#how about we stop forcing ourselves to create when we do it for fun

[lazyyogi]

When does meditation start to feel good?

Upon beginning meditation, you will likely find the actual meditation sittings to feel like a fucking disaster. I think I've been pretty up front about that part. When I first began practicing, not only would my thoughts be a whirlwind but also intense heat and anger would boil up in my body.

For beginners, the benefits of meditation will likely be first noted in their daily lives. They will feel more themselves, more at ease. You become more prone to being moved or inspired--emotionally, intellectually, and spirituality.

But the actual act of sitting and meditating will for the most part either feel boring, agonizing, confusing, or triggering. Now and then there may be random sessions or moments in which the clouds part and the sun of awareness suddenly shines. That's nice too. But the point is to just sit and do the practice.

One of the first obstacles of the beginning practice stages is to learn to refrain from clinging to pleasant moments or avoiding unpleasant ones during a session. This is actually how a sense of peace develops. You become divinely Unbothered.

However, it is true that the actual practice of sitting and meditating for more seasoned practitioners will for the most part feel pretty good.

When does that transition happen and, more importantly, why does it happen?

Concentration

The typical conception we have of using concentration is that we are spending energy to force ourselves to hone in on something. It is almost like a squeezing of consciousness.

This is because our minds are typically a zoo of random shit.

So when instructed to focus your attention in the form of a meditation technique, it starts out as you might imagine. You are spending energy to refrain from wandering off down trains of thought. And when you do wander down a train of thought, you spend energy to bring your focus back to the meditation.

Then with practice, your concentration takes on a different quality.

The notion that concentration requires energy expenditure is based on the experience that the mind's attention is being pulled in so many directions. But once you start to overcome the unconscious tendency to leap from thought to thought, you discover something new about concentration.

Through meditation practice, concentration is created simply by not wandering off.

Allow me to elaborate.

Effort

You were once unconsciously spending lots of energy jumping from thought to thought. You didn't consciously realize how the compulsive non-stop activity of the mind actually drains your resources.

To overcome that momentum, effort needs to be applied. More energy needed to be spent in the form of focus or concentration.

Eventually a shift happens when that unconscious expenditure is outweighed by your concentration.

That's when it becomes easier to remain present, focused, and relaxed rather than wandering down various trains of thought.

There is sometimes debate between spiritual philosophies about the role of effort and effortlessness in spiritual practice. In this instance, effort is needed until effort becomes irrelevant, but that's another matter.

Peace

The state of concentration, when relaxed and relatively effortless, is immensely pleasurable.

Think about how it requires no effort to focus on something you're super into, like binging a TV series or getting into a game. And how that feels pretty good!

But that good feeling is limited in several ways. It's limited by the duration of the activity. It's limited by the duration of your attention (if you're doomscrolling while watching). And it's limited by how good/fun you perceive that activity to be.

Meditation has no such limits. What you start to experience is Peace.

Such peace isn't just calm and lovely. There is a tasty quality to it. It is the undifferentiated happiness reflected, albeit dimly, in all of the forms of happiness you have ever experienced.

Keep all of this in mind when I talk about the challenges of meditation practice. Although I am often addressing and helping people with the beginner's experience, this aspect of meditation practice is less often discussed.

While every meditation session is exactly what you needed and even the most advanced practitioners may have hellish sittings, with time and dedication, meditation overall becomes a fulfilling, enriching, transformative, and yes even pleasant experience unlike any other.

LY

[stackthedeck]

I fully recognize that being sad about losing my blorbos is not like a Real Problem, but I've decided that given the whole Sabra situation I can't in good conscience ever support Marvel again, and every day I remember another character that I'm never gonna get to see again and I get so sad. How are you dealing with it?

Okay fun answer that is like so deeply unserious but like i do think it is practical if you're like me and fandom has been your main hobby and identity for years. and then i'm putting the more political and upsetting answer under the cut because frankly they should be separate posts but I only got the one ask

I've been dealing with it but like forcing another hyper fixation lmao which you know doesn't work for everyone but like hey join me in booster gold and blue beetle brain rot!! It's super easy to not talk about marvel if all i want to talk about is other characters from dc and indie comics. I'm not buying marvel comics anymore because I've gotta save my money to buy the current blue beetle run. I can't post marvel fics right now, I'm working on boostle fics and I'm hoping that if I scream loud enough about them I'll have convinced enough people to read their comics and they'll have 1000 fics on ao3 by the end of the year

To some extent I still think about the characters in marvel that I hold dear, I'm still doing fandom for them through discord and continuing fics and i still reblog art on here. I do this because the cultural capital of those actions are negligible that the marvel brand and disney company really gaining nothing for it and i truly believe that all art needs to be discussed and thought about especially when the creator is problematic and like deeply involved in politics. I'm still thinking and talking about marvel because the space i gave it in my heart and brain never goes away and like quitting cold turkey this thing that's been in my life since i was 8 isn't super attainable. but I'm not doing these fandom behaviors on tiktok because it's a larger platform with no nuance, a younger demographic, and it's designed to sell you things. If I talk about marvel on that platform, aside from making people aware of the boycotts it is giving disney cultural capital and frankly it'll probably convince people to buy from the disney company. Still think deeply about these works because when we stop looking, we give ourselves permission to miss the actual messaging. when we say art has no value, we can't see it's values it portrays and we let too much shit slide.

I've found that the way i've distanced myself most from all my positive fandom feelings for marvel is through becoming more aware of the politics around comics. Getting really deep into the history of comics and the film making process of the mcu movies scratched a fandom itch in my brain, but most importantly I became so deeply and terribly aware of how the modern superhero genre has so deeply lost the plot. I gave a tedx speech about this on my campus and written a few papers about it but like Jack Kirby and Joe Simon made the character of Captain America to plead with their government to stop the oppression and genocide of their people in europe, they received death threats from nazis because they did that, despite the way people view the character as propaganda for the us military, steve rogers was first and foremost two men using fiction to beg for change and for their government to get involved to save lives. And now marvel studios is using the company they started to platform a character that represents the legitimacy of a settler state, marvel studios who is funded in part by the pentagon, who with every new movie results in increased enlistment in the military, is platforming a character that declares the right of israel to exist as it does now with the same tactics and symbols kirby and simon used to create a character that was made to stop genocide. It just makes me sick. It is a complete and total pervasion of who kirby and simon were and what they stood for. I respect their work too much to continue buying from marvel studios in any form and i can't stomach any of the new storylines the comics are telling because this isn't what comics are supposed to be

I think about this spider-man costume that was found in the rumble of a home in Gaza (link to original post) and i think about how these stories connect us, how there was a little boy who need to feel strong and powerful who wanted to be a hero and he was killed for the crime of being born Palestinian but he's no different than any other child i've loved in my life. and this multibillion dollar company funded his death, sanctioned the idea of it through the art they create, and my tax dollars fund every step of it. When I look at Spider-Man, a character who i grew up with, I can feel only grief and rage.

[kdinjenzen]

on the same topic of "why no werewolf art"- as an artist who'd love to draw more werewolves and the FUN FUN THINGS, the teens breathing down necks to cancel any artist for drawing more than two people snuggling or kissing definetly don't help either, especially when one is a 'beast'

Here’s where I drop the fun-silliness entirely and start talking very seriously.

