#honestly totally something i need when i start applying again

[anthonys237thfreckle]

‘Promise’ - Javier ‘Javi’ x Kate Carter & F! reader (angst!)

someone asked for a part two and I realized how good of an idea that was lmao. I need indirect ways to incorporate my past experiences into my fics anyway.

part one

prompt: you made a promise to distance yourself from Javi and Kate

TW: mentions of smoking, some detailed mention of self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of nausea, disordered eating, breakdowns, smoking, angst :(

Do NOT proceed if the triggers mentioned above upset you greatly. You have been warned.

I made a promise

To distance myself

Once Tyler dropped you off to the train station, you smiled and waved until you couldn’t see his truck anymore. You wanted to hang onto any last string of familiarity for as long as you could.

Especially since your life would change completely - for better or worse.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to calm down your trembling body.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

5 things you see - the train station, the crumbling yellow bricks, the jolly red-white-blue american flag, your luggage, and the people. Lots of people.

4 things you hear - the people, obviously, the cicadas crying, the heavy bell ringing inside, the honking of cars for you to get out of their way.

3 things you smell - the heat - somehow, the smell of smoke from cars, and the thick air.

2 things you feel - terrified. hurt.

1 thing you taste - bitterness.

Shaking your head, you take another deep breath. Eyes dead set on the mission in front of you, you marched into the train station, bought a ticket to Oklahoma City, and settled down inside.

But now was the hardest part; waiting. What made it harder was you didn’t want to think about anything that happened yesterday. So, putting your headphones on, you made a playlist with none of the songs that reminded you of Javi or any of the ones he recommended to you. Essentially, you just listened to 3 songs in total, over and over again, but the knowledge you knew what was coming next was comforting, something you couldn’t apply to your current situation.

Took a flight, through aurora skies

Honestly, I didn't think about

How we didn't say goodbye

Just see you very soon

You woke up when the train jolted to a stop - you had fallen asleep, waking up to hear the opening notes of some song you were listening to earlier. Looking out the window, you reached Oklahoma City. With a sigh of relief and trepidation, you got your bags and headed out of the station, hailed a taxi to the airport. Booking a last minute flight back home to LA, you made your way to the gate. Setting your bag down, you sat in a char near the huge windows. Deciding it wasn’t close enough, you sat on the little raised platform attached to the window and leaned your head against it like you saw so many children do.

The boarding call was announced, and everyone sat up groggily. It all went by pretty quickly. Standing in line, getting your boarding pass stamped and your passport checked, finding you seat, putting your bag away and sitting down. Taxi and take off was a blur; luckily you got a window seat, and stared out at the pink clouds, tinted by the setting sun, a peach tone.

Peachy, just like your favourite pie.

You groaned, covering your eyes and rubbing them as your mind started to think about Oklahoma. About Javi, and the last time he saw you. And the last thing he said to you. It wasn’t even a proper goodbye, but you couldn’t blame him because he didn’t know it was goodbye.

And honestly, neither did you.

But you made yourself a promise - to distance yourself.

Those last words of his echoed in your mind.

“I- Okay, alright. Take care, (Y/N)”

It hurts to be something

It's worse to be nothing with you

You half expected a text from Javi - it had been around 24 hours since you last saw him. Since you told him you had a ‘family emergency’ to take care of. Who wouldn’t expect a little ‘you doing okay?’ or ‘safe travels’ when someone saw you break down in the middle of a field, distressed as hell? Sure, you and Javi weren’t dating, sure you both drifted apart ever since Kate got closer with him instead, but were you two not even friends anymore?

Did you mean nothing to him?

This wasn’t the first time he ghosted you - after the EF5 tornado, he didn’t say a word to you. But it was understandable why - everyone was hurting, and maybe he couldn’t bring himself to talk to you. In Oklahoma, the only times he’d talk to you is when you started a conversation, otherwise you could sit silently and he’d happily talk with Kate, leaving you be. It was never him starting anything.

And Kate. Did she figure out you liked Javi? Is that why she didn’t text you? Did she feel guilty? Part of you wanted her to feel guilty, but the other part of you didn’t want to be pitied. Part of you wanted to go back, but this - this was best for you right now. Nobody could tell you otherwise.

Instead, you got a text from Tyler.

‘hey there cowgirl - how you getting along?’

You chuckled - ‘cowgirl’ was probably the worst way to describe yourself. Instead, you typed down a response, your heart a little less heavy.

‘hey, Tyler. thanks for asking. means a lot’

He was typing, the three dots appearing on screen

‘of course. lemme know if you need anything at all okay? stay safe out there’

You sent him an affirmative text, thankful to actually have a friend who cared enough to check in on you, helping you out without questioning anything, having only known you for a week.

So I didn't call you

For sixteen long days

You found comfort in some form of familiarity in your life; back home in LA, everything looked duller, more still. Like the whole world knew about your heartbreak and was mourning, or mocking you. You tried to plunge into work, distracting yourself but sometimes, you’d just stare at your work, screen or paper, and just zone out. Your was brain still trying to process everything, and you were losing a lot over it - sleep, peace, overall joy, your will to wake up, and more.

It felt like after the EF5 tornado but worse because you knew somewhere in Oklahoma, Kate was with Javi, both of them happier than ever. It felt worse because you could never have him anymore. He was gone. And someone got to see him every day, sometimes wake up next to him, sometimes stay up all night with him. You felt like you were gonna be sick.

For a fortnight, all you could eat was cheese, bread, and grapes. It was the only thing you could keep down.

It was so hard not to text Javi. After you had just left, it’s like you were isolated for 5 years, given a taste of him, then forcing yourself to stay away. It was something you chose to do, not something you were forced to live with.

But you won’t call him. No matter how long the days felt they were dragging by.

And I should get a cigarette

For so much restraint

Walking by a drugstore to entertain yourself, you entered the establishment with an electronic ding notifying your presence. Strolling through the ailes, you picked up Sourhead Extremes (so in case you wanted to call Javi, you’d have to go through a gustatory agony first) and some nail polish, just to look pretty. Walking to the cashier, you mindlessly threw in a pack of cigarettes onto the counter, before putting them back in a jerky motion.

“What the hell…” you murmured to yourself, ashamed of what you were about to do. Buy cigarettes - to smoke.

Walking out of the store briskly, you speed-walked home; chiding yourself for almost ‘rewarding’ your no contact mission by smoking, you realized how truly pathetic you were.

“God, what is wrong with me…” you muttered, keeping your head down, watching the wet streets reflect the light of the sun and your dark sorrow.

No matter how long I resist temptation

I will always lose,

Eventually you did buy the cigarettes. You went home, lounging in your bed, a pretty china plate acting like an ashtray for you. Legs up in the air, swinging occasionally, eyes half lidded from the light high, you felt the chalky smoke fill your lungs, watching it come out in little clouds of grey air.

You felt in control for the first time since leaving Oklahoma - the cigarette sitting pretty between your red tinted fingers and lips. You smiled softly, satisfied by finally scoring a small win. You didn’t tell Tyler that you smoked. He’d say it’s a horrible habit you should give up.

Obviously it was more of a lose - giving into an impulse, and now you were at risk of falling deeper into addiction. You weren’t in control, you never really were.

But why would you make yourself feel worse when you were on the literal brink of crumbling?

Although, you didn’t get addicted. After the high wore off, you felt disgusted, throwing out the pack of almost full cigarettes. You wouldn’t tell Tyler, of course.

It hurts to be something

It’s worse to be nothing with you

Two weeks went by, and though you pretended everything was okay, it really wasn’t. You didn’t know if you missed Javi or not, but you really didn’t want to.

You don’t know if you want to see the face you loved so much, the face that lights up when he sees Kate, the face that Kate holds, kisses, caresses.. the face that she admires alongside you.

You wanted to get over him, you really did, but you cared so much about him. You didn’t want to stop caring about him, when loving him felt so… lovely.

But it hurt so much.

You barely got any sleep this past fortnight. Having a reverie about the man who daydreamed about another woman. The things you wished he did to you, he did to Kate. He was hers. So assured, so confident. No doubt in that.

For a fortnight, there you were, stripped of any text backs from him.

You were starting to think you just wanted his attention, which you dont know if you wanted anymore, knowing his attention belonged to Kate. Why would you care so much about him texting you?

But then again, weren’t you two friends?

I’ve done the math

There’s no solution

We’ll never last

Why can’t I let go of this?

Right now, you, broken, needed comfort. May it be fake hope again. Nobody was there to stop you anyway, so in your free time, you started to think of the ways Kate and Javi would have problems with each other.

‘She’s too arrogant sometimes, and he’s really down to earth’

‘She can’t communicate her feelings!’

‘Kate’s one to settle, Javi isn’t’

Of course, you knew it was wrong. Of course it was a bitchy thing to think. But who were you to care right now?

You were hurt, and you needed to feel better to even try and start to get a grip on reality. you didn’t want to rip of the band aid yet.

Not yet.

Even worse, your mind started thinking of ways you and Javi could get together; Kate could leave him in the dark again, she could get into a fight with him…

But nothing made sense - she wouldn’t leave when she looked at him that way… and any fights would be cleared quickly with Javi’s forgiving nature.

He would do anything for her.

All in all, you realized how shitty you were being, and texted Tyler, saying you couldn’t hide from Javi - couldn’t hide from the pain that haunted you. The bright lights of LA looked dull. The sun felt like a false light.

Your world was falling apart, how could the sun be shining when your world was falling apart?

‘Just walk around. Wear something that makes you feel good. Grab some good lunch downtown. Spoil yourself. Act like a damn tourist, I don’t care. Just do anything that reminds you that there’s more to life than Javi’ he wrote.

So I broke my promise

I called you last night

I shouldn’t have, I wouldn’t have

If it weren’t for the sight of a boy who

Looked just like you standing out on Melrose Avenue…

It hurts to be something

It’s worse to be nothing, with you.

Three days later, you sat on the roof of a building. The sun was setting, you looked at the streets below. People were walking - their dogs, their toddlers, and whatnot.

You were so disappointed with yourself. Closing your eyes, you thought back to everything that happened yesterday.

Following Tyler’s advice, you woke up ready to face the day.

Waking up bright and early, you went for a run, saw some pretty things on the way. You found it insane how easy it was to overlook the small things in life.

Coming home, you made breakfast; oatmeal with bananas, almond butter and chocolate chips. You savoured every bite with a smile.

You hopped into the shower, using your favourite body wash. Putting on an outfit, doing your hair and makeup, slipping on your shoes, you left the house, ready to explore the city…

All was going well until sunset.

—

You were walking along the streets of LA, acting like you’d never seen anything like it before. A coffee in hand, you walked confidently down the path, turning a corner to browse a bookstore on Melrose Avenue, when someone caught your eye.

A boy, waiting for the light signal to turn green, who looked exactly like Javi.

You froze.

Suddenly, you didn’t want coffee any more. You didn’t want anything right now but to go home.

—

You rushed home, trying so hard to control your breathing, then stumbling desperately to your room. As soon as your face crashed against the pillows, the soft, gentle fabric a perfect medium to absorb the tears now flowing down your face. You sobbed, curled into a still-bedazzled ball on your bed, hugging yourself, contracting into a fibonacci.

Reaching for your purse, you pulled out your phone, scrolling through your contacts. Through the wet and blurry lens of your tears, you scrolled into the alphabet until you reached the ‘J’ section. The first name was Javi.

Pressing on his name, then the ‘call’ button, you held it to your ear, taking shuddering breaths as you tried calming yourself down. The your phone cooed like a pigeon, signalling his phone, somewhere in Oklahoma, was ringing.

You were clean. Clean for a little over 2 weeks. Clean from his voice ringing in your ears, new words exchanged and whatnot.

But as you held your phone in your hand, crying, watching it reach Javi’s phone, waiting for him to answer, it all felt like a relapse.

Like the feeling of the cool blade on your skin, slicing through, leaving an angry red river in its wake.

The sick, high feeling you get from it - the ecstasy, watching you destroy yourself, finding beauty in the rubble.

Some part of you, the logical part of you was screaming to press the red button. To leave Javi alone. It wasn’t fair for you to reach out first, right? Why would you make a fool out of yourself by calling him? You’re not that desperate for him, are you?

But the hurt, emotional, desperate part of you didn’t, daring him to answer. Just to remind him of your existence. Just this once.

Still fighting the internal battle, you delved deeper into why he didn’t call you yet.

Did Kate tell him everything? Did she finally find out? Did she realize at all about how hurt you were?

The anger only just started to hit you, claiming your brain as a new population to be corrupted, a new host for the parasite, a new fruit to rot.

You were mad. You didn’t know at who. But you decided you were mad at Kate. For dating him. You knew it was wrong to be mad, because you had no claim over Javi, but you were too deep into your anger to actually think of a better way to cope. Suddenly, you were so mad at Kate. So, so mad. Part of you wanted to tear your house down, scream like a mad woman, but you didn’t. Your dwindling self control kept you in check.

Then came the sadness. You were so mad at Kate, but she was so happy right now. She didn’t care or know how your felt right now. how hurt you felt right now. She had Javi. Her Javi. And they were both happy - oh so happy, oh so blissfully unaware of how you felt right now.

They were happy - they were perfectly fine without you. Because they didn’t need you as a friend, not like they did in college - maybe they didn’t back then either, because they had each other. That’s all they needed. Each other was all they needed.

You were so deep into the crevices of your mind, drowning in both pain and relief, you almost didn’t hear your name drenched in Javi’s voice coming from the speaker.

‘(Y/N)?’

—

follow + stay tuned for part three!!

[estrellami-1]

First Cuts

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“Alright, shithead,” Steve says fondly, rolling his eyes at Eddie. “Get here safe, alright? Over.”

“Can do. Over and out,” Dustin replies smugly.

