#could you tell that the original post was just the math book

[astrosky33]

heLlo Hi its Me coming to ask you another question, i can’t help it.

I KNOW KNOW

anyways

so you went to college for astrology right? How was that like? I was thinking of doing it because i want a degree and honestly i like astrology.

So any chance if you could tell me your experience with getting the degree and do you need to be really good at maths for it?

OKAY that’s all:)

𝐍𝐎 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒! 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 <𝟑

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

No you don’t need to be good at math haha! They do sometimes go over mathematical terms when you learn about astronomy but there’s no work you have to do involving math

You do have to pay it’s not for free unfortunately

I did the course online because it’s in Shoreline, Washington and I live too far but if you live near there you have the option to do it in person I’m pretty sure

Basically once you enroll for whichever main course you choose they mail you the books for the courses and you go to online classes every day for 130 weeks

For the electives the times vary since they’re focused on just one specific topic. For the specific electives I chose they were only 5-10 weeks long

𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤

To get a full diploma I had to take 130 weeks of course study, 115 weeks of required courses, at least 15 weeks of electives, and give a final demonstration of learning

The courses I took were astrological fundamentals-natal chart, astrological fundamentals-prediction, astrological counseling and relationships, astrological professional development, astrological heritage, and astromapping

I took some electives as well including medical astrology, horary astrology, traditional predictive astrology, calling and the soul’s transformation, comparisons and composites, intro to psychological astrology, and more

𝐌𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐬

Astrological Fundamentals - Natal Chart

I thought I knew all the basic information in astrology before taking this course but turns out I did not and I learned a lot of new things as well as lots of info about misconceptions that are made a lot by many fake astrologers online

Astrological Fundamentals - Prediction

This course was for sure my favorite out of all of them because I love learning about predictive astrology and impressing my friends with how accurate it is

Astromapping

I got to learn way more about astrocartography and will definitely be posting more about it now

𝐌𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬

Counseling and Relationships

Talks about compatibility (sexual and romantic), relationship longevity and success, attraction, potential relationships, etc

Hellenistic Astrology

Learned about Derivative Astrology in this class which was really interesting to me. I used to think it was a Sidereal technique but it actually originated from Tropical Astrology

𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

There’s another course is called Alternative Traditions. I’m not entirely sure what that withholds because I didn’t read about it or take it

There are also over 20 different electives you can take other than the one’s I took but I didn’t have any interest in them

𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫

Once you complete the main courses they give you a diploma and you are then considered a certified astrologer!

Once you compete the electives they give you certificates for each elective you complete!

You don’t have to complete all the electives I did to become an astrologer only the main courses and 15 weeks of electives but I took extra classes because I wanted to learn more astrology methods

𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐄𝐃 <𝟑

<- 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

[anim-ttrpgs]

Eureka: A lot of bang for your buck!

As mentioned in an earlier post, the rulebook for Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is on the longer side of the indie-TTRPG spectrum, coming in at about 230 pages at the time of writing this.

The rulebook dedicates about the first 90 pages to what we would probably call the “core gameplay”: That is, looking for clues, gathering evidence, drawing conclusions, talking to people, making plans, etc. as well as what each Skill and Trait does and how to create a normal player character.

The next 75 or so pages are dedicated entirely to combat.

Characters are fairly fragile in Eureka compared to most TTRPG PCs—they might even be more fragile than Call of Cthulhu PCs—and this serves to realistically and organically discourage a shoot-first-question-later style of play. However, we knew that making the PCs this easy to kill meant that we had to give the combat systems within the game a lot of depth to match, to give the PCs and their players a good degree of agency in the fight, or else they’d just be going along until wham the party is dead after one bad roll and it’s game over before they know it.

The combat rules in Eureka are deep but not overly complex. It’s less about determining the exact right turn to utilize a special ability that synergizes with the rest of the party’s special abilities, and more about positioning, planning around the environment, and striking first. This still uses the same 2D6 system as everything else—except for when automatic firearms come into play, then it’s D12s for a little extra randomness and because it’s easier to roll 10 D12s than 10 pairs of D6s—so you won’t need to really learn a whole new set of rules just to have a fight. Just keep track of the effective range of each category of firearm and how many bullets your character has left!

I’m actually personally very proud of Eureka’s firearm combat rules. They manage to create a very realistic simulation of a real shootout, organically encouraging realistic tactics and strategy without devolving into a slow grind where every character’s turn takes five minutes of math and re-checking the rulebook to resolve. After that, there’s a brief set of instructions on how to convert an adventure module not originally made for it to work well with the Eureka system. This chapter is only a few pages long because it really is that simple!  

And then the last section in the book is dedicated to making and handling PCs that are a bit...less normal. This is about 60 pages, and covers the bulk of Eureka’s actual supernatural lore, and instructions on how to use that lore to create supernatural player characters that fit into that lore.

We’ve gone into this more in-depth in another earlier post, but let me give a simple rundown anyway: There is no “masquerade” in the world of Eureka, no grand conspiracy by either the mundane government nor a secret supernatural government to cover up the existence of vampires and werewolves and fairies and the like, in fact there is no secret supernatural government. Supernatural creatures are simply so rare as to mainly just fly right under the radar of most modern science, with actual sightings being considered the stuff of tabloid trash and unscientific sensationalism by most academic minds. So obscure are these instances of the supernatural that a vampire might not even believe in werewolves, or a werewolf in vampires. They may have even never met another one of their kind in-person. As for why these individuals don’t just get on camera and tell the world that they exist... well, the ones they have the less dangerous magical powers could usually be shown-up by a mundane stage magician in Vegas. Yeah right you can start fires with your mind, I bet you just have a remote ignition switch in your pocket!

And then the ones that have more impressive magical powers, like literally transforming completely into a bat, well, those guys tend to also eat people, so it’s really in their best interest to keep that to themselves, in case anyone comes asking questions about what happened to the neighbors and all those delivery guys....

Perhaps one of the most interesting mechanics here is how supernatural characters like these must not only keep their secrets from the world at large, but the rest of the party too! These PCs’ supernatural status is a secret from everyone except their player and the game master, and they must find ways to dodge their supernatural weaknesses, exert their powers, and take a few bites out of a victim all without alerting anyone else in the party or at the table to their true nature.

Follow @anim-ttrpgs​ for updates and look for Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy on Kickstarter later this year!

[glitchcel]

15 people 15 questions!!!!

Tagged by @suzufield thank you yay ^^

This is a long one so it's under the cut and also idgaf I love hearing myself talk I love the sound of my own voice!!!!

Not really, my given name is that of a saint like most names from here tbh, but my mom picked it because it's short and she wanted people from everywhere around the world to be able to say it which is kind of cute. I don't have chosen name I have like 3 nicknames people alternate between, one of them is Ani or AniGC which I use on the internet and I don't plan on picking one I think not having a name is cool!

1. Are you named after anyone?

2. When was the last time you cried?

Nope, too young, and also having my own kids or parenting/fostering is not something I am fit to ever do I don't think I would be a good parent. I'm a lesbian so biological kids are kind of out the window (not really but don't want them regardless, better safe than sorry on this matter I think). I would love to work with kids though at least once in my lifetime.

Genuinely yesterday I love crying I cry all the damn time it helps me fall asleep. What the libs don't want you to know is that depression is actually awesome because you can cry all the fucking time and you don't need sleeping medication! Yay for mental illness!

3. Do you have kids?

4. What sports have you played/do you play?

I did karate for 8 or 9 years from ages of like 6-14, loved it, then I fell down the stairs and fucked up my spine and had to quit. Then I did swimming for a bit but nothing too serious and I quit that because I got bored now I do fuck all.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes a lot but I try to not get too irony poisoned lol, I mostly just say outlandish shit but I do use sarcasm.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I couldn't tell you if you put a gun to my head. I don't fucking know 😭

7. Eye colour?

Brown! ^^

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

This is a strange one I'm not really big on either of these things. When it comes to horror I'm not really a fan of movies I feel like a thing inherently becomes a little less scary when you show it to me or when it's moving you know? Idk I like some of them but I really do enjoy horror books those are awesome. And for the other thing I don't know is it a happy ending for me or the characters? Like I enjoy all plot threads being tied together well but if that doesn't make my fav happy GOOD. Let that bitch suffer. To actually answer the question I think scary movies lmao.

9. Any talents?

Why yes I'm very awesome. Idk I'm a fast learner genuinely that's the biggest thing I've got going on I think almost everything I know I learned on my own accord, it was never given to me, and idk I'm kind of proud of that idgaf if it sounds corny. I can also dislocate my thumb that's kind of cool.

10. Where were you born?

In the hospital (Serbia but I don't like saying where I'm from too much I want to remain a Mysterious Figure On The Computer and now you have to ignore the fact that I frequently post about this)

11. What are your hobbies?

Running the risk of sounding like a loser nerd I love studying I love learning things if I could stay in school for the rest of my life I genuinely would. I love learning how shit works and I'm gonna be honest organic chemistry has been among my favourite things to study ever it's so perfectly logical and awesome one of the best sciences ever for sure. Besides that I like doing fuck all and taking the piss on the internet.

12. Do you have any pets?

Nope! Small apartment and not enough money or time to take care of them. One day I will get a cat though trust.

13. How tall are you?

184cm that's like 6'0" I think?

14. Favourite subject in school?

Idk probably physics. High school level chem was incredibly fucking boring I didn't even have to fart to get good grades. Math and programming were my original beloveds but I fell out of love with them very soon after starting high school due to bad experiences with teachers. So yeah probably physics idk the only subjects I think about at this point are the ones I'll have next year in college I can't fucking wait for atomistics.

15. Dream job?

I feel like a fucking idiot being at my age and telling people I want to be a scientist but like!!!!!! I do I genuinely do!!!! I want to be a researcher and do cool things I want to be entranced by the work I do maybe this sounds so incredibly optimistic because it's likely that if I become a researcher I'll be eating packet noodles for the rest of my life but!! That's my dream!!!

I cannot be assed to tag 15 people I'm sorry also I think everyone and their mom has done this at this point so I'll tag. 3 take it or leave it! Sorry if any of you have done this already 😭. Also if you haven't but don't want to that's fine lmao no pressure

@k-ru-h @viegoinahoodie @schrodingers-catgirl

[awkwardgtace]

For the ask game, 🔪, ❄️ and 🦴 :3

ask game

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

ohh ok this is hard. A dream theme would probably be a good mystery I can't start piecing together or a horror novel that scares me. For mystery I oddly enough think Brandon Sanderson would be good. I've been unable to predict things moving forward in the Stormlight Archives. But honestly I think it would be written best by someone who hasn't even tried before. There's a way of placing clues in a mystery I feel a lot of people follow. Most of the time those clues placed by someone new wouldn't have the same easy to tell hints and tips.

For horror I kind of am expecting Lydia Prime to do it. She's a newer author on the horror scene (actually have a book she just managed to publish I plan to pick up). I also some comedians would be good at it. Comedy is kind of the other side, takes a lot to do it. I don't know who would be best for this outside of like a pro author. I'm pretty hard to scare, make a habit of marathoning horror games and horror movies just because. That does mean I get psyched to read any horror sent my way that might be good!

