#diary of a grad school kid

[almondcroissantsandink]

was absolutely stopped in my tracks and BLOWN away yesterday at work when a coworker called me pure; I literally haven't been called that in over a decade and there's always been something about it that rubs me the wrong way

[daydreamlng]

.

[btsgotjams27]

the nanny diaries ~ jjk

summary: you're running out of time and you're desperate to find anyone to watch your son.

✨ title: the nanny diaries (drabble series) | the unexpected nanny ✨ pairing: jungkook x single mom!reader ✨ word count: 1.9K |✨ genre: fluff, humor, cute |✨ rating: g ✨ warnings: mentions of a sperm donor, reader is anxious, a sassy four-year-old ✨ a/n: here’s the first drabble for this series! i feel bad for dropping ffy!jk on you guys yesterday, so here’s fluffy jk ;)

[ DRABBLES MASTERLIST ] ✨ next - the blind date

You were running out of time. Your current nanny, Gracie, was indefinitely leaving you to go off to grad school. Stupid grad school. You were happy for her, but you were just losing one of the best nannies you've come across in a long time. And having to leave your son in the hands of another stranger was giving you anxiety.

Seven interviews later with a string of nannies, no one was jumping out at you. Gracie had given you a name of a friend she thought you'd love, but you were reluctant when you saw the name.

Jeon Jungkook.

His resume and references were impressive, but a guy as a nanny? You'd heard too many bad stories and listened to too many true crime podcasts, making you uncertain about choosing him.

"You'll love Jungkook. He's great with kids. He's currently in-between jobs as a teacher, so he asked if I had any leads. I told him I was leaving my current job and asked if he'd be interested. Give him a shot, boss, or at least a trial run with Ha Joon."

You groaned when you gave his resume another glance. Maybe you could go with the second person you interviewed, only she did have a weird thing about not cooking. Okay, scratch that. Shuffling through the other resumes, you looked at the last person you interviewed, Sun-Hee. Thinking back, you really liked her - except that she made a face when she discovered that Ha Joon was conceived through a sperm donor and not the traditional way.

"Mommy," Ha Joon stood beside you, tugging your shirt, "Did you find someone to watch me yet?"

You wanted to lie and say yes, but lying wouldn't solve your nanny problem, now would it? You peered down at the cute little face. "Not yet, baby."

"But, mommy, if you don't find someone, you'll have to take me to work with you." His tone was almost joyful.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?"

Ha Joon grinned. He loved going to work with you, but your boss would be livid if you turned your office into a daycare. So you motioned for Ha Joon to climb onto your lap as you spread out the resumes.

"Okay, Ha-Joon-ah, take a good look at these pictures. Since it's very hard for mommy to choose, why don't I let you pick who you would like to hang out with while I'm at work."

His eyes widened in delight. "I get to pick?!"

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his head. You were taking the easy way out - forcing your child to choose his caretaker. That's great parenting, right?

Ha Joon carefully peered at each piece of paper, squinting his eyes. His little index finger tapped the side of his chubby cheek, going hmm as if this was a tough decision for him. He picked the no-cooking nanny and put her back down, then he picked up the judging nanny and shook his head. At last, he came across Jungkook's resume and looked closely at his picture.

"Why does he have a ring on his lip?"

He what? You examined the photo of Jeon Jungkook. Oh god–he has a lip piercing? What kind of teacher was this guy, and Gracie vouched for him?

"Um…Sometimes people like to get certain parts of their bodies pierced, and it looks like he got his lip pierced," you said sheepishly to your son.

"Cool. Can I get my lip pierced when I get bigger?"

You let out a dry chuckle. "Of course, you can–but only if you eat all of your vegetables and clean up your room!"

Ha Joon groaned at your proposal. He mumbled okay.

"So… who's going to hang out with my little man while I'm at work?"

He peered up at you, grinning from ear to ear, pointing to the one person you feared he'd choose. "This guy."

Ha Joon made his decision, and you weren't going to deny him of his choice, even if you were reluctant to have a man watch your son. Nonetheless, you called Jungkook to see if he was available to do a trial run. He immediately agreed to come out the next day, thanking you for the opportunity.

Fridays were your days to work from home, and usually, Gracie would take Ha Joon out while you worked. But today, you asked Jungkook to come hang out with Ha Joon at home just to see if they would vibe well.

The doorbell rang at precisely 7:30AM, which took you by surprise. You weren't expecting him to be punctual. You yelled for Ha Joon to hurry because their guest had arrived. As you approach the door, you see Ha Joon hiding something behind his back. You narrowed your eyes, wondering what it could be, but alas, you didn't want to keep Jungkook waiting.

"Ready? You asked with a big smile, and Ha Joon nodded, gesturing for you to open the door. And you were greeted by a man who looked nothing like the photo. His hair had grown significantly, and because the image was only a headshot, you weren't expecting to see tattoos peeking out from under his long-sleeve charcoal gray shirt. His face was adorned with black horn-rimmed glasses and a silver lip ring.

"Hi, you must be Y/n," he held his hand for you to shake, then he crouched down to Ha Joon's level, "and I'm going to take a wild guess that you're Ha Joon?" The corner of Jungkook's lips curved into a smile when he looked at Ha Joon, and you could tell your son was already smitten by this man.

Ha Joon immediately whirled his surprise behind his back and showed it to Jungkook. "I hope you like Iron Man. He's my favorite."

"Dude–you're in luck because he's my favorite too."

Your son peered up at you, "Mommy–don't you have to work?"

You scoffed. "You want me to leave?"

"Yeah. I want to show Jungkook my room!" Ha Joon immediately ran off, not waiting for further instructions from you.

You gestured for Jungkook to set his things down, giving him the basic rundown of Ha Joon's schedule and yours and a quick tour of the apartment. "Do you have any questions?"

