#i have them both blocked but i saw a weird reblog on someone else’s post

[labyrynth]

PSA for “canon jiang cheng” folks:

please stop using the “subordinate” thing as a basis for your arguments. that word does not mean what you seem to think it means.

y’all talk about jc asking wwx to be his subordinate as if it’s like some show of disrespect. some of y’all literally use it as “evidence” that jc “never cared about wwx” and that he “never viewed wwx as anything but a servant” but like.

my friends. subordinate literally just means “someone with a lower rank (than someone else).” it does not carry any connotations of subservience, servitude, lesser worth, or disrespect.

we understand how sect leadership works in mdzs, yes? there is One (1) sect leader.

Everyone who is Not the sect leader, but is affiliated with that sect, is Subordinate to the Sect Leader.

nobody ever claims that lan xichen didn’t care about lan wangji, lan qiren, or any of the juniors, even though they were all subordinate to him as the sect leader.

nobody ever claims that jin guangshan viewed madame jin, jin zixuan, or jin zixun as “just servants” or even servants at all, even though they were all subordinate to him as the sect leader.

hell, nobody even claims that nie mingjue viewed meng yao as “just a servant,” even when meng yao actually WAS a servant!

[edit: apparently some people are taking objection to calling meng yao as a servant? y’all, they literally made him be their water boy. what would you call that?]

that’s just how leadership works! being subordinate isn’t a bad thing!! it’s just “a person who has a boss”

“right-hand-man” IS a subordinate position to “sect leader,” and it’s also literally the highest position jc could have given wwx without quite literally making wwx sect leader!

so like. unless you ARE legitimately arguing that jiang cheng should have forced wei wuxian to become sect leader of yunmengJiang, just…please drop it.

that word Does Not mean what you Think it means. the thing you are Mad about is Made Up. please just let it go.

[autumn-sweet-fae]

ok inspired by this post you reblogged—

imagine them double battling trainers and both doing the thing- It’d go viral online if there is footage taken from that and imagine all the theories of Akari being Ingo & Emmets relatives blow up even more lmao—

Yes! @braparty art is so cute!! I especially love Ingo and Akari’s with expressions!

And I originally was gonna respond with something short but then this got so far away from me, so enjoy!

-

The first time Akari struck that pose beside Ingo had been at Mr. Dagero’s photo studio. 

Ingo has had a appreciation for photography from the moment he had learned of the little shops opening. The warden started stopping by every so often to get a new photo of his Pokémon and their new evolutions. Then, as he made friends with those in the security corps he would politely request that they stand for a photo, which they were happy to do so. (Zisu even hung the photo of them all together in her office at the dojo.) Ingo would gather these keepsakes in a small book that he’d keep in his pocket at all times. For him, having a physical image of past events and friends gave him a sense of security, as they were much less ephemeral than his own memory.

Then came the morning that he encountered miss Akari at the studio. He requested she do him the honor of posing with him for a photo and she was happy to do so. It turned out she had developed her own fondness for photography for the same reasons he had.

Of the many photos they had taken that day, the one that stood out the most to him had been the one where Akari had mimicked him. In the photo itself she had also copied his frown but when she had asked him if she was doing the pose right she had the biggest grin. He couldn’t understand the weird mix of emotions he felt at seeming this person who he cares so much for copying his pose. He knew it had an important meaning to him in his life before Hisui, and to see someone else doing it along side him… it meant something.

Much later, after discovering Ingos lost Arc- transceiver and being tasked to collect dozens of Hisuis regional Pokemon, Akari and Ingo find themselves traversing the Coronet highlands in the pouring rain to track down a reported flock of Rowlets.

They’re forced to take to a long winding route through the mountains as the rain makes climbing to slippery for Ingo, and Lady Sneasler is  currently unavailable to aid them. Akari is excited to learn the reason is that noble is expecting a clutch of eggs and has spent the week nesting in her den in preparation. But, as happy as that news is, Akari can tell that Ingo seems almost sad when he tells her about it. It takes her a moment to realize the reason. At the rate they currently are catching Pokémon, by the time the eggs hatch Ingo and Akari will have long returned to their home beyond space and time, never to see Sneasler and her babies again.

Akari is at a loss for words for what to say. Ingo stays stone faced as always, moving forward in the rain. Akari hurries after only for Ingo to suddenly stop and throw his arm our in front of her to halt her advance. She realizes something must be blocking the path up ahead and goes silent. Nodding to each other, under the cover of the storm, Akari creeps forward to get a look at what Ingo saw.

There, standing side by side in the center of the road, are the bandit sisters Clover and Coin. Clearly they were planing on ganging up on and robbing any travelers who unfortunate enough to cross their path. And yet Akari can only grin as she turns back to Ingo. She suggest they both take on the bandits together, with her Typhlosion, Dusk, vs Clovers Abomasnow, and his Gliscor vs Coins Toxicroak! Whoever makes their opponent drop first wins!

The thought of a double battle starts to bring back Ingo’s energy. In all his time in Hisui he had yet to experience one and yet the idea feels so familiar. Akari’s excitement is infections and she’s so happy to see how Ingo’s eye have lit up at her suggestion.

The two confront the bandits and, on a pure whim, Akari follows Ingo’s lead and mirrors his pose as he orders the sisters to stand clear of the tracks or risk their safety. The sheer volume of the command gives away his enthusiasm and joy of the moment. The battle may be a short one but it’s a battle none the less, and to have someone he cares for grinning by his side and pointing with him as he declares their challenge feels so familiar. He knows he’s done this before, in his life before Hisui.

The sisters try to stand their ground and intimidate the two but they’re partners are at a severe disadvantage. Ingo’s Gliscor moves first and KO’s Toxicroak in one shot, while Dusks makes short work of Abomasnow. The bandits are pissed and promise their revenge before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

After gathering their rewards Ingo and Akari spend the rest of the trek to the Rowlet outbrake theorizing potential combos and duo match ups of double battles. Both are so excited at unlocking the memory of the existence of the battle method. They agree they they’ll need to start offering this battle style at the training grounds once they get back! If only so they can have trainers to battle.

By the time they reach the future and are challenged by modern trainers to double battles, Ingo and Akari have become a formidable duo! They have a good read on each other and can usually predict the other next move. Akari still mirrors Ingo’s pose every time they battle together because she can see the way he lights up when she does and also they look so cool.

Someone of course captures a picture and post it online, and tags #LikeFatherLikeDaughter and #SubwayBossJr starts trending. Emmet has allot of mixed feelings when he sees the pose of them together.

[loser-brain]

Stumbling and falling on my face... I did block the users and did not take screenshot of our conversation because it just consisted of them begging me to commission them and how scared and afraid they were because they didn't know how to make money as an artist.

Hhheeeeeyyyyyy... so I'm just gonna jump right to it.

If you ever encounter a user that goes by the name

stais-world and their art looks kinda of weird. Like it's traced kind of weird. That's because it is.

They still use their old username when watermarking/leaving a signature.

The "sideblog" is older then the stais-world account. When I first encountered statis, I believe I encounter them with their old username but I do not remember, they message me begging me to commission them. I quickly shot them down telling them that you should not beg to be commission and that it's not right/not how to market yourself yada yada...

As I was looking at their art, at the time, I wanted to call them out and say that their work look trace. A big accusation mind you, but as someone who studies and obsess with art (and also have the powerful knowledge of the 10%vs80% under my belt). I could tell, right off the bat, that many of the work were trace. Granted I will not lie, there were some work that didn't look trace (then again I was tripped up with the style of tracing, believing that they're not a tracer but a beginner artist). However majority of them do look trace.

Continuing on, about a month or so went by they message me again begging me to commission them and that they were scared not being able to pay their bills. I did not say anything.

A week, I think went by, I got a message, "hi. How have you been?" I was going to tell them I have been good but they kept going, "My commissions are open... I am scared... I don't believe I can pay my bills... if you do not want to commission me I have paypal and accept tips... please."

I'm glad Tumblr finally added archive back to users without blogs. I could be wrong about their sideblog being not a sideblog but the evidence is that they both were made in February this year (2023) and that the sideblog had a post made/reblogged in Feb 23. While their Stais blog had a post made in Feb 28.

What's worse is when I look for their username (their old one) Tumblr didn't show me any post so I just thought for awhile that I was an ass accusing someone. Finally, Tumblr worked and I saw some posts confirming my suspensions.

Many of the users that called out Stais of being a scammer not only got a reply from them (idk, their reply was deleted and yes I unblocked them to double check again) but many of the replies wanted answers from Stais whether their work was legit or not.

Apparently, given some time from reading, Stais must have made a big red flag answer. And that they copied the image but not directly. Using their eyes and hand coordination they were able to copy it line for line like the image making them exactly the same.

So, it's not impossible for that happen. However, given their lineart ability and constant drastic style changes. It's not right to over charge someone $70 just so you can traces someone else's work.

Continuing on my mini research. Apparently they have more then just two blogs. But from what I saw in the doc about 30+ blogs (I went back and count he has about 26+) ... I didn't count but god damn... this user have been going into many different fandoms and begging people to commission them giving out the same sob story.

So to conclude, I'm sorry artist and writers, there are many people who are struggling to make ends meet I understand, but if someone is begging you to commission them and they give out a sob story to guilt trip you.

Report them as scam and block. Make a post to spread awareness. Because even when this user, who made the doc, told Tumblr that this person has been doing this to others with many... many blogs. Tumblr ignore them and allow this scammer to thrive.

It's absolutely sickening to see.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Kinktober 2021 Monster Fuckers Extravaganza

From October 1st until October 31st, I will be posting drabbles for this year's Kinktober celebration.

Some ground rules before we get started.

I will be tagging all my Kinktober stories as "lemon". If you are a minor DO NO INTERACT! Please, respect my blog and remember to block "lemon". I'm trying to keep this October safe and fun for everyone.

Send all request to my ask box. If it is sent as a submission or into my messages, I will not answer them.

Do not ask me if I got your request. Just assume I have I'll get to it when and if I can. If you message me multiple times asking about it, I will delete it.

If I do answer your request, please reblog and/or comment. It's just common courtesy. I'm not getting paid here. Your engagement is my payment.

And now for the fun stuff.

Step 1: Select a Character

Chose any from the following fandoms:

Star Wars (Original Trilogy, Prequel Trilogy, Sequel Trilogy, The Clone Wars, Rebels, Thrawn Trilogy, Rogue One, The Mandalorian)

Marvel/MCU

The Magnificent Seven

Star Trek: TOS/AOS

M*A*S*H

Any of My OCs

Anything else you've seen me reblog: Hammer Horror, ACD Sherlock, Good Omens, etc.

Step 2: Select Your Monster

Vampire AU

Werewolf AU

Dragon AU

Demon AU

Angel AU

Mermaid AU

Fae AU

Ghost AU

Alien AU

Shifter AU

Or any other kind of monster or supernatural being your heart desires; let's get weird

Step 3: Select a Sentence Prompt

“Are you sure? Once we start, i might not be able to stop.“

“Aw, you’re so cute when you blush like that.”

“Aw, your legs are trembling~ does it feel that good?”

“Baby, it’s cold outside.”

“Bet I can make you come without ever touching you.”

“Can you guys just fuck already?”

“Car sex looks so much easier in the movies. “

"Catch me if you can!”

“Christ, put some clothes on!”

“Cum all over my face”

“Cum for me.”

“Did I just say that out loud?”

“Did you come inside?!”

“Do you like it? I put it on just for you.”

“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now?”

“Don’t treat me like a princess”

“Don’t argue. Just do it.”

“Don’t cover your mouth… I like hearing you.”

“Don’t talk, just spread your legs”

“Don’t you dare to pull out.”

“Don’t you know how to knock?!”

“Fine, but… only if we go slow, okay?”

“Finish inside me, I mean it.”

“First one to cum is the loser.”

“Forget the bed… let’s do it right here.”

“Here, let me show you how to do it.”

“Home is too far away. No one’s going to see us here.”

“How long do we have?”

“I can’t wait until we’re alone. There are so many things I want to do to you right now.”

“I could watch you ride me all day.”

“I don’t care about consequences.”

“I don’t have to be inside you to make you feel good…”

“I don’t like the blindfold… I want to see you!”

“I like it when you touch me there.”

“I like your toys. Can I have them in me? ”

“I swear this was an accident!”

“I think you deserve a treat.”

“I want to see those pretty little lips wrapped around my cock.”

“I want you to fill me.”

“I wanna fuck you right up against the window.”

“If I’d known how much you liked to be watched I would’ve invited him/her/them sooner.”

“If we get caught, I’m blaming you”

“If you don’t like my teasing, then why are you moaning?”

“Is this sofa strong enough for both of us?”

“I’ll call in sick again.”

“I’ll do anything you want me to do to you, but you have to say it out loud.”

“I’m gonna marry you just for doing that.”

“I’m in heat./ I’m horny. ”

“I’m not gonna stop leaving marks till I’m sure everyone will know you’re mine.”

“I’ve been thinking about doing this all day.”

“Just sit back and let me give you a show.”

“Keep doing that, and I’ll cum in no time”

“Lay back and touch yourself. I want to watch.”

“Leave your hand there, sweetheart, it feels good.”

“Let me show you why we should stay in bed. ”

“Let’s do it in the bathroom, you can be as messy as you want.”

“Let’s sneak in and do it there.”

“Lick it. Right there.”

“Looks like someone wants to be a dad/mom.”

“Make sure I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

“My cum’s dripping out, let me push it back in you.”

“Oh, look who’s not wearing any underwear~”

“On all fours, right now!”

“Please tell me you got protection.”

“Please, let me taste you.”

“Please, ruin me.”

“Round 2, baby” (or any number, lol)

“Someone’s happy to see me.”

“Stop undressing me with your eyes and start using your teeth.”

“Swallow. All of it.”

“That is kinky even by my standards…”

“That position looks impossible enough, let’s try it.”

“That’s a nice way to start a day”

“That’s it, keep cumming.”

“They’re all watching the movie. They’re not even going to notice.”

“Three is not a crowd. Three is just a start.”

“WOAH- is that going to fit?”

“Were you just masturbating?”

“We’re already late… do you want to be more late?”

“We’re gonna need a bigger bed.”

“We’ve been doing it for three hours… How come you’re not tired?” (or any number, lol)

“What a nice little sound, I think I’ll bite there again.”

“What are you doing in my bed?!”

“What else are you hiding under there?”

“What if I want them to hear/see us?”

“What the fuck, that was amazing. Do it again.”

“Who cares if everyone’s watching?”

“You are better than any toy I’ve tried.”

“You look so hot when you dance.“

“You really do love drinking my cum, don’t you?”

"You saw me naked!”

“You taste so sweet/salty”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Your head between my legs sounds good right now.”

“You’re bigger than I expected.”

“You’re cute when you’re worried.”

“You’re mine, and I don’t share.”

“You’re so cute when you’re all tied up and needy…..”

“You’re so flexible…”

“You’ve got too many clothes on.”

[Insert your own]

Step 4: Send Me My Ask Box

Please remember to specify that your ask if for Kinktober

Step 5: Profit

Happy Halloween Everybody. ;)

[bookofmirth]

Hi! I hope you're doing well in this interesting time in fandom lol. I just wanted to drop in and say I really feel what you're saying about the weird divide between anti/pro tags in fandom as a whole!

It's such a different experience because a few years ago, having something mildly critical to say about a character would never warrant using anti tags. Those were reserved for blogs dedicated to hating a series, or maybe a single post where someone was absolutely annihilating a character. Never just basic criticism. It makes me feel so weird about posting something critical with the intention of having an honest and open discussion, because I know someone is going to take it the wrong way no matter how it's tagged. It's been such a weird shift and imo it makes it a lot harder to communicate and express opinions with anyone else.

Hello! I have been having a great time this week. Even if the crossover is controversial, at least people haven't been as focused on the ship war, which has been lovely! I like talking about other things.

