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alteredpupil · 2 years

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PICK A CARD - GENERAL

My first post… enjoy the last day of 2022.

Pick a pile from 1-4.

(Pictures credit unknown)

Pile 1:

I feel like this pile goes through phases of feeling motivated and then almost utterly hopeless, maybe even end up spending the whole day in bed due to overthinking… some of you might even be under or overeating due to this. I’m getting at this time it’s very important to take care of your mental health because it might be affecting your guts or nervous system… you can reach burnout as well. Some of you might’ve even recently been in a manic state almost, ups and downs, crashing hard. This is my pile that might have high hopes and dreams, you might already romanticize your life or grew up thinking like that, maybe even was a maladaptive daydreamer… but I’m getting due to trauma, low self esteem, or being in the wrong environment and/or crowd you might like I said go back to feeling utterly hopeless. I’m getting a vision of somebody at a party… it’s almost like everybody sees the spark and potential in them and they’re standing somewhere alone downing a bottle or smoking. Pile 1 I’m getting you might make people around you feel hopeful or give them this “spark” where they see life in its beauty and color once again while people are you make you feel hopeless, so you could have a lot of energy vampires or “lose souls” around you and I’m getting it’s draining to you. I’m getting another vision of you guys sitting on a bed… the scene makes me feel exhausted, like something bad just happened or I just reminisced on the past, maybe cried my eyes out and then just lay there numb unable to “care” to do anything. The advice for you is to do something new in a new environment, right now you need that fresh perspective but it has to be from a new experience pile 1, you’re not gonna get that refreshing feeling from being in that same room or around those same people and for some of you I heard “trap house” so you might be staying in a trap house… and I’m getting the message of if this is the case these are probably acquaintance or friends.. not family. Pile 1 I’m also getting somebody around you that you can put your trust in but you seem to be pushing them away… maybe try going to them for advice or doing a activity together, they’ll be reaching out soon so you’ll know who it is, they might have something to tell you rather than a casual conversation. This conversation might make you emotional? It could be a case of getting emotional and it doesn’t even have anything to do with what you’re getting emotional over. Last hint about this person is they like the color red. You’re going to be okay not only due to your strength and ability to regenerate but because I see you always had a sense of self preservation that protects you… even when you’re being reckless I’m hearing! Lol. This might be my witchy pile as well. Last message because I didn’t mean to make it this long is you give off a manic pixie girl vibe off to a-lot of people. Extra: feeling abandoned, spending birthday alone vibes, crying till you can’t no more, charms, shaking hands, party, intent, New Years kiss, sports, guitar, running, coffee shop, new iPad??, shaking hands with the devil, therapist, weed, sex, city, cleanse, mental illness.

Pile 2:

Now i usually encourage people not to think of the past but pile 2 I’m getting you need to dig deep and remember memories and times where you were at your most powerful and empowered. You need to remember what that feels like and embody that energy, it’s almost like somewhere along the way you let somebody strip you of your identity I’m hearing or “distract” you from who you are?? I’m also getting some of you might’ve felt like a poser regarding something you did majority of your life or at a young age. Pile 2 do you have people toying with your mind or putting you down and feeding you negative ideologies about yourself? If so, please cut that bullshit off now. You deserve so much better, I gotta remind this pile to not settle for less. Also I’m getting that you might downplay your energy a lot to make people around you more comfortable and I’m gonna have to ask you to cut that off as well (maybe some of you have Scorpio/Plutonian/Martian energy here, intense and uncomfortable). I also think some of you almost feel insulted reading this pile because you got this hard exterior and might even be in denial, “I would never let somebody take away who I am or toy with me”, I understand that I really do but I think you sometimes do so for the comfort or sake of others because it almost seems like the easy route or not having to deal with others. I’m only mentioning this because the themes popping up here are almost things that you might think only “weak” people deal with and this pile energy is very fierce & out there, definitely not the type to back down from a fight. This is because you’re the type that likes to deal with your shit alone pile 2, this is a admirable trait but I’m everybody needs a community. I’m also getting your soul family and future community will be stronger than ever, almost like a pact, literally. Spirit wanted some of you to know that because you might’ve gotten so use to doing this alone you accepted this is just how life is meant to be but that’s not true. Get out there and be yourself pile 2 so you can attract the right people for you, this might not be immediate but you could end up in a certain environment, wether a job or a party or college “group” I’m hearing that could put you around the people you’re suppose to be working with in this lifetime. Another thing is scripting right now will do wonders for you when it comes to manifesting, check the alignments and especially where mercury is transiting in your chart because I’m seeing this is the most powerful manifesting technique at this time. Some of you will be going home to visit or moving out from where you currently live, if that doesn’t resonate then you will be visiting a old hometown or just reconnecting with your origins. Extra: goth, assassin, creatures, swimming in the deep end, activist, guns, flowers, bikes, pretty eyes, tea, ocean, fashion industry, travel, musician, warmth.

Pile 3:

For this pile I’m getting a lighter energy! This might be my dualistic people, people might say you have two sides to you… are you a Gemini or Pisces pile 3? Just like pile 1 I’m getting people view you in a dreamy manner… you seem different to a lot of people and this might make them curious about you or wanna learn from you. You might even be in a environment opposite to you, wether this is cultural beliefs or race or gender… something about you stands out, this could even just be your personality. You might even have heavy Jupiterian/Sagittarius energy in your chart. I see you don’t dwell over things for too long and if you do, it damn sure doesn’t show. I don’t blame people for wanting to learn off of you because I get one of the things you constantly wanna do is learn or find a way to help yourself out. You might even consume too much information at once and overwhelm yourself. This is my thinkers pile! (Makes sense I said Gemini as that’s mercurial energy). Despite you being so logical I see you have big dreams pile 3, for some of you in particular you got a certain long term goal or one that takes a long time, this could be career related. Spirit wants you to know this is something you will accomplish within this lifetime but the timeline with which you do depends on you. The longer you doubt yourself or waste time participating in activities that move you further from your goal the longer it will take. I’m hearing take a step forward and you will see signs to guide you to the next step. I’m also hearing you might feel scattered this time around, the holidays and a new year might have you anxious about the future or simply overwhelmed. You could possibly even be trying to balance out multiple plans or coming to a final decision. I’m also picking up on the energy of somebody that misses you and been overthinking about you, this could be vise versa. This is either a relationship from the past or something you’ll be yet to experience. This person might be toxic and fuck with your intuition or pull you away from your spirituality but it was destined to happen. Through this person I’m seeing you will experience things you couldn’t have without them (or this already happened) and you will meet & interact with people that will take you through the next phase in life. Maybe literally or trigger this awakening or passion within you. I’m also getting this partnership this will make you more brave & confident… this is going to bring you a lot of emotional fulfillment & material abundance. This is the pile I feel like already knows what’s going on but maybe stuck in some sort of rut, you might be doing things but you feel it doesn’t align with your life purpose… where you’re going is changing all of that. I’m getting to focus on the present pile 3 and you will get confirmation when you’re on the right path or not, trust your gut. You’re intuition is strong and your power is felt by those around you. I’m also getting you should start doing tarot readings so if you been contemplating this is your sign! This could also be a future profession for you. Your word is powerful pile 3, be careful what you say or affirm. You might even be able to seduce people with your voice… can you sing pile 3? Singing will also be very healing to you at this time.

Pile 4:

Some of you might be going through addiction pile 4… it’s interesting because you guys I heard are alchemist and breadwinners, just like this. You might use drugs to cope with sadness & stress. But I’m also getting for a few of you somebody else can be putting some type of spell on you or if you don’t think anybody would go that far maybe just sending you evil eye. Im getting 2 scenarios - this is either a immature fire sign (or just aggressive, lustful, action oriented, impulsive) masculine that’s attempting to put love spells on you or this might be a 3rd party situation (your current spouse ex, or ex’s ex, or ex’s current partner, possibly their family) However I feel like you’re protected from this it’s just draining your energy and you might not be on your protection like you usually are. Take some cleansing baths please pile 4! I’m also getting changing your diet right now would help you physically & mentally in a immense way. If you’re being over generous with your money or material please cut that out as well because I see you could’ve progressed past where you are right now if it wasn’t for leeches around you. I would just keep an eye for anybody trying to cause you a tower moment - or this could be a tower moment that already happened and somebody is gossiping/running their mouth. I wouldn’t give it too much attention pile 4. I feel like you’re somebody that’s too concerned with other shit to let something like this bother you too much, maybe you’re just curious. I’m also seeing a lot of you might have a resting bitch face or being very unimpressed with people lol. Another thing that came up I wanna touch on before I forget (because for some reasons your messages are coming up fast and scattered) is that you might had a hard time concentrating, are you overthinking? Do you possibly have adhd? Are you spending more time on your phone then you should? I think this is also part of the reason you could be encouraged to go on that clean eating diet pile 4, it might be to rebuild your discipline back in life. Sometimes I feel like this pile may feel they’re “drifting with the wind”. You guys might be very sarcastic or snappy but I see it comes from a place of being fed up with society and just tired of the world in general and for that I’m sorry pile 4, I wanna give you a hug. Spirit wants to assure you that nothing people throw your way out of malice can hurt you if you don’t let it. You’re being encouraged to find what you love again in life and what makes you feel good about waking up everyday again. If you have responsibilities you gotta tend to that you don’t enjoy, don’t forget to take that time out for yourself! You guys might overwork yourself or overextend and don’t have time for your own projects. You could be traveling alot in 2023 so that’s a plus pile 4. Keep working on self love and self care, you’re meant to be more selfish right now and even for the next whole year. If you been feeling that energy this is your go! Your spirit team is proud of you and you will be getting rewarded heavily in 2023, you will be serene and at peace with yourself and whatever your doing. This pile is going to find balance which is beautiful. Last message is about you holding a lot of secrets and even magic I’m hearing, so take that how you will.

#tarot reading #tarot #pick a card #pick a pile

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imsorryimlate · 3 years

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I watched the Batman last week and I have finally gathered my Thoughts™ (under a cut because this is gonna get long).

I love how they really hammered home how weird Bruce is, and how everyone in the police thinks Batman is a freak…. which he is. Finally some good fucking autistic representation.

They also really showed how clearly he was Batman rather than Bruce Wayne, which we know is the one he considers his true self. He barely had any scenes as Bruce Wayne and that surprised me but I didn’t mind. I also liked that this wasn’t an origin story, like we all know what happened. Now we can focus on his actual story!

I loved that they FINALLY had a focus on Batman’s detective work (Batman is the world’s greatest detective after all, not the world’s greatest boxer).

The action scenes were not too long and therefore interesting and well placed, and as my brother pointed out, they felt quite realistic, especially with the way Bruce was clearly injured and slowed down over the course of a fight.

I also liked that they included quite a lot of Batman’s different gadgets and stuff, it wasn’t just brute force. The recording lenses was a nice touch!

They really nailed the dark and gritty feel of Gotham. Fucking finally.

Honestly the Riddler’s followers… felt very much in line with how incels and white suprematists often self-radicalise online these days, I liked that touch. Felt relevant, and scary!

The relationship between Bruce and Alfred was really sweet; Bruce doesn’t speak much, but he doesn’t have to. Alfred understands him anyway.

The relationship between Batman and Gordon!! Loved it! They’re FRIENDS! They trust each other!

I actually liked that Bruce was being a little bit of a creep while spying on Selina in her apartment, aka not looking away when she’s changing… we know he’s a creep, it’s a well-known fact (for example).

They made Bruce kind and let him have his trademark heart of gold; it was made very clear that he craves human connection, especially with the way he was helping that injured woman to the stretcher.

I also liked how a lot of the characters felt closer to canon than in other Batsy movies. The Penguin was the mobster guy from the comics, rather than a weirdo eating raw fish in the sewers (although that definitely fit the 1992 movie lol). And in general I felt like I benefitted from being well versed in the Batman universe!

Now Catwoman… Zoë was perfect, and I feel like this version of Selina really worked well in this movie and its storyline. However – and I will admit I’m only briefly familiar with Selina’s different backstories and how this relates to them – there seems to be an insistence that female characters are to be more noble than male characters. I’ve always appreciated Catwoman as a character motivated first and foremost by monetary greed, a trait which is rarely afforded female characters. And while Selina definitely was a thief in this movie, I felt that her motives were “whitewashed”, that the money was something she felt she was owed by Falcone, and that she only wanted the money to get her and Anika out of Gotham. I’m a bit torn. But hey! This could be more of an origin story for her, and that she will come into her thievery and greed at a later time.

There were some things I didn’t like though:

The change of Martha Kane to Martha Arkham felt unnecessary. They’re obviously following the Earth One version of her backstory, and I don’t mind that. I actually like the whole ‘dark family secret’ thing, and mental illness running in Bruce’s family makes sense. It also makes sense because Bruce is clearly autistic, so maybe Martha was too, and back in them olden days, autism could and often did land you in a mental institution (St. Lars and Vipeholm, for two examples I’ve personally studied*). I just don’t know why it was necessary to cut Bruce off from the Kane family?? (*I only had Swedish sources on hand, sorry)

As for Thomas… I did like that the renewal fund was basically a laundering front, that the orphanage was mishandled, and Arkham is obviously no fun place… so I like that the Wayne family was a part of Gotham’s corruption. There’s no such thing as an ethical billionaire. But I think having Thomas be directly involved with Falcone and “accidentally” ordering a hit was a bit on the nose? Also how do you accidentally order a hit on someone like….

I didn’t like that it was suggested the Waynes possibly were taken out by Falcone or Maroni either. The whole thing with how the Waynes die is that it’s so random and unnecessary; you want there to be a bigger picture, but it was just a robbery gone wrong.

Other thoughts:

When Bruce was talking to Alfred in the hospital, about the fear of losing someone he loves like that again…. I couldn’t help but think about how Jason’s death is in Bruce’s future, exactly the thing he fears the most.

As many others have pointed out, this Bruce is definitely unhinged enough to adopt a kid and bring it along to crime scenes, so I’m manifesting baby Richard Grayson in the next movie. God, Bruce would be so awkward around him, but it would finally give him that human connection he craves.

Not sure how I feel about the possibility of the Joker showing up in the sequel though, I am so sick of him. If they do bring him in, I hope they go for the “gentleman criminal” type he is in BTAS rather than Heath Ledger-esque crazy.

#the batman #batman #batman spoilers

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thefanficmonster · 4 years

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You Call It A Mess, We Call It Baking

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Tons of fluff

Summary: A friendly argument via Discord leads to a baking session. Said baking session leads to a kitchen looking like it was the victim of a tornado. The lesson here is: don’t leave Corpse and Y/N in the kitchen together.

Requested by Anon, thank you so much for your request, hope I captured what you wanted well and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Corpse’s POV

I’ve been sitting in a Discord call with Y/N for about three years now, keeping her company as she’s editing some footage Sean sent her earlier. In the meantime, I’m reviewing the recently submitted stories by my viewers, reading some lines I find funny or downright terrifying to her.

“When I went in the kitchen to check on the cake, it was already out of the oven, a sticky note next to it on the counter that read: ‘smells nice’. My blood ran cold.“ I read the eerie sentence that is suggesting one of my most frightening scenarios - a stalker getting inside your house. I get chills just imagining what was probably going on in the sender’s head when they saw that.

“Jeez, it’s been so long since I’ve cooked something other than omelet.“ I hear Y/N reply absentmindedly, completely neglecting the fear factor of what’s going on in the story.

“Good job missing the point.” I chuckle, my eyes continuing to scan the email until my brain actually comprehends what she said, “Wait, you mean to tell me you have baked anything ever?! No offense, Y/N, but I was honestly doubting your ability to make an omelet as well. In all the years we’ve been friends I can’t remember you ever not saying ‘I hade takeout’ when I asked you what you had for dinner.”

The scoff that comes through my headphones is the most adorable thing ever. She’s one to easily take a joke and never get offended by anything, but I know how heated she can get with her sarcasm. If I’m being honest, I’m always here for it.

“There are many things you don’t know about me, Corpsy. A girl’s gotta have some aces up her sleeve.“ I can just imagine the narrowing of here eyes and the tilting of her head as she says that. She has a very specific way of expressing her thoughts. When we first met I accidentally made the comparison to one of those children’s books that have pictures, stories and small buttons for audio. That comparison has stuck with me and I look back at it very often. To fully catch her point, you don’t just listen to her. No, no, no. You focus on every change in her face and body. The way she looks away during certain parts of her speech, the way her voice plays with several different tones at once. Her posture while speaking. Just like those books - you don’t just listen to the audio, you look at the pictures and read the text.

“Well you know how much I like playing poker, why don’t you come over and throw those aces down.“ The last thing you should ever give Y/N is a challenge. She won’t only homerun it, but will never let you forget it either. When we met she was a girl with self esteem in the negatives, so seeing her brag about her achievements to me always brings me joy.

