#healing from a toxic relationship

[keep-going-to-the-sunrise]

Oh, how tempting it is to stalk someone that no longer is part of your life just to feel some control to cope over the fact that you allowed them to get to know a part of you that makes you vulnerable.

[ruminate88]

”The pain of realizing everything you felt and cared about was all a lie. You’ve been played and now you don’t know your own reality.”

[bl0omss]

[backpackingspace]

Okay so I love combined different adaptation canons. So!! In the odyssey when eurylochus and the crew slaughters the cows they've been standard on the island for a month. And with epic and odysseus being tied up and mutiny.

What if it had been a month? A month spent tied up. A month where he and eurylochus bitterly clear the air in some way for a month. It doesn't repair the relationship. Nothing every will. The other has gone way too far in the others eyes and there won't ever be any forgiveness. But there is familiarity. There's slip ups of childhood names. Maybe a shared (bitter) laugh. They're talking and ironically closer than they been in a very long time. And even after a month of this, at the end of the day odysseus is still healing from a stab wound, his wrists are still chaffing and bruised from the ropes, and the fact that eurylochus opened the bag is bitter ashy rage in his mouth and gut and he HATES. (Hates the helplessness too. And after hates that he was the one who had to choose but there's bitter cruel satisfaction too. Us monsters love their revenge after all.)

And on eurylochus's side. The talking starts because well. Someone has to attend to his captains wounds and feed him and all of that (every day he wonders why he isn't killing him. He's come this far the bag the muntiy the stabbing he might as well finish it. If nothing else it would be one less mouth to feed and they're starving. AGAIN. ) and he can't trust anyone else not to fall into odysseus's spell and it's so so awkward. So. Eurylochus starts talking to odysseus (his king his captain his BROTHER...his prisoner. the man he's betrayed the man who would personally brutally kill them all if it got him what he wanted. He can't trust odysseus to roam free. HE CANT. ) starts to tell him all the things he's been biting his tongue about. The things that he would have told polties had....

And. Odysseus responds (of course he does he never could resist a conversation, a taunt, a challenge. And eurylochus has given the rest of the crew strict orders not to talk to their captain. Ironically eurylochus is finding he doesn't like being captain he thought it wouldn't be so different. He was already doing all the management but now. Now they're starving and eurylochus believes odysseus about the cows being sacred and everyday he tells the crew not to hunt them. ....but they're STARVING.)

And in the end. Eurylochus knew he was right. Odysseus would happily kill them all to get home. Ironically they understand each other better than they have in years and in the end it doesn't matter. It never did. And all this pain and suffering was for nothing. And all eurylochus can think as lighting crashes down around them is he knew it. And he should have killed his brother when he had the chance. Maybe then they would have been free of their cursed fate.

[artofkhaos404]

The songs that vent about toxic people that you've cut out of your life? The lyrics that express how little you care for the ex, friend, parent, etc that screwed you over? Those songs hurt to sing. They hurt because...

You may be apathetic towards that person now, but you once cared so, so much... and look where it got you. Look how much your emotion towards that person was respected. It's a funeral march for what you loved and lost.

Never push a loyal person to the point where they don't care for you anymore.

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

[chatdae]

The Great Gatsby (1974) au where Gatsby doesn't die and instead Nick takes on the no-paying job of trying to get Jay to move on from Daisy.

Bad ending is Gatsby never does & he and the Buchanans become a never-ending shitshow. Good ending is Jay moves on. Super special bonus ending is Jay and Nick fall in love (toxicity optional)

[starfall-spirit]

Helloo first of all absolutely very excited and thrilled for whatever WIPs you've got rattling in your head

Secondly I saw your post about worrying a lil bit about writing ddlg now and I just wanted to say

HOLY SHIT TWO CAKES

(aka we would be thrilled to have more ddlg)

Thirdly what does the "why choose" part mean, please? Never heard of that particular trope 🥺

STOP you're so sweet. I'm super excited about my event WIPs too.

