xxaraaq · 2 years ago
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𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧
Sorry that I didn't post anything for like three months, but it dont matter anymore, cus I'm here now
MILF! Ochako Ururaka x Black!Fem!reader
┍━☽【❖】☾━┑
At the ripe age of thirty two, Uruaka Ochako would consider herself to be a great mother. But with her boys, nine, seven, and four – she’s so fucking tired. Tired of not being able to catch a break, tired of not being able to live her life as a young woman, and really fucking tired of having a man child of a husband who couldn’t give less of a shit about her and their kids.
She’s tried to be okay with it, but she just cant be. But when she voices it, all she's met with – ‘it’s not like he's cheating on you, he probably just doesn’t find you attractive anymore.’ or ‘just lose some weight or offer to do more, he’s obviously distant for a reason’. And she’s tried all these things, so, so many times. But nothing ever worked, so she’s just given up. And maybe she just had shitty friends, but the two of you first, she had actually felt something.
“So wait – you're telling me that you haven’t had sex in how long?” You whisper, choking on your drink “Eleven months.” She sighs, taking a drink of her mimosa – she hadn’t touched her husband intimately in almost a year, and it was getting to her. She was getting antsy, and she was getting tired of pleasuring herself on her own.
“I would commit suicide, like, actually kill myself. Are you ok?” and Uruaka knows that she’s not, but there isn't anything she could really do.
“I’ve been so stressed out that I don’t know what today is, I’m not even joking.” She says, the fatigue apparent on her figure
“I seriously don’t know why you won’t get a divorce, I will literally move in with you to help out with the kids if that’s what it takes.” And your serious, the look in your eyes directed right at her
“If I could just get one day, that’s all I would need.” She groans, dreaming of the day where that happens
As the conversation goes along, her husband, m/n, comes up. “Hey honey, me and the boys are gonna go watch the game at Mikey’s house. I’ll be back later.” He says, turning away soon after. With an eye roll and shooing hand, she sends him off with malice in her heart. 
“He really gets on my fuckin nerves.” You say, side eyeing him as he walks away with his friends.
“I genuinely don’t care anymore.” Ochako says, getting up to go to the kitchen
Following after her, you close the door behind you, pulling down the blinds
“What’s wrong?” You say, opening your arms for an embrace
“I am so sick of him.” She says, a shake in her voice
“I know baby, I know.” You say, rubbing soothing circles on her back
“I get that he doesn’t care about me, but can he at least fucking act like it.” She cries into your chest
“He doesn’t deserve you, not like I do.” and she knew it was true
“Lemme make you feel better, how bout’ that?” You ask, pulling back from her
“W-what?” She, wiping the tears from her face
“You heard me, Ochako. Let me help you, you need it.”
The both of you know that anyone could walk in at any moment – but that didn’t stop you from kissing her – nor did it stop her from kissing you back. By the time she gained her senses back she was in her shared room.
“We can’t, everyone’s outside.” She says in between kisses
“We already are, and who cares, no one’s gonna come in here.” You shush her, attacking her neck with hickeys
She moans, grasping your hair in her hands – she doesn’t know why she keeps denying herself, she can’t even remember the last time she came by someone else’s touch.
“Fuck.” She moans, the feeling of your hands traveling over her breasts driving her mad. 
You pull down the top of her light blue sundress, exposing her front to you.
“So pretty.” You groan, capturing her breast in your hand, rolling her nipple in between your fingers
Ochako whimpers at the feeling of your fingers toying with her, her getting wetter by the second.
“Take it off for me, yeah?” You ask, tugging at hem of her dress
Nodding, she quickly strips down, throwing it to a random spot in the room.
“So fucking gorgeous.” You utter, hands finding rest on her hips
“Don’t be weird.”She says, wrapping her arms around neck
She kisses you – passionately – as you lead her and yourself onto the bed. You suck on her neck as you make you way down to her thighs, lifting one onto your shoulder.
“Can I?” You ask, playing the fabric of her underwear
“Don’t ask me stupid questions.” She groans, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as you smile
Taking her answer as a yes, you pull her panties off onto one ankle, licking a slow stripe up her slit. You rub slow circles on her thighs as you continue your assault on her cunt.
“Ohhhhh fuckkkk” She whines, throwing her head back in her ecstasy
“Tastes so good.” You mutter into her, the vibrations of your voice going straight to her core
She doesn’t know why she hasn’t let you touch her sooner – the fluid movements of your tongue making her delusional. But the best part is, all she has to do is sit there and take it.
You massage your thumb around her puckering hole before inserting two into her. “Shitttt” she mewls, holding both her legs up to her chest
“I can’t, s’ too much.” She slurs, her legs shaking as you slurp and suck up her excess
“You can do it mama, cum for me.” You say, moving your fingers in and out of her at an even quicker pace
“Shittttttttt” She screams, squirting onto you and the sheets
“Damn, I didn’t know you could squirt like that.” You say, licking her off of you
“I, I didn’t know either.” She exhales, letting her legs drop onto the now wet sheets
“Uh uh, why’d you let go.” You say, rubbing slow circles on her now puffy clit
“W-wait, we can’t keep going, everyone’s still outside.”
“And they’ll stay outside, I never said I was done with you. Eleven months is a long time y’know; I can’t let go now.” You explain, Entering her once more
Ochako moans as she thinks about what she got herself into. And she really, really hopes that everyone knows exactly where the bathroom is.
┕━☽【❖】☾━┙
Yayy I post. Dont expect me to post until summer now byee.
-Nene
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dearweirdme · 11 months ago
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the way shippers are treating this enlistment as some type of ship war and practically making up aus is seriously pissing me off cus this is a serious matter not some star crossed lovers bullshit, genuinely jkkrs are so fucking dumb, they're past the point of reason, they really think jkk gonna be living out a romance in the military camp
anyway, just hope they all stay safe and healthy, military enlistment always makes me anxious
Hi anon!
You would not believe the amount of Jkkrs actually celebrating in my inbox right now. Like.. actually celebrating. There’s no ounce of reality in their minds, because while the following is only a few months ago, they think Jm and Jk are gonna be happily married and doing their ‘private stuff’ while in the army.
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There is an actual law against gay relationships in the army, punishable by time in jail. Don’t even get me started on what their discovery and subsequent punishment would do to their career and life in general. Like, if you do want to believe in Jkk.. be scared, because this is no joke. This is coming from people who have also spent the last year being convinced ‘Jkk are laying low because of the enlistment’.
Jkk is not real. So fortunately Jk and Jm are safe and they have each other while being there. Jkkrs are seriously seldom right.. so I do not get why there’s also Tkkrs in my inbox confused right now.
I’m not gonna be posting any straws for a few days, but for anyone still wondering: Jm and Jk are definitely not enlisting together because they’re a couple. They’re enlisting together because they’re friends and because they have that option.
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w0lfwren · 2 years ago
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all my friends funnyposting in my dms while i’m mourning a dead man.
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sneezefiction · 4 years ago
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my turn
atsumu x reader
desc: you get a back massage from a gremlin your fiancé
a/n: @gahdam-beb hollz, thank you bunches for this cuteness! he absolutely would give good back massages. may or may not have gotten super carried away here – i meant for this to be like,, 200 words. not proofread & it’s all lowercase :,)
warnings: language, mentions marriage, mentions stabbing (i promise this entire fic is pure fluff though)
wc: 1.3k
so maybe the couch isn’t the best place to sprawl out on.
but you could hardly make it through the apartment door, much less all the way to your bedroom.
a leg dangles limply off the side of the worn-down sofa while the rest of your body merges with the cushion. the smell of pizza from last night’s takeout lingers on the soft material. an air conditioner unit whirs on and a chill streams across your skin, making your hairs stand on end.
unfortunately, all the throw blankets are either in the dryer or on your bed. and your fiancé? well, Atsumu is nowhere to be seen.
you sigh into a pillow.
it’s not every day you feel deprived of his presence. the blond is a lot to handle and he has a habit of bringing chaos with him wherever he goes, whether it’s a quick jaunt to the kitchen or across the country at a volleyball game.
but you can’t help but miss Atsumu, his chaos included. you’re quite endeared to him, actually.
i mean, there’s certainly a reason you’re wearing that silver engagement ring.
but right now it’s not just him that you’re missing. it’s those warm hands of his.
they tickle and prod and they’re not the softest things in the world... but they sure make for a back’s best friend. if you could wish for anything right now, it would be a back massage — for someone to rub and smooth away the tension of another long day.
but he’s not supposed to be back for another hour.
you shut your eyes, choosing to nap until he eventually walks through the door... but a tapping outside keeps your ears perked at attention.
the steps grow heavier in the corridor and, alongside that noise, your heart starts to thrumb louder too. you got off work early and your neighbors don’t typically come home til late... so you’re definitely not expecting anyone.
soon you realize the footsteps are just outside your door.
your heart jumps as the door clicks open and, from it, a rather refreshed-looking Atsumu emerges.
you thank the couch gods that it’s just him.
you would’ve rather been stabbed than defend yourself — you’re too tired to deal with that bullshit. but you’re glad that the universe hadn’t sealed your fate just yet.
“i’m home,” he calls, drawling out the words, “did ya miss me?”
you acknowledge him with a pitiful groan into the couch. it was an attempt at saying “yes” but even you aren’t sure of the unholy sound you just made.
“i don’t speak gremlin,” he chuckles.
you lift your head, shooting him a look.
“that’s unfortunate since you pretty much are one,” you say, dryly.
his jaw drops.
“i’m gonna tell ‘Samu you said that. we have the same face, y’know.”
okay, maybe you should be a little nicer if you want him to put his hands all over you... in a nonsexual way... at least for right now.
you don’t respond to him.
but that doesn’t stop him from talking.
“did somebody have a bad day?” his voice is high and he juts a lip out, taunting you.
you frown violently (if that’s at all possible). yes, he’s joking, but his face looks a fraction more slappable now.
“not particularly,” is your somewhat honest answer.
he shrugs off his jacket, the fabric tussling as he tosses it onto a wooden coat rack. there’s a clink of keys and the plop of a wallet on the countertop.
soon, those heavy steps you heard from outside are treading in your direction until he reaches the corner of the couch – right where your face is. without any hesitation, he sinks into a squat until you’re at eye-level with the giant.
you don’t move an inch, but even though you’re irritated, you kind of wanna kiss him.
“you’re home early,” you mumble, instead of grabbing his face and crashing your lips into his.
Atsumu tilts his head, “i wanted to surprise ya ‘cus i knew you’d be off early.”
he looks annoyingly attractive under the dingy living-room light. where are his dark circles? why are there no wrinkles on his forehead?
you, on the otherhand, probably look like a sloth on its last leg... arm? sloth appendages are confusing and you’d rather not think about that right now.
“is there anything i can do for ya?” he asks, softening at your grumpy expression.
yes.
“no.”
why are you making this difficult for yourself? it’s obvious you’re not doing too hot... and you really want that back massage – your muscles are practically screaming at you for relief.
he leans in closer, brushing his knuckles across your exposed cheek. they’re gentle on your skin.
“are ya sure?” he asks, his voice just above a whisper.
okay, sometimes he’s sweet. but only sometimes.
“can... you give me a massage?” you mumble through pouting lips.
a gentle smile forms on his lips, “yeah.”
he stands, long legs replacing the space where his face once was. Atsumu then shuffles to your side, but it takes him a moment to get situated.
the couch dips as he places a knee on either side of you, straddling your hips. Atsumu makes ass-to-ass contact. the most romantic of positions.
you squeal as he crushes you beneath him.
“oh, c’mon i’m not that heavy,” Atsumu snorts.
“says the guy who’s not actively being squashed into a couch.”
although you’d rather this than the burning ache under your skin.
he grumbles under his breath, but you choose to ignore it. suddenly, fingers are pressing deeply into your upper back and grazing your shoulder blades.
a quick gasp escapes your lips and you instantly regret it.
his deep chuckle shakes his body and, in turn, yours too. thankfully, his lips stay sealed.
you wish you could see that little smirk of his, as much as it bugs you, while he works his magic on your tight shoulders. there’s something so charming about that lopsided grin – it’s part of why you love him so much.
he adjusts again, accidentally kneeing you in the side.
“shit! be careful,” you jolt, warning him.
he smooths a hand down your hip and mutters out a genuine “sorry,” atoning in both word and deed.
in doing so, a metallic coolness brushes against an exposed patch of skin, making you shiver. you peek over your shoulder to see what it is.
it’s the ring on his finger...
and suddenly you can’t fuss at him anymore.
instead, warmth travels steadily throughout your body and his palms burn against your skin.
how can you be marrying him and still flush over the silliest things? in your defense, the ring is a relatively new thing in your relationship. it throws you for a loop anytime you catch sight of it.
Atsumu kneads firmly into the tissues, loosing stubborn knots and waking up your tired skin. his hands are large and stable; like a potter to unshaped clay, the digits mould and shape and indent.
slowly, but surely, your body relaxes and your mood lifts. a soft, virtually undetectable smile is on your lips.
Atsumu could be hellish and rude and a brat about the oddest things. he’s pretty gross and always tries to hug you when he’s dripping sweat. you’re also certain, positive, without a shadow of a doubt sure that he’s the more disagreeable twin.
but you’re probably the only person who can put up with him.
and he, you.
it’s a good thing you found each other... and even better that you can both give great back massages. it’s likely that’s what’s preserving your relationship.
hopefully, that same tactic works in marriage too.
you hum to yourself and your eyes, already drooping, finally close. Atsumu softens his touch, tracing the curves and contours of your body, lulling you into a hazy state.
Atsumu, rough and tumble as he is, could be gentle when he wanted to be — a side of him that easily made you see stars and super novas where only golden eyes and blond strands exist.
at some point, you think you feel a ghost of a breath against your skin.
maybe even a pair of lips pressing to your neck? you’re a little too out of it to tell.
but as soon as you find yourself drifting off, his hands peel away from you. it’s like you just lost a piece of yourself because you’re desperately searching for that missing warmth.
you whine in protest, turning to face the cruel man. after such a long fucking week, he chose to stop. and you were almost asleep too.
but that bastard.
that disgustingly adorable bastard.
he’s smiling as wide and bright as the milky way. there’s not even a hint of guilt.
“my turn,” he directs through a waggish grin.
alright, he’s slappable again.
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lvlyhao · 4 years ago
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『you’re dating him but he’s not your bias』
reaction fic; NCT Dream
A/N: this is nct dream’s reaction to realizing your bias is not him (and you’re a couple). gender neutral, got way too deep at some points and was NOT meant to be this long. enjoy.
note that english is my second language and i speak mixing slang, accents and spellings from 3283928 places so i did notice there’s practice written with both s and c down there so
just dont mind it pls
also, today’s photo theme is dream looking cute in low quality shots.
𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡), angst (❆), comedy (☼), crack (⍢).
𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: lots of swearing, my tough love for the neos, one mention of cheating that doesn’t actually happen, a couple of mentions of alcohol and drinking, some violence hidden in metaphors, me being chaotic, it got a bit more angsty and darker than i intended, but we do have all happy endings.
word count: 6.8K
pairing: nct dream members x reader ( includes mark, renjun, jeno, haechan, jaemin, chenle, jisung)
disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.
*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:
Mark
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oh, poor baby
i feel like he would be a little heartbroken 
just a little
not so much if it’s someone from dream, because they’re his little brothers, but if it’s one of his hyungs from 127 or wayv,,,,,
boy might cry
he’s not super dramatic about it or anything but i don’t see him as being super confident about himself
so he might think like
“do they think he’s cooler than me?”
and it’s silly, yes, he knows
but it’s just something that pops up in his mind sometimes when you bring him up
so for the sake of this fanfic let’s pretend you’re johnny biased
because gods know i am
at least when it comes to 127
mark would be divided into fanboying with you and being like “YO, HE’S THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH OH MY GOD I’M SO GLAD YOU AGREE”
and
“a h”
<gives you a little tiny smile to cover up the sound of his heart breaking>
would constantly try to get closer to you when johnny is around, and just
showing off in little (kinda dumb) ways
complimenting you
being even more whipped than usual
like yes he’ll give you all of his watermelon slices just please don’t look at johnny like that again
i think johnny would kind of play into it with the whole “imma steal your s/o” thing
and he doesn’t do it to make mark jealous or hurt
we know he’d rather get hit by a train than ever actually upsetting his son on purpose
but we also know he’s johnny
cue “OH DUDE HE’S FLIRTING”
so yeah he might call you lil pet names (beautiful, cutie, you get it)
just to see you giggle 
(and see your soul leave your body)
might say he’s taking you out for dinner when he’s just driving you to get more ice cream for a movie night with the gang lol
and winks
expect a lot of winks
anywhere and anytime
which makes mark sometimes feel like he’s intruding???
and that you appreciate johnny more than him???
he genuinely doesn’t understand how you can date him and still not have him as your bias
don’t you like, love him above everyone else or smth lol
his “showing off” phase eventually fades tho
now every time you hang you with the boys and johnny is around, he’ll be a bit more distant 
he thinks he’s giving you space to interact with his friends but he’s just shying away from competing with one of his favourite people ever
and it’s a competition that Does Not Exist™
but he’s not 100% aware of that
and you’re not that dense 
so ofc you notice
and you wait till you two are alone to talk to him, and he BEGRUDGINGLY admits that you being johnny biased makes him feel kinda small and unimportant
he’d never try to make you change your bias or anything
he just needs reminders that he’s your #1 boy sometimes
which is fine by you
and by him
cus now it’s you calling him pet names all the time
and hugging him
and kissing his cheek
and praising his work
and blowing kisses from across the room
and just telling him straight up that no matter what, you’ll always go to him
(not that you ever had any chance with johnny lmao)
THIS GOES TO SHOW COMMUNICATING IS KEY, CHILDREN
COMMUNICATE
Renjun
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wym donghyuck is your bias lol
literally are you fucking kidding him
don’t get me wrong ok
everyone knows renjun loves haechan
they’re bffs and could not live without each other
but at the same time,,,
what is wrong with you
who did he choose as his s/o gods help him
if it was jeno, or mark, or jaehyun, or winwin, or kun, or lucas, or yuta, or taeyong, or ten, or,,,,
literally ANY of his other members
he’d understand your point and be like “ok fine”
but haechan???? hmmm bestie no
he’s not gonna throw a fit
not after the first time you told him anyways
HE WAS SURPRISED OKAY
and he just whined very loudly after having laughed for 5 minutes thinking it was a joke
<flashbacks of that one time he had to sing the ottoke song with haechan on weekly idol>
if you don’t know that iconic scene, renjun had a whole ass meltdown in 3 seconds while yelling “aAAAAAH JINJJAAAAA” and getting ready to punch the living shit out of hyuck
for no reason other than the fact that it’s haechan we’re talking about and injun’s little body is filled with rage
BACK ON TRACK
would probably try to act all cool about it and be like “i don’t mind” but bruh does he mind
and it doesn’t help that haechan is such a little shit about it
he doesn’t even flirt with you
he just
constantly reminds renjun that he’s your bias—not him—and then constantly praises himself over you
“ah, y/n~ did you choose me as your bias because i’m the best vocalist? or was it because i’m the best dancer? mAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY OH SO BROAD SHOULDERS—”
(pause for injun to punch him)
(unpaused)
and ok in the beginning it was funny seeing him all worked up but now it’s just annoying to be in the same room as these two
haechan won’t let either of you live
and renjun just wants to
fight
so it eventually gets to the point where you’ll talk to renjun and jeno will talk to hyuck cus even the other dreamies are tired of it
except maybe for chenle, he always laughs his ass off when they start bickering
ANYWAY
your conversation goes something like “oh my god renjun i’m literally dating you, i don’t like haechan better or anything you little pile of fury”
while jeno sits hyuck down in front of him and jaemin and just
“bro why are you like this”
“bro”
no but renjun would apologize for going overboard with his protectiveness and jealous energy because he’s not generally like that
he’s angry all the time but never about something involving you, you know
he tries his best to treat you like the royalty you are
but something about hyuck being your bias makes him feel a bit like a castaway???
he’s very creative and as an artsy kid myself i know we’re very prone to feeling left out because we’re just different from the others
so he’d think maybe haechan really has a better voice
or better dancing skills
or he looks better
he is taller than injun after all, and has broader shoulders, and his hair is all fluffy and—
the whole thing just made him insecure about things he had settled with himself long ago
he was fine with being him
but not so much when it came to that
i don’t think you two would fight over it cus tbh i think renjun would really only get with someone who can be very understanding of him
and i think hyuck would actually apologize to renjun too
not when everyone’s around but like, maybe after dinner or something and he just needs to feel like they’re besties again
hyuck never meant for things to get out of control
he just really likes both injun and you as his friends, and aside from skinship his most prominent love language is,,,
teasing
he was really just trying (very poorly) to grow closer to the person his best friend loves so much—you—because renjun is SUCH a big part of his life it would just feel wrong to not be good friends with you as well
don’t tell them i said this but they hug it out
injun strikes me as someone that could take a bit of time to bounce back from something that hurt his pride or his sense of belonging
and his way of healing and bonding is just,,,
art
sure, keep being haechan biased, but also please read with him
and talk about his fantastic animal creations
and watch those buzzfeed unsolved alien theory videos because he really wants to discuss it and maybe even draw what he thinks the aliens look like
hyuck tones it down, you make sure renjun knows you like him for him, renjun starts to (secretly) appreciate hyuck’s talent along with you...
and now let’s take a moment to imagine the minute you watch their latest mv with injun by your side
and yes okay the first thing you see is CLEARLY how good renjun looks because holy fucking shit he’s an angel (and i’m clearly not renjun biased)
but then,,,,,,
wAS THAT A HAECHAN HIGH NOTE
(there’s always a haechan high note, just look for it)
and ok maybe he did scream a bit with you because of how good it all sounded
and you know what, it works out perfectly bc you two are my new otp and you were meant for each other
but we do have to mention the eventual happening of chenle saying like “oOoOoOoH y/N wErE yOu dRoOliNg oVeR hAeChAn AgAiN” after a special stage
and then you, injun and hyuck all attempt to choke him
i’m kidding
or not
Jeno
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ah, lee jeno
aka samoyed boi
yes i do call him that no i will not stop
everyone is always writing jeno as being super protective and literally about to burst a lung if someone else ever does as much as look at you
but i just 
don’t see him that way
he’s a taurus and from what i know about taurus they can be v v jealous, yes, but they mainly seek comfort
so he’s fine with you biasing jaemin
as long as you’re not ditching him or anything lol
and ok, imma be 100% honest here even if it sounds like literal no fun (jenojaem wink wonk)
jaemin doesn’t flirt with you
not any more than he flirts with
every other breathing creature
ever
he’s really only platonically interested in you, never remotely romantic or anything lol
on the other side, he is in love with jeno
basically, if jaemin is your bias, jeno is his
so nothing really changes
we know how nomin are, okay
they hold hands, they stare deeply into each other eyes, they nearly kiss at least once every time they go live
it's just them
you gotta respect it bruh
i know this is the most boring reaction ever so let’s create the one (1) instance where jeno would actually dislike that you bias someone else
i think he would feel a bit hurt if you seemed to be more supportive of jaemin’s work than his
and it’s not something big or on purpose
it’s just something like going with him to a recording session but not going with jeno because you have homework
or after a very busy practise day going to praise jaemin first
even if it’s just three words
“you did good”
and then you’re going towards him, he’s gonna feel like maybe he doesn’t deserve your praise as much as nana????