Jungkook's eyes wandered around the room before flitting back to yours. "I don't think so. Will you be around today in case we need anything?"

"Yeah, I'll just be in my room. My boss knows I'm doing a trial run, so you guys can interrupt me if you need anything," you smiled before taking a step towards Ha Joon's room.

Jungkook cleared his throat. "Thank you," he said, leaping forward to catch you before you ran off, making you halt in your tracks. "I know seeing a male nanny is odd, but I hope I get to earn your trust."

You beamed at him. "It looks like Ha Joon already adores you, so it'll be tough for him to let you go. Just letting you know that now."

The rest of the day, you didn't hear a single peep from Ha Joon and Jungkook, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. You kept peering out from behind your monitor to see if they needed you, but you were only met with silence.

Finally, you were fed up, taking a break from work to check up on the two. Quietly, you knocked on Ha Joon's door, opening to see what they were up to. Your hand was met with another's as Jungkook quickly pulled you down underneath a blanket fort, telling you to be quiet.

"What are we doing?" You whispered.

"If we make a peep, the gremlin will come and get us," Jungkook mumbled.

"Gremlin?"

"The gremlin hears voices--it's time to find Jungkookie and take him to jail, where he will be our slave." Ha Joon popped up, wearing his Iron Man Mask, holding up a toy sword.

Jungkook pointed to Ha Joon. "The little gremlin," he giggled.

"He really is a little gremlin sometimes," you snickered, trying to hold back your laugh before your little gremlin came knocking. You and Jungkook glanced at each other as the blanket fort was stripped away, uncovering the two of you.

"The gremlin has found you! Mommy? What are you doing here?" Ha Joon asked with a confused look on his face.

"Hi baby, I just wanted to come check up on you to see if you're okay."

"Mommy..." Ha Joon whined, "you need to go to work and make money for me. You can play with me later."

You scoffed at your little man, and Jungkook couldn't help but giggle at how direct Ha Joon was - that was one thing he loved about kids. They had no filter.

"Okay, okay. I'll go back to work," you said, standing up and walking to the door.

Ha Joon glared at you. "Bye, mommy," he said before slamming the door.

You didn't bother the two as you finished work. All you could hear were funny voices, some muffled happy screams, and crashes of Ha Joon's toys.

To be honest, you were a bit jealous of the two. Most days, when you got off of work, you were too tired to play with Ha Joon, and that's when mom guilt kicked in. Ha Joon was happy with you, at least you hoped so, but you could hear how excited he was with another man in his life. You suppose a little boy needed some kind of male role model in his life, so you hoped that Jungkook would work out well for your little family.

As you were going to leave work for the day, your boss emailed, asking you to hop on a quick call. It was close to dinner time, so you quickly ran out to let Jungkook know what was happening. He didn't mind staying longer if you needed him to, and for that, you were grateful.

You glanced at the little clock in the corner of your monitor, reading 7:30PM. The 'little' call turned into a big call because your boss had a million things to discuss with you. As you were fed up, you made an excuse that your nanny had to leave and that you needed to take care of your son, which technically wasn't a lie.

You sighed when your boss finally let you go. Quickly, you shut off your monitor and sprinted for your door to catch up with what Ha Joon and Jungkook were doing. And to your surprise, it was quiet when you walked into the living room. You assumed they were playing another game, but you found Jungkook putting the dishes away in the kitchen and Ha Joon nowhere in sight.

"Hey, um, where's Ha Joon?"

"Asleep."

Your mouth was agape when he told you this. Jungkook pushed over a plate of food he had fixed because he knew you'd be hungry after a long day at work.

"He had dinner - ate all of his vegetables, by the way, took a bath, cleaned his room, we read a book, sang a song, and now he's in bed."

What in god's name? Was Jeon Jungkook the answer to all of your prayers? No wonder Gracie said you would like him. He was like the nanny whisperer or something.

"How," you took a mouthful of rice, "How did you get him to eat his vegetables?" You asked, finally swallowing your rice.

Jungkook chuckled. "Easy. Told him that if he wanted to be big and strong like Iron Man, he'd have to eat his vegetables because all superheroes eat them."

You marveled at his simplistic answer. You wished you would've thought of that sooner. Maybe a male nanny wouldn't be so bad after all.

"So, when can you start?"

next - the blind date

[mac-cheez]

My Guide To Surviving The Waynes

This is inspired by an earlier post of mine and will be in an epistolary/Dracula style in the view of said uni student. I hope y'all like it!

Thxs @arrowheadedbitch for proofread and confidence.

Pt. 2 Pt. 3

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm not a diary person really. I was always told it helps you relax or work through your feelings, but it never seemed worth it...... well not till now. Not till a "normal" morning for me was eating cereal while shouting goes through the house and under threat of death if I finish the milk. This is what's currently happening as I write this on my laptop trying not to spill said cereal. As I listened to another argument between Tim and Damian about something inconsequential (something about galleries robbing banks?), I finally caved and started writing. I figure this could be useful for reference or advice or even study (these bitches are weird as hell). Maybe I should start with how I got here?

I grew up down South. The bible belt was a weird place, but I survived I guess. My parents are loving and as understanding as they can be with their own experiences and opinions. My father is Army so we were lucky to not be on wheels at all times. My only major move was my sophomore year of high school. I decided to apply for the exchange program and was picked due to my fluency in French. I was sent to Paris and, loved it so much I decided to stay. I was able to stay till graduation and still keep in touch with my friends. I know, picture perfect right?

After graduation, I applied to many different Universities and programs hoping for a good criminal justice program to learn in. Forensics was the main interest I was looking for. It just so happened that Gotham University's Forensics and Criminal Justice Facilities just got updated by the Wayne Foundation (probably to deal with the crime problem). I saw that it met all of my criteria and applied not thinking about it. A couple of my picks fell through, but most came back as acceptances. I was about to accept one of my local Universities when I got the Gotham U acceptance letter. It said the usual spiel of "we'd love to have you, blah, blah, blah", I was about to throw it in the pile when I saw one specific detail, "We boast a 95% employment rate of our Science-based graduates."

