#chocolate ogre

[thenamessparkplug]

a couple of my own designs for everlost characters!!

uh very good series highly recommend giving it a read :3

[cupidddd-d]

heart eyes

aww, they're in love with you !

peter

"h-hey," peter's voice cracks as he tries to speak, clearing his throat as a blush creeps up his cheeks. "i-i mean, hey."

his hands fiddle with something underneath his robes, his freckles slowly disappearing as his flush grows darker.

"hi peter, what's up?" you offer him a polite smile as you try not to laugh at how adorable he is.

"s-so i noticed that um...y-you're really good at, um, ch-charms. c-could you maybe...tutor me? i-i mean, i-it's fine if y-you don't!" he stutters.

he clears his throat again as he stares down at the ground. preparing himself to be slapped. for what? he doesn't really know. maybe for even daring to talk to you, let alone asking you for anything. why would he deserve to hold even an ounce of your attention?

"sure, that's fine. i'm free anytime, so let me know when you want to meet in the library," you shrug simply, your eyes widening in shock as he shoves 3 boxes of chocolate frogs in your arms.

"okay, thanks, bye!" he rushes off before you can respond, practically running away from you.

"um...bye, i guess?"

james

"merlin-!" your neck almost collapses as james places his elbow on your skull, casually using you as an armrest and leaning his full weight on you.

"has anyone ever told you how short you are?" he ponders, letting out a quiet oomph when you shove him off.

"get off me, you...ogre!"

"sweetheart, i'm hurt. anyhow, have you heard of what happened to malfoy? i set his mattress on fire," he looks at you with a childlike grin, eager for your approval. "you said he was insulting you behind your back, didn't you?"

"oh, that's not...that's not really a prank. that's just, um...arson." you scratch the back of your neck awkwardly, your lips twisted into a weak grimace.

his smile dips slightly. "well, i didn't exactly consult the boys about it. was more of a personal project. for you. don't you like it?"

"um...it's the thought that counts, right?"

as dubious as your answer is, it causes james' spirits to lift once more, and he tackles you in a hug (which subsequently cuts off your air supply--who knew he'd have such a strong grip?).

"i knew you'd love it!"

sirius

"ahh, good evening, love. sitting at the fireplace all by your lonesome?" sirius says loudly as he plops down on the couch next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

"not anymore," you gingerly pick up his hand as if it's radioactive, tossing it aside and leaving it dangling behind the couch--but most importantly, away from you. "what are you doing, black?"

"you're so cold to me," he sighs, raking a hand through his hair. "you didn't notice anything new about me?"

you shake your head cluelessly.

"nothing? really, love? shoes? haircut? rings? clothes? you don't notice anything?"

you shake your head again.

"i'm heartbroken! devastated! anguished! inconsolable, even! i did all this to fit your tastes, you know!" he complains. "can't i have a little kiss to heal my shattered soul?"

he puckers his lips, leaning in with a hopeful expression.

"yeah, maybe in your dreams, black." you snort as you get up from the couch, moving as far away from him as possible.

he bites his lip as he watches you leave, idly rubbing his jaw.

"oh trust me, i'm dreaming...hell, i'll do a lot more than dreaming..."

remus

"i couldn't stay for break, so i wanted to give you an early yule present, if that's okay?" remus rummages around in his bag and hands you a strange rectangle.

upon closer inspection, it seems to be a (poorly) wrapped gift, but it's the thought behind it that warms your heart and causes an involuntary smile to spread across your face.

yes, too much wrapping paper was used, and there's tape in unnecessary places, but remus made a gift for you. who cares that it looked like it had been constructed by a blind toddler?

"thank you, remus," you say sweetly, your voice dripping into his ears like warm honey. "can i open it?"

"o-of course, and if you don't like it, i also have a sweater in my dorm for you. i um, remember how you'd always compliment my sweaters, so i thought i might get us a matching pair." he offers you a shy smile that makes your heart melt.

"you're so sweet, rem," you say softly. you delicately tear the wrapping paper, not wanting to ruin his hard work.

"it's my favorite book. i thought you might like it, and i annotated it. i highlighted the lines that made me think of you, and i also wrote little comments in the margins," he explains quietly, picking at his cuticles. "but now that i'm saying it out loud, it seems stupid..."

"it's not stupid, rem! i love it! it's really sweet and thoughtful! thank you," you say earnestly. "i'm really excited to read it over break. i mean it,"

"you're welcome, dove,"

[inoreuct]

alternate universe where zoro isn't a swordsman or an actor but in fact a secret third thing (A LULULEMON AMBASSADOR)

okay maybe not lululemon specifically but if it was it’d be hilarious. any athleisure brand, honestly; sanji’s there as a leggings model and there’s talk of a new sports bra model coming in for their next shoot and he’s like oh!! a lovely lady!! that’s wonderful!! and he makes his best chewy chocolate chip cookies (with 60% cacao because he’s cultured) and brings them to the studio— but the new model happens to be late, so sanji’s wandering around on break with his cookies and hoping to be the first one to welcome them before he turns a corner and someone SLAMS into him.

he’s nearly knocked off his feet and he barely manages to keep the container of cookies from going flying because it feels like he just collided with a brick wall. the person grabs his waist to steady him, one hand on his hip and the other around his back, and he feels his tupperware bump against their jaw as his hands scrabble to find purchase on their shoulders.

once his brain's realised that he, in fact, isn't falling and eating shit, sanji looks up and freezes.

grey eyes and green hair and tan skin, long, long lashes, a strong nose and low-set brows and oh, he's so close. sanji's breath catches as fingertips press gently into the side of his ribcage—

and he squawks as he's dropped unceremoniously to the floor, whipping his head around so furiously his neck cracks as the guy just steps over his legs and keeps on walking.

"hey!" sanji shouts, climbing to his feet as he tries to ignore the way he's flushing with anger and something-else-he-will-not-name-please-fuck-off. "who the hell do you think you are?!"

the guy turns back, looking almost bored as he drones, "an employee."

"what, they hired you to haul equipment?" sanji scoffs, and his stomach sinks when the guy flashes him a grin that's sharp enough around the edges to look dangerous.

"no. i'm modelling the new sports bra collection."

and oh. sanji has to put a hand on the wall so he doesn't sit right back down as the guy walks out of view. this can't be happening. he's gonna jump right off the fucking roof.

he stress-eats all his cookies, fuming mad and pacing a groove into the floor, and he’s still licking crumbs off the corners of his mouth as he storms back onto the set. zoro’s already standing there, sports bra on and arms up as the staff fuss around him, making adjustments and asking him about the fit, and sanji’s eye is twitching. that is not a lovely lady. that is an OGRE.

(who just so happens to have muscles for days and the nicest chest sanji’s ever seen in his life BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT.)

and of course they start bickering almost immediately.

this guy’s an athlete, not a model. he’s stiff and stubborn and coarse and sanji learns his name is roronoa zoro, some hotshot kendo champion who’s only here because my sister signed me up, so you can blame her for ruining your day, your majesty, and ooooooh. sanji wants to kick him. sanji wants to kick him so bad.

zoro thinks sanji’s some sort of spoiled pompous brat (honestly at the moment he’s acting like one, he is self-aware, but it’s his defense mechanism okay??) and sanji can’t stand all the snide under-breath snark that zoro’s slipping him after every sentence. they have to film zoro running to prove that the sports bra actually works and sanji pretends to trip and faceplant so he has an excuse for his nosebleed.

they pause the shoot for the day after that; sanji’s off like a rocket and clearly avoiding people so why is the mosshead following him. he speedwalks to the carpark with zoro stuck right to his side and gets progressively faster until he can hop on his bike and pedal away and then zoro starts RUNNING next to him?? and sanji’s like HOW ARE YOU KEEPING UP. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU and he’s pedalling as fast as he can and at this point even zoro’s a little out of breath and he gasps “GO OUT WITH ME” and sanji jams on the breaks so hard he nearly flies off his damn bicycle.

