#but this whole coming back to family alone without your best friend to an ex-wife who dumped you for your therapist SUCK SO BAD

[viburnt]

At that point, I feel the only option is to just leave without notice after several attempts to talk to him. send the divorce papers through his secretary, bet that’s only way to get him to pay attention. IT would be DISAPPOINTING HE doesn’t noticed until like a day after or more 💀😭

Rina, RINA, YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THIS! I'm already working on the divorce headcanons but I like this so much I'll throw in a couple about that brief time before you actually serve him papers.

The time before you resolve a divorce is the best course of action is short; it almost feels right to say it, even if your heart aches. You look back at all those empty years being by Izuku's side, but you can't find a memory of him standing with you. It felt like a silent movie where you'd been acting the role of the ideal wife, pretending to be happy for the cameras, not allowed to say a thing.

Sadly, being married to Izuku isolated you a lot. Your friends and family had distanced themselves from you because you never had time to visit or hang out, not to mention they'd found the news reporters and the cameras too bothersome to even dare to approach you. So with the little strength you had left, you had to sort out this whole situation by yourself. One benefit of being alone most of the time was that your soon-to-be ex couldn't quite tell you were scheming to leave him.

You began searching for places to rent, looking for jobs that offered home-office, and even checking the finances. Most of the things around the house were under Izuku's name, and you didn't want anything from him. Specially not when it would entertain more gossips or give people the wrong impression.

Izuku would come home late or not at all, too tired to even notice half of your wardrobe was gone, and that you spent a lot of time outside the house. He'd just kiss you goodnight and sleep, blissfully ignorant of the reality. You'd slip away from him and crash on the couch, trying to detach your heart from the feelings you still sheltered for him.

Part of you wished he would notice the way you were drifting apart, the way you crumbled in a marriage built of empty expectations and false promises. It was wishful thinking, a pipe dream that could never become true. Izuku had caught you between a rock and a hard place, and he'd only learn that after the damage was visible.

When you are finally ready for the legal battle, you send the papers to Izuku's office. His secretary passes them to him, probably thinking it's just more paperwork, and in the same way his secretary did, Izuku simply assumed it was more work to do. Midoriya placed the yellow envelope on top of a stack of pending documents, deciding to check them later.

The face of realization he has once he finally reads the contents of said envelope is almost priceless. 2 days had those documents waited for his eyes to read, 2 full fucking days to notice you were asking for a divorce. He was hysterical, making phone calls and sending texts to no avail; you weren't answering, and you weren't even living in that house at that point. He felt like an idiot, and that was only the beginning of the end.

'The number you're trying to reach is currently unavailable, please try later to-'

"Ugh, just answer dammit!" Izuku yelled, throwing his phone to the wall in desperation. He had rushed out of his office to try and find you, just then noticing the emptiness of the things you'd taken with you. The only thing you left behind was your wedding ring, standing cynically on the bedside table along with the framed photo of your wedding day. Tears rolled down his freckled cheeks, not being able to grasp reality. You were really leaving him, and his stupid ass was so busy to even notice it.

"I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry..." He sobbed in the silence of his bedroom, your perfume haunting him as he held your pillow.

Izuku had fucked up bad.

[silvershiningtarot]

✨PAC18+ Channeled Messages From Your FS..... 💘💋💘

🪬Some of you say you wanted channeled Messages from your Future Spouses. But with more detail.💋 Thank You @fae-ngel for the details of the channel's message from y'all future spouses. If some of you guys feel offended about the religion thing don't read this. In the last pile. You can pick more than one pile. Remember this is a general reading.

👋🏽Hey baby, I hope that you are doing okay. I haven't been on my best behavior lately. I wanna tell you something, but I can't. For years I have been lied to. Cheated on and stabbed in the back. Since yesterday I got hurt by a friend. I almost got into a bad fight with one of my friends. I've been out drinking, partying, and smoking. Keeping myself distracted so I won't fucking hurt myself. So I want to cry 😭 so bad. But I can't. I hate that I have to keep a fucking smile on my face. I hate I have to deal with my responsibility without any fucking help. I need help. Not professional. But love help, nurturing help, and support help. I wish someone who is right now out there to help me. But there isn't. I know I can't quit my job. How am I supposed to feed my kids? Feed my family, feed my team. Of course, feed myself. Every time I tried to get a little piece and quiet to myself. Somebody or something always gets in the way. This fucking ex of mine is always on me. Yeah, I know it's my fucking fault. But hell I'm trying. I know I keep getting robbed and played by her. But I won't lie to you. I don't like to be alone. I get scared when I'm alone. I know right, the person who's complaining about wanting to be alone. I don't like to be with my thoughts. It is scary sometimes. You get it right! I've lived in darkness my whole life. Until my kids came along. But still... These thoughts, and memories. It’s scary. That's even half of the shit. I'm telling you about. Anyways, let me tell you something.. I've faced a lot of challenges in my life. Face them!! I did. I dream about you constantly, so my question is this. When are you going to come to me? I've been waiting and waiting for you. I know it sounds impatient. But I am❗. Whatever you go through right now or for a while. Fight that shit. Close your eyes and pretend I'm there fighting with you not against you. Because whenever I close my eyes can see it. You are with me every single time. Fighting my life with me. I know I go thinking that your energy is in my ex. But it isn't but it isn't. Okay, don't be mad at me! I can feel your anger when I said that. Haha 😂. Baby, you should go out and date other people. You shouldn't wait on me. That's kinda fucked up for you to wait on me. While I'm stuck! I should ask myself this! To My future wife! Should I keep you stuck with me? Tuh Hell NOO!! I wouldn't want my daughters to be waiting on some dude they haven't met yet. I haven't met you yet... Ooh, I have a song for us. That's a song I'm dedicating to us. I hope you like it. I just haven't met you yet. Once I do! I'll be screaming 🙀 saying YAY!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You take my breath away every time I see you in my dreams. The sad part is when I wake up early in the rising... That's right I said Rising! I took your word!! Haha 😂 anyway, when I get up I can't remember your face. Do you honestly think about me? Answer these questions for me. I'm serious Comment it down if you have to. How come you don't invite me back into your dream? What's keeping you from me? Did I do something wrong? I hope that didn't. Maybe, you should talk to me in the middle of the night. With your lights off and just call me in. I bet I'll come to you in a heartbeat. I mean Duh, I am your husband. Well not yet! I hope I can be your husband. It would be an honor to be your husband. This life, the next life, in the stars.. Or whatever I hope I come down being your husband or wife forever. I am your partner. You know what so fucking funny! I think you send me a message in my dream. But fucking deadasss!!! For the life of me, I can't remember! Do you get like that? But For the real answer. The funny thing is. I am crazy about you but again I haven't met you yet. I know you probably won't talk to me! But hear me out. Don't be mad. Please, please 🙏🏾 I won't forgive myself if you are mad at me for this. Hold up let me get myself together. Okay, (clear throat) I told my ex about you. I told her I fantasized about you when I'm sleeping with her. When she was kissing me I wiped that shit off fast.

Whenever her back is turned I wiped her lips off of me. These lips 💋 are yours. My body is yours. But again, I am sorry for the wait but I ain't sorry that you got to wait. I know it sounds harsh. Let me tell you why!! Because your mind, body, heart, and soul are mine. That isn't fair to someone else to have to take it from me. I'll hunt them down if anyone touches you. Even from a far distance, I'll still hunt those dudes down if they ever try. So yeah I haven't been on my best behavior. Now you know why. Anyways, I love you darling. Remember that's your name always with me... Darling.

🌟Hello, my cupcake.

How's my cutie doing? I just wanted to tell you thank you. Thank you for still believing in us and our connection. You holding out strong. I've never had anyone who holds out like that. Thank you. I am dating around. Just putting myself out there. My advice to you is don't check up on me. Don't check up on me on social media, videos, or anything. I want you to start dating yourself. I want you to focus on yourself. So we both can become a little closer🙏🏾. It seems that you were afraid of me. I came to you into your dream today. Don't you remember? But you kept swerving around. So I stop following you for a minute. Until you called out my name in my dream. Only you know who this is. Keep it to your chest. The reason why I say date yourself is because I'm scared for you to find someone that's out there for you. You'll forget about me. I know I never experience someone like you and you never experience someone like me. Are you ready to? I feel like I kinda am ready to experience someone like you. I wanna get to know you a little bit more. Your energy and your spirit are here with me. I know it is your spirit next to me. I can feel it next to me. I told you a little bit about my past. I've cried to you. I am so comfortable with you. You know what's so funny... You always lay on me in your dreams. I can tell that you are comfortable with me too. Shush 🤫 that's a good thing. I'm glad you didn't judge me for my past. The mistakes I've made. You let me tear it down. Thank you. Do you know how special you are? I feel that you've been through a lot. Oh, damn! When you laid on me. I didn't just cry because of my past. I've cried to you too. Are you ready to start a new life with me? A new family with me. Our marriage, relationships, and our kids. Are you ready to be my wife/husband? Ask yourself this baby. It is scary once we are in it together. It's going to be hella fucking scary. But one thing I know today is that we will have each other. I haven't met you yet. But one thing is. I wanna dedicated a song to you real quick. Listen to both songs. I'm serious. They are for you, baby. Slowly listen to my words. Let my words from my song speak to you. Just as your present speaks to me. Your spirit talks to me all the time. I talk to myself all the time. I never thought in my life, I felt this way about you. The closer I'm getting towards you. I can feel you getting stronger. I'm not joking about this. I know I may sound 📢 crazy. I'm being honest with you. Anyways, I'm done talking right now. I'm assigning you homework. Those two songs give you! You better tell me what these songs mean to you. I can feel our connection getting stronger and closer. But of course, I keep thinking it was someone else. But it isn't. I know it's you. I just have to convince myself more.

🧑🏾‍❤️‍💋‍🧑🏾oh my sweetheart.

Have you been eating? I can see you putting on weight. I've been watching you left to right. How's your family doing? You told me you've been dealing with a lot of toxicity. So have I. The reason why is that my mother has been lying to me. She kept a lot of secrets from me. That I haven't even known. She told me things I wish no man or any child had to experience that shit. I felt that my mother wasn't sure about having me. I guess I was a third-party child. It was a one-night stand when she had me. But anyway, let's talk about us. I want to say to you that... You are the most important person in my life. I know I’ve kept talking about my mother. But she told me that you're nothing but a fantasy I'll never get to meet you. Never! You hear that bullshit. I tried telling my friends and other people but they laugh at me. I feel completely alone. Can you talk to me? Can I have a moment of your time? Just for a moment. Don't worry I don't live with my mother she lives with me. Even if I did live with my mother. Would you still date me? That's not the point but I'm sorry for feeling all insecure about us. I know I am the one who's holding us back. I've been wishing that you were right here by my side. Can we run away together once we meet? Please. This distance I can't deal with it. Can just two people who are meant to be just be together? That isn't fair, right? Don't you agree with me? Anyways, my shining light 💡. You light up my world when I think about you. When I talk to my boss and friends or even be on dates with different women I've been zoning out from them. Because they are boring as hell. Like ugh, I wanna have a real conversation with you. I wanna talk to you. I feel like the universe is holding us back. I'm about to say fuck it! Say, let's go ahead and find each other. I don’t care if I have to push through people and other forces get to you then I fucking will. I am tired of being patient here. What do you have to do? What do I gotta do? I am sorry for the yelling and the frustration. But I am frustrated. Anyways, this is what I'm going through. Don't worry everything will be perfect once we both lock eyes with each other. Everything is coming together soon.

💘Ahh, are you Cupid? Because baby your arrow shoot my heart 💘. I wanna tell you my name. But I think you know my name already. Think harder and look deeper. I know a lot of women think I'm very handsome and charming and have a lot of women coming after me. Which I do. But guess what though. You swept me off my feet. The only person I wanna chase after is you. I don't know how you do it but you just do. I love how you shot fire with your words. The way you way rap, move your body, and the way you maneuver your words. God! That shit is fucking sexy. I know I should speak the lord's name in vain. However, I ain't burning in hell. Unless you coming with me. Then I'm alright with that. My health has been up and down lately. In and out of the hospital 🚑 left to right. But don't give me your sympathy. I don’t fucking need it. I know It sounds like I don't open up. But I don't. But you!! YOU!! I don't know what kind of spell you put on me. I've tried to run away from you, ignore you, block you out of my head, dreams, and energy 🔋. You are so goddamn strong. Tell me! What makes you so powerful? What do you do? Are you a witch? If you are then cast me a spell right in front of me. I don't believe in magic ✨ but for some damn reason! Boom 💣 here you come. I won't lie to you. I wanna fuck you. You are drop-dead gorgeous. But even from a distance, you torture me. I don't know if it is a good thing. So it's a good thing. No matter how hard I've tried to forget about you, there you are. It's like ugh, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?! tell me now! It's such a good feeling. I don't know how to describe this feeling. Maybe it's lust between you and me. Maybe, the truth is. I'm falling for you from a distance. I've fucked so many women just to stop thinking about you. But you won't go away from me. I hope that you know this. Honestly, you did this to me. I hope you are happy. You got me a simp for you. I talk to a psychic just to get you out of my mind, heart, and body. When I lay in bed. I can feel your head and skin on me. Especially, when you are out of the shower 🛁 😂😏😏😏. I'm a horny guy/girl. I'm always horny. But you made me feel like I'm a changed man/woman. I don't even know yet! Whatever you are doing!! Cut it out! Because I will find you❤️ I've got a lot of money 💵 I'll find you I don't know how but I will. The second I rest my head, you come straight into my dreams. You fucking siren! It's your voice and your entire aura pulls into your arms. Nah! I'm a master. Don't tell anyone this keep this between you and me. You make me weak. I can feel my bones 🦴 weak. Ugh, it's sad that you aren't here yet. So whatever you are doing!! I want you to..... Keep doing it. 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦.

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

༉‧₊˚. 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐚𝐬𝐤 || 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬

— pairing: bucky barnes x plus size!reader

— summary: bucky was too late, and now he's left with the cruel story of his mistakes to tell.

— warnings: horrible ending, mentions of bullying, mentions of Bucky's wife being a bitch.

— wc: 785

⋆ a/n: this is for the anon that left their maladaptive daydreaming idea in my inbox, i felt as though the request was too long for me to post alongside the fic itself, so i just hope this finds you lol. i know this may have not been what you were going for, but i don't think I could have written this the way you suggested without it turning into a mini-series, and i am horrible at writing those, so this basically explains the story and the aftermath of it :]

masterlist | AO3

Bucky felt like an idiot. No, he was an idiot. He had lost everything and now here he was, a single father to a kid that his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with. Now that he has the time, he can't help but think about how he should have listened, to his friends, to his family, to you. He was young and dumb and now he was paying it for it in the cruelest way possible. He supposes he deserves it though, seeing as though he hadn't seen how wretched dot truly was.

Maybe it was because you and him had been this dynamic duo that took the world by storm, that he felt pressured to separate from you despite seeing you as his little sister. Now that he had thought about, he never truly felt like you were family, he always felt like he was pushing something down, desperately running away from the thought that he might view you as someone that he could potentially fall in love with. Now that he had thought about it, it was always you. If he was struggling, you were right there by his side. When he lost his arm, you were there going through all of the physical therapy with him. When he was on the fucking edge of getting evicted, you would give him your rent money.

He didn't know how he could be so cruel, how he could have just forgotten about all that you had done for him. He's lost everyone due to his ex-wife, his said friends and family. He was alone in this world with a child that had no idea what he was born into. When he thought back on it, he realized that his bachelor's party should have been a realization period for him, a second chance for him to take step back before losing everything completely.

You hadn't been coming around as often as Bucky would have liked, but he had finally saw you, finally got to talk to you again. It was as if that night you both rekindled something that had long been lost as soon as began to date Dot. He hadn't realized how much you truly bled out from his life, how far away you were slipping away from him until you two were sat with a glass of champagne in hand. He should have seen it then, should have seen the way you looked at him, the hurt hidden behind your eyes as you attempted to keep up appearances.

It was then when you had arrived late to his wedding that he should have finally admitted to himself that dot wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't do it without you, couldn't swear holy matrimony to a woman if you were by his side as his best man, even though you were a woman. He broke the traditional rules for you, only for you to be slowly slipping away from his grasps. You looked like you were having fun with everyone, so you must be fine now, right? You didn't look as tired as you did when he had spoken to you last, but you did actively avoid going near him, especially when dot was around. He didn't pay much attention to it, too lost in everything that was now Dot Barnes.

He should have stopped you from getting on that plane to leave, should have forced you to stay there with him. But alas, his worry with departure didn't last long as Dot soon announced that she was pregnant. He could've sworn he was on cloud nine during the whole thing; buying toys, clothes, basically anything that she wanted, she had gotten. Then when the baby was born, it was as if a switch was set off in the woman's mind. She was aggressive and possessive, and all around just a piece of work to be around. It was only then when he heard of your visitation that he realized that she wasn't you, she would never be you, she wasn't his girl, his childhood best friend, his number one supporter.

Divorcing her felt like a weight was lifted from upon his shoulders, but his son James Jr., felt like a ball and chain weighing him down. Maybe it was despicable to think about it in that way, but it felt more like a punishment than a means to be happy. Bucky found himself longing for his old life back, longing for you. He couldn't do this alone; he didn't know the first thing about taking care of a baby.

But as he approached your doorstep to beg for your forgiveness there was another car in your family's driveway that was definitely new.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback

[safic4-m]

💜The perfect life

Pairing: Wilhemina Venable x Fem Lector

Author’s note: I had this in my drafts for a while.

Word count:1495

~Master list~

One-shot

Wattpad

“The perfect life”, that phrase keeps running through your head, what more could you ask for, in a few hours you will marry your fiancée and you will have everything you have always wanted, but as in every relationship it has its ups and downs, in your case is that she does not want to have children, which is fine, but….

-How do you feel?- asks your best friend, making you snap out of your thoughts.

-Happy and a little nervous- you say, playing with the bridal veil.

-You know that if you want to run away I have the car ready, along with a suitcase with some of your belongings- she has always distinguished herself for her great sense of humor and it is quite obvious that she is serious.

-I thank you but I don’t think it’s necessary

Looking out the window at your fiancée looking at the last arrangements, as always looking for perfection, she must feel that you are watching her because she turns to look in your direction and their eyes meet. When Abigail asked you to marry her they were at her parents’ house, a part of you felt bad, as you dreamed it would have been in a nice place at sunset.

-You stop listening to her when you feel pressure in your chest, you turn to see your dress and you can’t help but think of her; when you saw it it was inevitable not to remember Wilhemina.

When you are ready you go downstairs to live with your guests, her family never accepted you because according to them you are too little for them.

-¡¡Y/n!!- you hear someone talking to you and you turn to see where it comes from, you find him with Jane, she is Abigail’s friend but you took possession of her.

-Hi- you force a smile feeling a strong discomfort -How are you?

-Good, hey I want to introduce you to someone- she had talked to both of them to ask if she could bring someone

She moves and reveals a redhead dressed in a purple dress; an internal fight is created in both of them when they see the other one

-Y/n?…are you feeling ok? -your look doesn’t take off from her, dry mouth and hundreds of mixed feelings -Y/n! seriously are you feeling ok? you are getting pale?

-Yes, it’s just nerves- recovering your voice, looking at Jane.

You excuse yourself to find a place to settle your thoughts, ending up in a closet trying to steady your breathing.

-Why?- of all the people in the world Jane decided to bring your ex, in her defense she didn’t know, but it doesn’t change the fact that she shows up at your wedding.

The relationship ended because of both of you, you hurt each other and ended up with wounds, which you couldn’t heal without hurting yourself; you thought she was your soul mate but apparently fate had different plans.

About 10 minutes go by and your future wife appears, she kisses you goodbye, except this time you don’t feel anything, there is not that spark you were used to.

—

-Abigail Bassett, do you take Y/n as your future wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

During the whole ceremony you can’t get Wilhelmina out of your mind, meanwhile in the redhead’s mind only the idea that she would lose you forever passes through her mind.

-I accept- she answers smiling tenderly and it simply hurts.

-And you Y/f/n accept Abigail as your future wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

-Honey- says Abi worried and you feel a strong urge to vomit.

-I’m…I’m sorry Abi- you say before running off, leaving someone who doesn’t deserve it alone at the altar.

—

You get out of the car to ring the doorbell, it’s around 2 am, the dress is changed for a pair of pants and a sweater.

-I hate you- is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when you have her in front of you, she is wearing a Victorian style purple nightgown and you can’t help admiring her body -you know- looking back at her eyes -my life was perfect, a nice house, a stable job, a healthy relationship. And suddenly you appear as if nothing and ruin everything- you can notice the pain in her eyes for your words that is almost imperceptible -I would marry her and you would have a fairy tale ending- a sarcastic chuckle escapes from her lips, without even trying -but I realized that no matter how much I repeat it, the lie won’t become real- she opens her mouth to speak but I interrupt her before she says something -I don’t want something easy . My life would never be perfect if you weren’t there" before pressing your lips against hers.