Steve raises his brows at Eddie, who smirks. “It’s his tone, right?”

Steve laughs. “Always is.”

Robin had just left—something about family obligation that she couldn’t and didn’t actually want to get out of—but Eddie had stayed. Steve can’t deny it makes something burn brightly in his chest, warming up his whole body.

Steve turns to the kitchen, moving to nervously start making something. He wants to tell Dustin, but he’s man enough to admit he’s worried about what Dustin will think.

“Hey, Steve?” Eddie asks, just as he reaches the counter.

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you call me?” His voice is quiet, unsure. “I mean… Robin’s your soulmate, shouldn’t she have been the first person you told?”

Steve sighs and moves to the bar to take a seat. “Maybe,” he admits honestly. “But I called you because you’re a good listener, even when I’m not saying much of anything at all. You know how to read between the lines without going down an anxiety spiral like Robin would. And when I’m already anxious, I don’t need something else anxious to keep me there. And you’re calming. I like having you here.”

“Oh,” Eddie says.

Steve thinks they’re both blushing. He’s not willing to look up at Eddie to find out. “Yeah.”

“You, uh.” Eddie clears his throat. “You can call whenever. If you want. If you’re anxious, or just nervous, or just. Want someone there. You can call me.”

“Thanks,” Steve whispers, and they lapse into silence again.

His fingers start to itch, so he hops down from the stool and moves to open the fridge. “What’re you in the mood for? Sandwich?”

“Sure,” Eddie says, and it feels like an olive branch. “You know what I like.”

Dustin arrives not too much later, dumping his bike on the lawn and barging into the house and nosing around things that aren’t his. “Hey, dipshit,” Steve calls, hands covered in mayonnaise, “nose outta my stuff! Come get a sandwich.”

“Ooh,” Dustin calls back, “Turkey and mayo?”

“And mustard, you heathen,” Steve fires back. “Come and get it.”

No response. A minute later he walks in slowly, looking at a sheet of paper. “Uh. Steve?”

Steve hums, looks at him, and freezes before consciously exhaling, long and slow. “Yeah. That’s why I called you over here.” He wipes his hands on a towel, rounds the counter to Dustin. “I applied a while ago, didn’t think anything of it. But it’s…” he pauses, isn’t sure he can do it. Glances at Eddie, sees his encouraging nod, and takes a breath. “It’s a cosmetology school. I wanna do hair.”

Dustin’s silent for another long minute. Steve and Eddie are eyeing each other, unsure if this is a good or bad reaction. Finally, “Huh,” he says. “Okay, yeah, that makes total sense. I just don’t know how I missed it.”

Steve takes a breath. “Not everything’s about you, kid,” he says affectionately, rubbing his hair and stealing his acceptance letter back. “So, you think I can do it?”

“Well, you’re great with hair,” Dustin reasons. “You helped me with mine for the Snow Ball. And yours always looks great. And it’s actually noticeable when Robin lets you do hers. And you actually do like people, when they’re not being idiots, and you get to talk to people all day too. So yeah, I think this is kinda perfect for you, Steve.”

“Oh,” Steve says, blinking at Eddie, wide-eyed. He can tell by Eddie’s expression that neither of them had expected that. “Well,” he says, voice tight, and pulls Dustin into a side hug. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Permanent Taglist: @justforthedead89 @ilovecupcakesandtea @madigoround @bookbinderbitch @suddenlyinlove @nburkhardt @artiststarme @paintsplatteredandimperfect @i-less-than-three-you @alyelf @quarble @messrs-weasley @littlewildflowerkitten @vankaar @starman-jpg @bornonthesavage @steddie-there @goodolefashionedloverboi @mischivarien @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @platinum-sunset @just-ladyme @steddiestains @swimmingbirdrunningrock @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @martinskis-lydias @notaqueenakhaleesi @sleepyboosstuff @bestwifehaver @m-owo-n @thatonebadideapanda @finalmoondragon @velocitytimes2 @callmeanythjing @ajeff855 @ilikeititspretty @knitsforthetrail @sillysparrow @that-one-corvid @ace-is-bored @muricel @harpymoth @weirdandabsurd42

Fic Taglist: @wonderland-girl143-blog @gloomysoup @finntheehumaneater @lydslove

[lulublack90]

Prompt 22 - Roommate AU

@wolfstarmicrofic April 22, word count 938

CW - Pandora jokes about Remus getting murdered and dismembered.

Moving countries was scary. Moving to the capital city seemed scarier. Remus left his childhood home in the Welsh countryside and clambered onto the bus that would take him to London. 

He’d wanted to move for years but had always been too scared. His parents had instilled in him how dangerous it would be for him not to know anyone for hundreds of miles.

One morning, while he was munching on his cornflakes, he noticed an ad in his father’s newspaper. 

‘Roommate Wanted!

All bills are paid. Just pay for your own food. 

Sexy, well-bred male looking for a friend/companion to share a house in a highly sought-after area of London.

Please use the number below to apply. Please, serious enquiries only. No, this is not a joke.

P.S. Must love Bowie, or we’re not going to get along.’

Remus quickly put his breakfast things away and, grabbing his phone, fled outside, typing the number into his phone as he went. 

He settled under his favourite tree and pressed call.

“Hello,” A husky voice answered. 

“Oi, hi. My name is Remus Lupin, and I—” He started to explain. 

“Look, mate. I don’t know what you’re selling, but calling me at this ungodly hour is unacceptable. Goodbye.”

“Wait- wait. I’m not selling anything. I’m phoning about your ad!” Remus hurriedly spoke before the man could hang up. 

“Oh, in that case. Hello, I’m Sirius.” Sirius suddenly sounded a lot more cheerful. “So why do you want to be my roommate?”

“Well, erm. I’ve always wanted to move to London, but I’ve been a bit worried about living there on my own.” He told Sirius, deciding the truth would be best. 

“Uhuh, uhuh. Anything else?” Sirius sounded a bit bored. Remus knew he was screwing this up.

“I’m clean and tidy and don’t make much noise. I have enough money saved to pay my way—” Sirius cut him off again. 

“All the bills are paid for. You only need to get yourself food.” Remus nodded even though Sirius couldn’t see him.

“Oh, right. I wasn’t sure if that bit was true. Erm, I don’t have a job yet, but I’ll start looking straight away.”

“Remus, I’m gonna stop you there. I don’t think we’re going to be a good fit. I can already tell you are the complete opposite of me. No offence, but you sound like you go to bed early and like nothing more than to sit by the fire drinking hot chocolate and reading a good book.” Sirius said honestly. He wasn’t wrong. What Sirius had just described was his usual evening routine. He had to think of something compelling to change Sirius’s mind. 

“I have every David Bowie vinyl.” He blurted out. 

“Really?” Sirius sounded excited now. 

“Yeah, yeah, and I don’t know how you feel about T. Rex, but I have all there’s as well, and Led Zeppelin and loads of others.” All he could hear was the slight buzzing from the phones as the line went silent. 

“Alright, Remus Lupin, you’ve twisted my leg. You’re the only person who’s called so far that I’ve actually managed to tolerate for more than ten seconds. So, let’s give it a go. When can you move in?” Remus sat there in shock. 

“Really? You want me?” 

“Sure, why not? The room’s all set up just need to bring some clothes and whatnot. I’ll text you the address, and you can let me know when you want to come. If you find it’s not for you, you can move out whenever you like. That sound okay?” Sirius spoke quickly, but Remus managed to make out all the words. 

“Sounds brilliant. I’ll make arrangements and then give you a date.”

“Grand. Oh, and Remus, I really hope it works out.” With that, Sirius hung up, and Remus was left reeling.

“Oh, you’re totally getting murdered.” Pandora, his best friend, snorted when he told her he was moving to London and what the ad had said. 

“No, I’m not. Sirius seems really nice.”

“Oh, sweet baby, you are so getting chopped into little bits and placed around London to look like a smiley face or something.” She’d clapped her hands together and jumped up and down on the spot. 

“Gee, thanks, Pan. Love the confidence there.” He rolled his eyes and pushed down the panic that her words could actually turn out to be very true. 

The bus was packed with holidayers, commuters and everything in between. Remus was glad of his noise-cancelling headphones and his favourite book. In a couple of hours, he’d be starting his new life. Everything he owned was in the compartment under the bus and was surprisingly little. 

London was busier than he had ever imagined, coming from a tiny village. The noise and smells were overpowering. He got the tube from Victoria next to the coach station and rode it up to Islington. 

He followed Sirius’s directions through a beautiful, tidy neighbourhood. Remus walked past a picturesque park and found the house. Number 12 Grimmauld Place loomed above him. It was far grander than he’d imagined. He walked up the front steps and used the heavy serpentine brass knocker. It thudded loudly against the wooden door. He heard scrabbling on the other side before a heavy lock clunked, and the door swung open to reveal the most beautiful man Remus had ever seen, flipping his long black hair out of his face.

“Remus?!” Sirius exclaimed joyfully. Oh boy, Remus was in trouble. He reached his hand out and shook Sirius’s before following him into the house, closing the heavy door behind him.  

[dearweirdme]

Whoops I feel like I invited a bunch of nasties through my coworker ask 🫠

Hi anon!

😂... Oh, your summoning worked alright! I don't think you need three guesses to know who went and send me a long essay again while I was asleep.

Rest assured... they are not disappointed with you: You know I am not even disappointed at your anon for writing this but I am disappointed at you for posting this because at your age you should know better. At your age, you should know that none of these things that this obviously ignorant anon has written is how real relationships work and me mentioning your age isn’t me insulting you cuz it is a blessing to see 40 but after being alive for over 4 decades, it is kind of disappointing that you know little to nothing about life.

I guess a sense of humor isn't one of their personality traits. They proceeded going into detail why those takes are wrong 🙄.

Then they literally broke my mind! I did not want to post their ask (because jawn boring for the most part and also.. again trying to use my platform whilst being rude to me), but this just totally fried my brain... remember, this is a Jkkr talking!

It’s kind of funny to me that you are the one who is always yapping about the korean culture and what that means for queer people whenever anons on ur blog bring up certain moments which didn’t make sense with taekook. You talk about the the dangers queer people are in and how they feel a need to protect themselves and yada yada yada yet you think that these same people while being in public, in the midst of thousands of fans and cameras like at the Harry styles concert or Yoongi’s concert in korea, would openly display their affection towards each other by holding each other while singing romantic songs, sticking close to each other, wispering to each other and all. So are these queer people not afraid of how they may come across to the thousands of fans who are focused on them then? When people complained about that awkward hug that taekook shared on Jin’s discharge, didn’t you start with your long speech about the korean culture and queer people and how taekook had to be cautious because they knew they were being filmed? So they only had to be cautious then but then openly show their affection to each other by touching each other, hugging each other, whispering to each other while they are at crowded concerts with koreans? The same koreans? Rain, you are short sighted as hell. Besides, the way your anon describes the way they think Jk treated Jimin at that concert shows how ignorant they are because in the real world, people don’t feel the need to stick to their partners like that all the time and they definitely wouldn’t ignore their friends or coworkers just because their partner is there. That is a very childish way of looking at things and if you were honest with urself and applied the logic of how you think the korean culture affects how queer people in relationships behave with each other in public settings, then maybe, just maybe you would understand why Jk was all cozy with Tae at Harry Styles concert but it was Jimin whom he spent all his time with in private and maybe you would also see how your own words about queer people in korea go against taekook. Y’all must think this is some drama or something where those who are in love can’t keep their hands of each other IN PUBLIC. The way Jk behaves with Taehyung in public shows more than anything that those two don’t have anything to hide or would you say they can be that way in public but have to lie about not being with each other at certain moments because they have to hide their relationship?

Had this come from a neutral perspective and asking for my thoughts on this.. I'd been happy to explain (and it's honestly not that complicated), but imagine a Jkkr saying this to a Tkkr. A Jkkr who then later goes on to do what they always do...

I also don’t see you or any of your anons asking why during HS concert, Jimin and Jungkook “disappeared” together for almost 20 minutes.

Now who wants to take on bets as to whether they meant Jk and Jm were going to actually use the toilets... or -insert sexual behavior-...

So yeah... thanks for letting me rant again 😂. I'm not going to be posting Jkkrs for a while. Back to Tkk pics it is.

[seokjins-luigi]

i hate everything about you | pt. 2 | pjm

・pairing: ex!jimin x ex!f!reader

・genre: exes to ? | angst | smut

18+

・word count: 4.2k

・summary: accidentally, you bump into your ex who, mind you, previously cheated on you. so you're 99% sure the only feeling you have left for him is sheer hate. but the 1% leaves you questioning.

・banner: by the amazing @/kookdiaries

・A/N: i'm very sorry for making you wait for so long ): but finally, here's part 2 of this story. i wanna thank everyone for the amazing feedback 💜

again: here's a playlist for y'all to play as you read it, if you want to hehe

as always, thank you to my soulmate @primadonnasdream for helping me build my stories. hope you guys enjoy the reading :))

if you wanna be added to any of my taglists, just leave a comment here. feedback is always appreciated, sweeties 💜

・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn

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You like to think of yourself as a not complicated type of person. Most of the time, you’re logic-oriented, try not jumping into conclusions and, above all else, you don’t waste your precious time obsessing over things that are outside of your control. 

This has been working for your chill personality for your entire life just fine, but when it comes to Park Jimin, none of it applies to you. 

Today, you wake up feeling extremely tired after the awful night of sleep you obviously had. Unfortunately, you couldn’t think about anything else other than fucking Park Jimin. The things he had said kept replaying in your mind in a never ending loop. Totally obsessing over it and this is so unlike you, it hurts. 

