#buy case study assignment

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

To love me better

Tags: Yakuza Lord!Sukuna x fem!Reader, american!Reader, forced/arranged marriage, dark romance trope, dead dove, age gap romance (reader is around 21-22, Sukuna is 37), cursing, suggestive language, use of nicknames like “doll”, use of y/n, NSFW, MDNI, Sukuna is his own warning.

Synopsis: Yakuza Lord!Sukuna owns all of entertainment district. You’re trying to work to put yourself through law school. He has a proposition for you, and you have one for him. Chaos ensues.

An: Professor Higuruma has entered the chat. I’m sorry this part is a little short, but if I included the next scene in this part, it would be WAY too long.

Part one. | Part two. | Part three. | Part four. |

*art creds for sukuna image goes to @.maru6 here on tumblr

You’re starting to believe that you dreamt the whole marriage negotiation with Sukuna.

It had been nearly a week since he sat you down in his office, and he’s been radio silence ever since. So, maybe you dreamt it all, or perhaps he decided against the whole marriage thing. If that was the case, you needed to start looking for other jobs.

Your Friday afternoons were reserved for Higuruma’s criminal law class. You sat at your desk, typing away on your computer that your student loan paid for. It was second-hand from a different girl who had just passed her bar exam. Her parents bought her the newest MacBook on the market as a present.

When you passed your bar exam, you’d probably buy yourself a two thousand yen cake from the grocery store. Maybe you’ll even splurge and spend five thousand yen on an ice cream cake.

You halfway hear your professor assign a plethora of readings spanning from case files to different codes of law.

"It's a good thing C's get degrees, huh?" a sheepish playful voice whispers from beside you. Your eyes glance over towards the guy next to you. You're able to immediately recognize him as Yuji Itadori.

Before Sukuna, you only took notice of Yuji since he tried to make friends with everyone, regardless of social status. Even if you've barely spoken with him, you feel a sort of kinship with him.

Now, your eyes immediately fix on his soft pink hair. While Sukuna's felt more like a dusty rose color. Yuji's was brighter -- untainted from crime.

"Is a C going to help you pass your bar exam though?" you whisper back softly, giving him a smile.

"You're so cruel~" Yuji softly whines as he dramatically slumps back into his chair. You quietly laugh from his theatric display. "And here I thought you'd be so kind and offer to help me study..."

You glance back towards him before scanning everyone else in the lecture. The majority of the other students were dutifully taking notes.

"Uh... why me?" You ask, cocking your eyebrow at the male before you realized how rude that probably sounded. "I mean, why would you ask me for that? Wouldn't you be better off asking the top performers in our class?"

"One of those pretentious jerks? Give me a break," Yuji rolls his eyes as he leans towards you. He's not too close to make you uncomfortable, just close enough to whisper without disturbing anyone. "Besides, you seem nice. Also, we sit beside each other everyday. Aren't those good enough reasons?"

Before you could even think to reply, Higuruma addressed the entire class. It was the end of the lecture period.

“Alright everyone, please remember to have a safe weekend and to stay out of trouble,” Professor Higuruma says from the forefront of the class. Students immediately begin to gather their belongings and shuffle out of the lecture hall.

"Let me know what you decide next week!" Yuji said as he rushed out of the door like he couldn't get away from the academic setting fast enough.

You finish up a few quick edits on your notes before saving them and promptly sliding your laptop into your bag. You thought about checking your phone to see if Sukuna had left you any cryptic messages, but you decided against it. It’s not like you were desperate or anything.

“Ah, Y/n, do you mind staying for a bit? I would like a word with you,” Higuruma’s voice spoke up. He wasn’t nearly as loud as he could be while lecturing.

Your body tenses as you slowly pull your messenger bag over your shoulder. “Sure…” you respond hesitantly.

He knows. He knows that you’re practically engaged to a yakuza lord. He knows that you’ve been dancing dangerously close to sin at Malevolent Mass. He’s going to report you to student affairs. He’s—

Your mind swirls with all of your thoughts Your brain was running so fast you could barely keep up.

The last student leaves the lecture hall, and you can hear the soft sounds of the second hand ticking from the clock mounted to the wall.

Your steps are slow and calculated. Higuruma was at his desk, collecting papers into his bag. He then looked up at you and gave you a calm, fond smile.

You try to ease your weary heart, telling yourself that he’d look much less happy if he had caught onto you.

"I apologize. I'm sure you must be busy," he starts out as he finishes packing up his bag. He straightened his posture, having to look down at you now that he wasn't hunched over. "I wanted to just touch base with you about your paper."

"Oh okay," you inwardly let out a huge sigh of relief, but your curiosity soon resurfaced. "What about my paper?"

"Don't worry. It was a great paper, y/n. I have read summations from licensed attorneys that pale in comparison to your paper." You narrow your eyes at him, feeling a gnawing sensation of anxiety sink in.

"But..?" you prompt.

Higuruma gives a knowing smile, appreciative of your inquisitive nature. "But I was wondering what made you write about spousal privilege... The last I checked you were looking to be civil litigation attorney -- not a criminal defense attorney. So, why would you want to research something like spousal privilege?"

You swallow thickly. You had found interest in spousal privilege due to your arrangement with Sukuna. Spousal privilege allowed for wives and husbands to refuse to testify against their spouse if it would indict their spouse on any crime. There were specifications on this law, and there were certain instances were spousal privilege couldn't be upheld. Overall, Japan looked to uphold the sanctity of marriage, and you looked to uphold your image by not being called to testify against your husband one day.

"Oh... I just found it to be interesting. I think it's good for all attorneys to be well-rounded, right?" you finally respond, giving your best attempt at bluffing the criminal defense attorney Hiromi Higuruma.

"You're most certainly right." He places his messenger bag on his shoulder. "I was just looking forward to you switching majors. It'd be a pleasure to steal one of Kento Nanami's best proteges."

You feel your face warm from his overzealous compliment. You were definitely not one of Nanami's best students. Still, you enjoyed the praise.

"I'm sorry to disappoint," you give a small laugh, consciously making an effort to joke with him naturally.

“Disappoint? No, no, you impress me.” His eyes meet yours, and for the first time since starting school, you see him for who he is. He had been nothing but kind, patient, and nurturing. He cared a lot about the subject he taught, and he tried his hardest to help his students learn.

Criminal defense attorneys get a bad wrap for being arrogant and pretentious to a degree, and that’s not exactly a lie either. You’ve seen Higuruma in court before. You know his persona can overwhelm a courtroom easily with his confidence.

“I really appreciate that, Mr. Higuruma.” You drop his gaze, letting your eyes rest upon the floor as a small smile curled up on your lips.

“You can call me Hiromi when we’re not in class,” Higuruma said as he walked towards the door. He held his hand out for you to follow him. “Well, if you ever have any doubts about civil law, please let me be the first to know. I’d love to have you on the criminal law side.”

You follow beside him closely, and you feel a warmth rush your cheeks as Hiromi hovers his hand over the small of your back. He wasn’t exactly touching you, but you could feel him there — guiding you.

“I promise I’ll come to you first if I ever want to betray Mr. Nanami,” you laugh softly, but your mind is racing, wondering where he was guiding you.

Coincidentally enough, a tall muscular figure with blonde hair was walking towards you two in the hall. “Who’s betraying me?” Nanami asked as he walked closer towards you and Hiromi.

Your eyes flicker back and forth between Nanami, Hiromi, and the girl who was standing beside Nanami. You took a moment, trying to place her here as a student, but you came up short.

“Stop trying to steal my students away from me,” Nanami lightheartedly scolded Hiromi with an eye roll.

“It’s not stealing if she decides to leave civil law on her own volition. I’m simply showing her the good side to law,” Hiromi responded. You feel your back arch a bit underneath his touch as his hand rested against your back now with more casualty.

“Ah yes, the good side. Also known as the side who gets troublemakers off the hook. Don’t forget, y/n. Civil law is all about holding people accountable. Criminal law is about being the least accountable,” Nanami said with a calm smile. Your eyes wandered towards Nanami’s hand, noticing it was also placed on the young woman’s back. What was going on here?

“Alright. That’s enough from you,” Hiromi warmly laughed. It was a laugh that put your nerves at ease. Still, your skin crawled where his hand was placed. Your mind flashed back to the club, remembering how it felt when Sukuna had his hand in that exact spot, guiding you to his office.

Sukuna’s touch oddly felt like a warm security blanket, while Hiromi’s touch felt like static electricity building. You knew you were about to get shocked.

“Miss Nanami, it’s always good to see you.” Hiromi bowed slightly with respect. You feel the weight of realization set in on you. That was Nanami’s wife who he was touching like that.

“You as well,” Nanami’s wife responded fondly.

“Alright. Let’s go, Destinee, before Hiromi also tries to indoctrinate you into some sort of criminal law degree.”

Hiromi merely laughed before guiding you away from Nanami and his wife. You felt your heart start to thud in your chest. Where was he leading you?

“You don’t have any other classes today, do you?” Hiromi asked as he looked to his side. He had to crane his neck downwards to look at you thanks to the size difference.

You bit your lip slightly out of nervous habit, wondering if you should lie to him. His hand felt heavy on your back, and a weird sensation of guilt was pooling in your stomach. You weren’t even exactly committed to Sukuna yet since you hadn’t signed whatever contract, but you two have a verbal agreement.

You had already begun to feel some sort of loyalty to the yakuza lord, and maybe that was because you knew he wouldn’t take seeing Hiromi’s hand on you lightly.

Still, you reminded yourself that your professor hadn’t done anything wrong yet. The hand on your back could be seen as a supportive touch. Perhaps he didn’t know how he was coming off right now.

“No, I was going to use the rest of today to write a paper for my economics class,” you say finally after a beat of silence.

“Aren’t you such a good student? Are you struggling in any of your classes?” he asked as he reached out and opened up the door for you. Your eyes blinked as you had to adjust to the afternoon sun beating down.

Maybe he was just walking with you out towards the parking lot. You quirked an eyebrow as you realized this was the staff parking lot though. Your dorm was in the complete opposite direction.

“Uh.. well, not really..” you replied sheepishly, trying to soothe your nerves. This just kept getting worse and worse by the second. “My lowest grade this semester is copyright law.”

“Mmph, yeah, that one is unnecessary tedious. You’ll rarely work on cases of copyright infringement,” Hiromi nodded thoughtfully. “Listen, I know it’s easy to get caught up with being a law student, so I was wanting to know if you wanted to grab a bite to eat together. We can chat about whatever you want whether it be about school or—“

A loud roar of an engine and tires squealing into the parking lot completely cut Hiromi off. You instinctively jumped back a little out of fear that the car was going to ram right into you.

A car that didn’t even look like it belonged on regular civilian streets came to halt right in front of where you and Hiromi were standing. The engine purred lowly as it sat idly in the parking lot.

Hiromi furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at the car. No professor had the money to afford a Maserati GT2 Stradale.

Your eyes admired the car in front of you. In all of your time of living, you had never had the luxury of seeing such a car. It was completely blacked out, but in the direct sun, a subtle deep red tint shined through. It was flip painted. It was your saving grace — your prince charming. The license plate on the front read, R. SUKUNA.

The butterfly car door opened upwards, and you held your breath. You had never been more happy to see Sukuna in your life, yet you also felt confused. How did he get into the staff parking lot..? It was guarded by security.

Slowly, your future husband stepped out of the car, rolling up the sleeves to his black button-up top. Even while you were outside, Sukuna’s dominating presence filled the air.

“Can I help you, sir?” Higuruma asked, his face hardening at Sukuna. You wondered what he must be thinking about all this. Did Hiromi know about Sukuna’s status? He is a defense attorney, so it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility.

“No, but she can,” Sukuna gave a feline grin as he held out his hand and curled his finger towards himself, beckoning for you to come with him.

You took a deep breath, knowing that you really couldn’t refuse Sukuna. Also, you didn’t want to know what getting dinner with Hiromi would lead to.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Maybe a rain check?” you said as you gave a polite smile up towards your professor. His eyebrows furrowed, mouth slightly agape as he looked down at you.

As soon as you went to peel yourself from his side, Higuruma suddenly grasped your arm. It wasn’t enough to hurt you, but it was firm enough to stop you dead in your tracks.

“You can tell me if you don’t feel safe with him. You can give me some sort of nonverbal cue..” his voice was low enough for only you to hear. You were briefly taken aback by Hiromi’s kindness, but you also found it ironic how you felt less safe when it was just you and him.

“I’m fine.”

Sukuna watched interaction, and he cocked an eyebrow. He felt an unfamiliar tight feeling in his chest. The thought of him untucking his gun from where it was concealed in his waistband crossed his mind briefly, but he decided against it quickly. It would cause too much of a scene. Too many variables.

“Hiromi Higuruma, is it?” Sukuna asked, but he already knew the answer. “The famous criminal defense attorney who spends his free time teaching other future aspiring attorneys. How kind of you.”

“That’s me. I’ll ask again. Can I help you?” Hiromi’s hand hadn’t unwrapped from your arm yet. His jaw was tight as his dark eyes looked at Sukuna with suspicion.

“You can start by letting go of my wife.” Sukuna said as he took a step closer. His hands were shoved in his pockets, giving off a confident display. You could see the curvature of his muscles bulging through his shirt as if he didn’t already look big enough.

Hiromi’s eyes slightly widened as he looked down at you. All of the admiration and praise had melted from his gaze. You felt your heart drop to your stomach. It was as if you had disappointed him in some form or capacity.

He silently let go of your arm, conceding in the battle with Sukuna over you. “Nonverbal cue,” he muttered to you, still cautious that you’re maybe being forced to do this.

Little does he know, you’re the one who proposed marriage to Sukuna.

You walked straight towards Sukuna, not daring to look back at Hiromi as you didn’t think you could handle the look on his face.

Sukuna immediately enveloped your smaller body in his arms, giving you a hug that could only be described as a hug that a husband gives his wife. He had to lean down to fully hold onto you. You shivered as his nose and lips just barely brushed against the crook of your neck.

Your arms could barely wrap around him, hugging him back to fulfill the facade of being a happy wife. Your face was tucked into his chest, and his cologne assaulted your nose. His scent was deep and heavy with notes of cedar wood, leather, and tobacco.

Despite this being a facade, it felt safe and secure. Nothing could touch you right now.

In all of his time of working with accused criminals, Hiromi had never felt true fear until Sukuna’s eyes met his while he looked over your shoulder. He could practically see the red hues of Sukuna’s eyes darken as he stared him down. Hiromi could feel Sukuna marking you as his territory. It felt like time stood still for everyone.

“Let’s go, sweetheart. I have reservations for us,” Sukuna’s dark gravely voice broke the silence, and Hiromi watched as Sukuna placed his hand on your hip, guiding you over to the passenger side seat. He opened the door for you and made sure you were settled before shutting you in.

Sukuna shot one last glare in Hiromi’s direction before he got into the driver’s side and sped off.

Hiromi let out a deep sigh. How did such a pretty young student like you get caught up in this? His fingers came up, and he pinched the bridge of his nose as he pulled out his cellphone. He had to report this, even if it put you as risk.

It took several rings for the phone to pick up. “Yeah?”

“Gojo? Sukuna was just at the school. He was heading north.”

The other end of the line promptly went dead.

Taglist: @theuniversesnepobaby @lizatonix @starmapz @everywonuu @totallygyomeiswife @sukubusss @depressiondiaries @t4naiis @hishearttohave @soraya-daydreams @lulunx @s-1-xx @el-lise @prettyngeto @marifujioka @iheartlinds @gina239 @actuallynarii @shxyxyxxxx @krispycreamepie @emoedgylord @nina-from-317 @pandabiene5115 @paintedperidot @dissociativewriter @lmaoshush @ninani-nanina @sadrna @boisenberry77 @tojifush @erwinawesomeness @meanwhilesomewhereelse @safasz @kassfunk19 @moncher-ire @gradmacoco @riahlynn-102 @diduzzula @juiceeypeach

[raven-cincaide]

Post-Canon! Megumi is a university student. His friends think he needs a break from all the curses and fighting so he can finally heal. Yuji says its a chance for Megumi to find the person who'll Megumi want to live for. Nobara says that even if he doesn't find anyone, they've already sacrificed so much; they need some kind of backup plan in case they ever need to leave the front lines. In truth, Yuji and Nobara just want to spend their youth exploring normal human things, and Megumi honestly can’t fault them. He doesn’t understand it but he doesn’t want to be left behind. So he tags along because.. well.. what else is he supposed to do?

Post-Canon! Megumi doesn’t know what to study. So he picks up a little bit of everything. He creates a schedule that fits his self-applied expectations and overachieving tendencies, going well above and beyond full-time studies. He keeps his mind occupied so he doesn't have to think about how hard it is to blend in, make new friends, and be human. (Un)fortunately, Yuji and Nobara don't let him avoid the campus life forever. 

Post-Canon! Megumi builds a routine he finds satisfactory which includes studying, gym, late night parties and nerdy book clubs. Hell, he picks up anything that makes him forget about curses and being a sorcerer. He promised himself he would be 'normal' while at uni and he made a promise his friends. University life may not be Megumi's calling but he wasn't about to let his friends down. So he does everything to avoid being tempted back into that life.

Post-Canon! Megumi notices you the second you enter one of his classes. He can tell you are a sorcerer. Instantly, he decides he wants nothing to do with you. He tries to make himself invisible, hunches down, pretends to read a book. Despite his closed body language, his eyes flicker over to you occasionally, although he quickly catches himself and goes straight back to reading. 

Post-Canon! Megumi is surprised when you approach his desk- one of the few remaining seats near the front. He is more surprised when you politely ask if you can sit beside him even though he doesn’t own the seat. It makes him unsure, fascinated, yet flustered. “Sure”, he replies, then a second later, grabs his bag, stands, and walks out of the class. He leaves minutes before the start, skipping his first class ever. He knows he’s being rude; he knows he undoubtedly embarrassed you. But he can’t get mixed up with Jujutsu- not when he started liking uni.

Post-Canon! Megumi swears he sees you everywhere and avoids you like the plague. Yet his eyes always seek you out, and his brain takes note of every little thing about you, from the casual sweatpants and hoodie you wear to morning classes to how you’re dolled up at late-night parties. Your laugh, your make-up, the perfume you wear, depending on your mood- he notices it all. He feels all sorts of emotions when he sees you yet squelches those in the far back of his mind. No, he keeps his distance even as you get close to Yuji and Nobara. If you three are eating together, he’ll skip lunch, if you three are hanging out, he’ll cancel last minute. Sometimes, his friends let him get away with it- but more often than not, Yuji or Nobara see right through him and force him to sit beside you. And the awkwardness can be cut through with a knife. 

Post-Canon! Megumi notices when you’ve been out hunting curses. It’s the faint linger of cursed energy and the distinct smell if death on you that he pickles up. He notices when there’s a tiny limp in your step. He notices when you’re tired and when you’re practically burned out; the way your eyes drop during the teacher's lecture; the way you scribble down your homework mere minutes before submission, or the way you stress about not being able to buy the course literature before the first assignment is due by poking at your lunch and not answering Nobara. So he leaves his books out before going to the bathroom, knowing Yuji and Nobara will push you to take pictures of the few pages you need.

Post-Canon! Megumi swears he is done with being a sorcerer and that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with curses. Yet when he sees you stumbling out of your dorm room, in your jujutsu get-up, barely able to keep your eyes open, he can’t help the pang of worry in his chest. He swears he is done being a sorcerer, even as his feet carry him to follow you.. 

[narcjsistx]

— FALSE LEADS, TRUE LIES

ও sae itoshi!detective x fem!reader

ও plot: a detective finds himself having to move country to solve a case that was assigned to him by an anonymous user but who paid him very well. arriving on the scene he discovers that he will have to solve the case with the local detective, who is a woman he knows nothing about, maybe

ও warnings: mentions of murder ; a headless body ; physical violence ; slightly suggestive. nothing is written in detail, in fact, it's a rather light mention of all of them!! but if you don't think you can read don't worry, stay safe <3

ও 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!

The heat was something impossible, perhaps unknown. Tokyo was not the tropical city par excellence, often the heat was only present in the height of summer, in the months when school kids spent their entire afternoons near the lakes or on the soccer fields kicking a ball. Sae had spent his childhood like this too, in the summer. He spent hours on the fields near his house with his younger brother Rin, hours that ended only when their mother's voice reached their ears, so loud that it covered a distance equal to a kilometer, from their house to the field. He fondly remembered those years, so far away, in their beloved Kanagawa prefecture. But years had passed, he hadn't seen a soccer ball for decades and he no longer lived in Kanagawa but in Tokyo, because of his job. Rin was no longer his little brother, or rather he still was, but he was now a 20 year old man and worked as a psychologist in a sophisticated office in Yokohama. He too surely still held on to those memories, maybe he too missed the feeling of living in a city with the sea. But growing up and working were parts of life, they were both adults now and above all with jobs that they liked and that gave them a more than decent living income

At least, that's what Sae had thought since he moved to Tokyo three years ago. The money was coming in, but the cases to solve were always so basic that they bored him, cases that he honestly couldn't understand why the local police asked him to solve. The questions were always the same, missing teenagers who were found a few kilometers away from their homes, often with friends or with their secret partner: they ran away scared for stupid reasons, like not having received enough money from their parents to buy something absolutely useless. He solved the cases because that was his job, but there was no longer the spark of years ago, the one that just out of the university of crime had pushed him to accept the first job offer that took him kilometers away from home. He had graduated with the highest grades in his entire year, and the local Tokyo police had immediately called him, first sending into retirement the detective who had been there before, an old professor of Sae. So far he hadn't had the thrill of a special case, a case that could make him use all the skills he had studied at university, a strange case like his professors said they had faced in their careers before teaching

The best feeling for detectives was going crazy. It was a phrase he had once heard from a professor, but it had stuck in his head for some reason he did not know. Sae wanted to go crazy, to bang his head against a wall so many times just because he did not understand how to solve a case so complicated that it was considered illegal. Behind his emotionless facade, he just wanted to feel the sensation of being able to scream just because the investigation was not yielding results. He wanted to have a case so complicated that it could drive him crazy, crazy to solve it. He came close to that feeling only once, three years ago, but he doesn't have a good memory of that moment, as important as it was on a human level. It was the first and last time he used his wits, and not to solve a case. However, this case had not yet arrived and the police office had not responded to his emails for a few days. Even though the office was only a half hour subway ride away, Sae preferred to wait in his office for someone to answer rather than go there in person and be assigned to yet another case where all he had to do was read the information carefully. He was lazy, in that way

Today was yet another day without a response. He had entered his office half an hour late, sipped his coffee bought in the bar under his apartment and spent the morning reading a magazine, specifically an article by an old professor of his, now the director of the crime section of the city of Osaka. He had been rereading some old files of some crimes assigned to other detectives affiliated with the local police, and so his day had passed boringly, until the closing time of his office, at 9:30 PM. Nothing new, just new dust to remove and that tomorrow he would remove, if he remembered

Before he closes the door, a ringing sound floods the room, alive as a human being. Sae raises an eyebrow, reentering the room and closing the door behind him: it was probably the police office that had finally deigned to answer him, even if not by email. He walks over to the phone and puts it to his ear "Sae Itoshi, detective affiliated with the public anti crime service of the city of Tokyo. How can I help?" he says repeating the same phrase, which he has now learned by heart without stammering. The silence coming from the other end of the phone is a bit strange, but it is not the first time that the police have appointed an incompetent as secretary in charge of phone calls. Sae slams his foot into the floor, placing his other hand on his hip "Tokyo Police? Tachibana, I already told you, to talk on the phone you have to press the black button on the ri-" he says annoyed, but the voice that interrupts him is absolutely not that of the secretary from last time "Tokyo... I'm speaking to... Sae Itoshi? The detective?" a female voice says stuttering, and Sae tilts his head a little, puzzled but curious "Yes, ma'am. Can I help you?" he asks, genuinely curious as to why a woman who isn't his mother is calling him at this hour

The voice sighs slowly for a few seconds that seem eternal. Sae has never received prank calls, but if this is the first, he has no problem answering rudely to a woman. Curiosity quickly turns to annoyance "Ma’am? Do you need anything?" he asks again, and the woman nods feebly "I need help. No one in town wants to solve this case… I don’t know why. They hate it. But I need to find out the truth, please" she says almost pleadingly, and his attention tightens a little when he hears that no one wants to solve this case he don't know anything about yet. Is it so boring that the local detectives don't want it, or is there something else going on?

"Can you tell me more?" he asks, and the woman nods "I can, but you have to come to the place. I don't like to talk about it on the phone, it's a delicate situation" she says, and Sae nods "Okay. Which prefecture of the city are you calling from? Kanagawa?" he asks, and there's a moment of silence before the woman answers "Madrid. Spain" she says, and Sae's mouth opens a little in shock. Why were they calling him from the other side of the world? Madrid was the capital of a European country, so far away from Japan and Tokyo. Was it a joke? Did he really have to answer badly to this woman?

