#change and what must happen first in order for such a lasting change to occur*

[icantbelieveitsnotbutler]

How Tight is Sebastian's Collar?

When Ciel "breached" the contract by briefly giving up on revenge, the contract didn't automatically end. In fact, there was no indication that a breach had even occurred until Sebastian brought it up. If the contract doesn't automatically enforce its terms, does Ciel have to be aware that Sebastian is violating a rule and explicitly accuse him in order for the terms to be enforced?

Manga spoilers.

Despite Ciel's efforts to make them watertight, none of the contract terms are as straightforward as they might seem. The first rule, to not lie to Ciel, is immediately complicated by what Sebastian says after:

Does this mean that the contract doesn't automatically filter or check everything Sebastian says and that Ciel has to do something to enforce the rule? Does Ciel have to expose the contract mark and explicitly tell him to not lie every time he asks a question? Or is it enough to ask directly?

Maybe the contract does automatically detect/prevent lies and Sebastian's comment about the contract seal means either that as long as the contract mark is on Ciel, Sebastian won't be able to lie to him, or that Ciel will be able to sense if Sebastian is lying and then use the seal to either force the truth out of him or end the contract.

In the worst-case scenario, Sebastian's offer of three wishes in the contract scene was actually a lie and the terms and everything after are all lies. Only the initial condition (Ciel's soul in exchange for the power to take vengeance on those who caused the twin's month of suffering) was real. In that case, the answer to "how tight is Sebastian's collar?" is that it doesn't matter, because the collar isnt attached to a leash.

In the best-case scenario, the contract makes it so that Ciel would be aware if Sebastian lied to him or outright prevent him from lying, which means that Sebastian has never lied to anyone during the duration of their contract, at least up until the last time he told Ciel that he doesn't tell lies. This is because if he can't lie to Ciel, when he tells Ciel that he doesn't lie, with no qualifications, everything he has said before that is retroactively verified as not a lie.

So what was the point of limiting his required truthfulness to just Ciel? I think Toboso either decided to change the rule for plot reasons that have yet to be revealed, or the rule has always been that he can't lie to just Ciel, and he somehow managed to forget the qualification by the time they left the church.

Something to note is that this rule is not to lie, which is different from simply always telling the truth. A lie is not just false information: it must be deliberately false with the intent to deceive.

Things said to deceive are not lies, if they're technically true:

He can say things that he knows aren't true, as long as he makes sure that the other person knows he's joking/sarcastic.

He can say things that are factually wrong, as long as he believes what he's saying to be true. We see this when he tells Ciel that the dead can't be brought back to life, only to find out later that it's possible. Here's an instance where Ciel proves him wrong in a shorter time frame:

The other two rules also leave an uncomfortable amount of wiggle room for Sebastian:

The official manga translation of 絶対 (zettai) is "without question," but the word more literally means absolutely or unconditionally. Ciel ends up having to immediately add a corollary condition to this rule.

(I think "I need a break" could have been translated differently to better reflect what's happening in this scene. The verb form Ciel is using here is called the causative, which is translated as 'make' or 'let', depending on the context. It's obvious that he's only telling Sebastian to let him rest for a bit, but Sebastian, because he's spiteful, chooses to interpret it as 'make me rest for a bit.')

They establish that Sebastian only has to follow orders when Ciel says "命令だ (meireida)," literally "It's an order" but frequently translated as "I command you." However, there are situations that raise questions about how strictly Sebastian must follow these orders.

In the circus arc, Ciel explicitly orders Sebastian to go to the heraldry office AND find out the identity of the circus troup's "father."

When Sebastian was unable to leave the circus grounds, he found another way to identify the man with the signet ring. He accomplished the essence of the order, but what if Ciel specifically wanted him to go to the heraldry office because it would be the most trustworthy source of information? And then when Ciel directly asks him, Sebastian basically lies by omission.

It all works out in the end, but if Sebastian were in a less cooperative mood, he could use this sort of wiggle room to cause trouble for his master. In the next arc, Sebastian seems to disobey a direct order, but it's just another limit of the translation.

At first I thought this was evidence that an order requires intent and that the contract could somehow sense that Ciel didn't actually want Sebastian to get up. However, in the original Japanese, Ciel orders Sebastian to 起きる (okiru), which means to get up OR to wake up. Therefore, Sebastian was technically obeying the order because he was already awake.

When Ciel says "It's an order," he usually exposes the contract seal on his eye, but not always. Sebastian said that the more conspicuous the location of the contract mark, the more power Ciel has access to. I'm assuming this means Sebastian is required to follow all orders, but orders made with the mark exposed allow or force him to draw on more of his power.

Ciel usually keeps the mark covered for lower-stakes commands:

In emergencies, he takes off the eyepatch when he wants Sebastian to put everything he has into following an order.

The name "Sebastian" also seems to be tied to the contract.

Ciel uses it to summon Sebastian, without the need to say "it's an order."

In Kelvin's manor, Sebastian uses it to summon Ciel back from his panicked state.

Outside of explicitly labeled orders, Sebastian does seem to try to be obedient to his master's commands, compelled by the contract or his personal or butler aesthetics.

However, this contract term can at times conflict with the third rule and with his aesthetics, in which case he goes with whatever option he wants while still technically following a rule.

He disobeys a command (albeit not a 命令だ command) in order to protect Ciel's life.

Agni convinces him that it's okay to disobey an order to preserve his master's physical or mental well-being. This isn't because of the contract rule about protecting Ciel, which seems to only cover life-threatening threats (Sebastian has allowed Ciel to be kidnapped and beaten). He disobeys Ciel's orders (again- not a 命令だ order) and "betrays" him in order to indulge his butler aesthetics.

Ciel's orders and wishes can also conflict with eachother. In Kelvin's manor, Ciel's order to burn the children goes against what Sebastian knows to be his wishes: to complete the case assigned to him by the queen. Sebastian doesn't follow the order until Ciel makes it absolute by saying "it's an order."

When Sebastian encounters the same conundrum in the green witch arc, Ciel doesn't say "it's an order," so Sebastian chooses to follow his wish (to finish the case), rather than his spoken order (to go home).

I fear that Sebastian's collar is loose enough that he could slip it off at any moment, but he chooses not to because he's having fun playing the butler game with Ciel. Alternatively, the collar is tight, but it doesn't matter because Ciel doesn't have the strength to control the leash.

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

Everyone says they love a devastatingly painfully slow burn romance until I, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia—

[writingescapades]

Lemurian Fairytale

A/N: Idk, I just had this floating around in my head so here you go.

“How do Lemurians punish?”

At first, he didn’t know how to respond.

Your voice was low when you asked. You mind far into another world. Sirens shrilled to Rafayel. Was this it? Were you showing your true colours? Maybe Amund was right. He could not betray his steadfast devotees.

“And why is a ruler concerned over such matters?” the Abysswalker asked you as he flicked his dagger between his fingers.

You were jealous of his dexterity. Actually, there was a lot about this Abysswalker named Rafayel that set you off. You thought yourself a fool to run after him, heart in hand. It was unbecoming. Unlike you. Unexpected. Undesired. Yet there you stood, a fool for what you were about to do.

“You,” you paused, mulling over your words, “enlightened me on how Lemurians love”.

Your heart warbled and stung. You clenched your palms.

“Now, I must understand how Lemurians punish,” you ordered.

Rafayel stared at you with a calculating look and his eyes darkened as a voice sullen and laced with anguish obliged you with an answer.

“We make them live without love,” his voice whispered. Then he sighed before adding, “in all the forms such a punishment entails. Year after year”.

“Until?”

You couldn’t help your curiosity, but the Abysswalker just shrugged. Either he didn’t know, or he didn’t care.

A sudden burst of the setting sun’s last golden rays illuminated Rafayel’s figure. As if to acknowledge the sun’s oblations, the Abysswalker raised his head and gazed out the window. The light climbed up your walls, highlighting the room’s opulence. Gems glittered and gold gleamed. Fabrics that circumvented the room fluttered to life. The myriads of patterns etched on them flanked the solitary man who silently sat. Watching him, the scene felt too familiar, and you couldn’t help but think that Rafayel would forever endure and would always have brilliance cushion his every step.

The Abysswalker’s eyes snapped towards your shadowy figure. His dichromatic eyes invited you towards him, but his hands continued to play with the dagger.

“What happens to those who love the punished one?” you whisper.

“My,” Rafayel drawled. “Our ruler certainly delights in morbid topics”.

When you deigned to bite back the Abysswalker sighed and looked away. After some time he spoke, “I suppose they suffer in their own way as well. To exist knowing their love can never be”.

But they live, you thought, though your words were immediately rebutted by memories of words worshiped onto skin on how Lemurians live for love.

But you supposed anyone can endure any agony in the name of love. Let him call you a fool. Let them call you a betrayer. Faced with no other option, you knew what your heart would choose again and again. And in finally embracing your emotions for once in your life, a cool relief washed over you, as if the ocean waves cocooned themselves around you. You would need them for the crucible that awaited you.

It was a relief that burned the Abysswalker. He felt every move your heart made as it danced you through a whirl of emotions for the past few weeks. He knew you were up to something, so he observed everything. He saw the increased guards near the kingdom’s walls. The long shadows in the palace and whispers that traversed the sands and ended in blood. He picked up the chard remains of inscribed secrets and the sudden changes in alliances. And today, Rafayel saw the last warning that confirmed what he knew. The kingdom’s gate closed before sunset. The palace was silent as it anticipated for the bloodshed that was about to occur. And here you both waited. A ruler and the sole Lemurian left in the kingdom. The only ease Rafayel felt was in knowing that his people were currently in the care of Amund, far away. The elder was furious that Rafayel planned on returning to you despite everything you did. Your dip into freedom may have initiated the cascading backlash, but there was a hand that guided you into the deep and despite everything, it still refused to let go.   

Dusk fell and it dawned on Rafayel that your room was probably the darkest in the palace. He could barely see anything and the objects that decorated your room now alerted you to anyone’s presence as they inevitably stumbled in the dark causing a tinkles, jingles, and rustles. As he tried to make his way to you, he noticed your room was too silent. Then, from a distance drums started to beat. Rafayel expected to hear the sounds of insurrection, but when he heard the beats of an execution, his heart screamed as observations finally settled into place. He snapped his fingers and instantly, fire lit up the room. Its flames emblazed your presence near the door. As he drew near, he saw the corners of your eyes turn red and the stiffness in your body as you braced yourself. Yet you still had the audacity to smile.

“I order you to not stop me,” you started, speaking before he could. “And I order you to survive”.

“Anything else?” Rafayel snarled.

His hand still held the flame, and as your felt its warmth, you found yourself bringing the hand to your heart. Rafayel immediately extinguished his flame, but his hand remained warm firmly enmeshed within yours.

“See you soon?” you asked, then let out a last laugh.

The laugh would haunt him as he was forced to wait in the pitch dark of your room. A laugh that would comfort him as he felt your agony, pearls littering the floor. A laugh that would protect him as he made his way away from the palace and towards an unknown future where your story would unfurl once again.