Instantly you regret feeling her stiffen, wanting to pull away Wilhelmina pulls your sweater.

And there she is, you had forgotten how intoxicating the taste of her lips was, for the last few years you’ve become accustomed to a spark when she manages to create a fire.

-My beautiful Ms. Venable- comes out barely a whisper as she breaks away to breathe, you see the conflict in her gaze and doubt she’ll leave you there with a broken heart, ironic since you did it a few hours ago with Abigail.

Finally she moves to let you in, as soon as she closes the door you have her on top of you, nimbly you grab her by the waist with a strong grip and she quickly takes the hint, giving a little jump you help her propel herself up to look like the kind of scene you see in a boyfriend and girlfriend; her legs wrapped around your waist, her arms behind your neck, while they continue kissing. Without breaking the kiss you move them to the living room, with the utmost delicacy you lay her down on the couch, moving to leave kisses along her jaw, then to her neck leaving wet kisses.

-May I?- you ask, pulling up the redhead’s nightgown a little, the view you have is spectacular, breathing agitated, hair tousled, cheeks and neck a crimson color.

-Do you want to do it here?- she asks with a shy look and it’s impossible not to melt before her reaction.

-Let’s go to your room.

You know you should talk to Abi, but right now all you want is to make up for lost time with Wilhelmina. Words full of feeling are declared in the darkness, while soft hands run over each other’s body, moans fill the room and marks of love are left as proof of their love.

****

“The perfect life” is a phrase that never leaves your mind, but if you were told to describe it it would be this exact moment. You’ve never been one to love the outdoors and she surprised you by taking you on a picnic outside of town; it’s been three years since you left Abigail at the altar, three years since you got Wilhemina back and it’s been the best decision you’ve ever made. The beginning was difficult but you already have experience and that helped, Wilhemina refused apart from you, because she thought that if she did it you would leave and it doesn’t matter….

-What are you thinking about?- she asks interrupting your thoughts, she is wearing a purple dress and you are sure it is the same one you gave her years ago.

-About us- she lightly squeezes her left hand, a slight blush creeps up her neck and you smile at how pretty she looks….

-Well…- seeing that she turns to look for something in the basket -when I saw you the first time I knew you’d be my downfall- she starts walking back to face you -I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but also that no matter what happens we’ll always be there for each other, so…-she takes a sharp breath showing a little red box -Will you marry me? when you open it you see a gold ring with a (stone of your favorite color), those simple words create a war inside you, a part of you wants to throw yourself in his arms, while the other one screams to give it to him at once.

With your free hand you reach for your purse, finding it you quickly pull out a little black velvet box.

-Only if you accept too- opening the box to reveal an amethyst encrusted ring.

-Of course I do- being pulled into a kiss full of love, her lips taste like the wine she drank earlier and a moan escapes as she feels them bite your lower lip.

As she pulls away you can see her gaze full of love and a blush covering her beautiful face.

-I love you Wilhemina Venable- placing the ring on her ring finger.

-I love you too- doing the same thing you just did with her.

[imsoglitter]

Hi kate! Idk if you’ll see this or answer but I wanted to send bc I’ve been following u for awhile and see u as sort of a big sibling/mentor that reminds me that it gets better and one day everything will be okay :’) do u have advice on how to move on? I’m femme and had my first ever kinda relationship w a butch and it was nice but they abandoned me on my bday celebration after blowing up on me saying that I was too high maintenance, materialistic, sparkly, and pink and my emotions were “too much to process” and “my presence was unhealthy” 6 months later they’re engaged to another femme who is more slow living and earthy. sucked a lot bc from day 1 they said I WASNT too much and that they would never leave. Idk I’m not sad I dont wish I was the soon wife but I’m convinced now that I’ll never find anyone bc all butches/mascs at the end of the day want that & I’ll be alone 4evr. I noticed all of my butch/femm couple friends are kinda same the same (earthy, natural, no glitz or glamour, etc). Feeling v high femme camp antics essay rn and having trouble coping. I tried changing my aesthetic and being minimalist but it put in deep depression so idk what to do. I’m unlikeable to all the ppl I’m attracted to but fitting in to be likable makes me want to kms. Any thoughts or ideas?? Hope this doesn’t come off as trauma dumping 😖

Hi anon! I don't know if I'm the right person to answer this bc I'm definitely a lazy femme who doesn't have the energy to be high femme, and the advice I'm going to give you is something you've probably heard a million times before.

If someone dislikes you enough to dump you on your birthday, you are better off without them. This goes for any other special occasion as well. The first time I got dumped, they very politely waited until I got back from a special trip I was on so it wouldn't be ruined, and I'm really glad for that. It made everything amicable and we're still penpals to this day. It sounds like your ex was bad at communicating the problems they were having in the relationship, given the blowup, and reacted pretty immaturely tbh. That's not the kind of person you want to spend your life with. (I'm also very wary of people who get married after less than a year of knowing each other, but that's a separate issue)

Honestly the best advice I can give you, and you're probably going to hate this, is take a break from looking for a sexual/romantic relationship. Focus on the other relationships in your life, whether they're with friends or family or even coworkers. And spend time with yourself. Definitely don't change everything about yourself to be with someone because you're going to have to live with yourself your whole life. The most important person to like you is going to be yourself. If you want to change think about expanding rather than dumping everything and picking something new.

And on the topic of finding someone who will love you the way you are, your best goal is to be patient, and to take action when you feel ready. Don't settle with someone who tolerates you or you'll end up like my parents (bad). And if you feel like there's potential, don't be afraid to make the first move. Pining is fun until it's not anymore so it's better to skip that part sometimes lol

Practical speaking here's my advice:

Delete your dating apps for a while

Get yourself a vibrator

Go to the movies by yourself

Pick up a new physical hobby like gardening or woodworking or cooking, something you can touch

If you hate your new hobby drop it and try something else

Try a new restaurant you've never been to before

Go for a walk/sit in a park weather permitting and birdwatch

And if you're seriously suicidal, take inventory of yourself and see if you can come up with a plan to avoid that headspace. Therapy and meds helped for me, but the main thing was moving out of a toxic environment. Plus I'm not stupid enough to pretend that therapy fixes everything all the time

I guess I'm saying you should date yourself, but trying to not make it sound super corny lol. I hope this helps and I hope you can figure out how to get out of your rut. I'm rooting for you!

[melis-writes]

Moth to Flame [Michael Corleone x Reader series, 18+ Smut] Oneshot – My One and Only.

Read on AO3 / Chapter Masterlist. / Fic Playlist.

Oneshot based in 1957 (canon year of the fic's storyline).

"I guess I couldn’t let you and Michael enjoy the party all alone." / "I just made sure she was afraid of decomposing in the back of somebody’s car anytime soon so that’s why she kept her distance."

1957 marks seven years of prosperity at the Tropigala, a casino-resort under the Corleone family's ownership. Flying into Las Vegas to celebrate the milestone with Michael, all eyes and cameras are on the both of you alongside a luxurious welcome. As a time to relax and enjoy the weekend getaway with your husband, you look forward to the entertainment the celebration has to offer with excitement until you come across an unwanted and uninvited guest. It's been two years since you've last seen Rita Duvall–Fredo's past favourite ex-cocktail waitress, dancer, singer, actress and notorious mobster seductress. Two years ago, Rita was serenading Michael for his attention until threatened off by you, and this time she knows she can get a reaction out of you that you won't exactly be able to live down.

[WARNINGS]: Heavy, rough smut / Love marks & hickies / Oral sex / Dirty talk.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]: Requested by a beloved anon as a prompt, I accidentally found myself making this into a full sized oneshot! 😳 Oops. 😅 Just loved the idea of a jealous Victoria, mentions of trust issues due to Michael's lies in the past and reassurance play the central themes here in this oneshot! For those of you wondering, I've included the idea/concept of Victoria's evening dress and day dress she wears in this oneshot HERE, whereas you guys remember the scene of Michael "eating" that orange in the second film? 🥵 That's his whole look from head to toe here. 🥴 I've included plenty of Michael GIFs to get everyone's imagination going this oneshot and as anon requested, the best angry sex Michael and Victoria have ever had is in this oneshot!!

1949. Your name is Victoria Ferrari, and you’re the only daughter of one of the most powerful mafia families in New York—the Ferrari’s. When the Ferrari family began to gain heavy influence and power, it struck a power imbalance with the Corleone’s. To bind the families together as one in an offering of peace, friendship and business, you are to be married to their youngest son, Michael Corleone. As you ensnare yourself in the life of a mob wife by Michael’s side, what you don’t know is his old ties with Kay Adams, your best friend from Dartmouth, and that he returned from Sicily a widower. A ruthless mob boss to be, you unravel Michael’s dark past and the brutality that has changed his personality. You find yourself adapting to your new life, betrayed by those you love most, and in high profile to Ferrari and Corleone family enemies. Falling deeply in love with Michael, you enter a life and marriage filled with secrets and darkness. Bearing his children, supporting his crime empire and following him into the shadows, you’re unable to deny your passion and desire to the new Don. When it comes to Michael Corleone, you are but a moth to a flame.

[ Las Vegas, 1957 ]

“I feel like with each annual celebration, it just gets more and more grandiose just to impress you.” You giggle, hugging Michael’s arm as the two of you enter the Tropigala accompanied by Ritchie Nobilio and Al Neri for security.

“Consider me impressed,” Michael says back sarcastically, wrapping his arm around your waist as photography cameras instantly begin to flash in both of your faces.

For the sake of publicity knowing you’ll both be on the front pages without a doubt tomorrow morning from attending such an event as the owners of the Tropigala, you and Michael stop by the photographs and allow them to snap a few pictures.

There are all smiles from your end as photographers call, “Mrs. Corleone, over here!”, “gorgeous dress tonight, Mrs. Corleone!”, and “welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Corleone!” amidst other humble requests for photographs at different angles.

It only takes one nasty “that’s enough” look from both Al and Ritchie for the photographs to finish up and step back, allowing you and Michael to comfortably enter the dining hall. 

“Johnny Fontane, all of his dancers, more performers…” You point out, letting your eyes wander over the band stage in awe, “ooh, fancy, fancy.”

“Johnny wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Michael only turns his head to the side to spot Johnny in the midst of singing a melodic tune to a crowd of admirers at the very front of the stage.

“He renewed his contract with us?” You ask, walking with Michael towards the VIP section of the dining hall where your reserved table is with Michael.

‘Us.’ It can’t please Michael more to hear you refer to the Corleone family business as “us” and not just Michael and his brothers. You are a Corleone wife after all.

“He did,” Michael confirms, letting his hand linger over your waist before the two of you part and sit across from each other at the reserved table. “And he’s been renewing it for the past seven years—him and his friends from the movies both.”

“Mm, that sounds like Johnny alright.” You smile at Michael, propping up your elbows on the edge of the table and resting your chin over the back of your hands. “He’s made the Tropigala his own world.”

“Brings him and brings us good publicity, just as Pop would have wanted it.” Michael relaxes in his seat, smoothening out his black mohair suit before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and his cold encased lighter. “We’ll see him soon tonight.”

“And until then…” You peek down at the menu card placed in front of you on the table, eyeing tonight’s refreshments and meals. “We’ll make the best of everything.”

“If you want anything changed or substituted, let me know, darling.” Michael gestures to the menu, taking a cigarette out of his pack. 

“Did you have a say in this?” A playful smile forms over your lips as you read French champagne, a bottle of Barolo—Italian red wine—from 1931 from the refreshments list alone.

“Our presence has a say in this.” Michael glances towards the menu. “They want to impress us through everything tonight and more so in specific, you.”

“Me?” You blush, meeting Michael’s eyes again. “And not the illustrious Don Corleone who owns the very building we’re in?”

“Depends who you ask.” Michael puts his cigarette in the corner of his mouth, opening the cover of his lighter. “All eyes are always on you during events like this and I’m always aware. Everyone wants to see Mrs. Corleone.”

“By everyone, I hope you mean just them.” You chuckle, turning your head towards a photographer who snaps another picture of the two of you sitting before Al almost swats the camera out of his hands.

“I won’t let them bother us tonight, darling.” Michael lights his cigarette, taking a small drag. “And we’ll be in our hotel room before the end of the event. Johnny’s estimated to perform until at least 2 AM.”

“Fine by me.” Your cheeks sting with blush as you watch Michael smoke his cigarette across from you; his eyes still over yours and his plush lips holding onto the end of his cigarette as he blows out smoke underneath him. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Corleone,” a waiter approaches your table with a polite smile, extending his tray towards the table before setting down two glasses of sparkling water, two flutes of champagne, and two empty wine glasses with the bottle of Barolo.

“Thank you.” You show your appreciation towards the waiter as he pulls off the cork on your wine, beginning to fill both your and Michael’s glasses halfway through.

Michael remains quiet, continuing to smoke until the waiter sets the wine bottle down on the table and walks back off into the dining hall—leaving you and Michael alone.

“Before I get a good start though,” you chuckle, eyeing the champagne and wine—wondering which you should have a little taste of first—“would you excuse me for just a moment, baby? Going to use the restroom.”

“Of course.” Michael nods back at you, holding his cigarette in between two fingers. “I won’t have our dinner service start until you get back.”

“Don’t miss me too much.” You tease, rising from your seat and smoothening out your dress before grabbing your clutch purse.

You head out of the dining hall and make your way to the women's washroom nearby, adjusting your diamond earrings at the same time.

Humming quietly to yourself, you push open the doors and instantly pick up on the scent of sanitation, perfume, and general cleanliness in the marble-decorated and spacious bathroom.

You glance to your left towards the stalls only to see one is occupied before moving towards the grand set of mirrors by the sinks.

You set your purse down next to you and open it, reaching in to grab your favorite crimson red lipstick.

You pull off the cover of your lipstick, lean in towards the mirror, and apply a light yet fresh layer over your lips to perfect your pout before the majority of the celebration for tonight begins.

You hear a flush of the toilet from the preoccupied stall behind you and only a few seconds pass by before the door is pushed open.

You continue minding your own business, pressing your lips against one another and double-checking how your lipstick appears under the light—completely unaware of who else is in the washroom with you.

Rita Duvall, notorious for her private performances, exotic dancing, and singing amongst many other vibrant talents around Mafiosi and corrupt businessmen and lawmakers alike, steps out of the bathroom stall in a satiny, scarlet-draped dress.

Out of your line of sight, you remain satisfied with your makeup for tonight and lean back—twisting your lipstick back down before clasping the cover on it and putting it back into your purse.

Rita doesn’t need to approach the sinks to know you’re here in the washroom with her; she knew it the moment she heard a pair of stilettos accompanied by your favorite, signature floral perfume she’s only ever smelt on you.

Still, you’re preoccupied with the items in your purse, now grabbing out your perfume and setting it down on the counter just as Rita begins to approach the sink next to you.

“Well, well, Victoria Ferrari Corleone.” A wry smirk grows over Rita’s lips as she sets her matching red gloves on the counter. “Not so much of a surprise now, is it?”

“Rita,” you acknowledge—instantly annoyed but hiding it over your expression and body language very well as you glance at her. “I could say the same for you.”

“Expected me, hmm?” Rita turns on the sink tap, beginning to rinse off her hands. “I guess I couldn’t let you and Michael enjoy the party all alone. Who else would provide the entertainment?”

“Johnny Fontane is doing just fine in terms of tonight’s entertainment.” You reply, diverting your attention back down to your perfume bottle.

“Oh, I’m aware.” Rita chuckles, lathering soap over her hands. “I’m hoping I get a moment to speak with him tonight, I think the Tropigala would be very lucrative for my career.”

“If you think you can just ‘show up’ to one of my casinos, resorts or hotels to ‘perform’ and have it your way, you’re very wrong.” You state, spraying some perfume over your collarbones.

“Oh, it’s yours now?” Rita throws her head back in laughter. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“You’d be surprised.” You’re not phased by her immature antics, putting down your perfume bottle. “It’s public record. Even a waste of talent like you could ask one of your mobster boyfriends for some proof.”

“Hmm, yeah.” Rita washes off her hands, turning off the sink tap. “Maybe you’re right about that. I should ask my newest one about it as soon as I can—that husband of yours. Michael fucked me so good last week, after all, I should really catch up with him.”

Holding back any reaction whatsoever, you place your perfume bottle back inside of your purse, but can already feel the tips of your ears and the nape of your neck prickle hot at Rita’s words.

Rita lies to you on purpose—she hasn’t been able to personally approach Michael let alone go anywhere near him since the family celebration you two held at the compound over two years ago, but anything to get a reaction out of you when it comes to Michael more than pleases Rita.

“In what, your wildest dreams?” You roll your eyes, smoothening out your hair. “Another fantasy of yours?”

“You wish, sweetheart.” 

Rita holds up her wet, left hand in front of you—pointing to her empty ring finger. “Maybe I’ll be just as lucky as you one day, dazzled out in diamonds and custom-made perfume. Michael’s told me how much he wants to spoil me.”

“You’re pathetic.” You close your purse, holding it between your arm. “And clearly in need of some help. Those daydreams of yours are starting to heavily impact the intelligence you barely have.”

“Aww, are you jealous of me, sweetheart?” Rita puts one hand on her hip, facing you. “Upset that your husband, your brothers, in-laws, and all can’t get enough of me? Am I taking the spotlight away from you just a little too much?”

“I don’t even waste my time thinking of someone as low as you.” You begin to walk past her, “and if I were you, I’d behave instead of acting like a spoiled brat obsessed with storytime. I own the building and my security knows what to do with unwanted guests and their chatty mouths.”

“No amount of fancy perfume you wear is going to mask out my scent on Michael, Victoria,” Rita calls out behind you as you begin to exit the washroom. “And you can wear all the pretty lipstick you want but every time you kiss him, you taste my pussy on his mouth.”

Frustrated to no avail and almost shaking with anger, you pull yourself together and take a deep breath—making it your sole mission just to get back to the dining hall before you decide to redecorate the Tropigala’s washroom with red.

‘Why the hell is she even here? Whose the one planning all this ‘entertainment’ and having that woman at our hotel?’

Before you even get back to your reserved table with Michael, you approach your personal bodyguard—Ritchie Nobilio—at the end of the dining hall whom you don’t bother to greet but rather hand him your purse.

“Mrs. Corleone.” Ritchie blinks, holding onto your purse.

“I’m going up to my hotel room now.” You state firmly, making it clear to Ritchie that nothing can change your mind. “You can let Michael know, and tell him he can continue the dinner service and eat here by himself.”

“Right.” Ritchie frowns, clearing his throat. “Will do, Mrs. Corleone.” He reaches into the pocket of his dress suit, handing you his spare key to the hotel room. 

Without another word or glance to Ritchie, you take the key out of his hand and walk out to the hallway as quickly as you came out of it to get to the hotel suites.

‘If she’s planning on going near Michael tonight and he lets her, who am I to interrupt or do something? I’m done, I’m sick and I’m tired of these party tricks.’ 

You want to be better than your anger but when it comes to Rita Duvall, everything hits a personal nerve. 

‘This woman only stays in Nevada just to spite me. There’s nothing she does but spite me and let her sick fantasies roam free in her head about my husband. That’s it. That’s all there is to it, and I’m supposed to believe Michael isn’t aware?’

This woman has the ability to be where you are because although you detest her and Michael could care less about her, she’s a pretty little thing your brothers and brothers-in-law are used to seeing, and Mafiosi from the other crime families love the comfort of a charismatic, beautiful woman surrounding them.

‘I want an explanation as to why the hell Rita’s here and I want it from Michael—nobody else. Has he seen her? Has he? I wouldn’t be surprised.’

You’ve seen all of Rita’s dirty, cheap tricks and it isn’t uncommon knowledge she’s an escort too—something you could care less about but she’s been in Fredo’s bed on more than one occasion while he was married to Deana and it’s how Rita’s always been able to get favors and gifts. 

“You taste my pussy on his mouth!” 

Something like that affects the family in the worst kind of potential scandal possible, and you know Rita does it because she can and to purposefully spite you, knowing you get jealous over Michael, but Deanna never had a shred of jealousy towards Fredo.

‘Michael wasn’t with me last week.’ You pick up your pace, just glad nobody else is in the surrounding hallways as you get onto the elevator. ‘He was at a business meeting with Don Cuneo in Reno. Another casino-resort. Do I have to guess who was there too?’

“Michael fucked me so good last week after all.”

“Mr. Corleone?” Ritchie approaches your reserved table, catching Michael’s attention. “Sir, I wanted to inform you Mrs. Corleone is retiring for tonight back to your hotel room.”

“What?” Michael stares at Ritchie, unamused. “And her reason?”

“She just approached me and wanted me to notify you, sir. She didn’t give me a reason.” Ritchie gestures to your purse in his hands. “She was visibly upset and didn’t want to return back here for the dinner service either.”

Michael’s eyes flicker around the dining hall as his shoulders tense up. “Did you give her one of the suite keys?”

“Yes, I did.” Ritchie answers. 

“Stay here.” Michael gets up from his seat, looking towards the end of the dining hall. “I’m going to go see her.”

