#frisbee and the freaks

[toxic-sugar-piie]

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY DANIEL LAMB!1!

[toxic-sugar-stuff]

^_____^ sket4es

[destielgaysex]

crying myself to sleep after a rough saturday -> spend all of sunday writhing in bed with severe destiel fever and no it isnt curable and even if it was no it isnt

[heytherecentaurs]

I think Izzy on Adventuring Academy is correct that “chaotic” is an adjective disproportionately attributed to women players. Aside from Ally Beardsley, but that’s a whole other discussion regarding queerness and women in nerdy gaming spaces.

That being said here are some examples of men who are chaotic players:

Lou Wilson - Besides the Fabian almost dying example mentioned in the Adventuring Academy episode, we have Pinocchio’s whole hotdog bit, the pole dancing on his own nose, and his entire presence in the first episode. (“I’m the prince of Shoeberg, motherfucker”) Then there’s Squak who loves starting chaotic shit. Even Gunnie has to get in on the chaos.

Caldwell Tanner - If you’re not listening to Naddpod you’re missing out. He is incredibly chaotic. The shenanigans Beverly gets into is peak chaos. (Also Emily Axford is there to egg him on.). Early examples include a bullywug mating call and goofing a god. Even as a DM he’s chaotic. Look at Trinyvale, which is designed through pure chaos. (He, as video game character Gex, said the immortal words “I’m young, hung and full of tongue” which will live etched into my soul forever.) The world isn’t flat, it’s a cube!! Then there’s Hungry Dave in Hot Boy Summer who flings Frisbees and eats a spell. (Zac, Murph and Jake are also very chaotic in this too.)

Freddie Wong - D20 fans know him from Mentopolis in which he killed a police captain and has super hard testicles. But if you listen to Dungeons and Daddies you know he’s pure chaos. He takes huge cartoony swings and they are usually chaotic. Truly one of the most uncontrollable players out there. I’m more shocked when Freddie makes a grounded decision than a chaotic one.

Brian Murphy - I know what you’re thinking. “But but but he’s the rules guy. He’s a plot hound.” True but he’s also very chaotic. He makes the choice to eat the dragon that ate his dad. (Delicious in Dungeon style) Also Barry 6 has unhinged chaos moments equal to anything Emily does. What about Cody Walsh? Everything he does. He sold his soul in .25 seconds and smashed his face with a brick. Then there’s Jens Lyndelle, quite possibly the most wretched and chaotic piece of shit ever invented. Murph is sneaky chaotic. Yes he loves being a plot hound but so does Emily. The story and the game mechanics are vehicles for both of them to behave chaotically.

In a lot of these examples these guys are playing with Emily Axford and bringing a very similar energy. Yet she’s the one labelled chaotic. Lou is the more chaotic of the duo in ACOFAF. Caldwell and Murph match her freak on Naddpod. So, I do think there’s a disparity here and it does seem sexist. When Ally started playing they were a more female-presenting queer person. Or as they’ve phrased it, they “come from lesbianism”. So, I think you can certainly view it as a sexist label that stuck. But also let’s not overlook how queerness is viewed through the patriarchy as a feminine trait. Like misogyny and homophobia are spidermen pointing at each other. So it comes as no surprise the very openly queer person whom we watched transition on D20 is also labelled chaotic.

[hurtspideyparker]

Part 3 of if Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together

Part 1 Part 2

-

Mission debrief:

Thor: Don't feel bad Banner, I mean is there anyone at this table who hasn't killed somebody?

Peter: *slowly raises hand*

Natasha: Don't worry you're still young

Peter: 😟

-

Steve: Has anyone seen my shield?

Clint: *points outside*

*Peter, Thor, and Bucky playing frisbee with it*

Steve: I guess I'm not saving those orphans today :/

-

Clint: Tony I said seedless watermelon, are you trying to kill me?

Tony: You're a big boy, you aren't gonna choke

Clint: No but it might... grow

Tony: Oh please don't tell me you still think watermelon seeds grow inside your stomach if you swallow them

Clint:

Pietro: Bro got a licence to kill but still has a Jack and the Beanstock level of education

-

2:34 am

Tony: *leaving Steve's bedroom*

Sam: *leaving Bucky's bedroom*

Tony:

Sam:

Tony: Let's never speak of this?

Sam: Yep.

-

Steve: Tony, you're the smartest person I know. You understand anything you set out to study, your passion is remarkable, innovation beyond anyone on the planet, and an incredible memory

Tony: Thank you thank you

Steve: So why do you STILL NOT CLOSE THE KITCHEN CABINETS

Tony: Uh

Steve: SOME OF US ARE TALL TONY. SOME OF US HAVE BRUISES ON THEIR FOREHEADS BECAUSE OF THIS NEGLIGENCE

-

Tony: Goodnight kid *tucks Peter into bed and kisses his forehead*

*Clint, Vision, Thor, and Dum-E waiting outside the room*

Tony: Oh come on. All of you?

*nodding*

Tony: Vision you don't even sleep. Dum-E I am not kissing you again you gave me chemical burns last time

Dum-E: *lowers head and whirs sadly*

-

Bucky: Don't sit so close to me

Sam: Why, cause I'm black 🤨

Bucky: No because you smell like ass sweat

Sam:

Sam: Why, cause I'm bl-

-

During training:

Natasha: *flips Steve and slams him onto his back*

Peter: Woah! I wanna know how to do that

Natasha: *flips Peter and slams him onto his back*

Natasha: Seems like you already know how

-

Tony: Okay Merida, you and me, darts for a hundred bucks. My suit vs. your freak self

Clint: I'll take that bet

*7 minutes later*

Tony: I have advanced AI targetting technology. SUPER. SUIT. How did I lose?!

Clint: It can do a lot of things Tony but at the end of the day it can't super suck this di-

-

Bucky: Sam's in medical so I'll do the mission debrief with you

Natasha: That was fast, I thought you'd still be coddling your boyfriend the rest of the day

Bucky: What. How do you know about us.

Natasha: I don't, it was a joke...

