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holylulusworld · 4 months

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The one that got away (1)

Summary: Your best friend breaks your heart.

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, unrequited feelings, time jump, regret

A/N: This is a little gift for @elle14-blog1 for her birthday. It’s today, so happy birthday, lovely. And, I decided to turn this story into a mini-series. 😁

The one that got away masterlist

Dean Winchester would never break your heart. Right? He’s your best friend. You used to be thicker than thieves. Until. One day. You decided to tell him how you truly feel about him.

You wanted more than being his best friend. So, one day you decided it’s time to step up for yourself and tell him you want more. Much more.

Sadly, Dean didn’t require your feelings. He stammered your name, telling you he was sorry, but doesn’t feel the same. It was worse that he hugged you and told you he’s going to be your friend if that’s enough.

You shook your head and choked out his name. “No,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I think we cannot be friends any longer. I love you, and it’s killing me inside. If you are my friend, you’ll understand that we can never see each other again.”

That day, you walked away with a heavy heart and tears in your eyes. Deep down in your heart, you knew it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes you just fall in love with the wrong person. You cannot force them to love you.

This doesn’t mean it won’t break your heart to cut ties with them…

A few years later, …

Today is a good day. It’s not only your birthday, but the day conference you have been waiting for. You just got a promotion and love your new job. But the best is, that you feel cute and self-confident in your brand-new dress.

“Y/N, are you ready for the conference?” Your colleague asks. She nervously tugs at her blazer; eyes darting from you to the arriving participants of the conference. “I’m a little nervous. Uh-I hate talking in front of people.”

“Just imagine them naked and you are golden,” you chuckle at your own boldness. She gasps at your words and slaps your arm.

“That’s not helpful.”

“Hmm…” you nod and drop your eyes to the notes in your hands. You’ll be the one opening the conference and now, you are a little nervous too. “Maybe we should take a deep breath and relax a little. They are all people, and no one is going to bite us if we make a mistake.”

“I wish I could,” she whines. “Wish me luck, Y/N. If I embarrass myself in front of all these strangers, I’m going to drown my sorrows in cupcakes.”

“Phew, I made it.” Half an hour later your colleague stands next to you, sighing deeply. “I won’t do this again. I’m telling you; my panties are soaked.”

“What?” You choke on your spit.

“I sweated like a nun in the church,” she whispers. “I wish you look. I’m going to grab the largest coffee and a dozen cupcakes to celebrate I didn’t embarrass myself.”

You chuckle as someone calls your name. It’s your turn to hold your speech, and you only hope you won’t ruin this. Speaking in front of many people is not your favorite task, to be honest.

While you walk toward the front of the room, you feel all eyes on you.

You take a deep breath and sort your notes. “Hello, and welcome. We have been looking forward to this conference. All of us.” You smile at the people listening to your words. “Let me introduce you now to our newest project. The one we will be working on together. Cheryl will guide you through the presentation. You can ask me and her questions later.”

Cheryl, your assistant starts the presentation, and you step a little to the left to take the only free seat next to a man who has his back on you and the presentation.

“Sir, you should turn around. The presentation is—” Your heart stops beating for a minute when the man turns around. A pair of familiar green eyes meet yours. You just stare at him – the man haunting your dreams and thoughts.

“Hello sweetheart,” he casually says, as if you parted ways just yesterday. Dean smiles that million-dollar smile making a woman weak in the knees. Damn him, he still can make your heart race. “How have you been?”

Dean watches you nervously shift in your seat. The presentation and your assistant long forgotten, you drink his features in. There are a few lines around his eyes, and his hair is a little longer. He’s wearing an expensive suit and a tie, but he still looks like the cocky guy who used to be your best friend.

“Good,” you finally reply. “You?”

“Good, I guess,” he clears his throat. “I mean, I like my job, and I still got my car.”

“Baby?” You can’t help but smile. “How is the pretty lady?”

“Still pretty,” he leans closer and brushes his thumb over your thigh. “Not as pretty as you, sweetheart. You look pretty in that dress. Blue suits you.”

“Now you try to charm your way out of this unexpected encounter,” you slap his hand, and chuckle. If only your heart would stop beating out of your chest close to him. “How’s Sam?”

“He’s a lawyer now, and married to Jess,” he says. “You remember the blonde he met before you left town?”

“She was nice.” You clear your throat. “They made a cute couple. I knew there was something special between them.”

He nods, but his eyes sadden a little. “So…are you already married to Mr. Fantastic?”

“No, I—” you fake-cough. “I was busy making a career and building a life. I didn’t have the time to get married and such.”

“Same. I’m still the untamable bachelor looking for the one.” Your heart flutters when he looks at you. There is something in his eyes you didn’t see before. Sadness, or regret maybe.”

“Yeah,�� you nod in agreement. “Finding the one is hard. People are…you know.” You shrug. “It’s difficult to fulfill all the things they look for in a partner. I didn’t fulfill anyone’s standard yet.”

“Y/N, you are perfect. Why would you want to change for a guy?” He squares his jaw when you look away. Dean knows who made you feel this way.

Cheryl calls your name, and you reluctantly leave your seat to talk about your presentation and the project.

Dean watches you every move. He licks his lips and leans back in his chair. Dean nervously runs his hand over his thighs, trying to calm his nerves. Seeing you after such a long time woke a longing in him.

There is more than the flutter in his heart when you shyly glance in his direction. If he allows himself to be honest, Dean knows that deep down in his heart he let his soulmate go back then…

The one that got away (2)

Tags in reblog.

#dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #au!dean winchester x reader #The one that got away (1)#dean winchester x you #angst #spn #unrequited love

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kaleldobrev · 4 months

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Dean Winchester Masterlist

A rebloggable Dean Winchester Masterlist for your viewing and reading pleasure. All stories are Dean Winchester x F. Reader unless otherwise stated

Authors Note: Will update this as I post more stories

Come on Tiger (823) | You convince Dean to come to bed

You’re Not Normal (College AU) (556) | The reader and Dean become friends in a weird way

Happy Father’s Day (1.2k) |It’s Father’s Day, and the reader has some news to tell Dean

One Day (1.2k) | The reader and Dean talk about their dream life away from hunting

You Don’t Mean That (Demon!Dean) (2.3k) | Sam and the reader finally find Dean and bring him back to the Bunker. Sam says not to talk to Dean before they cure him, but the reader has other plans.

I Love The Way You… (2.9k) | Dean wants to propose to you but isn’t really sure how, so he asks Sam, Jody, and Donna for help

Nightmare Cure (1.6k) | You struggle with nightmares. So Dean comes up with a way to help you.

Autumn Vibes (1.2k) | Dean creates a new recipe in honor of the fall season.

A Date with Dean: Lucky Strikes (5.8k) | Dean and you go bowling for this weeks date night. But decide to make it a little bit more interesting.

The Comforts of a Winchester (2.2k) | Having a nightmare sucks, but at least you have Dean to comfort you.

I Dream of You (1.7k) | Dean dreams of a life with you, but do you?

Pizza, Beer & Zeppelin IV (1.2k) | Dean is surprised to find out what your ideal first date is; and he’s more than happy to oblige

You Deserve Love (2k) | Sometimes Dean needs reassurance that you love him

A Small Part of You (2.3k) | Although Dean is gone, at least you’ll always have a part of him

I Love Her, That’s Why (2.2k) | Dean thought that he was doing a pretty good job at hiding his feelings for you…until Jack started asking questions.

You Make Me Happy (2.3k) | With you doing what he believes to be an incredibly reckless thing on a hunt, Dean finally realizes how much you really mean to him

Old Man (3.4k) | Dean never had a problem with the age gap between you two; not until now any way

Without Hesitation, Yes (2.6k) | After all these years, Dean finally asks you to marry him.

Spitting Image (2.8k) | You think Dean looks like one of your favorite characters. Dean on the other hand…doesn’t see the resemblance.

Come Back Home (4.5k) | After a relationship ending argument that caused you to leave the Bunker, you and Dean haven’t heard from/seen each other in over a year. Are there still sparks between you two? The better question is: Did they ever truly leave in the first place?

Daddy in a Different Way (2.5k) | A simple misunderstanding leads an older woman to believe that you and Jack are together, not you and Dean. But Dean does a “very good job” at clearing things up…But maybe not in the best way.

Pumpkin Muffins (930) | You and Dean decide to try new nicknames for each other

Days Like These (1.4k) | You and Dean decide to spend the day in while it’s raining outside.

Mutual Pining (4.3k) | Dean and you are in love with each other, and it’s obvious to everyone but the two of you

Please Don’t Leave (2k) | Dean’s lucky to have you in his life and honestly doesn’t know what he would ever do without you

New Record (1k) | Dean and you set a new record

Pillow Talk (1.2k) | A common theme of yours and Dean’s pillow talks happen to be about having that white picket fence and apple pie life

Happy Anniversary (Non-Hunters AU) (2k) | You and Dean celebrate your 18-year wedding anniversary

It’s Okay (1.8k) | Dean’s a little jealous that Sam still talks to you and not him

I Finally Get It (2.7k) | Dean thinks he looks like a character from one of your favorite slasher films. You on the other hand…don’t see the resemblance.

Genuinely Happy (506) | You and Dean enjoy a nice car ride together while you admire how genuinely happy he looks

Coming & Going (1.8k) | You want Dean to stay, but will he?