“If anyone questions your absence, sir?” Ritchie stands next to Michael’s empty seat.

“You can tell them to stop asking questions they aren’t entitled to.” With that, Michael turns on his heel and comes out of the dining hall undetected—going towards the hotel suites. 

This isn’t a “convince me to come back downstairs” type of anger you feel but one of the only times you feel is too much of a difficult mood to get out of.

As soon as you got up to your hotel room, you kicked off your heels and went straight for the bedroom where you slipped out of your black, cocktail dress and took off your full set of jewelry with your hands shaking in anger.

Before Michael made his way to the suite room, you pulled on your bathrobe—otherwise just in your matching black bra, panties, stockings, and garter belt and fixed yourself a glass of sparkling water.

Having wiped off all of your makeup and now sitting on the edge of the king-size bed with your back towards the door, you mentally scold yourself for feeling so upset and off the edge from Rita trying to get a clear reaction out of you.

Knowing you’re inside and otherwise waiting for a reaction out of Michael this time (or so he assumes), Michael calmly approaches the suite door and unlocks it with his key before stepping inside.

You hear Michael enter and ignore him—your mood already ruined, your expression glum as you stare into your glass of sparkling water with a million questions buzzing in your head that rotate around one in particular: what the hell does this woman want with me and my husband?

With your back turned to Michael, you can hear him enter but you don’t turn to look at him even though his eyes are on you. 

“Wish you’d join me downstairs for the night we were supposed to celebrate together,” Michael speaks, stepping out of his dress shoes.

“I’m not in the mood to be convinced.” You mumble back, sipping your drink. “But don’t let me ruin your evening.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you do no such thing.” Michael approaches the doorway of the bedroom. “You left me downstairs and now I find you up here. Ritchie won’t give me any reasons why and so we’re back to playing the guessing game.”

“No, we’re not.” You narrow your eyes, turning to face Michael. “You know why I’m here.”

“Victoria, to be frank with you, darling, no, I don’t.” Michael eyes your bathrobe and your dress for the evening hung up by the closet. “What exactly could happen to you for a few moments in the restroom for you to storm off like this?”

“I’d ask myself the same thing, but I know better.” You scoff, “your favorite plaything approached me in the washroom—that’s what happened.”

“My…what?” Michael furrows his brows. 

“Rita Duvall, Michael.” You snap, “come on, seriously? You didn’t see her at all here?”

“No.” Michael stares back at you. “I wasn’t under the impression she would even be here, to begin with.”

“Must be your special invite.” You roll your eyes, almost spilling your drink entirely when setting it down on the nightstand. “Because she definitely seemed invited, very grateful to you which was all she talked about. Why do we even need to have this talk? Why do I have to repeat to you that I DON’T want to see that woman?!”

“You don’t,” Michael answers plainly, stepping into the bedroom. “As I said, I wasn’t aware of her presence here although I’m not surprised.”

“You’re not surprised?” You scoff, crossing your arms. “Of course, you’re not.”

“I mean our invited guests are allowed to bring one other person with them. You can play your guessing game with which mobster decided to take her out to the best hotel-casino in Nevada.” Michael shrugs off his suit jacket, neatly setting it aside. “There’s your explanation, though I’d hope you wouldn’t let your anger have you jump to other conclusions.”

“God, Michael…” You shake your head in disbelief, “why are you talking down to me like this? You think my reactions are unwarranted?”

“I do because it seems to me like petty jealousy.” Michael stands by the foot of the bed. “I don’t know this woman, I don’t speak to her, I don’t go near her, and yet when you hear her name or you see her, you become—”

“I become what?” You interrupt, your eyes challenging Michael. 

“You become jealous.” Michael finishes his sentence. “And that’s why I believe your reactions are unwarranted. They make no sense, they’re not based on any foundation.”

“I guess I was just dreaming at our family party at Tahoe when she came to rub your shoulders and serenade you.” Your eyes begin to sting with tears. “How she sang to you, kept her eyes all over you no matter where she was and now she walks up to me in the restroom and tells me how good you fucked her last week, how every time I kiss you, I taste her pussy on your mouth?”

A look of disgust crosses over Michael’s face, but it’s not at all enough to convince you. “I’m tired, Michael! I’m tired!” Your voice breaks. “And yes, I AM jealous! I am! I am because I love you because I don’t want to share you! I want to be selfish with you because you’re my husband, my life partner, my best friend, and the father to my children. Why would I want some sleazy whore getting comfortable with you? Thinking she can show up to our parties just like that? Talk so casually about having sex with you. You give absolutely no reaction and you leave me without answers—I don’t know who to believe anymore!” 

You throw your hands up in the air, getting off the bed. “What do I have to do?! Do I have to threaten to leave you again so you stop fucking playing around with this ex-cocktail waitress?”

“You’re accusing me of cheating on you?” Michael scowls at you. “Start listening to the things that are coming out of your mouth, Victoria, and don’t make me repeat myself.”

“I’ll do you a favor instead!” You burst out into tears, pointing a shaky finger at Michael. “Because believe me, a divorce would make for a much less impactful scandal than if you’re caught and on the front page with your face buried between Rita’s—”

“ENOUGH!” Michael snaps, slamming his hand down on the dresser next to him as hard as he can. “Enough! I won’t hear any more of this! I’m not cheating on you. I never have and I never will—what part of that is so difficult for you to comprehend, Victoria?!” Michael lunges towards you, grabbing your hands into his. “What have I done that even I’m not aware of that’s abused your trust? Hmm? I wish I knew for once why it’s so easy for you to accuse me without any proof.”

“You wouldn’t leave p-proof,” you hiccup, beginning to sob.

Although seven years have passed, when it comes to women like Rita Duvall, the concept of jealousy, the fact you know your brothers themselves whored around before they settled down, and Michael’s own brothers continuing to be unfaithful to their wives after years of marriage mix in with the bitter memory of when you thought you were Michael’s “other woman”, being cheated on when you discovered Michael kept his first marriage away from you.

Your trust issues and fear of being cheated on spike up when all of those memories come to mind and make you think: how am I any different than these poor women who experienced unfaithfulness?

“That’s not your real reason, is it?” Michael looks you in the eye. “What is it, Victoria? What actually has you so dead set against me from the beginning?”

“Your brothers cheat.” You croak out, noticing confusion in Michael’s expression. “They cheat… All of them e-except Tom and he isn’t even—” You hiccup again, “they cheat all the t-time and it’s become so normalized I forget it’s even happening in f-front of my own eyes. I’m surrounded by it and this woman is obsessed with you—who am I not to be cheated on, Michael? Tell me!”

Michael lets out a soft sigh, not indicating he’s just about done having this conversation with you nor is Michael going to go off on a tangent to explain to you that he’s aware of his brothers’ promiscuity and cheating habits but he’s a different person altogether.

No, Michael understands exactly where you’re coming from and what you mean. 

Just as you remembered the fear that gnawed over your heart when you assumed for just a moment that Michael was being unfaithful to you when you discovered his wedding photographs with Apollonia, Michael is still aware the memory remains bitter; it stings and it made the topic of faithfulness and cheating extra sensitive for you.

“You’re my wife.” Michael reaffirms, giving your hands a gentle squeeze. “You aren’t just somebody out there and you never will be. Do you think women like Rita challenge that? Change that? Who is she to stand before a woman like you? Do you ever think about that?”

You sniffle, remaining quiet and gazing into Michael’s eyes as you begin to feel the warmth of reassurance.

“I love you, Victoria,” Michael states, looking you in the eyes. “I love you and only you and that’s why I only want to deserve having a woman like you as my life partner. Last week I was in Vegas, yes,” he nods, “but I was with Don Cuneo at his private residence. We only visited another one of our establishments briefly. Photographs were taken at both places and there was no entertainment. Not a chance anyone else would be there—Rita or not. I can prove this to you easily. I can have a third party prove it to you too if you don’t want to hear it from me.”

You let out a deep, shaky sigh, nodding glumly at your husband. “A-and what about that first time? When she was at our estate performing and…” You grit your teeth, feeling a rush of anger accompanying your jealousy. “Singing to you, touching you.”

“Victoria, it was nothing.” Michael shakes his head as you let go of his hands. “It’s what she does, that’s how she gains attention. I ignored her, gave her no attention whatsoever, and then she left—”

“No, she didn’t!” You raise your voice, breaking into tears again. “She only backed away because I threatened her afterward, otherwise why wouldn’t she return to serenade the Don—the man who hired her band—and give him extra attention all throughout the night?! I just made sure she was afraid of decomposing in the back of somebody’s car anytime soon so that’s why she kept her distance. Don’t you ever lie to me!” You point an accusing finger at Michael. “Don’t you ever lie and say that you ‘ignoring’Rita’s antics was the reason why she avoided you. Because you didn’t do anything in the first place, she’s now vocally fantasizing about fucking you!”

“Victoria, for the love of God what do you want me to do about that now? What in all honesty can do or say to change all of this for you? Tell me something.” Michael begins to grow irritated.

You wipe your tears off of your cheeks, shaking your head. “Nothing. Nothing… It’s all done and over with now as you said anyway. Just nothing.”

“You’re not upset about that or what happened today.” Michael takes a step towards you as you turn your back on him. “You’re jealous. I know you.”

“Yeah, I bet you do.” You hiccup, saying so sarcastically. “Maybe I am… So just let me be jealous in peace if it bothers you so much.”

“It doesn’t.” Michael places both of his hands over your hips, pressing his chest against your back. “You don’t think I feel the same way when I see how men flirt with you? How their greedy eyes look all over you?”

“You’d never admit to being jealous.” Your tears stop as you continue wiping your face off with your hands.

“I would admit to being a lot of things.” Michael embraces you from behind, pushing back a curtain of your hair over your shoulder to kiss the nape of your neck. “You’re not upset with me right now. That’s completely different. We don’t have to go back downstairs, you know.” Michael’s hand feels at the plush fabric of your bathrobe.

‘God…’ You mentally scold yourself for finding yourself instantly aroused by Michael’s touch and his breathy, low voice speaking to you now.

“You want attention, that’s all.” Michael’s already got you and your jealous fits figured out. “You have me here with you, so why not admit to that too?”

“Mm, I don’t think so.” Feeling like you’re the one calling the shots tonight, you pull away from Michael’s embrace and shrug off your bathrobe, letting it fall off your shoulders and to the floor.

Michael’s eyes instantly dart up and down your body, admiring every inch of you from top to bottom—especially paying attention to the way your garter belt adorns your thighs, how the silky smooth fabric of your stockings shines under the bedroom light, and the lace of your bra and panties clinging to your skin.

“I already have my own ways of relaxation for tonight.” You clear your throat quietly, purposefully crawling over the bed to tease Michael and give him a full view of your ass. “Since you don’t want me—"

“Who said I don’t want you?” Michael instantly presses one knee down on the bed, grabbing you by your hips as you squeal out before he pins you face down on the bed. “Hmm?”

“I don’t know.” You hide your grin against the bedsheets, arching your back against Michael’s growing erection. “Maybe you were just showing me it all evening.”

“Not a chance.” Michael grips a fistful of your hair, yanking your head back abruptly but not enough to hurt. “Trying to tease me now because you want the attitude fucked out of you?”

“You don’t deserve me.” You tease, reaching your hands back to teasingly inch off your panties.

“I think—” Michael almost tears off your panties entirely, throwing them off your ankles. “You’re just begging to have the attitude fucked out of you.”

“Definitely don’t deserve me—ooh!” You let out a soft moan as Michael gives both of your thighs a firm smack, running his hands in between them.

“You and your attitude—” Michael keeps you pinned onto the bed by pressing his hand onto your back with one while he unbuckles his belt with the other. “Are only going to get you so fucking far, Victoria.”

“Try me.” You challenge, looking over your shoulder for a split second to see Michael’s fully erect cock spring out of his dress trousers.

“Shut up.” Michael turns your face away from him much to your pleasure before raising your hips up to his waist. “You don’t think I know all of your little dirty tricks?”

“I think you’re more jealous than me.” You say back, gripping onto the bedsheets.

“Say that again.” Michael presses his shaft against your pussy, feeling its dewiness drip over his cock as he pushes it in between the lips of your heat.

“Oh—” Your eyes snap open, feeling intense arousal crawling through your skin. “I w-will.”

“I don’t think so, not like this.” Michael eyes your body as your thighs begin to shake a little over the bed; he’s barely done anything to you yet and you’re already throbbing and extremely turned on.

In truth, you’ve absolutely no desire to fight back against Michael but rather want to get the attitude fucked out of you over and over again under Michael’s dominance—the best way he can make up anything to you tonight.

“Say it.” Michael grips your face roughly, tilting your chin up but he doesn’t give you the chance to reply as his lips crush over yours in a sloppy kiss.

Droplets of precum begin to slick down Michael’s shaft as he bucks his hips, teasingly pressing the tip of his cock against your pulsating clit.

“Mmm,” you let out a muffled moan, unable to answer Michael.

“Can’t talk back to me now, huh?” An aggressive and demanding Michael is more than welcome to you now.

Michael pulls back, spreading your ass cheeks apart with both hands before leaning his head down and breathing hotly over your sensitive clit. “Talk. You want this, don’t you?”

“Mmmmm, yes!” Your knuckles turn white from how harshly you clutch the bedsheets. “D-deserve it! B-because you don’t deserve it!”

“You don’t think I deserve you?” Michael narrows his eyes, refusing to wait for a reaction or reply of any kind.

Instead, taking you by surprise, Michael plants a sloppy, full-mouthed kiss over your clit—suckling over it.

“Oh, YES!” You cry out, clasping a hand over your mouth almost instantly.

Ignoring you, Michael clutches harshly onto your ass to keep your legs spread—the feeling of his warm, wet tongue licking over your clit sending sparks of pleasure inside you.

You pull your hand off your mouth, rolling your eyes back to feel Michael’s mouth slobbering over your pussy and lapping up your wetness with his tongue.

‘Worth. It!’ Whiny little moans escape your lips as Michael doesn’t relent in his pace, now grinding his tongue and lips against your sex.

“M-Michael, Michael—” Face flushed scarlet and moaning out your husband’s name as your body begs for more, Michael keeps his teasing at it should be—sweet and short.

Michael parts his tongue away from your pussy slowly, a string of spit separating from his mouth before he 

pulls you back over to him by your hips. “What was that? Hmm?”

“Maybe you should…” You breathe out, looking back over your shoulder to challenge him once more. “Just give up already. Go and fuck Rita—do yourself a favor and leave me alone so I can go find someone else—”

Michael clasps his hand over your mouth, instantly silencing you as he scowls. “Shut the fuck up.”

Not only does his irritation build from how serious your tone of voice sounds but also from how difficult you’ve been acting towards him. 

“You think that’s what I fucking want, hmm?” Michael roughly shakes your face, bucking his hips up instantly and impaling your pussy with his cock.

“Mm!” You moan loudly against Michael’s hand before he pins the side of your face onto the bed—still keeping his hand right over your mouth to keep you quiet.

“Find someone else?” Michael grunts, thrusting deep inside of you with no mercy—pushing all eight inches of him in. “I’ll teach you to listen to listen to the things that come out of your fucking mouth.”

‘Oh fuck, yes.’ Desperate to feel Michael’s cock going in and out of you, you push your hips back against his but you’re easily overpowered by the position he has you in.

“I’m going to ruin you,” Michael breathes out, gripping your ass and slamming into you again and again.

The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room as Michael’s cologne and your perfume mix around one another, accompanied by the scent of sex.

Just from the angle Michael fucks your pussy in roughly, you can already feel a powerful orgasm being coaxed out of you.

As you peek back at Michael, you only meet his narrowed eyes and as if to punish you for looking back, Michael instantly picks up his ruthless pace while fucking you.

“You’re mine.” Michael leans down, hissing in your ear before wrapping a firm hand around your throat. “Mine.”

Not even halfway through being fucked into a state of bliss, you’re already feeling the heights of euphoria have the best angry sex of your life with Michael.

Michael feels your pussy humming and clenching against him as your orgasm continues to build still fucking the ever-living life out of you by the minute.

The bed begins to shake, causing the headboard to rattle against the wall as Michael pounds into your pussy like a wild animal over and over again.

Your moans grow louder and more desperate, calling out Michael’s name several times to feel more and more.

Fucking you like a ragdoll fully under his dominance, Michael notices how your ass cheeks redden from hitting his hips at such a rough and quick pace. “You want this, huh? You fucking love it. You love being fucked like a dirty whore!”

“Y-yes!” You can barely even nod back at Michael, only focused on how your body begs for his cock to fill your hole again. 

“Every other man can fucking dream,” Michael slams in and out of you mercilessly, “because you’re mine, and nobody else will get to do this to you.”

You shriek out, brought to loud and uncontrollable moans. “Please, please!”

Michael’s hair once neatly slicked back comes apart from the heat and friction surrounding you two; his hair now begins to curl against the sweat forming on his forehead. “Now she knows how to beg, huh? How sweet.”

Ignoring your pleas for more, Michael raises your ass upwards and watches his cock slick in and out of you as fast as his hips can possibly thrust. 

“Fucking. Whore!” A low moan comes from Michael who jerks his hips and hits your G-Spot consecutively. “You love taking in my cock, don’t you? This is how you wanted me to shut you up?”

Being fucked into nothing but pure bliss, you gasp out and curl your toes in response to feeling Michael cum inside you—still refusing to slow his thrusts.

“Just as you should be.” Michael squeezes the sides of your throat, “filled with my fucking cum, thinking over everything you said twice.”

Just the sight of Michael dominating you and taking control from behind turns you on like none other—now grabbing onto the headboard to hammer inside of you.

“Gonna cum! I’m g-gonna cum!” Your eyes prickle up with tears from how good every sensation flowing inside of you is.

The very mention of your orgasm approaching causes Michael to fuck you even harder, as rough as he can be—turning him into a wild man. 

“Who would have known—” Michael breathes, hearing his cock sloshing into your pussy. “That the little slut needed my cock to shut her up?”

“Mmmm!” You let out a weak, out-of-breath giggle. 

“You love arguing with me, I know you do.” Michael pushes your face back down on the bed, taking all of his sexual frustrations out on you. “Now you can’t get a single word out, can you?”

Having Michael constantly in his state of stern calmness and coldness to all fucking you this rough, sloppy, and relentless is heavenly and only adds to how severely aroused you are.

The pressure of your orgasm builds up in your gut almost unbearably so; your clit is engorged from being stimulated as Michael’s manhood comes in contact with it with each thrust. 

Your breasts bounce against the bedsheets as Michael becomes so lost in you that he’s thrusting harder than ever without losing his rhythm, now utterly oblivious to his surroundings or anything else.

Unable to take any more of your orgasm edging with Michael cumming inside of you a second time, you scream out Michael’s name as you cock your head back and feel your orgasm rush through you.

Michael licks over his lips, keeping you pressed up against his body to ride out your orgasm as your thighs shake uncontrollably against Michael. “Did I say you could cum?”

“M-Michaellllll,” you whine, feeling both of Michael’s hands cupping your breasts. “I-I couldn’t—”

“Couldn’t what?” Michael tilts your chin to face him directly, looking you in the eye. “Couldn’t do what you were told?”

“Oh?” You giggle, clutching onto Michael’s shoulders and holding in your whimpers as his cock is still buried deep inside of you. “You’re gonna punish me for that too?”

“What use is a punishment if you beg for it?” Michael squeezes your breasts together. “You like being fucked this hard, you like edging out your orgasm, and you love getting spanked.”

“That doesn’t stop you, does it, Don Corleone?” Attempting to catch your breath, you let yourself fall back on the bed with Michael’s arm around your waist.

“Don’t say stupid shit like that again.” Michael hovers over top of you, placing a finger against your lips. “Or I’ll make sure you can’t sit for a week straight.”

“Mm,” you pout back at Michael, running your hands up and down his biceps. “Don’t threaten me with a good time now, baby.”

~

“Mr. and Mrs. Corleone are preoccupied with business matters at the moment and do not wish to be disturbed” generic excuse also served to be the perfect lie for last night as even though you and Michael had the best angry, make-up sex of your lives, the two of you decided to go at it for two more rounds before retiring for the night and without thinking twice about returning to the party.

Of course, neither you nor Michael made the dinner event downstairs an entire waste by not attending, since Michael had room service bring up the entire meal service to the suite—including the full bottles of champagne and Italian wine.

The official celebrations won’t exactly be “over” until the two of you make the drive back to Lake Tahoe, meaning photographers and overly curious journalists (especially from your early absence last night) will be more than glad to accompany you for breakfast.

Sore as ever and snuggled up on Michael’s chest all night right up until the alarm goes off at exactly 7:00 AM.

All it takes is Michael slamming his palm down on the alarm and almost sending it flying off the nightstand (and causing you to giggle as a result) to silence it just to spend a few more minutes cuddled up naked in bed with you.

“Mm, I think we have a problem, Don Corleone.” You can barely hold your giggles in as you trace lazy little circles over Michael’s chest.

