#catherine hays

[averlym]

Hi! Would you maybe be willing to draw Fluff, 1 for platonic Kat and Cathy, please? No pressure if not obv!

"wait is that my book" "you mean our book?" (prompt list here)

[moonsmultimusings]

✧ . * 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. ✧ . * 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧.

canon multi-muse, featuring characters from 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢 3-5, 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘹 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, 𝘮𝘰𝘣 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘰 100, 𝘖𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘐, 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘱𝘢, 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘦, and more. penned by 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃 (he/they, 21) ♥ if you'd be interested in plotting together, or ↻ to help me find people!

☾ semi-selective, 18+ only ┆ OC and private blog friendly ☾

Muses ┆ Rules ┆ Interest Checker

[thetarotman]

Prosperous Minds: Tips and Tricks

Forever refrain from using the phrase "I can't afford it."

Welcome to another “Prosperous Minds” post. It had been a long time since I wrote one. It is my pleasure to present to you some “Tips and Tricks” to ongoingly attract Money, Prosperity, Abundance, Professional Success and Financial Fulfillment in your life and world. These are from various sources, such as the writings of the late and great Florence Scovel Shinn, the current and great Dr.…

[belle-keys]

The Ultimate Dark Academia Book Recommendation Guide Ever

The title of this post is clickbait. I, unfortunately, have not read every book ever. Not all of these books are particularly “dark” either. However, these are my recommendations for your dark academia fix. The quality of each of these books varies. I have limited this list to books that are directly linked to the world of academia and/or which have a vaguely academic setting.

Dark Academia staples:

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Dead Poets Society by Nancy H. Kleinbaum

Vita Nostra by Maryna Dyachenko

Dark academia litfic or contemporary:

Bunny by Mona Awad

The Idiot by Elif Batuman

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever

White Ivy by Susie Yang

The Cloisters by Katy Hays

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

The Lake of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman

A Separate Peace by John Knowles

Black Chalk by Christopher J. Yates

Attribution by Linda Moore

Dark academia thrillers or horror:

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead

The Maidens by Alex Michaelides

Ghosts of Harvard by Francesca Serritella

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth

They Never Learn by Layne Fargo

The It Girl by Ruth Ware

Never Saw Me Coming by Vera Kurian

Dark academia fantasy/sci-fi:

Babel: An Arcane History by R.F. Kuang

The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

Vicious by V.E. Schwab

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

The Betrayals by Bridget Collins

Dark academia romance:

Gothikana by RuNyx

Alone With You in the Ether by Olivie Blake

Dark academia YA or MG:

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

Crave by Tracy Wolff

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

Dark academia miscellaneous:

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Disorientation by Elaine Hsieh Chou

Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip

[magicarpedore]

Mes voisines gueulardes du dessus qui font une soirée musique à fond et fenêtre ouverte un soir, les voisins du dessous qui font soirée karaoké musique et cordes vocales à fond le lendemain soir.

[bethanydelleman]

Could you rank the Austen main couples from the least to the most likely to have sex before they are married?

Least to Most Likely:

Edmund Bertram & Fanny Price: It is all very proper. They probably have sex with their clothes on after the wedding.

Fitzwilliam Darcy & Elizabeth Bennet: She would have been down, he wasn't. He later congratulates himself on his excellent self control.

Edward Ferrars & Elinor Dashwood: There were definitely smooches, but after that roller coaster of a courtship, Elinor wants things legal and in writing. Also, just because something feels good doesn't make it right, MARIANNE.

Henry Tilney & Catherine Morland: he is a gentleman, but it was really the long distance relationship that prevented them from doing anything. Was there some racy content in those letters? I'd love to know...

George Knightley & Emma Woodhouse: Donwell is right there. You can walk right over...

Charles Bingley & Jane Bennet: "Bingley, who wanted to be alone with Jane" I see your intentions, sir. I see them!

Colonel Brandon & Marianne Dashwood: "I have feelings," said she, "let's indulge them." If something feels good, that makes it moral, right? Romanticism says yes, ELINOR.

Captain Frederick Wentworth & Anne Elliot: Do not care about anything except getting married as quickly as possible. Banns take far too long when you've been waiting 8 years and Napoleon just escaped from Elba. Let's get this DONE.

BONUS:

Lucy Steele & Robert/Edward Ferrars: No way in hell with either of them. She's too cunning to give up her best card before she has the man secure.