Bucky:

Natasha:

Bucky: Damn you really are good at interrogation

-

Bruce: I've taken up puzzles as a hobby. It's actually really relaxing

*Box is missing the last piece*

Bruce: *sighs, erases the 61 under the 'Days Without Hulk Incident' sign*

-

Natasha: Kings

Bucky: Go fish. Sevens?

Natasha: Nada. Fives?

Bucky: Shit. Here

Sam: I thought y'all were playing poker, are you for real playing Go Fish?

Natasha: Our pockets got cleaned out so we quit. The poker game is over by Steve

Peter: HAHA SUCK IT OLD MAN, AMERICA JUST WENT BANKRUPT *pulls giant pile of animal crackers to himself*

-

Steve: Do you want to play catch?

Wanda: What?

Steve: Um. Do you want to watch Hannah Montana?

Wanda: I don't even know what you're talking about

Steve: Maybe I could show you how to brush your teeth?

Wanda: Steve you're really scaring me

Steve: The article said to do it together! *shows phone*

Wanda: Are you getting parenting advice from wikihow? Did you even read it or were you just skimming the pictures

Steve: ...Well why'd they put toothbrushing in the photo if it wasn't a good bonding activity?

-

Sam: Why are your titties so bouncy man. Is it to deflect bullets?

Steve: What did you just say about my chest...

Sam: Hey I call em as I see em, and they're staring right at me.

-

Peter: Yo Mr. Stark wanna see a backflip?

Peter: Oh Cap come see my front handsprings

Peter: Natasha watch this aerial cartwheel!

Tony: Why did you tell him you were in the circus. Now that the idea's in his head all he does is jump around and cause noise complaints from downstairs

Clint: C'mon it's cute! He's talented

Bucky: I'm gonna tell him it doesn't count because he has superpowers and that he's a cheat

Tony: But that'll ruin his confidence

Bucky: God I hope so

[traveler-at-heart]

Stuck Together - Part 6

Summary: After Westview, Wanda and her children go into hiding. She's not happy with the person in charge of protecting them.

Wanda Maximoff x F! Super Soldier R

A/N: This is a short chapter! There will be another one and that will be it for this series :) Ty all for reading!

A cold hand squeezes your neck, and you know that a normal person would be dead by now.

It isn’t human, that’s very much obvious. Looks like Vision, but you remember him differently. Definitely not all white, with those unsettling blue, void eyes.

“I have to kill you”

“Hey, man, we can work it out. Is it because I kissed Wanda?” you try to joke, holding on to his metal arm, hoping there’s a way he can let you go. The lack of oxygen is blurring your vision, but you have to do something.

You have to protect the kids.

“Wanda. Where is she?” he says in that monotone voice that you always hated.

“Not gonna tell you, you freak” you say. “Kids, run back…”

But he’s squeezing your throat, probably trying to make you speak.

Good luck with that, fucking toaster.

A second later, you drop to the floor, gasping for air. As you look up, there are red threads of magic around the synthezoid.

Wanda.

“You ok, detka?” she says, looking at you.

“Yeah, I guess he got a little too jealous, huh?”

“That’s not Vision” she says, looking away. “Take the kids, get out of here”

“No, you get out of here” you say, standing up. You notice the robot is struggling to break free, Wanda’s hand trembling with the effort of keeping him still.

“I’m the only one that can stop him. And I created this mess”

You recognise the guilt in her voice, the burden of thinking every wrong thing that happens must be some kind of punishment.

But that’s bullshit.

Wanda’s not alone, and you won’t leave her.

“Please leave” she repeats, and you know she read your mind. You shake your head no.

“I’ll buy you some time. Take the car and the kids. Drive as fast as you can. I’ll stop him”

“Ok” she finally nods. She twists her hands, throwing the robot as far as she can. Before she runs, though, she turns to kiss you, holding on to you like it’s the only thing keeping her sane.

“I…”

“I know” you smile, pecking her lips. “See you soon, love”

The kids reach for their mother, and you whistle at Riley.

“Go, fetch!”

Your dog runs back to the shed where you keep all your weapons, and you hope training actually paid off.

As for you, you brace yourself for the return of the robot, who seems to be flying back at full speed. You try to remember the few times that you trained with Vision, kicking yourself over being so dismissive of him.

Truth be told, he never really engaged in hand to hand combat.

So, maybe that’s it. Keeping him close will make it harder for him to fight.

Or easier to get yourself killed.

Well, you’re about to find out.

This time, you are prepared for the hand that reaches for your throat, and you punch it away. He’s faster than you remember, and even if you keep him busy, there are a couple of blows that land, and you feel the air leave your lungs, ribs cracking.

“Riley, hurry up, please” you mutter, grabbing the robot by the cape to hold him back.

In that precise moment, you hear a bark, and turn to find your dog excitedly dragging your old shield. All those frisbee jokes paid off in the end.

“Good girl, I owe you a treat. Now out of here”

Sliding down the pier, you grab the shield, turning around just in time to block one of Vision’s attack. It comes back to you like second nature, throwing and catching the shield while you defend and attack.

He begins to anticipate your movements, and at one point blocks one of your punches, sending the shield flying back.

“Fuck, that hurts”

It’s also been a while since you’ve felt your nose breaking. Last time was probably during training with Steve. That was an accident, but it’s very clear that Vision wants you out of sight.

Cold hands reach for you, throwing you against a tree that snaps in half. Before you can stand up to jump and dodge his next hit, an arrow flies past your head, exploding right in his face.

“Bet you’re happy to see me”

Barton.

“You know what? Hell, yeah” you say, catching the shield when he throws it back to you.

“I got someone on the line for you” he says, throwing you a com as well. You place it in your ear, testing it.

“Y/N?” Maria says, and you adjust the shield in your arm while Clint keeps shooting arrows at Vision.

“Hill”

“Hayward sent Vision. Or not Vision. Whatever he is”

“See? I told you to let me kill him”

“We’re trying to hack into its system, but it might take a while. Can you distract him?” Maria says, and you hear her typing at full speed.

“Fine. Hurry. He’s here to kill us, and he ain’t messing around”

Your point is proven a second later, when he throws a boat your way. Clint manages to shoot an arrow straight to his shoulder, an electrical current going through its system.

