#he also had memory issues ? he stayed the night at my house because ?? i actually don’t know but i did know he had memory issues

[borathae]

The Consequences of Fucking Up

“Your break up was messy and painful. All you want to do is to forget about him. His friends, who ever since you ended it with Yoongi see you as their bullying target, make sure that the memory of him stays fresh in your mind however, haunting you day by fucking day. While Yoongi makes it seem as if he gives no fuck about your situation. Until one night he is in front of your door. Drunk and fucking regretful.”

♥️ Requested by anonie ♥️

Pairing: Gangster!Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Exes!AU, Messy Break-Up!AU, Crime!AU, Cop!AU, Hurt and Comfort, Angst, Smut, a lil bit of Fluff

Wordcount: 15.9k

Warnings: lowkey they're bad for each other, but also somehow so right?, OC is such a people hater, I feel like she has mental health issues which are never addressed tbfh, she is quite the pessimist, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes & weed (listen. i hate smoking and stand by that but it sadly fits their characters), Yoongi is kinda apathetic and cold, or is he??, IS HE???, implied violence and murder, corrupt cops & lawyers, policeman!Jungkook makes an appearance and he stole my heart tbfh :(, he is so cute that i almost sobbed, drugdealer!Hoseok makes an appearance too, there is also detective!Namjoon and smuggler!Taehyung because I love this vibe :); abuse of power, fuck Yoongi just fuck he is so ngngn, slightly protective & possessive!Yoongi, intoxicated sex, desperate!Yoongi, no foreplay, but she is not uncomfortable, choking (m.receiving), rough desperate sex, position change from sex against a sofa to missionary on said sofa, a lil bit of strength kink hihi, he cums too soon, dirty talk, tears :'), he is actually so emotional during the sex, the ending is so cheesy and cute <3, Spoiler: he is willing to change!! and he is a cutie actually, jsjsjsj sorry but i love yoongi a lot :(

Disclaimer: This is purely fiction and isn't like my usual stories. It does not portray how the boys actually are and it is not how I see them. This is a work of fiction with no correlation to real life. The type of relationships depicted in this story are far from how I normally portray my relationships and I do not advertise for such relationhips or staying in such relationships. This story is supposed to be twisted and dark & so are the relationships in it, as well as the characters. You have been warned. If you decide to continue reading, then it is out of your own free will.

a/n: now that the disclaimer is out of the way i can officially bark because woof woof fuckkcc anonie thank you so much for this idea. i had the worst and best time writing this story like nfnfnf her mental state was definitely very difficult to write, but their tension just got to me. i made the ending as cute and fluffy as possible just as you wanted hihi <3 also i love villian characters who would set the whole world on fire just to prove their dedication :) i hope this is what you imagined, because i kinda made it longer and with more plot than i planned to at first sjjsjs i couldn't be stopped jsjsj ALSO this is giving me the perfect opportunity to finally write a Kook request I got years ago ohoho

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

Three months prior

“So you’re breaking up with me?” he asks, gawking at you with widened eyes. He looks more surprised than he does hurt. Probably because it hasn’t actually sunk in yet.

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.” He laughs because he never takes anything seriously.

“Yes. I am.”

“Too bad, I won’t act like it.”

“Yeah, you will.”

He laughs, “you’ve had better jokes, but I still admire the commitment.”

“You see. That’s the problem with you. Everything’s a fucking joke to you.”

He is smiling. It reaches his eyes.

“Your job, your men. Me. Everything’s a fucking joke to you. If you would have taken Sukuna’s thread seriously, Soojin would still be alive. If you didn’t fucking insult Miss Mei, you wouldn’t have lost twenty thousand in drugs and you wouldn’t have to fucking kiss asses like a beggar.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore.

“If you would have put any kind of effort into me, I wouldn’t be leaving now. You take everything as a joke, while in reality you are the biggest joke here.”

His smile falls. You stood up and that actually scared him. 

“Wait baby, wait. Princess, we can talk about this”, he argues, closing the distance with his arms stretched open. “I’ll fix the issue with Miss Mei, I promise.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m done talking. Soojin died because of your recklessness.” 

Yoongi touches your hands. He holds them, clutches them. You have never felt such a touch from him before. As if he actually loved you. 

“What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it”, he offers, caressing your knuckles. 

This is what you craved for months. Affection. Attention. You were always a passing thought to him. Something to fuck and possess. Something low maintenance like all his other shit. His current touch almost makes you want to stay because for the briefest moment, your breaking heart wants to believe that he finally changed. 

But you know better. He doesn’t take you seriously and if you stay, you will one day end up like Soojin. Metaphorically or not, you will end up dead because of him. 

“There is nothing you can do. Sorry.”

You slip out of his touch.

“Baby”, Yoongi follows you with panicked eyes, trying to touch you again.

“Goodbye, Min Yoongi.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

You close the door and run, finally letting the tears escape. 

You love him.

You always have and perhaps always will. 

You don’t want to leave, but know that staying will kill you. 

One week passes. You spent it holed up in your small, shitty apartment, crying your heart out. Yoongi was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you and you miss him. You hate that you miss him. Because he was way worse than he was good. 

He was never abusive. He was a violent man to anyone but you. You, he always touched with utmost care. At you, he never screamed. But he was still not good. He was cold and apathetic at times, then terribly affectionate at others, only to become cold again. And you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You wouldn’t have left your apartment today if your fridge hadn’t been empty. It wasn’t always empty, but sadly enough, groceries don’t magically appear. Not even for an outlaw such as yourself.

The city is busy. The smell of street food, smog and body odor poisons the air. The weather is hot these days and people started sweating more. You can’t stand people. You pull the mask tighter around your nose, hoping to shield the stench this way. 

You greet the clerk when you enter the shop, lowering your mask. It smells of grocery store in here. Fresh bread, produce and clean floors. It’s a welcome change to the rancid outside.

You spent fourty minutes in the shop and pay with cash. You never pay with card because it can be traced. Someone like you can’t risk being found. 

“See you”, you say your goodbyes and leave the store. You plan on coming back in three weeks. You can’t stand being outside often.

The door just about closed behind you and then someone jumps you. Three people to be more exact. Two hold your arms while one rips the bags out of your hands. 

“Let go! Hey, you fuckers!” you fight them off instantly, surprised at how easily it is to do. Way too easy. They let go of you as quickly as they grabbed you. At first you think that nothing happened, until you notice your grocery bags in one of the guys’ hands. They stole your stuff!

“You motherfuckers! Get back here! They’re mine!” 

They run away, flipping you off over their shoulders.

You sprint after them, but before you reach them, they jump onto a tuk tuk and drive off, finally showing you their faces. Those were some of Yoongi’s underlings.

“What the fuck?” You stumble back in disbelief. “Did they fucking steal my food? What the fuck’s happening?” 

It takes you a while before you finally come to the conclusion that you have to buy everything they stole a second time. And you do. And nobody jumps you. And you go home, make yourself shitty dinner and drink a bottle of soju all by yourself. It isn’t a good night. It’s a shit night. But then. All your nights have been shit for years.

You met Yoongi four years ago. It correlates with when your shit nights began. Okay, you are being unfair. The first two years with him were paradise and your nights were wonderful. You were an aspiring lawyer, while he was in the midst of getting a promotion to superintendent.  You supported each other’s dreams, motivated each other and celebrated when your goals were achieved. Then the truth spilled out. The man you knew to love turned out to be a lie. Why you never left, you do not know. He gave you the chance to leave, but you didn’t. You made yourself low maintenance to him and your nights became shit. He pretended to be a proper policeman by day while you pretended to be a proper lawyer and at night he became what he hunted by day while you tried to hide whatever evidence about him flooded into the offices. You hated it at first, then loved it, then lost your job because of it and became dependent on him and started to hate it again. Well, at least working for him. You liked everything else. Having to work in the system and seeing how corrupt even the most eligible politicians or CEOs truly are, made you realise that perhaps stealing from them isn’t as bad as it first sounded. You liked being on the dark side of the law because the bright side was just as twisted. You just simply started to hate that it means being close to Yoongi.

It took Soojin’s death to finally make you realise that staying with him will end in your death as well. And so you finally left.

You will start a new life, make up a new identity, move to a different country and forget about him. Maybe. Who knows. You haven’t decided yet.

A letter comes five days after the grocery store incident. It is stuffed into an unsealed envelope and clearly delivered by the person who wrote it. You open it, feeling shit instantly. Whoever wrote this letter is calling you the most hurtful of names, telling you personal stuff which truly hurts. You throw it away and go back inside, opening a bottle of soju. It wasn’t Yoongi’s handwriting, but somehow you still think that it is connected to him. You try not to let it get to you, but you still end up rotting away in your bed for the rest of the week only leaving it to piss, shit and eat. 

The next week your packages are missing. You never get them back. The culprit is never found. You curse the sky, knowing that it was fruitless. Yet again, you think that it was connected to him. To Yoongi, the man you wanted to forget, but who keeps haunting you day by day.

The city at night is a dangerous place. If you don’t know where to walk, you could find yourself in a rather messy situation. Especially as a woman. You are glad that most women are clever enough to stay at home once darkness greets the streets. Most women don’t know how to defend themselves though. Properly and without the law in mind. You killed before. Once. It was self defence. Yoongi took care of the body, you never found out what happened to it. He stayed with you the night it happened, even let you cry in his arms. He was gone the next day and never spoke of it again.

You clutch the big knife tightly in your bag, scanning the streets constantly. It isn’t far anymore until you are home. Hopefully the heavy rain clouds stay dry until you get there. You aren’t in the mood to get wet. Not tonight. You would have never left if you hadn’t ran out of fucking cigarettes. The kiosk was closed, so the journey was useless. Thunder announces that the clouds aren’t your friends. Mere seconds later, it starts pouring.

“Fucking shit, I hate this city.”

Rain in this city is always dirty and never really cold. You take it as a bad sign. Rain shouldn’t be warm. Not always, not constantly. Something’s wrong with this city. Something is rotting slowly until one day it will consume everything in its wake. You hope to have left before it can wake up.

The way home is too long for the amount of dirty rain it pours. You find refuge under a shop sign. There are no rooftops or canopies in sight and the only thing close to a safe place was the stupid restaurant sign. Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in bright red letters. The place is stuffed with people and the smell of beef broth mixes with the dirty scent of rain. You grind your teeth. What a shitty situation you find yourself in. You prefer being outside though. You know that once inside, the restaurant would be hot and stink of digested booze and body odor. You take getting wet over breathing in people’s air.

Except that you don’t really stay wet for long. The distinct sound of rain hitting an umbrella meets your ears. You look up. Black. You look to the side at the person holding it. Yoongi. Your stomach twists, your heart skips a beat. He is wearing a suit tonight. Black with a black tie. His hair is slicked back. He used makeup to  conceal the scar running all the way from his forehead over his eye and down half his cheek. This is his work outfit. His police chief outfit. Yes. He is a chief these days.

Your instincts tell you to leave without saying anything, but it’s been six weeks since the breakup and you still love him. You hate that you do, but can’t stop staring at his face. He has his brows raised in a nonchalant way as he inspects the heavy rain. He doesn’t grant you eye contact, but holds the umbrella in a way which lets you know that he came out here after seeing you. His left shoulder is getting wet, while you stay dry completely.

“What are you doing here?” you hear yourself ask him.

“Work dinner. I have to pay ‘cause I’m the boss and all that shit. They’re eating like greedy pigs”, he scoffs, “fucking assholes.”

“I see.”

“You?” 

“Buying smokes.”

He finally looks at you, studying from head to toe.

“The kiosk was closed”, you answer his question about your cigarettes’ whereabouts before he can ask it.

“I thought you quit.”

“Some things happened which made me start again.”

“Mhm”, he hums and takes out a packet of cigarettes from the inside of his suit jacket. He lights himself one and puts the packet away again, leaving you to stare at the smoke he blows out through his nose.

He isn’t actually serious, is he? It is like he is mocking you. It is already bad enough that he sends his stupid goons to terrorise you, now he is mocking you as well? You hate that you still love him.

You stay like this for a while. You staring at him while he holds the umbrella for you and smokes. You don’t know why you stay. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much.

Yoongi takes a long drag of the cigarette and exhales the smoke in an almost sigh-like breath. He lifts the cigarette, holding it closer to you.

“What?” you sound disbelieved, scandalised even.

He doesn’t say anything. He just shows you the cigarette as his eyes follow the endless rain. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much. But you still take the cigarette and put your lips right where he had his’ moments before. But you still smoke it as if it was the most normal thing to do. Because it once was. You and he shared many smokes in the past. It was once the most sensual, erotic thing to do between you and him. Barely clothed, intoxicated minds and high on the other, you often shared a joint as you got each other off. Fuck, it was always so fucking orgasmic to be with him that way.

“Wanna grab a bite?” he offers, pointing at the restaurant behind him, “one more mouth to feed isn’t gonna ruin me.”

You are hungry. You haven’t had a proper meal in weeks. Instant ramen, frozen food and snacks is all your body has to run on. You have no energy to cook and with how shitty you eat, it is a vicious cycle. Shitty food gives little energy, you already have low energy. The motivation to properly cook grows lower and lower each day. You dread the day you have only enough energy left to open a package of chips and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

“I’m not hungry.”

He glances at you. He knows that you are lying. Your eyes have greyed in starvation. He almost rips the cigarette out of your fingers and smokes it angrily, huffing out the smoke. 

“I’m offering”, he hisses.

“And I’m declining. I can take care of myself”, you throw back and rip the cigarette from his grasp to smoke it angrily. 

You may be starving, but you will be damned if you make yourself dependent on him again. You left him to finally prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. You don’t need his help. Not anymore. 

You take another deep drag, then hand the cigarette to him. He smokes it, glaring at you. You know that your stubbornness angers him.

“Tell your men to stop pestering me”, you say into the tense silence. 

He looks over his shoulder at his police team. They are too drunk and caught in conversation to pay their boss any mind.

“They’re inside”, he says.

“You know I don’t mean them. Tell your other men to stop annoying me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes. You do.” It is your turn to smoke. “It all started when they stole my groceries, but it’s been getting childish. My packages keep getting stolen, my internet cuts off, I find letters in my mail. Letters saying awful things about me. It’s getting ridiculous. Tell your men to stop terrorising me.”

“Stolen packages?” He takes the cigarette from you, brushing his fingers against yours as he does. The touch feels like the sweetest poison on your skin. “This doesn’t sound like my problem to solve. Go to the police.”

“Are you serious?” 

He inhales, exhales the smoke into your face. You should be disgusted by it, but almost huff it in like an addict. Yoongi watches your lids lower and your chest raise in a greedy breath, finding it hard not to stare at your lips as he hands you the cigarette. You smoke it. His eyes are still on your lips, glued to the shape of them as his throat runs dry.

“Very serious”, he rasps.

“You are the police”, you throw back in disbelief, exhaling the smoke into his face that way.

“Mhm yeah, I guess I am.” He takes the cigarette, smoking it with half lidded eyes. He exhales, handing you the cigarette. “When are you going to come home again?” he asks, looking back at the rain.

You almost choke on the smoke, exhaling it in a cough. Yoongi glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Your farce is getting ridiculous”, he says coldly.

“My farce?”

This break up wasn’t the first break up you and he went through. You left many times before, always thinking that you were finally strong enough to forget him only to come crawling back again. You don’t blame him for doubting that this time will be different, but you still can’t stop yourself from getting angry.

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“I did. Go to the police. I have nothing to do with it.”

You drop the half-finished cigarette. It dies in the puddle on the ground.

“I was smoking this”, he says dryly, “besides, don’t litter.”

“Pick it up yourself if you care so much about these dirty ass streets”, you spit and turn to leave. You take getting wet over being with him any longer.

Yoongi watches you leave, shakes his head in disbelief and bends down to pick up the cigarette. He won’t run after you because you will come crawling back eventually. You always do.

“Sir?” 

He turns his head. One of his officers. He is young and with sparkles of big dreams in his eyes. Yoongi pities him. This city is going to chew him up until there is nothing left of him. He had the same dreams once and knows what the viper nest, which is the justice system, is going to do to him. 

“What do you want?” he asks him dryly, rolling the wet cigarette between his fingers.

“Who did you talk to right now?”

“Just someone important to me.”

“Shouldn’t we escort her home? It’s raining and there could be criminals on the streets. It’s too dangerous for a woman to be alone.”

“She’ll get home safely.”

“Are you sure, Sir? I stayed sober for cases like these. I could get the car right away.”

“You’re sober?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“But it’s a work dinner. You’ve been off work for hours.”

The young officer salutes, “I know, Sir but a policeman shouldn’t slack, Sir.”

Yoongi feels deep pity for the young man. He is so motivated, so proper and full of good spirit. Waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him.

He pats him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon”, he says and swerves past him to get back inside. 

The young officer follows him with pride glimmering in his innocent eyes. Yes, waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him. 

Yoongi wasn’t always living two lives. He was like his young officer once. Full of dreams and motivation. He dreamed of using his powers to do good, to help those who needed it most and then he woke up. He watched politicians and men in power ruin, rape and kill the powerless without ever getting punished for it. He felt helpless. If even someone in his position can’t change the world, then who will? His criminal work was honourable once. He slipped evidence money under the table to hand out to the powerless, he let proof disappear for people doing crimes out of desperation. One time he was supposed to put a starving mother behind bars because she stole diapers for her babies. Yoongi couldn’t do it and so he disobeyed the law for these kinds of people.

But then his criminal work became less about the powerless and more about him. Making money the illegal way was easy and it is fucking addicting. Especially when he could make sure that evidence about him never reached the higher ups. Yoongi fucking loved the sudden power he possessed and he was too blinded by it to see that he became exactly what drove him to criminality in the first place.

Yoongi tells his officer to check up on your place that night. The young officer rings the doorbell like he was told to do.

You open it, swaying from intoxication as you do. The stench of digested booze wafts off you. But you somehow seem to sober up when you see the police badges on his shirt.

“You’ve got the wrong person”, you tell him, trying to morph your face into an expression of sobriety.

“Don’t worry, Miss. I came here to check on you.”

“Check on me?”

“Yes, Miss.” He salutes you. “I have orders from my captain to make sure that you arrived home safely and that you received this”, he says with an innocent smile on his lips, presenting a plastic bag to you. 

Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in red letters and inside, three big takeout containers of food are waiting to be eaten. 

Everything clicks into place. This is one of Yoongi’s employees. Another young, hopeful spirit which will be crushed in the system. You pity the young officer. You had the same innocent sparkle in your eyes once.

Hesitantly, you accept the takeout food.

“Thanks”, you mumble.

“Any time, Miss.” He studies you for a moment. “Are you…are you okay, Miss?”

You bite back tears. His empathy is going to kill him one day. But it feels so good to receive. You haven’t been asked this question in so long.

You shake your head. He straightens up in worry. 

“Should I call help for you, Miss?”

You know what he indicates.

“Thank you, no. I’m just going through some shit. Sorry, I’m being sappy tonight.”

“You don’t have to go through it alone, Miss.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m seriously alright, I won’t do anything stupid. You don’t have to worry, officer.” 

“Yes, well I still see it as my duty to stay because you seem sad to me”, he says and tries to go inside your apartment. He still has a lot to learn. You know from his eyes that he has no bad intentions and that he truly wants to help, but you know how the city will treat such deeds. One day he will try to help the wrong person and end up with attempted sexual assault charges. And it will fucking destroy him because people like him only see the good in the world and can’t imagine that others would want to hurt people.

You stop him with a guiding hand on his chest.

“That isn’t necessary, really. My packages keep getting stolen and I guess it’s been annoying me.”

He pulls out a pen paper instantly, stepping closer to you without noticing, “your packages? Have you seen anyone suspicious? How many packages have gone missing? When did it start?”

“No, I… Thank you for your concern and the food, but I will get through the night safely.”

He steps back, cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“Forgive me, I don’t know why I did that. My captain said that you were important to him and that I should make sure that you are well, so I wanted to do a good job at it.” He bows at you deeply. “Please forgive me, Miss.” 

“He said that?” you whisper.

He nods his head, “yes, Miss.”

“Oh. Uhm. ” You clear your throat. “Thank you, I, uhm, tell him that I’m good.” 

“I will, Miss. Here, my card. You can always call me when you need something” he hesitates, “or when you just need someone to talk to.” 

“Thank you. This is so kind.”

“You are never alone, Miss.”

“Thank you”, you say, bowing at him. He is so kind. God, you want to grab him and tell him to run before it’s too late.

He bows as well, “good night, Miss.”

“Good night.”

You watch him leave. He gives you one last look out of the police car and a kind wave, then drives off. 

You close the door with a curse. This just sobered you up. The young policeman’s kindness just sobered you up. You check his name on the card he handed you. Jeon Jungkook. Why someone like him? He never should have found his way into this field of work. 

You look at the takeout food next, feeling your stomach twist. You are important to Yoongi. Holy fuck.

It’s been eight weeks since you left him. You don’t feel better. The cigarette you shared was two weeks ago and yet you still feel as if it was sticking to your lungs. Each time you breathe out, you swear you can taste him. It almost suffocates you and keeps you from relaxing. So you leave your depressing place for a walk to the kiosk. You read somewhere that walks are good for one’s mental health. You can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are loud and fucking stink.

The vendor must be fucking with you. The day is bright, but the kiosk is closed again. You bang your fist against the closed door, cursing loudly. You want your fucking smokes is that too much to ask? This city is fucking shit.

You’ll just call someone who will always help. You saved him as Jay. His real name is Hoseok. You don’t say his real name in public. He doesn’t say yours. Yoongi sometimes called him his best friend, but what is such a title out of the mouth of the most apathetic man you know? You were his girlfriend too and look at where this has gotten you, living as an outlaw in the shit and dirt of this city.

Like always, Hoseok lets the phone ring four times then he picks up.

“Flames are hot”, he says.

“And the arsonist works hard”, you answer him.

“Hyacinth, it’s good to hear your voice”, there is finally a smile in his voice now that you answered the code correctly.

“The same goes for you, Jay.”

“What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

“Nothing much. I’m out of smokes.”

“The corner in twenty?”

“Yeah.”

You and he end the call at the same time. Twenty minutes later you meet. He wears black overalls and smudged eyeliner. He says it keeps the char easier to hide. Like always, he greets you with a quick hug.

“What do you got?” you ask him.

“Whatever you want.” He opens his bag. “I’ve got cigarettes, but something stronger too”, he says, scurrying around the contents of the bag with his fingers. He always has burn marks on them, but somehow they are never dirty.

“What do fifty bucks buy?”

“For you? Two packs of cigarettes and two joints. That’s a steal.”

“Fuck dude, you’re getting expensive.”

“Yeah well, a man’s gotta eat.”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

You and he exchange goods. He makes small talk.

“But why are you here with me? Did Suga run out of goods?”

Suga is Yoongi’s codename in public. The sound of it almost brings bile into your throat. You did such a good job in forgetting him and now the memory of him is as fresh as a new day. At least you like to pretend that you are doing a good job at forgetting him. Your heart knows better though.

“We, uhm…”

Hoseok exhales sharply, “again?”

You nod your head.

“When?”

“More than two months ago.”

“Damn, that’s long.”

“Yeah, I’m serious about it.”

He cocks his brow up.

“I am”, you insist just a little snappishly.

“Alright”, he closes his bag, “I gotta go now.”

“Already?”

He looks around nervously. Almost as if he didn’t want to be seen with you.

“Yup. Use the stuff wisely, I won’t have new stuff for a while.”

“Seriously?”

He nods his head and salutes you nonchalantly.

“See you around.”

“See…you?”

He turns his back to you and walks off quickly, soon disappearing into the busy crowd. Is this your fate? Even the people closest to you avoid you now that you aren’t Yoongi’s anymore? Were you truly only worth something as his little thing? You ball your hands into fists, bending the joints this way. You have to leave this fucking place. There is actually nothing holding you here anymore.

That night the phone terror starts. Numbers keep calling you over and over and over again. You pick up the first time, only to have to listen to the most hurtful things another human has ever said to you. The voice wasn’t Yoongi’s, but you still blame him. Now that you aren’t his thing anymore, you became free food to whoever had been waiting to make your life a living hell. You turn off your phone after an hour and go to sleep with the help of Hoseok’s joints.

The doorbell wakes you the next morning. You consider not answering because it’s probably just one of his goons wanting to terrorise you. But whoever is ringing the doorbell is stubborn, forcing you out of your bedroom. You look through the door cam first.

That young officer. He is in full uniform.

You open the door hesitantly.

“Good morning”, he greets you with a wave and a smile.

“Good morning”, you murmur. Your mouth is as dry as a fucking desert. You are also so hungry that you could throw up in his face right now.

“How are you feeling, Miss?”

“Good.”

“That’s good to hear.” He says and shows you a package which he kept hidden behind his back all this time. He smiles brightly and proudly. “Tada!”

“What’s that?”

“I caught the package thief, Miss.”

“Are you serious?” you gasp and your eyes instinctively drift to the car you have noticed parked outside your unit for days. The door is opened and someone is sitting in the backseat. He looked cuffed to the seat. You glance at the young officer and the shiteating, proud grin he is sporting. He has been watching you? Did Yoongi tell him to?

“Wait. You’re actually serious.”

“Very serious. For you, Miss”, he says and shoves the package into your face.

“Uhm, uh. Thanks”, you accept it, putting it under your arm. “Have you been watching me?”

“Did you notice the car? Sorry, I thought that I was better hidden. I’m still new to all of this. But I caught the thief, heh.” He points at himself with his thumbs. “That’s my first real arrest.”

He manages to drag an honest smile to your lips. He is kind of adorable in a way.

“That’s cool. Thank you for taking care of it. Now I’ve got nothing to worry about anymore.”

He grins and nods his head, studying your features afterwards. He opens his mouth.

“Jeon are you there? Over”, his walkie talkie interrupts whatever he wanted to ask you. He takes it off his chest harness.

“I’m here, Kim Sir. Over.”

“Come to the precinct. We need reinforcements. Over.”

“Coming right away, Sir. I caught a thief right now, Sir. Over.”

A pause where the higher officer is definitely baffled by his confession.

“Good job, Jeon. Over.”

The young officer giggles before he speaks again, doing so as seriously as possible.

“Thank you, Kim Sir. I am taking the criminal to the precinct. Over.”

“Understood. Over.”

He puts the walkie talkie back on its harness and gives you a sorry smile.

“That was my boss. My other boss, not your friend who is the boss of this boss. Anyways. I have to go now, duty calls. Are you going to be okay, Miss?”

“I am. Thank you for your kindness.”

“Anytime, Miss. Uhm, have a good day”, he says and leaves with a wave of his hand. He waves again as he drives off. You retort it, staring at his car until it disappears behind a corner. You sigh deeply. He is so nice. Why someone like him? Why does this life always find people like him?

It’s been ten weeks since you left him. You read somewhere that walks are good for your mental health. You still can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are still loud and still fucking stink. But it’s better than staying in your apartment. You’ve got new neighbours since Monday. They keep fucking like actual animals. They fucked when you left your place tonight. You were this close to kicking their door in and slaughtering them like pigs. You opted for a walk in the end.

You walk for a while then sit down by an empty bench next to the river. It is quiet. Nobody is really here. At least nobody important. A couple, how disgusting. A late night jogger, clearly a man. A homeless person, who uses another bench as their bed. You hate looking at homeless people because you feel helpless seeing them. You stopped being on the bright side of the law because of people like them. You thought that maybe if you stole from the corrupt men in power often enough, you would be able to help the ones who truly needed it. But you never managed to actually achieve anything. The homelessness in the city grows, while the pockets of the politicians become fatter and fatter in wealth. You fucking hate this city. It is rotten to the core.

“Look who we have here. If that isn’t our pretty little Hyacinth.”