Frank Chuchill & Jane Fairfax: Not in a million years, no matter how many times Frank makes puppy eyes.

Robert Martin & Harriet Smith: Abbey Mill farm is like, right there. You can walk over. It has a hay barn...

Related: First Kiss for each Austen Heroine Couple

Also, marriage and birth records show that premarital sex was pretty common. Or else the Regency era had magically good premature baby care 😉

[empirearchives]

Costumes of Napoleonic figures at the Devonshire House Ball of 1897

1. Aileen May (née Wyndham-Quin), Countess of Meath as Hortense de Beauharnais, Queen of Holland

2. Princess of Löwenstein-Wertheim-Rosenberg (née Countess Josephine Kinsky) as Princess Pauline Bonaparte Borghese

3. Thérèse (née Kinsky), Countess Clary-Aldringen as Caroline Bonaparte Murat, Queen of Naples

4. Florence Anne (née Cole), Lady Delamere as Hortense de Beauharnais

5. Sir Charles Edward Cradock-Hartopp, 5th Bt as Napoleon I; Millicent Florence Eleanor (née Wilson), Lady Cradock-Hartopp (later Countess Cowley and Mrs Duberly) as the Empress Josephine

6. Lord Arthur Vincent Hay; William George Montagu Hay, 11th Marquess of Tweeddale; Candida Louise, Marchioness of Tweeddale as the Empress Josephine

7. Kathleen (née Douglas-Pennant), Viscountess Falmouth as Madame Recamier

8. Maria Henrietta Sophia Chaine (née Phipps) as Madame Sans Gêne

9. Henry Chaplin, 1st Viscount Chaplin as Marshal Lefevre

10. Catherine Dorothea Mary Grosvenor (née Simeon) as Marie Louise

[loving-family-poll]

Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 2

Propaganda under the cut:

Charlie/Charlie:

Literally the blueprint. it's implied that charles once had a quasi-incestuous relationship with his sister (charlie's mother) and once she got married put all his affection into the child that was named for him

She tries to get him convicted of murder, he tries to kill her. the whole thing is wrapped in a metaphor about growing up and sexual maturity and the rot at the center of the normal all-american family. their final conflict takes place on a train which is. uh. if you know anything about hitchcock. that's. that's a phallus. whatever they have going on is so much weirder than if they just fucked nasty.

They parallel each other and understand each other to a point where there's some unexplained telepathy happening and they are framed by the camera as love interests, whereas her scenes with her love interest are shot as if something's off about them

Uncle Charlie says she's the thing he loves most in the world and gives her a ring

They have a folger-esque 'no, I don't need any presents, you're here' scene

She's very happy to have her friends see them together and both act jealous when the other is being approached by someone else.

They beat the Hays Code and walked so Stoker and House of the Dragon could run

They repeatedly say they're more like twins than an uncle and niece

"Because we're not just an uncle and a niece. It's something else."

Catherine/Heathcliff:

THEE quintessential toxic fucked up siblings. Raised as siblings, potentially also half-siblings by blood, they would kill the whole world so they could be alone together. The whole world could die but Heathcliff and Cathy would be happy. The blueprint.

The og claustrophobic, insane, toxic-to-everybody forbidden codependent incest of ambiguous degree

Minor acts of necrophilia

Brönte was obviously influenced by Shelley's depictions of sibling incest as an ideal form of love

"You said I killed you - haunt me, then!"

"Because he is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

[bitter69uk]

“Merle Oberon, the durable Anglo-Indian beauty born Estelle Merle O’Brien Thompson in Tasmania (1911), made her film debut as an extra in a 1930 British B film, but soon her dramatic if one-dimensional beauty caught the eye of the Hungarian-born British producer Alexander Korda, who groomed her for stardom and was her husband for a time. In 1935 he sold a half-share in her contract to Samuel Goldwyn, another famous star spotter, who oversaw her transition from exotic to all-American. Never a top star but a popular actress in a number of prestigious films, Oberon continued to make periodic starring appearances until her death.”