For a dream plot it's kinda hard to say. I know how my brain works, but honestly even if i'm not super into it I just like seeing people posting/sharing the stuff they put their time into. It's so scary to take that first step so it's really amazing when someone does and they keep going.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

Ok so this one is kind of a lot. For some of my stories it's probably some myth, post, or my own daydream mixed from anime/games/books throughout the years.

Specific media would be MTG Streets of New Capenna set (Mafia AU), Fenyx Rising (Delphia rising), FF14 (some fanfics and an au i am working on), Oddly enough a story I have on and off struggled with was inspired by a yugioh series, Godzilla vs Kong (the fight for Rhys and Felix in mafia au). My gods might have been inspired by the old hercules disney movie.

Oh Delphia is a bit inspired by an Kagome in Inuyasha (got me looking into reincarnation). oh and a book series I read forever and ever ago. The Eternal Ones by Kirsten Miller. (I went to my bookshelf to find this title.)

I also do love mythology and folklore so I'm sure that's a big inspiration even if it's not obvious. (obsessed with fairies since I was like born. My sister can't even remember a time i wasn't).

Basically it's everything? I have a few characters I've realized over time fit a meme a little or i put together match someone i loved from a game.

Oh last one I can think of. Alice in Wonderland. I loved that from the disney movie, to the books, to the manga based in it, to the new tim burton movies. Pretty much the only time I haven't liked it was in RWBY 😅

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? I feel weird leaving this one out in the open, but like also it's not exactly nsfw. just a little insight into my weird thought process at times

ok so originally it was gonna be the general size of a dick/vagina of the average person to then do the ratio for how big it should be for a giant/how small for a tiny. In searching for this math (cause ofc i only shared it on discord) I realized i had an entire discussion that involved at least a little research where i determined it's incredibly viable that if giants and tinies are under the same homo species it would possible to successfully get pregnant in a multisize couple with the question being the survival rate of the child/birth parent dependent on a number of factors....

I used the dick knowledge in one (1) specific story i wrote on ao3. The pregnancy knowledge was lost until now.

Most likely to get me arrested was how much a person could move after a stab wound

for those curious this was the percentages i came up with are under the cut

balls: 2.7% of total height per ball dick: 6.9% of total height pussy opening: 4.8% of total height pussy depth: 6.3% of total height

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 15 of Gideon the Ninth

Harrow's plan for destroying the bone construct sounds fun, and sounds fun to read about, I'm interested to see how it goes. It's interesting that necromancy has "theorems", I just saw a post recently about how it's mathematical in nature, but Harrow also talks about it like weaving, and previously it's been described like programming. Although, if you go back to the roots of it, programming, math and weaving are all pretty closely related

Is Harrow actually frightened of not being the first person to become a Lyctor? Or maybe social anxiety, but I feel like Gideon is actually right that she should have some solid MO for formal social events at this point. I wonder if there's some particular person in Canaan House right now that she's afraid of, there's a couple different options that might make sense, I think at the top of the list we have Ianthe, knife-face/mayonnaise uncle who is still without a name, and maybe Palamedes, but these also strike me as the people who were least likely to attend Magnus's anniversary party. I'm not sure if she thinks/suspects that Dulcinea is evil yet

Teacher thinks Gideon could tell Harrow some interesting things about the relationship between the 4th and 5th Houses, but I'm not sure that's actually true? I think Teacher might be overestimating Gideon's attention to detail and general political acumen

I've looked up a bunch of lock diagrams, and I don't know what he could be referring to here unless he's talking about the pins/tumblers, which don't seem like words that are apropos to this discussion. Unless locks work differently here?

Goddammit Gideon, that was an interesting conversation, I almost thought I was going to learn something about about this universe for a minute there

Also, that was a Dune reference

So, ok:

There was a Resurrection (of the Emperor?), and then later "sovereignty" and the Cohort, and it sounds like the time period she's talking about after the Resurrection but before the other stuff was when the original Lyctors were around/ascended

It sounds like Abigail is not going to inherit even though she is the heir? Or traded some future that she was promised to her brother in order to come to Canaan House to attempt to become a Lyctor

I see this is like Star Wars and we're deathly terrified of things like C-sections. Also, I guess Ianthe really was born second, but was sent to Lyctor Camp anyway. I have no idea what knife-face means by "a wasted opportunity". Naberius's only role among the three of them so far seems to be to stick up for Corona to Ianthe, and neither of them are having it

I appreciate the use of itty-bitty text for most of what Jeannemary and Isaac say, even when it's actually directed at Gideon specifically

I mean, I think Harrow wants to become a Lyctor before anyone else can become a Lyctor, but I have a feeling there might be some other answer here

Ok, someone help me out here. I cannot social interaction. I cannot with Meaningful facial expressions. I cannot with whatever this is. What is this? There is something Being Communicated here, and I do not know what it is. Is this supposed to be sexual attraction? Is this a way that people describe sexual attraction? I mean, Gideon seems to think it is, but like, she's not a reliable narrator. This seems very antagonistic to be sexual attraction, and while yes, I understand that antagonistic sexual attraction is apparently a thing in this book, these two specific characters are just Not It for the antagonistic sexual attraction so that does not make sense to me

I think Harrow is overestimating Abigail's ability to make headway on the bone construct puzzle. The puzzle requires having a cavalier that can actually fight, which is something I do not think Abigail actually has, although Harrow may not actually know this herself

[eishtmo]

The Scholomance in Minecraft: Final Tour

The build is, for all intense and purposes, done. Now for the final tour.

Okay, let me be blunt, I can't post this here. That tour is 147 images long, not counting the one I'm reusing from the book. So I really insist if you want to see the whole thing, go visit the Imgur post. That said, I did figure out how to do something quite interesting, and I will be sharing it only here, along with some random thoughts and notes. So, who wants to see a map of the Scholomance in Minecraft?

The program is called Mineways, and it lets you extract the data from any Minecraft world, and do all sorts of things, like build import it to 3d modeling software, 3d print it, or just generate some maps. We'll start at the top and work our way down.

This view was almost standard for much of the build and still how I think of the school as a whole. I never removed much of the access stuff I used for building, so you'll see things like that inside the core throughout.

So the school is roughly 120 blocks tall, which puts it at about 40 stories tall. Minus the library and graduation hall, that means climbing from the Senior dorms to the library is climbing about the equivalent of 27 stories. The seniors had to have one hell of a work out just to get lunch, let alone the gym runs. The only thing holding them back from being full on Olympic athletes is the fact that they were malnourished!

I did some math at one point trying to figure out how many books the library could contain, and surprisingly they have figures for how many books fit in a cubic meter. My math (possibly wrong) came up with 116 million. Google claims there's only 156 million books total. Now this is possibly wrong (I may have messed up my math), but it's still crazy how big the library actually is. I still can't get over it honestly.

Maleficaria Studies got me wondering something: Who made the mural? The only ones who would ever see the Graduation Hall and it's inhabitants would be graduating seniors, and I doubt many took the time to sketch the scene. And even then, how did it get back into the school? And then up on the walls in a way that could be torn down and turned into wire? More than that, what was the original purpose? When they planned for it to be for 800 male enclavers, did they need it to be what it became? Or was it just an auditorium/theater and at one point they had bands or were performing Shakespeare or something?

Speaking of those early days, I think it's pretty clear there had to be some communication from outside the school to inside, if only to the artifice itself. After all, they had to have some way to tell the school to halve the room sizes so it could support more students.

BTW, while writing this, do you notice how there's a couple blanks spaces for the bathrooms along the bottom? Yeah, I missed two sets of bathrooms. I did go back and fill those in, I just didn't redo these maps.

Speaking of bathrooms, I decided to make the interior restrooms unisex while the dorm ones were gendered. Why? My theory is that because the dorms were designed to be re done on a regular basis it wasn't hard to fix but the interior ones couldn't be so easily changed, so instead of separating by gender, they just left them unisex as they couldn't do anything else. So why no urinals? After all it was originally an all boys school. Mostly it was easier to build, but also because I really couldn't find a ratio between urinals and toilets, and only got annoyed me when the one reference I found said that for all male locations there should be more toilets/urinals total than one for all female or even mixed populations. That might explain a lot if that's considered the standard in the building industry.

This image actually shows the grid and vent work in the alchemy labs as it's difficult to see when you're in the school. I really just wanted to point it out. I used this floor to figure out the numbering system for the rooms in the school. As shown here:

I did make an effort to stick to this map, but I'm sure I messed it up somewhere.

I have a theory on the construction of the school. We're told that the doors were meant to be the thing to get people to invest, in the larger project, but was it all in one go? I think maybe not. Sure the grad hall and gates came first, then they suggested maybe we could build another floor, and then another, and then why not just build the whole thing and before the enclaves knew what was happening they were building a world wonder. Feature creep at it's finest.

The vent work in the Workshop is almost impossible to see from inside the school. I managed to find one spot, right over the power hammer for the final tour post and it's only barely visible. Here though, you can see the whole thing. It's the grey line that runs through it.

The labyrinth isn't quite as wild as the images in the books displayed, in fact it's quite regular from this angle, but when you're inside, getting lost is probably the stupidly easiest thing that can happen. It was mostly intentional, of course, but I'm surprised how well it worked and how easily I got turned around.

I will also say I'm so happy with how the gym ultimately turned out. Oh it could be better, but the stark difference between it and the rest of the school is something I really wanted to make clear. Also if you look close to the edges of the gym and workshop, you can see the current and old shafts, I never did remove the old ones.

The Grad Hall has the most leftover bits in the school. The multiple extra shafts, the remains of the lines for the levels of the landing, and square base of the whole thing. I would love to say I left it as an easter egg or something, but really it was one part laziness and one part really freaking dark down there. If I couldn't see it and know it's there, no one else can see it at all.

Of all the parts of the school, we know both a lot about the Graduation Hall, and almost nothing. It's shape is only hinted at, the general arrangement (entry doors on one side, exit on the other) is vague, and we really don't know where the shafts come in at all. My original build actually had the shafts going up toward the middle of the school, making the whole thing quite narrow indeed, but this felt much more likely to be true. This version feels more right, even if it still remains a bit too small. But only a bit.

And now a gif from the top to bottom. No it doesn't have every layer, but it has a lot of them.

Well that's the end. Link to final file below. Please feel free to download and explore it, modify or just play inside. And if someone gets a server of this running let me know. Hell let me know whatever you do with it, I'm straight up curious.

And since there's a chance she's reading this, thank you for the wonderful series and hope my build came at least pretty close to what you imagined, even if was made in Minecraft.

[hchollym]

JKR messed up Bill & Charlie's ages.

I said in another one of my posts that I would write more about this, so here we are:

According to JKR, Charlie graduated in June of 1991 & Harry started attending Hogwarts in September of 1991.

But that makes no sense.