You watched the dark shades of the night turn into the golden shades of the morning through the thin curtains of your bedroom window. What did he mean when he asked you if you still had no idea? Was he trying to manipulate you or was there something you really didn’t know about the situation?

As much as you keep trying to convince yourself that you don’t want to dig into it, you know that you very much want to dig into it. You nor only just want, you need to. If anything, it’ll give you closure. Although it sounds bizarre and you honestly didn’t have the faintest idea of what this could be about, it really felt like some part of Jimin was being honest.

“I wanna tell you everything”, he actually said that. Maybe there is something to be told. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking, maybe you are only falling under his spell all over again. But the fact that you were the one who did not let him speak last night is eating you alive, now you’re anxious and nervous and it’s all your own fault.

You were just sure things could not go on like this, because it was starting to affect your work. You kept losing focus on your meetings with clients, forgetting about important tasks or overlooking details that should not be overlooked. This is where you draw the line. You can’t allow Jimin’s influence in your life to go this far. One time was enough, you can’t allow him to mess with your head again. 

After pondering about it for hours, you decide to go looking for him. You know the only way out of this spiraling mode you’re in right now is to have an honest and thorough conversation with Jimin, because you deserve to know the truth. 

When you arrive at the bar, the place Jungkook took you last night, you see Jimin’s car parked nearby. It was almost exactly six o’clock and you’re sure he had arrived at work already, he’s always been a responsible guy. Luckily, as if destiny was giving you a hand, not even a minute later you see the glass door of the bar being opened and a second later Jimin passes through. 

You see your ex heading towards his car, he doesn’t seem to have seen you across the street. You hesitate for a second, but you force yourself to go to him. 

Each step you take in his direction makes you want to just run away as fast as you can, almost as if you can’t take the anticipation. You need this. You need closure. You can do this, Y/n.

As you got near, you saw him looking for something in the glove compartment, still unaware of your presence. You take a deep breath and call his name.

“Jimin?” You’re surprised with how confident you sounded. 

He snapped his head in your direction, confusion stamped all over his face.

“Y/n?” He furrowed his eyebrows, turning to you as he spoke. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” You looked him in the eyes and he returned the deepness of your own. “Please?”

“Y/n, about last night… I’m really sorry. I was drunk, I shouldn’t have gone there and bothered you with my shit”.

“I can forgive you for last night if you tell me the whole story”, he looked down to his feet before you could finish the sentence, breaking eye contact with you. “Jimin-ssi, I deserve to know”.

He turns his back, delicately closing the door of his car. He, then, turns back to you, finally looking into your eyes once again, the surprise from his eyes is gone and you’re not sure of what you see there. 

“All I can say is I’m sorry for last night, but”, he leans and rests his body against his car, displaying an annoyingly nonchalant expression on his fucking face as he shrugs. “There’s nothing to tell”.

At this moment you remember why you hate his ass. It’s ridiculous how he can look you straight in the eyes and lie to you after the scene he pulled hours ago in your house. 

You take a deep, frustrated breath.

“Fucking bullshit! Thanks for reminding me how much of an asshole you are, Jimin. I almost forgot”, you smile dryly. “I hope next time you drink, you don't show up at my doorstep whining again, ok? Next time I’ll call the fucking police”.

With a smirk, he declares. “There'll be no next time, Y/n. Rest assured”.

“Well, praise the lord, huh?” You reply in a sharp tone, not allowing him to say his piece. “I regret every single tear I’ve wasted on you. You… You were the worst mistake I’ve ever made”.

He glares at you with contempt plastered all over his face, his plump lips tightened as his brows rose. You wish punching people in the face didn’t cause as much trouble as it does, because you can swear to all gods that have ever existed that the only thing you want at this moment is to punch this expression off his face. 

“Say that again”, he challenges you, brows still in the same position as before, with a darker shade of brown on his eyes.

You refuse to give him the satisfaction. 

“You’re not deaf”, now you’re the one who answers challengingly, raising your own brows as you try to speak calmly. “Next time we bump into each other, do me the favor of pretending you don’t know me”.

You turn your back to him and march back to your own car, hating yourself for dragging your ass all the way to this fucking bar again, only to have him mock you. You rush back into your car, knowing fully well that there’s a big chance that Jimin’s still observing you, so you can’t allow yourself to cry. You were not even sad, you’re genuinely pissed, but unfortunately you’re an angry crier. 

You could run over him if it wasn’t a crime. As you are about to connect the keys to the ignition, you hear a soft knock on your window and you just know it’s him. Rolling your eyes, you turn your head in Jimin’s direction and he gestures, asking you to roll your window down.

You do as he says and hiss impatiently. “What?”

“One last fuck and we’ll forget about each other”, he licks his lips in an obvious attempt to make you feel something.

Unfortunately, you do. But fortunately, you’re pretty good at hiding your emotions when you really want to. So you just throw your head back and let out a very ironic laughter. 

“What’s so funny, Y/n?” He asks you, with a piercing look in his dark eyes, tilting his head to the side slightly. 

“I just told you you were the worst mistake I’ve made, man…” You let out another laugh, less energetically. “Are you into degradation now? I’m not really into that kind of kink, sorry”.

“Oh, come on, Y/n. You fucking love angry sex”, he declared in a lower tone, with a raspy voice that he knows makes you feel things. 

He has a point, you do love angry sex. As you keep silent, Jimin continues.

“Let me take you to my place, it’s just around the corner…” his eyes focus on your lips as he speaks. “Let me fuck you, until you forget why you’re mad at me. You know how good I am… Just this one last time, then you can go back to pretending I don’t exist”.

You do know how good he is. You hate to admit, even if it’s just to yourself, but he’s more than good. Your sex life with Jimin has always been great, actually, that’s why you got even more hurt when he cheated. You used to think you were enough for him, that you satisfied him as much as he did to you. Apparently not. And that broke your confidence and self esteem in a way that you’re still trying to recover.

You’re pissed at him, but you can’t deny that you’re still insanely attracted to this motherfucker, regardless of your history. Your mind desperately says no, but your but urges you to say yes.

“Why would I say yes to this ridiculous proposition?” You scoff, trying to mask the fact that this is you already starting to give in.

“Simply because you know you want me to fuck you”, he declares with a knowing smirk.

The way he’s looking at you right now is definitely not helping you to stay focused on maintaining your sense of dignity. His plump lips slightly parted, forming a deliciously attractive dirty grin, his eyes intensely glued onto your own lips as he waits for your answer. You can’t deny how magnetic he feels.

He leans further in your direction, cupping your face with one of his hands, running his thumb over your mouth. You are simply unable to stop yourself from delicately parting your lips, taking his thumb between them and sucking it softly. He lets out a heavy breath, locking his dark eyes with you as your skilled tongue runs along his finger.

“Let’s go, babe”, he almost begged this time.

He didn’t have to ask you again, unfortunately. He opened your car door and next thing you knew, he was dragging you up the stairs of his building until you saw yourself inside his small apartment. 

As soon as you were inside, he pushed you against the front door and started kissing you hungrily. Just like the last kiss inside your place last night, it feels like Jimin is hungry for you, it feels like he can devour you right then and there. His tongue tastes yours with desperation, making it difficult for you to breathe. One of his hands lands beside your head, on the door, and the other travels up your body, from your waist to your boobs. 

The kiss is messy and intense, not only for him, but for you too, your mind can’t seem to focus on anything other than Jimin. It feels like time and space aren’t real when you’re with him, just like it was then. 

Reaching for the hem of his shirt, you tug it in order to get rid of it as quickly as possible, getting rid of yours in the middle of the way too. 

“You missed this, didn't you?” Jimin places your hand on his abs as he whispers with a cocky grin.

“I think you missed these much more”, you reply with the same amount of cockyness as him, guiding his hands to your boobs.

“Oh, I fucking did”, he whispers again, mouth already glued to your neck as he kneads your breasts.

In the back of your mind, a little annoying voice tries to warn you, saying you will regret this later. But, honestly, who gives a fuck? Life’s hard enough for you to worry about future regrets. You’ll hate yourself for fucking Jimin when the times comes, right now, all you want to focus is on his devious tongue and the crazily good patterns it’s drawing all over your neck. You’re so lost into Jimin’s magic that you don’t even realize you let a moan escape your lips driving your ex even more mad.

His mouth is back on yours and he pushes you towards the couch sitting in the corner of his small living room, throwing you carelessly against it. His tongue is already pushing his way between your lips, you close your eyes, focusing only on the intensity of Jimin’s kiss. It feels like you’re back to the beginning of everything, this kiss feels like what it felt like kissing Jimin for the first time. The passion is still there and you will deal with it later.

“Let’s get rid of this, shall we?” He asks you, pulling the strap of your bra down, almost not waiting for your nod of approval. 

You both sloppily get rid of the rest of your clothes, tossing them carelessly on the floor of your ex’s living room. Next thing you knew, he had two fingers in you and your nipple in his mouth. He sucked and licked your nipples in a passion that had you gasping and his fingers were bent inside your thoroughly wet pussy. He knows exactly what he’s doing with his fingers and his mouth, he knows exactly how you like it and that’s why it feels so good. Being with someone who knows you and what you like is so much better than spending the night in a stranger's bed like in the countless one-night stands you’ve had the past few months.

“You’re so fucking wet right now, babe… It’s ridiculous how much you want me to fuck you, huh?” He teases you, lips brushing lightly against your already sensitive nipple as he speaks.

You let out a loud moan this time, staring back at his intense black eyes, and nod. 

“I do, Ji”, in a distressed attempt for grounding, you scratch his back with your nails, not minding if it’ll leave him marked or not. He gasps and you continue. 

“Please, just fuck me, Ji-”.

“Of course, babe, anything you ask”, he cuts you mid sentence.

He pulled his fingers out of you and, before you could whine about it, he shut you up with another messy kiss, but also full of desire. Without breaking the kiss, he lifted both your bodies up, switching places with you on the couch. He positioned himself between your legs, making the tip of his cock touch your wet and throbbing folds.

“Rid me, Y/n”, he asks you, half tenderly, half assertive. “Show me how much you miss me”.

You felt something inside you shake. This is so fucking wrong.

But without thinking too much about it, you let your weight down on his cock, feeling the delicious stretch all at once. Both of your breaths falter, basking in the divine sensation of him being inside you. 

Your hips started moving on their own, as the pleasure started to consume your mind completely. You had your eyes on Jimin’s beautiful face, now fully taken over by lust, darkening his features in an irresistible way. His plump lips parted and he moaned, making you forget completely about everything else around you. 

Your movements were starting to become desperate, feeling the way his cock fills you up completely, as he tries to pick up your speed with his own skillful hips. Both of you were loudly showing how good you can give it to each other.

His hand travels up your body, as he lifts his upper body to reach the back of your neck. He sticks his tongue out and licks the side of your neck, the warm and moist sensation makes you close your eyes instantly. 

“If you don’t take it slow, I won’t last much longer, babe…” He whispers, as he grasps your hair tightly. “Can I take over now?”

You hum. You love being in control, but you love it even more when Jimin is in control. He instantly switches positions with you, thrusting hard the moment your back touches the couch, in a slower, but deeper pace compared to how you were riding his cock just now. 

The intensity of his thrusts have you clenching around his cock. Shaky breaths leave both of your lips, both of you too focused on the ecstatic feeling of being together. The sounds of your wet pussy being snapped against his cock, his balls slapping against your naked ass mixed with your moans and pants.

“I could…” He thrusts you one more time, deeper than before. “Fuck this pussy forever”.

You feel your walls clenching tighter around his cock, not missing a single inch of his length being pushed inside of you. 

“Look how… how good you take it, babe”, he groans in your ear with his cock buried deep inside of you.

You feel his cock twitch and another moan escapes his parted lips. You’re both almost out of breath. You know he won’t last much longer now if he continues to hammer you in this intensity. Your body tingles with pleasure with every single thrust of his hips.

At this point, you’re just a moany mess. Your heart is racing and in every pump you can feel the adrenaline flowing through your veins. Jimin’s thrusts start to become desperate and out of pace, while you can feel the burning sensation building in your lower stomach. 

One of your hands travels to your clit, your head snaps back when your fingers finally touch your throbbing sex, feeling the divine sensation spreading throughout your body. Jimin replaces your fingers with his own, with a cocky grin hanging on his swollen lips.

“Fucking slut, look at you…” Moving  his fingers in circular patterns as he pants and thrusts and gazes at you with his dark, lusty eyes. “You still like it messy, huh?”

“Ye-”.

Before you could finish, the electric sensation takes over your whole body and all you can focus on is the pleasure taking over you. You whimper as the orgasm spreads through your veins, screaming Jimin’s name. Clenching even harder around his dick as your pussy spilt out your juices all over his twitching cock. 

He bites your shoulder and you feel like he’s on the brim of cuming too.

“Ji, I- I want you to fill me up”, you whispered in between your pants. “I want it all”.

“Y-Yeah?” You know he’s struggling to hold back by the sound of his shaky, low pitched voice. “Are you gonna take all of it like the good girl that you are, babe?”

You want him so bad. You want to feel everything you missed out on in the last months away from him. 

“I will, Ji, please”, you looked at him, eyes pleading as you gave yourself completely to him. Once again. 

He thrusted deep inside of your pussy one last time, allowing his orgasm to take over him and cuming deep inside of you, painting your clenching walls white. Both of you are too out of breath to move, so you just take your time breathing and trying to recompose yourselves before Jimin pulls out of you. Sweat covering both of your naked bodies on a weekday afternoon. 

You closed your eyes, feeling the tiredness and soreness, but also the delightfulness and the lingering sensation of pleasure. This motherfucker was right, what you two have is not easy to find. This chemistry.

You open your eyes when you feel Jimin’s body weight being lifted up from yours. You take your time looking at him and he is still just as beautiful as you remember. Not just hot, that’s obvious. But he’s also beautiful like very few men in the world are.

