#but wq should get to beat him up a bit

[llycaons]

She turns then, hands curling into fists in the edges of the robe. She knows she is no brawler, couldn’t last any time at all against Hanguang-jun — but she doesn’t care. All at once, she wants a fight. She wants to hit him, rip that stupid ink-black hair, bite him and see if that jade skin can bleed. She wants to make him swallow down those selfish, shallow words.

YESSSS!!!!!!!!!! KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twistedmusings]

Fluff 35 with floyd? A little spice would do 😳👉👈Thank you!

A/N: I just can’t get you out of my head, boy you are the only thing I think about. I just can’t get you out of my head--despite the fact that this is a literal eel. But the heart wants what it wants, I guess. The writer would also like to apologize if this is far too much spice q wq 

Warnings: Fingering, dirty talk (very mild) and Floyd realizing that human idioms are stupid. 

Floyd Leech

Floyd hated human idioms. 

Azul said that an idiom is...well he can’t remember but it was something humans used to express emotions sometimes. Things like ‘don’t beat around the bush’ or ‘don’t rain on my parade’. Those sorts of things Floyd couldn’t understand but he knew he didn’t need to understand them to get through human life. 

One idiom was confusing him, though. 

“I just need to get you out of my head...” 

He repeated the words, letting them cut through the silence in his room. 

First, he knew he wasn’t in Shrimpy’s head. He wouldn’t be able to fit! The entire phrase was silly. Second, after you had explained it, why would you want him out in the first place? You mentioned that it was when you thought about someone so much that they were just constantly filling your thoughts, so why couldn’t Floyd remain that person? 

He liked that you always thought about him. That meant that you would want to see him all the time. Which worked perfectly for him, he wanted to see you just as much. 

Yet you had gone on and told him that if you could just get one night with him you wouldn’t have this sort of feelings anymore. 

Floyd frowns as he turns around to look at your back, little scratches on your shoulders that spoke of him roughly grabbing them only so he could get you closer to him...closer than you two had already been under the sheets. 

The proposal sounded fun and Floyd would attest that what you two just did was the most fun he’d ever had with this human body of his. He got to hear a bunch of new sounds from you and you had held onto him so tightly he was sure that he had marks on his back where your fingernails had scratched. 

Not like he minded, he loved them actually. 

But this counted as a night, right? One night? 

Did this mean that you were no longer thinking about him? 

His fingers travel across the sheets and towards your back, his nail pressing against the back of your neck before his fingers wrapped around it. 

Floyd didn’t like that one bit. 

“Shrimpy.” 

No answer. How quickly you had fallen asleep after that, moving closest to the edge of the bed and wrapping the blankets around you as tightly as possible. Were you trying to get away from him? 

He rubs his thumb against the side of your neck, grinning at the shiver he could feel under your skin. 

“I’m probably cold, Shrimpy. You are so far away from me…” 

His hand pulls away from your neck so that two arms could wrap themselves around you, bunching up the sheets in his bed as he brought you closer to him. Floyd hums a small tune as he lets his hands dip under the thin sheets, letting out a small laugh as your body shivered from the cold of his hands. 

You were still so warm...so warm and sticky...from your previous activities. 

“Hehe...maybe I should lick all of you, Shrimpy...isn’t that what some humans do to show possession? By licking?” 

Large hands, much much larger than your own, travel up your chest and massage what he finds there, letting his hands mold into it as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. You were starting to squirm so much and he was only doing so little~ 

Couldn’t get him out of your head, what did that even mean? 

Floyd didn’t really care, he was just annoyed you wanted him out in the first place. You had said that this one night would probably set you straight and let you be on your way but maybe he didn’t want that to happen? 

“Mmmm...wake up already. Am I out of your head, Shrimpy? I hope I’m not…” 

He leans down to lick and nip at your shoulder, his tongue getting sloppy once he tastes himself on your skin. 

If anyone else would taste it, they would know he got here first. 

The eelman frowns at the thought as he finally digs his teeth in, barely breaking skin but absolutely leaving behind an angry red mark of possession. 

“If it was for me...I couldn’t just get you out of my head.” his hands go down your stomach, voice barely above a whisper as he nipped at your ear, “I would want you there for a long time. A really really long time, Shrimpy.” 

He smiles, “Almost for eternity~” 

Floyd lets out a small triumphant sound as he manages to flip you over entirely, your back now resting on the mattress as your eyes slowly start to flutter awake. “...Floy--” 

You gasp and reach down to grasp at his arm, the eel-man laughing in his usual way as he looked down to see that he had managed to slip one finger inside you. The look of surprise you were giving him was enough to wake him up entirely, licking his lips as he pushed and prodded to find the spot that would relax you a bit more. 

“You said you wanted to get me out of your head, right Shrimpy?” 

A pair of lips cover your own as Floyd dips his tongue inside, pushing it as far back as it could go as his other hand goes up to pin both of your wrists above your head. Pulling away, you pant as you take as many deep breaths as you could. 

“What--Floyd please--!” 

Your hips buck upwards as his finger finally pushes against the spot that had your teeth biting into your bottom lip to keep you from making a sound. 

“Too bad~ I don’t want to leave~” 

He slips another finger inside, his grip on your wrists tightening as he leaned down to press a kiss to your sex while his fingers were still deep inside. 

“So I’ll just shove myself up here again and again...until I’m deep inside...just in case you think you will ever get me out~” 

Floyd leans in close, hot breath fanning your ear as he spoke low only for you to hear. 

“So keep me in your head, Shrimpy, and I’ll make sure to keep you filled up with all of me~”

[obey-me-rot]

You Shouldn't Be This Cool

A/N: Something purely self indulgent to kickstart this Obey Me writing blog. The idea mostly belongs to @warm-meelk because of how they drew their MC playing bass and then sprinkled in the fact that Levi would be the pianist and I just kinda...went from there q wq. And I also play bass so...all the more reason to write this!

Warnings: Levi trying to justify some of his more weird actions while MC seems to not only know...but enjoy the attention.

Levi wasn’t a creep, he was passionate.

He was passionate about TSL, he was passionate about anime, he was passionate about his idol groups and he was even passionate about learning new skills in order to better evolve himself into an ultimate fan.

So what he did today was not because he was a creep!

It was because he was passionate.

“Can you play that for me again, Levi?”

The third born tucks his feet on his chair, sipping up the noodles of his second cup of ramen as he watches the video feed from this afternoon. He smiles as the camera zooms in on your fingers, each one plucking the string of your bass absentmindedly while you listen to the melody he had composed.

As a TSL fan, he was ‘in the know’ of most TSL fan events whether they were held in the Devildom or in the human world. If they were worth the trouble he would attend and if it seemed like it was just a repeat fan event for one he already attended then he would just get the merch from the safety and comfort of his room.

Yet a completely new fan event had popped up on his radar one day, an online one.

One that challenged each and every TSL fan to create a song dedicated to their favourite lord.

Levi doesn’t remember much after that announcement, all he remembers is knocking on your door at devil knows what hours of the morning and shoving the music sheets in your face while pleading for you to help him out.

Your musical talent wasn’t hidden in the House of Lamentation. While most of the brothers could boast about having pretty decent singing voices or being ‘okay’ at certain instruments, your ‘weapon’ of choice was perhaps the most random but also well fitted instrument for someone like you.

You played the bass.

If he wanted to get specific, you played the TCB1006 Ibanez electric bass. You had mentioned in passing when you and him had met up to start ‘jamming’ out and Levi had retained that fact along with his hundreds of other facts that had to do with your particular interests and likes.

Again, because he was passionate...about your friendship.

The camera zooms out to film both of you, a happy giggle taking him over as he saw just how chill you looked.

How unfair was it that out of all the instruments you could play, you had to play the one that just made you look even cooler?

You were laying in his tub while he sat on the very chair he was sitting on now, plucking strings seemingly at random but humming some bars and trying to fit them with his melody. Your feet were propped up on the edge and the soft brown color of the guitar meshed so well with the glowing blue lights of his room that he is so glad he picked this spot for his hidden camera because you looked ethereal.

“I still can’t believe you composed this. It’s pro-level.”

“H--Ha! Of course! This is nothing but a piece of cake for me! If it's about the Third Lord and Henry then I’m all over it!”

Eyes take in the way you sit up and position your bass higher, fingers having a better reach as you start to ‘slap’ the strings in order to create a more wavy and deeper sound.

“Okay...I think I got it. Can you play the melody from the beginning?”

Oh here it was.

Sitting up, Levi puts his cup noodle down and grabs the nearby music sheets, pen already in hand as his attention on you becomes laser focused.

The beat you play is, well, playful. It is a high contrast to his almost operatic piano melody and he could almost hear himself playing a bit slower as if wondering if you had even heard what he was playing

“Uh MC…?"

“Trust me.”

Levi bites his lip as he feels his heart skip a beat, not even having to look at the screen to see that he was blushing. His past self was so predictable…

Although wasn’t his present self all the more pathetic for reacting to your words a second time?

He’d rather not think about it too much.

Your purpose had come shining through the moment Levi started to really hear the notes you were playing. It was almost as if you were mimicking Henry’s character with the bass. Cool, collected and eager to learn more about the world he had been thrusted into, your bass managed to capture the curiosity of Henry’s while his piano clearly symbolized the shy but deadly Third Lord.

The bass would go high, the piano would go low but as the melody started to harmonize so did the way your playing did with his. It was if he was the Third Lord, shyly peeking at the way Henry interacted with the world around them…

Only to turn around and invite him to join along.

His eyes go up to the screen.

You looked so happy, your fingers plucking away as he continued playing along with you. Your eyes turn to look at him and he almost wants to punch his past self in the face for not looking back. The camera had been perfectly placed to capture the way you tilt your head as you stare at him, chuckling as he clearly gets far too into the music for his own good.

To miss such an exclusive UR moment from you, he should be ashamed of himself.

“Haha. Thank the devil I came up with this camera idea!”

Levi blinks as he looks around, coming face to face with his beloved Henry as the fish stares at him from his bowl.

“...don’t look at me like that, Henry…”

The fish blinks.

“I wasn’t doing it to be a creep! I just wanted to write down the notes MC played before I forgot them.”

Henry’s mouth opens and then closes.

“And see! I even missed such exclusive moments from them! Look!”

He pauses the video and turns the screen so his fish can take a better look.

“5:06. I even timestamped it. Right here, MC is smiling and looking at me so cutely that it would be almost a sin to not record it!”

His fingers tap a couple of keys as he goes back to another point of the video.

“3:58, they smile and do such a cool trick with their fingers that I didn’t even notice that they stick their tongue out whenever they get too into playing! Do you see that Henry?”

A couple more taps as he keeps the video playing, the goldfish swims close to the edge of the bowl.

“I missed so many great moments all because I was so lost in playing! And I just didn’t want to ask them if I could record them because then they might think I’m using the footage for some sort of weird purpose and I would never do something like that to them! My Henry is far too amazing for me to just watch them one time! I just wanted to make sure of the notes they were playing! This is all for passion--!”

“Levi?”

He stops talking as he looks back at the screen, Henry swimming away while Levi tuned into the video once again.

“Was that good? I don’t know why but having the bass go a bit higher as I mute the strings feels almost like--”

“Like a conversation! It’s like the instruments are talking!”

Okay maybe this camera idea wasn’t the greatest after all, that was such a stupid thing to say and if he could go back and just slap the words out of his very mouch, he would.

Yet once again, his MC showed just why they were at the top of their ‘favourites’ list.

“Yeah! Like a convo!”

The conversation dissolves into randomness as Levi sighs and looks down at his sheet music. He only got a few notes down. Devildom, what was the point of having perfect pitch if he didn’t use it all the time? He straightens his screen out as he grabs a pencil instead of a pen, knowing full well that if he wanted to get this done he would have to rely on listening to you play and not looking at the screen.

If he finished this quickly then he would be able to stare at yo--it...he would be able to stare at it the rest of the night.

He goes to rewind the video but stops when he notices the scenery has changed just a tiny bit. You were out of his bathtub and looking at his aquarium, tapping the wall twice as some of his other fishes came up to greet you.

They were already so accustomed to you that he was sure even Lotan would know who you were.

Your attention goes from his aquarium wall to his computer, looking at all of his figurines and other merch he proudly showed off. A few more steps to the right and you were looking at his bookshelf--

Only for your eyes to lock with his.

He rolls his chair back immediately, his heart dropping to his feet as you reach out to the camera and pluck it from its hiding place.

No. No no no nononononononono!

This was it. You were done with him. Levi didn’t have a lot of friends but he knew that this was probably a friendship ender. His pupils contract as he sees you look at the camera with a confused look, already guessing your thoughts before you could vocalize them.

This weirdo was filming me the entire time. And he was hiding the camera? Disgusting. I’ll make sure to never come by his place again. What an absolute creep.

“MC...I didn’t--”

His jaw clicks shut as small tears gather at the corners of his eyes, not yet falling down his cheeks as he sees you smile and wave at the camera.

What--?

“Levi. If you wanted to film you didn’t really have to hide it. I want something to remember this session too. Next time you can just ask~”

You wink and Levi can feel his heart going from the floor all the way to his throat.

“Oh and send me a text when you have the footage ready. We can watch it together.”

He lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding as you place the camera back before his voice rings out from the video, exclaiming about all the snacks he had brought. So that’s why he had found you standing up, and here he thought you were leaving…

Send you a text...the footage…?

His hands scramble to his phone as he quickly enters the passcode, blushing as he sees a new message from you.

“Mind if I come over again? I have a new bassline I want to show off.”

Levi puts the phone down slowly before getting up---

Only to immediately fall down, hands over his face as he curled up on the floor.

Of all the characters he thought he would be in a shoujo, the last one he thought he would end up as is the heroine.

Not that he was regretting it, this was perhaps the best outcome that had happened in his now not so miserable life.

[crossdressingdeath]

I think one of the reasons they changed the events surounding wwx death were mostly to do with Lwj character arc. His greatest regret in the show is not believing in wwx and only defending him with his full might after he’s dead. While in the novel he made that decision before his death and was completely absent from the events surounding wwx demise. Skipping wwx’s death works in the novel, but would feel anticlimactic in the show. Also NOBODY entered the burial mounds before Lwj. What I 1/2

Meant that the big thing in cql was that nobody saw Lwj stand up for Wwx before his death and thusly had no reason to stop from going to burial mounds. Besides wwx was barely standing when he left the mounds, it is entirely possible he missed a Yuan. 2/2

But... they did see him defending WWX... he was actively fighting people for WWX... If they missed that I have serious questions about the awareness of cultivators in general. ...Actually I have questions either way, why wasn’t he more severely punished for openly helping a so-called traitor to the sects right in front of the sects? ...Is that why he got whipped (sorry, hit with a paddle) 300 times instead of 33? Also, if WWX could barely stand (why could he barely stand, he wasn’t injured) then he would’ve been moving slowly and should definitely have noticed A-Yuan especially if the kid called out which, why wouldn’t he. Also why didn’t WQ and WN say A-Yuan was there and not being brought with them to die. Why did they bring all the Wen remnants when the whole point of them sacrificing themselves was to save their family? Why is LWJ’s greatest regret not believing in WWX and not defending him while he was alive when he did in fact do both those things? While we’re at it why did quite possibly the most bullshit strong character in the entire fucking story not... y’know... pull WWX up? Or use his flying sword and go catch him? This part of the show makes no fucking sense. Why, why couldn’t they keep it as “WWX kicks ass at Nightless City and has a bit of a mental break, LWJ gets him out of there and beats the shit out of the Lan elders who try to capture WWX, the sects besiege the Burial Mounds and WWX kills himself at some point during”? They could’ve kept him falling off a cliff and just made it so that no one with a flying sword who was willing to go after him was there!

[phoenixrisesoncemore]

MDZS/CQL RPG mechanics

I was inspired by this awesome post from @wangxian-patriarch with additions by @moonwaif. Go check it out! And assume all those clever details and mechanics mentioned there.

This would work SO WELL for a late 90s PS1-style RPG, where graphics were improving and storylines/character arcs were becoming crazy complex but it was still kind of the Wild West/anything goes/take all the risks you want. And the best games (IMO) are those that mix genres in an episodic fashion and MDZS/CQL totally fits the bill for that! CQL even does it, itself.

This got so long that I hated to clog up their post with a reblog. Bear with me here. Batshit crazy thoughts coming at a million miles per hour. In addition to all the above wonderful stuff: picture this structured like a 75%/25% split of MDZS/CQL (because I think the interspersed flashbacks work better for a game where you get to see your past choices affect the present in chunks) but with 75% of the character expansions from CQL. AKA, more Shijie, meet WQ and WN in Cloud Recesses, interact with them at the Wen Indoctrination. Your choices determine at what pace the relationship with LWJ proceeds (see below)? The POV is always WWX.

Intro/tutorial: Mo Manor. WWX is your main character, obv. The main present story arc is a mostly linear action/adventure RPG. Mo Manor is your tutorial/training ground where you’re introduced to the main game mechanics, learn a bit about the world via NPC interaction and MXY’s notes, and get handed the first mystery/what appears to be the main game goal: who did MXY want you to get revenge on? Melodies keeps popping into WWX’s head. Begin mini game where you are introduced to the game’s musical mechanics as WWX tries to remember melodies. Most are eerie and harsh, but there is one WWX finds “strangely soothing” even though he can’t remember where it is from. Remember these songs, especially that soothing one, because it’s going to be important soon! Introduction of basic sword-based cultivation battle mechanics via an impromptu party forming with the ducklings against the corpse arm (WWX can join in with talismans or something relatively innocuous for now). Eventually WWX goes secret solo battle using flute-less demonic cultivation battle mechanics. Can you remember how to play some of those tunes to summon fierce corpses? Then LWJ appears and it’s time for you to get the Hell out of Dodge before there are questions about what you just did. Cue short sequence of getting out of Mo Village before you’re caught. Begin Little Apple game mechanics.

