#get it? motherfucker? mother fucker?

[loserboyfriendrjl]

james: marlene, you're a motherfucker

marlene: yep

james: but you're my motherfucker

marlene: god, i WISH i was your motherfucker

[the-good-luck-anomaly]

WOUND UNDER THE CUT. CW FOR WOUND

[vcrnons]

so. i just nearly died.

[criticallyconcealedchaos]

I am so filled with rage over something I know is inconsequential but I have no idea how to get rid of this feeling where I want to tear this world apart throw him into the depths of hell and scream for a thousand years

[hadersversion]

yet another drabble about dad!logan because i’m watching the wolverine and love sick over this man!

obviously logan is a girl dad…as we seen many many many times. i can definitely see him wanting a BIG family, once you got him started and he’s seen you pregnant with HIS child? oh, that motherfucker will BECOME a mother fucker. he’s like a rabbit with you, constantly on you.

the one thing i keep picturing is the two of you setting up the nursery together. he obviously did the heavy lifting and painting, which cause a fight between the two of you constantly. “im pregnant, lo. i can do somethings, ya know?” “i know, bub, why don’t ya set up the library while i finish putting the dresser together?” it’s all about compromise…in some way? but the two of you spend hours in there together, trying your hardest not to lose your mind over ikea’s confusing directions and the missing screw that fell somewhere in the room. logan is trying not to lose his cool in front of you, mumbling under his breathe. but you know once you leave the room, he shouts swears and knocks the boxes over. it makes you laugh as you grab waters in the kitchen. but once the nursery is done, you two are so exhausted you fall asleep on the floor using the baby’s new pillows. though it was sort of uncomfortable, you two felt content knowing that the room was done and your baby would be here soon.

but your first kid is a girl, his heart swells when he sees you holding this perfect bundle of joy that’s a perfect combination of the two of you. but you swear a tear leaves his eye when that beautiful baby girl opens her eyes and they look exactly like yours…logan never had a favorite color before until he looked into your eyes. and now he gets to see it even more through your daughter. you knew logan was protective over you, that was a given. especially since you were pregnant but once the second his daughter came into the world, you could’ve swore he took over the role of mama bear. he would hover over ANYONE that touched them, made sure they washed and sanitized their hands multiple times, he would even ask people if they were feeling sick before they even entered the room. you had to convince him people didn’t need to wear a mask and gloves in the hospital room. but once the team met baby wolvie, he felt at ease. a little prideful showing off your guys’ daughter, actually showing off his smile to show just how happy he is.

he’s definitely going 10 mph on the drive home, cursing under his breathe at people beeping and swerving around him, not wanting to yell in front of the baby. “logan, you can speed up a little bit. she’s not going to fly out of her car seat.” “stop being a backseat driver, would ya hun? i got this.” “whatever you say old man.”

the first night was obviously tough with the baby crying and making a fuss over everything. you cried, logan held you, you both were frustrated and upset. it was tough, you knew it wasn’t easy but holy hell this was shit. but you had that support system, the man you loved helping and comforting you. but once that sweet baby girl settled in your arms and finally slept longer for an hour, you both gave each other a tired smile as he kissed your head. “you’re glowing, mama. absolutely gorgeous.” “shut up, i know i look like shit.” “shut the hell up, why would you say that?” “because you look like shit, papa.” you both laugh and pass out on the couch, receiving the best sleep ever in each others arms. until the baby monitor goes off less than two hours later.

🎀🦢💓kaila🎀🦢💓

[ventique18]

Warning: crude language

🐉🌸♀️ but he turns into a child due to a magical accident. Back to his little dragon form so his actual baby actively tries to destroy him because the boy thinks he's a diabolical stranger trying to steal his place in the family.

🐉, in dragon tongue: "What are you doing?! Stop trying to rip my tail off! I am your father!"

🐉🍼: "Villain! What did you do to papa?! Are you trying to steal mama too? I'm going to destroy you, motherfucker!"

🐉: "Motherfu-- WHERE DID YOU LEARN SUCH A HORRID LANGUAGE? And indeed I am quite literally your mother's fucker, FOR I AM YOUR FATHER."

🐉🍼: *Tries to bite his horn off his head* How dare you fuck my mama! I'm going to kill you!" <- He thought fuck meant hit

🐉, pushing him away with a paw: "Well you wouldn't be alive otherwise, utter fool! And you are no longer allowed to watch YuuTube for a hundred years! I swear on my name once I return to my proper form--"

His baby goes complete fury mode and starts snapping his muzzle at every part of his body he could sink his teeth into. He could only dodge in response. His toddler instinct is taking over. He wants to cry. He's so frustrated and he wants to fight back against this utter injustice so badly, but what little is left of his adult sanity is telling him that he would've failed as a person if he gave in.

🌸, picking him up gently: "I just went to the restroom for a minute and you're already fighting? Baby, stop bullying your dad. You know he's sensitive. What if you break his poor little heart and he cries himself to sleep?"

🐉: "I am not sensitive! I do not cry!"

Of course she can't understand him, though.

🐉🍼: "That's not papa! Papa's not as weak as this fraud!"

Fraud! Weak! This nasty little--

🐉: "Silence! If I were not hindered by morality, I would have burned you to a crisp--"

🌸: "Aww, you're sobbing."

🌸, rubbing his back soothingly: "Are you sleepy? Are you hungry? Want some milk?"

Yes, yes... A warm glass of milk will really-- NO!

🐉: "I am not a child! You of all people should--"

His complaints, which she thinks is an anguished cry of hunger, are muffled by her shoving a bottle-- a baby bottle complete with a silicone nipple, into his mouth.

Thank the seven Silver and Sebek barged in just in time before his wretched baby instinct could take over and convince him to discard his pride and feed.

When he reverts back to his original form, he gets back at his son by making a beautiful batch of nuggets and slowly eating it in front of the boy, without offering him one. Until his wretched father instincts took over and he ends up hand-feeding him some while watching that ridiculous Bluey cartoon on the TV with him.

He still hasn't finalized a rightful punishment for his wife for humiliating him with a bottle of milk, however. But oh, what terrific ideas he's coming up with.