First, McGonagall says:

‘I shall speak to Professor Dumbledore and see if we can’t bend the first-year rule. Heaven knows, we need a better team than last year. Flattened in that last match by Slytherin, I couldn’t look Severus Snape in the face for weeks …’

Then, Fred says:

‘I tell you, we’re going to win that Quidditch Cup for sure this year,’ said Fred. ‘We haven’t won since Charlie left, but this year’s team is going to be brilliant. You must be good, Harry, Wood was almost skipping when he told us.’

If Charlie just graduated/left a few months before that, then why didn't the team win the year before? Yes, Charlie could have lost the Quidditch Cup his last few years at Hogwarts due to extenuating circumstances, but then why phrase it as "We haven't won since Charlie was here"? Why not say, "We haven't won in years"?

There's also this conversation in the book:

Meanwhile, in the locker room, Harry and the rest of the team were changing into their scarlet Quidditch robes (Slytherin would be playing in green). Wood cleared his throat for silence. “Okay, men,” he said. “And women,” said Chaser Angelina Johnson. “And women,��� Wood agreed. “This is it.” “The big one,” said Fred Weasley. “The one we’ve all been waiting for,” said George. “We know Oliver’s speech by heart,” Fred told Harry, “we were on the team last year."

This implies that Oliver was the captain last year (because he was giving the pep talk), but if Charlie attended Hogwarts the year before (like JKR says he did), then Charlie would have been the captain.

Some parts of the fandom try to explain these errors by saying that perhaps Charlie left school early to become a dragonologist.

I don't buy it.

We have no evidence that Charlie didn't graduate. In fact, we have the opposite:

“Beds empty! No note! Car gone — could have crashed — out of my mind with worry — did you care? — never, as long as I’ve lived — you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy —” 

If Charlie dropped out of school, I highly doubt Molly would be saying she never had much trouble with Charlie. To be honest, most of the text (in the actual books) demonstrates that Bill & Charlie weren't nearly the rebellious teenagers that fandom seems to think. It wasn't until they became adults that they started pushing back against Molly's expectations.

Then there's this:

“When Mum’s next letter finally gets through Umbridge’s screening process,” said Ron bitterly, now holding his cup up while its frail legs tried feebly to support its weight, “I’m going to be in deep trouble. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s sent a Howler again.” “But —” “It’ll be my fault Fred and George left, you wait,” said Ron darkly. “She’ll say I should’ve stopped them leaving, I should’ve grabbed the ends of their brooms and hung on or something. . . . Yeah, it’ll be all my fault. . . .”

If Charlie dropped out of school before graduation, Molly would definitely blame him for the twins' actions, claiming that he set a bad example (since we know how much she emphasizes that the older kids should set good examples for their younger siblings).

I just think JKR originally planned on making Bill & Charlie older, but 1. she sucks at math, and 2. the whole Bill x Fleur relationship is already problematic enough without making Bill even older than her.

That's just my opinion though, so take it with a grain of salt. 🤷‍♀️

[kukies-capabilities]

I posted 131 times in 2022

That's 13 more posts than 2021!

82 posts created (63%)

49 posts reblogged (37%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gatheryepens

@nietxsche

@spelledslots

@elysianania

@autistudyblr

I tagged 85 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#study blog - 77 posts

#studyblr - 77 posts

#sixth form - 76 posts

#a levels - 75 posts

#study space - 75 posts

#studywithme - 72 posts

#a level physics - 70 posts

#a level maths - 54 posts

#year 12 - 52 posts

#a level further maths - 50 posts

Longest Tag: 104 characters

#i’ll probably lose but i don’t know what to do with myself and this seems like the best option right now

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

On Thursday I woke up with a migraine and made myself go to school cause there was a show I didn’t want to miss and I had both of my maths teachers that day. I did this with the plan on not going in on Friday. Come Friday I still feel horrible, my skin feels sensitive, my eyes hurt when I move them. I’m suffering. I eventuality take a covid test and it comeback positive.

I wrote off my original symptoms as a combination of me over working myself and stress. This so my first time testing positive since the start of the pandemic. I’m not as invincible as I though. 😪

Day 24: What's your favourite beverage?

Nigerian Fanta. It’s sold in a glass bottle and it so much better than what the one that they sell herein the UK.

Day 25: What does your ideal breakfast look like?

A breakfast wrap/sandwich that contains eggs and sausage (beef of course)

Fruit and yogurt parfait on the side

Day 26: What's the cosiest place in your mind right now?

My bedroom. Just me, my bed and Aristotle and Dante

And the public library I go to. Me and all those books.

26 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

#4

I think I am starting to enjoy revising/studying (would enjoy it much more if my maths exam wasn’t so close but you win some you lose some). I think have a routine that works for me for now.

Ramadan is less than 20 days away and I need to come up with some sort of timetable to ensure I get enough sleep, and can still revise. I wish I was the type of person wi could fall asleep where ever quickly. If I was I wouldn’t Bebe bother changing my routine much. I would just take naps everywhere.

15th March: How do you deal with academic/work stress? Do you have a coping system/mechanism?

I feel like I’m in a constant state of panic so at this point I don’t get affected much.

However every once in a while I do stress more than usual so much so that my appetite is usually affected. In those scenarios I make sure to write down everything I need to do and spread it out over a period of time.

I have learnt that when I have a lot of something to do, that me trying to do it all in one day doesn’t work for me. I get bored and ended up working img slowly. Or I get stressed by how much I have left to do, and end up freezing.

29 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

#3

First week back at school done. It was tiring, and I took today (Sunday) to complete relax and do no work. I know this is gonna be my last peaceful/stress-less day for a while so I savoured it.

I started listening to a true crime podcast called “female criminals” and a history podcast called “history’s b side” both are quite interesting. Would recommend both of them.

I went to my first bookclub meeting. I joined the club a couple months back but never I never went to the meetings cause didn’t have time to read the books. But I managed to this month and it was fun talking to other about books.

Quantum fact: The uncertainty principle tells us that the more we know about one property of a wave the less we know about another. Pairs include Wavelength and location as well as energy and time. For example, the easier it is to pinpoint the location of a wave, the harder it is to find its wavelength.

See the full post

31 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

#2

I went exploring over the weekend!!!!

Saturday 19th March

I went to the Future Robots: Material Futures X DeepMind exhibition in London with a friend. It was cool and interesting. My favourite part was the synesthesia translator

We then went to a cafe in bookstore and worked for a bit. I felt so ✨aesthetic✨

Sunday 20th March

Went to the British library with my friend. It was so huge but a nice change of scenery

Took my younger sister with me and I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. Her being there made it more stressful and harder for me to concentrate as I had to ensure that she was safe

51 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Day 1: What’s your favourite podcast?

The Magnus archives. Such a good podcast. I have season 5 left and then it’s over 🥲

I did just finish “Fearie” today and that is definitely a good one

85 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cromulentbookreview]

Lost in a Cheese Trance

*wakes up*

*looks at internet*

Maybe I should check that book review blog I’m supposed to be working on. Huh, looks like I haven’t updated this book review blog since *shuffles papers* last November?

Wait, what is it now? 

July? Oh. Shit. 

I’d like to say my absence was for a good reason. But there wasn’t. I’m just lazy. Plus, there were so many digital advanced review copies for me to choose from and along with those are the already released books that I need to read...that and I just didn’t feel like it. I do that sometimes. One minute I’ll tell myself I’ll write one review a month and the next minute it’s been eight months of “...I’ll get to that later.”

And I never got to it. Until now! Yay!

(all those crickets and tumbleweeds you’re hearing are because nobody reads this, but I’m going to keep writing these anyway).

If there was any book that could bring me out of my laziness-induced hiatus, it is Sona Movsesian’s hilarious memoir detailing the downfall of her own ambition.

And by that, I mean: The World’s Worst Assistant by Sona Movsesian!

How does someone who worked so hard to get her foot in the door end up as the World’s Worst Assistant? Keep reading and I’ll show you a brand-new world, one where deadlines are spurned, professionalism is seldom upheld, and you’ll never have to miss an episode of your favorite TV show.

-From the uncorrected copy of The World’s Worst Assistant.

Sona Movsesian is the first to admit she isn’t great at her job. Which is a bit of a problem when you’re the assistant to comedy legend Conan O’Brien.

Sona is a boss who doesn’t give a single fuck. But she didn’t start out that way. She came into her job as Conan’s assistant as someone eager to do a good job. But, like so many of us, as the years passed, she got comfortable in her job. 

Comfortable enough to no longer give a shit.

Now, before I get into Sona’s book I should explain: I’ve been a fan of Conan O’Brien practically since birth.

Not only is he responsible for some of the best episodes of The Simpsons, ever, (Marge vs. The Monorail, Homer Goes to College and New Kid on the Block), he’s also my favorite ever Late Night host. Growing up, they’d play last night’s Conan at 6 PM and we’d watch it religiously. In high school, we’d watch the monologue, the post-monologue bit, and then, during the interviews, my dad would try to help me do my math homework. Unfortunately, I’m both easily distracted and terrible at math. 

Now, I’m not saying Conan O’Brien is the reason why I did so poorly in math during high school but, I mean...

Who could possibly focus with that going on in the background?

I still remember being heartbroken when Andy left the original Late Night show, and how elated I was to see him come back for The Tonight Show.

And as for that debacle, well...let’s just say that was my entire sophomore year of college and I even wrote a term paper about it. I am not kidding. 

Anyway! I’ve been a Conan fan forever. I have a Late Night shot glass, a Tonight Show T-Shirt, the OG I’m With Coco shirt from back in 2010, and I went to the very first Legally Prohibited from Being Funny On Television Tour show because, lucky for me, it was held in Eugene, Oregon. I mean, major tours almost never stop within driving distance of me, but oh man. I still have merch from that tour, but they’re a bit beat up now (my Team Coco bottle opener has long since lost all its orange lettering so it’s just a plain black bottle opener now) but still. 

Fun fact: for roughly half a second you can see actual human me in the Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop documentary waiting outside of the Hult Center. That ticket was the best money I, as a broke college student with exactly zero dollars to spare, ever spent.

Anyway: big Conan fan. Cried when he ended his show on TBS but I listen to Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend every day during my morning commute. 

But enough about Conan.

Let’s talk about the Queen herself: Sona Movsesian.

Sona has been part of some of the best bits of Conan’s TBS show and on his podcast. If you haven’t seen some of the bits they’ve done together, I highly suggest you stop reading now and watch a few. Or just leave this page altogether, watch the Conan Without Borders they did in Armenia. 

As you can see from some of the bits they do together, Conan and Sona exist as foils for one another: Conan is the anxious, highly-strung workaholic, and Sona is the chill assistant who shrugs and goes “eh” and figures everything will work out fine in the end. Hilarity inevitably ensues. Throw in Matt Gourley, the podcast producer who exists somewhere in the middle ground between Conan and Sona, and you’ve got one of the top 50 podcasts ever! 

At number 46. 

