#fuck i should have called it 'birb watch' instead

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

shangque is SO. FIHOADAOISD. he's feng xin coded. chasing down his beloved like 'BABE ARE U AVOIDING ME. WHY ARE U AVOIDING ME. BABE LET'S GET MARRIED I WILL GIVE U ALL MY MONEY EVEN IF I CAN'T AFFORD A NICE HOUSE OR A DOWRY FOR U' ;A;

AND THEN WHEN SHE AGREED. HE GRIIIIIINS AND SWINGS HER UP AND SPINS HER AROUND LAUGHING. just like in my bff's fengqing story sdhaidosadiaofih

[makeste]

So, which of these desperately sobbing children gets to compete for Worst Day? I... think Shouto's our, uh, lucky winner, but I think Deku, Momo, and Tokoyami all put up strong fights

so seeing as we are finally approaching New Chapter Times again after a very long three weeks, this feels like a good time to do a recap of just how much everything currently sucks for our intrepid heroes. it may seem a bit insensitive of me to go through the cast list one by one and arbitrarily assign each character a number score based on how shitty their day was, but... well actually I don’t really have a good defense for that, lol. whatever, let’s just get to ranking these children’s misery (and while we’re at it, some of the adults’ as well).

Midoriya Izuku

current status: unconscious. currently has a pair of those floppy inflatable flailing tube men dealios for arms. had to watch his teacher and his best friends get hurt and nearly die while being helpless to do anything to stop it. has a new quirk which “warns” him of approaching danger by giving him ice pick headaches, as if he didn’t have enough pain in his life as it is. is being targeted by the most dangerous person in the world. and last but not least, is probably on the verge of his super-secret quirk becoming not-so-secret, and having to deal with the fallout of that.

rank: 9/10. hard to imagine how things could get much worse for this little guy atm. NO HORIKOSHI THAT IS NOT A CHALLENGE. YOU LEAVE HIS MENTOR ALONE.

Bakugou Katsuki

current status: unconscious. got impaled by the Big Bad which initially did not look good, but apparently it wasn’t enough to stop him from flying around in drunken loop-de-loops whilst ignoring Iida’s protests, so who knows. proudly announced his new hero name to the world only to be met with scorn and ridicule and hysterical laughter from that fucking Caillou-looking motherfucker whose opinion he never mcfucking asked for, thank you very much. and also his best friend’s self-sacrificing tendencies are giving him anxiety, and his other best friend’s brother just pulled a reverse Darth Vader on Endeavor and upended hero society as we know it. so there’s a good chance he might be called upon to provide emotional support to one or even BOTH of them in the near future. has... has he actually become the stable friend in the trio. fuck.

rank: 7/10 just because he briefly appeared to be in a situationally-inappropriate good mood for those few brief minutes right after Jeanist appeared. you were having too much fun to get a top score, Katsuki.

Todoroki Shouto

current status: not unconscious but probably wishing he was. older brother came back from the dead and revealed that he was a mass murderer and broadcast all of Shouto’s personal traumas to the entire world before earnestly trying to set him and his friends on fire. so is currently dealing with all of the fun fallout from that, on top of watching his teacher and friends all come within inches of death. will probably be dragged into a national controversy against his will now that Endeavor’s past has been revealed. all of it is honestly so shitty that it’s all but impossible for me to put an irreverent spin on this. I honestly can’t think of a single joke to make. goddammit Shouto.

rank: 10/10. a perfect storm of shittiness.

Yaoyorozu Momo

current status: somehow Momo went from having no mentors that we knew of, to having two mentors, and then back to having no mentors, all in the span of a single day. has to be some sort of record.

rank: 8/10. and the worst part of all is that she was a fucking BAMF during this arc, but she can’t even enjoy that now because of all the trauma. I’m still proud of you, Momo.

Uraraka Ochako

current status: mentally and physically exhausted after spending a day out on the front lines dealing with the aftermath of an unnatural disaster. saw things that were canonically enough to make a grown man have a nervous breakdown right then and there. had a really weird and unsettling encounter with Toga who keeps trying to relate to her by telling her things like “hey Ochako, this one time I turned into you and used your quirk to murder someone horribly isn’t that wild.” it’s just been a very long day for her.

rank: 6/10. stressful af but she’s still in one piece and no one was actively murdered in front of her. sometimes you gotta take whatever wins you can get.

Tokoyami Fumikage

current status: his mentor was nearly burned to death in front of him and he was almost burned to death too, and the guy who kept attempting to burn him was all “YOUR MENTOR’S A MURDERER BTW AND SO YOU SHOULD JUST LET ME KILL HIM”, and so he was kind of put on the spot there and he didn’t really know what to do, and somehow he managed to escape with Hawks anyway but Hawks’s wings were all burnt off, and then a fucking video of Hawks stabbing Twice in the back got broadcast to the entire nation and so it’s like, ???? he didn’t sign up for this??? he is just a little birb??? can he live????

rank: 7/10 because he missed out on all of the other traumatizing stuff, but it’s honestly impressive how bad his day managed to be even in spite of that.

All for One

current status: All for One’s day is actually going pretty good.

rank: 0/10. hey but fuck you, AFO.

Shigaraki Tomura

current status: woke up early from his nap which always sucks. only got to enjoy his cool new Transcendent Being powers for a few minutes before the heroes all ganged up on him and incinerated him a bunch of times and fucked up his shiny new cape. has his old mentor currently taking up residence in his head uninvited and trying to boss him around. found out his grandma was part of One for All?? then slept through all of the fun stuff with the Dabi reveal. also a bunch of his friends are either dead or captured. all in all was not really the best day for him.

rank: 8/10 because he was having himself a grand old time for a while there, but once some of this stuff finally sinks in the Suck Factor is going to go way, way up. also, seriously, AFO is currently possessing his body, jesus christ. just leave him alone already.

Hawks

current status: had to make an impossible choice between sitting back and letting an untold number of people die, and turning on a good but misguided man who was only trying to help his friends. has to live with the trauma of literally stabbing his friend in the back for the rest of his life. may have been rendered effectively quirkless. was publicly dragged through the mud alongside Endeavor, and unlike Endeavor he didn’t actually do anything to earn it (though that probably won’t stop him from feeling like he has). oh and speaking of Endeavor, just found out that the hero he looked up to since childhood abused his family and shit, and so now he has to grapple with that on top of everything else. how fucked is it that the minute he finally got to drop his whole double agent balancing act, his life somehow got even more fucked up and complicated.

rank: 9/10. let Hawks rest.

Aizawa Shouta

current status: unconscious. seems to have lost an eye which may possibly affect his quirk. had to saw off his own fucking leg. met the man who experimented on his childhood friend. doesn’t know yet that said man was originally targeting him and not Shirakumo. oh and also his other other childhood friend just died and he doesn’t know it yet. and someone else sacrificed himself in order to save him. and most of his other hero pals are either dead or wounded too, and all of his kids are deeply traumatized. and the guy they went through all of this shit to try and capture in the first place got away, and hero society is now in shambles.

rank: 11/10. Horikoshi. wtf did Aizawa ever do to you.

anyways it’s getting late and I was gonna throw in a few honorable mentions, but I think I’ll just call it a day instead. feel free to weigh in on any of the ones I missed. Dabi for one is having himself a FINE, fine day. but Endeavor not so much. sob.

[hazbinhotelcanon]

Voxtagram posts - 16 June 2020 to 30 June 2020

These are all the “in character” posts & comments from the Helluva/Hazbin accounts that have recently been popping up on Instagram. Comments from other people aren’t included unless characters interact with them. Since Instagram doesn’t have a chronological feed & timestamps show only the date on posts older than 24 hours, I’ve listed the posts as close to chronologically as I can reconstruct.

I’ve seen tons of fans expressing annoyance/frustration at trying to keep up with these in character Instagram accounts and their new lore and plots. That’s the top reason I started this blog. If you want to see my ongoing logs of the in character Instagram posts, follow @hazbinhotelcanon​!

I’m gonna call these “Voxtagram posts” instead of “Instagram posts” because Hazbin/Helluva Hell's equivalents to our social media sites were apparently named for Vox—Voxtagram, Voogle, VoxTube, Voxcarto—so I’ll use that for the in-universe posts.

Since this is the first “Voxtagram” post, I’ve got a big disclaimer on how “canon” this material is; I’ll put it at the bottom of this post. First, the actual art!

Canon accounts featured in this post: just Blitzo (blitzorodeo) and Stolas (daddy_hoothoot).

16 June 2020

blitzorodeo Here at the stable!!! #horsethings #itwasonly5$$$$$$$$ #selfie❤️ #😈😈😈😈

17 June 2020

blitzorodeo I just cant choose what name to give my horse!! They’re just so good! Which is your favorite 🥺😈😛 #namesrhard #icantwaittowriteitdownagain

19 June 2020

blitzorodeo My horse and I went to the living world. How do you people deal with all this blue

janegumball Blitz, show us your horse blitzorodeo @janegumball 😮👏😢🙌😔 janegumball @blitzorodeo so no horse? Damn... 😔 blitzorodeo @janegumball Push pin (my horse) and i have a special relationship, you cant just ask for pictures of my horse

20 June 2020

blitzorodeo I got new riding boots!! My horse coupon 2.0 picked them out for me! :0) BT dubs, i changed my horses’ name to coupon 2.0

megan25gothiqueimmortel Youre awesome like always Blitzy blitzorodeo @megan25gothiqueimmortel 😍😍😍 yes i am good thanks 😋💖💕❤️

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Blitzō (@blitzorodeo) on Jun 20, 2020 at 1:40am PDT

blitzorodeo

Watching my favorite movie with my horse!!

#movienight🥺 #spiritismyfavmovie

blitzorodeo Maxipad and i can’t get enough of these lil iced bitches 🥰😛😋 BTdubs i renamed my horse to maxipad dont flame me 🔥🔥🔥 #icedcofee #mmmmiloveicedcoffee #donttslktomebeforeihavemycoffree

markzillow655 I feel like Blitz put some drugs in that drink blitzorodeo @markzillow655 its just iced coffee 😬

janegumball What name is on your horse’s birth certificate? blitzorodeo @janegumball 😳 thats a secret 😗❤️

watsurdamage dont tslk to me before i have my coffree probablyfakeblonde @watsurdamage leave him alone, he just wants to enjoy time with his horse watsurdamage @probablyfakeblonde what horse blitzorodeo @probablyfakeblonde 😔

21 June 2020

blitzorodeo WENT TO THE MOOOOVVVIIIEEESSSS!! 🥴 it was lame, no horses in this movie 😑👎 it suuuuxxxxxxx!!! Anyways my horses new name is nail polish #moxxiehasstinyPP #iatrtheirpopcorm #illreviewthrmovielater

lordskelecat Pics of the horse or it doesn’t exist blitzorodeo @lordskelecat YOU CANT JUST ASK FOR PICS OF MY HORSE!!! DONT FLAME ME!!! 🔥🔥🔥

blitzorodeo Throw back to last years halloween costume!!! My horse Latex glove said i should post it :0) Oh yea my horses new name is latex glove #iusedlotsofmakeuponmyhorns #andotherplaces;) #donthugmeillloosemymakeuponyou

akira282006 Isn't it in those clothes that blitzo appears in a Hazbin hotel scene?. By the way great costume👌 blitzorodeo @akira282006 i had to look fancy at the stufio 😎

markzillow655 That is awesome looking ngl blitzorodeo @markzillow655 😎🔥

22 June 2020

blitzorodeo My horse and i found this in Moxxies closet! LOOOL!!! Im pretty sure moxxie cant pull it off like Tupperware can. My horses new name is tupperware BTW🥺😎👍❤️ #bigdickenergyproblemslol #myjorsesnsmeistupperware #stolaseatmyass

radio_demon_husk He wouldn’t know about virginity after all he did sleep with stolas blitzorodeo @radio_demon_husk who the fuck is stolas

yaelgilbert He low-key kinda hot tho. blitzorodeo @yaelgilbert 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

blitzorodeo GOD DAMN IT!! They gave me fucking HOT COFFEE!! 👿🔥 this is bullshit im about to to full karen on their asses!! BTdubs, my horses name is ICED COFFEE WHICH IS WHAT I WANTED!!! #bullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshit!!!!

hellishgirly34 Do you like Moxxie xD? Spit the tea! blitzorodeo @licoholics nah he’s stinky.

23 June 2020

blitzorodeo Having my hotdog that my horse recommended. This guy wont stop talking to me. I changed my horses name to keystroke #thightuesday❤️😈 #hotdogtimeisagoodtime

yaelgilbert You gonna slurp that mustered off your lap or can I? blitzorodeo @yaelgilbert I want a happy meal first

blitzorodeo In a meeting rn, i love these filters LOL! My horse chose this filter :0) Their name is now snimmer~ #moxxieisatotalbabe #thattaghas100+onit #proovesmoxxieisbaby #:)😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

janegumball Snimmer is a dumb name 👎 blitzorodeo @janegumball 🔥👿👎🔥

blitzorodeo Feeling cute today, calling my horse on an old clamshell phone! 😈❤️🌟#foundthisoldshotinaboxlol #missusingmyclalmshells

daddy_hoothoot My eyes have been blessed to see my dear Blitzy like this! You’re always so adorable.

bryan_fedrix what's the horse's name now? blitzorodeo @bryan_fedrix THANK YOU FOR ASKING, the name is shrinkwrap

25 June 2020

daddy_hoothoot Octavia said I needed an instagram account and surprised me this morning. Am I doing this right? #nofilter #wokeuplikethis

blitzorodeo 👎 daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo Oh, Blitzy, you know you love seeing this in the morning❤️❤️❤️ blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot 😔 not a horse

blitzorodeo 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

edwar_17_art Birb father daddy_hoothoot @edwar_17_art I’m not quite sure what a “birb” is but I am indeed a father. And a very proud one at that.

boiled_trash Daddy hoot hoot? Can you be my daddy~? daddy_hoothoot @boiled_trash I’m sorry, I already have a daughter

blitzorodeo Stolas came over and asked for my horse cook but snowcone (my horse) isn’t interested. 🥴👿😑

blitzorodeo BTW my horse is a master chef 🔥

daddy_hoothoot My, what a lovely pair of legs those are!

blitzorodeo At the pool with my horse! We both have pool floaties we stole from some kid together 🥺🔥😈

daddy_hoothoot Oh! You’re in the pool? blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot ................................. no........................... boiled_trash @karlaanimatesyt stolas is bout to join him karlaanimatesyt @boiled_trash Not it I get there first and stop him! 🤠 It’s our job to protect blitzo >:0!! blitzorodeo @karlaanimatesyt finally i have a human shield jaquiialeworld @daddy_hoothoot Stolas, I know how to make blitzo surrender to you, give him a horse blitzorodeo @jaquiialeworld i already have a horse 👎

wolf.nerd.geek Also Blitzo is so cute that face he is making can you send me a link to this pic please blitzorodeo @wolf.nerd.geek this is my selfie 😑🔥

thorns521 How do you feel about Stolas’s new account Blitzø? blitzorodeo @thorns521 I can never post a thigh pic again... daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo Don’t let me get in the way of you showing the world those hot thighs 😉

vinfer8 Who took the picture? 🤔 blitzorodeo @vinfer8 obviously my horse

boiled_trash What does your horse’s pool float look like? blitzorodeo @boiled_trash looks like a dragon 🐉

karlaanimatesyt Wow.... :0 What’s your horses name today? :D I’m interested!! blitzorodeo @karlaanimatesyt pool noodle 😎

nightmurr 🥺💕 you have such a cute little smile i- blitzorodeo @nightmurr 😎

princess_.ee Whats your horses name? blitzorodeo @princess_.ee FINALLY SOMEONE ASSKKED. Its Noodle, pool noodle

26 June 2020

daddy_hoothoot I spy a cutie 😈🥰 @blitzorodeo

pipunpkin i spy a SIMP daddy_hoothoot @pipunpkin If a “SIMP” means Sexy Imp then yes

watsurdamage Suspiciously with no horse... 👀 blitzorodeo @watsurdamage he went to use the bathroom obviously watsurdamage @blitzorodeo obviously boiled_trash @blitzorodeo where’s his pool float then??? watsurdamage @boiled_trash @blitzorodeo I think they’ve got you there blitz daddy_hoothoot @watsurdamage no one needs to pick on my Blitzy. If he says there was a horse there, there was a horse there.

blitzorodeo New icon fr da newme (My horse, typo, wrote that for me)

daddy_hoothoot 😘

maro.drawings blitzo your photos are always beautiful 👌💖 but I need to ask you something .... how much does a domicile murder cost? blitzorodeo @maro.drawings you have to get a consultation if you want a priiicceeeee 🔥

blitzorodeo So.. Remember, bushes are great places to hide... my horse, dixxie cup, hid in the bush next to me #hidingforgoodreasonslol #itskindafunnybutalsonotbecauseimstuckinabush #updatelateronthebushsituation

daddy_hoothoot Oh dear

janegumball Dixie Cup is a dumb dumb name 👎 horse name 0/10 blitzorodeo @janegumball DONT FLAME MEEEEE!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

sirnasteryg87 is your horse okay? (´；д；`) blitzorodeo @sirnasteryg87 dixie cup is doin just fine, were both hiding in the

27 June 2020

blitzorodeo ok update, I was able to escape the bushes and I got an iced coffee, I'm fine looooool. My horse (named latex glove) also got one too. I think we'll come here more often to get coffeeeee #tastyasfuckman #iloveicedcoffeeitstasty

daddy_hoothoot Hope you’re enjoying the living world, Blitzy! Can’t wait to see you when you get back! blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot yea yea....

maichyartnoodles You look like you are doing an Ahegao, wtf?! blitzorodeo @maichyartnoodles weeb

thesydinator Just add some beta blockers with that iced coffee, and bam: you’re completely hammered blitzorodeo @thesydinator now THAT sounds like an idea 😎😎😍😍

ant_arts_entertainment I love horses blitzorodeo @ant_arts_entertainment this guy gets me

king_leb72 Damn why were you in the bushes blitzorodeo @king_leb72 i have my motives, im a pro

blitzorodeo This is the piñata that reminded me of moxxie LOL. Tortilla chip (my horse) said to give it to mills, I think she’d love it 🤣😈

daddy_hoothoot It’s cute but not quite as cute as a certain imp I know 😏 😈 angelmadefromhell @daddy_hoothoot Moxxie? daddy_hoothoot @angelmadefromhell Which one of the little ones are they? blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot Just remember our agreement and you can call me whatever you want... ill see you at 8 daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo Can’t wait! 😘

janegumball You took my name suggestion. If you change it again I’m afraid I’m gonna have to report your account. blitzorodeo @janegumball wtffff!!!!!

daddy_hoothoot Had myself a bit of a spook. Still not quite used to this phone. #dadprobs 🦉

blitzorodeo Use a filter daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo I’ll keep that in mind for next time

hellishgirly34 Stolas, why Blitzo was hiding in a bush? daddy_hoothoot @bluepatata I’m not quite sure. I tried to call him but he didn’t pick up.

daddy_hoothoot Got to spend the day with Octavia. 💖🖤#prouddad #saturdaysaremadefordads

ballora_x Wait, I have a good question, how can you're daughter hear everything in the Headsets wale she doesn't have ears? daddy_hoothoot @ballora_x we’re in Hell, dear. Living world logic doesn’t apply.

ricardo_silis_garcia_ I came to ask for your daughter's hand daddy_hoothoot @ricardo_silis_garcia_ not my hand to give. Besides she’s far too young for matrimony.