I totally agree with you. I know we've both been in the fandom for a while, I checked and we've been mutuals at least two years, though I thought it was longer. Tumblr isn't very clear on that anymore. But anyway, anti sjm blogs use tags in a very specific way that we are used to, and I respect the way that they use tags because it makes it easy for me to avoid their content. I had "anti sjm" and a few variations of that tag blocked for a while because I will fundamentally never agree with being anti, and that's fine! They can do their thing and I will do mine.

I don't like how now, within the fandom and amongst people who are supposed to enjoy generally the same content, this tagging is creating divides. Especially because I think things are way more complex than "I love this character and hate this one and there is no in between".

I saw a post yesterday that was railing on Elain, and the thing is, I actually agreed with half of what this person was saying. I agreed with a lot of her flaws that were being pointed out because I think those flaws are what she needs to work through. I didn't agree with all of it, for sure. I'm not sure if OP had tagged it "anti elain" but what if they did and I had that tag blocked? And now just because of the fandom atmosphere, I don't know this person, so what would they do if I reblogged with my two cents? Is anti/pro like the new fandom DNI?

Something I realized is that while anti tags are supposed to help people sort content, I really don't think that's actually how people are using them. For example, when I say something about a certain ship I dislike not being canon, I will misspell it antielriel or some people do anti e*riel etc. If you spell the word correctly, it will show up in the "neutral" or positive search results as well, so you have to mess with the spelling. It's like Anti Fandom Culture 101: What to do to keep the stans off your back.

But this new pro and anti trend doesn't do that! People will just full on tag something "anti Rhysand" which... completely defeats the purpose of helping people sort content. That post is going to show up in the regular searches for Rhysand. So what's the point? If someone tags "anti Rhysand", does that mean they have zero interest in hearing otherwise? I honestly don't get it because I assume that every single character has fucked up at some point and every single character can have fans. If people are that sensitive that they can only see posts that say good things about their faves, then good luck in the minefield that is fandom, I guess!

[neonponders]

I’m so sorry that I don’t remember who originally posted about Steve accidentally calling Billy, Daddy, and Billy - naturally - going feral for it.

But daydreaming about this helped me sleep so ~ enjoy! (If anyone knows the post I’m talking about, I’ll happily add a link to it in a reblog and the ao3 notes.)

Read on ao3 here.

Featuring reunion/aged up trope ~ (I didn’t really keep canon in mind for this, but if you want it to be post season 3, that’s fine.)

It’s a strange twilight zone, meeting someone again. Being complete strangers with a history.

Not the best history, either, so Steve just had to laugh to himself while he sat on Billy Hargrove’s couch. The guy looked up from the kitchen counter across the open floor plan. “What?”

And Steve might be internally combusting a bit-

A lot.

Because Billy’s hot. Like...Steve can actually appreciate it now. It’s not the first time he feels like a fool for being too slow. Billy was a looker in high school; easily one of the guys who completed puberty first and knew it. Made him an asshole for it. And people liked assholes.

Steve guessed he just didn’t do it right. Being the mean guy. But that was far behind them, now, and Billy’s late twenties were doing him favors.

Steve supposed if young, spry, Adonis Billy came with being a complete dick, then he could appreciatively leave him behind. Because Billy wasn’t a complete dick anymore. And the man strolling back across the room with a pair of whiskey sours was definitely, 100%, burning a hole through Steve’s jeans better than the show-off from high school ever did.

Steve reckoned Adonis never got laid nearly as much as Zeus or Poseidon anyway, which he only knew from Robin’s ramblings about her Greek theatre class. Steve earned a distinct wrinkling of her nose when he said, “Lettuce? Adonis is symbolized with lettuce? Yeah, no. Aphrodite, that cougar, fell for a twink while Daddy Poseidon was getting whoever he wanted with his beard and all.”

Robin had barked a laugh but chided, “Please don’t ever call Poseidon, “Daddy,” ever again. Oh my god.”

Joke’s on her, because now she referred to the gods and heroes by whatever name Steve gave them.

And the joke was on Steve. Because he was definitely the twink in this new situation he found himself in.

Billy had always been stacked. But the guy walking through the university gallery to make Steve’s heart stop beating in his chest was something else. He wasn’t even bigger, really. Something just...happened as soon as a person could see 30 closer than 20. Steve had first noticed it with Robin, because they spent the most time together. Obviously that crush had been snuffed out with her gentle coming-out to him years ago, but Steve still had eyes in his head. Robin aged really well. Steve had begun to wonder if he was aging nearly as gracefully.

Billy, that bastard, strolled right up to him with a freaking mustache of all things, invited them to lunch the next day - where he had switched to clean shaven - and now sat on his couch in his newly built apartment complex with a sweating, rattled Steve. He had neatly pulled him aside before the three of them parted the restaurant to invite Steve over for drinks that evening.

Steve was unprepared for the sculpted scruff on the man’s face now. He’d never seen a guy switch facial hair styles like he was changing shirts. Frankly, he didn’t know anybody who could just grow it that easily.

Steve gulped loudly around his whiskey sour.

It was Billy’s turn to laugh under his breath. “You okay? You never answered me.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, a little out of breath. “I’m just...reeling, here. I think the last conversation we had involved a fist fight.”

Billy laughed again and Steve’s eyes trailed over the shirt fitting perfectly around his built shoulders. Maybe Billy is bigger. In like a...domestic sort of way. Like he still had all his muscle but didn’t throw a fit over a bowl of pasta. Steve is still taller. Steve still had that, at least, but he sure felt like his second puberty hadn’t graced him yet.

Billy was talking. Pay attention, Steve.

Something about Robin. Steve replied, and hoped he was answering close to whatever Billy had said, “Robin teaches there and some of her students were in the exhibition. It’s an art nerd thing. Everybody’s involved, even if it’s not your subject.”

Steve couldn’t tell if the pause was Billy processing or if Steve had been completely off the mark. Deflect. Reroute! his brain told him, so he asked, “Did we ever ask how you knew about the gallery?”

“Max goes to school there.”

“Oh,” Steve chirped bluntly. “Small world.”

Billy hummed a sound low in his chest. Something vibrated inside Steve and he closed his eyes in a hard blink, grasping at flimsy straws for composure. Billy finished, “I was in the area. Definitely a pleasant surprise to see your familiar face.”

“My Lego head?” Steve gestured vaguely at himself. “I guess this block always did stand out.”

Billy huffed a surprised sound, like he hadn’t expected that, but he let it tumble into easy laughter. “You look good. I never saw you with short hair.”

His fingers pushed the arching swoop of Steve’s fringe behind his ear. The briefest touch across his temple finishing on his neck...

I’m going to have a heart attack.

“Thanks. That goes for the both of us.”

Just like he almost missed never snatching a chance with high school Billy, Steve only kinda missed never getting his hands on that mullet. Only to know how soft that hair actually was. Not like Billy needed it, of course. Truly absurd, how he rocked any hair situation on his head that wasn’t shaped like a Lego person’s.

Steve finished his whiskey in the next gulp.

He could feel Billy’s laser blue eyes notice this, and then he stood from the couch. “I’m getting us some waters.”

“Okay,” Steve chimed dumbly. Feeling dumb.

Jesus Christ, it’s Scoops all over again. You suck. You suck-

“Poseidon liked a twink too, you nimrod,” Robin had teased back. “His name was Anteros.”

“And he dies too, right?”

“Nope. He’s basically Poseidon’s husband and chauffeur.”

“Aw. Good for Daddy P.”

Billy returned. “Are you one of these people who likes seltzers?”

Steve blindly took the can while his thoughts slammed mutinously into, Daddy B. B is kinda cute. Shorter-

“Thanks-

Billy.

-daddy.”

Steve opened the can before it sank in what he’d just said. Carbonation gently kissed his skin as he held the can to his lips but didn’t drink. Some may or may not have landed in his lap before he lowered it to see Billy’s unreadable face.

“Oh my god.” Steve rushed to place the can on the coffee table and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“Did you...?”

“Don’t say it,” he pleaded, removing a hand as if to physically defend against the words in the air.

“Steve-”

His words came muffled from where he hid inside his hands. “Oh my god. I’m gonna throw up.”

He stood up - to go where, he didn’t really know. Probably best to just leave at this point. Way to choke. Way to absolutely choke, Harrington. You don’t even know if Billy’s bi and you just deep-dived into WEIRD-

“I’m really sorry,” he rushed as he stepped around the coffee table.

“Steve.” Billy gripped his arm and pulled right back onto the couch as if it were easy. Steve more than landed in his spot, he landed flush against Billy. His thigh felt Billy’s warmth, and his lips stayed parted to keep breathing when he realized how close their faces were. 

Billy this close was something else, and Steve didn’t have the brain power to navigate it.

“Say it again.”

So it took him a long minute to absorb that. Was he seeing stars? So much for breathing.

“Huh?”

Steve’s lashes sagged heavily over his eyes when Billy leaned tantalizingly close. Either of them could stick their tongues out and taste the other’s lips.

Don’t, he commanded his mutinous subconscious.

“Say it again, Steve.”

He wondered which was louder: his thunderous heart or the racket in his brain trying to turn rusty gears. He whispered against Billy’s skin, “I didn’t mean to say it.”

A hand, gentle but there, found Steve’s nape. “I’m telling you to say it on purpose.”

Was he making fun of him? Steve couldn’t tell. He hadn’t spent more than a handful of hours with him. But his voice made that thing in Steve’s body vibrate and his brain had officially declared itself a lost cause.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Steve closed the gap - tiny as it was - and involuntarily moaned at the softness of Billy’s lips. The hand on his nape tightened and another came to hold the front of his throat; not pressing against his windpipe, but Billy’s fingertips held Steve’s jaw in place and his palm surely felt the drumming of Steve’s heart.

Steve’s tongue couldn’t help itself. He touched the plush skin of Billy’s upper lip, ever so lightly-

Billy groaned, wanton and hungry as he pushed entirely into Steve’s personal space. The latter gasped at the sound, and then he really did see stars as Billy’s tongue fucked against his own. He tasted sour and sweet and the citrus mixed with Billy’s natural taste in such a way that Steve tilted his head for more, pushed right back into Billy’s space.

Steve’s body rotated enough that his knee bumped into Billy’s. Then Billy was gripping that joint hard enough to bruise so that he could pull Steve all the way around to straddle him. Steve clumsily climbed onto his lap, grateful for the influx of air as Billy planted wet kisses and pressed his tongue into Steve’s pulse. He didn’t really know what the boundaries were anymore. This was explosive and sudden and Steve sat, unsure, higher up on Billy’s thighs-

“Ahh!” he burst when Billy gripped his hips and yanked his pelvis flush against him. Steve’s moan clipped short into a small ache of pain. The way his jeans tightened with the stretch of his thighs crimped into his already throbbing erection.

Billy opened his jeans. Steve’s voice escaped with his gasp when the colder backs of his fingers touched his belly as he dipped into Steve’s underwear. He stood up on his knees to give Billy the room to free his erection, and Steve couldn’t help the moan that exhaled out of him when he sat back down, feeling Billy’s soft shirt against his red cockhead.

Steve shivered as Billy’s hands slid up and around his body, mapping out Steve’s topography and shoving his shirt as high as Steve’s collarbones. Steve felt like a lewd wet dream: an exposed, panting mess on Billy’s lap. His heart ricocheted around his ribs with the sharp tickle of stubble, and he whimpered as it scraped over his nipple and chest.

“Your shirt,” he heaved, knowing he was dripping precum. “Billy-”

“Call me what you did before.” He reached into the back of Steve’s jeans and gripped a handful of his ass that had Steve lurching forward and bucking into the softness of that shirt and tummy, the warmth of Billy’s body. Steve whined when Billy held him down, unable to move.

“Say it. Whatever you want. Just say it for me.”

Steve bought a little time by kissing him, hard. Hard enough to make Billy lie back into the couch, his head tilted up to moan into Steve’s mouth. Steve’s lips nuzzled the side of his lips and began an exploratory trail across Billy’s cheek and jaw, down to his throat.

“I just...wanna feel all of this on me. I wanna feel your beard so much I’ll still feel it tomorrow... Daddy.”

Steve’s voice pitched to the ceiling when a hand gripped his hair. Billy’s other hand released his ass cheek to push encouragingly on Steve’s lumbar the same time he drew Steve’s earlobe into his mouth. Steve gripped the couch upholstery behind Billy’s shoulders as he bucked against him, rutting like a teenager. Billy’s own jaw fell for his moan to escape when Steve’s ass and backs of his thighs moved over his own cock trapped in his pants.

Steve tried to slow down a little, to rub against him without making the fabric chaff. “Daddy, what do want?”

If he didn’t feel Billy’s heartbeat before, he sure as hell did now. Steve felt it against his hands as he sought to know the contours of Billy’s shoulders and chest. He watched Billy’s swallow through the gorgeous neck that lay open to him as Billy gazed up at him. One of his hands traced the gently twitching artery on the side. Steve began to pepper slow, audible kisses against his face. When he landed on Billy’s lips, Billy kissed back, and when he wandered all the way up to Billy’s temple, Billy let him. Only his hands moved sluggishly between Steve’s thighs and his waist, seeking skin underneath his shirt.

Steve came back down to whisper against Billy’s lips, “Daddy?”

It was a blur of movement punctuated by Steve’s surprised yelp of glee as Billy threw him onto his back on the couch. Billy kissed the laughter out of his flushed, red throat, growling in satisfaction at how those bubbles of mirth sank into breathy moans.

“I’ve wanted you for years, pretty boy.”

Steve’s brain didn’t absorb that so much as his body did. Pinballs of emotion and sensation darted to and from his groin. He lifted his leg to rest across the back of the couch and to give Billy access to whatever he wanted.

Strong hands moved carefully - fondly - over Steve’s thighs. A stuttering breath left him when Billy clutched the backs of his legs. A sweet ache to have the muscle squeezed there.

“Don’t hold back on me now, baby,” Billy taunted, pressing his hands into the couch on either side of Steve and aligning his bulge with Steve’s hole and undercarriage still inside his jeans. “Let me hear you.”

Steve’s other leg wrapped around him and he lifted his pelvis to grind against Billy’s front. Billy’s bravado melted into an anguished, blissed-out frown as he shut his eyes against the sensation. When he opened them, Steve held his cock in hand, pumping himself in time with his pelvis rolling up to meet Billy.

It was sloppy and desperate and Steve didn’t think he ever did this even as a teenager. It had all been a small town rush to get hands or mouths on skin and get rid of the stigmatizing V-card. Except when Steve was in love, and allowed to take his time...

Steve didn’t know if he was in love now. But as another wave of ticklish warmth darted through him, Steve laughed a little.

“What?” Billy asked, not unlike the first time.

“I just...I just like this, that’s all,” Steve admitted. “You feel good. You smell good. Ahh! I’m close.”

“Let me see you, baby. Let me taste the mess you make.”

That didn’t so much as nudge Steve off the cliff as it drop kicked him into his orgasm.

“Hahh! Daddy, I’m there! I’m there...”

The mind-halting knot of sensation burst inside him with a force that let Steve not even care that he craned his face toward the arm of the couch, moaning and splashing his hair over the upholstery like a romance novel cover.

He realized somewhere in the middle that Billy had grasped his cock and was the reason his climax kept going. Milking little dribbles of cum out of him. Steve hadn’t cum like this in years, and he lay riveted to Billy hastening his rhythm to chase his own cliff edge.

The furrowed brows of concentration on Billy’s face were wiped off by Steve gripping his shirt and yanking him down for Steve to taste him, to plunder his mouth and feel that soft material against his own bare, messy torso. 

Billy shuddered and pushed, pushed against Steve like he meant to bury his cockhead inside as he came. The visual sent an aching thrill into Steve’s core, knowing how Billy looked when he came and knowing that he’d cum inside. It made Steve eager to feel the pressure of his thrusts and the aftershocks when he pulled out to repeat it all again.

Steve had just cum like a seventeen year old and wanted to go all the way, with Billy’s hands all over his backside and his scruff against Steve’s ass cheeks-

Billy’s hand brushed over his hair and eased around to cradle his head. “What are you thinking behind those big eyes?”