"Ma'am, I think you've definitely contacted the wrong detective. I'm a Japanese detective and most importantly-" he says bluntly, but the woman interrupts him "I know, I know! I'm not making a mistake, I called the person I wanted to call. I wanted to call you, Sae Itoshi" she says, and Sae's patience is slowly disappearing, especially since by now he should already be home with a bowl of white rice on his table "I can't solve a case from another country, ma'am. Spain is far away and I have work to do here, so please end the call before I do it" he says, but the woman sighs, starting to cry and this stops the boy "Please, I know I called the right person. You have to solve this case, I know you're an expert in this field and no one wants to solve it. I need the truth and you, Sae" he says sobbing, and this stops him completely

Even when he was a child he had never made anyone cry, crying was something he hated and hated creating. Yet now a complete stranger was crying just to make him solve a case, one he also knew nothing about. Police rules didn't allow him to move country for his job, but still the cops hadn't shown up for days. Furthermore, the woman's anxiety told him that perhaps this case was worth studying. He had never been to Spain, after all, even if it had all turned out to be a joke, he would have spent days visiting Madrid. But the money hadn't been contested yet, and before he even asked, the woman was already talking "I'll pay for everything, from the flight to the hotel. Everything, food, transportation. I can give you a million if you solve the case" she says with a firm voice, and that sum seemed to be only the official invitation. He would have earned a million with three years' salary, a sum like that was seen only once in a lifetime, and above all there were good premises that this case would have been really interesting. He wouldn't have said anything to the police, they weren't answering anyway, there was no need to warn them

"Maybe I can help you" Sae says, and the woman on the other end of the phone seems to stop sobbing "Really? When can you come?" she asks, and he checks the time on the wall clock "It's 10:00 PM now, I'm going to the airport tomorrow morning and I'll ask them to find me a flight for the next day-" he says, reasoning, but the woman interrupts him again "There's a flight in an hour. I want you to take that one" the woman says, and hangs up. Sae looks at the phone in confusion, his face frowning as he notices that the woman's number is private and cannot be seen. Before he can put his phone down, a notification alerts him that a plane ticket has just been booked in his name, and has already been paid. The boy sighs, before running home, literally with the minutes counted

Fifty minutes later he is sitting on an expensive plane, the best amenities at his convenience. Packing two suitcases in twenty minutes was like running an obstacle course, but he did it thanks to the muscle memory of when he was a child, when he only remembered at the last minute to pack his backpack for school. He tried calling the number or texting him, but for some reason he now seems unreachable. He still thinks that this is all a prank organized by someone down to the smallest detail, perhaps by Rin himself who he hasn't heard from for at least two weeks. He has never been to Spain and at the same time he never thought he would go there because of his job, which in the space of an hour forced him to temporarily throw his life in Tokyo away just for something he knows nothing about yet. Why the Spanish detectives don't want to solve this case? How does the woman know him, even though she lives in Spain? Is he famous for some reason he knows nothing about? Why he accept the offer, which just seems like a scam?

No one knows about his departure, not even his parents who are supposed to go to his house in a week to spend time together. When the plane finally takes off, the lump in his throat seems to tighten a little. Usually he spends the journey from his office to the scene of the case studying the information he has, but here he has nothing beyond the fact that it is important to an unknown woman, probably around his age if not even younger. Maybe he was stupid to have accepted this without tracing the number while it was calling him, something that the police often do and that he technically could do too, since he studied it at university

After thirteen continuous hours of flight in which he only managed to swallow some obviously chemical chicken, the warm sun of Madrid kisses his face. The airport is obviously crowded, and as he tries to get his suitcase back, he notices on his phone that it's almost lunch time now. Searching for his suitcase he repeats in his mind the few sentences he remembers from the grammar book he read while flying, but everything now seems so different. People are loud, they have no problem laughing out loud and bumping into him without apologizing, it's completely different from his silent and reserved Japan. Someone greets him as if they know him and he can't help but glare at them as he finally retrieves his suitcase, just when his phone rings. The number is always private "Who am I speaking to?" he asks, and finally hears the woman's voice "I assume you've arrived in Spain, I saw that the flight landed a little while ago. Are you okay?" she asks, and he huffs "I'm fine. What should I do from now on?" he asks, and the woman giggles "Don't worry, I've got everything organized. There's a taxi waiting for you outside the south exit, the one with the blue license plates" she says, and he nods "I understand. When can we talk about the case?" he asks, but again the call ends. Sae mutters some insults under his breath as he heads towards the exit the woman told him about, where he finds the taxi. A man who is probably Spanish winks at him before taking his suitcase and putting it in the trunk, to then open the car door. Sae gets into the car, placing his travel bag beside him. The man starts driving, but doesn't seem to want to engage in conversation, not that Sae wants to

Slowly the city of Madrid begins to appear before his eyes as the car continues to take him to the place he still knows nothing about, the whole city seems much quieter, unlike the airport where he arrived. The driver hums a Spanish song, but Sae is still trying to figure out how he got into this situation: it's clear by now that Rin didn't plan this prank, he would never have pushed him to this extent. The situation is so uncomfortable that the few phrases in Spanish that he had learned before he doesn't even remember them anymore. The driver takes his phone, writing something before passing it to Sae: on the keyboard a small text translated into Japanese appears before his eyes, with sentences that are clearly badly translated by the translator. Sae reads it in a low voice "The lady who called you cannot receive you in person, also because she does not speak Japanese. Soon you will meet the translator who will explain all the details of the case to you" he reads, and this makes him suspicious: how can the lady not speak Japanese if she spoke it perfectly during the calls?. Sae shrugs, grumbling as he slumps against the back of the cab: if before he only had to solve one case, now he also has to find out who the hell he talked to. Maybe the cases of missing teenagers near theirs houses weren't so bad

Forty minutes later the man stops in front of a large building, probably still in the center of the city. As Sae gets out he is given his suitcase back, and a distant woman approaches him, speaking proper Japanese but with a strong Spanish accent "Are you Sae Itoshi?" she asks kindly, and he shrugs "It's me. When do we start?" he asks, and the woman seems surprised, before motioning for him to follow her inside. The building is definitely something related to the city police, since as he walks he notices searches for missing and eventually found people on the walls. Still, it doesn't look like his office in Tokyo, those surrounding him don't look like investigators. The woman takes him to a private office, where documents are placed on a glass table. Sae sits down, and the woman sits in the chair in front of him, clearing her throat "The woman who gave me the task of speaking to you and explaining the case told me that she doesn't speak Japanese and that she wasn't able to be here when you arrived, so she apologizes a lot. But I think you want to know more than what she has to say" she says taking some documents in her hand, and Sae nods, although still not convinced by the version of the woman who doesn't speak Japanese and who coincidentally can't be here when he arrives. The woman gives him some documents "The lady explained to me that it's a murder. She tried to talk to the Spanish police about it but they don't want to solve it because they don't have the stuff to do so at the moment, from what I understand. She urgently wants it to be solved as easily as possible, she told me. It all happened probably a week ago and the woman is the sister of the girl killed" she says, and for Sae the trumpets of heaven finally seem to sound, when he finally hears of some action. He takes the documents, where small handwritten notes stand out on the yellow paper. They are small notes where they talk about times, places, things that he must definitely read carefully "The woman will pay you as soon as you present her the resolution information. You have all the time you want but she asks you to be quick. You can contact her from this number" she says, passing him a small note where some numbers are written messly. Sae looks up "Do you know if I have a chance to meet her? I want to ask her some questions to understand better all this" he asks, but the woman thinks about it, looking for a document. She reads it for a few seconds, speaking but not taking her eyes off the paper "You can contact her on the number but I think the other detective already has the information who-" she says, but Sae interrupts her "The other detective?"

The woman looks up from her document, tilting her head "The other detective, yeah...? You don’t know her?" she asks, puzzled, and Sae looks at her like he’s the problem in the situation "Do I know her? I didn’t even know there was a second detective" he says crossing his arms, and the woman looks at him a little surprised "Did the lady really not tell you anything?" she asks, and he shakes his head, annoyed "Absolutely not" he says, and she shrugs "I can’t help you with that. I thought you knew" she says, and he gets up from his chair, taking out his cell phone and dialing the number on the note, all in front of the puzzled translator. A few seconds later, a voice fills the room "Did she give you all the information you were looking for?" she asks quietly, but he frowns "When did you tell me I wouldn’t be working alone? Didn’t you say you only needed me?" he asks annoyed, and the woman chuckles "I found out two minutes before speaking to the translator. Apparently the Madrid police can help with the case, at least a little. They sent one of the detectives from their department, and telling her no seemed really rude. Can't you work together?" asks, and Sae shakes his head "No, No. No"

Since he was a child he has always been used to working alone, and it is still the same now that he works as a detective. The Tokyo police have often tried to pair him with other detectives, but he has always refused for the simple fact that he wants to take care of everything in the smallest details and have the situation under control. The first rule of detectives is to be aware of everything, but how can he do that if the most important information is held by someone he doesn't even know?. Furthermore, he has never worked with a woman, even at his university there were very few when he was studying. He doesn't know if the way of thinking is different from his, but this fact that he can't be the only one annoys him infinitely. He prefers to return to Japan, rather than having to work with someone who definitely doesn't even speak Japanese, another problem to add to the big list

"Why not? I agreed to let her work with you because I know she's a novice, plus she's originally from Japan, she speaks Japanese perfectly. You could really help her, and she could help you" the woman says, and Sae raises an eyebrow once again "I told you I work alone. It's either me or her, I don't even care if she's the best detective in the capital department" he says annoyed, and the woman snorts "Give her a chance. Talk to her at least once, you have to get the information she knows anyway. Then you'll evaluate your choice, what do you say?" the woman says, but Sae interrupts her, remembering yet another thing "Wait, why are you speaking perfect Japanese now if everyone told me you don't speak it?" she asks, but the call is already cut off. Sae clutches the phone in his hands, sighing loudly as he turns back to the translator, who looks at him awkwardly "I know I shouldn't have eavesdropped but her voice was very loud through the phone... if you want to meet the other detective, she's with my colleague. She's here too" she says looking down, and Sae goes back to the table, taking the documents and going towards the door "No need. I will work alone and get the information I need through another way" he says annoyed, and even though the translator seems to want to talk to him, he continues walking out of the room and along the corridor

With the documents in hand, he wonders how such rudeness is possible. If she contacted him saying she needed him, the woman surely also knew that he works exclusively alone, without any help. How did she manage to hire another detective who is also a rookie? Did she at least finish university, assuming there is a specific one like his here in Spain? And most importantly, why does she continue to speak a better Japanese than his if she says she isn't even Japanese?

Who is this damn woman without even a name?

Sae looks down at the documents, glancing at them quickly as he repeats the same route he took into the office. He knows the others are glaring at him, but he's never really cared about the outside thoughts. He begins to read a particular paper that explains the life of the victim, a supposed mother of about 35 years old, but someone slams into him. Some documents fall to the floor, and when Sae bends down to pick them up even more annoyed, a hand is faster and grabs them. Sae looks up and standing in front of him there is a young woman intent on reading his documents, her face covered by the paper and the view. When he stands up, the young woman's face is finally visible "Could you give me back the documents?" he asks, putting a hand forward, but the woman looks up, finally looking him in the eyes. There is a few seconds of silence before she clutches the documents to her chest "Thank you for bringing them to me. They are needed for my case... who are you, a secretary?" she asks, tilting her head, and if this day can't be called the worst of his life in a long time, he doesn't know what is. Him? A secretary? But does she at least know that she's talking to a detective, one of the best Japanese under 25? Who is she to say this is her case if it's clearly his? Who is this damn young newbie?

"They're some documents related to my case. Give them to me" Sae says sternly, but the woman's mouth drops open "Wait, are you the other investigator they were telling me about? Are you Sae Itoshi?" she asks in shock, then smiles "Oh my god, I'm sorry for my rudeness. I was so excited when they told me I could work with you, the case lady spoke so highly of you! Plus, you're Japanese, like my father-" she says excitedly, but Sae looks at her in confusion "Okay. Give me the documents" he repeats again, but she doesn't stop smiling "I can't wait to work with you, I'm so excited!" he says, but Sae abruptly takes the papers, walking away again. A few seconds later, he finds the woman at his side "Do you have an idea of how we should start?" she asks, but he doesn't even look at her "I work alone. Find another case" she says, and the woman stays a few steps behind, then runs back "Huh? But they told me we were supposed to work on this together?" she asks, and he shrugs "I don't care" he says, and she takes the papers back from him, stopping in the middle of the hallway. Sae turns around annoyed, taking a few steps forward "Why do you have to be so damn complicated? I told you I work alone" he says, but she shakes her head "And they told me I have to work with you. So either we work together, or I'll eat these papers right here in front of you" the girl says, and Sae looks at her surprised "Eating paper? What are you, 10 years old?" he asks sarcastically, but she takes the papers and puts them under her shirt "I can do it. I'm 21, to be fair" she says confidently, and he sighs, running a hand through his hair

How can a girl who is even a year younger than him be so childish?. Sae glares at her, and she glares back with equal hatred. The day is already awful, everything is awful, his entire existence is awful, and suddenly he misses the cold of Tokyo. Does he really want to go against someone like that, who would probably actually do what she says?. That is probably the last evidence of the case, plus she undoubtedly knows even more useful information, related to the mysterious woman. Sae sighs again, running a hand over his face before taking a step back, turning and continuing to walk towards the exit "Bring these documents. Let's go sit down and analyze them somewhere" he says, and it hurts worse than a knife wound. The woman appears next to him again a few steps later, all happy and with the documents in her hand "Okay!"

Half an hour later, a small bar is the only suitable place they have found. The woman whose name he does not yet know said she knows the owner, who can leave them in peace on the upper floor of the bar, as long as they at least consume something. The juice he ordered is not particularly sour, but that's okay, he certainly did not come here to evaluate the place. The documents are scattered on the coffee table, far from the cold chocolate she ordered. Sae reads some documents, writing down information on his notebook, which he will then combine with what the girl has gathered, if she's actually doing her job. Every now and then he looks up, and notices how deeply concentrated she is even though she always has a calm or smiling look. It seems as if she's not reading about a case of a gruesome murder, but in the end he can't blame her. These things don't impress him either

Sae certainly doesn't want to start a conversation, but the fact that she knows slightly more than he does annoys him. He clears his throat, lowering his paper to look at her in her eyes "So, you're from the Madrid department?" he asks, and she puts her paper down, nodding "Unsolved Crimes Section. I joined about a year ago" she says, and from this the boy understands why they sent her instead of another investigator. Apparently the department didn't want to make a fool of themselves even after turning down the case, so they sent the most inexperienced person just so they could say they had contributed. Smart move. She a bit less "I see. Can you tell me something that I apparently don't know? Since you seem to know something more" he says rolling his eyes, and she nods, passing him some information on another piece of paper. He takes it, reading it to himself "The lady is the older sister of the victim, who is 35 years old and has two children who are currently missing. The victim is not married, the children are from two different fathers, and she also lives in an apartment in the suburbs which is also the crime scene. The murder is unsolved, there are no suspects and it probably happened a week ago, in the evening. The sisters are Japanese. A man could have killed her for no real reaso- Wait" Sae says, speaking but pausing "The sisters are Japanese?" he asks surprised, and the woman nods, not understanding his surprise "Sorry, didn't the woman speak to you in Japanese?" she says, and he nods, even more puzzled "Yes. But they told me that she doesn't speak or understand Japanese, that's why I was talking to a translator" he says, and the woman looks at him in surprise "I didn't speak with a translator when I spoke to her. She's clearly Japanese, I mean, she speaks Japanese well and she told me she is" she says shrugging, and this is yet another doubt on the list. Why she use another version for him?. "I'll think about that later, as weird as it is. Did you talk to her in person?" he asks, and she nods "About two days ago. She's a nice enough lady, said she's 38" she says, and he nods "I'll ask to speak to her in person too, then. If she doesn't have a problem" he says sarcastically, and the woman chuckles "You can try. Although I don't understand why she only wants to speak to me" she says, and Sae shrugs "We will see..." he says bored, but the woman doesn't go back to work "I didn't tell you one thing, anyway. My name is Y/n, nice to meet you. I hope we can get along, at least during this job" she says, and Sae doesn't even dare look her in the eyes "I understand. Let's finish right away" he says, not really interested in her words

After a whole afternoon in the bar the information obtained is still quite fews, but as a result Y/n has talked so much about her life that now he knows that she loves sunflowers, if this can be called a useless victory. Lying on his hotel bed, the plate full of paella fades into the background, while he begins to read the information he has gathered today on the documents: the crime scene photos are quite bloody, but tomorrow he will analyze them better when he goes to the place for the first time. Attached to the information are also photos of the body, which however is headless and above all full of bruises, a sign of a physical battle. However, he does not know why, for him the corpse has a head: it's the perspective of the photo that perhaps hides it, but in the documents it is also written that there is no head. Why, though? Why?. Furthermore, the children's whereabouts are unknown at all. Their fathers have already been questioned and neither have seen them for weeks before the fateful day, due to some court restrictions. The fathers have a fairly solid alibi, but all are guilty until proven innocent. Some minimal investigations think that the children were taken by the possible murderer, but the fact that there are no traces of them suggests that perhaps they ran away voluntarily or under force, and had to pack their bags. He has so many doubts that thinking about it now is quite useless, he cannot evaluate anything if he does not first see the crime scene, so waiting for tomorrow and praying that Y/n quits her job is the only option

The next morning, before it's even time for breakfast, Sae is in front of the victim's house. He received the keys from the department this morning, and while he waits for Y/n to arrive, he wonders if going in is a good option. Of course it is, if he can speed things up. He goes up the stairs, but when he gets to the door of the house, the woman's voice echoes through the stairs "You didn't wait for me! And good morning, by the way" she says, quickly going up the stairs, but Sae doesn't even look at her as he opens the door "Good morning. You're twenty minutes late" he says without emotion, and the woman huffs "Madrid traffic is merciless" she says wiping the dust off the white shirt she's wearing, the usual method of appearing more professional and at the same time banal. Sae is the first to enter the house, and immediately notices the yellow police tape. He walks past it, looking carefully at the scene: the house is in disarray, vases are knocked over and the frames are empty of photos, as if the victim had never existed. It's easy enough to fall on the floor, so he's not surprised when the woman bumps into his shoulder, forcing him to turn around to give her an arm to hold on to. Sae glares at her "Was wearing high heels to analyze a crime scene necessary?" he asks, and the woman nods "Of course" she says, pulling away from her arm, her knees still bent from the near fall. Sae looks her up and down, but as he does so he notices a small key on the floor. He bends down to pick it up, looking at it "Did you bring the footprint spray?" she asks, and the woman nods "It’s all here" she says, showing some equipment, which she places on the dining room table. Walking with her, Sae notices that this is where the scene occurred: on the floor are pieces of chalk marking where the body was, now probably in the analysis room. As the woman sets down the equipment, Sae picks up his tablet and compares the photos he received: they are slightly different, but maybe it's because of the quality. The girl puts a camera on the furniture in the entrance of the house, turning it on: it is mandatory to have documentation of what is done at a crime scene, in case someone modifies it

The woman comes to his side, looking as well before bending to the ground, her knees against the creaky wooden floor. Sae watches the scene, realizing afterward that he's been staring where he shouldn't be. He shakes his head, leaning into her side "What are you doing?" he asks, and the woman takes another piece of chalk, remaining silent. Slowly, another shape appears on the floor, much more crooked than the one the police had drawn. Sae watches, and notices how this new shape could only be created in a photo "What the fuck?" he says to himself, alternating his gaze, and the woman nods "Look where the investigation says her right hand is. That's impossible, it'll be her foot at most" she says, keeping his gaze down, and Sae thinks about it, taking the girl's thought for granted. He takes the chalk, marking a particular area, where the head would presumably be: the more he looks at the shape, the more there is something that tells him that the head is impossible to be there, even if the police say so. The woman looks carefully, indicating the scene "There's no room for a head there. It's too small, the space" she says, and he nods "I was thinking about that. A woman's head is bigger" he says, and the woman nods "We could bring a mannequin. I can ask the department and bring it when we get back tomorrow" he says, and Sae nods "We can try that, yeah" he says

Sae stands up, focusing on the key, how come no one noticed it? How did the police not see it?. He goes to the equipment provided and takes some spray, which should show the fingerprints of whoever touched it: he sprays, and immediately red traces appear on the metal, which Sae saves on a slide that he places in a protective package. The prints will have to be sent to the lab this evening, when they return home. The key, however, appears to be made of a particularly soft metal, as it is partly chipped "Mh?" he murmurs, placing the object in front of the house's chandelier, which darkens it by optical effect: the chipping seems to be mostly at the tip, following a zigzag effect that could be due to a possible use on something equally hard. The woman approaches, looking at the chip "Do you think it can still open the door?" she asks, and Sae raises an eyebrow "How do you know it opens a door?" he asks skeptically, but the detective crosses her arms, sighing "What can it open, a closet? It’s obviously a door key" she says, and Sae shrugs, placing it on the kitchen table "You should be less sure of your ideas. At a crime scene, nothing is true until it gets approval from the lab" he says, but she shrugs and returns to the silhouette of the corpse. Sae glares at the girl, before sighing and glancing into the kitchen

Three hours later, 27 investigation sheets have to be added to the investigation already drawn up by the police previously. He doesn't know why, but he considers it a stroke of luck, but both have been working in silence practically the whole time, he in the kitchen and she between the living room and the entrance of the house. New information has slipped out, but before giving it to the police, Sae wants to study it better. He sits at the table, reading to himself "Discovery of a key, presumably of a door, chipped. Fingerprints on the object. Reassessment of the shape of the body. Little resemblance between the photos given and reality. Study of the house, living room, kitchen and entrance" he reads, and when he looks up, the girl is leaning against the door jamb "The thing that makes me most suspicious is the body. I've seen some photos and it's headless, but here in the silhouette it has one, I don't understand the reasoning the police used. I understand that it was a quick and very approximate investigation, but I expected better..." the girl says sitting down on the chair next to his, and Sae rereads some of the information "I can't tell you. I only know that there is a basic problem here, related to the body. Do you know where it is placed at the moment? I think we should study it, at least take a look" the boy says, but the girl looks at him perplexed "Huh? What do you mean?" she asks, and he gets slightly nervous "I mean, where is the body placed. City morgue or police morgue?" he asks, but the girl looks at him as if he had said something hugely stupid "The body hasn't been found" says, and for the umpteenth time, Sae's certainties fall on deaf ears "... What do you mean it wasn't found?" he asks astonished, and she lowers her gaze "The police didn't tell you much... I notice. The photos in the investigation were found at the crime scene, the body wasn't there. The outline is based on the little the police had" says

How is it possible that the photos are not even canonically of the corpse? Who gives him the certainty that they are actually photos of the body and not of another, if not even of something fake? How the fuck did the Spanish police handle this case?. Sae clenches his fists, staring straight ahead: he is furious, even though his calm facade doesn't show it. He is furious to know what the fuck happened here, why there are so many unresolved problems, why the fucking lady who called him never even showed up. He hasn't even been here a day and already he feels the madness that the university told him would come sooner or later. He is furious to take this madness to its extreme level, as he always dreamed

"A week. A week and we'll finish this shit" he says, staring straight ahead, but he still notices the girl jump at his comment "A week...? Don't you think that's not enough...? I mean, if the police didn't even agree to examine it properly, it means it's compli-" she says awkwardly "A week"

Sae is still sitting in the kitchen when the girl leaves for lunch. He doesn't even know why he already feels so thirsty for knowledge, so open to becoming the victim himself if it means getting one of the many truths that he needs at the moment. Maybe the boring life in Tokyo has made him soft, with its stupid and senseless cases. Now that he finally has something worth suffering for, he finally feels alive after years of apnea, years in which he repeated that perhaps he had only made a great idealization of his work and that he had overvalued it. He finally feels like he can use all the skills for which he was considered the best in his class, the favorite of his professors. Now that he had such a difficult case in hand, he knew what it meant to be an investigator, what the job he said he wanted to do as a child really meant for him

Four hours later, the papers are hidden in the inside pocket of his jacket. He doesn't know Madrid well, but after doing some research, the only option to solve this case and not give credit to the police is to do the job himself, as he has always wanted, besides. He can analyze the key himself, if he remembers well how his professor of specialized investigations used to do the analysis tests at university: all you need is a special liquid and a red room, and possibly darkness. It is not difficult to find what you need if you can lie to the police saying that you need it only for a graphic test and not for a full analysis. Being an investigator after all also means lying by pretending to be guiding the false thing with your life, and he's always managed to do it quite well. Sae didn't warn his colleague, who is probably looking for him, but he doesn't care. He has to work

Arriving at the room rented for two hours thanks to the police website, Sae puts the chipped key on the table and the papers, taking off his jacket which he hangs on the coat rack. He takes the liquid that technically should be suitable, puts it in a bowl and dips the key into the jar. This is something he did a few times with Rin, when they were little and had to develop the photos they took with their mother's camera. When he started studying investigations, he was quite surprised to learn that more or less the same process could be done to get a fingerprint that was 97% correct. He sits down on the table, picking up the papers and reading them one last time when the door to the room suddenly opens, revealing the woman. Sae is surprised to see her there, not knowing how she found out he was there "Who gave you the key?" he says without even saying hello, and the woman shrugs, walking in front of him "I should be the one asking you questions here. Why weren’t you at the victim’s house anymore?" she asks, and Sae rolls his eyes, annoyed "I have some work to do" he says, and the woman giggles, stealing the paper from his hand and reading it "Me too. I think we’re a couple, right?" she says, and Sae sighs, taking the paper back and stepping off the table, walking over to the basin with the key in it "You make it sound like we’re fucking. We’re working, remember" he says, annoyed. The woman comes over, standing next to him and looking at the key submerged in the water "What a vulgar man. You make it sound like everything is going around you" she says, but he lowers his gaze to glare at her "Excuse me?" he says, tilting his head "Do you think I’m a narcissist?" he asks, and the woman shrugs, giggling "It would be narcissistic not to think you’re a narcissist" she says, but this thing annoys the boy more than usual "I don't even want to waste my breath explaining to you how much bullshit you're talking. Your only thought should be to solve this case and not judge me, wrongly, by the way" he says taking a few steps forward, getting down on one knee as he runs a hand through the cold and black liquid, checking the temperature "Turn off the lights" he says, not even turning around to her

"Yessir, Captain Itoshi" the woman says walking to the switch, turning off the lights. Sae picks up the small remote control at her side, turning on some LEDs that reflect the red light of the room, making it partially illuminated. The situation is more tense than usual, Sae doesn't know why her comment about being a narcissist bothered him so much, especially considering how much he doesn't consider himself to be one, not after the risk he took years ago just for a stupid person. He doesn't know how, even though he doesn't know this girl, she has already become so close to him, and they met two days ago. Why is he walking on the ice with her while Y/n looks like she wants to drown him, as deep and far as possible?