Dafan Mountain Quest. First big mission. Gather info and piece together the mystery while avoiding too much attention from the Jiang sect cultivators or Game Over. Solve the mystery and begin the first boss fight alongside the ducklings! But talismans and whistling isn’t cutting it any longer. Flute-based demonic cultivation mechanics activate! Remember those songs WWX has had going through his head. You’re going to need all of them now. Game Over if Jin Ling is killed by the goddess! Also: surprise! the goddess can only be defeated by a finishing move which requires summoning a high level fierce corpse. Which song is it? Succeed and summon Wen Ning, but oh no! he’s in berserk mode. Hmmm, what about that soothing song? Better remember how to play it fast or Wen Ning will kill the other cultivators and Game Over.

FLASHBACK: Cloud Recesses. I need this to somehow incorporate and deconstruct the school dating sim genre. I don’t know how, but I need that. Sharing loquats and Emperor’s Smile and causing trouble will sure make you popular. The rooftop fight seems like a standard fighting setup. Is there a way to mix those two genres? A fighting mini game inside a dating sim? Because there needs to be! Is Biling Lake a mini action-platformer segment? Also agree: Jiang Cheng interaction and combo learning here—sneak out to explore the back hill and learn pair fighting dynamics. Use WWX’s original sword-based cultivation skills. Rabbit-catching mini game. Decide what colors you want to gift to increasingly grumpy Lan Zhan. Get to know Mianmian and she’ll be more active in helping you later. Befriend NHS and change dialog trees with him in present arc.

Present day Cloud Recesses: your home base. Sandbox. Your actions in the flashback effect the present day Cloud Recesses. Did you hide some Emperor’s smile somewhere 16 years ago? Home of rabbit-raising mini game and various troublemaking side quests. You get points for every Lan Clan rule you break (and how deeply you corrupt the ducklings). The challenge is in figuring out how to break them. Break enough rules and gain early access to the library’s restricted section where you can learn all kinds of new unorthodox cultivation techniques. Break all of them and get a super awesome power-up. Up to a certain point you can return here with LWJ on Bichen once he joins your party. Duckling night hunts are initiated here?

Lan WangJi Joins the Party. The main body of the game commences as you begin the quest to solve the Mo Manor mystery and figure out who MXY wanted you to get revenge on. Your choices/skill in the flashbacks as they occur will alter (somewhat) the events of this, the game’s main “spine.” Each town/city encountered on the road trip has its own aesthetic and NPC populace from which you have to collect clues and learn what your next moves should be. Lots of immersive qualities and learning about the current political/social situation. Fierce corpse and ghost fights along the way. Collect (offensively inaccurate) YLLZ and Sunshot memorabilia. Slowly grow your affinity with LWJ in battle and use the skills for pair fighting you learned with Jiang Cheng to build towards those awesome battle-couple combos. LWJ will remain in your party for the rest of the main game (excluding flashbacks) except for short bits like Yi City. You can play WWX’s dizi along the road for practice and to up your skill level. Depending on how often and in what circumstances you play Wangxian and how you interact with LWJ you’ll start to get different (but still evasive) answers if you ask him how he knew it was you. Remember to play Rest so NMJ’s pieces don’t get out of hand.

Because this is long: more below the cut

The Man-eating castle. Logic puzzle dungeon. Try to outclever NHS in dialog trees to get him to spill information.

Chang Manor. Mystery dungeon with final grave robber boss fight. Learn about the story of XXC, SL, and XY as you explore Chang manor, looking for clues as to what happened. Avoid traps set by XY.

Yi City. I mean: THE FOG. It’s Silent Hill. It’s Fatal Frame. It’s a survival horror dungeon. How long and involved should the Empathy section be? How does the gameplay change there?

Explore Jin Lin Tai. Stealth dungeon. Sneak around Jin Lin Tai as first “MXY” and later as Paperman WWX (AH! Sudden scale/mechanics change), gathering clues and looking for NMJ’s head. Empathy cutscenes.

Escape Jin Lin Tai. Action segment/beat em up. A place to really show off those growing battle-couple mechanics with LWJ.

FLASHBACK: Happy Times at Lotus Pier. The closest we’ve been to the light-hearted gameplay of the first Cloud Recesses flashback. WWX. JC, and JYL involved in shenanigans at Lotus Pier. Maybe we even get the Lotus Seed Pod Extra content of stealing lotuses from the old man. Get a chance to use those Jiang Cheng combos you learned in the CR flashback. Last chance to use those sword cultivation techniques. Nostalgia galore.

FLASHBACK (cont): Indoctrination/Xuanwu Cave. WWX/JC party using non-sword techniques. Eventually morphs into a WWX/LWJ party. This would be the first time chronologically that they would have fought together.

FLASHBACK (cont): Lotus Pier Attack and Escape. I totally agree with the above that this will ultimately work out to stealth escort missions as you work to get JC to safety with WN’s help.

FLASHBACK (cont): Thrown into Burial Mounds. This could be super expressionistic. Wandering through Burial Mounds trying to stay alive, but with crazy nightmare-like elements. Think of the way Eternal Darkness messed with player perceptions and even broke the 4th wall when it came to game mechanics. Maybe this even bleeds seamlessly into the supervisory office deaths and Wen Chao’s chase and death.

Return to Cloud Recesses. More areas to explore are unlocked. Dialog trees with LWJ. Feelings.

Journey to Burial Mounds. This is your chance to really grind and refine those battle couple combos. Side-quests? How far has word spread that the YLLZ is back? How will that effect the way you can or can’t interact with NPCs. I also like the idea of interspersing the flashbacks from Sunshot and up through the building of the Burial Mounds settlement in here, so as to have the player get to interact with and design the settlement in the past before the ruins of it are seen in the present.

FLASHBACK: Sunshot. mashup of beat em up/strategy tactics using demonic cultivation with chenqing and the tiger seal to clear a path for the army of cultivators. WWX is a party of one for this.

FLASHBACK (cont): Post Sunshot. More deconstructed social sim mechanics. Use chenqing to help JC bag prey on Phoenix Mountain. Social decision trees at that really uncomfortable conference scene. Qiongqi Path rescue of the Wen Refugees. The LWJ in the rain confrontation either does or does not happen (or happens somewhat differently) depending on how your relationship has progressed thus far in the past.

FLASHBACK (cont): Building Burial Mounds Settlement. Settlement/Survival Sim elements. Choose where and how to build and what to grow. Play with and protect a-Yuan. Work to revive WN. Make demonic cultivation tools. Whatever you make will still exist in future and can be gathered/used for the Second Siege battle. JC duel (ouch, there’s those moves you learned together being used against you). Play around in YiLing with LWJ and a-Yuan. Spend the day as a family. Feelings.

Arrive at Burial Mounds. Explore the ruins of the place you built. Feelings. Gather items. Release the Juniors. Fight with the Cultivators.

FLASHBACK: Death of JZX/Nightless City. Beat em up using Wen Ning at Qiongqi Path. At Nightless City this time you’re solo sending hordes towards the cultivators. Heart breaking solo battle against LWJ, as with JC, he now knows and can anticipate your moves based on your previous flashback interactions. HORRIBLE TRAGEDY AND MASSIVE DEATH.

Second Seige of Burial Mounds. Massive beat em up where you finally get to utilize the full extent of your battle-couple skills along with Wen Ning in a series of brawls to end all brawls, eventually the ducklings join your party for brawl wave 3. You know that really big battle that happens near the turning point of video games that’s inevitably the second or third biggest battle of the game (and sometimes more difficult than the actual final boss battles)? That’s this one.

Return to Lotus Pier. Here’s where you get memories of WWX’s first night at Lotus Pier and YanLi saving him from the tree are interspersed as you explore the heartbreakingly different present day Lotus Pier. As with the other locations that you experience in both past and present, some choices in the past effect the location in the present. FEELINGS.

YunPing City: Final major location. Explore and gather info. Prep for the final battle. Drunk LWJ mini game shenanigans. (Sexy time? I mean, Indigo Prophecy did it...) Stealth your way into Guanyin Temple.

Guanyin Temple Climax: Dialog trees with JGY determine how difficult he is to defeat here in battle. Final boss fight against NMJ’s fierce corpse: poignant party/combo with both JC and LWJ.

Denouement. Maybe the Sizhui revelation happens differently depending on how you interact with him throughout the game. Obv NOT getting the revelation is considered the BAD ending.

Ultimately, how the relationship between WWX and LWJ unfolds in CQL and MDZS is influenced by the plot structure (or at least is better served in each medium by how it makes use of the plot structure). The character of that relashionship journey is so different between the mediums, but each has wonderful aspects. How that plays out here is kind of up in the air without nailing more things down. Is it possible your actions could determine the timing and expression of the ship such that you end up with something more distinctly MDZS or something more distinctly CQL? (And by that I don’t mean one is overtly sexual and one isn’t, but rather whether the revelation of their feelings comes all at once near the end or rather more gradually, shifting in intensity and character as the plot goes along). That would be quite a thing to pull off without breaking the central narrative. I don’t even want to think about how complex that decision tree would be, but it could potentially be kind of amazing!

[trensu]

Episode 44: The One where Su She Gets Rekt

we’re outside of mianmian’s house and omg wwx's face is so cute when he recognizes mianmian. his little pleased grin makes me melt every time

also omg, i just realized that wwx is still wearing lwj’s white inner robes here???

you can see them where you usually see his (sinfully) red inner robes!!!!! 

which means as far as i’m concerned this ENTIRE EPISODE is a wangxiantic in and of itself lolol

mr. mianmian is like, why are you calling my daughter's name??

(i keep forgetting that mianmian's name isn't actually mianmian lol)

i'd be concerned too if some strange guy who was hiding behind our hay bale or whatever the heck that is, knew my kid's name...

wwx is so amused by this turn of events! he's like, awww, mianmian and little mianmian!

which was basically my response too

but ofc lwj is much more formal and does his little bow and addresses her as Lady Luo

wwx: now i know your true name!!

wait, did he really never learn it before?? or did he just forget? both are plausible, tbh

and here mianmian introduces her husband

wwx: may i ask what clan you're from?

mm: oh, he's not from any clan. he's a merchant!

bc mm knew getting tangled up with another clan was just not a good life decision, probs

and she's all he comes with me on night hunts tho and wwx is like, oh is that what you were doing?

little mm: we were looking for the yiling patriarch!

and wwx perks up and gets all playful bc WWX LOVES CHILDREN SO MUCH

wwx: oh, but i heard he eats children. aren't you afraid?

little mm gets all shy and stutter-y and it's ADORABLE

wwx is all like, oh she's so cute! she looks just like you when you were her age

and mm is all, don't you feel bad saying that?? how would you know what i looked like at that age???

we get a shot of lwj and he looks at ease and is simply taking joy in watching wwx interact with these people

same, lwj, same

wwx: how old is she? i'd like to give her some lucky money!

and ofc mr. and mrs. mianmian immediately try to stop him for politeness sake BUT LOL LWJ IS ALREADY REACHING INTO HIS SLEEVE TO GET MONEY FOR THE KID

wwx: don't be so humble. it's not my money anyway~

and he laughs bc he'S SHAMELESS

lwj just hands wwx his purse and lets him take whatever he wants from it. 

what a doting husband-to-be he is!

and then mm does that thing all parents do with small children "what do you say to hanguang jun and master wei?"

little mm: thank you, hanguang jun

SHE'S SO FREAKING CUTE

lwj must agree with me bc he SMILES. it's his little smile, the one that just barely curls up at the corner of his lips, but it's a sincere smile

he's probably remembering lsz when lsz was that age

he's probably thinking about how he wants more children, esp now that wwx is here to raise them with him

Give me all the Dadji fic!

wwx: little mm, i gave you the money. why don't you say thank you to me?

and he puts on this cute little pout but little mm just glares ADORABLY at him bc she SAW who's money it was and she's a clever girl lololol

lwj is amused by that exchange too, we get another one of his little smiles

now they're asking for info on anything unusual around but they get interrupted by some screaming!! mm was all ready to go attack, but lwj said they'd handle it

after they leave, mr. and mrs. mm have a little convo which i wouldn't bother mentioning except she ends it with a very sincere "master wei...is a good man"

BC WWX IS A GOOD MAN AND APPARENTLY SHE'S THE ONLY ONE SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT

turns out the screaming was wen ning!! being adorable!!

he's all covered in mud and grass, and had been trying to scare people off for Reasons

wwx starts cleaning his face 

I LOVE WHEN WWX DOES THAT

HE’S SO LOVING AND NURTURING

lwj watches this go down but there's no smile on his face like there was before with little mm even tho wwx being all sweet and nurturing is always cute

DON'T BE JEALOUS LWJ, DON'T BE THAT GUY

oh, wwx just noticed wn's injured hand and is like, what happened? and wn ofc says 'NOthing!!!" bc he doesn't want to worry wwx

lwj: it's blood.

wn: not blood1! well, it is but it's not human blood!!

he says this so nervously and flustered bc lwj is very intimidating actually 

Or at least I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side...

now we find out that wn has secretly been taking down puppets while following wwx and lwj around this whole time

bc wn is a good friend

then it gets kinda sad bc wwx is like, wn i told you to hide out somewhere! and wn is all, but where would i hide?

bc wn has nowhere and no one aside from wwx rn 😔

so wwx is like, okay, the three of us can travel together instead

Lol, lwj looks down at this and starts stalking off

lwj: lets go

i don't think he's happy to have a third wheel lololol

he wanted alone time with wwx!

WHAT DID I SAY, LWJ?? NO ONE LIKES A GREEN-EYED MONSTER.

now they're in town!

wwx: lan zhan, do you remember this town?

lwj: yes

BC LWJ REMEMBERS ALL OF HIS TIME WITH WWX

BC WWX IS HIS SOULMATE AND HE LOVES HIM

wwx is like, remember that time i said i'd treat you to a meal here?

they're in front of the teahouse in yiling and lwj is looking at it, like, FONDLY bc he DOES remember and it's probably one of his happiest memories tbh

wwx isn't looking at the teahouse, he's looking at lwj here and he gets this soft little smile on his face AND IT'S SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL 

ooh flashback to their first time in yiling together! And ~Their Song~ starts playing!!

it's a quick little flashback bc we're back in the present with wwx saying something about how he's embarrassed that lwj ended up paying that time or smth

at wwx's words, lwj turns around and just looks at him. 

Omg, how does he always pack in SO MUCH LOVE in the way he looks at wwx??

another quick flashback of them sharing a meal at the teahouse with cute little a-yuan darting around lwj with his toys

wwx: but that happened a long time ago

and lwj gives a stilted nod bc HE DOESN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT HOW LONG AGO THAT WAS AND THE FACT THAT WWX WAS GONE ALL THIS TIME

wwx turns and sees the toy stall and he SMILES

OH GOD HOW DOES THIS MAN HAVE SUCH BEAUTIFUL SMILES

but then he gets sad as he remembers a-yuan

wwx: if that boy were still alive, he would be a teenager now

Bc wwx still thinks all the wens died. He thinks little a-yuan was BRUTALLY MURDERED with the rest of his clan

MY POOR DARLING SUNSHINE BOY

then we get a bit of slo-mo as lwj turns to look at wwx, who's still lost in thought

AND HE DOESN'T MENTION THAT LSZ IS ALIVE AND WELL???

WHAT HECK LWJ

THAT WAS A PERFECT OPENING

ALL YOU HAD TO SAY WAS "YEAH, FUNNY STORY, HE'S ACTUALLY NOT DEAD. SURPRISE!! I RESCUED HIM AND RAISED HIM AS MY OWN SON AND GAVE HIM ALL THE LOVE I COULD POSSIBLY GIVE BC HE WAS YOUR SON AND ALL I HAD LEFT OF YOU AND HE SAVED MY LIFE AS MUCH AS I SAVED HIS"

DAMN IT, LWJ. USE YOUR WORDS!!

cut to somewhere outside the town and wn is beating up a whole bunch of puppets all by himself like a badass

oh, here's lwj with the assist! he guqin's the heck out of those puppets

he looks so cool doing that, omg

Also, i love how he whooshes away his instrument whenever he's done with it

we're at the burial mounds!!

which is looking just as bright and cheery as ever!!

meaning everything is gray and looks dead

wwx gets really sad, and he's remembering the voices of all the wens he failed

IT HURTS TO SEE HIM THIS MELANCHOLY

MY SUNSHINE BOY SHOULD ONLY EVER BE HAPPY AND SMILEY, DAMN IT 

wn snaps him out of it, thankfully

lwj explains how everything was destroyed during the siege back then

he doesn't mention at all how he defended this place until he physically couldn't anymore

wwx: it doesn't matter that this place was destroyed. for me, wq, and wn, it represents the hardest time in our lives. there's no need to return to this place

wwx says this all soberly and i just wanna wrap him up in blankets and hide him from the world

BC THE WORLD DOESN'T DESERVE MY PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY. 

LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO  HIM!!

