#he refuses to use a blender

[frownyalfred]

Alfred, in full butler garb complete with white gloves, vigorously shaking a metal cocktail shaker: and would you like your blend of HGH, BCAA’s, and creatine up today, or on the rocks, sir?

[okitanoniisan]

it's taken all day but i have given kiryu one (1) scar LMAO

[359midnightburgers]

MY SHITTY FUCKING ROOMMATES ARE FINALLY MOVING OUT SOON AND I CANNOT BE FUCKING HAPPIER. IT'S GOING TO BE SO GOOD. THEY ARE FUCKING OFF (I ASSUME BACK TO HELL WHERE THEY CAME FROM BUT I'M EVEN FINE WITH IT IF THEY JUST FUCK OFF TO A DIFFERENT APPARTMENT I DONT CARE) AAAAHHHHHHHHH I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG I AM SO FUCKING RELIEVED.

[palskippah]

Hi! I give you this Stobotnik fankid I made a while ago :'y

She's Sofia --or Ivania or some other name ending in 'ia'-- Robotnik (coolest last name)

It's a compilation and also there's some Stone for practice bc I have no idea how to draw him pipipi Eggman is easier bc it's just his Sonic Boom design (I love it)

Some stuff about this universe under the cut!

(Btw if there's incongruencies is bc I can't make up my mind about the facts whwhw)

-Robotnik and Stone are married, very much married. Cartoon villains in love, I love that for them.

-["MARTHA I'M COMING HOME SWEETIE-"] Mixing up the movie things and the whatever's going on in the Sonic Boom, so Robotnik was gone for eight months and when he's back she's already born.

>Also the drawing is a reference to Icarly's "Whatcha got there?" "A smoothie" but she was clearly asking about the ostrich Spencer brought with him.

>Alternatively, Eggman's there and they go through the journey together yippiee. Choosing names, making evil parenting plans and whatever, being their idiot selves.

(After celebrating because they're good news actually) "I want a boy or a girl-" (Eggman) "Yeah me too." (Stone) "-and we should name them a single, worth of remembering name! Like... Eggette for a girl and Eggson for a boy." "I'm not letting you name them any of that, doctor..." "Okay, then how about Beyonce for a girl and-"

>They wouldn't have kids (?? maybe? I don't really know, I only know sonic boom and the movie :'U)- but she was probably the 1% the birth control warns you about. Also, Stobotnik got a very active seggsual life, and I'm imagining she came to be from a quickie over the desk, why not.

>Helpful diagram of Eggman + Stone kissing and then = baby. They were in work hours.

-In the one where he comes back and the baby's already there, Eggman does a terrible job as a father the few first months, but then he gets the hang of it and it's not so bad.

>He gets projectile vomited on and he's immediately asking to get an abortion (the baby's already born) (he didn't give birth to her), Stone says no anyways.

>"Surprisingly, I'm a good father" he thinks one day and it's because he's still very much an orphan here with no frame of comparation or example aside from researching the matter.

-In the one where they wait for her together, he does all the research necessary in all those months, absolutely refusing in doing an average job in that matter, he's the great Ivo Robotnik c'mon. He excels at anything and he'll be a great father (jk he's terrified of fucking up).

-The Stobotnik family is an evil but loving family, like the bears in Puss in Boots whwh criminal family✨

-For the funny of it, Sonic and Eggman got a sort of relationship like in Sonic Boom, so sometime maybe our favorite boy, Tails and Knuckles had to look after their child.

-Also since Knuckles broke Stone's and Robotnik's hands with their handshake, let's have him handle the baby with the most careful grip ever, just to demonstrate that he didn't have to grab their hands that hard aksdjask

-She's a big fan of Sonic and friends (Sonic the Hedgehog, not Sonic Wachowski, the second guy hadn't done even half the things she admires him for, but no one has the heart to tell her when she's a kid). Has a bunch of merch and all the comics of Sonic the Hedgehog.

>When she's a teenager she proudly uses her Sonic backpack in the same way Deadpool uses his Hello Kitty backpack.

-BTW Sonic, Knuckles and Tails are all brothers and Maddie and Tom's kids bc that's the best idea ever made.

-ALSO I'm definitely gonna draw that scene where Knuckles was about to put the baby in the blender and Sonic shouts THE CHILI DOG NOT THE BABY. Some day, you'll see pipipi.

-SAGE was created for various reasons, to be her sister (since she wouldn't stop asking for one but neither Stone nor Robotnik were willing in raising another human kid, thanks very much), to protect her, and also to answer the tedious "why?" questions that neither father had the patience for (A+ parenting right there). Maybe she was used for the original purpose too idk (I don't know that sonic game where she debuts).

>The child's delighted about having a sister, then she grows up and SAGE doesn't, so she has a little sister.

>METAL SONIC TOO MAYBE? Perfect lil american family, the two happily married parents and their three kids (one human girl, an IA and a robot clone of their alien enemy).

-On her early months she was called Pebble, because she really was a mini Stone, Robotnik went along with it (bc he also looked at her and only saw his husband whw) until she was a little older and they started calling her by her name.

>Alternatively, since Eggman was gone, Stone waited for him to return in hopes of choosing together a name for their child, and Pebble worked as a placeholder since she was just a bebi.

>Alternatively alternatively, Eggman came up with the nickname. ROCK-ONNAISSANCE 🗣️ also yeah I know he was going crazy from the mushroom stuff, but he's not above making silly puns, he's a dad now and also he's naturally silly.

(NGL I really gotta make up my mind about how it all happened ajsdkad)

-She's a spoiled kid and also a little menace, unintentionally evil, she can't help it.

>Good-hearted too sometimes, she loves Sage and does her best to protect her back (it's not necessary but it's appreciated anyways).

-Robotnik calls himself 'daddy' way too much in the live-action movies to ignore it, so he's daddy and Stone's dad (dada when she was younger).

>"These are my daddies!" (points to what's clearly two villains -but also good fathers-)

-She has Robotnik's eyes but as big as Stone's. They're the lethal-est sad puppy eyes ever (they work wonders on both parents and other people) (both men got beautiful dark brown eyes with visible eyelashes fight me).

>Look at Eggman's silly eyelashes:

>Also, you know that picture of Lee Majdoub with the beautiful everything? I think he was wearing eyeliner so my Stone wears eyeliner too in contrast to Eggman's dark circles under his eyes JDJS😭

-She's the five-year-old that made Sonic fear them because 'they can be so cruel when they sense weakness' (she was brutally honest as any young kid is).

-Stone and Robotnik got Gomez and Morticia Addams kinda parenting. They see their child beating up someone and they're like:

"What did we do wrong?" (Stone while shaking his head in disappointment) "I know... she lacks resourcefulness." (Eggman) "Exactly, there's her baseball bat right there, why doesn't she use it?"

-Remember that Shadow said in a game that he wouldn't mind taking a candy from a baby? (fandub I think but still) This comes in handy when neither Tails, Sonic or Knuckles want to upset the kid (so Shadow does it instead).