What Are We? (2.1k) | Dean and you do a lot of couple things together but yet…you’re not a couple, and you often wonder why.

Stupidest Person Alive (1.7k) | After a near death experience in which you almost lost Dean, you tell him that you can’t risk losing him again.

The Day Before (743) | Dean comforts you when you get a migraine

Once Mine (Michael!Dean) (1.3k) | Michael thinks him possessing Dean can be a win-win for the both of you

Knew You’d Come Around (Michael!Dean) (1.5k) | Michael’s happy you’ve finally come around

Comfortable? (516) | Falling asleep in Dean’s lap while he’s driving

Would You Like To… (978) | You and Dean have been dating for a few months, and now he’s trying to figure out how to ask you to move into his room

Midnight Confessions (1k) | You and Dean have a “heart-to-heart” conversation on the way to Stanford to pick up Sam

Hauled Up (1.5k) | Sam recruits you to try and convince Dean to stop hauling up in his room

When You’re Ready (1.8k) | A case hits you particularly hard and all you want to do is be alone

Never the Favorite (844) | You finally try and set the record straight

Screw Consciousness (410) | Taking a nap with Dean after a long drive

Things Overheard (2k) | Dean overhears a private conversation between you and Sam

I’ve Got Ya (162) | Dean trying to comfort you after a nightmare

Blush (389) | For the first time in your life, you can say you’ve made Dean Winchester blush

Taste (657) | Dean going down on you in the back of Baby

Under Control (2.3k) | Dean keeps reassuring you that he has everything under control in terms of the Mark. But does he really?

Not the Same (Endverse AU) (4.7k) | Part One | Part Two

Coffee Kisses (3.3k) | Part One | Part Two

Old Man / Age Gap Universe

Shiny New Toy (Demon!Dean)

Supernatural: Purgatory Masterlist | 3/? parts done

My Hero Masterlist | ¾ parts done

Dean dressing up as a cowboy for a case and using Old West style pick-up lines

Introducing Dean to phone apps

Going to karaoke night with Dean at a bar

Pretending to be married to Dean for a case

Eating Halloween candy with Dean

Being one of the only witches Dean can stand

Getting Dean the perfect birthday present

Dean still worrying about you even though you’ve broken up

Dean still answering your calls even though you’ve broken up

Finding out you’re Dean’s soulmate from Apocalypse World Michael

Wanted Posters (Incorrect Quotes)

Dating Dean Poem/Moodboard

#dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #spn #supernatural #spn imagine #spn one shot #supernatural imagine #supernatural one shot #dean x you #dean x reader #reader insert #female reader #fluff #smut #spn drabble #supernatural drabble #spn drabbles #supernatural drabbles #kaleldobrev dean winchester masterlist

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zmediaoutlet · 6 months

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Survey results time.

At time of downloading the data we got just over 300 responses, which is not bad for a survey that was long and complicated to take! I'm sure my shamelessness helped. Being a survey for a specific crowd, we also didn't get anyone (as far as I could tell) taking the survey in bad faith, which is a legit surprise. Special shout-out to the several people who, when asked to write literally anything to say they understood what was going on, wrote "literally anything"; additional shout-out to the person who wrote "penus and hole" (sic). You get it, anonymous person.

I'm going to share the top results for the questions here, but I'll also include the raw data as a sheet at the end in case anyone wants to actually go through it with a fine-tooth comb. This is not a survey where cute pie charts or graphs would be useful or readable, so get ready for some sweet-ass numbers:

Story Genre

Unsurprisingly, our leaderboard for most favorite story genre in the 'Anytime!' category is as follows:

Hurt/comfort (153 votes)

Angst (142 votes)

PWP (139 votes)

We just like the guys to get the shit beaten out of them, angstily, and then they can feel better by jerking off about it. The ideal evening.

The big loser in genre, with 34 buds flat out saying "not for me", was Dark!fic. That said, Dark!fic also got 112 votes (third highest) for "has to be JUST right," so we can probably take from there that while as a group we don't hate dark content, we have pretty strict definitions for a) what counts as dark, and b) what kind of dark we're willing to take.

Gencest/gen was arguably the most 'eh, idk?' of the genres, with respectable showings in every category from Anytime to No; most people don't hate it, but people aren't really seeking it out either. It's definitely There.

Story Setting

The winner of most 'Anytime!' votes for story setting is close to my heart; the podium is:

Bunker era (142 votes)

Canon-close, codas, etc (129 votes)

Pre-series/weechesters (126 votes)

It feels good to know that canon is on our side. This may help explain why various alternate universe settings didn't do so hot with the respondents -- the least fave according to this survey is an age!swap AU, followed by a raised apart!AU. Writers who are making Sam the big brother who lives in Cleveland while baby Dean lives in Seattle, you keep living your truth, but readers are rearing back.

That being said, while Canon Divergence isn't an overall winner, it has a full 149 votes in the 'Dig it' category; so, while we may generally prefer canon, we're willing to be led on a garden path away from it. We just want canon to be within shouting distance, at least.

Canonical Character Variants

Here's where the survey gets more complex. I've always been interested in how and why people are fandoming about things, and simple 'yes/no' surveys rarely dig into that meat. The point of the superego/ego/id separation is to really interrogate -- hey, do you like to read about (for example) soulless!Sam because you find it interesting on a high-minded level, or because your heart-strings are getting tugged even if you think it's kinda dumb, or just because it makes you so hornt-up you can't think straight? All are valid, and all are possible simultaneously, but it's interesting to prod at to see how the interest is working. You might also just be like, eh, it's fine, or GOD, STOP, and that's fine too. So, with all that said:

Superego winners:

demon powers!Sam (202 votes)

soulless!Sam (177 votes)

blood addict!Sam (160 votes)

Y'all like to really brain about how Sam is fucked up. I get it.

Ego winners:

Trials of Hell!Sam (186 votes)

blood addict!Sam (180 votes)

demon powers!Sam (161 votes)

Still all Sam, and no surprise that his saintly pale sleeplessness is winning the heartstrings battle.

Id winners:

demon!Dean (205 votes)

demon powers!Sam (175 votes)

blood addict!Sam (165 votes)

Again, no surprise: fandom girlies (gn) love their bad boys, lol. Soulless snuck in at #4 here with 163, presumably because working out still wearing a belt was juuuust dorky enough to kick him off the podium; #5 was Smith & Wesson at 162, probably because if they'd been left in that AU for ten more minutes they would have been fucking over the top of Dean Smith's desk. Glad we're all on the same page, there.

The nopes here were an interesting mix. In the full-on No Thank You category we had Michael!Dean and Gadreel!Sam (with 52 and 53 votes respectively) -- it would be interesting to know if that was due to dread of the storyline specifically, or just how No Bad Wrong it felt to have it happening. These two also led the 'meh' category, although they were joined on the podium of bad by Endverse!Dean (128 Meh votes), which frankly shocked me. Y'all aren't into his thigh holster? C'mon now. Sure, he murders his friends without compunction, but -- thigh holster!

Story Tropes

These ones were fascinatingly all over the place, which is exactly why I wanted to do this. Going to just run down the S/E/I podiums real quick, then 'Hard sell', then No --

Superego winners:

Outsider!POV (211)

Someone Finds Out (191)

Mental health issues (190)

Ego winners:

Mutual pining (252)

First time (242) AND Sick/injured (242)

First time in a long time (235)

Id winners:

Jealousy/possessiveness (224)

First time (218)

First time in a long time (180)

Now, part of what's interesting about these is how they fall off in other categories. Outsider POV wins handily at Superego with 211, but then drops all the way down to 92 votes at Id -- which isn't nothing, but clearly it's preferred to have a heckin' think about how other people view the incest relationship, rather than thinking it's just So Hot that people might. Similarly, while people do think it's so so hot for one brother or the other (or both!) to be possessive at 224 votes, when it comes to the superego that drops right down to 134 votes, presumably as the brain wakes up and goes RED FLAG!

Entering the land of no thank you, we shall have two anti-podiums:

Real hard sell:

Infidelity (127)

magic/powers!Dean (125)

Unrequited/no relationship upgrade (110) AND "Carver Edlund" fandom

This is a much more mixed bag. Infidelity and Unrequited are no surprise here, because it Feels Bad, Man; magic!Dean also not really a surprise, given that most of our respondents prefer being closer to canon, and Dean is very much our mundane buddy in the show as presented. (A delightful buddy, but a distinctly nonmagical one.) Carver Edlund fandom makes me laugh mostly because it's such a bananas thing to exist in the show. Sam and Dean reading big bang fics about each other? Collectively we just... don't know what to do with that. Weird.

Squick/No/Maybe one exception:

Permanent character death (140)

Infidelity (108)

Eating disorders (102)

Again, no surprise in the anti-winners of 1 or 2 here, but number 3 surprised me, personally. ED fic used to be a pretty big wedge of common tropes that people would seek out. Perhaps it's gotten less popular over the years? Or perhaps just that the people who like it REALLY like it and so chat about it out loud, while those who don't quietly bury it in sand, lo as a cat does with their leavings.

Most extreme delta in 'general interest' (whether that be S,E, or I) to 'ehh' (whether that be Hard Sell or Squick) is first time. Y'all loooove your first time.

