#huh cool guess ill start the day with a headache

[thislittlekumquat]

We've arrived at the part of the weekend where I try to compose a note in my head that doesn't sound shitty that I leave for my neighbor asking them to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD STOP GROWING WEED IN THE APARTMENT BELOW MINE.

[moonstruckme]

Can I request whimsical!reader and Sirius Black?? Or maybe poly!marauders but I just feel like Sirius would be so whipped for his quirky girl and join in on whatever shenanigans she starts 🫶

Sooo right babe, thanks for requesting :)

poly!marauders x whimsical!reader ♡ 878 words

“Darling,” Sirius keeps his voice quiet as he slinks down into the armchair. “What are you doing?” 

You look up from where you’re knelt beside the couch, bent ominously over James’ sleeping form. He’s out cold, his glasses discarded and placed carefully on the coffee table by Remus. James is a hard sleeper on a good day, but when he’s sick even the apocalypse couldn’t wake him. His breath wheezes noisily in and out through clogged nostrils. 

“I’m cleansing him,” you whisper. 

“With rocks.” 

You send your boyfriend a smile, well used to his ragging. “With crystals,” you correct him softly, placing another on James’ sternum. 

Sirius sits forward curiously. “What do they do?” he asks.

“Different things.” 

When you don’t seem inclined to go on, he reaches forward to poke at your shoulder. You sway placidly like a ship on calm waters. “Like?” he prompts. 

You hum, taking a smooth, green rock from your pouch. “Well,” you say, “this one is jade. It helps with headaches.” You place it gingerly on James’ forehead. 

“I see.” Sirius nods thoughtfully. “And what’s that blue one?” 

“It’s to help support his immune system.” 

“Uh huh. So you’re trying to heal him, is that it?” 

You consider this for a moment. “Sort of,” you say. “More like help his body heal itself.” 

Sirius grins at your breezy kindheartedness and slides down onto his knees beside you. “That’s sweet, baby.” He kisses your cheek, delighting when it dimples. “Can I help?” 

“Sure,” you say, looking pleased, “if you want to.” 

You move your little pouch so it sits between the two of you. Sirius brushes a piece of hair behind his ear, considering the stones inside. He picks up a cool-looking black and red one. 

“What’s this?” 

You glance over from where you’re setting another crystal on James’ chest. “Garnet,” you tell him. 

“And what’s it help with?” 

“Calcium deficiency.” 

Sirius guffaws. He covers his mouth with his hand when Remus pokes his head out of the kitchen, looking suspicious. 

“You think our boy’s fallen ill because he’s low in calcium?” he whispers. 

You shrug, scrunching your nose in that silly way you do when you don’t get why he’s laughing. “I guess I thought it couldn’t hurt.” 

“What are you two doing?” Remus asks, coming over with his arms crossed to lean against the wall. His voice is cautiously quiet. 

Sirius leaves you in charge of fielding questions while he dedicates himself to carefully balancing the garnet crystal on the point of James’ nose. His knuckles brush his boyfriend’s overwarm cheek as he retracts his hand, grinning at his work. He wonders if he can get one in his mouth without waking him. 

“We’re using crystals to help Jamie get better,” you explain, voice light as thistledown. “Siri, love, you can’t put it there. It’ll fall.” 

To his disappointment, you take the stone from James’ nose and place it between his collarbones. When Sirius pouts, you dig in the pouch to hand him another. 

“Here, try again.” 

“No.” Remus recognizes the glint in Sirius’ eyes and steps forward to snatch the stone from him. “Don’t enable him, sweetheart,” he tells you. “He’s just playing around.” 

You seem unconcerned, leaving Remus to deal with Sirius as he sees fit while you continue your healing rituals. 

“Excuse me for trying to help our sick boyfriend,” Sirius protests. 

“She’s trying to help,” Remus says sternly. “You’re just going to wake him.” 

“He could sleep through a tornado.” 

“He’s ill, Pads. Leave him be.” 

“Sorry, Jamie,” your voice comes, soft and sympathetic. Remus and Sirius both turn. “How are you feeling?” 

“Wha…” James clears his throat, then sniffles thickly. “What’s on me?” 

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” you say. Your hand comes up to stroke at the damp curls lying across his forehead. “Do you feel calcium sufficient?” 

“What?” 

“The answer is yes,” Sirius helps him out. “Yes, you do feel calcium sufficient.” 

“I suppose so.” Crystals fall from James’ face as he sits up on his elbows, rubbing at his cheek. 

“I’m sorry we woke you,” Remus murmurs, crouching by James face and beginning to take crystals off his chest. You look slightly put out, but you don’t protest. Sirius kisses the side of your head consolingly. “How are you feeling, love?” 

“Properly stuffed up.” He inhales sharply through his nose, and Sirius feels his mouth twist at the ugly snuffling sound. “A bit better than when I fell asleep, though.” 

Remus and Sirius both look at you. Your smile spreads like a slow sunrise, the tops of your cheeks turning a pleased pink. Sirius’ heart does an embarrassing little dance. He takes your hand, stamping a kiss on the back of your palm. 

“Do you feel like some tea?” Remus asks James, his own lips curved slightly. 

“That sounds fantastic,” James admits. 

Remus smiles over at you. “Want to help me make it?” 

You hop up eagerly. “I can go get some thyme from the garden,” you say, headed for the back door. “It’s good for respiratory issues.” 

James makes a face and Remus takes you by the shoulders, gently redirecting you towards the kitchen. “Maybe just a regular tea for now, sweetheart,” he says. “But we can definitely try that later.”

[captaincravatthecapricious]

Sick Fic I Didn't Bother To Name

Post canon, Tim comes over to look after Jon while Martin is at work.

cw dizziness, fever, nausea, fainting, mentions of vomit, food mention I guess. Let me know if I should add more warnings, this is just a fluffy little sick fic it might have some light angst I don't really remember.

The thought of moving makes Jon want to cry.  All his muscles hurt.  The worm scars aching like the day they were made.  He’s just going to lie there here until someone makes him move.  

Which will probably be soon, because he’s positive Martin has asked Tim to come over and …water him?  

No, in all seriousness, he can’t exactly recall what Martin told him this morning as he was leaving for work.  Something about not letting him go in to work, no working online, no checking his email, something something Tim?  Not that Jon is feeling well enough to get his computer.  Let alone let it assault his over-sensitive eyes with the harsh light of the screen.  Which is unfortunate, because he thinks Martin probably left him a text about whatever he missed this morning.  

He really hopes Martin thought to email his students.  He’ll try to remember to ask Tim to check.  If Tim’s even coming.  

Christ, he’s not thinking straight.  

He thinks Tim is coming, but if not, he’s got paracetamol, his inhaler, water, a thermos of tea, some saltines, a little cup of applesauce, excedrin, a thermometer (Jon isn’t sure why Martin left him that, there is no way he’s going to use that he just… really really hates thermometers, they mean he’s ill and that meant no school and staying quiet alone and miserable in his room so ill to open a book if he was ill enough for his grandmother to notice, it was less bad when he got to go to the school nurse.  Actually got some medicine sometimes, but they often sent him home too, and then his grandmother was cross that she had to pick him up.  In any case, no thermometer if he has a say in it.), bin, tissues (again Jon isn’t sure why, he’s not particularly congested, but Martin is Martin and is taking care of him even when he’s at work which makes Jon feel warm to his core, not from the fever that he knows he’s running.), lucozade, and his cane.  Everything in easy reach.  

He should probably take some medicine, but even reaching that far feels like too much.  He’s just going to lay here, on top of his blanket pile until the fever chills take him back and he has to burrow under them again.  It’s been the challenge all night to find a comfortable enough temperature to sleep.  A challenge he’s mostly been losing.  Leaving him feeling gritty and heavy and with a headache.  

He just wants to sleep.  Drifting in and out of it with frantic almost laziness.  Rolling heat to biting cold.  He wishes he could get his laptop, willing to bear the brightness if only to get a distraction from his discomfort.  

He’s just managed a trip to and from the loo, when Tim arrives.  Jon’s collapsed back on his blanket nest on the couch when Tim calls out before keys jangle in the lock.  Jon’s too busy trying not to pass out to make out words.  He’s impressed he managed the loo without a surprise nap.  But, he can make no promises that he won’t pass out now.  

He comes to with the inside of Tim’s wrist pressed to his forehead.  With a quiet gasp.  And then a frankly embarrassing sound as he fully absorbs how wonderfully cool Tim’s wrist is.  

“Hey there, bud.  Hate to ask, but did you just pass out from just lying there, because if so, I’m gonna have to be a little worried?”  

Jon tries to focus on Tim.  “No… no got back from the toilet and surprise nap.”  

Tim looks relieved.  

Jon is just relieved that he isn’t alone.  Where he can too easily spiral.  Being alone and miserable leaves it too easy to slip into memories.  Especially with the impressive fever that he’s got to be running, if the agonizing walk from couch to loo and loo to couch is any indication.  His muscles are shaking from fatigue from that pathetically short walk, and he’d had a death grip on his cane and the wall to keep upright.  Christ, he’s really not well.  

Tim makes a big show of wiping his brow and breathing a sigh of relief.  “Hey think you can give me some of the couch?”  

Jon would love to, he nods, but consciousness flutters when he tries to sit up.  Losing his vision to the dizziness again.  Tim catches him against his chest, and gently holds him steady as he slips onto the couch, positioning Jon as best he can.  Jon snuggling against Tim’s hooded jumper.  

He still can’t believe he’s allowed to do this.  A few years ago, Tim didn’t want to be in the same room with him.  But …here he is.  Here when it counts.  (Although Martin would probably tell him that it counted earlier too, that Tim should have been by his side, a thought that he’s been trying to work through in therapy, and Jon is working through in reverse in his own.)  Jon could cry.  Might cry.  Fever’s high enough that he probably will.  