"And anyway" the woman says, her back now pressed against the wall behind him "It’s narcissistic that you didn’t warn me about this specific investigation of yours… I could easily report you to the police and say you’re tampering useful evidence" she says, her heels clicking against the floor as she approaches. Sae doesn’t even bother turning around, putting on gloves and picking up a clothespin "Do it. I’m still doing more than they did, since the crime technically happened on Spanish soil" he says, the clatter of his gloves hitting his skin. The woman kneels beside him, taking in the scene as best she can in the dim light "That’s also narcissistic to think about" she says, and Sae turns around, full of her annoying tounge "Are you done?" he asks, and she holds up her hands in surrender "I was just making the situation more pleasant" she says, but he goes back to his work "We have a very different way of writing 'Annoying', Y/n" he says. Sae dips his hand into the liquid, grabbing the key and placing it on the clip, so as to avoid direct contact with the analysis table. The woman gets up, taking an analysis sheet, which Sae had placed somewhere in the room: she puts it on the key, and even though Sae didn't tell her to do it like this, it's fine as long as she stays quiet

They both remain silent, while the key slowly moves its fingerprints left on the analysis sheet. Sae often allows himself a glance towards the girl, and with her mouth closed she seems like a completely different person, and not the one that since he arrived often leads him to be the next murderer and not what he should be, an investigator. He didn't notice how her face has decidedly Japanese features, even though she said that only one of her arents is, features that he associates with all the girls who live in his area, but with a pinch of Spain. If he were not forced into his role he would almost be tempted to take a little more interest in her personal life, if she knew how to communicate with him possibly without insulting him

"I don't think it's working" she says after several minutes, and Sae nods, going to turn on the lights. The room lights up again, and Sae throws the key into the basin again "I think it'll be a few days before the prints actually show up. After all, I'm using a fairly mundane method and not a specialized one like in the labs" he says, and the woman nods. They remain silent for a few more seconds, before she grabs the documents and leaves the room "I'll get these for tonight. See you tomorrow at the victim's house" she says, and Sae is alone again. He tidies up the room and puts more liquid in the basin before returning to his hotel room, where the thought of that night so many years ago returns violently

Even after four years, the sound of the plane taking off and her tight smile still haunt his mind. It's been going on since it happened, with periods when he thought about it less and others when the only option to not think about it was to sleep with sleeping pills. He doesn't even know why her face suddenly came back to his mind, but maybe it was just because he thought of Japanese girls while looking at Y/n

After years, he still doesn't know if he made the right choice

The next morning, with two sachets of sleeping pills and a painkiller, Sae is again at the entrance of the house, but this time he's the one who is late. When he gets there he notices with surprise that his colleague's car is already parked, probably already inside the home. Climbing the stairs of the house he wonders why she didn't wait for him, but after all he wouldn't have waited for her either, so the only option is to shrug and simply open the door, where he sees Y/n sitting on the floor with a piece of chalk. The woman looks up "Good morning" she says, as Sae comes over and sits down next to her, observing how on the floor near the outline of the fake or real corpse there are new signs of plaster "Good morning. The mannequin?" he asks, remembering the pact they had made yesterday morning, and a ghost appears in front of his colleague's face, who lowers her face and scratches her hand nervously. Sae raises an eyebrow at her nervousness, puzzled "So? Where is it? Did you bring it?" he asks impatiently, and the woman raises her face, giggling nervously "What if hypothetically I just remembered now...?" she says looking away, and Sae wonders if she's really stupid or if she just enjoys prolonging cases that are already complicated. He glares at her for a few seconds, getting up from the floor "I'll go get it" he says, but the woman gets up with him, squeezing his shirt sleeve, making him turn around "No need, really! If anyone has to go get it, it's me" he says, but Sae shakes his head "I said I'm going" he says, and the woman consequently tightens her grip on his wrist a bit, increasing a physical contact that in his opinion was not necessary but which strangely feels pleasant because of her warm hand

The woman's face looks genuinely sorry, and Sae really isn't capable of getting angry with a woman. He sighs, breaking away from the contact and running a hand through his hair, thinking about it for a few seconds. The more he looks into her eyes, the more he thinks he's wrong to even hate her, which is strange since he's never had any problem hating someone even for the smallest thing "The damn police station is at least an hour and a half away from here, there's no point in going to get the mannequin there if we have to hurry. We have to use something else" he says crossing his arms, and the woman lowers her gaze, only to look up awkwardly a few seconds later "I have an idea" she says, and Sae looks at her "What do you mean?" he asks, but the woman doesn't seem convinced "... It could be embarrassing. For both of us" she says, but Sae is already so annoyed by the fact that she didn't bring the mannequin and also by the fact that he can't hate her that embarrassment is the least of his problems at the moment "I don't care. Let's do it, I don't even want to know in advance what it is" he says walking back near the crime scene

Ten minutes later, the boy doesn't know how he ended up on top of her, his knee between her legs and a great strength of spirit that doesn't push him to fall on her chest. The chalk in his hands traces shaky lines on the floor, but more shaky is his lip, which he is trying to control so as not to look like a depraved person. The woman looks at him impassively, and Sae sincerely hopes she isn't thinking the same thing he's thinking, rather he prefers to think that she's embarrassed. When he saw her lying on the ground he thought that perhaps she was doing it to get an idea of the possible position of the body, not that she was posing to be the mannequin to be used. He knew it would be embarrassing, but he didn't think it could come to this, with their bodies so damn close and her breath hitting his neck at such a nerve wracking pace

Luckily for him, in addition to the embarrassment, there is also the fact that thanks to this he is actually having a clearer view of the possible body, which has yet to be discovered. Using the woman as a mannequin and following the indications given by the police, it is impossible that the traces they found and the photos they provided are truthful, because the similarities are really few if not non existent. The more he continues to draw new lines, the more the chance that the photos found at the crime scene are real decreases: the body yet to be found is definitely with a head, a female one

"Are you thinking about anything in particular?" the woman asks, standing still. Sae watches her for a few seconds, swallowing and continuing to trace a few lines "Nothing. I think about working precisely" he says, and the woman chuckles "I see. Your forehead creases when you concentrate" she says, and Sae blows in her face, silencing her "Dummies don't talk" he says, but the woman cuts him off "Not even detectives who say they're concentrating" she says, and Sae looks at her puzzled "You're not much help, you know that?" he says "I'm literally lying on the floor with a man I barely know on top of me. If that's not helping, I don't know what is" she says "Funny. But seriously, don't blame me for your memory lapses" he says, and she stands up, raising her torso and remaining seated on the floor. Sae moves back just in time, to avoid direct contact. He finds himself with his hands resting on the ground on either side of her bottom, with the woman's hands practically next to his "Now what?" he asks bored, and she glares at him "Memory lapses my ass. I hate it when you say things like that" she says, and he sighs "Does reality bother you? Worrying" he says "You're not funny" she says "I never said I was" he says. The fact that she's having a staring contest annoys him, but the worst part is when she pulls his cheek "You don't talk to pretty young ladies like that" she says "Where's the pretty young lady?" he asks with his cheek pulled, and she pulls it even more. Sae pulls away, standing up and wiping his chalky hand, glaring at her again "You’re a psycho. I wonder how you’re technically a police officer" he says in disgust, and she stands up, wiping her skirt "That’s my business. I wonder why the lady contacted you about this case. I mean, you’re from the other side of the world" she says

Again, Sae finds himself thinking about the lady he still knows absolutely nothing about, and who for some reason, continues to avoid him and lie to him. He can't even explain how he ended up in a situation like this, with a case within a case, where the whole situation doesn't even give him any certainty but only many doubts that hide who knows what

"I don't know either. I really should talk to her" he says, looking down. When he looks up, the woman is in front of him "You should, but from what I understand she's never spoken to you in person, and I don't know why either. It's weird" she says crossing her arms, and he nods "I know. I don't understand why, honestly" he says "You know..." she says, and Sae tilts his head "I shouldn't, but if you want, we can talk about the conversation I had with her in private. I shouldn't talk to the others about my interrogations, but hey, it's a job as a couple, right?" she asks a little awkwardly, and when he hears the offer, he immediately nods "We should talk about it together. When would you be free?" he asks, and she thinks for a few seconds "Even this afternoon, if you want. There's a nice place that sells churros for a good price, near the police station"

Sitting in a nice bar in the center of Madrid a few hours later, Sae thinks that this feels more like a date than a business meeting that might clear up some of his doubts. The woman arrived a little while ago, 20 minutes late, and apart from ordering a plate of these famous churros, she hasn't spoken yet: she remains with her gaze down, quite uncharacteristic for her, even though Sae knows her very little. The boy clears his throat, picking up the cup of kombucha he ordered earlier and taking a long sip. The salty, fermented flavor is pleasant, though he prefers the version sold at 7/11s in Tokyo "So…" he says, not really knowing how to continue because the woman should be the one talking. His colleague looks up, sighing but ducking her head shortly after "Yeah… what… what do you want to know specifically?" she asks, and he shrugs, putting the cup on the table "I don't know, everything you know. You're the one who suggested this to me... I expect honesty, that's all" he says, and the woman nods "I see. You’re right" she says, but the fact that she’s so hesitant now is a little worrying, if not annoying. Sae stares at her "Are you sure you have some information or did you just want me to pay for some churros?" he asks puzzled, but the woman looks up in embarrassment, waving her hands in front of her face "No way, wait! I seriously– wait, have you already paid?" she asks, and Sae sighs, taking another sip "That’s not the important thing, I just did what I would do with any other colleague. So? Are you talking or not?" he asks again, squeezing the cup a little in his hands. The woman sighs, shaking her head "Okay. So...

... The woman sent the case to the police about a few days before she contacted you. My department didn't accept it, they simply did a survey and took a lot of clues that they then assumed were true, like the photos of the body. She spoke fluent Japanese with me, she told me how her sister had a problem related to the children, the fathers wouldn't give her money to support them... I don't know, stuff related to her family. The sister is convinced that the father of the eldest child killed her, but at the moment he is not considered a suspect, to consider him we would first have to find the children and understand if they were present when it happened, if they saw anything. But it is not known where they ended up, perhaps kidnapped, perhaps killed, poor little ones. She gave me some photos, wait..." says the woman, placing some photos on the table in which the mother head is always out of sight "They're the only ones they found intact, more or less. I don't understand why the killer doesn't want to show his face... is he jealous of her?" she asks perplexed, and Sae sighs "It could be. Do you know if the woman had any particular success? Work-related, family-related?" he asks, but the woman shakes her head "No one, at least not that I know of. Maybe someone even took an important job from her, but her sister didn’t tell me much about it. She said she was looking for a permanent job and that someone simply beat her because they got better grades in college. She didn’t go to college, as far as I know, so they didn’t hire her" she explains, and Sae raises an eyebrow "What if she threatened the person they hired and the other one defended himself in a possible attack?" he asks, and the woman tilts her head "What do you mean?" she asks. Sae takes the pad and pen from his pocket, puts them on the table and begins to write "Think of it like this. The woman threatens the person they hired, threats of death or in any case that had such a great impact on the other person that they still considered the option of murder. There was a possible struggle, and the killer killed her, perhaps as a mistake or perhaps with intent" he explains, and the woman opens her mouth in surprise "That might make sense. But in the woman's house?" she asks, and Sae thinks for a few seconds "Maybe it was someone she knew, or someone in any case managed to enter in her house. If it was not due to a struggle, it was because the person broke into her house. This makes the victim innocent and the murder premeditated"

A small silence fills the room, and Sae finally thinks he has a solution to a problem that is still gigantic. If only he had more real evidence he would have the possibility of being more certain of what he says, but having a base is something good after almost three days since he left Tokyo. He looks at the woman, who seems convinced by his words, but Sae is not yet convinced of anything: conviction can only come after speaking with the lady, and in person. He thinks for a moment before looking up and staring straight into the woman's eyes "I need to talk to the victim's sister. In person" he says, and the woman purses her lips, looking down "If you can, why not. But she doesn't want to see you, if it's still like a few hours ago" she says, and Sae shakes his head "It doesn't matter, I need to talk to her. We need to set up something where you pretend to talk to her but then I'll be there" he says confidently, and she nods "If we can do it..." she says, eating a churros "You think we can't do that?" he asks raising an eyebrow, but the woman shakes her head "I don't mean that, we can certainly do that. But what if you called her first and asked to meet up? I mean, if we do that it seems like a threat to her, and you know how potential suspects will keep their mouths shut even more under pressure" she says, and Sae finds himself agreeing with her even if he doesn't want to "I understand. I'll do as you say" he says defeatedly, getting up from the table and walking out of the place, the nice bar. The woman follows him, two churros still in her hand "Wait, where are you going?" she asks keeping pace, but he pulls out his phone and dials "I’m just speeding up the process. See you tomorrow, Y/n"

A few hours later, locked in his hotel room, the rhythm of the phone rings seems endless. He's been trying to call her for hours, but the more he dials the more she continues to reject his calls. Now that it's late at night, he hasn't had dinner yet and he still has to take a shower, the situation is much more annoying than usual. He sighs, scratching his bare abdomen and placing the phone on his thigh, on his gray pants: he hates doing what his colleague suggested, a colleague who he still doesn't want even though she's actually helping him. Y/n is particular, if he had to describe her to someone who knows her, so basically if he had to describe her to himself: she is cute, as much as a stranger can be, she talks a lot but has episodes of mutism that confuse and annoy Sae. He can say that he has often had the opportunity to observe her body, and he cannot say that it is not attractive, actually, she's quite beautiful. It's annoying to think about this while he's working, with a call he wants to make as soon as possible, but maybe he has these thoughts only because he's always seen few women who do the same job as him, fortunately and not

As he's about to go take a shower, the phone rings. Sae picks it up, not even seeing who's calling "Why did you make me wait hours?" he asks harshly crossing his arms, and the laughter he hears from the other side is the confirmation he needed "Sorry, my mistake. I promise not to do it again" she says jokingly, but he sighs "I have to meet you, as soon as possible. Tomorrow" he says, but the woman continues to giggle in a low voice "What is this? You want to see me, see what I look like? If I'm pretty?" she asks "I don't care, and stop talking like we're flirting. I just need to ask you a lot of things about your sister and her old life. Also, why did you lie? You speak fluent Japanese" he says, and the woman is silent for a while, before letting out another laugh "You're underestimating our relationship, the mere fact that I chose you means I'm interested in you. Maybe I love you and you don't know it" she says sweetly, but it disgusts Sae "We don't know each other, you're not in love with me, you're a complete mystery to me" he says, and the woman sighs "How mean, to refuse the love of a young woman. It only makes me more eager to avoid you" she says, and Sae swears he's losing what little patience he has "Damn, can you stop opening your mouth just for bullshit? I want to see you, tomorrow, and we'll talk" he says firmly, but the woman yells slightly "Do that again, you're bossing me around. I swear it's exciting" she says, and Sae swears he's about to book a flight back to Tokyo just so he can't talk or work for her anymore. He clears his throat, taking a long breath "... You don't want to see me, that's fine. You also avoid the questions I ask you, and that's fine too. But just tell me... do you know the name of the person who stole your sister's job?" he asks, and the woman is silent for a few seconds, seconds that then turn into a full minute. Sae checks to see if she's disconnected, but everything is normal "Are you still there?" he asks, tilting his head and becoming impatient

"Sae Itoshi. That's his name"

The call is disconnected. Sae glances at the phone, and the shiver that runs down his spine is inexplicable: Him? What does he have to do with the person who stole the victim's job? What does it mean that she still doesn't want to meet him in the first place? The phone falls to the floor, and Sae can't help but stare straight ahead, as if he's just received horrible news

"Sae Itoshi, that's his name"

"Sae? Nice to meet you!"

His head starts to spin as he falls to the ground holding his temples. Why is he remembering this stuff now?

"I have to do it, or he'll kill me, i'm sure"

"Thanks for everything, Sae"

The headache exhausts him so much that he wakes up the next morning, covered in sweat and still lying on the floor. It's been a while since dawn, and although his head is still spinning, he feels much better. He gets up still a little shakily, taking his phone and turning it off: for today he doesn't need to see things that still haunt him after years, words that continue to kill him. He doesn't need to feel uncertain

The journey to the home is short, and when he arrives, Y/n is already there. When he gets out of the car the woman approaches, clasping her hands in her lap "So? Have you talked to her? You don't look good" she says tilting her head, and Sae can sense the genuine interest. He sighs, starting to walk into the house, leaving her behind "She hasn't told me anything new. It's okay if you continue to be the one to meet her in person" he says nervously, and the woman behind him follows. In silence they begin the new day of investigation, and after a few hours of pure silence, Sae almost feels guilty for being the one who ruined both of their moods, with his tired face. He doesn't even know what Y/n is working on today, but when he leaves the kitchen to look for her, another attack of headache forces him to stop and grab the door: his knees buckle and a heavy thud is heard as he falls to the ground, his head paralyzed by a sharp pain he unfortunately knows well

Lying on the ground with his eyes closed, he feels an arm tighten around his shoulders. He opens his eyes and the woman's worried face fills his vision "Sae? What happened?" she asks, but he shakes his head, trying to get back on his feet as best he can. He wobbles, and before he can refuse, the woman grabs onto him to keep him upright: the closeness offers him warmth, and also a strange sensation. The woman's feminine scent is almost a relief to the pain, and when she makes him sit on a chair and walks away a few steps, he is almost tempted to grab her wrist. He runs a hand over his face, but the woman comes closer again "What happened to you?" she asks genuinely concerned, but he shakes his head "Probably a drop in blood pressure, don’t worry" he says, but again he is forced to squeeze his eyes shut at the new pang of pain. One cold hand rests on his face, and when he opens and lowers his eyes, he is surprised to see his colleague's hand "It's like you saw a ghost. I know you're someone who loves to work hard because you care, but you should always put your health firs-" she says, but is interrupted by him "Can I give you some advice?" he asks, and as perplexed as she is, she nods as she rubs his cheek, making him shiver "Okay...?"

"You always prefer to avoid a smile, rather than save it. You will always live with the doubt of what happened to it"

The woman looks at him perplexed, and almost seems to start an episode of mutism again. Sae bites his tongue, wondering why he got to this point in this way, blurting out something like that to someone he doesn't even know and who doesn't even know what he's talking about. If the situation was tense before, now he might as well go back to Japan

"What... what do you mean?" she asks, and he looks up. He's surprised to hear her speak, especially since he thought she had fallen into selective mutism, but he doesn't really know how to answer this question without opening a wound that's still bleeding. He lowers his face, feeling for the first time a new sensation, something that has always disgusted him since he was a child: the need to vent. How can he do that with her? How can he even talk about a situation like this that could very well be reportable? How can he talk about her?

"I... I covered important things for people dear to me, one in particular. I trusted someone I didn't know but who I knew would die. I let her go, running away thanks to my connections. But running away means building something new, opening new doors and closing old ones. As it went, she closed the door with me inside. Closing means disappearing, and she did that. Disappearing without giving me the chance to understand what I had done and if it was worth living with the uncertainty of how she was doing"

The more time passes, the louder the silence becomes. It's as if talking about this brings him back to that day, to that silent goodbye without promises that he wanted after everything he had done for her. Promises that would have saved him from doubts. Promises that would have made him understand that it was worth protecting her smile. Promises that never came and that he no longer dared to look for after the plane took off

As the pain came, so it disappeared after he finally opened his mouth about it with someone. He didn't say anything specific, but after years the weight has lightened a little more, however minimal. Sae looks into the woman's eyes, and in her reflection he sees the girl who never made these promises to him. Before he can even open his mouth and apologize for all of this, Y/n's arms wrap around his neck, as she ends up hugging him in silence: her head rests gently against his shoulder, and Sae's arms wrap almost naturally around her waist, holding her close to him and finally giving him the chance to smell her again. Hugs have always been annoying to him, but now with her like this in his arms, everything feels so right yet wrong, since she's probably just hugging him out of pity for his messy words. Sae leans in close to her ear, clearing his throat a bit in a silent tone "You don't have to do this if you don't want" he says, but the grip around his neck only tightens further

Time passes almost in slow motion, the more he holds her and the more the seconds seem to pass more slowly, luckily for him. The last person he hugged was probably his mother years ago, and yet unconsciously he missed the feeling of having someone in his arms, someone who knew how to make silence his greatest friend. Before he knew it, the end of shift time had just struck, a sign that they could go home: but the more minutes passed, the more he didn't want to take her away from him. Only after a long while, with the sunset reflecting in the windows and a warm feeling on his chest, Sae notices that the girl has fallen asleep. His head doesn't hurt anymore, and as much as possible, he picks her up in his arms, keeping her head resting on his chest as he starts to walk down the stairs to his car. The girl's face looks so peaceful, and he wonders how long she actually hugged him before falling asleep: the delicate skin feels so soft, and even though he's never had a real and serious relationship, Sae wonders what it would be like to have a girlfriend who looks like her, or maybe her. Once he gets to the car he puts her in the back seat, and doing a quick search in the Madrid police station handbook, he finds the address of the girl, who he hope doesn't see this whole gesture as something really weird and psychopathic but as a simple gesture of kindness after so many hours of calm and comfort

Arriving in front of the apartment complex, Sae stops the car and glances at the girl through the mirror, where he sees that she is still sleeping. He sighs taking off his belt, turning around and placing a hand on her hair, but he pulls it back a few seconds after realizing what he's doing: why does it seem so strange now to caress her if she's spent hours in his arms, with his hands on her waist? Why is there an uneasiness now that wasn't there before? Maybe he overdid it. He pulls his hand back, clearing his throat "Y/n, wake up" he says out loud and a few seconds later, the girl's tired but damn cute eyes open. She rubs her eyes, sitting up in the seats while looking out the windows, probably recognizing the place. She turns to Sae, who looks at her calmly "Sorry for making you drive all the way here" she says uncertainly, and from her change of voice the boy recognizes a kind of worry, a kind of insecurity. Sae purses his lips, putting his hands on the wheel "It wasn’t a big problem" he says, and a small silence falls between the two. Sae clears his throat, looking ahead as he hears the woman get out of the car, not even saying goodbye to him. From the window he sees her enter the apartment complex, and as he begins to drive to his hotel, he wonders what happened to the confidence of the girl who had no qualms about hugging him earlier: maybe it was just a momentary gesture, without a real meaning behind it. Maybe it's just him who as usual thought completely about something else, resulting as a dreamer, something he hates and always tries to avoid being

During the night, the thought of being hugged still pervades his mind, and the memory of being here for work and to solve a case seems more and more distant the more the night grows. How could he be reduced to a cringe teenage girl with her first crush because of a bit of simple human contact? Is this really the effect his body feels from so little?. He probably feels this because the last contact he had with someone, even if they never actually touched each other physically, remains with that girl from years ago, that more than touching him and his body she took his soul and maybe even his heart

However, he's here to solve a case that seems more unsolvable as time passes, the Spanish police probably had every right to reject it now that Sae knows it quite well. There are still many questions, but finally after days he has some more ideas, but no solutions: it is probably a fight that ended badly or a defense after an illegal entry into the house, he still does not know where the children are and why this woman's head is hidden, and above all why the lady does not want to see him in person or tell him the truth, since he thinks she knows much more than she says. He also still has to get the key, which still has to give him the fingerprint that could change everything and above all tell him what it opens

In short, he hasn't solved anything yet, really nothing. But he's going crazy,if he can consider it a positive trait or result