[evilminji]

You know what would be HILARIOUS?

For everyone NOT involved in the situation?

If the Uzumaki, mad lads that they were, seal master's who routinely moon the Shinigami for funsies that they are, got SUUUUUPER drunk? And were like?

"F-! *hic!* FUCK your fancy ass Summons contract Himiko! I got one TOO, you know. A..An' it's TOTALLY better then yours! It's got BLACKJACK! And hookers!" *falls on their face unconscious*

Needless to say? Not their proudest moment. Actually, their kinda deeply embarrassed. But like FUCK ARE THE BACKING DOWN! Their mouths wrote a check their ass can't currently cash... so the only REASONABLE solution? Apologize and tell the truth? Psh! NO.

Break Reality Until It's TRUE.

THEN they weren't technically lying!

They're a GENIUS~☆! :D

And yes, yes this IS normal behavior for them. It's both cultural AND genetic. There was a REASON people were terrified of those insane mother fuckers.

Because? They just? MADE UP a A Summons Contract. With Who? Dunno! We're gonna find out! But it looks right Seals wise! *signs name before anyone with sense can stop them, does the signs, draws blood aaaand?*

POOF!

Nani THE FUCK!? Says local dead Japanese 16th century fisherman who was flying by to visit the Lair of his buddy the 14th century monk. Behold! A FUCKING ZONE GHOST! He is unsummoned before he can react.

The Uzumaki have A Ghost Contract™.

.........th....they may have fucked up.

YOU THINK?

Roars basicly the ENTIRE Elders council. Who FUCKING FELT THAT. Because EVERYONE Felt that. They're SENSOR. That was a HOLE in REALITY that somehow GLOWED like a BEACON of both absolute Nothingness and Death! You TRAUMATIZED THE KIDS, YOU ASSHOLE!

Still....they ARE ninja. And Curious mother fuckers to the last.

So basically EVERYONE and their dog signs it. They somehow get WEIRDER. Bigger Chakra reserves. Obsessive tendencies. Meh, you win some, you lose some.

But? Then they fuckin DIE. (And their WHOLE ASS VILLAGE SHOWS UP IN THE ZONE. OH GOD, WHAT-!?)

And some grave robbing fuck tries to use the Contract. SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!

Ghost Uzumaki!

Your literal worst nightmare!

They DO NOT try using it again. It gets sealed DEEP. Until the Hokage gets wind of it. And, of course, Danzo. The Hokage sends Hound. And Team Kakashi on a completely unrelated but nearby "help a farmer" mission. Danzo sends assassins. Because he's fucking awful.

Kakashi gets the scroll.

Yep. Creepy rambling and shit handwriting, def Uzumaki. Time to go.

He gets attacked on the way back to camp. GDI Root. Well, its you or me. Sucks for you, I guess. They fight. They get a lucky shot. He bleeds on the scroll, doesn't notice. But SURELY... SURELY it isn't CROWDED enough with names that the Uzumaki just added a "and anyone who bleeds on THIS part at the bottom _______ plus does the handsigns" towards the end.... RIGHT??

RIGHT?! Look him in the EYES Uzumaki Clan, RIGHT??!

They would prefer not to answer that. The Vibez here are getting REALLY aggressive, you know? >.> It made sense at THE TIME...

So... he goes to summon his Dogs.

And he SURE DOES GET UM.... plus One(1!!!).

Who the FUCK is this glowing green dog? A puppy? Kakashi seeing the dimwitted looking little thing about to get STABBED tries to rescue it. It takes one look look at him (worried for it), the other dogs (growling at his enemies, fighting) and... turns around, shifting as it does, to HUNDREDS of times it's previous size.

Like an Akimichi transformation.

A sudden, hulking, green WOLF with red glowing eyes and killing intent that would Rival a demon's. The howl is unearthly. It joins the fray like a meat thresher.

Then pops back to a floating, tongue lolling, dimwitted pup the second everything is done.

G...God boy?

Far be it for KAKASHI to fear a dog, no MATTER how dangerous. So he carries it back to camp. Where it seems to instant fall in LOVE with Naruto. They become the BEST of friends.

There's frolicking.

Looking down at the pocket with the scroll he reclaimed? Yeah. Yeah that tracks. According to Pakkun, the pup has a "weird, echo-y" accent and is incredibly scatter brained. Training to be a gaurd dog? WAS Training. IS currently... what.

Okay. IS currently the gaurd dog/pet of an Emperor. Because THATS not alarming. Did the Royal family all... wait... he examines the pup again. Transparent. Was it KILLING intent he felt... or a Deathy pressure? Didn't the Uzumaki have Forbidden soul and death seals? It would stand to REASON...

Oh god damn it.

Pakkun. Pakkun please tell me that pup is ALIVE.

(He can not.) (Hilariously? Dispite being TERRIFIED of Ghosts? Naruto is TOTALLY COOL with Zone Ghosts? Don't be MEAN, Sensei! They're just PEOPLE! It's not THEIR fault They're dead! Now GHOSTS? Spooky and EVIL! Totally different.)

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @hypewinter @legitimatesatanspawn @mayfay

[rowretro]

If your requests are open, can I get hard yandere Jake or Ni-Ki where they punish reader for escaping and staying with one of their friends?

𝕺𝖍 𝖒𝖞 𝕯𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌…

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, mentions of blood, manipulation(?), shirtless-ish riki, somewhat gore, mentions of sex

✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧

"Oh my sweet little y/n... I knew you were stupid but for you to be this stupid?!..." Riki tutted, a mocking pout on his lips, his shirt drenched with the blood of someone you called a friend. He barely knew you, yet he befriended you just because he knew you were in the danger of Riki. Your stupid self just had to believe Riki wouldn't know that the motherfucker would be keeping you in his house.

He was pissed. No he was beyond pissed, words can not explain how bad of a decision she made. Riki wasn't too into murdering people or ripping them apart, but for her? god a little blood on his hands was nothing let alone stabbing a dagger with her name encrypted into this so called friend of hers? heck he could even leave the body out because not even a family member was there to want him.