“Got a bit worried when you didn’t answer any texts.  Wanted to see if you needed anything.”  

“‘m sorry.”  Jon really hadn’t thought to check his phone, and even if he had, well not as if he’d been up to reading anything on a tiny bright screen.  Even the thought of doing so makes his head hurt more than it already does.  

“Don’t worry about it.  Have you taken some meds recently?”  

Jon has no idea what time it is, or when Martin left.  Can’t even keep track of how light it is outside with the blinds drawn and his face shoved into Tim.  “Had some before Martin left?”  

Tim’s got an arm around Jon.  He’s rubbing his back.  And there is a tightness in Jon’s chest.  It’s been years.  It’s been years.  It’s been years, and he still can’t believe that Tim is really back and here and cares.  Tim could hold him every moment he can stand touch, and it wouldn’t be enough.  Jon needs.  He needs the attention and care, and just needs his friend in general.  And if he didn’t feel so sick, he could happily live in this moment forever.  If he wasn’t dizzy and feverish and dreadfully queasy.  

Tim’s hand stills, and a shuddery breath escapes Jon with the absence.  

Tim’s heart lurches.  He goes back to rubbing Jon’s back.  He’s pretty sure this is Jon crying and not Jon about to puke.  Jon’s decent at letting him know these sorts of things, or at least is consistent in his physical cues.  “Hey, bud.  Just gonna get you some fever reducers, it’s about time, I think.  Marto texted me when he was leaving.  Sorry about leaving you alone for a bit.  Had to finish up my shift and grab a shower and grab some soup making stuff and some DVDs, in case you wanna watch anything.  But, I’m not going anywhere.  You’re stuck with me.”  

Jon huffs a watery laugh.  Or maybe it’s a sob.  it’s damp, but that’s okay.   

“You just gotta sit up a little.  Wow, Marto really stocked up the coffee table for you, huh.  He loves you a lot.  Also, he worries.”  

Tim tilts Jon slightly more upright, and wipes away the tears, before handing him some medicine and some lucozade.  Martin said Jon had been sick earlier (probably more due to the POTS flaring up, Martin hoped, and Tim also hopes.  Not that a POTS flare up is a good thing, but if he can keep Jon full of salt and keep his feet up, he shouldn’t have any trouble keeping fluids in him, which makes things easier), in any case, the electrolytes are probably a good idea.  

“You thrown up recently?”  

Signs ‘no.’  That’s good.  

“Wanna try some crackers?”  

Jon shrugs.  

“If you’re up to it later, I can make us some soup, ‘kay?”  

Jon nods, looking …faded.  Probably best to get his legs up and him cozy.  

“Mind if I get you in a more comfy position?”  

Jon doesn’t answer, just blinks dizzily, so Tim carefully gets up, and props Jon’s feet up with the decorative pillows that he knows Jon thinks are stupid, and tucks a couple of the blankets around Jon.  Not too many, not wanting Jon’s temperature to climb any higher, but he can’t just watch Jon shiver.  Hurts too much to watch.  

Reminds him of all the times he ignored him.  All the times he hasn’t been there.  And there’ve been many.  He should have been there.  

So he’ll risk a couple blankets, even though Jon is burning away.  Hopefully the fever reducers do their job soon.  He does, however get a damp flannel for Jon’s forehead while he’s up.  

He thinks Jon might be unconscious again, but he won’t worry about that unless he doesn’t come around in a minute or so.  

Jon’s awake again by the time Tim has himself settled back on the couch.  

“How about some TV?  You up for that?”  

Jon just whines.  

“We’ll start some, and if it makes it worse, we’ll turn it off, okay?”  

Jon wiggles a little, getting comfortable.  And Tim chuckles.  

“Okay, bud.  You get some rest, okay?  I’ll make you some soup later, if you’re up for it.  I got ingredients for your favorite.  Or smoothies, if that sounds better.”  

Jon makes a sound of complaint as Tim as started to talk over the intro music.  

Tim chuckles.  “Alright, alright.  Just let me know if you get hungry.  Martin will be home tonight, until then, you’re stuck with me.”  

Jon falls asleep within an episode with Tim gently carding his fingers through his hair.  

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

the exact opposite of weak

This is a story entirely based on my experience with a chronic illness. Everyone’s experience is different, and everyone’s experience is valid. 

Here is the link to the Cleveland Clinic’s page about POTS, just in case you want some more information :)

also yes, there is another mention of grey’s anatomy in this, there will probably be lots more, because that show is one of two things keeping me alive rn, I think you can guess who the other one is

word count: 1.3k

warnings: fainting and chronic illness

in your opinion, POTS is the worst chronic illness. Of course, you may be biased. Especially since it happens to be the one you suffer from. But really, it is pretty bad. 

You were one of the luckier ones who could still live a mostly normal life. You had been diagnosed when you were still a teenager, so you'd mostly figured out how to deal with it.

For you, it caused headaches, stomach pain, rapid heart rate, poor circulation, and heat intolerance (meaning you couldn't have too hot of a shower without your heart feeling like it was going to jump out of your chest).

Despite all this, you hadn't told Harry yet. You kept your symptoms under control well with a few medications and a lot of self care. You didn't want to burden him or make him think you were weak. So, you just didn't tell him. The longer your relationship went on, the more you worried about what you would say and how he would react.

You had been together for just over a year when you decided to tell him. You just felt bad keeping it from him any longer, so you made up your mind. Now all you had to do was figure out how. How were you supposed to tell the love of your life that you had a chronic illness you had just neglected to tell him about?

The opportunity arose sooner than you expected. It was the middle of winter, so you didn't have the summer heat to worry about. You did, however, have the shower to worry about. Since your circulation wasn't great, you always had freezing feet and hands. On days like this where you were just chilled to the bone, you wanted nothing more than to turn the water as hot as you could stand and bask in the steam.

So, you did just that. You stepped into the burning hot water, sighing as it washed over your cold limbs.

You noticed how bad you felt pretty quickly. Your head spun and you were overcome with nausea when you reached up to grab the shampoo. You quickly leaned against the wall, the cool tile soothing your skin. Soon you were shivering again, so you stepped back into the stream. After a few minutes, you started to feel worse. You turned the temperature cooler, but it didn't seem to help. Black spots started to cloud your vision like they did every time you stood up. You knew this was a bad sign.

You could feel your heart smashing against your ribcage and put a finger against your neck. Your pulse was so fast you could barely count it. It was getting harder to breathe as your heart seemed to speed up, even after you stepped out from under the water.

You stepped out of the shower, promptly laying on the floor with your legs propped up against the vanity. You pulled a towel over you before calling for Harry.

You heard his quick footsteps in the hall before he knocked.

"Y/N? Are you ok? did you forget a towel?"

"No- can you come in here?"

Harry opened the door, peeking his head inside. His brow furrowed when he saw you laying on the floor, legs up on the sink, with your fingers on your neck.

"Uh... what're we doing?"

His confusion was obvious, but he wasted no time getting down on the floor and laying next to you.

"Everything... everything alright?"

  "Can I see your watch?"

"Uh, sure," Harry said, sticking out his arm to you.

You grabbed his arm, focusing your eyes on the second hand ticking around. After a minute, you dropped his arm, sucking in a deep breath.

"Y/N,  what's... what're you doing? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, my heart is just beating really fast and I don't feel well at all," you said, closing your eyes.

"How fast is really fast?" He asked, reaching over to feel your wrist. "Woah, you meant, like, really fast," his eyes widened as he counted her pulse.

"Y/N, your heart rate is over 200. I'm not a doctor, but you've made me watch enough Grey's Anatomy to know that's not good," He said eyeing you nervously.

  "No, it's ok, I just had the shower water too hot," You reassured him, keeping your eyes closed.

"Uh, again, not a doctor, but I don't think hot water is supposed to make your heart beat this fast."  

Oh boy. Here it was. Time for you to explain.

"Maybe not for most people, Harry, but for me, it's-" You tried to move your legs and sit up, but as soon as you did, your vision started going dark.

"Nope, back down, can't do that yet," You sighed, sinking back down.

He laid back down beside you, his fingers still on your wrist. After a few more minutes, you finally felt like you could get up.

Harry stood first, holding out his hand to help you. You got to your feet and instantly knew it was a mistake. Harry looked at your glassy eyes with concern before you went limp. He let out a surprised sound, catching you and lowering you back to the floor.

Your towel had nearly slipped off, so he readjusted it to keep you covered. Then he just sat there with your head in his lap, stroking your hair and watching the seconds tick by on his watch. After a few minutes, he started to get worried. He patted your cheek gently.

"Y/N, wake up," he spoke softly, still cushioning your head.

Your eyes snapped open and you tried to sit up. Harry held his hand on your shoulder, keeping you down.

"Woah, don't try and move yet. You scared me there," He said, smiling.

You looked up at him, then around at the bathroom. You closed your eyes, sighing again.

"I passed out, didn't I. Did I hit my head?"

"Of course not, I have excellent reflexes," Harry scoffed, pretending to be offended.

"Right, sorry," you laughed. "Sorry I scared you, that doesn't happen very often anymore."

"What do you mean, anymore?" Harry asked, confused.

"Ok, here it goes," You mumbled under your breath. "So... I have this condition, it's called POTS. That stands for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome."

You could see the gears turning in Harry's head, trying to figure out what this meant.

"So, when you stand...?"

"My heart rate increases a lot, yeah. A lot more than it's supposed to. It's been better for a long time since I found the right medicine, but I still have bad days. The other day when I got up from the couch, remember how I almost fell? Yeah, this is why. I told you I just tripped, but I checked my pulse when I got to the kitchen and it was at 150. When it goes up that fast, it makes my vision black out and I feel like I'm about to faint."