The details I’ve listed are pretty in-depth, aren’t they? That’s because I don’t want to let anything slip when it comes to her. This realization hit me early in our friendship and it was only like two years in that I finally connected the dots - this investment in her of mine was not simple nor platonic. Come to think of it, I reckon it never was.

“No way, I’m not changing out of my pajamas just to come to your house.” She laughs, once again making me picture her full body reaction to her statement.

I smirk, knowing I’m about to bring out my main weapon, “Oh come on, I’ve seen you in pajamas countless times. You can just admit you don’t wanna embarrass yourself. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

I can sense her fuming even though she’s like two miles away. “I’ll be there in 15.”

She hangs up before getting the chance to hear me lose control of the laughter I’ve been suppressing.

Man, I love this girl.

Y/N’s POV

“It’s on.“ I say as soon as the door in front of me swings open to reveal the smug smirking face of my bestfriend. The foundation of my tough, unbothered act is shaken up by the outburst of butterflies in my stomach which occurs every time I see him. I can never look at this man and not turn at least a little red in the cheeks.

It’s been long since I self-diagnosed with the malicious ‘falling for someone who would never reciprocate my feelings’ illness. I’ve been living with it for a while. What medication do I take? Dating other guys. One bad relationship after another, scolding myself that every one of them has been a desperate attempt to get him to change his gaze on me from ‘best friend’ to something more. Hell, I don’t even know how to define that ‘something more’. I once even tried to admit my feelings, but I was so vague and so incoherent that I didn’t understand myself, so how was he supposed to grasp my downright sad excuse of a confession.

“No ‘hello’, no nothing?“ He moves aside to let me in. I walk right past him with a sassy flip of my hair to mask the nervousness of being aware that his eyes were on me, “Rude.“ He murmured with an obvious smile in his tone.

He looks as cute as ever, black sweatpants and a black tee, hair messy as though he has just rolled out of bed. I can say with the upmost certainty that he’s the only one who can pull of that hairstyle.

I hide mine as I throw on the apron that’s hanging by his fridge, ready to take over his kitchen and put those aces of mine to use. I can’t help but furrow my brows when I see him enter the kitchen behind me and lean against the counter. That’s when I notice the counter is lined with all the ingredients I’ll need for the cake I had in mind.

“OK, what do we do first?“ he claps his hands together, straightening his posture as he gives me a expectant look.

It takes all my brain cells to prevent me from freezing up completely. I’m not usually like this, mind you, I’m a lot better at keeping what’s going on inside my head camouflaged. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I don’t have much time to dwell on that. If I do, he’ll pick up on it right away.

“Um, we are not gonna do anything. I will be here baking, and you will remain outside the kitchen until I’m done. If you need something, ask and I’ll bring it to you. I can’t have you sabotaging my project, impostor.” I narrow my eyes at him like he’s the most dangerous of threats. And he is, for my mental sanity.

He fakes a hurt expression, clearly fighting to the best of his ability to hide how much he’s enjoying messing with me. “We’ve known each other for five years, Y/N. Don’t you trust me?”

I lean over the counter to where we’re about two feet apart and whisper, “Not. Even. A. Little. Bit.”

He smiles, “You’re just trying to get away with making this cake by watching a YouTube tutorial. Admit it, you can’t even crack an egg properly.” His eyes are now as narrowed as mine as we stare each other down at a proximity that’s rapidly raising my body temperature and heartbeat. It’s not fair. I’m a mess around him so he automatically has the upper hand.

As expected, I give in, “You better not mess around though.”

After I force him to give me several different oaths, we start. I’m working on the batter, he’s working on the frosting. We decided to decorate it with crimson and dark purple frosting. We’re both really pick about the color shades so he’s currently struggling to get the crimson perfect.

“Let’s make it a layer cake.“ He suggests out of the blue, “Two layers, nothing crazy.“

I think it over for a moment or two before shrugging, “OK, but then you better grab a bowl and help me with the second layer. You know how to make the batter, right?”

He confirms that he does and walks out of my line of sight. I hear him open the fridge as I whisk the eggs I have cracked with the sugar.

“You want something to drink?“ He asks while rummaging through the fridge.

I decline, try to focus on the recipe that I have somehow memorized to the smallest of details. As I’m reciting the it silently to make sure I didn’t skip any steps with the batter, I feel something cold run down my back causing me to scream.

“What the fuck was that?!“ I turn around and glare at him just as the ice cube slips out from under my hoodie and falls to the floor. The fucker’s laughing whole heartedly, not giving a damn that he just gave me a mini heart attack. Mainly cause I thought it was a roach or something, and he know I hate bugs.

“You do realize how boiling red you are, right? You look like a lobster. I thought you needed something to cool you down.“

Instead of being annoyed, I do a full 180 and decide to play his game, “Yeah, I know...” I trail off, reaching my hand back towards the bowl of flour. Grabbing a a handful of the white powder I throw it at him before he can even catch on. Needless, to say, his outfit and hair aren’t so black anymore. “Ah, I knew your hair would look good with snowflakes in it, but you can never be too sure.”

“This means war, Y/N.” His smile is borderline malicious, getting me excited for what’s to come.

Him and I have always had these so called wars, but never like you’d imagine. We are silent, strategic, subtle. Neither of us knows when the other will attack until it’s too late. That’s why instead of going for a counter-attack right away, he heads to complete his mission of making the batter for the second layer.

All is quiet except the noises of the utensils clinking together every now and then. I keep a close watch on him out of the corner of my eye and I notice no sus behavior. That is until I see him take a spoonful of his batter and eat it. I whirl around at the speed of a gust of wind, eyes wide, “Do you want to fuck up your guts.” He ignores me as he takes another spoonful, bringing it close to his mouth. This time, I grab onto his arm causing the contents of the spoon to spill on my hoodie.

I roll my eyes, unbothered by the brown stain that by some miracle missed the apron and fell on my grey hoodie, “Don’t. Eat. The. Batter. Copy?“

“Paste.“ He nods, smirking with pride as he puts the spoon aside.

I sigh and return to my side of the kitchen, focusing on the next task: poring the batter into the circular baking tray which he, for some reason, has two of. He repeats the task soon after me and we put the two trays in the oven. I help him with the frosting, getting the shades close enough to what we had in mind.

After about five minutes of the crusts baking, a wonderful smell spreads throughout the kitchen. At this point, all we have to do is wait for the oven to signal that our cinnamon crust is ready to be taken out, wait for it to cool down and then frost the cake.

“It smells really good.“ He comments, turning his head to look at me.

I’m sitting atop the kitchen counter and Corpse is standing next to me. This is the only time him and I are at approximately the same height. The realization brings a thought to my mind, one that makes me feel like an evil mastermind.

“Hey, remember earlier when you said I couldn’t crack an egg properly?“ He hums affirmatively, “Well...“

The carton of eggs is within arm’s reach. I grab an egg, chip it off the side of the counter and crack it apart above his head, its contents coating his hair. “How’s that for a proper egg crack?” I ask victoriously.

He lets out a surprised sound, something between a gasp and a laugh. Shaking his head to get the yoke to fall down, he says amusedly: “I don’t know...you tell me.”

Too late for me to do anything. There’s milk all over me.

The malicious smile on his face is replicated on mine and now it’s really on. However, as we reach for the items meant to be out weapons, the oven dings.

Frosting the cake goes about as well as you expect: there’s more frosting on us than the cake itself.

“Let’s make amends, please. I’m so not looking forward to taking three showers tonight.“ I say, raising a white napkin and waving it around.

“Fair enough.“ He shrugs and we shake hands.

As I’m about to pull my hand back, he holds onto it, making me look up at him. Our eyes lock and I suddenly regain that same shakiness and vulnerability I always have around him. It never leaves me, I just manage to ignore it. The sound of my panic is muffled by the sound of my heart thumping the loudest it has ever.

Expectedly, he is the bold one who makes the first and final move. The move to end one era of us and start another. His lips touch mine and all fades. It’s just him and I. The friends who were never just friends. The cowards who suck at dealing with emotions. The fearful little kids that are afraid of rejection because we both mean so much to each other, to the point of suffering to prevent the possibility of losing one another.

We embrace who we are, finally admitting that friends is not what we are meant to remain forever.

The kiss might’ve been brief, but the meaning it carries makes it the most valuable moment of my life. One I’ll cherish forever. Something in his eyes tells me he will too. That’s all I need. That’s all we need. No words are necessary.

Suddenly, our bubble bursts as a result of his ringing phone. He lets go of one of my hands and takes his phone from the counter.

“It’s Dave”, he smiles, picking up the call and turning to get me in the camera frame. “Hey Dave, look who’s here with me.“

I wave at the camera and at the baffled face of Dave. “Hi!”

“What, in the name of God, is that mess?“ He raises both his eyebrows as his eyes scan us and the kitchen behind us.

“You call it a mess, we call it baking.“ Corpse and I look at each other and smile, blushing as red as the streak in Dave’s hair.

“Am I missing something here? Did I call at a bad time?“ He asks, still struggling to rationalize what he is seeing.

“Yeah, you actually did. I’ll call you back.“ Corpse dead-ass hangs up on him, putting his phone away before turning to me, “We have more important matters at the moment.“

He kisses me again, this time more confidently. His arms wrap around me and prep me up on the counter, insinuating that this kiss won’t be as short as the last.

#corpse husband #corpse #husband #corpsehusband #corpse husband fanficiton #corpse husband fanfic #x reader #reader #fanfiction #fanfic #corpse simp #request #requests open #romance #friends to lovers #love

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jackassbroadcast · 3 years

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Hello im a Tommy enthusiast who watched that one stream where he monologued to foolish for like hafe an hour bc i heard it was a cool stream or wtv to realize how much amazing character moments it had that barly anyone in this damn fandom is talking about so ill fucking do it

(Only after finishing this i realized i wrote 1.7k words LOL OOPS)

If u dont know what in talking about its this stream (apologies for linking a clips channel the actual vod on foolish's channel is deleted by now)

Also heads up /rp /dsmp every time i refer to someone here by name is their character unless stated otherwise bc writing c! Before every name Is tiring LOL

Also // suicidal idealization , death mentions

The conversation starts off with foolish and tommy mining for Wilbur, and foolish questions how simply mining will solve the problem to which Tommy reponds with "they dont get solved, do they? It just ends uo with some madman screaming 'Hes solved it!' And now look at him." And how he wants to "prevent the problem before it goes outta hand" something that clearly references Wilbur and his destruction of lmanburg, which paired with him collecting stone for Wilbur as the way to stop said problems he believes if he does anything he can for Wilbur and support him by his side enough this time around, that he wont do anything like thay again, which as im writing this makes be realize by doing that we learn hes blaming himself for what happened to Wilbur in November 16th and pogtopia and a whole, by not being enough for Wilbur in his mind.

The conversation continues, foolish off hand asks why would tommy want to stop Wilbur? Weren't they friends at some point? To which tommy leads foolish to lmanburg and tells him the story of the nation (how it was him and Wilbur's nation, how they made it to espace dream's iron fist and how they held an election "which puts your life on the line, which is good- if you're confident but- perhaps we were too confident", how they lost)

Tommy: "You know the phrase: 'treat other how you wanna be treated', foolish? People dont ever listen to it. Wilbur- he decided he wanted to be treated poorly so he treated everyone around him poorly "

This Tommy quote, to me at least, so so amazingly strong in conveying how understanding he is? To the world around him. Like-

I have not seen one person bring this quote up, and yet its (at least to me) shows such growth and understanding in Tommy i saw little to nothing like it in other streams. It shows he understands, he knew Wilbur didnt change just because, he knows he was struggling, that he thought everyone around him were againt him, were going to abandon him the first chance theyll get- and he thought he deserved it. So he, as a last way to defend himself against that, hurt them first, abandoned them first, so theyll see how much of a 'bad' person he was and take him out- and tommy saw right through that, possibly understanding it more after exile.

This next qoute was talked about much more but i still wanna bring it up

Foolish: "Do you believe in second chances?"

Tommy: "Oh, no I don't really believe that its not really a thing for me foolish its just that-" *sigh* "- i believe everyone has a little bit of good in then and this is not about giving him a second chance or a third chance- its not about *chances* foolish. Its about not giving up on the poeple you care about. "

Which. I mean. I dont know how healthy that mindset is, but comign from Tommy it makes so much sense.

Techno, tubbo, eret, sapnap. These are all people Tommy used to be extremely close to, had either a war or had been betrayed by them, and yet still found it in his heart that he still cares for them, with all of these, they did horrendous things, that hurt tommy physically and mentally, while also not being once or twice, but a contentious thing, but while tommy is to this day still effected by their actions he still found it in himself to forgive, because he knows he fucked up too, a lot, and he knoes they learned from their mistakes just as he had (except c!techno FUCKKK c!techno mf doesnt learn SHITTT) and he knows, when the time comes he knows hed want the people he hurt to forgive him too. (And he wants Wilbur to do the same)

Next qoute i will cut to a couple parts because its really so good and full of character i had to bro

Foolish: "Do you consider yourself to be the good guy or the bad guy?"

Tommy: "It really depends who you ask, isn't it? Yknow? If you asked dream he'd say im *his little toy that he plays with* you know? It doesnt.."

This part really stunned me when i first heard it because, and correct me If im wrong, but i dont think tommy ever acknowledged how dream sees him, and how right he has his viewpoint too. Just the fact tommy is so *painfully* aware of how dream doesnt even see him as a person anymore but just a toy to mess around with for a while than just throw it away when it get too boring really hurt me. Someone give this kid a hug

(Continued) Tommy: "...foolish, honestly? I used to consider myself 'the good guy', you know? The fuckin'- second in command! But these past- these past like six months or so, foolish, everything got so much harder than it was before. Because before it was just us vs bad guys, it was all so clear! But- its not been 'clear' for so long, right? It wasn't; 'these are the bad guys! These are the good guys!' Now it's : 'he's doing this and it makes him a bit worse-' i mean, it all got so complicated, so- i don't know. Depends who you ask."

He says this, in response to foolish asking if hes a good guy- but its awfully similar to if Wilbur asked him if they were the bad guys. Because foolish just asked about him, and yet in his answer tommy made sure to keep using the words "us, he's, guys" as if hes not really talking about himself, as if hes explaining how Wilbur was wrong. Which he was. Also something interesting ive noticed, he says "the last 6 months or so", which indicated that with Wilbur he knew better to follow his word and leadership- with Wilbur he was always on the right side but when he lost him he felt much more lost alone, and couldn't trust himself enough to be on the "right side" .

Foolish: "I dont know, it all seems strange because just from, you know- hearing from others and, you know, learing a little bit, its seems like you've been the hero, you've been the villain, the conqueror, the savior, and, even now, i have no idea what you exactly are."

Tommy: "that's up to you to decide, isn't it? Im just- *uh* i dont know. These days, foolish, I'm a little weaker than i used to be"

Foolish couldn't be more right with what he said, another example of this we see where a character acknowledges tommy never sticks to one thing us Charlie when calling him "tommy fron nowhere" which shows more how he cant stick to one thing, during the course of him on the server he had been friends and enemy with nearly everyone, been on pretty much all sides, and while never really intentionally, being in the center of conflict. When foolish says he doesnt know who tommy is anymroe at this point and all Tommy says in return is that "hes a little weaker than he used to be" does to show he misses who he used to be, with lmanburg, with Wilbur, when he knew who he was, now he doesn't know who he is anymore, but still so desperately want to be more demonstrated by the lines coming rigth after that one:

(Continued) Tommy: "..I'm not- I'm now who i want to be, but-"

Foolish: "Being honest with you, Tommy, that's the same case for me as well."

Tommy: "...heres the thing, foolish, unlike you i dont really have a choice. I have to try and be who i want to be, because if i dont, very bad things are gonna happen in this server. And now that Wilbur's back i can't- quite frankly *no one* can risk that. So i dont really have a choice."

Tommy want's to change- he wants to be better than he is now, to be closer to who he used to be, no matter how impossible that might be, but he also sees it as an immediate thing, he wants to change now, or asap, which is why hes collecting stone for Wilbur in the first place- old him would've done that with ease just because Wilbur asked and he wants to have that back so badly, asap. The way he talked about this reminded me of when he tried getting over his trauma stream before he went in the prison to kill dream: he knew he wasnt the best but he tried getting over that asap to go kill dream asap. He didnt wanna take the long road of years of healing and instead thought he could get over it just like that, and that experience clearly didnt teach him anything because now hes trying to slide back to the relationship he and Wilbur used to have and ignoring the drastic changes they both had plus the bad moments that were the reason they feel out in the first place, or maybe he knows, but at this point, after everything that happened to him and the server, he doesnt care anymore? He knows hes not the same he was and he'll never be the same, because thats not how it works, but his mentor, president, big brother is back after so long tommy felt so lost and alone he thinks maybe, this time around, with Wilbur, he could try and be better again.

