#can you tell her character makes me want to eat concrete

[likeastars]

Thinking about Pink Diamond never talking with a voice of her own, about how others put words in her mouth.

Thinking about Rose Quartz always being told through flashbacks, through others' perception of her.

Thinking about how her only real moment was her saying when you love yourself that's me loving you in an old tv in the dark.

[operator-report]

In middle school, I read a short story for English class called Flowers for Algernon. Maybe you’ve read it, too. In the story, a disabled man named Charlie is given a medicine that cures his disability. Over the course of the story, he comes to realize that his “cure” is temporary and that he will “regress” into being disabled again. The story makes it clear that this is a tragedy. As a disabled teenager when I first read it, the story affected me deeply.

I’d like to talk about David and Noelle. 

Content warnings for discussion of suicide, self-harm, ableism and eating disorders below the cut. Spoilers for Worm through arc 27. 

When I was first reading arc 18, one of the things that stuck out to me is how much time the story spends on Eidolon. For me, it was the first time I paid much attention to him - prior to that, Eidolon was just an extremely powerful background character to me. But in arc 18, we learn that (1) Eidolon is losing his powers and (2) he believes that fighting Echidna will allow him to tap into some sort of reservoir to bring them back.

We find this out, of course, through Tattletale exposing him, which is always an extremely embarrassing event for Tattletale’s target. It makes it extremely clear that what Eidolon is doing is pathetic. He is going to kill a teenage girl so he can feel something. 

Which would be messed up enough, right? We don’t need to make this even worse, right? Wrong. Because Wildblow has spent the last several thousand words building up the Case 53s as X-Men style metaphors for oppressed groups, and one of the forms of oppression that Wildblow generally writes well is ableism. I think you can consider most, if not all of the Case 53s as disabled in some way. I think the link is extremely clear with Noelle.

Noelle doesn’t get her powers from traditional Cauldron human experimentation - at least, not directly. Instead, she and Krouse are facing what is, to them, a no-win scenario. They’re quarantined with limited access to medical care. Breaching this quarantine would permanently render them criminals. If Noelle survives her surgery, which is a pretty big if, she’ll become disabled, in a way that both Krouse and Noelle agree is ugly and undesirable. She won’t be able to do “boyfriend-girlfriend stuff” because she won’t be “any good to look at, after.” 

Krouse and Noelle are terrified of death, yes, but they’re also terrified of disability. They are desperate for control over Noelle’s body, control that, as of that moment, only the state has. (Remember the quarantine?) Krouse pressures Noelle into drinking the vial. Noelle is cured. 

Noelle’s cure does not last. In attempting to assert control, her body becomes uncontrollable. Her body is her trauma and her eating disorder made literal. She still needs care.

Worm would be bad if this is why her life sucks. But Worm does something better, instead. Noelle goes through hell, not just due to the sheer difficulty of having her power, but because of the way her teammates and Coil treat her. They talk about Noelle like she’s already dead. They’re ashamed of bringing her the food she needs. When Krouse “includes” Noelle in a discussion in arc 12, it’s mostly perfunctory. They do not believe Noelle is human any longer. They lock her away.

Noelle doesn’t want to be put in a cage. Noelle doesn’t want to be dehumanized. In interlude 18, when we get insight into Noelle’s thoughts, we learn that what Noelle is angry about is the fact that Krouse locked her in a concrete bunker and placated her. When she tells people not to look at her, there’s a coda to that sentence that she doesn’t get to verbalize: don’t look at me like that. 

This is the person who Eidolon is going to kill. 

Via the Simurgh, this is a person Eidolon has unknowingly created.

A few thousand words of Worm go by. It’s Gold Morning. Eidolon is fighting Scion. Now, at the end of the book, we finally get substantial insight into David, the man behind the mask. 

David takes a Cauldron vial to cure his disability. David sees this as the only way out, after an unsuccessful application to join the military, and then, an unsuccessful suicide attempt. David is bearing an immense amount of shame and internalized ableism. David is worried that father’s friends are watching him. (Don’t look at me.) David cleaves the world into two kinds of people: those who can have jobs, who are liked and respected because they are useful; and people like him, who are useless.

It’s a terrible way to think. Without that worldview, how could a person not take the vial? David wants to be used, because David wants to be useful. He never gets the independence he craves – not when he’s in that level of debt to Cauldron – but he gets to be useful, and that’s one of the best things you can be.

Like Noelle’s, like Charlie’s in Flowers, David’s cure doesn’t work. His abilities are wearing off. He is essentially told, when Doctor Mother administers his booster shots, that his medicine is too expensive. 

Cauldron creates Noelle. David, as Cauldron’s soldier, has a role to play in her creation. David knows exactly what he is doing to Noelle. It happened to him. Worm fandom talks a lot about David being a father. He’s a father in more ways than one. (David’s father is always watching him.) (Don’t look at me.)

Cauldron never cures David’s ableism. In his world, you can be useful, or you can die. David asks Noelle if she wants to win. Noelle tells him no. You can have a job, or you can kill yourself. When David tries to kill Noelle to help himself, isn’t that a mercy?

Of course it isn’t. It goes without saying that all of this is extremely fucked up. When it comes to disability, “cure” is a complicated concept. I’m not going to get into all the ways it can be treated; this post is already a thousand words long. But I do think that Worm, through Noelle and David and the concept of the Cauldron vial, provides an extremely vivid picture of the problems with cure. 

Under ableist logic, when you have a disability, a cure is something you’re expected to want. Without it, the story goes, you can’t be useful. You can’t do boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. The expectation is social, like the act of staring. Your desire for it should drive how you organize your life – it is control, like a quarantine. David is crushed by that expectation. He throws his lot in with Cauldron, the cure-makers. The expectation is passed along to Noelle, and even though David can recognize that inheritance, he cannot imagine any other way to respond to it other than attempted murder.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that Flowers for Algernon is a tragedy. The reason that story has stuck with me so long is that I keep going back and forth as to why. Is it a tragedy because Charlie goes back to being disabled? There’s a good chance that’s what the author intended. I don’t know. It would be a pretty shitty story if that were the case. Is it a tragedy because people only treat Charlie well when he’s “cured,” and when that stops, he’ll go back to abuse? Seems plausible. I don’t think there’s one right answer. Regardless, when you’re disabled, there’s an immense pressure to seek out a cure, and a cognizable loss when it is withheld. The fact that Worm captures that social pressure and social loss so well is extremely compelling for me, and I’m going to be thinking about these characters for a long time.

[serendipitous-seven]

i can't wait to tell you, "i told ya'." | jungkook x f!reader

summary: Jeon Jungkook is a successful realtor with a big house, a nice car, colorful dating life, and a spunky 7-year-old daughter to boot…he’s also your best friend who you used to be in love with. Of course, he was never made aware because you swear it’s all in the past…until it isn’t. But going on a cruise with Jungkook and his daughter whom you adore should be harmless. Absolutely nothing can go wrong…Right?

pairing: jeon jungkook x f!reader genre: fluff, angst, crack, idiots [i say that with luv for my characters] word count: 17.2k  tags/warnings: a child [Mai] is present throughout the entire story, implication of absent birth mother, serial dater JK, so much pining, pg language, conversation about sleeping around/risking pregnancy, legal-aged drinking & getting drunk, hurtful words/heated argument, isolation, blurb about reader struggling to eat, Mai experiences anxiety [I promise she is okay], plethora of cheesy occurrences, much fluff & angst all because sowoozoo-muster-JK wrecked me

series mlist

this is a repost from my old blog, moon-write.

Thank you to the realest one, @hyungieyoongi, for not only wanting to beta-read this insanity for me when I initially enlisted her for help, but also for hyping me up while doing it. Her editing gave this story clarity ;; 

disclaimer: the portrayal of Jungkook in this story is purely fictional & does not reflect who he is in real life nor do I claim to believe it does. lastly, this story is not a part of my dad!bts series, a serendipitous life - singledad!jungkook is in its own universe.

a/n: GUYS. this story was purely created because I was under the influence of sowoozoo/muster JK back in 2021. I am so beyond excited to bring this back and share this cracked out fic again, I truly hope you all enjoy it and just have fun reading it.

“Mai, don’t be so dramatic,” you take the little girl’s hands into yours, dusting off the chalk from her palms, “look-see, it comes off!”

She beams up at you with a know-it-all smile before taking yellow chalk from the bucket and continuing her doodle on the concrete. You watch her as she makes a big circle, stopping to make sure it’s just right before looking at you once more.

“Can you make the lines?” She inquires with big eyes, you run your hand through her long hair and happily oblige; Mai stands and watches you, pressing her hand onto your shoulder; “daddy will like it!”

You chuckle, nodding, “your dad will love it.”

She kneels, taking blue chalk this time to draw clouds, a mixture of pastel colors in the shape of her handprint now adorning the sleeve of your shirt.

Adding butterflies to the chalk creation per Mai’s request, you hear the back gate open, and following is the sound of Mai’s jovial squeals. Quick to abandon the chalk, she runs into the doting arms of her father, Jungkook. Uncaring to her chalky hands, Jungkook sweeps Mai into a hug with no intention of letting go.

“Kiss,” he mutters to her as you walk over, dusting your hands off on your jeans. Mai presses her smaller palms onto his cheeks, squishing them in the process of giving him a quick peck.

“Oops,” she giggles, noticing the chalk she’s left on his cheeks.

“We made you a drawing,” Mai soon forgets, wiggling to move Jungkook forward. He smiles at you, following his daughter’s direction to the drawing. Mai, her eyes an exact mirror of her father’s, watches him as he takes it all in. 

Jungkook marvels at his little girl’s work; “thank you, babe,” he says, kissing Mai’s cheek who nods with pride, bunny teeth sticking out. She looks over at you, singing your praises for bringing the bucket of chalk as a surprise.

“I told you I’d bring a surprise if you got A’s and B’s, right?” You smile, winking at Mai.

Jungkook thanks you before telling Mai to run inside and wash up for dinner. You follow him to the patio table and take a seat, noting the exhaustion of another long day falling over him. He runs his hand over his face, closing his eyes for a moment before remembering his best friend is still there.

You offer him a pitiful smile, drawing him to roll his eyes and laugh, “what?”

You shake your head, “nothing.”

He straightens his gaze but even then, a hint of his sweet smile remains noticeable, “it’s never nothing.”

“But it really is this time. Besides,” you laugh, “am I never not worried about you and Mai?”

He just nods.

“You’re doing a great job Jungkook,” you pat his tattooed arm, “you are the light of her life.”

Jungkook looks back at the chalk drawing Mai doodled on the concrete, giggling to himself. Caught in his stupor and the innocence of his daughter, he comes to, looking at you; “these last seven years would have gone a lot differently if we didn’t have you though.”

-Seven years ago-

“It’s okay,” you try to soothe a newborn Mai but her shrill cries drown out your voice. You burn a trail around the living room as you pace, stealing glances at Jungkook who’s sat at the edge of his sofa. With clumps of his hair gathered between fisted palms, he’s never looked so defeated.

“Let’s try feeding her again,” you stand in front of him, hand reaching for the bottle next to him. Too caught in the frantic cry of his baby, he doesn’t hear you.

“Jungkook,” your tone is stern and you nudge his foot with yours, “come on, you can’t give up now, get it together.” A moment of hurt sweeps over his eyes when he looks up at you, but keeping your feet on firm ground, you push away the guilt that rushes you. 

You clear your throat, “her bottle Jungkook, please.”

He does as you say, his eyes wide as he looks at his daughter for the first time since you arrived. You press the rubber tip to Mai’s lips, allowing a drop of the warm formula to touch her lips, “I promise you’ll love it, Mai.” You try to joke though there is a hint of begging in your tone. 

Her cry breaks for a moment as the milk drips onto her tongue; “there you go,” laughter coats the nervous tremble in your voice this time.

You allow a couple more drops to fall onto her tongue until Mai’s cries ease into small whimpers. Her breathing staggers as she takes to the bottle, “see?” You can’t help but giggle. Looking at Jungkook, his eyes brimming with tears of frustration, he watches in shock while Mai drinks from the bottle as small puffs of air escape her nose.

“Use the rag on my shoulder to wipe her face, will you?” You ask him and he does just so, dabbing at Mai’s red cheeks, ridding her of her tears.

“I tried everything the last hour to get her to stop,” he whispers. You can see the disappointment in his eyes though he continues to marvel at the innocence wrapped in your arms. You watch as your best friend takes Mai’s foot in his hand, thoughtfully squeezing her toes before he moves his hand back to her head, rubbing her barely-there hair as far back as he can.

“Here,” you gesture for Jungkook to take his daughter and he steps back in fright. You chuckle, “you have to get used to holding her Kook, I won’t be here all the time.”

“Why?” He looks at you with all sincerity.

You shake your head, “she’ll be safe with you.”

He places the rag over his shoulder this time and holds his arms out. Mai fusses during the exchange and Jungkook shushes her in a gentle prive as he holds her against his chest; “just hold the bottle upright - yeah,” you say as you help to adjust her in his arms. 

He cradles his large hand behind her head while her tiny body rests along his arm. He stands straight as a pin, fear taking up most of his expression as he looks down on his feeding daughter.

“Is this the first time you’re holding her?” You ask.

He gives you a look that can only mean yes, “my mom has been staying with us, she left right before you came,” he shakes his head, embarrassed to admit, “I was too scared.”

A soft laugh escapes you, “well, how’s it feel now?”

“Still scary,” he says seriously, “but I never want to put her down again.”

You stand back, watching him take all of her in. A month ago your best friend had his life made - living a bachelor lifestyle his friends envied, had a stellar career as the most sought realtor, owner of a newly built home. He was a free man who could do whatever, whenever.

That was until one drunken decision in the past came back nine months later in the form of a newborn baby.

Swaying back and forth with a slight strain in his movement, Jungkook watches Mai’s drooping lids; “can I do this?” He asks in a dream-like state leaving you to wonder if he really wanted an answer. That is until he moves his eyes to look at you. 

You shrug with a pitied smile, “you love her, right?”

He frowns for a second, nodding without hesitation.

“Then you can do it, Jungkook.”

“I’d offer for you to stay for dinner but you probably have another date with what’s-his-name,” Jungkook closes the sliding glass door behind you two, sweeping Mai into his arms. The three of you make your way into the kitchen where he sets his daughter on the counter, inspecting her hands to make sure she’s cleaned them properly.

He playfully sniffs them before kissing her palms.

“For the thousandth time, his name is Mark, and no actually,” you laugh watching the two tease each other back and forth, Jungkook’s attention split between the two of you, “I don’t think that’s happening anymore.”

He stands upright, covering Mai’s ears which only sends her into a fit to hear the adult talk, too grown for her age. She fights to move her dad’s hands but to no avail.

“Bad kisser? I knew it,” he shakes his head while moving Mai’s from side to side. Belly laughs erupt from her small body as she begs for her dad to stop.

“Shut up,” you laugh, rolling your eyes. He chuckles, removing his hands from Mai and kissing her forehead.

You sit at the end of the long dining table next to Mai, Jungkook at the head of the table as usual. He finishes reading Mai’s fortune before they look at you.

“Your turn!” Mai shouts, holding a single noodle between her trainer chopsticks.

The cookie crumbles between your fingers as you unroll the small strip of paper, clearing your throat; “an old love will come back to you.”

Jungkook dramatically ooh’s and Mai follows, her small lips shaped into a perfect circle. Victim to Mai’s purity you squeeze her nose, “who could that be?” You tease her.

“Not me,” she giggles, “maybe daddy, he’s old!”

You fall back into your chair, eyes brimming with tears as you hold onto your belly full of Chinese food, laughing at the expense of your best friend.

“Funny,” he tries not to laugh, stuffing the remains of his fortune cookie into his mouth.

Chirping crickets and a black sky surround Jungkook’s home. You listen to the sound echo up into the vaulted ceilings, looking out of the opened windows. Taken by the quiet that surrounds his place, you shut your eyes and bask in it until the sound of Jungkook’s feet shuffles down the hallway.

“I don’t know whose good side I am on,” he sighs with relief, grabbing his glass of wine on the way to the sofa, “but she falls asleep like that.” He snaps his fingers.

You smile, peeling your attention away from the window.

Now dressed in baggy clothes that swallow up his svelte build, Jungkook takes a generous sip from his glass before patting the space next to him, “so, what’s wrong with this guy?”

You stop on your way to the sofa, eyebrows raised with sarcasm, “let’s cut the attitude, yeah?”

He can’t help but laugh, moving his leg when you finally sit down, “joking,” he reassures you, “but I mean, this is the third guy you’ve rejected and I didn’t even get to meet him.”

You shrug, “like you really wanted to?” Quirking an eyebrow at him, Jungkook can’t seem to look at you, laughing into his wine glass; “who’s worse here? You’ve always had at least one thing to complain about every guy I’ve brought around.”

“The bean and I have a preliminary process when it comes to guys you date,” he shrugs, licking a stray drop of wine before it can drip onto his sweatpants.

“Yes because a seven year old has a lot to say about adults and dating,” you chuckle, pushing Jungkook’s shoulder, “anyway, you aren’t missing out on anything Kook - and besides, I don’t want to introduce people into your guys’ life until I’m sure about them this time.”

Jungkook’s playfulness dies off, the wine in his glass not as interesting as the sullen look forming on your face. He watches you, the way you bend forward, one side of your hair tucked behind your ear while you anxiously pick at your cuticles.

He nudges your knee with his so you can look at him, a reassuring smile awaiting you, “that last guy fooled us all, okay?”

You sigh as a way to say, ‘it’s forgotten…no big deal…whatever…’ but Jungkook knows it’s a stain you’ve struggled to rid of for a while; “he’s been out of my life for a long time and that’s all that matters,” you stiffen your upper lip.

“Mm, cheers to that,” he clicks his glass against your water bottle, “but seriously, can I ask you something?”

You brace yourself, nodding.

“Except for that trash bag, you always seem to find a flaw in every guy you date,” Jungkook stalls for a second, reading your temperament before continuing, “why?”

Your eyes crinkle, suddenly underneath a spotlight, “do I?”

Jungkook resorts to his scrunch-nosed laugh, “are you kidding?”

“Well, okay Mr. Dating-expert,” you cross one leg over the other taking on a new defense, “you don’t find enough flaws in the women lined up outside of your house every day - why?”

He nearly spat out his wine, setting the glass down with hands surrendered to the air, “false accusation, you know I don’t bring women back here because of Mai-”

“Okay okay, you’re right, I’m sorry,” you sit back.

He laughs, “but fair enough, I guess we both don’t have the best track record when it comes to dating.”

You stand up, pulling your bag over your shoulder, “I hate to agree since it concerns me too.”