Sexy Tropes, Vol. 1

This is where I really wanted to know if people could pull apart their interests between brain and heart and guts. Hopefully people were honest, as requested. Some of them we know are slight liar answers, because the hits on AO3 tell a story that can't be refuted -- nevertheless, here's what people were willing to admit to.

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Bedsharing (158)

Incest kink (139)

Size kink (133)

your friendly neighborhood survey creator is jumping up and down going 'wooo' that size kink made the podium. also I hope everyone understood that incest kink meant, like, indulging in the incest of it all via 'oh you're so totes my brother and i want to suck your dingle for that reason specifically', but I realize that could've been clearer.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

shameless bottom!Dean stuff (151)

switching (147)

voyeurism (138)

the first one here genuinely surprises me considering what I see getting written most often; is this a case of just not being in the right venn diagrams, or the 'easy sell' just not matching up with what people are being sold? Curiouser and curiouser.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

bad/awkward sex (120)

phone sex (114)

in [drug/alcohol] veritas (110)

edging into awkward town in a few ways here: we don't love these, but we can see how it'd be fun. or not fun, in the case of bad sex.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

always-another-gender!AU (84)

multiple Sams or Deans (73)

genderswap (magic) (72)

so, in general, we prefer to keep the penises around and intact, but just one Sam penis and one Dean penis, please. Here, I'm interested that the volume is much lower than in the top category: maxing out at 84 hard sells compared to 158 bulletproof options means that we're willing to give more of these tropes a chance, even if they're not our faves. How accepting we are!

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

always-another-gender!AU (83)

A/B/O elements (65)

multiple Sams or Deans (51)

strong overlap with the hard sell; and, keeping in mind that people were able to choose multiple options, it's possible that some of those were identical votes. Again, please keep the penises straightforward and only two at a time. A/B/O is interesting here, especially given what we know of how well it does on AO3; while it's a big squick for a lot of people, it also has decently high votes in bulletproof/easy, averaging 82 votes. Mixed bag!

Sexy Tropes Vol. 2, Electric Boogaloo

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Possessive/claiming sex (129)

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (116)

Hair pulling (103)

Let's glance back up at the Id winners in the story tropes above, hmm quietly to ourselves, and move on.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (135)

Hair pulling (130)

Possessive/claiming sex (121)

Well, that's boring. So let's expand so as not to be repetitive:

4. Dub-con (116) 5. Dom/sub (113) AND Underage (113) 6. Knifeplay (107)

There we go. Pretty easy to put all of those into one fic, too.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

Blindfolds (128)

Painplay (116)

Shibari/rope play (112)

We're starting to lose interest as accessories come into play. Interesting to compare D/s and its relative success against painplay -- so, tell him what to do, but don't hit him while you're doing it. Fair enough.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

Fucking machines (94)

Vore (80)

Mommy!kink (77)

Entertaining mix here, haha. General feasibility may be rearing its head here. (Also, for my own entertainment: daddy!kink got 67 Hard Sell votes. People generally prefer to keep it as horizontal incest, not vertical incest.)

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

Feederism (164)

Vore (161)

Extreme underage (157)

No surprises here, although some fans of the nibbly variety of wincest may be disappointed by vore's poor placement. Note also that 'extreme' is in the eye of the beholder; we'll leave aside value judgments, as we have for the whole survey, and note that people are not indulging in a version of underage they find to be personally past the line, or at least are not admitting to that.

At a glance, the closest matchup between bulletproof for some and a squick to others is bloodplay, with just 1 vote separating the two categories: 44 bulletproof, 43 squick. Next time someone tries to tell you that 'everyone' likes or doesn't like something, please take it with an entire shaker full of salt.

Dynamic & Position Preferences

I tried to encourage people not to think too hard about this one and just answer on instinct. Who knows if that worked. But here are some overview takes:

Toppy/dominant: Sam takes the lead here, with 69% of respondents being in the 'Love it!' category. Nice. (217 votes)

Dom Dean earned a respectable 52% of 'Love it!' votes (163).

However, I was also interested to check out the inverse --

subby!Sam: 44 'Very no thank' votes (13%) subby!Dean: 27 'Very no thank' votes (8%)

It's interesting to leap way back up and compare that against 'shameless bottom!Dean stuff' doing so well in the rated E categories. Makes you ponder.

Actual sex position: Frequently switching takes the win here, with 61% of the vote (194 votes). Sam always topping edges out if people must choose, with 144 votes; Dean always topping is our lowest choice, with 112.

Service!topping: this is a fairly niche fic type, but it does still exist -- I guess in a world of bottoms someone's got to actually get up and do something, and it is hilariously an almost perfectly even split:

service!top Sam: 50.17% (151 votes) service!top Dean: 51.50% (155 votes)

A healthy percentage of people said they didn't care about these questions either way, and more power to them. However, they were wildly outvoted by those who did.

Multishipping Time

Our final categories are when other people get their grubby hands on Sam or Dean, either canonically(ish) or in our fandom activities.

Canonical relationships for Sam

Jess wins, quelle surprise. :) 161 people Dug It and who can blame them.

Amelia LOSES, shocking no one: 112 people said Fuck That.

Eileen was definitely a mixed bag; her results, in order, were: Meh: 92; Fuck that: 76; Worse than meh: 66; Dug it: 44.

Canonical(ish) relationships for Dean

Note here: it was too unbalanced if we only went with people Dean officially dated. However, the show leaned hard into a few unrequited male relationships for him, which we included here, and no one sent me hate about it so I guess that was fine.

Benny wins the Love It! category with 129 votes, barely edging out Cassie at 122. Benny is best boy, so that fits.

Cas loses with a full 99 Fuck That votes, which is probably what we'd expect from a wincest survey. That said, he also got 93 Dug It votes, so it's a pretty balanced showing.

Poor Lisa sits firmly at Meh with 148 votes. It's not that we hate you, Lisa; we just don't really know what to do with you. Which is pretty much how the relationship went in the show.

Shipping Sam like FedEx

We returned to the S/E/I model for shipping as we did for tropes, because it means something very different to go 'oh sure, I can see how that would be interesting' vs saying 'I want them to fuck rawnasty and I don't care why they're doing it.' Apologies if I left out your favorite side-ship but, shit, there's only so much time in the day.

So, we return to the podiums:

Superego:

Ruby (132)

Rowena (121)

Cas (102)

Ego:

Rowena (121)

Cas (106)

Ruby (90)

Id:

Ruby (125)

John (121)

Rowena (118)

So that was going on sedately until Dad came in like a hammer. Fascinating. On the other hand:

No:

Lisa (234)

Donna (222)

Claire (219)

Interesting to me that these three are ladies that Sam theoretically could have got up in but people are not into it, regardless. This is slightly different to Dean's 'no' category -- spoilers for three inches of screen space!

Dean, Shipped by UPS

Superego:

John (129)

Benny (115)

Lisa (99)

Ego:

Benny (134)

John (116)

Lisa (102)

Id:

John (147)

Benny (128)

Crowley (114)

Well. That tells a slightly different story, ahem. Enjoy the various tropes that will be applied, Dean! And then we get:

No:

Amelia (245)

Kevin (223)

Gabriel (217)

Comparing to the Sam 'no' above -- these three are slightly more 'traditional' Sam ships, though the wincest shippers are nevertheless not into them for Sam, either. Dean literally never spoke to or saw Amelia on screen, so it'd be a determined shipper who'd make that happen. Not undoable, though!

Conclusion

Syke: there isn't one to be made. This really shows how diverse the taste is in the wincest community, or at least in the wincest community that a) happened to see this survey over the last five days and b) bothered to take it. This particular group leans slightly toward e.g. toppy Sam, or slightly toward switching, but when you look at raw numbers what you see is that at least one person LOVES every single one of these things, and at least one person fucking HATES every single one of these things, and so -- so what? Write what you want. If you see a niche of something that you love where you feel like not enough people are writing or reading, try to fill it. If you're worried "no one" will like it, well -- you're wrong. Someone will. It just needs to get seen by the right people.

That's where fandom comes in, to spread the love even if something isn't bulletproof for us -- reblogging a post to say, 'hey, my mutual made this thing, look at it!' What a joy it'd be if someone saw it and loved it to absolute shattering bits, and then found their little bulletproof community, and happiness was made. What's the point, if we're not making each other happy.

Thanks for participating if you did, and reading all this if you did. Here's a link to a google sheet (read only) with all the tables of raw data if you're interested. I'll post some of the more entertaining fill-in answers later.

s&d shipping survey results: November 1, 2023 - Google Sheets

#happy wincest wednesday #wincest #survey results #warning this is really long lol #but thanks for doing the thing <3

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whumporpass · 18 days

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Hello whumpers!

This is “Whump or Pass”, a blog where you can submit your favorite characters by ask, and see if the whump community would rather whump them, or pass on whumping them!

Run by @angst-is-love-angst-is-life

In case you don’t know what “whump” is, here is the fanlore definition:

The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. - Fanlore

Rules/Guidelines

Propaganda in visual and/or written form is allowed AND encouraged

Voter fraud is also allowed because I believe if you're dedicated enough to do it; you should, but remember: With great power, there must also come great responsibility.

Characters:

Submit the name of any fictional (see below) character and the name of the media they are from.

