#excepts from the book I'll never write

[sapphowhispers]

I remember

how i'd hold my hands up in prayer

begging for my father

who was never of faith

and i wonder if - no, I know

you sit with your eyes closed

talking to an almighty being, every night,

wishing people around you were

different. saint-like. more like

you

I wonder if this is why

I keep coming back to

whatever you're doing now

(what are you even doing now)

this is judgement. I mean it.

this is eyes half closed

this is bitterness on (my) tongue

this is words that would condemn (me)

does it sound familiar to you?

[leavemeslowly]

[ninasdrafts]

I couldn’t fool you if I tried, not by a long shot. You spot my lies from miles away, hidden in the lilt of my voice and the set of my mouth. I don’t have to say a word. It’s the little things. You know what to say to get me out of bed in the morning, curtains half-closed, sunlight peeking into the room. Your hand reaches for mine when we enter a room full of people because you know I tend to get overwhelmed. You are quiet at night, in the space between trying to stay awake and falling asleep, and when my eyelids grow heavy your fingers trace mine to let me know I’m not alone. You ask me what’s wrong only once, and when I tell you I’m fine, you don’t dig deeper, even though you know I’m not. You know I’ll cave in and tell you when I’m ready. You eye my ink-stained fingers, but don’t comment on them, a secret smile ghosting over your lips. You leave the lights on for me, turn the music up for me, lower your voice for me. We speak in code, using made up words, paint each other’s worlds in colours others are blind to.   You don’t have to tell me you love me. It’s visible in everything you do or don’t do. I hear it in everything you say or don’t say. It’s in the spaces between. Concealed beneath fits of laughter, lines of our favourite songs, hidden in words I wrote. You see me. You know me, better than anyone ever has. To be known like this... I don’t know how it could get any better.

to be loved is to be known / n.j.

[spite-of-the-grifter]

Look.

Ace Attorney fandom.

I know why people don't like Turnabout Bigtop. I am among the people who dislike Turnabout Bigtop.

But I GET why people like the case. I'm not going to be one of those annoying people who just blindly dump on it because I hate those mfs too.

Thing about Bigtop isn't that it sucks. Thing isn't the weird grooming stuff (though that is a huge part of it). It's not that it could've been good.

It's that - in my personal OPINION - it could have been *great*.

I think it had the potential to be one of the best third cases in the trilogy. It had everything; a fun and goofy setting fit for a pretty dang goofy lawyer game - where the environment itself had jokes and quips and one-liners and mishaps and tomfoolery written all over it, it had the previous case introducing a very interesting and important plotline that gave background for one of the more well-loved characters while also introducing an equally fucked up and lovable new one who was a child forced into a shit childhood of naivete in a CIRCUS with another character who was very naive and childish - whose interactions could have been funny and cute and reflective of said shit from the previous case (seriously she becomes such an important character in the 4th case, WHY would they not include her in this one for some character development? How did they fuck up letting a CHILD explore a CIRCUS?? That would have made the interactions flow MUCH better).

They had a pretty good, sympathetic killer imo, a morally dubious victim, an asshole of a client (who was pretty flat admittedly in-game, but I like his weird, topsy-turvy reasoning for it in the anime. Also, I think Max being kinda a dick would have bode well for the themes of Farewell since most of his clients up to this point have been like...nice? Not nice, but sympathetic, but him having to defend someone who's innocent but a prick would have shown him that just because someone is an asshole, doesn't mean they deserve to suffer for it and that they have the potential to grow as people, which is almost a complete opposite of what Matt was. Ultimately, I would have loved the contrast of them as clients and I think it would have also served as character development for Phoenix, especially with his low-empathy tendencies).

They just didn't think that far ahead. They just didn't execute it well enough. They just decided to make three of the adult characters fight for the hand in marriage of a teenage girl. (Bat's part of the story was actually kinda good if he was just YOUNGER, I think him doing that for Regina would have been a stupid thing someone in the circus would do to impress their crush. Damn you Ace Attorney and your weird treatment of underage girls!!)

It just flopped and that's ok.

Even though it kinda sucked, it can still mean something to me.

Also I'm a Moe Curls apologist. I liked him, shut up.