After some research, I found out that it was true. Most GU grads get hired straight out of school if they have a scientific degree. That paired with the brand new facilities made me reconsider. I talked with my parents, and they agreed that it was likely the best option, but they were concerned about me living in the dorms or an apartment in a place like Gotham. I was about to suggest living in a city nearby and just commuting when my dad asked us to wait for a minute. He made some calls while I talked with my mom about other things concerning the move. When he came back he said he had a friend from work who I could stay with. He told me he had a couple kids my age and plenty of room. It wasn't till I was in the limo with a very nice elderly man on my way to said friend's house that I realized he meant The Bruce Wayne. Once he parked (his name is Alfred btw) I got my luggage out and kinda just stared. He asked to take my bags but I just said no thank you. He hummed and led me to the door. It was quiet when he opened the door which I thought would be normal, but the worry on his face told me otherwise.

Suddenly from the hall, two boys ran by one yelling "MERCY" while the other smaller boy chased him with a sword and........ pink hair? I was concerned, but Alfred seemed more at ease so I tried not to think about it too much. Behind them, a guy came from the same hallway snickering at his phone.

"Master Duke, would you mind filling me in on the situation at hand?" Alfred asked him.

"Oh yeah Alfred, it was hilarious," 'Duke' said laughing, "so Tim put pink dye in the shampoo for Dick and then-," he stopped looking at me. "Uhhhhhhhh, Who's the girl?" He asked.

"A guest of Master Bruce," said Alfred.

"Oh! Oh. Uh, You're not......... ya know..... a guest," he asked.

"No god no I'm not that broke yet," I explained hoping the humor would land.

It seemed to because he immediately brightened and started introducing himself as Duke Thomas, one of Mr. Waynes Wards. I introduced myself and why I was there. It seemed like he was going to ask something when there was a crash and he said he should "make sure no one gets stabbed again".

"Well that was eventful," I said looking towards the hall he exited through.

"I'm sure you'll get used to it," said Afred, worrying me a little. This wasn't an occasional thing?

He started leading me-;skjfbsgdpibzebERROR++vbvnjkm;n;mxcvz;'anrvbA:----

[thelighthousestale]

Tagged by @annabtg!

🍓 how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I wrote fanfiction with my sister in a shared notebook when we were in elementary school. Then when the first Harry Potter movies came out in 2001 I was an active pre-teen on the WB Harry Potter message boards which then brought me to Mugglenet and FictionAlley.

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

4- Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Princess Diaries, Twilight,

🍈 How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Over twenty years but with breaks

🍎 Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I've gone through phases. I went ten years without writing anything but I was still an active reader. I'm no back to writing and reading

🍌 What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Well since I've been writing since I was a kid I hope I've improved a lot lol. I do one think is confidence though. I write for myself, not for the approval of others.

🍑 Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

Posting quickly. I need to slow down and allow things to breathe before I post.

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I went deep into medieval markets but then I didn't use any of it because I just wanted to do what narratively made sense and not what was historically accurate.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comments! It is such a gift to receive a little note that someone enjoyed what I wrote, even its just a little heart. I appreciate everything.

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I'm the only person interested in writing about Frank Longbottom (if another Frank girlie is out there please hit me up)

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Multi-chapter (I'm too impatient!)

🍏What is the easiest type?

Simple scenes or one-shots that have been stuck in my brain for a long time.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Google docs. Usually in the morning before work

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/ intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I'm not sure. I'm pretty much of the perspective that this fun and I do this for me so if I want to write something I will and if I'm struggling to write something or not having fun I'll table it for later.

🍇What made you choose your username?

Back when I was in grad school I made this secondary blog so I could share my depressed grad school thoughts away from my main blog. When I started writing fanfiction again I just started posting on this blog instead of my main since I didn't want to flood people with Harry Potter content. I debate with myself all the time if I want to change my username becuase I don't feel a connection to this username anymore and I don't really like being reminded how depressed I was in my twenties. But I don't know what my username should be so I;m stuck.

[ongreenergrasses]

15 questions, 15 tags

tagged by beloved @isabellehemlock

1. Are you named after anyone?

names are very important in my family, my father is part of a huge family and his last name Means Things (that are usually bad). so we don’t have his last name, but my siblings and i have family names as our middle names.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. i finally opened the original art for hands (an iteration) that @shatterthefragments sent me and i just started bawling dkdjfnf

3. Do you have kids?

THAT is a complicated question but the answer is no. someday

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i honestly don’t know….? i am very judgmental when it’s fun

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

it really depends on the context. the obvious is i notice their voices and their general body language. the work i do also means i’m very keyed into what people are saying and what they’re not saying.

6. What’s your eye color?

blue grey

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

both have their places in my heart! although emotionally i’m usually not able to handle happy endings, i just lose it and start crying skdjdnd

8. Any special talents?

myself and my siblings are incredibly musically gifted. we worked very hard at it but we also are naturally talented. i did the competition stuff and racked up a fair amount of trips and awards while i was at it (and some of those set into motion some of the most significant things in my life) but my magnum opus was playing Schelomo for my senior piece. it took a year of me and my wonderful very dedicated accompanist working our asses off to get it together. the man had to cut and paste the score to make it playable. incredible work on both our parts

9. Where were you born?

Alaska

10. What are your hobbies?

i have so many skdjdn i love to write and dance and play music, i do a lot of knitting and also fix our clothes with visible mending. i participate a lot in fandom and love writing prompt fills. i also make window stars (common where i grew up) and bead things if i get bored, i used to be able to make pretty sick beaded flowers but that fell out of my brain so i just make decorations now. i like writing letters to people but idk if that’s necessarily a hobby.