/ From Hollywood Colour Portraits by John Kobal, 1981 /

Born on this day: exquisite golden age Hollywood leading lady Merle Oberon (19 February 1911 - 23 November 1979). Of course, we now know that Oberon was actually born in Bombay, India rather than Tasmania, but that wasn’t common knowledge when film historian Kobal wrote his book in the early eighties. In her lifetime Oberon took painful efforts to conceal her mixed-race heritage (when even an onscreen interracial kiss – then called “miscegenation” - was strictly forbidden by the Hays Code), including the use of toxic skin-lightening make-up containing mercury. (A few years ago, the reliably excellent and addictive You Must Remember This podcast devoted an instalment to Oberon – look it up!). In her romantic lead heyday Oberon specialized in period dramas (she’s probably best remembered for playing Catherine Earnshaw in Wuthering Heights (1939)), but I like her best in the movies that forced her out of her primarily decorative and ladylike comfort zone like the sordid Temptation (1946), the nymphomania-themed melodrama Of Love and Desire (1963) and especially the obscure 1956 film noir The Price of Fear, in which she plays a prim high society woman whose life unravels after a hit-and-run incident.

[angelap3]

NON AVERE FRETTA

🦋Non aver fretta, e non aver paura.

Scegli quello che ti sembra giusto, ma, ogni tanto, quando puoi, anche quello che ti fa felice.

🦋Se non ti vengono le parole, lascia che siano i tuoi occhi a parlare.

E impara a leggere gli occhi degli altri, impara a capire quel che non ti dicono.

🦋Ascolta il silenzio, fagli tutte le domande più scomode che ti vengono in mente.

Non lasciarti fermare dalla paura per fare le cose che devono essere fatte.

🦋Scappa quando devi, fermati quando puoi: c'è un momento per seminare e un momento per raccogliere - impara a distinguerli, impara ad assaporare entrambi.

🦋Ascolta il tuo corpo e rispettalo: riposati quando te lo chiede, mangia quando hai fame e ogni tanto ubriacati - di vino, di amore o di qualche sogno.

🦋Cammina da sola su una spiaggia o in mezzo ad un bosco, piangi se ne hai voglia - ma cerca sempre di ridere di più.

🦋Lascia correre ma non dimenticare: pretendi rispetto ma domandati se anche tu lo porti. Impara ciò che ogni botta ha da insegnarti ma non accettare le ingiustizie.

🦋E ricorda sempre che ciò che ti rende strana o diversa... non è necessariamente una debolezza.

Catherine Black

Le Streghe Lucenti

Notte✨✨✨

[samcampbellfans]

Sam Campbell Podcast Masterlist

Here's a masterlist of podcast episodes that feature Sam Campbell, in reverse chronological order. I tried to find all of the episodes that are available on the internet, do send me an ask if you find any that I did not include here!

Note: some of these links are Spotify links but usually podcast episodes are available anywhere you usually get a podcast i.e. Apple podcasts, Acast, etc.

May 2024

Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, Ep 6, Ep 7, Ep 8, Ep 9. Hosted by Sam Campbell and Lucy Beaumont.

April 2024

Some Laugh Podcast - Episode 99. Taskmaster, Edinburgh Fringe & Secrets. Hosted by Marc Jennings, Stephen Buchanan and Stuart McPherson.

Tim Key's Poetry Programme. 3. Safari. On BBC Radio 4.

Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, Ep 2, Ep 3, Ep 4, Ep 5. Hosted by Sam Campbell and Lucy Beaumont.

March 2024

Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, Ep 1. Hosted by Sam Campbell and Lucy Beaumont.

Off Menu with James Acaster and Ed Gamble - Episode 229, Live with Sam Campbell in Nottingham Royal Concert Hall. Note: the episode was recorded on October 18, 2023 and released 2 March 2024.

January 2024

Drifting Off with Joe Pera Ep 12: Australia and its Greatest Horse ft. Cut Worms. Guests: Sam Campbell, Aaron Chen, Guy Montgomery and Yaraman Thorne aka Yaz.

November 2023

Ep110. SAM CAMPBELL / Plato, Purses & Palm Readings. Trusty Hogs podcast. Hosted by Catherine Bohart and Helen Bauer.

BONUS: Ep111. NATHAN FOAD/ Colleagues, Cucks & Cliff Richard. Trusty Hogs podcast - Sam pulls a prank on Nathan Foad at 22:38. Nathan Foad was in Bloods, the Sky TV sitcom that Sam was also in.

Taskmaster The Podcast. Ep 149. (S16 Ep.10.) Hosted by Ed Gamble.

Northern News. ‘A Spider’s Intern’. Hosted by Ian Smith and Amy Gledhill. Sam Campbell's guest appearance starts around the 21 minute mark.