All submissions must be fictional, possible exceptions for AU versions of a person would be decided by me on a case to case basis. Actors playing a character in live action does qualify as fictional. (Ex. “Jensen Ackles” would not be allowed but “Dean Winchester” who is played by Jensen Ackles, would be allowed)

OCs are allowed.

If submitting a specific version of a character; specify exactly which one they are.

Pictures (Optional):

You may include a picture of your character or OC.

If no picture is provided, I will add one.

No NSFW material in the pictures.

Do not submit an AI generated image. If an image of the character does not exist, please use a faceclaim, picrew, art, or something similar. (Faceclaims are allowed for the same reason actors playing a character are).

For initial submission, picture should be a still image and not a gif or video.

Background (Optional):

You may include a short blurb/background of the character if you like.

Propaganda (Optional):

If you reblog a poll with propaganda for why this character should be whumped, I will reblog it here under the tag “whump or pass propaganda”

Gifs or videos can be included in reblog propaganda, as well as longer written information about the character’s history and why they should be whumped.

I am not in every fandom, so if I get something like a picture or name wrong please don’t hesitate to let me know so I can correct it :]

If you want to submit a picture but would like to remain anonymous; I can copy paste everything in your ask and exclude your account name in the post (or tag a sideblog if you still want to be included in the post).

Additional guidelines to be added as needed. My apologies if these are a little strict, just making sure to cover as many bases as possible.

#pinned post #whump or pass rules #whumporpass blog

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winchester-reload · 1 year

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I have a few thoughts about the Winchesters finale, and though I wasn’t gonna weigh in on this, it turns out I needed to write this down to get it out of my head, so here we go.

I understand that Misha was approached to be included on the show and that there was a “scheduling conflict” that included multiple conversations with Jensen. Here’s my interpretation of that:

I believe Cas was supposed to make a cameo in episode 13 to tee up the confession resolution—this was always the episode where they were going to crack open the “surprise twist” even before learning they would only get 13 episodes total. In the original scenario, episode 13 would have been the hellatus episode rather than a finale, leaving room for everything to come to a head with episode 22 instead. It’s then they would have given us the actual Dean and Cas reunion. This would have wrapped both stories nicely with each group going off into their own respective sunsets—their own happy endings, while still leaving all the room for the new crew to explore more seasons; all along, we see, The Winchesters was about Dean and Cas as much as it was about Mary and John.

When they didn’t get the back half of the season picked up, I assume they feared it would be more dangerous to show a Cas cameo without getting to address the confession, so Misha likely opted to be left out instead. With the only hint to Cas being Dean’s line that he was looking for his family when he found the Akrida, then directly drawing the parallel that Jack and Bobby were “family.” The core crew for Dean has always been Bobby, Sam, Jack, AND Cas. And he wasn’t looking for Sam because he was still on earth. So who’s left? You might be compelled to believe he was window shopping AU versions of his parents, but he confirms he ran into the Akrida in this world and then sought to interfere with the order by approaching John in an effort to prevent it from spreading to Sam's world. (Why Cas would be AU hopping, idk. The boy is really afraid of being shot down, I guess.)

It goes far to explain the vast narrative parallels we saw reflected in the Monster Club crew if it was intended as a setup for the confession payoff. It honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense otherwise. There’s no reason these people should be living Dean's experiences and regrets every episode unless the writers wanted the viewer to be thinking about the lessons and resolutions in how they relate to Dean too.

Additionally, as this has been a largely uncontested take, this is Jensen's well-funded fanfic come to life. Complete with the embracing of many of our favorite fanfic tropes and emphasized by Dean’s own words throughout the season. Because this is an obvious embrace of that “write your own story” fan side, I believe the reason Dean couldn’t even say Cas’ name in the episode is because they were going to change the spelling from “Cass” as it was in the show proper to the fan-adopted (and more accurate) spelling of “Cas,” which would have appeared in the subtitles and later the script pages. And even that little thing right there would have been a huge giveaway to the whole game. And a very dangerous thing to do if there wasn’t going to be enough time for follow-through.

But the truth is, this isn’t a game for many people, and the harm that can be caused by good intentions is just as real. It also begs the question: why should this be so difficult? The answer is it’s not. Edging forever isn’t fun. It’s torture. I understand there’s an art to storytelling, but your audience is weary, and trust has been violated too many times. Even still, the flip side of that coin is honest to god respect for DeanCas endgame means taking the story and the reveal seriously. It’s a tightrope walk. And one that Robbie somehow managed to keep balanced after the finale, without it falling either way. Also we also need to consider the possibility that Jensen did pitch a full-on destiel love story spin-off but got shot down, opting to couch it in a more CW-branded world instead. He’s mentioned over half a dozen pitches were rejected. It's up to you whether you want to give him the benefit of the doubt on that.

But, I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t know that we will ever get that resolution we crave. Even Robbie confirmed The Winchesters were always meant to “go it alone” after the first season. It’s hard to imagine Dean popping in there to fuck around again after that handoff. But the dude is clearly a very restless sea-faring*, swoopy-haired mofo right now, so I’ll leave that one up to the SPN multiverse and the new Mr. Superwholock’s magical universe-traveling impala. (This show used to be about what again? *looks at notes*.) And FWIW, if they do get green-lit for a whole second season or are allowed to move networks, I believe a good-faith effort will be made to tie the narrative parallels we saw in season one to some real Dean and Cas resolution. If there gets to be a world where John *might* not turn into an abusive dick, then this possibility has to be true too.

For the record, I enjoyed The Winchesters, all the new characters, and the doors the finale opened for the possibility of more. I would have been fine half-watching it with no promises, empty head no thoughts, but I got my clown** suit on again, and though I mostly kept quiet, unlike last time, I did regrettably manage to drag a few friends down with me yet again. Though the spec sessions were epic, and we did get some art out of it—it still rocks the boat when the base level expectations were only 1. Dean alive, and 2. seeing Cas again.

But for anyone, like me, upset by the (likely unintentional) Cas-baiting or anyone still reeling about why this stuff can hit so hard, here’s an interesting article about the way our brains respond to fictional characters. Tl;dr: There’s nothing wrong with you. This is science. And while you’re at it, take a look at this article about the very real power of disenfranchised grief over character loss.

Ramble on, fam. And take care of yourselves.

<3 Jackie

*Um hi he appears as a sailor? Literally, on a show with a story Dean is writing whose audience is looking for a resolution to a conversation between two people who’re famously the “most shipped” characters of all time? That’s not an accident. That’s intentional. And it’s another reason why there might be a bitter taste in your mouth. These nods came without resolution, so it still feels dirty, despite the brilliant Easter egg.

**I hesitate to say “clown” here because the lesson on episode 12 was that the clowns were the ones who chose a self-induced limbo rather than face some personal hard revelations. That sounds more like a certain closeted character than it does the people cheering him on, and that felt like an intentional nod too.

***obviously, this is my own rambling spec as I try to reorder my thoughts in the wake of the finale.

#the winchesters #destiel #spnwin #jackie's talking #meta #finale thoughts #my art

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ktwritesstuff · 1 year

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The Professor (Pedro Pascal smut inspired by SNL)

Title: The Professor Fandom: RPF: Pedro Pascal, Hot for teacher AU Rating: Explicit Characters & Pairings: Pedro Pascal (professor of Latin American Studies) x Reader (bedraggled PhD candidate) Word Count: ~2000 Summary: As if that SNL skit wasn't going to launch a thousand smut fics... As always, lovingly beta-read by @bs-fangirl. Additional notes below the cut.

Notes: This is my first "real person fic," may God have mercy on my soul. Additionally, my Spanish is virtually non-existent; I've relied heavily on Google Translate and asking my coworkers questions on the sly, my apologies for any errors! As we all know, this is not a story about actual human Pedro Pascal, but the fictionalized version which lives rent free in our heads. And as proper fan girl culture dictates, we keep this shit locked down. But just in case:

This note is for actual human Pedro Pascal and Pedro Pascal only. I don't know why you would click "Read More" on a post clearly labeled "Pedro Pascal, Hot for teacher AU" but if you have, I beg of you LOOK AWAY, SIR. LOOK AWAY. If you choose to proceed, I will not be responsible for any trauma you may suffer as a result. Thank you.

For everyone else, I give you:

The Professor

Professor Pedro Pascal was the head of the Latin American Studies department at your small college. You had never been in his classes as an undergrad–Latin American Fiction and Poetry, and a special seminar on the Magical Realism of Isabel Allende–but it was well known around campus that his family had fled Pinochet when he was a child, which granted him unsurprising street cred among your communist-leaning circle of friends. He had been appointed the interim director of the campus’s Literary Center–after his predecessor was ousted for exposing himself in a virtual meeting.

As the Center’s Graduate Assistant Director, it meant although he wasn’t technically your boss, you were suddenly spending an annoying amount of time working around the throngs of freshman girls who flocked to his office hours. You couldn’t really blame them. He was, if not an outright heartthrob, a reasonably good-looking college professor. A strong face, with a short, rugged beard, a striking Roman nose, and deep brown eyes with the most charming crow's feet. He had a lean physique, with a hint of softness at the belly, just this side of a “dad bod.”