“And that is?” Michael’s muscles relax into the bedsheets as he rakes a hand through his messy bed hair. 

‘My God…’ Your eyes gaze up at the smoldering sight of Michael naked, one arm propped up against the mattress with his other hand stroking through your hair gently.

“Too sore, might not be able to sit up at all.” You laugh quietly against Michael’s chest. 

Michael chuckles—his morning voice deep and still laced with some sleepiness as he kisses your forehead. “Appearances matter, Mrs. Corleone.”

“Using my own words against me, huh?” Grinning, you bite down on the corner of your lip and slowly begin to sit up in bed.

“Mmhmm.” Michael’s eyes flicker down to your exposed breasts before meeting your eyes again. “Neither of us is going anywhere or doing anything until we shower at the very least.”

“Then the world can wait for us.” You lace a hand with Michael’s, tugging to get him out of bed.

“The world doesn’t have a choice.” Michael chuckles breathily, throwing the covers off of him.

You already know if you take another peek back at Michael that you may as well just go for another three rounds just at the sight of your naked husband alone.

“You have to promise me one thing though,” your usual enthusiastic tone returns to you this morning as you and Michael enter the spacious hotel bathroom.

“After last night, I’m the one making promises?” Michael pulls aside the shower curtains, angling the shower head towards the wall.

“Why not?” You tease, removing the protective cover off of a new toothbrush by the bathroom sink. “This time I think it’s one you can definitely keep.”

“Very funny,” Michael comments, adjusting the shower water. “Let's hear it, then.”

“I want to gel your hair before we go downstairs for breakfast,” you blush, squeezing some toothpaste over your toothbrush.

“Because…?” Michael pulls the shower curtains shut halfway, still walking around the bathroom completely naked before opening up a cabinet to grab some towels.

“Because I want to, that’s my reasoning.” Giggling, you look into the mirror and can see Michael towards the back of the bathroom as you begin to brush your teeth.

“I won’t object to that.” Michael sets down two fresh bathrobes and an additional pair of towels for his and your hair over the bathroom counter.

Michael embraces you from behind and plants a warm kiss over the side of your neck as you continue brushing your teeth before he grabs the second, new toothbrush and begins to do the same.

Blushing, you finish up and wash off your toothbrush before pecking a kiss over Michael’s cheek and hopping into the shower first. “Mwah.”

“Mm.” Michael watches as you step into the shower, letting the hot water rinse over your naked body—particularly over the hickies trailing around your back, over your ass, and above your sex.

“Come onnnnn,” you call out, purposefully keeping the shower curtains open a little for Michael to see the water running over you.

Michael rinses out his mouth, cleaning up and setting his toothbrush aside before approaching the shower. “Insistent, are we?”

“Come in!” You pop your head out, giving Michael a wet kiss and trying to pull him inside.

“You come to me.” Michael pulls you into his arms instead as he gets into the shower, causing you to squeal as both of you are caught under the hot water. 

“Mm, you don’t give me a break, do you?” You wrap your arms over Michael’s shoulders, standing under the water with him.

“Over just what, exactly? Maybe I like to keep you on your toes.” Michael steals a kiss from his lips; the water soaking through his dark hair.

“Over looking like this all the damn time,” you whine quietly, reaching for a bottle of shampoo—unable to ignore the way the water runs over Michael’s chest, clinging onto his chest hair.

“Haven’t seen yourself lately.” Michael grabs your ass with both hands, pulling you closer to him. “You know, the freshly fucked last night and soaking wet look is a good one on you.”

“You’re gonna tease me this early in the morning?” Your cheeks flush red from embarrassment as you.

“Can’t get enough—” Michael kisses in between your breasts, making momentary eye contact with you, “—of you.”

Shyly gazing up at Michael, you let out a shaky breath. “Definitely teasing me now.”

“I know I’ve got your attention.” Michael gently tilts up your chin with his finger, running his thumb against your wet bottom lip. “Just as I had it last night.”

“Not upset, are you?” You bunch your soaked hair up in your hand, pulling it over your shoulder. “About what I said…?”

“Should I be?” Michael sighs in relief under the running hot water.

“Certainly gave me a reaction.” You watch as Michael works his slim fingers through the shampoo he’s slathered in his hair.

“You’re the only person on earth who gets a ‘reaction’ from me.” Michael lets the water rinse through his hair. 

“But even then you can hide it well, huh?” You smile playfully, making sure to get shampoo through the ends of your hair.

“See, you have your answer.” Droplets of water land over Michael’s eyelashes as he lets the hot water drip down his naked body. “It generally had me upset, yes, but I knew you didn’t mean it. As you never do.”

“Oh?” Your eyes widen in surprise. “And you know this how…?”

“Because,” Michael watches water run down every inch of your skin under the showerhead with him. “Had you been upset enough with me, we wouldn’t have slept together, but I wouldn’t let you go to bed angry with me.”

“I know.” You pout back at him, squeezing the excess shampoo out of your hair. “At least you wouldn’t have to ‘play the guessing game’ with me about it anymore.”

“I know how she makes you feel, baby.” Michael begins to foam up some body wash over his arms and chest. “I don’t want you to come close to feeling those same emotions again. At the very least, nothing near what you were saying last night.”

“Just to get you turned on and jealous.” You squeeze the loofa in Michael’s hand, causing more of the frothy body wash to drip over his chest. 

“It did something,” Michael still wouldn’t admit to being jealous outright, pressing his chest against yours and closing off any space between the two of you. “It made you sore, it made you beg.”

“What’s a girl supposed to do?” you blush furiously as his hands roam over your breasts, sharing the body wash with you. “You know just how I like it.”

“Rough,” Michael states out, gently caressing and soaping up your body against his. “Soft, sensual, just about anything there and in-between.”

“Show me something else tonight when we have the chance to sneak away, hmm?” You teasingly suggest, watching the way the water dribbles down Michael’s plush lips and chiseled jawline.

“I can promise you that already, baby.” Michael leans in for another kiss.

Depending on both of your daily schedules regardless of where both you and Michael are, there’s always an insistence on joining one another in a shower or a bath.

It never entirely has to be sexual either, although you and Michael know it very well could be, there’s nothing more relaxing and soothing than sharing a hot shower or bath with one another before starting your day or ending it.

Still, with Michael’s business trips, early meetings, and days you’re expected at the courthouse, showering and having baths together has been somewhat of a rare pastime you always want to make up for.

~

Without enough time to properly dry your hair and style it for the morning which would matter little to you had you been anywhere else but at the Tropigala, you improvise perfectly by using a few of your own hair products and gel to pull off a perfect French twist look with ease.

As Michael carefully shaves off his stubble, you stand behind him still in your bathrobe and almost fully dry, working to gel through Michael’s hair.

The clean slicked back look—whether it’s parted from the side, the middle, or slicked right back from the center—is one classic hairstyle you’ve been surrounded with seeing your brothers and father have anywhere for any occasion.

Timelessly sexy and the preferred, clean look for a mafioso, you’re very well aware Michael never leaves the house without his hair neatly styled one way or the other and you’re obsessed with any of his looks with any of his suits.

It’s not the first time you’ve gelled and styled through Michael’s hair, but you can definitely count it as a rare occasion on your fingers.

“You’re the only one I know who enjoys this,” Michael murmurs out a comment, washing the shaving foam off of his razor.

“Why wouldn’t I?” You chuckle, dipping your fingertips into Michael’s preferred high shine and high hold gel pomade before working it through Michael’s hair. “It reminds me of when we first got married.”

“Mm?” Michael continues shaving alongside his jawline. “How so?”

“Well…” Blush hits your cheeks as you comb through Michael’s hair to spread around the product evenly first. “I’d wake up and there’d you’d be, already dressed and ready to go for the day; new suit, cologne on, hair done and everything. I like that, I always have, but I like getting ready with you like this more.”

Michael doesn’t answer you, but the curious glance you two exchange from looking into the mirror causes you to giggle quietly as you continue styling his hair.

You part Michael’s hair towards the left side of his scalp but without doing so that would show a full, clear part. 

From there, instead of gelling and slicking Michael’s hair back and towards the nape of his neck, you slick his hair horizontally to the side. 

Humming quietly while Michael begins to finish up his shaving and use a wet cloth to wipe off the shaving foam from his cheeks, you dip your comb and fingers back into the gel pomade every now and then to get a clean, perfectly slick look.

Not a single strand of Michael’s hair sticks out, is loose, or appears frizzy. Once you get towards the sides of Michael’s hair, you slick it back neatly to the back.

Instead of a fully slicked gel look through the middle and completely clean look, there’s a slight bit of volume in Michael’s hair where you parted it to the left and combed it left and right instead of straight back. 

Michael’s dark hair gives a clean, healthy shine from the gel, and his shower without a gritty hold or any product clinging to his skin all within five minutes.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be so used to it if Niccolò wasn’t always so adamant about looking like his father.” You beam, closing the tin top of the hair pomade and setting the comb down.

“Can’t blame him, can we?” Michael pats an aftershave lotion over his cheeks and jawline before washing off his hands. “You work quickly,” Michael glances at both sides of his hair in the mirror, impressed. “Thank you, darling.”

“Don’t have to thank me for that.” You lean in, kissing Michael’s cheek and inhaling the scent of his heavenly aftershave. “Mmm, look and smell so good.”

“I haven’t got my cologne on just yet.” Michael moves his head to steal a quick kiss from your lips. “Are we pressed for time?”

“Almost,” you sheepishly admit. “Better get dressed before the photographers practically show up at our suite door.”

“Not that I would be surprised.” Michael shakes his head, smoothening out his bathrobe. “May as well.”

Your day dress for breakfast today at the Tropigala is sleek and elegant; a white empire drape dress that hugs at your hips and has a cinched bow over your collarbone.  

Your hand is just as quick as flicking over a small wing of eyeliner over your eyelids, applying a coat of mascara, and using white pencil eyeliner for your bottom lid but you already find yourself more than distracted being able to see Michael behind you in the mirror.

Just as you’re applying a medium tone of coral lipstick over your lips, your eyes dart over to Michael who lets his bathrobe drop by the hotel closet.

A tug of sudden, deep arousal pulls in your gut at the sight of your husband naked, pulling on a pair of briefs and watching the way Michael opts for a wine-red dress shirt that hugs his back and arm muscles as he pulls it over himself.

Topping his look off with a navy jacket, and matching trousers, Michael tucks a baroque patterned day cravat neatly into his collar instead of a tie and approaches you by the vanity table provided by the hotel where he reaches for his cologne and sprays it over himself a modest amount.

“Ready to go with only two minutes to spare?” Michael extends his hand out to you.

“I’m sure everyone’s just dying to see us.” You laugh, nodding and taking your husband’s hand as you get up from your seat.

From the very moment you and Michael exit your suite and make your way towards one of the dining patios outside, both your bodyguards Ritchie Nobilio and Al Neri are quick to accompany you two from the crowd of expectant photographers.

Not bothering to stop by for questions or give the photographers the angles they want for their pictures, Michael gives an acknowledging wave and you a polite smile on your behalf before leaving the line of sight of the photographers.

Michael keeps an arm around your waist, walking close side by side with you as your eyes widen in delight to see the beautifully set up, private table by the garden and water fountain with you and Michael’s name reserved on it.

The glass walls that separate the private, luxurious outdoor patio look into the midst of the dining hall where it’s now less crowded than it was last night, but still filled with guests and patrons enjoying their breakfast.

“Darling,” Michael murmurs, pulling your dining chair back for you to sit on first. 

Blushing, you take your seat across from Michael and tuck your chair in—being served immediately by two nearby waiters who set down a plate of freshly baked biscotti, two glasses of water accompanied by two cups of just brewed cappuccinos, five selections of fruit jams, a frittata and chocolate-banana stuffed crepe for both you and Michael.

“Thank you,” Michael tells the waiters as you smile up at them, speaking out to you after they leave. “How’s that for the Tropigala’s warm welcome during breakfast?”

“A major, lovely improvement from Klingman’s days running the hotel.” You admit, placing a piece of biscotti next to your crepe.

“I’ll say.” Michael holds back rolling his eyes at the thought. “My father was stunned when the news came that Klingman gave up the Tropigala’s license.”

“Was that before or after Al beat it out of him?” You giggle, beginning to eat your crepe.

“Neri has his ways.” Michael shakes his head, stirring his cappucino. “Now Klingman spends the rest of his days chatting about how the Corleone family has a monopoly on casinos, resorts, and hotels in Nevada.”

“I’d say that’s a bit of an exaggeration.” You dip your butterknife into the raspberry jam, spreading it over your piece of biscotti. “I don’t think we’ve even—” Your butter knife drops from your hand and clings against the side of your plate as you stop talking.

Michael’s just raised his coffee to his lips, pausing and noticing you stopping mid-sentence. “What is it, darling?”

Your eyes lock onto Rita Duvall’s on the other side of the glass wall inside of the dining hall. Leaning against the wall with one arm and grinning at you and Michael, just the sight of her alone causes enough bitter annoyance and anger to spoil your appetite.

Michael turns his head back, noticing Rita whose eyes now meet Michael’s out of pleasant surprise he even bothered to turn back and look at her.

More than pleased to divert Michael’s attention from you, Rita continues shyly gazing at your husband and her eyes light up in excitement when Michael sets down his cappuccino to rise up from his seat.

‘Where is he…?’ You stare at Michael, unable to speak out as he smoothens out his jacket and rather calmly makes his way towards Rita like he’s been expecting to see her all morning.

You force your eyes down onto your food, picking up your butter knife again only to feel your anxiety flaring up inside of you seeing Michael beginning to approach Rita inside the dining hall. 

“Mr. Corleone, hello.” Rita blushes, politely greeting Michael and reaching out her hand to shake his.

Michael approaches her upfront, refusing to shake her hand but not appearing to be in a foul mood either. “Miss Duvall, I wasn’t aware you attended our annual celebration last night.”

“I was Senator Geary’s guest.” Rita admits, “I admit, it was a surprise for me to come by as well but I thoroughly enjoyed the meal service and all the entertainment, so thank you.”

“You should keep your appreciation and thanks to those who work here, not myself.” Michael’s voice remains stern towards her. “Just as you should stay away from Victoria.”

“Aww,” Rita pouts at Michael, “did she send you in here to talk to me?”

“No.” Michael stares at Rita coldly. “It was my choice. I would have done the same had I seen you last night.”

The smug look on Rita’s face begins to fade almost instantly. 

“You’re a grown woman,” Michael continues, gesturing to her. “And I can’t stop you from any of your so-called ‘fantasies’ but keep in mind I’m aware of the things you say to my wife about me.”

From where you sit, you have a perfect view across from you of Michael and Rita speaking to one another, but it’s already apparent to you that it’s Michael doing the talking considering how taken back Rita appears.

“Mr. Corleone—”

“Leave.” Michael lowers his voice. “Enjoy your last breakfast service here, then never find yourself welcome here again, near me or my wife before the journalists catch wind of a desperate admirer in a state of delusion with sexual fantasies towards the owner of the Tropigala. Believe me when I tell you a story like that won’t do well for you or the Senator’s reputation.”

Overprotectiveness spikes up in Michael as he gives Rita a departing scowl, walking away from her as if he never had that conversation with her, to begin with.

You pretend to remain preoccupied eating your breakfast casually, instantly feeling relief from your anxiety and any annoyance from Rita’s nearby presence as Michael returns to your table.

“What was that all about…?” You swallow down your food, staring at Michael in surprise.

“Nothing important.” Michael takes a sip of his water, looking at you. “Just had to remind an unwanted guest that she can’t and will not talk and act the way she does to my wife.”

You cover the smile growing over your mouth with your hand. “Oh? She’s still there, looking at you in dismay, you know.”

“I don’t care,” Michael replies plainly, putting his water down.

“Still looking, still looking, and…” You lace your hands with Michael’s free one on the dining table before pulling him a little closer to you.

Leaning to the side, you move in and plant a loving kiss over Michael’s lips right as Rita stares and watches the two of you inside the dining hall.

When you pull back, you only part your lips from Michael’s for a second before kissing him over and over again—each kiss deepened and returned by your husband until Rita huffs, throwing her purse over her shoulder and going to exit the Tropigala. 

“You’re mine and only mine,” you tell Michael as you sit back in your seat. “You know I take no issue with letting other people know.”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 12) - Not So Sweet Home

Summary: Jensen is fed up with his parents ignoring Y/N all day and when he gets a moment alone, blows up on them like never before. The reader sees how upset Jensen is over what’s happening and does her best to defend him while still trying to salvage a relationship with them...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,200ish

Warnings: language, major family angst, mention of a dead parent

A/N: Eek! If you like angst this part is for you! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

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It was late, the kids asleep in the guest bedroom, Jensen’s siblings and their families gone home for the evening aside from his brother. He made some half ass excuse about wanting to hang out with Jensen more but you knew he could sense what you did. Jensen was getting close to popping after a whole day of politeness on his part and his parents ignoring you on theirs.

Jensen was bouncing his knee like crazy as he sipped on his beer around a gas fire pit, suddenly stopping when you shifted in your seat.

“Maybe you ought to cool it with the alcohol tonight,” said his dad. Jensen set his empty bottle down on the grass and breathed deeply through his nose. “Your legs been-”

“Y/N, would you get me another beer please?” asked Jensen. You took the opportunity to get out of there, surprised when the back door opened quickly after you, his brother closing it behind him.

“I don’t think your parents like me very much,” you said, going to the fridge and pulling out a drink. 

“I know,” he said, glancing out the dark window. “Jensen asked me to make sure you don’t come back out there.”

“He’s gonna go off on them.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m guessing,” he said with a sigh. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to go well. You guys can crash at my place if you want. We don’t have a guest room but we have an air mattress we can put in the family room.”

“You think it’ll be that bad?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

“Then why are we in here talking about this when we should be out there making sure he doesn’t say something he regrets in the morning.”

“You might hear things you can’t unhear,” he said. 

“Right now my concern isn’t if my feelings get hurt. He’s really upset and I need him to be okay.”

“You know that’s why the rest of us like you, don’t you? You care about him, the kids. You’re in love with him.”

“Yes I am,” you said as he nodded.

“You call me if either of you ever need anything,” he said, going back to the door. You nodded and took a deep breath, following him outside and already hearing raised voices.

“She’s half your age, Jensen,” said his mom. “She was your nanny. Sweetie you have to know what’s going on here.”

“You’re getting played,” said his father, catching you walking out with Josh.

“She is not half my age. She’s thirty fucking years old! She’s a goddamn adult and been through more shit then both of you put together! She’s not after fucking money,” snapped Jensen who was already out of his seat.

“You’re engaged to the girl after five months!” said his father. “It took you years to propose the first time around!”

“Because I was a nervous kid that was away working constantly. I didn’t want to make Dee stay if it was gonna make her unhappy. I’m not afraid of how I feel anymore because I feel the same about her as I do Dee and I’m not wasting my time so I can stick to your socially acceptable schedule,” said Jensen. “I love her and she’s gonna be part of this family whether you like it or not. Deal with it.”

“You need a prenup,” said his dad.

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do! You’ve known the girl for not even six months!”

“She’s not up to anything!” shouted Jensen.

“Son-”

“Have you ever lost your wife? Have you ever been in the car and almost die yourself while you watch her breathe for the last time? Where she’s hurt and you can’t do a thing to fix it? Have you ever had to tell your children their mother is dead and she’s not coming back? You have no idea, no idea, what that does to you, how much it hurts and how much it hurts when you’re still so fucked up and your parents start making comments behind closed doors about you and you have to pretend you’re better when you’re really not. When you don’t even care about yourself anymore, when you pretend for everyone’s sake so they stop treating you like a child, when you don’t know how to tell your kids it’s okay because it’s not. It’s not. Until you go through that, until you know how bad it hurts, don’t assume a damn thing about her. She’s my best friend and she makes me feel like my old self again. I laugh and smile and have fun and when I get scared or feel guilty or freak out she makes me feel better. I don’t give a fuck how old she is or what her job was. She’s kind and good and she deserves better than you two. Danneel’s parents like her. Jared’s parents like her. Her old foster dad’s family likes her. Our family likes her except for you two. Get your heads out of your asses or you can not even bother letting me know you exist anymore. I’m done with things hurting the women I care about. I couldn’t stop what happened to Dee but I can sure as hell keep Y/N away from the two of you,” said Jensen. He huffed and walked off, Josh running off after him. 

“Well congratulations. You got your hooks in him deep, don’t you,” said his father. You rolled your eyes and his mother scoffed.

“You can take care of someone without treating them like a child you know. He’s an incredibly strong person. If you don’t like me fine. But don’t call him stupid or easily manipulated or imply that it’s wrong to know you love someone after only a certain amount of time. I love your son.”

“You love his money,” said his mom.

“I do just fine on my own,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “He’s staying at Josh’s house tonight. We’ll pick up the kids in the morning.”

“He’s overreacting. He’ll be fine in the morning,” said his dad. You crossed your arms and leaned your head back. “He’ll be fine.”

“You two don’t know a thing about me and you assume I want money because of my age and my former career. Don’t assume your son will be fine and get over it.”