September 2023

Taskmaster The Podcast. Ep 141. Sam Campbell - S16 Ep. 2. Hosted by Ed Gamble.

May 2023

WTF w/ Sam Campbell. Welcome to Meet You podcast. Hosted by Dart Sultan and Robbie Armfield.

April 2023

Mugg Off #173 Live Show Melbourne. Sam Campbell, Sam Taunton, Tim Hewitt, Laura Hughes.

November 2022

NTS - Hot Mess W/ Sam Campbell (hosted by Babak Ganjei).

October 2022

Dave’s Edinburgh Comedy Awards: The Podcast with Lara Ricote and Sam Campbell.

September 2022

Plot Twist podcast Kevin ‘KG’ Garry and Sam Campbell. Sky TV.

June 2022

Mugg Off #139 - Sam Campbell. Hosted by Cameron Duggan, Gerard McGowan, and Yaz.

May 2022

Backyard Stories - Episode Thirty Four - Sam Campbell

October 2021

Aunty Donna Podcast Ep 277 Nippers Feat. Sam Campbell and Eric Hutton. Hosted by Zach, Mark and Broden.

July 2021

The Phone Hacks Podcast 170. Sam Campbell - Hay Ladies. Hosted by Mike Goldstein and Nick Capper. (Thanks to Cambo Fans!)

June 2021

The Good Stuff - Episode 41 Feat. Sam Campbell. Hosted by Sam Taunton and Tom Cashman.

Australia Debates - ABC Comedy. Series 1 Episode 1 - Should Social Media Be Banned?

March 2021

Mugg Off #80 Tom Cashman and "Dingo Duggan" - Sam Campbell plays Dingo.

December 2020

Mugg Off #069 - Sam Campbell. Hosted by Cameron Duggan, Gerard McGowan and Yaz. Note: this episode was recorded in December 2020 but the video was uploaded June 2022.

August 2020

The Grub podcast, with Nikki Britton, Bjorn Stewart, Sam Campbell, Cameron James, and Danielle Walker. Hosts: Anne Edmonds, Greg Larsen and Ben Russell. NOTE: Sam is only in a few clips in this podcast, not in the whole thing.

July 2020

Circling the Drain - Ep1: Elouise Eftos, Sam Campbell. Hosted by Andrew Wolfe.

April 2020

The Good Stuff - Episode 3 Feat. Sam Campbell (An Expose on Women’s Bathrooms). Hosted by Sam Taunton and Tom Cashman.

January 2020

Mugg Off #20 - Sam Campbell. Hosted by Cameron Duggan, Gerard McGowan and Yaz.

The Grub - 2020 Call-in Special. With Melinda Buttle, Becky Lucas, Sam Campbell, Aaron Chen, Rodney Todd. Hosts: Anne Edmonds, Greg Larsen and Ben Russell. NOTE: Sam is only in a few clips in this podcast, not in the whole thing.

October 2019

The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Ninety. Hosted by Guy Montgomery and Tim Batt.

May 2019

Special Features with Cameron James and Alexei Toliopoulos - Ep 50. Pokémon: Detective Pikachu (2019) with Tom Walker and Sam Campbell.

May 2018

Aunty Donna Podcast Episode 97: LIVE FROM THE FACTORY THEATRE SYDNEY FEAT. SAM CAMPBELL

October 2017

The Dragon Friends. S3 Ep 18: THIS BOY FREZNO. The Dragon Friends is a DnD podcast and this episode was live. From the podcast description: "Also Sam Campbell wore a mask and an elephant trunk for all of the recording so if it helps, imagine that." Cambo knows nothing about DnD - he went on the podcast to prank his friend Michael Hing (allegedly). Sam plays the antagonist (an evil Michael Hing).

The Dragon Friends. S3 Ep.17. A Dog With Human Eyes with Carlo Ritchie

August 2017

Mike Check with Cameron James & Alexei Toliopoulos - Ep 45. The Gong Show S01E04 & S01E05 w/ Sam Campbell

January-February 2015

Sad Boys, episode 1-3 hosted by Sam Campbell, Eddie Sharp and Anith Mukherjee. Originally broadcast via FBi Radio.

November 2014

Mark Williamson Chat Show - Episode 110: Becky Lucas and Sam Campbell. With regulars Lester Diamond and Ryan ‘Special Comments’ Crawford.