-She plays sports too because she got too much energy. In each of them she loses her patience. She grabs the football and hauls it at the nearest team member, she throws her baseball bat to the ground and starts beating up whoever threw the ball that she missed, she stomps in frustration if she loses, she's great at dodgeball (sends her classmates to the infirmary).

-Throws tantrums and stuff and overall's an annoying kid if she's upset. Eggman's like UGH WHY'S SHE LIKE THIS?? and Stone's like Because of you, doctor (terrible temperament runs in the family and also Robotnik just spoiled her too much).

-I'm kinda dressing her up in the clothes that existed in my mind that supposedly Eggman wore (the weird dress-like jacket with the big zipper in the middle). Under her jacket there's a dress in the same pattern as the original Eggman's clothes, also she wears a baby onesie like that too.

-When she's older she's definitely proud of her fathers, but she doesn't appreciate the rumors that she's prone to go power-crazy like Robotnik did. Especially because it may be true, but what do they know.

-For the irony, she can't stand drinking coffee, but loves the smell of it because it reminds her of home (omg).

-THEY HAVE A PET CAT like I read in some fics and her name is Robot and she's a lil shit and also grumpy like Robotnik.

>Maybe she brings her alive mice to experiment on all sort of stuff (like Pávlov and his dogs and the guy Skinner with his mice and cats (??))

-She gets to hang out with Sonic and friends under the condition of annoying him as much as possible. So, she complies. (She loves Sonic the Hedgehog, but she loves making her fathers happy more).

-Very smart kid but not to the level of Tails or Robotnik at that age, she's just got very good memory and learning skills and knows a lot of stuff ever since she was a little kid. More like a Matilda-kinda intelligence.

-She's a scientist when she grows up too but the kind that makes evil potions and serums and stuff aksjdk probably (chemistry things? biochem idk). She can make silly little robots for the fun of it but it's not her passion, unlike Robotnik and Stone's. PROBABLY. I'm still deciding.

-BTW LOOK (it says 'carefully crafted ploy to distract space porcupines')

>While Eggman's there with the baby and Sonic in front of him going AWWW BABY BOO and making her laugh, Stone is sneaking up on him holding a chair above his head to knock him out.

THAT'S IT THANKS FOR READING ✨✨

[milf-harrington]

i read a fic yesterday (return of the king) where Steve swapped with Eddie at the last second at the end of s4 and ended up being the one who died and had to be left behind and then he came back as a vampire and it just got my brain TICKING.

So role-reversal AU where steve is the one who comes back basically kas-ified as is the common trope with eddie, but where eddie goes to steve, steve goes to robin.

lets say, for funsies, that they managed to kill vecna and max only ended up hospitalised for a broken elbow and a twisted ankle (from falling on it), so everyone has the time and space to grieve.

Steve’s death hits Robin the hardest because he was her person. He was her i-wish-we-could-just-merge-into-one-being. Her ride or die. Her soulmate. And he’d been taken from her, torn apart and left to rot in the very world he’d tried so hard to protect her from. 

The others give her space to let her mourn quietly in her bedroom, dressed in steve’s clothes and listening to his music like if she just tried hard enough she could still merge them together and let him use her lungs to breathe, her heart to pump his blood, her head to share his thoughts. that she could single handedly go from a me to a we.

And then, one day, Robin starts acting weird. She doesn’t know the Wheeler’s phone number and on her way to find it in the phone book, she found the Munson’s first, and when Eddie picks up it’s too a very chipper Robin asking for a lift to the shops where she proceeds to buy an alarming amount of red meat and refuses to answer any questions.

And she’s just- happy. She’s weird and happy and keeps calling Eddie to ask him about Dungeons and Dragons lore and if he can take her to the library or to the butcher and if he can let her borrow his jumper please? I get cold easily. And then she just keeps stealing clothes, from everyone. Sometimes she asks, sometimes she’ll just take a jacket off of the back of a chair and act like nothing happened, sometimes she just sneaks off to go rooting through washing baskets.

Then comes the day she invites Eddie over, probably a week or so after her initial journey into Weird-Ville, nervously rambling about nothing right up until she closes the front door behind them and runs into Eddie’s back because Eddie’s just spotted Steve-fucking-Harrington peering at him from around the corner. 

Apparently, a not-exactly-dead-anymore Steve crawled through Robin’s window one night and has since taken up residence underneath her bed. 

“He was kinda- not all there, at first.” She tells him, chopping a steak into cubes and dropping them into a blender. Steve, winged and fanged and tailed, leans against the counter and watches her with sleepy eyes. “But we’ve been working on it.”

After the initial pants-shitting shock of having her dead best friend re-appear as a creature of the upside down, Robin had simply accepted it and moved on. Happy to have Steve back no matter what it looked like. 

And what it looked like was blending raw meat, and reading together in the bathroom to bring back his ability to talk, and stealing clothes for the veritable nest Steve was building in her closet. The next step in her plan to re-domesticate her best friend, had been to introduce him to another person: Eddie, evidently. 

Steve promptly spends 5 minutes being a feral little creature, scenting Eddie within an inch of his life like he’d done to Robin, and then attempting to plant him in his nest like a little ornament. 

Just. idk. feral kas!steve seeking out robin for safety, who slowly re-introduces him to his humanity and then his future boyfriend.

[orellazalonia]

Found some footage of unhinged!reader training rookies:

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMS8vnswe/

(Hi! I love your works, you're amazing!!)

I’M DYING LOL AND IT WORKS SOMEHOW. So, that got me thinking how would she train them…. Now we turn it into a Drabble/blurb [Confession: I don’t know the difference between those two yet LOL] Happy reading! Also greetings! Thank you so much, always so nice seeing you around. Thanks for following along!!! :D

Unqualified, Unhinged, and Unforgettable

Summary: A bunch of excited, hopeful rookies have the absolute displeasure honor of being trained under you.

Word Count: 700+

Main Masterlist | Earth’s Mightiest Headache Masterlist

The rookies were excited. Nervous, but excited.

After all, they’d been assigned to training with one of the Avengers. A respected, battle-hardened legend. Probably someone like Steve Rogers. Or maybe Natasha Romanoff! God, even Sam Wilson would be incredible.

“Wait,” One of them whispered. “Who’s that?”

You walked onto the training mat holding a stick of string cheese like a cigarette, wearing mismatched socks and aviators. You pointed the cheese at them.

“Morning, nerds.”

The recruits glanced at each other.

“…Are you the trainer?” One asked hesitantly.

You bit the cheese, chewed, and nodded. “Absolutely. Avengers’ top strategic mind. Fun fact, I have never successfully used a revolving door. You’ll respect me soon enough though.”

One recruit hesitantly raised their hand. “Why are you barefoot?”

“I fight better when grounded to the earth’s vibrations,” You replied. “Also I couldn’t find my shoes.”

And so began the most absurd training session in S.H.I.E.L.D. history.

-

Hour 1:

You paired them off. “First, pick a partner. Then pretend they just betrayed you in a high-stakes casino heist.”