#mcyt #dream smp #dsmp #dreamsmp #tommyinnit #mcyt foolish #dsmp foolish #dsmp tommy #analysis #character analysis #tommyinnit analysis #dsmp analysis #analysis post #long post #long

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makeste · 4 years

Note

A theory I have seen is that Fuyumi wants the family back so desperately, because she and Toya experienced the better Endeavor, where everything was alright. My guess is that after his decent into abuse its stopped being like a normal family and Natsuo and Shoto never experienced a normal family. But that is just a therory

okay so speaking as someone who grew up with an abusive and neglectful parent (though in my case it was my mom rather than my dad)... it’s complicated. there are a lot of emotions there. I think one of the things Horikoshi has really excelled at with the whole Todoroki plot is the way that he’s used the four siblings to show the different ways that children respond to parental abuse. and I can say from personal experience that all of them are valid. not just the bitterness, anger, and resentment that Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto have all shown at times, but also that intense (but tentative, almost wishful-thinking) longing to just have a normal family that we see from Fuyumi. speaking again from experience, that last one isn’t an outlier at all. in fact, in my case, I’d say that was honestly the strongest feeling out of all of them, and it even fueled a lot of the other three emotions. btw just a heads up I’m gonna delve into some personal stuff here briefly, so yeah. I won’t put details, but if anyone wants an abuse trigger warning added to the post or anything like that, just let me know.

so the thing is, even during my angriest times, if some magic wish-granting genie had poofed in and told the child me, “’sup, I’m here to solve all of your family problems, just tell me what you want me to do,” I wouldn’t have wanted them to take my mom away and lock her up somewhere and make her suffer or anything like that. honestly, even during the worst of it, the thing I wanted more than anything else was just to have a normal family. my mom had a lot of untreated mental health issues, and it was basically a situation where you never knew which version of her you were going to get on any given day. so there were times when she was a kind and loving mother who took care of me and my siblings. and there were a great many more times when she was temperamental and erratic, and we all (my dad included) basically just walked on eggshells around her and did our best to lay low and try not to bother her because even little things might set her off, and we never knew how she was going to react. and my dad worked a lot, and my sibs and I were homeschooled for reasons which I’m not gonna get into because this post is already veering off on too many tangents, but anyway so the short of it is that my sibs and I grew up in this unstable environment and ended up more or less raising ourselves. and I resented my mom a lot for that, growing up, and I still do honestly.

now a lot’s happened since then, and she’s gotten some help, and my siblings and I are all adults now and we’re more or less good, even though we all took a certain amount of Psychic Damage along the way and we’re each still dealing with that. and we each have different relationships with our mom now, and a couple of my sibs are even fairly close to her. but for my part, I pretty much have no relationship with her at all outside of seeing her a few times a year at family get-togethers and the like. the thing is, even though my mom did eventually (after a LOT of false starts and struggles and heartache) get some help, she’s never really shown remorse for what my siblings and I went through because of her. she’s never taken responsibility for any of it. she blames a lot of other people, and will go on long rants about all of the terrible things that have happened to her and all of the horrible ways people have treated her (some of which is true, and some of which very much is not). but there’s never even the slightest acknowledgement of any of the things she herself has done to hurt others. she either passes the blame or just pretends it never happened.

and honestly, it sucks. even now, there’s little to no real desire to change on her part. she’s gotten therapy and meds now, and so emotionally she’s much more stable than when we were kids, but one of the unfortunate results is that it’s all the more clear now that a lot of her behavior never had anything to do with her mental illness at all. she just didn’t care at all about how she was hurting others; or at the very least, didn’t care to face it. and that’s just how it is.

anyway, so I’m sorry to keep breaking away and telling you guys my own life story lol. but the point I’m trying to get at here is that I actually relate to Fuyumi so much, though. what I wanted more than anything was for my mom to care, and to say she was sorry, and for me to be able to believe that and to trust her, and for her to actually change. that was it.

and so for me, here’s the biggest difference between the Endeavor situation, and my own and so many others. the difference is that unlike people in real life, we know Endeavor is actually remorseful for what he’s done. we know it for certain because we’ve seen it for ourselves, from his own point of view. the manga actually lets us get inside his head and shows us that he really is sincere, that he really is sorry, and that he really is trying to change. and that’s something that’s impossible to get in real life. that certainty that the person really means it, that they’re genuinely remorseful and committed to making amends.

and for me, that’s fucking wish fulfillment right there. for the abusive parent to finally realize the error of their ways and be sorry and try to do right by their kids. I fucking wanted that. hell, I still want it, even though I’ve made my peace with things the way that they are. that chance to somehow heal the broken relationship, and have your parent genuinely try their best to be a real parent to you, even if it’s years after the fact? shit. I’d take that in a heartbeat.

and so when it comes to Fuyumi and her attempts to get her family to reconcile and experience a few normal things, I f feel that. I really do. because when you’re growing up in that type of situation, normal is all that you want. and I don’t think it’s anything that requires an explanation on her part, because it’s not actually an unusual reaction at all. it’s natural. it’s the most natural thing in the world. honestly it’s annoying that fandom sometimes tries to shame her for having those feelings. like honestly, fuck that. because the thing is, I’d wager that almost every kid who grew up with an abusive parent has at some time or other felt the exact same way.

and that includes Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto as well. literally the only difference between them and Fuyumi is that they feel that Endeavor’s change of heart is simply coming too late. it’s not that they don’t want their family back, just like she does; it’s that from their point of view, it’s something they can’t get back. for Fuyumi, that dream of having a normal family is something she’s still seeking. for Natsuo and Touya, that dream of having a normal family is something that was destroyed. something that Endeavor killed. something they’re in mourning of. and so Touya wants revenge for it, and Natsuo is trying to pick himself up and move past it. and meanwhile Shouto is caught somewhere in the middle of all of those reactions, because he’s still trying to decide whether or not he can ever bring himself to trust his father again. he’s somewhere in between his brothers’ mourning and his sister’s hopefulness. sort of a Schrodinger type of deal lol.

but anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that all four siblings are really experiencing the same thing, just in different ways. Fuyu may be the one arranging family dinners and the like, but that same longing to be part of a normal family is at the core of Natsuo, Shouto, and even Touya’s behavior as well. Natsuo’s hurt and resentment, and Touya’s spite and bitterness, come from being denied the thing they want. and Fuyu’s shaky attempts at reconciliation come from her desire to still obtain it somehow. but at the end of the day they’re the exact same feelings. and they all come from the same place.

anyways, hopefully that makes some kind of sense. basically, everyone is valid. Fuyu is valid, Natsu and Shouto are valid, and Touya is murdery which isn’t cool, but his feelings are still valid too nonetheless. hugs and therapy for the Todoroki children in 2021, Horikoshi. please and thank you.

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sl-walker · 3 years

Photo

All right, since I’m in the middle of a flare and have to work manual labor for the next four days despite it, I figured I would make myself -- and hopefully other people -- laugh by talking about one of my favorite OG Captain Marvel stories. Namely, from Whiz #50, with a cover date of January, 1944, meaning it was probably produced sometime in late 1943.

I want to share it because why not, this is some absurdly charming stuff.

I’ll get more into why it’s one of my favorites as we go, in the form of running commentary. So, full story (with said commentary) under the cut. If you wanna just read the story without my commentary, stick to the pictures. XD

First, let me say that the cover and splash page definitely live up to the story, though the cover’s a bit more sensationalized. But the premise is pretty damn simple: Our intrepid hero and his newsboy alter ego are on vacation. Cap decides to go swimming. It goes hilariously wrong and thus ensues a bit of a madcap adventure, no puns intended.

Second, the fact that Cap and Billy are depicted as essentially different entities makes what Billy does next the ultimate trolling:

Gee, airing out the stolen laundry on the radio? Really? I’ll leave it up to you, gentle reader, whether Billy actually was trolling his own alter-ego for ratings or whether he was just innocently sharing the story while his other-self winced quietly in whatever ether-space he exists in when not front-and-center.

Either way, I love it.

Continuing on...

I get a kick out of the fact that Billy’s monologue is that he’s no dare-devil. One, because that’s so obviously not true in any way -- (that kid is awesomely, sometimes recklessly brave on the regular even without Cap) -- but two, because the bridge is actually named Dare-Devil Bridge. We aren’t given any reason why this dangerous potential death-trap is there, hanging without so much as a gate or a warning sign or anything, because we don’t need one. It’s there specifically for what happens next.

Which, of course, is Billy calling in Captain Marvel, who does some light complaining about the situation Billy left him in. There’s no bite to it, which I find adorable -- Cap actually does get frustrated once or twice in other issues with Billy calling on him for mundane stuff, though he’s never mean about it -- but there is a bit of the sense of being put-upon there that’s just-- I dunno, cute. It’s something I miss a lot in the various post-crisis takes on the character: That duality, that difference in personality, and the way each of them responds to different situations. Often, they’re on the same page, but notably, sometimes, they aren’t.

Someday, I promise, I need to sit down and write how I think that works between those two without being a truly frightening mental illness manifested, what with them being the same person but not the same person. Because I have so many ideas, and I’ve only had since the early-2000s to percolate them. LOL! But until then, just enjoy this.

Here is another reason why I love the Golden Age Captain Marvel books and why I love this specific story: This is an absolutely normal, mundane thing to do. It’s the human thing to do. These aren’t the actions of some super-serious superdude. These are the actions of a pretty shockingly normal guy doing something mundane. And a whole story is built around that normalcy.

It’s cute. It’s funny. It’s the reader already knowing that he’s getting himself into a situation that he absolutely could have avoided, but also completely understanding how it happened anyway. It’s pretty brilliant writing: I say this as a pretty damned good writer myself.

So much of the reason why, I think, Cap was so endearing as a hero is that humanity. He’s got pretty much god-tier power in the Golden Age, once his powerset is established. He’s utterly invulnerable to all physical harm while powered up. But-- he’s human. He knows he’s human. He acts like it, and decides, “You know what? I’m going skinny-dipping.”

He and Billy are both characters it’s so easy to empathize with.

Also, a reminder that the art under Chief Artist C.C. Beck is really, really good. (He had a whole stable of artists to help produce this stuff!) Ignoring registration issues on the printing press, the actual line art is amazingly good; proportion and perspective and consistency.

But anyway--Cap does get to enjoy his swim. But, then, oh no.

I love the idea of a world where the prime hero -- and he definitely is in that world -- can take off his suit and go swimming, and where someone else is bold enough to steal the damn suit off of him. The first time I read this, I started laughing here. Not at him, but at the situation he’s found himself in. At the idea that some random passer-by saw Captain Marvel’s costume and went yoink!

Another thing I love about this particular story is how much Cap and Billy have to work together, just by necessity. Like-- it’s just really good. But anyway, thank everything Billy Batson is on the ball, coming to the rescue.

Sheer bad luck via the weather keeps this story rolling along in hilarious misdirections. Realistically, that uniform probably wouldn’t be all buttoned together (we see Cap take off pieces of it aside the pants in other issues, including socks!), but who cares? The point of the story is that giant bear rug on the floor’s gonna get put to use.

Man, when have you ever seen Superman creeping naked through some stranger’s house wearing nothing but a random polar bear because he went skinny dipping? No wonder these comics sold so well. This next panel is when I start wheezing, though, and pretty much keep wheezing.

“A lady, too! I’ve got to get away from here!”

I’m dying at this point. That’s such a characteristic response, and yet, I think that’s why it’s funny.

Anyway, because this is an excellent story (I mean this without an ounce of irony, too), our dynamic duo stumbles across a plot in play to rob the hotel they’re staying at.

Here’s a big part of why this is such a good tale: Everything fits. Even when it isn’t explained, like Dare-Devil Bridge, it still fits. Why is the tree down? Because there was just a thunder storm, the same one that blew Cap’s suit into the room with the gangsters.

I don’t know if this is Otto Binder’s story, but I wouldn’t be surprised in the least. It’s a complete story told in relatively few pages that accomplishes everything it’s meant to.

Anyway, using foliage as cover, Cap gets to be heroic----then Billy gets to get back to the business of trying to stop the robbery of the hotel and get his heroic alter-ego dressed again. Which leads to a rather adorable and funny scene of Billy not only trying to describe what Captain Marvel wears, but what size it would need to be tailored in.

(Cap is supposedly a 44 for a suit coat, we find in some earlier appearance, which would refer to his chest size. So, an XL for shirts and suit-coats. He’s a big guy, but he’s actually not a hulking huge guy. But more on that later.)

I love the fact Billy tries to like-- use himself as a model. Maybe in another ten years, kiddo. Billy’s actually pretty buff for like a 12-14 year old, he’s not a scrawny kid at this point, but yeah, no. LOL!

Another thing I also really, really love about this style, though, is that they draw Captain Marvel as being strong, as having a powerful build-- but not as a dehydrated body-builder with deep cuts. He’s got human proportions, regardless of his strength; he’s got a human build, not a superhuman one.

C.C. Beck had a lot of things to say about superheroes who were just muscles on top of muscles, all clearly defined, and he didn’t like it. As someone who first got into comics in the early 90s with Jim Lee’s X-Men--

I do get Beck’s point. I not only get it, but I really highly approve of it. He maintained to the end that he drew (and oversaw) the Marvel family to look like high school and college athletes, and I can see that. I think the one person who’s gotten it right in the modern era is Evan “Doc” Shaner, who did Convergence: Shazam! He not only nailed that strong-but-not-hulking build for Cap, but also how young he looked. College-age, in fact.

But anyway, enough digression into art and why I like this better than most modern takes on the character. Also, that’s just a cute set of panels.

I also like that there wasn’t an easy fix there. Cap’s still in his not-birthday suit, and Billy’s still stuck running around trying to solve the issues at hand. Next comes some other really good panels:

-snorts- He’s locked in. Yeah, that’ll hold him.

Anyway, what I really liked here was again that tandem working; Billy can’t punch through a wall, but Cap can. Cap can’t crawl out while he’s au natural -- well, he could, but he’d probably rather die first -- but Billy’s got no such issue. It’s just fun when you get to see them doing something like that. You have to really think for a minute about the trust each of them must have in their alter-ego.

ANYWAY, we get the rare treat then--

--of Captain Marvel not only yoinking a dude into a dark room, but then stealing his clothes. Except, not his underwear. Because that’s nasty. LOL!

I love that in this series, you do actually get to see him wear other stuff. Go incognito. Get his red suit messed up enough to take it to a dry cleaner’s, wherein he ends up dressed like a musketeer after. Jerry Ordway’s series is, I think, the only other time we see Cap not wearing his famous suit, but it happened enough in the Golden Age that it wasn’t a shock.

Like, I hate to be the one to say this, but I do think DC drops the ball often on just how much you can do with Captain Marvel (or Shazam, depending on timeline, but that’s the wizard’s name to me so mostly I’ll stick with the original name) if you unbend enough to. It’s not just the costume change, or the duality of him and Billy being the same but not, but also his inherent, essential humanity.

But I am digressing again, sorry. XD I just feel strongly enough about these versions of these characters to spend hours writing this.

Anyway, only a single panel later:

And that’s that! Billy Batson has just outed his own alter-ego’s most embarrassing moment to whomever’s listening to WHIZ radio -- thank everything podcasts and the internet weren’t available then, ha! -- and we get to see a recounting of a very fun story.

Like I said earlier, I love this one for its essential humanity. The hero got himself into this mess, he and Billy got him out of this mess, and stopping the criminals was actually just kind of a lucky stroke thrown in there. But even though Cap got himself into this, the story never treats him like he’s stupid. It never treats him like he’s some kind of idiot. You’re laughing, but-- not in a mean way.

I love how human it is. How complete it is. How genuinely funny it is. It’s a thousand times more funny when you genuinely love and respect Captain Marvel and Billy Batson, too.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this dissertation on a skinny-dipping hero. LOL! I enjoyed sharing it with you.

#dc captain marvel #billy batson #shazam #whiz comics

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longitudinalwaveme · 3 years

Text

Arkham Files: Heat Wave

Hugo Strange: From the patient files of Dr. Hugo Strange, director of Arkham Asylum. Patient: Mick Rory, also known as Heat Wave. Patient suffers from pyromania and cryophobia; the intelligence test administered upon his admission also suggests that he may have a mild intellectual disability. Session One.

Heat Wave: Hi, Doc! It’s nice to meet you!

Hugo Strange: (a bit taken aback) Hello, Mr. Rory.

Heat Wave: You can call me Mick, Doc. Everybody does.

Hugo Strange: Very well. Mick, do you know why you are here at Arkham Asylum?

Heat Wave: I guess they finally decided I was sick enough to be sent here instead of prison. I know I’m not right in the head, Doc.

Hugo Strange: Actually, no. You’re here because Iron Heights is currently incapable of housing costumed criminals, and a series of bewildering judicial and bureaucratic decisions resulted in all of you“Rogues” being transferred to Arkham until such time as Iron Heights is repaired. That being said, I am glad to hear that you are aware that you have a problem, as it means that you have overcome the first hurdle on the road to recovery.

Heat Wave: (Pleased) Really, Doc? Boy, am I glad to hear that.

Hugo Strange: Mick, according to your file, you suffer from pyromania and cryophobia. Is that accurate?

Heat Wave: Yeah. (Brief pause) That’s what all the shrinks tell me, anyway...and I’ve seen a lot of ‘em over the years.

Hugo Strange: Yes. And I am certain that you will be pleased to hear that I have experience in treating pyromania. You see, Mick, Arkham Asylum happens to have its own resident pyromaniac.

Heat Wave: You talkin’ about Garfield Lynns? The Firefly?

Hugo Strange: Yes, actually.

Heat Wave: (Clearly nervous) He’s here? Now?

Hugo Strange: Does that concern you, Mick?

Heat Wave: Yeah. It...it does, Doc.

Hugo Strange: Any particular reason?

Heat Wave: I’ve heard things about him, Doc. Bad things.

Hugo Strange: What sorts of things have you heard, Mick?

Heat Wave: That he...that he deliberately sets people on fire ‘cause he wants to watch ‘em burn. That he’s a pervert; that he burned his girlfriend alive ‘cause he couldn’t be happy with her unless she was on fire. That he burnt down a zoo to learn what a bunch of dumb, innocent animals looked like when they were on fire. I’ve even heard he intentionally set a little boy on fire once-a kid! How could...how could anyone do that to a kid? (Pause) I’m a sick, sick man, Doc, I’m not denying that. I know I’m the last person who should throw stones about something like this...but Lynns sounds like a psychopath. He sounds like he likes hurting people. I...I don’t wanna be like that, Doc. And I’m scared. I’m scared that that’s what my pyromania’s gonna turn me into. Bad enough that I hurt people when I set buildings on fire...bad enough that I killed my family when I accidentally set our home ablaze….I don’t want to do what he does. I don’t want to go around setting people on fire!

Hugo Strange: Mick, mental illnesses display differently in every sufferer. The fact that you and Mr. Lynns share a common mental illness does not mean that you are necessarily at risk of starting to behave in the way that he does. He has a more serious case of the disease than you do; consequently, his behavior is more destructive and aberrant than yours.

Heat Wave: Are you sure, Doc?

Hugo Strange: Quite sure, Mick. If your extensive file is to be trusted-and given the sheer volume of psychologists who have contributed to it, I believe it is-you have never, at any point, expressed any excitement at the idea of a person being on fire. As such, I have no reason to believe that you would take up the habit of deliberately lighting people on fire.

Heat Wave: But what if I get worse?

Hugo Strange: Given the diligence with which you apparently seek out therapy even when not incarcerated, I don’t think that your condition is likely to exacerbate, Mick.

Heat Wave: Come again?

Hugo Strange: As long as you continue to seek treatment, you’re not going to get worse.

Heat Wave: Doc, you have no idea how happy you’ve just made me! (Starts crying)

(Long, awkward pause as Heat Wave cries and Hugo Strange attempts to make soothing “there, there” type noises)

Hugo Strange: (Clears throat) I am glad that I was able to ease your mind, Mick.

Heat Wave: (Sniffling) What do you think we should talk about now, Doc?

Hugo Strange: To be honest, the first question that comes to mind is how you have survived so long as a criminal when you’re willing to weep so openly and readily over something comparably minor. I was under the impression that such behavior would be viewed as a weakness to be taken advantage of, Mick.

Heat Wave: I’m six foot four and weigh 240 pounds, and pretty much everyone knows that I’m a pyromaniac. That tends to intimidate people into keeping their mouths shut. (Pause) I...I actually don’t much like fighting, and the sight of blood makes me feel a little ill, but almost nobody knows that because pretty much everybody’s too wary of me to try picking fights. The guys who are dumb enough to try get pummeled by Digger and Evan before they ever get to me. See, that’s the thing with the Rogues. If you pick a fight with one of us, you pick a fight with all of us...and Digger and Evan fight really dirty.

Hugo Strange: In other words, you’ve survived because your reputation precedes you. (Pause) And, I suppose, because you have a pair of excessively violent friends.

Heat Wave: Pretty much, Doc.

Hugo Strange: In speaking of your friends...why did you join the Rogues, Mick? Serial arsons motivated by your illness aside, you don’t exactly strike me as a career criminal.

Heat Wave: I...I was hoping to turn the pyromania into a gimmick. I thought that maybe...maybe it would help me get my sickness under control if I used it as a theme. Dumb idea, I know, but I was desperate. And in my early twenties. That makes you stupid by definiton.

Hugo Strange: And why are you still with them, Mick? Is it the money?

Heat Wave: No. It’s because they became my new family, Doc.

Hugo Strange: Wanting to build a new family for yourself is an understandable motivation, Mick...but wouldn’t you be better off finding one that isn’t entirely composed of violent career criminals?

Heat Wave: Probably...but Doc, the world wouldn’t be. The Rogues are the only family I can have, because they’re the only ones who can protect themselves from me. I destroyed my first family. I...I can’t risk doin’ it again.

Hugo Strange: So in order to protect people from you, you help a bunch of career criminals rob banks and jewelry stores whilst wearing a fireproof suit, calling yourself Heat Wave, and wielding a flamethrower? I don’t understand your logic, Mick.

Heat Wave: (Pause) You know, somehow it makes a lot less sense when you say it.

Hugo Strange: (Sighs) I believe you honestly mean well, Mr. Rory. Unfortunately, you have very little common sense; most likely stemming from the fact that, as the intelligence tests that were administered to you suggest, you are mildly intellectually impaired.

Heat Wave: I can’t say I’m surprised to hear that, Doc. The guys are always tellin’ me that I’m a bit slow.

Hugo Strange: Fortunately, with enough therapy, I believe that we will be able to help you overcome your mild cognitive impairments.

Heat Wave: Sounds great, Doc!

Hugo Strange: You are by far one of the most cooperative patients I have ever encountered, Mick, and I would like to thank you for that.

Heat Wave: Hey, Doc, no problem! With all that you’re doin’ to help me, I should be thanking you!

Hugo Strange: That won’t be necessary, Mick. I am simply doing my job. (Pause) Now tell me, Mick-what do you think of the Flash?

Heat Wave: The Flash? He’s great. I’ve never met a nicer guy.

Hugo Strange: You...like the Flash?

Heat Wave: Of course! (Pause) Just...don’t tell the guys, okay?

Hugo Strange: Nothing you say is leaving this room, Mick. You do not have to worry about my telling anyone, including your fellow “Rogues”.

Heat Wave: Oh. Good. (Pause) Yeah, I like the Flash. He wants to help everybody. He’s even gotten me into contact with some of my therapists.

Hugo Strange: Fascinating. (Pause) Unfortunately, we have reached the end of today’s session. I will see you the same time tomorrow, Mick.

Heat Wave: Okay, Doc! See you then!

#flash rogues #dr. hugo strange #heat wave #flash comics #batman comics #fanfic

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cloveroctobers · 4 years

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CRANES IN THE SKY | C. Jackson

Requested: Nope! I saw a fluff prompt that sounded great for Chris so this is what I came up with! Prompt — “Stop moving and let me braid your hair.”

WARNINGS: mentions of mental illness, sadness, depression, and “curse words”

YOU were going through it. Life was just becoming a lot for your teenage self and it seemed like this week would never end. It partly felt like everyone was out to get you but you were really just having a bad week and in the back of your mind, you hoped that the next would be better...yet you didn’t even want to think that far ahead. As of a few hours ago you were allowing your self to sit in your funk of your Crenshaw home until Chris barged in making himself at home.

Working in retail felt emotionally and mentally abusive but hey, you needed money to get by right? You were tempted to quit after a month of being there but your mother persuaded you to toughen it out and not let them get to you. ‘Or maybe it was easier for her to say so, so that you wouldn’t be coming to her as much for some cash.’ You bitterly thought.

On top of that, you were getting hours in over time since there were three situations going on with your co-workers. One: was fired due to stealing money from the safe in the stock room, since one of the assistant managers didn’t fully close it, two: got arrested for god knows what— you didn’t care for the drama but it was common knowledge Julio’s ass was gone, and third: got injured on the job and would be out for 6 months. So the work load fell on the remaining three. Only 6 employees in retail...make it make sense. Not only that the customers were more whiny and quick to point the finger than usual and it takes a lot for you to step out of character! but you did.

You had it. So you went into a screaming match, which wasn’t expected of you but it happened. The store manager did not have your back and blamed you in front of the customer since, “the customer is always right,” motto was heavily encouraged and a part of you HOPED he was just doing that for show and would apologize later but nope! He stood by wtf he said and put you on punishment when it was clear that the customer was not right.

So instead of sending you home and keeping you away from the place? He decided to give you more hours as if you’re the only one working there + kept you off the register so you could only interact with those on the floor. If he expected you to come in for five days straight while being a high school student? He was out of his damn mind. So you called out the three of the five days you were supposed to be there and didn’t care for his guilt trips. You deserved better and didn’t need to deal with this bs for only $11.11 an hour. You hoped he fired you.

Since you were working so much prior to the screaming match with that aggy customer, you were falling behind on your studies. Those pop quizzes came back as c+ to c- and your exams? Even lower. You were turning in homework half assed or not turning it in at all and normally you were a decent student with a B average. You weren’t overly thrilled about school but you did your best and did just fine at that.

You never saw yourself as someone who would go to college. Your mom or your step-dad didnt go and it was expected that you wouldn’t because of your background. Wasn’t that a shame? Crenshaw high could do a lot better at getting kids prepared for bettering their futures but they just wouldn’t put the time in to kids that wanted it or could accomplish it if they just had the right guidance.

It was really depressing and it was all starting to sink in at the end of your junior year of high school. You couldn’t just give up but you were having one of those days and wanted to be left alone. Which was partly what you had in your condominium complex with your step-sibs staying behind to attend after school activities with you having to pick them up from the bus stop by 5:15, your mother was working the night shift as a waitress, and your step-dad was away on “business.”

The quiet was interrupted by Chris making his way into your living room with you all curled up. He took one look at you and shook his head, “Nuh-uh, get up ya ass up, girl. You’ve been like this for what? Days now?”

Giving him the side eye, you rolled your body on the couch to put your back to him as you went to bury your head into the open s peace between the couch and cushion. “If you came here to start with me, you can leave the same way you came in.”

You were used to Chris getting into your house. You did lock your doors around here but Chris was surprisingly good at getting through things which related a lot to his life I guess you could say. The guy overcame a lot especially learning how to walk again after almost being paralyzed. You and Chris grew up together, and were actually friends first before Spencer, Coop, and Shawn came into the picture. Your mother’s were the best of friends and got pregnant around the same time, with Chris being only a few months older than you, which he likes to rub in to get on your nerves.

“And you can keep that stank ass attitude to yourself, get up mama this ain’t no way to be.” You could feel the weight of Chris sitting on the couch behind you.

He was now poking you, probably trying to find your ticklish spot but if you start swinging then you’re the bad guy right?

Chris knew you like the back of his hand and vice versa. He knew all about how your week was going and how you’ve been skipping class to do whatever it is that you do, since you did have one class together.

“Alright look, when I was away—

He always considered his recovery as, “away,” almost as if it pained him to say that, which you understood by all means, but Chris could just call it what it was. He was strong, he made it through but you noticed in the way he played now was more cautious. He was in his head which was common with sports injuries apparently. You noticed with Spencer he would normally react after the stress of the game or something that brought on the stress. He also probably thought you had no clue what was going on with him, but he was also one of your besties so of course you knew. You just never said anything.

Now it was you who was going through a little something and needed someone to bring you out of it, whether you said it or not. And here Chris was. As always.

“You know I was a completely different person—

“Yeah, you were a fresh asshole.” You commented, remembering those moments quite clearly since it was you and Olivia who tried to be there. He only seemed to let you be there, especially after he broke up with Olivia over text. Which you laid into his ass about.

Which made Chris breathe out a laugh pressing his elbows into his knees, “you’re not wrong. And I’m forever sorry about that but you knew I was going through some dark shit. And I can see you’re partly there but you don’t need to sit in it.”

“Okay, Iyanla. What would you like for me to do?” You asked twisting your body to the side to finally look at the mocha skinned boy.

Chris smiled with his pretty teeth, “maybe take a shower? ‘Cause this bum energy I’m getting from you right now is not cute and I know underneath all that, you’re not half bad.”

A foot went out to kick him pretty hard but he tried and failed to doge it with a laugh. “Nah. But for real though, you got to find something that’s gonna keep you sane. Find something even if it’s not permanent that’ll keep your mind active and out of the dark, cause once you completely slip into it, it’s hard to get out of. Trust me.”

You knew Chris was on anti-depressants for a little while and how he called you flipping out that his mother even agreed that it would be a good idea. In the black community it was not a common thing to speak about your mental health, it was non-existent and you were expected to “get over it,” to not think like that because we are made to be tougher than what we are and it shouldn’t be like that. We should be able to feel our emotions and admit when something is troubling us.

And Chris’ mother thought that was what was best for her son. And you saw how vile of a person Chris became when he thought everything was over for him. That was not the Chris Jackson you knew, he was headstrong, compassionate when he wanted to be, and ambitious. So to see him like that was hard.

So here he was for you even though your emotions right now probably wasn’t that deep but again, you were trying to be more in touch with your emotions. Both of the adults in your life were slightly cold so it rubbed off on you a little bit of course, until it was brought out of you. Your father was the most loving and as a kid you used to be that way, with a warm prescence and a belly full of laughter. Now you were full of small smiles and cold stares.

However your main friends: Chris, Spencer, Coop, and even Shawn know/knew who you are even if you’re different now.

You don’t know how long you sat in silence but once Chris started to annoyingly snap his fingers in front of your face, You snapped out of it and smacked his hand down; slowly you sat up on your uncomfortable couch and took a deep inhale.

Then you moved through the cramped apartment to your bedroom and bathroom grabbing a few things. When you came back Chris was also entering from the kitchen with two plastic cups, eyeing the items in your hand. “What’s going on with that?”

You plopped the large pillow in front of the couch, held your hand out for the cup which Chris handed over, and you took a large gulp to taste cran-peach. Chris moved to place his own cup on the coaster and went over to the window to crank up the A/C before he glanced back over at you still awaiting a answer.

“You’re telling me to find my peace? I’ve always wanted to be a stylist, so I’m going to perfect my craft.” You answered sitting on the couch with a crack of your neck.

Chris thought this over and blew out a raspberry. Then he moved to sit in between your legs on the floor, “Alright, y/n. I’ll be your first client. But I’m tellin’ you right now if you braid too tight where my edges look eaten, I’m out the door.”

A smile graced your lips as Chris grabbed his cup and remote to turn the tv on, “so what we watching to keep me entertained?”

Shrugging your shoulders you held the rat tail comb in your hand while using the other to run your fingers through Chris’ coarse hair that he was deciding to grow out. Chris got himself comfortable resting against your legs as you decided which side of the head you wanted to start on first before you began parting and sectioning off his hair.

You were going to give him some cornrows so you had to make sure everything was even and not look crazy. You were decent at braiding, you often did your step-sis’ hair since your mother no longer had time to do it and she sure did have a lot of hair. It gave you some sense of satisfaction, you taking on the older sibling role and gave you the time to bond.

Chris finally found something after twenty minutes and was yelling at the tv which made you mess up the grip on the fourth row. “If you don’t stop moving and let me braid your hair...hold your head right or I’m gonna pop you!” You threatened.

“This is triggering me back to my aunties, specifically aunt Henrietta’s ol’ mean ass.” Chris mumbled the last bit as he flinched making you laugh a little bit, remembering the name and the picture of the woman with the large mole on her pointy chin.

She lived in Maryland and had a beauty salon that Chris’ mom would always take a trip down there to get their hair done, if they had a special event to go to. It didn’t make sense to you or your mother since there were a few good shops here in Crenshaw or rather—girls and boys that did hair out of their homes around but Mrs. Jackson wanted to support her great aunt so by all means...

You gripped his hair again tight but not too tight to begin the braid, “I’m gonna add beads so everyone around school can call you hurricane chris.”

“...that’s real foul. You’re about to make me not support your dreams anymore, I’m dead serious.” Chris replied making you laugh, which made him smile at the sound.

You briefly glanced up to watch a scene on whatever show or film Chris was watching and raised your eyebrow not knowing what was going on or who these characters were but it was definitely engaging.

Chris nudged your knee with his shoulder after you fell silent again, “feel better?” He asked, moving AGAIN to meet your eyes.

“yeah, a little. Thanks.” You scrunched up your nose and stuck your tongue at him.

After awhile your alarm went off letting you know it was time for you to leave and get ready to get the kiddos. As you both got up, Chris went to the mirror to check out your handiwork while you snapped a few pictures before making your way to the door, taking the keys from the side table as you went.

“Y/N...you said would make me look good.”

“Uh huh?”

“Then tell me why...the hell you got me looking like ODB?” Chris’ deep set brows held a deep frown on them as he glanced at his childhood friend who innocently peered back at him.

You shrugged as you threw the door open, “i never said I’d be the best hair stylist out there, plus you wouldnt stop moving your big ass head. I told you to sit still! And did you listen? Noooooo.”

Chris licked his lips looking down as he folded his hands together before his eyes flicked up, “ok. I’m on your ass!”

You yelped as dashed out the door, laughter in your lungs as Chris chased you down the narrow hallway, hot on your trail.

#all american #all american x reader #chris jackson #Spencer Moore ii #Chris Jackson x reader #Chris x Olivia #spencer james #tamia cooper #all american cw

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aliendes · 4 years

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Natural Borns - Chapter One

dystopian!au / futuristic!au

AUTHOR NOTE: here it is! Chapter one of Natural Borns. If you haven’t already, please read the prologue, or else this wont make the most sense. The prologue gives some backstory about the universe that you need to fully enjoy the story. Thank you for all the love on the prologue, it pushed me to want to put this out early. If you enjoy this series, please follow and reblog so it can reach more eyes. Feel free to send me an ask! I would love to answer any questions, because I’m sure I’m inevitably going to leave some things unanswered (this is my first time writing a series, after all). Enjoy! xx Des

Series info/genre: Angst, fluff, (possible) smut NSFW due to darker themes Pairings: ot7 x fem reader (eventual) Warnings: this series will have different trigger warnings listed for each chapter (if there are any), but as a whole, this series will include violence, mentions of depression & other mental illnesses, cursing, abuse, drugs/alcohol, some shitty medical descriptions because i am NOT a doctor, self-esteem issues, fluff, and possible smut in future chapters (but that’s undecided). i will add more warnings/tags in the future if there are any. Description: In the year 2613, over half of the world’s population are what scientists consider ‘designer babies’. YN is a small town girl who is a true natural born, someone born naturally without he help of a lab or gene splicing. Her DNA is greatly sought after, but what is she willing to do to protect it? Word count: 3.6k

It was early. Too early for you to be awake. As you rolled over in your bed, taking your poofy duvet cover with you, you noticed that it was barely dawn. Your curtains were drawn, how you always left them - liking to wake up with the sun, and you couldn’t even see said sun on the horizon yet. You could make out a pink line that melted perfectly with the purple and blues of the night sky. After admiring the beauty of it for a moment, you rolled back over with a huff.

You’re already awake, might as well get out of bed.

You lived on a peach farm, or orchard, that your family owned and had chores and duties to fulfill around the house and land. The orchard was on about ten acres, small for a farm, but big enough to get the job done. Your father sells the peaches you harvest to local grocers and restaurants and sells the rest at your mother’s stall at the farmer’s market in town. Your mom grows flowers in her garden on the property and makes beautiful arrangements for locals. She just recently made the arrangements for the wedding of one of your old classmates. You helped out where you could with harvests, taking care of the animals your family cared for, and working the market on weekends. It wasn’t a luxurious life by any means, but you were happy. You definitely couldn’t complain, not when most natural borns had way less than you. You were fortunate, really, and content living this small town life.

You swung your legs over the edge of your bed and stretched your arms up high, letting out a big yawn. Your pajamas were all bunched up and uncomfortable on your legs as you scooted closer to the edge of your bed, expecting your toes to meet the cool wood of the floor. Instead, you were met with something warm and fuzzy and a loud meow that sounded through your room, making you jump.

“Ai- sorry Mochi,” you grumbled, watching the cat scurry across the floor. You smiled and shook your head at the cat, who was now giving you a death glare from next to your bedroom door. You slowly stood up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and opened the door to let the devil cat out. He quickly took advantage of the open door and ran down the stairs as fast as he could. You watched him for a moment before making your way to your bathroom down the hall.

Closing and locking the door behind you, you started your morning routine of brushing your teeth and hair and washing your face. Once you turned the faucet off, you rubbed a clean white towel over your face, pulling it down slowly as you peeked over it at the mirror. You looked tired, small bags beginning to form under your eyes, skin darkening slightly from being out in the sun, maybe even a little sunburnt from working at the market yesterday. Still starting at your reflection, you hang your towel up on the rack with a sigh, turning to get dressed for the day.

Your normal work day attire consists of jeans and a t-shirt. It was June, just starting to get unbearably hot in Korea, so you opted for some looser linen pants and a light shirt. You didn’t have a whole lot to do today other than feed animals, clean the chicken coop, and help mom out with some arrangements. You wouldn’t be harvesting the peach trees until late July or early August at the rate they were growing currently, though you did still need to monitor them and make sure they remained healthy before harvest season.

By the time you were ready for the day, the sun was just barely coming up and the smell of coffee beans entered your nose. Mom must be up, you thought to yourself. You smiled and made your way down the stairs, grabbing onto the bottom of the banister and swinging yourself around it, an old habit of yours from all the way back in elementary school. You were still a kid at heart, even at the age of 23.

“Good morning Pearl!” your mother called from the kitchen. Pearl was the nickname your parents have called you since you could walk. Natural pearls are extremely rare, almost never occurring in nature. You were also a rare breed, a true natural born, hard to find like a pearl, hence the nickname.

“Morning mama,” you said, walking up to her and giving her a side hug, “watcha makin’?” You asked with a teasing lilt to your voice. Your mom was a tad shorter than you and you liked to take advantage of that, leaning your elbow on her shoulder as you watched her stir the pan in front of her.

“Steamed eggs and rice, now go get your father, would you? We have to start on these arrangements soon, Mrs. Lee needs 25 of them by tomorrow afternoon.”

You gave your mom a nod and made your way back up the stairs, hopping over Mochi who was now taking up residence on the second step. “You’re gonna get stepped on your curious cat,” you said under your breath. Mochi just watched on as you took two stairs at a time.

Before you could reach the top of the stairs, you nearly stumbled straight into your father who had just come around the corner. “Who-whoa,” he laughed out as you grabbed onto the railing to stop yourself from smacking into him.

“Mom needs you!” You yelped out, passing your dad on the stairs and running into your room to grab your phone from your nightstand. You could hear your dad chuckling as he walked down the stairs. As you picked up your phone, you noticed you had a new message in your group chat you had with your two best friends, well, your only friends, you supposed.

From Mina [11:13 pm]: pearl!!!

From Mina [11:13 pm]: pearl are u awake?

From Woo [11:15 pm]: why are you awake min?

From Mina [11:17 pm]: cant sleep, pearl, u up!?

From Woo [11:23 pm]: I’m gonna guess not

From Mina [11:25 pm]: ugh dfghjk

You giggled at your screen for a moment before typing back a response.

You [6:37 am]: sorry guys, i went to bed early last night what’s up min?

You pocketed your phone, definitely not expecting a response at this ungodly hour, and headed back downstairs. On your short walk, you thought to your two friends, Mina and Wooyoung, who you befriended in middle school. Well, actually Mina befriended you and Wooyoung in seventh grade because you were both outcasts that didn’t talk to anyone. Ever the martyr, she brought your little group together and you’ve been thick as thieves ever since. You don’t see them as much as you’d like nowadays, as they both attended the small community college in your town. You never really liked school, never excelled at anything, and were always a homebody. College just didn’t sound fun to you, especially if people there were anything like at your highschool. Highschool hadn’t been kind to you. You were labeled ‘half-breed’ and ‘mutant’ by a group of girls who wanted nothing more than to see you suffer because of your looks. Boys would flirt with you, leave you love notes, and even try to harass you in the halls, but never because they actually took an interest in you. The one time you went to a party with Mina, you had been cornered in some guy's barn by one of the popular boys who was trying to get in your pants. This just made the popular girls even more angry with you and would jump through hoops to make your life hell while at school. All of those experiences taught you one thing: most people can’t be trusted. Some might say you have trust issues (Mina) while others will try to get you to come out of your shell a bit more (Woo and your mom), but in the end, you’re comfortable with your two best friends and your parents. You never asked for more because you simply didn’t need it.

Most, if not all, families these days only had one child, so you nor your friends ever knew what it was like to have siblings. Even your parents were only children, so no aunts, uncles, or cousins to call an extended family. This was normal, though, because a law was put in place in 2505 banning families from having more than one child to help with population control. If a family broke this law, they were fined excessive amounts of money. The law was easy to enforce with parents of lab born children, since their child had to be entered into a national database, meaning no company would work with them again to avoid hefty fines, or possibly being put out of business. It was a little harder to enforce with natural born families. The law was definitely one sided, aimed to force more and more natural borns into poverty.

You were snapped out of your daydream as you entered your kitchen, taking in the sight of your dad sitting at the dining table reading something on his tablet and your mom making a grocery list. You smiled softly, rounding the table and taking your usual seat next to your mother. “Thanks for breakfast, mom,” you said kindly, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“Of course, Pearl. Now eat up, we need to get going soon if-” your mother was cut off by the sudden shriek of the doorbell, which caused you to jump what had to be 5 feet in the air. Who was ringing your doorbell at - you took your phone out - 6:44 in the morning?

Your father had the same perplexed look that you must’ve worn, getting up out of his chair and heading towards the front room of the house. You shared a puzzled look with your mom who just shrugged her shoulders and went back to her list, blowing on a piece of hot egg in her spoon.

As you started to fiddle with your own spoon, you tried to strain to hear the conversation happening in the other room. You could hear hushed murmurs that sounded rushed, almost angry. You squint your eyes in confusion. It sounded like your dad was mad. He never gets mad. Who could be at the front door? Slowly, you rise from your seat to go investigate, your mother paying you no mind.

As you round the corner of the kitchen, your father comes into view holding the front door at a 90 degree angle from the wall, effectively blocking your vision of the man on the other side. Your dad’s profile told you what you needed to know, though. He was visibly angry, apples of his cheeks reddening. He was still speaking in a hushed tone, though you could tell it was tense.

Slowly, you walked over to your father, peeking around the front door. If your dad noticed your presence, he didn’t mention it. Standing on your front porch was a man, shorter than your father, with dark hair and round glasses perched on his nose. He was obviously a natural born, as he didn’t have any of the perfect or striking features you were used to seeing on business men such as himself. He didn’t look intimidating in the least, but you could almost see the steam rolling out of your dad’s ears. As soon as the man caught sight of you, a bright grin took over his face.

“Ah, you must be YN,” he starts, taking a step forward and reaching out his hand, “it’s so nice to finally meet you.”

You were confused by his words, taking a step back to match his. You didn’t know this man and you definitely didn’t want to shake his hand. Did he say finally meet you? What is that supposed to mean?

“You need to leave,” your father started, causing the shorter man’s attention to fall back on him, “now.” Your dad left no room for discussion, effectively ending the conversation.

The mysterious man nodded once, looking back at you. “We’ll be in touch,” were his final words before turning on his heel and walking back towards a sleek, black car at the end of your drive. Before you could take in any more details of the car, your father was closing the front door. He breathed out a heavy sigh and placed a hand on your bicep, gently leading you back to the kitchen.

Your mom looked up from her, now nearly finished, breakfast. “Who was it, sweetie?”

Your dad sat back in his chair, leaving you standing, confused, in the middle of your kitchen. “Yeah, dad. Who was that?” You asked, genuinely concerned about the stranger.

Your dad let out another sigh before turning to look up at you, “Just another company. You know how they are, Pearl. Persistent, but they’ll back off eventually once they realize we aren’t interested.”

You slowly nodded in understanding. These designer baby companies have been coming to ‘scout’ you since you were in elementary school. They would come to your home, or even your school, and try to talk to you about selling your DNA and how it would be beneficial to your family, maybe even bring them out of poverty, make them rich. When you were a child, the offer was enticing, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little curious even now. But you knew where you stood on the subject. You didn’t want to sell your DNA. You didn’t want anything to do with these big companies that were making natural borns poor while getting rich in the process. But you remembered something, “Dad, what did he mean by finally meeting me?”

Your dad has his back turned to you again, starting to eat his breakfast. You could see him visibly stiffen at your question before quickly relaxing again. Your mother seemed to notice this too, sending a worried glance at him, to which you couldn’t see his response. Without turning to look at you, he mumbled, “That was Hyunwoo, a former classmate of mine.”

So you were right in your assumption about Hyunwoo being a natural born. You know your dad hadn’t gone to college, and his family lived in this very house while he was growing up. That means Hyunwoo must be from the same town as you. Most people living here were living in poverty, so why did he look like a million bucks? No one from this town could afford a car like that either. Before you could get too lost in your thoughts, your father was speaking again, “He works for a pretty well known company in Seoul. He’s been interested in you since you were a little kid.” The thought alone was enough to make you feel nauseous. You didn’t even know this man, yet he’s known about you practically all your life. Apparently he’s been seeking you out for a while too, if your assumptions are correct.

“Why was he here?” You voiced your thoughts aloud.

Your father set his spoon down on his dish before turning his entire body in his chair to face you. “It’s nothing Pearl,” he started, firm but gentle, “You know these companies never leave us alone. His is no different. They’ll get the message sooner or later.” There was a finality in his tone, making it known there was no room for discussion on the matter. With a nod of his head he stood up from his seat, gathering his dishes, and deposited them into the sink. “I’ll be out in the orchards if you need me.”

You nodded before sitting down at the table and picking at your food.

“Don’t worry, dear,” your mother said as she, too, stood up with her dishes, “this type of thing happens all the time.”

Even though you trusted your parents, and they were right - it did happen fairly often, something about Hyunwoo seemed different. The way he looked at you and spoke the words ‘finally meet you’, made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Even your mom and dad seemed nervous when his name was spoken at the kitchen table. But you trusted your parents. Right?

In the early afternoon, you had just finished your chores of feeding the chickens and cats, and you were wandering around the orchard. Your dad had retired to the shed on the far north corner of the property. He liked to spend a lot of time in there, tinkering with old appliances. You and your mother had finished the arrangements for Mrs. Lee earlier and now she was at the market fulfilling the list she made earlier.

You didn’t really have anything that needed to get done right away. You know you should probably go check on the flowers in your mom’s garden, make sure they don’t need to be watered again, but it’s been a while since you’ve walked through the orchard without the responsibility of the trees looming over you. Your father cleaned up the trees earlier, made sure drip lines were intact and checked over the farm, so you decided to indulge in your favorite pass time.

You walked away from the chicken coop towards the edge of the orchard. It was truly one of your favorite places in the whole world - not that you’ve seen much of it, but still - and you could spend hours getting lost among the beautifully colored canopy of peach blossoms.

When you reached the edge of the orchard, you leaned your hand against the cool oak colored bark of one of the trees, and toed off your shoes, leaving them in the dirt. The trees were just starting to blossom with pretty pink and white flowers among the green and almost yellowish leaves. Only about another month before harvest, you thought idly to yourself.

As you walked through the trees, you relished in the feeling of the cool dirt beneath your feet, squishing between your toes with each step. The air outside was hot and humid, but the earth was cool under the shade of the trees. With each trunk you passed, you let your hand ghost over the rough bark, memorizing the feeling of it. You looked up at the leaves, slowly moving in the slight breeze today. Your family's farm was small, only about 10 acres, so the trees weren’t so dense you couldn’t see the sky above or would be completely hidden from view while walking through them. If your dad were to come out of his shed, you probably would’ve been able to see him from here, though it was a good distance away.

As you got closer to the center of the trees you found a nice trunk to sit down against and pulled your phone from your pocket, checking your group chat with your friends.

From Mina [2:05 pm]: pearl pearl pearl

From Mina [2:06 pm]: where are u

You rolled your eyes at your best friend's antics before typing out your reply.

From you [2:36 pm]: walking through the trees, what’s up?

Almost immediately you were looking at a response.

From Mina [2:37 pm]: there was some guy here on campus today

From Mina [2:38 pm]: a girl from my econ class said he was looking for you

From Mina [2:39 pm]: said he looked like he didn’t belong here, i’m assuming it’s some company but i wanted to let u know

Your heart dropped into your stomach at this new knowledge. It wasn’t incredibly strange for someone to be looking for you at the college. Most residents of the town attended the college at some point or another, what with it being free to attend because of a bill passed decades ago by natural born activists fighting for education for those living in poverty. But something about this felt wrong.

Before you could respond to Mina to ease the worries you were sure she felt, you heard what sounded like a twig snapping somewhere behind you. Already on edge from the text messages, you quickly stood up, turning almost completely around in your spot. Your eyes focused on the spot where you thought you heard the noise come from, only to be met with nothing. Despite knowing you heard something, part of you wondered if it was all in your head, the events of the day messing with you.

In the distance, you could see that your family’s truck was still missing from the drive, meaning your mom was still out shopping. Quickly, you glanced at your father’s shed - the doors were still shut tightly. Momentarily you wondered if he would be able to hear you if you screamed. Shaking the thought from your mind, you turned back around to face the tree. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught movement from behind a trunk a few yards in front of where you stood.

“Who’s there?!” you half yelled, fear starting to creep up your spine. You definitely weren’t one to fight, much more comfortable running from your problems and confrontation. You wished Mina was here, she would be brave enough to move forward, to protect herself from danger. You slowly started walking backwards, not taking your eyes off the trunk where you believed someone to be hiding. You wanted to turn and run, but didn’t want to risk whoever it was behind that tree attacking you from the back. As you continued to take cautious steps, your back collided with something firm, yet not hard enough to be a tree trunk. This was softer, warmer. Human.

To be continued....

AUTHOR NOTE: Sooooo, who do you think YN ran into?! Who do you think will make an appearance next chapter? ;)

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cassyapper · 4 years

Note

Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

#THIS IS SO MESSY IM SORRY I DIDNT PROOFREAD ANYTHING #uhm but yeah these guys. drive me nuts!#jjba #jojo spoilers #nothing too heavy but just in case #cass cries #iwannagrill

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vinylhazza · 4 years

Note

Can you write a lil thing about confiding in your best friend (either twin) about your abusive relationship and then he helps you leave and shows you real love. I'm in a abusive relationship atm and I wish I had it :(

LEAVE HIM FOR ME (G.D)

warning: mention of physical abuse, trauma, mention of sexual abuse, angst, fluff

*italics are flashbacks/past conversations*

grayson would have been trying for so long to figure out where the bruises were coming from. he stopped at nothing to try and pry the information out of you until he finally started to back up after you got angry at him one evening for not letting it go.

“just let it the fuck go grayson, i fell. i told you that.” or “yeah straightener is a bitch you know? you’re not a girl you wouldn’t understand gray, i’m okay.”

you knew he was trying to help, but feared that giving them the knowledge would only make it worse. your jackass of a boyfriend was dangerous, you knew it even if he didn’t. he could hurt him, and that was the last thing on earth you would ever want - for grayson to be hurt. you would get teary eyes and a flustered blush when he noticed your frown at the mention of the bastards name. it was like a shock to your system. with grayson...everything was different. you weren’t weak. you weren’t some piece of meat that could be abused and used whenever he pleased. you weren’t a derogatory name that seemed to define you.

he kept you safe. he kept you warm when you shivered. he made sure you ate when he notices you haven’t touched a single piece of food all day, takes e time to cook your favorite meal of all. he would care for you, wait on your every hand and foot when you felt ill, make that special soup his ma taught him when he was younger, he knows how much it helps. he braids your hair to help you calm down, and he’s actually very good at it. something about the tenderness and care he gives you when he’s messing with your hair immediately eases your stress, and you don’t know it, but he has a small smile the entire time.

God that man would love the fuck out of you, just waiting in the shadows for you to see that he was right there, waiting to give you all the love that he could give. Grayson’s love language was physical touching, he loved to have his hair played with, back scratches, hugs that last too long, having your legs propped up over his lap as you watch a netflix special. he often watches you close in those moments, running his own fingers through your hair, deep slow massages, and sometimes....he even leaned in for a kiss on your cheek, your forehead, and when he was especially clingy, your neck. you didn’t think anything of, even tried to ignore the fluttering in your stomach - the butterflies swirling around like a tornadoe. and you especially ignore the clenching in your lower region, trying to convince yourself it’s not him in particular but the lack of affectionate touches you never receive from your boyfriend.

deep down, you know your heart tells you different. but you aren’t a cheater and how could you leave? you know he would come after you, after your family, after grayson, even after ethan if he’s as crazy as you thought he was.

the first time he hit you, was the first night he ever yelled at you as well. it had been sudden, out of nowhere, shocking. he was...not right that day. he was irritable, not really speaking to you all that much...just quite frankly being a dick. your love language is physical touch just like graysons, but...not that kind. you had just wanted to hug him, maybe give him a reassuring squeeze to let him know you were there to help him and be there for him through whatever it was he was struggling with. you know how hard it is to be in your own head and have no one to share your pain with.

but his hand slapping into like a tidal wave prevented that from ever happening.

“what the fuck is wrong with you?! can’t you see i want to be left the fuck alone?! are you fucking dumb?! get out!”

you spent the whole night crying, curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around you tight, a bag of frozen peas pressed up against your right cheek. in the morning when you woke up with a groan, you stumbled into the bathroom to find a black and blue bruise right along your cheek bone - a hateful looking mark. this...this wasn’t love.

“such a slutty, dumb little bitch. thinking you can wear that out and strut around like a whore? then i’ll treat you like a whore.”

he never apologized and the violence never stopped. the punches became more frequent, and it was getting so hard for you to hide them that you began making excuses: falling, fluke accidents that sometimes made no sense, dropping something, bumping into things. but everytime you made up a lie, it took a piece of you away. a piece of you that you felt would always in some way be connected to him. to his viscous words, actions, and those little moments that kept convincing you to stay.

you stayed for the rare moments he would smile, the times that would remind you of the man you fell for - the one that didn’t exist anymore. you knew you were foolish and anyone with a brain could see right through your stupid lies and excuses, but you simply avoided talking about him. he made you think it’s what you deserved. and after a while you believed it.

you stopped being sexually attracted to him in the very beginning, when the hitting first began...but he...he was a man of selfish desire. take what he wants and be on his way, keep treating you like dirt, keep kicking you while he knew you had no fighting chance. he took advantage of your body, used you like a toy and threw you away. made you think it was a yes even when you screamed no. a hand over your mouth, his tongue down your throat, you didn’t have a choice.

grayson knew it all along. he knew the bastard hit you. he knew the disgusting filth of a man you would go ‘home’ to. he knew it wasn’t your true home. your home was him. your home was grayson. but you had to keep him safe, hence the reason you never admitted to the consistent mental, physical, and sexual abuse. but grayson refused to do nothing, stand by and watch the women he loved suffer all alone, determined to be your knight in shining armor, save you from the villain trying to ruin your beautiful life so full of purpose.

“what am i supposed to do e? he’s hurting her, like really hurting her. the bruise on her neck isn’t a fucking burn it looks like a goddamn hand was choking her to death. what am i supposed to do? tell me what to do.”

Distraught was an understatement when it came to a teary eyed grayson sitting at the foot of his brothers bed. you had left after a movie night, having to lie to your boyfriend and tell him you were at a girlfriends house, you’ve already been beat up for even mentioning graysons name. you would never make that mistake again.

ethan sat straight up against his headboard, pulling at the stubble on his chin, brow furrowed with a concerned, and angry, scowl.

“the asshole thinks he can just get away with hurting her because she sits there and takes it...it’s killing me. God how did she get herself into this mess...i just feel...useless. i’m supposed to protect her e, that’s what you do for the people you love and i fucking fail her over and over again everyone i let her walk out the front door of this house,” grayson grumbled, leaning over the bed with his head in his hands. his shoulders were tensing, something that usually happens when he’s especially stressed or upset about something.

“i’m sure ‘taking it’ isn’t exactly what she’s doing. she’s scared. he’s a big guy gray, a dangerous guy, he can really do damage to her if she tries to fight him back,” ethan mutters, not wanting to make his brother more upset. it didn’t seem to be working, “you know this isn’t her fault and so do i gray. a man like that will stop at nothing to control her every move. it’s an act of dominance, control, he wants to rule every action, every thought, every move she might make. if we do anything, we need to do it fast, and do it in a clever way that won’t get her fucking killed by that psychopath.

“it’s just impossible to sit here and have her flinch when i try to touch her...i would never fucking hurt her. i never have. and i know it’s so hard for her to trust anyone with all of the shit she has to deal with...but God dammit i would move heaven and hell for that girl and i need to save her,” grayson sits up, a noticeable tear streaming down his face. his love was evident in his every word, “i’ll take my time. make her see she deserves better. whatever the fuck she needs to convince her to leave that dumbfuck, i’ll do it. i just need help e, that’s all i’m asking.”

“of course gray, you know i got your back. and i have y/n’s too. we are gonna get her away from that creep and show her what real love is. not that fake disgusting shit he claims it is. doesn’t even know what the fuck it means and he has no business using that word frankly.” ethan’s tone is clipped, sharp, and deep - he would do whatever he could to get away just like grayson would. granted he’s not in love with you, but he doesn’t have love for you, and he would still do anything to protect you, “but be patient with her. a guy like that stops at nothing to tear down a woman until she thinks she deserves what’s coming to her. she accepts the pain because she is trained to live in silence. we need to break that silence and make sure that she knows it’s okay to tell us and we would never put her in danger.”

there is silence for a moment, full of tension, worry, for their friend. graysons worries if he speaks, he might cry. instead he ops for bouncing his knee in a steady rhythm, something you taught him to do when he felt restless. and it helps. but with a deep breath he’s turning back to ethan.

“okay so, how do we do it?” grayson stands, ready to take on whatever it is to get her in his arms safe and sound. even if that means hurting her jackass of a boyfriend. hopefully soon to be ex, he thought.

“well, i think maybe tricking her into a little intervention is the only way to go about it. or maybe one of us can convince her to spill the beans. it might be too much on her if we both start hounding her with questions she’s scared to answer. i’m sure some of them are very personal. we can’t freak her out, she’s already so fragile.” grayson knew he was right. he needs to proceed with caution. maybe if he could convince her he’s who she belongs with...confesses to his desires and wishes maybe she would have the strength to leave. if that’s even what she wanted. if not it would ruin their friendship and she would still be in a bad situation.

“true...if we go to their apartment fists up and ready to fight, it will probably make it worse and fall back on her. she’s doesn’t need any more problems than she already has. i mean hell, she’s even scared to sleep anymore,” grayson ponders. he remembers the nights she would stay over when her boyfriend was away gallivanting with whatever floosy he could find. cheating abusive bastard that he was. then it dawned on him.

“what if, and hear me out, what if we just move her out and have her live with us? i mean the guy doesn’t know where we live and fuck it i’ll get security if i have to. we’ve been needing it for a while anyway. she would be safe, protected, and with her closest friends who wouldn’t let a damn thing happen to her,” grayson tried to explain himself, gauging ethans reaction to see if he had a disapproving face.

to his surprise, he didn’t. in fact, it was like a lightbulb clicked inside of his head. with a clap of his hands he’s standing.

“that’s actually a great idea. i don’t know when he leaves or whatever the dumbfuck does but when he does we can go over there and get all of her stuff out and move her in here. we just have to make sure we know when he leaves, when he comes back, and most importantly if she will even say yes.”

it was three days after when you finally stopped by. the bruises on the left side of your neck and cheekbone fading away. graysons heart broke every time he saw the purplish hue on your face. he would kill him if he could. he would do whatever it took to keep you safe. he just had to do it like a civilized human being. he knew that at least if you’re on his property and your stupid bitch if a boyfriend came by...well let’s just say he wouldn’t be so forgiving.

he pulled you into the backyard with the sun just sinking under the horizon. he wondered how you managed to sneak away without a scratch, but hopefully it would be the last time you had to.

“i need to talk to you about something,” grayson started, pulling at your hand to bring you further into the backyard, standing in the grass just beside the pool. he was nervous, palms sweating already. this was a big moment, and it could change everything for them.

“is it about the last piece of banana bread? cause i ate that like a week ago and if you just now noticed maybe you don’t really love it like you claim you-“ you started, teasing him with a smile. always the jokester. he wondered how you found the strength the smile. but he cut you off before you could finish. his frown had your smile wilting.

“i know he’s hitting you. don’t try and hide it either like you always do. you always try and cover up his abuse and his fucking disgusting behavior. and i understand you’re scared, y/n. but this ends now. i don’t care what i have to do to make you see you deserve better but this...this isn’t it. you have so much to give and deserve someone that would burn the whole fucking world down to keep you safe. so stop pretending and tell me the truth.” there it was. that face he was dreading. the face of absolute terror.

he knew. he fucking knew.

you thought you had been good at hiding it from him, from everyone really. even your mother loved your boyfriend. she often said he was “good for you” that she was happy you found him when you did because “he’s the only one that’s really ever gotten you under control”. you haven’t talked to her in months, to say the least.

grayson recieves a chest rattling silence. something he wasn’t expecting from a girl that was known for word vomit and stuttering all over herself trying to get a thought out fast enough before it slipped away. but you stared at him with wide, misty eyes. you were scared - frozen in his backyard. you couldn’t believe he had come right out and called you on your bullshit. but you knew it was coming, you tried your hardest to hide it, but grayson wasn’t stupid.

with a slow shake of your head, you swallow the tears threatening to escape your eyes. you won’t be weak in front of grayson. you spent so much time being weak because of him, but no, not in front of grayson. he deserved better than someone that couldn’t even escape a white boy she fell for after a run in at the movie theater. he deserves someone that can fight for herself.

“so you know. you and ethan i’m assuming?”

a nod with more silence. he is watching you, not exactly staring, but certainly focused on watching you try and hold yourself together. you know ethan is somewhere close by, watching this go down from his own little hide out. you’re half tempted to yell out to the house and tell him to get the hell out there and face you, but then you know you’d have to confess the truth in front of not one, but two of the most important people in your life.

“...what then? you want me to sit here and cry? you want me to break down and talk to you about all the times i’ve come over here and lied? pretending everything was okay and putting a smile on my face? because believe it or not this is my safe place and i’d rather not think of him. you make me forget. i just wanted to forget and i know that hurts you that i didn’t say anything but i don’t know what i’m supposed to do right now gray...” your voice is thick with emotion, hands coming up to twist at the flowy tank top resting on your torso. it suddently became very chilly in the backyard that felt previously warm in the suns dying moments until morning.

“i’m not letting this go. not like all those times before. i had my suspicions, had those little clues that would pop out when i reached to tuck your hair out of your face, or help you with the laundry you still do even when you don’t have to. you would jump, y/n...from me. and i would never,” he swallows, you can feel all the strength it’s taking him not to show you just how much he wants to cry, “i would never, hurt you. there isn’t a bone in my body that would ever touch you in any way other than love and adoration. i know it’s because of him. he’s - he’s fucking sick, y/n. he’s twisted and made it almost impossible for you to live a normal life. you snuck over here didn’t you? it’s nearly 8.” you know he won’t let it go until you answer, so you give him another small nod, biting at your bottom lip and flinching at the tear that drops down onto your cheek. it would wash away that pathetic layer of concealer you put on, exposing more of the purplish bruise he left there.

“where is he? let me guess - he said he was going to “tanners” right?” his voice remains calm, with just a hint of a grit there to show how truly disgusted he was by the man that abused you time and time again.

another nod and small sniffle.

you felt like a child getting caught by your parents for sneaking out.

you and grayson both knew there was no tanner. there was and never would be. it was just another girl he decided to fuck around with before coming back to control you, make you feel like the disloyal one. make you feel like the monster.

“and what happens when he comes back and you’re not there huh? what happens if he comes back early and wants you to text him a picture of where you are? actually fuck that have you even thought that maybe the psychopath put a tracker on your phone? ...why are you back away? hey hey come here it’s okay i’m not mad at you,” grayson is trailing off into an apology when he notices the distance beginning to grow between your two bodies. he was near yelling at the end of his little speech and you’ve learned enough to know what yelling means. of course he said he wouldn’t hurt you, but that’s exactly what he said in the beginning too. and look where you are now.

before you can back away from his touch any further, he’s tugging you into a hug, cradling the back of your head against his chest. his heart beat was steady, the calm thumping easing your own nerves. he never held you like this. grayson wasn’t him. it was unfair to be afraid of everyone because someone tried to stifle your fire. with your body tucked into his arms, grayson rocks side to side on the bottom of his shoes, eyes closed and chin resting on the top of your head. you liked to be held when you’re upset and overwhelmed and he knew it. it helped ground you.

he’s pulling away too soon, swiping a hand through his hair in frustration. you know it’s hard for grayson to express his emotions sometimes. giving him the same patience he gives you is the least you could do. you stand quietly in front of the tall block of muscle, arms crossed once again - a comfort mechanism you’ve taken up over the past few months - and wait for him to sort his thoughts out and try again.

“i didn’t mean to yell but dammit, y/n. i mean it when i say you can trust me. i know he’s ruined so many things but this - us - isn’t going to be one of them. he doesn’t get the satisfaction of pushing us apart. you -“ a huff “you’re too...special to let go. and it’s his own fault he can’t see it.” from the dead serious look in his hazel eyes, you know he means every word.

you wouldn’t say grayson is entirely closed off, especially when he’s always touching you in secret, tender ways when no one else is looking. he tells you secrets he’s scared to tell anyone else. he’s not a secret. he’s just in some way...scared just like you.

“gray i don’t know what to tell you...it’s not as easy as you’re making it seem. and yeah he has ways of tracking me i’m sure, but i can’t just go without you you idiot. that would kill me. it would fucking break me and i hate that you’re making me admit it.” he frowns at the break in your voice.

“leave him,” graysons voice is soft, but more serious than you’ve ever heard it. so deep rooted with...something you can’t quite catch...that it makes you shiver.

“gray...”

it’s not that simple. you can’t leave a man that has his grip on you too tight. you can’t just leave a man that has made it his goal to make sure it never happens. you can’t just leave because you wish to be with the love of your life...you can’t just...want love when you’re trapped with no hope of escape. especially when that very same person whose love you yearn for is promising it to you, unknowing of the sure consequence.

he doesn’t give you a chance to turn him down, say anything more that will certainly be a way to weasel yourself out of this. he knows you’re in denial, denial of what there is blossoming between you, the bod consuming desire to always be touching whenever you are together - whether it be a pinky hooked around another, an arm over your shoulder, an arm around his waist, fingers massaging at your scalp. whatever it was, it was real.

“might i make a suggestion gray?” ethan frowns, biting at the skin of his bottom lip, now raw with his anxious assault.

“whatever it is make it good because i’m not changing my mind,” grayson grunted, slicing his bananas at a quicker pace. he’d have to build up strength for this conversation, lord knows it’s going to tire him out. you’re a tough one to crack. another reason that he fucking loved you so much.

“tell her how you feel before it’s too late. i’m sure you’ll be pleased with the outcome.”

how could he be so sure?

fire twists in your tummy as grayson inches towards you, eyes narrowed right at your own misty orbs. with irises blown out and black, he tucks that cussed piece of hair behind your ear. with his fingers feathering across the skin of your cheekbone, another tear drops to your cheek. it streaks a hot river across the skin, chipping away that milky concealer, a mask to hide the evil. the way he gazed at you like you were and always would be the most beautiful treasure, only made you confirm to yourself that it was torture to love someone you were scared to have.

“i know you feel this...don’t fight it...just let me show you how good this can feel...how it’s supposed to feel” his voice had switched from one of raw emotion to one of earnest and...need.

within an instant he is grabbing your face and pulling you close by the back of your neck, a hand digging deeply into your mane of hair. he made a fist to secure you to him, afraid if he let go you might disappear. another hand was pressed against your cheek - being careful to not apply direct pressure to your bruise, instead rubbing it tenderly with his thumb. his touch not only eased the pain, but the memories that matched themselves to it. soft plump lips landed on yours perfectly with a hum resonating in his chest. it was a pathetic, needy sound - one that made you aware that he really meant it. he’s been waiting for this. to have your lips smashed up against his. it was like an itch he’s been waiting to scratch, now relieved. he takes his time to let himself feel his way through the kiss - initially feeling your shocked lips at a stand still.

he almost backs away in defeat, but then... you’re sighing, a satisfied, eager sigh tossed between the two of you. biting at his bottom lip felt like a burst of unashamed power coursing through your veins. your tiny nimble fingers are tugging at his white cotton t-shirt and pulling him even closer if possible, goose flesh tracking from your shoulders down to your fingertips. youve kissed let that be known, a guy here or there, but none of those kisses had ever felt like this. before registering how much trouble you would get in if he ever found out what you were doing and how good it felt doing it, you are tilting your head to the side and moving your lips against his greedily. humming into his mouth and pushing your front against his flat. fuck his kiss felt so good. his lips were patient and languid, lapping like smooth waves of the ocean. persistent.

his hands made sure to move your face just the right way, get just the right angle, sure he could feel you turning weak at the knees already. not anything like any other kiss you’ve been given. it’s patient, tender, purposeful - that purpose being to convey just how much you mean to him and always will mean. the way he’s kissing you is a desperate move to tell you how he feels without having to say it just yet. this is everything you’ve ever wanted but never knew you could have, or feel, or want.

his tongue is slipping into your mouth when you gasp in shock at the electric fire burning through your senses and into every nerve in your body. your hands feel tiny on his massive biceps, but he loves the feeling of your thumbs rubbing at his skin while he kisses you so deep. your tongues danced together, the kiss stealing your breath away. it was fierce and passionate, everything you thought kissing him would be like. you had daydreamed about this moment forever, and you couldn’t believe it was finally happening. especially not like this. not when you’re a damsel in distress, waving your pathetic hand at the top of the tower in hopes your knight in shining armor would come and save you. the day had finally come.

he’s pulling away slowly, begrudgingly, panting from working his mouth so hard against yours. wanting to take it farther than a kiss, but understanding enough to know it would take a lot more time to be at that poin - no matter how bad you both wanted it. your trauma lurked beneath the surface, a fight for another day. he poured everything into that kiss. the rosy red color of his skin being a testament to that. he hoped you knew just how much it meant to him. from the way you stared at his mouth in a trance, he knew it meant just as much to you. the look of wanting in your eyes made him shiver.

“you want me?”

the best you give him is a puffed out “yes” between your lips, staring at his own longingly. it was a pathetic sound, a cringe fighting to shrink in your shoulders and hide yourself from him, but you accepted it as it came. you wanted more. you thought for a split second that you couldn’t imagine never feeling that again. electric. strong. like fireworks igniting in your body over and over. your eyes travel slowly from his mouth to his soft wishful eyes, feeling the sudden urge to cry again.

“leave him for me,” his whisper is pained, vulnerable and aching for you to want him back. need him back. love him back.

“but i can’t have you, you know i can’t. he won’t allow me to leave him.” God it killed you to even say it. You wanted to throw caution to the wind, and in a way you had, but to throw it all out would mean putting him in the line of fire - and you didn’t know if you could bare seeing him burnt.

“yes you can, you can have me. every hour of everyday. you can fucking have me. you have always had me, y/n. i think you know that. i can’t lie anymore. not when it means this much to me. he won’t keep you a prisoner. i refuse for it to happen. i know you want this as much as i do. i feel it. i’ve always felt it. if you don’t leave for you, then leave for me. just...you have to let me protect you.”

the way he says it, just holding you in place, forehead resting against yours in an attempt to stop the tears bubbling behind his eyes. it killed him to see you caged like an animal when you wanted so badly to be free. he would do whatever the fuck he needed to do and he swore his life on it. whether you believed it or not.

“but how? he’s a psycho grayson the man beat me for getting gas without telling him. i was gone for 5 minutes.“

“i know sh, i know it sounds crazy and reckless,”

“really reckless,” you tutted, popping your lips out in a dissatisfied pout. it was cute but he needed to focus.

“- just hear me out. me and ethan have a plan that involves no contact, and if he does show up i don’t think you are underestimating the lengths we will go to, to make sure he doesn’t lay a finger on this beautiful body of yours. he doesn’t get to have you anymore, he abused that privilege, literally. he didn’t appreciate and cherish what he had so now it’s over. you won’t ever have to see him again. but it’s gonna take a little cooperation and for you to be that sneaky little detective i know that you are.” he waits for your reaction, confused that your eyes are still closed, your thumbs still rubbing at his forearms. it was peaceful. for the first time, you felt protected. and really understood. important. valued. loved. whole fuck you felt loved.

“i don’t know how much help i can be,” you choked, voice a lot weaker than you wanted it to sound. truth is, it was taking every bone in your body not to kiss him again, get that fire ignited again. but you had to focus. one battle at a time. beat the dragon, then you get the prince.

“how about this, you and i, we go back in the house, i’ll sit you down on the counter - yeah that’s right the counter - because i don’t give a fuck if ethan thinks it’s unsanitary. i’m gonna cook you you’re favorite meal, kiss those beautiful lips for as long as i want,” he pauses to dip his head down, pecking your lips slowly as an example, a butterfly flew through your core, wings licking at the buzzing nerves, “and explain every tiny detail until you understand just how serious we are about getting you away from that sick creep. i may be persistent but my brother is a determined mother fucker too and he cares about you, y/n. as much as he loves to tease you and throw his little tantrums when you eat the last piece of pizza - he cares so much. and he wants you to be safe. to be with us. be with me...if that’s what you want.”

“as in like...live with you? are you sure that’s a good idea? i mean i kind of have a crazy guy on my back you sure you guys want that baggage?” you’re tone is lighthearted and witty, but he knows that’s just you trying to hide how nervous you were.

“you know, when you love someone, their baggage becomes your baggage. you have that weight together and find the strength to carry it along the way. at least that’s what i’ve found out.”

when you love someone

when he loves someone

when grayson loves...

he loves you

“you love me?” the gleam in your eye is too obvious to miss, the excitement of a child, the joy of a rich man, the satisfaction of a sinner, the bliss of a saint.

“maybe a little,” he grins, lips dropping onto random areas of your face, making their way slowly down, down, down to your blush pink lips. the feeling of them puckering had him pulling you closer again.

“is it too much to ask that you say it again? just for good measure.” your request has him chuckling in your ear, hair tickling you when he bobs his head in a nod.

“i love you,” he sighs, finger hooked under your jaw to tilt your head to the side, sealing his lips down onto yours again. breathing in the sweet scent of your perfume. it drowned his every sense.

it felt so fucking good to say that.

it sounded like your favorite melody. and somehow, as cheesy as it sounded, it gave you strength. gave you that extra power you needed to know that this life did have a purpose beyond pain and misery. it had people like grayson. people like ethan. people that cared about you. people that protected you. people that were ready to do anything they had to do just to make sure you knew how loved you really were.

“i love you too.” it slipped out without you knowing. your hand itched to slap over your mouth, cover up the ultimate betrayal against the monster somewhere off in LA cheating on you again, planning his next attack against you. but no, you wouldn’t feel guilty about loving him. not when it’s the strongest emotion you’ve ever felt. not when it was the truth. and not when he’s cradling you in his arms promising a future beyond the pain and sadness you’ve been stuck in for so long. so for good measure, and just because it felt like a breath of fresh air, you say it again, “i love you.”

“oh fuck,” he breathes through a disbelieving grin, picking you up by the back of your thighs and spinning you around in circles. your legs hooked around his waist tightly, squealing laughter echoing throughout the backyard. this is the freest you’ve felt in so so long. he slows down to a sway once again, turning your head to kiss you slowly, pushing his tongue between your lips to dance with yours again.

“slow down, slow down, we still have something to do yeknow,” you breathe, a lazy smile aimed at his own delighted eyes. he looked so free and it shocked out for some reason that you were the cause of that look.

“no no you’re right i’m sorry, i’m just happy. feels good when you know the girl you love is safe for once. but i guess we do have to go talk to ethan about the insufferable douchebag you chose to date for whatever ungodly reason. must have had a magical dick or something cause the man is lacking in all other categories,” grayson mocks, setting you back into the flats on your feet and imtertwining your fingers together, leading you back toward the house where you presume ethan is waiting somewhere close by.

“actually no, he never really uh...finished the job in that department. was kind of selfish. but i managed,” you tut, rubbing your thumb over the skin on his hand, loving the feeling of him against you in any way you could get. you knew you were so touch starved, but didn’t care if it felt this good.

he stopped at the sliding glass door, face dully lit by the yellow of the light from the kitchen, pointing a defined eyebrow at you in a displeased scowl, the fucker didn’t even make you cum? with a shake of his head he’s sliding the glass door open, ready to talk to his brother and start the plan for your escape. hes ready to see you thrive again. he knows neither he, nor ethan will rest until you have shaken every form of contact with the spineless monster you’re controlled by daily. this plan will be his religion until it is completed. he turns his head to look at you, a smirk on his delicious soft lips, licking at them quickly.

“we will be changing that, make no mistake.”

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persephunee · 4 years

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LETS TALK “IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY” AKA, PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY

There is so much I want to say about this kdrama that I think some of it is going to have to be in dot points because I don’t know how else to string my thoughts cohesively. After watching episode 9, it’s further cemented how much I love this drama, how amazing I think the entire crew behind it is, and how I think this drama is such a huge step in the right direction in creating conversation about not just mental illness, but what it means to be human. It tests/pushes the viewers compassion and empathy constantly to show us just how important it is to break stereotypes. Do not get me wrong, I don’t think it’s absolutely 100% the PERFECT depiction of mental illness however you have to give it some leeway as mental illness is such a vast topic to cover and ultimately everyones experiences with mental health is going to be different.

Disclaimer: If you have watched this drama and find certain things offensive, or interpret things different to my opinion I understand. Everything I say here is what I think and feel and everyones entitled to disagree. I also love to discuss things in depth so please feel free to reply with your own thoughts!!

THE ENDING SCENE WAS SUCH AN emotional punch in the gut. The way they used the running joke of the show (where the characters ask who someone loves more and don’t get answer) as a build up to this climax where Sang Tae’s emotions that he’s been internalising, explodes is just... see you know that this is going to happen but the WAY they did it was phenomenal? You felt Sang Tae’s pain. And even though prior to this you can assume that he was traumatised from that event and Kang Tae’s words, it was both amazing and excruciatingly heartbreaking to see him finally verbalise this and release all this pent up resentment. He loves his brother so much and he feels so much pain thinking that the only family he has left wants him dead. It puts into perspective all the scenes where he’s terrified of Kang Tae being angry with him. Because he’s terrified his brother will hate him so much and leave him to drown just like he did that day.

Kang Tae on the other hand... I don’t even know how to express how much empathy I have for him and how much his breakdown broke my heart. Kang Tae loves his brother. He never meant what he said when they were kids and to this DAY he feels excruciating guilt over almost leaving his brother to drown. He loves his brother and he never meant the words he said, he was a child who was exhausted carrying a burden and expectations that he never should have had in the first place. He has spent every day since then to atone for it, and just when he’s beginning to feel that he can be his own person and forgive himself, the source of his guilt pain and trauma is thrown back in his face. His devotion to Sang Tae was not just a product of his mother, but his over whelming guilt for what he said (and almost did) to Sang Tae. Kang Tae deserves to forgive himself but it’s so painful to watch the process unfold because he has to address the trauma/feelings before he can make any move to forgiveness.

also a little side note on Moon Young and the fact that she shed tears watching.

It will be interesting to see how the show handles this. Both brothers love each other. Sang Tae needs to forgive Kang Tae and find a way to not only trust him again but understand him. And Kang Tae needs to find a way to ultimately forgive himself and make things right with his brother.

I also saw someone mention kang tae using the butterfly method on himself and EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY. I will credit that person who noticed it (x)

wow... that’s already a lot so rest of my thoughts are under the cut !

The writers of this show have done an amazing job to make sure everything has a purpose. All the characters are important to the story and they aren’t just there for the sake of filling screen time. For EG: that guy who started the rumour at the end of the episode about Kang Tae + Moon Young and them getting married. He wasn’t just someone we haven’t come to know. In fact in one episode he was even a character who illustrated how employees at psychiatric hospitals/wards can be overworked etc. and how that can affect a person. His characterisation as well is spot on. I hate him fo what he did episode 9, but when you look at the way he would gossip and judge the patients unprofessionally in previous episodes it grounds his character more. It wasn’t OCC for him to do, and so it feels less like he’s just a catalyse to propel the story forward, and more organic.

I was also immensely happy this episode that the couple who fell in love at the hospital (Areum and Jung Tae), parted ways. I was so happy the writers didn’t just try to get off easy by showing them eloping together (or continuing a relationship). He was mature enough to realise they were not ready, that he had a lot more work to do before they can enter a healthy relationship. This show heavily leans on fairytales and could have easily gone the Disney route of showing them happy together as if they didn’t have more healing and growth to do. The writers said no NOT today sir!

Coming back to Kang Tae and MoonYoung. THE KISS! I think it’s important to note that Kang Tae initiates the kiss, because all this time Moon Young has been pressuring him and if she were the one to initiate the kiss it would have felt forced and wrong. Kang Tae decided on his terms when he would break down that barrier and reciprocate. I also really loved the parallel of them seeing each other as when they were kids. They’ve been stuck in their trauma, both of them running away or hiding from their past and now time is starting again as they both navigate how to face it. Kang Tae kissing Moon Young wasn’t him saying “I love you” but more a sign that he was taking down his brick wall one piece at a time.

Also appreciated that after the high of getting suspended wore off they showed Kang Tae feeling regret and reassessing his decisions about finally letting go haha. This is an important moment to have, as it shows that you’re not just magically fixed. You don’t just suddenly go from suppressing all your emotions so far down you barely flinch when a knife slices your hand open, to WOOOPY I’M GONNA BE HAPPY NOW AND LET MY EMOTIONS GOO, without having that moment of “oh crap... “ after you’ve come down from the high.

OH JUNG SE DESERVES TO BE RECOGNISED for his acting as Sang Tae because honestly wow. I’ve seen him in other dramas before but he’s shining so bright in this drama and I really hope that not only him, but the other actors and writer and directors get recognition for this.