[bluerose5]

The thing about my Second Talon AU is that I like the idea of Zevran and Lucanis knowing each other before Veilguard because it's ripe with potential. I'll entertain the idea that Zevran has lost the Warden either due to the Ultimate Sacrifice or due to the Calling at this point. He lost someone who was either his closest friend or quite possibly his love interest, reader's choice on these options because I could work with it either way. Then, he returns to the Crows when Antiva faces the threat of a potential Qunari invasion. He doesn't return with the intent of "reforming" them for their own benefit, but he returns because they're essentially Antiva's defense system, and if Antiva stands a chance at weathering this storm, then her Crows need to be strong. When all else has been lost to him, he is Antivan first and foremost, and he cannot stand idly by to watch her fall to ruin. Even if that means he must return to his gilded cage in order to protect his home from within, then he shall. Maybe after all of this has been dealt with, he'll return to his life on the run. Maybe not, but he has to do something.

Befriending Lucanis isn't something he expects, but he's curious about him. He has privileges as a Crow that Zevran could only dream about growing up, but there's something different about him compared to some of the others, which is reflected in the company he keeps. It's no surprise that he finds allies in Teia and Viago, because all three of them stand out in the fact that they care. For Antiva. For her people. They're good at their jobs. They accept their roles as Crows, but they extend that role as a duty to protect their home from any threat, both outside and within.

So, Zevran meets Lucanis, the First Talon's grandson, and while this rich boy can come across as a little out of touch with your everyday Antivan at times, Zevran is more than happy to remind him who and what they're fighting for, just as Lucanis is ready to remind him that it's okay to be selfish and have someone care about him and his needs for a change. They spend time together over the years from the moment Zevran takes charge after Guili Arainai's death, and they grow close, often raising questions from others about Zevran's motives, which Lucanis tries his best to brush off. Nothing really happens romantically between them until the last year or two before Lucanis gets imprisoned, but even that is more of a "will they, won't they" dynamic than anything actually occurring between them. They're okay with being just friends, but the potential for more is very much there. Of course there is some uncertainty for both, Lucanis and his inexperience, Zevran and his history of loss when he allows others that close (Rinna, Taliesen, the Warden).

But then the chance is gone. Lucanis is imprisoned in the Ossuary. Zevran spends day after day trying to search for answers, but nothing ever comes from it. To tie in Zevran in the role of Rook, Varric finds him at that point. He's trying to hunt down Solas, and Bela passed along his name. Said that he would be the perfect person to help him find him. That his history with the Hero of Ferelden and the Crows could prepare him for almost anything they face. Thinking about what the Warden would do in his situation, Zevran leaves his second-in-command in charge, and sets out with Varric.

That's not even getting into the relief of Zevran finding Lucanis. The situation with Spite. All of the unresolved feelings between them, and the fact that Lucanis gets to experience that same loss that Zevran felt when Zevran eventually gets trapped within the Regret Prison for weeks.

[artisanscribbles]

Some Oathbound Thoughts

There's a larger post regarding the Order that's still percolating in my head but while I was drafting that post, something occurred to me:

We have very little in text proof that the Shadowborn are as big as a problem as the Order makes them out to be- But do you know where they seem to gather and most attacks happen: The 4 Legendborn Chapters.

This made me start made me start to think about what we know about magic in universe, and also what we know about the Shadowborn.

The Order makes the Shadowborn out to be this huge problem, but Valechez, Patricia and every Rootcrafter we meet treat them as a problem and certainly something to be cautious about, but a known factor.

And none of the Rootcrafters spend their lives at battle-ready mode waiting for the next attack. It's just the Order that does that. But everyone else acts like the Order is the much bigger problem and danger of the two.

But Scions and Squires have been being called ever since the Order's inception to handle all these demon attacks? And we see there is truth to this: The Shadowborn are Undeniably Attacking the Legendborn.

Which begs the question: Why the Order and not the other magic users?

And then it hit me.

The Order of the Roundtable has been around for at minimum, per William, at least 60 Generations. Like with Vera, the spell is somehow bound to the bloodlines. But Vera's bargain is tied to The Shadow King - He cast the Mark and as far we can tell he's been maintaining the Magic required for it to Work. With me so far?

So this begs with question: With Merlin (as far as the text informs us) 100% Dead

WHAT'S POWERING THE SPELL OF ETERNITY?

IT CAN'T BE ARTHUR. EVEN IF MERLIN ANCHORED THE SPELL TO HIM ORIGINALLY LIKE THE CHARM BRACELET (AND WE DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW THIS BTW, EVERYONE IN THE ORDER THINKS ITS THE CASE AND EVERYTHING THE ORDER THINKS IS IMMEDIATELY SUS) CANONICALLY ARTHUR PENDRAGON DOESN'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE MAGIC TO KEEP IT GOING BECAUSE HE CANNOT WORK AETHER (proven by that scene in BloodMarked)

Arthur Pendragon can use the abilities gifted to him by Excalibur and Merlin's original spell, but he can't power it himself. But SOMETHING must be- because as per Sel, aetheric workings can only last so long as the caster can maintain them and live, as as per Valchez and Patricia, all that Power has to be coming from SOMEWHERE EX.1 Bree's whole existence.

Which brings me back to the Shadowborn and the Shadow King's whole deal:

I think Merlin's spell wasn't supposed to last past the OG Table's death. Not originally anyway. Arthur and the Knights were supposed to win decisively and then the portals would be closed forever. And Bree's Bloodwalks seem to support this.

But then, The Table Captures the Shadow King's Crown, and we now Know that is an extremely Powerful Object- but we don't know what happened to it.

Just before Bloodmark's final kicks off, we get the last Arthuriana themed lore drop of the novel- And that is that the last place we saw the Crown was in the OG Table's possession- but not broken and destroyed. IN fact the text seems to support they couldn't destroy it- SO WHERE IS IT? NO ONE IN ORDER HAS EVER HINTED AT SOMETHING LIKE THIS EXISTING- IT'S VALCHEZ THAT FIRST TELLS US ABOUT THE SHADOW COURT TO BEGIN WITH.

And then we remember Morgaine Had A Plan to use the Crown somehow. Now, of course, we don't get to hear exactly what that was because Bree had some shit to work out, but I think its important that we know about that it because it provides a reason for the concentrated Shadowborn attacks on the Legendborn and also a reason for the King to still be kicking around. The Shadowborn harry the Order so hard because the original War never stopped, it just changed.

The King seems to a bit like Sauron - separated from his Crown, he's a shadow of himself (excuse my bad pun), still powerful, but limited in scope. There's no reason for a long game otherwise. But if he were trying to get his Crown back? Because the Order STILL HAD IT?

Well, that would re-contextualize a few things, wouldn't it?

[aroceu]

what's been happening at the otw?

so it seems that on twitter and possibly tumblr, people have been hearing things about the otw board/election stuff without really knowing what's going on. a lot of the different issues get conflated and confused with each other, and things that aren't related get connected while things that are related don't. i'm making this post to make things clear, since i've been following some of it (primarily the otw board stuff) from the outside so that people know exactly what is going on, and to reduce the spread of misinformation.

a lot of this information comes from this dreamwidth journal, which has been documenting many testimonies and receipts, for full context.

an earlier timeline of the csem and insensitive treatment of policy and abuse committee volunteers is documented at @221loislane, on this post.

the election season

every year — for anyone out of touch with how the organization of transformative works (otw) politics go, yes this occurs every year as seats can be held for 3 years maximum but resignations happen, leading to staggering — the org has an election season for the main board of directors. they oversee all of the otw's fan projects, including ao3 and fanlore. there are 7 seats, one of whom is the president (kari dayton).

if a chair resigns, then their seat may remain empty to the end of the term or to the next election season, depending on when they resign. if they resign early, a runner-up from the previous election may take their seat.

elections generally take place every summer, but the actual changing of hands occurs in in the fall. board directors are known by their real life name; this has always been the policy. prior to this year, when candidacies were announced, it was with their full name. however, due to the csem attack emails that were targeting volunteers last may, it seems that they added a layer of protection for the candidates this year, and initially announced them with their first name and last initial.

this election season, there were originally 4 chairs that were going to be vacant and needed to be filled. there were also originally 7 candidates, some of whom applied for candidacy last minute. one of the candidates withdrew early (mid june), so this came down to 6.

in order to vote in an election, you must donate a minimum $10usd prior to a certain date in june (this year being june 30) and tick the box that says you want to become a member.

the republican candidate

on july 24, people started spreading the fact that one of the otw board candidates, audrey richards, is a republican. this is true: she ran for a republican seat for the us house of reps in 2022 (and prior to that, as an independent in 2020.) this can be seen on her ballotpedia. we know that she is the same audrey richards, because her ballotpedia page also connects her with the otw.

let me be clear: this is still in line with org policy, in terms of her real name getting released. their full names were going to be released to the public at some point, and as far as i know the org did not state that they would hide their full names until after the election.

many people, especially americans on the ao3 (full disclosure: i am one of the americans on ao3) were very wary about this, because the republican party has been endorsing increasingly dangerous laws and policies along the lines of fascism and transphobia. audrey running as a republican does not necessarily mean that she agrees with these values; however, because she, as a white woman, felt comfortable enough to align herself with a party that does, many lgbt people and people of color had every right to have reservations about her. her statements about ukraine (disagreeing with biden sending arms) and her involvement with "children and screens" was also brought under scrutiny: see this post by discluded. (i am not endorsing discluded's post; it simply cites some concerns with audrey)

due to claims of harassment (i am also not saying whether or not they occurred), she resigned from candidacy and from the org as a whole on july 25, declaring "congrats on the witch hunt." (x)

the otw then released a statement dissuading people from harassing board candidates. this was not taken well, as they were completely silent last year regarding unsubstantiated rumors about tiffany g, a previous election candidate who's chinese, with views that many were not comfortable with, to the point of saying that she might be a spy for the chinese government. this was spread by chinese- and english-speaking users alike. the otw was silent about this. however, this year, many volunteers internally have said that the otw's silence towards harassment is damning, and in any case, even in audrey's, they should speak up against it, resulting in their public statement.

reprimanding a volunteer of color

also on july 24, coincidentally enough, a volunteer of color made a post about receiving a letter about constructive corrective action procedure (ccap) from the tag wrangling team, due to making volunteers uncomfortable by speaking up about racism in the org.

the tl;dr of why they received the letter boiled down to:

talking about the org's racism in a ~certain way~ in public channels where volunteers could not leave made some vols uncomfortable

sharing internal chatlogs and correspondences to the public. EXCEPT THE THINGS SHE SHARED WERE HER OWN MESSAGES. and before july 25, the only OTHER thing she had shared to the public was the otw's direction on how volunteers should approach getting csem, from the spam attack last year, on a comment in a news post - which is an email that ALL VOLUNTEERS GOT. because none of that was public! no one knew what the org's approach to the spam attack in order to protect the volunteers was! she disclosed it so randoms who are not volunteers would know!

"outing" a volunteer, except she DIDN'T, because the volunteer had outed THEMSELVES in the chat program previously and repeatedly, then changed their icon at some point to indicate they didn't want to link the identities anymore. but there had never been a formal announcement or request not to link the identities, and who was supposed to take an icon change as an indicator of that, so IN THE CHAT PROGRAM (not in public!) kutti made a reference to something that person (under their real name) said in public (under their fannish handle/icon) and got reprimanded for it

emyn a has since made a post about how kutti's general behavior in the chat has made him uncomfortable and was one of the reasons why he withdrew his candidacy, and that he supported the fact that she received the ccap. he stated that alex tischer's abrasiveness (see below) was probably because of where alex is from, in europe. he also said that kutti outed a withdrawn candidate (probably audrey) in the chat program, which was not public information prior to his post. the rest of his claims are presently not substantiated, and most of what i have read about his accusations boil down to tone policing.