28 June 2020

blitzorodeo I drew a picture of msyulef as a horse :) im such a a creative guy!! my given horse name from my horse (Renamed to flavor dust) is blitzo2. if you translate it it's whIIIINNENEEE nay bRRRRRR HEEERRGH. #whatsyourhorsiename #stolasdontotinteract

blitzorodeo Im such a good artist boiled_trash @blitzorodeo you’re not a good artist, you’re an amazing one! blitzorodeo @boiled_trash 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍YOURE 👏 RIGHT👏👏👏

daddy_hoothoot You’re always so talented with your hands, Blitzy!

sugar.weaver My horse name is Tiny Whore - or Horse... I'm not fluent yet and they're pretty similar sounds... In horse that's PBBBF.. NNNEEHHHHHEH BPFF! BPFF! (The exclamation points are important to the translation) blitzorodeo @sugar.weaver i liked this 3 times. Your horse name is perfect PBBBF NNNNNEEEHHHEH BPPFF BPFFF, fucking amazing sugar.weaver @blitzorodeo Thank you so much, whIIIIINNENEEE nay bRRRRRR HEEERRGH, but you forgot my exclamation points and called me Clammy Ankles 😔😔😔 blitzorodeo @sugar.weaver i was being informal but ill remember next time 😔

momgimmeoreo How did you learn how to draw, Blitz? blitzorodeo @momgimmeoreo im just talented

beetle.ghosts omg you're so talented blitzorodeo @beetle.ghosts ❤️❤️❤️😍❤️😍❤️❤️❤️😍😍❤️❤️😍😍

andonijean Oh wow! This is a piece of art! I'll give you one hundred of apples for it~ blitzorodeo @andonijean WOW GIMMUE APPLE

aateabee Gosh, I wish my art was as good as yours, Blitzo. I feel unworthy when I look at your art. blitzorodeo @aateabee ❤️😎❤️😎❤️😎❤️😎❤️😎😎😎

aitesound666 I Love you art，will you draw moxxie as a horse? blitzorodeo @aitesound666 i should....!!!!!

karlaanimatesyt Blitzo! >:0 I LOVE YOUR ART, YOU ARE SUCH A GODDESS! Will you ever do more art? :D I would love to see some more! blitzorodeo @karlaanimatesyt wow.... yes... ill post more art 😍😍❤️😍❤️

boiled_trash Love your art, Blitzo! Have you considered doing commissions? blitzorodeo @boiled_trash im thinjing of opening them soon :)

kaldraws8280 Oh you should hang it on moxxies fridge! I bet hed love it! blitzorodeo @kaldraws8280 hed better....

leoleochleoleo you draw yourself as a horse because you like to lay on your fours for the old owl 7u7? blitzorodeo @leoleochleoleo FIRST OF ALL. Im a top, and second, i draw myself as a horse because its my SPIRIT animal >:(

blitzorodeo Some requests!! You guys really like my art 😋 i worked really hard on moxxies horsiebdrawing. He doesnt HAVE a horse name. Its just moxxie. My red crayon ran out i only had blue dont flame me preps

daddy_hoothoot 💖💖💖💖💖💖🥺!!! blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot its from that time you choked on a rat bone 🦴 daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo I still absolutely adore it! daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo There’s only one bone I enjoy choking on 😏 blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot STOLAS

megadoomed Do you take constructive criticism blitzorodeo @megadoomed no

nightmurr AN ART GOD 😳😳 blitzorodeo @nightmurr 😎🔥 i am really good at art

aitesound666 I think you deserve this 🙌🙌👏👏👏 blitzorodeo @aitesound666 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

useful.crew.too Your drawings and pictures bring me such joy!! blitzorodeo @useful.crew.too 😍❤️

mr_unknown15632 Your art work is amazing not gonna lie, the second drawing looks exactly like moxxie blitzorodeo @mr_unknown15632 doesnt it??????? 🙌🙌🙌

whereareallmyenchiladas honestly at this point put “artist” in ur bio🥺 ur art is way too good to not be recognized blitzorodeo @whereareallmyenchiladas so right

29 June 2020

blitzorodeo My horse, who i renamed to smart phone, said I should wear sunglasses. I trust my horses opinion :} #sunglassesonfunsout #ifuckinglovewearingsunglassesyoucantseewhatimthinking #galaxybrainzriseup

bootyprince damn u single bb? blitzorodeo @bootyprince always up for a good time 😎

aateabee Where’d you get the glasses from? I’d really like a pair like that! blitzorodeo @aateabee at my local sunglasses hut

blitzorodeo stolas sent me this picture earlier... not sure what he was trying to do but i think the camera went off after he posed.

daddy_hoothoot Oh! This is embarrassing. blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot 🤧

bootyprince send him one back blitzorodeo @bootyprince maybe i will....... blitzorodeo @blitzorodeo NOT daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo 🥺

blitzorodeo just saw Antz... Z reminds me WAAYYY too much of Moxxie... #pleaseshutuppleaseshutup

daddy_hoothoot I always feel amazing after a good preening 🦉❤️ #fluffyisthebest

blitzorodeo I came back for my left glove thats all 🔥🔥 daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo If you want to come by for the other one, we can watch one of those horse movies you enjoy 🐴

blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot ............... spirit........ ill bring my VHS but NOTHING FUNNY daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo I’ll get popcorn!

30 June 2020

daddy_hoothoot Movie night with Blitzy! 😈🦉🍿

blitzorodeo SPIRIT IS A VERY EMOTIONAL MOVIE

deparkjimin COUPLE GOALS.! They should get married now.❤️❤️❤️ blitzorodeo @deparkjimin we are NOT A couple! saquesealchingada @blitzorodeo That's what everyone says, what do you say Stolas? daddy_hoothoot @saquesealchingada I... It’s complicated

leoleochleoleo I thought that old man didn't know how to use netflix 0: daddy_hoothoot @leoleochleoleo Blitzy brought a VHS

mistress_of_insanity Are ya watchin' porn or somethin'? 👀🔥 blitzorodeo @mistress_of_insanity 👎👎👎👎👎 NO ITS SPIRIT

natycolrange OhHH we can Finaly see the Horse!! 🌟🌟 blitzorodeo @natycolrange its just a horse figurine, my horse went to the shitter

blitzorodeo I went to Mcdonalds and Mccucked this human womans wife lol. My horse said it was my charms and my daddy fingers. too bad I'm wild and free babybeeee #ihadamcflurryandlarrrggeeefries #cantfuckintamemeimfree #likespiritthehorse

daddy_hoothoot Oh...

trysteropup Need an imp with daddy fingers in my life blitzorodeo @trysteropup this is my absolute favorite comment

mr_unknown15632 My main question is, what’s your horses name? blitzorodeo @mr_unknown15632 THANK YIU FOR ASKINGGGG!!! Thr name is flame proof, cuz nobody can burn this biatch

hat_flap Hey Daddy Finger blitzorodeo @hat_flap hey baby maker

yaelgilbert At least return her horse frame to her. blitzorodeo @yaelgilbert NO.

probablyfakeblonde STOP STEALING MY SHIT!!! YOULL NEVER BE LIKE SPIRIT blitzorodeo @probablyfakeblonde DONT FLAME ME JUST CUZ I HAVE DADDY FINGERS AND YOU DONT! watsurdamage @blitzorodeo @probablyfakeblonde I mean he’s right blitzorodeo @watsurdamage @probablyfakeblonde cucked again probablyfakeblonde @watsurdamage @blitzorodeo honey please don’t do this, he’s already stolen my beautiful framed horse picture, I can’t lose you too 🥺 blitzorodeo @probablyfakeblonde its mine now, and im wild and free, cant tame me watsurdamage @blitzorodeo @probablyfakeblonde you heard him, like Miley he can’t be tamed

daddy_hoothoot A pleasant afternoon tea with my wife 😢

daddy_hoothoot Sorry, I meant to put 😌

aitesound666 Ok，a question。Who took the picture?😮 daddy_hoothoot @aitesound666 Butler

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Blitzō (@blitzorodeo) on Jun 30, 2020 at 1:46am PDT

blitzorodeo I tried animating and it’s sucks

janegumball Everyone in the comments is trying to spare your feelings, and you know it blitzorodeo @janegumball i think ur just jealous thet im amazing

blitzorodeo Loonie and I went out to the city! my horse Dominator got us there! :) #horseinthecityha #betterthanataxiiii #itfuckinfreeeee

daddy_hoothoot How cute, Blitzy! Perhaps someday we can arrange a little play date. I think our daughters would very much enjoy it. blitzorodeo @daddy_hoothoot Loona might be a little too old to do play dates.. daddy_hoothoot @blitzorodeo it’s more of an expression than an actual play date, Blitzy. I simply think they may get along.

bootyprince she looks just like u blitzorodeo @bootyprince the resemblance is uncanine

And that’s all the June posts!!

So! Since this is the first Voxtagram post, lemme include the big ol’ disclaimer that’s going to apply to all of these posts: we don’t yet know how canon these accounts are.

This is why they’re broadly accepted as canon: as far as I have been able to track back (correct me if you know better & have a source!), the first of these accounts, Blitzo’s, was found by fans because Vivzie followed it when it was brand new. Since then, new accounts have been discovered as they follow/interact with each other. Some official artists have interacted “in character” with the accounts. The accounts accurately announced when the “Addict” music video was going to come out, and some art posted before “Addict” used imagery that was also used in the music video. So either the accounts are definitely made by the canon creators or else being made by somebody who’s got inside access to the creators.

But, as far as I have seen, nobody on the Hazbin crew has taken credit for running them. More importantly, nobody has said how canon the blogs are. Maybe every image/word posted by these accounts is 100% accurate/canonical; or maybe the art is canon but the roleplaying in the comments is noncanon goofy fanservice; etc. We don’t know yet. It appears safest to say these accounts are probably mostly canon—but take it with a grain of salt.

So until we’re directly informed how canon the Voxtagram accounts are, Voxtagram posts are going to be tagged “#semi canon” (the same tag I’ll be using for stream transcripts) to indicate that it appears to be info coming from the creators, but it may or may not still be canon/accurate by the time the full shows and comics are released.

[sid471]

I watched episode 4 you know what that meeeeeans :3

RWBY Volume 8 spoilers you know the drill. TL;DR: Robyn’s funny, Qrow’s sad, JYR are... any synonym for upset, especially Ren, Harriet’s a bitch, but we been knew, Salem is a bitch, as well as a bad bitch, aaaaaand.... Shit >_>. Cool :3

We start off with the Birbs, Robyn telling a funny story about Joanna to try and lighten the mood ^_^... Doesn’t work but the thought that counts. Robyn says “Tough crowd. Maybe Ironwood shoulda gotten better in cell entertainment >_>” And Qrow laughs and Robyn is pleased with herself :3. Aaaand then Qrow gets sad again. Robyn says that she’s sorry for what happened and says it isn’t his fault, which it isn’t >_<, But Qrow says that it is his fault because he made a deal with the Dark and Clover paid the price for it. My Fair Game heart jumped when I heard Qrow say “I thought for once maybe I could...” but he finishes it with “Be around someone without my semblance making things... weird. And now I’m alone again. That thought... It feels like a dream.” And Robyn says “Believe it or not... I kind of know how you feel. When people are afraid you’ll spill their secrets, people tend to avoid you. And it makes making real connections... difficult.” Birb bonding we love to see it :3

And as Qrow is saying “Huh. I never thought about it like that” Harriet and Marrow throw Watts back in his cell. So I guess he fucked up. And those armed soldiers were just for show >_>. Harriet says to Qrow “You don’t get to keep that 😒” referring to Clover’s pin to which Qrow reiterates that he didn’t kill Clover.  And Harriet says “You keep saying that but it was your weapon that has it blood on it.” which... true but what happened to Tyrian’s fingerprints .-. Did they just... not try to scan Harbinger for finger prints? Well y’know what makes sense considering where Ironwood is >_> anyways. Robyn sticks up for Qrow, again as she should :3, and says “He didn’t do it and if you were so sure that he did you’d lower my cell and take my hand. 😋 “ And Harriet tries to be all confident and cocky but Robyn goes for the jugular, like the queen she is, and says “Right. Because you don’t actually care about the truth. You just want someone to be mad at 😒.” And Harriet ALMOST unlocks Robyn’s cell but Marrow stops her. But something tells me even if she did open the cell and use Robyn’s semblance she still wouldn’t believe it >_> Because Robyn is right she DOES just want someone to be mad at <_< But yeah, after Marrow stops Harriet from opening the cell they leave and Robyn lays back down on her bed and says “Well. That was almost interesting 🙄 “ and the scene changes

To Ren Jaune and Yang. They’re chasing after The Hound and they Ren manages to grab onto it with the help of Jaune and Stormflower. And Ren just kinda... Flies around for a bit, latching on the Hounds foot while Yang and Jaune continue to give chase. During the chase, The Hound stops carrying Oscar in his, sorry Summer Rose theory believers I’m gonna use he/him pronouns for The Hound lol, mouth and roars, resulting in more Grimm to appear. Kinda like how the Wyvern was able to bring about more Grimm. Which Yang expresses surprise by, not the fact that it was ABLE to bring more Grimm, but by the fact The Hound was calling for reinforcements. Which is also surprising, but he was able to call forth more Grimm by roaring .-. 

Anyways, Yang and Jaune continue to ride past the Grimm, Jaune using his tossy shield thing as a ramp, so that’s neat :3 But also did he get it back? .-. We didn’t see him use the Gravity dust in his shield ._. I hope he didn’t just... leave this advanced Atlas tech in the snow 😶 Nah I doubt he did but still weird we didn’t see’im retrieve it. I go off topic, so Jaune and Yang continue driving and evading Grimm until Yang almost drives off a cliff... Well... not almost. She drives off a cliff. But Ren comes by in the nick’a time and saves them ^_^ A clutch use of his Semblance keeps them from being Grimm food :3.

Buuuuuuut now they’re stuck, and lost, in an icy tundra with their Aura in the high 30s all around. So... wonderful. So they’re trekking through and following Ren because he said that he saw the compound when he was flying on the hound. And we FINALLY get some sense of what’s going on with Ren. Well, he said it at the end of volume 7, he doesn’t think they, and by they he means he, aren’t ready to be huntsman. Which Yang says exactly what I’ve been thinking this whole time “Were we ready at the battle at Haven? How about when we stole an Atlas airship >_>” the latter wasn’t the example she used but I couldn’t remember cause it’s been a few hours lol. But Ren continues on his tirade and says that “If we just give the staff to Ironwood everything would be okay”... Now listen I know he wasn’t really THERE when Ironwood broke, it was just RWBY, and he doesn’t know Ironwood shot Oscar, only Oscar knows that, but even so.... Ren, sweetie, honey, baby, that is SOOOOO far from the truth ._. Like even the last time he saw Ironwood he was still on the “Hey let’s ABANDON Mantle” train .-. and now he’s helping to evacuate Mantle... Technically illegally? So... Ugh Ren please don’t get on my shit list >_< He also called out Jaune for “Cheating his way into Beacon”, his exact words. Which brings the question did Jaune tell them about that? Cause last we knew only he, Pyrrha, and Cardin knew. And presumable the rest of CRDL. So did Pyrrha tell them while she was still angry at Jaune for hanging around Cardin or did Jaune tell JNPR in confidence? Either way...... Not cool to just bring up >_> Especially with how much Jaune HAS improved as a leader, a fighter, and a strategist. I don’t talk about it much but I’m proud of Jaune :3. AS proud as I am of Weiss with her whole arc ^_^... Heh... Arc. After Ren says that Jaune, obviously hurt, says “You may not think we’re ready, but I’m still going. We have a job to do.” And Yang says to Ren “Is your goal to push everyone away? 😒”

So then we see Oscar after and Salem is here... Lovely. She tries to coax information out of Oscar, namely the information about the relic of choice, which Oscar says he doesn’t know anything about, and then she asks about the “password” to the Lamp. And Oscar says that he’ll never tell her that. To which Salem promptly BLASTS him with Magic. So............. Oscar’s not doing well. And he’s REALLY not doing well when Hazel appears and starts beating his shit in. So.......... Farm Boi’s really uh... In a predicament. Salem leaves to let Hazel continue his beating, Salem comes across Cinder and Neo, Cinder asking “What is that? 🤨” Referring to The Hound to which Salem says “An experiment. I am quite pleased with the results. Did you need something? 🤨” Despite being uncomfortable around The Hound, Cinder still says her piece, that she should go back to Atlas and claim the Maiden’s powers and gain the Staff. But she stands firm and says no again and when Cinder tries to stick up for herself, The Hound roars in her face. So she backs off and says, for the second time, “Without you, I am nothing.” Which is very interesting that that’s a recurring thing between her and Salem. So, she leaves with Neo to an air ship and says “Salem doesn’t know those children like I do, they won’t ever stop their attempts to save the world.” and her plan is to go to Amity... Ya know... where Penny is, and Pietro is. And then Emerald steps up and says “Well if she [Neo] doesn’t wanna go, I will.” and says that she’s been working on her semblance and that she can help. Great. Just what Penny needs. Hallucinations and Illusions >_>. Cinder, sweetie, love you but I don’t think this is the plan Salem’s GONNA find out .-. she literally has eyes everywhere <_<

And then we see RNBW+May show up to the Schnee Manor so they can help Nora. Whitley isn’t happy to see them but seeing as he got Myrtenaster put in his face he quickly agreed to let them stay there 😊. While Weiss Nora and May are going to, presumably, a guest room, Ruby and Blake have a brief conversation with Blake saying “You know if you’re worried about Yang you can try calling her 🙂.” And we find out that Ruby DID try to call her, which is cute.

After that the scene changes to reveal team JYR found shelter, good :3 and that Yang found something to fix the damaged bike that she and Jaune were on, also good ^_^. Jaune TRIES to talk to Ren but it doesn’t work because Ren is too busy being angry at the world. Which... Don’t get me wrong, fair. I’d be angry too. But if my friend, practically my brother for how long? 2, 3 years? Was trying to tell me to try to open up, I’d open up to him. Like, maybe he was a little uncomfortable with Yang being there, but after Jaune said “Hey the more you bottle up your feelings the worse it’s gonna get.” Ren immediately went outside, so he could’ve gestured Jaune to follow him so they could talk. But they didn’t. Instead, Yang and Jaune talked ^_^ So I mean I’m okay with this lol. Yang asks Jaune “Do you think she thinks less of me? For not going to Atlas...” And Jaune says “Ruby is your sister. She’s gonna love you even if you disagree 🙂.” Which is true :3. But Yang wasn’t talking about Ruby. She was talking about Blake. Which is interestiiiing ooh bees :3

So the episode after the Jaune and Yang talk, Jaune saying he wants to go to sleep but can’t stop thinking about Oscar, and Yang says not to worry and she’ll be sure that Ren doesn’t “Brood himself to death” which I found funny lol. After she says that, the camera pans to the ground to some cracks in the ground. Which then rumble. So................. Damn it Ren your angst is gonna cause another giant Grimm to appear >_>

[thelastspeecher]

6 - Birb Guck AU (or if that's too on the nose, feel free to pick a different AU I just am fond of wings)

6. Wings

Okay, so, the wings prompt ended up being more hinted at than explicitly being a major part of this ficlet.  But I mean, the birb Gucks have wings, and this is all about the Gucks being birbs, so…

(also this ended up being a lot longer than I planned, so I put half of it under a read more)

Prompt List

——————————————————————————————

              Stan stomped onto the porch andshook the snow off his boots.  He dug thepostcard out of his back pocket to make sure he was at the right place.

              Yep.  Looks like.  He knocked on the front door.

              “One moment!” a voice called.  Stan looked around, taking in thesnow-covered ground, the beat-up truck in the driveway, and movement at theedge of the nearby forest.  He squinted.

              What the hell is scampering aroundover there?  Squirrels?  No, too big. Raccoons, maybe?  The dooropened.  Stan stopped trying to identifythe local wildlife.  He looked at the manwho had answered the door.

              “Hello, Stanley,” Ford saidawkwardly.  Stan stuffed the postcardback in his pocket.

              “Hello to you, too.  So, what’s going on?  You just sent me a card saying I need to come,but didn’t say why.”

              “Yes, well…”  Ford trailed off.  He swallowed. “It was something that needed an in-person explanation.”

              “All right.  Can we have this conversation indoors?  I’m freezing my balls off here, Ford.”  Ford rolled his eyes at Stan’s choice ofwords, but stepped to the side, allowing Stan to come in.  Stan walked inside.  “You really went for that whole mad scientistaesthetic, didn’t you?”

              “Not for long,” Fordmumbled.  He closed the door.  “I’ll need to start childproofing my homesoon, so much of this will go into rooms that aren’t common area.”  Stan stared at him.

              “…Childproofing?” he asked.  Ford nodded. He clasped his hands behind his back.

              “How are you at babysitting?”Ford asked.  Stan opened and closed his moutha few times.  “I recall you sneaking awaya few times during high school to visit Carla while she was babysitting.”

              “Yeah, but I wasn’t actuallybabysitting, I was just there to help,” Stan said.  He shook his head.  “Back up. You’re- you’re a dad?”  Fordturned red.  “There’s no way you got somegirl pregnant.”

              “It’s- it’s complicated.”

              “Holy Moses, I-”  Stan looked away.  “That’s why you wanted me to see you?  Just so I could babysit your rugrat?  And here I was, thinking you might wanna burythe hatchet.”

              “Stanley-”

              “Y’know, you coulda just hiredsome teenage girl.  I dunno if they allhave to, but Carla said a lot of girls do special classes before they start babysitting.  I don’t really know shit about kids.  I’m just good at keeping them entertained.”

              “Fiddleford is more than willingto show you the ropes.”

              “Who the hell is-” Stan started.

              “But we need a long-term babysitter,”Ford interrupted.  “Someone we cantrust.  And…I know we’ve had ourdifferences, but you’re the only person I trust enough to watch my child,” Fordsaid quietly.  Stan rolled his eyes.

              “Bullshit.  You just want a free or cheap babysitter.”

              “Stanley, just-”  Ford ran a hand through his hair.  “Follow me, and you’ll understand what Imean.”

              “If you say so,” Stan muttered,stuffing his hands into his pockets.  Hefollowed Ford back towards the front door and then up a nearby staircase.  They arrived at an attic landing.  Stan looked around the room.  “So, what, is this the nursery or-”  He fell silent at the sight of what couldonly be described as a large nest made of pillows and blankets, tucked into acorner.  Nestled in the center of thenest, surrounded by what seemed to be a pile of brown and red feathers, was alarge egg.  Stan closed his eyes.  “Ford…”

              “I know how this looks,” Fordsaid quickly.  Stan raised an eyebrow athim.