“We’ve known him a lot longer than you have. He’ll get over it after a night’s rest.”

“You may have known him longer and I’m sure in some regards you do know him better but not the ones that matter. If you did, you would have seen how much he would have loved for the two of you to like me. I would have taken some respect and been happy because trust me, I get how this looks to everyone else. I understand you have fears and I’m not mad you have them. I’m mad you assume those are facts when all they are is a story you made up in your head you don’t want to change. He’s right, I’m not going anywhere. The difference between him and me though is that I’ll stay out here all damn night with the two of you until you get it through your heads that I’m not here to fuck him over. I love him. I don’t have family, not really. Things have always been screwed up for me pretty much until I met him and he didn’t have to say it for me to know that he was hoping he could share the two of you with me. Maybe I was hoping for that too. But right now I’ll take some goddamn respect and an apology to your son to start and we can go from there.”

“You’re gonna curse at us and expect an apology?” said his mom. “We know you took him when he was at his low and tricked him into trusting you so you could get exactly what you wanted.”

“You know what I want? What I’ve always wanted and somehow always seems to get ripped away? A family. A stupid fucking family. Being a nanny? That let me feel like part of the family. I could pretend I was like all of those people I worked for. Nice and normal and like people gave a shit. Some kindness and a family is all I’ve ever wanted. You two...you wouldn’t have survived a day in my childhood. In my adulthood with the shitty ex boyfriend and the crappy friends and I picked myself over all of them because my mom told me to stand up for myself. Even when she couldn’t be there and I wanted her to. So I stand up for myself and now I stand up for him and those three kids to anyone and I mean anyone, that hurts them. He’s my family and those kids are my family. I don’t know what you think I’m gonna do but I guarantee the only thing I will do is tell you two where to shove it and to leave him the hell alone.”

“Why would we believe anything you say? At all?” his dad asked. “It’s probably the same sad story you told him to get him on the line. I don’t buy it.”

“I have a million dollar book deal. I’ve worked rent free for a lot of rich people since I was eighteen years old. Do I sound like someone who needs his money?” you said. You put your hands on your hips and shook your head. “What is it? You want me to sign a prenup? I would but he doesn’t want one. He trusts me and for a guy that lost his wife and had to work through falling in love with another person, I respect that. He knows what he wants and he’s not wasting time. This is scary for him. It’s scary for me. But when Dee’s parents gave me open arms and kindness and their blessing, the last people I ever expected to disapprove were you two. If you’re going to stand there and keeping calling me a liar, I’m going to find your sons and I’m going take care of Jensen instead of wasting my time here.”

“We don’t disapprove of him moving on and marrying again,” said his mom as you turned to walk away.

“Could have fooled me,” you said. 

“He’s going too fast and he doesn’t know you either, not well enough to make a decision like that,” said his dad. You turned around and smiled.

“He knows my favorite color. He knows what my favorite flavor of ice cream is. He knows why I have nightmares and he knows how to make me forget them in the first place. I’m sorry we aren’t doing things on your schedule but it’s his life. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with it, whether that’s me or somebody else. For the record, he knows me just fine. Oh and if this is how you plan on speaking to him again in the morning, I’ll pick up the kids myself.”

“We’re looking out for his best interest,” said his dad.

“No, you think you’re looking at his wallet for him. See money? People think that’s important and it is but best interest? It ain’t that shit,” you said as you started to leave.

“Well what do you assume his best interest is then?” said his mom. 

“Treating him like an adult. He is smart and strong and the most emotionally healthy man I’ve ever met which considering all the fucked up shit he’s been through and felt the past year is really saying something. He’s your child but he’s not a child. He found someone he loves and all he wanted to do was share me with you. This was his worst nightmare and I couldn’t stop it. So if you’re not gonna even try with me, then I’m gonna protect him from you.”

“He doesn’t need protecting from us,” he said.

“You call him stupid and that he can’t take care of himself, that he can be fooled and that the person he thinks is his best friend really only wants him for his money. He knows none of those things are true but it’s what you said to him when you said that about me. For a man who went through what he did, it wasn’t mean. It was cruel. I’m gonna go fix what I can of your relationship with him because despite all that, I know you guys love each other and I’m not letting that get fucked up because you think whatever the hell you think about me.”

You stormed off around the house and found Josh’s truck still there but neither man in sight. You looked around and heard a sniffle, your head going up to the roof. You saw the lattice work on the side and climbed up, peeking your head up to spot the two of them sat on the roof.

“Hey,” you said quietly. Jensen wouldn’t look at you, Josh rubbing his back. 

“Careful,” he said as you climbed up and slowly walked over. You took a seat on your bottom, spotting the window behind them. “That was my room. Jensen used to sneak out this way. I was always too nervous of getting caught to try myself. You landed the bad boy of the family.”

“Oh yeah, such a bad boy,” you said. You scooted closer on your butt to him, Jensen resting his head on his knees. “Hey. Before you even think about it don’t say you’re sorry.”

“I know,” he said. He took a deep breath but looked up, looking fairly normal aside from a slightly pink nose. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nobody was,” said Josh. “I’ll give you guys a minute. I’ll be in my car when you’re ready.”

“You should go home,” said Jensen. “Staying in a different house won’t change anything.”

“That was kinda fucked up what they said.” Jensen raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. “I don’t always agree with them. If you guys want to stay, that’s your choice but I’m not going home without telling them what a mistake they’re making.”

“You don’t have to-”

“You’re my little brother and I like her. Even if I didn’t, they’re being assholes and she doesn’t deserve that. You don’t. Alright?”

Jensen nodded and Josh walked off to the lattice and climbed down while you scooted next to Jensen. 

“You thought your siblings weren’t gonna like me,” you said.

“He’s a good person. He’s never told off our parents before so...I don’t know if I’m happy about that or not.”

“He’s a good big brother,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “I don’t love you for your family though. I don’t care if your parents don’t like me. I’ll deal with it.”

“I wish you didn’t have to,” he said.

“I still like your dad so much better than mine,” you said.

“Yours is a monster to be fair.”

“Yeah, he is. Yours love you and I don’t agree with them but in their minds, they’re protecting you and I don’t have a problem with anyone trying to do that.”

“How are you so fucking kind to them after they basically said you’re with their dumbass son because of money?”

“Like you said, I know monsters. I know toxic and bad. They aren’t it. They raised you and I really, really like you. Good people can be stupid and still be good. In the morning we’ll try again.”

“What if I can’t get them to change their minds?” he said quietly. 

“Jensen,” you said, moving to squat down in front of him. You grabbed his cheeks and he stared at you. “You don’t have to pick anybody over anybody. Maybe I won’t be close with them but that’s okay. It’s so okay. We’ll respect each other or just won’t talk to each other and we’ll figure it out but we don’t have to do it all tonight.”

“I think what bothers me the most is they’ve already made up their minds about you based on your age when they don’t even realize who you are. They don’t see that this is the kind of person you are, kind and supportive and I heard you not taking their bullshit. You’re a stronger person than I am and I wish they could see that the reason I’m not freaking out over this is cause I know you’re my partner and you got my back like I got yours. I’m just having a hard time understanding why they won’t even listen to us.”

“I don’t know,” you said, eyes darting to the window when you caught some movement inside. You narrowed them and glanced down, spotting the crack between the windowsill and frame. “I’m a little cool. I’m gonna get my sweatshirt if that’s okay.”

“Careful climbing in,” he said, turning on his bottom and pushing the window up. You kissed his cheek and climbed inside, the room empty as far as you could tell. You stepped out to the hall and into his old room, getting your hoodie, his old hoodie. You pulled it on but went downstairs, catching his parents in the kitchen with Josh.

“Josh may I speak to your parents in private,” you said.

“Yeah. I’m done here. I’ll be over for brunch, okay?” he said. He walked past you and caught your arm. “Call me if you need me back.” You nodded and he kissed your temple before he went out. 

“Were you eavesdropping on us?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“We went to tell him to get off the roof. We could see him from the backyard up there,” said his mom, putting her back to you as she mixed up something in a mug. “But we heard the three of you talking and then the two of you. We didn’t mean-”

“We are all on the same side. His side. We should get along. It shouldn’t be this difficult and I don’t appreciate private conversations being listened in on. But I hope you understand that you hurt your son. I know you didn’t mean to and it’s the last thing you’d ever want to do to him. But you did. So please try to help me fix this. This isn’t easy for me to accept that you don’t like me either but you’re gonna respect me. If we can respect each other, then he’s not going to worry as much at least. Please promise that we can agree to that,” you said. His parents looked at each other and you sighed. “You have to be kidding me. What do you want me to do? Go away? I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

“That’s not...Jensen called your father a monster up there,” he said. 

“I thought it was a sob story according to you ten minutes ago.”

“You said you don’t have parents. He said your father is alive.”

“What’s your point, Mr. Ackles,” you said. “Please enlighten me.”

“It doesn’t make much sense to tell different stories,” he said. 

“You can’t even give me the benefit of the doubt that I love your son. Why the fuck would I tell you things only he knows, things so few people know about. Why would I trust you with the worst parts of my life when you don’t accept the best ones. For your information, my birth mother is dead. My adoptive mother is dead. I wish my son of a bitch father was dead. The only glimmer of a parent I have maybe, maybe was my foster father. That was until last weekend. I met some parents. I met Dee’s. I met Jared’s. I got the same message from all of them. Let us know if you ever need anything. Oh the way he looks at you. You must be pretty special. Anything at all, you give us a call. People that don’t even have an obligation to look in my direction treated me like I was their kid. So maybe he and I both got our hopes up with you two and that was on us. If you want to pick apart what I’ve said and call me a liar…” you said, putting your hands on your hips. Your shut your eyes and breathed deeply, turning around. “I don’t care if you have to pretend to respect me. Just do it for his sake and the kids sakes, alright?”

A tissue appeared over your shoulder and you took it, blowing your nose and stepping away. 

“When did your mother’s pass?” you heard behind you. You threw your head back and took a deep breath.

“When I was born and when I was sixteen,” you said, turning around and swallowing. “Why does that matter?”

“When were you adopted?” he asked.

“Why do you care?”

“Please.”

“I was eight,” you said.

“So you only had your mother for eight years then,” he said. 

“Yeah. She got sick when I was fourteen. I stayed with her boyfriend until I moved out for my first nanny job at eighteen. It was all very sad and angsty,” you said.

“Who made the first move?” 

“I’m done with this interrogation,” you said. You started to leave but he stepped in front of you. “What do you want from me?”

“I just want to know who made the first move, you or Jensen.”

“I don’t…” you trailed off. “We had a fight. I told him I didn’t want him to be my friend anymore, he was just my boss and that was it. We couldn’t hang out at night and stuff anymore.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want him to hurt me,” you said quietly. “I didn’t fit with his life. I’m not a pretty actress. I’m not smart. I’m the younger nanny and that’s all I was gonna be until I became an older nanny and that was supposed to be my life. I didn’t ask for…”

“For what?” asked his mother, carrying over her mug and setting it down on the end table.

“I didn’t ask for him to love me. But he did and I don’t know why but I trusted him not to hurt me. It’s not fairytales and roses all day every day but I like having a best friend and I never would have submitted those books to a publisher without him encouraging me and I need him to feel better. He can’t catch a break lately and I hate seeing him upset. It makes me sick to my stomach and I really, really need him to be okay so please stop doing this. Just stop. Please. I don’t care if we have to pretend the rest of our lives but please, I can’t keep seeing him take hit after hit anymore and not being able to stop it.”

You weren’t expecting the hug from his father or to bury your face in his chest for a brief moment. His mom guided you to sit on the couch, pulling a blanket around you. She handed you the mug and you saw it was hot chocolate, your eyes darting back and forth between them.

“This isn’t about to be like a lifetime movie where you murder me, right?” you said. 

“No,” said his mom as she sat next to you. “We hurt you quite deeply today, didn’t we.”

You stared at the mug, holding it in your hands. 

“You were looking forward to meeting us,” said his dad as he sat down on your other side.

“It doesn’t matter. All I care about is him.”

“I don’t think he’d be very happy with you laying down for a semblance of normalcy for him,” he said.

“Just spit out whatever the fuck you want,” you said. You gripped the mug and shut your eyes.

“I’d like you to stop swearing please,” he said. “In exchange, maybe we can have a second chance.”

“Second chance at what?” you said dryly.

“At meeting our son’s fiance.” You lifted your head and stared at him, catching a bashful look you saw in Jensen every so often. “We understand, as well as we can, he was hurt after Danneel. We can’t fix those problems like when he would scrape his knees. We knew he was in a vulnerable position and things between the two of you seemed so fast for how in pain he was. We thought of the worst of you before knowing you and that wasn’t right of us. We were trying to protect him. But like you said, we all try to do that. So if you’ll let us, give us a second chance.”

“For him, I will give you both a second chance,” you said. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but this sort of thing isn’t going to go away just like that, for him or for me.”

“Is there anything…” said his mom as you shook your head. “We are sorry for before. Truly.”

“I know. Trust is difficult for me on a normal day. You guys kinda tore through the safety nets I thought I had with you. I need to build them up again is all.”

“That was you that said that, people have safety nets,” she said. You raised and eyebrow and she sighed. “Jensen, months back, he told us his therapist told him that, put things in perspective.”

“I guess couple’s are kinda each other’s therapists,” you said. “Sometimes they just need to vent to each other too.”

“Before you said...has he ever been to one?” asked his dad.

“Last weekend was...intense. I went to one as a child and he talked to him for a little while, helped him put things in perspective,” you said.

“Intense? Did you fight?” she asked.

“He and JJ got stung by a scorpion. It was a little serious. We went out the next night and I made a comment and he took it a different way and he got upset thinking I thought of myself as being less in his eyes than Dee was. I know it’s not true, it’s just different. He’s been having a really great week aside from today.”

You took a sip of the hot chocolate and went back for more, drinking half the mug down. 

“We screwed up,” said his dad with a sigh, sitting back against the couch. 

“Yeah but he’ll forgive you,” you said. “This is really good Mrs. Ackles.”

“Thank you sweetie and call me Donna. I made it for Jensen. He’s always liked it when he was living here and having a bad day.”

“Why do you think he’ll forgive us?” asked his dad as Donna got up.

“Because he’s Jensen. He’s not an angry man. Angry in moments but he doesn’t hold onto anger. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him. So I know he’ll forgive you. When I’m not sure of but it won’t be forever.”

“Have you two ever fought badly?” he asked.

“We’ve had a few fights. Mostly small and when we’re both tired or hungry. We had a big one a few weeks ago when he got home but we talked about why it happened and how to make sure it doesn’t again,” you said. Donna carried over a kettle and poured more hot chocolate in your mug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Don't ask about fights Alan. It’s not our business. We should let them tell us what they want,” she said as she walked back to the kitchen.

“They probably should have had a big fight at least once to know if they can work through those things and it sounds like they have,” he said when he turned to you. “I know you’re probably love struck but marriage? That’s a lifetime of putting in the work.”

“Alan if I didn’t care about putting in the work I wouldn’t be down here right now. I know I don’t know everything I’m signing up for and no one really does but I know him and the kids and that’s worth the parts I have to work at.”

“You sound older than you look.”

“Age doesn’t always equal life experience,” you said.

“I suppose not,” he said. He stood and took a deep breath. “I do apologize for thinking the worst of you and not giving you a fair chance upfront.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I’m going to bring this up and check on him.”

“Can I ask one last thing?” asked his dad. You nodded and he looked over to Donna who gave him a short nod. “Josh said you really love him.”

“I do.”

“Do you think he loves you the same way?”

“I know he does,” you said.

“How are you so sure?”

“How are you so sure your wife loves you?” you said. “Goodnight Alan.”

“Goodnight,” he said, his mom catching up with you in the foyer where the stairs were. You gave her a tired smile and she nodded.

“If I told you something, would you keep it a secret from Jensen?” she asked.

“No,” you said with a smile. 

“I had to try,” she said. “We’re not like this by nature. Something happened he doesn’t know about when he was recovering that put us off to you. A woman. A young woman at his physical therapy.”

“What happened?” you asked quietly. She took a seat on a step and you sat beside her. “If someone tried to take advantage of him, you should have told me and him. He thinks you guys have gone nuts, no offense.”

“You’ll find with time you’d rather have your child safe and upset at you than the other way around,” she said. 

“What happened?”

“We moved down to the house for a few months to help Jensen. He went to physical therapy. A very good place. A family friend works there and got him in and he regained a lot of strength in his leg quickly because of it. There were nurses that often helped and he worked with a few regularly and they develop a relationship and all that. It’s good for morale and healing we were told. One of these girls was about your age and our family friend overheard her gossiping to a friend on the phone during a lunch break.”

“Gossiping about…” you said. “Jensen?”

“They saw an opportunity to manipulate him. He is smart, smarter than the both of us together, but he was going through the motions that first month. She made him smile a bit. She flirted with him. Our friend told us what she’d said and we realized, he could be hurt again. Taken advantage of for what he has, what he can offer. His sudden shift in mood this year, introducing you as a fiance, made us think we’d failed to protect him this time.”

“Why not tell him that?” you asked.

“And tell him he was being manipulated back then? He’s so adamant that it can’t happen to him but we know different.”

“I think you should tell him, Donna. It makes your reaction today seem not so…” you said, her head shaking.

“Ma,” you both heard. You looked over your shoulders, Jensen sat against the wall at the top of the landing. “Mom. Jerry told me why I got a new nurse when it happened. She was nice, or was pretending to be, I don’t know. But I didn’t like her. I never got manipulated and I was never going to.”

“How long-” you said, Jensen rubbing the back of his neck. “You heard everything.”

“Yup,” he said, popping his p, his dad coming over to the bottom of the stairs and staring up. “I don’t want to talk to either of you right now. Y/N, I’d like to go to bed, please.”

“Accept their apology Jensen. You can hash out the rest of this in the morning but accept that they know they were in the wrong,” you said. 

“Why should I?” he asked, cocking his head.

“We both got hurt out of their love for you. They are not monsters and I know the difference,” you said. “You know too.”

“Will you two ever look at me the same again,” said Jensen, staring at the landing. 

“Honey it was a fight. It’ll be alright,” said his mom, his head shaking.

“Ever since I woke up in the hospital, you two look at me like I’m a kid. Like I’m weak and defenseless. But I’m not. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and this whole day could have been avoided if you treated me like your adult son, not the kid who fell off his bike and cries over a cut. I needed you two to take over, I did, I honestly did after the accident. I couldn’t take care of myself let alone the kids. But you haven’t stopped thinking I can take care of me again. I can. I do. I know I’m your kid but let me be an adult again. Trust me. Please.”

“Come here,” you said, holding out your hand. He slid down the steps and you stood up and aside, letting him get a hug from his mom and then dad. 

“We’re sorry,” said his dad.

“I know,” said Jensen quietly. “Never do something like that again. Ever.”

“We won’t,” he said. You leaned against the wall and sipped on the hot chocolate, Jensen’s nose twitching.

“That’s my cocoa,” he said, turning his head up at you.

“I just Jerry Springer’ed ya’ll. I get the cocoa. Get your own,” you said. He smiled and you gave it right back, his parents pulling off and bringing him to his feet. 

“Come here,” said his dad as his mom dragged him off towards the kitchen with the promise of hot chocolate. You stepped down until you were about his height and took a drink, licking your lips when you finished. “How do you just let that go? You were so angry before.”

“I’ve been to therapy. I have good diffusing skills,” you said. 

“Is that a joke?”

“Not really,” you said with a smile. “You made a mistake because you love him. I’m gonna make mistakes because I love him. So when I screw up, now you owe me one, deal?”

“I know it’s getting late but would you be willing to stay up a while longer, maybe find out that favorite color?” he asked. You smiled and nodded, stepping down.

“Depends on the day,” said Jensen, stepping out with a mug of his own.

“He’s right,” you said. “You okay to stay up a bit?”

He nodded and walked back to the family room, taking your hand. 

“Better?” you whispered to him.

“Yeah. Not all the way but definitely better honey.”

It was warm when you woke up the next morning. You peeled open an eye and caught Jensen laying awake, staring at his ceiling. You kicked off the blankets and he reached an arm out, pulling you to lay on his chest.

“It’s hot in here,” you mumbled, eyes shutting again.

“There’s a box covering the vent,” he said, dancing his fingers lazily over your bare arm. “It’s almost noon.”

“Seriously?” you said into his chest, nuzzling against his soft skin.

“Yeah. Sounds like they’re out back with the kids,” he said. You nodded and felt him move his fingers all over you, soft and light, absentmindedly tracing patterns every so often.

“Still upset?” you asked, his head nodding. “They’re human. They fuck up.”

“Are you angry?”

“I was. Not anymore. I kinda like ‘em actually.”

“Why would you give them a second chance?” he asked. 

“When I got adopted I didn’t like, instantly love my mom. I was scared of her at first. I don’t know, I get that you can not like someone at first and then love them unconditionally, you know? It’s weird but your opinions can change once you get to know someone.”