June 2014

Truth Nest - Episode 1 Feat. Alexei Toliopoulos. Hosted by Sam Campbell and Craig Anderson.

Below are 'lost episodes' - I cannot find the audio anywhere, or the audio files are broken. Podcast descriptions say Sam was a guest. Please do message me if you manage to find the audio!

Special Features with Cameron James and Alexei Toliopoulos: 9. 2 Guns with Sam Campbell. July 2015.

Sydney Comedy Festival Podcast. April 2015.

The Loose Five with Marcel Blanch- de Wilt. Episode 107- Sam Campbell & Shubha. January 2015.

Versus on FBi Radio - Witches vs Calendars w/ Sam Campbell and Claudia O'Doherty. December 2014. This episode has unfortunately been scrubbed from Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and FBi Radio website.

The Loose Five with Marcel Blanch- de Wilt. Episode 96- Sam Campbell and Gearard McGeown. September 2014.

A massive thank you to @vampire-lily / Lauren for contributing to this masterlist!!

[dailyanarchistposts]

The morning’s farm activities include: milking the goats, carrying hay out to the horse, feeding the chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese, etc. and collecting eggs, and tending the rabbits. Later on, gathering vegetables and flowers for market day, checking the fruit trees and associated beehives, tinkering with the tractor, preparing the baler for the last cutting of hay, etc., etc. All the familiar farm chores...only these are all being done in the heart of the City of Detroit, almost within sight of the smokestacks of the giant Ford complex. This farm is located on the converted playground of one of the city’s public schools, the Catherine Ferguson Academy (CFA).

And CFA is not the only farm in Detroit. By my count, there are now at least six micro-farms within the city limits ranging from about an acre to several acres. Even more important, there are now scores of productive community and school gardens, along with hundreds of family gardens, which are providing fresh fruits and vegetables for their neighborhoods and for sale at various farmers’ markets around town. And the urban farming movement is growing here faster each year, strengthening people with healthy produce, and re-energizing communities with shared planning, work, and celebration. It is becoming a movement of urban farmers worthy of linking up with the readers of Small Farmer’s Journal. But how did this movement come about?

Detroit, as everyone knows, was “The Motor City,” the auto capital of the world, home of the GM, Ford, and Chrysler. But in the mid-1970’s, the first of the oil crises hit Detroit like a tsunami. Plants downsized and closed, leaving tens of thousands of Detroiters out of work and neighborhoods devastated. People started leaving the city in droves. That exodus left broad swaths of open fields where vibrant neighborhoods stood a few years earlier. By some estimates there are now in total about 40 square miles of vacant land inside the city limits of Detroit. And as the people left, this new prairie land was rapidly repopulated by pheasants, rabbits, and raccoons, ’possums and songbirds, along with the occasional fox or coyote. But it also brought some determined new urban farmers. As a result, by the early 1990’s, the Detroit Agriculture Network (DAN) came into being to provide a forum for exchange of information, resources, seeds, etc., among these new farmers.

[susieporta]

Ma devi voler bene come prima cosa a te stesso.

Ti devi curare.

Con carezze, leggerezze, o quintali di libri e cose strampalate che ti facciano ridere.

Con amici più giovani di te che rinnovino il tuo entusiasmo, e con amici più grandi di te che aumentino la tua saggezza.

Con persone uguali a te che ti facciano sentire capita e con persone diversissime che ti aiutino a capire.

Guarda tramonti, scrivi una cosa al giorno che ti abbia colpito, poi slegati e vai a correre.

Scappa pure da quel che devi, non aver paura.

Piangi, che non sei debole se lo fai, sei solo vero.

Impara a stare da solo ma continua ad apprezzare la compagnia.

Cammina, ed allenati ad osservare, non solo a guardare.

Hai un medico per il corpo, cercatene uno anche per l'anima: dovresti essere tu, perché l'anima è più difficile da interpretare del corpo e solo tu la conosci.

Ma ricorda sempre una cosa: se non stai bene non potrai mai fare del bene.

Quel che hai dentro scivola inevitabilmente fuori: è l'osmosi.

Se sei distrutto devi ricostruirti, o altrimenti finirai per distruggere.

Catherine Black

[huellas-poeticas]

“Aunque tiene tan mala fama, la soledad no solo es buena, es también necesaria. En la vida hay que estar disponible tanto para el amor como para la soledad.”

