#getting less and less close to. and being a teenager is beautiful and exciting and so scary and its the beginning of spring!!!!!!!

[septemberpdf]

everyday i am delighted by human connection

[ghostbite0]

The horrors have returned D: I hope you get better soon!

Anyway if you're up to it I'd love to hear about the pint sized pillars "kid modes" that they have. It's so cute :( I just want them to have happy childhoods

hi anon! im so sorry i took so long to respond to this ask— this ended up in my drafts with how often i was going back to edit it haha ;u; i had to brainstorm a bit!

in order of eldest to youngest—

gyomei

sweetest soft spoken sensitive teenager ever

he really doesn’t change all that much— he’s definitely less “leadery” and “old” though. he acts like any other kid

very gentle and humble. he gets easily flustered

amane gave him a kiss on the head and gyomei had to excuse himself

sanemi and tengen found him knelt down and trying to hold back tears. he was not expecting such affection since he’s used to always being the caretaker

one day he was deep in kid mode while everyone else was fine. and him being so naturally kind and loving caused several of them to drop down with him

tengen

he’s 10x more silly and playful

however it’s also obvious he has some self confidence issues

tengen doesn’t go kid mode a lot but when he does he gets really embarrassed and upset about being seen like that

he’s like those disney channel cartoons where the little kid thinks someone is really beautiful so he constantly gives them flowers and gifts. thats him with suma, makio, and hinatsuru

“honey you don’t need to do that… we’re all married to you in the future!”

“WE’RE MARRIED?”

when tengen recovers from kid mode he is as red as a tomato while his wives fawn over him and reassure him its okay

kid mode tengen loves playing with the little ones, and rough-housing with sanemi and rengoku

giyuu

ohhhhh he’s a happy little thing. it freaks everyone out at first

very friendly and compassionate, though he mostly keeps to himself

kid mode giyuu is a little more talkative, but only after he comes out of his shell

usually it’s one of the older boys or shinobu who can get him to engage with everyone

if one of the other kids struggles he will awkwardly shuffle over and give them a hug

kid mode giyuu is fairly close with rengoku, kid mode or not

he also really likes being around sanemi and obanai, since they are his age

if all three of them , or if just sanemi and obanai , are in kid mode, they’re a trio of best friends

sanemi

he is so god damn helpful

sanemi is pretty sweet and smiley, and he always leaps at the opportunity to help one of the other kids

kid mode sanemi tends to constantly wander up to kagaya (or whoever is babysitting) and ask what he can do

but every time they just reassure him its ok, and he should go be a kid and play with the other ones

he’s disappointed but then he gets really excited when tengen and rengoku invite him to play and he’s the happiest little thing

kid mode sanemi likes hanging out with the big kids, especially tengen. tengen (and kid mode tengen) think its sweet, and make a point of including him whenever they can

he’s weirded out by genya being older and taller than him but genya makes up for it via piggy back rides

obanai

shy and jittery little thing. he doesn’t drop his guard until a bit into the transformation, even in kid mode

usually the telltale sign of obanai being in kid mode is how small he looks. he curls in on himself and his eyebrows furrow with anxiety

he’s also way more flustered around mitsuri. he has a big crush on her. kid mode mitsuri and mitsuri both find it adorable— though she doesn’t recognize the “crush” aspect. mitsuri just finds obanai very sweet and open

he is also really sensitive. you break a rule in a game? he’s upset. you take someone’s spot? he’s upset. you try to steal food from mitsuri? run

he always needs to be warm … if obanai is the only one in kid mode, you better believe everyone is offering him a warm hug or snuggles

obanai has a hard time choosing who to go to, so then half of them/all of them have a group hug

he whispers a lot. it can be hard to hear him sometimes

when he wants something, he frames it as “kaburamaru wants x” or “kaburamaru says y”

rengoku

think regular rengoku but now a literal child

honestly people cannot tell when he’s in kid mode or not. rengoku is sweet and chaotic no matter what

though kid mode rengoku tends to address everyone in a very polite manner. he calls gyomei “mr. himejima,” despite gyomei telling him he didn’t have to

he does get a little sad when people mention his dad. he will straight up start crying his heart out if he’s reminded of his mom in any way

kid mode rengoku tries to be a big brother to senjuro, and senjuro plays along, but then it cuts to rengoku being fast asleep and senjuro tucking him in, or senjuro having to help his brother get ready for bed

rengoku talks about senjuro whenever he can, kid mode especially. he has no filter at all

he would be a leash kid purely because he has a habit of forgetting small things and getting distracted and wandering off because he saw a cool butterfly and wanted to tell senjuro about it

mitsuri

similar to rengoku she doesn’t change all that much, but she’s even sweeter and more emotional than before

and like rengoku she’s more polite, though she doesn’t really have any problem asking for things or communicating her needs

kid mode mitsuri wanted to rough house too, but the older boys thought she would get hurt. she proceeded to lift sanemi up and hold him above her head

since then she has been invited to play with them every single session

she thinks obanai is super cute and is less filtered about it. same with muichiro, though mitsuri will just walk over and pinch his cheeks or scoop him up into a hug

when they play house, mitsuri is always the mama, and muichiro is always her baby

she and shinobu regularly team up to do the boy’s hair and makeup

shinobu

mischievous little beast

scary smart, but way more obvious about it

this four year old will casually list all the elements on the periodic table then pretend nothing happened , as to intimidate the others

everyone fears her

LOTS of batting her eyelashes and an extended “pleeeeaaaaassssseeee”

she has her rage and can be a grumpy kid. she’s usually well behaved, but if she didn’t get a nap, or if she’s hungry, that’s when she gets more bristly and sensitive

shinobu tends to be more open too. there’s multiple instances where she started getting really sad out of nowhere, and when pulled aside by gyomei, she would start crying about how much she misses her big sister

she and kanao are still extremely close. kanao loves having a little sister, and does her hair and plays dress up with her

she still pesters giyuu. though when giyuu is also in kid mode, the two can usually be found giggling and chatting, and giyuu will give her piggy back rides and what not

muichiro

literally a one year old baby

the sweetest and happiest little baby. he is usually seen smiling and his giggles will fill up the room

he loves being around the others. he especially loves “play time” because he’ll crawl around on the ground and go right up to people

mostly gyomei. he mostly approaches gyomei

but as happy as he is, he cries pretty easily. can’t find his stuffed bunny? cries. cant fall asleep? cries

everyone spoils the hell out of him. they love when he goes baby mode. he is the cutest little thing

lots of idle babbles and muichiro making one-worded sentences that mostly consist of him saying someone’s name or pointing out something

amane and kagaya are extremely paternal to the point baby mode muichiro refers to them as his mama and papa

it breaks everyone’s heart

the baby always wants someone’s attention. even if its as simple as being in their arms. he especially loves being with gyomei

there have been several instances where he noticed obanai wasn’t eating, and would try to feed him his baby food so “obi” could get a full belly

tengen and sanemi started laughing and it resulted in the two getting a face full of mushed up veggies and rice

[pricklepearbloom]

Baked With Love

Pairing: Azriel x plus-size OC Aurora (Rory)

Warnings: mild angst, some body shaming, asshole!Cassian

Word count: 2.2K

“Shhhhhhoot” Aurora hissed quietly when the knife that she had been using to chop apples for the apple pie she was making for her new mate Azriel. Aurora was a baker with her own bakery in the Rainbow district of Velaris. Ever since she was a kid, she loved helping her mother in the kitchen, making everything from tarts and pastries to pies and cakes for anyone that would walk by their home. Her mom taught her everything she knew, and she used all of her family secret recipes to open her own shop so she could share that joy with everyone. Baking was something that centered her, something she knew how to do and do well.

After she met her mate Azriel who had come in one day to order a cake for Cassian’s birthday, things moved very quickly. Very quickly. Within two weeks of courting, she offered him an entire double chocolate mousse cake with homemade ice cream on the side. Perhaps they should have gotten to know each other a bit more but he was just so perfect, and he was her mate for mother’s sake. How could she not accept?

Unfortunately, this did mean that they were still getting to know each other after the initial mating frenzy had settled down. So, in efforts of becoming better acquainted Aurora would meet Azriel every morning after his morning training with Cassian with some assortment of baked goods. She would be late at this point if she didn’t get this blasted pie in the oven before the morning rush started. After mixing the chopped apples with the cinnamon sugar mixture she carefully poured it into a prepped pie dish. She grabbed the bowl of premade sugar crumbles that goes on top and finished the pie off with a flourish of her wrist resulting in her missing the dish completely. An internal shrug to herself as she popped the pie in the oven setting a timer before quickly cleaning her area and peeking her head out of the back so that she was in ear shot of her teenaged employee, Noah, who was manning the register that morning. “Noah!” Noah’s head lazily tipped over from resting on her hand being the only indicator that she was listening. “I’m going to head out to go get dressed, I’ll be back in a while to get the pie that’s in the oven van you make sure to take it out when the timer goes off?” Noah stuck her hand in the air with a thumb up which made Aurora roll her eyes.

Noah was the niece of a close friend who needed some help with responsibility and Aurora, like always, was more than happy to lend a helping hand. Although she had a less than sunny disposition, she seemed to do well with the structure that Aurora had given her at the bakery. She had been working there for several months so Aurora knew she could trust her to run it by herself until the midday workers came in to relieve her. Aurora whipped off her apron and hung it on the rack next to the door to the kitchen before heading home to get dressed into something nicer than her baking outfit of leggings and a baggy shirt with flour and holes scattered around it. Her nerves were picking up the closer she got to seeing her mate, she knew his hair would be wet from being freshly washed after his training session with Cassian and he would smell like soap. She was practically buzzing with excitement; she hadn’t seen him in a couple of days due to him being off on a mission in the Hewn City and it was killing her being without him even for that short period of time.

