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Please Please Please - Rafe Cameron Short Story (Part 1 of 6)

+18 Minor DNI

Older MobDealer!Rafe x Female Reader

🪄 re-uploaded because I had to make a new account.

⭐ republished ⭐

+18 Minor DNI

3333 words

Warnings contain spoilers: domestic assault, cheating, swearing, name-calling, gaslighting, threats, and mentions of killing partner, general violence. Every chapter after this, will have Rafe as the focal point.

📖 Loosely based on the song and music video Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter 💕

✨“Stopping in your tracks, you watch the tall blonde struggle to break free. He grits his teeth, fighting against the cuffs, his broad chest gaping at the buttons of his black button-down shirt. He looks like he’s been through it; a gashed lip, the bottom of his pressed shirt half-tucked, his hair messy and sweaty against his dewy, tanned skin.”✨

*blue font is present day

Reader’s POV:

Red wine, Tony’s favorite, Cabernet Sauvignon specifically. Tokara Telos, the first bottle of wine we shared on our very first date. Fitting for our two year anniversary. Slowly swirling the glass you watch the rich red wine cascade down the side. You look at the oven, eyeing the clock, watching a second hour pass. Nine… Dinner was set for seven. Where the hell is he? Maybe he texted me? Maybe he’s in a business meeting gone long or wrong?

Unread to read. Your heart skips a beat as you watch the three dots impatiently; Tony finally acknowledging you, letting you know where the fuck he is and what the hell he’s doing.

Nothingness.

The three dots disappear leaving behind the disappointing chain of messages.

Is he with someone else?

I hate that that’s where my mind goes first, since he’s assured me time and time again he’s faithful and I’m paranoid. It’s hard to give him the benefit of the doubt when there’s so much to doubt. Every excuse just sounds so fabricated with him, corroborated by his goons so I don’t have a leg to stand on.

Then there’s the talk around the country club… It’s just whispers, no real proof, but I swear it’s so goddamn loud. I’m rarely at the Island Club, but when I am, I can see the eyes on us. The cutting watch of women who Tony could possibly be seeing on the side; gossip shared just out of earshot. Everyones’ pity and focus always seems to be directed at me.

It’s embarrassing to feel like everyone knows my drama but me. No one opens their mouths. Ya know why? They’re scared… Scared of him. And I don’t blame ‘em. I’d be scared too.

So here I sit. Getting stood up by my boyfriend while he’s out doing god knows what, with god knows who, because he can. He can do whatever he’d like, break my heart, bruise my ego, because deep down I know there’s nothing I can do… The day I met him was the day I lost myself.

“Vlad,” you call from the kitchen, your voice bouncing off the walls of the lavish estate. “Vlad?”

“Miss?” Tony’s driver comes around the corner with a broad smile, taking in the smells of whatever lingers of the now cold pom de terre. “Smells delicious, Miss. I didn’t know you were a cook.”

“I’m not,” you sigh through a labored laugh. “Just thought I’d make what we had on our first date,” you hum, hearing the drunken slur in your own voice. Vlad cocks an eyebrow, clocking it instantly. “Umm… Dinner was supposed to be at seven,” you sough, gesturing with your glass toward the clock. “Do you know where he-”

“How was lunch with Anna?” He cuts you short, quickly changing the subject, leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

“Where’s Tony,” you return, trying your best to level your wavering tone, dismissing his “pleasantries”.

“The office-”

“What office exactly?” You snip, knowing it’s the Law Firm or The Country Club. Vlad’s gaze casts to the floor. He shuffles his Italian leather boot anxiously, not as good with his “excuses” as the other men on Tony’s payroll. It’s a wordless answer nonetheless - The Country Club. “Can you take me there? I want to make sure he has some dinner. I’m assuming he’s been there all day. The meeting just went long?” You ramble, without a verbal answer from him, gathering your things to leave as the older man flounders.

"Miss…” He cautions you, taking his turn with a faltering tone, making matters worse for Tony.

“Is there an issue?” You ask as you lift an eyebrow in his direction.

“Mr. Marietta is in an important meeting. As you know, they’re not usually the safest situations, and he demands your safety. Tony expressed to me that he would be home late. Would you like me to call him and ask when he’ll be coming home?” You roll your eyes, chuckling in disbelief as you stroll past him.

“I am perfectly capable of that,” you breathe as you snag a new bottle of red wine, heading out the door.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦

The Country Club comes into sight, the gaudy neon sign flickering from a distance. The parking lot is packed, littered with cars; always jam-packed on the weekends. Kooks, Pogues, and tourists alike all brought together for their shared love of pussy.

“Park there,” you guide from the backseat as you spot Tony’s blacked-out Maybach truck parked under the streetlight. Vlad locks eyes with you through the rearview mirror.

“Would you like me to call him before you go inside, Miss?” You shake your head ‘no’ as you look out the window, drawing a deep, nervous breath before pushing out.

What am I walking into?

“Y/n?” Luis, Tony’s bodyguard and bouncer, calls from his seat outside the door. “What are you doin’ here?” He looks in all directions for watchers-on anxiously, the blood drained from his face like he’d just seen a ghost. Only a handful of people even know that Tony owns this shithole. To virtually everyone on the Island he’s just another Kook King. The Marietta to the Marietta and Klaus Law Firm. This is simply a front for something bigger, something Tony can use to wash his dirty drug money; a front. “You just missed Tony,” he lies through his gold-capped teeth.

“He’s here,” you smile as you step toward the door, grabbing the handle. Luis rests his large palm on top, looking down at you blankly. “He’s in a meeting, Miss.”

“And-” You ask as you twist the knob, but Luis doesn’t budge. “Move.”

“No.”

“Get the fuck out of my way,” you snap. Luis’s jaw tightens as he shakes his head ‘no’ standing firm. “You said he wasn’t here. Now he’s here and I can’t go in? That’s my fuckin’ boyfriend,” you hiss.

“I have orders, ma’am.”

“Orders?” You scoff.

“Orders-”

“Pussy,” you spit, turning on your heels, heading back where you came. Plan B. You pick up speed, clipping down the asphalt before he can intervene, following the line of men waiting outside, before slipping through the front door.

Your head hangs low as you walk through the dim, seedy hallway, pushing past patrons sauntering in and out of the gentlemen’s club. The main floor. I’ve never been here… The office is the farthest I’ve gone. You catch a few familiar faces from the Island Club, their eyes doubling in disbelief and shame for seeing you here and being seen themselves. Music blares as you storm toward the back; beautiful women dancing on the stage in nothing but Pleasers for the swarm of men gathered around, flicking and raining ones on the stage.

“Yes,” you gasp as you watch a stripper step out from behind the back-of-house door; catching it before it swings shut. Just a few paces and you’re there. You slide in your key and open the office door without a second thought, ripping off the bandaid.

Nothing… The office is dark, only the light of Tony’s laptop glowing in the empty post. Maybe he is gone. You step toward it, letting your heart rate settle as you circle his desk.

The corner of your lips curl into a trembling smile as you see a framed picture of the two of you on his desk. A post-it note affixed to the top with a reminder for tonight’s date.

Maybe I am paranoid… You pull out his large leather desk chair, taking a seat. Drawing a deep, needed breath, you let your shoulders fall, releasing some of your tension. It doesn’t explain why his truck is still here… Your eyes flash open, returning to the worry at hand landing on a bar napkin. Red lipstick.

Your stomach sinks as you hold the note, your eyes flicking to the laptop screen. Oh my god. Your heart shatters as you watch a blonde bounce on Tony’s lap, his lips locked on hers.

“No…”

“I know,” you sigh as you relax your head back onto the cold brick wall of Kildare County Jail, looking up at the ceiling.

“Did ya kill 'em?” The woman asks in a gruff tone as she crosses her arms over her chest, tits spilling out of her tattered, lace bralette as she snaps her gum. “S'that why you’re in here?”

“Thought about it? But no. That’s not why I’m here.” You open your heavy eyes, taking in your surroundings, contemplating all the choices that landed you here. The worst of it, ever being with him in the first place.

“So, what happened next?”

“Well…”

There’s a brief separation as Tony draws away from their kiss, staring toward the door of the Champagne Room. Luis… He must have figured it out. Tony pushes the stripper off his lap, gathering his clothes as he frantically dresses.

Here we go.

You hear the muffled bang of the first door and the gritting of his key working the lock on the second. You watch as the knob twists, light flooding the room as Tony pushes into the office coming toward you fast. Tony grabs your shoulders, and you fight him off. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me,” you snap.

“Baby, please. You gotta talk to me? What’s going on? Why are you so upset? Please just talk to me,” he pleads like he’s done before; times when I gave him the benefit of the doubt; times when I believed I could be the problem here. “We weren’t doing anything.”

“Tony!” You cry. “Are you fuckin delusional? I saw you fuckin’ that stripper with my own two eyes.”

“Princess, she was just dancing. It was a lap dance. Alright? You have to believe me.”

“Just a lap dance…” You scoff looking down at his undone belt, zipper down, dress pants pitched from his hard-on. He follows your eyes, hastily zipping and fastening his pants closed.

“I don’t know what you think you saw-”

“We’re done,” you chuckle tiredly as you step back, throwing open the side office door. Tony immediately reaches for you, clawing for your arm. “Let go of me,” you struggle.

“You’re not leavin’,” he asserts, pulling you back inside.

“I am. I’m done with you. It’s our anniversary, Tony. Look at where you are. Look at what you’re doing. How could you do this to me?”

“Do what? It was just a dance. I just got out of a major deal. Alright? I was about head home-”

“Liar!”

“Liar?” He questions. “Did you just call me a liar?” He asks as you feel the sting of his blunt fingernails digging into your arm.

“I know what I saw…”

“Princess… Even if I was lying. What the fuck are you gonna do about it. Huh? You’re mine, bitch. I own you. Where are you gonna go? What money do you have? How are you gonna afford this lifestyle you’ve become so accustomed to? Spending my hard-earned money like the gold-digging slut you are. You should be grateful,” he snarls as he steps toe-to-toe with you using his free hand to tug his leather belt from the loops of his pants.

You look up into his dark eyes as cruel words spit so readily from his wicked lips like he’s had time to prepare. I’ve seen this side of him, only once. He’s an evil man, and I know that. But this sort of cruelty has never been reserved for me. Until today. He grips his belt a little tighter in his fist making you take a few steps back but he stalks closer.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere,” he threatens.

“I am,” you whisper as you try to remain firm.

“I don’t think you understand this relationship we’ve got goin’ on, sweetheart. You go when I say you go,” he growls, tracing the belt along your bare thigh. “Do you think you’ll have a life after me? You think I’ll allow that shit.” He winds up smacking it against your skin. You gnash your teeth in pain, holding back tears, the most horrifying part knowing he could go far harder. “You know too much. You’re a liability. You have nothing. You are nothing without me. And you will be nothing without me.” Chills fall down your spine at his words and the crazed look in his eyes, his pupils blown from coke, pleasure, and rage.

“M'not scared of you.”

“You’re not. Huh? My tough girl.” He leans in; lips draw to your neck, kissing your pulse point, your rapid heartbeat calling your bluff as you inhale Cassidy’s cheap perfume lingering on his skin. You pinch your eyes shut as his large hand threads into your hair, tugging slightly while the other soothes your stinging thigh with his rough palm.

“I came from nothing, Tony. I’ll be fine.”

He scoffs as he uses his grasp on your strands to shove you away, letting the back of your head and body bang against the side door. Tony buttons up his still-undone shirt; bright red lipstick stained on the collar as well as his neck, a dark hickey forming to boot. Tears roll down your cheeks as you stand there defeated in your date night dress, your perfect makeup now streaming down your cheeks as you look into his soulless eyes.

“Fuck you, Tony.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he chuckles as he pulls a cigarette out from behind his ear, placing it between his lips before snapping his lighter. “You leave, and I’ll find you. I own Figure 8, princess. Hell, I own this whole damn island. You better not make it too hard on me, baby doll. It’s our anniversary, after all. I’m sure you got somethin’ pretty for Daddy under that little dress of yours. I know you like it rough… but you might not make it out this time,” he laughs as he tosses his belt roughly toward his desk, the picture of the two of you clattering and shattering on the floor.

“Are you threatening me?”

“Me? Never… But if my hands are wrapped tight enough around that pretty little throat of yours and you don’t have enough juice to shout our safe word that’s on you, angel.”

“Go to hell.”

“I’ll give you a 5 minute head start, love. That seems fair?”

You grab the door and pull it open, taking a few steps before turning around again, pressing your back against the cool door, holding it shut as you look for an out. Luis is gone from his post, most likely keeping watch on the opposite end, Vlad in the parking lot, open water on the other side. There’s no way I can go back home. No family close by. No car. No escape. Looking out into the busy parking lot, you watch a squad car slow-roll through the back of the lot. Perfect.

Thank you, Luis. You reach down, snagging his Louisville Slugger perched against the weathered barstool. "Miss?” You hear his bodyguard’s frantic voice as he rounds the corner. You run into the lot as fast as your feet can take you, swerving around cars; dodging Luis.

You slam your eyes shut, swinging hard, nailing Tony’s Maybach truck, shattering the glass. The car alarm blares, echoing through the large lot. “Y/n!” Luis yells, but you swing and swing again.

“Y/n!” Tony barks from the door. You point the bat in his direction, twirling it before knocking off the wing mirror and sending it flying. A second siren fires, the sound of the police cruiser blares through the night, competing with the truck as it gets closer and closer.

You nail the glass, shards spilling into the truck as the cruiser pulls up, moving to the front of the vehicle you make your delinquency visible, quickly knocking out each headlight while the deputies climb out of their vehicle. “Get on the ground. Get on the ground now!” They holler.

“Deputy, this… this is a misunderstanding,” Tony assures as he enters the lot, softening his voice again.

“No, it’s not. And if I had a knife, I’d slash your tires, asshole.” The officers grab for you, expecting a fight, ultimately getting the latter. You cross your arms behind your back, smiling at Tony as they lock you in cuffs.

"Well, shit,” the older woman chuckles as she pulls you back to reality.

“Mhmm… but I’m a liability. After that little stunt I pulled, I know I’m living on borrowed time. Jail is the only place I could leave and be safe for the night. It’s just a band aid though; a temporary fix. I’m sure he’ll bail me out any minute, but who knows what’ll happen? I want to show him I’m not afraid.”

She purses her lips, debating whether to ask the million dollar question. “Are you?” She asks somberly.

“I wish I wasn’t-”

“L/n, someone just bailed your ass out. Let’s go,” an officer calls from outside the cell. The woman beside you taps your leg, giving you a little nod.