i actually feel like, among the dreamies, jeno is the least confident one when it comes to his performance
he knows he’s not an awful rapper or anything but i think it can be a bit too much, being around such bright and huge presences like the others while his nickname literally means “no fun”
his members are just so loud and full of energy most of the time
and sometimes he just really needs to be quiet and observe in silence 
(yes i do know he’s chaotic and a crackhead, i’m just saying as we know he can be a bit introspective)
so what if you just
stopped seeing him?
did he become invisible to you?
did you finally fall for jaemin’s beautiful smile and stupid pick-up lines?
he’s not gonna let it show that he’s affected, though
earth signs are nearly always the ones to “stay strong” because we have this image that people are relying on us???
so we do what we do
bottle everything up and overwork ourselves bc we only got two modes
1. chill, super balanced and down to earth (ay for the pun)
2. please make us take a break we’re literally about to cry if we work for one more minute but we can’t allow ourselves to fucking take it easy
so yes you’ve guessed correctly, we’re going with 2
jeno is going to go so, SO hard on everything he does 
literally every single activity you can think of from dance practice to photoshoots to cooking for the dreamies
he stays up later than usual to get that one tricky move in the choreo just right
he works out more because he thinks he has to look absolutely perfect for when they shoot the mv
jisung asked for ramen? he’s making it but you bet your ass he’s spending over 40 minutes just chopping so
many
vegetables
AND STUFF THAT JISUNG WON’T EVEN EAT
but he’s doing it anyway for the reason being that it just has to be the Best™
and it’s not like he’s competing with anyone else to be diligent
this is just about being better than he was and showing himself—and maybe you—how painstakingly hardworking and driven he can be
maybe then you’re gonna acknowledge him as much as you acknowledge nana :((
:(((((
writing this is making me downright sad, jeno is so underrated and unaware of his power UGH
and i need to point out this is NOT about making you change your bias from jaemin to him, this is solely about having you recognize his efforts, even if you already do
if you just thought jeno was like going off in work because it was asked of him to, jaemin would DEF notice and talk to you about it
turns out it’s a habit of jeno to go extra hard sometimes and he needs someone to make him take a break
so it goes down like you breaking into the practice room when jeno and jisung were practising
the first reaction is confusion
the second is oh hey babe how are you
third is
a-are you dragging jeno and his bag out of the door while screeching at jisung to order pizza and doughnuts for everyone??
yes you are and i’m proud of you
so jeno is still confused and making those cute “hUh” noises he does omg i love him so much
and you’re just rambling about how much of an amazing artist he is, and you love his voice, and he’s a fantastic dancer, and his expressions and gestures are on point, and he takes such good care of the dreamies and
he’s perfect
and he knows jaemin must have talked to you, and he feels so vulnerable to have you know how on edge he’s been
baby boy just needs some rest
and that’s exactly what you give him, with a bath full of those fancy bath bombs and flower petals and candles at your house/apt
then a quick sheet mask while you massage his shoulders and keep saying how much you genuinely admire him
the mask might be ruined cus he started crying out of exhaustion
after that’s been done and you’ve hugged for at least like 5 min nonstop, you head over to the dorms, where hyuck was in charge of setting up a blanket fort while mork and nana gather board games, jisung gets the food and chenle
well chenle just had to make sure jisung doesn’t forget to order for someone and doesn’t break like 10 plates trying to set the table lol
this is way longer than the others so imma wrap it up
make it obvious and loud that you see and respect jeno’s hard work and he’ll be alright again
and maybe make those game nights a weekly thing when possible, it would make him very happy
he’ll never again feel sad when you praise jaemin cus now he’s sure he does enough, and above all, he is enough
Haechan
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haechan = full sun
why would you ever bias someone when you’re dating the goddamned sun
does not understand
but also does not care that much
actually, one out of two really depending on who your bias is
if it’s one of the members he has that tom/jerry relationship with, prepare for so
much
complaining
and clinging
AND HE’D BE SO LOUD OH MY FUCKING GOD
donghyuck please stop screaming about doyoung not deserving to be your baby’s bias, it’s 2 am
on the other hand, if it’s one of the (few) members he,,,
adores with all of his heart and is not afraid to show it
ex: sungchan, jaehyun, taeil and yang2x
then you can bet he’s going to be right beside you whenever you feel like throwing a fit because he’s just so handsome and talented
IF IT’S MARK OSHDISJD
i’m going to write you as being mark biased ok? ok
i honestly don’t know if he’d feel more jealous of mark or of you
he loves you both
a lot,,,,
and he really doesn’t like it when mark blushes when you compliment him
and he doesn’t like it when mark literally just walks past you and you trip over your feet because bro tf u doing, that’s some embarrassing shit
lowkey done with you two
but also PAY HIM SOME ATTENTION
or don’t, he’s fine either way (cue crossed arms and staring at you from across the room until you come give him a kiss)
“he’s pretty cute but i’m cuter right baby”
pouty pouty pouty if he ever feels neglected
will be so fucking annoying lmao i can’t write haechan, i love him but i do understand why renjun is always trying to beat him up
he’d be a show-off in a different way than mark because he can be so petty
will take every chance he gets to pull a one-liner
will sing everything he has to say just so you know he can hit those high notes
what do you mean dream doesn’t have a schedule today
oh man, he could swear they did
because that is the sole reason why he’s wearing his most expensive clothes and shoes + makeup to walk around the dorms, yes
no he doesn’t want to impress you
shut up
will text you like every single fancam he sees on twitter
every
single 
one
and are they mark’s?
lol no, they’re his
he is so genuinely trying to make you a member of his sunflower cult 
<whispers> “tell me i’m your bias” 
“donghyuck what the actual hell why are you standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night like a fucking demon child”
he really wants to act all cool and composed but he wants to be your bias so fucking bad
he’s a bad bitch all around and just does whatever
cus haechan privilege
and he tends to not care about what people say and think???
bc he knows he’s lee donghyuck
he’s fully aware of the effect he has on people
but you
not biasing him
naw, he can’t take it
will do anything and everything he can to make you say, JUST ONE TIME, he’s your bias
then you can go back to loving (his) mark
so for your sake, for his sake, for mark’s sake
just give donghyuck what he wants
i can promise he’ll keep being an ass no matter what you do
like yeah did you just buy him coffee and his favourite cake? well that’s sweet but iS HE YOUR BIAS YET
“aw babe thanks so much for taking a bullet for me but now please say i’m your bias”
if you still don’t do it, it’s time to be extra petty
will actually drop you for mark
his logic is something like: he can’t be your bias? pity, so he’s just gonna date him instead
and mark is mark so he has no idea what’s going on
everyone in 127 and dream finds this absolutely hilarious cus suddenly donghyuck seems to be doing his best to win over mark’s heart and i mean more than usual???? and he’s treating you like his bro????
<you leaving the dorms to go to uni or smth so you go to hyuck for a goodbye kiss> “no can do, i’m committed”
“i’m your partner”
“no that’s mark”
it’s not 100% a joke when i say i can see him getting down in one knee to propose to mark while making eye contact with you to
assert his dominance
and mark is just
“dude
what HAHAHA”
and you are so done, i’m so sorry you have to go through that bby
i don’t think there’s another way to fix haechan other than just admitting he was your bias for an era, or a comeback or something
like yeah with the other dreamies before him it’s bonding + healing time bc i wrote it all kinda angsty (lol sorry) but with donghyuck
no
“will you stop this if i say you were my bias during reload era”
“mark wasn’t in dream that era tho”
“yes i know”
i say he’s gonna take what he can get and now things can finally go back to normal
with the exception that something else comes along with hyuck being satisfied with you biasing him
he just has a full pass to fanboy over mark now too
what am i talking about?
new 127 mv is out
you: watching it beside haechan and going off about how pretty mark looks
him: going off even harder bc he’s whipped too
this is what a happy couple looks like 
but now i pity mark because he has you two idiots fanboying over him irl
savemork2021
Jaemin
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nana is just such a chill and fun guy
i can’t see him being actually jealous or anything if he finds out you bias someone else
and so the two of you become insufferable together
bitch, i’m telling you
he (ur bias) is not gonna have one peaceful day ever again in his entire life
cus you know the thing jaemin does where he just looks at someone doing some random shit and goes “oOoOoH sExY”
yes that thing
he’s doing it to your bias 
and you’re doing it too
and your bias probably wants to run away to some very far away land
PLEASE IF IT’S JISUNG
i’m not gonna write this whole thing as if you bias him but let’s just imagine
two fully grown people
pilling on top of poor, poor park jisung playing games on his phone
“URI JISUNGIEEEEEE
MWOYA, MWOYAAAA~"
i genuinely think he would avoid being around you two at the same time
cus individually he can handle it
like yes y/n please let me go this hug has lasted for about 4 minutes now
or oh hi jaemin hyung my cheeks hurt when you pinch them that hard
but when you two are together
bruh
a power couple not bc you two are v confident or some shit but bc you can and will be extremely affectionate towards anyone that comes too close
and now let’s talk about how it would be if you biased jaehyun
jaemin loves jaehyun
they’re 2jae
2jae are soulmates
therefore,,,, it’s also kinda hellish but in a different way???
bc 2jae are on the end of that spectrum about the neos that know how in love the entire world is with them
they’re too powerful
they’re aware of their charm and they do everything they can to rub it in our faces
so the flirting between 2jae and you would be insane
and i mean insane
insane as in even johnny is kinda disgusted tbh bc
they’re doing a photo shoot with the 23 of them for some shit, idk don’t ask me
and of course, you had to tag along
but oh my god you three, please stop calling each other sexy/hot in weird voices now, the staff is staring
there are def rumours the 3 of you are a poly couple lmao
jaehyun denies everything on social media (throwback to saying “no way lol” when we asked if he REALLY slept in the same bed as jungwoo)
but every piece of content there is of you and jaemin or you and jaehyun or just them is so ridiculously flirty
you can bet there are compilations on youtube like 
“y/n being in love with 2jae for 8 minutes heterosexual”
ok i was having way too much fun with that, moving on
i don’t think he’d ever be actually upset about you biasing someone else
he trusts you and treasures you a lot so he doesn’t see the problem in you also appreciating another one of his members
bc gods know he does
he’s a bit in love with everyone so why shouldn’t you be too lol
one time he would feel a bit blue because of it???
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i think it’s possible he’d turn pouty or whiny or just kinda needy (not in a bad way, he just misses you) when he’s like
done with people
and needs some time away from everything
we know he’s an introvert, even if he acts very, very loud around the boys and it’s honestly just a matter of time until an introvert grows tired of being around humans
it depends on each person, of course, but there’s a 99% chance every once in a while he’ll start to feel too drained
and he’ll need a break to get his energy back
jaemin would probably want you around even when he feels like that, though
i see you being such a big source of comfort for him in a relationship
he enjoys taking care of people so please take care of him too
and for just this one day don’t talk about your bias that much, or don’t leave nana to go over to him to chat
and just cuddle him a lot
that will make him a smiley baby again
and then things are back to how they normally are
and by that i mean most neos hiding from you because they’re scared 
i don’t have a lot to say aside from that so let’s think about the neos that would be the most intimidated by your shared thot aura
dotae would be confused in different ways lol
taeyong would be just ????????????blush/awkward smile/hahaha??????
and doyoung might actually ask what is wrong with you
<points to jeno and his s/o> “why can’t you be like them”
mark would laugh-scream and slap his knee into oblivion whenever you two are cornering him
but then go super shy and be like “dUDE DON’T DO THAT”
resident confident gay jungwoo would rejoice in the attention and make so many goddamned jokes
a literal comedian i love him
i think sicheng and renjun would be on the same wavelength of repugnance towards you lol
chenle would deadass call you weird and tell you to leave him alone
shotaro and kun might faint (or kun will panic-scold you)
taeil is as confused by affection as usual (have you seen the face he makes when haechan kisses him LMFAO he’s smiling but like wondering wtf happened on the inside)
ten is not very amused but might play into it
yangyang: that’s disgusting, man (cue flashbacks to that live with renjun after the from home stage where renjun pretended to lick his hand and slick his hair back,,, catboy injun,,, you know the one)
xiaojun and hendery are such panicked gays they just turn to stare at whoever else is around and make that “help” expression like they’re on the office
haechan is haechan, kinda doesn’t mind it
jeno is used to dealing with this at this point
lucas and yuta love the attention but while yuta will flirt right back lucas is just gonna smile and try to jop his way out of there while screaming
sungchan will go hide behind haechan and say “hyung they’re being dumbasses again”
this turned into ‘how would nct react to you and jaemin being super flirty together’ and i’m not sorry
Chenle
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chenle is so fun to write i love him lmao
okay so
he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type with anyone other than jisung (bc i swear he can be a bit jelly towards his bestie but i think it comes with sungie being the sweetest bean ever, he’s just protective)
he’s such a ray of sunshine and witty jokes and dolphin laughter i love him
back to the plot
he literally couldn’t care less about you biasing someone else
b u t
i will say there’s an exception
this exception is tall, kinda lanky, very awkward and born on the 5th of february
you’ve guessed it, it’s jisung
i think most of the time he’d tease THE SHIT out of you for it because c’mon
you had 22 chances not to mess up
and you still somehow ended up biasing jisung? lol do better next time
and this is not me and chenle hating on jisung, please—
he’d just find it funny that your bias is his best friend and
hold the fuck up
your bias is his best friend
oH NO NO NO NO NO
i think after realizing that he would lowkey try to keep you two apart because he’s somehow jealous of both????
and if he can’t help it then you can bet your ass he will be screaming all along
it’s his sweet, dummy jisung
with his sweeter and dummier y/n
what is he going to do
probably has a mini-breakdown with kun because like he’s always wanted you two to get along bUT NOT LIKE THAT
kun will just sigh like the tired father he is and pet his back while saying “there, there”
and a genius idea is going to come to chenle’s mind
you know the teasing thing?
well it’s upgrade time
he’s gonna turn into such a try-hard with tmi and embarrassing shit you two have done
and he’s not trying to stop you from being friends
he just wants you to like
know who you’re befriending
bc i think since he’s really really close to jisung, he doesn’t want you getting closer to him bc you like his idol side alone
and he doesn’t want jisung getting close to you just because you’re his partner either
if you had high hopes for each other and ended up kinda falling face-first into the ground bc it was nothing like you had imagined—
he’d be so broken
because he loves you so much :((((
so like, if you can get past the teasing and annoying barrier he’s putting up, he’ll be more than happy to have two of the most important people in his life being buddies
so get ready for it
if you’re the type of person to go batshit crazy when you drink, oh boy, oh boy
so you and the dreamies are just having dinner when lele feels like it’s the perfect time to disclose some of your drunken adventures
“hey y/n”
“yeah babe?”
“remember that time you got really really drunk on vodka and candy and wanted to call your mom”
“chenle the hell don’t talk ab—”
“but then you tried using the microwave as a phone”
“...”
“...”
“or that other time you were equally as drunk and watched the make a wish mv and cried because you noticed the height difference between xiaojun hyung and lucas hyung”
yeah so now’s the part you get up to chase him around the dorms and try to land a kick
BUT WORRY NOT, HE’LL MAKE SURE TO EMBARRASS JISUNG JUST AS MUCH
he likes doing that when it’s just the three of you though
so picture this
movie night the girls boys
chenle would 100% pick the most terrifying horror movie he can find so that he could see jisung clinging to whoever’s closest to him
and then right before a jumpscare, he’d whisper like
“jisung”
“w-what”
“why don’t you do that thing you were doing while you slept last night”
(honestly, i’d be mildly scared if i heard lele say this with no context at all)
and then the jumpscare happens and jisung is nearly fainting and crying at the same time
but chenle is laughing
and trying to get out what he wants to tell you between wheezes
“he-he” <dolphin wheeze> “hE WAS SINGING CHEER UP BY TWICE WHILE SLEEPING” <more wheezes>
and look this is just gonna go on for weeks until you and jisung are over it
and stop being weird and awkward around each other
lele needs you two to be bros ok
so be bros
once you do adapt to being pals with your bias i think chenle would take the teasing down a notch just to make you more comfortable
and like he’s so happy now the three of you can hang out and there’s just no tension
happy chenle is the thing i love the most i swear to gods
and if you don’t adapt to it?
well,,,
i honestly think he’d be pretty disappointed, cus it means to him one of you isn’t ready to fully embrace the weirdness within????
and like what u scared of
jisung is a weirdo, what about it, so are you
either that or he’d think you’re maybe being judgemental
so yeah please accept jisungie and your dumbass boyfriend
then everyone can be besties
i love thinking about the three of you as just this hellbound chaotic trio
because chenji already wreak havoc wherever they go as the two of them
but now that you’re coming along,,,,
no neo would escape from your pranks ever again (and even members of other groups lmfao watch out sehun, i’m talking to you)
and it’s so incredible infuriating in a good way that it just turns to be endearing
you’re cute as fuck so no one gets actually mad with the shit you pull????
which is dangerous, someone should really keep an eye out on the three of you 
we don’t need sm to be on fire
well we kinda do cus they’re pretty bad but not my point
i said somewhere above that chenle would tone the teasing down but i don’t mean he’d stop
bc c’mon guys
he’s chenle
no limits here
but sorry, i really cannot write jealous!chenle cus his heart is just too pure and filled with joy for him to be jealous for real
last scenario?
chenle after a comeback stage: ya y/n, i was gonna ask how was my performance today but you were probably more focused on jisung’s arms right
jisung is choking on water somewhere behind you
Jisung
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it’s maknae time <plays i.n’s maknae on top>
i don’t mean to picture jisung as being like
ridiculously innocent or just downright naive because i really dislike it when people do that
he’s a literal 19 yo and jaemin himself has said he’s not as innocent as we think lol
however
i do see him as being quite new to all things love 
i think you’d probably be his first partner and with first relationships comes a lot of other firsts
first kiss maybe, first time holding hands, first time being jealous….
first time being jealous, yes, focus on that
i don’t think jisung would be aware that like
you not biasing him is even a possibility
cuz you’re dating
doesn’t that come along????
ah poor baby i love him
if you biased chenle i think he’d be just
disgusted and weirded out but okay?? you do you i guess???
he’s comfortable enough with lele to not feel intimidated
but if it’s another member
ESPECIALLY one of the oldest ones
i think it would be a blow straight to his confidence 
you biasing ten, kun, taeil, taeyong, doyoung or johnny and maybe yuta would make him feel a bit hesitant and concerned
his first thought would probably be that you don’t like being with someone as young as him
and who knows, maybe you’re even younger than him, maybe you’re the same age, but what if you actually like older guys??
what about him then???
and jisung doesn’t mean to feel so worried and insecure, ok, pls understand where i’m coming from
first relationships normally take like a very long time to build trust and acceptance of the other person’s feelings bc it’s literally a whole new world for you
and that goes extra hard for jisung because he is so fucking whipped for you it’s still hard to believe you like him as much
and it absolutely does not cross his mind that you’d cheat on him with your bias, GODS NO
he really respects you and his hyungs 
so no, never
that’s not a thing that can happen
but you realize you’re too good for him and maybe see he doesn’t fit your ideal type?
well, yes, that’s what he’s thinking
probably goes straight to chenle or renjun (he talks about renjun so much asjahj) to vent and ask for advice
i think they’d be surprised to see what’s going on inside his pretty little head because it’s so obvious for everyone that you just adore jisung
and they do tell him that
however, i don’t think it would completely calm his nerves, and again, this has nothing to do with not trusting you
it’s just that
his hyungs are so cool…
HE CAN’T HELP IT OK
would probably try to mirror your bias (i’m saying it’s taeyong for the sake of what i’ve imagined ok) and like
grasp onto some of his qualities?
so in his mind taeyong is: nice, sweet, caring, amazing, perfect, smart, perfect, sexy, mature and did i mention perfect
i can see him trying some new rap styles that mimic tyong’s a bit???
like would lowkey learn his raps from cherry bomb and superm’s one and listen to recordings frequently to pick up on how taeyong does it
i think he’d also just change the way he acts in general to dodge a bit from his maknae image
so now he tries to speak with a more formal-ish language and learns random facts about things you like to seem more intelligent???
“good morning y/n, you look as beautiful as one of voiello’s paintings today :]”
“wait i thought that was a pasta brand”
he’s just trying to show you he can be mature and serious if you want him to
long story short, he’s not acting like himself (not that he’s childish, he’s just out of it) and you don’t like it, so you ask about it and wait for him to feel comfortable with sharing
when he does talk about it breaks your heart so much :((
you’re going to need some patience to try and show him you’d choose him, and not your bias, even if you had the chance
they’re completely different people and you love him BECAUSE he’s jisung, not for any other reason
please reassure him so he can go back to acting like his authentic self, i think it would be such a relief for him too
your words and affection are obviously enough for him, but if it ever happens that he feels especially low and insecure again, it would help if your bias talks to him too
and taeyong wouldn’t have a problem with it
actually, scratch that, taeyong probably knew what was going on all along
he just has that motherly 7th sense (ay) that is even more acute with the dreamies cus like 
127 has him, wayv has kun, but dream has…
the dreamies
and that, my friend, is terrifying
anyway he’d come to talk to jisung asking like “what’s wrong buddy :(“ and sungie would be a bit ashamed because it sounds so silly when you say it out loud
of course tyong wouldn’t judge him, and he just really has to tell jisung what is it you and he are always talking about
it’s him
“when they come around to talk and hang out here it all goes back to you, jisungie. they can’t spend one second without mentioning your name
it’s so cute; it’s always like ‘oh jisung would love this’ or ‘jisung likes it that way’
so please be kinder to yourself and let yourself see that they’re in love with you, not with me and not with any other member they ever mention”
jisung would feel 10000000% better
and smiley
and giggly
and oh my god do you really talk about him that much
LOOK HE’S BLUSHING
would just go over to your house immediately and hug you, burying his face on your neck from behind you
and not let go
ever again
the whole situation just teaches him a lot about accepting your love for him and not questioning it 
shut up i’m not crying
---
final notes: this was my first work after the humanity series and it was so fun lol i think next up is probs gonna be an ideal type scenario for ot23 (but if i really write it i’m gonna post it by subunit and its gonna be way shorter than this, don’t expect 23K words at once lmao)
if you’ve enjoyed this fic please consider reading my humanity series, which is a zombie apocalypse au with kun <3
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smugraccoon137 · 3 years ago
Text
Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2
If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD
Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 
Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 
Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk
Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*
Alex: wait no my coming out juice
Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier
Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 
wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.
Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara
Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection
Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.
Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 
OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT
Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.
Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.
Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god
Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too
Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.
Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk
me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving
Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!
Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus
oooooof that last line. 
Lena: I know your lying
Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?
Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true
Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.
Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots
Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.
That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.
God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.
Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign
And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.
Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you
God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.
I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)
Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?
Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)
Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors
Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother
J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?
well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 
Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 
Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance
Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*
Lena: :,) 
Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard
Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 
Lena: >:(
Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 
OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts
Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.
Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining
Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 
Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 
Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*
Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG
Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?
Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.
Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?
Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues
Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.
I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 
Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 
I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity
I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming
Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...
No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...
Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.
Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty
Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.
Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!
Lena: why not? im a luthor
Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 
Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch
I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.
Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 
Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 
So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 
Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!
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angst-fairygodmother · 4 years ago
Text
Idiot (Affectionate) ~ A Bad Samaritan Fic
CHAPTER FIVE: US
Pairing: Derek Sandoval x (fem)Reader Word Count: 2868 Rating: T - canon-typical language, reference to Stephen King A/N: The adorable, fluffy early part of a relationship is hard to write, y’all. Especially first dates.
Previous Chapter | Masterlist
“So...you and Derek…” Riley began after you had both placed your orders and found a table. 