“I don’t do a very good job of protecting you from things,” he said, tilting his head, moving a few hairs behind your ear. You looked up at him, his fingers playing in your hair behind you. 

“Honey you went off on your parents last night. I bet you’ve never done that to them. You were trying to protect me and you did. No one has ever protected me the way you do,” you said. “Today is a new day and I’d like to get to know my new family some more.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll follow your lead.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 13 here!

[comfortwriting]

Coming Clean - F.W

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompt Masterlist

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Prompt 93: “I’m in love with you, I can’t hide it anymore and I don’t want to.”

Prompt 98: Shaking out of fear, he took hold of your hand, comforting you.

About: After being injured due to an explosion during the wizarding war, you are a patient in St. Mungos for months trying to recover. One day, your best friend Fred comes to visit you after realising life is too short for secrets.

Warnings: Mention of death, blood, bombings/explosions, wounds, scars, disfigurement, swearing, blindness, weight loss, death of family member, fluff towards the end.

One moment you were duelling with a death eater, shielding your best friend Fred from harm's way, and then the blast rang out, shooting you backwards, slamming you down, and the wall in front to collapse on top of you.

Alive? Dead? Inbetween? You didn't know.

You couldn't remember what happened after the blast, all you did know was that you were far away from Hogwarts, with no news or clue on the status of your family, friends, and Fred.

You felt numb, alone, scared, and in a different world - you heard small talk of the war, you heard of the casualties and injuries but you didn't know who - you felt enraged that you ended up here and not at Hogwarts, laying on the cold hard floor surrounded by those you needed now more than anything.

"Miss Y/L/N, please stop touching your face." Your nurse sighed, pouring a dark slimy potion into a cup.

Shrapnel grazed, pierced, and embedded into your left cheek, leaving a large gaping wound, another blinded you - your legs broken beyond repair and re-growth because of the collapsing wall which meant the skelegrow was no longer strong or fast enough to work on cases like yours, and your whole body covered in purple, green, blue, and yellow circular marks that made you feel like a Polka-dot fabric.

"How long have I been here?" you grumbled and winced weakly not wanting to move your mouth too fast or wide, slowly picking up the cup.

Your nurse opened the curtains with her wand, swishing it across the room, rearranging your Quibbler magazines, Daily Prophet Newspapers and 'Get Well Soon' cards which you couldn't yet read - you were too scared to find out who did and didn't make it.

"We've talked about this Y/N-"

"Just tell me!" you shrieked, cracking open the wound on your face, jolting, causing shockwaves to pulse through your body.

Your nurse swallowed hard and sat down on the bed next to you, gently cleaning the trickling blood and scabs from your cheek with a damp cloth.

"Three months," she sighed.

Your heart dropped. Three months. Three months without hearing your parents voices, Fred's voice, your little sisters-

"How long will I be here for-"

Before she could answer, a knock at the door interrupted you.

Your eye followed your nurse as she stood up, opening it narrowly and slipping out, before slipping back in.

"You've got a visitor," she smiled for the first time since you got here.

Moving out of the way, Fred walked in, stopping in his tracks at the sight of you.

Fred looked different, his eyes were lifeless and were sheltered by deep dark circles, his face was more gaunt, his hands covered in scars - possibly from deep grazes and cuts from the same explosion.

Fred didn't know what to say, the sight of you broke his heart - you were injured beyond repair - you were so badly injured and left disfigured because of him not being brave enough to step in front and take charge.

The nurse left the room, closing the door behind her, your hospital room so quiet you could hear each other's hearts pumping.

"Freddie-"

Fred walked over and sat on your right-hand side, wanting nothing more than to pull you into a tight embrace, to smell your hair, to feel your skin against his - but being too scared to cause you more pain than he already has.

"I'm so sorry," he croaked, holding your hand "Look what I've done to you."

You shook your head "It's not your fault, Freddie." you said softly "The death eaters, they-"

Fred started to cry and shake, completely coming undone "I was too scared, I allowed you to step in front, you took the blow for me-"

"Fred, please, slow down," your eye started to well up with tears, your face hurting, the lump forming and settling in your throat.

"George is dead because of me."

Your heart stopped.

George? George Weasley is dead?

"Fred! I need you to cover for me!" You yelled out, sending out more sparks to the death eater.

Fred couldn't focus, he didn't know where to look or what to do.

"Fred!" You yelled again, "George needs either you or me, please!"

The death eater closed in, holding out his wand and aiming towards George - before you could think of the next step, you pushed Fred behind you and sprinted towards George to try to protect him.

The blast, the force, the heat, the smoke, the wet blood, the darkness.

"You tried to save him, and all I did was stand there... and the wall..." Fred cried "George just... he... we thought you were dead too,"

"It isn't your fault," you cried "Please listen to me."

"Professor Lupin and his wife Tonks, they're gone, Ron's ex-girlfriend Lavender Brown, Colin Creevey, Professor Snape...  and your-" Fred paused shaking out of fear, he took hold of your hand, comforting you "your little sister."

You couldn't breathe - how could you after finding out so late? Taking one blow after the other. Losing your best friend, your mentor, the young boy you were fond of, the professor who despite being hard on others helped you, and worst of all, your innocent little sister who you pleaded not to go to war.

"I'm so sorry," Fred cried, his eyes bloodshot.

You nodded, tears streaming down your face "I'm sorry too."

The two of you cried whilst Fred told you everything, who else died and how, what his family and yours were going through, the funerals, everything but one.

Fred read the Quibbler magazines to you, stroking your hair and helping you drink down the potion, you could see out of the corner of your eye he was debating his thoughts.

"What is it?" you asked, chewing the inside of your lip nervously, preparing yourself for another blow.

Fred stayed quiet for a moment, pursing his lips before he finally looks you in the eye.

"After losing so much, it's made me realise that time is too short." he said sadly, still in deep thought before finally revealing “I’m in love with you, I can’t hide it anymore and I don’t want to.”

"Fred," you smiled softly "I've been thinking exactly the same thing."

taglist: @alwaysnforeverfangirl @horrorxweasley @inglourious-imagines @sebby-staan @lucymfer @xmalfoyweasleyx @livvysnaps @supermassiveblackhope @youralternantpersonality @snivellouss @potters-heart @onlyfreds

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 16th, 2021

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing But The Best

Author Notes: once again I apologize for how long this took to update. Schedule is still hectic and will remain so for the following month or so. But fear not. I shall continue to update at least once a week. Once again reblogs and comments are appreciated!

XVI

Our ability to survive depends on our skill to change and adapt. Everything in life is about transformation.

The drastic changes in your life seemed like a never ending avalanche of heart break and tough decisions… once again, transformation.

Your own choices placed you exactly where you were at, there was no one else to blame but yourself.

Satoru chose to remain in New York for another two weeks during which he had invested himself into re-discovering you (in his mind you never stopped being his. In the sanctuary of his thoughts you are always referred to as his wife, his one and only Mrs. Y/N Gojo. The woman of his life and owner of his heart).

Satoru tried a gentle approach with you. Not wanting to push you too far not to leave you alone all together. Using all his knowledge of your personality and preferences he slowly inserted himself in your life once again.

At 5:30am sharp he would meet you at the entrance of your building wearing his training clothes, he wanted to show you he supported you and your career. He would go for a run with you around the park. This, of course evoked memories of when you both first started dating and Satoru would show up to workout with you or take you out to dinner after training.

You got to know he had been working harder to help Yuuji control the curse inside him but it was a hard endeavor. He didn’t have to specifically verbalize it for you to know it was a loosing battle and he felt responsible for it but he was trying his best to find a way to help the boy. You missed the kids, they were like family. So you made sure to ask Satoru to tell them you missed them.

But despite your ex-husband’s best efforts you still wanted to be alone. You needed some clarity, the opportunity to sort out your feelings. Gojo wasn’t particularly thrilled with you pushing him away but he promised to you and himself that he would change and would do an effort to respect your wishes so he gave you your space.

But Satoru wasn’t stupid, he knew you missed Suguru and felt guilty for choosing your own husband (ex-husband) over your best friend.

And that’s why you kept pushing him away. Saying you needed time to think.

His time was running out, he had to return to Japan. At least for now, he had unavoidable responsibilities with his students as well as the rest of his missions. He went to your apartment the night before his flight and explained to you why he had to return but he also promised to come back to New York as soon as possible.

“It’s alright Satoru, I understand… I’m gonna be just fine” you reassured the sorcerer who didn’t look convinced at all about leaving you alone. “Please, at least answer my calls and messages. I’m gonna be worried sick if you don’t” you nodded and then he hugged you tightly, inhaling your intoxicating aroma as if he wanted to commit it to memory. His lips soon found yours and before either of you knew it you were in your bed ripping off each other’s clothes so you could express with your bodies how much exactly you would miss one another.

He had taken you for granted once, he would never make that same mistake.

-

-1 Week Later-

It had been three weeks since you last saw Suguru, he wouldn’t answer your calls, texts nor your emails. You didn’t even know if he was still in New York for that matter. Not knowing was slowly killing you, consumed by guilt you knew you deserved this treatment.

And yet, you wanted to find him and explain… try to make it up to him somehow. He didn’t deserve the pain you had inflicted upon him.

-

From: Kitten 🐱

To: Sugu

I need to talk to you, please give me a chance to explain. I don’t want to lose you Suguru. I know it’s selfish on my behalf but I can’t let you walk away without explaining. Please Suguru.

I miss you.

-

Another message sent, he wouldn’t answer your texts. At least he didn’t block your phone number. (Not yet, supplied your tortured mind)

The whole reason why you held back from actually having sex with Suguru although you both had wanted that very much during the last 6 months was because you wanted to give Geto everything. Not only half of you. He deserved someone who would chose him completely. At least that’s what you knew was right.

You didn’t want to toy with his emotions. Then again Satoru’s sporadic presence in your life didn’t help at all. Everytime he showed up you were back to the beginning.

There was no other way to explain this other than saying…you could never resist him.

-

It was a Monday evening, you just got home after your training at the academy. Sitting on the couch eating some salad when the doorbell rang. You were not expecting anyone. And most importantly someone who didn’t need to be announced by the guard downstairs. There were only two people who could show up at your door in such fashion.

When you opened the door the first thing you saw was a broad torso covered in a very familiar black fitted t-shirt. Long black hair framing a handsome face and those beautiful amber pools looking at you. Without hesitation you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Suguru responded to your embrace by surrounding your firmly in his arms lifting you a few inches from the floor.

His sweet lavender and sage scent welcomed your senses once more. It wasn’t until he dried the tears from your cheeks that you realized you had been crying.

“Yo..you are here… Suguru! I am so sorry! I-“ he stopped you by placing his right index finger upon your lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I am here because I have to tell you something important. Come Kitten, let us sit” he took your hand and guided you to the couch where as soon as you both sat next to one another you threw yourself into his arms once more making the raven haired sorcerer chuckle “I missed you too Kitten” he whispers against your h/c tresses.

“Listen…. I was angry… I was mad at you because I thought you would choose me and instead chose Satoru. But these past weeks without you, I have been a wreck to say the least and then I realized… I have always known you loved Satoru from the beginning and that never bothered me before.” Sighing he made a small pause before continuing “Granted… I do resent him for hurting you but I never expected you to completely loose your feelings for him.“ you were about to explain to him that you were trying to sort those feelings out but he interrupted you with a little kiss on your lips “let me finish Kitten” a tender smile spread across his lips making you blush again.

“I realized that I don’t want to renounce to you, I don’t want to give you up. Because there simply is no other person who I want to be with. No one can replace you. And you don’t have to choose between Satoru and me…. At least on my behalf I am ok with sharing you with him. I don’t want to lose you and I don’t want to put you in a position that only will hurt your heart.” Stroking your cheek softly Suguru leaned in and kissed your lips once more, just this time the exchange was sweeter and lasted longer. His tongue teased the entrance to your mouth before fully delving in to revel in your warmth and sweetness. Pulling back and looking into your eyes Geto assured you “I love you… and I want you to be happy. I am not going to make you choose because I don’t want to lose you Y/N”.

To say you were shocked to the core and touched beyond words was an understatement “Suguru… I don’t know what to say…” you start but Geto chuckled

“You don’t have to give me an answer right away.. I und—-“

You cut him by crushing your lips against his, kissing him throughly. Your legs straddled his waist immediately so you could feel his strong and warm body against yours. Was this man even real? I mean… Suguru Geto was a remarkable person but at this point you started questioning your own sanity. Did you make this man up in your imagination? Because you have never met someone sweeter, nor kinder nor more loving than him. And this was without counting all his very alluring physical attributes.

By the time you pulled back you were out of breath and so was he.

Now, the thing was… is this what you wanted? Did you want them both? Wasn’t it too greedy to have them both as lovers?

There was also the possibility Satoru would flat out reject the idea but… you didn’t want to choose between them. You…. Loved them both.

Before you could speak once more you ‘felt’ someone behind you stroking your back.

Almost jumping out of your skin you turned around to find Satoru in his usual jujutsu high uniform sans blindfold.

“You’re late…” Suguru comments as if he had been expecting his best friend to teleport right then.

“I know… Yaga was being a pain in the ass as per usual” added Satoru with a grin before taking a sit next to Suguru with the biggest shit eating grin you could imagine.

“So? Did she agree?” Questioned smirking and moving his hand to stroke your hair away from your neck while you still sat on Suguru’s lap.

“I am not sure… I think we broke her…” added Geto amusedly before chuckling and kissing your cheek.

“I know how to fix that!” Excitedly announced the white haired man. Cupping your face between his hands he pulled you in to kiss you deeply. His tongue voraciously licking the inside of your mouth and enticing you to kiss him back.

This was surreal…. Were you dreaming? You had to be dreaming or maybe you hit your head and now we’re in a coma. Yeah… you have to be hallucinating this.

When Satoru pulled back he laughed “Princess… don’t look so surprised… you must have known this would have happened sooner or later… Sug and I would never give you up and we know you wouldn’t pick one over the other either… and well, we didn’t want to give you the chance to pick neither…” they knew exactly how you were. Even before you knew it yourself. They just knew you would bolt and choose no one if that meant not hurting the other so they had to figure out a solution where all of you were happy.

Tags: @sleepyamaya

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[dreamersdreamloud]

Coming Home To You (Part 2)

AN: Kara is not Supergirl. She’s human and a reporter :) 

Many of you have requested a part two so here you go! This is part of a book that I’m working on so enjoy this sneak peek 

“This was a mistake.” Lena paces around inside her penthouse. 

Kara stands awkwardly in the middle of Lena’s living room. She watches her lover in distress, her mind running into a million thoughts. What would Alex say when she finds out? What would Eliza think of her when she finds out? 

She betrayed her oldest sister. It looks bad but most importantly she feels terrible. Kara let her temptations get the best of her. She shouldn’t have gotten so close to Lena when (Y/N) was away. She shouldn’t have comforted her most of the time when they heard the news that (Y/N) went missing during a mission. 

They shouldn’t have assumed that the person they care and love for was dead without any hard evidence. 

“Did you know?! Did you know that she was alive this whole time?!” Lena yells at the blonde Danvers. 

Kara was taken by surprise that Lena is yelling at her. She never yells at her. She never experienced her anger toward her. 

“What? No! Of course not!” Kara quickly replies. 

“How could you not know?! You literally write about international news, war stories, political topics, Kara!” 

“I’m just a reporter, Lena! I’m not a damn government spy! When I heard about my sister going missing. . . I tried to find leads, Lena! I TRIED! Nothing came out. No trace. No witnesses. No clues of what happened to my sister and her team!” 

Lena shakes her head in silence. Her tears were starting to form again. The young CEO thinks about the decisions she has made that have come to this very moment. She shouldn’t have accepted the youngest Danvers’ help and comfort when (Y/N) wasn’t around. She was a fool for falling for Kara’s touch and caring words. 

She tragically replaced (Y/N)’s kisses with Kara’s. 

“I need to find her. . . I need to find (Y/N).” Lena frantically says. “I just need to explain to her that this was a mistake. None of this was serious.” 

Kara looks into the floor and shakes her head in disapproval. 

“Lena . . .” 

“I’m sure she’ll understand. She has always been reasonable, right? God where could she be. A local bar! I just need to look up the local bars. She can’t be far. I-” 

“LENA!” Kara interrupted. 

The raven haired stops rambling and looks at Kara with frustration. 

“WHAT KARA?! I need to find your sister! I need to fix my relationship with her!” 

“What about us?” Kara questions her actions, her reasoning. 

Lena huffs out a laugh, “Us? There’s no us, Kara! This was a mistake. I MADE A MISTAKE. I love your sister, Kara. You know that!” 

It pains Kara to hear those words coming out of Lena’s mouth. Kara fell in love with Lena. In all truth, she fell in love with her while you were dating Lena. She kept it to herself. The youngest Danvers didn’t want to ruin the relationship you have with Lena. She thought that you being “dead” was an opportunity for her to have a chance being with the young CEO. 

Lena sobs, her knees falling to the ground. The stress and frustrations are getting to her. Kara didn’t hesitate to be by her side, comforting her the best she could without making the situation worse. Lena cries against Kara’s shoulder. 

“It’s not ideal to go out and find my sister, Lena. We should probably wait until tomorrow. Let her cool off. I’ll find her first thing in the morning and make this right.” 

“Okay.” Lena mumbles. 

**** 

It’s been three whole days that you haven’t stepped out of your hotel room. You have cried endlessly. Scream multiple times. You even broke a couple of items in the room. You drank until you blackout and woke up repeating the same thing you did yesterday. 

You have decided that you need to put your hurt feelings aside. You need to reunite with your family and friends. You mentally think about how you’re going to pretend that you didn’t see Kara and Lena a few days ago. You will keep your distance. You will maintain your cover. 

Your captain has already arranged your new deployment. You will be leaving at the end of the month and have a new assignment to take over. Your plan is to just get away from here. 

You've been in the bathroom for a while. Looking at yourself in the mirror. It’s obvious that it looks like you have gotten no sleep. You can just pass it off and just say that your military position doesn't give you enough sleep

You fix the imperfections of your new set of uniform before heading out. You take a deep breath and hope that no one catches you acting differently. 

*** 

Location: Lena’s Office 

“I can’t find her, Lena.” Kara desperately says. 

Lena looks out to the window, standing straight as possible. She was keeping her distance from the youngest Danvers. She can’t trust herself being near the reporter. 

“HOPE can’t find her too. The face recognition hasn’t picked up her face anywhere. . .” 

Kara’s phone rings out loud. The reporter sighs because it’s her sister, Alex. She hasn’t talked to her since you confronted your youngest sister. Kara hopes that Alex hasn’t found out, she can’t bear to handle Alex’s lecture and disappointment. 

Kara answers the call and puts it on speaker for Lena to hear as well. 

Kara: “Hello?” 

Alex: “Kara! Where are you?!” She said cheerfully. 

Kara: “I’m following a lead for my article. Why what’s up?” 

Alex: “(Y/N) is back! She’s alive, Kara! She’s alive!” 

Kara fumbles her words, not knowing how to react or say. She didn’t want to ruin her sister’s excitement. 

Alex: “Get over here at the DEO. J’onn have already picked up Eliza. They’re on their way back here. Bring Lena!” 

The call ended without Kara saying another word. Alex was too happy and excited to see you again. She’s happy that she gets to see you “first.” 

*** 

*A few hours earlier*

You didn’t head straight to the DEO to surprise your sister, Alex. You made a quick stop despite the situation you were in. The Uber car pulls up to the two story house that you were looking for. There’s physical changes to the house last time you came here. The grass was looking more green and the roses were more full. By looking at the driveway, the two people you wanted to see are still home. 

You rang the doorbell once and you can tell that someone is on their way to answer the door. You mentally ready yourself before they open the door. 

A woman gasped as they answered the door and saw you standing firmly in the middle. 

“(Y/N)?” Eve can’t believe her eyes. 

“Eve, who’s at the door?” Lex calls out in the background. 

Eve was speechless that she couldn’t answer her husband. Lex was a tad worried that Eve wasn’t answering him right away. The man makes her way to the door and gives the same shocking reaction as his wife. 

“(Y/N)! You bastard! You’re alive!” He shouts with joy. 

You smiled at both of them. You step in to give Eve a hug and then give Lex the same affection. Immediately, Lex can tell that there’s something wrong. He just knows. The man has always been like a brother to you and he feels the same way too. 

The married couple lead you to the living room to have a more comfortable environment to catch up. They didn’t have to worry about being late to their work since they’re technically the bosses of their own department at L-Corp. Eve comes in with some tea and mini sandwiches for everyone. The three made small talk, giving them the truth about what really happened in the months you were missing. 

Lex and Eve felt sorry for you how much pain and recovery you have to go through alone after that accident happened. You assure them that it wasn’t a big deal and that you’re very happy to live another day. 

After the good catch up, Lex thought it was time to find out what was bothering you. 

“(Y/N). . Why exactly are you here? Aren’t you supposed to see your sisters first? Or perhaps Lena?” 

You looked to the side, took a deep breath and sighed loudly. Your mind goes back to Lena. 