“He lays a finger on you, honey, I got no problem comin’ back here.”

“Thank you,” you whisper before turning toward the officer, giving her a wide, fake smile.

You rise to your feet, fixing your dress as you walk to out-processing. “To the left.”

Shupe matches your gaze from his post, giving you a wary glance. “M'am, are these your belongings?” He asks as he holds up the plastic bag of goods. You give him a soft smile and a nod. “Sure you got nothin’ you wanna tell me, Miss F/N L/N. Now’s the time,” Shupe warns. “You know, it’s Tony who posted your bail. He’s waitin’ for you outside-”

“I’m fine. Just fine, Deputy,” you assure as you fish your lipstick out from your clutch, slicking it on in the reflection of the privacy glass. “It was nothin’. Just a misunderstanding, as I said.”

“Just fine? Trashing Mr. Marietta’s Maybach truck was nothing? Just a normal night for the two of you?” He asks sarcastically.

You look at him and smile, dead-eyed and defeated. “It was our anniversary, actually.” Shupe’s eyes widen at yours, the occasion making your story even more unbelievable. “Have a great day, Deputy.”

“This is not a beauty pageant,” the female officer grunts, shooing you toward the exit.

I don’t know if I made the right choice… but I’m not gonna snitch. If I want to survive, I’m going to have to be strategic.

“I’m cooperating. Ain’t I?” You hear a deep voice echo down the hallway.

Stopping in your tracks, you watch the tall blonde struggle to break free. He grits his teeth, fighting against the cuffs, his broad chest gaping at the buttons of his black button-down shirt. He looks like he’s been through it; a gashed lip, the bottom of his pressed shirt half-tucked, his hair messy and sweaty against his dewy, tanned skin.

His eyes match yours; even from a distance, you can see how blue they are. His entire demeanor shifts, softening as a smile pulls on his pretty lips. A smile so beautiful, you can’t help but return the same.

There’s something magnetic about him, an intensity drawing your focus to him like a moth to a flame. He winks, and in that instant, everything changes. There’s no mistaking the connection swelling between you.

“Hey,” he mouths; your breath catches in your chest, pulse-quickening as time slows to a snail’s-pace. He looks at you until the last minute before being shoved inside his confinements. The metal door slams shut, jarring you from your daze, the bustle of the jail building from the solace in your mind.

Who was that?

It was momentary… a fleeting beat. The calm before the storm. You get pushed along, shoved toward the exit, and away from a sweet dream, thrown straight into a nightmare.

Part 2

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Rigor Mortis (part 3)

College roommate!Miguel O'Hara x reader

(AO3 Mirror) (Wattpad) Series Masterlist, Main Masterlist,

Part 2, Part 4

summary: A bad day turns even worse. Miguel surprises you.

warnings: angst angst angst, mentions of grief, very vague mention of domestic violence and abuse.

recommended reading: the painting Ophelia by John Everett Millais, and the song Ophelia by the lumineers.

a/n: i lowkey suck at communicating my "big" ideas so i really really hope this makes sense!

Thank you to my beta readers, @tianyhi and @urgonnaneedabiggership (they also write Miguel fics, I highly recommend! my favourite is this series), I couldn't have done it without you guys <3

Join my taglists here

wc: 3.8k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

they were here, she says,

You’ve had your share of bad days.

Oh God , enough to fill an A4 binder with. For example, knocking out that tooth when you were twelve. A butterfly effect of fuck ups that led to a scuffle at school: blood in your mouth, a tooth on the ground, and a looong suspension. You received quite the earful at home, that day. 

And then there was telling your parents you had dropped out of college. Telling them you were moving halfway across the country with your boyfriend. Breaking up with said boyfriend in your favourite diner; thus sullying Pam’s waffles and pancakes with the bitter taste of… oh-fuck-I-don’t-know-how-I’ll-afford-an-apartment-now. Oh, and heartbreak – although that wasn’t as immediate. 

Scratch that, the day of the breakup had been fairly mundane. Pleasant, even. Jamie had an off day, and you only had a few lectures. He didn’t tell you, of course, so meeting him in the apartment was a surprise. You’re home earlier than usual, and you can’t quite bear to wake him up; slumped on the sofa like an old cat. He’s tired, lectures and clerkships running him ragged for the past few years. Only a year out until residency, with bags under his eyes as proof, and you see him less and less.  All things considered, you’re glad to spend the rest of the day with him. 

You’d spent too long after the break up analysing the days leading up to it: for a sign, something in his behaviour that would’ve warned you. And so, you remember it quite vividly: kicking your shoes off, putting your bag down, and sinking into the sofa next to him. You curl into him, looking up at his face: steady, tempered breathing. Something at your chest, solid and heavy. He looks peaceful, happy; and you haven't seen that side of him in quite a while. 

When you shift against him, you knock against his shoulder. Jamie stirs, groggy, and eyes adjusting to the light. The first thing he sees as he wakes is you; romantic, in theory. His expression is etched into your subconscious; stark and stiff like a marble statue, or a tombstone. A flash of disappointment, lip drawn in what seemed like disgust – but only for a moment.  

" Morning , baby." You squeeze his side, and take his hand into yours. That look ; it's gone almost as quickly as it came. 

"Thought…" He frowns, fighting dregs of sleep. "I thought you would be back later."

"Nope." You give him a smile and he returns with one that doesn't quite reach his eyes. He puts a hand on your cheek. 

"Morning," Probably tired, he sighs deeply. You move on with the day. And he breaks up with you, not even 6 hours later.

You had had 4 years of that: good days, bad days, but most of them had been… mundane. Boring. Not quite the heat and intensity of true love, as the movies had gaslighted you into believing in. 

You like the old black and white ones the best. Old fashioned, old-timey folk; declarations of love in tinny transatlantic accents. Suddenly, you’re on the floor of your childhood bedroom; eyes wide at the Sound of Music. Maria and Von Trapp hand in hand: her dress billowing, the flash of white glove on the small of her back. Love, love, love; and your lack of it.

You feel its loss all the same. 

Despite all your efforts – including a dash to the station that could rival an Olympic sprinter – you were late to your first lecture. Sweaty, out of breath, and ambushed with a pen and paper; thrust into your hands on arrival. You look around to see dozens of heads down, scribbling furiously. A surprise test – and you’re late.

Hand aching, you barely finish within the two hours, after bullshitting your way through at least half of the questions. By the looks of the people streaming out of the hall; faces rumpled and grimacing; you’re not the only one. However, it does little to comfort you. You’re sure you're the only one failing so spectacularly, with the semester already half over. 

You'd smacked your leg on the coffee table on the way out and a book had slammed to the floor. An art book, the kind in a model home - and you know damn well Miguel's not an enthusiast. The image sticks for some reason, leg aching as you trudge to your next class. When he gives you that blank look; the memory of men gone past is haunting – dead-eyed, and blank, like eyes cut out of a painting. You wonder if a Van Gogh would feel the same with the brilliant blue of eyes slashed out. 

Nevertheless, you feel like lead. Off

to your next class, and it's going over material passed out the day before; which you didn’t have the time to look over. The professor drones on; voice monotonous and gravelly. Struggling to keep up, you sink into your seat – tapping away at your laptop, whatever you can get down. You pick at your lip, unravelling; unfurling like the tip of a slashed rope.

That's what you’re waiting for, you think: sandbags clattering down from stage left, to bring the rest of this whole farce down.

A sinking feeling, that starts at your chest and makes its way to the tops of your fingers and toes, leaves you numb for the rest of the day. Dread, like a shadow, at your heels in the corridors, across the courtyard, all around campus. Another lecture, and you make it in time for labs, barely, but there’s no time to go over notes; what you managed to scrape together in preparation. And of course , your lab partner’s sick, because that’s just the kind of day you’re having. It’s hectic, doing the work of two people with only the scraps you’ve cobbled together. 

The pressure mounts. Like liquid in that flask you weren’t meant to stopper; and you just might end up like its remnants on the counter. Glass everywhere but where it should be. For a good grade, it helps to be organised: everything in its place, always. Except it isn’t, and you’ve fucked it up, again . It means the results don’t match up in your lab book, and another hour staring at liquid decanting, monitoring temperatures. Staring at stark white walls, with achy legs. 

You step out whilst machines run in your stead, and shed your lab coat. It’s hot and stuffy in there but out in the corridor, you can finally breathe. Forehead on the cool wall, it all stops for a moment. The persistent buzz of your phone, sat in the pocket of your trousers, creeps into the quiet. 

Absent-mindedly, you turn it on with a click. The buzzing stops. You’ve just missed a call from Miguel. It’s odd, he doesn’t usually call, but it’s the little box underneath the notification that makes you pause. A message, from a number you thought you’d blocked – that you should’ve blocked. 

From:Jamie <3

Hey

From:Jamie <3

We should meet. I’ve still got some of your things in the apartment.

Your blood runs cold. Dread, like a shadow; its hand wrapped your neck. You can’t breathe, stuck under the weight of something at your chest. You can’t breathe, the walls close in. We should meet , he says. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world; just friends catching up over a coffee. Like you didn’t watch him carve out a chunk of your heart with a rusty spoon. 

A panic attack, and you’re awkwardly hunched over by the wall, phone in hand. Someone will find you here, lying on the vinyl floor in Block B, spread eagle between lab 6 and 7. Dramatic timing, but if it kills you; you’ll find a way to haunt your ex's ass for the foreseeable future. And Miguel’s too, because if you’re having a bad day; then somewhere out there, he’s having a good one. 

~~~

The apartment is still when Miguel gets back – unusually so. You’re not on the sofa, watching a mindless soap opera, or howling some song in the shower. And he’s had to deal with that most days for the past few weeks, a break in the peace and quiet he’s so carefully cultivated. Rigorous routine, they keep him together. He needed it; the way myth needs a martyr, the way flowers on a small grave needs a body. A tick-tick-tick in his head, that drives him a little less crazy after a morning run, or a good meal when he comes home. A countdown, he thinks, a mechanical clock whirring and puttering with a shake of its gears. He feels them stutter and start, slowing down, but not quite stopping. An ache so deep, he feels its creak with every step. 

Absent-mindedly, he looks around the empty apartment, pulling at his ears.

When he was younger, Gabi would pull at his ears, to get him out of a book. Reading, always reading, whenever he could. At the dinner table, when his mamá would rap his knuckles with a wooden spoon and chuckle lightly at his little grimace. No en la mesa, Miguelito. Not at the table, Miggy. Léeme más tarde – read it to me later.

It was when he got his braces, and picked up a slight lisp. He stopped talking for a while, not completely; but a lot less, not as interactive in lessons. And it was always little Miguel, at the front of the class with his hand up to answer. It didn’t help that Gabi poked fun at him, often sneaking up to him to hiss in his ear: palms pressed together with a slithering motion, and then a strike to his ribs like una víbora - a viper , struggling to say his S’s. They’d fight because of it after, tousling on the floor of their bedroom in a mass of limbs, like pythons squeezing prey. Or at least, until their mamá rushed to separate them. 

She didn’t like it when her boys fought; so they’d been forced to make up every time. He still has the scars to prove it.

Car magazines at first, and then the newspaper, whatever book he had picked up at the library that week. Even with his lisp, his mother made sure he read to her, and sometimes to Gabi as well, at least once a week. Looking back, she was never perfect; the things he knows now about his dear mamá, and her visage tumbles like Ozymandias in the sand. Her mother, married to a piece-of-shit mechanic; and his mother, elbow deep in the oil spill. That’s the funny thing about love, he thinks. Love, and the lack of it; dripping through the cracks, passed on through generations. Maybe mamá felt the gears shuddering in her chest. He hopes Gabi was saved from that burden. 

A small voice at the back of his mind tells him: it’s not enough. Doesn’t explain the little boy pulling at his ears, in Miguel’s jacket and dress shoes.

A glimpse in the reflection of a shiny pan on the side table, and he looks like shit. Eyebags, a permanent scowl, shadowy lines that prick at the corners of his eyes. It’s ironic, crows feet without the penchant for laughing. He thinks you’d find it funny. The pink and purple of a setting sun spills in through windows and makes him sigh. It’s late, and you’re still not home. 

God, you're strange; sticking your nose where you shouldn't. Disrupting the calm of his apartment. A sanctuary, and you've got your grubby paws all over it. Your shit is all over the place; pun-based mugs in the cabinet, chewed pen lids with no pens in sight, a blanket on the couch. The same blanket, a ratty old thing, that he usually meets you wrapped in when he gets back. A creature of habit, he folds it up; trying to ignore the whispers of your perfume, sweet and heady on the fabric.

He gets dressed, starting with dinner; knife on a chopping board cutting onions and peppers into cubes. It's therapeutic, the steady thud ringing out into the kitchen. Quiet, for a fleeting moment. But the worry, it sticks ; despite his better judgement. Before he changes his mind, he clicks open his phone to call you. It rings out – you don’t pick up.

The urge to call again is surprisingly troublesome, so he shoves it down with a piece of tortilla. It sits in his chest, regardless.

~~~

You trudge into the apartment. Squelch seems more accurate, sopping wet as you step out of waterlogged trainers. It was an inopportune time to wear jeans and forget a jacket – and you fight the urge to wring out onto the wooden planks. Miguel would kill you; the place was already falling apart, and water-warped floorboards might just be the last straw.

It’s thundering outside; a torrential downpour you’d just been dragged through. Dragged, half-running through streets-turned-streams, with nothing but a tank top and hoodie on your back. And you must look a sight , eyes bleary and slick with rainwater. The bag heavy on your back goes first, slipped off your shoulder and on the floor next to the coffee table with a thunk . You’re unzipping the flimsy canvas, inspecting its contents. A soaked through textbook, clumps of loose paper. You’re ready to cry when you see what's happened to the pages of your lab book; bleeding ink that’s only half-legible. But it’s the state of your laptop that makes your chest really heave and knees weak.

It’s slick with rainwater, and the sandwich you’d forgotten to eat, smeared across its fans. Caked on, more accurately; an odd sludge that you try your best to wipe away. You put it on the coffee table and your hand shakes as you press the power button. A click, a stuttering whir, and the screen flickers on. Then, just as strained, it putters off. Dead. Completely dead. 

You sink onto the floor, head in your hands between the coffee table and the couch. Everything was on there: photos from senior prom, end of semester projects – your whole life. You have to dig your teeth into your bottom lip to bite back a scream.