“what.” it’s the first thing that’s out of his mouth. they’ve skidded to a stop in the middle of some small side street; zoro’s earrings are chiming against each other, and the thought that they sound surprisingly sweet crosses sanji’s mind. “what.”

“go out with me,” zoro repeats, hands on his hips as his chest heaves.

sanji blinks. “why?” they’ve been nothing but animous towards each other thus far, and he likes to think that most of his dates actually like him.

the green-haired man shrugs a shoulder. “dunno. i’ve got a good feeling.”

“a good feeling,” sanji echoes, caught between disbelief and some sort of alarmingly fond disdain. “guess everybody’s gotta depend on something, huh, algae-brain?”

zoro just stares at him and says nothing.

“…oh, alright, fine!” sanji yells, throwing his hands into the air. “unbelievable. i can’t believe i’m doing this. seven o’clock, makino’s pizza, and do not,” he hisses, leaning in as he jabs a finger into zoro’s sternum, “be late.”

(zoro is late. sanji refuses to admit he’s disappointed for the entire thirty-seven (not that he'd been counting) minutes he waits, poking unenthusiastically at his milkshake and cursing this stupid guy for playing what was probably a stupid mean joke on him and cursing himself for falling for it.)

(at minute thirty-eight, zoro bursts through the door red-faced, rain-soaked, gripping a bottle of wine by the neck and raking his sodden hair off his forehead. the bell's not even done ringing before he's found sanji and is sliding into the opposite side of the booth seat.)

"sorry," he breathes, leaning against the backrest as he catches his breath. “i got lost.”

sanji’s too warm with the relief rushing through him to ream him out. “is that wine?”

“uh, yeah.” zoro sets the bottle on the table and turns it so the label faces away. “my dad owns a vineyard.”

sanji reads the thin cursive font, looks up at zoro as his eyes go wide, and reads it again. “your dad’s dracule mihawk? he’s one of zeff’s oldest suppliers, how did i never…”

the other man huffs a laugh. “adoptive, which explains the the lack of family resemblance. both me and my sister perona.”

“oh my god. the famous paranormal blogger perona.”

“mhm.”

sanji blinks twice before shaking himself out of it, taking a big gulp of his milkshake. “your family’s wild.”

“tell me about it,” zoro chuckles, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. the hems of his pant legs are dripping onto the floor. “how ‘bout you? anybody i’d know in your family tree?”

“well,” sanji begins, thinking. “my dad’s red leg zeff. runs the Baratie?”

“the seafood place? my best friend’s there every week!”

“no.” sanji’s starting to grin as he sits forward. “blinding smile, bottomless stomach, scar on his left cheek—”

“yeah!” zoro exclaims, and it suddenly hits sanji that this guy really does have a dangerous smile because if he keeps laughing like that, well. he doesn’t want to let himself hope quite yet. “damn. how come we’ve never met sooner?”

sanji shrugs eloquently. “wrong timing, maybe.”

it’s quiet for a while after that. they order a pizza to share and a side of cheese fries, and sanji is equal parts impressed and disgusted when zoro manages to shove an entire slice in his mouth at one go by rolling it up. they talk and bicker and joke and sanji ends up laughing so hard he’s rendered mute and slipping off the bench.

when the hiccups die down, he pushes himself up with one hand and sighs. “seriously, though. why?” why are we here? why’d you want to do this?

he doesn’t need to elaborate, though. zoro shifts back against the cracked cushions and tilts his head. “has any ever been able to keep up with you?”

"...no," sanji says quietly, and he can't help the hurt that stings hot and aching in his stomach. the shame that one word carries makes his face warm because he knows, he knows he's a lot sometimes— he’s been told as much by so many exes that he can’t even count them.

he knows zoro clocks the mood shift by the way the other man suddenly looks like he’s floundering a little, mouth opening and closing like a fish. “didn’t mean that in a bad way,” he finally says, the words soft and a little rushed, and he doubles down when sanji flashes him a smile that’s more empty than anything else. “not at all. you’re the only one who’s ever been able to keep up with me.”

and sanji… doesn’t know what to make of that.

he drains the rest of his milkshake and slides out of his seat. “let’s get out of here.”

the park is mostly empty this late, and sanji snags the bottle out of zoro’s hands. cuts the foil with his house keys and works the cork out, moving to stuff it into his coat pocket before zoro gently takes it from him. it’s a red wine, rich and smooth, and it goes down easy; almost too easy. sanji’s home is a walk away and he can drink as much as he damn well wants.

it’s not logical, how he’s feeling right now. zoro had already clarified what he’d meant. and still it simmers in his gut, sour and cold, a feeling that makes him lift the bottle to his lips again. too much. always too much. too much love, too overbearing, how do you expect anybody to keep up, sanji? you’re too much. he goes in for another swig.

zoro’s hand wraps over his. “hey.”

irritation flares behind sanji’s teeth before guilt snuffs it out. the other man’s gnawing at his lip, slowly shifting the bottle down as they stop walking. “i’m sorry. i really didn’t mean to upset you,” zoro mutters, looking genuinely worried, and sanji’s next breath in aches.

“no, it’s— i’m sorry. i’m sorry. this is supposed to be a date,” he laughs weakly, digging his fingers into glass to try and ground himself. “and i’m drinking up all the wine.”

“it’s for you,” zoro rebuts, nudging him with a shoulder. “you’re supposed to be drinking it.”

he doesn’t. they start walking again, the wet cobbled path dappled by light shining through the trees, and sanji tucks the bottle against his front as he loops his arm through zoro’s. “this is a first for me, y’know,” he says, squeezing zoro’s bicep. “i promise i’m not usually this rude.”

“says the man who called me a badly-planted cabbage patch this afternoon,” zoro snorts, and sanji can’t help but laugh. “seriously, though, s’alright. i get it. we all have our sore spots; i just hadn’t gotten the chance to learn about yours.”

sanji pinches his lips together. that, right there— zoro is rough around the edges but he is kind. he stops where it counts. sanji had shown the slightest sign of discomfort and he’d stopped pushing. it’s bold, and crazy, and completely out of line in his own personal rulebook— but zoro doesn’t move away when sanji tips his head onto his shoulder, so sanji swallows to clear his throat.

“do you want it?”

zoro’s lashes cast long shadows on his cheeks as they flutter, and he looks down. “hm?”

“the chance.” it’s a little chilly out; sanji’s coat is enough, but he lets himself curl closer to the warmth radiating through zoro’s padded jacket. it cuts through the dampness that’s still not quite gone. “do you want it?”

zoro’s eyes flick over his face, widening imperceptibly when he realises that sanji’s serious, and the smile that pulls at his mouth is a slow, beautiful thing.

he presses his cheek to sanji’s hair. they’re both smiling when he takes the wine bottle and drinks.

(sanji makes more cookies when they have their next shoot. 70% cacao this time after he learns that zoro can’t stand sweet things, and he teases the shit out of the man about it being relative to both his taste in food and his taste in people.)