11. Do you have any pets?

yes! two wonderful cats, although one is being a significant drain on the wallet currently because of her health issues. she truly is my child

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

i am Not a sports person. i am a dancer though, classical ballet trained, did modern and contemporary for a while, and now do pole. i want to get back into contradancing once things get a little safer

13. How tall are you?

5’ 7” and i have a huge complex about it

14. Favorite subject in school?

biology, chemistry, and tbvh music. i thought i liked English but on reflection no

15. Dream job?

i don’t necessarily have a dream job bc i never dreamed of working but i would love to someday work in a museum. it always seemed really cool to me and with the planned grad school trajectory maybe i will!

tags and cat photos under the cut

tagging @shatterthefragments @unintentionalgenius @spacegirlsgang @combe-ferres @virgin-diaries @aphroditestummyrolls @rhubarbdreams @boulangerlee @elian-eldari @captain-grammar @astrabear @rupzydaisy @my-gaydar-is-on-point @lullabee-blue and as always no pressure 🌹

[theluxuriansecret]

Dear Diary 10102023

9:56 am

I realized what I have been doing wrong. I mean, tbh I've known for a while and yet the behavior hasn't changed but now that I recognize it, I can fix it. I go way to hard on day one, and do not pace myself. I also have no fucking discipline, which I'v been talking about for months but have barely seen any fucking change about it. I get so caught up in my head about the doing, so I don't do. It like stunts me, and so I can't think about the actual doing. I have to think of what needs to be done, and what it means to be done with said thing.

My future does not give a fuck about how I feel. And I need to stop acting like my GPA is high or some shit because it's really not, and if I want to go to grad school and move out and do all these things, I need to really get it the fuck together.

One thing I've realized is I am not nearly as independent as I like to think that I am like fr. I do not do my own laundry, I do not make my own dinner (for the most part my mom cooks). I don't grocery shop. I do not budget. I am actually incredibly bad with money. I CAN be careless, but tbh I don't feel like I make that much for it to be called careless spending. I don't have bills. Now I want to take advantage of the fact that I do not have all these things, but as badly as I want to get the fuck out of my home, I do not act like it. Am I as grown and responsible as I like to think? Am I really capable of taking care of myself for real? I mean, honestly who am I kidding I'm incredibly smart and I've done it before. I don't know what I'm worried about. I don't even know if the feeling is "worried" it's just excitement? Concern? idk.

Bro I so badly just want to be out of my fucking house. I feel like it does stunt my growth as a person and I'm tired of feeling like guilty and wanting to help my mom out with my life. I need to do my own thing.

[mariedemedicis]

📓 :)

Thank you for asking, Nikki! 💙

So, it’s a Jenna encounters the supernatural earlier/on her own, Cami gets a human friend and buddy.

When Elena calls her parents for a ride on that day in May, Miranda stays home. (Either she herself isn’t feeling all that well or Jeremy is sick and she stays to look after him.) Elena and Grayson still crash over Wickery Bridge and Grayson still indicates to Stefan that he should save Elena first but this Elena and Jeremy only lose one of their parents.

I chose to save Miranda over Grayson because frankly a) I needed him to still ask Stefan to save Elena and b) Miranda’s attitude towards and exact knowledge of the supernatural is unclear and nebulous, which to me makes things more fun.

Jenna of course comes home to Mystic Falls for Grayson’s funeral and stays for a few weeks to support her sister and the kids but instead of enrolling at Whitmore College and raising her niece and nephew on her own, she continues her studies as originally planned and moves to New Orleans to get her Master’s in Anthropology at Tulane.

(I actually just checked the vampire diaries wiki to see if I completely missed a mention where they said what Jenna was studying - it claims she was studying psychology but like her age/birth year, this is uncited so I think I’m gonna go ahead and ignore it.)

She and Cami meet at a grad student mixer. They become pretty fast friends and eventually roommates as well after Jenna’s lease is up.

Things around them sort of slowly get weird, like the boiling frog analogy. They have of course the usual school and work things going on, Cami as a bartender and Jenna as tbh I don’t know what kind of job she’d be doing 🤔, but very slowly they’re discovering weird shit going on right under their noses and it’s neat because they’re coming at it from totally different disciplines/perspectives, Jenna as a cultural anthropologist (I might fiddle with her specialty so don’t quote me on that but definitely an anthropologist) and Cami as a psychologist-in-training.

This is also where I ran out of idea steam to bridge the gap between the rest of the beginning of TVD (happening obviously offscreen and without Jenna and Cami’s knowledge) and the start of TO.

Jenna and Marcel become dear friends, maybe on the way to romantic, and Cami, well, let’s just say she’s heard a lot about Klaus before he ever shows his face.

Sean would be a character although I’m not quite sure what to do with him because we really know next to nothing about him but I think Jenna would be close to him too.

[studywithsilver]

been a while

Ah...last update was two months ago.

Well, things somehow got more busier after exams were over.

Exams finished in November with MCQs and I can barely remember how well I did ahaha all I know is that results come out in 10 days.

Ooh something interesting did happen in November though. I graduated high school :DD

It was really fun meeting my friends after the brunt of my exams and after 7 months since April when we left school. A lot of them hadn't seen me for a quite a while ahahah and I hadn't spoken to them in so long as well.

Somehow, we all just slipped back into normal conversation and our grad was so goofy? We were skipping parts of it to fix our sarees (yes we had to wear traditional clothing to our graduation) and hang out to take pictures, or to clap with the band performing.

And afterwards we had a DJ and stuff to play music and it was pretty fun, ngl, even if it's not something I'd usually like. My feet did hurt a lot after though.

Did I take a pic of me stepping out of school at night to be sentimental? Of course I did.