Honestly, my favorite bits of the podcast are when the trio of Conan, Sona and Matt just BS amongst themselves. Together, the three of them are absolutely hilarious. I’ve always found Conan to be at his most hilarious to be when he’s interacting with others, and Sona and Gourley are perfect foils. Also, listening to them just reminds me so much of me and my siblings talking together - where we’ll banter and rag on each other and make sure one is taken down a peg when they need to be, just as Sona, Conan and Gourley interact with one another. And it’s never mean, either, it’s in that way that you see with siblings - everyone cares about each other, but by God they will poke fun when there is fun to be poked. 

Fun to be poked? Sounds disgusting, but whatever. At least I’m writing and not sitting around for eight months going “...yeah, I’ll write another post later...”

What was I talking about?

Oh, right, The World’s Worst Assistant!

Sona’s memoir isn’t just a book about being a terrible assistant. It’s a manifesto against the shitty working conditions lower-level employees face on a daily basis. Sona encourages her readers not to take shit - she uses a pretty apt Human Centipede metaphor to describe how mistreatment in the workplace is often perpetuated: the lowest employees are treated like shit, they eventually get promoted and then they treat those below them like shit…shit rolls downhill, the abused always kick downwards, etc. etc. But, as Sona points out, the way to stop this cycle is to STOP TREATING PEOPLE LIKE SHIT. Employers, quit treating your employees like shit. Employees, quit taking your employers’ shit. It’s not worth it. And, if you’ve taken shit from your employer and got promoted? Don’t immediately start treating those below you like shit. 

Reviewer, you probably aren’t asking, do you have to keep using the word shit? 

Yes. Yes I do. If you don’t like it you can leave. 

Wait, no, don’t leave! How else will I get people to read this dumb review blog? No! Come back! 

Aside from her hilarious, but very, very real take on how bosses often abuse their power when it comes to the staff who work below them, Sona also details the best ways for an assistant to get away with doing as little as possible. As someone who has worked their fair share of admin jobs (my boss referred to me the other day as their “assistant” and I was like...fair...) I am definitely familiar with some of Sona’s methods, but some are just next level. Being able to pull off a nap at work? That is the absolute dream. Alas, my current workplace has no sofas to crash on. Also I don’t believe in sleeping during the day, nighttime is for sleep, sleeping during the day wastes daylight hours that could be spent toiling in the fields. Sorry, my ancestors were all dirt farmers and I’m convinced that this is the reason why I don’t like napping during the day. But having spent so many years having to be up at, like, 4 AM to get to work on time, sometimes you need a nap around noon so you don’t fall asleep during the drive home. Someday I hope to use Sona’s nap-during-work-hours secret. Someday.

If you think that these methods are a sure way to get fired, don’t worry! Sona has a solution for that. She details all the ways you can make yourself indispensable at work while also gathering up all the things you need to make yourself unfireable. Is unfireable a word? There’s no red underline on in my google doc, so it is now. We lowly admin types are often under-paid and neglected, but, as Sona reminds us, our power lies in the fact that we know everything. Credit card numbers, where the good office supplies are kept, all the passwords, everybody’s schedule...of course, we’d never actually use any of this as a weapon, but sometimes it helps to hint that we could. Maybe. 

In all, The World’s Worst Assistant was an absolute joy to read. Sona’s writing is uproariously funny and her stories are incredibly relatable, especially if you (like me) have ever been an admin or someone’s assistant. The only criticism I can think of is that if you come into this book blind, you will have no idea what is going on. You have to be familiar with Conan O’Brien, his shows and his podcast to know a lot of what Sona is talking about - as a lifelong fan, I loved it. However, if you are like “Conan O’Who now?” then you’re probably not going to be too geared up to read a book by his assistant, even if it is one of the funniest books I’ve read in a long time. 

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of Conan O’Brien needs a friend, anyone who has ever worked as an assistant or any sort of admin position, anyone who has ever worked in or wanted to work in entertainment.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: people who have never watched Conan, people with no sense of humor, bosses, people who inherited all the money and have never had to work a day in their life, people who have ever even thought the phrase “Jay Leno is funny”, people who have something against fun and joy.

RELEASE DATE: July 19, 2022

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED TEAM SONA RATING: 500,000,000,000 / 5

NUMBER OF TIMES I SPAT OUT MY DRINK LAUGHING WHILE READING THIS BOOK: 8

WHAT THIS REVIEW BLOG REALLY IS:

OBLIGATORY PODCAST REFERENCE:

KEDAKAI!

AS GOD MADE HER.

[koraesdoodles]

I posted 190 times in 2022

That's 138 more posts than 2021!

106 posts created (56%)

84 posts reblogged (44%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@koraesdoodles

@unearthlyfromage

@gobblewanker

@starprincess4

@mother-ofthe-universe

I tagged 173 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#gravity falls - 97 posts

#stanley pines - 79 posts

#stanford pines - 79 posts

#practice makes progress - 72 posts

#stan twins - 47 posts

#gravity falls fanart - 46 posts

#other people's much better art - 31 posts

#ford pines - 19 posts

#stan and ford pines - 19 posts

#stan pines - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 105 characters

#i'm like the dweeb at the middle school lunch table hoping you all don't kick me out since i don't belong

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Heavily inspired/redraw of this: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/51228514500114889/ 

EDIT: @eregyrn-falls and  @hkthatgffan found the original for me! Thank you! https://sleepyharpseal.tumblr.com/post/157619413269

84 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#4

@forduary Week 4: Hug it out

The first time Ford found Stan curled up on his bed with the blanket pulled over his head they’d been six years old. Stan had gotten into the new books Ford had received for Christmas and accidentally spilled paint all over them. Ford was furious, and didn’t talk to Stan for three days. Then he’d walked into their room and found Stan in a ball sobbing his little eyes out. 

Ford sat on the bed hesitantly, looking at the floor while his brother pretended that he didn’t know Ford was there. Eventually, Stan peeked over the blanket and Ford began to talk. 

“I’m still mad.” 

“-- I didn’t -- !” 

“I’m still mad.” He reached out hesitantly then abandoned caution and threw his arms around his brother. “I really liked those books.” To his horror, tears started to roll down Ford’s cheeks. Hiccup’s caught his breath and it felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I can be mad!” Stan held him while he cried. 

Ford forgave him a day later. 

When they were ten, Stan came home sunburnt and angry. Ford had spent the day working on a new project, and didn’t realize why Stan was giving him the cold shoulder until he glanced at the clock. 

“Oh my gosh, Stan I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize it was so late I --” 

“Whatever, Poindexter.” 

“No, I mean it! Did you go to the fair? Did you see any clowns?”

“Leave me alone.” 

“Stan --” 

“Just do your stupid science and leave me alone, Stanford!” Stan shoved his brother out of the way and slammed the door to their room, leaving Ford in the hallway, feeling like a jerk. 

He apologized again that night. Stan said he forgave him. But it wasn’t until a week later that he actually started acting normal again. 

Ford held grudges. When someone wronged him, they were on his black list for life. Crampelter grew up and lived a good life, but Ford never forgave him for his childish bullying. Carla McCorkle would never earn his forgiveness after taking his brother on a date that resulted in Stan getting a black eye and being grounded from the Stan o’ War for three weeks (he never did get Stan to tell him exactly what had happened, but Stan got in trouble enough without some girl making things even more difficult). When someone did him wrong, Ford wasn’t one to immediately jump to forgiveness. 

But he always forgave Stan. When Stan lied to him about taking their Pa’s gold chain, Ford forgave him. When Stan stole Ford’s math homework in sixth grade and copied it, Ford forgave him and even let him copy his other assignments (Pa wouldn’t get as mad at Stan if he got better grades, so he figured it was good for both of them). Ford even forgave Stan’s lackluster excitement when Ford was offered the chance to go to his dream school. 

And he would have forgiven Stan after the science fair. He would have, if Stan hadn’t left (been kicked out, but he didn’t have to leave forever. He could have stayed around, explained himself, something, instead of just leaving Ford behind with nothing). 

But Ford deserved to be mad! Stan had wrecked things too many times. He was allowed to be mad about this. That didn’t mean he was going to freeze his brother out forever, he just . . . needed some time. 

Stan didn’t hold grudges. He forgave easily and fast. But he let the pain linger. He held onto it like it was proof that whatever bad things happened to him were proof of an unfair universe that was out to get him. It wasn’t his fault that his dad was unfairly hard on him, or that he wasn’t as smart as his brother, or that the machine broke after a single punch to the table. It wasn’t his fault that he needed to steal to eat and that the supplies he was able to aquire built crummy vacuumes and worse bandages. 

He just needed a chance, but nobody was willing to give him one. 

It was a perfect storm. And things didn’t get better when they reunited ten years later, and there was no quick forgiveness when Ford stepped out of the portal thirty years after that. Too much had happened, and maybe Ford needed more time or maybe he’d just gotten so used to being upset that he didn’t spare any thought into fixing things. And Stan was willing, waiting to forgive his brother, but couldn’t stand that things had gone wrong for him again. It wasn’t until later that they realized something had to change. And by then, it was almost too late. 

Ford walked into his brother’s room three days after they’d defeated Bill. It was the first thing he did every morning, since Stan tended to sleep in and Ford tried to avoid sleeping altogether. Ford liked having breakfast with the whole family, and he couldn’t do that if his brother insisted on staying in bed all day. 

Ford also didn’t like being away from his twin for long periods of time. He’d spent thirty years holding a grudge against his brother, but he never imagined Stan actually being gone. Stan was always safe, which Ford most definitely wasn’t. He’d gone through the stages multiple times over the decades, forgiving Stan and then being angry at him all over again. But when his brother stared at him with those blank eyes, having no recollection of who he was or what had happened, Ford felt a fear that he’d never before experienced. He’d wanted to grab Stan and shake him, force him to come back to him. He could deal with being apart from his brother, he could deal with being angry at his brother, but he could not deal his brother being gone. He could not handle a brother that didn’t know him, who had sacrificed everything in order to save Ford despite everything. 

It felt like if he let Stan out of his sight for too long, then his brother would revert back to that state. He knew it was illogical, but it didn’t matter. He woke his brother up every morning anyway. 

Stan was curled up in a ball under the blankets. Ford went to shake his shoulder but found that Stan was already shaking. 

“Stanley?” Ford’s voice made Stan jolt.

“Morning already?” Stan’s voice was more gruff than usual, though he was clearly trying to sound normal. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be? Now go away, I don’t have on any pants.” 

See the full post

86 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

#3

FINISHED! Late but here. Stanuary Week 2: Identity

96 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

#2

Okay, okay, last one, I swear. I couldn’t let an AU week go by without including @artsymeeshee ‘s adorable Chibi Stan! 

@forduary week 3: AU

124 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Whoops I made a chibi!stan 😆

I was looking at poses and came across this super cute one of a person with this little shoulder angel and I thought to myself: oh yeah, I bet I can make this worse.

Stan is not as excited as his brother, but Joke's on Ford when he starts worrying about his brother getting kidnapped and eaten by seagulls, or that he'll wake up in a coffee-needing haze and accidentally step on his mini-bro.

Chibi!stan belongs to @artsymeeshee

124 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[threegoblinart]

Your art is amazing!!! The style is sooo pretty. How long does it usually take to finish one piece? And what are some tips for a beginner artist?