Catherine millot

[picklepie888]

Van Helsing: Friend John, its becoming more apparent that Madam Mina is getting more inhuman with each passing day. Tonight I want you to help me test her hypnosis further. But please keep this a secret from Mr. Harker, in case we may have to *whispers* ill-kay his ife-way.

Jack: Huh? I didn't understand that last part, Professor.

Van Helsing: *whispers* I said we may have to ill-kay his ife-way.

Jack: You know I don't speak Dutch. Just say it in English!

Van Helsing: I SAID WE MAY HAVE TO KILL HIS-

Jonathan: *enters the room, still holding his knife* Hey guys. Awful lot of whispering and yelling going on in here. What are you two doing?

Van Helsing: *visibly nervous* Nothing! Friend John and I are simply having a casual, very unimportant conversation.

Jack: Oh, I get it now! You were saying we may have to kill-

Van Helsing: *violently slaps his hand over Jack's mouth* TIME!!! KILL THE TIME!!! You're absolutely right Friend John!!! Conversations are the perfect way to kill the time as we wait for the Czarina Catherine's arrival!!

Jonathan: *suspicious glaring*

Van Helsing: *whispers harshly* Ut up-shay about the an-play in front of arker-Hay, or he'll it-slay our oats-thray with his ife-knay!

Jonathan: What was that about the an-play?

Van Helsing: Nothing! I was just telling an old Dutchman joke! *loud forced laughter*

Jack: We're definitely not planning to do something to your wife behind your back!

Both: *nervous sweating with forced smiles*

Jonathan:.. Okay? Well, I'm going to go check on Mina now. My wife, whom I love more than God Himself. Whom I am willing to die or kill for at any moment's notice. You two continue your chat.

Van Helsing: Ok, thanks! Goodbye now, Friend Jonathan!

Jonathan: *leaves*

Jack: So just to clarify, you did mean to say that we may have to kill his wife right?

[annabolinas]

Anne of the Thousand Days Review: Part 1

Alright, so I got around to writing this review, and boy do I have some hot takes! Fair warning, though; this is so long I'll need to post this in two parts.

“For six years, this year, and this, and this, and this, I did not love him. And then I did. Then I was his. I can count the days I was his in hundreds … In all one thousand days. Just a thousand. strange. And of those thousand, one when we were both in love, only one, when our loves met and overlapped and were both mine and his. And when I no longer hated him, he began to hate me.”

Where do I even begin with this review? I disliked this movie when I first watched it, and after a rewatch, I still dislike it. Anne of the Thousand Days is a tedious slog of a movie which somehow both has a fundamentally weird premise and forgets its own premise at times, especially in its marketing. The poster for this movie claimed that it showed “the most passionate and shocking love story in history!” As we’ll see, though, it’s hard to claim this depiction of Henry and Anne have a grand love affair when they only mutually love each other, at least in Anne’s telling, for one day.

Anne of the Thousand Days started as a Broadway play in 1948, written by American playwright Maxwell Anderson. With Rex Harrison as Henry VIII and Joyce Redman as Anne Boleyn, the play was a critical and commercial success, running for nearly 300 shows. However, as it dealt with themes of adultery, illegitimacy, and incest, Anne of the Thousand Days ran afoul of the Hays Code, so it took over two decades to be adapted into a movie. Most of the blank verse of the play was removed, many scenes were expanded into two, three, or four, and Anne was given a monologue about Elizabeth’s future greatness to shout at Henry in the Tower. Richard Burton was cast as Henry, and the virtually unknown French-Canadian actress Genevieve Bujold was cast as Anne. Burton’s wife Elizabeth Taylor feared the two were having an affair, so she managed to obtain a cameo to keep an eye on them. Taylor had actually lobbied for the role of Anne, but at 37, she was deemed too old for Anne, who (following the scholarship of the time) aged from 18 to 29 over the course of the film. One can only wonder…