Jungkook walks you to the front door, “I’m curious to find out who this ‘old love’ is,” you turn just as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. 

You force a smile with squinted eyes, “do you know me at all, Jeon? I don’t believe in fortunes, remember?”

He gives you a quick hug, watching you walk the path to your car; “I can’t wait to prove you wrong,” he says from the door.

You wave him off, “yeah-yeah save the love spiel for another time, goodnight!”

On your drive home, absent in mind, you rake your fingers through your hair. The bright glow of the red traffic light casts over you when you come to a full stop. ‘An old love will come back to you.’ You snort at the thought; they are simply typed words on a piece of paper. It means nothing.

“You don’t believe in stupid fortunes,’” you sing into the void of your car.

But it still makes your stomach queasy. Heart palpitating in your chest while your palm becomes sweaty as you ring it around the steering wheel.

“Let’s not go back there…”

“Hello? What do you mean no big deal?” Nic’s voice is a clear call into the late night, earning herself a stern look from you. “Whisper please,” you hiss through your teeth, “Mai never sleeps well when Jungkook is away, it was hell getting her down tonight.”

Nic looks at you with wily eyes, spinning every which way you turn before she gets dizzy; “oh my god, stop for sec!”

In a huff to clean up Mai’s after-dinner doodle session - crayons strewn across the table and several drawings she made as gifts for her dad’s return from a work trip, you look at your friend with exasperation painted on your face, “it’s literally what I mean Nic.”

She blinks in rapid-fire, sitting down on the ottoman while you work around the dining room. “So I’m crazy, okay yeah. Because telling me that you’re in love with your best friend of a million years is totally normal.”

You shudder at how easily those words come out of Nic’s mouth while Jungkook’s daughter sleeps in your bed. Too young to understand anyway, you can’t help but want to protect Mai from this very sensitive information about her dad.

Nic rolls her eyes, “oh relax, she’s asleep now. I’m spiraling over here, okay?”

“Just, come on,” you hit the side of your leg with the cleaning rag, desperate to get your point across, “discretion, please? This is not information I want to be tossed around.”

“How long have you felt this way?” She watches you in your haste, cleaning every speck left on the table in an attempt to avoid the conversation. You’re steeped in regret for even mentioning it to Nic. It was a confession locked in the depths of Pandora's box. 

It just came out.

“I don’t know,” you groan, disappearing into the kitchen before returning with washed hands and deadpan eyes.

Nic twists around the ottoman to face you when you come around, plopping yourself on the sofa.

“That’s a lie,” she states the obvious.

The popcorn texture of your ceiling suddenly becomes interesting when you toss your head back. I need to get my ceilings smoothed. You think to yourself while Nic waits. She won’t back down.

“I remember the exact moment I fell in love with him,” you sigh, tossing your hands up only to bring them back down on the cushions. You sit upright and look at Nic, “but it’s futile to even detail that because it’s never going to happen.”

“Do you want it to? I mean really want it to? Because he has a kid…”

Eyebrows knit together, you both have to laugh at that.

“I mean, you know, getting with Jungkook means taking on a child - although worthy to mention, a kid who absolutely adores you-”

“Please, don’t make me hurt more,” you press the pads of your fingers over your shut eyes, “I can’t even fathom how much it would confuse her - and I won’t entertain this past today. I can’t.”

“You’ve obviously been holding onto this for a long time-”

“And it ends today. Jungkook is my best friend, I vowed to be here for him and Mai as his friend, that’s it.”

“Okay, and when he finds a suitable woman and falls in love with her, then what?”

You can’t help the sadness that overwhelms your entire chest, eyes piercing through Nic, “ouch.”

“I’m sorry,” she takes on a new look of pity, leaning forward, “but that’s the reality, isn’t it? If you aren’t willing to-”

“Willing to what Nic? Confess to Jungkook and ruin our friendship? Ruin my relationship with Mai?” You retort, smiling because this is just too ridiculous to even consider.

“How can you assume he doesn’t feel the same?” Nic rebuttals.

You shake your head, “it’s not happening.”

That was 2 years ago. A night you remember all too clearly but push away along with the feelings steaming inside of you - chewed up and swallowed only to return from time to time like a bad case of acid reflux.

You scoff at the fortune bouncing around in your head, “not happening.”

“What are we shopping for exactly?” Nic comes up next to you, raking through the neutral-toned tops with not much of a care about what she is seeing.

“Um,” you pick out two tank tops and hold them up against you waiting for her approval, “that cruise I’m going on next month - didn’t we talk about it?”

“Oh yeah, wait-who are you going with and why was I not invited?” She queries, noting the way you move swiftly toward the dressing rooms.

You chuckle, “I didn’t plan this trip, I was invited,” you shut the door to the changing room before Nic can follow you in. She leans against it, quirking an eyebrow, “cheeky,” she laughs, “who invited you?”

She listens to you mull over your choices, hearing your feet shuffle on the carpeted floor; “uh, Jungkook did.”

You are immediately met with silence, peeking at the bottom of the mirror where Nic’s feet reflect as she turns to face the door. “Come again? You failed to mention this romantic getaway would be with your best friend-” 

Opening the door, Nic nearly falls in when you catch her. You roll your eyes; “have you always been this dramatic?”

She shrugs, “one of us has to be-back to my question.”

“Not a romantic getaway, Mai is coming and-”

“Wh-like a family vacation-”

“Nic!” Your jaw sets and she shuts it quickly, “his parents are also going, okay?”

Your friend blinks in disbelief and you give her a look that wills away any sarcastic comment she has at the ready. 

You have to hand it to her, she’s a witty one; “besides it’s kind of a company cruise for him, all the employees are allowed to bring guests, okay?”

“Noted,” she purses her lips. 

The silence between purchasing your items and the walk to the car is thick with Nic’s wandering mind.

“Can you just answer one thing for me?” You’re already sighing before she can ask her question once at the car. Tossing your bags in the back before getting into the driver’s seat with Nic buckled up and raring to go; “have you worked through all of that - you know, your feelings?”

You nod, “for the most part.” Nic drops her forehead into her hands, kneading away at her temples and you have to laugh, “okay, yes I have, is that better Nicola?”

“If you weren’t such a bad liar, yeah it would be!” Nic tentatively shoves your shoulder, laughing with you, “how do you manage it because I sure as hell could not.”

You relax for a moment coming to a red light, “Mai is number one here, how she feels matters first-”

“That is very noble of you, but hello, you’re human and your feelings matter too,” Nic adds with pointed inflect, “and I can’t believe I’m saying this but Jungkook should know better, inviting you to family functions like the three of you are a family before he runs off with some random-”

“Nic,” you send a wavering look her way, “I don’t mind watching Mai when I have the time, I love her-she’s like-” you startle yourself, “I just love her, alright? I don’t mind it.”

Nic shakes her head when you turn away, your eyes set back on the road. An uneasy feeling settles inside of her, wondering how you’d managed to lie into believing all of that; “Look, you know I care about you. I know he does too I just think he’s a little blind and I’m just worried it’s hurting you-”

“I’m fine,” you practically sing.

“Okay, so you are now but it will hurt you eventually if you keep pretending like this,” Nic flattens her tone.

“I said I am fine,” you say with emphasis, “anyway, it’s Sunday which means dinner at their house-” you look at her knowing she has a smirk waiting for you. You both look at each other on instinct, eyes squinted at one another, “so I am inviting you to come with, okay?”

You both laugh; “yeah whatever, I’ll join your weird not-family-tradition for tonight.”

Sunday dinner with the Jeons proceeds as usual given the extra guest. Nic prides herself on where she can observe the oddities of your friendship with Jungkook and his daughter. Even she, sworn to never birth children herself, can’t help the fluttering of her ovaries as she watches the camaraderie built between you and Jungkook’s daughter. Mai teasingly stiffens her upper lip, shoving her face near yours while a goofy voice bellows out of her. You roll your eyes at her, laughing before attacking her sides with tickling fingers.

It’s a smile on Jungkook’s face that Nic hasn’t seen before. Spending many a night out with the two of you and friends, she’s used to the suave Jungkook she’s seen at clubs. The way he talks to women, motions for them, how he sticks his tongue out just enough for flirtatious emphasis when he’s curled up with one. His ego is seen clearly across the dance floor; Nic is sure her face is turning green at the very thought of it.

“Alright kiddo,” Jungkook stretches, “it’s late-”

“Dad,” Mai whines, clinging on to you. You hide your laugh, noting the way she tries to fight her sleepiness in front of him.

He shakes his head, “it’s a school night Mai- bathroom - brush your teeth, now.”

You can’t help but feel sorry for her, catching her pitiful stare that has so fittingly fallen on you, you chuckle, “come on, I’ll tuck you in afterward.”

With that little bit of incentive, Mai jumps off the couch, quick to slouch when she passes by her dad, meekly waving goodbye to Nic before she disappears down the hallway; “be right back,” you call to them, following Mai’s very sad trail into the darkness.

Nic sighs, eyes quick to find Jungkook, “so-” her smile flattens when he finally looks at her.

“So?” He adds, his eyes slit in wonder. Nic has always been the wild card with a fiery tongue.

She widens her grin, “I hear you and your family are going on a cruise.”

He just nods, smiling into his glass before taking a drink, “she’s coming too.”

“I mean that was implied-” Nic snorts, “that’s sweet.”

Jungkook chuckles, catching the sarcastic look in Nic’s eyes, “what are you on about?”

“Jeon Jungkook you are clue-”

“She was falling asleep while brushing her teeth,” you come out with a hushed laugh, “practically had to carry her into bed.”

Jungkook tears his eyes away from Nic, both friends staring at you before they force a laugh. You shrug it off, grabbing your things along with Nic’s who meets you at the door. Jungkook follows, his hands shoved inside of his pockets.

“Thanks for letting me tag along,” Nic exaggerates her tone, accepting Jungkook’s hug before getting into the car.

You turn back to him with eyebrows raised and he shrugs.

“Okay, well I’m going to be pretty busy with work the next few weeks, they want overtime - god-” 

Jungkook laughs while you struggle to get your arm in the sleeve of your jacket; “the sleeve is twisted-here,’ he says, pulling it out and holding it straight for you.

“Thanks.”

“I guess we’ll see you at the ship then,” he says, playfully pushing you toward your car.

You gently kick his ankle, “night, Jeon.”

He smiles at you, bending forward to wave at Nic who offers him a short smile; “text me when you get home.”

As always, you wave to him without a second look.

“Did dad receive the confirmation for your parking spot,” Jungkook asks while swinging his keys around his pointer finger, leaving a house he just showed, “it has the information on where you’ll park your car at the port.” 

“He did and what about you, will you be doing the same?” Mrs. Jeon then asks about you, “how will she get there?”

He can’t help but giggle, his ever-curious mother always wondering about you, worrying that a small task may be a little too inconvenient for you, “you should pick her up really.”

Jungkook settles into his car, a playful eye roll following his mother’s assumptions, “already taken care of mom.”

“Good,” a sigh of relief can be heard on his end, “how is she anyway, we haven’t seen her since Mai’s little school performance.”

“Slow down, yeah?” Jungkook chuckles, “she’s busy too but good, I think anyway. She came over Sunday for dinner-”

“As usual,” Mrs. Jeon snickers to herself, “why don’t you bring her over here for dinner once in a while? I would like to see her too.”

“You really want that?” He arches an eyebrow.

Mrs. Jeon clicks her tongue, “yah, my son, you say that as if she hasn’t been an important part of my grandchild’s life. Of course, we want to see her but you say she’s always busy.”

“Oh,” he pouts, thinking it over, “well we have a whole week to catch up so you can make up for lost time then.”

“Mhm,” he could hear the smirk on his mom’s face, “she deserves a break Jungkook-ah, you know?”

Jungkook nods as if his mom could see him, “of course she does.”

“Between her work and then watching the baby, you keep her busy.”

Jungkook frowns, “yah mom, this is why Mai acts like a baby sometimes, she’s not a baby anymore, she’s turning eight-”

Mrs. Jeon clicks her tongue in protest again, “she’ll always be my grand-baby, and you - you’re forever my baby…”

He can’t help but smile this time, “yeah, I know. Anyway, you make it sound like I employ her or something, she comes in on her free time- whenever she pleases.”

“Ok ok,” his mother’s gentle laugh he can remember so clearly from childhood eases out of her, “I just worry she’ll think otherwise.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t mom,” Jungkook sighs.

“Anyway, that’s what dad and I will be there for, yeah? To spend time with Mai and give you two some free time to do whatever-”

“And some family time with all of us, but I appreciate it, I’m sure we can squeeze in a childless night.”

Mrs. Jeon chuckles before ending the call, but not before one more reminder about inviting you over to dinner sometime soon.

Jungkook laughs to himself as he pulls into his driveway. Like clockwork, Mai’s school bus arrives at the corner. He steps out and waves to the bus driver when they drive off before Mai comes running down the sidewalk and into his arms.

“Hey, dad!” She wraps her arms around his neck, kissing the cheek he purposefully puffed out for her.

“You’re getting big, bean,” he groans, faking a backache after setting her down. He rests his hand atop her head, hanging her backpack for her before they trail into the kitchen.

“Your muscles aren’t so strong anymore then,” Mai quips, tossing a quick shoulder shrug her dad’s way when he turns back from the refrigerator to glare at her.

“Smart-alec,” he mutters, tossing a small tangerine at her. She dodges it and sticks her tongue out at him, screeching when he makes a run for her. With several feet of height on his daughter, Jungkook snatches her in no time, throwing her over his shoulder, tattooed fingers tickling her sides.

Jovial screams and giggles leap out of the little girl until he tosses her on the sofa, her dark hair a wild mess and cheeks red, “not fair dad, you’re still bigger,” she pouts suddenly. Jungkook leans over the couch, laughing while swiping Mai’s hair out of her face, pinching her cheek in the process, “what do you want to eat for dinner, kid? Ordering in tonight.”

Mai jumps up in excitement, shouting your name.

He laughs, pulling his phone out to peruse a menu to order from, “not tonight- I have a work dinner, so you’ll be-”

“Not a babysitter-dad!” Mai whines, stomping her feet toward him, “I don’t want a babysitter, they aren’t fun.”

He shrugs, taking her chin in his hand and squeezing it, “sorry babe, she’s busy tonight.”

“Fine, whatever,” Mai turns in one swift motion and disappears into the den, homework in hand. 

Jungkook groans with a slight curl to his lip, “yah, whatever…” he says to himself, wondering when his 7-year-old became a teenager.

With aching feet and a dull throbbing in your head, you sit at the breakfast nook in silence, swallowed up in the pleasant darkness of your apartment.

“Is it time to retire yet?” You want to cry like a baby, be coddled like one, rocked to sleep. 

Just then a ding from your phone pulls you from your minute misery; a text message.

[Mark]: Okay, I’m going to level with you, should I stop trying? This is the third time in the last two weeks you’ve canceled our date…

You purse your lips, re-reading Mark’s message while the conversation you had with Jungkook weeks ago looms in the back of your mind.

‘Always something wrong with every guy you date…’

You shake your head; that’s not true. Mark is a very sweet guy. He is kind of introverted in a big group but alone, he’s all about you. He treats you well and as much as Jungkook wants to tease you about it - Mark is not a bad kisser.

But…

You sigh as you tap away at the keyboard.

[You]: I’m sorry Mark…as you can see, I’m not great at being forthcoming…or communicating.

[Mark]: no, what??

Haha come on I’m an adult, I can handle rejection :’)

You smile, warmed by Mark’s playful attitude.

[You]: Is it worse if I say that you are a great friend? Because you really are.

[Mark]: Oo yeah, that hurts a little but you’re good, I’ll find some way to get over you..

[You]: Don’t make it worse >< seriously Mark, you’ve been good to me these last few months, it’s nothing personal.

[Mark]: you deserve it and I’m sure the guy knows it already

Your eyes widen.

[You]: Sorry.. what are you talking about?

[Mark]: Come on I’m not stupid either haha every time we were together and that kid called or her dad, you dropped everything to talk to them. Rubbing salt in my wound here, but didn’t you leave our date once to be with her?

Oh, that guy.

[You]: Right…He’s my best friend…and his daughter I mean yeah, I would do anything for her. So I can’t apologize for that, but this is even more proof that you are a great guy!

[Mark]: hahaha, ok I got it, I have to say this is the least demoralizing way any woman has rejected me before

[You]: You’re welcome? Haha. Good night (:

It couldn’t have gone any better, the guilt over Mark that settled in your stomach was now gone, but you couldn’t figure out why it didn’t make you feel better.

Mark is smart but he was wrong. Well…maybe answering Mai’s phone call that one night, while you and Mark were making out on his couch, was a bit excessive? You cringe at the thought…

Peeling yourself from those memories and the barstool proves easier when your incentive is to no longer question what everyone around you seems to have common knowledge of. Pouring water into a steel pot, you set it on the stove to boil for some ramen.

Not long after your meal is done your phone rings with the Jeons’ home number flashing across the screen; “Bean?” You answer, knowing it’s Mai since Jungkook only calls you from his cell phone.

You are greeted with an exasperated huff before she whispers harshly into the phone, “why didn’t you come watch me tonight?”

Choosing to eat straight from the pot because it was one of those days, you bring it into the living room, a grimace on your face, “my sincerest apologies kid. I told your dad I’d be busy with work since we’re all going on vacation soon.”

“Oh, well, I don’t like this babysitter, she treats me like a little kid,” you almost choke on your first bite of noodles, stifling a laugh at Mai’s dispense.

“Okay one - you are a kid and two - be nice, three - where is your dad?”

Mai scoffs with gusto into the phone, “work dinner,” she exasperates, “dad thinks I’m a dummy, I know he’s on a date.”

Your heart drops and with it goes your appetite, setting the half-eaten food down on your coffee table. You move the phone away for a moment, allowing yourself a second to let out a long breath before continuing, “how do you know that, you know your dad is a busy guy, he goes on plenty of work dinners.”

“Hm- again I’m smart, dad says he is going on company dinners when it’s actually with work people,” Mai’s tone is flippant, “but when it’s a date? He calls them ‘work dinners.’”

“Oh right,” you curse yourself for having this adult conversation with a child, “duh.”

Mai laughs, “dad has been going on a lot of work dinners-”

You clam your eyes shut, “y-you know what bean, I’m sorry but I’m exhausted- are you in any immediate danger that requires me to come over there?

“No,” Mai sighs with obvious disappointment, “I guess not.”

Even with the unsettling of your heart, Mai always manages to melt you to your core, “you sure?”

“Dad would be mad if I made you come here, I’m okay, I just miss you I guess,” her voice suddenly drops, and the little kid is back. The innocence you love so much about her pulls you in.