They hesitated, looking around at each other as they tried to process the instruction. You shouted, “Feel the betrayal! Feel the drama! Slap them if you need to!”

One poor recruit started sobbing. Another screamed, “I LOVED YOU, TYLER,” and tackled their partner into a fountain.

You applauded. “Amazing. Raw and painful. That’s real combat.”

-

Hour 2:

You rolled a blender onto the mat with duct tape, Christmas lights, and three timers.

“This,” You announced dramatically, “is your bomb.”

“That’s a blender,” Someone whispered slowly.

You leaned in, deadly serious. “That’s what they want you to think.”

The rookies huddled, genuinely trying to figure it out. One made the mistake of cutting the red wire (which was actually a Twizzler). The blender turned on and shot glitter everywhere.

“That was a decoy,” You told them solemnly. “Now you’re covered in regret and sequins.”

-

Hour 3:

You took them on a “field simulation” which turned out to be a surprise shopping trip to IKEA.

“Navigate this labyrinth. Assemble a chair. Use only hex keys and trauma.”

Two recruits got lost in the kitchen model displays. One called you from inside a wardrobe. You refused to help.

“If you can’t escape IKEA,” You said, eating a meatball with your bare hands, “How will you escape Hydra?”

-

Aftermath

When the rookies returned to HQ, some crying, some covered in glitter, and one holding an emotional support fern; they were never the same.

But they were better, somehow. Sharper and unpredictable. Capable of disarming actual bombs and Swedish furniture with nothing but rage and a plastic fork.

Bucky found you later in the common room, sitting on the couch, eating marshmallows with chopsticks and watching a documentary on nuclear fission at max volume. You were also wearing his hoodie, which meant you were either thriving or about to cause an international incident.

He leaned in the doorway, arms crossed. “You turned those rookies into emotionally unstable weaponized gremlins.”

You didn't look away from the TV. “I prefer the term ‘innovative prodigies.’”

“They challenged Sam to a duel using plungers and grief metaphors.”

“They need to learn how to weaponize emotion. That’s day three material.”

“They built a working trebuchet and launched my motorcycle onto the roof.”

You finally turned to look at him. “And did it not work?”

Bucky stared at you. “You trained them for one day.”

You gave him a slow blink, then gently offered him a marshmallow with the chopsticks. “You love me.”

“I love you,” He said flatly, taking the marshmallow. “I also think you might be a war crime in human form.”

You grinned. “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He walked over and dropped his head into your lap with a tired sigh, arm slinging around your waist. “Next time you train anyone, I’m sedating you first.”

“Won’t happen but that’s fair,” You said, petting his hair with one chopstick. “But you have to admit… they’re kind of unstoppable now.”

From down the hallway came a loud bang, a screech of victory, and someone yelling, “FOR SCIENCE AND THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!”

You sipped juice from your “World’s Best Trainer” mug and said softly, “My legacy begins.”

Bucky just groaned. “God help us all.”

[heartfullofleeches]

Masochist Bully Yan and Creepy, low-key pervy Reader who can't decide if they want to kiss and fuck or gut and kill him-

Erin Hart is the fucking worse. Can't have a thought to yourself when he's around, and with rumors of him liking you your life has crumbled from nightmare to pure hell. That bastard having a crush you of all people? - as if. Fucker probably doesn't even have a heart to begin with. You should just rip that wasted clump of tissue out his chest. It'd find better use in a blender. God, you hate him. You just want to ambush him in the locker room after one of his practices. Smash his head into the same locker he keeps full of all the shit he's stolen from you and kiss his pathetic ass once he's down to finally know the taste of his lips - silencing the curiosity that's been bugging you for weeks.

...wait-

Creepy Loser Reader who's loathed by nearly everyone and hates them all just the same - most notably the obsessive bully who refuses to even give them air to breath. Not only is he an asshole, but he's a pretty one too - the worst kind. When he's berating them for talking to a classmate without his permission it's a mental battle not to shove their tongue down his throat or pull out his teeth. He'd be dead sooner if his ass didn't look so good in shorts.

Like many troubled people, Creep Reader took to writing out their frustrations online. They used to keep notebooks, but Erin stole the majority and forced them to read one of their fantasies aloud. They tried to write at home, but the slippery bastard managed to steal those too. They write entire essays about how much they hate Erin and what they'd do to him if left alone with him for one hour. They never bothered to private their accounts since it's all just the ramblings of some nobody that no one will ever find.

"Erin's such a whore. It's the third day in a row he's had his hair up. Probably moans like the slut he is if you pull it. I wanna wrap my hands in his ponytail and rip out his throat with my teeth. I hate when he shows skin. It makes me want to leave him covered in bruises. Whore. Slut. Why won't you get out of my fucking head."

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. How the fuck did he get your phone - how does he know the password? You're dead. So fucking dead. He's going to kill you and dump your body in some lake and no one will care because-

"Do it."

"do....what?"

Erin huffs. Hard to too much with every little move adding friction to the erection straining his jeans. He removes the hair tie from his wrist, sweeping his hair back and pulling it through - glare keeping you pinned to the floor. Your eyes fall down to his neck, dark ring of bruises encircling his throat. It's surely just a coincidence, but you lost a belt not too long ago almost the exact width of the mark.

"Want to hurt me so bad? Fucking do it. Been waiting for you to snap and punch my lights out, but you have more restraint than I thought. It's cute. You're cute, but you didn't hear that from me. Hit me, Bitch. Make it count cause you're never getting rid of me."

[symerr]

the ultimate pro of doing stuff this way is that you'll fuck up so much that you'll have to remake parts of things so frequently that there isn't actually anything left of the original content by the time you're done. it's like collage art if it sucked to do and hurt you physically and mentally.

i may not be able to use blender how i want but i sure can conceptualize how i want to use blender

[nameless-jamie]

Perfectly Blended

A Jamie Tartt x reader Short Story

Masterlist

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x fem! make-up artist reader

TW: cursing, suggestive scene/language, kissing

A/N: This ff is inspired by the idea/request of @shadowyhologramlady thank you so much! Please give her a follow if you like!

AFC Richmond’s training ground wasn’t exactly the kind of place one expects to see an array of makeup brushes and highlighters laid out like surgical tools. But here she was, Y/N Y/L/N, leaning against a counter in the locker room, organizing her kit while waiting for Keeley to finish her meeting with Rebecca.

It all started rather fast. Y/N certainly didn't expect to get a call from Keeley Jones at midnight six months ago, tipsy off rosé, begging her to help out with AFC Richmond’s media team because “footballers need good skin too, babe. For their interviews and sponsorships.”

Y/N's actual main job was being a freelance makeup artist, working with models, influencers, and even the occasional musician. But suddenly her best friend Keeley hooked her up with this job. Ever since Keeley convinced Rebecca to let her run the club’s marketing, Y/N’d been roped into working part-time (recently more like full-time) at Richmond, mostly for media days and promotional shoots.

So, Y/N's new daily job was standing in the club’s locker room, arranging her makeup kit on the counter, and waiting for the players to get ready for their touch-ups before interviews.