His modest good looks combined with a cheerful disposition and a penchant for quoting the love poetry of Pablo Neruda were like catnip for liberal arts majors. And although you were a card-carrying bra-burning feminist, you weren’t entirely immune.

“Professor,” his office door was open, but you knocked on the frame.

Pedro looked up from the stack of resumes you had been sent to review before the selection panel for a new director.

“Coffee?”

“Mi angelita,” he sighed, rising from his desk to graciously accept the warm cup from your hands. “What time is the first candidate arriving?”

“Noon,” you said. “You, me, Dr. Monroe, the Provost, and Assistant Dean are sitting on the interview panel.”

Pedro looked at his watch.

“Shit,” he sighed. “I have Intro to Creative Writing at 9:30.”

“I’ll set up the conference room,” you said as he shoved his papers into his messenger bag, slinging it over his shoulder, still carrying the open mug as he raced down the stairs.

“Thank you, Angel. Thank you!”

It was a six month process to find a new director. Six months of staring across the conference table, chewing on the end of your pen, pretending not to be affected by the way he leaned in when you spoke and stroked his thumb across his lower lip in concentration. Or the obscene way he spread his legs in a comfortable chair while speaking with candidates in front of a panel of students.

And having to do it all over again when your first choice–a student favorite–declined the position, to stay in New Jersey of all things. You knew Pedro was relieved to have reached a conclusion; he didn’t care for the administrative duties or politics. He wanted to teach, to be with his students. You admired that about him, he appreciated your organizational skills (and the fact that when you made coffee it counted as a meal.) You worked well together, but now that was coming to an end.

It was past 9pm and you had already closed up the Literary Center for the night, but Pedro was still in his office, reviewing students’ papers.

“I’m done for the night, Professor,” you said. “Is there anything I can do to help you get out of here?”

“That depends,” he said, with a wry smile that had you convinced he was only half-kidding. “How’s your Spanish?”

“Hmm,” you said, stepping into the light of the desk lamp. “¿Dónde está la biblioteca? ¿Como estas? Bien, gracias. ¡Qué lluvia! And that’s all I’ve got.”

Pedro chuckled. “I’ve heard worse.”

“That and un tequila, por favor.”

“Tequila,” Pedro repeated, intrigued. He reached into the bottom drawer of his desk, pulling out a bottle of Patron. “That I can help you with.”

Your mouth fell open in surprise.

“Professor,” you deadpanned. “I don’t know if you knew this, but alcohol is not permitted in academic buildings.”

"Lucky for me," he said, picking up the bottle. "I have tenure."

You laughed and Pedro laughed; you offered to run downstairs to retrieve a pair of glasses and a salt shaker from the kitchen while he finished grading papers in record speed.

“I worry about these kids,” Pedro said, three shots deep. “I do! The moment they hear something the least bit troubling, they refuse to engage with the material. Our world exists in shades of gray. They want things to be ideologically pure, when what they need is to learn to discern. To question. To decide!”

“I understand what you’re saying, Professor,” you said.

“Pedro, please,” he interrupted you. “Pedro.”

“Pedro,” you repeated. “I agree, but there’s no reason we need to elevate and spotlight the same tired canon of bigots, abusers, and dead white men year after year when there is so much more out there.”

Pedro downed another shot and pointed an accusing finger at you.

“Look who’s talking,” he said. “Your PhD is in Shakespeare Studies!”

“I know,” you laughed, pouring yourself another glass. “I know, I’m a terrible person.”

“You are not,” he said, suddenly serious. “You have an incredible mind and the most beautiful way of looking at the world.”

You felt languid and relaxed and warm. You liked the way Pedro looked at you. There was something undeniably romantic about getting drunk in the richly furnished office, with its leather armchairs and oak bookshelves, debating the merits of Nietzsche and bell hooks.

“Okay,” you broke the silence. “Okay, here’s a fun fact you can pass along to your successor. There are 3 prints signed by Allen Ginsberg in this building, and you can see them all from this desk.”

“There’s the one on the wall,” Pedro said, pointing to the framed portrait hanging above the bookshelf.

“Yes,” you said, rising from your chair and moving to the other side of the desk. “And there in the hallway, on the right, that's an excerpt from "Howl" they set in the printshop downstairs.”

You perched on the arm of his chair to get closer to his eye-level, pointing through the open door. You slipped, nearly falling into his lap and he placed a hand on your back to steady you. He smelled amazing, like old leather and warm spices.

“And there, in the stairwell, you can just make out the top of his head on that linotype,” you explained. “Do you see it?”

“I do.”

When you turned your head, Pedro was looking at you. Perhaps it was the tequila, but you were almost certain he was staring at your lips, his eyes heavily lidded, smiling lazily.

“You look tired,” you warned. You should have gotten up to leave, but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want this warm, lovely feeling to ever end.

“Just thinking,” he said.

“About what?”

“Kissing you,” he said.

You were almost surprised; you had spent so much time trying to convince yourself that your semester-long flirtation was a one-sided puppy crush. You had been so busy with your research and recruiting and planning, you had forgotten somewhere along the way that you were a stone cold fox with tits and ass for days and enough sex appeal to blow the top off Mount St. Helens.

“You can,” you said, turning your body toward him. “I don’t mind.”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Fine then,” you turned to stand.

Pedro seized you by the waist, pulling you back into his lap and into a long, slow kiss. His lips were surprisingly soft and his mouth tasted like salt and lime as his tongue brushed into yours with careful, confident strokes.

“That was nice,” your eyes fluttered open as Pedro finally pulled away. “You’re a good kisser.”

“You, too,” Pedro said. “Again?”

You tilted your chin, touching the point on your neck, just below your ear. As Pedro leaned in, working the beginnings of a hickey into your neck, you guided his hands from your waist to your breasts. You pressed against him, moving to straddle his thigh.

“More?” Pedro asked.

“Yes,” you panted. You braced yourself on the back of the chair, one hand on either side of his head, grinding against his leg, feeling hot and wet as he kneaded your breasts with reverent appreciation.

“Mi amor,” he breathed.

“Pedro,” you held his face, nipping at his bottom lip.

“Dime, lo qué quieres.”

“Fuck.” His accent went straight to your cunt. You ran one hand up his thigh, groping at the crotch of his chinos.

Pedro let out an obscene moan and hoisted you up onto his desk. He slid his hands up your thighs, fingers slipping into your panties. He ran his fingertips through your folds, tracing circles around the swollen nub of your clit with an absolute shit-eating grin.

“Qué lluvia.”

You howled with laughter. “I know that one! I know that one!”

“A huevo.”

Pedro rose from his chair, bunching your dress up around your waist. You pulled his shirt free from the waistband of his pants, running your hands up the warm skin of his back.

“Want you,” you sighed. “Want you inside me.”

“Whatever you want, Angelita.”

Pedro pulled your underwear down to your ankles, pausing to retrieve a condom from the wallet in his back pocket, like an over-eager undergrad, pulling down his pants to roll it on. He pressed the head of his cock against your clit. You grabbed him by the ass, wrapping your legs around him to guide him into you.

Pedro flicked his hips into you with short, quick strokes, sending jolts of energy through your core.

“More,” you pleaded breathlessly. “Deeper.”

Pedro lifted your ankles onto his shoulders, pressing into you long and slow until you could feel him bumping against your cervix. You gasped, reaching behind you, scrambling for leverage, knocking the computer monitor off the desk.

“Oh no!” You turned, trying to catch it before it crashed to the floor.

“It’s okay!” Pedro said, taking your face in his hands to guide your gaze back to his eyes. “It’s a shitty computer. It’s fine.”

You moaned, letting your head fall back, grabbing for his chest with one hand as he fucked you.

“So soft,” he moaned against your ear. “So fucking good for me, Angel.”

“Give me your hand,” you said, guiding his fingers back to your clit. “Up and down, right there. Oh God.”

You grabbed Pedro’s shoulder to brace yourself.

“I’m close,” he warned.

“Not yet,” you pleaded. “Just a little more.”

You could feel your own climax building inside you. You just needed a little more to push you over the edge.

“Oh God!”

Pedro came inside you with a gasp as your inner walls clenched around him. He slowly withdrew, supporting your legs, and easing you onto your back, scattering papers and pens onto the floor. He kissed your neck and your breasts as his hands explored the curves of your body.

You woke the next morning on the couch in Pedro’s office. You were lying on top of him; your head on his chest. He had his arms around you, your head was pounding as you squinted into the daylight.

“We got fucked up last night?” you said.

“Yup.”

“It was nice."

"It was," Pedro agreed, kissing the top of your head as you blinked sleep from your eyes.

"What time is it?”

You grabbed his forearm, turning it so you could look at the face of his watch.

“Oh shit,” you gasped. “I have Freshman Seminar in half an hour.”

“I already missed my morning classes,” Pedro moaned, letting his head fall back against the armrest.

“Do you want to explain to Dr. Monroe why I can’t teach her class?” you said, rising from the couch and searching the office floor for your underpants.

“No,” Pedro said. “She scares me.”

You pulled your underwear back on, finding your bag, you used the satin scarf tied around the handle to cover the love-bites blooming on your throat and chest. You dabbed concealer under your eyes and added a fresh coat of red lipstick.

“Would you like to have lunch together? Not at the Caf. Somewhere nice, like a date.” Pedro asked, sitting up. He looked endearingly child-like with his bedhead and giant brown eyes.