THEY BROKE HIS HEART!!! THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE HIM ANYMORE.

lwj looks like he feels the same way, lol

wwx: wen ning, stop looking. let's go

wn: yes, young master. i just wanted to check if there's anything left

which was ANOTHER PERFECT OPENING for lwj to cut in and say "ACTUALLY, ABOUT THAT, a-yuan is totally alive and well, guys!!"

but nooooo, ofc lwj doesn't say anything bc god forbid he use his words every once in awhile

oh, evil puppets just appeared and started attacking 

But wn is like NOT TODAY SATAN and starts pummeling the lot of them

ooooh, and lwj does this thing here where he summons up a guqin string and, like, magically attaches it to a couple of trees 

Then wwx tells wn to watch out and wn does this cool backflip to join wwx as lwj TWIRLS forward to take wn's place

and then he magically plucks the guqin string which lets out this big blue blast of energy 

the whole move looks SO DAMN COOL

HE EVEN DOES LIKE, A FINISHING POSE LIKE ALL GOOD SUPERHEROES DO LOL

After, he whooshes away his string like nbd, just being effortlessly awesome like ALWAYS

now they're making their way to wwx's demon palace cave thing, and lwj stops to freaking MATERIALIZE suibian out of thin air and give it to wwx

it looks SO cool

lwj: for defense

wwx: thank you

wwx unsheathes it just enough so we can see the inscription on the blade before re-sheathing it and keeping it at his side

lwj gives him a Questioning Look and wwx gets a little awkward

wwx: ah, i haven't used a sword in so long, i'm not used to it

his eyes are all big and guileless and gorgeous

GOD HOW IS HE SO BEAUTIFUL

lwj is not as easily distracted as i am, apparently, and he very obviously is not buying with wwx is selling

wwx: fine, i'll tell you. it's bc this body of mine lacks spiritual power, so even the best sword can't show it's true power in my hand

lol, he raises up suibian when he says "the best sword"

i am so distracted by wwx's gorgeous cheekbones here, 

omg, paired with those big brown eyes, I CAN'T HANDLE IT I'M ONLY HUMAN

wwx: therefore, hanguang jun, please protect this fragile, feeble man~

he says it with a thin smile which looks as adorable as all his other smiles

Tbh i get the impression that he's a little embarrassed to have to ask for help

NOT THAT HE EVEN NEEDED TO ASK BC LWJ IS ALREADY WILLING TO PROTECT HIM FROM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME

wwx walks around past lwj and we see lwj aim one of his signature Longing Glances at wwx's back

now we're in wwx's old demon palace cave thing!!

AND WE SEE THE JUNIORS ARE ALL TIED UP AND TRAPPED THERE

HELLO, JUNIORS!! WE'VE MISSED YOUR PRECIOUS BABY FACES

lol, lsz and jl are tied to one another, my sweet little baby ship

you know what, this isn't wangxian at all but the juniors have some choice lines here and we should take the time to appreciate them

ljy: what do they even want? whether it's to torture or kill us, they should just do it! i'd rather be eaten by monsters during night hunting than starve to death in this shithole

LOLOL SAME LJY SAME

death by starvation has got to be one of the WORST ways to go

rando jin junior starts running his mouth again and we see jin ling close his eyes and attempt to do a breathing exercise or smth and IT'S HILARIOUS LOLOLOLOL

LOOK AT MY BRATTY SON TRYING TO CONTROL HIS TEMPER

it lasts like, two seconds before he's yelling at the other kid and telling him to shut up

rando jin junior is all offended and is like, what do you mean shut up??

so my precious bratty son is like, "what do i mean? are you deaf or stupid? can't you understand? shut up means STOP TALKING"

I LOVE JIN LING SO MUCH

MY DARLING BRAT OF A SON

they bicker for a bit and lsz cuts in trying to make them stop by pointing out that, hello, they're trapped in here by evil puppets who could decide to come in and tear them to pieces literally any minute now

the distraction tactic didn't work. the boys are trying to beat each other up whilst being tied up and it's HILARIOUS

THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC FIGHT I'VE EVER SEEN, BOYS.

meanwhile lsz is like: guys, calm down, calm down!!

bc he's tied to jl so he's getting all jostled around, poor sweetie-pie lsz 

and this is when wwx decides to step in, with a long suffering sigh and a very unamused: hey, look here.

THE WAY LSZ AND LJY'S FACES LIGHT UP WHEN THEY SEE LWJ NEVER GETS OLD

also it cracks me up how there's a breeze elegantly rustling through wwx's and wn's hair. 

it's so obviously for the Aesthetic bc literally nobody else's hair is doing that 😆😆😆 

ALSO ALSO, OMG WWX IS SO FREAKING HILARIOUS HERE

Wwx unsheathes suibian and hands it to wn KNOWING THAT ALL THESE KIDS ARE TERRIFIED OF THE FEARSOME GHOST GENERAL

AND THE KIDS ALL START PANICKING AS WN TAKES THE SWORD AND STALKS TOWARDS THEM

and wn ning totally plays along bc he slices through those ropes in the most menacing way possible AND ALL THE KIDS SLAM THEIR EYES CLOSED AND HAVE A FULL-BODY FLINCH AND IT'S HILARIOUS

wwx gets sulky that the kids seem more scared of wn than him lol

we see the dumber kids make a break for it but oyzz, with his big kind heart, stops them bc hey, remember there's a horde of evil puppets outside??

lol, wwx smirks at the dumb kids.

lsz: master wei, you're here to save us! you didn't send people to capture us right?

and wwx is like, do i LOOK like i have that kind of money?

lsz is like, ah, yes, i remember that you are TRAGICALLY POOR.

kid doesn't pull punches, does he lol. and he says it so mildly too

wwx's whole reaction here is like, yeah okay, i deserved that one lol

wwx starts grilling the kids for info, which ljy gladly provides, and lwj gives him and lsz a "well done" for their efforts

oooh, now jin ling is approaching wwx

lwj sees him out of the corner of his eye and IMMEDIATELY places himself in front of wwx

which cracks me up bc this is a full grown man here squaring up against a kid who's like, twelve (okay, 16 but still!)

ofc lsz and ljy follow lwj's lead and put themselves between jl and wwx too

wwx thinks they're all being ridiculous

wwx: what are you guys doing? you're surrounding him.

so he nudges the lan kids away and then grabs lwj's upper arm and literally tugs him away from where he was about to throw hands with a child

ljy: you want to stab him again?

lsz: jingyi!

thank you, lsz, tell him to leave my bratty son alone ☹️

wwx essentially waves it all off and is like, hey guys lets focus on getting out of here first, yeah?

jin ling looks ashamed, my poor boy. he feels all guilty for stabbing wwx 😞

now they're plot talking about how they're gonna get out of the cave, what with the horde of evil puppets and all

they make it to the entrance of the cave and we see a whole bunch of cultivators drop in for a party, i guess

oyzz: dad! *runs off to be with dad*

jc: jin ling what are you waiting for? your death?

I LOVE WATCHING JC BE AN UNCLE TO JL

HE'S SO ANGRY WITH HIS AFFECTION LOLOL

oh hey, one of the rando juniors called out "mom!"

that's so cool actually??? we don't really get a lot of lady cultivators but apparently one of them is there to save her kid!!

uh oh, Uncle Lan does not look happy to be here

lwj leads all the lan juniors to lqr and he bows politely to him 

the lan juniors all join lqr and stand behind him but lwj very pointedly stands before lqr and makes no move to get closer to him as wwx joins him at his side

lqr: wangji, come here

lwj looks at him briefly, like he wants to say something, before looking down 

bc no, he's not leaving wwx's side ever again lqr, so you better get used to it

now some rando lady cultivator is shouting at lwj. she's all "you're undeserving of your reputation!!"

and i'm sitting here like, HEY LADY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH OR COME FIGHT ME

YOU KNOW NOTHING, LADY, NOTHING AT ALL

wwx interrupts her rant 

wwx: here you go again!

he probs would've said more but then jc interrupts

jc: we have to do this

and he probs wouldve said more but FUCKING SU SHE INTERRUPTS AS IF HE HAS ANY VALUE AT ALL

LOL JC’s eyes slide over from wwx to su she and he looks at su she WITH SUCH CONTEMPT AND IRRITATION, IT'S GREAT

THAT'S HOW I LOOK AT SU SHE ALL THE TIME LOLOLOL

ss: blah blah we found you cuz you stole kids blah blah 

and wwx is like, EXCUSE YOU, I JUST SAVED THOSE KIDS' LIVES. HOW ABOUT SAYING THANK YOU???

now wwx is gonna get clever and start talking circles around this crew of idiot cultivators

wwx: your party seems a bit weak, guys. shouldn't jgy and lxc be here with you?

ss: blah blah assassination attempt against jgy blah blah lxc is tenderly nursing him back to health blah blah

then su she implies that wwx was the one who tried to kill jgy

STFU SU SHE

wwx snorts

ss: why are you laughing??

wwx: oh, nothing. i was just surprised that jgy could get hurt so easily

and here we get some oyzz time

oyzz: dad, i don't think he really did it. last time, he saved us in coffin town. this time, he rescued us too!

oyzz's dad: don't speak nonsense, you silly child

YOU WANNA GO, OYZZ'S DAD? DON'T TALK TO THE BOY THAT WAY, I WILL FIGHT YOU.

wwx: why didn't the nie clan come?

Nhs pops in from where he was hiding: oh, pardon me! master wei, i don't know anything about this. i'm just here to make up the numbers

ILU NHS, I'M PERSONALLY GONNA GIVE YOU AN ANCIENT FANTASY CHINA OSCAR

LOL i love how after popping up to say that, he just scoots himself away and behind the other cultivators again

now the idiot cultivators are airing their grievances against wwx

ugh, sect leader yao is talking again and we get to see mob mentality in action

GOD THEY ALL NEED TO STFU

BUNCH OF LOSER NOBODIES

they're still hurling accusations at my sunshine boy and it's making me angry

wwx: I won't admit to what i didn't do

YOU TELL ‘EM, WWX!!

Fucking su she chimes in with some bullshit and so wwx decides to do a public service and try to teach these losers some critical thinking skills by laying out Valid Points for Plot Reasons

Lesson gets cut short bc oops, here come more evil zombie puppets with a strong gust of wind for ambience

LOOK AT JC GO WITH THAT ZIDIAN

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT

but it fails on it's second strike!! jc looks at it in shock, like what's going on??

wwx must've seen that happen bc suddenly we see his flute boomerang the puppet that was headed for jc

and wwx places himself in front of him BC THAT'S HIS BROTHER, THE BROTHER HE LOVES

AND HE'S SO WORRIED FOR HIM WHEN HE SEES JC SPIT UP BLOOD

YUNMENG BROOOOOSSSSSSS *SOB*

oh, now we see lqr spit up blood and lwj, being the good nephew that he is, swoops in to fight off the puppets that had been attacking his uncle

god, lwj is such a good person  bc he just blocked a hit aimed for sect leader yao

Sect leader yao

LWJ PROTECTED SECT LEADER YAO

LWJ TRULY IS AN HONORABLE MAN BC I WOULD'VE LET THAT HIT KILL HIM AND BEEN LIKE, OOPS, TOTALLY MISSED THAT, MY BAD

i mean, c'mon, is ANYONE gonna miss him if he dies??? no, nobody would be torn up over sect leader yao dying

his wake would have been a party, like ding dong the witch is dead sort of party

lol, lwj probs regrets this later on when he’s chief cultivator and has to listen to that loser rant endlessly about nothing, like, damn, i should’ve let him die back then

you know, i'm just gonna enjoy lwj fighting. he's got the best fight scenes tbh

we find out that everyone's spiritual energy has been blocked and they're defenseless against those puppets

lsz tells them all that they need to get into the cave where there's a protective circle they can fix and activate

then fucking su she is all like no don't go in there, it's probs a trap to kill us!!

SHUT UP SU SHE

wwx: staying outside will get you killed. going inside will also get you killed. either way, you're dead. but at least going inside will stall them.

wwx: su she, why are you in such a hurry to ask everyone to die with you? What’s your intent?

GET REKT SU SHE

Lol nhs is like are you guys going in or not? i'll just go inside myself if you won't and all his cultivators are like, yeah yeah, let's do that 

everyone's fleeing to the cave now except for su she and his crew

wwx: su she, you'll stay here? fine, stay here. You sure are brave!

THE WAY WWX SAYS THAT THO, THICK WITH MOCKERY AND SARCASM

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

while all the cultivators go into the cave lwj and wn are still fighting until everyone's gone

wwx: lan zhan, come on!

BC EVERYONE'S MADE IT INSIDE NOW AND LWJ NEEDS TO COME WITH HIM AND STAY SAFE!!

lwj slices down two more puppets and then zooms to wwx's side

lqr activates the protective circle and then holds wwx (and by extension lwj) at sword point

lwj: grand master

lwj looks at him like he wants him to understand, but he sees the lqr is not having it so he lowers his gaze

poor lwj 😔

lqr: what do you want?

wwx: nothing. but since you're all here let's have a chat!

lol, wwx sits down and makes himself comfortable even tho he's surrounded by cultivators that want him dead

The cultivators are all like, we don't wanna talk with you!!

wwx: aren't you interested in the reason you got poisoned? i swear, i'm not that capable of poisoning you all without being discovered

nhs: that's right. i think what he says makes sense

nhs is really good at what he does, isn't he? 

he knows exactly when he should interject to get the crowd to do as he wants

wwx starts to walk them through the basic critical thinking process, and lsz adds in his clever insights as well

then there's a bunch of plot talk that idc about

nhs: master wei, what should we do now?

NHS IS SO GOOD AT WHAT HE DOES OMG

Wwx is like, there's only two groups with spiritual power. me and lwj are onE group, and the juniors are the other group.

wwx: as for the rest, i don't think it's inappropriate to describe you as week and useless

I DON'T THINK IT'S INAPPROPRIATE TO DESCRIBE YOU AS WEAK AND USELESS

LOLOLOL LOVING THIS

wwx: if i really wanted to do something, could these young men stop me?

then fucking su she starts talking again

ss: blah blah blah kill me if you want blah blah we aint scared blah blah

Man, you have NO IDEA how much i want you dead, su she

wwx: may i ask who you are?

GET REKT SU SHE

wwx starts teaching them critical thinking again and we're again shown how the juniors are way more clever that these full-fledged cultivators

wwx looks so proud whenever the juniors chime in

su she starts talking again

ss: blah blah you're being fooled by the enemy blah blah bl--

AND THEN HE STOPS MID-SENTENCE

wwx: continue. why'd you stop?

some rando cultivator accuses wwx of doing that to su she and wwx is ADORABLE about it

his eyes get all wide and he frowns with a "well, don't look at me!" expression

HE'S SO CUTE, I LOVE HIM

and lsz and ljy tell us that it's a lan clan specialty - THE SILENCE SPELL

AND WE CUT TO A SHOT OF LWJ COMPLETELY BLANK FACED AS HE TELLS WWX TO CONTINUE

LIKE A BOSS

GET REKT SU SHE

so wwx continues and is like, isn't it weird how fucking su she wanted you all to die out there with him and now he wants to stop me from figuring out who poisoned you? now, why would an ally do that, hm?

I LOVE YOU WWX

IT'S SO FUN WATCHING SU SHE GET UTTERLY DESTROYED THAT I NEED TO RECORD THIS NEXT PART FOR POSTERITY

wwx: it seems that the su clan doesn't get along with the lan clan

ljy: indeed (he says with a disgusted look at su she LOL)

lwj: the su clan is a branch of the lan clan

and here, nhs gets ljy's attention

nhs: what's the story?

LOLOL, NHS YOU GOSSIP YOU

AND THE WAY LJY EAGERLY IS LIKE, HELL YEAH LEMME TELL YOU

lsz interrupts tho so he can give a more tactful explanation

lsz: master nie, you may not know but ss built his own clan after departing from the lan clan

lsz: their techniques are similar to the lan clan's, they're also good at music. even ss's spiritual tool is modeled after hanguang jun's 7-string guqin

ljy: not "departed from." they were expelled for betraying the lan clan. and it's not only that! there are funnier reasons too!

TELL ME MORE LJY. I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE FUNNY REASONS WHY SS WAS KICKED OUT

lsz tries to stop ljy but LJY IS NOT GONNA KEEP HIS OPINIONS TO HIMSELF

ljy: ss not only imitates everything from us, he also forbids ppl from discussing how he imitates hanguang jun

LOL, ATTA BOY LJY

ha, you can hear lsz scolding him in the background

unfortunately ss gets the ability to speak back and immediately gets everyone to start bickering

we see wwx roll his eyes and get this "I am so Done" expression on his face

i feel ya bro

more bickering, ljy giving as good as he gets, which is awesome, and then ljy says something that gives wwx an "aha!" moment

ljy: who are you calling arrogant? which clan's demon-subdue melody was played badly without even noticing?

and with that, wwx figures out how the other cultivators lost their spiritual power. but he's gonna make a show out of explaining it bc Drama.

wwx: lqr, may i ask you a question?

lqr: hmph. if you have a question, why not ask lwj?

wow, very mature of you lqr. what kind of example are you setting for your juniors?

we get a shot of lwj here and he looks at his uncle and then looks away with his mouth pinched

i think that hurt him. he still loves his uncle, after all.

wwx: then i'll ask him

wwx: lan zhan, even tho the su clan departed from the lan clan, they imitated the lan clan exclusive technique, right?

lwj: yes

wwx: one of the techniques is magic music that can exorcise evil with a guqin. since the su clan copied you, lots of their disciples use the guqin too, right?

lwj: yes

wwx: ss left the clan after learning the technique but since he didn't learn it to perfection, his disciples play with many mistakes, right?

GET REKT SU SHE

TODAY IS DRAG SU SHE DAY AND I AM LIVING FOR IT

lwj: yes

wwx: so even if they played music badly during battle, the lan clan wouldn't mind at all. they'd just assume it's careless mistakes. they'd assume someone confuse the score rather than thinking they did it on purpose

then he poses very confidently and says "isn't that right, clan leader su?"

su she goes to pluck the guqin strings and wwx reminds him that he has no spiritual power rn

ss: what are you insinuating by saying all that?

wwx: did i not say it clear enough that you feel like i'm just insinuating?