Steve blinked drunkenly up at him even though it certainly wasn’t whiskey giving him this high. “My eyes?”

“Mmhm,” Billy hummed through lips pressing into a content smile. He hovered over his elbows, still framing Steve in but not crowding him. Fingertips pressed little swirls over his scalp, drifting around his ear. “I like your big, doe eyes.”

No one ever commented on his eyes. His hair, obviously. His butt. His shoulders. His moles. Billy gazed down at him, searching through Steve’s thoughts. The way he always had, really.

“Thinkin’ about you creaming me instead of your pants.”

Billy turned his head to the side so he didn’t laugh directly in Steve’s face. “Only if I’m not dreaming this time.”

This time.

God, Steve liked what that implied.

His arms came around Billy’s shoulders, loving the broadness and weight of the man on top of him. He kissed him softly, bumping his nose against Billy’s and eliciting a groan while Billy tilted his head and deepened the kiss.

“Again,” he begged through the kiss. “I want you again, Daddy.”

[heyheshi]

Episode

2k words

written and uploaded: August 13, 2020

🦋 - fluff

🌙 - angst...?

💎 - mention of smut...?

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!

This is supposed to be a blurb but oh well! And please please REBLOG! I want to get my works out there and likes isn't doing anything. And don't be a ghost reader that doesn't even like my post. By next month, I'll be blocking ghost and silent readers (doesn't reblog). Hope you understand!

Masterlist

_________

"Baby pay attention to meee!", Harry plopped down beside you on your shared bed, "what're you doing anyway?", putting his head on your shoulder as he squints his eyes.

You turned your head a bit and pecked his nose, "told ya I was gonna play Episode! Just bought these gems and tickets.", looking back to your phone, you made your choice - Kiss Max.

"That awfully looks like you.", H murmured, still not taking his head off your shoulders.

You've been playing this game since the lockdown started. Weird? Probably. For an adult like you who's dating the Harry Styles, yes. In your defense, it's a fun game. It does get boring on some days and the domestic stuff gets tiring so you play this game to relax a bit.

And no, Harry is not boring, he just happened to have a life and a hobby - unlike you and when he's working out or writing, you're stuck with whatever it is that can occupy you and so you found this game!

"I know! It's so cool cause I really feel like I'm in this game!", you continued to read the lines on your phone screen not paying attention to your boyfriend, "look!"

"Stop making out with that avatar!", Harry playfully said as he lays down to bed.

"I made a premium choice so...", you shrugs, "and isn't he just cute??!", you felt Harry put his hands on your waist and tried to drag you down beside him but you didn't budge.

H answered you in a monotone voice, "Yea sure.", putting both of his hand at the back of his head then closing his eyes.

"C'mon! Don't be rude! I designed him!"

Opening his left eye, "well sorry to break it to you but you can't design a real life boyfriend."

"Thank god I play this game then, ain't it?", you jokingly responded but it seems like your boyfriend is a grumpy baby today, only answering you with 'whatever'.

"Stop that!", hitting your boyfriend's tummy playfully, "I can style you anyways Mister Harry Styles, so I'm good.", you continued, emphasizing his surname.

"I think I'm gonna go grab some snack downstairs.", your boyfriend quickly get out of your bed and walked out of your room leaving you dumbfounded.

'Whatever', your mind subconsciously screamed so you just went back to your game, getting comfortable sitting with your back against the headboard. 

This is not the first time it happened, there are some days when Harry is a complete 180, but hey, everyone has a bad day and he's not an exemption.

Shaking your head as if to clear your head, you went back to your game. You realized that you just started a new chapter yet your boyfriend hasn't made his appearance back.

Making a mental note of checking on him after this chapter, you continued your game until he walked in your room again holding a bag of chips and a bottle of water.

Patting the space beside you, "Whatcha got in there, baby?", already knowing the answer, you asked anyway.

He only raised the food on his hands and made his way beside you. He did not say a word, only stared at the blank wall in front of him as he started eating his chips.

"Can you feed me some?", you tried to coo your boyfriend but he only passed you the bag, still not paying attention to you.

Feeling defeated and annoyed, you rolled your eyes and ignored your boyfriend as you finished the chapter you are playing.

"Kissy!", you made a grabby hands at Harry as you jutted your bottom lips only for you to get ignored, once again. "What's up with you?", you turned off your game and looked at him with pointed eyes.

"Oh so now you paying attention to me. Nice."

"Wha- are you, you know, horny...? Is that it...?", you tried to tickle him but still no nothing.

"Can you let me eat my chips at peace? Why won't you go back to that game of yours."

"What? No. I'm asking you a question Harry.", your patience is wearing off and your boyfriend is clearly the reason. Everything is so peachy.

Finally looking at you, he answered sarcastically, "I was asking for your affection earlier but you didn't pay attention."

"What the hell H!", rubbing your face until something clicked, "oh no! Oh no!", you started laughing while Harry looked at you like you're a lunatic of some sort.

"What now?"

"Oh no! No no no no no!", the pissed off face of your boyfriend did not help but to make you laugh harder to the point where your stomach starts hurting.

"Y/N stop that!", H whined, stuffing his face with chips.

"Wait!", trying to calm down, "I think I know what's up with you...", getting a pillow and hugging it and sitting up straighter, you continued, "are you... jealous?"

Harry mimicked you, sitting up straight, "I am not jealous.", eating more of the chips as he looks at you dead in the eyes.

"Oh baby, you are so jealous!", you continued to tease your boyfriend, poking his body multiple times.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are! I know you!"

H put his chips on his bedside table and cleaned his hand with a rubbing alcohol then facing you again, "no. I'm not even laughing!", looking at your eyes again, trying to make a point.

"If it was other people, maybe you would've fooled them, but not me! I know that look! And that eyes! Just admit it! You're jealous Harry!", the look on your boyfriends face made you stop laughing.

"Fine! What if I am?"

You take a hold of his hands, "baby, you can't seriously be jealous over a fictional character...", you tried to hold on your laughs for the sake of Harry.

"It's not that!", H removed his hands from yours and laid down.

"Then what is it? Tell me, please.", you removed the pillow on your thighs as you maneuver near his head and put it on your thighs instead.

You waited for an answer but received none. 

"Baby it's just an avatar...", running your right hand thru his hair then pecked his nose.

"I know. God, I know! I'm just being stupid, forget it.", he hides his face on your legs but it's too late, you already saw the redness on his face.

"Tell me please, baby."

Harry answered you with inaudible voice so you his head on a place where you can see his face and hear him properly, "come again H?"

"I said I wasn't jealous of that stupid avatar, I-", you looked at him accusingly and he sighed, "okay, fine! Was jealous of the avatar and the game. Just wanted your loving but you weren't paying attention to me and it made me realize that any guy can have your attention. I mean that avatar got you hooked already! And that's only a game... what if it's a real guy? Someone who'll be with you all the time and not someone who's on the other side of the world half of the time?"

"Oh love...", you pulled his body up as a sign for him to sit down and he did, "first of all I'm sorry for ignoring you, it won't happen again, I promise.", you kissed his left cheek twice and continued, "second, there will be no other guy! You understand me, H?", cupping his face with your hands so he'll look at you in the eyes.

"But you're probably bored that's why yo-"

"You, stop that. I would choose you every time, okay? Even with the premium choices in the game! I love you, and only you and there will be no other guy, okay?", you explained to him but his face still looks sad.

"I love you, you know that, right Harry?"

"I do and I'm so honored that you do and I love you too Y/N."

"See! There's nothing else to worry about, yeah?", you can see his smile trying to creep back, "now, kissy? Pleaseee!"

Finally, your boyfriend kissed you, pinning you close to his body and taking you both down to the bed. The kiss is soft, slow and sweet until you decided to break it.

Harry whined, "what now?"

"I can start a new story on Episode and make an avatar look like you! Or you can install it too and get a revenge? Or i don't know make it look like me?", you offered as you sit up again.

"How about you delete it and play with your real boyfriend? Hmmm? Sounds good?"

It sounds like a good deal, great deal. Spectacular actually, "but I just bought those gems and all..."

"Fine, but you're playing it with me. I can't have you kissing other guys even if it's fictional!"

You bopped his nose with your pointer finger, "okay deal! But only if you gave me some of your chips!", you reached across him to his bedside table for the bag only to find it empty.

"Uh oh..."

You straddled your boyfriend, "yes. Uh oh your self, Styles."

"Hmmm, are you trying to seduce me, future Missus Styles?", Harry raised his left eyebrow at you, also sitting up.

"What?"

"What what?", Harry chuckled.

"Yo- you just... you called me..."

"I did.", he said coolly.

You started playing with your fingers out of nervousness, "what do you me-"

"Marry me."

"What?", you alarmingly looked up to him only to see him getting something on his drawer on bedside table.

Pulling up a small square dark blue velvet box, Harry slowly opened it, "I know this isn't the most ideal proposal but I couldn't wait any longer. I had this ring for months now, waiting for the right time to give it to you. I was planning on doing one of those Pinterest worthy proposals like I saw on your board so I'm sorry to disappoint..."

You're crying at this point, "no, no no..."

Harry started closing the box at your answer.

"NO! Stop!", you hold Harry's hand to stop him from closing the box, "what I mean is, this is perfect, I- I don't need those Pinterest like proposal..."

"So are you saying...?"

"Yes! Yes yes! I'll marry you! Oh my God I'm deleting my Episode right now!", you started to remove your body from his but his big hands prevented you from doing so.

"We'll I'm glad that you're deleting it but...", Harry got the ring out of the box and took your left hand, slowly sliding it on your ring finger.

"It's beautiful. Gorgeous.", you looked into each other's eyes that's full of tears, smiling then meeting each other's lips.

You pulled away, out of breath. 

"So you're marrying me now.", Harry concluded.

"Did you just asked me to marry you cause you're jealous?", you poked fun at your now fiancé.

"I'm not answering that.", he took your phone from the bed and unlocked it, "are you sure you want to delete this?"

You nodded, "do the honors baby.", you smiled at him as he did so then kissing him again once the app was removed from your phone.

"I love you."

"I love you more H. I'm gonna pamper you tomorrow, promise. We'll do face masks and everything but for now, I think we need to... celebrate!", you winked at him while slowly pushing him down the bed, which is an easy task since you're still straddling him.

"We definitely do.", with that, Harry flipped the both of you so you're under him and hid yourself under the thick blankets on the bed.

You can guess what happened next. Let's just say that Harry kept you pretty well preoccupied for the next few hours until it was time for dinner.

And after the dinner, he made sure that both of your desserts are well served - if you know what I mean.

Who would have thought that Harry will propose to you at this day when he was just grumpy earlier? But oh, you're not complaining.

_____

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Of Ice and Blood

Part 5

Look who's back with a 5k+ word count chapter?! Me!

I was planning on posting 1k+ at a time but stuff happened and I'm posting it all at once!

Enjoy and I'd appreciate it dearly if you reblog! Thank you!

Edit: Reached the 250 block limit so... The inevitable decision had to be made! Part 5 has a total of 3.42k words! The rest will be in a separate post <3

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, brief mentions of blood and injury.

Overall SFW (but 16+ for language)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 Part 6

*

The walk back to the school building was quiet.

Or so I thought.

Because it wasn't. At all.

Whispers, mutterings, echoed from the rooms as we passed by.

Are they doing it on purpose, or is my hearing sharper than usual?

"Hey look it's that girl."

"You mean the freak who sat beside the orc—"

"First day of school and someone already got killed. Should've expected him to be a savage."

"You think she wears a mask to hide her identity? Maybe she's a criminal-"

Probably the latter.

I shrugged. There stood a decent amount of distance between us anyway. So it's likely my hearing.

Students were watching us with weird suspecting eyes from a distance behind the windows. Sensing apprehension and outward hate when they saw Tai'chi next to me, his face in a neutral expression. But with my nose at this proximity, he smells pretty annoyed.

Just— why are there so many people,— humans–garnering these feelings towards someone they don't even know! And to even mock him like that! How dare —

"Pearl," Tai'chi called. His rich voice resonating, making the gossips of the students stop for a brief moment before they continued. Most likely slandering my name now. I didn't know I was standing still. Looking up, Tai'chi was a decent 9 meters away, with the staff members further ahead of him. He gave me a wondering look, worry along with his natural fragrance, drifted through me, carried by air.

I straightened up and took long strides, Tai'chi beside me, to catch up with them.

"Yeah, just thinking. I'm okay." Replying, not looking up to him. He didn't ask, but I felt like he would.

************short pov shift************

He was a bit bothered by the change in your scent and looked back when he noticed you weren't beside him anymore. There you were, standing in the middle of the wide hallway, brows scrunched up in aggravation.

He called out to you, probably a little louder than he meant to, but you looked up and hastily made your way beside him, both of you catching up to the rest towards the dean's office. He didn't ask, but you answered, only making him worry even more.

**********first person pov**************

As soon as we entered the main office of the center building, we were greeted with the sight of the dean and David, together with Miss Holson. He was a white fat man, though a bit taller than me, wearing a light grey suit with a few buttons open revealing a white undershirt, and a silly yellow, violet polka dot tie. I barely held back from snorting at the sight.

Mr. Silverstone was fussing over his son, his voice raised in slight panic was heard by everyone.

They went ahead of us then.

"My son! My dear, dear David! Who did this to you?!" he cried out. Once David, that son of a bitch, spotted me, he flashed me that blasted grin of his. He was acting, pretending to be hurt.

I hardly even left a scratch on him for fuck's sake. How I regret not punching him straight in the face.

Reverting to his fake, frightened, and miserable state, he pointed at me. "I-I-It's her father! She is the one who attacked me! Along with that thing with her."

Thing?! That sick bastard!

The dean whipped his head in my direction, eyes scanning me up and down before he diverted them to Tai'chi.

Well, it seems I'll ve packing up sooner than I thought.

My shoulders sagged.

Some professors were alarmed by this, frantically pushing forward to grab his attention.

"Mr. Silverstone, we still do not know what's for certain. We must interrogate them properly and listen to each of their sides before we make a decision." Mr. Dulrik asserted, his voice strained and close to animosity. He was not pleased with what the student had said.

The elder professor from earlier followed up.

"Listen to Mr. Dulrik, sir. We cannot take any risks and ju—"

"Silence!" the dean shouted. "I will not hear your reasoning. My son has told me everything I need to know. Miss Holson supported his claims and that's enough to decide what to do with these criminals."

Criminals?!

"The girl and that orc shall be expelled from this institution immediately. We do not need any murderers or barbarians here. I have always suspected why that Ernestine brat even allowed these monstrosities to be with us. To breathe the same air and walk the same land as we do, endangering our safety no less! A pathetic excuse of a founder she is! If it were me I would've—"

"You would've what?" Words came out before I stopped myself, my voice low, but it was heard still, drawing their attention to me.

"What did you just say?" He demanded, his anger slipping out more. The room was silent, except for the subtle ticking of the wall clock behind me, and the movement of air around us.

I lifted my head and looked at him dead in the eye. "You would've what?" This time, I replied, louder.

Before he could retort I went on, emotion fueling my words as I advanced with every question asked.

"Would've banned every single, non-human race from the university?

"Would've taught every human that they are greater beings and the ones that were different were meant to be stepped on?

"Would've ordered and tolerated bullying on anyone who was unnatural and weird looking?

"Would've put them in their place?

Isolate them? Degrade them? Despise them for being alive?" No-one stopped me as I approached him, the teachers separating and making way. Even Mr. Dulrik was regarding me curiously.

I scoffed. " 'If it were me' you said. You think I wouldn't notice how everyone else, that isn't human, was oppressed and treated like shit in this school? It seems to me that you already did what you would've done, didn't you? You are no dean, you are a clown, a pillock, a dumbass, and you call yourself human? You are more monster than any of us in this room."