Vision falls to the floor, weakened, and you take advantage to throw yourself at him. You fight, Clint unable to shoot an arrow as you’re too close to the robot to have a clean view.

Vision takes advantage of this, using you as a shield when Barton decides to shoot, the arrow going straight through your abdomen.

“Shit, Y/N!” Barton says, hurrying to your side. Vision blocks his path, but you can’t be too concerned with that, not when there’s a freakin arrow coming out of your stomach.

With a grunt, you pull it out, feeling the wound heal as you stand up. Your face is full of bruises, a testament of the synthezoid’s strenght. You bounce your shield against his head, attracting attention back to you so Clint can take some distance and shoot from another spot. Unlike you, he won’t survive hand combat against Vision.

“Clint, I’m running out of ideas” you shout, still fighting.

“And I’m running out of arrows”

Great.

You have so many wounds, cuts and broken bones that it takes longer to heal, and Vision looks fine. He doesn’t have a body, so he is not tired, not even out of breath.

“Maria, status”

But you don’t get to hear her answer, Vision covering his ears and grunting. It seems like she’s finally breaking into his systems.

Or making him more lethal, as he grabs you by the collar of your shirt, flying you to the middle of a mountain. You land in a cloud of dust, face inches away from a cliff.

“Did it work?” Maria asks.

“Nope”

She curses, but you’re starting to realise his system is too advanced to hack into. As you look at the rocks above your head, an idea forms.

“Barton, can you shoot at a spot above me? Anything that causes an explosion”

“Not from here”

“Then find a spot and wait for my signal”

“Are you sure?” he says, folding his bow. He already knows what the plan is.

“No, but we don’t have many choices, do we?”

He sighs, knowing that the plan might work, but you won’t survive it. Though you have been through worse sometimes.

“You don’t have to kill them, you know? They’re kinda your family” you try to distract the robot.

“I don’t have a family. Only a mission”

“Your loss, they are pretty damn cool kids”

Finally, you trap one of his arms with your shield, getting suck in a pile of rocks. You try to make time, waiting for Clint’s confirmation.

“I’m in position”

“Shoot above my head”

“You’ll get trapped too”

“I’ll manage” you grunt, trying to keep Vision from flying. He can escape, but only if you let him. “Barton, I don’t have time! You owe me, for Natasha. So just do as I say”

You don’t wait to hear his answer, panicking when you notice Vision is freeing himself. You jump on his back, locking his head in a tight position. He pushes you both to the edge, and you bring him back to the other side, waiting for the explosion.

That’s when you realise how strong he is. He crushes your arm, but you hold on through the pain, even when tries to twist one of your knees.

Finally, you hear an arrow flying close to your head, and the explosion shakes the mountain a second later. Boulders begin to roll, but you don’t move. One hand is above your head, holding your shield and hoping it’s enough to protect you.

Rocks bury the lower half of Vision’s body, but you can’t let go just yet. It isn’t until you see a giant rock rolling your way that you free him, stumbling backwards.

Something hits your head, blood spiling down your forehead as you jump into the river, hoping the fall won’t kill you.

But you pass out before reaching the water.

—

There are bright lights. A constant, beeping sound. Something in your arm.

Not again.

Your mind begins to race, haunted by the memory of years of torture and betrayal, done by your own government.

But then, there’s quiet. You feel a warm touch in your forehead, the softness making your body relax.

“It’s ok, detka. You’re safe”

Wanda.

You open your eyes, looking around the hospital room.

“Hey, witchy”

“I hate it when you call me that”

“I know” you say with a smile. “But could I possibly get a pass? Seeing as I’m in recovery”

“Sure you can, sweetheart” she says, hand in your forehead.

The way she gives in so easily has you worried. There’s something wrong.

“How are the kids? What happened after?”

“They’re fine. Staying with Clint. I just wanted to make sure you recovered before…”

“Before?”

“Before leaving. It’s for the best”

“Wanda” you try to straighten in the bed, grimacing. “Come on, don’t do this”

“You got hurt because of me. It just… this follows me everywhere I go. Death and chaos. I can’t put your life on the line, I’d never forgive myself”

“Wanda, please” you ignore the pain in your side, stretching your hand, searching for hers.

But she moves further away.

“I’ll be ok. And you’ll be better off without me”

“Wanda” you ask once again, but your eyelids feel heavy. You try to stay awake, even as your body is shutting down, and pretty soon you’re fast asleep again.

You know it’s her doing. She’s keeping you from asking her to stay.

Because she knows she’s not strong enough to say no to you.

[revelboo]

ok i know im a little late for valentines day but this made me think of rodimus and wanted to share with the class

Yeah, that’s pretty much Roddy…

18+ mass displaced mech

Attractive Today Scenario

Rodimus x Reader

• Oh. He's in a mood. Hadn't even really known hot metal had a smell, but you can smell his plating heating as he stares at the datapad in his hands. Can't understand the alien glyphs on the screen, but you see the screen glitch and start to warp. Beginning to melt before he's slinging it like a frisbee to shatter against the wall, dropping his head into his hands as a corona of flame kindles along his servos. Have seen enough of his tantrums to know that whatever that was, it was likely from Ultra Magnus or Megatron and it's pissed him off. "Everything okay?" You ask and he flinches guiltily like he'd forgotten you were on his desk, before shoving back so suddenly he knocks his chair over and nearly goes down with it in his haste to put some space between the two of you.

• Servos trembling, he backs away until he hits the wall and slides down to sit in the floor. Trying to get himself under control, because his temper and his outlier ability is more than just an inconvenience right now. To you, it's deadly. Venting raggedly, he draws his knees up to his body. "Talk to me. Just... I need something to focus on," he manages. Something to distract him from the anger until he gets himself back together. "Please." Primus, don't let him lose it and torch the whole habsuite. Not with you here. Please, anything but that. And now anxiety is twisting through him to mingle with the anger, fueling the chaos in him.

• Moving to the edge of the desk, you sit with your legs dangling. Inhaling shakily, because if both of you start panicking, it's over. "Hey, look at me. Roddy, you're not going to hurt me." Those blue optics are frightened, flames dancing along his plating, his helm. The temperature in the habsuite climbing as you start to sweat. "You never hurt me." Need to distract him. Get him fully focused on you, not his emotions. "Remember? Our first time? You were so freaked out that you were going to lose control." Those optics are locked with your eyes. His plating had been so warm under you when you'd taken the lead. "I kissed you, remember?"