"Oh well... he lived a miserable life anyway.... this was your fault y/n. You know better than to trust a strangers word over mine. Fuck the fact you trusted another man. went into his house. wore his shirt. AND FUCKING LEFT ME?!" He finally yelled causing her to flinch, he stabbed him crazily as you screamed for him to stop, tears streaming down her cheeks. "STOP CRYING FOR HIM!" he screamed, slapping her painfully on her cheek.

he knelt down before her dark eyes, peircing into her as he groaned, he threw off his shirt "Mother fucker got his filthy blood all over my comfortable t-shirt. The one you should be wearing right now." he sharply said. The man was pissed. He slapped her yet again, ripping off the T-shirt she wore as she carried her and dropped her in the bathtub.

He didn't care that it was hurting her, he turned the tap on as he applied soap to the sponge and aggressively rubbed on her skin. "I know you wouldn't sleep with him. But you still hugged him. You still went in his house and sat on his rubbish sofa. Fuck imagine all the germs in that shithole you went to." He spat as he chucked the sponge at her and yanked her hair. "Clean yourself up and go to bed." He simply said before leaving the restroom.

"Oh no... I hurt my poor y/n oh sweetie... You need to know what you did is awful... you need to feel the pain I did... but I won't make it hurt as much as you hurt me because I love you... you can tell me anything.... did you have sex with this fucker?! is that why you're wearing his ugly shirt?!!!" Riki asked, as She stared in horror, and disgust. Riki chuckled

That very night, was the first time Riki hurt her, though it hurt him more to hurt her. He stepped out of the shower, smiling as he saw Y/n sitting on his bed, wearing his sweater, how it fell just off of her shoulder, her tears gone as she reached out to hug him, she just needed comfort... and she accepted her fate.

"So cute, I know you won't do something like that with some low life... awww my sweet innocent y/nie, so vulnerable and gullible, sweetheart, he's a pervert, he lied to you, he did this so he can use your precious body. You know I've never done and never will do that you know why? because I love you..." Riki explained as he cradled her in his arms.

He palnted soft kisses on her face "Oh my poor darling y/n... don't ever leave me... I can't live without you!" He said as Y/n placed a soft kiss on his plump lips, giving into his toxic love. She can't help it though... isn't it a good thing that he'd even kill for her?.... so many men have only hurt her, humiliated her or wanted to hook up with her but Riki... Riki loves her...

✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧

[la2yn0va]

Hello! Can i request some self aware au Feixiao x male reader, who has already decided he is going to skip the other character for her? Like it has been predertemine. The reader said something like: "I like ya and i want ya". Just like that with no sense of shame.

…you watching me or something?

————

-Watching the 2.4 trailer while having honkai open-

M/n: So a prison break event? Sure I’ll take it. Even though I wanted stellaron hunter Sunday, I’ll take a Prision break—

Gets interrupted as feixiao appears on the screen “…WHO IS YOUUUU!!?” He rewinds to her the close up of her dull blue eyes. Leaning back on his chair and keeping his hand over his mouth whilst his chat instantly knows what’s wrong with him beginning to call him a simp.

Chatter 1: Aaaaaand she got another one.

Chatter 2: Welcome to the club.

Chatter 3: Ay this the same mfer that said he doesn’t simp for anyone. LMAO!!!

M/n has yet to speak a word, simply staring at the foxian woman. Meanwhile, the characters in the game are staring depressed. What does that foxian general have that they don’t!!!?

They can fight, they have pretty eyes, they have smooth skin!! WHATS SO SPECIAL ABOUT HER!!

M/n:…imma be honest… jing yuan, step down there’s a new general in town

An arrow pierced jing yuan

M/n: Better hair ‘another arrow’ better weapons—PLUAR ‘two arrows’ and SO much better eyes and hair!!

Jing yuan falls onto the ground cartoonishly unconscious as the luofu characters yell in panic. (I know Alejandro is SEETHING right now)

M/n:…nahhh, I’m not simping.. right? Me? Simping…?

Stares longer at feixiao “…Fuck it, I’ll wear it on my chest. I’m actually simping for someone right now. FUCK!” M/n throws a small unserious tantrum. Whilst the xianzhou characters (besides that now depressed jing yuan) are crying to themselves.

Chatter 4: You skipping yunli and jiaoqiu? Ya SIMP.

M/n: Okay— 1. Why you gotta type that with so much disrespect? 2… I wanna say yes, but my luck with pulls and light comes are CRAZY… like I haven’t lost a 50/50 since I picked up this game sooooooooo……….i mean.. I like her… and I want her.

Chatter 5: Nah pull for them, I bet you’d get them anyway.

Chatter 6: You self reported there, YOU DONT LOSE. SO PICK UP THE CHARACTERS.

(LEAKS!!!!) M/n began looking at imagines and leaks for feixiao, at one point staring at her back when her shirt was burnt off. “Hoooly shiiit….”

Chatter 7: AYYY!! LEAKS MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Chatter 8: I don’t think he’s even in the same universe as us right now mate.

Chatter 9: Welcome his first E6S5 character guys.

M/n:…..Yeah, I need you mother fuckers to donate RIGHT NOW! I NEED HER E6S5 YESTERDAY!

———

The end.

[mikichko]

⛔ this blog is 18+ !! minors and ageless blogs please dni ⛔

actually i think the real way you meet tf141 is when some dickbag on base is just harassing the shit out of trans!soap.

blabbering on and on about him never being a real man. how he can climb onto the laps of commanding officers and climb up the proverbial ladder but he’ll never truly earn his rank. that he’ll never be a true soldier of quality caliber like him. yadda yadda yadda. whole lot of bullshit.

the decision to spin his fucking jaw is real easy when 1) he’s being transphobic as fuck, 2) you hate this fucking guy , 3) you’ve been itching for a fight.

and see here’s the thing right, everyone in the fucking army thinks that you just have to take any bullshit anyone gives you and “toughen up.” but frankly, this motherfucker’s mother clearly didnt teach him any manners so you ought to.

all anyone sees is you getting up from the table where your squad is sitting, walking over calmly to douchebag mcgee, and tapping him on the shoulder. he’s not even finished turning around fully when your right hook hits him and sends him stumbling back flat on his ass. and from the way he starfishes on the floor you know that fuckers out cold.

you just step over him, feet planted on either side of his hips and lean down to look at him as he comes to. brother isnt even done blinking the confusion out of his eyes when you place your foot on his chest, bending down to get closer to him and putting more pressure on his chest.