[21silverlinings]

Avoidantly, I refrain From opening my mouth Fearing that you will hear My mother's heartache Etched into my words.

Anxiously, I hold my tongue Repressing my father's anger That of which poisons my blood.

Disorderly, My silence grows A bed of unspoken thoughts, Rooted in past sorrows, Watered by the tears of every generation before me.

Yet, in time, I learn to whisper To find my voice And declare that I am more Than the fears I have inherited. I abandon the screams Of my ancestors' pain, To break the cycle So that one day, My words will flow Not with heartache or anger, But with love and peace, instead.

nb | 1902

[dopamineadict24]

i am aware this love will ruin me, and i will let it. love hurts and i love hard.

[jenwritespoems]

"My life has been everything and anything but my own. That's the way that it has always been and I don't get a choice in this - it's my life but I don't get to live it."

[lanyzs2]

do u really want me or am I just a pass time?

[the-captaincoffee]

Crazy

I mean it’s kinda crazy, that one day… one small insignificant day could be the beginning of the rest of my life. And I’m sitting here, missing you… wondering if you’re there, missing me too… and then I get a message… a small insignificant message…

[briarmay]

amsterdam

I'd rather you didn't tell me You loved me On the day you decided to leave

~ briar may

[tricoufamily]

my this is the fall headcanon which i can have as its creator is that after jacques's death and maybe even after the kids' deaths they'll make an award-bait mrs. villareal biopic that is genuinely well made but like 99% inaccurate and hugo would probably publicly denounce it

[itsbluetoulouse]

i hope you fall in love with being alive

i hope you fall in love with being alive they said, but everyday my footsteps get a little bit harder to drag just for a walk

i hope you fall in love with being alive they said, but most night i feel like it's getting darker and darker and my eyes are wide open but it's unclear

i hope you fall in love with being alive they said, but my heart hurts every time i think about tomorrow, the possibilities, the what ifs, the uncertainty

i hope you fall in love with being alive they said, but people around me don't know how to say i love you and that's a pity i will always have

i hope you fall in love with being alive they said, but i think it will happen someday, eventually, when the skies are no longer dark, and the rain doesn't make my heart ache anymore or when the sleep getting more hours and hours and my heart beats steadily. i really hope you fall in love with being alive.

[leavemeslowly]

I want to love and forget you at the same time, you are the only thing stitching me together and tearing me apart, there is nothing between the two. Maybe it is not you, maybe it is only me, as I was before I met you. I can’t decide. Having a choice seems like an illusion.

[ninasdrafts]

After all these years, these thoughts are still what keeps you awake at night, even though you'd sworn to yourself you wouldn't go back there. I think it's because we faded over time. Quietly. Naturally. I didn't disappear from your life - the parts I gave to you just became smaller and smaller and one day you no longer recognised them as mine. Sometimes I find myself thinking it would've hurt less if there'd been a big fallout. If there'd been hurtful words and betrayals and ugly truths. My loud laughter faded to whispers. Whispers faded to silence. I belonged to you and then I didn't. And even though you don't want to, you find yourself lying awake in the middle of the night, your finger tracing the spot where I used to stretch out my hand, waiting for our palms to meet.

fading / n.j.

[missred18]

"You're a very quiet woman," he stated. Leaning forward with interest, "From what I've been told, you have an iron grip on your life." A quick laugh escaped her, "Would you believe me if I confessed I've never," her head shook as she stressed, "Not even once, felt that way?" Withholding a frown, she clarified, "My whole life I've felt adrift and without a semblance of control." "Really?" His shock was comically apparent. Her head tilted down and she surveyed him through her lashes, "Makes my decisions seem less paramount," A slight head tilt to level her gaze, "Doesn't it? He offered a bitter grin. She replied with a feral smile.

Excerpt from a story I'll never write.

emma rae hover

[21silverlinings]

I think I'm good enough after 27 years of belittling. I think I'm finally worthy to rid myself of all the conditioning. Somewhere inside me was a voice so belligerent it mimicked the tone of those who I deem inconsiderate. There used to be a void, a quietness that was incessant that has now been replaced by the sweet sound of my own effervescence.

acceptance / nb