I breathed heavily as I stood a couple of feet in front of him. His face grew to a crimson hue, my ears catching the sound of smoke seething out of him. At the back, David and Miss Holson were dumbfounded, shocked into place, shaken like ugly statues.

Finally, the dean spoke, his fists clenching hard as he faced me, almost drawing blood.

I am so gonna beat him up. Hell yeah, I will.

"Keep out of trouble if you can." Well, shit happened Mama, forgive me.

"How dare you speak to me like that! I, a pure-blood Silverstone, a line of royalty! If we were still at war I would've had you executed from where you stand—"

"How about you do it yourself then, oh mighty Silverstone jerk?" I mocked and gave a toothy smile, then I remembered he wouldn't see it. That was all it took to have him launching himself at me, the professors running to the sides to avoid his wrath.

His hands were balled tight, a fist aiming for my face, eyes filled with deadly intent.

Oh, he really wants to kill me.

Before it connected, I sidestepped, causing him to stumble forward. Even so, he immediately regained his balance and reached to grab my hoodie. I didn't dodge this time, but before he touched me, I used my right hand to slap it away. With my other hand, fitted with my crimson knuckle dusters, I met his fist with mine. Almost instantly, he stumbled back and crouched down, his left hand holding his bloodied one.

"You bitch!!!" he screamed in agony.

I think I broke his hand.

I glanced to my brass knuckles, some of the blood covering them, merely visible because of its color.

Shattered it perhaps.

"I will have you killed you insolent brat! I'll kill you!" he cursed.

"Now, now, Silverstone, you will do no such thing." A feminine voice cut through the large room. We all turned to the door to see a slim, tall, tanned woman who seemed to be in her 40s, her slightly wrinkled face showing it. She was wearing a black high-waist pencil skirt paired with a black one-button suit and a baby blue undershirt. The lady also wore classic white loafers and white hand gloves made of leather, with her ebony hair tied up in a bun.

Everything about her screams 'important'. I scented an intimidating yet reassuring aura around her.

I met her eyes and a sense of familiarity fell upon me. I know her and I've seen her before.

Wait. Could it be— she's—

"Madame Ernestine!" A professor exclaimed.

That means she's, "The founder," I said out loud.

She began sauntering in my direction, each step clicking on the floor, carrying herself with grace.

"M-Ma-Madame Ernestine!" The dean, shrieked as he stood up, shaking, his busted hand in his chest, his back facing me. "I didn't expect you to visit this year! We could've prepared for your arrival—"

"You shut your mouth now Welmir." She spoke out, her voice firm and borderline hostile. "I've had enough of your blabbering mug. I made it so that my arrival is unexpected. Leaving my outside duties rather early and rushed this year when news got to me that you, the dean, were neglecting your duties, or so, doing it wrong. Not to mention I had my assistant install extra cameras in... certain places last year and because of that, I saw what you did in the shadows. Maybe not all, but it confirmed my suspicions of you, and so," She clapped her together, "I decided to visit you today. And what a surprise it was to see you get beaten up by this lovely young lady behind you."

Me?! Lovely—

My face warmed from her comment.

"Listen here, brat." he regarded the founder. The founder. "I do not know what you are talking about. I have done my duties and more for this university. I made it so that everyone here is safe and this girl,"— he spat— "harmed me, my precious son, and his friends!"

"And all of you deserved it, severely," she responded flatly. "You put my dear students at risk and antagonized them with your schemes, tolerating the behavior of treating other races like animals, disrespecting even the professors who are different in kind," she glanced at Mr. Dulrik and the others. "You even forced a minotaur, an elf, and a dwarven student to act the part of being in a student council, hoping people wouldn't notice the crimes you did behind our backs. Did you expect me to turn blind eye to this?"

It was all pretend?!

The mere thought of what he did to threaten them to it makes me wanna puke.

"I am furious, Welmir Silverstone. To think I believed you'd change your ways after my father's death with the renovation of the institute. Trusted you to do your job as dean and make the students comfortable, welcomed. But, no. You chose to follow his footsteps, became selfish, blinded by greed and pointless hate. You are a disappointment to all of us."

I smelled her rage under that near non-expressive facade of hers. It was spicy, like fire having an odor of its own.

"You are but a child! You know nothing of this world! This world of ours needs to be purged off of those rats. You cannot tell me what to do!" He yelled as he brought up his uninjured hand to hit her. I was about to step in when Madame Ernestine grabbed his arm and threw a right uppercut, blood spilling out of his jaw. The punch sent him a few steps back, he would have landed on me if I didn't move out of the way before he collapsed on the floor groaning and holding his mouth.

Ooh she's strong! Nice! I grinned.

"You are hereby stripped off of your job as dean along with all of your titles, properties, and henceforth banished from these grounds, together with your son and Emma Holson, whom I found out laid with him, and the abusive acts they had engaged in." Her words laced with poison, disgust and anger as she gave the final judgement.

"Never show yourselves. Ever. Again," she spat. "Take them away."

Out of nowhere, men in black suits came in and apprehended the young instructor, who twisted her heel trying to escape. She yelled at them to let her go, saying she has done nothing wrong. David, the bastard, was held in place by one of them as he struggled in their grasp. The dean— or should I say, Mr. Silverstone, in pain and bleeding, was dragged up by two others and headed straight out of the door. He shouted ;

"Mark my words, brat! I will—"

And the door slammed close.

With my gaze following them, my eyes landed on Tai'chi. I took off my dusters and waved, tucking them back up my sleeve.

He is smiling! And oh wow he's damn gorgeous— wait what?

My attention was drawn away to the lady in front of me. I got distracted by Tai'chi that I almost forgot about her.

"Oh my God I uhm— hello Madame Ernestine." I took one step back before bowing. "It's an honor to meet you. I—"

"Oh dear, please raise your head. No need for such formal gestures. I am Valerie Ernestine, founder of the new Ernestine State University." She stated as she beamed at me.

"I uh- Yes ma'am I know of you. I'm quite a fan actually— I mean! My name is Pearl Blackbell, ma'am."

Oh God, that sounded so stupid.

Then she hugged me.

"Ma'am?!" I squeaked. My arms went stiff, nervous to even touch her. Before I could, she pulled back, a gentle expression on her face.

"Nice to meet you, Pearl Blackbell."

"I- nice to meet you too Ma'am Ernestine!" I stammered, praying my face and ears isn't as red as I feel them to be.

"Please, call me Valerie."

"Ma'am Valerie."

"Just Valerie, dear."

"I'm so sorry ma'am but I can't— my mother will hit me in the head with a frying pan if I forget my manners."

"Very well, then. It brings me joy that you were raised properly by your parents."

"Thank you ma'am, I really am happy to have them, and I only hope for them to be proud of me— oh wait. Uh, ma'am Valerie?"

"Yes?"

"Am I gonna get punished or expelled?" I shrunk, expecting the worst.

"Why ever did you think of that?"

"W-Well you see, I did harm uh, students and they're probably in the infirmary right now and—"

"Oh, Pearl, no." She let out a light chuckle. "You won't be punished or even expelled for that! In fact, I saw how you defended yourself and your friend from them. They did attack you first, sweetie. And what you did was impressive!" She clapped her hands. As I stood there in relief, I couldn't help but shot up when the words sank in.

"Oh, thank you. But how...?"

"Apparently, I had my assistant install some cameras in the forest area for particular reasons. I watched you from the monitor as I made my way here," she replied.

"Oh. Oh, wow. That's actually pretty awesome," I sighed.

"Indeed, it is," she smiled. "Excuse me for a bit."

******pov shift to 2nd person (two characters)*****

Madame Ernestine turned and walked towards the remaining teachers to talk about important matters at hand.

"Greetings, my friends." She beamed at the staff and looked at Professor Dulrik and the woman who supported him earlier. "Hello, Roldo and Amila. I have missed you dearly." She bent down to hug the two of them before she went on. "I apologize for not taking action immediately. To think he did this to all of you right under my nose! Why didn't you contact me Roldo?"

"My apologies, Madame Ernestine. I didn't have any proof to show his plot against you and the others. He was very elusive and kept us very busy in our own offices for the past year with you away. That was until today, with the young lady over there standing up against his son, he snapped."

"It really is a good thing she came here, didn't she?" she whispered.

"Indeed, Madame," Amila replied.

There was a brief silence, before Valerie spoke up again. Her gaze locked at the dwarven professor.

"Roldo, my old friend, I want you to take your place as the new dean of this university. I trust you to do your duty a hundred percent better than that impudent man ever did. Will you accept this responsibility?"

"I- Valerie this is-"

"Roldo, you are wise and have seen things most of us here have not. I will not force you on something you do not want, but I put my faith in you, to help me, along with the rest of the staff, to teach everyone here that all of us stand in equal ground, and that we must respect and acknowledge each individual, regardless of their kind. No one, no student, should ever feel uncomfortable in this haven of mine."

"I understand, Valerie." The dwarf took a deep breath and vowed;

"I, Roldo Dulrik, son of Grol II, son of Frerin, accept the responsibilities given to me as dean of Ernestine State University. I will do my duty to the best of my abilities, and remain loyal to you and to this institution." He responded as he thumped his right fist against his chest.

"I know you will, my friend." Valerie grinned at him, her eyes full of trust and hope.

While they were occupied with discussing certain issues, you tried to sneak away, only to be called back by Madame Ernestine.

"Pearl, my dear."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Thank you."

She had a soft smile, emotions clear on her face, directed at you. The founder, Valerie was thanking you for your bravery, kindness and overall honesty. You simply nodded and grinned from ear to ear behind your mask. You were, however, suddenly nervous when Valerie and the two professors approached you. No, actually, all of them were, but the others are heading out of the office, perhaps to go back to their respective classrooms and start working, they gave their thanks as they went out.

"Pearl Blackbell, a wonderful name!" Professor Dulrik remarked. "May the Gods bless you and shine upon you in all your days," he grinned. Before you could reply, Professor Amila hugged you and whispered. "Thank you, for beating up those idiots," —which made you giggle— "It was the right thing to do, and also I had to defend myself. and thank you, Professor Dulrik."

"Nonsense, call me Professor Roldo, lass." He patted your shoulder as he went past you and out of the office, but not before he slapped Tai'chi's forearm.

"You best protect her if you can, lad. Even so, it is obvious she won't need protecting!" He laughed, and went on, quietly, as if whispering. "...Be her friend, my boy. Her eyes...they show the pain she had gone through. You saw that in her, didn't you?"

Tai'chi simply nodded in response. He knew what he meant.

"Then do what you must. If word ever comes to me that you hurt her, I will hunt you down with me battle axe hidden in my office, you hear?"

This time, he chuckled. "I hear you, Professor. I won't. I swear on the the name of my clan, no harm will befall on her." He told him, his voice firm and true.

"That's what I'm talking about, lad!" He replied as he finally exited the room.

Tai'chi shifted his gaze to you. You and the dean were still talking so he stood there, patiently.

"We best be on our way. We still have a number of things to set straight. We will see you around, Miss Blackbell. Don't get into trouble now." The founder giggled.

"I will try my best, ma'am."

"Oh sure you will, sweetie. Goodluck. And oh, the two of you should start going back. It's past lunchbreak afterall." She said as the two ladies sauntered past you and went out.

"Thank you, we will." You said, mostly to yourself.

**************************************

Part 6 will be posted shortly! Like, shortly shortly. Like, an hour or so shortly. Stay tuned! Thank you for reaching this point uwu✨

Tags: @crackinanutshell @kokokatsworld @mitchiesdungeon <3

[rpd-rookie]

Five Stages of Fatherhood - Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

Summary: Fatherhood can be wonderful but for Leon Kennedy, fatherhood is scary and he is not ready for it at all. How is he going to process your unexpected news?

Author’s note: I wanted to release this one-shot for Father's Day but it was far from being finished. But here it is. I was mainly inspired by the recent posts I saw on Tumblr. I hope I did Leon justice and that you'll love this story as much as I loved writing it. Don’t forget to like/reblog and give me your impression.

Tags: Angst; Fatherhood ; Depression; Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism ;Anxiety; Language 

Also Available on AO3

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

           They say those are the five stages of grief. Five stages you must overcome to be at peace with yourself. Five stages you must experience, however hard and painful they are, to find the strength to pull yourself back together and keep on living.       Leon knew those five stages all too well. He had experienced them more times than he could count through all those years fighting since the Raccoon City incident. They had paved his life, making him wonder why and if he would ever see an end to it all one day.   But what he didn’t know is that he was about to experience them again. But in a new unexpected way he would have never imagined.

1.    Denial

           I’m pregnant. Three simple words that made his simple life suddenly not so simple anymore, repeating and echoing in his head, making him feel like his whole world was suddenly crumbling around him, over him, burying him under rubbles of fear and uncertainty.       I’m pregnant. He didn’t just hear that. This was a dream, a hallucination due to sleep deprivation or a silly joke. It had to be. Because it couldn’t be real. This couldn’t happen to him. There was no way he had gotten you pregnant. Yes, you were fooling him. Right? … Right? He had a brief forced laugh, anxiety eating him up slowly. “Please tell me you’re joking.”             Pinned to his desk chair, he stared at you waiting for a silly answer or an amused grin. He obviously got neither of them and so he immediately froze, watching you frowning at him with a look that was way too grave and serious to his taste. “Do you really think I would joke about something like this?” Why not? Anything would be better than those three words being the truth. “How can that be so absurd to you that I might be pregnant?” Pregnant? He felt suddenly dizzy. No fucking way.

Mouth slightly opened, confused and petrified blue eyes fixed upon you, and a marble immobility. That’s all that remained of Leon as he searched for something to say, something to think, something to reassure himself with, something to tell him that this conversation, this moment, was not happening right now. 

Pregnant? Really? “I didn’t get you pregnant.” You stared at him in shock as he relentlessly shook his head. “I couldn’t. It’s not possible. I…” He cut himself off when he saw you looking away, huge tears suddenly flooding your usually joyful (colour) eyes.  

Clearly, that wasn’t the reaction you expected from him. But that’s all his brain could process at the moment, the only thing it could find to keep him afloat, to prevent him from drowning in panic. “There must be some sort of mistake. I can’t be a father. This is not happening.”         Leon was freaking out. He couldn’t deny it. The pounding of his heart in his chest was enough evidence. But years fighting BOWs had taught him not to show any ounce of panic even in the worst situations. So, mechanically, no emotion filtered through in voice, making it almost cold. Actually, it sounded so heartless it rooted you on the spot, unaware of what was going on right now in your boyfriend’s head and unable to understand that his weird reaction was just his reason trying to calm him down and help find a quick way-out before reaching an inevitable end. That inevitable end being Fatherhood.          

“What are you saying?” You dared ask, your face suddenly pale because of the terrible things he implied.   “I don’t want to be a father, Y/N.” He declared looking at you right in the eye. “I don’t want whatever you think is inside your womb right now.” You slumped in your chair, feeling speechless and shocked but most of all, insulted. Did he just call your child a ‘whatever’ and insinuated it wasn’t even there? Was he really denying everything? Saying you were wrong? “Take another test. I’m sure this must be some sort of mistake.”           You stared at him, bewildered and fighting to prevent your tears from falling as shock was slowly yet surely turning into sorrow and anger.    