“Did you know?” You vaguely ask your ex-girlfriend’s brother. 

“Know what?” Lex replies, Eve looks equally confused. This confirms that no one knows, especially your mother and Alex. 

“About Kara and Lena. . .” Lex thinks for a moment before he replies. 

“All I know is that they’re close. When you were away, Kara had been keeping Lena company.” 

You nodded. He’s telling the truth. Small anger was inside you but you’re mad at Lex. You start to get mad at yourself for not being around much. 

“I caught them. . . I found your sister with my sister. It was clear that the love bites and the flushed redden cheeks on Lena were from Kara. . .” 

Lex suddenly feels stupid for not seeing this. He thinks about how he didn’t see the little hints that his sister was having a lover, becoming a cheater. Eve looks at you with sad eyes, she gets up and wraps you in a hug. 

“(Y/N) I don’t know what to say . . . I just - I really didn’t know. If only I have seen it sooner I would have prevented Lena from making those-” 

“Lex no.” You interrupted him. “Your sister is her own person. She can decide what she wants to do. You couldn’t have prevented her feelings for someone else. I’m not mad at you Lex. You’re always like a brother to me. You have helped me so much and I will continue to do the same. Despite the situation. This is between Lena and I.” 

Lex sucks in his lips and nods, “Did the two of you officially break up or talk about it?” 

“No. I left right when I found out. My heart is really fragile at the moment but I promise you like I promised to Lillian years ago that I will not harm Lena in any way. I have never physically abused her and I will not let this dictate my actions.” 

“You’re a good person, (Y/N). I’m sorry that it had to come out like this. I was desperately waiting for the two of you to get married someday. Getting the chance to call you my sister-in-law.”

You sadly laugh. You almost forgot about the ring that was attached to your military dog tags. You reveal your necklace to Lex and Eve. Eve was the first to react fast. 

“(Y/N)! That ring looks so beautiful!” Eve focused on the diamond on the ring. It wasn’t too small nor too big. It was the perfect size. 

“Damnit Lena.” Lex says under his breath while his wife talks to (Y/N) about the ring. “You better realize that you threw out the best Danvers sister. This one was going to marry you.” 

[levisgirll]

Oh can I request a scenario? I've read that some people headcanon Levi as person who isn't really into marriage. And that got me thinking about this. A scenario in where Levi and his s/o mutually break things off because she always wanted to be a wife and have a lovely wedding and to have her husband's last name and he didn't want any of that causing her to think there was no future with him . So they become distant friends and she does get married years later and he is invited. And it's bittersweet since he feels like he might have missed out on a future with her but seeing her so happy he's content with her living her dreams even if it wasn't with him.

I'm here for some bittersweet love ❣️

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

➧text: hello there!! oh my god this is such a unique request I got and I love your ideas in this request?! aHH WELL HERE WE GO! but oml- we do need some drama/angst and some bittersweet love with Levi and Y/N so I will happily write this request out for you (was lowkey wanting to do one) so I hope you enjoy this request and I hope its not that bad!! 😭 but once again, thank you so much for sending me your request and for supporting my blog 🥺��️❤️ I am so sorry this took a while as I got this request while I was starting my new job and it was hard to balance out my personal life and work life! but I am kind of getting the hang of it so feel free to send another request, I really do love your ideas! <3

synopsis: after a long time being in a relationship together, with Levi. Things start to slowly drift apart and shatter. Levi although, tries to keep it stable, but it has eventually been called and broken off by Y/N, as you were not able to handle the situation anymore, thinking there would be no future with Levi had made you upset and making you want to get out of the relationship. Y/N ends up finding the one, and marrying them. How does Levi react and feel? His one and only love taken away by a stranger leaves him devastated. What does Levi do? What does Levi say to Y/N.

angst, sad/happy love, modern au world, headcanon fanfic ♡ —

After the war, and everything they have been throughout the years, Y/N and Levi decided to move and live together outside Paradis and start a new life there.

It has been a year, and Levi and Y/N have been dating for rather a pretty long time. Things have been pretty good in their relationship, both were happy and living their lives.

Y/N has been thinking a lot lately about marriage though, and especially with her one and only, Levi. Y/N would get lost in her thoughts of how they would officially live together as a married couple, how she would finally be Levi’s wife instead of his girlfriend. She would also wonder and think how lovely and special their wedding would be, how Levi would propose to his girl, and for Y/N at long last have her husband’s last name, being called Mrs. Ackerman would get her all blushed up.

Levi noticed for a while how his girlfriend would zone out, thinking about something and he would wonder what it is that is making his girlfriend so happy and squeal. Y/N was on the coach, while hugging around the coach pillow so tightly and then giggle.

“What’s making you smile like a cute idiot?” He said with a small smile and ruffed his girlfriends hair as he sat beside her on the coach and Levi put his arm around her waist, bringing his lovely girlfriend closer to him.

Levi would not complain though, seeing his girlfriend in this mood, made him think of nothing else but her, and it made him so happy too. He just wanted to cuddle her up and smooch her whole face up as she laughs.

Y/N then wondered and though, ‘Maybe, maybe it’s the time now!’ Y/N then thought of brining and slipping in the topic of marriage into their conversation. 

She said turning her face around to face Levi’s handsome looking face and she said in a cheerful tone, “Welll, I was thinking about the future lately.” Levi then frowned, indicating with his expression that he was confused as to what his girlfriend meant by future.

“What do you mean love?” Levi was direct and straight-forward, he wanted to know what his lover meant by what she said. Was she going to leave him? Did she had other plans for the future? He was starting to overthink.

“Y-You know!” Y/N said all blushed up, and as she was about to get up, he held on her wrist. “Nope, you are not going till you tell me love.” Levi was determined to know, and that lead to Y/N sighing and finally speaking her thoughts. She started to then throw him a marriage hint at him.

“I just, want us to be more serious about our relationship.”

“And, that is?”

“Like...I was thinking, of how great of a family we would make. Along with one day if I will take your last name!” Y/N said all in a cheerful and shy tone, his girlfriend was clearly all happy and her smile doesn’t seem like it would go away on her pretty face. She then was excited to hear his response, about how instantly he would prepare marrying Y/N.

But...Levi picked it up right away what she meant, and stayed quiet. Y/N’s confidence and love towards Levi showed that you were ready for a married life with him, and having his last name, clearly indicated this was the kind of a serious relationship she meant.

Y/N took in with the way how he did not respond and thought of him being worried, “D-Don't worry! I am sure you will be a great Father, I mean you are such a great boyfriend to me and-”

But Levi got up and put both of his hands on her shoulder which made her jolt, this made Y/N have a sinking feeling in her stomach, something felt wrong, the mood and vibe wasn't right and she started to feel anxious. “I, don’t think I can.”

Now, she felt as if her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widen and she gasped and was now speechless. She couldn’t believe it, and now her whole expression, happy vibe and her cheerful mood she was at a while ago, disappeared dramatically.

“I’m not into.....marriage.” Levi finally spoke, not thinking straight of what he just said, and of how sudden this topic was. Levi said this as he did not want to make her feel distressed, in fact himself feeling distressed. But, he had no idea how those words, completely shattered the Y/N he knew that was once cheerful, lovely and happy, gone.

She wanted to be with the man she first loved in her life, ever since she met him, and be his wife. But, she was lost and confused, didn’t Levi want her by his side too?

“Levi, Is that what you really think?....Don't you want me too? I though I meant something to you.” All her spirit was now gone, she looked down and had a very sad expression, her eyes soon to tear up.

Levi again, was speechless, he did not know what to say to her for once. He was caught off guard. That’s cause, he never really talked about this topic with anyone actually, unlike other people who have close friends or families who may have talked about marriage, Levi did not and it was just Y/N in his life he trusted and shared many things to.

So, when this was brought up in the conversation, this caught him really off guard and he just...stayed quiet, not sure what to say.

But to Y/N, that was an answer to her already, and without giving Levi any more time or in fact, not wasting his time, she slightly pushed his arms off her shoulders and walked away from him, going to the bathroom.

Y/N took this as a way he never wants to marry her and that shattered and broke her heart.

After a couple of weeks, both Y/N and Levi’s relationship kept falling apart, and as Levi tried his best to keep the relationship stable. Y/N, could not keep up with it, with her overwhelming mixed feelings of shame and sadness. This lead to Y/N having her feelings hurt.

One day, Levi enters their shared flat after coming back from a grocery store. He decided to cook dinner for his girlfriend tonight and have a romantic dinner with her, he wanted her spirit back, her love back, and after some time thinking, sorting out his emotions, Levi then knew that he would be willing to do anything for her happiness.

But, as he entered the living room, he saw Y/N with a suitcase and her backpack.

“What...” Levi said with a gasp, and his eyes widen, he stood there being shocked. Surely he was misunderstanding the situation...right?

“I am leaving, I can’t do this anymore.”

Levi dropped the bags he was carrying, on the ground, and he felt his heart skipped a beat. Did he hear it right? Did she actually say that?

“No, No. No!” He approached his girlfriend and held on her shoulders.

“Babe, we can fix this. Please stay with me, You don’t need to leave...I-I can’t lose you too.” He started to tremble slightly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing!

“Stay with me, my love?” Levi then said once again, looking at her face who was now emotionless and she slightly pushed him away and that was the last time he ever saw her again.

Levi and his S/O mutually break things off because Y/N has always wanted to be Levi’s wife, having a lovely wedding and making a great family with him. But Levi didn’t seem to want any of that as he never spoke to her after that time and that caused his girlfriend, well now, ex-girlfriend, to thinking he didn’t want any of that and thinking there was no future after all with him.

Levi did not expect any of this, his ex leaving him after what he told her, and this leaves Levi all heart broken and being emotionally damaged. An emotional rejection from Y/N that damaged his mood and self-esteem. But, he still moved on and continued on with his life. He took most of the blame because he had to let her know sooner that, he would actually do anything for her happiness and love again, but he was apparently too late.

He would still be in their same shared flat, he cleaned it everyday and still kept two plates whenever he had breakfast or dinner, thinking one day he might see her. “She will come back to me...right?” He would mutter sometimes as he sat on the same coach they once shared and cuddled on, alone as the evening was approaching.

After what felt like forever, Levi was on his way to this well-known café that was mentioned by Hanji and he decided to check it out. But, to his surprise, he saw you, sitting inside the café, all alone drinking some tea. His heart fluttered, and his cheeks went red. Is it her?! Is it actually my Y/N?

After such a long time, he finally found her, and as soon as he wanted to approach Y/N, and thinking today is the day he will tell you how much an effect you had in his life and when you weren’t by his side, how he never realized that it took him long to figure it out that he would absolutely do anything to win you, your love and happiness back. He wanted to tell you all that, anything you wanted he was willing to give it to you now that he has finally found you. And explain to you also how, during the time you both lived together, he was actually trying to figure out with that time to make everything work out for you.

But, Levi stopped.

His heart sinking once again, that feeling he felt after such a long time.

He saw a guy, approaching you instead and....you were with him? Y/N’s face then brightened up, and she looked much happier, you smiled even more. Y/N got up from her seat and the man hugged her so tightly while caressing her back, and she was chuckling. And the man himself, seemed to be also deeply in love with you.

He then, noticed their rings, were they perhaps engaged, in their honeymoon, or perhaps they weren’t married and it was just matching rings...right? Levi wondered, begging that what he was thinking was true.

He then saw, his and Y/N’s old friends entering the café, and greeting both of them, one of them was Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie and Historia. He overhear how they were saying that they were such a happy couple and they loved and shipped them a lot. Happy for Y/N finding happiness once again. 

“I am out of time.” Levi muttered, now reality hitting him. He never had time to begin with, he knew ever since she left him. Time was lost and didn’t wait for him.

"What is this feeling?" it felt like as if someone clenched into his chest, his heart is being pulled out of his chest, his stomach having a sinking feeling. Now, he really did lose her.

But wait....maybe he has a chance? he decided to just wait, just maybe it was all a misunderstanding? Having that small hope, that everything was just an assumption, and jumping into conclusions.

After what felt like forever, he waited for them to get out of the café and approached them, to Y/N.

Her eyes widen, she couldn't believe she was seeing Levi after all these years. “Could I speak to Y/N alone, please?” Levi said sadly, and was looking at Y/N instead of the guy. 

The guy seemed to have read the mood and he let Y/N to talk to him in private, to sort out whatever was going on.

“How...have you been?” He finally said, after breaking the silence between them. Y/N nodded and looked back inside the café, “Do you wanna talk and perhaps, catch up?” Y/N uttered, and open the door to the café, she was still the friendly woman he loved and she still looked absolutely even more beautiful to his eyes, he just didn’t want this moment to end.

They then, started to catchup, how things were going for both of them, how they both were and then Levi asked if she was alright. Y/N finally told him that she has been engaged and she would be getting married soon, she let all their friends know about it and to be invited, and she said she would be happy if he would be able to come too, inviting him to her wedding. Levi was now having mixed of emotions, sad but also happy that she was not in a terrible state, and not sad after what has happened. She has picked herself up and lived her life, and finally her dream becoming true and a nice man who loved her, also wanting to marry her too.

They decided to be distant but in good-terms friends, and she was hoping that one day he could meet her fiancée properly. Levi just sat there, smiling. Smiling because he was actually happy to know that there was someone out there to love her, and not treat her bad, and give her what she wanted, which he could have done if he had done it earlier. But of course, it was Y/N, who wouldn’t love her?

He was actually happy for her, seeing her smile, and happy, and she had grown and matured to be such a beautiful woman. “You...will be such a great Mother.” He finally, said with a smile, and that warmed Y/N’s heart. Hearing that, especially from him, made her so happy and glad to hear that since she always wanted to be, but afraid she wouldn’t be. She looked down, at her teacup and tears were running down her cheeks, she was crying happy tears. Y/N never knew how his words would actually be heart warming for her, and he was ready to even support her anytime.

On the day, finally the wedding day, it was filled with love and laughter form everyone, and everyone congratulating them, all their friends crying and cheering for Y/N and the man she was gonna marry.

Levi of course came, and sat at the back, away from the crowd, and he was feeling heart-warmed seeing Y/N being happy once again and her smile and her sight was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, he found it breathtaking, capturing every moment.

“That....could have been us.” He uttered to himself and got up, leaving the wedding as it almost came to an end, he thought his presence wouldn’t really matter to him much now and he left the wedding. 

“Hm, where is Levi? I still haven’t thanked him properly.” Y/N said looking around, and her husband held on her hand and gave her a sweet smile, “Don't worry, I am sure we will see him soon. But he left this for you.” Her husband, handed to her a bag filled with gifts, and a card saying ‘Congratulations, Wishing you a long and happy marriage Y/N.’

After a long day, Levi finally got back home. When Levi goes back to his flat now, no longer calling it ‘our flat’, he still had Y/N’s stuff that she left behind and haven’t thrown them away or moved its position. Y/N really did have a big impact in his life.

He looked through their old memories, gifts she gave him, pictures they took together, letters she wrote for him that was all placed inside a box and he was taking them out one by one. Smiling at them, as how great of a person she was to him.

But, he did really just wanted to grab your hand one last time, say that he always loved you, kiss you one last time, and have you by his side in the flat one last time, looking at your sleepy face and waking up to see your lovely face and sight every morning. He missed it and those days would warm his heart, Y/N did made Levi feel so special before and he was grateful to even be her boyfriend for that period of time. She showed him and gave him love which he thought he would never get, but because of her, he did.

Levi really thought from now, he won’t be able to find that kind of love anymore that he had with Y/N. But, he was very thankful to even have it in the first place. Because to him, Y/N was his everything and he did still care for her. Levi felt convinced though when he met Y/N, it was her and the last relationship he will have and he would be proud to say that she was once his lover and girlfriend.

He stayed still, sitting on the coach and laying down, looking at the ceiling. Levi was smiling, but his eyes then started to tear up slowly. “I promised her that, whenever she is happy....I should be happy too. So why am I like this? Fuck, I am terrible.”

Levi deep down just wanted to know, and he thought to himself saying, ‘Does Y/N even remember our past relationship, Did I have an impact in her life? Did I mean something in her life? Did she forget all our memories and moments together?’

After questioning himself this, he then realized that...when he said to Y/N he was not into marriage. It was a lie. He was actually lowkey scared and in that moment, it was said out of fear. Fear of how he might not be a great father or husband and might fuck things up, and he wanted to be ready and prepared he was the man for you, the one and only for you. He then, whimpered silently to himself in the dark, letting out all of his bottled up emotions.

It’s their bittersweet love, and it’s bittersweet since whenever he thought of the past, it would involve a feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time. But, he finally was at peace now, after seeing you for such a long time, and now knowing you are doing well and great, being taking care of by a great man. He does feel like he has missed out that future Y/N was talking about before, but seeing her cheerful and joyful, he was now content with Y/N and satisfied with her living her dreams, even if it was not with him, he would still support her with all his heart.

okay I did not expect to make this fanfic so sad but a little heart warming at the same time??! I definitely did not tear up while writing this- ANYWAYS! This is my first time to write something like this so please, let me know what you think of this and I hope you somehow liked the bittersweet love between Levi and Y/N!

If you enjoyed and liked this hc fanfic, please let me know by leaving a like, reblog or a message! I love you all and thank you for the support <3

[madsdefencesquad]

Just highlighting a few rant/responses from kevison nation regarding my post and just the general storyline below coz I can't properly reply on the comments and also because these are gold responses <3 <3

@tinkeronpointe:

Ugh thank you!! People (ok just the crazies) think I’m nuts for thinking the script changed but it’s so obvious 🙄 Yes! Minus all the interviews everything was written for Kevin to finally get it! He was jealous right off the bat. Going back to the Manny & having twins on that show I really thought that would ignite something in him.

“You’re chasing the wrong blonde” & all he talked about was how much he hated E.. I mean 💀 Then he called him bc he was worried about Madison’s eating habits I just 😓 That moment alone when Kevin asked about them being in the bedroom I thought ok that’s it he’s going back to her.

I was so pissed at that convo with Randall after Kevin found out about the proposal. He was so close to letting it all out but he shut him down 🤦🏼‍♀️ I thought that was so rude. Poor Kevin was holding that all in for 6 months at that point. He was just about to let it all out & it got shut down. I was freaking convinced it was going to happen. Now I’m done. I’m so done

I’ve had a few people say I’m crazy bc I stopped watching the show but I just can’t anymore. It’s such a train wreak. I have 0 interest in watching Kevin’s ex fest. Madison was the one, he was at his best with her. It breaks my heart to know he’s still looking so sad years later

@kumbikum:

10000001%!!! Sophie and Kevin : Toxic relationship. I never understood the hold especially as most memories are in the past with child actors I never felt the hold of the adult Sophie and Kevin union. I waited for the gap where he cheated to be told as I wanted to see how they were as a married couple and see the great event that separated them. But no. They were their teenage selves and although married (eloped) they still came off as girlfriend and boyfriend abs not a serious married couple.

The peak of that relationship occurred when they were 10 or 6 or whatever age. Teenage Kevin never doted adored treated Sophie like she was his precious girlfriend . He was all about football and his knee sullen. Early 20 Kevin was all about his career . Sophie seemed like a hanger on. And as adults the relationship was less than half a season…? Pressed against the script writer and actress he suddenly remembered he had a wife from 15 years ago. Won her over in one episode and proceeded to dissemble the relationship from there. Drinking lying . It was appalling he slept with that high school friend of his. He was no good for or with Sophie. The rest is the not letting go - pooping up at her doorstep at her her moms funeral or her calling him . Come on people. Life is a one time experience . Don’t waste it.

Cassidy always treats Kevin like he is dumb or annoying or is in her own misery. She keeps him always at a distance emotionally. Has her own issues. What a step mom for the twins!

Zoe never cared about Kevin. She didn’t even want to reveal they weee seeing each other . Then she wanted things to stay the same. Then she didn’t want a family. It was always no at every port of connection. She left his life coldly and without ever looking back. She popped back on the scene to malign what life Kevin was trying to build. ‘ oh Madison .. really?’