"Does it happen every time you shower?"

"No, but it does get a lot worse with hot water. POTS causes poor circulation, and a whole bunch of other things, but anyway that's why my feet are always freezing. I like hot showers because I'm usually cold, but they make me feel terrible. I just must've had it a little too hot today, which is why... we're... sitting on the floor right now," You said, blushing and looking away from him.

"Hey," Harry said gently. "it's nothing to be embarrassed about, Y/N. I just wish you'd told me."

Y/N tried to sit up again, but Harry's hand was still pressed against her shoulder. "I swear, this time I'm ok," She smiled.

Harry eyed her suspiciously before helping her sir up against the wall.

"I know, I should have told you. I just didn't want you to think I was... weak or something," Y/N said, looking at her lap.

"Weak? Y/N, you just told me your heart tries to kill you every time you stand or take a hot shower, and that’s just your  everyday life. That's kind of... the exact opposite of weak, I'd say."

"Well, it definitely doesn't try to kill me," You laughed. "But yeah, I guess I am pretty strong for dealing with this, huh?"

"Absolutely, you are," He smiled. "Now, tell me everything about this, so I can know how to make you feel better."  

[ssatoritendou]

Baby It’s Cold Outside

iwaizumi hajime 

Pairing: iwaizumi/reader

Word count: 3.8k 

+ summary: Oikawa plans a wonderful holiday weekend for you all the horrible part is your enemy and former crush Iwaizumi is going. He is awfully rude to you but is acting like your best friend so not to anger Tooru. Could this weekend get any worse? 

Genre: enemies to lovers; fluff 

Damn Oikawa Tooru. Damn the entire Oikawa family at this point if someone can make a person like him possible. His brilliant idea to get together and stay in the cabin. You had all been at different universities. Well, almost all of you. You and Iwaizumi attend the same uni. One would think after attending Aoba Johsai together and ending up in the same uni you would still be friends. But no. In fact, just after graduation, he cut you off. He said to you in a text message after you innocently said can’t wait to make more memories with you for the next four years, ‘I was only friends with you for Oikawa. You were his friend that just tagged along. I think it would be best if you and I didn’t interact at uni.’ A little difficult if you are both freshmen and take a majority of the same courses since you were both under the same major. But here’s the icing on the top: he acting like your best friend on this trip. And Tooru is making you share a room. Here is all how it started. There was knocking on your dorm door at 6 in the morning on a Saturday. “What?!” “Jesus I take it you're not a morning person.” Iwaizumi said standing in your hallway like he has been up for hours. “I’m assuming you got Shittykawa’s text last night?” “Yeah what do you not want me to go?” He rolled his eyes at this. “No Oikawa asked me to make sure we took the same train together since we go to the same uni.” “Well if he asked then fine. Can you go now? You messed up with my morning routine.”

That was a week ago. You had just finished exams. Now you get to relax on a long vacation with your friends and Iwaizumi Hajime. When you arrived at the cabin you were greeted by Mattsun, Makki, and for lack of better terms Shittykawa. “Iwa! N/n! Finally, you are here. I hope Iwa is taking care of my little N/n.” “Baka! Of course, I am.” Iwaizumi said in a huff. “Can we go inside now? It’s freezing out here.” He was lying to Tooru. His best friend since diapers. Straight lied. You hadn’t talked to him since graduation. “This way my good friends,” Oikawa said, leading the group forward on the lightly snowed path. You were picking up your bag when Mattsun picked it up. “I carry it myself, Issei.” You said laughing. “Nonsense why would I let you the clumsiest person I know carry her bags in the snow.” He said. You started to get cocky and walked backward. “Please it’s not even snow-” You ended up slipping on the ice cover by the snow. “I see your point.” “Just hold on to my arm.” He said trying to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. “Always a gentleman Mattsun.” You were trailing behind the others further away from Tooru. See Mattsun knew what Iwaizumi said to you and how he blatantly ignores you. “I have a question, are you guys friends?” “No. Not even close. I have no clue why he lied to him. Makes me think that if Tooru asks about me does he lie about that too. Just last week when we were invited Tooru asked him to take the same train as me. But he was still completely rude.” “I have no clue what his problem is. I didn’t know he had so much disdain towards you. He was always so nice to you in school.”   You shook your head at this comment What could you have done to offend Iwaizumi Hajime so much?

“Shittykawa how could you not know there were only 3 bedrooms!” Iwaizumi shouted at him. “I’m sorry Iwa but look at this place it was nice and big for an affordable price for all of us.” Oikawa shuddered under the angry gaze of the former wing-spiked. “It’s fine, it's not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before,” Makki said. “Or seen each other naked.” “No one here has seen N/n naked or slept in the same bed as her,” Oikawa said. “Yes and I attend to keep it that way. So I think that settles and I get my own room.” “Hell No!” Iwaizumi, Makki, and Mattsun yelled. “I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t share a bed or room with Oikawa Tooru again,” Makki said. “He either sleeps like a mummy with headphones and a face mask in the middle of the bed.” Iwaizumi said. “Or he stays up all night watching stuff on his laptop,” Mattsun said. “Fine, then I’ll stay with Mattsun.” You said. To this statement, Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Fine with me.” Mattsun put his arm on your shoulder with a smile. You picked his hand off your shoulder. “You sir are sleeping at the foot of the bed.” “I’m just messing. I’ll bring our bags to a room.” Mattsun picked up the bags and walked down the hallway. Iwaizumi and Makki did the same. “You knew it had 3 bedrooms, didn’t you? To get a room all to yourself?” “N/n I would never!” He laughed.

You wanted to shower after a long train ride and as you went to open the door to your room. Makki opened the door. “Y/n I wouldn’t go in there. Mattsun is sick and I know how much of a germaphobe you are. And I shared a drink with him earlier. So you have to share a room with Iwaizumi.” You flinched away from Makki and the room in general. A nightmare. Nightmare. “Ok. Tell Mattsun I hope he feels better and I hope you also don’t get sick as well.” “Thank you,” Makki said. You walked down the hall and knocked on the door. “What do you want?” “Mattsun is sick and Makki drank from his water today.” “Oh, right you are a germaphobe. So we are sharing rooms. Just great.” “Yeah yeah. Can I take a shower? I need to get the train germs off me and Mattsun's germs. Like right now.” You said in a haste to hope into a scalding shower to get this gross feeling off of you. It started to itch in the back of the brain. “Yeah, I guess.” He moved out of the way. “Where are your bags?” “I think Issei still has them. I’ll just go and get them.” “No. I’ll get them. Just go take a shower.” He said in a huff.

“Jesus Christ, what happened to your arms?” Iwaizumi asked. “I cleaned myself.” “I’m just going to go shower you can get dressed.” He walked into the bathroom. “Y/n is barely any soap left.” “Sorry.” You quickly got dressed in your pajamas and took whatever extra pillows you could find and made a wall in the middle of the bed. You laid down leaving the desk lamp on for Iwaizumi. “What’s that?” Iwaizumi asked while pointing at the pillow brigade. “Something to keep us apart and respect each other's boundaries.” “Huh. Typical.” “And what does that mean?” “Oh, nothing I just know you wouldn’t do this for your precious Issei.” “Actually no because he is nice to me and isn’t fake nice to me just to make Tooru feel better.” “You want to break his heart?” “What does that mean?” “Uh nevermind. Good night.” He yanked the chain on the desk lamp off.

“So what are we going to do today?” Mattsun asked with a mask on. “Why don’t you take that stupid mask off for starters. You too Makki.” Iwaizumi said to them. “We are both sick and we are respecting Y/n’s boundaries.” “There is a great town nearby with cute little shops. There is a small ski and park.” Oikawa said with a cheery tone. “Let’s shop first for an hour then go to that park,” Makki suggested. “Cool with me. Let’s go.” You got to the little town and it was a little kitschy but overall it was cute. You got an idea when you saw a drug store to call Sakusa. He knew all the good ways to prevent colds and any illness. “L/n what is the reason you are calling me or is it because you found another sanitizer that works well.” “No no. I was wondering if you have any recommendations for cold medicine. One of my friends that I’m traveling with is sick and I wanted to get him the best medication.” “Mmm. Symptoms?” “Congestion, wet cough, runny nose.” “Stick with the basics Mucinex and even a neti pot. It will flush out everything.” “Who the fuck are you on the phone with?” Iwaizumi said out of nowhere starling you. You put up your hand annoyed. “Thank you again Sakusa. Sorry to bother you on holiday.” “No trouble. Have a nice trip with your friends.” You smiled and hung up. “Why were you talking to Sakusa Kiyoomi?” He said with a snarl. “I was asking him about cold medicine for Issei and Makki. Why did you follow me?” “I didn't. Oikawa told me to find you after you peeled away from the group. Why do you have his number?” “That’s really none of your business. You aren’t my friend, remember.” You said you open the door to the drug store. And of course, he followed you inside. You picked out the things you need for your friends. “Why do you call Mattsun and Oikawa by their first names?” “Because they asked me too. Why are you so curious? Are you jealous, Hajime?” You emphasized his first name which you have never said to him in the time you have known him. “Don’t call me that.” “Why does it bother you Hajime?” “Yes.” “Fine then I won’t.” You pecked his cheek and left the store smiling, leaving him speechless.

After a full afternoon of shopping, you became tired and started to get a headache. “Guys I think I’m getting sick I think I’m just going back to the house. You guys can go ahead without me.” “Ahh. My poor little N/n I’m sorry.” “If you are going to go back maybe I should walk you back,” Mattsun said. “Issei you don’t have to. Just stay here and have fun in the snow.” You smiled. “Iwa said he didn’t even want to go.” You cringed at the idea of spending the rest of the day with him alone. “I actually changed my mind Shittykawa.” “It’s fine guys I can walk back by myself.” To this Mattsun and Makki laughed. “Just enjoy the afternoon. I'm probably just going to sleep anyways.” “Ok be careful though N/n!”

