#dont worry about how this convo is happening its fine

[paranormal-potatoes]

Teague: sorry what? i was distracted by the 11 foot tall twink

Ornstein: what is that and why are you looking at me

Teague: a twink is–

Gehrman, shoving his hand over Teague's mouth: nothing. don't mind him, he's chronically stupid. it's terminal

Teague: *muffled noises*

translation: fuck you let me seduce the twinks

Gehrman: no. behave. or I'm telling what you did last sunday

Teague: *remembering last sunday when he accidentally broke one of Maria's favorite mugs*

Teague, muffled but loudly: FUCK

[cattywampers]

its not like a perceived sensation of rejection or responsibility for loss (or just loss Normal) isnt the underlying factor in almost every single non-dying loop or anything. surely that wouldnt be the case right. Haha

[seattlesellie]

You x loser!ellie go to the beach and ellie is already freaking out because you’re in a bikini but then you get hit by a really strong wave and your bikini top flies off 🤭

that is soooooo ᰔ ᰔ ᰔ

🌊🌊🌊🌊

like you and ellie go to swimming together in the deep ocean water away from all of your friends. and she has this little … salt water stache sparkling under the sun right above her top lip !! she licks it as you move deeper and deeper into the water, the sand massaging your feet slightly and the sea algae scaring you to death !! every time you squeal she cant help but laugh at you … maybe thats a little mean, but shes so so nice when she holds your hand as she guides you through the rocks <3

and imagine how cute shed look squinting because the sun is too bright !! tiny little droplets of sweat all over her forehead … maybe shes also a little sunburnt on her cheeks ,,, because she definitely refuses to wear sunscreen… and so as the shore seems further and further away, the parasols looking like little colorful globs the more far you stray, you offer her to jump the waves with you … and she obviously happily obliges !!

you have a casual convo about sea turtles and sea animals (ellie either is obsessed with sharks or she has a really intense obsession over some weird unknown fish. imagine like,, leafy sea dragon… and she has about 90 interesting facts to tell you about it too) and so— you’re jumping up and down, she obviously tried to drown you two times but we will ignore that !! and suddenly you get hit by an intense, large wave that makes you go completely blind… and the salt obviously gets inside your eyes and you cant see shit, you’re both coughing trying to balance on each other and then — shes the one who realizes.

you’re completely topless. she realizes because now, the strings of your bikini aren’t visible to her anymore over the water… and she’s just floating there (still rubbing her eyes) her face is all red wearing this panicked expression… so she goes like “y— your top” and you’re still kind of dazed…. so you ask her very loudly “what??” (because maybe some water got in your ears) so she stutters “your bikini… flew off” and you start running your hands all over your chest because how the fuck are you supposed to find it ?? and ellie cant even MOVE let alone maintain her feet kicking to keep her afloat. she can’t see them very clearly but as soon as the sea goes tranquil and the waves stop hitting ,,, she sees your the top of your nipple just above the water … and she feels like she might stop breathing. maybe shell drown, maybe shell get a heat stroke!

she lets out a long shaky breath and tells you “i can help you… look for it” and when you tell her she’ll never find it shes like “no— no its fine i’ll look under water dont… fuck— dont worry about it” so she takes a dip inside… and her heart is beating so so fast. you drop your hands from your chest because the last thing thats on your mind is the possibility of her seeing, or trying to look at them underwater… but god, you barely know her do you? because when shes deep in there, and sees you drop your hands to meet your waist— it’s like she needs to ask joel to give her swimming lessons again.

she suddenly forgets why she’s even under there … what… bikini? what even happened? the only thing thats on her hazy mind, is the two beautiful mounds and the hard nipples poking through, her vision is a little blurry, yeah, but she’s still seeing them, and that’s enough for her to start choking under water again, and feel her pussy twitch inside her blue palm trees printed shorts … she almost wants to just … pretend to be a sea algae. maybe you won’t notice its her hands caressing your tits, maybe she could get away with it. thankfully, she’s not… that much of a perv, so she just stays there for a second, feet kicking inside the water, and it’s only when she cannot breathe anymore, that ellie breaks her own trance and goes up for some air.

“didn’t find it.”

“want me to look for it again?”

⋆˙⟡♡

[etherealkissed88]

This anon↓

https://www.tumblr.com/etherealkissed88/726561206451732480/is-it-fine-if-i-feel-bad-or-upset-and-get-negative?source=share

Is it fine if I don't feel fulfilled for first few days is it normal? Cuz I started yesterday and it didn't felt that good but I'm sure it's because it's my was first day.

this is fine in my opinion bc the same happened to me once i started fulfilling myself in a new state. dont stress over not “fulfilling” yourself but the point is that you already have it. you either have it or you dont.

ways to fulfill yourself:

imagine your desired self in any pov and live life as you want in imagination, then accept it as true after you experienced it in imagination

listen to subliminals or your favorite song while affirming and/or imagining and/or meditating

imagine ppl telling you about what you have manifested (example: if you want to manifest a glow up, imagine your friends telling you “wow you glew up” “youre so pretty” while you thank them etc)

have inner convos with yourself like your talking to someone else, explaining to them all the things youve manifested and how good of a manifestor you are

script out your success stories like youre writing and bragging in your diary

once youve felt the feeling aka the KNOWING that you already have your desire, you are fulfilled. you already have it. congrats. if you feel like youre lacking, remind yourself you have it already and that nothing can change that because thats your assumption, and your new identification (you identify as the person who has their desire already). after you are fulfilled, there is no reason to feel like you have to do something else bc then youre not really fulfilled. its as simple as a decision. i have it now = i assume its already here = i identify as the person who has it. i dont need to worry about affirming or imagining for something that i already have.

you have a phone right now. ego can think “you dont have a phone” a million times and experience anxiety but either way you still have your phone right? another example, you can be in your room and think “i dont have a room” but you still have your room. dont let thoughts and emotions drag you to the state of lack. thoughts and emotions are normal and they dont mean anything. remind yourself you have it. decide that no thoughts can effect your manifestation. remember, you arent thinking those thoughts or feeling those emotions because you are consciousness which only observes those things so dont take them seriously. youve observed an opposing thought…okay. laugh at it and let it pass because your identity is the person who has it already. its no longer a desire, its now a FACT. thats fulfillment.