• Shuddering, he focuses on the sound of your voice coaxing him. You'd calmed him that time, too. "Was afraid I'd hurt you," he manages. Had been too needy and that could be as dangerous as anger. You'd been straddling him when you'd caught one of his hands and laid it against your side, encouraging him to touch you. Remembers the feel of your soft hands cupping his face. Mouth warm against his. Fingers ghosting over his frame, tracing the patterns of his plating. "You told me I wouldn't break you." You'd been smiling down at him, planting those little hands on his chassis as you'd shifted on top of him. Rocking yourself against his spike before you'd taken him deep.

• "You didn't, did you?" Those flames are dying down, his plating no longer almost glowing. Calming. Coming back from that edge for you. "Remember, we stayed tangled together all night long. Talking." Face heating at the memory of him buried inside you, hips rocking as his mouth brushed your jaw. Whispering to each other, between rounds of lovemaking. Sharing stories and getting to know each other. "Why don't you come over here?" He's always so sure, always the one smiling and joking and untouched by everything else. Unable to be serious. That's the Rodimus he tries to maintain and show the world, but this Roddy is the one you know. Love. The one that's struggling and in over his head, desperately treading water just needing someone to reach out to him.

[godricgryffinsnore]

If you’re taking requests can I have a Harry Potter x reader with a pregnancy scare during hogwarts pls? And reader proper freaking out cause they’re so young and not ready so Harry is soft and calming and soothing and turns out not preggo but they both think one day

The Bump That Wasn’t ♡ : A Harry Potter Fan Fiction.

pairing : Harry Potter x fem!reader

summary : When an unexpected situation sends tension rippling through Hogwarts and later the Burrow, Harry and the reader navigate the chaos with love, patience, and a dash of humor. With their friends awkwardly supportive and family more involved than expected, the couple learns that even the scariest moments can lead to the sweetest promises.

warnings : Mild suggestive content, Pregnancy scare (may be triggering for some), Light panic/anxiety themes, Flustered characters and secondhand embarrassment, Over-involved family members (humorous), Lots of emotional fluff and teasing. Please let me know if I missed any.

author's note : English is not my first language, so please forgive me for any grammatical errors or spelling errors. Re-blogging is completely fine with me, but please don't copy my work. I love you all. Enjoy <3.

della's note : Thank you so so so much for requesting, babe!!!

word count : 1.1k

main master list

banners : @ithemes and @cafekitsune

Setting: Seventh Year, Gryffindor Tower, post-battle era but Hogwarts is rebuilt.

You sat perched on the edge of the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory bathtub, clutching a potion bottle like it was a bomb.

“I’ve ruined my life,” you whispered.

“No, love, you haven’t.” Harry crouched beside you, his green eyes soft but mildly terrified.

“Oh yeah?” you hissed, “You say that now, but wait till McGonagall finds out I might be growing a baby in her castle!”

Harry held up both hands like you were a frightened unicorn. “Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. We don’t know anything yet. Maybe you’re just late—stress, hormones, you know, school, war trauma—remember? We died last year, literally.”

“I didn’t die, Harry.”

“Well, I did, so I win. Now please, sweetheart, drink the potion.”

You stared at the bottle. “What if it turns blue?”

He gently tucked your hair behind your ear. “Then we handle it. Together. Like we always do. I love you.”

“Don’t say sweet things to me right now, I might cry and vomit.”

“Valid.”

── .✦

Two Hours Earlier:

Ron dropped his toast as you sprinted out of the Great Hall, face pale as Nearly Headless Nick’s knees.

“I… I think she’s going to hurl,” he said, alarmed. “Did someone feed her a Fanged Frisbee?”

Harry went after you. Hermione leaned in. “She’s late, Ronald.”

Ron blinked. “Late for what? Oh. OH.”

“Don’t look like you’re about to pass out—you’re not the maybe-father!”

── .✦

Back in the dorm bathroom, you finally drank the damn potion with your eyes squeezed shut.

“…It’s pink,” you breathed, peeking one eye open.

“Pink! That’s good, right?” Harry said, practically hugging the toilet in relief.

“Yes, pink means not pregnant,” you sighed, falling against the wall, limbs limp with dramatic despair. “Thank Merlin.”

He sat beside you, hands laced with yours. “Well. That was… terrifying.”

“Do you think this is karma for all that snogging in the Room of Requirement?”

“No, that was good karma.”

“…Harry.”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “Look, we weren’t ready. You were right to freak out. But I meant it—I’d have done it with you. All of it. Nappies. Sleepless nights. The whole Weasley-nursery package.”

You turned your head toward him. “You’re serious?”

“Dead serious.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead, then mumbled against your skin, “One day, yeah? I’d like that. With you.”

You sighed, melting into his side. “You’re too sweet. I should marry you before someone else tries.”

“You better,” he said smugly.

── .✦

Later That Night:

The four of you were curled up in the common room. Ron was feeding you sweets like you’d run a marathon. Hermione was watching you like she was ready to knit baby clothes just in case.

“I googled—I mean, researched—baby potion side effects,” Hermione said.

“Yeah?” you asked warily.

“Turns out if you are pregnant, you sometimes taste chocolate like cabbage. You gagged earlier when Ron handed you that cauldron cake.”

“She always gags when I hand her food,” Ron said, wounded.

“You once offered me a Liquorice Wand dipped in ketchup.”

“That was an experiment.”

Harry kissed your cheek and whispered, “Still negative.”

You smiled tiredly, hands curled in his jumper. “Yeah. But someday, yeah?”

“Someday,” he whispered.

Ron, from the couch: “Oi, not too soon though! I’d like to graduate without becoming Uncle Ron the Diaper Master.”

Hermione smacked him.

Harry chuckled, pulling you close.

You whispered, “I think we’d make cute kids.”

“Obviously. You’re the hottest witch in the castle.”

“You’re so full of it.”

“I’m full of love. And panic. But mostly love.”