Miguel peers from the kitchen, watching your silent breakdown. Quiet, and so still, with only the slight shake of shoulders to tell him that something is wrong. He glances at your half-opened laptop. He’d eaten already, clearing up what remains of his dinner and this is the sight he’s greeted with: the lady of the lake, lain between the reeds. 

He shakes the image out of his head, and walks over. You feel a tentative prod, and look up.

“...I called you,” He says lightly, scratching at his neck.

You blink up at him. He thinks you look like a painting, watery and forlorn, framed in the yellow light of the soft bulbs.

“I was busy,” It’s not said with malice, nor as lilting as your usual sarcasm. Plain, simple. Busy. Your head slumps back into the little hollow you’ve made with your arms.

And so he sits, shoulders brushing against yours. He’s frustratingly patient, presence warm and comfortable despite… well, despite everything. 

You can’t help it. Popping back up, you state, “You never call, though.”

“You’re never this late home.” Home. The word is heavy, knocks you onto your heels.

“So?” You shrug. “Could’ve been out with friends, or at a club–”

Laughter slips out like apples loose in a bag, spills onto the floor. Crisp, sweet; but you glare at him all the same. 

“You don’t have friends.” He says it with the remnants of a smile, teasing. A challenge, and you’re more than happy to accept. 

“ Not true , fuckface.” It is. You'd lost track of most of your friends after moving – and all the ones you made here? Your friends were Jamie's friends, and they chose him  in the divorce. " You don't have any friends."

"I do ."

"You don't." It's your turn to scoff. "It's a Friday night and you're in here, washing up and planning to go to bed at a reasonable time."

"I'm an adult, doesn't mean I don't have–" 

"The ones you fuck don't count." And then you pinch the bridge of your nose. "God forbid, if that's how you treat your friends…" 

He laughs, properly, and you feel it in your chest too: the kind of laughter that bubbles like little breaths rising to the top of a lake. 

“M’serious.” He says it in between gasping breaths and you try to steady your own giggles. "And, I have a friend who could take a look at your laptop, if you wanted."

His eyes flick over to the crime scene besides you. It's sweet, but.. "It's gone, Miguel, I know. You don't need to… try and make me feel better."

" Chula ," He flicks the deep lines forming at your brow. You look up and he says, softly, "I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm trying to get you off of the floor so I can mop up that puddle."

With the way he says it, with that little smile, you don't believe him. 

Now he's got your attention, he says, "You could've skipped that 9:00am. Or just been late. Don't think it would've mattered."

"Maybe." You shake your head. "M'not the best student. I'm blindingly… average. Just wanted it to be different, this year." 

Your voice crackles, leaves something in the air he can't quite name. Quiet, again, except this time it's thicker. Smoke, ash, rolling clouds of melancholy in the little front room. For once, he doesn't know what to say. 

You've got your head back on the sofa now, with a deep sigh. You look at the ceiling, and he's looking at you. It's the first time he's able to really study your features, trace the outline of your lips and sloping cheekbone. Your lashes, damp with little droplets of water, look crystalline in the light. Sparkling. Like the paintings depicted in the hefty book sat on his coffee table. He's read that one, twice , cover-to-cover in a fit of… insanity, maybe. He's not a man of frills and fancy, didn't really get it; nor why Gabi had given him the book in the first place. It felt like a filler piece, something to put on the little table and forget about, or to prop up a wooden leg. But that's not how his brother works, frustratingly convoluted. It's stupid, Miguel thought. Everything had to mean something , or what was it good for? 

But looking at you, here, like this ; it clicks. Reaching over for the book, he leans it against the flat of his thigh. And you see it in the corner of your eye, watching as he flicks through the pages. Filled with art, it's the kind of thing on a table in a model apartment: a space-filler in a false home. When you first came here, the starkness and severity of the space had stuck. To you, the book had only reinforced it. Who was Miguel? A serial killer for all you know, stocking fluff pieces and coffee table books; only pretending to be human.

Finally, he stops, finger over a specific place. A double page spread, of surprisingly good quality. 

He clicks his tongue. " This one. "

You follow his finger. A woman in a lake doesn't do it justice. It's beautiful, but it doesn't mean anything to you.

" Ophelia, John Everett Mills, 1852 ." He reads out the little label at the bottom of the image. "Like from Hamlet."

You shrug. "I don't…?"

"Well, she's in love with Hamlet, and then her father's murdered, Hamlet fucks off; and she's left heartbroken, goes mad because of it , arguably–" 

"I've taken tenth grade English, Miguel. I don't get what that has to do with anything."

"She drowns herself. Also arguably, to be fair," He chews his lip, thinking. "Slipped off the bark of a willow tree, into a brook. Incapable of her own distress, or something. Drowns. Do you know how horrible drowning feels? How violent? And yet–" 

He taps the page, and you come a little closer. Beautiful. She's beautiful. 

"I'll admit it, I'm not a big fan of Shakespeare. Gabi – my brother – is way better at this stuff than me. Drama and intrigue and–" He gestures vaguely. "– love . That's why he likes it, apparently. And I… I know someone who really liked this page; I think it was the colours, or the flowers…? She said it looked like a photo, and that the woman looked so pretty in the water."

He pauses, dead-eyed. He's rambling, only taking a breath to compose himself." I… didn't have the heart to tell her that Ophelia, in this painting, is dead. Dead as a fucking doornail. Dragged through still water, sentenced to death by her passivity and grief – but you wouldn't know it."

Unconsciously, you trace the outline of her hair with your finger; swirling locs that blend into muddy reflections. She's on her back and fully dressed; a beaded skirt billowing out into the water. On her back and looking up, like you were on the sofa just a moment ago. Oh. Oh . You blink at the image. Flowers, peppered around to frame Ophelia in her watery grave. It doesn't look like a grave from where you're sitting, but there's a body in the water all the same. 

There's a lump in your throat. Grief; the loss of 4 years of your life in a middling relationship, the aftermath of dead eyes and brilliant blue slashed from a canvas frame. Grief, rising to the surface like a bloated carcass. You thought you'd bound its ankles to cinder blocks and tossed it in a river long ago. 

"I'm probably overstepping. For that, I'm sorry, and I mean it. But I think there's something else. I..I hear you rattling around at night; and sometimes, when I look at you..." 

Your eyes are glassy, tears threatening to spill over. You’re hearing him but you don’t quite understand. Does he know? God, does he know?

"...it reminds me of this painting. You remind me of Ophelia .”

He sighs, turning to you.