He sees you’re staring and smiles cockily. 

“Too handsome, huh?” 

“Unfortunately, I have to agree”, you roll your eyes, almost playfully. 

He laughs softly and throws himself on you again, laying his head between your breasts and hugging you. It’s ridiculous to admit, but it just feels right. 

Both of you remain silent. The only thing that can be heard are both of you trying to catch your breaths, but you don’t even pay attention to that. You’re nervous. There are so many questions you wanna ask and even though this feels right at this moment, this man made you suffer like hell not so long ago. 

“Ugh, I don’t wanna get up”, he declares in a lazy voice, his face still between your breasts. “You almost make me want to miss work”.

You sigh. This is too much, too domestic, too nostalgic, but you want to be right here, exactly like you are, in his arms. All the things he said to you yesterday flash through your mind. How he said he missed you, how he begged for you two to talk and you refused to listen. You were hurting so much you couldn’t see through the pain and resentment. 

“I’ve missed this”, you finally confess in a whisper.

But you’re sure he could hear you, because his arms closed even tighter around you.

“Me too, babe”, he murmurs the answer. 

Your hand travels up to his silky hair, running your hands through his locks. You’re not sure how long you just stay together like that, enjoying each other’s existence silently, but you finally break the silence.

“We still have a lot to talk about, don't we?”

He lifts his head to look you in the eyes. “Do we?”

“You think we don’t?” The protesting tone was clear as you voiced the question, specially because you didn't find anything genuine in his eyes when he asked you that question.

“We don’t”, he averts his gaze, laying his head almost between the crook of your neck and your shoulder.

“Jimin, look at me…” You try to sound as firm as possible, but it sounds more like a plea than a command.

“Baby… Just- Let’s not do this”, he whispers. “I can’t”.

You lift your body with your elbows so you could look at him, making him untie his arms around you and sit as well.

“What do you mean, Jimin-ssi?” You try again, speaking slowly so your nerves don't get the best of you. 

You don’t want to believe that this is true. He can’t treat you like you’re some random booty call.

“Hey!” He tries giving you an obviously empty smile. “What happened to Ji? I prefer when you call me Ji”.

Also sitting up, bending your legs in order not to touch his anymore. The way he’s speaking to you right now, the way he’s looking at you with empty eyes and an empty smile. You know where this is going and you feel sick to your stomach with the idea that you allowed Jimin to get in your head again and, once more, you end up hurt.

“And I prefer when you tell me the truth!” You raise your voice now, trying to find on his face any signs that you might be wrong.

“I thought I had made myself clear when I said I have nothing to tell you”, he states firmly, averting his gaze from yours. “I have already asked you to forget about this”.

You feel a huge lump in your throat, trying your best not to allow the tears to form in the corner of your eyes. You are not crying in front of Park Jimin ever again. You refuse. Even though it hurts just like it hurted before, you’ll save your tears for another time.

“Really? After fucking me, you’re just gonna ask me to get the fuck out of your life like nothing happened?” 

You watch his face contort, like he was profoundly thinking about what to say next. You suddenly see his expression change and you know this is his sassy snarky side taking over, nothing serious comes out of him when his eyes reflect his darker side like that. 

“I was horny, you were horny. I thought it was clear it wasn’t a bargain”, he still doesn’t look at you while he speaks. “It was just sex”.

And he shrugs. It’s clear to you that this shit’s been a fucking joke to him. A sick fucking joke you never expected him to be capable of. This is not the Jimin you spent years with, the one you loved, the one you wanted to get married to at some point in the past. 

His words cut through you. Just sex. 

You hate everything about this Jimin.

“Of course it was just about sex… I’m sorry if I misunderstood the situation, Jimin. ” You push his legs aggressively so you can get out of the couch. “Excuse me, I wanna leave”.

You start collecting your underwear and clothes from the floor of his stupid house, trying your best to block the tears away. You dress yourself hastily, while Jimin watches you in silence. You head for the door, but he holds your arm lightly, trying to stop you.

“Hey, Y/n… Don’t be like that, I’ll feel guilty”, he pleads softly again.

“Get your hands off of me”, you groan between your teeth without turning to face him. “Also, fuck off”.

He lets go of your arm and you leave his apartment as soon as you can, slamming the door behind you. You rush back to your car and drive away as fast as you can, only allowing yourself to cry your anger and pain out when you’re tucked in bed later that day.

[aro-langblr]

I'm gonna vent for a second. I'll try to keep it language related, but this definitely a real life vent. heavy topics, but nothing explicit.

Long story short, life's been rough. I'm currently unemployed for the first time ever and I recently surrendered my cat along with a whole plethora of other Bad Things. I even had to give up on my pharmacy training. but even in the midst of all this... I've started engaging in hobbies for the first time since literally 2021. maybe 2022. and don't get me wrong, if you followed my original langblr (@/langblrblunder) before I deleted, I'm nowhere near the level of functional as I was back then. Not by a long shot. But I'm doing things I didn't think were even possible for me anymore. I didn't think I even had hobbies or interests anymore. and I don't mean I've recently had a one off "oh, I did a thing for two days in a row because I tried to push myself for once uwu." I mean I've done creative writing consistely for the past couple weeks. I tried drawing which I haven't done since I was a teenager. I've put together multiple meals for myself when I hadn't had a real meal for the past 3 months at least because I couldn't get myself to cook. I've been reading. all of this since becoming unemployed about 2 weeks ago.

and since becoming unemployed, I realized that I was wrong. I fucking do have interests and hobbies. all the same ones I had before. and I'm so mad. I'm furious. I can't explain how the idea has me almost in tears! I've been living on total burnout since october of 2021. probably even longer since I had an attempt at the end of october that year. my life has been a goddamn shakesperean tragedy, and it took losing everything for me to even feel like a shadow of a person again.

I'm studying linguistics and languages today for the first time. I drew yesterday, and I had a couple decent meals recently. I'm doing okay enough... and it's just so sad... I'm trying to apply for disability, but I'll have to find another job soon. I live alone and don't have family, so I need some source of income. I can't just wait to hear back about my application.

it's just... I have been given a glimpse of the person I used to be. someone I could be. and I feel like all of it has just been stolen away from me because I've been living on the edge for so long. I still am honestly. I'm still really suffering despite the good. but the fact that there's any good at all is something I didn't know was possible anymore.

[snows-2am-thoughts]

Dazai Headcanons

I have a few headcanons on how Dazai acted before he came to be in Mori’s care. There are a lot of theories about where Dazai came from and I love most of them honestly. There are so many possibilities about how Dazai came to be and honestly, I need a light novel about it. Unless they’re going to make it important to the plot and it gets revealed in the next arc or sometime later in the manga. 

My favorite theory that I came up with was that Dazai came from a wealthy family. He’s probably the youngest of 2-3 siblings and his parents were the cold and distant but loving type. I like to think that Dazai had a nice family but something happened that pushed him to where he ended up. I am taking inspiration from the protagonist of the No Longer Human book by the irl Dazai Osamu so tread carefully since I will mention some of that stuff. I am trying to keep this one more lighthearted and introspective so some stuff like the se*ual ab*se Ōba Yōzō went through won’t be mentioned. 

Warnings: I talk about ADHD, some implied mental illness along with some trauma because Dazai. All of the warnings that can apply to Dazai should be warned (aka his unaliving tendencies)

Anyways the headcanons

INFANT Dazai (0-1 year old)

Was a quiet baby, never really cried and babbled

It actually worried his parents at first because their other kids made a lot more noise as babies

Only really cried if he got super frustrated when he couldn’t communicate his wants effectively

Did started making noises and saying small words around the 10 month mark

Wasn’t very interested in the baby toys that made noise

Building blocks held his interest a tad bit more but even then he grew out of them fast

TODDLER Dazai (1-3 years old)

Started walking around the 1 year old mark

Still wasn’t a big talker but he would give one or two word answers, he just didn’t feel like any more words were necessary

Would walk and point to things if he could, words once again weren’t necessary

Wasn't very interested in toys the kids his age liked

Did have a small interest in listening to his parents work, mostly because his brain was a sponge soaking up all it could

Taught himself to read around 2.5-3 years old, he would memorize stories that the maids would read to him then open the book himself and memorize the words. Basically he worked backwards to learn to read

With the early reading came the early education once his parents noticed his only interests revolved around his brain

Numbers and the lot came easy after learning the basics

PRESCHOOL Dazai (3-6 years old)

Didn’t really understand people and even more so after starting school and started being around kids his age

He observed and copied the actions of the kids around him to not draw attention to himself (*cough*masking*cough*)

Started to make himself act like more of an outgoing and friendly child even if he didn’t understand why that seemed like the preferred personality that people wanted from children. (aye practice for his future self)

Although he transitioned into his persona slowly as to not raise suspicion of an overnight personality change

Thought that his persona could let him understand people a little more but it made him more confused

He totally gave his teachers so many headaches when he first started school

As I said before, tried to mask and hide his intelligence for a while because he didn’t need any attention on him

This failed as he got way too bored of sorting shapes and numbers but he was already reading at a 16 year old skill level at 6 years old

His teachers tried stimulating his academically until they deemed it was better to just move him up grades

Went from his 6 year old class to a class filled with 9 year olds to test the waters

They had to move him to a 12 year old class only a few days later when he made multiple children cry after a multiplication game

SCHOOL AGE (6-12 years old)

You will have to physically rip ADHD Dazai away from my cold dead hands, I stg (I could do a whole separate headcanon for this because him and Ranpo basically make up AuDHD)

I feel like around his 7-8 year old mark is when he really started going tired around the uninteresting things of life, he’s a severely bored kid who doesn’t understand nor have a will to live

I do think around 10-11 is when he started getting interested in suicide as a coping mechanism for all the intricacies of humanity that he did not understand and the fact he started realizing he didn’t have a reason to live

At this point he’s observed people for so long that the masks he parades around of a cheerful but academically gifted child is concrete and there’s hardly anything that can make him break it

Knows why and how people feel certain emotions or react a certain way to things but he doesn’t understand it, not really

There's an ever bigger disconnect between him and people from when he was small that he starts to think of himself as something other than human

Had a bunch of issues trying to stimulate his brain in a way that would take away his boredom as school couldn’t do it for him

While he couldn’t ever really take away his boredom completely, he would take up new puzzles or games to try and give his brain new things to think about. I’m talking like the 3D crystal puzzles or the puzzles with no edge pieces

Anything that could capture his attention was bought in bulk until he eventually got bored of it again (neurodivergent child)

Started taking university level courses around 11, he probably could’ve taken them sooner but his teachers and parents didn’t want to overload them

[dansevilpianotea]

ramble ahead about time, tatinof, 2015 and changing one's life

tatinof is very special and im so happy they did this video to acknowledge that its not cringe at all and that theyre proud of their past selves !! there's sth genuinely healing about that !! ive had a hard time in 2015 and even tho i was 12/13 and just discovered that online fan communities of things i was into were a thing and was nowhere close to the phandom (i joined after BIG), this is the fandom internet that i joined back then. thats why its so poetic that they sing 'the internet is here', because to me this is the time it started to be there for me. it wasnt always kind to me and instagram was not a great platform to start on if your bullies and other ppl from school were also on it, but it was also when for the first time ever i realised that there were not only people who liked what i liked but that those ppl also have created their own culture and community online !! i was not totally alone !! there is a life outside of school !! i would never chose to go back to that time ever like it was horrible (that applies to any time in the past tho, i hate the idea of 'going back in time' with a passion) but im glad that the internet was there for me because no one else really was if im being real with you.

more below the cut because im an insufferable yapper (dan is a terrible influence haha tit joke)

this all is maybe why i find it hard to go back to watch dnps older content and also the stuff from the tatinof era. dan's sarcastic self-hating persona and phils innocent nerd persona are both hitting a bit too close to home and i want to both cry for them and for myself. we knew nothing back then. we were lost and yet did sth we were proud of. yet here we are almost 10 years later and how the fuck did we end up here but oh my god im so proud of us. all it took for me was to watch dan's coming out video. all it took for them was to be embraced and loved by their audience (us). dan also needed a break which is something that at the time it happend was really hard for me but then i found my wonderful lovely phannie discord friends here. we really all got here together and if i ever see any single person say that dnp hate us or dan hates it or that dnp are cringe or that we are cringe etc etc i will block you so hard because what are you even doing bringing up drama when in reality dan and phil and the phandom have developed the most remarkable symbiotic relationship between artist adn fans ever. they are our dads and i honestly just want to say how fucking proud i am of them for how far theyve come and what theyve done since 2015. dan really did the whole mental health and gay thing but then he did the mental health again!! and i think ywgttn and wad need to be given more credit here because idk if you remember pre-wad dan but he wasnt anything like post wad dan. every since wad he seems so happy and genuinely authetic and in peace. (im ignoring dystopia daily here because that was filmed before wad and his dd persona also reminds me too much of 2015 depressed dan than whatever high concept he was going for lol, im just not a dd fan). like wad changed his relationship with us and its warming my entire heart when i see dan smile so much now. he deserves to be happy and proud. and if dan deserved it after going through so much and coming out on top (literally), then i deserve it too. and phil? i love how he's just so confident now. fuck. (literally). he is not the innocent nerd anymore like he actually is fully really himself now and feels comfortable in his body (crop top, phlonde, etc) and openly expressing his sexuality ! even compare this phil to phil from the beginning of the hiatus!! he got so much more confident and relaxed since then!! like fully, really, if he can do it, if he can strip himself of the persona that ppl have attributed to him because of his anxiety, then i can do that too. im so proud of phil. he is an inspiration and the more he's being himself publically with no shame, the more an autistic phannie will feel hopeful for their future. im so proud of both of them.

like its crazy you go through your life thinking you're going nowhere and never making any progress and will never reach your goals but then you stop and look back what you were like 6 months ago and realise how many lives you have lived since then. it always goes back to BIG when dan said this:

[...] I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that's it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side.

this everyone, changed my life. and i will never be able to thank dan enough for it, no matter how much i pay for tour tickets, how often i watch their videos or share my love for them on here. i just want to mention this because its never just 'light entertainment', it means the world to many of us and we have build a wonderful and loving community despite the hardships of the past and pointless discourses of the present. like, we can change shit for ourselves because we see these gay idiots do it who have done soooo fucking much in the last 15 years like they were on radio 1 and on a hollywood billboard and hosted various big big events. and yet, they decided they want to use their time to do things for themselves and their community. they have said many times that they havent made a profit from (parts of) their tours but they do it regardless. they do really love us and i dont think ive ever really felt loved by people who i was in a fandom for like that. its really not as parasocial as it might seem anymore. we got here together and we should be proud of that. i love dnp and i love you phannies so much !! 💕💕💕💕💕

[fitgothgirl]

Long post incoming, so coloring key points just to help even my own eyes.