── .✦

Setting: A week later at The Burrow. Post-Hogwarts. You and Harry are visiting the Weasleys.

The scent of cinnamon and warm bread filled The Burrow as you sat politely at the table, sipping tea and pretending not to see the suspiciously tiny knitted jumper folded neatly beside the biscuits.

You nudged Harry with your foot under the table. He looked at you, then followed your eye line—and promptly choked on his tea.

Ron looked up from buttering his scone. “You alright, mate?”

Harry, wheezing: “M’fine. Died once. This is worse.”

“I knew something was off,” Hermione muttered. “Molly’s been humming lullabies and bought baby booties in Diagon Alley yesterday.”

You leaned forward, voice as casual as you could fake it: “Mrs. Weasley, what’s the jumper for?”

“Oh, this?” Molly beamed, patting the tiny blue thing with golden snitch embroidery. “Well, I heard—and I do apologize if I’m being forward, dear—but I heard you two might be expecting?”

You made a noise that was somewhere between a cough and a mouse being hexed.

Harry’s eyes were wide, hands frozen around his mug like it was a lifeline. “Who told you that?!”

Ron raised his hand slowly like a guilty schoolboy. “I may have mentioned you two were acting weird last week.”

Hermione groaned into her hands. “Ronald, you don’t mention things like that unless there’s an actual baby.”

“I didn’t say there was one! I just said they looked like they were either about to faint or propose!”

You turned to Molly, cheeks burning. “Mrs. Weasley, I swear we’re not pregnant.”

Molly’s smile didn’t fade. “Not yet, dear.”

Harry made another dying noise.

Ginny appeared from the living room with Fred and George’s enchanted baby toy (which farted glitter) and whispered, “You lot know Mum already picked out a nursery theme, right?”

“Murder me,” you muttered, sliding slowly down your chair.

── .✦

Later That Night:

You and Harry lay in the cramped attic room, limbs tangled and faces still crimson from the Dinner of Doom.

“She knitted a jumper, Harry.”

“She said she’d keep it ‘just in case.’”

“Just in case?!” you sat up, exasperated. “Are we cows now? ‘Just in case this one births something in spring, best knit early!’”

Harry tried to stifle a laugh, but you glared. He immediately sobered. “No, no, you’re right. Terrifying. Very traumatic. Please don’t hex me, little one.”

You flopped back down beside him. “…Do you think she’s disappointed?”

He rolled onto his side to face you, tracing your knuckles with his fingers. “Maybe. But she’ll be overjoyed when we are.”

You gave him a side-eye. “You sound very sure of yourself.”

“I mean, I’ve seen your baby pictures. Can you imagine a little version of you with my glasses? Or your eyes and my messy hair?”

“…I’m not crying. Shut up.”

Harry leaned in, kissed your tear-damp cheek. “Someday.”

“Someday,” you whispered, curling into his chest. “But first, please stop letting Ron talk.”

“Deal.”

── .✦

Meanwhile downstairs:

Molly placed the jumper back in the drawer with a soft smile.

Arthur peeked in. “No baby?”

“Not yet,” she said.

Arthur kissed her temple. “Should we tell the twins to stop making that baby toy that sings 'It’s a Boy!' every time someone sneezes?”

Molly grinned. “Let them keep it. I have a feeling we’ll need it soon enough."

[no1blacksapphirefan]

Hope things get better for you!! If it’s not too much to ask I was wondering how you’d imagine the cookies would react to reader obviously being sick but still logging into the game, like “idc that I’m sick and need rest I need to do these quests IMMEDIATELY”

Me when I got hit in the back of the head with a frisbee tho. I couldn't leave my fav cookies alone <33 Pure Vanilla probably so disappointed though.

Thought it would be funny/entertaining to have this w/ cookies who have the healing element hehe

Pure Vanilla He shakes his head disappointed, you're sneezing so much!! You must get some rest, and no you playing the game to make yourself feel better does not count. Sleep will you? Take some medicine and then, after a long nap. If you're feeling better, THEN you can play.

He wants to tell you this, perhaps you'd be too sick to realise he's talking to you directly. How he wishes his powers could go through the screen and make you feel better, alas he'll have to settle on scolding you while hoping you don't realise in your sick state

Mystic Flour She knows it'll be hard to convince you to rest, she sees it in your eyes. You're dead set on finishing quests and other various tasks. So, she'll just make sure the work you want to do, how do I put this. Isn't doable till you get better.

Your main quest aren't working? Why not put the phone down and it'll be better when you wake up! The timers you want to use? Looks like they're buggy, worry not. It'll be done in a few hours. Rest.up. The longer you stay online, the more likely you'll catch her glaring at you through the screen...oh that? It's just a...glitch...come now, log out and rest, that's what you need.

Herb Cookie As your friend...he begs for you to rest. He's willing to "break the 4th wall" if it means managing to convince you to take a nap, sleep for 8 hours. Anything, as much as he enjoys having you around, he much prefers you to be happy and healthy. He doesn't want to see his friend just, lay around sneezing and coughing but still continuing to play because "there's work to do"

You may not care but he does!! A lot, he's worried about you. If talking to you through the screen is what he has to do to be able to convince you to go to bed, then so be it. Maybe he can mask it off as him talking to his plants? He'll just name it after you and put jr in front of it, he prays it works.

Sparkling Cookie Tut tut, you really shouldn't bother with your quests when you're clearly not well enough for it, he's seen things like it before in his own bars and he had to stop some drunken cookies from doing something they were unfit to do like drive/walk home. So while the reason for you being unfit to do something is different, he isn't exactly a stranger to this kind of thing.

Similar to herb, he isn't scared to talk to you through the screen, gently advise you to go to bed. Even if this ends up freaking you out to the point you exit the game, he hopes you're taking the time to rest, perhaps chalking it up to simply being to sick and hearing things.

Rockstar Cookie He didn't quite catch it at first but when he does he sighs. Do you really love the game that much you're willing to place it in front of your own health? He shakes his head, while he finds the reason to be...endearing in a way, especially if one of the things you "had" to do was say hi to him, maybe update his build and then tap him thousands of times, he still wants you to rest.