“What? What about Derek and me? There isn’t a ‘me and Derek,’” you said in a rush. Except that there was, now, and you weren’t sure why you were denying it. 
“That’s my point! You’d be good together.”
“Would we?” you asked skeptically. 
A voice nagged at the back of your mind, lecturing you about how you knew that already, how of course you were good together, you were more than good, you were perfect foils. You liked bickering and bantering with him, and watching scifi together, and doing terrible impressions of people you both knew, and just talking and being near him. You weren't sure what had happened earlier, but you knew you wanted it to happen again. And that you wanted...to curl up on your couch with your knees tucked up under you and your head on his chest while his arm wrapped around you and held you close, or sit across from him at a restaurant and steal his fries, or make pancakes with him on a Sunday morning in your pajamas (never mind that you'd have to learn how first, for Derek you'd figure it out). You were sure you wanted all of those cute, romantic companionship things, with Derek. So why were you still pretending otherwise?
“Sure. He’s not my type, and he can be a little annoying sometimes, but he makes it work, in his own way.”
Your conversation was momentarily interrupted by your drinks and snacks being brought over. It was just enough time for you to come to a decision. 
“You’re really selling him,” you joked, hiding a smile behind your scone. “I’m so convinced.”
“Come on, Y/N. Give him a chance. He might surprise you.”
“Riley, listen. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, setting me up with Derek, but you are wasting your breath...”
“Why? Give me one good reason not to go out to dinner with him.”
“He hasn’t asked me to?” you squinted your eyes and tilted your head in question. 
She sighed. “Okay, you’re right. Hypothetically though, if he did ask, and assuming you both had the night off, and—”
“Riley, can you slow down for a second?” you couldn’t help but laugh as you cut off what was likely to be quite the spiel. After all, she was a business major, and they loved their hypotheticals almost as much as lawyers.
She stopped, or at least paused, and picked up her coffee cup, looking at you expectantly.
“You’re wasting your breath not because my answer would be no, but because...well..he and I sort of...already...hooked up? About,” you checked the clock on your phone, “an hour ago.”
She choked, only just avoiding spraying her latte over you. “What?!”
“Well I mean, not hooked up, hooked up. But there was a lot of kissing, and other stuff. And not a lot of clothes. It probably maybe might have actually ended up as hooked up, hooked up if you hadn’t called,” you grimaced as you tried to explain. “But you cannot tell Sean any of this.”
“Why not?”
You chewed on your lip. “Because it just happened. And I don’t know if it was a one-off, heat-of-the-moment thing. So I don’t want him to know anything until there’s something worth knowing. If there’s something worth telling, he’ll probably end up one of the first to know anyway.”
“Okay, I might let you have that,” she smirked, leaning in. “So tell me more: What’s ‘other stuff’? How few clothes are we talking? How’d it happen? Was it good?”
Your cheeks felt hot with embarrassment as you laughed awkwardly and focused your attention on your drink as a distraction. 
~
“You’re never gonna believe this, dawg,” Derek said, blowing a puff of smoke up into the air. “So I was over at Y/N’s, and we were hangin out, and we started arguing, right?”
“Because that comes as a shock to anyone,” Sean answered, rolling his eyes and taking a long drag before passing the joint back.
“No, no, no, man. That’s not the surprising thing. We’re arguing and all up in each other’s face and then, out of nowhere, she kisses me!” Derek’s grin was wide and a little bit awed as he spoke, forgetting to take another hit.
There was genuine shock on Sean’s face and he seemed at a loss for words, blinking owlishly at his best friend. 
“So anyway, there I am, there we are because the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen - no offense to Riley man - is kissing me, so obviously I kissed her back. She didn't taste like I thought she would, apples or somethin, like she always smells, but I guess that's her hair or something, it was…” Derek trailed off for a second, trying to think of exactly how he wanted to describe the taste of kissing her, and then he snapped his fingers, carrying on, “candy canes. Those ones with the extra purple stripe that kinda taste like berries.”
He ignored Sean saying his name, trying to capture his attention and carried on. 
“Then, it's not just kissing. Cus she's laying back onto the bed and I'm following and now I'm on top of her and she takes her shirt off. No bra underneath so I've got the perfect view of her sweet, perky—”
“Stop!” Sean yelled, voice echoing off the concrete pillars of the parking garage. “Fucking hell Derek, that's my cousin. Practically my little sister for Christ's sake.”
 “What?” Derek frowned, confused for a moment when it finally dawned on him. “Oh shit, man, I'm sorry. I thought since you were cool with me taking a shot...I wasn't thinkin about…”
“It's fine. I only need to bleach out half my brain. I'm happy for you and Y/N, I really am, it's about time frankly, but I don't want to know.”
“Yeah. Yeah no problem man.”
A silence hung over them as they finished their smoke, before suddenly Derek was speaking again.
“I looked up the song while I drove here, and it turns out, she was right. I had nothin to even argue with her about.” He chuckled, the grin creeping across his face again. “I’m glad I did though.”
~
Several weeks went by and it seemed like things were going back to normal, as if nothing had ever happened. You got busy with school and finals, seeing Derek a lot less often and for shorter blocks, and the timing never seemed right to talk. 
One night, you were both hanging out with Sean, trying to cheer him up over the fact that Riley had cancelled on him because of some big presentation for school. While your cousin was out of the room meeting the pizza guy, an odd silence descended over you both for a moment, before Derek turned to face you on the couch. 
“What are we?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” you answered, frowning in confusion and mirroring his position. 
“We have one killer makeout, then never talk about it. I flirt, I think you’re flirtin back but it’s hard to tell. You call me sweet one second and stupid the next. I just don’t get it, Y/N, and it’s starting to drive me crazy.”
“I like you, Derek. A lot. Like, to the point it kinda scares me if I’m being honest, a lot,” you shrugged, holding your shoulders at your ears. “But...I don’t know. Is this a good idea?”
“This? You mean...us?” He frowned in confusion. 
“Is there an us already?” you sighed, voice trembling. “Yeah, I guess I mean, the possibility of an us at least.”
He reached over, taking one of your hands in his. “I don’t want to push you into anything, but I’ll be honest, girl, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
You opened your mouth to make a snarky comment in response and he shook his head, laughing lightly. 
“I mean the real you, not just kissin you or seeing your tiddies, although those were nice.”
You shot him a glare, reaching across the gap between you to slap his shoulder in annoyance. He laughed, holding up his hands in surrender.
“You’re so smart, way too smart for me. And fiesty, and hilarious, and sweet. I don’t know, you’re you. And I really like everything about you, all the little things even that make me feel like I got steam comin outta my ears like the Looney Tunes.”
“I…”
“Let me take you out to dinner, or breakfast, or lunch, whenever you’re free. A date though. One date and we can talk about it, whatever’s got you feeling unsure. Please?”
He was looking at you so earnestly that you couldn’t resist saying yes, suggesting lunch on Sunday just as Sean returned. He looked between you with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk. You rolled your eyes, stealing the food from him, and Derek pressed play on the movie as Sean settled back into the middle seat. 
~
You paced anxiously up and down the length of your living room, biting on a thumb nail. You paused, debating changing your outfit for the third time. Derek had said he wanted to do the whole package for a date, so he was going to pick you up at your apartment, and drive downtown. Then you’d park and walk together to lunch. It was cute. But it left you with too much time to think while you waited for the text that said he was downstairs.
It was just Derek. Derek who’d been your friend for months now, who could make you laugh no matter what, and who looked at you like you hung the moon when he thought you didn’t notice, and who made your stomach flip. Derek who you’d been fully ready and willing to sleep with a few weeks ago. But this felt different. It was a real date. It was a tipping point, maybe the start of something, or the end. 
Your phone buzzed in your hand, making you jump. 
‘Hey, I’m here. Want me to come up?’ you read. 
If he came upstairs, you could probably convince him to forget the date and the questions and the everything else to pick up where you’d left off the last time he’d been to your place. The thought was tempting. But it was only delaying the inevitable. 
‘I’ll be down in a sec,’ you fired back instead, gathering up your keys and purse and hurrying down to meet him. 
He was standing on your front step when you got downstairs, greeting you with a surprising hug, which you were happy to return, before you both stepped back and took each other in. 
“Damn,” he said with a low whistle. “You look…damn.”
You felt your cheeks flush hotly. Your outfit wasn’t something particularly fancy, but you had tried to dress nicely for him, and to take advantage of the warm spring weather.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you teased, smiling broadly at him (code for he looked absolutely jaw-droppingly sexy in his own choice of dressy-casual). 
He winked at you and then swept an arm out dramatically. “Your chariot awaits. Shall we?”
“Don’t mind if I do, kind sir,” you affected a posh accent and haughty expression before giggling and practically skipping down the stairs.
~
The drive, as usual, turned into an impromptu concert (mostly Bon Jovi today) and for the walk to the restaurant and all of lunch, conversation flowed easily. It was comfortable enough that you almost forgot that you had hesitated to agree.
“I hate to kill the mood,” he said after most of your meal was done. “But part of today was supposed be to figuring out us.”
You sighed. There was the other shoe, finally dropping.
“You’re right, it was.”
“So why do you think this is a bad idea?” he cocked an eyebrow at you.
“Straight to the point,” you observed. “I'm surprised.”
He shrugged. “Just wanna get it done. Why dance around?”
“I don’t know. We’re friends, and I like how things are. And you and Sean are friends and if we were to try this...dating or whatever thing, and it didn’t work out I don’t want to lose us or ruin your friendship or,” you sighed. “It just seems like a lot to risk.”
“Sean and I are way too close to let a girl come between us, even if that girl is you.” He smirked teasingly at you.
“Well that makes me feel a little better,” you rolled your eyes, but there was a sincerity to your words that he definitely picked up on. “What if you’re wrong, and we start dating, and it makes things awkward between you and Sean? What if it doesn’t but we break up and then Sean has to pick between his cousin and his best friend? What if we start dating and it doesn’t work out and we lose each other? Because you’re one my best friends, Derek, and I can’t even imagine what life would actually be like without you in it, but it’s a scary thought. What if—”
He reached across the table to rest his hand on top of the fingers you were drumming anxiously on the table. 
“Forget what ifs for a second.”
You looked at him skeptically.
“Just work with me. No thinking about the future. If just right now mattered, how would you feel? What would you do?”
“I don’t know. I’d feel...happy? I’d tell you that I’m having a really good time hanging out with you again, and I missed it when I got busy with finals. I’d tell you that color looks really good on you. And that you have chocolate from your pancakes on your lip, but...I think you should leave it there and let me get it…” you were blushing furiously, cheeks practically on fire, and you fought the urge to look down at the table. 
He laughed, the sound filling your chest with warmth and effervescence. With a wink, he shifted his chair around the table until his knee bumped into yours. 
“Go on then,” he murmured, angling even closer. “Live in just this moment.”
You breath caught in your throat, heart racing.
“Or should I do it for you?” 
Your tongue darted out to wet your lips and his eyes traced its path. 
“Derek…” your voice was barely above a breath. 
And then you were both leaning in, and his hand was braced on the back of your chair, and yours was on the back of his neck. Your lips were on his and his were on yours, and for a second, time and his breath and your heart all stopped. You slid your tongue across his lip and then sucked on it lightly, removing the chocolate stain as promised and making him groan softly. His hand left the chair to curl around your back, trying to angle you closer without pulling you off your chair. 
Someone cleared their throat behind you, shattering the moment and making you leap apart. The freckle-faced young waiter stood awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot.
“You...uh...I was asked to come over and tell you that…” he stammered, blushing furiously. 
“We’re disturbing the other customers and should keep the PDA for later?” you asked sheepishly, not unfamiliar with the feeling of having to deliver such messages to couples on dates. 
He nodded rapidly before turning tail and practically fleeing back to the kitchens. You couldn’t help giggling, especially when you saw the pouting look on Derek’s face. After a moment, he grinned and joined in with your laughter, until you earned another stern look from some of the older folks in the little restaurant around you. 
“Maybe we should go?” you suggested, struggling to contain yourself. “I don’t think they like us much.”
“Probably,” he answered, quickly waving down someone to bring your check. 
As you walked out together, you impulsively stepped closer. You were just passing through the door and into the afternoon sunshine when you laid your head on Derek’s shoulder, making him stiffen for a moment, before he shifted his stance to make it more comfortable for the both of you, looping an arm around your waist.
“So,” he said as you wandered like that down the sidewalk in no particular direction.
“Hm?” 
“What’s this mean then?”
“It means that I like you, a lot. And I like this...us...thing. And I’m still scared, but I want to give it a shot?”
“Okay.” You could practically hear the grin in his voice as his arm tightened to pull you closer.
“And if you ever break my heart, I’ll break your foot.”
“Why my foot?” he laughed.
“Because it’s easy-ish. And it makes it harder for you to leave.”
“Ah, I see. Going a little Annie Wilkes on me?”
“You’ve seen Misery?”
“No. But I liked the book.”
You tilted your head to look more fully at him, gaping. 
“What? Am I not allowed to be a Stephen King fan?”
“You never cease to surprise me, Derek Sandoval.”
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asterekmess · 4 years ago
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S3A - E8
I’m realizing just how damn far behind I am on working on season 3, but I don’t wanna skip any episodes of the rewatch, so let’s get to it! Double time, double time!
Content warnings for discussion of cannibalism.
Forewarning, this one is a doozy, so be prepared to Read More:
Lesgo!:
First thing’s first, Derek has experience with those awful sound thingies? Can you imagine how freaked he must’ve been seeing Chris bring those out when they were tracking Boyd and Erica?
Also, Chris Argent has been hunting Derek one way or another since he was a child. Even BEFORE Kate. Why the hell do we have a Derek & Chris broness in the later seasons? This kind of shit doesn’t just go away. I can’t believe I forgot about it.
I love how awkward sweet bby Derek is trying to run through the trees and tripping on branches everywhere. It’s honestly so much more realistic for a teenager than just the crazy cgi stuff. Also, since we know Derek is comfortable in the woods, it really gives you a hint as to how truly messed up he is from fear right now. He’s off balance in a dozen ways.
DEREK HAS BEEN WATCHING PEOPLE DIE IN FRONT OF HIM SINCE HE WAS 15. I’m gonna CRY. If I wanna hurt myself even More, you could argue that the Random Beta (RB) got shot bc he stopped to talk to Derek. So...guilty minds would assume Derek has been watching people die because of him since 15. I hate everything.
PETER comin’ in clutch. Also, hilarious that they use that arrow catching move so much.
I almost like how they tried to make Gerard look younger by just having him wear a douchey leather jacket instead of the serious grandpa one he wears in S2. He swaggers over to the body of RB, and it’s hilarious.
Okay, what is this bullshit about “Bring them back alive, we go by the code?” If you were going by the code then you wouldn’t be fucking hunting them AT ALL. They’re innocent! Why the fuck are you ‘bringing them back’ in the first place? Chris, you piece of shit. This is supposed to demonstrate that you’ve always been a stickler for the code, but all it does is emphasize how little that code actually means. “We hunt those who hunt us.” Fuck off, you hunt anything you deem ‘dangerous’ and find excuses to kill them so you can feel righteous.
Gonna casually note that RB was shot in the Throat with an arrow, but bc of makeup necessities they moved the arrow down to his chest when he’s shown on the ground. It’s funny. :)
It’s seriously so hard to hate Peter, do the writers realize that? Like, yes, he did horrible shit and I’m not denying that, but when you show him running into the hunter-filled woods to save his nephew’s life at 24 years old, then hiding with him in a cellar for two fucking days when he could probably have escaped on his own, it’s hard to see him as a heartless bastard.
I’m almost afraid to find out why Cora knows the details. Can you imagine? She would’ve been, what, 9-10? Her big brother and uncle both go missing for two days after a hunt and she had to stay at home waiting for someone to say they’d found their bodies. God, the lives of the Hales are so fucked up.
The rain is really making the mood here.
I gotta say, I’m confused about this initial Cora-Stiles interaction. He goes on about everyone who’s died or nearly died, but then Cora assumes he wants Derek to do something about the deaths, and Stiles agrees? Except that Derek currently fits the COD that all the other sacrifices have hit. Missing for about two days. Everything Stiles has said implies that he’s worried Derek is also dead. I don’t get why they go with ‘I’m worried about the missing man that I’ve been helping for the last four months because I blame him for the Alphas even coming to town”?
One thing they got on point here is just how disgusting they made Gerard. The slime and the spitting and ugh *shudders* it’s just so gross.
I’m also...I think intrigued is the right word--that they shoved this whole story into the episode without ever addressing the fact that Derek IS missing and they should go looking for him or something. It starts with Stiles asking where the hell he is, but then everything else is about this past moment. Talk about going off on a tangent. I mean, I don’t blame them, but if I shoved this much character background into one chapter people would call me out for the infodump that it is.
Which is all this episode is. Info-dumped exposition. Here’s how werewolves were made. Here’s why Derek’s cranky. Here’s why Duke’s an asshole. Here’s why the Hales are ‘special’
Again, I don’t blame them. It’s just...a lot.
Just a tiny thing: Why do they both roll up their sleeves when Scott only has to touch Gerard’s hand?
It is also very hard to believe that either Allison or Scott are remotely good people when they’re both lying to everyone about Gerard’s existence.
*finger guns, bc now i have to use the tag* I think this is the longest I’ve ever gotten before using it.
Another thing: Why does Gerard make the gross noises like he’s in pain, when we know it doesn’t hurt to get the pain taken away from him? It certainly didn’t hurt that lady in the ER.
I know this is a weird thing to notice, but I find it interesting that Paige is wearing actual makeup. Not just the ‘natural’ look, but eyeshadow that’s visibly dark. *shrug*
Is she Actually playing the cello? The notes Don’t look like they match up with her bowing and fingerings.
HA that music cut in is fucking Hilarious. Derek turns around like he’s in a teen rom-com, with that casual “I never stop smiling all the way bc I’m the coolest guy around” grin and the music just WHAM. That’s right, Derek Hale used to be a JOCK. He didn’t used to be ‘a lot like Scott.’ He was a lot like JACKSON.
So, this group of cronies Derek has. What is that about? He’s gotta have that posse just like Jackson did in S1? Unnamed people to cackle at his jokes.
Paige’s face, right there? That is the SHIT for me. That’s not hidden attraction, that’s genuinely “What the fuck is my life, why are you so lame?” and I am LIVING for it.
Derek peacocking is also hilarious. Peacocking so hard he (THE WEREWOLF) didn’t notice that she’d left the hall, is even more so.
I hate to tell you this Paige, but THAT is where I could tell you liked him. Giving in to his bullshit offer was the first step, that look on your face when he said, “Hold on” was Blatant “Holy shit, my crush wants to talk to me” but then all you idiots did was make eye contact. Paige, if you’re trying to get the ball, try looking away from those pretty eyes, okay?
Derek, you always go too far. You can see Paige lose interest when she realizes that he’s not actually into Her, he’s into showing off.
OOOF, i guess they weren’t such good friends after all, cus’ they left when Paige did.
I also feel the need to point out Derek is WEARING A CHECKERED SHIRT. *inarticulate screaming* Everyone who makes jokes about him thinking plaid is disgusting owes me five bucks bc he CLEARLY didn’t think checkers/plaid were that bad when he was in high school.
I’ll admit...the instant sorry is like...really good. If they’d had him come in and be More of a dick and then end up together, I’d be a lot more bugged. But his First real introduction to her is an apology.
THEN he goes back to being a dick. But at least this time it’s not about him, he wants to know about Her.
And I LOVE the turnaround! THIS is flirting. THIS is cute teasing. She plays his game Back at him, shows her own skill and forces him to get on her level. Then he weasels out of it, but in a Cute Way.
If there’s one thing that I’m routinely impressed by in TW it’s the scoring. They’re Really good with music to fit the moods and the vibes of the whole episode. For instance, all the transition music in this episode is Cello, bc it’s about Paige.
I hate agreeing with Gerard on Anything, but he makes a good point about the Dark Druid taking and killing someone else right alongside Deaton. Why would she take 4 people when she only needed three? She wouldn’t know that Deaton got a message out or that Scott would save Deaton. Plus the addition of the mountain ash circle is kind of weird, don’t you think?
Yah, I have no clue why your body is producing anything Either. You literally make no sense and you shouldn’t be alive. Period. Bringing you back was a lazy way to have someone who could be a sub-sub plot and hand out exposition and red herrings that are totally useless.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT GERARD? You weren’t There when Deucalion found out he could still see with his Alpha Eyes (Which makes no sense btw, he doesn’t have TWO sets of eyes???) and if you’d interacted with Deuc since then he’d have ripped you to shreds.
SERIOUSLY people, why the FUCK are we getting this information from Gerard when it makes WAY more sense for Deaton to tell them this? He was THERE for the whole thing!
I get that the point of the episode is supposed to be “Unreliable Narrators” (The whole show has an unreliable narrator.) but you had that covered with Peter’s story. You could’ve Instilled TRUST in Deaton by making a contrast and having Deaton TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Show the difference between reliable and unreliable. Gerard doesn’t need to be here!
Stiles, asking the real questions.
AND GETTING THE MOST BULLSHIT ANSWER IN THE UNIVERSE.
Could these writers GET any lazier? Put some fucking effort in and give us some information about Werewolves IN YOUR WEREWOLF TV SHOW.
What the fuck were Paige and Derek into that they knew where an abandoned distillery was when it wasn’t even in TOWN? And you’re telling me they left town every time they wanted to make out? Even worse, are you implying they had SEX in that distillery? And then trying to tell me that none of the fucking Alphas and their packs noticed the smell of Derek and his girlfriend all over the building?
...what...do people seriously not remember being teenagers? What the fuck Peter? In what fucking universe  is “one minute it’s ‘i hate you, don’t talk to me’ the next it’s frantic groping in any dark corner’ remotely accurate to real life?
Teenagers in the majority don’t DO that. I really fucking hate that all teenagers are made out to be like this. Like they’re “run by their hormones” and “everything is sex to you” STOP. Seriously, STOP. Saying shit like that completely negates the fact that Teenagers are Real fucking People. They’re not just buckets of hormones and sweat that need to be shaped into an adult. They’re fucking PEOPLE and reducing them to sex-crazed idiots is lazy and stupid.
Are you ALSO telling me that the hunters dragged RB’s DEad Body to an abandoned building, then strung the corpse up and cut it in half? AND that someone happened to go the abandoned building and found the body and called the cops, or that they MOVEd the two halves somewhere they would be found, Or that They were the ones to call and report the body?
Has teen wolf got even a Single brain cell?
ALSO, what the fuck is this timeline? Derek and Peter went missing for two days after RB was killed, but the packs don’t get together to discuss RB’s death until After Derek has run out of the building with Paige because he could smell blood from RB being hemisected. So, they waited at Least two days before talking to each other about RB’s death? And Derek apparently recovered Instantaneously from his two day nightmare and went right back to macking on his girlfriend and laughing freely the Day he was found? Or did they wait even longer? I’m so fucking confused!
Okay, you tell me that this place is their favorite makeout/groping spot, but they seriously just walk in the door and start kissing in the middle of the room? You guys didn’t bring some blankets and pillows here? You’re gonna stand there the whole time?
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING PETER A PERVERT? He was fucking watching his nephew make out with his girlfriend through the wall??? WHat is WRONG with you?
ALSO, Cora was alive and active in Derek’s life at that point. She wasn’t That young. She could easily point out that Peter being Derek’s best friend is total bullshit if it weren’t actually true. Which means Peter is telling the TRUTH here. Hell, she doesn’t call out his heartbeat for lies the entire time, and while they imply at the end of the episode that Really Good Liars can just force their heart to be steady while lying so they don’t get caught, that isn’t a thing for the entire rest of the show. Derek trusts KATE when she says she’s not lying. So the evidence actually points toward Peter telling the TRUTH in this entire episode.