“Why did you tell Y/n to be careful?” Iwaizumi asked Mattsun. “Why do you care?” Mattsun scoffed back on the ski lift. “Huh?” “One would think the great Hajime Iwaizumi would notice how clumsy she is. Like really clumsy. Slipping off the couch clumsy while just sitting there. Why do you act like such a dick to her? Huh? Then proceed to lie to Oikawa that she is fine. You don’t know a thing about her.” “She told you.” “I was there when you sent that text. She was hurt really bad. She didn’t know what she did wrong. And the worse part is I couldn’t tell her to put her mind at ease. Because you know why? Because she was very kind and respectful towards you. For three years. She cried. And she is going to hate me for saying this but she really liked you. She didn’t say anything afraid of how Oikawa would react. You put up a front for three years acting so kind towards her and took care sometimes too, I thought you liked her back. But you did that to her and broke her heart. For what?” Iwaizumi was shocked at Mattsun's sudden outburst. He was always a man of few words and relied more on actions. “Forget it.” He said in a huff and got off the lift to ski. While Iwaizumi sat there confused. You liked him. For the longest time, he thought you liked Oikawa or Mattsun based on how you treated them. He sat back and thought about how you acted around him in your high school years. You were always cautious around him but ask how he was doing and if he needed help with anything. Most of the time it was English and you were really good at it. But you stayed a comfortable distance away from him but never looked at him in his eyes when talking to him. He picked up on that around your second year. You would always look at the tip of his nose or at his brow line. He also picked up how close you were with Mattsun. He would always touch you. Hug you from behind, pull your places, give you head pats, pick you up, etc,. He thought maybe he liked you too and he couldn’t make a move if one of his friends like you. He made the decision to distance from you in college hoping his feelings would die without seeing you. But if you liked him this whole time… Shit he messed up big time. You hate him and worse of all he was resentful that his feelings for you were reciprocated and was horribly mean to you. The lift came back to its station. “Hey, dude are you gonna get off?” Iwaizumi snapped out of his trance and quickly hopped off to find you. In hopes of salvaging what had happened between you two.

Mattsun and Makki were right to laugh at you for not making it home safely. You were making your way up the trail just outside of the house and you slipped once again on black ice hurting your ankle really badly. There was no one around and the cell service was bad. You were stuck there until the boys came back to one laugh at you, two then for Oikawa to scold you for not being careful and three for them to actually help you. You laid down in the frigid cold air and the cold wet snow with the slight cold approaching teeth chattering. You heard crunches in the snow hoping it wasn’t wildlife to snack on your body. You quickly lifted your head to see Iwaizumi there. “Iwaizumi I thought you were skiing?” “I got bored. What happened?” He asked concerned. “Promise not to laugh?” He nodded. “I slipped on black ice and I think I sprained my ankle when I tried to get up and stand on it, it really hurt. I don’t think I heard a crack so that’s a plus. Can you help me up?” He leaned down and picked you up bridal style. You thought he would just give you his arm or let you use him as a crunch as you hobbled your way back to the house. You couldn’t help to look at him. He seemed different. “How long were you there?” He asked. “I think for an hour.” You chattered your teeth at the end of the statement. “Are you cold?” “Very much.” And with that comment, he brought you closer to his body. Sure it was a nice gesture and warm and made you involuntarily melt into him but he was acting weird. He was being nice to you. When you finally got to the house he placed you on the couch making sure pillows were supporting your back and elevated your foot. He carefully untied the book and slid it off. You wince when you saw it bruised and swollen. “Yeah, it looks sprained to me. You might need to get it x-rayed to make sure. But you should stay off it for the remainder of the trip. I’m gonna make a fire to warm you up. Then I’ll get you your pajamas and warm socks. And I’ll make you hot chocolate with cinnamon your favorite.” “Are you sick Iwaizumi?” You said putting your hand to his head to check for a fever. “No.” He swatted your hand away. “I’m not totally heartless.” “Are you taking care of me because of pity? Because if you are I’m just going to go to bed and sleep it off. Because I don’t neee-” you stretched out the e’s in need when you were getting off the couch. “Jeez, I’m just trying to take care of you. What is the harm in that?” “Because you hate me. You shouldn’t be doing this. You are only nice to me in front of Tooru and now you are acting as if he is here watching us.” “I’m not acting.” “Then what changed your tune. Because I thought you saw me as a nuisance at least that is what you said to me. So tell me what it is that is making you act like I’m in the Bizzaro?” “Mattsun told me you like me!” You were frozen. More so than you already were. You did like him when you were in high school, maybe you still did. Maybe you were still hung up on the fact that he was so kind to you and you laughed together that it led to that hurtful text you received. “Are you going to say anything?” “Are you doing this out of pity because I liked you?” “No, no. See the thing is….” God how was he going to tell you that he likes you too. And he thought pushing you away was the best decision for him. “I-I like you as well.” “Then why do you act like a prick?!” “I like you a lot and I thought for the longest time you liked Mattsun and he liked you. I wasn’t going to do anything and hurt him. I thought we would go to different colleges and only see each other when Oikawa did things like this. But then we were going to go to the same college and I couldn’t deal with being around you if you didn’t have the same feelings. So I pushed you away. I didn’t know what I said hurt you so bad until today when Mattsun told me. And for that I’m sorry. My intention was never to hurt you just push you away.” You leaned over to him and kissed his cheek. “You are an idiot. You need to make it up to me big time. You said some hurtful words to me.”   “You can forgive me? After what I did-” This time you pecked him on the lips to shut him up. “Yes, idiot I forgive you.” He pulled you in for a hug and you heard his heart beating really fast. “Are you ok?” “Better than ok.” He leaned down to kiss you but was met with a glove to the face. “Get off her Iwa!” Oikawa shouted from the doorway. “Shittykawa what the fuck!” “Tooru it is fine.” You said. “No! No! I made him promise me not to make out in front of me with you. It is like watching my siblings kiss. Gross. Vulgar.” “It is not gross, Shittykawa!!” You said to him. “N/n don’t call me that,” Tooru said, sounding like a wounded puppy. Iwaizumi got up from the couch and kissed the top of your head. “I’m gonna get your pajamas you lay here and don’t move.” He whispered. On his way out he hit Oikawa in the back of the head. “Leave her alone Shittykawa. You gave me your blessing about 3 years ago so shut up.”   Makki and Mattsun walked into the living area and saw your ankle. “Couldn’t be careful once?” “See you try not to slip on black ice. And I don’t have years of volleyball muscle in my legs.” “Clumsy as ever. Let’s hope that heart of yours doesn’t slip and get shattered.” Mattsun said. “Because if he does hurt you I’ll hit him till he breaks.” With a haunting smile saying Oikawa’s catchphrase.

Iwaizumi came back with sweatpants and took you to the bathroom to help you put them on. He then put you back on the couch where the boys were watching a movie, chosen by Oikawa. (He chose Titanic; he was crying the whole time.) Iwaizumi proceeded to make your hot chocolate which led him to make some for everyone and a fire. You started drifting to sleep and he picked you up from the couch and brought you to bed and tucked you in. He must have taken down the pillows in the middle because when he came into bed his arms were around you. You felt safe in his arms. He kissed your cheek again and said, “You can call me Hajime but never Iwa.” To this, you smirked and replied, “Goodnight Hajime.”

[3pirouette]

Title: An Experimental Design

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3  Anyone else please ask first :) 

Story Summary: Sequel to “What Number?”, also prompted from Steggy Bingo Bash Prompts.  Takes place about a week after that fic. 

Chapter A/N: This chapter is for everyone who has been posting their theories about what will happen. It's always been planned this way since I first started writing, so I hope you enjoy. 

Chapter 8: Fallout

~*~

She held his hand out the door, and in the backseat as they drove back to the base. He didn’t acknowledge the tremor in her hand out loud, or that fact that while they both knew that Howard wouldn’t purposely hurt them, everything about the situation was dangerous and unknown.

She only let go when they arrived at the base, slipping the mask of propriety and duty back on, her worried eyes hiding behind a false confidence he could see right through.

~*~

The very first thing she did when they got back to apartment was run for the bathroom, retching sounds filtering all the way back to Steve at the front door. He moved slowly, taking his time to get to her and allow her some privacy. The procedure itself had been quick and nearly painless: two shots each, right in the upper arm, though Steve’s needles were decidedly larger than the ones they used on Peggy. It had taken them longer to get there and back in the car.

Steve grabbed a washcloth and ran it under cool water as he slipped next to her in the bathroom, handing it to Peggy as he crouched down. “Guess he wasn’t lying about the side effects, huh?”

She nodded, wiping at her mouth and then pillowing her head on her arm, still kneeling at the toilet. “The headache’s started, too.”

He gently ran a hand over her back. “What can I do?”

“I think I’ll stay here for the moment… stomach’s not all that settled yet.”

He rubbed her back gently. “Tea?”

“That would be lovely,” she murmured, her face pinching as she started to feel the waves of nausea again.

Steve let her be, knowing there was little he could do, and set about making her tea. Howard had listed a dozen likely side effects and a few rare ones they were supposed to be aware of that could last hours or days. Howard wasn’t sure how long the doses would last, but he’d given Steve four times more than Peggy and said to keep their fingers crossed and try to avoid excessive touching.

Steve wasn’t going to avoid comforting Peggy while she was crouched over the toilet, but a tiny peck and some gentle touches were hardly the same level of skin to skin contact they’d indulged in recently. He poured the hot water over the tealeaves and waited, watching the water darken. The list of side effects we daunting, but so far, Steve felt fine.

