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#do you know how much this is killing me
imwritesometimes · 10 months
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when other people in their 30s say they feel lost in their life/don't know what their purpose is/feel nervous abt life: ur gonna be fine babe I ❤️ you and you are fine this world is a hell hole and we are all doing our best you are fine you are valid ❤️
when I try to apply the same things to myself:
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#things are going good! they're great! and I am fine!#I think the worst part of all this is not actually having the ability to control like allllll this shit#like the shit happening in my life very much is also just kinda... happening to everyone.#wages are too low. impossibly low. hustle culture has rotted ppl's brains. healthcare is unattainable for real in this country.#but also like on my own personal end like this is so stupid but#not beingn able to actually write anything is kinda killing me#writing used to be what I'd turn to when I was so overwhelmed with it all#to have fun and decompress and not think abt that shit and how it feels like I'm living through the collapse of an empire#but now like. lmao besties. I opened my laptop last night for the first time in over a week#and besties. friends. countrymen. it did not go well.#I could not make myself focus on that shit for ANYTHING#I have lost 1000% my ability to write. and it fuckin KILLS me. it's KILLING ME. I am being KILLED.#like I sat there and could peck out a couple sentences and then my brain would be like#ok but no do something else now this doesn't sound good this isn't flowing right booo watch reruns#and I KNOW that the answer to this is oh focus anyway baby steps turn off the tv!#but the thing is I cannot write without the tv I can't it's NOT happening for a bevy of reasons#but also no matter how much I tell my brain like ok no focus now#it doesn't happen#do you know how much this is killing me#normally I can force myself to do shit. I forced myself to quit SMOKING.#I hate this shit it is making me severely unwell and insane and unstable and mad and depressed#and obv unhinged look at these tags#erin explains it all
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yrsonpurpose · 4 months
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"such a mouth on you!" 👀👄
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knifearo · 11 months
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i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as a binary i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as a sliding scale of "less" to "more" i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as the only two options i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as significantly different things i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as all encompassing i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as the two halves of a shallow concept of love that doesn't actually encompass anything at all i think we need to overhaul every popular conception about "types" of love so we can talk about things that are real and true for once
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romansmartini · 2 months
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have you ever seen two people more married in your entire life. please
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skitskatdacat63 · 4 days
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Vettonso complaining about each other not respecting schrondinger's track limits on the radio compilation + Seb's commentary that made me a bit feral
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Must include these sexy ass pics okay, it makes me feral how hard they race each other.
Also SO upset that we got this vid and there's also pictures(and presumably a vid out there somewhere) of Fernando, back then, ALSO debriefing this race. And yet we never got them together?????? Evil. Fucked up.
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Imagine seeing them complaining about each other but also having to (begrudgingly if you're Fernando) compliment each other IN FRONT of each other. Maybe its a good thing it doesn't exist, bcs then I'd have a heart attack.
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sysig · 6 months
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“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)
Bonus:
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Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c#As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around!#Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins#Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol#But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship!#And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots#Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own#Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪#He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes#''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly''#I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her-#Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person#''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :)#Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't#It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot#Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time#Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently#I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe#And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe
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TFA Blitzwing
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quasarifxxy · 1 year
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This episode was so painful (to us viewers and) for BOTH parents
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Misaki realizing that they have almost everything she can’t provide Miri. from all types of clothing, to a room filled with everything the child wants, Misaki realized that this place has everything she couldn’t afford. In her eyes, this is paradise for a child like Miri. 
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But if there’s anything Kazuki and Rei can’t do, it’s to provide Miri a normal life. One devoid of lies and danger. If they choose to keep this up, it will hurt them all in the long run.
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pinkd3mon · 10 months
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Gardening pals
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treasureplcnet · 7 months
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btw i love revenge stories i dont think anyone should ever move on peacefully. a bit obsessed with the way weissman went to the synagogue and rabbi and asks, "my choices killed a child. would god take mercy on someone like me?" and the rabbi says "it's not god's mercy you should look for. its the child's" and like you think that would spur this man into charitable activities and to maybe look out for orphans but instead he goes on a 24 hour revenge bender that ultimately ends in two revenge killings and his own death. what's better than righteous anger and wrath and love twisting someone into the worst but also a truer version of themselves <3
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niinnyu · 26 days
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Here's why I think the Gojo bait is not great writing and why you should maybe think so too (Spoilers till jjk 260).