EDIT: kutti clarified that emyn got her mixed up with another volunteer of color in one of these claims. she says that she has never talked about audrey either internally nor externally, and does not know what other handles she would link audrey to. she also specified that emyn's accusation of her using "provocative descriptors, such as 'disgusting'" was in context of her criticizing the org's handling of azarias — a volunteer who handled many csem tickets last year, then got their account suspended without warning, and then got implicated for distribution in an org-wide letter, which, yeah, is pretty fucking disgusting!

the alex problem

i mentioned the ccap above because kutti references it in her post about alex tischer here, and when i linked to it on twitter people were confused as to what ccap meant and why it was significant. and i don't think kutti's treatment should go ignored either, because i think it signifies a larger problem that the org has.

and one of these very glaring problems is alex tischer. alex tischer was on the board this year, being their last year of their current term. they were on the board previously too, from 2015-2018. tischer has been called a "missing stair" by multiple volunteers, and a huge problem in the org's function.

more specifically, and as confirmed by a former volunteer i talked to on an ao3 post (wherein they corrected me for conflating two incidents), some incidents that occurred with tischer were:

in 2020, when mainland chinese vols were encouraged to do more recruitment for volunteers on weibo (a mainland china site), the otw had added two new language tags on ao3: tai-gi (taiwanese) and cantonese. the vols were also encouraged to endorse this — not specifically by alex — on weibo. china and taiwan have VERY high geopolitical tensions, and the vols endorsing the addition of the taiwanese language on a mainland chinese site could potentially put them in danger. when they expressed this, alex had told them to "not appease a shitty government," or something along those lines — indicating alex did not care for their safety in a heavily censored country, over sticking it to the man or whatever. (alex is white/german and lives in the uk.)

in 2023, separate from this issue, the otw had decided to shut down the transformative works weibo page without consulting the chinese volunteers. the chinese vols were very pissed and protested, first in english. and then, when their concerns weren't being heard, they started in protesting in chinese. this prompted alex to reply to them, in german, "We can throw all sorts of things at each other, but if we don't agree on a lingua franca, we won't achieve much" (Wir können uns gegenseitig alle möglichen Dinge an den Kopf werfen aber wenn wir uns nicht auf eine Lingua Franca einigen erreichen wir nicht viel.) which, in my opinion, is pretty fucking irrelevant to chinese volunteers not getting their voices heard for something that they had every right to get their voice heard on, and basically told them to "speak english" when they had been speaking english previously and getting ignored!!!

a discussion from the otw slack in 2020 was leaked, wherein a black volunteer asked a question and expressed interest in knowing the diversity of the board of directors. not the diversity of all volunteers. they immediately got dogpiled on by multiple volunteers, alex included, saying that asking for such a thing could endanger the safety of volunteers (which is pretty fucking ironic considering alex's treatment of the chinese vols), the black volunteer should've backread a day's worth of chatlogs, saying that asking about diversity was chilling, etc. i cannot summarize in full how furious this chatlog makes me, so if you are capable i do recommend you to read it to see how utterly defensive everyone got at a simple question about diversity.

these things are relevant because on july 25, kutti made a post about alex — because other volunteers had been asking in the otw slack about kutti's situation, and a volunteer compared how kutti was treated, for speaking up about racism, to how alex was treated, who was consistently xenophobic and as far as anyone knew, did not receive a reprimand for it. alex then doubled down on their previous comments.

this prompted kutti's post, both to publicize this incident and to call for alex's immediate suspension.

board directors resign

there were, at the time, five chairs on board, due to the fact that two had resigned previously (heather in may 2023, jess in nov 2022; neither were replaced). after this incident, volunteers were furious and backed kutti up and also called for alex to resign, or for the other chairs to kick alex out.

two chairs in particular, antonius and natalia, were already on hiatus. they were also pressured to kick alex out, due to the fact that they were only standing chairs, not active, so volunteers wanted them to either come off hiatus and start the process to get alex out, or if they could not do their chair duties, resign. i believe the board needs a 2/3rds vote to kick someone off as a chair, which is why they were brought into the conversation — 2/5 chairs would not be enough.

on july 26, natalia did reprimand alex's behavior in the chat according to some sources. an anonymous source said that both natalia and antonius had started their resignation process prior to the alex-kutti incident; they made this public and official after/during this conversation.

on july 27, alex also said that they had resigned "yesterday." it is unclear if they only resigned from the board, or the org as a whole, considering they were still the webs chair, a tag wrangler, and on the translation and support committees.

all three board resignations were made public in an official announcement on july 27; natalia and antonius's were made first, with alex's as an add-on shortly afterward. however, as alex and antonius's spots were already outgoing, this has only opened up ONE slot for the election: a fifth one. and there are five candidates.

what happens next?

with five vacant seats and five candidates, this means that the election is uncontested. however, two of the five candidates will serve partial terms (the ones who get less votes; 2 years each), while three of the five candidates will serve full terms (3 years each.) if you've donated at least $10 to the otw in the past year, you're eligible to vote. a comprehensive schedule can be found here.

all candidate platforms/q&as can be found here in individual posts, and here as a spreadsheet.

by the way, this is not the first time most of, if not a full board has resigned almost all at once. this occurred previously in 2015, due to some of the following incidents (these may not be all of the reasons for the mass resignation, but definitely for many of them):

insanely incompetent financial handling wherein they had donations up to six figures held in paypal accounts

the removal of sanders, a candidate during that election season, because she had resigned from her role as treasurer recently, thus supposedly making her ineligible to run (candidates must have served as a volunteer in any position for 2 years), even though she was still on the dev committee. she did not resign from the candidacy herself. the election committee had objected to this but was overridden by the board. sanders is black.

a board chair had gone under a sockpuppet account during multiple candidate chats asking questions "as a concerned member," even though she was board chair, indicating a conflict of interest.

during the open board meeting in november (after the election), without warning the board decided to appoint andrea, the candidate who got the least number of votes that election year, to a spot that was vacated a whole year before. it was hard for me to find context around this situation but from what i've gathered, andrea was already friends with the present board and the newly appointed board had not yet settled in. when this was met with appropriate backlash and accusations of power grabbing, this is when the entire board at the time — minus the new elects — resigned.

i bring this up to show that the otw has never been a perfect organization — rather, it has always had its problems. i did not pay much attention to these incidents previously, but considering how the current election season has become more and more prominent on my social media, i feel that it's important for me to be in the know now, and to spread this information to others.

i am not a volunteer (although i used to be a tag wrangler for a brief time.) i am not speaking on behalf of anyone mentioned or linked in this post except for myself. i strongly believe in making an organization's policies public and for as much information to be accessible as possible, for a site that i'm an active member on and love to use. i believe in ensuring the safety, comfort, and consideration of volunteers of color. i am making this post because i believe the otw deserves to be transparent like any other organization. please feel free to share and discuss as you see fit; and if any of this information is incorrect, please let me know asap!

edit: follow-up incidents

this post by @fandomantiracism writes a detailed timeline of the mishandling of chinese volunteers (including the below incidents), and explains exactly why the environment in which otw volunteers in china must be handled with a modicum of more care than they do currently. please read it to fully understand the cvols' situation! (disclaimer: i am not affiliated with this blog.)

during the candidate chats, a chinese candidate got an extremely inappropriate question from a present chair/former or present board member, breaching on org privacy (even though kutti got a ccap for less), a clear attempt to attack the candidate by making them appear unsafe and immature, and with a lie that put their ACTUAL SAFETY at risk. see this post, and this thread on twitter

an aforementioned former volunteer detailed another incident where the treatment of chinese volunteers was severely mishandled; see here

[summerlovingbaby]

secrets

“ Don’t call him, don’t you dare-” she demanded through pained gasps. Her ribs were jutting out of her chest at painful angles, and blood from a nosebleed was pouring into her mouth.

A training incident gone wrong. A machine malfunction that ended with her being smacked through a brick wall and clear into the next room. She thought she was fine, at first she stood, then the pain hit her hard and she lost her footing and collapsed.

Bakugou was closest and caught her before she hit the ground, barking orders at the rest of the group, while they stood and watched like statues. By the looks of it she broke most of her ribs and she needed a hospital imediatly. He took his phone out of his pocket and dailed for an ambulance, and it was only when she woke up and began moaning in pain did the thought occurred to call her brother.

The Todoroki’s were twins, and despite their near identical looks, they didn’t seem all to fond of eachtother, what at first seemed to be like mutual indifference because increasingly obvious that it was less indefrence and more avoidance. Who could blame them, with the childhood they had. One ignored and clawing desperately for attention, one abused by the same man. 

Y/N scraped into UA by the skin of her teeth and fought hard to stay there. Her father actively didn’t want her to go to UA and was looking for any reason to withdraw her, and she was determined not to give him one. She was in the top of their class, trained harder than anyone, but was generally carless and reckless with her life because she didn’t think it was worth much.

Bakugou at least they assumed that they cared for eachother in weird ways.

Bakugou looked over her shoulder at Deku who was fiddling with his hands, “ Call Todoroki,” he demanded.

Her eyes widened at the thought of that, she lifted her shoulders from the ground, but pain shot through her spin and she flung backwards again. 

“ Deku don’t you dare,” she demanded. The last thing she wanted to do was be a bother to her. It seemed he actively disliked her, and she didn’t want to seem like a burden. “ You can’t call him, you better not, or I swear-”  her rant was cut off by a loud groan and a wet cough.

“ Should I call her dad?” someone asked in the crowd.

The thought of her father seemed to make her panic, where she was rather calm before, she frantically tried to get up, but only ended up rolling to her side. Blood spilt from her mouth and onto the wooden floor of the gym. Blue and red lights flashing outside the gym window let them know the ambulance was here. Y/N was then filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread rising from her chest, she could feel blood rising in her throat, and began to choke on it, she opened her mouth to breathe but could only gurgle out blood.

“ Don’t call her dad, call her brother,” Bakugou said, he grabbed her hand, in a poor attempt to calm her. He cool demaner slipped and she pathetically clawed at his arms.

“ Please don’t,” she garggled, “I don’t want to bother him,”

The doors burst open and a group of men in uniform ushered in, with a gurney and she was quickly loaded onto it, and sedated because she refused to stop talking, and the mere mention of her brother she would try to sit up, and the peramedics kept asking about her father which raised her blood pressure to dangerous levels.

Shoto was revising a homework assignment at the counter when Iida burst into the room being trailed by a very concerned Deku, whatever happened must have been important because the pair of them were still in pajamas, neither of them had bothered to change out of their slippers.  Deku spotted him first and nearly knocked him on the floor, trying to get his attention.

“ Midoryia, whats wrong?” he asked, suddenly concerned. Deku looked rather haggard, and Iida hadn’t taken off his nightcap.

“ Something happened to your sister!” Iida said, his phone rang suddenly and he quickly awnseered it and held it up to her, “ Bakugou and Kirishima are taking her to the hospital, it’s bad,” he said quickly. “ Bakugou says its bad, which means we should go to the hospital,” he said.

“ I know a bus route,” Deku said scrolling on his phone.

“ What?” Todoroki was blinking rapidly, if he were being honest he didn’t hear a word they said after sister.