“i ever hear you spewing that putrid shit out of your mouth again to the seargent or any one on this base, hell anyone in the goddamn service and your jaw’s the last thing you’ll be worrying about. we clear?”

barely finished nodding by the time you step off him and walk away.

your squad leader’s already at price’s side apologizing for your behavior, who, despite keeping a straight face and responding with a silent nod, you’ve just won the favor of. hell, whole task force really.

[triasticalwarlock]

So, I'm ashamed to say I am officially having a sonic faze. I don't know how I got here. I came across a really cool piece of art of dark sonic. And there it was, that little fucking tingle, that little thing you get when ever you look at a fictional character you've liked for, well, a few years. And it comes running back, and you feel like a miserable son of a bitch... because you like THIS DUDE.

Where did I go wrong? I was perfectly fine with hazbin hotel, and the mother fucker called Adam. Also, due to this, I'm starting to realize a pattern. The characters I liked in the past: Leon from pokemon, sonic the hedgehog, bill cipher, Stanford pines, secret history tails, Adam the first man. Am I the only one seeing a pattern? I AM FOR SOME REASON ATTRACTED TO EGOTISTICAL LITTLE SHITS.

Why do I love this mobian? I honestly don't know, prideful man that is reckless and enjoys danger? Doesn't show much vurnability around people, but that one person(us)? I don't know, don't bother asking. But, it could be that it's a hero, with the ability to snap.

I'm talking about this version of the dude. I don't know why, but when ever I see this motherfucker, I feel something. It's like something is stirring my stomach, but in a good way. I don't know how to describe it, all I can say is that it makes me giddy and makes me kick my feet. It's like, cuteness aggression. And, honestly, I want him to baby me in this form. Imagine, the usual calm and looked up to hero, cupping your face and saying something in a baby tone (i think I've been reading to much Lucifer). Also, this has nothing to due with me wanting this man to ram me in. But to the people out there who still think that dark sonic would hurt his friends, get a service dog. Because you clearly blind. The reason sonic ever even turned dark mode was because his friends got hurt, what makes you think he'd intentionally harm them? I needed to say this, because the amount of art I run into that shows dark sonic about to hurt his friends, usually amy or tails, is pissing me off. Service dogs people, service dogs.

And, just a bunch of things of sonic, because I can.

Silly goose

[funtheysaid]

IWTV 2x01 Initial Thoughts (Stream Of Consciousness)

- That title card for Delainey felt very stage play to me (ahhh I adore the theatrical elements for this season)

- Ooh I love the idea that vamps can take on the emotions of whosever blood they’re drinking - it’s like the vampire equivalent of when werewolves can smell ppl’s emotions and fears through chemosignals (a la Teen Wolf iykyk)

- “Disregard” is the funniest shit ever 😂 Oldmaniel they could never make me hate you

- There’s a Real Rashid OMFG ??? Lol imagine he’s not actually Rashid and they pull one over on us again I’d fucking shit myself

- “Your love was in a box” OH MY GOD EAT HIM UP DANNY BOY

- OMG OMG LOUSTAT ITS HAPPENIGN ITS HAPPENING EVERYONE SHUT UP

- I MISS YOU TOO LESTAT

- “Quite fucked” 😏😏😏

- “mon amour” “mon cher” “love” IM GOING TO EXSANGUINATE MYSELF ISTG

- The singular finger on Louis’ chin 🥲 so delicate so soft so bad for my mental health

- I like Emilia

- “They are not used to seeing man with good looks” OKAY I know they’re just racists BUT she also wasn’t lying bc beautiful Louis is canon god bless you Jacob Anderson

- Lol Morgan a little fruity

- OOH memory is a monster! They be redoing scenes as Louis “fixes” his memories !!!! That’s gonna show up again for sure :))))

- “Stupid Halloween costume” Daniel Molloy the brat that you are (is okay, Armand likes brats) *cough cough*

- I’ve never seen someone *elegantly* close an iPad before. Armand, you have bewitched me.

- The fucking sexual tension between DM is stifling 🥵😶‍🌫️ Um if this is us “not getting Devil’s Minion” then I think imma be okay

- Claudia pushing the little racist boy 🤪🥹 we can’t help but to stan

- WTF AMC you can’t just jumpscare me with a Grace photograph :’)))

- “UP YOUR BUM” EXCUSE ME MORGAN I KNEW YOU WERE FRUITY BUT SIRRRR?

- so the makeup department really put their whole sfxussies into that decrepit ass abomination

- Louis: Alexa, play Mr. Steal Your Girl by Trey Songz

- Claudia calling Louis Daddy in S1: ☺️🍭👼 Claudia calling Louis Daddy in S2: 😖🤢😟

- I’m dubbing Louis “The Rat Prince”

- “If he can’t take you ballroom dancing and call you pretty” ICONIC.

- “the motherfucker” it’s on sight Bruce or Killer or whatever the fuck your name was 🤕🥊

- “her hand twitched like yours would” why was that line lowkey out of pocket. My mans has Parkinson’s Louis !!!!

- SHE DREAMS 😭 MY FUCKING GOD STOP MY EYES ARE GONNA BE PUFFY WHEN I WAKE UP TOMORROW

- that wasn’t even acting that was some REAL shit. Get Jacob Anderson his Emmy or Oscar or Tony or whatever the fuck I just need him to be awarded for his talent

- Daniel’s soft compassionate side: rare but that much more meaningful when it makes an appearance

- LOUIS you did not just do Emilia dirty like that TF!?! She helped you dude.

- “Human affairs. Their problem.” Not you listening to Lestat now of all times

- “Catfish with teeth” Louis can really read a bitch to filth can’t he?

- AHHH THERE ARE TWO OF THE FUCKERS 👹👹

- Oh shit he’s a kid okay I’m sorry for calling you an abomination earlier. That was mean.