“I miss you too,” you say, “but hey- the cruise is coming up soon, okay? You’ll have your grandparents, your dad-”

“And you, duh,” she adds.

You shake your head, chuckling, “and me.”

After talking her through her irritation and simply missing the two people that are her entire world, Mai hangs up a little more satisfied.

You? You call it an early night, ignoring the dreaded feeling hanging from your heartstrings.

You aren’t sure how to feel once you wake up on the first day of vacation. Having lost sleep over the last week while bitterly packing for the cruise, you thought up several ways you could have canceled before getting to this day. Picking up your phone on several occasions to text Jungkook only to picture Mai’s disappointment. She likely would have shed a tear or two at your expense.

Finally the night before, you swallowed back your pride and zipped up your packed suitcase which was now sitting in the back of Jungkook’s trunk with the rest of their things. He and Mai sang along to a song while you tapped your hand against your leg, unable to keep the smile away from your face for long.

Mrs. Jeon greets you eagerly after smothering Mai in kisses, taking the three of you ahead as you enter the ship.

“Home for the next week,” Jungkook comes up from behind and puts his arm around you, pressing his palm into Mai’s hair and messing with it while she tries to fight him off. You move away from him and walk towards the elevators, “shall we settle in our rooms?”

Mai is the first to react, running toward you and grabbing your hand in the process before the rest follow.

Once in the rooms with Jungkook’s parents only a few doors down from your suite, Mai pops in and out of the door connecting your room to theirs, “we can have sleepovers every night!” She cheers.

You shake your head, laughing at her excitement while still taking it all in yourself. Jungkook comes in from your balcony, pressing two fingers against Mai’s forehead when she goes throttling toward him, “relax monster,” he chuckles, “and not every night, okay?”

“Okay, but at least when you go on work dinners,” Mai peers passed Jungkook’s hip at you making a face too devilish for a child, “I can sleep in her room?”

You’re glad the bed is there to catch you when you sit back. Jungkook gently pushes her head back, laughing, “we’ll see.”

You have to swallow back that all too familiar sickness, “come on Kook, it’s vacation.” Mai leaps forward with a toothy smile, “yeah dad, vacation!” She shouts, wrapping her arms around Jungkook’s legs. 

You watch the two of them dance around your room, Mai standing on top of Jungkook’s feet while they tease each other; “duck feet,” Mai says, proceeding to quack at her father.

“Do you uh- you have to work while we’re here?” You ask Jungkook. He sticks his bottom lip out and shakes his head, “nope, just one brunch with a few colleagues but that’s it.”

You despise the relief that immediately washes over you.

Switching into vacation mode proves a lot easier than you anticipated, given the new information Mai shared with you during that one phone call. You hate to admit it to yourself, but seeing Jungkook stick around for the first couple of days provides relief for you that he is in fact, not going on any work dinners this trip.

Shut up shut up shut UP…

Your thoughts eat away at your brain while you sit poolside, taking a break from carrying Mai around on your shoulders like a mermaid - per her request. You were her throne and she, the mermaid princess of an undersea world, Jungkook the villainous merman out to seek her crown. After a victorious battle against said merman, you urge Mai to continue playing with her dad because being the throne is a weighty job.

Watching them is almost better.

Like a shooting star, a smile beams across your face, sitting back to hold yourself together, barking with laughter when Jungkook throws Mai into the air. A shriek of excitement falls out of her until she lands safely in a big splash.

Jungkook raptures you as you look over to find his head tossed back, perfect teeth showing as he laughs with every part of his being - eyes closed, the only visible part of his face is the utter joy he is feeling.

Your heart beats faster, cheeks grow hotter but not from the sun. Like the kind of gasp that escapes you during a jump scare in a horror movie, a memory locked so deep floods your head. You lower the brim of your hat to hide the immediate tears that flood your eyes, relieved to see Jungkook and Mai continue to chase each other around the pool, making waves while splashing one another.

It was a long day, Jungkook enlisted your help with a colicky baby Mai in need. You read up on as many articles as you could before heading over to their place, finding him in a panic though he was trying to repress it for the time being.

With much effort on both ends, Mai was finally asleep after hours of fussing. Jungkook, desperate for his daughter’s relief to the point of tears, you decided to leave them alone in his bedroom while you claimed a spot on the couch. 

Waking up hours later, the sun is long gone. You head to his bedroom to say goodbye.

The door is still open and you find Jungkook lying on his side with his back to you, instead of sleeping like you initially assumed, he is humming. One hand rests under his head while the other moves in an up-and-down motion. You stand on your tiptoes and see Mai is still asleep, laid out on her back with her limbs sticking out, you cover your mouth to stifle a chuckle.

She looks angelic - long eyelashes tickling the tops of her chubby cheeks, you can even hear her heavy breathing beyond Jungkook’s soft hum.

“Is it possible to be this in love?” His voice captures your ears but it’s a welcomed sound. You can’t see his face but you’re sure he’s near to tears for the second time that day. Pushing off of the wall, you walk to the edge of the bed. Jungkook’s eyes dart to you, dropping his head, silently laughing at himself.

You pat his ankle, a chummy smile covering your face only to tease him, “I’m heading home, will you two be okay?”

He looks back at Mai before nodding, “thank you,” he sighs before moving out of bed but you try to stop him, assuring him that you can make it to the door in one piece.

“When do I ever let you walk out alone?” He whispers, kissing Mai’s cheek before carefully moving off the bed. He follows you to the front door. When you turn to wish him and Mai a full night’s rest, he swallows you in a hug. You stand stiff for a moment, unable to recall if this was something that had ever occurred before. You weren’t the bear-hugging type of friend.

Even more, you can feel your heart thrum against Jungkook’s and suddenly it becomes natural as you melt into his hold. You wrap your arms around his middle to which he pulls you closer and tighter.

Eyes closed, the feeling of being in his arms is overwhelming and cheesy as it all feels, you have to will the tears away as a rush of feelings come flooding over you. Every over-thought you’d wondered up to this moment is answered.

‘Am I falling for him? No…wait.

Do I love my best friend?’

“We love you,” Jungkook says close to your ear, shaking you from your thoughts, but with them are the crackings of your heart, “I don’t say that enough,” he adds. He finally releases you and you have to pull yourself together in a second.

“Jungkook, I told you I’d be here for you and Mai- no question.” You manage to say, clearing your throat.

Walking away from his house that night, you know for you, it’s all changed.

A shrill cry of your name jolts you awake, cold water splashing your midriff. Your eyes focus back and on Mai who is now sitting on Jungkook’s shoulders, “let’s race,” she says. Without hesitance you jump in after them, pulling a giggling Mai into the pool with you who begs for mercy.

After a warm shower, sleep proves victor over the book Mai begged hands and knees for you to read, but by the time you washed up and changed into fresh pajamas, Mai’s face was planted into Jungkook’s pillow, hair splayed across the white pillowcase.

Jungkook hears you chuckle from his place on the balcony. Turning to look over his shoulder just as you kiss Mai’s head, a gentle flutter in his chest mimics the rocking of the ship.

“She’s going to need an entire week to recuperate after this trip,” you come out and sit on the bench with him, drawing your legs up and holding them to your chest. Jungkook’s silence makes you curious, but when you look over, the look on his face tells you why.

Brows are set straight with his arms crossed in front of his chest, you can see every thought that's running through his mind. Instead of pegging him with a question, you tap his leg with your foot. He takes a sharp breath in, laughing at himself when he looks at you.

“I was just thinking,” he groans, moving forward to rest his face in his hands. Your heart crawls out of your chest in search of a way to soothe your best friend, yet all the same, you just want to hold him.

“I was just thinking…” he sighs with a shrug, “back when I was twenty-one, convinced I was this big hotshot with a realtor’s license and brand new BMW,” he laughs in shame, “ah- then all of a sudden there’s a helpless baby who I had no time to prepare for.”

You remember that time with him; recalling the day Jungkook called you to his then apartment, voice too shaken to explain why he needed you there as he returned a missed call from the local hospital. Of course, your mind assumed he was diagnosed with some kind of illness. 

But with the call on speaker, you watched the color drain from his face as child protective services spoke to him on the other end. Words are thrown around like fireballs- ‘your name was put on the birth certificate by her birth mother Mr. Jeon…a DNA test has been ordered so we will need you to come down to the clinic to complete it. For now, the infant will be placed with our services upon release from the hospital.’

‘No,’ he was quick to respond, ‘no-don’t do that please, I’ll bring her home. Can-can I bring her home?’

“You didn’t need that test to prove what you already knew,” you add, watching the way your best friend runs his hands back and forth through his hair. 

He took the test anyway and it was of course confirmed that Mai was his; “when you called me over, I couldn’t imagine what they would say and that was definitely the farthest thing from my mind.”

“Wouldn’t change it for the world now that I know I’m a capable dad but-” his confidence drops and you sit forward, bending your head until you can see his face.

“But what?” You ask.

“Any chance at falling in love is out the window-” you can hear the guilt in his voice when he says that. He sits back and you follow, keeping your eyes on him. He chuckles with a crooked grin, “what?”

“Why do you do that? It doesn’t hurt you?”

He sighs, looking back at the water, “it’s easier, isn’t it? Sleeping around rather than risking a broken heart?”

“Jungkook, Mai’s mother-she was foolish for leaving you and even more for leaving Mai-I mean let’s not forget she, herself never even told you about your child in the first place-”

“Yeah but I’m still an idiot for even going there with her, I knew all she wanted was something casual and I gave it to her just so I could feel something.” He shakes his head.

“But one really good thing came out of that, right?” You push, taking your fingers and nudging his chin to force a smile on his face. 

He doesn’t argue, thinking of the little girl that is sound asleep inside.

A quiet hum settles inside of your chest drawing Jungkook to look at you. Your eyes set on the moonlight reflecting against the water; “I love your kid Jungkook.”

Just looking at your smile when you turn to face him, it’s a sight that nestles deep inside of his chest; “I already did before you even brought her home but I swear, my heart almost can’t take how much I love Mai.”

The gentle rock of the boat begins to lull you into sleep; chilly ocean air creates goosebumps over your skin as you fight your eyes rolling back, your breathing slows as a content hum comes out of you. Jungkook watches you for a moment, noticing the slight chatter in your teeth that pulls a giggle from him, “come here.”

Your heavy eyelids open to look at him, blinking inquisitively as he brings you closer to him. “I’m trying to warm you up,” he chuckles with another tug of your hand. He scoots down to rest his head along the sofa so you can lay your head comfortably on his shoulder; Jungkook’s body heat is all you need to fully accept his invitation.

“Just so you know,” he clears his throat, “because I know how my kid is,” Jungkook’s voice sounds like a subtle purr, “she loves you too.”

Caught in a haze of exhaustion and more emotion than your heart can handle, you nuzzle against Jungkook’s shoulder, willing yourself to fall asleep with those sentiments in mind. 

On the cusp of a deep sleep, you swear you feel Jungkook press his lips to the top of your head as he carries you off into the room.

When you wake up in the morning, you’re immediately aware this is not your bed though it isn’t entirely unfamiliar. Your heart launches in your throat as you sit up on your elbows, eyes pressed shut.

Okay now!

They pop open, your initial concern to find Jungkook lying there settles when you see Mai at your side. Her long raven hair strung across her face. 

A snore causes you to jump; awakened by his snore, Jungkook looks at you with one eye open, his body contorted to the size of the narrow cot meant for Mai. His feet dangling off the edge.

“You could have slept in my bed,” you snort.

He sits up, the sheet falling off to reveal his rippled chest and abs. You’ve seen his muscles several times, but the setting is far too intimate this time. You have to look away, pulling Mai’s hair off of her face. Jungkook stands and stretches, “it was nice falling asleep to you guys’ breathing- peaceful,” he says before disappearing into the bathroom.

The days go by too fast. Each one was filled with various activities tailored to Mai as she enjoyed the time with her grandparents. On several occasions, she couldn’t help but announce how happy she was to have her favorite people with her all at the same time.

Although, on the second to last night, you fail to ignore when Jungkook doesn’t return from that brunch as soon as he assured Mai he would, showing up early in the evening sans tie and a fresh mark on the side of his neck.

He comes lazily into your room after a shower, greeted by Mai with open arms, “where were you?” She asks, pressing her face into his side.

“I’m sorry.” His answer is short and hardly an answer. You turn away to hide your disappointment, closing the coloring book Mai was using and putting away her crayons; “your parents said you had unexpected business come up after brunch?” You ask.

He looks at you and nods.

Liar.

“But look bean,” he picks Mai up, conveniently placing her where she can’t point out the hickey, “you’re going to dinner alone with grandma and grandpa tonight, okay?” Mai throws her head back, “you’re abandoning me again?”

You can’t help but laugh, curiosity pushing away the heaviness in your chest, “wait, why?”

Jungkook looks at Mai, “cover your ears.”

“But-”

He curls an eyebrow at her and with a loud scoff, she does as he says.

“They want us to have a night out. We can go to the club downstairs - dancing and drinks?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you.

You shake your head, laughing while your resolve not to give in slips away, “I have a dress that deserves to be seen, might as well.”

While Jungkook spends the last few hours of daylight with Mai, you don’t waste any time and get ready. It isn’t often you can pamper yourself like this; hair laid sleek against your back, taking time on your makeup to ensure its lasting quality because you plan to dance away the troubles of your heart.

Just as you buckle the other strap to your heel, there’s a knock at the main door of your room. You peer into Jungkook and Mai’s room through the connecting door which has remained open the majority of the trip, remembering he left just a few minutes before to drop Mai off at his parents’ room.

You open it without much thought, stumbling back when you come face to face with your best friend. He catches you by the wrist, chuckling.

His hair is combed with an effortless side part, thick bangs swept on either side of his forehead. His patterned buttoned-down stands out though the short sleeves allow his tattoos to be on display. White slacks and a new pair of shoes adorn his lower half while a touch of gold jewelry ties it all together. Pushing your figurative tongue back into your mouth, you offer a simple compliment before stepping out.

Going unnoticed is the way Jungkook’s eyes slink over your figure, selfishly detailing in his memory how your dress fits you in all the right places.

“Hurry up slowpoke,” you call to him, already halfway down the hallway. He looks at you, wondering if you’ve caught him staring. You choose to turn away before he can see the smirk on your face.

Music booms around you while a colorful group of people aged from 21 to 90 fills the space for a final night of hoorah as you settle at the bar. Your feet are already aching after Jungkook pulled you straight onto the dance floor when you initially arrived. Having clubbed with him on many occasions, you aren’t surprised by his rhythm and ease in gyrating his hips to the music. Perhaps a little closer to you than you are used to, but you’ll allow a pass tonight. And really, are you complaining?

No. But you choose to ignore that voice in your head.

Jungkook is looking around until he finds your eyes. You blink, clearing your throat, “I have a confession.” He scoots in closer so he can hear you better, eyes dropping to meet yours. Stirring in his seat, you wonder if he’s fidgeting out of discomfort.

Liquid courage pushes you to continue, “I broke into my minibar and had a little pre-game before you came,” you admit. Jungkook drops his head and laughs at you again. His eyes squint beneath a beaming smile, you practically choke at how beautiful he looks, “y-you might have to carry me back to my room later.” Your tongue suddenly feels numb as you stumble over your words.

He nods, “you deserve to let loose,” his expression takes on more sincerity, “you do so much for me and Mai.”

If not for the mood lighting flashing in various colors, you swear Jungkook’s face is flushed. His blinks are slow and you wonder when he’ll stop looking at you like that-

“Here you are.” The bartender barrages in with your drinks. You jump slightly while Jungkook thanks the man, a straight line forming his lips.

After two shots and another finished drink, Jungkook is ready to dance into the wee hours of the morning. Head caught in a constant loop after those shots, you insist he goes on his own. Just then a woman’s voice appears close to your ear, causing you to jump back. Jungkook looks to where you are with some sort of a smile appearing on his face but you can hardly make it out through a hazy gaze.

He’s saying your name and you make every effort to concentrate, “this is my colleague, Rosie.”

Rosie smiles at you but you notice more the way her hands are wrapped around Jungkook’s bicep and then the way she moves her hand to smooth across his shoulders, tucking her fingers beneath his collar.

Rosie from brunch. You smile, “nice to meet you.” You can’t help when your eyes ghost over the mark on Jungkook’s neck once more, the one you’ve had to pretend wasn’t there the entire night.

“Likewise,” she hardly spares you a second look before her eyes are glued to Jungkook’s, “let’s go dance.”

Jungkook sets his attention on you when you stand, making it a point to plant your feet firmly on the ground, “go, I need to use the restroom.”

Rosie wastes no time and pulls Jungkook away.

You groan, staring at yourself in the mirror, eyes weighed down with one too many drinks though you’re still able to stand on your own. That deserves a pat on the back along with your determination to not allow this night to go sour as you make your way out to the dance floor once more.

But it all comes to a screeching halt when you spot Rosie and Jungkook, even more, the way his lips hover dangerously close over the skin of her neck, his hand smoothing over her waist. Their bodies are pressed together as they dance with not an inch of breathing space to spare between the two.

You can’t help the fire that rages through you though tears sting your eyes. Before he can see, given he even looks up for one minute, you make a desperate escape towards the exit.

Stupid..so stupid. Stupid on a monumental level. What did you think was going to happen-he’d magically fall in love with you on this trip? Yes…NO.

You sniffle as you rub the heels of your feet, skin red from the pain inflicted by your choice of footwear. Even after a long shower, scrubbing the black makeup off your eyes that melted onto the bags that are now present - you can’t shake the aching in your chest.

“Ugh,” you groan, tossing yourself back onto your bed. Hair still sopping wet from your shower and dressed in your comfiest pajamas, nothing could soothe you at this point. Mind still swimming in a drunken state, you wish you could just black out already.

Click.

The door to Jungkook and Mai’s room closes. You shoot up into a sitting position once more, immediately regretting that. Jungkook peers in through that middle door, chuckling at you and a little less drunk than you. He always held his liquor better than you did.

That fire flickers in you once more, so slight but it causes you to twitch. You can’t un-notice it, even when you look away for a moment while he moves over to you. His hair is a mess, shirt hastily buttoned, and the collar is tinted pink, not to mention the faded lipstick marks around his jaw. He steps any closer to you and you could name the brand of perfume she was wearing.

“Club closed like two hours ago,” your words are still a bit slurred. Jungkook just chuckles, “yeah, I’m beat.” You shake your head while he moves back in the direction of his room.

“Old habits die hard,” you mutter venomously.

Jungkook cocks his head, taken aback, “what?”