You aren’t quick enough to get up to leave and then you already have two men throwing their arms over your shoulders while a third is grabbing the back of your head from behind. You try to reach for your knife but can’t. Their grip on you is too good.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

Their voices are familiar and one look at them confirms your suspicions. It’s them. The same three underlings who stole your groceries months ago.

“Leave me alone”, you tell them.

“Why should we? You are all alone. If the boss knew we’re leaving you alone, he’d grow angry.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Now, now don’t be like that. You’re just a girl and there are many dangerous men out there.”

You look to your side. One of them is licking their lips like a hungry animal.

“Yeah? And you’re being fucking inappropriate. Leave me alone”, you spit, shaking off their arms.

They let you. Just as they let you stand up and take your bag.

“Goodnight”, you tell them and leave. Quickly. You walk a good hundred feet until you finally dare to look over your shoulder only to realise in horror that they are following you. Quickly.

You can defend yourself. You know how to kill, but you also know when you are outnumbered. And three bigger men against a woman is sadly never going to end well for the woman. You hate this city and you hate this life. You know that their words were nothing but provocation. They know you aren’t with Yoongi anymore, that you aren’t under his protection anymore and that in some weird way, you sullied his honour. You also know how people who bring dishonour to the gangs of this city are punished. The men are murdered and the women, well, they are murdered too but not before being sullied themselves. You hate this city and you hate this life. This life which is going to fucking end for you soon.

You dare to look over your shoulder one more time. They are so close that you can see the hunger in their eyes. No. Nononononono. It can’t end like this. You were supposed to leave this city, start a new life, forget about Yoongi. You are not going to die here in this dirty, shitty park far away from your dream.

Thump.

You bounce back from the impact, letting out a blood curling scream. It was instinct. Just as it is instinct of the person you ran into to grasp you by your arms and pull you closer again.

“Let me go! Help! Help me!”

“Quiet”, the person hisses and shakes you. This voice sounded different. Familiar in an almost intimate way.

You dare to shift your eyes to them.

Yoongi.

“I, I, I”, you stutter, feeling delirious in both fear and shock. You grab his shirt, twisting it to get closer to him. The act is intimate and out-of-place but you are too frightened to think clearly. 

Yoongi brushes over the state of your glassy eyes to look over your shoulder. There are three men suddenly scurrying away, using the darkness to hide. He managed to get their faces.

He looks back at you. Your eyes meet. A little bit of clarity returns to you. What are you doing? Your fingers soften around his shirt. 

“I don’t…”

“Come on, we’re going home”, he say sternly and puts an arm around your waist, dragging you with him like this.

You follow him all the way to his car. You even let him sit you down on the passenger seat and you even stay seated when he rounds the car to get to the driver side. You think that you are in shock because you don’t protest when he starts the car, nor when he drives off. You simply stare outside with your knees turned to him because your body acts against your consciousness. The city passes you by in flashes of neon colours. His car smells like his cologne and leather. He has no music playing. 

Yoongi glances at your face. You have your head against the window, squeezing your hands between your thighs. The neon lights illuminate your features each time he passes by another light source. He can see that you are trying not to shake.

He takes a deep breath, shifting his eyes to the road. He has to grip the steering wheel, otherwise his hands would shake in anger.

“Should we get dinner?”

His voice rips you from whatever trance you were in. You sit up straight, looking at him. He is gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles pale. His long hair is hanging into his face tonight. A turquoise varsity jacket adorns him. His scar wasn’t hidden behind concealer. He wasn’t working his day job today. What was he doing at the park? Why was he there?

“Take me home”, you order him.

“I am.”

“No. Home. Not your place.”

“My place is your home”, he gets out through gritted teeth.

“No, it isn’t. Not anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Did you see what they were doing to me?”

“No.”

You are lost for words for a moment. The tears come afterwards.

“Stop the car.”

Yoongi looks at you because your voice was shaking. He holds his breath at the sight of your tears.

“What?” he makes sure.

“Stop. The. Car. Now.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

You pull the knife out on him. He swerves to the side on instinct, fixing the mistake so vigorously, you and he shake in the small space. You don’t let it affect you, holding the knife against his skin.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses.

“Stop the fucking car or I’ll kill us both”, you spit, holding the knife against his throat.

“Fuck”, he growls and hits the steering wheel. The car rolls to a stop.

“Get out”, you threaten.

“I am. Fuck.”

He follows your orders because you have his life at blade’s end. He still slams the door closed. You leave the car instantly.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You could have killed us both” he tries to scold you, but you silence him.

“I’m talking now”, you roar.

Yoongi closes his mouth because he has never heard you like this before.

“You are such an asshole! Each day I regret the moment I met you! You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Yoongi gulps. 

“I had a life before you. I had dreams and ambitions and, and goals and…a chance. I could have had a good life. I was supposed to use my degree to help people but you ruined everything for me.”

He rounds the car in big steps, coming so close to you that you smell his breath. It smells like chewing gum. 

“You could have achieved something? What exactly did you achieve as a lawyer? Mhm, what did you achieve? This city is fucked.”

“Yes, because you fucked it!” you hit his chest. He doesn’t budge, but also doesn’t stop you. “You fucked it and you fucked me and I hate you for it!”

“Don’t blame me for your decisions. I gave you a chance to leave me back then. You were the one who stayed.”

You inch closer until your lips are almost touching. Yoongi exhales shakily, placing his hand on your hip. 

“And I will regret this decision till the day I die”, you whisper, breaking the closeness.

You slip out of his hold. He follows you in a small stumble and a trembling gasp. 

“I never want to see you again. Are we clear?” you hiss at him.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, you don’t want this”, he hisses back at you.

“You’re wrong, I don’t want you. I thought I still did, but I don’t. You don’t care about me, it’s finally so fucking obvious to me. You don’t fucking care.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“They are terrorising me, Yoongi!” You finally scream. “I wake up to people ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, I have to keep my phone turned off because the phone calls don’t stop. I keep getting my stuff stolen and, and I thought I was going to be raped tonight! They are terrorising me and you called it not your problem!”

“No, you-”

“I’ve been living in constant fear, our friends don’t even look at me anymore, I haven’t eaten in days and I can’t-”, you stop yourself. He doesn’t even deserve your anger anymore. “-you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I’m leaving.”

You turn your back to him and leave. 

He says your name and takes your hand. He pulls, tries to turn you to him. But you rip yourself free again.

“Don’t go”, he says.

You don’t listen.

“I’m ordering you to stay”, he sounds desperate, yelling your name, “I am ordering you!” 

He can yell as much as he wants to. You don’t listen to him anymore. The subway station isn’t far. You will make an exception and take it tonight. Even if you hate it. It stinks. Just like the rest of this shitty city.

You are going to leave. Once you are home, you are going to start packing and then you are going to leave. You will call V. You don’t know his real name, but he can change your identity as quickly as others change their socks. You will call V and tell him to have your passport ready the day after tomorrow. You will pay him with the money you have under your pillow and then leave for somewhere clean. Maybe somewhere with lots of mountains. You always heard that the air at these places is breathable.

You call V the same night. He tells you that two days is too short and to wait another week. So you wait. Your bags have been packed. You live out of them in your own place. You don’t leave it. You are scared. With how little Yoongi cared about your situation, you doubt that he told his men to stop. You are scared that if you left again, they would finally go through with what they couldn’t finish back then.

The doorbell rings during a rainy, dark night. You flinch awake to the point where you feel sick to the stomach. The lights are turned on instantly eventhough you know not to do that in such a situation. You can’t think clearly. You just want this to be over. All of it.

You run to the front door because you suddenly feared that it was unlocked. It isn’t, but you can watch someone push an envelope under your door. The shadow blocking the light outside leaves the moment the letter is inside your apartment.

You don’t want to open it at first, staring at it as if someone had planted a bomb in your apartment. Fuck it, if that is how you die then so be it, you think in the end and bend down to pick it up. It feels different in your fingers. Sophisticated. Intimate. The envelope is glued closed as if someone licked the glue stripe and the faint smell of well-known cologne lingers on the paper. You open it with shaky fingers.

A letter. It is heavy and folded once. You open it, gasping when three photographs fall out of it and onto the ground. You don’t know what is on them because they landed on their face side. So you read the letter first.

“It has always been mine as well.”

Written in black ink and a familiar handwriting. This is Yoongi’s writing.

With even shakier hands, you pick up the pictures. You feel sick for a moment, gawking at the cruel pictures with your hand thrown over your mouth. The three men who terrorised you. Their mutilated corpses look back at you. He tortured them to death.

You rip the door open, stumbling onto the balcony. You look down at what tripped you. Two bags of your favourite takeout food and a six pack of water. Both clearly fresh. So it was him. Yoongi must be here somewhere. You look into the distance. The night is loud and blurry in a thunderstorm. The streets are empty. The ghost of your past is gone again. You squint your eyes. A person.

“Yoongi!” you call out, unable to realise that you are smiling and waving your hand.

The person moves. Oh. It was just the shadow of a tree. For just a moment you had hoped that the dark shape was him waiting for you. It was just a tree…and you were happy that if could have been Yoongi. The realisation hurts.

“Fuck”, you press out, going back inside. The lump in your throat makes it hard to breathe. You stumble back to bed, halting for a moment when you pass your suitcases.

It has always been mine as well. His words repeat themselves in your head. All this time, you thought that he didn’t care. All this time, you thought that your terror left him cold. Your eyes drift over the empty takeout boxes from the noodle place. You still haven’t cleaned them up. He made sure that you were properly fed for days back then. A glance at the new stuff he got tonight. He is still making sure that you are. Your eyes drift over the package next. He made sure that they stopped getting stolen. You look at the pictures in your hands. He made sure that they would never hurt you again. All this time, you were so blinded by your own anger that you missed how he had always looked out for you. You missed his way of showing you that you were important to him.

It has always been his problem as well.

Something inside you breaks and you scream. You don’t know what you scream for, but you scream. It hurts so much. It hurts so much because you will still leave. He will hurt you again if you stay. All his efforts healed your heart and it hurts so much because you will still leave. You were meant to stay broken hearted. Leaving would have been so easy this way. Now it hurts like a bitch. But you can’t sway. You have to leave this place. It will chew up what little is left of you until you truly cease to exist.

V comes to your place the next day. He rings your doorbell. It wakes you from the uncomfortable sofa you fell asleep on last night. You groan as you sit up and you barely want to open your eyes as you stumble to the door.

You open it without checking the camera first.

“Took you long en- you?”

Jungkook, the young officer, greets you with a smile.

“I swear I’m not stalking you.”

You have a headache today, so it is difficult not to snap at him. He is also not the person you wanted in front of your door today.

“I’m starting to doubt that.”

He laughs, “it’s not that. I talked to my boss. Your friend, the boss of the other boss. Sorry, anyways. I need you to come to the precinct with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Okay so, this is actually so cool and I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but you’re my boss’ friend so I guess it’s okay”, he begins with sparkling eyes, “turns out that the package thief is actually a serial thief and you aren’t the first one he stole from. Isn’t that cool? It’s like in those movies. Those cool cop movies.”

“Really? He stole from more people?” You highly doubt that.

“Yeah”, he laughs as he answers you, nodding his head excitedly, “now we’re calling in everyone who he stole from so we can take their statements. My boss says that we can’t keep the thief locked up for long otherwise.”

You know that this wasn’t really how the law works. After all, you were once a lawyer who was fucking good at her job. Is Yoongi trying to drag you back to him? First he tries to change your mind by killing your bullies and now he is trying to do the final blow by abusing his power as police chief? You check the time. Couldn’t the young officer have come later? You could have had your passport already and be far, far away from this place.

“Can I just give it to you here?” you ask him.

“Mhm”, he tilts his head to the side, “no, I don’t think that it works like this. I’m sorry, Miss. The captain said that it’s important that all the victims come into the precinct.”

You have to give Yoongi that. He is real clever about it. That means however that you can’t escape this situation. Any more resistance from you would make you suspicious.

You give up with a sigh. “Can I just change into something different?”

“Of course, Miss.”

The young officer lets you sit in the passenger seat. He is so new at all of this. With such naivety he tells you his entire life story. That he was from the countryside and that his dream has always been to be a policeman in the city. That he studied hard for years and that he completed his enlistment with honour just so he could be a proper officer. He sounds so proud of himself that each second with him makes you hate his presence more and more. He is so fucking stupid and it angers you. Why would he throw away his life like that? Why someone like him?

You are led to one of the precinct’s interrogation rooms and are told to wait there. The table is decked with different foods.

“What’s all that?” you ask Jungkook.

“Breakfast, Miss.”

“Did your captain tell you to do that?”

“He said that wanted to make sure you get your breakfast because we called you in so early. The captain really cares for the citizens.”

You stifle a scoff. Sure he does.

“Mhm, I see.”

“Either way, it won’t take long”, the young officer bids his goodbyes and leaves you in the interrogation room.

His words were a lie. You wait and wait and wait, but nothing happens. There are no clocks in this godforsaken room, but you still know that it has to be hours. You didn’t want to eat the breakfast at first, glaring at the two-way mirror because in your mind, Yoongi was behind it, watching you and making sure that you ate. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction at first, but had to in the end. The body begins working against one’s will when it is starving and the breakfast looked way too good. You eat all of it, then glare at the mirror again. You are still left alone and more time passes. It is as if they are trying to wear you down, as if you were the criminal in this situation. Granted, you are a criminal, but only Yoongi knows that and right now you are a poor civilian having done nothing wrong. You know that it’s Yoongi’s doing. That he somehow wants to terrorise you.

So when the door finally opens and he walks into the room, you almost throw the empty bowl at his head.

“Forgive the wait, Miss but something came up”, he says nonchalantly, flicking through some papers.

His second in command Kim Namjoon and the young officer Jeon Jungkook are behind him, which is why he is putting up this act. You grind your teeth.

“I already started to wonder if I’m in danger here”, you say way too sweetly.

“That depends on how you are going to answer our questions”, he says and sits down on the chair in front of you.

Jungkook stays by the door while Kim Namjoon stands a little to your side.

You look around yourself. He is trying to intimidate you.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I thought that I’m here to give my statement because of my stolen packages.”

Yoongi glances up from the papers. This is the first time your eyes meet after your fight and he killed your bullies. If only the others in this room would know how much blood he has on his hands and to which length he is willing to go to protect you. There were times where you would have dragged him over the table and kissed him senseless, but not anymore. You are stronger than your urges, even if it hurts your heart. You can’t give in again. If you do, he will take you for granted again. You won’t be happy with him. You finally have to fucking understand that.

“You’re right. You are here because of that”, he says dryly.

“Good. It started on May sixteen. I came home at around seven ten and noticed that my packages were missing. Two were stolen back then, but in total he stole eight packages”, you say and proceed to tell him the exact dates with the time as well as what was stolen.  

“You seem to know how such hearings work”, he says after he wrote down what you said.

“I had a few hours to practice what I was going to say”, you say with a poisonous smile.

One Yoongi retorts with just as much poison and a deep hum.

“Apologies again.”

“Don’t worry, I know how hard the police works at keeping this honourable city safe.”

He tongues his cheek. You give him a victorious smirk. This cut. Good. He takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose, reaching into his suit pocket to pull out a cigarette. He gets as far as to put it to his lips and then Kim Namjoon already speaks up.

“Captain. Smoking is prohibited in this building.”

“Fuck”, Yoongi presses out and takes the cigarette between two fingers to tap it against the table instead.

“Smoking is bad for you either way”, you say.

He tongues his cheek again. You know that he wants to curse at you right now, but can’t. He has to put up a friendly act.

“I know, can’t shake the habit”, he says and studies your face, “so what now?”

“Sir?” Kim Namjoon is rightfully confused. Yoongi slipped up.

“I don’t know, I was never in such a place before. Do you still need to take my information?” you act oblivious.

“We already have everything.”

“Great. Then I can go?” you ask, fluttering your lashes innocently.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Sir?” “What? Why?”

Yoongi shifts in his chair until he manspreads like an idiot. He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks you.

“Uhm…is this still part of my hearing?” you ask, glancing at Kim Namjoon.

“No of course not, Miss. Please, follow me.”

“Sit. Down.”

The room is silent for a moment. You glare at Yoongi while Namjoon and Jungkook gawk in complete confusion. Their captain acts out of character. There is no reason to keep the innocent lady here any longer. This isn’t like him at all. He has been fidgeting all day, barely drank his coffee, went for far too many smoke breaks and now this. The officers have no explanation for their captain’s sudden behaviour.

“What is the reason for this?” you ask him.

“Just safety precautions. We wouldn’t want our honest citizen to get into danger”, he says coldly, “now answer my question. What are your plans now, Miss?”

“I will go home.”

“Where is that home?”

“Sir, I don’t know if that is necessary.”

“Shut up, Kim.”

Namjoon gulps, exchanging a confused look with Jeon Jungkook. This is really not like their captain.

Yoongi straightens up and leans forward so he is closer to you.

“Where is that home, Miss?”

You lower your eyes in anger.

“I don’t know yet, I’m planning to leave this city.”

“What?” his voice shook as he spoke. His fingers close and break the cigarette that way. His eyes almost bore holes into yours from how deeply he stares into them.

“This city’s become too depressing for me. I plan on leaving it for good.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. There is nothing holding me here anymore.”

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there really isn’t. I will leave.”

Bang!

You flinched back. Namjoon and Jungkook tense up as well.

Yoongi slammed his hand on the table, jumping to his feet.

“No the fuck you won’t!” he yells.

“Sir? What are you doing?!”

“Excuse me? It’s my right as an honest citizen to move”, you act oblivious as well.

“Keep her here”, he talks to Jungkook, pointing at him, “lock her up and keep her here.”

“Under what pretence, Sir?” the young officer asks with widened eyes.

“I, I, I don’t know. Refusal to, to, to cooperate or some shit like that”, Yoongi never stutters and he never paces, but he is currently doing both of those things.

“Sir…is…this legal?” Jungkook asks shyly.

Yoongi is by Jungkook’s side within a few steps, grabbing him by the collar.

“Do as you are told, Jeon! Unless you want to lose this job!” Yoongi growls, making Jungkook whimper with fear.

“Captain Min, you are stepping out of place”, Kim Namjoon speaks up, dragging him away from Jungkook, “and get off this poor officer’s neck. He is just doing his job.”

Yoongi whips around, now targeting his anger at Namjoon.

“If he was doing his fucking job, he would lock her up”, he hisses, pointing at you.

“I need you to step out for a moment, Captain”, Namjoon says and gestures Jungkook to open the door. The young officer obeys, holding it open as Namjoon shoves a protesting Yoongi out of the room. He closes the door again, muting the vivid fighting Yoongi was doing with Namjoon outside.

He meets your eyes, smiling awkwardly.

“Please forgive the Captain, Miss. He is very concerned about his citizens’ safety.” He is a terrible liar, but you don’t blame him. If you were in his situation, you would have no idea how to explain such a situation to a supposed innocent citizen either.

“Don’t worry. I, I’m just wondering if maybe I can finally leave? I’m sorry, this just really scared me and I just want to lie down at home now”, you act shaken up, looking at the young officer with pleading eyes. 

“Of course, Miss. Our honest apologies again, Miss. Please follow me”, he says and leads you out of the room.

Yoongi and Namjoon are still arguing, but stop when they see you come out. You lock eyes with Yoongi for the briefest of moments. 

He closes the distance and grabs your wrist, dragging you with him with such vigour that nobody truly gets time to act. Not even you know what was happening to you until you find yourself in his office with the door slammed shut. 

“What are you doing?” you gasp.

“Shut the fuck up, you’re not the one asking this question right now!”

“Yoongi, lower your voice. This isn’t the place for screams.”

He steps closer to you, pointing at your face in warning.

“I have every fucking right to scream right now and you know that”, he presses out through gritted teeth.

“Why? Because I finally don’t need you anymore?”

“You can’t move. What the fuck are you thinking?”

“I’m-”

‘I'm not done”, he interrupts you, “I killed them for you. I did it. Just for you. Because your safety matters to me. I care.” He hits his own chest. “I showed you that I care and you’re gonna leave?”

You hate that you love him, but not for the usual reasons. You hate it because it hurts. You are going to leave despite not wanting to. You love him, perhaps you always will but you are also going to leave. 

You nod your head.

Yoongi exhales shakily, taking a stumbling step back. He stares at you as if you were the ghost whose haunting hurts him the most. He huffs out air, rubs his hand over his mouth, then runs it through his hair and down the side of his neck.

“I’ll kill the thief”, he says in the end.

“What?” 

“I'll make it seem like suicide. He’ll look like a pisser who couldn’t take prison and killed himself.”

“Are you out of your mind? He’s just a thief.”

“Well, what more do you need?!” he screams

“Nothing! I don’t need anything from you!”

“Why not? I can give you whatever you want!”

“Look at you. Now that you finally realised, I’m actually serious about the breakup, you wanna act like you care.”

“I care”, his voice broke, but you are both too angry to acknowledge it, “i-i-if I knew that you- I just-” He breathes in, breathes out, rubs his mouth, then his neck. “It can’t end like this. It can’t.”

“It can. I’m done begging you for everything.”

Yoongi steps closer.

“I can-”

“Sir? What is the meaning of this?” 

Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook are in the office. The rest of the precinct gawks at you and Yoongi through the doorway. The latter lifts his hands and steps back. His fingers are shaking. 

“The captain just voiced his worries for my move. Don’t worry about it, Kim Sir”, you lie and turn to leave, “may I finally leave?”

Namjoon tells Jungkook to handle it with a nod of his head. The young officer points at the open door.

“Please after you, Miss.”

Yoongi says your name. 

You look at him over your shoulder, despite knowing you shouldn’t. He takes a step closer, lifting his brows in pleading. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. You ball your hands to fists and turn your back to him.

Yoongi tries your name again, hoping for another look. One which doesn’t come. 

“Come back”, he tries, but gets stopped by Namjoon.

You can hear them talk as you leave.

“What the fuck’s your issue, man? You’ve been weird all day and now you’re screaming at citizens?”

“Watch your tone.”

“Hyung, I’m not here as your colleague right now. I’m here as your friend.”

“She’s gonna leave, she can’t…”

Jungkook leads you away from the office before you can hear Yoongi’s full answer. 

“Are you crying, Miss??”

“Hm? Oh that, don’t mind them. It’s just…” Your heart is broken and you want to run back to Yoongi. “...forgive me, I’m just a little shaken from everything.”

“I’m sorry, Miss. The captain isn’t normally like this.”

“It’s alright. I know how Yoongi can be sometimes.”

“Yoongi?” Jungkook asks, glancing at the captain’s office. He wonders what kind of friends you and he are. Maybe Those kind of friends? Is that why you are important to the captain? 

“I mean…sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I just wish to go home now.”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Oh god, I don’t even have money for a bus ticket with me”, you murmur to yourself, looking for your wallet. This is all a scheme to get Jungkook to drive you home again. You are worried that if he didn’t, Yoongi would somehow get to you before you could reach the station.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss. As a policeman, it is my duty to make sure that you get home safely.”

“Really? I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“Of course, Miss.”

And so he takes you home and you hate yourself because of it. So it began. You were the first person who used his kindness to her advantage. You were the drop beginning the inevitable filling of the tank until one day it will swap over. And once that happens, it is almost impossible to stop the leak. Fuck, you are just as terrible as everyone else in this city.

But the young officer is oblivious to what you just did, driving you home with a kind smile on his face. He even walks you to your door and stays as you unlock it. Your neighbours are fucking again. He glances at their door, then awkwardly at you.

“Yeah, I’ve got new neighbours. You can’t go over there and flash your badge and tell them to shut up, can you?”

“Of course I can, Miss. Just one mom-”

“No stop, I was joking”, you stop him, studying him with exhausted eyes. You are so sorry. You are so fucking sorry.

“Ah, okay. Please forgive me, I always take everything way too seriously”, he says, scratching his own neck shyly. He furrows his brows. “What’s the matter, Miss?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Run.”

“What?”

“Run back to your hometown. Run and never look back.”

“Excuse me?” he laughs in confusion, furrowing his brows harder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon Jungkook. This city will fucking ruin you.”

“I…uh…” He laughs nervously. “I don’t seem to follow, Miss. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to get it, just listen to me. Please.”

“O…kay? I uhm…”

“Thank you for driving me home. I’ll think of you sometimes in my new home.”

“Miss, are you okay?”

“I am. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. Just promise me to run.”

“I promise?”

“Good. Be happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Miss, I-”

You close the door on him and lock it. You don’t expect him to knock or ring the bell. He is too proper to annoy you this way. You check the camera. He stares at the closed door for a few moments longer, looking confused. He lifts his hand to knock, hesitates and turns his back to the door instead, leaving down the steps to drive off. You know that you confused him, but you had to. Please let it be enough to save him.

V arrives later that day. He is stressed and clearly in a hurry.

“What’s wrong? You look like you need to be somewhere or like you need to shit. Do you need to shit?”

“What? No”, he sounds out of breath as well as annoyed, “I’m risking my ass being here. I’ve got your stuff. It’s the only thing except mine that I managed to save. Give me the money, quick.”

“Save?” you probe, giving him the money.

He stuffs it into his boxers hastily, looking over his shoulder again.

“My place got raided by cops. I was at the market getting food, then came back to five cop cars in front of my place. I barely escaped. If I didn’t always carry my stuff with me, I’d have been fucked.”

“What?!”

“Sorry, Hyacinth. Gotta leave the city for a while. I wish you all the best.”

“V, what the fuck?”

“Here’s to never seeing each other again, aye?” he jokes, laughing nervously. It’s a good thing he said. Never seeing each other again meant that you and he managed to escape safely.

“Wait. Where will you go?”

“I can’t tell you. You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, just…be careful.”

“You too.”

He leaves and you know that he will be successful. If there is one person who won’t ever be found it is V. 

You are in a trance for the rest of the day. Yoongi raided V’s place. He went as far as to betray his own people just to make sure that you wouldn’t leave. Carrying your new passport feels like a trophy, as much as it feels like a curse. Leaving this city won’t be as easy anymore now that he knows. You are so fucking stupid for telling him, but you didn’t want to miss out on his reaction when he found out. The small moment of satisfaction seems skippable now that you know how far he is willing to go to keep you close. And because V came as late as he did, your means of escape don’t drive anymore either. You have to wait for the earliest bus if you wanted to or not. Fuck, you did this to yourself. You stupid fucking woman. Look at you. You have this big, honourable degree and still manage to get yourself into shitty situations over and over again.

You go to sleep with a gun under your pillow. You won’t risk anything.

You don’t get a lot of sleep and then a noise wakes you. You heard it as clear as day. Someone unlocked your front door. He sent men to get you. Now he’s gone too far. You jump out of bed and grab your loaded gun, tiptoeing to a spot from where you could observe the apartment. You have to be strategic about it. First count the men, then calculate the fastest way to shoot them, then act. The door closes and locks again. Clever bastards, they want to make sure that you don’t flee. Oh, you are going to have a blast killing them. One last little thing to leave Yoongi before you abandon him.

The automatic lights turn on. Got you, assholes.

The first enters your vision.

“Hm?”

Yoongi. Clearly drunk, he is dragging his feet over the floor, using the wall as support. No one else follows him. So he came here alone. 

Overtaken by anger, you jump out of hiding and at him.

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

“I can’t believe you’re still hiding your keys under the flower pot. Don’t make me so worried, anyone could enter.”

“I’m gonna count to three and if you haven’t disappeared by then, I’ll shoot.”

“Can we talk?”

“One.”

“I know I fucked up. I can’t stop thinking about you. Please, can we try again?”

“Two.”

“I promise I changed. You were right, I was a joke. But I wanna do better now.”