We've spent the last few chapter consistently establishing a few things about our protagonist (Yuuji) and our antagonist(Sukuna).
1. Yuuji's father's soul is a reincarnation of Sukuna's twin: This instantly creates a connection between Sukuna and Yuuji.
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As if you needed one outside of Sukuna's constant mockery of his former vessel's lack of "competance", and that most of yuuji's biggest losses can be attributed to Sukuna, building his wrath brick by brick. But surely adds to it all.
2. Yuuji feels incredibly lonely right now: Anyone he's created any sort of meaningful (?) Bond with outside of just 'hey you're an ally I can fight alongside with' is currently either dead or greatly incapacitated.
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3. Also ofc the absolute damage that Yuuji has started incurring on sukuna. Damage that the slew of sorcerors before him couldn't. Forget about everyone teaching him abou love, Yuuji will show him Burning Rage.
This while also having hinted at Yuuji being possibly strong enough to do so on his own. He can go head to head with the King Of Curses with or without the help of his fellow sorcerors once he is able to harness this power.
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Anything that was Gojo vs Sukuna feels absolutely irrelevant with the build up that Gege themself has been creating through the past few chapters.
Gojo's form right at the end of the chapter undercuts the pacing completely. Readers are more interested in those last 2 panels of Gojo which are completely removed from and rather jarring to the buildup between Yuuji and Sukuna. Fan interest in Gojo isn't their fault because that's what the chapter makes you focus on.
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The only way I see this continue the buildup is if this is somehow Yuuji's doing or done with his knowledge, in which case it'd have been better to end the chapter by showing that Yuuji is aware of it and has an ace up his sleeve, bringing it back to the 2 relevent characters, and for people to stew in what Yuuji could be up to for a week.
But no matter what Gojo's visage there means, Yuuji in this moment has been so greatly undermined, not by his lack of strength, not by Sukuna outright demeaning him, but by the writing itself. By Gege.
And oh, how Yuuji deserves better.
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mishapen-dear · 5 months
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tbh i think that even unwinnable fights should be winnable. some of the BEST fights i've ever run as a dm were ones i built kill the players (in a fun way. I had some cutscenes prepped so even the loss would be a different flavour of win)- but then they were clever bastards and managed to either win the fights or pull themselves out of trouble. I think it's perfectly fine to plan for a fight that players aren't supposed to win, but you need to let them. if they can't win, they can't lose, and the meaning of that encounter is diminished. do that too many times, and they stop trusting you to give them roleplay prompts and start expecting to sit there waiting while you drive the story for them.
but if they can win... if there is always the chance to win, no matter how impossible the odds, then they ALWAYS have hope. they always get invested. they feel the big emotions of success or the big emotions of failure, and you fucking Win as a dm/roleplay prompter/lead bastard.
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marshmallowgoop · 1 month
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No matter how special it is, a kid's lunch is still just a kid's lunch.
I dunno, I liked "The Genius Restaurant" (Episode 1,089).
Happy (belated) birthday, Jimjam.
[Song link] [YouTube link]
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kurtsascot · 3 months
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Ugh, As If!
read klueless, a klaine!clueless au, on ao3!!!!
HQ Version of Cover Art ; Art Ref Image
Summary: It’s 1995. Kurt’s a senior at McKinley High, and he’s looking to lose his virginity and get his love life in order before he goes off to college.
Unfortunately, Blaine, the pretentious son of Burt’s ex-wife, is in Lima to intern for Burt’s congressional reelection campaign, and Kurt is stuck dealing with him until the election is over.
Art: alice / @warblercore @mistyintherivers
Rating: M*
Key Tags: enemies to lovers, but its more like, oblivious idiots to lovers, kurt’s more oblivious than blaine, romcom shenanigans, 90s slang, humor, virginity, falling in love, forced proximity, first time*, pining, hurt/comfort, fluff, slowburn, kind of ?, internalized homophobia, period appropriate homophobia but like…as little as possible, klaine endgame
Soundtrack (updated as chapters go live)
closeups under the read more !!
