#he also hardly ever does the fucking dishes

[hansrlow]

.

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

Basically, it’s discovered that to help stabilize Danielle, aka Ellie, it’d be best to have her be smaller. She refused to be turned into a kid by Frostbite/her own power ability, when Danny remembered the shrink ray his parents made. The side effect is that they’re kind of stuck as humans when they’re that small—they can use some ghost powers, but basically, it’s a weird side effect of the shrink ray. That’s canon, by the fucking way, lmao

Anyways, so Ellie agrees, and Danny will shrink himself with the ray to her size to help her out when needed/when she wants company her size, with Jazz, Sam, and Tucker occasionally helping out. Sam buys one of those really ornate Victorian dollhouses, with wooden everything, and Danny does some… renovations… so that it no longer opens and is a proper house. There’s still some oddities because it’s a dollhouse originally, but it was easier and faster to give her a home. One of the first additions was a water/wastewater system, followed like two hours later by an electrical system. Since it was so small, Danny was able to do it fairly quickly in his big size, occasionally going small and using the small window for using his powers to double check on things.

The water system had to be refilled every week, unless hooked up to a plumbing system in a house, which Danny made some outlets for in Jazz’s room—it was easier and had significantly less questions/didn’t stand out as much if placed in Jazz’s room. They usually did it every three days, though, as the plug-in process was still a bit… hinky. The tanks for holding the water were in the ‘basement’, which was mostly inaccessible from the inside of the dollhouse but basically looked like a big stand the dollhouse stayed on. Like someone ripped a full house out of the ground WITH the basement attached. There was a small access hallway down some stairs in the house for the clean water system, though.

The electric system was fairly simple, as it didn’t cost much energy to light a dollhouse and heat/cool water. There was an AC unit, Ellie’s request, but it hardly was used and was fairly efficient just due to pure size. It was fueled by ecto batteries, which Danny made sure had a few rechargability options—just because it was efficient energy didn’t mean it didn’t ever need recharging. There was a very small ecto filter, but due to its relative small size, was easy to clean and was fairly stable, so they had a whole closet of them just chilling out, both filled and empty. The battery itself could be charged by ecto sources, Danny’s own blood, or ambient ectoplasm gained by using something that looked like a solar panel and a satellite dish had a child that the batter could be placed in. The hookup also allowed for like… normal D cell batteries.

They would buy dollhouse furniture, and occasionally just buy the big version then shrink it down. Ellie had a huge old house to herself, basically, might as well go ham. And she had a fun time with the designer doll clothes Sam liked to get, although the cheap doll clothes from the store were also fun. Best option was just buying normal clothes and shrinking them, but using things that were already small or just making stuff using normal sized objects was fun.

At some point, though, the Fenton siblings decide to go on a trip. Ellie begs to be taken along, and Jazz agrees—there’s a doll showcase in Gotham, and Jazz wanted to see if anything caught Ellie’s interest. Danny, having a room in the dollhouse himself, also went along. Might as well make it a sibling’s trip, right?

Ellie can be full size for small chunks of time, which they did while exploring the expo. They found some cool things to add, and some doll clothes Ellie was far too interested in trying on, as well as some to force on Danny later. He sighed, but like—that’s his little cousin-sister, he’d put up with it. After all, he learned how to plumb an entire (miniature) house in two days when she refused to move in until it had a fully functional bathroom, so.

Anyways!

They have a fun time, and sure, lugging the relatively giant dollhouse was a PAIN, but it was Ellie’s home, and some stabilizing tech made it relatively safe to move without risking everything freaking breaking. They load everything in again, and the dollhouse is now restocked with clothes, tiny furniture, and a lot of shrunken supplies—some foods are just hard to work with full size, and are easier to shrink, okay? Also soap, paper goods, pencils and pens, books, etc. Jazz loads the thing into her car, and Danny offers to stay with Ellie in the dollhouse—so Jazz gets them in, and shrinks them down, holding onto the shrink ray in the meantime.

All is going relatively well in Gotham traffic until there’s a rogue attack.

Go figure.

Jazz ends up unconscious, and Danny and Ellie can’t do anything before the rogue is taken care of and a paramedic team comes up. They hide back in the dollhouse, listening as the medics say she seems to be okay, just unconscious. A relief, but now they’re taking Jazz away. Fenton luck states she’s one of the few actually injured. The Bat Brigade comes by, and Batman notices that there’s a wallet for one Danny Fenton. Red Robin confirms that Jazz was likely here with at least two other people, based on the ticket stubs for the expo. However, there is a strange lack of social media presence, Danny doesn’t have a photo ID, and there’s no way of knowing for SURE that it was just Danny with her, if it was just two other people, or if Danny was in the car with her. Still, as they can’t find him but DO have his sister and his wallet, they assume he might be missing, possibly kidnapped.

The Gotham PD of course take in the car, although it’s pretty trashed. Knowing well and good that the dollhouse and such things are actually quite expensive, Commissioner Gordon mentions that it wouldn’t be a bad idea for Batman to maybe hold onto the Fenton’s things that *aren’t* related to the investigation.

Batman just takes everything. Including a rather peculiar looking gun that seems to have sustained some damage during the attack and car crash.

Gordon sighs. Figures.

So, Danny and Ellie end up in Wayne Manor. Most of the things end up in the Batcave, but Alfred insists that they place the doll things upstairs in the manor proper—the cave isn’t *that* damp, but doll things are small and delicate. So, upstairs they go.

At first, it’s fine. Danny and Ellie are fine in the dollhouse, and it’ll be at least a week before any of the systems NEED to be worked with.

Then Ellie ends up with a massive migraine. She gets them, on occasion, a sort of growing pain. Usually, they just shrink some medicine for her as she needs it, because she’s like—twelve. While they did have some medicine that had been pre-shrunk, when they were stocking up in Gotham, it turns out pain medicine was more expensive there. Not by much, but they figured—they’ll just stock up in Amity Park, they’ll be there in two days.

Haha. Nope.

So, Danny finally has to venture out. He lucks into finding the first aid kit—why there was one in the main living room, he’s not sure—and is currently working on trying to get open the blister packet of an ibuprofen when Alfred finds him.

Alfred stares at this tiny boy with a tiny make-shift knife trying to get into… over the counter pain medication.

Danny stares at this butler guy who had very gently cleaned the outside and noted the strange fact that the dollhouse did not open.

Danny waves at Alfred.

Alfred waves a tiny finger back.

“Hello,” Alfred says softly, which is fantastic because loud noises could get painful—part of the reason for Ellie’s headache was an argument between Tim and Damian. “How do you do?”

Danny hesitates, before he makes an exaggerated so-so gesture.

“You understand me?”

Danny nods—it’s rare for people to understand what he’s saying when he’s 5 inches tall.

“How wonderful,” Alfred smiles. “And how can I help our young guest tonight?”

Danny gestures to the blister packet.

“Pain medication? Isn’t that a little bit large for you.”

The teen thinks for a second on how to communicate. He points to the pill, then makes a slight show of pretending to grind something, like a mortar and pestle.

Thankfully, Alfred got the idea. “Would it be easier if I ground it up for you?”

Danny takes a moment to think before accepting with an enthusiastic nod.

“Very well,” Alfred says, taking the blister packet in one hand. He then hold his other out, palm up, like a platform. “Would you like to come with me?”

Danny ‘his survival instincts died when he did’ Fenton gets into Alfred’s hand.

Alfred grinds up the pill into a fine powder. Danny hands him a tiny bottle—still large in Danny’s hands, as it was not a shrunk bottle—that he had tied around his waist. Alfred fills it, and hands it back.

“I assume you came from the tiny house we have in our living room?”

Danny again nods. Alfred takes him there, setting him down outside the front door. Danny bows, and sure it’s Japanese as hell, and he’s white as all get out, but it’s a generally understood gesture of thanks. He hopes.

Alfred understands it just fine. “I bid you goodnight, then. Perhaps we will talk more, when you are feeling better?”

Danny hesitates, again, but he nods. Alfred had been nice enough, so far.

Danny heads in, quickly measuring out the medicine—shrunk pressure plates and scales and weights made what it was measuring relative—to him the weights on the hand balance scale felt the same weight. Ellie got her medicine, and they both went back to sleep.

He told her in the morning what happened. Ellie was strangely gung-ho about meeting this butler guy, and so—when no one else was around—, she and Danny went onto the tiny balcony as Alfred came in to dust.

“Oh my,” he said. “There’s two of you, now. Should I expect more?”

Both of them did an exaggerated ‘no’ dance.

“Very well, I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself. I’m Alfred Pennyworth, the family butler. Welcome to Wayne Manor.”

[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: the hashira men as boyfriends

characters: tengen, sanemi, giyuu, rengoku, muichiro, obanai

AN: i don’t write for gyomei srry

TENGEN

- this isn’t just a little fling

-mans doesn’t wanna be ur bf

-he wants to be your HUSBAND

- and he’s gonna make that happen ASAP

- and when y’all get married you’re not just getting a husband

- ur getting 3 wives too

- it’s a package deal

- overprotective!!

- the way he made his wives promise to prioritize their lives over the mission

- my heart was bursting

- carries u around

- when tengen is around ur feet hardly ever touch the floor

- doesn’t matter how big or tall u are

- he’s bigger and taller

-he's big all over if ykyk

-nicknames include: sweetheart, princess, baby

- and don’t think he’s saying those to be cute

- he’s absolutely mocking you

-which brings me to…

- this man teases the HELL out of you

- but with love

- he loves you just as much as he loves his wives

- in his mind ur alrdy married

- and he is NOT letting you go

- or letting any harm come to you as long as he can help it

- 4 lifer fr

- id marry him

SANEMI

-i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again

-he’d tear it UP

-and i’d let him

- loves you so much

- doesn’t show it in public

- but in private?

- clingy as fUck

- he’s like ur shadow fr

- will follow u around all day

- hands on ur waist

- arm around ur shoulder

- holding ur hand

- he will not let go of u when ur alone

- in public he’s a lot less touchy

- but he will still stand near you

- jealous af

- every slayer knows by now to stay tf away from you or face the wrath of the wind pillar

- you belong to him

- makes sure they know it

- makes sure you know it

-hickey MASTER

-no i will not elaborate

- everybody knows sanemi is a little rough around the edges

- so there are days when it’s hard for him to open up to you

- but he does try

- he’s got a reputation to keep up!

-gotta act tough

-no weaknesses!!