              “Like you’ve lost yourmarbles?  Yeah.  That’s an egg.  Not a baby.”

              “When it hatches-”

              “I’m not a zookeeper, Ford!” Stansnapped.  Ford scowled.

              “Let me explain.”

              “I don’t know what bullshit weirdscience stuff you get up to here, but I’m not gonna watch whatever hatchesoutta that egg, okay?  Knowing you, youfound a way to bring dinosaurs back and that’s a fucking T. rex.”

              “Stan-”

              “I can’t believe you had me comeall the way here for this!  I was inArizona!  I came from T-shirt and shortskinda weather to a goddamn blizzard.  Fora fucking egg?” Stan demanded.  Fordrubbed his face.  Out of the corner ofhis eye, Stan saw movement.  He lookedback at the nest.  The pile of feathers nextto the nest was moving.  Stan steppedback, nearly treading on Ford’s toes.  “Whatthe hell is that?  Is that whatever laidthe egg?”  The feather-covered thing stoodup, revealing itself to be not the vicious dinosaur-like monster Stan had beenimagining.  Rather, it looked human.  If humans were covered in feathers, hadtalons for nails, and had eyes that were completely black.

              “Please do not refer to my partnerin that manner,” Ford said.  Stan stared athim.  “Stanley, this is Fiddleford.  He’s my…” Ford swallowed nervously.  “Myboyfriend.”

              “You-”  Stan looked back and forth between Ford andthe bird-person Ford had said was named Fiddleford.  “What the fuck is happening?!”

              “Fiddleford belongs to a speciesnot native to this planet.  A fact I wasunaware of until he laid the egg you see in the nest,” Ford said in amaddeningly calm voice.  Stan kneaded hisforehead.  “He can adopt a form that ishuman in appearance, though has preferred his natural form while spending timein the nest.”

              “I…”  Stan squeezed his eyes shut.  “There’s too much going on here.”

              “I suppose it would be overwhelming.”  Ford put a hand on Stan’s shoulder.  “Let’s go talk in the kitchen.  This might go down better with a beer or two.”

              “Fuck beers, I need some hardliquor to deal with this,” Stan croaked.

              “I have some of that as well.  Come along.”

—– 

              Stan stared at Ford, sittingacross from him at the kitchen table.

              “You came here to studysupernatural weird shit?” he asked. After ushering Stan back downstairs and giving him a glass of whiskey,Ford had launched into an explanation of why he was in Gravity Falls.  Ford nodded. “And you came here because it’s got the most supernatural weird shit?”

              “The most anomalies, yes,” Fordsaid, clasping his hands in front of him. “Should you agree to stay here, you will come across many of theseanomalies yourself.”  Stan rubbed hisforehead.

              “And the bird guy upstairs, Fiddlesticks-”

              “Fiddleford.”

              “Whatever.  You met him here?”

              “No.  We were college roommates.”

              “How the fuck would a college letsomeone covered in feathers go there?”

              “I told you, he has a secondaryform that resembles a human.  He utilizesthat form when going out in public. Until recently, I didn’t even realize he wasn’t from this planet.”

              “He’s a weird thing but he’s notfrom here?” Stan asked.  Ford shook hishead.

              “Anomalies tend to gravitatetoward this region, but they can be found elsewhere.”

              “Okay.”  Stan took a long drink from his whiskey.  He set it back down on the table with a smallsigh.  “Tell me about this thing with theegg.”

              “Like I said upstairs, Fiddlefordisn’t just my research partner.  He’s alsomy-”  Ford’s voice cracked.  He cleared his throat.  “Fiddleford is my- my boyfriend.  Approximately a month ago, he began behaving oddly.  He built the nest you saw upstairs and sleptwithin it instead of our bed.  About aweek after he built the nest, he brought me upstairs and showed me theegg.  He then explained to me that he hadlaid it, it was our child, and that he was not from Earth.”

              “Goddamn,” Stan muttered.  Ford cracked a small smile.

              “Precisely.”  Ford watched Stan closely.  Stan frowned at him.

              “What?”

              “I’m just- you don’t appear tohave any reaction to Fiddleford being my- my-”

              “Ford, I’ve known you were gaysince sixth grade.  Chill.”  Stan shrugged.  “It’s kinda weird that he laid the egg, Imean, I might not have been that good at biology, but I always thought gals hadthe eggs.  But he’s an alien, so-”

              “Yes,” Ford said quietly.  “Our reproductive systems aren’t that different,however.  Otherwise reproduction wouldnot have occurred.”

              “Ah.  I get it.” Stan leaned back in his chair.  “I’vemet a couple people like him.  Guys whoused to be gals.  Gals that used to beguys.”  Ford stared at him.  “People like that end up on the streets alot.  And I’ve been on the streets prettymuch since Pops kicked me out.”

              “…Right.”  At the sound of footsteps, both Stan and Fordlooked over.  In the entryway to thekitchen was a gangly man with sandy blonde hair, carrying the egg fromupstairs.  “Fiddleford, I was wonderingif you would join us.”

              “I thought it’d be right to dothat,” the man said, taking a seat at the table, resting the egg in his lap.  “I feel awful bad ‘bout startlin’ ya likethat, Stanley.”  Stan stared at him.  “Stanford told ya ‘bout my human form, right?”

              “Uh, yeah.”

              “Well, this is it.”

              “Cool,” Stan mumbled.  Fiddleford looked at Ford.

              “How’s the conversation goin’?”

              “I was just about to explain whywe were asking him to babysit for us,” Ford replied.  Fiddleford nodded and made a “carry on”gesture.  Ford cleared his throat.  “A few days ago, Fiddleford and I realizedhow much care and attention the egg and eventual child needs.  We can take some time off here and there, butfrom what Fiddleford has told me, his species raises children communally.  As such, hatchlings require around the clockcare.  Something that we will not be ableto provide.  At least, we won’t be ableto provide it if we wish to continue our research.”  Stan leaned forward.

              “You don’t just want ababysitter.  You want a nanny,” he said.

              “That would be a better way todescribe it, yes,” Fiddleford said.  Stanchewed on his lip.  “We understand if youhave a job or relationship or somethin’ else that would prevent ya from stayin’here to help, but Stanford felt that you were our best shot.”

              “…I don’t have either of thosethings,” Stan said.  He straightened inhis chair.  “I also don’t have a lottacash.  I can’t exactly move into anapartment here.”

              “No, you’d stay with us,”Fiddleford said quickly.  “We’d provideroom and board in exchange fer yer help.”

              “That sounds like a pretty sweetdeal, not gonna lie,” Stan said quietly. He grimaced.  “But, like I said,Ford, I don’t know shit about taking care of kids.”

              “Don’t worry, I’ll be helpin’ yawith that,” Fiddleford said.  “I need toteach Stanford, too.”  He shrugged.  “And even if ya did know how to take care of kids,I’d still need to give ya some lessons. Hatchlings have dif’rent requirements than human children.  Groomin’ is dif’rent, diet is dif’rent, and,of course, there’s flight lessons.  But I’dbe handlin’ that.”

              “Flight lessons?”

              “We have feathers fer a reason,”Fiddleford said in a very matter-of-fact tone. “Again, I’d handle that.”  Stanwas silent.  “Well?  Are ya willin’ to babysit?”

              “Nanny, you mean,” Stansaid.  He chewed on the inside of hischeek, thinking.

              This is weird.  But this weirdness is better than beingchased down by loan sharks and trying to sell shitty infomercial crap.  Stan sighed.

              “All right.  I’ll do it.”

[avengerscompound]

Nestlings

Nestlings: A Birbs Fanfic

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Word Count:  2645

Warnings:  Canon-typical violence, smut (Bi MMF threesome, oral sex, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering)

Synopsis:  The three birds of the team like sharing puns and other things.

Nestlings

“Birds, I really need the three of you to back out of there right now.”  Tony’s voice comes in over the comms.  You look around the bunker you were currently fighting your way through for a way out.  It is filled with Hydra agents and they just keep swarming in through the only available exit.

“If there was a way to do that, I’m sure we’d all love to oblige, Tony.”  You reply, in your sweetest voice.

There is an exasperated sigh through the coms.  “Take cover.”

The warning is brief.  Sam runs over to you, his wings out.  They fold into their shield position just as he gets to you and a massive hole is blown into the roof.

“What the fuck, Sam?  Where was my cover?”  Clint complains, now covered in dust and sporting a few more cuts but still firing arrows into the group of Hydra agents.

Sam folds his wings back in and pulls out two handguns, firing into the swarm.  “Less of a tragedy if your face gets fucked up.”  Sam retorts.

“Hurry up in there,”  Tony says over the comms.

You sigh.  “Cover your ears, my fellow birbs.”

Clint and Sam scramble to block their ears.  Clint taking the extra precaution of turning his hearing aid off.  You start to sing.  It’s not a song exactly, just you sending out instruction melodically, but the sound that emits from you is that of a choir.  A symphony of voices coming from deep within you.  “It’s time to sleep all of you.  Put down your weapons and lie down on the ground.”

The HYDRA agents all start lying down on the ground.  Your little trick won’t last long but it will give you time to extract yourself.  Clint grabs you by the wrist and drags you over to Sam.  Sam is looking dazed and his knee has started to bend like he’s about to lie down.

“Not you, Sammy.”  You sing.  He snaps out of the stupor he had fallen under shaking his head.  Clint wraps his arms around you and Sam grabs him under the shoulder and takes off.  Exiting the bunker through the ceiling.

“God, Hawk… lose some damn weight.”  Sam complains as he glides over to where Steve and Bucky are fighting back to back.

“Me?  It was Canary that had the extra chimichanga at lunch.”  Clint retorts.

“We could use some avian backup over here?”  Steve’s voice comes through the comms sounding exasperated.

“Caw caw, motherfuckers!”  Clint shouts as Sam drops you both to the ground and a massive explosion flattens the building behind you.  Sam and Clint both start firing at the agents surrounding Bucky and Steve.  You fight your way through them, hand to hand, unwilling to risk your abilities when so many of your team are in the vicinity.  With the explosion of the bunker, the HYDRA agents don’t seem to be putting up much of a fight anymore.  It isn’t long before you have them all subdued and the other agents come in and start arresting people.

You stand, leaning against Clint, holding your side as SHIELD move in.  “Gave myself a stitch.”  You pant.

“For a little bird, you’re getting good at the punching thing,”  Clint says.

“Aww, thanks.  I’ve been practicing.”  You say.  “Maybe I should change my call sign.  Ravens are technically songbirds, right?  I’ll be a raven.”

“Nah.  You’re a canary.  You’ll always be a canary.”  Sam says, sidling up to you.  He leans in and puts his arm around your back.  “Besides you know us big birds eat little birds right?”

“Well, that sounds exciting.  I’m sure it will make me sing.”  You retort.

Clint starts laughing and squeezes your shoulder.  “I think you should change your name to swallow personally.”  You pull a face and elbow him.

“If you three are gonna keep flirting do you think you can take it off air.”  Tony complains through the comms.  “I’m having trouble keeping my lunch down.”

This makes Clint laugh even harder and he ends up doubled over clutching you.  Sam leans over and pats his back.

“Come on lovebirds, get on the jet already,”  Natasha says as she passes the three of you.

“Woah, come on now.  Lovebirds is pushing it a little far.”  Sam says as the three of you follow after Natasha.

“You know you love me.”  You say, jumping on Sam’s back.  You start kissing his neck and cheek.  “Say it.  Say you love me.”

“I will absolutely not say it.  Stop being a pest.”  He says, but instead of shaking you off, he hikes you up a little higher so the backpack containing the wings doesn’t dig into you too much.

On the ride back to the compound you and Clint lean against each other in the back of the jet while Sam talks shop with Steve and Tony.  You doze off for a while and wake up as the jet touches down into the hanger.

“Bit tired, baby bird?”  Clint asks, pressing his lips against your head.

“It’s the flying.  Tires out my arms.”  You joke, getting up and stretching.

“Not too tired I hope,”  Clint says, smacking your ass.

You laugh and take his hand.  “For that?  Not ever.”

There was a debriefing that takes way too long.  You and Clint keep signing to each other while Steve and Sam give you the murder eyes.  Sam has to stay back to go through things with Steve so you and Clint make your way over to his apartment.  Lucky greets you both wagging his tail.

“God, I’d murder a pizza right now,”  Clint says, patting Lucky briefly before going and pour himself what is almost definitely cold, stale coffee.  “Fuckin’ compound is too far from anything.”

You drop down into the couch and Lucky jumps up beside you putting his head in your lap while Clint starts digging around in the fridge.  “How is it that your apartment always looks like someone robbed the place?  There are cleaners!”

Clint shrugs.  “Maybe the cleaners rob the place.”  He comes out of the fridge empty-handed.  “I’ve got nothing in here.”

“I wish Sam was here.”  You sing the sound fills the room and Lucky cocks his head while Clint grimaces.

“Don’t do that.  Now I wish he was here too.”  Clint says, shaking his head like he’s trying to clear it.

“Shit sorry.”  You say.  “Clint Barton is free to have his own thoughts and feelings.”  You add in song.

“Still wish he was here.”  Clint grumbles, flopping down on the couch beside you.

You touch his nose. “That’s all you, feathers.”

“Distract me.”  He says, leaning into you and wrapping an arm around your waist.

You run your hands through his hair and kiss him.  His tongue traces over the corner of your mouth.  You part your lips allowing him entry and meeting his tongue with yours.  Clint clicks his fingers and points to the recliner and Lucky hops off the couch and reluctantly moves to the other chair.

Clint unzips your catsuit and his hand slips into your panties.  You let out a soft gasp against his lips as his fingers tease your folds.  He doesn’t let you pull back.  The kiss just becomes hungrier.  He sucks at your bottom lip and a rumble forms in his chest.

His fingers circle around your entrance before sliding up to your clit.  He draws random patterns and you start whimpering into his mouth.  You spread your legs wider for him as you hold on around his neck to stop yourself falling backward.  His pushes two fingers inside of you and slowly starts fucking you with them.

You start to moan, your fingers digging into Clint’s neck.  He breaks the kiss and you rest your forehead against his, breathing heavily as you look into his blue eyes.

“Watch the talons.”  He growls, as his fingers touch down on your g-spot and stroke over it.  You moan and tighten your hand more.

Clint continues to fuck you with his fingers, maintaining a steady pace as he drags his digits over your g-spot and rubs his thumb over your clit.  Your legs shake.  You pant, each breath in mixed with the breath he just let out.  He keeps his eyes locked with yours.  “Let it happen.”  He breathes.

Your orgasm breaks and you arch back as it takes hold of you.  You cry out and your legs tremble and clamp down around Clint’s hand.  Clint continues to stroke you as it washes through you.  The door opens and Sam steps through.

“Did you assholes really start without me?”  He whines, shutting the door behind him.  He’s holding two pizza boxes and the incredulous expression on his face nearly makes you crack up laughing.

“Hawkward.”  Clint jokes.  “Here you can have these if you like.”  He says, pulling his fingers from your cunt and offering them to Sam.

Sam sits beside you tossing the pizza boxes on the coffee the table.  He takes Clint’s hand and slowly sucks his slicked fingers.  His eyes fall closed and he hums in pleasure.  “Seems like Clint’s been taking pretty good care of you, baby bird.”  He says, letting Clint’s hand go and looking at you.

You nod lazily.  “Where’d you get the pizza?”

Sam snort laughs.  “Tony sent one of the Iron Legion out.  It’s got some issues caused by g-forces.”  His hand goes to your breast and he rolls his thumb over your nipple.  “Shall we go to the bedroom?”

“The what?”  You ask.

Sam sighs, shaking his head.  “Shall we go to the nest?”

You jump up suddenly.  “To the nest!”  You cry.  Clint jumps up too and you both flap your arms and make crow sounds.

“No touching that, pizza dog,”  Clint says, pointing to the pizzas before you both flap your way to the bedroom.

Sam gets up and tosses a slice to Lucky before moving the boxes to the counter and flapping down after you and Clint, screeching like a bird of prey.

When you get to the bedroom you hastily work your way out of your catsuit and kick it across the room before jumping on Clint’s bed and crawling up to the middle.

“Eager little robin aren’t you?”  Clint asks as he starts unbuckling his uniform.  Sam pulls his t-shirt off and comes up behind Clint, unzipping the front of the suit.  Clint leans back against Sam’s shoulder and they kiss.  Sam’s hands slowly slide down Clint’s arms, pushing the suit down.  When it’s fallen to the floor, his hands move to his pants, unbuckling the fly.

Sam steps back and removes his own pants.   He lays down on his back and beckons to you.  “Come perch up here, little bird.”

You walk over to him on your knees.  “You gonna eat me now?”

He smirks at you.  “Don’t worry.  It won’t hurt one bit.”

You straddle his face and his tongue slithers between your folds, lapping up and circling your clit before rolling back down and curling over your entrance.  It creates a warm tingle in your cunt that slowly spreads out through you.  Clint crouches between Sam’s legs and runs his tongue up Sam’s length.  Sam moans against you.  You put your hands on his chest and feel the rumble against your hands.

You and Clint keep your eyes locked on each other.  You roll your hips against Sam’s face as Clint bobs up and down on his cock.  You feel a second orgasm nearing and Sam pushes his middle finger inside of you.  He curls it and strokes as he sucks and nips at your clit, pulling it into his mouth and running his tongue over it.  You brace yourself on his chest and come.  Your head falls forward and you see Clint slowly suck the length of Sam’s cock, letting it fall from his mouth with a graphic sounding pop.

Sam taps your leg and you climb from on top of him.  You sit on your knees and watch as Sam sits up and Clint kisses him hungrily licking all of you from Sam’s lips.  You slowly inch your way forward and when you’re right up close to both of them they pull apart and Sam guides you so you straddle his lap.  You lower yourself down onto his cock, guiding it deep inside of you and start rolling your hips against him.

Clint comes up behind you and sits with his legs bent on either side of you and Sam.  He kisses your neck and his hands roam over your body.  They settle on your breasts, pinching and pulling at your nipples.  It increases the buzz running through you, and you moan leaning against him as you continue to rock on Sam.  Clint moves one had to Sam, flicking it over Sam’s nipple.

Sam leans forward and he and Clint kiss over your shoulder for a moment.  The sound they make is wet and graphics and they each let out little hums of pleasure before Sam moves to your neck and starts sucking hard enough to bruise.

Clint tugs on your nipple before releasing it and letting his hand move lower.  It strokes over your belly and between your legs.  He makes a v shape with his fingers around Sam’s cock stroking the base of his shaft and tickling his balls as he runs his thumb over your clit.

It’s too much for both of you.  As Sam’s hips snap up into you with his release your core clenches with yours.  Your legs feel weak and you feel slightly light-headed.  Sam slips from within you as he runs his palms down your neck and over your chest.

“How’re you doing there?”  Clint whispers, pressing his lips to the pulse point below your ear.

“Hmm…” You hum.

“Who should I fuck do you think?  You or Sam?”  Clint asks, earning a laugh from Sam.

“Me.”  You murmur.

“You sure about that?  You’re sounding pretty spent.”  Sam asks.

You shift turning to face Clint and straddling his lap. “I want both of your come inside me.  Mixing together.”

Both Clint and Sam make sounds somewhere between hums and growls.  “You are such a dirty bird.”  Clint scolds, as he teases your folds with the head of his dick.

He sinks his cock into your swollen heat as Sam moves to kneel behind you.  You lean back and he kisses you as he toys with your nipples.  Clint rolls his hips up into you, pulling back before snapping quickly back into you.  Sam breaks his kiss with you and he and Clint kiss again.

All you’re able to do is cling to Clint as he fucks you and Sam supports your weight.  Sam’s fingers go to your clit and you want to tell him you can’t.  That it’s too much, you’re too sensitive.  Instead, you come.  You curse loudly and your body jerks back into Sam.

Clint is brought over with the clenching of your cunt.  It milks him and he releases in hot ribbons, mixing with the fluids of both you and Sam.

“Oh god.”  You groan, slithering off Clint’s lap and falling on the mattress.

“No, that would be Thor.”  Sam teases, lying down beside you and wrapping you in his arms.

“Yeah.  We’re the birds remember?”  Clint adds, lying down on the other side of you and draping an arm over you both.

“Mm… my little flock.”  You hum, sleepily.

“Your little nestlings,”  Clint adds, nuzzling into your neck.

“Your little lovebirds.”  Sam finishes, pressing his lips to your forehead.

You chuckle.  “I knew you loved me.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Alright.” Sam reluctantly agrees.

You smile and kiss his neck.  “We should eat that pizza.”

Clint jumps up suddenly.  “Oh shit yeah!  Hawkeye out!”  He says and takes off to the door, leaving you and Sam laughing in the bed.