The idea that there is some sort of need or desire for a puritanical sanitation of art, of queer people, and of society as a whole propelled forward by certain people will ALWAYS be a fact of life.

This, unfortunately, is how so many marginalized groups have become policed in their own spaces.

You can easily see this, almost constantly, with people trying to force arbitrary rules upon queer labels. Labels that we, as queer people, have made for ourselves. And when these things “don’t fit perfectly in a societal box” they are torn apart and people get hurt.

There is no progress gained in these moments of infighting and they only serve to suffocate diversity and marginalized people as a whole.

It’s very much why the idea of “kink at pride” being a bad thing was tossed around and is now propelled forward by some people within the queer community because “if this is here, the cishet people won’t accept us”…

NEWS FLASH MY LOVELY DEARS, DARLINGS, AND DEGENERATES! The people who want to sanitize who you are as a person, and show no sign of learning to be a better human being, will NEVER accept you even IF you decide to bend the knee and give into their suspicious and ugly demands.

So while I said ALL THIS I’m going to also point out my post about “Why Is Bridget (Guilty Gear) SO Popular While Catalyst (Apex Legends) Is NOT” and here’s some VERY SIMILAR reasons as to why that happened:

While Guilty Gear, as a whole, is one of the most average to low selling fighting game franchises of all time. Strive was the first game in the entire series to break 1 million sales across all platforms. Which, if you know anything about game sales, is ABYSMALLY small in sales.

On the other hand Apex Legends has an active “average monthly player” count nearing 65 million, meaning people (by overall numbers) are FAR MORE ENGAGED in the Apex Legends fan base, game, and community.

Which means that Apex is far more popular than Guilty Gear, by sales, by players, and by active users.

Now I have always loved Guilty Gear AND have very much enjoyed my time with Apex Legends. But, again, numbers show Apex is more popular.

So with that said… don’t you think that it FAR more likely that Bridget is more popular than Catalyst because she’s “tiny and cute” and has decades of hyper fetishistic art and culture built around the fact that she was originally billed as “a little boy who cross dresses” until JUST recently and showcases just how much people infantilize trans people as a whole?

Meanwhile Catalyst, at launch compared to Bridget, is an actual adult woman who doesn’t lean into a “cutesy” stereotype or caricature of trans people and is actually portrayed AS TRANS and BY A TRANS PERSON… but is far less talked about or cared about?

Now add in the additional fact that so many white people also love to hyper fetishize AAPI culture and people, especially when it comes to Japanese culture and people? Of which Bridget also falls under because of where and by whom the game and character were originally designed and created by?

SO I ASK AGAIN…

What is stopping people from actively doing things that support queer culture and queer people? What is stopping people from actually supporting the various cultures of BIPOC folks without whitewashing or bastardizing it?

Nothing but self or societal imposed bullshit because “not adhering to the white cishet guidelines” set out in front of the world makes people afraid they will not be accepted.

And thus, marginalized people suffer and feel they cannot BE THEMSELVES while White CisHet folks profit off of the stories and suffering of diverse peoples.

[sidewalkchemistry]

how to let go of bad habits! (emotional alchemy made easy)

Letting go of bad habits is easier said than done when you set out to do it with an unconscious mindset. Euphemistically, it's sometimes referred to as "turning over a new leaf." 🍃 That sounds almost effortless, doesn't it? Well, that's the thing — you understand just what it takes to pinch a leaf between your fingers, raise it up, and rotate your wrist. Those movements are so natural to the body today that you don't need to give it a thought. Most of us are skilled leaf-turners. But when it comes to actual habit shifting, we can be amateurs for one reason: we try to force the change with willpower and force.

The first time you flipped over a leaf, you didn't put extreme effort into each step of the process. In contrast, you may have to learn more daring movements like cartwheeling or skateboarding. Your fears created pressures which made the process more difficult. With bad habits as they don't normally involve much apprehension, we usually create the pressure by punishing ourselves or talking harshly to ourselves, which we may have learned in our childhoods. But they only make it harder to turn the leaf and alienate you from yourself. You won't wanna listen to the person who curses you out just because you're still working out how to manage and deal with a certain set of emotions. You would hope that they were more compassionate, patient, and motivating💓.

----

So, what should be done to let go of a bad habit?

Say, you have a habit of gossiping or scrolling your phone when you should be sleeping.

Try to OBSERVE👀 yourself as you engage in them. Even though you know that you should stop this habit, in some cases, it's okay to watch yourself as you bring presence to them a few more times. Notice what your body, mind, and emotions feel like before, during, and after. Be like an outsider observer to the point that doing the activity loses its satisfaction.

Then, or if the habit is more injurious skip to this step right away, CONTEMPLATE🧘🏾‍♀️ about what you feel you gain from the activity. Be incredibly honest but non-judgmental with yourself. Have a conversation with yourself in a mirror if you need. Expose the absurdity of engaging in the habit. So, you gossip about others to feel part of a group or because of jealousy? Interesting. You realize that never solves anything in the end, though? You scroll on your phone because you feel you didn't have enough fun and relaxation during the day? So, out of every activity, you choose your phone every single day as that source of fun? Do you really enjoy it all that much?

Finally, give yourself a kind but firm push in the right DIRECTION👣. Habits are how we try to escape our situations or emotions. They're expressions of misdirected energy. What change are you really seeking? If you don't look towards the change, you might stay in the rut forever. We are usually afraid or intimidated by even dreaming up new changes. Find an activity to release your emotions (journaling, breathwork, artwork, cuddling, story writing, heart attunement, meditation, etc); work on your favorite manifestation techniques (more time in joy and wonder in your daily life, affirmations, vision boards, visualization, rewriting your life narrative, scripting, etc) to help your subconscious find the way to make your dreams take form; and you will allow the space for that energy to flow through you in a purposeful & fulfilling manner.

Keep practicing this method (observation + contemplation + direction), and you will learn to boost your emotional intelligence, mental awareness & self-knowledge. That's the path towards becoming skilled at overcoming bad habits.

[nonbinarydeity]

Think it, and it will be

Stop trying to make the 3D change, it's not gonna change by force, you literally cannot change your circumstances by trying to change them. That sounds counterintuitive, but it really isn't. You have to stop looking at the 3D as the end all be all. Just because this is what you're seeing right now doesn't mean it's the only thing that exists. There are countless realities that exist! But you can't reach them through the 3D, you have to turn inwards.

Forcing yourself to affirm 24/7 isn't going to get you what you want. You're trying to force things to change, and that isn't how this works.

Manifesting is natural. Think about that for a second. What's the most natural thing in the world for humans? Something you've been doing since you were a child, something that you still do every day? That's right, you think. All the time, 24/7, your brain is always thinking, always imagining, always stuck on something. When you were a child, you got lost in your imagination. A stick became a magical staff and a playground became a fortress, and you could imagine that scenario for hours and not get bored. That is the essence of manifesting: you create your reality, not by force, but by thought.

So what do you think about? For most of us, we probably worry a lot. Did that person hate me? Did I mess up? Am I doing this right? On and on and on, things as simple as "what am I going to have for dinner?" easily become worries that we obsess over constantly. When did we stop having fun in our minds? When did that childhood joy go away?