(zoro finishes the last crumb, very firmly tells sanji that he is wrong, and kisses him so thoroughly he goes light-headed.)

(and if some of the staff see them canoodling behind the water cooler, well. the chocolate sanji wipes off his mouth is the only evidence.)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

May I request Kieran with an older cousin Reader who also goes to blueberry? Like post TealMask and pre Indigo disk reader is just like “Alright buddy, why don’t you just take a breath and calm down, I’ve poured some chocolate milk, tell me what’s wrong.”

Yesss bc TealMask Kieran definitely needed somebody to talk to after all that shit went down-

And choccy milk, of course

.........

"I hate you...you should've chosen ME. Was I not good enough? If I'm that weak, then I'll just get stronger. And I'll get even stronger until you wish I was your trainer-"

The knock on the door snapped Kieran out of his tirade for a moment. But he refused to move from his bed, glaring back down at the Ogre mask in his hands as the knocking persisted.

He wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now.

"Go away, sis." He snarled. "I'm busy-"

"Too busy to see your cousin, Kiki?"

Oh.

Although he was still brooding, he couldn't ignore the fact that his favorite cousin was here, wanting to see him after he's been away from the academy for a while. So he forced himself to get up and leave the mask on his desk.

He opened the door to see you and your Shiny Furret at your side, smiling at him in greeting. Attached to her collar was a shimmering normal gem; he recalled you explaining how it powered-up one of her normal type attacks in battle, albeit only once.

Yet seeing her reminded him of his own Furret and the losses they both suffered....and he couldn't help but look away, unable to meet her gaze. "Hi, [y/n]..it's been a while.."

"I know, right?" You chuckled. "How was your trip? Carmine told me you guys had to come back a little early-"

"It was awful."

"...awful?" In that moment, you could feel your stomach sink, and hearing your Furret's concerned trill made you realize something was very, very wrong.

Kieran looked as though he hated the world, anger clouding his eyes.

"Yeah.." Clenching his fists, he could feel his jaw tightening up. Tears were already blurring his vision as he wondered why everything had to turn out the way it did...

He thought he made an actual friend who was a strong trainer....only for them to befriend his sister, meet Ogerpon, lie to him on multiple occasions, and steal the Pokémon he idolized--all while kicking him and his team into the dirt like they were nothing.

Like he was nothing.

He felt cheated, wronged, humiliated-

"Hey, it's alright..take a few deep breaths." You gently patted him on the shoulder, noticing how he was seething in anger over something you didn't quite understand yet. But you hoped to get to the bottom of it soon enough. "We can talk about it over some drinks."

He took a few breaths, his body now slightly less tense than before as he tried to remain calm. "You got me something?"

"Of course." Nodding, you took some glass bottles out of your satchel--moomoo milk to be exact. "They finally restocked your favorite. Chocolate." You handed one to him, confused when he just stared at it, not taking it right away.

Normally, he'd be unable to resist something sweet, especially chocolate (it runs in the family, anyways), but now he looked almost offended that you dared to buy him something he liked.

"I'm not a little kid anymore, y'know."

"Kiki, I'm almost 20 and I still drink this stuff. You're never too old to enjoy it."

".....fine, thanks." He grumbled, finally accepting the bottle before returning to his bed, taking a few sips.

Although he felt a little better knowing you still thought about him, he kept stewing over the other people who didn't care about him anymore.

Or at least in his eyes...they didn't care.

You sat beside him, with your Furret climbing on the bed and curling around him. He sighed and rested a gloved hand on her tail, fingers stroking the fur.

"Now..what happened?"

".....where do I even start?"

Yikes. He wasn't cracking right away and instead was being extremely vague, so you knew something was seriously wrong.

Growing up, he used to always run to you to hide from his sister or bullies, never keeping secrets. You were the only cousin (or family member for that matter) who didn't judge him for liking Ogerpon or being reluctant to do Pokémon battles.

Now he was acting more withdrawn than ever, even with you here.

"Maybe from the beginning..when you first got to Kitakami." You suggested, yet he still seemed hesitant.

"Do you have time? You don't have better things to do?" He muttered.

"My class in the canyon biome got out early, so I have all the time in the world."

Although it took some more convincing, Kieran ended up going into detail about everything that happened on his trip: Florian/Juliana, Carmine, his grandparents, the festival, Ogerpon, the Loyal Three...nothing was left unsaid.

He rambled for a long time, having finished his drink long ago while you were still savoring yours. But you just calmly listened, feeling absolutely awful for him as he talked about all the times his team got beaten down by this exchange student.

Not only that..but they apparently lied to him as well about meeting the Pokémon he admired. He kept wishing he was good enough to be its trainer--yet he kept failing at every chance to prove himself worthy.

Least to say, this kid sounded like a real jerk.

"...and now all I wanna do is be stronger than them. They got everything I've ever wanted, [y/n]: friends, strong pokemon, Ogerpon's love...the whole village was amazed by what they did, but what about what I did?!" He gripped the glass bottle tightly. "I told them all the Ogre's story was false! But it's like..nothing even changed!"

"You had to leave early, though.." You pointed out. "Things might've changed. They could've left the Three's monument in ruins-"

"They won't. They'll find a way to restore it. All they want is money...and any tourist gullible enough to visit without caring about the truth."

"..jeez, now you're sounding more like Carmine-"

You only meant that as a light joke, yet it only plunged the atmosphere into even deeper tension as your cousin gave you such a cold stare--like he was using Mean Look.

It honestly startled you a bit.

"I-I'm sorry, Kieran.." You apologized quickly. "You're right. Kitakami's banked their entire economy on tourism for generations. They're not gonna let go of that story easily, even if it's all fabricated."

His gaze softened, although now he was looking down at the floor, now absentmindedly petting your shiny Pokémon's fur. "[Y/n]...could I ask you something?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Would you be able to look after my old team?"

In an instant, your heart sank. "What..?"

"Yanmega, Furret, Poliwrath..and all the others..I wanna transfer them into your care permanently. But I'm keeping Dipplin."

"You..wanna surrender your entire team?" Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "That's....look, there's ways you can improve upon it. Maybe they just need-"

"NO! You're not listening!" Kieran snapped angrily, clinking the glass harshly onto his desk. "I couldn't win at least ONE battle!! I did everything right! I formed bonds with them, taught them the best moves possible...and for what?! Just so they could hold me back?! Just so I could keep failing?!! I need to change my team, so I don't want any of them anymore."

"Not even Furret?"

"Not even Furret." He repeated with a scowl, gritting his teeth. "It's no good to me if it keeps going down in one hit..."

"Ret!"

Blinking, he looked down at your own Furret, almost forgetting that she was still curled around him. She seemed rather upset, ears folded flat against her head...and he made the mistake of staring at her beady-black eyes for too long, as guilt quickly settled in.

What was he doing?

''m sorry, I didn't mean any offense. I've seen you fight...and you're so much stronger. [Y/n]'s lucky to have you...o-of course, you're a shiny after all...h-haha..." He began to sniffle, his hands trembling as he pet her fur; unlike before, it was failing to calm him down. "It's okay. Y-You'll get to hang out with my Furret from now on...just like the old times. Wouldn't that be fun? You and him..d-don't have to worry about me anymore.."

"Ret-ret?" She felt a drop of water splatter onto her ear, which she flicked off, now looking worried.