My friend gifted me a Leebit keychain and my sister made me a cake with a Leebit topper for grad as well :))

After grad, I mostly lazed around a bit for November but then started to do more stuff, and was looking into universities as well. I couldn't really consider any abroad as they were pretty pricey but I found my course in a few unis here.

In December, I visited a few of the unis and spoke to the representatives and I decided on one. I applied to it and they sent me a conditional offer with admission based on my results.

Sigh....we'll see how that goes T-T

I finally picked up sewing as well! Been wanting to get back into it for years ever since I kept trying to sew pouches as a 9-year old lmao

Plus, ironically I've been studying the A Level Business textbook to prep for uni. I was doing a few courses online as well.

Ooh and I finally committed to learning Korean! Doing pretty well, except I took a break to focus on Business prep.

So, post grad plans weren't too bad, I hope?

Oh, and of course, catching up with SKZ content ahaha especially end-of-the year stages. It's been a couple years since I'd watched these stages as a BTS fan, and it was nice coming back to it.

So many cool performances! And the ROCK-STAR comeback as well, it was just so amazing. I caught a few of their performances on TV as well

This year was certainly a rollercoaster of emotions for me, and definitely in terms of growth. I think I associate it with confused emotions, and trying to figure out where to keep my feet in a constant, liquid consistency of feelings.

I think for younger me, she would have been pleased to know that I tried many things this year. As a kid, I had the notion that I was horrible at any type of hobby or skill that wasn't getting good grades or being a great student.

Of course, I didn't see the greatest improvement in my grades as I left school, but I did learn how to socialise better and I learnt so many other skills. I have talent besides sitting down and cramming information into my head.

I think. (In true, 17-year old confused fashion.)

Oh, and I totally forgot to write this year 😅 but keeping the study diary was good for me to get out the weird feelings sometimes.

2023 was also a major fangirling year. Met SKZ after four years of jamming to MIROH and Levanter, to meeting them right out of school. Like literally, I think I started watching Chan clips in the last week of March. Man, he really dragged me into this chaos.

But it's chaos that is somehow safe to me.

The livestreams, the bbl messages, the SKZ-CODE episodes, the discovery of their discography (I still have a few older albums to listen to) the love they put into their work. They're so cool, honestly. They're like older brothers to me.

K-pop has its ups and downs but I can't deny it being part of my teenagehood since I was 11. I'm glad SKZ were the guys who got me back into it.

AHHHH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL :D

GABOJAGO 2024 💪🖤❤

[daydreamlng]

.

[meetthehannah]

tw: suicide, rant, anger, body dysmorphia, starving, not good vibes

I feel like I am about to fucking explode lets go over the deets yes this is my diary

best friend tried to kill themselves

wrist probably sprained hurts like a bitch have to wear a brace

have articles i have to read for research paper havent had the time

have had the time today BUT everyone decided to be very loud today and i had no where else to go because a huge fucking storm fucked up the power of two thirds of the city

no alone time bc its a long weekend which means everyone is always going to be home

wanted to go to event with some people but they bailed on me last minute and i already paid for my ticket but didnt want to go alone

it seriously feels like whenever i try to plan something it doesnt end up happening its so fucking annoying, i dont even plan that much i just usually do whatever they want to do because i like spending time with my friends but this event was something i really wanted to do before i left for grad school

before that one of those same people, a good friend of mine, commented on how much i ate and how even her and the other person only ate so much of the one entree they shared and oh my she would feel sooooo bloated if she ate that much and SHUT THE FUCK UP ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHYYYYY THE FUCK ARE YOU COMMENTING ON HOW MUCH I EAT HOW IS THAT EVER APPROPRIATE

this comes after one of my supervisors at work asked me why i gained so much weight

body dysmorphia and insecurity vibes rn

why the fuck did i get both of these comments after starting a new workout routine and not snacking nearly as much i fucking hate people so god damned much

literally im going to start starving myself again fuck everybody

i want to YELL and SCREAM and PUNCH WALLS but i cant do that with everyone in the house so like yeah thats great

imposter syndrome setting in about grad school i dont feel like i should have gotten in it all feels like a big mistake and theyll discover im not qualified and kick me out because ill do so terribly

to top it all off and the reason why im posting this here and not talking to my therapist is because my schedule will probably not allow me a therapy session this week so i feel like im going fucking crazy

i have to go on a trip with my mom which will be...interesting

i feel like exploding jfc

like literally if a car hit me and killed me rn i would not be sad

[superstarfighter]

Wednesday, September 15, 2021 [84/100] :: Yesterday I started the day with my coworking session at 7.45 am. We have to start this a bit earlier this week because my friend is attending a conference. My head and brain is a bit overwhelmed right now and I couldn't focus very well on my work. Today I'll try to focus on writing my last paper, or rather bringing it into shape and also polish a few details here and there in my thesis.

I took it easy the last two days. On Monday I did a bit of an 9/11 day, watched a documentary (and then some more) and I have this infantile fascination with watching footage from that day and how surreal all these events seem, even now, 20 years later. How unimaginable it all was, how badly the world has changed, how it demonised millions of people in the turn of a week or so.

Then I remembered this one book that I never read but that was recommended a few times. Turns out for a long time it was the favourite book of one of my friends. So I started reading "Extremely loud & incredibly close" by Jonathan Safran Foer. I made it through the first 4 or 5 chapters in one day and I enjoy it a lot so far.