THAT is accurate to teenagers. Using the word “like” and “liking” so many times in a conversation that it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore.
Paige...dude, I’m so torn. Like I’m glad you’re being honest with Derek about your worries, but also it’s a complete dick move to just Assume that he’s gonna bail? To say to his face that you Know he’s leaving you and you’re just waiting for it? Fucking rude.
Ennis...bro...how exactly did your Beta “Accidentally” kill a hunter? How would that happen?
AGAIN WITH THE TIMELINE. If the packs only CAME to beacon hills because of Ennis issue with the hunters, why was RB running through beacon hills when he was killed?
Also, side note: Where are all of these werewolves staying? Are they territorial so they like, all claimed different hotels to take over? Or do they not mind, and THAT’S why the Hale house is so big for such a small family? Because they had a ton of guest rooms for packs that visited to get that sweet, sweet Hale Wisdom?
I firmly believe that werewolves are clothing-optional people. Talia straight shifts into a naked human form in front of over a dozen other wolves.
Also, where the hell is the Hale pack here? Some random chick comes up and gives Talia a robe, but that person is standing with Deuc’s pack. So....what?
I’m so curious about the formation the wolves make when they hear Talia coming. Everybody backs away, except Deucalion. And they do this weird focus on his face as he watches her come in. And her eye contact is JUST with him.
OH GROSS. DID DEUC HAVE A THING FOR DEREK’S MOM????
I will admit that watching things with subtitles sometimes ruins the surprise. There’s that little pause before “I’m just a deputy” like it was supposed to be shocking to the audience, but the subtitle on Amazon Prime just Pops up right away and it kind of ruins the effect.
Here we go! The one piece of concrete information on “Packs” and “pack members” that we’re given in the whole fucking show. Word for Word. “Losing a member of your pack isn’t like losing family, it’s like you lose a limb.”
That is....severe. Now imagine that your entire family IS your pack. And losing almost every one of them. Is it any wonder that Cora, Peter, and Derek are so messed up? That they’re so dark and wounded looking?
I s2g sometimes Peter literally just sounds like he’s a self-insert for the writers. He explains shit that the writer’s are showing Really Badly as if to wave away the fact that the Ennis flashback is pretty much Completely unnecessary. “You just don’t understand my artistic genius, it’s never just a single moment, it’s a confluence of events. I have to show you all these random flashbacks because you need to understand why Derek is soaked in MANPAIN all the time. Which is totally relevant to the current plot bc....bc....bc ART (and also Tyler Hoechlin was busy so we could only get one shot of him for the entire episode)”
That is just the cutest shit oh my god. Derek listens to Paige’s music while he’s in class and doing homework. THAT is love, you realize? He doesn’t just deal with her dedication to her music, he loves it.
THat little wince when he says “Are you sure about that?” Paige knows he’s gonna screw with her.
THAT IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. He gives her space! She likes studying during lunch so he Leaves her Alone. I LIKE IT.
What do you mean “Laura told you about the packs being here.” Derek KNOWS they’re here because he watched RB DIE IN THE WOODS. Seriously, I”M SO CONFUSED.
FUN FACT (that I might’ve already shared) Oak wood was liked by the Celts because it was really sturdy and hardy and bore food, but it wasn’t their favorite type of wood! Rowan was the favorite, and Irish pagan practitioners used to sleep in rowan trees so they could have prophetic dreams. After that, it was Hazelwood. :P
I...do not enjoy when they bring up the Celtic Druids. *Scuttles to get my textbook bc this is my nerd shit*
“We’re in a Nemeton” This is the correct wording, actually! A “Nemeton” isn’t a thing, it’s a “sacred meeting place” as Chris calls it. Go chris! Nemeton refers to the entire grove/area around the main tree.
I can’t speak to whether they chose a ‘Large, older tree in a grove” but it does make sense bc if we’re talking about Oaks they were a symbol of food and safety (acorns were a staple to Celtic diets) so choosing an older tree would not only look more impressive, but it would probably bear more acorns for the clan.
“It would represent the center of the world” *Puts on vine voice* THat is NOt Correct! The tree at the center of the Nemeton was called a “crann bethadh” or “Tree of Life” and it was essentially a Totem that marked the center of the tribe’s territory. It was not ‘the center of the world’ it was the center of THEIR world. Their land.
“There was a belief that cutting or harming the tree would cause serious problems for the surrounding villages” Not sure if ‘villages’ is the correct term for the era, but the rest of it sounds like a close mistranslation. See, in Ireland there were raids people would do against other clans where the SOLE PURPOSE was to destroy their crann bethadh, because it was demoralizing. It’s like graffiti-ing the front of a church. But technically, it WAS severely frowned upon to harm the tree in any way.
This is mostly because in most Celtic areas, Oak trees were considered symbols of the “Father of the Sky” or the “God of Thunder.” Of course you don’t wanna piss off Thunder man.
Also, you notice how I’m saying CELTS and not DRUIDS. It’s because DRUID isn’t a cultural label, it’s a SOCIAL CLASS. It’s like saying “The Educated”
Okay, back to the--OH WAIT. Before anyone gets any ideas, the blood on the crann bethadh isn’t human. Estonian Celts smeared animal blood on the tree roots as an assurance for rain and good harvests. This is the same concept as TONS of other religions, including Christianity. (Abraham was supposed to sacrifice his son, Isaac, to God, but God stopped him and had him sacrifice a Ram instead. So, Yes. Christians used to perform animal sacrifices.)
NOW back to the show.
THe fact that gerard doesn’t know this stuff implies that Chris is the nerd of the family.
I LIKE THIS. I hate that I like it bc it’s Gerard, but I LIKE IT. Gerard gets up from his wheelchair. He doesn’t need it All the Time.
I’ve never seen another show that bothered to have a wheelchair user who wasn’t wheelchair-bound, which is stupid because it’s Very Common for people using wheelchairs to not need them all the time.
though it does beg the question of why he’s sitting in a wheelchair when he’s in his own bedroom? Was he going somewhere? Or did he know he wouldn’t have enough chairs and didn’t want Allison or Scott to sit in his chair?
The story of Lycaon, who was considered a savage ruler of Arcadia and Zeus went to his house disguised as a human (this is v common in myth) to find out if he was batshit. Lycaon and his FIFTY SONS (he also had one daughter) wanted to know if the stranger was a human or a mortal, so they fed him human flesh in stew. Zeus flipped shit and blasted the room with thunderbolts, murdering all but one of Lycaon’s sons, and then turned Lycaon into a wolf.
So...this whole ‘myth of lycaon’ is totally fucked up when it didn’t need to be? Like, they didn’t NEED to change it to make it a messed up origin story of wolves. It already was.
There’s three major versions to choose from
Lycaon was a pius man who founded the city of Lycosura on Mount Lycaeus and used a child as a sacrifice to Zeus, thinking it would please him. Zeus flips shit and turns Lycaon into a wolf. FROM THEN ON; at every sacrifice made to zeus a man was transformed into a wolf and if he managed to restrain himself from eating human flesh for 8-9 years, he would be turned human again.
The same story as the first, except Lycaon Knew Zeus was in disguise and the child he fed him was Zeus’ own son, and it was revenge for seducing his only daughter Callisto.
If you want to make it match what you’ve already said about wolves in the show, they could’ve used the last one and it would’ve demonstrated how Ingrained the concept of vendetta/revenge is for wolves.
If you wanted to focus on the Turning Human part and working with Celtic Druids to learn to become werewolves, you could’ve used the second one.
there was no reason to add in the bullshit about Prometheus except as an excuse to make Deucalion look like he picked his name to be an asshole, which he fucking didn’t.
 I’m so sorry about all the classical shit (i’m really not) but I studied it in college and I can’t just let this bullshit stand.
I’ll give them a pass on the ‘the lesser known part’ bc it’s technically plausible for the wolves to have run north to the Celts and beg for help, And the Druids (those who’s education was specifically in magic, not all of them) were known for shapeshifting (though not usually into animals. They did that to Other people, not themselves)
I cannot believe this is so long, i’m so sorry.
But WHY tho, Cora? How is an Emissary supposed to keep you connected to humanity if No ONe KNows Who They Are?? How are they supposed to do their job??
Yeah, well now Deaton is a sour bitch who has a chip on his shoulder against the Hale pack so like...fuck his advice.
I will say though! Pre-fire Deaton doesn’t give me the heebies like post-fire Deaton. He’s much more clear about the advice he’s giving, and it’s actually helpful! He still has a dumb little anecdote/parable about the scorpion and the frog (which...in most circumstances I hate. It doesn’t even match what happens) but he gives Real Advice instead of vague asshole nonsense.
“I’m an Alpha, I never walk alone.” I have an inordinate affection for this line.
Paige is clearly some kinda bad bitch if she thought nothing of going to hang out in the school in the middle of the night with Derek.
Okay, but like...why would he attack Ennis like that if he was the one who asked him to bite Paige? And why is the moment played up “A fifteen-year-old boy against a giant” Derek was literally swatted to the side while Ennis walked out of the building. this wasn’t some big showdown.
If she’d already been bitten, why was Ennis still grabbing at her??
....seriously? Peter is literally right there? And no one noticed?
Again with the “Scott is a genius now” LIsten, bro, why the fuck would Scott know a sanskrit fable? If he Did know a story like that, it would be bc Deaton taught him. In which case he would know the FROG and the scorpion. Come on, guys.
OH MY GOD GERARD DOES IT TOO. GERARD, PETER, AND DEUC all have a CHRONIC case of verbal diarrhea when they’re trying to be intimidating.
I do NOT understand this warehouse scene. It’s a GAS gerard, if you stabbed yourself with some sort of...antidote or whatever it wouldn’t save you from the GAS you’re inhaling. At the very least you would be shouting like everyone else because it HURTS going in.
why did it take so long for Talia to come? It’s implied that Peter left to get her, so why did it take so long? Even PAST peter looks fucked up at seeing that Paige is dying, it’s not like he would wait.
I’ll be real, i get weepy so i’m skipping the actual death. Just know that it hurts me. Severely.
Y’all know how much I hate this ‘innocent life’ bullshit for blue eyes. It’s very True Alpha-y in that it’s impossible to pin down the specifics. What constitutes an ‘innocent life’? What constitutes taking it? With wolf claws? With a gun? What counts and what doesn’t count? Ugh.
Eyyy, so I’m exhausted and this is so long that my computer is fritzing. There are five minutes left and nothing happens in them at all. Just Scott pointing out the heartbeat thing and threatening to kill Gerard (so he’s still fine with murder at this point in time. Good to know). Stiles telling Cora that he doesn’t think Peter was telling the truth (which she would Know if he wasn’t) and that he’s gonna ask Derek about it (which we never got to see). And Deucalion murdering his own Beta (who, tbf, tried to kill him first. Which, again, what the fuck is up with Deaton’s office that wolves are able to rip each other apart in it, but it’s still ‘hard for someone like Scott to cause me any trouble.’ I’m just so confused
Final Thoughts: This episode actually had some interesting stuff in it, which is kind of sad considering there was no PLOT, just Exposition. I look forward to tweezing the bits out that I want and dumping the rest in the garbage where it belongs. Oh, and like I said, the music was on Point.
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wellthatwasaletdown · 3 years ago
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Larrie posts would get 10s of thousands of likes. It was like a huge wave that carried you along.//// I was there. And honestly, I still go through some Larry theories once In a while. Just for fun. I recently read one of the scarlet letter and how both HL signaled their lives pertaining to the themes of the book- and it’s prob just a coincidence and the person who wrote it is obvs delulu but damn was it Interesting. Especially as a literature geek, that was a fun post to read. Very engaging. Bulletproof larrys blog is a hilarious place. And I am absolutely not a Larrie bc I just don’t have the time and energy to read into this now unlikely theory anymore. Not when all logic points to it being false all along. And not when the cult leaders are doll lady and Gina the fan fic lady. Both misogynistic assholes who are solo harries in disguise.
But the 1d fandom has been such a core part of my life that I simply cannot let it go. And why would I if I love being here? My happiest memories are 1D concerts and tumblr discussions and jokes and all types of ppl who ship different things and have different lanes and opinions coming together to just have fun. Like the day Eleanor and Lou broke up most of us were genuinely there for each other, just making jokes and talking abt how we miss and love her(bc god was 2015 a mess and what came after was all the crazy theories and confusing times). Only the toxic larries like I doll lady and lassurex(I think?) were being assholes that day and onward. The tumblr community on here was, by in large, a wonderful (dare I say safe for my introverted ass w only online friends at the time) place. And this fandom was SO SO SO huge that we usually squashed the rude peeps under a boot and went back to making jokes.
I do have plenty of friends who are still Larry shippers/larries, engage in the fandom, etc. It isn’t that deep for me or them- we’re just doing our thing. And they’re Def not toxic or crazy like the cult leaders. They’re just spectating and agreeing w certain things. I can’t relate- but I don’t like argue w them. I’m still streaming their music till this day( u can’t tell me what a feeling isn’t a BOP like it’s a B O P). (And strong has no right making me feel things in 2021). I still play the last 3 albums a couple times a month.I still watch some old videos and interviews where their youthful and vibrant personalities shine through… especially the ones from the midnight memories era bc that was the best era. I still read Larry fics(💀) bc it’s just fun. One of the best things I’ve ever read is that young & beautiful fan fiction. Truly a skilled writer. And yes in a fictional world I do ship it idc if all the other anons will have my head for it. The chemistry was v much there during those years, U won’t convince me otherwise. U can’t make me Unsee what I still see when I watch those interviews and vids. I do see the nature of their relationship during those years as suspicious and very intense and idgaf if I’m just crazy for it cus I’m not actively pushing it and pretending I know the facts. And fuck is it fun to do these things in my free time. And that’s the purpose of fandom. To have fun. None of this is that deep. And this was a fandom for those of us born in the 90s/early 2000s. Our middle school or high school or college years WERE these 5 kids. Some maintained their authenticity. Some fell off. Some- Idk. Some’s solo stuff I enjoy, some I don’t. Some I think are secretly assholes cough mr homewrecker, the rest I think are good at their core(Exept Liam I’m eh on him but I wish him the very best.) I don’t Stan them per se anymore(though I’m still emotionally attached to 1/2 of the Larry ship cough it’s not the one we hate on), but they’ll always mean a lot to me. And when any of them drop an album I will listen. Even when hs3 drops I’ll be a masochist and listen to him whine about cockburn. That’s just what it means to be a directioner. And yk what the Larry ship was so much fun for us fans but it caused sm harm to these real ppl- I wish ppl would’ve accepted it’s just a fantasy of two men who just have this intense chemistry, and likely a deep bond(that WASNT A ROMANCE.) I wish ppl would’ve accepted it when they denied it, even if their behavior was, like I said, intense and suspicious, it’s not the fandoms business. These boys were overworked asf I’m sure they didn’t appreciate us bugging them 24/7 abt it. And clearly, larries were wrong abt their perception of this bond. And if Larry ever were something *more* it’s sure as hell over now. Mr Donny chav and mr homewrecker probably never want a teenager daughter who’s allowed on the internet bc us teenage girls basically ruined a lot for them. And yk what? I feel guilt for the very minimal part I played in it. Even if it was never too serious for me- I should’ve called out some Tin hat behavior some mutuals displayed.
.
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ajokeformur-ray · 5 years ago
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okay so what about getting asleep on the sofa while watching TV and then he wakes you up to go to bed and he's just so happy you're by his side that he dances with you around the room like he does with penny and you're still sleepy and you murmur 'we better dance like this at our wedding, future husband' hhhhf im SOFT
I’m soft omg this is the life ????? also I love that shoulder thing he does in this scene ugh. He’s such a cutie pie.
Warnings: swearing, smoking (why do I still bother tagging these?) and implied nsfw at the end. You may need to bite a pillow to keep from squealing, this is soft.
word count: 1, 981.
The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @mapreza1 @insomniabird@mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek  @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @rebs-doom @vivft@help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @that-s-life @dopey-girl-blogs @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox @mardema @jibanyyan @honeyflvredcoughdrop @emissarydecksetter @jokerfleckk @epidendroideae @chuuntas @stillmabel @pumpkinpeyes@onehystericalqueenposts @the-jokers-wolf @nalsswa @justahyena @arianatheangelworld @soullessblondbitch @gothamslittlejester @twentyonestarrynights @sirianfromsixties
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You were exhausted.
All day had you had to be in contact with people. You hadn’t had a free moment to yourself. Even when you had gone outside your university to have a cigarette, people had wanted stuff to do with you. It hadn’t been more than an hour since leaving the apartment building that you had wanted to go home again. At least Arthur didn’t socially wear you out; one look at you and it seemed like he could read your entire mood, and know what to do to be around you peacefully, without causing you any sort of distress. He was an actual angel and you didn’t know where you would be without him. Your entire life revolved around Arthur, and though you knew that that was mildly unhealthy, you also knew that you wouldn’t have it any other way. He was the kind of man to demand that all eyes were on him. He was unaware of the beauty of his own self, and that only increased his allure, somehow.
When Arthur had finally come home from work late in the evening, just as tired and worn down as you were, you had already been curled up on the sofa, ready to go to sleep. Instead, however, you had jumped up with more physical energy than you thought you had left in you, such was the effect he had on you, and reheated his dinner, spoken to Arthur about his day, and made him feel loved. Loving Arthur Fleck was a gift, but it seemed almost surreal for him to love you back just as hard, if not even more than you loved him. He felt deeply, which meant that he hurt deeply, and rarely could he experience a single day without another punch to the face. Sometimes, life expressed that particular sentiment physically, and you were always there with a gentle touch to patch up his wounds. It was the emotional ones which required more tender loving care, and you only gladly obliged. He deserved the entire fucking world, and though you couldn’t physically give it to him, you could make him feel like he was on top of it.
When at last all your daily responsibilities, stresses and duties had been tended to, Arthur had invited you to sit beside him on the sofa. The Murray show was on, but you weren’t concentrating on it. Not only did you not like the host - he was a rude man who preyed on other people to get a cued laugh from the paid audience and sometimes you found yourself wishing that someone would just permanently shut him up - but you were just so tired. You leaned easily against Arthur’s upper arm, feeling his body heat radiate through his thin cotton shirt. Naturally did his arm curl around your shoulders, pulling you snugly against him. You shifted so that you were pressed completely against his side, his body warding off the chill in the apartment; the heating was just too expensive, even and most especially given that it was winter and therefore, the government could get away with putting up the prices because of the ‘supply and demand’. It was bullshit, but what could you do? You were a working class citizen working to the bone just to survive and therefore, you had no real voice and no power of your own.
You were asleep before you knew it. The scent of cigarette smoke kept your own nicotine craving at bay, and the feeling of Arthur pressed tightly against you and the gentle smell of his cologne kept you in that secured lull which promised a good night’s sleep in preparation for all that was waiting for you tomorrow. You couldn’t wait for Sunday; it was your Day with Arthur. Once a week, every Sunday, did you only make plans for each other. You didn’t leave the apartment on Sundays, anything important could wait until the following day, and so you were left to indulge in each other in whatever means were most appealing on that day. Often, you stayed in the bedroom and played card games, smoking together and watching Charlie Chaplin re-runs.
The first thing that you became distantly aware of was that the bed you were lying against was moving in a steady rise and fall. There was a rumbling just under your ear and then Arthur’s gentle, patient tone threatened to send you right back to sleep.
“Y/N, darling. Come on, it’s time for bed.”
You groaned. “Nope. Sleeping. Shush.”
Another rumble ran through Arthur’s chest and bubbled up and out of his throat, the sound creating a lovely laugh. You adored it when he laughed genuinely. It was such a rare sound and you cherished it, so different was it to the terrifying attacks he so often experienced. 
“No,” Arthur hummed, “You gotta help me get you to bed. I can’t carry you.”
You sighed sleepily and sat up. Arthur laughed both at the expression on your face and the way your hair was sticking up on one side, laying completely flat on the other. 
“Sleepy head.” He teased, his eyes soft and full of love for you. The harsh blue light from the television screen illuminated the dark circles under his green eyes, and you felt guilty. Had you kept him awake while he waited for you to stir?
You stood, taking Arthur’s hand, and he pulled you close to his chest, swaying with you. He spun you slowly, a sweet smile on his face. His hair was fluffy, freshly washed, the dark curls framing either side of his forehead. His waistcoat was perfectly matched with his trousers, and he looked so ethereal. He was heaven sent. As he pulled you close again to dance with you without music, your sleep addled brain failed to consider the potential consequences of your next words.
“I want to dance like this with you at our wedding, future husband.” Your eyes were already sliding shut as you relaxed against his chest.
Time seemed to stop as your words seeped into your brain. Arthur froze and you even felt him stop breathing.
You weren’t tired any more as reality doused you awake just as surely as a cold bucket of water tipped over you would. You stared at Arthur’s still chest, not blinking, your entire body trained on the person in front of you, his hands still tightly gripping you.
A shuddered inhale. A bubble of quiet laughter. Silence.
“What… what did you just say?”
You dared to look up into those beautiful green eyes you so adored. You had memorised that face so well that you could recall it perfectly even in your sleep. Many a night had you fallen asleep staring at it, hoping that its features would find you in your dreams.
Little did you know that your wildest dreams weren’t inside your mind, but physically present in the bed with you.
“What is your shirt made of?” You reached out and plucked the sleeve of his shirt between your thumb and forefinger. You had a reason for the apparent sudden change in topic. You would make your point known in all the ways you could think of. It was the least you could do for Arthur.
“No, Y/N, what did you - “
“I’m getting there.” You smiled patiently, pleading with him inside your mind to go along with you.
Arthur nodded, sighed and seemed to accept that you would repeat yourself when you had had your fun as, with a slight bite of impatience, he said, “I don’t know, cotton or something. Please tell me what you said.” His voice was quieter towards the end of the sentence. Did he think it was a joke to you?
You shook your head and made sure to look him straight in the eyes. “No.” You disagreed. “It’s made of husband material.”
You saw some pre-existing spark in his eyes explode into a fire as the most beautiful smile lit up Arthur’s entire face like a christmas tree. You hadn’t intended to say this here and now, but your mouth had made the decision for you, as it so often did when you were tired. Actually, scrap that - your mouth often made your decisions for you, and your brain was left to figure out the aftermath. Your brain to mouth filter had always been faulty, even more so when you were tired.
“Wait here.” Quick as a flash were you gone, disappeared into the bedroom. You left Arthur’s arms feeling empty with naught for company but the ghost of your touch. Like a whirlwind, you were back just as quickly as you had gone. 
In your hand was a small black box, which was clenched painfully in your grip. Ready? Go!
“Here.”
You handed it to a wide eyed Arthur. His hands were shaking and nearly did he drop the box. He sought to cup it in his hands. “W-what… I don’t -” Laughter. Cruel and painful laughter ripped its way out of your love’s throat, making him cross his arms over his shoulders as he buried his face in the material of his work shirt. He doubled over, turned his back to you, and violent chuckles threatened to destroy the very gentle, loving atmosphere that had naturally occurred when the two of you were together. 
You put a hand on his back, rubbing up and down his spine, feeling the different vertebrae through his clothing. You said nothing, you only stayed, and that meant so much more to Arthur than anything else that you could have done. Guilt racked him as he squeezed his eyes shut. He had ruined the moment. You had just presented your future together to him on a silver platter, the entire scene practically gift wrapped in its perfection, and he had ruined it with his condition. As he quieted to hiccups and straightened up, breathing in deeply, you said, “Don’t you dare think you’ve ruined anything, Arthur.”