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[CN] Li Zeyan’s Reliance Date (Eng Translation)
⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 依靠之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡
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⚠️ Additional Warning ⚠️ while the entire date is not spice-themed, but the steamy parts are borderline dangerous and highly not recommended if you don’t qualify for the 17+ age rating (CN server). so, the call is yours~ :>
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【Subbed Video】
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【Chapter 1】 
MC: [on the call] …We need to find some local media outlets that we can potentially partner with for our ad campaign ASAP.
MC: [on the call]  Also, email me a copy of the revised design proposal for the main exhibit booth.
As soon as I hang up the phone, a flurry of work notifications causes my phone to vibrate again. I roll over on the soft couch and can’t help but heave a sigh.
MC: Sigh…
[MC’s Company Name] has undertaken several major projects this year, and all of them have been executed very successfully. The company’s reputation is also gradually expanding beyond Loveland City.
Last month, our company bid for a large-scale project in collaboration with Copenhagen City Council and Loveland City, and I worked overtime for over a month for this.
However, just as we were about to secure the project smoothly, we were maliciously intercepted by the competing company Shuanjian Media. In the end, it was due to LFG stepping in that we were able to resolve the situation with a narrow escape.
Even though the project has been secured, a lingering sense of defeat from being backstabbed and making critical errors remains with me, refusing to dissipate from my mind.
Perhaps because of this, I’ve recently spent the majority of my time being on top of all kinds of tedious work, afraid that if I don’t handle them in time, it will lead to further consequences.
The sound of steady footsteps gradually draws near, and I turn my head to see Li Zeyan walking towards me. He places a cup of hot Longan tea on the coffee table next to me.
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LZY: This is already the eighth time a certain someone has sighed tonight. What’s so thorny about the project that got you on edge?
I put my phone down and, somewhat coquettishly, open my arms toward the person in front of me.
MC: We’re planning an exhibition for the project in Copenhagen. Just finalized the venue today and now ironing out the details.
He readily responds to my cue and enfolds me in his arms. His fingers trace their way up my neck, massaging the skin there in a soothing manner.
LZY: If I remember correctly, the preparation period for this exhibition is quite long, and there’s no need for your recent overtime to catch up on the schedule.
MC: You’re right, but the coordination needed for various aspects of a multinational project is quite intricate. Starting earlier allows more elbow room…
MC: Plus, the reason I’ve been working overtime isn’t just for this project. The business interview you’re starring in will also be recorded tomorrow.
MC: It’s the final episode of the year, so I cannot afford any slip-ups!
LZY: You’ve already confirmed the program sequence with me three times today. What could possibly go wrong?
While speaking, Li Zeyan sits down next to me and draws me into his arms.
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MC: After all, the external press would absolutely kill to have their names in the show where the CEO Li of LFG is making an appearance. So, I definitely need to be 200% cautious.
Nestled in his embrace, breathing in his familiar scent, I make a conscious effort to relax my somewhat tired brain.
LZY: If you encounter any difficulties, reach out to me at any time.
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MC: I’m facing difficulties right now, and I’m in urgent need of CEO Li’s encouragement!
I pucker my lips and lift my head to approach him. The corners of Li Zeyan’s lips curl up slightly, and he lowers his head–– a soft, warm touch descends before leaving just as quickly.
Though fleeting, the tenderness of the moment washes over my heart. I nuzzle his chin with the tip of my nose, feeling perfectly content.
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LZY: [chuckles indulgently] Dummy, you’re so easily satisfied.
MC: Why wouldn’t I be? What could be more soothing than a kiss from CEO Li?
MC: As for work matters… CEO Li has already helped me a lot, so I’ll work hard and handle the rest on my own!
LZY: We’ll talk about the “working hard” part later. But if you keep dawdling like this, the bathtub is gonna need a refill of hot water.
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MC: Hehe, right now, you should say something like, “Honey, it’s bath time~”
LZY: …
Ignoring the speechless look in his eyes, I lazily shift my position and nuzzle his neck, then stand up with a smile.
MC: Would you like to join me for some relaxation time?
I notice that his fingertips seem to tense up for a moment. Before he can really come and “arrest” me, I make a face at him and dash into the bathroom.