- except for u

-he’s so soft for u he can’t help it

- nicknames: dumbass, idiot, & feather (my personal favorite)

-like i said he is almost always physically connected to u in some way when ur alone

-ignore him? he's throwing u over his shoulder

-he's strong he can manhandle u all over the place

-sheeeeeshhhhh manhandle me however u want sir

-claims ur super light no matter ur size

-hence the nickname "feather"

-i love him

GIYUU

-ik damn well this man had EVERONE in a chokehold from the first second he showed up

-speaking of chokeholds... ;)

-put me in one pls sir

-anyways

-awkward as fuck

-but he tries for u

-terrible with physical affection

-but we all know he's SOOO touch starved

-you'll have to initiate any type of physical touch

-and make sure he's not uncomfortable

-but really there's nothing he wants more than to touch you

-takes a very long time to say "i love you"

-but can u blame him??

-every good thing the poor man has ever had has been ripped away from him :(

-because of this he's veryyyy protective

-cause he'll be damned if the last person he has that accepts him and loves him for all he is

-is hurt or killed

-100% will die for u without a second thought

-not really a nickname type of guy

-remember he's awkward as hell

-most you'll get is a "-chan" attached to ur name

-and even that is only when y'all are alone

-but still

-even if he doesn't always show it

-you are always on his mind

-he's on a mission and walking through a market?

-he's buying you a hairpin or som

-walking through a forest and sees some flowers?

-"i wonder if she'll like these"

-AND HE'S PICKING U A BOUQUET

-ugh soft for bf giyuu

RENGOKU

-sunshine boy!!!

- epitome of golden retriever boyfriend

-all smiles all the time

-follows u around like lost puppy

-shows off for u

-yk when ur around kids and they're like "watch this" and then they jump and spin a circle lmao

-thats him

-"did you see what i just did?!"

-if u didnt...

-he's doing it again

-wants to impress you so bad

-also you will never have to lift a finger in his presence

-service bf!!

-you need the dishes washed and the floor swept?

-he's on it

-you need help styling ur hair?

-welcome to rengoku's hair salon

-will attempt to dress you in the morning

-and by dress you, i mean he's tugging ur shirt over ur head

-zipping up ur pants

-and tying ur shoes

-brags about you to anyone and everyone

-the other hashira can't have a single conversation with him without him bringing you up somehow

-compliments compliments compliments!!!

-he loves you and isn't afraid to show it

-nicknames from him: my love, my beautiful girl, sweetheart

-constantly confessing his love

-also lowkey speaks poetry for u

-some shit like

-"my light in the darkness, the one who gives me strength, you set my heart ablaze just by allowing me the privilege of seeing your smile"

-ugh he's the sweetest baby

MUICHIRO

-my airheaded angel baby

-i love him sm stop

-baby boy has a terrible memory

-that we alrdy knew

-but!

-he tries so hard for you

-keeps a little journal with notes and information about you

-so if he forgets he can remind himself over and over

-when he's on missions away from you he reads it so he can think about you to pass the time

-can not and will not remember anniversaries

-unless they're written in that journal

-will pick u flowers

-hope ur not allergic cause he's not gonna remember that

-but it's the thought that counts

-the fact that he's thinking about you at all counts

-you wanna go on a date?

-your dates consist of watching the clouds and taking naps together

-maybe a picnic if ur lucky

-no nicknames from him

-he calls you by your name

-its all he can remember

-he's the cutest

OBANAI

-like sanemi, he's a lot less affectionate in public

-however, he's not afraid to express his thoughts about you

-at least not to the other hashira

-might not be glued to your side

-but he's got eyes on u at all times

-and someone is talking about you?

-the second he hears ur name leave somebodies mouth

-he's tuned in

-and they better not say anything negative either

-mans turns murderous

-they will wake up to a snake in their bed

-will prob threaten them within an inch of their life

-don't have to worry abt other people while he's around

-cause he's got everything

-and i mean EVERYTHING taken care of

-protective but not pushy

-i feel like obanai trusts you and your ability to handle yourself

-but thats not gonna stop him from watching over you

-you're not drinking enough water?

-here comes obanai with a cup and u better drink it all

-haven't had lunch yet?

-he's sharing his with you. and will force feed u if need be.

-on a mission with him?

-he's not gonna push u behind him or anything

-but nothing is gonna get the chance to bring any harm to you either

-he's got ur back

-he's pretty vanilla with the nicknames

-nothing too crazy

-especially in public

-mostly uses ur first name

-might add a "-chan" in there every once in a while

-when ur alone he'll call you "sweetie"

-acts like a hard ass

-but he's soft for u

[lucysarah-c]

"Alright, spill the beans," Erwin said as he sat down on the couch, opening a beer can and crossing his legs. He could hardly contain his smile. Mike and Hange stared intensely at the shorter man. Levi had told them he had something to "share," and he hardly ever shared anything. Therefore, all attention and the floor were his.

The group of friends grew more and more curious as Levi seemed unsure, almost shy. His finger tapped his beer can uneasily as he pressed his lips together. "Fine, but don't fucking laugh."

"I can't promise you that," Hange quickly confirmed, making the other two chuckle but also agree. Levi just sighed resigned.

"Y/N… Y/N found a thong that wasn't hers among her clothes."

Erwin, who was sipping his drink, spat it out in shock at how quickly the situation escalated.

"WHAT?!" Hange tilted forward as they heard what happened while the rest looked in shock, mouths open. "You CHEATED on your 9-year-long girlfriend?!"

"No!" Levi almost shouted back. "That's what I'm trying to explain!"

It was Monday night. We had dinner after coming home, the usual routine. I was doing the dishes after she got out of the shower, and I heard her steps going down the stairs very heavily. That was the first thing that caught my attention, and before I knew it was her, still freshly showered, looking at me and pulling out a red thong, stretching it between her hands. "Whose are these?" My mind went automatically blank. I saw her resting her hand on her hip and frowning back at me. "I-uh." "Because they are not mine," she insisted, her anger palpable. I swear I was trying to speak, but I could only mumble broken shit as she stared back at me as if she was searching for my soul. "Levi Ackerman, WHOSE ARE THESE?" "I- I don't know, I don't fucking know. I swear," I quickly replied as I blinked, trying to find a solution. My mind started to question everything. 'I'm Levi Ackerman… I'm conscious of my actions… I haven't cheated on my girlfriend,' yet I was sweating as if I had. I had no idea whose those were. It was obvious that they weren't hers, apparently, but I've not slept with another woman in years, so I didn't even know where they could have come from. I doubted my entire existence, I began to wonder if I had been drugged and perhaps did something that I didn't recall. The tears, when she began sobbing softly. I felt like the worst human being. "How could you? After all these years…" "No, no, I fucking swear," I said, growing anxious. I don't even own social media accounts; I don't have a password on my phone. I hate cheaters; I would never do something like that to her, to anyone. For a split second, I thought it would have been easier to lie and explain that it was mine somehow. In that moment, my phone started to ring with one of the numbers I have on priorities as she began to walk up stairs. I rushed to pick it up. "Call you later." "Bro, everything okay?" Isabel's voice came from the speakers as she had called me on FaceTime, as she usually does. Apparently, I forgot to hang up as I was walking behind Y/N. "Y/N, I swear on my mother that I don't know whose are those." I was trying to explain myself when Isabel's voice came from the phone again. "There they are! I was wondering where I left them!"

"Apparently, it was from one time they all came over to my house for the pool. I must have put it in the laundry and thought they were Y/N's," Levi finished the tale as the rest looked at him surprised and entertained.

"Didn't you think they could be Isabel's?" Erwin questioned back between chuckles.

"No! How was I supposed to know a red thong was Isabel's!" Levi commented as his cheeks got slightly red.

"Levi… Isabel is 23 already…" Mike said slowly as he tried to make his friend process the idea.

"Tch," Levi took a good sip from his beer as he processed the idea. "You've no idea how fucking scared I was, and when Isabel said they were hers… fucking shit, I never breathed more peacefully in my entire life."

"That happens to you because you do laundry. Since I never do laundry, I don't have those issues," Hange said entertained, but Levi looked back at the brunette dead in the eyes.

Tag list!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @jimoonbeau @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @i-literally-cant-with-this @angelofthorr @aomio4 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hum4n-wr3ckag3 Wanna join my tag list? here!

[messycunt]

Need me more of that Hucow Malleus... and just Diasomnia in general, my favorite boys.

This was supposed to be short but woah boy, strap in because your dumb Hucow au (tone: affectionate) hooked me like a goddamn fish. I did not know I was horny for this. Some of it is requests, some personal headcannons/ideas/sacrificial offerings for your au.

Ummm, for the sake of recognizing me in the future, can I be assigned an anon emoji? IDK which one to pick, but if you're willing to select one based on my vibes, that's cool!

May I request how Mal and his handler's relationship kicked off? He isn't aggressive so I imagine his previous handlers felt intimidated or could just never find Malleus to perform handling duties! So Crowley just had to rotate through staff hoping to find a handler Mal is fond of. Or perhaps Mal chose his handler through a chance meeting...?

In the meantime, I imagine Lilia was a pseudo-handler for Mal but couldn't perform most of the duties due to their familial-platonic relationship. Handler duties seem really intimate.

(Speaking of that... Does the job come with a "you might get fucked by Hucows" disclaimer? Or is that JUST Crowley's farm? If humans and Hucows are equal, do the non-farm Hucows act mostly normal and the farm Hucows choose to lean into their more primal, horny side?)

Also not to be a simp but here's some more things my silly fangirl brain has thought up:

Imagine Malleus disappearing on his handler's days off because he's followed them home (with their permission, after pouting at them the whole day) and is enjoying a domestic weekend? Cooking home made meals for them, playfully doing a role-reversal where he is the "human's handler" which is mostly him insisting on doing chores, assisting with basic things like hair brushing, then being confused when he has to use technology to do things like "washing clothes" or "running the dish washer" or "turning on the radio." But altogether it's really wholesome because he wants to show his appreciation for his handler by doing for them what they do for him! Unfortunately, with how tall he is, a few holes do get poked into the cieling at your house.

Hucow Malleus who won't ever cross his handler's boundaries, but is very touch starved and needy, so he'll often make offers that involve physical touch and close proximity, then pout the rest of the day if you say no. Typically he just makes offers a little too soon. For example, after only a few weeks, offering to let his you stay in his personal quarters with him instead of the communal handler sleeping quarters. Lilia suggests he ask again after a few months. Malleus never stays sulking for long- how could he when his favorite handler is around? I imagine he has big regal looming eldrich entity energy but is very soft and gentle at the heart. He likes hearing about your life experiences, especially travel. Being a show cow means that Crowley tries to keep extremely close tabs on him when traveling for shows and Mal hardly gets to enjoy any of the local culture. He's pretty adamant on having you brought a long for business-related travel. That way, he's technically being supervised when he sneaks away with you to see the sights!