I'm pretty high-functioning right now, but I feel so not okay under it all. I'm applying for jobs. I go to the gym. I grocery shop. I clean. But I feel awful.

Being unemployed is making me feel worse the longer it goes - especially with how little I'm even hearing back on all my applications. I just feel so inadequate as a person overall (sucks that capitalism instills such feelings). And I feel guilty for doing anything but applying for jobs, even if I've already applied to a bunch that day; I feel guilty for going to the gym or watching TV or doing anything fun.

I've been wanting to make this pivot to bartending, knowing I would need start as a barback or server and applying as such, but I'm getting so discouraged. The last few days I've gone back to searching/applying for healthcare admin jobs, including front desk which I used to do and swore I wouldn't do again. But if I was already resolved to not WFH for a while by bartending, and I'm not getting anywhere with that, then I may as well not WFH at a day job in something I have experience in. I'm keeping in mind that regardless of my next job, it's all temporary until I get my CPC certification, so there's a light at the end of the (relatively short) tunnel if I end up in something I'm not thrilled with. But I'm now starting to feel silly for thinking about bartending; did I really do the hyperfocus thing again and get too excited over a prospect that I'm not quite capable of yet only for it to leave me wondering what I was thinking afterwards? I was trying to be aware at the time and asking myself if that was what was happening, but I didn't think it was. I honestly have always been interested in bartending, but now this Cointreau and vermouth and bitters and stuff is on our bar counter and I look at it and I just kinda feel like an idiot.

I had been drinking too often as it was before I lost my job but when I got fired it got a lot worse - no days without alcohol for over a month, probably getting drunk close to half the time - and now my stomach has had a sort of sudden change and I'm having problems I've never had before and it's making me nervous; it scared me into suddenly not drinking for 2 days, followed by a day with 1 drink, followed by two more no-alcohol days. Last night I did have a few though, but they kinda just made me feel shitty and I'm motivated to not drink again today. But it's also scary because I don't have fucking health insurance right now until Medi-Cal (Medicaid) approves me, which could still be a couple more weeks (i.e. a total of 6 weeks since I applied). Just gotta do what I can on my own for now. I often overreact about my health though, so fingers crossed this is just that.

It's not lost on me that I'm seeking out bartending yet obviously have periods where I can't seem to control my alcohol. I can't imagine drinking while working a job like that though (plus it's illegal for bartenders to drink on the clock anyway). If it's anything like barista-ing, which I know it is but even crazier/harder, I'd want to be as clear-headed and locked in as possible lol. But I'm not going to sit here and act like it would be an ideal job for someone trying to control their drinking with just being in that environment so often and having the thought it in one's head so much. So idk maybe it's best I just give up on it. I even still wanted to do it parttime on nights/weekends when I got my CPC cert/got a day job (as I was wanting to do before I lost my job), but maybe I shouldn't. But a big reason for bartending was also the good money they can make and I want that to get out of debt. Ugh idkkkkkkk. I guess I could just do serving... If someone would hire me, that is. But ugh all these thoughts are making me feel so mixed up and lost!!

And separate from all this work stuff is the fact that I've been wanting to talk to my bf about some stuff but can't bring myself to do it. The conflict avoidance in me is so strong... And it isn't even necessarily a "conflict," but my brain interprets it as such. It's so hard for me because any time there's been a Talk™️ in my life, it ends up a conflict, and I end up wrong. I end up crying and/or apologizing and/or fawning. Like, I'm not just getting this anxiety out of nowhere, I feel like I've really been taught through life experience that I'm just wrong all the time. Developed by my dad growing up, then my ex did his absolute best to compound & reinforce it. I know I need to "do it scared, do it with your voice shaking, do it with your hands trembling, but do it," or whatever that saying is, because until then I'm being a bad partner by not communicating. It doesn't help that we gel so well that we never fight or get heated because we both feel like so few things are worth getting upset over, so I don't actually have a lot of practice in this area, which is both a good thing and a bad thing obviously. But this is all dumb because I'm not even upset!! This isn't a talk like that!! I want to talk to him because I love him and I want to be open with him about my needs and I want to strengthen our relationship and I want him to be happy & healthy in his own right. I would want him to express his needs or hold me accountable, how can I not do the same for him? Why am I so focused on worst case scenario? Why am I so convinced this will be a negative conversation?? (Oh yeah all that aforementioned past experience stuff lolz. But I need to get over it...)

I just. My heart hurts a lot of the time. I keep ripping up my cuticles. I can't seem to stem the negative self-talk. I miss my therapist but can't get myself to reach out, but I'm also wondering what more she can do for me at this point (which is maybe why she hasn't reached out either?). Little things make me feel inordinately bad about myself, like the hummingbird feeder has been empty for a while, or my plants need watering, or even the fact that I haven't started decorating for Halloween yet, etc. I also feel like I should be doing all of the house chores that come up rather than half, which I don't think is wrong with being unemployed and my bf covering bills, but whenever I do clean it just weighs the reminder on me that I'm jobless and "inadequate." I want to cook for him too but idk why I get so nervous about that; he's a great cook, and when I cook for myself it's good, but imagining cooking for him makes me feel like it's going to be inedible shit for some reason lol...

I don't really know how to end this but I guess I'm done writing for now so... End 🙃

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Destruction

Well, I'm finally back. After saying some pretty stupid things about four months ago, I'm ready to get back in the saddle and review the rest of Season 5. And honestly, it's kind of funny that as soon as I announce a hiatus, we get an influx of new episodes that, for the most part, were actually in chronological order. So I'm going to have to play keep up and review all the episodes I missed, which is about fourteen of them.

So let's just dive right in and get into the third (chronologically the third) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Destruction

We start off with Marinette looking over the Ladyblog reminding the audience that Monarch still has all the other Miraculous. While Alya gets her some tea, we get a nice little bit of visual storytelling showing how nervous Marinette is when she sees a video of Alya telling Ladybug and Cat Noir to be careful. Even if Alya already knows Marinette is Ladybug, it's easy to see the pressure she's going through now that the odds are stacked against her and Cat Noir.

We then cut to... Good lord, how many times do I have to say this? We cut to Gabriel monologuing to Emilie's corpse, saying he's totally going to get the Miraculous for realsies this time. He actually thinks of something smart and decides to order Orikko, the Rooster Kwami, to give him the power to travel in time again. Instead, we get one of the most confusing explanations for how the Miraculous work, and totally isn't something the writers made up to justify how overpowered they made the Rooster.

Oh goody, not even two minutes in, and the writers are already retconning stuff to justify the conflict happening.

First off, you can't grant a power that belongs to another Kwami? Then how the hell did Rooster Bold multiply Ladybug's Lucky Charm at the end of Season 4? That wasn't a form of creation? Even if you go along with the dialogue saying it was a form of multiplication, that still won't fly because the Mouse Miraculous already has the power of Multiplication, and Polymouse was part of the team during that episode. Also, what about Caprikid, who can also create stuff with Genesis? Is that not creation either? And does this rule apply to just the Rooster, or all Miraculous? Because all the way back in Season 1, we got three separate Akumas with the powers of other Miraculous (Copycat, Antibug, Volpina), and in Season 3, we got an Akuma with the ability to copy a Miraculous user's powers (Chameleon) and a Sentimonster copy of a different Miraculous user (Ladybug).

Second, mind explaining what exactly the difference between a power and a wish is? It was already confusing when Astruc explained it, and you repeating the “explanation” isn't clearing anything up at all.

What even is the difference between a power and a wish when the Rooster literally gives you the power to get any power you choose? That was literally how Rooster Bold described it in “Penalteam”.

Rooster Bold: Actually, my power is to choose a super ability, and I choose to score a ball anytime I shoot.

How is asking for the power to score a goal in soccer whenever you shoot the ball anything but a wish?

Okay, fine, the phrasing of wanting to locate the Miraculous of Ladybug and Cat Noir can be seen as a demand, not a power, but there are plenty of ways to work around it here. You could ask for the power to teleport certain objects to you when you're near them. You could ask for the power to sense the energy of the Kwamis associated with each Miraculous. You could ask for the power to teleport to any place you know a Kwami has been, like where the Miracle Ball is. These can all be powers and not wishes.

Finally, you already broke the rule about not being able to disrupt the powers of other Miraculous a while ago, as there have already been Akumas and Sentimonsters specifically created to fight Miraculous users (Miraculer, Kwamibuster, Ephemeral, Strikeback).

I get it, the writers needed a way to explain why Gabriel couldn't use the Rooster Miraculous to automatically win, but they wouldn't need to resort to these mental gymnastics if they didn't give the Rooster the power to use any power the user wanted.

Gabriel decides to get to Ladybug another way, by ordering the Kwamis to reveal Ladybug's identity, but because Ladybug never technically renounced their Miraculous, they can't tell him thanks to the failsafe that prevents Kwamis from revealing their holder's identity, something previously established in “Sandboy”. Gabriel has another idea: He makes the Kwamis tell him where the Guardian lives. This is honestly a really clever battle of wits here. If they did something like this when explaining why the Rooster had limits, I don't think I'd be as harsh to the use of that Miraculous as I normally am.

Marinette tries to go to sleep to get the recent events off her mind for now, but Monarch, currently unified with the Butterfly, Horse, Bee, and Turtle Miraculous, breaks in using Voyage. He asks for a “gift” Ladybug gave her, since the Kwamis didn't tell Monarch she's Ladybug. Monarch takes out the Bee Miraculous' top, essentially holding Marinette at gunpoint while she tries to get the “gift” for him. It's a very tense scene with the main hero in a helpless situation... so obviously, we need to throw in some Unfunny Marinette Slapstick to ruin the mood. It's brief, but I still don't get why the writers think this is the only kind of stuff they can tell jokes with.

Rather than a killer robot belonging to the Deathgalians, the “gift” is a key. Since the Kwamis technically don't know the Guardian's address, she supposedly set up a treasure hunt for them to follow in case they get lost. As Marinette lies about Ladybug not trusting her that much, Alya comes in with some tea and snacks. Monarch assumes Alya knows who Ladybug is, and right after he demands she tell him, Alya decides to cancel him on social media—I mean, broadcasts Monarch in Marinette's room, potentially exposing him to the world. Monarch simply breaks the phone and takes the key, breaking the Ladybug-themed keychain to reveal a piece of paper with a little note on it.

You know, if I actually knew anything about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy other than the significance of that number, I'd be all over this.

The number is actually the same one as a locker at the local ice rink, so Monarch uses Voyage again (even though he didn't recharge) to teleport there. Philippe, a figure skating teacher, assumes that Monarch is there for a skating lesson, and then takes a selfie with the dangerous supervillain. You know, Monarch, it's late at night, and there don't seem to be any witnesses. Just saying...

After opening the locker, Monarch finds another piece of paper with a picture of a wax statue of Cat Noir and the word “street”, making him realize the papers contain an address. Monarch heads to the Musée Grévin, a real life wax museum that we first saw in “Puppeteer 2”, and even has wax statues of Ladybug and Cat Noir on display whose creation was overseen by Thomas Astruc and Jeremy Zag themselves.

No joke here. I just thought that was really cool.

Monarch breaks into the exhibit with the in-universe statues of Ladybug and Cat Noir, only to reveal the entire treasure hunt was a trick to corner him. Ladybug ties Cat Noir's hand to Monarch's arm and uses her Lucky Charm, some kind of fire hose, to tie him up while the doors of the exhibit are locked down.

So Monarch is pinned down, and with one wrong move, he's as good as dead if he tries to escape. Obviously, Ladybug learned from her mistakes in “Evolution”, and now, she's going to take back all of Monarch's Miraculous.

… And now she's going to take back all of Monarch's Miraculous.

… And now she's going to take back all of Monarch's Miraculous.

And NOW she's going to take back—Okay, you know where this is going.

Yeah, I'm not making this up when I say it takes 84 seconds, over a minute, to for Ladybug to explain her plan, once again say they're going to take Monarch's Miraculous, and casually stroll over to slowly take away the Butterfly Miraculous before Monarch decides to let Cat Noir Cataclysm his arm so the ensuing shock gives him the chance to use Voyage to teleport back. ARE. YOU. KIDDING ME?!

You had him right there, you idiot! After you failed to take back more than a single Miraculous because you kept saying you were going to do it, you decided to waste time gloating like this was a Sherlock Holmes novel. Even in Scooby-Doo, they usually saved the explanations for after the monster was unmasked, which you should have done with Monarch.

It's framed as a crushing defeat for the heroes, but it only happened because they spent their time screwing around instead of nabbing every Miraculous littered across Monarch's body. Also, check out Cat Noir's response to accidentally Cataclysming Monarch.