He hiccuped, “But - “
“No.” You smiled gently to take the bite out of your words, and pulled him into a hug. Immediately did your fingers find the dark curls at the nape of his neck. Arthur’s head sunk down onto your shoulders, taller than you was he, and he pressed his nose into your jugular. His lips soothed the day’s tension away, and you allowed him to lavish you with kisses.
Slowly did you realise that he hadn’t answered your question.
“Arthur.”
Something in your voice caught his attention and he straightened up.
“Are you gonna’ answer my question?”
“Wait… you weren’t. You weren’t joking?” He was so incredulous, so disbelieving, that you couldn’t help it. Your jaw dropped. Did he really think so little of himself? You didn’t even need to think about it. Yes. Yes, he did.
“I would never fucking do that.”
Arthur looked down to the floor in shame, and you found the fallen box - he must have dropped it during his sudden attack - and picked it up, dusting it off. You opened it to reveal a set of modest antique rings. It was the best you could afford. The design was plain and simple but elegant. 
“So, how about it? Will you marry me, Arthur?”
The ferocity with which he kissed you took you aback, as again and again did he mumble “yes” against your lips. Your legs somehow found his waist, and it was with speedy movements and little care for the late hour that you showed Arthur just how much you had meant your question. The rings lay abandoned on the living room table; you would put them on each other tomorrow. For now, you would consummate the as yet unofficial but official vow to love each other in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part.
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here we are, folks, mama's gonna write another one of these things so sit down and enjoy some post-hoco peter starts to fall for mj shits
sigh why do i even bother
Caught Stealing
Peter likes to think he's been doing pretty good at this whole superhero thing for quite a while now; saving people, giving directions, catching thieves. Things have been going pretty great.
But the one thief he didn't expect to show up on his radar was one that didn't even show up when he was in spidey-mode, oh no, this one showed up when he was regular ol' peter parker for crying out loud. Just one day at another one of these acadec meetings, Peter Parker saw MJ try to steal a glance at him while he was on a call with Happy, and his brain was left on buffer for the rest of the call, the meeting, and pretty much the entire week after.
"Hey, Ned, hav you ever seen MJ like... look at me?" Peter asks Ned in the cafeteria while MJ wasn't there yet (he's brave enough to go through flames with a broken leg to save Liz's supervillain dad but hell if he's brave enough to talk about a potential crush just mere feet near said crush).
"Yes," answered Ned without even looking, and just continued eating his tuna sandwich lunch.
"What!?" Peter exclaims slightly loudly making him take a look around him to see if anyone (MJ) might have noticed. To his relief, no one did what with all the conversations happening in the cafeteria and MJ still wasn't there. "When were you going to tell me?"
Ned swallows the bite he just took, "I thought you did know."
"Well, clearly I didn't. I've been pretty busy with ~something~ as you know."
"Pfftt yeah and you were also crushing pretty hard on Liz if I can also recall."
"Okay, okay fine whatever, we've already established I've been busy. I just- how long have you known? Or how long have you noticed it was going on?"
"You seriously haven't noticed?" Ned asks genuinely a bit shocked that Peter didn't know.
"Dude, I'm telling you I haven't-" Peter repeats for the nth time, frustrated he still doesn't know how long this has been going on. "How long?"
Ned lets out a chuckle of disbelief, "Pretty much since halfway through freshman year, bro. Wow, I can't believe you really haven't noticed. Some Peter-tingle you've got there."
Peter lets out a huff of frustration, "It doesn't work that way. And ugh can you please not call it the Peter-tingle? I already get enough of that from Aunt May."
Ned turns his hands up in defeat and just proceeds to continue eating his lunch again.
"I can't believe this, has it really been going on for that-"
"Hey, losers," MJ greets to their table, finally showing up to their usual spot.
"MJ!" Peter almost shouts from shock. Man, Ned might be right, his (ugh) Peter-tingle just wasn't working right now.
MJ snorts from Peter's reaction, "Yes, Peter, it is me, MJ, the girl who's been sitting next to you guys for the better part of a year now,' MJ mock explains. "You doing okay there, Pete?" MJ asks finally taking a seat.
"Yeah, yeah, just a bit jumpy, I guess..."
"Alright, whatever. What can't you believe has been going on for that long?"
"What?"
"When I got here, you were saying you can't believe it's been going on for that long. What has?"
Peter looks to Ned in a panic and he blurts out "Spiders!" in response, making Peter face palm himself on the table.
"Spiders?" MJ still asks, being what Ned said did nothing to explain anything.
"Yeah... Peter's had this really intense phobia of them ever since we went on that fieldtrip. He accidentally slipped in the bathroom this morning cause he saw a spider and he couldn't believe he still hasn't gotten over his phobia," Ned explains lies so casually, but by the end of it sighs and gives Peter a not really that subtle thumbs up.
Peter on the other hand is semi-frustrated over having to lie to MJ about TWO things in his life now and the fact that his best friend just made him seem like a scaredy cat that actually slips in the bathroom from seeing a spider. His frustration doesn't last though cause he's just waiting to see if MJ actually buys Ned's load of spider phobia bs.
"Oh, okay-" MJ thinks about how they were probably talking about spider-man things before she came but decides to just go along with their excuse and thinks about a possible cause of the phobia on the very highly unlikely (at least in her opinion) chance that Ned was actually telling the truth, remembering Peter's uncle dying just a few weeks after the fieldtrip and feeling bad for Pete so she offers up a solution or maybe just something to comfort him.
"You know, they say that to get rid of a phobia, exposure therapy works, so maybe it'll make you feel better to know that humans swallow up to like 10 spiders in an entire year," MJ jokes a bit awkwardly and pointedly that she just proceeded to eat her meal after finishing her sentence.
It makes Peter chuckle for a bit though so MJ releases that breath she didn't know she was holding and continues to avert her eyes to her meal and just continue eating.
"Wow, MJ yeah sure, nothing'll make me feel better like knowing there's probably like hundreds of tiny spiders inside me right now," Peter remarks sarcastically making MJ laugh as he fake shivers.
"Glad I could help," MJ winks and then averts her eyes again to get her book so she could read while eating, signalling she was ready for this convo to end (she wasn't going to be able to talk after what she can't believe she just did).
And Peter's kinda glad she does end it because holy sh- did, did MJ really just wink at him right now? Did that just happen?
Peter looks to Ned for confirmation who could only shrug in response being just as unsure about what to make of it as well.
Wondering what the hell just happened is the last thought circling inside Peter's brain while Ned just changes the subject to something else that didn't even register to Peter.
MJ may actually ACTUALLY like him, and Peter doesn't have a single clue what to do about it.
Nothing as it turns out, cause as the rest of the week passes without fanfare, it seems like Peter's finally regaining his sanity again as he thinks that maybe MJ looking at him was just MJ being MJ and he goes back to thinking of MJ as his friend and not the smart funny pretty girl who might have a crush on him, which she doesn't.
Until, yet again, Happy interrupts Peter at this week's acadec meeting and he steps outside to take the call.
"What, Happy? I told you I was busy during saturdays with acadec, what do you want?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I was talking to Mr. Bigshot here. You know, I started on Stark Industries as a dri-"
And with that, Peter just proceeded to wince and hit himself with his phone, knowing he just made this phone call twice as long as what it probably would have been. He starts to just block out what Happy is saying and takes a peek at what he's missing at acadec.
Flash is asleep at the sidelines, must have been that party Peter saw he was having posted and streamed all over social media, it was so annoying. Ned, Cindy, Sally, and Abe were all on a roll tossing out answers back to back, Eddie was blanking and swearing the answer was at the tip of his tongue, and MJ as usual, was running the drills.
Yet again, Peter was thinking about how wonky his brain must have been to actually think that MJ, don't give an f what anyone thinks acadec team cap MJ, actually liked him.
But it seemed Peter must have been staring for too long because MJ noticed and glanced at him too, making Peter panic and immediately avert his eyes to a different direction, any direction at that. God, why was he this awkward?
But god help Peter Parker who must just be an awkwardness masochist because he couldn't help but just sneak a peek once again, only to see MJ was still looking at him and he must have had some ridiculous shocked expression on his face because the slightest grin started to appear on MJ's face and she looked away with almost- was that- A BLUSH?? a blushing expression on her face??? did that? she just? whattttt????
But before Peter could even get himself together, MJ looked back at him again only to grin over the fact Peter was still looking at her and roll her eyes over how ridiculous this wordless convo they were having across the room was, that she just snickered and gave a silent hi and subtle wave hidden from their team mates just below the podium.
Peter found himself grinning like an idiot too and could only give one awestruck wave which made MJ snicker and avert her eyes back to their team mates with a barely noticable flush on her face and a blink and you'll miss it, moment where MJ had to think about what she was saying before she and Peter began this cutely wordless reparte across the room.
MJ had to think about what she was going to say. Cool, suave, witty retorts and comebacks MJ seemed to have a moment of speechlessness.
okay.
And so as Peter could only hear a faint "Peter? Peter, are you still listening to me?" from his phone, he knew that he was absolutely, one hundred percent without a single doubt in his mind, truly, and utterly, fucked.
Maybe MJ wasn't the only one who had a crush.
heeyy yooeesss i missed writing mah anxious boi's pov yallssss. i miss writing for them in general huhu. also im probs gonna write a bunch more of these how they fell for each other fics cus i think this version of em/phase of their relationship is pretty underrated hehe
plus i still cant get over ffh pj disapproval so fine i'll just write the middle man fics myself then. it's just so easy to see how pete could fall for mj, i just cant
toot toot and i hope yalls enjoyed dis folks. it's good to be back. rlly missed em, ya know?
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potahun · 4 years ago
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Sha Hai / Tomb of the Sea watch
Time to vomit final feelings.
Final line-up of the top 10 characters i liked
1. Luo Que and Kan Jian (GOOD kids. GOOD souls. Love them. Flawless. I mean, Luo Que and his ridiculous commitment to aesthetics? Kan Jian and the brainless beef? Kan Jian took over Zhang Fu Guan’s LJM legacy as the simpleton with fighting spirit. He’s basically the definition of a himbo. Also, their respective weapons?? A fishing rod and a slingshot, seriously??? Im counting those two as a unit now. I hope Kan Jian gets to tell more jokes to Luo Que in Sichuan dialect. (Their Chinese cp name is sometimes ‘Brainless x Grumpy’ I believe, and I appreciate that))
2. Yang Hao/Hao Ge (a good bro. Good heart.He was not always treated right and i wish theyd elaborated more on him at the end, but whenever he was there he was a good kid - especially the beginning. Honestly his misgivings about everything were so right and he deserved better)
3. Liang Wan (shes good. Shes smart. Shes shamelessly horny I WISH the scriptwriter had treated her better like fuck it stop making her weak at your convenience. at the end she did stupid things but mostly because the scriptwriters/director used her as a plot device to make the male characters into heroes and I HATED THAT with a passion SHE DESERVED BETTER) Also kind of hated how they made all her motivations be about Zhang Fu Guan because COME ON we get it’s a romance can you please let her be her own character pls pls pls. I have a lot of complaints about how they treated Liang Wan but I liked her a lot as a character
4. Huo Dao Fu (this dude and his contradictions came in after halfway in the show but still left such an IMPRESSION PFFFFT. Mr I only care about myself but then genuinely cares for Yang Hao’s safety and state of mind. Also Mr cant talk without slurring words. Hes a Huo but mingles with the Chen. What a bastard)
6. Black glasses. (initially found the way he talked rly annoying, but eventually grew on me. Lots of amusing character quirks and when hes there the group is immediately funnier and better. The master disciple thing with Su Wan was fun while it lasted)
7. Su Wan. Good kid. Mostly a good kid. “Do you know why i packed a saxophone to the desert? To save you guys!” I can’t believe. Also cant believe thats the same actor as Xue Yang in mdzs i initially got whiplash but got over it
8. Su Nan (i didnt watch the beginning of the show but thought she was badass and i rly felt like she deserved better at the end. Really hated the way they used her too. the way this show treated female characters is shit)
9. Wang Pang Zi (what a likeable dude overall)
10. Fo Ye. I mean, hey honestly they talked about him so fucking often he might as well have been there
--
Lowest bit in the whole series: The whole period with Li Cu, Shen Qiong and the Wang family at the end. God I could not for the life of me find Li Cu likeable so I could not care for his struggles at ALL despite him being the main character, I just literally could not give a fuck (and it’s such a shame because in his first trip down to the Gu Tong Jing, I did find him likeable). Also, did I mention the female characters deserved better? Plus, the whole thing with the Wang Family is just...so anti-climatic. So.....yeah....I had a terrible time at the ‘climax’.
Favourite bit of the whole series: The trip down the tomb-like hole in the Chen’s territory, which was left by Chen Pi, and which involved Chen Pi’s descendant, Zhang Fu Guan, and Luo Que. I mean, first off, my memory is a bit blurry already, I think it was not a tomb, but it was the most tomb-like structure, so the descent there was very much like classic tomb-raiding and very reminiscent of the descents in Lao Jiu Men, where you feel like anything could happen -- as opposed to the Gu Tong Jing which was mysterious at first, but got boring fast, because: i) it’s mostly modern compounds, ii) you’ve quickly done a full tour of the things that can attack there, which are basically snakes and trees. That’s it. Not very riveting. The descent in the Chen territory was really eerie and the little throwbacks to the times of the old nine gates were good fun. Plus, Luo Que was absolutely a baby star throughout. His “You actually don’t need to put in so much effort for me, you’re an employee of Xin Yue Fan Dian” and “Right now, I’m here. So I’m yours” exchange with Zhang Fu Guan absolutely touched my heart. He’s a fashionista with a crush on Zhang Fu Guan the size of a mountain. Bless him.
Overall, I did not find what I was hoping to find in this series, and I got pretty angry at the characters and the writing many times in the series. The plot is also a bit cheesy and far-fetched. The treatment of female characters is absolutely maddening, and that treatment is not as bearable as in period dramas, because this is modern days and you cannot use the era as an excuse. Overall, I would not recommend the watch. But the concept of the Nine Gates is still wonderful, and probably one of the main reasons I stuck until the end. For those who watched Lao Jiu Men, the show does give a lot of Easter eggs and throwbacks, but honestly, if you should choose, I would recommend watching Lao Jiu Men instead. 
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aka-indulgence · 5 years ago
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Quiet
eeee I’m sorry for distressing and projecting over here ;w; I’m not a very emotionally sturdy person TuT Desc: You come home being especially silent, and your bitty (UF!Sans) gets suspicious... (this is the first time I wrote bitty ANYTHING, please forgive me)
He saw you walking through the door, silent, head hanging low.
that’s new...
“Hey Edgy,” You call to him, weak, giving him a weak smile.
He noticed your eyes were watery.
the hell..?
It was raining outside, the sky pretty dark since it was nearing dusk. You put your umbrella and coat on the rack, and quickly dumped your other belongings on the couch in front of him.
“ey human, where ya goin’?”
“I’m just eating.” You answer him, voice flat.
what’s going on?
“... You want some too?” You turn to him, not fully... He couldn’t see your face.
“nah, i already ate.” Edgy was now turned fully to you, from his position watching the TV.
“Ok. If you want anything... Just ask.”
... This was odd.
Every time you went home you always had a smile on your face ready for him, quickly running over to coo and smother him with affection that he always tried to run away from, though he absolutely loved your attention.
Even when you weren’t so sunny... When you were frustrated he could see you heaving and sniffing, and you’d talk to yourself out of frustration about whatever made you upset, and he’d come to your shoulder to give you a tiny hug on the head, which you were very receptive towards.
But today...
You were obviously not in a good mood but... You were quiet. Just... Quiet.
He heard the microwave ping from the kitchen and blinked. You bought something from the convenient store?
You walked right past him and the TV, table, and sofa arrangement in your living room to go towards your small round dining table.
Then he saw you put a cup noodle on it, folding your hands on the table, then put your head into your hands, your cheek on it. Facing away from him.
“hey hey hey,” Edgy got up to his feet, walking to the edge of the table to hop off it, quickly scaling up your chair and jumping to the table beside the cup noodle which was about his height. “what the hell ‘r ya doin eating this?!”
“Easy to make.” You sounded muffled, by the hair that was covering the front of your face.
“it ain’t good enough fer ya,” Edgy scolded, “why aren’t ya cooking?”
“...”
“Just... Don’t want to, I guess.”
He heard you getting downer.
Edgy couldn’t stop the concerned dip in his brow bones at his human’s lack of excitement. He walked around the cup to his human’s face up front.
Your hair was sticking to your cheeks. He couldn’t see your eyes.
“ey. what happened.” He asked, stern. You mumbled and turned away from him, burying your head in your elbows.
“ey, answer me, human,” He walked up to you, nudging your elbow.
“Mmmit’s not imprtant,” You sounded, muffled.
“i don’t care, tell me!” He nudged you harder, both of his tiny hands on your arm.
“It really isn’t important!”
“then why’re ya hidin’ under there?” Edgy pressed.
You made a small whine that made him feel like a mother that was pressing her child who was too scared to tell on the one who bullied her in school.
You finally picked up your face from your arms, moist from the tears you were trying to hold back and failing, already he could see them building up in your eyes, about to spill over. Your brows were knitted, lips pressed together, eyes and cheeks starting to get red, eyes watery.
“Someone told me to shut up, ok?? I-it’s not important!” Your voice broke as the first tear fell.
“... what?” Edgy blinked.
“...” Your eyes darted away from him. “... I told you... It wasn’t anything...”
“I’m just... Too fucking frail I guess.”
“whoa whoa whoa,” Edgy actually stepped back- You don’t curse. You rarely curse unless it was a reaction from touching something hot or stubbing your toe on the door frame.
“what happened?” Edgy asked you, tone a neutral flat.
“I’m just too sensitive... It’s... It’s nothing.” You looked down at your hands that had started to fiddle with themselves.
“nah, that can’t be it,” He continued to press. He’d told you to shut up multiple times in the past... That had never stopped you from laughing and cuddling him harder to your chest, to which he’d just growl like a puppy and eventually giving up, resting on you. You weren’t sensitive to the word... There had to be something else. He’d feel really guilty if you were, though.
“there’s another reason. what?” Edgy gripped onto your soft arm.
“Mmf.... That was it, ok? Nothing else! It’s just me! It’s fine!” You squirmed, seeming to be comfortable enough with blaming yourself.
“no no no, ya ain’t getting away like that.” He moved to sit on your arm, “ya think ya can lie, human? cus ya can’t.”
who made you cry?!
After whimpering to yourself again, the scene looking ridiculous that a full sized human was being dominated by a skeleton roughly the size of two fists stacked together, he saw you slumping your head in defeat.
“... It’s my fault really...” You started, “My... My tutor told me to shut up.”
... Oh.
“I was being loud and annoying... That’s all... I deserved that...” You shrunk into your seat. “Besides, they were saying it in a joking manner anyways, so no hard... No hard feelings! I’m just weak...” You sniffled, already your tears were drying away.
“... what the hell,” Edgy stood up from his sitting position, “human, no,”
“What?”
“no, that’s fuckin’ wrong,” Edgy grunted as he started to put his hands on the side of your shoulder, “no, you-” shut up- that’s the wrong thing to say now- “listen to me now, human,”
You sat back up straight, eyeing your tiny companion as he scaled up the length from your elbow to your shoulder, sitting down heavily (well, as heavy as he could) on it. “yer not weak,”
“Yes I am!” You argued, “You said yourself that you’re not soft- You yourself think soft is weak!”
“i never said that!” He yelled back, knowing it was true, then, he kind of silenly implied he thinks being soft is weak. That... That didn’t change, no... Nope. It’s just... Ugh!
“You would never cry if someone told you to shut up...” You muttered, looking away from him.
“...” He went silent. Well... It was true he wouldn’t cry if anyone told him to shut up. But that didn’t mean he was never hurt. “... depends.”
You seemed put off by his honest answer, looking back up to him.
He would want to say he wasn’t a crybaby but... He couldn’t say that either now.
“look, if we were messin’ around and havin’ that light banter we usually do-” He saw your eyes light up a bit and shit he just silently admitted he liked that- “an’ if ya told me ta shuddup, i wouldn’t listen and jus’ keep yellin’ whatever it is i was yellin’,”
“but if we were having a heated argument or something, and then ya told me to shuddup, i’d probably say something nasty... fer real.”
You understand that, didn’t you?
“... But teach was saying it in a joking manner,” You said looking to the side.
“i don’t know, i wasn’t there to see it.” Edgy admitted. “so c’mon, tell me the full version.”
You sigh. “You’re not going to find anything, but ok...”
You told him how you were doing a paper and you got pretty confused, asking out loud on how to do it, not directly at anyone... Your tutor was with someone else and had told you ‘(Y/n)? Shut up.”
“ey, that doesn’t sound like they were jokin’ ta me!”
“They said it with a smile though! They were obviously not trying to hurt me!”
“but they were sayin’ it with intent, (y/n!)” You blinked when you heard him call your name- He didn’t do that often.
“they wanted ya to be quiet... and that can feel pretty shitty when yer just trying to get help and ya get shot down.”
“...” You took in his words slowly. “Am I annoying?”
“what-”
“Am I too loud? Do I bother you?”
You looked at him with guilty eyes.
Edgy paused, not knowing what to say, picking his words carefully. Any other time he’d jump at the opportunity to call you annoying but... That wasn’t even true. When you’d leave, he did anything he could at his spare time, to wait for you. He’d always get worried when it was past the time. He really liked your company.
“... I am, aren’t I,” You look back down on the table, looking defeated. Apparently you took his silence as a yes.
“wait what?!” He all but screeched, “no no no! ya don’t!”
You could hear him pitying you, and that made more tears welling up in your eyes.
“no no no! listen ta me human!” He grabbed onto your cheek as best as he could and made you turn to him again, eyes wide at the fact he could do that.
“ya don’t bother me, ok?” Edgy looked intensely into your eyes, “... well ya do, but not like what yer thinkin’,” He smirked at you, and he saw you smile a little.
“ya see? jus’ because they said it with a smile and no ill intent doesn’t mean ya can’t get hurt from it. i did something like they did and ya smiled fer a change,” He pointed out, making you blink at his words.
“sure, ya can hear someone tellin’ ya to shut up and be ok with it. but... they said it with intent and clearly tryin’ ta tell ya they were bothered by it. and... that doesn’t feel good when yer just trying to get help, and ya basically get told that yer bein’ annoying. so it’s fine ta cry...” He said, wiping your tears again.
“They probably didn’t mean any of this...” You claimed.
“yeah,” He admitted, “but that doesn’t mean it ain’t gonna hurt.”
“look, knowing you, ya probably look up to ‘em and find their opinion of ya real important, huh?” You looked away from him sheepishly. He caught you. “but that don’t matter. ya shouldn’t be so hard on yerself. ya should tell ‘em that that’s a sensitive area for them...”
“... Nah, I’m good now,” You smiled fully at him now, wiping your tears away.
“They didn’t mean it, I was sensitive but... They didn’t want to hurt me. I just won’t take it to heart next time. I’m good.” You beamed at him, a genuine one at that, so he could tell you weren’t lying to hide yourself again.
“what the hell. ya can’t just flip the switch like that,”
“Yeah I can. Now, do you want some noodles, Edgy-boy?”
Edgy grumbled and slid a hand down his face, a smile creeping up on him. “sure.”