Azriel was never a glutton for food but after being mated to a baker for a few months he discovered a hungry he never knew existed. Perhaps it was just a hunger for the beautiful baker who gave him the treats daily, he mused silently while unwrapping his hands from the training session. Cassian was on the mat next to him stretching his arms, both males shirtless and glistening from the hard work out. Cassian glanced up from the ground and his eyes flickered down to Azriel’s stomach and he smirked slightly. “Rory’s got you pretty whipped huh?” “Don’t call her that.” Azriel says instinctively before glancing down in confusion “What makes you say that?” Cassian changed arms with a nonchalant shrug that made Azriel uncomfortable “It’s just… are you sure you’ll be able to keep up with all of the garbage she’s been feeding you? I mean I don’t want to be rude or anything, I’m just concerned that you gaining weight will get you hurt on the battlefield ya know? Just trying to look out for you.” Cassian tossed casually like he wasn’t opening up an insecurity that Azriel had been struggling with lately. “I mean… it’s not like I’ve gained that much weight” Azriel said shifting slightly when Cassian snorted softly. “Hey man it’s none of my business but soon you’ll have as thick of thighs as your mate and I don’t know how much use you’ll be then.”

Fury burned through Azriel like nothing he had ever felt before. His fist connected with Cassian’s cheekbone before he even knew what was happening, operating purely on instinct. “Keep my mate out of your fucking mouth.” He spat as he landed blow after blow on the male. The commotion had roused the attention of Rhys who was doing his own workout across the room. Azriel felt hands and dark magic pulling him off of Cassian, his shadows frantically buzzing around him in a rage. “What the hell is going on here?” Rhys said in between the two looking back and forth between them. “Ask him.” Azriel spat before disappearing into the shadows into his bedchambers.

Gazing at himself in the mirror his washroom, Azriel couldn’t help but gaze at parts of his body. He was still fit but he could feel his stomach wasn’t as tight as it once was, and shame burned through him. How could he be of any use if he wasn’t in perfect fighting shape. Would Rory stop loving him if he gained weight? Would she stop loving him if he lost his position because he couldn’t keep up? Would she find someone more suitable? Someone like Cassian? No, his brain insisted. There was no way she would leave him for Cassian, she didn’t really like Cassian, said he just felt off to her. But someone else, someone more competent, surer of themselves if anything else. A rogue anger burnt through him at himself for accepting all of those treats that Rory made him. He would stop eating them and only eat at mealtimes and even then, only healthy foods. Azriel tore himself away from the mirror unable to continue looking at himself any longer. He still needed to shower before meeting up with Rory underneath their tree that sat on a hill overlooking the Sidra.

When he got there his shadows immediately seeked out Rory, gliding up and down her body as if to reassure themselves that she was there. She was already sitting on a blanket that she had set up before he got there. Feeling the coolness of his shadows breeze over her summer dress she giggled at the ticklish feeling before looking behind where she knew her mate would be standing. Azriel’s eyes took in the dishes that she had set out and the bright smile that shone on her face directed at him. Azriel’s anger settled until he saw what she held in her hands. A freshly baked apple pie with steam still dancing out of it. His favorite. It’s like she knew his decision to stop eating sweets and came with a heavy hitter. Suddenly, his anger had a new target. “Are you kidding me?” He nearly spat out. Aurora’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion and she reared back at his tone of voice. “Wh-what’s wrong?” She glanced down at the pie, “you do like apple pie, right? I could have sworn that it was your favorite.” Azriel’s eyes darkened with her words. “Are you doing this on purpose? Trying to fatten me up so I won’t be able to leave on missions again?” Shock shot through Aurora like a punch to the gut and she froze not understanding what was going on, her mouth opening and closing gaping like a fish. “I- I’m sorr-“ she started before Azriel cut her off “Don’t be sorry just stop trying to constantly shove food in my mouth, I’m your mate not a fucking charity case.” Each word felt wrong coming out of his mouth but it’s like he couldn’t stop even when he felt the overwhelming confusion and hurt being sent down the bond. It was silent for a bit, both processing what Azriel had said.

 A sound cut through the silence cutting Azriel down to two inches tall, Aurora’s soft sob. Pain laced through his bones at the knowledge that he was the one to put the tears on her cheeks and he made to move closer to her. “Rory…” She quickly wiped the tears from her face and stood up leaving the pie by her feet, facing him dead on with a finger to his chest. “I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you, but you will not speak to me that way. I deserve to be treated with more respect than that. I know we don’t know each other that well yet but I really hope this was just a bad day because I will not live with a man who makes me feel this way Azriel. I won’t do it.” Tears still steadily rolled down her cheeks as she spoke shakily, but she ignored them and continued on, “So sit down and tell me what is really going on because I know that it’s not my fucking pie” she threw the expletive back into his face. Guilt rushed through Azriel as he quietly sat down on the blanket, his shadows had covered him in defense to shield him from the vulnerability of having to explain what happened this morning. Aurora sat waiting expectantly for an explanation and Azriel couldn’t help but glance down at the pie which sat far from forgotten between them before beginning to explain what had transpired this morning.

Aurora had listened intently softening slightly as his story went on. She had struggled with her body image for years, so she knew the way insecurities could take over your brain. “Az I’m really sorry that that happened. No matter what you look like I will always be here for you. I wish that you had just explained to me what had happened instead of lashing out. That’s not okay with me.” Azriel looked down at his fingers twisting them before releasing them, he wasn’t used to having to talk openly about his feelings and thoughts. It was harder than he realized but Aurora seemed to handle herself so elegantly and his love for her burned through him. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that at all. I knew I was still angry about this morning, but I just wanted to see you so bad I didn’t know I would lash out so badly at what you brought. If I’m ever feeling this way again, I’ll make sure I’m completely cooled off before seeing you. I think I would rather have you take truth-teller to my neck than see you cry again.” Azriel looked up to see her smiling softly at him giving him a little nod. “Ok.” She said simply, Azriel looked up a bit confused. He was waiting for the fighting, for her to degrade him or tell him he was to find somewhere else to sleep for the night. “Ok?” he asked hesitantly “Yeah. You made a mistake, you apologized and said you wouldn’t do it again. I’m taking you at your word and honestly Az, I haven’t seen you in days and I just really want a hug.” She sighed tiredly. She didn’t have to wait longer than a breath before she was wrapped up in Azriel’s arms with his head nuzzled into her neck taking in her sweet scent of vanilla and sugar that never seemed to leave her skin. “I missed you.” He muttered against her neck before leaving a firm but gentle kiss on her neck. She sighed contentedly into his chest, burrowing deeper if possible, “I missed you too… I’m going to kill Cassian the next time I see him.” Azriel let out a deep chuckle raising his head from her neck to gaze adoringly down at her. His hand found home on her cheek stroking lightly “Easy tiger.” He teased lightly before placing a soft kiss on her plump lips. “How about we take this pie to go and I’ll show you how sorry I am.” Heat burned through her cheeks and her lower stomach at his words. She nodded slightly and let him whisk her through the shadows to their home where they spent the rest of the day reacquainting themselves with each other’s bodies. Only taking breaks to drink water and share some pie straight from the dish that was sitting right on the nightstand.

[wings-of-ink]

I was wondering what the Ro's would do to/with Mc on valentine's day or a festival like it? (crushing and dating stage)

Sweet Ask, Anon!

I still haven’t fleshed out any specific holidays in the world yet, but for the Ask, we’ll assume one like you suggested, that focuses on romance and love.

Oswin:

Crushing:  Think–nervous teenager on their first date. Especially if this is the sort of celebration that you’d only spend with someone you really care for, he’s sweating  bullets (arrows?). Being very unintentionally cute. He brings a gift, buys MC food, takes them to all the sights.

Dating:  Less nervous, more dashing. Has a romantic dinner planned, takes MC to a show - a play or a dance. Wants to end the night privately, a little blanket next to a body of water, just for two.

Zahn:

Crushing:  Big chihuahua energy. So excited, also nervous. Wanting and hoping that this leads to something bigger than just idle flirtation. Analyzing all of MC’s actions and words. Wants to play games and eat food.

Dating:  Smaller chihuahua energy, still excited but not nervous. Very flirty, showing off MC, wants to be close. Still wants food and games.

Duri:

Crushing:  Making jokes and flirting with MC. Teasing MC about being in love with them, but they’re the ones gushing…Keeps MC on the edge of the crowd, takes them to watch performers (like fire-breathing and such).

Dating:  Hovers very near, wants to avoid crowds, might pout for attention. Teasing has less bite and is more endearing. Wants MC to go to a private spot with them to just be in each other’s company.

Rune: 

Crushing:  Brings a gift for MC, feels unsure of what to do or how to act. They’ve taken part of this celebration before, but it seemed more routine…this is…different. They follow MC all over and participate in whatever they like. Wants to end the night side by side, listening to beautiful music.

Dating:  Brings even bigger gift. Is excited, tries to hide it. Takes MC out for a nice meal or drink and to see any sights or performances nearby. Has planned a secret musical number for them to dance to.

???:

Same for both:  Very excited, wants to see and do everything. Struggling a bit to keep it toned down. Grabbing MC’s hand to tote them all over - buying gifts, playing games, whatever he can find. Getting very affectionate as the night rolls on, may need a bap on the nose.

Thank you for the Ask! ^_^

[v3nusxsky]

A fresh start

*Authors note~ the first chapter of the story is here I hope you guys like it*

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

They say that every ending is a new beginning we just don't know it yet. That was something you truly believed in, that was why when you closed your door on your past relationship you were excited to see the new one opening. You had no idea where it would take you or what what your new adventure would bring but that was what life is. A bunch of new experiences that would make your story of life. Opening yourself up to new experiences was nerve wracking but for some reason life always had a way of getting you exactly where you needed to be.

That just so happened to be leaving your home town. A fresh start, with new people in a new place. A chance to shake off the past and finally do what makes you happy. Teaching was always something you wanted to do, you are passionate about helping children create a better future for themselves and the world. But specifically you loved the idea of teaching outcasts. Children that are notoriously overlooked and unwanted in the public eye. Children that are overlooked and under appreciated by other people. Children who deserve the same love care attention and education that everyone else gets.