“Three.” “I’m sorry!”

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut. His death never comes. He peels his eyes open again.

You are staring, panting heavily. Tears are in your eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he whispers.

This is the first time he is the one to say these words first. It feels so good, but you can’t give in again. You made up your mind to leave…didn’t you? You study the state of him. He is heavily intoxicated. He looks the way and reeks of it.

“You’re drunk.” 

He nods his head, furrowing his brows. He touches your elbows, caressing them softly. Such touch you only get when he is drunk.

“I drank because of you. What you said today. I just…don’t move away, please”, he begs, eyes filling with tears.

“So now you care? I wasn’t important to you when I was with you and now that I’m leaving, I’m suddenly important?”

“You’ve always been important.”

“No, I haven’t. You took me for granted.”

“I did and I’m sorry. I never should have taken you for granted. I’ll do better now, please just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“If I give you a chance again, you’ll just abuse it and hurt me.”

“No, I won’t. Please, I just.” He cups your face, running his thumbs under your eyes as gently as possible. “We were right once. We were so good together. We were a team and, and we had dreams and we made each other happy. I want this back, I wanna try to get this back again please.”

“I just want to be happy, Yoongi”, you press out.

“I’ll make you happy, baby. Please, I-I’ll make you happy again.”

“No, you’re drunk and talking fucking shit.”

“I’ll leave this city if you want me to.”

You falter. He would give up what he built just for you?

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“I would. For you I would. I’d set this whole city on fire and leave with you as it burns to fucking ashes behind us, please.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Please”, he whispers and drops his forehead against yours, “please, I want to make you happy again.”

You hate that you love him. You hate that he made you addicted to him. This is so awfully him. He gives you enough affection that you get addicted to it then takes it away again. And once he feeds it to you again, you drink it up like an alcoholic. It is always the same. 

“No, you won’t. You’re drunk.”

“Please.”

“Leave my place.”

He presses himself off the wall and grabs the nuzzle of the gun, guiding it right between his brows.

“You have to kill me if you want me gone.”

You gulp. He forces your finger to the trigger. Your airways close up.

“Kill me. Fucking kill me. I can’t live without you anyways.”

You could end it. You’ve got everything. Your suitcases, your papers, the keys of his car he drunkenly drove like an asshole. You’ve got everything you need to escape this place. You could end it, finally make sure that you have no temptation to return. You could end him and your addiction with it. He’s got your finger on the trigger, it needs just one flex and it would be over. But you never wanted him dead. No matter how much you wished for him to be gone, you never wanted him dead. Because in some fucked up way, all you really wanted was for him to put more effort into you.

“No”, you whimper, shaking your head. 

He rips the gun from your fingers and drops it on your dresser. 

“I don’t want to kill you”, you press out, sobbing softly. 

He cradles your face, wiping your tears. 

“I know”, he gets out, nodding his head, “I know you don’t, princess. I know.”

“Yoongi”, you squeak out, twisting his shirt. 

“I’m here, princess. I’m here.”

He pulls you closer until his kiss is just one breath away, feeding on the shaky breath you let ghost against his lips. His drunken eyes gaze at your mouth, his heart is racing in his chest.

“Push me away”, he tells you.

“I hate you.”

“And I love you.”

“Yoongi”, you whimper, finally touching his chest instead of his shirt. 

He moans and pulls you into a kiss. A deep, hungry kiss. 

You pull at his hair to get him off of you as much as you pull him closer, fighting for air. You hate that you love…do you really? Do you really fucking hate it? Do you really hate it when his kiss makes you feel alive again? You spent months feeling out of breath and now it’s gone. You can breathe again. At least metaphorically, physically he’s got you very close to passing out. You push at him to get distance. Air. He lets you breathe, but not escape. He pushes you to your sofa until your legs collide with the back of it. Your shaky breaths intermingle, your shared moans follow. His right hand slides to your ass, his knee lifts to your middle. 

You gasp, grinding down on him. You can’t protest because he kisses you so deeply it feels as if he wanted to consume your soul. He kisses and gropes, kisses and gropes until air is sparse. He gasps.

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m fucked”, he gets out and pulls your head back so he could drag his tongue up your throat. 

It should disgust you, but it doesn’t. You moan, running your nails down his chest and arching your back. He lifts his head, looking at you with drunken, crazed obsession. His fingers just can’t stay still on your body. It is as if he wanted to touch everywhere at all times. The attention makes you short of breath.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

You touch his cheek. He leans into your palm, closing his eyes when you trace his scar. You were with him when he got it. It was during a fight. He fought with his fists, his opponent chose the cowardly way and pulled a knife on him. He was lucky that he didn’t lose his eyesight. He hated it at first, but you made him feel handsome. You always looked out for him that way.

“Do you…do you think I’m handsome?” he asks. Such questions you only get when he’s drunk. 

“I do.”

His breath trembles as it leaves him. He drops his hand from your hips to take out his cock. He touches himself, gazing at you as if he needed the view of you to stay hard. And he does. He needs you. You are the only person who can turn him on.

You look at what his hand is doing, gulping heavily. He sighs, gazing at your face. You are as mesmerised by him as you were when everything was still good between you and him. His cock still has the same effect on you.

“Princess?” he tilts your head back up to meet your eyes, using only two fingers under your chin for it. 

You meet his eyes, heart racing unbearably.

“Yes?” One little lift of his brows and you give him the answer he craved. 

You part your legs, tilting your hips closer to him. You nod your head vigorously, gazing at his cock again.

He doesn’t bother to pull his pants down all the way, neither does he care about taking off your panties. He pushes them to the side and stuffs you full of him, gripping the edge of the couch and your right thigh as deep moans leave him. Your right leg is lifted like this, supported by him.

You gasp, tensing up. Your toes curl instantly, your fingers clutch his lower arms. His cock stretches you out and stuffs your walls. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is definitely intense. You gasp again, looking at him with widened eyes.

“I know baby, I know”, he breathes and bottoms out. “It’s been too long. Fuck.” 

He moves, chasing your warmth in drunk, sloppy thrusts. You writhe and gasp repeatedly, scratching the back of his neck. You want to hate that you love him. He should feel like an intruder. You should want to kick and scream for help. But you don’t want to. You feel whole again. No preparation, but he doesn’t hurt. His kiss and touch was enough. Your addiction to him runs so deep that his cock is pure heroin to you.

“Yoongi”, you get out, grabbing his throat. Your thumbs are on his Adam’s apple, threatening to press down.

He smiles, “I love you”, he gasps out and drops his head against yours. His long hair tickles your face, his drunken breath swirls over your skin. He gulps and moans under your fingers, pumping into you with no signs of slowing down. You start losing strength in your calf, standing like this is exhausting, but if you were being honest, you don’t want it to stop. 

“I hate you.”

“Fucking kill me then”, he rasps.

You close your fingers slightly.

“Harder. This isn’t gonna do it.”

“You first.”

“Fuck, baby”, he gets out and lifts you so he could round the sofa with you. He pins you down into the pillows, ripping the panties off of you and kicking his pants off. He pushes into you before you can truly realise what was happening, feeding you all of him until he can’t give any more. He twists the pillow next to your head as he takes on a punishing rhythm. His dark hair hangs into his face, his teeth are bared as he huffs like an angry animal.

“Yoon-”

“I know, baby I know. You already told me, baby. I know”, he whispers, wiping your cheek, “take me, I know you can. You’re my baby, you’re made for me.”

His praise is like medicine to you. This is all you needed. To know that he is still obsessed with you and that you still affect him. 

You close your legs around his hips, keeping him with you this way. You need him to always stay like this. He moans your name, slipping his fingers from your cheek to hold the pillow instead. You told him that you hated him, but your body betrays you. Your eyes betray you. You keep him close, gaze at him as if he was your everything. Yoongi’s head is turning. Not only from the alcohol, but also from being with you again. And from knowing that you still loved him.

Because he loves you so much. He hates himself for taking you for granted. He never should have. You are his everything. The fucking reason why he does all of this. The last three months were torture for him. He started smoking again, drank too much, slept too little, worked too many hours. And if he didn't distract himself with work, he tried thinking up ways of showing you that he was still there for you. He ordered his officers to look out for you, sent food deliveries to your place, parked in front of your place somewhere hidden to watch you smoke on the staircase. He also followed you sometimes after you confessed to him that some of his goons were terrorising you. And each time he followed you, he wished for you to notice him just so he could get a chance at talking to you again. But you never did and Yoongi thought that you will come back again soon. Then you told him that you would move and Yoongi finally broke. He was truly losing you. Three months of hell, of lonely nights and heartbreak and he was truly losing you. 

“I missed you”, he gets out, painting his name against your favourite spots. The eagerness with which you clasp him results in your hips to lift off the pillow, allowing your clit to grind against him each time he bottoms out. The necklaces he is wearing are tangling over your face. They were too long once, but Yoongi cut them to the perfect length so they wouldn't hit your face when you are underneath him. That was six months ago. During a time you thought he didn’t care anymore. You feel so stupid now. His way of showing you that he cared was always there. He was always looking out for you. You were just too blind to see. 

You gasp and whimper, mewl and keen, looking up at him with teary eyes and your fingers closing around nothing. You can’t tell him that you missed him too because you are too overwhelmed. 

“Did you miss me too?” but Yoongi is drunk tonight and when he is drunk he is needy for your affection. 

You nod your head. 

“Say it.”

“I missed you”, you get out, following it up with a sob. 

“Baby, I love you”, he croaks, wiping your tears before dropping his forehead against yours, “I love you, baby, I love you. Don’t leave me again, please.”

“You’re so drunk.”

“Yeah, drunk ‘cause of you. Thought I’ll lose you. Baby, I can’t lose you”, he croaks and shows you his honesty with passionate rolls of his hips. Somehow he goes even deeper than before, he hits your favourite spots even better. 

You arch your back and scream his name, throwing your head back as best as possible. This is electric. Holy shit, he makes you feel good. Your face scrunches up against your will, your feet shake on his back. 

Yoongi admires you with a pounding head and racing heart, repeating what he did before over and over and over again. You react in mewls and moans and screams and he can’t get enough of it. He wants for you to lose your fucking voice because you couldn’t stop screaming for him. Because if you sound like this for him, he makes you happy. It has been too long since you actually screamed this way, so Yoongi is especially affected by tonight.

He laces his fingers with yours – again, he is drunk – and squeezes them needily. He thinks that he is crying too. He watches pearls of something drip onto your face sometimes. His eyes also burn. He doesn’t want it to stop. He is willing to carry his emotions on his sleeve if it meant you were happy again.

“Is this what you needed? Does this finally make you fucking happy?” he gets out, chasing the ecstasy as much as he helps you with your own pleasure trip.

You squeeze his hands back, making him moan your name.

“Ye-yes.”

“Argh”, he growls, trying so much harder to fuck you right. It feels so good. He has to tell you. He stayed silent way too often in the past. You want his efforts and he wants to give them to you. “You feel so good.”

The first confession was hard because he isn’t used to sharing his feelings. It was hard, but it was also ecstatic because your sounds of pleasure became louder and you tightened around him, squeezing his hands happily. 

“You feel so good. You feel so fucking good. You feel so good, princess. You feel…so good”, he can’t stop now that he started, telling you over and over and over again how you make him feel. Good. So good. He feels so good when he is with you. “You are so good. Princess, fuck. I have to..I, I have to- ah!” 

You open your eyes in time with Yoongi collapsing on top of you. He whimpers into the crook of your neck, shaking almost pathetically.

There are two things you always believed to be true about Yoongi. First: When he fucks, his moans are always deep, raspy and growly. Second: He has perfect control over his orgasms. 

Both of these things are getting proven wrong to you right here and now as he whimpers and shakes and paints your walls with his unexpected orgasm. You want to blame the alcohol on it and maybe the months of abstinence, perhaps even the fear of losing you paired with the relief of having you again. Holy fuck, he actually loves you doesn’t he?

“I love you”,  he sobs, hugging you close. 

“Yoongi ah”, he breaks you with his confession and the tenderness with which he holds you. You swear that you can taste colours for a moment. You haven’t felt honestly good in your own skin in months. This right here is what feeling good is. This is it. 

You don’t know who comes down first. You think it is Yoongi, but even if he does, he doesn’t pull out. He lets you shake and throb and clench around him until your moment of peak pleasure is over as well. He holds you silently afterwards, catching his breath in the crook of your neck. He missed your scent like nothing else. Truly, it leaves him so drugged out that he actually finds himself drooling as he smiles like a giddy boy. 

You calm down with his weight atop your chest, his length still inside you and his hair between your fingers. It is still a little stiff and crusty from the variety of hair products he keeps in it during his day job. To think that mere hours ago, you were screaming at each other in his office. It feels so far away to you now. Like a memory of an unbelievable life.

You don’t hate that you love him. You really don’t. 

“How.” He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Are you sore? Does anything hurt?”

“No, but I’m leaking.”

“Fuck”, he laughs into your shoulder, nibbling on it gently, “sorry, I just…am drunk and missed you.”

“You were pathetic doing that.”

He laughs harder. You and he have a peculiar sense of humour. He knows that you meant it fondly. You laugh as well. He lifts his head at the sound of it, cupping your cheek. 

“If it means you’re laughing, I can live with being pathetic.”

Your heart flutters.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Booze. Way too much booze.”

You laugh again. His eyes soften, he caresses your face. 

“Definitely too much booze, yeah”, you agree.

“Mhm, fuck.” He cuddles into your shoulder again. “I’m sleeping here.”

“And you think I’d let you?”

He nods his head.

“Fuck, you’re the worst.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not.”

You wake up alone the next morning. It hurts. So nothing changed. He got what he wanted, made you addicted again only to leave. Like he always did. And you are left feeling dirty and used and fucking awful. 

You probably would have stayed in bed to cry the entire day if a very worrying noise hadn’t come from outside your door. Someone’s in your kitchen. You roll out of bed and leave the room. You don’t need weapons today. You are angry enough that you will probably be able to beat whoever is dumb enough to break in. 

You cross the corner and stop, lowering your fists.

Yoongi. 

He took a shower and tied all of his wet hair into a messy bun. He is shirtless, wearing a towel around his hips. Music is playing from his phone while on the stove, breakfast is sizzling. 

“You?”

He turns at the sound of your voice, face lighting up instantly. 

“Good morning, beautiful”, he says, closing the distance to take you into a hug. “Did you sleep well?”

You don’t answer him, you push at his chest so you could look at him. You can’t believe that he is still here and that he is making you breakfast.

“What’s the matter?” he asks. 

“Why the fuck are you still here?”

He furrows his brows, “why not?”

“I, I don’t know. I just, just. I thought that…huh? You didn’t leave?”

He frowns in regret for a moment, before leaning in to kiss your cheek. He gives your left buttock an almost playful squeeze afterwards, stepping back to return to the cooking.

“I’m making your favourite. I also cleaned. Your place was a shithole, honestly.”

Still flabbergasted beyond relief, you look around your small apartment. He didn’t just clean up the garbage and tidy, he fully wiped the place down. You check the clock next. It’s way past one at noon. You slept for more than twelve hours. Damn. You never even realised how much sleep these last three months took from you until you finally fell asleep in his arms again and actually stayed asleep. You feel refreshed and not uncomfortable in your own skin. 

Last, you look at Yoongi. He is humming to the music, switching between stirring the eggs in the pan and chopping up some pork belly. 

At first you don’t want to accept that this is actually happening to you, but then the desire to be close to him gets too grande to bear. You almost run to him, colliding with his back in a passionate hug. 

He stumbles and grunts, following it up with a fond chuckle and his big hands rubbing your lower arms. 

“Please don’t make me regret this again. Please.”

He turns in your arms, caressing your waist. He shakes his head, looking at you in ways he hasn’t looked at you in ages. As if he honestly loved you. 

“Can you promise me?”

“I promise you, baby”, he says in a soft voice and locks pinkies with you. 

The gesture is so cute and honest, that you have to stifle a giggle. Your heart hasn’t fluttered like this in ages.

“I have an idea. How about I’ll take next week off and we’re leaving this city for a while? Maybe the mountains? You’d like the air there”, he suggests. 

“Are you serious? Do you actually mean that?”

He nods his head. You and he began swaying to the music, looking at nothing else but the other. 

“But first I gotta sort out the mess I made when I busted V’s place”, he says.

“Yeah true.” You slap his chest. “Fuck you for that. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I know. I acted irrationally, I admit. But I’m gonna fix this. You know how easily I can make stuff disappear. He’ll be able to return again in a week or so.”

“I hope you’ll fix this, you idiot you.”

“Mhm, I will and then I’m taking you on a long vacation”, he says, kissing your forehead before hugging you against his chest.

You close your eyes, melting into his chest. 

“And when we’re there, I’m gonna make you breakfast and make you cum and make you smile. Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah”, you snicker.

He smells like your shower gel today, but you don’t mind. He hasn’t shown such an actual desire to change in months and it feels so good to receive. You love that you love him. You really do. 

“I love you, Yoongi”, you whisper, feeling him squeeze you for just a moment as your confession overwhelms him. 

“I love you too, princess”, he tells you and he is sober for it because he swore to himself that he won’t need alcohol anymore to be able to show you his affection. 

He is willing to better himself, he truly is and a week later, you and he are in his car on your way to a long vacation in the mountains.

[ah-ga-seven]

The Naked Neighbor II

>>PART ONE<<

Pairing: Fem!reader x Choi Soobin

Word count: 16,6k

Genre: Smut, Comedy, Fluff, lighthearted Angst.

Synopsis: Life is dull, until a new neighbor moves in across the street. His name was Soobin, a mysterious loner who lived in his own bubble and was incredibly hard to get close to. One night, as y/n was in her bedroom, she saw Soobin through the window, freshly out of the shower in full view, which accounted for a series of interesting events as she notices a pattern in his nightly routine.

Warnings: mature contents regarding sex and especially voyeurism. Further mentions of drugs and alcohol. This story will also contain mentions of broken homes, parental issues and verbally abusive fights.

(A/N) It's been long overdue, but please read part one again if you haven't freshened up your memory, a lot of details from part one are mentioned in part two!

Soobin pulled you into him, guarding you from the atrocious sight that was too late to unsee.  

Your mother had already covered herself up, as did Soobin’s father who was quickly on his feet.  

“Son…” he tried with a soft voice.  

“Shut the fuck up.” Soobin seethed through his teeth.  

Your mother was quiet, carefully eyeing you to study your reaction but when she saw your face buried in Soobin’s chest she knew enough.  

Your breathing started to intensify but whatever alcohol was left in your system gave you the guts to look your mom in the eye with utter shock and disgust written all over your face. “First my mom, now Isabelle?” Soobin questioned as his blood started to boil even more than before.  

“Son..I-”  

“Please…shut up, nothing you’d say right now would make things better.”  

You ignored Soobin and his dad, still staring at your mother in pure disbelief as she looked at you with big guilty eyes. Being disappointed by her was the default setting of your relationship, but knowing that even a marital status didn’t stop her from getting with Soobin’s dad actually made you sick to your stomach.  

“Soobin let’s go.” You tug at his arm as you break eye contact with your mother, avoiding eye contact with his dad altogether.  

“Come on, let’s go.” You drag him out of the house, hearing your mom call for you but you slammed his front door behind yourselves and speed walked towards your house with your arms crossed over your chest. You were trying to walk faster than Soobin with your heart thumping loudly and irregularly from all the adrenaline but he had already caught up to you, hauling you back by your shoulder.  

“Hey, hey y/n.” He turned you around but you couldn’t dare look into his eyes. For some reason, you felt guilty.  

“Soobin I’m…so…so sorry for what my mom did. I can’t even begin to apologize. If you don’t want anything to do with me I totally get it. I-”  

“Hey, woah. Stop. They’re both at fault. My dad is, just as much as your mom. Nothing we said or did could’ve predicted this.”  

You bite your lip, staring at the liveliness in your house from just meters away. “I don’t want to go back in there,” you whisper, getting choked up. “What do we even say.” You were starting to panic a little. “We can’t stay here either, what if they come after us? I-I don’t w-wanna talk to them.”  

Soobin watched the brims of your eyes fill with tears, making his own widen in response. “Come here.” He pulled you towards him mindlessly, enveloping you in his warm embrace and all you could do was give in. You nuzzled your nose in his neck, inhaling his scent as you wrapped your arms around him too. It calmed you down fast enough because for once you weren’t alone.  

You were not ready for the aftermath of all of this. You never wanted to see your mom again, let alone talk to her.  

“There you guys are…woah…everything okay?” Beomgyu walked towards the two of you from the porch, noticing the tears in your eyes. He froze, not fully grasping reality since he was drunk himself. You quickly untangled yourself from Soobin and shot him a look that he immediately understood. Lie.  

Soobin straightened out his back, giving Beomgyu a reassuring smile. “She’s just emo because she loves you guys so much.”  

Beomgyu’s jaw dropped, smirking as he enveloped you in a hug. “AWHHH, me too.” You inhaled sharply, feeling the cool midnight breeze pierce through your nostrils as all the air got knocked out of your lungs from the tight hold he had on you.  

You awkwardly patted Gyu’s back until he let go of you in the weird chokehold-like hug he had you trapped in. He stumbled a step back, assessing both of you from head to toe. “No drinks?” he asks disappointed, throwing his hand up to his forehead to add dramatics.  

“No.” it was a swift and unified response from both you and Soobin, which had Beomgyu moping.  

“Ugh, well… most people are leaving anyway it's already 3 am.”  

Silence took over the atmosphere for a few painful seconds but it felt like forever in your head. You quickly snapped out of it though. Straightening out your posture after taking a quick glance at Soobin who was lost in thought as well.  

“H-hey. Beomgyu. Can we crash at yours?” you ask giving Beomgyu a hopeful look, hoping his intoxication wouldn’t question you.  

“Why? You literally live here.”  

Shit.  

“I know I just…” you pause for a second, taking a quick glance at Soobin who was giving you just as much of a confused expression as Beomgyu. “I don’t want to be alone in the house with all the mess everywhere.”  

You were a horrible liar. And Beomgyu noticed how you weren’t telling him the whole story. Something about the look in your eyes screamed of desperation. You really didn’t want to be home. And apparently, Soobin’s house wasn’t an option either.  

“Sure.” Beomgyu sighed, deciding not to go against you. He’ll find out later, and from the looks of it, it wasn’t Soobin at fault so who cares.  

You looked visibly relieved, as did Soobin who hooked an arm around your waist so you’d turn to him once Beomgyu stumbled back inside the house without giving the two of you a second glance.  

“Are you okay?” Soobin asked, his gaze softening once your eyes locked.  

“No. And neither are you. I’m in survival mode right now I don’t know what to do or think.” You sigh throwing your head back, kicking a random rock on the sidewalk.  

“Why can’t I have nice things happen to me for once,” you groaned.  

Soobin snorted, looking back at his house with a heavy heart which made his smile drop. If it wasn’t for you he would’ve gone back inside and punched his dad in the face. After everything, he still found new ways to fuck up. Hell, Soobin even started to feel bad for Isabelle.  

He scrunched his nose. “Should we just go to Beomgyu’s now? I’m not trying to linger around much longer for them to run after us.” He tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear, the sweet gesture pulling you out of the depths of your mind, mustering up your last bit of energy to crack a slight smile for him.  

“Yeah, let’s leave.”  

Luckily Beomgyu’s parents were on a trip to visit Gyu’s grandparents over the weekend cause it saved you A LOT of explaining and well…lying. The spare key was where it always was which made entering his house a no-brainer.  

You turned on the lights and took off your shoes, letting Soobin explore a bit in silence as you made some tea. After a minute he found you in the kitchen, taking out cups from the cabinet to then pour some hot water into both of them. “You really know your way around here.” Soobin remarks, sitting down on one of the barstools at the breakfast bar.  

“Yeah, I basically grew up in this house.”  

“Hmm…” Soobin once again realized the depth of your friendship with Beomgyu. He knew he had nothing to worry about but it was safe to say that he had a slight pinch of jealousy for the history you had with him and your other friends. He wished he could say he knew you better than them. But he didn’t…not yet at least.  

“What’s up?” you place the cup in front of him as you lean on your elbows opposite of where he was standing,  giving him a confused pout when you sense a change in his body language.  

He looked at you with a coy smile, slowly shaking his head as he fiddled with his fingers. “I was just thinking we’re not even that close.”  

You deadpanned at him, blinking in confusion. “You…you’ve seen me naked.”  

He snorted. “I know! But I mean, like I barely know you. The dumb trivial shit. From your favorite movie genres to your most embarrassing childhood stories, I want to know It all. I want to know you.”  

You looked at him with endearment, you could tell how sincere he was as he slipped back into his own train of thought. He has never felt this way about someone before. Liking someone so much so that it makes you openly desperate wasn’t really Soobin’s approach to dating. Usually, he’s the one being pushed around and sought after but you were different. If you’d ask him to jump, he’d ask you how high which basically meant that he was down bad.  

“I like dramas but also scary movies, and when I was seven years old I peed my pants during gym class. Luckily no one noticed but it was still really, really embarrassing.” Soobin looked at you with wide eyes, suppressing an obnoxious laugh that was boiling in his throat. Instead, he just huffed as the corners of his mouth curled upwards.  

“When I was 9 I slipped and fell face first into a puddle in front of my elementary school crush. She just laughed at me and I was so embarrassed that I started rolling around in the puddle to make it look intentional.” Soobin confessed, making you clutch your hand over your own mouth as you doubled over in laughter. He smiled with sparkles in his eyes as he watched your face contort with joy again after everything that happened tonight, and that’s how the rest of the next hour or so was spent. Telling each other stories about yourselves that didn’t matter anymore, though they did shape you into the people you were today. And, truth be told it was exactly the type of distraction that both of you so desperately needed right now.  

It was almost as if you two were going backwards. You were emotionally connecting with a one-night stand after the physical connection was formed, but there was so much more to your relationship already prior to sleeping together, so your dynamic was odd, to say the least.  

It was like hanging with an old friend, who you have a mutual crush on, but don’t know much about even though you’ve already made core memories with him. Hell, you even shared a traumatic night together already.  

Yeah…weird.  

Your conversation went on and on, shifting from the kitchen to the living room and by now the two of you had fallen asleep on opposite ends of the couch with both of your legs entangled.  

The sight was quite adorable from Beomgyu’s point of view who came home just a minute ago. He smiled softly as he draped a blanket over the two of you, leaving to go upstairs to shower and go to bed himself.  

“Dude I can’t believe you dipped like that. What the fuck happened? I get you’re horny and all but your mom literally came home in hysterics asking us where you were. She looked so worried and you didn’t answer your damn phone either.”  

You were awake for all of 5 minutes when you ran into Yeonjun in Beomgyu’s kitchen. You didn’t even know how he or when he got to the house, but you could only assume he came to find you because he was pissed, rightfully so.  

You opened your mouth and closed it again, not really knowing if Soobin wanted people to know about what happened yet.  

“If a lie comes out of your mouth, y/n. I swear to god.” Yeonjun growled.  

You stare at your fingers as you fiddled with them, not even noticing that Beomgyu came downstairs to join the conversation at the sound of Yeonjun’s nagging.  

He stood beside Yeonjun, ears perking up when he heard the shuffles of Soobin’s footsteps as he approached the three of you in the kitchen.  

You look up as you feel his presence next to you, and somehow you feel relief wash over your body. Even though he made your heart beat faster every time he was close to you, you also felt at peace with him in the room.  

“Wanna tell them?” Soobin asks you as he rests his hand on your lower back.  

Yeonjun gave both of you a look after searching for answers in Beomgyu’s eyes, but he just shrugged at his older friend, letting him know that this whole thing was a mystery to him too.  

You pout, raking your hand through your hair as your mouth becomes dry. “We uhm…” you start, but fall silent again trying to collect your thoughts.