Yeah, funny how you didn't act this way when you assumed Scarabella was a threat in “Hack-San”, isn't it? And spoilers for the next episode, he doesn't exactly let this affect him or the way he operates the next time he uses his Cataclysm on an Akuma.

Because Monarch ran off with Ladybug's Lucky Charm, Ladybug can't fix the damage, so neither of them really know what's going to happen to Monarch now. We then cut back to Marinette and Alya, where Marinette explains her plan... which is kind of redundant since the whole reason Monarch got away was because she took the time to explain it in the first place. Yeah, she explains the reasoning for it and how she prepared, but there's no reason for her to go into detail about this plan when we already saw it in action. She seriously explains all of this for almost four minutes, and I'm pretty sure it's just to pad the runtime.

We then cut to, of all things, Adrien telling Gabriel he doesn't want to model anymore. Yeah, in a pretty clever twist, this episode actually takes place during the events of “Multiplication”. We see that during that scene, Gabriel was still reeling from the Cataclysm wound, which somehow managed to go through his super suit and mark his skin.

And remember that suit that somehow manages to make him look like he has the worst traits of Colonel Sanders, Steve Jobs, and the Tumblr sword lady? That was to cover up the wound and go with his new Miraculous. Because yeah, a bright white suit is the perfect way to hide a dark purple splotch on your skin. Somehow, Gabriel managed to use some lasers to break down the Miraculous (even though “Queen Wasp” established they were indestructible without a Cataclysm as the exception) and through his new partnership with Tomoe, turned them into the high-tech Alliance rings he can use to safely channel the powers of each Kwami through. Also, he finally shut them up by putting them in cages where they can't fight back. All of this is building up to Gabriel transforming into his new Monarch form for the first time. Yeah, the Monarch we saw for the first three episodes? That was just the prototype meant to look ridiculous, so obviously, this one's going to look better, right? Well...

Yeah, this somehow looks worse. The purple bodysuit just doesn't look menacing, and once again, the skin being purple doesn't make sense. Also, I don't even know why the eyes are blue. It honestly looks like a worse version of Oblivio, but at least with Oblivio, the basic design was intentional. There's just too much purple, and it doesn't look as stylish as Hawkmoth's original design.

And of course, this means I have more jokes to make about his appearance.

He looks like a walking fiber supplement, and not kind you take orally.

Gabriel, you know you don't have to wear your swim cap outside of the pool, right?

Remember when the worst thing about Gabriel's villain form was the feather monocle? I miss those good times...

I wonder if this means Gabriel smells like grapes now.

My God, Gabriel's become an Anacondrai cultist, and a really stupid-looking one at that!

It's bad enough that the Rooster Miraculous' power makes no sense, but it can't even give Gabriel the power to have better sense of fashion?

Wait a minute, that's just a giant crayon!

This form looks like what would happen if you could wear a type of wine.

Okay, I know cartoon reboots are the hottest thing right now, but who the hell was asking for a reboot of the California Raisins commercials?

You know, it'd be funny if Gabriel's favorite color wasn't even purple.

When Gabriel said he was planning on cosplaying as a Klingon, I didn't think he meant the Klingons from Discovery.

Nothing says “sinister supervillain” like a suit that's the same shade as a ripe eggplant.

It's sad that this new form was upstaged by the main villain of The Owl House possessing a teenager wearing a wolf shirt a few days before this episode originally aired.

Just remember, Gabriel destroyed the other Miraculous to achieve this form.

Wow, this form looks just as badass and menacing as Kamen Rider Horobi... in that it exists, and has a slightly similar color scheme.

The more forms Gabriel gets, the more I hate the color purple.

From what I've heard, the Monster High reboot gave one of the main characters pink skin for some reason. To the people who are upset at the change, be glad she doesn't look as ridiculous as Gabriel does now.

So is this what happens when a chameleon only knows how to camouflage with a single color?

Even Dark Truder would think this guy looks like a dork.

He looks less like a supervillain and more like a caterer for a color-themed wedding.

Just when you thought the MCU had the absolute worst incarnation of the Mandarin (the Ben Kingsley one, not whatever Shang-Chi did with the character's magic rings).

This form looks like the kind of clothes used to test the power of stain removers during a commercial.

Okay, come on, guys. What does Gabriel's new form actually look like? This can't seriously be the final draft, right?

I'm pretty sure this form counts as a crime against anyone who likes the color purple.

This looks like one of the few disguises Robbie Rotten wouldn't wear.

To paraphrase Bill Corbett, “Gabriel, you sold us out to Big Prune, man!”

Apparently, Gabriel's eyes were originally going to be purple too, but he thought that would make him look stupid.

But again, the funniest joke is the fact that Gabriel thinks he somehow looks cooler in this form. Anyway, the episode ends with Monarch saying that he's totally going to beat Ladybug and Cat Noir this time and that he won't be fooled again, even though he’s barely gotten close to his goal after four seasons (not counting the recent victory that was given to him thanks to Felix).

Anyway, this episode was just okay. There honestly wasn't that much for me to talk about, as the plot was pretty straightforward and answered some questions as to why Monarch can't easily win now that he's arguably the most powerful he's ever been. Admittedly, the problems lie more in how those questions are answered, like how the writers went out of their way to explain why the Rooster Miraculous is the definition of having the power to do whatever the plot needs it to do and not do.

Ladybug's plan was also pretty clever, and while I chided her for letting Monarch escape, unlike the other times she failed to take action when she had the chance, I'm more willing to let this time slide. Sure, her explanation took long enough for Monarch to weigh the pros and cons of seriously hurting himself if it means he can live to fight another day, but sort of like the fight between Dr. Watts and General Ironwood in RWBY, neither Ladybug or Cat Noir really thought Monarch would go through with damaging his arm like that. They were in a position of power, and thought they had won. If the scene ended with Ladybug belittling herself for being overconfident instead of just moping about how Monarch escaped again, this whole setup could have worked more.

One thing I thought was pretty weird was that despite being titled after the concept his Miraculous is based on, Cat Noir barely gets to do anything here. Okay, sure, the title of “Destruction” could refer to the fact that Monarch was wounded by the power of destruction, but he doesn't get any scenes after Monarch escapes. You could have easily thrown in a scene where Adrien was sitting in his room and talking to Plagg about what happened, potentially even calling back to what happened with Uncanny Valley in the New York Special. But instead, I guess the writers thought it would make more sense for Ladybug to take even longer to explain her plan to the viewers who didn't understand it the first time it was explained to them.

Overall, this is easily the least offensive episode of the season so far. The problems I have with it are very minor compared to ones I had with the previous two episodes.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... XUPPU

Ever since Season 4, the Kwamis have all been relegated to annoying little mascots with the combined intellect of a kindergarten student, but Xuppu in this episode really took this to a new level. He generally kept screwing around even when he was basically being held hostage, and while the other Kwamis at least tried their best to calmly explain why Gabriel couldn't use the Rooster to get everything he wanted, he just went on this condescending little tangent about how simple the rules are for Gabriel. I get it's in his personality to be mischievous, but it was pretty dumb how he didn't seem to be taking things seriously.

While it might seem like Marinette should have won the award, I'm grading these characters based on their actions throughout the episode. Basically, if a character does something smart, it “deducts” points from their overall actions. For example, if Cat Noir did something reckless in a later episode when he came up with a pretty smart plan to defeat an Akuma early on, both actions would be balanced out, and it would be less likely that he would get the Biggest Idiot Award. Therefore, someone like Xuppu is more likely to get the award instead.

[our-alterous-experience]

so i just recently discovered alterous attraction and it felt right to me. i have so far identified as panromantic demisexual, and i was just curious how you thought that fit in with my current orientation.

i know its totally individualized, i am just curious to hear someone else's thoughts on the matter, since i cant talk to the people in my life abt it right now.

Well!!!! Depends on how you feel. As you said, it’s individualized so I can throw out some interpretations !!

So I came out as pansexual as a child and always thought I was ace. I flirted with calling it panromantic but never committed. Because I’m aromantic, bc i’m aplatonic, I find it fitting to call myself panalterous. Bc while I am still aspec what’s more important than my romance or sex take or whatever is how i feel alterously. That being said, you don’t need a direct “name” to fit in conjunction with all the other labels and identity. While some people are Romantics and others feel they are that way about Platonic ideals; the same applies to being alterous. I think sunfriend is my favorite alterous term I ever heard but that’s more hyper specific terminology than helpful thing.

For me, I’m also trans, i’m also queer, i’m also aspec, im also arospec.

I don’t think it’s productive all the time to go hello im Vexerin from genderfluid butch transmasc transsexual neopronouner pansexual aplatonic aspec aceflux aromantic alterous land.

Because honestly! It’s much easier to say Hello, I’m Vexerin, I’m panalterous, I’m 20, I’m aromantic and aplatonic. (Within, the context of someone asking me what the fuck i am for the first time at least)

Which is not to say I dislike any of the identities I identify with, it has given me so much freedom to accept these many facets and factors of my life. But for strangers and people who don’t really Know everything about you or even your sexualities, I would recommend just verbalizing “the hits”. The pieces that impact you the most/ are most relevant. For me that’s a lot of my A-spec identities. For me it’s important that I tell a new online friend I’m aplatonic. Is it important for you to tell someone you’re alterous? Are you itching to tell someone?

When I first started introducing myself as alterous in new spaces there was eventually questions and sit downs and I explained my experience and point of view. With new people I was explaining myself for the first time. It was remarkable I got to set expectations in my own way in my own relationships. So the default wasn’t automatically the society standard. I mean it was but it was changed, and that changed me. I will have this conversation over and over again. Like the classic saying, you never stop coming out.

So my perspective is, what do you want to introduce yourself with? Do you want to mention you’re alterous? I think it’s okay to, I think it’s also okay not to. Or it could be something you don’t mention when first talking about your sexuality but you make sure to mention it the second time. or maybe you only mention it when it becomes relevant, you feel alterous or you remember an alterous moment and you bring it up.

There are many different ways to try to go about this. Which one is the best for you? Or rather, which would you want to try out first?

[britswriting]

Fallen For You H.S | AU - Seven

Fallen For You Masterlist - find description here

Read on Wattpad

Rancher!Harry x Plus-sized!OC

🦋Delaney🦋

I was pleasantly surprised when the weekend went by without a hitch, and I knew that was all thanks to Harry; whether he wanted to hear it or not, we wouldn't have survived without his help.

I walked into the barn where Harry and my dad were working surprisingly well together only to see my dad in there alone.

"Hey" I announced my presence, my dad appearing to be cleaning one of the stables.

"Good morning, Lane" Dad replied back, not bothering to turn and look at me.

"Hey, uh.. where's Harry?" 

"He left this morning. He had something to do, he'll be back tomorrow morning" Dad replied, shuffling something around in the stable before the sound of a broom brushing against the floor was heard again.

The past few weeks, every Sunday Harry has disappeared and came back Monday morning getting straight to work.

I knew he had asked for at least one day off, which is completely fine and makes total sense. Everyone deserves a break, I just didn't expect him to be gone overnight for his break.

My brain couldn't help but spiral.

Was he seeing someone? Was he at his girlfriend's house? Did he have a whole other family? Did he have his own place? His own things? His own food? It would make sense why he was so weird about us buying him groceries, but how could he just leave that all for a week without so much as uttering a word to us?

Monday morning I argued with myself in the bathroom mirror over the fact that I willingly woke up early to get dressed for a man who seems to not give a fuck about me.

I mean honestly, who gets up before the sun just to curl their hair and apply makeup and make sure their outfit looks cute just for a guy! 

Stupid, stupid Delaney!

I ran my hands through my dark loosely curled hair, my fingers separating some of the curls, applying another layer of mascara; double checking that I didn't have lipstick on my teeth before pulling my jean shorts up a bit more on my waist.

I stared into my brown eyes in the mirror, looking at myself completely done up for a man who could have an entire family somewhere else in this world that he left every Sunday to see.

Stupid, stupid Delaney!

My eyes began to burn as they started to blur; my quick blinking to prevent tears from falling wasn't working as they began to free fall down my artificially blushed cheeks, wrecking my still wet, fresh, mascara.

You're so fucking stupid, Delaney! 

My shoulders slumped as I pulled open a drawer, yanking out a makeup wipe and proceeded to start wiping off all my effort.

First went the lipstick.

This was so fucking stupid. Why the fuck did I do this?

Then the foundation.

I could've been asleep this entire time! 

Then the eyebrows followed by the mascara.

He's not even going to fucking care, nor notice! I not only wasted makeup, but my time and effort! All of this shit could've gone towards a job interview! A family reunion! A date for god sake! 

I stared at my bright red, assaulted, skin; dark mascara still under my eye, smears of lipstick left behind, telling me I needed another makeup wipe.

My eyes burned as the tears settled in my waterline.

I looked date ready, and maybe that's what hurt? Knowing I looked date ready for a man who would never want to date me.

I washed my face with water and a cleanser before grabbing a hair tie and throwing my hair up into a now high, loosely curled ponytail.

I leaned back against the wall, my dark circles from lack of sleep, and the mascara residue staring me in the face.

Pulling off my expensive plain white shirt that had pretty lace detailing on the cuffs of my sleeves left me in a white, lacey bra; I groaned.

This was so fucking stupid.

Unclipping the fancy bra, I tossed it to the ground, ignoring the way my boobs fell and weighed down my chest as I entered my bedroom, grabbing a simple nude, plain bra and a loose t-shirt.

Stupid stupid stupid Delaney! 

I wiggled out of my stupid skin tight shorts, grabbing some loose, easy to move in jeans that had wide, baggy hole's in the knees.

