#can you please behave like a normal person who makes normal person judgements

[labyrynth]

PSA for “canon jiang cheng” folks:

please stop using the “subordinate” thing as a basis for your arguments. that word does not mean what you seem to think it means.

y’all talk about jc asking wwx to be his subordinate as if it’s like some show of disrespect. some of y’all literally use it as “evidence” that jc “never cared about wwx” and that he “never viewed wwx as anything but a servant” but like.

my friends. subordinate literally just means “someone with a lower rank (than someone else).” it does not carry any connotations of subservience, servitude, lesser worth, or disrespect.

we understand how sect leadership works in mdzs, yes? there is One (1) sect leader.

Everyone who is Not the sect leader, but is affiliated with that sect, is Subordinate to the Sect Leader.

nobody ever claims that lan xichen didn’t care about lan wangji, lan qiren, or any of the juniors, even though they were all subordinate to him as the sect leader.

nobody ever claims that jin guangshan viewed madame jin, jin zixuan, or jin zixun as “just servants” or even servants at all, even though they were all subordinate to him as the sect leader.

hell, nobody even claims that nie mingjue viewed meng yao as “just a servant,” even when meng yao actually WAS a servant!

[edit: apparently some people are taking objection to calling meng yao as a servant? y’all, they literally made him be their water boy. what would you call that?]

that’s just how leadership works! being subordinate isn’t a bad thing!! it’s just “a person who has a boss”

“right-hand-man” IS a subordinate position to “sect leader,” and it’s also literally the highest position jc could have given wwx without quite literally making wwx sect leader!

so like. unless you ARE legitimately arguing that jiang cheng should have forced wei wuxian to become sect leader of yunmengJiang, just…please drop it.

that word Does Not mean what you Think it means. the thing you are Mad about is Made Up. please just let it go.

[madetwolast]

Dating Apps

I'll preface this entire post by pointing out that my relationship happened fully, organically in-person. It predates the astronomical rise of dating apps. I've never had to deal with inappropriate messages, or misogynistic men, or awkward conversations or ghosting. If you are in the app-based dating scene, you have my fullest sympathies. I'll never pretend to know what it's like, or how troublesome it can be.

While I am a huge supporter of taking it back "old school" the rest of this will be focused on my best advice for those who are relying on online dating in some capacity.

First, I firmly believe that your apps should be a means to an end- with the end being an in-person, real-life connection. You should not be online dating with the intention of staying virtual indefinitely. In-person meetings need to happen to establish whether there's truly a connection. If you don't add the real-life ingredient, you open yourself up to being tied to a fantasy with no end in sight.

If I were in your shoes and using apps or websites, these are a few things I'd be pretty firm on:

Swiping Right

It should go without saying that you should not accept someone you're not attracted to. If marriage is your goal, you have to get in the habit of not wasting your time or anyone else's. That means you shouldn't accept someone just because you like the attention you might be receiving. Maybe a lot of people are accepting you, or viewing your profile, or DMing you. I promise it will not translate to real-life success if you're unfocused. Be critical, be selective, and be fast. Don't talk yourself into anyone, and don't let flattery cloud your judgement. Narrow things down to people you could see yourself being interested in.

Limiting DMs

It can be so easy to get sucked into text conversations indefinitely. They're incredibly convenient. The issue becomes this: if you give someone enough opportunity, they'll eventually say something you don't like. Or, you'll end up in a conversation that's headed nowhere. One of the strangest phenomena in the rise of social media is how willing people are to say just about anything via a comment or private message. That holds true whether it's someone you know or a total stranger.

When you match with someone, you should be aiming to line up a date within the first 5 minutes of conversation. Yes, really.

You shouldn't need to vet someone for hours or days to know if you want to hang out with them. If you were attracted enough to "swipe right" and if in 5 minutes of conversation they were normal and equally attracted to you, it's time to take the connection off line.

Timing

You'll have a million options for dates. My advice would be to always plan a first date in the afternoon. I'd recommend either lunch or an activity. My rationale is simple- coffee is too casual, and dinner is too formal for a first meeting. Dinner comes with a lot of expectations and implications. It would be better to save it for when you know there's a spark- so, either the second or third date (I'd personally lean toward third date)

Back to lunch now. Lunch or an afternoon activity gives you an opportunity to see someone during the day and hopefully behaving as they truly are. Afternoons also provide flexibility. You can cut it short if you're not feeling it, or you can make the outing last several hours if you are feeling it.

Also, don't expect the person you're interested in to do all the thinking. Have a few restaurants or activities in mind to suggest. Make sure to ask what they think too, so that it feels collaborative.

Advancing

Hopefully your first date goes really well. If it does, I'd recommend making the end of the date the moment you share your personal number. I would not recommend giving your number via the dating app, during the initial conversation. Save it for after the date, when you're sure this is someone you want to continue exploring.

If you're into the person, please limit your text conversations. Try to work with a goal of talking over the phone, Facetiming, or meeting in person. Text will just never convey the same energy as a normal conversation. It's important that this person can hear your voice or read your facial expressions. Not only will it help grow your connection, it could also help prevent simple misunderstandings with tone or humor.

Don't be coy or too casual. If you want to see this person again, you should make that known. Don't let too long pass before you're making plans to see each other again. It's okay to be up-front about that expectation. If the other person isn't feeling it, then it was destined to fail anyway.

Dating coaches (there are a million of them) are known to tell people to be "marriage minded" and bring up married/family life as quickly as possible. I know this sounds super daunting. You might worry that you're coming on way too strong. The point I would make is this: you need to be able to filter out people who aren't going to commit.

When you say you're interested in marriage, you're not proposing to your date. You're simply laying out an expectation. They should be able to at the very least say that they are also interested in marriage. If you get someone who says they don't see themselves ever getting married, well there's your answer.

I'll add that three dates should be enough for you to know if you want to be exclusive with this person. That doesn't mean you get engaged or move in together. It just means that's the point at which you should define whether you want to stop talking to other people or not. I think of the first three dates as almost like rounds of job interviews. If I've gone through three rounds in the process, it's time for you to tell me whether I got the job or what comes next. I can't keep interviewing indefinitely.

Hopefully you're both on the same page and you can let things blossom!

Questions to ponder:

Am I on this app/site for attention, or for connection? Am I navigating in a way that will give me real-life results? Am I engaging in conversations headed to nowhere? Do my online persona and real-life persona match? Is the person I'm on this date with experiencing the authentic me? Am I playing games?

[maybestoryideas]

Babysitting Skid & Pump w/ Agoti and Tabi

How They Met

In a momentary lapse of your infinite wisdom and judgement, you accidentally scheduled to meet up with Agoti and Tabi on the same day you offered to watch over the Skid and Pump for Lila. Apparently she had to leave town for the day, and the kids had been getting in more trouble than usual.

You were getting ready to leave for Lila’s, only to be met with a screen demon and floating skull when you opened your front door.

After explaining the situation to them, you promised to hang out some other day, when you wouldn’t be busy. Somehow, Agoti interpreted this as an invitation to join you and help babysit, which is the exact opposite of what you were implying.

You were more than a little worried about Skid and Pump meeting your friends. The kids could be quite the handful sometimes, and your friends were prone to… outbursts.

“Hey, Tabi! I didn’t know you had a little brother.”

“Shut the fu-“

“Language.”

When Skid and Pump see Agoti and Tabi, they’re instantly attached.

“Skid, Pump, these are my friends, and they were just leaving.”

“I like your spooky masks!”

“Um, thanks… Why are you two wearing costumes?”

“It is the spooky month!”

“It’s 90 degrees outside.”

“Wanna see something really cool?”

Agoti then proceeds to get down on the sidewalk and start doing push-ups with his tongue. Skid and Pump are instantly impressed.

“Your spooky friend is so cool!”

“They think I’m cool. Whaddya say about that?”

“I say you just licked a public sidewalk and probably need to go to a hospital.”

“Can Agoti and Tabi hang out with us today? Please?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure they have very important adult things to do and need to get going.”

“Not really.”

“Dang-it.”

“Please???”

Skid, Pump, AND Agoti are at your legs, staring up at you with big begging eyes. Tabi is standing behind them with secondhand embarrassment.

“F-Fine!”

“Yay!”

Agoti is constantly bragging and being a show-off for the kids; he’s playing it up more than normal. Meanwhile Tabi’s being a lot more chill, vaguely answering any questions the kids have about him.

“You’re so good a video games!”

“Yeah, I’m a bit of a celebrity. I actually got so famous that these jerks tried to get rid of me. Obviously it didn’t work, though, and blah blah bla-blah blah…”

“Are you a ghost?”

“My body’s invisible. It’s a long story.”

Skid and Pump try to teach them the Spooky Dance. Emphasis on ‘try’.

“How are you moving your arms that quickly?!”

“I feel like an idiot.”

Meanwhile, you’re recording all of it on your phone. Haha! Blackmail.

You spent the day playing video games, watching TV, and hanging around the house.

So, at the end of the day, it wasn’t a total disaster.

Together

After Agoti and Tabi showed that they can act like decent people in front of kids, you agreed to let them join you whenever you’re babysitting.

You thought having three adults keeping track of two kids would make things easier, but they somehow manage to get into more trouble between the four of them.

“You’re supposed to the mature ones! How do you manage to cause this much trouble? On accident?!”

You always end up having to be the ‘Mom-friend’, but it rarely does any good.

“Let’s go to the spooky forest.”

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

“Let’s… not?”

“Let’s put it to a vote! Who wants to go into the cool spooky, haunted, abandoned forest?”

[Three hands immediately go up, followed by a fourth]

“And who wants to stay home and be boring?”

[One awkward hand goes up]

To be fair, Tabi at least tries to be a responsible adult, so it balances out Agoti’s chaotic enabling.

They once took everyone to Zardy’s maze. Never. Ever. Again.

“You’re going to get us lost, just like last time!”

“That was your fault! I knew exactly where we were going, but you kept taking us in the wrong direction!”

“Guys, we haven’t even gone into the maze yet. Look, the sign’s right behind yo-”

*angry SEGA Genesis and angry Russian noises intensify*

You decided to take Skid and Pump through the maze, and just left the two screaming outside the entrance. When you finally got to the end, they were still screaming. Not at each other, but at a scarecrow.

They’re a lot more well-behaved when you’re just hanging around town. Probably because otherwise they’d have to deal with police and witnesses.

If any shady creeps approach your group, Agoti and Tabi will stand right behind Skid and Pump, silently threatening until they back off.

They also do it whenever the Hatzgang starts picking on Skid and Pump, though they tone it down since Roy and his friends are still teenagers.

“Hey kid. You’re not causing trouble for my friends here, right?”

“N-No, sir! We’re just… kidding around. Oh God, please don’t kill me!”

For one Halloween, Skid and Pump dressed up as Tabi and Agoti.

“Aw! You two are look so cool and spooky!”

“How come you never call us cool and spooky?”

“Skid and Pump are cute kids. You two are public menaces.”

You frequently visit the candy store at the end of the day. On the off chance that there’s something the kids want but can’t get, Agoti will pay for it or bribe Kevin to look the other way. Sometimes it doesn’t work and then Tabi will threaten to demolish the store. That always works. You’ve started forcing them to wait outside the store while you buy everything yourself.

Even though Agoti and Tabi’s chaotic personalities feed into Skid and Pump’s mischievous behavior, you can tell that they genuinely like the kids, and you’re happy they get along well. Sometimes.

“Pump, where did you learn that word?”

“I heard Agoti shouting it when he was playing video games.”

“I thought so.”

Meanwhile

“Hm…”

“What’s up, dude?”

“I don’t why, but I think [Name’s] gonna kick my ass tomorrow.”

(Thanks for reading! Please give me things to write about?)

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Crimson Ties (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 3

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: Typical Vampire shenanigans + mentions of animal death Genre: Hurt + comfort Summary: Time to meet the family! What exactly has Cassandra told her mother? Can Bela convince her family to calm the hell down? We'll find out! Spoiler: there's the start of a cute date afterwards Notes: Once more we visit Bela's private study, which I first described in a chapter of Serenade. Added a few more details this time. PS reader is probably low-key a theater nerd with a hint of a goth phase, just saying. Also this chap is a little short, sorry. Previous Chapters: 1: Stem the Flow, 2: Tangled Strands

3: Rumbling Thunder

Heart racing, you step into the dining room, just behind Bela. Both of you are nervous, but find comfort in each other. Still, what you see upon entering only makes you feel worse. At the head of a large table stands none other than Lady Alcina Dimitrescu. Besides her is her middle daughter, the one who confronted you earlier, who sends you a knowing smirk as you walk in. Lady Dimitrescu, on the other hand, is scowling. Her eyes are squinted in a clear display of disapproval. If not for Bela’s hand squeezing your own, it was likely that you would have fainted from fear.