Hi friend! Thank you so much, you're just lovely. ❤️

At the moment I'd say a real finished painting can be 8-12 hours of work easily when you factor in sketch thumbnails, practicing tricky things and doing more than one draft.

My Willow at the Window was probably 12 hours because I had to reteach myself so perspective stuff I haven't done for 15+ years since set design class in college.

The drawing I posted today is already 5-6 sketches in my notebook and one previous first attempt with watercolor.

All this time is often over weeks - I work full time, have kids and we have a stupid number of hobbies, lessons, so I draw and paint in little snatches of time here and there.... Frequently at around 11 o'clock at night.

Advice... Oh, settle in and let the Art Mom tell you a tale... No, just kidding. I could regurgitate the usual junk (okay it's not junk and very valid, good advice like - yes you have to practice, use references, invest in quality materials whenever you can, explore different mediums until you find your thing, etc.). But instead I'm going to say this...

Remember two things:

1) art should be something you do because it makes you happy

and

2) remember you're an artist no matter what and be fucking proud of that

About point one, at the end of the day making art should make you happy... So that will mean different things to different people some people can find joy being considered a professional in their field, having art be their source of income and some will not. And that's okay.

I learned this the hard way. I tried to be a professional in my field (theatre) and for a while it was great, but I burned out quickly and realized that tying my livelihood to my art did not make me happy. I did not fail, I learned where my boundaries are to be happy, healthy and creative. So now I draw just for fun, sometimes do small commissions for friends, etc. Maybe one day I'll try to do more (I do have goals, I'd love to do more commissions, have my art in a book, have a small print store), but right now drawing my DND characters and fanart and silly little mushroom houses makes me happy and that's enough. Our worth as artists is not determined by sales or contracts or likes or followers, that's a bunch of consumerist, capitalist bullshit and your art and you are inherently worth more than that.

About point two... You're amazing, yep you, and you're an artist. Art is simply the expression of creativity and imagination and inspiration. It doesn't matter if your art is something on chapel ceilings or the back of your maths notebook - it doesn't matter if it's entirely original (I ❤️ fanart and guess what that stuff on the chapel ceiling is just religious fanart). Are you doing something creative, imaginative or inspired - congrats you're an artist (que Newsies "We're a union just by saying soooo!!!") And there are no other qualifiers based on skill or ability.

Whatever you create is something only you can do.

While it's absolutely fine to work on improvement and goals - it is good to study others work and take classes and learn and seek to improve - be proud of what you're making no matter what because you made it and that alone is amazing!

I learned this the hard way... I stopped drawing for 10 years, and only started again 3 years ago (I'm, ahem, not super young) and I'm still learning to take this to heart. I struggle with comparison and self worth as an artist still, it's not a light switch I can turn off but something I work at (and take medication for - stupid insufficient brain chemistry).

Comparison does nothing but rob you of joy. Be proud of what you can do right now. Be proud of what you could make last week or last year or when you were 6. Be inspired by others, but only compare you to you - that way you only see your improvement and surround yourself with people who will hype you up no matter where you are in skill and ability.

... but also, like, practice ... a lot.

P.S. as bonus these pictures are one of the first things I drew three years ago when I finally said "fuck it I'm going to draw again" and my most recent quick sketch. They both are different in skill and ability, but I'm proud of both.

[wellpresseddaisy]

A Very Picken Christmas

Most of my family at this point knows about my slight obsession with all things Mary Brooks Picken. Just a small one. I'm not at all the person in any sewing forum who's all "Can I tell you about Mary Brooks Picken and the Women's Institute person who just wants to learn to sew a tote bag?" while vibrating in a somewhat concerning manner.

That's absolutely not me.

I did, however, have A Very Picken Christmas. I've been asking for a Picken square for a little while now, and what to my wondering eyes did appear but 26 inches of plastic L-square.

This is the reproduction by LACIS. The original was a very cheerful green and metal.

One of the benefits of this particular square is the measurement scales that are included. If you draft your own patterns, you sometimes need to find 1/5 or 1/6 of a particular measurement, which can be a pain. Mary's got your back from the great beyond.

Fifths are printed on the inside edge. So, instead of doing the math, you just find, I don't know...13, on the scale of fifths and that gives you a point or line that's 1/5 of 13. You can do the same with halves, thirds, quarters, sixths, sevenths, and eighths.

It's pretty nifty.

With that came the book on drafting and flat pattern design.

(not pictured: the hedgehog of post it flags sticking out the top)

It covers pretty much everything you might want.

I also got myself a Picken gauge. These aren't being reproduced as a finished item, so I was pretty pleased I could get my hands on one.

That's the color the square used to come in. Brilliant on the Women's Institute part, because unlike a little modern silvertone gauge, I shouldn't lose this one on my sewing space floor.

[sluttywonwoo]

study buddies || k.mg x reader

Pairing: frat!mingyu x fem reader 

Summary: studying for midterms with the guy you’re hooking up with goes exactly how you’d expect

Warnings: swearing, light smut (18+)

Word Count: 1.6k

a/n: reworked this old blurb originally posted on my tom holland fic account ( @wazzupmrstark ) for my gf’s birthday :)) happy birthday @hotgirlmingyu

Masterlist

You woke up to banging on your apartment door. Groaning, you rolled over to check your phone and saw that it was six am. You pushed yourself up and out of bed and padded into the kitchen to answer the door. You were surprised the relentless knocking hadn’t woken up your roommate, but she was a pretty heavy sleeper.

You yanked the door open to see Mingyu with a handful of textbooks. You squinted at him in confusion, wondering if you were seeing things. Mingyu had never been to your place before, you didn’t even know he knew where you lived.

His appearance startled you a bit. His hair was messy where it was usually slicked back or styled and he was wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. You didn’t think you’d ever seen him in anything other than khakis and a douchey printed shirt.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, rubbing your eyes.

He frowned. “You said we should study for midterms together.”

You thought back to the last time you’d seen Mingyu. You couldn’t remember saying anything like that.

“Was I drunk?”

“Probably.”

“So why are you here?”

“To study. You agreed that we could help each other out.”

“Mingyu, I don’t even remember agreeing to that.”

“Well I’m already here,” he said and pushed past you into your apartment.

“Seriously? It’s Saturday.”

“Yeah, and midterms are next week.”

“Couldn’t you have waited until the sun was up?” you grumbled, mostly to yourself and shut the door behind him.

“We’ve got a lot of material to cover.”

You cursed under your breath as you watched him set up at your kitchen table, knowing you should probably study even though you desperately wanted to go back to bed.

You and Mingyu had met at a party at his fraternity and woke up the next morning tangled in the sheets of his bed. To say it was awkward would have been an understatement. You didn’t think you’d ever see him again, but to your horror, you saw him in your stats lecture on Monday and your mythology class on Thursday. This was a pretty big university. Why did the same asshole have to be in two of your classes?

As much as it annoyed you, you couldn’t stop thinking about Mingyu, and apparently, he was having a similar dilemma because every time you went out he seemed to be there, and every time you hooked up.

That was the extent of your relationship, though. You didn’t even speak to each other in class or at parties. The only time you talked was behind closed doors when one or both of you was naked. Even then you kept your guard up because you refused to let yourself fall for a frat boy with commitment issues who never wanted to be seen with the same girl twice. A boy who wouldn’t even talk to you in public.

But you couldn’t ignore the way your heart fluttered when he said your name as he was about to cum, or the way his lips felt against yours. He could be a total dick, but you’d also seen a softer side of him that he didn’t show many people. You forced yourself to forget about that side. It was easier that way.

“Okay, what are we starting with?” you asked with a sigh.

“We have the stats exam first, we should work on that.”

You made a face. Statistics was the harder out of the two for you. In fact, it was the hardest class you were taking this semester.

“I can’t believe I’m doing math before seven am.”

“You won’t be complaining when you ace the midterm,” he quipped, already working on a practice worksheet.

You watched him solve problems like he was checking items off a list. You knew he was good at statistics, but you didn’t know he was that good. Figures, a guy like him was good at pretty much everything. Everything except mythology apparently, because once you’d switched to that he was flustered and frustrated. You would quiz him on myths only for him to get every single question wrong.

“Mingyu, did you even read any of these?” you asked, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Yes, y/n, I read every one. How do you think I passed all the reading quizzes?”

“Cheating?” it slipped out before you could stop it and Mingyu gave you a hard glare. You held up your hands defensively. “Just a joke.”

“I don’t think it was.” He licked his lips. “But for what it’s worth I read them all. I just can’t keep them straight.”

You sighed. You felt bad, but you were getting frustrated too. And not just because Mingyu wasn’t grasping the myths. This was the longest you’d ever spent together (at least while you were awake) and you hadn’t even had sex. He just smelled so nice and looked so cute when he was concentrating that you couldn’t help feeling a little impatient. You had been at it for hours, you thought you would’ve done it at least once by now. But Mingyu was more serious about studying than you thought. It was kind of admirable and kind of annoying.

“Okay well reread through the Egyptian myths and I’ll quiz you again.”

“Alright.”

He pulled out his reading packet and flipped to the section you took out your phone and scrolled through social media mindlessly as he read, but it quickly got boring. You wished Mingyu would take a break so he could rail you. He was still reading intently, but you figured a little distraction couldn’t hurt.

You started by taking your hair down from your bun and shaking it out so that it fell around your shoulders. You knew your shampoo drove Mingyu crazy and hoped it would have an effect on him today. He shifted his seat, but didn’t look up from the packet. Next, you leaned over and rested your head on his shoulder. You’d never done something so domestic like this with Mingyu, but it seemed to work because he cleared his throat and adjusted his sweatpants.

“You know you could be working on math.”

You shrugged. “We already did stats for hours today. I think I’ll jump off a bridge if I look at one more differential equation.”

He fell silent and tried focusing back onto the reading, but you moved your hand to his thigh and kept it there as you continued to through twitter, not even reading what was on your screen.

“Stop that,” Mingyu muttered, making you jump a little.

“Why?”

“Fuck, because you’re distracting me. You look too hot right now.”

“I’m wearing pajamas.”

“I really don’t care. You still look hot and I’m trying not to fuck you senseless right now.”

“Well what’s stopping you?” you asked lowly and nipped at his ear.

“Need to finish this,” he replied through gritted teeth.

“I can’t convince you to take a break?” You moved the hand on his leg up so that you were cupping him over his pants.

He shook his head. “After.”

You leaned over and kissed his neck, then his jaw, and felt him get hard under your hand. “If I have to stop what I’m doing you won’t be able to walk for the next week.”

“That sounds like more of a motivator than a deterrent,” you admitted. “I’ll suck you off,” you offered and hooked your thumb in the waistband of his sweats, trying to bribe him.

“If you let me finish I’ll eat you out,” he countered.

You straightened up. It sounded like a pretty good deal.

“Fine.”

A few minutes passed in silence and you were waiting patiently, typing up a rough draft of an essay you had due for another class when Mingyu groaned.

“What?” you asked, wondering if he needed help.

“Can you please stop that?”