The sun was starting to rise, and I knew Harry would already be out this morning taking care of the animals and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I just wasted two hours on a man just to wipe it all off because of my stupid impulsive decisions! I could've just left it all on, said fuck him, and felt good about myself all day, but nooooo, I got insecure and wiped it all off and wasted it! I didn't even take a fucking picture!

Stupid stupid Delaney! 

I ran my hands over my face, a strangled noise coming from my throat before I took a deep breath, grabbing my phone ready to hopefully get through today.

All day I avoided Harry the best I could. 

I couldn't face the fact of what I had done this morning, knowing damn well this man didn't want me. Along with the fact that he could have an entirely different family and I refuse to be a homewrecker! Or.. or.. or.. I don't know! Anything that will paint me in a bad light! I didn't need the drama. 

I got home from the market, my dad having called me asking me for help in the barn.

Walking in, Sassy trailing behind me like she owned the damn place, loudly meowing for attention; my father happily scooping her up and saying hello.

Spoiled brat.

My dad informed me that the horses needed their trail ride today before leaving Harry and I alone in the barn.

I stared at Harry's back, knowing I had to ask him for help, but deeply regretting ever needing him to begin with.

At least I wasn't wearing a lacy shirt, red lipstick and a probably crooked liner.

"Uh, hey.. how's it going?" I asked him, Harry bent over pulling bags of horse grain from a crate, placing it on the floor.

"Fine" he gruffly replied,  pulling another large bag of grain out of the crate, tossing it next to the other two.

I nodded — even though he couldn't see me, trying to think quick on my feet to not let what now felt like awkward silence, at least to me, linger longer than necessary.

"Are you busy?" I stupidly asked, regretting it immediately.

"Yes" he replied instantly, my head falling back on my shoulders as my eyes closed.

Of course he's fucking busy Delaney! He's literally doing a task right now!

"I uh.. are you able to help me with the horses?" I quickly spit out, "My dad has to go back to the Rickman's" Harry froze, his muscles visibly tensing, "And the horses need to go on their trail ride, I just.. normally Morgan, or Wrenlynn help me, but uh.. well" I stumbled, my anxious racing thoughts no long becoming coherent in my brain.

"I don't ride horses" He firmly replied, grunting as he picked up one of the horse feed bags, his boots thudding against the concrete as he walked over to the ladder, impressively, yet scaring the shit out of me, climbing it with one hand as the other held the feed.

I watched intently, afraid of him acting all macho and then falling off and busting his skull open.

I couldn't help myself but call out, "But you're a rancher?" knowing damn well I should've left it alone, but I was confused by how someone who works on a farm doesn't ride horses?

Harry didn't reply, in fact, it seemed as if he was ignoring my entire existence, shuffling around stuff on the loft, "Harry?" I called out again, standing far enough away that I could watch him moving the bags of grain around, acting like it was as easy as tossing a throw blanket into a ball on the floor. I sighed, "Harry, how can you not ride horses? You're a rancher" I stated the obvious again, wishing this man would open up more so I could simply understand his stiff and stern reactions. "Look, I wouldn't have asked if I knew it was a firm no; it's just we need to do it, and everyone else is busy, and it's a lot to do by myself. I was just asking for help is all, but if you can't, or don't want to, fine" I turned on my heel, walking towards Baylor, my all black Shire horse, grabbing my brush to clean his coat before braiding his mane, wanting to prevent tangles and matting whilst we worked when I heard Harry say directly behind me, "Can't you wait for your father to be back?" making me jump due to the close proximity.

"He's booked solid helping the town, Harry. It's fine, it'll just take me longer" I replied, running my hand down Baylor's side.

I grabbed my step stool, taking the two steps up before draping a blanket over his back, fitting the saddle over the blanket. I made sure nothing was too tight or too lose, and that the blanket was lose yet snug in all the right areas. Grabbing my lead, I begun to lead Baylor out of the stables, hoisting myself up and over when Harry asked, "This is your horse?"

"This is my baby—" 

"Baby nothing. That horse is bigger than you are!" He declared, my brow furrowing. 

"That's the point" 

"What?" 

"That's the point. A big girl needs a big horse. I like that he's big. I like that I feel safe and secure on him, even at my height and weight. He's a gentle giant" 

Harry appeared perplexed before shaking his head followed by saying, "My job is to help you, but I don't ride horses"

"May I ask why?"

"No" he replied instantly, my body stilling like someone had dumped cold water over my head.

 Oh.

Why?

"Alright well, I need to get started. If you need anything.... I'm sure you can find someone" I unintentionally huffed, giving Baylor his command to start walking down the driveway.

I got halfway down the road when a loud, "FINE! I'LL HELP!" made my head turn over my shoulder, Harry standing a good fifty, sixty feet from me with his arms crossed over his chest just staring at my horse's butt.

I stopped Baylor, getting us to turn around and face Harry, calling back, "NO ONE IS FORCING YOU!" my hand running down Baylor's neck.

"DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT?!"

Baylor and I got back to barn after Harry just stared at us; Harry watching me slide down my horse, tying him to the barn post so I could grab the horse Harry would use, "So what changed your mind?" I asked, clearly having a death wish, silently praying he didn't decide then and there to leave me yet again in the dust.

"It's my job to help you" 

Ah. Yes. He's here because he has to be.

"Alright well, this is Tina" I showed Harry our Morgan horse, Harry scowling.

"I'm aware of your horses, Delaney"

"I know. This is your horse today. You said you don't ride horses, and she's really good for beginners" I ran my hand down her neck before starting to saddle her.

"Who names their horse Tina?"

"Don't disrespect Tina" I warned, "And Wren did"

"Of course she did" he scoffed, arms laid over one another across his chest.

I moved my mouth closer to Tina's ear, whispering, "Don't listen to him" 

I could practically feel Harry's nerves seeping out of him as I grabbed his protective gear.

I held out a helmet for him, Harry just starting at it before slowly taking it and placing it on his head. He clipped the buckle under his chin and I grinned.

"I look stupid, don't I" he stated, rather than asked, huffing slightly as my grin widened.

"You look great" I laughed, his eyes rolling. "Have you ever ridden a horse?" I asked, Harry nodding, staring at Tina like she was some alien. "When's the last time you rode a horse?" my curiosity piqued, the senseful part of my brain ignoring the blaring alarms telling me to shut up and leave him alone and just be thankful he is actually helping me.

Instead of replying, he asked, "Won't I break her?" making me snicker, shaking my head.

"Nope"

"But your horse is ginormous?" He frowned, tugging at my heartstrings as he appeared like a little boy afraid to learn to ride a bike.

"Shouldn't that make you more afraid?" I asked, Harry's head snapping over to look at me.

"I'm not afraid" he stated, sounding offended that I would even utter such thing.

Yeah, okay.

Tina was saddled up, and I led her out of the barn, handing her off to Harry before hopping up onto Baylor, waiting for Harry to do the same.

I watched Harry stand still, staring at Tina, his eyes closing for a moment before watching him take a deep breath.

Oh. This is more serious than I thought.

I watched as he hoisted himself up onto the horse; I could practically see him shaking in his boots from here.

I started to lead Baylor back down the driveway, assuming that once we got going Harry would be fine. I poked my head back around my shoulder, Harry still just sat on Tina by the barn.

"Come on slowpoke!" I called out, teasing.

I continued down the driveway, stopping to wait for Harry, only to see he was still by the barn.

I went back to the barn, hoping off Baylor and tying him to the barn again then walking over to Harry, smiling. 

"Hi" I grinned, Harry's eyes narrowed at me, "Need help?" I asked, not able to wipe the smug smile off my face. "Haven't ridden a horse before?" I asked, my tone slightly teasing, "Hm, figured you would've since you're a rancher and all" I giggled, rubbing my hand down the top of Tina's nose.

Harry's nostrils flare as he goes to get off, confusing Delaney

"Where are you going?" I asked, frowning.

"I'm not going"

"Why?"

"You're making fun of me. I have better shit to do anyway" He huffed, getting off the horse, beginning to walk away.

 I knew I was teasing him, but it was all in good fun! I didn't think he'd actually get upset! 

"I'm only making fun of you a little!" I call after him, snickering as my fingers pinched together, referencing my words. "I'll help you! Come back, please! I really need to get the horses out" I begged, guilt consuming me at the idea of having upset him. "Harry! I'm sorry!" I called after him, quickly jogging to him, my hand reaching out for his arm.

My fingers grasped his bicep, surprised by how warm his skin was, Harry still walking, ignoring my attempts at stopping his strides.

"Harry! Please!" 

"I offered to help you, and you made fun of me"

"I know, I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd actually get upset!" 

He turned quickly on his heel, facing me as I halted to a spot, "Why wouldn't I? I don't ride horses for a good reason and you made fun of me! Do you know how sick and twisted that is, Delaney?"

"But.. but I didn't mean to hurt you! I just.. you're a rancher Harry and you don't ride horses! It's a little comical. I'm sorry, please" I begged, "If I knew how serious it was, I wouldn't have done that, I promise!" I could feel my heartbeat in my ears as desperation crawled out of me, wishing I could take back everything.

"I don't appreciate being made fun of" He said, turning around, back enroute to his house.

"I'm sorry! Harry, please, stop!" I cried out, tired of chasing this man all over the ranch. "You know what? Fine! Pout! I didn't know it was this serious!" I yelled, my frustration staring to bubble over, "You know, maybe I wouldn't have made fun of you if you would've just been honest with me in the first place instead of keeping everything locked away! God, I try and I try and you just.. you just.. you ignore me! And you know what? Maybe that's my fucking fault for caring and shit, but YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN! Act like it!" I yelled, feeling eyes surround me.

My chest was moving rapidly and I quickly moved my head to see that all the animals were looking at me.

Great.

I ran back to Baylor and Tina, grabbing Tina and leading her back into the barn to take all her stuff off until I was ready for her again, tears flowing freely down my cheeks as I choked on a sob or two.

This day has been a disaster from start to finish, and I was sick and tired of it.

I was tired of constantly walking on eggshells, feeling like I can't freely express myself down to just making a joke. If he would've told me how serious it was, I would've taken him more seriously! Just telling someone "I don't ride horses" when you're a rancher sounds stupid! Why wouldn't I have thought he was just being an asshole to be an asshole? Somehow me reading him wrong has me crying yet again like it's my fault! If he would've just been honest I would've helped him.

I wiped at my face, pulling myself together before getting back on Baylor, very much so needing this trail ride for my own mental health rather than just exercising the horse.

"Delaney" Harry's rough, flat voice said, my head dropping low.

"What, Harry?"

"I apologize for not being honest with you." He said, getting my head to lift, turning to face him. "I don't ride horses anymore" He emphasized.

"Let me guess, I can't ask why" I huffed, tired of the back and forth.

His head shook, "I'd rather not talk about it, no" 

"Okay, well. Thanks for apologizing, I guess"

I commanded Baylor to start walking when Harry stopped me again.

I groaned, stopping Baylor.

"You know Harry, I could've been done already. If you don't want to help, you could've just told me. I need to get this done. I have a lot of stuff to do today. I asked for your help because I figured you'd actually be helpful" I huffed.

I swear he flinched, his jaw clenching as he nodded.

"Sorry for disappointing you then" His voice was monotonous with a hint of sarcasm and... disappointment? 

Shit.

"That's not what I meant" I groaned, my entire body wanting to just crumple into a ball on the floor.

"No, Delaney. It's exactly what you meant" He glared.

"No it's not—" I quickly defended, wishing I could just shut up and let him be mad at me; it would be a hell of a lot easier than bickering with him.

"Sounded pretty fucking crystal clear to me" He interrupted, frustrating me further.

"Goddammit Harry, will you just shut up for two seconds! That's not what I meant! I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and I have a lot to do! I swear I can't say anything without you getting mad at me and it's tiring!"

"You asked me for help!" His voice raised, nostrils flaring slightly before he took a deep breath, rolling back his shoulders, his Adam's apple visibly bouncing as he swallowed.

"I thought you'd be helpful!"

"I'm trying!"

"How?! You stop me every time I try to make progress!"

"I haven't ridden a horse in almost two decades, Delaney! I want to help you, I just don't remember how exactly" He grumbled, his hand moving up to brush against the tip of his nose before falling to his side and pulling at the end of shirt, attempting to straighten it out more, followed by running his hands through his hair, a few pieces falling down against his forehead.

"You could've just said that, you know. I would've helped and we could've avoided this entire song and dance you like to put us through" I huffed yet again, wishing I could strangle and kiss him all at the same time.

"My job is to help you. My job is to do what I'm asked. I.." he paused, chewing on his lip for a second, his eyes narrowing, "I can't do my job, when I don't know the task"

My head tilted, "Why do you view everything as a task?" I asked, brow furrowing as I licked my lips, rolling them.

"You assigned me the task"

"No," My head shook, "I asked for help" 

"Same thing"

"No Harry, it isn't. We're doing the task together. I just.. I don't understand why everything feels like a game to you? How many times do I have to tell you that this ranch is a team effort? I don't expect you to know everything! Or to get everything done in one day! If you're afraid of horses, or don't know how to ride a horse, you could've just said that. I wouldn't have pushed you any further, or made fun of you; I could've helped you if you had told me. Can you please, please, stop viewing me as the enemy? I'm trying here, Harry and you just keep shoving me away! It's frustrating, and tiring, and honestly? I'm getting sick of it"

"I haven't ridden a horse since I was ten" he said abruptly, shutting me up.

"What?"

"I haven't ridden a horse since I was ten" he repeated.

"Yeah, no, I heard you the first time. Explain further please?"

"No"

"No? Harry—"

"Stop! Stop pushing all the goddamn time! You want to talk frustrating?! That's frustrating! You act entitled, like you deserve to know everything! I'm starting to miss when you were quiet, overthinking to yourself. You don't need to know everything, Delaney. You say I keep playing games with you, then what is this? I tell you something and you just can't leave it alone!"