Fine, he thought, was putting it lightly. He felt the clearest he had in days, maybe even months. He opened the kitchen window, taking in the late morning sun and took a deep breath, the light air mixing with the soft scent of Peggy’s tea. He felt awake. Free.

This was working.

The desire he felt for her was just that: desire. It wasn’t the overwhelming lust or the desperate need for her any longer, just the low simmering love he’d felt before all of this started, ready to ignite with a touch or a kiss.

He turned, meeting her eyes as she joined him, staying by the doorway. Her color looked better already, though she had a glassy look still in her eyes. “Better?” he asked.

“Seems, for the mo’ at least.” She took a slow, deep breath in and out. “Headache isn’t too bad,” she grabbed the mug from the counter and took a slow sip, “It’s bearable. You?”

He didn’t want to flaunt his newfound revelations, not when she seemed to be still struggling. “Feeling ok so far.” He shrugged, wanting to reach out. Their directive to not touch made things awkward and stilted.

“I think I’ll take a lie in, just for a bit.” Peggy clutched her mug.

“Yeah,” he waved his hand, nodding over and over again, feeling silly and stupid and suddenly like he was 98 pounds all over again. “Yeah, just… just call if you need me.”

Her lips stayed pressed together when she smiled. Her nod was just as awkward as his, eyes retreating to her tea as she turned.

~*~

He sat on the couch, sketching her through the door to the bedroom. She’d left it open a crack, and he’d quietly widened it when he went to check on her. From his spot curled into the side of the sofa he had a perfect view of her face, overtaken by sleep, her curls falling and lips parted just slightly.

He hoped the vomiting and the headache and the fatigue meant it was working. It was hard not to feel trapped and used, he thought, as he added shading to her cheek. Despite the positive, the time and the touches, and the very clear understanding that they were in love, it felt wrong and broken to be forced together like this.

He wanted them to be living happily in a little apartment or small house in the suburbs because the war was over and they wanted to be there, not because they had to be together even if they did love one another.

The difference was small, but it mattered.

He wished he had a set of pastels to flush out the pink in her cheeks and the red of her nails, some blues and yellows to try to capture the way the sunlight tried to peek through the drawn curtains.

Steve had gotten used to the magnetic pull of her, the need to be around her, to touch her. Yesterday, he wouldn’t have thought twice about shedding his clothes and slipping into bed with her, pressing up against her and holding her close. Now, though the idea appealed to him, he was content to rest on the couch, eyes keeping watch. He hadn’t realized how strong the pull to touch her was from his end until it left him today.

He started to feel his eyelids droop as he smudged the pencil line of the blanket around her shoulder. He wasn’t normally one to nap, but it would help pass the time. Going for the entire day without touching her seemed like a monumental task. He slipped his pencil into his notebook and let it fall on his chest as he stretched out.

A quick catnap would help the day pass faster.

~*~

Peggy rolled, the blankets tangling around her. She took a deep breath, wiggling her fingers and toes and taking stock on how she felt. The nausea was gone, and though she’d slept for what she thought must have been a few hours she didn’t feel refreshed.

She turned, blinking her eyes open. Through the crack in the door she could see Steve, sprawled on the couch that was far too small, head thrown back and mouth wide open, his sketchbook perilously close to falling from his slack fingers on his chest.

She couldn’t help but smile. He seemed so soft, so innocent, so much like that small man she’d first met, even if the sheer size of him made the couch seem more like a piece of child’s furniture. Peggy slipped from the bed, wrapping her robe around herself as she made her way out into the living room. She snuck quietly across the floor, feeling the need to run her fingers through his hair, to be near him.

She wanted to believe it was working, but so far she’d only felt the ill effects that Howard had talked about. They’d have to stay away from one another for hours to see if it truly worked, and based on the pull she felt she wondered if they were even capable of that if they were this close to one another.

She did some quick math, glancing at the clock across the room and decided that it must be doing something. She should have felt something by now. The only thing she felt was the need to be around him, no tingling or discomfort at all.

Peggy stopped at the edge of the couch, one hand holding her robe together, the other gently playing over his hair, touching only enough to feel the softness against her fingertips, not enough to graze his scalp and tempt fate.

She felt a need to wrap herself in him. Not the all-consuming need that had been based in need and pain and sex, but a different kind of feeling that felt like it was spreading from deep in her, to wrap him up and be wrapped in him and stay in this small little apartment until they couldn’t avoid the outside world any longer.

He shifted under her, taking a deep breath and reaching out. She scooted her hips away, avoiding his reach but kept her hand on his head. He groaned unhappily, and she made soothing, shushing noise ass he raked her finger nails through his hair. “We’re already doing a horrible job of not touching, my darling. Let’s not tempt fate.”

He didn’t open his eyes, but he turned, pressing his head into her touch. She reached out, saving the notebook from crashing to the floor. She set it on the coffee table in front of him and smiled, the pencil rolling out and flipping the book open to the picture of her. She kissed his hair, eyes closed softly, warmth radiating through her.

The little apartment felt warm, home, and enough for now. She wasn’t in pain, wasn’t hurting, and she had Steve. It was enough, could be enough, for now at least. She slipped into the kitchen, trying to keep things as quiet as she could while she made herself another cup of tea. Would he still sketch when there were chores to be done? Would they still be so gentle with one another when the stresses of daily life were different? Would he stay with the SSR? Would they let her keep being a spy or cast her off, saying women weren’t necessary when there wasn’t a war on? There were so many unknowns, but she still somehow felt warm, solid, and happy.

Whatever Howard’s hormones were doing to her, she didn’t much mind; it was the calmest she’d felt in weeks.  

~*~

She was still sitting in the kitchen, the dregs of her tea cold in her hands, when Steve lumbered in, eyes glazed over. She watched as he pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it from the tap, chugging the contents down before refilling it over and over again. He drank with a singlemindedness that put her on edge. It was only after he’d drank what she thought was nearly a gallon that he stopped, hands on the edge of the counter, panting to catch his breath.

“Thirsty?” Peggy asked quietly, unsure if he’d even registered she was in the room.

He took a slow, deep breath and hung his head. “Yeah I—” He took another and turned, wiping the drips of water from his lips. “I woke up and I just felt like I hadn’t had anything to drink in days.” His eyes caught the afternoon sun out the window. “How long was I asleep?”

She smiled, standing and walking her mug to the sink. “We both lost a few hours there, I think. It’s almost 4.” She turned, brushing his hair from his eyes, looking him over. “Are you alright otherwise?”

He nodded quickly, almost too quickly for her liking. “Yeah, I’m… I’m just… didn’t think I’d sleep that long. I’m a little out of it.”

She let her lips kiss his shoulder, careful to keep her skin away from his. “We can continue to blame stress and Hydra. I’ll have it no other way.”

He set his hands on her hips, as careful as she was. “How about you? Still feeling alright?”

She nodded, a smile on her lips. “Stomach’s still a touch unhappy, but I think that’s more from not eating since early this morning. Otherwise, I’m…” she shrugged her shoulders, still cautious about expressing her happiness, “zero.” She couldn’t help the way the smile bloomed on her face. “We haven’t touched enough for me to not feel something by now. I don’t want to go too far, but I’m…optimistic.”

“Good, good.” He smiled tightly, his eyes struggling with something he didn’t want to share. His hands were awkward at her hips, like he had to remind himself to be gentle with her, and his shoulders were stiff. She narrowed her eyes at him, waiting. They knew each other well enough that she didn’t have to say anything for him to know he’d been caught. He shook his head, resigned and stepping away. “I think whatever side effects I’m going to get are hitting me now. I just feel… weird. A little… I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”

“What can I do?” She asked, stepping back and giving him some more space as he leaned back against the counter.

He looked out the window, crossing his arms and shaking his head. After a long, quiet moment he licked his lips and turned back to her. “Let me make dinner… well, early dinner. Maybe it’ll help me focus.”

Peggy didn’t like the way he looked: a little sallow, eyes a little hollow, the way he looked after he’d been hurt in a firefight and he was trying to be brave for everyone else. She backed away, giving him the room. “I’ll be reading, just call if you need help.”

His smile was genuine, even if it didn’t reach his eyes. “I think I can handle some chicken and dehydrated mashed potatoes.”

Peggy licked her lips, eyes still dead set on him. She thought about joking, about trying to break the tension, but she couldn’t shake the feeling something hadn’t gone quite right with his dose. “I can call Howard, he could be here in fifteen minutes he said if anything went wrong.”

This time, the smile did make it to his eyes. “I’m fine, Peg. I promise.” He crossed to her, taking her head in his hand and dropping a kiss on her forehead. “And I’ll tell you if I’m not, ok?”

It was the sincerity in his eyes that finally gave her some sense of footing. “Alright.” She stepped back, removing the temptation to give in to more touching. “Don’t burn my potatoes.”

~*~

Peggy’s stomach was growling loud enough for Steve to hear by the time he announced dinner was ready. She tried to make a joke of it, but it fell flat as he set a full plate in front of her.

They ate silently, Steve quietly watching Peggy as she filled her mouth, struggling to keep her lips closed and be ladylike as she chewed. “I’m starved,” she tried to justify with a little laugh between bites, feeling his eyes on her. He ate sparingly, his eyes darting to her each time she took a bite. “Must be the…” she stopped, putting another spoonful in her mouth, watching as Steve only nodded, agreeing to say it was ‘just another side effect.’ She scraped the end of the mashed potatoes from her plate, wrapping her tongue around the spoon, eyes widening in confusion when Steve switched out his mostly full plate for her empty one. “Darling?”

He kept his face carefully blank. “Aren’t you hungry?”

She tipped her head, looking at him cautiously. She was very aware of how much Steve’s increased metabolism needed food, and knew very well how much he could eat. “Aren’t you? You’ve barely eaten.”

“You need it more.”