All while Jamie Tartt—actual Premier League star, occasional pain in the ass, and her best friend’s biggest headache—watched her like she was performing some magic trick.

“Oi, what’s all this then?” Jamie said while touching a beauty blender that was laid out on the table.

Y/N glanced up at Jamie, who was dripping with post-training sweat, hair pushed back with his signature headband. He smelled like overpriced cologne and whatever soap they used in the showers, and despite how ridiculous it was, the combination made her brain short-circuit for half a second.

“It’s called makeup, Jamie,” she teased, holding up a brush. “Surely you’ve heard of it.”

“Oh, I know what makeup is. My mum watches Love Island, innit?” He smirked, crossing his arms as he eyed the foundations and powders spread out before them.

"That's... lovely Jamie."

“So, you’re tellin’ me they actually pay you to do this?” Jamie asked, leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest.

Without looking up again, Y/N sighed. “No, Jamie, I break into the training ground every week just for fun.”

His lips curled into a smirk. “Wouldn’t be surprised. Bet you love bein’ around me.”

She finally glanced up, raising a brow. “Yeah, Jamie. I keep doing footballers' makeup so I can powder your pretty little nose all day.”

“See? Knew it.”

She rolled her eyes, but the truth was, she had known Jamie for a while now. And they've had this flirty tension ever since they met.

You see, they know each other through Keeley. Y/N and Keeley had been inseparable since their early days in the industry—back when Keeley was a model and Y/N was just starting out as a makeup artist. Their friendship had landed Y/N some of her first big gigs, and eventually, when Keeley transitioned into PR, she had this idea and pulled Y/N along for the ride.

That was how she officially ended up working part-time at AFC Richmond, doing touch-ups for media days, promotional shoots, and the occasional interview. And that was also how she ended up crossing paths with Jamie Tartt.

Jamie, who had been Keeley’s ex. Jamie, who had a reputation for being both unbearably cocky and stupidly attractive. Jamie, who flirted with her in a way that was definitely not friendly, despite Keeley’s constant eye-rolls and smirks whenever she caught them talking. "God, just fuck and get it over with." Keeley's words.

There was something about him—something infuriatingly charming, something Y/N refused to acknowledge as attraction, even though she knew deep down that was exactly what it was.

Jamie liked to push.

And she liked pushing right back.

Which was why it was so easy to smirk at him now and say, “Are you just here to annoy me, or did you actually need something?”

Jamie shrugged. “Bit of both.”

She sighed dramatically, turning back to her kit. “Alright, well, unless you need concealer for those eye bags—”

“Oi! I don’t have eye bags.”

She smirked. “—or maybe some setting powder for that sweaty forehead of yours—”

“Not sweaty, I’m glistening.”

“—then I’m busy.”

Jamie chuckled, stepping closer. “Alright, fine. Maybe I was thinkin’… you ever need a model for that little makeup account of yours, I could do it.”

That actually made her pause. “You? Model for me? On my Instagram?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, shrugging like it was no big deal. “I reckon I’d look dead fit with a bit of contour.”

She snorted. “You already think you look dead fit, Tartt.”

“Yeah, but now imagine it with highlight. Drop dead gorgeous.”

She eyed him suspiciously, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking. But no—he was giving her that smug, lopsided grin, dimples out in full force, because he knew exactly what he was doing.

And the worst part? It was working.

“…Fine,” she relented, pointing a brush at him. “But if I do this, you have to sit still and actually listen to me.”

Jamie pressed a hand to his chest. “Swear on me mum’s life.”

She rolled her eyes but gestured for him to sit.

He dropped into the chair, looking way too pleased with himself as she stood in between his legs and pumped a little foundation onto the back of her hand.

“You better not make me look like a dickhead, love.”

“No promises,” she muttered, dabbing the sponge onto his face.

The second it touched his cheek, Jamie flinched.

“Jesus Christ, that’s cold!”

She snorted. “Oh, suck it up, you get tackled for a living.”

Jamie huffed but let her continue, even as his skin warmed under her touch. His lashes were stupidly long up close, and he kept watching her with that same smug glint in his eye.

“This your favorite part?” Jamie mused.

She didn’t look up. “What, applying foundation?”

“Nah,” he said, smirking. “Touchin’ my face.”

She paused just long enough for his grin to widen.

“Oh my God,” she muttered. “You are so full of yourself.”

Jamie leaned back slightly, still grinning. “Yeah, but you usually love it.”

She ignored him and grabbed a brow gel, brushing up his eyebrows.

“That shit feels weird.”

“Looks good, though.”

Jamie waggled his brows. “Look at you givin' me compliments now. Told you I’d be a good model.”

"I mean you are a handsome man, don't see why you wouldn't be a good model." She mumbled fully concentrated.

"I mean, I personally think you're fuckin' fit—"

"Shhhh." She shushed him by applying some chapstick before he could say something that would make her go fucking feral for him.

Jamie gave her a knowing smirk, making her laugh. “Am I bein' good so far? Behavin'?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered, picking up a soft bronzer. “Okay, now let’s give you some definition.”

His smirk deepened. “Thought you said I already had too much definition.”

“Okay, first of all—” You pointed at him with the brush. “You should not be that smug about having cheekbones.”

“Can’t help it, babe. Genetics, innit?”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes as you dusted bronzer along his jaw. “Second of all, if you interrupt me again, I’m putting glitter on you.”

Jamie gasped, pressing a hand to his chest. “You wouldn’t.”

You held up a shimmery highlighter. “Try me.”

He eyed it warily before sitting up straighter. “Right, sorry I’ll be good.”

Once she was done, she stepped back to admire her work.

“There. You look ridiculously good, Jamie.”

Nah, you have to realize he looked good before, but now...fuck.

Jamie turned to the mirror, tilting his head like he was properly analyzing himself. “Not bad,” he admitted, rubbing a thumb along his jaw—before she swatted his hand away.

“Do not mess it up, I still need pictures.”

Jamie sighed dramatically. “Right, right. The things I do for the arts.”

She grabbed her phone, snapping a few shots as he posed like a model—one hand under his chin, then a serious smolder, then holding a football like he was starring in some Vogue athlete feature. She couldn’t stop laughing, especially when he gave her the full Zoolander pose.

Eventually, after the last photo, Jamie leaned back in his chair and gave her a look—one that was softer than before, a little more genuine. She was still standing in between his legs admiring the photos she took of him.

“You’re actually really good at this, y’know.”

She blinked, momentarily thrown. “Thanks, Jamie.”

He tilted his head. “How come you don’t do, like… big celebrities and that, anymore?”

She shrugged. “I do, sometimes. But I like working with people I know. Plus, the football stuff is fun and Keeley keeps me busy and well-paid here.”

Jamie hummed, then suddenly said, “Bet you’d be dead fit with a bit of blush.”

She frowned. “I am wearing blush, Jamie.”

He smirked. “Yeah, but I mean, like… if I put it on you. Let me try.”

Before she could respond, Jamie grabbed the blush brush from her kit, twirling it between his fingers.