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【Chapter 2】
Soaking in the warm bath, I feel the fatigue in my body dissolving into the water.
Just as I’m about to use my phone to find a drama to watch and completely clear my mind, work messages begin popping up one after another on the screen, and I subconsciously click on them.
MC: [to herself] So, the collaboration partner we agreed on before has backed out…?
As part of our tourism project with Denmark, we are planning to establish recreational and promotional zones in both cities, and we have found an experienced collaborator in the relevant field to partner with.
MC: [to herself] Everything was already talked through and all set, so why are they bringing up issues with the company’s capital chain at this critical juncture?
I feel my insides somewhat burning with rage, so I give Anna a call. She also sounds just as angry and swiftly catches me up to speed on the situation.
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Anna: [on the call] I did some digging, and it turns out one of the shareholders of this company has a very close personal relationship with the owner of Shuangjian Media.
MC: [on the call] Shuangjian Media?
Isn’t that the black-hearted company that tried to sabotage our tourism project?
Anna: [on the call] We initially partnered with them because of their experience in cross-border tourism projects, but now wrangling with them is more cumbersome than it’s worth. I think it might be better to take this opportunity to switch to another company.
MC: [on the call] …let me think about it.
I release a sigh and hang up the phone, then bury my face in the water, blowing bubbles as a mild head throbbing creeps over me.
The perfect company… As I ponder on this matter, a face flashes through my mind.
As a matter of fact, I have casually mentioned this project to Li Zeyan before, but he didn’t show much interest in it.
Should I… go ask him?
Even though I know in my heart–– LFG is the ideal choice that can’t go wrong, for some reason, I can’t seem to bring myself to voice my thoughts.
I can’t always turn to Li Zeyan to help resolve my problems every time I run into one.
No longer in the mood to soak in the warm bath, I reach for the shampoo and press the nozzle, intending to wash up as quickly as possible.
I press down hard twice, but the bottle only emits a sputtering sound, and the last remaining bit of shampoo drips pitifully into my palm.
MC: …
Akin to a sudden spark explosion, it instantly triggers a denotation of all the built-up frustration inside me.
I take a deep breath, jerk myself up from the water and throw on a robe, intending to head for the cabinet to find a new bottle of shampoo.
Little did I know, the moment I step onto the tiled floor, I feel my feet slip out from under me, and my body uncontrollably begins to topple forward––
With a loud thud, the immediate sensation of pain shoots up my knee.
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MC: [in pain] Hiss…
The pain causes my eyes to burn hot, and I slide down onto the bathroom floor, rubbing my knee.
A flurry of somewhat anxious footsteps echoes outside the door. Moments later, the door is flung open, revealing Li Zeyan’s face, tension written across his entire countenance, an expression that is rarely seen on him.
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LZY: [panicked af]  What happened?
The blast of cold air from the open door causes me to shiver. Noticing this, he closes the door before squatting down beside me.
MC: …I slipped and banged my knee.
As he looks at my slightly reddened knee, a hint of helplessness crosses his expression.
LZY: [sighs with infinite indulgent resignation] Restless.
His warm thumb massages the area around my reddened knee, causing the jumble of fretful emotions in my heart to instantly turn into a surge of grievances and pour out.
I blink, trying to dispel the mist clouding my vision. The finger caressing my skin pauses for a moment before suddenly landing at the corner of my eye, catching me unawares.
LZY: [even more indulgently] Crying because it hurts too much?
MC: …no, it’s not that!
MC: It’s nothing serious, just that I got a call from Anna earlier. There’s been… a minor hiccup with the tourism project.
Pouting my lips, I recount to Li Zeyan the “bad news” I’ve just received.
LZY: Do you need my help?
This seems to be the second time he has asked this question. I struggle with myself for a moment before shaking my head.
MC: There’s… no need for now, but if I can’t handle it myself, I’ll definitely reach out to CEO Li.
Hearing me respond this way, Li Zeyan doesn’t press further, and he simply places his palm on the side of my knee.
LZY: Does it still hurt?
Listening to his tender tone, I can’t help but gently hook my finger around his.
MC: It hurts… I can’t get up.