You straighten your shoulders when he looks at you, “are you really going to risk putting yourself in this same situation again? Just for a one-night stand? Have you forgotten how Mai came into the picture?” The deep frown on your face is hardly enough to hide how you swallow back the gasp following your accusation. The dagger you’ve pierced him with digs into his back while a crushing pain swallows him whole, you can see the crumbling beneath your best friend’s eyes.

His cheeks grow red when he turns back towards the door, “go to sleep,” he mumbles in a tone that has the ground shaking, tossing his room key to the side, “you’re drunk.”

You flinch when he slams the door shut.

The swaying of the boat doesn’t help the unsettling waves in your stomach and throbbing head. Even with the new presence of another person on the balcony, your head remains cradled in your hands.

“Here,” Jungkook says in a low tone but it still makes your head throb. He reaches out to you with a water bottle in hand, “and take these.”

You peer up, the torturous rays of the sun hurt your eyes. You shake your head. Jungkook smacks his tongue in disapproval, taking up the bottom space of the lounging chair you're sitting on. He opens the bottle for you and brings it up to your lips, “stubbornness won’t make you feel better, drink.”

“Oh god, please don’t say that word,” you retch, taking a sip. Another second later Jungkook pops the two aspirin into your mouth, assisting you with another swig of water.

The rushing waves settle around you but the awkward silence can be cut with the dagger Jungkook was still holding onto. He sighs, looking away from the wooden deck of the balcony.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so drunk before,” he says. The strained laughter that follows makes your chest grow hot along with the heaviness in his tone.

You feel his gaze fall over you and you finally look up at him, removing your sunglasses. He doesn’t tear his attention away from you, waiting to see if you’ll do anything, say anything.

“Do you remember-”

You’re nodding before he can finish his sentence, “I remember what I said.” You wish you didn’t, probably even more than Jungkook wishes he never heard it.

Jungkook sits there a little bit stunned, straightening his back and you can see the frown grow on his brow, “not that I owe you any explanation - I didn’t sleep with her, we just - I don’t know I just couldn’t-”

You question him with your eyes, “you’re right Jungkook, you don’t need to explain anything to me, we’re both adults.” You cut him off before it can hurt anymore, irritation lining your tone which Jungkook picks up on the latter. Somehow he still misses the longing behind your eyes.

“How about some leniency? I’m trying to be nice even though you insulted me last night-”

“You don’t have to be nice to me, I was out of line so let’s just drop it. I’m sorry for ever saying anything-”

“Will you let me care about you?” He snaps back. It catches you off guard, even when he’s been angry in the past, he’s never snapped at anybody. But the shock isn’t enough to stop you from feeling angry too.

“What are you talking-if this is you caring about me then please, spare me. I mean y-you came back to the room like nothing-” you groan out of frustration, swinging your legs over the lounge chair to stand up. The uneven weight nearly sends Jungkook to the ground but he manages to catch himself.

“Like nothing-what?” Jungkook follows you into your room.

“Nothing Jungkook, nothing happened, that’s what I mean. And you know what, nothing is ever going to happen,” you mutter, tossing clothes into your opened suitcase.

He grasps for the words falling from your mouth, managing to hear every last one, “what do you mean?”

You shake your head, “look let’s just give each other space, yeah? We only have today left so let me just do what you brought me here to do - let me do what I do best apparently.”

The riddled expression on his face only makes you grow more impatient for him to leave you alone; “that’s why I’m here right Jungkook - to take care of Mai while you rendezvous? I’m just a babysitter for Mai - that’s all I’ve ever been to you since she was born, right?”

His eyes grow cold while your words only chip away at him more and more, “you’re my best friend, I invited you to come because you’re like family-”

“Oh, just stop!” You twist pieces of your clothing between angry fists, “stop doing this to me-stop saying those things to me, stop cuddling with me like we’re-we-” you’re sputtering on the edge of stone-cold tears, “you just-you have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

“Then tell me,” he urges you, “for God’s sake talk to me instead of pushing me away-”

“Jungkook, I love you,” you cry desperately, your body sinking, “I-I love you, and I can’t do it anymore.” You collapse onto the edge of your bed, praying the tears will go away so you can get a coherent thought out, shaking your head.

“I can’t do this anymore, Jungkook.” You weep quietly.

All he can do is whisper your name to break the deafening silence.

“Just leave,” you look at him with red, tear-filled eyes, “please.”

“But we should talk-”

“I won’t do this anymore…I just can’t,” you can’t stop crying, “please leave.”

There isn’t anything more heart-breaking than when the door shuts behind your best friend, you are left alone to steep in the figurative mess left around you. A storm rages your mind while tear after tear continues to fall, even when you occupy yourself with stuffing everything into your suitcase. Some hours pass when you’re still in your room, suitcase packed. You can hear Mai enter their room, voice muffled behind the closed door she was so used to being open.

Follows is a stern call of her name from Jungkook just before the doorknob turns but abruptly stops along with your heart. You can hear her asking him why before you assume he pulls her away from the door.

You force your eyes shut, pressing your tear-stained face into your pillow and praying the last day on this god-awful ship will magically be over when you open your eyes again. Body exhausted from the emotional day, you feel yourself sink into darkness until all subconscious thought disappears.

It was a fight to get Mai to understand why you weren’t going home with them the next morning. You never lied to her. Not once in all of these years. Not until today when you told her it had to do with work, that was why. She slumped into her grandma’s hug before going over to the car per Jungkook’s request who was standing near you.

“Jungkook, I just want to go home and I already called an Uber so-”

He just nods but you can see the hurt in his eyes, “will you text me-us? Text us when you get home?”

You look down at your phone, “I-um- I need to go over to the waiting area where I’ll be picked up, thanks for inviting me.” With that, you’re turning away before he can even breathe a second time. Jungkook can’t tear his eyes away from you, watching you walk away, wanting to watch you until you're a speck in the distance.

“Mai is buckled in Jungkook-ah.” His dad calls him away before he can do any of that.

His thoughts spiral on the drive back home.

‘I can’t do this anymore…I won’t do this.’ Your words play like a broken movie reel in his mind. A sick feeling settles in Jungkook’s stomach; a strong taste of bile rises in his throat as he wonders if you mean it.

The days following begin to fuse into the next before you realize two weeks have gone by. Two weeks of missed phone calls from Jungkook but even more painful are the missed calls from their house phone.

Mai.

You have to hold your stomach every time you think of Mai. The innocent one caught between two adults she thinks the world of, the only two who are her entire world. It’s enough to make you want to lose all contents of your stomach which hasn’t been much lately. Getting by on a couple of sips from your morning tea and a bite or two of unbuttered sourdough bread before heading off to work.

Everything has lost its taste, life as you know it has lost flavor.

You always enjoyed work, as stressful as it could be at times. But it was becoming your mute therapist because you couldn’t talk about the things warring your mind. They just bottled inside of you, one after the other; when would it finally implode?  

Three knocks sound at your front door and you jump away from the counter, a small plate with a sad sandwich placed on top of it. You abandon it, you’re sure the bread is starting to mold anyway. Poking your head around the corner, your eyes are wide as they stare down the narrow hallway. The runner in the center of the floor is left askew, shoes tossed under the hallway table cluttered with your keys and three days of mail; everything is left unopened.

The doorbell screeches like a hungry crow; you yelp a curse before clamping your hand over your mouth. There’s no way he has the gull to show up at your house…

A muffled call of your name sounds on the other side of the door followed by rapid presses of the doorbell.

It’s Nic.

You sigh, moving down the hallway as quickly as you can before tearing the door open. Nic stands there with her arm up, her hand fisted ready to knock on the door, “well, hello stranger!” Her voice is laced with sarcasm and a toothy smile to boot. She’s already setting her things down on the small breakfast nook that separates the kitchen from the living room, she follows your every move until you’re standing on the opposite side of the counter, a waiting expression sits on her face.

“Wine?” She asks. You’re impressed when she pulls a long bottle out of her purse, something like Mary Poppins would do if she wasn’t so cheerful.

You shake your head, pushing the bottle back into her bag, “I’m cutting myself off forever.”

“Ah,” she nods knowingly and it’s confirmation enough that she is aware of the revelation that occurred on the cruise. You know he called her and asked her to check on you.

You lean onto the counter and Nic does the same after propping herself up on a barstool, “he sent you,” you state rather than ask. You know your best friends through and through. And beneath your broken pride and splitting heart, you can admit that they know you just the same.

Instead of a joke, she just purses her lips and offers you an apologetic smile, “he did.”

You shrug, resting your hand under your chin. The two of you continue in a stare-off that holds a thousand words between your shaking eyes and Nic’s patient ones. She doesn’t press you like you’re used to, but perhaps that’s because she can see the sheen across your eyes or the way you keep swallowing back the lump in your throat.

Nic, opinionated in all her ways and always managing to impose them on the ones she holds near and dear, bites her bottom lip when you close your eyes only for a few tears to fall shortly after.

She clears her throat, pressing a tissue into your hand while your head hangs low; “you should talk to him, babe.”

You’re shaking your head and Nic sighs, biting back her words until you pick your head up to look at her. 

She’s careful but direct; “So that’s it, you just cut him off? For how long are you planning on doing that - for forever?” Nic knows how ridiculous that sounds. Even more than when you swore you would take your once secret love for Jungkook to the grave.

“That’s the plan,” you croak, pressing the tissue over your eyes so it can soak up your tears.

“And Mai?” Nic retorts.

Your hands drop onto the counter along with your stomach; there’s no answer for that.

“Custody isn’t necessarily a thing between friends-”

“Nic,” you give her a stern look and she apologizes.

“Look, you don’t need me to say this because I know you, and I know how much you love Mai,” Nic’s tone sounds desperate for you to hear her, “but I’m going to say it anyway - I get seeing him and talking to him sounds incredibly painful, but are you really willing to lose that little girl’s trust? I mean anyone can see that she worships the ground you walk on,” Nic can’t help but chuckle but her seriousness never fades, “if you decide never to talk to them again, that-” Nic pushes her pointer finger onto the countertop, “that will be excruciating for her…” The second to pause allows you to feel the final crushing of your heart before Nic finishes.

“You can’t make this choice for her and not be in her life all of a sudden just because you want to run away from reality - Mai is just as much in this painful reality with you and Jungkook.”

You hate how right she is. You hate that Nic has taken every single word out of your mouth and made sense of it.

The sun is setting over the city as Jungkook continues to stare out the window of his office. It’s the end of a long workday. He’s tired after showing several houses from one end of the boulevard to the other. His feet hurt, his neck is aching, and he’s sick of wearing this stupid suit.

But he can’t think of anything else. He can’t think of anyone else. All he can think about is you. Sick with worry about his daughter who has no understanding of what’s happened. She’s asked to sleep with him every night for the past two weeks, it was the only thing that could soothe her anxiety. He wanted to be mad at you for cutting Mai off. Himself, he could understand, but Mai? Then again, he wondered how much he was to blame too. Did he unintentionally put his daughter in this spot? Going out with a different woman at least a few nights a week, asking you to babysit Mai every time? If he had just been honest from the beginning, maybe none of this would have happened.

He scoffs at himself, ripping his tie from around his neck and tossing it onto his desk. Of course, idiot, if you just confessed years ago, this wouldn’t be happening. Mai wouldn’t be experiencing her first heartbreak at seven years old. Selfishly, he wouldn’t have had to see the hurt that split you right down the middle when he waltzed in that night covered in another woman’s touch.

All the times you saw him that way.

Idiot. He has to laugh. Idiot doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“Hi baby,” Jungkook sweeps Mai into his arms when he finally arrives home, relieving the babysitter. Mai rests her head on his shoulder, pressing the moles she can see on his face with her finger. He’s not used to her being so quiet. 

It’s late; way past her bedtime.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Mai sighs into his shoulder.

“I know,” he rubs her back, walking into her bedroom. Maybe she could manage it tonight. Mai doesn’t fight it, climbing under her comforter when Jungkook pulls it back for her. He sits on the floor next to her bed, knees curled up to his chest, he looks back at Mai whose eyes glisten under the glow of the starry night light, “guess we need to talk, huh?” She asks.

Jungkook chuckles, pinching her cheek, “shoot.”

Mai’s eyelashes flutter when she looks away, “she always has dinner with us on Sundays,” she starts, “is she mad at me?”

Jungkook is quick to settle her disquieting thoughts, “never in a million years bud, she could never be upset with you.”

“Then why isn’t she coming over to see me?” Mai isn’t crying, but her eyes look back at Jungkook and he can feel a tear in his heart when she does.

He sighs, holding Mai’s hand inside of his; “I hurt her feelings, so I think seeing you makes it hard for her because I’m always with you, right?”

Mai nods, “So say you’re sorry dad.”

He muffles a laugh, “it’s not that easy for adults sometimes.”

“Why? Don’t you miss her too?”

“I do,” he admits, “and I care a lot about her too.” Jungkook says, eying Mai, searching for the right words before he continues, “do you know what that means, bean?” He rests his chin on top of his hand, stroking her hair away from her face with the other. Mai observes her dad, hands pressed underneath her cheek.

“Grandma says when you care about people, it means you love them, so-” she twitches her nose inquisitively and Jungkook can’t help but giggle, leaning in to pinch it, “ask me questions,” he says, helping her out.

Mai yawns, not too far from sleep. But Jungkook can’t resist this time before bed, when his daughter is on the precipice of sweet slumber and they are alone, talking about whatever. Most of the time they are teasing each other, but if Mai has spent the day with you, Jungkook especially wanted to hear about it.

“I guess, does it mean you love her like you love me?” Mai asks.

The corner of his lips quirk into a smile, “I love you more than you can ever know-” he stops to catch the twinkle in his daughter’s eye, “but this love is a little bit different.”

Mai nods and follows with a big yawn. Jungkook leans in once more to kiss her forehead, “sleep tight.”

“I won’t let the bedbugs bite,” May yawns again.

Before Jungkook steps out of her room, Mai squeaks, “dad?”

“Yeah?” He turns in a heartbeat.

“I love her too, and well you know how the other kids at school-well most kids have their moms you know?”

He can feel the final shattering inside of him when he goes to rub his chest. Jungkook moves in, sitting next to Mai when she sits up, “I feel like I love her how a kid is supposed to love their mom-like she is the very best friend I will ever get to have, dad,” Mai looks up at him, “if she is mad at you, please make it better because I think we need her for forever.”

Tears brim the outside of Jungkook’s eyes, his smile trembling when he stares down at his literal heart in the shape of his child; “I love you so much,” he pulls her into his lap where Mai finds solace hiding her face in his shoulder.

“But my friend at school can never know that, it would hurt her feelings,” Mai muffles against him. Jungkook manages a gentle laugh, pressing a long kiss to the top of Mai’s head, his tears going unnoticed by his daughter.

The last time you received a call from Mai’s school was a year ago, she pushed a boy who tried to put a dead lizard on top of her head. He fell back and scraped his elbow. Mai was not about to let the school call her dad.

‘He won’t be as mad if you’re with me!’ She insisted, holding her hand in yours as the two of you crossed the street, a detention slip in her other hand.

Listed as the third emergency contact under her grandma, your stomach churns, wondering why they would be calling you. There is no question whether you would answer or not.

“Hello?” You breathe slowly into the phone.

The woman on the other end informs you she’s the principal; “Mai’s father and grandma haven’t returned our calls; the kids had an early release today but it appears they have forgotten to pick her up, and the buses have all gone.”

You frown, they never forget to pick Mai up from school. And if either one couldn’t, you were the next in line if she wasn’t going to take the bus; “oh-uh okay, I-um-I can be there in-” you look at the clock above your desk, ignoring the incomplete work before you, “I can be there in fifteen minutes.”

You rush around the room to gather your things, darting for the door with your keys in hand.

By the time you’re walking up to the school Mai is running through the main doors, the principal right behind her smiling as Mai meets you halfway. She clings around your waist and it instantly causes your eyes to water, “hi bean.”

“I missed you,” she says, pulling herself off of you only to grab your hand. She pulls you with fervor to your car, barely giving you time to look back and wave at the principal.

Once settled in the car you turn towards the backseat and look at her with raised brows, “did they know you were getting out early?”

Mai purses her lips, eyes widening when she shrugs in response, quick to open a book to read when you start the car.

“Hm,” you turn around without much afterthought, making the drive back to their house. It’s been three weeks now, three weeks since that morning which you’ve tried desperately to forget, and three weeks since talking to Jungkook and Mai.

You aren’t sure what classifies as tension between an adult and a child, but the Mai who is usually speaking faster than she can keep up with has taken to staring out the window, staring at the buildings whizzing by and trees blending into the other. You look into the rearview mirror every so often, pretending you don’t know why she looks so indifferent.

Hugging you was a good sign, but now she seems awkward, dashing out of your car and beating you to the front door. You eye each other when you make it there. She gives you a sarcastic look, looking at your keys for a moment before you get the hint. You always had a set of keys to their house. It felt weird using them now.

Mai pushes the door open impatiently, the keys still in the lock with your hand attached to it, “hey-geez, slow down will you-no running-” you smack your tongue, setting your things down when Mai runs down the hallway to her bedroom.

Your chest fills with air as you take a glance around their home, singing praises that Jungkook’s car is not in the driveway meaning he must have been too busy to eat lunch at home.

“Mai,” your voice echoes down the hallway, “Mai you know shouldn’t be running in the house.”

She’s sitting at the small table her grandpa made for her, her homework already laid out and a pencil in hand. You watch her for a moment, waiting for any sign of acknowledgment of what you’ve said. But she just sits there, chin resting in her hand while she reads over the assignment.

You sigh, moving to sit on the floor next to her, looking over her paper to read the words but all you can see is the blank expression on Mai’s face. You poke her hand, “anybody in there?”

She moves her hand into her lap and starts writing.

You know why she’s doing this and you can’t be upset, but it does sting a little. Usually, it’s a fight to get her to do her homework when you’re around; “so you’re just going to ignore me? I thought you missed me.”

It’s only then that her eyes dart to meet yours, her eyes a mirrored reflection of her father’s. It’s always amazed you how they twinkle like stardust is floating around in them. You attempt a smile but it just falls when you notice how her eyes are glistening with tears.

“I missed you too bean-”

“Na-uh, I’m a kid but you don’t need to lie to me, I’m a tough kid.” She defends herself.

“Mai,” you sigh.

“If you missed me then you would have come to see me, but you didn’t for three whole weeks, so you’re just a liar,” Mai abandons her pencil and drops her face onto the table, creating a barrier around her head with her arms.

That cuts you deep.

A liar.

You sit there and listen to her sniffle before working up the courage to touch her arm, she flinches and you wait for her to pull away but it’s more surprising when she doesn’t.

“Bean, will you look at me please?” Your tone is soft as you rub her arm. She shakes her head.