WWX IS FULL OF ZINGERS TODAY, IT'S AMAZING

and then wwx spells it all out for them bc as all know, these cultivators are all idiots. 

and the episode ends there!

not a lot of wangxiantics aside from the bit at the beginning BUT SO MANY QUALITY LINES FROM WWX AND THE JUNIORS

AND WE GET TO WATCH SU SHE GET DRAGGED FOR HALF AN EPISODE

NOT A BAD WAY TO PASS THE TIME, TBH

Return to Masterpost

[amethystshipper]

I was scrolling through my dash, as one does, and saw .gifs of the scene where the juniors are defending WWX to Sect leader Yao, and I was just smiling and thinking “ah, the kids are all right this time, it will be better”. And then I realized that ... the kids were all right the previous generation, too? And it would have been so easy to see them band together, especially after everything?

Hear me out. In essence, there’s no difference between the juniors and the ... OG juniors. (We need a name for them. Is there a name for that generation??? Cause we have the parents, and we have the juniors, what are WWX&co named??? Whatever, I’m sticking with OG juniors.) Each of these groups went through shitty situations, the OGs arguably through worse with the war and all. But before the war, we have 2 major bonding moments: the Cloud Recesses classes, and the Wen indoctrination. What if they actually bonded together, and their relationships were more flushed out? (Keep in mind I only saw the live-action drama, so that’s what I’m basing everything on.)

So, Cloud Recesses. You have the Jiangs, and then NSH, LWJ, WN and WQ added to the group, more or less willingly. JZX is still being a little bitch, but whatever, he’s there too, along with MianMian, who is arguably his biggest contribution. I will admit, there are ... levels ... of closeness. But you have the three gremlins getting together, and LWJ pulled in (again, levels), you have star-struck WN and tough WQ (who, need I remind you, took care of JYL at least once, which I bet the latter will not forget). You have LQR spitting blood because the boy is definitely his mother’s son, but LXC smiling indulgently, seeing his little brother finally make friends. (And LQR will remember that CSR was mischief made human form, and her son definitely follows in her footsteps, but both of them wanted always to help and not destroy, so there is definitely something wrong with the accusations that WWX wants to take over the world. And LXC will remember the Wen boy who stayed behind to save one of their own, and the Wei boy who dived in to help them both, and will not believe the grim tales of the fierce Ghost General and the Yiling Patriarch.)

After CR, WWX/LWJ/JC/NHS have their little murder adventure, with a WQ cameo.  LWJ is added to the gremlin dynamic and sure, he might not feel like he fits in at first, but WWX cannot seem to stay away from him, and he suffers in silence with JC while WWX is being an idiot and risking his life, omg, stop that, get down you demented cat, and then finds that there’s a certain bond little brothers with big brothers larger-than-life have, and maybe having two more friends is. Acceptable. They’re all supposed to be 15-16 at this point, teenage boys that started this adventure fully confident, at least on the outside. And then Xue Yang happens. And this is, I think, one of the biggest turning point for these four. Because, to a certain degree, all of them rely on rules. Their own, if nothing else. And here is a guy who just ... wants to see the world burn. He kills with no remorse, admits it gleefully, and is just awful in so many ways. This is their first brush with how brutal the outside world is, when they start to doubt themselves and their convictions. But then! XXC and SL appear, and it’s a breath of fresh air! Because there are terrible people and worse situations, but as long as they hold fast in their beliefs and work together and trust eachother, they can beat them!

So they go to the Unclean Realm, and they meet Daddy NMJ. And he’s been watching them approach, and he sees his little brother laughing with the boy in black, he sees him cackling while the one in purple is swinging his fists around; he sees him share a smile with Xichen’s little brother while the other two are laughing so hard they’re bent over so far they’re almost falling to the ground. And he doesn’t show it, because the Red Blade Master is gruff, and tough, and mighty, but in his heart he’s already adopted these kids who include his baby brother in their circle with so much ease, it’s hard to imagine him on the outside. (And in the future, when people are yelling about WWX’s darkness, this is the image he will have in his head: four boys being innocent and happy and his, how dare you try to touch them?!)

Cloud Recesses burns. LXC is nowhere. And then. The biggest paradigm shift - the indoctrination. Everyone arrives in Nightless City. The three OG gremlins watch LWJ back to his jade statue default, they lose their swords, they are on the same side with JZX and WWX/JC don’t know which one of these frustrates them more. It should be the looming war. It’s probably the JZX part. Now, I assume they spend at least a few weeks there, I don’t remember if it’s mentioned. But WWX always tried to get in front, to catch WC’s attention. (Because he’s the disposable one, right? High enough in status that WC is satisfied when he gets to punish him, but not a sect heir, not someone who will bring down a whole sect if he dies. Little does he know.) So don’t tell me that the others don’t rally around him. (Discreetly of course. They learn fast that he just gets more protective if others are hurt because of him.) There’s nothing stronger than a common enemy, and the Wens and WC, specifically, are definitely that. So they watch, and they remember WWX being beaten, whipped, humiliated, all so that others will not be. Not to mention that one night that he doesn’t tell even JC about, because it would crush his little brother to know he couldn’t keep his promise. They remember him staying behind so that they have a chance to escape the murder turtle. (And after the war, when the adults will try to damn WWX for being too arrogant and too prideful, the OG juniors will remember the kid who stood up to the Wen clan and has the scars to prove it, and all to protect them. Where was Jin Guangshan? Where was Sect leader Yao?)

Lotus pier burns. WWX disappears. JC and LWJ look for him for 3 months. And then. And then he comes back. And he burns the Sun to the ground, using dark cultivation and corpses and no sword, and everything that they were taught not to do, ever. And he succeeds where everyone else fails.

Afterwards, when the dust settles but not really, when life comes back to normal but not quite, when things become too boring apparently, the young ones see their elders muttering. And gossip. And look a bit too much at WWX, too closely. But this was a generation forged in the fires of war. They were not like their parents, who had time to figure out their shit and then go to battle, no. They were kids when it all started. There are no more kids amongst them now.

So when the minor sect leaders, subtly encouraged by JGS and JGY, talk about the “young” LC being a leader at such a young age with honeyed words that hide rot, NMJ and LXC rise to his defense. Both of them became sect leaders at young ages, both of them know how hard it is. LQR rises as well and the older ones expect him to be on their side, but they forget LQR got entrusted with a clan and 2 children that he was not supposed to have, so he will never demean another who was in an even worse position, but rose to the occasion despite everything that happened. The Lans promote knowledge and learning above all, and many people can learn a lot from Sandu Shengshou, wouldn’t you agree Sect leader Yao?

When the Jin sect complains about the Stygian Tiger Seal, rumors begin to spread from behind hand painted fans that they are after the artifacts of other sects. After all, does WWX not belong to YungmengJiang? Therefore, do his creations not belong to the sect as well? Who’s to say they won’t go after the treasures of the other sects next?

When JYL destroys Jin Zixun at Phoenix Mountain, JZX steps up to the plate and stands behind his fiancee. WWX is obviously her little brother that she cares deeply about, he will be his future brother-in-law, and honestly Zixun where were you even during the war?? You have demands now because?? Go shoot some arrows and chill. (JC is just standing there with crossed arms, looking at Jin Zixun without blinking, keeping a tight grip over Zidian who is the definition of  “lemme at him!!!” Jiejie doesn’t like it when he slices and dices people, although she’s not leaving much for him to chew on. It’s the most fun he’s had in years.)

When JGY sweetly suggest that there might be a viper poised to strike them in the back, NHS innocently asks “but San-Ge, didn’t your blow to WRH’s back help us win the war?” (NMJ has never loved his brother more than when he roasts JGY. Really, he could cry with pride. Here, A-Sang, there’s that fan you wanted. I ordered new birdcages to be build back home, you can have all the birds you want. Training is ... postponed.)

When news about the labor camps and the slaughtered Wens are revealed, many stay silent. A few of them cheer. But there are also a few that remember a boy willing to save someone from drowning, willing to risk his life to save the dead bodies of two parents. They remember the best doctor of their generation helping them heal, and rest, and save their loved ones. They remember that they are not the only children who were taken by this war, that they were not the only ones forced to make awful choices that haunt their dreams. They remember that it’s easy to stand back, but yet there was always one who stood up for the others, who would stand up for them, so how can they not stand with him now when he most need it?

WWX is not alone. The YungmengJiang clan is not alone. These kids went through hell and back in the past couple of years, and they will be damned if they will let another rise in WRH’s place. This ends now.

[carmineclock]

> I’m a candy shark suck my d

#survivalmemo

CD: So what are you going to do next? just go gordon freeman on every tricksters ? what if they take it from you

04: nah, that won't solve anything. 04: we're trying to find the original source the greys gave.04: maybe if that's broken, it'll break the curse for everyone.

CD: do you think snowman was dumb enough to toss it somewhere ?

04: i wouldn't bet on it.

05: maybe somebody can ask ? she has been replying to everything people ask her about 05: i don't want to do it 05: i told her to keep it somewhere safe gghhh

03: What was it

05: A lollipop i think

03: Hmmm

JH: LIKE A LITERAL LOLLIPOP ? over

CD: sounds stupid enough for me to believe it

04: be careful.

EB: well the candy is a theme so i wouldn't be surprised.

05: Trace what are you doing ?

03: Trying to find where that damn lollipop is I guess

04: ....wait, you're not going to bring her to you, are you? 04: because there's-- already a plan, and. 04: son of a fuck i should have just stayed outta here.

#allchat

03: Snowman, ma'am', miss universe, Mme des étoiles dans le ciel, if I may have your attention

08: WHY HELLO TRACE DARLINNG~!! OH IT'S BEEN AGES WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

03: Oh, here and there 03: But I can't help but wonder 03: Just what may have been so fantastic and fabulous to bring you to such delight 03: It must taste absolutely incredible

[09>03: Lad, what the hell do you think you’re doing?]

[03 > 09: With any luck, progress ]

08: HMMMM, WHAT OH WHAT COULD IT BE INDEED~? 08: IT WAS SO DELICIOUS AND SWEET~ 08: STILL IS~

03: Really? Please, if I may ask, do tell, where could I find it 03: I'd love to have a taste

08: WHY, MY DARLING SWEET TRACE, I HAVE IT WITH ME, OF COURSE~ 08: PLEASE OH PLEASE WON'T YOU LET ME SEE YOU TO GIVE YOU A TASTE~

03: Ah, alright. But no, no need to, I don't want you to trouble yourself

08: MY DARLING, IT'S NO TROUBLE AT ALL~!!!! 08: I CAN BE WITH YOU IN JUST 08: ONE

#survivalmemo

05: i don't like this 05: trace stop it

03: So apparently she has it with her

05: YEAH NO SHIT

04: hey trace have you considered. 04: asking before you do things.

03: Hey now 03: In my defense, we've been out in the desert for three days

04: goddammit. 04: are you still at the same camp, i'm coming back.

EB: holy shit you're in the desert? EB: i'd make a pun about dessert but something tells me now isn't the time to be mentioning sweets.

06: Haha, oh fuck.

03: Ah well [ --- 03 left the memo ---]

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:21 PM

> Appear before Trace in the desert, high in the sky and a bit away but VERY much within line of sight. "SECOND~"

The Hamst⭐r (05/JH/CD)Yesterday at 9:22 PM

>Fin is already running into the desert abandon ship

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 9:23 PM

> Well, to the surprise of absolutely no one, this was a stupid plan. Your heart skips a beat, but you realize, panic is absolutely pointless, so you send another thing on your phone, then put it away. "Good evening, ma'am."

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:25 PM

> You giggle as you watch Fin book it into the desert before you float down closer, fast as you please, until you're within arm's reach of Trace (and maybe Nepeta? depending?).  You fold your hands beneath your chin as you grin at him.  The front of you is covered in bright red and blue blood. "GOOD EVENING, TRACE~ TRACY TRACY, DARLING~ STILL OUT HERE PLAYING IN THE DUST AND THE RUINS~?"

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 9:27 PM

> Nepeta better be running. You hope Fin is pulling her with him, if not, he's gonna tell her to run.

> Boy, what a lovely sight. A chill runs down your spine. You're aware that trying to outrun her is useless, especially once she set her sight on you. You also faintly recall Fin telling you that refusing the tricksters is a bad bad idea. But maybe you can give Fin and Nepeta enough time to get out of her sight. "Yep, it's quite lovely here, isn't it?"

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:32 PM

> You float lazily around him, coming up behind him to wrap your arms around his neck.  You nuzzle against the back of his head, and you smell like sanguine sangria, so close up.  You're purring, loud and low in your throat. "IT IS~ THOUGH IT USED TO BE MUCH LOVELIER~"

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 9:33 PM

> Ahhh, more chills. She smells disgustingly sweet. Ma'am, have you tried replacing some of that sugar for glitter, worked wonders for my coffee. "Oh, please, would you like to tell me about it?"

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:34 PM

> You dip your head down then, pressing electric blue lips against his ear as you whisper. "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, ALBERT~ YOU CAN ONLY STALL FOR SO MUCH TIME~"

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 9:39 PM

> God, you're fucking scared, and a little... thrilled? "I'm sure you do. But don't you  want to find out for how much longer I can stall? I really am interested."

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:43 PM

> A hot breath of laughter is pressed against his ear and you swipe your tongue over the cone of it. "WHY STALL WHEN I CAN GET WHAT I WANT NOW~? I HAVE YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU, AFTER ALL..."

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 9:49 PM

> Oh yeah, your time is definitely running out. If you didn't have goosebumps yet, you get them now. And you can't help the grinning... Funny, how fast this terrible idea went downhill. "I suppose you're right. But then, perhaps, could I have the lollipop? You promised, didn't you?"

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:53 PM

"HMMM~ OHH, THAT OLD THING~?" > You twirl about him now, cupping his cheek between your bloody palms. "DID IT NEVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT I MIGHT BE LYING, SWEET ALBERT~?"

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 9:56 PM

"Now, that would be awfully rude of you. Would you really play me like this?" > You somewhere in the back of your mind register that the healthy instinct would be to pull away, but you lean in a little more. "But then, where is it~?"

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 9:57 PM

> You lean in close now, your lips brushing his. "IN ORBIT AROUND MERCURY~"

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 10:01 PM

> Well, there goes your last bit of hope to escape this madness, both in immediate and the far future. "How clever..." > You finish blindly typing something on your phone in your pocket and then give in to the temptation before you.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 10:02 PM

> You wrap your arms around his neck and dive in deep.  It's time for Hot Nasty Bloody Trickster Makeouts.

🎩 🐇 (03/Dave/MK)Yesterday at 10:03 PM

> Who knew that you could be so into making out with a lady.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Yesterday at 10:04 PM

> ;))) > You'll make it the best make outs he's ever had.

[sburbian-sage]

Prospitians and Dersites

A small list of all those cute carapacians and what role they have.

Artillery Deputy/Ace Dick/Angelic Dude

Alignment: Prospit

A short stout Prospitian, and one of the 3 agents for the golden planet. He, like the others, is willing to jump into action, and does a damn fine job of it, but is rather peculiar. He is very strong, but has an incredibly poor imagination and is not creative at all. Talking to him is poking a brick wall to find the Magicant. But he has his upside. Particularly, an access to lots of guns. He usually totes a tommy gun, a shotgun, or in some cases, a minigun. Don’t bring him for utility, befriend him for the dakka. He’s also great as a tank. But watch his health, because his special move is taking a shot directly in the gut.

AD’s imagination is so poor, the game doesn’t even know his recruitment parameters. Just try asking politely. I think you should try tootsie rolls?

In certain cases, AD will take the identity of Ace Dick when exiled and join a gang of investigators, which is really ridiculous, but still cool. His lack of imagination shows here because he makes a name instead of a title like his friends, but at least it fits the theme of being named AD.

If AD gets the Ring, he becomes the Angelic Dude, and will be very powerful. Unfortunately, his low imagination means he won’t use any of his powers to any great extent. He’ll still be hardy though.

Authority Regulators

Alignment: Any

What is pretty much the police. If you break the law, they’ll bust down on you. There’s 3 types, each with a rating matching the level of crime they solve. The first one is Petty Guards, for petty crimes like littering and squabbles. They look like regular carapaces in a suit. They are cutely inefficient, and actually kind of fun to mess with. The second type are Standard Guards, for standard crimes like assault, theft, and vandalism. They look a bit rougher, and will go to great lengths to finish the job. This makes them great allies, aces in the sleeve, and occasionally monkey wrenches. Then we get Serious Guards for serious crimes, like murder, mass destruction, and unpaid parking tickets. That might be a bug. They will solve problems with violence and guns if they have them. They also tend to be more of a problem for the player than anyone else. Keep in mind that the guards are called based on the seriousness of the crime, but if one is in the area they will come, regardless of their level. This results in Serious Guards threatening to kick your shit in for missing the trash can, and Petty Guards trying to stop a Rampaging Player.

These guys are made for comedic sociopathy.

If any of them come across The Ring, they will return it to the proper Royalty. However, Derse Guards will take a WK/WQ ring to Derse, while a Prospit Guard will take a BK/BQ Ring to Derse. Talk about lawful stupid.

Black King

Alignment: Derse

The main villain. He leads the Derse armies on the Battlefield and can always be found there. His armies are always destined to win and the game reaches its peak when the players challenge his claim to The Ultimate Reward.