[vaguely-concerned]

Let’s Read Victory of Eagles; the Prepare to Cry About William Laurence Edition

earlier temeraire let’s reads (yes I’m sticking with it)

- oh man starting with temeraire’s pov is such a good call, I don’t know if I could take getting plunged straight into laurence’s misery without some (very slight) levity first 

- lol and also crey @ laurence gently reminding these young guys how to keep him prisoner 

- temeraire on his way to revolutionize dragon politics after one damn month... I’m so proud ;___; on the other hand him thinking laurence is dead is... nope not processing this laurence is fine let’s not worry about it

- SURPRISE THARKAY! BEST KIND OF SURPRISE 

looool he just keeps coming to get laurence and finding him embroiled in some fresh catastrophe... I’m sorry ur bro is in another castle/war camp/ship wreck/prison tharkay you’re a champ for tracking him down again and again

- He has a new birb!!! good stuff. this part of them walking through the quiet ruined town is really striking too

- laurence feels like he can be just himself for the first time in months huh... cool cool cool

- “You and Temeraire would be welcome in other parts of the world. You may recall there is some semblance of civilization,” he added dryly, “in a few places, beyond the borders of England.”

fsdakhfdasdfsaflj a) I love him so much b) I  g u e s s  Tharkay kind of just asked Laurence to run away with him in his low-key sardonic way... super triple extra cool cool cool extremely admirable even if he and everyone else in the world knows it to be doomed 

resting his hand on his shoulder because he knows Laurence is gonna be Laurence about this... yeah okay just punch me in the heart

- tfw the guy you sort of have a thing for is determined to get himself killed for a government you feel exactly zero personal loyalty to and now you have to watch his back 🙄

- lol laurence is like ‘I’m not gonna start a fistfight’ 

five minutes later: granby pulls laurence out of a fistfight he started because someone talked shit about his dragon

- aw demane and sipho! good boys bein’ good boys 

- temeraire reciting principia mathematica to himself and changing his voice so he can pretend it’s laurence reading to him... that is under the belt naomi novik that is just mean

(all the funnier/more heartbreaking for knowing laurence has no fucking idea what he’s reading out loud when it comes to that book and would never have touched it if temeraire didn’t love it so much)

- “Oh,” Temeraire said, and sat back on his haunches. He was not quite sure what to say. “I am very sorry?” he offered, uncertainly. He supposed it must be very unpleasant to be a coward.

fjfjghfgj how is he so darling

- tbh perscitia is very much me when it comes to fighting; I too am small and slow and cripplingly overly aware of all the ways things can go wrong which everyone seems happy to overlook

- as a professional tharkay spotter: he is in fact present in the proceedings right now, he arrived at the same time as granby and had one (1) line of dialogue! I am not sure why everyone’s talking about this napoleon fella instead of specifying to me what precise dragon he hitched a ride with or what kind of babysitter arrangement he has put in place for his birb but y’know I’ll take what I can get

(there is a peculiar sort of satisfaction in getting reeeeaaal attached to a side character; this reminds me a lot of being nine and scrupulously scanning every page of a harry potter book for mentions of sirius, no matter how peripheral or inconsequential) 

- all of temeraire’s dragons are pure gold tbh, I especially like majestatis and his laconic competency (I may have a type)

- temeraire not getting why laurence isn’t responding to him quite as he should and laurence basically getting his affairs in order... William Laurence if you break both our hearts I will never fucking forgive you this is my stern voice

- adding a second (and tonally very different) pov is such a genius move at this point in the story; it really breathes new life into everything. 

- lady allendale is the real mvp, you can really see a lot of laurence’s good sides in a straight line from her to him

- oooooooooooooooooooooh roland dropping some truth bombs on laurence for being so very very honorable and so very very dumb

thank you jane I guess at least he’s pretty

- having to read laurence trying to convince all the people who love him to basically let him kill himself is extremely upsetting and I Do Not Care for it

- temeraire absent-mindedly putting ‘coming up with some way to let laurence live as long as me’ on his ‘to do’ list is Everything

but also he doesn’t even realize how wrong things are with his captain and I want to curl up in a ball. no bb no one is going to take him but he’s halfway through taking himself out :(

(I will say that there’s something about laurence’s incredible inflexibility and self loathing that is very relatable, which is probably why I’m so mad at him and also so scared for him. incidentally one of hanzo’s traits I really identify with. anyway onwards)

- ah of course granby was kidnapped I was wondering when something bad would happen to him in this book

- “You are not obliged -- ” Laurence began.

“No,” Tharkay agreed civilly, with one raised brow, and Laurence bowed and left it there. 

fdsfdklsalkjhfkjasdhfjkadshdsfhksdfjakh how... how can anyone be so impossibly lovely and so sarcastic in one word... my heart feels so full

but also ow b/c I think tharkay does see the state laurence is in and it must be extremely stressful to look out for all the swords your bro is determined to throw himself on 

- oF ALL THE DOORSTEPS IN ALL OF LONDON THEY HAD TO END UP AT LAURENCE’S EX’S how many mirrors has this poor man broken to end up here 

- oh uh wow I think I just murdered woolvey’s shitty racist ass with my mind I never even knew I had the power

- Tharkay seeming to suss out the whole Situation here at a glance... *prayer hands emoji*

-  Tharkay shook his head, and when Laurence looked at him said quietly: “It must be difficult to follow an officer of public repute, in the affections of a woman who loves courage.”

...

“My reputation is hardly one any sensible man would covet.”

“It does not name you a coward,” Tharkay said. “Whatever has Bertram Woolvey done?”

as observed completely impartially except for that one awful enormous crush he is developing lol

- oh no... woolvey died... this is... terrible.... *insert ‘shocked’ captain kirk reaction image here*

okay it does put edith in a genuinely awful situation, which super sucks. everything around her is like the one part of laurence’s self loathing that is sort of justified: he’s been making her life so much harder for so long. first she had to worry about her not-even-husband-yet getting lost at sea and he seems pretty emotionally distant, for all that he can be sweet, then he adopts a dragon and she is SUCH AN AFTERTHOUGHT to him in that process (because, as I have discussed earlier, william laurence should just not ask people to marry him b/c he never. actually. means. it. he just thinks he should I think)

and then, after finally disentangling herself emotionally from that she manages to marry a dude who’s a twit, but a twit who by all appearances treats her well and she’s happy -- and then Laurence shows up for three fucking hours and her HUSBAND IS SHOT DEAD 

most of laurence’s guilt is the useless self-flagellation of depression, but in this one case I’m a bit more ‘yeah okay valid bro’

- Laurence’s tendency to describe, in minute detail, what some dude is wearing even under the most dire of circumstances is so endearing. (also he barely ever does it with women; usually it’s like ‘and she was wearing idk a dress?’ lol)

- laurence’s superpower is inspiring people’s affection and loyalty and then wondering why they’re all not cool with him throwing himself off a cliff

- is tharkay like basically a scottish lord on his dad’s side and has been fucked over by either the system or the rest of his family. are you fucking kidding me jfksadflsadfj

- oh. oh okay that’s the king that’s super extra salt in the wound for our golden boy :I

- NOOOOOOOOOOO TEMERAIRE THINKS LAURENCE MIGHT BE ANGRY WITH HIM!!!!!! LAURENCE YOU BEAUTIFUL USELESS DUMBASS PLEASE SNAP OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSION LONG ENOUGH TO TELL YOUR DRAGON SON YOU’RE NOT ANGRY WITH HIM OR SO HELP ME I’LL... CRY AT YOU I GUESS

- okay so this is all very bleak and... borderline war crime-y and laurence is clearly In A Bad Way but also demane has just put every scrap of clothing he could find on his little brother, who now can barely walk for all the layers but is presumably nice and warm, and my heart is doing strange things in my chest

- “Laurence, what are you doing?” 

*ELMO SURROUNDED IN FLAMES GIF* MY BOY THARKAY BEING THE REAL MVP ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

this whole scene is so brief but so good fkdslahfaklsdhfaskld laurence literally slipping back out of dissociation and noticing the smells and sounds around him again... this is So Much, tharkay you fucking miracle of a man  

- there is something incredibly interesting about how laurence is just viscerally terrified by the things tharkay seems to represent to him -- that’s at least twice now that he’s thought straight out, in pretty much the same words, that tharkay’s way of living seems achingly lonely and untethered and frightening to him. (the first time is in black powder war, just as he’s about to give the offer of friendship that tharkay seems equal parts confused and touched by lol) laurence has this intense need to be part of something bigger than himself and doesn’t trust himself to know what’s right (...even tho he’ll historically still occasionally go off and do The Right Thing despite orders anyway because he’s a beautiful idiot), while tharkay obviously puts freedom and autonomy faaaar above any of that (understandably, from his background lol) 

and still it’s exactly this dude who woke laurence up to himself again and reminded him who he really is. this is the man he knew he’d be ‘sorrier to lose than yet I know’ and gooooddamn if he wasn’t right about that. I’m not ready to be coherent about it yet but uh wow this is A Lot

- the way novik writes laurence dissociating is. a bit too close to home, I’m not thrilled about this haha 

- LAURENCE IS TALKING TO HIS DRAGON SON AGAIN AND I CAN FINALLY BREATHE THANK YOU THARKAY

- also let me specify that tharkay coming in and ending laurence’s breakdown by just showing him that he, y’know. doesn’t have to commit borderline war crimes if he doesn’t want to is... yeah. when he’s like ‘yeah no bro I like you and all but this is fucked up I’m out’ and Laurence slowly puts the pieces together and goes ‘...that... is an option? F U C K’  is the Good Stuff (I’m being flippant about it but also I really mean it lol)  

- temeraire is giving the french uniforms the side eye for being boring and admiring the kilts... god bless him, focusing on the real things on the eve of battle

- gOD lien is so fucking COOL, celestial who actually knows wtf she’s doing OP pls nerf

ETA: also I’ve looked up some spoilers for the rest of this series (b/c there’s a couple of characters now who I’m so attached to that if they die I don’t even fucking care anymore lol), and apparently they never get to fight lien/meet her for too long again and can I just say... What The Fuck, why would you come up with such a compelling antagonist and not use her???  

- Tharkay, straight(hah)-faced: yeah I’m coming with you to australia on this prison ship nbd just curious about it that’s all 

Laurence, blinking back tears, barely getting the words out: cool bro 

(I think laurence has been like. crying or on the verge of crying in every single scene he and tharkay have been alone in this entire book. tharkay saw laurence through an ugly ugly divorce (with the government of england if not the land) and is still going with him to fucking australia. that’s how you know it’s love tbh, he’s done for)

also for the meme: AND THEY WERE SHIPMATES! OH MY GOD THEY WERE SHIPMATES!

ALSO also: tharkay getting granby a drink fdsafjsalkdjfh best boy, best friend 

- not connected to anything but I do appreciate that laurence is a rare extremely extroverted protagonist. he just really needs people around him and sort of wilts when he’s isolated, whether by circumstance or his own Stuff.  

- Oh man I really liked this one! the pacing worked better than the last one, the dual pov really shook things up, the new dragon characters were cool and Laurence had a lot of character development that has been in the cards since book 1, even if it was really upsetting while it happened. and Tharkay was there a lot, which is the surest way to my heart at this point, to be fair. 

[catastrophe-conglomerate]

Elemental Affairs - Session 5 Summary

Night has fallen in the Defiant Ship, silence crawls through the halls until the air suddenly carries a horrible scream and the sounds of a struggle. Lara and Rei, being elves, don’t need to sleep and hear the racket going on upstairs. They immediately run over to see what’s going on.

In the guest room where Blatrenn is, Auk is confronting him with their rapier drawn, in another attempt to end Blatrenn’s life. Rei and Lara manage to hold them off barely, though Auk still wants to kill him and is seconds away from just going through with it.

At this point, Lynnae wakes up and sees that Auk is no longer in the room with her. When she hears screams upstairs, she assumes the worst and runs over immediately, only to find things exactly the opposite of what she expected. Luckily, she manages to cool Auk off enough, telling them that she has a plan and that she needs Blatrenn alive for that. She takes them back to their room and waits until morning.

Once downstairs, Lyn distances herself from the group and keeps glaring at Hadall and Trick: the situation from yesterday hasn’t quite blown over and she distrusts them greatly.

Hadall takes Trick and the toddler aside and he starts talking to the child. She’s a fire-genasi tiefling with tiny little tusks and she’s absolutely adorable. When Hadall asks about where the child lives, she just answers with a happy “home!”. She also describes her home as “green” and with many “birbs”. Hadall asks for her name: she can say it, but it comes out a little fucky. She says “Kaya Covinus”, and Hadall’s face tightens immediately. In order to help her calm down and have fun, Rei casts minor illusion and makes a bird for Kaya to play with.

Now Hadall starts talking to Trick: he’s interested in the reason Trick gives out so many fake names to others. Not just that, too, the massive scar on Trick’s side has also piqued his interest. Trick explains how she had a reputation of playing harmless pranks in her hometown, until one day her family home burned down and she got the blame for it (despite the fact she witnessed goblins burning her home down). Her parents and siblings all perished in the fire and Trick was arrested. She broke out of prison and has been on the run ever since. She doesn’t know if there’s anyone still after her. Hadall asks her if Trick is her real name, to which Trick answers “it is now.” Trick spent some time in the circus, traveling around and performing. She misses that life.

Trick, in return, has some questions for Hadall: she’s wondering about the name that Rosa first addressed him with (Kuvan). It’s one of his names. Hadall reveals he’s from Fass, from a little village called Glynshyr, which Trick has visited with the circus once, at least a few years ago.

Lynnae butts into the conversation at this moment, telling Hadall and Trick that they still have something to discuss with her. Lyn wants to make it very clear that she will not appreciate being “fucked over” like yesterday, at which Hadall starts yelling that he wasn’t really the one fucking her over, but that she fucked over the team instead. Lyn’s convinced Hadall could have stopped her in a different way. They shout about matters of trust, how Lyn doesn’t dare trust Hadall anymore and, in return, how Hadall’s afraid that he can’t trust Lynnae in stressful situations because she’s practically a ticking timebomb. At this point Lynnae turns to Trick, asking her what the fuck she was thinking threatening her with her biggest fear. Trick had absolutely no clue that the threat of being charmed was that bad for Lynnae, and neither did Hadall. Hadall cools off a little and tells her that if he had known this would upset her so much, he never would have taken her hostage. Trick tells Lyn she still would have used the threat out of a wish of survival, to “do what must be done”. It was the uncertainty and loss of control that got Lynnae in such a state of stress in the first place.

Just as Lyn starts losing her shit again, Trick casts Calm Emotions and dispels the anger immediately. Both Hadall and Lynnae feel better at once. Hadall tells Lynnae to, next time, at least try to restrain herself a bit better, to which Lyn says that she has always had the tendency of exploding at these moments. They talk about how Lyn should think of the good of the group more. Hadall assures Lyn that he only means well, and that he never would have taken her in if that weren’t the case. With promises of improvement, the two finally make up and Lynnae gives him one of her business cards, but instead of “I’m sorry for the way my party treated you”, it now says “I’m sorry for the way I treated you”. Lyn admits that she wouldn’t be alive now if not for Hadall, and she gets up from the table, announcing that she needs Hadall, Trick, and actually the entire group including Rosa and Blatrenn.

The group reconvenes, and Lynnae says she wants to interrogate Blatrenn. To prove her trustworthiness she gloves her hands, and promises not to hurt Blatrenn unless he gives her a valid reason, even asking Hadall to hold her back if she blows up again.

Lynnae pulls out a list of questions and starts the interrogation.

 Who of the five missing children from Pasekar are dead? Blatrenn didn’t ask their names. And where were the other three taken? The remaining three children of Pasekar are with Vurryl in Trestyr What are the chances they are still alive? Blatrenn has no clue. There is a chance but that’s it. Were you the one who killed them? He was. What is the name of your cult? There’s no official name, but they call themselves the Followers of the Many Eyed. Any subdivisions or anything? No more subdivisions apart from Vurryl’s and Falk’s. What is your deal with the Gold Dragon of Wyntir? That was Hykaril’s business. Is this related to why you use Draconic for your writing and communication? It’s the language of magic and it’s unrelated to Hykaril’s fascination for the Gold Dragon. Is Hykaril’s hunting party still out there and are their crystals connected to the same set as ours, considering they belonged to Hykaril’s group? Hykaril’s group was very small and he depended on Vurryl and Blatrenn a lot for the hunting. Blatrenn doesn’t know who else can listen in on us. What was the spell Kauthrien enchanted you with? Blatrenn doesn’t know what it’s called. He describes it as being commanded. Kauthrien repeatedly told him to “not disobey her”. You mentioned in your diary that you and Kauthrien had a meeting here in town a while ago. When was this exactly? A few weeks ago What was it about? In order to “reassure her orders”. Blatrenn was enchanted one year ago, and during the meeting the spell was cast on him again and renewed in that sense. Anything about her behavior that struck you as odd? Not weirder than usual. Is there a possibility she’s still closeby? He has no idea.

Now this is where Lynnae gets down to business:

How do we contact Kauthrien? There’s a possibility you can only do it with Kauthrien’s face in mind, but Blatrenn’s not sure. You do, however, have to focus on her. Can Kauthrien spy on us through the crystal or does she have other means to do so? What are the chances we’re being watched? He has no fucking idea man. He mentions she probably knows magic for it but he doesn’t know anything for sure. Is there some kind of code language you use for communication through crystals? There is, actually! The enchantment placed on him prevents him from talking about it, but through another game of hangman we figure out that the greeting is: “May his eyes be on you”, and the answer to this should be: “May his tyranny reign true.” When does Kauthrien usually expect a “call”? Kauthrien is the one who knocks. She usually calls her underlings instead of the other way around.

 With this, Lynnae finishes her interrogation and turns to the rest of the party, at which she starts proposing a plan for ambushing Kauthrien by contacting her. The rest of the party quickly shoots the plan down: it’s too risky. Lynnae then yells that if she has to die again, she’d rather do it for her friends – she then immediately gasps and covers her mouth. Hadall starts questioning her about her slip-up but she refuses to say anything else.

We start discussing out next move. Although we want to head to Fass and Suald as soon as possible, Rei still has business in Tyreh. Therefore we first decide to go to the Kaydan-ter island to visit the monastery they want to go to.

That, however, means having to go on the seas again, setting Lynnae back into an anxious rambling spree. When Hadall and Trick tell her that hey, at least she didn’t die last time, she goes awfully quiet. Considering what she accidentally revealed before, Hadall puts two and two together and asks her if she drowned, to which she nods.

We leave for the docks then realize, yo, we’ve still got Kaya with us. Bad idea to take the toddler out to sea, of course, so we decide to leave her in Rosa’s care and pick her back up on the way to her home in Fass. Blatrenn offers to sail us to and fro on his own fjullgan, an offer which we gladly accept. There’s a problem, though: the islands of Tyreh float around on the water along with the tides and currents, and it’s almost impossible to map the region because of that. We have no idea where to go. Since there might be places where they sell maps of the Tyreh currents or otherwise have information on how to pinpoint where Kaydan-ter might be right now, we decide to split the party and take a look around town.

Trick, Hadall, Lynnae and Auk go to the library. The friendly dragonborn librarian guides them to the geographical books section of the library and the group starts looking around. They find what seems to be a sailor’s book with information on the currents and tides of Tyreh, and with his knowledge of sailing Hadall starts trying to figure out where Kaydan-ter is right now. Lynnae copies the relevant information in her notebook.

Meanwhile, Laraëssil, Rei and Cassandra are in Melora’s Gifts, the general store of Tyressil. Lara gets her hands on a beautiful tidal chart made for sailors, while Rei buys a component pouch while they’re there anyway.

We converge on the docks once more, and using Lyn’s info and Lara’s map he manages to figure out Kaydan-ter’s general location. We set sail and start heading to the monastery’s island. In order to distract herself Lynnae starts working on a health potion. The first day of this journey goes without a problem but the second day we lose our way for a moment as a thick fog sets in and a ghostly ship comes into view. On the side of the ship, it says “The Rotten Dahlia”. It must be the phantom ship that the tavern in Tyressil was named after. Blatrenn mentions it happens more often, and as the fog lifts we correct our course and boat on.

On the third and last day of this journey, Trick takes Hadall to the side and out of earshot for a moment. She expresses her concern for Lynnae’s loyalty and how she might use the crystal anyway to contact Kauthrien. Despite the fact they don’t trust Lynnae at all with her crystal, they feel they have no choice but to leave her be.

We reach the tiny, tiny island of Kaydan-ter in the evening and we see a beautiful white building on there. It’s the monastery we have been looking for and immediately, an enormous goliath man approaches and greets us. Rei gives him a tiny package which holds a golden statue of Pelor, the deity Rei reveres. The goliath is happy with it, and invites us in to stay the night and eat. He introduces himself as Master Kindarian and he brings us to the main part of the building, beautifully decorated, and in the evening rays of the sun the floor lights up in an intricate pattern. We dine (it’s… not great food) and head over to the dorms to sleep.