“Stop what? I’m literally doing nothing.” You were genuinely confused now.

“Just- I don’t know you’re making it so hard to concentrate.”

“Am I making it hard?” You smirked.

“Very funny.”

“Would it help if I put a paper bag over my head?”

“Probably.”

“Come on, keep reading about Osiris.”

“I don’t want to read about Osiris anymore, he’s a dick.”

“The faster you finish the faster you can get off.”

“I thought you didn’t want to wait,” Mingyu pointed out, trying to deflect.

“I think I recall something about you going down on me if I let you finish reading.”

“Fine,” he grumbled, but didn’t turn back to the book. Instead, he continued to gaze at you with those big brown eyes. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“What?” You felt your cheeks get warm.

“I just really want to kiss you right now.”

You smiled and raised your chin, challenging him. “Then do it.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. You closed your eyes and kissed him back, savoring the moment.

When you pulled away, Mingyu’s eyes were dark with want and you could see that he was now fully hard in his sweatpants.

“How about I eat you out now anyway?” He suggested, leaning forward to kiss your neck.

You moaned and brought your hands to his hair.

“You trying to bribe me?”

“Is it working?”

“Fuck yeah.”

Mingyu stood and picked you up from your chair. You wrapped your legs around his waist again. He pulled on your bottom lip with his teeth and smirked.

“Promise you’ll finish studying after?” you asked.

He considered it. “Does what we’re about to do count as studying mythology? Because it’s going to be legendary.”

You scrunched up your face in distaste. “No, I take it back. Put me down.”

Mingyu grinned. “Hey! You know no ones gives it to you as good as I do.”

“That confident are you?”

His grin turned into a smirk. “Is that a challenge?”

lmk what you think i always appreciated feedback!!

forever tags: @haven-cove

shoot me an ask to be added/removed from my taglist

[tatiana-petrovna]

Come Away To the Water. Book VII

(read book I here) (book II here) (book III here) (book IV here) & (book V here) & (book VI here)

Come away little light, come away to the darkness To the ones appointed to see it through In the shade of the night we’ll come looking for you Come away little lamb come away to the water Come away little lamb come away to the slaughter Give yourself so we might live anew

fandom: midnight mass pairing: Father Paul x 2nd person OFC (Helena Belleforest) summary: “That’s my job. To know the people in my community.” “You mean the sheep in your flock.” “Especially the little black ones that like to wander off.” His voice is so tender. You wonder if Jesus spoke with this same tenderness. You think, if he did, you would’ve defied Rome for him too. warning: nsft (18+ interaction only)

(playlist) a/n: hey I posted some sheriff smut you should go read it :P taglist: @shannon-posts @seraphiiii @witchy–owl @allergic-to-reality @viatenebrosa @lucie-pevensie @wolfieellsworld @midnight-mess @plainlo-inthemorning @goingtoraisins (if I missed anyone just lmk I’m so sorry if I did!)

“You know you’re describing a vampire, right?” The shock has worn off and you’re just now starting to feel rational thought burgeoning in your mind again. Sitting next to Paul in a little kebab joint in Queens, you reach for the fountain root beer you’d ordered and take a sip. You’d desperately needed to get off the island, if only to come up for air. Thankfully, Paul had been so grateful you were still beside him after his secret had come out, he’d been happy to grant you any request.

Beside you in the booth seat, he chuckles softly and sips his mint tea.

“How familiar are you with vampire lore?”

“Very.” You respond, confident with your knowledge in this arena. Your bookshelves are overflowing with mythology from every corner of the globe. But vampires are kind of your thing. The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice became your favorite book at age 12 and you’ve been obsessed with anything lacking a pulse ever since.

“So, you can tell me about the first vampire legend in recorded history?” He seems a little too amused and you have to wonder what’s up his sleeve. Still, you bite.

“Sekhmet. Badass warrior.” The grin on your face practically glows in your eyes. “She was said to drink the blood of those she slayed in battle. She was worshipped as a goddess because, as the story goes, her blood could heal those she gave it to. Even the fallen soldiers who fought under her command. Like them, she would always rise again after she was slain.”

He gives you a nod of approval, a twinge of pride in his smirk.

“Are there things you don’t know?”

“I mean don’t ask me to like… divide.”

You shrug, laughing softly at your inability to perform even basic math. “I dunno, we’re always discussing religion and mythology and stuff. That’s me. That’s who I am. If we talked about… how to change a flat tire or build a good stock portfolio, I promise I'd sound a lot less nerdy.”

“You’re not nerdy.” Swaying into you, his shoulder bumps your own gently.

“I am.” You snort, “But so are you so I don’t cry about it to my therapist anymore.”

Paul rolls his eyes, then steals a piece of chicken off your plate.

“Sekhmet.” He drags you out of your ADD and back to the conversation at hand. You think, he’d make a very good university professor with his ability to guide conversations. But maybe that’s just you enjoying the thought of getting him alone during office hours. “Do you remember where that myth originated?”

“Egypt.” You shrug. Too easy.

“And her lineage?”

“Uh…” It takes a moment for you to remember this particular detail. Then, suddenly, it occurs to you why. Because she had claimed none. At least not a mortal lineage. “She said her father sent her, the…”

Realization dawns on your face and Paul nods somberly.

“The sun god, Ra. King of the Egyptian pantheon. Father of all creation. He sent her to earth to cleanse it of those who offended him with sin. But he could not bring himself to look upon these horrors with his own eyes. So he allowed Sekhmet to walk only at night.”

“So you think she was an angel too?”

“You don’t?”

It's tough to argue his logic when he’s got you resolving your own questions and finding his answers lying at the bottom of each rabbit hole. “So we… met angels. But we didn’t realize they were angels. And we called them vampires? Thinking we were classifying a species of monster. When in reality…”

“In reality, these were messengers of God.”

“Hmm…” Tugging off the plastic cover of your cup, you shake a piece of ice free and pop it into your mouth. Turn it over with your tongue while your thoughts swirl around.

“It’s a lot, I know.” He offers, sensing the weight of everything you thought you knew being rearranged. His hand finds your upper spine and flattens there, rubbing in slow circles to comfort you. “If you think about it though… it makes some sense. Take this, all of you, and drink from it: this is the cup of my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. It will be shed for you and for all so that sins may be forgiven. Do this in memory of me. You know the Consecration as well as I do, I’m sure, I mean… it sounds pretty self explanatory.”

“I’m sorry,” Turning to him wide eyed, it takes some effort not to choke on your ice. “Now you’re saying Jesus was a vampire?”

Paul’s head tips to the side, eyeing you almost as if disappointed. But his voice remains as gentle and patient as ever.

“And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead?”

Sighing sharply, you shift enough to lean against his side. You like the way his arm wraps across your shoulders like he was carved to fit around you. The way his long fingers play gently through your curls.

“Fine, Jesus was a vampire.” You concede, rubbing at your tired eyes. A deep yawn quickly follows and you decide you’re ready to clock out of theology class for the night. As if he can feel your fatigue himself, Paul gives in to a yawn of his own and drops a soft kiss to your head.

“We’ve probably missed the Belle, you know.”

“Well, we’ll just have to sleep in this booth then.” You close your eyes as if you’re truly resolved. But you’re forced to open them as his body shakes with a deep chuckle before he moves to stand.

“Not a chance.” Moving to toss his paper plate out and yours, Paul offers you his hand a moment later. “I may not have the body of an eighty-year old man any longer, but I still don’t think my back could take that.”

Smirking softly, you pull your coat on and clasp his hand firmly with yours.

"Is that an invitation to test out what your new, younger back can take?"

He eyes you dangerously and you giggle, knowing you're being bad and enjoying every second of it. You like even more the way this feels. Just walking around the city hand in hand with him. No priestly collar tonight, just a t shirt and a hoodie over slim fit jeans to cover his tall frame. No nosy islanders, just the lights of NYC and the pools of shadow in between. Almost like you're both normal. Almost like this could be yours. Like really yours. It makes a favorite song of yours surface in your mind.

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you

Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

“Alright, alright. Let’s do something fun though.” Your big eyes sparkle as the possibilities run through your mind. “Wanna get a room at the Waldorf and sneak into the pool?”

“Um...The archdiocese doesn’t really pay in that tax bracket, so...” He reminds you with a pointed look.

“Okay,” You roll your eyes at his adorable but antiquated assumption that he’s expected to pay. “Well, I don’t like to throw this around on the Island of Lost Toys, but daddy did alright for himself on Wall Street after he escaped Crockett, so. If I wanna stay at the Waldorf, that’s what I’m gunna do.”

Brows lifting, he looks you over. Amusement twitching at the corners of his mouth, he shakes his head more at himself than at you, knowing he’s resolved to follow anywhere you lead.

“Spoiled little princess.”

“And here I was ready to invite you along with me.” Flashing him a cheeky smile over your shoulder, you lean into the street and hail for a cab.

“I’m still coming with you. Even if you make me sleep in the bathtub. I’m not letting you wander around New York City alone at night.”