“I know how it feels. And I think this shit is going to kill you, if you're not careful."

~~~

He doesn't talk about it. He runs off to start the shower, bundles you into towels and leaves you reeling. God, it's like you've been shot – barely a 10 minute conversation and he's cracked open your ribs to root around in what's left of you. He sees you; wades through the undergrowth and cuts through the bulllshit - he sees you. 

You couldn't even answer. That's what stings the most. 

You’ve settled on the sofa, cross-legged and still fresh from the shower. There’s a documentary on the TV; mindless background to Miguel clattering in the kitchen. He’s putting together some leftovers, even though you insisted that you weren’t hungry, that you’ve already eaten. Well , he had pointed to the gunk caked onto your laptop, wasn’t that the problem in the first place?

He’s good at it; wraps you up in the blanket you always keep draped on the cushions, and hands you a full plate. Wordlessly, because you suppose he’s said everything he needed to. Dutifully, he takes care of you, without a word; the strain of cutting you open on the coffee table clearly too much to bear.

You thank him, and he settles on the armchair opposite, mug of coffee in hand. The gloom of the TV bathes him in light, cuts his cheekbones and jaw just so. One of your mugs in his lap, and he's in a thick knitted sweater. His hair kisses the tops of his lashes, but he brushes it away. You swallow thickly, and when he turns, you look away.

“...You okay?” He asks, confused.

You nod, unable to speak. He gives you a small smile, the corners of his eyes crinkled up like crepe paper. You return it with one of your own. 

He sees you. Finally, you see him too.

_

_

_

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[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

i explain india but i'm drunk.

Hello maggots of mine you're all such babygirls and bastards just like Aziraphale and Crowley. I'm so proud of you all for existing. Yes i'm a wholesome drunk you now know this about me. The wine tastes like rotten grapes and smells of battery acid and cost 245 rupees INR. Speaking of INR, thanks to a maggot's ask, I'm here to explain India. I've never set foot outside of this country. But I'm also very very shit at general knowledge.

To any non-Indians reading this, this is a totally legit 1000% everything covered all-inclusive summary. To any Indians reading this, I'm so so fucking sorry.

India, explained.

So there's south india and there's north india and there's north east india. north india is very racist about south india and they're both very racist about north east india. Most of these people are also probably racist either to other countries or they have internalised racism. It's a wild trip.

There are. A lot of languages here. And a LOT of scripts. I can read two scripts, understand four Indian languages and speak in two of them (badly), and those two are not my native tongues. I cannot speak in my native tongues. It's basically English at this point. These aren't dialects, those are separate. Picture like, Europe, but more, in terms of how many languages.

Everyone hates each other which is valid for the entire planet honestly.

In south india we have a lot of coconuts. Like a lot. There are so many coconuts you have no fucking idea guys you cannot escape the coconuts. I was nearly killed by a shower of coconuts when I was 5 I escaped by one second.

There are also cows. People will tell you that you are being racist when you say India has cows everywhere. But it's true. Two weeks ago I had the pleasure to be stuck in a traffic jam. Next to the street barrier thing (what divides a street im too drunk for this) I saw a huge bull fucking HUMPING a cow. The vehicles just had to move around them. They were having sex right there.

If you're a middle class Indian kid, your career options are: doctor, engineer, scientist, CA, lawyer, government official or family disappointment.

Needless to say, I was going to be doctor and am now instead family disappointment. I'm babygirling so hard it's insane. The prodigal son.

It's very ace-friendly and heterophobic in the sense that you are not supposed to be exhibiting any sexuality whatever in a respectable household. Just shut up and give virgin birth already. But be married. That's crucial.

Oh yeah gay marriage isn't legal trans people are constantly othered by society and/or given no respect whatsover and we're just all vibing here this is totally not why I'm finishing a small bottle of cheap wine on a thursday past midnight alone in my room.

Foreigners are like a zoo species you see them you're instantly concerned like what are they doing outside the TV screens and then either people are normal (rarely), they run up and take photos or try to slip into conversation (more often than you'd think, even I've been guilty of the conversation thing as a kid) OR they start talking about how 'this western culture is ruining our culture'. Which is fair but honestly both the 'cultures' these people are talking about usually involve incredible amounts of bigotry and are more similar than they think.

I think the lesson here is that humans just suck as a species. Except for you maggots. I love you all and I will defend you with my life.

THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT IS INSANELY AMAZING. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CHAAT. I HAVE NO SPICE TOLERANCE SO I HAVE TO BEG ON MY KNEES FOR THE SPICES TO BE REDUCED BUT STILL. THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT, YOU GUYS. YOU NEED IT.

Sorry yes I'm normal. ALSO THE STREET DOGS. THE INDIES. THEY'RE SO LOVELY AND SWEET AND CHAOTIC AND I KEEP TALKING TO THEM. Once when I was crying I made the dog distress while and like five dogs that I didn't know came running to me and comforted me and licked me.

INDIAN DANCE MUSIC. I FUCKING LOVE IT IT'S INSANE. My family were elitist as fuck so I never got to listen to Bollywood music as a kid but it's AMAZING I'm so glad it exists. Bhangra too.

Beaches very very pretty hills very very pretty honestly the nature is fucking beautiful if you can just quickly pretend humans don't exist, which again is true of this entire planet. Yeah. Okay I'm so fucking drunk.

Yeah lots of diversity which is very nice when the humans aren't screaming at each other about it but the rest of the time it's very nice

The garbage and sewer stories? yeah they're all true im sorry

Traffic rules more like traffic suggestions amirite

Well, we still have far better healthcare access than america. so. there is that.

If you speak English well you'll be mocked and isolated. If you speak English poorly you'll be mocked and isolated. Honestly, just be rich. That'll fix it all.

All the conservatives hate each other and don't realise they're the exact same but in like different flavours.

Oh yeah we have auto rickshaws. Look them up. They're so much better than cars I don't get motion sick as easily in them. But the drivers all hate you and never want to take you anywhere.

Eyyyyyyyyyy it's so fucking fun here *drinsk more alcohol* I am so fucking not looking forward to college.

Please someone crowdfund me out of here let's all go chill in Alpha Centauri I've heard it's nice this time of the year.

I will, however, miss the casual live cow pornos. A true highlight.

[I got this peer-reviewed by my friend in India's top law school, just in case, because I'm too drunk and generally dumb. They say I will not be killed. And they've been on Twitter so.]

Irrefutable legal proof y'all. I don't mean to offend anyone except bigots. Fuck you, bigots, if you're not offended then I've disappointed my community.

[alice-apparently]

can’t say i am all that surprised at loreen winning but i am extremely disappointed. just wanna say, that i don’t wanna be angry or upset at loreen—no one denies that she is an amazing singer/artist and she achieved an great feat w winning twice, good for her honestly—but the whole affair leaves an incredibly bitter taste.

While I personally didn’t enjoy tattoo all that much even when it came out, now it’s downright tainted. I enjoyed Euphoria so much back in 2012 and since. It felt special and fresh and drew you right in, it left a lasting impression. Tattoo… doesn’t. It doesn’t feel special, it doesn’t grab me, it’s a decent song but that’s really it. Whatever. Saw someone say that if it wasn’t sung by Loreen but an unknown young swedish singer europe’s people wouldn’t care about or for the song here and i gotta say I agree. Nostalgia, and Loreen being an established household name, her ESC fame and legacy, those seem rather to be the major reasons fuelling her win—and it now taints that exact legacy.

And I hate it. Even Euphoria now leaves a bad taste and I hate it. I am upset. It shouldn’t be this way. The consistent and great dichotomy between jury and public is just… ugh.

Look, I have historically always widely disagreed with all the jury votes and even lots of the public votes. A lot of my favourites this year, Czechia, Moldova, Slovenia, Austria, etc. placed low. Sucks.

But nothing hurts so viscerally as seeing a widely beloved act that was the CLEAR chosen one by the people shown in loud support and millions of votes—the absolutely smashed public vote—a song that represents so well of what we love about ESC, a truly unique, extraordinary standout song, an unusual genre, sung in a native language and bridging those barriers, some funky lil dude no one really has heard of before, a colourful show, and some deeper meaning if you look closer at it and just such a catchy and fun song—get absolutely FUCKED OVER by an elite chosen few (supposedly representing their country but how could they, they certainly didn’t ask us) in a system with VERY questionable origins.

So much unity in music and the europeans choosing for their favourite. The people have spoken. And they said Cha Cha Cha. Loudly.

And now Loreen bears the brunt of the mess, the people’s anger and her legacy stained and it’s not fucking fair, not for her, because the system DOESN‘T FUCKING WORK.

I am upset.

[withacapitalp]

Because the girlies really loved my last post about Argyle (and I can't remember if I put this here or not) have some more unconditional jargyle love

“I got a job today,” 

All conversation halted as over a dozens pairs of eyes turned to stare at him. Argyle gave them all a half smile and shoving some more vegetables in his mouth. 

“A job?” Jonathan managed to sputter out, looking at Argyle like he was from another planet. He did that a lot, always had, so it didn't really bug him.

Argyle was fine with being weird.  

“Hawkins Pizza! Gino wants me to start on Thursday, earlier if I can. They reallllllly need the help,” Argyle said with a disappointed shake of his head, taking another bite of broccoli and telling them the whole story. 

He had gone in on an impulse while he was waiting to pick up Robin and Steve from work. He had just wanted a slice, maybe to pick some up for dinner tonight so Joyce didn’t have to cook, but he had walked into a waking nightmare. Half baked mushy dough, tomato sauce that tasted like it came right out of a jar, and a cheese blend that had zero stringiness. 

They didn’t even have pineapple. It was a complete travesty.

The owner hadn’t appreciated his observations at first, even threatened to kick him out, but he had managed to swing the man around by offering to make him a real pizza. 

Twenty five minutes later Argyle had a job offer and a super nice new boss. Turns out the dude was way chill, just overwhelmed by being one of three restaurants left standing after the earthquake. But good pizza made everyone feel better. It was one of the reasons Argyle had loved being at Surfer Boy so much. 

“Y’all won’t be able to handle the sick ass pies I’m about to be slinging,” He said with a lazy shaka and a chuckle. 

Everyone was still looking at him, but not with as much confusion. They all congratulated him,  lowly going back to the conversations they had been having before. 

Well everyone except Jonathan, but that guy was always zonked out. 

“You’re staying?” Jonathan finally asked. 

“As long as its still cool for me to crash on your couch, my guy,” Argyle answered. Shoot. He probably should have asked that first before taking the job, but he had just been excited to get to start making pizzas again. Being in Hawkins wasn’t anything like Cali, and he had jumped at the chance for something just a little bit familiar. 

“Of course it is. Stay as long as you want,” Jonathan answered automatically, not missing a beat, “I just- I-“

Jonathan cut himself off with an irritated sigh, turning to stare down at his plate. Argyle let him have the moment, bopping his head along to the music playing in his head and happily spacing out. 

Jonny needed things like this, moments where he could debate whatever was going on inside. His best friend was ‘cerebral’ as his abuela would put it- he needed time in his head to find the right thing to say. 

Or he needed time to find the courage to say he wanted to say without fear. Either way, Argyle didn’t mind waiting. 

“I guess I just didn’t expect you to want to stay,” Jonathan mumbled out, still keeping his eyes on his plate and not his best friend, “I mean given how insane everything is,” 

It was insane. It was all insane.

Two weeks ago they had been hitting golfballs into old cars and talking about how Jonathan needed to get his shit together, and now they were sitting in the living room of an abandoned cabin halfway across the country, surrounded by people who had only taken ten days to feel like family to him. 

It was insane that Jonathan’s little sister could move stuff with her mind, and there was apparently an alternate dimension full of hell beasts that were determined to break into their world and destroy everything. It was insane that he had known nothing about the guy he swore was his best friend, and it was insane that Argyle still managed to find a way to love him through all of it. 

But sometimes insane was a good thing.

“Where else would I wanna be?” Argyle said instead with an easy grin, slinging an arm around Jonathan’s shoulder and leaning into his best friend’s space. 

[mykoreanlove]

Who Are You Dating?

Your friend was sitting opposite of you with crossed arms and pouting lips, being visibly upset with you.

“I just don’t understand why you are keeping this a secret from me! Don’t you trust me, y/n?” You laughed sheepishly.

“Of course I trust you. But just like I said, now is not the time to reveal his name. Not yet.”

Your friend sighed in annoyance.

“Fine. Keep your stupid secret then.” She gulped her drink in one go and thought about her next move for a minute.

“Hey, y/n!” You leaned over the table, paying her your utmost attention. “Since you won’t tell me the name of your famous sweetheart… can you at least tell me what he’s like? Is he treating you well?”

Your lips turned up into one big smile. Was your boyfriend treating you well? Was he paying attention to you and your needs? You took a sip of your drink and nodded, smiling nonchalantly.

“You could say so, yeah.” Your friend got up from the table and strode over to the bar, leaving you alone and confused. She came back with a bottle of soju in her hands and determination in her eyes.

“Do you know what this is?” You looked at her bewildered. “Soju”, you answered.

“Yes. Soju. This is a special kind of soju. With each shot we take, I get to ask you a question about your secret romance guy which you have to truthfully answer. Got it?” You admired your friend’s determination – she always had been stubborn and now was no exception.

“And you think you will figure it out that way?”

She smirked at you, then proceeded to pour the first two shots. You were nervous, yet amused. Would she figure it out? Or were you smart enough to keep your idol boyfriend’s identity a secret? You leaned back in anticipation and mustered the shots.

“Game on.”

Your friend clanked her glass with yours and both of you downed the bitter tasting alcohol in one go.

“Waaah”, she sighed in relief. “Nothing beats soju if you ask me.” You on the other hand winced in dismay as you weren’t the big drinker your friend wanted you to be.

You heard your friend clap her hands together, signaling that it was time to start her questionary game.

“Question one, and I’ll go easy on you with that one, is: when and where was your first date?”

You thought back to the first time you met him, smiling unconsciously.

“Well, it had to be months ago. Oh I know, it was the beginning of April. Shortly after my dad’s birthday. Even though I had met him weeks prior our first date was in April.”

“You met him weeks prior? What? Was he too shy to ask you out?” You threw your head back laughing.

“No, not at all. He asked me out right away – he didn’t waste any time on making clear that he liked me. However, it took us some time to meet up because he had to work non-stop. He was out of the country a lot and all his plans to take me out fell through. But then-”, you stopped with a big smile. “Then, it kind of happened spontaneously.”

Your friend looked at you skeptically. “Spontaneously?”

“Yeah. He was alone in the office, working on his music. It was late at night, so he ordered a cab for me and met me in his company’s building.” Your friend looked disappointed.

“That’s not the love story I wanted to hear, y/n.” You laughed in amusement.

“But why? He worked with what he got. He found some mats and a blanket and used those to imitate a picnic. He literally got all the snacks the office had to offer and he even found some fairy lights that he hung up to set the mood.” You smiled warmly, thinking back to how your boyfriend looked in those golden lights, admiring you just as much as you admired him.

“We talked all night and even slept there until we got woken up by the sun. I know it sounds like it wasn’t that much but it was actually very romantic.”

Your friend smirked. “Did something remarkable happen?” You blushed and looked down at your lap. “OMG, y/n. Spill the tea!”

“He, uhm, he actually showed me what he was working on. It was a love song, a very sexy one, too. And I loved it – he is so great at his craft. After he made sure that I loved the song he confessed to me – he actually wrote it for me. And then he kissed me.” Your cheeks grew redder by the second.

“No way, that sounds so lovely! He wrote a sexy love song for you? Can I hear it?” You chuckled silently.

“You already have.” Your friend’s eyes grew wide in surprise.

“What? No way? I have? He actually published a song he wrote for you?!” You smiled proudly while nodding your head. Your friend clasped her chest in amazement. “Damn.”

You took the bottle of soju in your hands and poured the next shots. After your friend had composed yourself you downed the next round. “Okay, now tell me. What is his best quality? And leave no part out!”

You leaned back in your chair, thinking about an answer that would do him justice. His best feature? You thought about his exceptional good looks – driving not only you, but thousands of fans crazy. He had those beautiful, yet intense eyes that could pierce right through you with just one glance. He had that cute nose that you could admire all day. You thought of his very sweet and kissable lips that you loved to hang unto. As you pictured your boyfriend’s face you automatically started recalling his body. The muscles on his back or his well-defined arms turned you on indefinitely. His strong legs or selient abs made you weak, as well as his cute little tushy did.