The next morning, he's the first to enter the house: sitting on the floor he starts marking new lines with the chalk, while he notices how Y/n is late. He's still a little embarrassed about last night, but if she's late he can still use the free time to finish the work on the floor and at the same time formulate a decent speech. As he absentmindedly runs the chalk over the floorboards, he notices how one board is slightly broken due to a crooked nail: he gets closer, and sees how the board actually seems to be blocked from the inside and not from the outside, as if there was something underneath it that is blocking it. As he moves closer to get a better look, the woman's footsteps make him look up: his colleague is standing at the door jamb, and Sae wonders if she's wearing such a short skirt on purpose after yesterday's embarrassment. Sae swallows, looking a little too much at the woman's legs as they get closer and closer, until she bends down beside him. She stays silent, observing the new pattern on the floor "How's it going?" she asks, and Sae tries to come back to reality, still a little embarrassed "I guess fine" he replies, and she takes another piece of chalk, drawing a funny face on the silhouettes. Sae watches the scene, rolling his eyes but quite amused, while the girl giggles "I wanted to say thank you for yesterday. I only left like that because I still had commitments at home" she says, and as much as it doesn't seem like reality, Sae nods "Don't worry. I thought you were busy or still tired from sleeping" he says, and she nods

During the day they often exchange a few words, but both he and the girl try to stay away from each other. Maybe because of embarrassment or maybe because Sae doesn't believe her words, but both of them try to avoid each other as much as possible. While he's doing some chores, his eye often falls on the woman who today seems even prettier, even more huggable, with her torso tight in a black elegant shirt and a black skirt that the more he look at her the more it seems to leave space for her long legs. He doesn't understand how he suddenly finds attractive a person he didn't even know until a few days ago, whose existence he didn't even know existed and whose help he refused for this case. Y/n now seems so familiar that it seems, in his soul, he has known her for years

"Aren't you having lunch?" she asks as she enters the kitchen. He looks up from his papers, watching as she sits down on the table and places her lunchbox on her lap. He swallows, returning to his focus on the papers "I don't have lunch today" he says "Did you forget?" she asks, and he shakes his head "I didn't ask the hotel kitchen to make it for me, last night. That's okay, it's not a big deal" he says, but he hears her sigh "Come here, I can give you a few bites of mine. It's a huge portion anyway" she says, and when Sae looks up to see if he heard correctly, the girl is already motioning for him to come in front of her. Sae stands up a little uncertainly, walking in front of her but keeping a safe distance from her legs dangling off the table. She giggles, placing a spoon full of rice and chicken in front of him "Try it" he says, and as the spoon approaches his mouth, little shivers run down his spine. The taste is good, salty but not too much "Do you like it?" she asks, and he nods "It's good" he says. She continues to feed him a couple more times, when as she is about to do it again she suddenly pulls the spoon back: Sae automatically steps forward to take the spoon, but this only results in him standing between the girl's legs, with his hands on her thighs. Her skin is soft and he involuntarily squeezes it a little, seeing how a light red mark remains on her skin. When he looks up the woman's face, red and uncertain, is dangerously close to his: they both swallow, and only then Sae realize where they stand. When he reluctantly pulls back a bit her arms wrap around his neck and her knees hug his hips, blocking him. Sae looks at her, slowly moving his hands to her waist, trying to notice any sign of trouble that never comes "What are you doing?" she asks quietly, as Sae raises his hands halfway up her torso "Nothing. Do you want me to stop?" he asks looking into her eyes, but she shakes her head "Continue. Go" she says in a whisper

Somehow, his mouth ends up on her neck, where little kisses and bites ruin her perfect skin. Sae doesn't even know why he's doing this, why he's wasting valuable investigation time like this, but feeling her skin, tasting it, now feels like a need. The girl's hands tighten around his hair as she moans something, and this sets off the boy's bells a bit as he slowly lays her down on the table, dropping her lunch on the floor. One of his hands ends up on the small of her back as he lightly squeezes her ass, while the other goes behind her head, to prevent her from banging her head against the wood. His hand moves under her shirt, where he decides to move down to her bra, before feeling her hand take his and place it on her chest. Sae looks at her "Like this?" he asks silently, and she nods "Like this. What are we doing now?" he asks, and Sae's mouth moves down her chest, leaving kisses "I don't know. Sex?" he asks, and she shrugs "You and me? At a crime scene?" she asks "I thought you were into the impossible, since you hugged me yesterday" he says, and this makes her giggle, as she wraps her legs around his waist. As Sae is about to reach down and kiss her jaw, something ruins the mood: a camera falls to the floor, making them both jump. Sae immediately pulls away, and the woman pushes her skirt back down, as far as it will go. What the hell he was about to do, have sex with a stranger? Since when do he let himself go like this, completely ignoring his usual cold nature?

When he looks at the girl, she is already getting off the table and heading towards the kitchen exit, leaving him alone again. Sae sighs, running a hand through his hair as he thinks back to the softness of the girl's skin, how it seemed like he was holding an angel in his arms instead of a simple woman. Why is he suddenly losing the composure that has distinguished him for years, making many people think of him as an unpleasant but always successful person? Why is it that suddenly the only certainty he has is that he finds any excuse to touch the girl? Why is Tokyo genius like this now?

Still feeling the embarrassment swelling in his veins, Sae decides to leave the house first and head to see if the key actually has some truth to give him. He leaves the house, but not before taking a look at the girl who is sitting on the couch, her legs crossed and her gaze trying her best not to stare at him, busy cleaning a frame of one of the many ruined photos. Arriving at the red room an hour and a half later, Sae immediately focuses on the key, which certainly seems to be more reliable evidence after a few days in the black liquid: finally there are some fingerprints on it, but he has to compare them with some others he has to take from the local police research center, possibly secretly since they don't know yet that he did this test. If he wanted he could use a shortcut and simply say he has to do it to see something else, but he doesn't know how stupid the police actually are. He takes the key and puts it in a protective bag, placing it in the inside pocket of his jacket before returning to his hotel room, as it is almost dark by now and the city is falling asleep

Locked in the hotel room, Sae thinks about what he can actually still do to get to the truth: he should find the children, discover the footprint, talk to the woman who continues to reject him but says she loves him, and above all the body is not there yet. Everything he has to do he can only do if he has some other evidence, but it seems to him that the more he finds a little truth the more doubts about the matter increase. If only he could talk to the woman, the strange lady, he would surely know something more. He sighs, picking up his phone and dialing the number, already knowing she won't answer since she apparently enjoys a big lot annoying him

"Aren't you asleep?" asks the voice on the other end, a few rings after dialing the number. Sae is surprised, clearing his throat "Good evening to you too. It's not that, I wanted to talk to you" he says harshly, and hears a light laugh from the other end "With me? In the night? What is it, are you falling in love?. Usually at night we talk about serious, more intimate topics" she says, and he rolls his eyes "I studied psychology for two years, thanks for reminding me of the lesson on the human mind" he says annoyed "You're welcome. So?" she asks, and he sighs "I have to ask you to tell me something else about this case, at least something else. I don't even want to understand anymore why you don't want to see me and why you lied, I don't even want to know why yesterday you said that I was the one who stole your sister's job. But at least have the decency to tell me something else, if you really want me to solve this case" says the boy, and he hates the fact that his tone of voice carries a hint of tiredness. The woman remains silent for a few seconds, then mumbles "Oh, I can tell you're closer than you think. You have practically everything right in front of you and yet you can't solve the case, because you think you don't have anything useful yet" she says, and Sae is puzzled "How do you know I'm close to solving it?" he asks, and she chuckles "You know I know more than I'm letting on" she says, and he perks up "You know the truth, right?" he asks, and she nods "I might. I might know it" she says, and for the umpteenth time, all the certainties he has fall. Sae looks down, trying to process her words "You know the truth and yet you’re making me solve this case" he says tiredly, and she nods happily "That’s the beauty of it all. Don’t you think?" she asks, and he grunts "I don’t see anything beautiful or funny about it. I really don’t understand why you set this up and you know full well that it could have killed your sister" he says muttering, and she sighs "Come on, you're a famous detective, who's been working for years. Is it really that complex to see the truth?" she asks, and he clenches his fists "It is, if you don't speak clearly" he says harshly, but she giggles again, a noise that has become really so annoying "I can only tell you to open your eyes, because you literally have her dead body in front of you"

The annoying sound of the end of the call echoes in his ears, as he looks down and notices that the call has hung up. He involuntarily squeezes the phone between his fingers, throwing it on the mattress before going out onto the bedroom terrace, letting the fresh air give him a little relief after all this annoyance that just one person can cause him. The more the lady talks, the more he wonders if he was really called to solve a murder: her words are so disconnected each time that he now thinks that the murder is just something to cover up something else even more dangerous. What he's solving isn't a murder, not even a case the police rejected, it's a labyrinth which gets bigger every time he talks to the woman. How can he come to a solution if the one who should be honest with him has admitted that she knows the truth? Why is she not solving her sister's case by herself if she knows perfectly well who killed her? Why is Sae in Madrid?

In a few days it will be a week that he has been here, and he has promised himself to take the Monday morning flight back to Tokyo, to return with the knowledge that he has a million in his pocket and a solved case to add to his personal list. Maybe that flight could be delayed, if he doesn't actually hurry up and open his eyes like she said. The only solution is to start going along with the woman's words, and no longer go against her as he has done up to now: it is better to ally, rather than clash

He has the woman's corpse before his eyes. He cannot see it, however, if she is actually talking about a material body. Surely the house still has a lot to tell him, something that it is hiding from him for some reason. What can four walls hide from him?

It's the dead of night, but it doesn't matter. Sae gets in the car and starts driving towards the woman's house, who now more than ever is hiding the truth from him. He has little time left, time that he can no longer use to kiss the skin of his colleague, another woman he will never see again from next week and who he will only remember pleasantly as the first person who hugged him without ulterior motives

It's late at night when he arrives in front of the house, quickly going down and up the stairs that lead to the apartment. He enters like a fury, turning on only the camera and the flashlight of his phone, while he begins to analyze all the rooms of the house with a precision that he has never used in these days, a precision that he should have used from the first minute. He searches carefully, not leaving behind even the grams of dust accumulated on the furniture, also noting in his mind the color of the handles of the wardrobes in the bedroom of the woman and her children. Everything must speak to him, even the way the doors close, even the wind that comes in through the open window in the bathroom. If he has the truth before his eyes and he has finally opened them, let him at least start connecting some clues. After at least two hours he has analyzed all the rooms, and the only thing he has in front of him is the desire to go back to the hotel and refuse the money, because he really can't find out anything he doesn't already know. It's something humiliating, knowing that even though he's finally gone crazy, he still can't see the light, the truth, anything that tells him he's actually solving the situation

He sits in the living room, his fists clenched and hanging. He trembles because he doesn't know how to handle his anger, he who even as a child was never a person who gets carried away by emotions, positive or negative: but now everything seems so black that he doesn't even find the point in calling himself a detective. He can't solve this case, he's understood that by now. He can't solve it, he is not the best jewel of Japan in his category, he is not the detective who years ago was considered the best in his university and his prefecture. The anger becomes so blind that he doesn't even notice when he gets up and grabs a chair, throwing it against the wall "ARE YOU TESTING ME?!" he screams, partly at himself and partly at the mysterious lady. He realizes what he's done when the chair crashes into the wall, breaking some paintings and shattering on the creaky floor. He breathes loudly as he finally comes to, his hands shaking and a little scratched from the cheap wood of the chair, the sound of the crack still ringing in his ears like the girl who gives him headaches. He looks down as he tries to catch his breath, noticing the pieces of the chair scattered on the floor and now broken, a bit like another maze. The outline of the presumed corpse is still drawn on the floor, but in another fit of rage, Sae takes a piece of wood and scratches the floor, erasing the outline and thus the evidence given by the police. He doesn't even know why he's so angry now, when it's all his fault and he's destroying useful evidence, going against detective rules. He's just so tired of everything, tired of being in another city, tired of not being able to do anything, tired of imagining his colleague as his pretty girlfriend, tired of still feeling his past torturing him. Just tired

Still blinded by anger, Sae notices a few seconds later that the wood fails to pass over a particular part of the floor, remaining stuck between the boards and a badly placed nail. This only bothers him more as he tries to push the piece of wood harder, but the result is only him falling on his back thanks to something that pushed him. When he gets up again, he notices how the two floorboards are raised and the nail is now removed, leaving only the floor they were glued to. Sae is about to take the board and slam it against the wall, but he notices that underneath it and the other one there is a trap door. He pauses momentarily, looking at the trapdoor that seems big enough for a human, maybe even a corpse, to fit through. What if he finally found what he was looking for? What if the dead woman was right down there? Is this happening, right now and right here, in front of him?

The trap door is obviously locked, but the key he has in his jacket could be a solution to the problem. He gets up to get his jacket, the key and finally goes back to his knees on the ground, while he puts the key in the lock and turns it

The click indicates that the trap door is open

When he opens it he is surprised to see complete darkness, and he does not know how deep the room below is and whether there is a ladder to go down. He takes the video camera, turning on the light and noticing that the floor is quite close, about two meters below him, reachable if he jumps. Before the camera even records him, he's already jumped in. He lands on the floor with a loud thud, dust rising a bit as he falls. The light from the camera is projected across the room, which doesn't seem much larger than four or five meters, if indeed the light is illuminating the whole room. The stench he smells is not known, although it is probably due to the fact that the room has no windows so it can be aired and because, perhaps, the corpse is actually here. He takes calm, small steps, taking the time to look around the room which has little furniture, except for a mattress and some old clothes

One hand covers his mouth, while another tightens around his neck, blocking him with its elbow. Sae jumps as he feels himself pressed against someone, who is increasingly tightening his grip on his mouth, so much so that he drops the camera from his hand and is unable to breathe properly. The camera falls at his feet, illuminating the person's feet, covered in heels that he has already seen somewhere. The grip on his mouth loosens, but the blade of a knife rests on his lips. His heart stops in his ribcage as he feels the blade press lightly against his lips and jaw, leaving a thin trickle of blood to run down his neck, staining his white sweater. What's happening?

Sae turns slightly, just enough to see the face of the killer, who now knows has been sleeping under his and her colleague eyes the whole time, who he hopes won't come because he doesn't want to cause two deaths tonight. His heart stops

It's his colleague who is threatening him

The woman's face is captured by the camera on the ground, illuminating the light features of her face, now hard from a grimace. The blade sinks in a little deeper, as she looks straight into his eyes "You here too?" he asks sarcastically, and Sae doesn’t know how to respond without sounding more shocked than he already is. He’s breathing hard, the woman’s hand holding his chin now. He swallows, feeling himself break out in a cold sweat "What the hell are you doing?" he asks calmly, though a hint of anxiety is in his voice. The woman looks at him hard for a few seconds, lowering her gaze looking a little torn, but then looking up again, even more serious "I’m doing what you did to me… taking me out" she says seriously, and her words now sound so strange that he doesn't know how to decipher them "Wait, you mean the fact that I didn't want you to work with me in the beginning of all this? Hell, I didn't kn-" he says, but she shushes him "Not now. Years ago"

A slight headache takes hold of him, but Sae is even more confused by the woman's words "Years ago? We didn't know each other..." he says perplexed, but she giggles "You don't remember me? I understand that I've changed a lot, but I thought you would recognize me, sooner or later" she says, and Sae is slowly trying to put together the pieces that are now more scattered and without any logical order. He breathes loudly, and the woman tightens her grip around his chin "But actually, I never promised you anything, not even that I would change from that day on" he says, and the pang that goes straight to his heart is a sign he thought he would never feel again. He turns around more, and in those pretty eyes, he sees the same woman he saved four years ago

He expected the beginning of his final year of university to be calmer, but the professors had immediately started assigning exam after exam, which in reality were not that complex for him. Despite putting in minimal effort and not studying, he had the highest grades of the entire semester. he had spent the holidays at his parents' house with his brother Rin, who had confessed to him that he wanted to become a psychologist and start his career in a small office in Yokohama, he was small at 16 years old but he liked that he was already decided about his future, a bit like Sae had always been. Going back to college had been a bit traumatic due to the sudden change in temperature, but especially considering the message he had received from Josuke a few days before

"I'm dating a really cute girl, one of the lower class of our school. When we get back to college I'll introduce you to her"

Josuke was someone extremely crazy, but he was the only boy he had managed to have a friendly relationship with since the first year of college. He hated everyone in his class, but Josuke was his only friend and therefore he knew how little he was interested in dating. He said that girls were useless to become a good detective, and that he didn't need a girlfriend. Yet now he had one and he wanted him to meet her. As he walked to the campus cafeteria, a little anxiety simmered in his chest for a reason unknown to him. Entering the cafeteria he noticed Josuke's back, and his arm tight along the shoulders of a decidedly shorter girl, sitting next to him

Gulping, Sae walked over to his friend, who greeted him with a smile "It took you a long time! [original name with different spelling] and I were wondering if you’d ever show up!" the boy says and, next to him, a young faced girl smiles at him. Sae raises an eyebrow, clearing his throat and sitting down in front of the couple, who look at him interested "I was just finishing studying..." he says awkwardly, and Josuke chuckles "I knew it! Always so studious. I was telling her how you're the best in the class, she's the best in hers" he says, and the woman nods giggling "Not the best... but one of the best, that's for sure" she says, and the boy kisses her cheek. Sae stares at them a little perplexed, not used to seeing his friend so affectionate, but above all not used to the concept of love: he has never been in a real relationship in 18 years of life, only in those tiny middle school ones where you fight every day and break up for stupid reasons. He didn't know the girl, even though she was apparently one of the best. Not that he actually knew many people. But usually the best ones knew each other

"Anyway, I didn't introduce you two properly" he says, and Sae comes back to reality, nodding "Sae Itoshi, that's his name" he says, and the woman looks at him interestedly "Sae? Nice to meet you!" she says, and he nods, a little embarrassed "It is for me too" he says. The couple talks for a while about how they met, and from the little he understands, they simply met at the beginning of the holidays and spent them together in two neighboring houses, in a prefecture far from his. They got back together a week before, decided to become a couple and Josuke talked about how Sae was his best friend. The boy didn't mind being labeled as his best friend, but he wasn't used to labels like that, which he honestly considered useless

"Anyway, exams start in a few days. You should study" Sae says after a while, and Josuke nods "I know. I need them to become a detective and after all, it's our last year, we have to work hard" he says, and Sae nods "Definitely. The goal is to get caught by the police right after school, so we can work right away" he says, and the girl adds "I have more or less the same goal as you. But I'll have to study for another year" she says sarcastically, and Josuke laughs "You're one of the best, you'll probably pass the exams with an excellent grade like Sae always does" he says, and Sae shrugs "If she's good, probably yes" he says and the girl smiles at him "You're a narcissist for not thanking for the compliment" she says, and Sae looks up, puzzled "Excuse me?" he asks, and the woman giggles "I mean, when you get a compliment you always have to say thank you. It's like if they told me I'm a pretty girl, I'd say thank you. I'd be more annoyed if they told me I had memory lapses, and I wouldn't say thank you" she says, and the boy looks at Josuke perplexed, who shrugs a little embarrassed "It's more narcissistic that you wanted to explain something to me that I absolutely didn't ask you" he says, and the girl automatically pulls his cheek a little. Josuke intervenes, putting down his cup of black tea "Okay okay, maybe the two geniuses don't get along..." he says, while Sae glares at the girl. He gets up, leaving few cents on the coffee table and taking his bag with his books inside "I'm going back to study. Thanks for introducing me to her, even if I wasn't willing to meet a narcissist" he says leaving the table and the cafeteria

Turning back, he notices how Josuke is now arguing with the girl, but he is too far away to hear them and honestly he doesn't even care what they are saying. His first impression was not positive at all, but he shouldn't see and go out with the girl just because she is the girlfriend of his current best friend. The less he see her, the less annoying she will be

Only a few weeks later he gets to see the girl again, while she's changing classrooms with Josuke at her side. The girl comes over and leaves a kiss on the boy's cheek, making him stop and consequently Sae too, who looks at them puzzled. Josuke smiles at her "Sorry again about yesterday" he says, but she shakes her head, smiling at him "It's okay. It wasn't a big deal" she says, then leaves a few minutes later. The two of them walk back, and while Sae shouldn't care, he finds himself wondering what he apologized for "Not that I care, but why did you apologize?" he asks, and Josuke chuckles "I stood her up for a date yesterday afternoon. Nothing major" he says, and even though his friend looks down, Sae has no reason not to believe him. The girl also seemed calm, without problems

Three weeks later, the results of the beginning of the semester tests are finally out, posted on the school website. Sae isn't even surprised to see his name at the top of the list, but he is quite surprised to see Josuke's near the bottom, having barely passed the test. Out of curiosity he also checks the girl's results, and is surprised to see that she is indeed the best of her semester. Josuke is not someone who gets low grades, but rather average or even high. He probably hasn't studied much, but he knows perfectly well that these grades are the most important of his school years, since in a few months they will have finished university. Usually he's the one asking Sae out to eat to celebrate, but seeing the results, the boy decides not to expect a message from his friend this time, who he hasn't seen for a week anyway. He knows that he has temporarily moved into the apartment where the girl lives, since his is flooded due to a sewer problem. But beyond this information, he has neither seen him in class nor heard from him via messages, absolutely nothing, total silence

A few days later, he is surprised to see him walking outside in the garden, lost in who knows what thoughts. Sae decides to approach "Hey. Are you still alive?" he asks sarcastically, but when Josuke turns around, he notices large dark circles under his eyes. Sae swallows a little, surprised "Didn't you sleep?" he asks, and the boy shakes his head, rubbing his eyelids "I spent my time studying, I saw the results of the exams and decided I had to try harder. What a shit" he says, and Sae sighs, a little calmer "I understand. You know that if you want I can help you study, right?" he asks, but he shakes his head "No need. See you" he says, and for the first time since he's known him, Sae thinks the boy is annoyed by his presence or his grades. He shrugs, walking the other way, heading towards the food vending machines that are in the most hidden corner of the school, for some unknown reason. Arriving, he is surprised to see Josuke's girlfriend, busy passing a cold bottle over her arm. Sae steps forward, taking some pennies and ignoring her, only to turn around after inserting the number of food items "Are you okay?" he asks, and she looks up, acknowledging him. He sees a bit of panic in her eyes "I'm fine. Thank you" she says, and Sae bends down to take the food "You actually say thank you when they ask you for something" he says sarcastically, and she giggles slightly "See" she says, but in front of the girl's eyes another cold bottle appears "Here. I think that one got warm" Sae says, but the girl shakes her head "Wait, did you pay?" she says and he shrugs "I would have done it with any other colleague of mine, any other classmate of mine" he says, insisting on the bottle that the girl finally takes, putting the now warm one down. Moving the bottles, the boy notices a large bruise on her arm, which alarms him a little "Fall?" he asks referring to the arm, and she nods "I was going down the stairs at home and I fell" she says, and even though Sae is part of a university course that recognizes wounds on dead bodies and knows that a bruise like that cannot be caused by a simple fall, he nods

Four months pass when the midterm exam results come out, where Sae and the girl are once again the top of their class. Josuke, on the other hand, didn't even pass them this time. Sae knows that Josuke's house is no longer flooded, but he also knows that he still lives with his girlfriend, who suddenly studies from home and only shows up for exams, which are always different days than Sae's. He doesn't even know why he asked some of the guys in her class this question, but since he last saw her four months ago, something has clicked in him: for some reason, the bruise on her arm has been bothering him for a few nights, especially knowing she didn't get it by falling. After doing some research he discovered that in the girl's class there is a much older boy who has a history of domestic violence, but it is impossible that it is him since she now studies from home. He hasn't seen Josuke for a while, they've gone out a few times since that strange day, but he's always avoided the topic of his girlfriend for some reason

It's evening when Sae is in the kitchen and hears the doorbell of his house, the small apartment near his university: noticing the time he wonders if it's Josuke since he's usually the one who invites himself at strange hours, but he's surprised to open the door and see the girl, who looks at him with a face full of tears. Sae is a little paralyzed when he sees her, mostly wondering how she knows where he lives, but her face wet from tears breaks something inside him, as he signals her to come in "What happened?" he asks, and the girl stops in front of him, still sobbing "I tried to resist, I know he loves me, I know! But it hurts when he gets angry, he says it doesn't make sense that since he met me he always fails his exams, that I'm a bad flu-" she says breathing hard "But this time, this time... he did it again, again!" she says, throwing herself into the boy's arms, who at first doesn't know what to do. He slowly hugs her, even though he's never hugged a woman around his age. Even though he doesn't ask, Sae knows exactly what she's talking about, and he doesn't want to ask further because he knows it might make her cry even more: he simply hugs her, holding her close to him even though he is certainly not the best person to seek comparison with, or even simple comfort

"I know I shouldn't come here, I know that perfectly. I acted like a narcissist the first day I met you, but that's just because I thought you'd have fun standing up to me. Josuke always says that you're the person he trusts the most so I thought that maybe... maybe you'd help me too" she says whispering, and Sae caresses her head, still holding her close to him "You did well. Don't worry" he says, even though he doesn't really know how to solve this problem, too big for his age. He didn't expect Josuke to be that kind of person, and for this reason he's a little disappointed but above all bitter, but he's studying to become a detective and he knows perfectly well that often the guilty one is the one who shows it the least. He sighs, sitting on the couch with her still pressed to his chest, as awkward as the situation is and she remains the girlfriend of what is perhaps no longer his best friend. He tightens his hands on her waist, letting her calm down while she still sobs, until she falls asleep. Is all this really fair or not?