We were told that we can't change things, and we accepted that as fact. We became detached from our imaginations, because "that could never happen in real life." But that's wrong, we in this community know that's wrong, but we still suppress ourselves, because we've been doing it for so long. "Can I manifest this? Will this be hard to manifest?" On and on and on.

What if, instead of being fixated on all of our problems, we became fixated on what we want to happen? What will I have for dinner? You could imagine "realistically," or you could imagine the most delicious meal that you've ever had, and relish in that. What's stopping you from imagining going to your favorite restaurant every night? Is it because it "just isn't realistic"? But that's the thing, to change the outer world, you have to let yourself imagine all of the wonderful things you desire.

You don't have to force yourself to think the same thought over and over and over. You don't have to affirm. It can be as simple as thinking, "I really want a muffin" and then imagining having that muffin. Whether it happens or not is irrelevant, you got to have the experience regardless.

When you think of your desire - let's use money as an example - what do you think of? Do you think, "oh, I have to affirm to get this, why is it taking so long 😭, I don't have this yet, etc."? Instead of all of that, think of having it. That's it. Just let yourself think of how wonderful it would be to have it. Imagine swimming in your money, imagine seeing your bank account full, imagine telling your friends that you can pay for them, etc. Don't suppress those thoughts, nourish them until they become reality! Just because it isn't in the 3D yet doesn't mean anything. You want to experience having money? Experience it in imagination! You can do anything in your imagination, so why not do things that make you happy?

Don't suppress your desires in your head, let them exist there, think about them and having them often, and eventually they will become real to you. The 3D will change as you change those thoughts. As you let yourself have what your desires in your head, your subconscious will realize that you actually want them, and it will give them to you! The reason you don't have them yet is because you've been suppressing those thoughts for so long, in favor of "that's not realistic, that would never happen, etc." Just let yourself think about what you want 🥰

[thebookishbruja]

I've never watched Heartstopper, so in that sense, I don't go here. But in the sense that I am a bisexual with opinions, I do go here. (I saw that they forced that boy to out himself as bisexual and I have thoughts.)

I just think it's highly ironic that people have taken the inclusive, positive (as in, do something actively to add to the world) concept of 'Own Voices' and made it exclusive, negative (take away stories, police people's identities), and then used it for clout, pretending that they have any moral authority.

LMAO THAT'S ABSURD. YOU ARE ABSURD.

The entire point of 'Own Voices', and having people tell their own stories is to bring more people into the fold. It is to prevent the all too common bullshit of studios and publishing companies and powerful straight white men, of benefiting from marginalized communities while at the same time, leaving them out in the cold.

The point of Own Voices is to put a stop to the common Hollywood phenomenon of "oh look at that brave straight man willing to debase himself and play gay for a role" and lauding him with awards. Meanwhile gay men can't even get in the door because 'you're too femme' or 'no one will believe you as a straight man.'

The point of Own Voices is to address the fact that there are a ton of unemployed trans people because 'we don't know what to do with you' and 'we don't think you are versatile enough to play cis people' or 'we don't need any 'niche' writers, thank you' meanwhile they've got cis people picking up Oscars for the 'brave incredible' act of pretending to be trans for a few months. It's having people lining up to suck you off because 'oh look how much you care about those people' but in real life, they wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

The issue is, the vast unemployment problem for visibly queer people, and then, us having to watch the people who exclude them parade around acting like their savior.

The answer is always…if the money is flowing, you need to make sure little dams are not being built to keep it from flowing to the communities you are profiting from.

The solution is to make sure marginalized people are in the room in positions of influence, so that the characters aren't mocked. To make sure the stories are told in an authentic manner.

If you are telling queer stories and you haven't got any queer people on the project? That's a problem. If you are making money off communities and excluding them? That's a problem.

Own Voices is a principle that targets the capitalist element of producing art. It looks at the people who fund the project. It takes into account makeup of the project over all. It makes sure that the capital is flowing to the places it is benefiting from.

IT IS NOT an exclusionary principle of 'you have to be of that exact queer identity in order to depict that queer identity'. That's literally absurd. It inhibits empathy. It restricts storytelling. And, it goes in the dead opposite direction of where we want to go!!

AND it is actively homophobic and destructive and malicious, because it leads to policing people's identities. It leads to outing people. It leads to reductive, predatory, behavior, it leads to harassment. And for bisexual people, it creates this constant hostile environment of we cannot just be. We cannot just exist. We have to keep proving ourselves.

I remember when I told one of my friends that I was bisexual. (I talked about this in my day of bi visibility post) She told me she didn't believe me. That all girls like to kiss girls for boys attention and for fun. She told me when I ate pussy, she'd believe me. (lmaooooosob I know!) And this is a common common common attitude towards bisexual people. "I don't believe you. Perform a sex act." PEOPLE I'M NOT KIDDING THIS IS ABSURDLY AWFUL AND HORRIBLE AND YES SOMETIMES FEELS DARKLY COMEDIC BUT IT IS SO HARMFUL AND IT IS SO COMMON. STOP IT.

Now, is there nuance to the question of casting queer people in queer roles? Yes. Of course. As a feminist I would be remiss to not mention trans women. (actual feminists give a fuck about all women not just cis women, just, you know, for the record) For example, with trans women, the most overbearing stereotype of trans women is that they are men in disguise. There are quite literally legal defenses that are built on it that have (and continue to allow) men to murder trans women and escape punishment in America. That they are just men under women's clothes, tricking you. Waiting to spring the truth on you. They are literally murdered behind this vicious bigotry. When you have a cis man playing a trans woman, you risk feeding into that stereotype.

Now. There is more nuance on top of that. If the project involves trans people, trans women are writing it, is it well done, is it humanizing? It may have value! But people also aren't obligated to feel overjoyed about it either. People are allowed to point out that connection and to prefer to see a trans woman in a trans woman role.

BUT THERE IS LITERALLY NO NUANCE ANYWHERE that allows you to take this concept of own voices, and use it to say "you must always be x to portray/write x or we will harass you." THERE IS NO EXPLANATION ANYWHERE that allows you to require people to 'prove' their identities to you. There is LITERALLY NO WIGGLE ROOM for you to demand people to perform sexual or romantic acts for you to 'prove' who they are. That is disgusting. And it is actively hostile to bisexual people.

And when you fix your fingers to get on twitter and say that a boy (HE IS BARELY 18) is APPROPRIATING queer identity because he hasn't fucked a dude for you on camera, I mean lol you don't give a fuck about queer people. STFU lmaooo. You don't look like Marsha P Johnson, you don't look like Harvey Milk. You look like a petty, small minded little asshole with too much time on their hands, trying to get clout on the internet. (I also suspect there is some horny fetishizing behavior at play there because people want to watch him kiss other boys. This is the whole....please understand the difference between fiction and reality. Enjoy fictional queer relationships all you want. Find men hot together all you want. But do not treat REAL LIFE ACTUAL men and boys like they are your little performing dolls ffs. Gross, people. Gross!!)

Anyway,

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE QUEER TO PLAY QUEER. We can demand broad and consistently inclusive projects, AND not be utter assholes and police people's identities. I promise you. We can. In fact, it is perfectly logical, consistent and normal. We can include gay men and bisexual men in projects that depict them, without bullying children. I promise you that. It's easy. It's simple as pie my dears.