“Don’t be silly, Paul. We both know you would never fit in a hotel bathtub. Not even at the Waldorf.”

~~~

“This is a bad idea.” He glances around nervously, holding a towel from the room in his hands.

You want to call him out for thinking he has the right to adjourn over what is and isn’t a bad idea after bringing a demon-angel back to Crockett Island from the Holy Land. But you decide to let it go for now.

“It was a $300 cash tip, Paul. The security guy is not gunna fuck us over. Relax, sweetheart.” Leaning up on your toes, you brush a kiss to his jawline and flash him a smile.

Mike, the security guy you’d bribed to give you after hours pool access stands at the end of the fitness center's empty hallway.

“Only an hour or two. I’m off at 1am, so I need this back in time to wipe the drive.”

“Sir, yes sir.” You give Mike your best salute and he hands you the key card in exchange. “See you in an hour, captain.”

“Have fun.” He eyes Paul up as if he’s a bit jealous this is being wasted on a man who looks like he’s got a prescription medication for his allergy to fun. But that’s kind of the point. You can’t imagine your… - okay boyfriend seems not the right word… and you can’t call him your lover...well, whatever he is - you can’t imagine the last time he had some proper breaking and entering fun. If ever. It's not like any girls on Crockett are trouble in the way that you always have been.

The harsh fluorescent lights inside the pool room are off and you leave them that way. The kinder, golden lights embedded inside the pool walls seem more than enough.

Shedding your sweater and boots slowly, you let your eyes brush across the room to Paul. It occurs to you only in this moment why he’s really nervous about this entire thing. Sure, you’ve cuddled and you’ve kissed. But you’ve never undressed for each other. His hoodie falls to a nearby lounge chair. Then his t shirt. You don’t even try to hide your eyes caressing every inch of his smooth, pale skin.

His shoulders are even broader than you’d realized. Arms and ribs defined in more a way than they have any right to be. You brush your jeans down and kick them away, eyes never leaving his body. Slowly padding backwards towards the pool, you can’t help but pause by the railing, still drinking him in.

“You’re really fucking beautiful…” The words are a whisper on your lips, and barely that.

Brows rising in surprise, you watch him chuckle as if you’re telling a bad joke. Carefully, he pads over to you, the growing bulge in his briefs impossible to hide. Caressing his fingertips along your cheek, then your neck, he stays quiet, waiting for the follow up. For the boot to drop. When you stay silent, he shakes his head a bit and his chest caves slightly like he’s reeling from the effort it takes to let your words sink in.

“That can’t be all you have to say right now.” Wetting his lips, the back of his fingertips grazes slowly along your collarbone, like ice skates on a winter pond. “Please say something else.”

“Like what…?” You try not to laugh, but it’s impossible. Slowly, you step backwards down into the pool. Thankfully, Mike had turned the heat on and the water is blissfully warm against the cool skin of your legs. Taking his hand, you pull gently, refusing to move unless he follows.

He bites his lip hard, glancing over your shoulder like he’s searching for his resolve in the deep end.

“Helena…”

Pulling him down into a kiss, you lose your balance as his weight falls against yours. For a few long moments the whole world is nothing but hot water and his creamy skin and your mouths moving together. Around you, your hair floats like a halo and his legs brush your own as you both roll, kicking to the surface. If there is a heaven, you refuse to believe it could be better than this.

Before he can say much, you’re swimming forward. Standing in the shallows feels anything but romantic when he’s as tall as he is.

“You know we don’t have to, love.” You call back to him as you surface by one of the lights in the deep end. Soaking wet, your skin and hair glow in the golden halo of it. Thinking he’s several yards behind, you focus on brushing the hair out of your face. “We can just”-

Suddenly he’s got a grip on your arm and turns you around to face him. With the water only 6’ deep, he’s able to stand here easily and pin you to the wall while his mouth catches your own.

Whimpering softly, your body trembles in surprise and it takes a second before you’ve recovered enough to react. Snaking your legs around his waist, you wrap one arm securely around his neck and cling like he’s a liferaft. Your mouth tips to the side, deepening the kiss. Fingers brushing up into his wet hair.

Tongue caressing yours, Paul lets his hands wander. Feels along the smooth skin of your thighs. Traces his thumbs across the crest of your ribs, smoothing over each one as if counting to make sure each is accounted for.

The adrenaline hits you all at once as you feel him lift you and the rush of it makes you giggle softly, breathlessly. His own chuckle follows and, as you’re sat on the edge of the pool wall, he pulls you down into another soft kiss. Without a word, your panties are tugged down. Tossed aside, unnecessary.

For a moment, he just looks up at you. All big brown eyes brimming with wanting. A sort of silent understanding passes between you. That he’s never actually done this before. That he’ll need you to guide him. Nodding slowly, you shift your weight enough to rest one hand back against the cement. The other brushes into his hair, fisting gently as you slide a thigh over one of his broad shoulders.

The heat of his mouth finds your folds with ease and your stomach hitches in surprise. Head falling back, you let go of a soft groan, rolling your hips to meet his tongue as it explores through your folds. He catches the squeak of pleasure in your throat easily when he finds your clit. Savors the way you shudder as he tests the spot again.

“Mmmm...right there, baby… mmhmm… that’s so good…” Fingers tightening gently in his hair, you hold him in place so he’s sure of what you want.

Feeling the little bud spasm against the lashing of his tongue, he groans deep in his chest. His hands tighten around your thigh and your hip.

“Can you...put your mouth around it and just…ohhh…” Your eyes roll back hard as he sucks your clit between his lips as if on instinct, as if he knows your needs like his own. As if he can feel your body like you can feel his. Nails dragging firmly between his shoulder blades, you grind your hips lightly, desperate.

“So fucking good, baby...you’re so fucking good...yes…”

A growl rumbles in his throat from all your praise and you swear you can feel his toes curling against the pool floor. You’re so sure you can feel the blood rushing through his body, making him ache for you until it hurts.

Panting softly, you grip his shoulder hard as he brings you right to the edge. You have to cover your own mouth to muffle the scream as you shake hard in his hands. Everything bursts into dizzying spirals, like a thousand stars combusting inside of you. Across the whole universe. Maybe both all at once.

“Ohhhh…” Paul’s tongue laps eagerly through your cum, like a kitten tasting milk for the first time and it makes your aftershocks nearly ramp up into another full blown orgasm. Legs trembling, you gently nudge him back. Lean down to kiss him with a grin on your pretty mouth. “Hmm...good job, baby...thank you.”

Slowly you slide down into the pool again and wrap yourself around his body all over again. Curiously, you can no longer feel him hard against you.

“Did you…” Pulling back to find his eyes, you search him out. You’ve never met a man you could finish without even touching him. Granted… it’s very likely been decades for him. Gods, and then decades on top of that. As long as you’d imagined he’d been waiting, you realize now as the ‘restored by the blood of angels’ thing comes back to you, he’s actually been left lonely so much longer than that. A whole god damn lifetime.

Dark pink in his cheeks, he nods and dips his head to nudge your cheek with his nose.

“It’s the blood… I fed you some that night after you fainted. To heal you. But… it allows us to…”

“Feel each other?”

He nods again, almost sheepishly. Suddenly, a thought occurs to you and you can’t help the wicked grin it draws out.

“So if I were to stay up all night… thinking of you… touching myself…”

Head tipping back, Paul drags in a deep breath. Your nose wrinkles as you giggle in amusement.

“I imagine I would...be able to feel that too. Yes.” Kissing your forehead, you feel the tip of his nose nuzzling your skin as he shakes his head in disbelief at how relentless you are in your torture. “Thank you for putting that very sinful thought in my mind.”

“Yeah, but technically that’s not a sin. Right? Technically.”

“Technically, it’s a sin for me to even… think about you that way.”

“Oh. So, no confessing to my local priest about how good you are with your tongue then?” You give him an innocently questioning glance and it earns you a gentle swat to your backside.

“Don’t you dare come into my confessional, little girl.” Despite his words, Paul is laughing heartily at the thought. If you had any intention of behaving yourself, his attitude on the matter might be different. But you both know that you’d never walk into his church with holy intentions.

“Yes, father.” You tease him with a sigh across his neck, nipping the smooth skin there with your teeth. He has such a beautiful neck, it always takes every fiber of restraint in your body to ignore the constant impulse screaming at you to ravage the skin there with your tongue and teeth and lips.

“Good girl.” Groaning softly in response, Paul pushes away from the wall so he can just float with you. As he buries his nose in your skin. And you lose yourself in a daydream. A fantasy where things are completely different.

Where the pool is a Roman bath and the hotel is a palace and you're a princess who doesn't have to answer to anyone. Least of all, the islanders of a small fishing village. It's so easy to imagine, so clear in your mind... it almost feels like a past life.

[creweemmaeec11]

Scammer Story Time

I was going through my emails and realized I never shared this, so here I am. I hope this gives you a good laugh!

A while ago, I received this email:

Hello crewes_creations,

I've seen a lot of your beautiful pictures and I just wanted to let you know I think you're doing a great job with them.

I'd love to feature your beautiful pictures on my page, so my followers can see how good they are. My account is @Glamnexclusive and I have over 60000 followers and I know they are going to love your awesome images. After seeing your pictures some of them will also start following you.

Let me know if I can do this, because I know that if we do this, you can gain so many new followers.

May I show your photos to my followers?

Best Regards

Nancy from @Glamnexclusive

Now, Obviously, I knew this was a scam, but curiosity killed the cat and so... this was my response Email:

Nancy,

Okay so at first I was just going to ignore this, but the more I sat on it, the more curious I got. Honestly, I feel like I've got a pretty good chance that I'm just going to get the automated response that tells me how much it's going to cost me for you to repost my photos, and it's never going to pass in front of human eyes anyway, BUT...

Curiosity killed the cat.

Obviously, I know this is a scam. Unless you're going to try to convince me that the comments on the photos of the disabled children that say things like "omg your so hot," etc, (which are copy-pasted word for word on all the other model pictures, by the by,) are real comments, I know this is fake.

As I was browsing your photos, most of the model photos had accounts listed that didn't exist, so I can assume those are the filler photos of choice, which fits your list of "things we love" on the profile description, (none of said categories even fit my content, of which is digital art), but, I get it, models are a pretty safe bet on Instagram.

This did make the photos of those who did fall for this, however, stick out pretty clearly, and statistically, they are definitely in the minority.

And, based on a quick google search and Reddit browsing, I discovered your packages cost $35 for one shout out, $69 for 4 shout outs ($69? Really? There's no way you got to that number through any sort of valid math) and $139 for 10 shout outs.

Which, firstly; means it goes from $35 per shout-out, to $17.25 per shout-out, all the way down to $13.9 per shout out which, is quite an interestingly steep discount. Anyhoo, if we average that out I can guess you make about $22.05 dollars a post. And, in the past 24h as of writing this, you've made 6 posts, 4 of which link to real accounts.

Which I will admit is more than I was originally expecting, but...

Is the income that you and/or your team making actually able to sustain you?

Based on the IP address I extracted from your email, it seems you're located in Hammerbrooke, in Hamburg Germany. Assuming you take USD, $22 on 4 posts, a total of $108 USD converts to about $94 Euro.

Now, after a brief glimpse at the Instagram suggested pages, it's pretty clear based on profile photos alone that you also operate @fabneclusive, @deluxemstyle, and I would place bets on @glamn_luxurious as well.

Even considering all of that, $94x4 every day, the amount of work it takes to do and uphold what you are doing, not even considering the cost of upkeep itself, is this actually a business model that you and/or your team find any financial security in?

I mean, we are also obviously avoiding the entire topic of morals here altogether, (you scammed a charity for disabled kids... that's like, comic book villain levels, honestly, I can't think of any group/person that would be worse to scam...)

Regardless, what I think baffles me the most is just how easy this would be to do in a legit way. Simply having a page that has actual real followers, not bots, and supporting/reposting other Instagrams.

Pages that share things, especially like artists for instance, and popular. You could easily gain a real following, and charge artists for pro-mo that would actually benefit both parties.