As he ate the cup noodle with you, he thought. He knew you weren’t a confronter... And that would mean you were willing to endure the things that hurt you, even if you were less damaged by them... You were still doing your best not to. Maybe... Maybe he can hide in your bag the next time you go to that class. Then he could come out to the teach and tell ‘em that they needed to be more careful around you... He couldn’t let you come home hiding yourself like that again. Didn’t matter if you were ‘sensitive’, people were different and he couldn’t let you just take everything like that.
... Just this once, he'll admit that he liked you... a lot. He didn't like you being sad... You deserved better.
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beautheexpositor · 5 years ago
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Indirect Confessions
"Hey, Beau? Are you awake?" Jester's quiet voice asked nervously from beside her in the dome. Beau knew this tone, it was the tone of a Jester that had been thinking about something for a long time. A tone that usually led to a long conversation. Long conversations weren't always Beau's strong suit, but with Jester it was never a bad thing. She wanted to talk to her, maybe a little too much.
"Yeah, I'm stiff and sore as shit," at this point, she rolled over to face her friend. There was a contemplative look on Jester's face, to match the tone of her voice. "What's up, Jes?"
Jester sat up, and looked around the inside of the dome at their friends. Dirtied up from another day in the wastes, they had all been exhausted when they crashed. "I think... Maybe we should like, you know, leave the dome so we don't wake everybody else up or whatever."
So this would be a long conversation. Today had been absolutely exhausting, as every day on the road in Xhorhas was turning out to be. Normally, Beau would be pissed about having to get up in the middle of trying to sleep, but the feeling in her stomach and chest she got around Jester made it impossible to not want to be around her. She pushed herself up, muscles screaming as she did so. "Lead the way," she said through a yawn, hoping it didn't make it seem like she didn't want to. Jester didn't seem to notice at all.
They walked a short ways, just out of earshot of the dome. Jester plopped onto the ground without a second thought, and patted her hand beside her for Beau to join. She did so without thinking twice. Staring at the sky with her best friend beside her, Beau felt a little more calm than usual.
"So, ah," she looked over at Jester, noting the same contemplative face still plastered on. She couldn't help but think about how adorable it was. Then she mentally slapped herself for thinking it. "What's on your mind? Unless you just wanted to take me out here to look at the clouds at night."
"The clouds are really pretty, Beau. Bringing you out here to look at them would be super fun," she smiled in Beau's direction, and Beau smirked back. "But I actually was thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it but things have been, like, pretty crazy and stuff." The smile faded again, unusual for Jester.
"Yeah, we've almost died like 6 times in 2 days. That's a record even for us, man," Beau sighed.
"Yeah, but we're super strong. And you killed those creepy guys like, RIGHT away!" Jester encouraged her. "It has been a lot, though. I guess, I've been like thinking about Fjord and stuff, you know?" Beau's heart dropped as the words left Jester's mouth. Duh. Fjord. Maybe this conversation wasn't one that Beau would enjoy, after all.
Not that she wasn't happy for Jester, of course. She knew Jester had been crushing on Fjord since the moment she met him. But it had always seemed like a petty thing, a puppy dog style crush that wouldn't lead to anything. Something based on the fact that Jester had never really liked- or interacted with- anyone before. For a while it had even seemed to pass completely, but now Jester and Fjord were getting close again- and it seemed a lot less one sided than before. Beau should have been ecstatic about her best friend's crush finally noticing her for the amazing, wonderful devil she was. But for some reason, one she wouldn't admit even to herself, it only made her feel a little sick.
Despite the now growing hole in the pit of her stomach, Beau cocked an eyebrow at her friend playfully. "Yeah, what's going on with that? He like, kissed you on the cheek and saved you in the tree total prince charming style and everything! So, is something happening?" She hoped she sounded excited and interested.
Apparently, she seemed interested enough, because it was enough to get Jes talking. "Well, like, he totally did kiss me on the cheek didn't he? But like, I had just saved his life, so he probably was just caught up in that and being nice and stuff. But then the tree thing was like, really weird, you know? And it felt different than before. So I don't know!" She threw her hands in the air dramatically, and Beau snickered under her breath. It reminded her of her younger days, puppy love and stupid flirting. The dumb feeling of not knowing if the person liked you back, and the talking to everyone about it until finally someone made a move. She hadn't had anything like that, herself. She had only had Tori and various one night stands. But she knew the routine well. She sat quietly and waited for Jester to continue, because she knew she would after a seconds pause. She was right.
"I just, well," Jester piped in again after the approximately 2 seconds of silence, "It's all really weird. And I guess I wanted to talk to you about, well, I don't know if I really even like him as much as I thought I did."
It took Beau a moment to process what Jester had said. It felt... strangely comforting to hear that. She didn't want it to feel comforting to hear that, but it did. "What do you mean? You've liked him since like, the second you saw him."
Jester's face scrunched up when Beau said that. "I mean, yeah I totally have. But like, that's the problem maybe? I think I liked an idea of him... and now that it's real or whatever, I don't know if I ever really actually liked him. I've never liked anyone, like, really. And you're the smartest person I know and stuff," The compliment made Beau's heart skip a beat, even if it was just a typical Jester compliment that probably was just meant to make her feel better. "So I guess, like, what I wanted to ask you is... how do you know when something is real love?"
Beau coughed. She couldn't help but show the surprise at the sudden, very deep question. That was not at all where she was expecting this conversation to go. Especially after her puking her backstory guts out to Yasha only a little bit ago. She thought of Yasha, and the way she made her feel. She crushed on Yasha hard, but she didn't want to move in there. Plus, something was holding her back. Something that was sitting right next to her. She could say that real love was what she had felt for Tori... but she didn't want to share that with two people in one night- besides, she still wasn't sure if that WAS real love. She knew what love felt like, even if she didn't want to admit it.
"Sorry," she said after a second. "That just, I did NOT expect that. Uhhhh, well, let me think," she paused for a second and tried to compose herself. How did she tell Jester what love felt like without making it painfully obvious that she was talking about her?
"You don't have to talk about it, y'know, like if you don't want to," Jester said, seeing Beau's walls come up so suddenly. "But you're so smart and you like know a lot about stuff and I'm sure there's been SOMEONE you've loved because you're really great and whatever."
Beau smirked again, despite herself. "Yeah, yeah I guess I have," it wasn't a lie. "Love is, weird, I guess. I think it kinda depends on the people who are in it? It's different every time, or whatever," what was she doing? She should have just said she'd never loved anyone and let it go. But she couldn't lie to Jester like she did to everyone else. "Love is when you feel like you can be honest with someone. It's NOT like the porn novels, dude."
Jester shot her a little look, not genuine anger, just a tease. "Yeah, and like I said, i like, totally know that." she laughed, and Beau's heart soared. Keep calm. She had to keep calm.
"Whatever, man," she elbowed her best friend in the arm, playfully. "But seriously. It's way different than that I think. It's not all excitement and passionate steamy romance. It's more subtle than that. It's knowing a person and wanting them to know you, I guess. It's knowing that tones mean what different things, and what faces they make in different situations. It's... well... wanting to go out of your way to talk to someone or be with them. It's wanting them to be the last person you talk to before you go to bed, and the first person to see when you wake up. It's thinking they're SUPER hot but also like, really fucking adorable. It's a lot of things, I guess, and still you can't explain it."
She felt as if she had overshared. It wasn't like her to say things like that, but she couldn't help it. Her heart felt as if it was going to rip out of her rib cage. She had to make a joke. "But also like, I've never liked a dude. So it could be totally different, I dunno."
Jester looked at her with a sincerity she only saw on rare occasions. One that wasn't built out of humor or joy, but deep thought and emotion. "Well, I think that sounds really beautiful Beau. You're good with words and stuff. I don't know why anyone says otherwise. And like, I wouldn't HAVE to love a guy, you know?"
Beau's ears perked up. Jester had never talked about liking ANYONE other than Fjord, not seriously anyways. Beau had never even thought about the fact that she could like anyone else, long yet a girl. "Oh, uh," she tried to play it casual. "You wouldn't? I guess I didn't, Sorry I just didn't know you swung that way. I mean," Her words were fumbling.
"Well, like," Jester started again, relieving Beau of the pressure of having to keep tripping over her tongue. "I didn't really know I could like anyone other than a boy, my momma always only courted boys and my dad was a boy and that's really like, all I ever saw, y'know? But then like, you like girls and Yasha likes girls and that Keg liked girls so I realized maybe that's, y'know, a thing too... and maybe I, y'know, could love anybody. Cus like, Yasha is so strong and pretty and stuff. And the bright queen was REALLY cool and whatever. And Avantika was hot and scary and I was like, a little jealous of her or whatever, but also she was so cool and cute I can't blame Fjord for thinking so. And like, you're really cool and super powerful and really pretty and stuff," Beau once again tried to hide the smile creeping across her face at the compliment she was just given. "So yeah, I guess I could like anyone. Not just Fjord. I think maybe I don't even REALLY like Fjord as much as, y'know, who I thought he was. Love can be anything, right? Like, like you said it's soft... Maybe that's something I have to think about more because you brought up some pretty good points... You can love anybody. They don't have to be Oskar, you know?"
Beau smiled, and looked her friend in the eye. Her heart was racing. "Yeah Jester, I know."
Reposting and editing this because it's Day 3 of Beaujester week which is Modern AU/ Confessions!
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guardiandae · 5 years ago
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Meta/Commentary Part 2: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss
(Spoilers below)
(CONTENT WARNING: mental illness, self harm and suicidal ideation mentions)
So when we left off, Nate and Wade had their first real interaction / moment of demonstrated compassion, even if it’s a rough one. Wade flirts, Nate sucks the rancid blood out of his lungs, then tells Wade to clean up their disgusting kitchen and he’ll actually make Wade a meal.
Which is like. Wow. Exciting. Peak interaction and peak affection from Nate so far. Wade actually makes an effort because a homecooked meal from Mr. Grumpy is the nicest thing he’s ever heard and then he waits and waits for Nate to come back and follow through on his promise and Nate.... totally forgets.
Ooof.
So Wade is left fending for himself, and trying to find a way to make quick cash (because Nate has control of Wade’s finances.. and Nate forgot to feed him. Sob.) So he finds someone who thinks he looks enough like Spider-Man to hire him and then this happens.
"Fuck you, Spiderman, you suck!"
"Yeah? That wasn't what your dad said last night," Wade countered. "Or maybe it was, 'cus I'm Spiderman and I love banging old dudes."
The guy had just given him a withering look. "Dude. Whatever gets you off," he muttered, walking away.
"Wait. It's that easy?" Wade wondered aloud, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed by the lack of a fight. He tried not to think about it too much.
Foreshadowing? Oh hell yeah, foreshadowing. Wade is old enough to remember when it wasn’t okay to just... openly admit anything outside of cisheteronormative standards, and this guy not rising to the bait and just saying ‘whatever’ is kind of whiplash. 
-
Wade felt his brain short out when he saw Nate standing with just a towel around his waist.
(Oh no, he's hot. I mean, we already knew that but now he's like, naked and stuff.)
[Is that even legal?]
"Shut up," Wade said, pressing a hand to his head. They were back. Why were they back???
(Why do you think?)
Yeah. So I feel like Wade’s ‘boxes’ are partly like a way for his subconscious to yell at him about all of the stuff he’s trying to ignore. And some of that is really bad stuff for him, that he shouldn’t listen to, like his self hatred and anxieties and suicidal thoughts. But then there are thoughts like these, like his attraction to Nate, his need to be listened to and shown even the barest scraps of respect/affection/kindness, but he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that and won’t say it.
Like, when Nate remembers that he fucked up and forgot about his promise to make Wade dinner:
"Well… at least your kitchen is clean," Nate said. "That's a reward in itself."
(A reward in itself? What kind of asshole says that?)
[The kind that throws away Hello Kitty post it notes.]
"Yeah, I'm gonna agree with the little yellow box on this one," Wade said. "Doing a chore isn't a reward in itself. A reward is a reward."
While Wade’s ‘boxes’ are overall really toxic for him in this fic, they can be a good thing! If it weren’t for his boxes, Wade wouldn’t have been able to process through the fact that Nate disappointed him and caused him suffering and tell him that it was kind of shitty and not okay and end up making Nate promise to actually follow through because it was important to him!!
-
"You know there aren't any boxes, right, Wade?" Nate asked him. "They aren't really in your head."
"I know that," Wade said. "But they still won't shut up.”
Foreshadowing. And also, in this moment, imo, it’s basically giving Wade the opportunity to say, yes I know it’s ‘not real’ but it’s still real. Which is like. The biggest mental illness mood. Of course... they’re kind of referring to two different things, once again. Having different conversations. Wade thinks Nate can’t hear half of his conversation, and Nate must think he’s nuts. Of course, SPOILERS, Nate can hear every single thing that Wade is saying, because he’s talking to himself, and the entire time Nate is trying to asses how the fuck to handle what’s going on and how serious this is.
-
"What do you want to watch?" Nate asked, so casually, it took Wade a long moment to realize that Nate was talking to him, and an even longer moment for his brain to short out.
"What…?"
"What do you want to watch?" Nate asked again, as if this was something that they'd ever done before.
(Nate's never watched TV with us. What's happening???)
[Pity. He knows we're losing it.]
The sad thing is, Wade’s inner thoughts aren’t wrong. It takes hearing Wade’s inner thoughts for himself and seeing him struggle and realizing how badly Wade’s been affected just because Nate has ignored him and given him the cold should so many times... to realize that he needs to give Wade a little bit of kindness. But it feels like it’s coming from pity instead of genuine interest  and pity fucking sucks.
"Nate. I know you don't like being around me," Wade said, slowly. "This isn't your problem, so don't worry about it."
and then he locks himself in the bathroom and tries to just drown out the voices until he can fall asleep, in the bathtub, because mood.
Meanwhile, Nate is concerned, but not showing it well because his concern quickly turns back into anger:
"Please, Wade. Listen to me, not them. These things in your head, they aren't real, okay?" Nate tried to reason with him. "I know it feels like what they're saying is true, but I promise you they aren't right. Not about you. Not about us. Come out of there, alright? Come on, Wade. For fuck's sake, I'm trying to talk to you, isn't that what you wanted? Get the fuck out."
After a while of yelling, Nate realized that Wade had gone quiet. He stopped, trying to get a hold of his anger, his… if he was honest… fear. Fear of losing Wade.
He could use telekinesis to force the lock. He could also break the door down, easily.
Nate pressed his hands against the door, listening. On the other side, he heard Wade humming tunelessly to himself. Drowning out the voices. Drowning out Nate.
He curled his fingers against the cheap faux-wood door and tried to will himself to stop. To calm down.
Nate is starting to understand, to take little steps. He knows he’s already starting to slip up right out of the gate and he knows he needs to stop pushing right now or he’ll only push Wade away.
-
Wade had been talking to himself for a long, long time.
And Nate hadn't really spoken to anyone for almost as long.
This is the point where Nate starts to realize that they both have problems to address. Nate’s behavior (withdrawing/isolating, anger, not communicating) isn’t just toxic for himself, which he’d be fine with, but it’s also eroding Wade’s mental health at the foundation. Even when Nate is interested or concerned for Wade, he doesn’t express it in a way that Wade can recognize. Concern looks like disgust because Wade is so used to the latter; smiling at Wade’s jokes/flirting is interpreted as dark and aggressive because they’re both thinking about two different things; he reads Wade’s cute little notes but throws them away because first he thinks Wade is making fun of him and then he either doesn’t know how to react or the reminder of Wade’s concern/affection makes him uncomfortable because from his perspective he’s offered nothing in return. And if he could just communicate how he felt on his end, Wade wouldn’t be left feeling like Nate hated his fucking guts.
The next morning, Wade is still locked in the bathroom, which means Nate is forced to make an effort to communicate with him, because now he realizes that leaving the house while Wade is still potentially in crisis mode could cause Wade to keep spiraling.
He was ready to go out the door, but at the last second it occurred to him that Wade might wake up and see that Nate had left and take it in the worst way possible. When it came to dealing with Wade, you always had to think to yourself, 'What is the worst case scenario?' and then go a couple steps beyond that. If Nate left without leaving a note, he could come back to Wade giving him the cold shoulder, or he could come back to find the entire building burned to ground.
[Went out.]
There. Simple and to the point.
Ah, fuck. Maybe that was too simple. Wade would think he wasn't coming back, because he was a fucking idiot.
[Went out. Be back later.]
That was still a little bit impersonal. Nate didn't want Wade to think he didn't care about his wellbeing.
[Went out. Be back later. Don't off yourself.]
That was better.
But if Wade actually read this note, Nate also didn't want him to think he could hole up in the bathroom again. That shit got old fast.
[Went out. Be back later. Don't off yourself. Or lock yourself in the bathroom again.]
Nate stared at the note, written on a pastel pink background with little cartoon kittens and hearts and flowers and sweets, and felt a mild panic.
[Fucker], he added hastily, and then left before he had time to second-guess himself.
Nate is still very much in I-don’t-even-like-him denial mode, but this process of thought while he’s writing his note? Ooooh. This is art, baby. Nate is actually concerned about how Wade will react if he leaves the message too short, too uncaring. And then has to add a little ‘fucker’ at the end because hello tough guy points, keep those in the millions. Give Wade an inch, he’ll take a mile.
And of course, when Wade gets up and finds the note, his reaction is, This is a love note. And by all rights... it basically is. It’s the first tangible scrap of evidence Nate has given him that he cares about Wade’s well-being at all, and he cherishes the hell out of it.
Which makes it all the more painful when Wade realizes he was careless and threw that scrap of paper, Proof Nate Cares About Me, into the wash with the rest of his clothes and now it’s destroyed.
-
So... a few things happen all at once. Honestly, just one would be enough to make Wade lose it, but sometimes in fiction you have to drive the point home:
1. Nate says he’s leaving.
"With what you have in the bank, you could probably buy yourself a house, Wade," Nate replied.
"You mean us, right?" Wade corrected.
Nate stared at him and then dropped his gaze to pick at his plate. "The X-Men offered me a position," he said. "I could stay at the mansion, if I wanted to. Or I could get a stipend. It'd probably be enough to pay rent somewhere. So I won't have to keep leeching off of you."
Of course, once again, two different conversations are happening. Nate is saying, I got offered this, I don’t have to stay, I don’t have to keep leeching off of you and offering nothing in return because I am hurting you and it’s making me feel like a useless piece of shit. Remember Wade’s finances are paying for everything right now because Nate doesn’t have stable income. The reason why Nate leaves and disappears for hours or days on end is because he’s trying to find work, but also the world needs heroes right now and hero work isn’t always paid.
But from Wade’s POV, of course Nate should stay with him. But the word ‘leech’ makes him remember that Nate doesn’t even like him and Nate doesn’t need him, but Wade is the one who needs Nate and needs attention and affection that Nate is in no way obligated to give him that.
So Wade says, ‘ok,’ essentially. And to him, that’s putting on a brave face and accepting that Nate will move on, of course he will, so he might as well try to be happy for Nate. But from Nate’s perspective, it’s Wade saying, ‘ok, good, get the fuck out’ in the kindest way possible because now there’s no more excuse for their roommate arrangement to keep existing.
2. Wade’s inner voices start acting up badly, because of the first event. He tries to ignore them, tries to sleep, tries to shut down the bad lines of thought with reason and reality but it’s hard to believe when they just. won’t. stop.
(He doesn't want to see you. Period.)
Wade pressed his hands to his face, tried to breathe in slowly.
"Nate and I… are friends," Wade said.
(Who are you trying to convince?)
"We're friends," he repeated to himself, softer. "We're friends."
Then when Wade tries to distract himself with something else, he tries to go finish the laundry and then realizes that he’d left Nate’s ‘love note’ in his pocket and now it’s obliterated.
[It's gone.]
(Wasn't that your entire proof that Nate gave a single solitary fuck about you?)
"No," Wade lied, but lying to himself didn't always work so well. "It was just a piece of paper."
[But there won't be another one.]
"I'll remember it," Wade whispered pressing his hands to his face.
(Will you? Do you even remember it now?)
Not only was that the only physical proof he had that Nate cared, something his mental illness couldn’t convince him isn’t real, but now that Nate said he’s leaving, Wade knows he won’t ever get another one. That was the first and only note Nate ever wrote to him, and Wade was stupid and careless and let it get destroyed almost immediately. And worse, his memory problems are getting worse and he knows this and he knows that without an actual reminder he’s going to forget what the note said and what Nate’s handwriting looks like and how it felt to read that and eventually he’s going to forget that he ever got a note and eventually he’s going to forget Nate, just like he’s going to forget Vanessa because she’s dead and he only has her memories and photographs and if anything happens to those, there’s a real chance he’ll forget her smile and her face and their moments together and her and it’s too terrifying to deal with and it’s all because it’s all his fault and now he’s in a complete mental breakdown.
-
This time, when he dreamed of finding his wife and daughter's burnt bodies, Wade's was there with them. The only people he cared about. People that he'd failed.
Mmmm foreshadowing. For the sequel, I mean. Oh boy.
Wade’s breakdown wakes Nate up, and by that point it’s full blown mental badness for Wade. Nate finds Wade curled up on the floor, arguing with himself, and tells Nate that he just wants to sleep but the voices won’t stop, and he’s desperate now to the point of self injury and asking Nate to use his telekinesis to help Wade blow his brains out or lobotomize himself.
"I can try to help," Nate offered. "If you'll let me."
(Last time he tried something, you puked your lungs out.)
[This is different. This time we'll puke our brains out.]
(Why waste the strength? Nate has guns. Big ones.)
Wade didn't even care anymore. "Do what you gotta do, Nate."
Once again, Nate offers to help. Once again, because Wade has an extreme solution on his mind, he thinks Nate is offering to help in that way, but Nate has no intention of letting Wade harm himself, or letting Wade think that Nate would ever be willing to harm him.
"I'm not going to blow your brains out and neither are you. I'm a telepath, Wade," Nate reminded him. "Reading your mind is difficult, but I can project thoughts too."
This time Nate actually tells Wade what he’s thinking, what he intends to do to help Wade and what he doesn’t intend to do. Wade gets caught up in babbling about what that could possibly mean, what Nate’s thoughts would be, and since Wade can’t snap out of it or give Nate an answer, Nate goes ahead with his plan to help make Wade’s thoughts stop.
Wade started sounding like a broken record again. Nate put it to an end, connecting to Wade's mind with a touch and projecting a static to drown out the voices and give Wade some relief.
They only connected for a brief instant, and then Wade flinched away from the connection, breaking it.
"Sorry," Nate reached out again, but Wade shivered and stayed just out of reach, as if he were afraid of it.
"What was that?”
Wade is still afraid of Nate’s powers being used on him in ways he didn’t expect. It interrupts the darker, suicidal thoughts, but Wade still struggles openly, first expressing his mixed feelings of fear re: Nate touching him, and also his tentative admission that it was nice to be touched. Then, when his train of thought immediately plunges back into ‘I wish I were dead’ territory, Nate makes a point to interrupt once again, but this time not using his powers.
"Wade," Nate said again, trying to bring him back from another spiral of thoughts. He sat down on the couch, holding his hands out to Wade, but not reaching for him. "Come here. Put your head down, okay? I'll make it quieter this time."
"Make my head quieter?" Wade asked, edging closer.
"Yes," Nate promised. "I'll make it go away."
This time, Nate doesn’t force his methods onto Wade. Wade is fully informed of what Nate intends to do to help him, and the choice is left up to him. This time he has a second to process it, stop being afraid of what Nate’s intentions might be, and accept his help (and his touch) on his own terms.
