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oneoftheprettynerds · 4 years

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Fixed: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 4 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 3: Love So Soft

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s shorter than my usual updates but I’m busy so sorry for the delay. My final exam dates have come and all I can do is pray right now lol. Please pray for me if you can, this sis is out here writing fanfics for yall instead of studying so, haha. ANyways, enjoy babies! Shit happens in this chapter.

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 5K

Chapter 4: Fixed

You didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. Your hands shook every time you got a flashback and even though you were numb to emotions that entire day, tears threatened to spill whenever your mind took to you to that overpriced kitchen again.

Now that he had gone to a dangerous and unnerved assaulter from a Dad trying to take care of his daughter, your mind wouldn’t put anything past him. You knew that in the back of your mind that he was a mobster and your ‘friendship’ was alarming to say the least, but now there was no denying his resources and power and the very obvious threat to your life lingering in the air.

At least before you had the luxury to be oblivious and ignorant, not anymore though. Steve felt even more unhinged and liberal now, even messaging you daily, greeting texts that you obviously ignored. He knew you both were aware that you never handed him your number and he felt no need to hide his pursuit.

You read most of the messages, not bothering with a single reply though. You tried to block him but somehow your phone would still receive messages from his number, even though his contact would always peek back at you from the otherwise empty blacklist.

As if his torment wasn’t ample, another message thread from a different number would forward you alarming images, photos of Grace in her daycare, on a class trip to the park and even her playing in your backyard. You had no doubt that this was another game of his to show you his resources.

You skipped daycare for a few days, your mental health worse than it was after the carnival attack, because now you had a personal tormentor and you cursed yourself for falling into this mess. At times, you believed it wasn’t your fault really, you just helped a kid and this situation spiraled itself but what would pointing fingers now get you? The harsh truth was you were in a calamitous situation now and every step from now on had to be thought out.

So, you let Grace attend her daycare and acted if nothing was amiss or altered, after the few initial breakdown days of course, kept going to your job and earning the bread. You considered your options, you really wanted to go to the cops or a higher fair power but those were few these days, almost non existent in your city. You also vaguely recalled meeting three of the Captains of the PD at Sarah’s birthday, all smiley and doe eyed for Steve. You knew they wouldn’t help, fucking kiss-asses.

Maybe you would have to move somewhere else, perhaps to your hometown, at least till things cooled down or better yet were forgotten? But that trail was very predictable and you didn’t want your parents in this mess.

You also came to know that Steve had inserted himself in the other spheres of your life. You were sure your location was always being sent to him, the knowledge a courtesy of the black car following you while you travelled to home at some late day’s end.

Aiden told you whereabouts were easy to track, when you inquired ambiguously. Another instance was when you went to the bank to deposit cash for your debit card, you came face to face with an enormous amount already there. Somehow, the limit on your credit card was also extended. How, you knew. The clerk told you about an email you must have gotten in regards to it, you dismissed that justification away and told them to not accept the cash. To sum the discussion, they weren’t helpful and had no policy against anonymous donors.

Aiden, your trusted coworker cum pal, sensed the shift in your aura and fidgety form very easily, pestering you with questions and you decided to turn to him, stressed and tired and ready to do something. His questioning eyebrows made you confess vaguely but you refused to tell him the extent of it. Just that his prediction came true and you needed help. Let’s just say, Aiden was a good man.

With time, Steve’s ‘affectionate’ messages became deranged, and you found it harder to act nonchalant in your daily life. You were thankful he didn’t come to visit you, possibly occupied with the rumored war between the mobs. You just prayed for a few more days of ignorance, just enough time to think and do something.

“What do you mean someone collected her?!” You had a hard time controlling your voice, you were about to burst, in tears or with anger, you didn’t know.

“The man was verified in the emergency contacts and we got a letter signed and approved by you to skip the day an hour into the first activity.”

“A man? Emergen-, wait no! What fucking approved letter?”

You had three emergency contacts, your mom in another state, Aiden, and one of the other kid’s mom you had grown close to. Aiden was with you at work all day, so did someone disguise themselves as him? And what was the deal with the letter signed by you? You surely didn’t remember writing and authorizing one.

The boy, Pietro, who had been the receptionist for as long as you could remember, shuffled through the chaotic piles of paper and presented a letter to you, and your blood froze as your eyes skimmed the font.

Your beautiful cursive stared right back at you and you knew that no one would ever be able to distinguish between this penmanship and the one in the pocketbook in your clutch. No one but you. Even though you knew you had not written it, the slightly different ‘f’ and ‘g’ told you everything.

Your signature at the bottom though, was done quite perfectly and that made you even more scared.

“I did-, I didn’t write this! What the-” Your widened eyes met Pietro’s from above the paper but all he offered you was a meek smile. Your hands shook with rage and for the first time in your life, you had the urge to slap someone really bad.

“Maybe your family had an emergency to take he-”

“No, you don’t get it!” You stopped yourself from getting frantic, willing yourself to take deep breaths and think rationally. Today of all days, things had to mess up.

He didn’t know you had no family in this city, that you had a mobster after you or the subtle threats that his hired spy sent to you.

Was going to the police an option? Aiden already told you that the cops were as good as Steve’s men. But this was about your missing kid! You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to her. And you were giving Steve way too much credit, what if he wasn’t behind this all? Come to think of it, what if the other number wasn’t his?

Relax yourself! Thinking of disturbing theories wouldn’t help anyone. You thought you should go to the cops, just in case. No mentioning of Steve, just a woman with a ‘missing child’ report.

‘Missing Child’ left an acrid taste behind and you were too close to a breakdown, but your whole journey of single-parenthood taught you to kick vulnerability aside, well most of the times.

You turned and were about to leave, but Pietro stopped you. “If you are going to the cops Ma’am, they require 8 hours of inactivity or disappearance time for kids under 5.”

Well look who just read your mind.

You huffed and kept the tears at bay, your mind thinking of what to do then? Grace was obviously taken-

“How could you let a toddler leave without informing the parents?” You knew your anger was channeling out at the wrong man but didn’t he all but hand Grace to the stranger?

You beat him answering and inquired, “What did the man look like? Do you have any footage? Anything?” The wrinkles in your forehead and stress creases on your face paired with the eyebags betrayed your age surely. You were sure you had aged more this week than an entire decade, juggling your normal life with the hovering threat.

“You shouldn’t be this worried Ma’am.”

The fucking audacity.

“Your daughter recognized him, she all but ran to him and this other little girl he came with. You should maybe ask your parent-friends around? A blonde family perhaps?”

As all the emotions drained from your face and terror took over, the young lad in front of you looked smug. You wondered as if you imagined the faintest of smirks on his face.

You crumpled the letter in your hands, seething with rage as you stepped in your car. Oh, you were mad, more wrathful than ever. You could take any hits on you, any threat but not on Grace, never on her.

You were stupid, you had already decided you wouldn’t put anything past him but unknowingly, you did put this past him. You thought this man had a shred of decency to not use your kid in this adult war, being a parent himself and all but what a surprise! You were wrong.

You drove to your home, your thoughts a mix of trepidation, anxiety and fury. You were scared of him and his reach and resources but if he put Grace in any type of danger; whether to teach you a lesson or use her as bait or both, there’d be consequences.

Lord knows you killed a man a month ago Grace was threatened.

You had one thing to do before contacting Steve about Grace but you never got to do it because unexpectedly the bastard was in your home. In your home.

The black sports car outside was a huge giveaway but your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the door with your house key. The banter and giggles from inside alarmed yet calmed you; the dread of confrontation and the assurance of Grace’s safety reigned your mind.

As the door opened painfully slow like a horror movie, the sight that met your eyes made you sick with a feeling of failure. It wasn’t gore or blood or grunge, it was Steve bouncing Grace in the air and catching her while Sarah twirled around in the living room.

This man was craftier than you thought, every action of his was calculated, each a refined step. You had been so preoccupied to avoid direct encounters with him in your little family’s life that you didn’t think he had other ways. He was always looming around with Sarah and as Grace began to trust Sarah, she consequently began to trust her blonde guardian too.

As you slammed the door behind you, Steve’s eyes snapped to yours and his smirk made you want to punch him so hard. The smugness on his face while he let Grace down without breaking eye contact told you he had no regret, no remorse. In fact, he was loving every second of this cat and mouse chase between you two.

You were a millimeter close to losing your shit, the only check being the kids in the room. But you were mad and he was going to know it.

“What the hell, Steve? Messing with my kid?” You threw your clutch onto the couch, Steve haughty by the reception of his sent message but still holding back because of the kids. He called Wanda and you didn’t really notice where she came from but you did register Steve asking to take the girls to the park for a ‘private discussion’.

As Grace passed by you, you grabbed her arm lightly, making her look at you with doe eyes resembling yours. You gave her a smile trying to ease her, but you knew she was smart enough to sense the change in the atmosphere.

Apparently, the whining Sarah wasn’t.

You looked back to Steve, your hold still on Grace and continued with a frown and raised eyebrows, “She isn’t going anywhere, not out of my sight and obviously not with you or your goons.”

Wanda had the audacity to look offended and you scoffed at her, eyes staring Steve’s down.

“Honey, I don’t think the kids should hear what I think you have to say right now.” He said nodding to Wanda to take Grace.

“You must be deranged to think I trust Grace near anyone even remotely related to you! Take your people and get out.” You held your hand up to stop Wanda and pointed towards the door with the most menacing glare you could form.

Grace looked incomprehensibly between you two, concern and confusion on her face. That might have been the first time such a tone was used in your household. The grumbling Sarah was close to throwing a tantrum, irritated by the change in the playful air or the lack of attention to her, you didn’t know. She was hanging on Wanda’s forearm, her feet slipping on your printed rug. Wanda was trying to not look hurt still by your previous statement, distracting herself by the blonde kid and you were baffled by her obliviousness to all this.

Steve, the beefy blonde Lucifer, was furious and seething. His white knuckles and ticking jaw were the most obvious giveaways, the fingers just itching to beat the shit out of someone no doubt.

Was he imagining striking you into compliance into his weird playhouse game complex? You wouldn’t be surprised given the extent of his attempt to ‘win’ you over.

The ‘get out’ tone and blatant disrespect was a bruise to his ego for sure, and by you, a middle-class woman nonetheless was a worse injury. Steve was the deadly boss to armored men in the vicinity, the kids’ father figure, according to him, and Wanda’s stern yet kind employer.

People had been killed for less and there you were, standing in all your glory, being the only person alive to reject Steve Rogers and now, the only to raise your voice at him.

You almost scoffed at his impudence to look offended, what did he expect? For you to submit to him after the stunt he pulled? His reach was scary he proved today and that any future with him in your life in any way, was a fearsome possibility to entertain but you’d be damned if you went down without a fight.

“You can’t make me leave; we both know. You don’t have the physical edge nor the mental one. I have no problem drawing out G-U-N-S in front of the kids or to throw the warnings around, although I would prefer not to.”

Your free hand itched to slap him, like how his did minutes ago. It wasn’t a mankind problem about men thinking they were entitled to everything; it was a Steve Rogers’s problem. Of course, with him consent didn’t matter. If he had a ‘housewife, kids and fences’ fixation, he’d make it come true.

“Do you even listen to what I say? Or your own words even? Please, go ahead! Traumatise my kid and also yours in your wooing process! Why are you so obsessed? Leave us alone, you freak! I just ignored few messages!” You had a hard time maintaining your cool, if there was any left. You were sure you were scaring Grace and no matter what happened next, you knew she was already traumatized by this entire ordeal already. You were so sorry, so, so, so sorry to your poor baby caught in this mess.

You knew, no, you hoped, he wouldn’t pull out the gun, his actions at the carnival a proof, you remembered how he hid his gun on finding Sarah. That threat was empty but the next one wasn’t, his words making you freeze in your spot.

“I think you keep on misunderstanding me, sweetheart. I don’t make empty promises,”

Posh word for threats.

“For starters, maybe I should pay my future in-laws a visit in their blue duplex. They might need help with the vast garden they have, it is the season for ‘violets’, isn’t it?”

As you froze with your parents being brought up, he also cooled, albeit differently, smirking once again gaining the upper hand, not that he lost it if you were being honest.

“Isn’t threatening my kid enough for you, Steve?” You hated how your loud voice almost broke, your anger slowly subsiding into helplessness and you hated that. You hated his guts, his entitlement, his claim; everything about him.

“You still don’t see it, do you? Our family of four is the most important thing to me right now and I’m not above doing anything to save it.”

“There is no family of four Steve! I keep explaining and you keep coming back to square one with all this bullshit!” The curse word did tick Steve off but he would correct that later, when bigger things weren’t at ploy.

“Your ignorance makes me a little mad sometimes sweetheart and that is why I have to do all I do. You haven’t realized we need each other yet, but I’m staying until you do and even after that, I promise. You know how much it pissed me off to see your tickets and the packed suitcases after I’ve been nothing but nice? I was so generous to spoil you with my riches but instead I find that in your finances.”

This fucker knew. Of course, he did!

You were wondering in the back of your head what had prompted this visit with so many threats and warnings and anguish. He was pissed even before you ‘acted out’, he tracked the tickets and the plan and that meant he even tracked-

“You have so much to learn, but luckily you interact with quite a few people. I am most tempted to start out with this Aiden guy, trying to be the hero and giving you all the ideas. Maybe I should visit him?” Steve wondered out loud, and you flinched at his suggestion, hating how you were trapped by this man.

You couldn’t live with yourself if anyone got hurt because of you, be it your parents or Aiden or any other possibility Steve would come up with. Of course, Grace was your peak priority but you doubted he would hurt her as he threatened to harm them.

“Steve, please.” The fire was almost out, your hands trembling, Grace worried and Steve smug.

“Let the kids go and I think we can come to a conclusion.”

“Steve this needs to stop.” You said, your breaths heavy and helplessness clawing away at you.

“I won’t repeat myself.” He voiced out with a threatening edge, gesturing to Grace and Wanda, clearly telling you to first get the kids out.

For a deranged fucktard, he sure cared about the kids a lot.

You loosened your hold on Grace, patting her arm softly and nudged her to Wanda. Wanda received her little hand and enticed the kids with the promise of ice-cream. Sarah clapped her hands and as the trio left, Grace did look over her shoulders at you in concern and for permission, majorly in concern though. You nodded and waved, a tear dropping as soon as the door clicked shut.

You were still staring at the door, not wanting to meet Steve’s stormy blue orbs when he began, “Today was a slip up that I won’t tolerate again. Neither the cursing nor the dramatics.”

We aren’t in a fucking play, what the fuck is he labelling as dramatics?

Your eyes slowly flickered to his, and you had a hard time not letting the tears escape except the one traitorous one earlier. The fatigue, the worry of Grace’s disappearance, the threats to your friends and family were all catching up to you. It took all in you to stay strong and not fall down right now.

“Steve this isn’t funny anymore. It’s sick and you know it! I just said no! Was that so inexcusable that you had to follow up with this? You have violated me for that, broken into my home and now kidnapped my daughter! At what extent will you stop?” You broke down finally, arms a flailing mess as fat tears rolled down. Nothing scared more than the helplessness this moment. He won and he knew it. The carnival incident was nothing in comparison to this. The only good thing you could hope in all this was a safe Grace but that too only if you complied, which seemed like what you would do now given your attempts at fighting back and scampering have failed laughably.

“Gosh, I forgot how theatrical women are. You are smart darling; you know what I want from day one, just a happy family. Nothing that horrendous has happened and especially not as badly as put it. I’m just looking out for you and me in the long run.” Steve slowly treaded towards you, his hand extended to pat your arm comfortingly but you involuntarily flinched at contact and stepped back. Steve clearly didn’t like that as he caught your arm in a bruising grip and jerked you towards him. Manhandling you as your wet hands rushed to ease his grip was not a tough task for Steve, a surprise to none.

“Stop trembling like I’ve actually done something to harm you!”

Steve clearly didn’t know how to comfort women and it showed.

You stopped with the cowering away, even though it disgusted you to be this much in close proximity with your assaulter. He clearly had anger issues and no clue how to solve them. You needed to steer the conversation right and get him out. You could see your hands visibly shake as you put them on his chest, just to create some distance and in a way of surrendering to not fight. The tears slowed but you don’t think they stopped; it was hard to tell with a million other things on your mind.

As your eyes made contact, Steve loosened his grip, clearly a bit satisfied by your submission, as he began counting to help you breathe. As much as you hated to admit, it helped you and you got a flashback to the time when you freaked out on him about Grace at that extravagant dinner date. That was a sweet gesture then, not so sweet now. Funny how drastically things change with time.

