#how it is to not be publicly out as trans.

[wildgeesedotpdf]

When the experience is alienating 😂

[doomed-jester]

If I've taken away anything from the Quinton Reviews situation, it's to never reach out to people I admire because they'll publicly shame me for being weird and awkward

[caughtonwebcam]

not a bunny shipper. I hc marj as a lesbian trans girl…

BUT—

[beesorcery]

google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power

[thewrldlooksred]

aaaaaaaah. need 2 start hyping myself up big time before late august hits, gamers ........ i would Like to commit to going "hey call me vee, they/them" for college but also ive quite literally Never asked anyone irl to :'] a few friends picked it up via my online bios anyway but. Hough. i have zero experience when it comes to Me and its scary !!!

i know damn well id be happier going by vee at the very least even if misgendered just. mhnhrhdghh. its a lot harder in person,,, hoping i have the strength to commit to it when its time !! still have a good month to wait though so. heres hoping chat

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

I need to talk with my transphobic friend bc he keeps traumatizing me lmao hahahahahhahahhaha

[tacticalhimbo]

covidsafehotties , a blog dedicated to covid pandemic resources run by a trans* woman, was deleted for "harassment" after mentioning that her abusive, tme roommate had drawn a knife on her. she simply mentioned that this roommate was tme (which does not mean inherently mean transmasculine; iirc this roommate was cisgender), received threatening and harassing anonymous asks for simply stating that she was a victim of transmisogyny, and SHE was the one banned.

edit: here is a [link] to the covidsafehotties discord server; and here is a [link] to a follow-up post i made about certain recurring comments/questions!

edit 2: here is a [link] the new tumblr blog, covid-safer-hotties! in case this one also goes down; to find a better archive of information, make sure to check out nadica's proboard dedicated to covid safety, which can be found at this [link] !

while nadica (blog owner) has privately stated that she is attempting to go through the appeals process, tumblr's email from @staff has made it clear that she as a transgender woman is not welcomed on this site.

just as they have numerous trans* women in the past week.

in fact, she received the exact same email as them, stating that "automatic means were not used to make this decision or identify the content at issue", meaning that real. human members of staff saw a trans* woman being harassed, talking about her experiences as a trans* woman, and banned her for daring to say so.

they even went as far as to state that she "[should not] engage in the unwanted sexualization or sexual harassment of others".

how in the FUCK is her sharing these experiences sexual? how in the FUCK is her being harassed by transmasculine folks on this site sexual??

just a reminder: here are details surrounding tumblr’s NYCCHR Settlement, which is publicly accessible information

Summary of NYC Gov. Settlements [ LINK ]

NYCCHR Settlement Documentation [ LINK ]

in case y'all really want to raise a stink over the "queerest site on the internet" raising their transmisogynistic paws (again). and from nadica herself:

" Can we all appreciate that even beyond the transmisogyny of the likely scenario, that this person disliked a single acronym [re: tme] I used so much that they got the most [active] and interacted-with covid blog on the site banned. i can't imagine being so cruel and thoughtless about any resource "

as a tme person, i stand with every fucking trans woman and transfem that tumblr has banned from this site for existing within the content guidelines. i stand with every fucking trans woman and transfem who has been harassed, stalked, and booted from this site because the moderation staff refuses to do SHIT about it.

and i stand with every other group who faces the same treatment. the dozens of black bloggers. the dozens of indigenous bloggers. the dozens of palestinian bloggers.

tumblr is not the queerest corner of the internet. it is not a safe space. and if i get banned for saying that, then fuck it and fuck every one of y'all who let it happen.

[coridallasmultipass]

(This is just an apology I owe someone I will probably never see again. Please ignore, I just needed to get it off my chest 16 years later. I'm not a good person, and I was very cruel as a teen.)