Hucow Lilia being so very fond of pranking his handler, whose care he barely needs. He'll playfully make care tasks difficult on purpose, but stops just before you can get frustrated or upset. If he accidentally crosses the line, sometimes he'll even finish the care task himself without help! Which shouldn't be physically possible in most cases, but he'll take his secrets to the grave.

Hucow Lilia who is a "retired" show bull (again, claiming he's "too old" for it) but can easily perform his old routines without breaking a sweat. If any of the young cows aspiring to be show bulls need, he's glad to train them! But his training is a little... unconventional and most young cows will pass on the offer. But it must be effective since he was- still is- Malleus's sole show mentor. I imagine Lilia mostly sticks around the farm because of his Diasomnia family and because he likes helping raise the calves. With supervision from Vil, who makes sure his parenting methods aren't too crazy and, more importantly, ensures he never cooks.

Imagine Silver being the easiest Hucow to handle for because hes just so chill and sleepy. If anything, the hardest part sometimes is waking him up long enough to get him to move to a different spot for Hucow care! He easily accepts his handler's assistance but also offers to help with tasks like carrying milk or fixing a fence. He is also very likely to fall asleep on their lap for hours and make their legs go numb. The best part about being his handler is definitely that he'll let you pet and stroke his pelt pretty much the second you become his handler. He's very duty-bound and, as such, trusts you implicitly to do yours.

Unlike Silver, Hucow Sebek is very unwilling to rely on his handler. Lilia has had to scold him many times on letting you do their job. Sebek tries to relent, but he will still complain, especially if it's a new care task or routine. To him it's a matter of pride and proving he doesn't have to depend on others. Especially since he's fond of you- he can't let himself look WEAK by relying on you, right? But if you twist your words just a bit- say that he's helping you by letting you do something or need him to remind you how it's done- he's suddenly eager to show you. He'll preen under your praise and, if you want to make him really happy, ask him to do little things for you, like reaching something on a tall shelf or asking for his advice on a personal matter... he'll absolutely glow with pride knowing you value him. Also, Hucow Sebek eventually gets to a point where he'll WEEP when you're gone the same way he does when Malleus is away for a show and he can't come with.

Now, after brainrotting a bit, I have two more requests and they are HORNY...

My first request is some size kink shit with Hucow Malleus and his handler. I'm LIVING for the idea of getting split in half by his literal prize cock with him cooing praise over his tiny little handler being able to take it. Big soft Dom vibes, even when he's being rough, just so much love in his giant dragon Hucow body.

My second request is Sebek getting blue balls and his handler insisting on "relieving" him because he's trying to power through it until it "dies down" or some dumb shit. But once he relents, he's DONE for. Nearly begging to breed his handler, pressing them up against a wall or some shit, kind of "dom but tsundere" vibes? 100% consensual and instigated by the handler tho.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!!!!

I'm happy my insanity is what turned you to the hybrid kink side n I love all of your ideas please do stick around

uhmmmm how does milk(🥛) anon sound?

cw: hybrids(hucows), breeding kink, begging, dacryphilia(jus overwhelmed tears I think its cute), not proofread so sorry if it's all nonsense characters: malleus, lilia, silver, sebek

malleus is far from violent and doesn't have a reputation as such, he doesn't even playfully nip or headbutt like kalim and ace sometimes do, but his strength and stature are probably what scared some of his handlers off in the past if they weren't frustrated by how much he loves to disappear the hour before shows that is.

I imagine you being some intern handling some other cow that malleus just gravitates towards for one reason or another. when track is lost of him he's found in your general area or waiting somewhere he'll know you'll be soon(yes he subconsciously memorized your schedule) but you didn't seem to mind. this is great from crowleys perspective though, it's an obvious and easy fix, by making you malleus' handler he doesn't have to worry about switching them out every month… or paying both fees for fairs that he never ended up attending.

♡

trying to find a way to say this that isn't crude but well when am I not; fucking the hucow you're in charge of handling isn't part of the job technically but isn't frowned at too much either, not on crowleys farm anyway tho i wouldn't put it past the old bird to have made separate agreements w handlers that do require them to tend to their bulls more intimate needs, with a -barelynoticeable- pay increase of course. other establishments do have regulations in place to prevent it, seeing it as unprofessional at worst. it works on "a you break it you buy it" type of policy so you wouldn't wanna be the guy who knocks up a prize heifer who's starting bid is 70k.

♡

lilia makes for a fun cow to handle if anything, uh granted you're not brand new to working on the farm that is, alot of his ways of teasing newbies is borderline hazing, outside of that he's like a fun grandpa. he is banned from the industrial kitchen tho the closest he's allowed to get to cooking is supervised potato peeling duty if jamil has anything to say about it. I also imagine lilia being cuddly once he gets comfortable enough with you! lots of hugs, cheek kisses and headpats(he likes giving and receiving them) happen between the two of you.

♡

silver takes his responsibilities very seriously and would do well w a handler who's equally task minded but not to the point theyll outright refuse his assistance, though a little downtime never hurt anybody… I mean you told crowley you'd probably have silver milked by noon so it's not like you promised or anything, plus he looks cute resting so peacefully.

♡

now if anyone needs a reminder to relax every once in a while it's sebek. but once you catch onto the fact that he's just a little bit, maybe kinda sorta trying to be a show off cus he has a itty-bitty tiny crush on you(even if lilia had to point it out for you) it makes the job so much easier. yells your name and trots up to you so excitedly during morning role call every. single. day. his body language is super easy to read even if he's trying his best to act aloof about how he feels, especially early on, the way his tail swishes around wildly when you pat his arms while giving him compliments always give him away.

hucow sebek is one prideful n stubborn animal, even in rut. you offered to help him the first few days of it and why wouldn't you? I mean it's not in your job description, probably but you don't mind helping the poor thing out. he refuses the first 2, 3 and then 4 times so you decide not to push him. something about how malleus wouldn't stoop down so low as to take a cheap shortcut offer(he would) such as the one you've presented him with, even tho he does really want to he didn't verbalize that last part ofc.

when he does finally fold he's desperate and sweaty and mumbling nonsense about how you were right and he's sorry and he doesn't deserve you and you are also both very much behind the practice showroom out in the open. you can feel tears and sweat drench the back of your shirt. sebeks large hands are gripping at your hips and tummy like his life depends on it. his thrusts are sloppy and inexperienced but they work to fuel the fire growing inside of you nonetheless.

he hasn't stopped talking the whole time either. he's loud like always but it's what he's saying that's surprising to you. begging you go let him cum in you over and over until neither of you have any strength left and promises to be the best father he could possibly be if you do end up taking his calf. it's just his rut talking, you think, it has to be. not that you'd mind

♡

by the time sebek gives you a break hours have already passed and he slips his dick out of you still some what hard. he insists on carrying you back to his quarters, with intentions of continuing there obviously.

whoever was practicing for next weeks show that afternoon sure did get an earful

i did get a few other asks about hucow malleus n his breeding kink if you're reading this and you sent one of them I didn't forget you ok kiss kiss, so ill keep this ask in mind when answering those <3

[kiestrokes]

i like had this thought in the back of my head of like what ateez would be like with an S/O who has a physical illness bcs i actually have one which causes a lot of pain to my bones and i'm like in a constant state of pain and discomfort, been going on for about 12 years HELL YA ✊🏻, if i don't keep up on my meds (currently don't have the proper meds so it only tides me over for a little while-) then im basically fucked so IDK i feel like there isn't a lot of stuff written about this kind of stuff (im a sucker for shit i hardly ever am able to read abt) ALSO IM NOT 100% SURE IF YOUR REQS WERE OPEN BCS I DIDNT SEE ANYTHING POSTED ABT IT SO- YA- if you don't want to write it obviously you don't have to !! no pressure at all lovely

ATEEZ Caring for You: Chronic Illness Edition | SFW

Pairing: ATEEZ x Gender Neutral!Reader/You/Yn Rating: SFW Genre: fluff, slice of life, headcanons, imagines, scenarios. Warnings: chronic illness + immunocompromised talk.

🗝️ Note: Hey atiny anon! You actually asked the right person; I have fibromyalgia combined with a few other annoying chronic illnesses. Because you can't just have one 😓 I hope that you can find a decent fucking doctor and get on the proper medication soon. That's the biggest part of the struggle, finding a physician that will listen and is competent enough. I hope this was enough, I tried to assign each member a caring task that I felt fit them! Has not been beta-ed.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below. 

Seonghwa 

He’s here to help you prevent all the chronic pain that he can. Booking you massage visits. Trips to the hot springs. All the arnica rubs. Silly little games the two of you play, to keep your mind off the pain and depression spirals. His favorite is seeing who can build their new Lego set the quickest. Hwa is the biggest advocate for you, he would never return a dish at the restaurant when its wrong. But he will fight for you at every appointment, every pharmacy, wherever you need him to. Because he knows you've grown tired of fighting all the time.

Hongjoong

HJ's specialty is flexibility. You have a sudden burst of energy? He’s down to go explore that new pop-up market with you. You’ve come down with a bout of bone numbing pain? That’s cool, you’re getting changed into comfy clothes and piled up on the couch. Swaddled in your heating pad with all the snacks. Where he falls asleep on your shoulder. HJ never gets frustrated with your rapid change in mood or plans. Nothing but the most understanding partner you could ever have asked for, and boy is he so cute and snuggly when dozing on you. Small hands seeking your face for drowsy kisses that soothe your aches just a smidge.

Yunho

The quiet presence, the one who knows what you need before you say it. Passing you tissues, making you a cup of tea and most importantly holding you so that you can cry. Shedding angry tears about how frustrated you are with your own body for betraying you. For feeling weak. For missing out on things. He's gently calming every frayed nerve in your brain. Reassuring you that you're exactly where you need to be in this moment, and he will bring all of the fun to you. And he does, in small, manageable doses.

Yeosang

His way of caring for you is through caring for your outside. All the skin masks, hair treatments, skin softening lotions because if you feel cruddy, at least he can make you feel cute and comfortable. They do heal though, in their own way. The extra moisture of the humidifier and every cream and essence he buffs into your skin helps keep some of the aches away. Subsiding the itchiness of the nerve pain, just a little. And you can’t get over how cute Yeosang looks in each animal themed headband or with his hair tied back into teeny space buns or how nice his hands feel every time they glide over your skin.

San

Where Yunho is quietly attentive, San is passionately attentive. You cry, he cries (while holding you). Quite literally your pain, is his pain and he’s here to be with you through each step. No judgment is ever passed when he has to pick up your extra chores around the house. Because to him, that is the smallest act of service he can perform for you. San is the one who wishes he could take on your pain, that he could fight it and destroy it and it pains him that he cannot. So he will simply have to do everything else.