Alarmed by Todoroki’s lack of panic, Deku repeated his words very slowly and made sure Todoroki nodded along. Once Deku finished Todoroki looked between the pair, vaguely confused, his face twitched into something that could have been concern.

“ What happened?” he asked. He closed his computer.

“ Training accident, that robot flung her through a brick wall,” Deku spoke rapidly. He tugged at his wrist trying to urge him off of the barstool, but Todoroki restited.

“ Oh,” he said quietly, like it was the smallest voice in the world, “ Well I hope she’s okay,” he said, he chewed on his bottom lip and stared at his hands. He couldn’t seem to move, and while he wanted nothing more than to stand and take the quickest bus to the hospital, something caused him to pause.

Deku balked at Todoroki, then cocked his head to the side, studying Todorokis very limited expressions, “You don’t want to see her?” he asked. He knew their relationship was limited, but never knew the exact extent of this. He knew Todoroki cared for her, even if it wasn’t in obvious ways. He always looked at her in class, sneakily listening to her conversations to make sure that she was okay.

“I don’t think she wants to see me, I don’t want to cause her any more pain,” he shrugged sadly. “ She doesn’t really like me very much,” he added.

“ Oh, Sho, you’ve got it all wrong, that’s not it at all,” he said softly.

Iida, who was still on the phone, pulled away from it and used his other hand to cover the speaker.

“ They’re getting her scans but she’s gonna need surgery, she broke most of her ribs and punctured a lung, and they think she has abdominal bleed, and they’re testing her to confirm, we should go now,” Iida said firmly.

“ She’s allergic to iodine,” Todoroki said, “ tell them to tell the doctors that she’s allergic to iodine,” he said firmly.

Deku yanked Todoroki from the stool so hard he nearly fell off the chair, he was not gonna let Todoroki fail to support his sister because they were both to stubborn to admit they cared for each other, for whatever reason they seemed determined not to make connections.

By the time they arrived at the hospital, Y/N was already in surgey, getting Todoroki through the hospital door was a struggle enough, and they only convinced him by promising that he could leave once she pulled through surgery.

“ She’s not gonna want to see me,” Shoto insisted, pacing along the waiting room wall.

“ Why wouldn’t she, you’re her brother?” Iida asked, “ I know it’s complicated but-”

“ It’s not complicated, she hates me,” he said sadly.

Everyone in that room knew exactly how untrue that sentiment was. 

“ Sho, she loves you, so much, she thinks you hate her,” Deku explained.

It took 5 hours, she broke 5 ribs and punctured a lung. The impact ruptured her spleen, which bruised her appendix. Surgery was extensive and painful, but they wheeled her into the ICU where Bakugou waited for her. Todoroki wanted to stay, she looked so much like their mom after their dad beat her. Bruised, bloody and broken it seemed wrong to leave her.

Besides Deku said he was wrong and he had to find out if it was true. He spent his whole life thinking his sister wanted nothing to do with him, and if she did, if there was a small chance she did then he had to know.

The doctors only allowed one person in at a time, as not to overwhelm her, her heart rate was all over the place, and they thought the commotion would make her to unstable. Bakugou insisted he was the first to see her, and he had his mean face on, and the whole team knew better than to argue with him when he was in a mood like that.

She smiled at the sight of him, he was wearing his glasses and they made him look like a little old man. A grouchy old man. But he was allowed to be a little grouchy, the doctor explained that she had serous injuries and nearly died half a dozen times, he was allowed to be mad, it was only fair.

“ You’re not allowed to yell at me,” she said softly, He looked at her, and she knew that he called him. “You called him,” she said, she tried to sit up, but all the wires crossing her chest made it hazardous. “Why? I told you not to, I told you-”

“ Y/N-”

“ The last thing he needs for me is to bother him, he already hates me enough I don’t need to give him another reason to do that,” she said pathetically. She was trying hard not to cry, but her mouth fell into a frown and she could feel tears welling in her eyes. 

“ He doesn’t-”

“ I don’t want him to think any less of me, he already thinks the worst,” she started, before she erupted into tears. “ Oh my god, I miss my mom,” she said through painful sobs.

“ Y/N I think the world of you,” his voice came from the door. Bakugou quickly excused himself, and Todoroki cautiously walked towards the bed.

It was true, he thought the world of her. He was strong, stronger than he ever was, stronger than he ever would be. Strong enough to get into UA on her own, strong enough to defend their mom, stand up to their dad. And she was smart, and brave, and everything he couldn’t figure out how to be.

“ Don’t lie because you feel bad,” she said quietly.

“ I’m not lying, Y/N I mean it, I never hated you, and why you think that is beyond me,” he said firmly.

“ You’ve avoided me since Toya died, and you seemed so angry all the time, I thought you were mad at me,” she said.

“ You avoided me,” he pointed to his chest, “ everytime I saw you, you would just walk away.”

Her eyes glazed over, “Daddy told me to leave you alone, he told me that you didn’t want to hang out with me,” she pouted at the memory. “ He said that you didn’t like me anymore because I was pathetic, and you wanted to focus on being a hero, and that I would hold you back. It seemed so important to you, and I didn’t want to hold you back.” She was 5, her older brother died and after his funeral, a small affair with no food comfort or warmth, her dad pulled her aside, chastised her for crying in public and told her that her twin hated her, and she would always be a weak small girl.

Shoto breathed heavily, for a second he felt like a little boy all over again, bending at the will of his mean bastard of a father. “ He told me that you never wanted to speak to me again because it was you knew it was my fault that Toya died, and you seemed so sad all the time when I saw you, so I thought it would be better stay away,” he said quietly.

“ Because I missed you, and you hated me,” she said.

“ I never hated you,” he said firmly.

Tears welled in her eyes again, and a broken sob ecapsed from her lips. Her father was a bastard, that much they knew, but he took away something that they would never get back, they took away their twinhood. They spent years avoiding eachother because they were convinced it was for the best.

“ So we can hang out?” she catiouned a ask through tears, “ And be friends again.”

Todoroki nodded quickly, he wanted nothing more than to be her brother again.

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[sheepheadfred]

Ectoberhaunt Day 8: Pirate ship

Summary: 'Walk the plank, shark bait'. Sure the order gave him an excuse to transform unseen but something, or should he say 'someone', unintentionally prevented that. Well then, time to finish this as Fenton instead!

AO3 link

Stupid Youngblood! Stupid him for letting them steal the ghost shield generator! Why did it have to be some stupid song and stupid Ember and stupid adults and 'miss I'm so mature' Jazz being susceptible to that horrible and boring and dumb music! And!

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!

Fear and rage swirling inside him turned his inner screaming outward as he plummeted off the ghostly pirate ship. Away from the fight above and closer to the streets below.

...Wait, shit.

He has ghost powers!

HE CAN FLY!

Quick, the ground is getting closer you buffoon!

Right when that thought passed through his head and seconds before he actually could change, something hard and solid caught him.

Fuck! They almost killed him the rest of the way! He will make them regret this!

Winded but not a stain on the ground and deader than before, he looked past the tears in his eyes the high speed falling caused and gave shape to the red being quite literally standing before him.

Valerie?

"Hey, Fen- kid, are you alright? What is even happening here?"

"You mean, you don't know?"

Danny was baffled at how she somehow remained blind, or he guessed deaf, to the adult kidnappings going on lately and he showed it clearly on his face.

"Know what? And let me remind you my hoverboard follows my lead and I will drop you."

"Gee, thanks. My savior." Danny made sure his sarcasm was obvious, "That stupid music being blasted from every radio in town was actually mind control targeting adults and we are rescuing our parents since you asked oh, so nicely." He informed her in the most annoyed tone he could, recent events have made him a bit short tempered.

A delayed thought occurred to him, "Wait. And Jazz. That know it all believes she is an adult and that's enough for it to work."

He said that last sentence under his breath with a bit of a pout, thinking of his sister who shouldn't even be there.

"We?" Valerie asked in disbelief.

"Yes. We. As in 'my friends and a bunch of kids who decided to throw a party in my house I wasn't even invited to. Our parents were taken and we are fighting ghost pirates to get them back."

A muttered 'can't fucking believe this' and 'of course they didn't even invite me' as she moves to drop him off on some roof top before Danny stops her from leaving him.

"If you leave me here, I will find my way back up there. That is a promise and a threat." The words came out of his mouth before he fully processed it.

Dammit!

He needs to be Phantom but if Valerie is here, that might impede their goal. Oh well, guess he's sticking with it and fighting as Fenton. Oops.

She must have seen the fire in his eyes or something because she lifts him with one arm placing him feet first back on her board behind her.

"Fine. Get on. Don't make me regret this. Now hold on!"

And they were off, closer and closer to Youngblood's ship where their peers remained captive due to that ghostly shield-like force field.

Upon reaching the ship, Danny jumped off the hover board and raced towards the captured teens as Valerie blasted Ember point blank, knocking her straight across the ship. Instead of landing, she vanished in her blue flames and, absolutely done with this, cut her losses.

Taking out his parents' inventions that he brought with them as well as swiping one of the Valerie's, he cobbles together a device to free the others while Valerie holds off Youngblood's skeleton crew. Being more careful than usual with the knowledge of the parental captives on board.

"Fenton?! What are you doing?" Danny thinks it was Dash's voice but he wasn't sure as he doesn't use his actual name when they interact. Extenuating circumstances perhaps?

"Shut up and let me work or I will leave you there." Danny snaps as he works in full concentration.

Had he looked up, he'd have seen several, usually cruel, faces blushing at his directness and competency.

A delayed shut down set, he steps away and stalks towards Youngblood. Tucker's job was completed as he deactivated the ghost shield already and Ember is long gone, leaving one less ghost for him to deal with. His eyes glinted green, raising his own intimidation factor, as he stalked towards the ghost.

"Avast scallywag, what be you trying so hard for these landlubbers for? You're ruining all the fun! Let there be a bout for the fate of the booty, then!"

"Brat, it's past your bedtime." A smirk playing on his lips as he riled up the ghost playing pretend.

"Kid, what are you doing antagonizing a ghost like that?! Get your parents and get out of here!"

Aww, she cares.

But Danny has had a very long, very bad day and they need to take it out. And if he can't be Phantom to do it, then so be it. He can't bring himself to care right now.

"Nice to know you care, Red, but don't worry about me. Just get everyone else to the Ops-center blimp. Might get going before the adults come to. Or you can just stand back, you're in the splash zone."

"Splash zone? Wait, what did you call me?"

"Seriously, that's what catches you off guard? You wear all red, so 'Red'. Why? Do you want me to call you anything else instead?"

Danny pulls out a weapon akin to a lightsaber and says, "As for the first question," he pauses for dramatic effect, "these pirates no longer have to wonder where their god is. Because he's right here! and he's fresh out of mercy!", with the most feral grin any of his classmates have ever seen on him.

"Captain, I don't think he's messing around." Youngblood skeleton parrot informed him, looking a bit scared.

Danny let loose as the last of the captives and teens made it onto the blimp, only 'Red' beside him.

"Choke on my vengeance! Choke on it"

...Or more like, watched on in concern. Ready to grab him when the ship falls in earnest. At this point, she isn't even sure if he'd notice they were currently falling.

She almost feels sorry for the ghost. Almost. the ghost seems to be able to keep up with Fenton's increased movements and attacks. Perry and dodge and counter and strike. Blow for blow even among the mutual smack talk and banter. He even started to overpower the ghost at some point before it evened out again for a time.