You frowned slightly, finally understanding how much your little cousin was in pain...and to learn all of this happened within such a short timespan.

It made you wonder if you could've somehow prevented this.

"Kieran.."

"I-I don't wanna surrender anyone, I don't wanna feel like this. But..what else can I do?" His voice cracked, bowing his head. "I just..w-wanna be like Florian/Juliana..but nobody takes me seriously. They all think I'm going through some "phase". They all treated me like the Ogre..laughing behind my back, calling me weak...getting mad when I try to fight back...and I hate it, [y/n]!! They hurt me and NOBODY CARES!! Not even my own family!!"

"That's not true at all. I care, Kiki..I care so much about you. That hasn't changed." You wrapped your arms around him, letting him clutch your uniform jacket as he hiccupped, burying his face into the fabric. The poor kid was shaking, and you weren't sure if it was in anger or sorrow, or perhaps both.

When you were his age, you remembered dealing with all sorts of difficult feelings, too, and just like him..nobody else seemed to get you. You were mostly alone in coping, yet you had incredible Pokémon who helped you realize there's more to life than battling and winning.

Hopefully, you could help him realize this, too.

"..wh-why couldn't my own sister be this nice to me..?"

"I don't know. You want me to beat her up?"

He was quick to shake his head.

"Okay, okay.." You sighed softly, patting his hair in comfort. "Then...if you wanna become a stronger trainer, I'll do my best to help. I'll take care of your old team, lend you some research articles...whatever you need, just say the word."

"...I-I wanna take on the Elite Four and become champion.." He mumbled. "Maybe then..no one will mock me. Will you still support me then?"

That caught you by surprise, considering it was such an unrealistic goal for him right now. He barely has any double battle experience, yet he was willing to learn it if it meant becoming the best trainer in this academy.

Who were you to say no to him when the rest of the family seemed to turn his back on him? You didn't want him to shut you out, too, so you finally relented after giving it some thought.

"Of course."

"You're not lying, are you?"

"No, I promise."

Those words seemed to get Kieran to settle down, as he pulled out of the hug. His cheeks were a scarlet hue, stained with tears that he hastily wiped away before you could fully see them.

And he immediately insisted on going to the library to begin his research, and you both simply packed up your things and headed out, sending your Furret back into her pokeball.

You hope you made the right choice.

[lesbianbootheng]

quotes that remind me of dungeon meshi characters (a thread—or tumblr equivalent)

senshi

“for every life i can’t save during my shift, one more drop of blood becomes a part of me.”

if you saw the episode regarding senshi’s backstory… you’ll understand why this quote fits. at a young age, he watched his entire party die from starvation. consequently, he studies cooking (with monsters) with a crazy intensity to starve off hunger. to never have more drops of blood join him again—especially with his suspicion that he ate his own party members. so in the case of senshi, others blood is genuinely (or believed to be) Apart Of Him

(tldr senshi’s survivors guilt goes CRAZY)

chilchuck

“his mouth may be full of acid, but gentleness oozes from his actions like chocolate syrup dripping down whipped cream.”

we all know that despite chilchuck’s professionalism (emotional distance) he isn’t as hardened off as he wants us to believe but i feel the episode that encapsulates that is when that one ogre confronts him like. “you’re worried your friends will die aren’t you” while he’s sobbing his eyes out. THAT sticks out to me.

if you ignore that episode, there’s still tons of moments from the season alone that showcases how much he cares. chilchuck trying to wake up marcille from her nightmares. deciding between following senshi or laois to protect them from other people’s wraths. facing the red dragon HEAD ON despite him Not Being A Fighter. he cares about people DAMMIT but he’s the last person to let others know, covering any harsh actions with his words—be it teasing marcille, snarking at laois, or more. yet his actions say more than what he could & that is enough

itzusumi

maybe this is what being a mortal is about. kindnesses that aren’t deserved

this resonates as itzusumi because of her inherent selfishness. even though she’s only appeared at the latter half, throughout the series, she’s been shown to prioritize herself above all. and that isn’t to say she isn’t deserving of kindness as one of her rights as a Basic Human Being but. people tend to follow the golden rule from my experience—ESPECIALLY when the other party has been rude (which itzusumi has been)

so to have laois’ party treat her with kindness (with chilchuck literally APOLOGIZING for his comments) is really heartwarming. most people would have given up or left her by now. yet his crew treats her with kindness even if she hasn’t been the best. that’s why i feel the kindness is undeserved

as for what a mortal is… that’s a question all the characters are finding out, but itzusumi (& falin) are finding out above all. as beastmen, they aren’t seen (or even seen THEMSELVES) as human. yet they are both being treated with kindness despite their actions. and i think that sticks out to me above all

marcille

“If it’s heaven’s will for us to part, I will rip heaven into pieces with my own two hands to be with you.”

falin’s transformation to a literal chimera is kickstarted all because marcille refused to let the dead rest. although the dungeon can easily allow for the revival of humans… bringing back people when they’re too far gone, when they’re already devoured.. it crosses the life between life and death, the natural order of existence. yet marcille crosses that line, of what’s considered natural or “fate” (aka what is determined by the higher order—heaven) of them parting and ripped it apart

she brought her best friend back to life.

because much like senshi, marcille is someone characterized by her losses & what she will continue to lose due to her being a long-lived species. she knows this and has been continued haunted by her past losses: her bird, her father, and i have no doubt there’s more. it’s why she studied forbidden magic: to no longer lose the people she loves. and she doesn’t care what boundaries or rules she breaks because she loves them That Much (sounds like another magic aligned user eh?)

falin

how do you separate a tiger’s beauty from its ferocity? or a cheetah’s elegance from the speed of its attack? achilles was like that—the beauty and the terror were two sides of a single coin

we all know this is referring to falin in her chimera form because while i do love her prechimera the series mainly focuses on her in that form than without. although she is dangerous, she is powerful. and in the same way, so much as she’s powerful, she’s dangerous. her existence is beautiful but it’s an example of hostility. of the potential of forbidden magic as well as the drawbacks. she’s truly two sides of the same coins

laois

“i think we sometimes make the mistake of thinking monsters are abhorrent aberrations, lurking in the darkest recesses, when the truth is far more distributing. the most monstrous of men are those who sit in plain sight, daring you to challenge them.”

this goes into manga spoilers so. if you’re not okay with that… skip this section

i wholeheartedly believe this quote fits laois due to his own negative experiences with humans. for YEARS the villagers of his home casted out falin (and him, to some degree? could be wrong) treating her poorly for who her ghost abilities. similarly, his parents struggled to stand up for them, leading lapis to have a strained relationship current day. and when he left to join the army, he struggled to fit in.

as a result, laois would dream of being a monster (and also developing a monster interest in general) for their power—especially when they could crush all the people that bullied them. his love for monsters represent laois disconnect to humans—especially with the way they treated the ones he loves. because despite the monsters being seen as the scary ones, he experiences more anxiety around humans than he ever does with beasts.