“C’mon,” he said, tilting his head. “Fair’s fair.”

She crossed her arms. “Do you even know how to use that?”

Jamie shrugged. “How hard can it be?”

She sighed but let him dust the blush across her cheek. His fingers brushed her skin lightly as he blended it in—careful, gentle. The teasing was still there, but the air between them shifted.

Jamie wasn’t just playing around anymore.

She could feel it in the way he was watching her.

The brush faltered, then slowly dropped.

Y/N shook her head, trying not to heat up too much under his gaze. “Well, thanks for letting me use your face.”

“I'd let you use my face anytime,” he said easily while giving her his signature smirk. Neither of them were moving.

Y/N glanced up. “Oh really?” At this point, she was indulging him.

She could still feel the warmth of his fingertips lingering against her skin. His gaze flickered from her eyes to her lips—quick, instinctive.

Her breath hitched.

Jamie exhaled slowly. “Yeah.”

She wasn’t sure who leaned in first.

Maybe it was him. Maybe it was her.

Maybe it had been a long time coming.

But before she could overthink it, before she could talk herself out of it—Jamie’s lips brushed against hers, sending a spark down her spine.

She didn’t pull away.

Instead, her fingers curled into the fabric of his training jersey, tugging him closer as he kissed her—soft, but firm, like he’d been waiting for this just as much as she had.

His hand came up to her jaw, the same one that had been holding the brush just moments ago, now tilting her face just right as he deepened the kiss. He tasted faintly of mint gum and something sweet, something him, and it was dizzying how easily she melted into it.

Jamie smirked against her lips. “Told you you’d look good with blush.”

She huffed a laugh. “Shut up.”

And then she kissed him again.

[lesbianaang]

iwtv season 2 screening talk-back highlights:

- everyone playing “let’s embarass jacob anderson with compliments”

- rolin had jacob read a half in character as santino message from ben daniels to the audience

- assad saying his favorite part of the dubai scenes were the “looks” between him and eric

-armand blender shoutout!

- sam reid #1 lestat fan and going strong. when asked how he makes lestat someone we want to root for despite being kinda horrible he essentially said “i understand him. i root for him”

- sam and jacob playfully bristling at each other’s descriptions of their characters and where the “truth” lies for them lol

-for a question about a fun behind the scenes moment, sam and jacob proceed to look directly at each other, burst into laughter for the next 30 seconds, and then refuse to tell us an anecdote?????

-eric saying that Sam and jacob follow each other around on set like no other actors he’s worked with previously and play around “like puppies” lol

-assad describing armand when he meets louis as “lost” and putting on a performance of confidence and power that isn’t fully real

- jacob sent an email to assad calling him “the big VA” in season 1

-eric complimenting the writing of the show again and talking abt how thankful he is to do intense, subtle, emotionally difficult work on this show that he’s never had an opportunity to do before in his career (since he’s usually just the “angry” guy when cast)

-delainey saying that claudia would be the type of girl to go to sephora and shoplift even though she doesn’t need to in modern day

-rolin confirming material being used in the season from tvl, queen of the damned, tale of the body theif, tva, and prince lestat

-episode 3 will be the armand flashbacks to meeting lestat and theatre performer lestat

-episode five is the original interview flashback. according to rolin, episode 5 is where we understand why the second interview needed to happen for one character, and episode 8 we unveil why it needed to happen for another 👀

- in response to what tv show would your character binge: armand -> buffy the vampire slayer; daniel -> breaking bad; claudia -> the oa; and lestat and louis watch real housewives together (this is canon to me now btw)

[aunttheta]

I've been seeing some posts about siffrin being bad at his job that got me thinking super hard about it. Like Siffrin IS bad at their job but it's only because he's recently disabled, Like at the point we first meet him he doesn't seem to even fully accept the lost eye as being lost and they haven't adjusted to it being missing and what that really means.

Almost everytime Sif misses something in the house its because they couldn't SEE it, like the switch in the pillar, the key in the head housemaidens office, and i think the most obvious offender the counter.

Honestly the only things I can think of that he misses due to just, not getting it would be the secret library and the key in the diary, which I also find the diary super interesting because I feel it's pretty safe to assume they miss it because of how he values privacy of thought but that's not what this is about.

The point is Siffrin is struggling with his sight and no longer can spot things as easily as he likely is used to, and isn't giving himself any breathing room for messing up because in their mind they should be better at this because at some point not that long ago he WAS better at this, meaning if he failed its got to be his fault, that means he isn't trying as hard as they should or didn't look hard enough, either way it would be because of some kind of failing on their part.

But that isn't true, the issue isn't looking hard enough or trying harder or anything like that, it's because he's partially BLIND and won't ask or talk to the party about it, because as previously established he refuses to acknowledge it affects him and his ability to do their job.

And all of this ties in to their inability to talk about or even think about their feelings. One of the major themes of the game is communication and I think the eye is a pretty great example of Siffrin's general struggle with it and also is just a great view into the way he sees himself in general, which is.... not great lol.

Okay I'm done I have no more rambles, hopefully this was coherent and made sense lol. I have so many thoughts about Siffrin's eye and how that affects him and all that, it's so interesting. Put that creature into he blender to be thoroughly examined lol.

[realm-newsletter]

The Ball, The Null, and Skulk, oh my!

March started off with one hell of a bang! The long-awaited Ball happened, people got Thanos-snapped into the Null, and there’s a new kind of corruption plaguing the server: Skulk.

The Ball

How did it go? BAD!!!

The Teal Titans hosted a brief pre-party at their base to get everyone hyped up for the event. While everyone was still hanging out in their base, Ros said that the ball’s entry fee was one diamond block and everyone paid. Beky stole a handful of the diamond blocks, and Aimsey accidentally shot and killed her while she was running away. Aimsey felt bad about that, so he and Beky made a deal with the Keepers to transfer one of his lives to Beky in exchange for loot from an Ancient City.

Couples: Aimsey and Ros, Bad and Foolish, Pangi and Sausage, Scott and CPK, Beky and a Keeper, Owen and Pili. Losers who went alone: Tubbo, Krow, and Sneeg.

Sneeg arrived late after purposefully lagging out the server with the Blender, and then tried to refuse to come if the Keepers didn’t teleport his “date” to the ball with him: Burpus with no Purpose, a pillager whose crossbow was taken off it. He had to be teleported back to the ball twice.

Guests were coatchecked; all items besides tools and armor had to be put into shulkers, including enderchests, and given to Keepers for safe-keeping.

Upon entering the ball, there was Faction-specific seating that was only somewhat adhered to. Beky sat with the Blue faction; Pangi, Sausage, and Bad sat with the Yellow faction; Owen and Pili sat alone at the Green faction table.

Faction leaders gave speeches! For full speeches, I encourage checking out Ros’s vod on YouTube. After the speeches, there was dancing and drinking and general cheer! Ros then gave another speech thanking everyone for attending, Foolish for making the Kingdom, and Bad, Aimsey, Pangi, and Pili for helping in the construction of the ballroom itself. 