“I see Cassandra has wasted no time in spreading rumors,” Bela said bitterly. You’re amazed by her ability to stand tall in the face of her family’s tension. Yet there was a part of you that wondered if you were worth the struggle, at least for your soulmate. Thankfully, you are not given much time to ponder the thought. No, you’re being pulled towards the closest side of the tabe, guided next to an ornate seat. Neither Bela nor yourself sit yet, however. “Please, mother, do not be hasty to make your judgement. I promise that-”

“Do not presume to tell me of my own business, daughter. The timing of my judgement is my prerogative, not yours,” Lady Dimitrescu interrupted, staring right at you. A shiver runs down your spine at the eye contact. What did Cassandra say to her? You wonder, struggling to breathe past the lump in your throat. Even Bela becomes visibly nervous at the interaction. “Now… are you certain, without a doubt, that this is your soulmate?” Did she really even have to ask? What were the chances that Bela would save you, one person out of at least a dozen in the cellar, for any other reason? Still, your soulmate straightens up at the attention, and replies as confidently as possible.

“Yes, of course, mother. I would not dare risk your anger for any lesser reason,” Bela assured. Then she gives your hand another soft squeeze, before pulling hers back a little, catching the thread that bound you together with her fingers. Lifting it, she tugs it somewhat absentmindedly. Out of habit you immediately return the action. Unfortunately, those around you would be unable to see the display. For all they knew, the two of you could be faking it, simply attempting to get out of the situation unscathed. Surprisingly though, you see Alcina hesitate. Her left hand twitches as if she was thinking of her own red string. Has she ever met her partner? Did she know the pure joy that her daughter had so recently felt?... Maybe she’d be more sympathetic to your situation if she had.

“We will see if your defiance pans out in time, Bela. For now… Why don’t we hear what your pet has to say about themselves, hmm?” Lady Dimitrescu suggested, giving a somewhat devious smile. Next to you, Bela grimaces, then sends you a pleading look. Alas, you cannot read her mind, and can only guess as to how you’re supposed to respond. Bowing is a sign of respect in virtually all cultures, you think, probably a good place to start.

“It is an immeasurable pleasure to formally make your acquaintance, Lady Dimitrescu,” you said, before giving your full name. Then you rise from your bow, once more making eye contact. Out of the corner of your vision you see Cassandra rolling her eyes. “I know that I am a mere human, and hardly the epitome of a prime specimen. But I am determined to prove my worth, for there is no prize on this earth more grand than being allowed to love Lady Bela. Every ounce of my willpower is prepared to devote myself to this task, entirely, so that I may give Lady Bela the courtship and happiness that she is deserving. It is both an obligation and an honor.” Hopefully your soulmate wouldn’t mind you using the same line twice, at least under these circumstances.

In the seconds that follow, several things happen: One, you see Cassandra frown a little, and refuse to look in your direction. Two, Lady Dimitrescu makes a surprised face, but quickly shifts into an expression of satisfaction. Thirdly, Bela’s hand finds your own again, giving it an incredibly soft squeeze. Last but not least… someone you haven’t seen before enters the room. She has red hair, a green pendant around her neck, and eyes that light up with curiosity when she sees you. If you had to guess, you’d assume that she was another one of Bela’s sisters. Here’s hoping she’s a tad bit friendlier, you think.

“Did I miss anything? Ooh, please tell me we’re having this lovely stranger for breakfast?” She asked, grinning maniacally. So much for being friendlier, you think, figuring that she was being literal. Based on the way Bela tenses up in response, you’re probably right. Before she can protest, however, Lady Dimitrescu clears her throat and speaks.

“Ah, Daniela… This stranger-” she says the word with far less venom than you anticipated, but it is venom nonetheless- “is your dear sister’s soulmate. We will not be draining them of blood. Again. Assuming that they behave themselves. Is that clear?” She asked, staring down at the newcomer. There’s a slight pause, tension still lingering in the air, followed by a sigh of relief from Bela. Much to your surprise, neither Cassandra nor Daniela seem particularly upset by this announcement. In fact, the latter simply shrugs and takes her seat at the table. Next thing you know everyone else is sitting as well, including Bela, who gestures for you to follow suit. “I’ll have one of the servants fetch you some more… appropriate food. Cynthia, my dear?” Soon enough a maiden, perhaps a decade or two older than yourself, hurriedly enters the room. With a bow, she addresses Alcina.

“Yes, Lady Dimitrescu?”

“Have Miss Bouregard make an extra plate of whatever it is you sort eat, and bring it here. We have an… unexpected guest,” Alcina explained. At that, Cynthia glances at you, her eyes briefly widening in surprise. Without another word she turns away, giving another bow before heading away to fulfill her task. Once more you’re the only human in the room. Oddly enough, you manage to feel quite at ease, as if surviving one round was enough to guarantee you’d win the overall game. Well, at the very least you now had a chance. Regardless of what was to come, you were glad for that, for this opportunity to be with your soulmate. At the end of the day… little else mattered to you.

———————————

Much to your relief, the rest of breakfast proceeded smoothly. Conversation was sparse, with most of it being hushed whispers from the other side of the table, but you hardly minded. Normally you would find it rude. Now, you were simply pleased that they weren’t being up front with their hostility. More so, it allowed you and Bela to have your own conversation, which mainly pertained to your plans for the day. Several times during your discussion, a glance elsewhere would show you that Alcina was paying attention. Exactly once you even saw her attempting to hide a smile. A sense of pride had swelled in your chest at the sight.

It has remained there, even until now, as you move into Bela’s private study. One quick survey of the room tells you a thousand things about your soulmate. For starters, it’s clear that she’s musically inclined. There’s a harp in one corner, adjacent to a folded music stand, as well as a small bookshelf dedicated entirely to sheet music. A couple medium sized instrument cases are nearby, but you don’t immediately recognize their shape. Further into the room is a rather old looking desk, slightly worn, yet clearly cared for. Possibly passed down the generations? Next to the desk is a massive window with a couple spare chairs. All across the walls were bookshelves and mementos, including several skulls (at least one of them human). Every book you looked over appeared to be well read, with many bookmarks inside, some held together by tape and prayers.

“This… this is sublime, my darling. I could rest here for a month and hardly finish cherishing half the space!” You said, grinning at your soulmate. She’s equally pleased, seeming a tad relieved as well. Perhaps she had worried you’d be thrown off by the skulls? Wanting to reassure her, you approach that particular shelf, examining them closely. However, you do not touch them, not wanting to risk damaging her collection. “Truly marvellous. Dare I ask where you got these specimens?” It’s a joke, but Bela stiffens nonetheless, making you quickly redact your statement. “My apologies, I meant it as a jest. Though you are welcome to tell me more about them if you so desire! I will listen with rapt attention, I promise.”

“Most of them are gifts from Cassandra. During the summers we hunt, her more so than Daniela or myself. I… dislike wasting anything, and there’s only so much to be done with most bones. They have quite a few ornamental uses, however. Useful for study, as well,” Bela mentioned, smiling softly. Then she moves to stand next to you, carefully reaching to grab one of the skulls. “This was from one of our hounds, actually. I raised her from puppy to adult, took her on every hunt, even let her sleep in my quarters on colder nights. When she got sick I…” A pause, mouth open but unmoving, eyes slipping shut. “I couldn’t bring myself to put her down. Even argued with my mother, night after night, begging for another choice. None came, of course, and in the end even I could not deny her the softest embrace of death… Still, you must think me strange, to keep such a thing as a reminder of her.”

“Not at all, my dear. We all remember, and grieve, in our own ways. I’ve often found myself intrigued by skulls, of all sorts,” you admitted, sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck with your hand. “All we are, our minds or mayhap our souls, contained in one hard shell. It’s incredible, and terrifying, all at the same time, to hold one in my hands, or even merely examine one. Oh, what stories these bones could tell, if only they could talk… Though I suppose there are entire fields of science devoted to such a thought…” With that said, you look back at Bela just in time to see her staring fondly at the canine skull. Then she places it back on its perch, dusting her hands off afterwards, taking one last moment to appreciate her collection.

“I’m glad you and I agree on this,” she said softly. Once more she’s looking at you, smiling wide. “Now let’s make memories of our own, to hold in our bones forevermore, yes?”

[everybody-loves-purdy]

Bramble and Squilf are so bad for each other. But I don’t get how that’s abusing Please explain

Have you read Squirrelflight’s Hope? If not then to get a full understanding of this I would highly recommending doing so so you can fully have context for a majority of what makes Bramblestar abusive.

Before I give a quick explanation I would also highly recommended watching “Bramblestar is Worse” by Moonkitti since that will explain the whole thing a lot better and in a lot more detail than I can achieve here.

Ok so basically, in Squirrelflight’s Hope Bramblestar’s behaviour towards Squirrelflight is straight up abusive, to the point where it even recontextualises some of their past arguments and interactions from what many people previously saw them as. To give a quick summary in Squirrelflight’s Hope Bramblestar and Squirrelflight disagree on how to resolve a land dispute and they argue - a lot. The fact that the are arguing isn’t the issue itself (even though it does really make the book drag, they argue for 4 pages straight at one point iirc), the issue is how Bramblestar behaves. And before I begin I just want to say it’s been a while since I have last read this book - it is not my intention to get anything wrong so if I do I promise it’s not intentional and I would appreciate knowing so I can make an edit.

He gaslights her- in Squirrelflight’s Hope he is constantly forcing her to question her judgement, he tells her that the Sisters are bad (despite not actually knowing them while Squirrel does) and tells her that she is a disloyal clan cat and that she has bad judgement. Due to this Squirrelflight begins to question herself more and more as the book goes on. To the point where she questions whether she belongs in ThunderClan anymore.

He exerts authority over her in a way that is inappropriate on both a personal and professional level- He forces her to run every single decision she makes by him, no matter how small or trivial. If she doesn’t comply he threatens her with demotion. She literally has no freedom to perform any of her usual duties. She wants to send out a hunting patrol? Bramblestar has to know and he has to approve who she wants to send. This isn’t normal. The point of a deputy is to do all this stuff so the leader doesn’t have to. Deputies should never need to do this unless it’s a battle patrol or something. He is punishing her. He even tells her at one point not to speak during a gathering iirc. That’s her right. Every clan cat should have the right to speak at a gathering. He takes that away from her.

He ostracises her - For a large period in the book he will not speak to her at all, no matter how hard Squirrelflight tries to engage in conversation with him, he will only talk to her when he’s giving her orders. This isn’t some little spat where he just won’t talk to her for an hour or two. This goes on for days. At one point he even refuses to speak up in her defence when the other Clans begin calling her a traitor at a gathering . He just watches. She is his deputy, she is his wife. Even if you are arguing with your spouse I assume you wouldn’t just stand there and watch as your rivals publicly ridicule and attack her. This isn’t normal.

He emotionally manipulates her - Early on in the book Squirrelflight expresses an interest in having more kits and poses the question to Bramblestar. Once she realises he doesn’t want anymore she decides to drop it and not press it further even though it does upset her (she tries not to let this show). In the book Bramblestar keeps bringing up kits in emotionally charged situations as a way of manipulating her, as well as bringing up other things like her supposed disloyalty and love for the sisters over her clan as a way to manipulate her.

Also there’s the entire scene where Squirrelflight is trying to get a dying cat some treatment, Bramblestar refuses to allow this dying cat to receive treatment by physically forcing himself between the dying cat and Leafpool, and then has the audacity to ask Squirrelflight “Why are you doing this to me?”

Also right at the end of the book he says “We should never let things get so bad” as his way of apologising as if he wasn’t the one actively continuing and escalating this dispute the entire book and purposely making Squirrelflight doubt herself more and more and feel worthless. All she wants to do is solve things with her husband. He doesn’t let her. Yes what she did to get him so angry with her in the first place was wrong (sneaking out to investigate some potential land for SkyClan behind his back since he was being very dismissive of her opinions), but she didn’t deserve this. There were points in this book I was scared for Squirrelflight. I was scared about what Bramblestar might do to her next. How he might decide to punish her next. What he was doing to her was abusive.

[silverblood5]

LunterWeek 2021 Day 5: Role Swap

@lunterweek

So for my Role Swap, I've had Hunter be the one who travels to the Human Realm.

I wrote down some backstory and ideas related to this below if you wanted to check it out. It ended up being a bit long and there’s a special message at the end. So if you like this concept, please read on.

Hunter comes across the Human Realm before the events of the series, whether by accident, or in an attempt to get away. He is taken in by his Wittebane relatives who know all about the Demon Realm. Hunter chooses to stay, and his relatives want to give him something of a normal adolescence, so he is enrolled in the local school.

To hide his more witchy traits, Hunter wears a beanie to cover his ears and brown contacts to hide his eyes. They’re not exactly perfect though, and you can see a tinge of reddish-purple behind them if you get close enough.

Despite trying to fit in as a normal human, Hunter keeps his distance from people, and doesn’t make any friends. Still learning how to behave in a completely new society surrounded by people his own age, Hunter tends to act in ways people think are weird, and his more confrontational tendencies mean he’s not afraid to get in a fight and sees nothing wrong with decking a person who’s acting like a jerk.