However, in the middle of the night the two Trouble Tieflings decide they haven’t had booze in a while yet and they want to get drunk, so they get out of bed and start nosing around in the kitchen. Though someone takes notice of them, they’re quick enough to duck out of the way and remain unseen. There’s no booze in the kitchen, so they head over to what seems to be a storage room for ceremonial supplies. There. Is. No. Booze.

So they exit and are immediately caught in the act by a monk, a human man. He takes them back to their dorms, and though the two tieflings again try to escape and look for booze, the hallway is now being guarded and – persuaded by a very cranky and sleepdrunk Lynnae – go back to sleep.

We wake up and eat breakfast the next morning (again… not that tasty) and head out towards the docks to return to Tyressil immediately – no time to waste. The Master of the monastery bids us goodbye and tells Rei they’re always welcome amongst them (and of course, because we’re assholes, we all say “amonkst” us). On the way to the docks we get to see some of the monks’ daily activities: it seems like they’re a much more fun-loving monastery than Rei’s. There’s some kind of training area where monks are sparring with each other, and there’s actually some monks RUNNING ACROSS THE WAVES, RACING EACH OTHER LIKE D&D JESUSES. There’s a very light and cheerful atmosphere, standing in stark contrast to the monastery in Solitude where Rei is from – there was a much more serious and gloomy atmosphere there, almost cold, like everything in Kyllm.

We get back on the waves to go back to Tyressil. Lynnae finishes her healing potion on the way, but that’s about the most exciting thing that happens in the three-day-journey. We hit land again on the evening of the third day, planning to pick up Kaya and leave with the ferry right away. However, as we ask the dockmaster when the next ferry leaves, he tells us it left yesterday and the next one won’t leave for another week. Blatrenn offers to bring us to the port town of Terstys, where we started our adventure in Tyreh in Session 3.

Trick and Cas head to the Defiant Ship to pick up Kaya, and Cassandra gets herself three bottles of booze for the road. In the meantime, Lyn takes Auk to the side and asks them how they’re holding up: it’s not going great. Lyn also admits she doesn’t know if she can stay friendly with Blatrenn for much longer, at which Auk assures her that they have her back if she decides to attack him.

We decide that since Terstys is just a few hours away by boat, we can make the trip now and just arrive at dawn so we can head back into Fass first thing in the morning. We get back on the boat to make our way back to the port town. On the boat, Lynnae realizes that the crystal she sent to Kara must have arrived in Parshyr right about now, and she doesn’t like that her elder sister still hasn’t contacted her.

We reach the shores of Terstys in the early morning. When discussing where to bring Kaya, Trick says we don’t really have a name to go on but Hadall begs to differ: he recognized what Kaya was trying to tell him before. When saying her name, Kaya didn’t say “Kaya Covinus”, she said “Kaya Corvinius”. The Corvinius family is a big merchant family Hadall knows very well, and they have a huge manor near the town of Fjynlen, about 5 days walking from Terstys.

Trick asks how Hadall knows the family, to which he answers that he used to work as a mercenary for them, but he didn’t quite leave them on good terms. One day he just up and left, because it didn’t work out according to him. The rest assures him that it might be good if he brings back the kid, because it’ll help his reputation a fair bit.

The town of Runar is on the way to the Corvinius manor, and Lynnae wants to stop by to see how the watchtower is doing because Blatrenn crystal-bullshitted to his hunting party that after being ambushed, he fled to Hykaril’s old base. When asked where the hunting party is right now, Blatrenn mutters into his crystal to ask and find out and learns that his hunting party is in the very north of Suald, in the town of Parwyn. This startles Lyn to the bone but she refuses to tell why. As Lara makes a telepathic connection and asks if there’s anything life-threatening going on, Lyn replies that there very well might be.

Though tired, we make quite a bit of progress on our first day. We make camp, Lynnae starts on an ointment against sunburn and Rei goes squirrel hunting. Since Rei has double the walking speed of a squirrel and hella good Dexterity, they eventually manage to catch a live, wild squirrel, they stash it in their bag, and name it Bøbiël (this is a massive inside joke but okay we now have Bøbiël the squirrel).

On the second day of traveling something Lyn has feared for a while comes to pass: the crystal around her neck makes a crackling noise and a female voice speaks the words “May his eyes be on you”. Lyn distances herself from the group, then with Alter Self turns herself into the wood elf Aerith Araynore to change her voice. She answers Kauthrien’s call with “May his tyranny reign true”, and thus the contact is established.

Kauthrien is obviously not amused with “Aerith” having taken Warden Hykaril’s crystal. Aerith tells her that she was poking around the Runar watchtower a while back to look for rare herbs and stones – as she is a potionmaker – and she stumbled upon the dead bodies of Hykaril and his underlings in the ritual room. Intrigued by the stones, Aerith took them and next found some documents in the office that detailed how to use them. For a moment, things seem to be going in the Conglomerate’s way but the second Aerith says that this went down three weeks ago, Kauthrien’s demeanor seems to shift. She calls this fact interesting, thanks Aerith for the information and tells her: “The Many Eyed will be watching you”, and proceeds to break contact.

In an anxious rant Lynnae relays to the party what happened, but as we discuss what just took place and the possible consequences of this, Blatrenn steps back a little as he too receives a call. Since he answers in Draconic and no one speaks Draconic here, Lynnae casts Comprehend Languages to hear what he’s saying.

Kauthrien is definitely onto us. She interrogates Blatrenn, using the enchantment to force the truth out of him. Blatrenn is forced to reveal that he’s with us, and that we were the ones who killed Hykaril and his entire division. Kauthrien apparently orders him to kill us next: Blatrenn drops contact, asks us to knock him out, and draws his swords.

The battle is ended within 3 seconds: Cassandra gets the first strike, Blatrenn then attacks her back but Trick – with a fantastically executed Inflict Wounds – knocks him unconscious at once. We tie him up and take his crystal, at which Lyn realizes the gravity of what’s going on and stresses out. Cas and Hadall tell her to take off the crystal or hand it over, at which she gets defensive and says that she needs her crystal. Hadall reminds her that she should work with the team more, Lynnae snaps back that she is working with the team by keeping her crystal and protecting the others from Kauthrien’s contact. The rest seems to be worried that, since Kauthrien was able to control Blatrenn through the crystal, she might also be able to control Lynnae after establishing contact. Lyn’s adamant that she’s safe because it technically wasn’t her who answered the call. If Kauthrien would have been able to see her, she would have seen a wood elf.

Trick wakes Blatrenn up, he seems to no longer be under the direct command that he must kill the party. We offer to destroy his crystal but he tells us it’s even more suspicious if he suddenly falls off the radar altogether. Hadall proposes Blatrenn returns to Tyreh alone with the crystal, but that would also put him in extreme danger. As we go back and forth, proposing ideas to keep both Blatrenn and the party in relative safety from Kauthrien, Lynnae commits another attempt on Blatrenn’s life, using a subtle spelled Burning Hands to make it look like she had a wild magic surge (ironically, she actually does get an actual wild magic surge while casting the spell and her age reverts to 18). Despite the fact it looked like a surge, Hadall sees through the deception quite easily (Lyn just uttered the most sarcastic “whoops” of all time) and he berates Lyn for breaking the promise she made before. He then picks up Kaya and legs it away from Lynnae – he does intend to keep his promise of not hurting the sorceress.

It’s an awkward evening around the campfire. While Kaya has no idea what’s going on and is happily playing with Hadall, Lyn and Trick keep sharing distrustful glances. Rei even tries to steal Lyn’s crystal but she notices them and slaps their hand away.

Although there’s once again a tension lingering within the party, the rest of the journey goes well and after three more days, we reach the iron gates of the Corvinius manor, decorated with great black crows. Hadall now turns towards the party with a nervous look on his face: there’s something about the Corvinius family he needs to tell us. He reveals that he was at first working for them as a mercenary, but he then married the heiress of the family and left her rather suddenly a few years ago…

…meaning Kaya Corvinius might in fact be his daughter.

[jeremyknox]

i was tagged in 3 tag games in the last day or so and instead of making 3 separate posts in which i tag much of the same people, i decided to consolidate. i love you all who tagged me.

uh....idk if i have anyone to tag? you guys kind of covered everyone i WOULD tag. i guess @flowerparrish, @colormekorrasami, @jordanetalaredead, @megayest, @twin-ace, @lakesandquarries, @peachy-shrimp, and @hotdamnlookatthispan.... if any of these look interesting, you should totally do them!

okay everything under the cuuuuut

tag game number one: tagged by the sweetest human, @carrie-frances

what’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum? this is a tough one? currently i’ve been singing You by Keaton Henson a lot and also Ophelia by The Lumineers. Let Her Go by Passenger is another goodie for singing lately. Oh and Lost Boy!!!! by Ruth B.

what’s your favourite flower/tree/plant? I love nature wow. My favorite tree is definitely a Weeping Cherry Tree or Willow. My favorite flowers are sunflowers and roses! Plants in general, I just really love cacti? It’s a product of having family I adore in Arizona haha

what do you always doodle? hm... cats, mostly

how do you take your tea/coffee? With plenty of splenda and some milk

favourite candle scent? Vanilla, mostly. just sweet things

what perfume do you wear? body sprays from bath and bodyworks, usually vanilla or peach

what’s your go-to dance move when you’re alone? i have zero clue haha

favourite quote? i don’t know off of the top of my head! perhaps the one i have tattooed, from star wars. “luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

favourite self care routine? putting on good smelling lotions. reading a book. snuggling oliver. calling someone i love.

fuzzy socks or house slippers? both! but mostly fuzzy socks

what colour are your eyes? just plain ole brown

what’s your favourite eye colour on others? idk? i think blue or green but i adore brown eyes on everyone

favourite season? why? autumn, i like the colors and the clothes and the smells

cheek, neck or nose kisses? cheek! but the real MVP are forehead ones

what does your happy place look like? the beach but without all the people. or a quiet forest with light filtering in

favourite breed of dog? i’ve always loved boxers the most, and cavaliers

do you ever want to be married? if so, what colours would you pick for your wedding theme? yes, i think i do? i don’t know what colors, it’s always changing. i think it depends on the person i’m with because their input would matter. i’d want the colors to be whatever colors they think of when they see me and vice versa

cursive or print? it’s a solid mix but mostly print

favourite weather? raining and warm, but not thundering

tag game number two: tagged by the amazing @dancyon

— What was your last…

1. Drink: iced tea

2. Phone call: my aunt calling with some hard news

3. Text message: my aunt with an update

4. Song you listened to: love me by the 1975

5. Time you cried: yesterday and i’m gonna cry later today @ love, simon

6. Dated someone twice: yeah

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: for sure

8. Been cheated on: by two different people, apparently im easy to cheat on

9. Lost someone special: sadly, i’ve lost a few

10. Been depressed: lmao got that good good depression goblin

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: god yeah whoops sorry friends

— Fave colours

12. purple (any shade really)

13. blue (any shade really)

14. soft yellow

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: ahhhh!!!! yes i have ♥

16. Fallen out of love: hhhhhhhhhh

17. Laughed until you cried: probably

18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh yeah

19. Met someone who changed you: yeah, in more ways than one

20. Found out who your friends are: idk???? kinda yeah

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: uh i think i have my ex still

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: majority

23. Do you have any pets: my boy @ollycat and then my dogs and cats @ my parents house

24. Do you want to change your name: i actually did but now i’m back to my birthname bc being NB is one big ???? of what do i want 

25. What did you do for your last birthday: oh shit well w my friends i got drunk on rum, dressed up like a pirate, and played d&d. and then fam was the usual cheesecake factory adventure

26. What time did you wake up today: uh around 8 something officially?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i fell asleep before midnight? if not i was watching Critical Role

28. What is something you can’t wait for: my next tattoo!!

30. What are you listening to right now: just the sounds of my grandparents house

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have an ex named Tom and a Grandpa named Tom

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: just like....everything about this breakup and stuff i guess

33. Most visited website: god uh...tumblr and twitter????

34. Hair colour: naturally a dark brown with some reddish in it. it’s currently died as close as possible to that

35. Long or short hair: medium?

36. Do you have a crush on someone: no currently i’m avoiding all romance like the fucking PLAGUE

37. What do you like about yourself: i’m pretty tenacious

38. Want any piercings: nah, i’m more the tattoo type

39. Blood type: ..............why

40. Nicknames: bird, birb, kbird, kbirb, broseidon

41. Relationship status: single

42. Sign: aries

43. Pronouns: they/them

44. Fave tv show: on air right now it’s b99 and the good place. in general, buffy and gilmore girls

45. Tattoos: i currently have 6 and i want sooooo many more

46. Right or left handed: left!!!!

47: Ever had surgery: tonsils and stomach yeah

48. Piercings: none

49. Sport: none currently but football (soccer) will always have my heart

50. Vacation: currently in arizona!! i’ve been all over though, i miss mexico a lot

51. Trainers:  what does this....mean....like.....shoes???????

— More general

52. Eating: currently nothing? 

53. Drinking: iced tea currently

54. I’m about to watch: LOVE, SIMON AGAIN BITCH!!!!!!!

55. Waiting for: life to feel right

56. Want: a nap, like always

57. Get married: okay your answer of “if i get past my commitment issues and find someone that loves me, sure” was fucking perfect

58. Career: teacher!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: taller

62. Older or younger: older

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms

64. Hookup or relationships: relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: nope

67. Drank hard liquor: hell yeah

68.Turned someone down: in high school yeah. and like once in college

69. Sex on first date: ........im an ace baby

70: Broken someone’s heart: supposedly

71. Had your heart broken: mhmmmm

72. Been arrested: nah, just brought home by cops

73. Cried when someone died: yeah, i cry at everything but especially death

74. Fallen for a friend: ..........only friends tbh

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: trying to? cullen says my heart’s vibranium

76. Miracles: some days i do

77. Love at first sight: probably not, i used to though

78. Santa Claus: not anymore

79. Angels: i’d like to

— Misc

80. Eye colour: brown!

81. Best friends name: i mean..... jenny, ellie, michelle, and cullen? plus like max and jor, of course

82. Favourite movie: i guess the princess bride is the Most Favorite of All

83. Favourite actor: my MAIN MAN, hugh jackman

84. Favourite cartoon: danny phantom right now

85. Favourite teacher’s name: in HS it was mrs haley and in college it was dr trainor....grad school so far it’s been jen lynady

final tag game: tagged by the cutest, @blurredmxnds

bold the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory (lmao about some things???)

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else 

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year (on and off)

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have at least 15 CDs (somewhere in my things)

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (i JUST ended my thing w this)

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone (just a toe)

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

[fanficwriter013]

The Ties That Bind (Part 11/11)

Pairing: Clint Barton x Reader

Summary: Clint makes it his mission to win you over. He succeeds, but you don’t believe in marriage. Can the two of you stay together without the promise of wedding bells in the future? What about when the two of you are forced to go undercover as a married couple?

Word Count: 1615

Warnings: Civil War spoilers, sarcasm, it gets real dark and real angsty. Platonic Tony/Rhodey feels

Author’s Note: The end, and this is all for Kate, @emilyevanston She loves birbs.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 /

It’d taken most of the ride to the drop point for you to convince Clint that you’d be okay going in by yourself. He was reluctant to leave you alone so soon after you had finally been able to communicate again. Especially when he knew that you’d been having some a hard time in your own isolated cell.

“You're not going to lose me, I promise.” You tell him, as you sign ‘I love you.’ He quickly signs it back, before pulling you into him for a deep kiss.

“We're at the drop zone,” Steve calls back, and you separate from Clint. You grab the flying squirrel pack that you're going to use for your jump.

“To be continued.” You say slowly and deliberately so Clint can read your lips, as you sign ‘I love you’ to him again. You turn quickly and run off the end of the deck. It took some fun maneuvering around trees to land just outside detection by Vision. The rest of this was up to you.

You skirted around the outside of the bubble that you knew Vision was able to detect. You needed to get down into the tunnels, but the clock would start ticking the second you got inside. The air was still and quiet until the leaves started to rustle. You turned and found yourself face to mask, with Iron Man.

“Tony, are you in there? I could really use to talk to you. Right here, right now.” You say, and the face mask peels away so you can talk to Tony.

“First, how's Rhodes doing?” You ask, shifting your weight on your feet. Tony shakes his head.

“Cut the crap, (Y/N). Why are you here and why shouldn't I turn you back over to the Raft, right now?” Tony snaps at you, and you'd been pretty prepared for that.

“For one, because of the absolute arcane torture, they were putting me through with that paraplegic treatment they had me under. You should know better than anyone at this current moment how fucking crappy that feels. How helpless you are.

Then we have the matter of this mess. The Avengers are a family. And a Zemo was able to come between us, with a few words and carefully conducted bombings.” Tony starts to open his mouth to argue with you but you cut him off.

“I'm not finished. Yes, Steve is partially at fault for this. But so are you, sweetie. The Avengers are a gray area. And the two of you made this about absolutes. Did you read the accords? Because there was so messed up shit in there.

Like you know how on the Raft, they wanted to take my L1. It was a condition in the accords. I would have had to have signed them and come back had I wanted to keep the use of my legs. Did you catch that one?” You ask, and you can see that you're getting somewhere.

“I'd be missing a vertebra, Tony. The normal hospitals can't deal with that sci-fi shit. Do you know where'd the leave me? In a medically induced coma, until the common folks science could catch up. You wanna talk about bullshit. Do you know what that would have done to Clint? You had better because you're feeling it right now, with an awake and hopefully recovering Rhodey.

Now, what about the twins. They wanted to have Wanda registered as a weapon of mass destruction. Wanted to have her put in some sort of shock collar like she had at the Raft. Sweet little innocent Wanda.

And Pietro, I know the two of you were still working towards forgiveness. But Pietro saved my life, and they wanted to put him in special concrete shoes that were literally sewn into his feet. They didn't go that far on the Raft, but he was pretty much restrained the same as me. Just with an added electrical current to suppress his powers.

Those Accords were a shitshow, Tony. Come on, you have to see it. Let us come home. Work on rebuilding our family again.” Sure it wasn't exactly a well planned out speech. But it'd do better than nothing. Tony quirks an eyebrow at you.

“Oh, are you done now?” He asks, and you suppose that you deserved that reaction. Instead of saying anything, you just nod.

“First off, not my Accords. I can't just let you come back especially after the shit you guys just pulled on the Raft.

Second off, do you know what your Captain and his best old buddy did? What they knew and didn't tell me? He killed them. Obadiah almost killed me because of him.” It's clear that Tony is emotional. You knew that you would be too. But there's another way to look at this.

“Okay, Tones. Let me start by saying that I'm sorry for your loss. I know that finding this out restarts the stages of grief, and it can't be easy on top of everything else.

But, why don't we look at this from another angle? You remember how angry you were when you realized that Obadiah had been manipulating you. You changed your whole company after that.

Now, you've got Bucky. He's been ‘saved' by HYDRA after falling from a train. They immediately start working on manipulating him, using the fact that they had saved his life for their own sick and twisted agenda.

He was made into a weapon. He's trying to find himself again. Shouldn't you try and give him a second chance? Just like you deserved to be given a second chance.

And yes, I understand we're fugitives and shit. But this is Ross. The very same Ross that would have killed Banner years ago, had he gotten his way.

So, I do understand if you can't just invite us back. But, try and open your heart at least.” You finish, you'd been watching Tony's face, and you could see the exact moment when he realized what you were saying. The sickening realization that swept over his face for the briefest of moments, before he made his face blank.

“You're right. Savor that, I don't admit to those things often. And I do want to stick it to Ross, but I can't let you guys come back.” Tony says, and you give him a sad smile.

“I understand, give Rhodey my best.” You say, turning to take off.

“Can you tell them that I'm sorry. Maybe coming from you they'll believe it more.” Tony says, and you nod.

“Of course, take care of yourself. Call us if you need us.” You say, and take off running through the trees.

When you got to the pick-up point, you weren't alone. You were tired, your legs and back hurt. Your lungs had protested the lazy pace you'd done for the two-mile run. You just wanted to put your feet up, and wait for the boys to come pick you back up. But you couldn't because you were being watched.

You silently crept around the perimeter, not finding anyone. You kept your senses on high alert, as you pushed the door open and went into the tiny one-room cottage. You caught a glimpse of a back out of the corner of your eye and moved to attack before you stopped.

“Clint?! What are you doing here? I was going to take you down.” You sign to him, and he quickly apologizes. Tapping his ears to let you know his has hearing aids in. He grabs your wrist and pulls you into him.

“Don't ever scare me like that again, you idiot.” You tell him, as you pretty much collapse into his arms.

“It's so good to hear your voice again. Even if you did just call me an idiot.” He says, sweeping you off your feet. In a couple of steps, he's set you down on the bed.

“But you're my idiot. I married you, remember.” You tease, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down to you.

“That was probably a stupid decision really.” Clint jokes, as he carefully crawls into the bed behind you.

“Can we just - Okay bear with me for a moment here. We just got off the Raft, you just got your ears back, and I just got my feet back. I missed you. I missed everything. So can we just stay here for a bit all tangled together so I know this is real, and not just a dream.” You admit softly. Sure you'd been retired for the better part of a year, but the hardwired need to be strong and made of steel all the time was still there.