@etherealkissed88

[lunar-lair]

every time i think of system jason i think about. well first i think about how jason todd is a separate alter but jason todd is also the person because thats the name they own but the main host for like 20 years goes by jason and thats his name and. anyways. next i think about the ways he dissociates. but THEN i think about the littles/teens/even some adults that will only respond to robin or their name, and if they dont have a name, just robin, and maybe jason

sometimes its just a game of firing off names. some of them only respond to red hood, some of them respond to jason todd in full specifically, some of them respond to peter. theyre bad at names and in the early days its hard to figure out whos who (both in the system and out), too, so sometimes theyll just stare at whoevers talking to them with squinted eyes until they say a name they recognize as their own. some of them only respond to Specific Nicknames, some of them love people besides dick and bruce and alfred (and sometimes damian and tim and steph, but not duke, or...you get the picture) because they all love their family, even if they dont know them, but they dont Know Them. and some of them only respond to jaylad or jaybird or little bird, some of the older ones only respond to damian. its definitely a trial and error kind of thing. usually they can interact with everyone just fine, but some days they find jason in the kitchen and when tim tries to talk to him he looks away and creeps into a corner of the kitchen and they have to find dick and then bruce (bad choice) and then damian. its the trauma conversation but its also the memory conversation and the 'who are you to yourself and who do people know you as' conversation. i have a lot of thoughts abt jason w osdd/did (preferably did that sounds more like him) it does things to my brain. this post was supposed to be abt alters that respond to robin and then i just. kept talking. oops

oh my god the thought i just had. some of the littles dont know any of them and just hole themselves away in the library and everyones like 'ok has anyone seen jason he skittered off earlier and he looked fucking Scared we are Worried' but they learned early on that looking for him is a Bad Idea because hell get scared. so they just have to wait until jason texts one of them or smth like 'bad news weve got a new kid and they dont know any of you. good news we know what they respond to. bad news its a nickname from our mom most of us cant bear to hear. good news were getting them a name. bad news we cant leave the library yet. were alive though' and thats all they have to go off until he trudges out of the library three hours later asking what the hell happened because the little and a protector had a whole Convo then threw jason back in front to fend for himself

ok thats it this time i think. for real this time. anyways i have thoughts abt system jason if you have any queries please ask them i would love to talk abt him

[vanillaxoshi]

Ok the convo between Cahaya and Tok just had me crying….Ik Cahaya accepts the circle of life and death but uk it still hurts

Hey just a request can you actually tell the scenario when the brothers arrive and they see all the arrangement and a cutely sleeping Cahaya, atleast their thoughts and how overwhelmed they would be when Tok tells them that he had worked hard for their birthday and slept being tired!

It would be so cute and sweet!!!

Context

Note: this is before they went to databot

8:00 in the morning

eyes slowly open, he wonders, why is he in his room? wasnt he downstairs? when is today? he firstly took his glasses which also happens to be at the desk beside him, he sat up

he finally checked the time on his phone and realized

yesterday was their birthday. they didnt arrive that time.

all he could do was sigh and look blankly at his phone. he wonders if they're here now, if not maybe he should check up on them with the watch, if it could even reach them. He doesnt see Api, Air, nor Daun in their beds, he wouldve noticed immediately, they share the same room after all

he stood up and decide to check Petir, Tanah and Angin's room

they weren't there either.

well that checks out, they're not here-

He faces Daun, just as he was about to go down stairs

"Daun?" he spoke out with mild disbelief "i was just about to wake you up" Daun says smiling

Cahaya furrowed his eyebrows a bit, confused but relieved, all of a sudden Daun hugged him

"Thanks for preparing that huge feast for us, and dont worry we havent ate a single bite! we were waiting for you!" Daun told him, letting go of the hug he tackled him with

"you were waiting for us after all, its only right we wait for you to eat all together!!" Ruffling his hair, Daun chuckles

"Thanks little brother" He says with a warm smile

"dont call me that." Cahaya softly says

Daun chuckles again, pulling Cahaya downstairs

As Cahaya finally regained his footing from being pulled down to the kitchen, He sees his brothers prepping up the table, the cake in the middle has had the Candles rearranged, the plates and food lined up.

he was then, greeted with more bearhugs, this time from Api, Angin and Tanah. "HEY STOP IM BEINGSQUISHED HERE!!"

"Haha sorry, thats just a big thank you for all of this" Angin laughed

"aww you still have your heart despite all that darkness in it" Api teased

"sorry we didnt come earlier and celebrated on our actual birthdate, but we'll make up for it right now, wha'd you say we blow the candles now?" Tanah calmly spoke out

"i got the camera ready!!" Ochobot cheered out

"I've got the lighter" tok Aba said as he came in the room

"OH! Atok let me do it!!" Api exclaims point ing at himself while approaching the old man, but before Atok could reply tanah had already grabbed Api by his shirt and pulled the flailing Api away

Cahaya let out a snort watching the entire scenario

he was called by Daun to sit down by the cake, he smiled brightly running up to him.

the candles are lit each by color, as every year, the way they blew their candles are one by one

"one!" Petir shouted before blowing his yellow Candle

"two!" Angin shouted before blowing his purple Candle

"three!" Tanah shouted before blowing his brown Candle

"four!" Api shouted before blowing his red Candle

"Five!" Air shouted before blowing his blue Candle

"six!" Daun shouted before blowing his green Candle

"seven!" Cahaya shouted before blowing his white Candle

After that they shout altogether"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" before they would start eating.

Cahaya smiled brightly, he enjoys everything about this. It lofted his entire spirit from yesterday

It might not be their actual birthdate but, theyre here, as long as theyre here. Hes fine.

.

.

.

"We havent really spending that much time with you lately." Petir spoke up walking towards the glasses wearing boy

"you think?" replied Cahaya

"sorry" Cahaya was caught off guard by that reply, usually, Petir would be mad by his snarky remarks or tone

"we'll make it up to you, i heard there would be a mission we would be involved in. After some thinking, and talking with tanah, We'll let you be involved in missions, physically." Petir spoke in such a soft spoken way, when he looked at Cahaya, he saw what he expected, what he wont admit he missed,

A big bright smile and glowing eyes that reminded him of the boy who would always love to share everything with them

"Really??" Cahaya says in full ecstasy

Petir nodded, Cahaya immediately hugged Petir, Petir could only so return it back. "I promise you." Petir says

As they let go, Petir kept the conversation going "since your the 'informant' of tapops or smth... Can you tell me something about tapops? Spill their dark secrets to me." He knugged the boy with his elbow as he continues to kid around

"sorry, Even to family members thats classified!" Cahaya teased as he ate his cake

"oh really, shame." Petir chuckled as he replied

"what about space?"

"really?"

"go ahead"

"Well, did you know space is above or below negative 400 Fahrenheit?"

"that's cold"

"according to some information Tapops had recorded, some froze almost immediately just by stepping out to space unprotected"

"mhm"

"well by our earth recordings, it is negative 400 degrees Fahrenheit, but i think the tempeture is written differently in a book from Tapops, i dont know what it is so i guess i'll have to research more about it"

The conversation went out long, through all of Cahaya's ramblings, Petir never once looked bored, infact he stops Cahaya time to time by asking questions, and Cahaya would happily answer them

The conversation would only fully stop once Atok called the brothers in to create a video to send to their father

"HI ABA!!!"

"We turned 15 yesterday!!!"

"we were late and a bunch but Cahaya fixed up something for all of us!!"

"wish your here aba!!"

They continued for the next hour or so talking about anything to the video, sadly the video had reached its limit and they had to stop. The rest of the day was calm relaxation few events, like kokotiam coming in with presents and the septuplets opening them up with little banters and teasing

They all decided to sleep together in the living room that night, they slept peacefully

[uniquezombiedestiny]

🟠 Orange- What is a trait your OC hides about themself from others? Do they refuse to acknowledge it or begrudgingly accept it?

also green ball

for mae

🟠 Orange- What is a trait your OC hides about themself from others? Do they refuse to acknowledge it or begrudgingly accept it?

the fact that the horrors are/their ptsd is affecting them. its a bit muddy, since they talked to poussey and went to merry (silverer) for their nightmares of the eye, but i have to say they did never truly admit how troubled they were by them. it almost sounds positive, with esoteric and scientific descriptions. she never admits that its hurting her. only in things like "it just feels as if i'm being watched sometimes" (read: all the time), "i was awakened... a few minor times that night" (read: i barely slept, its clear in my eyes), etc etc.

the eye and it's whole religious thing is all in maes head (excluding the minor mystery effects it has on others, i dont have an explanation yet but its cool as hell). she hasnt realized it's just her trying to rationalize what the fuck she saw as she died, and trying to make sense of it/find someone who understands.

in the end, they havent accepted it yet. even if inside they know, they refuse to look it's way, and dont want to accept that they're hurting. it's all fine, always has been! don't worry about her :)

🟢 Green- What is considered a weakness in your OC that is actually a strength? What is a strength in your character that can be twisted into a weakness?

hmmm... id say her love for animals but idk how many would see it as a weakness. OH i got it her subtlety and like. quietness. there's a lot of details she leaves out, and she's pretty observant of others, trying to get info out of them. it may make her offputting or a bad convo partner sometimes, but she can get quite a lot of secrets just from lettings others ramble.

her daringness/endurance can be twisted into a weakness. see: the starved war (she flew into the damn sun and it fucked her up). + being reckless can be dangerous in general. like from the spider church place, where the like-12-spider-amalgamation nearly killed her, or when she was flying the airship on 7 wounds, or persistently chasing the eye and ending up hurting herself to get there. like. shes persistent but thats a slippery slope.

the way she treats the abnos in lobcorp is a double-edged sword. seen as a weakness, but can be both a weakness and a strength. she's nice to all the animals and has befriended kauket, but like. try it with nothing there and see what happens yknow. however she is targeted less and generally hasnt been hurt by the abnormalities much, so all good so far!

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e4 lb

WHAT IS GOING ON i dont remember that clip from the last ep but it's fine

taissa repressed/separated the part of herself so much that its turned into a completely Other Self

DID HER SLEEPWALKING TAKE HER TO VAN?

is it just me or is it simply the link im using or does the themesong sound... more sinister...?

apex predator (survivalist cannibal) shauna shipman is HERE

once again... a comedy<3

FRODO AND MISTY BESTIE TIME?

"it's pretty rare for a friend to so relentlessly have your back" ok so i have theories. 1) he actually is just a weirdo who is also on misty's wavelength 2) fed 3) cult member (unlikely) 4) forest-sent (unlikely but it'd be interesting)

i REALLY want misty to have a fellow morally dubious and hilarious bestest best friend but i ALSO know that we are in a tv show where things have to happen. so. im enjoying it while i can.

IS IT STARTING? ARE THEY FINALLY TURNING ON COACH BEN BECAUSE HE DID NOT PARTAKE IN THE RITUALISTIC FOREST-INDUCED CANNIBALISM EVENT OF EATING JACKIE'S CORPSE? LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO

"a contest" oh boy

its happeninggggg the splintering the division fairytale vs "logic" putting saint lottie of new jersey on the spot lets GO

cult convo in the carrrrr

every time a character takes their eyes off the road when theyre drying i think of that one time when frodo says "get off the road!" in fotr except it's "keep your eyes on the road" <3

oh lottie....

lottie speaks and all i hear is therapy voice like she DOES know what to say and how to think about things but only in the way that does not threaten the frame of mind she was forced into likeeeee god there's a lottie underneath it all just like there's a shauna underneath it all under the layers of bullshit and time they're still under there lottie pleeeeaaaase

THE RITUAL OF PREPARATION.... I NEED A MINUTE...

is that snow in the line of lottie's scar.... like the snow in the carving on the tree...

also tho if u think about it i DO get it like nat refusing to take the blessing bec she thinks its stupid and it doesnt work and the others believing that it means shes not doing EVERYTHING she can to feed them i get that i can see it...

"im a millionaire its on youtube" JASDSDKSAJFKDS?????

shes touching the mouse... if you hear yelling in the distance thats my mom saying "mice carrie DISEASES"

lottie getting tetanus so the group can eat... <3

NAT IS SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

LISAAAAAAAAA

oh lisa...

ok i do want to say. first and foremost. it is entirely possible do feel numb when they got on medication and im not going to discount that. HOWEVER. in my PERSONAL experience with depression, therapy, and medication... a lot of the times that "numb" is experiencing "stable" like you're not feeling the super highs and super lows anymore you've tapered off and entered a more... normal? ??? range of emotions im getting sleepy so i cant remember the name of it but my therapist has described tolerance and vibrations and whatever and when youre in a Downtrend you are depressed but when you're Activated (angry, worried, anxious, etc.) you're Doing things and the goal is not to seesaw as much so violently into both ends but find a safe middle ground where you're supposed to be able to manage ur emotions well. idk what's going on w lisa i cant speak to her specifics or anything but like . im fairly sure that the idea that medication "numbs" you and turns you into a zombie is not as common as media portrays? if not entirely misrepresented or a misconception? i could be totally wrong in that and am only speaking from personal experience so take that as you will

DID SHAUNA REALLY JUST ADMIT TO KILLING ADAM TO HER KID? THE SAME KID WHO SNITCHED ON HER? LMAOOOOOOOOOOO WE'VE STARTED THE COUNTDOWN BABEYYYYYY (maybe) (we'll havet o see)

"hes not a bad person hes just a bad criminal" LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIP JEFF FOUND DEAD IN NEW JERSEY

"i promise i wont tell anyone my mom murdered someone" im sure this will have no future ramfications atall <3 ever <3

oh im a fan of lisa its official im not letting her go.

NAT GOING OFF ON LISA'S MOM LET'S GO LET'S FUCKIN GGO

NAT PUT THE FISH IN HER MOUTH TO STEAL IT FROM THE MOM AND GAVE IT BACK TO LISA IM SCREEECHINGGGGG SHES CRAZYYYYYYY

mari caring more about the rules of the game more than not starving... eye see... also the moose may be a false hope/trap set by the forest but who knows<3

A PLANE? THE PLANE?

LEONARD????? THE BEAR??????

IS IT A VISION OR??????

GIRL SOMETHING IS WRONG!

GIRL WTF

WTF

WTF

WTF

is this the woods telling nat she should have taken the blessing...

jeff is right one (1) time youre really NOT supposed to let your kid know you killed people

im fairly certain thats not how youre supposed to treat hypothermia but what do i know. and what do they know too for that matter

lotttieeee...

WHOO---?

JAVI????????????????????????

VAN!!!!!!

well that was fun. i hope i can get some caps out of this ep if i can get around 2 it.<3

[enevera]

E F H U :-)

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

u ask this like ive completed a fic ever in my life hsabjdl

but yeah none of the fics ive completed are all that worthy of a sequel in my eyes ig, but i did have an idea for a sequel for aootd where quentin and eliot get back to their own timeline and have to just like figure out if the whole thing they just experienced happened at all. also is quentin alive? who knows, great question to ask someone not me hbjdfs

(dont watch the magicians dont do it if anyone looks at that fic summary and goes oh that looks interesting but i'll have to watch the show first stop right there dont do it its not worth it the suffering is not worth it literally DO NOT)

the rest is under the cut bc this got soooo long asbhjkd

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

jsdbnlkf okee taking this as a sign to talk abt my satoshouko convo thank u for enabling meee hehe >:D

“Stop that,” she says, frowning. “Don’t lie like that to me, it’s creepy.” “And you know all about creepy, huh?” he teases and feels the ground under his feet come a little closer. Unimportant conversation is an old comfort and he clings to the offer presented to him. “More than you,” she returns cooly. “Now get up. You’re coming back to my place.” She begins walking around the morgue collecting her own things. “I— What?” He stutters, all of him at once, fingers twitching and eyesight shaking. He’s still too many feet above the ground for this, it seems. “Why?” “You’re a mess,” Shouko explains, throwing a packet of cigarettes in her work purse; she has a nicer one that she brings out shopping and to cafés, he knows, that Utahime bought for her when they first started dating. The one she has for work is heavily worn and a dull brown; she’s had it since high school and they both pretend to forget where she’d gotten it from. “I don’t trust you by yourself and I don’t think you want to worry your kids, so you’re coming home with me.” “I’m fine, Shouko,” he tries to protest, but she shoots him a sternly unimpressed glare and walks back over to get in his face. “No you’re fucking not, don’t even try that right now. It won’t work. Besides…” she straightens up and turns away from him, tugging her bag’s strap up her shoulder. “You’re not the only one who needs some company tonight.”

okay on top of the brainrot writing this sparked in me my favorite favorite thing to write is characters with differing goals and they have very differing goals. i like when a character has already made a decision and i like writing characters disagreeing a bit. i just loveee when i get to write different motivations and i love them i love this convo and i like writing shouko mhm

H: How would you describe your style?

uhhh thats difficult lol but like i know i lean pretty hard into being very descriptive and i like a lottt of metaphors and imagery, but my main goal is always to get my mental picture across as much as i can, so i guess thats why. i like to keep dialogue on the sparser side, though. most of the time people dont monologue, so i try not to let the characters do it and i spent a lot of time rlly figuring out how ppl naturally speak so that i could do that ljsfdhb <33

U: Share three FOUR !! of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

djhbsvjhdfbjv uhhhhhh shit lolol i dont usually read all that much by the same fic authors bc i jump fandoms p often (before jjk anyway, usually hyperfixations only last like 3-4 months for me, this has been like. eight or so; not counting dr who i come back to that a lot sbhjkd), but i will try my bestttt

yukiiiiii <33 obvi obvi echo's writing is so good that i read their bsd fic and i know like nothing abt bsd sfjbhd

biscaaniii!!! admittedly ive only read their jjk works but theyre so so so good highly recommend!!

krissssssss!!!! hi hi hi kris writes naruto stuff but u should read it everyone should read it her writing is soooo gooddddd!!!!!!!

also u habibi bc though i admittedly havent read all ur fics the ones i have read have been sooo good i love them v much i need to finish the miminana fic and read the rest dbjhf <333

ask game!!

[cluelesslesbian]

hahaha

(ignore my tags- just needed to... vent rn)

[adorable-deku]

i like to imagine the way dfo is revealed is like... thru what starts as a totally normal conversation

nobody asks izuku abt his dad for Todoroki Reasons and also bc izuku never talks abt him so they assume its a sensitive subject. unfortunately mineta is an insensitive little bitch and asks one day while talking abt his parents, "midoriya whats ur dad like?"

and izuku actually seems totally fine talking abt him? he just hadnt before bc nobody asked. he talks abt inko more bc he sees her everyday and he only talks to his dad through phone call abt every other week. his dad often sends gifts tho like rly nice notebooks and weighted pens and video games and how does a regular businessman afford all that?

izuku's only answer is that his dad's company pays well. as they start getting deeper into the convo

"did your dad get mad at u when you fucked up as a kid? mine did"

izuku says "no i dont actually remember him being angry ever. now that i think about it the only time ive ever heard him be even slightly worked up was when i told him i got into ua"

they assume this being 'worked up' was surprise and excitement bc by this point they know izuku got his quirk 'late'. izuku gets this feeling deep down that it wasnt a positive feeling at all that his dad had

"wait, didnt you get bullied as a kid? wasnt he angry about that?"

that makes izuku think a little more bc that is weird.

what he did remember was, "he talked to the caretakers at the school i was in, and the parents of the bullies, i think, and it didnt happen again."

the mood gets uneasy after that, and only becomes worse as izuku thinks through his father from a strangers eyes and realizes the dude is really fucking weird

knows way too much trivia for it to be normal, too good at quirk and combat analysis to be a regular businessman, weirdly calm, always in formal wear(?) except for some of the ugliest hawaiian shirts izuku had ever seen

izuku doesnt have a picture of his father but with his hero sketching capabilities he can draw a pretty good likeness.

at some point bakugou walks in and refuses to get dragged in but says, "deku's dad? dude's a real fuckin creep. if you meet him," he thinks about it for a bit, "...don't. dont meet him"

aizawa is in some corner getting successively more worried as the conversation progresses and as the conversation dries out and the crowd starts going into their rooms

he is almost asleep when all might walks into the room drinking a cup of tea and does a spit take after seeing the drawing on the table, immediately followed by a bloody coughing fit

"who drew this?"

[saksukei]

seungcheol neighbor au

masterlist

it was no secret that choi seungcheol was the most handsome man to ever exist and also,,,, the strongest,, like he was a LITERAL HUNK

he lived on the apartment right in front of yours so you met him pretty often,, with just the occasional ‘hello’ and ‘good day’ type of convos

so you were heading to your apartment after being let off early from work because you had caught the worst cold eVER like literally there was snot everywhere and they were like pls go home

you got into your apartment, changed your clothes and grabbed fifty blankets and sat down on the couch

you had a really bad coughing fit,, and you were sure you were going to cough your lungs out at this point,,

seungcheol was going into his apartment,, lost in his thoughts,, until like he was interrupted by this loud and incessant coughing

but instead of thinking that you were like having a flu or something,,

HE THOUGHT YOU WERE CHOKING

in panic, seungcheol dropped all his stuff off at the door

and obviously, he wasn't going to knock

so yep

HE RAN AT YOUR DOOR AT FULL SPEED

AND KNOCKED IT DOWN

yes, your door was literally on the ground

only to find you, wrapped in five blankets, tissues scattered all around, a red nose

and you were like uh hello??

and seungcheol waS SHOCKED because he thought you were choking??

“um hi?”

“IM SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE CHOKING AND YOU WERE GOING TO DIE SO I BROKE YOUR DOOR TO SAVE YOU,,,,, OH MY GOD IM GOING TO REPLACE THE DOOR–” he rambled on and on about how he was going to replace your door and how he was a bad neighbor etc

“seungcheol, it's okay,” you smiled. “at least–I know now if I was ever going to choke, you'd break the door down,” you teased.

“oh god,,,, this is so embarrassing, I'm so sorry– I will get you a new door.”

“seungcheol, i told you, it's fine.” you reminded him,, he was literally beet red at this point. he had never been this embarrassed in his life and he was friends with hoshi.

“no I broke down my neighbor's door and it's so unsafe at night and you're already sick,,,” seungcheol started hyperventilating “i am so sorry–”

and before he started rambling again u were like SEUNGCHEOL I WILL DECK YOU IN THE FACE IF YOU SAY SORRY ONE MORE TIME

and he was like (((;ꏿ_ꏿ;)))

“but it's just–ugh–I'm so fucking stupid,” seungcheol groaned.

“you did the right thing,, please don't feel bad,” you comforted. “it happens.”

“i'm so sorry,,,,, I'll just drop my stuff in and spend the night here if that's okay?” he asked. “its not safe with your door down and all, and we can't leave the apartment unattended, plus you're sick.”

“dont worry about it,,,,”

“i broke your door down pls this is the least I can do”

“okay then”

and then, seungcheol your handsome and FREAKISHLY STRONG neighbor came in his soft pajamas with his hair all fluffy and his lil smile

GOD PLS HES SUCH A BABY

basically seungcheol looked so cute that your heart was going BOOM BOOM SHAKE THE ROOM

“here,, I got you some medicine.”

“thanks– um,,,, do you want to watch something?” you asked, as he sat down beside you.

“i'm fine with anything. I also talked to the landlord and he said the carpenter will be there in two or three days,” he informed. “so I'll spend the night here, to make sure no one does some weird shit.”

“thank you so much seungcheol,, you really didn't have to go through all the trouble”

“uh,,, I broke your door– I think this is the least I can do,” he replied and you chuckled.

so the two of you just watched tv, all the while talking about random things during the day

and slowly you started falling asleep on the couch right beside seungcheol and seungcheol just looked at you he was like wow

like literally ,,,, seungcheol had his eyes on you for the longest time but he didn't do anything about it and now, you were beside him looking all cute and snuggly

and he brought over a spare mattress from his place and slept on it because you were sleeping on the couch and yes, you're damn right, he's a gentleman

he even woke up earlier to make you breakfast

you woke up and you were feeling a lot better and you saw cheol making you brekkie

“seungcheol,,, why are you making breakfast?” you asked him

“you need the energy,” he answered.

“what about your work?”

“oh well, our boss gave us an off for the weekend,” he answered. “it is okay, right?”

“i'm okay with it,,,,” you smiled sheepishly

the next two days,, seungcheol slept on the couch while you slept in your room

he even made you breakfast and took care of you, made you laugh like

the only thing you were thinking about was how much this guy was boyfriend material and like WOW SIMP!

and seungcheol was just having the time of his life because he's with you

once the door was fixed, cheol was sad because he thought he had lost his chance, given that he did break your door down

“of course cheol,,, we'll be friends,” you comforted him.

“I was kinda thinking if we could be more than that,” seungcheol smiled sheepishly, his dimples showing as he blushed.

and you were like omg HES SO CUTE

“of course we could be more than that,” you got on your tippy toes and pressed a small kiss to his cheek

“hmm, maybe I should break your door down more often,” he teased.

“why break it when you can have the key?” you teased, leaving seungcheol's heart beating faster,,, than before.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Okay, Im onto ep 6 and I think I kinda figured out why I suddenly got so bored bc like. yea this is really boring in general rn but I wasnt that suffering this much when I started and I think its bc they dont have those cutscenes in the beginning anymore. I feel like those gave me a lil something to look forward to and make this a bit less tedilus but now theyre not there anymore :( also I really wanna see Zane again and it pains me that he doesnt show up until like ep 40 smth

Okay, I think I'll probably put a small timeskip here and do like the equivalent of a montage of Aphmau repairing her house n interacting w/ the villagers some more

So yea, Aphmaus moving into her new house, thats a good opportunity for some Aph/Emmalyn bonding and interactions w/ the other villagers. Also, depending on how this episode goes, I might want either Garroth or Zenix to help out too, but I'll wait to see how this ep goes first

Oh god this entire episode is literally just Aphmau moving huh

Maybe Aphmau built a lil chicken enclosure thingy during that aforementioned timeskip and some other stuff like more wooden paths n stuff

Anyway, Aphmau finishes moving in, maybe we can have some villagers like her friends n stuff wanting to celebrate that a little or smth but shes just like "nah sry guys, Im tired from all this moving" and takes a nap

Vischers death scene is fine ig?? I'll probably tweak it a lil bc it honestly just seems kinda comical the way it is now. (Ive read some of the comments and one of them even mentions that they laughed at Vischers death here, but that it was pretty impactful in the remake, so maybe I'll watch that for some ideas) I'll probably add a close up or too or maybe write that scene from a perspective that focuses more on him

Aphmau in the OG doesnt wake up from that explosion at the docks even though she lives pretty close by?? Idk, I feel like theres not really a point to that and I think having her wake up all confused and afraid, maybe going out to check on the village first before then going to the docks would be better? If we completely take out that scene of Vischers death and just see Aphmau sleep and then get woken up by this loud explosion noise, it could even make for some good tension

Also, theres this weirdo outside of Aphmaus house?? I'll move it back to a bit later but keep it the same otherwise bc I dont remember wth hes doin there

At the docks, I think we should linger a bit more on the destruction and just generally have Aphmau be a bit more upset but otherwise everything is the same, Zenix n Paul are still there even though its pretty late in the night/early in the morning (maybe add a detail abt Paul looking tired)

I'm keeping the Convo between Zenix n Aphmau as well as the one between Paul n Aphmau the same, but I'm switching their places so she approaches Paul first bc hes the civilian, he just lost his best friend and would probably have the bigger reaction and just be someone that Aphmau would be a bit more worried about as opposed to the guard who should be more used to stuff like this

So yea, shes still kinda distraught but goes over to Garroth like Zenix told her to, their convo is also the same as the OG

Aphmau accepts and tries to make plans for building a boat and for potentially rebuilding the docks while she goes around town. Shes thinking about how exactly she'll approach this bc building a boat is kinda difficult on your own but shes like not supposed to tell anyone else that this happened while walking around the village and sees Brendon, so she goes over to talk to him

The convo plays out like in the OG with her telling him about the docks but ommiting Vishers death. Also, it takes place outside somewhere, not just. in his house that Aphmau just waltzted into bc she can

She feels relieved that she has at least one person to help her know and decides that thats probably enough, maybe have her walk around and consider telling it to other people before she comes to that conclusion though

After that, she gets home and just keeps trying to think up plans on how to fix things, its p difficult when someone died and shes supposed to build a boat so she can bring his bff and his dead corpse home but yknow, she manages. somehow. Alternatively, she could have a sort of quiet reflective and/or mourning moment instead, Im not fully sure in which direction I wanna go in when it comes to her character

OKAY im done w/ this one I hope I can work up to at least ep 10 today

[ccsthemovie2]

(I think it's a word over 500, but:)

"Speaking of Tsukishiro, how's he doing?", Eriol asks. Frying pan to fire to volcano.

"He's good," Touya says quickly, before Sakura can say anything. Yukito is not even in the ballpark of "good". Yesterday he called Touya and begged him to bike over and said it was important and when Touya showed up he was asleep, and stayed fast asleep right through to the next morning. He keeps trying to make appointments with doctors, and then falling asleep before he can call, or, when Touya calls for him, before he can make it out the door. Privately, Touya isn't sure how much good a doctor can do for him, but anything has to be better than this, right?

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." Ugh, how much has Sakura told him. Not that she doesn't have a right to talk to her friends, but, come on, would it kill her to least keep it between her and Tomoyo and the funny looking cat.

He's good, that's an obvious lie. Ruby has said Yukito could barely stand upright at school. Every inch of Touya Kinomoto is packed full of magic. Sooner or later, Eriol figures, either Sakura will be powerful enough to sustain him, or Yue will have to get over himself and just eat already. Touya can't actually do anything with his magic, so it's not like Yue, even weak as he is, will have to face much of a struggle to take it. (Aside from competition with Ruby, of course. There's something to that, right, articles and studies about animals being healthier if they need a bit of careful planning to get their food? Yes, so this works out nicely.)

Or maybe- oh, that's probably it. Yue's on to him, isn't he? He's just being stubborn as usual, figuring sooner or later Clow will appear via Eriol and save him. He can imagine how surprised, overjoyed, grateful Yue would be, if Eriol showed up and saved his life. He can imagine Yue's head resting on his neck as clearly as if he had kept Yue well-fed with magic a thousand times in his lifetime. It would be nice, in the short run, but it wouldn't be right, no. Clow is dead, and Yue needs to learn to live with that. If he knows what's good for him, he will take responsibility for his own life, and if he doesn't...

Ahh, well, maybe it's Clow's old sentimentality, maybe Eriol is just warming up to Sakura's moon guardian all on his own, but he can't bring himself around to the idea of letting Yue just die. He'd save him, if it came down to it. But, he tells himself sternly, only as an absolute last resort. He's just worrying because he misses Yue and wants to get to know him better all at once in that past-and-future way- it's worth a visit, soon. Yes, a nice little visit, and Yue will never even have to know it happened. Just to check in.

(sorry the formatting got weird when i copypasted lol!)

hiiii thanks for the ask!!!

if we talk about this convo we need to back up and talk about how it got here. this should give you some idea of how badly this needs to be under a cut for length lol.

so it all starts with the bit about how someone falling and being caught is something that happens a lot in ccs. how with eriol, it's purposeful, and with fujitaka (and i misremembered it but since found out she fell *on* him and not *caught* by him, which lolol i hope he broke a bone, but also its fine the fic's already marked canon divergent, or maybe the story gets misremembered, whatever, in any case), it's an echo of clowriol's intentional artificial-trustbuild-dangersaves but without the magic or purpose to back it up (just like fujitaka himself!), but it's a situation he quickly makes favorable to him, because it may be a blank slate but it's made of the same material.

this whole convo was part of one of the very first chunks written, but everything was going to go in a very different direction at first. (there's a lot of Cut Content from this fic, some that i just didn't like, some that wasn't connectable with the rest of the fic after it took the shape it took but might pop up somewhere else one day idk). in this particular bit i cut the later half of the conversation because i really didn't like what i'd written, but then even though the direction of the story changed the conversation was still going so it had to bounce somewhere else, so it bounced to yukito. here we are answering your ask 2 paragraphs in!

yukito, iirc in the anime, did catch her from a fall, (in the manga, which made way more sense for why she had to change her clothes and rest so much, he saved her from drowning, again iirc because who can trust a memory) and at a point where eriol still has some investment in making yuekito/sakura (ewwwww) happen, he's going to try and draw on that symbolism to nudge her in that direction, right?

so all this said, SPEAKING of yuekito. how are they doing.

bad, obviously. touya's freaking out. i imagine that part of what's stopping yukito from seeing a doctor is yue, though- he knows it wont help, and i dont think yukito has, like, person insides that will stand up to medical tests, and yue would pick up on yukito like, not wanting to be outed to the doctor as a magic construct because he, like, doesnt actually have a real heart that pulses, just a repeating heartbeat sound. doesn't for real have blood etc to test, just records of blood type (for personality reasons).

and also touya's a very like keep-ur-problems-not-everybodys-business type so hes like imagining sakura venting her fears to this weirdo and getting pissed off. but that didnt actually happen, eriol knew all on his own lolol. touya you have to say something nice should happen to sakura to make up for wrongly suspecting her now

and this bit on eriol's end is all wrong information and inaccurate conclusions and i was really worried ppl would take it at face value but i hope nobody did. in ccs we get moments where eriol wants sakura to take power, or to learn that power can be taken- his final battle with her, for example, where the answer to his light and dark puzzle is to use kero and yue's power, except that's not something she would ever Want to do or would even Occur to her to try. the power is gifted to her by kero and yue (and syaoran!) because they love her.

same concept, here- the answer to the 'yue is dying' puzzle is to eat touya's power, and he can't imagine the real reason why he won't just do that, and when he thinks about it too long it goes right to his ego- yue looovvvvesss clow, and by extension me. he wants meeeeeee to save him. he wants to neck kissy MY magic soo sooooo bad. but yue isn't considering any of that at all. he's thinking about yukito and what touya means to yukito and why that would make yukito hesitate to reach out, and that no way in hell will he just ambush his other self's crush down a dark alley and take his magic, even to save both their lives. he's a lot more selfless than clow and eriol ever realize. maybe- this is just a half formed thought right now, i dont know if im like certain about it, but- maybe they feel his devotion to clow was a form of selfishness, that he Wanted Love as a thing he could hold and own, whereas pretty much everybody else who meets him goes like YOU SELFLESS MAN YOU CANT JUST DIE FOR PPL YOU CARE ABOUT YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOOOO

and there’s also that bit of teacherliness intrinsic to the three of them again: im doing this to teach him a lesson. im letting ruby do her thing without telling her what’s going on to help and encourage yue, etc.

anyway, that (in terms of fic weaving itself into canon) solidifies his decision to do uhmmmm a thing that creeps me out real bad in the anime (knocking yue out to have a moment with him, and oh, ding, there's another 'you fell but i caught you' moment!). eriol loves this manner of hanging out with people, you see it later in this fic, even:

It's important to say what's in your heart to the people you want to say it to, even if you have to make sure the other person never hears it. It's important for your own emotional freedom.

he loves to spend time with people exclusively on his terms, to the point where the other party never even knew he was there, because he knocked them out, or because he was just staring creepily at the outside of sakura's house while she did homework, etc etc etc.