[littlebabyyd0ll]

i cannot get this man out of my head i’m literally going feral

thinking about sitting down in front of one of the age-old couches in saltburn, chin settled sweetly upon your knee, bright eyes trained upon the illuminated tv screen. your lips twitch upwards at the green, groaning ogre complaining to a talking donkey. frilly sock clad toes dig in to the carpet, fidgeting with every minute movement of the boy above you.

you can feel him everywhere, his fingers, the warmth of his shins against your arms, his gorgeous mixture of cigarettes and aftershave. he’d abandoned a ciggy in favour of reaching out for your strands of hair in front of him, collecting them and twisting them idly. his movements are slow as to not catch the attention of any of his family, and he’s so gentle, domestic even. you welcome the light chill that the silver of his signet ring brings to the nape of your neck, bask in the way that he leans forwards in his seat behind you, loses himself in favour of your locks and ignores the family movie, despite it being the one that he picked out himself.

his movements begin to feel tighter, tickle your scalp in a way that only he makes you feel. lightheaded. small. sickly sweet. felix lets put a huff of breath, one that has your baby hairs dancing under his command, and his warm hand is suddenly on your shoulder. skin smooth, nails trimmed, he glides his way down your arm, all the way to your wrist. his large hand dwarfs the bone, elegant movements have his fingers slipping into the hair bobble that resides there and stealing it from you, but so softly you don’t even notice it happening. it’s the same way that he stole your heart, slowly, tenderly, summer over summer, christmas break over christmas break when you came to stay.

“oh, how darling!” his mother gushes as she notices the movements, watches with her ever observing eyes as felix ties off the end of the braid. “just look, pamela, look what he’s done. you look stunning, darling.” she smiles at you, a mother just as smitten with her son’s choice in love affairs as he is.

you turn your head, finally gazing up at him as his hold falls to nothingness. your eyes sparkle in the dim light of one of their many sitting rooms, and he admires the softness of you, just as he does every day. his chocolate eyes trace the softness of your cheeks, the chain of the necklace he gifted you upon your collarbones, the shape of your brow, the gloss upon your grinning lips.

“perfect.” he mutters, and he knows, as surely as he knows that he will die, that he loves you more than anything he has ever seen or imagined on earth.

[cevansbrat0007]

I’ve been wondering this for awhile but I wasn’t sure how to sensitively ask: how did baby girl and Andy discuss disciplining their kids? Obviously they love spanking as an adult, consensual activity and part of their dynamic, but there’s so many different opinions now on whether spanking children is appropriate. How did they end up approaching it?

Spanking & Discipline in the Barber Household

Oddly enough, they hadn't really talked much about it until they witnessed a parent reach the end of their rope during a trip to a local park. Baby Girl was right around seven months pregnant with BiBi at the time.

She had insisted on getting out for some fresh air that day, claiming that she wanted to take advantage of the lovely spring weather they'd been having lately. And Andy, ever the doting husband, insisted on tagging along - as if she could ever leave that man behind.

So off they went. They walked the trails, took in the blooming flowers, and eventually, the conversation shifted to their hopes and dreams for the future. Not for themselves, but for their daughter.

They purchased a couple of hot chocolates and took a seat on a nearby park bench as they talked. That's when they noticed what they could only assume to be an overtired, overworked parent who was clearly out of patience with their children. But there happened to be one kid in particular who had earned their wrath.

And that little boy earned himself what seemed like a swift and powerful litany of swats for as long as it took that little family to make their way out of the park. It was loud. It was jarring. And it appeared to be an uncomfortable experience for nearly bystander who witnessed it.

For a moment, Andy and Baby Girl sat there in silence quietly sipping their cocoa. And then she leaned her head on his shoulder and softly whispered "I don't want to be that kind of Mom. I don't want either of us to be like that.". To be truthful, she wasn't so much judging as she was reflecting.

She knew that there would inevitably come a time where she might find herself at her wit's end with her own child. But she also felt that there were many other, better ways to enforce discipline without resorting to corporal punishment.

Because while a warning swat to the butt was one thing, actively and repeatedly spanking your child until they cried out in pain was something completely different. Especially when done in the heat of anger.

Andy felt inclined to agree. And so from that point on, they came to an understanding that the only spankings that would take place in the Barber household would be those dispensed as part of the special D/s dynamic found between a loving ogre and his brat!wife.

Hope that answers your question. And for the record, you asked it beautifully. Thanks!

[the-likeable-wizard-mack]

What do various urban fantasy races do for vacation (destinations, activities, etc)?

MODERN FANTASY MONSTERS: SUMMER VACTION 2O24

Let's get one thing straight. This ^^ is the wizard fit for the summer. Get your sandals and Bermuda shorts!

☀️The Return of Orc BBQ’s. YES. Summer is the time to break out the grill and meats of all kinds because it’s a bbq of legendary proportions. Imagine a whole outdoor block party and two Orcs are competing not in hand and hand combat but, for who has the best dry rub or best sauce recipe. 

☀️I already talked about this in my other blog @the-wizard-writes but, for an interesting vacation spot, imagine touring magical places like a regular tourist. Wanna travel to the fae wilds safely? Take a guide that will show the strange and wonderful creatures that inhabit the environment! But, also be mindful of the fae rules unless you want to be trapped in the fae realm forever. But, in a post that I made a while back I sort of pondered on the concept of touring the nine circles of Hell, each realm having their own climate and environment such as the Gluttony circle being traditionally known as having rain and ice….Who’s to say that some very over enthusiastic (and greedy) demon and or human won’t open a ski lodge there? ☀️Witches and Wizards going out onto the water using their broomsticks to surf rather than using a surfboard. Some of them might even use special potions as sunscreen to make them tan better. ☀️Werewolves hanging out by bonfires roasting meat having fun with their pack mates bringing in the season by hanging with those who are close to them. Imagine the dilemma of said werewolves wondering if they can make smores like Werewolf 1: “...Can..Can we even eat smores?” Werewolf 2: “I’m not sure…I mean, there’s chocolate in it?” Werewolf 3: “Just make it without the chocolate then.” Werewolf 1: “But, the chocolate is the best part!” :( 

They found a better substitute to be safe…That substitute being peanut butter and they are absolutely having a ball with it. 

☀️Vampires who despise the heat and stay in their house all day sulking blasting the AC. They hate that they can’t make popsicles out of blood since it “Just doesn’t taste the same.” So basically they become more pissy and complain about how they wish it was cold again so they can go outside. When they do have to go outside they are detected out in all black wearing shades and have umbrellas. 

☀️Dryads and Nymphs absolutely go to music festivals during the summer. They’re vibe fits exactly with the people that would go to something like Co*hella or Woodstock. You’ll see them post pictures of them traveling to said music festival for some old indie artist wearing their music festival garb sitting on the grass posing with friends.

☀️Merfolk being extremely protective of their territory during the summer months due to people littering in their ocean or lakes. Sometimes bigger merfolk might play pranks on humans thinking that there is a shark or some sea monster and scare them out of the water. 

☀️Summer festivals that happen around town that get the whole community together. Imagine a whole festival during the summer that’s just to celebrate bringing the community out and just to celebrate different cultures. A different multicultural species celebration for everyone. ☀️Witches create different infusions of iced tea with certain potions i.e experimenting with different concoctions to make the tea have magical properties such as making you more alert or maybe makes you faster. 

☀️Pool parties! POOL PARTIES!   >Werewolves that shake themselves off like dogs no matter which form   >Water Nymphs who sometimes spook people by blending into the water.   >Larger species (Orcs, Ogres, Dragons, Giants) being used as diving boards with smaller species jumping off of them. >Witches doing fancy tricks jumping into the pool. 

☀️Imagine catching fireflies in the summer night and accidentally catching a fairy then catching fireflies with said fairy after you profusely apologized. They take you to a hidden grove where there were not only fireflies but, other cute fae creatures that glowed in the sunset of the summer sun. 