“Hey, look at me. We're safe, we're here. We're on the run, but you're never going to lose me. We're married, remember?” Clint says as he rolls you to face him. He runs his hands down over your back, as your legs become intertwined. You press your face into his neck and just breath in the scent of your archer.

You were woken up by a large hand, shaking you. Your eyes finally train in on Steve, and you work to untangle yourself from your archer.

“Sorry, Cap. It didn't quite work as I had planned it to. Tony sends his apologies, though.” You say, moving to sit up. Your back is sore, and your legs are a little wobbly as you stand up.

“It's alright, (Y/N). I didn't expect to be able to go home. This'll just be the end of the line for a little bit.” Steve says as the three of you head out for the quinjet. Wakanda would just have to be your home for now.

[marvelandponder]

I’M SCREAMING

We’re 3 months away from this glitter-bomb and they gave us some stuff to scream about. I think I’ll do just that. I took my sweet time putting this together, I know, but there’s a fair bit to unpack and a lot to be excited about so, let’s go through it all!

Animation

Okay, so first things first: people are calling this a 2D movie and that’s not really that accurate.

It certainly has some 2D elements, like the backgrounds, but the style of animation only makes the characters look 2D, when in fact they’re 3D models.

You can tell in how they move. If I were to give you a still screen shot, you might guess that it was from a 2D animation, but in motion, you can tell what it actually is: cel-shading.

I had a hunch that’s what it was so I asked a storyboarder who worked on the MLP movie (and the show) if I was right and she said: 

The program they’re using is ToonBoom, which does rigs with 2D toon shaders, among other things!

You know, I don’t often call things, but I fucking called it. Let me have this. Just to give you a quick definition from Wikipedia:

“Cel shading or toon shading is a type of non-photorealistic rendering designed to make 3-D computer graphics appear to be flat by using less shading color instead of a shade gradient or tints and shades.”

3-dimensional figure with cel shading, has the effect of making it  look 2D. Typically seen with thick outlines on the outside and little to no outlines on the inside:

(Team Fortress 2 itself isn’t normally cel shaded, but that’s a great example a fan made of what cel shading usually looked like when I was growing up)

Cel shading without outlines, as seen in Wind Waker. 

Like I said, just seeing this still image, it looks 2D, but watching it move, you can tell there’s a 3rd dimension to the character with the features and lineart mapped out onto the models to make it look 2D

Which by the way, is really unique for a major release! I don’t know about anyone else, but I was excited that MLP: The Movie seemed to be 2-D since there hasn’t been a domestic 2-D animated movie since Winnie the Pooh in 2011. 6 damn years! While I maybe would’ve ideally liked a completely 2-D animated movie, the backgrounds and the cel shading works in really neat ways, and it will definitely make the movie stand out 

The purely 3-D objects seem unfinished at the moment (but that’s not out of the ordinary, CGI seems to be one of the last processes). It needs texture or shading or something, and I can tell because most of the ship looks too soft (too much like a model) to be metal. I really think this will be fixed for the final product, but that’s probably the most jarring part of the style at the moment

Not all of the 3-D looks unfinished, but the best looking parts are still the painterly, 2-D stuff (look at those towers; they’re really stylized, but you can tell they’re 3D in a more 2D environment)

THAT DIGITALLY PAINTED VERSION OF CANTERLOT THOUGH:

The light effects are definitely 3-D in the fireworks and rainboom

Oh, and speaking lighting, so much of it looks so pretty! There are one or two times when the colours are slightly off, but the majority of the time it looks freaking gorgeous

You can kinda see by looking at Rarity that the shading is juuust slightly off here (kinda like they were for the teaser trailer), but then you look in the background and see this BEAUTIFUL background and Twilight all upset and worried about this invasion, and it feels like such a nitpick to worry about what will probably still be cleaned up before it hits theaters

We also get some really great expressions, so they’re not really limited by the 3D models underneath (if I’m right about that)

Also, just as one last little note here, the style is detailed enough to see little things about the characters we didn’t know up until now, like the fact that the spines on the side of Spike’s head are translucent, or that the colours of RD’s mane aren’t 100% perfectly separated

Overall with the animation, I’m so impressed not only by how gorgeous it is,but by how willing they were to take a risk and incorporate a 3D element in the form of  (I think) cel-shading. This only really matches the creative spirit of the MLP team, though. Whether or not you agree on how well they always execute everything, they always try to step up their game with every new season and push themselves to be and do better.

And while I will say that if some of the more 3D parts (yeah, I’m talking about the zeppelin/airships mostly) aren’t fixed for the final release, I would have a bone to pick with them, but I have faith that we’ll be seeing a much smoother integration of that 3D on the big screen.

Story and Character Details

I really appreciate that they didn’t outright spoil anything too big. It’s definitely a well-cut trailer! We basically only know about the same information we did before, with just a hint or two as to things like who the true villain is.

Just based on the focus given to these characters in the trailer (and what I know of the Storm King’s characterization in the first Movie Prequel comic that was just released), seems like he’s not as big of a threat as the commander of his fleet, Tempest. 

It’s a kind of villain we haven’t seen on the show or even in EQG, and not only that, but 

She’s got a fantastic voice actress behind her, so she can pull off the deliciously evil vibe well without, say, reminding us too much of Chrysalis or other powerful animated villains from Disney classics

Plus her design with the broken horn and her magic sparking up out of it is instantly intriguing to me: for such a powerful presence, it’s awesome to see her weakness (and most likely shady past) is always on display---especially for a commander character, that’s just really cool

Grubber seems to be pretty standard so far, nothing he’s done has really impressed me quite yet, but I’m hoping his best stuff is saved for the movie itself

The sky pirates (or skyrates) look like a lot of fun, and in context I can see how well the bipedal birb pirate blends with the universe (the bipedal designs were the ones I had the most trouble with)

On top of that, we have sea ponies at last! And they’re far more adorable than I ever could’ve hoped

The original sea pony designs from G1 looked a lot more like sea horses, with curling tails and fins on either side, but I think the meraid-ish look is both more marketable for Hasbro and more appealing to look at (the original sea ponies always seemed like a joke in the fandom to me, I admittedly never understood why people would actually want it in G4)

And a-ha! Good queens do exist! Poor Celestia and Luna. Always a princess, never a queen.

Oh, and Seaquestria? It’s freakin’ beautiful. I LOVE the rich blues and purples here. If you haven’t had a chance to check out the 360 image of the underwater palace complete with an excellent piece of background music, treat yourself.

The Mane 6′s sea pony designs are pretty dang adorable. I don’t have anything interesting to say, I just like the cute water horses, okay?

Minor Details and Incidentals

I’ll start out by saying Twilight’s narration in the trailer is pretty standard, but still heartwarming (mostly because I already know and love these characters though). It sort of reminds me of the bits of narration from the How to Train Your Dragon movies, although those had a bit more character to them. 

The what could possible go wrong? line, though. It just makes me laugh thinking of all the flashbacks we could have to the series. 

I guess she’s talking about that festival specifically that she’s organizing, and in that way it’s a show of character development (in a similar way to the character development on display in A Flurry of Emotions, where Twilight is told she’s late and doesn't have a panic attack or worry about what could go wrong... too much), but it’s still hilarious to contrast the idea that nothing could go wrong in Equestria to... literally all of the show. 

AJ and RD protecting their friends even before the others have gotten over the shock of whatever they’re seeing tho

Starlight and Trixie get a bit of screen-time together and it’s adorable. Starlight might be stuck in Canterlot for the duration of the adventure, but I’m glad to see her included. Characters like Discord who might be too hard to explain to new audiences are understandable losses, but even if Starlight’s cameo is brief, it’s good to see her role acknowledged

In terms of music, Sia’s looking adorable so far, and Lukas Graham’s as of yet unreleased Off to See the World sounds pretty catchy (it’s the song at the end of the trailer), so they’ve got talent behind the vocals!

Jumping back to little details, it’s neat how sea pony magic has a very distinct look from unicorn/alicorn magic. Also, the bubbles are really cute

And, okay, I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate how serious this ponk is. Can we all just stop and take a look, because in this scene Twilight’s saying how she’s the one Tempest is after, and she should probably face this alone, which seems to be our Princess of Friendship’s big dilemma in this movie, and Pinkie’s clearly trying to tell her she’s crazy

Gotta love that they didn’t just go for hyperactive comic relief Pinkie Pie; they don’t seem to be boiling down these characters to just one trait (which is partially why I loved the moment where RD and AJ defend the girls; RD’s ego will no doubt be on display throughout the movie, but you’ll also see she’s ready to lay down her life for her friends)

And hey, lookie here! Canterlot got a make-over... and a contractor. There’s more pink than there typically is and it doesn’t necessarily match what we’ve seen of it in the show. Especially places like the throne room:

And you know, I’m a little torn on this detail? It’s beautiful, and I’m digging the starry night mosiac they’ve got going on back there, but it would’ve been nice to see the throne room we know and love rendered in this new style, you know? I’m gonna miss the deep magentas and the stain glass windows of the Mane 6′s accomplishments. I know that’s mostly the fangirl in me, but I like seeing continuity nods back to the show (like hey look: Cadence gets a cameo!)

Unless Canterlot gets destroyed and subsequently rebuilt in the season 7 finale, in which case I’ll shut my mouth

Speaking of which, I still have to wonder exactly when this will take place in the series, or if it exists slightly to the left of canon like the Equestria Girls movies (which, I mean, I consider canon, but still). I know there’s ties into the comics, but I wonder if/when the show will acknowledge the events of the movie... I guess only time will tell

And for now, I think that about wraps it up! All in all, I’m beyond excited to see this thing, as anyone could’ve guessed. 

It should also be noted that a lot of kids movie trailers focus on the fun, comedic portions of the movie, so while I do think it’s mostly going to feel like this, I’m also looking forward to the more character-driven feelsy parts. As we well know, you can never get the full scope of a movie from just the trailer, but it’s usually especially true for kids movies.

Even just from what we have seen, it looks like we’re in for a ride. Can’t wait to get on.

Hey, if you’d like more MLP stuff, you can click right here to see my editorials or here for episode reviews. And if those links don’t look pretty enough, have the last three things I’ve done right here:

Parental Glideance Review, Celestia/Daybreaker Editorial, and LGBT+ Editorial

Year of the Pony

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 24: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: --Or Solus took a rib from Solus and genetically engineered his wife.

S: [laughing in the background]

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast!  An episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon.  I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs.

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 24, “A Prime Problem.”  Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Um-hmm.  And today we open with the Decepticons next to a freshly created glowing ravine.

O: They had apparently detected some sort of rare energy on their sensors.

S: Starscream, is completely ready to dive in headfirst, but Megatron stops him, as he cites that the energy could be unstable.

O: Once bitten, twice shy, eh, Megs?

S: [sighs] Megatron's decided he cares about his subordinates today.

O: [laughs]

S: The Decepticons apparently have a- kind of an equivalent of Roller, called an Autoscout.

O: This is actually kind of fascinating to me.  Not only because the name, ‘Autoscout,’ sounds like it should be an Autobot thing, but also because this is another cassette that Soundwave sends out, that's weirdly colored like Rumble for some inexplicable reason.  But I like that the normal cassettes like Ravage, um, Rumble, Frenzy. etc, they're all considered valuable enough they aren't used for shit like this.

S: The scout descends into the ravine, revealing that the energy is coming from some very large crystals, while Megatron, Soundwave, and Starscream, you know, exposition things.

O: Yeah, I know, it actually was a reasonably good usage of you know, like, the audio and the visual storytelling.  Uh, these things are Korlonium- okay, so, I looked it up this thing has an ‘R’ in it but I swear to god they sound- it sounds like they're saying ‘Colonium’ crystals…

S: It could just be an accent thing.

O: So, these things are Korlonium crystals, apparently?

S: Megatron says that they're deadly, and then the scout blows up upon contact with it.

O: You know, right on time.  Starscream suggests luring the Autobots into the crystals to destroy them, but Megatron says that Optimus would never be so reckless.

S: Well, I mean the  real and I'm gonna emphasize REAL here-

O: [laughs]

S: -real Optimus wouldn't.

O: And then Megatron had a terrible, awful idea.

S: Megatron decides to wait in his new, temporary base until the Autobots show up.

O: It's a giant rock.  I know it's supposed to look like a mountain, but guys it's a ROCK.

S: And then we see the Autobots arrived with Spike in tow.

O: Oh good, I'm glad we brought the human to this weird energy source that's probably giving him cancer as we speak.

S: Do the robots even know what cancer is?

O: Uhh, good question! [laughs]

S: Then again, who knows if any of this is any more hazardous than the Ark on a normal day, let alone sitting in Bumblebee who may or may not be radiating who knows what.

O: Or- or being anywhere near- near Wheeljack?

S: Yeah.

O: And thus, Cliffjumper attempts to do what he does best, jumping off a cliff and into the crystals.

S: Well, I mean he has to live up to the prophecy that is his name, because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

O: Indeed.

S: But Optimus advises caution, before Starscream shows up with several other Cons. Starscream here is super creative with his insults to Optimus.  Calling him Floptimus.

O: Why does that sound like a dick joke?  Better yet, why are you using a dick joke on Optimus?  Your boss is the one that turns into a phallic object.

S: He's jealous of their, um, relationship.

O: Obviously.  A fight breaks out, with Optimus almost immediately taking out the three Seekers.

S: He just dismisses them as opponents, while loudly declaring how bored he is to only be fighting three Decepticons.  And then Megatron has Soundwave reject Laserbeak to take out Optimus.

O: May one bird do what three Jets could not.

S: Upon seeing Laserbeak Optimus calls him a ‘tinfoil turkey’.

O: The bastard, be nice to my birb!

S: But Laserbeak shoots Optimus down a convenient adjacent ravine, free of electronic frying crystals.

O: Megatron then orders Laserbeak to take holographic scans of Optimus’s body, from  every  angle.  Megatron holds a perfect replica of Optimus Prime for  reasons.

S: And... Megatron also wants Optimus alive.

O: Oh lord, he wants a harem.

S: Maybe?

B: [laughs]

S: While Laserbeak is scanning Optimus, Megatron calls him um, photogenic.

O: Optimus is knocked out, ass up, and SOMEHOW that's photogenic!?!  Megs, buddy, NOOO!!!

S: [sighs]  A mere few button pushes later and Megatron now has an exact copy of Optimus Prime.

O: It fools Soundwave.  I have absolutely no idea why, it's not like Soundwave wasn't watching the monitors with the real Optimus on them at the same time is Megs.  He saw Laserbeak scan him!

S: To make this even sillier, Soundwave’s basically psychic.  Actually, I'm kind of wondering if he's performing surprise for Megatron's benefit.

O: Why though!?!  He shouldn't be surprised here! [dissolves into laughter]

S: Yes, but maybe it makes Megatron feel better to have his ego stroked?

O: I would believe that.

S: It's just to guess.  Megatron proudly proclaims that it's a clone.

O: We gonna talk about how Megs just uh, had this all ready to go or…?

S: I don’t know, it's the plot of the week.

O: Plot of the week, he’s got plans for it, I mean whatever...

S: He's just making use of stuff he already had.

O: [snorts]

S: He then puts on a silly helmet, that is of course purple, and now he can control everything the clone says or does.

O: Clone Optimus heads out to meet up with the Autobots.  The Cons retreat, and the Autobots head back to base.

S: Meanwhile, the real Optimus, who has apparently been left unsupervised, wakes up and climbs out of the ravine he was trapped in.  And at the Ark, Megatron apparently doesn't know anyone's name as he has the clone calling Ironhide, ‘Bumblebee’.

O: I really wish they got a bit farther with this gag.  Either having Megatron trying to impersonate Optimus Prime's voice or have Optimus try to have more of Megatron’s speech pattern.  Like, now I'm just wondering has anybody ever asked the two VA’s to do that? Because I would pay good money to see that! [laughs]

S: I'm kind of wondering how Megatron- how they don't have any goddamn information on any of like, their- the opposing faction because he should know.

O: He clearly know who Bumblebee is, in earlier episode.  That's the part that makes this make less sense.

S: Yeah. So, I mean, you think, you've been fighting a war against them, they're- like, their roster doesn't really change.

O: Yeah.

S: You’d think you'd know who the hell they are, if only so that you can properly you know, combat them.

O: Yeah, pretty much.

S: And yeah, Megatron also has absolutely no idea how to operate Teletraan I, despite the fact that he's had operatives going in and operating it and getting shit out of it, for how long?

O: At least a year.  The Autobots express worry about their leader but the clone uses the fall as an excuse for his ‘faulty memory’.

S: This seems like it would be a good reason for you know, Ratchet to open him up but apparently he's identical inside and out, through and through.

O: YUP, we’ll get to that! [laughs]

S: Yeah, and then the real Optimus shows up and the clone orders the others to shoot him.  But Ironhide stops them. Wanting to verify which one is the real one.

O: Which obviously the second one's the right one, because he doesn't even notice the other Optimus at first.  He's too busy expressing how happy he is that everyone made it back safe.

S: [sighs] The real Optimus.  Bumblebee has Teletraan I scan the two Optimi, but they come up as exactly the same.

O: [deadpan] Oh gee, if only sparks existed. [returns to speaking normally] I mean I’d assume that one of them wouldn't have one, right?

S: Well if it -if it did it would have weird implications for you know, their reproduction.

O: Uh, it has weird implications period, considering sparks are canonically a thing here, retroactively, by way of Beast Wars.

S: Yeah.

O: So, you know, that's the thing.  Apparently, we're going to do a series of tests to see which is the real Optimus out of these two.  Uh, the first of which is laser rifle skills.

S: Really guys, all you need to do is see which one knows how to use the damn computer.

O: [snorts] It's so true.  To make this dumber though, I'm not even sure which one is which in these scenes.

S: I'm not sure anyone is.

O: [laughs] The animators didn't know either!  The writers didn't know either! I believe it.

S: And instead of doing something sensible, like asking them questions, they decide to make the two Primes do a truck race next.  Oh, GODDDD-

O: Shockingly, these tests are inconclusive!

S: [sighs] But the Autobots have more important things to worry about.  The Korlonium crystals are about to explode and they've got to stop it!

O: This is apparently all going according to Megatron's plan, as the Cons are messing with Teletraan’s readings to lure the Autobots back to the crevice. Wait, one moment, he just said he didn't know how to use Teletraan but they know how to fool the fucking scanners?

S: I guess they can manipulate what Teletraan’s sensors are getting?  I don't know.

O: I suppose that's more likely.

S: Cuz I mean, Soundwave could probably do that.

O: Okay, I believe Soundwave could do that.

S: Megatron, Megatron, no.  Soundwave, probably yeah. Maybe Starscream could do something?  But apparently, he didn't know what the fuck they were so… I don't know.  Megatron is saying this while wearing the control helmet so does that mean the clone is saying all this shit out loud, as well?

O: Please, yes lord, please! [laughs]

S: I mean that would blow the cover like, really fast but apparent- unless everyone was super dumb, which I mean they are...

O: I MEAN, they do not have a good track record in this episode, let's be honest.

S: Sadly that would not appear to be the case, uh, with regard to talking out loud via clone.  Uh, when we get back to the Autobots, they are just about getting ready to roll out. But Ironhide tells the two Primes that until they're sorted out, he's the one giving orders around here.

O: So, still Peter Cullen? [laughs]

S: [laughing] Yes!

O: Peter Cullen does one other voice in this series regularly, it's Ironhide.  I do find this funny. When the Autobots arrive they are attacked by the Decepticons.

S: Megatron plans to have the clone order the Autobots into the deadly, deadly crystals, and of course the- in order to gain their trust he'll have to destroy one of the Cons.

O: Starscream doesn't just walk into this, he- he falls flat on his face into it.

S: [sighs] He swan dives.

O: [laughs]

S: Starscream is like, “I, Starscream!?!  The pride of the Cybertronian war academy!?!”

O: “This aft?  This aft, right here?  You want to offline this aft?”

S: And Starscream, you know, runs away, and flies out of the hideout, like a coward.

O: [snorts] I don't know if I really blame him, in all fairness.

S: True, I mean, considering how much he and Megatron fight, and how- how many times Megatron's probably told him he's gonna kill him and everything.

O: And vice versa. Megatron has Soundwave send Laserbeak after him.

S: While all this is going on, Spike and Windcharger find the entrance to the hidden base.

O: For being half Starscream's height, Laserbeak actually makes pretty quick work of him and just hauls him back into the base.

S: I am pretty sure Laserbeak is significantly smaller than Starscream, unless he was like mass shifted up here.

O: I- I don't know, I feel like when we saw it, it looked about half- like he was about half as tall or something but-

S: I don’t know, it’s- it’s weird.

O: -hell if I know.

S: Once Starscream’s dumped back in front of Megatron, Megatron says he intends to have the Optimus clone kill Starscream's clone, not Starscream himself.  This is important information that was left out.

O: And this is what you get for dicking around with people Megs, a squishy infestation.