Unintentionally, Sae also falls asleep, with her still in his arms and a lump in his throat that is difficult to untie. The next morning he is surprised to find the girl already up, pacing around the living room nervously. Sae wakes up quickly, clearing his throat as he looks at her "Good morning. What are you doing...?" he asks, and the woman turns to him "I have to, or he'll kill me, I'm sure" she says, and Sae raises his head "Do what?" he asks surprised, but she comes closer "Run away"

The girl's tone of voice, serious and precise, doesn't leave much room for replies, whether favorable or unfavorable. Even though Sae knows she's right, he doesn't know how it's possible to do so since they study at the same university "What do you think you're going to do? Pick up and move, I don't know, to the south of the country?" he asks, but the girl shakes her head "Not that, I've been thinking about it all night. We both study detective and we know how cases like that end, I don't want to be another victim. I have to run away to another country to become another person" she says, and the tightness in his chest becomes so great that even he, who is always calm and composed, is shocked "You're kidding, right? How do you think this is possible?" he asks babbling, standing up and crossing his arms, but the girl shakes her head "I'll make it possible. I still have a life, Sae. I still have a chance" she says, and Sae forces himself to look down, not really knowing how to react to something like that. How did he end up in a situation like this, with his best friend's girlfriend who turned out to be a piece of shit, telling him she was about to run away, in who knows what other country becoming who knows who?. Sae clenches his fists, shaking his head "No. There must be another solution, you can't come to a conclusion like that" he says, but she looks at him sadly "There isn't, Josuke is obsessed. I already know that he didn't study at all for next month's exams, which are the finals. He will fail and I already know what he will do since he will be angry..." she says, and at the mere thought, Sae shivers like a baby

An uncomfortable silence forms between them both, with the girl's face looking at him pleadingly and his thoughts wandering around the misconception he had until that moment about his best friend. How can a situation change so much, in such a short time? He knows exactly what is going through the girl's mind right now, but at the same time, he doesn't know how to act without appearing biased, even though he clearly is after discovering Josuke's behavior. He sighs, sitting back down "Look. Make a plan, let me read it and understand it and I'll tell you if it's feasible... but beyond that, I don't want to get into the situation" he says tiredly, and when he looks up, the girl is crying again. He gets alarmed as he gets up to get closer, but she starts smiling at him through her tears, kissing his hands "I really don't know how to say thank you, Sae. I really don't" she says between sobs, and even if these are tears of joy, he can't help but hug her another time since yesterday and hope that everything will actually go well, maybe even without such a drastic solution for the girl

For the next few days, the only contact he had with the girl was thanks short messages from her letting him know when Josuke was coming home, creating a ruse where Sae would call his friend to ask him stupid questions, to which he knew the answer, but which only served to distract him. The anxiety she had on a daily basis had increased significantly, and he had spent several sleepless nights wondering whether he was actually doing the right thing by participating in something like that, which was perhaps even illegal given that she was still 17 and he was only 18. But every time he imagined what was happening to the girl behind closed doors his doubts disappeared, only to return shortly after, repeating the same cycle for hours and hours of stress and second thoughts

Two weeks had passed when he was leaving his classroom and found the girl waiting for him. Sae approaches, surprised "How long have you been here?" he asks, and the girl comes up to him "Not too long. Do you have a minute?" she asks, and he nods as they head into the now empty classroom. He knows exactly why she wants to talk to him, and now that it's happening, his second thoughts are getting the better of him: the girl sits down, he in front of her while a sheet of paper passes under his eyes. He grabs it, spending ten minutes reading it in religious silence, trying not to make too many strange faces as the reading becomes more serious. He puts the paper on the table, and she looks at him anxiously "So...?" she asks, and he lowers his head "Are you really sure? Because... because it's doable" he says, even though admitting it is a bit of a defeat. She smiles, her eyes shining "Do you really believe that?" she asks, and he nods, taking the paper once more "Unfortunately or fortunately yes, but I don't understand why you don't specify the destination and the name you want to take once you change countries" he asks, and the girl smiles again, but doesn't answer. Sae tilts his face, perplexed "So?" he asks, but she shakes her head "It's a secret for everyone. When I say change, I mean for everyone" she says, and as much as Sae is slightly annoyed, he nods "Okay"

He doesn't understand why even he, who is the only one who knows about all this and her bad situation, who is going against Josuke, can't know such a tiny thing, so small. But asking for more information at the moment is quite useless, so it's better to keep quiet and accept it, as annoying as it is

"Have you decided when you're leaving?" he asks, and she nods "Give me a week. A week and the world will never know about me again, as if I had never existed, never"

A week later it's a clear night, with the stars brighter than usual. He doesn't know why he decided to show up here, if he knows he'll never see her again. The February cold makes him a little dizzy, as he drags the two suitcases of the woman in front of him, who is carrying another. Today she seems like the most beautiful and serene woman in the world, everyone would think this if they didn't know that she is about to become another person that he doesn't know and will never know absolutely anything about. Even though his chest is heavy, her smile is light, even if a bruise appears under his eye

"Do you have everything?" Sae asks, leaving her bags in front of the small private plane, which will take only her to the unknown destination. She nods, glancing at the bags and then looking up at Sae, who is still taller than her "Absolutely yes. I have everything" she says serenely, and Sae thinks that it's probably the first time he's seen her talk like this, so happy. He's glad that his last memory of her paints her like this, like every girl in the world should be, but his heart is slowly abandoning him, still affected by doubts that now return only in rare but painful moments. He looks at her more than necessary, wanting to imprint within himself the image of the girl he is helping to escape but who in fact he has never had the chance to know well: tonight she is like a star

Involuntarily, Sae takes her hand and kisses it, but then feels her palm move to his cheek, where he feels it caressed. He smiles slightly, as he lets himself be lulled a little by the sensation of warmth, however minimal and not infinite. The girl looks at him, her lips pulled into a smile that is perhaps preventing her from crying, before breaking away and going towards the man who has to fly the plane, who is waiting for her outside. Sae dies a little inside when the contact ends, but he knows it's time to go, to finally let her free, be a brillant star

As Sae is about to turn around with a small tear running down his cheek, he hears the captain speaking loudly, along with the girl. He turns back, coming closer "Any problem?" he asks, and the girl is in a panic, shaking "He said... that I need the approval of an official member of the country's detective congress. Without it... without it I can't leave" she says, and for the second time this evening, his world collapses. The girl's panicked face confuses him, her words temporarily block his mind, understanding what the sentence he just heard actually means. He begins to tremble involuntarily too, feeling as if he were holding his breath, sinking deeper and deeper into the cold, deep water that is strangling him. The light comes only a few seconds later, when he takes out a badge from his jacket, which he knows is his last chance. The captain sees it, calms down, and enters the plane waiting for the woman

In his hands, the badge he received from the congress a few days earlier for being the best at the university in the last 25 years, shines. The heart slowly calms down, and the feeling of apnea is eliminated when the woman's face finally stops shaking, while she too reads what is written. They remain silent, before she bursts into tears, holding onto the boy's arms that this time take her, holding her close as if it were a matter of life. He doesn't even hear the words she says, but the fact of still having her here momentarily calms him down

"Thanks for everything, Sae" she says in his ear, and he kisses her forehead gently. When the woman finally breaks away and enters the plane, which leaves soon after, Sae finds himself alone for the first time in weeks, no longer used to the feeling of having someone seeking his approval, who cares about him, who seeks comfort in his arms. Sae is seriously alone this time

The tears he had been holding back before fall silently as he makes his way back to his car and sleep for at least a few hours, if his mind and thoughts allow it. Did he seriously just let her go without asking him anything about himself? Why is he only thinking about this now?. As he gets back into his car, an email notification surprises him: his final test results are out, he has officially graduated from college, and he is top of his class, of his semester, of his school. Ironic that he is feeling joy now that he is probably at the lowest point of his life, sitting in a car in an airport parking lot. He notive how Josuke did not pass the year, which he will have to repeat

When he exits the email message while rubbing his eyes, he notices another one he hasn't read, from the day the girl showed up at his door. He usually reads all his emails in the evening, that's why he forgot about it. Opening it, he is surprised to read that it is an email sent personally by the Tokyo Police Department, offering to take him in after he finishes college. The message specifies that they had been keeping an eye on him for a year and that the email was actually intended for someone else, who however turned out to have dropped out in his penultimate year, letting the choice fall right on Sae, who doesn't breathe when he reads the name of the person the police were originally targeting

The name of the woman who just disappeared shines in capital letters, with a photo of her from the school website

The same woman he's had nightmares about for years, the one he's dreamed of talking to again, is finally right before his eyes. Yet, all the words he's always dreamed of saying to her, won't come out. Maybe because she's threatening him, maybe because he's too shocked to even speak. He finally understands why he has always noticed minimal similarities, starting from the name and the skin he has already kissed in the past. But she has changed so much that now seeing her makes him wonder if it's really her, also because he doesn't understand why she should treat him like that "You..."

"You recognized me! It took you a while, though" she chuckles, and Sae doesn't really know what to say or do. He swallows, standing still "How... how have you been?" he asks, and she tightens her grip "Great! Spain is really beautiful" she says, as if this is a normal situation for them. Sae nods tensely, breathing slowly "And... and why are we like this?" he asks, and the trickle gets longer "Are you seriously asking me that?" she asks, and he nods a little puzzled "Why are you doing this?"

The girl sighs, taking her time, which however seems infinite "Did you really think I wouldn't find out that you had taken my role at the police station?. I didn't want to find out, but two weeks after I was already here I wanted to see how you were, tell you where I was because I really understood that it was worth telling you... and I find out that you took my job? A job that I didn't even know anything about?" she asks, and Sae sweats coldly, remaining silent "I saw how you acted with your new uniform, an office all your own, great salary. It was meant for me, for my dream, instead as soon as you found out about it you did everything to send me away, get rid of me even if it cost you to do something illegal. How narcissistic can you be?" she says, and the grip increases. Sae listens to her words and the reasoning she has made makes him seriously think that she's stupid, which in reality is not the case if she has been living for herself for years now "What? Do you really think that?" he asks, bewildered, and she in response throws him to the ground, making him land on the floor. She climbs on top of him, the object still in her hand "Don't... don't..." she stammers, but Sae recognizes a hint of uncertainty in her words, an uncertainty he has seen often on her face since he vented to her, ending up talking about a situation they both actually knew. Sae swallows "It didn't happen like that, I found out later-" he says "Shut up!" she screams

The boy finds himself wondering if this isn't a movie, one he didn't know he was the protagonist of. The girl's face is tense, but at the same time, he doesn't understand how all this could have happened: why he feel like he's holding his breath like that night with her, in front of the plane?. Talking to her now would be useless, he knows well how crime scenes work, and often talking can only lead to a quicker end, more fast

"I... I'm the lady, I called you to solve the case... a case that doesn't exist, because in reality I'm also the victim. Thanks to my work at the Madrid police center I was able to find all the information I needed, about the fake children and organize the crime scene. I faked all of this, from the phone calls to our first meeting here. I did it only... only to have the chance to make you regret stealing my job" she says, the object pointed at his chest, but the blow doesn't come. Sae looks at her and sees how the same sobbing eyes that called for his help years ago are now in front of him again, older, but still hers. The boy can do nothing but quickly gather information, which the more it becomes the more it shocks him: he recognizes the same girl in small moments that they have lived together here, he recognizes the same way of speaking, acting, joking, confirming to him that beyond this crazy plan she has finally become the shining star she wanted to be so much. He can understand her point of view, however wrong, and he can't help but accept it even if it means his death. He is not afraid of dying, if it is her, then it's okay for him to end his journey here

The girl's eyes already speak enough for his tastes: uncertainty is devouring her, a bit like Sae who can't explain why he didn't connect the clues before, really before his eyes as she told him, pretending to be the lady of all this mess. She knows the reality as it is, he spoke to her in a subtle way but the words were enough to make her understand how he has been thinking about her for all these years, how much he wanted to talk to her again also because of the second thoughts. From the day they spoke she has obviously become more uncertain of her plan, knowing the reality but still convinced that she can eliminate him, without regret

"Why are you smiling?" the woman asks, and Sae hadn't even noticed. Her tone is shaky, she's showing how uncertain she actually is about this whole plan that has stolen so much of her time, if not years. Her tears fall down his face, and he can't help but close his eyes "Because I found you again" he says serenely, and when he opens his eyes again, the woman is completely sobbing like the 17 year old girl who cried in his arms years ago. She doesn't let go of the object, but he notices that her grip has loosened, more shaky like her mood "Don't fucking smile... don't do that, when I'm..." she says, but a bigger sob forces her to drop the weapon, throwing it aside as she clings to him, sobbing against his sweater. It takes Sae a few seconds to realize what's happening, to realize that his life probably won't end today. His hand makes its way up her back, massaging her as she continues to cry "You know too that the real truth is mine, and not yours. I would never have done it if I had known it was you" he whispers, and involuntarily he too cries a few tears in the darkness of the room. As much as he tries to ignore the feeling that she is still out to kill him, the fact that the same girl he may have been in love with is finally here again calms him down a bit

There is one exam in particular that he remembers, one of the first he took during his third year of university, the only exam he failed once. He had taken the exam with the wrong conviction, perhaps a little out of pride in his future profession or perhaps a little out of skepticism, and the result had been so pitiful that none of his professors had spoken to him about it again. He would like so much to tell the old him from years ago that that test was truthful, that that percentage was real

Often the first killers are detectives, driven by the madness of solving the most important and difficult case of their career

ও words: 23.203

[millie-multifics]

Miles to Go

Jack Abbot x f!Attending!Reader

Jack got you to the ED, now he has to get you in the ED.... only things are a little more complicated between you now.

Warnings: Mentions of violence and injuries, medical inaccuracies, yearning and a slight jealous Jack.

Word Count: ~1.2k

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Previous (Hour 0) | Next

New Readers: This is technically Part 2, view Hour Zero first.

Comments are always welcome, encouraged even.

Edited: 05/24/25

x x x

Hour One: Not Calm, Cool, Nor Collected

4:00am

If anyone asked Jack what was happening between you two, what had happened- he would be honest when he said he did not know. It had snuck up on him, something he did not particularly like as he was a man of planning and being prepared. He had not felt it right away; it had built overtime under a harsh layer of denial and excuses.

He could vaguely recall you walking into the ED as a cautious third year Medical Student. A rotation you had originally greeted with skepticism as it was the opposite of the calm pediatric and family rotations you had most recently completed. He did not recall seeing you much, a few shared comments on cases during shift change, nothing significant. You had fallen in love with the chaos of the ER and were ecstatic when you had been matched for residency with the very hospital that had lit the spark.

Jack’s recollection of the start of your residency was clearer in his memory. One of three new doctors ready to practice on a lengthening leash. He was naturally a calculating person, inspecting the group of fresh-faced Doctors as he finished his charts for the night.

John Shen sipped on an iced coffee, much too large and sugary to be consumed on shift without causing a shaky hand or excessive bathroom breaks. Leo Bryant seemed to have the energy of a puppy, speaking a million miles a minute to get introductions out of the way. Then there was you. Eyes already studying the board, searching for your name as Dana assigned patients to the dayshift. Cool, calm, and collected- or so it seemed until Jack spotted the slight shake of your fingers as you adjusted the newly printed badge hanging from your scrubs.

You were dedicated; any shift, any day, coming in early and working late, weekends and being the first to volunteer to work any holiday. Robby had to pull you aside about six months in, advise you to relax and accept your days off. Balance would be the only way to survive with the high intensity demands of The Pitt.

You had experience plenty of mentorship from Doctors Robby and Abbot, which was one of the reasons you had switched to the night shift during your third year of residency. While Robby was a great doctor and dedicated teacher, Abbot encouraged residents to learn with a more hands-on approach. The switch was not a move that Abbot would complain about; he had discovered that despite the nervous shake of your hands on your first day, you were indeed cool, calm, and collected. You were able to assess patients with speed and ease, not shying away from any case that seemed intimidating or unusual. You did what was necessary when it was necessary and always asked questions to better understand procedures and treatments.

The proximity brought new understanding between you and Jack. Trading medical journals and articles to in depth conversations about patient care became teasing remarks and buying an extra coffee on the way to work. You knew that he preferred his coffee black and near scolding while he always handed over your sweeter, luke-warm coffee order with a disapproving shake of his head.

He had originally been scheduled to work on your first night as an Attending, but due to his abundance of overtime, Gloria had him take the night off.

When Robby had called him in the morning with the news of your injuries, his overlooked feelings became unbearably known as the fibres in his chest tugged tight with panic and worry.

You could feel Jacks eyes on you, calculating your body in a way only a doctor could. It was like you could feel his pupils fluctuate as his eyes sweep over the slight crook in your nose along the bridge where it had broken, drifting over your scrub hidden clavicle and ribs to inspect whether you still hunched from their uncomfortable ache then to your shoes to see whether they would be good support for your leg throughout the long shift. He might have missed the scar along your brow if you had not turned to look at him, the brightness of the healed tissue contrasting your natural skin tone under the lights.

You met Abbot’s stare, catching a split second of vulnerability in his eyes before he looked away, needing to look anywhere other than your sad eyes. His chest tugged uncomfortably as he recalled your last encounter.

It had been in your apartment about a month ago. Bodies close, pupils glazed and frantic with heaving chests - but not in the way either of you secretly wanted. You had yelled first, finally losing your cool after weeks of keeping the tidal wave of emotions at bay. He had not meant to, but his voice raised to meet your volume, and you had flinched.

“I’m sorry.” The words were quiet as they left your lips, hanging in the silence of the ambulance bay.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was deep with a slight roughness, just like you remembered. “Like I said then, just because it’s expected of us to be okay, doesn’t mean we have to be.”

His words were gentle, softer than anything you had ever heard leave his mouth. Soothing in the way he had intended them to be a month ago in the morning light of your apartment. Before he had left to give you space, too much space that you had not asked for. A month with no calls and no texts after two months of him spending more than half his days at your apartment.

“There’s fresh coffee in the staff lounge. I know you refuse to turn on your coffee maker if you have a guest over.” His gaze challenging, wondering if he had imagined the potential in the quiet moments shared in your apartment as you healed. “You’ll start in triage today.”

“How did you-?” Your brain scattered, wondering how he knew you had an overnight guest. “Wait, triage? Isn’t that a resident’s job?” You scoffed, hiking the strap of your bag further on your shoulder as you followed him through the automatic doors.

“If you seen the amount of people in chairs right now, you would understand that I’m not trying to baby you.”  He paused, “Besides, in this ED you should know by now that every task is important.”

A wave of shame washed over you at the slight scold, that had been one of the first lessons taught as a medical student. No matter the task, the case or the patient, nothing was beneath you. You sighed as you watched him walk away, leaving you standing in the centre of the Pitt.

His plan seemed to be working so far; get you to the ED and into the ED. He was not surprised to find you standing outside, caught in the purgatory that was physical and emotional turmoil, something he was all too familiar. Though you did not hate triage, you would just rather be working cases and clearing beds than suturing fingers from the dull blade of a kitchen knife, telling a flu patient that hydration and rest would be their best friend or sending away disgruntled patients that google had convinced they were dying. He knew assigning you to chairs would push your buttons, aiming for it to distract you enough to lure you inside the building unnoticed.

x x x

Tags: @nosebeers @eugene-emt-roe

[angelprinz]

boyfriends who are enamoured by you.

can’t disobey a thing you say, just in case you pout and whine (they love it when you do but they can’t let others see, can they? what if someone wants to whisk you away? no, that sight is for them only when they’re fucking you stupid.)

boyfriends who drop everything to do as you ask, “can you hold my bag? can you leave your friends n come give me a ride? can you lemme sit in ur lap all day??? can you come over and eat me out? can you give me a head pat? can you buy this game for me?” before you even finish your sentence it’s done <333

my favourite type of bf!!! they listen so well and are so obsessed with you!!! grabs their phone the moment it buzzes just in case it’s a text from you!!

“this lecture is so boring… do you wanna make out in the bathroom? it’s room30A.”

doesn’t matter if he’s studying for exams or with his classmates for a groups assignment, he’s packing up with an excuse and rushing over with a boner just for you <3

‘m thinking albedo, childe, xiao, kazuha, scaramouche, thoma, itto, lyney !!! which other genshin boy is like this? let me know.

dark content blog warning!!! 18+ only, minors don’t interact.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Mad Season ❄ Story B

Warnings: non/dubcon, social anxiety, chronic illness, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: this is Bucky’s side of the story.

Summary: a class project gets messy. (short!reader)

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“You get some good sleep,” Bucky says as he lingers behind you. You jingle your keys, nearly dropping them as you fish them from your bag. “I’ll be back for my jacket tomorrow.” 

“Right, er, you can just take it now,” you turn back and he puts his hand up. 

“Just in case, you hold onto it,” his lips curve slightly. “I told ya, I’m sweatin’ in this weather.” 

“Oh, okay,” you hate to argue, especially after he’s been so nice. He even walked you off campus. “Uh, thanks... I... I feel better.” 

“That’s good, doll. Didn’t even know you were upset? Something I should know about?” He wonders. 

You shake your head. You don’t want to think about Peter, let alone mention him. “No, just... college stuff.” 

“Ah, got a big assignment? Is that what you and the kid are working on?” He asks. 

“Mhmm,” you glance away evasively. “Yeah, homework.” 

“Didn’t do much school myself. Was an army brat. Hung around the base, did some smuggling, then I ended up babysitting the little twerp we now know as Captain America,” he scoffs. “Well, that was ages ago. I almost forget...” he shrugs then raises a hand and snaps his fingers, “oh, uh, not to be too forward, you want my number? For emergencies.” 

You hesitate. It’s probably a good idea. He’s leaving his coat and you’re not sure how long your study group will take tomorrow. 

“Um, okay,” you slip out your phone and shiver as you step back down the walk. “I’ll text you... number?” 

He takes out his phone and crackles out a tiny laugh, “you know, I can remember my US Army number, can’t for the life of me keep this one in my head.” He taps and scrolls, “here we are.” 

He reads out the numbers and you tap them in. You add him as a contact and open a conversation. You send him a smiley. 

“Amazing. Now I can tell Steve I got a pretty girl’s number,” he chuckles. You look at him in surprise. He cringes, “woof, not as smooth as I used to be. Anyway, I’ll be around. Let me know when I can pick the coat up.” 

“S-sure.” You agree. 

“You have a good night, doll,” he stays where he is, planting his feet as he watches you expectantly. 

You head up the walk and your keys tinkle once more as you unlock the door and push inward. You glance over your shoulder as he watches. He nods. It’s nice of him to make sure you’re safe. You give a wave then go inside. 

You’re just happy to be back at your dorm.  

❄ 

You wake up early despite the late night. You’ve never been very good at sleeping in. You get washed up, take your meds, and get dressed in a pair of wool tights and a cozy knit dress. As you go to leave, you stop short. Bucky’s fleece-lined leather hangs on the chair. You wonder what happened to your jacket. 

The winds whistle outside your window. You don’t have any other coats, just the one. You shrug on the loose leather and zip it up. It smells a bit like cedar.  

You get out the door early enough to buy a tea at the cafe on your way to the library. Your group for your lab is all there but one. You sit down but they hardly seem to notice. You don’t know how you’ll get anything done when they just stare blankly when you read out the instructions. 

You muddle through. It’s awkward because they all seem to know each other but none of them are very nice to you. In the end, you’re stuck with most of the work and they’re talking about the movie theatre. 

You pack up and they leave in pairs. You stand and grab the leather coat, hugging it under your arm as you check your phone. You’re going to check out a few shelves before you head off. 

As you push in the chair with your hip, a message blips up in the top of the screen. Bucky. You don’t get to read his message before your name pulls your head up. 

“Hey, been looking for you,” Peter says. “Got your coat...” He squints as his eyes fall to the coat over your arm. “That’s a bit big, isn’t it?” 

“Oh, it’s... borrowed.” 

“Borrowed? From who?” 

“Doesn’t matter,” you say as your scalp tingles. “Thanks for bringing that back.” 

You reach for your coat but he does the same and latches onto the leather. You try to tug both away. He yanks Bucky’s coat away and shakes it out. He snorts as he looks it up and down. His eyes snap up derisively and he throws it on the ground. 

“How the hell did you get that?” He growls. 

“I...” 

“No, why the hell are you carrying around his coat? He’s an old fucking man.” 

“Peter,” you bend to pick up the coat. 

“I’m not stupid. His dumb pin is on it. No wonder you ran out last night. You act like I’m the one messing around and you’re sneaking around with Bucky Barnes?” He sneers. 

“I wasn’t sneaking--” You lift the coat and hold it against yours. You back up as you pout at him. “Why are you yelling?” 