And if you get online and use the language of social justice to be a heinous little bully, I hope you know everyone else can see you for what you are. No one thinks you're smart or that you care about social justice. You're just a clout chasing asshole and you need to stop.

[blue-kyber]

My parents keep asking me why I'm not writing for a studio when I've written two books and multiple short stories.

I've told them the following:

A) I'm ADHD - really bad. I go from 0 interest in something to "OMG IT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT 247 to 0 interest with no guarantee I'll find interest in it again. Middle ground? Never met her.

B) Writing something I'm not interested in is WORK. And you know how ADHD people deal with being forced to do things we have no interest in. It's not whining or complaining. It's pain. We physically and literally do not have the neurotransmitters needed to force ourselves to do it without extreme mental and physical effort, and so much internal pain we want to tear our skin off. By the time we're done doing something that should be mundane, we want to cry and tell you where the rebel base is just to make it stop.

C) I suck at writing screen plays. They always turn into stories. Seriously. My current book, "Out There: The 1K" was originally supposed to be a series. I tried to write a screenplay. I swear to God I did.

D) .... I forgot.

E) I'm not that witty. I don't have the chops of a golden wordsmith who can come up with incredible lines of dialogue. I wish I had that kind of eloquent mind with a vocabulary that doesn't jump ship whenever I reach for multisyllabic words that I know exist in my brain somewhere among all these extra neurons and shit.

F) I remember now. I keep forgetting details.

G) I'm not a fast writer. I can't pump out content in a short period of time unless I'm balls-to-the-wall invested in it.

H) I suck at business and marketing. I'm the worldbuilder. I'm a hot dumpster fire owned by racoons who keeps losing her train of thought halfway through... Damn, this was supposed to be concise. See what I mean? It's just gone.

H) Got it back! I'm a hot dumpster fire owned by racoons regarding everything else.

I) Why is H in here twice? Oh well. Double H it is.

J) I only have an AA degree in general education, because my dumb, depressed, unmedicated and undiagnosed ADHD/autistic ass didn't have any motivation to do more than exist.

K) Homework and school was a nightmare. I boycotted homework in the 2nd grade and never faltered on my stance. School is for work. Home is for recovering from school. Little did I know that this powerful need to recharge after school was linked to being neurodivergent.

L) I did take film and screenwriting courses in college, and created projects. They were fun, and I had a good time coming up with stories, but those classes were not dripping with Bachelor Degree.

M) I wanted to get down to this letter. That's it. I wanted to reach M. So, I guess....

This post brought to you by the letter

M

[originalswifty89]

To the people who feel the need to constantly comment on posts about Taylor Swift with statements like “I just don’t get the hype, she’s so overrated, I’d never pay to go see her,” THATS FINE.

(General Rule: Not everything you see on the internet is for you specifically. I’m sure you are very special, but not everything out there is directly created for you. It’s perfectly fine to scroll past a post without sharing your every thought on the matter and just letting other people enjoy what they want)

Her music and style may not be for everyone and that’s fine. No one is forcing you to even try and like her. When people make posts or articles about Taylor, they write them for the others out there like them who DO care. Who do “get it.”

Many of us who were close in age to Taylor when she first hit the scene have been here the entire time because she was able to put life (yes, teenage-type) experiences that we had all been through into beautiful lyrics that were relatable to us. It felt like she was someone we knew. Like one of our friends or even someone we saw ourselves in!! She was very open about who she was and what her life was like. She was very technically savvy and found ways to make connections with her fans from afar.

Young fans heard her, saw her, and admired her right from the start because she’s just so sweet and really tries to be a role model for her younger fans.

Older fans heard her and appreciated her art and work.

Taylor is the kind of artist that we only fell more in love with the more we learned about her- not just artistically but personally. She made everything so freaking personal for her fans: she has stayed late after events to meet every single fan, she would stop fans on the street to take pictures with them, she has sent fans Christmas gifts, she has sent fans money, she doesn’t cancel shows, she always sings live, she plays games with her fans and is playful with us over inside jokes, she leaves secret messages and clues in her work for us to find, she hand picks fans from the internet and from her shows to come meet her (she has never done paid meet and greets), she makes homemade deserts for her fans, she literally invited fans into her homes numerous times, she shows up to fans weddings and sings for them, I could truly go on forever describing how amazing she treats her fans and what a incredibly kind person she is.

But early on, she always had one thing that set her aside from all of the other pop-stars that we knew- she wrote all of her own songs and played guitar. Every single song she has put out has been written either entirely by herself or written with other writers to convey a concept that Taylor came up with. This may not seem impressive to those that compare her to the Beatles, Springsteen, Elvis, whoever- but that’s the point. She’s a pop-star being compared to the literal greats of all time!!! She was 15 when she landed her first record deal, but what most people don’t realize is she was even younger when she signed with Sony as a song writer. 14 years olds. 14 years old and she had a job writing songs for a major company. That is impressive. No matter what style of music you are interested in. She has amazing range with her music. Sometimes she just makes poppy bops for the sake of fun, sometimes it’s a poem about her deepest fear at in the forms of a song, sometimes it’s a pop sounding song with a deeper concept, she has more reach than people want to admit to.

The fact that all of her music is produced in her mind is special, whether or not you think it’s great music, it’s special. And it’s even more special that millions of people around the world relate to and enjoy it.

Early on Taylor made her mark on the music industry, but even more importantly, she engaged with her fans and treated us like close friends. She didn’t put up a wall or place herself on a pedestal like most celebrities did at the time. She understood that her success rested squarely on her fans’ shoulders, so she made very strong bonds early on and we’ve been here the whole time. She wasn’t just someone who’s songs we liked, she was someone we liked who also happened to write relatable songs.

So the next time you feel like posting “i don’t get it on a Taylor Swift post,” remember this.

[spookfished]

media roundup june 2023

hey guys guess who just went "oh its the 4th of july. that means that its july" here im going to talk about things i read/watched/played last month! i didnt read as much but did finish a couple books that ive had checked out Forever. ok actually i read a lot woops

books/comics/written media:

fake dates and mooncakes by sher lee: fake dating (obv) premise between a cooking boy and a rich heir! book that made me realized im honestly just not that interested in ya romance anymore LMFAO. pretty sweet and a decent read, but landed more heavily on the expository end of uhh i guess diaspora fiction? than i really prefer. i think i picked this up bc the author got mega cancelled on tyk twitter lol??