It wasn’t so much Steve’s help as it was your own mind telling you to be fucking smart about the whole ordeal right now.

“Good. Better. Now let’s talk. Why were you planning to run away? I’ve been busy and coming home to find out that wasn’t joyful, you know.” His smile suggested a better mood than before but his voice, his husky voice always had this daring edge that almost challenged you to defy him but at the same time warned you of unpleasant consequences if you did.

“Steve, I’m scared.” You spoke with utmost honesty. “The part of the world you associate yourself with scares me. You can’t blame me for not wanting that life for Grace, I mean you have a kid of your own. Wasn’t the carnival attack specifically on Sarah?”

The reasoning was right but you knew you triggered him the moment his smile evaporated. He either felt insulted as a parent or disrespected in his profession or probably both.

He was fighting his inner demons already and you pointing it out was a slap to his face, a hit he didn’t want to take.

“That was a slip up, I admit. Never again. I’m only human, okay?” He convinced himself and you, his grip tightening a bit again.

Oh no, not the right direction to take.

You reckoned he still had nightmares about it like you, he really did love Sarah a lot, all things aside.

“Besides, I am looking out for you! Out for you and Grace and Sarah. I remember my promise of never putting either of them in harm’s way ever again.”

You definitely didn’t trust his security or his people because what sort of a mobster let his daughter get targeted and possibly abducted? You definitely didn’t know the whole story or if it was just a bad day but he wasn’t a person that deserved some slack. Despite all this, you knew what all he held above you, above a common man. He might not be ‘Kingpin’ skilled but a threat to you nonetheless.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “Is that what you call following me around, huh?” which you immediately regretted.

“Trust the process, baby. Everything is just to protect you.”

Is that what he called stalking even Grace around and twistedly enough, sending you proof of that? The anonymous thread of photos was another nightmare of yours, thanks to him. The last being a candid photo inside Grace’s room, her sleeping in her bed this morning and that’s when you decided you needed to get out. Of course, that didn’t go as planned.

“How am I supposed to do that when you have cameras in my house?!” You scoffed and he reeled back at the accusation, having the nerve to look impressed at being uncovered and caught red-handed.

“Oh my fucking God, it was you! You sick pervert!” You jumped out of his grip, your eyes wide and horrified. “I wasn’t aware of what to make of it but of course, it was you! Who else would be sick enough to do that?” You let out a humorless chuckle. You always put things past him even when you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t. When will you ever learn huh?

You were full on panicking yet again, this man was an assaulter, a stalker and a creep too. It would have made a good dark, psychological thriller for you to watch if you weren’t the protagonist about to suffer his obsession.

He reached out to steady you again, but you whipped and stumbled back, realizing too late that you elbowed Steve’s nose so bad that there was a crunch. That, right there, was the look a man real-fucking-furious on Steve’s face and now you could see the feared mobster, the man who was personally terrorizing you under the beautiful, Greek God façade.

Steve reacted so fast even with an injury that in a split second, your view of his face turned into a view of his crotch.

“You do realize that there are others ways for me to teach you obedience? I think it’s fucking time you show me your gratitude for my care and attention and apologize for your misconduct and unkind response.” Steve spoke with a hoarse voice, a voice running out of patience and just about done with defiance.

His hand fisted your hair, maintaining eye contact while he nodded between you and his crotch. You knew what he wanted, what he was expecting as ‘thanks’.

“Steve, please no, you don’t-”

His other hand grabbed your jaw, stopping you from speaking as he warned, “I think you have done just enough talking for today, so why don’t you put that tongue to a better use and show me how sorry you are. Better make it convincing because I’d hate to pay one of your friends a visit and then bitch about a nasty blowjob.” He smirked at the end of his monologue, eyes shining with triumph and amusement.

You wouldn’t let him harm anyone else, you couldn’t. You and your daughter were already knee-deep in a pit and at this point, it’d just be cruel to drag someone else in. With shaky hands opening his pants, you just hoped you could get Grace out before you eventually were buried in it.

“Now that’s a good girl. Submissive is a sexy look on you.” His hands patted your hair, playing with your tresses while yours pulled his pants and then briefs down.

His member jerked out, almost slapping you in the face as you recoiled at his insolence to get hard and erect at your torment. Your disdain must have shown which he took as admiration and derision to take his affluent cock in.

“No need to get shy, I have faith you’ll be able take it just as well in your pretty pussy as you will right now. Open up-”

“Steve, I beg you-”

Just as you had cut him off, he interrupted your pleading. Your gag reflex was probably the most efficient in the world but that turned this narcissist on. It had been years since you had done it, never with a man as beefy as Steve.

His taste was salty and if you had to put it into better words, it was the like overpriced sea salt flakes that you never bought. High and pricey and for the entitled.

Your hands clutched at his thighs as you blacked out multiple times; your jaw aching, uvula swaying and tears escaping. Him forcing himself on you brough a new sense of vulnerability as your body trembled. Steve relished like a sadist, practically rutting into you all by himself as you just sat there with your jaw unnaturally open.

His obscene moans and groans were crass and nauseating and you just prayed for this to be over soon and for no one to walk in on this, especially your kid.

It seemed like it would never end, your body dehydrating with all the spit it produced, the drool dribbling and landing just beside your knees on your printed rug. You would have to throw that out.

The tears stooped after some point, the sobbing an unnecessary action that just tired you out more on this eventful day. You moved your tongue around to prevent your teeth from scratching him when he shifted angles. If this was what he did on slightly mad, you didn’t want to find what he did for a more serious punishment.

Apparently, that action was something that turned him on even more, his breath hitching as neared closure. In broken whispers he demanded that again and you complied, wanting to get done with it.

He growled in the moment of his release and you tried to lean back but his grip didn’t relent. “Swallow.” His grainy, exasperated voice said out loud and you knew better than to defy.

He released you and you fell on to the rug, hip bruising by knocking into some furniture and tears coming back again after being hydrated by his seed. He packed himself, his smile smug and content as his expressions truly resembled ecstasy being personified.

“You be a good fiancée from now on and maybe you’ll have all your friends alive and present at our wedding. No cheeky business from now on, got it?” Steve hummed then and strutted out, not even bothering to listen to your reply.

As soon as the door slammed, your eyes closed and your demons danced again.

There was no right direction to take when you were stuck in a loop.

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b612sunsets · 3 years

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Let's make a quick analysis and theory about what might happen in episode 7.

Before jumping right into it, I want to remark that if Yohan had told Gaon about Sunah kidnapping him when Gaon asked him the next morning, a lot of her plans to persuade Gaon and make him suspicious of Yohan again wouldn't have happen. The importance of communication haha a story wouldn't exist if they did communicate all the time tho, so I get it but it's frustrating.

This is the synopsis of episode 7:

"Yohan admits his wrongdoings in front of the whole nation and declares war"

It's a fact from the end of episode 6 and in the preview of episode 7, in Yohan's words he's already at the edge of a cliff and if he can make the politicians that caused him and others pain take the fall with him, he will. It's here that I think Gaon was trying to appeal to Yohan about the importance of justice, he might be worried that Yohan being radical like that won't help him in the long run. And Yohan explains it's a war. He has his own vision of what justice is for a long time, he knows what's real justice and possible to do in regards to those people and what's not:

"Seon-ah is strangely calm, as if it is something that she has been expecting".

I don't even want to know what Sunah has under her sleeve but I guess she's just going to wait to see everything unfold until it impacts her own plans and wishes, then she will use Gaon and/or Elijah to stop Yohan in a crucial time because they ARE Yohan weakness and something he wants to protect even if he told her he doesn't have anything like that and she knows. And she's obsessed and wants Yohan to herself while at the same time wanting to ruin him for everyone else.

And then, we have this:

Yohan will put Gaon on the spot about his parents situation to seek revenge for them too (one of the politicians they have to take down is behind it or has some connection to it if I have to guess from what we saw in the first episode, the newspaper on Yohan's table of his research about Gaon), without preparing Gaon for it. Gaon will be livid because c'mon at least warn a man about making public a delicate and personal thing like that:

But as a good old Yohan biased I know he probably thought if he didn't do it like that, Gaon wouldn't let him and what happens afterwards wouldn't take place too. Yohan taking Gaon to the prison, where the person responsible for the fraud is/was locked up and had his years in prison reduced, is in parole or something unjust like that, if I have to guess again:

Yohan does that to show Gaon in the most personal way how justice is flawed and can't always be used to fight your battles, they have to take matter into their own hands. Gaon screams in this scene with his pain and from knowing the whole truth (probably). And Yohan isn't indifferent for making him go through that, he does look sorry in this scene, like he even cried a bit too because he can understand Gaon better than anyone:

By the way, "do you want me to go crazy?" it seems Yohan was able to convince Gaon this time because after saying this, we see the small knife in Gaon's hand and him stabbing someone or getting stabbed (we can never be too sure). I’m not even considering the chances of this being a past Gaon flashback bc it can be, he’s using a fringe but it can also just be a change of hair style like they have been doing in different scenes (like the one he is talking with his teacher about choosing sides, his hair looks more black than brown)

Remember the tvN's description of the characters and how it said mysterious deaths will start appearing around Gaon and Yohan and it's what makes Soohyun get worried for Gaon (Yohan being a bad influence) and want to discover Yohan's secrets?

And he's crying in this too, oh god... We will have two scenes of Gaon crying, it will be another intense one (as always) and it has a great probability of this episode being the turn point for Gaon and hopefully he will be on Yohan's side and team once and for all.

Just, please, don't die. I want Yohan, Gaon and Elijah to be happy and stay alive in the end of the series... is it too much to ask? It's my biggest concern.

#the devil judge #the devil judge analysis #the devil judge theories #gahan #lawful husbands

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dialovers-translations · 3 years

Text

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Ayato Dark [Prologue]

Monologue

ーー Past the underground waterway,

there’s a portal connecting to the Demon World.

I stood in front of it,

and after taking a deep breath,

gently pressed my hands against the door.

Then pushed.

A heavy sound echoes in response,

as the gates slowly opened.

Seeping through the crack,

was a never-ending darkness.

And thenーー

ー The scene starts in the forest of the Demon World

Yui: ( ...Ayato-kun...I wonder if he’s okay after being so badly injured? )

( ...I’m worried... )

( Either way, I should hurry to the castle so I can confirm whether he’s safe or not! )

( It should stand out amongst the other buildings, so I’m sure I’ll be able to find it if I just get a move on... )

( If I don’t, then... )

...

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!

( T-That was the howling of a wolf just now, right? )

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ( Again! )

( I-I should hide somewhere! )

ー The scene shifts to the abandoned building

Yui: Haah, haah...

( I guess I’m fine for now? )

...Phew...

( I just entered the first building in sight but I wonder if it’s safe here...? )

( ...I wonder what the others are up to right now. )

ー A flashback ensues

Ayato: Rest assured…Chichinashi. You belong to me. No way in hell I’m handin’ you over to some darn wolves!

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( ...Ayato-kun... )

( I want to rush to your side...I’m worried... )

( After all, if something were to happen to Ayato-kun... )

...

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!!

( N-No way! They’ve chased me this far!? )

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ( They’re getting closer. )

( W-What should I do? I don’t know where to run. )

???: ーー Oi!

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!!

Ayato: Shh...! Don’t make a sound...!

Yui: ...A...Ayato-kun...?

Ayato: Yeah, it’s me. So don’t go pissin’ your pants.

Haah...Geez. Why did you come here when you were told to stay behind in the human world...?

You really are an idiot! From today onwards, you’ll be known as ‘Baka Chichinashi’ (1) instead!

Yui: ...S-Sorry...

But...I was worried about you...

Ayato: ...You...

Yui: Say, are your injuries okay now? Did they finish the treatment?

Ayato: Fool. Who do you take me for?

As you can see, I’m in tip-top shaー Ugh...

Yui: A-Are you okay!? Don’t push yourself...

Ayato: Hmph. You should worry ‘bout your own body.

...So, about those wolves...

Yui: I can’t hear them anymore but...

Ayato: ‘Kay, seems like they left. God...

Yui: Y-Yeah...Thank god...

...Ah...But how did you know I was here, Ayato-kun? Is this building close to the castle perhaps?

Ayato: Nah. If anything, the exact opposite.

It’s just...For some reason...I just knew.

As if you were calling for me.

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: So, you didn’t have another one of your clumsy moments and hurt yourself, right?

Yui: Yeah, I’m fine.

Ayato: Hm...Well, that’s good then.

Yui: Um...Thank you for worrying about me when you’re not having an easy time right now either.

Ayato: W-Worry? I’m not concerned or anythin’! Don’t get the wrong idea! Che...!

Anyway! We can’t stay here forever. Let’s get back to the castle already!

Yui: Yeah...

( How strange...When Ayato-kun’s with me, I suddenly feel this safe... )

Ayato: ...Oi, why are you grinnin’ for by yourself?

Yui: Eh? I-I’m not smiling!

Ayato: Nah, you were definitely smiling! From ear to ear! I saw it with my very own eyes!

Haahn...Don’t tell me you were having dirty thoughts at a time like this?

Yui: Eh!? O-Of course not!? Iーー

???: ーー Playtime is over.

Ayato: ...!? And you are...?

Yui: ( W-Why is he here!? )

A-Ayato-kun, this is Shin-kun’s older brother.

Ayato: ...I see. I get it now.

I thought somethin’ was fishy ‘bout those two, but I guess you guys are also...from this world, huh?

Carla: ...

Ayato: ...! Oi, answer me!! You bastards are Vampires as well, aren’t you!?

???: ーー Vampires? Think again.

I’d rather not get grouped together with you guys ー capiche!?

*THUD*

Ayato: ...!?

ー Ayato collapses

*Thud*

Yui: Ayato-kuーー

???: Woah there. You’ll be coming with us too, Komori Yui-san.

*Thud*

Yui: ( Ah...! Uu... )

ー She collapses as well

Shin: Ahー ...Geez. It’s so hard to hold back and not actually kill them...

So, Nii-san? What should we do next? Do we kill the guy?

Carla: ...Shin. Leave him alone. Take both of them to the manor.

Shin: Roger. Haah, that being said, these two sure are a handful...

*TIMESKIP*

???: ...Oi...

Yui: ( Nn...This voice...? )

Ayato: Are you ‘kay, Chichinashi!? Get a grip...!

ー Yui opens her eyes

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: ...

...Geez. Even though you were still breathin’, you didn’t move at all like you were dead or somethin’...You’re not hurt anywhere, right?

Yui: Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you...But...Where are we...?

Ayato: Beats me. However, it seems like we were taken back to the human world.

Those Tsukinami guys, the one with the scarf and the other with the eyepatch...It’s probably their manor, no?

Yui: ...I guess so...?

Ayato: Haah. Even if I’m not in the best shape right now ‘cause of the Lunar Eclipse, I still messed up big time...Fuck...

Yui: ...I wonder why they brought us here...?

Ayato: Don’t ask me. ...But well, I doubt they’re gonna give us a warm welcome.

Yui: ...R-Right...

...

Ayato: ...Ugh.

...Oi, how to put this...Don’t make that face.

This isn’t a worst-case scenario or anythin’.

After all, I’m still here by your side! So why should you worry?

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Yeah...!

( He’s right. Ayato-kun’s here with me, so it’ll be okay... )

*Knock knock*

ー Shin enters the room

Shin: Ahー Sorry to interrupt, but do you have a minute?

Ayato: You...!

Shin: Stop, stop! No need to bare your fangs at me right away, don’t you think? I did knock for one, didn’t I?

Ayato: Like that matters one bit! You just dragged us over here for god knows why!?

Now move out of the way. We’re headin’ home.

Shin: I’m afraid you can’t. You two will be heading towards a banquet now after all.

Yui: A-A banquet...?

Shin: Exactly, a party! Sounds lovely, no?

Unlike you crude Vampires, us Founders have class.

Ayato: Founders...!?

Yui: ( Founders...Now that he mentions it... )

ー A flashback ensues

Reiji: In the Demon World, one more species going by the name of the ‘First Bloods’ exists.

They are said to be the ancestors of every species living in the Demon World.

Ayato: The fuck? That’s a first for me. Besides, I’ve never run into one of those over at the Demon World either.

Reiji: Of course not. They suffered defeat in a war against our Father and Demon Lord Burai, before being banished to a castle.

They are forbidden from leaving.