[alicedehorner]

IT'S FINALLY HERE ⭐️💜💙CHAPTER 2 OF BETTER THAN A WISH!💙💜⭐️ I hope you like it, I think it's my most chaotic chapter because I had to do a lot of things but hey, it's here, it's finally here ♡. I hope you like it, comment, share, I really want to know your opinion on this.

I don't remember much about my childhood, honestly I didn't know many people as I moved from place to place, I was just a background character in the enormous kingdom of "Far Far Away", I never knew who my parents were, so I had a great time of my childhood and youth in an orphanage, I know what you may think, being an orphan in a world like this I would be a bandit or thief, someone derailed from life perhaps, but I never felt the need, I preferred to look for some small job when I had old enough to give me honest money to eat, I was lucky to meet kind people. And once I became a young adult, I had to find my own path, it was there that I found what would be anyone's dream job, "personal assistant to the fairy godmother", top-level public figure, owner and businesswoman. from the most prestigious potion factory in the entire kingdom, she found me by accident when she saw me working at Farbuk's Coffee and realized I could work under pressure, the rest is history.

Getting off the carriage I found myself outside the fairy godmother's potion factory, I walked to the entrance while talking about the fairy godmother's appointment for that night through a floating bubble, once inside I met Geronimo who replaced me On my day off, once I arrived I went directly to the factory to report to my boss, finding a complete disaster, the whole place full of broken potions on the floor and all the employees turned into other creatures. Quickly searching with my eyes I found her, talking to some employees, that's when she turned to see me. -Ms. Fairy godmother, what happened? - I asked alarmed - We had a very serious security problem and everything is chaos! - she shouted, spreading her hands in annoyance as she flew near me - I want you to take an inventory of all the potions and if Something is missing, also bring me something to eat, soon," he ordered, maintaining his composure. "Right away, Fairy Godmother," I responded to do my task.

"I'm not interested in who did it, the only thing that interests me is that they clean," he ordered a group of his employees transformed into doves, while I arrived with the inventory and their food in my hands. "Yes, fairy godmother," they responded to leave. "And please someone bring me something fried and covered in chocolate," he asked into the air. "Mother." He spoke as soon as his son arrived. "Charming," he said flying in his direction. "What happened here?" she asked, seeing the state of the place. "The ogre, that happened," she answered, annoyed. "What? Where is mommy, I'll cut her head off, I'll cut her body into little pieces, she's going to regret the day she "He dared to strip me of my kingdom," he said while posing with his sword so that pigeon dirt fell on him at the end. "Oh, don't exaggerate, my son," he said, calming him down. "Excuse me fairy godmother, I have already inventoried everything, and there is only one potion left," I said, handing her the table with the inventory I had made. "What?" She took the table in her hands to see it. "Oh, I think we can take advantage of this." - She said to herself, immersed in her thoughts.

“I also brought you your food,” drawing your attention with the plate in my hands. “Ah, excellent Alice,” he said, taking it in his hands and handing me the board again. “I'm going to be in my office, I don't want anyone to bother me.” “Yes. godmother - I nodded to go and help with the cleaning of the factory, once done I went to my desk in reception and later my boss came out with her son - Alice I'm going out, I want you here early tomorrow - she said announcing that she was leaving - "Yes, fairy godmother," I responded, standing up to say goodbye to her. "This morning, her entrance for the royal ball tomorrow night was ready and organized." "Excellent," she said, looking at Charming with complicity. Alice― Charming said mockingly, watching me as I walked behind his mother, blowing me a kiss in the air while I rolled my eyes with a somewhat sarcastic but kind smile. And so they left, at night I along with the other employees already transformed into their normal form We left the factory, in the end I closed and went home. The next morning was a normal day, except that the fairy godmother and her son were not there, that day the production ended early and we all went home on time, when I arrived I turned on the television just in time for the red carpet and to see my boss on television, making her triumphant entrance with the dress she had ordered in the most exclusive store in Very Very Far as she asked me. Once the broadcast was over, I turned off the television and went to sleep in my large bed. I had been able to buy a house with my salary and I was living peacefully. I felt good in my job and I hoped to be able to continue doing so for much longer. But all that changed the next morning, I arrived by carriage to the factory while trying to contact my superior without success while there was the factory door, the noise of the employees in chaos made me divert my attention from the bubble to see everyone In a panic, in the crowd I found Geronimo, walking towards him as fast as my high heels and the crowd would allow me. "What's going on here?" I asked, completely confused.

And just like that, my comfortable life that I had had for a few months was gone, the fairy godmother had died and the company went bankrupt, everyone was unemployed, including me of course, I sold everything I had and with that money I left very, very far away. , I didn't have to say goodbye to anyone, my boss was dead and I never heard from her son again, I traveled for a long time, until I arrived at a rather gloomy town, with red, black and gray tones, and without much money I arrived to the doors of Lil' Jack's Horner Pie Co. Not knowing that what awaited me here was much worse.

[tealmaskmybeloved]

WHAT R UR HEADCANNONS ABT THE LOYAL THREE I NEED THEM NOW

Okidogi

- Enjoys belly rubs but refuses to acknowledge it in fear of it will make him look weak

- Often carries around Kieran and the other members when needed

- Also helps Kieran reach high places

- Met Dokutaro when Okidogi was kicked out of his pack for being too scrawny and weak; Dokutaro took advantage of that

Munkidori

- Is the weakest of the trio when it comes to strength, uses his powers to make up for that

- Has excellent mobility and flexibility

- Parkours super well

- Is the first to figure out Dokutaro's true intentions with Kieran

- Can both see the future and move things with his mind

- He met Dokutaro when he was lost and away from his family (he fell due to his clumsiness and got separated)

Fezandipiti

- TRANS KING WE STAN

- Wanted to be beautiful to impress a male Unfezant

- Didn't get the Unfezant but got chained to Dokutaro's will

- Collects and hoards shiny objects and glass

- Wants the Loyal 3 to be as beautiful as himself, so he makes sure that they look their best when robbing towns

- Is the one who did Kieran's new hair

- Likes the nickname "Fez"

Dokutaro/Pecharunt

- Is a lot bigger in my AU for reasons (about the size of a human head)

- Hates peaches and bans them from the household (Also dislikes oranges)

- Only opens up its shell when offering people/Pokémon its mochi or Toxic Chains

- Is the one who takes his job the most seriously (he's the leader after all)

- Stayed at Peachy's for like hundreds of years and even tested out controlling people on the shopkeeper there

-Allows the Loyal 3 to have some kind of free will most of the time. They still feel a sense of loyalty to him, but it's not outright mind control. (He only does that in certain situations)

Kieran (yes I'm adding him here because in my AU he's a member so)

- While he hates Ogerpon now, he didn't have the heart to completely throw away the mask he had of the Ogre, so it's just stuffed under the bed in a box

- Survives off of chocolate and spite

- Was a regular customer at Peachy's and always wondered about the odd plush there, imagine his surprise when he found out that it was a Pokémon

- Autistic and ADHD (like me)

- Hates presenting stuff

- Doesn't go home after school so he just hangs out with the Loyal 3 most of the time.

- Avoids Florian/Juliana and Carmine at Blueberry Academy

- Dreams of going to Paldea and away from Kitakami someday

Alright I think these should be good

[funnyfooddatabase]

McDonald’s Shrek Forever After 3D Mint Ogre-Load McFlurry

Drink

Type of Funny Food: Tie-In Product

Introduced: June 2010

Location: McDonald’s Canada

A mint McFlurry variant also filled with Nestlé Aero chocolate, this Mint Ogre-load McFlurry was available in Canadian McDonald's to promote the fourth Shrek film, Shrek Forever After.

