#mother issues

[ikarust]

i talk about tearing flesh from an arm with my teeth and you stare at me in horror like you haven't tasted blood before. i talk about being crushed like a small animal on a fast lane and you ask me how it's humanly possible of me to cling to the stone of the sidewalk the way i do. my mother could skin her hands at the sink and it would still not rid her from the truth that is that she has fed me her body and that she is convict to the manslaughter of her child.

quick question: how does one write about their mother without mentioning their mother? mine is a fortune teller. she tells me in the dead of the night while i am on the kitchen floor with the boning knife in one hand and and a towel in the other that i will never be loved right. that i will never find real love. that i will always suffer if i look for it.

mother knows best.

she tells me she destroyed herself for me and that i am selfish and cruel for not destroying myself for her. she begs me to be beautiful. she begs me to be the daughter she wanted to have. my friend tells me on the swing on a beautiful springtime evening that i am selfish and cruel for devouring every little piece of every damn thing that has ever tasted like love to me. and when i go home in the evening, my mother looks at me like she did the night she told me she wishes she'd killed me when i was a child. i tell everyone i am starving. my mother tells me she told me so.

i stare at the red in the ball of spit i hawked onto the bathroom floor. i retouch the scars on my thighs. i hack away at my hair with the big crafting scissors. i pray to god that i will wake up tomorrow beautiful and loveable. i wake up the same way. my mother tells me to never come back when i step out to leave for work. i tell her i am trying my best but nothing is working. she tells me she told me so. she tells me she's glad to see me in pain because i deserve it.

maybe i do deserve it.

i visit a clothing store and step into the fitting room just to see the way i am reflected back and forth in the front-and-back mirrors. i look and i see a morbid, mangled ruin the greatest what-could-have-been of all time. and by that i mean, i see a million possibilities in one. all the girls i could have been. and at the very center, where the image gets so small it's blurry and barely visible maybe i am beautiful. maybe i am loveable. maybe i find real love and maybe i don't suffer for it.

maybe i am the daughter my mother wanted.

[rozcdust]

growing up with an angry father is terrifying but growing up a daughter with an angry mother is gut wrenching because you get it, you understand that she’s been worn down by the world and being treated as less and she’s been carrying the rage and traumas of her mother and her mother before her and her mother before her and when you see her you recognise that same rage in you

but her rage is not pointed at the world, it’s pointed at you because you’re 14 and not used to the harshness of it yet but she will make sure you get there and you don’t know what to do but cry and she hates seeing your tears because they make her nauseous

growing up with an angry mother feels like being ripped apart because you know she loves you, she’s your worst enemy, she makes you feel safe, she terrifies you, she’s your best friend, she’s the reason you can’t let people get close, you love her, you never cried over a boy or a girl as much as you cried over her words, she made you, you’re her puppet, you’re desperate to leave, you’ll never escape her blood or her judging gaze and even when you leave you can hear her voice in your head and it will haunt you until you’re dead

you understand her rage but you see it in yourself and that scares you more than anything else

[witchyykitten]

[dysphoresque]

being touch-starved [mother issues] and being touch-repulsed [father issues] at the same time

[mssrell]

I was a kid but I wasn't clueless, Someone who loves you wouldn't do this.

Conan Gray

family issues // generational trauma

[cryingprincess13]

[samvents]

MAYBE YOU JUST EXAGGERATED

[x3nshit]

doesn't it suck? how pain is passed down from generations? how my pain is my mother's pain, and her mother's pain, and her mother's? it sucks.

[need-grows-teeth]

[fuckingwhateverdude]

@nosebleedclub / jan. #11

[la1npilledg1rl]

I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother I am not my mother

[ikarust]

i would die just to know if my mother will cry at my deathbed or spit on it. i would die just to know if my mother loves me at all.  (mine)

[pain-is-my-game]

It sucks having a mom who's a good person but a bad parent.

[witchyykitten]

little miss will never be good enough for her mother

no matter how hard she tries

[dysphoresque]

how monsters are created, and by monsters i mean girls with mommy issues

fyodor doestoevsky / the brothers karamazov // fiona apple // tumblr user nipplering // paul guest / 1987 // blythe baird // if my body could speak

[spaghettiisgross]

girls after saying “it is what it is” for the 6039277292 time