- Woman vampire, you standing precariously close to that fire 👀

- Delainey’s facial expressions are the perfect blend of innocent and slightly unsettling

- OPP INTO THE FIRE SHE GOES rip 🔥

- What the hell is a bacon triptych am I just stupid don’t answer that

- Armand you ain’t beating the iPad kid allegations

- “It’s his drug” He said that with such malice. Is this a “he needed me but he needed drugs more” plot line???

- So Dubai Loumand is chilly frigid tepid frosty glacial

- Free feet? Okay im sorry

- “We can have him saying what happened next in no time” okay wait hold up why you making it sound like YOU don’t know what happened next and you need him to tell you???

- oh danny boy whistling while the couple he’s counseling walks in… is this a comedy or ?

- Daniel: yeah? 🤓 Armand: yeah 🫦

- “the mother of New Orleans” oh he misses home

- LMFAO Daniel interrupting Armand before he can start soliloquizing

- Louis and Claudia in a truck full of art which they belong in bc they too are pieces of art to me

- hard words. soft words. 🥺

- “a shit life beats no life” god damn this monologue feels like Louis is speaking directly to my soul

- “as long as you walk the earth I’ll never taste the fire” If this is foreshadowing I- I- I don’t know what I’ll do but it’s going to involve a baseball bat and a waffle iron and my head

- “it would be enough” pan to Lestat 💀 you can’t be fucking serious right now you just cannot

- okay it’s over and the teaser for the season just started playing and I just have to shout out the score bc damn if those violins don’t get me every god damn time

(Stutter) That’s all, folks! 🐷👋

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER ONE - TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

  I usually don’t become swoon by seeing attractive women. Working security at a luxury club, I come across them almost every day. At one point in my life, I even slept with them for money because I needed survival after the Zen’in Family disowned me about twenty years ago.

But when I stare in the direction of the bar, I’m convinced I’m looking at one of the prettiest women I’ve ever seen in my life. 

 She’s fucking gorgeous. The deepest and richest shade of brown. Thick curls falling to her shoulders. Full thighs that are being constricted by the material of her denim mini skirt. 

 God, I don’t fucking care if I sound like a pervert, but every time I saw her cross and uncross her legs, I hoped to see a sneak of her panties. 

 I don’t care to be in a relationship. 

 I just had to fuck her. Hard and slow until she’s screaming my name. 

 Insta lust isn’t really my thing. However, my cock is feeling extremely uncomfortable in my pants right now. 

 “Fushiguro!” Shiu Kong’s voice blares through my ears. 

  Shit, I forgot I wasn’t alone. 

 He continues, “You heard anything I said or you’re too busy drooling over that pretty girl at the bar?” He points with his chin, taking a drag of his third cigarette tonight. 

 That fucker needs to give it a break. 

 “I’m not fucking drooling, Kong,” I answered. “And what did you say?”

  He chuckles. “I asked, are you going to consider that contract I gave you?”

 “No. You know I don’t do that kind of shit anymore. I have a kid.”

 “And how’s your relationship with Megumi going?”

 I hate using the term friend , but Shiu Kong would be the closest thing that I would have of that sort. We met back in Tokyo after I left the Zen’in Family.

 Our friendship consists of business, banter, and talking shit to one another. He’s not a bad guy. Pretty decent and not as annoying as other people. And I guess you can say I kind of owe him since he helped watch Megumi after his mother passed. 

 He’s been in the States for a few days now to visit, trying to convince me to take this damn contract. But he knows I left that part of me back in Japan.

 “It’s going,” I finally responded. “He’s still adjusting to being here.”

 “English working well for him? You’re helping him I assume.” 

 I give him an annoyed look. “Trying to make sure I’m being a dad?”

 “Someone has to,” he says, boringly, while putting out his cigarette to like another one. “Maybe you should get a girlfriend. Make her a housewife. Being a single parent to a fifteen-year-old boy isn’t the easiest.”

 I let out a mixture of a scoff and chuckle. “And how would you fucking know?”

 “Considering that I helped take care of your boy, I would know.”

 “Hm,” I say. 

 “And I’m frankly tired of having to babysit your old ass, too. You’re forty-two, Fushiguro. I can’t be your lover forever.” 

 And here goes the shit talking. 

 “Funny. I don’t remember you having anyone.”

 He smirks. “I have my options.”

 “Yeah, whatever.”

 My attention is back to the woman at the bar, and this time she’s not alone. Some guy occupied the seat next to her, and by the looks of it, she’s annoyed. I’m almost positive that he’s hitting on her. I mean, who wouldn’t? Her beauty steals the attention of the bar. Still, even I know when to read the fucking room. 

 If a woman isn’t interested, then she isn’t interested. You can tell by their body language and how they engage with you. 

 Her body is telling him to fuck off, and she’s doesn’t look like she’s engaging either. And despite that, the fucker can’t keep his hands to himself. 

 You would think the other men seeing what’s happening would be decent enough to fucking defend her but they’re just sitting around with stupid grins on their faces. 

 Kong was talking some type of shit before I got up from the table and walked toward the bar. 

 I had two reasons to go over there. 

 One, to get that motherfucker away from her, and two, my selfish intent to see how pretty she is up close. 

 The closer I got to the bar, their conversation became more coherent. 

 “Come on, sweetheart. Why are you playing hard to get?”

 “You don’t know how to fucking take no for an answer?” 

  Her voice… 

 Get it together, Fushiguro. 

 “I do, but this feels like a game of cat and mouse.” He’s definitely drunk. 

 “If-”

 “She’s not interested,” I interrupted. 

 The moment I uttered those words, it’s like on cue, her and I locked eyes. Her hues are the color of coffee with a touch of milk. I drink them in. The almond shape. The small creases underneath. The length of her lashes. I don’t think I could ever get tired of looking at them. 

 Then, her face. It has this type of softness yet definition. Those full lips that are brown and pink, even prettier up close. 

 No. She’s more than pretty. 

 She’s beautiful. Sexy. Tempting. 

 It’s like I almost forgot what I came here for before this shithead opened his mouth again. 

 “And who the fuck are you?” He’s trying to remain calm. Confident, even. But I’ve been told how intimidating my presence can be for people. It’s clearly affecting him. 

 “The guy that’s fucking telling you she’s not interested and to leave her the fuck alone,” I bit out. “You look desperate.”

 He gets off the stool to buck up to me. 

 Funny. 

 “What happens if I don’t?”

 “I don’t think you want to find out.” Is all I say to him. 

 This guy is about three inches, maybe four inches shorter than me. He’s intoxicated. He is barely confident in the words he’s saying to me. But somehow he thinks he wants to find out if he doesn’t listen to my warning. 

 The other pieces of shit that didn’t say anything listen into our heated conversation. I even feel her eyes still on me. Why am I being overprotective over a woman I don’t know? Like she’s mine? Not sure, but I am. 

 Though, it looks like he made the right decision by walking away, his friends going right along with him. 

 “You okay?” I ask her, after the drunken fuck leaves. 

 “I am. Thank you for defending me.”

 Velvety. Smooth. Soft. Raspy. Mature. All the words that come to mind when I hear her voice. I feel the fucking hair on the back of my neck standing up. I just know she would sound so sweet while taking me. 

  Fushiguro .

 I know. I’m a pervert. Fucking shoot me for being attracted to her. 

 I nod and say nothing else to her, beginning to walk away but she stops me. 

 “What’s your name?” she asks, smiling. 

 “Toji Fushiguro.”

 “Do you usually give out your full name like that, Toji Fushiguro?” 

 Charming, I think. I give her a small smile. 

 “And yours?”

 “Y/N. Just Y/N, for now.”

 I quip a brow. “You say for now, are you suggesting there will be a later?”

 “Hm, it depends. Do you want to sit down and keep me company? Your scary boyfriend demeanor can probably keep away the rest of the creeps.”

 “Scary? Do I scare you?”

 She laughs, and it’s like music to my ears. “No, Toji. You don’t scare me.”

 My name from her lips sounds like pure sin. It drips like honey. I want to taste how it sounds when she’s moaning it. 

 “I wouldn’t mind, but I have a friend-” I look back to the table where Kong and I were at to see that he left. 

 And I’m pretty sure he didn’t cover the fucking bill. 

She shrugs. “I don’t mind your friend joining. As long as he’s not weird, which I’m assuming he’s not since you associate yourself with him. The more, the merrier.” 

 “Looks like he left.”

 “Then it looks like you’re going to keep me company.”

 Now, she’s not asking me. She’s telling me. 

  Shit . 

 I have no reason to protest, so I fill the seat next to her. The bartender comes to me to take my order, but I tell him just a refill on ginger ale and remind him I have a tab open. 

 “You don’t drink?” 

 “Nah, not really. I don’t like the taste of alcohol. It’s not the type of burn that I like,” I tell her. 

 “What kind of burn do you like, Toji Fushiguro?” Is she…

 “You flirting with me, Y/N?”

 She smiles. “Just making conversation. That’s all.”

 “Hm. Well, to answer your question, the workout burn feels good. Help clears my mind.”

 “You have a lot going on in your mind?”

 “I’m a forty-two and a single dad. My mind feels like a Formula One track.”

 She giggles. “I can only imagine. How old is your…”

 “Son, and he’s fifteen. 

 “I don’t have kids, but I teach at a high school. Teenagers are definitely not a walk in the park.”

 “A classroom full of kids sounds like hell.”

 This time her laugh is louder and clearer than before. 

 “I swear it’s not that bad. I used to teach elementary school kids. They are a bit more handful since they’re younger. I was their temporary mom for the day,” she explains. “Teaching isn’t the easiest, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

 “I see you’re very passionate about it.”

 “I am.” Y/N takes a swig of her martini, licking the sugar off her lips that coats them. And like the creep she doesn’t think I am, I stare at that pretty mouth of hers. 

 A visual of Y/N on her knees with her full lips wrapped around my cock plays in my mind. It’s like she knows what I’m thinking because when she looks at me after putting down her drink, she shies away but quickly gathers herself. 

 “So, uhm, what do you do?”  

 “I work at a luxury club. VIP security,” I answer. 

 “Very fitting.”

 “How so?”

 “You ask me if you scare me. I said no, but you give off protective vibes. It’s only right to put a good trait to use to make money, no?”

 I hum, taking a sip of my ginger ale. “I guess you’re right.”

 Over the course of hours, Y/N and I carry conversation. Talking to her feels… nice. Easy, almost. Like the more we talk, the more familiar she becomes. I’m not into that artificial crap, but I feel like I’ve spoken to her before. 

 Like I knew her in another lifetime. 

 Usually, I talk about myself when I’m talking to people, especially women. However, with Y/N? I listen to her. The words she says. Her opinions about insightful topics. She’s breathtaking. Smart. Addicting. 

 My cock isn’t aching only from her looks, but also from the high I feel from her mind. 

 I sound like a sap. I know I do. It’s just… I haven’t felt this way since my wife died seven years ago.

  Maybe you could try again.  

 Absolutely not. My heart and any kind of decency I had left was buried in the grave next to my wife. 

 There’s nothing wrong with a good conversation before an attempted fuck, so that’s all I’m doing. 

 That’s what I’m trying to convince myself, at least. 

 “So, Toji, you from around here?” 

 “Nah. Born in Japan. I’ve only been in the States for three years with my kid.”

 “What about your son’s mother? She didn’t move with you?” She questions. 

 I toy with the black band that I still keep on my finger. “No. She moved somewhere I can’t go, unfortunately.”

 “Where is—Oh…” Before asking her question, she realized what I meant. “I’m so sorry, Toji. I shouldn’t have invaded like that.”

 “Nah, it’s okay. It… was a while ago.”

 “Is that why you said your mind feels like a Formula One track?”

 I manage to let out a hoarse chuckle. “Yeah. Her death affected me and my son badly, but we’re handling it differently.”

 “Not everyone's grieving process is the same,” she reassures. 

 “Right, but does it normally cause your kid to hate you?”

 Why am I saying this? Why am I showing my vulnerability to a woman I just met two hours ago? In the middle of a fucking bar for Christ’s sake. I can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I don’t drink. 

 All I wanted to do was fuck Y/N until she’s screaming my name, but that sole intention went completely out the door the more we talked. 