[obsidiancreates]

Icewild (Part 2)

(There should be a Read More link but if it doesn't show up tell me because that's been happening lately and I don't know why.)

The arrival of the newcomers is... interruptive, but not halting. There's still the matters of making sure the ogres don't turn on the humans, of tending to wounds, of having a new day.

Of breakfast.

Barnabos keeps Kremy in the corner of his vision as he works on the monkey bread. The lizardfolk clearly knows his way around a kitchen as he pulls a chef's hat out of a bag of holding, and then a little pencil which he uses to add curls to the ends of his mustache. Then he pulls out a strange belt of some kind, fastening it around his waist.

"Alright Gid. Just light me a little fire here and then hang around in case I need ya."

"Sure thing man." Gideon lights the little fire below the pot and then steps back, crossing his arms and keeping his own eye on Barnabos.

"Not the trusting sort there, Mr. LeCroux?" Barnabos asks. "No need for a bodyguard, as long as ye don't strike first."

"Who said anythin' about a bodyguard? I just like havin' Gid around."

Barnabos sees Gideon puff up a little at that with a smug yet proud smile. Ahhh, well, that makes sense. Always better to have one's lover looking out for them, even when it might not be needed.

"I'll be servin' up a feast myself this morning," Barnabos says, tossing some pork into a pan and deeply inhaling the scent as it sizzles and pops. "All sorts o' fine foods, sweet an' savory alike."

"I'll be cookin' up some Agwe classics myself." Kremy pulls a small bag of flour from his belt, as well as a small glass jar of oil. He measures both out carefully and mixes them together in the pot. "Sausage and chicken gumbo, and maybe a tarte. We'll see, I dunno if I wanna risk a beezleberry infestation here."

"... Did you hit your head when you landed here, lad? I don' understand half the words yer saying."

"Oh. Right, well, a beezleberry is some kinda... horrible Feywild monstrosity. Tastes real fuckin' good! But kind of otherwise really horrible in every other way."

"I thin' I speak for everyone when I say you'd best leave that out."

"Yeah, probably."

"Is Agwe a Feywild city as well?"

"What? No, it's a fuckin' normal city."

"No need to get up in arms, Mr. LeCroux! Was just askin', I don't recognize the name is all."

"I guess it is pretty inland for someone like yourself to visit."

"It's where you wanna go if you're lookin' for a good time," Gideon says, pulling out a cigar and lighting it with his magic. "Gamblin', sleepin' around, scammin'-"

"Sounds like you should tell Mr. Stabbaskotch about it!" Barnabos declares with a grin. "He's the scammin' and gambling sort!"

"Not surprised." Kremy just keeps stirring his flour and oil mixture. "I could taste fiendish magic all around that little fella. Hope he got himself a good deal out of it."

"We may never know." Barnabos pops the bread into the oven. "He's got some sort o' beastie after 'im, but if you ask me he just needs to face it."

Gideon takes a drag from his cigar. "Sounds like he got a shitty fuckin' deal. Hey, how big is this fuckin' breakfast gonna be?"

"I'll be makin' a feast for the whole camp! It'll be plenty to fill up on, don't you worry."

"I'm making enough gumbo for seconds too, Gid." Kremy gestures back at Gideon. "His stomach's made of fire and stuff, he needs extra."

"Well I'm also keepin' up some fuckin' gains." Gideon flexes and grins.

"I'm not so scrawny myself, lads, I know what I'm doin'. ... Speakin' of, Mr. LeCroux, are you ever going to add any food to that there slurry?"

"The rue's barely there! It's only a light caramel, I'm looking for milk chocolate."

"Yer burnin' it on purpose?"

"Cookin' it. Keep your hands away though, this stuff is fuckin' Agwe Napalm."

"... And that's a common dish there? Something that they call napalm?"

"Can find it all over, none's as good as mine though."

"... Maybe don't tell Mr. Stabbaskotch where to find your city, on second thought."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The breakfast is a hit.

Kremy made enough gumbo just for his own family and their "hosts", so to speak, while Barnabos fed the rest of the entire camp. Not a single crumb or droplet was left behind of either of their meals, the gumbo being a highlight.

"Holy shit!" Skrimm literally bounces in his set a bit. "How have I never had that before?!"

Jornir places his bowl away. "It was... very good." He nods at Kremy.

"I'll admit, I 'ad my doubts watchin' the process, but it was well worth it." Barnabos sops up the last dregs of it with some bread. "I'll be tryin' to make my own take on it soon enough."

"Lookin' forward to tryin' it." Kremy leans over to Gideon and, less subtly than he thinks it is, whispers, "I saw him fuckin' drown everythin' in that Ancient Estuary shit Duncan had, I'm not fuckin' eatin' that so I'll just give it to you."

Gideon tries to laugh in quiet gleeful agreement. It's also louder than intended. Everyone graciously ignores this little conversation, for the sake of the ogres and their new holiday. Otherwise Barnabos and Skrimm might be rolling for initiative over the slight against Ancient Estuary.

"Oh! By the way, not to uhhhh impose," Gricko says, making a strange hand gesture, "But um, the big fella, there."

"I am called Jornir."

"Jor-nir-aye."

"... N-no."

"Anyway! Um, I noticed you've got a little funny shedding going on," Gricko says, lowering his voice and running his words together at the tail end of his sentence as he tilts his head. "And if I'm not mistaken, my friend Kremy here should have some nice bananyas leftover because he never used them in his pie, and I think it would make a nice, salve." he folds his hands and gives Jornir a funny little smile.

"Oh, yeah, I think you're right." Kremy reaches into his bag and pulls out Bananas.

Daisy gives Kremy and Gricko a look of perplexion and judgement so strong that it's a wonder they don't take psychic damage.

"They're fuckin' magic healin' bananas, alright?" Kremy tosses one at Jornir.

Jornir catches it, and examines it. "This is... infused with magic." He looks at Gricko. "I did not believe you when you said you were a druid."

"Oh, that's fair, I'm not the usual kind." Gricko pats Hootsie on the head as she, with an intelligence more humanoid than animal, pulls a plate of muffins closer and begins eating, picking out any chunks of fruit she finds like a picky child.

"Well... thank you. I will go use this." Jornir stands and leaves the table, and just as pointed out there's a fine dusting of fur on the seat as he leaves.

When he returns, there's sure to be... more visible damage.

But in the meantime, things settle a bit.

"Well," Taishen sighs, "Before all of this happened I'd told Myelin I'd check on an issue with the plumbing system, so I'll be going now. They gave me a wonderful outfit to do it in, too!" He holds up a pair of blue overalls and a fetching red cap.

"Oh, you guys got plumbin?!" Gideon leans in. "Why didn't anyone say so, we're fuckin' filthy!"

"Well, it's not working right now-"

"Oh, I'll get that workin'." Gideon stands up. His chains fall to the floor with a heavy clang! "Just fuckin' watch. Take me to the ogre sewers, dragon guy."

"Oh, company! Excellent news!"

"Go get 'em Gid." Kremy calls after them.

"Jackasses," Skrimm snorts.

Queenie glares. "They're fixin' your water, Skrimm."

"They're also working when they could be relaxing."