But was that his best quality? No, far from it. He was a very handsome man on the outside, but even more so on the inside. You admired his intellect, especially his emotional intelligence. He always knew how to take care of you and what to say to soothe your wounds. You admired his hard work and determination – you had never seen someone so ambitious and goal-focused as he was. You thought about his kindness – no matter how hard the day had been or which brutal lies had been spread about him, he always wore a smile on his face and treated the people around him with kindness and compassion.

“Hello? Earth to y/n? Are you still debating on his best quality?” You laughed at your friend. “Hey, it’s hard. He is such a great person. I-”

Suddenly you thought back to a moment in which you were laughing hysterically together about the most profane things, holding your stomachs while gasping for air. What you admired the most about your boyfriend was his humbleness – he never forgot where he came from and he always tried to stay down to earth while being his best self. A proud smile covered your lips again.

“His best quality is that he’s real.”

Your friend re-filled the shot glasses while monitoring the remaining soju. “Alright, I guess I have about 2 questions left, so I better make them count.” You both downed the next shots, which you started to regret immediately as you felt yourself getting dizzy. Your chest got warmer, you tongue got looser and your impulse to overshare grew quickly.

Your friend cleared her throat before posing her next question. “Is he dominant or submissive?” You nearly choked on your own spit after hearing that one. “What? It’s something your best friend should know!”

By now your cheeks were dark red – a mixture of the soju in your blood and the shyness you felt in your body. You were no prude but talking about your sex life made you feel awkward. Especially in a public place like a bar. About your super famous boyfriend that nobody was supposed to know about. You tried dodging the question but your friend was merciless.

“So?”

“Kind of both I guess?”

“I guess? I guess? Who is fucking him? You or me? What do you mean I guess?”

“Oh my god”, you whimpered as you lowered your head and hoped that the floor would swallow you this instant. How were you supposed to answer that?

He was in fact both – most of the times he loved to take on the dominant role. Usually he was the one seducing you, mounting you and having his way with you – which you totally loved. You loved getting on your knees for him, begging him to make you feel good and give you what you wanted. You loved when he was using his strength over you, pressing you into the mattress until not only your legs shook but also the walls around you. You fucking loved it when he was degrading you, being rough with you until it was over and he would pamper you like a princess.

But sometimes it was reverse – sometimes the responsibility of his work took a toll on him and he was happy to be submissive. He enjoyed being indecisive, not balancing the world on his shoulders for once and then he behaved like a brainless puppy that followed your every word. A pussydrunk boy that would burn the world down if you asked him to.

Your friend watched you debate your answer for what felt like eternity until she smirked naughtily. “You’re thinking about him fucking you for like 5 minutes and your face tells me everything, y/n. You don’t have to answer me. Lucky you though!” She stuck her tongue out and erupted in laughter afterwards.

You were eyeing the bottle of soju which was nearly empty. “Thank god”, you mumbled under your breath.

“Oh”, your friend pouted. “The bottle is almost empty. This game is so much fun – why don’t we get a new one after?” She beamed at you in excitement which you shut down immediately.

“If we get a new one, you’re the one answering questions, missy!” She rolled her eyes at you in annoyance.

“Drink up!”

Just one more question. You just had to answer one more question and you would be released from this torture. You did well until now, you had not said his name so far. You grinned at yourself proudly, congratulating yourself for your willpower.

“So, your special secret guy. Has he been in love before you?”

You felt your chest tighten. The alcohol in your blood made it impossible to hide your true feelings, so it was written all over your face. “Shit, wait. Is this a touchy subject?”

It was. In fact, it really was.

You sighed in dismay, taking your time before answering truthfully. “There has been someone before me that he was deeply in love with. His feelings were reciprocated and they shared a very beautiful, yet intense time together. It didn’t work out because there were a lot of obstacles in their way, rendering their love impossible.”

Your friend watched you silently for some time. “Y/N, it’s over between them, right? Why are you so disturbed by this?” You chuckled awkwardly.

“It is over between them, that’s true. And I shouldn’t be jealous or pissed off because of it but I find it very hard not to be. Especially when he sees that ex every day.” Your friend’s eyes widened in shock.

“Every day? Was he dating a staff member or something?” You shook your head.

“No, he was dating one of his members.” Your friend’s jaw hit the floor, leaving her silent for the first time that evening.

“You got to be shitting me. He was in a relationship with one of his members? Holy fuck. I thought those boy on boy ships were made up by crazy fan girls but they actually exist?”

“Of course they exist. Imagine spending years with someone that you like. You go through thick and thin, that person understands what you are going through like no other. It’s only natural to develop feelings in that scenario. Especially with all those sexy dances and touchy photoshoots.” Your friend nodded in agreement.

“Does he know?”

“About my insecurities? No. I try my best to hide them. What’s done is done, right?”

You glanced over at the bottle of soju. “It’s almost empty.“

“Almost”, your friend poured the remaining sip into your shot glass. “This is like half a shot. Do you get to ask me half a question then?” you grimaced.

“Haha, smart ass. Save those comments for your boyfriend. Let me think. We’ve covered your first date and his best qualities and we’ve talked about him in bed and his history with love. Oh! I know.” Your friend looked at you with a mixture of anticipation and excitement. You looked at the shot in your hand for the last time this night and downed it in one go. It actually didn’t taste so bad after four of them.

“Does he love you?”

Did he love you? You grinned the widest grin while thinking about all the ways he made you feel loved every single day. You swore yourself to secrecy in the beginning of the game but after all that soju you couldn’t help yourself. You gestured your friend to come nearer to you.

“Pssst”, you whispered, “Want to know how he loves me?” Your friend nodded while you checked your surroundings like a criminal that was about to confess his sins.

“Okay. He says ‘I love you’ obviously but you know that words are words and actions are what I’m about, right? Listen to this. When I wake up alone I always get a sweet good morning text. He randomly sends me songs that remind him of me. He loves to cook my favorite dinner. He gifts me presents all the fucking time. He calls just to hear my voice. He buys me lingerie only to take it off in 5 seconds. He sends flowers to my house just because I like flowers. He brings me soup when I feel sick. He even kisses me when I have a runny nose. If I complain about something that’s broken in my house he makes sure it gets repaired. He always asks about my family. He always compliments me – on my body and my character. He leaves random notes in my house. He always has the snacks I love most. He tracks my cycle and gets me pads and chocolate when my uterus is out to kill me. He leaves kisses all over my body. He helps me studying Korean and is so patient with me while I’m literally slaughtering his native tongue.  He always checks in on me and reassures me when I feel insecure. He teaches me his dances and pretends I’m good at it. He laughs at my jokes – I mean obviously he does because I’m hilarious, but it’s like he laughs extra hard. And when I’m sad or down the drain he makes sure that I laugh a little bit more. He always makes sure that I know how proud he is of me. Even if I have to date him in secret right now I know that he loves me with all of his heart.” You looked at your teary-eyed friend.

“So, did you figure it out?”

[antimonyandthyme]

antimony do u have anything else from ur carcar tlou au?? just read it and i’m obsessed

anon thank you so much for inquiring about the tlou au... it brings me great joy to imagine carcar navigating a cordyceps infested world... put them into situations amirite?

drew comparisons with joel and ellie and carlos and oscar because both parties basically speedran the enemies to whatever-it-is-they-are-to-each-other-now course. joel would of course level the entire world for ellie. he has in fact, levelled the entire world for ellie, and i see carlos doing the same, because he has decided oscar is his to protect. except there's nothing special about the package. oscar isn't a cure. they're both just trying to survive.

in my head, just like joel, carlos picks oscar up by accident. not from any group, just by coincidence. magnets, right? oscar just has something carlos wants, and carlos is very good and dispatching infected. after max and charles, he thinks he's a little too good.

after max and charles, he also travels exclusively alone, but after bringing oscar back to his city, only to see the kid bury the one person he went back to the city for, carlos offers it up without thinking. hey, wanna come along with me? i'm not very good at taking care of people. in fact the last two people i travelled with, well. but i can't really leave you here, tear-tracks still wet on your face. charles would be very disappointed in me. so. wanna come along with me?

oscar of course says yes. anything to not be alone.

carlos doesn't talk much in the car rides, until oscar somehow manages to steal them more country music cds. then carlos talks, while oscar makes fun of his music tastes. but keeps stealing more country music cds.

of course, because the world hasn't changed and everyone is still fucked up, oscar gets taken. by whatever group, the fireflies, the seraphites. whatever it is, oscar gets taken. maybe over something as simple as jacking a car with a working cd player, after their old one breaks down.

there's a switch at the back of carlos's head. he didn't think it'd be so easy, but it is, to go from killing the infected to killing anyone who stands in between him and oscar. he pulls oscar out, unconscious but wondrously unharmed. carlos's body count of non-infected probably rivals that of the infected now. that's how many people he works his way through to reach oscar.

carlos doesn't say anything when oscar wakes up in the car. he'd forgotten to wipe the blood off his own face, before getting out of there in a hurry. oscar does it for him, wasting precious water so he can clean off carlos's brow.

this is what you get for liking country music so much, oscar says. carlos hears, i don't give a shit about what you've done, i'm staying with you.

and then they never speak of this incident again.

[userparamore]

I get that you don’t like Taylor but can you not see paramores growth as band because of the eras tour they seem so happy to be on that stage every night be grateful for that

first of all i don't really understand why you're coming for me over post that isn't even mine. second of all i'm allowed to be a fan of a band and be critical of them at the same time, and i've expressed my disappointment over this since the tour was announced. i'm not gonna beat a dead horse and bring up why i'm critical of this tour again in this answer, but the act of them being on this tour really says a lot about them for me in a negative way, and i think it's hypocritical of them after preaching about sustainability and equal rights for all.

paramore is also not some small indie band no one has heard of. they've been doing this for 20 years, they've sold out big venues, played madison square garden multiple times, they played their biggest show ever on the this is why aus&nz tour with 26,283 tickets sold in sydney. multiple of their biggest songs on spotify is close to a billion streams and they have 21 million monthly listeners. all this growth they've done, they've done on their own- sure it's nice that more people discover them, but they didn't need this tour to be successful. they already were.

also for me personally, this tour leaves a bad taste in my mouth. i come from a country where if i'm lucky they tour once every album cycle. i've been lucky to see them 2 times and the last time was in 2017. they played a festival so i didn't get to see a full set. they've been to my country four times total and 1 concert wasn't a festival. the eras tour didn't have a show in my country, and i wasn't about to fight swifties for tickets that are extremely expensive. in the end my friend ended up having a spare ticket to one of the vienna shows bc the person they were originally gonna go with ended up not being able to go, and i was asked if i wanted to go. me and this friend first became friends bc we both liked paramore, and they've never been able to see them live. travelling to vienna to have that experience together, i would sit through 3h of taylor swift for. i spent close to 2000 dollars on the whole trip including the ticket, for it to end up being cancelled. very happy we didn't die, but it still sucked to have spent all that money and the not be able to go. especially since this would've been my friend's first paramore live experience.

i'm happy they're having fun playing their greatest hits for 3 months. i'm happy for my mutuals who's been able to go and have had a good time. the money they earn will probably go to their new label, and hopefully we won't have to wait 5 years for new music. but don't tell me to be grateful.

i try my best to make this community a welcoming space. i try my best to contribute with gifs and edits, and post news when there are news. i've hosted countdown events, i've hosted/made zines, i've hosted gif challenges. i want to do all these things bc it's fun to be part of this community and i love the friends i've made here. but i can still do all those things, and not have to kiss paramore's ass. i can still express myself and speak on the things i don't agree with bc it's my blog. we've had "debates" in my inbox before, people have expressed their opinions on paramore before, and it's always respectful which i appreciate. we as a community can disagree on things and still be a community.

[bangtanhoneys]

The Grammy's - Part Two

Part 1 l Part 3

The GRAMMY’s.

The Grammy Awards are awards presented by the Recording Academy of the United States to recognise “outstanding” achievements in the music industry…if you believed what you read on Wikipedia and if you didn’t see the artists who had brought exceptional change to the music industry like Lana Del Ray, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry and even Diana Ross.

BTS were included in that list of people who had changed the music industry, had made Billboard change their rules every time they brought out a new single or album, had streaming numbers no one else had and yet for all the Grammy nominations, performances and making an appearance, there was no Grammy. 

Until they had received a notification from Bang-PD to their phones, though five of those messages had been delayed in getting to their recipients. 

Grammy Nominations have come through - Grace has got 3. 

7 Rings - Record of the Year

In My Head - Album of the Year

7 Rings - Best Pop Solo Performance. 

Each had a different reaction to the news, which was understandable. At first, there was elation over the fact that at least one of them got a Grammy nod, second was amazement that she had scored three big major categories and then worry mixed in with disappointment. Why hadn’t they had the nomination? Whether solo or as a group, the Grammy’s had left a bitter taste in their mouths. 

Namjoon, Yoongi and Seokjin knew Grace would flat-out refuse to perform or even go to the awards. They knew her back to front - her loyalty stood with the group and if they weren’t getting a nomination, then neither would she. 

However, this was a defining moment in her career, their careers, their history and for the country. 

And for those who knew what kind of start Grace had, this would be the perfect way to celebrate that career. 

She started as an admin assistant, straight out of school and into employment with Big Hit Entertainment who then saw that she could do ballet dancing, and ballroom dancing, who could sing though that skill was untouched, spoke perfect English, could speak German as well and had all the charm of an idol.

Yet there was no place for her. 

Everyone knew Bang PD wanted a hip-hop group and that’s what he started with in Namjoon, then Yoongi and Hobi. Grace was added as a backup for the ability to sing their ad-libs and rap alongside them without any problem. Then along came Seokjin & Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin and suddenly they were an idol group. 

A woman shouldn’t be doing hip-hop with a boy group and so she had signed a two album contract which had left her on tenterhooks as to whether all the skills she had gained while working with Bangtan Sonyeondan would now be worthless. But along came Skool Luv Affair and Dark & Wild and everything fell into place. 

Now they couldn’t see the group without their eldest member, the only female, their noona. The woman who protected them in every sense of the word and who had always been there for their solo projects and careers. Her own started very late after their military careers had started so she had full reign of being the BTS representative. 

If her upcoming tour was a testament to how well her solo career had taken off, then a Grammy nomination would just solidify that. 

Updates were coming in every day and then it was the date of the Grammy Awards themselves. Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, Namjoon & Yoongi were given special permission for absence of leave for two days so Seokjin planned a private viewing party just for the boys, their close friends who knew Grace as well and some of their team. 

Seokjin had been up till late preparing snacks and food as the Grammy’s would start at 10am their time. There was plenty of alcohol covering his kitchen counter and there was food everywhere when Hobi had arrived first.

“Hyung, have you been stress cooking again?” 

Seokjin paused where he was putting out plates and cups, chilling the expensive alcohol that had been gifted to him by someone and making sure there was enough kimchi in the container. Multitasking at its finest. 

“Maybe? I can’t help it. I’m nervous, more for Grace than anyone else.”

Hobi sighed, having had the same conversation with every other member of the team and Grace herself. She had massive reservations about attending and performing, believing it all to be a big farce so they could have big viewing numbers. 

“I know, but noona will be fine. She’s a lot stronger than us and a loss at the Grammy’s won’t affect her like it did us. As she said, as long as her performance is killer, who cares.”

Nothing more could be said as the front door opened and the rest of his boys poured through, Jungkook first then the rest following with bags of more food and alcohol. 