2.    Anger

“There’s no mistake, Leon. A gynaecologist confirmed it. I’m three months pregnant! Fuck, do you really think I denied this pregnancy on purpose?” There was a sudden knot in your throat, strangling all your words. Leon shrugged. “Honestly, Y/N, I don’t get how someone cannot realize they’re pregnant.”             “Simple. Imagine your boyfriend almost dying in a bombing attack in DC, then pushing you out when you try to help him. Then one day, after an entire month watching him falling deeper and deeper into depression despite all your efforts to bring him comfort, you realise that he left without telling you where he’s going. After asking a few people, you learn that he’s decided to take some ‘vacation’ but you know all too well that this vacation of his is just him drowning himself in alcohol in some lousy hotel.” You spouted angrily, feeling all your hormones boiling inside of you. “And I guess you can also add his four weeks of radio silence and the worry you felt when you learn that he who you loved so freaking much was almost killed again in another bio-terrorist attack, this time in New York. I guess that’s a pretty good way to make you deny a pregnancy!”   “Oh, so this is my fault?!” He asked, almost shouting, thinking your were accusing him when in fact you were just accusing the horrible stress and the worry you had felt for the last ten weeks or so. “I’m the alcoholic bastard who knocked you up and you’re the poor lost innocent girl? That’s what you’re saying?”     “Do you even realise how hurtful you are? Do you really think that is what I want to hear right now?” You tried to block a sob, in vain and Leon sighed in exasperation as he briefly rolled his eyes. He won’t have your crocodile tears right now. “Don’t force me on a guilt trip, Y/N. Please.” He said, frozen stoicism making his features as strong and cold as marble. “Weren’t you on the pill, by the way?” He frowned, and a tear rolled down your cheek. You wiped it quickly. “You forgot it?”      

You tried to answer but you knew that the second you would talk it would unleash Leon’s anger and you were not ready to bear it. “For fuck’s sake, Y/N.” Leon gritted his teeth and glared while you instinctively braced yourselves, hands holding tightly at the armrest of your chair. “You only had one thing to think about! One!” He growled, a scolding finger pointed at your face. “Take a fucking pill!” “I may have forgotten once” You whispered almost inaudibly. “Oh, you forgot?” He scoffed before slamming his hand against the wooden desk as he brutally stood up making you jump in your chair. “And then she blames me for my depression. Fantastic.” You frowned. That’s not what you had meant. “Leon…”     “You’re as responsible as I am, Y/N. You may have not realised you were pregnant because of what I did but you are the one forgot to take a fucking pill. And, how could you forget? How could you screw my life, both our lives, like that?” Leon screamed as he walked in circles in his office, like a lion in a cage, except that he was lost. He was lost in fear, panic and anger. And he had no control over them. Hard to bear for someone usually so grounded. And that what was pissed him off the most in this situation. Not the news of your pregnancy but lack of control.      

“Do you really think I want to be a father at the moment? Or ever? Do you really think our lives or this world are fit to welcome a kid right now?” His voice trembled, powerful emotions finally getting the better of him. A child of his could not be born in such an unsafe dark world. A child could not be part of his messed up cataclysmic life. Family was not made for him. He couldn’t be the devoted agent he was, save the world from awful monsters and have a normal life waiting for him at home. Leon had come to that conclusion years ago. And he even had accepted it long before meeting you.   “No. But it’s there now. So please, let’s figure out what to do.” You begged, understanding his fear and yet still trying to reason with him.     “What do you want to figure out, Y/N? I told you I didn’t want to be a father. And I thought I made that pretty clear when we had the baby conversation at the beginning of our relationship.”       Crystal clear. No living together, no marriage, no children. So were the terms of your relationship. A sacrifice he had asked you to make if you truly wanted to be with him. And you had made it out of love for him. But there was someone else, someone else you loved as deeply as you loved Leon if not more.

“So what do I do?” You asked, lost, using the pronoun ‘I’ because you truly felt on your own right now. “Fuck, I don’t know, Y/N. I don’t fucking know.”

3.    Bargaining

           But you eventually made a choice, one Leon never saw coming. And all he got was a letter; a simple piece of paper to explain the sacrifice you had decided to make. A letter not even truly addressed to him that made him realise that words could indeed hurt more than actions because, had he had the choice, he would have taken a thousand knives in the heart over those hundreds painful tearstained words.

                       “My dear baby,

           As I write this to you, you’re barely the size of a peach, taking a small place in my womb but already a big one in my heart in a way I never thought humanly possible. If someone had told me that one day I would love someone that intensely, that unconditionally to a point I would sacrifice everything for them, even my own life, I would have laughed to their face. But here you are, not even born and yet making me take a decision I never believed I would take. Giving up on the man I love.                    Yes, it’s going to be just the two of us from now on. Mother and child building a life together. Not the perfect family portrait but it will be ours and it will be full of love and tenderness. And I hope you’ll like it despite its flaws.                   I wish I had given you a dad but fate decided otherwise. He decided otherwise. But please, don’t hate him for that. Your dad is an incredible man. A man I love and will always love. A man that will always be a part of me whatever I do. A man that offered me the chance to be a mother. But he is not ready to make a room for you in his heart the way I did.                  I guess he would have under other circumstances but you don’t need to know them just yet. What you need to know is that your dad is a hero and that heroes sacrifice themselves. Always. Remember him that way. As a selfless man who chose the safety of the world – the world you live in - over his own happiness, because he’s done too much good for you or me to hate him.                        But don’t worry, my baby. While Daddy is making the world a safer place, I am here to make it a loving one.

           I love you,

           Your mum.”

That letter stayed on his coffee table for days, lying there for him to read again and again, next to a bottle of fine old whisky Leon would empty one glass after another, one regret after another, begging God –even though he did not believed in him – to bring you back to him.

There’s nothing worse than regrets, nothing worse than sitting alone with yourself and wait for sorrow to finally drown you, nothing worse than being lost in a maze of ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ and knowing that you cannot change anything.

What if he had made an effort? What if he had reacted otherwise and not like an ass? What if he had told you he loved you? What if he had said it would be okay? What if he had simply accepted this baby? How is life would be right now?

And he imagined it. He imagined himself at home with you in his arms, hand over your belly, feeling his child kicking and rolling under his palm. He imagined your smile, your soft giggles. Your happiness. And it crushed him. It crushed him because he wasn’t able to imagine anything else. He could not imagine the dark world he knew all too well. He could not imagine the fear or the pain he always thought he would feel in this situation.

And with regrets came guilt.

If only he had made and effort. If only he had reacted otherwise and not like an ass. If only he had told you he loved you. If only he had said it would be okay. If only he had accepted your baby. His life would be so much better right now.

4.    Depression

But you were gone and with you all his hopes of future happiness. You had taken everything from him, leaving him alone, in the dark and purposeless, wandering in his fancy apartment with a new bottle of liquor each evening.

Leon knew depression. But this depression, the one he was experiencing right now, was the worst he had ever experienced. Because if you were gone, it was not because of a bullet, it was not because of a bomb or a BOW. It was because of him. It was entirely his fault. And he couldn’t even change it.

You would not see him, not even talk to him, despite all the messages left on your voicemail or the letters in which he apologized and begged you to come back, telling you if was ready to change and that he was ready to welcome this baby if it meant you'd be together again. And it destroyed him.

He became a mess and he eventually did what he did best. He left, finding refuge in an isolated part of America, a lost cottage in the mountains to drink his sorrow away in peace, somewhere where no one would judge him or find him.

He was wrong about the last part. As one day, after weeks and weeks of radio silence and isolation, an old friend came to knock at his door to kick his ass back to where he belonged. Guess there was no escaping Claire Redfield.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? The Leon I know would never sit there powerlessly and accept his fate that easily.” Leon would have sent anyone packing after a sentence like that one. But Claire wasn’t just anyone. He listened to her. “You want Y/N back? Then quit your bullshit, Leon, and go find her.” “She doesn’t want to talk to me, Claire.” She scoffed, taking his glass of whisky away from him and throwing the liquid away. “So what? You’re gonna stay here for the rest of your miserable life, drinking and crying, and concede defeat? That doesn’t sound like you.” He accepted her scolding, admitting she was right but he had lost the strength to fight.       “I know it’s hard, Leon. I do.” Her tone was suddenly so soft and comforting. “I know what it is to lose someone you love as deeply as you love Y/N. But you can still fix it.”   “How? She pushed me out of her life. She even moved out. She doesn’t want me anymore.” Claire sighed. “How naïve you are. She loves you. She wants you back. She really does but she doesn’t want you to accept this baby just because you feel like you don’t have a choice. She wants you to want it, truly want it.”

There was a silence, a moment of introspection in which Leon felt the fear and the anxiety rushing in his veins again, knotting his stomach tightly. “I’m not ready, Claire. I’m scared.” Tears misted up his tired blue eyes. “ I know. And it’s normal. But there’s a girl in a hospital out there who’s about to give birth to your child and she needs you, now more than ever.”

5.    Acceptance

           His head was dizzy, his hands were clammy and his legs were trembling. As Leon was following the nurse in the neonatology wing of the maternity hospital, dressed in a hospital uniform, he wondered if it was the smell of disinfectant or the fright he was feeling growing inside of him that was making him want to puke right now. Perhaps a little bit of both.     “It’s this way.” The nurse opened a door and waved him to join her by a small incubator in the middle of the room, a sweet smile on her face.

But Leon froze, completely petrified. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. All he could do was watching at his five pounds of fear sleeping few steps away from him. “Someone’s here to see you, little angel. It’s your daddy.”         Daddy? The word made Leon tremble and small tears appear in his eyes, tears that instantly grew bigger when the small creature finally moved its tiny arms. “Many fathers are afraid when they come here. But I assure you there’s nothing to fear. Your baby is fragile but you won’t hurt her, I promise.” Leon’s blue eyes met briefly the nurse before fixing themselves upon the face of the little thing lying in the incubator. “A daughter?”  He had a daughter? He was the father of a little girl? This tiny angel in a pink beanie right there?   He approached her, instinctively, wanting so badly to see her from up close. She was so beautiful and yet so tiny.

“Would you like to hold her?” Leon nodded, without thinking twice about it and the nurse made him sit down and remove the top of his hospital uniform, informing him that it would be better for his daughter to feel his skin since it was warmer and more reassuring than any fabric.    

That first contact felt weird but Leon was certain of one thing, he had never hold anything so minuscule, light and fragile in his entire life. It scared him for a second, afraid she would break, but the instinct to protect her was stronger than anything else. “I’ll leave you two alone. If you need anything I’m not far.” Leon didn’t notice the nurse leave, mesmerized by that piece of him nestled in his arms right against his naked chest, watching her with wonder and awe, barely believing that he had made this … that you both had made this. “You’re so perfect.” He whispered as he dared caress her soft tender rosy cheek. His skin felt so rough against hers that she grimaced slightly. “So pure.”

Her hands were so little, just like her feet. Leon touched her fingers, still impressed by their size and shivered when they suddenly grabbed his index. “Wow, how strong you are, little princess.” He grinned, looking at her weak grip until he felt a pair of eyes staring at him.

They were dark and blue, soft innocent baby eyes scrutinizing him with astonishment, discovering his face and bonding with him in ways Leon had never thought possible. He could see the world in those blue eyes just as much as his daughter was discovering the world through his.   And he could feel love, strong and unconditional, a love he would never be able to feel for anyone else, he was sure of it. A fatherly love. One that would make him move mountains just for the sake of protecting his child. One that would make him give up his life for hers. How beautiful yet how scary.

And he cried tears of joy and guilt, happy to have her in his life and yet sorry that he hadn’t be there for her sorry. He had missed too much. First echography, first move, first kick, first cry. All that because of fear and stubbornness. And he felt awful because of it.          

A hand pressed gently on his shoulder. Leon turned around to see you standing next to him, a tired smile on your face. “Y/N”  You knelt by his side, softly caressing the head of your daughter who had fallen asleep in the strong arms of her father. “I’m sorry... I am so sorry. I should have been there for you.”             “ You’re here now. And that’s all that matters.”

Yes, he was here and he would remain here, by his daughter’s side and by yours, until his last breath. For first steps, first words, first birthday, first drawing, first day at school, first love, first heartbreak. He would forever be here for her and make the world a safer place for her. He had finally found a reason to keep fighting. And it was five pounds of pure love.    

Little (baby’s name) Claire Kennedy.

Making his life brighter despite five stages of fatherhood he would willingly go through again if it meant he could hold her in his arms forever.  

[rpbetter]

So I’ve been watching this stuff with Raven and everyone else involved, and now I see that you and some others are apparently accusing the mods of that vent blog of being involved? All because they’re seemingly choosing to stay out of it? News flash: I’ve been following that blog for years and them deleting some submissions is nothing new. The more asks they post about this, the more drama it brings to their blog and then it spreads to their followers. No one is obliged to be part of someone else’s fights or fix their problems.

You’re demanding that a third party get involved in drama that has nothing to do with them and side with you. From where I’m standing, it seems like they can’t win. If they say something that isn’t what you guys wanna hear then they’re accused of taking sides. If they don’t say anything, then they’re accused of taking sides or even BEING Raven. Is there anything that they could do in this situation that wouldn’t result in them getting utterly ripped to shreds by one side or the other? Given the behavior I’ve witnessed from both sides of this drama I’m not exactly surprised they’d want to steer clear.

Newflash, I've also been following that blog for years! I stopped so much as looking at it because I couldn't tolerate seeing the shit show constantly going on with drama mod this one is disturbingly reflective of to myself and others. Totally an alright position to take.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

When you're a mod, no, you honestly cannot do anything right sometimes, that's part of why it's an undertaking that isn't for everyone, but since you asked:

Like I've said, and have two more drafts sitting around with exactly this sort of thing in them, there are absolutely things they could have done that would have been the responsible choice. You do realize that they did, maybe still do, there have been changes, have in their rules that the blog was absolutely not to be used as a callout source, and this action would result in being blocked? Since you've been there for years as well?

That included, specifically stated in those rules, taking this off of the blog into one's own space to do so. And again, it would result in blocking.

Fine, don't interact with it anymore, but apply your rules. It's a questionable but personal choice to pick what topics you're going to allow to keep going regardless of the on-blog drama they cause within the parameters of the rules you've set forth, choosing to not act in your position as the moderator is different.

The choice was made to renege on those rules in this case. An actual, unabashedly obvious, in the fucking URL, callout blog was allowed to reblog posts, engage with the comments, in its capacity as a callout blog. Do you see how that was wildly inappropriate not to address as a mod?

Raven outted themselves, took it off-blog in a reblog, to continuing an already present callout situation and start further shit. Do you see how that was wildly inappropriate not to address as a mod?

Even if those rules did not exist, it should have been blocked the second that mod saw them. You cannot run a place like that blog in any other way than keeping it the safest feeling environment possible, otherwise, you end up with this situation. The situation in which your blog has just been used as a callout resource, is the epicenter of excessive bullshit that has negatively impacted the RPC and will continue to for some time, and is no longer being engaged with out of fear, distrust, and anger.

It's not unreasonable that this is a really poor look to choose to allow this drama to continue without taking any action at all, excepting selectively delete submissions regarding it. You get how that could make people feel a little more suspicious when they've been given cause to feel that way anyway? I mean, the blog turned out to be the open source for callouts and harassment it has claimed to be non-supportive and intolerant of. A state that is necessary to maintain on a blog that runs entirely on people getting things out of their systems - that is always going to incite a desire for callouts and bullying. This isn't the first time, it's just the first time it turned into this. It's critical that this not be allowed to happen.

It did happen, and we yet again, got a piss poor response from someone in a position of responsibility. One that included super cool, super weird threats, too!

Listen, I am big on people appreciating others who give their additional time to providing and/or maintaining extra things for this community. That does not mean that every choice they make is great, forgivable, without suspicion. Respect mods because they're giving their time =/= everything every mod does is without reproach =/= extreme, unreasonable expectations.

If I cleaned your room or apartment for free for you out of the goodness of my heart or because I'm just really into cleaning or both, would that make you totally cool with the fact that I knocked over a lit candle and burned half your shit up? I was giving you something of benefit at no cost, but you'd have every right to be kind of pissed off at me for that. It doesn't make anyone some kind of infallible saint, people absolutely can take issue with them, and not handling it properly at any point outside of what they don't want to deal with is a valid issue to take.

We're all aware that the blog does not publish all submissions, in fact, that's been a problem in the past when people felt like there was some significant bias going on. It's an inherent risk of this kind of moderating. After all, no one but the mod(s) is going to see what is in that inbox, we have to believe that they're following their own rules and acting honestly, impartially. When the actions taken by the mod do not exactly sell this, no shit, people are going to have problems.

Again, what do/did I want them to do?