You paused, checking your reflection in your compact mirror.

“Can we do that?” you asked.

“I don’t see why not,” he said. “You were never my student and after this week we won’t even work together any more.”

“Oh,” you nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“I’ll pack things up here and meet you after class.”

You smiled. “I’ll see you then.”

#rpf: pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #hot for teacher AU #mr. ben has us in a chokehold #mr. ben snl #pedro pascal x you

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catindabag · 10 months

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That’s it. Here are my personal Top 10 favorite TBOSAS fanfics to read on the weekends.

PS: Most of them were published even before the trailer for the upcoming movie premiered.

So here are my recommendations:

1. The Plinth Prize by Redex

This oneshot is a certified classic angsty Snowjanus/SnowPlinth fic. And honestly, this is why I support my fellow SnowPlinth shippers, cuz this story could definitely replace the last 3 chapters of TBOSAS and I wouldn’t even question it.

2. Nothing to lose by HopelessRomantikk

This oneshot is another Snowjanus/SnowPlinth fic. However, this one is quite romantically sweet as cinnamon with lots of kisses. Just play the song Say Yes to Heaven by Lana Del Rey in the background and you’re good to go.😘

3. Reflections of the Garden by madzdolin

This one is an angsty SnowBaird fic that actually gives you one of the best bittersweet endings ever. It also gave the readers a proper closure to Coryo’s relationship with both Lucy Gray and Sejanus. You might even cry a little when you read the last chapter. Just saying~.😚

4. Saving Each Other by flipflop_diva

This oneshot is one of those unique SnowBaird fics that gives the readers a good “What if” scenario to seriously think about, cuz in this AU, Coryo doesn’t escape the Arena with Sejanus. So he’s basically stuck with Lucy Gray as another “tribute,” until they both won by waiting and poisoning everybody else. And yes, Reaper was not amused.

5. You Complete Me by gaytriforce

This oneshot is another classic Snowjanus/SnowPlinth confession fic. Moreover, I really loved the simple way of how they got together. And to be honest, this short fic could replace the whole Peacekeeper arc and I wouldn’t even notice the change.

6. Pursuit Predation by evaerobics

This oneshot is that rare Snowjanus/SnowPlinth AU fic that deserves another 50 chapters. It basically gives the readers a “What if” scenario where Coryo was chosen to Mentor District two’s male Tribute, Sejanus Plinth. And yes, Sejanus kissed Coryo in front of his classmates before entering the Capitol Arena.

7. The last two loves of his life by boneslen

This one is a good bittersweet angsty SnowBaird/SnowPlinth fic. Basically, Lucy Gray was forced to become an Avox by Dr. Gaul. Sejanus is still dead. And Coryo is busy having a mental breakdown every second of the day. The newly elected President of Panem just really wants both his girlfriend and boyfriend back, ok. The Bi-panic is real with this one.

8. Roses and Nutmeg by PliaPlia

This Snowjanus/SnowPlinth oneshot features a very stressed out malnourished AF Coryo, who became quite ill because he keeps giving away his food to a very busy Tigris. Seriously, somebody give the poor cabbage boy some soup. Sejanus, call your Ma and feed your future boyfriend.

9. Feverish Dreams by Cordeliadumaurier

Let’s just agree that this long ass SnowBaird fic has the craziest story of the season. I mean, the revenge plot alone is amazing, and every single character is insane in their own way, even Lucy Gray. Moreover, everyone is just borderline obsessed with Coryo’s dead dad, Crassus Snow. Even dead Dean Casca Highbottom was freaking in love with Snow’s dead dad! So yeah, they’re all obsessed, depressed, and crazy. Everyone needs therapy, but Snow still lands on top. #Crasca4ever

10. The Sound of Snow Falling by PRES_CS_HGT

This HG/TBOSAS fic is one of my personal favorites. The plot alone is great and unique in its own way, because it features a very young and confused 5’4 and a half Coryo Snow waking up after the end of the Second Rebellion. Also, the new President, Alma Coin wants to place him inside the Arena as a Tribute for the crimes he doesn’t even remember committing. And his assigned Mentor, Katniss Everdeen hates him for some reason. And what the heck happened to Tigris?! Why is she so old?! And why does she look like a literal tiger?! Who knows, Coryo Snow.

Special Mention:

1. I’m so sorry, Coryo by HopelessRomantikk

Basically, this features Sejanus Plinth’s angsty POV in TBOSAS, and how he was secretly in love with Coryo Snow since forever. However, he still meets the same fate here.

2. The needle in the brain by Sweetlit

This TBOSAS AU fic is already wild and spicy like some Lana Del Rey album. The plot alone is great and full of mysteries. Moreover, this story’s “What if” scenario features a very desperate and depressed Coryo Snow seducing a heartbroken Dean Casca Highbottom to let him stay in the Capitol after winning the Hunger Games. And let’s just agree that if ever Crassus Snow reads this fic, he might as well burn Panem to the ground.

3. The Hanging Tree by SirFanfic

This oneshot features a regretful Coryo Snow, who decided to have a last minute change of heart and saved Sejanus from being hanged.

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ao719 · 9 months

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…Sometimes Not (Part 6)

The Scars Still Follow Me Around

Song inspo: Don’t Hold Me - Dean Lewis

A/N: This is an au mini series to my Always You story. Thank you @burnsoslow for prereading! Please excuse any errors.

Book/Pairing: TRR; Liam x OC (Reyna)

Rating: T • Warnings: None but some mild language.

Catch up here

“Are you all packed?”

Reyna looked at her phone that was propped up against the pillows on her bed. “Yeah,” she replied, patting the top of her suitcase. “I think I got everything.”

“Everyone is really excited you’re coming,” Liam chuckled. “When I told Maxwell, he was practically bouncing up and down.”

Reyna smiled. “It’s been a long time …”

Liam smiled in return. “Too long.”

In the few months since Liam and Reyna’s Paris run-in, the two had quickly fallen back into the friendship they once had. They resumed their video chats a few times a week and kept one another up to date on their day-to-day, playfully bantered and bickered, and laughed and joked, just like old times.

It was crazy how once that awkwardness ebbed away, it felt like no time at all had passed. They were back to the Liam and Reyna they were before they crossed that line … and that included her keeping her feelings for him hidden, just like she had before. Their past situation had gone unspoken about by either of them, seemingly brushed under the rug and ignored as though that part of their story never happened. He didn’t bring it up, so neither did she … but maybe that was for the best.

Liam had also been in New York a few times, and the pair had hung out like they always had before. Now, Reyna was preparing for a trip to Cordonia. It was Leo’s 30th birthday, and the Aldridge family had been invited to attend the ball being thrown in his honor. Liam had called to extend the invitation himself along with the offer to send the royal jet for them. Reyna smiled as she said she was looking forward to it … but behind that smile lingered some scars.

This trip to Cordonia would mark the first time Reyna had returned since Liam’s coronation ball, the last time she saw him before their reunion three years later; it would also be the first time she would see any of the Cordonian gang since then as well. Knowing she was going back there was proving to be more difficult than she thought it would be.

More than three years had passed, but Reyna’s upcoming visit brought to light unresolved feelings and issues that she hadn’t realized she held onto until now. And along with that was a simmering resentment she didn’t even know she carried.

“You ok?” Liam asked, pulling Reyna from the daze she’d fallen into.

“Yeah,” Reyna smiled as she looked at him through the screen. “Just tired. It is almost midnight here.”

“You can sleep on the flight over,” Liam said. “Also, I made sure the jet was stocked with all your favorite snacks.”

“And they say chivalry is dead,” Reyna chuckled.

Liam winked with a grin, then glanced at his watch. “Alright, I better shower and start my day. And you need to go meet your parents at the airport. I’ll see you later.”

Reyna smiled halfheartedly. “Can’t wait …”

****

A couple of hours later, high above the North Atlantic, Reyna stared down at her book, the words blurring together beneath the dim overhead cabin light. She couldn’t concentrate; the jet smelled of rich leather mixed with the lingering scent of Liam’s cologne. All she could think about was him … and her impending arrival in Cordonia.

“I’m surprised you’re not asleep,” Gideon said just above a whisper.

Reyna glanced over at him; he was sitting in the seat across from her, beside her sleeping mother. “Same to you.”

Gideon smiled. “So … what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Reyna replied with a shrug. “Just reading.”

Gideon gave her a look, and when Reyna furrowed her brows in question, he sighed. “If I didn’t know you as well as I do, the way you’ve been staring at the same page of that book for the last 45 minutes was a dead giveaway.”

Reyna sighed, closing the book and drumming her fingers against the cover. “This will be my first time back in Cordonia since … everything … and it just seems to be dredging up some stuff.”

“You and Liam are in a good place now,” Gideon said. “You can’t let what happened back then ruin what you just got back.”

“It’s not about Liam.” Not specifically. Reyna glanced over to meet her father’s gaze. “It’s the first time I’m going to see Leo …”

Gideon stared at her for a moment. “Ah,” he nodded in understanding.

“It’s been over three years and I … I didn’t know it even bothered me, but getting ready for this trip, knowing I was going to see him … it seems to have brought up this resentment I didn’t even know I had. All I can think about is what he did being the reason …” Reyna trailed off, shaking her head. “I know, it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Gideon said. “But holding a grudge isn’t going to change the past, Reyna.”