Wedding singer I cannot . It is the worst writing ever. Like writing a great novel about your exploration of planet earth to end in mast Pages with hey , isn’t Venus the most wonderful planet. And introducing Venus right then . Poor

The whole dragging this story line out is so tired and poor writing makes a mockery of other worthy storyline’s and the rest of the cast

Madison and Kevin. Where do I begin. It is perfection that we meet her in season 1- the first episode of I’m not mistaken . The episode with her at the hospital was a great start - so much dramatic tension was created in that clash. Madison neediness trying to belong (her vice) meets with Kevin’s vice - drinking … and he is terrible to her - something well liked grown up Kevin tries to be is approved by others. Here is honesty of their beginning. I enjoyed Madison because she represented the Viewer. The outsider. And the one that gets picked last or never. It’s not always about the belle of the ball . It’s seeing that belle in yourself - learning to love yourself - growing into the best person you can be and inspiring people to meet you at that level . Never more gratifying to see these characters personal development than when together or inspired by what they created together . Kevin shaping up to be the best dad. Learning to care for someone else opening up taking things slow, uilding a future putting what matters to him first . That was amazing and not seen on TV - where show me such a beautiful love story .? Madison from the minute she is pregnant . I won’t ask anything of you .. the poise . The mother she grew into , facing her growing edges. It was all poised to be EPIC

So what do these event mean now - the Adirondacks chairs - the video Nicky filmed - Kevin jealousy of Elijah - the wistful look at Madison when he came back - the 2 seasons building this relationship And so much more… it’s such a shame

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[sunaswife]

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

A/N: I made some new friends who are fellow writers on discord and my heart I— 🥺 cookie if you’re reading this be the ryu to my saeko

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter five

“And the champions are MSBY Black Jackals! Y/N, was that an amazing game or what?!” Your co-commentator said as he turned to you. “That was probably one of the best games I’ve seen all season. I find it crazy that I managed to see the first game Ninja Shoyo and Tobio had against eachother in middle school and Tobio’s team won by a landslide but now watching them both after all this time? Wow it’s just amazing. The Jackals deserve this win.” You said and he nodded.

When the game ended you saw your kids run up to Bokuto and Atsumu and you mentally groaned as the sound tech tried to remove the headset and the wireless mic from your pants. You then sighed in relief when Hinata hugged them both and took them away. Jamie took a picture of Hinata and your kids because he wanted to post a before and after of when they looked like little potatoes.

You didn’t have a chance to go back to your kids or even congratulate Hinata. You were swiftly taken away by Kuroo and the rest of the team for a quick meeting. Your face turned bright red when they all praised you for doing an amazing job and how intriguing you made the match sound. You knew a lot of the monster generation due to nationals and training camps and your cousin and the people loved how you talked a little more about how much their favorite players have grown since you’ve been there to see it all.

When the meeting ended you texted Jamie to meet you in the hallway near the locker rooms. Tobio wasn’t answering your texts and you wanted to see if he wanted to come over to your home so you could all eat and watch a movie to end the first day of your new job. Tobio is probably upset about his loss but he acknowledged how much stronger Hinata has gotten so he probably shouldn’t be too beaten up about it.

The hallway was empty occasionally a few workers passed by. Kuroo wanted to speak with you after but he was held back by other responsibilities and he asked to call you and you nodded with a soft smile. So now you waited alone for Tobio, Jamie and your kids to make their way.

You heard a few foot steps so you turned to see familiar faces and If seeing Atsumu today wasn’t good enough imagine seeing his twin and your ex boyfriend?

It’s too soon.

You quickly turned your head and started walked to where the locker rooms were and the footsteps moved faster. “Kageyama wait!” Suna said, his voice was deeper and he pleaded so desperately. You close your eyes and stop walking. Their footsteps slowed and you turned around. Even in heels you were facing his chest. He certainly looks ever more fit in person then in pictures you managed to see on the internet. His hair was slightly shorter but he was handsome as ever. You slowly looked up to meet his fox like eyes and it felt like forever.

“Um...hi..how’s everything?” You asked awkwardly, “Everything is fine I guess. I went pro.” He said quietly and you smiled. His eyes softened, you looked so beautiful and mature. You now wore your hair down, in beautiful curls. You’re wearing heels, high heels. You also are wearing a little more makeup then what you used to wear in highschool but you still looked breathtakingly beautiful. He saw you doing your thing up there in the commentator stand and he was beyond proud how how far you’ve come and he hopes you’re just as proud of him.

“That’s wonderful, Suna.” You said softly and his heart clenched.

No.

Call me Rintarou, Rin, babe, anything but Suna.

“Hello, Kageyama. It’s been a long time.” Osamu spoke up and you turned to him. “It has, how’s everything?” You asked him. “Finally took the culinary path, I own a restaurant called Onigiri Miya.” He said. “That’s amazing. I’m so happy for both of you but I really need to go—“

“So soon? We were looking for you everywhere.” Suna said quickly, “Tsumu told us you were here.” Osamu said and you gritted your teeth. “Son of a bitch can’t keep his mouth shut.” You huffed. Their eyes widened, since when did you have a potty mouth?

“How long have you been a commentator?” Suna asked, “This was my first pro match. I used to be a ref for highschool, middle school and elementary teams.” You said and he nodded. You heard little footsteps at a fast pace and children’s laughter.

Holy shit.

This is not good.

Oh my god.

“I told you kids to stop running!” You heard Jamie and the two men turned to see Jamie chasing after those two brats from earlier. “Jamie?” Osamu said in disbelief. “Where’s mommy? She said she’ll be here. I wanna tell her that Rubens asked me to marry him.” Akira said and your eyes widened. Your daughter looked up and she screamed. “ITS MIYA ATSUMU!” She yelled, “I get to see you again!” She said as she ran. “Akira don’t run without me!” Rini yelled. Before your daughter could come tackle Osamu you quickly made your way between the two men and you scooped them both up in one swift motion. “How many times have I told you guys to not run in the halls?” You said with your back facing the two men.

The secret was out. You’re screwed. There is nothing you can do now. “A lot.” They said deafeated in unison. “And how many times have I told you to stop bulldozing people?” You asked. “A lot.” They replied robotically.

“Then why do you both keep misbehaving? When I’ve told you many times not to.” You said and set them down.

“Sorry, mommy.”

“Mommy?” Suna asked, your twins finally turned a bit to see who that mystery man was and they gasped.

“Yeah, I’m their mom.” You cleared your throat and you turned and straighten your posture.

“The cats out of the bag.” Atsumu said as he leaned against the wall. Since when has he been there?

“Oh—ok..” he said quietly. Now he knows he doesn’t have a chance anymore. Whoever you’re with is lucky to have you as a wife and the mother of their children. But he should have known, you’re a catch. Who wouldn’t want you as their wife?

“Mommy, is he our dad.” Rini spoke and you almost choked. Atsumu actually spit his water and Jamie and Osamu almost fainted.

Wait what?!

“The what?” Suna asked. “Rini no—“ you said quickly. “He’s not? But we look the same. And you have a photo of him in your box under your—“ “That’s enough.” You cut him off. You didn’t like using that tone with him or Akira but you don’t know how Suna is going to react.

“T-they’re mine?” Suna spoke up. “No—I mean yes—I mean. It’s complicated. Why don’t you give me your phone number and we can meet up privately and talk about it.” You said quickly. This was so embarrassing, and just awkward. Especially in front of everyone.

“It’s a simple question, Y/N. It’s either a yes or a no. Which is it so I can leave or I can get on the phone with my lawyer.” His whole demeanor changed and your kids hid behind your legs. His eyes narrowed at their actions. “Lawyer for what?” You asked. “Yes or no.” He ignored your question. Jamie took a step forward but Atsumu grabbed her shoulder to stop her and she quickly smacked it away.

“Yes, you’re their father.” You said and he sighed and rubbed his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He immediately asked. “I tried to.” You told him. “When?” He asked. “A week before I was due.” You replied. “Which was what..? In September? I got a new number. How could you act so stupid.” He said and you gasped. “Excuse me?” You immediately got defensive. “You’re calling me stupid?” You asked. “Yeah well you could have found other ways if you really tried!” He said, “The twins didn’t change their numbers, you knew my address. There was no excuse for you to not tell me.” He said and you scoffed. “Sorry for being depressed that my first boyfriend started dating me over a stupid bet and I was traumatized from dealing with a pregnancy all on my own. Sorry for caring more about you—“

“How were you caring about me? Huh? Tell me!” He said with a raised voice. In all honesty you raised your voice first. “Rintarou, were you willing to give up everything? Volleyball, college, happiness, to raise two children? Were you willing to sleep on the cold floor in a cramped studio apartment, wishing you had enough money to buy yourself a bed. But you needed to feed your kids and buy them clothes. Tell me rin, would you have done that?” You screamed. “Would you be willing to suffer and deal with strangers and family members telling you how stupid and how much of a whore you were for having children so young. I didn’t tell you so that I save you from that. So you could do this.” You motioned. “So you could go pro and live your dream. Believe me Suna I was going to tell you eventually. When I had a feeling you were ready.” You said.

“I did this for you.” Your voice cracked.

“Mommy we’re sorry. We don’t need a dad, let’s go home.” Rini spoke up and he pulled your pants leg. “When you cry it makes me cry mommy, please stop.” Akira’s voice shook. You reached down to rub their heads.

“Well, Rin. There you have it. There you all have it.” You said and glanced at the twins and at Tobio and Hinata who were peering over the wall. You pressed under your eyes to stop the tears. “If you want to be in their life, let me know. If not then don’t waste my time and ask me stupid questions. I did what I did for a reason, not because I was being petty.” You spoke up.

So what should he do?

He just stood there in complete shock. So you took that as your answer. “Well if you excuse me, it’s late and I need to get my kids in bed. They have school tomorrow.” You said and held their hands as you passed by Suna and Osamu, you didn’t dare look at Atsumu and Hinata and Kageyama’s heart broke when they saw the single tear fall down your face.

You didn’t look back, but your kids did. And they looked at their father with so much hurt and betrayal. They’re homeschooled, you as their mother and teacher get to decide what they learn. Normal kindergartners learn how to spell their names and read. But they’re already advanced, I mean you were the top student in your class. Made sense you’d turn your children into kid geniuses. They were already fluent in English as well, and they read a lot. Not because they have to but they genuinely like it. Akira can sit for hours and Rini did too but after a few pages he starts rambling and giving a book report about all the interesting things he read.

They’ve read books and seen shows and movies of a perfect family. A son, a daughter, a mother, a father, and a dog or cat.

That’s all they wanted.

They wanted a complete family. They want to see their father reach up to the highest shelf to help you grab some plates, and they wanted him to read them books, they even wanted to know if their father liked listening to old rock bands and watching anime like you and them.

They wanted to know if there was anything similar between their father and them other than appearance. But they would never know that. They finally saw Rin turn and he looked at those two kids, it’s honestly scary how similar they look to him. He took a step towards you, but before they could tell you, you turned the corner and they decided it was best to just drop it.

They didn’t need a dad anyways, right?

They’re doing just fine with a single mom.

They’re just feeling selfish, right?

But they don’t understand, they’re only five.

A/N: childhood trauma at its finest smh I’m in tears why tf do u still read this shit 😫😭

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @tpwkatsumu @ohshirabu @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar @sredamancy

[antiherocorner]

Huh... Alright, I'm doing... I think I'm doing it...

This is my very first fanfic ever... I'm still learning... This is a part 1 thing... I'm currently in the middle of a university exam period, so I couldn't finish the whole story yet, but I will as soon as I can, but I don't want to wait anymore... My English is okay-ish... It's not my native language, so there maybe some grammatical mistakes, I hope it's still readable... I tried my best... Just bear with me, I'll try to learn and improve... I'm very nervous...

Facts about the story: there is no age mentioning, Reader is around 25-26, I made Daniel younger in my head, 34-36 (single, no wife, no kids, let's respect the real Brühl family), Reader is female, I am Hungarian as well (possible Hungarian language in the future), I'm studying Russian (possible Russian language in the future), and I just started learning German, I used translater (sorry if I messed it up but, I really tried, please tell me if it's horrible), and one more thing... I have never met Daniel, nor I went to Berlin (yet, I really want to, and planning)... All of this are imagination, dreaming, and a little searching...

Warnings: none?... i think?... Apart from the horrible language uses and horrible jokes... Maybe swearing.

(Bad) Summary: a Hungarian girl goes to Berlin with a Russian friend of hers, as tourists. They always wanted to visit the city (not because Reader has a crush on the one and only Daniel Brühl, and wants to go to his tapas bar...of course). When the Reader goes back alone to the bar, Daniel is there too... The big meeting, adventures, fun, love, shitty romcom vibes ahead... (i hope the story is better than the summary...)

And now, after this awkward rambling, I present to you:

-----------------------------------

With Love from Berlin

Part 1

You couldn’t believe it. Finally, after months of preparation, you and your best friend were finally here, in the heart of Germany, Berlin. It was very different from what you were used to. Coming from a small city from Hungary, this was way bigger than your imagination. All kinds of people from different cultures merged into one. Museums, cafes, bars, restaurants, you didn’t even know where to begin. You took a deep breath in your hotel room. Your friend insisted on getting different rooms, in case she or you find someone to have a good time, if you know what I mean. Well, rather your friend, than you. You wanted to come here after many years, and you were finally here, so you want to experience as much of this city as you possibly could, you’re not gonna waste your time on a random (or more, glancing at your friend) man. 

You arrived at the hotel around 1.00pm, so you decided to go get some lunch somewhere close. You were a little bit tired of the long hours on the train. Just around a corner from where you were staying there was a tapas bar. Bar Raval. Your friend wasn’t really into movies that much, or actors in particular, but you knew that place, although you have never been there. You didn’t think about yourself as a “fangirl”, but you really admired the work of Daniel Brühl. You knew there was little to no chance that you could get even a tiny glance of him, but in over all: you would be happy just to say that you were in his bar. Your friend liked Spanish cuisine, so it didn’t take much to convince her to eat there. 

A Hungarian and a Russian woman walked into a Spanish restaurant in Germany, Berlin. Sounded comical. The place looked very friendly and funky. There were some people, not really a crowd. You decided to sit in the corner, with your back to the wall, so you can observe your surroundings. Your friend sits down opposite you. A waiter comes up to you:

- Willkommen! Was möchten Sie gerne? - he asked, looking between the two of you.

- Oh, sorry, we don’t really speak German. - you said with quite a thick Hungarian accent, because you got nervous due the potential language barrier.

- I see, It’s okay. We usually have all kinds of tourist here, so you’re good. What can I get for you two? - he asked with a welcoming smile.

You weren’t sure what you wanted to eat, you weren’t familiar with Spanish food at all, so you just trusted your friend to order something. She ordered something with pasta, and another thing with pasta. You had no idea what she just said. And some juice. She smiled at the waiter who scribbled down your order, and of he went. You looked around while you were waiting.

- It’s nice isn’t it?

- Yeah, it is. Quite bohemian. I would have guessed you would want to go to a traditional German restaurant. Why are we here? - smiled your friend knowingly.

- Well… You know…

- Is this the place of your man?

- What?! Shut up… - blushing - I just like his movies, that’s all… Anyway, I just liked the pictures of this place…

- ...and him…

- ...AND I wanted to check it out myself, ok?

- Ok-Ok...

You smiled at each other. You were best friends for years now, you could communicate without much of words. The waiter arrived with your plates. The food was good. In fact, more than good. In general, you prefer other cuisines, but you really liked this Spanish place. In Berlin. Odd, in the best way. After the lunch you went back to the hotel. Your friend wanted to go to a small club in the evening, so you decided to just chill throughout the afternoon. 

The traveling took the better of you, as you didn’t just not feel fresh after your nap, but you actually felt like shit. Your friend on the other hand really wanted to get going. So you assured her and yourself that it’s fine if you didn’t go to a club. She was a strong woman, and the club which she picked was just a couple of blocks away, so she decided, after she made sure that it is truly okay, to leave you behind in your room. You have never been a party-animal anyway, and you really just wanted to plan for tomorrow. There were so many things you wanted to watch in the city. After a few hours of planning and searching, you eventually fall asleep on the couch.

In the morning, luckily, you felt much better, more of yourself than in the previous afternoon. You took a shower, get dressed (purple converse, dark skinny jeans, blue tank-top and a blue/black checked shirt...nothing can go wrong dressing like this, you thought), grabbed your camo, ex-military little gym bag, locked your room’s door, and went to knock on your friend’s door. It took a few minutes, some groans, and other small noises, when she finally flung the door open. The sight was hideous.

- The hell happened to you? - you really tried not to laugh.

- Laugh, as you like… I had a good time. Drank more vodka that I could handle though…

- Are you alone or…?

- I am… Calm down, I didn’t get lied… Although I tried… But I didn’t!!! - she said quickly after she saw the frown on your face. - But I feel very shitty… My hangover is killing me, I didn’t give out anything yet… But I might throw up at any minute now…

- How can I help you? Stay with you? Bring you something from that little shop we saw yesterday?

- Some water would be nice… But I don’t want you to see me like this… And I will be fine, i’m just gonna rest today… You can go on on your sightseeing trip.

- Are you sure? I’m gladly staying with you…

- No, no! You wanted to come so badly, I don’t want to take a day away from you. I will be alright.

- You promise?

- I do. Please, just go. - she smiled at you.

- Alright. I’ll go grab you some water, and… I don’t know, go for a walk or something. Get breakfast.

- For the mentioning of food, your friend’s face went green and particularly jumped into her bathroom.

- I’m coming back in a minute or two! - you shouted after her, than closed her hotel room’s door.

You went down to get some water, some bread and some crackers which would be easy on her stomach, yet she still would be able to eat something throughout the day. You knocked on her door, which opened just slightly, an arm came out to take the bag from your hand, a small, weak “Спасибо” and just like that the door was closed again. You giggled to her door before you headed down to the street.

You honestly didn’t really want to explore many things without her, so you tried to keep your excitement low. You decided to go back to that bar where you ate your lunch yesterday. You liked it a lot, and it wasn’t a new place to discover, which meant that your friend wasn’t missing out on anything. You went to the bar. It was still early morning, not many people were there. A few old people, some of them are couples. The younger generation (yours) was probably still sleeping. Besides, the place was more like a lunch/dinner kind of place anyway. The waiter looked up and recognised you.

- Good morning! Alone this time?

- Good morning to you too! Yes, my friend had a wild party last night, and she is standing at the gates of Hell right now.

- That sounds bad. - he laughed.

- It is, she looked scary… - that made him chuckle.

- So what can i do for you today?

- I would like just a cappuccino, please.

- Alright, just sit down, I’m on it.

- Thank you!

You sat down at the exact place where you did yesterday, next to the window, with your back to the wall. You put down your bag, and looked around. With less people, the place looked cozier. You really did like it a lot. Eventually, your cappucino arrived. You thanked it, and tasted it. It was delicious. You were one of those people who liked to read next to a fresh coffee, and you always had a book around you. You took it out from your handy-dandy bag and started reading it, holding it a little up in your hands, leaned back on your chair. You were reading one of your favourite books (Pushkin - Anyegin), while sipping a good morning cappuccino, in a nice place. You just relaxed to the small sounds of the bar and sounds of the city, which infiltrated through the door and windows.

- Eine interessante Wahl von Buch am Morgen. Interessanter als eine Zeitung, das ist sicher...

No. Just...no. You were hallucinating. You felt like everything was frozen around you. From out of 2.8 millions of people (roughly), you would recognize this voice. His voice. You physically could not look up.

- Omm.. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand what you just said… - you said with the weakest voice and in the thickest accent ever, in your whole damn life. You hoped that if you make this man say another thing you fall back to reality.

- Oh, my bad - he giggled - I just said that it is an interesting choice of read in the morning, it sure is more interesting than a newspaper.

Shit, this was the reality. 

You dared to look up, and your eyes met the most chocolaty eyes ever on this whole planet, but at least in the whole of Berlin. The owner of those eyes was leaning on the chair opposite you.

- Hello. I’m the owner of this Bar, I’m Daniel. - he offered his hand to you.

- Hi, I kno...i mean I’m (Y/N), I’m the costumer…? - you finished with a questioning voice and all you wanted was for the ground to open, swallow you, and with that wipe you out of this universe. You shook his hand, without looking at him directly. His hands were warm and secure. After he released you, you closed your eyes, already feeling the burning sensation in your face. You heard a deep chuckle.

- Yeah, I guessed that. You’re not from Germany and you aren't British either, aren’t you?

You opened your (Y/E/C) eyes only to meet his curious ones.

- No, I’m not. I’m just a tourist here, I’m from Hungary.

- Oh, I’ve been there. It’s a lovely country. Would you mind if I sit down? - gesturing to the empty chair opposite from you.

- Yes… I mean no… - you took a deep breath - If you would like to you can sit with me. - This is just going great...

You earned another deep chuckle from the man in front of you, while he sat down.

- So… What are you doing here alone, in Berlin?

- I’m not alone.

- Oh… Anniversary? - for a moment you thought you saw something in his eyes. Sadness?

- Not that either. I don’t have anyone to celebrate such things. I came here with my friend, but she got wasted last night, and probably at the moment she is agonizing in her bathroom above the toilet.

- Hm… that’s not nice. - curiosity was coming back to his face.

The two of you stayed in silence. It wasn’t really uncomfortable, you were just terribly shy, and couldn’t stop blushing. You even tried to hide some of your face by leaning on one of your palms, and sipping your coffee.

This is aweful. Daniel f*ing Brühl is sitting opposite me, and I can’t even look at him. He must be thinking I’m one of those fangirls who just can’t keep it together before their idols. Which is true, but he shouldn’t have to know that…

But he wasn’t thinking that. Quite the opposite actually. You were so out of place in his bar, he had to approach you. There was something in you which made him intrigued. While you were trying to hide, which he found a little bit cute and entertaining, he tried to study you as well. There was something in you. He felt like he wanted to know your story.

- So what’s the plan for today?

...........