[perpetuallyaiming]

The batch as middle schoolers! Ahhh remember the good ol’ days of middle school… yeah there were just as much bad times as there were good

Hunter was one of those trading card game collectors who would challenge other kids at lunch to war—ahem. A friendly battle

Pokémon cards, Magic the Gathering cards, Yugiyoh, he’s got em ALL

He has normal decks obviously, but also got troll decks, op banned decks, and even counterfeit homemade decks

Wrecker likes to collect said cards with him, but could never quite grasp all the rules, so he prefers to watch and attempt to trade for cool cards he likes

Tech founded the Rubik’s Cube Club, change my mind

On that note, he also either started, or is in leadership position on the Math Olympiad and Science Bowl clubs

He also brings homemade cold sandwiches because the school food isn’t ‘healthy enough’

Hunter and Wrecker are permanent PE buddies unless they didn’t end up in the same class. In that case, Wrecker partners with Crosshair

Sports Cross is godly at: Ultimate Frisbee, Shotput, Football/Soccer/Basketball (at least the aiming part)

Hunter is a natural all-rounder in PE, scoring top scores for all fitness tests (Yes, including the Fitness Gram Pacer Test. Especially the Fitness Gram Pacer Test.)

Wrecker holds the school record for the push-up test, timing out on the cadence and still going strong

Tech! Techy boi, he’s the reason the school has an advanced program, in fact, he might be the only one in said program

He’s also part of the First Tech Challenge. Actually, scratch that, he started the team for his school because he wanted to call his personal projects ‘School Activity’

He also always has the coolest science projects. Ever.

Crosshair, oh Crosshair, even though he doesn’t talk that much normally, he is part of the Drama club (that dramatic bitch)

Onstage he’s an entirely different person, I’d like to believe. Gotta play Hamilton? Prince Charming? Beast or Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast? Well, apparently he’s a very convincing actor

He also sneaks into the Literature Club to have his writings critiqued (insert Crosshair Chronicles by @a-lil-perspective)

Echo takes the cooking elective, and also shares Woodshop and a language class with Cross

You can often find Crosshair and Echo in the school library, both to get away from people and also to just read ✨

Cross prefers fiction and Echo likes historical works. But that doesn’t mean the entire batch haven’t read all of Geronimo Stilton, Captain Underpants, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I’d like to think Echo plays an instrument and Hunter is in the Choir?

Hunter tried asking his crush out to grad dance, but the school brought in console gaming trucks, so he and his brothers got distracted

I can probably come up with so much more but oh god now I can’t stop imagining them running around my middle school as thirteen year olds

[huckleberrysyrup]

i’ve been reallllly wanting a baby lately and i know i need to wait because i make no money and im still in school and we’re not married and there’s a lot i want/need to do before i have babies but DAMN i feel so ready for that part of my life even tho my life isnt ready for it yet

[ad1thi]

2020 fic recs!! [Part 2]

part 2 of my 2020 fic recs!! as before, ive limited this to five fics per month; and fics are ordered by the month they were published. This spans fandoms and ships, and hopefully you find something you like!! credit for the idea goes to @iam93percentstardust

***

July

this is the start: @capnwinghead

Clark and Bruce continue raising the Wayne children and encounter a number of challenges along the way.

great minds (love alike): @starklysteve

Steve’s eyes flicks down to Tony’s knees on the floor.

“Are you – are you proposing to me with my ring for you?” Steve asks incredulously, eyes wide and confused.

---

Or, Steve finds Tony’s ring for him, Tony finds Steve’s ring for him. Panic happens.

Marvels Unsolved: @iam93percentstardust

Marvels Unsolved was never supposed to be this popular. It started off as a novelty web-series about Tony trying to convince Bucky about the existence of the supernatural—he firmly believed that if science could turn Uncle Steve from an actual shrimp to the god of muscles, then magic had to be out there—and then they’d started talking about an unsolved crime from the early 20th century after filming an episode one day, forgetting that the camera was still rolling, and had ended up with enough footage to make a second episode about real crimes. They had stayed pretty unknown throughout that first season but then true crime podcasts had exploded in popularity and Unsolved along with them.

it’s a small world after all: @maguna-stxrk

“Great speech.”

Smiling at the compliment, Tony turns around. “Thank y—”

And nearly drops his champagne flute.

His world comes to a stop.

They had only spent a night together, but Tony would recognize those baby blues anywhere.

It’s Steve.

Steve from Tony’s London business trip. Or, as Rhodey has become accustomed to calling him—The Soulmate That Got Away.

you’re in my blood, you’re in my veins: @nethandrake

Tony always figured that if they ever were to break up, it would be like a blaze. Scorching and hot and all-too blinding. Intense like the two of them have always been.

Instead, they break up on a Tuesday, with the rain pelting the windowpane and the midnight silence stifling.

August

Five Times Danny said he’d marry Steve (plus one): @five-wow

Danny humphs. “Look, all I’m saying is, I think I’d probably have married you by now.”

“I’d marry you, too,” Steve says.

Or: An experiment in how many times you can say something before you have to put your money where your mouth is.

Family (You’ve Always Had It): @/SunnyQueen

A black Camaro and a scowling blond was not what Junior had been expecting.

“Hi, sir. You didn’t have to pick me up.”

The blond looked up from the screen on his phone and groaned, completely ignoring Junior's statement. “You are right, I didn't have to."

Ode To Yoga Pants: @riotfalling

OR the continued terrible mating dance of Bucky and Tony, AKA when betting on your friends stops being fun

Through The Years: @hawkbucks

Tony brings home Natasha one day, proclaiming her to be his new sister.

Natasha takes this all in stride.

The broken road that led me home to you: @just-fandomthings

A documented list of conversations between Steve and Danny via text and phone call following the events of 10x22 "Aloha." (Where, even thousands of miles apart, Steve and Danny can't go without talking to each other.)

September

someday, we’ll pass it on to you: @starklysteve

Steve smiles.

Reaching up, he flattens his hand against his son’s far smaller one, curling gently around it. “You wanna be like him?”

“Da!” Peter agrees again.

One year old, and you already know who’s the best of us, Steve pauses to reflect, all his fears chased away by a fierce pride. “Your Dad’s coming home real soon,” he promises, “you should tell him that.”