“Babe, the suspense,” Yeonjun says crossing his arms to show his lack of patience, and that’s when Soobin took it upon himself to rip the inevitable band-aid off.  

“We walked in on our parents…having sex.” He says before pursing his lips together in anticipation of their reaction.  

You close your eyes at Soobin’s words. Feeling anger boil in your stomach at the thought of the cursed images in your head and the fact that you were going to have to face your mom sooner or later.  

Beomgyu’s eyes dangerously protruded out of his skull as Yeonjun’s hand clasped over his mouth to muffle a bewildered gasp. This is the last thing they expected to come out of your mouths.  

“There ain’t no way…how? What…” Beomgyu was left speechless for what seemed to be the first time in his fucking life and Yeonjun’s gaze immediately softened as he laid eyes on you. “You’re joking, is this a joke? Cause it ain’t funny.” Yeonjun tried to laugh but your stoic response made him realize you weren’t joking at all.  

“Y-your mom? With his dad?” Yeonjun asks pointing from you to Soobin and all you could do was nod avoiding eye contact.  

“Damn guys…that’s fucked. I don’t know what else to say.” Yeonjun says with a pout as he grabs your hand over the counter, squeezing it for assurance as a way of telling you that he’s here for you.  

“…Isn’t your dad like…married?” Beomgyu spits out without thinking. Yeonjun shot Beomgyu a glare but Soobin simply nodded for a lack of knowing what else to say. “Dad of the year am I right,” he says shrugging his feelings away. “I’m dreading going back there,” he adds looking at you to see you lost in thought. “Me too.” Your voice was almost inaudible, and watching you so pained by the whole situation made Beomgyu want to step in and do something to cheer you up.  

“You two can stay here, I just need to figure out what to tell my parents,” Beomgyu suggests, his tapioca pearl pupils seemed to grow with excitement by the thought of having you two move in here but it was short-lived.  

“No, I’m the worst liar. Thank you for the offer though.” Soobin says scratching the back of his neck.  

“Booo.” Beomgyu huffs giving you both a childish thumbs down, followed by a smack on his arm from Yeonjun. “But I get it. Totally.” Beomgyu quickly corrects himself, rubbing his tingling arm before giving Yeonjun a kittenish angry scowl.  

Soobin scoffed in amusement as you chuckle at the two of them before sharing your thoughts. “It’s going to raise suspicion. Plus, our moms are friends. She’ll call her immediately and I don’t want anyone to find out. This town is too small for something as big as this.”  

“Yeah. If Gyu’s mom knows, Tae’s mom knows, and if Tae’s mom knows Huening’s mom knows, and if Huening’s mom knows, my mom knows, and then the whole town will know.”  Yeonjun says dramatically counting his fingers with each one of their moms added to the list.  

“Then you take after your mom, for sure.” Beomgyu retorts rolling his eyes.  

“Proudly, and what about it,” Yeonjun argues, letting his index finger push Beomgyu’s forehead away.  

“Damn, it’s that serious?” Soobin asked wide-eyed, to which you all just nodded.  

“This town is like a gossip girl spin-off.” Yeonjun chuckled.  

You bite your lip, looking at the three of them. “I don’t think we have much of a choice other than to go home and…deal with it.”  

Soobin anxiously nodded at your statement. Sighing as he threw his head back in defeat. “Can’t wait...”  

You paced back and forth in front of your house for a good minute before entering, but just like you suspected already from the missing car in front; your mom wasn’t home.

You sighed in relief, and quickly inspected the after-party damage but to your surprise, the place was left spotless. You inwardly simped for your friends as you stood motionless in the middle of your living room, taking a mental note to thank Hueningkai and Taehyun for staying behind to clean up.  

You fluffed a random pillow and bit your lip, wondering if Soobin made it past the front door already. Just as you were going up to your room, the front door opened which made you freeze in place in the middle of the staircase. The sound of her heels on the hardwood floor confirmed it was your mom, followed by the sound of her voice.  

“Y/n!” she gasped, not expecting to see you back so soon. You tried to jolt back upstairs but your mom literally launched herself forward in an attempt to grab your ankle, which she did. You nearly tripped over, turning your torso towards her to send daggers at her through your eyeballs. “Really!?”  

“Next time you run away from home at least tell me where you’re going.”  

“That defeats the purpose of running away.”  

“Sweetie…”  

“Don’t sweetie me, I don’t want to talk to you. Let go of me so I can shower and ignore you for the rest of my life.” You were still spread out on the stairs with your mom clasped around your leg like a koala holding on to its sacred branch. It must’ve been a funny sight to see, but you wanted her off. You started to shake your leg with her still wrapped around it, and when you accidentally hit her in the nose she finally let go.  

“Ouch, you little shit.” She let go of you and got back on her feet again, giving you an annoyed scowl.  

“Deserved. Period. Maybe you won’t stick your nose in other people’s marriages now,” you tell her, knitting your eyebrows together to look extra mad. 

“…Oh y/n. Don’t make me the bad guy. I just took the bait. Don’t think I’m the only other woman he’s slept with during his marriage.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes.  

“…What.”  

“He’s a serial cheater. A piece of shit, but a hot one though. I won’t do it again if that’s what you want to hear. I’m sorry you had to see that.” She nodded, blinking slowly like a cat trying to show affection, but you shot her the same unamused glare from before.  

“I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth mom.” You give her a stoic look, not knowing whether to believe the first or latter part of her twisted apology.  

“Then don’t baby,” she shrugged, straightening out her dress as she walks down the stairs. “Dinner’s in the fridge buttercup.” She yells out before disappearing into the living room.  

You were holding onto the stair railing for dear life, frustration overriding your emotions. It was always like this. She’d brush over every disappointing situation with an insincere apology followed by pretending as if nothing ever happened. It’s like she doesn’t comprehend the depth of her actions and that they don’t just revolve around her alone. She made Soobin’s dad out to be the sole antagonist and even if he did sleep around, it doesn’t make your mom’s part in this whole ordeal any less significant.  

You were used to your mom and her antics. Her inability to feel for anyone but you and herself but it never affected people you cared for before, until now.  

She never stopped to think about how this affects you, Soobin, or Isabelle. How it could potentially wreck Soobin’s already broken home. Even though she knew everything he had been through she still decided to take part in ruining his life some more and that alone made you hate her.  

Angry fumes started to burn your earlobes. She’s not sorry she did it. She’s sorry she got caught.  

You dragged yourself up the stairs, wondering if your ability to feel empathy came from your deadbeat dad who abandoned you as a kid but that thought alone made zero sense.  

Maybe you were adopted.  

You looked at yourself in the mirror, sighing as you splashed some cold water in your face but when you came back up and saw the resemblance you had to both your mom and dad you nearly broke the mirror with your fist. The brims of your eyes filled with tears as you balled your fists on the counter, biting your lip until you tasted iron.  

You stepped out of your clothes and set the water temperature of your shower at a literal lava setting, hoping that the steam would not only clear out your sinuses but your mind.  

You had no idea what to do next, but all that you could really do was be brutally honest with Soobin and hope for the best as you continued to ignore your mothers’ existence. Your heart hurts for him more than ever, especially since he will start feeling the aftermath now that he’s decided to go home.  

Soobin didn’t even hesitate to walk into the house, his non-confrontational nature vanished when he saw his dad on that godforsaken couch, reading with his glasses on the tip of his nose bridge as if nothing happened. He took big strides over to him, ready to yell at his father and demand an explanation but a voice broke him out of his fury.  

“Oh, Soobin. You’re back.” Isabelle smiled at him. “Your dad said you were staying at a friend's? How was the party?”  

Soobin’s dad looked at Soobin with dilated, scared yet strict pupils. He was silently telling him to lie for his sake and looking at Isabelle’s twinkly pupils, Soobin just couldn’t get himself to continue. “Uhm…it was fun. Took a different turn towards the end of the night though.”  

He gave his dad a look with pursed lips and watched as his fathers’ shoulders tensed up. “Oh, what do you mean?” Isabel walked over, setting down a plate with cut fruits for both of them.  

Soobin took a piece from the plate, biting into it as he remained eye contact with his dad. It was a subconscious move to show that his dad had no business being relaxed now that Soobin’s back home.  

He won’t say shit with Isabelle around, just because he cared about her feelings. But once she’s out of view shit was going to go down.  

He forgot Isabelle was still waiting for Soobin to respond so he quickly looked back at her, though she was already onto something.  

“Did you guys get into a fight again?”  

Soobin simply shook his head and that’s when his dad got up, walking towards Isabelle to place a kiss on her temple. “No hon, nothing to worry about. I’m going to take a shower so we can go to your parents later today.”  

“Ah, so you didn’t forget?” Isabelle smiled at him, it was almost pathetic how in love she looked.  

Soobin’s eyes turned sad and looked away as he bit his lip. “Uhm, do you guys mind if I stay in? I have a lot of homework I need to finish.”  

Isabelle looked at Soobin a tad disappointed but nodded, giving him a quick pat on the back. “You always work so hard. Don’t forget to eat okay.”    

Soobin nodded as watched his dad move up the stairs without a word, followed by Isabel who had to get ready as well.  

He sighed, throwing his large self on the couch before realizing what happened here. He stiffened and rolled right off, suppressing a gag as he made his way to the kitchen quickly to quench his disgust with tasty snacks.  

He opened a bag of random sweets, sitting at the breakfast bar as he angrily chewed on the way too sugary biscuits. This house was a ticking time bomb, and he had to get out before he’d get buried in the ruins of it.  

You stared at the mess that was your bedroom with loss. Not knowing where to start with cleaning. Naturally, you moved all the mess to your bed and started putting things away accordingly. Once your sheets were revealed under all the mess, instant butterflies kicked in when you remembered what happened on them last night.  

You bite your lip, slipping into a daydream before you knew it you were already texting him.  

[Y/N, 5:56 PM]: Hi 👀  

[Y/N, 5:56 PM]: How’d it go?  

[Soobin,  5:57 PM]: Hey ☺️

[Soobin,  5:57 PM]: Isabel was home so I didn’t really get a word in. I couldn’t do that to her. I want him to fess up himself yk. Buttt,they left for some dinner a few minutes ago so I haven’t seen him really.  

[Soobin, 5:57 PM]: What I don’t get is how he can lie and pretend so fucking easily. It’s scary. It’s like don’t know who he is anymore.  

[Y/N, 5:58 PM]: ugh, I can’t. this is so messed up...  

[Soobin, 5:58 PM]: And you? How are things with your mom?  

[Y/N, 5:58 PM]: She’s…my mom. So, she gives me one insincere apology and pretends as if nothing happened. She even tried to blame your dad for all of it.  

[Soobin, 5:58 PM]: Damn…how so?

[Y/N, 5:59 PM]: I’ll tell you later, just don’t get how I came out of someone like her  

[Soobin, 5:59 PM]: Hmm ok, and same here. Can we talk about something else? Anything else? I would like some normalcy today.

You sigh, looking at your closed curtains, immediately getting the best worst idea ever. You walked over and ripped them open, seeing Soobin at his desk in front of his window.  

Really…he’s still living curtainless. STILL!?  

You shake your head, looking down at your phone again, and started typing.  

[Y/N, 6:01 PM]: Look up.  

As you press send you excitedly awaited his response and that’s when your eyes locked through your windows. A mischievous smile crept on his cute ass lips. He cockily leaned back in his chair and proceeded to rake his hand through his hair.  

He averted his attention back to his phone and looked your way again when your phone buzzed in your palm.  

You boldly kept eye contact until he lifted his phone up to your view, pointing at it to tell you to look.  

[Soobin, 6:02 PM]: cute jammies, what are those? Teddy bears?  

You looked down at your childish pajama set and felt your ears heat up. You didn’t even realize that you were wearing your most sexless sleepwear and laughed, doing random poses for him as you modeled your cute little outfit.  

Soobin bit his lip, chuckling at your antics with an amused glint in his eyes.  

You quickly grab your phone.  

[Y/N, 6.04 PM]: Don’t leave me hanging, show me your jammies.

Soobin looked from his phone to you with a dumbfounded look, giving you a  sassy smirk before he sent you another message.  

[Soobin, 6.05 PM]: Can’t do that. I sleep nude.

He eyed your reaction from afar and when your eyes got big as you look from your screen to him, he folded in laughter.  

You pout at him, giving him a thumbs down closer to the window this time while mouthing a stretched-out ‘Booo’  

He rolled his eyes at you, getting up to get closer to the window. You didn’t know what he was doing when you cocked your head to the side in confusion, watching him intently with a playful smirk.  

Soobin then lifted up his shirt, showing you his bare chest before sending you a sarcastic flying kiss and it had you rolling your eyes at him this time. He laughed at you. His eyes disappearing into crescent moons as he clapped his large ass hands together with glee.  

Oh it’s on. Mischief took over on your side of the window. You looked around the neighborhood but no one seemed to be around and that’s when you decided to just do what you initially intended to do.  

You maintained eye contact and lifted your top up, showing your bare boobs to him on full display for two good seconds as you mimicked his teasing from before. You dropped your top back down and watched his face go full tomato as his mouth fell agape. You were laughing so hard that you had to double over in order to catch a breath and that’s when your phone started buzzing in your pocket.  

You pick up with giggles, still enjoying the look on his face while he was frantically looking around to check if there were any neighbors out on the streets. “y/n!”  

Your laugh died down slowly. “Ahh, you should’ve seen your face.”  

“Omg, what if someone saw you? Are you crazy?”  

“Look who’s talking, you still don’t have blinds.”  

“It’s a delivery issue, they’ll be here soon” he pinched his eyes shut at a loss for words, looking at you rather lost soon after. “I- you’re insane.”  

“Dude. You mooned me on the first day, I just paid you back. We’re even now.” You smirked, but you watched Soobin grow more frustrated on his side of the window.  

“First off I wasn’t aware and SECOND, No, we’re not.” He growled pressing himself against the window.  

You lean forward to show some cleavage, unbuttoning the first button to give him even more of a show. “Why?” you coyly ask, biting your lip as you pressed your goods against the glass. “How bout’ now?”  

You watched him try to keep cool but the tent that was forming in his sweats was giving you the impression that it wasn’t working. He was flustered, yet didn’t want to lose control so easily.  

He licked his lips, staying silent for a second as he moved his phone from one ear to the other.  

“Get over here so I can suck on those titties.”  

His voice was low, serious, and demanding enough to make your knees grow weak.  

You choke on air, eyes growing wide as you swallow harshly. “U-uhm wow…C-can you give me like…3 minutes.”  

“3, not more.” He smirked at you and all you could do was nod as you watched him hang up the phone and walk out of his room.  

You quickly closed your curtains, changing into leggings and a top as fast as you could before collecting your toothbrush from the bathroom. You sprinted down the stairs, putting on your sneakers and a big ass trench coat that had pockets big enough for your phone, keys, toothbrush, and a set of fresh underwear.  

As your front door closed, his own opened. Soobin watched you cutely run over with soft smiles and giggles exchanged between the two of you. It was…disgustingly cute.  

Once you reached his front porch he lifted you off your feet, crashing his lips into yours as you clung onto his torso by wrapping your legs around his hips.  

The two of you made out as he walked both of you back into the house, crashing your back against the inside of his now-closed front door. You could barely see in the darkness of his hallway, letting your eyes get used to the dim lighting as his lips sensually moved against your own.  

His pillowy soft lips were tracing chaste kisses from your jaw to your chest and that’s when he ripped the coat off of you in one swift motion. His hands hungrily grabbed on to massage your boobs under your shirt when your lips reconnected with his own.  

It was messy but so good as you moaned into his mouth once his cold thumbs rolled against your nipples. “Fuck.” You huffed, rolling your core onto his hips to create the friction you so desperately longed for.  

Soobin grinned against your lips, leaning his forehead against yours as he lead you into the kitchen area. He propped you up on the counter of their breakfast bar and situated himself between your legs again. He bent his neck down to kiss you some more, slowly guiding his hands up and down your thighs. You were so out of breath that you broke the kiss, looking up at him through your lashes. He felt his heart swell as you did, smiling at him shyly before hiding your face in his chest. Damn you were cute. Fucking adorable to be exact.  

He chuckled and toyed with the hem of your top before lifting it over your head. Quickly discarding of the useless item of clothing and immediately got busy with your boobs, kissing and sucking on them just like he promised to. Your eyes lulled back, enjoying the divine feeling as a few strained moans left your lips. He stopped in his tracks, creating some distance to look at your body.  

“Shit.” He cursed, smiling down at you in complete awe of how gorgeous you looked right now. You returned the smile, your fingers nimbly curling around the waistband of his sweats and Calvins. “I want these off…” you whisper in his ear, making every hair on his neck stand up straight as a chill runs down his spine. “I still haven’t sucked your dick.” You confidently state, reminiscing back to what he said to you last night. “Blowjobs can wait” well…not anymore.  

“Then get to it” he mused, patting your hair adoringly as he tilted your chin upwards to look at him with his index finger.  

You paused for a second, “H-here?” you say looking around his large kitchen. It had a similar layout to yours, the only difference was that it had no windows. Thank god.  

“Well we can’t really go into my room unless you’re still into that whole voyeurism thing…so-”  

You shut him up with yet another kiss, pinching his cheeks together with your thumb and index finger as you guided your tongue into his mouth sensually and slowly. He closed his eyes for a second until you disconnected your lips from his, still pinching his cheeks together with a seductive smile on your shiny and absolutely swollen lips.  

“Where do you want me?”  

“On your knees.” His reply was short and hot enough to get you going as you let go of his face until he interrupted you. “But be careful, it’s a tile floor your knees might bruise.”  

You snorted, finding it cute how his sweetness always seemed to shine through even in sinful moments like these. “I don’t mind a few bruises.” You challenge him as you got down on your knees, looking up at him with big, innocent eyes and that visual alone pumped every drop of blood in his body straight to his dick.  

“You’re blue balling me.” He complained.  

“I’m not doing shit.”  

“That’s the problem.” He says and you chuckle lowly, finally pulling down his sweats when his hard, angry, and humongous dick springs free. It hadn’t even been 24 hours but you already forgot how big he actually was, and suddenly your confidence disappeared. Does your mouth even open wide enough to take him?  

“Hey.” He caressed your cheek with his thumb. “It’s okay, just go slow. It’s not like I’ll immediately shove it down your throat or anything.”  

“Hot, but no thanks. Not yet.” He scoffed at you playfully and you gulped, holding his shaft tightly. He was heavy in your palm and you weren’t shy to grab his whole sex from below his balls, propping him up for you nicely. He watched you closely, his gaze softening once your eyes found his again. You started collecting some spit in your mouth to then coat his tip with some so you could lubricate his length with your hand, twisting your wrist around to cover more of him. The friction wasn’t much but Soobin’s eyes were already closing, hearing a content sigh escape from his lips.  

You kept your eyes on him, licking from the start of his shaft to his tip to then take it into your mouth slowly. Sucking on just the head as you held his cock in place, eyeing how hot he looked as you slowly started to take him further into your mouth.  

You were fastening your pace and alternated from sucking, to licking and adding handwork when you felt like he needed the extra stimulation. You could tell the buildup was just right as he slowly started to lose control with being gentle, desperately rocking his hips forward from time to time as you did your thing.  

His moans were filling the room, bouncing off the walls in echo’s so soft and hot that it motivated you to take him further into your throat. He took a fistful of your hair, slowly guiding himself in and out of your mouth as he enjoyed the sloppy wet sounds of your suppressed little gags.  

He suddenly pulled out completely, taking over to pump himself really fast as he hovered his tip over your mouth. “S-shit baby, I-I’m-” he couldn’t even finish his sentence, you moaned to motivate him, placing your palms on his thighs, squeezing your eyes shut to prepare for what was to come and that’s when he coated your tongue, and chin with white spurts of his cum.    

You opened your eyes again, watching him see stars as he threw his head back for a second while he pumped out his high. It wasn’t long before you made eye contact though. Your sinful smile with strings of his manliness dripping down your lips almost made him cum a second time. He guided the lost droplets into your mouth with his tip so you sucked on it one last time, letting go with a pop while swallowing his load completely like a big girl.  

“Fuck…y/n, what the hell are you doing to me. Shit.” He kept cursing as he sweetly caressed your cheek again. You giggled and got up on your feet, turning around to rip off a piece of paper towel that was situated behind you on the counter and wiped your face and chest but it didn’t really do much. Soobin had literal twinkles in his eyes seeing the absolute mess he made of you, straight up looking like his personal hentai fantasy. “Damn,” he hummed contently trying to regulate his breathing so he could calm the fuck down.  

“I think I need another shower.” You sigh, looking down at yourself to assess the damage and once you locked eyes you both erupted in laughter.  

He laced his finger through yours, placing a sweet kiss on top of your hand.  

“I’ll lead the way.”  

After round two in the shower and round three under the sheets of his bed you knocked the fuck out. You were still situated on his chest when you slowly regained consciousness, but somehow waking up felt like hell. You were so disoriented and sore that it took you a minute to realize you weren’t in your own bed. You lifted your head from Soobin’s chest to look around but immediately regretted it. Squinting your burning eyes to get used to the obliterating amount of sunlight coming in through the window. How does he even sleep without blinds, you were seriously contemplating on dragging his ass to the nearest Ikea to come up with a temporary solution.  

Lost in grumpy thought you looked up at Soobin who was still sound asleep, his arm was wrapped around your waist tightly, the sheets barely covering him since you stole most of it in your sleep. His bunny lips were parted slightly, and from his breathing alone you could tell he was still far gone in dreamland. You couldn’t help but notice his beauty, softly smiling to yourself as you brush a piece of hair out of his eyes. You decided to let him sleep some more so you rested your head again, pressing your cheek flat against his chest with your eyes fluttering shut in peace but that same peace was soon disturbed when you heard voices coming from the hallway.  

“Is he ok? He usually doesn’t sleep in this late.” Isabelle’s voice was crystal clear and you were immediately alerted.  

Shit.  

Fuck.  

No.  

Please don’t check on him, please don’t check on him.  

“Should I check on him?” she asked again and that’s when you heard his dad’s voice.  

“No, let him sleep. Maybe he studied till late.”  

Your whole body relaxes as you let out a sigh of relief when you hear them walk down the staircase. You sit up, deciding to wake Soobin up because you still needed to have an actual conversation with him about your mothers’ accusations regarding his dad’s infidelity streak throughout his marriage.  

You seriously didn’t even know how to start, but waking him from his slumber was step one.  

“Hey.” You whisper as you shake him gently, but it only resulted in him mumbling something you didn’t quite understand as he stole the covers off of you, fully wrapping himself like a burrito as he turned his back to you. You chuckle, sitting up on your knees to violently shake him by grabbing onto his shoulders.  

“Wake uuuuuuuup” you nudge his back with your knee this time and that made him jolt right up, almost making you fall off the bed completely.  

He yelped but you quickly clasped your hand over his mouth as he stared at you in bewilderment. “Your parents.” You whispered as you took your hand off of his mouth and that’s when it struck him. “Fuck.”  

“Yeah.” You stare at his bedroom door for a second and almost scream out loud when you felt his cold hands wrap around your waist. He pulled you closer, moving you under him as he covered both of you with the blanket from head to toe. You were stuck beneath him in his makeshift fort and felt him nuzzle his face in your neck. “Now we’re invisible.” He muttered in his low sleepy voice, making you smile in defeat as you started to play with his hair.  

You felt your heart swell in your chest, realizing just how much of a simp you were. Fuck you might just be…falling in love.  

It’s like he noticed how hard your heart was pounding in your chest because he started rubbing your back in calming up and down motions and then it hit you like a brick wall.  

You haven’t felt this save in a man’s arms since…you were a kid.  

“I don’t want to get up.” He mumbled lost in thought, making you look up at him through your lashes. “Me neither.”  

You reluctantly let go of him, sitting up as you removed the covers from yourself and stared into nothingness for a second. Soobin eyed you carefully, putting his hand on your back for comfort. “You don’t have to talk to him or even look at him, I can easily sneak you out, it’s okay.” He was assuming you were stressed about seeing his dad again after everything but the actual thing you were stressed about was telling Soobin what your mom told you.  

You looked back at him and gave him a soft smile, grabbing his hand as you traced his veins gently. “Soobin I’m starting to really fucking like you.” You whisper with a slight crack in your voice which definitely didn’t go unnoticed.  

He sat up immediately, pouting at you as he pulled you close to him. “Ahwww” he furrowed his eyebrows. “Don’t worry okay? Me too. Me three. I do, I really do.” He smiled at you fondly, patting your hair before getting up out of bed. There was something so soft about his masculinity. He wasn’t scared to be affectionate or straightforward. It was one of his qualities you loved most which is what made you so comfortable around him.  

He quickly put sweatpants on and a random shirt he had laying around to then collect your scattered clothes around the room for you, handing them over to you with a shy smile and you instantly melted. You took the articles of clothing from his hold with both hands, and got up to get dressed, contemplating how to start a sudden loaded conversation with him. He watched you carefully, afraid you were going to vanish into thin air for some reason.  

It was scary how much he hated the idea of living here before, and now he couldn’t imagine ever leaving just because he met you. “I wish my mom got to meet you.” It slipped out of his mouth before he could even really think about it but that comment caught you off guard more than it should have.  

“I-” you swallowed harshly. “Me too.” Your eyes turned sad for a second and he immediately regretted what he said. “Ah, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get all emo on you.”  

Your eyes widened. “Don’t apologize. You’re allowed to miss her Soobin. I really wish I could’ve gotten to know her too, so I could thank her for birthing you. ” you giggled which made  Soobin sigh in relief at your words, giving you a shy smile before he averted his attention to the sudden buzzing of both of your phones.  

Soobin checked his phone, and to his surprise he was added to a group chat with you and your friends, all of them wondering how you two were doing as they spammed both of you with multiple texts. He sighed, showing you the chat once you were completely dressed.  

“They’re asking questions.”  

“Of course they are…” You quickly grab your phone, letting them know that you will talk to them at Uni tomorrow to shut them up for a while. You set your phone down beside you, looking at Soobin as he did the same.  

You bit your lip. “Soobin.”  

“Hmm?” he sat next to you on the bed, biting the inside of his cheek as he waited for you to start talking. “Remember last night when I told you that my mom tried to blame your dad for what happened…”  

Soobins ears perked up, and his body language completely changed, he nodded, waiting for you to continue.  

“While that…of course isn’t completely true, she did tell me that…apparently your dad is like…a serial cheater…” you wish that sentence came out of your mouth more coherently but looking at how Soobin’s whole body tensed up you recon that it wouldn’t have made a difference in outcome.  

“What?” his tone was so different from how he usually talks that it sent chills down your spine. You pouted. “My mom is a lot of things but she’s not a liar…she wouldn’t accuse him of something this big if she didn’t have proof.”  

Soobin closed his eyes, anger filling his whole body as he started to shake. You tried to put a hand on his shoulder but before you knew it he jolted out of the room in a split second.  

Your eyes widened, unsure of what was about to go down but you didn’t hesitate and ran right after him. He nearly flew down the stairs, angrily stomping through the house to find his dad and Isabel at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. 

Both of their eyes widened, and his dad immediately knew something was up. Right then Soobin grabbed him by his collar, easily lifting him off the chair and pushing him against the refrigerator door like a ragdoll. He was seething. Absolutely fuming.

“SOOBIN!” Isabelle got on her feet just as quickly and that’s when she saw you equally as stressed and scared as her. She was even more confused as she locked eyes with you, not knowing when or how you got here.  

“Soobin let go…please” you carefully tried but the sound of your voice made Soobin crash his dad’s back into the fridge even harder this time. “YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!” He spits out. His dad was scared by now but how could he not be? His perfect lie was about to unravel.  “First my mom and now her huh!? Were you going to sleep with this whole town and hope Isabel dies of cancer too so you can fuck up a different family this time!?”  