It’s as he’s sitting in a room waiting to speak to the principal about one such fight, that a girl a couple years younger than him is dragged in by her frazzled teacher. Both are wiping tiny spiders off of them, and the girl is trying to convince the teacher she meant no harm. She was only trying to create an accurate depiction of a griffin, and that meant she had to include spider breath. The teacher snaps at her and tells her sit down and not cause any more trouble.

Luz is sullen until a voice speaks up next to her, “You know Griffins don’t actually have spider breath, it’s just that spiders are attracted to their saliva, so they’re often seen crawling in and out of their mouths.”

At first thinking the boy was going to tease her, Luz becomes ecstatic that someone understands what she was trying to do. Luz begins talking more about Griffins, and Hunter joins in, interested in her knowledge and excitement over something he considered a mundane subject. It’s only halfway through the conversation that Hunter remembers that Griffins don’t exist in the Human Realm. He stops correcting her about facts, but Luz is so happy to talk to someone about her interests she doesn’t realise. Hunter is called in to the office and their conversation ends.

Luz wants to talk to him again, but since he’s older, they don’t share any classes. She finds him the next day at lunch and goes to eat with him. At first, Hunter is hesitant to talk to her, as he’s afraid he may let something slip about the Demon Realm, but there’s no harm in talking about ‘fictional’ topics, and she’s the most interesting person he’s met at the school. Plus, she seems genuinely excited to talk to him, even though she knows of his less than stellar reputation that makes the other kids stay away from him. She’s not as judgemental, and he loves the way her face lights up when he talks about her favourite mythical creatures.

The two don’t talk often, being separate by two years, and their most common meeting places are their lunch spots by the tree and on the roof, and the detention room. Both have a reputation for being weird outcasts and troublemakers, and it’s the beginning of their friendship.

Once they’re friends, they begin to meet outside of school. Luz learns he’s new to town and takes him to some of her favourite places, while Hunter takes her on hikes through the woods. He loves all the different plants and animals there and they make a game of giving everything they see weird names. One day, Luz takes them to the library first, they check out books relating to botany and local wildlife and spend the whole day reading and learning different things in the woods.

Luz doesn’t have as much of an interest in these things as Hunter does, but she’s happy to do it for her first real friend, and to pay him back for being the first person she could share her interests with. The smile on his face as he learns new facts about the wildlife is worth every second, and Luz finds herself staring at him more than the surroundings.

Hunter finds out Luz is being bullied by some people in her class, and when she refuses to let him do anything about it, he offers to teach her how to fight. Luz declines, saying she’s too nice for that and she has no intention of getting into a physical altercation over some people calling her a ‘freak’ and a ‘luzer’. She says she’s fine and she can deal with them on her own, but Hunter convinces her to learn a few moves anyway because there’s ‘no harm in learning self-defence’, and he’d ‘seen how lacklustre the school’s sports programs are, no wonder you have such ‘weak nerd arms’’.

During all this, Camila is thrilled that her daughter finally has a friend (maybe more if the way she constantly talks about him and blushes is any indication), but during one of her trips to the school the principal informs her of his reputation of getting into fights. She’s torn between not wanting to be judgemental and seeing how happy Luz is now, and worrying if this boy might be a bad influence. Wanting to see what he’s really like, she asks Luz to invite him to dinner so she can meet him herself.

I realise as I’m writing this out, I’ve actually got a ton of ideas for this and I’m officially jotting it down as a future project. I just wanted to put a few ideas down as a backstory to the artwork, but now I have all this and so much more. Hence, why I’m stopping here. I don’t want to put everything here and spoil it for when I eventually make it into its own fic.

If you’re interested in seeing this become a full thing, please let me know. It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything that wasn’t a one-shot, so I’ll need all the motivation I can get.

Thank you!

[slasherhaven]

What about billy, michael and Brahms (and whoever else you’d like to do) with an s/o that’s also a killer?

The Slashers with a S/O who is also a killer

Thomas Hewitt

Judging would be hypocritical but...really...you? Thomas can’t judge you for what you do, he done things just as bad. He just couldn’t believe that you had done these things but you have...he doesn’t know how to feel. But in the end, he loves you more than anything. If you can love him despite the things his family do, he can definitely love you even with this new information. You’re still you.

More willing to let you help. Now that he knows about all of this, he doesn’t feel the need to shelter you from the morbidity of the family as much (he is still very protective of you, though). If you want to help out with that side of the ‘chores’, then he is more likely to allow it. That doesn’t stop him from worrying though.

Michael Myers

Okay. Why does he not react to anything?! Okay, there is a chance he already knew. This man can be quite the stalker when he wants to be, so he might have already found out. Either way, he’s not going to judge you for this, I mean...look at him. However, the first time he found out, he was actually surprised, he’s just good at not showing it. But he is also curious.

He likes to work alone...but he can make an exception. Michael likes working alone, he doesn’t want to have somebody tag along. However, he is curious as to how you would behave, how the two of you would work together, he wanted to watch and have some of that curiosity satisfied. So, maybe the two of you team up for a night or two before going back to your individual work.

Jason Voorhees 

You? There’s no way. Jason doesn’t even believe it at first. You’re so sweet and gentle and kind, there’s no way you’re a killer...right? He just sees you as his sweet S/O, the only person who has shown him any love or kindness. So, you can understand why it’s difficult for him to picture.

Worries about you. Not in a hypocritical way, it’s just dangerous work. Jason worries about you enough even before this information so now that he knows you put yourself in dangerous situations purposely, he frets even more. If you start working with him on dealing with intruders at the camp, he will worry about you no matter how capable you prove yourself to be.

Brahms Heelshire 

Hypocritical little bastard. As if he has any room to judge you for what you do. You know his history, about the nannies that came before you and how he had to deal with them when they didn’t accept him. You knew all of that, he had opened up to you about it, that’s why you told him the truth as well. He just needs some time to process this and remember that you’re still you.

As long as you’re still caring for him. He decides that as long as nothing between you both changes, he’s fine with it. As along as you continue to love him and care for him, he doesn’t care about all of that.

Bo Sinclair 

Doesn’t believe you. Straight up laughs in your face, shaking his head at you. Yeah, that was a good joke. No matter what you say, he thinks you’re just messing with him. He doesn’t think you could do it, he’s underestimating you.

Well, fucking hell, okay then. That’s pretty much his response when you prove it to him. Either showing him evidence of past kills or just straight up killing somebody in front of him. You weren’t joking, he gets it...and is almost impressed. Well, looks like you’re going to be doing a lot more to pull your weight around here.

Vincent Sinclair

He...doesn’t like the idea. The thought of you killing somebody doesn’t sit right with him but he’s also aware that he has no room to judge. He doesn’t like the idea of you hurting somebody or of you accidently getting hurt in the process. He’s more worried about it all than anything else.

He comes around to it. He just needs some time to process and accept it. In the mean time, just remind him that it doesn’t change anything between the two of you. Continue to show him love and prove that you’re still who he thought you were, he’ll eventually relax about the whole thing. Just please don’t get hurt.

Lester Sinclair

Honestly, it makes him a little nervous. He knows that you’re not going to hurt him, it’s not that, he actually trusts you with his life. It’s a natural reaction to finding out your S/O is a killer, but he won’t judge. I mean, how can he. While he doesn’t usually play a direct part in the killings, both of his brothers are killers. So, he can’t be too put off by you being one too.

At least you’ll fit in here, eh? This newfound information actually makes him think that you’re less likely to leave Ambrose (and, in addition, him) because the things that happen in this town aren’t too difficult for you to accept and get used too. He worries less about you seeing the dark side of the town. He can see how this could be a positive thing in a strange way.

Bubba Sawyer

Confusion and disbelief. He just can’t believe the person he loves so much and who shows him so much tender affection could be a killer. But you tell him that you feel the same about him. He’s so sweet and kind but he’s killed people before. Well, maybe it’s not so bad then!

Well, he can’t judge! Killing is pretty normal to him and, while he doesn’t you to get hurt or put yourself in harms way, he can’t judge. This just means that you are like the rest of the family, so that’s fine! And now you can help them deal with intruders if you’d like, he’ll just be watching so that you don’t get hurt. He worries too much about you sometimes.

Billy Lenz

Is actually very torn about it. I mean, how are you supposed to react when you find out your S/O is a killer, especially when you’re one too. He’s not judgemental because he’s in the same boat as you, but he just struggles to process that you have done stuff like that when you’ve only ever been kind and accepting of him.

As long as you’re nice to him, he doesn’t care. If this changes nothing between you both, he accepts you for who you are because you’ve done the same for him. He also gets this feeling of relief because you must understand him. You wouldn’t judge him, you’d understand and still be there for him. And that’s all he wants from you.

Asa Emory (The Collector)

Does his research. As soon as he finds out, he wants to know everything. Whether you simply tell him everything, from your first kill to where you are today, or he has to do some extra research on your kills. He wants to know how you do it and why you do it. What can he say? It’s an interesting subject. Plus, it helps him better understand you and learn more about you.

Mutual curiosity. Just as he’s curious about your kills, you’re interested with his. If he hasn’t already taken you to the hotel, he will. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from each other, maybe even help each other out. Either way, this is certainly interesting to him.

Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull) 

Probably how you met. It’s likely that he caught wind of your kills and became interested. Of course, he had to investigate and learn more about this mysterious killer, only to find you. You’re just lucky that he developed an interest in you rather than wanting to eliminate any competition.

Partnering up. He just thought teaming up with you for a kill or two could be interesting, just a little bit of fun but the two of you enjoyed it more than either of you expected, so it became a regular thing. Eventually, it became official. You are quite the team...

Otis Driftwood

Tell him everything. He wants to know everything, every little detail. Just tell him everything. No details are too gory for him. In fact, he wants to know the gory details. He just wants to know it all and he will listen intently the whole time.

Otis likes having a partner more than he thought he would. When he found out that you’re a killer, the first thing he wanted to do was kill somebody with you. And he enjoys it even more than he thought it would. He likes terrorising people, whether it be on his own or with somebody else, but none of it compares to doing it with you. This is definitely going to become a regular thing. Side note: it shouldn’t be surprising that this all gets him going.

Baby Firefly

What a power couple! As soon as she finds out, all she wants to do is cause chaos with you and kill somebody with you. She truly believes that the two of you are unstoppable. And even if you’re not, the two of you are about to have a lot of fun together!

Just fucked up people doing fucked up shit. The two of you are definitely bad influences on each other. The fact that you kill anyone at all only encourages her to do it more because of how fun she finds doing it with you. And she just makes you all the more chaotic.

Yautja (Predator)

Not quick to judge at all. Killing is a perfectly normal thing in their culture, well maybe not just killing each other but hunting is normal and encouraged. So he’s accepting of it.

Teaches you their honour code. Honour is extremely important to the Yautja. If you’re killing innocent humans, that’s a problem. They aren’t worthy kills, they’re easy. Preferably you would aim higher, killing an opponent who is a challenge is worthy. Or you would kill people who ‘deserve’ it, that doesn’t exactly bring you honour if they were an easy target but you wouldn’t loose any either. He’ll pretty much train you if you’re okay with that.

[solomonish]

Demon Brothers Helping a Struggling MC

CW for: eating disorders (alluded to but not described - discussed in the disclaimer).

so, i want to first state that if anybody believes anything in this post is more harmful than helpful, please let me know and i will delete it. I know that for things that I deal with, fics like this are comforting, but seeing as I’ve never personally had an eating disorder or known someone with one, it’s entirely possible I missed the mark. additionally: here is a tumblr post with a variety of hotlines you can call if you need to. There are eating disorder specific hotlines for the US and UK listed, along with suicide helplines for countries around the world. if you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out and get help - especially from the professionals who know how to give the proper care. you are so worth it.

Lucifer

He keeps an eye on you, even when you don’t realize it, so he’s the first to notice that something is bothering you. Still, with how much time he spends working, it does take him a little longer than he’d like.

As solution-oriented as he is, he prefers to address you the moment he figures it out. His words are firm and straightforward - he’s not the one you want to go to if you need things put gently.

Pride is who he is, and he takes great pride in you - he makes sure to make this known. This knowledge does not make him any less proud of you, and he wants you to be able to see yourself the way he does - certainly then, you might have an easier time with the recovery process.

Even if Lucifer cannot be there directly by your side, he is always with you - in the reminders he sends you, in the rewards he promises when you make progress, in the efforts he makes to assist your transition into the Devildom. He’s the best at creating a stable environment so that you don’t have as much to focus on while he works with you to recover.

Mammon

Mammon is a hard on to hide anything from, if only because he’s around you so much. he also spends a lot of time staring after you wistfully but shhh don’t let him know you know

Still, he’s also a bit oblivious at times, so it might take him a while to notice anything is up. once he does realize that you’re struggling, he panics a bit.