Mingi

He thrives on making you laugh and smile through tough days, because he understands feeling burdensome. Mingi never wants you to feel that way, he wants to make sure you verbally know that your presence is needed and welcome. His favorite thing is cuddled up in bed with you wrapped in your heated blanket watching shows. You looking so small in his arms, giving him the feeling of protecting something. He reassures you constantly, because he himself seeks constant reassurance. Mingi never tires of this, he will reaffirm every single self deprecating thought with a compliment even on his worst days.

Wooyoung 

He cares for you with his skinship, which is incredibly healing. His happy heartbeat encourages yours. His strong hands make you feel loved and needed. Who would cuddle him if not you? Woo often reminds you, whispering the phrase into your ear as he traces his nails through your hair, or while rhythmically drawing circles on your spine. Making you float into dream land and anchoring you in the moment with him at the same time. Woo also loves making you whatever dish you’re craving, knowing you need energy to fight off fatigue and pain. And cooking is one of his many, many love languages.

Jongho

Needing to hoard all the extra rest you can get; you seek out solace at Jongho’s place for nap time. Jongho has taken notice, he’s also taken inventory as to which blankets of his you prefer, the pillows that keep you asleep the longest, what temperature you prefer the room to be based on what you’re wearing. All your favorite snacks before or after. New blackout curtains. He’s made his place your ultimate nap zone. New heated blankets. Duplicates of your fave lounge wear and socks. And he takes his payment in cuddles. Holding you tightly in his bed or sprawled on the couch. Sometimes he falls asleep himself and flips you onto your back to bury into your side like a full-sized teddy bear.

© COPYRIGHT 2023 by kiestrokes All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

[autisticlancemcclain]

Keith comes over for Lance’s fifteenth birthday. Hunk is still in Hawaii, but he Skypes, and the three of them talk for two hours. It’s nice.

After Hunk hangs up, Lance decides he wants to make his own birthday cake. Keith decides he wants to help. Neither of them have ever baked by themselves before, but they figure it can’t be too bad.

And it isn’t – they make their way to Wal-Mart, buying six boxes of Betty Crocker’s yellow cake mix, because they don’t know if the box is telling the truth and it really does make a whole cake, so they figure a few extra boxes won’t hurt. They also buy eleven cans of icing, along with a bunch of blue food dye and sprinkles.

The next thing they do is try to put everything together. (They do, at this point, realise they have way too much shit. They only end up using two boxes for the cake, and one to eat the batter. And Lance will take no criticism on that – cake batter is fucking delicious.) That goes pretty well, too – they measure the ingredients and mix ‘em together. Easy. They even remember to grease the pan.

The… troubles, so to speak, come when they pop the cake in the oven and set a timer. Lance hoists himself up to sit on the counter while Keith does the dishes, because Lance is the Birthday Boy™ and is thus exempt from chores.

“In what world does being alive on a certain day mean you don’t have to do dishes,” Keith grumbles. Lance sticks out his tongue.

“In this world, where I am currently Queen of the Day, and you are subservient to me. Scrub the dishes in silence, mullet.”

Lance watches as the challenge visibly sparks up Keith’s spine. He straightens immediately, hands stilling. The sounds of scrubbing cease. Keith turns slightly to him, eyes dark and narrowed.

Lance gulps. He’ll deny it until his dying breath, but something stirs in his gut.

“What was that?” Keith asks carefully.

Lance has never been one to back down, even when he’s knee-deep in a pile of trouble. Especially not to Keith’s bitch ass, as objectively attractive as it may be.

“I said chop chop, get to work.”

Keith moves so fast he’s practically a blur. Water splashes everywhere, but Lance hardly notices. He’s too busy shrieking at the top of his lungs and vaulting over the counter. He sprints up the stairs, on all fours like an animal.

“Someone’s never seen a horror movie,” Keith growls, voice closer than Lance thought he was, and Lance chants in his head that it is not hot, it’s not, it’s lame and stupid and horrible and Keith is the worst. He is.

Lance finally makes it up the stairs and tears down the hallway, swinging into Veronica and Rachel’s bathroom and slamming the door shut milliseconds before Keith can follow him in. He turns the lock, panting heavily as the adrenaline hammers through his veins. The doorknob jiggles for a few seconds, as Keith turns the handle, but then stops abruptly. Footsteps fade as Keith walks away. Lance narrows his eyes. Since when does Keith give up so easily? (Once, Lance lied and said that he’s never once posted an embarrassing picture online and he has been carefully curating his online image his whole life. Keith pulled an all-nighter tracking down his old Tumblr account from when he was 11, and he didn’t even have his name on that thing. To this day Lance has no fucking clue how Keith found it, and lives with the constant shame that Keith has seen a picture of him posing in his room at like 3 in the morning, in front of his old Naruto poster, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue with the caption ‘im SO random XO RAWR XP’. If he thinks about the situation too much he feels like crawling into the nearest ditch and letting nature take him, so he shoves it quickly out of his mind, because it is his Birthday and he refuses to feel shame on his birthday.)

Suddenly the footsteps return, rapidly this time, and the handle jiggles again. A mounting horror washes through Lance as he remembers, abruptly, that the locks in his house are weird and every single one of them can be opened from the outside with a coin. Lance barely has time to even squeak before the door slams open and Keith comes barrelling through, colliding with him and sending them both tumbling to the floor. By the time Lance orients himself again, Keith is straddling him, pinning his shoulders to the ground and smirking at him.

“Who’s queen now, huh?” he taunts.

Lance swallows.

He swallows again.

He desperately prays his cheeks aren't as red as they feel, but he doubts God loves him that much.

“What’s the matter?” Keith asks, leaning closer. “Cat got your tongue?”

Lance isn’t even sure his brain is still working, let alone his fucking tongue. All he can feel is the length of Keith’s body pressed against his, the tensing of his muscles as he pins him down, the borderline fucking smoulder in Keith’s expression, two inches from his face –

A shrill beeping noise makes them both jump. They look around, then look at each other. What the hell is –

“Is that the smoke detectors?” Keith asks, and then they look at each other in horror.

“The cake!” they yell at the same time, and quickly untangle from each other and sprint back downstairs to the kitchen. The stove is billowing grey smoke, and a lot of it. Lance grabs a dishtowel and starts waving it back and forth, hoping to dispel some of it.

“Open the windows!” he shouts, and Keith rushes to comply. While he does that, Lance holds the towel in front of his face, slipping on an oven mitt with his other hand, and carefully opens the oven door. More smoke blows in his face, and he coughs, eyes burning. He blinks to clear them, and sighs in relief when he doesn’t see any flames. He carefully grabs the glass baking dish.

“Can you open the back door?” he asks. “I’m gonna set this outside, see if that clears the smoke a bit.”

Keith nods, and Lance rushes over to set the pan down on the concrete stairs. Luckily, the glass doesn’t crack. They go back inside, closing the screen door behind them, and take a moment to stare in hopeless silence at the hazy kitchen in front of them.

“So much for that cake,” Keith says.

“Mamá is going to kill me,” Lance breathes. “I am going to die at fifteen.”

Keith grimaces. “Maybe we can scrape off the burnt parts?”

Lance thinks back to the block of char currently sitting in the backyard, and imagines him and Keith with a butterknife each, desperately scraping off the black in a vain attempt to find even a sliver of edible cake before Mamá gets back from work, and the image is so ridiculous he bursts out laughing. Keith was already cracking up a little at his own damn suggestion, and loses it when Lance doubles over. That’s how Mamá finds them, in a smoke-filled kitchen, leaning on each other, struggling to breathe from both their laughter and all the fucking smoke.

“Lance, must you make a mess every time you have a friend over,” she sighs, and Keith and Lance just laugh harder.

“You and Keith are cleaning this kitchen from top to bottom. No exceptions. I don’t care if it’s your birthday, or that Keith’s a guest. He’s here enough that that’s hardly true, anyway. Dios.”

She walks away muttering, and Lance doesn’t even correct her about his and Keith’s friendship status. He finds that he truly doesn’t want to.

To be fair, Keith is about to spend the next couple hours helping him scrub the kitchen after they basically set it on fire. That’s something friends do, he’s sure.

[cebwrites]

hcs for a masc s/o with long hair (law, sanji)

a/n: ceb self indulgent hours 💕

he/they law, fluff (one nsfw hc for law) word count: 0.5k

Law

Makes no difference to them, hair is hair; frankly how his partner presents doesn’t matter so long as it’s another man he’s with

They do think it’s pretty when he styles it in different ways, though

It’s Law, so he’d hardly ever express it with words, but the appreciation is there - it’s there when they meticulously read the labels and ingredients of shampoo brands at the store because his boyfriend’s old one isn’t yielding the same level of quality, when Law sits at the desk in his room and their partner is carefully blow drying his hair out after a nice, warm shower

It’s especially there when he asks Law to help tie his hair and Law fucks up but he’s warmed enough by the effort they put in that his partner keeps that fucky, lopsided ponytail in for the rest of the day (or at least it starts getting in his face again)

Most of all Law likes running their fingers through his hair, particularly if he’s asleep or otherwise preoccupied so Law’s tenderness isn’t directly perceived; it is perceived and highly appreciated

As much as they gripe and complain about waking up with hair in their mouth, waking up to his boyfriend at their side and diving into a whiff of hair for his scent to fill Law’s head is a ritual that he’s gotten very comfortable with and isn’t planning to give up any time soon

Just as Law enjoys the comfortable pressure of his man’s hand around their neck during more... “intimate” times, they’re equally as fond of tangling his finger’s in that same partner’s luxurious locks in the similar contexts to hear him make some noise all for them ♥️

Sanji

This man is down astronomical for either fem or mascs as the fruity, loveydovey bitch that he is so it really doesn’t matter

But there’s just something about a guy with long hair that gets to him; little does Sanji know (or doesn’t want to articulate) that it’s very Gender™ and that definitely does something for our dear ol’ swirly

He’d twirl and spin and compliment him, like Sanji would of any partner regardless of looks, but also take a lock of his boyfriend’s hair and kiss it before realizing, cause both of them to turn bright red and avoid eye contact for the rest of the morning

Sanji’s the king of self care (cosmetically, not emotionally), have you seen his morning routine? He’s 100% going to be on top of any haircare related issue and help as best he can with frizz, grease, or heat damage

He’s absolutely the kind of partner to casually dish with his boyfriend after a long day, just brushing his partner’s hair out in the guy’s cabin while the other boys are out on the deck, enjoying what little of privacy the two of them can manage for the time being

Blackleg bleeding-heart-romantic Sanji swoons whenever his boyfriend asks for help with new hairstyles, weaving gorgeous, intricate braids during his break while he can just leave something on the stove for a bit to simply bask in his partner’s beauty 

Once Sanji’s done and asks him to do a little spin-around, the resident Strawhat cook clatters into a pile of crates, obviously avoiding any foodstuff, and weeps over his partner’s dashing, masculine beauty until Nami damn near kicks him overboard