Oh my god.  

“You’re not even denying it.” Soobin’s voice softened as he watched his father struggle to breathe in his hold.  

He soon let go of him, disgust was written all over his face as he calmly turned to Isabelle, followed by some violent coughs coming from his father’s throat. Your eyes quickly darted to him to see if he was ok, but your attention shifted when Soobin started talking again.  

“I’m sorry Isabelle. But my father slept with y/n’s mother the night of the party, on that couch.” He pointed at the living room cocking an eyebrow as he casually announced the news. And all you could do was watch as Isabelle’s whole world fell apart. You saw something break in her eyes as her gaze redirected to Soobin’s dad who was awfully quiet. Frozen in place with his back still glued to the fridge even though Soobin had already let go of him.  “And apparently there have been many more.” He continued, cocking his head to the side with a bitter smile.  

You couldn’t believe you were witnessing this. Your eyes scanned all of their faces at once as you stood frozen on your feet.  

“Is it true?” you heard Isabelle’s voice crack.  

Soobin wasn’t sticking around for the aftermath, he brushed past them and for a second you thought he was going to leave you there but he dragged you with him into the hallway and that’s when the yelling match started between them.  

You winced as you heard glass break, your eyes widening in shock and disbelief after everything that just went down. “S-Soobin I’m so sorry.”  

He was putting on his shoes, giving you a look. “None of this is your fault.” He said getting back up to look you in your widened eyes. He looked back at the kitchen, hearing the arguing get louder and louder.  

So much for the perfect family his dad tried to create. So much for the empty promises of how things were going to be different this time. But none of it was real. Not when all of this time his dad was living a lie.  

You bit your trembling lip, trying to keep it together when Soobin started to put on your shoes for you, grabbing your coat as he wrapped it around you before holding you at an arm’s length. “I need to go see my sister.”  

His what now? Soobin grabbed his keys, looking at the kitchen one more time before he opened the front door, gently pushing you out and closing the door behind him.  

“You have a sister?”  

“Yeah. She lives like two hours away, but don’t worry. I’ll be back for Uni tomorrow.” He reassured you that he wasn’t going anywhere for too long but the thought of all of this going down without him around felt so wrong. It’s like he was in panic mode. Rushing to escape and get you as far away from this mess as he possibly could.  

Of course you understood. But somehow things were going too fast to process right now.  

“Do we just…leave them alone? I-”  

Soobin opened the trunk of his car, throwing in his jacket before shutting it as you stood there and simply watched him as he paced around. He was completely struck with adrenaline, and you knew there was no way you could stop him from going. If anything, it might do him some good to talk to another family member.  

“Please…drive save okay.” You walked over to him and grabbed his arm to make him look at you and once his eyes landed on you his gaze completely softened. He nodded quietly, pulling you into him. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”  

“It’s…it’s ok.”  

“No, it’s not.” His voice was stern and all you could do was nod, avoiding eye contact altogether.  

He sighed, pulling you into him and nuzzled his nose in your hair, inhaling the perfumy scent of your shampoo once more to calm himself down. Soobin squeezed you in his arms to then let go and kiss you ever so gently, afraid you’d break.  

You reluctantly let go. “Text me when you get there, please…”  

He nodded, smiling at you fondly before getting into his car without another word. He reversed the car out of the driveway and sped off, leaving you feeling empty as ever on the pavement.  

Going home made no sense to you, so your legs took you to the only house that did make sense to go to right now. It started pouring rain in the middle of your way there, but you didn’t care. You were letting the water cleanse you of all the bad energy you just encountered.  

You were worried sick for Soobin, feeling knots form in your stomach as nausea took over. You knew he probably didn’t have a home to return to anymore once he got back and the thought made you feel like it was your fault somehow. He’s been through so much this past year and you knew exactly what it felt like to be alone in a broken home full of lies and secrets.  

You couldn’t help but think of your father. Though your mom’s existence was a good enough reason to leave, you never got a real explanation from either of them. It’s like he was Voldemort. You could never speak of him or ask about him, so you made peace with the whole thing years ago, though it still ate at you from time to time. But this…this whole thing was opening up old wounds that would just leave new scars and you weren’t ready for that. Especially now that you finally felt like you were able to let yourself love someone again.  

Why couldn’t it be easier?  

Your chemistry and dynamic with Soobin came so incredibly natural that it felt like all four forces of nature were trying to sabotage your relationship as some type of balancing act. It was unfair.  

For you, for him, even for Isabelle.  

You were fighting tears the whole way, but when you knocked on Beomgyu’s door and watched his big smile falter when he opened the door for you, you fully broke down.  

“Y/n…” his voice was quiet as he wrapped his arms around you, letting you cry in his arms as he comforted you on the floor of his hallway.  

“You’re soaking wet…did you walk all the way here in the rain? Shit.” He quickly looked around and grabbed his mother’s scarf, wrapping it around you in an attempt to warm you up, but your teeth were still chattering as silent sobs escaped your lips.  

“Let’s get you in dry clothes and then we can talk okay?”  

You locked eyes with him, slowly nodding as you watched his face contort from pure concern to relief.  

“Ok, come on,” he says helping you up.  

“…Soobin?” his sister smiled widely. “You could’ve called! I would’ve made lunch or something.”  

“I’m…I’m not hungry. I actually really need to talk to you.”  

Soobin organized all of his thoughts in his head on the car ride over, he didn’t really know how to break it to her, or how to articulate all the scattered words in his head, but he had to somehow.  

“…Well it must be damn important if you drove all the way here?” she moved aside and led him into the living room, making him sit down on the large sofa.  

He looked around for a second. Feeling how warm, cozy, and loving her home felt just by observing the place. He kicked himself for not coming over more often, but after the move and everything else, he just couldn’t get himself to do so for some reason.  

“Want a tour of the house? You haven’t seen the place since we bought it.” She smiled at him sweetly but the absence in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed by her as he played with his fingers in his lap. She moved her weight from one foot to the other, wanting to sit down next to him on the couch but the moment got interrupted by tiny little footsteps on the hard wooden floor.  

“Uncle Bin! Uncle Bin!” his nephew ran around the corner, making Soobin look up from his hands. His eyes lit up in a split second, holding out his arms for the toddler as he launched his tiny body into Soobin’s arms. “Hey little guy, look at you, you’ve gotten so big!” Soobin lifted the kid up and placed him on his lap, rocking him on his knee as he tickled his belly. “I missed you uncle bin!” Soobin melted, squeezing his eyes shut as he showed his dimples while pursing his lips together. Talk about a cuteness overload.  

“I missed you too, buddy.” He pressed his finger into the identical dimple the child had. They kinda looked alike. At least that’s what everyone tells him.  

His sister smiled at both of them and placed her son on her lap but he was fighting her, wanting to go back to Soobin.“Hey, listen, listen. How about you go upstairs and draw Uncle Soobin something really pretty, and then afterwards you two can go get ice cream? Okay?”  

The kids’ eyes had literal beams emitting from them out of excitement. “Okay! But only if you hang it somewhere special.”  

Soobin hands clasped over his chest where his heart was with a smile and nodded. “Of course! I’ll frame it and hang it up.”  

“At home!” the kid chirped, but Soobin’s smile faltered a bit. “Y-yeah buddy, at home.”  

His sister noticed his drop in energy and protectively moved closer to him.  

“Okay, deal!” the kid was easily convinced as he sprinted upstairs, making both Soobin and his sister sigh in relief.  

She averted his attention to him once more, firmly squeezing his shoulder. He seemed to be feeling better already, though the atmosphere got heavier shortly after his nephew left the room.  

“Why are you really here Bin?” she carefully starts.  

“You want the short version or the long version?” he asks giving her a blank stare.  

“Short…no long.”  

Soobin nodded to himself and inhaled sharply, speaking incredibly fast. “Okay so, I met this girl 'cause she almost hit me with her car and she’s amazing, we’re neighbors, by the way, total coincidence. But her mom is… uhm…well single and one time she invited us over for dinner to welcome us into the neighborhood and even though I connected with y/n, I felt like something was up with dad and her mom so y/n threw a party two nights ago, but the drinks were finished so me and y/n were going to sneak into the house and steal some of dad’s whiskey collection but then we caught her mom and our dad fucking on the couch.”  

With an open mouth, Soobin’s sister was trying to follow his story but the randomness of it all overwhelmed her. “Huh!?”  

“Yeah, so dad cheated on Isabel, and I found out that dad has been cheating on Isabel just like he was cheating on mom during her sickness so I kinda snapped and assaulted him in front of Isabel and y/n and now I’m worried that y/n might see me differently but I literally ran away to come here a minute after that all went down and I don’t know what to do or how to go back, I’m actually going insane” Soobin was gasping for air as he uttered that whole monologue in one breath, carefully awaiting his sisters’ reaction by knitting his eyebrows together as he anticipated her response. So much for organizing his thoughts in the car…  

“Soobin.” She closed her eyes. “what was y/n even doing in the house? Dude, I’m so lost you have no idea, and you left her? Right after you reconstructed dads face?”  

“I didn’t hit him. And why aren’t you reacting to the cheating part, aren’t you pissed? I-”  

“Oh baby bro.” she closed her eyes, leaning back on the couch at a loss for words. “Dad has always been and will always be a piece of shit. Nothing that man does will ever surprise me. I’ve known about some of this but I always tried to shield you from it. I guess now that you’re older the puzzle pieces are starting to fit.”  

Soobin just nodded, drifting back into thought. “I can’t believe I almost bought his caring act.”  

“You know, I don’t think it’s an act. He cares for us deeply but…watching mom die fucked him up…badly.”  

Soobin looked up in surprise. “I’m not saying that it’s an excuse, I’m just saying that he started grieving her while she was still alive in the worst way possible and Isabelle is probably just collateral damage…our childhood was great when they still loved each other…when mom wasn’t sick.” A tear tried to escape from his sisters’ eye but she quickly wiped it away, staring at the picture of their mother on the coffee table.  

He was looking at it too, his heart filling with both love and sadness as he studied his mom’s face. He drifted back into deep thought as the two of them stayed silent for a second.  

“Is y/n your girlfriend?”  

Soobin’s head snapped in his sisters’ direction, it’s as if she sensed that he was thinking of you.  

“We’re…pretty new. But it’s heading in that direction. This all just complicates things.” He swallowed harshly, nervously picking at his cuticles again. “I don’t know how I’ll ever go back.”  

“Soobin…she’ll understand.”  

“I know she does, that’s not what I meant. I meant going back to the house.”  

Her eyes got sad as she watched him and moved closer to envelop him in a hug. He fully gave in wrapping his arms around her frame. “You can move here?” she softly suggested.  

Soobin let go of her, raising his eyebrows at the sudden offer. “Huh?”  

“I mean think about it. I have an extra room now, you can go back to your old college and it’s not like you’re moving across the country…I’m sure that whatever it is that you’re trying to figure out with y/n could also work with a little bit of distance.”  

Soobin’s lips parted as he contemplated the sudden offer. It seemed…viable in some way, but he did have to admit that the thought of moving schools again would suck. Especially now that he’s finally settled and made friends.  And you…oh my god. He knew you well enough that the distance would fuck both of you up for sure. But he had to be realistic and chose between staying, being miserable at home for years to come with a potential relationship that could end because of that miserable situation OR running away and chose not to fight that battle.    

“Won’t your husband mind?” Soobin asks, knowing damn well what the answer to that question was already. But he didn’t know what else to say right now.  

“No, of course not. He loves you.” She shrugged, giving him a pat on the knee. “Just think about it okay? Let’s get that little monster his ice cream.”  

Soobin barely responded to your texts, telling you that he’d drive out early in the morning to go straight to Uni from his sisters’ house right before you went to bed. You barely slept, twisting and turning in Beomgyu’s bed as he took the inflatable mattress on the floor. He demanded you to stay over after you told him everything and decided to obey him just because you really didn’t feel like being alone right now.  

After a quick stop at your house in the morning to shower and get dressed you were headed out for your first class of the day already. Going to school felt odd but it was a blessing in disguise cause it offered some type of normalcy after this hectic weekend. Before you got in Beomgyu’s car you stopped for a second to look at Soobin’s house just to see the empty driveway. You knew he’d be at school when you got there but for some reason, you were more anxious than excited to see him.  

You were waiting for him in the parking lot, your eyes lighting up when he pulled up and got out of the car after parking it swiftly. He looked at you with the exact same sparkles in his eyes and wrapped you in his arms for a long, warm hug.  

You sigh contently, holding him at arm's length. He was wearing dress pants and a white loose-fitting button up…to school?  

“You look…different?” you chuckle to break the silence, fixing a wrinkle in the material on his shoulder.  

“It’s the only thing I could find in my brother-in-law’s closet that fit me.” Soobin snorted, leaning his back against the wall.  

“How was it?” you asked with a hopeful expression but somehow Soobin found it hard to look you in the eye.  

“Uhm…” he started, but paused again. “We talked about my parents and…where it went wrong and stuff. My sister made me realize that her death left different scars on our dad than the rest of us.”  

You blinked at him, not fully comprehending but also kind of understanding what he was saying. “After our talk, I spent some time with my nephew…he’s really cute.” He smiled, missing him already, and seeing the look in Soobin’s eyes you couldn’t help but reciprocate his enamored grin.  

“Did you talk to him yet?”  

Soobin shook his head. “He called me like a hundred times but I’m not ready, Isabelle texted me that I was still welcome and that my dad’s staying at some motel in town, so I won’t have to worry about running into him for the time of being.”  

You moved a piece of his hair out of his eyes. “Well…that’s a temporary solution.” You sigh. “We need to come up with a permanent one.”  

“…Yeah…” Soobin didn’t know how to tell you about the offer his sister made, but he also knew that decisions had to be made fast. “I have to get to class.’ He tells you, checking the time on his phone.  

Seeing how absent he was made your heart feel heavier than ever. It’s like his body was here and his mind was somewhere else. You wished there was more you could do. “I’ll see you in our free period, right?” you asked, and he simply nodded, pulling you in to kiss you softly.  

“Did you guys hear about the festival at school, they want us to dress up as characters,” Beomgyu announces showing you guys the post on the school’s Instagram page.  

“Seems fun,” Taehyun adds, followed by Hueningkai’s loud laugh. “Dress up? Like what exactly?” he questions.  

You were not present at all during this conversation, nervously biting your lip as you kept staring at the door, waiting for Soobin to walk in.  

“Hueningie can dress as a lifesize penguin, Tae as some fighter and I can just be a cowboy-themed stripper.”  

“What about me.” Beomgyu moped.  

Yeonjun shot Beomgyu a pained smile. “You don’t need a costume to blend in.” 

The table laughed and averted their attention to you. “Maybe you and Soobin could do a couples costume? Like batman and batgirl or something. That’s cute.” Yeonjun suggests trying to cheer you up. You broke out your trance, giving him and the others a quick smile. “Y-yeah seems fun.”  

Taehyun was losing his patience with you and rolled his eyes. The whole table was trembling just because you kept shaking your leg in nervousness.  

“Dude quit it. He’ll be here.” He said putting his hand on your knee to make you stop. Your head snapped back, instantly halting your nervous tick as you bit your lip. “Sorry. But you should’ve seen him.”  

“Give the guy some rest, he’s probably still exhausted both emotionally and physically.” You nodded, agreeing with Tae as you crossed your arms on the table with a pout on your face.  

“Do you think he’ll move out?” Hueningkai asks, making Beomgyu look at him funny. “Where would he go?”  

“I don’t know. He has a sister, maybe there?”  

You looked up at Hueningkai with dilated pupils letting your shoulders fall and Yeonjun immediately noticed how sad that comment made you. “Oh my god, Kai shut up, can’t you see she’s already going through it.” He pulled you into him and you just gave in, resting your head on Yeonjun’s shoulder as he patted your head like a cat.  

“His sister lives like two hours away,” Beomgyu muttered through his teeth while leaning towards Hueningkai.  

“Oh...sorry.” Hueningkai quickly apologized with wide eyes, awkwardly laughing the pained atmosphere away as he rocked in his chair.  

“Oh, there he is.” Taehyun cutely waved at Soobin who immediately walked over to your table. You lifted your head off Yeonjun’s shoulder, pushing him aside to make room for Soobin.  

“Ha, I see how it is,” he says rolling his eyes and acting all fake hurt but still proceeded to scoot over so Soobin could sit next to you anyway.  

Soobin gave you a quick peck before he unwrapped his sandwich, not noticing the silence that took over the table as everyone stared at him all at once. He lifted his head, looking around just to get flustered by all of your eyes on him. “…Uh…what?”  

“What do you mean what?” Beomgyu huffed, pushing Soobin’s sandwich aside. “what’s your next move?” he continues.  

“And let us know if we can help in any way,” Taehyun adds.  

Soobin suddenly got overwhelmed with all their pitiful faces but you looked at him attentively, waiting for him to speak.  

“I-I don’t know yet.”  

“Well, what are your options? Do you have options?” Yeonjun asks this time.  

Soobin sighed, staring at his hands. “My sister she uh…” he looked at you this time, pausing for a second. “She offered me to move in with her.”  

All of their eyes darted from Soobin to you. You pursed your lips together, swallowing harshly as you turned to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered but of course, everyone could hear.  

“…I…I didn’t know how. But it’s not like I made my mind up yet, I just…”  

You childishly got up and stormed off to avoid either an emotional breakdown or a temper tantrum, leaving everyone at a loss for words back at the table.  

“Dude,” Beomgyu says wide-eyed, watching a frozen Soobin with a shocked face, still glued to his seat. “She came to me crying last night, worried sick about you. She even opened up about her dad for the first time” Beomgyu wasn’t one to get angry fast but he had a distaste for injustice. “What?” Soobin says turning into a statue.

“You do know her dad left under similar conditions, right?” Tae added.  

“I-” Soobin stuttered, eyes guilty and wide. How did he forget?  

“Oh my god, for the love of god, go! Run after her. Go!” Yeonjun says pulling Soobin out of his seat with all of his strength.  

Soobin didn’t fully grasp what was going on but his feet started to run in your direction automatically.  

He spotted you at the end of the hallway. You were speed walking out of the building, so he decided to take the short route in order to catch up to you outside.  

He ran through the large double doors, making a quick turn so he could grab you. “Y/n wait!” Soobin hasn’t run this fast since PE in high school. He was completely out of breath, pulling you into a random alley around the school building.  

You stared at him in bewilderment, quickly wiping your wet eyes so he wouldn’t notice but it was already too late. “`Y/n…” he sulked, grabbing your face with both hands so he could make you look up at him.  

You sniffed, removing his hands from your face and created some distance. “I want…I want to be alone.” You lied.  

The thing is that you knew what was best for him. You knew that moving in with his sister was what he needed to do for himself, but selfishly you wished he’d stay. You wished his future would be brighter with you in it, but not when there’s a dark cloud following him home every day. How could he heal if he couldn’t move on?    

“I thought that…maybe there was something more there than just…sex,” you whispered. It made Soobin’s eyes widen, taking a step closer to you so he could take your hand in desperation.  

“There is! Trust me you know I’d never hurt you like that. I told you how I felt about you so many times but this…y/n it's’ bigger than us. We’ve barely been in each other’s lives for two weeks”  

Ouch. That one rubbed you the wrong way, but in his defense, it just came out of his mouth miserably.  

“So that’s it then? Soobin…do you know how hard It is for me to open up to anyone!?” Anger started to take over as you yanked your hand out of his hold.  

“…You’re acting like there’s no way we can make the distance work.”  

“You’re the one who made it seem like our time together is forgettable enough to not even explore a different option other than moving across the state! We both know that the shift from being literal neighbors to being cities away is going to kill us.”  

“Well staying in that house is going to kill me!” Soobin raised his voice in frustration, making you take a step back in silence as you looked at your feet.  

“It's not fair,” you mumble as your voice cracks, which made Soobin soften up again.  

He didn’t want to admit that you were right, because admitting meant that he had to just be okay with losing you and he didn’t want that. However, deep down he had already made up his mind. There’s nowhere else for him to go other than his sister, and after everything, a family might just be the thing he needs most right now.  

“Y/n I don’t want us to end like this. I don’t want you to feel like I’m choosing not to stay and fight for you. It’s not that black and white. I can’t be a good boyfriend if I stay under their roof. It’ll consume me.” His voice cracked too as he stared at you with despair.  

You looked back at him, trying your hardest to fight your tears. “Then it’s best if we go our separate ways now before someone seriously gets hurt.”  

Why were you doing this?  

Soobin’s eyes widened. “What?”  

“Like you said, it’s barely been two weeks.” You shrugged. Striking first was always your way to cope so you wouldn’t get hurt. It was your way of staying in control, but it was no use because it already hurt. So. Fucking. Much.  

“Y/n…don’t.” Soobin tried to grab your hand again but you didn’t let him. He watched tears spill from your eyes this time, and right before he could say something else you were already gone.  

Your mom was on her weekly grocery shopping spree and not so accidentally stumbled into the department store. She was going to buy you something in hopes it’d make you less angry at her, even if it was just a little bit.  

She was used to the stares from countless men surrounding her. The sound of her heels and the smell of her perfume announced her presence before she walked into the room. It’s like she ran this town as she greeted every employee.

She was scanning aisle after aisle, hoping to get you a cute bag or something until she spotted a familiar tall figure in the luggage section.  

“Yeah, I know. I still have some unpacked boxes, so I’ll just throw the rest in a suitcase.”  

Your mom moved in closer, eavesdropping on the conversation Soobin was having over the phone with his sister. “Why are suitcases so damn expensive,” Soobin mumbled in annoyance, grabbing the tag of another one behind it.  

Your mom squinted her eyes, moving her cart aside so she could get closer to him. “Going on a trip?” your mom’s voice scared the fuck out of Soobin, he nearly dropped his phone and almost knocked over the whole rack of suitcases as they made eye contact.  

Your mom smiled at him widely, raising an eyebrow still calmly awaiting his response. “I…uh…I’ll call you back.” He quickly hung up the phone and regained composure, straightening out his back after putting his phone in his pocket.  

“I’m guessing you’re the reason my daughter’s been extra sad lately?” She assumed, crossing her arms.  

“Uh..extra? I- What do you mean…”  

“She’s always grumpy. cause she lives with me. But ya know…she hasn’t been eating or sneaking out in the middle of the night so I’m guessing.” She rolled her index finger in the air theatrically to end up pointing it in Soobin’s face. “That it has something to do with you.”  

Soobin licked his lips, not knowing how to get out of this one. “I think it’s better if you talk to her about it.”  

“She doesn’t talk to me. We both know that.” Your mom rolled her eyes, making Soobin even more uncomfortable than he already was as he looked around the store.  

“…Mam, I’m sorry but-”  

“You’re not leaving her, right?” She interrupted him. “Because it looks like…you’re leaving,” she said pointing at the suitcase.  

“You and my dad didn’t give me much of a choice.” Soobin bit back. Your mom raised her eyebrow in pleasant surprise. She liked the fire Soobin had in him. Just because it reminded her of herself.  

“Where are you going Soobin?” Your mother asked sternly.  

“To live with my sister.”  

“Where?”  

“It’s like 2 hours away.” Soobin sighed, but that made all the puzzle pieces fall into place in your mothers’ brain.  

“Soobin. You’re not leaving my daughter like this, not another man. You can’t just pack up your shit and go. She already went through that once. It wasn’t pretty.”  

“She…she broke up with me? And it’s not like I want to. I don’t have much of a choice.” Soobin says in his defense. It was like he was reliving the last conversation he had with you.  

“Oh, you dumbo, do you really think, that someone as in love as her would selfishly make you stay in a situation that would make you unhappy? I might not be mom of the year, but I know my baby.”  

Soobin paused for a second…hold on….in love? He wasn’t quite following anymore, too overwhelmed with the fact that he was even having this conversation with your mom of all people.  

“Let’s go talk somewhere else shall we.” She said looping her arm through Soobin’s. He mindlessly followed her, feeling like he got kidnapped in public.  

It didn’t take long before they made it to a random café, your mom got both of them coffees as they sat down at a table outside. Soobin politely thanked her for the drink, wrapping his hands around his hot cup.  

“First off. I apologize for taking part in…your life going to shit.” Your mom immediately says as she sits down in front of him.  

Soobin’s eyes widened, swallowing harshly. “But just so you know, if it wasn’t me it would’ve been the other housewife next door so…”  

Soobin snorted, bitterly smiling at his cup. “With all due respect, it would’ve made things less complicated if it was the other housewife.”  

Your mom let out a cackle, admiring his sense of humor. “I bet yeah…But I mean it. I’m sorry.”  

He nodded and silence took over completely. Your mothers’ expression switched from playful to worried as she watched Soobin take a sip of his drink. “I’ve never seen my daughter happier than she has been for the past two weeks you know.”  

“I got the impression that you weren’t really around to notice,” Soobin says taking a bite of his complimentary biscuit while remaining eye contact. For an introvert, he was really pushing his social boundaries today, cause he was bolder than ever.  

Your mom scoffed. “I’m a single mom with a daughter in college. Someone has to pay for that tuition, and I can’t really make that happen by sitting around, can I?”  

Soobin raised his eyebrows, nodding to show that he understood. He didn’t want to ask any further questions because he knew that getting answers to how your mom made her money would complicate things even further, but he could definitely guess.  

“Speaking of college. Have you tried the dormitory?” She asked interrupting Soobin’s thoughts.  

Soobin nodded, leaning back in his chair. “They had no available units cause it’s the middle of the semester and even if they did it's too expensive.”  

Your mothers’ ear perked up. “I can help.”  

“What? No. I’m not taking your money.”  

“No, no. I mean…I know someone on the board of your Uni. I could easily make it happen.”  

“…H-how?” Soobin was showing interest now, waiting for her to continue talking.  

“Ever since I found out y/n was accepted into that school I started cozying up to one of the school board members if you know what I mean. To make life a bit easier for us if needed.”  

Soobin couldn’t help but scrunch his nose at the revelation, but he had more questions. “Why would he help?”  

“Because he doesn’t want his wife and kids to know what daddy did two summers ago.” Your mom grimaced wiggling her eyebrows, making Soobin cover his mouth in disbelief.  

Shit.  

“That’s evil…but I’m in.” Soobin says with determination in his eyes, mimicking your mom’s mischievous grin.  

“Leave.” You were hiding under your blanket, trying to get Yeonjun to leave you the fuck alone this Friday night. You didn’t even know how he got in here, but you can only imagine that it was your mom’s doing.  

You were still mourning your potential relationship with Soobin and couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that he had probably already left without saying goodbye.  

“No.” he groaned, rubbing his forehead. “It’s the costume party tonight. Get your ass up.”  

“I’m not fucking going.” You protest, turning your back towards him like a child. 

“Yes, you are, get up. Fun is what you need. It’s what I need,” he says shaking you violently to get a reaction out of you.  

“I don’t even have a costume.”  

“Yes, you do. I made Beomgyu pick up the batgirl costume for you.”  

“What?”  

“I’m a Virgo, y/n. I think before you do.” Yeonjun winked but you still weren’t really warming up to the idea of leaving your house for a stupid college party.  

“There’s no batgirl without batman.” You mumble bitterly.  

“Now…that’s not very feministic of you.”  You rolled your eyes but Yeonjun’s patience was running thin as per usual. He sighed, ripping the covers off of you. 

“Trust me. Please.” Yeonjun climbed on top of your bed and looked at you with desperate eyes.  

He stared at you fiercely and you stared back, but when he started to pout you gave in, aggressively kicking the air before getting up. “Where’s the fucking costume?” you spit out in defeat.  