Mammon brings it up himself, but only after a short while of acting antsy around you and staring more pointedly at you at random points throughout the day. he’s clumsy in his approach, but careful to be sensitive: he’s used to being told how often he messes things up, and this is one thing he WANTS to get right.

Mammon has a way of making you feel in control - with the way he allows you to tell him what you need, with the way he isn’t too pushy in helping you through rockier days of your recovery. He wants to be able to be YOUR man, your go-to guy for anything, and he’ll make absolutely sure to get it right.

Leviathan

Levi has a million things to distract himself from the world around him, so bringing him into reality can take a while.

However, he can also tell when somebody else is uncomfortable - whether it’s a facet of his pact or he’s just in tune with his best friend, he isn’t sure.

He’s the type to go to sites like reddit and ask for first-person experience advice. The clinical advice seems stuffy and he isn’t sure if he can be trusted with such formal advice.

His strong suit is distraction, so if you’re okay with it, that how he’ll help you. If anything in your recovery gets too much, he’s there to help shift your focus. He’s also good with helping you stick to some kind of schedule, if that helps you out. After all, he sticks to one religiously to catch all his shows - he’ll rearrange it for you if you need it.

Satan

Satan is perceptive, but he’s not immune to overthinking. The fact that you came to the Devildom, something to be wary of yet somehow becoming something so treasured so quickly, catches him off guard and he still has to reconcile his feelings with how he watches you.

When he does find out and realizes how long he’s gone without noticing, he’s angry with himself. He’s supposed to be the smart one, the perceptive one, and he missed something so important.

He’ll read up on everything he can in order to give you the best support. Satan will also up his attentiveness, making sure to notice any little thing you may need that you don’t want to tell him about.

Aside from maybe having to let him know to back off a bit, Satan will probably be the most likely to just intuitively know what you need. He still communicates everything with you, and he makes for good company, whatever type you may need.

Asmodeus

Asmo’s favorite things to take pictures of are as follows: himself, you, and the most aesthetically pleasing desserts he can find. When you start shying away from two of those, he wonders briefly what made you so camera shy but normally turns the camera on himself and shrugs it off. maybe you feel like you’re having a bad hair day?

Once it does dawns on him that perhaps it’s something more serious, he’ll immediately ask you how he can help. He’s holding you gently as he does, using his softest voice - he almost sounds timid, and maybe he has to be, to deal with the amount of love he’s feeling for you and only you.

You might have to tell him to ease up on the overt compliments about how you look or talking about buying clothes and “form fitting” shapes, and thought he’ll have a learning curve he’ll find lots of different ways to make sure you feel loved! He’ll take a page from your book and start complimenting things like how sweet you are, or how smart he thinks you are - things about the you inside of you that have his heart racing when you say them back.

Asmo knows a lot about the pressure to look a certain way, so even though he lives by feeding into what those people want, he’ll always back out if it gets too much for you. If it’s alright with you, you can always be his favorite photographer <3

Beelzebub

When he’s eating, he doesn’t always focus on what other people are eating. (honestly, it only makes him hungrier). However, when he offers some of his food to you - a move anybody will tell you is the most affectionate thing he can do - and you refuse, he starts to worry.

At first, he wonders if you’re upset with him - and once he finds out the real reason, he doesn’t feel much more satisfied.

Beel’s best effort is trying to structure mealtimes more so instead of gorging himself throughout the day he eats meals. He also never judges or comments on what you do or don’t eat - he just does his best to make sure you have any option you want.

Beel’s strongest suit is comfort - he’ll agree with anything you do want to eat and will get rid of anything you don’t without judgement. He’s also pretty good with knowing the nutritional value of food - if you’re interested, he’d be more than happy to help you plan meals that have what you want and what you need, without making it seem too daunting a task.

Belphegor

Belphegor doesn’t pick up on a lot of things because he’s asleep most of the day. He does, however, spend a lot of his conscious hours with you, and eventually (maybe with some innocent prompting from Beel) he’ll realize that you’re starting to behave differently.

Will straight up ask you about it until he knows you’re being completely honest with him. What he lacks in tact he makes up for in dedication - he wants to help you, and his apathetic front allows him to help without seeming too involved to the point it makes you uncomfortable.

Belphegor can help you feel a sense of normalcy if you ever get overwhelmed or disconnected. He can continue conversations about really anything and help give you a moment to recuperate and breathe.

That’s not to say he isn’t proactive in your recovery. Anything you tell him or anything he brings to the table to brainstorm, he’ll say at the end of the conversation “let me sleep on it” and when he wakes up again he’ll have several game plans ready to see which helps you most in your recovery.

All

if one of them catches wind, it’s only a matter of time until the others notice how something’s changed between you and that brother

all of them will advocate for you to have easier access to the human world for therapy (in their own ways, some more helpful than others), should you choose to go. if not, they’ll all do their best to be a comforting ear when you need one.

sometimes you can find them all in the library, not discussing what you’ve told them but trying to figure out how best to communicate how much they care. (it’s one of the few times you can see them actually working together)

whoever had grocery duty or dinner duty will often check in with you to see if you have any special requests. if you mention wanting a specific snack or something throughout the day, you might end up with seven packages of it within 24 hours. (they’re all trying).

little by little, you’ll also notice how they stop fighting as much at the table. meals become more fun and enjoyable affairs, even if there’s been a disagreement earlier in the day. the brothers are all on their best behavior, and lucifer doesn’t even make any comments wondering why they won’t act that way for diavolo.

[amyisherenowitsokay]

Zagr for the ship ask 😤😤😤 every single one bitch

I cannot believe you have bombarded me like this. Appalled. Insulted. Astounded.

Please enjoy my entire analysis of my fictional totally canonical ship.

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

Dib, but also school.

2. What was their first impression of each other?

I think they're both initially incredibly dismissive of one another. Zim thinks the entire fate of the Armada's reputation lying on his shoulders, and Gaz really has too many personal problems even as a kid to deal with; neglectful Dad, overprotective, stupid brother, etc.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Okay so hear me out; I think Skoodge and Professor Membrane would be so obnoxious in the best way. And Gir, whenever his attention span lets him remember long enough to scream about it. But I think Membrane would be chipper about Gaz finding someone, even long before she admits she's even interested, and Skoodge would want Zim to be happy and is unconditionally supportive, especially when Zim is mopey whenever his advances are rebuffed.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Honestly, I love a Zim simp, but I genuinely think it'd be Gaz. Zim is obviously a Defect capable of feeling a larger range of emotions than other Irkens, but he still didn't receive socialization that makes 'romantic rituals' in any way natural to him. So I think Gaz and him would buddy up platonically and casually, initially, until she realizes she likes his company a little too much and freaks out about it.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Gaz does, 100%, and she's way more stubborn about it then Zim. I think Zim's denial is just that he doesn't "get" romance (see above) and what's going on with him, but once he understands he's fully down to bombard Gaz with affection, flirtations, and other over-the-top simp behavior until she stops pretending she's not gritting her teeth while fighting a blush.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Zim doesn't know what a soul is, but he does begin to understand the concept that they can be taken from human's in bargains. He becomes distracted by the topic. Bringing it up again later would have him largely dismissive.

Gaz would roll her eyes, and be extremely bitter about the idea that there is anyone 'made' for her. She's very independent, and I think someone with the sort of familial issues she does with no role model for a 'happy' family would be really resistant to being bound to someone in a way that would entitle them to her vulnerabilities. She'd be extremely resentful, dismissive, and irritable.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Really unfulfilled, listless. Without that companionship, they would never develop into people capable of meaningful relationships. I think both of them are very independent. Zim may claim he likes an audience, but there's an undeniable anxiety that he gets when faced with judgement. If it's anything but unwaveringly positive, he becomes delusional and creates a fantasy world in which everyone loves him, and the situation was just an initial misinterpretation. Gaz would have good friends, I think, but accepting Zim and his oddities and realizing she genuinely relates to someone who knows everything about her (via her brother + proximity + time) and is still here would mean a lot to her development.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Zim, without a doubt. Gaz may like Zim first, but she's completely in denial about it and completely stubborn. Zim is oblivious, and also a big ass simp, so his persistence and patience eventually gets Gaz to let her guard down and accept that she has hormones, she has romantic inclinations, and apparently they've both decided Zim is it. Time to be a big girl and accept it.

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Honestly, I don't think they're the 'date' type of couple. I am probably 100% projecting since my boyfriend and I did not have an official 'date' until like 6 months into our first relationship, where we paused, turned to each other and were like 'wait is this our first date?' because we're homebodies whose idea of fun is projects. I think Zim and Gaz would hang out regularly, but it wouldn't ever be like a formal 'we are going to Bloaty's/the movies/etc as a date,' but rather 'I am going here and you are coming with me so I guess we are going together' thing. Zim doesn't get the point of a date, because if a date is by definition doing an activity together, then aren't they perpetually on a date? And Gaz isn't really a 'let's go to dinner formally' kind of person. They hang out, they go places, but it's never really a 'thing.'

3. What was their first kiss like?

I firmly believes Gaz would have to walk Zim through every aspect of physical affectionate. Zim is really wary about it, but I do think there's an instinct towards good ol' copulation, as well as a longing for positive touch after so long getting his ass whooped in the Academy, that would make him frustrated trying to figure out what this desire is. I think their first kiss is Gaz explaining to Zim, after he asks her outright what else there is after tame stuff like cuddling and hand holding, and Gaz walks him through the concept, implications, and so on until he feels ready to bravely and firmly try it.

While that does sound pretty clinical, I think actually it'd be really emotional for both of them. Zim would be really overwhelmed by how much passion is in a kiss, and Gaz would be similarly overwhelmed since, going into the relationship, she probably never anticipated Zim being interested in anything sexual, so any physical affection he expresses interest in is a surprise to her.

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

I think Gaz probably would try out a few brief relationships, but never anything substantial or dramatic. Zim's never been in a relationship, so Gaz is his first everything. I do think they'd be each other's first sexual relationship, but I think Gaz would have most of her more minimal firsts with other people prior to Zim.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Zim older. I normally write Zim as the same height as Gaz, or only a little taller. Neither of them are tall. I do respect you 'short king' stans though.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Dib hates Zim, firmly and completely, at the beginning of their relationship. It takes a lot of self-reflection, meaningful sibling discussions, and probably a few screaming matches that eventually get to the real root of the issue (Dib's ingrained fear that something would happen to Gaz, and that it'd his fault) before he came around. Zim is a big petty bitch and would gleefully antagonize him. They would never stop sniping at each other, but they'd begrudgingly (sort of) behave for Gaz. They would eventually become frenemies and bros, but they'd die and also kill each other before admitting any sort of cordiality.

Professor Membrane adores Zim, and treats him like the son he never had/always wanted, the one who wants to have long discussions about science and can keep up with the theoreticals. Gaz hates it.

The Base and Gaz are cool. They have an understanding borne from two sentient creatures who have found themselves in the position of trying to keep Zim from killing himself, killing other people, or from coming to (too much) harm. Gaz initially hates Gir, but eventually she figures out how to get him to chill out when it's important. Minimoose and her are also cool, but he creeps Gaz out a little.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Zim thinks he does, but it's really just Gaz slapping her hand over his mouth before he can say something stupid, or translating whatever nonsense just came out of his mouth when he's done talking.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Zim. Not even a question.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

Zim. Also not even a question.

LOVE

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Gaz. Zim doesn't know what it means until she explains it. It takes him awhile to internalize it and reciprocate verbally, but Gaz is okay with that. He shows her how much he cares in other ways.

2. What are their primary love languages?

Without a doubt, Zim's is touch. Once he gets used to it, he's really greedy and possessive about proximity. Just having Gaz bump his arm is sometimes enough to set the worst of his nerves at ease.

Gaz's is acts of service. She's fine with Zim being physically clingy, but it means a lot to her how unflinching he is about protecting her, anticipating her needs, and remembering things.

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Zim. Gaz hates them, but she tolerates it. Sometimes.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

Cuddling is very frequent. Zim will just sort of shift in behind Gaz if she's playing a game and cling, and she'll just keep doing what she's doing until she's eventually done and reciprocates. Explicit PDA never happens, but Zim is very clingy and physically will plant himself between Gaz and people who he's distrustful towards.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Gaz. I think Zim would cling to her like a barnacle at every opportunity, but Zim would likely usually defer to Gaz for escalating intimacy.

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?

Zim big spoon. PAK too uncomfortable to let him be the little spoon.

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

I think just being around each other while they do projects, game, etc. would be their favorite thing to do. Sharing in hobbies without feeling pressured to be entertaining, but still feeling like their presence is valued and wanted by the other.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Being a people, and having more emotional competency, Gaz is better. Zim does his best though.

9. Who’s more protective?

Zim, if we're talking about quantity. Gaz, however, if we're talking about quality. Zim screams at chihuahuas for looking at Gaz, and also does protect her from genuine threats, but he overreacts frequently. Gaz, however, would know when Zim's out of his depth and would break the spine of anything that's a threat to him.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical, for both. Neither of them is really used to verbal affection, whether it be giving or receiving. It's a lot more natural to be demonstrative.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

Me, cackling as I copy and paste this link that I imagine is from their mutual perspectives:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4nlT0Ch4qpqoS8O1RsdzjH?si=d6d8e1e19a7d4dc7

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

There's lots, and I'm sure most of them are inside jokes, but the tops are Zimmothy + Little Gaz.