Black Queen

Alignment: Derse

The Queen of Derse. Despite being presumably being married with the King, she seems to cavort with Jack Noir quite a bit. However, the SGRUB version explicitly states that Jack and Queen have a Kismesissitude, which includes polyamory, so she’s not cheating in SGRUB, while might be in SBURB. But nobody is stopping her, because the Queen is very powerful. In fact, a fully prototyped Queen will sometimes be more of a challenge than a fully prototyped King. Killing the Queen then the King is a challenge in Replayer circles. But you may want to do that later, as the Queen can give favours and even be asked for assistance. Just keep in mind that she is a vain beast, so be sure to be humble and compliment her every other sentence.

Courtyard Droll/Clubs Deuce/Capricious Demon

Alignment: Derse

One of the Derse Agents, but don’t worry. All he does is sit around and dance with his stupid hats and umbrellas, and get bullied by the other Agents. DD is probably the nicest because he just puts his cigarettes out on him. This one is marked with a Clubs, and he tends to settle disputes. SGRUB refers to him as a loose Auspistice, so him stopping you and a friend fighting is actually somewhat lecherous. Kinda. Regardless, he doesn’t look much, and his unassuming nature is his strength, as he can get by undetected and unexpected and do some serious damage, including theft. And if he gets his hands on explosives, you’re severely disadvantaged, if not dead. Knocking off his hat will stun him, so take advantage of it. And whatever you do, don’t get hit by his cane. It’s... upsetting.

You can actually recruit CD temporarily by wearing a hat and showing interest and knowledge in hats. Just don’t get addicted to hats. That’s a documented mental illness and it fucks up everything.

If he gets exiled, he will probably join a gang with the other Agents as their powder monkey. But if he gets the Ring, he becomes the Capricious Demon. If this is the case, he usually follows a plan of doing empowered tasks for the other agents, realizing he is more powerful, murdering all of them out of revenge, and then claiming The Ultimate Reward for himself. He will also gain a bit more pyromaniacal traits, and will blow up The Ultimate Reward. Stop him before he does this. Recruiting the other agents if they’re alive is best for this, but make sure they don’t betray you. 

Filching Rapscallion/Filthy Roughneck

Alignment: Derse

A lowly thief who lives in alleyways. He’ll probably steal things from you and the royalty, but mostly out of survival. Hell, if he gets the Ring, he won’t even think about putting it on, he’ll try to sell it. Despite his criminal nature, he’s actually nice, and can be called upon for help and even recruitment. You can trade your items and boondollars for his black market/stolen/illegal items, and feeding him a feast’s worth of food means he’ll be in your debt. In battle, he fights with a knife and can score brutal sneak attacks and backstabs. A little bit of a glass cannon, but an expert dodger. Any kills he lands also pays out more grist. He’ll eventually ask you to help him steal his Thief Armour from Prospit and Thief Knife from Derse, and doing so will net you lifetime loyalty, discounts, and his best armour and weapons. He’s one of my go-to NPCs. The only disadvantage is that he won’t enter jailhouses, buying from him is a Standard Crime, and him following you is a Petty Crime.

Draconian Dignitary/Diamonds Droog/Destructing Duke

Alignment: Derse

One of the Derse Agents. He’s the classy one marked with a Diamond. He is a slacker, and spends most of his time smoking and reading his newspaper. Please do not read the newspaper. On that note, troll girls, stay away, and human girls, don’t paint yourself grey. However, despite his slacking off and odd interests, he is a powerful man. He’s Jack’s second-in-command, and in SGRUB versions, his Moirail. He’s extremely charismatic, and can sweet-talk anyone, even some players! And if all fails, his pool cue and twin automatic rifles even the field. Be careful of this one. Even if you exile him, he does the same thing, just as Diamonds Droog, and he’s dressed better.

You can recruit DD by being a grey lady for uncomfortable reasons, but the more respectable way to do it is showing good taste in fine jazz, and lighting his cigarettes every once in a while. In addition to his regular traits, he boosts fraymotif power.

If DD gets the Ring, he’ll either hand it to Jack, or wear it himself and become the new boss, Destructing Duke. He’ll be Orcus on his Throne, and if he has to get up, he’ll salt the land. But SBURB is a game about chess. You’ll have to beat him at wits to get the drop on this man.

Hackneyed Genius/Hi-jinks Gunman

Alignment: Derse

A crazy dersite inventor, identifiable by his mustache (which he always pronounces as MOO-stash) and wearing of two monocles. He can be found in bunkers and other isolated places where he works on inventions. HG will never wear the Ring, instead choosing to study and test with it. He can be recruited by giving him some alchemy equipment. Doing so will allow you to buy alchemized equipment for Boondollars, but he also has combat use. He chooses to hang back and use guns, except they shoot weird things. This usually results in trick bullets and status effects. HG also does more damage against robotic targets.

Hegemonic Brute/Hearts Boxcars/Hulking Berserker

Alignment: Derse

The biggest Agent. Identifiable by how damn big he is by his Heart marking. He is not big on brains. This isn’t to say he’s a moron, but he knows where his strengths are (in his strength). He uses axes, but has also been known to use any big object around. Or cannibalism. He’s big on cannibalism. He’s mostly the muscle, and there isn’t much else to him. He is however really into flushed romance, and will ship the players and everyone else, so be wary.

You can recruit his strength by fulfilling his fantasies by acting lovey dovey with the person he ships you with, even if you fake it.

If he gets the Ring, he will put in on out of curiosity. If it fits his giant armoured sausage fingers, he will become the Hulking Berserker, freak out, and destroy the Incipisphere. It is nearly impossible for him to burn out. Just kill him. He is oddly weak to decapitation.

Jack Noir/Spades Slick/Sovereign Slayer

Alignment: Derse

The Big Man hass... the knif...

Jack Noir is the head of the Derse Agents. The only weapons he needs are his knives. If you anger him, it’s death by stabbing. Most Dersites have grown to fear that shadowy black Spade he wears. Jack Noir is going to be one of your biggest enemies. He thrives off violence and maybe even gets off of it, as he represents Kismesissitude. He’s even pining in black over the Queen. And you’re going to need him. He’ll help you take out the Queen, but make sure she doesn’t die, or he’ll stick your head outside his office as a testament to other players. He’ll also ask you favours to dismantle the Prospit royalty, and hands out infinite Regiswords that do more damage to royalty. Yeah, he just has infinite amounts, it’s a bug that he capitalizes on. As sharp as his knives.

If you exile him, he’ll just start fresh, but this time at the top as Spades Slick. He oft forms a gang known as The Midnight Crew, and they are cruelly efficient.

If Jack gets the Ring, mercy be upon you. The Sovereign Slayer will take the throne. All the thrones. The dead royalty pile will stack in a fast manner. And then he has all the power to take you lot out. It’s widely recognized that a Noir takeover is one of the hardest challenges in SBURB.

Recruiting Jack is a good option as he is powerful in the early game, respectable in the late game, and you’re close enough to betray him. The easiest way to recruit is doling out licorice scotty dogs. Yeah, I don’t know what those are either. So just take one for the team and get shanked. After you’re gushing blood, show reverence and respect for him, and you’ll get on his good terms. Humans and Red-Blooded Trolls have better chances as he’ll be inclined to shed his own blood and show how you two are the same. If you’re a troll session and you’re mutated, just flash him some hemoglobin and threaten the others with Jack if they get all cully.

Jack hates Clowns, will be enraged by them, and does extra damage to them.

Madame Domino

Alignment: Prospit (Zizi)/Derse (Zebra)

The Madames Domino are a a pair of twins. The Prospitian one lives on Derse and dresses in black and the Dersite lives on Prospit and dresses in white. HUH? I think they’re doing a switch or an “exotic musician” thing, because nobody notes them besides how good they are or how nice they look. The Dersite is named Zizi and the Prospitian is named Zebra. They’re pretty cool and make good jazz and pop respectively. Hanging out near them is good stress relief. They can also help make good fraymotifs on their downtime, but are otherwise unrecruitable.

Ms Paint

Alignment: Prospit

She’s a rather cute Prospitian who carries a bucket of paint. Humans think she’s just cute girl. Trolls are either disgusted or turned on. It doesn’t help that whoever made this game gave this single carapace boobs. Sometimes dimorphism is good. She also has a weird trait in that nobody can harm her. They all can’t harm such a cute person. Even Jack Noir, who can only feel hate and bloodlust, will go red for her.

Miss Taylor

Alignment: Derse

A timid lady in Derse who works in a clothing shop. Doing favours for her results in new outfits for you Dream and God Tier clothes. A fan favourite. However, there’s another aspect about her people like. She can be recruited, but has no combat capabilities. This is probably a glitch or bug or just mistake, but Guards and Dames can protect her and get bonuses for protecting someone. In fact, GodsGiftToGrinds, author of the SBURB Glitch Faq, actually noted that he survived a case of being the sole survivor of a Session Wipe by utilizing Miss Taylor. Listen to the real pros here.

Parcel Mistress/Parcel Mister

Alignment: Any

Not one carapace so much as multiple carapaces. These guys are WILD. The Mailing companies evidently hire ninjas because these guys will walk across Battlefields, angry Dream Moons, and places like the Land of Glaciers and Magma (because fuck convection) to deliver their mail. They will deliver. The mail will never fail. They also hand out mail-delivery quests, and these are some of the deadliest quests out there. In addition, they’re largely free spirits and will do anything. They can wear the Ring. They can kill players and royalty. They will deliver. Respect these guys.

Prospitian Sheriff/Problem Sleuth/Pulchritude Saint

Alignment: Prospit

The de facto head of the Prospit Agents. He walks around and investigates crimes from Petty to Serious in a hard-boiled manner. But he has a weird quirk in that he treats the petty crimes as Serious and the serious crimes as Petty. Still, good work ethic. He’s handy with a gun, and is otherwise average at everything else. He’s also been known to form a band of detectives and call himself Problem Sleuth.

PS can be recruited by giving him candy corn which is delicious fuck you, finding his flask for him, and unlocking him from his office. He is also fond of racially diverse murals. If you’re an all Alabaster Human session, that option is blocked. Troll Sessions give him an appreciation for hemospectum diverse murals.

If PS gets the Ring, he becomes the Pulchritude Saint. This is extremely powerful, as he also unlocks the [Sepulchritude] Hope ability and uses it. He can potentially use it in his regular form, but it’s hard to unlock. This man will become a beast. He will also eat every candy corn in the universe.

Psychic Initiate/Pickle Inspector/GodHead Pickle Inspector

Alignment: Prospit

The tallest Prospit Agent. He often spaces out and probably has some sort of mental issue or something because he isn’t entirely upstairs. However, he has access to magic powers, and is willing to help you focus your Aspect powers, as well as help the Royalty and assist PS when needed. 

He can be recruited with copious amounts of candy, but be careful, because he will burst with power.

If he gets his hand on the Ring, he becomes GodHead Pickle Inspector (regardless of if he ever was Pickle Inspector) and will quickly become beyond morality and just sit around, provide indirect help, and also regard the Universe. Note that he messes with the session and now you have to breed the Genesis Pickle, and everything gets made out of Pickle Inspector. Don’t worry about it. It’s also better to have a useless GodHead than an empowered Derse Royal/Rogue Agent, so don’t worry about him. He’ll do his own thing.

Relations Officer/Romance Official

Alignment: Prospit

An older Prospitian who is as weird and obsessed as HB, but without the muscle. He knows all about how people interact and facilitates what he calls a “shipping wall”. He’s mostly useless as he will only use the Ring to marry people off, but he does have one cool feature. The shipping wall can keep track of how everyone feels about each other, and Humans without access to the Replayernet can learn about Troll Romance from him.

Stupefied Warrior/Shambling Wrecker

Alignment: Prospit

A big man who stands around the halls of the Prospit Castle. He does guard duty, but if you bribe him with big legs of meat, say hello to some hired muscle. He’ll put anything in the ground with some brutal combat, and is a great tank. Just be aware that he will get stuck in doors.

Warweary Villein/Weakened Vanguard/Whelpish Viscount

Alignment: Any

A class of carapaces more than one person. They live on the battlefield, but they aren’t soldiers. They’re just trying to live, and will hide and starve all the while. They can be counted on to be help in tactician duties if you want to engage the Black King in war, but don’t hold up in combat. They can also experience trauma and PTSD. Help them, let them help you, but don’t break them.

White King

Alignment: Prospit

The leader of the Prospitians on the Battlefield. He’ll ask you for favours in the war that can be done for Reputation and other boons, but he is destined to lose. He may not always die, but he will fall, and his scepter will break. But in your times of need, if you assist him, he’ll be there to catch you.

White Queen

Alignment: Prospit

The Queen of the Prospitians. She stays on the golden planet to provide help and comfort to her subjects. She is a powerful ally, and can provide boons for help. Mutual assistance. She’s also central to a lot of quests, and responsible for most of the Festivals and Celebrations on Prospit. If she dies, the gold planet dies a little, irreparably. When asking things of her, be polite and courteous. She won’t reject or banish you, but she has a long memory.

[twistedmusings]

Can I ask fluff 13 with azul? I JUST LOVE HOW YOU WRITE FLUFF ITS SO AMAZING AND HEARTWARMING DHDVDV😍😍

A/N: I'm still hella sad about failing this stats quiz so honestly, this request was for both you and me, nonny q wq

Warnings: Azul being the cute octomer he is when he isn't swindling everyone out of their money and/or personal freedom.

Azul Ashengrotto 

“I need three orders to table five!” 

“Yes, Prefect!” 

Azul blinked as he watched you take over the small kitchen in the Monstro Lounge, chopping vegetables at lighting speed before dropping half into the soup you were making while the others went into a stir fry pan filled with shrimps lightly roasting on a brown sauce that seemed to be of your own making. 

“Oh, welcome back Azul.” 

He looked over at Jade who was putting away a small notepad filled with orders, both of their eyes transfixed on the small spectacle you were putting on. 

“They popped in to look for you and when I told them you were away they simply put on the apron and started working.” 

“What did you tell them?” Azul asks, eyes watching you chop carrot rounds into perfect little stars.

“That you needed to go to your office for a moment because you were a little stressed.” 

Of course Jade would tell them the truth. Something to embarrass him even further in front of the only person who he wished would view him as an upstanding business owner instead of a second year doing his damn hardest to run an actual working restaurant. 

Yet even with that, you seemed to be the only one who takes his restaurant endeavors very seriously. 

“Shrimpy~!!! I delivered the orders!” 

Floyd runs in with two empty silver trays, going over to your side as you grab a spoon and dip it into the pot of soup you were making. 

“Thank you so much, Floyd! Here--ah!” 

“Aaaah~!!” 

Jade chuckles as he looks at Azul’s expression. 

“They have also been promising Floyd a spoonful of the soup they are making every time he delivers five orders successfully. From what I have been hearing, clients say this is the fastest our customer service has been in a while.” 

Manning the kitchen and somehow managing Floyd into doing his job...

The octomer catches your eyes, stepping back a bit as you wave at him before asking for someone to watch over as the soup boils. 

“Azul!” 

Jade stands up and turns around, leaving the dorm leader alone so Azul could talk with you in private. 

You touch his arm and give him a worried look. 

“You feeling better? Jade mentioned something--”

Azul shakes his head, “I believe he might have been exaggerating. The stress was nothing more than a headache. I just needed to get away from the noise.”

“Oh...I’m sorry.” you look around at the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, “I really should have kept it down--” 

“No...not at all.” he chuckles, “In fact, this is more than I ever expected you to do.” 

He doesn’t expect your frown and the hand grabbing at his wrist, pulling him away from the kitchen and into the small hallway that separated it and the bar area. 

Were you trying to tell him something in secret?

“...did something happe--” 

Azul feels his back pressed against the wall as you press your lips on his, pulling away with a blush on your face as he tries to remember where he is, what he is doing and just how did he get into this situation. 

“I would consider this the bare minimum in my eyes. If the person I like the most is stressed I want to be able to help out...you know?” 

The person you like the most...

The person you like the most...it was him? 

He knew that you two had discussed your feelings for each other but he didn’t expect you to act on them first--!

The person you like the most...is it really him? 

You both stand there looking at the ground with your hearts beating out of your chests, not one word being shared but the emotion being felt loud and clear as, finally, you clear your throat. 

“Do--Do you want to taste what I made? It’s all seafood based and health conscious! I tried to follow the theme of the menu as much as I could but I want you to be the final verdict!” 

“Yes...yes of course.” Azul’s embarrassment turns to confidence, “But I won’t be nice, you are aware that my parents own one of the most celebrated restaurants in the Coral sea?” 

“Then I hope that it will exceed your expectations.” 

You both laugh as you make your way back, stopping when you feel a hand on your wrist tug you back. 

“And for the record.” Azul tugs you back again, squeezing your hand softly, “You’re...you’re the person I like the most too.” 

He doesn’t even want to look you in the face as he says it, the squeeze you give back answer enough as he lets you go back to your work...

So that he can lean into the wall and put both hands over his face, the smile tugging on his cheeks starting to hurt with how badly he was trying to hold it back. 

He really didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.

[twistedmusings]

hhhhiii i see requests are open... can i have azul and riddle with a taller+flirty s/o? fem s/o is much preferred but g/n is also OK!! thank youu i love your writing 😭💞

A/N: I am a very short girl. I am shorter than Riddle. So this...was hard to write. But gosh if I did not love every second of it q wq. Honestly, I feel like these two would benefit from having an S/O who is a lot more open about her love. Dammit now I want a tall girlfriend. 

All the way from the fluff section in our library, let me get that book for you! 

Warnings: None! 

--Everyone make way for the short king. 