“I told you I liked you and now you’re walking around in another guy’s coat. Why wouldn’t I?” He pauses and looks around, only then aware of his audience. “Oh, right, it’s a library.” He speaks louder as he throws his arms out, “guess I need to be quiet!” 

You cringe and turn back to swipe up your bag. You keep your head down as your heart races and your breath begins to burn your chest. You turn back but can’t look at him. You keep a wide breadth as you step around him, bracing for him to do something.  

He just snarls as you pass, “you’re such a baby.” 

You hurry out, cheat thumping, head spinning, each step faster than the next. When at last you get to the first floor and burst out onto campus, your temples are pulsing. You struggle to untangle your bag from the coats and finally bury your hand deep inside. You take out your puffer but it slips from your frantic grasp. 

It bounces across the pavement and you cough and wheeze. Before you can reach for it, someone else does. You look up at Bucky as he stands straight. He looks you up and down and holds it out, “whatsa matter, doll?” 

You take it eagerly and suck on the end, puffing several times. He moves to block the wind as it whips around you. You finally steady yourself and hug the coats. 

“N-nothing,” you utter, “here. I have your coat.” 

He eyes you wearily as you pull his coat from under yours and hold it out. He takes it reluctantly as his mouth slants, “thanks. Where you off to?” 

“Just... groceries,” you shiver as you open your coat. 

“Groceries it is,” he says, “I’ll carry your bags.” 

You’re too out of it to protest. You need to get out of there before Peter catches up to you. You’re embarrassed after the scene he made in the library and you don’t need another. You just nod and pull your sleeves up your arms. 

“Thank you,” you murmur. 

[lunaatthezoo]

Original Ao3 Works

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She'll Wait No Longer (COMPLETED): After Rhys forbids Azriel to pursue Elain, he must navigate his ever-growing feelings for her, their desire to be together in the open, court politics, Elain's mating bond, and new dangers to Elain.

10 chapters; emotionally-driven smut; exclusively Azriel POV; mostly canon-compliant

What None Saw (COMPLETED): SWNL prequel; missing Elriel scenes from ACOWAR up to Azriel's bonus chapter. In my reimagining, Nesta is not exiled to the House of Wind (but the rest of her story and relationship with Cassian remains the same), and Nyx does not exist (I'm so sorry I just didn't feel like working it in lol, no shade to bb Nyx).

11 chapters; canon-adjacent (almost compliant); heavy yearning; missing moments; alternating Elain & Azriel POV

She'll Wait No Longer~ Bonus Chapters (COMPLETED): Exactly what did Azriel do the 6 times he made love to Elain Archeron during their secret tryst in the garden? Each BC will follow Ch 8 of SWNL to find out EXACTLY how he f!cked her 6 times. Pure feral smut.

6 chapters; SNWL universe; mixed Azriel & Elain POV

Now that death will grow my jasmine (COMPLETED): Five years have passed since the events of ACOSF. Elain Archeron has rejected her mating bond and married Azriel. She has come into her power with the help of a trusted teacher, and she has scores to settle. She uses her powers, her strength, and her courage to right some wrongs. She moves not in anger, but in justice.

4 chapters; canon-compliant; Elain-POV; dark/spooky/murderous; dark themes; mild smut

The Light Between Sin and Salvation (WIP): Azriel works for the mafia under his brother Rhysand, the boss of the family. After Rhys marries Feyre and she has a target painted on her back, he assigns his brothers Cassian and Azriel to guard her two older sisters in case of retaliation from rival families. Azriel begrudgingly accepts the job, but everything changes when he meets brown-eyed, sweet, mysterious Elain. He must contend with his unexpected feelings, keep Elain safe, and, above all, avoid letting her into the bloodthirsty world of the mafia.

30/? chapters; modern Mafia AU; Azriel-POV; dark romance; emotionally-driven smut; Nessian/Feysand/Mor/Cerridwen/Nuala sideplots

Tarot + Chocolate (WIP): There is more than meets the eye in the city of Velaris. Magic lays hidden in plain sight, recognized only by wielders, the rest of the citizens ignorant to the supernatural goings on in the city. Elain is a confident magic wielder, using her powers of Sight and earthwork to make a living as a fortune teller, living a simple, peaceful life despite the recent heartbreak she has endured. Azriel is an aloof financial manager at a business firm, adamantly opposed to anything that cannot be unequivocally proven by the scientific method and rational thought. But when he meets Elain, Azriel's commitment to rationality begins to fray as she slowly awakens something that has been crawling beneath his skin since childhood. Something he has spent years denying, refusing to remember, refusing to explore. And when Elain meets Azriel, her Sight begins to show her flashes of her past life, a past life where something terrible and tragic happened, and she fears history will repeat itself. Their immediate and persistent attraction and draw to each other creates turbulence in both of their lives when their heads and their hearts cannot align, and their togetherness forces them both to confront pasts they would rather forget. 

1/? chapters; modern magical AU; alternating POV; steamy/high tension; slow burn

🔹🌸🦇One-Shots🦇🌸🔹

Eternally | Elriel Wedding Vows: Azriel and Elain's wedding vows, co-written with @jasmineandcedar. (2.7k words)

A study in pretending | Elriel Month 2025: Azriel pretends Elain's hands are on him as he pleasures himself. Little does he know, Elain is pretending his own hands are on her as she pleasures herself down the hall.... (2.2k words)

Hickeys | Elriel Month 2025: Elain and Azriel separately recall and reflect on the claiming marks they've left on each other. Co-written with @saraannereads. (1.8k words)

Does it hurt? | Elriel Month 2025: In the months following ACOSF, Azriel gets injured on a mission and Elain frets over him. (3.2k words)

Rough | Elriel Month 2025: Elain and Azriel like it rough. (4.4k words)

Aftercare | Elriel Month 2025: Elain and Azriel care for each other. (2.4k words)

[just-jordie-things]

[part twelve] to build a home - gojo satoru

word count: 5.1k warnings: !!manga spoilers!! swearing, jjk-verse style fighting series summary: when (y/n) (y/l/n) catches wind that the notorious sorcerer killer, toji fushiguro, has children, she makes it her personal mission to find them. the catch being she couldn't tell a soul about them- the risk of the zen'in clan learning about them was too great. keeping the secret isn't the hard part, it's lying to her friends, shoko ieiri, geto suguru, and of course gojo satoru, that she struggles with. especially when satoru has suddenly become so keen on keeping an eye on her lately.

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[part twelve] : “Those Who Regret, Those Who Deflect, and Those Who Defect” ___

Today was Wednesday.

(y/n’s) fingers drummed against the surface of her desk as she stared at the notebook before her.  Today the entire page was filled with notes, but she hadn’t heard a word Yaga spoke as he blathered on with his lesson.  The notes, dates, and ideas she’d written today were to help clear her overworking mind of the mess she’d gotten herself in.

Bus tickets? She wrote in small letters in a clear space in the corner of her page.  She could probably afford two, at the least.  But could she really send two kids off to who knows where?

She quickly crossed out the idea, hoping to forget it completely.  There was nowhere she could send Megumi and Tsumiki that the Zen’in Clan couldn’t find them.

Her eyes flicked up to the front of the class, feigning attention.  There was only twenty minutes of class, if she could just make it that long without getting called out for her lack of participation, then she could bolt out of there and work somewhere in private for the rest of the day.

Fake deaths? She wondered briefly how difficult it would be to fake a death.  If we set fire to the house and flee the country, could that buy some time, at least?

She made a mental note to do a deep dive on how to get away with arson.

To her luck, Yaga had always been more of a lecturer of a teacher than one who encouraged participation.  So as he droned on, it was easy to act as though she were diligently taking notes.  But he was the only one in that classroom that hadn’t noticed (y/n’s) odd behavior.  Or appearance, for that matter.

When she’d arrived, Shoko had already been in her seat, and her quiet greeting died in her throat as she eyed her friend up and down in pure concern.  She’d never seen (y/n) so disheveled.  

Her uniform was wrinkled, and the top few buttons of her collar weren’t even fastened.  Not to mention her hair was clearly unwashed, thrown up with a clip secured at the back of her head- and she didn’t even seem to have the energy to do that properly.  Some strands stuck out awkwardly, and some weren’t even scooped up by the plastic claws of the accessory.

Shoko hadn’t commented on it as she watched (y/n) take her seat and instantly pull out a notebook and pen, as though she had a massive workload to catch up on.  The brown eyed girl chalked it all up to her mission.  She wasn’t even supposed to be back to class today, so she must have been wiped out from the assignment, right?

Even though Shoko decided this must have been the case, she still gnawed on the inside of her cheek with anxiety every time she cast a glance (y/n’s) way during class.  Something in Shoko’s gut told her she wasn’t trying to focus on her studies with the way she scribbled away in fervor.

Satoru had also noticed the storm cloud over (y/n’s) head as soon as he’d shown up to class.  By the time he’d strolled in, his usual whole minute late, she’d already been hard to work in that notebook of hers.  (y/n) wasn’t exactly a stickler for a perfect uniform and appearance, but she was never… messy.

His eyes trailed from the disheveled girl, to Shoko, who was already looking at him with a worried expression.  It clearly told him something was wrong.

Sure, he knew that, he could see that, clear as day.  (y/n) obviously wasn’t trying to hide it.  And sure, seeing her in such a disheveled state was alarming enough to make his sour heart weaken for her.  But when he sat in his seat and noticed Shoko still staring at him, as though asking him to do something, he shrugged his shoulders lamely, and avoided glancing in either of their directions for the rest of the day.

He had other troubles on his mind today, with his best friend being MIA.

It wasn’t surprising to Satoru in the slightest when (y/n) was out of the classroom as soon as Yaga had wrapped up his lesson for the day.

Satoru was next to rush for the door, but was stopped by a short statured Shoko, holding her books to her chest, and staring up at him expectantly, as if she wasn’t the one that got in his way.

He just sighs, and waits for her to speak her piece.

“This is crazy,” She gives in.  “I can’t take all of this anymore.  I mean, with Suguru, with (y/n), I’m going to lose my head” The admission comes out in a sardonic tone, but the look on her face tells him she’s about to cry.

“Shoko, I really don’t want to talk about the rumors.  They’re just rumors” He tells her, and attempts to walk around her, but she’s quick to slide into his way again.

“Fine.  Then let’s talk about (y/n),” She says, placing her hands on her hips.

Satoru fights the urge to groan and throw his head back.  This was the last thing he wanted to do, but if he blew off Shoko he’d only upset her, and he was quickly running out of friends.  So instead of pushing around her- which he could do with ease- he stays put and gives into the uncomfortable conversation.

“Look, she finally talked to me and… and I get it, okay?” Shoko’s voice turns soft with empathy.  “I get that you’re upset, and just so you know, I do not support this either.  I don’t know how she got caught up with the Zen’ins or why but-”

“Woah, backtrack,” Satoru held up his hand, which was enough to silence a now confused Shoko.  His eyes are wide, and every feature of his face unmoving.  Hearing the Zen’in name be brought up in a conversation regarding (y/n) made his blood run cold before freezing altogether.  His mouth dried, cementing in the sour taste of bile.  A minute passes, the two of them standing there staring at each other, each as shocked as the other, and neither knowing what to say now.  “You didn’t just say Zen’ins, right?”

Blinking, her mouth opened to confirm, but as Satoru’s eye twitched with blossoming irritability, Shoko opted to nod her head instead as she fumbled to explain.

“Yeah… I thought… you didn’t know?” She failed to form much of a question at all, her brows furrowing.

“You thought I knew what she was up to!?”

His voice raises, not in anger with the girl in front of him, but with the one that had hidden some seriously detrimental information from him.  Shoko’s flustering in front of him, having believed his fight with (y/n) was about the Zen’ins.  Apparently, her best friend had finally picked up a knack for lying.  Or maybe Shoko really wanted to believe that this time, it was the truth.  Before she gets the chance to start over and explain the whole thing, Satoru’s ranting.

“Hell, Zen’ins?” He mutters, shoving his sunglasses into his hair as he pinches the bridge of his nose.  “What fucking business does she have with them? And why wouldn’t she just come to me for help? God, she’s the most infuriating person, I swear when I find her-”

“Wait, Satoru,” Shoko’s shaking her head, her eyes blown wide in fear.  

And also an unease that pumped straight from her heart and through her veins, realizing she now had to break to him.

“She’s not in trouble,” She says, only furthering Satoru’s confusion.

With his brows drawn together and his lips parted in disgusted confusion, he couldn’t think of a single explanation for how she couldn’t be in trouble.  Business with the Zen’in Clan was certain trouble, that much was common sense.

“She’s…” Shoko starts, but trails off, too upset to be the bearer of bad news.

“She’s what?” Satoru nearly snaps at her, but fights the instinct to do so.

Shoko chews on her lip, wishing now that she’d never approached Satoru.

“She… she told me that this is what your fight was about,” She admits instead.  “And it made sense, I’m so sorry, Satoru, I thought you knew.  I thought she told you”

“Told me what?” He’s not usually one to beg, but he’s ready to get on his knees and plead with Shoko to spit it out already.

His eyes are piercing into hers with an intensity she’d rarely gotten to see up close, and she had to admit, the usual pretty cerulean was intimidating.  Even to her.

“She’s seeing one of them”

It’s a whisper, as though she still couldn’t believe the news, even after almost a week of it keeping her up at night.

Satoru’s so still, she’s not sure he’s even heard her.  He doesn’t so much as blink.  He just stares at her.

Unsurely, and uncomfortably, Shoko clarifies.

“They’re courting her, I suppose,” She says, trying to speak louder, more clearly, but her voice refuses to rise above a whisper.  “I guess for the last couple months-”

“No” 

It’s the only thing Satoru says, and it seems he’s under the same curse, as it comes out under his breath.  He shakes his head in a small motion of disbelief.

He’s reminded of the way it had felt when (y/n) had removed her hex from him, that small but distinct buzz of her cursed energy vanishing at her will.  He remembered feeling empty once it was gone.  As though it had nestled into a spot in his soul, and when she’d removed it, it left not a mark, but a hole.  He’d lied about the sensation, as not to hurt her feelings.  He wonders now if she’d offered the same pleasantry to him, lying so as not to hurt his feelings.  If only she hadn’t been such a shitty liar.

Shoko’s eyes fill with tears as she watches in real time as he processes this information.  Her heart breaks for him.  Her heart breaks with his.

“I’m- I’m so sorry,” She stammers over her apology as tears burn in her throat and eyes.  “I didn’t want to tell you like this- I- I really didn’t know that you-”

“Don’t be sorry,” Satoru cuts her off, his hand grabbing her elbow reassuringly, so that she knew he wasn’t upset with her.  

She knows he means it, but the emotions swirling in his eyes were so bitter, she can’t help but frown.  He’s taken on more bad news than he should have to bear, and she knows he’s strong, the strongest, but even the strongest could only carry so much.  And besides, did being the strongest mean he deserved to take on all of this suffering? Did being the strongest mean he had to take on all of this pain?

“You didn’t know,” He says.  “Thank you, for telling me”

With blurred vision, Shoko nods at him, before hastily wiping the tears from her eyes.

“We got in a fight because she didn’t want to take the Brazil assignment,” He finally confesses.  “She didn’t have a good reason, and (y/n’s) always been a shit liar, so I figured it had to do with, well, that, I guess,” He mutters towards the end, but shakes his head again and keeps going.  “She completely lost it.  I’ve never seen her so mad, and I- I guess I didn’t help, but… but I just…” He sighs, taking the sunglasses off his head so he could run a hand through his hair.

“I know,” Shoko chimed in softly.  “I was worried too”

“Why… why couldn’t she just tell me?” He asked, knowing there wasn’t an answer.  Not one Shoko could give him anyways.

“I mean… it’s not like we’re taking this well” She half-jokes, but even the chuckle she attempts dies in her throat with an awkward croak.

“No, I’m upset, I’m… I’m pissed,” He admits.  “But.. but if way back then she would have just said something…”

“I still would’ve been pissed,” Shoko says with confidence.  “I don’t know who it is she’s seeing, I don’t know any details at all but I don’t need to,” She shrugs her shoulders limply.  “I know she can’t possibly be in love with the guy, I mean-”

Before she can finish her thought, Shoko shuts her mouth immediately.  Satoru didn’t need to hear her opinion on who was or wasn’t right for (y/n).  It wasn’t important now, since she’d made her choice.  

And it was almost as if she could see the heartbreak, the disappointment, and the jealousy in his eyes, mixing into a dangerously depressing cocktail.

“Sorry,” She mumbles sheepishly.  “But… just so you know, I was rooting for you guys,”

Satoru blinks, his expression going blank with perfect precision of his microexpressions.  Shoko and Suguru had spent a lot of time teasing him for the way he spoke about (y/n), or treated her, and sometimes even the way he looked at her.  But he’d never actually admitted the way he’d felt about her, not out loud.

Clearly no matter how much he’d brushed off their comments with an eye roll or a joke, Shoko had seen through the act.

Or maybe she was only saying this now because she could see the way this news was hitting him directly in the heart.  Had he really become so vulnerable, that he would be that easy to read?  Was he really becoming this weak?

Shoko’s eyes are sad as she’s the one to reach out to him now, placing a hand on his shoulder and offering the tiniest of smiles.

“I really thought that you were growing into each other… you know?” She tells him gently.  “She cared- cares,” She corrects herself quickly, and pauses to make sure she doesn’t make a mistake like that again.  “She cares about you a lot, she needs you, you know”

There was a time when hearing this, Satoru might have gotten a little lovesick.  Maybe he would have even done something about it, too.  He could have sworn, somewhere between the playful banter, the nights he spent in her room, the alone time they had started sharing more and more, that she had felt the same way.  He could have sworn.  It couldn’t have all been in his head, it couldn’t have been fabricated, because she was there.

She was there when he took her to breakfast, and they strolled through the shops in Tokyo all day, laughing, chatting, and maybe even flirting.  She was there when he’d wake her from her nightmares, holding her, comforting her, cooing to her until she’d fall back asleep.  She was there for all the banter that ended with a gleam in her eye, for all of the times that he’d peek over to her only to find her eyes already locked on him.  Whether or not she harbored the same feelings for him that he had for her, almost didn’t matter, because when those feelings of his would arise, she was there for it, so she had to feel it on some level, right?

Was it really all just a trick? None of it had been real?

“That’s not what she told me when she told me to fuck off,” He finally grumbles in bitterness.  “I think it’s pretty fuckin’ clear just how much she-”

“Talk to her again” Shoko cut him off, her words quiet, but encouraging.

His brows furrow at her, silently asking her if she’s crazy.

“She doesn’t-”

“Try,” Shoko speaks over him again, pleading now.  “Please, try.  I can’t lose any more friends, Satoru.  I can’t have you two fall apart, it can’t be like this forever,”

A tear slips down her cheek, and Satoru watches as it catches on her jaw and slides to her chin.  By the time it drops, more tears are spilling from her eyes.

“I need us to be okay, I need us to stick together,” She admits, her whimpering voice cracking, but she doesn’t care about keeping her composure anymore.

All she could think about was how this choice (y/n) had made seemed to affect every single one of them, even though she’d chosen to keep it private.  How much it had hurt her, and how much it was hurting Satoru now.  If Suguru were here, Shoko was sure he would be upset about this predicament as well.  The privacy, the lies, it only made things worse.  Shoko didn't know where she stood with her anymore.

“We’re best friends,” Shoko mumbles.  “Right?”

Satoru nods, and pulls her hand from his shoulder, only to reach his arms out and hug her tightly.  Shoko wrapped her own arms around him in the same motion, clinging onto him and hoping he could feel every ounce of comfort and kindness she could possibly pour into the hug.

They don’t say anything. ___

As soon as (y/n) was in the privacy of her dorm, where she could lock her door and put the outside world on hold for a minute, she made her way to her desk.

Pulling open a drawer and lifting the mess of papers to reach underneath, she sighs as she pulls out the hidden envelope.  There wasn’t much of a reason to be digging for it now, seeing as it’s contents were seared into her memory like a white hot brand, but something drove her to opening it once more.

The wax seal with the Zen’ins’ crest stamped into the fold of the envelope was still intact, but no longer keeping it glued shut.  Any stickiness it once had was now worn away from overuse.

(y/n’s) fingers worked on muscle memory, her eyes shut as she pulled out the letter inside, unfolding it and smoothing the creases between the pads of her fingers.  When her eyes opened, the same message was before her.

No matter how much she hoped it would change, it hadn’t.  No matter how many times she's read it, it still held all the same letters, all the same punctuation, all the same slant of the crosses through the t's.  Still, she wished it hadn't.  She’d rather accept schizophrenic delusions than what this letter contained.

The sigh she let out racked through her whole body, bringing her into a slump over her desk.

Like clockwork, she scanned through the words.  Hoping to catch something she hadn’t seen before, even though she’d given up sleep to read and re-read this letter, until her morning alarm had shocked her from her stupor.

Still, it remained the same.

It’s come to our attention that the child of Fushiguro Toji is being harbored at this household.  If the boy has developed his cursed technique, he is to be returned to his proper place with the Zen’in Clan at once.  Failure to do so will be treated as an act of defiance- and anyone involved will be punished to the fullest extent of Jujutsu Sorcerer Code.  We expect him returned  and in good health by three days.  

Otherwise, we will take the matter into our own hands- and we will collect him.

- Naobito Zen’in

The amount of times her eyes have burned the image of his words into her mind is unknown to her, but after a few minutes she folds it back up neatly at it’s creases, tucks it back into it’s envelope, and carefully places it in it’s hiding spot at the bottom of her desk drawer.

It dawns on her that no amount of plotting and running would ever work.  The Zen’ins were smarter than any plan she could come up with, no matter how thought out, no matter how perfect, they would always catch up to her.  She alone wasn’t enough to outsmart them.  

And even if she did, where did that put her? On the lamb with two kids that she could barely afford to support- who weren’t even hers, which was a whole other load of risks- and she’d have to say goodbye to being a jujutsu sorcerer.  Best case scenario she works two jobs to pay bills, put food on the table, all while having to keep an eye over her shoulder for any sign of threat.  This was all assuming the Fushiguro kids would even want her to do this.

It reminded her that she still had to decide what she was going to tell them about this letter- or if she was going to tell them about this letter.  They weren’t nearly old enough for the whole truth, and if (y/n) was honest with herself, she wasn’t ready to tell them the whole truth.

Hell, I couldn’t even tell them their Dad was dead.  They had to come to assume that on their own.  Not that this news seemed to shock them, or bother them in the slightest.

Leaning over her desk and grabbing fistfuls of her hair, she tried to focus on one thought at a time.  But with a mountain of issues and only three days to figure out how to get out of them, the anxiety was beginning to consume her more than ever before.

Running away wasn’t an option.  She couldn’t win if she ran away.  And besides, it wasn’t her style, she was never one to run from a fight.

This secret of yours, is it worth your life?

When Suguru had asked her this, she didn’t have an answer.  When she’d returned to the Fushiguro household after her overseas assignment and had been overcome with relief that they had been safe in her absence, she was certain she’d do anything to protect them.

Now that this letter had found it’s way to her, she had her answer in mind.  Crystal clear.  In a void of anxiety, rage, and paranoia, it was a certainty she could anchor herself to.

This was worth her life.  Megumi and Tsumiki, they were worth her life.  She didn’t know it three months ago when she’d found them, that they would become such an important part of her life.  She didn’t know it when she’d overheard the Sorcerer Killer briefly mention something about children- that she would be their sole provider and that she would step into the shoes he left at the door when he’d abandoned them.  She never knew that deep down, there was a part of her that knew Tsumiki and Megumi were hers now.

(y/n) didn’t know that when she’d begun her search for them, eight months ago, that it had come with a vow to protect the both of them as if they were her own, and now it was time for her to keep her word, and do she had to in order to protect them.

Her feet moved on their own accord, it seemed, as she flew through the corridors and sidewalks of Jujutsu Tech’s campus towards the gym, concerning the few scattered underclassmen who hung around in the courtyard during their freetime.

The run was winding, but it was only a warm up compared to the rigorous training she was going to have to put herself through if she had even a chance of taking on the Zen’in Clan. ___

The swords strapped to (y/n’s) back never felt heavier.

In fact, until now, she’s not sure she’s ever noted their weight on her back.  Maybe when she had first started practicing with them as a First Year.  But it felt like ever since she’d first picked them up, she’d never felt a desire to put them down.  With her cursed technique being difficult to master and not always reliable on an assignment, her weapons were her greatest strength, and she wielded them with a tremendous amount of comfort and confidence.

They were an extension of her.  Like an extra set of limbs, her swords were something she could control on muscle memory, with no real though, no second guess, they swung through the air on their own accord.  The moment she’d picked them up during her first year, they’d been her most prized possession.

Now, as she walked back to her dorm from her rough training session, she was all too aware of their weight.

Her hair that had been neatly tied up at the beginning of her workout was starting to come undone, messy strands falling around her face, a few sticking to the sheen of sweat that covered her forehead.  No matter how many times she’d pushed them back, they’d fall again.  Eventually, she gave into the minor annoyance and let the loose strands stick to her face.  She was heading straight for the shower in her dorm, anyway.

