#father wound

[anouchan-jpg]

[pyxisspeaks]

The thing they don’t tell you is that no matter how healed you are sometimes the howling, clawing, aching loneliness will rip through you and leave you feeling hollow and small.

Even when you’re happy there’s a flickering fear around the edges of your life.

“Are you tired of me? Am I taking up too much space, too much time? Am I worth the effort?”

So if someone you care about is living with cptsd be sure to tell them what they mean to you, honestly and often.

We forget because we were forgotten

[stargirlfics]

oof daddy issues so bad i just had to go back and look at pictures of myself as a kid to remind myself i am loveable 👹

[babyjojobear]

You are not damaged because of other people. You may have experienced a lack of love and affection from your relationships- family or otherwise- but this does not reflect on you. Your worth is not dependent on the love and affection you receive, but on your inherent value as a person. You are worthy of love, kindness, understanding, and compassion. You are a valuable, precious person worthy of respect, and this can never be taken away from you. Please do not ever forget this.

[ratocreative]

The tree looks to the seed

And says "I hate what you are"

And the seed asks why

For I came from you

And the tree replies

"Because you will be what I could not"

[waveofmutilation-uksurfmix]

yeagh

[scraps-of-genius-or-insanity]

[peninhand11]

He wanted to see her depth.

She showed him, her scars.

It was the last time he talked to her.

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

Dear Dad,

Do you ever think of me? Do you miss me? I often find myself wondering what our relationship could have been, had you been a better man. Kinder. Softer. If you had loved me.

Do you ever regret the things you did to me? The ways you hurt me. The way you let him hurt me. Were you just young and stupid and grew up to realize how wrong you were? Or are you still the cold, bitter person I remember.

I wonder what you would think about your granddaughter. Not that I would ever let you near her. Her soul is too sweet and pure to be poisoned by your darkeness. I would protect her from you in the ways my mom failed to protect me. But would you love her? It is just me that you are incapable of loving?

Why did you hate me so much? I was so little. Helpless. What could I have possibly done to make you treat me like that? You were suppose to protect me dad, so why didn't you? What was so wrong with me that even the biological instinct to love your child wasn't enough for you to care aboit me? Was I that much of a poison to you?

I'm sorry I gave up on you. I'm sorry I left. I know you hate me for it. You didn't think I was strong enough to break free, to shed the weight of you in my life. The truth is I didn't do it out of strength. I did it out of fear. After our last visit I really thought you were going to kill me. You pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. But you missed and I made sure you never got another shot.

I wish I could say that I put you behind me, but I'd be lying. You still flood my mind often. It's not just my brain that remembers you, my body does too. I have lifelong trauma from my time with you that even grueling work in therapy isn't healing. That is blood on your hands, not that you give a shit. I hate that you still take up space in my life but it's hard to let go when I really loved you. I tried so hard to make you love me back. I stayed longer that I should of fighting for a man who didn't want me. I want you to know that is my biggest regret in life. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve my love. You don't deserve to be a part of the beautiful life I cultivated for myself despite your best efforts to make me feel inferior.

You told me I would never amount to anything. You said no one could love me. You said I was stupid and weak and would never make anything for myself.

Well, fuck you. You were wrong.

[anouchan-jpg]

[muguetdemai]

Chen Chen, from "In the City," When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities.

[stargirlfics]

healing isn’t enough, I need to punch my dad in the face

[hatred-rage-and-repression]

Utter disgust. My brain is a hellscape.

[aniela93]

⋆⁺☾🩸⋆TO MY DAD, I NEVER HAD ⋆ ☾🩸₊⋆

how can one accept being rejected by his own parents, his won creators?

how can a daughter be happy knowing her father never wanted her , . .or that he wanted a sun , not HER.

how can one heal this pain?

how can a girl be a woman when her right to life was denied by her own father?

This tears running down my chicks hurt, burn and carve scars into my heart.

i miss him,

i miss my dad i never had

i miss feeling safe and protected by his love , that pure and noble love fathers have for their daughters

i miss the games we never played,

laughs we never laughed

walks we never walked ,

stories we never told

i miss his hug, that warm embrace, i never got

his rooted roots

his speech of faith.. For me

his trust in me , in all my power,

my power to rise again and again every time i fall

That power he took away from me.

I miss

his wish for me to be happy from the bottom of his heart

i miss a part of my soul i never had.

That part where his love should be.

It feels

like i have been a broken soul forever

i miss something i never had

there is an empty space in my heart . . .wearing his name

a missing part

i can't live without

i love a dad i never had

[kawaiixchaotic]

If Parental Love Is A Bed To Lie Upon, Then I Am Cushioned On Broken Hopes, Broken Dreams, Broken Glass, and Eggshells

my mother, as much as she has wronged me, does love me a lot. I know that. Even if it sometimes doesn't feel like it, it always becomes obvious again later. Her love only seems to grow actually. Even though I've never been as close with her as with my father in the past. And This is why it pains me so much to get older and see my father, who has always had my back, has always been by my side, watch me transform from Daughter to Woman in a flash, and grow to loathe me just as quickly. I think that all daughters, especially eldest ones, suffer with going from being your father's precious child, to just another hysterical bitch, practically overnight. And what breaks me the most... what kills me so much, is that it didn't even take much, or take long….I barely got to make a peep, and already I have made too much noise, and I am annoying, and I am unruly, and I am disappointing, and there is something wrong with me. I need to be fixed. I am not what he wanted, & he no longer has the decency to even hide it. He just says it now, And while my mother's love, no matter how misplaced, or how misused, only ever seems to grow, my father's seems to only get smaller. There is contempt in his eyes when he looks at me. There is disgust in his tone when he speaks to me. He cannot see Me beyond what he thinks of me. ...What he thinks of Women. What he thinks of Lesbians. While my mother cuts out what she does not want of me and tosses it aside like rotten bits of fruit, and it hurts all the same, she still sees the rest of me. loves all the rest of me that she can find.

and i perhaps i prefer being misunderstood to being invisible.

(This was me venting in my twitter drafts and I wanted to keep it. Maybe if I publish it and call it art it won't hurt anymore.)

[sefeya]

To all my girlies with a father and mother wound:

How is your extreme loneliness and independence going? Are you still waiting to be safed?