--First, he doesn’t know how he fell in love with her. Her flirtiness was known in Heartslabyul and there was not a time that Riddle hadn’t caught one of the students trying to slide a love letter her way. Which was already highly inappropriate; they were having tea for the Queen’s sake! 

--So he scolded her for it, which only made her reply in your usual way. Which made him scold her again and she replied with another flirty comment about how adorable it was that he cared so much about who she flirted with. 

“Am I that distracting?” 

“Yes!”

“So...should I just flirt with you instead?” 

“P--Pardon?” 

--The dorm room celebrates as Riddle announces his relationship a week later, according to the rules, and smiles when his girlfriend bends down to place a kiss on his cheek. 

--And that is when he starts to get confused about how he feels about the situation as a whole. 

--Generally, he liked when people talked to him as if it was normal conversation and no comment was made about his height. Trey spoke to him normally, Cater knew better than to make any sort of comment and Deuce and Ace wouldn’t make a comment to save their lives. 

And she also didn’t make a comment either! It’s just that the more time she spent together with him the more he started to take in the height difference between them. 

--If he was trying to reach for a book in the library he would feel a hand on his back and his beloved coming up behind him and getting the book down for him. He would try and protest saying that she didn’t need to help he could have gotten a stool--! 

--But he almost bites his tongue when she leans in and places a kiss on his forehead, telling him that she just wanted an excuse to kiss him in public. Riddle wants to retort back and says something about PDA not being appropriate but he is met by a pair of lips silencing him. 

“We really shouldn’t--! And in public--!” 

“You didn’t like it?” 

“...I didn’t say that.” 

--Riddle might have a lot to say about PDA when it comes to others, but he is clearly getting spoiled on the sidelines by his girlfriend. And he lives for it. He meets her after classes and offers his arm to her so they can walk together, getting a kiss on the cheek for it. He invites her to several Unbirthday parties and has her sit by his side, which earns him a kiss on the hand. She has trouble studying? Cue tutor Riddle coming in to the rescue, which earns him a bunch of kisses that he would rather keep private as to where they were placed.

--The unspoken rule is that, as long as he is doing something to help her or she is doing something to help him, modest kisses (aka: hand, cheek or forehead) can be given out whenever the other party desires it. 

--Also forehead kisses are his favourite, prove me wrong. 

--As I am writing this I am also picturing them ballroom dancing, like an event in NRC just has dancing involved and Riddle holds out his hand to her and invites her to the dancefloor...only to realize that he kinda reaches up to her neck and he can’t do the usual thing where she would lean into his chest as they slow danced.

--But she kinda beats him to the punch when he tries to pull away, feeling he looks ridiculous. She just presses him close to her and lets him wrap her arms around her waist, smiling as she hugs him close and leans her head against the top of his. People could talk all they wanted but did they have a girlfriend? Riddle thought that probably not. 

“Surely this must not be comfortable.”

“Riddle I’m fine. Besides, I think everyone is a tad jealous right now.” 

“How so?” 

“Well...you are rather close to my chest. Not that I’m complaining, I love it actually~” 

--Riddle hates to say it...but that is a perk that he did not expect and it certainly wasn’t unwelcome. 

--Like I said, make way for our short king. 

--He loves it. 

--Azul sees no downside about not only having a flirty s/o, but having a tall s/o was also what made this relationship so wonderful to him. Why? Two words.

--Power. Move. 

--He didn’t necessarily ask for it but as he is making a deal one day she just walks in and greets him normally, Azul taking the time to lean back and kiss her hand as he usually did but stopping when the girl walks in front of the couch and makes her way into Azul’s lap sitting in such a way that she is now facing the client with her legs crossed while her lips were placed gently on Azul’s temple. 

“Just keep working, I won’t bother you~” 

--Azul normally loves your affection but seeing the student sit up straighter and get visibly more nervous as she played with his hair brought Azul a sort of euphoria he didn’t expect.

--Yes he knew not to get revenge on others for bullying him and whatnot, but the feeling of superiority that came with having an S/O who was so open about her affection with him was a power trip in its own way. 

--She sits in with him with every deal he makes now, Azul talking normally as his hands rest on her legs while playing with his hair and pressing kisses to his cheek whenever she feels like it. 

--Azul at first is a bit embarrassed at the height difference and the almost effortless flirtiness that seemed to come to her so naturally, but he does notice the looks he gets when he walks by which just...makes him hold his head up higher as he walks. 

--One thing he is surprised to like is...the cuddling. 

--As part octopus, Azul’s tentacles will latch to whatever he likes. His girlfriend had only had the pleasure to see him in his octopus form once and was more than happy when he mentioned that fact to her, but he didn’t expect his human legs to carry out the same sort of treatment. This meant that every time they cuddled together, Azul was always the little spoon wrapping himself around her. 

--A fact she never fails to mention when he does it almost without thinking. 

“You really want to keep me here, huh?” 

“Not necessarily. If you need to leave, I am not stopping you.” 

“That’s not what your legs are saying. You have me in a really tight hold, Azul~” 

--Oh my god the tentacle comments. Azul thinks that he can take the height difference between them pretty well but she just takes him by surprise when she comes up behind him and gives him a hug, Azul returning it with a side hug as he is doing his work, but stopping when she leans in close and whispers about how she wishes he would hold just a tad bit tighter. 

“Your octopus form is a lot more honest...you really held onto me tight last time.” 

--What is worse is that the tweels are there for every second of it, their teasing of Azul increasing to a maximum whenever she is around. He sends Jade and Floyd to run and errand with her and just as they are leaving she turns around to wave goodbye. 

“Anything else you want from Sam’s place, baby?” 

“Yeah Azul! Anything else, baby?” 

“Now Floyd, no reason to pester him further. We’ll be going now...baby~” 

--All three run out laughing as Azul throws a pen at the door, catching her blowing a kiss his way. 

--He is still embarrassed, but he makes a motion to catch it and wave goodbye, smiling as he thinks just how lucky he is to get someone like her. 

--And it’s not like he was short, but he certainly looked a lot more intimidating walking with a rather tall drink of water hanging from his arm~ listen I know that is a stupid line even I apologize 

[twistedmusings]

A/N: My first request *squeal*. Thank you @raymiazaki​ !It feels like I’m a librarian recommending books. Honestly after watching the Malleus’s birthday SSR I couldn’t keep away from this request solely cause HOW CAN HE BE THAT ADORABLE? He ate a whole cake by himself because he had no one else to eat it with q wq  I’ll eat it with you, bae. 

Warnings: None, Very platonic and just way too much too much fluff!

Let me get that book for you! 

Dear Grandmother--

Dearest Grandmother--

My esteemed Queen, I have--

Malleus sighs as he tries to clear his mind and restart all over. His grandmother had written him a beautiful letter congratulating him for his birthday and Malleus held the belief that maybe he should start writing back to her. He knows she is rather busy with the entire kingdom but maybe he should start putting effort in telling her about his school life. 

His third year had been rather interesting, after all. 

The cold hit against his skin as he looked down, fixing the buttons on his suit as well as touching the rather impressive decal on his right breast pocket. Were human celebrations meant to be so decorative? With the way the Diasmonia lounge had been decorated it seemed so. It was all rather new so it wasn’t like he had minded the rather festive celebration. Lillia had done a small presentation with his bass, Silver had given him a rather soft looking pillow and Sebek had handed him an apple that was beautifully carved to shape a mighty dragon spewing fire. 

And you had come along, probably the biggest surprise of all. 

He raised his head when he saw the Ramshackle dorm lights, quickening his pace just a bit as he remembered your visit. 

For some reason the Headmaster had asked you to interview some of your friends for their birthday months. He said that it would make a great piece for the school newspaper as well as a way for Night Raven College students to know what kind of people attended this prestigious school. You were friends with some rather eccentric people so Malleus figured that the Headmaster had asked the right person. Before your visit, he had read up on everybody else’s answer as well as practicing what he would say to some potential questions you might ask, Lilia catching him talking to himself and asking if he needed to ‘lie down’ with a teasing smile on his face. Malleus simply stated that he wanted to be ready for what you might say. 

The fae was pleasantly surprised, however, to find that most of your questions led to some pleasant tid bits of conversation he rarely got to have with you in his day to day life. You had looked quite impressed when he spoke about his confusion with human birthday celebrations and stating how you never saw it from his point of view, not panicking about how one hundred years didn’t compare at all to the life of a fae. 

You didn’t fear for your mortality, you welcomed it. 

Maybe that is why he wanted to write to his grandmother, because he had made a friend that interested him far more than anything else in these past two years. 

You approached him without fear, spoke to him as if he was just another regular person and insisted on calling him the nickname you had given him when you two first met. When he asked for your reason as to why you kept calling him that despite now knowing his true name, you simply shrugged and smiled, stating that it was special. A secret that was shared between you. 

He had promptly apologized after, stating that he rather liked the nickname as well and how he hoped you would continue using it. 

The interview went just as fast as he had expected it, the little cat of yours pawing at your shoulder and insisting that you get a move on or else there would be no time to ‘prepare’. Which was a pity, you two had just been talking about how an entire birthday cake should be eaten with friends instead of all by himself but he guessed that you were still rather caught up in Ramshackle dorm priorities. 

Whatever those may be. You stood up fast and gathered your things before turning to Malleus, the other thanking you for coming and wishing you a good rest of your night. He turned to the balcony once he heard the door of the dorm close shut, moving towards it in hopes to catch a glimpse of you as you left. Malleus smiled as he watched Grimm float in front of you as you struggled to catch up, saying something about how you had forgotten the most important part. 

“Ramshackle is so far away! Why didn’t you ask him during the interview!” 

“I forgot! Just...go to Ramshackle and I’ll meet you there!” 

Seems you forgot something. Malleus watches as Grimm leaves, waiting a few moments before calling out to you. “Child of man?” 

His eyes meet yours as you smile, waving your hands around as you let out a happy squeal. “Oh good! You’re up there! Listen! I don’t know why I forgot to tell you this but--mind coming over to Ramshackle after the party here is over?” 

He tilts his head, an invitation? Apparently you could see the confusion in his eyes and spoke again. 

“Just for a little bit! I forgot your present at my place and I want to give it to you before the night is over!” 

You had looked up at him, both of you still looking at each other as Malleus thought about his answer. 

“...Alright. I’ll be seeing you there, Prefect.” 

With a grin, you waved at him and ran after your little cat familiar, leaving Malleus with a smile and newfound excitement. 

From one party to another, he figured Lillia’s party nature may be rubbing off on him. 

He walks up the Ramshackles steps, smiling as he takes a look at all the decorations that hung on your dorm. Diasmonia had some wonderful looking gargoyles, no denying that, but they were all mostly dragons and other such creatures. Yours were a lot more creative, the gargoyles seemingly designed in such a way that anyone would feel welcome in Ramshackle but to not let their guard down.

Malleus knocked on the door twice and looked around, wondering just why all the lights were on. Your lounge lights were usually dim by this time of night and if he was lucky he would find you sitting outside staring up at the stars. Maybe that is your goal? Instead of him inviting you on a nightly walk, this time it would be you inviting him? 

How curious, why did the prospect of you inviting him anywhere get him this flustered. 

The door opening, revealing a rather happy looking Ramshackle prefect. “Hi.” 

“Good evening.” 

You both stare at each other for a little bit before you move out of the way, Malleus smiling as he thanks you for letting him inside. “Was it too cold out? Should I have made the interview earlier?” 

Malleus shook his head, “The cold doesn’t affect fae like it affects humans, this is our usual walking time anyway so I am used to this temperature.” 

Another beat of silence, Malleus’s eyes locking onto your fingers as they fiddle with the bottom of your shirt. “Was there a reason you needed me to come here, child of man?” 

You perk up and nod quickly. “Yes! A reason! A really important one, actually. Just…” 

He watches you nod to yourself as if coming to terms with your resolve. “Follow me to my room, please!” 

Interesting. You seemed nervous but the reason was not apparent to Malleus. Was his presence making you uncomfortable? No, then you wouldn’t have invited him here. It was something else then. Both of you jump when hearing a crash from the Lounge, Malleus turning around before looking back at you. “Is there someone--” “No nobody is here! I think it was just Grimm doing whatever he does around this time of night hahaha!” you take his hand and rush to your staircase, “Just follow me!” 

This...would have been considered an act of highest treason in the Valley of Thorns. Nobody in the kingdom would dare touch a royal so carelessly, least of all drag them somewhere. The person would be immediately killed where they stood. Yet Malleus couldn’t do anything but smile as you dragged him to your room, looking around and taking in the rather homely atmosphere of the dorm. There were a lot of mirrors here and there, a portal for the ghosts to travel through he guessed. Yet he could see bits and traces of you living here, clearly making the dorm your own. Just you living here, all by yourself. He wondered if you got lonely. Both of you stop at your room, Malleus stepping in and smiling at some of the trinkets laying around. Shells, playing cards, a color necklace, some round gemstones in a small bowl and books that he recognized from his first year in Night Raven. In each one he could see the bond you had made with the dorm leader of each dorm. 

He guessed that meant he would need to give you something as well. “Tsunotarou!” 

“Yes?” 

Malleus turns around only to see you holding out a small box to him, the box a glossy black with a small green bow on top.

“Happy Birthday.” you smile as he takes the box, “It’s not much. I don’t really have any way to make money but I scrounged up what I could and I think it is pretty decent!” 

“...” He stares at the box and then at you, the nervousness in your eyes clear and present as he takes the little box. “I’m sure you got cooler presents than this but I didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t give you anything.” 

Malleus nods at your words before putting the box down on whatever surface he could find. “Tsun--” 

Cold hands grab your wrists and pull you into his arms, Malleus smiling as he squeezes lightly in order to show that, yes, this was his first hug with a human and he was more than happy that it happened to be with you. “Thank you. I didn’t expect such a surprise.” 

You blink for a couple of seconds before smiling, digging your face in his shirt before pulling away. “Now I’m just embarrassed. You weren’t this smooth when I first met you.” 

He tilts his head, “I am not in my dragon form…” 

“No I meant--” 

“[Y/N!]” 

The door to your room busts open as Malleus feels you pull away from the hug, looking over at the intruder only to find that it was none other than the dorm leader of the Scarabia dorm. “Kalim--” 

“Kalim! You were supposed to wait downstairs!” 

“I know! I know but--Grimm accidentally set fire to one of your curtains and I tried to put it out with my Oasis Maker but now the entire lounge is wet! I suggested I get someone to help but Leona insisted that I just come get you because it sounded like the ‘Lizard’ was already here.”

Both you and Kalim look at Malleus as the other smiles. 

“He really can smell me from a mile away…” 

Kalim grins, “I guess so!” he looks between you and the Diasmonia dorm leader, “Was I interrupting something?” 

You quickly shake your head before turning to your fae friend. “I guess that surprise is ruined. I invited everyone to celebrate since I thought that maybe you guys would want to have a sort of ‘dorm leader’ celebration thing. Then the others showed up and it got a lot more crowded. Sebek, Silver and Lilia are here too, by the way. Honestly Grimm setting fire to anything was unprecedented but at least Ramshackle is still standing so….surprise?” 

Malleus smiles before laughing, Kalim joining in as you covered your face with your hands. 

“It is quite a surprise, to be fixing my own surprise party.” 

“Right? There is no bigger surprise than that! Come on! I want to get everything started already!” 

Kalim runs downstairs as you sigh and  walk out of your room, Malleus following close with the small box in hand. 

Whatever he wrote, he believed his Grandmother would be happy to see that he made such a wonderful new friend. 

[llycaons]

oh but i have to do mdzs / cql for the ask game

YESSS!!!

Favorite character: LAN WANGJI and WEI WUXIAN!!! lwj because he unlocked a new part of my brain and wwx because he's the most character ever. but they tie with jin ling today because I love jin ling he's my boy he's very very young and learning how to live and his flaws are endlessly endearing

Second favorite character: wen ning and wen qing! AND lan qiren because you know what I love that old man. he's made a lot mistakes but I think he does his best and he loves his nephews

Least favorite character: su she. why are you even here su she. ugh. also jin guanshan for being an asshole and treating women like shit and pressuring jyl to marry his son and manipulating jc and oh yeah. murdering thousands of innocent war prisoners for sport. fucker

The character I’m most like: wen ning but not as cool. also jyl.

Favorite pairing: well naturally it's the one I made a whole new tag for do I even need to say it. invented love and trust and intimacy and tenderness and growth and support and have that kickass red/black and white/blue color scheme and complement each other in everything they do and inspire each other to be better people...