13. Who remembers the little things?

It's hard to say. Zim would retain an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Gaz, and tries to spoil her and accommodate her at every opportunity, but Gaz never forgets to pack an extra umbrella and a raincoat.

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Zim.

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

No one but their mutual 'families.' A very small, intimate ceremony. The reception though is massive, courtesy of Professor Membrane who has no idea how to separate his personal life with his public one.

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

0 kiddos. Cannot product viable, compatible DNA to produce a spawn.

4. Do they have any pets?

Does Gir count?

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

If Gir is the child, Zim. Gaz will let him get away with murder, both because she can't be bothered to control him, and also because she thinks it's funny how mad Zim gets when she lets him go wild.

6. Who worries the most?

Between Gaz "apathetic is my middle name" Membrane and Invader "I have perpetual anxiety" Zim? No idea.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Gir. He eats them long before anyone can find them. But both Gaz and Zim will point out any he misses.

8. How do they celebrate holidays?

Zim fucking hates Christmas, so him and Membrane get down in a bunker for it while Dib and Gaz spend some sibling time somewhere, drinking cocoa and video chatting with the respective morons. Other holidays, they basically go wherever Professor Membrane is in the world with Dib to have a 'family' holiday.

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Zim doesn't sleep, but he likes the resting and the peacefulness of getting to curl around Gaz in her sleep without her leaving. So him by default.

10. Who’s the better cook?

Zim has a 'kiss the chef' apron and everything.

11. Who likes to dance?

Neither of them, but Zim does 'victory dances' compulsively.

[vampiric-daydreams]

Inkling

Jasper x Reader

This is Part 2 of the Jasper miniseries. Here is Part 1.

Summary: After the negative events of the last few weeks, Alice offers an explanation that just doesn’t seem to add up. You believe there is more to the mysterious family that meets the eye.

Word Count: 2,540

Tags: @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @eggmettcullen @scuzmunkie @xcharlottemikaelsonx @oi-itsemily @cacti-succulents-andlesbians @aw0kenangel

A/N: There’s less Jasper in this chapter because a few things needed to happen in this part to keep the ball rolling. As the series progresses, the prerogatives of the Cullens will make more sense.

*

The buzzing chatter surrounding you broke the silence as you sat alone in a local café. It had been raining all day, and the people of Forks sought the solace of a sweet hot chocolate. You shifted in discomfort. Your socks were moist with dirty water you’d collected from splashing through a large puddle on your way in; and the pouring rain made your sleeves cling to your arms. You sat shivering at a corner table, goose bumps scattered across your exposed skin. The welcoming scent of coffee beans comforted you as you waited for your own hot drink to arrive.

A glare from a boy studying on the table beside you caused you to stop fidgeting with the sugar stick between your fingers. “Can you stop tapping?” he asked.

“Sorry,” you mumbled. You put the stick of sugar back in its place and took a deep, steady breath. You rarely met strangers, but lately you’ve been in a weird head space. An anonymous note in your locker had brought you here, requesting a meeting.

“Here you go,” the waitress said as she placed your scalding drink in front of you, the steam swirling from its surface. “And sorry for the wait. It’s always crazy here on these stormy days.”

“Thank you.” You weren’t in the mood for small talk right now. On top of this mystery meeting, you had gotten nowhere with the Cullen stuff. Everything had gone back to normal at school. No glares. No staring. No interacting of any kind. So, when Alice Cullen herself strutted through the door and straight towards you, the shock nearly knocked you over.

Her heeled boots clicked on the wooden floor. Stylishly dressed in an all-black ensemble with a trendy overcoat and a navy-blue scarf; her designer bag hung lavishly from the back of her chair as she slid into her place across from you. She smiled. “Thank you for coming, (Y/N).”

“What- seriously?” It came out louder than you intended, and the boy at the neighbouring table glared at you a second time. You whispered harshly, “I thought you guys were happy pretending I didn’t exist. Or do you have a new assumption to harass me about?”

Alice’s perfectly arched eyebrows formed a frown. “Actually, I came to apologise for our behaviour. Can I buy you a toasted sandwich or something?”

You scoffed. “A toasted sandwich won’t change my mind. What the hell was all of that? Actually, no. Never mind. I’ve been banned from talking to any of you, so I should leave.” Without letting it cool, you sculled your drink. The heat burned your throat as you tried not to wince. You couldn’t make a fool of yourself in front of a Cullen. Not again. You grabbed your phone and your keys and pushed your chair back.

“(Y/N), please. You deserve an explanation for everything.”

“Damn right I do!”

“Please sit and give me a chance to give you that. You’re welcome to leave, but please at least let me start?”

You plopped back down in your chair like a grumpy child and slouched. “Fine. Start.”

“Jasper was the first to notice. He noticed not long after the school year had started, but he mentioned nothing to us. Not that he needed to, he had no intentions - no offence.” You rolled your eyes. She swallowed. “But when Edward saw the way you looked at Jasper, he put it together. He’s gifted at reading people, and he felt you were getting too attached–”

“That was no-one’s assessment to make.” Your tongue still burned from your drink.

Alice nodded. “You’re right. It wasn’t. But Edward sees things in people… Often his own opinions and ideals surrounding certain topics will cloud his judgement. He mentioned his interpretation to Emmett in passing, who repeated it to Rosalie with different details. By the time I’d heard any of it, it sounded like you were plotting to separate us, which was why I was upset. I’m sorry, (Y/N). If I had known you had no intentions of actually breaking us up, I would have made them stop. No, I should have made them stop regardless of what I thought. Being a family for so long, we’re protective of each other. But I shouldn’t have let it reach the point that it did.”

The sugar stick once again found its way to your fingers as you stared at the girl in front of you. “Why are you telling me this?” It just didn’t sound right, despite Alice’s insistence. 

“Because I’ve seen how hurt you were by it, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself or believe you’re not worthy of receiving love. We behaved like a bunch of callous bullies. We’re sorry and so is Jasper.” A hard prick stabbed at your chest.

“It’s whatever. There isn’t anything we can do about it now. What’s done is done, right?”

“Jasper wanted to come and apologise to you in person, but he was afraid. He’s quite empathetic, which is why he couldn’t bear to talk to you yet. Even Edward-”

Edward. “He was right, in a way. While I had no intention to do something that would hurt you or make Jasper leave you, I certainly thought about what it would be like if he was mine. It just seems like a big jump to make.” Alice’s brown eyes twitched as they widened. “He assumed I thought about something and then launched into action against me–and you say he’s good at reading people? It just all seems a little weird.”

“Yes, our parents had a word with Edward about jumping to conclusions like that. He just didn’t want to see me get hurt. Jasper in particular feels terrible about how he handled everything.” You feigned interest as she tried to deflect your attention with Jasper’s name. “He thought reminding you of his love for me would make you change your mind about him, and when that didn’t work his first instinct was to shut you out. This should be coming from him, not me, but please understand that he regrets how his behaviour translated. And (Y/N), we all want to apologise to you. You’re allowed to talk to us, you know. We don’t bite. And the others are too ashamed to speak to you themselves without being approached first. Will you give us a chance to make it right?”

If you were ever getting a shot at finding out what they were hiding, this was it. 

You smiled sweetly, “I’d prefer it much better if we did that.”

Alice returned your smile, her kohl-lined eyes lighting up. “Remember, there’s no rush. After what happened, you don’t owe us anything. Take as long as you need.”

You nodded your head. “I will.”

 *

 For the first time in weeks, you arrived at school with a smile and something to look forward to. From the moment you entered the campus, you took the precaution to not actively think about your intention to dig deeper. It still seemed ridiculous, and you were sure you’d be cringing at yourself later on–but the circumstances were just too weird to you.

You spent the better half of the morning surrounded by your friend group, not ready to branch out and find the Cullens just yet. If they were as sorry as Alice had made them sound, they could stew in it for a while longer. You had already planned which order you intended to approach them in, too. Emmett would be first, as he seemed the least threatening. Next was Rosalie, and lastly Edward, who was the root cause of all of this.

You weren’t ready to go anywhere near Jasper.

The bell rang, and your group said their goodbyes as they went to their lockers. You fumbled with the combination lock on yours and gritted your teeth when it wouldn’t open. “Pretty sure the code hasn’t changed since yesterday,” a deep voice sounded from your right. Emmett. This was wrong; it was supposed to be you approaching them.

“Well I’ve had a rough few weeks.” You shot back. His wide smile faltered for a moment before shrinking away.

“I’m sorry about my contribution to that.” He spoke softer than usual. His eyes were the same warm gold as Jasper’s. Were they biologically related? Wait. No thoughts on campus.

“Yeah, the entire thing really sucked for me.”

“I didn’t want you to feel the way you did. I knew it wasn’t right. That excuses nothing, but I don’t want any bad blood between us. I’m really not that kind of guy.” His expression seemed genuine.

“You could have fooled me.” It came out before you could stop it. “Wait, no. Emmett I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair-”

“No, I get it.”

“No, you don’t. You did nothing. You didn’t even glare. I can’t be this mad at you.”

“I did nothing. That’s the problem. I let it blow out of proportion and by the time it got there, I couldn’t reign it back in. Alice gave you an idea of what happened, right? If I had kept my mouth shut after speaking with Edward, none of this would have happened.”

“If you had relayed the correct details and factored in Edward’s theatrics, none of this would have happened.” Rosalie appeared what seemed like out of thin air. You were sure you hadn’t seen her hovering nearby. Her warm brown eyes met your nervous gaze. You hadn’t been ready for any Cullens yet. “I’m sorry, too. You did nothing to warrant that reaction from us. I’m sorry for allowing myself to jump to those sorts of conclusions before you had even decided anything.”

If you had blinked, you would have missed Emmett nudging Rosalie with his elbow. No thoughts on campus. At least one storm was ending. Rosalie’s welcoming smile was not a sight you’d ever thought you’d see; and it was a clear sign that the discomfort would be over soon. But there were things - subtle things that didn’t always add up.

“I guess we’re cool then,” you said. You looked up at the couple properly. Although they didn’t compare to Jasper, they were both so attractive it was frustrating. It was the first time you’d seen them up close. Rosalie had the healthiest-looking flaxen hair you’d ever seen; and they both had such amazing skin. Neither of them had a single blemish to show. In fact, you recalled that Alice had pretty flawless skin as well—and Jasper’s complexion always looked so perfect. It was as if it blessed their entire family—which was even stranger because… Stop, just in case.

They were both smiling. Emmett reached out his hand for you to shake. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

“Thank you for letting us apologise,” said Rosalie, as the last bell rang and the hallway emptied. It wasn’t like they’d given you much of a choice.

 *

 Jasper had done nothing specifically to attract your attention. All he did was stroll over to his locker. But even just walking, the way he carried himself, how almost seemed to glide, never failed to knock the wind out of you. You caught his attention though, by staring, and he immediately looked at you. His bored expression suddenly drenched in regret. The negative feelings from the last few weeks consumed you; the humiliation, how repulsive you felt you were to him. There was an empty feeling in your chest, and as his apologetic amber eyes beckoned you over to him. Your legs moved before you could stop them.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk yet,” Jasper pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket. “But if you change your mind, call me?”

You clenched the paper tightly as it transferred from his fingers to yours, and your heart fluttered. Your mind went blank as you tried to respond. Open-mouthed and wide-eyed, you resembled a fish. Quickly, you turned away from him and walked back in the direction you came from. Your cheeks were burning as you continued to walk; thankful as you rounded the corner for not stumbling, but less enthused to see another Cullen in front of you. Alice. Again.

You knew it would continue to hurt you if you compared yourself to her; but she just looked so damn good all the time. If any of the Cullens were devastatingly beautiful, it was Alice - with emphasis on ‘devastating’. And the worst part of it was how nice she was trying to be to you. It was easier to soldier on when you could pretend she didn’t exist.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” She smiled kindly, eyebrows raised. You looked at her forehead, her skin didn’t wrinkle. It never did. She must have had some work done.

“S-Sorry, Alice,” you stammered, “I’m in a hurry.”

You picked up pace and rushed by her, taking refuge in the bathroom. She didn’t follow. You let out a sigh. You had come close to thinking again. You still scoffed at the idea that they could read minds or something, but you continued to guard your thoughts, anyway; and when you saw Alice’s eyes, one nearly slipped out. They were definitely much lighter yesterday, like chocolate - you were sure of it. Just then, they looked almost black.

It was driving you crazy. Tears began forming, but you refused to let them fall. Not over this. Not over something you were imagining. Jasper’s eyes flashed in your mind. That rich golden colour… When you’d first started liking him, you recalled Googling if his eyes were even possible and learning they were, but that they were rare; and for Emmett to share them as well was strange.