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LZY: [laughs helplessly] When a certain stubborn someone fixates on something, there’s no stopping her, but she’s oddly honest when it comes to being afraid of pain.
MC: I’m just being a little persistent, is all. I can’t always have you be my safety net every time there’s an issue… ouch!
My knee twitches slightly, and a dull ache once again surges through my knee, reminiscent of spreading out along silken threads.
LZY: You can’t solve two things at once, so take them one at a time.
LZY: Do you want to take care of your knee first, or deal with the work matters?
MC: …knee.
The air in the small bathroom with thick with white steam, and even Li Zeyan’s faint sigh seems to blend into the steaming hot vapor.
LZY: [lets out a complex laugh; it’s of sb who is all-knowing of all happenings but is infinitely indulgent towards you]  Then listen to me.
MC: [confused]  What…
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Before I can finish my sentence, Li Zeyan has already shown me through his actions how I should “listen.”
A soft touch imprints on my skin, and a burning sensation spreads from my knee along my skin to my entire body.
I jolt slightly and freeze for a moment. The patch of skin kissed by that softness tingles, and it seems like even the pain is slowly dissipating.
LZY: Don’t fidget; it might make the pain worse.
The deep, slightly hoarse tailing note of his voice, accompanied by the sound of running water, causes me to subconsciously draw my leg back a little, only to have it restrained in place by that hand again.
A gentle sensation, carrying with it a slight chill, seems to pepper its way over my knee, and the painful spot feels as if it’s being licked with cherishment and care.
All the senses in my body seem to be concentrated on that one spot, and I can’t help but take a light breath.
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MC: Li Zeyan… 
LZY: [SO SOF– but you can also hear he’s THERE–]  Hm?
MC: …It’s nothing, I just wanted to say your name…
The fingers supporting my knee tighten slightly, and a surge of scorching breath sweeps over me, swallowing my trailing notes.
I follow his breath and, bit by bit, probe deeper, my heart in my chest pounding in synchronization with his increasingly rising body heat.
Warm water continues to gush from the showerhead, soaking both Li Zeyan’s clothes and mine without distinction.
A body temperature hotter than mine gradually closes in, and I feel as if I’m drowning in this steamy heat swirling in the air.
The lingering colorful bubbles from the shower gel float into the air, then burst open with a pop, leaving behind a soft chime drowned out by the sound of water.
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【Chapter 3】
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Even though I gave up on the bubble bath halfway, ended up having to take a second shower, and by the time I went to bed, it was already the middle of the night, I still woke up early today.
[MC’s Company Name] annual business interview program is scheduled to shoot its final episode today, and Li Zeyan will be appearing as the heavyweight guest in this installment.
I have postponed all my other work and arrived at the studio early to ensure every detail of the shoot is absolutely flawless.
The soft white light from the softbox projects onto the light gray background wall, dimly reflecting the shadows of people hurrying around.
Standing in front of the filming equipment, I direct the production crew to adjust the set.
MC: This table needs to be moved a bit more. It doesn’t look well-positioned at the moment.
MC: Turn the reflector on the front left a little more to the right… there, perfect!
MC: The set is almost ready. I’ll go and check on the guest first.
After saying hello to the supervisor, I head to the dressing room.
Li Zeyan, clad in a suit, sits in front of a vanity mirror, his bangs swept up, causing his somewhat piercing eyes to be enhanced with an even deeper intensity.
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The moment I walk in, those eyes precisely capture me from the reflection in the mirror.
MC: How is the preparation coming along, CEO Li?
LZY: Not bad. Is everything taken care of on the set?
Detecting a hint of jest in his tone, I walk over with a smile.
MC: Yup, that’s why I’m here to check in on this side of things–– CEO Li is our important, esteemed guest after all, so we can’t afford to be negligent.
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MC: Therefore, today, my entire day belongs to you, CEO Li.
I wink at him through the mirror and catch a subtle smile playing at the edge of Li Zeyan’s lips.
I sit down on a stool nearby and watch the makeup artist styling Li Zeyan.
From this angle, his ocular orbit and the bridge of his nose appear even more defined, accentuating the depth of his eyes all the more.
MC: CEO Li’s side profile could outshine many stars on the cover of fashion magazines without competition.