“How drunk are you all getting?” Hobi laughed, receiving hugs and pats on the back as he looked at the various sized bags that were being dumped in the kitchen.

“It would have been more but Yoongi-hyung stopped us,” Taehyung shrugged as he dropped his bag and then lifted his arm, flexing it to show off his muscles which caused Jimin to roll his eyes and push at him. “We’ve all got muscles. It hasn’t been that long since Hobi-hyung has seen us.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Yoongi and Namjoon asked Seokjin at the same time, causing the two to pause, look at each other then back at their hyung. 

Jungkook, while looking every inch the military man he had become, had wrapped his arms around Seokjin and pushed his face into his back.

“Nervous,” Seokjin admitted while patting Jungkook’s hands. “I’m more nervous for her than about the whole thing. But I know she can handle it. It’s just a big thing.”

“For everyone,” Namjoon smiled slightly and reached over to give Seokjin’s shoulder a squeeze, causing the man to squawk at how strong that grip had become. “Ah, sorry hyung.”

“Come on, let’s get the TV sorted before everyone else comes. And start cracking the bottles open hyung, let the champagne breathe before we get started,” Yoongi grinned as he took control of the situation, shooing people to start doing jobs.

Even though it was early in the morning and most people had been up all night working, everyone was in bright spirits as the coffee churned. The living room was filled with about 20 people, some on the couch, some on the floor, some on chairs they had brought over. Jungkook had even stolen the spare mattress in the other room and had laid it out on the floor for some.

BTS, however, had taken control of the couch. 

They barely listened to the people talking on the screen as they all settled down with their various glasses of drink though Seokjin, Hobi and Namjoon had stuck to iced coffee for now. They wanted to be sober enough to get to her performance before drinking any type of alcohol.

Their phones went off at the same time.

“Oh my god, look at her!”

Taehyung lifted his phone up and began showing it around to the others. Sejin had sent a picture of Grace between her parents, dressed in her Elie Saab dress and made up to the nines as her father stood in a suit to her left and her mother stood to her right in a gold dress. They all matched perfectly to what Grace was wearing. 

Messages quickly flew out of good luck, hope it all goes well, kill the stage, etc. None were read by Grace but Sejin sent a thumbs up emoji back with a winky face. 

There was silence in the room as they watched the red carpet, pointing out the various celebrities they knew of or had met. They had immediately spotted Liam McEwan, one of the reporters who they actually liked. And then they saw Bang PD step out of the car with Grace’s parents, a member of staff leading them past the red carpet and inside.

“Here we go,” Seokjin muttered as Namjoon’s hand squeezed his shoulder again, a bit more gently this time. 

The noise from the crowd was instantaneous. 

Hands reached forward for the remote control to turn down the volume a bit as screams were heard, many heads turned as the camera switched to Liam McEwan. “Everybody, Grace Chu from BTS has arrived! The queen is here.”

The boys held their breath until the camera caught up with where it was meant to be, showing Grace in front of the Grammy backdrop, cameras flashing in her eyes as she smiled for the photographers. The dress sparkled each time the camera flashed and then she was moved along, straight towards Liam. 

“Seee! Told you she could do it,” Yoongi said as he raised his glass of whiskey, not at all a bit tipsy as Jungkook reached over and filled it up for him. When did he get started on that?

“She hasn’t even gotten inside yet hyung,” Jimin laughed, already opening another bottle of champagne as if Grace had already won her three awards and had been crowned Queen of Korea. 

Seokjin and Namjoon as well as Hobi, the only three who had been determined not to drink until the end, slowly sipped on their iced coffee and laughed as they watched an excited maknae open Taehyung’s bottle of wine for him. 

“But she’s won everyone over! I mean, that dress is amazing on her,” Taehyung said as he stood, pushing over Jimin who spilled himself into Hobi’s lap. Obviously, a career in the military had done nothing to dampen their enthusiasm. 

Taehyung stood next to the large TV screen, pointing at various parts of her dress. “I mean, it’s pretty low. I wonder who signed that off but either way, she looks amazing. And look! Cleavage! No one has seen noona with cleavage yet.”

Yoongi groaned, covering his eyes. “Don’t mention Grace and cleavage in the same sentence. I’m not drunk enough yet.”

Seokjin hid a grin behind his hand and tried not to chuckle, ignoring Hobi who was cackling into his back and Namjoon who stood ready to defend his noona’s honour until he was pulled back down. 

“What?” Taehyung asked, grinning. “Okay, okay. But this is history in the making here. She’s got everyone eating out of her hand already and she’s not even inside yet. Is that Taylor Swift she’s saying hello to? Oh, it's Nicki Minaj. Ah, another collab being set up there.”

“Tae,” Seokjin started and threw a napkin at him. “Sit down before your eyes turn into the same shape as the TV. You’re blocking the view as well.”

There were plenty of voices who agreed with him as Tae pouted and sat back down, ignoring the maknae line’s giggles. 

The next time they saw Grace was sitting with her parents in the main room, taking a glass of water and gulping it down before Sejin and the Grammy team led her away. 

“Oh this is it,” Jungkook whispered as he somehow managed to squeeze in next to Seokjin. If there were two people in the room who were close to Grace and could feel her nerves from here, it would be them. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to 5-time Grammy nominated member of BTS, Grace Chu,” the loud announcement came.

“Okay. This is it,” Namjoon said as he went into leader mode. “Everyone shut up and let’s enjoy it.” Nothing more needed to be said as everyone went into quiet mode, 20 sets of eyes on the TV that showed a black curtain being lifted as the opening to the Sound of Music’s ‘Favourite Things’ was being played by a small orchestra, dressed in black dinner suits and dresses.

Jungkook reached over and held onto Seokjin’s hand tight.

Each light in the middle came on to show her standing there, in her blazer dress that was very short but presentable and caused some uproar from the boys the moment they saw it but a quick look from Namjoon and they settled again. 

Her eyes met the camera as it slowly zoomed in and she gave a small smile as she started to sing, four female dancers walking on stage to meet her dressed in white suits. 

“My wrist, stop watchin’, my neck is flossy,” Grace and Jungkook sang at the same time, though he did it under his breath as he watched the choreography on the TV. By the time the chorus came, the four female dancers spread further apart to allow the seven male dancers to come alongside though they were dressed in matching black suits.

“Wearing a ring, but ain’t gon’ be no Mrs,” Grace sang as she flashed her left hand, wiggling slightly causing Jimin and Taehyung to giggle.

There were more outrage noises when it came to the second pre-chorus, the female dancers were back as the lyrics “my smile is beamin’, my skin is gleamin’” were sung but instead of Grace doing the usual choreography that the boys were used to, it had been changed for American tv.

All five women turned and leaned forward, resting heads on backsides as Grace shifted hands to turn her head towards the camera as she sang the rest of the lyrics, “the way it shine, I know you’ve seen it” as her hand went down the thigh of the dancer who she was resting on. 

“I bought a crib just for the closet,” Grace sang as she rightened herself, not paying attention to the crowd’s delighted noises or what her parents were going to think. Right now, it was a cause of getting through this song to get to the rap part and then done.

All dancers were back for the chorus and Yoongi, Hobi and Namjoon shifted towards the edge of the seat. They had seen the many comments around this song and whether Grace could perform the rap part live, since it was so fat, not realising she covered their rap parts with ease when they needed her to. 

“When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass yeah,” she sang/rapped, turning her body a little to camera to show her hand grabbing a chunk of her backside to match the lyrics. She then fully turned to the camera, the dancers in formation on either side of her as she continued the verse.

“Shoot, go from the store to the booth. Make it all back in one loop, gimmie the loot,” she continued as she danced her way through the verse without stopping to take a breath.

In complete jubilation, every single person in Seokjin’s living room sang along with her.

“Nevermind I got the juice. Nothing but net when we shoot. Look at my neck, look at my jet!”

“Ain’t got enough money to pay me respect. Ain’t no budget when I’m on the set If I like it, then that’s what I get,” Grace continued from where they left off singing. 

The dancers all left the stage as the orchestra took over the last chorus, letting the song play out once Grace stopped singing. The audience stood, clapping and cheering for her and even though the camera’s didn’t show it, she did a full bow to the crowd.

“Okay, that was amazing!” 

The alcohol was flowing now the worst of the nerves were over with and Seokjin happily accepted the glass of wine, Namjoon a whiskey from Yoongi and Hobi a washed down glass of white wine. All seven boys, their close friends and team lifted their glasses in cheers.

“Namjoon, you do it,” Yoongi said as everyone looked to Seokjin to lead the toast.

“Oh right,” their leader said as he stood, making his way to stand next to the TV where the awards were flowing.

“When I first met noona, I was a shy teenager who had no clue, probably like many of us. She didn’t care that I was into hip hop, that I had big dreams and that I wanted to be something. All she cared about was Namjoon - what did he want? And I never knew the answer to that question until the day she and I were out buying plants,” Namjoon paused then laughed when he realised he was getting teary as was the rest of the boys in front of him. 

“She asked what I wanted? And I picked up this plant pot because it was cute. And I realised there and then, that all noona wanted from me was to be happy and if a plant pot made me happy because it was cute, then that’s what she was going to get for me. Seeing her come from someone who didn’t know their place in the world to now seeing her up there on the Grammy stage, I’m very thankful that I have Grace Chu in my life. So fuck the Grammy’s, who gives a shit. Grace Chu just made history!”

Everyone’s glasses went up with cheers. “To Grace Chu!” they all said then downed their alcohol in one go, only for glasses to be filled again just as quickly.

There was complete and utter silence when she didn’t win Best Pop Solo Performance, though Jungkook could see the storm brewing over his leader’s head. “Noona isn’t bothered,” he muttered as he pointed to her on the screen as she laughed and talked to her parents, completely unbothered by the fact she didn’t win. 

It turned out to be a very long morning as each award came and went. 

“The nominees for Record of the Year are,” that sentence interrupted all the conversations in the room, heads turning on a swivel to stare at the screen. 

BTS turned to look at each other and as if they had the same thought, they each reached over to clasp hands. Namjoon closed his eyes, let out a breath and prayed.

“And the winner is,” there was a giant pause and Grace on the screen turned to her mother to say something before the answer was revealed:  “7 Rings - Grace Chu.”

There was complete and utter pandemonium in Seokjin’s living room. Namjoon had fallen to the floor on his knees, Jungkook on his back. Taehyung and Jimin were hugging each other, Hobi stared at the screen in utter confusion and Yoongi reached over to wrap an arm around Seokjin’s shoulders.

“She did it, hyung. She actually did it.”

They missed most of her speech, only calming down enough to hear the last part of it. 

“Holy shit,” Namjoon muttered as he wiped a hand down his face and stayed where he was. Jungkook grabbed hold of his shoulders and whispered hurriedly at him. “Hyung, hyung, look.”

On screen, Chris Martin from Coldplay was walking across the stage.

“No way,” Seokjin whispered as Yoongi grabbed hold of his hand, squeezing tight. If there was anyone who was important to the couple and to the rest of the band, it would be Chris. The fact he was there to present the biggest award of the night was not missed by anyone.

“The winner for Album of the Year,” Chris paused and turned to look at Grace. “In My Head" by Grace Chu, produced by Bang PD & PDogg from Big Hit Entertainment. Congratulations.”

There was silence for a moment and then a multitude of noise. Cheers, screams, crying, hooting, laughter and some kind of noise Taehyung had produced at the news. Each man had a different reaction as they watched Grace stand and walk up to the stage, greeting Chris the traditional way before hugging him. 

They went silent again as Grace started her speech, each of them holding their breath as they were standing. It wasn’t missed that she had said her boys, ARMY and her man separately and for her to acknowledge Seokjin like that on American TV was another big moment.  

Jimin’s phone rang just as Grace walked off stage and he quickly pulled it out, seeing Sejin’s name on the screen.

“Ah Sejin-hyung,” Jimin said while he put the voice call on speakerphone so they could hear their old manager. 

“Grace is just coming backstage now so I’ve got you on speakerphone, one moment.” They could hear the tears in his voice over the noise in the background. “Grace, the boys are on the phone.”

They were all screaming their congratulations on the line and suddenly they heard Bang-PD on the line.

“Boys,” he started crying again. “I’m so proud of you all. So proud. I’m letting Grace have a moment with her parents but I just wanted to say I’m very proud of you all. Thank you.”

It was hard to even get their words out but there were promises for a celebration dinner when they got back and Grace would speak to them later once she got back to her hotel. 

“She did it,” Namjoon whispered as he saw the notifications on his phone on various media outlets across South Korea and America reporting on Grace winning her two Grammys. CL, IU, TXT and others were posting on their social media, tagging BTS and Grace in their posts. Even Billboard had put up a post.

“She did it,” Namjoon repeated as he rested a hand on Seokjin’s back and an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders. Hobi joined them at Jungkook’s side, pulling Jimin and Taehyung in and Yoongi joined them by wrapping an arm around Taehyung and Seokjin. 

Grace would return back to Korea, to them, as a twice Grammy awarded artist. And no one would be able to say that Korea’s Noona hadn’t broken the barrier that they all needed to be broken and no one could say that they as a group and individually weren’t leading the way for other Korean idols and groups. 

[snowsays]

on my knees hands clasped together in front of me pleading for you to infodump about your fic in which vertina is jolie’s human wife

oh noo, I fear you're gonna be disappointed 😖😖 the fic is not about them 👉🏻👈🏻 im not even sure if they would have appeared

it's actually a sokeefe fic that consumed my brain for -checks notes- four whole days, in which I wrote 8.4k words. I got inspired by this AU. I have actually mentioned it a little before in this blog, I asked for headcanons on what each member of the gang would study/wear/like, because it's a human!college!au, and I actually made a pinterest board with fashion inspo for Biana, Sophie, Keefe and Fitz lmao (you can check it out here if you wanna) and a spotify playlist for Biana and Sophie like those you can make with a friend where spotify automatically fills it with music according to the tastes of each of you

so basically my general idea was that Sophie and Keefe meet at a party where they make out and then the next day they bump into each other at Everglen for spring break. I was writing it on the go bc I hadnt written fanfiction in 12 years (something got into my brain last year and I had an idea for an Eragon fanfic, wrote like a page then got busy, and now this one) so I only had a vague idea of what I wanted to happen which was: make out/have sex at party so its real awkward the next day at everglen (I basically got to this point before the brainrot stopped), couple nightly accidental meetups bc neither of them can sleep, talk about their trauma??, have sex again??, and that was it 😂

but me being me, I got really into making it make sense. So the ~Lore~ I came up with was:

The Reuwens adopted Sophie and Amy after the Fosters died in a fire (cuz we gotta keep it in theme right?)

Jolie lives, and is happily married with Vertina. Fuck Brady (didnt think too much about what happened to him, but maybe he couldve gone to jail?)

Jolie is an adult and out of the house ofc, she's still 15 years older than Sophie

The Reuwens have an animal sanctuary, I was thinking horse sanctuary also inspired by another fanfic I read (but that one was a Haikyuu one)

Sophie drives an old pick-up truck, and Biana has a Suzuki Vitara Live (which she got to spite Luzia Vacker, who is her great-aunt and very conservative. It was a compromise, Biana wanted a Ram pick-up bc Luzia was all "ladies should only drive small cars" but Della and Alden got her to accept the Suzuki) (< that was inspired by my own experience with a family friend who wanted me to sell him my Renault Sandero Stepway and he would give me a Chevrolet Spark bc it was "better for girls")

Foxfire is a college

Sophie, Biana and Stina are roommates. They rent an apartment together (they're in third year, Sophie transferred to Foxfire in second year and got placed as Biana's roommate, who wasnt happy bc she hadnt had one before, but they became friends after helping each other with classes stuff)

Likewise, Fitz, Keefe, Dex and (I was still deciding if) Tam live together in a house (it's Cassius')

Sophie and Biana dont like Stina and she doesnt like them either

Sophie ends up going with Biana to Fitz and Keefe's party bc Stina goaded her about being boring, and then also ends up in Keefe's room to spite Stina

Sophie and Stina are both studying to be veterinarians (the college situation is a mix of how I know american colleges work and how they work in my country)

Biana I was thinking fashion design and/or art. Keefe also art

Also I got an anon after I asked for hcs that mentioned poli-sci/law for Fitz but also culinary so I was thinking he started poli-sci/law at Alden's behest (like Alvar) but then changed majors to culinary. I was thinking to give him and Biana issues with parental expectations and all that (but probably not super detailed)

Dex's major was mechanical ingeneering, and also he and Biana are dating

Also the reason Sophie was spending spring break with Biana and not the Reuwens was that Jolie and Vertina were in their honeymoon, and Grady and Edaline got excited so Sophie and Amy convinced them to go on their own couples trip, and then Amy made plans with her roommate so Biana invited Sophie to Everglen