You bolted out of the bathroom and grabbed a random student passing by. She jolted from the shock of it. “Which of the Cullens are biologically related?” You sounded so aggressive, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

She chewed her bubble gum a few times and gave you a dumbfounded look before frowning at you. “Jasper and Rosalie Hale, obviously. What the hell is wrong with you?” She jerked her arm out of your grasp and shot daggers at you.

Unrelated, both with a scarce eye-colour. They seem to know what you’re thinking. They all look the same; pallid and tired-looking, yet alluring. You couldn’t stop yourself from going over the details.

You sprinted out into the parking lot, nearly knocking a guy down the stairs on your way. Before you could restrain yourself, you’d pulled a pen and a notebook out from your backpack and your hand began writing.

Wednesday. Alice, brown. 

Thursday. Alice, black. Rosalie, brown. Emmett, gold. Jasper, gold. 

[things-that-make-me-slytherin]

Non-Typical Slytherins

So I was taking a break from study, going through my inbox to see if I had already answered anything sitting there and I saw quite a few asks/submissions where my lovely little snakes are doubting themselves as Slytherins bc of their personality, star sign, patronuses, MBTI type, Ilvermorny house etc

The stereotypical Slytherins, the images that pop into peoples heads when they think of what a Slytherin is, is actually the minority of Slytherins in my opinion.

Take me for example, I am a Slytherin, Pisces, Pukwudgie, have a very strong sense of justice, morals, ethics. I am very caring, my jobs have usually been centred around helping people. In my pharmacy retail jobs my goal was to help people, when they came in complaining of stress related symptoms I would talk to them about fixing/managing their symptoms such as stress levels, acne/skin problems, trouble sleeping, self care - attacking the root of the problem while dealing with the symptoms. As a legal assistant I was driven by wanting to help people out with something that is usually extremely stressful and something out of their field of knowledge. Lawyers have a saying that we aren’t just our clients legal advocate, but their therapist and support person all at once.

On the other hand I am also very judgemental (I’m working on it), sassy, bitchy can be an asshole. It’s kind of like saying you can only like one fashion style or one type of cuisine. Very rarely do people fit into neat little boxes.

BUT NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE OR ARE NOT, so kindly tell them to go sit on a cactus.

People seem to forget that we aren’t necessarily what our house values are, that’s more Ilvermorny. We are sorted into our houses based primarily off what we value or aspire to be, that doesn’t mean that we automatically are those traits. It also doesn’t mean that we are all of our house traits. Because Crabbe and Goyle never came across as ambitious or cunning. 

Furthermore, these traits and values aren’t going to come across in the same way. Let’s take two non Slytherins in the HP world for example; my lovely Newt Scamander and Jacob Kowalski. Jacob’s ambition is to open up a bakery, Newt’s ambition is to save and care for magical creatures. They are completely different, someone’s greatest ambition could be to start a family, or graduate from school whereas another’s greatest ambition could be to get into politics, or medicine to develop a cure for some disease. Looking at these ambitions, you automatically place them along a scale at different places. But they are all ambitions.

For example, we can admire fraternity and traditionalism but these values don’t always mesh with others such as self-preservation or ambition.

What we value does however play a role in determining how we behave and make choices.

Most overlook that all of the Hogwarts houses are loyal, it just presents in different ways:

Gryffindors: loyal to house and ideals and morals

Ravenclaws: loyal to their passions, facts and hubris

Hufflepuffs: loyal to those they choose, loyal to their morals and ethics

Slytherins: loyal to their house and family, chosen or birth, loyal to themselves

Slytherins aren’t all massive assholes/bitches, moody and snarky and sassy. Just like Hufflepuffs aren’t all innocent little cinnamon rolls and can be just as snarky, moody and bitchy as anyone. Zacharias Smith anyone??? Gryffindors are not always chivalrous, brave and righteous - Peter Pettigrew. Ravenclaws aren’t all uptight swots who only care about knowledge or adhering to one school of thought, Luna Lovegood.

Slytherins have their own morals, ethic codes. We actually have a strong sense of fairness and sense of honour. It just may not marry up with other peoples, which is normal as a human being. We also tend to have the ability to set aside our own beliefs if it is in the way of what is right or needs to be done.

A lot of people tend to forget that others are just as complex and multi-faceted as they themselves are, which means that they tend to say “thats not right they dont go together” when they come across something that doesn't fit their own perception, which unless has been given thought is usually very shallow and takes in popular opinion and stereotypes.

They also forget that JK Rowling has her own biases which show in her writing. They also forget that it didn’t suit her story to show depth and diversity in the four houses. The stereotypes are a literary device.

So please be your unique selfs, fuck what others say and what the stereotypes are. You don’t have to act like others who fall under some same “label” as you, you were sorted into whichever house for a reason. Be a pastel loving, soft little cinnamon roll Slytherin or a badass bad bitch or whatever you choose to be. It doesn’t make you any more or any less of a Slytherin (Or Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor or what have you.)

You are wonderful as you are, there is no other who can be who you are ad life would be incredibly boring if we were all the same.

[snapeaddict]

YMMV but Lily was a stand in for Rowling. It's why the relationship with James is uncomfortable to read.

(I hope I guessed the meaning of stand in well because I am not totally sure)

In reference to this post about Gryffindor's (and JKR's) belief in their moral superiority.

Ah, yes op. I do think JKR wrote Lily as this, in her eyes, symbol of perfection for Harry, this symbol of goodness and kindness. I'm sure she saw her behaviour toward Severus as completely okay and positive, I'm sure she never questioned her writing of this apparently flawless character even during The Prince's Tale. But the fact she wrote Lily as flawless (more of a symbol than a character, honestly) doesn't mean she is actually flawless and we now know how problematic JKR's work can be.

I think, and this is a personal opinion, that JKR wrote Lily according to her standards of what a good person is like. Standards she also applies to herself, because she, as an author, and Lily, as her stand in character, have many similarities in the way they view the world and behave toward others. I am of course not comparing a real person and fictional character, but trying to show how one can influence the writing of a character - and what this person thinks of this character, which can be reflected through the narrative and main character's POV. Then, by extension, all of this strongly influences our own views on the character as readers, especially when reading the books for the first time. Some things that are disturbing to us and not understood by Rowling:

Strong belief in your own moral integrity: JKR seems to use her books as a weapon against those who point out her narrow-mindness, constantly reminding us she wrote them as a message of love and acceptance, "including" diversity in her world. She never questions her own behavior. She wrote Lily as morally flawless also because she is a Gryffindor and muggle-born: Lily, if you follow her narrative, is in her right to condemn and be critical of Severus' friends and choices, and to highlight her Gryffindor classmates moral superiority (ie they don't use dark magic) to justify the fact she grants herself the right to judge her friend and condemn his friends without addressing bullying. Because she knows better, and is moraly superior. Just as the narrative never really adressed the fact bullying by Gryffondors on a Slytherin isn't justified because they are "on the good side". JKR considers herself to be part of the Good People™, for many reasons, thus doesn't see any problem is writing blog posts explaining to some people why they are a threat to her own feminist fight or how they should behave. Of course I make NO comparison between her transphobia and a fictional character's behaviour; I'm just trying to show there is a similar pattern of behaviour which is, if I have to sum it up: I have moral integrity because [...] ➡️ So this moral superiority cannot be questioned ➡️ So this gives me the right to judge you/tell you how to behave without sweeping my own backyard.

Quick to condemn, unable to understand: This moral superiority (let's face it, Gryffindor are always portrayed as moraly superior in the books which nearly always justifies for discrimination against Slytherin) JKR thinks she has for reasons said above has for consequence the fact she gives herself the right to point out people's supposed flaws and "dangerous" behaviour without ever giving them time to explain, or listening to them. She sees what she wants to see, and so does Lily as she wrote her: the narrative makes of the fact she never gives Snape the opportunity to explain himself a normal thing, because we already know he is in the wrong; she already knows it and decided it, so why would she even ask?

Belief in your own right to judge and change people: for all the reasons I wrote above. You can question behaviours, you can point out flaws and issues: but you, as a person, cannot grand yourself the right to say "I know better than you do because this, this and this, so please change for me or I'll stop being kind to you." To JKR, this is perfectly acceptable behaviour (for example, "she knows and love trans people" but to the condition they remain silent and do not threaten her fragile views on feminism. If they do, she'll consider them a threat.) She writes Lily with a similar kind of behaviour regarding Slytherins: "without trying to understand who you are and why you are the person I see standing in front of me, without educating myself on your motives or asking for you pov, I ask you to change to match my own standards, no matter what it costs you."

Use of minorities, etc to serve personal aims and display your moral integrity: We have a whole history of JKR using sexual orientations or racial minorities to promote her work's open-mindness without ever giving them a voice or listening to them, trying to understand them. She writes Lily as a character who has such a good heart she is friends with Slytherin, dark arts affiliated Severus Snape and who knows it: "My friends (moraly superior Gryffindors) don't even know why I still hang out with you". ie "you should be grateful and their opinions have more values than yours to me." She points out her own benevolence at still accepting Severus as a friend, but never tries to understand Severus' own bravery and struggle at still being friend with her while having to survive in Slytherin house as a half blood (which was obviously more difficult). While reading this particular extract from the text, I cannot unsee the fact she (or JK) seems to think she does Severus a favor for being his friend (in context it's perhaps understandable), but it's very telling JKR would write this - we get the message as readers. The conclusion being, Lily had to be this moraly perfect girl as she had a Slytherin friend. I cannot say it's not implied by the narrative or it's not what JKR thought (she has lesbian and trans friends, so what she says cannot be discriminating/are justified by her supposed openness). Another disturbing and wrong way of thinking.

Belief that your belonging to one oppressed minority prevents you from oppressing others: JKR uses her identity as a woman in a patriarcal society, her statues as a woman who suffered from this patriarchy, to justify her transphobia and point out the fact she, as part of a group which is oppressed, do not oppress others (her blog post on "Why I'm not transphobic" is very telling). My feelings when I read Lily's character (but this may be interpretations from my part) is that her statues as muggle-born also automatically grants her moral integrity or at least a moral compass (narrative-wise) to be judgemental over Severus' relations and to decide whether or not the Marauder's actions toward him were serious: there is a kind of disturbing hierarchy that is created with Slytherin using dark arts and having prejudices against muggle borns (according to her) vs the Marauders and their pranks (not serious at all especially in comparison for her, and anyways they are Gryffindors). As if the fact she is the victim of oppressors means she doesn't have responsibilities or all she does is somehow justified or cannot mean ill (for example, turning her back on Severus while he is being sexually assaulted after he insulted her. She had a duty to perform as a prefect, which she wasn't even doing well before he said anything). The problem isn't her, she has reasons to act the way she does and flaws like all human beings. The problem is that the narrative (thus JKR) sides with her and never have us readers question her behaviour as well. It matches her inner belief that some people's moral integrity cannot be questioned for certain reasons. We are never offered another pov, we are never shown another perspective (of course Lily as a character isn't the one supposed to be this meta): for example, we could have been shown how easy it is to fall into radicalisation especially when you're an abused and neglected child from a poor social background and a minority. (Again I'm not saying it was up to Lily as a character to understand this. She had no obligation toward Severus and isn't all mighty and a Saint. The "problem" is that the narrative is trying to portray her as such because the author truly believes this is how a good person behaves and should be looked at.)

All of this of course being unconsciously accepted, but never put in question. Lily's behavior being of course viewed more positively because no matter how flawed it was, it served honorable aims: fighting against the disgusting blood purity ideology. Her values are honorable. So to me, of course JKR was convinced of Lily's human perfection and inherent goodness because I think she wrote her according to her own views and beliefs on the matter. Which is why, if we grant importance to the narrative, her marrying someone as crual as James Potter is disturbing according of what is said of her:

"Not only was she a singularly gifted witch, she was also an uncommonly kind woman. She had a way of seeing the beauty in others even, and perhaps most especially, when that person couldn't see it in themselves."

But, when you take a step back, you realise that her marriage with James is a consequence of JKR's internalised sexism, as she heavenly implied macho and possessive behaviour such as displayed by James were attractive to girls in the end, and, if you take another step back, you realize JK never understood the seriousness of the bullying she wrote so it didn't look so appealing to her that Lily would date James as it is to us.

Then, if we really think of the characters themselves and not JKR's intentions, I think James and Lily were a good match for various reasons, not all negative.

I'm afraid this is a little clumsy and I just really want to say, I'm not blaming Lily for her behavior even if we must acknowledge the fact she wasn't a very good friend and was very far from being perfect; I'm not making a comparison between real life issues and fictional ones, or between author and fictional character: I'm trying to show why Lily appeared as such a model of goodness into JKR's eyes, which shines through the way she tells the story, because she was written according to the writer's standards - some standards and positions we cry about every day when we open twitter. It's not really about her transphobia or use of minorities, but the reasons why she thinks she has a right to give judgemental opinions and ask people to change, her own system of thinking. Her - phobia are a consequence of this but I have to talk about them to show how it seems to me JKR thinks of herself and of others.