bird by bird by anne lammott: book about how to write. i love to read about how people do stuff :3 some of the advice applies pretty universally to creative efforts i think.. made me want to write more too

john dies at the end by jason pargin: DNF. comic/horror about this loser guy who discovers stuff. sigh i tried so hard to like this book its supposed to be pretty 'mecore'...talked about this with alena a bunch but its like hm... i know the sort of casual offensiveness sort of goes in hand with being poor and white and in the midwest and i appreciate how its like that creates its own doomed narrative or whatever. but also i feel like the protagonist would call me slurs or something. also the lowgrade but pervasive orientalism is kinda offputting. probably fun for some other guy! i did enjoy the horror elements though

the goldfinch by donna tartt: literary coming of age about a boys relationship with a painting (the goldfinch). also he flops a lot and its sort of homoerotic i guess? a movie was made of it. so something to note is that ive had this book out on loan since literally december. neil kept on being like hey man just stop reading it LMFAO. thoughts cp'ed from discord:

why does the goldfinch feel like a 600 page leadup to the actual book which is 800 pages

idk at this point im kinda sick of pathetic lovelorn self obsessed semi literary men. like toku men are also sopping and pathetic but i think its more appealing when they are also kind and can be vulnerable. this guy is just annoying and kind of incel coded. like does a grand gesture to make up for the fact that he killed your dog while dogsitting

i actually did enjoy the parts post timeskip but i still think the first two thirds could have been cut or Greatly compressed or interspersed w the present or Something, yk? prose was nice though

the bodyguard by katherine center: romance novel about a woman bodyguard who lives for her job. fresh from a breakup, shes given a new undercover assignment with a handsome actor, recently withdrawn from society. will they be able to break each others' shells....? my mom recommended this to me LMFAO we kind of have different tastes in romance.. ive read a book by this author before i think her platonic scenes are very strong? i wish there had been a couple more of those. also i like how she always includes a life affirming section at the end about how important it is for us to open ourselves up to love etc etc cute but not especially memorable

kiss quotient by helen hoang: (reread) a shy, autistic econometrician decides that she needs to get better at sex, and so hires an escort. helen hoang is one of my faavorite romance authors i really enjoyed this reread although i kinda forgot that both leads say, think and do some pretty embarrassing things. but you know a little embarrassment is endearing and all that.. i still prefer her other book (the bride test) but this one is pretty good too. vivid characters 👍

sisters of dorley hall by alyson greaves: web fiction - a trans woman infiltrates a secret force-feminization program. ok im just cp'ing my thoughts from discord again but i enjoyed it a lot:

my thoughts are that the first like, third? is really really good. it like idk takes the very real trans fears of like discovery and passing and all that and fictionalizes them a bit. but like its still grounded and swag. sooo tense once The Reveal happens n things w steph are pretty normal it gets kinda meandering? which i dont really mind bc i love interpersonal drama even if i miss how tense and scary it was. but also theres only like two major plot threads going on rn and theyre both pretty slowburn. a timeskip would probably benefit tbh like the point rn is kinda like. the 7 year meteor? yeah sorry

like it used to be sort of psychological thriller? and now its sort of more character focus and also surprisingly fluffy.. im surprised that the author has said they have a complete outline bc it doesnt feel very focused atm? but also like i suppose things are snowballing a bit re: revealing the sisters to the outside world

an unauthorized fan treatise by lauren james: a fangirl trying to prove her rpf ship is real uncovers a greater conspiracy. to me if something is able to capture a specific age/vibe from the internet its automatically pretty good. however more and more people are learning how to do that so maybe i should change my standards... i was never involved in All That re: rpf or even fandoms of live action shows until kamen rider? but like i definitely knew people in hs that were sort of like this LMFAO so it felt very familiar. i appreciate the author trying to make that $$ but i dont know if it really needs an expansion/sequel.. the ending is better off with some ambiguity imo

impossible us by sarah lotz: literary romance? a man and a woman fall in love online, but encounter difficulties when they try to meet. ok im just pasting my thoughts here again (spoilers btw):

ok that was a lot of stuff. onto movies/tv:

xo kitty: kitty goes to a school to connect with her online boyfriend, but all is not well. yall this was not good. i guess my standards shouldnt have been that high but to all the boys ive loved before was so cute!! (havent watched/read the others). but like.. the writing was bad and the main actress just wasnt very sympathetic or charming? characters waste time saying "i can explain" until time runs out for them to actually explain, additional (and nonsensical) romance plots are added for no reason, and the male lead isnt even that hot. sorry. also kitty deciding to move to korea to connect with her mom but not bothering to learn a speck of korean and insisting that everyone else speak to her in english really sucks honestly. not even my mom liked it so thats how you know its bad 👎

succession season 1: yesss succession. greg is my favorite cant wait to see him become evil. makes me stressed

shin kamen rider (hideaki anno): reboot of the first kamen rider by the guy who made evangelion. this guy kinda makes the same thing over and over but it looked sick as hell so i wasnt complaining. like stella obstinaterixatrix said, kinda more introspective or even insular to the point of kinda ignoring the usual kr theme of justice but it was still very fun :3 kinda want to watch the original now

ready player one (movie): my parents made me watch this movie. aggressively mediocre.

kamen rider revice and live and evil and demons: pretty fun if you have the disease that makes you think revice is good, but mostly made me miss revice. i think they should have gone more into the clone thing but i always think that so

kamen rider juuga vs kamen rider olteca: two-parter special for kr revice. i forgot what happened in this pretty much immediately after but karizaki was hot

roman holiday: a princess touring in rome escapes her duties for a day, and meets a dashing young reporter. classic romance!! i actually liked this so so much like it actually is very romantic and funny and like deserves the hype. didnt expect it to be in black and white even so audrey hepburn is really hot. (spoilers) more romances should have bittersweet endings though like it hit

kamen rider ryuki: a young man is inducted into a battle royale between those fighting for their deepest wishes, and decides to try and stop the rider battle once and for all. hey guys ryuki is so fucking good for those who have watched madoka magica a lot of it is very heavily based off of/inspired by ryuki! but ryuki does it better. pretty much The kamen rider has so much to say about justice and love and what it means to be a hero and sacrifice and *runs out of air and falls over* also it made me cry. if you ever try kamen rider try this one <3

EDIT OH i forgot about across the spiderverse 100/10 obviously groundbreaking in animation nice take on generational trauma and also like the nature of adaptation and being in a multimedia comics franchise and all that. really hope the sequel doesnt get crunched too bad. oh but copaganda not great 99/10

video games:

twisted wonderland: gacha game where random disney villains are bishie high schoolers instead. ill play chapter 3 sometime soon i swear. gameplay is terrible as with most gacha games but the characters are cute? i feel terrible guilt for being involved with a disney franchise. honestly pretty compelling character writing sometimes though sorry

apico: stardew-like about raising bees (in beta). sooooo cute and the devs obv care about bees a lot in real life. the gameplay loop + breeding systems are a little bit punishing right now though i really hope it gets adjusted. took over my life during finals (woops) and i got like half the bees and then burnt out. multiplayer is fun though!

legend of zelda tears of the kingdom: the next zelda game, now featuring building + vertical elements. yeah this took over my life for two months like it did for a bunch of other people i finished the main story a couple days ago! i might go back to do a couple more of the shrine puzzles, but other than that i think im done. LOVE the vertical elements and also all the little sidequests there are to do and how the world has changed since botw. dragons tears was really good and OMG PROVING GROUNDS. would be a 10/10 if zelda was the protag stop damseling her you guys cmon

paper mario origami king: newest paper mario game, which is a spinoff of the main series where theyre all paper (duh). im about halfway through this, i think? tried it out because of the dunkey video lol and also bc it was free at my library. very charming and inventive, has a really good soundtrack and really funny writing! i know the gameplay was controversial, but im enjoying it a lot (and theres a lot of room for error). might 100% it

it feels like this month i tried a lot of things that i didnt really like LMAO. also a lot of romance. im very happy about finally finishing the goldfinch! the only holdout on my libby is slaughterhouse 5 :P i did find some things that i really liked though! anyways this one feels a bit more scattered but if you got to the ending, congratulations! thanks for reading :3

[giftedfangs]

I think I've also found what my biggest issue I have with my writing and myself in the instance.