"I'm just trying to understand you better" My voice cracked, my chest feeling heavy as I watched him glare at me.

"Well don't. Just teach me how to ride this damn horse so I can get this over with" he roughly replied, walking towards the barn, his back to me once again.

I took a deep breath, attempting to collect my spiraling emotions.

 I'm starting to miss when you were quiet, overthinking to yourself.

Trust me, I hear you loud and clear this time. 

"Come on slowpoke!" Harry called out, my eyes widening slightly as the burn intensified.

Did he just...?

* * * * 

Harry shaved his head. This was not on my 2023 bingo card.

I would've had this out sooner, but I redid the entire chapter twice..

Written on: November 3rd, 7th, 10th 2023

Published on: November 10th 2023

Word Count: 3729

Part Eight - coming soon

[the-s1lly-corner]

HIIIII! (sorry if you're not taking requests rn) I was wondering if you could do a Jax x Reader who's like Spot from We're Lalaloopsy on Netflix? [fem] (specifically the Netflix one there's multiple Lalaloopsy shows/movies and they're all different) if you've never heard of we're Lalaloopsy, Spot is the best artist in the show, she loves painting, sculpting, anything like that. Spot is pretty innocent, always super energetic, but I would also like to add that the reader isn't upset by his jokes. Easily flustered, like, really, really easily. sorry if this was too specific 😭 Irrelevant note; I'm posting this anonymously because if my friends found out I made this request they'll bully me forever (I don't even think they have tumblr but wtv) again sorry if you couldn't understand this request, or if you can't do it. no rush!! <3

Jax x Spot (lalaloopsy)!Reader !

I know you likely mean that your friends would tease you for acting like this; but truly if its something you like and they make you feel bad you gotta let them know, unless you already have and they dont listen

In that case leave em!

I know you're likely being lighthearted but I will not stand for bullying RAAAAAAAH!!!

That said I hope you enjoy YAHOO!!

First things first, the fact that you're unbothered by jax's antics and pranks only fuels jax to keep trying to at LEAST get you a little annoyed

Thus leads to the two of you becoming closer; be it platonic or romantic ! Honestly at some point he starts stopping by your room just to chat with you

Sometimes watches you work on an art piece; I think I had a post recently with the cast x reader who draws and crochets.. and if memory serves me correctly I think I said jax would personally not be into it but wouldnt exactly turn you down if you offered (will blow you off if you guys are not friends, though)

And I think the same applies here; like sometimes he'll watch you work away and chat with you during the process but he wouldnt be too keen on making something for himself

Though I think if you got him to sit down and doodle with you he would draw some "scary" stuff (I.e. crude things or things that he can squeeze past the digital worlds censors) to try to bug you

But it doesnt really work; actually if anything you probably compliment him which totally throws him off

Attempts to ruin your innocence and naivety (not in a NSFW way ofc, this has been and always will be a SFW blog but the amount of NSFW reqs I've received over the past year is nuts and I feel I need to specify I mean this as SFW)

Like trying to introduce you to how horrible things can be

But it doesnt

Ruin you, if anything you show empathy

Just a sweetheart

Honestly the fact you're energetic is a good thing for jax since he can be all over the place, so if you can march his energy you guys can have a solid relationship, even if you dont match his mischief

Oh and hes definitely gonna exploit the fact you're easily flustered; casually slips in flirts and pickup lines when talking to you (if this is meant to be romantic), and flooding you with compliments just to get you all beet red

Little menace

But hes your menace

[windvexer]

Hello Chicken! 🐓 Often people list meditation as a "foundamental skill you need to have before starting to do magic / witchcraft". Do you agree? And also, what do you think are some of the other skills needed? Thank you for your time.

It's the year 1525 and you caught Old Lisbeth muttering to herself in the woods again. After much pressing she finally reveals to you that when she sleeps a fairy man named Grisbone takes her to a strange hill which has a hidden door. Together, they go inside the hill and feast on food, and when she wakes up she can hear the trees talking to her until the moon turns dark.

Old Lisbeth tells you about the Black Book and the loving affections of the Devil King, and how sweet the wine is, and how strange and lovely all the pale folk are under the hill.

You want to talk to plants. You want the Pale Master to give you a familiar friend, who will go out and steal cream while it's still inside the cows. You want to sign the Black Book and dance until dawn. You ask Old Lisbeth to teach you how to do all these wonderful things.

"Very well," she says. "I will go down to the hill tonight and ask Grisbone if you too can join us. When I have the answer, I will return to you."

You stay up all night, sick with worry. What if you are denied passage? What if you will never listen to the whispers of the plants, or know the companionship of wee devils who grant wishes?

Finally, morning comes. You finish your chores in a rush and fly out the front door, anxious to meet Old Lisbeth. She motions for you to join her in the woods.

"I have my answer from the folk under the hill. You may join us in our dances and feasts, and you may sign the Book. But first, you must complete a trial."

"Yes!" you exclaim. "Anything."

"First, you must wait for five hundred years for Swami Vivekananda to give a speech in Chicago."

"Who? What's Chicago?"

"Chicago won't exist for a couple of hundred years. Don't worry about that. A man from the East will give a speech, and then Americans will become very interested in meditation."

"Americans?"

"Never mind that. What matters is meditation."

"What the hell is meditation?"

"I have no idea. I've never heard of it before in my life. Anyway, just wait until the year 1960 or so until it gets really popular in a secular way, to the point where it's so stripped from its religious and cultural roots that people start to believe it's a universally necessary practice and start applying it to totally unrelated spiritualities."

"Okay, so I have to live for five hundred years until something called meditation gets really popular in a place that doesn't exist yet? And then I can meet the Lord of the Hill?"

"No, then you have to start meditating. You have to get really good at it."

"But you just said that witchcraft is a totally unrelated-"

"Well, you're not allowed a familiar until you do so."

"So... anything else?"

"Yes, you've also got to learn visualization and energy work."

"What the fuck?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Honestly, I thought they might have been making up some of these words."

"Did you have to do any of this?"

"Of course not, it doesn't make sense. I was churning butter one day and praying, and I saw Grisbone and he took me under the hill, and when we came back I had finished churning the butter. That's how I got started."

"So why can't I do that?"

"Because in the year 2007 someone will make a website called Tumblr, and people are going to start making up a lot of rules about witchcraft. And the gods and spirits feel so bad about how ridiculous those clown fools will look that they decided we had better start changing witchcraft now, so in half a millennium when people say meditation is a fundamental skill of witchcraft the spirits won't weep in despair."

[dipplinduo]

Blog Interaction Guidelines

So in the early stages of making this blog, I was once asked about "rules" for interacting, and pretty much responded with something to the effect of "I really don't have much to say outside of please be respectful and know that there's no place for hate/discrimination here". I have never ran a public blog before this and I felt a little weird telling people how they "should" conduct themselves. In fact, I still kinda do feel this way and prefer to deal with potential problems quietly. However, I've decided to revisit this idea now that this blog is nearing 800 followers. These guidelines are more specifically about things that have been happening repeatedly that I honestly just want to set some boundaries about:

- This is a dipplinshipping account, so the content posted/reblogged here has and will continue to be about dipplinshipping and pokemon. No hate to other fandoms or even other ships - I'm just not necessarily going to interact with unrelated content because it's outside of the scope of this blog. (Referencing other medias in asks about dipplinshipping/pokemon is totally fine, though!)

- I do not take headcanon/writing requests for OCs. Again, no hate, this is just not a self ship blog. I do take headcanon submissions related to dipplinshipping (and react/add onto them). I don't mind headcanon requests about the ship either because it's related.

- Please do not spam my inbox with repetitive messages. And by this I quite literally mean verbatim, word-for-word messages. (They're often unrelated to anything, too). I consider this harassment at a point.

- Please do not submit underaged/graphic/horror content, and/or ship content about minors and adults. Yes I've gotten these, yes they're highly inappropriate.

- Everything in this post (TLDR - please don't send "demanding" asks about my writing, e.g., repetitive, insistent questioning regarding updates, not-so-politely worded “requests” to either abandon certain storylines or add something into a storyline, or expressions of high dissatisfaction/disapproval for when I’m choosing to write for something other than Sweet & Sour Dipplins, which is my most popular work.)

- If you don't like a character I like, that's fine. You do not need to interact with me about it. I do not interact with you about what you should like or dislike.

- If you don't like a fic I write, or the direction of my writing, that's fine. You do not need to interact with me about it. I do not interact with you about what you should write or not write.

- Don't call me an excessive amount of pet names on anon (it seems to occur here almost exclusively). I appreciate kind messages, but this kind of behavior comes off a bit creepy in excess considering I don't know who you are.

- The same honestly applies off anon too, and includes comments that are borderline offensive toward me or others when being "playful". I want to interact with you and have fun! But please remember that if you don't know me personally, we are still very much strangers/good acquaintance mutuals, not close friends who are bantering. (You're more than welcome to call me out if I ever cross your boundaries with stuff like that, too; your comfort is equally important to me.)

- In general, I want to keep the anon feature on if possible because I know it helps some people express themselves with more ease. I've had to turn it off at times because people seemed to a little too comfortable with the feature. Right now it's on again; please don't ruin it for others. I don't want to have to do this since I consider it a very last resort, but I might just start blocking users who are being inappropriate on anon if necessary, as I can't identify who you are and have a conversation with you.

- Don't bash other people's ideas or say x is better than what they're saying, or whatever. Creative spaces are not a competition, but an opportunity to share and collaborate? And frankly, I'm very thankful to anyone who sends me ideas or reactions or whatever. I do not want anyone to feel discouraged from sharing. I will delete your comments or asks if you don't have nice things to say about others and their ideas. Be respectful.

- People seem to have the impression that I own servers on discord. I do not own any servers nor am I looking to continuously advertise servers that are not mine. Please go to the appropriate people if you are interested in joining a server.

- I try my best to keep this blog more on the PG side since this audience is more generalized/might have more variety in age. Many of you may follow me because I'm the author of Sweet & Sour Dipplins, where there's a time skip that ages the characters and has a suggested audience of mid to late teens and up (and in general is meant to be more in this YA genre). It's more than okay to send me stuff that references some of the themes depicted in there and in other works I may write for audiences that go beyond a general audience. I often get really funny and iconic asks in this direction, actually. But! Know that because I'm aware of the general audience on here, I might not be able to post and interact with you publicly about it (especially as people who don't read the fic don't have the context). I can interact with you more directly on spaces like AO3 comments! Otherwise, I'll try to message you to let you know you're hilarious. :)

- Regarding fics that are not by me & playlist recommendations: I actually would love to promote them provided it's related to dipplinshipping and they're appropriate! I just might need a little time to be able to sit down and screen through it myself because I want to be conscious of what I'm promoting, is all. So keep sending 'em!

I think this about covers it. If reallllyyyy necessary I might comment on this again? But I'm hoping not to, because at the end of the day I'm really just here to vibe and have a good time and I hope you are too. Please rest assured that if you aren't sure if you've done some of the things I listed here, that means you're probably fine. If you have, it's no biggie so long as the behavior stops (with the exception of the underaged/graphic/horror stuff; those I've just straight up handled so it doesn't apply to anyone as of now).

Thanks for reading, and feel free to let me know if something I listed here is unclear so we can have a better understanding of each other. And as always, thanks for your support and engagement! 💕

Lots of love,

dipplinduo

[thestobingirlie]

The take that Stancy happened in s4 due to the UD being stuck in 1983 resurfaced on Twitter. While I thought that could be a good theory prior to Vol2, it's such a stupid thing, really? If that were true, why would it only apply to one romantic relationship. The party would start hating Steve, Robin, as well if being stuck in time would influence feelings.

They say Steve said the truth about being over Nancy, so this came out of nowhere. I mean not really, he said the truth to Robin because that was how he felt that time but going on date after date and it simply not working out I think he did some soul-searching as to why this is. So, seeing Nancy and actively working with her for the first time in years brought some feelings back. Plus, it wasn't resolved at all in s2. They never talked it out, and Steve took the blame and internalized that. I think he believes now that he has changed, he can be there for Nancy in a way he thinks she deserves. She was the first person he loved, I think he will always love her. And as for Nancy, her behavior towards Steve was to me more confusing. I don't doubt she loved him at some point, but she had no problems moving on. She was out of that relationship long before they broke up. If Stancy is endgame, she needs more reflecting and explain herself and not just take Steve bc he's available now that she hit a rough patch with Jonathan.

yeah, i thought it was an interesting theory, and i do like the idea of the past coming back to haunt the characters, but i don’t think that’s what the duffers intended, and i think it’s a stretch to actually read the season that way.

honestly, with steve saying he’s over nancy, it really just depends on who’s interpreting that scene, because a lot of people think he’s just lying when he says that. but, like you said, even if he was over nancy that summer, after dating around for a while, and then being thrown back into a very dramatic and life-endangering situation with the only girl you’ve ever loved, i think it’d be easy for the feelings to come back.

especially when that relationship never really had any closure, and you’re haunted by the what-ifs.

for nancy, i think it’s more complicated. her relationship and love towards steve was so entangled in her grief for barb, and i think in s2 nancy wanted to move on from barb’s death, and it was just easier to leave steve behind too.

i think that, like steve, nancy never got any closure, but she buried any lingering feelings, and just didn’t let herself think about it (whereas steve kinda ruminated more on the relationship. though, because he totally blames himself, and doesn’t really realise the depth of the issues they had, he doesn’t have the total picture. which is another issue to be solved before stancy could have a healthy relationship).

nancy isn’t the best as dealing with her emotions, so again, i’m not surprised that something would come back up once she’s kinda forced to face him again. though, i think our girl needs a lot of therapy before she’d ready to be in a relationship with anyone lmao.