---------------

Or, five times Peter did the repulsor pose as a toddler

+ one time he used the repulsors as an adult

Classic Sci Fi: @notdoingsohot

Bucky wakes up to Steve telling him he's lost his memory, but not to panic, it'll only last a few days. Easier said than done when the last thing Bucky remembers is fighting Hydra with the Howlies in WWII.

He tries to make the most of it however, and there's this guy... Tony Stark. It's pretty clear the guy hates Bucky's guts, which is unfortunate because god damn is he a sight.

He tries to figure out what he did to wrong Stark, but everyone just tells him he doesn't want to know.

They were right.

Blooms in Frost: @/Diomedes

Tony coughs up his first petal on the sixth of July. He has been married to the love of his life for two years.

Bury a Hanahaki corpse in earth and it will beget the most beautiful garden. All that love, it is said, must go somewhere.

Hanahaki AU: Established relationship

------------------------------------------

A Single Thread of Gold: @lovelyirony

Rhodey doesn't believe in love at first sight or any of that cheesy shit. He just wants someone who is nice, dependable, and safe.

Tony Stark is Housing Service's little problem for the school year, and now he's stuck in Rhodey's room because he's exploded the last two dorm rooms he's been in and won't live off-campus.

high roller, place your bet: @machi-kun

“Would you kiss Stark for a hundred bucks?”

“I would pay a hundred bucks to kiss him.”

October

press my luck: @omg-just-peachy

But... Steve is almost ten years his junior, and he could be with just about anyone, looking and acting like he does. And then there’s the not so small fact of Tony’s name and net worth and the fact that, okay, Tony had paid for Steve’s grad school tuition, and now he’s worried Steve feels obligated to stay. Or something.

Or, Tony is a billionaire, Steve is a grad student, and they learn to let themselves be taken care of.

see it with the lights out: @starklysteve

Tony goes on a business trip, and he does not - not at all - get jealous of Dodger hogging his husband's chest, a territory otherwise known as Tony's pillow.

(or, Steve goes on an Instagram spree and Tony misses home)

adulthood is looking both ways before you cross the street and getting hit by an airplane: @starkslovemail

It was a perfect plan, if Peter did say so himself.

The Buy In: @dracusfyre

For the ImagineTonyandBucky prompt: Mafia AU with Tony as the Boss (except he's a really good one, making the streets safe, keeping drugs away from kids etc) and Bucky as the detective sent to go undercover to catch him out but ends up realizing he's actually doing more good than harm and they end up falling in love

trinkets of your affection: @starklysteve

Kissed him once for every year I loved him, Steve had written.

By that count, Steve owes him five more kisses now.

Tony traces the words, hands trembling, and tips back a shot of Howard's ancient whiskey. None of it burns anymore.

One day, he'll have lived more days without Steve than there are words in the diary.

For the first time since he'd woken with shrapnel in his chest, Tony fears the future.

----------

Or, five things Tony keeps to remember Steve by, and one thing Steve gives him to remember.

November

“Hey Tony”: @riotfalling

Steve points out that Bucky never calls Tony by his actual name. Bucky doesn’t believe him, until he does.

Remembering You is Hard to Do: @lovelyirony

“The future’s crazy, honey-bear.”

Jim looks up.

“Why do you call me that?”

“Call you what?”

“Honey-bear. It’s weird.”

“Inside joke we have,” Tony says, chest tightening. “We thought those couples that have the lovey-dovey nicknames were ridiculous.”

overheard your heartbeat (calling me yours): @starklysteve

"Tony - "

"I wish I could promise to come home this time," he feels the armor crawl back down his arm, continuing unnoticed over Steve's red gloves, then up the blue uniform as Tony fights to keep Steve's gaze firmly fixed on him.

The last eyes Tony might get to see, and he wants to be lost in them.

In the end, his entire life boils down a few simple things: "JARVIS, take care of him for me."

----------

Or, Tony overhears a phonecall where Steve proposes, a battle happens, and a paper ring settles some misunderstandings.

i (really, really, really, really, really, really) like you.: @nethandrake

For as long as Steve can remember, he's been crushing on Tony Stark. The thing is, he's pretty sure Tony doesn't know Steve exists. And how could he? Steve's scrawny and little. He's a nobody compared to Tony who's Mr Popular and the son of a billionaire.

Or at least he thought so until Tony swings by the bakery Steve's mother happens to own to enlist Steve's help in finding the perfect Valentine's Day card.

The perfect Valentine's Day card for someone who isn't Steve.

One Song (My Heart Keeps Singing): @iam93percentstardust

When Thor is old enough to understand what a Heartsong is, he goes to his mother to ask her why he can’t understand the language his is in. He listens as she tells him about the first soulmates who couldn't understand their Heartsong until the day they meet, excited by the thought of a grand adventure, one that will take him across the cosmos in search of his One.

He’ll search all the Nine Realms if he has to.

December

Swiping Right: @s-horne

“Ouch. Definitely a hard pass for that one?”

Steve startled at the sudden comment from the row of chairs behind him and turned around. He’d been passing the time in the airport lounge by swiping through Tinder and had gotten lost in his own world. It was almost jarring to be pulled away from the screen of hot men and back into reality where the PA was screeching and there was noise everywhere.

Adjusting to the difference, Steve frowned. Wait, he knew that face. Oh, shit… he knew that face.

“No, no, it’s fine,” the man said before Steve could get out anything other than an embarrassed sort of yelp. Waving his hand through the air, the stranger smiled ruefully. “I get it. It’s the beard, isn’t it? True be told, it was a weird winter choice that year and I knew it would come back to hurt me.”

Steve didn’t know what to say. He knew it must have shown on his face and could feel himself flushing, panicked and embarrassed all at once. What were the odds of swiping left on someone literally sat behind him?

set your flight path home (to me): @starklysteve 

Tony puts down his welding torch. “I’m building you a plane.”

Stepping carefully over the gears and tools scattered about, Rhodey slowly makes his way to him.