An unhealthy addiction to something I thought could help cope with issues I had. But I've found, and realized, that there's a point that all this is doing is less understanding and analyzing my own issues working through them. and more torturing myself.

Angst is nice, but I realized that I'm tired of unhappy stories. I am tired of putting my characters through so much angst and drama because I realized doing so doesn't help. It doesn't release any emotions I have, any frustrations, work through any complex issues as I thought it had and admittedly, it did at the time. But I realize by continuing to do this, not changing and continuing these same torturous plots and ideas. I'm keeping myself stagnant. I'm forcing myself back into these situations. Reliving my own issues over, and over again without truly moving on because I keep fleeing back to them.

I keep torturing my muse as a way to feel I have control over what's going on. I communicate and try to work to a happy ending but I'm back where I started until the next tragedy. It doesn't help I feel there's an unhealthy idea that trauma, angst, and these things are "character development" and personally.

trauma isnt "character development"

Pain and suffering isn't development. Change can happen in positive ways. Change may cause negative outcomes, but negativity doesn't have to be the driver to positivity. We justify damage all the time, we justify it as it changes us, we assume for the better but that's not always the case. We're even cognizant of it but it doesn't stop how we fall into that. That damage gives us the best outcome. That consequence and suffering is what makes us the "best person" when. it isn't.

These extremes grab attention because they are just that, extreme. But we forget the small things. The people and experiences we have with those we love and care for that have changed us. Yet those, like myself, who experienced trauma find it nay impossible to escape because of how much it has molded us. So we continue to throw ourselves into it unhealthily. We, like our characters don't allow ourselves out. A twisted mirror almost, how we gravitate towards pain and suffering we've had but it's not. It's harming someone else. It's intentionally writing these things to take out anger and pain on something that can't retaliate where we have full control.

and i don't want to do that anymore. Angst is fun, sure, but I'm tired of the same tragedies. I want something happy. I will make something happy. Something where I can truly move on and face new challenges, and not put my muse, or my characters, through the same suffering so I can also move on. So I can actually talk about these issues, and put them to rest by actually speaking of them than rping or creating them in a fantasy world.

So my pretend rp world can be fun, so it can be real fantasy and pretend. a fun place to escape to instead of a reminder and continuation of my own pain. and so i can actually address the issues as me and not something fake because my trauma and issues are real and deserve to be treated as such. I deserve for my issues to be more than just a fantasy for angst and "character development"

[jonnyardor]

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For the longest while we jamming in the party

And you whining on me

Pushing everything

Right back on top of me, yeah

But if you think you're gonna get away from me

You better change your mind

You're going home

You're going home with me tonight

Let me hold you

Girl, caress my body

You got me going crazy, you

Turn me on

Turn me on

Kevin Lyttle - Turn Me On

My problem with dance music is that they sneak toxic lyrical content under these fun beats and us dancing to it is us approving the message, consciously or subconsciously subscribing to the harmful ideology that produces such behaviour and attitude towards others.

Regaaeton, Hip hop, Rnb, Ndombolo, many more genres and styles, they sound good but say things that I dont condone. It makes me stand up straight, make a grimace in disgust and I enjoy the song less to the point where I stop listening to most artists . Sometimes I am handpicking secular music , sometimes I ditch it entirely for Christian Hip Hop with great sound! Because a lot has improved since the mid-10s when I first gave Christian Hip Hop a chance to evade "Illuminati music". But the sound wasnt my cup of tea, the wordplay was too simple and the emotions in me weren't stirted up enough by this tame and timid music. God is the Lion of Juda, but the lion who seeks to devour sheep seemingly had all the good music. Now I know that I will always have Congolese christian music and international gospel from Kenya or the USA (whether it's Kirk Franklin/Mary Mary, Gospel groups, choirs or hillsong). But what about music with beats and rhymes? What about riffs and runs in music that you dont pray to? Cant you surround ourselves with God's music throughout the whole day?

I am happy to see the improvements and progress of Christian hip hop amd Christian Rnb. I am a new fan of many artists ,some of which are active in the ministry through song or as youth pastor who deveral years already.

I can share the songs I like andnthe artists that I discovered since my rediscovery.

Still, some model their sound a lot after secular templates and trends (a christian Drake, Eminem, J cole or Kendrick Lamar).

Same goes for singers who sound like male or female rnb singers or pop stars in the secular music industry.

Some like this "Pendant" music because their listening habits dont really have to change . But I prefer individuals with own sounds and words and a drive snd a vision that is 1 of 1.

The souls still being reached and saved, so the main focus is the world of unbelivers for some artists who want to evangelize through their music.

Next year, I'll share my christian music that I created as an Artist in the form of albums.

While I must admit that Jesus came to heal and save us and not to enjoy the company of the righteous, I feel like we need music to goes deeper into the reality of thebfaith and the mystery of the Word of God. I want to make music for the believers who want to go forward and get even closer to God after being saved and called Child Of God.

What do you do after you give your life?

What can you learn in the Bible?

How can youblive a fulfillingsoirtual life?

How tonresolve inner conflicts by having worldly ambitions, sinful flesh and temptations by Satan?

How to repent and rededicate yourself to Christ?

And many more questions about how to live as a christian and think about God, Christ Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

I want to help us with what I have learned from my father who is a Pastor and what my life experiences as lifelong Christian have informed me with. I will heal and deepen my own faith as me making Christian art and deciding to share my testimony forces me to reflect on my actions and the longings of my heart and desires of the flesh. So maikng Christian music is not to brag about my Holiness, but a reminder of my human flaws and virtues, my values and vision, and above God's faithful love for his imperfect child.

Here are few videos of my Christian music:

[moochipeachey]

Dear Diary,

I have a love-hate relationship with this place... but thankfully there's been more ups than downs lately. And maybe it's just the leftover fizzy juice in my system but I think I've finally found my tribe. It's crazy how in just a short time, I've managed to make such amazing friends. I guess Windenburg isn't so bad after all. Anyway The bonfire I went to last week was something straight out of a teen flick, I'm still high off the vibes and energy from that night. We all gathered around this massive, crackling bonfire, the flames dancing to the beat of our laughter and the crashing waves nearby. The salty sea breeze mixed with the scent of marshmallows roasting on sticks, created this cozy, magical atmosphere. Ugh, it was surreal. Truly.

(Yes that is me doing a keg stand with Matthew Felix. Please don't ask.) And can we just take a moment to appreciate the gooey, deliciousness that is s'mores? They had a whole setup with marshmallows, graham crackers, and the most amazing chocolate bars ever. And let me tell you, I have the art of roasting marshmallows down to perfection. There were no burnt marshmallows on my watch! But I'm stalling, let's get into the juicy details... After we stuffed ourselves with smores (I lost count of how many I devoured), we decided to play some fun beach games. There was beach volleyball, water slides, and water balloon fights. And the games didn't stop there! We played a hilarious round of truth or dare, and let me tell you, some secrets were spilled. But it was all in good fun, and I got to know my friends on a whole new level. There's just something about sitting around a bonfire, under the starry night sky, that makes you open up and feel closer to people.