He'll play a song, a lullaby even if you had to name it. Something to make you sleepy, something gentle. He knows it's working as your eyes seem to flutter close, you yawn (and cough/sneeze...) and your grip on your phone slowly looses it's strength until you are fast asleep. If it doesn't work he'll only sigh and see if he can get other cookies to help, if it does he smiles and wishes you a good night...let's hope your game doesn't drain your battery though

[donteverblameash]

The MCU movies, but I explain them vaguely, unhelpfully, and they read like clickbate YouTube videos.

Under the cut because there are so many of these freaking movies.

Captian America: The First Avenger: Art kid turns into theatre kid after taking steroids and throwing frisbee.

Captian Marvel: Nick Fury makes the first and last good decision in his career by adopting his alien daughter.

Iron Man: First billionaire in the universe deemed redeemable.

Iron Man 2: Tony Stark and the chamber of bad life decisions, ft. Pepper Potts and James Rhodes.

The Incredible Hulk: Not Mark Ruffalo almost dismantles government on anger alone.

Thor: Jock turns soft after eating poptarts and finding love. His brother dies, but don't worry, he'll be back.

The Avengers: Idiots come together to both save and destroy a city.

Thor: The Dark World: No one cares. Brother comes back, dies again, Jock cries. (Emo brother will return.)

Iron Man 3: Billionaire somehow redeems self further and learns the meaning of self. Drops awesome catchphrase to be used later.

Captian America: The Winter Solider: Theatre kid intrudes on innocent man's life with his favorite red-headed assassin to bring down brunette assassin who is actually his old boyfriend.

Guardians of the Galaxy: The original found family destroys foes with the power of friendship and good music taste.

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2: Asshole father is asshole father and tries to intrude on found family. Is defeated by the power of friendship and good music taste.

Avengers: Age of Ultron: Idiots come together to both save and destroy a country.

Ant-Man: Marvel finally learned what a good dad is and made said good dad the most relatable dude on earth, ft. ants.

Captian America: Civil War: Idiots solve nothing, meerly destroy themselves as they bare knuckle box in a Waffle House parking lot.

Black Widow: Doomed sisters and their mentally unstable parents destroy us with love and Don McLean.

Spider-Man: Homecoming: Young man's problems are just beginning, and I relate too much.

Black Panther: One of the first sensible heroes after Carol Danvers actually tries to fix things.

Doctor Strange: Yes, that is his real name. Defeats villians by annoying them. Absolute powerhouse.

Thor: Ragnarok: Jock, anger issues, emo brother, who is once again alive, and angry woman fight angrier woman due to rapid onset daddy issues.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Scott continues to be a good dad and saves the day with much cooler bug themed superhero.

Avengers: Infinity war: Idiots come together to both save and destroy the Earth.

Avengers: Endgame: Idiots come together, save the universe, and make us sob and question why we watch these movies at all. Billionaire uses catchphrase.

Spider-man: Far from home: Young man's suffering continues at the hands of man who's too grown for this shit.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings: Mean dad beats up son with bracelets.

Eternals: Makes for a good bedtime story.

Spider-Man: No Way Home: Young man is treated like shit by the entire city, and life is ruined, and no one can even care.

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness: The mulitverse... goes mad.

Thor: Love and Thunder: Awful things happen but no one can take it seriously because the dialogue sounds AI generated.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: Marvel gets bored of torturing Peter, so they torture Shuri instead.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania: I'm pretty sure there's a message here, but it's disrupted by dialogue that sounds AI generated.

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3: Found family power of friendships so hard they disband with good music taste still intact.

The Marvels: Kamala Y/NED so hard the actually BECAME an Avenger.

Captian America: Brave New World: Innocent man from before not so innocent anymore. Adopts a kid and punches the president.

Thunderbolts: New Found family on the block defeats personal demons and causes civil disputes.

[reformhim]

The woman's casual remark and the quick ruffle of his hair replayed in Daniel's mind all day. "You look like a good boy." It was so strange, so out of the blue. He couldn't shake the feeling of being… assessed.

That night, a dull ache started in his lower back, quickly intensifying into sharp stabs of pain. His groin throbbed with a strange, uncomfortable pressure, and a prickly, burning sensation spread across his ass, hips, and thighs. He doubled over, clutching his back, when a ripping sound tore through the fabric of his jeans. A thick, brown tail swished out, knocking against the wall with a soft thud. It wagged tentatively, as if testing its new existence.

Panic flared as coarse, brown hair erupted across his stomach, lower back, and ass - the thick fur spreading rapidly down his legs, covering them entirely to his toes. He watched in horror as his smooth skin vanished beneath a dense, warm coat. Then came the most bizarre change. The familiar shape below his belt shifted, elongated, and transformed into the unmistakable form of a canine penis, complete with a visible sheath, now positioned along his lower abdomen. Finally, his tongue grew thick and lolling, and a sudden, uncontrollable pant escaped his lips.

He was a monster, a freak. Fear choked him. He had to fix this, had to go back to normal.

But then, his boyfriend Ben walked into the room, his eyes widening in surprise, then softening with an unexpected tenderness. "Daniel? What… what happened?" He took a hesitant step closer. "Oh my god," he breathed, a smile spreading across his face. "You're… you're incredible." He embraced Daniel, stroking the thick fur on his lower back and tail. He stepped back to scratch Daniels stomach, "You're such good boy."

Daniel stared, dumbfounded. Ben loved it? He was begging Daniel to stay this way, showering him with affection and encouraging canine tendencies. It was a bizarre twist, but Ben's genuine delight was undeniable.

Life as a part-dog was an adjustment, to say the least. A particularly awkward discovery was made when he first needed to urinate, having to learn how to navigate getting on all fours. But Ben was patient, showering him with praise and gentle guidance.

Now, their evenings often found them at the local park. Ben would throw a frisbee, and Daniel, tail wagging furiously, would bound after it, a happy bark escaping his throat as he brought it back, dropping it at Ben's feet, eager for another throw. He was still Daniel, in a way, but a different Daniel. And surprisingly, with Ben by his side, maybe, just maybe, this wasn't so bad after all.

[toxic-sugar-piie]

Who created this kitten that never appeared in the game😭?