The movie follows the basic outlines of history, with a heavy emphasis on “outlines”. The opening scene is of Henry agonizing whether to sign Anne’s death warrant, as we soon transition into a palace ball where Henry falls for the vivacious and charming Anne as his sober, pious wife Catherine of Aragon despairingly looks on. He orders his chief minister, Cardinal Wolsey, to break up Anne’s relationship with the “Northern clodhopper” Harry Percy, much to her fury. She vigorously resists Henry’s advances, her resolve only strengthened by her pregnant sister Mary, who gave in to Henry and now carries his child. Mary prophetically warns, “The moment you’re conquered, he’ll walk away.” Despite Anne’s utter refusal to return his feelings, Henry continues to “love” (yes, the quotes are necessary) Anne, and eventually proposes divorcing Catherine and making Anne queen. She accepts, but unfortunately, political circumstances abroad combine to make it clear that the Pope will not grant Henry a divorce. Having fired Wolsey for his failure to get the divorce, and encouraged by his new chief minister Thomas Cromwell (and to a lesser extent, Anne) to break with Rome to get his way, Henry does so. After a tense confrontation, Anne finally tells Henry that she loves him, and they sleep together; she soon becomes pregnant and they’re married in a shotgun, bigamous wedding. 

Anne is reviled at the coronation, but despite Henry’s hopes and Anne’s promises, she gives birth to a daughter, Elizabeth. Henry is furious and his eye begins to wander towards Anne’s lady-in-waiting Jane Seymour. Anne is furious and demands that Henry make everyone swear an oath recognizing their daughter as his legitimate heir on pain of death, leading to the execution of Sir Thomas More. Anne promptly miscarries a boy and Henry, believing his marriage accursed, orders Cromwell to find a way out. Cromwell soon trumps up charges of adultery with five men, incest with her brother George, and treason, which lead to Anne’s arrest. At her trial, though, Henry suddenly (and ahistorically) bursts in and manages to get the only one of the five who confessed to admit he lied under torture. Henry is still unsure of whether Anne is guilty, and he confronts her in the Tower. Anne utterly refuses to agree to an annulment, even if it means her death, and lies to Henry to hurt his manhood, declaring that she cheated on him with countless men, finding them far better lovers. For good measure, she then proclaims, “Elizabeth shall be a greater queen than any king of yours. She shall rule a greater England than you could ever have built! Yes - my Elizabeth shall be queen. And my blood will have been well-spent.” Henry promptly signs her death warrant and Anne is beheaded by a French swordsman, the movie ending with a shot of the toddler Elizabeth walking towards her destiny.

Incredibly, I did like some stuff about this movie. The costumes, designed by Margaret Furse, are exquisite and mostly accurate; if nothing else, this movie deserved its Best Costume Design Oscar. Even the fact that Genevieve Bujold’s French hoods nearly always lack a proper veil doesn’t matter, in my opinion, since she manages to pull it off. The coronation procession was absolutely stunning, and the recreation of the Tower of London is incredible; they really minimized the distance between Tower Green and St Peter ad Vincula, though. Despite not using surviving Tudor pieces, the score, composed by Georges Delerue, manages to evoke the period really well. 

Concerning the performances, I loved Anthony Quayle’s depiction of Cardinal Wolsey, as he goes from a self-assured, powerful man to a broken, fallen minister. His final scene is heartbreaking, and Quayle humanizes him throughout; even when he breaks up Anne and Harry Percy, he doesn’t seem thoughtlessly cruel. John Colicos’ portrayal of Cromwell as “a man without scruple” is a delightfully villainous characterization, a schemer who owns up to his villainy and revels in manipulation. 

A review of Anne of the Thousand Days, of course, would be incomplete without a discussion of Genevieve Bujold’s Anne Boleyn. While not one of my top three favorite Anne Boleyn portrayals (for the record, Natalie Dormer, Dorothy Tutin, and Claire Foy), Bujold does a good job with Anne. She compellingly portrays Anne’s growth (and increasing ruthlessness) from a lovestruck teenager to a fiercely protective mother, as you can see her grow and harden over the course of the movie. She also captures Anne’s boldness and vivacity of spirit well, although sometimes to the point of straining credulity. Would the real Anne have maintained Henry’s love if she told him at the start of their relationship, “You’re spoiled and vengeful and bloody. Your poetry is sour and your music worse. You make love as you eat - with a great deal of noise and no subtlety”? It seems very unlikely. Anne’s frank declaration to Harry Percy that she’s not been a virgin for a long time additionally seems very incongruous with the historical Anne. Bujold’s acting, too, sometimes feels not just theatrical, but overly artificial and overdone, particularly when she has to express anger. Still, the fact that it is hard to imagine this Anne captivating Henry for seven years is not Bujold’s fault - she performs well the script as written - but that of the writers.