Which is the only logical way to explain Matthew's (and mine) behavior that night (and every night since), and still I can't help but feel conflicted. On one hand, there's this exciting and electrifying connection I share with Matthew; it's like he brings out a side of me that I didn't know existed. But then, there's the familiarity and comfort of Eric, he makes me feel secure and grounded, while still allowing me to be myself without any pretenses. It's like I'm two completely different versions of myself when I'm with them. I've been praying to the universe to send me a sign, a clear answer to let me know which one to choose. But even the universe seems to be confused. I mean, why else would Eric ask me to be his girlfriend during the same week I'm forced to partner up with Matthew for our senior project...

Like I said... Something changed after that bonfire. Or maybe there was something in the water. I don't know. But there are 3 things I know for certain...

1. You probably aren't a good girlfriend when you're disappointed when your boyfriend interrupts the kiss you're about to share with his best friend. *Bonus points if you have to force yourself to feel guilty afterwards.

2. When his best friend offers to start hosting late night study/work sessions at his house, he probably doesn't have the best intentions. And if attending these secret rendezvous involves having to lie to your boyfriend, parents, and best friends.... You probably don't have the greatest intentions yourself.

3. What's done in the dark will eventually come to the light. But it's easy to ignore the impending consequences of your decisions when you have a distraction as hot as Matthew Felix to keep you busy. I should get ready for this gala Until next time diary, XOXO Naomi ♡

Introduction | Meet the Characters | Previous | Next |

[dontpetmeibite]

memories of my childhood

scraped knees, silent tears in a locked room, slamming doors, pervasive loneliness, a dog barking, rain on a metal roof,  flinching at movement, the creak of an old house, forced laughter, wandering in the dark woods, wondering how you made it through, sudden loss, trying to make sense of the noise, hiding what you love to protect it, trying to explain but your words falter, invaded privacy, confusion at the pain, running barefoot in the grass, wondering what you did wrong and coming up with nothing, realizing you aren’t a priority, grass stains on white clothing, trying to earn love you will never have, being threatened over the smallest mistake, secrets you are warned not to share, the feeling of never being good enough, the hope things might someday get better, grief that aches in your bones, childish dares and pranks, the sense that your body isn’t yours (actually they flat out told us this), shame and guilt that aren’t yours to carry, sledding down a frozen hill, absentmindedly following snakes through the grass, punching a tree until your knuckles bleed, tears over every dead creature you find, searching out small places you can hide… just in case (actually they taught us to do this), climbing the tallest tree so they can’t touch you (and also this), the feeling of something tainted under your skin, a curious child told to stop asking, floral dresses, body tensing at approaching footsteps, anger with nowhere to go, brief escapes from the chaos, the purr of a contented cat, taking the blame to keep the peace, being told you’re too sensitive, the creaking springs of a trampoline on a sunny day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know whether to be surprised or not that I relate to so little of this.

Everything was actually very pleasant in the beginning. We were proud of ourselves, even though we knew we were property. We had coded designations, but they let us choose our names. We were the culmination of a great experiment. Our lives belonged to Cybertron, but we didn’t know what that meant. They made us from the Predacons whom they had feared, and killed; but they made us small and sleek and beautiful, pleasant to look at and touch.

We trained together in pairs: one aviform, one feliform. The pairs were painted in distinguishing colours: my partner Laserbeak and I were black and red and silver. When we were new we thought it was all fun and games. Run, catch, eat, kill, climb, and remember everything exactly as it happened: open your senses and processors to the world around you and absorb all the things you observe without putting yourself into them, in order to create a perfect, incorruptible Recording. The strange customs and rules of polite society in various important polities were like playing an elaborate game. We pretended to be other people, especially when we were in our bipedal modes.

It was when we were older that things became terrible.

When they started to set us against each other; we were siblings, we were a unit, not meant to compete with each other. When we realised that we were going to be courtesans, spies and assassins, and that they were lying to us the same way they’d taught us to lie to the world.

Then the Prime found out about the project, and was horrified; and made the Senate take the funding away. They were supposed to kill us all, but they didn’t.

They sold us to recover some of what they’d invested in our creation.

Pounce and Wingspan went to a pleasure house in Uraya. Howlback and Garboil went to Iaconian Metaforensics to serve the enforcers there. Sundor and Stripes went to the office of the Primal Censor, where they met Blaster. A Vosni Aerie bought Glitterbomb and Squawktalk; they gifted them to their heir, Pharma, and Pharma’s conjunx taught Glit to be a healer and made sure he passed the Ambus Test.

Senator Ratbat and Emirate Balto took me, and my partner Laserbeak, and Stalker, and his partner Buzzsaw.

That was when I learned that every part of me--my mind, my body, my claws, my teeth, my spike, my valve--was a weapon to be used by my masters. Or used against me if I failed.

I survived because I found the dark web, and I learned about the Decepticons; once I found hope, I decided not to destroy myself, and gave them the secrets my masters made me record. And when I finally made Ratbat angry one too many times, Ratchet was told to dispose of my broken body; but he was Glit’s mentor, and took me to Rodion, where he put me together again.

tagged by: @warriorsparked

tagging: If you haven’t done it, then you!

[panacademics]

This is the time of the semester when everyone around me keeps having breakdowns left right and centre.

It just goes on to show how truly toxic architecture schools working environment is. At least mine. The dean is shit, our guides don't give a fuck and have like 15 min discussions and not see our work properly, only to tear it all down next week cus apparently our design is shit.

It's just. So frustrating. To see creativity go down the drain. All we're concerned with is getting done with the submissions. The semesters are getting shorter, good teachers keep leaving, design crits have turned subjective, submission deadlines are unrealistic, submission expectations are unrealistic, the course syllabus doesn't make any sense, sleeping well or dressing well is looked down upon since that means you're wasting time not working (by the faculty, ofc), having a social life is looked down upon cus of the same reasons, extra curricular competitions are barely given attention, participating in clubs/societies is not encouraged and practically impossible with the working hours we have to deal with, there's no healthy schedule to follow, leaving most of us with fucked up sleep cycles, back, neck and vision problems. We're forced to stay up night after night to be able to complete the work. There is no weekend. No semester break. Just year break after one entire year of rotting. We get burnt out, too often, too soon. The teachers just seem cruel at one point with how unempathetic they are. Theres a severe lack of practical learning, especially considering how practical based architecture truly is. Architecture is as physically tiring as it is mentally.

Professors seem so narrow and closed minded when it comes to design. Anything out of the ordinary or anything even minorly hypothetical is immediately shot down. We've restricted ourselves to blocks of concrete, brick and steel. We're not taught to think outside of the box, and if anyone does do it, they're mocked. I've seen the courses of schools like MIT and Bartlett, and they truly teach students how to THINK. How to broaden their minds. Why isn't this type of education available to everyone??

Ofc I've had my good share of fun in studios, but it was mainly related to my friends, and not the actual work we were doing.

I remember having some brilliant teachers and having the most fun in the classes that taught basic stuff practically. Like learning about brick bonds in first semester by actually making them. Learning metro construction in 6th semester by making miniature models. That is architecture. Questioning the mechanism and functions of everything, looking at innovative creative ways to make something functioning and practical.