[eeryuck]

UHHH HI!! Any p1 x p2 headcanons 🥸?

hai . accompanying doodle + three songs that make me think of them

first and foremost i think they are sooo fking codependent its so sickening. i dont know why i feel so strongly about this but i think that 1 brings out the worst in 2, making him insanely fking. ragey. aggressive. reactive. couldnt tell you why thats just my truth. 1 is ALSO like this but he represses heavily and just takes what 2 dishes out until he breaks and they having a screaming match in their house that the whole fking neighborhood can hear (2 moved in with him… offer from 1 that he was heavily against until ermm…idk.whatever.) . then theyre. fine. reset on their fight meter.

when theyre NOT at each others throat or 2 is kicking 1 around like a sad wet dog i think theyre very.. couple you couldnt even tell was a couple evn if you were squinting. out in public at least. 2 is still quite shy even in the privacy of their own home but he loosens up a little.. 1 isnt too different but hes so desperate for 2's gentleness thats hes a little more forward. gentle touches on 2's arm or the back of his head as he moves around the house . the occassional kiss on his forehead when 2 is sitting around. simple touches. he can barely function but fuck a guy desires normalcy. and 2 does too i guess but he has a harder time expressing it. anyways 2 rarely ever reacts but hes boiling inside it embarrasses him a lot. their bedtime situation is basically the same.. they hardly ever cuddle especially admist fights (1 will attempt to sleep on the couch and despite how angry 2 is he always beats him to the punch so he doesnt have to). 2 is quiet about his affections. hes more of a gift giver so when he and 1 get on opposite work schedules he'll pick things up and leave them around where he feels 1 will most likely find them. little stuffed things or snacks. knick knacks. odds and ends. 1 tried to acknowledge it before but 2 gets very tsundere sorry so he just picks it up and moves along because he know 2 Knows that he appreciates it.

i do not have the brain to keep going. hope you still love me

[kpop-kitkat]

Below Deck | Kim Hongjoong

pairing | pirate captain!kim hongjoong x first mate f!reader

genre/cw | angst, fluff, explicit language, mild sexual content, pirate au, featuring ATEEZ, arguing, storm, fire, comedic relief, makeout session

wc | 1.4k

notes | none

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Y/n sighed contently as she breathed in the refreshing ocean breeze. She found herself to be much happier ever since she joined Hongjoong's crew and became a pirate. Her role as the right hand woman to Hongjoong wasn't exactly easy, since he was a little short tempered and hard to please, but she enjoyed it nonetheless; mostly because she knew the captain had a kind heart and a very handsome face. She had even grown a little crush on him if she was honest with herself.

 "Oi Y/n! Captain wants you to make lunch!" Wooyoung called from across the ship. Yeah. She was also the chef as well as second in command.

 "Aye aye Woo," she saluted sarcastically.

She carefully slid down the ratline from the crow's nest and made her way below deck to the kitchen. She found Yunho doing the dishes.

 "Ahh Yunho, thanks for helping," she smiled, rolling up her sleeves as she began to make some fried fish.

 "This isn't out of the goodness of my heart, just the fear of Hongjoong's scolding," he laughed, earning a punch in the arm from Y/n.

 "Shut up, you have a heart of gold and you just love me so much that you help with my chores," she teased. 

 "Or something," he added with a playful roll of his eyes before going back to focus on his work.

Once lunch was made, she brought it up to the quarter deck and shouted, "Lunch is ready!" Seven hungry pirates soon began devouring the food.

Noticing the captain had yet to eat, she grabbed a serving and made her way to his room. She knocked lightly on the door. "Captain, may I enter?"

 "Of course Y/n," he replied, smiling when she entered his room. "Fried fish?"

 "Yup. It's especially good today," she stated, setting the plate down on his table. She turned to leave when Hongjoong grabbed her wrist.

 "Actually, I was wanting to speak with you about something," he explained. Y/n nodded and took the seat across from him. 

 "What is it?" She prompted, noticing his hesitation.

 "Umm... how do I put this..." He held his head in his hands as he thought about it. "I'm going home to Seoul. I know the we and the crew have all become very close over the past four years, but I've begun to miss my job as a songwriter. It's all I've ever wanted, and I've decided this isn't the best lifestyle for me. That's where you come in. I need you to be the crew's new captain."

 She could hardly process his words. Her beloved captain of four years, whom she trusted and came to love, was leaving her high and dry? How could he? "How could you..." Her eyes watered.

 "Y/n-"

"How fucking could you! You're just going to leave us after all we've been through together? The crew needs you Hongjoong, not me."

 "They do need you Y/n. They really need you more than they need me," Hongjoong explained.

 "I can't believe you! Does our friendship mean nothing to you?!" Her heart was hurt just thinking about it.

 "Oh. So this is about us now?" He raised an eyebrow. "Yes, we're friends. But it isn't like I've known you my whole entire life. It's different."

 "So it didn't mean anything to you."

 "That's not what I said," he sighed.

 "Then why are you leaving?" She cried.

"I already told you! Are you deaf?!" He exclaimed, anger in his eyes. "I want to live my dream!"

 "You're so selfish! I hate you!" She yelled at his face, trying to be brave, but inside, she was broken. She quickly stood from her chair and made her way towards the door.

 "Y/n!" 

It was too late. The door had been slammed in his face. How could he have been so rude and inconsiderate towards her? How was he so blind to see that he was infatuated with her? How could he not admit to himself that he had secretly begged Y/n would just drop the whole pirate thing and be with him instead? This was the worst way to hide the fact that he was in love with her, he concluded. In fact, this whole thing was a terrible idea in the first place. Maybe he should just accept his feelings and stay with the crew instead.

Y/n avoided her captain the entire day, even when Wooyoung told her Hongjoong wanted to see her.

 "Why not?" Wooyoung crossed his arms. "You two get off on the wrong foot?"

 "More like, the wrong boat," she replied.

 "You mean...?"

 "He wants me to be the new captain so he can go sing in the beautiful fields of Korea," she laughed, hiding how disheartened she was.

 "That doesn't sound like Hongjoong. Was he-"

 "No, he was perfectly sober, I assure you," she interupted.

Suddenly, a particularly rough wave knocked her back into the crow's nest. "Agh! What the hell?!"

The sky had become dark with storm clouds. The winds, ferocious. The waves, stronger than ever. 

 "Everyone below deck!" Shouted Seonghwa, right before disaster happened. A bolt of lightning struck the mast, and it was soon up in flames. Everyone gasped in horror.

By now, everyone was below deck except for Y/n, who was frozen in fear, too scared to move. That was, until someone grabbed her arm.

"Y/n! Below deck now!" Hongjoong beckoned, giving her no choice and bringing her under. It was all a blur until it was just Y/n and Hongjoong, shut up in a little compartment, away from the others. She couldn't help but cling to her captain, fear overtaking her. He soothingly rubbed circles on her back and shushed her whimpers, promising it would be okay.

Once the storm had ceased, the other seven went up to inspect and repair the damage that had been done.

 "Y/n," Hongjoong began, his head laid atop hers. He sighed before continuing. "I'm sorry I yelled earlier. I wasn't angry with you. I was just... scared."

 "Scared?" She raised her head. "Scared of what?"

 "Scared of losing you. I thought I was making the best decision by returning to Seoul. And still, it truly is what I want to do. But, I also wanted to do it because... I caught feelings for you, and I felt you would never have the same feelings for me. So, I'd just leave you. But now I realize, I either have a life with you, or none at all. Whether that's living the pirate life together or leaving for Seoul. I can't live without you, I love you," he confessed. "And I know, this is all completely unfair to you. You should've never joined the crew and lived your best life in Iksan, but here we are. I've put you through so much, you deserve an apology for everything. I really am sorry Y/n."

She blinked twice, making sure what she heard was true. "I forgive you," she smiled. "But I'm happy I've joined this crew. And I'm also sorry for saying I hated you. That couldn't be further from the truth because, I love you too," she admitted, shyly looking down. "And I'd follow you to the end of my days, Captain," she saluted with a smile. 

Hongjoong admired her loyalty and chuckled. "Then will you still follow my orders?" He raised an eyebrow. 

 "Aye aye."

"Then let me kiss you," he smirked, leaning in.

 "Yes Captain," she blushed, letting him closer until their lips met. Their eyes closed and Hongjoong's hand grabbed the back of her head and pushed her closer, making her smile wider and wrap her arms around his neck. They shamelessly went on for about two mintues.

"I really fucking love you," Hongjoong growled. It almost when to the next level when-

 "Hongjoong?! Where are-" Jongho paused, gasping at the sight before him. A nearby Mingi and Yeosang saw it too.

"Cover the child's eyes for heaven's sake!" Yeosang shouted, then Mingi covered Jongho's eyes with his hands.

 "Some of us have innocence at stake, mind you Captain!" Mingi laughed.

 "Well I'm sorry for falling in love!"

[siberian-xanadu]

Hey guys, I wrote this flash fiction thing really quickly, and I want to know if it's any good to develop further into a short story. I got inspired yesterday while on the bus to school, and pondering the fact on how dangerous it can be to be trapped in a car with someone. TW for implied domestic abuse, implied drug/alcohol usage. Betrayal

“And another thing!”, she said, ire burning in her voice. She was as transfixed on the road ahead as the person driving next to her. She couldn’t bear to bring her gaze to meet his; there was a time now lost where she couldn’t bear to look away. “All I wanted you to do was put the dishes away in the way I showed you! How difficult is it to separate the cups and mugs?”

Truth be told, she was just searching for more reasons to justify her decision. She was scrutinizing every action or inaction her partner had ever taken in order to prove to herself that he had always been like this. That she had been too blind to see. That these little indiscretions that she would have otherwise let go were indicative towards some larger problem. However, there was no way she could have known. 

His grip on the steering wheel tightened. His foot involuntarily flexed on the gas, pushing them a little faster. It was true: they never agreed on how to put the dishes away. It was something that was laughed about until a few days ago. They also never agreed on the order of sweeping and vacuuming, or which season was the best, or if they preferred dogs or cats, and these, too, were swept aside as irrelevant. They still were. 

The car sped on in silence. It was the end of an overcast day; the time of day where afternoon and evening meet. The dark clouds overhead seemed to thicken in anticipation of the coming night. The forecast had predicted rain that evening, and true to word, the first droplets of rain began to splash the window. The wind began to pick up. Unconsciously, he flicked the windshield wipers on. 

“It’s hardly raining! Why are you wasting the fluid?”, came her sudden voice from the silence. 