Despite her heaving chest and aching muscles, it was a good session.  Her assignment in Brazil had humbled her, reminded her that she had been avoiding training, instead spending most of her free time sneaking into town, and the rest of her free time trying to convince everyone around her that she wasn’t up to anything shady.  That had been exhausting enough.  Now she was going to throw her substantial and detailed training routine back into the mix.

With a groan, (y/n) rolled her shoulder, hoping she hadn’t actually pulled a muscle, but had just overworked one that hadn’t been properly used in a while.  She brought her hand up to the junction between her arm and shoulder, feeling around as she stretched and rolled the tired limb, trying to gauge for herself if she’d need heat, or ice first.

It was a familiar holler of her name that pulled her from her internal debate, and she glanced toward the voice to see Yaga across the yard with his arm raised to get her attention.

Beside him, leaning against the wall of the building of now empty classrooms, was Satoru.

Both of them had their usual sunglasses perched on their noses, but only one of them seemed to be looking her way.

Puzzled, she slowly made her way over to them, wondering what business Yaga could have that involved the both of them.  Satoru only went on solo missions these days, and there was no chance her teacher was shoving another assignment on her plate when she hadn’t scrubbed away the eye bags from the last one.

(Sure, she hadn’t done herself any favors, but he didn’t have to know that)

“I’m glad I caught you,” Yaga greeted when (y/n) was in earshot.  Her eyes briefly shot from her teacher, to Satoru, who still wasn’t paying her any attention, and then back to Yaga.  “Although I’m sorry to say it’s not great news I have for you two”

(y/n’s) brow furrowed in the slightest, at a loss with guessing what this could be about.

“Bad news?” She mumbled, more to herself than to either of the people beside her.

Yaga speaks, and (y/n) hears him.  She takes in the words he says, follows the movement of his mouth and the microexpressions of his face as he speaks.  There’s no background noise that he has to speak over, and his tone isn’t quiet.  It’s clear, and certain.  There’s no reason she shouldn’t register every word he says.

But he stops, and her ears are ringing, and her heart is beating so hard, so loud in her chest, that she finds herself mumbling, “what?”

“Don’t make me say it again,” Yaga sighs, and it doesn’t sound harsh like the words might imply.  He sounds defeated.  (y/n) can see in his face that he truly doesn’t want to repeat himself.  With every fiber of his being, he doesn’t want to speak it into existence, thus acknowledging what he was saying was true.

Again, when he speaks, (y/n’s) expression remains frozen.  Her eyes are wide, her jaw is dropped open, and at her sides, her hands are curling into fists.  Any thought of her swords being heavy on her back have left her mind, as there is no physical weight greater than learning of the horrors someone you once loved was capable of comitting.  It’s as though the rest of the world is disappearing little by little, and it’s just the three of them here, experiencing the same earth shattering revelation.

“Suguru fled after killing everyone in the village,”

(y/n) wants to turn to Satoru, maybe to gauge his reaction, maybe to reach out and offer some semblance of comfort, she’s not sure.  It doesn’t matter, as she’s unable to move in the slightest.  Her feet are glued, her arms are stiff, and the only movement on her entire body is a slight twitch at the corner of her left eye.

“Suguru’s parents’ home is vacant as well,” Yaga continues, and it’s clear that he’s doing everything in his power to keep his voice even.  “However, from the bloodstains and the residuals… it seems he might have done the same to his parents”

He pauses, the heavy words hang in the air between the three like a poisonous gas.  It’s thick, suffocating, and a devastating slice of reality that just couldn’t be true.

(y/n) had just talked to Suguru.  It’s the first thought that skitters across her darkening mind.  It’s just as quickly replaced with a drop in her gut, which could only be her heart plummeting to it’s untimely end.

Everything he’d told her that day replayed in her memories.  And suddenly, all the odd things he’d said appeared to her as red flags.  The unsettling feeling that had crept down her spine that day now came back in a full body shiver.

It’s the first noticeable movement she’s made since Yaga had broken the news.  Satoru’s eyes land on her due to this, and they remain on her as their teacher continues to explain the situation.  Although it seems he doesn’t have much more information.

“Satoru… (y/n)...” The man sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in a desperate attempt to keep his composure in front of his students.  “I also… have no idea what is going on”

There’s not much more for him to say.  He apologizes to them both afterwards.  But he can’t stand there and watch as tears gather in (y/n’s) eyes and rage begins to seep into Satoru’s facial features.  So he tells them the higher ups will do the best they can, and then leaves them.

Logically, (y/n) knows she should be having a panic attack right about now.  Not just from the news alone, but the guilt that had crashed over her and was now pumping through her bloodstream.  Suguru had laid out what he’d been going through right in front of her, and she hadn’t been able to pick up on the obvious signs because she’d been so focused on her own issues.

With a shaky hand, she covered her mouth, afraid that she might break into  a sob if she didn’t physically stop herself.

She hadn’t turned to Satoru yet, hadn’t noticed the way he was carefully watching every moment of her grief processing.  If she had, she might have seen the way his hand was inching forward, his body having a mind of its own when it came to her.

Even if he had reached out to her- taken her hand or pulled her into his body and never ever letting go- Satoru doesn’t think it’s a good idea.  With the bomb that had been dropped on them both, he couldn’t possibly try to calculate how such an action would cause (y/n) to react.

The last time he’d watched grief strike her, she had barely been consolable for days.  He couldn’t have her shutting down, not right away, anyways.

Her phone rings, the sudden break in the heavy atmosphere causing both of them to flinch, just a little bit.

Instinct tells her to decline it, but seeing it’s Shoko, (y/n) swipes right to answer and she has the phone to her ear in seconds.

“Shoko, thank god, listen, I need to-”

“(y/n),” The girl on the other line cuts her off, and the grave tone in which she says her name is enough for (y/n) to shut her mouth.  “You need to find Satoru, and you need to come meet with me.  Right.  Now”

They don’t exchange more than the location in town that Shoko had been, the lack of context filling itself between the gaps.

(y/n’s) hands tremble as she secures her phone in her pocket and turns to Satoru.  He notices her jaw is also trembling, in the slightest anxious movement.  She doesn’t have to explain the escalating situation, he’d been right there, he’d heard the whole thing, but still, she finds herself stammering over her words as she tries anyway.

“Shoko- she’s- I think she’s with him- at- somewhere in town- um- outside-”

Satoru steps forward, closing a significant amount of space between them.  (y/n) stops talking immediately, and doesn’t try to explain herself again.

For a brief moment, but finally, they look at one another.

Her eyes are full of tears, but somehow she’d kept herself from actually letting herself cry in front of him.  Her lip wobbles and she looks like she desperately wants to say something, but the words just don’t come out.  He holds her gaze, and every bone in his body is screaming at him to comfort her.  To say something to do something just to make sure she won’t cry.

But he’s just as lost as she is, and he knows all too well that there were no words that could put her at ease in this moment.

Instead, he reaches out and takes both of her hands in his, holding on tightly as what comes next wasn’t exactly pleasant for the person he brought with him.  

Teleporting alone was as easy as breathing, almost second nature.  Being a sort of carry-on to someone else who was teleporting always seemed to bring on a wave of motion sickness.

(y/n’s) hands squeeze his to prepare herself for the oncoming discomfort.  Even though what came after the dizziness would be much, much more sickening.

“I’m taking us right now” Satoru tells her. ___

a/n: no suguru don’t defect ur so sexyyy ur prolly thinking right about now that i only want to see my readers suffer.  and ur right. i do. :3

taglist: @whats-humanity-lol @malinq-ashida @mor-pheus@bekahtaylorgriggs@pookiea@megumimind@thealchemical@pearlstiare@niallerhere@96jnie @purpleguk @peqch-pie@yukinemaroop@makis-girl@sadtoru​ @kamikokii​ @nerdiel-has-no-braincells​ @googlesheetshoe​ @vzleria

xoxo ~ jordie

[yuseirra]

I really enjoy drawing them as gods! :) I'll keep drawing this version too while I can (and even after things clear up~)

I jotted about these guys earlier AGAIN and it's so funny, I'll put it in the read more

(was written in another language, translated in bulk by chatgpt~)

I set up my tablet to draw all weekend and started listening to Fatal again.

Seriously, this song… it’s just Kamiki, saying, “I can’t live without Ai~~ I want to see Ai so badly… Without her, I’m really going to die, I feel like I’ll die—what am I supposed to do?” That’s exactly what it sounds like.

It’s like Ai is Ame-no-Uzume, and Kamiki is her husband. He’s like a god who lost his wife and went completely insane. I can’t hear it any other way, seriously. If this isn’t the case, I’d be so disappointed! There’s just no other explanation for all the bizarre situations in the story. Every time I hear this song, I feel like I’m losing my mind because of this interpretation…

This isn’t Aqua. Right now, Aqua let go of his wish for Ai and is sinking deeper as he saves Ruby. No, it’s Kamiki who’s crying about not being able to live without Ai, wanting to see her that badly. What are we supposed to do with him? Why does he love Ai this much? (To be fair, the backstory is there. Watching his character unfold, I thought, "Yeah, it makes sense he’d fall for Ai.” Even before the song and Chapter 154 came out, I was certain of it.) He’s the only character who’d have such a “lack of Ai.” He lost Ai, and now he’s like, “My destiny is to get her back!” I’m sure that’s what’s driving him. He studied science in college, built a company, and went around doing all these things while telling himself, “It’s my fault, my fault,” and witnessing people dying. Seriously… what is this?

And his eyes—I feel they were originally golden, but it feels like something mixed in because of that black star, which changed the color. His eyes look so murky. I don’t think they were meant to be purple. Every other character has clear eyes, but whenever they show his in the anime, his color is cloudy, almost like something else is mixed in.

The Hoshino family’s eye colors connect to their names, but Kamiki’s name means “light,” so why the sudden purple? It could be, but his eyes look so cloudy, and no other character’s eyes have that quality. He’s not in his right mind… he really seems possessed. And why are the lyrics like this? Why do they have this meaning? If this isn’t revealed, I’m going to seek out the author myself. It’s almost funny. This song is just so strange.

It sounds like constant crying—a song of intense longing, he’s losing his mind. Once again, this isn’t Aqua’s emotional arc. Kamiki’s emotions are ten steps deeper than Aqua’s, maybe even more unhinged. He literally seems unable to live without Ai. But this makes sense if they’re a divine couple; they literally can’t function without each other. They need to be together, which even aligns with the things Kamiki says in the story. He was hers and she was his- What is he, really? He isn’t your average person. He’s genuinely strange. What he does is something that can't just be explained with charisma or “because he’s charming.” No, Ai and Kamiki must have originally been gods.

Honestly, Kamiki must be a god who was deeply devoted to his wife, driven to madness because people killed her. That’s why Aqua was assigned to dunk him into the sea to get him… This storyline would make so much more sense if this is it.

Ai must be crying in heaven if she sees what’s become of her husband. It’s so absurdly tragic. I feel like this direction would make more sense. I mean, what kind of story would it be if Kamiki were just “the bad guy”? We already know he was fundamentally a good person. How could an ordinary person even do all these things? I know the setting is modern, with cell phones, electronics, law enforcement, etc. But honestly, people buying into this guy’s ideals to this degree is baffling. He could only pull this off if he were a god.

Fatal… I’m sure I’ve shared my thoughts on this song countless times, but every time I listen to it, I feel like I’m one step closer to understanding its meaning. This song’s emotions are just so Kamiki. If this is Kamiki, though… well, he must really have loved Ai. He’s struggling so much, and you can really feel what it means to not be able to live without someone. He simply can't bear it. That’s how strong his love is.

At this point, can’t we just let him meet Ai again already? He fell apart because he couldn’t see her, even though he wanted to so badly. Was he really at fault for all of this? Is he actually responsible for Ai’s death? I don’t think so… If Ai had been there, he probably wouldn’t have ended up like this.

We need to find out the real reason Ai died, don’t we? This song has to mean something, right? There has to be a reason this song came out. I wouldn’t have started down this path if I didn’t feel I already knew the answer. If I were the author, I’d never make a character who wants to see Ai so desperately into her killer. Maybe Kamiki has some godly power that became unstable out of his anxiety, causing the chain of events that led to her death, but...

Now that we know Ai truly loved Kamiki, I can’t believe he’d even lay a finger on her. It just doesn’t fit his character or story. His behavior shows he isn’t capable of that. This is the same person who couldn’t even retaliate against people who treated him horribly, even those he cared less about than Ai. He was a kind person.

Looking at Kamiki’s consistent behavior, there’s always this gentleness, almost peacefulness. Even if he’s lost it now, that gentleness seems closer to his true nature. I feel like something forced its way into him and twisted him.

The person Ai loved was probably this part of Kamiki, the gentle exterior. If you look at it, it makes sense why she’d fall for him. He’s fundamentally that kind of person, but something happened to him.

I’m rarely wrong about things like this… There aren’t many chapters left now, so if I’m wrong, I’ll just take it as it comes.

Was Kamiki really the kind of person Aqua could treat that way? Honestly, I wasn’t satisfied watching the interactions between Tsukuyomi and Aqua. It didn’t feel good to watch them connect and talk sympathetically. Plus, if it turns out Ai loved someone who was truly insane, that’s another problem.

If Kamiki really did do horrible things, it would make more sense if they were god-level punishments from a god who went insane. If he were just a regular boy who lost it and became a serial killer… what even is that? That would be so disrespectful to people who have similar backgrounds. For a character like this, I feel like there should be a certain amount of care in how he’s handled. Otherwise, I'd really be upset. I’m sure the author understands that.

Anyway… it feels like the answer’s already in the song. Like the answer’s already been given. There aren’t many chapters left, so I guess we’ll find out soon.

[ahappydnp]

ahh my show is really soon and i’m having pre-tit anxiety - what exactly happens during the meet & greet? what do i say? Also is there a break between the m&g/pre-show and the actual show?

ahhhhh have the best time!!! the m&g is so smooth because both sarah and dnp are prepared for anything and will guide you through the whole ordeal!

long post under the cut

i’d definitely say study all the m&gs on twitter to get the vibe and see their script because they tend to stick with their pattern

you’ll put anything you’re not taking to dnp in a designated area behind the backdrop (like your coat, bag, anything that’s not your phone and the things you want signed or to show dnp)

sarah (their merch manager and assistant with m&gs) will talk to you for a second and take your phone so she can film you coming around the corner to meet them (if you’re nervous just tell her!!! she’s genuinely The Best person to have before dnp like she’s truly incredible)

you’ll walk in front of the backdrop and dnp will offer hugs immediately (usually dan will be the first one you see) and then ask if you want anything signed, then take whatever pics you want (if you have a speech or something you want to say prepared maybe stop them before dan takes the phone from sarah for selfies)

you’ll be sent down to the main lobby after m&g to put something in the phli, buy merch, go pee, etc. and then they’ll open the doors to the theatre so you’ll be let in for preshow! you won’t really have time to leave the venue between m&g and preshow but it’s usually pretty quick!

where you sit at preshow depends on the venue, but it seems that most UK venues are saying to sit in your assigned seat (but in the US they told us to fill the rows in order)

after preshow they’ll open the doors of the theatre for GA so you can either go back into the lobby or just chill in your seat

general advice

eat before you go in!!! other than bar snacks you won’t have food from the time you queue for m&g at like 4 until the show gets out at 10-10:30!! bring a snack in your bag i’m so so serious because you need the extra nutrients after all the m&g emotions

have an idea of what you want to happen during your m&g! look through the meet and greet accounts and find poses/types of pics (like group photos taken by sarah or individual selfies of you and each boy) and be ready to tell them what you want! they’re so so accommodating and just want what you want

write down and practice anything you want to say, maybe give them a letter if you’re extra nervous in case you forget because it is a lot to turn the corner and see dan howell standing in front of you with his massive arms out

they genuinely genuinely love meeting you and want this to be Your ideal experience so do not worry about bothering them or thinking you’re taking up too much time (and if you are they’re really good at wrapping things up)

HAVE SO MUCH FUN AND TALK TO PEOPLE!!!! people are SO lovely and i promise anyone you’re next to in line/at the show will be enjoyable to talk to <333 like i’ve become mutuals with strangers who happen to sat next to me at previous shows!

[jeweled-blue-eyes]

On Ijekiel and Jennette's relationship

It has dawned on me that Ijekiel and Jennette hardly know each other. From my perspective it looks like Jennette spend the first few years of her life either with her aunt Rosalia or the Margaritas. Perhaps she was first shoved from one family to the other for neither was willing to take risks, which would further explain her anxious attachment style that is often associated with an inconsistent parenting pattern.

Then Roger bought Jennette home as his ward with the intention to marry her to Ijekiel one day. 7~ year old Ijekiel did not know how to describe Jennette when Athy asks him what kind of girl she is, the only thing he knows is that she has become his responsibility from now on.

One might expect that they would grow closer over the years but almost 10 years later Jennette still doesn't know anything about him. Not even simple things like his favourite color or his hobbies.

Jennette craved his attention but due to her status as a hidden royal and the special treatment she received from Roger, she was in a position where they could never be equals. Interestingly in this case there has occured a rare gender reversal. The girl is the dominant one and the boy the subservient one. Ijekiel did everything that was asked of him not by his own volitation but because he treated it like an assignment that was given to him by his father.

Truthfully young Ijekiel seemed somewhat indifferent towards Jennette. Like he couldn't make more of her than a basket full of kittens. He played her games but he never introduced his own hobbies to her or felt comfortable to share his inner thoughts with her. There is a scene in the novel around chapter 56-62 where Jennette asks Ijekiel to go shopping for dresses with her and it looks like he wants to refuse but eventually he agrees when Jennette persists. Jennette thinks bitterly to herself something along the lines of: "Sometimes it feels like you wouldn't want to spend time with me unless I asked you to."

When Ijekiel left to stuy in Arlanta he seemed much happier than when he was with Jennette.

Once I said I saw Ijekiel and Jennette more as siblings but I don't think so anymore. They were put into a situation where they were not allowed to view each other as family or grow close to one another as children. I believe Roger send Ijekiel to study in Arlanta to prevent the Westermark effect. All Jennette wanted was a family and Ijekiel was more inclined to give her that than romantic love, which would have shaped up to become a problem for Roger's plan.

Before Ijekiel travels to Arlanta he promises to write her letters and visit her during his holidays, yet this still doesn't seem to have bought them closer. If anything Ijekiel's time in Arlanta made Jennette all the more lonelier. (I also doubt that Ijekiel spend his entire vocation with Jennette since he was also friends with other students like Cabel Ernest and they visited each other frequently.) When Ijekiel takes Jennette to a cafe and Athy eavesdrops on them, Lucas notes that their conversation seemed contentless and boring and while this could be just Lucas being Lucas, I have to agree that their chats were not very deep unless Athanasia was concerned.

Ijekiel buys Jennette dolls and ribbons to compensate her for the love his family is not willing to give her and this behaviour persists until their late teens when she has long outgrown the age where you play with dolls, but Ijekiel still continues to gift her toys because he doesn't know how else to comfort her. To Ijekiel Jennette is still the little girl he left behind in tears when he traveled away to study in Arlanta. Which makes their marriage in The Lovely Princess all the more sadder. Their relationship is build on abandonment issues, duty and guilt. They weren't lovers. They were not even brother and sister to each other. They were hardly friends.

How I interpret their relationship: Jennette did not love Ijekiel, but he was always there for her when she was grieving. Isolated as she was it was easy for Roger to foster her dependency to Ijekiel and make her believe that she would want him romantically. In truth Jennette just didn't want to lose any more people and marriage was a way to tie two people together for the rest of their lives. As for Ijekiel, I believe that he pitied Jennette and treated her as his responsibility but in another world where they were not aquainted through family they would not even be friends. They don't seem to share any common interests. They didn't know each other. At times Ijekiel might have resented her secretly but she also gave him a clear goal and stability in life. Athy's death in The Lovely Princess broke them both and they might have coped by finding solace in one another.

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello darling! I’ve tried several times to do time blocking and have my app calendar organised but it never works. I have adhd so it’s like I don’t know how to keep it up because I never found a method that it works for me. Can you share how you do it in case you do it? And some tips? I feel like it’ll help me to organise my life but I feel stuck every time I have to do it. Thank you <3

Hi love! Sharing my method below. Hope it's somewhat useful xx

To-Do List Planning:

Spend an hour or so on the weekend to list all of the important assignments/errands, etc. you need to complete during the week. Fill your calendar with your school/work/activity obligations first see an overview of how you will need to spend a considerable amount of time dedicated to each non-negotiable activity. Use this overview to help you map out the "free" time" you have and pre-schedule when you will do specific work projects, study for a particular exam, when you will run certain errands, engage in leisure activities, etc.

Before bed/dinner, use this weekly framework to finalize the next day – your agenda for the upcoming day. Determine the big 1-3 tasks you want to complete the following day and when throughout your day you will focus on these specific tasks. Giving yourself this pre-assigned schedule will eliminate decision fatigue and allow you to go into a more "autopilot" mode by completing the action you've already planned to take at any time of the day.

Important Date Reminders:

Utilize your Google Calendar and sync it to your iCloud (make sure it's private!) to allow you to write down any important dates available for viewing on your phone, computer, etc. at all times.

Create a color-coding system to organize your calendar (i.e. make any big projects due in blue, regular/smaller assignments to complete in red, important job reminders in yellow, errands tasks in green, family/friend obligations in purple, appointments in orange, etc.)

If you need to remember to submit certain paperwork, run an errand, etc., use your Reminders app to alert you at the time when you're able to complete this task before a deadline, going home, etc.

Use the location function or invite other participating members on a specific Google calendar event for any obligations where you need to be at a certain place at a specific time and/or are working on a group project, having a meeting, or need to be at a location with someone else.

I'm very into my "bookend" routines aka the rituals I do before I start my tasks for the day and how I wind down at night.

In the morning: Skincare, outfit, makeup, 2 big mugs of black coffee, reading articles & newsletters

In the evening: A long walk outside or a 15-30 minute YouTube workout/dance party session when the weather isn't optimal. Shower, skincare, get into sweats, make dinner, clean up around the house

To plan out my work week/days:

I use the 3-Month Productivity Planner by Intelligent Change (linked here). It's been my holy grail while building my business for the past 3-4 years. I also love having a physical "To-Do" list notepad next to me for tasks that come to mind or come up throughout the day that I want to organize/come back to later. (I always try to plan my week out on Sunday evenings and for the next day either before my evening routine or after dinner) I was gifted this one from The Daily Edited a few years ago and love it. Very much worth refilling the inserts.

For meetings: I use Google Calendar that's linked to my iCal. The notes section is essential for me.

For small tasks/bills/errands: I set scheduled Reminders for the day/time I need to pay a bill, write an email, schedule something for work or life, create a reminder for something I need to take before heading out to a meeting or appointment, something I need to buy at the pharmacy, etc.

As someone who in certain ways completely embodies the stereotypical "creative" type, my brain naturally goes in a million directions at once, so streamlining everything has become an important, deliberate habit and way of life for me. People think I'm naturally organized at this point in life, so I hope this system works for someone else out there too! x

[solacescastleglow]

How I'm Gamifying Daily Life

Who doesn't love a little whimsy in their life? Nobody, that's who. That's why I'm working on making the most boring things fun, it's a win win situation. I know a lot of people gamify with apps like Finch or Habitica, but that isn't really enough for me. I need something in the real world that will prompt me to start, not just a point system that I can put out of sight and out of mind.

I'm still in the process of enacting these, so the system may change, but I'm having a lot of fun with it and I wanted to write about it in case someone else gets some ideas from it.

XP and reward system

Since I don't play TTRPGs or anything like them, I really have no reason to do this other than I saw it and it seemed fun. But basically I have 'skills' (daily life task categories) that I'm earning points towards, and when I reach certain levels I get myself a little, or big, reward. Rewards are relevant to the topic and go from things like having a bath to things like buying something from a French clothing brand I like. I keep track of it in a notebook, which doesn't seem like it would work but so far it's been fine.

Skills

self care --> Character Maintenance

fitness --> Strength

socialising --> Charisma

going out on my own --> Wayfinding

studying --> Arcane Mastery

writing my book --> Lore Crafting

learning French --> Foreign Tongue

discipline/doing things I don't want to do --> Resolve

problem solving, especially technical --> Tinkering

chores --> Castle Restoration

practicing Judaism --> Divine Alignment

personal finance --> Prosperity

Whenever I hit milestones in these (for example, going somewhere outside the city on my own), I'm going to get myself a little award of some kind. I haven't decided yet if it'll be coin-like tokens, merit badges to put on an item of clothing or a blanket, or stickers to put in a special book. But definitely something like that.

Decisions --> minigames

Decision fatigue is real, and I'm easily tired, so I've made some fun ways to reduce that mental load, while also giving me a little dopamine hit to get me through the execution of the task.

Spinning a wheel in the morning to determine what kind of shower I'm going to have (quick, normal, everything).

Workout dreidels. I've assigned the letters on the dreidels to body parts (core, upper body, legs, full body) and types of workout (mobility, flexibility, strength, balance). I was gonna use D4 dice for this, but I have a bajillion dreidels so yeah.