Wade churns through a few more fears, aloud, (his fear that Nate will leave him, like Vanessa left him, and he’ll forget them both) and also his loneliness, the fact that it’s been so long since he felt love/touch/intimacy, he isn’t sure he remembers what it feels like anymore. Then he accepts Nate’s offer, puts his trust in Nate, and lets Nate make his mind go blank.
Meanwhile, Nate has to try to process the raw admission that their fucked up, dysfunctional non-relationship is half of the entire reason why Wade’s mental health has gotten to this point, because he really thought there was no way Wade cared about him or what he thought, and now he has to figure out how to start undoing that damage.
Skin to skin contact is the only real way Nate can use his powers on Wade directly. Otherwise, his mind is too chaotic and slippery to really work with. This is a rule I set in this AU, but it’s a concept lifted from Cable & Deadpool #3:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
There’s no indication this is the case, but Wade’s mind is canonically hard to get a grip on for psychics, and after Nate touched his head, he can hear Wade’s thoughts back to him, so they aren’t speaking out loud and alerting the others of Nates’ presence. I always interpreted that as being, Nate had to do a little more to establish a better connection with Wade’s mind. It probably isn’t the case, maybe he just wanted to give Wade a little tap on the noggin, but I liked that concept for this fic. Bonus feels: In the comic, Wade and Nate had been fighting like cats and dogs up until this point. Wade had joined a cult and helped them, Nate had been trying to fight against them, and Wade ended up being doublecrossed. Here, Wade expresses regret, and Nate shows compassion towards Wade... something exceedingly rare for anyone to do, sadly.
In this fic, Nate can’t stay connected to Wade’s mind (at least, not as easily as this) unless he maintains skin contact with Wade somehow. Because I’m gay and I love drama and it’s soft as hell.
-
"I'm here," Nate assured him, rubbing circles onto Wade's skin with his fingertips. Then he realized, to his embarrassment, that he'd been petting Wade the entire time, and quickly stopped.
"Don't -- Don't stop doing that. Please. It's nice," Wade pleaded, jerking a little under Nate's hands.
"Shh," Nate shushed, afraid that Wade would break the connection. "Okay. I won't stop, but don't move. Just relax."
He let his fingers resume their slow movements. Following the flow of scar tissue on Wade's skin. Brushing his thumb over the curve of Wade's ear. He felt Wade relax against him, sinking deeper.
I have nothing to add, I just want you all to see how soft this is.
-
Wade’s POV: 
"When my daughter Hope has bad dreams, I'd help her fall asleep again," Nate said as he continued the light petting. "Take away all of the nightmares."
For some reason, the reminder that Nate was, above all else, a dad , took Wade by surprise. He was a man who had lost everything, who would have moved heaven and earth to get his daughter back, to keep her safe, and he did exactly that. Somewhere in the future, there was a little girl whose dad loved her that much, that fiercely. Wade couldn't relate. His own dad had been all fierce and no love. The kind of man nightmares were made of.
Nate’s POV:
"When my daughter Hope has bad dreams, I'd help her fall asleep again," Nate said, thinking of how many times he'd held her in his arms and done just this. "Take away all of the nightmares."
Even with Wade's permission to connect with his mind, Wade's thoughts were hard to read. They weren't words or even clear images. It was more like only being able to feel an abstract, and Nate caught the edge of one unexpectedly. It looked like misshapen darkness and it smelled like old booze and it was called father. It felt like being hit with fists and the sharp bite of a belt buckle and it tasted like salt-tears-blood, and it was called love.
Nate pushed the memory away as soon as he realized what it was, focusing a little harder to keep it from forming again. "I'm sorry, Wade. I can't change the past for you, but I can try to make things better here and now. Let's think about something else."
Nate shares a piece of himself with Wade, and tells him about his daughter, about how he’s done this similar psychic technique before to help his daughter fall asleep again if she had a bad nightmare. That reminder of Nate being a dad, of Nate using the same method to soothe his daughter’s nightmares on Wade, reminds Wade of his own father, and the abusive memories associated with him.
It’s not only an example of Wade’s train of thought still leading him into places that are harmful for his state of mind, but also where Wade’s POV and Nate’s POV start to be able to meld together, because Nate can somewhat read what Wade is thinking.
Often, I can write scenes where two characters have an interaction but have wildly different interpretations of it, and depending on which character I’m settled on in 3rd person perspective, it’s left up to the reader to pick up on that or reread later and realize, oh wow, now I know the other person reacted like that because their mind was totally elsewhere. In this fic, every single interaction is like that, and it’s split into stark contrast. Wade is earnest in his interactions, and in denial, and masking so much hurt with humor, and he sees Nate as violent, and cold, and uncaring. Nate is still holding onto trauma, and masking his hurt with stoicism, and ignoring Wade because he cannot allow himself to grow attached to anyone in this timeline because he isn’t sure he could emotionally survive that, and from his perspective Wade is lazy and can’t take anything seriously. Neither of them can communicate well, primarily because Nate shut himself off so effectively until he realized that Wade isn’t actually a punching bag that feels nothing, emotionally or otherwise, and he was being an asshole the entire time.
This is where communication starts to be able to begin, and Nate realizes he’s not going to break or lose his edge if he shows Wade kindness and compassion any more than being a good father to his daughter, because love is not a weakness. Caring is not a weakness.
-
Nate creates a dream for Wade - but, if you didn’t pick up on this - the dream is more Wade’s creation than anything. Nate was accustomed to helping Hope make imaginary snowflakes in her mind. Basically, like counting sheep, but more elaborate (but simple enough for a child) and pretty to look at. When Hope’s imagination wandered off to sleep, she would dream of snow hares made of ice, or spring flowers, or sparkling night skies. Remember - Nate is supposed to be guiding this.
But Wade’s imagination immediately goes out of Nate’s simple guidance, and turns into a full blown dreamscape. Not intricate snowflakes, because that’s complicated and boring to Wade’s mind, but an entire realm of rolling hills covered in snow and little trees, and then because Wade thinks, it would be cold and he doesn’t like that, he imagines that he’s inside where it’s warm and cozy and Nate is there, because he doesn’t want to be alone, and they both have matching sweaters and cocoa because that’s fucking nice and his idea of ‘heaven’ and Nate is shook because he remembers something that Wade doesn’t remember anymore-
Nate and Wade had gone drinking, only once. Before they became roommates. It sounded like a decent idea at the time. With an idiot like Wade, Nate had thought it could even be fun, but all of the alcohol just made Nate feel hazy and depressed. With Wade, it was worse. It made him quieter and cleared his mind. But when his mind was finally clear, there was nothing he could see that was good.
Wade had told Nate about seeing Vanessa when he died. He said if heaven existed, that was all he could ever hope for. Just the two of them in a cozy room, nestled on the couch together, forever. But he could never get in, no matter how many times he tried. She kept telling him it wasn't his time. And Wade was starting to worry that he just wasn't good enough to get there.
They didn't drink again.
Wade remembers that they went drinking, once, and that it was a bad time, but he doesn’t remember the exact details. Nate remembers that he’d thought it would be a decent method of escapism - his personal favorite - but instead the alcohol made them both more depressed and their problems harder to cope with, so they unofficially stopped altogether.
So, when Nate finds himself included in Wade’s dreamscape, he realizes that this is basically Wade’s perfect ideal, but he’s convinced he isn’t supposed to be included and he’s just a poor substitution. 
It was everything Wade had ever hoped for, Nate realized. Only, Nate wasn't supposed to be here.
Just the two of them in a cozy room, nestled on the couch together, forever.
But Nate wasn't Vanessa.
And nothing ever lasted forever.
But this wasn't real.
Which meant that, just for a second, Nate could let himself pretend that it was.
Have I mentioned yet how many of these issues will be carried over into the sequel? Because that should be obvious at this point. Nothing is ever easy to resolve all in one go, unless you’re in like, idk, a fanfic or something. Also, more foreshadowing here about Nate’s conflicted feelings, being subconsciously compared to Vanessa’s former role in Wade’s life.
-
One more chapter, time for the POVs to merge and time for no more fantasy power crutchs to help us get through real communication problems and time to make fun of some X-Men too...
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subasekabang · 5 years ago
Text
Limited Perspective
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 7800 (part 1 of 2 (part 2 in-progress))
Pairings/Characters: Eventual Minamimoto Sho, Minamimoto Sho/Sakuraba Neku
Warnings: Implied/Referenced Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Discussion of Death, Swearing
Summary: Minamimoto Sho is a villain. That’s obvious.
Minamimoto Sho is a hero. If you look closely.
The truth is somewhere in between.
Sho knows there’s no such thing as truth; just perspectives and interpretations. He doesn’t give a shit about the past–he just wants to figure out how the hell he’s supposed to work with the fucker who tried to flatten everything Sho holds dear.
Partner: Roxas/Neku
Author’s Note: This is a companion fic to my 2018 entry Death of the Author, but it also stands on its own.
Sho swears under his breath as he scurries through back alleys, trying to regain the Composer’s trail.
Boredom. That’s what the soul of Shibuya was worth to the fucker who held all their fates in the palm of Their hand.
The little shit got bored, and so decided to flatten everything. And Megumi, little ass-kisser that he was, didn’t try to take the fucker out. 
That was the fucking Conductor’s job. Carry out the Composer’s Vision–and take Them down when their Vision faltered.
But noooooo, Megumi drank the fucking kool-aid, thought the Composer could do no wrong.
So the fate of Shibuya rested on the outcome of a fucking game.
Not unsolicited second-chances–the fate of Shibuya.
Fuck that.
Sho jumped used an abandoned crate to get enough lift to climb over the wall separating him from the next alley.
Just in time to see the Composer raise Their weapon of choice at some oblivious kid.
Fuck that.
But before Sho could raise his own gun, violet eyes cut toward him, and the barrel at the other end of the alley twitched.
A line of burning hot pain shot across Sho’s arm, and he nearly dropped his gun.
Nearly.
Shitshitshitshitshit
“…I blew it…”
No.
No!
Not today, ass-wipe.
Sho raised his arm, ignoring the agony in his bicep as he squeezed the trigger six times, calculating the odds that at least one would hit their target.
But the Composer just raised Their hand, and the bullets froze in the air before falling to the ground, one tinkle after another.
Sho booked it.
The Composer wasn’t supposed to have access to Their higher powers in the RG! This was supposed to level the playing field–
Three weeks left.
Back to the drawing board.
The Pre-Game meeting was always a bit of a joke. All the major decisions had always been meticulously crafted long before this point. It was just supposed to be a way to make sure everyone was on the same page and knew their roles.
Sho had to hand it to that crafty sneak Megs, though–he made himself the absent variable instead of the Composer.
‘Oh please, Higashizawa, won’t you run this game for me?’ Cue batting eyelashes behind the ever-present shades. Barf.
And Higashizawa was so much of a lickspittle, he didn’t even question the breach in protocol–the lack of time to craft a truly cohesive plan.
None of the other Officers questioned it.
Sho had enough. He bounced.
His bicep, bandaged under his coat, throbbed.
Megs really screwed the pooch on this one. Higashizawa was going to hyperfocus without a playbook to keep him on task–then the Composer’s proxy was going to win, and then what would Megumi do?
Hachiko was crawling with Noise when Sho passed through, picking off Players that hadn’t found Partners yet. Absently, Sho cued a few frogs after a couple that were about to make a Pact.
He may not be a Harrier anymore, but old habits were hard to break.
Stumbling across the Composer was a complete accident.
Sho’s pulse kicked up and sweat beaded on his forehead. The bullet crease, until now a background throb, rose to a sharp pang.
Nonononono
The Composer was supposed to be hands-off.
That conniving little cheat–!
For just a moment, the two locked eyes.
“Just shut up and form a pact with me!”
Sho watched the Proxy get claimed, and when he looked back, the Composer was gone.
Well, at least if the Composer was cheating, so was Megs.
Sho almost couldn’t believe it when Yashiro nearly convinced the Proxy to erase his own partner.
Did she know? She was a little… untempered for Megs to have taken into his confidence, still only a Harrier…
But… no. As the beat-nik interfered and stopped the Proxy from suiciding, it became clear Yashiro had just lost her freaking mind.
What. The. Fuck.
Harriers direct Noise and lay traps. Yashiro wasn’t new; Yashiro knew better–!
Sho nearly followed after her to reduce her to Noise-food herself, when he stopped.
Beat-nik?
His eyes widened.
He turned back to the Players and their little saviour.
Their little saviour who wasn’t a Reaper.
Their little saviour who wasn’t a Reaper, but was in the UG.
Their little saviour, who was explaining the rules–who had just enforced the rules.
A sharklike grin crossed his face.
‘Well. Hello there, Angel.’
Angels were the boogiemen of Reaper tales. A group of beings at an even higher frequency than the RG. They said that Composers were low-level Angels, and that even higher ranked ones supervised all their Games.
Of course, all of that was hear-say, officially denied. The Composer was the ultimate authority within each district.
Sho was well-travelled. He’d been traded from district to district before coming full-circle back to Shibuya.
The rumours were strikingly consistent no matter where you went. Which didn’t guarantee they were true.
But it did greatly increase their likelihood of being true.
So Sho watched Higashizawa’s week carefully. Watched the “Game Master” hyper focus just as Sho knew he would (at least it was on the right pair, if the wrong partner). Watched this “Sanae Hanekoma” save a Player who lost his Partner by sealing that Partner’s soul into a Noise Pin (for fuck’s sake, that was torture). Watched the Proxy receive regular help from the Angel.
None of it made sense.
Did… did the Angel not know? Did he not realize that the Game he was working to stabilize would destroy everything? Why save a Player who failed to grow so much that he essentially got himself and his partner erased in the same way they’d died?
This is why Sho hated working with others. They didn’t make sense!
Whose side was the Angel on?
A week with three winners, huh? That had to be a new one. Sho’s hands twitched. But Megs had handled it, cool as a cucumber–and passed the buck.
'Oh no, only one can be restored. By the way since you’re playing again your partner is your fee. Teehee.’
It was a stroke of genius. Megs couldn’t count on none of them being the proxy, so he managed to keep all three under his thumb.
And by assigning the new Reaper to destroy the other two, he kept the survivors on a route of mutual destruction.
The hidden variable in it all, though? The thing that made Sho want to grind his teeth down to dust?
When Megs asked Sho of all people to be his next patsy.
“Ah, there you are, Minamimoto. I’m afraid I don’t have any special projects for you this week; I’m sure you’ve heard about the Composer’s little… twist.”
Sho rolled his eyes. No memories to alter; no documentation to forge. Restoring someone to life required a deft touch and artistic flair–and an ability to calculate all the ways it can go straight to hell. It was an art-form he had a certain specialty in. It made him a Reaper in high demand, even considering his universally known bad attitude.
It was an art-form that should have still been needed. No reason the new kid couldn’t recapture some of his old life–except of course that Megs hadn’t told the fresh-meat about that little perk. Megs had no intention of the little idiot surviving the next two weeks; Megs couldn’t take that risk.
“I’m busy,” cleaning up your mess. “What do you want, Megs?”
A pause. Sho could hear Megumi’s lips thinning, before he forced himself back into that genial air that made him such a good people person.
“Of course, of course. Your attention to detail and dedication to your works is an inspiration to us all, Minamimoto. But I think it’s beyond time for you to stretch your wings a little–broaden your horizons so to speak.
“We’ll be running a second consecutive game, and I’d like you to act as Game Master this week.”
With Higashizawa–who’d taken his assignment so far he’d gotten himself erased–, Megumi had made the offer a genuine request. But Sho could hear the steel in the Conductor’s voice now. This was a thinly veiled order.
Carrot vs. Stick.
Shit. Megs was good. Different approaches for each of them. Why the fuck couldn’t he use his brain against the fucker who wanted to wipe them all out?
“Whatever. Any special instructions from the Composer?”
Fucker didn’t even flinch.
“Our newest Reaper will be given a special assignment, but otherwise consider things business as usual. It’ll be a smaller Game than usual due to the lack of time to collect Players, but that’ll just mean fewer excuses not to have a clean-sweep.”
There it was. For Higashizawa, the clean-sweep was a goad–a goal he had to reach to please his idol. For Minamimoto, it was a challenge to his competence.
And if Sho didn’t know exactly why a clean sweep was so important to Megs, he might have even fallen for it.
But, no. Sho didn’t care about taking out the Players. Not this round.
No, Sho had bigger fish to fry.
But if he didn’t at least put in appearances, Megs might get suspicious. And while Megs might want to win his little bet, Sho doubted he’d be on board for Sho’s more… permanent solution.
At least Day 1 was always a breeze; give Sho some breathing room to create a workable plan. Unless the harriers acted out again. Or were in league with either the Composer or the Conductor.
Ugh.
Happy miscalculation, indeed.
Sho couldn’t believe his luck. The Composer formed a pact with Their proxy. Of all the stupid, hare-brained ideas the whimsical artist could have done, this was above and beyond all of them. They’d have to stick to Their proxy like glue to ensure the Player didn’t get erased in Their absence.
And since the Composer couldn’t know when Sho intended to send out mission notices, this meant They couldn’t fuck off between missions, either.
Which meant that Sho had time to track down that Angel.
To be fair, Sho had kept an eye on the proxy Player the previous week, so he already knew where this 'Sanae Hanekoma’ was based. Dropping into the coffee shop in the downtime between missions one and two was as easy as taking a stroll down the street.
Sho didn’t even bother changing his frequency back to the RG for this–the Reaper decal outside would do that for him.
The Angel was good, Sho had to give him that. Didn’t even twitch when a Reaper Officer showed up in his quaint little shop.
“Welcome to Wildkat.” A lazy drawl that Sho could respect, prices that Sho could calculate were over-inflated. He threw down enough yen for a black coffee as he sat on a stool at the counter. Spare caffeine never went astray.
“You do know about the Composer’s stupid bet, right?”
Sho took an obnoxiously loud slurp of his coffee, smacking his lips in satisfaction while the Angel froze.
Satisfaction.
Sho was right.
The only question was, would the Angel confess or attempt to throw Sho off the trail.
A look across the shop led to the sharp click of the door locking and the sign switching to “Closed”.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Game Master.”
The Angel wasn’t looking directly at him, and even his eyes were obscured by the glare of the shop lights reflecting off the lenses of his glasses. If was a carefully calculated aesthetic, and Sho appreciated the effort.
“Life’s dangerous–and I happen to want life to continue. If that means crushing uninspired yoctograms who don’t know how to recycle what they have? I’ll do what I have to do. Or do you actually approve of the Composer’s gameplan?”
The Angel pushed his glasses up his nose, removing the glare and showing eyes as sharp as tacks–in direct opposition to the friendly smile spreading across his face.
“Well. Nice to meet you, Minamimoto Sho. You can call me Hanekoma. How can I be of assistance?”
Which is how Sho learned how to create Taboo Noise.
It sounds simple–draw these sigils and poof–Taboo Noise.
And. Well. It is that simple.
Except, not really. Creating the Noise is simple–sure.
Convincing himself it’s okay to create them is a whole 'nother story.
Reaper life is a little dog-eat-dog–especially as you get into the higher levels. Combat against both players and each other all feeds into the refinement of their Souls and so is encouraged.
Taboo Noise, though. It’s cheating. Especially since Hanekoma gave Sho a ward against them. They’d still attack Sho, but only if he provoked them first.
If Sho let too many loose and they took out too many Reapers, it could lead to the destruction of Shibuya as much as the Composer’s little bet.
It was going to be a careful balancing act–letting loose just enough to distract both the Reapers and the Composer himself, while making sure they can still be handled.
At least he knew how to keep tabs on the Composer.
Sho hit send on his phone.
Then he finished his first refinery circle.
Yashiro would be fine; she was usually hanging out with Koki, anyway.
And if she wasn’t, well.
Sho remembered how she went off the rails last week.
It wouldn’t be that big of a loss.
----
Shooter was a bit of a hero of Sho’s.
He understood geometry on an instinctual level that most people could only dream about. Shooter dreamed big, and lived his dream with every fibre of his being. He understood the beauty of precision.
Sending Sho’s Players to the Tin Pin play-offs was about pitting them against a challenge they were unlikely to pass, therefore increasing the possibility of the Composer’s proxy being erased.
It certainly wasn’t about spiting those fuckers and their bet that otherwise would have made Sho miss the event entirely.
Just so that’s clear.
Sho had no idea what the Composer was doing, though. It looked like They were just… tagging along?
Making snide remarks?
Letting Their proxy fail the challenge?
It was no skin off Sho’s nose if the Composer lost Their proxy this week and had to scramble to find a replacement for the final week before Megs’ timer finished counting down.
Hell, there probably wouldn’t be enough Players to start a third Game in a row, so this week was probably going to be the deciding factor. 
All of this was still spinning through Sho’s head, so he almost missed the whisp of Imagination that tampered with Shooter’s equipment.
That. Little. Shit–!
Okay, so confronting the Composer–undercover or not–probably wasn’t the smartest idea Sho ever had, but Sho did learn a few things.
First, he learned that They weren’t planning to follow the gameplan and try to complete missions. If his opponent wasn’t even going to play, Sho was going to concentrate his efforts on the spell he was crafting to take out the Composer entirely.
Second, something was seriously wrong with Their proxy. Kid spent almost the entire conversation after Sho revealed himself clutching his head. People weren’t meant to play two Games in a row like this. Who knew how it was affecting the kid?
Third, the Composer was a fucking hypocrite. Fucking hell, you can’t complain about being bored and not even put in the effort to put on a good show.
Sho was too angry to deal with this shit anymore. He returned to his apartment in Pork City and pulled out the reference text Hanekoma had given him.
It was supposed to give him the basics of refinery sigils so he could hone his Taboo summoning skills, but there were some interesting tidbits he’d gleamed while skimming through the rest of the sections.
Crafting a spell strong enough to take out the Composer would probably take Sho out too.
But, fuck, it would be worth it to wipe the smug smirk of Their face.
Sho wondered if there’d ever been a Game Day with no mission before. If anyone survived this clusterfuck, Sho himself would go down in infamy for doing something unique, at least.
Even if he doubted any of the higher ups would appreciate his vision.
But Sho didn’t have time to worry about crafting the little daily games to winnow out the Players. Sho only cared about one Player–the one who wasn’t a Player at all.
Everyone else was just collateral damage.
In the far deep recesses of his mind, part of Sho regretted the things he was doing to tear the Game apart–to break it down past recognition in pursuit of his ultimate goal to save the district as a whole.
The survivors could pick up the pieces and rebuild. And maybe the administration that would come after would learn from all of their mistakes.
Right now, none of that mattered. So Sho spent his free days wandering Shibuya, crafting Taboo refinery sigils to spread his seeds of chaos.
Since he didn’t want to be caught too early and erased by an irate Megs, he camouflaged his actual delinquency with monuments to the district he loved. Anyone who looked closely at the pieces of art would see that they weren’t up to his usual standards–but Sho reluctantly acknowledge (and took advantage of the fact) that very few understood his muses enough to tell the difference.
And in a back alley of Udagawa, Sho began to craft a different sigil from the rest. Something carefully prepared by his Angel ally. An escape plan of last resort.
Because let’s be real–Sho was up against the Composer. There was a 68.9% chance that he’d be Noise-food by the end of the week.
And that left a full week of the Composer running around unchecked in order to win Their bet with Megumi. A week for the Composer to guarantee the destruction of Shibuya.
The Angel couldn’t–wouldn’t–interfere directly. He was bound by rules and tradition to the will of the Composer alone. Sho was the last line of defense.
Sho’s hand slowed down on the last set of runes in the sigil. He rested his head in exhaustion against the rough brick wall.