The man allowed a deep sigh to escape. “I did one thing wrong, and now you’re gonna criticize everything I do? There’s plenty of fluid in the fucking car!” It was the first time his voice had raised above a grumble in days. It was the first time he had spoken since they had gotten in the car. It was a sudden outburst of anger that he had not known he was capable; that he usually wasn't capable of. That had changed.

“Oh, so now you’re gonna raise your voice with me?! You know what you did, and you know why I’m so upset! That’s why we’re in this situation!” Her eyes burned with tears, and her cheeks burned with anger. She used the rearview mirror to look into his eyes; the most she had done since she found out. 

“It’s not like I cheated on you,” he said, unnaturally evening the tone of his voice.

“This is worse than cheating,” she replied, with as much iciness as she could muster. She swallowed, and stared out the passenger window, attempting to compose the next few words. “If you had cheated, you would just be betraying me. By doing… by choosing to do what you did, you betrayed yourself too, and that is what I cannot forgive.”

She stared at him. He stared ahead. The streetlights flicked on, and rain continued to come down. The wind howled. They did not speak. The only voice to break the silence came from the GPS, directing them to get off at the next exit. 

He missed the exit. 

“What the fuck are you doing? You were supposed to get off!”, she yelled. This time, there was just a twinge of desperation in her voice.

“I changed my mind.” His words were cool, with a sense of undeserved finality. 

“Are you high or are you crazy?”

“Neither.”

“Bullshit!” 

“You can call ‘bullshit’ all you want, but I’m telling you the truth!”

She laughed as one does when they catch someone else in a lie. “And you expect me to believe that? Especially now?” 

“I don’t expect you to believe shit! I’m not fucking high though, and I’m not crazy either. You’re the one that’s acting crazy right now!”

“You’re not high right now, and even that I don’t believe! Let me out of this car!” She began to jiggle the side door as he kept driving down the parkway. It was after dusk now; rain poured across the windshield in streams. Thunder cracked in the distance. 

“I’m not letting you out; we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere!”

“And we wouldn’t be if you had gotten off at the exit earlier! I want out of this car, and I want out of this relationship!”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Their bodies lurched forward as the car came to a sudden stop. Their eyes met for the first time since she had found the bottles and spoons left at the bottom of an unused drawer. Unlike the first time they met, or the first time they made love, or on their wedding day, this was no loving gaze. It was a staredown between two strangers. The rain kept coming down around them, providing a percussive ostinato against the lonely wailing of the wind. Inside the car, it was dark; their faces only illuminated by the streetlights above. 

“Why did you stop?” “I’m turning this car around, and we’re going home.” “No!”, she protested, genuine fear overtaking her voice. This was not the man she married. She had no idea where she was, and she was stuck in a car in the cold, dark, pouring rain. Every muscle tensed; her breathing quickened. 

“You said you wanted out of this relationship. You said you wanted out of the car. I will be giving you both of those things when we get home,” his voice crescendoed with every word.

He turned the car back on. He made a U-turn. She pounded on the window, trying to get the door open to no avail. He ignored her. He ignored the exit as they passed again on the other side of the road. 

One way or another, she would be leaving the relationship that night. 

[unikron-kitten-kat]

Hey! I see you interacting with my friend Myles pretty often so I decided to check out ur tmblr and read the bio/intro/thingy and decided I'd ask cause I feel like u don't get enough asks. For you, what are your personal headcanons with your fave pasta characters? :0 {also I hope ur having a good day/night}

-toasty anon🌸

{Also please lemme know if I ever come off as rude, it is never my intention and if I come off that way I'd like it to be addressed so I can fix it/gen}

Whew boy! Personal headcanons on my fave Pastas? Well, ya might see only the Slenders here 😅 They are my favorites only because they dont have much of their own lore, lol. I do really like Myth's blog and I enjoy the interactions!

I am having a good day! Hope you are as well!

Ah, and don't worry, I have seen you often enough on Fettuccine's blog to know you are hardly rude.

Now Im just gonna dump Slender headcanons with a few other creeps sprinkled in

Slender is an enigma as not even I have him or the other brothers fleshed out completely

But to start, I will say that the Brothers in my au are Offenderman, Slenderman, and Splendorman. Trenderman is their cousin. Slenderman is actually the second eldest. He and Offenderman are twins and Offenderman is older by only a few seconds, lol. Splendor is.. At most 50-65 years younger than them.

Slenderman really likes birds. He has a really huge greenhouse that has been well overgrown, both inside and out, that houses a collection of birds he owns. The birds don't like to leave the greenhouse. It is very safe.

Offenderman is a dog and reptile person. He has a couple of the larger breeds, like a mastiff or the great dane or the cane corso. He has a huuuge collection of snakes, and a few of his oldest snakes include ones he raised from lil bebys, anacondas! He also has other reptiles, but you can tell by his collection that snakes are his favorites. He also thinks hognoses are the cutest fucking things ever, especially since the adults are still pretty much baby size in his hands when compared to a human.

Splendorman loves macaws. Especially the rainbow ones. He owns one that is unfortunately nearing the end of its life, but he has a younger one too. He also enjoys frogs! He has a small terrarium "library" with a few different frogs.

Trenderman is a cat person. Listen, he has an uncharacteristically cluttered house, so a dog wouldn't do well, and the cats he does have spend much of their time outide in his very expansive and lush garden anyway. He does have a place he can store his fabrics for his personal projects, but he is having to almost constantly go back and forth between his storage area and his projects so he kinda.. Gave up on that part.

All of them love to garden. The gardens adorning the Manor grounds are well kept by Slender, but his personal greenhouse is a mess,, but nobody knows about it because he hasn't told anybody about it. Offenderman actually grows his own food. So does Splendorman. Trenderman only grows his own spices and condiments becuase those are things he really doesn't understand having to 'waste' money on. They all grow flowers too. Offenderman always has and always will love roses. Slenderman loves to grow wisteria, hydrangea, and digitalis. Splendorman love tulips, any colour, so he has every colour. Trenderman has a garden at his shop that grows every flower he could possibly have.

Slenderman.. Where does he get his money? One source of his income is his side hustle, his 'assassin' buisiness, where his proxies come in handy. The other is actually through books. He is a writer, though he has a pen name completely different from his own, and the proxies only know of journals he occasionally writes in, and he is also a painter, an illustrator. Quite a few of the pasta children's books were made by him. He also has a few resturants, though he hardly visits them. He has been to pretty much every place in the world, and he doesn't have a favorite country's dish he makes,, though he absolutely adores Offenderman's sushi.

Offenderman actually is quite popular, if not for his pubs and bars and clubs he runs, all under the same company name. He sometimes hops behind the counter at each, though most of his time is spent at home with his animals. He is currently looking for someone. But,,, the problem is not even he knows who it is. He just one day got this feeling telling him to find somebody. I suppose he will know when he finds them. He is also a private investigator, and he has also helped out the authorities, even if they don't know an Eldritch-Alien-Demon helped them out. Offenderman also runs a small, but very popular Japanese resturant, with authentic food! Grown by him! He actually spent a good chunk of his life in Japan, where his love for sushi got him landed with someone who taught him how to make traditional foods, even sushi!

Splendorman runs a bakery, and his desserts and pastries are to DIE for!! He is an amazing baker, and it shows in the unwavering buisiness he gets! His cakes especially are popular, especially for weddings. He also has a fair share of japanese recipies up his sleeves. Though, he spent a bigger chunk of his life in Germany, and picked up a majority of German recipies, and these are made in a resturant side of his bakery!

Trenderman runs a boutique, and he has such a big name that if he is seen wearing a brand of clothes, that brand gets a sudden influx of buisiness. It is also a very big honour to have him personally design something for you, and it is an even bigger one to have an outfit inspired from you! Along with his boutique, he also creates his own makeups to sell. Now, when he first saw one performing, he knew he absolutely wanted to be a drag queen! That's right, Trenderman is a drag queen! He is absolutely famous, and is actually a huge role model for most people.

As you could probably tell, the brothers absolutely love to cook, and this comes from the fuzzy memories of their parents cooking. Though.. Their parents have been elsewhere since they were children and they have no idea where to look. Little do they know that their parents are fighting a war in The Underworld. So, to help keep what little memories they cling to of their parents alive, they cook. Now don't get me wrong, keeping the memory of their parents alive isn't the only reason they cook, they absolutely love to do so, if not for the absolutely delicious food their parents made, and they are all happy to share their fondness of food with people through their resturants, and their own cooking at their own places with friends or with Slender's 'adopted children' at the Manor.

Jeff and Toby cling to Slender. Not physically(toby sometimes) but most certainly mentally and emotionally. He is the dad they wish they had, even if he is an ass sometimes. Honestly, most if not all the creeps are emotionally stunted, and a lot of the time, Slender, his brothers, and Tim and Brian fill the roles of Dads or Cool Uncles they wished they had while their life was going to shit. Slender is especially fond of the 'younger' creeps, especially the ghosts. The ghosts, like Sally, are mentally stuck at the age they died, so they very much are still children despite being almost half a century old, but it is because they are kids that Slender is fond of them. They lost the memories of their past life, and therfore the memories of their deaths, so they still retain the childish innocents that helps breath a fresh air of life in the otherwise Emotionally Stunted Murderer Hideout. The children are honestly favored by everybody, to the point of everyone trying to avoid being within eyesight of the children after coming home from a mission, some even opting to pack a change of clothes to change into before they return home to avoid exposing the kids to gore.

But, when it comes to physical appearances, the kids don't mind how the creeps look. Sure, they might make funny child's banter about someone's appearance (Slendy looks like a tree!!), but they don't mind living with people who could otherwise be considered the monster under the bed to other, 'normal' children, as they have been living with the creeps for a long while, so they are used to odd looking people.

Tim and Brian together are the second longest reigning proxies of Slender, majority of the Demons, especially Laughing Jack, being the longest lived proxies. Laughing Jack and Slender actually go way back, with Laughing Jack seeing Slender in the background way before he got locked in his box and forgotten. It was actually Slender who found him again. He actually still retains some of his colour, and therfore cheerful nature he had because he wasn't stuck in his box nearly as long thanks to Slender. See, Slender was actually scouting Isaac, as Isaac had the recipe for becoming another mentally unstable human to mentally torture rescue, but Isaac soon lost Slender's interest, and Slender turned toward the memory of the felt clown he sometimes saw with the child. It was then that Slender realizes it was missing and went looking, first in Isaac's house as that was the most common place the clown was veiwed in.

Lo and behold, a Jack in the Box was found in the attic, collecting dust. Jack could feel the sudden change of environment, and the opening of his box. He didn't waste the chance of being free and possibly seeing Isaac again, but he was met with Slenderman. Here's the thing,, Slender used to be cruel and an asshole at nature, and it was during this time that he found Lj. He spun the story to Jack, telling Jack he saw the child laughing about Jack's predicament at being stuck in his box, soon coming to the event of Slender finding his box in the attic, gathering dust and bringing it home. At first Jack didn't believe it, trying to argue that Isaac wasn't like that. But when enough time passed, Slender brought Jack with him to view the disgusting things Isaac was doing. It was with that that Jack finally believed that what Slender told him was the truth... For a time.