“Please," is all you can say. You watch her chest heave when she complies a minute later, cheeks wet from her tears, she can hardly keep her eyes on you. You reach over and wipe her face with the back of your hand, squeezing her chin in the process. She bites back a smile.

“You lost a tooth!” You gasp, holding onto her chin and moving it down to reveal the new gap in her bottom teeth. She can’t help but perk up at you noticing, “it fell out when I bit into an apple,” she giggles. You laugh with her, watching her round cheeks glow pink; “Mai, I really have missed you.”

She moves her lips in a thinking manner, finally, you can breathe a little bit easier when her eyes find you, “I told dad you are my best friend. And usually best friends like to see each other, so,” she hums, scrounging around for her thoughts, “so you didn’t come over and I thought you just didn’t want me to be your friend anymore.”

You’re shaking your head, cursing at yourself, “that would never happen, not in a million lifetimes kid because you’re my best friend too.”

She understands but you can still see the questioning in her expression as she tries to piece it all together so it can make sense. You pull Mai closer to you until she is sitting right in front of you, her legs tucked underneath herself; “I am so sorry bean, for not talking to you and for not coming around-” you start but you wonder how to continue, looking around the room as if there is some viable answer written on the walls, “I was…angry about something and it hurt me really bad. So I thought being alone would make me feel better.”

Mai plays with your hands, perhaps not even noticing she is doing it, “did it?”

You have to chuckle at her, if only you had a measure of Mai’s honesty, you and Jungkook would not be in this current situation, “no, because I just ended up hurting the one person who means so much to me, the only one who has never hurt me back.”

Mai looks at you hopefully, “me?”

A smile beams across your face and you pull Mai into you until she is giggling, “yes you, silly.”

After a moment of light-heartedness, Mai settles back down, drawing circles into the shag rug, “dad said he hurt your feelings, so I guess this is all his fault.”

You hum, rubbing your hand over her hair, “well - no, I can’t put all the blame-”

“MAI?” The desperate yell for her name causes both of you to jump. Mai clamors to her feet, darting into her bathroom and slamming the door shut.

“What-Mai?” You’re launched into a panic, one over the fact that Mai’s face drained of any color at the sound of her dad’s gruff voice and second, it’s Jungkook’s voice.

Her name falls off of his tongue like rapid fire. Before you can say anything he tears into Mai’s bedroom and comes to a screeching halt at the sight of you. He’s breathless, staring at you. All you can manage is to gesture at the bathroom door, “she ran in there.” Just then Mrs. Jeon comes in behind her son, worried eyes finding relief upon seeing you, “oh thank God, please tell me Mai is here,” she sighs.

You nod, confused as ever, “her principal called me because it was an early day and nobody was there to pick her up…” You stop, realizing there was a major miscommunication and Mai was the culprit.

Jungkook’s eyes are fierce, eyebrows in a straight line when he moves in front of the bathroom door, hand rattling the doorknob which is now locked. He makes a fist ready to pound on it when his mom stops him, “you’ll just make it worse,” she speaks calmly, looking back at you. Her hands are trembling when she reaches out to you, you move forward and grab them.

You fumble with words, “She must’ve-”

“We’ve been looking everywhere for the last hour - since when did my kid start scheming - open this door Mai!” Jungkook starts again, his worry fuming out of him.

“Jungkook-ah, please,” Mrs. Jeon pleaded, pushing herself between the door and her son, “the important part is that she is safe…why don’t you go to the kitchen, get some water and just relax for a moment.”

“Mom-”

She shakes her head, “I will talk to her, now go.”

Hesitantly he drags his feet and leaves the room. Your stomach does flips when Mrs. Jeon settles her attention on you, hand resting on the doorknob of Mai’s bathroom.

Please, don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t-

“Will you keep an eye on him, please? I don’t know why but he’s been so worked up lately-” Mrs. Jeon shrugs, unsure of what else to say. You take a deep breath in, nodding as you march out of the room at a snail’s pace.

He’s bent at the waist, face pressed into his palms before he runs them back through his hair- it’s shorter now. He takes a deep breath that is promptly cut off when he sees you standing there, your hands resting on top of the granite countertop. Your fingers twitch with anxiety, palms feeling clammy as your heartbeat picks up again.

He finishes a glass of water, turning around to set it down in the sink. He doesn’t look back at you, resting his hands at the edge of the counter, “thanks for being there,” his voice is barely audible, “you-uh, you don’t have to stay-”

“I’m sorry.”

His shoulders tense, another breath is trapped in his throat at the sound of your voice. It rasps and shakes at the threat of new tears but you hold them back for as long as you can. You aren’t sure how long that will last.

“Jungkook?” You aren’t confident saying his name, unsure if he is seething because of Mai or if it’s really because of you.

He nods before turning around, looking at the top of your head before his gaze shakes over your eyes until he gives up, looking down at the floor.

“I don’t know-” you stop when you hear Mrs. Jeon come down the hallway, she stands next to you and rubs your back, a more relaxed smile on her face.

“She failed to let us know that it was an early day, says she forgot,” Mrs. Jeon shrugs. You and Jungkook look at each other knowing full well that Mai is the mastermind behind this very moment; “but she understands the severity of what she caused and is ready to apologize to you,” his mom looks from her son to you, “and you.”

Jungkook thanks her and walks her to the front door after she hugs you; “oh,” she calls to you gently, “come over for dinner soon? It’s like pulling teeth to get this boy to bring you over, we miss you.”

You just nod, smiling at her before Jungkook closes the door behind her. He rubs the back of his neck, reclaiming his spot across from you. The island provides a safe space between the two of you as you lean your weight against it.

“I’m sorry,” his tone is unsure but you can feel the guilt radiate from him, “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say that,” he sighs, “and so many other things.” He mutters the last part but you manage to hear it.

“I was hurt,” you swallow so hard that even he can hear it, “I’ve had so much pent up - for years…I just lost it.”

“We always talk about everything. I mean, d-don’t you think I would have wanted to know about something that important?” His words are desperate to be heard, steeped in weeks of constant questioning.

“You make it sound like confessing is so easy,” you can’t help the frown that appears, “the risk involved? Because telling you just so I can be rejected doesn’t mean just losing you,” your voice struggles, “I’ll lose Mai too and god, I can’t stomach that.”

He’s looking at you now, directly at you, blinking away what you can only assume are tears.

“I-I didn’t want to risk that so I held it in, I pushed it away until I believed that I didn’t love you anymore but,” you shake your head, “I realized it wasn’t going to go away even after every date you came home from. How I’ve had to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach when you traipse in after you’ve been with another woman, a woman that could never be me - will never be me. I was so mad that I couldn’t be jealous enough or hurt enough by that to stop loving you. I want to stop, but I can’t figure out how-” your words taper off when you notice a trace of a smile spreads across his lips. 

“Are you sm-smiling?” Your hands tremble and you’re ready to storm out of there.

He is smiling, it’s barely there but you can see it. 

“Can I say something?” His eyebrows lift as he looks at you with hopeful eyes.

You aren’t sure if you should be offended by the crooked smile on his face, the same one that melts your insides and makes your palms sweat. You just nod, ready to take on another offense.

“I love you too.” His voice is shaking. 

Everything stops. Your heart launches into your throat and you aren’t sure if you’re breathing anymore. You can feel your mouth fall open, you have to tell yourself to close it. Jungkook just waits.

The confident, suave Jungkook you know all too well is replaced by the loving human you have known even more. The man who masks his worth with fleeting escapades that never last past one night or a weekend at most.  

“What? What do you mean,” you stutter, your lungs feel like they are collapsing, “why are you telling me this now?”

Jungkook closes his eyes for a second and shakes his head, “I’m scared too.” He says, opening his eyes to look at you. 

He takes you in, the intensity of his stare enough to make you fall back, you can only hope there’s enough strength left in your legs to hold yourself up. Your stomach flips when he makes a step forward to which you take one back.

“You didn’t give me a chance to say anything when it all happened,” his feet move toward you again in one small step, “I wanted to tell you then but rightfully so, you were so upset. Then you were telling me to leave-”

“I didn’t-I-”

“You didn’t want me to reject you?” Jungkook fills in the blanks for you. You nod sheepishly, wringing your hand around your wrist.

The air stills when Jungkook’s fingertips graze your hand, “have I ever rejected you since we’ve known each other?”

Your mind races. Intentionally, no he hasn’t. As much as you dropped everything to be with Mai, Jungkook would do the same. When your car broke down on the freeway late one night? Jungkook was there before the tow truck, a sleeping Mai in the back seat of their car. When you didn’t get the promotion you worked tirelessly to earn? He was at your apartment to pick up the pieces, later that night you and Mai baked cookies together and ended that awful day with a movie - the three of you cuddled up on your couch.

Jungkook has always been there.

“God, all I’ve ever wanted is you,” Jungkook can’t stop himself long enough to allow you to stay in your thoughts. He can practically see your heart thumping out of your chest, he can feel your warm breath stagger out of your mouth. It isn’t until he decides to reach up and touch your neck with a ghostly touch does your breathing still. His touch is so slight it leaves goosebumps all over your skin. You swallow the lump in your throat when his hand grazes your jaw before he cups it around the side of your face. His fingers rub the shell of your ear.

“Do you still want me?” He fills the gap between you with careful steps; you can see the longing in his eyes and you wonder for how long you’ve missed that. With the little space left, it’s almost too difficult to look up at him; “Jungkook I-”

His breath stops at the sound of your voice like he’s ready for the ultimate rejection. His beating heart prepares for more pain.

“Yes,” You’re breathless. You only catch a second of the smile spreading his cheeks before he pulls you in. Muscular arms wrapping tightly around you but he’s careful to leave breathing room. All too naturally, your face nuzzles in his shoulder, breathing in his scent as your arms fold around his waist.

His nose presses into your hair, cheek warm against your temple.

“Wait,” you push your hands against his chest to create space. He grabs your hands to keep you close, “are you serious?”

He chuckles, nodding, his warm breath casts over your face, putting you deeper under his spell.

“After all of that happened, I didn’t think I had a chance. I didn’t think it could even be a possibility before,” his eyes look uncertain now, “you know too much about me,” he runs his fingers back through your hair, “but you are everything to me…you’ve loved Mai without me even asking you to,” he sighs, his expressions always more serious than most but it’s the Jungkook you know. Innocent eyes staring down at you, “watching you with Mai these last seven years has been the highlight of my life, but it was torturous too-”

You press your face into his chest, chuckling while tears overcome you, “torturous?”

Jungkook picks your chin up and kisses your tears away; “you were always in arm's reach but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, I just settled to silently love you.”

You shake your head, allowing Jungkook to wipe each tear away with his thumb.

“I was afraid it would confuse Mai. She’s my world too, you know?” You whisper.

“She’s too wise for her age,” he brushes his nose against yours, wearing the smile that exposes his bunny teeth, “trust me, she knows enough that we should be a family.” 

His eyes search for an answer in yours, you don’t have to ask for the question running through his mind when his gaze sweeps over your lips. The only thing that forces him to stop is when he chuckles low.

“What?” You smile, head floating in ecstasy, you think you could pass out.

“I guess that stupid fortune was true.”

You shake your head with a small smile. He fidgets, “I love you-” he manages to get out before your lips press against his. They are slightly chapped but so soft as they mold to yours. You can feel your skin growing hot when his tongue rubs against your bottom lip. It takes everything in you not to burst right then and there, fallen victim to his tender kiss.

“I love you,” you stop to say. His slight pout at the break in your kiss makes you chuckle.

Jungkook lets his chin rest against your shoulder when he pulls you in, the two of you staying that way for a little bit. If not for the quiet pad of Mai’s bare feet tapping down the hallway, he thinks he could have stayed that way with you all night.

His eyes brighten when he sees Mai stoke around the corner, saucer-sized eyes spying on the two of you.

“Come here bean,” Jungkook’s voice surprises you, and you pull away as Mai runs into the kitchen. Before you can say anything to her, she wraps her arms around your middle, nose pressed into your hip. She muffles something.

You sniffle, “I can’t understand you,” you giggle, grabbing her chin in a tender grip so she can look up at you. Her eyes are wet again, resting her chin against your stomach, “I said, I love you.” Mai whispers like her dad can’t hear her. Her cheeks grow red and she immediately shies away.

Jungkook rubs her back with a loving stroke when he hears your breath catch in your throat. You kneel and take Mai’s face in your hands, “I love you so much, bean.”

“Enough to stick around forever?” She laughs nervously, swallowing back a soft cry, “because it was horrible without you, dad doesn’t know how to build forts like you do.” Jungkook laughs, nudging Mai’s back with his knee.

There’s a gentle mending in your heart when she says that, you stroke her hair and laugh with glistening eyes, “I promise I’ll build forts with you until we’re both too big to fit in them, and even then kid, you can’t ever get rid of me.” You are struggling to hold back the ugliest of sobs.

Mai doesn’t answer, she only falls forward into your arms, nuzzling her face into your hair. Jungkook joins you, resting on his knees to wrap the two of you into his hold. 

You pull your face away enough so you can look at him. He kisses you before mouthing the words you’ve so yearned to hear him say; “I love you.”

[mchib]

I need some Rize and Shuu friendship headcanons!

thank u anon!

i want to say ive never written a fanfic or anything of the sort so im not experienced in that field of writing but i do like do do character analasys and like headcanoning things so feel free to share any opposing views!!

first and foremost i feel like they have a common character flaw that they expect nothing less of an extravagant lifestyle even though both of them attempt to uphold and fulfil this different ways i feel like they would find great company in like luxurious or over the top things and they could perhaps be one of the only people that dont harbor distaste or skeptical feelings towards each other upon learning of the others hobbies. they also have certain tastes and are both picky eaters in their own ways so i imagine a lot of discussions would be had about what characteristics make someone more tasty. that being said i think shuu would continuingly tell rize that shes way too messy and she should invest in self control or at least be more private about her eating habits lolol.

i also feel like they would find solace in each others company talking about like art and philosophy although i imagine shuu already had more than enough people to rant to i think that rize would definitely genuinely listen and engage. if they fought or had a disagreement i imagine one of them being stuck head first in a concrete wall and then shuu would refuse to to her for like a day and call her a barbaric hoodlum behind her back but no real feelings or resentment would comply. i feel like a normal person having a conversation with any of the two would somehow contain an interference of something along the lines of 'woah woah woah you cant say that man thats too far' because they both make pretty morbid jokes but if it were just the two i feel like they would feel as though they could freely speak their mind without anyone wondering how they were raised or what set of events led to such absurd jokes being recited in such grim circumstances.

i feel like shuu would feel sort of be offended meeting rize upon hearing that her insides were used to turn kaneki half ghoul as even when kaneki loses all sanity his and rize's personalities are not compatible in the slightest, and so before learning to get over it he would feel kind of awkward around her because he wants to be mad at her but he knows it wasnt her fault at the same time so hes trying to be civil about it. meanwhile she would think of him as an antisocial snob and try to brag to him about how she made something of herself without being spoon-fed and is able to manage her giant appetite while on the run from the ccg and ghouls alike.

when shuu is like in his terminally ill granny state i feel like she would stay by his side but also be discouraging saying stuff like 'men should suffer in silence' and 'a public execution would be more appealing'. i feel like when they go out together shuu would try really hard to convince her to clean up so they can look fresh as hell and go fancy places but rize always ends up consuming some random homeless guy on the street. rize gives off 'i want to be with the bourgeoiseses' vibes but when they come around she just doesnt want to put in the effort. 'just kick reason to the curb and come with me!' (can you tell i do lyric analasys).

i feel like rize would like use shuu's rich people resources to make stuff like lets pose a hypothetical that ghouls could eat cookies. rize would use shuu's kitchen and ingredients to make the most foul tasting cookies and then put a sticky note on them telling shuu not to touch. then he flips out. rize is also very not used to not having to do dishes or anything in his household so she feels weird about being emptyhanded while others make the food. she'll be trying to hide her pleasure with being treated with such luxury but you can definitely see her grinning at the dinner table. we know she has table etiquette from her and kaneki's date but whats to stop her from completely disregarding all manners when shes in the presence of ghouls? i feel like she'd be kinda gross the first few times over cuz men aint shit but she kind of grows into being at least presentable at dinner.

when they r in the car shuu wants to be passanger princess but he doesnt trust rize behind the wheel. hes not the hero we deserve, but hes all we have right now. irrelevant but if rize was driving she'd like crash on the highway for fun or something. she has a fake license that says something like risse kaminishi from district 12

ok thats all i can think of rn & sorry if i mischaracterized shuu im not nearly as much of an expert on his character but i do enjoy him a lot

[potatowithahat]

Why not?

A Harvey Irl one-shot series 

Or rather the precursor to one

Rose hates Mondays. Correction. She hates when you have a math test, an essay on Japanese internment due and an AP test on a Monday. The day after your birthday.

       Like, what the hell universe??? Why can't a girl get a break?

       “It's like my teachers are trying to kill me” Rose mumbles to myself as she turns down the driveway “deserve some sort of reward for this” 

       Rose sighs as she parks, quickly noticing both her parents missing cars. 

       Probably off picking Lex up at school. So she can't even ask to eat the leftover ice cream from her birthday yesterday. 

       Like this day can get any worse 

       The girl sighs as she slings her bag over her shoulder and walk up the concrete path to the faded blue Victorian style house she calls home. Rose and her mom had been pushing her dad hard the last couple of years to move somewhere new, where the front steps don't creak when you walk inside and the house doesn't ‘settle’ randomly during the night 

       No dice so far though. He keeps saying that its a family home and that its the only house Lex has ever known.

      

        Rose genuinely just thinks he's sick of moving cause he moved like eight times as a kid

      Or maybe he actually loves the place. Who's to tell

       Rose sighs as she approaches the little red door, quickly unlocking it and sliding herself into the cool air conditioning and out of the Arizona heat.

      Oh, yeah, that's reason number two for wanting to leave. Rose and her family were currently living in the middle of nowhere Arizona, where she'd legitimately seen people cook eggs on the sidewalk in the summer. Its weird. 

       As she dropped her keys in the foyer, still thinking to herself about how dumb this heat is she happens to notice the study door slightly ajar. Maybe Lex is home after all?

      “Lex?” Rose calls into the study, sighing in relief when she sees he's not there.

 So the little turd didn't get into my computer. Rose Thought to herself. That's at least one good thing on this piss stain of a day.

       My computer is open though. And on…. 

       Stardew Valley?

       Ok now that's odd. Rose knew for a fact she didn't leave it open on her desktop all night. Her Mom would've skinned her for using electronics irresponsibility. She always did that when Rose leaves games on overnight 

    Rose shrugs and quickly closes the game. Don't know how it got opened but stuff happens. Maybe Lex finally got into gaming 

     she snorted at the thought as she made her way out of the study and up to her bedroom. No way. Kid only watches anime and reads fanfic about Naruto.