S: Of course, once Starscream's been ah, cloned he sees something he finally loves more than himself, his clone!

O: Starscream gets his own dumb helmet to control his clone too!

S: Same hat!

O: [laughs] Spike and Windcharger attempt to get out after hearing Megatron's plan, but they are chased by Laserbeak.

S: Spike is, you know, captured accordingly and ah, Windcharger falls to his apparent doom.

O: Into the crystals, like, I feel that’s relevant.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, Soundwave is now babysitting the squishy.

S: Spike calls Megatron a, ‘Mega-rat’.

O: Just once- just once I'd like to hear these idiots say an actual zinger.

S: Back outside, the two clones face off one-on-one, mano a mano.  With Megatron congratulating himself on being a  brilliant  playwright for choreographing all this nonsense.

O: All I can think is just see- see, you let him write shitty plays, this war wouldn’t have happened!

S: Oh god, hes’ doing- he’s pulling a Loki from-

O: [cracking up] OH MY GOD, that's the fic we want and deserve!  Is Megatron wins, and all he does is put on shi- is put on shitty plays!  Headcanon accepted.

S: Self-aggrandizing plays and poetry.

O: Mm-hmm!  And then Optimus kills Starscream in cold blood, in front of a bunch of witnesses.

S: Oh boy, are they gonna feel super silly when Starscream shows up in five minutes.

O: Five minutes I think you mean immediately!?!

S: As the wind is blowing the dust of Starscream's clone away, um, Starscream still standing there, in the shot, with the two other seekers.

O: [laughs] So animation error, but in all seriousness, Megatron and Starscream actually work really, really well together here.  Proving they can do it if they try!

S: Um-hmm.

O: The Autobots are dumb, dumb, dumb, mothafuckers, reaching the conclusion that this has to be the  real Prime, because he killed Megatron's second-in-command.

S: Would the real Optimus kill Starscream in cold blood?  I think we've established that, no he the fuck wouldn't.

O: He can't even kill Megatron in cold blood most continuities.

S: Yeah.

O: Clone Optimus orders the bots into the crevice and the real one tries to stop them, but no one listens to him.

S: You're all so DUMB!  So, so DUMB!!! Why didn't you ask about prior experiences that you would have had with him!?!

O: Because that would make too much sense! [laughs]

S: [sighs]  Why? So much sighing...

O: [laughs]

S: Windcharger proceeds to drive up out of the crevice and is like, “Hey guys.  Don't fucking go in there!”

O: [laughs] I wanna point out that he survived because he apparently transformed into his alt mode before hitting the ground.  I don't know why that helped, because clearly that doesn't seem to help- because the Scout still blew up and it had wheels, but whatever.

S: It might not have had rubber tires, that’s the thing.

O: Hmm, okay.

S: Cuz, I think it's specified that the rubber tires somehow insulated him?

O: You know, this is- this is like, on par with them defeating uh, what's-his-face’s lightning in that other episode by being in car mode, but sure!

S: Yeah, the clone attempts to get everyone ah, into the crevice again, but finally fucks up enough that the other Bots catch on.  And it's when he calls Spike, ‘unimportant’.

O: Megatron was so close, he just lost his patience, man.

S: The Autobots finally turn on the clone sending him into the crystal crevice.

O: The Decepticons are blasting off again, and as they make their escape they just chuck Spike out a window.

S: Powerglide proceeds to show up, um, and showboats that rescue.  Spike should really be dead at this point.

O: Critical velocity and all that, because while Powerglide was showing off they got really close to the ground with that catch.

S: Yeah, and even if Spike er, Skydive-Sky-

O: Skydive?  [laughs]

S: Wrong- I mean right season, wrong flying Autobot.

O: [continues laughing]

S: Ah, even if Powerglide managed to like, match velocities with him- yeah, but still- he'd still splat-

O: Yup.

S: -unfortunately for him.  Um, back on the ground, Spike asks Optimus if it's really him and uh, then Optimus offers a rather silly response, but it’s- you know, it's cute.

O: “Yes Spike.  This time I am definitely me... or I.  Myself. Oh, whoever I am.”

B: [laugh]

O: And that's it for today's episode, join us next time for, “Atlantis, Arise!”  Uhh, so did you guys ever want to see the lost city of Atlantis with giant robots, jets underwater, and um... Washington DC?

S: Megatron takes over um-

O: A lot of things.

S: -Lincoln’s chair.

O: [laughs]

S: Yeah.

O: Megatron finds the  perfect chair.

S: Yep, too bad you can't take it home.

O: [snorts]

S: Okay, we have two- two fanfic recommendations for today.  Would you like to talk about them or would you like me to?

O: Yep, I can do it.  Uh, so, uh basically, I did both of these because I will use any excuse to talk about Shattered Glass.  (I apologize for nothing!) So, our two fics for today, uh, the first one is, “Mathematical Manipulation” by Merfilly.  The continuity is Shattered Glass, it’s G, it’s Gen there are no pairings. Characters are: Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, Shockwave, Frenzy, Optimus Prime, Rodimus Prime, and Thundercracker.  That is all of the Shattered Glass versions and in summary, “Megatron doesn't see the future, he just models it on probability.” The character or a rec this is based on is, ‘evil Optimus,’ and it's a one-shot.  Also, this makes more sense when you realize that Shattered Glass Megs is a math professor.

S: Which is indeed a fun thing.

O: Which I love immensely!  And our second one is, “Someone You Might Have Been,” by Astolot.  It's G1/Shattered Glass, it's rated T, it's definitely slash, uh, for Megatron/Optimus and our characters are: Shattered Glass Megatron, regular Megatron and Optimus.  The- in summary, “I didn't love him because he wasn't you.” And the character theme this is based on is again, ‘evil Optimus,’ but also Megatron and Optimus slash. It is a one shot.  It's also one of the only Astolot fics I can recommend, so I was like, we're gonna put that here! [Because we’ve been trying to keep all the fic recs at T and below for the most part. ~Owls]  And that's it for our fics today.

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as a Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter @AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for, “Afterspark Podcast,” such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few.  Until next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I'm Owls.

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]

[goddess-in-the-stacks]

So last weekend we drove to Pittsburgh for Anthrocon, the second largest furry convention in the world. It was the largest until Midwest Fur Fest overtook it last year! If you’ve never heard of furries (or have only heard of them from CSI, ugh), they are a really fun subculture. Popular culture likes to call them a fetish, but mainstream furry culture is absolutely not. Furries are, simply, people who like anthropomorphic animals. Often they have fursonas, or an idea of who they would be if they were an anthropomorphic animal, and some of them have made or commissioned fursuits (similar to mascot suits) so they can dress up and pretend to be their fursona. Furry culture is a happy one, really – there is just so much joy at Anthrocon, from people dressing up and just playing. There are meetups for different types of animals, like bird suiters and cats and dragons. (I saw a photo on Twitter of a water buffalo at a lion meetup captioned “living dangerously” which cracked me up.)

One of the best things about furry culture, in my opinion, is the lack of giving a fuck about gender roles and sexuality. Most suits obscure your gender – and for gender non-conforming people, it can be an incredibly freeing experience. So there are a lot of pride flags flying, and transgender flags are incredibly common. (I saw several fursuiters wearing them like capes!) It’s just an amazing place to be yourself, because nobody judges you.

Husband in a badger mask, and boss trying on a tiger mask in the mirror.

So this is how we spent our weekend. We help a friend of ours sell leather masks and folding fans, both at this con and at the Maryland Renaissance Fair every year. (See photo above, and her website here!) It is an absolute blast, spending time with three of our best friends (boss and her partners) and chilling with furries.

Now that you know what furries are about, the rest of this post should make more sense! Thursday we drove up to Pittsburgh. We normally help set up the booth, but they only allow a certain number of people in with the Dealer, so Tiger and her partners set up her booth while we got our badges and wandered back to the hotel until dinner.

Three fursuiters in the Dealer’s Den.

Friday the Con kicked off for real, and the Dealer’s Den opened. We sold fans (SO MANY FANS) and masks until 6pm. We got to see some amazing fursuiters walk through the Dealer’s Room, and said hi to several people we knew from Fair and previous Anthrocons. I walked down to the Charity Table, because this year’s charity (Anthrocon supports a different one each year) was Pearl Parrot Rescue, so they had a few different parrots at their table throughout the weekend. We ended up raising a record $46,440 for their charity!

Saturday was another full day in the Dealer’s Den, with the Fursuit Parade in the middle of the afternoon. They actually blocked off a road outside the conference center, and put out a bunch of chairs so people from Pittsburgh could come watch the parade! Pittsburgh is an amazing city, and they’ve absolutely embraced Anthrocon and furries. The local restaurants usually have deals for people with Anthrocon badges, or furry-themed food specials, and many places do events themed around the furries. Anthrocon attendees regularly inject several MILLION dollars into the local economy over the weekend, though, so it’s no surprise they love us!

Scyther!

Sunday the Dealer’s Den closed at 4 instead of 6, to give the Dealers time to pack up their booths and load out. We still had 6 hours of vending time, and saw many more fursuits. I don’t remember which day we saw Scyther, but they were one of many Pokemon suiters. After packing up Tiger’s booth, we headed back to our hotel. They drove back Sunday night, but we stayed an extra night in Pittsburgh….

So we could go to the National Aviary Monday morning! BECAUSE BIRBS. The Wattled Curassow, above, liked to hang out on the railing. I was highly amused at how many people walked by her, or stood at the railing right next to her, without noticing she was there, just chilling. This was in the Wetlands environment, along with spoonbills and flamingos and pelicans and all kinds of birds.

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I actually got to hold a fish to feed a Tern as part of their interactive feeding talk. I took video of the first half of the talk. I’ll try to upload that soon, because it was really neat!

In other exhibits they had Stellar’s Sea Eagles, which were HUGE. I knew they were big, but DAAAANG.

Or at least I thought they were huge until we got to the Andean Condor exhibit. I was really excited by this one, and it was a large part of why I wanted to go to the National Aviary. Andean Condors are the largest flying bird in the world, and WOW. We walked up just as one of them hopped up onto a rocky ledge and HOLY COW THEY ARE HUGE. It’s hard to get a sense of scale through pictures, but trust me. These guys are enormous.

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In addition to these giants of the bird world, we also saw Tawny Frogmouths, a Kookaburra, and Flying Foxes. Which are bats. But hey. They fly!

In the Rainforest Exhibit were a pair of Hyacinth Macaws, which is one of my favorite species, and this fabulous bird in a nest, among many others. We saw a Palm Cockatoo – the amazing black ones – but he hid behind a tree very quickly, so I didn’t get a picture.

I also didn’t get a picture of the lorikeets, but we fed them! I had two come to me immediately – I’d been hanging out outside the enclosure talking to them through the wire mesh – and they didn’t want to leave when the nectar was gone. One of them I had to reach up and set on a branch, he was fairly determined to stick with me! The keepers were rather surprised he’d refused to leave, but I explained I’d grown up with birds. They seem to like me!

I have three souvenirs from the weekend – a shot glass from the aviary, and two AMAZING posters from Anthrocon. The expression on the parakeet’s face just KILLS me. (The artist is on Twitter at @TsaoShin)

Monday afternoon we drove back from the aviary, fell into bed, and slept until Tuesday. It was a fantastic weekend. We’d originally planned to go to Toronto instead of coming home, but that fell through, and we’ll probably try to do it next year instead. I am exhausted – well, maybe not by the time this post goes up, hopefully! – but happy.

Anthrocon Wrap Up! My weekend in #Pittsburgh at #Anthrocon2019 and the @National_Aviary! BECAUSE #BIRBS! (Poster from @TsaoShin) So last weekend we drove to Pittsburgh for Anthrocon, the second largest furry convention in the world.

[bunnyandbirb]

Birb’s Steam Cleaning #1: Weeb Trash RPG

Not too many years ago, I had an addiction called the Humble Bundle. I was suckered in by the pay-what-you-want (what I wanted to pay was usually around 1 cent) model for one game that looked interesting, plus four others I didn’t really care about. This weak-willed behavior has left me with a mountain of games in my Steam library that I’ve never beaten, never played, never even read the description for…

So now it’s time to unearth some shit.

While scrolling through my library, I read titles that I’ve never seen before in my life. Project Root? Leviathan: Warships? Super Chain Crusher Horizon???

In the end I just randomly choose to install something I don’t recognize: The Clans - Saga of the Twins.

It’s only after I’ve installed the game that I go to its store page and read the description.

“Experience a point-and-click adventure RPG game like never before featuring seven playable female characters and a male vampire in this not-so serious tale. Catz and Kitsune desire to go on an adventure with Xenonight who have no choice but to follow them.”

…I’ve made a mistake.

Now you may be a much more open-minded person than me. “Come on, birb,” you might say. “You haven’t even played it yet. Maybe they’re just bad at writing descriptions and naming characters. Give the game a chance.” And you know what? You may be right.

BUT I START THE GAME TO SEE THAT THIS IS THE MAIN MENU:

There is no hope left for me.

Not only is this wannabe-waifu’s character design an assault on my eyes, but there is also an infuriating retro arcade-sounding techno track playing on repeat in the background, featuring some overly autotuned guy speaking in tongues as the accompanying vocals. Also, that (three option) “menu” located right on the girl's crotch is so clearly ripped straight from RPG Maker that it physically hurts me. By “point-and-click adventure RPG game” I guess I should have guessed that it was going to be another amateurish RPG Maker product, but really? You couldn’t even have customized the UI for the first screen the player sees? And this is being sold on Steam for $10???

I tentatively click “New Game” (because there is no ‘Options’ button, I can’t even try to change the wonky resolution, lower the music volume, or do anything other than dive headfirst into the void. Lord help us all) and am instantly introduced to our protagonist, Catz.

Catz has… cat ears. Two seconds into the game, she randomly decides to go on an adventure. No, seriously. The game starts as Catz is having a conversation with her bodyguard, Kitsune, (who has fox ears oh my god kill me) and this is a transcript of the first three lines of dialogue:

Catz: Your food is as great as ever.

Kitsune: Thanks. Even though you hired me as your bodyguard, I’m also a capable cook.

Catz: I feel like going on an adventure.

At this point I’m wondering whether my laptop charger’s cord is long enough to strangle myself with.

I find out that I can access a settings menu from here, and eagerly try to turn down the volume of the music. It doesn’t work. It turns out, nothing on the settings menu is actually clickable. Utterly defeated, I go back to playing the game.

Catz goes to find her “despicable sister” to tell her that she’s going on an aimless adventure. It turns out that this girl is the one we saw on the main menu! Catz’s sister, Sakura (please jesus why) proves that the two are related by being equally horrific at exposition.

The subtlety there is astounding. Catz leaves after saying a bunch of nonsense (she doesn’t want to be her sister’s ‘Master’ or something?), and now I get to control Sakura instead. She goes to a control room and talks about creating battle mechs, activates the “Dream Web”, and then uses her magical powers to beat up some random trash ghost-things that spawn. None of this is explained. Even though the trash ghosts didn’t even touch her, she says she needs to go to the infirmary.

Here, not even five minutes into the game, is where I find my first bug.

Obviously I’m going to tool around instead of actually going where the game tells me to. I make Sakura walk up to a train and try to hop in:

Why the hell is Catz’s sprite coming up and telling me this? Is she the conductor? Does she hide behind that vending machine just to bitch about the train when people walk by?

Anyway, I just walk to the infirmary after this because I don’t want to prolong my suffering any further. Sakura blows up two more trash ghosts on the way with her magic lightning (I have not manually battled a single thing so far) and goes in to take a nap.

We’re switched over to Kitsune’s perspective, and are introduced to a new character: Xenonight.

This is the conversation we are treated to:

X: Finally you are here.

K: Who are you?

X: I’m Xenonight.

X: I will also come to help Catz with her adventure.

K: Well, welcome aboard.

The two find Catz watching some practice fight on a holographic battlefield. She doesn’t even bother to ask who the fuck Xenonight is and why she’s so edgy. Instead, she’s just like, “oh yeah! I was supposed to go on that adventure.”

And then they do.

Yyyyuuuuuuuuuup.

I now enter Catz’s dream sequence, which demands that I pick a difficulty level for the game.

The sound of laughter = having fun, right? Might as well click on that one.

Instantly, I’m placed in a battle sequence where some guy is holding a weapon in the most inefficient manner possible.

I hit him once with a basic attack, and three more appear. None of the combat is explained, but it’s pretty easy to figure out. Just click on a type of attack and then on the enemy you want to hit. Basic attacks seem to do around half as much as the mana-based one, so I end up just torching everything I see. The first battle earns me exactly one wood log.

The rest of the dream consists of meeting some gothic lolita chick named “Lilith Bloodrose” (sigh), miscounting a group of four people as three, and fighting a dragon. Then Kitsune wakes up the MC and we’re in a forest.

I played this game for about another hour, and I can only say that it gets worse. The dialogue is SO cringe inducing, with the characters making XD XD I’m so randumm~1!1! jokes in every conversation without fail. There are also grammatical errors everywhere, and the characters’ names aren’t even spelled right sometimes. The combat is incredibly repetitive and boring as shit. All I have to do is just spam click forever - I might as well just play Cookie Clicker, at least that game gave me some shred of satisfaction.

All in all, I’d rate The Clans - Saga of the Twins a ReconsideredAllofMyLifeChoices/10

~Stay tuned for nonsense~

- birb

[kemeticcallouts]

Like could you fucking be any more transparent? First you claim that you can't be fucking racist against Jews, then when I tell you to fuck off, you start accusing me of being ~racist~ because??? In an ask about THE HISTORY OF THIS BLOG, I even *mention* Smarmy made it?? SHE DID MAKE IT. I didn't say she fucking RAN it, and you using ME as an excuse to distract from antisemitism ONCE AGAIN is simultaneously hilariously tragic yet totally Kemetic of you.

it’s Smarmy this time! This is gonna be a long one because there are a lot of details I want to cover 100% clearly so there can be no reasonable misinterpretation of what I’m saying here, so buckle in.

First of all, Dame’s original statement was only drawing a distinction between racism -particularly the kind experienced by PoC, including her, who are literally always seen as non-white every second of their lives- and antisemitism experienced by people termed “white Jews”. She then felt, within only a few minutes of posting it, that she was in the wrong and deleted the post, immediately posting an apology before you said anything about it. She told me privately she thought she was wrong and should delete it before your ask about it ever popped up. Please note, my explanation of Dame’s intent is not me saying that I agree or am prepared to comment on the differences between antisemitism and racism; I’m only going over what she meant because your description of the conversation, while technically accurate, portrays Dame as dismissing oppression of Jewish people entirely, which isn’t what she did.

You claimed in another ask (which we are not publishing at the moment in order to contain any drama to one post): “You got caught being antisemitic, deleted the evidence, and now you’re flailing about trying to find a way to discredit the person who accused you. You realized you fucked up by trying to pretend I’m white, so the closest you can come is pretending I’m racist.” Here is her actual statement on the matter: 

I deleted the anon response in question because of my own ruining of that post. I just couldn’t be sure on whether or not I overstepped my bounds and accidentally perpetuated antisemitism or not. I don’t want to make antisemitism seem smaller than the huge deal it really is (even if it is way too specific to be so glibly referred to as “racism”). I also don’t want to label Solo as White the same as I would a white gentile, and it felt dangerously close.

Since we discovered that the blocking was an accident and managed to unblocked Solo, I deleted it. I apologize deeply.

–Mod Birb

So here you are not only wrong about her calling you out on the racist shit you’ve been pulling “to discredit you”, but lying: Birb did not “try to hide the evidence”. She admitted wrongdoing and apologized, deleting the post so it wouldn’t spread, as that’s generally considered the appropriate response when you say something wrong.

Secondly, Birb wrote that bit about how it’s racist to insist I’m in charge of the blog and running it as a way to shut up non-white people i don’t like and the rest of them are just going along with it, as you and several others have done regularly, the night before. (You remember sending that ask well before the second argument happened, don’t you?) She didn’t publish it when she wrote it because we have a policy of having several people okay a post before publishing it (which we’ve also mentioned to you recently). It was in no way a response to your reply to her attempt to differentiate between antisemitism and racism -which, again, she had decided to delete before you said anything.

To “prove” this course of events, of course, I’d have to publish a bunch of private messages of us discussing it with timestamps, which I’m not going to do because even then you’ll claim we somehow staged the whole thing, or faked the images, or will otherwise divert the conversation if you’re backed into a corner and it’s proven why we posted or deleted what we did, in the order that we did. We’re not obligated to reveal private correspondences just to prove at which time things happened, especially when we know you well enough to know it’ll do us fuckall in terms of how you treat us and what you claim happened. However, this is still the truth and I want people to know that, even though it doesn’t fit the narrative you’ve chosen.

Here’s what I can prove, definitively: Your ask did not just “mention” that i started the blog. Here’s a copy paste to remind you: 

“ Nah smarmy specifically made this blog because I pitched a fit at how constantly pathetic y'all are at cleaning up your trash and how I wouldn’t need to do it myself if you did it and how y'all think just blocking and ignoring someone on your personal blog doesn’t help and instead need to be forcibly dragged into the Shame Arena and driven out of the community, and Smarmy went “I’ll make a racism blog for the kemetic watch!!” even though that’s the opposite of what I said. Stop revising history.”