Unfortunately, this is the part of the review where I must tackle the things I disliked about this film. Equally unfortunately, there are quite a lot of them. The elephant in the room is Richard Burton’s depiction of Henry. In both history and popular depictions, Henry was and is the center of his court, someone who shifted from passionately loving Anne to furiously ordering her death on false charges; in any depiction of Anne, he is the other main character. Put bluntly, Richard Burton gives perhaps one of the creepiest portrayals of Henry VIII I’ve ever seen. While not worse than Ray Winstone’s portrayal of Henry as a marital rapist, Burton portrays Henry as a serial sexual harasser and predator. He combines the real Henry’s unshakeable belief in his own self-righteousness with a seedy lustfulness which will stop at nothing, not even claiming he’s only sexually potent with the woman in question, to get into a woman’s bed. There is little trace in this portrayal of Henry’s intellectual or cultural pursuits, and even the times when he exhibits bonhomie feel forced and fake. Furthermore, at only 5’8, Richard Burton is half a foot shorter than the real Henry, meaning he lacks the physical towering presence of the real man; he thus doesn’t physically stand out from his courtiers. In fact, Anthony Quayle as Wolsey is two inches taller than Burton; a screen Henry ought to tower above his courtiers, not vice versa!

Anne of the Thousand Days also completely misunderstands the history of the period, changing it in ways that not only make no sense plot-wise, but which indicate the writers genuinely did not understand the period. Some inaccuracies stem from changing historiography - despite being named after Anne Boleyn, the movie portrays a less politically active Anne than more recent depictions like The Tudors and Wolf Hall. However, this lack of emphasis was the result of the historiography of the time tending to minimize Anne as a political figure; only in 1986 with Eric Ives’ seminal biography of Anne would attitudes change. The inaccuracies I object to are ones which betray a lack of understanding of the basic nature of the history. I’ve already mentioned one of these inaccuracies (Anne admitting to Harry Percy that she’s not a virgin), but there’s several others. For example, Henry is seriously conflicted about breaking with Rome, stating that it would mean “everlasting damnation” and result in his soul being cast into Hell. However, this fundamentally misunderstands the real Henry’s character. When he decided on a course of action, it was not only incredibly hard to dissuade Henry from it, but he often became increasingly convinced of his own self-righteousness. As a pious early modern king, Henry would not have broken with Rome had he harbored as many doubts about its morality as he does in Anne of the Thousand Days. 

Moreover, the Act of Succession in the movie is passed only after Anne agrees to bring Jane Seymour back to court from a (fictional) exile in Northumberland. Henry himself states that “One daughter is much like another. I care not who’s named bastard when I’m dead.” As this Anne points out, this version of Henry is declining to enshrine their daughter’s legitimacy in law so he can sleep with another woman. Unsurprisingly, this did not happen in real life; the real Henry, no matter how much he wanted a son, would not have shot himself in the foot by doing this! To not pass the Act of Succession wouldn’t just harm Elizabeth, but any children, including a son, he had by Anne; Elizabeth, after all, was only heir in lieu of any sons. These are serious departures which go beyond artistic license and veer into a real lack of historical comprehension.

The biggest (and most absurd) inaccuracy, though, comes in Anne’s trial and resulting confrontation with Henry in the Tower. First, Anne is allowed to cross-examine Smeaton, who is brought in, along with her brother George, during the course of the trial. But this greatly downplays just how rigged the real Anne’s trial was, as in real life, no witnesses were called. Even if they had, it is incredibly unlikely Norfolk, who hated his niece in history, would have let her cross-examine them. But then, any semblance of accuracy, realism, or even sense is sacrificed wholly on the altar of drama as Henry himself enters and gets Smeaton to confess that he’s innocent. If this had happened, there would be no reason for Henry to execute him, like Burton’s version promises he’ll do. Moreover, as Smeaton was the only person (both in history and the film) who confessed, retracting his confession would mean there were no witnesses, which would have torpedoed the government’s case against Anne and the men. But Henry does this and then proceeds to mutter, “And yet… it could be true,” which is only explicable in the film if he genuinely thinks Anne is guilty of adultery. The problem is that Anne has never flirted with any of the men on screen; she’s never talked to the ones aside from her brother at all! This means that the accusations of adultery come out of left field, a failure of writing which leaves the viewer wondering where on earth that came from.

PART 2 HERE: