#especially since I came in knowing absolutely nothing of the language

[misskamelie]

What do you know, my understanding of this foreign language is improving even if I'm not there to listen to it and use it, that's pretty good news :)

[hrtwayne]

Safe & Sound || Alexia Putellas

Pairing: Alexia Putellas x Lionesses Wife!Reader

Summary: Where Alexia and her wife knew that adopting a child and a teenager would have its difficult moments.

Note: Chapter inspired by Taylor Swift's "Safe & Sound"! (English is not my first language)

Warning: Mention of Abandonment Trauma and Lots of Comfort!

Next Chapter| Women's Football Masterlist

Alexia left training at the Barcelona training center, exhausted but with a smile on her face. The day had been long, but the anticipation of returning home, where her wife and their two daughters were waiting, was what truly mattered. The past few weeks had been challenging since she and Y/n decided to adopt Claire, a fourteen-year-old teenager, and Mia, an energetic little girl. The adjustment phase was delicate and required a lot of patience and dedication from both of them.

Alexia picked up the girls from school and drove home, noticing that Claire was quieter than usual in the back seat. Mia, as always, chattered nonstop about the day's events, but Claire's lack of response left Alexia worried. When they arrived home, Claire went straight to her room, while Mia was excited about helping set the table for dinner.

A few minutes later, Y/n arrived home, bringing the pizzas and the burger that Claire loved so much. Seeing Alexia in the kitchen, she smiled and approached, placing the boxes on the table.

"Hey, love. I brought some pizzas and Claire's favorite food," Y/n said, kissing her wife on the cheek before noticing the worried look on Alexia's face. "Is something wrong?"

Alexia sighed, feeling the weight of the day on her shoulders.

"I think something's up with Claire," she replied, feeling Y/n's body tense against hers. "She seemed down today. She's usually pretty talkative with Mia, but she seemed distant."

Y/n frowned, concerned. Claire was a strong and resilient girl, but she also had her insecurities, especially after going through so many changes. Y/n knew she needed to be patient and sensitive at this moment.

"I'll talk to her, okay? Don't worry," Y/n assured, leaving a kiss on Alexia's forehead. Just then, Mia came running down the stairs, full of energy.

"Sweetie, don't run down the stairs, you could hurt yourself," Y/n warned, trying not to smile at her youngest daughter's enthusiasm.

"Sorry, Mom!" Mia replied, not losing any of her excitement, before turning to Alexia with a curious look.

While Alexia and Mia started setting the table, Y/n calmly went upstairs, heading toward Claire's room. She gently knocked on the door.

"Claire? Can I come in?" Y/n asked, hearing a soft "yes" from the other side.

When she entered the room, she found Claire sitting on the bed, hugging her knees. The room was quiet, almost as if it reflected the girl's state of mind. Y/n approached and sat beside her, extending her hand.

"Do you want to talk about what happened today?" Y/n asked, keeping her voice soft.

Claire hesitated, her eyes avoiding Y/n's. After a few moments of silence, she finally gave in, resting her head on Y/n's lap. The athlete began stroking her hair, waiting for her daughter to feel comfortable enough to open up.

"It's just that..." Claire began, her voice trembling. "I never imagined I'd be getting all this attention, you know? I've been through so many families... I've always been afraid that something would happen to me or Mia, that we'd be separated. Even though you're so good to us, sometimes I feel like I won't last long here. That at some point, you'll change your mind about me.

"Y/n's heart ached as she heard those words. She knew Claire's past experiences still haunted her, but she was determined to make sure that would change.

"Oh, my love," Y/n began, her voice full of affection. "I know you've been through a lot, and I understand your fear. But you need to believe me when I say that nothing will separate you and Mia from us. You're our daughters now, and nothing, absolutely nothing, will change that."

Claire sniffled quietly, still fighting back tears. Y/n continued, her voice firm but gentle.

"There's no way we'd ever send you back, Claire. You're ours, and we're yours. Never, at any point, have we thought of anything other than taking care of and loving you both. We'll always be here for you."

Claire finally looked at Y/n, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She sat up and hugged her mother tightly, nestling into her arms. Y/n held her in a protective embrace, feeling the tension slowly dissipate from her daughter's body.

After a few minutes, Claire finally relaxed, a small smile beginning to form on her face. Y/n wiped the tears from Claire's cheeks and smiled back.

"Now, how about you wash your face and come down for dinner? I brought your favorite burger," Y/n suggested, kissing Claire's forehead.

"Thank you, Mom," Claire said with a shy smile.

Y/n left Claire's room with a lighter heart. When she entered the kitchen, she found Alexia and Mia finishing setting the table. Alexia looked at Y/n, who nodded, indicating that things were better.

"Ready for dinner?" Y/n asked, as Mia hurried to sit at the table.

Claire came downstairs shortly after, still a little shy but visibly more at ease. She joined the family at the table, and the atmosphere in the house began to fill with warmth and comfort as dinner progressed. Laughter and light conversation filled the space, dispelling any remaining tension.

After dinner, Y/n and Alexia put the girls to bed. Mia was the first to fall asleep, curled up in her blanket, while Claire, now calmer, also drifted off with a grateful smile on her lips.

When the two finally retreated to their own room, Alexia snuggled into Y/n's arms, feeling the peace that only that moment of intimacy could provide. Y/n stroked Alexia's hair and sighed softly.

"We're doing the right thing, aren't we?" Alexia asked quietly, still with a hint of uncertainty.

"Yes, we are," Y/n replied firmly, holding Alexia closer. "We'll overcome any challenge, together. They're our daughters, love. Forever."

Alexia smiled against Y/n's chest, closing her eyes as she felt the love that connected them as a family.

[millers-girl]

what comes after

epilogue of willow & whiskey

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: in the heart of summer, you finally settle into a normal life in Jackson... until your past comes knocking at the front gate.

warnings/tags: age gap, adult language, I think that's it for once lol

word count: 1.7k

series masterlist

“You know, I’m pretty sure I had a wet dream about this once.” 

Joel nearly choked on the beer he was sipping, stunned by your words.

You grinned up at him, of course speaking of the sight of him standing in front of the grill, flipping patties and hot dogs alike. He was wearing a tight grey tee, a fitted pair of jeans blessed by the gods themselves, and cowboy boots to top it off – a dangerous combination, especially now, when you were ovulating.

His curls had grown out to a length you went absolutely feral for. It allowed you to tug, wrapping them around your fingers as he satiated the heat between your legs.

You slapped a hand on his back as he sputtered out the alcohol. 

When his airways were clear, he muttered, “Angel, I don’t know if this family friendly barbecue is the place to be admittin’ that… especially not when you’re wearing that dress.”

His eyes trailed achingly slow down your body, taking in every inch of the flowy white sundress you were wearing. 

Summer had settled in Jackson, marking precisely three months since you, Joel, and Ellie had arrived. Maria had graciously kept the house you’d stayed in vacant, waiting for you to return. But what surprised you the most was how much you missed Tommy. The moment Joel was done hugging him, you practically threw yourself at the younger Miller brother, letting him squeeze you comfortingly. 

He felt like family long before either of you realized it.

And, like family, he was already prepared for your arrival. He signed Joel up for patrol the moment he got here, enrolled Ellie in the school, and even had a cushy job secured for you at the bakery. You couldn’t believe he’d remembered the one time you talked about it the last time you were here – about wanting a normal life where you could just stay home and bake your heart out, like you remembered your mother doing when you were young.

Now, staying home wasn’t much of an option, but he could make the baking part happen, and he did. And you loved him for it.

Now, three months later, you, Joel, and Ellie were settling into routine in Jackson, with the horrors of everything that had happened in the winter behind you.

For the first few weeks in Jackson, you tried to assimilate to normal life—community movie nights, exchanging food recipes, even getting your haircut—but there was still a layer of unease beneath it all. You were sure Joel and Ellie felt it too, though you tried not to bring it up, tried to make the transition as smooth as possible for them. You, on the other hand, were constantly watching for shadows, checking your six, waiting for something to shatter this peace.

But nothing ever did.

Not even when new faces began to arrive from outside. The town was growing, prospering even, with all the new hands pitching in and brains thinking up novel ways to help. With the newcomers came rumors of settlements on the outside – murmurings of strange attacks, groups disappearing, whispers of people being “taken” or “sold.”

Tommy and Maria reassured everyone, promising them that they were safe; to your surprise, it comforted even you. The couple had been here for years, Maria since the inception of this town, and if they said it was safe, you owed it to them to believe it. To take the word of family and trust it. 

That trust slowly built up over the past twelve weeks and now here you were, at the community barbeque in a white sundress, flirting with your man, with a sweet tea in one hand, a tupperware of strawberry shortcake in the other – and not a care in the world.

You balanced both as Joel pulled you in and pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

“Look who decided to finally show up,” came Tommy’s teasing tone from behind you two.

You pulled away from Joel, rolling your eyes and giving the younger Miller brother a hug too. “It took longer than Clara said for the cake to cool. You wanna eat a soggy cake, Miller?” You scrunched up your nose in disgust for added effect, making Tommy laugh. 

“Alright, alright. Hand it over so I can put it in the fridge before it practically melts.” He took the tupperware from your hand, and you could finally wrap a free hand around Joel’s waist. 

“And can you get someone else to cover the grill? I’m trying to kiss the chef.” Tommy waved it off, letting you two wander off as Mike came to take over. 

Joel sat down on one of the lawn chairs with a grunt, and you perched yourself on the wide arm of his chair, feeling the coarse denim of his jeans brush against your bare thighs as he leaned back with another quiet groan of contentment.

His arm found your waist without effort as you listened in on a story Astrid was telling the group. His big hand rested low on your back, pulling you in. You tipped your head, watching the curve of his mouth as he took a long sip from his beer. There was an ease in him that you hadn’t seen in… well, ever, if you were being honest. His shoulders were loose, his eyes soft under the heavy line of his brows.

This is exactly what you pictured Joel might’ve been like before the outbreak – hosting summer barbeques in his Texas backyard, grilling while his brother played the social host part perfectly, with a content smile at his lips. 

He caught you staring, lost in thought. “What?” he murmured, voice low and rough in a way that sent a thrill through you. 

“Nothing,” you said innocently, leaning down so your lips brushed his ear. “Just enjoying the view.” He huffed out a laugh, and when you leaned back, you saw his eyes glued to the low neckline of your own dress. “You’re shameless, y’know that?” 

“Just enjoying the view,” he quoted you, grinning as you shifted slightly to balance your weight on the arm of his chair. One hand smoothed over his shoulder, fingertips idly tracing the line of his collarbone through his shirt. 

“Uh-huh,” you grinned. “That’s why you love me.” 

Joel’s lips found your temple, warm and fleeting. “Damn right I do.”

As if on queue, Ellie’s laughter rose from somewhere nearby, bright and genuine and utterly childlike, the kind of laugh that made people turn their heads just to smile along with her. You glanced over to see her with a small group of friends – Dina, Jesse, and a few other kids her age, plus a few older teenagers, who were clearly taken with her sarcasm and quick wit.

She was leaning against the picnic table, waving her hands as she mimicked someone’s voice, drawing more laughter from her circle.

For a moment, you let yourself just be in that scene – the easy pulse of the community around you, the sun casting everything in gold, the simple weight of Joel’s hand on your waist, and the sound of Ellie’s laughter ringing clear like a bell. 

All of it caused the day to pass in a blur. You chatted happily with your neighbors, slow-danced with Joel as Gustavo brought out his guitar, and settled beside him at the end of the night in front of the bonfire, as the eventful day began to catch up to you. 

The peace was so complete, your eyes began to flutter shut, the sound of your community lulling you to sleep on the love of your life’s shoulder. 

You almost didn’t notice the commotion starting by the front gates… almost.

A voice called from the wall, sharp enough to pierce the haze of laughter and chatter. “They’re back!” 

People turned, a ripple of curiosity and anticipation passing through the crowd. Joel’s grip on you tightened slightly, the reflex of a man used to tension rising from nowhere. You let him help you up, squinting toward the gates as a small group came into view – dusty, tired, but alive.

“Must be Max and them returning from patrol,” Joel murmured. His hand slipped into yours, fingers intertwining – bracing for whatever news they brought.

By the way the crowd seemed to press on, it must’ve been an eventful shift.

But something about the atmosphere suddenly seemed off, like a sharp shift you hadn’t accounted for. 

Even Ellie seemed to notice, drifting closer to you, laughter fading into the hush that had fallen over the gathering. You felt her presence at your side, small and solid.

Patrol was waving through two ragged figures – thin, dirty, heads down, one limping heavily. They looked half-dead, clothes torn and stained, like they hadn’t seen food or shelter in weeks. They looked in worse condition than anyone else you’d seen Jackson take in. 

People around you murmured, concern flitting through the crowd. They watched the pair whose heads were bowed, grateful smiles on their faces as they murmured thanks. 

A few of the Jackson residents moved forward with water and blankets, asking if they needed medical attention. 

The taller of the two, limping slightly, glanced up – just for a second. His eyes, light and sharp beneath a mask of dirt and overgrown hair, flickered across the crowd.

And then his gaze locked onto yours, from a few yards away. 

Your breath hitched, chest tightening painfully. Time slowed, the world fading around you.

You were convinced you hadn’t seen right. You couldn’t have.

But there he was. 

Alive.

Here.

His face was thinner, the shadows beneath his eyes deeper, but the electric blue of his eyes—the way his curly hair drifted in front of his eyes as he blinked at you—was unmistakable. There he was, standing like a ghost, like a past you’d buried in the ruins of Boston.

“Is that…” Ellie’s voice broke through the quiet shock, low and uncertain, her eyes narrowing as she too caught the familiar line of his jaw, the curve of his mouth that tugged in a way she hadn’t seen since Boston. 

Joel’s hand squeezed yours, making you look up at him with wide eyes before your gaze shifted back to the familiar figure.

“Nathan?” you whispered.

.

.

.

a/n: that's all for Willow & Whiskey, lovies – its sequel Ember & Evergreen is in the works!! I'll be tagging everyone from this original taglist but if you'd like to be removed (or added if you're not already), just let me know. Until then, happy reading x

taglist: @orcasoul @lizlil @littleshadow17 @joeldjarin @mrsyixingunicorn10 @luvwanda @escaping-reality8 @hoddystark @mmkkzz @victoriaholland @xodilfluvr @ilovetoomanymen @21tao @mystickittytaco @keileighr @buckyandlokirunmylife @deesparticus @underchaos @keepingitlokiii @silas-aeiou @underchaos @tjohn63 @princess76179 @umadirectioner @crlsummer @tanyaherondale @needz1nk

[sayyestoheav3nn]

Nights Like This: Part One

Roman x black!oc

Warnings: language, fluff, smut

Word count: 2.2k

a/n: this was originally planned as a one shot, but i’m indecisive as hell, so i guess we’ll see 👀. also, tiny reminder but this is my first time writing fan fiction/ smut, so please go easy on me guys 😭

Zoe acan’t fathom a better way of spending her birthday, this is truly all she could ever ask for. While she’ll never understand how she got so lucky to have Roman in her life in the first place, words can’t even begin to describe what this man means to her. Zoe in no shape or form is a materialistic person, yet somehow every year Roman manages to go all out and spoil her with shit she doesn’t need, but is still extremely grateful for.

And while this amazing day of shopping and sightseeing in Colorado is coming to an end, she’s exhausted and more than excited to get back to the hotel and gain some energy back before going out to dinner. She try’s her absolute best to ignore the fact that her feet feel worn out and in immense pain, her pride won’t allow her to show it, so she decides to keep it to herself. Especially, since Roman’s know-it-all ass told her not to wear boots with heels in the first place, but, she hates being wrong and would rather die than give him that satisfaction.

The walk to the car felt fucking eternal, Zoe couldn’t help but to sigh in relief once she was finally able to sit down. After Roman cut on the engine, he took a minute to study her, letting out a small chuckle, “I know you’re in pain baby, you don’t gotta hide it.” She immediately shot a glare at him, and rolled her eyes, “I’m not in pain, just tired.”

“You sure about that?, because when you came out of the bathroom earlier, I could’ve sworn it looked like you were limping…”, he teased. Zoe’s mouth dropped, and she playfully slapped his shoulder.

“First of all, I wasn’t limping. I was just very inspired by that Katt Williams show we watched, and decided to practice my own pimp walk…”

He couldn’t help but to let out a loud chuckle and defeatedly threw his hands in the air, “Oh so that’s what we’re doing huh?” One of the many things that Roman loves about Zoe, is her sense of humor. No matter what mood he was in, or what he was going through, she never failed to make him laugh. Roman knew her stubborn ass was lying through her teeth, but it was her birthday after all, so he decided to let it go and let her have this win.

The drive back was over an hour long, and while the beginning of the car ride was full of conversation and laughter between the two, the heater made Zoe feel extremely warm and cozy, which ended in her falling asleep.

When they finally arrived to the hotel, Roman gently ran his fingers through her hair, swiping some behind her ear, hoping he would wake her up without startling her, “We’re here, baby.”

“Shit, I don’t even remember dozing off,” she muttered. Roman smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “I’m tired too, let’s go take a nap.” Damn this man knows the key to her heart, she will never deny herself an opportunity of taking a good ass nap.

They eventually make it back to their hotel room, and as they are about to unlock their door, the fucking hotel key card starts glitching again. After multiple failed attempts, and seeing red blinks over and over again, they eventually were able to get in.

The first thing Zoe does when she makes it in the suite, is kick her stupid ass boots off. There is nothing she wants more in this moment than getting out of this outfit. As she’s digging through the drawer trying to find some comfortable clothes to change into, she suddenly feels his warm chest press against her back. He slowly wraps his big arms around her waist, his tall frame now towering over her. She couldn’t help but to let out a soft moan when she felt his breath on her neck, his prickly beard making his was down her collarbone, his soft lips showering her with gentle kisses. Her knees were growing weaker by the second, but as good as this felt, she wanted to talk to him first.

“Thank you, Roman,” she says, and before he starts to tell her she doesn’t need to thank him, like he always does she rushes and cuts him off. “Even though you never listen to me when I say I don’t need anything, the effort you make truly means to the world to me. I just wish you’d let me do the same for you.”

Roman turns her around to face him, he uses his thumb and index finger to gently guide her face to look at him. “Zo, I don’t need anything , I just need you. I need you to understand that there is no me without you. As long as I have you, there ain’t shit else I’ll ever want, or need.”

Zoe knows how Roman feels about her, but it’s something about hearing him express it, that makes her tear up. She grabs his face, pulling him in by his beard and kisses him. “I love you, baby.” He puts his hand on the small of her back and presses her towards him. “I love you more, but we should go take this nap before your ass gets cranky.”

…………..

Zoe was the first to wake up, seeing he was still in a deep sleep, she decided to quietly step away and take off her makeup that she shouldn’t have slept with in the first place.

As soon as she stepped out the bathroom and glanced towards the bed, she saw he was awake. Roman looked at her and gave that mischievous ass grin he gives when he's about to be on demon time. “Come here,” he motioned her over with his fingers, his hair was now resting on his shoulders fully out of his bun. His voice was groggy as hell from just waking up, she’d be lying if she didn’t admit how extremely turned on she was.

She wasted no time and climbed on top of his hulking body, straddling him and almost immediately feeling his erection through the thin fabric of her pants. “Looks like someone is excited to me,” she chuckled. “Baby, i’m always excited to see you,” he whispered, while lightly squeezing her ass. She began to kiss his jaw and slowly made her way down to his neck, making a trail down his chest and abs. As she started to reach for the hemline of his boxers, he flipped her over so that he was now on top of her.

“Nah baby, let me take care of you,” he growled. Before she could protest, Roman got up, took off his shirt and walked towards the foot of the bed. This had her slightly confused, but before she could ask why he got up, he grabbed her by the thighs and slid her down to the edge of the bed. His fingers gripped the top of her pants and underwear, she watched him as he eagerly pulled them down. Propping herself on her elbows, she was now staring at his hair draped over his tan broad shoulders.

Roman’s warm breath over her exposed pussy, made her more soaked than she already was. He teased his finger up and down her wet lips, causing her to instantly moan. “Mmm, daddy please.” She started to grip the back of his head when he stuck two fingers in, her hips subconsciously bucking forward once he started to curl them towards her g spot.

“Please what, baby?,” he groaned and started to pick up the pace, her pussy already dripping and squelching for him. “mmm p-please eat my pussy,” she whimpered.

“Anything you want baby, doesn’t daddy always make you feel good?” Roman flattened his tongue on her needy clit, and started licking and sucking on her essence. “You taste so fucking good baby.” Her panting becomes heavier and heavier as he feasted on her, almost as if he was starving. The combination of him eating her out and fingering her while hitting that spot, had her on the edge of coming.

“f-fuck baby i’m gonna come.” Her pussy was clenching around his fingers, he could feel it. “Come for me, right on my tongue baby,” he used his free hand to grip her thigh and bring her even closer.

Zoe, felt like she was on another fucking planet. As he brung her even closer, she used her grip on his head and started to grind her pussy against his face. “Just like that baby, give it to me,” he moaned. She let out a loud scream as her orgasm took over, her body jerked as Roman kept devouring her pussy while she rode her orgasm out.

“Such a good girl, baby.” He made his way back on top of her, and gave her a sloppy sensual kiss. Tasting herself on his tongue, made her want to come all over again.

While Zoe was catching her breath, still recovering from her earth shattering orgasm, Roman got up and brung her a rag from the bathroom and helped her clean herself. She watched him, eyeing his God like physique that she’s convinced she’ll never get used to.

Roman stood up and kissed her temple, “I’m gonna be on the balcony for an hour or so baby, I’m behind some meetings, so I gotta go make some calls.”

“That’s okay, I have some emails I gotta catch up on too.” As Roman heads out the back door, Zoe goes to sit at the desk in the corner of the suite and starts to catch up on some work emails that she’s been ignoring. Not even 15 minutes in, and she’s already bored out of her mind. She closes her laptop and decides to do something productive. Other than actual work of course, because that’s obviously boring as hell.

Boom. An idea hits her. Zoe decides that she is going downstairs to talk to the hotel receptionist, and ask if they can do something about their annoying ass key card that barely fucking works. She starts by tearing the room apart looking everywhere she can think of. Roman was the last person that had it, and as much as she’d like to ask him, she knows she can’t bother him during his important meetings.

The first place she thinks to check is his wallet, when she sees it’s not there she moves on to the next spot, which was the drawers next to his side of the bed. Fail. Shits not there either, and after scrummaging around the whole suite for damn near twenty minutes, she was thinking of giving up. And that’s when her memory hits. His fucking duffle bag. Roman tends to work out twice a day, and lately he’s been making sure to put the key card in his duffle bag before he leaves, simply because his over dramatic self can’t seem to let go of that one time he forgot it, and Zoe had slept through his phone calls and loud ass knocks.

Zoe goes to grab the duffle bag from the closet and opens it, she unzips the small pouch in the inside and immediately spotted the key card, she couldn’t help but to let out a small sigh of relief. As she goes to pull it out, something falls out and she hears a small thud. Looking down, shiny gold wrappers immediately catch her eye. She bends down and examines what turns out to be, two magnum condoms that are now on the floor.

Her mind starts racing, and she immediately begins to go through his bag. As she starts to pull his clothes out, she stumbles across an empty condom wrapper that had clearly been used. What the fuck. In this exact moment Zoe felt her heart drop in her fucking stomach, her eyes instantly becoming watery. She has been with Roman for over two years, and not once have they ever used a fucking condom. And it’s in remembering this specific fact, that sends her into full panic. She starts crying uncontrollably not knowing what to do, as much as she would like to go outside and confront his lying ass, the thought of having to look at him makes her sick to her fucking stomach. Who the fuck is he using these on?

Her chest starts to feel tight, and she knows she needs to leave before he comes back inside. Zoe puts on her coat and grabs her purse, throwing her phone inside it. She runs out of the room and gets on the nearest elevator as fast as she can. Once she makes it to the main lobby, she beelines outside and manages to get a taxi within five minutes. She quickly put her phone on silent, knowing Roman would call and text her nonstop once he realized she was gone.

Zoe doesn’t even have a sliver of an idea on what the hell she was going to do. The only thing she knew in this exact moment, was the fact that she had to get the fuck out of here, and fast.

[thesunssin]

I’d love to absolutely yap about Gihun and Sangwoo and how Gihun is in this season so here it is ‼️ ( sorry for any spelling mistakes, English isn’t my first language 🙏)

I don’t see a lot of people really talk about just how much of an affect Sangwoo had on Gihun, especially on this season and how he takes his actions, and even the intentions behind it, but I’d love to go on about Gihun first.

Gihun was never a remarkable person, his life before the games was already in shambles. The company he worked under went on a strike, and that’s when he came in touch with death for the first time, witnessing a coworker die right infront of him when their workplace got attacked, the same day his wife gave birth, which he couldn’t attend, since then he’s been losing things more and more, his wife and daughter, and to cope with it all he turned to unhealthy ways, gambling and detaching from the pain by doing so. Lots of people say he was happier back then, but he was just ignoring all his issues. He’s stuck in the past, his mind refuses to register the pain he went through, and in turn to find a way to heal and work on his life. And being stuck on the past means attaching to things in his childhood, one indirectly being Sangwoo, considering he spends a lot of time with his mother. He knows his state, and indulges in it instead of pretending to be something else.

Sangwoo on the other hand, was the opposite of him. Which is everything Gihun admired in him, and everything Sangwoo envied in him. Gihun views him as someone remarkable, and obviously doesn’t shy away from saying so. But Sangwoo isn’t, and doesn’t believe so. Sangwoo his entire life was fixated on a image he wants to put out to the world, and does whatever it takes to do so, betting on everything and even his mother, who just like Gihun, views him as “ the pride of their hometown”. His methods of doing so however, were immoral and illegal, which caused him to be heavily in debt, a physical proof of his failure. Unlike Gihun, his coping mechanism simply is either money or nothing, to be something else or nothing, anything but himself, and something better than him. Because of his failure, he feels like an imposter in a suit, pretending to be everything he’s not, the image he so desperately wants to portray would falter infront of his mother, and already does infront of Gihun, so his instinct is always to run away from the past, to never go back to his hometown, to his mother, because of how ashamed he is of himself. Seeing Gihun again reminds him of everything he couldn’t be, and that reminder is a constant agony to Sangwoo.

Sangwoo envies the authenticity Gihun has, how he unapologetically connects with others in a death game, helps out Oh Ilnam, an old man who is deemed to be a weak link in a game where everyone is out to get each other, and how despite it all, he still keeps his humanity intact and doesn’t let it falter, how even though Gihun treated his mother horribly, he still had her love, while Sangwoo believes his mother only loves the image he put, not himself. Gihun is the only person who saw his image falter, in the scene where he asks him if he’d push him if it was him instead of the glass maker. Sangwoo breaks, immediately arguing back like a defensive child, his argument almost childish when he calls Gihun a “pea head” and a “dumbass”. When Sangwoo mentions how his entire life is pathetic, Gihun replies that he knows the state of his life, and asks why Sangwoo, the pride of their hometown, the graduate of SNU, is right here in the pits with him, despite their vastly different lives, to which Sangwoo replies with nothing. Gihun through the show realises more and more how insecure Sangwoo is, and in turn also perfectly broke down the image he was trying to hard to put to justify his actions. Sangwoo, probably because of the pressure of Gihun’s own admiration, feels like his actions if for the sake of Gihun’s, no matter what, is justified, which he tries to use when arguing with Gihun, but in reality, it’s his own desperation, his own need to present as something else than himself, if it means bringing worth to his life, which he deems meaningless.

When he tries to connect with someone authentically, that person being Ali, he finally tries to allow himself to be without guilt, to help without thinking of any ulterior motives, and to have a relationship that isn’t wholly transactional, but that ultimately shatters when he teams up with Ali, who he ends up actually using his skills ( intelligence and manipulation, which he wanted to use hand in hand with Ali for each other instead of against each other) and like his old clients, cheats and robs him after promising to help. A painful reflection of how Ali, who was always cheated off his money and used in his workplace in unjust ways, the people who were his bosses, now gets cheated off by someone who he used to call from boss to Hyung. That’s when Sangwoo ultimately reverts back to his mindset, that he should be striving to save himself, make worth for himself, to make the blood in his hands make sense, and for the guilt to be worth it in the end, but also sees how Gihun still helps others, how he still helped Saebyeok, and is filled with anger about how he can pretend that he doesn’t also have blood on his hands too, that they’re all gonna die because of each other, but he still moves in the same empathetic way, as if they can afford to be kind.

Season 1 to me really is about how circumstances change the people who you once knew, how capitalism and money twists people, and even the most innocent things to bloody. It’s best portrayed with two childhood friends, Sangwoo and Gihun, who once played together with just fun in their minds, the adrenaline and the joy of childhood innocence and childlike wonder in their minds, to playing the same games for money with life and death in their minds. I’d argue and say they’re both just overgrown kids, two who are stuck in the past, Gihun who refuses to accept it as it is, and stays behind, his personality almost childish and pathetic as a grown man, while Sangwoo who runs after his childhood dreams by any means, stuck in the image that’s already tainted with blood, his personality almost like an angsty teen who pretend to be older than he is, but both come from poverty, both struggling with money, and both their issues starting from that, which shaped them to be who they are, and turned them both to things they don’t recognise anymore when they reunited till and till their last moments together.

Maybe it’s my own point, but I believe that Sangwoo was relieved that Gihun hated him for that brief moments, that they’ve argued and fought, and that the image Gihun had of him was shattered, which in turn also freed him from his own lies and image he tried to convince himself too. He could finally feel angry without any restraint, without acting like he isn’t, without covering up his selfish desires and needs, and projects it all onto Gihun, absolutely shattering the image he tried so hard to keep infront of him on purpose. Their fight was brutal and lacked any real training, both not knowing how to fight properly, and their emotions speaking louder, their movements are sloppy and awkward, and Sangwoo, who’s way more brutal in this fight, gets a hold of the knife for longer and stabs Gihun, while Gihun who when he manages to get a hold of the knife ( which is impaled to his hand ) realises that he can’t complete his actions, Sangwoo realising so when he opened his eyes to see Gihuns sad ones looking back. When Gihun walks right to the very edge of the triangle of the squid, he realises that the money, all of it, would never be worth his friends life, his childhood friends life, waking back limping and bloody to ask the guard, referencing what Sangwoo said to use clause three and for both of them agree to stop the games and leave.

Sangwoos anger waters down with the rain puddles next to him, and he realises the irony of their place. The same two grown adults, who once used to play the same games, and as he says “ When we were younger, we used to play just like this and our moms would call us for dinner” the intensity of their fight, this one being bloody and violent, reflects on how they as kids would imagine their fights to be that intense and bloody, the adrenaline copying one of someone facing life and death, except they are now, and like Sangwoo says. “Nobody is calling us anymore” his voice here ( lovely detail from the actor thank you park haesoo!) broken like a child, and Gihun raises his hand to him, telling him that they can go him, that they will go home. All the anger they had seconds before now gentle and caring, all of it was always once love, all the anger was once love. Gihun gives him is pure clean hand, one without a drop of blood, while Sangwoo stretches his own bloody hand, one that isn’t tainted with his own blood, but the blood of others and the person above him, the one who’s other hand he impaled.

Gihun was so willing, so willing to make it all worthless. Everything they’ve been though, all the scars they got and had, all the deaths they’ve caused indirectly, directly, and witnessed from close or afar, the death of the people he cared for, even Saebyeoks, and his own bleeding wounds and stabs, all if it meant bringing back Sangwoo with him, he’d go penniless willingly, because he couldn’t truly blame him for everything, he couldn’t truly blame him for turning out the way he is, he admired him with his soul, loved him with every fibre of his being, and adored him and saw him as someone so remarkable and great despite it all, so he gave him his hand, his clean, untainted hand, as to tell him that he, Sangwoo, can taint it with all his sins, and he’ll still hold his hand, he’d still want him by his side. Sangwoo almost took it, almost. He wanted to let himself be, to accept that gentleness Gihun so willingly offered, and to accept the hands of his childhood friend.

That’s until he realises they won’t have a single penny for it all. That’s when he retracts his hand, and all he can do is apologise, to say sorry to his Hyung, as he stabs the knife through his neck without any remorse. In that moments, I think that’s when he realised the only way he can truly repay Gihun isn’t by taking his hand, but by leaving all the money for him, to repay his mother, to repay for Ali, Saebyeok, for all the people he caused to suffer, to repay it all with his life that was now worth 45.7B when the last person is eliminated. In the end of it all, he ignores even his own will to live and picks the most reasonable choice, letting his childhood friend win, not any random person, but Gihun. He knows him better than anyone, and within his last moments, calls out for his mother, asking Gihun to help her, to repay her in his behalf, because he couldn’t face her like this, he knows he wouldn’t be able to live with the weight of what he has done, even more-so without a single dim. But he knows Gihun wouldn’t forget him, he wouldn’t forget his mother, he wouldn’t forget his humanity, and he wouldn’t forget to care.

And so Sangwoo dies in a playground, dead in his childhood friends hands, a reflection of how everything he chased for as a kid died there too, and was always stuck in the same playground trying to prove his worth by winning.

By S2, Gihun painfully parallels everything Sangwoo was before the games. Both sharing even the same mother, who they both feel too ashamed and guilty to face, calling their families from a distance, and falling into deep depression, both sharing the same sense feeling like an imposter in their bodies for being things they aren’t ( both being wealthy, but gaining that wealth in unjust ways) their sense of worth less now and both suicidal. ( Sangwoo who tried to commit suicide in the bathtub, and Gihun who doesn’t hesitate to play Russian roulette and shoot himself) the only difference is the reason why they go back to the games.

Gihun in s2 even comes back to the games acting exactly like Sangwoo, even down to the two of them meeting someone from their past within it ( Sangwoo who met Gihun, and Gihun who now met Jungbae) but as vastly different people. Gihun uses what he had learnt directly from Sangwoo to help others ( The red light green light method, Mentioning the third clause, which was even filmed in the same space and manner, and telling others to hide before the fight broke out ) he’d always seen Sangwoo as an example of how to be, and admired him as a figure of something remarkable, so he, who already feels like an imposter in his body, who feels like he shouldn’t be the one who made it out, unconsciously begins to create an image of himself that reflects Sangwoos, one he saw as cold, intelligent, and was human despite it all.

Young Il, who Inho created, is an image of who Gihun wishes Sangwoo was. (Yes ik how that sounds lemme elaborate!) Young-il is someone who is equally as smart, someone who uses that intelligence to help the weaker, who thinks for the community, and is willing to help Gihun help others, unlike Sangwoo who limited his intelligence and help to just those who could also equally benefit him, who held back on trusting Gihun, and in the end acted on his own, and reduced Gihun’s humanity to weakness, something Gihun resented about Sangwoo, and something he sees in Young-il, who Inho knew how to build himself to be someone Gihun trusted, a familiar but strange new face. Oh but Gihun’s intentions aren’t so pure either, his guilt brought him back to the games, back to something he was stuck in, back to the past he can’t move on from and never will, his guilt drives him to think he needs to sacrifice himself for the games to end, even without any real aim or clear goal on how to, or even realising that the players will still suffer anyways, he believes his life will only gain worth if it’s used for something greater, similarly to how Sangwoo also believed his life would be worth something if he gained social status and money, something greater than himself. This time, Gihun gambles with the lives of himself and others ( the people who died for the plan) instead of horses.

Gihuns unwavering trust in others humanity, and in humanity itself, I’d say is purely because of Sangwoo. He witnessed him turn to so many things, from someone he so dearly admired, to a vile person who spat blood and killed for money, to hearing him never speak to him informally even in their angriest moments, and to crying in his arms, uttering out his mothers name as he calls him Hyung for the last time. Sangwoo, who taught him all he knew right now, couldn’t teach him how people could still be harmful, that trusting still blinds, and that being idealistic and naive isn’t good, because Sangwoo was human, Sangwoo wasn’t evil and irredeemable, he still cared for the boy he grew with, for the kid he found charming but annoyingly naive, for the kid who bragged about him every given chance, and for the same guy who he entrusted his mother to, the one who he drove all his actions for. And Gihun? He bet his entire life on that, on the shred of his cold image breaking to reveal his real vulnerability, on his humanity. And because Sangwoo showed him that, he now doesn’t believe anybody is truly evil, that they’re all victims of something bigger than themselves.

And so Gihun goes back to the games, going back to the place that his old self died in, and the one he doesn’t even know if he’ll survive in again, but is willing to gamble his life on ending it.

(sorry for how long I’ve yapped for! and if I’ve made any mistakes ❤️ please have some mercy on me! my English isn’t the best )

[cobaltperun]

Eternal Flame (2) - Those Eyes

Jenna Ortega x Female Reader

Chapter summary: She could have expected many things, but a birthday surprise was not one of them.

Spotify playlist

Masterlist / First Part / Next Part

Word count: 6.1k

-I close my eyes and all I see is you and the small things you do-

Jenna couldn’t remember the last time she’s gotten this excited. Soon she’d turn eighteen, she was about to start filming Scream, meet several legends in person, work with people that already seemed like they were absolutely amazing, and, well, work with you. She walked into the hotel late at night, past ten o’clock, meaning she missed dinner, but she was excited nonetheless, barely feeling the hunger after hours of traveling.

“Hi, I’m sorry I’m checking in this late,” she gave her ID to the receptionist.

“Don’t worry about it, thank you for choosing our hotel,” the receptionist smiled politely, the entire cast basically booking the hotel was going to be profitable for it.

“Say, could you tell me where some of the others are? Which rooms I mean?” Jenna asked with a bit of a shy smile on her face.

He raised an eyebrow, and she knew she could just send a message, so yeah, in hindsight it probably didn’t make her seem like the smartest person around. “Sure,” he checked the papers and pulled out a map of the floor she was on. “You’re between Melissa and Mikey, and Jack and Dylan are also on your side of the floor. Mason, Y/N, Jasmin and Sonia are on the other side of the floor, Neve, Courtney and David are on the floor above you,” he told her and pointed at each room as he said the names. Room 23, she smiled but quickly reigned it in. The two of you have been texting on and off these past few weeks, and Jenna definitely felt the connection between you. It’s been so long since she made a friend close to her own age, and it really felt like the two of you were heading in that direction.

“Thank you,” she said and took key to her room, thankful that her stuff arrived before she did, so it was already waiting for her in her room. She went up the stairs to her room but just as she was about to unlock it she looked down the hall and changed her mind, heading right for your room first.

The number 23 on the door seemed almost intimidating for a moment, after all, she didn’t even send you a message to ask if you wanted to hang out. Still, she remembered all the texts you exchanged, the time you spent hanging out, eating lunch and dinner at the same place and then walking through the park and sitting on a bench, watching the sky. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all, so, she knocked and took one step back, waiting for you to open the doors.

And you did, you opened the doors dressed in sweatpants and light gray T-shirt. “Hey,” she smiled, stepping closer to you. “Sorry for dropping by unannounced,” she apologized and readily accepted it when you just pulled her in for a hug. It felt warm, welcoming, and Jenna felt herself sinking into that feeling.

“I’m glad you did,” you whispered as you pulled back and smiled brightly at her. There was nothing in your body language, not a single hint that you were annoyed, or that she interrupted you. She could only see genuine happiness to see her in your eyes, in the way your touch lingered, and how openly you moved to invite her in. “Come on, I’m sure you’re hungry,” your words took her by surprise.

A bit of her should have felt guilty, because in a way it made it sound like she just came to eat, but the promise of a meal instead of going to bed hungry made any guilt she could have felt disappear for the moment. “Sure, but how did you know?” she asked as you led her into your room and Jenna found herself looking around, especially since she didn’t get to see her own room. The room was simple, offering basic furniture, and each came with its own bathroom, it looked comfortable, and she noticed the final script lying on the table.

“Just a guess. I sent you a message a while ago to see if you were hungry,” you said and turned the stove on. Jenna felt heat rushing to her cheeks, she once again neglected her phone. She should probably send a message to her family. For now, she looked at you moving around the hotel room. From the looks of it the rooms came with small kitchen, enough for someone to make a simple meal, or heat up the leftovers, just so they wouldn’t have to go to the kitchen. Sometimes they could make meals themselves and sometime the hotel staff would take care of it, that was the deal from what Jenna heard. She was brought out of her thoughts by the smell that made her mouth water as you placed a small pot filled with rice pilaf with green peas and corn, and you must have added something else to it because it smelled incredible.

“Oh, I’m definitely hungry,” she said, and as if on cue her stomach confirmed her hunger and the two of you laughed. “Join me?” she asked as you heat up the pilaf, she grew up in a large family, often worked with a lot of people that usually had meals together at a designated large area, and she found that she hated eating alone, no matter how often it happened between projects.

“I guess I could,” you agreed, much to Jenna’s relief. “Could you set the table? There’s a few plates and utensils in the cupboard to my left,” you told her and it was just another reason Jenna felt comfortable around you. When she was with you it didn’t matter that she was an actress, you didn’t treat her like that automatically made her free to just sit and wait for you to serve a meal for her.

“Mhm,” she hummed and found the things you’d need for your rather late dinner. “Do you want me to take them to the table or wait until you fill the plates first?” she asked as you went to cut a tomato for a quick salad.

You paused for a moment. “Take them to the table,” you eventually decided and Jenna did it.

She turned toward you, catching herself watching your back as you spread a bit of vegan cheese over the tomato and seasoned it with a bit of salt. She noticed your movement, easy, relaxed, yet precise. That seemed to be your normal, just chill and easygoing, calming in a way, and she found it hard to imagine you being tense, or anxious. At least that’s how you looked to her from this close. You’ve shown her brief glimpses of nervousness, but it was just the regular amount, nothing out of the ordinary, and she found herself admiring that attitude.

Of course, she was yet to get to truly know you, but those were her first impressions.

“There,” you said as you finished preparing the salad and washed your hands on the sink before carrying the pot and the plate filled with the salad to the table where Jenna was waiting for you.

She watched you as you filled up the plates, your eyes met for a moment and you grinned, as if promising her she’d like the food. She knew she would, taste aside, though she had no doubt about that either, you took time to either get or make this for her, and she’d love it for that alone. She waited until you sat down, though with how hungry she was and how good the food smelled she found it really hard to resist. Finally, once you sat down she took a spoonful of the pilaf and hummed at how good it was. “Oh, this is amazing,” she praised and quickly turned to you. “Did you make this?” she could already guess the answer, but she still asked, almost astonished by how good it tasted.

“Yeah,” and that was all you really needed to tell her as you ate dinner at late hours of the night, on the first night of your stay at the hotel where you’d be filming Scream.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it,” Jenna told you once you emptied your plates, that fondness for you that’s been growing since meeting up in Los Angeles making her feel warm despite the slight chill of the late September night.

About an hour after she came into your hotel room her eyes widened and she quickly grabbed her phone. “Shit, mom will kill me,” she quickly sent a message to her mom, not wanting to interrupt her since she was at work at the moment.

She did it again, she lost track of everything while with you.

~X~

The birthday surprise sounded like a great idea, after all, you just had to hide it from Jenna for a couple of days. Nothing too bad, right? You underestimated just how difficult that was going to be. Especially since she seemed to like your company, and normally you’d be thrilled by that, but you were trying to surprise her for her birthday!

You also had to handle figuring out what she liked and didn’t like, or if there were any food allergies to worry about, or decision she may have made herself. And asking her about her preferences in sweets might be a bit too obvious. So, you did your best with what you had. Jenna mentioned she became a vegan a while ago in passing, so you knew that, and from what David told Melissa, Jenna wasn’t allergic to anything. So, there you were, in the hotel kitchen seeing what ingredients you had available and which one you were missing as you mentally went through different cakes you thought Jenna might like.

Making the cake would also be fairly easy. The kitchen was kinda bland, the regular dark gray kitchen, but it was spacious, and you would be able to easily get used to it. Most importantly, it looked like hiding the cakes would be easy. That was basically the deal, make two cakes so everyone can get a slice, Mikey and Melissa would handle some small appetizers, and that would be it. Get some non-alcoholic drinks, sing a song, and make sure not to overwhelm the girl, because you imagined that having a bunch of, basically, strangers, organize a huge surprise birthday party might be a bit overwhelming for anyone. And Jenna was already a bit shy and definitely introverted, so there was that too. You considered preparing a dinner, but between too many people being there and simply being unable to disappear for the whole day you gave up on that idea.

So, you were leaning on the counter, in the middle of flipping through the pages of your dad's old recipe notebook that you took and added some recipes you found. You liked having hand-written notebook with recipes you’ve made and could comfortably claim were good. Remembering them was all well and good, but double checking was always a good choice. And then the kitchen doors opened.

“Oh, hi,” you heard Jenna’s voice and jumped, notebook flying up into the air as you tried to catch it. Only to just barely graze it with the tips of your fingers and have it land in front of Jenna’s feet. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that,” she quickly apologized when she got over the initial surprise, but you could see the amused smile on her face. You smiled back, seeing right through her, she was a bit proud of making you lose your composure, and well, you could respect that.

Well, it wasn’t that you were easily scared, you just did not expect her of all people. And you kinda panicked when the one you were meant to make a birthday cake for caught you in the kitchen! Even if you were yet to do anything. Especially since you kind of doubted you could lie to her, that’s how quickly she broke through any defense you may have had. “Right, that was,” you paused, leaning down to pick up your notebook. “Embarrassing,” you chuckled as you leaned back on the counter.

Jenna shrugged with a small smile on her face. “Please, do I need to remind you how many times I embarrassed myself, I think you’ll survive,” you could tell she was curious about the notebook. It was old, worn out, which was normal since it was almost two decades old, but there was sentimental value to it, so, you wouldn't replace it no matter what.

“Oh, right, I forgot you were way worse,” you shrugged, the grin on your face giving away that you were joking.

Jenna frowned, and for a moment your heart skipped a beat. “Mhm, I’m sure I was,” she turned away from you and began looking for something in the kitchen.

You immediately backtracked. “Wait, please, I didn’t mean-“ but before you could finish you caught an amused look in her eyes, you still haven’t gotten to know her well enough to know for sure if she was joking, and she was still using that. It didn’t change the fact that you were still caught off guard by how expressive her eyes were. “Oh, you are sneaky,” you grinned.

“I’m looking for some fruit. You want some?” she asked you.

“I guess I could go for some fruit. There’s some canned pineapple in the storage, apples and bananas over there on that counter and some grapes and plums in the fridge,” you told her and she went over to the fridge.

“Grapes sound good,” she took a couple of smaller clusters and you pulled two bowls out. They were already washed so she just placed two clusters in each bowl. “Wanna eat them together?” she suggested, and you nodded with a grin, you quite enjoyed eating dinner with her last night, so you easily accepted sharing the fruit. So, you ended up following her through the halls into the dining hall, it wasn’t empty, but it wasn’t crowded either and you both greeted the few people you walked by.

You sat down next to Jenna and popped a grape into your mouth. “Did you get in trouble with your mom last night?” you asked and she shook her head.

“She understands, and I may have thrown you under the bus and said you held me up,” she revealed, clearly completely serious and you just froze with a grape in hand.

“Preposterous,” you huffed, and she raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe it is fair, but-“ yet before you could finish your sentence Jenna stole the grape in your hand and ate it. “Now that’s just uncalled for,” you blinked, taken aback by her boldness and Jenna just, she just laughed, leaning on your shoulder for support.

“You were saying?” she reminded you, but you just shrugged.

“Guess you’ll never know, thief,” you teased her just as your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you saw you were meant to go and prepare for the fight scene. Now, you were serious about your job, but a minute or two wouldn’t hurt, especially when you felt this at ease around Jenna, and you dared to say she felt the same way.

You moved on to the second cluster and your eyes widened a bit when you realized just how sweet it was. “Damn, these are really good!” without really thinking you split the cluster and dropped half of it in Jenna’s bowl.

“Wait, Y/N,” Jenna began protesting, even if she just stole a grape out of your hand, but you plucked the few grapes remaining on your cluster and got up to dispose of the trash.

You just winked at her. “Sorry, ma’am, duty calls,” you mock-saluted. “No, seriously, they need to go over the fight scene with me,” you made sure to explain and left the slightly embarrassed girl.

“Good luck!” Jenna exclaimed and you pumped your fist up in the air.

~X~

Two days later you were in the gym doing pull-ups when Melissa jogged in and looked around after she spotted you. “Good, you’re here, is everything set for Sunday?” she asked, not beating around the bushes in case Jenna somehow came in.

“Yeah, just need to actually make the cakes,” it wasn’t the first time Melissa came in to talk about the surprise while you were working out, and when she told you it was okay to just keep training you found no reason to go against that. You had about fifteen minutes left anyway. You dropped down after finishing the set and took a few deep breaths, next one would be tough.

“Great, and you’re sure she doesn’t suspect anything?” she asked, making you nod.

“Not one thing. So far so good, we’ve all been busy, especially her since she has the first half of the opening scene to film, so she hasn’t been paying attention to things that may have given the surprise away,” and there were few things. She bumped into Mikey and Jasmin after they did the shopping for the appetizers. She ended up walking into the kitchen while you were talking to the hotel staff about what you’d need to borrow, and even Melissa had a close call or two from what you heard from others.

Melissa nodded at that, satisfied with the answer. “I think having a birthday away from your closest loved ones, especially one as significant as the eighteenth birthday would make someone feel lonely, and she’s a lovely girl. I’d like her to feel appreciated,” Melissa confessed. You could see she almost immediately got attached to Jenna, and you were willing to bet she felt even a bit protective, so slipping into the role of the protective older sister definitely wouldn’t be difficult for Melissa.

Not that you could say anything, you’ve known Jenna for less than a month, chemistry test not included, and you couldn’t deny that you felt the say way Melissa did. You wanted Jenna to be happy and if you could do something to make her birthday feel better, you’d do it in a heartbeat.

“We’ll do everything we can to make her feel that way,” you confirmed, jumping up and grabbing onto the bar with only your right hand. You gritted your teeth, focused and did one-armed pull-up, ignoring the gasp Melissa let out. Yeah, you figured one-armed pull-ups were a bit impressive.

~X~

The first few days of filming, at least for you, were mostly used for preparations, going over the fight choreography and practicing the fights, so you barely filmed any scenes, though you and Jenna got through the scene you did for chemistry read. You were both definitely comfortable with one another, but you both also knew every other scene between you two from now on would rely on touch even more.

And surprisingly you were perfectly fine with it. And it wasn’t just that you were professionals doing your jobs, you really were comfortable with Jenna’s touch.

It wasn’t the touch that you were worried about, in fact the only scene you were truly worried about, as far as your own acting went, was the climax of the hospital scene. When your and Jenna’s characters are held by Ghostfaces, and your character gets shot while Tara has an asthma attack. Honestly, you were kind of dreading that scene. Not only would it be emotionally draining, but you felt like you were still not back to the performance level from Logan, having only been acting for a few days now, and you just weren’t sure of yourself. You knew, you understood that for the scene to be done well you and Jenna would have to give it your all, and make it not the sum of those two parts, but something bigger, better than that. At least the scene would be filmed over the span of three days so you hoped you could get your act together by then.

Right now, you and Jenna were settling down on the bed, with Keith, one of the stuntmen for Ghostface getting ready and putting the mask on.

“Are you comfortable?” you asked as Jenna lay down with her head on your chest. You could see the hint of a blush on her cheeks as she swallowed the lump in her throat and you hesitated to pt your arm around her like you were supposed to.

“I am, don’t worry,” she assured you, and she was honest, she really was, but deep down you could sense she needed reassurance. Yet you weren’t sure how to give it to her. “You? I can move a bit more to the side if you want?” she suggested, but you shook your head.

“I’m okay,” you looked down at your arm and she nodded, giving you the permission to hold her. It wasn’t like the couple of hugs you had, this was more intimate, would last longer, would probably be repeated a few times. While Jenna seemed to enjoy the hugs, you understood why she was nervous. It wasn’t even you in particular, but just being this close with someone, especially when it was the first scene like this for the two of you.

Matt and Tyler finishing giving instructions to everyone, the two of you closed your eyes, pretending to be asleep. Keith walked into the room, and you heard him stopping at the bottom of the bed. He paused, as he was meant to do. Since Amber was supposed to watch Tara and C/N for a bit and then try to kill your character.

Keith then moved, but bumped his foot on the bed and winced. “I’m okay,” he assured, and you opened you eyes, you’d have to start over anyway.

“I always feel like somebody's watching me! Who's playing tricks on me?” you sang, so abruptly Jenna began giggling and you laughed, soon enough the crew around you lost composure.

“I’m so sorry,” Jenna apologized as she struggled to control her giggles.

“Completely my fault,” you grinned, and you felt her relaxing significantly more, relaxing into your touch. You didn’t say anything, pretending not to notice the shift in her posture, as she was no longer trying to hold most of her weight on her side but properly leaned on you. Her eyes shone brightly as she finally stopped giggling and looked at you with a grin on her face.

There it was, the look you were hoping to see. The same way she looked at you when you weren’t filming.

“Okay, now that everyone is calm again, take two!” Matt instructed and the two of you and Keith got back into your positions.

Keith walked to your side of the bed, and you felt robes brushing against you, which was your cue. You moved quickly, just barely syncing with his movement and catching his wrist. You stayed like that for a few moments, letting your character process everything as Keith pretended, he was trying to push the knife into your chest to no avail.

Jenna opened her eyes and screamed, and it was impressive to say the least. And she quickly placed her hand between your chest and the tip of your knife. But more than that, the way she scream, the way she moved, you, even if only for a bit, felt the anger your character would be feeling in these circumstances.

So, you and Keith went through the practiced action scene of the day, first with the knee to his shoulder, and elbow to the guts, of course, just making it look like you were hitting him. You gently moved Jenna aside. “I’ll be right back,” and your eyes widened. That wasn’t meant to be the line!

“Cut!” Tyler exclaimed and you just sat up.

“Sorry about that,” you apologized to Jenna and Keith, and also the rest of the crew, but mostly to the two of them.

Jenna, however, seemed to have another idea. “Wait, isn’t that one of the rules? Don’t say ‘I’ll be back’?” she asked, and you could swear you saw lightbulbs lighting up above Matt and Tyler’s heads.

“You’re right! We’re keeping that in, get back into positions!”

And so, you did, getting it all just right in the next take.

~X~

Finally, Sunday, and with that Jenna’s eighteenth birthday came, and you would soon stop having to hide the truth from the younger actress. You figured she’d spend the morning on the call with her family, so she’d likely just grab a snack from the kitchen instead of eating breakfast with you like she did these past few days. Well, it wasn’t only with you, someone else was usually there as well, but she was always next or very close to you.

You were somewhat glad she would skip the breakfast with you, because keeping your eyes open seemed like an impossible task at the moment, and you kept almost dozing off at the table with your sandwich lying on the table, unwrapped and barely touched. Seeing how many times you jerked awake it really was good that Jenna wouldn’t see you in this state.

Though, maybe you underestimated how used Jenna got to eating with you.

“Hi!” she dropped onto the seat next to you with a light breakfast, just some cereal and a French toast, and even as sleepy as you were you could tell she was in a really good mood.

“Morning, Jen,” you, however yawned, seeing as you spent most of the last night making the cakes and didn’t really get any sleep. You’d have to take a nap later, but more importantly you were surprised Jenna was here instead of sleeping in or something. It was seven in the morning! It was her birthday! Did that mean nothing to her?

“Long night?” she asked, both concerned and amused by the state you were , and if you weren’t so sleep deprived maybe you would have noticed that she was holding back on telling you something.

“Yeah,” you felt like it would be easier to bench a thousand pounds than it was to keep your head from dropping onto the table. If it was any other week you’d be fine, but between making the cakes, long workouts, action-heavy scenes, as well as practicing for them, and pure mental exhaustion brought on by your high expectations of yourself you were just about ready to drop.

And Jenna noticed that. She placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Hey, hey look at me,” she whispered gently. “Go back to bed, okay? Do it for me?” well now, who were you to refuse such a sweet and genuine request.

“You’re the boss,” you began packing your sandwich, but Jenna placed her hand over your own, taking the task over. “Sorry,” you apologized but she just smiled at you, and you could see she didn’t mind doing it.

“Come on, let’s get you back to your bed,” she place your sandwich on her tray, picked it up and took your hand, slowly guiding you back to your room.

“Jen,” you nearly wished her happy birthday, it was on the tip of your tongue, but you weren’t about to ruin the surprise. “Thanks,” instead you just thanked her, hoping that one word would be enough to show that you really, genuinely appreciated her doing this for you as you unlocked your doors and stumbled to the bed, not even bothering to lay down properly.

You still felt a blanket covering you and a soft hand lifting your head up just enough to put a pillow underneath it.

~X~

The entire cast let the day go on as usual, just chilling out together and getting to know each other. Not once did you hear anyone wish happy birthday to Jenna, so you figured she didn’t tell anyone and was just going along with the day as if it was any other. Though, she did spend some time in her room, on a call with her family. You were glad it happened to be Sunday, she deserved to rest on her birthday.

By the time the dinner was approaching you were making sure everything was set, the appetizers, the birthday cakes, you went with an icy wind cake, using layers of kiwi, banana, strawberry and blueberries on the very top. It was a cake your neighbor taught you how to make while you were still a teen, and considering you found out that Jenna did like most fruits you figured this was a good choice.

“Is everything ready?” Melissa asked as her, Mason and Jasmin came in, ready to help you bring everything out.

“Yeah, just lighting the candles,” you said, lighting the candles on both of the round cakes.

“You know, I think she’ll love this,” Mason commented as he and Jasmin took the plates with appetizers, while you and Melissa took one cake each.

“I sure hope so, it was a pain in the ass to hide this from her,” Jasmin laughed and nudged you with her elbow. “Especially for you.”

“Don’t remind me,” you chuckled, thinking back to the many times Jenna nearly stumbled into the surprise you all were preparing for her.

Jasmin opened the doors for the four of you while Mikey kept Jenna distracted and with her back turned to the door you would come through. And then, when she saw the four of you, she grinned. “And, three, two, one!” she exclaimed as everyone else from the cast began clapping and all of you began singing ‘Happy birthday’ to Jenna.

Poor girl looked around wide-eyed, completely taken aback with a dark blush covering her cheeks. “Oh my god!” she hid her face in her hands, something you noticed she did whenever she felt shy and embarrassed.

“Someone remembered your birthday,” Melissa motioned toward David “And we had to celebrate it,” she set the cake down on the table and patted Jenna on the shoulder to comfort her.

“Thank you!” Jenna quickly hugged her and got up, going to Jasmin and Mason and hugging them as well, as you were still busy placing the cake next to the one Melissa left on the table. The moment your hands were free from the cake she quickly hugged you, keeping her hold on you firm and tight as she nuzzled against your shoulder. “Thank you, thank you so much,” she whispered before going on to hug each and every person in the room.

You took a camera from Mikey and gestured toward it as Jenna got ready to blow the candles. “Please,” she gave you the permission and you snapped a few photos as she blew the candles out and then handed the camera back to Mikey so she could handle taking the photos. You and Melissa had another task, to cut the cakes since Jenna was still a bit too shocked by all of this.

“Here, birthday girl,” you grinned as you gave her the first piece and she playfully rolled her eyes at the name before taking the plate.

“This looks amazing, where did you even get it?” she asked as she waited for everyone else to get a piece. And then the realization hit her when she saw your grin. “No way!”

“Apparently someone was cast too perfectly for her role,” Mikey teased you a bit as you handed her the piece. “Y/N made them,” she confirmed what Jenna already figured out Jenna just looked at you, her eyes looking into your soul and heart as you shrugged.

“I never said my cooking is limited to basics,” you grinned handing out the last few pieces to whoever didn’t have their piece. There was maybe a sixth of the second cake left by the time you were done. As you set the knife down you felt a hand on your wrist and you turned around, and before you could register what was going on Jenna pulled you in for another hug. “Thank you, you shouldn’t have, but thank you,” she whispered as you hugged her back.

“Don’t mention it,” you told her softly. The two of you went and sat down and began eating the cake.

Jenna hummed at the taste, and you couldn’t hold back a proud grin on your face. “This is amazing! You have to give me a recipe,” she wasn’t asking for it, she damn near demanded it.

“Sure, but I have to try it when you make it,” you said, pulling out your phone and typing the recipe from memory.

Jenna shook her head. “I can’t make this, but my mom can,” she explained, causing you to nod.

“There, sent it,” you told her after a few minutes and then you just enjoyed the celebration, which quickly turned into a chaotic fun as Mason and Jack tried to get the projector to work so you could all watch a movie.

“When is your birthday?” Jenna asked, watching fondly as the chaos ensued in the room.

“Don’t know,” you smirked teasingly.

“Come on, tell me,” she persisted, even going as far as to lean closer to you to try and get you to talk.

“I’m telling you, I don’t know. Mom was Chinese zodiac enthusiast, dad hated everything, so all I know is I’m born in the year of the metal dragon. Yes, metal dragon was very important to her, so much so that she waited nine years to have me,” you said it so confidently, so casually, that you wouldn’t blame someone if they took you seriously.

“Y/N,” Jenna warned you teasingly.

“Enjoy the day, I’ll tell you tomorrow. I was born in the year of the dragon though, that isn’t a lie,” you assured her, and though she pouted, she sighed and accepted that trying to get that information out of you right now was more than likely futile.

“Thanks again, for making the cakes for me,” she said, leaning slightly on your shoulder as the movie finally started.

“Anytime, Jen,” you whispered.

“Wait, so that’s why you were sleepy this morning!” she suddenly realized, and you just laughed, pulling her in for a one-armed hug as she pouted at you.

“Thanks for taking care of me, by the way,” you told her, hoping she would know this was fine, that you were more than happy to do this, and that given the chance you’d do it again.

~X~

When you came back to your room a few hours later it was after everyone was done with the celebration. It probably could have went on for a bit longer, but you all had to go back to filming in the morning so no more partying for any of you, that was for sure.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you raised an eyebrow, not a lot of people called you. You took it from your pocket and grinned, answering immediately.

“Well, hello there!” you fell back on the bed, your day just got even better, if that was possible.

“Hey kid, got anything you’d like to share?” you could hear the teasing, as well as pride in Hugh’s voice. He already knew, you could tell that much, but he wanted to hear it from you as well.

“Back to filming, but you already knew that,” you wondered if you could live up to it, to his expectations. What were his expectations anyway?

“Yes, Tom told me,” you actually met Tom through Hugh, so of course Tom would tell him. “Just take it easy, okay? I know you’ve got a lot on your mind right now, all the pressure you might be feeling, just know that what matters the most is that you are happy while doing this job,” that was the same logic he had back when he advised you while you were filming Logan. Love your job, love portraying your characters and if possible, love your characters as well. Love them enough to come back and play them again if needed. That, aside from teaching you to take your time with things, was the most valuable lesson Hugh taught you about acting.

“I’ll try, I just, I feel like I need to follow Logan up with something incredible,” you admitted, and you both knew what you meant. It wasn’t about awards, or about the audience reception, it was about the experience making it, because Logan was truly something special for you as a child.

“You will, I’m sure you’re getting to know people that will help you turn it into something like that,” he assured you and you smiled, given how the past couple of days went you actually believed him.

Masterlist / First Part / Next Part

Taglist: @lilbitdepressed27 @freakshow2501

[lisssyyu]

Dried Blood - The Renaissance Project

PAIRINGS: VI × F!READER

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This au came after I rewatched ABSOLUTELY ALL "Jurassic World" MOVIES, so enjoy.. Let me remind you that English is not my native language, and if you see any mistakes or inaccuracies, please correct me! let me know if you like it and want a part two.

WARNING(S): —

TAGS: behavioral specialist!Vi ;; Jurassic World!au ;; drabble ;; arcane

туалет: 3.3k

часть : 1 ;; 2 ;; ?

In a world where Piltower technology and Zaun genetic engineering have reached unprecedented heights, humans have learned how to resurrect dinosaurs. The new Jurassic Park has been built on a remote island a project financed by the Kiramman family and others, not only for the sake of "scientific progress" and geopolitical prestige. Vi is a behavioral specialist working with velociraptors and other dangerous species, and you are a new ethologist specializing in the cognitive behavior of dinosaurs.

Vi was raised on the streets of Zaun, but was recruited into a research program when the people of Piltover recognized her talent for reading behavioral patterns in animals.

Although, to be completely honest, at the age of 19, she was caught trying to break into a biotechnology storage facility (the question of why she was there remains unanswered to this day). Instead of sending her to prison, one of the scientists, a renowned professor from Piltover and another financier of the "Rebirth" project named Anabel Grimm, noticed how Vi behaved with an aggressive chemosaur in a cage. She was calm and, to everyone's surprise, got away with just a couple of scratches.

She was offered an alternative: participation in an experimental program on "instinctive contact with unstable individuals." Not wanting to make her life worse by going to prison, she agreed.

Later, she was sent on probation to a remote pilot station where genetically unstable individuals were bred. There, she encountered the predecessors of dinosaurs for the first time. They were unsuccessful hybrids with predatory habits. Ugly creatures that had nothing in common with dinosaurs.

Over the course of several years, Vi proved that she possessed a "trainer's instinct" that could not be taught at the academy. Professor Grimm wrote a letter of recommendation for her to the Rebirth Project when the selection process for the island began.

Vi lives on the enclosure grounds. She has "her own" animals, especially a pair of velociraptors, with whom she has worked since she was young.

Vi even gave them names — Ship and Wouter. Vi has no formal education. Her access card is marked "1st class field expert."

Vi believes that trust and respect are more important than collars and remote controls. She enters the enclosures personally, without weapons, which greatly angers the management.

You came to the Park as part of the second wave of scientists those who don't just grow dinosaurs in test tubes, but try to understand what they become. As an ethologist who trained in the basements of the Piltower Academy and at field bases in Zaun, you have been obsessed with the behavioral patterns of animals, predators, and herbivores since your early years.

You were attracted not only by the scale of the project and generous funding, but also by the idea itself: to create not a prison for monsters, but a living, breathing ecosystem. And also, to observe how dinosaurs learn and grow. Now your day begins with your observation journal and ends in the enclosures, where claws scratch against steel and eyes watch from the shadows. Some of the park staff think you are too soft on the "creatures."

Vi is one of the few who, even though she calls your methods "theory for dummies," really listens. Especially when the predators responded to a gesture for the first time, rather than an electric shock.

• At first, Vi considers you too naive.

She has seen dinosaurs tear off interns' legs in a second and is sure that your interest in the creatures will fade as soon as you see them in action. She calls your notes and hypotheses "fairy tales for students." But one day, you enter the enclosure of a young specimen unarmed, and for the first time, it doesn't growl. Vi begins to see you differently.

• The two of you argue constantly.

You cite data, she cites her own experience. At first with irritation, then with enthusiasm. After a couple of weeks, the arguments become a habit: coffee, enclosures, swearing, ironic smiles. Your notebook and her rough voice are a strangely harmonious combination.

• Vi begins to wait for your notes.

Although she pretends not to. Sometimes you notice that she has taken your notebook, crossed out some of the formulas, and written: "If you think this works, let's check it out. Tomorrow at 7. Don't be late, professor." The moment you read it, you felt your face turn redder than a tomato.

[girlfromflor]

56 DAYS (sjy) | PREQUEL

pairing: enemie!jake x fem!reader | part one and part two

summary: after your best friend jay made you share an apartment with jake – “the guy you don’t like” –, you have to decide whether you should or not give into the feelings he makes you experience, something possibly pleasant and definitely memorable.

genre: "enemies" (reader is in denial) to lovers, accidental roommates, summer love, also has a bit of angst

warnings: none except tension, a bit of angst and bestfriend!jay (yes, he's a warning himself), its mentioned that reader likes to be alone

wc: 1532 | playlist: 56 days.

a/n: this works like a prequel, i guess. also english is not my first language, let me know if there are any mistakes, please? tell me if you wanna be tagged in the sequel♡

sharing an apartment with a man is quite an experience. with your best friend jay it’s not at all simple and with his best friend jake it’s even less so. jay can be both an angel and a demon when he wishes and you can bet he really wanted to this time. a couple of weeks after you two started living together, he decided he would travel to his hometown. and you wonder how he could run away at the first opportunity he got. well, it’s not like he’s moving out. however, spending your summer break in another country when your best friend needs help and support is not exactly the best way to prove yourself as a nice roommate – or an exemplary best friend, for that matter. jay always been a present and honest friend with you, you could always rely on him for all the things you needed. although, it was constantly obvious he didn’t support how you lived your love life, according to him you “don’t know how to enjoy what life has to offer”.

ever since you graduated high school and started college he keeps bugging you to go on a date with one of his closest friends, jake. you, on the other hand, had an impenetrable reluctance when it came to this certain topic. you had met jake through jay, who met him at college. you didn’t know much about jake’s life, except the fact that he shared majors with jay. you did have a strong opinion about his personality though and you could describe it in three main ways: he is incorrigible, absolutely cocky and totally enchanted by you – apparently, at least. that’s what he demonstrated every time you both met and maybe it was for that exact same reason that you made it so explicitly clear you didn’t like him. which is a total and complete lie. you have nothing against him, if anything you think he is considerably funny and somewhat intriguing. handsome for sure and even a bit attractive, on a day you were feeling generous. the problem is that he:

doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up;

is exhaustively insistent;

wants you really, really, really bad.

and jay knows the latter very well. so much so that he would always say a thing or two just to test the waters and see if your opinion of jake had changed. to see if there was any remote chance you would admit that, deep down, you liked jake’s mischievous and flirtatious ways even just a little bit. which you did, but it wasn’t like you were ever letting them know, especially when you were so used to being alone – being so used to wanting to be alone made it hard to think of him anything other than a nuisance. although, with the way jay talked about how jake thought you were just so cute you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have him for yourself. jay knew you weren’t going to let jake any close to you, since he felt how hesitant you were about people in general. he felt like he had to do his magic and, for both his friends' happiness, he took matters into his own hands.

the first time you’ve realized that jay tried, in a not-so-subtle way, to throw you at jake was at one of the first parties you attended after you entered college. after a few – many – cups, jay was very happy and more than ready to put his cupid abilities into action. with everyone gathered in a circle that looked more like a square and five rounds after an unorganized “truth or dare” had begun, jay knew it was time to test your patience – real hard. 

“dearest best friend, truth or dare?” his drunken voice, a bit more high-pitched than usual, could be heard and you, without really thinking where this would lead to, answered, “dare, jay.”

it was too late to back away and it took you a while to take in everything that unraveled next. when you came to your senses, you were already being locked in with a disoriented looking jake, who had just been dragged from the makeshift dance floor to the bathroom you would share for the following seven minutes. jake released a laugh that was a mix of disbelief and pure amusement. although he had talked jay’s ear off about how pretty he thought you were and that he would never deny a kiss of yours, he didn’t really expect something to happen. he didn’t expect jay to make you two meet at the party, let alone in such a specific way. but he wouldn’t waste this opportunity in a thousand years. it had been weeks since he accidentally ran into you in the college hallways while looking for jay, who was conveniently walking next to you. that was when jay introduced you two and since then, jake hadn’t been able to get you out of his head. “hey there, pretty,” he said, still smiling.

“why are you laughing, huh?” you asked, clearly uncomfortable at having to share such a small space with someone you barely knew, but deep down grateful that that someone was jake – because despite it being an embarrassing situation, you trusted that he would never hurt you.

“it’s nothing…” he answered you, but that wasn’t going to do it. so he felt obligated to add up an almost inaudible “i’m just happy… that you’re here.” 

and you sighed, pissed off by how easily that simple phrase managed to get to you. “shut up, jake.” sounding low-key aggressive and rolling your eyes, you pressed your back against the door and carried on, “don’t treat me like that, i won't fall for your charms.”

he faked being completely offended, his eyes comically widened and his hand exaggeratedly splaying over his chest, right over his heart. “do you think i'm trying to charm you? me of all people?” though after his little act of innocence he went back to having that smug look on his face and added, “i think you’re too conceited, pretty.” his feet moved to slowly approach you and you immediately regretted the position you chose to stay in, because now you were cornered. his hands moved up to support themselves against the door, one on each side of your head and since you had no way out, you tried your best not to look at his inviting mouth – the one that looked way too kissable for his own good and that was getting closer and closer. 

“and just how well do you know me to state that? nearly nothing, right?” you spoke, but your voice was nothing more than a whisper. a small pout formed on your lips, out of pure spite for not wanting to stay there with him much longer, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself. you wanted to kiss him, you needed that.

jake, on the other hand, seemed like he was having the time of his life. your body was contradicting every word you ever said and he wanted so badly to tease you, just a little bit more. just enough to make you give in to your obvious wishes. “oh princess, don’t talk to me like that. if you haven’t noticed, that’s exactly what i'm trying to do here…” one of his hands left the door to play with a loose strand of your hair and your whole body tensed. “you know? trying to get to know you better… but you won’t help me.” and you could feel his warm breath on your cheek. that was it, you were going to kiss jake at that very moment and not an inch in your body seemed to be against it.

only, you didn’t kiss. much to the boy’s dismay – and, secretly, yours too – you were interrupted. the sound of the key unlocking the door was deafening in the deep silence that had hung between you both. jake felt pure anger bubble up inside him at the missed opportunity. you looked around the room, flustered, trying to compose yourself as if you were guilty of something that didn’t even happen and jake backed away from you, even though his whole body begged otherwise. jay’s voice was a very needed welcome and you managed to release a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding. as you turned your back on jake and left the room in a hurry, you lightly caressed your heart over your shirt, in a failed attempt to try and soothe it’s uncontrollable rhythm. jake was left speechless and slightly out of breath, trying really hard not to run after you as he glared jay.

but jay was too curious to notice, eagerly asking “dude, what happened? you look like you ran a marathon…”

jake only sighed, then he spoke, “nothing happened. like, literally nothing…” and as he softly pushed past jay, he tried to ignore the annoying ache in his heart, forcing himself to think that there was nothing to worry about, this wasn’t the end yet – ‘i will have another chance’, that’s all that went through his mind.

[blowtorchappliedtosugar]

Purgatory- Joel Miller x F!Reader

𝖕𝖚𝖗𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞 (4.1k words)

Summary: You were a tried and true catholic even despite the apocalypse, and Joel had slowly learned to accept it. 

Warnings: LOTS OF RELIGIOUS JOKES/REFERENCES, a lot of blasphemy whoops. Explicit smut, unprotected sex, slight dom/sub undertones, does this count as religious smut? pinv sex, oral, fingering, language, barely beta read lmfao

Author’s Note: this is pretty much just filled with Tyler Childers references, sorry in advance LOL. This is also my first tumblr fic as well as my first Pedro/Joel fic <3 

(P.S. If you really like these vibes, I wrote this almost entirely off of two Tyler Childers songs: Purgatory, and Feathered Indians. Def recommend listening to this while listening to the Purgatory album <3)

Nobody in the town really could figure Joel out. He was outwardly grumpy and cold, but he had a soft underbelly of kindness and warmth that came out when you really got to know him.

For example, you. You were everything Joel wasn’t. A girl, younger than him, short, long hair, soft features… and a devoted catholic.

It wasn’t common out here. Most people knew God abandoned everyone long ago and had lost hope. It was a waste of time at best and borderline offensive at worst. But the rosary around your neck never left, and you prayed every day and night.

You couldn’t blame anyone for not being faithful. You had spent many nights awake, questioning yourself and your religion, wondering why you couldn’t let this go like everyone else had.

But it just… stuck. You worked as a nurse in Jackson, spending your days faced with death and sickness and pain. It was all worth it, of course, and it was necessary work, but if saying a few prayers after each patient made you feel a little more human, you figured it wasn’t that bad.

Joel was certainly off put by your beliefs. He saw your rosary and he assumed you were another insane fanatic who was lucky to not find herself in one of those Seraphite cults he’d heard of. He wanted nothing to do with you, and he was certain you could simply sense that he was filled head to toe with sin and keep the distance yourself.

You refused to keep your distance. You didn’t see him as evil or sinful. You saw him as a sad, lonely person who had undoubtedly seen so many horrible things in his life. You couldn’t give a single damn if he believed or not.

It took him a while. A longwhile- about 8 months of leaving baked goods on his doorstep, getting to know Ellie, offering gardening help. Pretty much anything you could think of to make him interested in actually getting to know you.

It took him getting insanely sick in December for him to finally realize that you were just a caring soul with a big heart, not interested in scolding him or converting him. You sent Ellie to her room in the garage, insisting she stay away so as to not get sick, and cooked every one of Joel’s meals for two weeks. You brought his medicine, new water, washcloths and blankets to fight the fevers and chills. When he started to feel better- but not well enough to get out of bed yet- you brought him books, crosswords, and journals to entertain himself.

By the end of it, Joel felt like he was seeing you for the first time. Seeing who you truly were, and not just seeing you as some scared and shy woman. You were the only person he had ever met, especially now that the world was an apocalyptic wasteland, that was so selfless and giving.

Ever since, the two of you had a… friendship… of sorts. You brought him and Ellie goodies, he brought you ingredients and fixed things around your house for you. It just worked, and you never had to think too much about it.

Until you did start thinking about it. Too much. You thought about his strong, worn hands. Hands that you wondered how would feel wrapped around your waist, or your legs, or inside you. 

You were absolutely fucked. He was nearly 30 years older than you, and he certainly had no interest in chasing some random girl who couldn’t leave him alone. 

Except, you had only assumed as much. But one night, while Ellie was away at one of her friend’s houses, Joel had convinced you to have a glass of whiskey with him. And you, being the lightweight you were, slurred your way through a drunken confession about how badly you dreamt of him. 

Joel’s eyes twinkled as you mumbled your love affair with his hands and arms, listening intently. 

Truth was, he had eyes for you since the moment he saw you. Your soft lips and gorgeous eyes had him drawn in since the very first moment. 

You woke up in his bed, but the night ended with nothing more than a hot and heavy make out session. Joel was a gentleman through and through. He wanted you to remember when he fucked you, anyway. 

You both insisted the relationship go slow and steady, but the way he was wrapped around your finger was instantaneous. The secret was out as soon as Ellie put two and two together, and you moved into their house only a couple weeks later. 

It was unusual, the way you and Joel just… got along. As mentioned, he was rough around the edges and stern and grumpy. You were emotional and affectionate and sunny. You brought sunshine into the house again, and often were the only source of peace when Ellie and Joel had their disagreements. 

And he was surprisingly accepting of your faith. In fact, especially at the beginning of the relationship, you had kept it strictly to yourself. But as you began to open up and learn more about each other, his curiosity and mindfulness did as well. 

It started with small questions, laced with the usual judgement and failure to understand. How could you possibly believe? Why would you do that to yourself? 

You answered every question with patience, and Joel seemed to find peace with it over time. He would never believe himself, and that was more than okay with you. But he loved you, and he respected your faith. He let you keep your bible on the bedside table, surrounded by the bottles of beer he would drink while you both sat quietly in bed reading, or chatting, or tracing every square inch of each other's skin.

He was hopelessly in love with you, and he wanted to give you the world. 

Your favorite was like today, when Ellie decided to go out for the weekends- undoubtedly up to some kind of mischief with her friends. Joel was always on patrol until 4 on Fridays, giving you enough time to get home from the clinic and start dinner. 

Him walking in the door to the scent of a warm dinner and you in one of his flannels and a pair of shorts was practically heaven on earth. 

You hum to yourself as he leaves his muddy boots at the door. He felt like a horny teenager all over again, sauntering up behind you to wrap his arms around your waist while you cut the vegetables up. 

“Catholic girl, pray for me. You’re my only hope for heaven,” He says, grinning while he places soft kisses against your neck. He always managed to say the things that made your knees go weak. 

His hands trail from your rosary down your chest, tracing his fingers over your stomach. You could feel the back of his belt buckle pressing into your thigh, leaving an impression you wish would never disappear.

“Joel… dinner first.” You murmured unconvincingly, pressing into his kisses.

“Just appreciating what God put on this earth for me. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that, is there, darlin’?” 

You felt yourself blush hard. He knew exactly which buttons to press to get you to surrender. 

“No, of course not…” You replied, feeling his touch get lighter and less purposeful. It left goosebumps forming. 

You found yourself grabbing for his retreating hands almost instantly, longing to have the warmth back. Joel chuckled but allowed you to pull him back in. 

“Oh, no, baby. I thought you had to finish dinner. Can’t finish dinner with me all over you.” 

“Can to. Just let me…” You moved to the side slightly, his fingers still attached to your hips, throwing the cut vegetables into the soup pot boiling on the stove. You replace the lid and return to your spot in between his legs, this time facing him. “See? Now we have all the time in the world.” Your smile grew as you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding onto him as if he would disappear. 

His hands, in the meanwhile, wrapped around the rosary around your neck. One of his nervous habits was to play with it, absentmindedly running his hands over the beads. His eyes didn’t meet yours until you put one of your hands on his face, soft fingers meeting the rough and harsh hairs of his greying beard. 

He smiles softly, finally meeting your gaze. You swore he had the most gorgeous eyes, eyes that had cried so many tears, that had seen such horrible things. You were the only thing he wanted to see, standing in front of him for the rest of his life- however long that may be. 

You may believe that there was a heaven beyond this life, but Joel was sure that you were his heaven. 

You brought your lips to his, kissing him gently. Usually your kisses were sensual and desperate, but this was slow. A type of intimacy that was rare for the two of you. 

He pulled away only when he had to. You could feel his erection fluffing up against you. “Ellie…” He mumbled, knowing that if this were to keep going, it would have to be taken to the bedroom.

“Ellie’s over at someone’s house. We got the house to ourselves this weekend.” You assured before sinking to your knees in front of him. 

He smiled down at you, hands smoothing through your hair. “Someone’s house? We really need to be better about watching that girl…” He sighed. 

“Hey… Turn the dad mode off. You’ve got me to yourself for an entire weekend. No work, no chores, no interruptions. You can worry about Ellie at 8 A.M. Monday morning.” You say, beginning to pull at his belt.

He couldn’t help but chuckle, his eyes going dark. He never would’ve bet that the shy, God-fearing girl he met those years ago would be in his kitchen, on her knees, looking at him like he hung the stars. 

You continued unbuckling his belt and opening his jeans, pulling down his boxers enough to expose him. 

He was thick, and you breathed in the scent of his musk. He always teased you, but you constantly found yourself all over him when he got back from patrol, all sweaty from hard work and sunshine. You could’ve sworn that the pheromones or something drove you insane. 

Much like kissing, you very rarely had the chance to take your time when giving Joel head. Usually it was quick, sloppy bedtime blowjobs, just to hold both of you over when you didn’t have time to fuck. 

This was the exact opposite. You had all the time in the world, and you intended on making him aware of that. 

His breath hitched when you licked a strip from his shaft to his tip, just taking in the taste against your tongue. It was salty against your mouth, encouraging you to taste more. You let your tongue run between the space between his tip and the rest of his cock, worshipping every last inch. You felt the way he throbbed against you, already struggling to keep his composure. 

That was exactly what you wanted, though. Usually you didn’t have the opportunity to build him up, flip that switch and make him take control. You wanted to feel him for the next week. 

“Fuck, baby, I can’t handle all that kitten lick shit. I’ve had a long day at work, darlin’.” He sighed, grip on your hair tightening. 

You smirked up at him, biting your lip and instead pressing the side of his cock against your face. “Hm? I’m not doing anything.” 

His jaw tightened after a moment, realizing what you were doing. 

“I’m going to give you one more chance, babygirl. Be a good girl for me, sunshine. I know you can.” 

You didn’t let the smirk fall from your face. You pulled back slightly, paying close attention to how Joel was unsure of what your next move was, and then took him entirely in your mouth. No warming up, no acclimatizing. Just his tip straight to the back of your throat. You gagged, of course. Hard. His hand practically pulled some hair out with how hard it gripped your scalp, not expecting such amazing stimulation. He grunted out a series of curse words, pulling you off of his dick. 

He had to catch his breath for a moment, being reminded of his age. He stared down at you, and you could practically already see what was coming.

“Fuck… I fucking told you, baby. Just can’t fucking behave, can you?” The malice in his voice thrilled you straight to your core. He was so good at playing this part, at creating this anger and dominance, it always made you feel like you were floating. 

As painful as it was, he tucked himself back in his jeans, wincing. You were still catching your own breath when he hauled you up, handling you like a rag-doll as he held your hands together. He turned you away from him before gently slamming you against the counter, crowded by his body behind you. The counter was just high enough for you to be bent at the waist.

He made quick work of your skirt and panties, pulling it off of you, but he left your top in place for the time being. Instead of bothering with anything else, he found his place behind you again, pulling your top half against him. He was just a bit taller than you, so his nose rested against the top of your head. 

“Now, I’m only going to say this one time, darlin’. You listening?” He asked, gripping your face tightly. 

You nod, your heart speeding up. Feeling his rough fingers against your face was nothing short of incredible. “Yes, Joel. I’m listening.”

“You better tell whatever God you believe in- whatever God is up there right now, to look away. ‘Cause the things I’m gonna do to you, sunshine…” He trailed off with a sleazy whistle, and you felt your heart drop to your stomach. You practically rolled your eyes back. 

“Fuck, Joel…” You gasped, wiggling your hips back in an attempt to speed him up. 

All it did was make him laugh and grab onto your hips. “Mm, cursing… Not very holy.” He teases. 

“Fuck you,” You reply quickly. He sniffs, trying to hide his obvious amusement. 

“Other way around, darlin’.” He finally returns his fingers to the rosary, but this time, he trails them down after rolling a few of the beads. Instead, his fingers dip into your shirt, pulling the hem down to find your breasts. 

“Always so perfect. Made just for me, huh?” He comments, feeling you relax against him as he squeezes and prods at your tits. 

“Just for you…” You nodded, feeling the pleasure start to take over your brain. 

You particularly loved when he did this to you; made you stop thinking about anything else but him. It was the break you needed, the peace that praying couldn’t bring you. 

You moaned softly, his fingers bringing so much titillation but not enough at the same time. He could sense the way your mind went dumb for him. 

“Joel, please…” You whimper, starting to feel desperate. 

“Shhh, darlin’. Y’don’t gotta beg. I know what you need.” 

He bends you back over the counter, pressing his back against yours again. He only moves back to remove his aching cock from the confines of his jeans. He kicked his jeans and boxers off, leaving you chuckling as you craned your neck to watch him throw his shirt to some corner of the kitchen. 

He smiled back at your grin, wanting to wipe it right off of your face. He quickly spit onto his fingers, finding your cunt dripping for him already. He, copying your move earlier, had no hesitation or reluctance to shove to fingers inside of you.

You yelped, mainly out of surprise. He quickly found your spot and was curling against it, watching as your eyes rolled back, not expecting him to be so precise and quick. 

“Not so funny, is it, sunshine?” He questioned rhetorically, eyes lighting up watching and feeling you grind against his fingers, your greedy pussy begging for more. 

“Joel, please… Want you inside me. Need it, God, I fucking need it.” You cried out. 

“God’s not here, darlin’. Just me. And ‘m gonna fill you up.” 

He pulled his fingers out of you after feeling you squeeze them so perfectly a few more times. Unable to stand waiting much more himself, he finally guided his cock towards your cunt. 

You felt the stretch as he breached you, the delicious contracting of your walls pulling him in. It made the back of his neck tingle. He was unable to hold back moans of his own, already feeling so destroyed by the warm perfection of you. 

He reached the hilt, trying to go slow as to not hurt you, but you were both pretty wrecked. 

He thrusted slowly, just wanting to feel the absolute bliss of the tight drag. Wanting to feel every last inch of being inside you. It felt like you were built just for him, perfectly made just for his pleasure. 

Meanwhile, the feeling of his tip crowding against your spot was practically ethereal. You arched your back aimlessly. 

Joel was lost for a few moments in the ecstasy, but after a minute he came to and realized that you still had your shirt on. He wanted this slow and he wanted to be able to feel every centimeter of your flesh, not a single thing covered by fabric, as God had made the both of you. He wanted to become one. 

“Joel… Fuck. Need to see you.” You blurted out, your hands resting below you on the counter to support yourself. 

He stopped immediately, not sure why he didn’t have you facing him in the first place. He pulled out, as painful as it was, and flipped you around. The cabinets supported most of your legs, so even though they felt weak, you were still supported while Joel reconfigured. 

“Perfect girl. Just needed to feel me like this, huh?” He asked, before pulling you against him again. Now, your ass rested on the counter and allowed you to wrap your arms and hands around him. 

He pulled your shirt off haphazardly, banishing it to the same corner as his shirt. Your tits pressed against his chest. 

You were both surrounded by each other, hardly a bit of skin that wasn’t touching. It was perfect. 

“Love you so much,” You moaned, taking advantage of having access to his neck by kissing and biting at the skin. His eyes softened, a small smile on his face as he tried to focus.

Your nails found purchase in his back, leaving little indents. You had never been bold enough to ask him straight up, but you were pretty sure that the pain egged him on, as well as the little scratches left over. Like proud battle scars, scars that he wore happily- unlike a lot of the other scars he bore. 

Trying not to get distracted was a difficult task. Feeling you nip and lick as his neck had him closing his eyes, letting his head go slightly slack against yours. 

He managed to line himself back up to your hole, pushing in much more slowly this time. 

And this time, at this angle… Both of you were gasping for breath. All he could manage to do was hold onto you like his life depended on it, probably leaving bruises on you this time too, and roll his hips. 

“I can feel you so fucking deep,” You sigh. 

“Love you more than anything above or below, my sunshine. Fuck.” He groaned. He wanted this slow and sensual, but it was so hard to not just speed up and take you apart. 

Each thrust was punishing, though. The slow pace managed to accumulate so much more power and the lingering build up had you struggling to breathe after only a couple minutes. 

“Can feel you, y’know? Gonna come fr’me, angel? Show me how good it is, darlin’.” He encouraged, feeling your pussy start to stutter deliciously. 

As if feeling him fuck you to hell and back wasn’t enough, his grunts and groans in your ear could’ve made you come all on their own. You felt the tension build in your stomach, desperation taking over.

You chanted his name as you came, and he resorted to grinding his cock inside you instead of long, hard thrusts, which made you see stars.

Joel had to grit his teeth to not come then and there, almost going completely feral at the feeling of your orgasm. 

Once you felt like you could properly breathe and see again, you realized he was holding off just for you. The feeling made your cunt spasm again, and you couldn’t help but chuckle as he responded. 

You wanted him to use you. You wanted to feel that carnal heat of sin, the type of sin that made you feel like bathing in holy water wouldn’t save you. 

“Joel… Wanna feel you come inside me. Please. Make me yours? Want everyone to know.” You whispered, taking your turn to encourage him. 

He groaned, starting to speed up, bouncing you against him softly. 

“Everyone to know, huh? Whole town needs to know how I fucked you six ways from Sunday?” He grit out.

He couldn’t handle talking anymore, finally just letting his animalistic instincts take over and thrust into you. The two of you were so close, so together, so… one. 

Maybe this world was some sort of sick purgatory, fighting for your lives and for everything you loved, but being in Joel Miller’s arms was as close to heaven on earth you could possibly get. 

The realization had you feeling dangerously close again. It was almost like he could sense it- either that or he noticed your sobs of pleasure, and one of his hands blindly navigated to your clit. The message was clear, even if he couldn’t use his words anymore, just one more for me, angel, and you came again, your orgasm hitting like a train, feeling the wetness drip onto both of your thighs. 

He moaned loudly, his grunts filling the kitchen while you whimpered at the feeling of him using you. At the last moment, you tangled your fingers in his hair and bringing him even closer as he came, deep inside of you. It was desperate, bestial, but you couldn’t waste another second not kissing his perfect lips. You shoved your tongue in his mouth, tasting him and just taking it in. 

After a couple minutes of heavy breathing and kissing, you both were pretty worn. You both chuckled softly, smiling. 

“Hey, there, pretty girl.” He sighed happily, in a way that made it clear he just got laid. It made you burst out into laughter. 

“Hi there, sexy man.” You nuzzled your nose against him, taking in the smell of his musk again. 

He pulled out softly, setting you on the counter while he grabbed his boxers and your panties and top. He pulled his boxers back on before kneeling to help pull your panties back up, but not without leaving trails of kisses on your thighs and stomach. He pulled your top back on after that, but secretly wished he could convince you to keep it off the rest of the night. 

You smiled and bit your lip the entire time, feeling like a giddy teenager the entire time. He was so perfect at taking you apart, but also incredibly perfect at building you right back up, making you safe and comfortable. 

Your legs, surprisingly, were not that wobbly when you hopped down from the counter, holding onto his arm. 

“Go sit down and relax now. You must be exhausted from patrol.” You command, shooing him away. 

He put his arms up in surrender, not wanting to argue with the idea of curling up on the couch while you finished dinner, but his smirk didn’t drop. 

He slapped your ass before you even knew it was coming, and said, “Y’know, next time you want to feel the Holy Spirit enter you, you could just ask nicely.” He said. 

In the end, you decided that it didn’t really matter where you ended up in the afterlife- heaven or hell, it was all the same. What mattered was whether Joel was by your side in this life. 

[crowsofdarkness]

Cam Boy! Bill Skarsgard: Bill sends you naughty texts while you're on a date-Part Six

-pics not mine.-

Pairings: CamBoy!Bill Skarsgard x Viewer!Reader

Summary: Bill isn't ashamed of the work he does, showcasing his body online for anyone willing to pay. His number one rule was never to make a connection with anyone who either sent him messages or paid for private one-on-one video sessions. That was until you decided to request a certain private session.

Content Warnings: 18+ smut which includes Bill having an only fans page, masturbation, phone sex, virtual sex, and language.

Authors Note: this is a limited mini-series, just a bunch of blurbs that take place in this universe. i'm not sure exactly how long this will be. tags will be open for this if anyone is interested!

Tags: @loushaw131460 @hatterripper31 @felicity-lemons-thoughts @malenoradgn @unlimitedlust

CamBoy!Bill masterlist.

I tried so hard to pay attention to what my date was rambling on about but my mind had been elsewhere. More so, the buzzing phone on my lap. It was so wrong of me not to give my attention to my date especially when I saw text after text appear on the screen. We were seated in a pretty busy restaurant, others chatting amongst themselves during their own dates. 

“So then I told him,” John, my date, continued to ramble on, “If you want to buy this house, you need to put in an offer because there are plenty of other people who want it. Then bam, less than two hours later, I sold a three million dollar home. It’s all about pressuring them.” 

I let out a fake amused hum and took a large gulp of my wine with hopes that it would speed up the rest of this date so I could go back home. This was already gearing up to be disaster date number three this week and honestly, I was fucking over it. I was tired of the self centered men that spent most of the time boosting their own egos to even ask how I liked my food. 

“Are you going to finish that?” John pointed to my now cold steak but before I could answer, his fork stabbed into the meat and nearly inhaled it. 

Not being able to hide my disgust, I pushed away my plate and dared a glance down at my phone on my lap just as a new text from Bill came through. 

Bill: How’s the date?

Biting my lip, I felt the heaviness of my heart deep inside of my chest. We hadn’t spoken much this last week because I wanted to give my time and attention towards other men yet every time I tried, all I could think about was Bill. He apologised quite a few times for the collab he did with the one female creator and after the third apology, I reassured him that he didn’t need to since I told him I was fine with it. Bill was mostly upset with himself that his choice hurt me to which again I assured him we weren’t dating so it was fine. 

It wasn’t but I tried to tell myself it was. 

I thought I had a good chance of moving on until John opened his mouth the second I sat down at the table. 

“Oh, damn. I hate that color green on you. It does absolutely nothing to flatter you,” he shuddered while looking over my silk dress. 

Maybe there was a reason why none of these dates worked out. Yes, every one of these men were downright disgusting and egotistical but there was another reason that had been slowly lingering in the back of my mind until I was ready to admit it. 

I wanted Bill and from the voicemail he left me this morning when I woke up told me he wanted me. 

“Good morning. I hope you slept well. I know you’re trying to move on and I completely understand that. I support whatever you want but I can’t with good faith watch that happen without telling you how I feel. I like you, Y/N. I want more of whatever this relationship was in the beginning. I want to be able to call you mine. Only if you want that. I’ll let you go. I’ll have my phone with me if you want to give me an answer. Have a great day, angel.”

Out of the entire voicemail, the only thing I could be hung up on was Bill’s nickname for me. 

Angel. 

It set my entire soul ablaze. It ignited a part of me that lay dormant. I wanted to hear him say it every day for the rest of my life. 

Okay, the rest of my life might be a stretch but maybe we will get there. Eventually. 

Noticing that John still wasn’t really paying attention to me, I began texting Bill underneath the table. 

Me: I want to stab my eyes out with my butter knife so I don’t have to look at him anymore. 

Me: No, I actually want to pour this candle wax in my ears so I don’t have to hear him talk about himself for a goddamn second more. 

Bill: Please don’t do that. Your eyes are so beautiful and I’d be unable to get lost in them. 

I internally rolled my eyes before replying. 

Me: That is the cheesiest pick up line I’ve ever heard. 

Bill: Did it work?

Now, I bit my lip and slowly leaned down in my chair, hiding my phone more. John still had no idea I’d been texting someone on our date. 

Me: I don’t know. I might need something else to help. 

When Bill didn’t respond, I began eating a few of the croutons from my cesar salad, picking them out with my fingers. 

“Christ, Y/N. Use a damn fork,” John chastised me with a disgusted look. 

Maybe the fork would look better in his eyes. 

Instead of saying anything back, I stuffed my face with four more croutons, all while using my fingers, and ignored him as he grumbled something under his breath about needing more wine. While he demanded the waiter to bring us a bottle, my phone buzzed. 

Bill: Would this help?

Attached to the text was a picture, one I nearly giggled at because he looked so damn cute. 

Me: Hm, close. But not quite. 

Before I could even lock my screen, another picture appeared, only this one, Bill was shirtless, showcasing the hardlines of his abs and the dark hairs that led from his belly button down to the v-line of his hips that were barely covered by a blanket. 

So this is how he wants to play. Well, two can play at that game. 

If I tried to take a picture at this angle of my phone hidden underneath the table, it would give me like six double chins so instead, I looked through the countless mirror selfies I took before leaving for this date. It wasn't anything risque but my dress sure was. The low exposed back showed off my entire back and it was cut kind of low in the front to show off the top of my breast. It flowed out at the bottom at mid thigh. My hair was pinned up with a few loose curls falling and my make up was done light but I was sporting a blood red lip. I felt incredibly pretty, that was until John opened his mouth. 

Not bothering to attach words to the text, I sent the picture and sat my phone facedown on my lap just as the waiter brought us a new bottle of wine. Instead of John pouring me a glass like I thought he would, the waiter did and I thanked him with a genuine smile. 

“Did you forget you’re on a date with me?” John somewhat snapped after the waiter left. 

“Excuse me?” I asked with furrowed brows. “I smiled at him, calm down.” 

If only he knew what I was doing on my phone underneath the table. 

“Whatever,” John grumbled before pulling out his phone as it began ringing from his pocket. “I need to take this.” 

Expecting him to get up and leave the table, I was surprised to see he answered it while at the table. He did not care how loud he was as he conversed on the phone, gaining a few stares from people around us. 

Hiding the snarl behind my wine glass, I took a large gulp just as I picked up my phone when it went off. Nearly  choking on the wine, it burning going down the wrong pipe, I began sputtering the red liquid over the white table cloth. John once more looked at me with disgust but did nothing about it. 

Fuck him. Fuck this date. I was so over it especially with what Bill had just texted me. 

Bill: Holy fucking shit, angel. You look fucking devine. I’ve said before, green is your color. I’m setting this picture as my background. 

Then a screenshot appeared with the lock screen of his phone showing that picture. 

But that wasn’t what had me choking on my wine. It was the next picture he sent. His hand wrapped around his very hard cock, smeared precum over the slit. 

Bill: Do you see what you do to me, angel? One look at that picture has me so fucking hard. 

Patting the sweat away from my neck with a napkin, I quickly worked out a new text as John finished his phone conversation. 

Me: I choked on my wine. Give a girl a warning, will ya?

Bill: I’d love to have you choking on my cock instead.

My entire body flushed with heat and I felt the burn between my legs, desperate to have his cock there. 

Bill: Go to the bathroom and facetime me. I want you to watch as I cum in my hand. 

Don’t have to tell me twice. 

“I’m going to order us some desert. You’ll eat the tiramisu,” John basically demanded while waving down the waiter. 

“I need to use the bathroom,” I said while rising from the chair with my things, not having intentions of coming back. 

Safely inside of the one person bathroom, I locked the door behind me and then leaned against the bathroom counter while immediately facetiming Bill. The speed he answered was kind of remarkable and I was about to comment on it when the sounds of his pretty moans echoed loudly in the bathroom. 

“There’s my angel,” he breathed, showing the camera directly on his cock. 

He must have started without me because he’d been dragging his hand up and down pretty slowly. 

“Oh shit,” I stuttered at the sight. 

“I wasn’t kidding. One look at that picture had me nearly spilling in my pants. Can you put the phone down on the ground so I could look at your pretty cunt?” 

With a quick flick of my eyes to the bathroom door, I made sure it was locked and then positioned my phone on the ground so it could look up at my dress. I also put in one of my airpods because no one walkling by needed to hear Bill’s sinful moans. 

“Touch yourself,” Bill ordered with a raspy breath, the speed and grip on his cock intensifying. 

Pushing my panties to the side, I pressed two fingers on my already wet clit. My fingers danced over it with a familiar speed and I let my head fall back slightly with a moan falling from my lips. But realizing I wouldn’t be able to watch him, I looked back down at my phone. He must have had his LED lights on because his body was bathed in red. 

“I’ve missed this,” I admitted, body spasming as I felt my orgasm slowly creeping on the edges. 

“Fuck,” Bill cursed while pulling down the extra skin around his cock to the base and held it there for a long moment. “I’ve missed it too, Y/N.” 

“I’m gonna-,” the words trailed off my lips as they fell open. 

“Let go, angel. Call out my name into your hand, not that asshole. My name!” Bill demanded. 

“Bill!” 

I, in fact, did not cry it out into my hand but into the air. There was absolutely no way someone did not hear that if they were on the other side of the door. 

“That’s my good girl. You did so well,” he praised while I fell to my knees on the floor and reached for my phone. 

“You’re mine, you hear me? No more bullshit or games. Your mine and I’m yours,” Bill said right before spilling inside of his hand, making a mess of cum between his fingers. 

I hummed in sheer post orgsmic haze while watching the entire thing. “I think I’ve always been yours, Bill.”

With a promise to call him once I’m home, I ended the call to  gather myself and smoothed out my dress. As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I came to a halt before nearly running into a body. 

A very irate looking John, his face was red and contorted. 

Oh, he definitely heard my moan Bill’s name. 

Not bothering to give him the chance to talk, I pushed past him, not too nicely while only saying three words. 

“Don’t call me.” 

I didn’t bother to stay to see if he would retort. I had another phone call date waiting for me once I was home.

[nolita-fairytale]

burn your life down | chef luca x fem!reader | chapter three

summary: while you and luca seek inspiration outside of the kitchen, you finally share a piece of yourself with him.

warnings: fluff, eventual smut, eventual angst not use of y/n, conversations about divorce, second person pov, swearing, danish inaccuracies, very little connection to the world of the bear.

word count: 2.2k

a/n: thank you again for all the shares, reblogs, comments! let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist!

part two | masterlist | part four

It’s been a month or so since Luca’s tasting menu for one, and he’s been nothing but a good thing in your life: a friend, a collaborator, a regular diner who gives fantastic feedback. You’ve become fast friends, and after what he did for you, how could you not? You find yourself spending days off with him at a more frequent pace as of late: enjoying cups of coffee, perusing bookstores, following Luca on bicycle as he shows you the city’s lesser known, yet spectacular bakeries. He gives you a heads up when he can’t make it into the restaurant, but most Saturdays, he continues to make his regular Saturday 7 pm date week after week. 

Some days you make him something off-menu – something you’re working on, something you’re recipe testing, a dish you’ve bounced ideas around with him over – and other days he’s eager to try whatever new thing you’ve just added to your menu, insisting for you not to go through the trouble of whipping up anything else. It’s a special relationship – something only food-people can understand – and you’re glad that Luca entered your life. 

“Hey, your boyfriend’s here,” Jesper says, interrupting your dinner prep as he grabs your attention. 

“My what?” you ask him, with no clue in the world what he’s talking about. 

“Luca,” he answers plainly, as you and Mathilde both exchange a look. 

“Shut up, Jesper,” you both snap in unison, shooting a glare his way. 

You exchange another look with Mathilde, almost as if to say: you good? She nods towards the front of house as if to say: yes, I’ve got this covered. 

“Yeah, give me a second and I’ll be right out,” you finally direct towards Jesper, as you put down your knife. You reach a stopping point, wiping your hands on your apron, as you leave behind the Mikkelson twins bickering about what Jesper’s previous comment. 

Something about ‘you baby her’ from Jesper and a ‘you’re going to scare her away and this is a good thing, you idiot’ from Mathilde in return. At least that’s what you’re able to make out from your basic Danish language skills (you’re working on it, you swear, and right now you know enough to get by in the kitchen and that’s enough)!

You spot Luca with a package tucked underneath his arm as he leans up against the front door, waiting for you. 

“Hi,” you greet him, choosing to ignore the fact that your heart skips a beat as soon as you see him. 

“Hey. I was on my way to the post office around the corner. Thought I’d stop in and say hello,” he replies with that ever-charming crooked smile of his. 

“No, yeah, I-. I’m glad you did,” you return, unable to hide the smile that spreads across your lips. 

You don’t want to make a big deal out of it, especially if this is somehow something you’ve made up entirely in your head, but it seems as if Luca’s found different ways – different excuses – to stop in more and more frequently as of late. 

“What’s in the box?” you ask him, curiously, gesturing to the package he holds underneath his arm. 

“Remember that American I was telling you about? The one who came to stage?” he asks, looking down for a moment. 

“Yeah.”

“His restaurant opening is this week. Wanted to send this off. As a gift.”

“That’s kind of you.”

He blushes, just for a moment. 

“Think we’ve lost touch with the art of a handwritten note. A novelty these days,” he says, with a quick raise of both eyebrows. 

“Absolutely. I mean… it worked on me,” you chuckle, immediately regretting what’s come out of your mouth. 

You’re not sure why you said it and what exactly it is that worked on you you’re referring to, but it’s too late to take it back. 

“Yeah, I’ve got him to thank, really,” he chuckles, almost shyly. Taking a bolder approach as he continues with, “For reminding me to walk the walk. For bringing me to you.”

You pause, your heart catching in your throat. In the event of fight, flight, and freeze, it really feels like you’re choosing ‘freeze’ whenever Luca’s been around.

“I bet you’re a really great teacher,” are the words that fall out of your mouth, immediately regretting them for how silly your response sounds. 

“So was he,” he parries back. 

“Sure,” you nod, still reeling from whatever the hell came out of your mouth a moment ago. 

Your disconcerting slip-of-the-tongue seems to leave an uncomfortable silence between the two of you, tip-toeing around each other, unsure of who should make the next move. 

“Anyways,” Luca clears his throat, collecting himself. “I ehm, gotta get going. Gotta get back to the restaurant here in a few. It was good seeing you today.”

“You too,” is all you reply, frozen and stuck in your own head. 

What the hell is wrong with you? You think to yourself as you watch him go. 

“Luca, wait,” you say, pushing through the front door to your restaurant as you chase after him. 

He turns back towards you, a kind of ‘did I leave something behind?’ look on his face. 

“I can’t stop thinking…” you trail off, taking a breath before you continue your sentence, leaving Luca unsure of what you’ll say next. 

“...about that dish you’re stuck on. And about what you said.. about finding inspiration. Being open to… you know, what’s out there.”

“Yeah?” he asks, smiling at the thought of you thinking of him. 

“Yeah I… I think I have an idea,” you declare boldly. 

And it may be a baby step, but it’s a baby step towards him, towards who knows what, towards whatever’s ahead of you. 

-------------------------------

You pitch the idea to Luca –  to explore different mediums of art as a way of seeking out inspiration (and maybe it’s just another excuse to see him too) – and after a few weeks of busy schedules, covering at the restaurant for coworkers-on-holiday, and lining up days off, you and Luca finally make it happen. It’s been over a year now, since the restaurant opened – and almost two since you came to Copenhagen in pursuit of a dream.

“Wait a second. So you haven’t read Rene Redzepi’s A Work In Progress?” Luca asks incredulously looking for confirmation of the obscene tidbit of information you’ve just revealed to him. 

“No,” you admit, guiltily stealing a glance his way. 

“My god, it’s fascinating! I’ll have to lend you my copy,” he charges forward, solving the problem at hand without question. 

“I’d like that,” you smile, almost to yourself as you think about how much you like being around Luca. “And I’d love to hear about your time at noma – what working under him was like.”

“Uh… that’s maybe a different story for a different time,” he deflects with a chuckle, shooting you a look. “Perhaps after a few pints.”

“Heard,” you nod in understanding, turning to him as the two of you find a good place to post up in the park. You and Luca set your lawn chairs down in Kongens Have, or rather The King’s Garden, right behind a row of other lawn chairs set up that face the tent-covered stage. 

“It’s good to see you,” you finally say, really taking him in. 

“It’s good to see you too. Sorry it’s just working out now,” Luca apologizes emphatically. 

“No, it’s okay! We uh… we’re both busy. We both run restaurants. I mean-, I’m surprised we figured it out in time for the show,” you reply, easily letting him off the hook. 

“This is pretty cool,” he says, taking in your surroundings. “First time here?”

“Yeah I-, I didn’t make it when I first moved here… and then this time last year I had just opened the restaurant so… yeah first time. You?”

“Yeah, first time,” he echoes with a reassuring nod. 

“Really? I just thought-, well, I thought Copenhagen Jazz Fest was like a huge deal here,” you inquire. 

He shrugs, responding with, “I reckon you’re a big jazz fan then, eh?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Have you always been into it or-?” he questions curiously. 

“Uh, no. I… my ex,” you hesitate, figuring you should tell Luca sooner rather than later. “... my ex-husband is a music historian so… I got really into it when we first started seeing each other. 

He balks, only for a moment, hoping you don’t notice the strong reaction that briefly flashes across his face. 

“You were married?” he asks, barely able to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Yeah,” you admit, nervously. 

He waits a beat. 

“Do you… want to talk about it?” he asks carefully, with an honesty and genuine curiosity in his voice. 

“I-I don’t mind. As long as you don’t-,” you stammer, only a little taken aback by the grace he’s shown you. 

“Please,” he encourages, listening carefully. “I like learning about you.”

You freeze for a moment, searching for where to begin, and more than anything, in awe of Luca. 

“We met right after I moved back home to Boston – right after I finished school,” you begin, watching him carefully for any kind of reaction. 

“And it was good. For a long time. But after a few years of being together, his mom got sick and uh… we both decided that we wanted to move to London so that he could help his sisters take care of her. It was just easier… if we got married… with immigration and stuff.”

“But you loved him?”

“Yes,” you answer. “I think… we knew we wanted to stay together… so we took the leap, unafraid of the fact that everything has its expiration date too. Ours just uh, came a little sooner than we expected.”

“What happened?” Luca asks. 

You chuckle dryly, racking your brain for the answer to a question you’ve asked yourself a million times. 

“Um… moving back home changed a lot, I think. And we met when we were so young that I don’t think by the time we were caring for a sick parent together, we realized we didn’t really even know who we were anymore,” you explain, putting words to a feeling that’s live in your heart for so long – long enough that you’ve barely shared them with anyone else. 

“And… I was living in a whole new country without any kind of familiarity. I was homesick, and all of it – it was just really hard on the both of us,” you think through as you speak. 

“I think it just made us realize that we had changed… and that maybe we weren’t the same people who fell in love all those years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Luca apologizes, sending you an empathetic glance. 

“It’s okay,” you’re quick to reassure him. “It was tough. Don’t get me wrong. Like… really tough. But nothing… horribly wrong happened. Some people can grow together.” You pause, only for a moment. “We didn’t. We… weren’t those people, I guess. So we grew apart.”

Luca takes a few moments to process what you’ve just told him with a pensive look on his face – and you can’t blame him. 

He waits a beat, before returning his gaze to you, a respect for you in his eyes: for your honesty, for your story, for your resilience. 

“Are you still in love with him?” he finally asks. 

It’s a good question – an interesting one – and even more interesting that he asked in the first place. 

“There are parts of me that will always love him,” you share, the vulnerability coming more naturally to you as Luca makes you feel more and more comfortable. “He’ll always be a part of me and… I still keep in touch with his family, you know. They became… my family too.” You pause, knowing that you can say this next part with full conviction:

“But to answer your question, no. I'm not… I’m not in love with him anymore.”

Luca nods slowly, almost as if he’s waiting for you to change your mind – to take it back – to say something that convinces him otherwise. But you don’t, and he’s not sure he’ll be able to help himself from giving in to things he’s been feeling for you. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I asked,” Luca finally says. 

“No I-,” you begin. “I’m glad you did. It feels nice… having someone ask.”

He smiles, “Like I said. I like learning about you.”

And with that, the two of you settle into your lawn chairs as the performers make their way onto the stage. There’s a shift – within the crowd, between you and Luca – as the musicians take their places, ready to perform. With the first few notes, the tuning of a guitar, a few keys on the piano, you feel yourself relax a little, encompassed by the warmth of the Copenhagen summer night. 

It’s almost as if telling Luca, sharing this with him, has lifted a weight off of your shoulders – no longer hanging over your head as you go back and forth of when to tell him, and if you should tell him, and thoughts of ‘why the hell are you worrying about this it’s not like he wants to know’. 

Except he did and he does because he wants to know you. 

And tonight, because he asked, because he’s proven to be a great listener, and because he looks so damn good doing it, you might just let him.

-------------------------------

a/n: ok how the hell are we feeling now that we know a little more about reader, her past, and why she's been holding back?! i honestly wanted to write a character that felt fresh, and different from me/my make my heart surrender character SO yeah, this where we're at --second chances at love and a story about opening up again -- with more to come.

[roguishcat]

BG3 Fanfiction Masterlist

(Header and dividers by @saradika)

Mostly Astarion x female Tav or Astarion x my OC, although other characters do make appearances.

Read on AO3

Series

Conversations with a vampire

Summary: Astarion's eyes shot open and he scowled at the child crouched near him. This had to a trick. Because there was no way that a child dressed like a noble would be in a back alley behind the Flophouse at this time at night offering him salvation in the form of a potion of superior healing.

Humor/Friendship/Angst

Rating: Teen. Mild language, mentions of abuse in later chapters, canon compliant violence.

Setting: Set before the events of the game.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Art - chapter 5

OC Wardrobe

Chasing perfection

Chasing perfection is not only impractical but mostly unattainable. Instead of boosting our achievements, it shrinks them. Why? Because when we aim too high, "failure" becomes the norm, chipping away at our self-confidence bit by bit. But then again, maybe perfection is overrated.

Humor/Angst/Romance

Rating: Mature. Mentions of abuse, violence, mature themes. Chapters with smut will be marked red.

Pairing: Astarion/(Fem)Tav

Setting: Act 1 and Act 2

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Dating for Dummies

A one-shot collection detailing Astarion's clumsy attempts to start and maintain a relationship. Modern AU, Humor, Romance, Astarion x Tav.

Brunch - Another, better emotionally equipped male would probably just ask Tav out. Like on an actual proper date at a nice venue rather than sticking to their monthly meeting for brunch as a pathetic excuse for spending time with her. But that was the crux of the problem. Astarion had absolutely zero clue how to be in a relationship.

Thirsty Thursday: Coconut Rum Confessions (MNDI) - Having been just friends with Tav for years, Astarion finally decides to tell her how he really feels.

One-shots

Clumsy - Pairing:Astarion x female Tav. Set in Act I, before Astarion confesses to being a vampire. Tav has always been a little clumsy, but it was nothing too inconvenient until Astarion came along. Since then, whenever Tav’s blood would spill, he would be there.

What books don't teach you (or how to date a wickedly charming vampire if all you know about dating is purely theoretical) - (MNDI, 18+) Unfortunately, having enough smutty fiction to sink a ship did not prepare you for dating (were you even dating?) Astarion. A shy/inexperienced Reader x Astarion fic where both do everything wrong but somehow end up getting it right. Set in Act II (before Astarion's confession).

A welcome distraction - Pairing:Astarion x female Tav. Set in Act II. Astarion was not nice. Nothing about him was even remotely nice. Such a bland, plain word that carried little to no meaning. But perhaps, given the right incentive, he could be persuaded to be nice to the one person who he felt deserved it most.

Honeycomb - Pairing:Astarion x female Tav. Set in the beggining of Act II. Astarion had a brilliant, fool-proof plan. And nothing, especially not a piece of honeycomb, would get in the way.

Yours, if you'll have me - Pairing: Astarion x female Tav. Set in Act II. Astarion found the letter on the ground between his tent and Gale’s earlier this morning. Not thinking much of it, Astarion swiped it, hoping to get a piece of juicy gossip. Gale having a secret admirer, how fun! He didn’t realise that the contents were meant for him. And from their leader, no less!

Fangs and Cheeks - 18+ MNDI Pairing: Astarion x female Reader. Set in Act III. Astarion is an ass man.

Upon reflection, I find you perfect - Pairing: Astarion x female Reader. Set post-game. You find a way for Astarion to see his reflection for the first time in over 200 years.

A sound judgement - Pairing: Astarion x female Reader. Magistrate Astarion AU (Elf Astarion, No Cazador). Astarion was bored and you were the only acceptable source of entertainment. Luckily for Astarion he was, in fact, the law and you had no choice but to obey him.

Astarion x my OCs

What happens at Sharess', stays at Sharess' - Pairing: Astarion x OC, Astarion x Cora. Set in Act III. Astarion knew that stubborn look. It meant that Cora had a plan and would stop at nothing to make it work. The thought both excited and unnerved him.

Other writers' OCs

A white lie - Pairing: Astarion x Sima. Set in Act III. Astarion could not remember being certain of anything in the past 200 years. But he knew without a slither of a doubt that he would do whatever it took to make sure that they were safe. For ever. For good.

Two-shots

Brunch - Pairing:Astarion x female Tav. AU two-shot (no Cazador, elf Astarion). Another, better emotionally equipped male would probably just ask Tav out. Like on an actual proper date at a nice venue rather than sticking to their monthly meeting for brunch as a pathetic excuse for spending time with her. But that was the crux of the problem. Astarion had absolutely zero clue as to how to be in a relationship.

Part of his plan - Pairing: Astarion x female Tav. Set in Act II, just after the tiefling party. Astarion was sure that being indispensable to Tav was the best way to secure his place by her side. And this is where his sewing skills would come in handy.

The best laid plans - Pairing: Astarion x female Tav. Set in Act II, just before Astarion's confession. Even the best laid plans may go wrong. Admittedly, Astarion's plan hadn't been that great to begin with.

Batstarion Week 2024

My headcanon is that spawn Astarion can turn into an adorable bat. Here are some drabbles exploring your and Astarion's life post-game for Batstarion Week 2024.

Batstarion Week 2024 - Day 1 - Falling asleep in unusual places

Batstarion Week 2024 -Day 2 - Cuteness aggression

Batstarion Week 2024 - Day 3 - High fashion

Batstarion Week 2024 - Day 4 - Cameo with another character

Batstarion Week 2024 - Day 5 - Feeding your Batstarion

Batstarion Week 2024 - Day 6 - Bat cuddles

Batstarion Week 2024 - Day 7 - Any prompt (Happily Ever After)

Augustarion 2024

Interconnected drabbles and one-shots celebrating our favourite rogue. Mostly reader (You) x Astarion.

Augustarion Day 1 – Strawberries 🍓 In which Astarion didn’t steal these for you, he just wanted a taste.

Augustarion Day 2 – Pool Party 🌊 In which Astarion shows you exactly why you shouldn't be insecure.

Augustarion Day 3 - Apron 18+ MNDI In which Astarion takes care of you. And I mean sexually.

Augustarion Day 4 - Mythologies In which your love isn't a cautionary tale.

Augustarion Day 6 - Cream In which Astarion complains that you have a hero complex.

Augustarion Day 7 - Underwear In which Astarion has been embroidering cheeky messages on your underwear in elvish.

Augustarion Day 14 - Protective In which Astarion is reminded that he is not alone.

Augustarion Day 15 - Shirt that goes hard In which a spell gone awry turns Astarion's shirt into an unusual, yet formidable weapon.

Augustarion Day 28 - DILF 18+ MNDI In which you won a bet and were granted a once in a lifetime opportunity - to see into your future.

Halsin

Good - Pairing: Halsin x female Reader (Durge). Set in Act III. Perhaps you wanting to be good started out as a way to get into Halsin's good books (and his pants). Yet, you find that you have come to actually like helping those you call friends. Perhaps being good becomes you after all.

💖 Tag list 💖:

@ninty900, @ayselluna, @dajeong, @ravenswritingroom,

@misscrissfemmefatale,

@clazberryk, @anukulee,

@preciouslittlebhaalbae,

@sh3rl0ck, @mellowenthusiast2299,

@fleetstreet78, @starlight-rogue,

@obsessedwhyyes, @arzen9, @hellethil,

@khywren, @maeryls-journal, @larvasmoon, @xxnashiraxx

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔽𝕝𝕦𝕗𝕗 𝔸𝔼𝔾ℤ ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @miya-akane request: Helooo im here to request for akito(es) fluff alphabets to celebrate his new card for the new years.

So him with A, E, G, Z plsss if it's too much you can lessen it

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Yes ofc!!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Admirer ═ What if they would be secret admirer? How would they act around their crush? And what will they do for them?

Akito would simply admire from the sides... Not in a creepy way tho! It's just whenever you'd be passing by him, he wouldn't be able to hide small smile, letting his speaker know almost immidietly something's up!

As for showing it to you... he'll do more acts of service he wouldn't do to anyone else! Like carrying your bag or keeping door open just for you... it's simple, but meaningful for him~

"Shut I'm, I'm not grinning because of THEM. I just... remembered something..."

✧ Endearment ═ How much and how often do they need their lover affection? And what do they do when they really need their lover affection?

Akito likes to play that "tough card" even around you! He knows you two are together though and that's how he falls upon questioning what endearment to choose... He considers most too cheesy, so he ends up picking "babe" in hurry one day and... it just stayed!

He thinks it's perfect since he can call you like that even in public and he won't get emberassed one single bit! Unless someone makes fun of him about it...

"Babe c'mon, let's go..."

✧ Gesture ═ What are their gestures of love? How do they show their lover their love? And how would they like their lover to show love to them?

Akito's love langue would definitely be quality time or gifts giving! He's not really good with typical romantic stuff, especially that usually he gets annoyed by the sappy talk... He much prefers spending time after school with you alone, or when he can't... to just being you a gift explaining it's "just small thing to keep you busy while he's gone". But it's still meaningluf for him?

As for receiving... I think this boy would need some nice words of comfort and affection! It'd get him absolutely flustered of course, but it's something this boy is lacking... Though combination of two people having quality time as their love language would also be very suitable for him!

"I'm glad you came... Hm? No, nothing. Let's go. I promised to buy us those pancakes."

✧ Zap into their heart ═ The moment they knew they fell for their current crush.

It'd be either thanks to An or his sister... He'd come back to either home or cafe VERY late and simply explain he was with you! That's one of them starts to tease him about how much time he's spending with you and he realizes...

He'd be in denial for first few days after realization, but can't keep it on for long. So from then, he simply starts to think about you more and more and what he should do!! It especially starts to affect him when he thinks about his little feeling so much, it even distracts him from practice!

"So what if I'm spending so much time with them!? It's not like I'm in lo-! ..oh..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @akitosheart @yulikesminori @hayillaaaaaaa @hakulivesformusic @luhvashh @akiritoz @sucodelaranja86 @aluvslink - come get your pancakes lover!

[happy-mokka]

Crowley:

"You mean like a sudden rainstorm forces them together beneath the canopy. They look into each other’s eyes and realize they were made for each other."

Aziraphale:

"Sounds a bit unlikely."

Crowley:

"No, get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes, Va-voom! Sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis movie."

Said movie was "Four weddings and a funeral" from 1994.

Written by Richard Curtis. Directed by Mike Newell.

The 2 Va-voom! people were Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant.

Me and my friend watched it today. We had planned that for longer, in fact, since Crowley had mentioned it, and she took notice of it while watching Good Omens (and reading several references of it on Tumblr afterwards.

I already knew the movie from when it came out in the mid-90s. I loved it back then. Goofy Charles plaayed by a young Hugh Grant. Today, I have to admit, I see it from a different perspective. Well, I've lived 30 more years, after all. I still like it, but from a different angle.

My friend put it like this, when the movie was over, and I have to admit she's absolutely right:

(Hugh and Andie find to each other and Va-voomingly kiss in the rain)

"Well, they deserve each other! They're both horrible!"

Yep. Let's be honest. They are. She hooks up with him twice, just to leave him behind like a rotten apple - the second time already engaged to horrible Scotsman Hamish.

He treated every single one of his ex-girlfriends like shit and has not even the guts to at least once after all these years to really apologize when he has the opportunity.

These 2 were the two mains in this rom-com and supposed to be the characters to sympathize with accordingly.

It just didn't work for me anymore.

Why I still like the movie, though, is for the great supporting characters and cast.

Charlotte Coleman as Charles' cute sister Scarlett.

James Fleet as Charles' deaf brother Tom.

Robin McCaffrey as Tom's future fiance Serena (learning sign language to be able to flirt with him 🥰)

Last but absolutely not least, Simon Callow as Gareth and John Hannah as Mathew. This adorable gay couple. Back then, in the 90s, this was still a very courageous take, having them in a major blockbuster in such a prominent position as characters.

For me, they're the main reason now why I keep coming back to this movie. Their acting and chemistry are brilliant, and the name giving funeral is so sad but at the same time beautiful and uplifting (if that's even possible).

Here it is:

"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good."

(W. H. Auden)

Charles states after the funeral:

"Yes, it's odd, isn't it? All these years, we've been single and proud of it and never noticed that two of us were, in effect, married all this time."

Which brings me to this in the end:

Maybe such a thing as a Va-voom! moment exists. Maybe not. Waiting for it to happen will mostly likely make you miss lots of other nice things and especially people in your life. Sometimes, the most unlikely side-characters might, at some point, become your favorite people in the world if you get to know them. Don't always go for the prom king or queen. Talk to the geek and the outsider. The shy colleague in the back of the room. You'll change over time, and so will your perception of people and things. Be open to it, and you might find bestest friends along the way, maybe even Va-voom!, just in a different way than you'd expected. You might not even need to get wet in the process...

[lottsoflanguages]

Not my usual post but I felt I needed to put this out there + it does relate to how Irish institutions refuse to promote our culture.

I don't know if anyone reading this was watching Eurosong tonight. It's the selection of Ireland's Eurovision entry. During it, after a folk and traditional inspired song, the panel basically lambasted it. The consensus was that because Ireland did poorly at Eurovision 2007 (18 years ago btw) with a culturally Irish song that Europe does not like Ireland or its culture and that we shouldn't send a culturally Irish song to Eurovision because we need to modernise (what they actually mean is pander) to their idea of modern European standards. These comments made me quite furious and devastated (clearly evident by the fact I'm posting this). RTE has always come across to me not actually caring about our language or culture when it comes to promoting it to a younger audience. They don't seem to realise that branding Gaeilge and its culture as "an old persons thing" is going to cause detrimental damage to our already endangered heritage, since young people should be the ones you focus on, they're the ones who would be able to bring it down to future generations. Now, back to Eurosong, the way those comments were delivered gave me a sense that we shouldn't even bother sending something remotely Irish to Eurovision. Our culture is clearly embarrassing and something we should be ashamed of because of one bad result 18 years ago and as a result we should hide our heritage and erase it, there can and will not be anything identifyably Irish. It goes without saying that this is a disgusting approach to a dying culture. We hate to admit it, but Gaeilge is dying and we can't even blame the Brits anymore for this. It is the Irish institutions, our government, our broadcaster, everything around us is doing nothing to preserve our heritage. Oh but don't worry guys because that road sign's in Irish so its fine. And don't worry RTE love trad just look at Samantha Mumba doing a lil jig (all that was /sarc btw). It really struck home especially when; 1. the identifiably Irish song finished last in the televote and 2. The Norwegian song that has nothing to do with Ireland (the artist only came to Ireland for the first time last week) won the whole thing and will represent us in Basel. Now, I'll clarify some things. I have all but respect for Emmy herself. She seems absolutely lovely and I will fully support her as our nation's representative. I also generally don't have an issue with artists from other countries representing their non-native lands (see: Celine Dion). My issue stems from the fact that this song was so clearly (at least in my opinion) originally written with the Norwegian national selection in mind. Norway must've rejected it and Emmy's team just went "hey ireland has their selection still open for applicants let's fob it onto them" (that happens much more than you think it does at Eurovision) That's just my theory. So, what RTE have decided to do is mock and put down anything that remotely feels too-Irish in favour of one of Norway's scraps. They would rather pretend to be Norway than appear too-Irish. Cultural folk inspired entries do well at Eurovision, Kalush Orchestra won the whole thing nearly 3 years ago with a folk-hip hop fusion, it got the highest televote ever seen in eurovision (and no, that was not all war pity votes, people do actually like this stuff).

RTE and other Irish institutions are curating this idea that Irish culture and language is something to be ashamed of, something thats cringe or something thats a novelty. It is particular BS in the context of Eurosong and the whole "we can't do good with something cultural" as Ireland's biggest music acts at the moment are those who embrace their heritage within their music (e.g. Hozier, Kneecap, Fontaines DC) and if Irish culture does end up making a comeback, it'll be because of these guys, not our institutions. We've been a (mostly) independent nation for over 100 years, yet Irish still declines. We can't blame the Brits anymore for this lads. In however many years time when Irish culture is nothing more than a distant memory, we'll look back and know exactly who to blame

Apologies if this is all completely incoherent, it's 1am, i'm on a sleeping tablet but autism brain is going. anyways, oíche mhaith a chairde <3

[saxlochapologist]

I am dying to discuss saxloch, please don’t judge if you feel these questions are too basic!

What do you think about Saxon’s sexuality?

what do you think about Saxon’s feelings towards Lochlan? Was he ever ( sexually) attracted?

What is your prediction about post canon - best case/ worst case scenario?

Okay I do not think these are basic questions especially for these insanely repressed boys haha I think there is so much to say here!

1. Ok so I really believe that Saxon has a textbook repressed sexuality. I don't think the fact that Saxon has loads of hookups and sex under his belt with women means that he isn't one of the MOST repressed and unsatisfied characters in the history of characters lol. Saxon is at his core deeply afraid of intimacy and fulfillment because I think somewhere inside of himself he KNOWS that true sexual gratification isn't something he will ever grant himself bc it doesn't look like the traditional "hookup with beautiful women until you find The One and marry her and have 2.5 kids and a picket fence." So he is stuck in limbo where he's having tons of meaningless, tasteless sex and feeling absolutely nothing about it! He dehumanizes the women he fucks because he can't stand the idea that he could ever trust anyone enough to be vulnerable with them, he HAS to remain in the position of power and control. He's a terrible misogynist, of course, but there's also this deep seated fear that someone might dig too deep inside of him and find out what he really is (completely empty? A sexual deviant? a repressed brother fucker? sorry lol)

2. This brings me to your next question, what are Saxon's feelings about Lochlan? Well it's Saxon Ratliff so they are COMPLICATED lol. We see time and time again that what Saxon really loves about Lochlan is that he allows Sax to kind of create him in his own image. What I mean is, Saxon wants to see Lochy's dedication to him in almost everything he does. He's desperate for Lochlan to attend Duke (like he did), work for their dad (like he does), and stay in North Carolina (like him). He wants Lochy to consume all the same things as him. His protein shakes, his diets, the same nameless faceless women he hooks up with, hell he even wants them to consume the same porn (which makes me feel insane). Saxon loves this idea of seeing Lochlan as an extension of himself in so many ways. I swear sometimes Saxon and Lochlan even subtly mirror each other's facial expressions and body language. Buuuut I think the thing that really really makes Saxon go crazy isn't their similarities, it's all the little ways that Lochlan shines through. His tenderness, the open fondness his Lochy wears so plainly on his face (an expression Saxon almost never allows himself to show outright), his goofy magic tricks, his sweet desperation for approval from the people he loves. Saxon loves that Lochlan, the one he can't perfectly mold into the shape of himself. But he's also terrified of Lochlan paving his own way, becoming his own person, leaving him. So Saxon squeezes him harder and harder and pulls him closer and closer and prays they keep the same shape. Whew. It's crazy in here guys, tune in

3. Post canon my beloved! So what ARE the best and worst case scenarios? Honestly I truly think Lochlan is going to be insanely withdrawn after everything - his near death experience, his hookup with Sax, his family's legal and financial devastation. I don't think he's going to bounce right back from that even in the best possible situation. Buuuut I do NOT think even Lochlan's most intense feelings will compare to what happens to Sax post canon. Saxon now has to cope with being out of a job, losing the respect of his community, losing his own respect for his father, instantly becoming the Man of the Family since even in the best case scenario Tim is going to prison for a while, aaaand the fact that he came in his brother's fist and made out with him. I think there are a couple outcomes here for Sax. He either locks the fuck in, shuts off his own emotions, finds another job in finance, steps up to the plate for his mom and little siblings, and basically grinds it out to be strong for them. I think this is a real possibility. Saxon is a piece of shit in a lot of ways but I DO think he deeply cares for his family. In a lot of ways Saxon does treat Lochlan like a son already - influences him, guides him, teaches him how to be a real man. and tere's a chance he leans into this dynamic even harder with him once Tim is away.

BUT there is also a darker outcome for Sax. He might finally explode. He might finally run. He might finally break away from Lochlan. I think regardless, Saxon is going to be completely disgusted with himself. Idk whether he believes what happened between him and Lochlan was his fault or Lochy's, but considering the fact that he's the oldest sibling and Lochlan was newly 18, I think he blames himself. He should have been there for Lochy. He should have implemented boundaries and limits and said NO, just like he used to have to do when Lochy was begging him to steal him extra candy as a kid. I think this makes Saxon kind of afraid of himself, question the things he's truly capable of. Is he a monster? Is he a predator? Did he ruin Lochy? There's this delicious tension because I truly think he sees himself as Lochlan's keeper and what do you do when you desecrate the boy you're supposed to be guiding through life? So there is a timeline where Saxon entirely pulls away from Lochlan for his own good, so he can never hurt him again. And then Saxon AND Lochlan will be left with brother shaped holes inside themselves and will probably end up doing some pretty deranged things to fill them. Ughjhh so many possibilities for these boys post canon!

Sorry this got so long anon I just love yapping about these boys!