Least favorite pairing: any incest or age gap one obviously (including lxc and jc, what are you ON) but also xxc/xy truly does make me ill. I also hate wq/jc but there aren't many (implied canon) pairings that inspire such revulstion in me as xxc and the man who manipulated him into murdering both innocent people and his best friend/beloved and mocked him for his ideals and was implied to be in a relationship w him under false pretenses. god. there are only a handful of good couples in this show anyway that aren't incredibly obscure and with people who actually meet (like uhhh wang/xian good, yang/qing good, song/xiao good, mm and her husband good...sang/cheng is okay I guess but it's not much in canon...lxc and nmj fine...yeah not a lot. oh shit I forgot the straights. jyl and jzx I do like)

Favorite moment: hard to say. not a lot beats the staircase confession scene. I think I've mentioned this, but I definitely saw it as a full romantic confession scene as well. beautiful beautiful coming together of the relationship, and resolution of one of the issues it's had since the beginning (lwj not having wwx's back in a way he really needs him to) the callback to wwx's own words the elevation of concepts and themes from the original work into an adaptation. brilliant. also I have to say the snow scene in 43 (?) was just gorgeous visually and so cathartic emotionally and the domesticity in that scene was so much and you can really tell how wwx is slowly healing from the past and how having lwj's support and love is so good for him and he's grappling with his grief and what's happened to him and what he's done and lost but he's not doing it alone! even if they haven't like said it out loud... scream

Rating out of 10: 9.5/10. I had to split this section up lmao

treat your girls better. plot's kind of a mess. the effects were really quite bad, though they didn't ruin the scene for me. qishan lava pits and the puppets were a bit on the worse side. lwj should have had more and bigger scars on his back and he should have been allowed to get bloody and dirty which is something that'll always bother me. I also wanted more scenes with him! I think the show didn't want to make him do too much outside of his novel self which is a shame because he could have used just a little more personality and color. the pathos of some scenes are overdone - like when the kids reunite after LP massacre. I was upset too but jyl stood there and cried for way too long imo. also I have a bit of an issue with the body diversity for the leads of this show as well (most shows do this, here in the US as well, so I'm not criticizing cql in particular) but the fans heaping praise on the actors for being literally underfed is so disturbing. (I'm looking at you, blog who's liking my shit with a title like "lwj tiny waist appreciation zone" sit down and think maybe)

but as a show I just think it's an absolute triumph. I do think it had respect for the source material (see the callbacks and references a novel fan would get) but wanted to make the story its own. I thought the way the romance was written into the narrative even while being censored was legitimately masterful, the cinematography had some really stunning shots, the character relationships and arcs are deeply satisfying and complex and tragic and hopeful, the music was excellent and integrated well into the story, most of the acting was incredible (special shoutout to zzj, xz, wzc, and wyb for playing jgy, wwx, jc, and lwj SO well my god), there was chemistry between the leads and between pretty much all major characters, the flashback structure is unique and compelling, and despite the overuse of cgi in some establishing shots I thought the sets for unclean realm, cloud recesses, and lotus pier felt both lived in/homey and fantastical. I said some of the emotional scenes are overdone but when they aren't, they're the kind of scenes that you think about for months. the emotional storytelling is incredible and the character work my god the jiang family alone...there's so much there to dig into

thank you penta! in terms of adaptations I just find it so fascinating as well

[trensu]

Episode 7: The One where At Last LWJ Sees the Light

We’re still in the cave of wonders, guys, and lan yi is doing plot exposition so we’re gonna skip that

Once Lan Yi is done laying down Plot, we have this cute exchange

Lwj: elder, as your descendent i pinky promise to complete this Super Important Mission 

Wwx: oh, same, me too!

Lwj: this is a LAN FAMILY MATTER and none of your business

Wwx: YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM HELPING

Wwx: and besides, since my grandmaster was besties with your ancestor that means that it’s practically my family matter too, so there

YOU’RE ALSO MARRIED NOW GUYS, REMEMBER, SO IT’S A FAMILY MATTER EITHER WAY

And now, drumroll please…

Our beautiful boys tumble out of the cave of wonders (while still tied together!!) and crash land onto the ground, with wwx oh so conveniently sprawled on top of lwj

THAT’S RIGHT GUYS

IT’S THAT TROPE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Lol lwj’s stunned face here

Wwx: I DIDN’T MEAN TO FALL ON YOU…! Oh hi jiang cheng

yep, jc’s here to ruin the moment (i love you jc, but you have horrible timing)

Wwx is so happy to see his brother, he greets him immediately and completely forgets about the fact that he and lwj are in a…compromising position

It’s adorable, really

Lwj: *glares with every ounce of Repressed Gay Rage in his body* GET UP RIGHT NOW.

Wwx: oh, right sure *totally unruffled bc he is shameless*

At this point we cut to the next scene which is still in the same place and with the same characters but now lwj has his ribbon back on his forehead

Ngl i’m kinda bummed we didn’t see him untie their wrists

It would’ve been hilarious since jc and wen qing wouldve been watching it all happen lol

like, i’m just picturing wq and jc being awkwardly silent as lwj unravels his ribbon from wwx’s wrist. wwx’s eyes would ofc be glued on lwj and he’d be babbling some inane thing or another

but we didn’t get that. oh well.

Oh, and here we find out that lwj and wwx were in that cave for one day and one night

Now that lwj is all put together again, we see wwx, jc, and wq have a conversation that i think counts as a wangxian moment

Jc and wq both start throwing questions at our boys about where they’ve been and what they were doing and all that

Lwj looks very uncomfortable about all the questions.

Lans don’t lie (supposedly; lwj is such a stickler at this point in his life he def doesn’t lie)

So wwx swoops in to ~rescue~ him!!

He answers all the questions by lying thru his teeth: oh yeah, we got lost and trapped and swam for hours and hours in an underground, waterlogged maze that definitely exists before we finally found a way out!! I almost froze to death (he says with a whine bc that’s just how he is lol)

Once he finishes answering all those questions he turns to share THE CUTEST LITTLE SECRET SMILE WITH LWJ. SO ADORABLE GUYS, HOW IS HE REAL

Lwj sees it and HAS TO LOOK AWAY

I CAN’T EVEN BLAME HIM BC IF WWX SMILED AT ME LIKE THAT (WITH HIS CUTE LITTLE BEAUTY MARK IN FULL VIEW!!) I WOULD’VE DIED.

JUST DROPPED TO THE GROUND DEAD.

IT’S TOO MUCH, IT’S TOO MUCH

Now we cut to a Plot Heavy Scene, featuring our boys and lxc and lqr, that is not relevant to this post at all EXCEPT I HAVE TO SAY OH GOD, LWJ LOOKS SO BABY-FACED HERE?? HOW?? HIS LITTLE FACE LOOKS ALL ROUNDED AND SOFT AND HIS LIPS ARE ALL POUTY. HE’S BEBY. I JUST WANT TO WRAP HIM UP IN BLANKETS AND GIVE HIM HOT CHOCOLATE

More plot discussion happens and whatever they’re talking about makes wwx bump shoulders with lwj and call him “my confidant” AKA MY SOULMATE AHHHHHHH

OH WAIT, do you know what else is important about this scene?

It shows how much taller wwx is than lwj!!! And I LOVE IT.

Lwj’s shoulders are a good two inches lower than wwx’s

WHY ISN’T THERE MORE FIC/ART SHOWING THIS??

I MEAN, THE STOIC SOLEMN CHARACTER IS SMOL AND THE SUNSHINEY CHARACTER IS GIANT. IT’S SUCH GREAT COMBINATION!!!

I think ppl in the cultivation world probs don’t realize how short lwj is bc he gives off such an intimidating aura i’m so jealous; i need to get myself an intimidating aura

Blah blah more plot, wwx promises not to tell anybody anything about the plot blah blah

Right after that, they bump into nhs who’s like, hey you guys were gone all night did anything weird happen?? (this is the guy who sneaks porn into this place on the regular, i’m pretty sure we all know what he means by “weird”)

Wwx: oooh, yeah, this super weird thing happened, let me tell you all about it

Lwj: *whips around to stare at wwx likE OMG SRSLY YOU JUST SAID YOU’D KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT*

Wwx: *proceeds to tell nhs a spooky lie about meeting a demon snake*

Nhs: *flees in terror bc he thinks snakes are scary for some reason* (they’re not, snakes are def cute critters)

Lwj: *exasperatedly rolls his eyes at wwx’s frankly amazing story-telling skills*

AND HERE WE GET TO SEE THE FIRST TIME LWJ STARES LONGINGLY AT WWX. LWJ, THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR MAIN HOBBY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Wwx runs after his brother and slings a playful arm around his shoulders and walks away without a second glance to lwj

Lwj stares soulfully at him, def noticing that wwx didn’t spare him a second look (poor bb lwj)

After a moment of Soulful Staring, his lips part as he lowers his gaze to the ground and decisively turns and walks off

INTERNALLY HE’S LIKE OFC WWX WOULDN’T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME SINCE I’M ALL STOIC AND REPRESSED BUT THAT’S FINE, IDC, I DIDN’T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM ANYWAY

POOR LWJ!! DOESN’T THIS MAKE YOUR HEART TWINGE???

Even more plot stuff happens

But they make it worth the wait because now we get to…

THE LANTERN SCENE (PART 1)

YES, YOU HEARD RIGHT.

WWX: lwj, we should set off a lantern and make a wish together since we’ve been thru so much together now

LWJ: *pulls a batman* I work alone 

WWXX: habits change!! Besides, i made this lantern specially for you~! *shows drawing of magic cave bunny on the lantern*

HERE WE GO GUYS, OMG, IT’S HAPPENING

Lwj looks at the lantern and, just, his face, ahhh, LWJ’S ENTIRE FACE GOES SOFT AND WE SEE HIM SMILE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE SERIES

FIRST!!

TIME!!

EVER!!!

AND IT ONLY TOOK 7 EPISODES!!

I’M DYING I’M D Y I N G

HIS LIPS PART AND THE SMILE JUST GENTLY BLOOMS ON HIS FACE, ILLUMINATING IT SOFTLY LIKE A FUCKING SUNRISE OR SMTH

FUCK IT’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL IT’S MAKING ME POETIC

GAHHH

NO WONDER HE NEVER SMILES

THAT SMILE COULD KILL PEOPLE IN THE BEST WAY

Ofc wwx has to ruin the moment by giggling at him and saying “hey you’re smiling!!”

Okay, guys, you know and I know that wwx is giggling from joy. Like yay!! I made lan zhan smile!! I did a Good Thing!!!

He is genuinely tickled pink about making his soulmate happy!

But remember, LWJ is the King of Repressed Gays here. So, you know, the laughter in his ears sounds mocking. Because he’s a dumb boy who can’t Emotion well yet.

LWJ reacts to the giggles by immediately grabbing his sword which startles wwx into stumbling back into the group behind him and the mood is effectively ruined

But just for a little bit!!

Then ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing in the background AND THEY SEND OFF THEIR LANTERN TOGETHER, WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT GENERALLY ONLY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED COUPLES DO 

as is shown by how everyone’s trying to get jyl and jzx (aka our token heteros) to send off a lantern together

The pair of them, need i remind you, are currently betrothed (even tho that dumb peacock doesn’t deserve her)

so yeah, that’s totally not gay at all

WWX makes his wish: “I wish to always stand with justice and live without regrets”

THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE MOMENT. 

THIS IS WHEN LWJ FALLS IN LOVE, I SWEAR

LWJ is watching wwx as he’s making that wish (more of an oath, really), and as soon as he hears those words, his eyes widen the way they do when someone gets hit with a life-altering realization. He’s completely thunderstruck 

IT’S NOT SUBTLE GUYS

YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE CUPID’S ARROW STICKING OUT OF HIS CHEST (OR WHATEVER ANCIENT FANTASY CHINA EQUIVALENT THERE IS)

THAT’S IT. HE’S A GONER. THERE’S NO ONE ELSE FOR HIM NOW. NO ONE BUT WWX.

For real tho, after this moment, we really don’t see lwj be angry towards wwx like he has been. Annoyed and exasperated at him, sure, but never angry in a petty mean way like before.

It’s beautiful

The next wangxian moment isn’t nearly as intense but it happens shortly after the lantern scene

Wwx goes to beat the shit out of jzx for saying he doesn’t want to marry jyl (because jzx is a moron and definitely deserves a beat down for this insult)

Wwx and jzx are surrounded by a group of loud, flailing people

And lwj just dives right into that throng of people to get to wwx (contrast this to a scene in a later episode where he actively avoids going anywhere near a much calmer, collected group of people bc ew people)

Lwj: *grabs at wwx* stop, wei ying

Wwx: DON’T STOP ME, LAN ZHAN, IM GONNA KILL THIS GUY DEAD IS2G

Next wangxian scene takes place the following morning

Lwj is walking along minding his own business and sees wwx kneeling as punishment for the fight before

He approaches him and calls out to him.

THIS IS IMPORTANT

This is the first time we see him willingly initiate interaction with wwx. Every other time, wwx was the one to approach him first and start to pester him for attention.

BUT LOL JOKE’S ON HIM. THE FIRST TIME HE DARES TO APPROACH WWX FIRST AND HE IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT

‘Oh hey lan zhan’ wwx responds to LWJ. ‘look at all these little ants i found on the ground!!’

‘OMG WWX YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE KNEELING TO REFLECT ON YOUR MISDEEDS NOT TO PLAY WITH ANTS. SO UNTEACHABLE’ *walks off in a huff*

Wwx is left pouting and saying ‘but the ants are so cute.’

I’M SORRY WHAT??

WHAT DID YOU SAY WWX?? ANTS ARE CUTE??

ANTS ARE NOT CUTE. 

YOU, WWX, YOU ARE CUTE. ANTS ARE NOT. 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

(i just really hate insects, guys, i would not get near them even if wwx was the one holding them)

(okay, maybe if wwx was holding them, i’d try to get near them, but idk how successful i’d be)

Blah blah more plot stuff happens, blah jin “can’t keep it in my pants* guangshan exists now blah blah 

Alright so now we have the jiang clan saying their goodbyes to the lan clan since i guess Ancient Fantasy China summer school is over maybe??? Idk, point is they gotta leave. 

As they leave, wwx starts to whisper at lwj “lan zhan, lan zhan, about that Plot Device…”

But gets tugged away by his fam, HOWEVER he manages to hear lxc telling lwj to be careful in that foreboding Important Plot Things Are Afoot sort of way

And wwx makes the effort to go back to talk to lwj but jc grabs him and yanks him out by the arm

Jc: are you crazy?? That guy hates you!! He must be happy you’re leaving

Wwx: LIES AND SLANDER, everyone here LOVES me

Idk about everyone, but lwj definitely loves him and jc knows nothing

now it’s THE RETURN OF WINGMAN LXC

The lan bros are watching the yunmeng sibs leave

Lxc: gosh, it’s gonna be quiet here without him, huh? (HIM, HE SAYS, NOT ‘THEM,’ HIM! BC HE TOTALLY KNOWS WHO LWJ IS ACTUALLY WATCHING)

Lwj: *looks down to the floor and refuses to answer*

Lxc: soooo…r u gonna tell him about your Super Important Mission?

Lwj: no. *walks away*

Jeez, he walks off on his big brother a lot, doesn’t he?? Rude. didn’t your parents teach you any manners? Oh wait that was an awful joke and i’m a terrible person, SORRY LWJ

AHHHHHHHHHHH WWX WITH THE BUNNIES!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Wwx: *holding a bunny* Bunny, are you gonna be happy hiding here??

Wwx: *pretending to be the bunny* Happy!! 

GUYS THIS SCENE IS JUST TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. 

I REWOUND AND WATCHED IT LIKE, 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE CUTENESS WAS JUST UGH I COULDN’T RESIST. 

HIS VOICE GOES ALL HIGH PITCHED THE WAY IT DOES WHEN YOU MAKE VOICES FOR YOUR PETS!! IT’S ADORABLE AHHHHH I DIE, I DIE

Wwx: maybe i should take you back to lotus pier with me…?

Wwx: hmm, no, i can’t do that. What if lan zhan gets lonely and comes here looking for you? He won’t be able to find you!!

This is literally what wwx said. Like, that was the deciding factor for not taking the bunny home. 

Lan zhan might get lonely. HOW SWEET IS HE. WWX, THE SWEETEST BOY, WHO’S SO IN LOVE AND DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT YET

Then as he’s bonding with the bunny he gets the epiphany that OMG LWJ IS GOING ON THAT SUPER IMPORTANT MISSION ALONE, WITHOUT HIM

And that’s the end of that episode. 

but we got to see the EXACT MOMENT LWJ falls in love for real. And it’s BEAUTIFUL. Not to mention the we were gifted the accidentally-falling-on-top-of-each-other trope. 

and we got bunnies! did i mention the bunnies and wwx being adorable together? because that happened.

Ah, this is the show that just gives and gives *wipes away tears* what did we do to deserve it?

Return to Masterpost

[trensu]

Episode 29: The One where WWX is the Grandmaster of Self-Loathing and It Kills Me

~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND ALREADY

WHICH MEANS WE’RE STARTING THE EPISODE WITH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS

Actually the whole episode has High Quality wangxiantics and then it guts you with depressing feelings ahahaha 

bc apparently we’re not allowed to have nice things without Suffering™

So they’re sharing a meal at some meal-selling place in Yiling (idk guys, is it a winehouse? a teahouse?? An inn??? DOESN’T MATTER)

Lwj and wwx are sitting on either side of the table looking somber

I guess they’re feeling awkward maybe??

Idk why, it’s weird

A-Yuan starts frolicking around lwj and wwx gets all antsy about it

He’s all hey, stop bothering lan zhan, come here!

And A-Yuan is all like, NO, I DON’T WANNA and clambers oNTO LWJ’S LAP

IT’S TOO ADORABLE

Wwx starts to scold him but lwj is like NO NO, THIS IS FINE

Wwx teases a-yuan

He’s all, oh, i see how it is, you’ll just chuck me to the side for anyone who’s willing to buy you stuff, huh?

Like i said before, a-yuan is a smart cookie

Then a-yuan takes a seat and goes to town on a bowl of soup.

I understand, a-yuan, i love soup too.

And then he calls wwx to get his attention SO HE CAN SPOON-FEED HIM A BIT OF HIS SOUP AND IT’S TOO CUTE 

Wwx is like, oh, so you DO still love me!

Lwj watches this go down and then informs A-Yuan very somberly of the lan fam rule “no talking during meals”

That’s RIGHT

LWJ JUST DAD’D THE HECK OUT OF HIM

A-yuan continues to chow down on his food but definitely stops talking

Wwx is offended and aghast that a-yuan obeys lwj so easily and he complains to lwj that he has to repeat himself SEVERAL TIMES before a-yuan listens to him

Lwj: silence during meals. You too.