No one knew Keefe was gonna go too. I was thinking he had a fight with Cassius about the party the morning after so Fitz told him to just go to Everglen with him

and I think that was it. i'm sorry it wasnt more joliexvertina centric, I hope you enjoyed it anyway

[slasher-male-wife]

Phillip Graves x gn goth s/o head cannons

Today is Warren Kole's birthday so I thought why not write some silly head cannons for my sweet southern baby girl. I've been listening to more goth bands lately too so this is probably where the idea came from.

Warnings: Mentions of reader wearing makeup, brief mention of a goth kink

I'm assuming he met you when he was outside of work. You're probably all gothed up and he just couldn't get his eyes off you. He's from the south so he's not really used to seeing goth people out and about.

He'll be respectful going up and talking to you. His entire job is dealing with a bunch of different people so he'll be respectful for the most part. "I'm sorry I just noticed ya and I have to say I love the look."

He's a country music buff so when he first hears something like 'Siouxsie and the Banshees' or 'Bauhaus' he'll keep an open mind but he probably won't like it.

He does like how unique your fashion is when you get all gothed up. He thinks it's nice being able to see you when you're both in full goth outfit and makeup if you wear it and when you're just wearing sweatpants and a hoodie.

He's also fascinated by your makeup if you wear it. He knew a couple goths when he was growing up but seeing you put on all your makeup and transforming yourself is so interesting to him. He'll joke about letting you put makeup on him but lord knows that would never happen.

When he introduces you to the shadows he'll be ok with you getting dressed up because it's 'an important event'. He won't tolerate anyone making fun of you for being goth. This is also probably where he learns some people have a goth kink. He shuts that down too.

He's either not religious or just barely religious in my opinion based on I know about him canonically. But he's totally supportive of you wearing rosaries or crosses in your outfits. He's a little disappointed if you're not actually religious but it's alright.

He might try and learn more about the goth subculture to impress you and show he's interested in your music taste and fashion. "Ya know honey, I found out recently that the goth subculture came from the punk subculture."

If you dye your hair he'll want to watch you do it, or go to the salon with you to watch it happen.

[averagewriter777]

Ghost and Doc (Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader)

Masterlist

(Part Five)

“So, what do you usually drink, (Y/n)?” The question was asked by Gaz to break the awful silence in the car. (You’d think the radio would at least be playing some music- but nope!)

You fumbled with your fingers. “Well… I’ll drink anything, I guess. But I feel like my drinks are mood-based, you know?” Soap raised a brow towards you. “Okay- let’s just say that I’m down in the dumps, feeling miserable… I’ll open a bottle of scotch or whiskey. If I want to get wasted- which hasn’t happened for a few years, I’ll take some vodka or tequila. If I’m out drinking with friends and they’re having shots, I won’t join… because that’s a hangover and I fucking hate those- probably have a margarita or two. If I’m trying to flirt with a man, it usually works for some reason- I’ll order a sex on the beach… and he’ll get the memo.” You stopped talking when you realized Gaz, Soap, and Ghost were staring at you. “What? Told you it’s mood based.”

“We’re having some shots- you won’t drink them?” Soap said, albeit disappointed in his tone. You shrugged, then shook your head. “Damn, found our designated driver then. Hope you know how to drive around in this country.” You didn’t, but you’d figure it out. 

Everyone took a seat at a table in the corner. You and Soap were in charge of grabbing drinks, mostly because you wanted something different- as did Ghost. (The man was also still wearing his mask, something you were confused about, but didn’t ask about) Soap ordered a round of tequila shots, a bourbon for Ghost, and you surprised him by ordering Fireball whiskey.

“No margaritas?” He chuckled while carrying the tray back to the table. 

You almost snorted into your glass but remembered you were also carrying Ghost’s drink, so you held it back- not wanting to spill it. “Not tonight. You’ll witness me order a margarita when I feel more at home. My old team made fun of me for ordering those. Nice try there, Soap.”

“Call me John,” he said while setting down the tray. Everyone took their respective shot glasses and immediately downed them.

Ghost took his bourbon glass from your hand, lifted his mask, then took a small sip of it. You took that moment to look at his jaw and lips- because you were curious. Your gaze snapped away when his eyes lingered over on you. “Thanks for the drink.”

“Of course,” you raised your glass a little then took a sip. The whiskey burned in your mouth, but you didn’t flinch. “Why don’t you drink with them? Tequila’s a good time if you have enough of it… until the following morning.” You raised the glass to your lips again, watching Ghost sigh.

“Johnny told me once it tasted like dog piss. Seems like he’s changed his mind.” Ghost shrugged and took a sip of his bourbon again. “And I prefer bourbon, no matter what. Dark drinks I seem to enjoy the most.” He looked at what you were drinking. “Didn’t you say you only drank whiskey when you were miserable?”

You set down your glass and rubbed the edge, wondering if you should say anything. Both Soa- John, and Price told you to be careful… “Well, I’ve got a daughter at home. This was a poor time for me to deploy. Her birthday is tomorrow, she’s turning six.” Your brows furrowed. “A ‘friend’ has her gift ready… but I was hoping to give it to her this year. The last time I was there for something important was her first words and steps.”

Guess you didn’t realize you were being emotional as well as crying a bit, because Ghost had reached across the table to put one of his gloved hands over your own. “It’ll be alright. We’ll make sure you get to give her a call, okay?” You nodded and rubbed under your eyes then let out a shaky sigh. “Now, let’s go get you a different drink. You’re right about it being emotion-based.”

- (At the table while you and Ghost are at the bar)

“So, what do you two think of (Y/n) so far?” Price asked while staking his third shot glass on top of the other two. 

Soap added to the pyramid that Price was creating with his shot glasses. “Good woman, good medic too. Seems to be getting along with the team alright too.” He looked over at the bar, gesturing to you and Ghost, who were talking while waiting on your new drink. “Ghost has warmed up to her quick.”

“That’s probably the most surprising out of all of this,” Gaz said while scratching the back of his head. “Work-wise… she’s good. Can’t wait to see how she handles a weapon- she was a monster on that training mat.” He almost cheered out loud whenever there was an almost-win against Ghost- but this wasn’t a wrestling match, so he kept it to himself. “I wouldn’t be worried about her on the field so far.”

Soap was going to add something, but he shut his mouth when you and Ghost started walking back to the table. You raised a brow toward him but decided not to say anything. “Y’all are out of shots? That was fucking quick, need some more?” The men shrugged as if they weren’t opposed. “Right then, I’ll take these…” You gathered up the tower of shot glasses that Price and Soap created, put it all on the tray, then made your way back to the bar.

When you were out of earshot, the three men turned to Ghost, who went back to drinking his bourbon. Once he noticed he was being watched, he set his drink down and sighed. “What.”

“Just wondering what you think of Sergeant (Y/n) so far,” Price said calmly as if he was talking to a ticking bomb. “It looks like you’ve warmed up to her thus far, are we correct about that?”

Ghost grunted and picked up his glass again. The look in his eyes told Price that he did indeed not want to talk about it, but they were correct about it. “She’s alright,” he admitted. He wouldn’t say anything more, not to his drunk companions. “Excellent sparring partner… good medic too.”

You were back within that second, holding that *last* round of tequila glasses for the group. When everyone picked up their glasses and raised them to the air, Ghost included, you went to do the same. “To (Y/n) and the 141!” Everyone repeated what was said and took their shots. You and Ghost sipped your glasses- you shuddered when sipping yours this time.

“Ugh, it’s been so long since I’ve had bourbon.” You set the Old Fashioned down on the table and looked at Ghost, who was smiling into his glass. “Don’t laugh- that’s fucking rude.”

Ghost *probably* raised a brow at you. “You drink whiskey and every other drink out there… but bourbon is the one that makes you cringe and shudder? That’s all.” You took another sip, lifting your middle finger not-so-subtly at the same time. “That’s no way to talk to your lieutenant.” His smile had fallen, but it remained in his eyes.

You nearly choked on your drink. “I’m sorry- that’s your rank?” Ghost shrugged, and also made a face that said ‘you weren’t told?’ “Price didn’t tell me. Shit, sorry.” With that, you decided it was time to call it a night. “Alright, how the hell are we paying for this?” Ghost pointed to Price, who was taking out his wallet- but was struggling. “Alright, give me one second…” You remembered that Price had given the bartender the card at the beginning of the night.

“Closing your tab?” He asked. You nodded and folded your arms on the counter while you waited for the receipt to come up. “It was under… Price, right?” You nodded again and clicked the pen you were given. “Alright, here you go… just sign and you’ll be good.”

You weren’t sure how Price signed his name, so you just made up some scribble- kind of like a doctor’s scribble. It was similar to what your signature was, just with different letters. And you left a hefty tip, based on what everyone drank, that is.

“Thanks, have a good night!” The bartender was grinning at the receipt as he put it back in the drawer. Guess you left a good enough tip.

Back at the table, Ghost was getting everyone to get off their asses and out the door. You asked him on the way out why he doesn’t just drive since he only had that one glass of bourbon, but he shook his head. “I don't like driving. I’ll tell you where to go… you just go from there.”

A/N: That’s right. He’s a shit driver. Everyone has seen how he drives- right? That’s it. That’s just it. But he wouldn't tell you that, not yet at least.

(Part Six)

[hiraya-rawr]

I wonder what the characters in the sagau would use as evidence to prove the the all creator likes (insert thing) best.

I know the trope of them being able to hear our voices and music so I've been thinking about the music I listen to. I have a fair amount of Japanese music in my library. The rest is all english and the occasional Spanish song.

I wonder if Ei would use that as evidence to the other archons that I would like inuzuma best because much of what I listen to is in her nation's language. She's wouldn't exactly be wrong but I just think it's kind of funny.

"The all creator's favourite nation is obviously Inuzuma!"

"She's hasn't even been to Inuzuma! How would it be your nation, Baal?!"

"She listens to songs in my nation's language! It's obvious favoritism!"

(She ignores the fact that all the songs are a few lines of mitski and depressing vocaloid songs. She focuses on the one or two happy ones.)

She'd be disappointed when she find out I like mondstadt best because it's simple and peaceful. I do really like what I seen of Inazuma tho.

I feel bad for Nahida because I despise Sumeru. It's so goddamn dangerous and hard to navigate.

zhongli would have a lot of evidence considering he's closest to my heritage 😅 but i don't think i have a favorite nation 😭 i could say they're all correct tho (since there's always a little something to love from each country aaaah)

ON A SIDE NOTE, if Diluc tries to claim that i must like the dawn winery because i like grape juice, he is wrong. I ENDED UP LIKING ALL THINGS GRAPE BC OF HIM (i swear, i started noticing and buying grape products, i even bought quality imported grapes, juiciest grape ive ever tasted thats like thrice the regular price 😭)

and mitski 🥺💕 AND SUMERU BEING HARD TO NAVIGATE— fr 💀 i can't believe im still at 35+% something exploration. i sped through liyue and inazuma so quickly upon release (or maybe it's bc college took up my time? idk) i still love sumeru tho

[i-only-want-endless-happiness]

Since Riordan attended the Eras Tour let's talk about pjo swiftie characters (according to me ofc)

Annabeth= you can't convince she isn't a swiftie i know she is, but not many people know cause she thinks it's lowkey embarassing to be into Taylor, but she's totally a Speak now, 1989 stan she was screaming "Better than revenge" every day and every night when Rachel was into the picture, also she totally made Percy listen to "You are in love" cause it reminds her of them. Also also "New Romantics" is her anthem. She also loves "This is why we can't have nice things" cause it remindes her of Luke. I could actually go on forever but i'm gonna stop here now

Piper = duh of course she is, she is a Lover and Red girly, confused, romantic, hopeful in true love even after being hurt, she's on the "Paper Rings", "Me", "Lover" the song, "The Man" "I think he knows" ecc side of Lover and on the "The moment i knew", "Begin again", "Everything has changed", "The lucky one" "Stay,stay,stay" side of Red

Frank= i know in my heart, soul and mind he's a swiftie too, he actually takes Hazel to Taylor's concerts and randomly sends her Taylor's songs that reminds him of Hazel, he's the kind of guy who proposes during "Love story" cause lowkey is an hopless romantic. He was screaming crying every liryc of "You belong with me" at night in the Argo II when he thought Leo had a thing for Hazel. He gifted Midnights to Hazel cause the album is so her according to him. To me he is a Speak now girlie

Will= he's one of the biggest swifties at chb, there's literally nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. He's into her country albums more but actually lover all of her music, Taylor is his comfort singer (besides his mom of course) he's a Fearless girly and listens to "Fearless" the song, during long operations cause it helps him, "Hey Stephen" makes him think of Nico as well as "New year's day" cause he's a simp and "Dancing with our hands tied" cause that's literally his pov in Tartarus,idc, and of course "The best day" makes him think of his mom. "Change" and "Jump then fall" are some of his favorite Taylor's songs ever. I know my boy cries to "Mirrorball" and "This is me trying". You can't tell me he didn't sing "Our song" to Nico at least once

Percy,Hazel and Nico are Taylor enthusiasts, not quite fans but their s.o introduced them to her so now they appreciate Taylor too

Percy= he's a 1989 girlie, he loves "Welcome to New York" and thinks "Bad blood" is one of her best songs ever. After Annabeth made him listen to "YAIL" he fell in love wih it and it's now their song, he screams to "Haunted" when he feels disappointed by his father or by the Gods in general. He loves "The great war" too cause it reminds him of Annabeth as well as "Mine". And he loves "Long live" cause it just fits him and his story

Hazel= she's into Midnights (not only cause Frank gifted it to her, even tho that definetly made the album gain some extra points) "Bejeweled" and "Karma" are some of her favorite songs of the whole album but she cried the first time she listened to "You're on your own kid" so it has a special place on her heart. She dedicated "Lavander Haze" and "Sweet nothings" to Frank and it made him a bit emotional. Also she loves "Paris" cause she has taste. She absolutely adores "The outside" and the Debut album in general

Nico= i know what you're thinking hes a Reputation supporter but i actually see him more as a Folklore/Evermore girlie and a Lover one too, unlike Piper he's more on "The archer", "Cruel summer", "It's nice to have a friend" and "Soon you'll get better" side of Lover cause u know my boy is a little bit of a mess, and of course he loves "Daylight", "Cornelia street" (actually this song is his religion we know he has low self esteem) and "Aterglow" cause they make him think of Will. He thinks "No body, no crime" is probably Taylor best dark bop and obviously he loves "Gold rush" but i think he relates it back to his old crush on Percy, "Evermore" the song, is one of his favorite on the whole album, as well as "Long story short". I know Nico secretely cries to "Tolerate it". He dedicated "Invisible string" to Will (actually if you read TSATS without being a fucking hater, you'll know this is lowkey, very lowkey tho, canon) he loves "Peace" and "The Lakes" cause he relates to them deeply. I still think he loves Rep too like "Look what you made me do" it's totally his jam "I did something bad" is his go to song when he wants to be in a good mood and of course "Gorgeous"and "Delicate" cause he's secretely a romantic and down bad for his boyfriend.

If you don't know Taylor this won't make sense but if you have time and want new music give those songs a go, cause they're really good trust me u will not regret it

Just few lyrics to some of the songs to let u know what i'm talking about

BETTER THAN REVENGE= The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and, I had it all I had him right there where I wanted him she came along, got him alone, and let's hear the applause she took him faster than you could say sabotage

YAIL= One night he wakes strange look on his face pauses, then says you're my best friend and you knew what it was he is in love

NEW ROMANTICS= We're so young but we're on the road to ruin we play dumb but we know exactly what we're doing we cry tears of mascara in the bathroom honey, life is just a classroom

TIWWCHNT= It was so nice being friends again there I was giving you a second chance but you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand

THE MAN= I'm so sick of running as fast as I can wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man and I'm so sick of them coming at me again cause if I was a man then I'd be the man

TLO= And they tell you that you're lucky, but you're so confused cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used

YBWM= I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night i'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry and I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams think I know where you belong think I know it's with me

FEARLESS= And I don't know how it gets better than this you take my hand and drag me head first fearless and I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress

HEY STEPHEN= Hey Stephen, i know looks can be deceiving but i know i saw a light in you [...] cause i can't help it if you look like an angel can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so come feel this magic i've been feeling since I met you

DWOHT= I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us so, baby, can we dance through an avalanche? And say, say that we got it i'm a mess, but i'm the mess that you wanted

MIRRORBALL= I'm still a believer but I don't know why i've never been a natural all I do is try, try, try

TIMT= They told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad i have a lot of regrets about that i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here