This is not anti Lily Potter, she still was a good person and lived in a particular context which also explains certain aspects of her behavior; this has nothing to do with making Snape look better or finding him excuses.

It has everything to do with the way the author viewed her characters and certainly failed to understand the seriousness and complexity of all subjects she chose to address. With the way she sees things and how her characters behave sometimes accordingly.

(Like, for example, not making any comparison, I'm sure she really thought it was positive when she created the house elves, slaves that are happy to be slaves and making fun of those who are disturbed by their conditions and having the only free elf die; I'm sure she thought the message was good when it clearly reeks of colonialist fantasy, thus her own opinions and views as a white British in the 90s [not generalising this to anyone else!], certainly internalised.)

PLEASE MAKE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "SHE WRITES LILY THIS WAY" AND JUST "LILY".

[jojo-reader-hell]

May I ask for headcanons of Abbacchio as a father?

Yes you can! Good daddy! Good papa! The best papa ever I just wanna kiss him!

The only way he’d consent to having a baby would be if he’s in a good place mentally, perhaps if you both talked about it and how he felt, as well as discussing the very real possibility that your birth control methods might fail and you both have to make a decision.

As much as he hates himself, I feel like the initial fear would make him cry out “abortion!”, but if you really sat him down and talked to him about it, he would tell you he’s really just frightened about the prospect of being a failure of a father. He doesn’t want to fuck up a kid, not when he’s a mean crusty son of a bitch who has zero tolerance and zero patience to deal with a kid.

Just because you heard him out, and you involved him in the decision in the first place, he comes to the conclusion that he would love nothing more than to be a father. You tell him that no matter what he decides should the time come, you have confidence in him as a person and as a good human being who cares so deeply they don’t just rush an important decision. So if it does happen, he will be ready to follow whatever you decide since it is your body. It takes him a while to get to that point, but it’s a healing process he can begin when you both have that conversation.

If you end up pregnant he is very supportive the entire pregnancy. Abbacchio will bite back his tongue to avoid upsetting you if you’re having mood swings because you don’t feel good. If you’re hungry for something specifically tasty, he’ll get it for you. If you need some help getting into a good point in your health because the doctor had some concerns Abbacchio will be there to help you. Completely zero judgement and only love.

Sometimes he’ll have to walk away from an argument, and when he’s had a minute he’ll be there again to coddle you. Just give him space and he will be ok.

When the baby comes, it’s like a whole new person took over your lover. He becomes so gentle, a soft boy, your baby’s cheeks always covered in purple lipstick and the baby is always attached to Daddy’s black papoose whenever you all go out to do anything on the streets of Napoli.

Don’t you dare baby talk to the kid. Abbacchio hates it because he feels like you’re dehuminizing the baby. He’ll scream at anyone that doesn’t just talk to the kid like it’s a normal human being.

So instead of cutesy ness you’ll hear things like: “Hey, I know it’s your thing to shit your pants but can we not do it when Daddy’s trying to buy a gelato?”

“Why are you looking at me like I’m some scummy fuck? You just ate a whole bowl of banana pieces yesterday for breakfast!”

“Will you look the other way when you’re eating??”

“Why are you bothering the baby now Abbacchio?”

“I just think it’s weird when the kid looks right at me while she’s sucking on your tits. Stop being distracted and eat your lunch baby girl!”

*inarticulate gurgling*

Unfortunately your kid is going to grow up with a colorful vocabulary because he doesn’t like to censor himself.

You can’t get that kid to say please or thank you without a bribe, but let Abbacchio say “ass faced motherfucker” one time...

You might have to call in for reinforcements. Suddenly here comes Bruno in an apron kicking down the door and confiscating that poor baby for the weekend. When he brings her back, she’ll be slightly more behaved.

Slightly.

[weepingvoidpenguin]

Misconception

Summary: After Elijah harshly cuts you out of his life, you’ve learned to move on from a love that once was. Or was it? The love lingers there but when Elijah returns he’s met with an unexpected surprise and you have to decide whether you want to forgive him or finally let him go.

Warnings: Angst, or at least my attempt at it

Word Count: 2k

Author’s Note: Hey guys! I’m sorry I haven’t posted so long! I just started the school semester and I’m working part time so I rarely have free time but I don’t want to leave anyone wondering. For those of you who are following me for The Gods’ Blessing story, don’t worry it hasn’t been discontinued. Again, just busy. Sorry! I hope you enjoy!

  “There’s nothing about this conversation that can be serious,” you said, standing up from the armchair and gliding your way over to the container of bourbon on the platter.

  There was a pause, a hesitance in Elijah’s tone that sprouted just a hint of fear in your heart but you pushed the negativity aside and poured the liquid into a glass. The trickle of the alcohol was the only sound that could be heard in the room, you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding your breath in hold of his response.

  “(Y/N) . . . please.” You twirled around and raised an eyebrow at him over the brim of the cup as you sipped from it, “Let’s not make this harder than it already is,”

  You watched how his eyes never met yours, how his throat strained at the guilt mingling in his voice and how he looked down at his phone expectantly, his gaze roaming back and forth from the floor to his screen.

  “Who are you waiting for?” You twirled the liquid around in the glass, your elbow rested on the hand wrapped around your own waist.

  For the first time since the beginning of the conversation, Elijah looked up at you and there was an honesty, a hidden pain behind his gaze that triggered the reality of his words in your soul. You exhaled the little breath you withheld and a tight knot formed in the pit of your throat. He wasn’t kidding. You fought the sudden overpowering ache in your chest and forced yourself to blink away the tears threatening to spill over despite never being afraid to cry in his presence before and the glass slipped from your grasp.

 You were sure the shattering of the crystal was loud enough to draw the attention of everyone in the household but no one came and it dawned on you that they knew that this was coming. They knew what was happening and they had been ordered to stay out of it.

  “Why?” you croaked through the pain in your throat.

  His phone lit up. Your attention shot to the device on the side table and the name sprawled across the screen clenched at your heart.

Hayley.

He pried his sight away from the black screen and his flared nostrils mixed with the red rim of his gaze spoke volumes louder than his words ever could.

“For her?” You cursed yourself for emitting so much vulnerability in your tone, “You’re leaving me for her?”

“I-I love her,”

“You love me!” You shouted, stepping around the shattered glass that lay around your barren feet. “Or have you forgotten that?”

“(Y/N), I – ”

“Does she cloud your judgement so much? So much so that you forget the promises you’ve made me?” You clamped your hand on his jaw and jerk his face towards yours. If he was gonna do this then he would have to bare witness to your pain.

“She clouds nothing!” Elijah yelled, the pain in his voice constricting his words.

Your eyes studied his own, observing how his gaze never landed on yours and danced across the room. You felt the beginnings of stubble under your fingers and the smell of him, of his scent, was among the many things you were to miss.

“You’re lying to me, Elijah,” You hissed, the tears no longer contained by your lids, “I know when you’re lying,”

Elijah gripped your hand painfully and pried it from his face, “You believe what you choose to despite me telling you what’s true,”

“It’s not!” You shouted, ignoring the pain shooting up from the sole of your foot.

Elijah looked down, already smelling the cause of your pain and unlike his usual mannerism, ignored it and held strong in his words. He was showing that he cared nothing for you anymore. You were no longer his concern. And that went into effect immediately.

His glare bore into yours and a ferocity that replaced his pain urged him on despite how much he knew he was hurting you. It had to be done.

“You have ‘til the end of the night to find somewhere. If not, I’ll personally escort you off the premises,”

Your glare softened and disbelief took over, “E-Elijah,”

He bent over ever so slightly so he was at your level and you took a step back to make up for his intimidation, “Get. Out.”

~

Four years. It’d been four years since you’d last seen Elijah.

That night you called Damon and he offered you his home with open arms. Very un-Damon like but you sighed with relief when he did. Your family was back in Mystic Falls and although they’d be the logical option to move in with, your brother had a wife and you didn’t want to intrude on that.

The first year was hard for you. Everything about everything reminded you of Elijah. The kindness in your friends, the suits on Damon, the morality of Alaric. It was all too much for too long. Then Bonnie came up with a solution, temporary of course. She offered alleviation. A numbness without a cold. You would feel nothing but a dull ache while you sorted your pain out. Eventually, it worked.

These days, Elijah was the last thing on your mind, truly. You’d moved on, lived your life and stuck with Damon as a weird duo but you’d retained your mortality, until you were ready to give it up anyway. Or so he offered. But you weren’t sure. You couldn’t trade all that you currently had for immorality.

And as you sat on the chair outside The Grill, waiting for your food and drink, the reason for your hesitation waddled out of the restaurant, her eyes looking for your familiar figure. Your smile met your eyes as you outstretched your hands, repeatedly closing and opening your fists to motion for her to come to you. Her laugh brought a joy to your ears you’d long thought you’d lost but she rejuvenated you.

“Where’s Daddy?” You asked, not waiting for a reply. “Where’d he run off to?” You continued your chatter with her, not noticing the figure walking up to you.

“(Y/n) . . .” a voice emerged from behind you and your heart twisted in your chest.

You couldn’t bring yourself to turn around, afraid of seeing who you thought it was. Or worse, not seeing him at all. Your body shook but for what you didn’t know. Was it agony? Anger? Excitement? You didn’t have enough time to ponder its reasoning before he spoke your name again and you slowly turned around.

And seeing him now hurt just as much as when he’d kicked you to the curb.

“Elijah,” you whispered, afraid at how weak your voice sounded.

You watched as he looked you up and down slowly, not in a way to objectify you but like he was taking you in all over again. Like the first time he’d ever set eyes on you.

“W-what are you doing here?” You asked before a tugging on your leggings caught your attention and you looked down to see the toddler’s hands reaching out for you.

“Up!” she demanded and you contemplated it momentarily, afraid you’d honestly drop her from how hard your body shook but you seceded and picked up her light figure, resting her on your hips.

Elijah observed as your motherly instincts took over and a tightening in his chest that he’d felt throughout the years came back with a ferocity. It was too late. Unless . . .

He watched how you almost hid the girl from him, as though you were afraid he would notice something about her and the tightening twisted into physical pain at the thought that crossed his mind but he couldn’t help but ask.

“I-is that . . . I mean, is she,” but he couldn’t find the words, rather he pointed to you and then to himself. Normally, he wouldn’t even have considered the idea but Klaus managed to have a child with Hayley so anything could be possible, he thought. He hoped.

You twisted the child away ever so slightly and shook your head, “She’s not yours if that’s what you’re wondering,”

He smiled sadly at the child and stared down at you, of course she wasn’t his. That’d be more ‘good’ than he deserved. Especially considering how he behaved the last time he saw you. But he needed you gone, needed you safe. And you were.

The ache pulled at his stomach and made its way up to his throat, cramping it up. He’d waited too long to come back for you. How foolish he was to think you’d wait for him.

“She looks like you,”

You nodded and jumped up to raise her higher onto your hip, “I get that a lot,”

Moments of silence passed between you before you cleared your throat and shook him from his fantasies.

“I’m sorry to bother you, I have business to attend to,” he whirled around and took elegant but hasty strides away from you.

Oh God. Don’t go.

“Elijah,” you whispered, knowing he heard you despite the hush of your tone but he didn’t look back. He never looked back.

~

“It’s too late, Klaus. I’ve lost her,” The words burned Elijah’s throat as he spoke them.

“That’s not possible, Elijah. The woman’s in love with you,” Klaus responded, bearing no mind to the pain that his brother was living through. “You snap your fingers and she’ll come crawling back to you I know it-”

“She has a child, Klaus. A daughter.” Elijah whisked back the drink in his hand, staring menacingly at the lit fireplace.

Klaus raised his brow, “How old is the child?” He asked, the same curious tone that Elijah emitted not too long ago.

“Three, maybe four,” he responded.

Klaus’ eyebrows raised even higher, “Could it be-”

“She’s not.” Elijah silenced his brother in his retort. The topic would no longer be discussed.

“I see,” Klaus rested lazily back in his seat, “That’s too bad, Hope could do with a cousin her age,”

“This is your fault,” Elijah spoke, no specific emotion prevalent in his words.

Klaus let the silence go on for a beat too long, not knowing what he could say to calm the heartbreak of his elder brother. “You know she wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t broken her heart, Elijah. She’s a stubborn one. She would’ve stayed for the war and then you’d have truly lost her forever,”

Elijah chewed on the inside of his cheek, the resentment he had for his brother at a point he wasn’t aware it could reach, “I already have,”

~

By the time you pulled in to the driveway you were practically a mess, only holding it together for a few more moments before you were going to implode.

“Let’s go,” you said, unbuckling her tiny body from the new car seat you bought and walked her over to the front door before looking at the man standing beside you and waiting for him to pull out his keys. When he gave you a sheepish smile, you rolled your eyes and knocked on the door. 