Wwx just smiles at the ridiculous rule and continues talking

Wwx: you haven’t changed one bit. 

Wwx: you know, i know my way around this town, i can be your tour guide!!

Lwj pointedly does not take him up on his offer AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, IT’S NOT LIKE HE DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH WWX ANYWAY

Wwx: lan zhan, you’re a terrible liar. You aren’t in town for me, are you?

And still lwj doesn’t respond??? 

IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID LAN FAM RULE, ISN’T IT??

TALK TO YOU SOULMATE, DAMN IT

WHO CARES IF YOU’RE HAVING A MEAL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT

Wwx: you know, i was gonna invite you over to my place but if you’re just gonna nag at me about my demonic cultivation and how i should meditate or whatever, then forget about it

Wwx: i can control myself! I don’t need anyone to save me.

Lwj: wei ying

Wwx: lan zhan, i finally bump into someone i know who doesn’t try to avoid me...it’s been a boring couple of months, why don’t you tell me about any big events happening?

Lwj: what do you mean by big events?

Wwx: idk, like if there’s any new clans or if any clans expanded or made new alliances...just chit chat! Anything is fine.

Lwj: a marriage

Wwx: a marriage? Which clans? 

he sounds so excited to get some juicy gossip here

It’s not gonna last long

Lwj: the jin clan and jiang clan

Wwx: do you mean my sister---Lady Jiang and Jin Zixuan?

Oh god it HURTS

He corrected himself when he called jyl his sister

BECAUSE HE’S NOT PART OF THEIR CLAN ANYMORE

And then he plasters on a smile TO HIDE HOW HURT HE IS THAT THIS IS ALL HAPPENING WITHOUT HIM and asks when the wedding will be

WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE TWO WEEKS AWAY

And his face iS ALL SAD AND HE’S STILL TRYING TO MUSTER UP SMILES 

He’s all, such a big event and jc didn’t even try to tell me about it!

Wwx: even if he told me about it, what could i do then? I defected officially and have no ties to them. What could i do if he had told me?

Wwx: *chugs wine*

Alcohol, wwx, we’ve talked about the alcohol thing. Please stop drinking.

LWJ CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT HIM RIGHT NOW BC HIS SOULMATE IS HURTING AND THERE’S NOTHING HE CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER

Wwx: lan zhan, what do you think about this marriage? Oh, right, you don’t care about this sort of thing.

Wwx: i know everyone says that my sister doesn’t deserve jzx, but in MY eyes, that peacock doesn’t deserve her! 

He slams down his wine jar and his voice gets all upset 

And little a-yuan reaches out and grabs wwx’s wrist TO COMFORT HIM, PRECIOUS DARLING BABY

Wwx: She deserves the best man in the world!! JC and i promised her a grand wedding that would be remembered forever!! No other wedding would compare!!

Wwx: and it doesn’t even matter because i won’t be able to go anyway.

AND HE HAS THE SADDEST SMILE ON HIS FACE 

Obviously he takes another swig of wine here because alcohol makes everything better in wwx’s book, which is a lie but since when does anyone listen to me

Lwj: wei ying

And lwj was about to say something else but they get interrupted by wwx’s home alarm talisman informing him that’s something going down in the burial mounds

So wwx grabs a-yuan and dashes out the door

Lwj is quick enough on his feet to remember to pay for the meal and grab a-yuan’s toys (very important, very important, it’s why a-yuan likes him right now) and then follows wwx

Wwx: lan zhan, why are you following us??

Lwj: wei ying, where’s your Magic Ghostbusting Sword?

Wwx: uhhhh...i forgot it at home?

Lol, lwj doesn’t even bother to respond to that. He just grabs a-yuan and runs with wwx all the way back to the burial mounds

OH NO, THERE’S RESENTFUL ENERGY EVERYWHERE BEATING PEOPLE UP AND MAKING A MESS OF THINGS

Holy crap, wwx does this really impressive Dramatic Twirl and magically slams the resentful energy away

HE’S SUCH A BADASS

IT’S ALL IN THE ~TWIRL~ BABY

Lwj hands a-yuan off to granny while wwx gets the low-down

Turns out Wen Ning sort of woke up but is not, like, all there or smth idk

It’s sad seeing wen ning all violent and mean like this when he’s such a gentle soul :(

ON THE PLUS SIDE, we get to see wwx and lwj work together to save him!!

Surprisingly, the flying here is not super cringey, it’s only mildly awful

LWJ HAS GOT HIS GUQIN OUT AND PROCEEDS TO GUQIN THE HECK OUT OF WEN NING

Also, i love how it kind of looks like he “powers up” his guqin attack by making that circular motion over the strings? The accompanying music from that motion really makes it seem like it’s charging up. I like it.

While lwj is guqin’ing wen ning to stay in one place, wwx goes ninja-fast and slaps like, ALL the talismans on wen ning and activates them simultaneously

And between the two of them, they manage to save wen ning from being a mindless zombie forever!! I mean, he’s still a zombie but he’s got his mind back! EVERYONE’S REALLY HAPPY, INCLUDING ME.

Wwx to wen ning: how are you feeling?

Wn: i feel like crying

LOL ME TOO WN THAT’S USUALLY HOW I FEEL LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME THAT

Wn: ...but i can’t

Oh.

I take back my lol

Not being able to cry when you want to is actually super depressing.

Lwj: you did it *is impressed*

Wwx: of course! I’m a man of my word. Hey, since you’re already here, why don’t you visit for a bit?

Cut to wwx and lwj walking into the cave that wwx calls home

Lwj: ...it’s called the demon-subdue palace?

Wwx: YEP! I named it myself!!

Wwx: now, i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s a terrible name, BUT THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG

Wwx: see, i know everyone thinks i’m, like, evil or whatever and this is the place i sleep most often. 

Wwx: a cave with a demonic man lying down in it all the time? Of course it should be called demon-subdue palace lololol

Me: *facepalm* stop….stop naming things, wwx.

Wwx: let me show you around!

I would like to point out that they walk past the ONE BED in the cave to start the tour

This ONE BED in this SPECIFIC CAVE has featured in many a wonderful fic! And should continue to feature in many more wonderful fics

Wwx: this here is my Blood Pool! It’s where i heal up and buff my stats, just like you have your Cold Spring! Except mine has water that smells like blood and comes out of that creepy giant stone face thing

Lwj looks rightfully concerned

And also, i am offended on his behalf that wwx would compare this creepy ass pool to the cold spring. How very dare.

Oh man, they’re about to have a Serious Conversation

BUT IT’S BETTER THAN THEIR LAST SERIOUS CONVERSATION

Because this time they actually talk things out

(see, lwj can learn from his mistakes!)

Lwj: wei ying...can you really control it?

Wwx: control what? Wen ning? Of course I can! Look at him, he’s all better!

Lwj: what if he loses himself again?

Wwx: i’m a pro at handling his rampages now. As long as i have Plot Device 2, nothing will happen to him!

Lwj: but what if something happens to you or Plot Device 2?

Wwx: it won’t

Lwj: how can you be sure?

Wwx: it won’t and it can’t!

Lwj: you want to keep it this way from now on?

Wwx: what’s wrong with that? Don’t underestimate this land! It’s bigger than YOUR land and the food here tastes better too!

Lwj: wei ying, you know what i mean

Wwx: lan zhan, i’m trying to avoid the topic and you keep talking about it!!

Then their Serious Conversation gets derailed bc wwx starts coughing. Which might not seem like a big deal but it is

Lwj: your injuries…

And here lwj grabs at wwx’s wrist but wwx yanks it back real fast

Bc the wrist is where they check for spiritual energy or smth and we all know wwx doesn’t have that anymore, since he GAVE UP HIS GOLDEN CORE

Wwx: no need. Why use spiritual energy for such a small wound. I can just sit here and let it heal on its own

LOL, WE’RE GETTING A FUN BIT HERE TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THAT SERIOUS STUFF BEFORE

Wen Qing walks in and is all, what, my badass doctor skills aren’t good enough for you? I could totally heal you

Wwx: what are you doing here interrupting my date with lwj. Are you done crying already?

Wq: i’ll make you cry

Wwx: pffft, yeah right

Wq: *goes and hits wwx in the back*

Wwx: *coughs up blood*

Yeahhh, i wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with wen qing unless she asked me to and then i would happily do whatever she wanted

Wwx: you’re so cruel! *swoons like some maiden*

Lwj: wei ying! *catches him all gallantly*

WWX YOU LITTLE FAKER, YOU JUST WANTED LWJ TO HOLD YOU

And we know this bc wen qing pulls out her Very Scary Medical Needles and wwx wisely RUNS AWAY even tho he was all “passed out” two seconds before

And after that fun bit, the show makes me sad about tea somehow. I don’t even like tea.

Wwx is all, wen ning, why are you serving our guest water?? How embarrassing, go get the tea!

And wen ning is all, but there’s no tea??

Then wwx is like, well we gotta get tea for next time we have guests

There’s a hella awkward pause

Wwx: that’s right, we won’t have any more guests…

THIS STUPID SHOW IS GIVING ME FEELINGS ABOUT TEA

MY ONE TEA OBSESSED FRIEND HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL STUFF FOR TEA FOR YEARS WITH NO SUCCESS

AND THIS, LIKE, TWO MINUTE SCENE MADE ME SAD ABOUT TEA

Anyway.

We cut to the next scene which has wwx walking lwj out of the burial mounds and we’re getting another Serious Conversation

Wwx: lan zhan, you asked me if i intended to keep things the way they are now. Tbh, i also would like to know what else i could do besides this.

Wwx: give up my crafty tricks and turn over Plot Device 2? What happens to the Wens? Do i turn them in? I can’t do that.

Wwx: i believe if you were me, you wouldn’t be able to do that either

WHY IS HE SUCH A GOOD PERSON. WWX IS BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHER CULTIVATORS PUT TOGETHER

Wwx: can anyone give me any better options? One where i can protect those i want to protect without using demonic cultivation?

He says this so passionately. HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT PEOPLE. HE’S WILLING TO DO OTHER THINGS IF IT MEANS HE CAN STILL PROTECT PEOPLE BUT HE CAN’T!!! AND I AM DISTRESSED.

Lwj doesn’t say anything in response.

He knows wwx is right and there’s nothing he can do to make things better for him

Wwx: lan zhan, thank you for your company today. And thank you for telling me about my sister’s wedding

HE SAYS THIS WITHOUT LOOKING AT LWJ AND HE LOOKS LIKE EVERY WORD HIS HURTING HIM BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL WORDS HE’S USING TO SAY GOODBYE AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO LWJ.

And before i can start crying, A-Yuan appears to make me feel better!!!

He’s latched onto lwj’s leg again (bc i mean, honestly, who wouldn’t??)

And he’s asking lwj to stay for dinner!!

Wwx: a-yuan come here. Lan zhan has his own food at home. He won’t be eating with us here.

A-yuan: but i heard a secret! I heard there was going to be lots of tasty food today!

Wwx scolds a-yuan for half a second before turning to look at lwj WITH THE MOST HOPEFUL EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE

HE WANTS LAN ZHAN TO STAY FOREVER FOR DINNER TOO

But for some unfathomable reason lwj looks at a-yuan and says that he is leaving.

WHY

YOU WANT TO STAY THERE TOO

WHY MUST YOU TWO MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME YOURSELVES

Wwx gives this stiff, sharp nod like, yeah, of course of course, i knew that, this doesn’t kill me inside AT ALL

Lwj walks off and wwx + a-yuan make their way towards the burial mounds

A-yuan: will the rich man ever visit us again?

Wwx: what rich man?

A-yuan: the one from just now!

Wwx yoinks the toy butterfly from a-yuan’s hand here

Wwx: you really like him that much, don’t you?

And he holds the toy out of reach and teases him

A-yuan: give it back! He bought that for me

Wwx: no! I won’t give it back until you say i’m your favorite

And this entire adorable scene is being watched by lwj who is just a ways away 

I’d say he’s lurking like a creeper, but Hanguang-jun is too honorable and handsome to be called a creeper by anyone ever. 

BUT he is lurking. 

He looks all solemn

A-yuan tells wwx what he wants to hear and gets his toy back.

Unfortunately wwx’s distraction tactic didn’t work

A-yuan: so will the rich man come back or not?

Wwx: probably not

A-yuan: Why??

Wwx: there’s no reason why. In this world, everyone has their own paths to walk.

A-yuan: oooh

Lol, he nods like yeah, i totally understand what you’re telling me bc i’m a big kid who can know things. HOW CUTE!

AND HERE WE GET THAT QUOTE. THAT IMPORTANT ONE. THE ONE THAT IS LATER USED AS A PUBLIC LOVE CONFESSION.

Wwx: who needs the crowded, broad avenue? I’ll stick to my single-log bridge until it’s dark.

Lwj is still here, watching. And he hears wwx say this.

Lwj doesn’t turn to walk away for real until wwx and a-yuan are out of sight

HE WANTED TO SEE THEM FOR AS LONG AS HE COULD

I’M TOTALLY NOT TORN UP ABOUT THIS

I’M CHILL AND COLLECTED FOR REAL

Then we cut to wwx arriving back at the demon-subdue palace where there’s a surprise dinner party!! 

AND A-YUAN GETS SO ADORABLY EXCITED OVER THE ABUNDANCE OF FOOD, I LOVE IT SO MUCH i get excited about food too, a-yuan!!

This whole thing here is very sweet and this is when we really see wwx accept the wens as his family rather than as his moral obligation

As the @theuntamednarrator said, they gave him homemade liquor! That’s the one guaranteed way to our sunshine boy’s heart!!

It’s all super sweet, like i said, until wwx gets himself plastered. Then it takes a turn towards the Hella Depressing. 

I really want to skip over it because it really is HELLA DEPRESSING AND STILL MAKES ME LEGIT CRY ACTUAL TEARS EVERY TIME I WATCH IT 

but i can’t because it’s got some wangxiantics and this is a wangxiantics guide

So everyone at the dinner party drinks until they pass out, basically. 

Except for wen qing, who is completely sober, and wwx who is an alcoholic with an inhumanly high tolerance apparently

He’s all flushed and red-eyed tho

Wwx: wen qing, the first time i saw Lan Zhan was when i snuck Emperor’s Smile into the Cloud Recesses

He laughs here, remembering; it’s all cute here for a bit.

Wwx: it’s too bad you didn’t see his face, his stony face...but the emperor’s smile is really good. I wonder if i’ll ever get a chance to drink it again

And his entire demeanor changes here. He started out more or less cheerfully reminiscing about his first meeting with lwj but in that last bit his whole posture droops and he gets the saddest look on his face

Wen qing notices this, but is kind enough to pretend not to by focusing on wiping down that table.

Wwx: i’m a good for nothing

OH GOD

Wwx: i promised my sister i would help her hold the most splendid wedding in the world

FUCK, HERE COME MY TEARS

And wen qing fucking freezes here eVEN SHE KNOWS THIS IS GONNA HURT

Wwx: but now, i can’t even attend the wedding

Wwx: i’m completely useless, i am completely useless

SHIT, GOD DAMN IT, I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO CRY WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN TISSUES 

Wwx: i am completely useless

HAVE MERCY, HAVE MERCY ON MY POOR HEART, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

So while i’m fucking sobbing out every ounce of moisture in my body, we cut to the cloud recesses and we see lwj kneeling in front of a set of closed doors

(we’re not going to dwell too long on that because i’m already in fucking shambles from two seconds ago and i can’t handle any more Family-Related Sadness right now)

He’s on his knees, with his arms outstretched holding two long, heavy bamboo sticks

There are disciples scurrying around and avoiding the scene, like oh shit, better not get in the middle of that

Lwj’s head is ever so slightly bowed, still as a statue, and completely blankfaced

And we get ~their song~ BUT WITH VOCALS THIS TIME

THE FIRST TIME WE HEAR THE VOCALS WITHIN THE SHOW

YOU KNOW

THE VOCALS THAT ARE SUNG BY THE ACTORS PLAYING OUR BELOVED LWJ AND WWX???

YEAH

THOSE VOCALS

BECAUSE I WASN’T FEELING ENOUGH INTENSE EMOTION YET

The scene starts off in the daylight and we see him enduring this punishment 

HOURS go by bc it’s dark and there’s a good inch of snow accumulated around him by the time some random lan cultivator dismisses him

Lwj gets up GRACEFULLY (bc that is his default mode, i guess?? HOW??) and there’s a literal patch on the ground completely devoid of snow bc that’s how long and still he kneeled there for, holy shit.

And he walks away calmly

There’s no more wangxiantics in this episode

But show-runners decided they didn’t want to COMPLETELY DESTROY OUR SOULS just yet so they give us an anticlimactic but kind of cute ending to the episode 

We get to see that there are “yiling patriarch disciples” who are actually frauds in terrible cosplay trying to sell mediocre talismans at high prices

and wwx is all “who the heck are these guys, wait, i don’t actually care”

We get to see that the wens are slowly starting to prosper in their little corner of the burial mounds

Also, somebody built a shrine and left food offerings at the entrance to the burial mounds?? Which, hey, wwx doesn’t say no to free food and neither do i because what kind of crazy person turns down free food??

And, i mean, that’s basically it?? Like i said super anticlimactic

SO WHO ELSE HERE IS SITTING IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS NOW? ANYBODY?? ANYBODY???? PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME CRYING BY MYSELF, THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC, I CAN’T HELP IT IF I HAVE A HEART FULL OF FEELINGS

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