She smiled, trying to break the tense look in his eyes. “I was just hungry. I’m fine now. And there’s plenty more if—”

He dropped his fork on the empty plate in front of him, standing and pacing away. The air in the room was suddenly thick and it reminded her off too many debriefs where they’d lost and he felt responsible. The deja-vu nearly choked her it hit her so hard, but it helped her re-center and take charge of the situation.

She squared her shoulders, staring at his back. “Tell me.”

“I have to take care of you,” he bit out, grabbing the top of the kitchen doorframe and leaning into it.

With his arms up his shirt tightened around him and she could see just how tense he was, his muscles corded and ready for a fight. She stood slowly, cautiously closing this distance between them. “You are, Steve.” Her voice was soft but sure, and she left no room for arguments. “I’ve never been safer than I am at this very moment.”

He turned so fast she barely registered he’d moved before she was in his arms, his forehead pressed against her tight. It wasn’t concern, but pain on his face: his eyes shut tight, jaw working to try to find the words. “You’re not,” he finally whispered. “Everything in me is screaming that I’m not keeping you safe and…” he dropped his head, gathering her closer and burying his face in her neck. He took a deep breath in like he was breathing her into himself, trying to take her in and surround her. “I need to do better,” he muttered, “I have to do better.”

Peggy was stunned, and could do nothing but wrap her arms around him and hold him tight as he held her.

This was not a side effect Howard had prepared them for.

She cradled his face in her hands, gently pushing him back so she could see his eyes. “I am safe, Steve. I am here, with you, and I am perfectly safe.” She let her hand wipe at the sweat that started to show at his brow, over his jaw and down to his neck where she could feel his racing pulse finally starting to slow. She kissed him gently, pulling away before he could react to her lips. “I am fine. What do I need to do to help you see that?”

His eye squinted shut again as he shook his head. “Don’t know,” he mumbled, making her want to hold him close until whatever this was passed. She’d never seen him like this and it scared her.

She kissed him again, and this time, she could feel his pulse start to slow more the longer they touched.

Even if this was working for her, it seemed to be only hurting him.

Peggy pulled her lips away, pressing her cheek to his and running her hand up and down his back until his pulse quieted under her fingers. When he was significantly calmer, she finally broke the silence. “We need to call Howard.”

It was like he’d never been calm, the way his pulse jumped under her fingers and how his hands grasped tightly at her waist, holding her possessively to him. “No.”

She leaned back, eyes stern. “Steve…”

He shook his head, turning away from her to try to hide whatever it was he was feeling. “We have to go back tomorrow, anyway. Just…” He sighed, turning back to her, his eyes sad and begging. “Not yet, ok?”

If he’d said anything else, she would have fought him, but the words echoed her own past pleading to avoid doctors so closely that she found she couldn’t deny him. He’d always followed her lead, and she found she could do no less. She swallowed hard, and nodded. “But you have to eat something,” she heard herself say, unsure of where it came from or why it was suddenly so important to her.

At his nod she pulled him to the table, sitting him back down in his chair and then scooting his full plate back in front of him. He looked at it, then looked back up at her, and she could only shake her head at him.

She should have been angry, but instead she felt like she was soothing some large, wounded animal laying at her feet, unsure of how to take care of himself now that his fight was over. She perched herself on his lap, reaching over and taking the fork to feed him.

Steve’s hand stopped her own, eyes bewildered at his own actions. “Are you… are you sure you ate enough? You’re not hungry?”

She let her free hand fall over his cheek, resting at his shoulder. “That’s how you’re taking care of me?” He opened his mouth to answer, but he huffed air from his nose as he shrugged and shook his head. He didn’t know, and she didn’t, either. “Alright, then.”

Peggy, nowhere near hungry but understanding baser instincts when she saw them, took a small bite off the end of the piece of chicken on the fork. She held the rest out to him as she chewed, their eyes locked as he pulled the piece from the fork with his teeth and ate it.

It almost made her feel better that Steve seemed as baffled by his behavior as she was, that his eyes were lost and frustrated as he seemed to need to wait until she ate before he could, though as they neared the end of the plate, he took the fork from her and fed himself, his grasp somewhat looser as he held her in his lap.

“First thing tomorrow, no delaying,” she demanded softly as he pushed the plate away. He nodded and she moved from his lap, busying herself and her mind with the dishes. She tried to avoid the racing questions, the wild what-ifs that started to run through her mind as she cleaned the pans and plates, Steve still sitting quietly behind her.

She couldn’t help but smile when she felt him behind her as she stood at the sink, rinsing the last plate. It felt more like the way things had been for him to step up behind her with her hands filled with soap suds. He pressed tight against her, chest to back, and let his hands wrap around her, holding her low on her belly. His nose nuzzled against her nape as she set the last plate to dry, leaning back into him. She heard him take a deep breath in, the air tickled over her skin and made her shiver.

Peggy reached one arm up behind her, letting her fingers tangle in his hair, holding his lips against her flesh as he began to kiss and nip. It was different from how he’d held her at the sink the other day: it was more insistent, more possessive. She tried to avoid the dark thoughts that wanted to seep into her mind as he touched her. He needed her touch right now, and that’s all she cared about.

She couldn’t help but wonder if this was how he felt every time she’d come to him, worked up and needing something only he could give.

Steve growled, low in his throat. It was deep and dark and domineering and something about it excited her. They were supposed to be avoiding touching, but she had barely touched him all day and she felt starved for him.

He felt wound up behind her, the power in his body held back and ready to burst. She wondered if it was the hormones or just the feeling of finally deciding to allow herself to touch him after all the hours of trying to stay apart. Either way, it had been hours since they’d touched before dinner and she felt no pain, no tingling, no discomfort but she yearned for him like she couldn’t explain.

He spun her in his arms, lifting her on to the counter and taking her lips. She kissed him back, happy to let him take the lead, his eyes dark with lust.

~*~

He held her possessively as he slept, in a way Peggy couldn’t ever remember Steve holding her before. On one hand, she felt safe and protected, but on the other, this new, darker side to him was concerning. It was the only reason she’d relented, the only reason she’d allowed him to touch her.

She’d only seen it when she couldn’t process it: when she’d been in so much pain and his skin was the only thing that would bring her relief. She could almost remember the look on his face in the hospital, and again when he crashed through the wall, but tonight she could see his eyes, feel the energy burning through him and she knew, she knew deep down, something about what Howard had done had caused this switch in him.

Touching him helped, just like it had helped her, but he said he didn’t feel pain. He couldn’t describe it to her beyond the idea of keeping her safe. She didn’t know what that meant to him, didn’t know why it tapped into his need to see her eat, then to see her safely to the bedroom, to hold her until he needed to touch and kiss her again, then to hold her until he fell asleep.

She wasn’t sure if the touching was helping all that much, but at least he was asleep.

The knot of anxiety in her stomach started to rise, acid burning and that sickly wave feeling ran through her as she broke out in a sweat. She tried to push away from him but his arms twined around her tighter.

“Mine,” he mumbled in his sleep.

“Steve, let go,” she pushed against him while attempting to slow the rising nausea within her, but trying to move his arms was like trying to dislodge metal clamps. “Please, I have to—”

She knew he wasn’t fully awake, she’d encountered this sleepy, half cognizant Steve before. Usually, he was soft and gentle and smiled at her. This one grumbled and repeated his possession of her, holding tight.

Finally, Peggy could take it no more. She kicked him between the legs, hard, and scrambled to the edge of the bed when he loosened his grip. She didn’t make it to the bathroom, but managed to vomit on the floor, avoiding ruining the bed.

By the time she turned back he was wide awake, pressed up on his elbow, eyes clearer than she’d seen them in hours. She wiped at her lips with the back of her hand, kicking her way out of the blankets and climbing out of the bed from the bottom, avoiding looking at him.

“Peggy…” He sat, still confused, “what…”

She nearly ran from the room, making it to the bathroom just in the nick of time. When there was nothing left to come back up, she flushed the toilet and rinsed her mouth before heading back to the bedroom.

The lights were on and Steve was drying the floor where he’d cleaned up her mess. He stopped and stood when she leaned on the doorjamb, spent. “Peggy, I’m so sorry.” He looked down at the towel in his hand and then tossed it over by the laundry bag before looking up to her, his blue eyes full of confusion and sadness. “I’ll call Howard right now.”

She nodded, hands still shaking a bit from vomiting. “I’m going to make a cup—”

“I’ve got it,” he said quickly, moving to her and pressing a kiss to her hair before lifting her from her feet and setting her on the bed. “Lay down, I’ll bring it in after I’ve called Howard.”

She watched him go, tears pricking at the back of her eyes. She wanted to argue, but he seemed clearer, more like himself, and she was afraid to open up whatever Pandora’s Box was behind his need to take care of her, at least until Howard got there.

Peggy slipped back into bed, building the pillows up behind her. She might be better, but that meant nothing if Steve was worse.

[clockworkgraystairs]

38 for jurdan pls? 😇🖤💫

HELLO MY LOVE!

I’m so sorry this took so long *sobs* 

I swear I try to make this ones short but it. just. doesn’t. happen.

BUT IT’S FINALLY HERE!!  I hope you enjoy it

38.  I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU, DUMBASS 

Jurdan - College AU 1 

Jude’s phone buzzed. Again. The thing had been doing that for the whole damn morning.

So she’d been ignoring it. 

Well, not exactly. 

More like, she hadn’t been able to answer. Everytime it ringed Jude felt like it was drilling her head. 

So here she was, lying in bed for the second day in a row with fever and terrible headaches. Missing class again. 

She was not used to miss any classes. In fact, she was feeling really upset about it. Jude was one of the best in her course, barely competing with other two people. As a future journalist, she needed to be one of the best since it was a very demanding career.  Besides, she’ll have mid-term exams soon, and missing not one but two full lectures made her terribly anxious. Not to mention her very scholarship being in danger if she dared to drop her grades. Only by some miracle she’d been accepted in Insmire College, so she refused to let the opportunity slip away from her hands that easy.