Laito: Then wouldn’t it be impossible for them to show up here in the first place?

Reiji: You are indeed right. But well, they possess the abilities of the wolf, eagle, snake and bat all at once.

Therefore, it would be possible for them to transform into wolves as well. I simply wanted to bring it up as one possible explanation.

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( Could those Wolves have been...? )

Ayato: I’m no expert on Founders, but you guys should be locked up somewhere, no?

Shin: Well, I guess you could say that.

However...Our time of having to endure the suffering has come to an end.

ーー No, we will end it with our own hands.

Yui: ...?

Ayato: Argh! You’re not makin’ any sense!

Anyway! Just get out of the wa...Ugh...

Yui: Ayato-kun!

Shin: Ahーah, are you trying to act tough in front of your girl (2) even though you’re not quite fully recovered yet?

Let me tell you straight-up. You have no chance at getting away from us while severely wounded like that.

If you understand that, you should just listen to us and come to the banquet.

If not...I’m sure even an idiot such as yourself knows what will happen to your little girlfriend over there?

Ayato: ...

Shin: Ah, right. By the way...She’s actually kind of my type, you know?

So you know, I personally wouldn’t be against having some fun with her, if you get what I mean.

You could say I’d love to turn that cute face of hers into a teary mess.

Yui: ...Uu...

Shin: If you don’t mind that, then be my guest and go wild?

Ayato: ...Tsk...

...Fuck...!

Yui: ...

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Shin: ーー Come on in.

Yui: ( It smells good in here... )

( I thought that maybe we’d be moved somewhere else when he brought up the banquet. )

( But are we truly...simply invited? ...But we shouldn’t trust them just yet, right? )

Shin: Take a seat wherever you like.

Ayato: I will do just that! My place isーー

Shin: ーー Wait! That’s where the owner of the manor sits. Good grief. Just how stupid are you?

Ayato: Shut up...!

Yui: A-Ayato-kun. Let’s just sit here together, okay?

Ayato: Che...

Shin: Haha, you really are a disgrace to all Vampires, having a human order you around like that.

Ayato: Aah!? That’s notーー

???: ーー What is this ruckus?

Shin: Hey, Nii-san. Perfect timing. I was having some trouble because our guests tonight don’t seem to have any basic manners.

Carla: ...

Ayato: Che...Starin’ at me like that.

Carla: ...

Ayato: What’s your problem!? Got somethin’ to say to me!? Then speak up!

Shin: Hehe...Too bad. Nii-san would never fall for such an obvious taunt. Anyway, just take a seat for now.

Ayato: ...Che...Fine!

...So? What’s the point behind this farce?

We’re not actually here to enjoy a meal together, right? Get to the point already.

Carla: ...

How pretentious...I truly do pity you for being born a Vampire...

Yui: ( I-I wonder why? I feel as if Carla-san has a perfect grasp on the situation... )

Ayato: Hmph! Don’t talk as if you know me!

Carla: ーー But I do.

You lot are fixated on that woman over here, all because of the heart which has been put inside her body. Am I right?

Yui: Eh...?

( H-How does he know about my heart...? )

Carla: Furthermore...Ayato, you were the first one to attack that heart’s previous owner, were you not? (3)

Ayato: ...

Shin: You guys don’t know anything about us, but we know everything.

That means we’re at an advantage in this situation.

In other words, you guys are on the losing side. I’m sure even an idiot understands that?

Ayato: ...Tsk.

Yui: ( W-What to do? I wonder what they’re after...? )

Shin: Besides...Hehe...

Ayato: ...What?

Shin: Oh noー... I was just thinking you’re quite the pitiful little guy? I almost feel bad for you.

Ayato: What do you mean?

Shin: Oh? I’m sure you know that better than anyone else. If you’ve forgotten, shall I remind you?

Carla: It seems like the lack of love and care you received from your Father Karlheinz...

Combined with Cordelia’s cruel treatment has twisted you quite a bit.

Ayato: Wha...!? Try sayin’ that one more time, you bastard!!

Yui: A-Ayato-kun, calm down...!

Ayato: ...

Carla: Hmph...It appears to me that said woman over there is keeping you in check for now.

However...

People do not change that easily.

Ayato: ...

Shut up...Not another word!!

*SHATTER*

Yui: A-Ayato-kun!

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! I don’t want to stay here one second longer! Let’s go!

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah...!

ー Ayato drags Yui along.

Shin: Ahーahー ... We worked so hard to prepare this banquet and he made a complete mess of it...

Well, in the end, Vampires are nothing but lowlives who can’t go one minute without throwing an angry tantrum.

That being said...They were only here for a little while, but this room already stinks of Vampire...

Honestly, it makes me gag...

Carla: ...Exactly...

ーー Get rid of it. Throw out everything they touched.

Shin: Fufu, gotcha, Nii-san.

ー The scene shifts to the bedroom

Ayato: Fuck...Why is this whole place so damn sturdy!?

My punches don’t have any effect.

Yui: ( We started looking around in search of an exit, but the whole manor is highly secure. )

( So in the end, we had no other choice but to return here... )

Ayato: The fuck’s their problem...? How do they know all those things...?

Yui: ( I wonder what the Founders’ goal is...? )

( Besides, why do they know Ayato-kun that well...? )

Ayato: ...Fuck...

Yui: ( I wonder if there’s anything I can do for him right now...? )

...Hey, Ayato-kun...?

ー She embraces him

*Rustle*

Yui: ( I hugged him in the spur of the moment, I wonder if he’ll get upset...? )

Ayato: Yui...

...

Yui: ( Ah...He wrapped his arms around my back... )

Ayato: ...Haah...

Yui: Don’t worry, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: ...What? Are you trying to comfort me? Shouldn’t it be the other way ‘round?

But...Well...Guess it’s fine. Since it’s you...

Hey...Nn...

ー Ayato bites her

Yui: ...Ah...

Ayato: Come on, let me have a little taste.

Yui: ...Go ahead, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: Nn...Hah...Nn...

Yui: ( If I can be somewhat helpful to him by being by his side, or by giving him my blood, then I don’t mind that at all. )

( I want to be there for him. ...I’m sure that feeling will never change, no matter what lies ahead. )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Since he’s talking about changing her nickname and I never translate ‘Chichinashi’ to English either, I decided to keep it consistent and put the idiot (baka) part in Japanese as well.

(2) 彼女 or ‘kanojo’ can mean both ‘girlfriend’ or ‘she/her’ in Japanese. However, I’m pretty sure Shin usually refers to Yui as あの女 or ‘ano onna’ or something else along those lines, instead of ‘kanojo’. Therefore, I decided to translate it as ‘girlfriend’ in this particular sentence.

(3) I actually had a lot of trouble translating this sentence. The phrase 手をかける or ‘te wo kakeru’ can mean both ‘to lay hands on’ in more of a negative sense, as well as ‘to care for’ or ‘to rear’. However, it doesn’t really make sense for him to say Ayato cared for or looked after Cordelia, so I interpreted it as Carla referring to the fact Ayato was the one who started when the triplets murdered her together.

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<- [ Sakamaki Prologue ] [ Dark 01 ] ->

#diabolilk lovers #dialovers #ayato sakamaki #dark fate #diabolik lovers translation #dfayatodarkprolog

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piratewithvigor · 4 years

Text

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years

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i'm curious, what are your top 10 favorite rinharu moments in high speed and high speed 2?? i love the books. i don't understand why people say is impossible to ship rinharu if you read them...

Lmao who are those “people”? As in multiple? And are they from Mars? I do not get this. You cannot be serious. You probably meant “impossible not to ship”?

I don’t know about top ten, I love all of their interractions tbh, they just remind me of my fav type of romance in general. I know what are my top 5 I think, but after that I love everything, so it’s hard to rate.

1. My absolutely favorite moment will forever be the one, where Rin describes the way he sees Haru in the water, I’m seriously forever in awe, because, I’ve read a lot of books, and like... even period dramas got nothing on Rin Matsuoka, when he describes the love of his life. I mean, seriously, find yourself a person who sees you the way Rin sees Haru lol

Rin felt like he was touched by the light, that surrounded him with warmth. He turned around to see Haruka, who was glowing. Shining. Haruka was shining with every strong and confident stroke that he made. The outstanding energy, emitted from him, surrounded Haruka with the dazzling light and Rin froze, unable to look away. Rin’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, that he forgot how to breathe. Haruka stole his heart. And the further away he got from him, the more distance grew between them, the more uneasy Rin felt, like he was losing the control over his emotions. He was possesed by Haruka’s shining. His strokes looked as if he was hugging the water, his leg movements were so effortless and so elegant, as if water herself was moving him to the finish line. But in all these deceptively smooth and unhurried motions were so much strength and power and such incredible speed, that all his opponents didn’t stand a chance. His swimming was that transcendent reality. He was like a bird dancing in the sky with its wings spread wide.”

Dude... I’m like... still speechless. I mean, and not just this, but everytime Rin talks about Haru, even when he jokes about his stupid habbits, you still feel that he finds him so beautiful, inside and outside, that it just makes my heart melt.

2. When Aki tells Rin that if you put him and Haru together, you get a perfection.

“That guy has no sense of humor. He should learn by watching me, don't you think?" Rin joked lightly.

Aki laughed a bit at his words. "It's true. Add the two of you together and divide by two, and it would be perfect."

But I mainly love that moment, because like... Aki starts telling him, that Haru is not what he's pretending to be (like for some idiots in the fandom who call him selfish, that was the explanation for them xD) and how everyone always want something from him, and he never asks for anything in return and doesn’t have anyone to lean on (yup that’s what I said all along, too, with Makoto’s dumb behavior in difficult situations, he’s on his own there lmao). And she waits for Rin to deny it or like be surprised, but it turned out that that’s exactly how Rin sees him and that he cracked him from the very beginning. BTW, here’s your addition to the ask about Rin loving Haru for who he is and seeing him for who he is. I’m just in love with that moment, because I’m happy that he just... not only he knows him, but bc he’s not one of those many idiots who just don’t get it.

"Nanase-kun seems like he can do anything all by himself, doesn't he? He's good at studying and sports and even art. He really can do anything, right? That's why everyone relies on him, but it would really be something for Nanase-kun to rely on anyone, wouldn't it?"

Rin certainly thought this was true. He had only just transferred, but the image that Rin had of Haruka was exactly that. But even if Haruka didn't have the will to go out and get involved with other people on his own, it wasn't like he was completely isolated. On the contrary, he was considered the most reliable person in their class, and when people relied on him, he always did his best to meet their expectations. This was the strange balance that people around Haruka had to maintain.

3. The one when Haru calls Rin by his name for the first time. And I honestly for some reason didn’t even realize that this moment was in the anime until my 3rd rewatch (lol), but, man, little Rin’s reaction is the most adorable ever. I cry.

4. When Gou meets Haru for the first time and immediately goes “ah so you’re Haruka Nanase, the one, who my brother talks about 24/7...‘Nanase is so cool, Nananse is so fast!’” and Rin just goes red lmfaaaaaooooo.

5. When Haru says that he feels the fever running through his body each time he just sees Rin, but he doesn’t understand what it means... ahem.... OH WELL

6. When Rin tells them he’s leaving and Haru gets absolutely furious and calls him a selfish jerk, but then he feels his legs giving out and he thinks that he needs to be in the water, but then he realizes, that for the first time in his life it won’t save him and he’s so lost and fucking crushed. "you can’t just mess up my whole life and leave me like that” and “this can’t be true, I can’t be this weak.” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fucking hellish angst... that mix of emotions was seriously hideous, at first he was so confused and in denial, he couldn’t even think, he literally went “who is leaving?” and then it just all blew up. Poor baby.

7. Just all the little moments, when Rin notices everything Haru does and falls in love a bit more each time. Like when Haru slowed down, when he saw that Nagisa is having troubles of keeping up with him.

Nagisa was earnestly trying to keep up with Haruka. If he kept up that pace, he wouldn't be able to run next to Haruka for the whole trip. That was how it had been yesterday. Nagisa's breath was coming short, and when Haruka saw him slow down a pace, he lightly turned his eyes downward. I guess that's as far as he goes.

A sigh mixed with Haruka's long breaths. Then, by just a tiny increment, Haruka let his pace slacken.

"Oh?" Rin said quietly. Haruka could almost hear him saying "You're so nice, Nanase," and he tsked inwardly. Nagisa caught up to him, smiling as if it hurt a bit. It looked like he'd lost the energy to keep talking.

Just cute, and they watched each other all the time, it’d be a bitch to count each one, but god, all of them were cute.

8. All the moments of Haru pulling Rin’s pigtails... hilarious, especially the RinRin one, but the funniest and my favorite was when Nagisa turned to Haru to ask him for a permision to call Rin Rin-Rin, like... all the rights to Rin belong to Haru and vice versa lmao I agree. “I’ll allow it” lolz shut it, Haru.

9. This moment: “Something happened inside of him that made Haruka incredibly angry, he was so pissed, that he didn’t even want to swim anymore. To think that someone like Rin could make him feel such powerful swirl of emotions and make him such a mess... he felt disgusted with himself.” Yeah, Haru, love is dat bitch when you’re 13 lol

10. The one where Haru whispers “sorry for making you feel that way” to Rin? The one where Rin’s grandma doesn’t want to go to see the relay, but then she suddenly does, when she finds out that her grandson’s future husband is in it? The “he at that moment realized that the only thing Rin was concerned about was Haruka” one? I don’t fucking know, you pick haha ANY MOMENT, ALL THE MOMENTS XD

______

BUT in all seriousness, I do not get how you can love Makoharu after the novels. Like do people just ignore these moments:

“Haru waved Makoto off like an annoying fly”, “feeling annoyed by his obnoxious care, Haruka went right past him”, “feeling like Makoto’s smile could turn into tears any second now, Haru turned away and went to the showers” (fuck this shit I’m out lmao), “complitely ignoring him, Haru kept walking”.

??????? is this... does anyone find this amazing??????!!!!!!!!!!!

Or when Haru was literally fucking losing it, cause Makoto just repeated everything after him and how he just lost all the respect in that moment.

“I feel like I should also get into running.” Makoto said it as it was a joke, but Haru knew for sure that it wasn’t. More than that, he knew, that Makoto was going to ask him that ever since the moment he found out that Haru was running this morning. Haruka fel annoyed, because he couldn’t find the excuse to refuse him.

Or this moment:

“Makoto was late and Haruka didn’t have any reasons to wait for him. Makoto can catch up with him on the way, they’ll meet at the swimming club either way. For both of them it’ll be better, if Haru went by himself, than stood there and waited Makoto, slowly losing his temper.”

“Haruka felt uncomfortable, cause Makoto looked at him, as if was a weak”

Or this:

"Did you know I was going to come out here?" Even though he knew it was impossible, Makoto couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Nope."

"Then, why…" are you standing in a place like this?

"Watching the sunset."

and I can go on and on and on

and the fishies... oh my fucking god, the fishies

***

I’m just saying, all these moments are not even funny. My point in all this, that like no matter how much Haru loves Makoto as a friend... or got used to him is what I personally think, I don’t think he’s ever gonna idk how to say this... respect him as a human being? admire him? And this whole situation... I just can’t appreciate such kind of relationships even in a friends way.

1stly because Makoto’s behavior in general makes me have war flashbacks to some of my real life experiences (and yeah, I confess, it affected me and that’s why I don’t like his character a lot; because I don’t think many people know what it’s like to deal with these kind of people in general). 2ndly, cause Makoto fans keep trashing Haru and many call him selfish bc of the way he treats him, but what they don’t understand is that if it wasn’t for Haru being this harsh, Makoto would literally became even doormat-y than he is now (yes, it’s possible lmao).

P.S. my favorite in the novels tbh is all the Haru “I’m surrounded by idiots” moments, like when they started to dig the frozen soil with little scrapes and he was looking at them like they’re morons and then just silently walked away and came back with a giant shovel... “if you keep doing this with your tiny scoopers, we’re gonna be here all night” and they then they just watched him as he did everything himself LMFAO I just love him so freaking much. I also think his relationship with Nagisa are incredible and so underrated, since it’s a huge and incredible part of the books. I just keep saying, Haru’d be an amazing dad, so I can’t wait for him and Rin to adopt xD

P.P.S. And what about the Free! novelization????!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #Free!#free! iwatobi swim club #free #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #sharkbait #Haru x Rin #rin x haru #did i not get something? wasn't the high speed a horrible thing for mh?#cause it seemed like that to me

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pebblysand · 3 years

Text

of breakable clay [extended author's notes on chapter viii of castles]

oh my god. it’s out. jesus christ.

okay first off, before i dive into anything, i know i’ve already done this in the actual a/n but i would like to wholeheartedly thank @whiffingbooks over on discord for helping me with figuring out the structure of things fic. although i have to admit i did not, at all, do what i told you i would do, talking it out was massively helpful in figuring this one out, so thanks a million. secondly, i would like send all of my most sincere and affectionate thanks to @whizzfizz on here, who mother-of-god basically designed this entire chapter and listened to me rant, and rant, and rant about it for days on end without complaining. i’ll go into a bit more depth later on, but THANK YOU.

now, a few facts on this chapter before i dive further in:

wordcount: 19168. i legit would apologise for this but i promised i wouldn’t so i’m not going to. that’s growing up people. don’t apologise for yourselves haha.

soundtrack: so i’ve never mentioned this but each chapter kind of has a soundtrack? like a song that i listened to on loop while writing this. here, i would basically point you to the entire spotify of a band called barns courtney (there’s one album and a few eps), i basically listened to all of their songs on loop this past month. i feel like they have such a strong gryffindor energy, in the good, the bad and the ugly. this chapter is definitely sort of an ode to gryffindors so their music was a very big inspo. if i had to point you to one song, it would probably be dopamine.

favourite line: ‘I dig my fingernails into the inside of my palms and it feels like the blood that comes out is already boiling.’

what is this chapter about? now, that’s an easy one. survival.

okay, now, spoilers under the cut.

ugh. holy fucking shit. i’m actually at a stage right now where i strongly believe that no one on earth will want to read this because everyone probably hates me right now for the choices that i made, especially after i made you wait almost three months for this shit. i always feel like whatever i’ve put out was the hardest chapter to write so far but this one was really out there in terms of struggles - i’m really sorry it took so long, but here we are.

there are reasons, though. first, as i said in my may round up, i didn’t really start writing this until about a month ago, because a lot of things were happening in my life that i needed to take care of. i took exams (which i passed!!!!), my mum had a health emergency, ireland added france to their mandatory quarantine list (it has been removed as of yesterday thank. fucking. christ) and i started a new job. it was a lot.

anyway, this being said, when i did get to writing this chapter, as mentioned above in the thank-you section, i kind of first struggled with the structure of it. now, you will see this is a recurring theme this time around but for this, my instincts were telling me one thing, and my brain was saying something else.

basically, what came first here wasn’t the actual content of ginny’s letters (more on that, obviously, in a minute) but the ‘mood’ i wanted for the chapter. i wanted to recreate, both for harry and for the reader, this sort of idea of being completely immersed in a book or a story. like, you know the kind of mood where reality just kind of blends out, where you start reading something and just. cannot. stop. i don’t think he’s much a reader (at least not canonically) and so i wanted this to take him by surprise, for her to take over his life with her words. i explained in the previous a/n [link] i chose to have ginny’s war be told through letters (basically, i thought it would be the best way to narratively tell her story), and i really wanted harry to experience what she’d lived through almost first hand.

now, interestingly, my idea for how to do this originally was to have the letters sort of be interwoven into the events of 1999, throughout the next couple of chapters (meaning this one and chapter nine). i had this idea in my head of him living through ‘real life’ things but not being able to take his mind off her letters, with the letters also sort of echoing the events that were happening in 99, etc. having the two plot lines develop at once and meet in the middle, kind of.

and i tried to write that. for a long time. spoiler alert, it didn’t work. i think the reason is that every time i sat down with it, i felt like i was doing a disservice to both stories. i mean: 97/98 is important, but 99 also is, you know? and by taking the narrative in and out all the time, it was like you couldn’t concentrate on one thing. it was just very messy and didn’t have the intensity i was originally aiming for because it kept being dragged out of whatever was the main action at the time. i wanted harry to get sucked into the narrative, for her letters to take over his life, but in the end, the impression i just got was that the whole thing was confusing af. instead of deeply caring about both, i couldn’t bring myself to care either for ginny’s story, or for his.

also, i just kept hitting a wall: a wall called harry. basically, i knew that the next two chapters (i.e. eight and nine) would stretch from january 99 to june 99. and for the love of god, no matter how many times i turned it around in my head, there was - to me - no way that harry as we know him would just pace himself to read her letters throughout all those months. like, harry fucking potter isn’t the kind of guy who ‘paces’ himself. he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t sleep for a week to get through it all, you know? this is everything that he’s wanted to know since last may, he’s been desperately looking for answers up to this point, there is absolutely not way in hell that he’d wait it out nicely until june. it felt ooc to have him read the letters over a few months. and i just kept hitting that wall over and over. i considered, at one point, building him reading the letters into flashbacks but flashbacks of flashbacks were, again, quite messy, and i don’t think her letters would ever be something he’d volunteer to re-read, so. clearly, it wasn’t working.

then, i think on a random sunday a few weeks ago, i just went back to the drawing board and was like: okay, say we just write all of the letters and go from there, what would happen? by the end of the day, i’d written 12,000 words and that was that, really.

now, the second difficulty, once i’d decided that was…. what you all probably want me to talk about.

i know this is probably not what you want to hear but: i didn’t really plan this? like, i understand that a lot of people have sort of a headcanon about what happened to ginny in that year in hogwarts but i … don’t. like, as planned as this fic is (which it is, i know where i’m going, i promise) that was always a bit of a blank-space-tbd in my head. i think that this story, as hinny as it is, is mostly about harry. and while i knew what i wanted for harry from her telling her story (for him to get sucked in, for him to realise that his war wasn’t the only war in the world ‘cause he’s been bloody self-centered so far, for him to realise that his plan to protect her didn’t exactly work because it didn’t cater for who she is, etc.), i wasn’t really sure what that story was. i mean, i knew it was going to be bad and traumatic, obviously, but i didn’t know what would happen. and still, to me, what i wrote is a version of that year. it’s not really my headcanon (i still don’t really have one), and i definitely accept other versions, if that makes sense.

this being said, i obviously had thought about it a little. i remember writing chapter one with that line: ‘They have sex for the first time, that day – his first time and it feels like hers, too, but he wouldn’t dare ask, not anymore, anyways’ and thinking i wanted to leave the door open. to me, it was a door completely open: it could have indeed been her first time, or she could have seen someone else (consensually) during that year, or she could have been assaulted. i honestly didn’t know but yeah, that was always a possibility in the back of my head.

then, to tell you the truth, when i wrote the first version of this chapter (the 12,000 words i mentioned earlier), it wasn’t there. i sat down and decided that i wasn’t going to go there. firstly, because, while you probably don’t know this, i’ve written about sexual assault before. my previous long fic, children, in another fandom, dealt (in part) with that. and i didn’t want to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault. especially because trust me, there are people who are a lot more legitimate to talk about this than i am. i also didn’t feel like it was necessary to the story, i could do without it and still explain ginny’s early behaviour in the fic, explain her trauma, and have harry realise the things i talked about before. secondly, i’ll be honest: i know this isn’t what people in this fandom want to read. the hinny pairing is mostly about love and fluff (which i love, btw, don’t get me wrong) and i was like, ugh, i don’t want to face the angry comments. i’m writing this a/n the morning before posting so i admittedly don’t know what the reaction will be but i do anticipate a lot of annoyance with me. i knew that a lot of people wouldn’t like it if i went there, and it was just easier not to.

but then, as i started editing, there was a comment (and this, ladies and gentlemen, is a testament to how much your comments fucking matter, okay?). a comment that i remembered reading on the previous chapter and could not get out of my head, no matter how much i tried. well, hello, @whizzfizz. i’ll happily give credit where credit is due. it read:

This made me think of something you mentioned earlier in the fic (possibly Ch1) about Harry not being sure if he was Ginny’s first but that it felt like it. I wonder if this is something that is going to come up in her letters to him.

and, so, it turned. around and around in my head, and i couldn’t get it out. and i kept saying to myself: no, you’re not going there. no, you’re not going there. and then, one night, i caved. i was like, fuck, i need to know if this person really meant what i think they meant by this. and so we talked. a lot. and, i did a lot of thinking. about women. about wars. about violence against women as a an inevitable weapon of war. about ginny being harry’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend (more on that later), and what that would have meant in their world. and @whizzfizz, you said something that in the end really sold me. you said: ‘at this point, i don’t think it would be realistic for it not to have happened.’ and, that was that, really.

because i was right, initially. amycus/ginny (ugh, the idea of a pairing makes me throw up in my mouth a little but yeah, there it is) isn’t necessary to the story. but i believe it to be necessary to what this story is trying to show. the plot held well without it, no questions asked. 12,000 words of the da and their battles, of ginny’s rebellions. it was fine. but i think i wanted more than fine. to me (and i appreciate how fucking pretentious that is, please slap me in the face *eyeroll*), castles is more than its plot. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: this is about what is behind ‘all was well.’ it’s about trying to paint a realistic picture of their lives. and that includes the war. and realistically, as far as i’m concerned, knowing how humans fight their wars, knowing our history and the history of violence against women construed as a weapon in literally every conflict there ever was, there is no way that this didn’t happen. ginny says it herself: for us girls, it’s just the way wars are fought.

so, i did go there. and the whole fandom probably hates me for going there, but i sort of stand by it, i have to say. to be honest, on a sort of subconscious level, i kind of wonder: didn’t i always know i was going to go there? like, this fits perfectly into the plot to the point that i think it was probably in my head for much longer than i care to admit. now, i’m so, fucking excited to write next chapter because i finally get to write happy things, and hinny getting back together on rock solid foundations of openness and sharing, and trust, and i’m so, so glad. there are a couple of scenes in the next chapter that i’ve been working towards for months and i’m so, bloody excited to write them. everyone might hate me and i might just be writing this fic for myself now (lol), but again, i stand by the decisions i took. to me, it fits.

phew. okay, now that huge thing is out of the way and explained, here are a few more jumbled thoughts:

the more i think about it, the more i think that my reason for not wanting to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault is a bit ridic. children and castles, in that way, are so, so different. like, i appreciate the overlap between the silk fandom and the hp fandom is probably ridiculously small but if you’ve read both stories, they’re obviously very different. one thing that both stories centre on, though, is consent. and to me, that’s probably the most interesting element of ginny/amycus, and the most interesting element of writing characters within a restrictive pov, rather than an omniscient one. like, do i think ginny/amycus is rape? yes. 100%. do i think that ginny thinks it’s rape? that is a much more interesting question. she says it a number of times but i think to her, this is all about control. i think that because of what happened to her with tom, she’s someone who is terrified of losing control of her mind and of her own agency. so as not to lose that, she’s willing to do whatever it takes. it is a ‘you can control my body, but not my thoughts,’ sort of narrative. and, she never says it outright because i think psychologically she’s just not there yet, but tom is everywhere in these letters. and as her world just spirals out, she hangs onto the very few things that she can control: her relationship to harry, and her willingness to do what it takes for them to survive. she initiates the ‘relationship’ with amycus in an attempt to control her fate. later, as she explains to harry she feels a lot of guilt over what she did, and like a lot of sexual assault survivors, she thinks it was her responsibility. because i’m in harry’s head most of the time for this fic, i’m not sure i’ll ever really get to discuss that at length, but it’s definitely something that i wanted to show. another interesting question is: does harry think it’s rape? i think at that point in the fic, he doesn’t have the education, nor the vocabulary for that. i think instinctively (because he is someone who is very instinctive), he doesn’t blame her. if he blames anyone, it’s probably himself. he understands the necessity to do what you have to do to survive and thinks that no, no matter what she claims, that was not consented. that’s kind of what comes out in his annoyingly inarticulate letter to her at the end. beyond that, though, i think he’s a bit lost, just like she is.

on a mildly related note, there is something that i've been seeing a lot in the comments and that i feel like i should maybe address? namely: harry's reaction to ginny dating other people. i assume similar comments will be made about his reaction to ginny/alecto (meaning that he still decides to write to her, at the end of the chapter). i've seen a lot of people observe that he's much more 'chill' about it in castles than in canon. fair point but is he, though? like, he isn't happy about it in castles. and he's jealous as well. but he was never entitled in canon. he was jealous, yes, the chest monster and all that, but he never really did anything about it, and never really impeded on her right to see other people. now, this being said, i agree that in sixth year he might have thrown a tantrum, had she done what she did in castles, but that was sixth year. it was before the war. before he lost half a dozen people. before he had to adult bloody fucking quickly. this being said, i do think castles-Harry is more 'subdued,' i suppose, than canon harry. this is a choice i made early on, which to me is related to the fact that he kind of lost his 'voice' during the war. i mean, it took him six months of people talking shit behind his back to do a press interview to defend himself. i think with ginny, it's a lot of the same. he's a boy who blames himself a lot, and generally doesn't particularly think he deserves the people in his life. to me it's an evolution of his character within the the world of castles. i'm happy to agree to disagree on it, but to me it makes sense within the character evolution and the way the fic's gone, so to speak. now, obviously, he'll grow out of that in due course, but we're not quite there yet.

regarding their relationship, now, i have to say: one headcanon that i did have for this was her not outright telling everyone they’d broken up. i’m sorry, that plan was shit. i just don’t buy for a second that she would willingly have gone ahead with it, and i don’t buy for a second that tom wouldn’t have used her had he known they’d been together, ex girlfriend or not. plus, i think she needed something to hand onto, and that was her relationship with him. her letters. the belief that they would be together again. without it, i don’t think she’d have survived. and i think that summer after the war, they were totally on the same page, for different reasons. both of them kind of saw their relationship as the one thing that kept them afloat, the one good thing they had, partly also because they’d idealised it for so long. she says it as some point, it wasn’t a relationship, it was a lifeline (another sentence i came up with as a response to a comment, lol) and while that is toxic and was meant to crumble at some point, it was necessary for them, both during the war, and in the early days after it. i think her last letter to him is painstakingly correct on that one.

regarding canon, i know i’m bending a couple of things here, which i just wanted to quickly acknowledge: 1) i know jkr has said it’s teddy remus lupin. i just can’t believe, for a moment, that someone who hated himself as much as lupin did, canonically, would name his son after himself. naming his son after his best mate who died to young to become problematic though? i totally see it. so yeah, creative licence, it’s teddy james lupin in this house, lol. 2) when they meet neville in dh, he kind of hints that they’ve only just started to use the room of requirement a couple weeks ago. the text however, only says they’ve only been staying in it full time a couple of weeks ago. i needed them to have somewhere where to meet with the da and stuff, so i bent that a bit. it’s not strictly canon, but it’s also not not canon, if that makes sense.

on seamus blowing things up and talking about eight hundred years of oppression? full disclaimer, while i am french, i have been living in ireland for long enough to become eligible for citizenship in less than six months (yay!). i know some people have said that seamus is a bit of a cliche in the books/films and all (the only irish character keen on blowing things up, haha *eyeroll*), but i actually kind of love it? like, the whole thing about the cranberries and zombie at the start of the fic has been in my head for much longer than i care to admit. i love the idea that there’s this whole muggle war going on at the exact same time that no one ever talks about and actually, i find the idea of wizarding ireland v. muggle ireland and the whole political structure fascinating. like, is wizarding ireland an independent state? what’s the story there? i have a whole seamus fic in my head, partially on this topic, that i might or might not write one day.

lastly, i know this may sound a bit weird but i need to say it: once i’d figured out what and how i was writing it, i bloody loved writing this chapter. first stylistically, i really wanted to mimic the style of how i’d written the magazine article in chapter 5 (i.e. not writing out the whole thing but writing out in text the excerpts that harry focused on) and i love how that turned out. i think it was a good way to balance her words and his, kind of merging them into one, big narrative. second, as a writer, it was so fucking interesting to write someone who knows how to write, which believe it or not i’d never done before. additionally, i loved the challenge of editing this because it was like: i’ve got to edit this, but not too much? i was very careful about modifying and polishing too much of ginny’s speech in the letters because i obviously wanted it to sound like someone who was just writing as the words came to her, without polishing the words, the punctuation, etc. like i usually would. i wanted her to have quirks (she says ‘you know?’ a lot) and i played with her capitalisation and punctuation a bit too. i know these aren’t necessarily noticeable details but it was definitely something that i thought about and that was very fun and interesting to write, as a format.

wow, okay. this was LONG but i think i have everything i wanted to say. if you’ve read all of this (whyyyyy?), thanks so much for sticking around. if you’ve got any questions, anything i didn’t address, do let me know, anon or not, my ask box is open. now, i would love to say i’m going to chill or something, but the truth is that i have to a) actually do a last read through of the fic, lol and b) put it out. this is what i get for writing the a/n before finishing the damn thing, i guess. i’ll rest tomorrow, lol.

lastly, in terms of next chapter, realistically, i’d say eight to ten weeks. i have a full time job now and also, writing this was fucking exhausting and i need to take time out for a bit before coming back to it with a fresh mind. i will be writing other stuff though, i promise. i have a couple of prompts to get to (thanks!!!) and a couple of other ideas so i will probably be posting in the meantime, just not castles.

lots of love,

#castles #extended an #writing #fic #its out #holy shit #byyyyyye #I have not proofread this so we die like men eh

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manicdragondreamgirl · 4 years

Text

I haven’t had chemistry since like 2008, and I’m also an idiot who likes to make my friends upset, so I rated the periodic table in order to tilt my friends:

Hydrogen - this is like your childhood friend who has always been with you more or less and always will be down to get a drink and chill even tho you haven’t spoken in years. Solid bro imo 7.5/10

Helium - always down for a good time, even if probably created Alvin and the Chipmunks which in some places is considered a war crime. 4/10

Lithium - Gives me bitchy vibes and is flammable as fuck if I remember. Skinny bitch with an attitude 3/10

Beryllium - idk this sounds like a sailor moon villain lol for that it can have a 6/10

Boron - more like BORONG amirite ha ha wait no seriously I have no idea lol 5/10 clean neutral rating

Carbon - *screaming* 2/10 I will not be taking questions

Nitrogen - cool cool cool tight tight tight 9/10 Nitrogen just is the cool hot chick you wish you were

Oxygen - kid who takes up all the glory for the group project even tho you did all the work, 4/10 for natural charisma

Fluorine - lol what are you knockoff chlorine lmfao bitch 3/10 reminds me of the dentist

Neon - I can vibe with this boy for his contributions to signs which cause my eyes to scream 8/10 modernized Art Deco thanks you

Sodium - 10/10 this is me and I won’t be taking questions next element

Magnesium - magnesium is a close relative of magnificent and therefore I think the case is closed folks 9/10

Aluminum - 10/10 for providing a home to my Diet Coke addiction I’d be dead without you

Silicon - 6.9/10 :smirk:

Phosphorous - This has a very soundly name and it’s welcome to do that but idk, not a fan, seems like he’d be smelly, 2/10

Sulfur - 1/10 pretty sure that dog farts are purely comprised of this and as such if I was leaving negative ratings I would

Chlorine - 7.8/10 for being in pools so we could swim without brain eating amoeba in the south you a champ

Argon - he seems like a nerd jk this guy has a good color 9/10 for just being himself

Potassium - I hate bananas and this word gives me the physical sensation of biting into one but only by thinking of abstract letters and making them into something which we can nutrientise from bananas and to me that shit is bananas, b a n a n a s — 3/10 for making me sing hollaback girl thru adhd word association

Calcium - hm my brain went to mega milk so you get a 2/10 today bud I don’t make the rules

Scandium - pretty sure this is fake lol what’s next faxdium, e-Mailite and copinium? 5/10

Titanium - this song’s a banger and also is the only thing that lets me wear earrings 10/10

Vanadium - if your erection lasts for longer than like idk it’s supposed to then don’t take vanadium wait what do you mean it’s not an ED treatment 4/10

Chromium - decent bloke shame the browser eats all your memory 5/10

Manganese - if a weeb tries to tell me how to pronounce mayonnaise one more time... 1/10

Iron - excellent tool against the fey, in your blood, what a bro, 10/10 this bitch slaps

Cobalt - has a powerful energy; I respect him. 8/10

Nickel - if I had a nickel for every time someone made this joke lol 5/10 he’s doing his best

Copper - taste bad 3/10

Zinc - isn’t that the dude in the green tunic and white tights who saves premcess Lelda or something lol 7/10 those games are good

Gallium - seems like a prick 4/10

Germanium - sounds like a child pronouncing geraniums which are superior 3/10

Arsenic - bad vibes coach 1/10

Selenium - isn’t this just sailor moon lol 10/10 love this bitch

Bromine - farmine wherever you aremine - 9/10 I love a good bro

Krypton - he’s okay I guess 5/10

Rubidium - yet another Steven universe villain who will be redeemed I imagine 4/10 seems a bit dull

Strontium - I feel nothing when I see this lad’s name and that seems like a shame 1/10 I don’t like it

Yttrium - this is an atrium in Yharnam, or something 8/10 would love to sit in one and make contact with higher beings

Zirconium - oh wait THIS is the sailor moon villain from the dead moon circus! 9/10 I enjoyed that arc

Niobium - seems sassy, I like that in an element 7/10

Molybdenum - I hate this one, rancid. 1/10 for making me have flashbacks to difficult Ancient Greek vocabulary there is no fucking way that sound combination is anything but Beta and Delta borking and then Latin being like oh imma steal that

Technetium - 6/10 decent name but seems a bit forced

Ruthenium - 5/10 kindly old lady element I guess lol

Rhodium - 10/10 this ain’t my first rhodium babee this lad has good vibes what a name what a king

Palladium - 10/10 for making me think of paladins

Silver - 12/10 I’m breaking the rules for this silver is the best it is so cool and also it is the other best tool for dealing with supernatural creatures when iron has failed you highly suggest Even if I am extremely allergic to it going into my ears...wait hold on

Cadmium - 2/10 sounds like a total douche

Indium - 8/10, i just think it’s independent and neat

Tin - 10/10 good ear sounds when involving rain and roof shapes and automatically reminds me of Nora Jones’s come away with me album which is also 10/10

Antimony - 7/10 decent protagonist good name all around seems rad

Tellurium - tell ur mom what? That’s so early 2010s league of legends humor bro 2.5/10

Iodine - strikes fear in my soul from having it poured on my wounds but this is why I have more pain tolerance than god 5.3/10

Xenon - I think this is a declension of Xena warrior princess which is a win in my eyes, 8/10

Caesium - kind of has a cunty Latin name, 4.5/10

Barium - yeah boss, bury’im! 7.5/10 I love a good mobster gag

Lanthanum - A bit pretentious on the Tolkien spectrum sorry bud 3/10 sounds like you’d be the dickwad elf everyone hates

Cerium - 6.5/10 I like this one, gives me a clean vibe

Praseodymium - the fuck who sneezed all their alphabet soup onto the paperwork and called it an element Christ we can’t keep doing this 1.5/10

Neodymium - oh my god what did I just say 1/10

Promethium - thank Christ we’re back to greek 9/10 Prometheus was a Chad I could get behind

Samarium - 5/10 gives me boring wizard vibes

Europium - 4.5/10 don’t rename opium chrissake can’t take these nerds anywhere

Gadolinium - 5/10 it’s a starship knockoff but it’s trying to be bold with the G sound

Terbium - 2/10 I don’t vibe with this one

Dysprosium - sounds like an antidepressant that has a lot of shitty side effects 3/10

Holmium - sounds like someone anxious asking their beloved to hold them 8/10 I like hurt/comfort fics

Erbium - you can’t just describe something as herby you daft bastard 2/10

Thulium - sounds like a spell I like it 8.5/10

Ytterbium - macguffin in a shite sci-fi show that gets highly overrated because BBC produced it and superwholock stans emerge and go utterly feral 1/10

Lutetium - bards are an element I agree 10/10

Hafnium - sounds like a river (my dog) sound and has a cute vibe, I’d offer it head pats 7/10

Tantalum - noooo you can’t be sad yuor so sexe haha 6.9/10 tantalizing

Tungsten - 10/10 this is a lad with history

Rhenium - 5.5/10 it’s ok

Osmium - 4/10 I wasn’t a big wizard of oz fan

Iridium - 9/10 sounds like iridescent and that’s in my top 10 favorite words and concepts

Platinum - 10/10 best Pokémon game

Gold - 7.9/10 all that glitters and all but it’s still pretty on some people, silver is better tho

Mercury - yikes 8/10 so it doesn’t kill me

Thallium - sounds like the brother character in a ps4 exclusive western rpg that oddly falls under the radar in terms of reviews and gets shafted at awards for no reason 7/10 I’ll support you tho

Lead - 2/10 that’s gonna be a no from me dawg pretty sure I still have lead in my hands from stabbing myself with my mechanical pencils

Bismuth - 6/10 sounds good in mouth and reminds me of biscuits for some reason, I’ll take it

Polonium - to thine own self be true so stop trying to act like the arts don’t influence science jk pretty sure this is named for Poland but hey that’s where we get the Witcher so you get a pass 6/10

Astatine - 1/10 I don’t even know what you are

Radon - 7/10 this motherfucker knows his shit and how to party, rad is right

Francium - I bring you francium...and I bring you myrdurdium... 7/10 for a good vine

Radium - killed the video star probably 9/10 I can get behind her

Actinium - as opposed to passtinium I prefer actinium in the voice of writing 8/10

Thorium - overrated Norse god 5/10 because lightning is still cool

Protactinum - sounds like some pretentious condom brand 4/10 wouldn’t do it with a dude who bought these

Uranium - I always thought she was a hot sailor scout 10/10

Neptunium - same for her I knew they weren’t cousins you couldn’t lie to me 4kids 10/10

Plutonium - sounds like a macguffin unfortunately 5/10

Americium - I read this with a pivotal letter missing and nearly died, 7/10 for the laugh

Curium - 10/10 gives me Curie vibes and also reminds me of curiosity which reminds me of—[old yellered before the association could set in]

Berkelium - what I shout when I want Burke (fam dog) to slaughter innocents and raze territories 2/10 world was not meant to know his commands

Californium - 1/10 California is cool with geography but probs could stand to chill with the ego sorry to my friends in Cali

Einsteinium - 6/10 it’s alright but we’re really running out of ideas huh

Fermium - 3/10 this one is porny

Mendelevium - 1/10 my brain didn’t like parsing this and I stand by my earlier statement of running out of good names

Nobelium - 0/10 you didn’t name any noble gases this cowards this gas can’t be a noble oh wait it’s NOBEL I take it back 5/10 seems an alright chap

Lawrencium - fear the old blood my sorry dead hunter’s ass I’ll never get back my life from the hours I spent trying to beat this lava shitting bastard 2/10 for being a boss who eats Taco Bell specifically before being challenged to have fresh lava shit with which to punish you for having the audacity to exist in his space

Rutherfordium - my god what a snob 4.2/10 I respect him a little but only because he sounds like a right lad

Dubnium - DROP THE BASS 10/10

Seoborgium - not sure about this one but it can have a 7/10

Bohrium - as an American English speaker this sound combination makes my pathetic throat become a black hole as I try to properly create the sound of it 10/10 I love when my body becomes a massive void in the universe

Hassium - lazy 2/10

Elements 109-118 can go fuck themselves I hate them all, collective 6.66/10 for their general demonic vibe

#the periodic table #made by an idiot #it’s me your manic dragon dream girl #long post

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splendidshinobi · 4 years

Text

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 21-25

almost halfway done lads how we feelin'

episode 21: the red glow

ah yes barry

"i'm alphonse elric!!!!!" yes u r baby!!!

who just popped over the wall

scar im assuming

"i kill therefore i am".....barry spouting descartes rn

it was scar haha

hi greed

thought i saw you earlier

WHY DID THEY DRAW HIS ARMS THAT LONG

ope he found the chimera crew...

jerry jewell's evil laugh gets me every time lmao he's so great

ed has deep philosophical talks bro

also ed is chaotic but his personal morals are unshakeable

who are these prison guards gonna release

oh hey kimblee

oh hey squad

ed take out ur pokeball

um wth is that

OH MY GOD TUCKER WHAT

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT YODA OR A SWAMP MONSTER

he looks FUCKKEDDDD

bro of all the things i was not expecting him

oof ishval flashbacks

young scar why is your hair brown

why is it white now

WHY IS HE NAKED

whos her

lust 1.0 im assuming

ew omg tucker is literally so fuckin nasty lookin idk

idk why but he's worse than rod reiss titan for me

wait a damn minute

wait a damn fucking minute

goddamnit

what is GOIN ON

i need tucker to stop whispering he sounds like fucking voldemort on the back of quirrells head

jesus

episode 22: created human

hughes' pajamas look like armin's futon from aot junior high

the bad place???? was that greed's prison gluttony was lookin at?

im still shook af over tucker and tbh its been like 24 hours since i watched episode 21

STOP WHISPERING TUCKER

driving me up a wall

my poor son looks so tired :(

those moral principles at it again

bradley.......

ewww the way tucker walks STOP

hi envy!!!!!

so all of those prisoner guys gonna get flattened by some alchemy

hey kimblee!!!

so did greed escape with the homies???? cause i feel like he would have made his presence known already....

i feel like im missing a lot because im a ding dong

musty prison kimblee is kinda...hot....physically speaking..oops..personality wise obviously there's MUCH to work on

so envy knows hohenheim

ED BABY

he won't do it

oh no alphonse

oh god memory implants

al's identity crisis CONTINUES

they wanna become humans??? huh....doesnt really make sense for their characters...(maybe envy but more on that at 11)

is ed gonna kill these guys for al

some1!!!!!! hold!!!!! me!!!! im so stressed

is he pretending to do it and he's got another plan up his sleeve!!!!????

honestly he's so depressed i cant even tell

those unshakable moral principles at work again i see

the red water can turn ed into a god???? wtf ed doesnt want to be a god he wants to punch god

oh theres the greed squad! i found them!!! is kimblee joining up with them

maria girly!!!!!!!

THE HOMUNCULI IN THEIR STUPID UNIFORMS I--

who's the lady. i need 2 know.

episode 23: fullmetal heart

alphonse is destroyed again

poor kid

"edward sir" brosh pls!!!

oh excuse me--- ***Bloch

The Ross Slap™

winry <3

pinako takes no prisoners

ed didnt you JUST tell brosh and ross they might be right that you needed to trust adults with more shit and now youre blowing off hughes

ed's DRAWINGS im-

hi sig hi izumi!!!

al is so sad over there in that corner

poor baby son

sometimes i feel like hughes and mustang are ed and al's divorced dads

the little arakawa avatar cows in the back im CRYING!!!!!!!

“bean”

snappy al

ooffffffff

omg hughes plz

elicia is precious though we love her

"dad's friend the bookworm" omg sheska

awwww gracia made edward a cake!!!!!!!

god catch me cryin in the club

CONGRATULATIONS

"whatever" al im crying he's so sad

AL MADE BROSH OR WHOEVER CARRY HIS DESTROYED ARMOR TO THE ROOF IM ACTUALLY YELLING

"you goof"

yes winry you are correct boy is a goof

sir you are being so dramatic

give that baby a hug

"so called brother"

so we all know that was a knife through the heart for ed

al just jumped off a FUCKING ROOF and ED TRIED TO FOLLOW

so im crying

i liked this better when they HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT AL'S FEARS AND MADE THE FUCK UP

episode 24: bonding memories

guess we're gonna play w my emotions again

sometimes like....one bit characters talk...like villager b ya know? and im like who are you i know that voice

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again

and barry for some reason

aww poor al

youre real you are!!!!!!

i just feel like people would know people that wear sunglasses in the rain would be ishvalan

but what do i know

obviously they dont have the white hair thing in this version

poor ed is so sad

these boys need a hug

let me just *pulls out adoption papers*

well if scar doesnt have queen mei to adopt in 03, he’s got this little toothless boy

dont lie al you do care

ew i dont like her

the drama of this boy

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again part 2

apparently they are *mercenaries??? excuse me

i have some questions regarding this kid’s mom

well you know i can see why this kid feels this way about his mom

it does look like she ran off...

al and scar dream team up

HEY ED!!! HEY WINRY!!!

bout time

yall gonna have this talk now????

barry STOPPPPPP

brotherhood barry is the true king there i said it

damn scar you baddie

barry like....you already knew him

anyway

WHAT THE HELL

NO RICKKK!!!!!!

someone save this boy!!!!

oh good his mom “saved” him

ah damn thats pretty tragic

she didnt know they were right in front of her

well my questions were answered

so she attacks with grape fanta. thats one way to do it

ed looks like such an angry gremlin right now this is a heartwarming moment sir please

why are ed and scar being so civil right now this is so weird

bye scar

we’ll see him again

see you later scar

episode 25: words of farewell

maes who let you buy that awful pink suit

gracia please it better not have been you

mustang ew please

dont open the door lookin like that

what the hell are you doing in here

so hughes WASNT in ishval here?

i think that takes a lot away from his character but anyway

bradley hangs around like a creep at every possible instant

why would bradley care about ishvalan refugees like hughes cmon

“unspeakable crimes” BRADLEY YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TALK

juliet douglas is this lady’s name

only took me 1000 episodes to figure that out

ED AND AL??? NOT DEALING WITH DANGEROUS THINGS??????? dont make me laugh assholes theyre lying thru their teeth

izumi time lets go

wow we’re still going to rush valley? wasnt really expecting that tbh

elicia i LOVE you!!!!!

ew kimblee “hi”

how did he lightning himself like that

if i were ishvalan i would not go to the south....yet ANOTHER war torn region of amestris but ok

okay

an amestrian desert biker gang rolled up to wreak havoc

HUGHES AHAHAHA

tbh i wouldnt want to tell roy anything either stupid bitch

anyway

um why do i feel like its hughes’ death episode

he would not be shown tucking elicia in to bed otherwise

please im not ready to be hurt again

oh no

yeah he just learned something about our girl juliet

ive been waiting for this information

he’s gonna die before we learn anything helpful

yupppppp

hey lust figured you’d show up sooner or later

i too wish i could look that sexy pulling a kunai out of my forehead

SLOTH????????

did girly just say SLOTH

i- nothing about her seems particularly slothy but ok

u know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENVY HEYYY

DUMBASS ROY JUST HAAAAAD TO LEAVE

haha famous last words

oof it hurts every time

not the FUNERAL scene no!

time for me to go

peace out homies im dead inside

yes my brigadier general

NOT THE RAIN

COME ONNNNNN

hughes is sneezing six feet under

was ed supposed to be looking at hughes’ ghost

um....right

#carol watches fma03 #carol's remaining brain cells #fullmetal alchemist #fma 03 #zoo wee freaking mama #thoughts i have THOUGHTS

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atopearth · 5 years

Text

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 4 - Unlimited Blade Works Route (2/2)

Day 11-16 Omggg I love their date! Saber is there as well but I think it’s so adorable how Saber is on Rin’s side most of the time, and it’s so cute how Saber loves to eat different things haha. I think the funniest was when Saber hated losing to them in the batting cage so they had to play a lot of games hahaha. But I guess, through the dialogue, I can kinda understand more of why Shirou was always insistent on Saber not fighting in the Fate route. Saber is actually smaller than Rin and she’s apparently weaker than them physically as well if she’s not using her magic power! She must be pretty small then! And omggg lmaooo when Shirou figured out the mystery of the stolen loaf of bread🤣🤣 Shirou thought Rin took it as a late night snack and ate up the whole loaf when she actually used it to make them lunch hahahaha. Honestly, it was really sweet of Rin to plan such a day so that Shirou could relax and have fun, especially since he’s never really found anything fun for a long time and he doesn’t even think he deserves to have fun at all. Honestly though, I still find Caster’s Noble Phantasm Rule Breaker such a…I don’t know how to say it, I mean, I understand that the Command Spells was magic done by one of the three families and since Caster is like from the time of the Gods or whatever, I guess it’s possible for her to cancel it and stuff, but I feel like when powers like this exist, it kinda makes the rules of the war and everything feel so…cheap? Like, I guess I liked the war because each Servant presents different powerful Noble Phantasms and abilities but they’re all respectively things that pertain to their strengths and utilised within the boundaries of the war, but Caster’s ability just negates a lot of that and makes things feel like such a free for all with no rules and that just feels boring tbh. Otherwise, Saber being able to stop herself from listening to Caster’s orders and attack Shirou for a bit so he can escape was saddening, especially with those tears in her eyes. But yeah, the way everything went was really understandable, Shirou would never give up on Taiga’s life (since Caster took her hostage) even if he has to sacrifice his own, so really, it wasn’t a situation they could really win from at all..sad that their cute date turned into this disaster though.

Rin always tries to sound mean to Shirou, but really all you can hear from her is concern for him all the time. She hates seeing him get hurt and always wants him out of the war because he’s too kind. I can see why Shirou is adamant about going to save Saber since her being controlled is his responsibility, but at the same time, Rin is right, there is nothing he can offer to the battle right now, especially with his injuries. Lmaooo at Tiger Dojo 22 where Caster calls Taiga for advice on how to be a better character, hahahah even she knows she’s plain lmaoo. Honestly though, I love how Shirou is always able to tell that Rin is truly kindhearted and that underneath her role as a magus is a normal girl that’s very sensitive and sweet. I love how he got her to release her emotions and cry after she felt betrayed by Archer (who left her for Caster). I love the CG with them talking to each other back to back! And I love how Shirou is always there for Rin to help her get herself together. He’s right though, Rin is someone who resolutely stands on her own path, even if she regrets something, she will retaliate and destroy it to make her path what it should be to her. She gets sad but she never gives up, and I can see why Shirou would admire her so much tbh. It’s so cute how Shirou so honestly told Rin he likes her a lot, blushing Rin is so adorable!

I feel like Caster’s past is supposed to make me feel “something” for her but honestly, she still feels as bland as she is. Maybe it’s because ever since she was born, she’s been (literally) controlled by others, forced to abandon her country and kill her brother etc, used as a scapegoat to be the epitome of crime and thus viewed as a witch, but everything about that story is kinda just told to you as a reader, so really, it’s hard to feel anything for her. Like, I feel sorry for her that she had to experience all that, and I get how grateful she is towards Kuzuki for saving her when she nearly disappeared (after killing her crappy Master), but as she says, she really has no motivation or goal aside from helping Kuzuki and he himself doesn’t really want anything either, so they’re kinda like a duo that has no real purpose than to exist and fight if confronted and I guess fight to find a place for themselves.

Tbh, Shirou always admires Rin for being able to go full on ahead without regrets, but I think someone like him who is able to be so decisive on walking on the path he decides and is ready to accept it even if it’s “wrong” is something very admirable as well. I LOLed when Shirou and Rin went to Illya’s castle (to ask to co-operate against Caster) and Illya’s “alarm” magic that alerts her to them entering the forest zapped Rin so badly compared to Shirou, it was hilarious hahahaha. Honestly, seeing Berserker so desperately protect Illya from Gilgamesh and Illya being so scared really shook me. But I think seeing their past was worse, they were both used and controlled by the Einzberns to get the holy grail, and Illya was forced to go out in a freezing forest with just Berserker so that they could train her into controlling him properly. And I guess it was then that they both realised in their hearts that the only ones they could trust in were each other. I always wondered why Illya didn’t seem to do anything aside from rely on Berserker to fight, but after the flashback, it seems that all those Command Spells on her body that were put by the Einzbern family are there to control Berserker and that puts a great toll on her body and probably even shortens her lifespan. It used to practically destroy her and make her scream in pain, but now it’s a bit better, and I guess that’s why Illya just allows Berserker to do everything for her, it’s mainly because it’s cumbersome enough for her to just control him. But yeah, Gilgamesh slashing her eyes and stuff made me feel so uncomfortable and sad. In the end, Illya’s just a kid… But yeah, I totally understand why Shirou couldn’t help but appear to try and help Illya knowing it was futile. But! I still blame him because him revealing himself also endangers Rin and he should have thought more about her. Buuuut, I’ll admit that it wouldn’t be like Shirou if he was able to restrain himself, and I think I would have been disappointed in him haha. He’s lucky Rin was there to help save him tbh, and I guess we should be glad that Shinji is Gilgamesh’s Master lolll, I mean, if it was anyone more useful, they would have been totally screwed~

Hahahaha, it was so cute how Shirou and Rin kept arguing about who should be running away when Lancer appeared. It was hilarious how Lancer waited for them to finish arguing hahaha. HAHAAHA it was such a tense atmosphere when Shirou agreed to co-operate with Lancer, but then when he said under one condition, and whilst everyone was wondering if he wanted to know Lancer’s Master or something, all Shirou wanted was for Lancer to stay away from Rin hahahaha, he’s so cute🤣🤣🤣 I’m amazed that Archer could create a shield (Aias) that blocked Lancer’s Noble Phantasm, it wasn’t easy for him to block it, but nevertheless, he did end up blocking it. I guess that’s the benefit of being able to project weapons or shields etc that are strong against each Servant’s respective Noble Phantasms. Rin is so cool though! She got Caster to let her guard down and then used martial arts to defeat her! Well nearly, because Kuzuki comes to save Caster since he’s stronger than Shirou, I mean, it’s pretty amazing that Shirou could fend him off for so long. Guess they should be glad that Archer wasn’t a traitor and dealt the last hit attempting to kill Kuzuki, but Caster sacrificed herself to protect him. It’s kinda funny though, Caster’s life as Medea was ruined because of a “man” (she was controlled by a God but the God made her love that man so I guess same thing?) and even as a Servant, even though this time was her first time truly falling in love, nevertheless, she still ended up giving her life up for love, and it’s always for a man that will never love her back. It’s nice to see that even though Kuzuki was pretty disinterested in everything, he was ready to fight until the end even after Caster died, tbh although Shirou wanted to stop it and save Kuzuki, I think Kuzuki would have preferred being killed by Archer as an end rather than surviving. Rin really does save Shirou all the time though haha, it was thanks to her smart thinking of taking Saber as her Servant that they could fend off Archer from killing Shirou.

Honestly though, Lancer is such a great guy. He really knows how to appreciate Rin hahaha, I couldn’t believe her “thanks” to him stopped him from wanting to really kill Archer when they had their duel, and even now when she’s kidnapped by Archer (to ensure Shirou will come to save her and thus fight him), he’s so ready to go help them out. I guess Shirou was right to tell Lancer to stay away from Rin hahahaha. Honestly, it’s so heartbreaking to hear Archer talk about how he had to keep killing in order to save many, and that’s why he feels that he must kill Shirou, because if he doesn’t kill him, he’s going to become him, the hero Emiya. I think it’s so heartbreaking to hear that because you can feel how much Archer wants to kill himself, and in order to do that, he must kill Shirou. He thinks that his existence gave happiness to no one and only caused death and destruction since he killed people to save people…and it’s probably disheartening for Saber to hear this too, since she and Shirou are similar. I guess that’s why she wanted to stay here instead of going to save Rin (from Shinji) with Lancer.

Omg, I didn’t realise that Archer was executed because he was accused by the person he saved, even though he was the one who gave his all to stop the conflict, he was accused of starting the conflict and died for that “crime”. I think something that really hit me was when Archer described his role as a Guardian, he calls it being a “cleaner” because “they do not save people. All they do is eliminate harmful people, without distinction of good or evil. They do not save people in despair. Instead, they eliminate people in despair in order to save others who are enjoying life.” It’s so true. It’s something that’s ever present in life, we are always eliminating the people who are unable to live happily, we are always killing them because of the destruction they cause, and it’s understandable, but at the same time, it’s exactly against what Shirou desires. He knows that he can’t save everyone, but he wants to, and at the least, he wouldn’t want to kill others he wants to save in order to save others. I feel like the more Archer killed, the more he felt like he was killing the people he was supposed to save and that really destroyed him. And because he became a Guardian, he didn’t even have the choice to not do these things. The world itself had already decided that these people were harmful to it, so Emiya had to kill them, all the times he was summoned, he had no free will to decide for himself what should be done and what shouldn’t be done to save the world, the world already decided it and willed him to just kill them to “save” the world. The world deemed them irredeemable and unable to be saved, and Emiya had to accept that, but it must have been such torture to have to experience that over and over again. Even if killing Shirou doesn’t cause Archer to disappear, I’m sure the satisfaction of killing the past him that he thinks is silly and caused all this would at least relieve Archer somewhat.

Kotomine definitely let his guard down against Lancer. Although he used his Command Spell to order Lancer to kill himself, he hadn’t even disappeared yet and he already let his guard down! In other news, Shinji is a shit as usual~ and seriously, after seeing Kotomine get stabbed by Lancer, I don’t know why the dumbass Shinji doesn’t think about how Lancer could still be a threat, and what makes him think Gilgamesh will help him with such a lowlife job lol. It was really cool when Lancer used bits of his last strength to protect Rin until the end though, he’s such a hero. I also liked how resolute he was in death and was ready to burn the whole room to ashes to make sure Kotomine wouldn’t survive. I guess Kiritsugu’s last words of relief over Shirou saying he’ll be a superhero in his place was like a curse to Shirou. He said it because he admired Kiritsugu and wanted to be just like him, but he probably didn’t realise how much it really meant to him until he said it, and because of that, Shirou had no choice but to become a protector of justice, he couldn’t disappoint the guy who was so happy to have found him alive in that fire, he couldn’t disregard a dying man’s wish, and really, he just wanted to be just as strong as his father. In this sense though, there’s a similarity between Shirou and Rin. The both of them have been “passed on” an ideal or dream that they must fulfill. For Shirou, he needs to save people as a superhero. For Rin, she needs to win the Holy Grail War as the successor of the Tohsaka family and for her father who died because of it. But really, you wouldn’t say that Rin’s will is hypocrisy, because she has practically made that dream her own, and I think that can be said for Shirou as well. Even if it all started from someone else, it doesn’t mean it’s a “borrowed” ideal, because it had already transformed into their own ideal with the strength of their convictions and beliefs. And honestly, even if it is a borrowed ideal, it’s fine, because that is the path they chose, whether it was for someone else or not, this is what they chose and what they will commit to do. In that sense, who can really judge them? I honestly felt really touched when Shirou relentlessly attacked saying his dream is not a mistake, because he believes in it and will continue to believe in it no matter what. Really, I can’t help but feel so affected by Shirou’s will and determination all the time, he’s so mentally strong, it’s crazy. It was kinda relieving but at the same time hurtful when Archer admitted his lost and was stabbed by Shirou. In the end, this was never really a physical fight, because Archer could have killed him if he really wanted to imo, in the end, it felt like everything was set up by Archer to see the strength of his ideals again within Shirou. Archer had experienced tragedy after tragedy that deteriorated his heart for too long, so I feel like in a sense even though he hated his younger self, he also wanted to rekindle and remember the emotions he once had towards his ideal of becoming a superhero. I feel like he wanted to see whether he would be able kill himself first or remember why he was so adamant on being a superhero and how strong his mental fortitude towards it was first, so it was great that young him aka Shirou succeeded in showing him once again why his choice wasn’t wrong and wasn’t a mistake.

Anyway, Gilgamesh always ruins the mood, doesn’t he?! So the reason why Servants have to fight until the last one is because their heroic spirit souls are used as pure magical energy afterwards to kinda “create” the holy grail contents and give the remaining magus/Master power to use it for what they want? Lmao at Gilgamesh leaving the castle and wanting to change locations because the castle was burning down and he didn’t want ashes to go on him. You know, now that I think about it, if all the people Archer witnessed destroying the world was like Shinji, yeah I think I would feel the same hatred towards humanity and their ridiculous conflicts too. Ooh I guess although I’ve seen it, it never really clicked to me that Gilgamesh stopped Illya from becoming the holy grail by taking out her heart and putting it inside Shinji so he would become it? HAHAHA omg, Rin and Shirou need to have sex so he can share her magical circuits and use her magical power to create the Reality Marble (where Archer can project and use all those swords etc) and fight against Gilgamesh?! No wonder why Rin became so shy mid way through the strategy meeting hahahaha. Well, that was a pretty long and detailed H-scene! Rin looked really cute though loll.

Hmmm how interesting, so Servants who are magi can summon other Servants, but they must have a host to keep the Servant in this world, and for Assassin, that is the mountain, therefore, even though Caster is dead, as long as the mountain exists, Assassin will be there to protect it. However, he still needs magical energy, and so even though he’s still “alive”, he will disappear soon, since Caster only gave him a limited amount of magical energy. Although I guess the main reason he still stands is because he really wanted his life to end in battle with Saber. Assassin’s true identity is rather saddening. He’s just a no name guy that was most fit to be seen as the guy “Sasaki Kojirou” because he can perform techniques Kojirou could, and so he is assumed to be him according to what this Kojirou character should be. In the end, he’s “nothing”, and I guess such an existence, being able to fight with Saber before he disappears would be a nice thing to do instead of meaninglessly disappearing. I mean, it’s understandable that Saber is in a rush to distract Gilgamesh so that Rin and Shirou can destroy the grail, and then they can all destroy Gilgamesh together, but honestly, that’s not Assassin’s problem and he has no reason to stand aside when Saber did once promise him that she’ll fight him properly again. I guess that means it’s time for Shirou to shine haha. I think Shirou’s “impossible” dream really reminds of Kaoru’s dream in Rurouni Kenshin. Honestly, their dreams are probably naive, probably impossible and probably ridiculous to others, but just like Kenshin, I think you can’t help but want to believe in it hoping that it can be possible, and continuing to fight to make it possible. And I really feel Shirou’s resolve in that. It took a while but I’m glad he finally realised that what he could do wasn’t infinitely create swords to fight against Gilgamesh, but instead create the Reality Marble that contains an infinite amount of swords aka unlimited blade works. But really, I’m happy that regardless whether it be the Fate route or this one, Shirou is the one who helps Saber realise that she needs to move forward, well, Archer and his burdens is the one who made her realise it in this route, but they’re both Shirou after all! I’m just glad that she’s not living in regret anymore and can go back peacefully after destroying the Holy Grail.

Although I’ve been rather sceptical with how a lot of fights went in this route, I think Gilgamesh against Shirou is probably the most satisfying and understandable to me (alongside Shirou against Archer), mainly because it’s true that Gilgamesh had always won his battles through the amount of Noble Phantasms in his treasury and how relentlessly he uses them as “arrows” rather than as swords. He lacks the skills and techniques to use them because he is merely an arrogant owner of them. And that’s why I think it’s understandable how Shirou can face off against him. Not only is Shirou physically capable, his Reality Marble gives him swords right by him, he can pick them up much easier than when he had to project them over and over, so in the end, it becomes more of a battle mounting on their determination and strength, which Gilgamesh lacks because he lives thinking that he doesn’t need to work hard for anything since everything is already his. And seeing him lose because of that is much more satisfying than in the Fate route because what Gilgamesh really lost against here isn’t something like Saber’s OP armour, he lost against his own lack of skill and what he prides himself in, his own arrogance. He let his guard down against a “faker” that can only do imitations of his swords, and was unable to recover his composure facing off against someone much “lower” than him being able to overpower him, even if it’s only for a bit of time. Not sure how I feel about the black void from the destruction of the Holy Grail coming to consume Gilgamesh though… Lmao at Tiger Dojo 24, the hanging mini Shirou getting smacked by Taiga and being blown away like a star was so funny hahahaha.

I find it quite a miracle that Archer was able to survive this long into the end game and was able to watch over their battles and save both Rin and Shirou in the last minute! Like, he was already weak at the castle, fought with Shirou, took the hit from multiple Noble Phantasms by Gilgamesh and he was still able to project so many weapons to get Rin away from the Holy Grail monster and then project another one to prevent Gilgamesh from dragging Shirou into the void?? I guess I should be impressed rather than in disbelief haha. Honestly though, I do believe that Rin is Shirou’s “true love” because you can really see how much Archer still loves and cherishes her after all that he experienced. His silly banter with her was so similar to how she and Shirou interacted, and I think the fact that he still held on to her jewel (that ended up allowing her to summon him) is enough reason to really see how much he thought about her and how much he wanted to be with her. But at the same time he couldn’t be with her because it was his love and admiration for her that probably allowed him to move forward and follow his dream/ideal and end up becoming Emiya the heroic spirit. I honestly wanted to cry when he asked Rin to support himself and take care of himself aka Shirou. And I honestly believe in Archer’s belief that if Rin is beside Shirou, he won’t become the regretful hero Emiya. It’s saddening that even if Shirou leads a different life, Archer will probably always still be a heroic spirit doing what he had to do before. The only relief to be had is that after encountering Rin and Shirou here, he’s kinda rejuvenated himself by being reminded of past him’s beliefs, wishes and his resolve for becoming who he has become today. So, he’ll be fine, even if it’s painful. Archer’s last smile looked so much like Shirou. And omggg, something I never realised! In the beginning, Archer chose to call her Rin and continued calling her that because calling her Tohsaka is something Shirou does! By coming to terms with his own self as Shirou, he can finally feel like he can call her Tohsaka like he used to… It’s so cute and bittersweet😭😭

I loved how adorable Shirou and Rin were (in the true ending) when she kept asking if he would come with her to London as her apprentice at the Magic Association training academy or whatever and Shirou was too shy to openly say yes when it was obvious what his answer would be haha. The good ending was something I would have also liked to see in the Fate route but I guess seeing it here is nice too! It’s a bit like a harem end lmao, but I think Saber deciding to stay in this world to see if she can find her own answer by watching over Shirou (since Archer said she is wrong but she doesn’t really understand in this ending), so now Shirou, Rin and Saber can always hang together! It’s so cute honestly~ It’s kinda like how everything was in the beginning of this route, so playful, fun and happy with three of them haha.

Overall, I really liked UBW. Imo, I still think that the fights with Caster etc were the weak parts of this route and it can kinda detract your attention because I didn’t think it was really interesting lol. But everything is worth it when it comes to Shirou’s fight with Archer and then Gilgamesh. It really felt like everything that was built up since the beginning was made worth it. It was nice to see how much Archer and Shirou were natural enemies against each other without Shirou even realising who he was, yet they both couldn’t help but be influenced by the other. I thought Archer’s story really made UBW such a highlight emotionally. His story was well developed and nicely explored against Shirou’s ideals and you could really see how much they couldn’t help but clash. I honestly really loved how no matter what Archer did that seemed contradictory to what “Shirou” would do, in the end, he was Shirou through and through with how soft of a guy he really was. I really loved the concept of Shirou being the one to make possible future him/Archer realise why his original ideals were so important to him and why despite everything, he really doesn’t regret how everything came to be anymore. I really think that it was such an important growth to both Archer and Shirou and I loved it. It allowed them both to further their resolves and be proud of the path they’re walking on. Another great thing about this route was Rin, she’s such a great heroine that totally matches well with Shirou because not only does she drive him to become a stronger person like her, Shirou also makes her want to improve and be as driven as him even when things don’t go her way. I just think that not only do they work to bring their best out of each other as people, they’re also very capable in being silly with the other. They’re just as cute as they are strong and I love their relationship. As for the other Servants, I think only Lancer and Assassin really hit me emotionally. Lancer being such a ladies man and fighting for his own beliefs is something I always enjoy seeing, and Assassin finding meaning by being able to fight with other true swordsmen was something I couldn’t help but feel happy for. It really felt like a 8.5-9/10 route!👌

And nowww, on to the last route! Since the last Heaven’s Feel movie isn’t out yet, I don’t really know what happens at the end of it, so I guess aside from the Fate route, this will be the other route I don’t have much idea about what will happen and that kinda makes me excited haha!

#fate stay night

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someone-elses-star · 5 years

Text

Episode 6x06 Personal Narration

I wanted to narrate my thoughts and such on this episode because it is the first episode of the season with our knowledge of Bob and Eliza’s marriage! Spoilers below!!

John already looks frustrated with Jo! Good!

Sleepless is common? Cool fact....?

Lightning round! lmao

Yes, Clarke is fairly awesome! John don’t be a dick about it!

Madi....you know....your kid....LOL John

Poor Madi!

They are starting to suspect......

You tell them Madi! Be your commander self!

Creepy dark commander! Don’t hurt my little girl!

Kinda disappointed it didn’t say Eliza Morley or something. I knew, logically, it wouldn’t, but still.....would’ve been cool!

Family meeting!

Yesssss....where IS Bellamy?

Awww, poor Echo thinking she was ditched.

Raven sorta referring to Clarke? That’s kinda nice.

You so should be a little guilty about some of the things you did Raven! You are really making it hard to love you. I mean, I get it, girl. But she isn’t even Clarke right now. Save your energy.

You probably won’t find him Echo. Good luck!

Yes, John defend your man! lmao

“That seems a tad impulsive” lol

“We’re all the hero of our own story, John.” Great line!

Ohhhhh.....John playing a part to fool Bellamy. BAD MURPHY! You should be ashamed of yourself for fooling your man!

Awwww......pooor Bell! Don’t cry! Hopefully we can still get Clarke back!

Yes, Bellamy! Burn this fucker to the ground!

Ohhhh....bringing Bloodreina back! Good segue!

Love this new partnership between Octavia and Diyoza!

Fascinating? Fucking weirdo! lmao.

Lol Diyoza! Get those virgins!

COMMERCIAL Break #1 Thoughts So Far? I need chocolate. I will help Bellamy burn this place to the ground. I really hate the angle Murphy is playing and he better fix his ass real quick! LOVE OCTAVIA AND DIYOZA! I need a drink.

New engineer guy is hot. Though pairing him with Raven would be predictable. Please don’t do it....the writers are probably going to do it.

Yes....you DO force people.....will you turn when you realize that Clarke was forced?

206? Damnnnnn......

Echo. I do love you.

Ewwww.....that poor man! Give him mercy, Echo!!!

See.....poor Echo understands mercy.

Why stop?

He chose this path? Fucking psychopaths!

You go be your badass self Echo!

COMMERCIAL Break #2 Thoughts? Commercial already? That was really quick! I really do look forward to Echo’s story. Do I want her with Bellamy? hell no! But not shipping a ship does not mean you can not like a character (or characters) separately from each other. So, yes, I’m excited for her backstory/flashbacks/memories and her evolution this season. Are we going to see more of Bellamy this episode? Is Murphy going to continue to be a manipulative ass? Is he hiding his true intentions from even us (the audience)? I sure hope so!

There’s Bellamy! He looks ready for war!

“It’s too bad we can’t ask her” Kill me Bellamy.

Yes, Bellamy. Question Murphy!

You are so GOOD Bellamy!

You are such a liar Murphy!

Him continuing to bring up Clarke is ship goals! BELLARKE!

Don’t you dare use Monty’s name in vain, Murphy!

This is so NOT how we do better, Murphy!

Poor Bellamy’s world is falling apart.

“Don’t we all....” Fucking savage Diyoza! “Screw redemption!”

She’s probably going to eventually join them. Haha

Yes, Diyoza is protecting her new baby, Octavia!

Healing tree sap! SO COOL!

COMMERCIAL BREAK #3 Thoughts? How are these coming so quick now? Weird thought--can you make that sap into syrup for like pancakes and shit? Just curious. I’m not hungry. A pregnancy commercial about preventing pregnancy because the commercial girl says she can’t even take care of a plant? IRONIC AND HILARIOUS after scene with pregnant Diyoza! lmao. Bellamy is the reveler of truths! He’ll catch on to Murphy’s real game soon. He’s pretty much caught on to all of it by now.

More Madi badness?! I hate.

Yes, where IS Clarke? That is the real question!

Awwww....Madi’s good memory! LOVE! SO SWEET!!!

Why does that phrase work? The Flame is a chip essentially. But the chant is very witchy.

LEAVE MADI ALONE!

Do you guys think Madi might turn dark when she finds out about Clarke being taken over by Josephine?

“Clarke’s not here.” More than you think......more than you think.

Those messages are so BRAINWASHY!!! EWWW!

Bat your eyes a little more Josephine. That’ll convince them you’re Clarke!

Even her facial expressions are so un-Clarke. You people suck at realizing this shit! Abby....she’s your fucking daughter! You should know better!

You’re right Abby....IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE CLARKE!!!

Don’t let your love for Kane blind you from the truth Abby!!!

“I wasn’t aware we needed saving.” YES ABBY! USE THIS INFORMATION! Read the fucking SIGNS!!!!

Wow.......Josephine is almost convincing as Clarke when she fake cries. Almost.

COMMERCIAL BREAK #4 Thoughts? DAMN Eliza deserves all the awards! Playing a new character trying to fake being a different character. But more so, playing a different character in a show where she is familiar with one character (Clarke) and then flawlessly switching to Josephine’s character, and the struggle Josephine is having with pretending to be Clarke. GIVE HER ALL THE AWARDS!!! Is anyone frustrated with Abby not recognizing her daughter is not her daughter? I mean, I know she is going through shit, but my mother would know if I wasn’t acting myself. She knows when I’m having a mood through a non-descriptive text some days. What is her excuse?

Prime family? Pffft

Eliza is doing fantastic showing how ditzy and psychopathic Josephine is.

Eh....now they’re erasing themselves? Is that what they are doing?

You tell him, Raven!

“Is this your last body?” Great question, Raven! Love you for this, girl!

OHHHH. Echo is knowing shit!

Echo your azgeda is showing! LOVE IT!

Echo knows!!!!! Good job, my girl!!!! Love Echo for this!

Echo’s relief that Bellamy is alive is heartwarming. Still don’t like them as a couple. But love them as a family unit of sorts.

Ohhh. Josephine, don’t you go torturing my Bellamy!

OHHHH! It’s this scene! YOU STRANGLE THE HELL OUTTA HIM, Bellamy!

Russel. It’s kinda hard to hate you, but you are still a murderer so......your remorse isn’t good enough!

Wow. Josephine, you really are a manipulative bitch!

I’m really scared we aren’t getting Clarke back.....GUYS are we getting Clarke BACK??!?! SOMEONE GIVE ME HOPE!!!

Is Octavia dying? SHE BETTER NOT DIE! OHHHH.....cut it off? DAMNNNNN!

What the hell did she draw?

A message from what?!?!

Aliens? Do they have aliens?

COMMERCIAL BREAK #5 Thoughts? So is the anomaly an alien thing? Cause it seems like an alien thing. Is anyone else losing a little hope of getting Clarke back? I want to say with the trailer showing her flashback of Mount Weather, and the return of the actor that played her father, is hopeful because maybe those are guiding points for Clarke inside her head. That she is still mentally there, but just pushed behind a screen somehow. And the only reason Russell and the other Primes don’t know is because they never tried to bring someone back.

Ohhh, Echo is back!

So when do we attack? Yes, Echo! Attack!!!

NO DO NOT GIVE UP BELLAMY?

How are you going to tell Madi?

Awww Madi hugging Bellamy is cute, but I want a war! GIVE ME CLARKE back!

Aww....yes Bellamy cry for Clarke!!! But do not mourn....fight for her!

Yes, be MAD Madi! I don’t want evil Madi, but I do want Clarke back!

Ohhhh banishment? At least she didn’t kill her? I guess....?

OHHHHH! Yes.....kill THEM ALL, Madi!!

This is a very eventful last five minutes!!!

What is the pill she took for?

OHHHH Clarke?!?!?!!?!? YESSSSSS!!!!

LEXA AND BELLAMY ARE BOTH ON THE WALL!!!!! Those are the images she focused on most!

LOVE THAT NEW TRAILER!!! CLARKE IS GOING TO FIGHT FOR HER MIND! YESSSS!!!! PROOF SHE IS NOT DEAD!!!!

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griffinnorth · 4 years

Video

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Cringe | ContraPoints

ContraPoints released this today and if you’re not watching her stuff, I really urge you to!

I just wanted to share this one though cause like, it hit a chord? haha

I got like, feels mate. Under the cut and all that.

She goes over a lot of stuff in this video, but about midway through she starts talking about.... the Chris-chan phenomenon. I don’t have a better way to describe that? And apparently the harassment of this one autistic trans woman is still ongoing today?? By fellow autistic people no less??? And trans people????

I first learned about the whole Chris-chan + Sonichu thing years ago from a channel called “Down the Rabbithole” and what started as amusement of “look how fucking weird this person is” soon became... really hard to watch? Like as soon as I realized Chris-chan was autistic and that she was being taken advantage of by trolls online through traits that are autistic (our naivety, namely)... it was like god DAMN man, I stg I had fucking war flashbacks to my entire awful childhood.

I got bullied a lot in school, like so much so that I once had a friend who used to hang out with the popular kids tell me in high school that I was apparently one of the least popular kids in school - it was THAT bad. And the older I get, the clearer it becomes that I was bullied for being autistic, which I just couldn’t have known at that time. I remember how awful it was, how relentless and cruel it was, and how nothing I did could stop it. It was that bad. (I did actually manage to stop it but the measures in which I did that were like... largely damaging tbh. That’s a different story).

And if you’d asked anyone back then why they felt it was justified to treat me that way, why it was ok to abuse me, it would likely sound like the sort of garbage people use to justify going after Chris-chan. It baffles my mind that autistic people are going after someone whose abuse is being justified primarily for their autistic traits like, yikes guys. ContraPoints talks about how this sort’ve abuse comes from a place of “in-group shame”, so like “you’re giving autistic people a bad name” basically in this case, but damn. DAMN. How do you not notice that going after someone for being autistic as an autistic person is actually just ENCOURAGING neurotypical people to do the same?? How do you not GET that??