“I know,” Reyna sighed.

“Well … perhaps this trip will give you some closure you didn’t know you needed.” Gideon smiled sympathetically when she looked at him. “Try and get some rest.”

****

Much later, after his last meeting of the day, Liam hurried from his study and headed to the south wing to change; Reyna and her parents would be arriving soon. He’d filled his schedule with back-to-back meetings in hopes of helping him pass the time by staying occupied, but it didn’t do much in helping to keep him distracted.

Liam was excited for Reyna’s arrival, but a little on edge, wondering how her visit would affect the way he’d already been struggling. They were in a good place now and he didn’t want anything to ruin that, which is the reason he’d kept how he still felt about her to himself the past few months since their Parisian reunion.

It hadn’t been easy.

They had fallen so easily back into their old routine, and while Liam was enjoying having his best friend back in his life, every time he saw or spoke to Reyna, he was only reminded of all the reasons he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. Her bigger-than-life personality, her wit, her sense of humor, her brilliant smile and infectious laugh, her kind heart.

Holding those feelings in had been difficult, but there was one thing that helped Liam: the simple fact that he was terrified. He had just gotten Reyna back in his life and he didn’t want to do anything to risk losing her again. Sure, what they shared three years ago was without a doubt the greatest thing that had ever happened to him, but then everything went to hell and he lost his best friend because of it. And that was something they hadn’t even spoken about. They had talked about everything that had happened during those three years apart except the reason they had missed them. It was like it didn’t exist … like crossing that line and how they felt never happened. She didn’t bring it up, so neither did he … but that was probably for the best.

After changing, Liam rushed down to the foyer, having received a message from Bastien that the Aldridge clan had arrived. When he reached the top of the stairs, his eyes immediately fell on Reyna, standing with her parents while they spoke to his father and Regina; she glanced up, smiling when she saw him.

Liam descended the stairs and everyone turned their attention upon hearing him. “Your Majesty,” Gideon grinned.

“None of that,” Liam chuckled, shaking his hand before greeting Catherine with a kiss on her cheek. He then turned to Reyna, meeting her outstretched arms. “Hey, you,” he whispered; he hugged her tightly, inhaling her scent before stepping back. “It’s good to see you all. How was the flight?”

“Long,” Catherine chuckled.

“It’s a tiresome journey,” Constantine said.

“Oh yeah. Flying by private jet,” Gideon playfully rolled his eyes. “How grueling.”

Constantine chuckled and looked at Liam. “I was just saying how nice it is to have Reyna here again.” He glanced back at her, watching Liam sling his arm around her shoulder with a grin. “It’s been so long.”

Reyna smiled. “It has.”

“I couldn’t believe it when Liam told me he ran into you in Paris,” Constantine grinned.

Gideon coughed to conceal his laugh. “Yeah … small world.” He cut his eyes over to Constantine. “So, where’s Leo?”

Constantine chuckled at his quick change of subject. “He’ll be meeting us for dinner.” He looked at his watch. “Which will be in an hour. You should all get settled beforehand.”

Staff members appeared, grabbed Gideon’s and Catherine’s luggage, and headed up the stairs to the guest wing. “Come on,” Liam said as he grabbed Reyna’s bag. “You’re in the south wing with me.”

Reyna nodded, dropping his gaze as they turned toward the stairs; that wing — his wing — held so much history. It was where everything between them started … and where it ended.

“We’ll see you at dinner,” Constantine called out as they reached the top of the stairs; Liam lifted his hand in a wave of acknowledgement before they disappeared down the corridor.

When they entered the south wing, Liam started down the hall toward her room. As Reyna passed by the living area, she paused, hit with the memory of the last time she stood in there.

“I love you so much, Rey … and I wish that were enough. But things … they are different here.”

“So that’s it? Everything that we had … is just done and over … just like that? Like none of it ever happened … like none of it fucking mattered at all?”

“You matter. We matter, Reyna. We always have. I … didn’t cross that line … with the intention of us finishing here …”

“Rey?” Liam called out. She stiffened, blinking away the tears before continuing down the hall. His brows furrowed. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Reyna smiled. “Just jet lagged.”

Liam stepped inside her room, setting her bag down; she flopped down on the bed a moment later, and he chuckled as he laid on his side next to her, propping his head on his hand as she yawned. “You have time to rest before dinner.”

Reyna glanced at him. She wasn’t quite ready to see everyone. “Do you think we could have dinner up here, just us? We can hang out … maybe watch a movie?”

“Sure,” Liam nodded, not thinking anything of it; he knew she was probably tired. “No one will mind. What are you in the mood for?”

They stared at one another, both their mouths curling into smiles as they tried to read the other. “Pizza,” they chuckled. “Jinx.”

“I’ll call for it and let my father know we won’t be joining them,” Liam smiled as he rose from the bed.

*******

That night, after consuming two pizzas while watching some rom-com Reyna put on, Liam lay wide awake in bed. Not only was Reyna’s presence there keeping him awake, but the way she seemed off was as well. It could have been as simple as the jet lag like she said, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something else.

Once they decided to remain in the south wing for dinner, Reyna seemed fine; she was fine while they ate and watched their movie, talking and laughing with him the entire time. Then Leo called, asking if they wanted to meet up for drinks because he hadn’t seen her yet. Reyna’s demeanor shifted; she said she was tired and was going to go to bed.

Liam rolled to his side, letting out a breath. He wondered if just being there was hard for her … and if it was hard, was it because maybe … maybe she still felt — No. He scolded himself as he closed his eyes, pushing the thought far out of his mind.

*******

The following afternoon, with the palace abuzz with final preparations for that evening’s ball, Liam and Reyna strolled through the gardens.

Liam’s eyes slid to Reyna; she’d still been acting off. Any time he asked if she was ok, she said she was fine, but he wasn’t buying it. She opted for one of his omelets that morning instead of joining their families for breakfast and seemed to get lost in thought a few times while they walked through the palace afterward. It only made him question the thought he had last night that he was trying but failing to ignore.

When they came to the hedges at the entrance of the garden maze, Liam turned to her with an impish grin. “It’s been a while … how well do you think you remember?”

Reyna laughed knowingly. “I could find my way blindfolded.”

“Bold words,” Liam quipped.

“I’ll even give you a head start so I can’t follow, and I bet I still beat your royal ass to the center.”

Liam’s brow arched at her challenge. “You must love losing.” He turned and ran into the pathway.

Reyna laughed as she started after him, but then the memory of the last time she stood in that spot between the hedges made her freeze in place.

“I wish I could go back and change it, Liam … I wish I could take it all back, that entire summer. I regret all of it.”

“Don’t say that, Rey … you don’t mean that.”

“I do. Because at least if it never happened … you and I would still be friends. The exact fear that had kept us from crossing that line all these years … has now become a reality, Liam. A decade worth of friendship … it’s been ruined. And for what? Because in the end … none of it was worth it. It broke our friendship, and I can’t speak for you … but it broke me. And there’s no coming back from it … nothing between us will ever be the way that it was before we crossed that line.”

“I don’t hear you!” Liam’s voice singsonged in the distance. “Are you lost already?”

Pulled from the memory, Reyna shook her head and let out a shuddered breath before she started after him.

****

That evening, Leo’s birthday ball was well underway. Liam stared at Reyna from where he waited at the bar for a refill while she caught up with Maxwell and Olivia. Despite appearing to have a good time to everyone else, he knew her and could tell she was putting on a bit of a front. Something was bothering her, and he was pretty certain at that point that he was right in thinking that being there was hard for her. He’d finally pieced it together once he realized the significance of each place where she seemed to get lost in thought, including that ballroom; when they entered, she momentarily froze as if hit by a painful wave of nostalgia.

What Liam couldn’t figure out is what it meant, if anything at all.

While speaking to a group of friends across the ballroom, Leo spotted Reyna as she stepped away from Maxwell and Olivia and headed for the balcony. He excused himself from the group and started making his way toward her.

Like his brother, Leo was good at reading people, and it was obvious to him that Reyna had been avoiding him since her arrival. She’d skipped out on dinner the night before, declined to have drinks, skipped breakfast that morning, and had yet to even say hello to him that night. She was alone on the balcony now, however, and there was a long overdue conversation they needed to have.

Leo knew that his actions three years ago catalyzed Liam and Reyna’s downfall. What he did was the reason things between them had ended because Liam was suddenly faced with the duty and responsibility of the crown and all of the bullshit that went along with it. He’d heard over time from both his father and Liam about how Reyna was affected by everything that transpired after.

When Leo heard from Liam that the Aldridges were coming for his birthday celebration, he told himself then that he would talk to Reyna. It might be three years too late and there was a good chance she’d never forgive him, but he needed to at least try to give her the apology he had long since owed her. She may be his brother’s best friend, but Reyna was his friend, too; he also shared over a decade worth of memories with her, and she became the sister he never had.

Reyna stood on the balcony, letting the cool night air wash over her. As good as it had been to see some familiar faces that night, that was the last place she wanted to be. The moment she stepped inside the ballroom on Liam’s arm, the night of his coronation and watching him choose someone else flashed in her mind. She’d wanted to leave ever since. It was ridiculous, she knew, to allow the past to affect her this way, but it was as if her mind and heart were screaming for closure she wasn’t sure she’d ever truly get, not when it came to Liam anyway.