 My slight insecurity from my vulnerability isn’t even because of Y/N. She doesn’t look bothered or taken off guard from my confession. She just waits for me to talk… like she wants to listen to me. 

 She turns her body around to face me and while doing so, our knees brush. I don’t know if she felt that slight electricity when making contact, but I did. Hopefully she just has a good way of masking her reactions. 

 “Why do you think your son hates you?” 

 I shrug. “We’re just not as close as we used to be. It feels like his mom was the glue that kept us together. Then, when she died, so did my bond with Megumi.”

 A soft smile of pain shows on her face. “Megumi… that means blessings . She picked it?” 

 “I did, because that’s what he feels like.”

 “Hm, I see,” she says, simply. “I’m not a therapist, but I wouldn’t automatically assume Megumi hates you. Like I said, grief is different for everyone. I’m pretty sure it can cause distance between loved ones, too. I would say he’s still adjusting. Just like you are.”

 “Sure you’re not a therapist?”

 She pats my thighs without realizing what that does to me. “Nope, just a high school reading teacher.”

 “Sorry guys. We’re about to close. Mind paying your tab?” The bartender says to us. 

 Were we talking for that long? Guess that happens when conversation is good.

 “Ah okay.” Y/N reaches for purse to pull out her wallet, but mine is already out, giving enough cash to cover both of our bills with a tip. “You didn’t have to do that, Toji.”

 “Maybe I wanted to?”

 She doesn’t bother to argue with me. “Well— thank you.”

 “Let me walk you to your car?”

 “Oh, I don’t drive when I go out. Never know how much you’re going to drink.”

 “Okay, call your ride share and I’ll wait with you.”

 Y/N nods and starts walking towards the exit. I can’t help but take a look at her ass. So fat and naturally shaped. Her legs look so smooth. Thick. I want them to wrap around my waist while I pound into her. 

 And don’t fucking get me started on the top she’s wearing that shows a peak of her belly. I can tell she’s not wearing a bra.

Fuck, Y/N. 

 Why is looking at her making me sexually frustrated?

 Typically, I’m direct about my intentions. If the woman wants to fuck, cool. If not, also cool. But for some reason I can’t open my mouth to ask. My dick presses against my pants and I’m glad I wore black tonight rather than my normal grey sweats. 

 “Looks like my ride is about five minutes away,” she says. “I had a really good time talking to you, Toji. Your company wasn’t bad.”

 “Better than that motherfucker from before?” I ask.

 She rolls her eyes at the thought of him. “Way better. Gosh, that guy was so fucking annoying. He does that every time I come here. I’m hoping since you showed up, he won’t be an issue anymore.”

 “He won’t.”

  She arches her brow. “Why so sure?”

 “I think I made my scary boyfriend message clear,” I joke. 

 “Ha, ha, real funny.” Silence is now between us. We look at each other, and on her face is a soft smile while mine is probably the same. 

 Unlike before, Y/N doesn’t shy away. Instead, she speaks. 

 “Can I be honest?” 

 “Sure.”

 “I want to kiss you, but I’m not sure if it would be appropriate,” she admits. 

 “And why wouldn’t it be?”

 “Well, you vented to me about your late wife, which is perfectly fine. I appreciate you being that comfortable with me. I just don’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability.”

 I chuckle. “You can’t take advantage of me.”

 She places her hands on her hips, shifting her weight onto one leg. “Is that your way of consenting to a kiss?” 

 “Can I be honest, too?” She nods. “I want to do more than just kiss you, but I would be no different from that shithead.”

 “No, you would. The difference is you’re not a creep and I’m consenting to your honesty, which I’m attracted to.” Y/N closes the space between us. Even with heels, she still looks up to me because of my height. “Consent is sexy.”

 “I agree,” I affirmed, cuffing around her chin to tilt higher. The whiff of her sweet alcoholic breath fills my senses, and that alone can make me drunk. 

 Her breath hitches. “Do you?” 

 “I do.”

 “Kiss me, Toji.”

 And I do. I kiss her hard. Aggressively. Passionately that has my blood rushing straight to my groin. Y/N’s lips are so fucking soft, sweet, succulent, every descriptor you can think of while kissing someone as pretty as her. 

 I force her mouth with my own, licking around to explore and get a better taste of her. She whimpers and I utter fuck from how sexy she sounds. That alone can tell me she’s probably needy, proving my point that she would take my cock in her pussy like I’m all she knows. 

 Like I give a fuck about us being in the middle of the street, making out like we’re horny college kids. I want to feel more of her, this fucking body of hers that I know I will have wet dreams about and fist my cock to in the shower when I wake up the next morning.

 “Y/N, can I–” 

 “Stop talking,” she whispers. It’s like Y/N knew what I was going to ask because she cut me off by grabbing my hands to place on her ass so I could squeeze.

 Fuck, it’s so soft and big. It feels jelly and perfect in my hands. While I busy myself with my own, her hands slip through my locks to deepen our kiss. Her full lips overpower mine, sucking and biting on my bottom lip.

 It’s not a want, but I need to fuck her.

 Now. 

 “Let me fu-” And before I was able to ask, the honking of her rideshare interrupted our heated kiss, reminding us we’re not alone.

 We break apart and ogle at each other. Those pretty fucking eyes roars with pure lust and hunger. Her lips are swollen, gloss completely gone from my excessive sucking. 

 My hand is still at her ass while the other feathers along her collarbone and the mountain of her breasts, causing her breaths to shallow. I pull her closer to me so she can feel what she did to me.

 Again, the driver honks the car and I’m two seconds away from breaking his window if he doesn’t fucking wait. 

 “I can come over?” I ask.

 “I want you to, but I can’t. Not tonight,” she declines. “School night. I’m already out later than I planned. Now it’s going to be harder for me to go to sleep after-”

 “This.” I wrap my hand around her throat to give her a quick sensual kiss.

 “Yes,” she breathes, squeezing my arms. “After that.” 

 Y/N hesitantly breaks away from me to head into the backseat of the car. I open the door for her, but before she goes in, I grab her arm to pull back into my chest so I can kiss her–again. 

 She’s just so fucking addicting

 “Toji, I have to go,” she tells me with a smile on her face. 