“And when did you become an expert on how to build a plane?”

“Last night,” Tony grins.

---------------

Tony builds a plane, and Rhodey teaches Tony how to fly it. Or he would be teaching Tony, if Tony didn't distract him so much.

I Want A Man With A Slow Hand: @thefourofswords

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked on their way to a crime scene, because no time like the present, and Danny believed in ripping off band-aids.

“Why not?” Steve replied, eyes on the road. “You’re gonna even if I say no.”

“What do you like in bed?”

*

Danny undertakes a very important mission to get Steve laid. For his health. Ahem.

same time next year: @omg-just-peachy

“I forgot to ask. When’s your flight home?” Steve asks, draping his arm over Tony’s shoulder and settling in against him.

Tony ignores the knot that forms in his chest at the idea of it, leaving Steve again for his own impersonal apartment, his piles of books and projects and the nights without sleep.

“Day after tomorrow.”

Steve huffs a little sigh, then brings his lips to Tony’s neck. “Well, we’ll have to make the most of it, won’t we?”

Or, four (4) Christmases with two (2) idiots who can't admit they're in love.

rearrange my heart (to fit your smile): @starklysteve

"You dare," Howard's chair makes an ugly noise as it scrapes against the stone floors, the chatter of the room shifting into hushed whispers and stolen glances. "I am your father and your King!"

"My King is my husband," Tony tips his chin up, defiant. "And I refuse to hear you suggest that my husband has been anything other than good to me."

Next to him, he feels Steve's shoulders stiffen in surprise.

Howard's fist slams loud on the table. "Your husband does not even love you!"

Tony jerks back, burned. He knows that. Knows that Steve did not marry him for love – does not need any reminder of the cold truth, of what he desperately yearns for and can't even hope to have – but the harshness of Howard's words was scalding, and Tony can't afford for this to go any further.

----------

Or, King Steven marries Prince Tony, Tony is pretty sure he shouldn't panic when he falls in love with his own husband, and Steve tries his very best not to cause diplomatic crises.

Keyword: try

[whentherewerebicycles]

y’all we all survived almost 10 hours on zoom. the students did SO freaking well and were SO generously, warmly, open-heartedly engaged in each other’s presentations, and it was just really really really moving to see that we actually did manage to build a genuinely supportive little community despite never meeting each other face to face. good lord this has been a long year. my own life/job experience has been extraordinarily cushy compared to many people’s, but it has still really worn on me to feel so disconnected from the parts of teaching that energize me & challenge me to grow. i really wanted to do this symposium because i thought it would be important for the kids to get to share their work with each other, but i wasn’t expecting it to make ME feel so tearful and grateful and human again. i am someone who really struggles when i feel disconnected from Meaningful Work, and as a result this past year i’ve felt so adrift and purposeless for long stretches of time. but i think that getting to see their projects assembled together this weekend (and getting to watch them have all these wonderful, supportive conversations with each other) helped me realize that i really have done intellectually and emotionally meaningful work this year, even if the circumstances of zoom teaching and advising made it much harder than usual to see/feel that along the way.

and it was also really affirming to have my boss there to see the entire thing! she was one of my grad school mentors/advisors (so she’s known me for almost a decade) and is one of the teachers i admire most. she tapped me for this position two years ago even though i worried that i didn’t have the skills or experience to do it effectively. i was kind of right lol but i also have worked really really hard over the past two years to learn the things i didn’t know how to do and to become the kind of person who could do this job effectively. and i’ve done it. i took a program that had no real structure, no clear sense of its own purpose, and no mechanisms for actually teaching students to do the kind of work we expected them to do, and i completely overhauled it (a couple times over!) and built an entirely new program from scratch. the year before i came, only one student out of eight finished their project; my first year when i took over unexpectedly in the fall, only four out of eight (pandemic didn’t help); and this year (the first year with a fully implemented new curriculum and new mentoring structures), sixteen out of sixteen will finish.

that is 1000000% a testament to the creativity and resilience of our students in this hell year. but seeing their work today i could also see how the program structures i built and the guidance i provided gave students the foundation and the tools they needed to do this work successfully. and my boss just could not stop talking during the breaks and after the symposium about how night-and-day the change was from the program’s beginnings to now. i feel like as you get further along in professional life you have fewer opportunities to get external feedback or validation. and that’s mostly good, i think! because it forces you to consciously develop your own ability to assess where you started and what you’ve learned and how much you’ve grown! but also, let’s be real, sometimes it still feels sooooooo nice to have someone you really respect look at the hard work you’ve done and say “holy shit. YOU DID GOOD.”

anyway i am sorry to always be talking about my Glorious Successes lol but 1) it’s MY public diary i am allowed!!!, and 2) this is an important part of my year-end rituals! i believe with my whole heart that teachers need to take time to let themselves really look at the work they’ve done and let themselves feel the good feelings. it is such stupidly (and wonderfully) emotional work, and we pour so much of ourselves into it, and LORD there are so many small defeats and embarrassments in the day-to-day practice of teaching, and sometimes the care and effort we put into it goes unrecognized by others or doesn’t seem to be making an immediate difference in anyone’s life. teaching can feel, and can be, so tough and self-defeating. so i think it is important to say aloud: i worked hard. i learned a lot. i took risks. i persevered through frustrating or depressing situations that could’ve defeated me. i built important, emotionally meaningful relationships with students. i strengthened my trust in my own skills and in my ability to figure out the things i don’t know how to do. i did work that aligned with my core values and was meaningful, both to me and to other people. i spend like, 97% of my time and energy at work trying to set aside my own ego so that i can be fully present with/for students, listening deeply and asking questions and creating learning environments where they can arrive at answers for themselves. and i love that work! but it is also okay and right to take time/space in my non-work life to recenter myself as a learner, and to recognize and celebrate my own learning in the same way i celebrate my students’.