My hope for the trope obviously is for it to grow, as I was saying in the comments of the first ask. Canon Feysand dynamic has so much potential to twist around with the tropes the dark fic/daddy fic gals have been playing with. Still, some people get butthurt and that can't be avoided.

Why choose is just a term for polyships, normally three or four people. Since Remember Me? isn't going anywhere—forgive me @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship, I tried—I'm bringing Feysand x Ruhn back to life with baby daddy Ruhn and daddy dom Rhys who just happen to know each other what are the odds? I know pregnancy fics can be a flop, but with the breeding kink fics going around lately...

[theclearblue]

There's something so beautiful about Pudding's story where you see her get blatantly mocked and insulted by her own mother, and seeing her internalize it so deeply by having this alternate persona of someone who is creepy and mean and also wants to tear other people down because that's all she knows!! But when Sanji shows genuine and true kindness to her for the first time about her third eye she doesn't know how to handle it at all, trying constantly to keep her facade of being "crazy" up but it keeps shattering in the face of Sanji's kindness to her. The way she just goes back to being a normal teenage girl instead of shaping herself around the insecurities her mother gave to her and learning how to receive and give kindness back to others. The way that she grows throughout Whole Cake Island is so amazing I'm so emotional over it.

[stacys-mom-has-got-it-goin-on]

Sometimes you don’t see your own abuse until it happens to someone you care about.

[redjadethewriter]

Longing For Love: Complex Trauma Deflects Deep Connection and Love

When I look back on the dream of the “Lady with a Needle” and analyze it today, my abstract mind back then conjured a way to show me the depth to which love had penetrated in my romantic relationships. It may have seemed gruesome or even frightening, the image of love manifesting as piercing wounds on my arm, with the woman inserting a needle directly through and locking both ends to prevent its removal. But then again, many of my life traumas often manifest as wounds on my body in dreams.

In the past, I used to dream about showing someone all the stab wounds and bullet wounds I’ve endured over time. I would confidently take off my shirt and reveal my scars, whether they were freshly opened wounds or partially healed ones. However, learning about C-PTSD has shed light on how this condition affects my ability to connect deeply and allow love to penetrate.

Reflecting on this vivid dream, it’s difficult to ignore being stabbed by a long needle. It has made me realize that most of my relationships never reached such a deep level. They remained mostly surface-level, and some didn’t even pierce at all, instead tearing up my flesh with countless unsuccessful attempts. The most significant instance of this was my marriage, which caused widespread injury.

I have to admit that my life didn’t have good role models for love. I believe that many individuals who engage in introspection eventually will come to the same conclusion. Recalling a scientist’s attempt to study love through brain activity, they observed that regions of the brain associated with familiarity and novelty would illuminate.

Personally, I approach theories and studies from science enthusiasts with caution. While they may be logical and backed by numbers, graphs, and figures, I believe it is important to balance this understanding that we cannot fully comprehend human emotions. One theory, for example, suggests that familiarity and novelty are the basis of love, solely based on brain scans. If this is true, it is crucial to warn people about their modeled figures, may influence their attraction to certain people and relationships. Unfortunately, that’s their parents or caregivers. However, this concerns me because it raises questions about the context of familiarity and novelty. If a person’s parental figure was abusive or narcissistic, or the relationship displayed destructive behaviors, their children may subconsciously or unconsciously follow a similar path in choosing partners. The question then becomes, how do we change this pattern? If someone did not have exposure to a healthy form of love or a healthy relationship model, they would likely continue in a similar cycle. This is why I engage in self-reflection, as I strive to break free from this cycle. It is disheartening to see that some individuals should have ended their romantic relationships long ago because of incompatibility, without realizing the detrimental impact it would have on their children, who are the most vulnerable in their lives.