The Keepers announced that they had prepared several games for them to play. Sausage played with the Yellow faction, Pili played with Green, and no one played for Red. Everyone was given a list of items to gather from barrels scattered around the ballroom, bingo-style. After this game was completed, the Keepers asked for each faction to nominate one person who had had the greatest impact on their faction. Blue nominated Aimsey; Yellow nominated Ros; Green nominated Pangi.

The Keepers had one more trick up their sleeves: The factions were given 10 minutes to find 50 logs around the ballroom, or else their chosen people would be “wiped from existence.” 😨 They failed to gather the logs in time.

As the nominees were gathering onstage, all of the tables but Yellow’s were revealed to be trapped and were blown up with a button on Yellow’s table that triggered the explosions. The culprit is still at large.

The Keepers urged the factions to work together moving forward, and then the nominees were kicked from the server.

Beky gathered the Realmers at her library with the siren call of secret information. She revealed the Keepers had given her a set of books about “7 Calamities” and the Corruption, which turned the previous occupants of the Realm into the Keepers we know and “love.” Beky speculated that the players (“Outworlders”) were brought to the Realm in order to become strong warriors. Snails are part of the “Project S.N.A.I.L.” directive to further encourage players to level and become stronger. There have been previous Outworlder groups that failed.

There is a calamity called “The Maddening” which happens when an Outworlder dies a dramatic death. Symptoms include a change in eyes, memory loss, aggression, a shift in personality, and an attraction to Corruption. (Remind us of anything?🤔)

The F.A.C.T.I.O.N. pact is made between all people present; the pact declares that, in the face of any larger threat, the factions will work together to overcome it. After signing it, a Keeper declares that new Faction quests have been disbursed to be completed without their most critical members. The quests were: A bed matching their faction color, an amount of froglights, and a plant/flower (Torchflower seeds, wither roses, and chorus flowers). 

Bad and Foolish fulfilled their death pact; Snoozer set off an explosion that killed Foolish. Bad survived and then burnt himself to death. OOC, Bad said that in-character, both were killed in the explosion.

The Null

Ros, Pangi, and Aimsey woke up in a dark room called “The Null.” Each had a color-coded bed made out of carpet. Pangi moved Aimsey and Ros’s beds to be closer together. 

They aren’t sure how long they’ve been trapped, although it’s been at least several days. Aimsey thinks it’s been at least a decade, Ros claims 21 years, Pangi claims 50. They’ve given up on their servermates saving them.

After some back and forth and joking around (Ros is building a castle on an iPad, eating Pangi for rations), a Keeper shows up and says that Aimsey can return to the Realm to complete a deal. Aimsey refuses to leave unless he can take Ros and Pangi with him. All three return to the Realm, albeit changed by their experience. Ros returned with severe memory loss. 

The three are filled in on Beky’s lore books, and decline to sign the F.A.C.T.I.O.N. pact, citing a distrust of the factions’ ability to work together, especially since the ball had been trapped.

Several people interrogate Ros on her memory loss; Foolish and Tubbo say she has lost her joy and whimsy, and Tubbo and Bad separately accuse her of being an imposter. Bad takes her hostage; she is freed by Tubbo and his Snail Army, but Bad continues to chase her saying he just wants to “cure” her. He corners her in the castle and accidentally sets off Sneeg’s alarm system, freaking Ros out more. He continually tries to therapize her, and then chases her around, hitting her with steak to “jog her memory.”

Pangi claims to have returned “fine,” visibly less shaken by his experience. He even asks to be sent back to the Null to avoid Pili 5 Apples Tall, which is briefly fulfilled. He says he knows that the Null was the Keepers’ realm, and that he feels that the Keepers have been against him since day one. He has stolen one of the Keepers’ cloaks, and he wants to hunt them in their own clothing. He wants to kill them because nobody has seen one die.

[We do not currently have detailed information on Aimsey’s activities immediately post-Null. If you would like to help us fill in the gaps in our reporting, send in a contributor application!]

Skulk?!

[We do not currently have detailed notes on the state of Sneeg and Aimsey’s Skulk infections from the beginning of March. Due to its importance, we are still reporting on it to the best of our ability. If you would like to help us fill in the gaps in our reporting, send in a contributor application!]

Sneeg and Aimsey initially met up to discuss the fact that both of them have been hearing things. Initially they only discussed hearing the Dragon, however after further discussion found that they were also hearing the Warden. Auditory hallucination buddies! They theorized that this had to do with the Dragon Egg Shards, and sought out others who might have them to see if they’d also been hearing things. 

The two were instructed to gather ten Warden Souls by the Keepers, and then to spawn and kill the Wardens. The Warden Souls were objects that, when thrown on the ground with a sculk sensor, would spawn in a Warden. Sneeg and Aimsey wandered around an Ancient City, following the sound of heartbeats, to the Warden Souls. They tested killing one Warden in the Ancient City, before returning to the Blender to kill the rest. The Wardens each had a chance of dropping a Cracked Sculk Catalyst, which was what the Keepers ultimately wanted to gather. The Keepers kept three Catalysts for their own purposes, and told Aimsey and Sneeg to each eat one, which they did. Eating the Catalysts gave them back one life, however the Keepers warned them that it would cost them part of their humanity.

Following their Ancient City excursion, Sneeg found that his arm had a Skulk vein growing on it, as well as blocks of Skulk around the Blender and his room in the castle. Aimsey’s second house also has Skulk growing around it.

It has been noted that Skulk acts as a counter to the Corruption, stopping it from spreading when placed around it.

[rotten7rat]

Batfamily + Cooking

Alfred:

He's the main cook, and has been since taking the job as the Wayne's butler. Classically trained in the culinary arts, and thankfully stillvery much enjoys it, though not as much as he used to. He likes baking more than cooking, and has gotten more of a sweet tooth as he's gotten older. Leans more on your classic British dishes, but is always happy to try a requested recipe. Prefers to cook either alone or with competent help.

Bruce:

No. Cannot even be trusted to make a grilled cheese, he always burns them.

Barbara:

Pretty good. Very much a 'throw something together at 7:30, eat at 8' kind of person, but everyone is always happy to have what she cooks. If it takes hours to make then its not worth it. A teacher suggested once that being raised by a single father, she must do most of the cooking and cleaning, and after that she refused to learn how to cook out of sheer stubbornness.

Dick:

An excellent cook. I think it comes naturally to him, he didn't spend much time cooking growing up but once he taught himself the basics he can pretty much throw anything together. Its by no means a passion of his, but he does enjoy it. However, he doesn't cook often due to being too busy and/or tired, so he gets a lot of takeout or just has something quick or microwavable very often. But if he's cooking you best be there. Anything can be a social occasion and he happily accepts help in the kitchen. Not great at baking though, he always manages to over-cook or over-mix.

Cassandra:

I'm sorry but she will throw rice, water, and and an unseasoned chicken breast in the rice cooker and call it a night. Either that or she'll have a protein shake and seven eggs.