Follow. Their. Rules. Be transparent. Not give people reason for this kind of suspicion and additionally bent feelings. Accept the reality, like a lot of people interacting with every blog but mine seem to have difficulty with as well, that they've accepted a position of responsibility and need to act in accordance with what they've accepted.

Know what I didn't accept the responsibility of? Modding this blog as a confessions/vent blog. I'm not running on the idea that there is 0 bias - it's an advice blog, it runs on my observation, experience, and yep, opinion. I still try to be as transparent and honest as humanly possible while maintaining my rules. That's the responsibility I accepted when I created this blog. The responsibility, that no one forced them into, when creating and/or maintaining a vent blog is far more serious.

Getting "involved in drama" is literally your fucking position as a moderator of a vent blog. You're not a random, third-party witness. It's your blog. The drama happened because of your blog, it's your business, you're involved. Just like stepping in to moderate comments. But this kind of take on it does explain the copious volumes of attitude with negative stores of responsibility of that other mod, so I guess, thanks for that.

So, yeah, go ahead and refuse to post anything relating to it, but maybe accept some culpability in the failure to act instead of doubling down on it in justification? Maybe state, in a non-creepy way, that nothing further on the topic will be posted, the callout blog and Raven should have been blocked in accordance with the rules, you're sorry that did not happen, you'll be more aware of what is going on next time and hope that everyone gives you that opportunity?

What is it that you think people are expecting? No one I know of thinks that the vent blog should have gone 'round individually trying to get people to behave, just adhere to their responsibility on their own damn blog. If you can't handle that, you're not a very good moderator. And just as you're complaining to and at me, it's the position you've placed yourself in, people are going to tell you about it, they are going to have issues with what you're doing/not doing. This isn't your RP blog, it isn't your personal blog. There are different responsibilities and expectations.

For the record? I don't think that mod is Raven. I just said I wouldn't be shocked at this point, that I can see where people could get that, and that I felt it was possible there is a connection, as in, they know each other, given the extreme toleration that was had. Genuinely not interested in openly saying what I do think as regards who they are because that? That'd be irresponsible of me. When I can just...not. And not interact with that blog because it already sketched me the hell out on that basis alone.

#hold someone other than Vespertine accountable 2k21 ffs.

[mcrmadness]

I met with the new psychiatrist today and apparently here in Finland adhd is still a little boys’ disorder. I don’t understand why can’t they take it seriously when I talk about it? Why can’t they even run the tests on me???

Now I’m just having extremely bad conscience because I keep reblogging posts about adhd and the fact that I can relate to so many aspects of ADHD (inattentive), RSD and executive dysfunction makes me feel so fake now. I feel like I shouldn’t be reblogging, I should be tagging because I feel like I’m taking the platfrom from those who ACTUALLY have it diagnosed. This is my main reason for looking for a diagnosis - I feel like I cannot exist as who I am as long as it’s not “official”. I will keep asking myself why I feel like ADHD but why do I still have an Asperger’s diagnose I don’t even agree with? I don’t even have any of the “biggest” Asperger’s traits but I match fully to the inattenttive ADHD.

Apparently the core reason is: there was never any proof of ADHD when I was younger. No one ever questioned if what I have might be ADD. But it was the 90s! And early 2000s! No one was even talking about ADHD on girls (as I’m nonbinary afab)! Besides, I had social anxiety and selective mutism, my school problems were not because I would have failed, my school problems were me being very sensitive kid and having weird-ass mental blocks that prevented me from doing Things at school. And no one ever suspected Asperger’s either. So when one random doctor writes it as my diagnosis when I was 22, suddenly there’s no way to get rid of it???

I also feel like I was not in the best place when I was to those psychological tests back then. I had quit meds 6 months earlier and I had been eating them for 5 years - from the age of 17. In tha timet I had one SSRI medicine for the whole time (it made me numb and unable to create and focusing was even harder than what it’s now) and then two different neuroleptics, the first one made me eat nonstop and gain weight and caused hypersomnia; the second one replaced the previous and it made me so severely hyperactive (I felt like I saw what it really is like to have ADHD) even sleep was difficult and then I started to be dangerous behind the wheel because I didn’t remember to look at the mirrors and just laughed about it, and then I started having blackouts, even in the middle of driving. I stopped with these two when I wasn’t even 19 yet. And I feel like they did some permanent damage to my brains. That was the first time, 10 YEARS AGO, when I started to actually think about ADHD and I was googling a lot if one can have ADHD as a brain damage from neurolepts. Or if it could trigger a childhood ADD into adult ADHD.

I really would like to know what those test would say today, when I haven’t touched any kind of antidepressants or neurolepts in 7 years and now as my brain chemicals are actually back to normal. You just don’t recover from 5 years of antidepressants in just 6 months. I had a severe derealization going on still year or two after quitting the meds.

But yeah, I just feel so bad for reblogging adhd things here because apparently I can’t have adhd if you ask the psychiatrists. And the Asperger’s thing makes me so mad. I think they just look at me and think I look like someone with Asperger’s because I don’t look people in the eye - that’s just me being an introvert and highly sensitive person with lots of traumas. They literally just see how I’m on the outside and they think all that is because of something neurological. But they refuse to see what’s REALLY going on in my head and they refuse to understand anything I say is real. I don’t know if it’s because I have been researching and reading about adhd a lot, if that’s what immediately makes doctors go into this “you’re selfdiagnosing therefore you cannot be right I’m the doctor here!!!” mode. I have seen this before too - when I talk about these with actual medical terms, the doctors write down that I do so. Why? What is so bad about it? As a teenager I was never even told about the diagnosis, I just overheard them talking about “social anxiety“ and “selective mutism” and I had to go and google them myself because no one ever told me why I was there. I thought it was fun to go there and talk with adults and I was mindblown when I found the Wikipedia page about social anxiety and it was like reading about myself.

Now I’m seriously thinking about contatcing some sort of a neuropsychiatric specialist or so who would have actually updated information about neurodivergencies and who would ACTUALLY listen to me and take me seriously. Now all I get is suggestions for a medication and occupational therapy. And I still don’t even know what that occupational therapy is + if they think I need that, why don’t they look into the CAUSE of me needing that? They just think you don’t function like everyone else in this society so let’s try make you fit in :) Fuck you, why we always need to fit in? Why don’t neurotypicals ever try to adapt to us??? I still feel like the Asperger’s diagnose is there on me “just because you’re not like everyone else” as if it was the only way to call someone acceptably weird. (Also I’m not calling people with Asperger’s or autism weird - I’m only talking about myself here because it makes me feel like I can’t be weird in peace without a diagnosis but then I don’t get even tested for something I do think I might have. Anyway, my now adult sister has both Asperger’s and ADD and we are SO different what comes to the Asperger’s, I was always the one to look after her because her thinking process has always been very different, even way different from mine, but I relate to her ADD feels and symptoms a lot.)

[lawonderlandwriter]

So here is all that has happened and all that I know and all of my thoughts on this intra-ship-tag war. For anyone who cares to read.

I hadn't written a new fic in a while. Not since Season 8 was airing, so I was not really aware of what was going on until one fic in particular where Jon has an abusive past, started getting negative attention. Most people will know which fic I’m talking about (for the purposes of this post, I’ll refer to it as FIC1). 

I had come across the fic randomly and skimmed it, deciding it seemed interesting and I would read it fully when I had the chance. Then I saw the hate the fic was getting and I read it fully immediately. I thought the fic was incredibly well written and wasn’t in any way a Jon-hate fic. Some parts of the fic I even was a tiny bit uncomfortable for the way it portrayed Dany, but I was too interested to let those parts get to me and I have since kept up with it and plan to read it until it’s conclusion. 

When I saw the hate on FIC1, I posted about it. How I thought the fic didn’t deserve the hate it was getting and how I thought people were casting judgement without really reading it, just commenting based on what they had heard about it and the author. 

This got me some hate but I stood by my fellow author. 

This was when I first heard of the “Discord” group. 

Everything I knew about the discord was hearsay as I am not and have never been involved in it. I heard the discord was all men who stanned Jon Snow and hate-commented on any fic they didn't like and had been policing the tag since basically the S8 finale. As I had seen hate comments on fics with my own eyes, I had no reason to question this. 

Especially when fics began showing up in the tag of Dany getting raped in response to each time FIC1 would update. Comments on those fics were sarcastic and crude and supportive. I have never used A03 as a social media platform so I was not and still am not very familiar with usernames. 

More accusations flew around that those responsible for these fics and fics that plagairised FIC1 stemmed from the Discord. I had no reason to believe otherwise (but I also had no reason to believe it was all Discord people either which I should not have so readily believed).

More fics were posted by authors I read and respect and more hate was flung around. Again, the Discord was blamed, perhaps* wrongly. My prejudice against this supposed discord group grew.

Then I started writing “Queens Always Have the Last Word” (QAHTLW). At first, the response was positive - everyone seemingly hates Sansa. A few complained I wasn’t changing Jon’s general S8 demeanor which annoyed me. I had made it perfectly clear in the tags that the story would focus on Dany - and I had already written a fic for Jon where he was the star and got the last word. This was her turn. 

I did not and still do not consider it a Jon-hate fic or that the fic is an attack on Jon’s character in any way. I kept Jon essentially close to his S8 self but added a bit more to him - additions I thought were positive.

But my fic was somehow labeled “Jon Snow hate.”  

Some people in comments on my and other fics have said something about S8 fics being “serious” fics, hence why I guess my QAHTLW was labeled “Jon hate.”

For one, this to me this seemed an incredibly arbitrary rule and it still seems incredibly arbitrary. That S8 fics HAVE to be “serious”. Why is it just S8 fics?

For those wondering, my understanding of a “serious” fic is a fic that HAS to feature Jon and Dany as being 100% equal to each other and the narrative HAS to treat them as 100% equal and be kind to both of them. 

If a fic is not considered “serious”, it is okay for Jon and Dany to not be 100% equal or treated equal by the narrative - one example of “non-serious” fics in the Jonerys A03 tag were harem fics. 

At least, that’s what I’ve been told by commenters - harem fics are okay to be in the Jonerys tag on A03 (even though they are incredibly unequal in regards of who gets to sleep with who) because apparently “no one takes them seriously.”

This is what I have been told: “No one takes harem fics seriously.”

So, because of this new standard set forth by people who either had been policing the tag, or people trying to explain the motives behind people policing the tag, a line became drawn. 

Those of us who don’t write or read harem fics, we (I, rather, but others likely as well) began to see this line as “Jon Snow stans” and “Daenerys stans”. Because it’s highly unlikely many Dany fans would want to read fics where Jon just gets to smash everyone in ASOIAF.

So then I had a pretty damning encounter with someone in the comments of Chapter 4 of QAHTLW. The hate started off right out the gate:

This comment was a lot of things at once. 1) It cemented for me this weird divide between “Tumblr” (“Tumblrinas” as some call us) writers and “others” (I assumed all the “others” were Discord users). 2) It cemented for me that all the “others” were exclusively Jon fans, due to the accusation here that I don’t care about Jon, and 3) it was the first time I had been told to literally stop writing and leave to community. 

I reacted immediately. The encounter was petty (yes, I was petty too, fully admit it) and went on for several comments. Then my hate commenter responded with this:

I had seen that “reeeeeeee” before. Just a day before actually, here on Tumblr. It wasn't a post of mine, but a response to one of my mutual’s posts. The person who reblogged with the “reeeeeeeee” comment left a nasty note about Dany going crazy - it was clearly a comment meant to be offensive to Dany stans. I reblogged said post and blocked the user who had made the “reeeeee” comment.

So because my hate commenter on A03 used the same language as the Tumblr reblogger, I called him out on it, thinking I knew who he was. We went back and forth on that for another round of comments, and then he sent me this:

1) The user claims he is not the same person from Tumblr, 2) he admits to being in the “Discord” group, 3) He admits the Tumblr user I had blocked posts things from Tumblr to share with the Discord group for the purposes of making fun of us, and 4) he admits to using a “throwaway” account on A03 in order to avoid being banned by the site, should his comments get reported. 

Because of this encounter, I felt I had enough information to pass blanket judgement on the Discord group. To me, because of this person’s comments, the Discord was a place where male Jon Snow fans hung out and talked shit about Dany stans from Tumblr. 

And because this person had said things from Tumblr were shared (and laughed at) on the Discord, and because the very next day I posted a link on my Tumblr to QAHTLW, I felt I had made a connection. 

To me, it seemed like this hate comment stemmed from the Discord and was encouraged because of my reblogging of the Tumblr post. 

These comments on my fic felt like retaliation for something that had happened on Tumblr. 

It felt calculated. It felt systematic. It felt purposeful. It felt really fucking creepy. 

I reported it to A03.

A little while after the encounter, I got a final comment from this person. He had deleted his “throwaway” account and whatever other account he had been using, leaving me this on anon:

While I did think him a jerk for all the things he had said, I can respect this. Thank you whoever you are for realizing you were being a bully. My comments to you were rude as well, I know. 

But he admitted his fault in instigating the argument and said he would stop. So, I can only say, respect. 

Still, though one person had left this “tag policing” behind, it had opened a can of worms. Again, he had admitted to the discord sharing and laughing at shit from Tumblr. And so far as I knew, he only found my fic because of the Discord (may or may not be true, but that’s how it came across to me at the time).  

My view of the Discord was lowered further. 

Then, another "problematic” Jonerys fic was posted. We’ll call this FIC2. 

I didn’t think anything of it, honestly. I really, seriously didn’t. 

It was by an author I love to death so naturally, anything she writes, I excitedly reblog. Which I did. I didn't do so with any kind of snide remark, I wasn’t thinking about the fic’s treatment of Jon (because I didn’t think the fic would treat Jon badly...and it didn’t), I didn’t think about the other characters this fic involved. Nothing. 

I was seriously just fucking reblogging a fic from a friend, and then of course left a generic “loved it, this was hot!” comment on the fic on A03. 

And I got hate for that. Surprise Surprise:

This is two comments from, I’m assuming, two different users. Both were on anon. Once again, we were called “Tumblrinas”.

But a new level to this creepiness was added. 

Someone started using my name on A03 as their anon name. 

(The above comment thread has since been deleted but I screenshot it before the delete because I wanted to report to A03 - using someone else’s name and/or misrepresenting another user is very much in violation of A03s Terms of Service).

So that was the first fic this happened on but this person from FIC2 has since been going on all kinds of Jonerys fics on A03 leaving more comments, calling himself “LAStoryWriterAlex’s Rules and Regulations Enforcer.”

This was on another “problematic” fic (I won’t call it Jon hate because FFS it’s NOT Jon hate!):

Along with leaving a sarcastic remark about how I and my “crew of miscreants” apparently have now made a rule that “you can only leave praise in comments”, this person also called the fic he was commenting on “garbage”. So, rude. 

Then he left this on a RAPE fic:

He did not call the RAPE fic “garbage” and even used “please” and “thank you”.

Because this all seemed to stem from my reblog of FIC2 on Tumblr, I again assumed that this person, my “rules and regulations enforcer,” was from the Discord and had only seen my reblog of FIC2 because someone had snapshotted it and shown it to the Discord. 

I admit, it was wrong of me to assume this. I have no way of knowing if this person is from the Discord or not. But because of my last encounter, and as this was another thing that seemed to start from Tumblr, this is what I assumed. 

Then I posted my Dandry fic, Retrograde. 

You all know what happened with that.

In all honesty, I didn't write this to “piss off the incels”. (I also apologize for calling the entire Discord incels. I now know a few of you and realize this was a mistake). I wrote this fic because the idea came to me, it excited me, and once I started writing, I couldn’t stop. I was having fun with it. I’ve never shipped Dany/Gendry before, but since 8x04, this fic was always an idea in the back of my mind and I himhawed with writing it, mostly because I was busy with other things, but I worked on it. And when I got the first chapter done I posted.

And all hell broke loose. 

At first I had anon commenting enabled, but then disabled it because I just couldn’t fucking take it. It was exhausting. 