"But a hard day's work can be rewarding!" Twig bounces in her seat and holds up a hand. "You get to have things working right, you get to feel all nice after you get cleaned up, you get to lick frogs you find whole cleaning out the cupboards-"

"Lick frogs?" Skrimm's face scrunches.

"Didn't you try snake poison with the ghosts, Mr. Stabbaskotch?"

"Totally different."

"Yeah, snake poison tastes bad." Twig shrugs. "Anyway, I think it's gonna be better once they get the water running."

"Yes, I... am in desperate need of a bath. I'm still... messy, from Julia and Bobby's... acts."

Torbek makes a low sound of both disgust and intrigue. Frost wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.

"Well, I'm sure they'll be returning with good news for us," Barnabos says, leaning back in his chair and puffing on his pipe. "Oh, Mr. Jornir! Lookin' much better. What do you think about all this, sending the fire lads to fix the plumbing."

"I think that it will not work," Jornir says, sliding back into his chair and smelling of smushed bananyas. "And that we will need to have everyone move before we go to take the Armament from the Princess. ... And after the blood sacrifice."

All mouths at the table fall open.

"... Talk about a mood killer," Gricko mumbles.

There's a long silence.

And then Daisy raises her hand and signs, "I nominate Bacon for the sacrifice."

[the-boy-and-the-poison-puppeteer]

Hiya Rotumblr!

I'm almost back to my place, so then I'll be able to talk things out with Sis and the others.

As for any weird things, aside from the eye color, I haven't really felt weird.

I am really excited to meet the Ogre in person, though! Hopefully it's really nice and enjoyed the chocolate I would leave at its place! Does it have more masks? I mean, yeah, it does. The Loyal 3 took them and the people just displayed its masks.

Ooh! I wonder what type it is! I imagine the Ogre is super strong, since it beat the Loyal 3 at a disadvantage...

I may not be strong in battling, but hopefully the Ogre will see that I'm a good friend.

.... sorry for that rambling. I don't know what came over me, ehehe!

[barovianchickenandwaffles]

Barovian Tales: Gary’s Birthday

(Dedicated to @bluetspur-brain )

So, there I was one slow February morning when I spied Gary, my High-Master Illithid / barista, with his back turned to me, working on something in secret.

When your disloyal, scheming Illithid employee has their back turned to you, working on something in secret, that is rarely a good sign. I fished out my trusty silvered dagger and approached cautiously.

Gary was so occupied that he did not notice me until I prodded his back with the knife and whispered harshly, “what are you working on, Gary?”

Gary started and turned around, facial tentacles flailing nervously. That’s when I saw it: the crappiest, brain-shaped birthday cake I had ever seen.

I stared puzzled for a moment. My birthday was supposedly in September, or so my parents told me. That could only mean one thing…

“Gary, is it your birthday?”

The Illithid telepathically sent a sheepish “yes” to my mind.

I lowered the knife. “I had no idea you had a birthday. I thought you were planning my downfall.”

“Not today,” said Gary in my mind nonchalantly.

I paused. “I am surprised you remember your birthday. I thought all your memories were erased by the God Brain’s mindless collective in Bluetspur.”

The gentle, soothing voice replied back in my mind. “My distance from the collective has allowed some of my previous memories as a tadpole to surface as well as my ceremorphosis.”

Gary shared some brief telepathic images: swimming in the brine pool of the God Brain, followed by his takeover of a drow warrior’s body and excruciating transformation. I quickly shut that part out of my mind. “Sorry,” apologized Gary, “I’ll fast-forward that part.”

Too late, there went my breakfast.

Later, I said, “well even in a crappy place like Barovia birthdays are worth celebrating. We should have a birthday party.”

A couple rooms over I could hear Viktor’s ghostly voice moaning, “you never celebrated my birthday.”

“Quiet, you!”

I scrounged some party supplies from around town, bribed a local Vistana band to play at our shop for the night, and enticed some customers to stay around by promising 1/2 off a second topping with the purchase of any Uncle Oleksii meal.

In no time at all, we had a birthday party for Gary. His “brain cake” tasted every bit as awful as you can imagine (chocolate frosting did not help), and everyone kept a safe distance from Gary, but for once Barovian Chicken and Waffles wasn’t entirely a depressing place.

Later, we asked Gary to give a speech.

Gary floated on top of a table and said, “I am an Illithid of few words, and not very good at speeches, but here goes.”

Suddenly a rainbow colored flash like a funnel or cone of energy projected from his mind and we all blacked out.

When I came to, I saw Gary devouring the cranium of a customer. In my most sitcom voice, I said, “Gaaarrryyyy!!!”

Somewhere in the distance, one could hear the cruel, canned laughter of the Dark Powers …

Later, as our ogre zombie dishwasher cleaned up the shop and disposed of the evidence, it was time to wind down and prepare for the next shift. I said to Gary, “you know, you’re the most conniving and untrustworthy employee I have, but happy birthday anyway!”

I felt a wave of joy emanate from Gary.

At that moment, a party of men dressed in strange, black suits, red cravats, and each carrying square-shaped leather briefcase entered the shop.

“Oh, I forgot to mention,” said Gary in my mind, “while you were unconscious I sold the shop to something called a ‘shell company’ from the ‘America’ demiplane. I made a tidy profit. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Gaaarrryyyy!!!”

(pause, Seinfeld style credits roll)

[lily-wholockian]

ok I also need to comment on that walrus and fairy thing.

it's obviously the walrus. not bc its a walrus and what that entails. and not bc of the implications that a fairy knocking on my door would have.

it's simply the size.

if I opened the door and there was a huge anything there it would shock me more than a small creature or something humanoid.

it's the same as asking if I'd be more surprised to find a fridge or a bar of chocolate there (both things I have surprisingly encountered at my door) and it would be the fridge!

and its the same as asking if I'd be more surprised about an ogre or a gnome. IT WOULD BE THE OGRE BECAUSE ITS FUCKING MASSIVE!

it's about the "what the fuck is this?" moment.

thinking about how possible or probable a walrus or a fairy would be to knock on my door will always be second thought to this.

[maribatshipper]

I'm so happy to see Disney addressing Periods, considering it doesn't like to make dirty jokes or things like that, but I think Dreamworks should have a turn. Dreamworks isn't shy to making adult jokes. Disney doesn't normally touch them with a twelve foot pole.

I want Trollhunter Trolls to ask about Periods! I want Akiridions to ask humans how they make babies, because apparently kissing is Akiridion version of sex.

I want to see Astrid being Clearly on her period, and Hiccup being the husband material he is and supporting her.

I want to know if Fiona from Shrek gets her periods while an ogre, or if it's just a human thing.

I mean, DreamWorks is always making Dick jokes, let's make some Period jokes.

I want to see a girl wake up on her second day of period and grip her abdomen for a second before brushing it off and going about her day.

I want Megamind to be the boyfriend/husband material he is and support Roxanne Ritchi during her periods.

I want Jack Frost to help little siblings getting period products for their big siblings in the supermarket.

Or even Puss In Boots giving his Mama chocolate or whatever they can get in that timeline for Women.

I want Wizard boys to be freaking out over their girlfriends periods and trying every spell to get rid of it because the Period is hurting their girlfriends, and that in turn hurts the boys, either because they don't want their girls in pain, or their girlfriends are more terrifying on their periods.

Or Girlfriends supporting girlfriends. Fathers supporting daughters! Sons supporting mothers! Give me Jim Lake Jr getting his mother Period Products!