Hi. I'm sorry I wronged you. I treated you terribly when you gave me that letter. It was my fault, obviously. You were such a kind person to me, and we could have been great friends. You shot your shot, and that was totally normal and fair. I just want to explain why I reacted that way, because it was completely uncalled for.

I was living as a girl then, and had no idea that I had this trans man living inside me all along. I didn't know it, but my friendships with men felt so important and validating to me. I felt like I could be one of the bros without realizing that there was an actual personal reason why I needed that validation and mirroring. I guess, at the time, I would have chalked it up to 'daddy issues' from having a continually absent father figure,' which is incredibly reductive and dismissive, and was never genuinely my issue. I felt safe when it was me hanging out with some guys, especially when we often had more interests align which was rare to find in female friends. It's not easy being a kid into metal, alt fashion, art, and nerdy things, when you live in a rural small town where sports is considered the 'ideal' for teens. But you already know that. You lived it, too. You just didn't have the societal pressure to perform femininity, when you're not a girl, on top of it. ((But who knows, you could be a trans woman right now and struggling with your own issues from the other side, I really don't know you.))

But boy, did I PERFORM femininity. The metal scene wasn't the best inspiration for women. You had to be a hot sexy metal babe or you wouldn't get dick. No love for the androgynous women (except lesbians. Go lesbians, I love you.) At least that's what it felt like to 14-year-old me. I had to struggle with the fact that I wanted to look like the band members, not the women they were pictured with. I showed my hairstylist pictures of band men and short-haired Rihanna so I had at least one girl on there. I don't know where I'm going with this. I tried to do both perform the femininity, and doing small things to look more like the band guys I idolized, finding excuses to portray men in acting/roleplay/costumes. 'Because I had a crush on them, right?' No, because I wanted to BE them. Iwanted to be wanted as a man. Not as some metal babe. Being desired as a woman felt horribly invalidating, and I couldn't have ever explained why until now.

It's not a valid excuse, but I reacted that way because I felt safe around you. So safe. You were a dude, my bro, and I could be myself without feeling like I'm being 'tested' for performing human femininity like I did around girls. Like I walk into a room and everyone stops and glares at me. That's what I felt like, that hypervigilance, without knowing what that word meant. You were a good friend, kind, interesting, naturally attractive, and cool. I can't explain it, but it felt like betrayal when you gave me that letter. Suddenly, I was a 'love interest' and not 'fellow bro' and it hurt me so badly to believe that our friendship was built on you viewing me as a girl, not an equal. (That sounds absolutely horrible, I'm not implying that women are 'less," just that it made me feel like I was being unseen, that your feelings were for someone i was not.) I felt like our friendship was built on a lie. I felt disgusted at myself for reasons I didn't understand.

I reacted horribly. I wrote you that shameful e-mail in response. I tried burning that letter because I'm a dramatic hoe, but couldn't get the fireplace open, so I had to blow it out and instead melted and shredded it into the sink disposal. My mom came home and smelled the smoke and thought I was trying a cigarette. (I didn't try a single drug until I had a cigarette in fall of 2017, age 23.) Do we address the situation like an adult with calm words and ponder why we feel all these negative emotions, or do we SINK GO BRRRRRRRR DESTROY THE EVIDENCE?

14-year-old Cori go BRRRRRRRR, apparently.

I mean, I was a KID. Kids are mean as fuck.

It's no excuse, but I can look back on that now and say definitively that it was a result of not understanding my gender identity. I know I'm gay (not to mention, aro), but I did things counter to that, like have a phase of being a lesbian/bi/pan-preferring woman. if being attracted to women made me feel more butch and manly, then 'hey, look at that chick's thighs, bro…' I was gonna play it up.

Anyway, my point, discovering gender was like, literally taking off a suit of armour that never fit right because it was too small for me. I took off that suit of armour at age 19. It felt freeing to have no gender at all. I could do anything I wanted to find what fit me, trying on anything and everything. I finally found that fit in 2015. I'm a dude. This armour fits me perfectly now, and it flexes with my movement. But i still have the chafing and bruises from wearing the wrong armour for so many years.