[toxic-sugar-stuff]

shitpost alert bcs i must to upload something funny here

and today I learned how to download brushes from the pirated version of cps lmao and i tested new brushes here

[raven-dor]

peter parker distracts you - drabble #1

this was birthed while i was actively in class daydreaming... enjoy!! - 💗 not quite dating, but definitely more than friends, outside and enjoying the sun, fluffy af word count: 451

Peter Parker had made it his mission to distract you.

In hindsight, he probably hadn't started doing this on purpose, which made it all the more horrible to you.

Your professor had kindly allowed your class to meet on the lawn instead of inside your dreary classroom. It hadn't taken much to convince him - it was a beautiful day outside, so why not enjoy it while it lasted?

He wasn't even trying to distract you at first.

His laughter (which beautifully echoed across the quad) drew your focus from the lesson, and you smiled as you watched him play frisbee with Harry.

It's like he had a sixth sense, the way his eyes immediately met yours. His smile, much like his laugh, was infectious, and he waved at you enthusiastically. Your cheeks felt hot, convincing yourself it was simply because of the sun beating down on you, and not the extremely attractive boy staring at you.

You forced yourself to look back at your professor, succeeding in focusing until a few minutes later when you couldn't help but look back.

Thankfully, he wasn't already looking, and you took the rare moment to take in his appearance - the way his shirt hung from his lean frame, the way his hair bounced as he walked, the way- shit, he was staring again.

This time, you stopped looking in his direction, even contributing a few missed points in the conversation.

Then a frisbee flew over your classmates, landing a few inches away from you. You shook your head, laughing along with your peers like it had just been a freak accident like Peter didn't purposefully aim for you.

"Sorry." His voice broke through the laughter, the girls giggling as he walked through them, stopping right in front of you. "Sorry about that."

You looked up, a knowing smile etched on your lips. "No worries." You reached out and grabbed the frisbee, offering him his lost toy. "You should practice your aim."

He tilted his head, that boyish smirk you'd grown to love causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach. "I think I'm all good in that arena."

You shrugged, placing the frisbee in his palm. "Maybe."

He shook his head, looking at the professor apologetically. "Sorry about that, sir. I'll get out of your way." Sparing one last look toward you, he winked, running back to Harry leisurely.

You sighed, not even trying to hide the fact that you were ogling him. Your professor cleared his throat, pulling you from your view. "Are you still with us?"

You coughed, cheeks once again red hot. "Sorry, sir. Won't happen again."

He nodded, thoroughly tired of the last twenty minutes. "As I was saying-"

[barcapix]

Anything for Jan Virgili? Love your workkk<33

✮ Champagne Coast - Jan Virgili

jan virgili x fem!reader

sy: unexpectedly, you run into a group of guys when you lose your ring in the sand, luckily, someone has already retrieved it for you.

a/n: hope this did justice grazie!

warnings: nonoo

summer break finally arrives.

seagulls squawk somewhere below the clouds, the waves crash within the faded background like natures applause, and the flimsy campfire you surprisingly managed to ignite, crackles against the fizz of the ocean.

a game of frisbee had devolved into a clumsy footrace, laughter ringing out as bare feet kicked up the sand. but somewhere between dodging flying tackles and tripping over your two legs, your heart quietly sank.

your hand feels somewhat.. lighter.

“oh no,” you mutter, freezing mid step. “my ring.”

though, it wasn’t just any ring. it had been gifted to you by your late grandmother, the only thing left you had of her in memory.

“did it slip off? one of your friends asks, falling to her knees beside you.

“i don’t know, it was on my hand a second ago.”

you follow, and start combing through the sand, fingers sifting desperately. but the sand is vast, and your panic rises with every passing heartbeat.

just a few feet away, a group of guys are messing around near the volleyball net. loud and carefree.

they are bickering over god knows-what, probably something stupid like, did the ball hit the net rather than the sand.

as your friends scatter over the beach, on a mission to retrieve the jewelled ring, you didn’t even notice how much closer your two groups were drifting, until you hear it.

“go away you jerks. don’t you have something better to attend to? instead of bothering us.”

you rise from your knees, trudging through the thick sand like it’s pulling you back. “what’s going on?”

“these—,” the blonde one of your group jabs a finger to the guys’ chest. “—think we’ve purposely taken hostage of their ‘precious’ ball. apparently, we’re thieves now.”

“hey, hey,” one of them raises both hands with an amused smirk. “i think you’re all overreacting a tiny bit here.”

the same guy subtly tilts his chin to the white ball behind you, half-buried in sand grains.

another boy chimes. “its alright hermano, i got it.”

at the same time, you step backward, allowing your friends to diffuse the heat.

that’s when it happens.

one of the guy’s collide into you, trying to spike the runaway volleyball. you tumble back, brushing solidly against him, almost toppling over.

“whoa, there,” the boy says, steadying your back just in time. “easy chica. you could’ve fell.”

the curly haired guy looks down at you—a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth and his locks messily windswept over his forehead. his sun-bronzed skin is dusted in sand, completely shirtless, which.. really didn’t help.

both of you notice his hand lingering on your back for a little too long and step apart, just slightly flustered.

“uh—were you looking for this?”

his hands rise from his trunks’ pockets, revealing a silver ring bound between his fingers.

your breath caught. the jewel glints in his hand, unmistakably yes—the one you were looking for. relief but also disbelief wash over you.

“my ring. where did you—?”

“you dropped it near the volleyball net,” he chuckles, offering it over. “i thought it was, like, a thorn when i almost stepped on it.”

you took it gently, your fingers brushing his. “ah sorry about that, but thanks. seriously, i was freaking out.”

the guy shrugs, as if it was no big deal.

however, his eyes flick briefly over you—landing on your thin, crocheted cover-up fluttering in the wind. you shiver without meaning to.

“you cold?”

before you could deny, he pulls the hoodie tied around his waist loose. it was sandy and sun-warmed, smelling faintly of saltwater and something vaguely boyish.

citrus maybe?

“i wish i had a better jumper for you,” he ushers a breathy laugh. “it’s not the most cosy but..”

you blink at him, surprised. “wait—are you sure?”