LZY: [laughs in spite of himself] …always laying it on thick.
Even though he says this, the slight arch at the tip of his brows betrays a hint of delight.
Spellbound, as I continue to watch him, my phone suddenly vibrates twice, and a message from Kiki pops up––
Kiki: Boss, great news!!
In the chat window, a push notification jumps into my sight, and a few familiar words grab my attention.
MC: [reading the news] “Shuangjian Media Faces Major Crisis! Multiple celebrities under its banner are implicated in tax evasion scandals, and the investigation is underway. The amount of tax evasion has reached up to…”
Upon seeing the number below, I take in a sharp breath of air.
With such a large amount of tax evasion being investigated, it’s sure to land them in serious trouble.
Although I have caught the wind of some rumors before, suddenly so many people being exposed at once seems more like a deliberate action…
A vague idea surfaces in my mind. I instinctively look towards the man not far away, only to lock eyes with him directly.
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LZY: MC.
I haven’t even noticed when, but his styling is already complete, and the makeup artist has left the dressing room, leaving only the two of us.
The slightly slim-fitted suit highlights his already tall and straight stature, and his slender fingers unhurriedly adjust the cufflinks. He looks in my direction, lifting his head slightly.
LZY: Help me out.
I raise my eyes and see a rose gold collar pin loosely hanging from the collar of his light gray shirt. 
I walk up to him and carefully fasten the collar pin. My fingertips inadvertently graze against the skin of his neck, eliciting a slight quiver of the Adam’s apple beneath the collar.
A somewhat scorching breath caresses my bangs, leaving a tickling sensation.
LZY: [laughs in amusement] Why are you zoning out?
His warm fingertips are on my neck, gently grazing the skin there intermittently.
MC: Just saw some good news that came as a relief for body and mind, that’s why I was a little distracted.
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MC: Shuangjian Media, the company that intercepted [MC’s Company Name] before, has hit a roadblock… I wonder who “played the hero to uphold justice.”
I smile and wink at him, trying to discern any inkling of a clue from his expression that would confirm my guess.
However, he simply lowers his eyes slightly and looks at me, a barely perceptible arc forming on his lips.
LZY: [chuckles softly, but that’s a mastermind chuckle i tell you lmao] That’s quite nice.
MC: Li Zeyan, you…
A knock on the door cuts me off, and the voice of my assistant comes from outside.
Assistant: Boss, CEO Li, it’s almost time for the shoot to begin.
MC: Got it, we’ll be right there.
I purse my lips, suppressing my urge to inquire further, and loosen my hands, intending to escort Li Zeyan to the filming studio.
To my surprise, the pair of arms holding me within show no intention of letting go. He lowers his eyes, his gaze intent upon me.
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LZY: Given the importance of this shoot, there ought to be an additional step in the preparation process.
With his head lowered, Li Zeyan leans in towards me slightly. A gentle and familiar breath assaults my senses, and his soft finger pad presses between my lips and teeth, hinting at something ambiguous. 
I cradle his face and lift myself up on my toes.
Our breaths intertwine for a brief moment, but a gentle ripple is left in my heart, reminiscent of a dragonfly lightly touching the water’s surface.
MC: So, even CEO Li needs a little encouragement before stepping in front of the camera?
LZY: I learned it from a certain someone.
The light in those deep eyes remains locked onto me, shimmering slightly, radiating a glow that seeps into my heart.
LZY: And it’s very effective.
Such scenes are run-of-the-mill for Li Zeyan. His tone remains steady throughout and devoid of any trace of tension.
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LZY: The economic situation this year isn’t conducive to expanding the business scope or making risky investments, but there are more opportunities in the lower-tier markets compared to previous years…
As I watch Li Zeyan through the camera lens, the soft light, which leans more on the cooler tone, accentuates the depths of the man’s countenance all the more.
He speaks at a measured pace, but each word is uttered with an inexplicable sense of certainty.
Host: Although CEO Li mentioned just now that this year isn’t favorable for expanding business extern, LFG seems to be steadily venturing into new fields this year.
LZY: As a matter of fact, LFG has not been as stable this year as it may seem from the outside. On the contrary, we’ve encountered more crises than in previous years.