I got kind comments, I got neutral comments, I got rude comments, I got people arguing with each other in the comments, and then I got just fucked up comments -

Comments about me, my family, my weight:

In short, my parents should have aborted me brutally, my mother is a dirty whore, I’m cancer (not the zodiac sign I’m guessing), and I’m allegedly fat. 

I admit, the fat one got to me. I’m not fat, never have been overweight. But I do occasionally obsess about my weight, so that one got a reaction from me and I know, I know it shouldn’t have. But I made note anyway, of the fact that all my profiles are linked and there are pics of me in existence online that prove I’m not fat - I wanted to prove I’m not fat. My vanity got the better of me and so invited people to find pictures of me. Which had certain consequences I’ll discuss in a moment. 

I also got fucked up comments about Gendry and Dany - Dany in that apparently she’s a whore, and Gendry because he’s an uneducated bastard. Which, way to go elitist scum. I really don’t feel bad about saying that. These comments are elitist and misogynistic. Really makes me wonder what people would think of Jon if the show hadn’t made him legitimate. Would they all still stan him then? Do they only like him because he was heir to the throne??

Anyway, that as just the first two pages! (There were more supportive comments than not - I think) but there are now 8 pages of comments. So you can only guess what the rest of those 8 pages contain. 

I got all kinds of anons on Tumblr because of this. Some who supported my fic - thank you - and others who spewed the same kind of drivel from A03. I’m a whore, cunt, dumb bitch, awful writer, etc. 

Then, because I had exposed myself and made note of all my profiles being linked (which I had initially done so friendly A03 people could find my Tumblr if they didn’t already connect the two), I started getting anons commenting on, of all things, my fucking forehead, which apparently is larger than normal? Whatever, fuck you, I think I’m adorable, so there. 

I got an anon recently talking about the connection myself and others had made between the Discord and the revenge rape fics.

I agreed with anon in my response, that it was wrong for me to blame the Discord for fics like the beastiality fic in the tag. I pointed out however, that people were not attacking that writer the way they’ve been attacking me and others.

Again, it was wrong of me to assume all people in the Discord were leaving the hate comments. I admit that and I apologize for it. 

But I have proof (above) that at least one of the people policing the tag was from the Discord. And I have since had reason to believe some in the Discord still police the tag and do so quite hatefully. 

I was thinking about this most recent anon a lot since I got it and answered it. And then today when I was cursing the tag...

I came across one of the Modern Targcest fics. 

And I saw red. 

I clicked on the A03 “Collection” and skimmed through. Many of the fics were ones I had already seen/skimmed or read. But looking at the collection as a whole, I got an impression of the tag. 

And yes, I admit, my impression did not apply to all fics. And even the fics it did apply to, I should have never called out. 

I wanted to make a point, and I went about it the wrong way. 

The point I had wanted to make was that all the people policing the tag were hypocrites because these DubCon fics (some are less consensual than others) had relatively low engagement compared to my fic which was 100% consensual.

This still is something that bothers me, honestly, though it is through no fault of the authors of these DubCon fics. 

I just really hate that those fics are left relatively in peace and a fic like mine is not. Do I want those fics to get more hate? No. I just want the hate on mine and others like it to stop.

But I did go about it the wrong way. 

Certain people felt I misrepresented certain fics when I made THIS post. I roped all the fics into one category, and made an assumption about them all and that was wrong. 

Also, some people thought by making this post, I was saying that these authors “like” rape or are real life rape apologists, which was not my intention either. 

I still believe some of these fics are on a rape-spectrum. I’m sorry, that’s just what DubCon is. Not all of these DubCon fics are rapey, but some of them are. 

And it’s fine if that’s what you want to write and read. Really, it is. As I’ve stated, fanfic is a SAFE place for people to explore taboos, like rape and incest. Just because we read and write about it, doesn’t mean we would ever do it in real life. In fic, it’s fine though. 

And I apologize if my post came off as kink-shaming. Not my intention. 

Again, my intention was merely to point out the discrepancy in reaction to these fics because to me, a DubCon fic is more problematic than a cheating fic. My opinion. You may not share my opinion. 

Really my intention here was for people to realize that, if you can turn a blind eye to DubCon (something I find pretty problematic), then you should also be able to spare the same courtesy to other fics, like cheating, cuck, or “Jon Snow hate fics” - (and it’s always someone’s opinion whether or not the fic is truly Jon Snow hate).

If Dany fans can make it through the tag without commenting on some of the more extreme DubCon fics, and through the Harem fics, then Jon Snow fans should be able to make it through the tag without commenting on the cheating and the cuck fics. (and if Jon Snow fans can pass the harem fics and not think anything of them and not hate comment, they should be able to pass by the cuck fics too!!) - cuz I don’t want people to assume I’m accusing all Jon fans of liking those harem fics. Probably many of you don’t. But if you’ve left hate on a cuck fic, but not a harem fic, that’s hypocritical. It really is. 

If you’ve policed the tag and harassed an author for “punishing” Jon in their fic telling the author that they’re not really a Jon fan or not really a Jonerys fan, but you haven’t done the same in a harem (or similar) fic and stuck up for say, Dany, claiming the author isn’t a real Dany/Jonerys fan, you’re a hypocrite. 

Because as I’ve pointed out, Jon and Dany aren’t at all treated the same or equal in those kinds of fics. 

This isn't to say those fics are wrong, or shouldn’t be written, or don’t belong in the tag. It’s just to say if you give them a pass, you must also give a pass to everyone else. 

You can’t just pick and choose which “unequal” Jonerys fics are allowed and which aren’t. 

Which S8 fix-it-fics are allowed and which aren’t.

Which fics are “serious” and which are “non-serious”. (Many of the harem/breeding fics have Jon/Dany as the main pairing!)

Which are written by “real” Jonerys fans and which aren’t.

You don’t get to just make shit up. 

Yes, some Dany stans are angry at Jon and want to punish him in their fics for S8 and make him sit by and watch while Dany hooks up with Daario or resurrected Drogo or Gendry or whoever.

Some Jon stans want Jon to breed Missandei and Sansa while still being married to Dany because they want to make Dany barren in their narrative even though in actual ASOIAF canon, she’s probably not.

It’s called, Deal with it. 

Again, no one here is on the “right” side. No one should be policing the tag. Period. 

Also, side note, no one should be insulting authors looks or using the public photos authors use as a way to harass them. This isn’t only happening to me. If we post photos of our lives, it’s because we want to share with people. It’s not an invitation for you to use that against us. Don’t be fucking creepy. And if you know if someone being fucking creepy, tell them to stop!

[littlegalerion]

I couldn’t just reply directly to one because then it wouldn’t make sense, as the other two halves of the Asks would be missing. 

I want to start by saying if you enjoy Almalexia, be it in a simple way or in a thirst way, good for you. You enjoy the game how you want to enjoy it, because that’s what a game is for.

Now, that being said, I see absolutely no case for trying to “reclaim” Almalexia. Mainly because these “years of injustice” towards gay or female villains have long since passed. Yes, it was a thing, and yes it was horrible. But we’ve since moved on. I mean, as a woman, I’m proud to say that I could be flicking through TV channels or various options on any streaming app and find a series featuring a strong, independent woman- or involving a complex female villain who isn’t just “ugly”, but just enjoys being evil OR has a complicated and sympathetic background that forced her to become the villain.

Off the top of my head:

Hunger Games Parks and Rec The Office She-Ra  Steven Universe Owl House Rick Riordan collections Moana The Polar Express Song of the Sea

Wonder Woman

All these either feature one or both a strong female hero or a complex female villain, and they’re just the icing on the very real and very stable female empowerment cake.  

Will we still see ugly women portrayed in some fiction as villains? Yes, but we will also see ugly men portrayed as the villains. Usually for a purely comedic effect. If it’s bad taste, it’s easily seen as bad taste and therefore not well received, especially online. As for the gay aspect, that too has been changing- and funny enough some of the examples listed above are testimony to that!

Now to Almalexia herself:

I have to disagree, and argue that stating she is a “poorly written female” is a total injustice. Almalexia is an insanely good female villain. Why? Because when you face her, you feel fear. You know you are faced with an actual threat, a real challenge of a boss fight. She’s clever, resourceful, and you know she’s powerful enough to do as she pleases. After all, earlier in game she asks you to go force some dunmer to start worshiping her again or she’ll send an actual fatal storm to wipe them out. 

Please understand: the dunmer have a backwards and suffocating culture. They shove tradition down your throat, and even then will still hate you and say you aren’t good enough to polish their boots. It’s been like this for centuries, and why? Because the Tribunal never changed. Unlike other pantheons in Tamriel which adapted with time naturally, the Tribunal never shifted. Did you see Vivec and Almalexia ever lift a finger to stop the slavery in their lands? To stop the random wars between Ashlanders and the Houses? Did Sotha Sil even bother to change anything from the outside world in his Clockwork City for the better?

The Nerevarine is the change Morrowind needed. They’re this one outsider who doesn’t care about what anyone wants to try to force on them, and despite all the hardships, they ascend to power above any of these garbage people. They bring down the Tribunal, and Morrowind is able too breathe. 

This is why Alamlexia is such a good villain. Because she doesn’t want this change. Male or female, any gender is capable to be corrupted by greed and power. That was her from the get go. Both Vivec and Sotha Sil expressed regret at killing Nerevar. They didn’t change their ways, but they expressed regret. Almalexia never looked back. She knew what she was doing and never regretted it. Now suddenly the temple is finally falling, and she’s loosing her power. Yeah, she isn’t going to let that happen. 

So it’s you, the Nerevarine, who is responsible for a possible change for the better in the atmosphere of Morrowind, verses Almalexia, the last of the Tribunal who will keep things structured in tradition out of sheer greed. She literally worked out every movement you took from the beginning of that DLC up to point you see Sil’s corpse and she confronts you. This badass had a perfect plan devised, and I quote from her directly,

 "Nerevarine. Here it ends. This Clockwork City was to be your death. You were to be my greatest martyr! The heroic Nerevarine, sacrificing all to protect Morrowind from the mad Sotha Sil. But you live! You live! Fear not. I will tell the tale myself when this is done. I will tell my people how with your dying breath you proclaimed your devotion to me, the one true god. Your death will end this prophecy and unite my people again under one god, one faith, one rule by my divine law. The puppet king will lay down his arms and bow to my will. Those who do not yield will be destroyed. The Mazed Band has allowed me to travel to this place. Here, I slew Sotha Sil. Here, I summoned the Fabricants to attack Mournhold. I will be the savior of my people! I alone will be their salvation! None may stand in my way. Not you, and certainly not Vivec. He is a poet, a fool. I will deal with him when I have finished with you. And Sotha Sil...he always thought himself our better, shunning us, locking himself in this hole. He spoke not a word as he died. Not a whisper. Even in death, he mocked me with his silence! But I think you will scream, mortal. For now, you face the one true god."

What a set up for a boss battle!  

That’s insanely engaging! 

Honestly, she reminds me of Mother Gothel from Tangled. Always gaslighting her people, always making them believe she does everything out of love for them, when in reality she does it all only for her own benefit. 

Don’t get me wrong, Vivec and Sotha Sil aren’t saints. Even though they admitted regret, they didn’t do anything about that. They didn’t speak up, step down, or give the power back they stole. Instead, they tried to go under the excuse “we must continue on like this, the people can’t handle the truth.” Yeah, very convenient guys. 

But Almalexia outshines them both as one of the greatest villains in TES history. 

To Sum Up

There are things that need to be changed in Morrowind. The cringe, edgelord writing about Divayth and his daughters for instance. But the struggle between Tradition vs Progression, and the majesty of Almalexia’s final encounter do not need to be changed.  

If you want female empowerment in TES, then please look to the real icons.  Khamira, the young queen who faced an impossible rebellion. 

Lyris, who doesn’t know how to express nor deal with her emotions, and who gets weird looks for her sheer size by everyone else but her fellow Nords, but she keeps swinging that axe regardless! 

Valsirenn, who, despite having to revisit the painful reality of losing her daughter, still sought after her ex if only to find closure, and though Iachesis’ death weighed on her heart, she bit the bullet and saw things through to the end. 

And those are only three jewels of a treasure chest full of gems, let me assure you. if I had any real criticism, I’d like for female heroes to have more flaws. Nobody is born perfect, and half of what makes the hero is their struggle but final victory in overcoming their flaws or complications. 

This is the last time I’m reacting to Almalexia material on my blog. 

I don’t want my blog filled with fandom discourse. Yes, I’ve blogged before about Greymoor disappointments, but to be fair I was reviewing a product I paid $50 bucks for, and some people paid even more for it! I’ve received hate anon due to the Almalexia topic already, and had my words taken out of context due to someone not reblogging my actual argument but screenshotting the tags and only posting those. People ramble in their tags on tumblr. That’s a common thing. And funny enough, the tags are meant to go along with the actual blog itself. 

Any Asks sent regarding Almalexia will be ignored. If you have an excessive problem with my opinion on her, just block me. 

Again, I want to state: If you love Almalexia, just love Almalexia. More power to you. 

Just don’t attack people with long essays about how your opinion is correct and they are sexist for not agreeing with you! 

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Dead Girl

*Not my Gif*

Request: Request: hi! Love your writing! Can I ask for a weird request? Can I get a Stark reader who was close with Tony then something happened and they drifted apart and he stopped being a good dad and so now after endgame she’s kind of dealing with that fact and the fact her dsds dead and there’s like other conflicts relating to that like him moving on with Morgan and Pepper? Also could she have been dusted or something? Thx your amazing!

Requested by: Anonymous

Post date: 5-29-19

Paring: Tony Stark x Daughter!Reader, Peter Parker x Reader (Kind of)

Word Count: 2,487

A/N: Ok so I love Tony Stark and it was like incredibly hard for me to write like him as a bad dad so I hope you all like this and this request kind of killed me but I loved it. 😂 please reblog/comment/like and if you requested something I working on it! I’ve got many things in the works! Love you all! Also I just hit 100 followers and I couldn’t be happier! Thank you all so much! Now for 200!

- Ria

~Prompt List~

~Master List~

~Open Requests~

“Goodbye Dad” you whispered as you stared down at the casket beside you. Your fingers gently traced over the wood, everything slowly becoming a reality for you. Your dad was gone. Tony Stark was gone. You’ve cried and cried but it didn’t bring him back, so you did the only thing you could think of. You moved on. You glanced around the funeral, seeing who was there and who was crying. It showed emotion, showed how someone felt. You didn’t cry this time. You haven’t cried since... well since you thought you moved on.

“He would’ve been proud of you kid, you know that, right?” Happy said wrapping his arm around you and pulling your shoulder into his side. You mindlessly nodded your head, not paying attention to what the man was saying as you were in your world. Looking up you caught sight of Peter, tears falling down his face as wiped them away just as fast. His eyes looked with yours before he gave you a sad smile, unable to hold back any emotion.

‘He would’ve been proud of you kid’

He would’ve been proud of Peter, Peter was more of a son to Tony than you had been a daughter. Hell, Peter seemed to be mourning him more. Your head turned to face Happy before shrugging out of his embrace, heading into the house. A house gotten when you were gone. A life made when you were dusted. 5 years. You were gone 5 years and you come back then your dads gone? Thanos really messed you all up.

“Hey what are you doing in here? Everyone’s outside.” Pepper asked snapping you out of your thoughts.

You avoided her gaze. “I just needed to get away for a bit. I’ll be back soon.” The room was empty was empty after Pepper left, leaving you to let your thoughts wander.

---

You could hear the cries and shouts from the battle below as you flew above it all in the suit you made with your dads help. You had watched as the team took out as many of Thanos’ army as possible before you could go through the portal Doctor Strange made you. As soon as the fighting started you had gotten hurt, the suit breaking down your right arm as a huge scratch and crack came after.