This is not you mentioning I technically “started" this blog by being the one to open it on my account, after a bunch of kemetic PoC had all talked about it and decided to give it a shot. This is you saying that I made the blog because of you. Saying that I went “I’ll make the blog!” of my own volition because it’s what I wanted to do, which isn’t what actually happened. That’s what Dame corrected you on- that it wasn’t entirely my idea, it wasn’t something I just ~decided~ to do, and it sure the hell wasn’t to get back at you or shut you up. Sure, you didn’t say that I was currently running it, but you said its creation was all up to me. After correcting you, Dame then elaborated to point out that I also am not running the blog now, addressing not just things you personally said and implied in your ask, but things people such as KCFTP have said and implied about the project, while specifically mentioning that she was replying to those people too.

Dame wasn’t out of line in the slightest by pointing out that it’s racist to ignore the non-white mods’ role in this blog’s creation in favor of saying “nah smarmy specifically made this blog because I pitched a fit (etc)” because it takes the autonomy and role in creating the blog away from PoC and gives it to a white person. That is a textbook white savior narrative that you described in the ask, and that’s what Dame was talking about when saying it was racist. 

This isn’t a matter of opinion: you said something happened that did not happen. When confronted on it, you changed your story, this time claiming you only “mentioned” I made the blog, rather than what you’d said the first time: that I decided to make the blog as a successor to kemetic watch “because (you) pitched a fit”. Then, you claimed that Dame was making up groundless accusations of racism to distract from something she’s already admitted wrongdoing and apologized for, when in fact her accusation is a response to exactly what the fuck you said. This is gaslighting. In the other asks you sent, you’re also bringing up events that have nothing to do with the current conversation in an attempt to browbeat the person you’re arguing with into backing down because of past mistakes that they’ve already apologized for, or are currently trying to fix ( the latter referring to the accusations aimed toward the entire blog/kemetics in general). This is toxic. 

Continuing to engage with you doesn’t contribute to this blog’s purpose, and is actually a legitimate mental health risk to at least one of our mods, so we won’t be doing it. (Inb4 you go “THEY’RE USING MENTAL HEALTH TO EXCUSE THEIR ACTIONS!”- People have the right to draw boundaries based on their health and needs, end of story. This includes during arguments with you.)

We will not be publishing any more asks from you until and unless this behavior changes. We don’t be deleting them either, if only so that we can have concrete proof of what you say. We won’t block you unless you continuously contact us despite telling you, right now, we aren’t interested in further communication. 

-Smarmy

[feynites]

Feynite you amazing and wonderful cinnamon roll... I can't get to the NSFW sharkbait post :( both links just redirect back to the same page. Permalink isn't even working. Knowing my favorite OC couple ever is doing smutty things that I can't read is making me look like grumpy brooding birb. Help me favorite author, you're my only hope!

Sorry for the delay, Anon! I copy and pasted the fill below, hopefully it will work this way. If not you might have to give me different contact info so I can send it to you by some other means. I’m still getting stuff sorted out so the blog is on semi-hiatus as I work on making new master posts, side blogs, and experiment with themes until I find one that does what I want it to.

Uthvir is strong.

Thenvunin knows it. He does not typically forget it. After all, it is part of how they so routinely over-power him. But he is still bigger than they are, and especially on the mortal plane, these things can be a factor, and, well…

He swallows, as Uthvir lifts him. As they grin, all sharp teeth and shrewd eyes, and pin him against the wall.

“Well well, what a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting you to come back so soon,” they purr.

Thenvunin shudders.

“I was answering a prayer,” he insists, because he was. But there is no petitioner here. Though he was absolutely certain he heard the call, while he was in the midst of… experimenting, with blending in. Trying on some clothes. For research purposes. Certainly not because of any particular interest in unfitting, subpar materials, and their garish, bright colours, and their inappropriate access points for grasping demon hands.

Uthvir’s grip is still wedged into the ‘back pockets’ of the ‘jeans’ he had been trying on, when the call had reached him. A trick, of course.

They raise an eyebrow at him.

“A prayer? Really? And is there some imaginary petitioner hiding in my bathroom?” they ask.

Thenvunin frowns.

“Obviously, you have tricked me here,” he says, lifting his chin. Uthvir’s gaze drifts to his neck, though, and he shivers – shudders – as they press closer. Grinding their hips against him, in a base, lewd act that nevertheless has him straining within the confines of his jeans. Oh, that is a definite downside to this clothing, he thinks. A robe never confined him so. He braces the tips of his feet against the back wall of Uthvir’s hallway, and braces himself for assault.

“I am very tricky, I suppose,” they murmur, before pressing their lips against the side of his neck.

He is expecting the bite. The heat of their breath, and the prickling of their teeth. His wings are still far away, but he still feels them twitch, a little. His blood surging and tingling as Uthvir’s peculiar aura wreaks havoc on his holy personage. It is a force of effort to make certain he keeps his aura hidden. But he would not wish to reveal it, and risk drawing too much attention. Even here. And, he reminds himself, it is a good thing to distract Uthvir. Keep them busy. Whatever the cost to himself, sacrifice is in the nature of angels.

He is so focused on making certain his hidden wings do not betray him, that when Uthvir’s tongue presses against his skin, a gasp escapes his lips.

They pause.

And then they grind their hips against him once more, firmly enough that he can feel their own growing arousal. The contact is electric, like-but-unlike their couplings in the other planes. There is an immediacy to it that is different, though. The way some things here tend to be. Scents, sights… sensations. Thenvunin bites his lip to keep from making another sound, and Uthvir bites into his collarbone, wicked and unrepentant.

“What do you say, babe?” they whisper. “Should I fuck you against the wall, or carry you off to my inner sanctum?”

Thenvunin huffs, a little shakily.

“As if my input will have any say in it,” he retorts.

Uthvir’s lips press against their second bite mark. A mockery of sweetness. Thenvunin knows how lust works – even angels can turn harsh with it. Unable to resist their wilder impulses, incapable of care or concern once they are overcome. Demons, obviously, could never fare better, though… though Uthvir beguiles better than most.

He swallows, as they work their mouth gently across his tingling skin.

“Want me to let you go?” they ask.

Thenvunin feels an inexplicable rush of frustration. Of course he does. Certainly, he does not seek out these – these ravishments for their own sake. But he is committed to his task, and anyway, Uthvir would hardly just let him leave. Not without twisting everything to some nefarious purpose later on, if nothing else.

“I want you to get on with it!” he snaps, and decides is frustration is owed to Uthvir’s needless games, and attempts to draw some humiliating admission or other from him.

Their mouth moves up to the side of his neck.

His pants are beginning to feel almost dangerously restrictive, and the press of their cock through the thick material, right up against his own, is very distracting.

“You’re the one who made the booty call, babe,” Uthvir tells him, with a low chuckle that seems to sink right through his skin.

His hands tighten on their shoulders, and the ridiculous garments they’re wearing.

“I was answering a prayer!” he insists.

“From who?” Uthvir counters, pulling back just enough to catch his gaze. Their lips are a little flushed, and their hair looks a bit softer than usual. Thenvunin swallows. It is never enough that he submits to their attentions, it seems; they are always asking him things, and stopping, and trying to get him to make noises, to look at their eyes, to humiliate himself. A demon’s hungers are certainly the most perverse. The angels Thenvunin courted were much more willing to let him simply lay back and fulfill his obligations, even they complained about it at times.

Still. Thenvunin is not obliged to debase himself, just because he is being debased.

“You tricked me,” he insists, as their grip on him shifts; hands moving from his backside to loop underneath his thighs. Uthvir pulls him away from the wall, and he stifles a gasp as his weight shifts, pressing him against them differently. He holds on – strictly for balance – as they turn and begin carting him through a nearby doorway.

“If you say so,” they tell him, easy in their stride, and their smirks. They cannot possibly see past Thenvunin, but they manage to navigate the room well enough anyway. Wisps of shadows follow them in, and the red in their eyes gleams a little, as they deposit him onto the duvet of a neatly-made bed. He topples backwards, his hair spilling across the pillows, and an unintended shaft of light skitters out from his aura. Only enough to make the blankets beneath him shimmer, for a moment.

Uthvir’s gaze rakes over him. Pointed enough that he can almost feel it; like the press of their claws, whenever they draw their touch over his bared skin. The accursed jeans suffocate him.

“What an angel you are,” they purr.

Thenvunin’s cheeks heat further. As do other places.

More frustration, of course.

“Do your worst,” he challenges, and regrets it as soon as the words are past his lips. Uthvir’s smirk widens, showing off the full effect of their teeth, as they lift a hand and snap their fingers. Thenvunin’s heart speeds up, his breath escaping him all in a rush as a dozen dark tendrils curl up from beneath the bed, and wrap around his skin. Binding him against the sheets, encircling his wrists and ankles, spreading his legs wide and caressing very pointedly against the side of his jaw.

“Happy to oblige,” Uthvir tells him. “What’s the word?”

Them and their damnable words.

“…Starling,” Thenvunin mutters, trying not to squirm. He is dignified, he reminds himself. An angel of the highest order. It does not matter how uncomfortable his pants are, he will endeavour to live up to his reputation, no matter what is inflicted on him.

Uthvir trails a hand down his chest. Down and down, as they devour him with their gaze, until their fingers come to rest at the fly of his pants. He wants them to unbutton it, to free him – only because of the discomfort. He glances at their nails, focusing again on containing his angelic presence. They have shredded enough clothing with those claws. He will not request that they use them, absolutely not, it’s not as if he enjoys having the fabric torn from his skin in a frenzy of aggressive desire.

He’s only watching their claws because he knows what they can do with them.

They flex their hand, and there is something infuriatingly knowing about the look they give him, before they slide a hand down his thigh.

And then they snap their fingers again, and Thenvunin blinks as he finds himself rolled over. Uthvir’s wicked restraints moving him about, pressing him face-down against the blankets instead. He swallows as his knees are bent, the vulnerability of the position not lost on him as Uthvir trails their hand across him again – this time down his back. Tracing a few almost-idle patterns, their warmth close enough to feel, even where they aren’t touching him.

Thenvunin bites his lip. The blankets are soft against his cheek, but the restraints keep him from supporting himself. Hold him tight enough that movement isn’t really much of an option.

Uthvir brushes some of his hair away from his back. Sends it tumbling over the nearby pillows, and then starts tracing patterns over him again. Idly outlining the… the base of where his wings would be.

He swallows as the sensitive skin tingles, and he has to struggle to keep his wings from manifesting. A memory of their fingers, pressing between his feathers, drifts up to him. His cock throbs.

“Uthvir!” he finally protests.

The breath has barely left him before their hands come down, and their claws tear through the sturdy material of his jeans. Ripping off the pockets they had slipped their grip into, and reducing the seat of his pants to tatters, as the fabric pulls just hard enough to sting in places. And hard enough to press even more firmly against the front of his crotch. He struggles to retain composure, as Uthvir traces their touch over him yet again, their fingers moving from tattered denim to the exposed skin of his backside. And then drag their claws through the material at his thighs, hard enough that he can feel the red marks they must be leaving behind. The fabric loosens enough that he gains some relief at his crotch –though, not enough to free him.

And the pants will be ruined, now.

“Uthvir, I did not bring any other clothes,” he protests.

They chuckle, and give his backside a firm pat.

“I’ll loan you something,” they say.

At which Thenvunin feels the mattress shift, and hears them lean back. Rustling around with something, as the dark bindings on him pulse, just faintly. They shift over his skin. Not relinquishing their hold, but moving just enough to tease; to caress in places, that leave him tingling. He hears a cap open with a ‘pop’, and is about to ask what Uthvir thinks they are doing when their touch returns – slick, and cool, and spreading something over his skin. Through the tattered fabric.

“What do you think, babe? Shall we get right to the main event, or would you like me to suck you off first?” they ask. “Might help you relax a little…”

The lubricant warms as they spread it towards the cleft of his ass. He can feel their nails receding, their touch going careful. Beguiling, he reminds himself. Making lewd demands, asking for humiliating concessions. It is a game, and that is why they do not…

…Why they are careful, with him. Sometimes. In ways that others have not been, in the past.

“I want nothing of the sort!” he insists.

Uthvir leans over his back. Their jacket feels strange against his bared skin. The zipper is too cold, the leather is too smooth. They brush some of his hair aside, with the hand that isn’t wandering further south.

“No?” they ask, lowly, and with a certain growl in their tone. “Maybe you would prefer my mouth on-”

They stiffen.

All at once, in fact. Going absolutely rigid, and halting mid-sentence. It is strange enough that Thenvunin feels a twinge of concern, and turns his head towards them. Breaking his usual rule of trying not to look. But he’s barely turned his head when he feels the air shift all around him. Uthvir’s weight vanishes. The feel of their clothes at his skin, their hand toying with him, both go, too. The restraints keeping him in place abruptly let him go, and Thenvunin topples to the mattress, off-balance and surprised.

For a few seconds, he just lies in a startled heap; blinking past the hair that has fallen over his vision.

Then he pushes himself upwards, and looks around. Bewildered, at first, as he realizes that Uthvir has just… gone. He can feel traces of them having been here a moment ago, of course, though, and as he reclaims his wits, he realizes what must have happened. They have gone spiralling through the astral planes. Moving quickly; someone must have summoned them.

All Thenvunin’s distractions cannot do much if a mortal calls Uthvir to them.

That is surely the source of his profound annoyance and disappointment at the moment. The irritation is potent, and his frustration comes racing back. Vibrant enough that his wings flick back into existence, cutting the mortal trappings around him with blinding light that scars a nearby wall, knocks over one of the bedside tables. Thenvunin’s arousal is potent, his backside is slick, and his skin is still tingling. He sits. Rigid, and viscerally displeased with this turn of events.

He will have to wait, he supposes. If nothing else, he should find out what Uthvir has been up to. He cannot follow their trail, not with their head start and not with his… disarray.

Hopefully the mortal does not make a deal. Perhaps they will simply be sensibly frightened of Uthvir, and flee. Then Uthvir can come back quickly.

And of course, not make a deal to corrupt any mortals.

Which is Thenvunin’s primary concern.

Absolutely.

…Absolutely.

A minute passes. Then another. Thenvunin folds his hands over his chest, and shifts uncomfortably. His pants are quite obviously destroyed. His face twists, as the oil Uthvir put on him rubs unpleasantly against the tattered material, and the bedspread. It is hardly dignified to sit around in ruined pants, really. At least nudity is artful. Thenvunin had gone into battle in little more than a sheer robe, he hardly needs a pair of decimated mortal jeans.

He gives it another moment, and then gets up and peels them off. Sighing in relief as he is finally freed from the confines. What terrible garments; he’s never wearing the likes of them again, not if he can help it.

But their absence makes his state of arousal all the more clear.

And, really, that is quite undignified too. Thenvunin takes another moment, and glances around the room. Uthvir’s room. Empty of Uthvir, though there are… odd traces of them, here and there. Not as many as Thenvunin has seen in his glimpses of most mortal homes. The closet door is slightly open, and he can see their clothes, though. And the pillows on the bed are scarlet, rich and deep. There is a comb on top of the bedside table that is still standing. A few familiar-looking hairs are caught in it. Next to it is a magazine, with an image of several knives gracing the cover.

Uthvir pinned Thenvunin with a knife once, he recalls. Centuries ago. They didn’t actually stab him, although it was a near miss; the blade sank through his robes, though, pinning him in place as they climbed over him. Dark tendrils spreading outwards from them, and sinking into his wings. Like enmeshed fingers, except, of course, nothing so sweet.

His heartbeat speeds up again, and his cock twitches.

It seems likely, at this point, that the mortal did not simply flee. In which case, they may be gone awhile. And it is undignified to be sitting on a demon’s bed, hopelessly aroused. There is a solution, he supposes… and he is alone…

He gives it a moment more, and then reaches for himself. Closing his hand over the shaft of his cock, and letting his wings flutter a little as he gives himself the stimulus Uthvir has so fiendishly made him crave. Quickly, he thinks. And, well. Memories are tied in with such reactions, of course. It is pure pragmatism to recall the last time Uthvir had their hand on him. Their grip firm, nails still sharp, as they loomed over him. Filthy words pouring from their lips, all of them peculiarly complimentary – but then, that was Uthvir’s way. They were cunning.

Thenvunin strokes himself. Cunning, and fierce, and relentless. Always grasping him, sinking into him. Claiming him. His feathers flutter a little as he tries to mimic their touch. His nails are respectably short, and his hand is larger. And the angle is wrong. Not that he wants Uthvir stroking him instead, it is simply expedient. But he can still manage on his own, focusing on retaining his reaction so that he does not do any more damage to the room, and letting his breaths grow ragged in the meanwhile as he stokes himself higher and higher, and-

The air shifts. A familiar presence rushing back into the space of it, dark tendrils fanning out like wings.

Thenvunin snatches his hand away from himself, scrambling backwards as pure, mortified dread sinks through him, and manifests in a burst of unnameable panic. His wings sweep forward and his leg kicks awkwardly outwards, and with a sound that is most definitely not a panicked squawk, he falls off the bed and smacks against the floor.

There is a moment of poignant silence.

Then the distinctive tap of footsteps. Thenvunin finds himself momentarily to overcome with humiliation to move.

Uthvir walks around the other side of the bed, and peers down at him.

“Did I startle you?” they ask, and there is definite amusement in their voice.

“No!” Thenvunin insists, even though that is not actually something he should be denying. He looks up at them, ready to disclaim any and all untoward activities, and assure them that his hand was most certainly not anywhere they might have momentarily thought it was, at a glimpse, when they first came into the room.

And then he sees the gash on their cheek, and his brow furrows.

“You are bleeding,” he notes, getting to his feet. “What did you do?”

One of Uthvir’s hands moves up towards their cheek, but they stop midway, and then shrug. Thenvunin gives it a second. But the gash doesn’t close. It isn’t actively bleeding, at least, there are no rivulets racing morbidly down Uthvir’s cheek. But Thenvunin has seen them in fights plenty of times. Healing such a wound should be no problem for them.

“Why are you not closing it?” he demands.

Uthvir raises an eyebrow, and shrugs again.

“Hardly your business, is it?” they counter. “Perhaps it was part of my dealings. I do apologize for the interruption, by the way. Though it seems you carried on well enough without me.”

They smirk, and Thenvunin all at once recollects his situation, and goes rigid. His cock is still flush, his flesh still heated; Uthvir’s gaze drifts pointedly towards it, and his throat goes dry, and he feels at once excited and a little sick.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he insists.

They move closer, and slide a hand over his hip.

“No?” they ask. “It was such a pretty sight, for all of the half a second I caught it. Were you thinking of me, while you touched yourself?”

“Certainly not!” Thenvunin snaps, and then flusters. “Not that I was touching myself! If I was it was only to – I was only rearranging my person, after you set me so horribly askew! I was most certainly not touching myself, my libido is by no means demonic, thank you very much. Such activities would be far too…”

He trails off, then, as the cut on Uthvir’s face finally begins to close.

So they… they were trying to heal it? It only took a while, it seems. Longer than it should have. Their hand slips around to his backside, but Thenvunin finds himself staring as the red mark is reduced back down to nothing.

“What is wrong with you?” he demands.

“According to you, a great many things,” Uthvir blithely replies. There is just the faintest hint of strain at the corner of their eyes.

Thenvunin folds his arms, stalling them from moving any closer.

“Obviously! But why did you take so long to heal?”

The question has Uthvir’s lips twitching downwards, briefly.

“Didn’t I say it wasn’t your business? Maybe I was just too overcome with lust to bother,” they tell him. And he might believe that, except that they alwaysbother. Wounds are  not a laughing matter to Uthvir, even considering how eager they are to inflict all manner of scratches and bites on his person. Thenvunin wavers, caught by a queer uncertainty, and Uthvir’s gaze drifts off towards his wings. Which have flared up, and knocked over the other beside table.

“Put them away, babe. There’s no danger here,” they tell him.

Thenvunin sniffs.

“That is preposterous. You are here,” he points out. But after a second, he does push them back again. They are conspicuous, and while it takes concentration to set them aside, it also takes power to keep manifesting them on the mortal plane, too. And he has found too few sources of true faith to spend his strength carelessly.

One of Uthvir’s hands caresses his folded arms.

“Now,” they say. “Where were we…?”

Thenvunin opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, they slip a foot behind his, and push him backwards; and he tumbles unceremoniously onto the bed again. His heart leaping, pulse racing, as Uthvir looms over him, and summons up the tendrils to bind him again. It does not take much for his thoughts to get lost once more, as they seem content to leave him lying face up again, and bite their way down his body.

But even after they have ravished him and taken him, left him spent and exhausted in amongst their blankets, he finds himself thinking about it. A wound to the face can be accidental, or the result of a fight – but sometimes it is a statement, too. A reprimand, of sorts.

Who could reprimand Uthvir, though?

And why?