Not only would you not be scamming anymore, but you would no longer have to be constantly changing your domain name, (which it appears you've done at least 4 times off of go.daddy alone)(also which, by the way, your site is listed as "coming soon" at the moment, and needs to be fixed) and I can almost guarantee you that you'd make a LOT more money because people would actually approach YOU asking to be featured, which, again, you could charge for just like you are doing now.

I obviously understand that getting to that point is the hard part, and it may seem much easier in the short term to not bother but...

Consider; what if you started a real account alongside your scams? You could nurture that account until you eventually dont need the scam pages anymore.

Because, while I obviously do think you guys are scum bags, I'm a realist, and I know that you have to do what puts food on the table, but...

Well, it's something to think about, at least.

Anyway, there's a good chance this email will never actually reach real human eyes, but in the case that it does:

Is this alone actually enough to sustain you?

Does what you do bother you at all?

How many years have you even been doing this? Because as far as I could trace back was when your domain was registered on April 21st, 2021, which doesn't predate the pandemic.

This begs the question, did the pandemic have anything to do with this?

Well, now I guess I'll just have to wait and see if I actually get any kind of response from this. It would be interesting.

Either way, I'm glad you like my art :)

- Crewes_creations

P.S, for whatever it's worth, I'm not a police officer or anything, and I'm far too lazy to actually go about taking any real action against you, as much as I may disagree with your practices. Nothing in this email is a threat.

Now, as I expected, I got the automated response, and I forgot to reply.

Now, however, I have replied with a copy-pasted version of my first response. I am curious as to how many replies it will take to get a human response and to see what it is. I'll update this post if I get a response!

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Rinse and Repeat

Whumptober Day 14: Beaten

(I know I keep saying this, but a sincere thank you to that one anon who ruined my Whumptober, I hope you piss the bed tonight <3 Okay so I know it's November but whatever, I plan to just keep slowly writing and posting all of the Whumptober fics I'd planned to do because I'm bitter and I get a kick out of civil disobedience. Also because a lot of these prompts are really fun so oh well.) (Also this isn't edited very much (or at all) because I no longer feel emotions lmao.)

Summary:

Soulmate AU where you bear the injuries of your soulmate. Dick knows that Wally is his soulmate but Wally doesn’t and Dick can’t tell him. Also they’re in middle school I think? Idk I didn’t think much of this through but from what I’ve gathered, Dick and Wally go to school together (in Gotham I guess? Dick is Robin so I assume they’d have to be in Gotham) but Wally isn’t Kid Flash (yet). You can tell I put very little thought into this au lmao.

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse

Dick can’t remember when exactly the injuries started appearing on his skin. Everyone has woken up at least once to a mysterious new bruise that they don’t remember receiving the day before. You think back, try to hypothesize the origin, but you never know for sure where it came from. It began a lot like that—a slow, sloping path from maybe? to I know. Soulmates are like that for almost everyone, according to every book, movie, and textbook out there. Dick does remember the first time he realized that the bruises blossoming on his arm were not his own. He ran to his mother at the foot of the trapeze that day, grinning madly as he showed her the fresh marks. They’d hurt when they first struck, but pressing on the bruises only produced a warm, tingly feeling. Their soulbond. Mommy, look! It’s my soulmate! Mary smiled and kissed the bruise on his wrist. Her eyes were bright with joy for her son. Wherever they are, she said, I hope your soulmate has a mommy to kiss their bruises too. Dick was extra careful on the trapeze that day. As much as he wanted to give his soulmate a mark of their own to reassure them that Dick was there, that he was real, he could never do that to them. He’d never met his soulmate, but already he was filled with a deep affection for them. He never wanted them to hurt. As Dick stands in front of his bathroom mirror now, watching bruises appear on his chest and sides like a twisted kaleidoscopic watercolor, not for the first time, Dick thinks, He doesn’t deserve this. Dick has experienced his fair share of well-deserved injuries in his short career as an acrobat and then as Robin, but Wally? He isn’t a crime-fighter or a martial artist. He isn’t deserving of the bruises or the broken bones or his good-for-nothing, scum-of-the-earth father.

Sometimes Dick selfishly lets himself wish that he and Wally weren’t bonded, just so Dick wouldn’t have to bear witness to the horror. Then he shuts that thought down in an instant because that would be a thousand times worse. Dick can’t keep the hurt from happening, but he can do this. He can play the part of distant observer, at least so Wally isn’t alone in his suffering. At least so someone else sees it, someone else knows what he’s going through. Something heavy pounds into Dick’s side just under the curve of his ribs, driving the breath from his lungs. Fuck, that’s going to leave a mark. It’s already blooming a terrible purple. Was that a fist? A boot? A belt? Whatever it was, Wally doesn’t deserve it. Dick can only imagine what set Wally’s father off this time. Couldn’t even bother to do the dishes like I said? This is what happens when ungrateful runts leave their science projects on the table. Only a ninety on your math test? What the hell am I sending you to school for if you’re just gonna fail? Or maybe Wally placed a glass down too hard. Maybe he was breathing too loudly. Maybe he was simply there. A toy for a monster child to take apart. A squirrel for a rabid dog to chew on. Wally doesn’t talk much about his mother, but Dick hates her all the same. No real mother would let her child go through this. Dick touches the bruise on his temple—the first mark of the night. What excuse will Wally use this time? He fell down the stairs? Tried out for the hockey team? Got jumped by some bullies after school and it’s fine, really, it doesn’t even hurt that bad, it was my own fault. Maybe he’ll say it was his soulmate’s injury. Dick wonders if Wally even feels it when Robin gets hurt on patrol, or if he’s already too hurt up to notice the additional pain. Dick tries to keep himself safe, even from a few bruises after a sore landing, because the thought of causing Wally any more pain than he already endures is unthinkable. Once Dick got clocked by a mugger and felt awful the next morning when Wally came to school with a dark, cloudy bruise on his cheek. Dick’s matching one was hidden under three layers of concealer, but seeing it on Wally’s face was more painful than any punch. Dick traces a featherlight finger across one of the worse bruises, this one stretching across his side and stopping at a point on his back. From being shoved against a countertop, the analytical portion of his brain provides. These will all be gone in two days—maybe even less, but Wally isn’t so lucky. Soulmarks fade faster than real marks. At least they can all be easily hidden under a t-shirt. Suddenly a sharp pain flares up Dick’s arm, making him stumble against the sink. He lets out a sharp hiss, grabbing instinctively for the invisible wound, but he couldn’t stop it if he wanted to. He doesn’t bleed and his skin doesn’t open, but a bright red scar appears on his bicep, at least two inches across. Fuck. Usually it’s not this bad. Wally’s dad must be in an especially bad mood tonight. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve this.

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Dick knocks on the window of Wally’s bedroom—six times, so Wally knows it’s him. The wait for the window to slide open takes longer than usual. Some nights Wally doesn’t answer at all, too ashamed to accept help and settling for licking his wounds in private. This is not one of those nights, thankfully. Wally unlocks the latch and pushes the window open. He keeps his face tilted down, shame darkening his features. The bedroom is dim but for the weak lamp on his nightstand. Dick can still see the few stray tears on Wally’s cheeks that neither he nor Dick will mention. “Hey,” Dick says. “You okay?” He tries not to stare at the painful-looking bruise on Wally’s face. He coated his own matching one in concealer before sneaking out of the manor. Wally just steps aside to let Dick climb into the room. He sits on the bed, wincing. An old dish towel is tied around his upper arm, shielding the wound from view. Dick slides the window shut behind him. He stands there in the middle of the floor, waiting for Wally to look at him. He doesn’t. “How bad is it?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer. He felt it. Wally shrugs. It’s a mistake; he hisses at the pull on his arm. “I came home ten minutes after curfew. My watch battery died.” He says it like it means nothing. Like he’s a normal kid and breaking curfew doesn’t mean you get broken too. Dick says nothing. There’s no point in reassurances. It wasn’t your fault. Your dad’s an asshole. You shouldn’t have to live with this. You don’t deserve this. Dick goes for the first-aid kit in Wally’s closet. “Take off your shirt,” he says. Wally doesn’t bother arguing. By the time Dick comes back over to the bed, Wally’s torso is bare, all of his injuries on display. Dick tries not to react as he dumps the ice packs from his backpack. He learned a long time ago that it’s better to bring ice packs with him, since going downstairs to the kitchen is too much of a risk with Wally’s father already a loose cannon. Dick directs Wally to hold the packs to the worse areas while Dick gently applies bruise ointment. Wally still winces. Words push at Dick’s mouth, phrases he would—should say as he patches Wally up for the second time this week. He should demand that Wally comes home with him, as far away from his father as he can get. He should beg Wally to tell someone—a teacher, a police officer, his aunt and uncle, someone. Every time this happens, Dick is reminded again that he is as much a villain in this as Rudolph West, simply because he keeps his mouth shut at Wally’s request. Doesn’t that make him an accomplice? Doesn’t it make him responsible for every poorly healed scar on Wally’s body? Finally he gets to the cut on Wally’s arm. Dick unwinds the blood-soaked dish towel and stifles his rage at the gash there. It isn’t too deep, but it’s long and jagged. Blood rolls down Wally’s bicep in thick rivulets. At Dick’s silence, Wally says quietly, “He broke a beer bottle.” Dick sighs and cleans the wound the best he can, wrapping it in gauze. It should get stitches, but Dick knows better than to waste his breath asking Wally to let him take him to the ER. He’s not in the mood for an argument tonight any more than Wally is. “I hope he dies,” Dick says, because he deserves the small joy of saying it. He deserves to want it, and Wally only more so. Wally’s mouth twitches upward, even if it doesn’t reach his eyes. He doesn’t disagree. “Want to sleep over my house?” Dick offers. “Alfred can drive you to school in the morning.” Wally shakes his head. “It’ll just make it worse when I come back.” You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this. Dick so badly wishes it were the weekend. At least then he would be able to take out his anger on people who do deserve to be hit. But Bruce is strict about his no-patrol-on-school-nights rule. He’s a coiled spring of kinetic energy, desperate to be pointed in a direction and set loose. “Do you want me to stay?” Dick asks. Wally waves his hand in a way that could be a yes or a no. He watches Dick

gather the melting ice packs and put away the first-aid kit. Dick can hear the television downstairs. He can picture Wally’s father watching a football game, beer in hand, utterly indifferent to the pain he put his own son in. “I think my soulmate is being hurt too,” Wally says to Dick’s back. It’s clear, slow, like he’s rehearsed the words in his head a thousand times. Chewed them up and spit them out. They’ve never talked about their soulmates before. Not to each other. Dick, because he already knows who his soulmate is. Wally, because he may be a blabbermouth, but he keeps his most important cards close to his chest. Dick sits back down on the bed, his face carefully blank. “What makes you say that?” Wally levels him with a look. “I can always tell.” Right. Wally flops back onto the bed, covering his face with his arms. “You ever think you might be cursed?” Yes. Dick stretches out beside him, careful not to bump against any bruises. Wally’s warm next to him. “Maybe they just spend a lot of time riding dirtbikes. Maybe they’re a daredevil.” Wally laughs weakly. “Yeah, maybe. I hope so. It’s bad enough they have to deal with all my problems. It figures that my soulmate would be as messed up as I am.” Another laugh, but this one is wet, shaky, the kind of laugh that’s only seconds away from becoming a sob. “We’re a perfect match.” This is torture. It’s hell, being so close to Wally, close enough to touch, to hug, but there are a million reasons why Dick can’t do that. Dick wishes he never figured out Wally was his soulmate. Or maybe he wishes he could tell Wally the truth without ruining everything. Here I am, he’d yell. I know you. I see you. I’ve been here all along. “Will I see you at school tomorrow?” Dick asks instead. Wally shakes his head. “I’m going to wait for this to go down.” He points at the bruise on his temple. Tomorrow is Friday, so he’ll have the weekend to heal. Rinse and repeat. And then, because Dick has to: “I wish you didn’t have to live like this.” There are a lot of things he wishes were different, but he can’t tell Wally those. Dick is tired of keeping secrets. “Yeah,” Wally says, closing his eyes. “Me too.”