I should have gently told you that I wanted to stay just friends. Instead, I was spiteful and mean for something that was my own fault. I refused to address my own gender problems, avoiding them entirely and dumping them onto you. I should not have been so immature as to do that and then entirely avoid you forever after.

So, I am deeply and truly sorry. I have regretted it every moment since I clicked 'send.' I hope you've entirely forgotten me by now. I hope you're doing well and still playing music and being your own creative self. I hope you're making mad bucks doing whatever the fuck you love. I'm sorry.

[moghedien]

the brainrot of terfism really needs to be studied because it really is something that just consumes people. like there's definitely levels to it and all (and they're all bad, to be clear) but if you look into like the big name terfs, they either stop being terfs or they go insane.

like its becoming commonplace for them to publicly admit that their families have distanced themselves because they can't stop talking about how the scary trans people are ruining everything, or for them to side with actual nazis or pedophiles that just happen to also dislike trans people. or for self professed gay and/or feminist terfs to start advocating for policies that are directly hostile to them because its hostile to trans people too.

and like that's not even getting into the truly deep levels of brainrot when they start transvestigating everyone around them, including sometimes their own parents and themselves. like there are boards and online groups where they will unironically say that they think their parents are trans or had them transed without them knowing, and about how essentially every major celebrity is trans and hiding it.

like its such levels of insanity on par with q anon shit, and someone needs to start looking into that shit because something really does happen to the brain when terfism is entertained and you can't stop thinking that trans people are out to get you.

[cedarnommer]

A trans person was assaulted for trying to comply to transphobic demands on going to the "correct" bathroom. And the response from transphobes was merely that she deserved it. That it's "boys just fighting". That this is so that women are kept safe.

I know this site is full of TERFs. And so, I want to focus the attention towards you. Your belief system is just very disjointed. Women should have their own spaces and defeat the patriarchy. Yet somehow men are inherently powerful and violent. We should dismantle the patriarchal system. Yet "boys fighting" is acceptable, even as one person is a trans femme that was attacked. No matter how patient and compassionate people can be towards you, you vilify us and support men that do this to us. You are not fighting for women's rights. Likely your movement will hinge back to racism if we ever get wiped out as you seek us to be. Your ideas won't protect lesbians. They won't protect black women. They won't even protect you.

We can't use a public restroom. We can't use locker rooms. Are we going to be a threat to you just for existing publicly at some point? As cis men and women murder us and rape us?

And I want to know, where does that help you? If we get killed off are you going to be safer from cis men? Is this fun to you? Trying to ruin our lives? To tell us how we're supposed to feel and identity? Do you know why we start having violent responses to our abusers? Do you not realize you are behaving like the said men you despise?

Your movement is rotten. It's protecting men. And it's endangering us. All I can say is go fuck yourselves for all of this.

[mr-ribbit]

something fascinating to me about egg discourse is how often tme people Also joke about or question their friends potential to be trans, and it's literally never talked about like this.

my cis and tme nb friends routinely joke about celebrities or characters that have big "nonbinary energy" or who otherwise exhibit behavior we would associate with ourselves. i have tme friends and acquaintances who have approached me or my wife and straightforwardly said "something seems trans about you, have I asked for your pronouns recently?"

similar friends have even talked about other still-cis friends in our circle this way, or joked about "when are you going to transition like the rest of us?" or "yeah cis people are a minority in this group, just give it time" or "no wonder you have queer friends with how comfortable with being gnc you are" or etc etc examples like that

even the actual examples of people in my life that I can think of as being the most "invasive" or presumptive about gender have been tme people:

it was my cishet friends who outed me and my wife as trans to everyone at their wedding, including their boomer parents and hundreds of strangers, and called it "the most queer wedding party ever"

it was my tme nb friend who kept saying they could "always tell" her transfem cousin was trans before she came out, and then proceeded to randomly give us extremely personal details about her bottom surgery