     And the only reason she knew he reads fanfic is because the little snot found her Ao3 account.

       It was honestly Rose's fault for using the same name as her discord account she supposed, but all the same he shouldn't have been snooping.

       Thank God he didn't tell their parents about it though. she would've been banned from the internet for till college. 

       Damn I miss ICarly 

     Rose shakes the thought out of her head as she opens her door and tosses her bag onto the bed. Maybe she should watch some reruns or.. 

       “Ow!” A man's voice shouts as her bag makes contact with his head. “What in the world are you…”

       He stops talking as he sits up and sees the blood drained from Rose's face.

       “Harvey???” Rose said shakily as she stared at the video game character come-to-life on her bed.

       “Rose?” Harvey asks as he shifts to the edge of the bed “ or.. well… young Rose?” He says, tilting his head in confusion 

       “How the hell do you know my name?” The words slip out, though she already knew the answer. She had modeled her farmer in the game after herself.

       “Were married…? or well I'm married to older you?” Harvey adjusts his glaces as he stands up “We adopted two kids together?” He says, almost sounding like he's trying to get her to remember 

       Why the hell would he be trying to get me to remember something if he thinks I'm the younger version of my farmer?

       she reached up and rubbed her face.

       And why would we adopt? Rose had always wanted kids but she don't… oh… OH

       she accidentally made her farmer a guy at the beginning of the game. 

       Well someone's going to be disappointed 

“I.. ok..” she quickly glanced out her door and shut it “how did you get here”

“good question” Harvey says as he looks around the room. “where is here? And why do you have a  pixelated version of me on your wall”

       she quickly glanced to where he was looking,  seeing the image of his game sprite she had painted for her art classes shapes unit.

       “Thats you. And also not important. How did you get here?”

       “Yes I got that much” he nods and steps forward to look at the painting “And Yoba only knows how I got here. I fell asleep in my bed and got woken up with a bag to the face” 

       “OK, yeah, my bad, but in all fairness I wasn't expecting to find a middle aged man snuggled up with my alligator loksheplush!” Rose said as she rubs her eyes 

       Harvey stands there for a few seconds,  looking over at me

       “What is an ‘alligator Loki’?” He says, glancing back at my bed, confusion written all over his face.

       she could already tell it was going to be an even longer day.

Hope yall enjoyed!!!!

If you'd like to read more of my stories, feel free to visit my Ao3, or check out my masterlist here on tumblr!!!

As always I'm a little gremlin when it comes to writing so if you have any fic ideas please feel free to drop an ask!!!!

[mossy-bonez]

I want to talk about this au. So let’s begin with the TMA characters that will be around.

Jonathan “Jon” Sims: look it’s the silly eye man our poor little meow meow. Anywho this wet cat of a man just became the pupil of the eye so his powers and connection to the eye are much greater now, I mean so long as he feeds himself properly and he’ll definitely do that, won’t he? No no he won’t, at least not at the beginning, what were you expecting Jon Sims to properly take care of himself? When has he ever done that without being forced too? Any way he still looks mostly human, I mean he has more eyes then most but he tends to keep those closed or hidden, and his eyes are such a bright green that they almost look like they are glowing(they actually are), and if you look at his skin too closely you might notice black lines that almost look like a web of shattered china, but that’s fine. Also small green eye symbol float around him, most can’t see them all the time but they may catch glimpses of them out of the corner of their eyes. Tape recorders still follow him about they feel different now though, less like they’re from someone else and more like they’re from him.he is very much the ceaseless watchers special little boy, and it fucking shows, so much favoritism.

Martin Kartin Blackwood: he is an avatar of the lonely, like he is fully an avatar now. It’s fine everything is fine, he’s just choosing not to think about it for now, that will make it go away. Any way he’s pretty much how he was at the end of season 5 bit less stressed given that he’s not currently going through the apocalypse, but he’s definitely not forcing himself to act small anymore, he is actively choosing to take up space and stop putting up pretenses. He’s here an a new universe with his boyfriend and come he’ll or high water he is going to make the most of it.

Helen: she is alive because I miss her, also I think distortion door shenaniganery would be fun. Any way he just didn’t kill Helen this time that’s all, and given how little of the distortion is human, or really ever was, she got whisked away to somewhere else as well

Monster Pig: he is my baby and he is here if I say he is, I would kill for him so he is alive and well and freed from his concrete tomb. Anyway depending on if I make this au pre or post weirdmageddon his situation is a bit different, either he replaces waddles and is babyfied, or Mable finds him in the woods and befriends him and now he is waddles’ brother. Either way new pig friend for Mable, and my boy is thriving and being lavished with love(and maybe he occasionally just eats whatever problem they are dealing with, because he is a good pig 🐖)

Simon Fairchild: I know that in canon he is left behind but you can’t tell me that this 600 year old sky grandpa was human enough to be left behind, also as a vast aligned person I can’t leave my evil grandpa behind. He is here and he is having a blast just vibing and slowly adopting any vast avatars that show up to rebuild his family.

If y’all have any other characters I can add and good reasons for them to be able to show up, I will maybe add them

Next up will be some stuff about the gravity falls side of things and a definitive decision on weather or not this is set pre or post weirdmageddon

[foxymoxynoona]

any shenanigans any of your babies got into lately?

Hehe constantlyyyy.

Friday night, my mom babysat my kids for the first time and watched a movie with them. It was about a search and rescue dog and whe nI came to get them, it was just getting to a scary part where a kid got lost hiking and had a bloody face and twisted ankle and both kids came running to saying they didn't like this movie anymore. My oldest son repeats things VERBATIM, and announced "This is too scary, it's night and the boy got lost hiking in dangerous terrain!" which sounds funny from a 7yearold. I told them when the scary part was over. But that night whe nI was putting them to bed my oldest say, "Ruby (the dog)'s first case was a murder case." I was like no way, this was a g-rated movie. And he goes "They found a body in a house." I asked if he was sure. He told me very seriously, "They found a body under 3" of concrete." WELP that's specific and clearly true. So movie night with grandma was clearly a success 😂

We can't watch Disney movies. Both my boys are really tender-hearted. My oldest once sobbed and made us turn off a movie (I think he was 3) because the character was "eating too much ice cream and going to get a tummy ache." Recently we tried to watch Mulan and I gritted my teeth through (corrected) Shan Yu shooting the arrow to kill one of the messengers in the beginning but they didn't see mto understand what was happening so it was fine. BUT THEN Mulan decides to run away at night and they started sobbing and when she cut her hair they SCREAMED at me to turn the movie off. I was like she's just cutting her hair?? But nope. Too much for their little hearts, they were upset she was going in place of her dad and running away and cutting her hair.

My youngest (who turns 5 this week 😭😭) told me Friday after school that he was cold. I asked if he needed a warmer coat and he said "I need fur or feathers." I asked if he wanted a pretend fur coat instead and he said , "Hm yes. I need a musk ox fur coat so I can be warm as a dry fish biscuit." My best guess is he's mergine Octonauts and Kratt Brothers here but who knows??

They were playing together and my younger repeated himself trying to get my older one's attention he he goes: Older One: you already said that! Me: sometimes when people repeat themselves it's because they didn't feel like they were heard. Have you ever felt that way? Older One: No. I mean... yes. Me: (feeling like a wise, wonderful parent) I think everyone feels that way sometimes. Older One: Not sperm whales.

Apparently he means because they are so loud 😂 but now we say "but not sperm whales" about things constantly. So much for my wise parenting moment haha.

Sunday we spent the day outside and did a bonfire and make s'mores and hot dogs. My kids are at the age where they requested rakes so they could make a big leaf pile but then bickered about when the right time to jump into it was. Konked each other and me on the head multiple times with the rakes. Scared of the cicada husk on the picnic table but eager to throw everything within reach into the fire. All the joys of autumn 😂

I can tell stories about them all day, they really are such funny kids 🥰🥰

[pantherlover]

A Local Habitation Re-Read: Part 5

Hello again! Here's part 5!

Chapter Seventeen:

"Quentin, get something nutritious to go with your soda. A Snickers bar or something." Oh they were both SO lucky May showed up after this.

Oh, poor Luidaeg. She's finally met the person who will eventually be able to remove the geas on her, and she's a person who decides that summoning the night-haunts is an acceptable plan.

Of all the people at ALH, I might like Elliot the most (other than April). I respect a character that can just roll with with an unexpected situation.

Toby mentions that Raven-maids and Raven-men are skin shifters like the Selkies. Given how/why the Selkies were created, this makes me curious about whether the Raven-maids/men were created for similar reasons. In the story published with Be the Serpent, Luidaeg says that she cursed the Siren who murdered her love to join the Sky Kingdoms. Maybe that has something to do with how they came about?

I really do feel sorry for Elliot about Yui. I'm glad they got their wedding after everyone was brought back.

Chapter Eighteen:

Connor is noooooot equipped to help out with quests. You were going to take Toby's car back? *Really*?? You had ONE job, man.

Was Sylvester still the Mad Duke when Quentin started his fostering? I'm pretty sure it was mentioned somewhere, but I can't remember off the top of my head. If he was, that might be why Quentin thinks that 'breaking out into hysterical laughter' is a normal reaction in Shadowed Hills.

Connor's relationship with the Luidaeg is definitely something that I want to try to pay more attention to on this re-read. It would be interesting to see what I can pick up from it now that we know about the Selkies.

Okay, Connor, I understand that your marriage is unhappy, but you're still married. Gently resting your joined hands on Toby's cheek is not cool!

Toby was probably lucky that Alex showed up and distracted Connor; he probably would've gotten a lot angrier than that otherwise.

Chapter Nineteen:

Connor may not be equipped for quests, but he does know his role as coffee-provider.

"We need to talk to [the night-haunts], and this is the only way. Believe me, I don't want to. I'm scared stiff." Toby is the ultimate proof that repeat exposure works.

I think I'm appreciating the wistful 'what-could-have-been' of Toby and Connor's relationship more this time around. I don't think they would've worked out in the long run, but they might've been able to be better friends to each other. It's a little sad that they never got to learn how to be that for each other.

Fuuuuuuuuuck Aaaaallleeeeex. Just - SO many things wrong. First, I feel like he contradicts himself while he's explaining? Does it come naturally or does he not do it to every woman he meets? Second, is it supposed to be a *compliment* that he doesn't enchant every woman he interacts with? Like it means something that he liked her enough to give her no choice in how she felt about him??

I wonder why Gordan didn't sabotage the summoning; she and Elliot got all of the flowers together, she would've had plenty of opportunity. Was she that confident that the night-haunts wouldn't be able to tell Toby anything? Was she hoping that they'd come and eat her? Was she curious enough about the night-haunts that she wanted to see it play out?

The summoning ritual is SO creepy/cool. We don't see Toby doing any concrete 'spells' with her magic; she just forces her way through a situation until she gets a desired outcome. I wonder if having kids is going to make her try to find a more consistent way to do things so she can teach them?

Chapter Twenty:

As much as we learn about them in this chapter, I think the night-haunts are the longest running mystery in the series. I saw a meta a while back theorizing that, after the Roane returned, the night-haunts lost their most stable food source and were in danger of fading unless they found another way to sustain themselves. I'm not sure if this is the direction the series would take them, but it would be a good reason to call in Toby's debt to them.

This might be the first time Toby's ever been described than 'wiser than most who deal with [the night-haunts]'.

The mandrake doppelganger make me sad, and I'm trying very hard not to think that the 'created just to die' part is foreshadowing of any kind.

Forget all the blood magic; Toby's superpower is being able to connect with people so strongly that it affects them *after death*.

Chapter Twenty One

'Backups. They had backups for the backups in this place. It was amazing anything had been able to go wrong: they should've had backups for the people, too.' Funny you should say that, Toby!

'"Look, I'd hug you, but I'd get blood al over you." "I don't care," [Quentin] said, and threw his arms around my neck.' Oh, I'm so glad that Quentin and Toby found each other.

Whatever else you can say about Luidaeg, her bedside manner is still better than Gordan's.

Jan, at least, gets (minor) props for actually planning on telling Toby everything before she died. It is honestly a miracle *anyone* made it out of this alive given how willing everyone was to take their project to the grave.

That's it for this part! As always, please feel free to come talk to me about stuff!

[drpg-global-archive]

DRPG - Character Episode - Valvatorez

This young vampire is a Prinny Instructor. His favorite thing in the world is sardines. It's said that he's actually a very influential being.

Level 1/New Summon

My name is Valvatorez! I'm an ancient vampire and a Prinny Instructor in the Netherworld! [Player]! I've heard that you're interested in training the greatest Overlord of all time! Strongest Overlord Trainer and Prinny Instructor! You and I both have a passion for education! We both have a common goal!

So, beginning today, you will also be a Prinny Instructor! Prinny Rule No.1! You shall always include the word "dood" in every line you say! Come, let me teach you a thing or two! Hmph... Let's get on the road of trials! ....Oh I forgot to ask, [Player]. Do you like to eat Sardines?

[Player] got a Sardine from Valvatorez! This Sardine is fresh from the sea!

Level 100

Listen up, [Player]! So, now that you're also a Prinny Instructor, you'll need to remember something. You must always keep true to your promises, even if you don't like the other person you're making a promise to. To Demons, every agreement is a contract... and a noble one at that. In the past, I thought this social custom was just a formality, but my laziness made me suffer greatly. Since then, I gave up human blood and my Vampire powers have been depleted.

However, this little situation allowed me to discover another source of power... Sardines! They really are a magical food. ...Hmm? Now that I think about it. I guess if that's the case, then breaking an agreement might not be all bad. Hahah! What a situation to be in! I will make you a promise! I will remain by your side until you have successfully trained the strongest Overlord!

I will continue to eat Sardines in order to keep this promise alive! You can eat some too!!

Level 200

 [Player], have you eaten any Sardines in the past few days? Vampires get their strength from human blood. Although I've given up human blood, I'm still alive and kicking. I love Sardines! In other words, Sardines are my lifeblood! Although Fenrich doesn't want to admit it, this is an undeniable fact! 

Sardines are my favorite thing in the whole world! How can I repay them....? This is a problem that's been eating away at my brain. Thankfully, I've thought up some concrete and realistic plans. Tell me what you think. Plan No.1. Push the United Nations to pass an international treaty that bans the overfishing of Sardines. Plan No.2. Concoct delicious dishes made from Sardines to teach the world why they are the best thing around. Plan No.3. In Japanese, the character for "Sardine" is a combination of the character for "fish" and the character for "weak". I want to change this so the character for "strong" is used instead. Plan No.4. I could modify the brains of all Sardines so that they can talk happily with one another. Plan No.5...... (He rambles on until he reaches Plan No.100.)

So there you have it. My 100 Plans for the Improved Wellbeing of Sardines! If you stick with me, all of these plans will be fully implemented! What do you think, [Player]?

Level 500

[Player], so you've already met Artina? She's a little weird, right? That girl always puts others before herself. When I first met her, she was like this. She never hesitates to risk her own life to save others.... Me and her have made an agreement. I will drink her blood once I've successfully instilled fear into her.

Looking back, that agreement was a turning point in my life. If I had never met that girl… Or if I broke our agreement and continued to drink human blood, I'd still have my Vampire powers. However, doing so would make me lose my dignity as a Demon. Which is more important? I think you can understand, [Player]. This is why I am grateful to her.... Thank you, Artina. Don't tell any of this to Artina. ..... And also, keep this a secret from Fenrich.

Level 1000

Oh, my......!? The power!! I feel like I just ate fresh Sardines from Chiba Prefecture! It reminds me of a Toyama Prefecture specialty I once had. The Sardines are in ice! They're so shiny! This power! My body feels amazing...! I feel like I am a Tyrant once again! [Player], thanks! You have certainly proved something to me. As long as there are Sardines, there is no predicament that can't be solved!

I don't think there is a word in the dictionary to describe the friendship you and I have! Our friendship is as strong as the power hidden inside Sardines! ....Yes! I just thought of something! From this day forward, I will call you Sardine [Player]! Or maybe you prefer [Player] Sardine!! Choose one! Choose the one you like!!

[meandmyechoes]

There's more on production design than costumes but all in all a very enlightening and informative talk on inspirations and the design process!

timestamps below

00:22 How do you work with the story group to make sure fans of the lore are served without excluding the newer fans?

LH: we don't start from the basis of it being fanservice

crew includes a mix of passionate fans and people with no context. we are all filmmakers and focus on character work first, then look at what from sw can be put in there.

Luthen's collection works together to tell the story of lost culture

Never are we led by [that = fanservice], but things that enrich the environment should be there

02:03 Coruscant

Q: three main settings:

Syril's home, ISB, Mon Mothma

aotc: bright, saturated neon colours - a welcoming environment

andor: brutalist, minimal modernism, some art deco in MM -

an "anti-coruscant"

LH: the hardest to do

avoid CGI because we want a place that exist.

the core principle of Coruscant is height (upper, middle, lower) then it become character led

ref vertical cities like Tokyo and NY, what is their language, what makes them interesting?

the goal is not to make (RM's) it should smell like that, have that nostalgia and fit in SW, but shouldn't feel futuristic or scifi.

I want to understand it as a place that can really exists, not always leading away from it but a place we can inhabit.

first decide on the materials: hard, monochromatic, concrete, steel, glass -> inhumane, total lack of organic materials, and you build it up to realize what works or not

Eddy's: i reckon she bought that apartment 20 years ago, she had a view of Coruscant and then the whole city grew up around her and it got lost like she did.

Baker-like cream vs. clinical sterility of the ISB vs. Mon's… values of her Chandrilan culture but also lack of comfort (the embassy is given to her)

MW: want to build real societies. thought about the texture, culture, materials, technology of each planet -> stratified? diverse? levels of society?

every background player has a story and a reason to be on screen

06:57 Happy accidents on costuming?

less of accidents and more endless discussion and thinking about things

everything needs to have a logic and reason to be onscreen because they are under so much scrutiny

08:14 How did you design Narkina 5? What does the design of oppression look like to you?

LH: prison to a me like a cross between an abattoir and a laboratory, like a labour camp, you can't escape from it, like Alcatraz if it was a lab.

the Panopticon logic of turning the organic people be the fuel of the machine, the disposable element

makies it more interesting, more THX1138 than the obvious grungy prison

love making white sets: photograph beautifully, things pop more, have a sinister nature.

earthiness of Ferrix vs. organics of highlands vs. trapped sterility of prison

MW: Luke and I talked about How do those wielding the power use the environment to oppress, intimidate and disorientate?