Jason:

Quite good. Unlike Dick, it doesn't come naturally to him, but he is a fast learner and picked it up mostly from Catherine, Alfred, and YouTube. That being said, would he prefer tortellini en brodo or four boxes of Kraft mac and cheese? Tamales or something quick and greasy from Bat Burger? Its always the second option. I think he often cooks as a distraction or just something to do, and just gives it to the single mother across the hall or throws it in the freezer to eat a week later.

Stephanie:

Decent. She'll see a recipe on TikTok and will try it instantly, and she's always excited to try something new. Works best with a recipe but decides just to wing it mostly. Cooking with her mother has become somewhat of a bonding activity. Really good at baking, especially things like brownies and cookies. However, she will also throw pickles, peanut butter and ice cream in a blender and swear it tastes fantastic. Is learning to cook more because everytime she sees Cass eating a boiled chicken breast she takes psychic damage. Trying to sneak meat alternatives into Cass without her noticing. It worked once.

Tim:

Not great. Will follow the recipe to the letter and will somehow still fuck it up. He mostly sticks to simple recipes that are hard to mess up, and also just doesn't have the desire to spend heaps of time in the kitchen. He does make a mean sandwich though, every time someone tries to replicate one its just never as good.

Duke:

Doesn't particularly enjoy cooking but he's fine at it. Not as bad as Cassandra, he will season his food, but prefers it to be quick and not complicated. Loves heavier foods like pastas and other carbs but doesn't have the patience or desire to make them from scratch so he uses jar sauces, frozen potatoes etc. Will put taco seasoning on everything.

Damian:

Good eventually. Doesn't cook a lot now, but when he was younger he had a kind of 'well obviously its not difficult, its just cooking' mindset. He was humbled. By Dick. I think when he's older he is much better. Will still follow a recipe so it is perfect every time. It isn't a hobby, just a task that must be completed, but he'll be damned if he's eating bland food, he will spend an hour preparing vegetable tagine. Nobody can help of even be in the kitchen with him while he is cooking, because they are breathing all the kitchen air and taking up all the room. Get out.

[swampstew]

Really Really

Breaking news: local cryptid @quinloki was found guilty of leaving tasty treats in my ask box. Feeding the thot after midnight. I let the whoremone monster out and it was feeling some type of way♥

Man worth 3 billion berri is still a virgin, so I threw him in the blender. Warnings: spicy; post-time skip Eustass Kid x AFAB Reader; it doesn't go all the way in :) WC: 1.2K

inspired by this gif

Impatient.                                            

Not a word typically used to describe yourself but after six long months aboard the Victoria Punk, the fierce Captain Kid had once again overlooked your playful flirting as he stormed to his workshop; a hint of red on the tips of his ears were the only sign he’d heard what you said.

You weren’t sure what his deal was – you’d never seen him hook up, not with anyone on the crew and not with anyone on islands the crew landed at. Sure he’d go into strip clubs or make out with random people at the bar from time to time but not once had you seen him spend the night off ship. Or seen a one-night stand stumble from his cabin.

It was puzzling.

A devilishly handsome, well-toned man like him had women and men swooning over him, flirting and spoiling him with compliments, drinks, and food to gain his favor. Kid didn’t always accept the tokens and he almost never accepted them from you. Food and drinks yes but flirting? Almost like it went over his spiked hair; a blush, smirk or scowl the only response he gave you.

It made you…desperate.

Was he really that disinterested or was there something else?

Someone else?

So you did what any rational person could do – you got Killer drunk and tried to weasel out information. But the son of a bitch was like a sealed vault, refused to give up anything about his best friend. And he teased you for it.

“D-you like him or something?” the blonde finally asked.

“I—” you stuttered, “I’m just wondering why! Does he not like sex or?”

Killer didn’t answer right away, swirling his cup before taking a contemplative sip from his straw. “It’s not that, so much as…” he took another sip, “He prioritizes his ambitions and dreams. That’s all.”

“What does that have to do with fucking?”

“Absolutely nothing. He just hasn’t.”

“…Hasn’t? As in had sex?”

Killer shrugged, neither confirming nor denying. That stunned you into silence.

“Really? A guy like him??”

“If you’re so interested in finding out – you should ask him yourself.”

“I’ve tried! I flirt with him, wear revealing clothes, he usually ignores me!”

Killer began coughing, putting his drink aside as he shuddered between suppressing laughter and trying to breathe.

“F-ff-ff- ahh no he doesn’t. He just pretends to.”

“WHAT?!”

“He’s not an idiot, he knows what you’re doing. But he won’t do anything about it since you’re his responsibility; unless you were to, well, be aggressively transparent.” With that, Killer left you alone in the galley.

Transparency.

And Kid’s known the whole damn time and not even acknowledged it. That was frustrating. So much so you decided to try again the next day and be as blunt as possible.

You knew his schedule by heart, you skipped breakfast to hide in his workshop. Wearing a short skirt and oversized sweater, you took a pair of scissors and got creative. Carefully snipping away at the fabric, you cut away at your outfit to expose your bra and panties, not quite getting naked, enough to be as blunt as possible about your intentions.

The sound of thudding boots growing closer suddenly made you nervous but you swallowed your anxiety and snipped the strap of your bra before tossing the scissors and turned away from the door.

“The hell are you doing in here? Why weren’t you at breakfast?" stunned to find you in his sanctuary, a place he expressly forbade anyone from.

You turned your head to the side with a pout on your face, “Didn’t want to eat. I want something else.”

Slamming the door shut, Kid removed his coat and threw it on the table before roughly grabbing your shoulder to face him. His face turned bright red as his golden eyes traveled up and down your body. Studying the way the slit up your skirt gave him a view of your panties, the way your breast threatened to spill over the edge of the cup of the destroyed bra.

You heard his breath sharply release from his lips, “What the…the fuck happened to you?”

You narrowed your eyes, “You did. This is what you’ve driven me to.”

He backed away from you with shock and surprise on his face, “I did what?!”

“I want to fuck you,” you walked towards him, hips, thighs, and breasts jiggling with each step, “I’ve tried flirting with you, dropped hints, given you a share of my loot, and literally hand fed you and you’ve NEVER reciprocated in any manner. So, is it me? Do you find me atrocious? Unfuckable?” your voice became gravelly from the internalized resentment and embarrassment you felt from the efforts you’d put in all this time. “Please, tell me. It’s killing me. If you don’t want me, I’ll stop. But just say something. Am I making a fool of myself for wanting you?”

Kid’s back hit the door, eyes wide as he listened to your rant, “I-wha-no! It’s not you, it’s…”

You stopped a few feet from him, so desperate to hear his answer. You could see the bulge outline in his pants.

“FUCK!” he snarled, smacking his own face to cover his flushed expression, fingers digging into his skin until deep red crescents marked him. “I’ve never had sex!” he finally confessed.

“Really?” you asked, not at all expecting that response. “But…why not? You’re hot as fuck!”

“I JUST HAVEN’T OKAY?!” he lashed out, making you step back from him, a little intimidated by his embarrassed rage. “I’ve got more important shit to do than fuck around and spawn a bunch of bastards,” he spat through grit teeth.