Both are having fun it seems. Danny clearly doesn't have a healthy outlet for his aggression if he gets like this, but Valerie knows she is not one to talk.

Really feeling gravity take hold, Red steps in and grabs him like he's a misbehaving kitten.

"Ok, you've had your fun," Red finally says after a while, "I'm getting you out of here before we drown with the ship."

The second she pulled Danny back from his frenzy, the ghost pirate kid flew further into the ship. Oh well, making sure she and her classmate don't die will have to be her priority here.

They ride back to the group of dazed adults and geared up teens on her hoverboard.

"Did you get that all out of your system?"

"Yeah, that was fun!" Danny gleefully answered with a laugh.

Yeah, he really is a Fenton with that kind of weirdness. Oddly charming thought.

At her unimpressed silence, he added "You had fun back there, too. Don't lie. When's the next time you'll get to fight on a pirate ship?" A sly smirk playing on his lips.

"...Ok fine. It was a little fun. Happy?" She relented as they landed by the group. The laugh she got in response was answer enough.

As they meet back up with the other teens, they are either looking dumbstruck at him or staring at the ghost hunter behind him. Sam and Tucker were watching her more with suspicion, but he saw some humor in their eyes when they saw him.

All eyes on them, Danny asked the group if they could meet back at his place to not let the adults know what happened. If they hurry they can make it back and claim to be studying or something if caught and questioned.

When asked why, he just replied with, "They are going to see us and I'm the one who will be in trouble. Either grounded or they'll be excited and try to drag me full force into the family business," Another thought occurred to him that would really make them go for this idea, "If they know you helped, they'll be even happier for that path and try to encourage it."

After that last statement, even those who wouldn't have cared for either outcome he'd get practically shivered in dread. This was a one night only thing and just to save their parents, not an interest into a full time gig!

Huh. It really does take just the right words!

Everyone but the huntress left to cover their tracks before the adults realized where they were or what they did. Leaving her to handle the dazed and coming to adults. And Jazz.

Now that things were calming down, 'badass and confident' Danny was receding back to a more 'sheepish and charming' Danny, brushing off anything cool he just did as 'spur of the moment'. Instead he flitted around as everyone hit the evidence, making sure no one was hurt after all of that as he took back his family's gear to put it away.

The least some of them did was change back and rush home before they could get in trouble themselves.

Danny was bewildered when Paulina even kissed his cheek for earlier, even when she said shed never be into him right before the plan went into action, on her way out and Dash didn't even threaten him.

Strangely got a 'That was pretty cool of you' and Danny still isn't sure that he heard right.

His friends were celebrating 'how cool' that was that they did that on top of bringing quality music back into town as they helped him clean.

"Dude, you snapped back there."

"And it was awesome! If only I could do that too, then I might be able to make changes a bit easier."

"You having powers on top of already being able to commit violence already kind scares me and I'm the ghost who snapped."

The three share a contented smile and have a fun laugh about their crazy night before taking out their homework to act like they've been at it for hours right in time for his parents and Jazz to walk through the door, confused but unharmed.

[sneakyboymerlin]

I have said it before, but Kilgharrah has a parallel-opposite arc to Morgana. His character is redeemed in the same streak of episodes where Morgana goes from an ally to a major villain. While Kilgharrah was often self-serving and manipulative in the first 2 seasons, this changes by the end of season 2 because Merlin chooses to show him mercy after incapacitating him. It’s the first real kindness that Kilgharrah has experienced in well over 20 years. Whereas, when Merlin shows Morgana mercy by making the deal with Morgause to save her after she’s been incapacitated, Morgana returns more vengeful than ever. Back to Kilgharrah, though…

Not only does he indebt himself to Merlin, he comes to see Merlin in an entirely new way. Before, when he would call Merlin kin, it was in the most literal sense—both are creatures of magic, cut from the same cloth, and should be allies. But now, they’ve formed a bond from that kinship (and in a literal soul connection sense, too, no less). Kilgharrah’s plea strikes Merlin with so much force because they’re both now the last of their kind, and Merlin cannot help but consider and understand what Kilgharrah has been through, despite the destruction he’s caused, because it’s happened to Merlin, too. When they see each other next, this is what they have to say:

Merlin: I didn't think you'd answer my call.

Kilgharrah: Merlin, I could not resist a dragonlord, even if I wanted to.

Merlin: I’m grateful, thank you.

Let’s focus on that: “…even if I wanted to.” Kilgharrah did not want to resist Merlin’s call for help because he’s come to care about Merlin in his own way. This development is easily traced back to Merlin’s show of mercy. It cannot be stressed enough: this was the first kindness Kilgharrah had been shown in over 20 years, after rotting away in a dungeon when he was betrayed in every way possible, suffering from the grief of his entire species going extinct on Uther’s orders. And with this one show of mercy, Merlin changed the heart of a creature that everyone had already dismissed as a monster (the same way Merlin sees himself), one who sought his revenge by razing an entire city to the ground. From the start, Merlin treats him as a person: “Why are you doing this? You’re killing innocent people!” No one who saw him as a mere beast acting on its true nature would ask a moral quandary of him. And in the end, this path leads to Kilgharrah being spared, and Camelot repeatedly being saved as a result.

Kilgharrah’s sincerity in his care for Merlin is consistent in later seasons, and is seen in more than just his rescues. In 4x02, he plainly urges Merlin not to sacrifice himself, despite the fact that Arthur’s life (and thus, Kilgharrah’s ultimate freedom) hangs in the balance.

Merlin: Arthur intends to sacrifice himself to heal the Veil. It is my destiny to protect him; you taught me that.

Kilgharrah: Merlin, you must not do this.

He shortly follows this with something we’ve known since Merlin mended the rift between them in 2x13:

Kilgharrah: From the moment I met you, I saw something that was invisible. Now, it is there for all to see […] It will be an empty world without you, young warlock.

Having failed to convince Merlin to let someone else be the sacrifice, Kilgharrah commends him. Not only that, Kilgharrah mourns him.

This is all to say that Kilgharrah’s actions in seasons 1 & 2 should not be the sole focal point for our judgment of him, when he undergoes such an extreme change of character. Furthermore, there is no reason to believe that Kilgharrah’s faith in the prophecies is anything but genuine. Alongside his newfound care for Merlin, his ultimate goal is his own freedom, and he believes that Arthur is the key to that.

Kilgharrah: We need Arthur to live […] Your destiny is to protect the young Pendragon until he claims his crown, and when he does, magic can be returned to the realm. Only then will I be free.

This logic is in line with what occurred in 5x13. Kilgharrah wouldn’t have said or done any of what he does in 1x13 if he did not believe that Arthur’s ascension to king would lead to his own freedom (even if it didn’t take immediate effect). Arthur’s place on the throne made room for an end to the wars, namely the one on magic. Kilgharrah did not make these prophecies up, nor is he the only one to believe in them. Alator and Finna possessed knowledge of the same prophecies, and both believed in Emrys’ vision/mission.

Kilgharrah had great knowledge himself, and tried to share that with Merlin to pave the best path, but he was not all-knowing, and he tells Merlin as much himself. Kilgharrah is merely a messenger, believer, and interpreter. So, he still believes the prophecy has come to pass, even if Arthur did end up dying anyways. The five kingdoms could now be united and magic restored to the land once the war was ended upon Morgana’s death. The prophecy was fulfilled within Arthur’s lifetime, despite the success of Arthur’s Bane. It did not go as Merlin expected, nor how Kilgharrah expected, but it still… went. This is what he means when he says, “No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny.”

The idea that Kilgharrah simply played Merlin, when he was depending on Arthur as much as any creature of magic, and when he genuinely cared for Merlin as kin, is bad faith conjecture. How they got to the end point still mattered to him (i.e. Merlin must protect Arthur so that he has a chance to fulfill the prophecy), because that potential only existed through Arthur, and they all continued to suffer until that time came. Regardless of the age at which Arthur died, though, he was destined to fulfill these prophecies and return at Albion’s time of need. This, Kilgharrah knew. So is it any wonder that he maintained faith in it even after Arthur died? Especially after Arthur died, proving the prophecies true once again?

Kilgharrah: Merlin. There is nothing you can do.

Merlin: I've failed?

Kilgharrah: No, young warlock, for all that you have dreamt of building, has come to pass.

Merlin: I can't lose him! He's my friend!

Kilgharrah: Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold. Merlin... Arthur is not just a King— he is the Once and Future King. Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.

No, Kilgharrah did not predict the exact ending, but he did his best to help Merlin bring about the best possible outcome, and he said what he could to comfort Merlin when he was grieving Arthur. Kilgharrah was genuine, and his motives were in alignment with Merlin’s by the start of season 3.

[gordon-freeman-phd]

man, i wonder what the emergency handbook for the presumable school system that is in black mesa looks,

like there has to be some sort of school given how far black mesa must be from the nearest school and theres more solid evidence given that eli says he got alyx out of black mesa, And since its been about 20 years after the resonance cascade and alyx is 24, that means that she should wouldve been between 3-4 years old, meaning she wouldve been in preschool, so schools, bare minimum day care, must exist

so back on topic, the emergency situation set up, brcuz ignoring something as catatrophic a the rescas, there are many dangerous things inside black mesa that the school system would have to account for, such as poisonous gasses getting thru the air ducts (and past any of the other fail safes) explosions from whatever materials there are, radiation leakage, acidic liquids potentially reaching the school, air disasters given the actual airport black mesa has, tram system failures, aliens escaping and wrecking havoc, nuclear meltdowns, space rockets falling and hitting the school, the damn breaking and causing water issues or flooding issues, hell if the schools under ground they may even have issues with thr air cycling systems breaking, like so damn many emergency situations tjat i cant even begin to imagine given my lack of knowledge of science related disasters and the specifics of the facility,

so the hand book must be miles thick, and the amount of paperwork parents would have to sign and aknowledge beyond normal schooling stuff to even bring families on site rather than send them off somehwere else,

so in regard to the rescas, the scientists clearly knew of its existance and potential hazards (barring the alien invasion) so what would the teachers know of it, frankly how much can the company really prepare the teachets for since they lilely wouldnt have full clearance on everything in the facility, would they instead have training on how to react but only codes attached to each one rather than actual knowledge of the threat itself (this is likely imo) so in thr case of the rescas, something that seems somewhat less classified, i imagine a "simple" evacuation procedure would occur, get to an evac point, wait for air lifts or some kind of large transport vehicle to move the kids, how many faculty would be required to stay behind incase of a missing unaccounted for headcount to search? would security guards do that or just be support, would a fire fight team also be there since the rescas seems to involve a lot of fires and explosions? but looking at the rescas as we know it happens, would the teachers have last minute changes to their regular evac points given the fact that the hecu would be involved in this contingency and they need to kill everyone so having the kids and teachers all in oen place would be conveinant, or would the regular evac point be fine they just wouldnt send evac teams, how would they account for parents wanting to take thwir kids themselves incase of a facility wide evc order? do parents know where the evac point is?

and also on the topic of the wide variety of emergencies teachers would have to be prepped for, how do they drill for all of these? particularly the non evac ones since that wohld be able to cover many situations, i imagine not every situation can be covered by the same thing if its non evac, or would they just balnket evac for everything just to be safe but instead the evac points in practice would just change depending, (frankly why wasnt there a contingency plan in place for a rescas in the first llace if it was such a high list concern with the type of equipment secC is working with, seems like an issue, or is all their contingencies relying on communication so heavily that since it went down they couldnt follow procedure, this seems possible given elis line about the lack of comms)

many such questions

[elizamgarts]

Since I’m not sure if others have A03 imma post the first few chapters on here!