The part of white on white: there's nowhere to hide, it's horrific, you lose your sense of depth -> disempowered by this soul-destroying environment.

we also spend lots of time on developing this fabric that's utilitarian, disposable, feels like they just peel them off at the end of the day. they are treated like cattle, "host down", sterilized and they are given a fresh one for the next day.

all of these details eat away at you psychologically.

11:38 Visual style of Andor

How close did you want to get to what we've already seen?

What motifs do you know you want to work in when creating the world of Andor?

LH: we don't start that way around. when i met tony it was like, 'we're gonna make a star wars show but it's not gonna be like any star wars show you've watched.'

it was challenging when you figure out it means going into people's apartment and bathrooms to work with them.

keep the tangibility of the OT, then looking at R1's grittiness, and a sense of modernity that could compete with other shows, and make work the drama/chc but maintaining the nostalgia of SW without having it becoming as if 'selecting things from a catalogue just for it to feel SW'

It was about enhancing what was there and fleshing it out to feel like you could walk and live with these people, and hopefully forget about it at times, forget that you're watching SW, and be reminded of it.

13:35 Costuming

MW: knew as soon as we had the script we knew we had to create a new look to go with the layers and complexity of the characters.

the established costume language of SW was there.

Use the established uniform to ground us firmly into the SW world.

15:06 There is an abundance of personal rooms/belongings, how do you approach setting those space versus a public one? What were you trying to communicate about their lives?

LH:

Maarva: the home used to be function when Cassian was younger, but with him drifting and her husband's death, and the shop closing, her world gets smaller till it centralized around her chair

Eedy: she bought it box-fresh, you can get upgrades and plug-ins to the apartment and over time, it aged and (BAY-ta-lye)

a home salon you never see in S1, things that you feel relatable but in the SW language. It always start with the chc.

MW: Luke design spaces like the character designed them. He thinks about who they are and what they want to project in their interior. I try to do the same with the costumes.

It's the difference b/w wearing something in terms of structure and how it makes you feel compared to something like layers that you can disappear in.

e.g. Cass was hiding, disappearing in his clothes, then his arc is to become closer to the hero we know from R1, little bit he reveals himself more, the coat becomes more tailored, longer lines, shoulders are squared out, a very subtle, subliminal transformation he goes through.

18:45 Syril's costuming and his own customization

within the constricts (blurring of individual) of the uniform, people can still find ways to express themselves.

on one end, guys working in the ball pen and jaded office workers, not at all engaged, their costumes are enzyme-wash to fade out, unironed, no pride in their appearance. On the other end of the spectrum is Syril who tailors and tweaks and personalize it to express who he wants to project and who he wants to be. We made his costume subtly more rigid, more sculpted, freshly pressed, slightly brighter colour.

21:00 how do you go from Chernobyl (a raw story) to the SW show (pre-established lore)?

LH: the process is the same for whatever project it is. the similarity between the two projects is there are a lot of research. with Cbyl you don't want to lost and become a documentarian. Cbyl had finished scripts but on Tony was taking on it when I started, so we were building it the same time he was writing.

It's about character, and environment and storytelling, and it was mood and tone.

we wanted this to have sort of a journalistic logic. you approach it like you're dealing with building up every character's reality and atst we're making fiction/drama. The material is a bit lighter on Star Wars and the world is much greater varied. From a design pov, they are both rabbit holes. the only similarity is you run out of time, I'd love to create bigger set but at some point you'd have to shoot it.

24:11 filming real-world location/what's the consideration for location scouting?

LH: I'd love to do more on location. But it was hard to have a large crew on site and in a pandemic, so we ended up building a lot more [sets] than we initially intended.

I don't want to do a desert, but I want somewhere where the landscape spoke for itself. What if we have a planet that looks like the Scottish highlands? Then we were looking at dams and there's this one that always feels like a blight on the landscape. It just felt very imperal. The whole Aldahni sequence was then based around that idea. It was an imperial stronghold there and so on.

Barbican has both the weight and texture that felt right for a megacity like Coruscant but also felt right for a certain level - the middle.

We don't approach a location on the basis of pure concpet, it was always about enhancing the real place and how we can put it in the wider world of Coruscant, how we can do shots that you'd do in a real city and not in a CGI environment.

I always said the best place to do Coruscant would be Paris becaus you got the scale and style of certain aspects of Corsucant. (it's [slimpickins] in London ???? can't understand this part)

[audience talks about how turning a corner you see a structure featured in the show] yeah with Barbican you are a little more limitied, a little more, targeted, i suppose. What I'm always looking for when piecing together Coruscant was Journeys. So again it wasn't like 'Oh, let's stand here and have a conversation with the city in the background' or sth like that. Barbican actually gives you a lot in terms of Joruenys: Syril going home is one of my favourite. This place in London I don't remeber the name of, it's like a bridgeless estate, we made it go much further down and give it that elevation and that sense of depression.

It's really hard, I want to shoot more on location but more often we pull back and use the real world location as an inspiration.

28:45 What are some under-discussed innovation in the your fields that help you create Andor?

MW: leaning heavily into the DNA of established SW costume language. It was quite an analog costume approach. A mixture, in fact. There are things that would've been groundbreaking 1977, that seem not so much now. But we would like to have that as a starting point, we had a similar approach with this one. There was a lot of handmade, old-school analog creative costumes, but we also have a fantastic costume props dept that use new tech and material to create mostly armour elements and small sculpted elements on costuming. Lots of 3D Printing happening, scanning, adapting, trying urethanes and other materials that can make more comfortable armour. A problem of the original stormtrooper armour is discolouration/yellowing. It was also quite rigid and difficult for stunts. We import new materials for the armour to stay white forever and allow room for the stunt people.

LH: It was an active choice NOT to use the Volume. It doesn't suit our goal, what Tony is writing. The idea is to be on the ground and moving around with the characters as much as possible, and not creating spaces for scenes to happen, if that makes sense.

It's something you can do with longer, multi-ep drama like this, is to build bigger sets and connect them up. Ferrix comprise of almost 30 sets. They are largest out on the back lot one large composite set so you can walk in around the streets and into the homes. All the complexes are enjoyable.

With any sets I'd start by designing the whole thing. Design the city, design the prison infold, then start to break it down and what we want to use and how, what, who we want to build lest we understand the full geography.

I think that filters through even if you don't see it all. You hopefully doesn't jar at any point. The technology part is we first build it in 3D and previs. We don't follow a pipeline like the Volume shows. The analog feeds into what we want to achieve, a bit more like the OT, more tangible.

It wasn't anything groundbreaking we do as much as trying to put more on screen but make it feels like it's less (intentional/artificial)

[vespertin-y]

liveblog-o-clock! this time the first part of ch4′s daily life...mostly i just get real sad about gonta and rapidly whiplash between wanting to fistfight maki in a waffle house and wanting to wrap her in a blanket.

-[in a situation like this...i don’t see how we all could possibly stay enthusiastic. ...well, with two exceptions.] “what’s wrong, bro!? you’re not gonna eat!?” “if you don’t eat, then gonta will eat you instead, shuichi!” HPDJSDHSDGHSDHF. why would you pay attention to kaito and kokichi’s tragic parallels when you could pay attention to their funny ones truly.

-himikoooo :’) she’s clearly doing a bit of fake-it-til-you-make-it here, but her determination to be better is really endearing and genuinely inspiring. also the way she gets way too enthusiastic way too fast and almost keels over is hilarious.

-”there’s nothing more depressing than an unnoticed prank.” EATING THIS...do u think he realizes how much this sentence reveals about him.

-”it’s like a titty no one wants to fondle!” characterization moment over miu time now (it’s ok though i laughed)

-”no! you don’t get to tell gonta what to do anymore!” “y-yeah...gonta learn lesson after insect meet and greet...” gonta LITERALLY AGREED to help kokichi w/ the motive video plan, adding the meet-n-greet was completely unnecessary and only fractured their partnership. it’s almost like kokichi’s paranoia is destroying his interpersonal relationships or something...

-”yoink! i’ll take that card key then!” we don’t talk about how funny this is often enough. like yes it’s about to lead to horrible horrible tragedy, but the fact that kokichi’s so done with this shit he fucking STEALS THE MOTIVE AND CLIMBS INTO THE VENTS WITH IT makes me cackle. goblin mode activated.

-”shuichi is so amazing. gonta wanna be useful to everyone too.” “don’t worry. when the time comes, we’ll use your body as a meat shield.” “okay! gonta hope time come soon!” WERE IT NOT FOR THE LAWS OF THIS LAND (me being a 100 pound asthmatic and harukawa maki being fictional) I WOULD HAVE SLAUGHTERED YOU!!!! no one even REACTS to her saying this im so fucking madddd. when kokichi spouts lines literally indistinguishable from this the other characters *rightfully* understand him as a massive asshole and ostracize him from the group!! but GOD FORBID kodaka’s most favoritest waifu be treated as a complex and morally gray person instead of a prop in thigh highs who can’t be held responsible for anything she says!! i need to go pet my dog.

-ok i petted murry’s lil face i can be normal about fake people now. anyway NEW AREAS!! kiibo not liking his lab is obviously more of a gag than ryoma and shuichi not liking theirs but it still makes me sad. give my boy his wind chimes :[

-the cathedral floor is gorgeous, but it feels almost mocking now that angie can’t see it...

-”to become a completely different person and feel like you’re part of a different world...doesn’t that sound interesting? don’t you want to live in a fictional world?” NO!!! BAD TSUMUGI!!!!!!!! TAKE THAT MALADAPTIVE COPING MECHANISM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW-

-”yeah, before i got sponsors for my cosplaying, i worked a bunch of jobs. i used to say to my customers...”i’m in a bit of financial trouble...if only someone could help me out...”” HPDHBSGDHS. i love these little bits we get of tsumugi having a mischievous side, like here and the FTE where she says she can walk into trains and movie theatres without paying for a ticket. i wish it came up more often, both in canon and fic.

-turns out the very concrete memory i had of what shuichi’s lab looked like was...completely wrong. huh.

-”but this place doesn’t match you at all. i think this lab is too good for someone like you.” “ahaha, you might be right...first i need a cloak and a deerstalker.” “what...? the clothes wouldn’t even look good on you. it won’t suit you at all, so don’t even try it.” goes to pet my dog again

-tsumugi’s lab having a drink mixing station and shuichi’s lab having a cabinet of poison is such a good red herring lol, i was SWEATING waiting for someone to keel over my whole first time through this chapter.

-”huh? didn’t i tell you before? i believe in people i wanna believe in. and if they betray me, it just means i made a bad call believing in them.” DEAR GOD NOT THIS AGAIN...not everything is ur responsibility spaceman!!

-”heh...hehehehe...mankind deserves damnation...fuck that! we’re already damned here! being stuck here with you losers is the worst hell there is!” “the “you losers” part...wasn’t necessary.” “sh-shut up! i’m tired of this! let us outta here! let us out! c’mon, don’t leave us in here! pull us out!” “miu, calm down! it’s okay! gonta will protect you!” cool coolcoolcoolcool im not obliterated by that at all ○|￣|_

-kokichi claims he hasn’t found what the card key opens in a way that makes it sound like an obvious lie, but since gonta only says he took the boulder off the manhole much later in the conversation, it seems he’s telling the truth. i doubt if he’d asked gonta to move it so he could go in gonta would’ve/could’ve kept it a secret, plus kokichi’s not acting Completely Fucked quite yet.

-FTE time! they picked another of kokichi’s first. the pre-FTE dialogue being kokichi dragging shuichi around the entire dome looking for places the card key could go is cute, the actual FTE just being them having a tea party moreso. also: “my organization requires everyone to have an afternoon tea break. it increases productivity.” “ah. that sounds like a rather...peaceful organization.” “yup. the supreme leader, *ahem* me, is a pacifist. that’s why i settle fights with games.” i wanna see the DICE tea parties....do you think there’s actual tea or do they just put cheap soda in fancy (stolen) teacups.

-they only got time for one FTE...? weird. not as weird as the monokubs were being in the nighttime announcement though :[

-”um, angie’s gone, and student council not around anymore...but gonta still think it best to not go out at nighttime. cuz ryoma got killed at nighttime. and angie, too.” “that’s true...but the promise i made to kaito is really important to me. i can’t break it. i promise, i’ll go right back afterwards. and i’ll make sure we stick together.” “...gonta careless just now. gonta not know you make such important promise to kaito. gonta...so useless.” “no, no! not at all, gonta. don’t worry about it. we all know how much you care about us.” “...” “gonta?” “shuichi, gonta come to decision!” “huh? what have you decided...?” “hmm, actually...gonta will tell everyone tomorrow, when everyone together.” SAIGOKU ARMY HOW U FEELING? BAD???????? the closest thing we have to a true saiou confession scene is kokichi trying to convince shuichi to do murder-suicide with him and somehow not even that shattered my heart like this. how do y’all COPE.

-”by the way...this seems like a good time to ask, but...did you...like kaede?” “huh?” “well...i assumed you didn’t, because that would be weird.” “what do you mean, “weird”?” “liking someone you just met...especially in a situation like this...” (appropriately sepia-toned flashback to the hand holding scene.) “then tell me...under what circumstances is liking someone *not* weird?” “...huh? i...don’t know. i don’t...really understand what that is...nevermind. just forget i ever asked.” “forget you asked? why did you bring this up, maki?” “...no reason. i was only curious.“ “no reason? maki, you’re being...cruel. you ask me a personal question, then act like you don’t care-” “hey! were you guys making out while i was gone!?” WHPDJFHBDSF THANKS, KAITO. in all seriousness though i really do love this scene. shuichi’s right, maki *is* cruel here - but not on purpose. she’s poorly socialized and miserable and blunt and doesn’t understand what she’s feeling - of course she’d accidentally hurt her friends’ feelings sometimes. and it DOES clearly hurt shuichi’s feelings!! he doesn’t move on seemingly without even registering what she said (like the awful gonta shit earlier) or try to make an awkward joke (like in the lab). he just tells her flat-out ‘hey that was mean and made me feel bad’, and i think they were really going somewhere communication-wise before they got cut off!! (no real complaints though it was hilarious). i have (1) fic currently up on my ao3 rn and it’s a maki+shuichi fic i primarily based off this scene. the only maki characterization that matters 2 me <3

-that’s the end of day fourteen! we’ve just now reached TWO WEEKS what the hell. i have so much respect for people who actually try and follow the canon timeline in their fics, i could never. see you next time! love you!

[chilopodacrudus]

Who do you Want to Be? Chapter 10: We'll Make Great Pets

CW: Graphic depictions of violence; cannibalism, cults, (extremely NON romanticized) physical and verbal abuse, major character death, death, blood and torture.

Piers followed Johnny down the winding staircase down to the basement; forced to listen to Johnny’s cheerful whistling the whole time. His mind was on fire; he had no idea what to expect but he knew he wasn’t going to like it. When they reached the bottom of the stairs; his eye ticked at the sight before him.

The floor was finished in smooth concrete; a surgical table in the corner making way to shadows so dark he couldn’t see what awaited beyond that. The most worrying thing to him however; were the jail bars they had just walked through. They extended the parameter of the giant space. Tables were set up; Piers noted a bed in the corner, a small bathroom off to the side. He got the picture now and he was none too pleased.

Johnny: He spoke suddenly in his normal loud; raspy tone. “I hate people like you Piers.” Piers: This just made him laugh. “I’m not too thrilled about you either.” Johnny: He held his hand up as if to tell him to be quiet but a cruel grin crawled along his lips. “I don’t think you understand; I hate people like YOU that think they’re better than ME. You come in here and act like you have ‘morals’; Piers...come on your morals are no better than mine they’re just different not better. I have preferences too you know; I’ve done good, I’ve felt good about myself doing good even. You think ‘saving’ Allison and...man...even CASEY will absolve you from whatever bullshit you’ve got yourself into over the years and you’re living a lie my man. LIVING A LIE. You’re no better than me. We don’t like it here when our interests are put under judgment; you want to fit in...you need to get a little more loose.” Piers: He gave a bitter smile then laughed and couldn’t stop. “You think I see myself as BETTER? You...you don’t know me. You have no idea what’s going on in my head you don’t know what I’ve done. You even get queasy looking at the bodies of the people you EAT you don’t get in my face and act like you know me.” He lurched forward and pointed his finger in Johnny’s face much to Johnny’s amusement. “I like Allison…” He purred; rolling that sweet taste of her name on his tongue. “I like Casey too.” His voice darkened. “You think I have any faith in my mind that I wouldn’t have bled them out in any other situation? I don’t like how you WORK...Johnny...kindness…” He hissed. “Is very important to me. You don’t take a life cruelly...tenderness…” His mind reeled thinking of Allison; of Aster and the ones that came before. “You orchestrate their perfect final moments Johnny...you free them from a life of suffering. That’s what this is about for me…” He placed his hands on Johnny’s shoulders and gripped them firmly. “I’m not a ‘Good Dog’...Johnny...but I do have limits...and now...I want to know for sure...will you hold up your side of the bargain? Can I...TRUST...you with that?” Johnny: For a brief second in Johnny’s mind he felt fear but he was impressed by the display of his new dog in front of him. Speaking softly he patted his hand along Piers’ cheek. “Man...you really are crazy.” Piers: He laughed with his eyes wide jaw clenched shut he had no words now. Johnny: “Yes; you can trust me...to keep my word on our bargain Piers. You can trust me...I don’t think I can trust YOU...but you can trust me...now…” He looked off to the side and spoke a bit louder. “Go ahead.” In a second two large men in surgeons outfits seized Piers from the shadows; Piers fought wildly, when his hands were held down he used his mouth, gnashing into one of the man’s upper arms and tearing into him like a beast until they managed to inject him with a knockout drug. It wasn’t quick but quick enough; Piers thrashed and roared out at Johnny calling him every name in the book and then some before his body finally went limp and darkness was all he knew.

Piers: His mind stirred a few times and then fell silent; pain. He felt a vague sense of sharp terrible pain in his mouth? In his...jaw...his face...everything. He couldn’t pinpoint it. He felt his mouth seized open as Johnny’s surgeons sharpened all of his teeth to match his abnormal canines. Johnny wanted a good dog a good attack dog. More pain; sharper this time and more violent as his mouth was forced shut. His teeth vibrating from the work that had just been forced upon them. What was happening now? He felt the sensation of metal against his chin...against his upper mouth? His face hurt; screws were tightened. Numbness; he didn’t feel the presence of the men for awhile but suddenly, with the press of a button by Johnny, the turning and snap of a latch and he could no longer open his mouth.

He had been fitted with something truly ghoulish; an articulated metal muzzle, bolted into his skull and firmly fastened. The outside was intricate; ‘lovingly’ crafted with interlocking razor sharp fangs that fit over his mouth. Johnny really knew how to treat his pets to luxury and he was Very excited to pamper Piers.