LZY: The failure of some investments has even put us under the preying eyes of many industry peers.
LZY: But fortunately, I’m not alone in holding up LFG, and LFG is not an isolated island––
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As he speaks, his gaze seems to subtly shift towards me behind the camera. In that brief second our eyes interlock, the corners of his lips curl upward into a small smile.
But when I focus and take a closer look again, it’s as if that fleeting smile was never there.
LZY: LFG was able to weather this year’s storms without any mishaps not only due to our decisions but also thanks to the countless colleagues who worked tirelessly day and night to recover the company’s losses, as well as to the support of our subsidiaries.
LZY: Especially the companies that LFG has invested in. Without them, LFG would’ve encountered even greater challenges this year.
Li Zeyan’s straight-from-the-shoulder remarks leave even the host a little taken aback, an expression of surprise settling on their face.
Host: It appears that even LFG, regarded as the lion king in the eyes of the others, has times when it rides the waves to advance.
LZY: That’s inevitable; no one walks a solitary path in this society.
LZY: Having your own plans and making decisive choices is important, but choosing the right people to move forward with is equally important.
I am slightly taken aback.
This was not in the script; it’s obviously an impromptu remark from Li Zeyan.
I’m not sure why, but these words suddenly make me think of those eyes gazing into mine in the bathroom last night.
The unnecessary persistences in my heart seem to quietly start to disintegrate. I tightly clench my fingers and pull my attention back to the show.
Host: We can tell that CEO Li is speaking from the heart. It seems that not only for the company but also for you, CEO Li, personally, do you have someone who can be considered as your exclusive “valued person”?
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This time, I clearly see the smile in his eyes. I hold my breath slightly, waiting for the answer that I may have already known for a long time, yet can’t help eagerly anticipating––
LZY: [while looking at you] I do. It’s a well-spring that will never run dry, even in the desert. No matter what trouble may arise, I know without a doubt––
LZY: [while looking at you] She will be by my side forever.
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
【Chapter 4】
After the interview concludes, the filming crew and I head to the Central Grand Hotel.
To celebrate the completion of year-end work and the official wrap-up of the show, [MC’s Company Name] is holding a team-building celebration party here.
Perhaps because the end of the year is drawing closer, a festive atmosphere gradually begins to permeate, filling the banquet hall with laughter.
Being spurred on by this pure joy, I also end up having a few extra drinks.
I find myself feeling a little woozy, until, finally, Li Zeyan takes the wine glass from my hand and escorts me all the way to the lounge of the suite.
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Inside the room’s bathroom, I turn on the faucet–– the cool water flows over my hand, washing away the slight tipsiness from the alcohol.
After the buzz from the alcohol has worn off a bit, I exhale and push open the bathroom door.
The lights in the room are not lit, and a familiar voice can be heard drifting from near the window. He seems to be on the phone with someone.
LZY: …got it. Email it to me.
The high heels under my feet tread on the soft carpet, barely producing any sound as I walk quietly to the floor-to-ceiling windows––
Outside the glass windows of the high-rise, thousands of lights spread out into the distance like a dazzling mosaic of stars.
Li Zeyan is lying on the carpet, the neon lights falling upon him in soft, colorful specks.
I sit down by the freestanding panoramic bathtub not far from him, watching as he hangs up the call.
MC: Was that about work?
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LZY: Mm. I heard [MC’s Company Name] is looking for new partners for the Denmark project. I’ve asked the marketing department to draft a proposal. Once it’s finalized, I’ll send it over to you.
MC: But… weren’t you not very interested in this project before?
LZY: It’s true that the profit margins of this project are finite for LFG. However, if we approach it strategically, it could be a breakthrough in the Nordic market.
Seeing my somewhat baffled expression, he raises an eyebrow.
LZY: Since a certain someone has been dragging her feet, I have no choice but to take the initiative and propose it myself.
LZY: Or perhaps you already have other choices in mind?
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MC: Of course not!
I don’t shy away from meeting those deep eyes of his squarely. My heart skips a beat, and I’m reminded of the question I’ve been holding back all afternoon.
