#disabled ally

[disabilityhealth]

Abled allies,

If you visit a business and notice that something is inaccessible, please mention it to the staff so they can correct it before a disabled person shows up -- especially if the problem might prevent us from getting into the building. 

We won’t be able to lodge a complaint in person if we can’t even get inside, so please use your voice for good.

[anonymouslydisabled]

super simple ways to be a (better) disability ally!

If you have any friends or family who are disabled or have some sort of medical issue, do your research on it! Learn the causes, affects, and if you too are close ask how it affects them personally and how you can best support them.

Research dynamic disability!

Learn how to support people during medical episodes. Some research ideas are autistic overloads, anxiety/panic attacks, allergic reactions, diabetic emergencies, fainting, seizures, etc.

Learn the basics about commonly misunderstood things. Ambulatory wheelchair users, tourette's and tics, nonepileptic and/or nonconvulsive seizures, psychotic disorders, personality disorders, invisible disabilities, etc.

Learn basic ASL from deaf people. There are lots of different resources to learn it free online, by deaf teachers.

Learn what words people use about disability are actually slurs. Stop saying them completely and call others out when they do.

Include any disabled people at your school or workplace. Don't treat them poorly or other them because of their disability. If you know what their disability is learn the basics about it, if you don't then don't ask.

Don't ask strangers about their mobility aid, scars, medical device, disability aid, medical condition, etc. unless it's actively directly affecting you or they've said you can ask them questions about it.

Follow the stories of disabled people in your interest areas! For example read a book with good disability representation, follow a disabled beauty influencer, or learn about paraolympians.

Call out ableism within your friend groups when you see it. Misusing psychological terms, using slurs, using disabled people as the butt of their jokes, excluding disabled people, being rude to disabled people, etc.

If you have any more ideas please comment or reblog w/ them!

And always remember the most basic part of being a disability ally is just listening to disabled voices.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

[tjmystic]

In relation to all my ally posts:

If, like me, you've ever been the big fish in a small pond (i.e., "the smart kid" in a small or uneducated family/school/community/etc.), you might think you know everything once you learn a little bit about the world outside your own. But you don't. And you especially don't know more than the people whose lives hinge on whatever it is you think you've learned.

That doesn't mean you're dumb. You're learning, and learning is always good. Just don't fall for the trap of believing that learning is something you can finish. And especially don't buy into the idea that you know more about something than someone who is living it.

Sure, it's a hard pill to swallow if you've grown up thinking you're a genius, but learning to listen to other people who aren't as traditionally "smart" or educated as you is something you need to accept early on if you want to become a better person.

[disabled-sapphic]

every person who chooses to put the only baby changing station in the only disabled bathroom should get an electric shock every time a disabled person has to wait more than 10 minutes for a bathroom

(they should get 5 electric shocks per minute if the person's disability makes it hard for them to control bladder/bowel function or if it's painful to wait)

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[bisexualseraphim]

You know what, fuck it. Let’s show some love for the “unpleasant” autistics.

For the autistics who are always accused of being angry or moody when all they’re doing is sitting there.

For the autistics who take everything literally and respond sincerely.

For the autistics who come across as “blunt” or “rude” for being honest.

For the autistics who are called “control freaks” for needing a sense of order and routine.

For the autistics who get told to shut up for infodumping about uncomfortable topics.

For the autistics who find it too exhausting to mask and pretend to be sunny and friendly.

“Unpleasant” autistics, I love you.

[soullessjack]

not only should any autistic character who’s ever been infantilized by their fanbase kill and maim more people, but they should also fuck as nasty as possible too. as a treat

[will-pilled]

[lightning-system]

i posted this as a reblog to another post but just:

as a physically disabled person, kristen giving lydia the help action was so sweet. like so often abled people try to 'help' but they do it in ways that serve them. they take their own action and use it to serve themselves under the guise of serving a disabled person. but kristen GIVES her action. she gives her action to lydia, for lydia to use how she sees fit to manage the situation, because the disabled person knows themself and their needs best.

its so nice to get help with no strings attached. i love kristen applebees.

[decolonize-the-left]

Idk if any of y'all saw this video yet, but rn there's a tik tok going viral of of this white woman who confronted her parents bigotry on Christmas and got sent home. She's an upset mess about but not in a white savior/validate me way which I can respect.

And as always I have something to say about it.

So she says she starts a war after she reminds her parents that people are people and that she

"probably shouldn't have said anything to begin with because there's no point"

And I've seen this sentiment of "there's no point" a LOT among allies. Not just white allies to BIPOC either but with allies across the board, queer allies, ND allies, etc.

To clarify by "that sentiment" I mean the idea that your personal effort to correct, inform, or speak up on an issue is not Worth it unless it will cause a Change in the person/people you're addressing that You will be able to see reflected. Because if they won't change then you're just putting up with their vitriol, hostility, and ignorance for nothing, right? And why put up with that for nothing. You're a person with feelings and limited patience so if you're gonna experience something awful, it should be for something, right? Especially if it's someone you have to put up with see regularly like your parents.