 “Alright, alright.” I let her go so she can get in the car and roll down the window. “You say not tonight. So when? “Hm, I’ll let you know,” she teases. The driver got sick of our shit, so he slowly started driving away but kept close enough for me to hear Y/N. “Good night, Toji Fushiguro.”

 “Night, Y/N.” And she’s gone, leaving me in front of the bar with a hard dick and pornographic thoughts. 

 Y/N is so fucking sexy, and she’s a good woman. Has a career that she loves. A good listener and honest without coming off as judgemental. Not like it would hurt me if she did, but I didn’t realize how calming it felt to talk to a stranger about my lack of confidence with being a single dad. She’s almost like a ray of… sunshine. 

 Too perfect for me.

 We didn’t even exchange numbers, so the likelihood of me fucking her is slim to none. 

 Oh well. Maybe I was only meant to meet her to hear her reassurance and taste her lips… feel her ass… 

 Shit, my dick is harder than before.

 Jacking off isn’t going to work. Not tonight . 

 I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts to see who can help alleviate my pleasure. 

 Maybe I’ll run into Y/N someday. Hopefully in this lifetime. 

NEXT CHAPTER

[book-place]

Disaster Twins

Warnings: cursing, play fighting, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Batfamily x batsis!reader

Request: Omg maybe a btfam x batsis reader that has a sibling that came with them when they where adopted and they always fought bc that's hiw they show their lovejxjjsnzjz. And what I mean is calling each other stuff like bitch, where, and mother fucker and play fighting all the time. And they're all just fed up with it but can't do anything bc they'll still continue doing it

Request by: Anon

*not my gif*

Summary: When Bruce adopted you and your brother, he didn’t expect for as much chaos to ensue as it did

A/N: Reader has a twin brother, but no name is mentioned

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

“Shut the fuck up!”

It was sad for him to admit, but the only way Bruce could tell if everyone was okay within his household, was if there was complete and utter chaos.

The screams and other loud noises used to give the man a heart attack. That is, until he realized that the silence was much, much worse.

Coming back from a long night of patrol to his two adopted twins bickering over pancakes would not be ideal for other parents. But for him, it was just what he needed.

“No,” Your twin brother hissed back, eyes narrowing dangerously at you, “You shut the fuck up and back off, I saw it first.”

A dramatic scoff escaped your lips and you rolled your eyes up to the ceiling, “Liar.”

All of your other siblings sat around the table, calmly eating their own breakfasts, not even noticing Bruce slip into his own seat.

“I’m the liar?” He shreiked back, “At least I’m not the one who told Bruce I didn’t know how the batmobile ended up scratched!”

Bruce looked up with raised eyebrows, your siblings also faltering to see what would happen with this newfound information.

“I told you that,” You screamed before taking a deep breath, “in confidence!”

That’s when your adopted father sighed and made his presence known, “That’s enough, both of you. Just sit down and eat.” He turned his gaze to specifically train on you, “And as for the veichle, we’ll discuss that later.”

Though the chaos ensured that everyone was alive and well, that didn’t mean that he didn’t get a headache after a little while of listening to it.

You elbowed your snickering brother as you both plopped down into your seats and begrudgingly split the stack of pancakes you had been fighting over that would have been way too much for just one of you anyway.

Not even two moments of silence passed before you and your brother were back at it again, glares returned and annoyance to the max.

Tim groaned in protest to your ever-raising voices, dropping his head onto the table in exhaustion. Jason and Damain rolled their eyes in sync, shoving food into their mouth, completely unaware that the other was doing the same. And Dick and Bruce both extanged exasperated looks.

“Why do you two argue so much?” Tim’s voice came out muffled from the tablecloth, only to be ignored.

“Becuase they are both imbeciles.” Damain scoffed, rolling his eyes at the duo once again.

“Listen here, motherfucker,” You stated through gritted teeth, “You better take that back, or I swear I will make you regret it.”

Your brother held his hands up in overly-mock terror, “Oh no! I’m so scared!”

“That’s it!” You let out a battle cry, jumping up and tackling him off his seat and onto the floor, a squeak of shock leaving his lips in return.

Dick and Bruce immediately stood up and rushed over to the pair of you, who were wresting on the ground, and tried to pull you off of one another, unsuccessfully.

Just then, Alfred walked into the room and took servey of everything going on before calmly walking over to the two of you- both Bruce and Dick parting ways for him- and swiftly grabbed you each by the ear and pulled you to your feet.

Both of you let out shouts of protest, petty fight automaticlly forgotten as your butler dragged both of you back to your seats and firmly pushed you to sit there.

“Now,” He spoke firmly, his face set in a stern way as he looked between the two of you, “There will be no more fighting during meal times, or there will be consequences.”

You and your twin both shrunk back from the man, nodding your heads vigorously to show that you understood.

Everyone else watched in utter shock at the fact that Alfred was the only one capable of controlling the two of you, and your hurricane of chaos that followed wherever the pair of you went.

He nodded his head once and smiled as if nothing happened, and patted his hands together as if to shake off dust, “Very well. Now, who wants seconds?”

The Superior Robin ❤️- @ineedmorefanfics2 @sambucky8 @spidyyparker @i-writes-things

[euniexenoblade]

getting really sick of dumbass mother fuckers in my activity trying to redefine words that exist to talk about transmisogyny "its my opinion tme is only about trans men" "its my opinion transfem just means trans and feminine" yeah well it's my opinion that "masc" means "dumbass motherfucker" so you have to respect my opinion according to your logic.

[flawlesspider]

Can like some MSI fans shut up? Okay, we get it, you “don’t support the band!” Mother fucker you’re listening to the music, you know what he’s saying and talking about, and none of them do research half of the god damn time, “What about the lawsuit?!” I don’t care, I like the band, yea, I like the music and members, absolutely, I am not saying that I think pedophilla is okay, obviously, don’t automatically think I do just because I like some fucking music, that shit is stupid.

I hate those motherfuckers who keep having to add “I don’t support the band!!” In every thing about MSI, just enjoy it and shut up, obviously no actual MSI fan supports pedophilla.

This is just something I wanted to say. @ashh-does-art