A dartboard for where I go on my walks to. There are 12 options on 2 rings, the outer ring being free (or almost free) stuff and the inner ring being paid. I'm not very good at darts so it works out.

A dress up game to pick outfits. It's literally so fun and all I had to do was draw all my clothes on separate layers in an art program. It's not super polished or anything but it does the job and saves me having to put all my clothes back in the closet.

My adventure box

My "weekly" (though it hasn't really worked out that way) adventures are things like going rock climbing, birdspotting, or clubbing with my sibling. I put them on slips of paper, and whenever I feel like I need some adventure in my life I draw one out. It then goes on the wall facing the foot of my bed until I've finished it.

My housework sticks

A bonus to having teachers as parents is that they can bring home stuff from their jobs, like, say, a bunch of popsicle sticks that I can write all my housework tasks on and track my Castle Restoration points with. I've outsourced the decision making to my dad, who has more spare time and is a lot more vocal about the house being tidy than my mum, so all I have to do is do the things and get the points.

---

And those are all my ideas so far!! I might update with some more once things have settled in, but I think this is a good start.

[e-adlirez]

Epic the Musical Mouseford Production

You know what time it is, mushing hyperfixations together to fully brainrot over both, yippeeeee :D

So this is like the The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals thing I made sometime back, but now I have concept sketches that I didn't forget to send this time ^^

How this works is I didn't exactly assign the Epic characters to the Mouseford characters I felt would fit them the most (altho I definitely did that), I also took into account my headcanons for their acting chops and their vocal range in my mind. That and just like Epic when auditions opened, this production has gender-blind roles. So just bear that in mind when you see these sketches, I'll explain my thought process after the pictures are all shown :]

Okay so first up with have Dina as Odysseus :D reasoning behind this besides the fact that I didn't feel anyone else fit his role (and I didn't want it to be a Thea Sister), was the fact that Dina doesn't really get a lot when she shows up, especially in terms of personality. She's athletic, a bit chipper, tomboyish, but that's about it. We don't get much personality from her in the books. Soooo I went and used the power of headcanons here-- in this case, her life in little Whale Island would have given her a sense of craftiness and "can't just buy everything you need because sometimes they don't have it", and let's not forget, she was the first Whale Island resident to get a scholarship in Mouseford Academy. She clearly had to work to get there, and that would've meant a lot of studying, a lot of hard work to make it to that point, so who's to say she wouldn't give the characters a lot of thought during prep for auditions? And at least to me, she'd have the versatile vocal range to handle the highs and lows of Odysseus's songs so :3 if nothing else, Plotfur maybe found her take on him charming.

There is an element of visual storytelling in how Dina styles her hair at any given point in Odysseus's story :3 When she needs to change it (usually just removing a hair tie), she does it during a transition or when the audience's view of her is blocked.

Next we have Paulina playing the role of Athena (Athena) badass in the arena, unmatched and the short queen of all the best strategies we've seen-- yes Paulina is smol. In fact, I imagine she's the shortest of the Thea Sisters if not the entire cast. As a result, she does has platform heels under her dress and often stands on the background platform when talking to Odysseus!Dina, with a few exceptions. Now, why isn't Violet Athena? Simple, I think her mezzosoprano-contralto ass would shrivel up and die before she even lands one of Athena's many, many high notes, and that's not even taking into account that the purpur's social anxiety partially means she's currently fighting an uphill battle just to be able to project her singing voice. I imagine Paulina is a soprano, so she'd be able to handle the aggressively soprano role, and her experience does give her a leg up in performing, even though she smol. She does have to do a Violet impression to get into character, which becomes a meme among the girls. (Her and Dina unintentionally posing like that Athena and Odysseus painting, though, that becomes a school-wide reaction image meme.)

Fun fact she is only just barely taller than Dina when she's in her Athena costume complete with the heels--

Now, Eury!Pam. Rather self-explanatory, I think: Pam gives alto vibes, she's often the straight man to the craziness of the girls in general, has a lack of impulse control like Eury, and I dunno maybe she found his character fascinating on account of how much of a hot mess he is (/pos). For the most part, she's basically herself but less comedic (and maybe a little bloodlust-y for Full Speed Ahead and Survive) when she's playing Eury. She and Dina have in fact done the macarena to Luck Runs Out before.

Nicky is Aeolus, also rather self-explanatory. I imagine she's got a high-pitched gremlin voice, and she's got that mischievous streak Aeolus has, so all she really needed to do to prep for the role was to learn how to lighten her voice and make it more airy for KYFC. She wanted to come in dabbing when the crew open the bag, but it was too comedic for such a dramatic scene, even for Professor Plotfur. At least she's given the opportunity to be a little shit giving Poseidon (whoever's playing him, I haven't decided yet) trouble when 600 Strike inevitably rears its head.

Vic is Hermes. I don't think I need to explain much else. He does do the seagull laugh, but it took a bit of practice for him to get the laugh down. Either way, he becomes Hermes' muse every time he's on stage and he is having the time of his life. He just wishes he can fly, too.

Now while Violet didn't get the role of Athena because her vocal cords would rather drown in cola than even try My Goodbye (let alone We'll Be Fine), she did in fact get the role of the prophet Tiresias :3 she's alto enough for it, her resting bitch face is perfect for Tiresias's melancholy, and she and Dina get to have some dance choreography sprinkled in. She did have to adapt to the limited vision her costume allows her, but she was more than happy to practice navigating the stage with the handicap, and hey, the staff is of the perfect length to be used as a cane. Because I loved szin's No Longer You animatic way too much, I now think Dina showed the video to Violet and the both of them decided that Vi would play a crazy Tiresias for one of the performing nights. They even made up custom choreography for that one night so Violet could be as unhinged as possible and have that reflect in their dance.

Oh, and Tiresias!Violet has feather earrings, which are a nod to the mythological Tiresias supposedly inventing augury, the fortunetelling method in which you observe the behaviors of birds to predict the future. Just a cool thing I wanted to add on top of my very Gigi!Tiresias-coded Tiresias costume to make it more unique to me haha :3

And finally (for now, until I draw more), anyone with minor roles who don't have a lot of screentime get to do some of the practical effects on the stage, like the translucent banner flag things they run around with onstage to emulate wind, dressing up in creepy Greek chorus ghosts for Underworld, and maneuvering winion puppets whenever needed. For the most part, their tunics will either be a neutral color or black, depending on the roles they're playing (practical effects ideally black, ensemble characters neutral colors). Violet gets to keep her Tiresias tunic while she's a techie because the tunic itself doesn't stand out that much besides the length-- it's the layers on top of it that tend to stand out and really make her look like Tiresias.

Alrighty that's it, and uh, for now have this as a treat for reading all of that brain vomit haha

It's a crack idea at best, but it would be fun if Vi had the vocal confidence to channel the very angy pissbaby fork-wielding god of the sea. Something about the very reserved, very demure and mindful purpur going apeshit scratches a side of my brain I don't get to indulge in that often haha

Still not sure, probably won't happen as I said, but that's assuming I find a better character to play as Poseidon.

Alrighty until next time, gonna take a shower o<-<

[sprnklersplashes]

and they nicknamed her the bolter (ao3)

fic requested by @xxlazydaisyxx (thank you!!!!)

buy me a coffee

If there is one thing Natalie Goodman does well, it’s bolt. She’s got a surprising knack for it, whether it’s nature or nurture is completely up for debate. Natalie doesn’t know which one would be worse. 

It’s all about the subtleties. She picks up on the implicit suggestions Henry makes, the signs of danger that only her sophisticated wiring can find. The things he says that he doesn’t even realise are important. She never blames him for any of it. It’s just the way he is. 

When she pulls away, it’s just as subtle. A half-step, a missed call. A homework assignment she needs to crack, a sonata she just needs to master. An emergency at home, because Henry can never say no to those. Appointments, extra-curriculars, interviews. Woman problems, when the case calls for it. Most of the time she tells him she’s sick and she isn’t technically lying. There is indeed something wrong with her. 

Her door opens softly, delicate yellow light spilling in from the hallway. Dad’s silhouette slips in, sock-clad feet silent against the carpet. On instinct, Natalie pressed herself into the wall, face hidden by her book. In the meagre light of her bedside lamp, she watches his eyebrows raise, his eyes widen and worst of all, the look of concern etched onto his face. For someone who is meant to be mostly if not entirely self-sufficient, she’s doing a pretty crappy job.

She makes a mental note to improve that. 

“Can you even see in here?”

“My vision is 21/21,” she replies. Dad hums in agreement, reaches for the light switch and pulls back. Natalie deliberately doesn’t look up as he comes over to her bed. As the lamplight illuminates his figure, she can see the plate in his hand and barely restrains her smile. Then she sees the shadows beneath his eyes. 

It’s that fucking job having him stare at a computer eight hours a day. It’s also her mother making him stare at his phone for three hours a day, waiting for a call that’s never coming. 

It was for the best but fucking hell, Diana.

“Made you some dinner.” He lowers himself onto the mattress and places the food between them. Grilled cheese and side salad and fries. Her heart hurts. 

“Thanks,” she mumbles. She slips her bookmark in and turns to face him. They sit in thorny silence, Natalie munching on her fries and not reacting to her dad’s worried gaze. 

“Everything’s okay with you, right?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” she asks. Dad blinks, rubs his forehead. Guilt prickles beneath her skin, a flash that can easily become a storm if she isn’t careful.

Keep a lid on it, she reminds herself. 

“I just haven’t seen much of you lately,” he says. “You’ve been up in your room every night this week. I haven’t heard you playing.” He clears his throat. “And I haven’t seen much of Henry either.”

“Henry’s busy. Homework. Finals. College applications.” She takes a bite of the sandwich, chews for far longer than necessary. “You know how it is.”

“That’s never stopped him before,” he presses. “He was here almost every night this week. And I know you two did in fact study, because you left this door open.” Natalie’s chest tightens. For most of her life, this house felt impossibly big; Gabriel’s absence created gaps that swallowed her whole. It’s only recently that it has come back down to size and she’s found it isn’t quite as easy to hide now that she doesn’t have her brother’s shadow to duck underneath.

Hey, asshole, she calls out to wherever he is. Any time you want to reappear and grab Dad’s attention, feel free.

“Nat?”

“Henry’s fine. Also, stop listening outside your teenage daughter’s bedroom. It’s creepy.” 

There it is folks. The trademarked Natalie Goodman charm, sharp as a knife and cutting twice as deep. It’s not easy to ignore the way her dad’s face falls, but since the alternative is worse, she pulls her knees to her chest and picks her book up.

“Everything’s fine.”

“Okay, then.”

They’re quiet for a long time; breathing in the smoke that Natalie set off. Thoughts rumble in the back of her mind and her fingers itch for her keyboard. She needs to smash something and keys are more durable than her bedroom wall.

“I love you, kid.”

Natalie bites her tongue. Tears prickle at the back of her eyes but she’ll tear this whole house down before she lets them fall. 

“I love you too,” she manages. 

It’s because she loves him that she’s getting like this.

It’s because she also loves Henry that she’s getting like this.

Fuck, she needs to stop loving people.

Avoiding Henry at the weekend is easy. Child’s play, frankly. Just puts her phone on flight mode and doesn’t leave the house.

Avoiding Henry at school is less easy. There are only so many spots she can get to and even worse, he knows her hiding spots. 

So when he appears in the doorway of the practise room, all puppy eyes and anxious tremours, she’s not even surprised. She’s mad, mostly at herself, but not surprised.

It feels like hours before he chokes out “Hey”.

It feels like weeks before she replies “Hey”.

“Good weekend?” he asks. Natalie shrugs.

“Yeah. A lot of studying.” Henry nods, smiling a perfect smile that almost hides the sadness in his eyes. 

“You didn’t answer any of my calls. Or texts. Or one excellent meme I sent you.”

“Yeah, I uh… I came down with a migraine. Couldn’t really look at my phone.” It’s not entirely a lie. At some point on Sunday an ache pressed against her temple. “Sorry to have missed your meme.”

“You should be. It was exquisite.” She huffs a laugh, a burst of light in her empty chest. It fades in seconds and she’s left with Henry and the air between them that feels far too heavy.

“Nat,” he begins. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” She’s all-too aware of the sharpness in her voice. She’s also aware of the fact that Henry has taken a half-step back, the squareness in his shoulders like he’s bracing for something.

(See, Dad never got like this with Diana. He either folded or buried his head and pretended it wasn’t happening. He never looked like Henry, with gentle eyes inviting her to break in front of him)

“Because you haven’t returned my calls.”

“I said I was sick.”

“And because you spent all of last week pulling away from me. Because I waited for you after school on Friday and you never showed up.” He moves closer to her, not enough to close the space between them. But into her orbit. “Natalie, I’m not mad-”

“I never said you were.”

“I know. I just want to know what’s wrong.”

“And I am telling you that nothing is wrong,” she says through her gritted teeth. She curls her shaking hands into fists. 

“Don’t. Please.”

“Don’t what, Henry?” she spits. Henry looks at her, eyes so wide she could fall into them. There’s a small voice in the back of her head telling her to stop, to pull back and just breathe and she wishes she could listen to hit. Unfortunately, the rest of her mind is painted red and burning. Common sense just gets lost in the smoke. “Don’t what exactly?”

“Don’t pull away from me again,” he asks. Begs. Natalie makes a small noise that’s either a scoff or a sob and hides behind her hand. Blood rushes in her ears and her chest is tightening and-

Henry’s hand rests on her shoulder. His voice comes to her, a gentle rainfall over a desert.

“I’m here. It’s okay.” He rubs circles into her shoulder. “Nat, just talk to me.”

Di, just talk to me-

She jerks away from him.

“I’m not pulling away from you,” she spits back. Her pulse races and before she can even think, she hears herself say the worst thing she can. “There’s nothing here to save, Henry. Get over yourself.”

The door slams as she closes it. She tells herself it was an accident but, well, who is she kidding? 

Henry is right. There is something wrong. Deeply, truly wrong.

And technically, he did do something to cause it. 

It was Monday. They both had free period, so Natalie had claimed that one desk at the back of study hall and shooed away anyone who tried to sit beside her. Henry had bounded in, easy smile and easier laugh.

“I had an idea.”

“Do tell.”

“So I think after graduation,” he’d said. “We should go somewhere. Just the two of us. You know… Road triiiiiip. Europe.” He wiggled his shoulders in a mock dance that made Natalie burst out laughing and the on-duty teacher glare at them. She’d stifled her giggles behind her hand as Henry ceased dancing. His eyes were bright, his cheeks pink.

“Well. What do you think?”

“I think…” She sighed, ran her hand through her hair. Pictures flash through her mind, her and Henry hand-in-hand on a foreign street. Beaches at sunsnet, roadside diners. Wearing his flannel while sleeping on a train. “I can’t think of a reason to say no.”

“Natalie Goodman, ladies and gentlemen. Breaker of a million hearts.”

“Shush, you,” she teases. She’d scooted her chair closer and pushed her shoulder against his. “It sounds perfect.” She wasn’t thinking of anyone or anything else, just her and Henry. That might have been where the problems began.

They’d spent the rest of that free period googling cheap hostels in Europe and debating which countries to go to and how she didn’t want to go to the cliché tourist spots and they definitely want to hit Prague. It had been good. Better than good. Perfect.

Then when she got home, she found her dad bent over his phone with red-rimmed eyes. Another call her mom didn’t answer, another call he made because she wasn’t here to stop him. She’d pulled him away from the phone, made them dinner, watched the Bachelor with him. She did all without complaint, without even thinking.

Then Henry sent her a link for a hostel in Prauge. And everything came crashing down. She’d glanced at her dad over the top of her phone, took in the pallour of his face. She’d glanced at her phone, at the array of emojis Henry had sent.

She can’t leave her dad.

She also can’t say now without crushing Henry.

So, she did what she’s best at. Bolted.

It has now officially been six days, two hours and fourteen minutes since she started running.

She isn’t sure when she started keeping track. What she does know is that this has been the longest six days of her life and when you factor in the hospital visits and the endless, sleepless nights, that says something.

It’s now Saturday night, and Natalie has ditched her Mary Shelley essay and pulled her shoebox from her bookcase. Because her head hurts and her better judgement deserted her a while ago.

See, Henry’s a sentimental moron. She pretends she hates it. Henry takes dozens of pictures of her every time they go out. Natalie puts her favourite ones on the wall and keeps the rest in this box. Occasionally she will take them out, giggle at the memories, feel stupidly nostalgic. Remind herself what she’s trying for.

And tonight, she’s reminding herself what a fuck-up she is. Their memories are strewn across the room, on her bed and around the floor. Natalie looks so happy in all of them, even the ones where she’s pretending to be mad at him. There’s a calmness and a steadiness that she can’t recall for the life of her. How were all of these this year? How was she so happy at one point and how did she mess it up so badly?

Maybe Goodman women just aren’t meant to be happy.

“Should I be glad you’re not burning them?”

Her heart stops. Henry stands in the doorway, bathed in the orange light from the hall. The corner of his mouth turns upwards.

“That one’s one of my favourites.” He points to the one closest to the door, Natalie sticking her tongue out in front of the penguin exhibit at the zoo, clad in Henry’s jacket.

“Why are you here?” she asks. Henry just looks at her and shrugs.

“Because I wanted to see you.”

“Why?” she asks again. His gaze doesn’t waver, but his shoulders sag. He exhales, a short and bitter thing that hits her like a speeding train. 

“Well for one, I needed to check you don’t hate me. Which, unless you are planning to burn those pictures-”

“I don’t hate you.” The words come out in a desperate rush, accompanied by her racing heart and tears pricking her eyes. “I don’t.”

Henry nods. Tentatively, like he’s walking over a minefield, he steps into the room.

“Okay. I know you don’t.” He slides his hands into his pockets. He looks again and this time looks through her. “Natalie? What’s going on?”

“I-” Her face burns. “Noth-” She can’t breathe. “It’s fi-” Her knees buckle.

Henry catches her. Photos crackle as he sets her down. Her fingers curl into his jacket and she needs to stop, because the air is crackling and it’s going to explode but she can’t let go because she’ll drown if she does.

Her face finds its way to his shoulder. The tears run down her face, his skin, his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” she gasps. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” His hand tangles in her hair, his heart beats against hers. “Just breathe. It’s okay.”

God, she doesn’t deserve him.

Minutes pass in silence, Henry stroking her hair until the smoke in her lungs clears and she can breathe again. 

“Do you want to tell me what this was all about?”

Honestly? No, she doesn’t. She wants to leap from the window and just run.

Another picture crinkles beneath her foot. A close-up of Henry in the practise room. She can remember herself cackling as she took it. 

“Prague.”

“Prague?”

“And Europe. And travelling. And everything.” She closes her eyes. Saying it out loud, she realises how pathetic she sounds. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” He kisses her head. “Look, it was just a suggestion. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, no I do. I want to.” She slides her fingers between his, wills her racing heart to slow down. “I just can’t.” Guilt claws at her stomach. “I’m sorry.”

“Nat, it’s okay,” he tells her. He pulls away but before Natalie can panic he takes her face in his hands. “It’s okay, Nat. I just wish you would’ve told me.” She chuckles against his shoulder, a sad and self-depricating sound.

“Didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“My feelings have been through worse.” He touches his forehead to hers. Their noses brush. “Besides. It would be a privilege to have my feelings hurt by you.”

“Don’t quote John Green at me.”

Henry laughs, and for the first time in a week Natalie feels safe. Not okay. Not normal. But safe. 

Her shoulders fall, just a fraction. Just enough.

“So…” he begins. “Can I ask why you can’t go?”

Her eyes close. The words cling to the back of her throat, desperate to stay unsaid. 

“My dad,” she confesses. “Last week, when I got home, he was a wreck. I can’t leave him. Not for that long.” She sags against him, what little strength she had gone. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he says again. “I get it.”

Of course, he does.

She is about to ask if he has plans for tonight when the door creaks open. She instinctively jerks away from Henry, and after the initial embarrassment comes the shame, because her dad is outside her door and heard everything and he looks like he wants the ground to swallow him.

Natalie did that. To him. 

Henry’s hand holds hers and it’s the only reason she isn’t spiralling again.

“Henry, can I talk to my daughter for a moment?”

Henry looks at her. She nods, and after one more squeeze he releases her hand.

“Of course sir.”

“Wait downstairs,” she tells him. He nods and kisses her head before he goes, not bothered at all by her dad’s presence. Damn, she loves him. Loves the absolute crap out of him.

Loves him so much she almost wishes she’d asked him to stay.

Her dad walks into the room, at the same time Natalie swings her legs around and pulls herself up. 

“Dad, I-”

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Henry planned on going away?”

“Because we aren’t going away. I’m not.” She gives her best approximation of a smile. “I’m staying here, Dad. Don’t worry.”

“Nat.” A heavy sigh storms through him. His shoulders sag, and as he pinches the bridge of his nose, Natalie feels a deep and terrible pit open up inside her. On instinct, she pulls her sleeve over hands and withdraws into the shadows.

“Dad?”

“Natalie what do you think we-I-want for you?” he asks her. “I don’t-I don’t want you to wait for me to fall apart so you can fix it.”

“Well, I don’t want you to sit here alone.” Waiting for her to come back, she adds silently. 

One night flashes through her mind; Dad at work, Diana screaming in the bathroom, Natalie’s homework abandoned on her desk as she starts up the car. 

Then comes another, just after Diana left. Dad staring blankly out the window, Natalie approaching carefully. Waiting a moment to wrap her arms around his waist, a moment more to rest her head on his shoulder.

More than once, she has felt the weight of this house press down on her. 

If she were to step back, what might happen to it?

Her dad’s hands come around her wrists, careful, gentle, like she’s made of glass. Natalie hates it, the feeling of fragility makes her want to scream, but the look on her dad’s face makes her hold it back. 

“Natalie….” he sighs. “I’m not-I won’t pretend I won’t miss you.” He gives a small, self-pitying chuckle. “Hell, I won’t pretend I won’t worry about you every day until you come back.”

“Dad-”

“But I’ll worry about you more if you stay here.” He looks up at her, eyes glistening. “The last thing I ever wanted for you is to be stuck in here your whole life.”

“I don’t mind-”

“Yes, you do. I know you do, Nat. I know you.”

Natalie bites her tongue. A lump builds in her throat, suffocating her.

“I won’t tell you what you should do,” he goes on. He’s squeezing her hands so hard his fingerprints might be embedded on her skin. “But I will tell you that you’ve spent enough time worrying about this family. You’ve got your own life, Nat. I need you to live it.”

Her own life. Thinking about it like that feels strange. She has always known why she came into this world; it was to fill a void her brother left. Everything she ever did was either in service of or fighting against that purpose.

She’s not sure she exists beyond it.

The few times she’s felt she did was…

Well.

When she was with Henry. 

Damn it.

Tears run down her cheeks, a whole week in the making. A voice in her head whispers to stop, that she doesn’t do this in front of Dad of all people. When he pulls her against his chest, she fights him on instinct. It takes more strength than it should to melt against him.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. You’ve spent too long taking care of us.” 

“What if something happens to you when I’m gone?” 

Dad cups her head and guides it to his shoulder. It isn’t natural, not the way it is with Henry. But it’s okay.

“You’ll only be a phone call away.”

It’s meant to be comforting, but she won’t let it. She’s pushing against it with all she has.

“Natalie,” Dad whispers. “Breathe.”

Breathe. She does. She lowers her shoulders, steps back. She doesn’t stop pushing-she can’t-but she bends. 

“You’ll be okay?” she asks. Dad sighs and pushes her hair away from her face.

“I will,” he says. “And if I’m not, I’ll get through it.”

She nods slowly, a mere dip of her chin.

He. Will. Be. Okay.

They stay there for what feels like forever, the words sinking in bit by bit, wearing away at Natalie’s guards. 

“I think Henry is still in our hallway, by the way.”

Natalie barely restrains a smile.

Of fucking course he is. 

If there’s one thing he does well, it’s wait. 

Months later, she sends her dad a new picture, her and Henry on a cobbled Czech street, Henry kissing her cheek while she laughs.

Dad had said she looked happy.

Natalie replied that she was. 

If anything, it was an understatement. 

[insanityisdivine]

[ID: A screenshot of a tweet by Publishers week(…) that reads, "Breaking: The Internet Archive has lots its appeal in Hachette v. Internet Archive, the long-running, closely watched copyright case over the scanning and lending of print library books. Full story to follow". This is followed by a response by Jenny_tightpants / halomancer1, that reads, "Oh so the AI can read as many copyrighted books as it wants for free but when I want to do that it's suddenly an issue". End ID.]

insanity. I fucking hate this. The people depend on this. You know kw how fucking hard to source expsnsive old textbooks that you will never use again? So many are out of print but are still assigned to courses. Most don't come in accessible formats and for students you'd have to buy a physical copy, wait for weeks for someone else to converts these scans into a pdf or whatever just so you can fall behind in your studies. I ain't making this shit up. Also sometimes the scans aren't even readable in the pdf. They are just images so you can't even search for a word or a chapter