tldr: it's all connected, aaaaaaaaa

[seoafin]

oo yeah, the stark differences in eng fics on ao3 and those that i’ve read in websites like pixiv/ weibo/ lofter/ typesetters is a high-context asian subtle/implicit intimacy vs low-context western loud/explicit intimacy (1)

tho ,, i think the setting (character + environment + time) and the prompt (au? canon? romance? slice of life? epic?) play into it. i think the differences that exist between portrayals of intimacy by east asian authors and by western authors largely stem from cultural philosophy, which could make some things jarring to those unfamiliar with either

tbh i'm the type of person who, when reading lit abt supposedly asian characters, would appreciate the story more if it was also true to the characters' culture, and so i'd also like to see them experience and understand love the same way asians experience and understand love. but that's just me (i know there are diaspora who like to see other things), and that's also for a concept that's more for peaceful romance/character-centric settings. it’d be a different case if the story is plot-driven, or historical, or apocalyptic

i personally prefer the nuance of intimacy in pieces by east asians bc that's what i like to see and what i'm familiar with. but either way, i don't mind the differences exist. it just means that there's a variety to all of our experiences. as long as it's written into the narrative in an organic manner, it will still feel like a love i can appreciate, whether romantic or platonic or anything in between.

the whiplash was intense when i opened a fic bc i was curious or bored (or both rly) and then boom, untagged daddy kink. SHSHS it makes me giggle sumtimes, since he’s a jpnese character, when it comes to gojou, bc personally i just can't imagine him calling anyone any kind of petname unless it means to fuck with them,,, like, for eg, in stsg fic i just can't vibe with gojou calling suguru anything but his name, but that's just me and largely the way i interpret their characters, and it's just nice to know that all the authors of jp/cn/kr fic i've read before feel the same way more or less ,, but that's it HSJJSJS if someone else decides they want gojou calling suguru this or that, then that's like, alright. that's what they want to write and see, yk, and there's nothing wrong with that, i'll just swerve respectfully lmao

also for pdas,, i think it definitely depends on the age of the couple and the setting

like, if they're a campus couple, pda is pretty common. handholding, picking each other up from class, study dates in the library/courtyard/cafe, going to drinking parties together, that sort of thing.

the most common petname i've heard cn campus couples use is "baobao/baobei" (寶寶/寶貝), which means precious/baby/darling. for jp couples, tbrh i've never heard anything ,, my friends and cousins don't use petnames either

honestly,,, if u're cn/jp and u're dating someone ur age or younger, u'd probs call them by their given name or a nickname with an affectionate prefix/suffix (小，阿，兒 etc or the norm ちゃん, くん, さん, 先輩/ 輩先 suffix) and ig u could call that a petname. if u're dating someone older than u, then u'd call them (insert name)-san or senpai/jie/ge if u and they want, and that would show how close u are. some ppl date and call each other by their full names, too, and even with honourifics. and some ppl use just their partner's given names.

for kr,, idk much but i think it’s usually 이,야,아 etc and noona/oppa/unni/hyung ????

for older couples, like married couples or people who are working, pda tends to lean towards petnames. "sweetheart", "honey", "wife/husband", that sort of thing. if they're parents, they'd probably call each other "dad", "mum" (I NEVER HEARD MY OWN PARENTS NAME LEAVING THEIR LIPS WHEN THEY ADDRESS THE OTHER)

but if its pda like,, making out in public, i don't think it's very common. i've never seen it shhsjsjs (arm holding can be rewarded with a stink eye from the conservatives elderly (mostly), from where i came from)

in fic, it's abt the same, which means it would depend on the age/setting/couple's preference with the addition of the author's preference which just,,, uh shows , ig

but then again,, pls cmiiw if anyone else knows more

altho i’m a “respect is earned” type of person ,, when it comes to (conservative) elders, it will just fly out of the window,,, the repercussions....just no 🥰 some of them are so fucking petty and are hellbent to teach u a lesson, its actually embarassing

back when the yo mama jokes were still popular and 24/7 circulating in the internet,, me and some friends were 😃😃 like yall can say this and get away with it? when daylight arrive after i crack this kind of joke in front of my relatives, my mom is done scheduling for my cremation date

even if i dont intend it to mean disrespect in some convos,, the damage is done and my parents would straight up be like : “wtf did u just say? try repeating it once more and lets see if u can still sleep under a roof today.” either that or they’ll smack me before saying it ,, whichever could come first depending on their mood 🥴

my relatives wont ever missed if i ever forgot to address them when we meet or during a phonecall by a simple “uncle/ aunt/ grandfather/ grandmother” (usually my grandfather is the one so uptight abt it 💀) and it will end up into a short lecture abt “young kids these days..../ u havent forgot to eat yet u forgot what respect is?/ ur parents are fine ppl but what happen to u”

cue my mother glaring at me or giving the stink eye like @/&/&2@22 most of the times i’m distracted by sth and just spaced out while organising it in my head b4 it could get out of hand ,,, that and the titles i’ve used for each relative is different and i’m afraid to mixed it up bc again...stink eye ,,, like my father’s younger/ older brother and younger/ older sister and cousins + its another different handful of titles when it comes to my mother’s family 😔 - 🐱 (2)

yes!!!! there’s a lot of reasons why i enjoy stsg fics and it’s because gojo and geto are always treated like people in stsg fics.....i’ve found that in a lot of reader insert fics you could replace gojo and geto with the male lead of those mafia boss stories on wattpad and it wouldn’t make a difference LMAO gojo and geto are often caricatures of themselves and it’s just something i’m personally not interested in.

also....i feel like there’s so much intimacy in how someone calls/says your name that just using pet names 24/7 gives it this superficial sense that i’m not really a fan of but then again, in fwb stories i totally understand.

another thing, I really feel like culture DOES play into it. obviously as asian people ourselves who come from a collectivist culture, our idea of love is different from the western concept of love. i feel like this especially comes into play when we see reader insert stories where the MC is super op and strong just so they can “match” gojo and gojo doesn’t need to worry about them even though it’s not even needed!! in asian cultures it’s not a burden to take care of people. it’s love. and i feel like western people don’t quite grasp that bc it’s such an individualist culture (this is a not nuanced at all / a generalization but u get the point)

yeah full on pda in fics always gets me because in japan???? lmao no honey!!! although gojo would definitely do it, not every character would LOL

gojo would pet names as a joke aka ironically, but i just don’t see him doing it seriously unless it's dear or smt

my mom is so big on respect. she always gets into fights abt with my brother and it’s a generational difference tbh but i digress, it’s not like it’s bad to be polite to your elders, but I do think koreans can take it too far to the point where it’s detrimental!!

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning