#harry sad

[gucciwins]

because of me?

Will Harry be able to find his way back to his family?

Word count: 6548

A/N: hi friends! you all wanted a part two so i hope you all read the conclusion to the styles family as they navigate through a hard time. please come tell me what you thought i really enjoyed writing this part even if it took me a month to decide what direction i wanted to go.

Warnings: angst (happy ending)

Part One: why is daddy sad?

_____

After Harry left, Y/N wasn’t sure how to feel. 

A part of her felt guilty for not having done anything sooner, and another felt abandoned because, in three months, he managed to leave them with a goodbye and a kiss to each of them. Saylor, the oldest, understood that Harry wouldn’t be there anymore and that he might be happy for a change. While Lucy understood he was going on a long trip and returning in a few weeks. 

Except, a few weeks turned into two months. The US tour kept getting extended as fans begged for more and more dates. There was an album to release soon, and Y/N knew nothing about it when most times, Harry was excited to share his ideas with her. She was always one of the first to listen, and now this new album, she did not have a single idea of what it was about. 

Harry’s calls were not frequent, but when he did call, he talked to the kids for hours, sometimes draining her phone battery and cutting him off mid-story. Lucy, Y/N noticed, held on to Harry’s every word. Her eyes would widen in amazement when he’d show them the stage and even sitting in Sarah’s seat in front of the drums. While Saylor sat there asking a few questions and listening to his dad. There was a disconnect from Saylor; with Y/N, he was her affectionate and bubbly son, but with Harry, he became silent, almost closed off she wanted to say.

“Saylor?” 

“Yeah, mum.” 

“Do you want to make cookies with me?” 

“Brownies?” He countered. 

Y/N chuckled, having expected the answers. “Yes, baby. I have everything ready.” 

“Can you tie my apron, Mumma?”

Saylor quickly grabbed the apron Y/N leaves hanging in the kitchen for both him and Lucy when they have the sudden urge to help her in the kitchen. Y/N guides Saylor in turning around and makes a knot for him, tight enough it won’t be loose but easy enough for Saylor to tug on and take off when they finish. 

He turns around with a dimpled smile, “ready, Mumma!” 

His apron reads “Chef Saylor,” embroidered in red thread on his chest. It was a gift from Gemma, and she made sure to make one for Lucy, although she prefers sitting on the countertop and munching on fruits and chocolates.

The process of baking goes pretty well. Y/N keeps a watchful eye on Lucy as she plays with the monster trucks her friend Griffin gifted Lucy for her birthday last month. Harry made it back for the party and left soon after, to no one’s surprise. 

“Petal?”

“Yes, Mumma,” he answers while staying focused on mixing the ingredients. 

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Happy.” 

“That’s good. Right now?” 

“Mhm…” 

She hesitated but knew she needed to try because when she was young and hurting, Y/N hated that her parents never knew she was upset or angry that she had to wear a mask all the time. 

“Are you happy all the time?” 

Y/N saw him stop mixing for a second before continuing like nothing had happened. 

“Think it’s finished,” he moved the bowl over to Y/N, who didn’t push him and let him help pour the batter into the pan. She did the final step alone, not wanting Saylor to get burned from the preheated oven. 

“Job well done, Saylor.” 

Saylor stepped off his stool and gave your waist a tight squeeze. 

“Love you, Mumma.” 

“I love you so much, petal. Now go wash up. I’ll clean the dishes.” 

He runs up the steps, and Y/N sighs. It’s hard being a single parent. It’s even harder having no one to talk this out with. She really is all alone in this when Y/N was promised she would never be. 

_____

Dinner and brownies were a success. 

Y/N is in bed reading her book when she hears a small knock on the door and sees it being pushed open. Saylor, in his snug Bluey pajama set, walks towards her. 

“My little love, you alright? Can’t sleep.”

He nods his head. He climbs up on the bed. Y/N giggles as she watches him shake off his slippers from his feet. “Come on, I’ll give you cuddles.”

Saylor gives her a giant smile, hurrying to get tucked under the blankets. He lets out a deep sigh when he’s settled next Y/N. 

“Alright, Mumma was reading. Is it okay if I do that for a little longer, or do you want to sleep?” 

“Can we sleep, please?” 

Y/N grins pushing his hair out of his face to look at his face that resembles every bit of Harry from when he was a child. “Let’s sleep, then.” 

She reaches to turn off the light and slides lower to rest her head on her pillow, letting Saylor adjust himself as he lays his head on her chest. Y/N runs her hand down his back in soothing circles, hoping it will help him sleep. It’s quiet, and she thinks he’s gone down when she finally decides to close her eyes and do the same. 

“Mummy?” 

“Saylor? Are you okay?” 

“Is Daddy coming back?”

“Not for a few weeks. Remember he told you he’s singing for his fans every night.” Y/N doesn't know where the conversation is heading, but she doesn't feel ready. “He’s going to call tomorrow. You can ask him when he's coming home. You know Daddy loves talking to you.”

“What if he’s not coming home?”

“Saylor,”

“What if he loves his fans more than us, and he forgets about us?” 

“Saylor, your dad loves you. He tells you every time he calls.” 

“Not like you, not all day.” 

She sighs, “no, not every day.” 

“You love us?”

“More than all the stars in the universe,” she reminds him. 

“Enough, that’s enough,” he whispers. 

Y/N feels her heartbreak, her son is so young, but he picks up on the emotions and dynamics of the relationship really well. This is more than Y/N was prepared for; maybe it’s time for a visit to a therapist because Saylor, from a young age, picked up on Harry’s sadness and now questioning his father’s love and his place in their family is a lot for a child to process and Y/N can only do so much. She needs help, and it’s okay to ask for it.

Maybe it was time Y/N went as well. 

_____

Harry loved being on stage. 

He knew he had to thank his wife for the reason he was back on stage. Harry loved his family, but something was missing as he became a stay-at-home father. He enjoyed the studio time, but he craved being on stage and interacting with the fans who gave him everything. 

Except, it wasn’t the fans who helped him accomplish all his dreams. It was Y/N, a selfless Y/N who always put others above herself, and this time no different. She went above and beyond, and what did Harry do to repay her? He left her alone with their two children. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had a support team around her, and he knew she would be fine. 

At least, that’s what he told himself over and over. The truth is he doesn’t know how to begin to help his wife. It’s a big reason he was glad his team made his first show in America because his therapist, whom he stopped talking to years ago, lives and works there. Harry felt he got to a point in his life where it was no longer necessary, but that isn’t true. He needs it more than ever, especially if he wants to be a better man for his family. 

Change won’t come in a day, and for the time being, he will prove to Y/N and their kids that he’s the father and husband they deserve. 

He’ll go home soon, but when he does, he wants to be his best version. 

_____

Holiday vacations are around the corner, and the kids miss their dad. Lucy talks about him constantly, more than ever, and how he promised to play mermaids with her when he’s home for Christmas. Y/N doesn’t know how much she believes him, but she’s willing to give him a chance to prove himself. While Saylor is doing better. The therapist said it’s normal for Y/N to feel hurt and sad that she couldn’t do more for her child because it means she’s doing the right thing. She put her feelings aside to help her child. 

Y/N began going to therapy herself. She did it when she was younger after her mother passed away unexpectedly but stopped when visits became low and few. Kirsten says it might even be a good idea to bring in Lucy, but Y/N wants to take it step by step, not wanting to overwhelm her children. Saylor says he’s enjoying the sessions because he gets to talk and play with different toys some days, even paint. Y/N is overall relieved that she made the right choice for her family. She knows she should have spoken to Harry, but Y/N, never knowing his exact schedule or how she was doing, felt it was not the right time to discuss with him, especially over the phone. 

Lucy had been complaining about missing Harry, and Saylor also jumped in, stating they missed hearing him sing. Y/N’s never known how to say no to her kids, so with a single text to Jeff, he sent back a confirmation of three plane tickets that would take them to Chicago, where Harry was in town for three days before the next city. 

Packing their bags was easy due to their excitement, but Y/N had a pit of anxiety sitting in her stomach that she could not shake. Sarah assured her that Harry would be happy to see them when Y/N texted her to let her know she was planning a visit. Y/N felt the most nervous because she was surprising Harry when he never asked them to come out and support him since he started touring. It’s something that had always been on her mind. It made her feel as if he was doing his best to keep both sides of his life separate when she thought that Harry would have found his way back to her 

Saylor and Lucy were excellent during the eight-hour flight. Maybe they could sense her nerves or were just as nervous as she was in the moment to see Harry again. There’s a car waiting for them at the airport with a driver. As much as Y/N wanted to drive in the city, it's been too long since she’s driven in America. The car seats for the children are luxurious, and it makes Y/N wonder as she’s buckling in Lucy if they went out of their way to buy them for her children or got them on loan from somewhere. Either way, she’s thankful.

Lucy slept most of the flight, while Saylor slept on and off. She knew the jet lag would hit them hard as they’re not used to traveling, at least not the time change in America. Y/N made sure to take her children on trips through their neighboring countries. Harry would join them all the time, making traveling easier but being alone with two kids under six, she prefers to visit places close to home. 

“Yes, we’ve arrived.” She looks behind her, sighing in relief as her children look out the windows, amazement shown in their eyes. “They’re fine. A bit tired, but we’re going to eat and try to sleep in a few hours if any of us can make it that long. Love you.” Y/N hangs up her phone turning to look at her children once more, “Nana says she loves you so much and that you better take lots of photos to show her when we go home.” 

“Love Na,” Lucy whispers. 

“Nana Anne, miss us?” Saylor asks. 

“So much, says she’s got a surprise for when we go home.” 

“Yay,” both Saylor and Lucy cheer together.

After texting Jeff that they had landed, he told her the driver would be bringing them to the venue where they all were rehearsing for the show tomorrow. Y/N knew that meant it was only a matter of minutes before she was reunited with Harry, and their children would get to spend time with him for longer than ten minutes. 

Jeff waved at them as the car parked in the empty lot, helping Saylor unbuckle while Y/N got Lucy out, who chose to stay in her arms. Saylor rushed over to Y/N to hold her free hand. Jeff promised all their stuff would be taken to their hotel room, and she knew he meant into the room they would be sharing with Harry.

Y/N stayed quiet, listening to Lucy talk Jeff’s ear off about how excited she was to see her Daddy. She missed him so much, and listening to his music was boring when he wasn’t there to dance and sing with her. Y/N realized Saylor was nervous. His hand was sweating, but he didn’t let go of Y/N’s hand. No, his hold on her hand tightened as they were guided to the area where Harry was hanging out with his bandmates. 

“Harry,” Jeff yelled, cutting off all the conversations in the room. “Got some visitors.” He moves out of the way, allowing Y/N to walk into the room. Saylor follows close behind. The room is silent for a few seconds before Lucy starts bouncing in Y/N’s arms, excitedly chanting Daddy. 

“You’re here,” he breathes out. His eyes locked on Y/N first, then shifted to Lucy and Saylor. Their son stayed right by her side while Lucy began reaching forward, begging for Harry to take her in his arms. 

Harry quickly crossed the room and took Lucy from Y/N, spinning her around as her laugh rang loud in the room. Y/N shuffled in closer with Saylor at her side. Sarah came to say hello first; it was her godson, after all. 

“My little Saylor, you’re so big,” Sarah greeted, crouching down to his size. He moved away and jumped into his godmother’s waiting arms. 

“Missed you.” He whispered low enough for only the three of them could hear. 

“He’s been playing that bongo drum. You got him like crazy.” 

Saylor nods his head excitedly, “can I play your drums?” 

Sarah laughs, “I’m sure we can work something out.” 

Y/N knows Harry’s coming back over because Saylor’s hand made its way back into hers. Lucy is now running around, introducing herself to everyone as if they don’t remember who she is. Most of the team here today were there for Y/N and Harry during the early years of their children’s lives. 

“Hi, Saylor,” Harry greets, copying what Sarah did, getting down to be at his level. “I’ve missed you so much. You look so big, soon you might be bigger than Mummy.” 

Saylor giggles, “you think so?” 

“Of course, you might be taller than Mitch, too,” Harry teased. 

“Ha,” Mitch laughed dryly as he let Lucy sit on his lap as she told him about her journey on the plane and how the nice airplane lady gave her apple juice. 

The tension is gone, and it warms her heart to see Harry and Saylor sharing a long embrace. Y/N feels guilty because she’s the reason why her children don’t see their father every day anymore, but she also feels guilty for letting Harry be unhappy for so long. Lost in thought, she doesn’t seem to realize Harry standing in front of her, rocking on his heels as if he’s waiting for permission to touch her. Instead of overthinking what she should do, she does what she wants, which is to give her husband a hug. 

She hears him let out a deep sigh, breathing her in. It's been a long time since she allowed herself to relax, but being here with his arms wrapped tight around her, she knows she belongs here. She just doesn’t know if Harry still thinks she does. 

“Thank you for the surprise,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Glad you liked it.”

“Daddy, Daddy?” Lucy pulls on his jeans, asking for attention. 

Y/N pulls away from him, laughing as Lucy and Saylor wait for Harry to let go of her and pay attention to them. “Duty calls,” she jokes.

“Oi, what are you going to do?” 

“She’ll be in good hands with me,” Sarah interrupts, dropping her hand over Y/N’s shoulder. “Now go. Your children have missed you.” 

Harry gives Y/N one last look, and she nods, assuring him it’s okay. 

Y/N really hopes the trips end well because a big reason she brought them out to visit wasn’t just for Saylor and Lucy but for herself to ask Harry where they stand. It’s important she finds out because she doesn’t want to suffer any more heartbreak.

_______

The night together at the hotel had gone well. Y/N was relieved when Saylor and Lucy settled for bed at eight pm that they even managed to stay awake so long, but she knew it was all because of Harry. Y/N wanted to stay up to talk with Harry and see how he felt because she didn’t want him to feel like she ambushed him, that she wanted to see him, that the kids did. Instead, as she waited for him to exit the bathroom, she fell asleep, the exhaustion of traveling hitting her like a truck now that everything had settled. Y/N swears she felt a kiss on her head and a blanket placed over her as she fell asleep. It’s the safest she’s felt in months. 

Morning came all too soon when Saylor and Lucy jumped into their bed. Y/N and Harry shared a bed for the first time in months, and she was glad they woke her up, not allowing a moment of awkwardness to settle over them. Lucy demanded they feed her while Saylor reminded her to say please. Y/N laughed because she felt like a family, and looking over at Harry showering Saylor in kisses as Lucy sat on her stomach poking at Y/N’s face, she wondered if Harry felt the same.

“Come on, my loves. I’ll let you take a look at the menu and order whatever you want,” Harry coaxed them hoping to call them down.

“Anything?” Lucy shrieked.

Harry’s eyes widened before glancing at Y/N, who did her best to bite back a smile, “I’m afraid I’ve used the wrong word.” 

Y/N shrugs, “make sure you include some fruits in there, but no-”

“Blueberries, Lucy’s allergic,” he finishes for Y/N.

“If I eat blueberries, will I become like the girl in Charlie’s factory?”

“You will not become like Violet, little lady,” Harry chuckles, “but if you did, we’d still love you.” 

“We’ll always love you, Luce. No matter what,” Saylor chimed in, and Y/N felt her heart grow ten times the size. 

There was a lot to discuss with Harry, but today, she’d enjoy the day with her family and feel proud to see Harry on stage doing what he loves. 

______

The venue was chaotic, and Saylor and Lucy loved it. They saw someone doing something new at every turn, fixing lights or cooking food. It wasn’t until they saw the fans being let in did they gasp that all those people were there for their Daddy. It felt nice to allow them the experience of seeing Harry do what he loves. Y/N told Harry she wanted to walk around. She can’t remember the last time she was backstage at a venue. Y/N had been with Harry for so long that she feels she has visited so many arenas and stadiums, but she will never get over the friendly environment that Harry and their team maintain. Many of these people working backstage are the ones she saw when she first came out to see Harry. He prides himself in working with the people he trusts and has built a relationship with, and Y/N knows he cares for each person on his team. 

He promised her he’d take care of Saylor and Lucy, promising he’d agree to everything they asked for, and she knew he was teasing but also wouldn’t put it past him. If Lucy asked him for a pony, Y/N’s sure he’d have it waiting for her as soon as she was back in London. Y/N knew Harry wanted to get Saylor his own drum kit already, but Y/N wasn’t ready for the loud noise that would never end. 

“Take your time, love. I’m in good hands,” he teased. 

“We take care of Daddy, like you taught us,” Saylor promises. 

The show was set to start at nine, with the opener going on at eight, meaning she had roughly an hour and a half before she needed to go back and let Harry get ready without the distraction of two children who had a new question every second. Y/N spent time roaming the green room and speaking with the band, who were all too happy to ask her questions about her job and life in their London home. After excusing herself, she made her way through the hallways until she reached a black curtain allowing herself to take a peek at the fans there tonight. Harry had mentioned it being a sold-out show and that all tickets went to fans. They worked hard on keeping prices fair to fans, no longer allowing platinum tickets to be sold, not at the cost of his fans. 

She stepped out, and the loud chatter of the arena echoed around her. There were many empty seats, as it was early but the pit was as packed as ever. Fans turned around, trying to see who was excited, but no one gave her a second glance. Her relationship with Harry is something they kept quiet about their first year. After Harry accidentally posted a photo of her on his Instagram story with a “happy anniversary” sticker, fans pieced it all together. In an interview with Zane Lowe, he happily shared that he was in love and happy that was all that should matter to his fans. The only posts about their children to this point are each child’s birth; that is how she hopes it stays until they’re older.

Y/N was glad she wasn’t easily recognizable to fans. At least, she thought she wasn’t until she saw someone with a plate of nachos in her hand going to sit against a wall and waving at her. Y/N turned around, wondering if she meant someone else, but once she saw the fan laugh, she sent a small wave back. She took that as her cue to leave in case others started to notice because Y/N’s sure the fan would be quick to spread the word as respectful as she was. 

As she crosses back backstage, she finds Jeff and Tom talking. They stop when they see her, bringing her in for a hug. 

“Hi, taking a tour, I see,” Jeff says, noting where she was coming from.

“Mhmm, was uh getting restless not being able to explore.” 

“Harder with two kids, huh.” Tom comments. 

Y/N laughs, “oh yeah, those two are curious. They got that from Harry. If they could, I’m sure they’d open every door backstage.” 

“Are they with H?” 

“Last I checked, unless he passed them off,” Y/N jokes. 

“Are you kidding? He’s wrapped around those two fingers. The only person he allows to take them is you because you’re his favorite person,” Jeff shares. 

“And their mother,” Tom chimes in.

Y/N is surprised at everything he’s saying because, for the longest time, she didn’t feel like it. She still doesn’t. 

“Honestly, we’re all glad you texted us. This is the happiest we’ve seen him.” Jeff mutters his agreement. 

Y/N frowns, “what do you mean?”

Tom and Jeff share a look before answering. “That he’s happy to be touring and on the road again, but….” 

“Come on, might as well tell me.” 

Tom sighs, “he comes off stage upset or tired and always heads to bed.”

“Are you saying he wants us here?” Y/N questions because it doesn’t make sense to her. 

“The last time he toured, who was the first person he went to after he ran off?” Jeff asked. 

“Me,” she whispered. “But he wanted this.” Y/N gestures to everything around her.

Jeff shrugs, “he did, but not like he was expecting.” 

Y/N sighs, running a hand down her face trying to take in this information. “I’m not uprooting my kids to follow him on tour. We’ve got stability. They’ve got a routine and a lot of family at home.” 

“We know you do,” Tom assures you.  “Harry raves about how amazing of a mother you are. He really feels that he’s failed. He failed you and the kids, but there’s nothing he can do now, not with a sold-out tour.”

“Hmm…he hasn’t told me. Or when we talk, it’s about the kid. I assumed–I don’t know, really. Feels like we lost him or that I did, at least.” Y/N didn’t think she’d share this with anyone other than her therapist, but she’s always trusted them. They’re her friends as well. 

As she walks away to find her children, she doesn’t know Harry is behind her, having heard every last word, having gone to get Lucy and Saylor an ice cream. It’s time to prove to Y/N that he was there for her. 

Harry loved his wife. Without her, he wouldn’t have his two biggest blessings. He wouldn’t know what it’s like to be loved. He wouldn’t have built a beautiful life without her, and he took that for granted. He took her heart and stored it away because he was too weak to ask for help. He left her alone for too long, but he would change that. He had to. There was no way he would lose her, not when he loved her with everything in him, his heart and soul belonged to her. 

______

The energy for tonight was on a new level; he knew it was because his family was in the audience. He was so happy that he decided to mention it, not allowing cameras to zoom their way because his children were not something he shared with fans or the media, something he and Y/N agreed on from the moment they found out she was pregnant with Saylor.

Harry kept an eye on them the entire night, sending them kisses and dancing their way. The minute he got off stage, an excited Saylor bounded into his sweaty arms while a sleepy Lucy was in Y/N’s arms fighting sleep. 

“Daddy! That was awesome.” Saylor yelled, letting Harry slip off his headphones as Harry settled him on his hip.

“Mhm, awesome,” Lucy mumbled, tucking her head deeper into Y/N’s shoulder. 

Harry laughs, “thank you, my loves.” He pressed a kiss to Saylor’s cheek and then to Lucy’s. “What did Mummy think?” 

“You were wonderful, H. Always a shining star up there,” Y/N leaned in and offered him a kiss on his cheek. Y/N swore she could see a blush on his cheeks as she pulled away. 

“Thank you.” Harry clears his throat, “how about we head to bed, huh?” 

“Please,” Lucy whispered, causing them all to laugh. 

It was the sweetest after-show reunion, and Harry laughed as he noticed cameras pointed in every direction from their team, having captured the special moment. “I’m expecting to see those photos in my messages tomorrow.” 

A course of “yes, boss” rang loud as Y/N and Harry helped their kids settle in their car seats, Lucy slowly falling asleep as they began the drive to the hotel. 

“Y/N?” Harry asked as they each worked on changing their children into their pajamas. Both children fell asleep on their way to the hotel. 

“Hmm…” 

“Thank you.” He starts, “for uh, coming tonight.” 

“Course, they really missed you.” 

“I missed them too.” They fall silent. “I missed you too, Y/N. So much.” 

Y/N flashes him a timid smile. “I missed you too.” 

After settling both children under the covers, Y/N flipped on the small lamp light and walked out, wanting to get undressed and to bed. She saw Harry in the bathroom and decided changing in the room would be better. She saw a shirt on the chair, and she swore it was hers, so she slipped it on and climbed under the covers, sighing as she felt herself sink into the king-sized bed. Y/N shut the lights off and closed her eyes. Y/N’s not sure how long had passed, but she felt Harry slipping in next to her. He scooted close to her but not enough to touch her, and a part of her was screaming at him to get closer, but she remained still. 

“Honey, do you think we can talk?” Harry asked, turning on the small lamp by the bedside. 

“Right now?” She blinked one eye open. Harry was lying on his side, staring at her. He shook his head no.

 “I, uh, was thinking maybe we can have dinner together tomorrow. Jeff offered to watch the kids.”

“Okay, H. That’s fine. I’m sure we can talk and have dinner with the kids too.”

“If you want, but uh,” Harry feels his throat tighten. He’s so nervous, “thought it could be a date.”

Y/N doesn’t do well hiding the surprise on her face. “A date?” 

He nodded, keeping his eyes locked with hers trying to see if he could see what she was feeling, but it was like staring at a wall. She was always so good at hiding her emotions. Harry let her think about it, the silence making his heart race until he saw her offer him the tiniest smile. 

“Okay, Harry. It’s a date.”

_______

“You look pretty, Mummy?” Lucy tells Y/N as she sees her finishing the application of her lipstick. Y/N had to sit Lucy in the sink as she had woken up practically clingy this morning; not that Y/N minded but having to do makeup with a toddler on her hip would not be easy. She was playing with the eyeshadow pallet, swiping it down her arms and gasping when she saw how shimmery it made her arms. 

“Think so?” Y/N presses a kiss to the top of Lucy’s head with nods enthusiastically 

“Promise,” she affirms, although it sounded more like ‘poise’ as Lucy still had not quite mastered her “R’s.”  

“Give me a kiss,” Lucy perked up, carefully turning around to not hurt herself. Y/N leaned down and let Lucy press a peck to Y/N’s lips. 

“Thanks, petal. You’re the sweetest.” Y/N lifts her up and sets Lucy on her hip. “Let’s go find Saylor and Daddy.” 

Lucy sighs, knowing she will say goodbye to her mum for the night. Walking out of the restroom, Y/N finds Harry sitting on the couch, flowers in his lap, with Saylor standing before him, taking his photo. Y/N cooed at the sight because Saylor recently learned to take pictures and took any opportunity to showcase his skills. 

“I see Saylor’s found a new muse,” Y/N laughs when Harry startles, jumping up from the couch, barely catching the flowers in his lap.

“Daddy!” Saylor scolds. 

“Sorry, lovie.” Harry turns to Y/N, his smile widening as he sees his two girls in front of him. “These are for you,” he extends the flowers for Y/N to take, but Lucy accepts them for her. 

“Pretty.” 

Y/N giggles, “very pretty.” 

“Are you ready to head out?” Harry asks as he watches Y/N set down Lucy, who runs to show Jeff the flowers. 

“Mhmm…all good.” 

“Petals, come give Mummy and Daddy a kiss,” Y/N calls for them, kneeling next to Harry to accept the two running toddlers into her open arms. She would have fallen back by the force they rushed into her if Harry didn’t have a hold on her. She shoots him a grateful smile as she presses three kisses each to Saylor and Lucy before passing them over to Harry, who promises to take good care of Mummy. 

Y/N walks out, and together they head down the hall. She feels nervous because this dinner has the power to break her or mend her heart. It was only a matter of time until she finds out.

______

Harry brought her to a family restaurant. It wasn’t a stuffy, uptight restaurant like she was expecting because Harry knew she never liked those restaurants that gave people food portions so small that it never filled a person up. Y/N grins as he pushes her chair in. She is still recovering from Harry opening her car door and offering her his arm. He’s the gentleman he was for the entirety of their relationship until she lost him. 

The conversation is slow, primarily focused on the tour and their kids. Y/N laughs when she realizes this feels like a first date, this was how nervous she was in Jamaica after he approached her asking for the chance to take her on a date, but she said no because she was on holiday and lucky for her, he was as well. After learning more about him and falling for his charm, she said yes, and she would not change a thing because it brought her back to him.

Harry is the one to steer the conversation bringing up how he’s been doing. He has bad days, but they aren’t awful where he shuts down. He shares about his therapist and how comfortable he feels talking to someone, that he went too long holding in all his feelings. Y/N feels guilty, and Harry knows that. He reminds her it’s not her fault, that she did the best they could by putting their children first. It made him feel safe knowing that Saylor and Lucy were being taken care of by someone who would lay their life down for them. 

“Do–would you be up for couple’s therapy?” 

Y/N gestures for him to explain. 

“Marina says that it’s important we talk about this as a neutral place, and a therapist is a good place to start. We both went through a hard time, and it’s important we talk about everything that happened.”

She agrees, “we can do that.” 

“Good, uh, thank you.”

“Saylor started seeing a therapist.” 

Harry’s eyes widened in surprise, “because of me?”

Y/N grimaces, “he had a hard time seeing you connect more with him and Lucy through a phone, and there was only so much I could do alone.”

She sees him deflate, “H, don’t take all the blame, don’t let it sink you.” 

He sniffles, “I hurt him. I hurt you all.” 

“Saylor’s healing. We all are. You’re making an effort,” she assures him.

“I want to be a better father and partner.”

Y/N nods, but something is nagging at the back of her mind. “Jeff mentioned extending the tour.” 

And he sighs. It’s true. 

“Summer tour. In Europe.”

“Mhm…” 

“Would–” he fumbles, trying to find the words. “I know work is important, and our kids are priority number one but would you be up to joining me in the summer?”

“Summer on tour?” She repeats. 

“The kids aren’t in school, and if you’re able to use some time off with us for even a week or two, uh, I miss you all so much when I’m away.”

“You really want us there?”

“Course I do. Think I played my best show last night having you all there.” It’s what everyone has been telling her that it was his best show since his return. 

“I’m—so– confused.” 

“Of what, lovie?” Harry thought he had put everything out in the open.

“You didn’t ask us to visit you. Or ask us to go on tour with you. You just left, H, and that hurt as much as having you home and ignoring us,” Y/N pours her heart out to him. 

He drops his head, letting out a deep breath. “You’ve always reminded me that you wanted to give Lucy and Saylor stability. Me being selfish to bring you out would have—I thought it would make you think I was careless and only thought about myself.” 

“You put them first.”

“They have always come first. I just honestly got lost. Marina, my therapist, said that after giving up something I’ve known basically all my life, I wasn’t ready to let it go like I said I was. And all my repressed feelings took over.”

“They’re the priority Harry, promise me?” 

Harry agrees, “they’re my priority but so are you.” 

She stays silent for a moment, before nodding. “We can talk to the kids tomorrow and ask them how they feel about touring with you for the summer.”

Harry’s eyes brighten, “just them? 

She shakes her head. “If they’re a yes, so am I,” she tells him.

“Do you still love me?” Harry asks. 

She sighs, “Harry.” 

“I love you, Y/N. I will always love you, and I’m sorry I made you doubt my love but never again. I’ll prove it to you every day. I just need to know if I have a chance.” Harry pleads, and Y/N believes every single word. 

“Of course I do. I’d let you break my heart ten times over if it means I get the chance to love you.” 

Y/N sees his eyes well up with tears and leans close to catch a tear that falls down his face. “You love me?” 

“I love you,” she confirms. 

“I love you, too. Never stopped loving you, just got lost.”

Y/N and Harry settle in comfortable silence. She scoots her chair closer to him, reaching for his hand and intertwining it with hers. Harry squeezes tight before bringing it to his lips and giving her a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. 

“Never going to stop. Heart beats for you as much as it does for Saylor and Lucy.” Y/N confessed, needing him to know that it has always been him. 

“I love you, Y/N. I have loved you since our first date in Jamaica, and I’ll never stop reminding you. I know I stopped for some time and made you question me but never again.  It’s always you. It will always be you.” 

And she believed him.

Everything wasn’t perfect, far from it, but there’s a clear path in front of them that Y/N and Harry look forward to taking together.

_____

thank for you reading!!!!

taglist: @pracstyles @theekyliepage @nightskyladylights @daniellef89x @qualitygiantshoepsychic @harrysgoldenbum @swiftmendeshoran @crazygirlinthisworld @loversgothumour @a-strange-familiar @be-with-me-so-happily @babyiamperfectforyou

[the-holy-ghosted]

Girls will say "this is my beautiful wife" and their beautiful wife is just a weird looking man

[kattheerat]

I have NO clue what this game is about, but I watched a friend play it for a few minutes and this is what I noticed

[nitefise-art]

a twitter follower suggested Victorian outfits and I got carried away

[oldbookshop]

Our whole lifetime, that Doctor that first met the Toymaker never, ever stopped. Put on trial. Exiled. Key to Time. All the devastation of Logopolis. (Adric.) Adric. River Song. All the people we lost. Sarah Jane has gone, can you believe that for a second? (I loved her.) I loved her. And Rose. But the Time War, Pandorica, Mavic Chen. We fought the Gods of Ragnarok, and we didn't stop for a second to say, what the hell?

DOCTOR WHO | The Giggle

[aeteut]

sirius and regulus, the most beautiful stars in the night sky.

By likeafunerall, and reposted with permission.

[wordsarelife]

—the game

pairing: mattheo riddle x fem!reader

summary: after one night with you, mattheo can't help but want more. sadly, you aren't the type for relationships: “that you no longer are, what you used to be, ever since you bared your skin for me”

warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex, angst

notes: get ready for angsty and soft mattheo riddle who is an absolute simp for you lmao, very angsty but with a happy ending :)

inspired by ‘the game’ by annett louisan

that you no longer are what you used to be ever since you bared your skin for me

"are you alright?" you were laying on the side, observing mattheo's face. he wasn't looking at you, keeping his eyes on the ceiling.

"y-yes" he breathed lowly and for the first time in ever, he didn't seem as cocky and arrogant.

"cool" you shrugged. you were just trying to be nice, he wasn't your boyfriend or anything, so his mood wasn't really your problem. you threw back the cover and got out of the bed, tapping across the room to collect your clothes.

"where are you going?" he asked, sitting up. his eyes followed your every move.

"to my room?" you wondered, why he was asking.

"oh" he leaned against the bedframe, taking out a pack of cigarettes. "do you want one?"

"what?" you laughed in disbelief "do i look like a hooker to you?"

"no" he shook his head. you watched him for a few more seconds, before you stepped into your skirt and put your sweater on. "bye, mattheo" you smiled mischievously, before you left the room.

that you′ve lost your head in a single night and you're seeing things in another light

he didn't know yet, but that very night, you left a loneliness in him that he had never felt before. it seemed like ever since he got undressed for you, he wasn't how he used to be.

when you would see him around hogwarts he was often staring at you, thinking.

"you're staring again" theo elbowed mattheo. the classroom was quite big and you were sitting across from him, whispering with your friend.

"huh?" mattheo looked up at theo.

"she might notice" theo reminded "you're not invisible, matt"

"sure" mattheo shrugged his shoulder.

theo was the only one of his friends who had noticed the change in mattheo's character. he was acting unusal, especially because he hadn't hooked up with anyone in the last few weeks. he didn't have the courage to ask him about it yet, but he knew it had something to do with him always staring at you.

mattheo had been interested in sleeping with you for a long time. he had thought just getting it over with would stop his bubbling obsession, but it seemed to have made it worse. he wasn't used to desire someone like that, especially not after he had slept with them.

there was nothing new for him to see and still he wanted to do it again. for him it was like every single girl had suddenly disappeared. there was only you. sitting across from him. in a different light. and that scared him deeply.

during dinner theo had finally stopped making comments. mattheo was thankful for that, but he still tried to stray away from watching you, even if his eyes seemed to automatically find you.

"hey" blaise sat down on the bench in front of mattheo, successfully blocking his sight on you.

"hi" mattheo and theo chorused, before they continued eating. well, theo did, mattheo was just pushing food around on his plate.

"okay" blaise said "what's wrong with you both?"

mattheo send theo a look, who sighed "nothing"

"i should've stayed with pansy and draco" blaise muttered, nodding his head at the two sitting a few spots down. "even if they're hardcore flirting, at least that was some what interesting"

"wohoo!" enzo sat down next to blaise "the party can start!" he announced dramatically. mattheo rolled his eyes at the boy. blaise was annoying on his own, but the combination with enzo was nothing mattheo could take today.

it had been a month without sex and mattheo was feeling the effect.

"are we in a bad mood today?" enzo teased.

"fuck off" mattheo shoved his plate away and crossed his arms, bending his head down.

"hey" a soft voice made the boys look up. you were standing next to mattheo, who quickly scrumbled to his feet.

"hi" he said "how are you?"

"i'm fine" you smiled, sending an irritated look to enzo, whose eyes grew big as he recognized you. "is your friend alright?" you asked mattheo.

mattheo turned around and knew immediately who you were talking about. enzo was flailing his hands dramatically, hitting blaise on the shoulder over and over again, as if that would be enough to transfer his thoughts. "ignore him" mattheo tried his best to smile at you effortlessly, but was nervous about the reason you were talking to him in the first place.

"okay" you stretched, focusing on the boy in front of you again. "you forgot your notebook" you held it in his direction and he tried to hide his disappointment.

"oh" he nodded "thank you" you send him a last smile, before you turned around and walked back to your table

"that was horrible" theo muttered in mattheos direction, when he sat down again. before he could answer anything, enzo broke into a giggle.

"what's going on with you, you moron?" blaise looked at enzo in disgust and slid a bit to the side, rubbing his arm, that was probaly blue now after enzo had hit it multiple times.

"that's the girl!" enzo blabbled "from the party! the one you took back to the dorm!" he pointed his finger at mattheo. it seemed like enzo enjoyed knowing something secretive for the first time. normally he would be the last to hear about his friends flings.

"and?" mattheo shrugged, acting nonchalantly.

"yeah" blaise shrugged "she isn't the first and probably won't be the last, am i right?"

mattheo nodded relucantly and theo wiped his face with one hand, trying to hide his expression.

"hey mattheo" annie, a slytherin mattheo was sitting next to in potions, slid in on the bench next to him. he had been pursuing her for a few weeks, before he had slept with you.

"hi" mattheo replied absentmindedly.

blaise and enzo exchanged a confused look. theo shrugged. and mattheo? he seemed to be utterly uninterested in talking to annie any further. he turned his head away from the girl and she opened her mouth, but before anything could come out of it, blaise entered the non existent conversation.

"i'm good at sex too, sweetheart" he send her a smug smile, followed by a wink, while wiggling his eyebrows.

theo tried to hide his face, ashamed at what his friend was babbling and annie wrinkled her nose, looking at blaise disgusted.

"what?" she asked and then turned to mattheo "aren't you going to say anything?"

mattheo shrugged and took a sip from his water. annie shook her head outraged and got up. "arrogant asshole" she threw her head back and walked off.

that because of me you would leave a love and now I'm all you're dreaming of

"what was that?" enzo asked and even he seemed to be irritated now.

"what do you mean?" mattheo acted like he didn't have a clue what his friend was talking about.

"annie" blaise exclaimed, pointing in the direction the girl had just left. "you wanted to tap that ever since the school year started"

"you just ruined your progress" enzo added.

"i don't care" mattheo got up. his eyes caught yours across the hall. you smiled at him, before you continued your conversation with a boy, mattheo had never seen before, who was obviously flirting with you "i don't want her anymore"

blaise and enzo turned around. blaise clasped a hand over his mouth as soon as he realized what was going on.

"the girl from the party?" enzo asked confused, he was a bit slower.

"y/n" mattheo corrected, burying his hands in the pockets of his trousers

"what about her" blaise elbowed enzo. hard. "ow! blaise!"

"just look at him" theo muttered and mattheo didn't even hear his friends talking anymore. he was too focused on you and that boy, focused how you touched his arm and threw your head back from laughter. a month ago it had been mattheo talking with you like that. now you were the only thing that mattered to him and it seemed he couldn't be more irrelevant to you.

"shit" enzo mumbled as he realized. mattheo took that as his cue to leave and do something about his pathetic situation.

"can we talk?" he asked and you looked up at him confused.

"we're sort of in the middle of something" the unknown boy said. mattheo ignored him, sending you a pleading look.

"sure" you agreed, excusing yourself and following mattheo out of the hall and into an abondened classroom.

"so, what did you want to talk about?" you crossed your arms, leaning you back against one of the tables.

"you're driving me crazy, y/n" he quickly said and you raised your eyebrows. "i can't get you off my mind, ever since that night"

"oh" you simply said "i didn't want to mislead you, mattheo"

that dismal to be when every now and then someone else i′ll see again, it wasn't planned that you now feel like one of many

he sighed, his hand running through his curls. he stepped closer and the worried look on your face was making him go feral, the way you looked up to him through thick lashes, your hair, your smell, everything about you. his hand cupped your cheek softly, his thumb brushing along your lip.

"mattheo" you muttered. you didn't know that he was thinking more of that night "i thought we both agreed that this was just a simple hook up"

"it's not simple anymore" mattheo whispered and his breath fanned over your skin, making you perk up and inch closer. but you had to control yourself. it would be different for you than for him, you didn't want to take advantage of his feelings. "i want you to myself, all of you" he said and confirmed your worries.

"mattheo" you pleaded again. you touched his cheek. and his skin felt like it was burning under your touch. "i don't want to be someone's girlfriend" you muttered and you could see the hurt in his eyes.

"i can't bear to see you with him" he admitted "not with anyone"

"i didn't want you to feel like one of many" you said softly. he let go of your cheek and you took his face in both of your hands. "we can do it again" you looked into his eyes "but it's not like that for me"

"i don't care" mattheo crashed his lips to yours. he lifted you up on the table behind you, deepening the kiss and opening your ponytail with a quick gesture. he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. you stroke his cheek and he smiled, tears shimmering in his eyes. "be mine. just for now"

"okay" you said and you felt worse at the smile that appeared on his face.

he nodded. "okay"

that you fall in love, because we do it. that it affects you so much i did not know that

mattheo climbed on top of you, pushing you down on the table and both of you knew that this was a volatile arrangement. you would keep your promise, but he knew you weren't his. he ignored that as he opened your bra and littered your collarbone with kisses.

you looked up to the ceiling and felt the guilt bubble inside of you. this felt wrong. and you were scared that mattheo was confusing lust with love. after all you weren't the type for relationships and you had thought he wasn't either.

you both parted ways after that night in the classroom. you kept out of his way out of guilt. and he kept away from you in the hope that whatever he was feeling was finally going to disappear.

halloween came and went and mattheo felt himself indulge in meaningless hookups, just like before he had been with you, but it wasn't the same. it felt wrong, like a duty he couldn't fulfill.

you weren't able to forget the feeling of the touch of his skin. the way it burned under your hand. they way nobody elses skin had ever burned under your touch. not like that atleast.

it took less than a week for a note to find you and for you to return to the abandoned classroom during nightfall. it made your heart burn to see him like that. desperate for your warmth. that night he took you out of the castle and while you were laying on the grass and watching his features shine under the stars, you had almost wanted to cry.

the sight of him saddened you and made you wish to give him all he was longing for. but you couldn't and mattheo knew that, but that night you were his for a short time once again.

you decided that this was going to be the last time. you would break it off the next time he would send a note. seeing the hurt in his eyes broke you more and more. especially when he tried to advert his eyes from you around the castle. as if he was constantly telling himself off for liking you the way he did.

leave it be, i can't deal, i have too much respect for how you feel

he was waiting for you when you arrived the next night. the glint of hope, any time you came to your secret meetings made everything so much worse.

"we have to stop doing this" you got right to the point.

mattheo's face fell. "what?"

"this isn't doing you any good" you admitted "i can't bear to hurt you"

"okay" he said "then don't go"

"it will hurt so much more if i don't go now"

he shook his head "you don't know that"

"i do" you assured unwillingly "it's not the same for me, matty"

"you don't feel anything?" he muttered, gently touching your face "does this do nothing to you at all?"

"not in the way you would want" you looked to the ground, trying to avoid his eyes. "i don't do commitment"

mattheo stepped back from you and nodded bitterly. "yeah" he shrugged. "why would you?"

you saw the tears glistening in his eyes. "i have too much respect for you and the way you feel than to play with you like that"

"don't say that" he shook his head and adverted his eyes.

"i'm sorry, matty, i truly am" you tried to grab his hand, but he moved backwards "but what did you expect? i told you the truth from the beginning"

"i know" he pushed his hair back, looking from the ground to your eyes "i thought, maybe, if this was going on for longer, you would eventually like me like that"

this was it. this was the moment your heart broke. he was looking at you and a single tear slipped down his cheek. in that moment you truly regretted ever coming close to him.

"you don't want that" you promised "you don't want to know me in a way that's more than for a night"

"i do" he argued "of course i want that"

"i will just let you down, matty"

"don't be ridiculous" he grabbed your shoulders

"loving me is not easy" you said loudly, trying to escape his hold.

"i know" he admitted "it's fucking hell"

you looked up at him in surprise. "you don't know what you're saying" you turned your body away from him with a sudden movement. "you don't love me. you can't love me"

"you'd be surprised at how much" he said softly. you turned around and looked at his face. you had known that he wanted more from you than you were able to give him.. but love? you had initially thought that whatever it was that made him dream of you, would be forgotten in less than a week. at least that was what had happened with any guy that claimed to like you before.

"i love you" he said, more clearly. "so much"

you couldn't allow yourself to hope. you couldn't take his words seriously. you shook your head and his smile died once again. whatever part of him had hoped to convince you was crashed and burning by now. "it will go away"

he watched in dispair as you silently left the room, without looking at him. he sank down on the table behind him, burying his face in his hands. what he didn't know was that you were doing the exact same right outside the classroom.

the next morning during breakfast you felt burned out by how much you had cried that night. your eyes felt puffy and your voice was hoarse. you ignored the conversations your friends were having around you, even if you got talked to. instead your eyes were fixated on the empty spot next to theo nott.

theo, who had noticed your look, send you a sympathic smile and shrugged his shoulders, making it obvious that he knew as much as you about mattheo's absence.

you got up from your seat aprublty, leaving the hall quickly and ignoring your friends questions. you took the fastest way to the astronomy tower you knew. you couldn't sit at the table and act like everything was normal. you wanted to be alone.

you let you legs dangle, the pole inbetween them securing your seating.

"seems like we both had the same idea" a sudden voice pulled you from your thoughts. you looked up. mattheo was standing at the stairs. you got up from your place.

"i'll leave" you assured him. after yesterday, you felt like it was your duty to give him space. he wasn't the problem, you were. and you didn't want to cause him any more harm.

"you don't have to" mattheo shrugged and you noticed that he was lying. he would rather have you leave again then look at you while knowing you would never reciprocate the way he did it.

"it's fine" you smiled, but it wasn't genuine. you walked past him, but unintentionally stumbled and almost fell down the stairs. he reacted quickly and caught your arm.

he let go of you after he had stabilized your footing.

"thank you" you mumbled

he ignored it. "maybe you should go to madam pomfrey, your arm is burning hot"

you perked up at that. "what?" you whispered.

"your arm is burning hot" he repeated, assuming you just hadn't heard him.

you looked at him in disbelief, remembering how his skin used to feel under your touch, and how the reason behind it all had been simple and plain love.

but you had to know for sure. you pulled your blouse from your skirt, quickly unbuttoning the last buttons. you pulled it up, so that your skin was bare. "can you touch me there?" you asked and mattheo's eyes widened.

"what the fuck?" he wondered.

"can you just do it, please?" you asked again and he sighed, but softly touched you. "is it hot?"

"your skin or this situation?"

"the skin" your face reddened.

mattheo nodded and frowned. "alarmingly, actually"

"open your shirt" you directed and to your surprise, he did like you had asked without the slightest hesitation.

you pressed you hand against his chest quickly. his skin was burning underneath it. you smiled.

"touch my face" mattheo cupped your cheeks. he nodded silently, confirming that your face was as hot as the rest of your body.

your smile grew even bigger and mattheo smiled back hesitantely, still confused at what was going on. "can i hug you?" you asked.

mattheo nodded and opened his arms for you to step in. for the first time you were doing something that didn't involve sexual lust. you breathed in his smell of nicotine and perfume and you wondered how something so simple could be so special. you stepped back and you knew that you were now seeing things in a different light, everything, even him.

"i'm probably not good at it" you admitted "but i think i'm in love with you"

mattheo smiled at you and laughed. "you were teribble at it, yeah" he grinned "so there is much room for improvement"

you giggled, but quickly grew serious again "i'm not good at being committed"

"me either" he said and stepped closer, taking your face in his hands once again. "but we will manage, we can learn together" he promised and kissed you softly. both of your lips were burning up.

"that sounds like a plan" you smiled, touching his cheeks with your fingers "but it will be hard to love me" you looked down.

"i don't care" mattheo crashed his lips to yours. he drew you close to his body, deepening the kiss and squeezing your waist in a way that made you squeek in surprise. he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. you stroke his cheek and he smiled, happy tears shimmering in his eyes. "be mine. for longer than now"

"okay" you nodded and you felt butterflies errupting at the smile that appeared on his face.

he nodded and you mirrored his smile. "okay"

[pearlynia]

Sirius Black would wear a shirt that says "best dogfather ever" at Harry's birthday because him and James thinks it's hilarious and would laugh their ass off.

[emetitur]

waiting for low tide - one of my favourite disco elysium moments

[wewrutuwertrer]

[gucciwins]

why is daddy sad?

a simple question...yet why is it so hard for Y/N to answer

A/N: you asked for more angst dad harry and well i'm here to deliver. i was suppose to be working on a report but this idea came to mind and i hope you give it a read. would love to hear your thoughts. love you 🫶

Word count: 1572

Warnings: angst (all sad)

Masterlist

_____

“Why is Daddy always sad?” Saylor, Y/N’s, and Harry’s five-year-old asked. 

Y/N wishes her son couldn’t notice the sadness displayed on their father’s face.

It has been two years since Harry decided to stop touring and instead focus on songwriting for others. He made the choice because he wanted to be here to see his children grow up. He wanted to stop missing milestones and instead learn to be here for them all. Y/N told him he didn’t need to, but he was adamant it happened. 

She knew he was choosing them, but she never wanted to feel like he had to. The first year was bliss. Harry spent it at home with Saylor and Lucy. He became the stay-at-home dad while you worked as a publisher and got promoted to publishing manager in the last year.

 Life was good. 

At least it was for a while. Soon, the trips got shorter. The writing sessions became longer. Harry attending his child’s event became nonexistent; before they knew it, he became a ghost. 

He lived among them, no longer the cheerful dad becoming the quiet dad who gave no single input. He no longer lived to make his children laugh. He was there, but why did it seem they had lost him?

For Y/N to know that Saylor has noticed how distant he has become, she must do something. She has no idea where to start, but she has an idea of someone always ready to help. 

_____

Lucy slowly walked up the steps holding onto the railing as her parents taught her. She made the short walk to the end of the hallway, her mermaid plushy in hand. She pushed the door open, finding the person she was searching for, her father sitting on his leather couch filled with pillows, notebooks opened on the table. 

“Daddy?” 

Harry turned his head at the sound of a small voice. “Hi, Luce.” 

“Can you play with me?” 

He sighed, dropping the notebook in his hand. “Not right now.”

“Why?” A simple question for a four-year-old. 

“I’m busy.” 

“But Daddy,” 

“No, Lucy.” 

Lucy’s shoulders drop, and her eyes well up with tears. Her father didn’t bother picking up his head to notice he hurt her feelings. She hurries out of the room and into her brother’s room because he always makes her feel better. 

At dinner, it’s quieter than usual. Y/N sees her children whisper to each other but never look up from their plates. Harry eats quietly until he notices Lucy not eating her vegetables. 

“Lucy, can’t ignore your veggies.” He points out to Y/N’s plate. “Mummy’s eating all of hers.” 

Lucy ignores him, purposely pushing the veggies further away to the edge of her plate. Harry puts his fork down, “Lucy Anne, please.”

“Lucy is upset with you, Dad. Please don’t talk to her like that.” Saylor speaks up, shocking both Y/N and Harry. 

“What do you mean, Saylor?” Y/N asks, not understanding what happened in the short time she was away buying groceries earlier in the day. 

“Dad made Luce cry and did not apologize.” Saylor looks down at Lucy holding her hand tight, while she looks down at her plate. In times like these, Y/N wondered what she did right to have such exceptional children but what they did wrong to be bad parents.

“Lucy, do you want to tell me what happened?” 

Lucy looks up, meeting her mother’s gentle gaze, and nods her head. “Penny and I wanted Dad to play with us, but he used his mean voice to tell me no.” 

Y/N spares Harry a look who hasn’t looked away from Lucy. No sign that he was going to make an apology. Instead, he excuses himself, stating he had a phone call to make. 

“Luce, baby. I’m sorry he spoke to you like that. Sometimes Dad can get busy. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Y/N tries to assure her daughter, who has now climbed into her clap. 

“I miss Daddy playing with me.” She confesses. 

Y/N feels her heartbreak, but there is nothing she could do about how Harry decides to act, but she does know her children deserve better. 

“Tell you what, after dinner, I’ll play with you if you want, and I’ll speak with your dad, alright, pumpkin?” 

Lucy nods, giving Y/N a big kiss before munching on the last pieces of carrots she had left before walking her plate over to the sink with her brother’s help. 

There was a conversation to be had. 

______

That night as Y/N began to settle for bed, she knew she had to speak with Harry. She hesitated knocking on the bedroom door, but the room no longer felt theirs. It just felt his. 

She walked in a few seconds after hearing a faint come in. The room looked the same. Her side of the bed looked the same except for a missing photo of them on their first date at a fair where Harry had won her a stuffed banana plushie that now lived in their son’s room. The frame now sat on Harry’s bedside. 

“Harry,”

He sighs, “I know. I messed up.” 

“You’re a good father. Luce is only four. She wears her heart on her sleeve. You know that.” 

“I was busy.” 

“I’m sure you were, but you could have spoken to her differently.” Y/N reminds him. 

Harry tries to push the blame onto her, “it’s hard when they’re constantly walking into my office.” 

She shakes her head, “don’t blame me, Harry.” 

“Y/N–”

“You said you wanted this. That you wanted this life.” You reminded him. “That you wanted a home office to be close to our children for when they needed you–for when I needed you.”

“I’m not so sure anymore,” he whispers, breaking Y/N’s heart. 

With nothing else to say, she leaves Harry in their bedroom and searches for her children needing the comfort of their love. The two people could make her smile no matter what she felt. It seems that a lot has changed even for her because that used to be Harry, and now she tiptoes her feelings around him.

The following days are quiet. Saylor eats each meal with no questions to either of his parents. At age four, Lucy was oblivious to it, carrying the conversation with Y/N’s occasional answer or question, having forgotten about what had happened days before. Harry sits glum at the table each day while Y/N tries her best to swallow all her tears until she tucks herself into the guest room, where she allows herself to cry in the quiet of the room. 

Y/N had dropped off the kids with Gemma as she wanted to take them to the zoo. That meant it gave her time to speak with Harry. She arrived home to find him watching a documentary in the living room. 

“Harry, I’m back.” She calls out. 

He pauses his film because even with the distance in their relationship, he can still pick up when she needs his attention. 

“Talked with Jeff,” Y/N tells Harry.

“What for?” 

Y/N sighs. “I don’t like that you’re not happy. That you–you resent us for choices made years ago, but if there’s something we can do, then I had to try.” 

Harry frowns, “what are you saying?” 

She places a folder on Harry’s lap, and with the left hand that now only holds the gold wedding band Y/N put on his finger six years ago, he flips it open. Inside is a tour flyer reading: Harry Styles The Disco Tour: It’s time to dance again. 

“I don’t know if we fit in the picture, but we’ll always love you.” 

“What is this?” 

“Jeff says the team is ready to prepare for a tour if you're open to the idea. You can start in Europe and work up from there, but he said it’s clear you’d have a sold-out world tour if that’s what you wanted.” 

Harry looks at the papers in disbelief. It’s potential schedules, shows, and an album release if that is what he wanted. All the plans laid out for him. All he had to do was decide. 

“Do you know—this is crazy!” Harry tells her, setting the papers on the coffee table. “I–I”

“Don’t make the decision right now.” Y/N sighs and reaches for his hand squeezing it tight. “Family aside, do what makes you happy.” 

Y/N walks away, knowing that this would change their lives, hopefully for the better. Maybe once Harry found himself again, he would find his family. 

And it’s to no surprise two months later, Harry was pulling the suitcases out, filling them with clothes he had an opening show in Los Angeles soon. It sold out in minutes, to no one’s surprise. It was the first time in months she saw the glimmer of a smile on his face. As Harry prepared to say goodbye to his family, he felt a pang of regret for making them feel like he didn’t love them because that wasn’t the case. He loved them, but he also loved performing. It seemed that he couldn’t live with just one. Now he’d have to find how to balance being a pop star, a father, and a husband, but he felt he could make it work. 

He had to. 

[elysianymph]

james is very fascinated by muggle cameras. lily and regulus notice this of course and lily pitches an idea: to get james a camera for his birthday. they save up the money they need for a higher quality camera and wrap it up in a fancy box and present it to him on his birthday. the smile james gives them is worth every penny they spent.

they expected the obsession that came after. james took his camera everywhere, always taking pictures, not just of the the scenery or himself, but of his friends and family and most importantly of lily and regulus. what they didn't expect was that james had all of their photos printed and compiled them into an album, decorated it and drew little hearts and stars and flowers on it and wrote down little notes of what had happened the day the photos were taken. he revealed this album to them on their anniversary as a shared gift.

some of the many pictures james has taken of his lovers:

[my-castles-crumbling]

Completely Normal

based on an anonymous request

"You what?" Remus nearly yelled, looking back and forth between Sirius and James, his mouth agape.

"Guys kiss their friends, like, to practice for girls. It's normal," James shrugged.

Remus narrowed his eyes, still trying to take in the information that two of his best friends had kissed. More than once. "Normal," he scoffed. Not much about Sirius and James was normal, after all.

But Sirius just grinned and leaned towards him. "Yeah. Want to see?"

And suddenly, Remus's brain was short-circuiting. He couldn't remember how to breathe or think. Or nod.

But somehow, Sirius must have realized that he was okay with whatever he was offering, because their lips touched softly, and Remus felt himself gasp.

It was not friendly. He felt his stomach flip-flop and his cheeks turn pink, and he resisted the urge to raise his hand to grab at Sirius's cheek and deepen the kiss. But thankfully, miraculously, Sirius did that for him, and before Remus could think, their tongues were swiping against each other, Sirius's breath hot in Remus's mouth and Remus's entire body on fire.

Suddenly, just as Remus considered wrapping his arms around Sirius's waist, Sirius almost jumped back, panting, eyes wide, looking shocked and a bit confused.

After a deep breath, however, Sirius murmured the words that made Remus's heart sink: "See? Erm...completely normal."

[bluastro-yellow]

Kurvitz stresses that Kim doesn't actually have a character sheet hidden in Disco Elysium's code. Imagining that Lieutenant Kitsuragi has only one natural attribute point in Motorics helps the ZA/UM team to understand the depth of his character beyond what's referenced in the game's dialogue. "We just came up with this stuff for coherency," says Kurvitz. "And because we're nerds."

"I like to think Kim has a Thought Cabinet project called Revolutionary Aerostatic Brigades that he's worked on since he was a teenager," Kurvitz says. "This raises the learning caps for his Reaction Speed and Interfacing."

Kim's high Volition skill makes him impervious to prying, Kurvitz says, as the detective can find out on occasions being met with Kim's brick-wall resolve. Kim often chastises these whims of the detective's, but will occasionally play along. The Lieutenant finds his new partner funny, says Kurvitz.

Kim is naturally shit at Motorics and thinks Harry is funny source

[faoluoo]

see me in your dreams

alternative and close up under cut hnnggh

[jittery-wisp]