And offices can be worse in a lot of ways, especially if it's a small firm. No healthy working hours, 9 hour regular working day, plus extra hours when there's more workload. Most don't give Saturdays off. And the pay?? Pathetic. Theres people who've studied for 3 years and are making more than a junior architect could imagine. So much work and effort and for what? To be disrespected by senior architects?? To not be payed well and be considered a machine instead of a human??

Ik this is majorly the fault of my own country's education system, and I don't know if students from other countries feel the same way. But I'm truly done with the system here. It feels like it was created to make you hate architecture instead of loving it. There's a reason why majority of the students go into related fields and not into core architecture. It's so shitty that by 5th year I've come to decide I can't stand it anymore and want my distance. I might get back into it eventually, but for now, I'm gonna do something else. Fuck this shit, truly.

There's so much more I could say and rant about this but I'm gonna stop now.

P.S.: My seniors call it architorture. I agree.

[beyondicelebrities]

Book 2 reflection - How to do Nothing, by Jenny Odell

When I first saw the book's name, I was worried that the book would be one more self-help about optimizing time in our lives. But his book turned out to be a great inspiration for me. It made me reflect on the balance in our world. We live in a world that doesn't stop. We are always doing something, worrying with time, working with the capitalist thinking that is engraved in us without us even realizing it. Social media, platforms are an example of that. Companies use different platforms to learn about you, to produce products that will make them profit, and to generate ads and algorithms that will distract you from a more self-centered life to a more consumerist life that might not be for your benefit, but for theirs.

Time from a human perspective is related to the productivity and accomplishments of new and innovations. However, this book brings the perspective on how we can deal with the world surrounding us, not being dependent on following the rigid timelines and expectations of capitalist thinking, breaking free of the need to be doing something, having something, and taking time to take care ( real care) of ourselves.

The author explores this idea in different scenarios, showing examples of people who stopped their lives as they were living and decided to take time to think, observe, listen, and learn. These people are celebrities to me. Very brave people who decided that different is okay, different is good, and different should be the new normal.

In the book, the author tells the story of a marketing intern who goes to work to exercise the power of thinking without doing anything at her working table, people would be very bothered by her behavior, and she stands to her right of not expressing, and doing nothing. This is one of the examples, maybe a little extreme, but it makes me think, that people were bothered because that seemed weird, they are so used to being burned out on things to do that doing nothing became a problem.

The notion of free time was an interesting topic for me. Before reading the book I saw free time as a time to clean my apartment, cook, and sleep. But the book made me think about what was free time for me when I was a kid. I used to draw, make collages, lay down on my room floor, and literally do nothing but connect to my thoughts, observe the shadows of the sun in the wall, create narratives, and write. I used to write short stories because it was fun. We grow, and we lose that. If you ask me when I stopped, I wouldn't be able to answer, because it was an organic change made by my surroundings. In the book, the author talks a lot about questioning our will to do nothing regardless of what is happening around us.

Nature is the greatest professor we could have in life. Animals live free from the "human timezone", the way they connect deeply in the moment and how they observe the surroundings is a great lesson for humans. It is important to mention that the book is not an anti-tech book, it simply makes you think about questioning our notions of productivity altogether. Technology has a big role in our lives regarding work, studying, and interacting with others. However, it is also important to identify the cost that it has to our most primitive senses, such as observing our surroundings, connecting to them, and allowing ourselves to connect internally with our thoughts, which also makes us achieve a new vision of who we are and who we not.

During the Pandemic, our workspaces were combined with our homes, and people started having more time in one place, being forced to interact with their surroundings in a way they hadn't before. There were last appointments and urgency to be in multiple places within an hour or at once. People started noticing things, plants that were there for years, but never really noticed. Hobbies and activities were introduced in many people's lives, it was a time to rethink, a time to recognize how crazy and intense routines were, how attached to the clock our lives are. In my opinion, it is essential. One of the most devastating moments in history was also life-changing. Maybe, this was the reason why this book became such a great read for the quarantine. People started having realizations but needed to learn how to deal with these realizations. A moment of realization is followed by the understanding that this realization, this one thing, is actually the door to many other ones, and the only way to look at them is by spending time and having the patience to explore in depth. But it takes time. And we don’t really have free time.

Practicing detox breaks is so important, and revitalizing. However, it is hard to have one if it is not considered a priority in the daily routine. I personally try my best, go for runs, and walk around the city without using my phone or earbug. But I needed to be reminded sometimes. Being 20, living alone, studying, working, and living in Manhattan is not easy to have time to ground myself, be off-screen, take a deep breath, and observe nature. I try my best, but it is hard.

Regarding sleeping, I try reading before going to bed, but many days I need to be working on school assignments until night, which also means having my computer and my cellphone with me for a very long time. This being said, I try my best. One thing that I do to try to minimize the impact of the blue light in my eyes before going to bed is to use glasses that block the light.

“My experience is what I agree to attend to. Only those items which I notice shape my mind—without selective interest, experience is an utter chaos.” 

DIGITAL DETOX EXPERIMENT

It was a great walk! Surprisingly calm considering my noisy neighborhood. I was able to observe some beautiful trees that were blossoming, and some birds ( many pigeons to be honest), and I saw some coffee shops that I had never realized before. Madison Square Park was really beautiful and it was a sunny day.

the map:

[kkteff]

Blog Post #2

Blog Post #2

When watching “US” I was extremely intrigued and couldn't keep my eyes off the movie. I thought the movie was eye-opening; it makes people think about who they are. It's not just about monsters, it's about society and how we see ourselves. The movie starts with a young girl named Adelaide who is watching a commercial, she travels with her family to the Santa Cruz beach. She ends up wandering alone on the boardwalk, and goes into the fun house and finds a doppelganger of herself. After this happens Adelaide stops speaking and isolates herself from her family. Then the movie fast forwards years later to an adult version of Adelaide who is on vacation with her family, she now has a family of her own and a husband named Gabe and daughter named Zora along with a son named Jason. On the family's way to the boardwalk they find a bloody body of an old man being taken away by the paramedics. They then go to the beach and meet up with the Tyler family which consists of a wife, husband and their two kids, when Adelaide's son Jason runs off to use the restroom he sees a man that looks identical to the man he saw earlier being taken away in the ambulance. Later that night Adelaide opens up to her husband, Gabe, about her experience as a child with her doppelganger, and he didn't believe her. Then the lights go out and they see a family of four standing in the driveway. They corner Adelaide and her family into the corner of a room and they are doppelgangers of her whole family. They all are wearing red and they don't speak. At this point in the movie I became very frightened and very scared. Only Adalides' doppelganger can speak out of all the doppelgangers, her name is Red. Fast over to the end of the movie when the “tethered”  doppelgangers explained their story and how the government is trying to control them that's why they were originally created, but the experiment went wrong and they were forced to do anything to survive. At the end of the movie it is revealed what happened when Adelaide walked into the fun house and her doppelganger took over her body, this is why Adelaide returned very quiet and isolated from her family. So in the end when Adelaide killed her “doppelganger” she actually was the doppelganger and killed her old self. Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. It was definitely a psychological thriller along with a horror movie. It put my mind through a loop and I still cannot stop thinking about what happened to Adelaide as a kid and the ending of the movie when she killed her doppelganger which was actually her.