Was it really worth it? If Sho’s master plan failed, was there any point in trying to come back for one last shot? Was there any guarantee that Sho himself wouldn’t be a worse option if he was half-Taboo? Wouldn’t bring about the destruction himself if left unchecked?
Tears of frustration sprang to his eyes, and he punched the wall with his injured arm. The impact made the bullet crease throb where it was still healing.
Being a Reaper wasn’t easy–it was a constant battle and those without the will to survive didn’t last long. Sho hadn’t just survived, he had thrived in their world–far more than he ever had in his life in the RG.
But after this last month, Sho was tired. None of this was about bettering oneself, or artistic potential. This was petty bullshit that was completely nonsensical. Why did Sho have to destroy himself over this? Why did Sho have to risk turning himself into a monster to save the world?
Sho wasn’t a hero. And Sho had never played well with others.
He leaned against the wall, his ragged breaths tearing at his throat as he tried to regain his composure.
Fuck this shit.
He finished the refinery sigil, then walked away without looking back.
If anyone survived this mess, they’d look at his escape plan and scoff at his incompetence–and the poorly placed lines on the last runes drawn; the smudge runes where Sho had hit the wall.
If anyone survived this mess, the sigil would be his only memorial–a testament to the final line Minamimoto Sho wouldn’t cross.
'I end it this week,’ Sho thought to himself darkly.
There was no “or”.
The one problem with his wanderings over the middle of the week, was that Sho actually got to see the results of his Players’ actions while they were left to themselves.
The Game often used their Players to effect dramatic changes in Shibuya. The changes may not last long–Shibuya was an ever-changing beast–but they often caused spikes in creativity and joy. They justified the action of running dead souls through a scavenger hunt to gain a second chance rather than just breaking them down for reincarnation immediately.
As an Officer, Sho was rarely able to see the reactions in real-time on the individual personal level. He got to review reports and feed that information into improvements for the next round.
That wasn’t the case this time. Even without direction, most of his Players seemed to be engaging in small acts of kindness.
Retrieving a lost puppy. Influencing decisions. Killing regular Noise to improve people’s psyches.
It was bewildering. It was inspiring.
It made Sho really fucking angry.
It wasn’t these Players’ fault that the Composer had completely screwed them over. That this wasn’t a real Game meant to refine their souls and give the worthy a second chance.
And there was one Player who had been shafted more than any other. The Composer’s fucking Proxy. Someone who wasn’t even supposed to be dead.
If Sho took out the Composer early with the Taboo Noise, sure the bet would be void, but the Proxy would still be Noise-food.
Shit. The kid didn’t deserve that. The kid deserved his life back.
But if he didn’t make it to the end, that meant no chance at all.
Sho was tired, and feeling guilty about this damn kid wasn’t helping things at all.
He hadn’t planned on saving the partners at the beginning of the sixth day–had sent out a mission to get everyone in the same-ish area so that the Taboo Noise could sow chaos and keep everyone distracted.
But when Sho had noticed that the duo weren’t paying fucking attention, he took out the Noise sneaking up behind them, a justification already forming in the back of his head.
If the Proxy could survive until the next day, Sho could lure the Composer to Pork City at the last moment, separate Them from his partner, and maybe give the kid a chance at surviving.
Afterall, Sho wasn’t likely to survive, even if he succeeded at this point. The kid would get his second chance, Shibuya would be saved.
Halle-fucking–lullah.
Sho spent the seventh day finalizing his nuclear option spell. The Angel’s repository had been very helpful. Learning to create Taboo Noise refineries had kept everyone distracted and off his back for the week. Taboo Noise existed on a plane of existence on a different frequency than their own. Pulling them in required being able to reach for that different frequency–and pulling apart the different aspects of the sigil meant he was able to figure out with parts performed that outreach.
That meant that Sho could take that part and reformulate the sigil entirely. Pull energy from multiple different frequencies–an exponential increase on his own powerful imagination. Special wards had needed to be formatted to keep the damage contained to Pork City both to eliminate collateral damage as much as possible as well as to keep the energy concentrated where Sho needed it.
Partners didn’t separate during the week, but Sho was pretty sure he’d come up with a fool-proof plan to get the Composer to shed Their mortal disguise and come gunning for Sho with all Their might.
Tattling.
Oh, Sho was positive the Angels wouldn’t actually interfere, if the Producer was any indication, but he was also sure that the Composer wouldn’t be willing to bank on that.
And if Sho left sending out that notice to the literal final minutes, well, the Composer wouldn’t have time to drag along Their murder victim with Them. They’d have to come and deal with Sho all on their lonesome.
How tragic.
Sho had just finished setting up the wards around Pork City when he was so rudely interrupted.
“What?! How the hell did you two find this place?”
It was strange, but the Composer’s disdain felt–real. Present. Not the lofty and light-hearted mockery that They’d been projecting all week.
'Oh-ho? Does somebody dislike an interloper breaking their toys?’
“Uh, hello? Final day of the week?” Proxy still had some pep in him at least.
'Sorry kid; can’t save you now.’ It was only a slight pang of regret. The kid didn’t deserve the fate Sho needed to bestow upon the Composer. But Shibuya was bigger than all of them.
“We got the mission mail: 'Erase the Game Master at Pork City’. Surely you can’t be surprised we showed up?” The Composer’s words fairly dripped with condescension.
Mission mail?
Megumi.
That little shitstain. Sho grimaced. Perhaps his monuments hadn’t covered his activities quite as well as he’d hoped.
How… unfortunate.
Time to roll with the punches.
“An inverse matrix?! Double-crossed by the Conductor himself.” Sho let a feral grin cross his face.
He’d been told more than once that it was rather unnerving.
“No matter. Just saves me the effort of hunting you yoctograms down. Not quite the dramatic irony of our last showdown, but maybe the different variables will lead to a more satisfying answer.”
Sho began to draw in the power of the sigils he engraved on the soles of his boots while simultaneously beginning the transformation into his Noise form. He’d need time to cast the Flare spell since his prep work had been interrupted. If that meant corrupting his Noise form with Taboo energy, he’d do what he had to do.
At least Sho wouldn’t be infected long enough to go on a rampage. This was all going to end here.
It was weird. Sho figured he’d have to fight off them off while transforming so he could fight them at his peak capacity–but the kid seemed to be having a fit of some kind.
“It was you… You killed me!”
What.
Oh, that was just going to make turning the Composer into paste all the sweeter. Fucking mind-fucking asshole.
Sho snarled.
“None of that matters now,” he locked eyes with the Composer who looked sickly satisfied. “Let’s end this Game–prepare to get crunched!”
Sho wished this were a normal week.
Sho wished this were a normal week, and that the kid was a normal Player with a normal Partner.
Because they fought beautifully together.
They carefully calculated their positions and resources in proportion to their opponent’s to achieve the maximum damage while receiving the minimum injury.
Few Players ever reached this level of competency.
Then again, few Players ever played multiple weeks–with one of those weeks paired with the Composer Themself.
This Sakuraba Neku has so much potential.
And he was going to be erased here and now because he had the misfortune of answering the clarion call of CAT’s Art.
What a fucking waste.
It didn’t even matter that they defeated him. He wasn’t giving their fight his full attention. He was creating runes out of pure Imagination and constructing the Flare sigil.
Sho’s Noise form dissipated as he fell to one knee, breath being torn out of his lungs raggedly.
“A for effort kiddies, but looks like we’ve reached the final conclusion.”
The Composer was sneering, but his proxy just looked…
Bewildered.
Satisfied that his enemy was down, but… Deep in his eyes was a grand confusion about what was happening.
'Sorry kid. I don’t got time to clear things up for you, and you don’t got time to hear it.’
“I thought you were going to crunch us?”
Sho snorted. Then chortled. Followed by a squeaky giggle.
A little hysteria at the end was good for the soul, right?
And if Sho could wipe that smug confidence from the Composer’s face, it would be worth getting himself erased in the process.
Sho began chanting the final calculations aloud, slotting the last few runes into place. It was too late to stop what Sho had carefully set in motion. Even if the Composer managed to erase Sho, the spell would still go off.
He had time to gloat.
“I’ve been telling you fools all along, but no one ever listens. This world is made up of numbers, and I’ve been reverse-engineering the solution to my problems–to the insurmountable obstacles in my path.
"I am victorious,” Sho spat, that feral grin firmly back in place, even as fear took root in the Composer’s eyes as They finally perceived what Sho had been doing under Their nose the entire week.
The Flare burned Sho from the inside out expanding rapidly, taking out all in its path.
Sho’s last sight was strange though–the Composer pushing Their Proxy away and through the wards, shielding Their Partner from the brunt of the blast until Sakuraba was clear.
It didn’t fit Sho’s perception of the Composer at all. Why sacrifice himself for the Proxy? Not even Megs was delusional enough to uphold the bet if the Composer Themself was gone.
But Sho didn’t have time to sort out what it meant.
He was already gone.
Minamimoto’s next memory is of agony.
It was strange, however, he only remembers the agony when he looks back on the moment.
At the time, everything was…
Jagged…
Blinding…
Nonsensical…
He pulled himself out of the refinery sigil in Udagawa and tried to piece himself back together.
He looked around, and wanted to
…rend…consume…destroy…
but everything in him rebelled and tried to smother that instinct
NO! Precious–Protect–Preserve–
and he was left at war with himself, huddled on the dirty alley-way floor until he was able to refashion himself into a semi-coherent whole.
Minamimoto was the last line of defense. The Composer was going to destroy the precious thing. The Composer must be destroyed.
As he rose from the ground, he took in the remains of the refinery sigil on the wall behind him. Every stroke perfect and in place–mathematically perfect and soothing to the eye even in its consumed format.
deep inside a part of him screamed defiance
It was satisfying to see the runes that had guaranteed his rebirth.
Minamimoto grinned and clawed through them, ensuring no one else could reverse engineer his rebirth. He would be the pinacle of Reaperdom–a superior being worthy of saving this pathetic realm.
He just needed access to the Shibuya River.
The Café was abandoned.
frustration anger rage
The Producer appeared to have bounced.
Did the Composer discover their duplicity? Had they run in fear?
except the Composer was erased
Minamimoto squat down the whimpering voice that tried to undermine the Mission. Minamimoto had Survived, therefore his Nemesis must have Survived as well.
And if the Composer had indeed Perished, well, someone must still be holding the reins if there was a Game running.
no players no game
Minamimoto scoffed. His Taboo Noise was still crunching down on Reapers, who were all up and active in the UG. The Game was definitely still on.
And eventually, he even managed to track down those pesky Players.
Sue him. He got distracted creating a new monument. His rebirth deserved a grand announcement–the plebes needed to see him and cower before his might.
And who should cross his path but the two idiots from the first week–the murder-victim-proxy and the reaper-who-should-have-been-erased. The Conductor was still hedging his bets, obviously.
fucking megs
The Players were not suitably impressed with his resurrection–did not even seem to care about the whys and hows.
And that caused the rage to swell up. He spewed everything out at them, trying to pound into their thick skulls that he was a force to be reckoned with and they should cower before him–
Perfectplanperfectexecutioneverypieceinplacesuperiorityadaptability
–and when they still didn’t show him the appropriate respect, Minamimoto trounced them.
It was the perfect test run of his new powers, and it worked beautifully. Not even the Composer would be able to stand up to him now. Minamimoto was going to get the top spot and rule like he’d always been destined to–everything in his image.
Filled with glee, Minamimoto left the morons eating his dust while he made for the River.
Only to find his way blocked.
Not even his new Taboo powers managed to eat through the barrier no matter how much power he blasted through.
no elegance no refinement
Claws as sharp as daggers gripped at his skull, pulling his hair with sharp tugs, trying to get that insidious little voice to shut up, ignoring the rents left behind on his skull.
look closely
strands like barbed wire
chainlink wards
konishi’s work
That’s right. The Iron Bitch had an attention for detail that rivalled his own, if not the artistic flair. But her wards were impeccable, it was undeniable.
Given enough time, Minamimoto would eventually be able to break through. But he was on a deadline.
He kicked a wall in frustration and began making a new monument to keep himself occupied while he waited.
If he’d known he’d need Konishi, he wouldn’t have left her with the twerps when he’d kicked their asses.
“…I want you to make me your Conductor.”
Holy shit.
Glee rose up within Minamimoto and he didn’t try to subdue the manic grin crossing his face.
“Double-crossing Megs? How delightful!”
And it was. Delicious and satisfying–loyalties and partnerships crumbling to dust around him. Acknowledgment of his power and glory.
fool me once
Oh, of course she’d ultimately wind up betraying him down the road, but that kind of malicious intent would keep him on his toes–keep him from getting as compliant as the Conductor or bored as the Composer. There would be no trust, no complacency. Desperation breeds innovation, and the court of Composer Minamimoto would be full of innovation.
Minamimoto was barely out of sight of the fools facing Konishi when he was suddenly crushed, both physically and spiritually. He frothed at the mouth, scrambling for a fraction of power, something, anything to fight back against the force constraining him.
And found himself cut off at every turn.
satisfaction
“A shame it’s come to this. But don’t fret, dear. I have the feeling that things are about to get very interesting.”
No footsteps accompanied the voice and its trailing giggle, but the howling rage of his dissenting feelings made clear who had bested him.
COMPOSER
“Be a good boy, now, and sleep.”
No matter how hard he tried to fight it, Minamimoto succumbed to the power in that voice.
Sho didn’t expect to wake up again.
That’s twice he didn’t get what he wanted.
(And if he ever found that pathetic excuse of an Angel–who must have been the one to fix the refinery sigil–he’d make the barista regret ever existing…)
It took days to sort out his feelings and memories, trying to figure out just who Minamimoto Sho still was, and if he was still the Reaper he’d been before his Taboo-resurrection.
(Close examination showed his appearance at least was back to normal, with the addition of a fully healed bullet crease on his right arm. His mental state though, well. He hadn’t realized how off his rocker he’d been while Taboo-ified. Who knew what his actual state was now?)
And just as he felt he had his head screwed on somewhat straight, he was summoned before the Composer.
Except…
Did he really want to stand before a Composer who lost his bet? Was there any point sticking around to be a punching back for the Composer’s frustrations?
Shit.
Because Sho knew he couldn’t leave without the Composer’s permission. That was one of the restrictions of being a Reaper–you didn’t cross district boundaries without all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed from Administration. It was a hassle. It was why so few Reapers bothered.
Sho was a master of the paperwork, he’d done it so often.
But he still needed Composer approval.
'And after this last month,’ Sho thought, glumly, 'What are the chances of getting that?’
Walking into the Shibuya River was eerie. It was supposed to be eerie. You were entering into the lair of a god of the dead. If you didn’t approach with some reticence and respect, there was something wrong with you.
At least, if you weren’t a Reaper Officer who was constantly in the Dead God’s Pad. Then it was old hat and reverence went right out the window.
But this time, Sho found it eerie.
It was… silent. The lights flickered off of recent battle damage, and rubble–including a badly constructed imitation of one of Sho’s own monuments–casting strange shadows that flickered in and out as the imprint of the area tried to reassert itself over the recent reality. That the Composer hadn’t just overwritten things back to normal was telling of Their mood.
There wasn’t any Noise.
Not that Noise was common in the Shibuya River, but there were usually a few hanging around–following Officers who wanted them available for quick errands.
No Reapers either–Officers or otherwise.
The area was barren–dead.
Entering the common area, where the Officers gathered to receive their assignments and plan out future Games, Sho was shocked to see the evidence of battle here, too.
Overturned sofas; smashed aquariums; broken bottles and glassware; slashed paintings and cracked statues…
It was a warzone.
And standing in the middle of it was the Composer Themself.
That brought Sho up short.
The Composer stayed in the Throne Room–creating Their vision. The Conductor traversed the boundaries between the two worlds, bringing that Vision to life.
Where the fuck was Megs?
“I’m pleased to see you’re recovering, Minamimoto.”
Unlike during the Game where They wore their mortal guise, the Composer now stood before Sho in Their true form–an ethereal being made of light whom Sho couldn’t even properly perceive. Even Their voice hummed at a frequency that wasn’t quite sound yet pierced the brain.
It all gave Sho a fucking headache.
“Bullshit. I’ve been a pain in your ass all month. Where the fuck is Megs?”
Higashizawa was gone; erased that first week for no good fucking reason. Konishi musta been erased by either the Players or Megs when he discovered her betrayal. That left Minamimoto as the only Officer, and he figured he’d be getting demoted any second now. Where the fuck was Megumi? Someone needed to start gathering new Officers…
“I’m afraid dear Megumi paid the ultimate price for his love of Shibuya.”
Sho’s brain froze.
Then rage filled him–almost as strong as when he was more Taboo than Reaper.
“Are you serious right now?! Megs jumps through your hoops, wins your little bet, and you fucking erased him?!”
It wasn’t that Sho was particularly fond of Megumi, but the fucker was a decent administrator when he wasn’t egregiously kissing the Composer’s ass–and UG’s needed administrators to keep running smoothly.
And what was to stop the Composer from just going ahead and flattening Shibuya on a whim, now?
The area that represented the Composer’s head tilted curiously, as if inspecting something interested.
“You misunderstand. Megumi lost, and thus paid the price. He Played well, and had no regrets at the end.”
Sho didn’t hear anything after the words 'Megumi lost’, though.
No.
Nononononono.
“BULLSHIT!” Minamimoto roared, and strode across the debris-ridden room to shake the ethereal being by Their lapels.
(Or what would have been their lapels if they weren’t a being made of light.)
“YOU wanted Shibuya destroyed. MEGS wanted it to continue. Shibuya is still here, therefore YOU lost and MEGS won so where is he?”
Gentle hands gripped Sho’s own, and removed them with careful but implacable force.
“I changed my mind.”
Numbness creeped up on Sho.
Changed Their mind. Like that was an option. Like destruction hadn’t been hanging over all of them like the sword of Damocles and why didn’t they all just sit down and have a nice little chat–
The Composer changed Their mind, shifted the goalposts to match Megumi’s own side and still erased him for it.
Force burst out from Sho, and all of the loose debris and broken furniture smashed into the walls. Electrical wires danced and sparked and Noise finally started floating in, drawn by the emotional upheaval.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? What gives you the goddamned right–!”
The chaos didn’t touch the Composer; not a single whisp of light was displaced by Sho’s tantrum. And that caused Sho’s anger to fizzle out. He thumped down onto the ground with growl, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.
“Fuck it. Just get it over with.”
An amused chortle, similar enough to Their giggles in that blasted mortal form that Sho was tempted to make a futile attempt at strangling the fucker.
“Get what over with, dear?”
Sho didn’t bother to look up. Would not give the fucker that satisfaction.
“My punishment. I tried to kill you. Multiple time. I unleashed Taboo Noise on the UG. I can’t stop you, you’ve proved that. So what’s it gonna be?”
There were no footsteps or other noise, no change in light quality to indicate movement; but suddenly the Composer was crouched in front of Sho, a hand gently stroking over Sho’s cap.
“There will be consequences from my bet with Megumi, to be sure, but you will not be paying them. You played the Game brilliantly, and will continue to do so.”
Scootching back out of the Composer’s immediate reach, Sho looked up incredulously, trying to figure out the angle.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
And it was impossible to make out individual features on the Composer’s face (face-area?), but nonetheless Sho got the impression of a wry grin.
“Many things, according to you and Neku. And you’re both probably right. But there are higher powers that I who are in charge of my conduct, and don’t you fret–I shall be censured most harshly for this mess. Why, it’ll be the perfect time for some enterprising young Officer to seek a promotion! Think of the possibilities!”
And there was that fucking giggle.
But Sho wasn’t going to rise to that bait. When not off his gourd on Taboo energy, being Composer was only a means to an end–a way to protect Shibuya. If the Composer was serious about changing Their mind, Sho was content to continue refining his craft within the boundaries of his Officer position. Promotion to higher positions could wait.
Although, now that the Composer had mentioned him…
“What did you wind up doing with that kid, Sakuraba?”
A wistful sigh, like some lovesick teen, and now Sho was going to be sick…
“Oh, my dear Neku was a treasure from beginning to end. So grumpy and misanthropic, yet somehow willing to help others. Desirous to save a world full of people he hated. A delightful contradiction.”
There was the impression of a mischievous grin.
“Why, I thought for sure that after faking my own death and revealing that I was the one who murdered him in the first place that he’d revel in the opportunity to shoot me back. Especially when I laid the fate of Shibuya on the line.”
Sho’s blood ran cold. How the fuck can anyone get off on causing so much mayhem and trauma…?
“But he placed the fate of Shibuya straight back in my hands, trusted me to do the right thing, even after all that I’d already done.”
A revelation steeped in a wounded childlike wonder. Sho just felt sick.
Sho would have shot the bastard.
“What the hell was the point of that?”
“Why, to save my own skin, of course.”
What.
“Oh, don’t make that face,” the Composer cooed. “As I said, I’m going to be in quite a bit of trouble for all of this, but killing someone to create a Player, why that would have meant an Annihilation far beyond simple erasure. So we played a final Game. And dear Neku’s entry fee was his time in the Game.”
It was brilliant.
Neku shoots the Composer and wins, Composer is not there to restore the entry fee; Composer gets around this Annihilation business with a standard erasure while Neku becomes the new Composer and inherits this fucking mess. Composer doesn’t have to deal with Their ennui.
Neku lets the Composer shoot him, the time in the Game becomes a valid piece of lost collateral. The Composer can’t be punished for it.
As long as the murdered Player is restored.
It was disgustingly self-serving.
“So, the kid’s alive then?” Because Sho doesn’t trust the Composer as far as he can throw him.
“Yes, yes.” Finally the Composer stands back up, a dismissive hand flapping at Sho, still on the ground. “Neku and his Partners all restored as reward for surviving the Game. And I even threw in that little Noise as a bonus for being good sports.”
Sho is exhausted, and he still doesn’t know what his own fate is going to be.
“So, you need me to make the appropriate memory alterations? Evidence tampering? The usual?” Maybe once he’s done, the Composer will let him leave.
Hands dancing through the air, the debris in the Dead God’s Pad finally begins to collect itself back together at the Composer’s whim. Order beginning to be restored.
“Oh, don’t you fret so, Minamimoto. That was days ago, while you were still recovering. Everything that needs to be handled has been handled. We need to focus closer to home.”
There’s something about that that tickles Sho’s brain, something that’s not quite right, but it’s overridden by a far more alarming issue.
“We.” Flat, disbelieving.
“Naturally. I’ve already started arrangements to borrow Conductors from adjacent districts on a short term basis, but we really need more than one officer to help run things, don’t you think? Be a dear, and look through the personnel files–surely some of our harriers distinguished themselves during these last Games and can be fast-tracked to promotion…”
And… the fucker just keeps listing out a multitude of different tasks that need to be done. And need to be done now. By Sho.
Sho, who is fucking exhausted. Who’s still shaky within his own mind. Who is still contemplating running the Composer through at the first opportunity that rises.
Sho, who is the only one left to help pick up the pieces.
And Sho does love Shibuya.
And Sho does want to be handy when it’s time to take down the fucker who played with all of their lives. He may not be powerful enough now, but he’s started from a more knowledgeable position this time, so maybe the next time he’s needed he’ll have a chance.
So Sho decides, without making any big issue out of it, to stay.
He notes the tasks that need to be done, and starts figuring out the steps to do them. Starting with the new Officers. Because fucked if he’s doing this alone.
Joshua feels the moment when Minamimoto decides to stay, a sharp note going back in tune. He smiles to himself, but makes sure it doesn’t seep out into his aura. There’s still work to be done.
(To be continued)
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