Yeonjun’s eyes lit up, giggling like a baby as he pulled the costume out of his bag.  

Luckily it didn’t take too long to get ready, Yeonjun assisted where he could and pushed you out of the front door in no time. He gave your mom a quick wink, who was situated on the couch with a glass of wine in her hand. She raised the wine glass towards Yeonjun and took a sip, smiling to herself as she averted her attention back on the tv once you both left.  

“Woooow, look who it issss, It’s batgirl!” Beomgyu beamed at you, excitedly walking over as he held out his hand for you. He made you twirl around for him once and you could help but crack a smile, especially since he handed you your favorite drink. “You look great!” He screamed over the blaring music.  

“So do you…but uhm…what is…” you tried to guess who he was supposed to resemble but you had no idea to be completely honest.  

“I found out Yeonjun changed his costume to sexy vampire, so I dressed as Buffy the vampire slayer.” Beomgyu chirps wiggling his eyebrows up and down. 

You cackled out loud, showing a genuine smile for the first time in a while. “It’s ok if people don’t get it, he’ll definitely understand, and hate me for it,” he says with a mischievous grin on his face. “Well, you look very handsome Buffy.” You compliment him before you both down the drinks in your hands in one go.

Shortly after you watched Hueningkai and Taehyun approach dressed as the penguin from happy feet and Mike Tyson, the boxer. Tae even drew the gap in his teeth with some black marker and you applauded his eye for detail followed by all of you touching the fluff on Hueningkai’s adorable suit.  

You were thankful for them, just an hour ago you would rather stay in than be here but now that you were actually having fun again you felt so much better already.  

You looked around, raising your eyebrow. “…Hey, where is Yeonjun?”  

Yeonjun’s sexy vampire attire was more than in the way as he ran across campus. The fucking shit he does for his friends is insane. His cape was flying in the air as he ran towards the dormitory building, catching stares and laughs from people all around.  

He got there out of breath, knocking on the door of the room across his own with the little energy he had left. “I’m here.” He announced, and that’s when the door opened with a dramatic swing.  

Soobin’s bottom half was dressed in the batman costume and his top half was well…nude.  

Yeonjun eyes traveled down his body before making eye contact shortly after to snap out of it “…You’re late! WHY did you call me here, she’s already at the party and why aren’t you dressed?”  

“I can’t get in this thing by myself, it’s tight as hell and I can’t zip it from the back either,” Soobin complained as he pulled Yeonjun into his room, closing the door behind him so Yeonjun could help him get dressed in private.  

“Aren't you glad this room comes with blinds” Yeonjun teased as he pulled on the spandex with all his power from one side as Soobin pulled on the other side.  

Soobin rolled his eyes with a smirk finally getting one arm into the suit, followed by the other shortly after. The sight must’ve been a hilarious one to see because the two of them were moaning and groaning, completely out of breath by the time Yeonjun was able to zip up Soobin’s suit.  

“Now let’s hope you don’t have to pee 'cause I’m not helping you do that.” Yeonjun jokes which made Soobin shove him aside with a smirk.  

“Here’s the mask,” Yeonjun says grabbing it from Soobin’s bed. “Now let’s go. I’m dying to see the look on her face once she sees you.”  

Yeonjun was already at the door but Soobin hesitated, looking in the mirror with big insecure eyes as his gaze met Yeonjun’s. “What if she actually hates me.”  

“She doesn’t,” Yeonjun says grabbing Soobin by the arm. “Trust me. She’ll be happy to see you, just don’t forget to mention the fact that you’re staying.” He says giving Soobin aggressive pats on the back before the two of them left for the party.  

You went around the building to get into photobooths and talk to some of your classmates. Everyone was complimenting you on your costume but even though you were usually awkward with compliments, you decided to confidently own it and thank them with a smile. A fake one at that, because even though this thing was a good distraction, Soobin still lived in your mind rent-free.

You avoided the crowd on the dance floor and walked over to the table your friends had already claimed prior to exploring the grounds. “Ok, I’m seriously starting to get worried about Yeonjun. What if he ran into one of his exes?” you say as you sit down.  

“He's over there,” Taehyun announced, pointing at the entrance and that’s when you saw Yeonjun, followed by some masked dude in a batman costume. You looked at your attire and then back to him...and that’s when it clicked when you noticed his unique lip shape.  

It was Soobin.  

Your eyes widened as you stiffened and before you could say anything Beomgyu got up, running off to the dance floor while Tae gave you a motivating pinch on the shoulder followed by a thumbs up from Hueningkai as they followed Beomgyu to give you some privacy.  

You stared at Soobin in disbelief, although, it didn’t quite go unnoticed how good he looked in the skin-tight suit he had on.  

Shit. Shit. Shit.  

Why would they arrange this!?  

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Yeonjun gave you a wink, pushing Soobin down on a chair he pulled out next to yours.  

As Yeonjun disappeared it was hard for you to look at Soobin. You were literally going to kill your friends for doing this. Putting you in matching outfits was one thing but leaving you alone was another.  

Soobin bit his lip, wishing it wasn’t this awkward between you two. “You know…I walked around campus with a spandex wedgie, had Yeonjun dress me and everyone kept looking at me so I would…appreciate it if…you’d talk to me.”

He started to nervously bounce his leg up and down awaiting your response and that’s when you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You looked at him, cracking a smile. “We look…ridiculous.” You start, making Soobin smile at you from ear to ear. “We do.” He looked at the table and then back at you with a shy smile, taking your hand in his own as he sighed. “I’m sorry about…our fight. I never should’ve said the things I did and-”  

“I’m sorry too. I realized I was just…pushing you away.” You interrupted him which made him sigh in relief as he nodded.  

“But I don’t think it changes anything Soobin, like…it’s really sweet that you showed up and it’s even sweeter that your introverted ass went to these lengths to do so but…you’re still…leaving.”  

Soobin looked up with wide eyes, remembering that he still had to disclose the biggest fucking turn of events.  

“I…I’m not leaving.” Soobin says, which made your head snap back into his direction, your shaky pupils looking for more answers in his own as your heart stopped beating.  

“Huh?” your mouth fell agape, and he nodded to assure you that he wasn’t playing with you.  

“It was your mom actually.” Soobin smiled.  

“…My mom?” you raised your eyebrows in surprise.  

“She got me enrolled into the dorms here.”  

“What!? How!?”  

“She…knew a guy.” He vaguely explained.  

“…Of course she did.” You smiled to yourself in disbelief but for the first time in a long time, you were happy that your mom is who she is.

“…Why didn’t you tell me before? The past week had been absolute hell.”   Soobin pouted, squeezing your hand for comfort. “I wanted to be 100% sure. I didn’t want to give you any false hope if shit didn’t work out and I literally got the keys to the place today, you wouldn’t believe it; I live right across from Yeonjun so that’s going to be…eventful.”  

You listened to him speak attentively, with stars in your eyes. Your heart swelling more and more by the second.  

“Once he found out he and Beomgyu set the whole mission of reuniting batgirl and batman in action so…here I am.” He remarks as he opened his arms.  

A smile crept up on your lips, launching yourself forward to kiss him as you swiftly moved onto his lap; not caring who was watching or that you were in public.  

Soobin was startled at your directness at first but immediately relaxed into the kiss once you moved sideways on his lap. He wrapped his arms around you, firmly grabbing onto your waist so you wouldn’t slip and slide against him because of your costumes’ as he skillfully yet passionately made out with you.  

You were pulled out of your little bubble as you heard cheering from the dance floor. You both stopped for a second, looking back as you see the boys cheering, clapping, and celebrating as they looked your way and all you could do was laugh at them.  

So maybe you could have your happily ever after after all? 

They minded their business again soon after, but somehow it made you want to join them with all of the adrenaline still rushing through your bloodstream.  

“Come on, let’s dance.” You tried to get up but Soobin stopped you from moving, violently shaking his head. “You’ve awoken the monster.” He says, looking down at his crotch.  

“What?” you stared at him in disbelief. You knew you looked hot, but this…  

You couldn’t help but laugh at the bizarre situation, but he just sulked at you.  

“Y/n if I get up the suit might rip, just so you know.”  

“Well then stop it!” you yell  

“I can’t control it!” he yells back.  

You clasped your hand over your mouth to stop laughing, but Soobin gave you a scowl, throwing his head back in pain. “Well, what do we do about it?” you ask.  

“…”  

He crashed his lips into yours once you made it past the entrance to his new room. He pushed your back onto the mattress, yanking your body down the bed by your legs which made you yelp at his eagerness and the way he was manhandling you. “Soobin the…fucking suits,” you interrupt, making him halt his movements for a while.  

He thought about it for a good second, knowing damn well the two of you would not be going back to that party anyway. He turned you around, giving your ass a hard smack before ripping the suit apart at the hem by your butt. You gasped in shock, but he pushed you back down with an evil smirk, ripping his own suit apart as well to reveal his dick. He pumped himself a few times, spitting on your pussy and his own length to make this more enjoyable for the two of you as he swiped the wetness up and down your slit with his tip.

“You good?”  

You nodded into his pillow, hugging it as you lay on your stomach. He inserted himself gently inch by inch, making the two of you sigh in relief when he bottomed out into you. He eyed your reaction but you seemed to enjoy it, so he started moving slowly, steadily pumping his length in and out of you as your moans grew louder once he found a nice rhythm. This position was new to both of you, but it felt amazing as he grazed all the right spots deeper than ever.  

“You take me so well baby.” He whispered in your ear, which gave you goosebumps all over. He leaned his chest against your back, reaching around to squeeze your tits that were still snugly fit inside the stupid batgirl suit with his large hands.  

His movements started to get rougher, skin-slapping sounds filling the room accompanied by both of your moans and groans. You were feeling euphoric, your eyes rolling back as he crashed his hips into you harder and harder. His hand moved from your chest to your throat, cutting off your breathing by pinching the sides of your throat just the right way until it sent you over the edge completely.  

You screamed his name as you came, desperately gasping for air but seeing you so fucked out and helpless only edged him on to keep going. You were grabbing fistfuls of his sheets as he continued to prone bone you into the mattress until he reached his own high, you were completely overstimulated, but you couldn’t say that you hated it, in fact; you think you might've just discovered a brand new kink. He pulled out right before he erupted, coating the back of your suit with cum as he let out a loud groan filled with pure ecstasy.  

His breathing was ragged, but he looked down at you in awe as he calmed down. “So pretty.” He mused, watching how the moonlight coming from the window shone on your cum covered bare ass.  

You looked back at him with a corny smile, before realizing where the only source of light was coming from…. his goddamn window.  

“Soobin…for the love of god.” You say pointing at the open window.  

“yeah, yeah I know.” He said quickly putting on a random pair of basketball shorts over his suit so his dick wouldn’t flop out.  

You giggled and went into his bathroom to clean yourself up quickly. Soobin however was still on cloud nine and moved around the room like a sloth. He turned on the lights so he could shut the curtains but just as he took a hold of the curtain to close it, he froze; watching a frat guy give him a thumbs up from the windowpane of the opposite building.  

Fuck.  

It seems like Soobin is and will always be…someone’s naked neighbor.  

The end

[tricktster]

how long have you been getting burritoed... i love the thought of you guys being together for five years and you still fall for it every time

Slightly NSFW warning but the full backstory for the burritoing is honestly very sweet and i can take absolutely no credit for it being so.

so it has not been five years, it’s only been five months, but given that my tolerance for being in relationships can usually be measured in weeks, five months with me harboring every single desire to keep this going is saying something. but rest assured the burrito thing has always been a threat in this relationship. lemme explain.

see, i met my boyfriend the most romantic way a person can, in that i hopped on tinder one friday when I was bored and he was the most interesting person that night to ask me to grab a drink with him the following week. I agreed, with every expectation that this was going to be a one night stand situation. This was because I had already concluded I would probably sleep with him since he was hot and funny over tinder/text but also, more importantly, because I had decided to plunge back into the dating world after several years of being resolutely single by having what my roommate described as “a wanton winter,” which is a nicer way of saying that I was here to sleep around without any strings remotely attached. I had every intention of this being followed by a slutty spring, sexually-available summer, and perhaps even a fuckboi fall.

All this to say, I was not looking for an actual relationship when I agreed to “grab a drink” with the man who is now my boyfriend. In fact, even though he was categorically hunky all-round? I was by this point in my wanton winter not even optimistically hoping for a good time. I had recently re-discovered that hunky meant absolutely nothing, and was still haunted by memories of sleeping with an extremely attractive massage therapist who was not only terrible in bed but also read me a very bad poem that he’d written afterwards and started crying about the state of his life at one point and also his mom called like 11 times while he was over. Like, my expectations were subterranean.

Now given this background, i presumed that this guy would follow the established pattern set by every other guy i’d hooked up with during wanton winter; we’d go back to my place, fool around, he’d leave, and i’d get occasional “u up” texts from him for the next few weeks until one of us ghosted etc. so like it was a surprise - but certainly not an unpleasant one! - when he asked (a little nervously) post-hookup if he could stay the night. he didn’t want to impose, he explained, but he had a day shift the next morning and it was really late and his house was 24 minutes away and while he didn’t want to be presumptuous he’d thrown what he needed in a backpack just in case and also he wanted to cuddle and be big spoon.

well. this was a deviation. this possibly suggested more interest than just a one night stand.

ideologically i was opposed to the threat this posed to my no commitments wanton winter lifestyle but given that he was significantly cuter and funnier in person than he’d been online and also that he had just absolutely rocked my entire world for several hours(!!!) i was just like “yeah homie you are more than welcome to stay,” and decided against issuing my standard warning whenever anyone proposes sharing a bed with me that “I do not tolerate people attempting to cuddle me in my sleep well so don’t be hurt when you find me as far from you as physically possible tomorrow, and also you may be kicked in the process of me rolling away, and my toenails are inexplicably sharp so you may bleed.”

and then, you know, suddenly the alarm was going off, and he was extracting himself, unwounded, from the big spoon position that I had not felt the unconscious need to escape from all night, and I was just internally like “haha! i might be in trouble!”

that mighta done it on its own, honestly, the whole bit about him being the sole exception i have ever encountered to my instinctual need for space when i’m sleeping. but he was not done. he quietly got ready while i was mulling this development over in a state of half consciousness, and then? instead of slinking out into the barely-morning, that motherfucker very gently rearranged the bedclothes to actually cover me, gave me a kiss, said he’d text me when he got to work, and then the bastard tucked me in.

he then left me, the victim of the cutest goddamn nonsense that has ever happened after a tinder hookup, to process this unexpected turn of events.

I concluded that I was, in fact, in trouble.

so like… needless to say, that act of tucking me in was the death knell for my wanton winter, as well as my adversarial relationship with the concept of developing feelings. I am an extremely crotchety housecat that doesn’t like to be crowded who has unprecedentedly fallen incredibly hard for a wildly enthusiastic golden retriever, and our relationship is foundationally based upon this man’s desire to make me all snug and cozy before he leaves.

the burrito aspect was merely an afterthought. it’s all about the tuck-in babey.

[songbirdseung]

blurred hearts / park sunghoon ft. sim jake

synopsis: I can't wait for the next life to be with you, i want you now and forever. what can I do to have you see me the way you see him?

pairing: bestfriend!sunghoon x reader, boyfriend!jake x reader, love triangle

warnings: one sided love, relationship troubles, lmk if i missed anything.

wc: 2.3k

masterlist

Your upset best friend, Park Sunghoon hangs up the phone for the third time this week. You called late at night to ramble, rant and cry about your boyfriend who has not been the best towards you these days. The other days of the week were spent face to face, you; running over to his house to ramble, rant, and cry about the same thing. With the messy emotions boiling within you, you fail to notice the same messy whirlpool of emotions swimming in Sunghoon; the man who remains stuck in the friendzone.

"Why don't you just break up with him?" He says as he hands you another box of tissues. "You don't understand, I love him."

"You'd know how it would feel if you loved someone the same way I love Jake." He looks at you as you wipe your tears, seeing you in this state for a past few weeks has given him another reminder why he wants to protect and care for you.

"I do love someone, maybe even more than the way you love Jake" Oh, how he wished he could cast a spell over you to stop crying over your boyfriend and wake up and see what was right next to you, him, Sunghoon.

"Who's that?" This time you actually stop and look at him for the first time again since you opened the door for him. He shakes his head indicating how he won't tell you. "I did not come here to discuss my love life while yours is in shambles." and with what he said, you start crying again, lightly shoving him "Then why did you say it, gosh I hate you." Not effected by your emotional and physical jab, he laughs it off and pulls you into a hug "I love you too."

Back at his house, he knew you were right. It doesn't matter if the odds are not in your favor, it doesn't matter if the other person is hurting you emotionally, if you love them...you stay because apparently love is blind.

Sunghoon lays in his bed as he tries to fall asleep, his head turns to the left to look at the picture frame with a photo of you and him during your vacation after high school graduation.

The two of you got permission from both of your parents to go to Switzerland together, you traveled for the first time, just you two. Luckily you did not get lost or had any bad experiences and made yourselves back home in one piece. The picture reminded him always of that core memory you two had but also reminded him of when the kind lady who took the picture for you calling you two a cute couple, you were about to correct her, but Sunghoon just said thank you and joked about how he can't wait to marry you when you both are older.

Sighing as he turned off the lamp, bitterly going to sleep as he realizes that that may never happen, as long as you're under Sim Jake's love spell.

He's sleeping alone with his weighted blanket while you were cuddled up with your boyfriend. Jake was always the cookie cutter, picture perfect, straight out of a rom com (written by a woman) type of man.

The past week just seemed like an off day for you both, a misunderstanding and conflict that caused you to keep running to your best friend. "I'm sorry for the past week baby, I did not mean to make you feel the way you did." Jake soothes you by caressing your back as you lay you head on his chest. "I'm sorry for projecting my work issues on you, I don't know why I let myself do that."

"It's okay, I totally understand. I mean I would get mad at anyone too if my boss was a complete asshole." You both share a chuckle and Jake kisses your forehead, falling asleep to each other's warmth and presence.

The next day after work, you made your way to the main exit of the building and you find both of the men waiting for you outside, leaning against their cars. "I didn't know you and douchebag made up" Sunghoon was never fond of Jake, he would tell you how he could see pass his "good boy" facade, Jake on the other hand never understood how Sunghoon could hate him when they barely exchanged a few hellos back then. "Dude, I-" you walk up to Jake quickly asking him to just leave it. "Baby, don't. It's okay, He didn't mean it."

"Yes, I did." Sunghoon says, not sparing a glance at the both of you. "Sunghoon, why are you here? and what's with the attitude?"

"I thought to pick you up since you and lover boy were not on good terms, but I guess you two made up." He tries to play off the jealousy by shrugging and having a nonchalant look on his face as he enters his car. "See you around, yeah?" Without waiting for a reply he drives away.

"That best friend of yours really hates me" Jake draws little circles on your back as he pulls you closer for a hug. "I guess after all the times you've made me cry the past week, it's safe to say, yes he does."

He laughs, looking unbothered by it "As long as you're always gonna be mine" he says as he opens the passenger side door for you. "Always."

The car ride home was better than the last time he picked you up, now there was less tension and back to normal. His free hand holding yours while stealing kisses from you during a red light or a stop sign. "Why don't we head to the store, pick up a few things and drive home to have a game night?" Jake suggested. "Let's make sure this game night, stays as game night, alright lover boy" teasing him with the nickname Sunghoon called him earlier. "You know the name Loverboy doesn't bother me, love." shaking your head, you just continue to watch Jake drive you both to the store safely.

Meanwhile back at the bar, Sunghoon is seated next to his friends Heeseung and Jay. "You know, Sunghoon...I hate to say this but-"

"Shut up, I know you're gonna tell me I don't have a shot with yn"

"Oh, so you do know but still decide to be an idiot?"

"We might as well record our same old advice and you could replay it every time you're back in this situation." He rolls his eyes and shoves Jay's face away from his. "You guys are such 'great' friends" the other men laugh and nudge Sunghoon. "We are only joking but also, it's the truth man, I know you like her a lot but she's happy with Jake."

"Also, he's not that bad of a guy, I used to work with him." Heeseung shares a short story on Jake. But this doesn't change Sunghoon's outlook on him. "Clearly jealousy is clouding your judgment" Jay takes away the drink from Sunghoon and reminding him he has work tomorrow.

"Wait, have you ever tried confessing to yn?" He shakes his head, telling them how it was clear that you never liked him. "Really? I remember her telling me in college that she had a crush on you when we were in-" not caring about the rest of Jay's story, he books it out of the bar and heads to your house. "Great, you made him delulu, thinking he can pull her now" Heeseung and Jay laugh seeing their friend stumble out the chair and run to his car.

Yes, he was still sober, but he was drunk on you. As he drives, he's thinking about all those times back in college, wondering if you really had a crush on him back then. But as he pulls into your driveway, he spots Jake's car in the garage, oh how lovely.

Nonetheless, he's at your door, ringing the doorbell. "Hello how-" Jake's sentence was cut short once he sees who's at the door. "I need to talk to yn" Sunghoon enters your house, not looking at Jake and just makes his way over to you. "Okay..." Jake awkwardly closes the door and goes over to you.

"Woah, Sunghoon what are you doing here?"

"He said he wanted to talk to you, So, I'll give you to some privacy. I'll be in the room, love." Kissing you and walking away. To this, Sunghoon looks away but rolls his eyes. Once he hears the bedroom door close, he jumps into action. Sitting next to you on the floor that was decorated with blankets, fairy lights, and snacks. The tv screen illuminated by the game you put on pause.

"Jay told me you had a crush on me back in college, that true?" You blink more than you usually do, bewildered on why that made him come over so suddenly. "Well, yeah but only for like a month?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" You think back to the time, and you remember the day you did see him in a different way. "I think it was just because I just got dump by that guy I was seeing, after that I kind of reminisced about how different you two would treat me." You looked at Sunghoon who was waiting for the direct explanation, so you continued. "You always treated me like a princess and reminded me how worthy I was, so I guess during that month I started developing feelings for you."

"And?"

"I didn't do anything about it because that same month, you started dating that one girl from your class." At this point, Sunghoon was now wishing he just stayed for the rest of Jay's story. "Why did you rush all the way here, also, were you drinking?"

"Maybe..I was with Jay and Heeseung."

"Answer my question.

"I did"

"The first question, Hoon"

"I don't remember what it was."

"Don't bs me, you're not drunk" He sighs and quickly thinks on an excuse to give you. "I was so curious, that's all, besides I was driving home, thought I stop by" you weren't convinced in the slightest, but you know there was no more budging this dude, so you nod and tell him whatever.

A little later Sunghoon goes back home, and Jake comes back into the living room. "What was that about?" Sitting back down in his spot and picking up his controller. "He found out I had a small crush on him back in college before you and I dated, he was curious..."

"Well, yeah the guy has a huge crush on you now, maybe he thought you were-"

"Wait what?"

"Oh, c'mon babe, it's so obvious." You pause the game again and face your boyfriend, waiting for more explanations. "I'm a dude, he's a dude, I basically know he likes you based off on how he acts, especially around me with you." Still not believing it, Jake suggests you call him, being direct and just ask him. So, you do, he hands you your phone and you dial his number.

When you call, Sunghoon has just entered his house and locked the door when he hears your ringtone. Picking up and he immediately wants to go run and hide. "Do you like me, Sunghoon?"

"Of course, you're my best friend. Of course-"

"Not platonically, Sunghoon. Do you have feelings for me?"

"What you gonna do if I do?"

As much as he wants you to drop that boyfriend of yours and be with him, he knows it too selfish to take you away from your happy relationship. But with the number of times where he put you first before his own self, was we wishing you would do so? "You know what, yn let's forget about it, I don't want to ruin what you have with Jake" then hangs up the phone. "So?" Jake looks at you with 'I told you so' look, making you glare at him. "He does..."

"You'll probably have to talk to him seriously next time you guys meet" this time when you pick up your controller, you don't have the same excitement you had before, now you're nervous and scared that you might have just lost your best friend. "I'm sorry I even brought that up, now you're in this predicament."

"No, babe. It's fine, it's better I find out than never."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to help him move on?" confused with your own answer that it came out as a question. "That'll be awkward."

And for sure it was, because the next two days Sunghoon manage to dodge you and hide away, but those victories of avoiding you ends now. You stand at his front door. With the help of Jay and Heeseung, you three manage to plan something to get him to come out of his house. Sunghoon got ready to meet Jay but when he opened the door to leave, he saw you. "We need to talk."

"What is there to talk about? Yn, you know now that I like you but there's nothing you can do about it." Sunghoon tries to walk past you to get to his car but when he looks in the driveway, his car isn't there. "Jay took your car but don't worry, you're coming with me." Taking his arm and bringing him to your car. "I don't understand how you say I can't do anything about it when-"

"It's not like you're going to break up with Jake to be with me yn, you love him. You don't love me that way, I can't just force you to." You stop walking and face him again. "I can't get you to fall for me by making moves on you because that's not fair to Jake and you. So please, just forget about it."

He gently removes your hand off him and fixes his jacket. "Just go home yn" you try to walk close to him, but he just backs up, away from you. "Sunghoon, I don't want to lose you."

"But yn, I already lost you years ago." He takes your silence a chance to retrieve back into his house and locking the door behind him. The barrier keeping you two apart.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Eyes For You

Dr. Jack Griffin x Reader

Authors Note: No one asked for this. No one wanted this. But I wanted it. It’s my emotional support film and god dammit I love this insane Twink.

Sum: You were waiting for your husband to return home from a trip out with some friends. But something went bump in the night. You were no coward, and investigated. Maybe you should have been a coward

Warnings: 18+/Violence, attempted kidnapping, Unhinged madness (you signed up for exactly that anyway), Jack being EXTREMELY protective of you, unethical science, blood, babygirling horror

“Jacky? That you?” You spoke into the darkness. You had to ask. You heard a noise, and well he’s Jack. He likes to pull pranks, and is also a little bit hard to….see….So it’s easier to call than poke around.

There wasn’t a response, however. Even he couldn’t help it but giggle, whenever he tried to pull something sneaky on you. That’s how much he adored you. Unable to keep himself wrapped up enough to follow through. Just to excited to see your laughing face.

Many would have probably stayed in their room. Maybe even call some kind of authorities. You? Well for one calling the cops doesn’t work when you are married to a man like Jack. Also, what’s scarier than Griffin?

So, here you are. You climbed out of bed, stole your husband’s robe, and snuck yourself outside of your shared bedroom. Through the familiar halls of the manor, with a candleholder in hand.

“I swear if someone broke in here, again, I’ll butcher them myself.” You would huff, as you would walk down the stairs. Had a bit of a history of people not knowing when to mind their own business. You came from a well off family, and that was how you and Jack even met. Your father had a medical issue, and Jack was able to solve it. Was hired to be the family doctor, and was able to be given funding for his experiments.

You couldn’t stop your dreamy smile. The memories of how excited he was to share what he discovered to you. How someone was willing to listen his endless rambles. He didn’t love you for the financial prosperities. He loved you because you wanted him to succeed. Was like a fairy tale.

“Whoever’s in my house better get out. I’m not afraid to get violent!” You shouted, as you kicked the door open. Certainly startled the man in your kitchen. Not every day someone actually confronts the one who breaks in.

“I don’t care who you are. Get out of my house. My husband will be home any minute now, and I rather not clean up blood stains at this hour.” The intruder sure was confused at how causal your violent mannerisms were. You kinda picked up a thing or two from a mad scientist.

“Sure he is. I’ve never seen a man come in or out of your house. But I’ve certainly seen plenty of fancy equipment. You’ve got money-“ And he was soon raising a gun at you. “And I have a feeling your daddy will pay plenty to get you back.” He warned.