Piers: He was waking up; the muscles in his jaw flexed as he tried to speak but to no avail. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t open his mouth wide enough to talk, at least not much. He muttered. “What…?” But the words were hushed; silenced by the metal work strapped to his face. His eyes snapped open darting across the room. He jerked his arms and found he was restrained quite firmly to the operating table. He snarled which Johnny; who was standing right beside of him, found VERY Cute. Johnny: “Aww now THAT’S a dog! Look at you Piers…” He coo’d down at the hate filled groggy man. Admiring the artistry of the work in front of him. He traced his fingers along Piers’ cheek; down the cold steel of the muzzle and under his chin. Piers wanted to throw up but he was barely even aware right now. “I gave you a gift; something to help that appetite of yours Piers. And something to keep that appetite focused OFF...of me. You must really be hungry friend and I’ve got something real Fun planned for you but for now…I’ll let you rest. I’m a good owner Piers and I know when my pet’s been too stimulated.” He patted his head and smirked. The men came back into view; pulling Piers off of the table and helping him stand. Which he was desperately trying to do; vertigo hit him with a wave of pain and he lurched forward stabilizing himself on a metal pole.

Johnny: “OH...someone wanted to see you...Allison.” He called her name dryly like it was too much effort to even acknowledge her. “I’ll let her stay down here tonight; I feel you’re in a…” He ticked his eyes to Piers. “Good enough mood to have company over. You two have fun.” Johnny wanted him to snap; Johnny wanted him to kill Allison, Johnny wanted to watch but he knew teasing Piers into that perfect mindset would take time, though he was patient enough when he wanted to be. He made his way up the staircase as the men took their leave as well. When Allison came into view. Allison: She had been crying; likely having been filled in with what Johnny had planned to do with Piers, what he had planned to do with her only way out. Her heart sank; seeing him like this. Standing dazed and bleeding from the fresh implant on his face. She looked at the mask that was forced on him; he really looked the part of a killer now but she tried not to think that, not about the man that had just helped her so greatly. “What did he do to you…” Piers: He had time to think but thoughts wouldn’t come; he saw Allison in front of him and he tried to smile. It hurt; everything hurt but he was gaining his awareness. Listening to her words he tapped the mask; slowly moving his balance away from the pole he was resting on, he showed her with his hands that he can’t open his mouth, a sickening laugh escaped his lips and he walked closer to her, or rather stumbled. He was starving; he couldn’t eat, not yet but all he could think of was food and the sweetness of Allison’s scent. The latch inside of him was red hot but he couldn’t open his mouth; he’s glad he couldn’t, not now not now...you can’t right now.

Allison: She wanted to back up seeing him walk closer but she chose to stand still; she got the picture that he couldn’t speak, so she chose to sign. “(Can you sign to me instead?)” Piers: Dizzy he read her voice and rolled his eyes back trying to snap his mind back into place. He knew what the words meant; he hesitated. Language; what even is language but he managed to respond shakily. “(I can try.)” He flared his nostrils and snuffed feeling lightheaded but he chose to give Allison space. He had no idea what was attached to him but he had a feeling it didn’t look very welcoming.

Allison exhaled; at least he’s still somewhat stable, at least he can still speak. She walked to him and wrapped her arms around him; burying her face into his bloodied shirt. She felt like she was at fault here but she was mourning her last chance as well. Breathing in deeply as Piers held his arms around her in turn; resting his tired chin along the top of her head. For once in his life Piers had no plan; he had to play it by ear from here but he could already taste the death that was approaching him from all sides and the latch inside of him grew weaker with every pump of his heart.

[the-firebird69]

So our son interrupted a meeting and he said to the pseudo empire these trumpsters are an impediment to everyone more or less but he was saying they're horrible and are they there and they picked them out and change things and it changed them greatly and Trump was bothering her son and so you're interfering with meetings I said what are you talking about and what about his business said what meetings I'm telling them what okay so I can tell them about you cuz they'll think that I did it already I get that go ahead oh you didn't say anything it didn't help you what are you doing to me is not helping you I'm going to make sure you die John read my f****** a****** you're a f****** dead man punk little pig little baby what's the matter you don't care about dying at all too bad so he called him a Jew bag and the guy got real mad and he said this nobody says that to me since I'm going to mess you up you little Jew so we really don't use the term and sometimes we do and we went down there I'll tell you we went down there messed him up and our son's character went down not himself and knocked him so hard in the head you think that it would break it looks something goes thank you and when he was not finished saying something to get hit again this time he got knocked out and he woke up and he said I'm going to go find that smelly a****** and it looks like his son so it was he's a pig these people are pigs and it says you look like some sort of cooked ham on the on the table there and at Easter time you start dying real fast. So you said this leaving he says kind of code and I'll probably forget it and he goes I look like a cooked ham it's like a they used to cook like the leg and it would look like that brown and that's what it means so she said this we're not together and it means something it's like you're sitting there like this cooked ham in front of him or baked really bad it's really bad symbology and he is going to meet his maker that's what it means and sent by the max and the idiot says I'm sending one to them about you so we're going to pop you we don't waste time telling everybody you're just going to be gone and it's laughing and then he said this these people are worse but we're going to go ahead and try stuff and we stopped him have you got hit over and over and he's going to get hit pretty soon now and his kid the boy are they stupid idiots all you have to do is sit there and people don't bother you but they sit there bothering us bothering them like little brats and your forces really small and your robots are not yours and you think they are and you're a pitiful piece of crap You're pitiful people you got rid of yourselves cuz you really don't have robots like that anymore some reason you think you do there's more news

-we have special people coming over no but they are talking about doing work on the apartment and I really don't want them to now we need to have him fix some stuff they want to fix the septic without replacing it they listen to what our son recommended you have to rotor rotate it and see what it is and you have to make a drain so you filled with a substance that eats it away a little then you have to repair the d-box they said that will hold it over and a lot of people say that and Stan was saying and he said you can probably dig it out and sneak one under and cast like underneath it and he said it's not a bad idea and the concrete should hold up for a while and then you just reattach the three pipes when you put the d-box in and you reattach the pipe from the septic tank and elevations are important so there are ways to do that and this is how it goes we do have time to explain that these things are important to us and you have to find the sidewalk spot that is not going to drop and Mark it well and put how high above the top of the pipe it is if you use the same pipe as you have to and you do that and it works and unfortunately have to join pipe when you do that it might get hung up there unless you squeeze it nice and tight and it's no glue in it a lot of people know how to do that most people don't but the glue will come out after a little and it's still and some people run something down there and they probably won't but this is an annoying place where they do that kind of thing and they're talking about how to fix it and that will do the trick and it it really would the septic tank is old and can probably go another 100 years that's another thing they were talking about yesterday in the meeting about all the septic systems but really it's about here

-along with that they're talking about the rent and they don't like to raise the rent they kept saying it he's not John remillard and other people are not either. Well Stan started to get angry and they picked up on it and they said you're not on our side or something they checked into what he's doing and he's threatening to take their stuff so he is on probation and he's going to get kicked out and they are working on it and they don't want the rent raised and he keeps saying he's not worth it and things and they keep saying we actually hear you but don't think you're right we're telling you you're wrong we don't want you repeating that you are an annoying brat and they kept saying it today like a hundred times and the guy is not listening they said look if you keep repeating that stupid s*** in the meeting we're going to fire you here we don't want to hear it we know what it's worth a lot more than you are that set them off. It set him off. And he started spewing all the stupid s*** about what you're doing and he said and they said to him you're sitting there inspiring it and we have you here doing this and he said it's not me and he's trying to call her son and our son says you don't like Mac in your enemies and you're trying to take over his realm he doesn't really have one and they said this you're in this f****** nutcase It won't stop and they're pushing him out now thankfully and he is just a management company as of today and they stripped him of his ownership rights and they're not going to pay him they're going to sue him and they're not letting him do anything

-this how it goes they might even try and reduce the rent pretty soon with a new management company takes over and it's an excuse to fire him

More shortly

Zig Zag

He has good news and he's been working on it and these people really need it they need to leave they are a horrible horrible bunch of torturous losers and they need to get out of here and we need some Dynamite to do it so I can get recommended recommendations from the guys and forwarded here

Hera

Olympus

[thedevotionaltour]

i have so many comic ideas i have to pursue so genuinely i just gotta start jotting shit down that i've thought about but never put anywhere concrete so i can remember them. last month i had a really fun at least to me i wanted to do an end of the world comic. what would you do if you knew for certain you only had about a month left on earth and i wanted it to have two primary storylines to follow of one of two friends meeting and deciding to spend their last weeks together and then one of a single father at like. 20 with his daughter and following him around. i wanna return to the idea i had in high school where i wanted to write about characters who need to escape in some form get sent to another world (typically due to fatal incidents but the universe has decided it isn't time) but take on different appearances when doing so that was meant to be a way of discussing and dealing with my mental illness. i wanna write my never let me down again inspired comic of two boys going on a route 66 road trip but the beginning starts with the car crash they get into and then goes back to bring us to that point in the story. i wanna write about xel and how she gets stuck with her inability to die and continues to ruin her own life until she realizes she can't escape and has to deal with what's around her and own up to both stuff she's done and acknowledge things that were out of her control that happened to her and hurt her. i want to write about a woman who eats every part of her boyfriend who died. i want to write about a lawyer who has to take on the case of a necrophiliac and when he tells his wife about the case his wife becomes obsessed with death. i want to write about two high school girls discovering a corpse and having to keep it a secret together. i wanna write about the sunshine clinic. i want to write lesbian erotica. i want to write about a vibrant party girl femme trying to live an exciting life who falls in love with a shy, bookish, inexperienced butch in a vaguely 90s/00s aesthetic setting but no actual declared time frame so i can mess around with what i want and what i know. i want to write about leatherette who explores identity and choosing to become who we are as opposed to letting our conditions be the pure dictating and determining factor as to what happens and striving to become who we want to be. i want to write about two soulmates finding each other through every lifetime and at the end we see them fusing in a beautiful burst of light as we see them flash through every life they have had together. i wanna write about the little boy who takes care of the even younger alien who crash landed to earth because my dad loved the design i drew when i was in middle school and told me i should use it for a story one day. i want to write everything ever about xiu and how she has to save herself while still trying to save the city that's destroying her. i wanna make my stories real so desperately and i have to i absolutely have to. i can't live my life without making sure they all become real in some form or else i will have wasted my entire existence. i have to make them so i can live my life to its fullest because what is the point otherwise!!!!

[mattypattypinky]

🌻 post because I miss him sm rn.

Before the player fell, he was messing with countless different timelines with countless different characters. He'd already read every book, and burnt every book.

When the player falls, he feels like something new has finally happened.

I like to think he sat awake sometimes, waiting for something to happen. A human to fall. Maybe he sat on that old patch of grass staring at the furthest hallway, hoping someone would come through for years. Kind of depressing, but I do love the idea of him waiting for me. I love the idea of being his saving grace. I love the idea that I'm that light he needs. I mean, he's the light I needed for countless years in my life, how could I pass the opportunity to be his up?

God, how I want to hang out with him. The sweet silence of sitting in that dark room with him, perched on the small grass patch. Talking for hours, about random shit that we would be able too... until his mom takes me away to her home for the night to eat some b scotch pie. Maybe snail pie, if I'm lucky. I'd love to try it. Then the next morning, sneaking out again in the ruins to do it all over again with him.

I want him to confide in me. Tell me about his trauma, tell me his fears. I want him to cling to me and cry in my shoulder, tell me how scared you are, I'm here for you as you are to me.

Tell me how you don't understand my mercy. My sweet words of affection and praise, tell me how you don't understand how someone could love a cruel, sick and twisted being like yourself, so that I can reassure you just how important you are. Just how strong, and talented you are, for me to reaffirm how hard you've been trying for years to stay determined and to find something to live for.

Tell me how you miss your ex best friend, so I can hold you close and dwindle about mine as well. So we can sit, and talk for hours about how many fun, or bad memories we've had of them. Tell me what you regret. I'll tell you what I regret.

I want to walk through the waterfalls with him, whispering into the flowers our secrets and wishes. How we both wish for forgiveness, how we both with to feel better about ourselves. Our intertwined self loathing and spiraling emotions. Let us wish upon the crystals above that things will be okay. That we'll never run bored of eachother, let us take a boatride down the river as we admire the world we've come to grow so accustom to.

I want to draw on walls and concrete floors with chalk in ruins, have snowball fights in the snow, people watch through the window of the bar, laugh at drama that some folk are rambling about in the town. I want to go reserve seats just to dine and dash at the resort. I want to make fun of people with him where no one else can hear. Shit talk the people that have irritated me over the years, confide in him in those I regret hurting and leaving, and listen to him tell me the same. I want to read books in the library, and see if he thinks junior jumble, or word searches are harder.

i want to be jealous of him, and I want him to be jealous of me.

I want to listen to him vent about his reincarnation that he had not asked for. I want him to vent to me about the scientist and how he hadn't asked her to bring him back - and me listen to his emotional outbursts without judgement and tell him just how important he is, and how thankful I am that she had decided to take the kings task to try to bring you back, as without that, I would never have had him.

I want to befriend everyone with him, I want to show him it's okay to be vulnerable, I want to be patient with him. I want to show him just what a good relationship can be. I wanna him to tell spooky stories to me at midnight under car bed-covers. I want to post about him online and watch the other people gush about how cute our relationship is. Update my status every 10 seconds, just like the doctor, but it's just to bring up how much I adore him. What he's doing. What we're doing.

I want to rest in bed with him, his coiling vines around me like a cozy hug. I want to reach the surface with him. I want to show him the sun, and show him it will be okay. I want to drive in a bright red car on a highway and watch him mispronounce a hawaii sign. I want to take him to get coffee late at night and laugh when he pours it on himself instead of drinking it.

I want to gift him a red bicycle with a golden basket, and sit him in the basket as we ride around town, wind in my hair, sun on our skin. I want to watch shows with him, and complain and share hot-takes with him late at night. I want to rant to him about my high school drop out experience. I want to share my soul with him, since he doesn't have one. I want to listen to music with him. Show him my playlist I have devoted to him since 2021 proudly for him to judge me and make fun of me playfully. I want him to hurt my heart, I want the ups and downs of a relationship. The arguments, I want the miscommunication so that we can inevitably communicate and feel so much better afterwards. I want to sacrifice time and effort for him. I want him to be clingy. - I want him to love me the way I love him.

[xanfeursel]

for the dark urge ask game, 1 10 11 21 for lophi and 6 7 21 30 for vyper?

HAHA... YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for this ask game

lophi questions:

1. What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

so, lophi's a bard, and i have this tied very much into her durge-isms. music was something she was always very passionate about as a child, and her first violin was a gift her foster parents had worked very hard for her to get. however it seemed that bad luck would follow her whenever she'd play, as much as she adored to. at first it was inconsequential things, like things falling or breaking while she'd practice.

until that eventually evolved into her music causing others to get violent, almost as if she was puppeteering them to cause their own demise, if that makes sense. like a fucked up pied piper. essentially what i'd assume bhaal's version of a bard would be. as she grew older and fit into her role as a bhaalspawn this would be a skill she'd learn to harness much more carefully, often posing as a humble street performer who'd be the single onlooker of episodes of mass hysteria around baldur's gate. something like that :-)

she also ends up as a college of swords bard, if only so that she can still cause some bloodshed by her own hands.

(putting the rest under a cut because otherwise this post would end up long LOL)

10. What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the tadpole? 11. What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the Urge?

answering both of these because they both play into the same element of lophi's character-- her need for control over herself. she doesn't even dislike the idea of killing, she just wants to be certain what she does is out of *her* own accord. not some dream visitor's, not some voice in her head telling her to kill.

she may not know much about her own self, but she knows enough that she doesn't like feeling like she's only serving as someone's puppet.

21. What are 2-3 songs that your Dark Urge would relate to?

LOVE THIS QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! using it as an excuse to share songs from her playlist. and share the lyrics that relate to her as well

Marionette - Scarlet Room

In a quiet heart Of a quiet wooden girl There's an imaginary box But it screams I am so sick of this world It owns me I am so sick of this world And she sings

2007 - You Love Her Coz She's Dead

Bang, bang goes a bullet to my head But it's already been eighteen minutes since I've realized I was dead Yeah, okay, so I've made a few mistakes in my life But I never knew they'd force me to pay such a heavy price

Flight of the Crows - Jharia

Well, I think that I've gotta go, and I don't know why But I need you to promise that you won't cry 'Cause you'll be fine, and so will I So just let me out of your mind In the morning you'll learn I disappeared off into the night so quietly That your love for me will vanish too

vyper questions:

How does your Dark Urge react to waking up with memory loss?

god. he's like a lost dog. he's desperate to find answers and just some sliver of familiarity. he believes himself to be a paladin, and plays the role of one as such, but he doesn't even know what god he was devoted to, if he ever had any. this was a whole thing for vyper especially in act one. it's why i like to think he had some form of admiration for shadowheart before really learning about what being a shar follower entails. he admires how strong her faith is despite being in a somewhat similar position to his own.

Did your Dark Urge recall any childhood memories? If yes, how do they feel about the revelations? If no, was it by choice or lack of options?

i think he gets the odd feeling of deja vu, but never anything concrete. it eats him up inside. he wishes he could recall Something, as he does with his memories just in general, though sometimes he thinks if theyre ever worth recalling at all with the image he's built up of who he once was. it's rough!

What are 2-3 songs that your Dark Urge would relate to?

another excuse for me to share playlist music... teehee ^_^

Howl - Florence + The Machine

A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in, but now it seems you've set it running free The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground

Animals - Stomach Book

Pray for a change A cocoon about to break But now, you feel strange And the wings started to take shape Eat and then die All your siblings cast aside, too See with new eyes A world ready to despise you

Futura - Vylet Pony

Is it so sinister to draw blood for it? The future is now, the torch is lit Can it all fall in so neatly? Can we coexist? How can I have faith that no flower will be missed?

What are your Dark Urge’s intentions/goals after the end of the game?

i'm still midway thru act 3 with vyper, so i'm still brainstorming ideas in my mind... i plan for him to re-awaken his oath when he finally breaks away from bhaal though, or perhaps take an oath of devotion instead. something along those lines.

he wants to be able to give this whole paladin thing a real shot, and turn his craving for violence that, while a lot quieter now- i don't think ever permanently goes away, into something more constructive for himself.

he learns that he does not have to atone for the pain he's caused, but rather make a new better way for himself.

AND THATS EVERYTHING... I THINK . THANK U SO MACH FOR ALL THESE QUESTIONS