I really do recommend watching the video. She talks about more than just the Chris-chan thing, and it’s honestly all very fascinating and informative.

#feels #bullying #maybe tmi? fuck if I know

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forasecondtherewedwon · 5 years

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Hi! First of all, I can’t believe Affinity War is over! It’s my fav! Do you think you’ll ever write oneshots or something in that universe? Second! Maybe 19 for the prompts? :)

You’re so sweet, @hauntedmoondust! Thank you very much!! One-shots beyond these prompts? Hmm I don’t know yet. We’ll see!

Really Old Movie NightPairing:Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle)Rating: TWord count: 2290

19. “There’s so much blood.”

Friendships are something that seem to just happen to Peter.Like, boom, Mr. Stark shows up in his living room one day to recruit him to agroup of professional best buddies (thinly veiled as the Avengers). Or, boom,he’s a kid at science and engineering camp using Lego to assemble a scale modelof the Brooklyn Bridge when his hands bump into this kid called Ned’s hands,‘cause he’s been building from the other end, and they meet in the middle, likeLady and the Tramp, and become bestfriends. Or, subtler boom, the judgemental smart girl who’s always giving himthe finger offers up a nickname she’d like for him to call her one day andthat’s how Peter finds out that MJ doesn’t actively want to push him in frontof a bus.

Even including the surprise mission to Germany, it’s thelast one that surprises Peter the most. But then she just keeps doing it. Atlunch, MJ quits lurking with her novels at the far end of the table and slidesdown to eat with him and Ned. Every. Single. Day. She jokes with Peter between classes,which makes him start taking the scenic route from Chemistry to Spanish to givehimself more time to see her smile. Without anyone really making a big dealabout it, MJ becomes part of Peter and Ned’s sacred ritual of Homework Night;when it devolves into Lego Night, he really has to watch to catch the momentswhere she can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. Soon, it feels like thethree of them are as cohesive together as when it was just him and Ned. Makessense―triangles are the strongest shape.

So, with the closeness they’ve all developed, it’s rational thatMJ would still come over for movie night after Ned has to cancel. And thatPeter won’t need to check with his aunt for permission to have MJ in theapartment when he knows that May’s going out. Because it’s just MJ. MJ’s hisfriend, his second Ned, the person whose every appearance is the highlight ofhis day, the girl who makes his enhanced biology forget how to take in oxygento let him do the breathing thing. Respiration. Right. He knew the word.

Peter is feeling very calm about this. He could sync hispulse to a meditation track of soothing beach sounds (if the beach was in thewrath-of-god grip of a cyclone). What he definitely does not do is backflip to the door when she knocks. He hasrestraint―not that he needs it,because, again, MJ is nothing more than a benign, Ned-type person.

…Who smells really good when she enters and brushes by him.Ned usually smells like a combination of soap, Doritos, and metal from whateverthey’ve been covertly tinkering with in shop class.

“Come in,” Peter says, about twelve seconds too late. MJglances back at him with an expression that confirms he needs to pull himselftogether now.

“So, movie,” he tries again, swinging his arms as he leadsher to the fridge so she can select her soda of choice. He already has thesnacks arrayed on the coffee table in front of the couch. May has raised anattentive host.

“Movie,” MJ echoes. She lifts her eyebrows while taking asip of some bubbly pomegranate drink his aunt has possibly recently becomeaddicted to.

“Um, yeah, in here.”

Peter stares hard at the middle distance like a furiousShakespearean actor as he walks ahead of her to the couch; this is awkward. He’s awkward. No amount of junk foodcoated in assorted cheese powders is going to mask how severely he is failingat cultivating a regular buddy-buddy hang-out.

He halts abruptly, realizing he should let MJ pick where shewants to sit first, which just makes her run into him.

“Oh shit,” she gasps, eyes on the can in her hand, but shedoesn’t spill a drop.

Instead, the carbonation of the drink asserts its presencethrough a high-pitched hiccup that reminds Peter of Dopey swallowing the soapin Snow White. (Only May knows that’shis favourite Disney movie.) Instinctively, he goes to pat MJ on the back inorder to―man, he really doesn’t know―pop any potential bubbles still inside herbody? Anyway, his arm goes up, she steps forward, and this time they collidehead-on. And since they were already close, a more accurate description wouldbe that they hug. Sort of.

Their cheeks touch when they both quickly step back. Peter’spretty sure he’s doing Thor’s party trick now, vibrating all over aselectricity runs through him. MJ’s face might be pink, but he’s too overwhelmedto give it more than a glimpse. Sitting. Sitting will be better. You can’t runinto someone when you’re nestled into a couch cushion. He coaches himself tobreathe. Naturally, he does it out loud by accident, but very quietly.

MJ heads to the far end of the couch and shrugs off herjacket. Ok, good news and bad news. Good: she’s protecting his sanity byleaving several feet between them. Bad: he forgot to offer to hang up herjacket when she came in.

Then she drops her jacket onto the end seat and sits on thecenter one, so Peter’s flustered all over again. What’s he going to do now? Siton the table? The floor? The ceiling? Haha No, that would give away hissuperpowers.

But, seriously, is the ceiling an option?

And he does have to choose one, because he’s still standingthere, watching MJ’s sweater slide momentarily off her shoulder as she getscomfortable on his (May’s) couch in his (May’s) living room and realizing thatMJ might not be a Ned-person at all. It’s actually looking more and more likeshe’s an MJ, his one and only MJ, and that he’s invited her into a situationthat is rapidly sharpening in focus to appear like a date.

He sits next to her, trying to keep his trembling to himselfas his crush hits like an earthquake.

“What are we watching?” she asks, mouth half-full of whitecheddar popcorn from the bowl on the table.

Peter reflexively licks his own lip when he sees the palepowder on hers.

“Uh, it’s this really old horror movie. The Shining?” he checks, like she’s the one who picked it and hejust found out.

“Ok, cool.”

He should ask if she’s seen it and, if she has, offer topick something else, but MJ has lifted one foot off the floor to tuck her legbeneath her where she sits―thereby putting her folded leg nearer to where he sits. So, yep, it’s a miracle that hecan grip the handrail on one train of thought long enough to cue the movie upand press play.

Beyond a lot of creepy music and scenes with garish hotelfurniture that remind him of Wes Anderson movies, Peter doesn’t have much ideaof what’s happening on the screen. He has a few (thousand) more thoughts aboutwhat’s happening on this couch. Where to start? MJ’s leaned forward and back afew times, taking sips of her drink and returning it to the table, and ended upcloser to him every time. Their legs are officially touching now. Peter couldput a hand on her shoulder, give her a little nudge, and she would lean rightinto him. That’s based on physics, of course. Gravity and potential energy andthat kinda thing. Doesn’t mean MJ wouldn’t immediately brace herself and thenlook at him like Jack Torrance is not the only psycho in the Parker livingroom.

That’s what Michelle would do, as she existed to him beforeshe declared them friends. Peter sneaks a look at his MJ. Woops, he needs toquit calling her that in his head. She’s leaning slightly towards him (unevencouch cushions are probably to blame) and not looking 100% relaxed. Hissuper-senses let him hear her breathing very clearly and see, when his gazelowers, her chest rising and falling with a heartrate too quick to be at rest.

Duh. They’re watching a horror movie.

Peter exhales heavily. He wants to put his head in his handsand collect himself, but he can’t do that in front of her. Can’t be obviouslike that.

“There’s so much blood,” MJ comments, making him forget hisinner turmoil.

“Um, yeah. That’s super gross, actually.”

His face scrunches up as he watches, like, a swimming pool’sworth of gore rush out of a red elevator. Was somebody murdered in there? Petertrusts his guess on that one less than on the precise shade of brown in MJ’seyes. Just when he’s getting into the movie, starting to piece together thestory, distinguish present from flashbacks from supernatural visions, MJ shuddersnext to him. His head turns so fast.

“Are… are you ok?”

He’s nervous asking, not wanting to embarrass her. Peter hasnever see her disturbed or vulnerable. Even when he ran up to her inWashington, behind his Spider-Man mask, she didn’t look afraid for theirteammates stuck inside the Monument so much as determined that they should andwould be rescued. But if a wave of blood is what gets to her, that’s alright.It doesn’t make her weak.

MJ turns her head to look at him―not quite straight-on, butmore attentively than just a glance from the corner of her eye. She gives asmall smile and a shrug.

“It’s my first Stephen King movie.”

“I think, technically, it’s a Stanley Kubrick movie, sincehe’s the director.”

He feels so much relief when she rolls her eyes and callshim a dork. Then elation as MJ shifts towards him and slouches into his side.

“You want me to turn it off?” Peter asks.

Right away, he’s worried his words have implied that themovie should be stopped so they can transition to something more physical. Betweenthe two of them. In, like, a way that comes burdened with countless baseballmetaphors. He fears he’s created a ‘Netflix and chill’ atmosphere and feelsabjectly douchey.

“Nah,” MJ says and sighs. His eyes widen, feeling her exhaleagainst him. “I’m just gonna… I’ll just… Is it ok if I sit like this?”

Holy crap, she’s close. Peter nods as his mouth goes dry.Before he presses play again, he gradually raises his arm and tucks it aroundMJ’s shoulders. It only encourages her to snuggle (snuggle? Are theysnuggling?) more tightly against him.

Once again, even the most major events of the movie eludePeter, but the plot points of what’s happening between him and MJ are theeasiest story he’s ever followed. First, her head lowers down onto hisshoulder. Second, she reaches up to feel the arm he has around her and tanglesher fingers with his. Third is the twist. The bombshell. The surprise you don’tsee coming.

Because she mutters, “Watch out, Hallorann,” right beforethe bald chef guy (who Peter vaguely remembers from the beginning of the movie)takes an axe to the chest.

Almost robotically, Peter straightens up and tilts his headaway to give himself the distance to look at MJ. She’s gone very still besidehim and, though she’s nowhere near as easy to read as he knows he is, he cantell from her face that she’s constructing an excuse behind those warm browneyes. His mind’s moving fast now, leaving the realization that MJ’s seen thismovie before in the dust. That means she isn’t really afraid; if Peter knowsanything about her, it’s that she wouldn’t suffer through something thathonestly terrifies her in order to impress him. She wouldn’t do that foranyone. The only logical conclusion is that she wanted this outcome, himholding her.

Slowly, MJ gives Peter the closest to sheepish that he’sever seen on her face. Yeah, well, he’s already blown past the thought ofconfronting her. She’s laid out the beginning and the middle. He thinks he canmanage the ending.

Peter wraps a palm around her round cheek and kisses her. Shetastes like fizzy pomegranate. The second that he starts doing it, the factthat he is doing it shocks him, butby now MJ’s evidently working from his script. Her hands are warm on the backof his neck as she kisses him, not letting him panic and bail out. The mainthing the kiss tells him is that she’s been thinking about doing this sincelong before the movie started. He’s always known she’s better at planning, plusshe has that enigmatic wisdom that really throws him sometimes. Peter justdidn’t expect to be one of those plans. He starts to grin into the kiss at theidea of MJ considering him a wise decision.

She draws back with her eyebrows pulling together, assessinghis euphoric expression.

“Show some respect, nerd. A man has just been murdered.”

“He seemed like the kind of guy who’d take comfort inknowing we’re continuing to live our lives,” Peter argues, unable to shake hissmile.

“You were barely even watching. Don’t pretend like it taughtyou some life lesson.”

“It did though! It taught me that Ned cancelling on ourplans isn’t always a bad thing.”

MJ gives him a wry smirk.

“I guess you’re not completelywrong.”

“Wow, so in your book, kissing comes before cutting me someslack?” Peter grins.

“I save the slack-cutting for the second date,” she informshim.

“Second date, huh? Let’s have that one on purpose.”

As soon as Peter says it, MJ brings her mouthback to his and they have their second kiss on purpose too.

Pick a prompt for a Spideychelle drabble!

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yelenaa-romanova · 5 years

Text

The 1OO Ask Game

I was tagged by @pendragaryen!

1. What station on the Ark would you be from?

I never really thought about that, but maybe Farm or Hydro Station

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

My friends would do something forbidden and I’d be with them, trying to stop them, and get caught in the process.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

If we ever got close enough for that, it would have a little horse on it :)

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

Sinclair

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Octavia (before she went psycho), Monty

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

Trikru

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

I’m not posting my name online, but it would be practically the same in Trig...

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

I don’t have that strong feelings as love or hate towards him. I always acceoted and liked him in season 1, but then he went so out of character in season 2 and I’m sorry, I just can’t forgive him.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

Not very willing. I would take it in the end to avoid torture, but before, I would refuse. I’m not one to go along with something just because other people do it.

11. What character do you relate to most?

Monty :’) I’m a very peaceful person.

12. What character do you like the least?

In the first season that was Murphy, but he certainly grew on me. Now...probably Echo or Abby. I just can’t forgive them certain things.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

Black jeans, simple bordeaux red shirt, a worn leather jacket and a signature necklace. Nothing fancy though, just a simple chain with some little pendant.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Of those I can think of right now, one’s equally disturbing as the other...

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

I’d work in the nursery/pre school since this is what I’ve learned in real life :)

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

No. I would have probably puked as soon as she cut open her chest.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

Except Lexa? Anya

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

I’d be talking A LOT, giggling, and find everything funny.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

Bellamy. I’d never punish a child.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

I liked Abby as the Chancellor (back when I still liked her character). If not her, then Kane (ground Kane, not Ark Kane^^)

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

Maybe I would’ve been in Polis, idk. If not, definitely Kane’s side.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

uhm...can I go with the food? Would make for a nice little change XD

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

My hair would be open with lots and lots of tiny little braids with feathers, pearls, horse hair and stuff like that braided into them. I’d have tattoos on one arm, running from the shoulder to the wrist in ornate patterns, and if I was a warrior, I would wear black war paint around the eyes, but not as much as Lexa or Octavia, more like a simple design.

24. Favorite quote?

You can’t seriously expect me to chose! Here are my top 3: “Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don’t we deserve better than that?” - Clarke “You don’t ease pain. You overcome it.” - Clarke “If a war is the only way to have the last survivable land on earth, then maybe we don’t deserve it.” - Monty

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

Lexa, Luna or Roan

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Since I’m not allowed to name either my fav or my least fav ship (whyyyy) I’m gonna say favorite: Linctavia; least favorite: Kane x Diyoza; fav non canon: Roan x Raven

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

Any song by Ruelle, preferably Genesis or Zayde Wolf ft. Ruelle - Walk Through the Fire. And I don’t care about guest stars.

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

Try to get along with him somehow... read all the books that are there (I really hope there are books?!), sing karaoke, dance and try not to go insane

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

A war casualty, or maybe die as a hostage of one of the rivaling clans.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

Diyoza would be interesting!

31. A character you’d bang?

Bellamy Blake, for sure. Who wouldn’t?

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

Probably in the Bunker, cause it seemed like the safest place before all that crazy shit happened. I think I just would’ve been in there already when they closed the doors.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

I would, if only because I would be too scared to defy her rule. I would read, and if there are no (more) books, I’d write my own stories.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

I don’t think I would commit any crime, until it comes to not becoming a cannibal. And even then, she’d probably shoot me on the spot instead of throwing me in the pits.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

Monty and Harper. Murphy would be the most difficult, and I’d try to stay away from Echo.

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

Ugh, not long at all. Depends on where I am and what resources I have, but I don’t think I’d last longer than a few months.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

Hide and observe from afar

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?

I didn’t particularly like any of them in season 5, but by now, Diyoza. She’s badass. Least favorite McCreary, although it pains me a bit to say so because the actor is so nice :’)

39. Would you Spacewalk?

Yes...after I’d conquered my fear haha

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

I’m a vegetarian, so Algae it is

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

No, never. I’m on Monty’s side here (see the favorite quote thing above). I would try to negotiate with Eligius and work out a plan to share the valley.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

Errr...neither?!

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

I don’t have a sister, but if I had, I think I’d only do it as a very last resort. For the person I love... well I think I’d love my sister too, so that would be an extremely difficult situation. But putting myself in Bellamy’s place here, I think I would do it, and then I’d have to try and live with it. I don’t think anyone could have stopped Octavia at that point tbh.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?

Stay awake. Cryo creeps the hell out of me.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

Clarke, Bellamy, Raven and Jackson.

I don’t know a lot of people on here who watch The 100, so I’m not gonna tag any specific people. But if YOU want to do this tag, go for it and consider yourself tagged by me!

#tag game #tagged #the 100 #questions #this was fun :)#tag #not books #text post

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