But it turns out to be, her body had some other plans. And Jude didn’t know if she ate some spoiled food or what the hell was going on because two nights ago she’d woken up practically running to the toilet to throw up the contents of her stomach.

She didn’t even had the strength to go to the doctor nor any roommate who could take her there, so she figured she’d wait until it was out of her system and rest in the meantime. 

Or die, if it was her destiny. 

Maybe she wasn’t meant to finish her career. Maybe all of those years of effort and nights without sleeping were for nothing. Maybe-

A loud knock on her door woke her up from her thoughts. 

Jude furrowed at the sound. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Probably just some street vendor, they were common in that zone.  If she didn’t answer he would simply leave.

So she closed her eyes again and buried her face back in the pillow

But no. Whoever was out there kept banging at the door, louder this time. If they didn’t shut up they’d be so sorry as soon as she regained her balance. 

Just ignore them, she sighed.

“Duarte, are you there?! Open up!” A loud bang again. 

Jude’s eyes snapped back open and groaned. Oh no. No no no no. Not him.

“I can see the lamp light on, I know you’re in there, c’mon!” He knocked again.

Jude stood and stumbled to the door opening it furiously. The light outside blinded her for a moment, making her headache worse, but then there he was. Grinning like an idiot as always, with that annoying and perfect smile of his. 

God she hated him. Most of the time at least. 

Ever since that day, back in sophomore year, when she’d thought he was flirting with her but at the end he’d only stole her ideas for a final project. He was another one of the top three in her class, clever and cunning as the devil itself. All of the teachers were always praising him even when they’d just asked for the hour. It was ridiculous. 

With the door wide open, Jude suddenly remembered she was wearing a really old and ragged dress she used for sleeping.

He whistled “Not your day huh? What happened, your alarm ran away?”

She glared at him. Now, in senior grade, Jude had been paired with him for a research project that to her misfortune, he was completely agreeable to do. And it would have been much easier if he’d kept his usual arrogant and smug attitude. 

Instead, Cardan was being the perfect gentleman. 

Whenever she asked for a meeting for the project, he attended. He was punctual, sometimes even more than her. Some other days he arrived with two coffees, or muffins, or whatever thing he found on his way, to share with her. 

He focused on their chores, working hard when needed and relaxing and telling fun riddles when not. More than once Jude caught herself laughing as if they were best friends. Then remembered they weren’t, and went back to work silently. 

Cardan was not her friend. He was her competition, a strong one if she was being honest to herself. He seemed to acknowledge that too sometimes. When they ran to each other in the hallways he barely noticed she was there, some other days he just winked at her and turn away. 

When they were in class though, their battles for dominance were fierce and Jude hated to see him smirk everytime that happened. He could not be her friend.

And yet, he was now outside her shitty apartment clearly puzzled by the look of her. The gown, her messy hair, she was even bare feet. It was humiliating. 

“What on earth are you doing here?” She sighed, rubbing her eyes.

His eyes roamed her figure once. He quirked an eyebrow.  “Checking if you’re still alive to begin with. You’ve missed two days of college, I can’t tell if you’ve noticed. That cannot be good for your final grade, especially not with professor Noggle.” 

He was unbelievable. Jude blinked. “You came here… to tell me I’m getting a bad grade?”

“Yeah.” Cardan shrugged. “Well, also to ask why the fuck you didn’t arrive to our meeting this morning, but I guess I have my answer now. As comfy as your bed might be that research is not doing it on its own…”

From one moment to another she felt her balance falter. He kept talking but Jude just only saw his mouth move. A prickling sensation ran up her fingers. Her eyes unfocused and the world around her seemed to start swaying. At some point Cardan ceased his ranting and said her name, it sounded as if he was underwater. Jude tried to answer something but her voice failed while the floor changed below her.

She was about to reach the floor when two strong arms gripped her, slowing her fall. Jude heard him bark a curse as he pulled her up and carried her inside. Somehow he closed the door with his foot and settled her in the couch. His hands cupped her face prompting her to open her eyes. His fingers were cool against her boiling skin.

“Fuck, you’re burning… Jude.” Cardan insisted. “Jude look at me.” 

Her eyes took a while before managing to focus on his, dark as the night sky. How many times she’d lost herself looking at those eyes? 

“Can you hear me?” He continued, gently pulling strands of her away from her face. “I need a cloth, can you tell me where is it? You’re ok, I’m here.” 

A spark of consciousness shone on Jude’s brain and weakly pointed at the kitchen drawers. 

Cardan stood and in the meantime she tried to focus on her breathing. The sensation of fainting started leaving little by little.

Cold touched her forehead out of nowhere and she groaned. Cardan made soothing noises as he caressed the wet cloth over her. 

“What on earth Duarte?” he whispered. 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, not sure if her words came out the right way. “I’ve been feeling a little ill…”

“A little ill? You’re burning up in fever!” Oh now he was angry. Great. “How much have you been like this?”

Jude shrugged, closing her eyes again. “A couple of days, I figured out it would leave later but-”

“But nothing, you cannot feel like this and not calling anyone Jude!” Cardan paused and took a deep breath. “This is what we are going to do. As soon as you can, you are going to get your ass into that bathroom there and have a cold shower. I’ll make you some soup.”

“Soup.” She repeated, chuckling under her breath. “So apart from everything you also cook. Damn, that’s why everyone loves you.”

Jude looked back at him and found a cold, decided stare. “If you don’t get that shower in the next 5 minutes I’m going to give it to you myself, understood?”

She gulped, feeling her heart skip a beat. 

Ten minutes later, Jude came out the bathroom and sat back in the couch rubbing her damp hair with a towel. She was feeling better but still a little weak. She’d put on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that belonged to another pijamas. 

“Here.” Cardan’s voice pulled her gaze up. He placed a bowl in her hands and took a step back. “Eat.” 

Jude’s stomach growled with hunger at the sight of the soup. When was the last time she’d eaten something? She took a spoonful into her mouth and almost moaned in relief. It was absolutely delicious. Damn him.

She glanced up and found him also looking back at her. His eyes hard and his jaw shut tight. 

“Don’t just stay in there, creep. Sit down.” Jude motioned to the place next to her. He obliged. 

Jude ate in silence, and at some point Cardan just started telling her what had happened those days she’d missed. She smirked when he told her how boring was to debate with Noggle alone, since she hadn’t been there.

When she finished, she left the bowl on the little table next to the sofa. Then grabbed her pillow.

“I see you’re feeling better now…” He started. “But either way I’m taking you to a doctor, and that’s not a question.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jude said. She placed her pillow over Cardan’s legs and he stiffened when she laid her head over it. “The least you can do is let this poor woman sleep a little before taking her out to the cruel world.”

“Are you feverish again?” His voice came out a little strained.

“Mm no, I’m just tired.” Her words were more a whisper than anything. “Give me half an hour, I’ll be ready to go after that. Please?”

~

Cardan nodded nervously and leaned his back to the couch, hesitating before lifting a hand and softly caress Jude’s hair between his fingers. 

She sighed happily, already more asleep than awake. “Careful, with all these attentions one would think you actually like me.” 

He snorted. “Don’t make me laugh Duarte.”

She made a noise but didn’t talk again. Cardan peered down and watched her sleep, looking peaceful as she wasn’t usually seen. He allowed himself to smile. 

“Like you…” He repeated. “I’ve been in love with you for months now, you dumbass.”

He sighed and rested his head back, closing his eyes. At least for now, he could let himself daydream about this being a regular day with her. Even if it was only for half an hour. 

**********

Masterlist 

[pastelwitchling]

This prompt is a gift for @draculaspetbee.

I have no idea how Synesthesia actually works, but I hope this is close enough.

***

               Alex had never seen Michael bleed that much before.

               He was used to pain, used to injuries, used to having his skin sewed up and his bones dislocated and his muscles strained. But seeing Michael lying on the floor like that with his head in a pool of his own blood, that was enough to shatter him.

               Alex’s left foot tapped the tiled ground nervously. He felt Isobel’s hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see her giving him half a smile. The best she could muster.

               Alex knew he shouldn’t have seemed so worried, but Max was pacing back and forth and Isobel more clutched Alex’s shoulder than merely touched it and no one had come to tell them anything about Michael and he was losing his mind just waiting here.

               He stood. Michael wouldn’t have waited if it had been Alex who was injured. Michael would’ve stormed in there and demanded to know what was going on. At the very least, he wouldn’t have wanted to leave Alex alone.

               Sure, a small voice taunted. Keep telling yourself that.

               Alex shoved it down, inhaling deeply, even as he sat back down and resumed tapping his foot. After what felt like days, or it may have been minutes, Kyle stepped out. Despite the fact that Max was already standing, it was Alex who first spoke.

               “Is he okay?”

               “He’s fine,” Kyle said with a sigh. “And working on my last nerve. He took a real hit to the head, luckily his skull is pretty thick already.”

               “Kyle,” Alex said, exasperated, and Kyle held up a hand.

               “Sorry, sorry, thought it’d relieve the tension,” he said. “Look, he had minor brain damage, but the acetone’s already fixing it as we speak.”

            ��  “Will it give him any problems?” Max asked as Isobel thoughtlessly tugged on the hem of Alex’s jacket.

               “He may start seeing spots, may have some trouble remembering what happened, but like I said, the nail polish remover is doing its job. Any side-effects should be gone by the end of the day.”

               Alex nodded. “Thanks, Kyle.”

               “Sure,” Kyle said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some alien MRIs to burn before anybody starts asking questions. Isobel, I could really use your help. With your mind control, I can be quick.”

               “I told you,” Isobel said, still nervously glancing at the hospital door. “It’s not mind control.”