Not the first time someone did this. But it was the first time someone actually go into your house. Luckily, your husband doesn’t marry himself anyone dumb. You blew out your candle, and the world was casted in darkness.

He fired, in a attempt to hit you, but you were already running. You ran, and tried to think of where would be the best place to go. Should you lock yourself in your husbands lab? What about running outside? Should you risk going upstairs, and getting a better weapon? You tried to think fast, but a bullet finally landed its mark.

You have a yelp of pain, as you were soon falling to the ground. A bullet right in your leg, and your only means of any defense was clattering out of reach. Just left to bleed in the hallway. The portraits of your friends, and family, left to just watch as your attacker found you. The moonlight casting a terrifying glow over his masked features.

“Well that was easy. Husband still coming to save you?” He mocked, as you were left to try and crawl away. Just taunting you, as he knew you couldn’t stand. You suppose this was poetic justice. You were now the victim, and you now had a mad man above you.

There was also something else above you. The rise of the candle holder you had lost in the fall. The darkness made it impossible for the attacker to see, but your angle had the moonlight sparkling on it. The gold a beacon of hope, as it was raised above his head.

“Maybe I should enjoy myself. Damaged goods are still goods, aren’t they?” He cackled at you. Just saw you as nothing more than a damsel of meat to enjoy, and oh did that made your husband growl.

“HANDS OFF MY DARLING!” And down it came. The attacker was down on the ground, wondering how he was hit. Was just left to watch, in horror, as the candle holder was held up by nothing at all. To just watch it come down and hit him over and over.

And over.

And over.

And over.

The blood was pooling. So much splatter, that you could make out your husbands shape. To see the defined features he held. Like his nose, the scars in his flesh, and how his face was in a scowl. He was not one to cross. His own partner, in his own home? Needles to say you’ll need to buy a candle holder.

“Jacky-!” Despite the pain in your leg you were raising your hands up. Eager to be held by your savior. No care for the blood, as you saw it in a cruel justification. Your husband saved you, and you needed to be held.

“My darling-“ He swooned, as you were scooped into his arms. Held close to his chest, and safe in his hidden embrace. With whispers of comfort, as you were quickly taken to his private lab. Safe, and to be treated.

“Oh darling, I should have hurried home sooner.” He was quick to blame himself. The only time he ever seemed to accept blame, really. If you were in harms way he takes guilt with out a second thought. Anything else? Never his fault. He really put you above himself. Above science. Above world dominate. Everything was beneath you.

“Jacky, hush. I’m ok now. You are here now.” You tried to calm him, as he would tend to your leg. Careful calculations. You didn’t even need to see his face to know those once white eyebrows were knitted close together. That he would be sticking his tongue out the corner of rosey lips. To have his violet eyes narrowed to make sure he pulled out the bullet just right.

He made sure you were as pampered as possible, while soothing your wound. Made sure it was cleaned, and patched, what have you. Muttering away at himself about the the annoyance of mankind. The normal.

“I’ll deal with him in the morning. Along with the mess I left behind. Greymatter is all over the walls.” He laughed, as he would proceed to use a wet cloth to clean up the blood off his body. To once again vanish into nothingness.

Call yourself insane, but you swore you could always tell where he was. Maybe being exposed to him for so long has caused you to develop some kind of second hand effects. Maybe you just held a bond with him like no other. You didn’t know. You just knew that you didn’t need to see him to see him, as cheesey as it was.

“You better. My word, you bent that holder into a spiral. I swear-“ You teased, as you were scooped into his arms again. Just a floating bundle of warmth and love. Certainly would cause the strangest of sight to those who were unaware. Which is most of the population. As far as anyone knew you were a widow. That typically keeps people from wanting your hand, but not always.

“He dare lay a hand on you. To harm you. To think he could….Oh his organs would be useless for science. I’m certain they are as dead as his brain is mush. Even his body is no use!” He ranted on, as he would bring you back upstairs.

You both knew his body would be used for some experiment, but the emotions are what matter. Had you nuzzling your face in his neck, with whispers of kisses. The only thing to sooth his raging heart.

“Jacky, let’s get some sleep. I know you had a busy weekend with your friends.” That had him finally stop his muttering. For you, he would defy the laws of nature. Suppose getting some sleep will be what he could offer, tonight anyway.

You would be laid down, as if a maiden by her knight, as he went to get into some sleep clothes. Such as some boxers, and a old shirt he had back when he wasn’t the madman he was today.

It always was so funny to watch, no matter how many times it’s been witnessed. To just see a floating set of clothes. It always had you smiling. To have his mannerism so memorized that you can still imagine them. The way he would sassily rest a hand on his hip, as he paced in thought. To how he would run his fingers through his white hair.

“Jacky….Bed.” You gentler cooed. Was followed by a sigh, from him, as that invisible hand would lift up the blankets. Now a indentation on the bed. All you need to find him. To find him, and snuggle into his chest.

“Welcome home.” You yawned. Safe in his arms again. To feel his scared fingers rub your back, as he would treasure you close. With literal invisible kisses to your face. As if it would be a cure to all your worries. Suppose he was right, they were.

“So good to be home again, darling.” He returned, as you could feel his breathing relax. To have his burning heart cooled. You were the very thing that kept him away from the world. The draw bridge of civilization and a apocalypse.

Maybe if you get bored enough, one day, you’ll lower that bridge.

[sanchoi21]

Random Thoughts

Toji x Reader

Sometimes one night stand are better than actually getting caught up with something that is too much to handle. Getting caught up in a certain person that makes you lose your sanity and everything just to leave you alone at the end because of your attitude that he doesn't like now?! Then where were his eyes all those years?

I used to hate one night stands until today. But I think they are pretty convenient with no strings attached. No affairs, no marriage and no pressure from your and his families and no taking care of annoying people who don't even acknowledge you.

Just like that, at my regular night at the bar after a long day of college. I met him, Toji. He sat there in all his glory as my eyes for the first time layed on something so beautiful, that it made me wanna break it so bad. So I headed towards his direction and sat beside him. He reeked of alcohol but still was somber, heavy weight I guess. We soon got passed the introductions as I found myself on top of him in less than an hour. The night was young and beautiful, I got to have what I wanted for the first time. Pretty boys are such a rarity these days and once you find one, he can never be yours for whatever reasons. Soon after the night ended I left him, of course he was wonderful, but i was scared to get attached to someone who I don't even know about. I was scared to fall for him than what I already had in one night, so I left as soon as possible, before I could see his emrald eyes that begged me to stay.

Few months passed just like that. I am not someone who frequently had one night stands Or bfs, I rarely have them. Because men are selfish creatures. Never found one that thought about me.

One day again I saw him standing in front of my house, as my heart pounded and adrenaline rushed in my veins. After he knocked I opened the door and dismissed all his advances. Though he kept stalking but i didn't mind cause I loved the attention. Call me toxic cause I am and I guess we all are in some way or other.

As days kept going, he brought me flowers, jewelry, also stupidly tried to do my household chores. But I never responded, cause he deserves better, not some trash like me. Even though by now i had already fallen deeper for him.

The thing that still surprised me is that he never stopped any of it. He even insisted on going to dates to get to know each other more, but my stubborn self still denied it. It's not like I disregard his love, I am just scared to be left alone, is that wrong, when all that happens in my life is I end up being alone??

Days passed into months and years and he kept trying, and finally my shell had melted and I decided to accept him. We got married and even have kids now. And that's when i stared to realized that some people come in our life to stay forever and not to leave. It's a first but it happened and I am happy today. I wondered why i didn't allow him at first, maybe we could have done more things together, made more memories. But no issues we can do it now!

And I really hope, that just like this ff we all also find our soulmates, the ones that actually stay till the end. Thankyou! I got more emotional in this one, my bad.

@songmingi21

[talaofthevalley]

Touya being the unofficial relationship counselor among his siblings. They'll rant about and bemoan their relationship struggles to him, not specifically seeking advice but just to vent, only for him to spout some laser-pointed statements at them without deigning them worth his full attention except for when they're being especially annoying and self-pitying. Or dense to their problems.

"Fuyumi, the reason your relationships don't last is because trying to get to know you is like trying to cut a vegetable with a foam knife. Frustrating and gets you nowhere. And you're not fun or sponteanous enough to be a fun fling. I know you're worried your only notable traits is being a stand-in mom, but either get over it or try to develop more of a personality if it worries you so much."

"Natsu, obviously you're having communication issues when you refuse to ever talk about your own problems or gripes. You're not fucking special enough to be ignored by the whole world to justify not talking about your issues. It's fucking frustrating trying to comfort you because of it. Now go call your girlfriend and talk shit out."

"Shouto it sounds like you're used to getting your way in some fashion and having a hard time adjusting to bullheaded stubborness not solving everything. Pull your head out of your ass and the tunnel, Shouto. Also you're emulating father with that pushy behaviour, cut it out."

And during a time they're all meeting up at Fuyumi's place, they ask how the hell he's so good at this. Touya just kinda shrugs and drops an unexpected bomb on the kotatsu they're all huddled around.

"I do have a boyfriend."

Shouto, Fuyumi, and Natsuo stares back at him. Touya stares back, not getting why they suddenly got all quiet, or are looking at him like he's grown a second head.

Then Touya's eyes widen in realisation. "Oh shit, I forgot to tell you."

"Forgot?!" Natsuo exclaims.

"Apparently. Guess that's what strained family relationships does to you."

"How long??" Fuyumi asks.

"Five years, give or take. Took like a year before we made it official."

"Five years?!"

"Where do you think I got all my 'wisdom' as you brats call it from? That's fucking experience talking. And an outsider perspective is way fucking easier when it comes to spotting pitfalls."

"Who is it?" Shouto asks, curious. "Do we know them?"

"Yeah, it's Tenko," Touya answers easily. Then he narrows his eyes. "Wait, did you really not suspect it at all?"

Shouto tilts his head in response. "Why should we have?"

"Not you so much, you were a baby, but Fuyumi and Natsu definitely. I stayed more at Tenko's place than at the house as a teenager and he showed up at the house all the time when I actually was there."

Natso and Fuyumi absorb this, thinking back. Fuyumi rubs the corners of her eyes, messing up her glasses. "Looking back, yeah, now I feel dumb for not noticing."

"You really were together all the time," Natsuo muses, staring at the ceiling as he goes through memories of his brother and his best friend near attached at the hip. Shimura really would just show up at the house no matter the hour. Sometimes Natsuo would wake up and Shimura would be there when he definitely hadn't been the night before. Thinking back, it was always when Touya was feeling especially bad.

"Now I've got something tangible to point at when you all try to claim you're not dense as fuck."

Natsuo thinks back, to Shimura Tenko and his brother, and how Tenko would get this look in his eyes whenever he looked at his brother, how his posture would straighten up from a slouch and tense in what he could with the power of hindsight recognise as protectiveness. All without Touya noticing. And he thinks his brother probably couldn't talk about being dense to them. But then again, he's had what appears to be a stable relationship for five years now.

"Does he still slouch all the time?" Natsuo can't help but ask.

"Nah," Touya sips from his tea cup. "Enough slaps to the ass to make him jerk straight fixed it."

"Bro, too much info."

"I've listened to every single one of you's woes about intimacy, you have no right to complain. Be happy I'm not using it as blackmail."

[kogji]

Aki Hayakawa; The beast tamer

If I rummage through Aki's drawer and find many books with titles like, "How to deal with Troublesome Children?" "What to do with children with bad attitude?" "What do we do about picky eaters?" I won't be surprised at all. But I won't be surprised if I don't find any books either because the guy is a big brother by default.

I don't think he had much opportunity to play the role of big brother as a child. His little brother's health condition demanded all attention of their parents. Their house was the only building in an open area, so he had no friends, neighbors, or playmates. Spending his boring childhood days in loneliness and neglect made him angry. There is only so much understanding that one can expect from a child.

But a few minutes of seeing his little brother's playfulness and laughter was enough to subdue his anger and turn it into concern. He is indifferent, inattentive, even cold on the outside, but on the inside he is caring, protective and compassionate. His first reaction to Denji is to resort to violence to prevent him from joining the squad. I wonder how many times he's done this with newbies and how many times it actually worked.

These characteristics are also can be seen in his relationship with Denji and Power. Although Aki draws a line for them and says that they have no rights and are "killable", they soon realize that he is bluffing. Why would they believe that coming from someone who wakes up early in the morning to do their laundries, clean their messes and make delicious breakfast for them? It doesn't take long for them to play a prank on him that Aki calls it vile.

He uses the same old classical conditioning. Reward for behaving, scolding for mischievous. He know he can't work miracles so has low expectations. Mr. nagger does a great job in turning primitive people into civilized ones.

To me, his acceptance is his best quality. One second he is a boy with a family and normal issues, then all alone in this world with the memory of his life crushing in front of his eyes. Although he is bent on revenge, he is too realistic to think that he has a chance to kill the gun devil. He accepts that when he lies one of those graves, the gun devil is still out there, and he accepts that he can at least pave the way for others with his life. And finally, the day comes when he accepts that there are more important things for him. That he is willing to give up his revenge to have Denji and Power by his side, and he accepts that Denji is going to kill him one day. He accepts life as it is.

The soft spot he has for his siblings breaks my heart. The sight of Denji's tears is enough for him to accept defeat. He is with his family now to continue his unfinished game forever.

Actually, I wanted to see scenes of him with Power, just both of them. Of the nights he stays awake next to her, the moments she takes shelter in his arms. But maybe they weren't that close or he didn't meant much to Power. I don't know.

[k-s-morgan]

Another monthly update! So, this month was extra stressful since the shelling of Kyiv resumed. Unfortunately, most explosions happened not far from me, and each of them terrified me as usual. From better news, none of them damaged my home or the homes of my loved ones, and Germany seems to have given a modern air defense system to my city in particular. All missiles were destroyed lately, including today, and I hope that our luck sticks.

Of course, everything is scary even when the air defense system is at work. You’re reading the news, seeing information about 20, 50, or 100 missiles entering Ukrainian territory, and then you just wait quietly, wondering if one of these missiles is going to reach your city, your district, your house. I often feel sick with worry during these moments. I can’t distract myself with anything, I’m glued to my phone and trying to fight the uncontrollable tremors. When explosions start, it’s chilling, and even though I now recognize the sounds of air defense system, I’m never sure if I’m right. Like today: I heard 4+ explosions, I saw the smoke coming up, and I couldn’t tell if the missile hit or was destroyed because what I hear and think is not reliable in these situations.

The worst thing is when electricity and Internet disappear. I have no way to find out if the air raid continues, if it stopped or if it started anew. I can’t connect with other people, so I’m just cuddling my cats in the dark apartment under the blanket and keep praying for the best.

I reconnected with one of my friends recently. She lived on territories occupied by Ruzzia for a while, and I barely recognized her when I saw her. She looks decades older than she actually is. She witnessed some of her friends tortured and killed for nothing but amusement. Her son was shot at from the tank by Ruzzians when he tried to get some water, and the fact that he survived is a miracle. Speaking with her horrified me and broke my heart. I just can’t wrap my mind around any of this.

Your words and support mean everything to me. They help me stay strong and encourage me to keep writing. I’m starting my new Tomarry story in November, and since war will be a big part of it, I look forward to expressing some of my feelings and experiences there. I always read and re-read all of your words when I’m feeling down or scared, and I can’t tell how much motivation this gives me.

Also, huge, huge thanks to those who keep supporting me via Patreon. My financial situation has been consistently difficult for the last several months: everything is getting more expensive, my parents’ salaries got reduced, and while I still have mine, health issues gained volume. My cats, my pigeons, my family, myself — we all got sick and some of us are still recovering. Both of my cats had their surgeries this month, and this alone cost me 90% of my salary. Without your contributions, I don’t even know what I’d do. They helped me cover everything and make it through this month.

Here’s my lovely cat Tom after his surgery: he was sleeping for 3 hours right on top of me after I brought him back home.

And this is Simura. Unfortunately, this baby might require another procedure in November. She has a runny nose and she’s sneezing blood occasionally. No treatment worked so far, so we might have to sign up for rhinoscopy.

I’m excited to share the update of my Black Butler story and hopefully the first chapter of another Tomarry. Thank you for your asks, comments, notes and messages. This is a life-changing time, and all of you will forever remain a part of this journey in my memory. I’m so grateful to all of you.

My electricity has just disappeared again, but I charged my laptop enough to last me for several hours, so I’m going back to writing. Have a good, peaceful night/day!

[the-frankenmost]

Alright so, I don’t talk about my canon openly very much, but I think there’s at least two people who want to hear about here so I’m just gonna ramble.

I don’t remember a lot before Gloomsvile so we’re not getting much of a “backstory” here :/ sorry. I do remember that it was only Mom though. I was a total momma’s boy. Len was very obviously the favorite though. I don’t really want to get into that here. I had (and still have) ADHD and Autism. Can’t comment on Len too much because memory is still very fragmented, but he definitely was not neurotypical. I was a very sensitive little guy while Len was the more rough and tough boy. Mom would call me a cry baby a lot. Len and I were twins, we weren’t born conjoined. I don’t remember how we died which is probably a good thing. Len loved creepy crawlies, I did not. He’d play with worms and I’d just be there freaking out. Still really don’t like the squirmy type.

Came to Gloomsville in search of more and stayed because, Ruby, duh. R.I.P Actually hit it off In Gloomsville and the neighboring towns. I remember the first time we made it into the paper, Ruby threw a big party and Len and I ate too much and got sick lol.

One time Skullboy thought he was related to a long line of Rock Stars and tried to get us to let him join the band. I’m named Frank for a reason (jk). Shut that shit down quick. Dude sucks at music. I think Iris AND Misery had had crushes on us for a while but that was extremely short lived. I don’t think anyone in that house was straight

(-Poe & Skull Boy) but I was probably the last one to come out for reasons we’ll get to later.

This is where the memories get more frequent and also a bit more sensitive. Read ahead at your own risk please.

Len and I had a medical emergency one night and for some reason the only solution the doctors could think of was to separate us, we were so far gone when they had us sign a waiver so neither of us could comprehend what was happening. Woke up in my own hospital bed in my own hospital room. Good lord the fear I felt that afternoon. Apparently Len had been freaking out way worse because he’d woken up like two days before I did. Shit was terrifying. You’d think “oh well now you get to experience privacy!” Fuck that I want my brother. I don’t remember exactly what had been wrong but both of us needed several different transplants, I got a new stomach. With that came new stomach issues. Could no longer have a lot of favorite foods or I’d get really sick. Len got off easy, I’m happy for him. We both got new dicks because we’d shared one. God bless that decision holy shit.

It was shortly after the emergency separation is when my mental health started to decline and I had that big meltdown that Skull Boy found reason enough to break my nose. In all fairness he’d thought I’d shoved Ruby when really I’d just startled her pretty bad. Not much better in my opinion. She didn’t deserve that. The guilt is what drove me to go hide in the woods surrounding the house. I’d originally planned to cool off and then lock myself in the garage for a while but fate had other plans for me that night. Took a tumble all the way down that huge hill the house sat on. I tried to find my way back home, I really did I promise. But I’d been so exhausted and was so lost I’d ended up in the neighboring town in the complete opposite direction of the house. I was lost in those woods for so long I’d kinda lost it a bit. My brain convinced me that there was nothing for me back home and that they didn’t want me there anymore. Kinda exiled myself at that point. Some guy found me collapsed in the snow and took me to him place to fix me up so I wouldn’t die out there. Definitely would have if he hadn’t found me. He’s the one who gave me the train ticket and the deed to the farm in Pelican town.

The train ride took days to get to Zuzu city. I slept the whole time anyway so don’t remember much. Lewis met me at the station and escorted me to the bus to the town. Passed out on the bus and woke up in the hospital, again. Getting real sick of that. Harvey thought Lewis had brought him a corpse at first so when I’d woken up he freaked out. Comforting. People would come visit. They were so nice. Got released from the hospital and Lewis and Robin showed me to the Farm. I miss the farm to this very day. I’d give anything to go back. Got the place all cleaned up with Robin’s help. Hid in the old cottage, refusing to come out for a month or so. Finally decided to try planting the seeds Caroline had given me to start the garden. Was very cynical about it until the little baby seedlings popped up. Immediately was hooked. I’d sit on the steps leading to the patio and just talk to the little guys. Random chicken showed up on my property one day and that’s when I’d met Jas, Vincent and Charlie. Jas was fascinated while Vincent was dragging her away from the farm screaming and crying that I was going to eat them. Only came outside to water after that. I’d catch Jas snooping around the property. She reminded me of Ruby so I’d get sad. She’d leave little flowers from the fields surrounding the ranch just south of the farm. Those flowers kept me chugging during that period of time. Eventually decided I wanted to keep Chickens for company so I made my way to the ranch. That’s when I met Marnie and Shane. Marnie had Shane help me with building the coop and the run. Didn’t say much. Marnie took it upon herself to keep pressuring him to come help on the farm after a while. He’d never really say much to me. We all know where that ended up.

Shane and I would talk more and more with each visit. Jas would come help too. I got fairly dependent on their visits. As Shane and I would talk more we’d get closer. We officially started dating about six months after I’d first got there. I was happy for the first time in ages, and so was he.

Things carried on as they were for two years until the big Stardew County fair. I was cleaning up my little booth when I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. I don’t know how or why they’d decided to attend this fair of all the other fairs and festivals but they’d found me. Len quickly went from sobbing in relief that I was alive to throttling me. Oh ho ho he was pissed when he found out about Shane. Had to pry him off of him. Poor Shane was so rattled. We had a big sit down talk with everyone. Skull Boy couldn’t even look me in the eyes. I could tell he blamed himself for my disappearance, and that made me feel terrible. Ruby never gave up on looking for me.

Everything eventually went back to normal. They’d come visit fairly regularly. Len would just show up unannounced sometimes but I liked it. Shane didn’t. Shane and I eventually got married and this is where you’d think it was happily ever after. I wish that was the case. I really do. I don’t remember the exact amount of time between that and my eventual, untimely death. It wasn’t long enough though. I was so happy. I had my friends back. I had my brother back. I was married with an adopted daughter, though Jas continued to refer to me as “ Uncle Frank” I didn’t mind though. I’d told Shane I was going to the mines and he practically begged me not to go because I’d previously gotten hurt down there, but I’m a hard headed, stubborn idiot. He knew he couldn’t stop me so instead he came along. I don’t know what happened down there, as I’ve blocked it out but something terrible obviously. Shane carried me all the way to Harvey’s, but it was too late. There was nothing anyone could do.

And now I’m here. Anyway, it’s 2am so I’m going to sleep now. I’m certain there are typos but I can’t be bothered. Goodnight.

[erigold13261]

Dream from 7/9/2024

After my Mahito dream I just posted about, my dream turned into a setting where I was like a pre-teen girl who was an older sibling to another girl. My younger sister was much more appreciated and basically the golden child where I couldn't do anything right because if I had anything less than 100 then I was seen as a failure.

It was a clear sign of favoritism which broke me when I got a 96 on a test and told my sister not to tell our parents so I could explain first there were trick questions, but she didn't listen, told them and they told me how disappointed they are and lectured me even though my sister was shit at school.

I put my all into my schooling and had no friends to the point I felt so isolated that this issue was what broke the camel's back and I had gone into the gun safe my father had and took out a gun to contemplate giving my parents their perfect family without their problem child.

But then I put the gun back and instead packed up a secret bag full of clothes and other stuff I would need like money I stole from my parents' room, some pans and tarps, a knife, things that would allow me to survive in the woods for months since apparently I knew how to live in the outdoors from camping trips or something.

I also took one of my mom's unused perfumes that was way in the back so if my parent's used scent dogs I could mask my scent with perfume to stay out longer.

Anyway, I went to school by walking but instead of going into school I actually just turned around and started walking with some of these younger kids who were going home for some reason? I don't know why, it was the morning so it's not like they were half-day students, plus they were younger and shouldn't have been walking alone but they were and I tried using them as cover.

Unfortunately my father had told the school I was being punished or something and so the guards took note of me leaving and started to follow me from a distance. I realized they were doing this and was able to break eyesight by turning the corner and going down an alleyway. Then I hid my bag somewhere and jumped into this weird ass pool that looked like a minecraft house was built on it so that I could stay under water as the security walked by.

For some reason the security officer went in the pool too to look for me. He didn't find me but it was very nerve wracking and I was struggling to hold my breath. He ended up leaving to go look for me somewhere else.

Afterwards, I went home to change my clothes and get my bag as well as some other essentials I couldn't grab with my parents home. Some pots and pans, a matchbook, probably some other stuff I can't remember at this moment.

Then I went and walked to the shopping center, went to a sports area and bought a small but good tent and played off being alone to the employees by saying my dad let me pick my own tent and stuff to be a big girl while he was in the store next door (and pretended to be a rich kid or something like "do you know my father" so that they wouldn't be wondering why my dad just gave me so much money to go into a store alone).

And from there I went and got a bus ticket or a train ticket and just rode it to the outside of the city. During the ride I took a few stops off, changed my clothes while in a bathroom. Once I got to one that had a window I could get out of, I cut my hair with either the knife I had or some scissors I brought.

Pretty sure I just went out the window at this point, but I did have a reverse memory (meaning later in the dream I revisiting this part) and went into the janitor's closet to hide for the night. Though that was a later edition to the dream and so I don't count it as canon. I just went out the window to leave.

I walked to the forest and made sure to find a dense area that still had a relatively close water source near by and started to set up my area.

I made sure I had a tarp for wood, set that on a small hill so that any wood I get wouldn't get water logged. Also covered the top in leaves and branches so it wasn't seen easily.

I dug a big pit and put leaves and other insulation into it then set up my tent on top so it was kinda below the ground so I had less to cover with leaves and branches when hiding the tent from others (it was also a green color instead of the blue like the tarp).

And I basically set up camp, making sure I had two seasonal outfits that stayed clean so when I needed to go back to the city/civilization to get some supplies with the rest of the cash I had, I wouldn't look like a homeless kid.

I did also get some hair bleach and bleached my hair using the river (I made sure to do this downstream so that I wouldn't contaminate the water I was drinking from, but I still put bleach in the water so that probably wasn't the best for the wildlife).

And yea, I had my whole area set up and changed my appearance. I made a bow from some twine and branches that I peeled and dried over my fire (which I made a version of that was in the ground. Just looked it up and it was like the Dakota Hole Fire if you look up scout fire pits. I wanted to make sure my fire wasn't going to be seen by others easily, especially at night when I was cooking).

I made sure my food was away from my base in case there were bears. I had a filter for water plus some extra cheese cloth and storage containers in case my filter broke (I made sure to also boil the water before putting it into the filter).

Whenever I met someone on the trail I told them I was camping with my family and just taking a walk. Though that lie got less and less believable as time went on as I looked less and less presentable.

I was actually able to live like this for a while. A couple of months, up until I was found by a couple that noticed I looked like the girl that went missing a while ago because my hair had grown and the roots of my hair were now showing.

But going back to when I left. The security guards continued to pursue me for a bit before giving up and radioing back to the school I was missing (you know, instead of immediately radioing that I left while they looked for me so the school could inform my parents right away and someone could have possibly gone home and caught me before I left, but that's the school system for you).

I was gone by the time my parents got home, and they were so upset with themselves because I left a note saying they can finally have their perfect family or something like that. I think it was like "Now you can have your wanted daughter only." No, it wasn't that, but it was along those lines. It was shorter I think, but same vibe.

Anyway, they did actually try to use scent dogs as well as surveillance video, but the perfume plus me going in and out of restrooms and changing my appearance, as well as only using cash, not cards, really threw everyone off.

I don't know exactly what happened with my family because my dream didn't really focus on them as it was focusing on me in the woods. But it did show me that my English teacher did have a diary project going on for the year (it was late in the school year) and my family wanted to see if I wrote anything in there.