it was my transmasc friend who refused to call me and my wife anything other than "little enby beans" after we met and introduced us with our full genders+sexuality labels to every single person one by one at a party

it was my transmasc nb friend who kept insisting my wife could "still be nonbinary" when she was first considering identifying as a trans woman instead, and it was THAT idea that actually slowed her down from making changes to her life that she wanted

it was my cis friends who approached me arm and arm and cornered my outside of a bathroom at a party right after I took a piss to suddenly ask me what my pronouns were because they "heard something" at the party

like, transfems deserve robust support against this trash so a lot of our defensive discourse has ofc been about how it IS okay for transfems to talk about eggs and be jokey about it and non-invasively approach others about being trans

but i swear to god none of these weird people have even stopped to make their discourse ABOUT anyone BUT transfems. it's so clearly targeted!!

no one has EVER approached *me* as a tme nb person and suggested i was pressuring gnc people with my egg jokes. never. nothing even remotely similar. i joke about other people being trans all the time and no one has ever treated me the way you all are treating transfems over this issue.

important note: my examples are all things I recall as being invasive and awkward, and I'm sharing them to make a point about how often rude behavior comes from the same tme people pointing fingers over this. but I still don't think any of them are worth the crucifixion people are treating transfem egg discourse with.

even when my friends were weird to me in the above examples, my reaction was either to confront them about it as friends who I trust to be able to communicate with, or to cut those individuals off after they proved not worth a relationship in the long run. at no time did I desire to make a call-out post or spread rumors about them or publicly declare all of their gender as a screeching menace to society.

my point here is that even when I do think about moments where others crossed a line, acting like this is a "issue trans women have" is blatantly transmisogynistic garbage that only exists to serve the woman-hating machine at the heart of our society. fucking cut it out

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

anyway.......

[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: Response About Sensitivity Reader

[Some of you might not have heard of this happening, but I wanted to address it across the board]

Hey everyone,

I want to make a post about the screenshots of comments from one of our sensitivity readers. The situation is that neither me or Rose want people to feel uncomfortable with Our Life: Now & Forever, but Rose hasn’t done anything terribly wrong and isn’t going to be punished.

The comment about OL MCs wasn’t meant to be genuine hatred towards all male players/MCs of OL. Rose wrote a reply about it-

"Hi everyone! This is Rose, I want to address the male MC comment since it was taken wildly out of context and without the lengthy discussion that was after it. I don't hate male MCs, in fact far from it, male MCs are integral to the story in OL:NF as female and trans MCs are. I think the relationship they could potentially have with Qiu could be a great asset in my opinion as they figure out their gender alongside the MC. The discussion itself was about how I noticed players were sticking to heteronormative norms by shipping Tamarack with a man purely out of societal norms than it was genuine thought into the characters and how I personally wished there was more sapphic relationships with Tamarack or just Tamarack with trans characters as a sapphic trans person myself. I didn't mean to offend anyone by it as no one but my friends who understood what I legitimately meant behind my message and it definitely wasn't meant to be seen seriously. I am sorry regardless to anyone I have offended and I love your male MCs regardless."

And most of the comments were about me. I’ve seen screenshots of the full conversations and they’re not as harsh as the cropped snippets made them out to be. It was longer discussions about not including Derek in any base game Moments for no good reason and not having any plus-sized love interests in OL1 because I was afraid players wouldn’t accept it. That’s not a lie, it’s what I decided for the game I created, and it is ridiculous of me. I’m the one who should be feeling embarrassed over how OL1 will forever be that way, not the people who remember that I did that. I’m not perfect and Rose actually cares more about the players than making me feel like I am flawless.

I also don’t want to tone police an employee venting about their boss in private, on their own time. Both the OL games deal with personal, important topics. This is sensitive work, and it can bring up frustrations. Sometimes people do use harsh words among friends, but they wouldn’t ever say it to a person seriously and directly.