“…Condoms exist…”

“I KNOW THAT!”

Your hip clipped the table’s edge and you stumbled backwards. Before you fell, Kid grabbed your arm and pulled you up, in doing so you fell right into his bare chest. You could feel the goosebumps ripple across both your bodies from the touch but he didn’t move away.

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered, a bit ashamed from the confrontation, “I just needed to know if you found me attractive, at all. I’ll leave you alone.”

Still holding on to you he barked out, “Have you fucking seen yourself? Who wouldn’t be into you?!”

“Well, you? Considering you keep blowing me off,” you mumbled.

That made him laugh, “REALLY? Shit and here I thought I was being a decent Captain by not sleeping with my subordinates.”

“Really? You parroted in shock, that was surprisingly mature and unexpected. “But I’ve never seen you fuck around with anyone so I just thought—”

“Does this seem like I’m not interested?” he huffed, using his metal arm to grab your waist and pull you into him. Felt his erection against your lower belly. “Fuck me for trynna do the right thing.”

He made you walk backwards, still pressing his body into yours, “I get hard every day just looking at you. When you say cheeky shit, I have to come here and jerk off so I can fucking think clearly. You’re my biggest distraction but—” his hand ghosted up your arm to caress your cheek with surprising gentleness, “—I’ve never not been attracted to you.”

“Oh,” you hummed, still as stone to preserve the moment.

With a click of his tongue, Kid grabbed your chin and planted a wet kiss on you.

Your eyes were crossed from the feeling, lost in a haze as you felt him swing your body around until you were pushed back on top of his coat. The withdrawal of his touch brought you to reality, mouth gaping as he stood in front of you but did not initiate further contact.

“Show me what you like,” he rasped out. “Touch yourself. Teach me what to do.”

[spiritslashrrsadie]

another for michael-- reader showing Michael how to cook/bake since he was never taught growing up, Michael gets bored quickly and decides to smear batter or flour or something on readers face

Lessons in Cooking (Michael Myers x GN!Reader)

A/N - This is highkey just me telling you guys how to (start to) make arroz rojo/mexican rice/red rice, whatever you call it. So hey! Recipe!

⏔⏔⏔⏔ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔

Michael wasn’t sure why he let you force him into things like this. Why did he need to learn how to cook when you already do it for him? When you aren’t there, he has candy and whatever food you were saving for yourself that he could eat. He didn’t need to learn how to do this but he was somehow convinced to learn by you.

“It’s just rice, babe! It’ll be easy, I swear. Besides, you like my rice don’t you? So might as well learn if I ever get too sick to make you some.” You told him as you washed your hands at the kitchen sink.

Michael wasn’t sure he appreciated the implication that he would allow you to get sick but whatever.

“Now help me get the rice from the top shelf.” You said, grabbing a large bowl and a strainer.

Michael sighed softly and reached up, pulling down a bag of jasmine rice for you. As much as he did not want to do this, and he really didn’t, Michael wouldn’t turn down free food or a chance to stare at you without you complaining.

“Okay,” you poured about two cups of rice into the bowl and turned on the water, “first - wash your rice. I’m being so serious, you do not skip this step, I don’t care what you were used to eating before me but you always wash your rice, got it?”

Michael nodded as you continued, explaining that he needed to rinse it in cold water until the water runs clear.

“Now turn the stove on, medium heat please.” You gestured towards the stove while you ran the rice through one last rinse.

“Alright, Michael. When the pan is hot, you’re gonna get some oil, I usually use the vegetable oil, and basically pour in enough that it covers the bottom of the pan. ‘Kay?”

Michael nodded again and leaned back against the counter, tilting his head while watching you. His eyes followed your every movement, a look of interest and warmth in his gaze. His fingers drummed impassively against his arms and he sighed as you stirred the rice.

“Come over and basically just let the rice cook until it’s all golden or whatever.” You offered the wooden spoon to him before going to pull out the blender.

“I’m just gonna explain how to make the sauce while you do that,” you added.

“Get two roman tomatoes, about a fourth of an onion, two garlic cloves, a cup of water, a tablespoon of chicken bouillon and a tablespoon of tomato bouillon,” you recite as you cut up and measure the needed ingredients.

Looking over, you smiled as Michael stared intently at the pan of toasting rice. Although he hardly seemed to be listening to you, it was nice that he was doing this for you anyways.

You tossed everything into the blender and held down the lid, turning it on.

“Swap me places and I want you to taste the sauce, lemme know if it’s good.”

You took the spoon from his hand and pushed him towards the counter once again.

Unfortunately for you, Michael had just decided he was done with this. He already knew how to make a sandwich, what more did you want from him?

So your beloved masked murderer opened up the blender, swiped some sauce onto his fingers and turned back towards you.

“Does it taste right, Micha-“ You were interrupted as he smeared sauce across your face.

“Michael!” You gasped, unsure if you were amused or angry.

He didn’t stick around long enough to find out, simply licking the excess off of his fingers and walking out of the kitchen and leaving you to finish by yourself.

Michael didn’t want to learn how to cook nor did he think he needed to. But he did find that watching you was pretty enjoyable, especially when he was able to truly bother you.

He wasn’t very happy when you refused to cook rice for about a month though.

[signanothername]

Seeing canon Nightmare after seeing dadmare is such a such, I started reading FTOF as my first interaction with Nightmare as one of the main focus, then i found you blog and I was shocked, Then I read The other fic of Im_Sorry_Buddy and I almost died from the evil Nightmare, Now your Nightmare is my favorite, evil bitchmare who is a scared child inside for the win, not only that but your Killer is so abhnhfhjfhjasdj I wanna blend him and bite him, poor Dream though, wish he wouldnt care so much about someone like Nightmare, some things shouldnt be forgiven but he is too caring

Dhhdhdhd thank youuuuuuuu 😭❤️🌷✨

And yeah, going from dadmare to bitchmare must have been a shock hchchcchhc

And believe me I wanna put killer in a blender too ughh <3333

And oh yeah Dream just cares too much, and that is in of itself a flaw in his character, it only weighs him down mentally, emotionally and physically

Nightmare hurt a lot of people, hurt him too, but Dream just can’t bring himself to be mad (not permanently anyway, he definitely got so angry sometimes, anger issues riddled Dream my beloved <333) even tho he has the right to be mad, like yeah, Nightmare was abused, traumatized and scarred, but that’s no excuse for Nightmare’s actions

Dream knows this, he knows that’s no excuse and he knows deep down that Nightmare wouldn’t just go back to who he used to be, he’s just a tiny bit deluded to think there’s hope that this might just magically happen, that Nightmare would suddenly become a better person, but that’s just cause he’s too pained, he’s grieving

Eventually he’ll accept it tho, it still wouldn’t change how much he cares or how much he loves Nightmare, but it’ll give him the strength to actually fight back harder, too bad Nightmare refuses to see how much Dream loves and cares for him tho (even when he appreciates in a buried part of him deep down)