Another thing I really loved was finally getting to understand more what happened between Moon Young and Juri! It makes sense now why Juri resents her and maybe even is a little scared of her. Juri had every right to have multiple friends, but I can also understand Moon Young feeling betrayed and abandoned. They were kids, and I think this is a case of wanting to fit in with everyone. Juri was given the opportunity to be normal and fit in, and she took it without thinking of how that made Moon Young feel. And Moon Young dealt with her emotions and the situation the only way she knew how. THIS ALSO BTW IS A NICE PARALLEL TO Sang Tae and how he wants Kang Tae to only be close to him )albeit for different reasons but yes). MoonYoung on a level understands Sang Tae’s need to keep Kang Tae to himself because she’s felt similar emotions before.

Okay but I also love how this show illustrates taking 2 steps forward and one step back is okay. Healing and growth is not always linear and you’re going to stumble, fall back, and relapse and that is okay. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to take 2 steps forward again, or 3, or 4. It’s all part of the process, and part of being human.

Ugh omg there is so much more I want to say but I should probably end this post here. I think I need a whole other post just to discuss the dynamics between Moon Young, Sang Tae, and Kang Tae. If you read this far CONGRATULATIONS. You’re a star hahaha

#psycho but it’s okay #iotnbo #psycho but it's okay #pbio #thoughts... lots of htem #i just love this drama so much #kdrama #drama

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exhaustedfander · 4 years

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You Don’t Want This [Intrulogical]

This idea wouldn’t leave me alone until I put it to paper so here we are. This includes mpreg, just as a warning if that’s not your thing. Requests are open so please, send me some! I’d probably be willing to do any ship besides r*mr*m. As always, likes and reblogs are really appreciated, enjoy and have a good day/night!

word count: 3,106

a03 link

Logan hadn’t seen his boyfriend in a week now and that was decidedly very odd. Prior to now, they’d spent nearly every day together. At the very least, Remus would call him or send him a couple of dirty texts. But no contact at all? It just didn’t make any sense.

It wasn’t as though Logan hadn’t reached out. In fact, right before Remus had all but completely cut off contact he’d fallen ill. Remus claimed that it was nothing more than a stomach bug, probably some bad fish he ate. Normally, Logan wouldn’t doubt him; Remus was never one to forgo the truth, no matter how grotesque or messy it might be. But this…this didn’t feel quite right.

They’d been together for almost a year-in-a-half now, for god’s sake, they’d been talking about moving in together and now Remus wasn’t talking to him. He was dodging his call for the most part and the few times that Logan was granted the privilege of a conversation, Remus had come up with some very half-baked excuses as to why they couldn’t see each other.

Logan had asked if he’d done something to upset him. He put everything he had into his relationship, but he had never been the best at understand other’s emotions, as well as his own, so the idea that he had done something to unintentionally hurt Remus’s feelings wasn’t too out-there. Remus had sworn that it was nothing and that Logan didn’t need to worry, which only deepened Logan’s concerns. Still, Remus was upset and not knowing what he could do to fix it, he decided giving him some space might be the best course of actions. How it had gotten to an entire week of this almost radio-silence, Logan wasn’t sure, and he was damn near about to call Remus and demand some kind of an explanation when his phone began to chime.

Logan noted that it was Remus’s twin brother Roman calling. He and Roman had actually known each other for far longer than he’d been with Remus, having been friends for a long time now.

“Hello, Roman,” Logan said after pressing ‘talk’, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“When was the last time you talked to Remus?” The question came out of absolutely nowhere, effectively throwing him for a loop.

“Uh – just a few days ago. But I suppose we haven’t seen each other in a week now.”

“You suppose?” There’s an anger in Roman’s tone, fiery and frantic.

“What exactly is going on here? Clearly you know something I don’t.” Roman scoffed.

“Yeah, clearly.” Logan huffed out a sigh, his concern only escalating from where it had been. “Logan, you need to talk to my brother. Now.” In all honesty, Logan was surprised that Remus and Roman were even on speaking terms. They’d never gotten along very well in all the time that he’d known them and now apparently Roman posed vital information about his boyfriend that he lacked.

“I don’t understand. Why won’t you explain to me what the situation is? What did Remus tell you? Is he alright?” Roman sighed.

“I can’t be the one to tell you, Lo. And I know he’s gonna be too scared to tell you if you call him. Please, go see him. He’s in a really fucked up mental state and he needs you, even if he’s too afraid to admit it.”

Logan felt his heart beginning to hammer in his chest. Remus was in a, as Roman explained it, a “fucked up” mental state and he was afraid to explain the reason to him. The very thought of such things and all the many possibilities of what it could mean swirled in his head.

“Roman – please, just explain it minimally. You’re, you’re elevating my concerns. Is Remus unsafe? Is he injured or ill?” “Please, go talk to him, Lo. We can talk about everything once you guys have had a conversation, but I need that to happen first.”

“Fine, don’t tell me,” Logan muttered through gritted teeth, “Goodbye, Roman.” Before his friend could even respond he’d ended the call. Logan buried his face in his hands, fear settling deep into his bones. He’d felt like something was off, but he’d dismissed it. Why had he been so foolish? Why hadn’t he applied any logic? Of course something was wrong! Something had felt amiss for the entire week and yet Logan hadn’t wanted to upset Remus. Now, it seemed, he needed to go see him. He needed to know what the hell was going on.

Logan drove faster than was considered legal on his way to Remus’s apartment, something under almost any circumstance he wouldn’t do. But his anxieties were gaining in momentum and they wouldn’t let up until he saw his boyfriend.

Hopping out of the car, he pulled the key from his back pocket in case Remus refused to answer his knocking and approached the door. Logan gave a knock, feeling his hands beginning to shake.

“Remus, it’s Logan. Please, open the door.” Logan was met with silence.

“Dear, I saw your car in its spot; I know you’re there. Let me in, please.” Nothing.

“Roman just called me. He sounded…incredibly concerned for your well-being and I’m worried too. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m here…” Logan was just about to use the key when the door swung open, revealing a disheveled Remus.

“Rem –.”

“Remind me to kick my brother’s ass for calling you,” he snarled, though he stood aside so that Logan could enter, “It was none of his goddamn business.” Logan came inside hastily, noting that it was in even more of a disarray than usual. The coffee table and counter were littered with dishes and there were crumbled pieces of paper all over the place. Remus would often get like this when inspiration struck him like a bolt of lightning and he needed to write every idea that came to mind. Seeing the state his boyfriend was in, however, Logan highly doubted that was the reason.

“Remus, I know you’ve been avoiding me. I wanted to give you space, assuming I’d done something to upset you, perhaps. But getting that call from Roman…” Logan trailed off, seeing the look of utter exhaustion on Remus’s face. Remus’s hair was ruffled, sticking up this way and that, and his makeup was smudged, mascara and eye shadow having left a purple and black trail down his cheeks. Logan reached out to touch Remus’s face, only to have him jerk back and slam the door shut, “you’ve been crying…”

“Yeah, no shit,” Remus huffed bitterly, walking over the sofa and flopping down. Logan noted that his boyfriend looked even paler than usual, something that deeply worried him. He sat down beside Remus, giving him enough distance to hopefully feel at least a little comfortable. Remus crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes cast downward.

Silence hung between them for a tense moment as Logan watched Remus try not to burst into a fit of tears. It was agonizing.

“Remus, whatever is going on, you can talk to me. I love you. You know that, don’t you?” Remus sighed, running a hand through his frazzled hair.

“That’s the thing though, isn’t it? Love’s conditional.” Logan knitted his eyebrows together.

“What? I don’t understand, why would you say something like that? Remus, what happened?” Remus shook his head, taking a trembling breath before meeting Logan’s expectant gaze.

“Oh, it’s nothing really.” “Clearly, that isn’t the case. Something’s the matter; I’ve never seen you look so upset.”

“Well, I’m pregnant, so that’s something, I guess.” Logan felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs. He looked at Remus, searching for some kind of falsehood, a practical joke of some kind. All he found was broken, terrified sincerity.

“W–what?”

“Pretty fucking wild, huh? We were using protection and all that shit – and yet here we are!” Logan felt his heart beating out of his chest, his mind going a mile-a-minute. He went silent, needing a moment to process before continuing.

“Remus why…why would you hide this from me? When did you find out?” “Week ago,” Remus said casually, or at least as casually as one can muster when they’re very near to tears, “I talked to Roman about it, by the way. So you don’t even need to worry. He said he’d help me out, honestly, it’s really sweet of him. I didn’t expect it of him, but what do ya know? People surprise you sometimes.” Logan blinked, feeling himself beginning to tremble as he reached out for Remus’s hand. His boyfriend pulled away.

“I don’t need to worry? Are-are you under the impression that I’m not going to help you? This all comes as quite a surprise but – Remus? Remus, dear, look at me? Won’t you look at me?” Remus shook his head, tears burning in his eyes once more.

“No, don’t do that. Don’t fucking do that, Logan. You don’t want any part of this, trust me, I can handle myself.” Logan finally acquired a grip on Remus’s hand, holding it tight. His boyfriend’s wide, tear-filled eyes met his.

“Remus, you should have told me the moment you found out. The fact that you’ve had to deal with this almost all on your own for a week now…darling, I would have never wished that upon you. You don’t have to ‘handle yourself.’” Remus sniffled as Logan rubbed the pad of his thumb along his knuckles.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…don’t say all that, I-I know you don’t mean it. You’re not going to want anything to do with me after this.” “Who says I won’t?” Remus shuddered.

“I do! I – I don’t want to trap you in something you don’t want any part of! You’ve got a life to lead, so go fucking do it! Go and find somebody else, I’ll be fine. Always am.” Logan shook his hand firmly, feeling the emotions burning through him.

“No. Remus, don’t say that. I cannot fathom what you’re going through mentally at this time, but I can assure you, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been terribly worried and when Roman called…well, I feared for the worst. Darling, I love you. I could never leave you, especially in the vulnerable state that you’re in.” Remus sniffed, jerking away from Logan’s grasp and burying his face in his hands.

“Stop saying that! S-stop it, I know it’s not gonna be true anymore. Please, just stop it…” A sob bubbled in Remus’s throat as he felt a hand settle onto his shoulder.

“Falsehood," Logan replied, far softer than he usually said the word, "I do love you, and this by no means changes that. Whatever course of action you want to take, I will continue to love you. You are my partner, you are the person who has stolen my heart, and I support you in anything.” Remus went silent, save for the sniffles, poking his head out from his hands and daring to make eye-contact.

“Even…even if I wanted to keep it?” Logan nodded, rubbing steady circles into Remus’s back.

“If that’s what you want then, yes. Even then. Is that what you want, Remus?” Remus whimpered.

“I…yeah. Yeah, I think so. Do you think I’m crazy? Me, thinking I could do anything like that? Even though it was a complete accident?”

"Of course I don’t think you’re crazy. As I said, whatever you want to do, I will put my support in you. I’m here, Remus, and I’m not going anywhere.” Remus sniffled, a hopeful smile wavering on his face.

“Do you promise? You’re not – you’re not gonna change your mind?” Logan pressed a kiss to Remus’s temple, reassuring and tender.

“I promise.” Logan suddenly found himself with a lap-full of Remus who was hugging him as tight as humanly possible and sobbing into his shoulder.

“Okay good b-because I was totally lying. I don’t have anything under control. Logan, I’m fucking terrified.” Logan couldn’t say he was much less scared. He’d never imagined himself being a father, never considered the possibility of having something like that with Remus. And terrifying though it was, the idea of Remus no longer being in his life was far scarier.

“It’s alright. Fear is a perfectly natural reaction. It’s going to be alright.” Logan felt Remus beginning to relax in his embrace, burying his face in the crock of his neck.

“I’m sorry…I just thought…” Remus trailed off, noting how he was getting tears and smudges of makeup on Logan’s shirt, though he lacked the energy to care, “I love you. I love you so goddamn much and I can’t believe you wanna stick around. I mean, you know I’m being serious, right? I wanna keep them…I know it’s nuts, and I’m just about the last person who should be having a baby but…”

“I believe you, Remus. I don’t think it’s nuts. We’re two perfectly rational, functional adults.” Remus snorted.

“Yeah, maybe you are.” “You don’t give yourself enough credit, darling. You’re a fantastic author. You’re a wonderful person.”

“You’re one of the only people who’d say that, babe. Me and “wonderful person” aren’t really words that go together.” Logan pressed a kiss to the crown of Remus’s head.

“You’re wonderful in your own ways, my dear. And I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful father.” Remus moved to look at Logan, an elated look in his eyes.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” Remus said before kissing Logan enthusiastically. It was a scary statement to contemplate, but one that excited Logan nonetheless.

“That we are,” Logan said fondly as they pulled away, “That we are.”

=+=

Logan rubbed Remus’s back as he heaved his guts out for the millionth time that night.

“It’s called fucking morning sickness,” Remus moaned into the toilet bowl, “Does it look like morning to you? It’s 10 o’clock, for god’s sake.”

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Logan said apologetically.

“That was my big tip off,” Remus said weakly, “The moment I got you to leave I was puking all the time. I figured either I was dying, or I was pregnant, and well, luckily it was the later. Though at this rate I might die from loss of vomit or something.” Logan decided against commenting on the fact that “loss of vomit” was not a cause of death, opting instead for getting a washcloth to wipe Remus’s mouth as well as a glass of water.

“Thanks,” Remus mumbled, dabbing the puke of his lips before downing the glass in two swallows. “I feel like shit.”

“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Logan coaxed gently, helping Remus off the floor and into his bedroom. Logan’s very much set on having Remus move into his apartment as soon as possible, but for tonight this is where they’ll both stay.

“I really am sorry for how I acted,” Remus said uncharacteristically softly as Logan shut off the lights and slid into bed with him, “I was just so scared…ha, was. I’m still so scared, but you’re here. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“You don’t need to apologize, dear. You’re under an incredible amount of physical and emotional stress, your reaction, though unfounded, was understandable. I’m not upset with you, if that’s what you think.” Remus sighed, wrapping his arms around Logan and pressing his face into his boyfriend’s chest.

“That’s good…LoLo? Do you really think we can do this?” There was a fragility to Remus's voice unlike Logan's ever heard. “And – and you’re not going to get scared away? When things progress, I mean. We’re only in month two or so, I think?” Logan searched for Remus’s hand in the dark, finding it and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“You could never scare me away. I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow, by the way. To check in on the baby.” Remus smiled, further ensnaring Logan in his octopus-like-grip.

“You’re the fucking best – shit, I probably got to stop cursing so much huh? Well…that’s a problem for a little bit later. Little bean’s too tiny to hear any swear words right now, anyhow.” Logan quirked an eyebrow.

“Little bean?” “Uh...yeah. That’s what I’ve been calling them, for the time being. I dunno I thought it was –.”

“It’s very cute. I’m not making fun of you.”

“Kinda sounded like you were about to,” Remus huffed.

“Well, I wasn’t. Go to sleep, Remus. You sound exhausted.”

“I’m still mad at Roman for telling you.” Logan sighed, carding a hand through Remus’s ruffled curls.

“I’m glad he told me, otherwise I wouldn’t have come here sooner. I wouldn’t have found out that we’re going to have a child.” Remus smiled.

“We are. Knowing you, we’re gonna have the smartest fucking kid. The two of you are probably going to make me feel like such an idiot.” “Don’t talk like that. You’re nothing of the sort. Our little bean,” Logan noted the way Remus squeezed him just a bit tighter when he said it, “Will be a wonderful combination of the both of us, I’m sure.”

“You have to promise me that you’ll help me find maternity clothes for when I look like a beached whale. Only fun colors though, none of those beiges or greys.” Logan smiled fondly.

“I promise, dear.”

“And when we tell our friends, you’ll have to do it. hearing it from me they’re just going to think I’m trying to pull a practical joke.” Logan chuckled.

“Of course.”

“I love you, Logan,” Remus said, voice layered with exhaustion.

“And I love you, Remus,” Logan said, listening to Remus’s breath even out as he drifted off to sleep.

Logan certainly hadn’t expected any of what played out to occur, but now that this was the situation he was in, he doubted he’d do much to change it. He loved Remus more than anything and though the thought of the two of them being a family hadn’t occurred to him much prior, it brought him joy to contemplate now. It was a scary concept, them being parents, but he was convinced they could do it. So many people even more ill-equipped had children every day, why should they be any different?

When Logan had called Roman after his and Remus’s conversation, he’d received a congratulation from his friend. Roman had known that Logan was going to stick by his brother, despite what Remus had been convinced of at the time.

Logan closed his eyes, holding Remus close and dreaming of the future they could make together.

=+=

#intrulogical #romantic intrulogical #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides oneshot #mpreg #mpreg Remus #hurt/comfort #angst/fluff #fluff #human au #Logan sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #cute #sanders sides fluff #remus the duke sanders #the duke #exhaustedfander

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