“positive,” he hands it out. “besides, you kind of look like you need it more than i do.”

lazily, you slip it over your head, the sleeves falling past your wrists. what was he on about? it was the softest thing your skin had ever felt.

you fidget at the drawstrings, trying to shake off the sudden flutter in your stomach, pretending not to notice how his eyes were still on you.

the brunette swallows the lump in his throat and rubs the back of his neck, the grin on his face flickering.

“it looks better on you too,” he mumbles, almost too quiet to catch. you grin, “well, thank you.”

the pair of you stand there, caught in a serene moment neither wants to break. that is, until his friends call, impossibly loud.

“i guess that’s my cue,” he sighs with a crooked smile, starting to turn. “by the way,” he gestures to the ring on your hand. “you might wanna tighten the fit for that.”

“i’d hate for you to lose it again.”

and just like that, the boy offers you a distinct nod—the one that men give when they’re trying to seem cooler than they are.

except, he totally is.

you stand there, the wind tossing your damp hair over your eyes, watching him shuffle away with his hands buried in his pockets.

from the distance, his friend group exclaim multiple: “what took you so long?” and other, “we aren’t here to start falling in love with the enemies, hermano!”

jan only laughs, glancing half-hidden over his shoulder with a barely-there smirk—the same one he greeted you with.

jan.

you’ll remember that next time you lose your ring.

🔖🏷️: @n0vazsq @hearzdiarx @paucubarsisimp @diarieeeelils @joaosnovia @httpsdana @universefcb @madamsoulette @mariejuli

[fandomnerd9602]

Beach Trip

Bambi!Wanda X reader 

You and your doe human hybrid mate Wanda had been together for about a month or so. It had been the best time of your life. Spending evenings with her in your arms and days working together at the sanctuary.

A certain event was coming up. One that Natasha had been planning for the whole hybrid sanctuary: a beach trip.

The idea of the trip both excited and terrified the young doe. On one hand, the two of you would be able to spend some time in a new place together. She could see it now, a walk on the beach against the setting sun. It made her heart flutter and her doe tail wiggle.

Her tail. That was the downside. You and her had never seen each other without a shirt or pj bottoms on. Wanda was still very self conscious about herself. She never showed you her little deer tail.

And if she was in a bikini like the one Natasha showed her, Wanda’s tail would be on full display. How would you react? Would you like it or would you be mortified that she had a tail?! Some many thoughts ran rampant in the doe’s mind.

She ran up to Natasha freaking out.

“What am I going to do?! My detka has never seen my tail before!”

Natasha simply held up a scarlet red bikini and tossed it to her pal.

“Then you show it off” Natasha smirked, “you’re beautiful, Wanda, every part of you. Don’t be ashamed of who you are”

Wanda couldn’t think straight. It was good advice but she just wasn’t ready.

So she decided to wear the scarlet red bikini. Well she’d wear it under a shirt and cargo shorts.

You and Wanda arrived at the beach with Natasha and the other workers and hybrids around the late afternoon. The sun was hot but the beach was nice and cool.

Wanda couldn’t help but admire the view. You nuzzle her and kiss her cheek.

“Great view, huh?” You inquired with a gentle smile.

“Yes” she giggled before turning to you as you were already stripping down to your own swim outfit. You kept yourself in pretty good shape, considering that you, Natasha and Yelena were often doing field missions to rescue other hybrids.

Wanda found herself staring at you, finding that view much more enticing.

“My doe?” You asked her, shaking her from her trance. Wanda couldn’t help but blush. You gave her antlers an affectionate caress.

“Huh?”

“Natasha’s calling to you,” you point out to Natasha who’s holding a frisbee.

“Hey lover girl!” Natasha called out, “just one round of frisbee!”

Wanda ran out giddy to play with her best friend and a couple of the other hybrids.

Wanda found herself lost in the moment. You were watching her adoringly. She always looked amazing when she felt so free.

Wanda also found herself growing hotter. The cargo shorts were a bad idea.

“I-I’m hot,” she complained.

“Maybe you should strip off the combat shorts and let your mate see your tail” Yelena chimed in.

“But what if-“ Wanda tried to argue but Natasha cut her off with a hand on the shoulder.

“(Y/N) loves you. Tail or not, that’ll never change.”

Wanda gave her friend an affirmative nod and walked over to you. You greeted her with a hug and a bottle of water.

“You played hard out there with the hybrids” you smiled at your mate.

“Detka I have something I need to show you. Please still love me,” she begged you. Her hands moved to the hem of her shorts. You weren’t quite sure what she was doing.

First her cargo shorts dropped to the sandy beach. You could see a hint of her scarlet red bikini. And then her fingers took a hold of her shirt and she took it off, leaving a beautiful goddess of a doe hybrid standing before you in scarlet red bikini glory.

“W-wow” was all you could say. She looks at you with those innocent yet pleading eyes.

“This is me. All of me.” She said before turning around and exposing her deer tail which popped out through a knitted hold in her bottom garment.

The tail itself was a reddish brown patch of fur which matched your mate’s gorgeous hair.

“I have a tail as you can see.” Wanda tried to be confident in your presence. “Please don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad, baby?” You gently turned her around and looked her in her emerald-hazelnut eyes. “It’s beautiful. It’s a part of you. Honestly I think it’s cute…like you”

“Really?” She giggled. You noticed that when she giggled, her tail gently shook a little. It was just yet another reason to love this girl before you.

“Would it be alright if I grabbed it?” You asked, joking a little.

Wanda gave you a little mischievous grin, “you have to catch me first!”

And with that your doe-human mate ran off down the beach, with you chasing after her. Wanda laughed and giggled as you chased her up and down the beach.

Natasha, observing the whole ordeal, simply shook her head and smiled, “I never knew (Y/N) to be a tail chaser.”

You and your mate spent the better part of the afternoon into the evening just enjoying your time on the beach together. Wanda counted herself blessed to have a mate who loved her for everything she was. And she loved you back just as much.

Tags @lifespectator @aloneodi @ma1egamer @revanshand @russianredassassin @julieromanoff @pinklawyerwinnerzonk @iiconicsfan25 @holiday-house-of-m @family-house-of-m