This is a Fic Named New beginning. It’s ongoing and it explores the clones after primes defeat and what happened to them.

I hope you enjoy 😁

Chapter 1

Before prime defeat

He didn't exactly remember much after he was released from his pod. All he did remember was that he had an undying loyalty to Horde Prime, he was their everything, their light, their source of life and they owe everything to their creator. A clone is what he is and he is one of prime creations, as such he allows Prime to do anything he sees fit. There should be no questioning of that.

So he did his duties which would be in-between cooking, on duty in battle or simply standing on posts. That was their job for the most part and occasionally if things were urgent or he did something wrong Prime would use his body as a temporary vestle for whatever needed to be done. He should never question the actions of his creator.

- - - - -

That was until a change occurred. Visitors arrived and their lost brother was returned tho very different, he had no idea a clone could look like that but then when he was informed the lost brother was a defect he guessed those changes was cause of the defect so he didn't question further, though he was curious even tho he knows he shouldn't question his creator he kept those curious thoughts to himself and made sure to only keep his mind on one thing, praising their Prime in undying loyalty as it should be. He didn't want to be exiled like the lost brother. Prime knew best after all, and none should think anything that wasn't serving their creator.

They learned to welcome in a new guest and take in their lost brother again as things went about as normal.

– — —

He did notice their defect brother trying desperately to fit back into things, he guessed things changed from when he last served prime, made sense. He was still shocked that a clone even thought of having a name? What a strange thing to do. It seems the defect regrets as well, Maybe he can help the defect brother get more acquainted that way it be easier, prime did spare him after all so he must still be useful,

Prime is always right.

During the time the guest stayed on the velvet glove a situation happened and now the new guest is welcomed in as their new little sister, they never had a new sister or at least one he remembered. Maybe the past generation Clone might have but never shared it. So he went on and continued his duties. Though

He still never understood how anyone didn't want to bask in the light of their creator. It was perfect. It was peaceful. Why fight it?

– — — —

Prime is angry, pissed even. Apparently their new sister was stolen by this magical being, he resisted the urge to jump when prime snapped at a few clones, he understands. Prime is upset that these aliens aren't understanding that what prime is doing is to make the universe better, they are a backwater planet after all. Makes sense, even the defect brother couldn't convince this planet to join in Primes light. If they didn't want to join willingly then Prime will have no choice but to destroy it. Some aliens are just too stubborn.

Why be stubborn? What's so hard to understand that prime wants to save everyone and help? He helped the little sister? He even spared a defect when he could easily destroy it? Strange? Very strange.

- - - - -

He couldn't believe what he saw! The defect brother shot their creator!! Why! No clone ever even thought anything negative of their god, let alone SHOOT their creator in the back and disobeyed a direct order!? What was this defect thinking? All his other brothers were too shocked to even stop the clone, but when they tried they were ordered to stand down by Prime himself? What's going on? Does he not need help? Of course not because he's their creator he can handle anything!

He apparently was gonna make the defect into an example and pay for his crimes for disobeying and attacking Prime. He didn't want to think about it but… he felt bad for the defect. He didn't understand but when he saw the defect look back at the alien he had a certain look. The same look or close to the look a clone has for prime. Admiration? Love? Clones love prime. Every clone does, so why would this clone look at this alien female the same way he would look at their creator, it was confusing this love seemed so much stronger then any love he's seen any clone give their creator, what was so special about this alien to get that much love? So much love that the defect betrayed their creator? Why? Would he get in trouble for thinking this? Apparently not because Prime took the alien by the hair using the defect vestle and left, down to the planet. All he and the brothers could do was watch their creator concour another planet.

But not this planet. This one appears to fight back? Why fight?

_ _ _ _ _ _

After primes defeat

What happened? He didn't understand, Prime was gonna destroy the planet but the magic lady stopped him.

He's gone.

Primes gone? NO! OUR CREATOR!!

the clone opened his eyes when they felt something massive disconnect from all of them. He felt like this heavy blanket was lifted, something he didn't even know was weighing him down vanish. And when he looked around he gasped at what he saw.

Other clones look different, each of them had different color eyes? Why. They are all supposed to be the same? Are they all defective now? He didn't feel defeative? No he does! He can't hear anyone's thoughts! He can't hear prime!! Oh right.

Primes gone… PRIMES GONE!!!

The clone jumped back and fell on his rear “No!” He didn't know he could sound so devastated. He wasn't supposed to show too much emotion yet he looked so panicked and scared. He didn't understand, nobody did. Others panicked with him.

“Brothers!! Prime is gone! It's okay!!” A voice came from the speakers

It was a clone voice but the clone didn't look familiar? It was a normal clones but their eyes was different and the hair unkept and messy.

“Everything will be fine! Prime was a bad ruler and his defeat should be celebrated, it's okay brothers. I know it's scary at first but it will be better” the brother reassured in a cheerful tone.

“Ya! Wrong Hordak is right it's gonna be okay everyone! We will help you guys get acquainted with Etheria soon! Look at Hordak! If he could do it alone then its gonna be very easy to help all of you!”

The same purple hair alien that the defect protected was seen on the screen prime used to watch over planets, he noticed the two clones with her. The very cheerful one he guessed was the ‘wrong Hordak’ and the defect who now has his red eyes returned from when they last saw him when he arrived, it appears he kept his name again. But names was bad?... Right?

Prime? Bad, but how he made them. He was their creator? How was he bad? But if he's gone, who is gonna rule them? What's his job? Do they follow the defect? He would suggest the cheerful ‘wrong Hordak' as a leader but he doesn't seem to qualify while the defect did technically kill prime? Do they follow him? He doesn't know, he doesn't understand if he's allowed to think these thoughts.

“I can't hear the hivemind!!” A clone cried out, their ears pinned back in fear as they cling to themselves

“This must be a trick!! Prime cannot be defeated! He's all seeing and powerful” another clone snarls, refusing to accept the truth

He had no idea what to think “why is prime bad?” He asks, his ears equally pinned down in confusion and sadness

“He destroyed innocent planets and killed millions, he didn't care about anything but power that's not a good ruler” wrong Hordak explained though it was very bad explanation

Hordak rolled his eyes and flicked his ears “Prime believed only he and he alone can bring peace to the universe, only he had the power to save everyone when in reality he wanted to control everyone and those he cannot control he destroys, he doesn't like when he can't control because it's deemed a threat. And those threats might rise against him, so he kills them before they can try”

That was, slightly better understanding tho still confusing. Was it really bad? He wanted peace. What's so bad about that? Wait? Control? That's bad.

“You're lying!!” One clone hissed, their eyes was still Acid Green “what prime was doing was helping those who cannot see his light”

“I told you some would not fully accept the truth, it's gonna take awhile for them to fully accept it” Hordak glanced down at Entrapta.

“It took Wrong Hordak a small crying session to accept it” Entrapta smiled

“It's true brother!” Wrong Hordak grinned

Hordak lets out a gravel sigh of irritation at the clone with a name similar to his own “yes well you and the Archer boy-”

“Bow”

“Yes, him. The both of you scrambled his mind so he's not exactly all there on some things” Hordak gestures to Wrong Hordak and lowered the tips of his ears.

“Didn't it took you years and the past few weeks to accept prime is evil” wrong Hordak smiled

Hordak pinned his ears and snarled at Wrong Hordak narrowing his eyes in warning

The clone was so confused with all of what's going on “I… don't understand…” he sat down, he did know their creator at times had a temper and did mistreat some clones by throwing or damaging but that was understandable? Wasn't it? He had no idea anymore. He felt liquid coming down his face, something that he never experienced before. He put a clawed hand to touch it and noticed the liquid was leaking out of his eyes, this can't be normal but it's the only thing his body was telling him was right, this… emotion needed to happen so he abide and curled up, letting the liquid run down his face as a shuttering sound came soon after.

“Aww some are crying! Maybe we should go up there and comfort them!” A new voice was heard but he couldn't look up to see who it belonged to.

“Ya doesn't mean all are trustful, some look ready to attack” another female voice warns.

“ I… agree with Catra” he sounded very upset at himself for even saying that at the moment

“we must proceed with caution if we go up to the velvet glove and collect some of the docile clones” Hordak crossed his arms.

“Why not all of them?” Adora asks as she looked at the many different ways the clones decided to grieve.

“Because one wrong move and these clones might uprise and attack out of fear”

“Ya and they aren't easy to fight off” Catra whipped her tail.

“I'm sure if we give them a good hug they will calm down!” Scorpia grinned.

“Not everything is solved with a hug force cap- I mean princess Scorpia but it can be a start but we shall take this slow”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

With the help of this magical being with what seems to be vines they put the clones who refuse to back down and believe prime needed to be avenged in the cells for now until they manage to rehabilitate them, the more docile clones they approached with caution but warmth as they just tried to be gentle and let the clones get comfortable first.

“So what is your name, blue eyes!” Perfuma smiled at one clone

“Clones have no names” Hordak reminded

“Uhh then how do we identify them if they don't have names?” Adora tilts her head a little “so we use numbers maybe?”

“That might work” Hordak nodded

“Ohhh that's interesting!!” Entrapta was circling a few clones “so your species each have unique eyes to differentiate! That's fascinating. I'm gonna add it to my notes on your species” Entrapta took out her voice recorder and started talking as she examined a few clones.

The clone with lavender eyes was just watching, confused and a little scared of what to do. Are these people gonna lock them up too if they admit that they didn't fully understand prime being “bad” if so what will they do if they were attacked? Fight back? Surrender? Conform to the alien race, they didn't know.

“Hi there!” Wrong Hordak grinned

The clone jumped and stretched their talons to protect themselves, ears pin back for a moment, they didn't like being snuck up on.

Wrong Hordak backed up, ears lowered in worry before perking up again “apologies, I just noticed you were in the corner. Would you like to meet my friends” he smiled warmly.

The clone was quiet for a moment, studying this ‘wrong Hordak' before shifting their eyes to the group he called his friends, he was hesitant before glancing back at the clone “is it safe? They won't throw me to the cells?”

“Well unless you attack then no” he tilted his head

“I will not” his ears and arms lowered but he rubbed his claws on his clothes, something he consciously did without knowing to relax himself.

“Well then let me introduce you!” wrong Hordak started to walk towards the group as the clone hesitantly followed along with him

“Brothers! I want to introduce you to one of my other brother, I found him in the corner nervous so I brought him over”

The clone pinned their ears down and glanced at their feet, uncertain why they was nervous but the sudden eyes on him caused that reaction.

“Hello!” Scorpia grinned, clicking her claws “oh! Pretty eyes!” She complimented

The clone ears flicked up a little at that, that was an odd praise. He never heard of a type of praise like that before, prime rarely praised a clone and he never praised any with physical features. Least from what he knew.

“Guess he doesn't know how to say thank you” Catra muttered to Adora

“Clones don't receive those compliments Catra, any compliment a clone gets is from getting a job done, nothing else” Hordak eyed his ex force captain.