MC: Before I give you my formal answer, I also have something I’d like to ask CEO Li––
MC: Shuangjian Media artists were found to have engaged in tax evasion. Helping [MC’s Company Name] vent some frustration this way… that was CEO Li���s doing, wasn’t it?
LZY: After all, a certain someone has been frowning and being glued to her phone even during meals for the past two weeks because of the troubles this company has stirred.
LZY: It’s best to take care of it early on, so it doesn’t take up more of your energy.
I’m momentarily stunned, and as I reflect on the recent events, a surge of emotions suddenly intertwines in my heart.
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MC: So, CEO Li, what you are subtly reminding me is that I’ve been too occupied with work recently and have been neglecting you?
LZY: [you can’t hear me, but I’m screaming––]  I simply want to have the share that’s rightfully mine.
His understated words convey a hint of tenderness that’s impossible to miss, and it sears into my heart, making the swaying toes of my feet pause mid-motion.
MC: Li Zeyan, thank you. Even though it may sound very formal, I still want to say thank you.
LZY: I wonder who was the person that said before that, you and I, we are one identity?
I’m slightly taken aback for a moment–– I did seem to have said those words not too long ago.
At the time, FengZhen Group was making moves against LFG, and I couldn’t be more grateful to be the one who could stand by his side.
[Tidbits]: It’s a call-back to Li Zeyan’s 2024 CNY UR: Burning Imprints~
MC: [teasingly]  I believe I said “and LFG” at the time.
LZY: [confidently shrugs off LOL] Same thing.
LZY: Both LFG and I are enmeshed in many complicated relationships, and more and more branches and leaves are slowly growing outward.
LZY: So there’s no need to be so anxious. You’ve long been the sharpest blade capable of breaking the siege for LFG.
The lingering haze that has been weighing on my mind for the past half a month suddenly clears up. In its place, there arises a kind of sweet and surging fluttering sensation, and it’s overwhelming enough to fill my entire heart.
I did seem to be a little too anxious, so anxious that I overlooked the fact that I didn’t need to be in a hurry to rush forward. The unshakable position by his side will always belong to me and me alone.
I lower my eyes, my gaze tracing the contours of his outline obscured by the darkness.
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MC: Li Zeyan… you will forever be my first choice.
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As the words leave my lips, my ankle is suddenly clasped by a warm, dry palm.
Followed by a sigh that almost blends into the night, a twinge of pain shoots through my calf––
My eyes widen, watching as Li Zeyan’s lips meet my skin and nip me gently. He raises his eyes to interlock with mine, and I can see a hint of dissatisfaction swimming in their depths.
LZY: [GOSH THAT SULKY YET SEXY TONE] You’ve hesitated for too long.
Warm fingertips trace upward along my calf little by little, as if offering a kind of appeasement.
The worries haunting me every now and again, concealed in the darkest recesses of my heart, are set alight and burned to ashes.
MC: …I didn’t take that long.
LZY: Since I am your first choice, don’t hesitate.
His fiery breath snakes slowly up the inside of my knee, accompanied by comforting words tinged with a layer of inexplicable rosy hue, causing one to become addicted.
The soft touch rests gently agains the bend of my knee, causing me to shiver involuntarily. I chuckle softly and look at him with a semi-playful gaze.
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MC: Um… Mr. “First Choice,” could you help me with something––
MC: Tell me, what can I do to make you happier?
Not waiting for me to finish my sentence, the pressure on my thigh increases slightly, and suddenly my body feels lighter.
The cry of exclamation hasn’t even left me before I find my entire person already wrapped in strong, solid arms.
LZY: You knowingly ask the question.
His deep eyes are so close to me, almost within reach. I can clearly see countless sparks surging beneath them, stirring up an ambiguous and inexplicable heat.
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LZY: [chuckles softly] Also, while I said I would help you, it doesn’t mean you won’t have to pay the price.
LZY: After all, I don’t do business at a loss.
LZY: You still have time to think about… what you can give to pay me.
My heart is filled to the brim. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, bury my face in the crook of his neck, and release a sigh of contentment.
The throbbing and undulations of his chest pound against my body again and again, and even the depths of my very soul seem to be trembling along with the motion––
Filling up my entire being.
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graveposting · 7 months
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the brainworms-
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