After a time, when Slender gained more.. Emotionally troubled teens who actively showed that he had basically saved them from their hellish lives, when he got more empathetic, and was actually sympathetic at what he saw happening to children (despit them being humans, of which he dislikes to a large level),, when he started to not like being such an ass, he started to feel bad about lying to Jack. And it showed. He soon called Jack to his office.. To tell Jack the truth. Jack knew something was wrong with Slender's story, even if he believed the story for a short time, but he figured Slender spun the story to protect him. And Slender kind of did, even if he lied to make Jack stay.

It is for this reason that Lj and Slender are the closest of friends, knowing things about eachother they wouldn't share with anybody else.

Tim and Brian also noticed the change in Slender. The change from the cruel asshole who pushed them too far past their limits in each waking moment, to the empathetic, sympathetic Dad/boss that he is now. And they like the change honestly. How they became Masky and Hoodie was under Slender's influence, mainly through their masks. But, the influential masks soon became an alternate personality. Masky and Hoodie are to Tim and Brian as Sully is to Liu, kinda. While Sully came about through Liu's trauma as a shield, and later empowered by Zalgo, Masky and Hoodie came about through Tim and Brian being in the vicinity of an Eldritch-Alien-Demon man who, at the time, loved to make people's lives miserable.

Some of the Proxies are straight, others are not. Its meh. Most of them just don't give a crap about that stuff, so would care less if your trans or non-binary, gay or bi. They will support you, and help you fend of any mean people, but for the most part, you do you. Slender would love to have an s/o who is longer lived like him, but he wouldn't mind a human partner, even if they have such a short life span compared to him.. Even if he gets crushed when they finally pass....

Offender... As long as they aren't an ass for no reason, its a yes. Though he is more male oriented. One of my things about Offenderman is he is actually scared of actually impregnating anybody, especially a human, even if he knows the chances of conceiving with a human are slim to none, he is still worried of.. Well, trapping a human with a not-so-human baby. He knows, first hand, what happens to people who don't fit the 'norms'. He has a human form, but he has virtiligo in this form because he personally thought people with it are so fucking pretty, which he was actually picked on for having. He knows what its like to be singled out, and therfore dislikes people who are an ass just to be an ass. And if people treat different looking people like that... He doesn't want to imagine what life would be like for a Slender Halfling.. The possibilities scare him.. Offender would also like to share cooking with someone, even if it is just a friend, or to just enjoy food with.

Splendor, like Offender, will get with aaaanybody, so long as you aren't a bully just to be a bully. He hates bullies who bully just for the fun of it. Isn't nice. He would like an s/o who would love to bake with him though! It is something he can live without. As long as he has someone to enjoy a mocha and cookies with, he is fine.

Trenderman wants a man. Sorry ladies, but this man is gay all the way. By all the way, I mean he will get with any male identifying person. End of. Ooohhh, imagine all the outfits he could make with, or without, you. If you watch, he will include you by asking how you think it looks as he makes it. Forget doing your own shopping, as you will likely end up with a new outift at least every week with how productive Trender is. He does absolutely take breaks. He knows when his body is being overworked and takes as long a break as needed. In his free time, when he isn't shitting out the most amazing clothes you have ever seen, he will take you with him to fancy resturants, sometimes opting for his cousin's resturants(their cooking is top notch, what can I say?), or secluded areas where he would paint with you leaning on him, or laying beside him, or what have you. He has a boat he likes to take onto lakes and such to watch the sunset away from people.

Slender is an Introvert. You can't tell me otherwise.

Offenderman is an ambivert, thought leans more toward an introvert.

Splendorman is an extrovert, but he does need his recharge time.

Trenderman is an ambivert too.

And most the Creeps are introverts. Most, not all. I don't have enough fleshed out to know who is an ambivert or extrovert.

[lewmagoo]

hmmm work has been stressful lately so just the thought of best friend Rhett noticing and deciding he’s going to treat you on a Friday night. he has a key to your place and lets himself in before you get home. you walk into the most delicious combination of smells filling the house. your favorite dinner, the faint scent of your laundry detergent and Rhett’s woodsy cologne. he’s standing at the stove and doesn’t notice you right away, but when he does he’s fluttering around you, pulling your work shoes off, pressing a drink into your hand and forcing you down the hall to change into comfy clothes. dinner is simple but amazing, you chat while he does the dishes and then he runs you a bath. you pull him in to join you, he tries to protest - there’s always been an almost something between the two of you and as much as he wants it, he feels like it’s not the right time. but you manage to convince him and he joins you. you enjoy the bath and the accompanying sex that follows. that night is soft and slow, learning each other’s bodies and what the other one likes. it’s wonderful, it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced. you think it’s what people have been talking about when they say they make love. because that’s what it is. love. you fall asleep in each other’s arms, more relaxed and happier than you’ve been in ages. the next morning is just as good. you’re woken up by noise downstairs, you slip on your robe and find him attempting to use the coffee maker - it’s not a fancy one by any means, he’s just always struggling with yours. you’re admiring him from the doorway when you catch a glimpse of the marks on his neck and chest. you know there’s matching ones on his hips, sucking the twin bruises on his pelvis had been a highlight of the night, and just the knowledge that they’re sitting there below his boxers gets you going. you literally jump on him and he’s confused for half a second, scrambling to make sure he doesn’t drop you, before he gets with the program. the morning is opposite of the night before. hot and heavy and just the right amount of rough. you should be worried about your dining room table, but you’ve honestly never liked it all that much so who cares. you start hysterically giggling as the two of you are laying on the tile floor next to your table. “what could possibly be so funny right now, darlin’? you’ve got my cum leaking out of you.” you shake your head, unable to stop. “or did I fuck you dumb baby? huh? you a little stupid because of my cock?” you turn over onto his chest. “I’m happy. and sometimes I get a little giggly after I cum. ya know, if the guy has done his job properly.” he’s smiling up at you. softer than you’ve ever seen him. “well? did I do a good job?” you can’t help it, you press your lips to his, both of you smiling so big it can’t hardly be considered a kiss. “oh yeah, 10/10 would do again. I think you might be up for a promotion actually. how would you like your title changed to boyfriend?”

<3 @callsignspark

i literally have nothing to add to this. it’s perfect the way it is and i also can’t believe you’d come for my dumbification kink like that while simultaneously making me feel soft as hell 😭

[wwhatev3r]

Aaahh, I'm so glad your requests are open :) Can I request anything with Guarnere? He's my favorite and I hardly ever find anything with him haha

Relationship Headcanons | Bill Guarnere

I hope I didn’t take too long writing this :) | But anyway, since you said you like reading the headcanons about being in a relationship with the boys, and I haven’t made one for Bill yet, I took this opportunity. Thank you so much for the request, It just gives me so much motivation to write for this fandom. I really hope you like it and It’s accurate. | Gif Credit: @rebeccapearson |

SFW

Troublemaker Alert.

Just kidding, he is just very risk taking, principally with you. 

If he had to cross a burning field to see you he would.

I feel like the first time he saw you he would automatically flirt with you.

And you definitely fell for ol' Gonorrhea's charm, let me tell ya. 

But you kinda started as really close friends, always making jokes about each other.

His main mission is to impress you; but he is so bad with jokes and pick up lines.

He fell in love with your confidence, strength and resilience and the fact that you can keep up with him.

The fact that you fall seven times and stand up eight. 

Expect some sneaking around when you both start dating.

You being or not in the Company, Bill would have to hide you until the dorms inspection was over during Camp Toccoa.

If you were both in Easy, let me tell ya, this man would admire you so fucking much; (Even if you're not.)

He has a core memory of you throwing a grenade and hiding behind a wall but your hair is blowing so beautifully.

His dates are quite simple, he is not the most romantic person but he is giving his best and learning with you.

When you go out he drinks a lot, but don't worry this man holds alcohol like it's water.

You never saw him drunk.

Btw, he loves to dance and talk to everyone, principally telling histories to people.

Also, you guys love to go to the movies, principally the ones that role the latest at night.

We all know Bill is competitive so expect this:

"Honey, let's go home. I wanna go to bed." you said.

"Alright hon, let's go then."

You would get up first and then hear him whisper loud enough:

"I knew you couldn't stay awake." 

"Get your ass back in your seat Gonorrhea."

May all gods protect the ones who dare to mess with you.

Bill is charming, loyal, kind hearted and humble but if anyone hurts you, that person is dead.

He is very understandable too, and he knows when something is wrong.

Bill will welcome you with open arms if he sees you with your head down.

"You look like you could use a hug, sweetheart."

If you need time alone he will say: "I'll wait."

He compliments you so fucking much.

And if you wanna thank him he would recommend a kiss. 

He started working from a very young age, so a domestic Bill involves him giving you a hand for everything.

Carry groceries, fix something for you and even wash the dishes.

He has a big and humble family so you would for sure be welcomed like you are automatically part of the family.

Bill is the sweetest, but something that he hates about himself is when jealousy takes him, he becomes really protective and It's something that he wants to work on.

About his leg, listen, he is not that sensitive about it as Toye, he accepted it very well and dealt with his life pretty well.

If you guys get in a fight it would quickly be resolved. 

Yes, Bill is competitive, but between your happiness and winning a discussion, there's no doubt that the only victory for him is to make you happy. 

NSFW

He is so confident and enthusiastic.

Honey, he knows what he is doing; (He does have experience.)

Bill is there to show you that he is your man.

He worships your thighs.

He does like to bite them when is going down on you. 

Bill curses between his moans for sure.

Sex with him is so physical, steamy and intense. 

He has a high sex drive so anything about you get’s him going.

From the smell of your perfume to the way you look at him.

He can take so many rounds, goodness. 

And he gives it all every time, It’s until you are dripping sweat.

He likes to take his time, so Bill thanks you if you let him go as many rounds as he can.

I swear, if it was for him you would never leave the bed.

Or whatever place, as i said, he is very risk taking, he’s down for any place. 

Bill likes to explore and try new things. 

There’s no getting bored with this man, and this is both NSFW and SFW.

His favorite position is missionary with your legs on his shoulders.

After the accident he didn't lose his abilities, of course there's certain things he can't do but he learns how to get to his main objective in different ways.

His thrusts are so deep, rough and intimate, I don’t even know how to describe it.

In terms of oral, Bill is 50/50; can be very greedy or very giving. 

When you get into a fight, after all the apologies, kisses and cuddles process, Bill likes to give you a special apology with makeup sex.