“Well anyways” Adora stepped forward “ Everything is gonna be okay, I know right now it's scary. Losing someone you idolize and devoted your life to but over time you will understand that it's for the best” she reassured

“How so?” the clone speaks finally “I do not understand what was so wrong that Prime needed to be destroyed?”

“Gee maybe killing planets for one” Mermista deadpanned

“They don't know any better they were brainwashed, of course they are gonna think he's a… good guy?” Scorpia gently tried to reason.

“Are you the new leader then?” The clone turned to the two clones, he suspected one of them to maybe take leadership if big brother is absent now, he wasn't so sure of the wrong Hordak but maybe the red eyes defect but he wasn't sure”

Wrong Hordak looked confused and shrugged how Scorpia normally does “I'm no leader’

The clone turned to Hordak to see if he would be their leader then.

Hordak's expression was one of shock and slight worry before answering “no one will be taking prime place. Our main focus is to get all of you to coexist with this planet until you form your own identity and live your own life”

“Own life?” The clone pondered before looking up at Hordak “you mentioned you made your own life” he turned to the purple hair alien “and you mentioned you made that one your friend” his eyes flicked as he thought “do I need to make a ‘life’ and ‘friend’ too?” His lavender eyes quirk up a bit

“Well… it's a start” Hordak was hesitant to answer, in truth he wasn't exactly sure how to answer that. He himself still needed to figure things out.

“I made friends with brother bow and Entrapta! Friends are good to have” wrong Hordak grinned, calling his hands.

The clone nodded, he made a mental note. If he was to succeed in this mission to make friends, to ‘live’ a new life then he will complete his first task. He knelt down to the group and bowed his head “very well. I will make it my mission to make a friend” he was thinking before looking up at them “how does one make friends?”

“Uhhh…” Some of the group members was hesitant to answer that question.

“maybe I can be his first friend?” Bow suggested

“He seems to want to find one himself?” Glimmer shrugs

“It would be best to let him complete his mission, or else a clone will feel like a failure if their task is not complete, clones who fail their mission has to get reprogrammed in the cleansing pool” Hordak explained

“Isn't that the green pool thing that gives you the painful electrocution?” Catra lowered her ears and fluffed her tail a little at the memory of witnessing and experiencing herself.

Hordak nodded, remembering he was cleansed more than once yet he still somehow wasn't rid of his memories.

A few of the group members gasped in horror

“Why would anyone WILLINGLY DO THAT TO THEMSELVES!” Perfuma gasped

“Because prime brainwashed the fuck out of them” Catra narrowed her eyes.

Entrapta wrapped her hair around Hordak's hand as comfort, he gently rubbed her hair with his thumb before turning to the clone “remember the task of … making friends is not easy. The basis is to find someone who shares the same interest and idioiocal thinking as yourself, but. Since you don't exactly have your own identity your first mission is to find yourself before you can find a friend” he uses a tone similar to one commanding a soldier to make it familiar to the clone.

The clone felt at ease to have a job to do and perked his ears up and straightened himself, he then realized. How does one find their own identity? It made no sense. No data In his mind could come up with a similar word to help him understand.

“Think we need a small school or camp for these guys to find their identity first. Oh let's start with names!!” Scorpia grinned

“Shouldn't they name themselves? Hell wrong Hordak doesn't got a name” Catra rolled her eyes

“Oh right. I still need one” wrong Hordak giggled at that

“ So then that's what we do first, we find them names then we can start with activities and get them to come out their shells” Adora spoke up with a cheerful tone.

The clone felt a bit better. Though very confused they at least know they weren't gonna get destroyed or imprisoned, but how does one get a name?

[hongluboobs]

what's the debt of tears and what's this about cutting bao-yu open ?? also how does this relate to hong lu? i don't have the context to ask anything more specific but i need to know this.. . please

(ask in reference to this post )

Hi Anon! Apologies this took a bit, i got distracted with some projects and didn't have the energy to answer this right away, hopefully you're still here to see this :)

First off, Bao-yu is Hong Lu's book equivalent. I don't know if you already knew this, but I made the diagram with the assumption people knew this and it kind of blew up way bigger than intended on both here and twitter 😅

The debt of tears is a really big concept in Red Chamber surrounding the fates of Bao-yu and Dai-yu. Bao-yu was originally a piece of jade that the goddess was using to create the sky, but he ended up unused and cast onto the earth. From there, he ended up finding the Crimson Pearl Flower, which he watered every day. Eventually, the flower ended up transforming into a fairy (Dai-yu) due to the care with which he watered her. Dai-yu thinks on how she could repay him for this and settles on “The only way in which I could perhaps repay him would be with the tears shed during the whole of a mortal lifetime if he and I were ever to be reborn as humans in the world below.”

And wouldn't you believe it! They do end up reincarnated as humans in the world below. Bao-yu and Dai-yu are very close throughout their mortal lives, but the debt of tears comes back into the picture during Bao-yu's wedding. He believes he is getting married to Dai-yu as his family told him (because he wouldn't agree to marriage otherwise), but it isn't until the wedding starts he discovers this isn't the case and the family chose for him to marry someone else with a higher social standing. Dai-yu thinks Bao-yu was willingly deceiving her with this and is so distraught about it that she cries until she dies (she is very sickly pretty much constantly and this book is written like a soap opera) which fulfills the Debt of Tears.

As you can imagine, this really messes up Bao-yu. His mental state degrades throughout the book, but that's the nail in the coffin for it all. The debt of tears and the wedding is the emotional climax of the book, and I cannot imagine limbus's adaptation of the story not doing something with it.

The thing about cutting Bao-yu open happens in a dream, and is also related to the debt of tears/ Bao-yu and Dai-yu's relationship actually!

It happens in a dream Dai-yu has in chapter 82 where she's chosen as a second wife for a man and has to leave the Jias. She does Not Want this at all and is unable to do anything in order to stop it. Eventually, she finds Bao-yu and this scene plays out (this next section is words taken directly from the book. because im really normal about it. theres a tldr at the bottom if you aren't reading all that) :

Suddenly she thought: ‘Why haven’t I seen Bao-yu today? He might still know of a way out.’ And as the thought entered her mind, she looked up and sure enough, there, standing right in front of her, all laughter and smiles, was Bao-yu himself. ‘My warmest congratulations, coz!’ This was too much for Dai-yu. Her last vestige of maidenly reserve vanished. She clutched hold of him and cried out: ‘Now I know how heartless and cruel you really are, Bao-yu!’ ‘No, you are wrong,’ he replied. ‘But if you have a husband to go to, then we must go our separate ways.’ Dai-yu listened in despair as this, her very last hope, was taken from her. Clinging to him helplessly, she gave a feverish cry: ‘Oh Bao! I’ve no separate way to go! How could you say such a thing!’ ‘If you don’t want to go, then stay here,’ he replied calmly. ‘You were originally engaged to me. That’s why you came to live here. Has it never occurred to you how specially I’ve always treated you? Haven’t you noticed?’ Suddenly it all seemed clear. She really was engaged to Bao-yu after all. Of course she was! In an instant her despair changed to joy. ‘My mind is made up once and for ever! But you must give me the word. Am I to go? Or am I to stay?’ ‘I’ve told you, stay here with me. If you still don’t trust me, look at my heart.’ With these words he took out a small knife and brought it down across his chest. Blood came spurting out. Terrified out of her wits, Dai-yu tried to staunch the flow with her hand, crying out: ‘How could you? You should have killed me first!’ ‘Don’t worry,’ said Bao-yu. ‘I’m going to show you my heart.’ He fumbled about inside the gaping flesh, while Dai-yu, shaking convulsively, afraid someone might burst in on them at any moment, pressed him to her tightly and wept bitterly. ‘Oh no!’ said Bao-yu. ‘It’s not there any more! My time has come!’ His eyes flickered and he fell with a dull thud to the floor.

tl;dr Bao-yu reassures Dai-yu that there's a way out of her new engagement because she was originally brought to the jia house to be engaged to Bao-yu. Dai-yu is unsure of this and Bao-yu decides to show her his heart to convince her he's telling the truth. he does this by physically cutting his chest open to pull out his heart, but he lacks a heart within his chest to find.

Red Chamber isn't free of violence by any means, but this scene always fucking Got me. its so shocking out of nowhere and its such a potent image, i've drawn something akin to it before because it Got Me so much.

I brought it up in the diagram because his lack of heart reminded me of how the gloom peccatuli contain organs within them, but do not appear to be living organisms, or play part in biological activities. We know Hong Lu has his jade eye, which is probably either prosthetic or a Secret Third (non-normal human eye) Thing, so what's to say he doesn't have other inhuman oddities to him.

It also connects "truth" to physical exposure, in this case exposure not stopping at the skin and going deeper to the organ level. The intertwining of truth and fiction is a HUGE thing in red chamber and this would be really cool if the hypothetical Hong Lu distortion had elements from the gloom peccatulum for this as well (false organs exposed through transparent skin would be both true and false. Really cool)

There's also the concept of "seeing with the eyes" versus "seeing with the heart" which would go crazy when combining all of this. I don't think i can go into that there but tldr is this quote from the little prince

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

And with Hong Lu's eye connection... do you see what im putting down

[richincolor]

Title: His Mortal Demise Author: Vanessa Le Genres: Fantasy, Romance Pages: 391 Publisher: Roaring Brook Press Review Copy: Received eARC via NetGalley Availability: Available now

Summary: Kochin is a heartsooth -- a rare being with the ability to heal any wound. Any wound, that is, except death.

Intent on defying nature and bringing Nhika back to life, Kochin keeps her body in a life-preserving casket and waits for a miracle. Stricken with grief and descending into madness, Kochin realizes the answer to his desperate quest can only lie in one place: Yarong, the lush yet battle-ridden island the first heartsooths called home.

Months later, Nhika wakes in a familiar manor-house, with Kochin nowhere to be found. As she traces his footsteps across Theumas, she discovers the haunting path he walked to bring her back, and a world changed by war.

When Kochin discovers the true and grisly way to resurrect a person from the grave, he must decide exactly how much he is willing to sacrifice, in order to reunite with the woman he loves...

Review: [Note: His Mortal Demise includes a significant amount of body horror, including summaries of medical experimentation by a colonial power and detailed descriptions of injuries. In addition to this, one character enlists in a war, and there are serious injuries and death that occur in that portion of the book, including a sequence where a character is trapped in a partially collapsed building. There are also repeated, but short, incidents involving animal death.]

I absolutely loved The Last Bloodcarver, so I was very excited to get my hands on its sequel/conclusion, His Mortal Demise. On a structural level, author Vanessa Le’s decision to split the story into past (Kochin) and present (Nhika) made it possible to have two mysteries being investigated simultaneously: how to bring Nhika back to life and what happened to Kochin after he succeeded? Presenting the story strictly linearly would have undercut the first half of Nhika’s scenes as the reader would already know all the answers, but jumping back and forth between the two timelines was a great way to ramp up tension and inspire dread as Kochin’s point of view got nearer and nearer to the present.

I said in my review of The Last Bloodcarver that it took a while for me to warm up to Kochin, and I’m happy to report that I was immediately rooting for him (and his desperate desire to bring Nhika back to life) from the start in this book. It was fascinating to be in his point of view and get to understand his outlook on his life and his power. Following him into actual war as he tried to figure out exactly what he would or wouldn’t do in order to bring her back made for a compelling, if occasionally horrifying, journey. When Kochin found his moral/ethical line, it was a relief, even if it made things so much more difficult for him. In the last book, we spent a lot of time with Nhika making small connections with her family/heritage, and I appreciated that we got to explore Kochin’s relationship with heartsoothing and his family this time.