Finding Nevermore appeared to be what fate designed for you. So when it came to accepting the job offer for a job as the potions teacher, you moved into the school the same day, the principal seeming nice enough and from what you heard about the students you couldn't wait to get started. Obviously you had a busy time ahead but that's just what the doctor ordered. You crashed as soon as you were shown to your room, which just so happened to be right next door to the principals room.

It took a few days to get your room to feel like yours and honestly you hadn't had time to explore much of the school grounds or meet any of the other staff members really, you'd seen some in passing buy no where near having a friend. The principal would check on you every now and then to see how you were settling in. But it never went above and beyond that. So now you had your room sorted and a few lessons planned you decided to take a walk to get familiar with your surroundings.

To say Nevermore was beautiful was an understatement truly, the stone walls that are entangled with vines looking like something from the princess fairy tales you watched as a child. The inside of the school being more Morden but none the less, sophisticated and beautiful in its own right. The halls seeming rather wide and the quad very relaxing, although you could imagine with groups rambunctious teenagers would put pay to the tranquility.

In your wondering you managed to find your classroom for the year. It was light and airy and definitely had enough room for a cauldron and live demonstrations with the whole class. You made your way to your desk and began to flick through the notes you found on your desk, containing things like the code of the computer and curriculum and class lists for the semester. You were so engaged in what you were reading, taking on every single bit of information you possibly could, that you missed the arrival of someone at your door.

"I see you found your way around now?" Larissa stated with a kind smile which caused you to flush a bright red. "I yeah I was just reading over the notes I was left, really want to be prepared for when the children come in next week" you murmured back tearing your eyes from the paper and becoming starstruck by the sight of the tall blonde. There was no dying she is attractive of course but she's you boss and it's so inappropriate that you push those feelings down. "Very smart miss Parker, have you got the chance to see Jericho?"

You and Larissa made pleasant conversations and she even gave you a few suggestions of places to check out. The weathervane being her favourite and apparently they sold amazing hot chocolate. After reassuring her that you would indeed explore more of Jericho another day she reminded you that her office door was always open, she knew how overwhelming it could be and always made sure to be there for her staff members which you were now one of. You could see life being to look up and there was nothing more you were ready for than this new chapter of life.

[honeyed-latte]

Fucked Up Pom Lore:

Totally up to yall if you read this, you have been warned, this WILL have emotional whump and it WILL handle very polarizing, kind of gross topics. Pom is an OC close to my heart now BECAUSE of the touchy subjects in her lore.

Its long as hell bc Im a yapper.

Due to how Tumblr works their blacklisting, I wont be censoring the words for the safety of those who have them blacklisted!

So, TW: Manipulation

TW: Religious Trauma

TW: Emotional Whump

TW: Accidental Incest (mentioned, no details)

TW: Suicidal Ideation

TW: Unreliable Narrator

TW: Emotional Cheating

Pom was aware of her family dynamic, Valka never hid that she had a very alive father and brother, but much like her mother Pom was of a mind that Berk was hostile toward dragons— unacceptable.

Thus, Stoick and Hiccup were unworthy of Poms consideration, let alone unworthy of meeting her at all. She is a dragon, they don't like dragons, it's simple math.

But thats not to say she didn't love them as fiercely as she was able, built by Valkas tales of her father and all the sweet stories of her brother. Her mother says the Gods have bigger plans for the women of their family.

—

Hiccup, during his year on Dragons Edge, prone to his love for cartography and adventure, finds himself on a unusually lush island to the north-east of Dragons Edge. It just barely skirts the Dragon Hunters typical stomping grounds and its a beauty.

He fully intends to map it, to scout it's dragon population and maybe make a few friends in the process. He's not fully aware he's being stalked by a human until he's a full day into his work and Toothless's prickly attitude tips him off.

The issue is he can't find them, he can't see anyone at all...

He decides to stay a few days, three maybe, just to get the full island and so far the presence isn't malicious, even Toothless's attitude mellows after the first day.

On the third and final day after waking earlier then usual, he finally manages to spot the person he theorized was stalking him. A young girl, around his age, bathing in the spring at the center of the island. The dragons milling around don't seem threatened or perturbed at all by her as she unobtrusively splashes her unruly, long hair and even with Toothless nudging him judgementally- Hiccup is a teenage boy, he is not immune to a pretty girl naked dripping in water.

He stares. Hard.

He does more then stare, fumbles out a journal and draws the seemingly feral girl. Splashing the water, grinning at the Wooly Howll that slapped her back with it's tail, and when she pulls herself out to dry on the rocks- spread out like a content dragon in the morning light.

She's braiding flowers into her red hair when he cracks a twig and she catches his eyes, a mirror of green. Hiccup runs, because he doesnt really know what else to do?

But he doesn't feel eyes on him for the rest of the day, he feels horribly guilty and creepy for looking and then drawing her, but she was strange and pretty and he's just a man???

He sleeps uneasy and wakes to a familiar flower tucked into his pauldron. Its more charming then alarming.

—

Poms never seen a man up close, Valka does any sort of battle needed with Hunters, and Queen Mala always meets them alone. So seeing the Howl Island suddenly have a stand alone man on it is....weird and exciting, his dragon is even more interesting- a Night Fury, probably the last one alive, what a find.

So she watches, and follows, and learns. His dragon, Toothless, welcomes her at their fire when his man sleeps, they talk. Toothless is a great conversationalist but she attributes that to his rider who also seems chatty.

It's less insulting or terrifying that he snuck up on her while she bathed, if he'd tried to hurt her SunBurn would have crisped him like a fish. But he didnt. So his fear seemed a bit of an overreaction....

So she tried to soothe any worry, putting a little Viking Pom in his armour as he slept, Toothless's wary eyes on her all the while.

—

Duties drag him home but he comes back swiftly, curious and perhaps a bit more.

He spends two weeks on that little island building tenuous trust with the feral girl, watching her free fall and fly with the Typhoomerang that had watched over her that morning, racing them, watching her bond with Toothless, he spends four days convinced she cant speak and doesnt understand him but he talks anyway.

She speaks, a rigid and proper way in fact with the most odd resonance, and tells him he's the only man she's ever seen. So he tells her stories, shows her maps, lets her put flower crowns around his head and stems tied to his fingers like rings.

Like they've known one another forever, he learns about her too. She learned her vocabulary from books, she lives with her mother, she isn't from this island and is only here to help the baby dragons, she was raised with dragons, the scar on her shoulder was from an injured Gronkle she saved.

It feels like a lifetime, just them. They just get one another effortlessly.

Other things take place as well, intimate things, often actually, and Hiccup only realizes they never exchanged names when he's hugging her goodbye for the final time. It feels right to not know, they'll never see eachother again after they part, if he knows he'll want to find her when the war is over- he can't do that. So they remain "Sunhair", what the dragons call her (apparently), and "Man".

Meeting her again two years later, as his mother (his mom!) drags him into a smaller rotunda of ice inside the Alpha's Sanctuary is not the meeting he had hoped for. Neither is he as elated by the acquisition of a sister as he was by his mother.

Valka doesnt ask, Pom doesn't tell, Hiccup ignores the disgust and dread in favour of battle and newfound family- then Stoick dies.

Its all a mess after that. He's Chief and his family was halved yet again, and the one person in the world who he felt was his truest equal is his sister because of course she is, that makes sense doesn't it?

The sudden fraternal feelings war with the memory of a girl he felt he could have loved under different circumstances, he figures Pom feels the same.

She's closer with Eret then him, and he tries not to be jealous about it, but he can't blame her when he can't even meet her eyes somedays.

Is it better if Eret is the brother she wishes for or the lover she can actually attain? Hiccup can't be either of those things.

—

Eret is Pom's bestfriend, only friend really, they're both outsiders watched warily by Berkians and especially Hiccup's friends.

He almost is like a brother, a proper one, one that doesn't stay from her like she's diseased or look pale when she hugs him.

Hiccup doesn't turn her away, he even welcomes her into his home as he did with Valka, but he doesn't seek her out unless he's truly troubled.

Astrid is another hurdle entirely, Pom doesn't like her. She's insubordinate, doesn't show the Queen of her nest respect even though she's to be his wife (thats something Pom avoids thinking about), she is meant to be a pillar of strength and confidence as Hiccup's mate where all can find comfort and instead she hurts them physically or insults them verbally.

Human rules are perturbing, Astrid is allowed all of this and even excused it because..."reasons". In a nest, a real one, Pom would have made her dislike known and they would battle until one perished or was exiled in their failure.

Humans aren't dragons.

So she has to pretend to like the girl to "keep peace" and swallow back all the manners she learned from her people for the sake of her brother.

Her brother.

The brother that won't look in her eyes and won't break fast with her most days, the one that doesn't touch her unless she closes the distance and jumps away as if they're filthy if someone so much as glances them touching hands.

Its all a big joke of Loki's most likely or the Gods are punishing them, its likely her fault. She should have asked his name two years ago.

She debates leaving often, only soothed by Valka's frustration and Erets fretting, she would see herself away from this Tribe thats not hers and a brother that isn't a brother any more then Stoick was her father, she would stay in the Sanctuary like she always did.

--Or perhaps drop into the sea, allow SunBurn to stay safe among a nest with the Alpha.

Pom dreams of death more then she does leaving, more then she dreams of Hiccups hands, more then she has nightmares of Stoicks body and Dragos army and the fury burning in Hiccups eyes.

If she were to die then Hiccup's conscience would be freed and cleared, he'd not worry of others learning the shame he has, Berk would lose nothing and neither would her Dragons. Valka would mourn, surely Eret as well, but they're safe and they're whole and thats what matters. Hiccup, as a Chief and Queen, would rule stronger if she weren't in his shadow.

—

Hiccup disagree's with Pom's feelings even if he doesn't know them.

In fact its an ongoing source of night terrors; Pom leaving, Pom taking the plasma blast that killed his dad (she had actually tried to, and that doesnt help the nightmares), never having found her at all.

He's conflicted before anything else, they both seem to agree not to mention it but he suspects Valka knows, somedays he thinks Eret and Astrid might as well.

Astrid doesn't know and she never will if he has any say, his and Pom's tryst predated their relationship and in a normal circumstance he still wouldn't have told her, it would just be undue pressure.

Its stressful all the time, only finding reprieve in ale and in the early hours of the morning. It was an accident, it hasn't occured since, now that they know who the other is it'll never happen again. That's good, no sacrilegious temptations, except that he feels just as discontent with the idea that they'll never have that connection back as he is with the knowledge that it happened at all.

Loving her and being in love with her both feel damning, but its there all the same.

What a horrific joke this all turned into.

[sickficideas]

some hcs i’ve been thinking of recently …!

- dazai gets short of breath easily and coughs often due to his attempts at drowning leaving some water in his lungs

- ranpo gets stress induced low grade fevers when he feels that he messed up

- when fukuzawa first took in ranpo, ranpo got sick regularly bc his immune system got rather weak after living on streets

- firm believer that ranpo gets motion sick and that’s part of why he doesn’t care to learn how to take the train- he’s less likely to get asked to run errands since he needs to someone to with him. but eventually he’ll have to take the train and although he manages to figure it out, one of the members has to pick him up bc he feels so weak after emptying his stomach on the train

- kenji won’t eat for prolonged periods of time in case his ability is needed but this results in him getting dizzy and fainting when he gets up quickly

- yosano gets migraines when cleaning the infirmary because the chemicals irritate her

- sometimes when dazai falls asleep at his desk he’ll have nightmares and is so stressed out when he wakes up that he throws up

also ty for your blog T_T i love it so much we need more bsd sickfic people !!!!! love your content lots 🫡

when i read your fics i always feel inspired to start one myself lolol also sorry this is kinda long

ANON NEVER APOLOGIZE this is such a fantastic list and it's beautifully long i couldn't be more grateful for finding this in my inbox...AND THANK U SO MUCH i am so happy to create content for you guys and YOURE INSPIRING ME WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL LIST!! anon please write a fic you have great ideas!!! Send it to me if you do!!! until then u should totally send over some port mafia headcanons to match this list teehee😏

- the dazai ones are so...💔 the nightmares were things that he was able to easily brush off at first and he could chalk down the throwing up to just being hungover, but they get worse over time the more time he's away from the mafia, it gets so much harder for him to brush it off and he goes quiet for a while to process it. kunikida will take him over to the couch and encourage him to rest or distract himself and offers to stay with him, even if he's just doing his work real close by 💔 and you're so right i like the short of breath bit a lot, he will Die taking the stairs at the agency. begs atsushi to carry him whenever the elevator is out of service

- RANPOOOO....I never considered motion sick ranpo before but it's perfect 😭 that first time he went with atsushi he was probably like wait okay he doesn't know how to use the train but he gets motion sick too??😭😭 and the bit about him with a weak immune system i can totally imagine he and yosano as teenagers and she's taking care of him and teaching him ways to boost his immune system and take better care of himself💔 and she's always the first to notice those fevers while they're working and tries to coerce him into her office to chill out for a while 💔 she cares him so much

- i love yosano getting migraines she's so migraine sufferer coded...i love atsushi getting nauseous from the antiseptic bc of his very sensitive senses too and this is also fantastic...if he's ever helping her out and it gets too much for either of them she's like okay let's go run some errands and get some fresh air

- KENJI LITTLE BABY 😭😭😭 they all look after kenji very well i love that anthology where he overworks himself and at the end it says they all look after him better...he always thinks he's gotten used to not eating but if he gets excited and stands up too fast from his desk he'll pass out and scare everybody 😭😭😭😭

[miscelliteeous]

My Arcane S/I

Name: Marina

Age: early-40s

Height: 5' (taller in her heels)

Biography: Marina worked in a factory in Zaun and befriended Silco and Vander when they were about teenagers, quickly getting very invested in Silco's ideas, though she was much more of a free-spirit pacifist type with a naive belief that anything could be achieved peacefully and through working together, the kind of person that's full of too much hope and cheerfulness for her situation, partially because it was really all she had at the time. Eventually, she started to date Silco, which unfortunately put a major target on her back. So, in her early 20s, she went missing for a week, and was dropped of a week later, missing two fingers, four teeth, and an ear, badly beaten, and sliced up. After she eventually healed, she was able to confess that her kidnappers had taken her to 'teach Silco a lesson' and get him to give up. She didn't talk much, and couldn't leave her apartment for over a month before she and Silco reluctantly decided the best thing for her to do would be to leave and get as far from Zaun and Piltover as possible, breaking up. Marina promised she would return someday, and she left to travel the world.

For well over a decade she traveled and saw many beautiful and exciting places, but she never felt like she really belonged in any of them, never staying for more than a few months. While a lot more guarded than before, she was still mostly friendly and kind, and even wound up with a small fortune on her hands when an elderly friend she had made during her travels passed away. Despite it all, she still felt like something was missing, she wasn't happy.

She returned to Zaun, realizing that despite all her travels, her heart had remained in Zaun and she needed to find him. After searching a few days, she finally found Silco at the exact worst, or possibly best, moment: right after he had become a father. Marina was worried he wouldn't still want to be with her after such a long absence, but he needed her then more than ever and she was more than willing to step in and help him raise Powder into Jinx.

Other Info:

Has silver dental implants replacing her pulled canines.

Marina has a prosthetic ear on her right side anchored to her skull and wears silver attachments over her missing fingers.

Good at working with metal and made all her jewelry, but jewelry is all she wants to make after spending her youth in a factory.

Very good with children but can't have any biologically.

Wasn't as close to Vander in her youth, she found him very intimidating since the guy was huge and his, at the time, well deserved reputation as a big scary fighter. But she still considered him a friend.

Took about a month after she returned to find out what exactly went down in her decade+ long absence.

Doesn't smoke but does drink occasionally. Despite not smoking, she does find it to be ridiculously hot when Silco does and she has to leave the room to calm herself.

One of her favorite morning routines is styling Silco and Jinx's hair, though it happens less the older Jinx gets.

Still does not personally partake in violence but is less bothered by the violence of others. Whatever Silco does is his own business.

If she dies, she wants it to be sudden and unexpected.

Enjoys dancing and singing, though she doesn't do them often.

Silco thought she was cloying and naive when they first met, while she had a crush from the get-go. She grew on him over time, and she's always been loyal.

She doesn't take her gloves off around anyone except Silco and Jinx, and only Silco gets to see any of the massive scars she's hiding under her clothing.

Squeamish, can't watch Silco get his injections, it makes her feel guilty for not being there to try and save him.

Vision wasn't too bad when she was younger, though she always wore her sunglasses, and she started wearing glasses in her thirties.

Can't bring herself to say no to Silco or Jinx, she caves and gives in immediately.

Despite trying to be a kind and caring person, she can turn into a real bitch fast around topsiders. Does not like them at all.

Has a sweet tooth and is constantly bringing desserts to Jinx and making sure Silco doesn't skip meals when he's busy.

Okay and as thanks for reading through my cringe here's a drawing I spent about 10 hours on:

[angiethewitch]

I'm sorry about the ppl crossing boundaries on the post about your husband. I noticed your response to the sherlock holmes person mentioned you grew up in foster care. were there any good experiences? is it an age-out system? do you get any support when you do? do you know if the welsh system is different from others? how did you meet your husband?

I had quite a turbulent couple of years in the system early on, but eventually I was in a long term placement with my mum and she eventually adopted myself and my brother (who is my only blood related sibling, the rest were either fellow adoptees or my mums bio kids). I didnt really have any good experiences with specifically the system, it was all pretty crap to be honest. the social workers themselves weren't great and messed with my head a lot. because my birth mother gave us up voluntarily, we were still in regular court supervised contact (and nowadays I can see her of my own free will, we're pretty close! she's not a mother to me but more like a friend or a cousin or something) and her social workers were nice, I really liked one specific worker she had. she was a nice Indian lady who once made me a gorgeous embroidery of a tortoise. she didn't have to, she wasn't my worker, but she did it anyway. she could have ignored us and still done her job correctly but she would chat to us and play with us during contact meetings if my birth mother wasn't feeling well or was nervous.

im not really sure if it was an age out system, I think that's more on a case by case basis, but the British system is more focused on getting kids either in long term placements (adopted or otherwise) or returning them to family eventually. the welsh system is just the British system with even less funding somehow. admittedly I don't know much about other peoples experiences, but from what I know the British system is different in the sense there aren't private adoption agencies, its funded by the government and the employees are government employees. from what I understand a lot of American carers are private carers and the adoption agencies pocket the money themselves, but I could be wrong. again I don't really know if you get support, I don't remember a lot from that time of my life, but I do know when I turned 16 my case was closed as I was considered old enough to make my own choices without state supervision. that meant I could see my birth mother without supervision and whenever I felt like it, which I did, and we grew a lot closer without a support worker stood there taking notes! I cant really speak for other people though, I don't really know or remember much. from what my family and my mum told me, there wasn't really much support after I was adopted to be honest, theoretically I was still "in the system" but in practice I was effectively left on my own from my adoption day onwards.

I met my husband through a friend, one day my friend asked if I fancied going for a drive with her and her cousin. I was actually with the girl i was seeing at the time, we weren't official or exclusive, although getting there slowly. she was invited along too. my friends cousin pulled up outside my flat and out popped this beautiful man. I thought he was much older than me because 1) he could drive and 2) he was tall and muscular and most blokes my age looked my age. turns out he's only 6 months older than me, he just looks like an absolute unit and much older. he recalls at the time that his cousin was trying to get him out socialising, because he'd actually only just started to recover from his disability and being bedbound for his entire teenage life so far. he'd only really just gained the ability to walk again at the time. he said his cousin directed him to a random flat in a rough town and out I came, an excitable manic skinny blue haired girl who he heavily suspected was on drugs (I was - I was in the depths of my cocaine addiction at the time) with a small girl in tow. apparently I danced all around the place talking a million miles an hour and hopped in the car and away we went. we ended up walking up a mountain that day. from that moment on we were inseperable, he was my best friend. I broke things off with the girl I was seeing when she started getting a little possessive, and started dating this guy who was really bad news. my husband was there for me through all of it, he was genuinely my best mate, and when things ended very badly with this guy (it's a whole other story) we started hanging out on a daily basis. he said he fell for me very quickly and decided he was going to marry me one day.

funnily enough, he'd actually known of me for years. I was his instagram crush for about 3 years before we met, and I ended up being best friends with his high school crush (you've met her, in my recent youtube video about pride. she was my maid of honour) so he knew of me far before I met him. he says he can't believe he managed to get in a relationship with his teenage instagram crush. he thinks too highly of me honestly, he utterly adores me and I adore him. we were pretty much joined at the hip from the second we met.

I will say "whirlwind romance" is an understatement, we got engaged very quickly and married just over a year after getting into a relationship. we were dumb kids playing at adulthood and we were very lucky things turned out so good, because it could have gone very badly. I think it helped that he was my best friend before and had seen me in every state imaginable - blackout drunk, manic, psychotic, self destructive, angry, sad - so he knew exactly how turbulent my life was and he decided he loved me anyway. he supported me through rehab and through the process of getting diagnosed with schizophrenia and the treatment that entailed. thankfully as we grew up we grew together and not apart. People were definitely right when they said we were too young and it was too soon though, we're just lucky we seemed to be perfectly fit to handle eachothers crap. he's the person I feel I can be completely myself around and he's supported me through so much. he's had his own struggles with physical and mental health, but I won't get into that, its his story to tell.

sorry for such a long answer, I know you only wanted to know how I met him, but I felt like telling you more. I hope this answers your questions! have a good day!

[starvin-darlin]

Addict - pt 1

my take on Quinn and Darlin meeting, part 2 already planned! lmk if u want to be tagged.

warnings : Quinn

—————————————————————————————

They knew they shouldn’t go in. The blood clubs of Dahlia were shady, unpleasant areas of the otherwise beautiful city. Places the majority of empowered people pretended didn’t exist. A cultural taboo. These businesses weren’t even allowed to display signs explaining what they were out front, leaving their advertisement only due to word of mouth and kept strictly need to know. These establishments were a juicy piece of gossip amongst younger members of the pack, while older members scolded them for daring to bring up blood clubs in civil conversation.

Maybe this is why Tank felt drawn to them that night. The lingering voice inside of them that told them they didn’t belong in the pack. That they were somehow incorrect, indecent, unable to fit in with their unkempt appearance and brash attitude. That voice was quieted by Gabe Shaw, who welcomed them with open arms and shielded them from vitriol spewed by the more elitist adults of the pack. But Gabe Shaw died in a car crash. And with his death came the return of every fear they had worked to get rid of. What was worse, was the pack, reeling from the death of their leader, seemed to return to their previous opinion of Tank. The disdaining glances, the whispering insults, the mocking jokes. All of it returned. They had lost the most important shelter they had, and what little community had formed around them, all in one car crash. They were distraught, mourning Gabe all by themselves as their pack refused to provide them company through the pain. So they found themselves doing what they never expected they would. They asked David Shaw for help. But, when they knocked on his door and sheepishly explained their situation, he only said one sentence before closing it on them, “Cant you see i’ve got more important things to deal with?”

So they shifted. And ran. Ran far away from the man they believed would’ve helped them in their hour of need. Far away from the man that shut them out when they needed him most. Eventually they ran out of stamina, well into the outskirts of the city streets. They looked around, realising how big of a city Dahlia truly was, as they had never come this way before. A neon red door was lit on the street next to him. Music was pounding from inside. Several vampires stood at the entrance talking in hushed tones and exchanging money. The writing above the door was in swoopy lettering, spelling out “Crimson”. Tank knew immediately this had to be a blood club. A shiver raced up their spine as they shifted back to their human form. They knew they shouldn’t go in. They knew it was a bad idea. They remembered every rumour the pack teenagers had shared with each other growing up. “They kidnap wolves in there!” “They steal you and sell you off to the highest bidder!” “I heard they drain you dry!”

But something in Tank wanted to go in. Some urge called them to enter. They knew they didn’t like the idea of biting, and didn’t find partying with vampires to be an exciting prospect. But the danger of the club allured them. They felt an itch within them, they wanted to do something reckless. After all, even if they got hurt, there wasn’t anyone who would come looking for them anymore. So they entered that beaming red door, after shedding their large hoodie, glad their tight red undershirt made them look a little less out of place than they felt.

As they entered, they felt like they were walking into the mouth of a beast. Every vampire they passed in the entrance turned sharply to face them, made a face like they were breathing in, then beamed two sharp fangs at them. Are they… smelling me? Tank thought, mildly freaked out. They were used to being the hunter, not the prey.

The entrance led to a bar area with a crowded dance floor. They tried to act like they knew what they were doing. They were just old enough to enter bars so they didn’t have much experience with them, let alone a vampire bar. They sat on a bar stool and ordered a drink from a curvy female vampire who seemed to be the only vampire in the room not gazing at Tank like they were their last meal. Guess shes on the clock. Tank reasoned, sipping their drink. They stared out over the dance floor. Several empowered humans danced with vampires. They all had hazy looks in their eyes, like they were severely inebriated, or in some kind of trance. Their bodies writhed and jerked against what seemed to be their companions for the night. Tank thought about the vampires they had watched trade money outside.

“They steal you and sell you off to the highest bidder!”

Tank shuddered and sipped their drink, questioning why they had felt they needed to see this place for themself.

“Well don’t you look out of place.”

They tried not to jump, turning quickly to stare at the piercing eyes that were only inches from their face. A man had sat down next to them. His dark features took them aback, they were simultaneously breathtaking and unnerving. A person that looked attractive until inspected closer, until you see their eyes were sharper than normal, and their smile extend just a bit too far up their face. A hunters face, Tank thought.

“Hello? It’s your first time here, right?”

They snapped out of whatever daze his face had captured them in to give a quick nod. He smiled warmly, contradicting his previous sinister grin.

“Yeah, I figured. You don’t seem the type to be in here.”

“What do you mean?” Tank replied, having finally worked up the courage to force words out.

“Well just look at them.” He gestured to the empowered humans on the dance floor. The dancing had become kissing for some, and biting for others. Tank watched in morbid curiosity as a woman’s fangs slid into the neck of the empowered woman she was dancing with, her partners head flying back in an expression Tank couldn’t read as only pleasure or pain. “You know why empowered people come here?” Tank shook their head. “They have no life left inside them. They feel so empty with their boring lives that they come here to experience panic, danger… ecstasy. The mundane stresses of regular life, bosses, spouses, kids, grate these people down so hard that they become empty inside. So they come here to finally feel something. Like junkies craving one last high.” His face contorted into pure disgust. Tank marvelled at how quick his face morphed into different emotions.

“And how do you know I’m not like that?” They asked, forcing some confidence into their voice.

The stranger laughed, “You? No way. You’ve got too much life inside you. In fact, I bet that’s why you’re here.”

Tank raised an eyebrow, who was this guy who acted like he knew everything about them with one look.

He continued, “I bet no one loves you enough, no one cherishes you as much as you deserve.”

They felt their face go hot, his narrow eyes focused so intensely on their face that they felt like he was looking right through them. Seriously, who was this guy??

“I think I have to go.” They mumbled out, standing out of their chair.

“Of course. Let me show you out.” The stranger stood, parting the crowd around them to lead them to the exit. Until Tank felt a hand grab the back of their shirt. A force pulled them back into the jostling crowd of the dance floor and lifted them until their feet barely scraped the ground.

A hand wrapped gently around their throat, red nails scraping their neck slightly as their head was turned to face a red headed woman with a vicious smirk on her face.

“Aren’t you pretty?” Her voice purred, the distinct smell of iron coming from her mouth. Tank tried to wrestle out of her grasp before realising they couldn’t move her an inch. They knew vampires were strong, but they had never experienced it for themselves.

“Enough Cynthia. This one is mine.” The strangers voice was deeper than before, lacking the life it had when he complimented them before. He took hold of their arm and yanked them out of the woman’s hold. The force knocked the wind out of them.

“Aww come on Quinn. You never learned to share?” She taunted with a honeyed laugh. Tank felt the stranger’s, Quinn’s, hold on their arm tighten, their skin constricted between his fingers. He held them firmly next to him. “Besides, I don’t see a claim on them!” She waggled her manicured finger at him.

Suddenly, the force on their arm jerked them closer. His hands came to hold them in place by their shoulders, with them still facing the red lipsticked grin of the woman in front of them. Tank was confused, what was going on? Until they felt a sharp pressure on their neck. The realisation sunk in. He was biting them. His slender fangs punched into the vulnerable skin of their neck, before his mouth began pulling the blood to the surface and out of the wound. They writhed, trying to struggle out of his grip. But their head was getting fuzzy, it was becoming more and more difficult to get their limbs to move, their thoughts growing quieter and quieter. Eventually they couldn’t remember where they were, why they were struggling, who they were trying to get away from. The club noise that previously overloaded their senses ebbed away, until the only sensation they were sure they were experiencing was the burning pain at their jugular.

Quinn released his fangs, the cacophony of the club crashing back into their ears as they tried to stay upright. Luckily he was still holding them by their shoulders. They slumped into his side, lacking the energy to hold themselves up.

“See? Claimed.” Quinn proclaimed, between cleaning off his fangs with his tongue. Tank’s vision was returning slowly, just enough to see Cynthia roll her eyes and turn away from them. Quinn’s arm wrapped safely around them as he led them out of the club and back out onto the street. He had tucked them underneath his large overcoat, protecting them from the cold air of night around them. He sat them both down on the pavement edge. It was nice, sharing body heat with him. But they couldn’t shake the pain of the bite from their neck. It’s burn sobered then quickly, and they jumped up from under his coat.

He spoke before they could, “I am so sorry. That should never have happened.”

They weren’t expecting a heartfelt apology, or his eyes to be brimming with unshed tears. They were once again surprised by how fast he seemed to go from a scary, serious hunter to a gentle kindhearted man.

He continued, “I had to, please believe me. She would never have let you go otherwise. I should have gotten you out of there earlier.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. His genuine seeming anguish made them want to reassure him.

“No. It’s okay. Thank you for getting me out of there. You had to do it.”

His face burst into a smirk, tongue running over his fangs again, “I’m so glad you understand. Well,” He stood abruptly, “I’d better be going.”

Tank shivered, the cold sinking into them now that his coat was no longer shielding them. They stood as well, unsure of what to do next.

He sensed their hesitation, smiling, “I’m guessing you heard my name back there, but, I’m Quinn. What should I call you?”

They shuffled their feet slightly, “Well… my pack call me Tank.”

He blew air out of his nose before replying, “A foolish name for someone as precious as you.” He turned to walk away.

“Wait! What if I want to see you again?” They called after him, causing him to turn.

He laughed, “Just call my name precious, I’ll hear you.”

[iambic-stan]

The other night I had a pretty ridiculous cardiophile dream, so I decided to write it down.

Vera's Hike

Vera has been walking for two hours, though she's covered less than three miles, much of it grueling.  She had forgotten about this park's ample hills from previous hikes, and she's more accustomed to walking on flat land.  Less steady than she'd like, she uses her walking stick to pull herself up the next hill, spying an eight-spotted tiger beetle running at lightning speed at the top--a quick but striking flash of iridescent emerald green.  She can feel her heart pounding from that last few steps up, and to her delight, she sees someone has fashioned some seating out of half of a fallen tree trunk. It has just enough room for one.  She balances her walking stick on a towering live oak, then collapses on the "bench."  After catching her breath, she pulls out her water bottle to take several drinks, then rummages some more through her backpack, pulling out the plastic bag that holds her coveted camo-inspired stethoscope.  Buying a stethoscope that blends into the woods was wishful thinking, she realizes, because using a stethoscope on a hike will make her stick out like a sore thumb no matter how much its tubing matches the landscape.  She feels a little self-conscious but reminds herself that she made up her mind on the drive over--if she wanted to listen, she was going to listen.  It didn't matter if a group of teenagers ambled up the hill and laughed in her face--she wanted to hear her pounding heart in the midst of these woods, to feel connected to something more authentic than her everyday worries, with the sound of her own heart racing in both ears.  

Determined to listen before she recovers from the climb, she rushes to put the ear tips in her ears and reach under her nylon top to listen over her tricuspid area.  There is something special, she's reminded, about feeling it and hearing it all at once, pounding so fast like it's in a hurry to get somewhere.  It makes her smile in the quiet of the forest, occasionally punctuated by the calls of birds, frogs, and insects, and she likes to think of its work, and by extension herself, as being part of the forest somehow.  She scans the area, noticing a black and yellow spiny orb weaver in the corner of her eye, traversing its web about eight feet up in the oak tree, the spines atop its body like a tiny tiara.  A squirrel runs up a tree across from her seat, a bird she doesn't recognize calls to another from several feet away, and Vera squints and leans over when she notices a white patch on the ground to her left--a crown-tipped coral fungus, she realizes. Carefully, she reaches down to touch the specimen and feel the intricate patterns in its little arm-like structures. "Atromyces pyxidates," she whispers.  She's been determined to teach herself scientific names of some of her favorites.  Though her brain has relegated the sound of her heartbeat to the background, she hears it thumping fast just the same--a side effect of listening, and of feeling the metal against her skin.  Her heart can't help but feel excited to be listened to this way.  Without realizing, she closes her eyes and leans back on the makeshift bench.

She must have dozed off, she realizes, opening her eyes to the trail and the woods surrounding her, ear tips still in place, permitting her to hear slower heartbeats  now.  She immediately gets a vague feeling of no longer being alone, and when she looks to her right, there seems to be...a figure?  But if there is, they're blending into the foliage remarkably well.  She focuses her eyes and sees an outline of various fungi--trametes versicolor in all of its sandstone-like variations, ganoderma sessile with its bold burgundy, trichaptum biforme with its tousled violet trim.  She focuses in and out, unbelieving.  Is she seeing lactarius indigo...eyes?  She immediately registers that indigo milkcap is one of her "bucket list" mushrooms with its beautiful pastel purple gills.  But what is she looking at?  How are all of these fungi in a cluster, and appearing to be standing upright in some vague humanoid form?  She shakes her head for a second, takes off her stethoscope and rises from her seat to approach this fungal mass.  Suddenly, a voice calls out, sounding partially like wind, and partially like a person of indeterminate gender.  "We have a question," the voice states.  Vera is stunned, struck dumb.  Several moments pass before she has the courage to ask, "Where are you?"  "Everywhere," the voice answers cryptically.  This feels like the opening scene to a horror film, and I'm the dumbass who goes into the woods alone, she thinks.  "We just have a question," it repeats.  Vera takes a deep breath, considers running, then allows her curiosity to win, hoping it doesn't get her killed.  "Ok.  What's your question?" she asks.

She wasn't sure what to expect, but a lecture from a deep, throaty voice that conjured images of James Earl Jones and Lauren Bacall at different intervals definitely didn't crack the top forty of possibilities her imagination had conjured.  "We have been trampled by countless careless bipedal and quadrupedal species.  Some have come in groups, making loud noises and disrespecting their surroundings.  Bickering with one another about 'jobs,' 'relationships,' and all other manner of irrelevant matters.  They do not often clear away the rubbish they bring.  The quadrupedal species, at least, have behaved the same way, more or less, for centuries.  They are predictable, but so are you bipedals, in your way.  You are consistently selfish and self-centered, but you have developed more advanced means of centering everything around you over the years."  Vera stands, strangely entranced by this deep, rhythmic voice rather than horrified at this scenario, not to mention what sounds like blanket contempt for humanity.  "What do you mean, centuries?" she finally asks. "What are you?"  For a while, she hears nothing.  Maybe they're not taking further questions, she thinks sarcastically.  "We are the mycelial network," the voice intones, just as Vera had begun to wonder if the conversation was over.  "We have seen what you cannot imagine in your short lifetime, but we haven't seen a hiker with your metallic tool, placing it on their body as you have.  We observed, but have not gained better understanding in the time you have been perched on the fallen host."  Vera turns and stares at the tree trunk.  She wonders if she would have been better off being caught listening by some school kids who would laugh at her and call her a freak.  At least that would follow some line of logic she's familiar with.  But she said she was going to practice talking about this, and so what if that involves going slightly (or wildly) insane in the process?  "It's called a stethoscope," she says, her eyes darting around the forest as it sinks in that the "mycelial network" is virtually everywhere.  "I, um...I have always liked them," she continues, her voice cracking when she tries to project.  "I love to listen to heart sounds with them, and I love to have someone else listen to my heart.  I wanted to hear my own heart beating fast when I got winded on this hike.  That's what it is and what it's about...for me, anyway.  It makes me feel a part of all of this somehow, like stripping existence down to its core," she says, gesturing vaguely toward the woods themselves.  Vera gulps, realizing that she's taking this situation seriously, when deep down she knows she must be dreaming.

"Curious," the voice seems to say after a pause for consideration.  "May we listen as well?"  Vera's brow crinkles.  "Ye--yes?" she says, high-pitched at the end like a question.  She picks up her stethoscope and holds it up.  In response, a spate of stereum ostrea rushes forth, the end of the structure taking shape like fingers.  Vera watches, jaw agape, as the binaurals disappear into the vegetation.  She hopes this isn't the last she'll see of her stethoscope.  After some manipulation of the instrument, the appendage moves toward her, chest piece "in hand."  Though this sight is surreal and she's tempted to run, she obediently sits down on the tree trunk.  Her heart starts to pound--it can't help it.  Her breathing turns quick and shallow.  What did she agree to?  How can someone be frightened and excited all at once?  The "arm" presses the chest piece against her bare skin.  The metal feels amazing; being listened to is always precious.  She sits quietly while the chest piece is moved around every available inch of her chest.  Is this me communing with nature? she wonders.  In a way that no one will ever believe if I tried to explain it?  It's certainly nothing like being auscultated at the doctor, she quickly realizes--this entity has no notion of aortic, pulmonic, tricuspid, and mitral valves, intercostal spaces, Erb's point, or anything else she's read in a textbook or on some cardiology website.  Instead, what feels like the entirety of her chest is combed meticulously, like some unfamiliar landscape.  The feeling of being the center of attention is divine.  Her heart pounds wildly, skips, and dances like it's performing--a euphoric but strange feeling when there isn't another human being to perform for.  She closes her eyes and her mind just goes blank.  She feels the most joy and peace she has in ages.  Yes, this was 100% worth the drive, she thinks, sighing contentedly.  She feels the presence of the listener somehow, but it says nothing more.

After a few more minutes, she opens her eyes and notices that her stethoscope is sitting on the bench.  Beside it is a small, fallen branch from one of the trees--one that wasn't there before.  She picks it up and notices it's covered in stereum ostrea.  She cradles the branch and runs her hand down the burnt sienna and eggshell-colored blooms, confused as ever.  "Hello?" she calls out into the brush.  There's no reply.  "So I did fall asleep," she says out loud.  This is the most sensible conclusion, but she can't shake the knowledge that the branch with the false turkey tail adornment wasn't lying on the bench a few minutes ago.  She decides she's never telling anyone this happened--they'd assume she was eating the wrong mushrooms.  She can't help but look at her surroundings a little differently, and with a knowing smile, as she gathers her belongings to continue her trek.  She quickly eats a granola bar and carefully places the empty wrapper inside her backpack before moving on.

[raeflora]

Your recent answered ask got me thinking... what are your thoughts on the family dynamic after Chair baby #2 arrives? (I have a soft spot for the HC that their second child is baby girl Grace 🥹) How do Blair and Chuck take having another baby, and do you think they'd have differences in their parenting if it's a girl? How is Henry as a big brother (omg), especially as they get older and into their rebellious teens?

hi!! omg I love this question tysm 🫶🏻🫶🏻 SO in my fic 525,000 (moments so dear) (which I am finishing sksfjksk ch 2 is coming soon) I'm gonna try to cover them discussing the changes of having a second child so some of this might be repeated there but I think they always wanted 2 children if they could bc they're both only children and they wouldn't want henry to feel alone. they'd be a lot more confident than they were with finding out about having henry bc they already know they can raise a wonderful child and they'd be less nervous about it.

in terms of their parenting dynamic I think they'd be fairly similar in how they treated henry as they wouldn't want him to feel jealous or anything as they grew up. I do think blair would be even more into matching outfits and co-ordination bc she can have matching hairbands and dresses with grace (grace eleanor bass my beloved 🤍). I also think she'd be v conscious of treating grace the way she wasn't treated as a little girl so no commenting on her appearance negatively or making her feel bad about herself, and she'd emphasise how much she loves her and how beautiful she is. chuck would probably be slightly more nervous having a girl bc like he doesn't wanna be an overprotective girl dad but also u mess with his little girl and ur out of ny!! but he tries not to go too stereotypical about it. I do think he'd be kinda different as a girl dad than a boy one bc he wants grace to feel like she can go to him too with stuff while also understanding how important it is for blair to have a strong relationship with her too (obviously this is the same for henry but blair understands how important it is for chuck to have a strong bond with him so they respect that about each others' parenting needs bc of their childhoods)

henry as a big brother is something I'm so excited to explore and write about 🥹 I think he'd be a good one first and foremost. my headcanon is that blair was pregnant at derena's wedding (I think it was also suggested by eric daman in his fashion book where he wrote about blair's dress possibly hiding a bump or that it was something they considered) so as henry's 3/almost 4 when grace would be born there's a good age gap for him not to be too jealous of a new baby and be more involved. when grace is still a baby he takes being a big brother v seriously to the point where he basically follows blair and chuck around to check that grace isn't too hot or cold and she's clean and comfortable. he definitely tries to play with her when she's still too small so it's like him driving his little cars around her play mat while she babbles and blair watches like a hawk so neither of them get hurt. as they get bigger I think henry would definitely be the kind of brother who includes grace in things, like playing basketball with chuck, and in turn he joins in with her tea parties. I also think they'd have their own l'il jokes and sibling things, and chuck and blair are so happy bc they never got anything like that.

when they're teenagers I imagine henry being a lot happier and less... chaotic than either of his parents were sksfjksk but he definitely has a l'il wild side and loves a party (but he's not into drugs or anything). grace is less obsessed with ruling constance than blair was, but she kinda ends up being v popular regardless. henry's definitely quite protective of her (and any other siblings he may have 👀) and helps with her homework if he can or helps her scheme against her classmates. I think they'd always be close though, and grace looks up to him and is proud to be his younger sister. of course they do argue like siblings do but it's kinda over silly stuff like they don't have huge fall outs or anything.

overall I think they'd be a happy family and having a second child would be so special for them (if ur interested my full hc is that they have 3 children eventually but baby 3 is a little less planned skafjhksk) like they'd feel more complete

[sandrockianblues]

Do you have any ships between the characters?

I dooooo (lmao don’t ask about Scout and which i romance her with bc I’ve got REASONS for them too)

These are based off me trying to pair them with who would work best and have chemistry, not to feed into anyone’s agenda. I’m here for healthy relationships and those that would try working together. Some characters just seem better off alone for the most part (exception for the builder) or like they’d be better as friends with most character- sorry if you don’t agree. These are basically just the most shippable characters to me

My Sandrock Ships

Hc that Logan and Heidi are exes from their teenage years, but friendly ones and dated for less than a year. They acted more as friends than a couple and were like…well, we tried.

Grace and Justice: she challenges him and makes him want to work as hard as she does. Gives him energy and inspiration, especially after finding out about you know what 👀

Mi-An and Justice: I can see her developing a crush on him soon after arriving considering how closely the Civil Corps and the builders end up working together. (Also not Scout keeping Unsuur for herself). But I feel like their personalities would crash in a relationship at times for some reason and they’d require work and patience in their tough moments.

Mi-An and Ernest: so if Mi-An once crushed on Justice and it didn’t work out or fizzled away, I feel like she’d soon fall for Ernest somehow. Like he’s a reserved person and a writer. And I can’t see Mi-An not being an avid reader in her downtime. She’d be his beta reader and biggest fan. And he’d finally have someone else to write for (other than children).

Mi-An and Qi: pushing that neighbors agenda. I think she’d be excited to be his friend but this is another relationship that would take effort too and mutual work. They’d have to grant more patience to one another. Have to learn to work with one another’s habits and schedules. They could be cute and good together, but it won’t be easy.

Qi and Heidi: ??? Surprisingly, I think they’d have an easier time being together. They both grind nonstop and breathe their work like its oxygen. But Heidi would have to put her foot down a lot of the time unfortunately. Qi likes the space and respect he gets from Heidi, and she likes his open admiration of her abilities and work ethic.

Qi and Grace: Grace is quicker to call Qi out on his shit before the relationship even starts. She’s smarter than she looks and even has been recommended to him for an assistant. She can keep up with him and keeps him grounded the way he needs.

Grace and Amirah: I personally find Amirah to be ace but Grace (except the builder) is one of the few exceptions for Amirah. Grace gives Amirah everything she wants, and respects the things she doesn’t want/need. She works at the pace Amirah goes at. She makes her feel beautiful without having to tell her like the rest of the world does.

(Grace pls fucking chill you eretheal goddess, holy fuck-)

Logan and Haru: they’re literally only on here because I picture them as the friends to get married for tax benefits/as a dare/ for a long running game of Chicken which would be fucking hilarious

Rocky and Krystal: I mean, they’re fucking rock solid (wheezing) and Pebbles???

Cooper and Mabel: they’re smol and cute. ;-;

Andy and Jasmine: need I say more?

[little-mouse-gardens]

OSWC2022 Day 29 "Mystic"

⁙⁛⁘⁙⁛⁘⁛:⁘⁛⁙⁛⁘⁙‥…⁘⁛⁏:…⁚⁝⁖․·․·․⁞⁞⁖⁛⁛⁚‥⁚⁚…:⁘⁖⁙⁞⁛⁙⁖⁙⁛⁘⁖⁘․·․·․

"Laurel! laurel look at your window!"

"What now?" laurel groaned, looking up from her new grimoire to turn and face the window her cousin Adwin was pointing at.

It took laurel a few seconds, but she eventually registered what was circling and floating around the closed bay window

tiny orbs of light danced around the edges of her window.

The faint yet sweet sound of bells jingling as they sought a way to enter the home.

The fae were here to deliver her magic, and laurel was completely unprepared for it.

"Oliver! kat! wake up! laurels magic is here!" Adwin squealed excitedly, standing up to gently shaking their brother and cousin awake

"what's here?" Oliver groaned, slowly sitting up in his bunk and putting on his glasses

"for real? Holy shit Really!? where are they?!" kat exclaimed, the teenager immediately flipping over in the loft bed to look at where her cousin Adwin was pointing

"right there! I told you it was going to happen tonight! " Adwin said, helping Oliver down from the bunk "you still think I'm wrong, olive?" Adwin teased, smiling as Oliver rolled his eyes

"whatever" he groaned, climbing down the latter, turning his attention away from his sister and over to his cousin laurel who remained glued in place in front of window.

her greenish brown eyes filled with wonder as she remained fixated on the lights floating outside the window

Oliver slowly approached his cousin. a soft smile on his face as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

the sudden contact snapping her out of her trance.

"Well?" he asked, gesturing to the lights "aren't you going to let them in? they came all this way for you"

laurel just slowly nodded.

she still was.... a little bit stunned

just like the mystic lights, The feelings of happiness, confusion. relief and excitement danced around in her head like fireflies.

happiness and excitement for the Fae to give her magic earlier than her grandma had anticipated.

The feelings of relief in knowing she wasn't going to be skipped over.

though it was practically impossible since every child in the family received some form of magic since her first ancestor, maya, saved the realm of the fae

then, there was the feelings confusion and self-doubt

because it was quite strange that the fae would give her magic at least a week before her 17th birthday, much less at their own home.

which led her to doubt herself about being prepared to take that kind of responsibility

so many doubts were running through her head

a tiny part of her didn't even want to believe that this could be happening to her right now or that she was nowhere near finished studying her grimoire to be ready for this level of responsibility

all of it. the concerns, the anxiety, the fear of the Uknown or what would lay ahead for her.

all of it was almost overwhelming enough for her to keep herself from reaching for the window lock to let them in and claim her birth right

and she would have

had it not been for her grandmother's speech repeating over and over in her head. her gentle yet commanding voice ringing in her ears.

"The unknown can be an intimidating and scary place, mdogo"

"it's like sailing on a tiny lifeboat in an ocean without a map. you don't know where it's going to lead you. you'll never know if the waters are going to be calm or if they're going to leave you shipwrecked. hell, there might not even be an island in sight."

"But that's the best part of it all"

"Despite the fear, there's something beautiful and mysterious about the uknown"

"It takes you to faraway places you would never get to see if you didn't take those first steps, you could make amazing friends who will lift you up, it gives you courage and the kiss of freedom"

"It can be scary, dangerous and you may not even get lucky when you make it to the first island, but you'll miss so much in life if you don't take those first steps and set sail.

"So don't be afraid, mdogo. take those first steps and live the life you want to live. chase your dreams and live life to the fullest"

...........

Those words.

the message behind them.

The ideas and goals laurel dreamed of reaching and the places she wanted to visit

these were the only things making her reach out.

to claim her birthright and see what the unknown had to offer.

even though she was still a bit scared, she chose to take that first leap and begin sailing into the unknown.

"Almost seventeen years of waiting" laurel breathed, her cousins and sister waiting with bated breath and excited eyes.

slowly, she twisted the metal latch up and off its hinge. pressing her hands against the cold glass of the window and giving it a gentle push.