After he finishes you more than enough times, both of you will take a shower and he will wait in bed for you.

He stays there with a proud smile.

“Don’t be cocky.” you say. 

“I didn't say anything.”

“You don’t need to, your smile says everything.”

“Just come here and let me kiss ya.” 

He will wash you with kisses and hold you close to his chest until both fall asleep.

[bright-eyed]

yesterday my mom called me into her room and asked me if I wanted to cook and clean the kitchen or go to the store and I was like “why don’t we ask dad to clean” and she said “he doesn’t do it right” and I was like “that’s not a good reason for him to never do work at all” and she threw up her hands and said “I’ll just do it all myself” and I was like “are you really so against asking dad to help that you would do three times as much work” and she said “yes” and I was like fuck that whatever so I just asked him myself if he would clean with me and he said “I’ll just clean it by myself.” So she went to the store he cleaned and I cooked dinner and everyone was happy!!

And like…. my dad is not a feminist he’s a vaguely conservative white guy from texas so he didn’t do it because of a secret political consciousness. I think that just like any lazy housemate he glides by without doing housework because his housemates are hesitant to ask him to do it, or they don’t feel they have the right to ask. And because he’s a man he doesn’t think to do it without being asked, so his lack of acceptance of his responsibility for his share of the housework means his housemates (wife and daughter) pick up his slack, and he doesn’t see it, and hardly ever does anyone tell him where to look or that he should be lookinh at all, except me because I’m a fucking seething tempest and I’d literally boil over if I let him get away with it without even attempting to make him feel bad about it

Anyway the whole situation just bothered me because yeah sometimes he does put up a fight, I can maybe understand given my mother’s upbringing why she expects a fight, but if even half the time he responds like that then to me it’s worth a quick fight for the long term benefit of having a husband who isn’t also your child. Like I wonder how much work my mom has given herself (and to me and my sister, from the time we were tall enough to reach the sink or strong enough to push a vacuum) just because she was too afraid to ask her husband for help, because deep down she knows that there’s a power imbalance between them that neither of them can recognize let alone reckon with, and she fears or has learned over decades that every request she makes has a small chance of costing her something that matters more to her than whether she does the dishes or he does — her security, her peace, her sense of self, avoiding a fight, accepting these established unwritten rules to avoid the responsibility and strife of writing and enforcing new rules, etc.

I’m not saying “women are overburdened by housework because they don’t ask” because frankly they shouldn’t have to ask — and having to think about what needs to be done all the time is half the burden of housework, and the part that is most often completely unshared, which takes a greater psychological toll — but I think the only way anything ever changes is if we change them, and that means raising issues we’ve let lie so long they’ve grown roots, and facing the consequences of uprooting them. The alternative is what? Like. We’re just gonna live like this forever until we can’t stand to look at each other? Ok.

I think we often avoid the immediate conflict of addressing the issue and forcing change, and we think we’re saving ourselves trouble and pain in doing so, but really what happens is the older, deeper tension grows the longer the issue goes unaddressed and the changes aren’t made, and becomes exponentially harder to absolve. We consistently underestimate the effect that the deeper tension can have on our happiness and on our relationships, so when we choose short-term relief over long-term justice, we don’t understand that injustice wears us down in its more insidious way, and then we don’t understand the stress or anger we feel. One day we might wake up feeling more resentment than love, and not understand why.

We burrow in fear and cowardice — which isn’t an easy place to live in either, even if you could convince yourself the injustice is just and the tension is natural. We think we’re safe because we’re not looking at the problem directly. But we don’t actually avoid the struggle, we just fight it badly, ineffectually, and futilely. Weaponless and with our eyes closed. And then we still fucking suffer. Like …. Consistently get slaughtered. You can’t opt out so you might as well do something. Fight, save yourself, whatever. Just don’t wither away with your head in the sand cuz it’s not helping and it’s not gonna help. Ask for things to change. Bring it up even if it feels like starting a fight over nothing because it’s not as nothing as it seems. Don’t teach your kids that the world is unfair and there’s nothing you can do about it for them because they see right through that and they know it’s not that you can’t it’s that you don’t want to. Anyway

[animephantom]

Delicious in Dungeon, Episode 4: Stewed Cabbage/Orcs

I'm gonna put this in bold here. SPOILER WARNING. IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS WEEK'S EPISODE, DO NOT READ.

Delicious in Dungeon is a lovely show. It's got some excellent pacing, and I really appreciate how the main characters all approach the problems the writers present to them. I'd call this a cozy show. The main cast is fun as hell, with Senshi and Laios being my personal favorites. I mean, how do you go wrong with a dwarven gourmand and a warrior obsessed with monsters?

I'd like to add that normally I'm a fucking snob about subs/dubs, but the English dub is lovely! The voice cast does an excellent job conveying their characters' thoughts and feelings moment to moment, and it's clear they felt some fondness for the party due to the warmth you can almost feel in their voices.

We start this episode on the third floor of the dungeon, the Golden Castle, and right away Laios is showing off his extensive monster knowledge, displaying the ability to determine what different kinds of undead are simply from their footfalls. It's here we find out that Senshi keeps camps all over the dungeon, and the third floor is no exception. The group asks if he lives here, and he replies that he hardly ever sleeps here. There's hardly anything to hunt worth eating, so he mostly stays on higher floors in the dungeon.

While there's nothing worth eating here, there's still value to be found! Our dwarven friend had an incredibly clever idea: Golems are 90% magically animated dirt, so why not use that soil to grow plants in areas where you couldn't normally? As Chilchuck, the rogue of the party so neatly puts it, "a walking veggie patch"!

And it's this kind of thing about this show that I love. Most of the dishes are just 'insert given meal here, replace meat with fantasy variant, add fantasy vegetable', and while that might seem lazy to some, I personally love it. How else are you going to contextualize fantasy creatures than with meals you already know? But it's how it does it that always makes me smile.

Like in the previous episode with the Living Armor, where instead of being inhabited by spirits, the ones the party finds are inhabited by a strange sort of mollusk! So rather than come up with an entirely new way to prepare this fantasy meal, why not treat the creature like you would any other mollusk?

Anyway, back to the dirt: I think it's a fantastically clever idea, even if it is an affront to farming and magical studies. Also, how fucking cool is it that he tends the golems by disabling their magical cores? He doesn't kill them to just leave the dirt, because obviously their magic would fade! (I also think it's great that his excuse for tampering with magical creatures is basically "But I'm not tampering!)

This episode's first recipe is a fresh garden salad and stewed cabbage, fresh from the Golem fields! In today's recipe...

Got you!

Joking aside, I really like how the meals the party prepares are related to what kind of adventure they're having. Obviously they're cooking what monsters they kill, but what I mean more specifically is the kinds of meals themselves. This fresh salad and stew is a perfect meal to refresh yourself after a hard day's labor. I imagine the vegetables to be so light and crisp, and the cabbage stewed with potatoes, onion, carrot and bacon sounds light and filling.

After a lovely meal, the party cleans up the mess from the meal and Marcille pontificates on who maintains the bathrooms this far down into the dungeon. The narrator advises that in areas with high foot traffic, adventurers sometimes designate bathrooms to keep things relatively clean.

We already know who maintains them, obviously. It's Senshi's base camp, why wouldn't he keep the nearest bathroom taken care of? And where else would he get the fertilizer for the golems?!

And it's now that a big question occurs to Laios. "Why not live on the surface? Life's easier up there and you can still be self-sufficient." to wit Senshi replies "But if I lived up there, who would maintain the bathrooms down here? Who would get rid of any zombies who get stuck? Who'd fix the golems if they fell apart?"

This gives us more clarity on who Senshi is. He loves the dungeon. He lives to take care of it. But with that clarity come more questions. Why is Senshi here? Does he actually choose to be here, or is he a steward chosen by the Dungeon? Am I engaging in wild speculation? You bet your ass I am!

Senshi goes on to tell us about how he used to maintain an honor system vegetable stand, but he had to stop because someone kept stealing the money. Marcille and Chilchuk exchange a nervous glance and they say under their breaths "So that's why that chest was always filled with money." I have nothing to add to this, it's peak comedy to me.

Oh fuck! Orcs! A tavern tussle is turned into a hostile takeover when these guys show up, impaling some poor bastard for the mere crime of being in the way (That's okay, he can be resurrected for a fairly cheap fee). Your typical anime brawl slideshow happens, but shock of shocks! They know Senshi! And they trade for veg! It turns out they've been displaced by the Red Dragon causing problems! But shit remains violent as the desperation of their situation leaves them unable to let the party walk.

Hark, our party has been kidnapped! And then Marcille experiences a racism. "It's an elf! Look at her face! How barbaric!"

Sure, it's a little funny that the stereotypically pretty elf is experiencing racism and disgust from the stereotypically pig-like orcs present in almost any fantasy anime. I wonder if there wasn't a better way to do this gag though? I dunno.

Then there's more fantasy bullshit. Orcs got chased to the underground by the humans and the elves, and the orcs wouldn't stop raiding the land around them, and the elves poured oil into their caves, but all orcs ever did was rob and kill and terrorize everyone.

But now it's time for BREAD! BREAD! BREAD! BREAD! BREAD! *womph* WE'RE KNEADING BREAD DOUGH! ONCE YOU GET IT STRETCHING EASY, IT'S TIME FOR PROOFING!

Aggression still barely concealed, we experience more 'typical human' bullshit, where humans are all the same, and they're just looking to become king of the UG, and honestly, this plot's already tired. It's nothing new, and I'd really prefer to get back to the nice, relaxing dungeon crawl to rescue Laios's sister please.

AND THE INNOCENCE OF A CHILD SAVES THE DAY! Orc Papa wanted to keep the bread, and his kid says "But daddy, we made it together, why can't we eat it together?" Breaking the father's will to resist.

The episode's second recipe is Freshly Stolen Vegetables with Chicken in Stewed Cabbage, Best with Stolen Bread.

Do... Do I need to say anything about how this meal relates to the matter at hand? No? Cool. As with all anime food, it looks delicious as FUCK and I'd love some. And now Marceille is slightly less racist due to spicy food!

Laios clears up the misunderstanding by revealing his grand quest, and thank the writers so damn much for this. I was so worried that the plot was going to become a grand quest to become the king of the underground. With this in mind, I'll give the mention a pass. I know it's going to come up again later, but I feel like it's going to be a byproduct of trying to save the sister.

Sent off with well wishes and some leftovers, we continue our trek into the dungeon, to be continued next week, February first!

Overall, I enjoyed the episode. While the fantasy racism is tired as fuck, I still enjoy how food brought everyone together. It's silly, and I wouldn't have missed this part of the episode at all, but the rest of it is still pretty good. 7/10 or whatever, I'd watch it again.