I have personally witnessed a disturbing trend among my blood relatives and their children, particularly their young sons. Even before reaching the age of 10, these boys are showing signs of bitterness towards women. This is not something to be taken lightly or ignored, as the younger generation is bearing the brunt of it. They are incredibly depressed and lonely. While many people blame millennials for societal issues, the truth is that generations before them, such as gen-x and boomers, along with their parents, are responsible as well. This is a generational issue that continues to repeat itself, with a common underlying theme: bad parenting, a lack of healthy examples of love, and the suppression of a child’s natural inclination to explore and discover themselves, including their emotions. Rather than allowing children to embrace their true selves, adults often punish or ostracize them for deviating from societal gender norms and other human devised structures that gatekeep individuals.

***sigh***

Clustering people under two categories of traits is not beneficial to anyone. For example, I may appear tomboyish, but I actually give off more mommy vibes. I admit I emanate more yin energy than yang. Interestingly, I’ve seen even the most girly of ladies give off daddy vibes. I use these terms because I may have watched too much Thai GL. Furthermore, in all my past relationships, my partners have exhibited more yang traits, and I have no clue how that happened. There seems to be truth to the idea of magnetism drawing in your opposite in romantic relationships. But the point I’m making is, so what if someone prefers to exist in a certain way? All couples work differently to coexist. It’s about whatever brings joy and fulfillment.

But let’s refocus on the main topic…

Or not…

It saddens me to see how conditioned behaviors constantly oppress our individual human nature, or even have someone dictate our human nature based on extremely biased perspectives and not consider the nurture aspect of it. It almost seems like society wants to avoid accountability for the shitshow that they have created, but that’s just my assumption.

When I observe people ending up in abusive relationships or other unhealthy circumstances, I can’t help but question the root cause. Unfortunately, it falls on the parents’ shoulders, yet they too are victims of the same circumstances, lacking healthy love and healthy parenting role models. Recognizing this vicious cycle is crucial, and it’s up to me to take accountability and start the steps for change. I have come to accept that breaking this cycle will largely be my responsibility for my lineage. I don’t expect my parental figures to take any accountability; this is about my life and salvaging whatever quality I can find to allow deep love into it.

I yearn to learn and experience what healthy love truly is, even if I have to draw from the experiences of others who also struggle with this issue. I’ve realized that love is not transactional. It’s also a fundamental part of who I am and what I desire, buried beneath layers of darkness. However, I am not desperate to seek it out, as I have learned firsthand that nothing good comes from desperation. Instead, I strive to maintain a steady mind and unwavering determination to have patience and find a romantic partner who truly aligns with my desires and values. I firmly believe that time and age should not dictate when I will meet that person, as many individuals find their soulmates or life partners later in life, often after going through many divorces or even having children in the process.

After learning this and reflecting on it, I’ve realized that if I’m going to invest my energy in someone, it needs to be in a relationship that is truly worth it. I want to build something meaningful with a solid foundation. So, when I had that dream where someone deeply connects with me and commits to both ends, it confirms to me that this person, or even myself, desires that level of commitment and will put in the effort. Even though I was initially hesitant in the dream, it turned out to be beneficial because that person genuinely cared about my well-being. They wanted to ensure I felt secure and safe. It’s comforting to think about having someone who has my back and maybe feel safe enough with them to let down my defenses.

However, I’ll conclude this rant by saying, “genuine love is not crazy.” That’s just settling for bullshit. Actually, it’s called attachment and abandonment issues.

Shit… I have a lot to work on.

Thank you.

[ruminate88]

“Sometimes losing a toxic relationship is not just losing that person you thought you loved but also losing a part of you that’s no good for you. It’s going to be painful but it’s shedding a layer off of you that needs to go.”

[peachy-kenn]

I go to the kuroshitsuji tag and I'm swiftly reminded why 13 yr old me avoided other kuroshitsuji fans like the plague

[cecilialisbon]

we can all agree that the clique series was queer correct

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]