That trip only continued to remind Reyna of how unfinished they felt and probably always would, at least to her.

When Leo stepped outside, Reyna turned upon hearing him; he watched her shoulders slightly stiffen, but she smiled. “Hey, stranger.”

“Hi,” Reyna replied. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” Leo smiled as he came next to her.

“I was going to come find you later … once everyone stopped crowding around you,” Reyna lied.

“No worries,” Leo nodded, then looked at her. “How’s it feel to be back?”

Reyna glanced away from him. “It’s been fine.”

Leo sighed. “Listen, I, uh … I’m actually glad I caught you out here because there’s something I really need to say to you.” He let out a breath as she looked at him again. “I owe you one hell of an apology for everything that happened that summer you were here.”

Reyna was surprised he’d brought it up, but despite feeling the way she had been, she tried brushing it under the rug; she couldn’t bring herself to let him know it still bothered her. “That was three years ago,” she shook her head. “It’s in the past.”

“Is it?” Leo questioned, and she furrowed her brows. “Reyna, you’ve been avoiding me since you got here.” Guilt flashed across her face, and he shook his head. “I don’t blame you. We haven’t seen each other since that night, and I never gave you the apology you deserve. And I understand if you hate me because what I did back then was so fucked. I wish I could go back and change how I went about it, but I can’t. But I’m truly sorry for everything you had to go through and deal with because of what I did.”

Reyna stared up at him, and just like that, her resentment was snuffed out; his acknowledgment and genuine apology turned out to be exactly what she didn’t know she needed. Then, guilt of her own hit her. “I’m sorry, too … for avoiding you and not just talking about it. To be honest … I didn’t even know it bothered me until I was packing and it just … hit me that I was going to see you for the first time. Then all of these … feelings followed … and I didn’t really know how to go about dealing with them.”

“I get it,” Leo nodded. “I … I wasn’t thinking back then … at least not about anyone but myself. When I came back, Liam … boy did he let me have it.” He rubbed his jaw, remembering the crack of his brother’s fist across it that day. “He was so angry with me … and so broken. And then I heard from my father about how you had been … and I felt so guilty knowing I was the reason you both were hurting so much.”

Reyna let out a breath. “For what it’s worth … it wasn’t only your doing. I know I was to blame, too, for how certain things played out.”

Leo knitted his brows. “How are you to blame?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Reyna shook her head. “It really is in the past now,” she subtly smiled. “And if Liam can forgive you, I certainly can.”

“It wasn’t easy,” Leo scoffed. “It took him nearly a year to be close to normal with me again,” he chuckled. “But thank you … for your forgiveness. Honestly, it’s the best birthday present I could have asked for.” He held his arms out in an offer, and she smiled as she stepped forward and he pulled her into a hug. “By the way—” He squeezed her tightly before he stepped back “—It’s fucking good to have you back. Liam moped around this goddamn place for the last three years like you were his puppy someone dognapped.” Reyna snorted, but then her eyes slightly widened, darting from him to over his shoulder. Leo stiffened. “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?”

“Sure the fuck am,” Liam snapped. “Mind if I steal my puppy for a moment?”

Leo grimaced guiltily as Reyna laughed. “That’s my cue.” He gave her one last hug. “Thank you again,” he whispered before kissing her cheek. He turned, chuckling as he dodged out of the way of Liam’s fist aiming for his arm before disappearing inside.

Reyna met Liam’s gaze when he turned to her; she wondered about how much, if any, of that conversation he’d heard. He smiled at her, slipping his hands into his pockets. “How does continuing our age-old tradition of sneaking out sound?”

Reyna grinned. “Heavenly.”

“Not as heavenly as the burger, fries, and milkshakes I have waiting for us up in my wing,” Liam winked as he held out his hand. Reyna laughed as she took it, and he led her off the balcony.

****

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

Reyna giggled as she stared down at Liam; his head was in her lap with a white bowed microfiber headband keeping his hair back from the facial mask she had painted on him. “Open,” she chuckled.

Liam complied, parting his lips to be fed a French fry. When she pulled the cucumber peels off his eyes, he fluttered them open, staring up at her with a deadpan expression as he chewed, which only made her laugh harder.

“Your face is gonna be so purrty,” Reyna snorted.

“I’m already purrty,” Liam scoffed, finally cracking a smile when she laughed again.

They’d come to the south wing and consumed their burgers, milkshakes, and most of their fries before she talked him into letting her give him a facial. He waited, wondering if she’d bring up the conversation she had with Leo … one he’d partially overheard. He couldn’t take it anymore, though; there was a question burning inside him about something she said that he needed an answer to.

“So … I, uh … I heard you talking to Leo on the balcony,” Liam said tentatively.

The smile faltered from Reyna’s lips. “How much did you hear?”

“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I was coming to get you to make our getaway … and I heard him apologizing.”

“Yeah,” Reyna nodded.

Liam continued to stare at her. “I think it’s good that he did … and I know he appreciates you forgiving him. You didn’t hear it from me, but he was a little nervous about you coming,” he smiled ruefully.

Reyna chuckled. “Lil’ old me?”

“Please,” Liam snorted. “I’ve seen you mad. You may be small, but you’re scrappy when you want to be.”

“It’s part of my New York charm,” Reyna quipped.

“Well … I’m glad to know things between you two are back to normal, but …” Liam hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Can I ask you something?” He held her gaze as she nodded. “Why do you blame yourself?”

Reyna took in a deep breath and slowly let it out; she knew it was coming the moment he’d mentioned he overheard. Her fingers brushed against his temples as she adjusted the headband in order to distract herself long enough to come up with something plausible, but the truth came out before she could. “I wasn’t there,” she said in a cracked whisper. “Your dad gave you … gave us … a way, and when you came for me, I wasn’t there. Because I wasn’t coping like a normal person. I had hit rock bottom … and I wasn’t there.”

“Rey …” Liam sat up and turned to face her. “It’s not on you.” He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he stared at her misty eyes. “Ok, well … you admitted that you blame yourself, so I suppose I should admit …” That I’m still so in love with you and never stopped. “So do I. It remains the biggest regret of my life … and I’m certain it always will be.”

Reyna’s brows knit. “What does?”

“That I didn’t fight harder … for you to stay … for us … to find you when I came to New York. I should have fought harder.”

“Liam …” Reyna shook her head. “It’s not your fault.”

“And it’s not yours,” Liam retorted. “It was … it was circumstance, Rey. Do I wish things had been different? Yes, more than anything …” A flash of something flickered in her gaze. Hope? He shook the thought; it wasn’t that. He cleared his throat, needing to mask his mistake. “Because, at the least, we wouldn’t have lost those three years. But taking the blame … that isn’t going to change any of it.” She nodded, knowing he was right. “So how about no more blaming ourselves? Deal?”

Reyna smiled. “Deal.”

“So … is that all that’s been on your mind?”

The way in which he asked Reyna told her he already knew the answer. She should have seen it coming based on the way he kept catching her lost in her musings and asking if she was ok each time. It didn’t matter that they had those three years apart; he still knew her better than anyone, even better than she knew herself most of the time.

“I just …” Reyna shifted her gaze from his, letting out a breath mixed with a wry laugh. “It’s my first time back since …” She trailed off, not needing or wanting to say it. “And I just keep remembering things …”

Liam nodded in genuine understanding. “I get it … I live here, so I really get it.” He had three years to get used to the memories constantly invading him. No matter where he went inside his own home, remnants of their relationship lingered everywhere, good and bad. “But maybe now that you’ve had this first visit and things are better … it’ll be easier next time … if there is a next time.”

Reyna smiled at him. “There’ll be a next time.”

“Good,” Liam smiled in return.

It wasn’t the whole conversation, but the past was somewhat acknowledged, so it would be enough. At the least, they knew that it wasn’t simply forgotten by the other.

As they stared at one another, however, those lingering confessions were on the tips of their tongues, that their past was still very much their present and they both felt the same way now as they did back then.

Neither was willing to put their friendship at risk again, however … so they swallowed the words.

After a moment, with him still staring at her with such genuine affection, Reyna’s head tilted to the side as her smile grew and a chuckle escaped her.

“What’s so funny?” Liam asked.

“I’m having a hard time taking you seriously right now,” Reyna giggled.

Liam’s brows furrowed, but then he watched her gaze flicker up to the bowed microfiber headband he’d forgotten he was wearing; he rolled his eyes with a good-natured grin as she laughed. “Get this shit off my face,” he chuckled as he turned, laying back and resting his head in her lap again.

“You love it,” Reyna smiled down at him. “Ok, but wait …” She grabbed her phone and twisted her upper body, bringing her face down next to his; holding her phone above them, she snapped a photo. “Ok,” she chuckled as she sat up. She took two facial pads, gently wiping his face clean. “There.”

Liam opened his eyes to meet her gaze, and he stared up at her. She started to lean down, and for a moment his heart shot to his throat in anticipation, but then she rested her forehead against his.

“Thank you,” Reyna whispered.

“For what?”

“Knowing me … and knowing I needed to get away and talk.”

Lifting his arm, Liam rested his hand on the back of her neck. “You don’t need to thank me for that.”

***************************************

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