Funnily enough, my teacher never looked in the diary because she literally told us she wouldn't. This was supposed to be a diary for us and she was just going to keep it safe. I didn't believe her, so when you read my diary it was stuff like "I know you're gonna read this, but I'll be truthful anyway" or things like being super vague like "I had THAT dream again" so that the teacher wouldn't be able to tell my parents things I wrote down (I even apologized to the teacher in my diary for being vague and explained that my parents don't like me so I don't want them knowing some of the dreams I had).

Because of how I wrote things, they couldn't figure out where I would go, but they did realize just how much they fucked me up by giving my sister preferential treatment while always pushing me to be better and better (I think they had the idea that I was the older sibling and so I needed to be a good role model, but it just broke me in the end).

So yea, I was alone for months, from the like late spring to late fall/early winter. I had actually planned to be out this long and had brought a seasonal change of clothes, along with a jacket, and by this time had figured out how to use hide from the animals I killed (mainly small animals like rabbits, birds, and squirrels) so I had warm insulation and make-shift clothes for the colder months.

I was only found because, like I said, my hair had grown and my roots were starting to show, so a couple found me in the woods, a couple that I have met before on multiple occasions as they frequent the woods and they no longer believed my story that I was just camping with my family, and they called the police.

When the police got me, I was taken from my little hovel and brought to the police station. I don't think I was immediately reunited with my parents, but by this time in the dream I was starting to wake up IRL so I was gaining more control which is usually the end of the fun parts of my dream.

Pretty sure I was just depressed that I was back and continued to say how my parents didn't love me and I was just giving them the life they wanted with their actual wanted child. I don't remember what the CPS person said, or what my parents said, but they were broken by me leaving the way I did.

I don't think I ever got a reaction of what my sister felt. I think my dream was gonna make her mad at me for leaving and fucking up her life. I don't feel like she was going to be sad I was gone or worried about me. So yea, that part of the dream I never really got a resolution for at all.

But by this point I was awake and just trying to keep remembering my dream so I could write it down here.

[talekinesis]

I want to hate my dad but I can't (TW: Alchohol and Abandonment Issues)

I don't know if I've vented about him before but the feelings are back so I'll do it again

I wish I could be mad at my dad but I feel like I can't, because nothing he does is intentional, and he really does (kinda) try his best, and I know he loves me

But he was always really distant throughout my childhood, never really spending time with me. He always stayed in his bedroom drinking and smoking (and smoke makes me sick so I couldn't go in there) or on the porch smoking

It's actually kinda funny. I have congenital anosmia (born without a sense of smell) but I can smell cigarette smoke, it's like the only thing I actually can smell, idk how that works

The decent memories I have of him in his old house when he still lived in my state were kinda overshadowed by the few memories of when he got drunk and I had to call my grandpa to come get me. My dad never got violent drunk, but he did yell at my stepmom, accuse her of cheating because he went through her phone and found a work related text between her and a coworker (and for some reason he decided to tell me this when I was twelve)

He got drunk, yelled, she kicked him out of their room, he came out into the livingroom, and broke the coffee table

Then there was the time shortly after we had to stay with my grandma, where he also got drunk and got into a yelling match with my equally drunk uncle, and I had to sit on the couch and comfort my little cousin because she was crying, scared

Both times I called my grandpa to come get me (I still live with the guilt of abandoning my little cousin, because she kept asking me not to leave her there alone)

Then he just left the state to move to South Carolina with my stepmom (no hate to her, I LOVE her, she's literally my second mom) and I think that left me with some abandonment issues, and I got even less time to see him after that

We went from being on the same property (yet not really spending time together) every other weekend, to me seeing him every other year, to eventually every two or three years

And now when I go to South Carolina to stay with him, he still doesn't spend time with me, he stays on the front porch, smoking, and watching YouTube

He will not let me interrupt his youtube, he won't let me show him videos when I try to connect, and when I asked him to go shopping with me, he stayed in the car while I went inside (I can't really blame him for that, he has health issues due to all the smoking and drinking and he has to sit down)

I spent an ENTIRE MONTH in South Carolina to try and spend time with my *Father* but the whole time he sat outside or in the laundry room and watched youtube. Even if I sat down to watch a movie with him, he'd get up and spend most of that time outside, leaving my stepmom and I to watch the movie together inside

But I know he loves me, he just doesn't do anything about it

He texts me to tell me 'good night' and 'I love you,' I know he's depressed because he doesn't really have me in his life, he's changing his habits and lifestyle because he wants to live longer to see me and my brothers grow up (he cut back smoking A LOT, he went sober for two years, and recently cut back on how much meat he eats) he gets me birthday and Christmas gifts, and he gets sad when I have to leave SC to go home

But when I'm THERE, WITH him, he doesn't do shit with me or really even talk with me

The most he talked to me and spent time with me that whole month I was there was to show me The Matrix, which he actually got excited about and finished the movie with us

I wasn't super into it, but I tried to be because I was actually spending time with my dad for once

He says he respects me being nonbinary, but also actively refuses to use my name and pronouns and says shit like "Yeah I respect your choice, but you're actually a girl, and I know this because I'm your father, and I was there when you were born. And I'm not going to tell people I have a 'kid' I'm going to tell them I have a girl or a daughter, and you'll always be a girl to me."

I want to be angry at him for all this, because I think it would be easier if I hated him, but I just can't because I know its not fully intentional, and I know he loves me, and I know he wants me around. I know he has issues that make him like this, but I also can't be completely forgiving because a lot of it is also his own fault

I stopped really having my dad in my life when I was still like 12, and now I'm 20 and I'm still hoping for his time and attention. I spent the majority of my life finding comfort in fictional father figures (Fictional characters I look at and just claim 'They're my dad now') because I didn't really have my own to look up to.

I want to hate him but I can't. He's not some neglectful abusive asshole, he's just my dad and he has issues

[percontaion-points]

Delicious Monsters chapters 39 & 40

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 39

Mom wouldn’t look at me. Wouldn’t speak to me. Wouldn’t leave her room. The single exception had been to go to the lawyer, Mr. Helms, who, apparently, also did criminal law, and even then I suspect Mom only went to avoid looking worse in the public eye.

The only reason why she retained Mr. Helms was in order to avoid making herself look bad. Not to help Daisy with the assault charges. 

What an outstanding mother. 

Mr. Helms said he was confident this wouldn’t go to trial and that he could reach a settlement with the Crown that worked for everyone. Jail time was unlikely—stays in a facility were for more frequent offenders in situations where they were likely to reoffend.

Full offence and my apologies to Daisy, but I feel like her being 100% removed from the situation would be in Daisy’s best interest. 

There was a basement that I didn’t even know about with this huge walk-in freezer that, according to Mom, was apparently sealed shut…

I hope I don’t have to explain to you that I’ve seen enough crime dramas to know that there’s probably a body in that freezer that can’t be opened…

“I have done everything for you! I don’t have any dreams. I don’t have anything I want to do. There’s not even a fucking point because I have always just existed to help you! And for what?!”

Boom. 

That I didn’t stand there one moment longer to imagine what that life could be like. And then I ran straight for the house.

Chapter 39 summary: Daisy mainly sat listless at home after the incident. She didn’t go to school, nor did Grace tell her to go. 

A while later, King shows her the video on youtube. It started off really nice. And then it got to the attack. The people in the comments were mean, and exceptionally racist. Implying that “this is what you get for trusting THOSE people.” Hint hint. But there’s also comments from former classmates of Daisy who claim that she attacked a girl when she was in elementary school. 

The biggest blow is a comment from Noah who doubles down on this idea that he wasn’t actually in a relationship with Daisy, but that he’s nothing but a victim of her psychotic behaviour. 

After that, Daisy snaps. As I think she has every right to do. She goes to her mum and tells her that she’s done being Grace’s support system. That she wasn’t born simply to be a tool. What exactly did Grace expect was going to happen as a result of all of the lies and manipulations and grooming and gaslighting that she’s done over the years? 

Grace issues a bunch of really insincere apologies before she storms out, but after a while, Daisy eventually is like “Shit.” over the entire thing. She thinks that maybe her mum went into the house to off herself. 

Chapter 40

But he was right. He’d told me to be careful about what I said to Mom. He had probably come to show me the video specifically so he could help me avoid exploding on her. Instead of letting me find it on my own and screaming at her. Which I did anyway.

Full offence, but there was literally no way that Daisy’s situation was going to end well. Not with the powder keg that Grace groomed Daisy into. 

What the hell was Mom doing? Trying to get the house to help me? How deluded was she?

Grace legit had a baby because she thought that it would please the house. I don’t know how to explain to you how mental that entire situation sounds. 

Peter was wrong. There was a bird. It just wasn’t the one he was expecting.

Chapter 40 summary: In the house, Daisy is quick to find Ivy. The girl is still obsessed with finding out who that “girl” is. But despite everything, Daisy continues to refuse to give her mother up. I don’t understand it, but whatever. 

Ivy eventually shows Daisy another memory from the house. It’s of young Grace getting ready for bed one night. She sits up and begins to pray to the house that Peter’s molestation of her will stop. Eventually, she cuts off and begins to communicate with the house. Which we only hear Grace’s side of things, since Daisy has the maggot in her ear, which is presumably cutting off whatever the house says to her. Ivy insists that she can hear… But obviously the situation is kind of mental. 

The memory shifts to the daytime. Grace lures Peter into a room, claiming that a live bird flew in and needs help getting out. Except that it’s one of those butcherbirds, and it attacks him. 

[royalberryriku]

// vent (includes some very heavy topics)

//TW: trauma, panic, fight or flight, C-PTSD, abuse apologia, warped concept of reality, hypervigilance, paranoia, violence, thoughts of violence, anger issues? Maybe? Idk.

So, for the last few days my grandfather has been over, and he's been far away from me and everything, so it's fine and all. *But* lately my mental health has been at a low and everything he's said, every little tiny raise of his voice (not even at me or necessarily aggressive), or little gesture or wave or joke sends me into a state of defensiveness. I'm always readying myself for him to be a jerk and going through what to do. I'm always on edge.

Today in particular, I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and the heat sapped my energy even more (it was 38C and humid today) so I was irritable. I'm angry at everything and still very on edge. So when I had to deal with the inevitability of being home alone while my mum had to go work while I had to wait for my aunt to pick up my grandfather, I was left with very frayed nerves. Sure, we weren't even around each other and were at opposite sides of the house and I had my door closed, but even then, with the one or twice we spoke about the logistics of him leaving and me locking the dogs out because I was also leaving afterwards? I was very on edge and felt angry at him, my mum, everyone really. I know she has to go to work and this situation where he had to suddenly stay over for a while came unexpectedly, but I still feel resentful over the fact we ended up alone despite everything. It still *feels* as if she doesn't believe he every actually hurt me and that I'm fine. Which hey, maybe is true, but also maybe it isn't; he's a frail old man who gets confused and is only even here because he's sick and just had a heart operation. But even so? I was already irritable and this entire thing didn't help.

From there, I went from anxious to angry to imagining punching him to remembering every little or big thing he and others have done to make me feel so afraid, not in control of myself and so damn angry. I started feeling stuck in those feelings until I eventually became numb, calmed myself down, then saw him again and felt all that calmness disappear instantly. Now, home and wanting to just go tf to sleep, I'm stuck here in my thoughts, feelings and memories, and this seething anger that almost delves into violance and bloodlust for everyone who's ever hurt me.

I feel a mixture of that, disorientation, rejection, pleasure (from sensations born of memories of the kind of abuse, which leads into:) disgust (from thoughts and memories), fear, anger (at others and also myself), relief (from feeling validated and believing myself when I feel stuff, as if I assume everything's a lie because every time I've told my family any of this they've assumed that much), and of course paranoia of every potential future situation and how I could handle it. Considering my mental state right now, a lot of those "handling it" is with violance. Which isn't helpful for my mental state either especially with my desire to NOT let that rage control me and make me violent.

Which also brings me to another thing. So I tend to always numb my emotions and try to be constantly calm, but I'm starting to realise that's due to suppressing that exact type of anger and I'm constantly terrified of it which means I push my feelings down deeper out of fear. So. There's that as well.

Right now, I'm really just trying to calm my breathing and try not to fall into that anger. And trying not to imagine me stabbing him, or me shoving my head through a wall in frustration, or breaking anything. Sometimes, rage makes me fantasise about releasing said rage, but then I remember that breaking things and people to release it isn't a good idea and I push that away. Maybe I should invest in another stress ball. Or paint. Instead of breaking anything. So now I'm here, writing this out (which is helping quite a lot).

I'm in pain, but at least I can use it to write so I guess there's that. I'm trying to look at the positives, and I'm at least in the mood to fixate on that.

For future context for people who come across this vent and read all of this (thanks for caring and legit I'm sorry you all had to stumble upon this mess of a situation to read, it will happen again) the situations I've referred to with my grandfather and others are as noted below:

**// TW: CSA, incest, manipulation, grooming, lying, abuse apologia and, of course, abuse.**

So my grandfather touched my inappropriately as a child, touched my inner thigh when he was drunk, and he's consistently sexually harassed me/ been a creep all throughout my childhood as well. I'm very suspicious my uncle also tried to groom me as well considering he was extra "close" and followed me around constantly, offered me alcohol as a child (my grandfather did the same thing too) and persisted even when I refused. I also very distinctly remember that I was always afraid to be left alone with him, which is...very damn telling. Actually I felt that way with both so uh. Yeah.

Adding to this, there is also suspicion around a possible situation with either uncle or someone else (memory is hazy) who may have also assaulted me in a park, who also always poked me when I told him not to because it made me very uncomfortable and scared at the time, as well as several other instances of similar types of abuse. Adding, my grandfather is also a pisshead to my mother and has yelled at her for minor shit out of her control, berated her, kicked her out of his house when she was visiting her dying mother back when she was alive then went back to allowing her back (all after neglecting said mother as she was dying), and did many other shitty things.

My mother also defended him and tried to make out I imagined the fact he touched me as a child. And also had always trusted him around me when I was a child. She's now more aware of it and trying a bit more at least and somewhat trying to be understanding, but I'm pretty sure she thinks it's impossible he willingly hurt anyone and doubts me still. At least she acknowledges I feel like shit whenever he's around though and doesn't blame me like before. So that's part of why my anger can easily end up directed at her when I feel this way. Aaaand given that she's lied to me about things before regarding things that have happened so that they seem more innocent and people look better than how I remember them actually acting...yeah, I'm gonna say it's not fully undeserved, at least the irritation and wish she had been more honest and didn't try to hide shit. That just made me less safe while making her feel like I was. It wasn't for me but her, I think.

Anyway. That's the basic context behind this so I'm here trying not to lose my shit before he eventually leaves and seeing if I can actually function because...it's gonna be damn hard if I can't when we literally don't have a choice but to eventually live together in two seperate dwellings (locked from each other) on the same property/ land.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #078

What was the name of the first friend you ever made? Brianna. What is your dream honeymoon destination? Alaska. I want to see the Northern Lights with my partner. How many followers do you have on Instagram? Uh I just checked and actually both my main photography one and roadkill photos one have 86. What TV show will you always recommend anyone should watch? Extraordinary Attorney Woo, absolutely. That show touches me SO deeply; I'm very very sympathetic to those that suffer with autism (hell, *I* might), and I think it does a good job at expressing how important it is to treat everyone equally and open your mind to how others just exist differently but also just the same as everyone else. I hope that makes sense. It's just a very emotional and well-written show that highlights beauty in the individual. If you won one million dollars and HAD to spend it, what would you spend it on? So it sounds like charity isn't an option? In that case, I'd get a new place for Mom and me, a new car, figure out what debt I'm in to handle that... those are the important ones I can think of. I'd have to think further and more carefully on the less-important things and I don't feel like doing that rn for a hypothetical.

How many people have seen you completely naked in the last five years? Ummmm... I honestly want to say just one, my mom. Have you ever dated/been “involved” with someone of another race? If so, did your parents know? If not, would you ever? I dated Juan for literally a day, and he's Hispanic. Mom knew, but I don't think Dad did. He probably thought SOMETHING was going on though, because we used to hang out kinda regularly and pretty much since we met he was very open about liking me. Do you watch Criminal Minds? No. What’s the most depressing movie you’ve ever seen? The Boy in the Striped Pajamas tears my fucking heart open. I only ever watched it in school a few times, and each time I very easily cried at the end. Which TV shows do you own on DVD? I own seasons 1-4 of Meerkat Manor. I do plan on getting the fifth whenever it's released like that. Who is the first person who broke your heart? My dad, honestly. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Girt's dad was in Desert Storm, I know. I think my Mom's... grandpa was also in a war? Someone on her side has been. Who is the last person you cut out of your life? Mini, again. She shared transphobic shit (among other stuff...) on Insta and I was like nope, bye, for good this fuckin time. I can't stay in contact with her and pretend I'm standing for the rights so I firmly believe in. Name ONE good memory about your last ex? There was one night the first time I visited her where we just chilled in the room I was staying in listening to music and talking about the most random and pointless shit. I felt really bonded with her that night. Have you ever been shot? No, thankfully. Let's keep it that way, please. What has damaged you? More than anything, just poor mental health, but also broken promises, betrayal, losing people (I handle loss SO fucking poorly), growing up with parents that never stopped fighting, witnessing alcoholism, witnessing my sister be abused, and I guess in some ways you really could say love. Loving too hard is a real fucking thing. What kind of trees do you have in your yard? I actually don't know what they are. What do you feel guilty about? Jesus Christ... I'm tempted to skip this because I feel guilt over so much. How I treated Jason, how I talked to my dad before we made up, not having a job nor going to school, not exercising like I should, neglecting/not further exploring my talents, never being able to remember shit, not having stronger relationships with my siblings, not being as proactive with helping around the house, neglecting my physical health, and honestly for just... not being a friend to myself, at all. I want to stop here, this is upsetting me. Do you have commitment issues? That's something I've never struggled with. What is the coolest thing you can do? Uhhhh... idk. When did you last feel overwhelmed? I felt overwhelmed in the BEST fuckin way possible a couple days back; the Silent Hill franchise has been no less than totally revived with like, an hour-long (I think longer?) announcement of MULTIPLE upcoming game installments and a new movie! The first thing to be shared was the trailer for the FUCKING REMAKE of Silent Hill 2, my favorite game in the entire fucking universe, and I literally cried and shook for SO LONG, like I WANTED to faint. I am ECSTATIC and so fucking hyped to see how everything develops!! Do you have anything from past relationships? Yeah. Who was your most serious relationship? Jason, but Girt is getting pretty damn close as far as seriousness goes. I'm older and more matured now and this relationship is DEFINITELY healthier. When was the last time you cried? At the Silent Hill 2 trailer I mentioned a couple questions ago. My excitement is just so, so fucking beyond words. It actually LOOKS GOOD, which is super encouraging because a very large portion of the fanbase actually hasn't wanted a remake. I was on the fence about it, but I am SO into it now having seen the preview!! Do you ever feel left out? When? Yeah, I guess... I sometimes get jealous of Ashley and Nicole's relationship, thinking about it. They're pretty close and definitely talk with each other more and meanwhile I'm just over here in the corner uncomfortably twiddling my thumbs because I don't know how to engage with them. How useful do you feel to others? I feel COMPLETELY useless. Is there a loaded gun in your house? Do you have access to it? No, that wouldn't be legal with my mental health and history. I don't even WANT access to one. [TW: SELF-HARM] Have you ever inflicted pain on yourself? How? Yes, because I used to cut myself, usually with weird things like paperclips and thumbtacks. I never wanted to bleed out, just distract from the emotional pain. I also remember an occasion where I was just banging my fist against my bed's headboard to focus again on physical discomfort versus what I had going on mentally... Jason had to literally grab and hold me to make me stop. Do you like gore? Usually, anyway. Do you write poetry? Are you any good? Occasionally, and I guess I'm okay... I've actually been teetering on the brink of trying to write two poems and it's kinda a goal of mine to maybe publish a poetry book or something. Do you think dragonflies are cool? I do. What’s a game that you play often? I play some World of Warcraft pretty much daily. Do you like fudge? I fucking LOVE fudge, like that's one of my favorite treats in the world. Best movie soundtrack ever: I honestly feel like I gotta go with either Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron or Tarzan. Phil Collins is just a fucking legend. What was your favorite Disney movie as a kid? It was The Lion King and still is. I also very thoroughly enjoy the sequel and did as a kid as well. When’s the last time you were at a playground? A few years back when I was taking photographs for someone's family. Have you ever been to an apple orchard? No, but I would absolutely love to. Were there any cartoons your parents didn’t let you watch as a kid? Ummmm I don't know about not LETTING us, but I do know my mom really didn't like Cow and Chicken as well as Catdog. The former I didn't like/didn't watch anyway, but damn did I love Catdog. Do you need to clean your room? Sigh, yes. My mom dusted for me one day so a lot of plushies and knick-knacks had to be moved around and I just... haven't put them back. I'm going to before Girt's family comes here next weekend, though. I need to at least look like I have my shit together. I am heavily considering redecorating my room to something more minimalistic so it's easier for me to keep up with keeping it tidy and not a dusty disaster... No one ever really changes. They just get better at hiding their flaws. True or false? That is absolutely false. Do you drink milk? I do, but I wish I could change to something non-dairy... because the dairy industry is appalling. I am just so motherfucking picky. Could you handle motherhood? No. I can almost GUARANFUCKINGTEE I would end up killing myself or surrendering the kid because I just couldn't handle it, and that would haunt me to the end of my days. Would you rather have a bulldog puppy or a husky puppy? I don't want another dog period, but I think I would have to go with a husky; I don't support the breeding of animals that can't fucking breathe, so although I think bulldogs are ADORABLE, I couldn't stomach buying one. I guess however if it was purely an adoption/rescue case, I would definitely pick the bulldog. Huskies are SO fucking stunning, but I know I'd be bad at keeping up with grooming them as much as they require. Pancakes, or waffles? Eh, I go back and forth. Both are great. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Uh, yeah? Who doesn't? Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? They really are, actually. I just wouldn't enjoy them/literally couldn't now because of all the walking... but they offer some pretty cool and unique stuff. I had the BEST fudge one time when Colleen, her husband, and I all went on a random daytrip to the beach. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard? No, but holy shit that was the story of my childhood home. The whole area handled rain very, VERY badly, like the ditches 'round that area pretty much constantly have water and there's even this one spot where if there's a sudden downpour? One road is absolutely horribly flooded. It's a joke there. What color is your music device? Hot pink. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No? I always thought it was really nice for someone to even WANT my signature. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in? Strip club, to name one. Apple Jacks; yay or nay? Holy shit, I forgot about those, but big yay. They're great. What is the last cartoon that you have watched? Uhhhh... it woulda been something at Ashley's place yesterday with the kids. I feel like it was Spidey and His Amazing Friends (something like that), though I wasn't paying much attention to it. Have you ever been to a nursing home? I know I have at least once, to see the woman my mom used to take care of literally the day before she died... It was one of the most fucking heartbreaking things I've ever seen. I literally started crying in the room while trying so hard to hide it from Katherine. She was basically a corpse already. I literally cannot put it into words, what I felt looking at someone who was alive but also so, SO dead, and I barely even knew this woman... Who do you know that watches the most sports? Uh, either my dad or sister's husband, probably? Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school? Not at all, really; I was super well-behaved. I only ever got into trouble for having too many morning tardies, which were always my fault because I never wanted to get outta bed... Do you usually initiate hugs? Yes actually, I love hugs. Do you say “I love you” to your best friends? I am VERY much for telling your friends that; I sure do. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be? Markiplier. Do you hate it when people look over your shoulder? YES YES YES YES YES. Even if I have nothing to hide, I DO NOT like people doing this. Like I will literally stop what I'm doing. Who was the last person you offended? Probably Mom... she woke me up mid-nightmare this morning and I just totally screamed "WHAT?!" at her while still asleep. I felt like total fucking shit. Like I was THANKFUL she woke me up, because the nightmare involved getting in a fight with Jason, and I DO NOT want to know where it would've gone. I apologized to her and she said she understood that it "wasn't me," but still. I feel like shit. What is one thing you never want to lose? My pursuit to be artistic is one. Do you have a Wii? Yeah. Did you honestly listen to Michael Jackson before he died? I didn't really listen to him before or after he died. I mean he has some songs that are nice, but his music isn't something I chase. Do you ever have so much energy that it’s annoying? ... No? I honestly wish????? I have practically no energy. What is the most significant health issue you have been dealing with lately? I mean, probably my weight. I'm really struggling to get the protein I need to get these shots to do their job with burning the bad stuff, so my weight isn't moving much. I HAVE lost water weight though/have pretty much succeeded in incorporating a MUCH healthier amount of water in my life, but I'm still just frustrated. It's like nothing I do works. What was the name of the first guy/girl you dated? Aaron. What is something you love that you can’t get where you live? Uh, I'm real uncertain here; the only thing I can think of immediately is Hot Topic, which is a minimum hour drive to reach one. What quotes from TV or film do you use regularly (if any)? I don't think any, really. What are weird sites you can’t stop going on? Uh, none that are "weird," I think. What was your worst “Oh shit! Why did I say/do that?!” with a kid? I think just cursing on accident. I put sincere effort into not doing it around kiddos because they generally just don't understand when "bad" words just aren't appropriate in many social situations. What’s your biggest “I need to get a life” moment to date? Oh, fucking easy. Jason literally told me the most dedicated and ambitious he ever saw me was during my ~three-day intense camping of one of the rarest mounts in WoW, called the Time-Lost Proto-drake. I scheduled my sleeping/waking schedule to sync the minimum spawn times of it and the rare it shares a spawn chance with. It was extremely difficult to do but I sure did get that mount two days after my birthday. Him saying that still haunts me to this day, since I STILL kinda take his word as pure fact, and hearing him think I never tried harder for something than I did in a stupid game is fucking excruciating and I'm going to stop talking about it now. What stories are an absolute must read for your children/possible future children? IF I had kids, um... to be totally honest I've forgotten the plots of most children's books, but I remember I really liked Chrysanthemum and its message of meeting uniqueness with acceptance and even adoration. I'd have to ask Mom what some of her favorites were to read to me and my sisters and brother, and which ones had the most important messages. What are some of your favorite monologues? My #1 is FUCKING EASY: the passionate rant of what the world becomes by the villain to the player of Amnesia: The Machine For Pigs leading up to the final scene. I get absolutely covered in goosebumps every. Single. Time. I sometimes even shiver. It is BEAUTIFULLY written and just heartbreaking and haunting in how true it is. Do you actually think it’s gross to talk about body functions? Usually no, especially if they're very normal, pretty much everyday things. HOWEVER, I do believe sometimes it's just better to not share, like over food or if you're around queasy people, etc. Would you rather sleep alone or next to your SO? Next to him, though at the same time I worry severely that I'm going to have a nightmare with him there and lash out in my sleep... When you go out to breakfast, what do you order? If we're talking sit-down restaurants, I tend to favor pancakes or waffles with sausage (or sometimes bacon) and scrambled eggs. Have you ever worked at the same place as your best friend? No. Is there anything hanging on your bathroom walls? No. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever seen in person? So I wasn't sure which was bigger, elephant or orca, and a quick Google search isn't giving me a super clear answer, but it does say orcas are generally heavier, so I'd say an orca because I went to a Shamu show as a kid at SeaWorld... which I would never, EVER set a single toe into ever again. Would you give mouth to mouth to your dog to save its life? Absolutely. What’s the best burger EVER? Gotta be real man, Wendy's Baconator is fucking perfection. Did you ever show up late for an important event? I don't THINK so.

[peachcitt]

thinking about him (the gnc man i met at a tattoo shop in my dream who decided to take a taxi to south dakota to find himself after one night of knowing me)