I understand if you wouldn’t want to see anyone speak badly of a dev you like, but I promise it’s not a point of contention between me and Rose. I don’t feel mistreated in anyway. Rose genuinely cares about the Our Life series, and that’s why they get fed up with me over certain parts of the game.

Rose has never been unkind or unreasonable to me when working on the project, and their advice is detailed and well-explained. They do care about the game and want it to avoid having content that upsets people because of my own ignorance/shortcomings.

This being shared publicly from a private server is targeting Rose and seems to be a continuation of things that have happened before this. I don’t want this to continue happening. If you do still have concerns over the one comment about the community, you can let me know. But again, I don’t want people being mistrustful of Rose on my behalf for comments about me in conversations with missing context.

Do not send angry messages to Rose about any of this. We’ll do our best so that OL2 will be better than I was before. Thank you to everyone who reads this and participates in the community!

[trans-androgyne]

Yes, trans men and mascs have historically been subjected to less public violence and ridicule than trans women and fems. Is having privilege really the only reason you can think of for that? Have you considered that they had less ability to be publicly visible in the first place? Please remember that the lack of autonomy women have historically been granted also applies to transmascs. They would have been considered the property of men. Spousal rape wasn't illegal everywhere in my country until 1993. How easy do you think it would be for forcibly impregnated transmascs to transition? For abused transmascs in general? Do you think they were all even allowed out of the house often without a man? There are so many stories of transmascs being forcibly institutionalized for being trans. Is that situation and otherwise being quietly abused and erased really so much better than hypervisibility?

[genderqueerdykes]

i'm going to continue talking about what trans men experience and transandrophobia until we finally break the silence forced upon transmasculine people and trans men. we are no longer tolerating being invisible, pushed aside, mocked, abandoned, disrespected, questioned, harassed, and denied the right to be addressed correctly with respect and grace.

trans men and mascs are going to exist no matter how hard you try to deny our identities, or abuse us out of them. there will always be transmascs and men no matter how hard you try to prevent us from talking about it, publicly sharing our identities, or finding community. no matter what, trans men and mascs will always be here and it's best to just let us carve out spaces for each other because trying to silence us permanently isn't working.

we are trans. we are queer. our masculinity and manhood is not a threat to you. we are not inherently dangerous. we are not "ruining our bodies with testosterone". we're not confused. we're not stepping on trans women's and transfemme's toes when we create spaces for ourselves and talk about our issues. we're not taking resources away from other queer people.

we need resources, too. just because someone is a man or masc does not mean they will have an easy time making a lot of money. it's still hard for transmascs in transition to find well paying, stable jobs. workplace discrimination still exists- "female" deadnames and F markers are still going to get in the way- especially now that they know you are trans. intersex trans men struggle to have our identities addressed correctly. workplaces can still fire trans people for them being trans, especially in states where at-will employment is in place. they can claim they fired you for one reason, but it was really because you are trans.

policing the verbiage and identities of transmascs and men is not going to make us stop identifying with them. trans men are allowed to call ourselves trannies- we are trannies. we're allowed to call ourselves dykes and butches and lesbians. we're allowed to have multiple genders, including being women, without that invalidating our masculinity and/or manhood. we're allowed to be and dress femme. we are allowed to choose whether or not HRT and surgery is right for us.

regardless of how much someone hates these things- they're still going to happen. you can tell us that we can't be "real men" or that we can't be wholly or partially women, genderfluid, closeted, detrans, non binary, genderqueer, butches, femmes, dykes, lesbians, or sapphic- but we're still going to be those things anyway.

resistance won't make us go away- it just makes us angrier, and it makes us fight harder for our rights, and the rights of our brothers, siblings, partners, husbands, fathers, relatives, and every transmasc and man out there.

[lightningfilledsaber]

What is it with people falsely thinking I am/have been a lesbian