The seconds of silence that passed gave you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the pain you’d avoided for years now and if the door wasn’t opened soon you wouldn’t be able to hold it together for much longer.

“Mommy!” The door creaked open and she ran up to her mother and jumped into her arms.

“How was she?” she asked and you smiled, hoping the man beside you couldn’t see the pain in your action but he knew you too well to not notice.

“She was great. We went for ice cream and took a walk around the park then played on the swing set.” You chuckled at how loving she was towards her daughter. She watched as her husband entered the house looking as exhausted as ever.

“Thank you for watching them both.” She giggled and gave you one of her world renown smiles.

You nodded, “Of course, you know I love her and am obligated to love my brother as well,”

“No! Stay Aunty (Y/N)!” The toddler demanded and you smiled lightly at her.

“I’ll visit again soon, I promise!” You stuck out your pinky for her and she twisted her own miniscule one around yours.

“Pinky promise,” she said and smiled goofily at you.

“Pinky promise,”

[bookocd]

Light As Air Chapter 5

Alright I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I hope it makes a couple of you chuckle. Thank you for reading and if anyone wants to be added to the tag list let me know!

Tag List:

@wxstedhexrt

Summary:

In the aftermath of Kingdom of Ash, Fenrys finds himself connected with a mysteriously powerful fae female. With the confusion of her past and vast amount of power, the Aelin’s court becomes weary of Fenrys’s involvement. 

Fenrys is still reeling after Connall’s death and while joining Aelin’s court has been a dream, his nightmares are still plagued by Maeve. 

Vel will do anything to get the help she needs, but her past controls her emotions, and her hopes for the future clouds her judgement. 

Maybe together they can mend what has been broken, but Vel’s strange origins will continue to keep them apart. 

Link to Master list!

Chapter 5:

The plan was to let him think she was sleeping.

The plan was to wait for him to leave.

The plan was to sneak out of this room and out of the castle and never come back. 

Plans fucking change. 

Looking at Fenrys was the equivalent of looking into the sun. It hurt, but you couldn’t stop yourself. This was the only reason she allowed him to maneuver her into the position they were in now. She knew that his training ran deep and when she loosened her hold ever so slightly on his hand that he would take the opportunity to gain back his dominance. 

The new plan was to look at him and then throw him off of the bed all together. It only took one shift of her lower body and legs, and then he would be on his ass. 

Vel found herself unable to buck him off, because she couldn’t stop staring. The scars on his face were now just subtle red lines and somehow the almost nonexistent scars allowed him to look real. Vel had never seen someone who looked as perfect as him. Given that she had never met more than five people in her life, until recently, but the characters in her books had nothing on the male hovering a couple of inches from her face. 

“Are you going to behave if I let your arms go?” His voice brought Vel out of her thoughts. 

A rough laugh filled the chamber and she flashed him her teeth in anger. He was speaking to her as if she were a small child. “Probably not,” she gritted out.

“Then I guess we are at a standstill sweetheart.”

“Do not call me that.”

His eyes shone and she knew her mistake. He would never stop calling her that now, but her emotions got the best of her. The only person that had ever called her that was her father. 

Fenrys made to speak again, but Vel beat him to it. 

“Is this how you like your women? Pinned down, unable to move?” Her taunt was gross, uncalled for, and only said for the purpose of getting him off balance. His hands let go of her arms almost immediately and his face went completely blank. 

It was a look of utter nonexistence, a look of nothingness. Vel just watched, eyes wide, as the warrior in front of her started the shake. His breathing started to quicken and then he was across the room. Vel sat up and looked upon the male. He was sliding down the brick wall while hyperventilating, eyes glazed over, like he was living in a nightmare. 

Knowing the signs of a panic attack and having personal experiences with them, Vel slowly walked over to where the male now had his head in-between his knees. 

“Breath, just breath,” she started to say as calmly as possible. “You are safe. Try to slow your breathing.” Nothing happened. “I need to know how to help you. Please tell me how to help you.” The whimper she heard from him nearly broke her heart. She kept repeating commands of breathing, but she realized that maybe he was more like her than she realized. There was only one thing that would get her out of a severe state like this. 

She knew what she had to do.

—

Fenrys didn’t know how he got here. His panic attacks never came on this fast and never with someone else in the room. He was happy with keeping his problems to himself, but with peace came more time for thought. His thoughts were never good and neither were his memories. 

He faintly heard Vel speaking to him, but it wasn’t his humiliation that kept him from looking up at her. It was the fact that for one second, she turned into another black haired female. He had been in that position before, many times and never with his consent. Her commands came back to him in a flood and then he was transported to a lavish room in Doranelle being forced to be the whore the whole city thought him to be. 

His thoughts of Maeve’s face were interrupted by a hand on his knee. Still not looking up he tried to focus on the voice in front of him, instead of the sultry voices of the past. 

“I was really young when magic was taken away and so many magical families and fae were killed. My father felt the only way to ensure my safety was to keep me in a secret cellar at all times. It wasn’t until I was 13 that I was allowed out of the cellar, 15 when I was allowed outside of the cabin, and 17 when my father allowed me to travel with him. He had finally deemed me mature enough and smart enough to know I would die if anyone found out what I was. This is only relevant to the story, because I need you to know that I was fucking stupid when it came to social interaction and normal everyday activities having to do with people.” She huffed out a slight laugh and slowly but surely his breathing started to slow as she continued talking.

“I went into a village with my father, so we could gather some food and because he finally got fed up with me pestering him everyday about getting out of that cabin. This town was larger and had both an Inn and connecting bath house, along with a farmers market and several small shops. It was far enough from Orynth that it wasn’t attacked, it wasn’t valuable enough to pillage, and definitely not large enough to be a threat, so they were left mostly alone. I stayed quiet with my head down and tried to slouch as I walked, to hide both my teeth and unnatural tallness, but still people were kind to me and I actually enjoyed myself. At one point toward the end of our journey my father wanted to talk to an elderly man about his book collection, which ended up taking hours. Once he got talking about books, nobody could stop him.” It was at the sad tone that Fenrys finally looked up. Her hand was still on his leg, tethering him to the real word, and there were tears in her eyes. When she met his gaze a small smile formed on her lips. He still couldn’t speak, but he pleaded, with his eyes, for her to continue and she seemed to know what he was asking. 

“I started to get stir crazy and reckless. I also had never had a real bath. The closest I got was a stream by our house, which was not the same thing. It was getting late and the most people had already gone home or to the pub in the main floor of the small inn. I thought I could be quick, in and out, so I headed over toward the bath house.” Her hand finally left his knee and covered her face as a blush was slowly creeping across her cheeks. 

Through her hands he could barely hear the smothered words. 

“I also need to tell you that I was wearing boys clothing because… well, that’s a story for a different day.”

His heart soared at hearing her talk about the future, even if she probably hadn’t meant it. 

“So yea, I walked toward the bath house and when I went inside no one was in the main room and there were only two doors leading to the baths. The wall with the two doors was covered with a huge landscape painting of a Terrasen forest in the winter. To this day I can still picture it, the snow covered evergreens and mountainous background. Anyways I didn’t see any difference between the two so I just decided, without using any common fucking sense, to walk into the left door.”

Her eyes peaked out in-between mangled fingers at Fenrys, but he still wasn’t quite sure where this story was going. With a huff she dropped her hands and all but yelled, “I saw penis’s okay!?”

His eyes widened as she went on. “In the artwork on the wall connecting to the baths, there was a doe on the right door and a buck on the left, to signify which door was for which gender. This only became clear when I walked in to see all the farm hands, who apparently all bathe together after a hard days work instead of going home, which is what I thought they did. There was at least 12 men spread about the room. In the actual water, lounging in chairs, wiping themselves off with towels, but all fucking naked. I saw several different cock’s and I looked like a boy so no one covered themselves when I walked in. The asked me to JOIN THEM! I was mortified and scarred for life, and I ran out. When I finally found my father, who hadn’t realized I had left, we walked home in silence and he asked me several times what was wrong. Of course I said nothing, but later that night I found myself asking my brother what the average size of a penis was and ended up telling him the whole story. He laughed so hard that fell out of a chair. I never spoke of it since, well except for right now. So yea… penis’s. That’s the end of my story.” 

Fenrys didn’t know what to say, so instead he burst out into a fit of laughter. 

“You’re fucking k-kidding with me-e?” He managed to get out in-between wheezes. 

Her miserable face was enough to answer his question, but she nodded and said, “And apparently, from the information my brother gave me, they were all rather unimpressive.” 

“Oh. My. Gods.” Clutching his stomach his laugh worsened and he keeled over onto his side, tears blurring his vision. She started to laugh with him slightly and covered her mouth with a hand, but her eyes gave away her smile. 

“Fenrys it’s not funny. I couldn’t close my eyes for weeks, because all I saw were small flaccid dicks.” 

All of a sudden everything was silent. He quickly righted himself and just stared at her. The laughter was gone, some tears were still falling down his cheeks, chasing each other. Her smile vanished and a worried look replaced it. 

“What did I say. I’m sorry about what I said before, I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to get you flustered so I could kick you off, but I know it was wrong and I just—“ Fenrys cut her rambling off with a hand to her impossibly soft cheek. 

This female had successfully gotten him out of a panic attack, made him laugh like he hasn’t in over 100 years, and then when she said his name it was like the sun parting two storm clouds. A sun that was now shining down on him. 

“You said my name,” was all he said. He dropped his hand when she started to look guarded again. “Well that was the worst story I have ever heard and I think I have doubts about your observation skills.” 

“I was 17, I’ve learned a lot since then,” her taunting tone coming back in full force. 

“I’m sure you have, but I’m still going to go around the city and write Male and Female on all of the bath house doors.”

Her laughter fell around him like silk.

“You are not!” She said still laughing, but they both were turning as the chamber door opened. 

—

Vel tried not to think about the story she had shared with him, the mention of her family almost sent herself over the edge, but she had the strangest urge to help him, even if that meant hurting herself. She also was trying and failing to stop thinking about the look her gave her after she spoke his name aloud for the first time. The look was so warm and the absence of lust is what struck her. It had nothing to do with him being sexually attracted to her, which was evident in his hardness that he had tried to hide earlier, and he was definitely larger than those men in the bath house all those years ago. A lot larger. 

She was very thankful when the door opened, cutting off her laughter at his last comment. She watched as the head of the queen popped out from behind the door. The shock was clear on her face at seeing Fenrys and Vel both sitting on the ground and there was no way she hadn’t heard them laughing, but she quickly schooled her face into one of neutrality. 

“I hate to break up the party, but dinner is being served and I wanted to see if either of you wanted to join.” She then looked directly at Vel and continued, “Or if you are still not feeling well, we can have someone bring something up for you.” 

Vel was shaken by the kindness, and almost agreed to come down, but she was not ready to face their whole court yet. Not after what happened with her powers and what had just happened with Fenrys, so she said, “Thank you, but I think I should probably head home. I already feel as though I have taken too much of your time and kindness, and do not want to be a burden any longer.”

“You haven’t eaten anything all day, so you will not be leaving to go walking through the forest at night. I will have someone bring food up to you and if you try to leave, which I seriously doubt you are strong enough to do so, we will have someone guard your door.” The voice was that of a queen, but Vel knew that she wasn’t keeping her here to make sure she was okay, but to make sure that the kingdom was safe, from an uncontrolled powerful fae female. 

Vel just nodded and Aelin relaxed slightly. Fenrys then stood and put a hand out to help Vel do the same. Without looking at the queen he said, “Aelin I will meet you downstairs in a couple of minutes. Don’t let Lorcan and Rowan eat all of the meat.”

Aelin let out a small laugh and left mumbling something about bastard fae males and their bottomless pits they called stomachs. 

Alone again, Vel looked to Fenrys and suddenly felt exposed. She let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around her waist. His lips angled downward, as if he was unhappy. 

Even with the light gone from his face he still his voice still managed to flow with warmth as he spoke. “Thank you for helping me.” He continued, but sounded more unsure, “The others don’t know about… um my… uh episodes. I don’t think it will come up, but if we… could um keep that between us.”

“I would never tell anyone and thanks are not necessary,” she said and watched him nod and turn toward the door. She didn’t move as he turned back towards her. 

“How did you know that telling me that story would work?” 

“It’s what my father used to do for me, when I went through the same thing.” His eyebrows raised at the admission, but wisely didn’t ask her to say anything further. He closed the door with a small smile.

Vel turned back toward the bed and sat down. She hadn’t realized how tired she was and would probably fall back asleep before her food was delivered.

She had only just laid down when she heard a knock at the door. Shooting up into a sitting position she watched the door open and Fenrys’s head to come back into view. He cocky grin was back and she felt relieved at the more normal behavior. 

“Oh and Vel, I want you to know that fae males have quite a significant difference in average length than that of human men.” Her eyebrows raised. “And for scientific and comparative purposes only, I would gladly show you one above average, even for fae.”

The door closed quickly as a pillow went hurling through the air and hit the door with a thud.