“Ughh Arti, what’s the damage?”You asked the A.I. In your suit, Arti. When he told you your arm was broken you groaned before getting back up determined to finish the fight. You looked around, hoping to see family winning and right away you saw Peter and your Dad. You let out a light laugh them, both bloodied up but smiling as they hug. You carefully went over there, not interrupting their moment but fast enough so Thanos’ guys didn’t see you. When they pulled apart Peter’s eyes found you, you couldn’t help the smile that covered your face. He quickly pulled you into his embrace, squeezing you tighter than he just hugged your dad which made you feel good inside. It didn’t feel like 5 years to you two but you knew it had been. When you separated you made your way to your dad hoping for a hug from him as well. But when he patted your back your hopes fell.

“Hey Kid. Glad you’re back.” He gave you a smile before patting you again, turning around to fight off some creature. Your smile fell. That was all you got? Peter got a freaking hug and you got a pat on the back. You drowned out the noise around you as you stared at him fighting, desperate to say something to him but not knowing what.

Arti’s voice pulled you out of your trance, “on your 6, miss Stark.” You quickly turned around, shooting down the creature who tried to get the jump on you. As the battle continued, you ran into more of your team each one either happy you’re back or happy you’re both back. When you caught sight of Thanos you flew over to him as others did as well. You all tried to get to him but when he threw you off him causing you smack your head on the ground you almost passed out. You stayed on the ground trying your best to focus but unable to until you saw Thanos put his hand in the air to snap and you moved onto your elbows unsure about what’s going to happen.

“I am inevitable.” He says as you get on your feet. When his snap sounds you wince until you realize nothing happened. You let go of your breath and a smile falls on your face as you look at your dad who was panting as his hand went up.

“No…” you whispered as the stones made their way down his hand. You knew what was going to happen. He was going to die and you couldn’t stop it. “Dad! No!”

“I am Iron Man.”

---

“Your dad was a hero.” You hadn’t realized Peter’s arms where around you until he spoke, your throat was dry as you held back tears. You weren’t going to cry, you wouldn’t let yourself cry over him. he was gone, and crying would’ve changed anything.

“I didn’t want him to be a hero. I wanted him to be my dad, but he wasn’t because he was too busy playing hero.” You whispered, reaching up to wipe the stream of tears on his eyes. Peter’s face looked even sadder if it was even possible causing you to pull him close to you. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as his fell on your waist, his head resting in your hair laid on you shoulder. For a few moments it felt like nothing changed, Peter and you were hanging out in your room at the Avengers tower and your dad was down in his lab. But that couldn’t happen anymore. You both separated when you heard footsteps leading into the room. Morgan’s body soon came into your view and you gave her a soft smile. “Hey Morgan. How’s it going, girl?”

She looked up at you before shrugging at you, blowing you off as she turned to Peter. “Peter! I want a cheeseburger! Come with me.” Peter glanced between your sullen face and her happy face, unsure of what to do until you nodded, lightly shaking your head to let him no it was okay. He picked her up before turning to you, mouthing an apology as you pretended to smile. Only when he walked out of the room did you finally react. Morgan didn’t like you and you were her sister, instead she wants to spend her time with Peter, someone who wasn’t even related to him. You laid back on the couch, staring at the ceiling as your fingers played with the hem of your black dress. Morgan didn’t think of you as her sister, hell a few weeks ago she didn’t even know you existed, no one told her about you. You stared at the ceiling until someone else decided to ruin your solitude.

Happy looked down at you as he gently grabbed your hand, pulling you up from the couch as you groaned, “Come on Y/N, everyone’s heading home now so it’s time to say goodbye.”

“I already said goodbye.” You mumbled, trying to fall back down but to no avail.

Happy sighed, “I meant to them, not to- not to your dad.”

“oh…”

“You coming?” You nodded your head as you let him drag you back outside, refusing to look in the direction of the casket. You gave everyone hugs and said your goodbyes before heading over to the lake, watching the water ripple. It hurt, your whole body ached, and you couldn’t stop it. You could feel your cheeks getting slightly wet, but you made no move to dry it, just letting it fall. You needed to be alone, but unfortunately for you, some people just didn’t understand that. Happy and Peter refuse to let you go through this by yourself, they wanted to be by your side the whole time. When Peter sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder you had begun sobbing, causing the boys heart to break at the sound.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s going to be ok. I’m here, I’m here. I’m not leaving you. Ever.” He said, gently rubbing your hair as he kissed your forehead, your sobs had slowed until your labored breathing was the only thing they heard.

“I couldn’t save him.” you whispered, Peter and Happy’s head perking up at the words. Your eyes were blocked by tears as you tried to look through them, still staring at the water in front of you. “I couldn’t save him. Hell, I could barely save myself! I’m not a hero! He said it himself I was just a mistake.”

Happy’s heart stopped when you said that, hoping that you weren’t talking about what he thinks you were. “What are you talking about?”

You let out a chuckle as you turned to face the man. “I heard you guys... that day before he went to Germany. We fought, and I stormed out of the tower, couldn’t get my head straight. I ended up at this bar and they let me in, I mean Y/N Stark, such publicity. I got hammered, so I left and wanted to talk to him, wanted to apologize... but keep in mind I was drunk and when I went down to his lab, I saw you and him talking... and he looked like he was also drunk off his ass. I listened. I heard my name and I wanted to know what you were talking about.” Your words were soft but they somehow managed to hit Happy hard.

“You heard us?” Your eyes locked with his as you nodded. Peter grabbed your hand as he looked confused at the both of you.

“Not at first, my brain wasn’t retaining information and so I put my glasses on and asked Arti to record it. At the time all I managed to get was Y/N, 15 years, slut, and mistake. At first, I thought he was talking about me being a slut because I didn’t think he knew about, well about me still being a virgin at the time. I tried rationalizing everything, but I was way too drunk, so I called it a night. Next morning, I woke up hungover but sober, so I watched the video. He didn’t call me a slut... no he said he banged some slut 15 years ago and Y/N was the mistake... he called me a mistake. The rest of the video wasn’t any better. Talking about how I wasn’t a good daughter and was just a liability on the field. He left for Germany and when he came back everything was different. It was like that one fight changed my life forever.” Peter squeezed your hand as you closed your eyes, trying your hardest to hold in the soft cries. Happy just stared at you, full of regret. He should’ve done something that night, said anything about you to defend you but instead he didn’t, he just listened.

“Y/N…” Your eyes darted open as you stood up to face the man, your voice laced with anger as well as sorrow.

“NO! It’s true! H-he stopped wrapping an arm around me when he was proud of me, his little forehead kisses he gave me were cut down by like 90%, and he stopped hanging out with me in his lab, me talking about my life or school and him working on his latest project where he would screw up and then I would fix it. Everything changed. You know when he went to space, I didn’t know until Pepper told me. She said that she thought I would’ve been the first to know. This was 10 hours after he left. I was dusted, Happy. Pepper told me everything about when he came back. He kept mumbling ‘I lost the kid. I lost the kid’ and she thought he meant me, but when he said ‘I lost him’ she realized he didn’t mean me. He meant Peter. I wasn’t his daughter. I was as much of his daughter as any other sorry little lost girl in the world.” You hadn’t realized you were shouting until you stopped talking eyes wide as you came closer to Happy, fists clenched as they shook. You needed this, to be able to vent. You’ve been holding this in for so long and now you were just letting it all out, saving your regrets for later. Peter hadn’t said a word since you started yelling, to afraid of angering you even more.

Happy put his hands on your shoulder, determined to calm you down, but there was no point. “Y/N, you don’t mean that.”

“I do. I mean every word I say. He blew it off. When Pepper told him, he blew me off. You know I knew he wanted a kid with Pepper, but you’d think that he would’ve acknowledged the daughter he had now. He blew it off. They had Morgan and they moved on. He forgot about me. And now 5 years later I come back and he’s hugging Peter in the middle of the battle field and when I go down there, he pats my back and continues fighting. Then he died. But you know what. He was dead to me long before that. My dad died that night I recorded you two.”

“Y/N...” your anger tripled every time he tried to get you to calm down.

“STOP INTERRUPTING ME! I NEED TO GET THIS OUT! I met Morgan. And-and you know what, she had no idea who the fuck I was. I said my name and she looked right through me. No one told her about me. I expected that from him. But you? And Pepper? You didn’t say anything about me to her? Nothing at all. I’m her sister and she didn’t even know I existed. You know, I could’ve done it. What he did. I was right there, I had my hands on Thanos and yet... it was him. It should’ve been me. The world didn’t need me. It could’ve gotten along just fine. It looks like it had and then I came back, and the world was... fucked.” Your voice cracked as your speech faded. Everyone was quiet no one knew what to say. Your eyes had traveled down to the ground, tears falling faster than ever as you slowly turned towards the house. You thought Peter would’ve followed you or Happy, but no one did. You were alone, and he was dead. You wished it was you. You wished your dad was with his new family and you had been the one to snap. You wished you were the dead girl.

PART 2

FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED!!

[meyhew]

a think piece that no one asked for

things have been really tense in fandom world these past couple of days and i’d like to start off by saying this isn’t meant to add fuel to the fire. this is simply my two cents on a problem that exceeds this situation. it will come as a shock to absolutely no one that people in this fandom tend to view things with a very black and white perception and i for one have been actively trying to not do that for a while so this is probably a result of that. a lot of this has been said before but never in so many words in place so anyways.

the catalyst for this is the louis + notes discussion that came out of the walls mv so i’ll talk about that first. first and foremost, the amount of notes an edit gets ≠ the amount of support louis has. there are people not on tumblr.com who have preordered his album, purchased his merch, bought tickets to his tour. the relative lack of notes on a post is not indicative of support and success. if people aren’t reblogging your posts, perhaps consider the possibility that there’s a reason that’s not them disliking/not supporting louis’ career. when larries reblog louis+harry edits, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about louis on his own (at least not on my dash). if they were to break up tomorrow, i’d still be here supporting these white boys in their solo endeavours bc i care about them both as individuals. so does almost every larrie i can think of. and in case people forgot, we don’t get undeniable content every day like we used to. they’re both doing their own things and when those things align, i’ll be damned if someone makes me feel guilty for enjoying them. i got two hands, two ears, four chambers in my heart full of enough love for both of them. 

adding onto that, i saw people comparing notes on solo louis edits to solo harry edits and i have one word for it: wack. they’re at vastly different points in their careers and it makes zero sense to compare their popularity on tumblr. people dont do that for niall and liam, who also get significantly less notes on edits made of them. and we can hate it all we want, but harry was always the one marketed to stand out from the rest of them. from the very beginning of one direction, he had a spotlight on him that the others simply didn’t. that didn’t disappear. it only got stronger as time went on and after the hiatus, he was the only member expected to succeed. he was the one everyone had their eyes on. that’s not his fault or louis’ or anyone else’s. that was something orchestrated ages ago by people with far greater power. that being said, right now, harry has two studio albums out. he has gone on a massive world tour. he’s been in a very successful war film. for many reasons, his fanbase is just larger than louis’ at the moment, who does not have an album released and has not done the other things harry has done. that’s not his fault and i’m not minimizing what louis has achieved; these are just the facts. comparing the attention they get on here is just a moot point because it’s not fair.

also. if you complain about people not reblogging your louis only edits when you have half the fandom blocked... make it make sense, sir. and stop guilt tripping. people not reblogging your edits ≠ them being bad fans. take a step back and reevaluate. 

it feels like a lot of people have just forgotten what it’s like to enjoy things. Person A is complaining about a thing, Person B is complaining about Person A, Person C goes on twitter.hell and complains about both on there and comes here to act like they didn’t just throw a bag of oxygen into an already burning fire. just shut up and be nice to each other. talk to each other instead of making weird shady posts about people that you choose to follow. or get this - you can simply unfollow without making a big deal out of it. if you’re someone who will call out every blog that hates on harry and will get mad at people for reblogging from them, either have that same attitude about louis hating blogs or kindly be quiet. let people blog in peace. 

i’ve seen it happen many times, but one of the most awful things to witness here is people throwing away years worth of friendships out the window over fandom opinions that really truly are not that deep. if you both care about the boys, if you both want the best for them, then just talk about your differences. these white boys are really important and they mean so very much to me but don’t let petty differences ruin your personal relationships. i’m not saying to go and be friends with someone who obviously doesn’t care for one of the boys, or disregards real social issues bc of their privilege/lack of understanding, but differences in fandom opinion over things you can’t change... allowing that to end your friendships... why do that? 

i’m not trying to preach at anyone bc i know i’ve been guilty of things in the past but some people recently have been... too much. instead of growing and maturing, some of u seem me to regressing in maturity and it’s concerning. fandom shouldn’t become your identity to the point that your relationships are dictated by it 

[dizzymoods]

I agree with everything you've said but at the end of the day, when it comes to it you were defending an anti-black person who has had a history of anti-blackness. That corvid-420 person called black people fake for activism online and made fun of them speaking out against fandom racism. They also called black people karen. vis/ibility would've been willing to listen to you becuase she holds the same views you do on the subject. but i think when you defended

a white person who was being vehemently racist to black people, and allowed that person to reblog and stand behind you for defense, then she probably didn't listen to you. and i personally don't blame her becuase that discussion about black Americans and privilege should only be had between black people (all over the world) and allowing a white person to lead that discussion at this time was really bad. Same with liluchihahurt .

I’ve intentionally left corvid out of this conversation. I haven’t tagged them nor mentioned them nor engaged with them at all through this. I saw that post as a way to start this conversation with another black person. visibility has engaged with corvid more than she has me. she blocked me after reblogging from me so I couldn’t respond. She has a pretty lenghty back and forth with corvid. Why? I’ve made it clear by not engaging with corvid and only engaging with her - that im interested in having this conversation with another black american. I want answers about what we gain from denying our involvement in american imperialism.

I didn’t get any notification nor see any post by corvid using me as an antiracist shield. If so that is weird and wrong and stupid of them. But the ways in which visibility accused corvid of being antiblack boils down to this person who is not black but is in a place which has been ravaged by US imperialism should not say that they noticed a tendency that black americans tend to side with the empire a little too often. The core of what corvid said is true.  Should they have been the ones to say that in this moment, maybe not. That is why I made a separate post that didn’t engage with anything going between visibility and corvid.

But:

This impulse of deflecting criticism of how black people participate in and benefit from the empire is a disease. I think its weird how nobody’s mentioned that visibility called me a nonblack leftist then called me a west african before calling me a coon. What’s up with that? What are you doing by immediately denying the blackness of someone who doesn’t agree with you? This is looks a lot like black nationalism to me. Where a very specific kind of blackness is idealized and anyone who doesn’t try to fit that is rendered not black. And, bc it is an unattainable kind of blackness anyone can be discarded as not black at anytime.

Visibility said that west africans were worse than white people. Can you imagine how absolutely fucking stupid that is? White europeans colonized west africa and in that process is how we ended up here. Nobody else sees an issue with this? People are intentionally being obtuse with what I said by claiming I blamed slavery on black people when I was very clearly talking about how integration failed us. which is why i used the keyword “integrate”. But it’s ok for her to say west africans are worse than white people? What does that do?

As for the timing idk. I think that’s something I can reflect on. But often when discussions like this pop up its never the right time to do so. And these discussions usually crop up when our community goes through tremendous pain and lash out at ppl who are trying to build bridges with us. And this is another impulse of black nationalism. Our pain is sacred and we must reject other peoples’ olive branch bc they can’t understand. We only have each other.

What about Syrians who, while fighting to save their wheat crops (their biggest food source) from being burned down by the US, took time to memorialize George Floyd and call for an end to their occupation and police murder? What about Palestinians who stand with us as they demand justice for Iyad Hallak, a man with autism who the IDF murdered? What about the French who are demanding justice for Adama Traoré and George Floyd, both of whom’s last words were “I can’t breathe?”

Are we to take these instances of solidarity with skepticism? Is it better to think of these as just PR stunts from these communities trying to distract from their antiblackness. Are we demanding they overcome their antiblackness before we even admit that we made the mistake of integrating into the empire? What is going on here?

tagging  @liluchihahurt​ since he was mentioned