Bad Blood= Now we got problems and I don't think we can solve 'em you made a really deep cut and baby, now we got bad blood

TGW= We can plant a memory garden say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair there's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair and we will never go back to that bloodshed, crimson clover the worst was over my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the Great War

BEJEWELED= Best believe I'm still bejeweled when I walk in the room i can still make the whole place shimmer

KARMA= Ask me what I learned from all those years ask me what I earned from all those tears ask me why so many fade, but I'm still here

YOYOK= Everything you lose is a step you take so make the friendship bracelets take the moment and taste it you've got no reason to be afraid you're on your own, kid yeah, you can face this you're on your own, kid you always have been

THE OUTSIDE= I've been a lot of lonely places i've never been on the outside

THE ARCHER= Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? Dark side, I search for your dark side but what if I'm alright, right, right, right here? And I cut off my nose just to spite my face then I hate my reflection for years and years

CORNELIA STREET= And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends id never walk Cornelia Street again that's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

AFTERGLOW= I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue put you in jail for something you didn't do i pinned your hands behind your back, thought I had reason to attack, but no [...] Sorry that I hurt you i don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you i don't wanna lose, i don't wanna lose this with you

TOLERATE IT= I wait by the door like I'm just a kid use my best colors for your portrait lay the table with the fancy shit and watch you tolerate it if it's all in my head tell me now tell me I've got it wrong somehow i know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it

INVISIBLE STRING= Time, mystical time cutting me open, then healing me fine were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me

PEACE= All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret the devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

LWYMMD= But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time i got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2023

What a weird year for pop music, full of strange trends, confusing garbage and unexpected hits. Once again, even if the charts don’t always reflect it, music as a whole is currently very interesting to follow closely.

Disclaimers / Rules:

I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these lists. There’s songs that charted in my country way higher than they did in the US, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

No song that I already put on a previous list is elligible.

No old hit song that is re-charting due to a holiday or a trend is elligible either.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible.

I have sound-to-color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

A lot of bad stuff happened to me this year (several accidents in a row, and also my cat died) but some good stuff too, thank goodness. I only went to two concerts this year (Bloodywood and BMTH), but they were both absolutely amazing. Pretty sure the Bring Me The Horizon one was the best concert I ever went to, actually, and there's a lot of competition considering all the great ones I went to in 2022. I'm just sad 100 gecs had to cancel theirs, I was really looking forward to it. Oh well.

Let’s start with the good or interesting albums that came out in 2023, and oh my, that's a long list already.

Albums

Starting as usual with stuff that disappointed me: Depeche Mode's Memento Mori was... actually it was all right, but I miss the days when I could get excited about a new Depeche Mode album, I really do.

Pink Tape by Lil Uzi Vert was a giant fucking mess. There's some absolute bangers on it, and then you get to the next track and it's the worst thing you've ever heard. Which makes for an interesting listening experience, for sure, but one I'm in no hurry to repeat. At least it's never boring.

After the Magic by Parannoul isn't exactly my cup of tea, but you should definitely listen to it once, I think. It's something special. It might grow on me, though, because I only listened to it for the first time last month.

On the other hand, I listened to Scaring the hoes by Jpegmafia and Danny Brown a while ago, and while this one is definitely not my cup of tea, it's also a ton of fun and I don't feel like a single second of my time was wasted on it. You should listen to it for the samples alone, and just out of sheer curiosity if nothing else.

A kiss for the whole world by Enter Shikari is a weird beast, because the singles are absolutely incredible, but then the rest is a big pile of nothing (at least in my opinion). But the singles, man. I really don't know how to judge it as a whole, the quality is on a rollercoaster.

Kind of the same thing happened with Electric Sun by VNV Nation, one of my favorite bands of all times if not my favorite, if you recall. Some tracks completely floored me, the rest was meh. Oh well. Noire was so incredibly good that I can live with an average VNV album dropping after it.

Fanfare by Dorian Electra was full of absolute bangers but... I don't know, there's some of the madness of the previous record missing. And yes, I'm saying the album containing the minion line (you know the one) is more serious than My Agenda. Go figure. But it's still very good!

Two different friends told me to listen to 4D by Blank Banshee, so I did, obviously. Great electro album. Send tweet

I'm not entirely sure what to think of Atta by Sigur Rós. I cried several times while listening to it for the first time and it's a genuinely impressive series of tracks, but it's also so devastating I've only relistened to it twice since then.

I only discovered Svalbard a couple of years ago, and this year they dropped The weight of the mask, which might be even better than their previous album. It's mostly about depression and trying to fake normality while being depressed. Not a very pleasant topic, and yet this is full of energy and... hope? Everything sounds unbearably bright and between the screams, you feel like everything will be better eventually. Great stuff.

Speaking of depression, there's also No joy by Spanish Love Songs. If you recall their previous album was my album of the year a few lists ago. Their sound changed slightly, and at times it almost sounds like The Killers, but not in a bad way. There's a couple of tracks I don't like very much, but the writing is still on point, and some tracks are among my faves I put in the "unelligible songs" part.

Census Designated by Jane Remover, on the other hand, came out of nowhere just to kick me in the face. I don't even know what to say about that one. Go listen to it.

I found Gunship almost by accident a few months ago, and they immediately dropped a new album, called Unicorn. It's just a huge pile of great synthpop through and through - if you don't mind a couple of really stupid lines (godddd that third track is full of them). The other downside is that it's way too long (more than an hour), and if it was up to me, I'd remove at least four tracks from it. Unlike...

...10000 gecs by, who else, 100 gecs. It's less than half an hour long and it's so fun and so varied in its sounds and so stupid while still being incredibly well produced. For the longest time I couldn't decide which one of the last five albums on this list was my favorite, and then I relistened to all of them in a row and felt compelled to play this one a second time after I was done. Definitely worth the wait.

Unelligible Songs

This is kind of a non-hits rec list of sorts, but you know the drill. I also have to mention that two songs from previous lists (The Magic Key by One-T and Dernière Danse by Kyo 2003 represents) recharted this year for some unfathomable reason.

Gonna start with my fave tracks on some of the albums I already mentioned. Because why not.

The only song I consider great on the Depeche Mode album was People are good which sounds like character development considering People are people also exists

Speaking of Depeche Mode, one band arguably out-depeche-moded them this year so let me introduce you to ††† (Crosses) with Ghost ride, Invisible hand and Holier

Lil Uzi Vert is next with Suicide doors and its deranged intro immediately followed by FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR BITCH then Uzi following that by stating they're the Crow. Yes, really. Also there's Werewolf, literally a Bring Me The Horizon song with Lil Uzi Vert on it, and if I had a nickel every time that happened this year I'd have two nickels, which isn't much but-

Wait let me interrupt this list with another song called Werewolf which I've listened to WAY too much this year. It's the kind of song you listen to ironically at first but after the tenth time that happens you realise it's no longer ironic and you love it for real. Seeing Motionless In White live kinda helped, not gonna lie, but still

For Enter Shikari, we have A kiss for the whole world, Bloodshot, and especially [pls] set me on fire, which might be one of my most listened to tracks of 2023, actually

VNV Nation had Wait, Invictus, and Artifice, which are all absolute bangers in my opinion. Ronan is angry and we love to hear it

By the way this year Pink released an extremely VNV-like song called Trustfall and it's very good but also uncanny

Kylie Minogue is also doing something vaguely similar with Hold on to now but in a more mainstream normal way btw

And then for something completely different, we have Dorian Electra singing about obsessive fans on Symphony, fame on Wanna be a star, and most importantly writing anon hate and immediately deleting it on anon

Run is the first track of the Blank Banshee album I rec'd and it's only one minute long so listen to it maybe

Technically I can recommend Gold if you want some taste of the Sigur Rós album but you need to listen to the entire album to get the full crushing effect

Svalbard isn't going to lighten up the mood with How to Swim Down and Faking it

Neither is Spanish Long Songs with Clean-up crew, Marvel, Here you are and Lifers, the last one being notable for having what's possibly my fave bridge of the entire year, and all of them for being endlessly quotable. Stay alive out of spite everyone

Also not lightening up the mood is Jane Remover with Census Designated on the album also called Census Designated

But what's this? It's Gunship with a steel chair trying to punch some joy into this list with Holographic heart, Nuclear Date Night, Taste like venom and Monster in paradise!!

And the gecs with a second steel ch- wait no it's a plastic chair shaped like a frog. Anyway here's Dumbest girl alive and Hollywood baby, and both of them go wayyy harder than they have any rights to

ok that was a lot of songs already. Here's Everything goes on by Porter Robinson as a palate cleanser

Also the first reggaeton song to ever end on one of my playlists, Sci-fi by Tainy and Rauw Alejandro

Also I'm gonna put a gif here otherwise Tumblr won't let me post something with such a long uninterrupted list in it

Ok back to the list of recs

Let's get the humiliation out of the way and say that this year I listened to Raining blood but it's super emo more than I ever listened to Raining blood in all my years combined

Oh yeah and Linkin Park released some old (finished and unfinished) tracks from the Meteora era and I'm kinda pissed off cause Lost missed the year end list. Fighting myself is excellent too, and if you want a really heartwrenching unfinished track, Resolution has a giant Chester-shaped hole where its chorus should be and the lyrics make it even worse. You're welcome

Possibly the most mainstream song on this entire rec list but I'm also pissed off Bad Idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo didn't chart enough to count for my top ten hit songs

I can offer you Eat the acid by Kesha if you want an awesome but mildly disturbing listening experience

For some electro/future pop here's Head over heels by Solitary Experiments

Wait there's also Bring the noise by Neuroticfish

Over is there if you need some Chvrches doing some Chvrching

Justice for Gladiator by Jann

Pointing at Even Jesus got the blues by Gabe Lee and saying I would listen to more country if it sounded half as good as that song, not like anyone cares

Holding on to nothing by Sierra. Send tweet

Northwind + Sky-colored dream by Strawberry Hospital and Parasite Heart is just seven minutes of cool pastel screams

And for an absolute goth banger everyone collectively decided to ignore here's Train to Harlem by Korine

I can't get enough of Nosebleeder by Lil Lotus and that's probably mildly embarrassing at my age but I've decided to stay mildly embarrassing forever

kisses by Slowdive if you want vibes and vibes only

Blood and sugar by Boys Like Girls if, like me, you want something that sounds exactly like The 1975

Choose your fighter by Ava Max if you want something that sounds exactly like Barbie Girl

I really wish I could explain what my feelings are every time I listen to The King by Anjimile but the only thing I'm sure about is that I'm feeling something a LOT and that it's terrifying

On a lighter note here's Mall rat by Durry, a very upbeat pop punk song about mall goth teenagers having fun and it's extremely good, listen to it immediately if you're having a bad day

And as some of you might have expected because of that previous gif, we're gonna finish with some Bring Me The Horizon, who have joined my list of favorite bands alarmingly quickly (that new album can't drop soon enough), and let's just say LosT and especially AmEN! were some of my absolute fave non-hit songs this year. Seriously. What the fuck was that.

And now, some elligible hits that didn't make the list.

Honorable Mentions

Tiki Taka (Vacra) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years.

Shining Light (Aime Simone) - I wish I liked that artist more.

Unholy (Sam Smith & Kim Petras) - At first I didn't like this one, and then I headcanoned Kim Petras as a girl in a confessional and Sam Smith as the priest on the other side looking concerned but also weirdly into it, and suddenly it was a really funny song.

Dance the night away (Dua Lipa) - I'm pretty sure that's the song Chained to the Rhythm by Katy Perry is talking about

Casanova (Soolking) - This is a borderline guilty pleasure, and also it sounds like Magic System. Which is a bonus, by the way.

Calm Down (Rema) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years 2: the sequel

Rush (Ayra Starr) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years 3: the sequel to the sequel

Strangers (Kenya Grace) - Very good low-key track to play when you're driving at night

Bloody Mary (Lady Gaga) - What can I say. It's Lady Gaga. It's good.

I remember everything (Zach Bryan) - And for "songs that would be on the list if I had good taste-"

Going going gone (Luke Combs) - The last cut from the list. Great earworm, good writing.

THE ACTUAL TOP TEN LIST

This is a very solid list, actually. All of these things are still on some of my playlists to this day.

10 - Bad Habit (Steve Lacy)

US: #39 / FR: Not on the list

This was the last cut from my 2022 top 10 and it was a painful one, so imagine my joy when I saw it was elligible for this year's list too! Welcome back, Steve Lacy, your little song is still an earworm and a half even after all this time.

9 - Cruel Summer (Taylor Swift)

US: #18 / FR: Not on the list

I have no idea how a song that rhymes "oh woah oh" with "summer" can sound so good. Well played, madam. Well played.

8 - Star Walkin' (Lil Nas X)

US: Not on the list / FR: #67

Not the best Lil Nas X song by a mile, and still quite good! It plays a lot at the gym for some reason. The hype is real, even after hearing it pretty much every hour on the hour. And despite that weird, weird line about his dad.

Very surprised it's not on the US year-end list, by the way.

7 - Vois sur ton chemin (Bennett)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69

If you're creeped out by the AI-generated kids in the music video, I think that's kind of the point, which is why I can tolerate it for once.

Anyway, this is a remix of a choir song about lost kids, originally from a retro movie called Les Choristes which came out back when I was a teenager. And now it's been turned into a somewhat creepy techno remix of itself, and you know what's bad about that? Not a single thing actually. Play it again.

6 - Fast Car (covered by Luke Combs)

US: #8 / FR: Not on the list

If you remember correctly, Fast Car was the number one song of the very first list I made in this series (1988). And since this cover is so similar to the original song, I considered making it non-elligible for this list. I counted it in the end but put it kinda low compared to the original. It's only fair.

5 - Anti-hero (Taylor Swift)

US: #4 / FR: Not on the list

I was pretty indifferent to this one at the beginning of the year, but it slowly but surely grew on me. Everything has already been said about this song. So yeah, it's very good. I like it. It's on the list.

Moving on!

4 - Substitution (Purple Disco Machine x Kungs)

US: Not on the list / FR: #56

Some songs just make you want to move every single time you hear them, without fail. The thing is, this one plays a LOT on the radio in public settings, so catch me dancing in the aisles of the local supermarket every time it's on. It's like some memetic SCP bullshit.

At this point, it should be possible to make a great playlist with all the best retro-sounding hits we got in the past five years or so - and yeah, put this one on it too, for sure.

3 - Miracle (Ellie Goulding, Calvin Harris)

US: Not on the list / FR: #51

At some point this was my number one, and can you really blame me? An Ellie Goulding song with a drop that sounds exactly like a Robert Miles track? Really?

Then I realised I loved Robert Miles' tracks because of that dreamy piano/synth melody they all have, and that this song only had a drop/musical chorus that sounded like that, so something was missing. Oh well. Still a fantastic dance track, though.

2 - Escapism (Raye)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

Welcome to the other side of most of The Weeknd songs, I guess, but that's also what makes this track so compelling. The intro sounds like anxiety, and even when the song gets more pleasant to listen to it just never goes completely away - just like in the lyrics, in fact. Well written, well produced, everything is on point and if I had better taste it would probably be number one on this list.

Alas, I am what I am.

1 - Just wanna rock (Lil Uzi Vert)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

At some point, this was the third song on the list. Why shouldn't it be? It's so brainless compared to Escapism, and laughably short compared to Miracle. It's just a fragment of a song. It sounds like the intro of a track that will never start.

It's also by far my most replayed hit song on this entire top ten list and I can't justify that in any way. So yeah, putting anything else here felt like lying to myself. The fact it never really starts also means the hype never really ends. Going "daaaaaaaaaaaamn" along with Uzi's distorted vocals is so satisfying.

I just wanna rock, man. What a vibe. See you next year!