"I think I'm ready now"

The moment the windows opened wide; the lights snaked their way into the teenager's room.

circling around laurel and her cousins, who had already received magic a year ago.

laurel could only watch with wonder and anticipation as the lights slowly surround her right hand.

settling on her hand. leaving a subtle warmth on her skin as they grew brighter and began to form specific shapes.

In a brief flash of light, the lights floated away from her hand

a marking was now etched into her smooth caramel skin, which immediately sent Oliver, kat, and Adwin rushing over to see what had been etched in.

It was a circle with three smaller symbols and runes within.

The rune for water, the rune for ice, and the rune for healing.

these runes are what her magic would revolve around for the rest of her natural life.

water, snow/ice and healing others.

which laurel was excited about being able to use

not only was the water rune one of the big three, but she was an avid swimmer and would take any opportunity she had to go for a swim in the ocean or the lake. so she was more than pleased with the fae's selection.

Once kat, Oliver and Adwin registered the runes, they immediately began congratulating their family member on receiving their powers.

"Sweet! you got one of the big 3 Laurel!" kat said, pointing to the water rune on her sister's hand "mom and dad are going to be so proud of you!"

"Yeah! congrats laurel!" Oliver said, patting his cousin on the back "that's a pretty nice powerset! can't wait to see you test it out Tomorow"

"Thanks guys" laurel laughed, confident and proud of herself for gaining the courage to just open the window.

even though it was such as simple task. it really did make laurel feel less afraid of what the future would offer her.

all of the self-doubt and fear of the unknown was far out her reach for now as she sat with her family celebrating her newfound magic.

her grandma was right.

even though the Uknown could be a scary and dangerous place, there was so many things waiting for her on the other side.

she really did just have to let go of her fear, set sail and enjoy the adventures that would lay ahead of her in the great unknown.

[fourfoldmom]

Guilt&Grace: Mom Guilt and Breaking Generational Curses

The other day as I sat in the recliner finally being able to breath after getting all the kids down for bed, I felt a wave of sadness and regret. The same questions rang in my head,"Could I have been a better mom today?' Could I of yelled less, and played more. Maybe I should've said yes to the mess, just for the memories. Was I too strict and need to be more lax. As these questions swirl in my head like a building tornado I start to question my own traumas. Hoping every day I don't make my children live as I did with generational curses that I try to break free of.

My mother was always a cruel woman. Mainly to us girls, which she had 3 of, but never to my brother. She never hugged us girls, never called us beautiful unless we were dressed to impress guests or strangers. She rarely said,'I love you." to us or checked on our mental health (those days that was still a subject of taboo). My brother was always important, he received the affection us girls lacked all of our lives. Being the only boy earned him an instant ticket to grace and softness. Something my two sisters and I craved but never obtained a fix for. My sisters shared a father and my brother and I shared another. As we got older each set of kids went to go live with their respective fathers never to see or speak again until adulthood. I thought when I moved in with my father at the tender age of 8, it was my chance to finally get some parental affection I only read about in books and seen other girls receive in school. I was sadly mistaken.

The treatment towards me and my brother was night and day at my fathers. My dad being a single father my entire life and no females to go to for advice, made it nearly impossible for him to relate to me as a male, and he never seemed to figure out his role as a "girl dad" either. I had to watch my brother have endless amounts of freedoms and privileges, while I was living a life closed off from a lot of healthy teenage and adolescent experiences. When I first got my menstrual, my dad treated me like I was gross, that it was something more to be hidden than to be celebrated. I couldn't blame him on that one I suppose. Clothes shopping every school year was already terrible, but it was even worse when I began to physically mature. My brother always got more leeway on the clothing he could wear, but I was stuck to graphic tee's and loose jeans so none of my growing curves would be noticeable. Up until my junior year in high school I never owned a real bra or thong, until it came to the point when I was finally able to shop on my own due to getting my first job. Dating was out of the question for me, as I watched my brother snuggle in bed when his girlfriend would come over or go to his friends houses as I was told I had no business being out after dark .Despite my father pushing me away and doting on my brother, I still idolized my father. I wanted to be a "daddies princess" so bad it crushed me when I never got to be. That trauma of never feeling good enough to my parents followed my into adulthood. I was bound and determined to never make someone else feel like I did.

I begged and pleaded into the wind when I had my first child that I would never allow myself to treat my children with such passive and callous behavior. I would do all the hugs, all the affirmations, the constant reminders that my children were important and meaningful in my life. Every new toy or trending item they wanted I would provide, no questions asked. Until the day came that he was here. I was scared to have a boy at first, but his beautiful tan skin, black hair and pout lips made him something out of a baby catalog. Beautiful, small and precious. I vowed to protect him, mentally and physically. When he turned two, I had his little sister, I was so excited, I had a boy and a girl. Now was my chance to make another human being, feel the love and admiration I always seeked! I suffered from postpartum depression after my daughter. Motivation to go the extra mile was practically non-existent, everyday was simply bare minimum survival and necessity. Things went on like that for almost a year until therapy and proper medication came into play. I finally was able to see the goal and sunshine again. As time went on i went on to have two more little girls. My home and heart were filled to the brim. I was really settling into my role as a mother and homemaker happily. Then came the divorce.

My childrens father an I met at 17 and 19. We shared the four children together and went on to get married at our 8 year mark. There were a lot of up's and down's in our marriage, which is typical. It's when it became more harmful than peaceful that it was time to call it quits at our 10 year mark. It effected me more than I anticipated and my mental health once again declined. If I wasn't busy beating myself up over the failure of my marriage, I was beating myself up about being depressed about it and not keeping my promise I made to myself and my children long ago. It was a real pitty party for awhile, until I finally got into therapy again and redid my medication. I was back to feeling A1 again.

I finally was able to keep my promise. I always remind my children of how strong, smart, funny, and beautiful they are. That their part in my life is the most important thing to me. There are days I slip and fall. Maybe I yelled all day and never said I love you. Maybe I forgot to apologize when I knew I was wrong. I could've been more involved, I could've tried a little harder, more effort, more happiness, more memory building, more time spent, more, more, more, more, more. Until I'm sitting in that recliner at the end of the night, massaging my temples replaying the day. Its like the saying goes,"I'll be okay, I just have to be dramatic first." It fits so well. I will call myself every name in the book, beat myself up; me vs me. Then when I'm done, i brush the dust off and look up to seeing one of my babies walking into the living room to give me a goodnight hug and kiss and tell me they love me, which i return the gesture with some might. I may of had a bad go at this day, but the good days out weigh these bad ones. I may be an adult, but I deserve to be graceful with myself. Im allowed to be angry, I'm allowed to be sad, exhausted, overwhelmed, over stimulated. I've cared so much for my children and their happiness and feelings that they've finally reached the age where they can radiate that love and affection freely into others when they see a need. So when I am feeling these things, they treat me the same way I treat them. With kindness, patience, understanding and love. That's how I know I broke the generational curses. They show me everyday that the chains broke with me. The links rusted, withered and flown like dust into the breeze. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be available. Be open with your emotions, teach your children these feelings are okay, then teach them they are still loved even after. You'll be proven everyday through their actions and reactions that you're doing such an imperfectly perfect job! You've got this mama, don't let the hard days shadow all the beautiful ones to come and pass!

Until next time beebs,

Sage Summers <3

[malelficentbeing]

2) When it all started…

My husband and I got married late October 2022. 💍 Our wedding was so beautiful! It was the first (and only! 😉) for both of us, so we were really excited to celebrate, but even more excited to start our new lives together. 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

Dan and I wanted to start a family almost right away so I scheduled to have my IUD removed prior the the wedding. It was removed early October and I had a normal period, as I was told, just before the wedding. I lucked out it finished before the big day!

Everything seemed normal. We honeymooned 🌺 for eight days in early November. I had hoped that I would ovulate during that time and I would get pregnant. We got home and it wasn’t long before I noticed I didn’t get my period (which should have happened around late November). I was ecstatic! I wasn’t having any other signs of pregnancy, but a missed period is a good sign, right?

I should probably mention that when I was a teenager and into my early twenties, I had irregular periods. I would cramp so painfully I would throw up. My dad, when I was staying with him one summer for college break, took me to the hospital because I was throwing up so much. 🤮 I finally got onto a birth control and eventually my periods evened out and the pain lessened over time. 😮‍💨

I was on many different types of BC. First it was the pill, then the ring, and finally an IUD. None of the reasons I needed BC was related to pregnancy prevention; I 💯 needed it to live my life. Because of BC, my irregular periods started being predictable. When I switched to the ring, I controlled my period by going back to back with a new ring each month so that I would have a period (or at least have a lighter one). Switching to the IUD was a no brainer, as uncomfortable the insertion was.

While on the IUD, I would continue to have periods, but they were practically nonexistent. I might have the slightest amount of spotting or PMS. Most months, I wouldn’t even notice if I was on my period. As I reached the end of the recommended time I should keep an IUD inserted, I was more aware of my monthly cycle. For all intents and purposes, in the year leading to my IUD removal, I had a consistent cycle. So my period (a full blown one) happened in late October, it was expected.

But then they stopped. 🛑 Completely.

And when I mean stop, I mean everything. ❌ No bleeding. ❌ No cramps. ❌ No spotting. ❌ No PMS. ❌ No discharge of any kind. It’s like my entire uterus and all the bits and baubles that go with it left my body. It was all gone.

So when late December came around and I still hadn’t gotten my period (and the pregnancy tests were still negative) I knew something was wrong. 😥

I was told that after removing the IUD I could expect to have my period come back in a few weeks or in a couple of months. And technically that happened. The October period was as much of a normal period as I had before going on BC (thankfully with more tolerable but no less annoying cramps). But why did they disappear after that? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a million questions rushing through my head. I went online, but no one seemed to have the same situation as me. Most people who removed their IUD either already had children and simply wanted to add more to their family or they got their period within a couple of months after the removal. None of the stories seem to be remotely close to what I was/am going through.

So this is why I’ve decided to begin writing 📝 out my story. I have no idea if anyone else out there can relate to my journey, but I’m hopeful there is a light at the end of the tunnel, if not for me, then, hopefully for someone else.

🩷🩵

To be continued…