And besties...

The point is trying. The point is challenging bigotry and ignorance wherever it exists. The point is to show bigots that their ignorance isn't tolerable. It's to show them that their bigotry isn't tolerable. And as many times as they will be harmful, you will rise to meet their challenge.

The point is to challenge bigotry because it is bigotry and there's no room for it in the future we're building.

And as awful as it feels to have your family disown, belittle, and berate you there are So Many people going through this. BIPOC, immigrants, queer folk, Muslims, etc. We know what it's like to have people who should love you treat you badly, what it's like to lose community and support. You're not alone in this feeling, you know?

But everyday we still talk to our families and communities and strangers online and we still challenge their bigotry and yeah it hurts sometimes but we do it anyway so the next generation of our community won't have to.

Because they may not be here yet but we are.

In my tribe we have this concept of 7 generations being deeply significant. Part of that belief is that you and your choices will impact the next 7 generations of your descendants. And I want to be a good ancestor. Not just to the generations of my family that don't exist yet but to yours too.

I want to be a good ancestor to family I'll never meet and the friends I'll never get to drink with.

To queer kids that never had to answer to anyone for their love, to Muslim and Black boys who never had to be mindful of the toys they played outside with, to the loud brown girls who never felt out of place, to the disabled lady up the road who is the First and only voice her doctors listen to.....None of these people exist yet, but they will as long as I'm doing what I can for them today.

And absolutely everything I do is for them. It's for the future I won't get to see. For a world I'll never get to walk on. For laughter I'll never hear.

THATS THE POINT

[bodhrancomedy]

A slightly longer version of my previous post about “allies” trying to offset their boycott or boundary breaking by donating to [insert relevant charity here].

You can tell it’s unscripted by how many times I say “Y’know -“ and the fact I’m trying to deal with my bleeding hands.

[gender-sexuality-happiness-rage]

[rasairui]

I think anybody who thinks autism is more "accepted" nowadays is either in denial or can't see outside themselves. What we actually did is just popularize a really weird infantilized perception of autism that focuses on the symptoms that can be repackaged as "cute" or "quirky," and are continuing to treat people with inconvenient or even upsetting symptoms like garbage. And no I'm not talking about bigots who pull the "I'm literally neurodivergent" bs I'm talking about supposed allies telling me I'm acting like a child for getting too emotional when I literally have "Can't Regulate My Emotions" disorder, or that I'm moving weird, or that my voice never has the right tone to it. Sorry my autism doesn't stop and end at hand flapping and dinosaurs lmao I can gaurantee I'm not enjoying my meltdown any more than you are, buddy! In fact, I'd say I'm having a far worse time than you! I do not make a choice to be emotionally volatile nor do I feel good when I get upset. It's not my fault that emoting "properly" is a performance that takes energy and I really can't do it 100% of the time. Like idk it honestly feels like I still have to mask in supposedly progressive spaces just in a different way.

And of course this doesn't even start to get into people with higher support needs than me who are rarely acknowledged unless they themselves are doing it. It's one of the reasons those posts that are like "Do you think neurodivergence is just autism/adhd, and not (heavily stigmatized other disorder)?" rub me the wrong way. They always seem to be addressing the most sanitized version of autism possible which strikes me as counter intuitive to the point being made. And don't get me wrong, as a system I understand why it's being said but it just really frustrates me because the people these posts are about don't actually think severe cases of autism or adhd are neurodivergence either! They treat higher support needs people with the same disorders like shit!

No I do not think anyone who's ever made a post like that is a bad person nor do I expect every post to have a disclaimer containing every possible nuance but I do think a lot of them are not written with the existence of high support needs or "weird" autism symptoms in mind, which inadvertently feeds into this "palatable autism" thing people keep doing

[bisexualseraphim]

The fact that neurotypical and able-bodied people can’t comprehend that disabled people usually don’t like consistently being told “BEING DISABLED IS BAD!!! THE WAY YOU ARE IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG!!! YOU NEED TO BE CURED!!!” even in a ‘nice’ or ‘woke’ way shows how little they actually value our agency or even our worth as humans.

No, Stacy, I don’t want people fiddling with eugenics because they’re uncomfortable with me existing, I want you to. You know. Treat me like a person. Have help be there when I need it without treating me like I’m an invalid. Why is that apparently so much more difficult for you than telling me my existence is wrong and spending millions fiddling in a lab for unwanted “cures?” Whatever happened to listening to others and accepting them for who they are? Or do you only see disabled people as the poor, helpless invalids you can “help” cross the street without asking so you can get another Scouts badge?

[creekfiend]

also relating to antipsych - ppl are sooo often confused when I express distrust of social workers and say that replacing cops with social workers is not a solution. this is not an explanation but it should get the ball rolling in your head: social workers used to exist primarily to recommend which individuals be sterilized by the state.