Nhika’s plotline of trying to figure out what had happened to Kochin and how the world had changed during her death was also a lot of fun. While the Congmi family took much more of a backseat in this book than the previous one, they were still a solid support for Nhika as she tried to track down what had happened to Kochin. I loved the slow reveals from her point of view, many of which provided ominous clues to what would be happening in Kochin’s story. And when Nhika and Kochin’s plots finally reconnected, it was immensely satisfying to see their devotion to each other rewarded.

Recommendation: If you enjoyed the first book in this duology, His Mortal Demise is a worthy sequel and conclusion. The dual narratives allow for two mysterious to be explored simultaneously and keep the suspense high until the plot lines finally converge. While the war isn’t wrapped up by the end of the book, the character arcs end in a satisfying place, and the genuinely hopeful ending leaves a reader believing that all will be well, eventually. The duology was a lot of fun, and I’m looking forward to what Vanessa Le writes next.

[tamjinchuriki]

11:52

On November 1st, 2024, a tragedy occurred in the city of Novi Sad that shook the whole of Serbia.

The collapse of a canopy at a railway station killed fourteen people on the spot, including three children, and fifteen victims were eventually confirmed after the death of a woman who was in serious condition for more than two weeks after the incident.

The railway station building in Novi Sad is the work of architect Imre Farkaš and his collaborators from the project studio "Arhitekt". It was built back in 1964 in eight months, while its reconstruction lasted three years.

The Minister of Construction, Transport and Infrastructure, Goran Vesić, pointed out that the Novi Sad railway station was reconstructed in two phases.

The reconstruction of the said station began in October 2021, so the station was officially opened for the first time in the midst of the election campaign in March 2022. Soon it was closed again due to works.

The reconstructed building of the railway station was officially opened on July 5th 2024 - for the second time.

A few days after the tragedy, Goran Vesić, resigned and said "that he does not accept the blame for the accident that happened". But who will if not those responsible?

The public is rightly demanding explanations.

This is what the students of today's Serbia are fighting for. For the past three months, students across the country are blocking the work of faculties and colleges. The wave of student protests is spreading widely across Serbia, demanding accountability, demanding change.

The students highlighted demands that they still do not give up.

1. Publication of complete documentation on the reconstruction of the Railway Station in Novi Sad, which is currently illegally hidden, bearing in mind that it is a reconstruction of a public facility and that these documents must be public.

An insight into the documentation would show which omissions were made during the design, execution and supervision of works, and which the current government is trying to hide. Three months have passed since the collapse of the canopy, and the public still does not know and has not been informed about the responsibility of specific people and institutions that were involved in the implementation of this project.

Hiding documentation raises suspicions of irregularities and corruption, thereby jeopardizing trust in public projects. Students demand the immediate publication of all contracts, documentation, reports on supervision and quality of works, in order to clearly establish responsibility and prevent the repetition of similar events. Transparency in such situations is necessary to ensure the safety of citizens.

2. Confirmation by competent authorities of the identity of all persons for whom there is a basic suspicion that they physically attacked students and professors, as well as the initiation of criminal proceedings against them. Also dismissal of the mentioned persons if they pretend to be public officials.

Recorded attacks on students and professors during protests require an adequate response from the competent authorities. Physical violence against participants in public gatherings seriously threatens the rights and freedoms of citizens.

Students request the Ministry of Internal Affairs to identify the perpetrators, file criminal charges and ensure the prosecution of those responsible. Timely action in this case is crucial for preserving the basic rights and safety of all participants in public activities.

3. Dismissal of criminal charges against arrested and detained students, as well as suspension of already initiated criminal proceedings.

During the protests, many students and citizens were detained or arrested, and some were charged without clear evidence. Some spent up to 23 days in detention, in inhumane conditions. Detention without a legal basis is a violation of the right to freedom of expression and assembly.

The students demand that all accusations that are not based on evidence be immediately dismissed, and those responsible for unjustified deprivation of liberty be held accountable. Such behavior sends a negative message and creates an atmosphere of fear, which is unacceptable in a democratic society.

4. Increase of the budget for higher education in the amount of 20%.

State faculties deserve better conditions. An increase in the budget is necessary to ensure higher quality education and dignified conditions for students and employees.

Blockades began at the Faculty of Dramatic Arts in Belgrade in the second half of November. Unlike earlier protests, the student revolt does not have a single organizer or 'face' of the protest, instead they decide everything by voting at the plenum, in a kind of direct democracy.

However, when they are on the streets, it seems that everyone knows their duty.

Although they do not have a center from which to coordinate blockades at individual faculties, the way they are organized is similar.

While students at the end of the 1990s, when a large protest was organized due to the theft of local elections during the regime of Slobodan Milošević, agreed live on the next steps, today's generations of students are technologically oriented.

On various applications and platforms of social networks, they share information about the schedule of events at the university and this is how they most often agree on shifts at blockades and other actions.

So far, there have been countless protests across the country without any violence. Students want to peacefully achieve their goal and the change they are striving for.

They want their country to be safe for everyone, to be able to rely on their government to do its job. They have opened many doors for older and newer generations to join in and fight for justice without fear.

Video by sviublokade.fdu

[mrbensonmum]

TV Show - Dr. House | House M.D. VII

Unstoppably we are approaching the end of the third season (currently at S3E20, House Training), and I'm wondering, as my memory refuses to reveal, what major event occurs that causes House to reform his team or leads to drastic changes. Yes, I admit, I'm really looking forward to seeing Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) and also Martha M. Masters (Amber Tamblyn), although I think Masters might take a little longer to appear.

It's quite exciting when you've seen everything already, can remember a lot, but a rewatch helps to put all the puzzle pieces back in the right order. Yes, one could think about it, but I enjoy the suspense.

One of the scenes that made me laugh a lot back then has already come up, namely when House compares a patient's body to the German railway system. Back then, the comparison might have been somewhat accurate, and yes, even in the original, he makes the same comparison with the same cities (Berlin & Düsseldorf), but unfortunately, the German trains, whether regional or long-distance, are nowhere near as good and punctual anymore. I've been wondering the whole time if it was like that back then, but no, today it's definitely worse. Just thinking about how many times I got stranded at a train station last year, BIG UFF!

Otherwise, after the Tritter thing, things are moving rather slowly, and I don't think that's a bad thing at all. The highlight, of course, is the romance between Chase and Cameron, although it's almost over by now. I vaguely remember a wedding in the future and maybe even a divorce? No, I'm sure about the wedding, but I don't think there was a divorce. Oh, I also remember the big bus accident involving Wilson's girlfriend. There's a lot more to come!

Speaking of which, I think the dynamic between Wilson and House has changed a lot since the incident with the prescription pad. At first, it seemed like everything was over and they had no future, but now the connection seems stronger than ever. We also saw that in the story with Cuddy, when they both tested each other to see how far they would go. And then just saying "Night House!" "Night Wilson!" to each other, that's a true bromance, ladies and gentlemen! (I know, I'm late to that party!)

But now there's a very heavy episode on, as once again, an important topic is being addressed, one that often unfortunately gets overlooked in every society, Alzheimer's & dementia. Foreman's mother suffers from Alzheimer's, and I know, it really affected me back then because my grandmother died of Alzheimer's, and my mother is showing the first signs of it now. This disease steals the mind first, then the body, and we should talk about it much more and do much more against it. I know what it's like to watch a person lose themselves in the darkness of this disease, and believe me, you wouldn't wish it on anyone. Once again, a topic highlighted by the series and one that should continue to be addressed. I'm currently wondering if House is airing anywhere on regular TV in Germany, but I don't think so at the moment. That should change because yes, it can be fun and enjoyable for about 45 minutes, but it's also a topic of conversation that might find resonance in the workplace or similar institutions, and suddenly a disease is lifted from its obscurity and brought into the real world. THAT'S IMPORTANT! However, there is another important aspect in this episode that must not be overlooked. Doctors make mistakes, and these mistakes can end up being deadly! Of course, nobody wants to talk about it in the real world, and doctors usually don't admit to such things. It's another issue that's hushed up, but the series brings it back to light, brilliantly! Also, the fact that House performs an autopsy afterward for research purposes may seem strange and odd at first, but it's also about finding out where things went wrong. Yes, it's also to stroke one's own ego, but it's also to prevent such things from happening again.

I won't manage to finish the end of the third season today, but there was another remarkable appearance. In the last episode (S3E19, Act your Age), part of the supporting cast of Bones made an appearance. We saw Joel David Moore and Carla Gallo. And in the episode before that (S3E18, Airborne), Pej Vahdat was one of the passengers or Foreman's substitute.

A little thank you to everyone who diligently reads and shares my Dr. House posts. I'm just doing this for fun, but it's cool that it's well-received and my little analyses are being shared. Thank you very much!

[seekers-who-are-lovers]

Dissecting the last few scenes bc it makes me emotional again.

Like the first scenes off the first episode the main characters, Yukiya and Wakamiya, who are now grown up, found themselves again at the boundaries of Yamauchi where Shiranui threatens to engulf the country. Naturally, when not patched the whole place tends to feel like one is in another dimension. Dizziness occurs. The sense of balance is disturbed and the reason for Wakamiya’s remark when he looks at Yukiya, who’s probably still sleepy. I mean, really? Who’d wake up their trusted person like that? Wakamiya of course. (In the book, before his impending departure from the Northern House’s mansion where he was treated, he went to Yukiya’s room and woke him up.) So the added dialogue as a continuation made sense at all.

And this additional dialogue too.

Methinks that little smile Wakamiya gave Yukiya after the latter responded, “You must be joking. What if something happened to you” makes him feel elated. Yukiya, after finding out the truth about Wakamiya from Hamayū, wouldn’t let the young master out of his sight. So it seems.

For the sake of clarity, Wakamiya didn’t reveal that he was the mysterious raven that saved Yukiya and his little brother Yukichi five years ago. Perhaps it’d become a key to future developments of the series and in order not to preempt Chisato Abe’s narrative this is not discussed at all, which is understandable.

All in all I truly appreciate the anime crew bc by adding some dialogues it has amplified Yukiya’s desire to become Wakamiya’s protector and to stay by his side changing the tone before and during the emotionally charged scenes of the allegiance/vow.

Yukiya: Guarding you means guarding all of Yamauchi, my home included. That means staying to support you is the best choice I can make.

Wakamiya: Yukiya.

Yukiya: Our true kin'u can do his duty, but he's got no clue how to take care of himself. I can't risk leaving him.

Wakamiya: (Huh? Dumbfounded. Surprised. Elated. Speechless. [ bc really what is that feeling?] )

Yukiya then kneels down, taking a vow. Wakamiya losing the grip on the lamp, eager to put his hand on top of Yukiya that turns into a wing. “True Kin’u” is playing in the background.

The rustle of a wing opening blessing his page, his servant, his will-be protector, his adviser, his future commander. He utters his proposal. Yukiya confirms his subservience. Wakamiya is silent, yet satisfied. But not happy.

Then there’s the cliff, the wisteria blooms and the promise made under the moonlight as their witness.

Yukiya says goodbye to his childhood endeavors. His life is going to revolve around serving the true Golden Raven from now on. And what a life it will be.