“Whatever, Yoda. Come on.”

               Isobel followed him with a roll of her eyes, and Max raised his brow at Alex. Alex shrugged. “We had a Star Wars marathon.”

               *

               Michael didn’t need the bandages. He’d told Kyle as much when he’d woken up with a throbbing migraine.

               “It’s a headache,” Michael had complained. “I’m fine!”

               “You want to go out there and tell my colleagues why you came in with a blunt head injury and walked out healed? Now, stop whining, lay back down, and try to rest, or so help me God, I will kill you myself!”

               Michael huffed, scratching at the bandage with one hand and chugging down another bottle of acetone with the other. In truth, aside from a slight headache, he didn’t feel as if he’d been attacked by an evil clone of his brother at all.

               Then Kyle’s phone went off, and Michael froze. It rang with a familiar song. Michael didn’t have the time to discern what song exactly because a wave of colors – gray and dull yellow – suddenly flashed before him. He winced and nearly dropped his bottle of nail polish remover.

               Just as soon as the colors started, they stopped. Kyle had shut off the ringing with a groan.

“Geez, sorry,” he muttered, checking the screen before he stuffed it back into his pocket. “Forget to turn that off. You okay?”

               Michael realized he was clutching his head and staring at the wall ahead of him. But where there had been faint colors only a second ago, there was now only white tiles.

               “What – uh – what was that?”

               “What was what?”

               “The colors,” Michael said. “I saw something gray and…” but even as he said them, he realized how ridiculous he sounded.

               Kyle, on the other hand, didn’t seem to want to mock him. His expression softened fractionally, a look Michael had no doubt he perfected while working with patients that believed they were detrimentally ill even when they were, in reality, perfectly fine.

               “You’re still healing, remember?” he said not unkindly. “Your head suffered some damage, there will be repercussions. Don’t be surprised if you saw a little more than a few weird things today.”

               Michael slumped in his seat. “Great,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes. He made a silent vow that, the next time he saw Mr. Jones, he was going to throttle him with his bare hands.

               “Stop whining,” Kyle said. “Max and Isobel are here.” He paused. “So is Alex.”

               At Alex’s name, Michael looked up. He tried not to look too eager, but Kyle seemed to already have caught him.

               “Yeah,” the doctor muttered as he headed towards the door. “Knew that would cheer you up.”

               Soon Max and Alex were coming in, Alex had his hands in his pockets, his head tilted slightly in that way it usually did when he was trying to look a person over for injuries and not let on that he was doing it. Michael tried not to smile as he thought of Alex worried for him.

               “So?” he prompted. “How do I look?”

               Max scoffed as Alex took a seat on the edge of Michael’s bed, beside his feet. Michael realized the armchair was free, but chose not to mention it.

               “Funny,” Alex said quietly. Now that they were sitting so closely together, Michael could see the dark circles around the airman’s eyes, his hollow cheeks, the frown lines etched into the corners of his mouth.

               His heart stuttered as he wondered how long it had been since Alex had slept.

               “Kyle says you’re gonna be okay,” Max said. “How’re you feeling?”

               Just a headache, Michael almost said, and considered what would happen if he said he was all right. Alex would probably leave, return to Forrest who was probably waiting for him at their shared home. He swallowed.

               “Like… someone bashed my head in with a hammer,” he said slowly, and Alex’s concern grew. Michael slumped his shoulders and leaned heavily on his pillows for effect, and his heart leapt when he saw Alex scoot closer to him on the bed, as if unable to help but come to his rescue.

               Max gave him an exasperated look that so clearly said, Are you seriously going to do this? Luckily, Alex didn’t seem to be paying him any attention, his eyes focused solely on Michael.

               “Should I get you more acetone?” Alex asked and moved to stand. “I think I still have some bottles in my car.”

               “No!” Michael yelled, grabbing Alex’s wrist before he realized everyone in the room was staring at him in silence. “Uh – I mean, you know, it doesn’t hurt that bad. I’ll survive it… I guess.”

               “Oh,” Alex blinked. “O-Okay. Then I’ll just… stay here.”

               Michael nodded solemnly. “I think that would be best. Max, you don’t have to wait here.”

               “Mmm,” Max hummed dryly, his lips pursed. “Well, in that case, I don’t think Alex really needs to be here either.”

               “Alex stays.”

               “Michael,” Max said through grit teeth. “He’s not a machine, he needs to rest. Same thing you should be doing.”

               “He can rest here,” Michael argued.

               “Where? You want him to sleep in the chair? And anyway, he hasn’t eaten either.”

               “Um,” Alex tried. “Guys –”

               “He can eat here, too!” Michael started and flinched loudly as Max’s alarm went off this time. The sound echoed throughout his skull, like there were loudspeakers placed in every corner, and then projecting out before him in a slide of colors, splashing against the walls and the people around him. Different shades of reds, purples, pinks, and white moving before him, creating wave after wave, like an ocean coming for him.

               It took Michael a while to realize that Alex was shaking him.

               “Guerin,” he tried. “Guerin, are you okay? Max, quickly, call Kyle.”

               Max’s phone seemed to have been stuck because he was roughly tapping the screen now, silencing the alarm. At once, the colors around him began to fade.

               “No,” he said, his voice ragged, though he couldn’t say why. “I don’t need Kyle, I’m fine, just… tell me you saw that, too.”

               Alex and Max exchanged confused looks. “Saw what?” Max asked, and Michael shook his head, pressing the bottoms of his hands into his eyes.

               “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Michael whined low in his throat.

               “Guerin?” Michael looked up as Alex put a hand on his shoulder. “Tell us what you’ve been seeing.”

Alex still looked concerned, but there was a steely expression beneath it, a resolve to protect no matter the opposition. Michael didn’t think there was anyone who could love as much as he loved Alex.

Michael shook his head. “It’s like every time any music or alarm plays, I just see colors jumping out at me.”

Max looked confused a moment, then he looked to Alex. “That’s not a real thing, is it?”

“I think it is,” Alex scratched his jaw. “It’s rare though. Something like synthe – syna – something.”

“Should we be worried?”

“Nah,” Alex said thoughtfully, his hand still on Michael’s shoulder. Michael tried his luck and tugged at Alex’s wrist. As he spoke, Alex moved to sit next to Michael on the bed. He seemed to hardly notice as Michael leaned into him, putting his head on Alex’s shoulder. “Kyle did say he had brain damage, but it’s healing as we speak. I think it’ll be gone by the end of the day.”

“No kidding?” Max whistled. “So you can actually see colors? What, like, coming out of the phone?”

“No, just,” he shrugged helplessly. “Everywhere.”

“That’s sounds so cool,” Alex said into Michael’s hair. “And terrifying at the same time.”

“Michael,” Max said, exasperated. “Would you get off him already?”

“He’s not complaining,” Michael argued.

“Guys –”

“Because he’s too nice to, but he does have to get back to Forrest at some point.”

“You just had to bring him up, huh?”

“Sort of, he is Alex’s boyfriend.”

“Guys,” Alex cut in, laughing. Michael’s eyes fluttered at the sound, and he could’ve sworn he saw a shimmer of gold swim before his eyes. “I’m fine. Forrest knows Michael’s here, and he won’t expect me back until morning.”

“But, Alex, you –”

“Max, really,” he said kindly. “It’s okay.”

Max sighed, and Michael could feel his glare, but he chose to cling to Alex’s waist instead, turning his face into the airman’s shoulder and inhaling his scent. He felt Alex chuckle, Alex’s arm coming around his shoulder, keeping him safe and warm.

“Okay,” Max said, rubbing his face. “I’m gonna go check on Isobel. Don’t worry about leaving, Alex, no matter what he tells you.”

“Got it,” Alex laughed, and again, Michael blinked rapidly as more gold and silver shimmered before his eyes.

I wonder if . . .

“Hey,” he murmured against Alex’s shoulder when Max was gone. “Sing for me.”

“What?”

“Sing that song you wrote,” Michael said.

“Oh,” Alex said quietly, and Michael slowly took his hand. He pressed Alex’s palm against his own jaw, and turned into the touch, inhaling his scent.

“You won’t do it for me, Private?”

Alex scoffed into his hair. Michael’s eyes fluttered and he tilted his head up a little more, until Alex’s lips were touching his forehead. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend he and Alex were together, and there was no Forrest waiting for him to go home to him in a few hours.

“Getting a little too cozy, aren’t you?”

“Does it bother you?” Michael asked, and pressed further into Alex’s side. “I’m hurt, you know. I need you more than he does.”

“Guerin, you can’t say stuff like that.”

“I don’t care,” he said, and pressed his face into the crook of Alex’s neck. “Sing for me, Private.”

Alex said nothing for a moment, and Michael wondered if he would suddenly decide to leave, and Michael would be left in the cold again, only able to imagine Alex’s body against his. Then –

Would you meet me in the middle?

Could we both stop keeping score?

There’s a battle I must fight alone,

It’s you I’m fighting for...

Michael’s heart thrashed in his chest. He wanted to close his eyes to the sound, fall asleep to Alex’s song. He knew it would be less painful than staying awake and watching Alex leave, but as shades of gold, silver, and different shades of blue began playing out before him, Michael found he couldn’t look away.

As Alex sang, it was like entire galaxies were unfolding. Golden sunlight, the dust of stars, deep and pale hues of blue and purple and pink. He should’ve known that Alex’s music was unlike any other, Alex’s voice a remnant of the planets that had come together to create him. He couldn’t tell Alex what he was seeing – he hardly understood it himself. But it felt like having lightning in a bottle, this moment. Alex’s voice in his ears, his music playing out before Michael in an array of colors that the galaxies couldn’t rival.

“Guerin?” Alex said softly, and the colors slowly began to fade. Michael realized he was clutching Alex’s hand too tightly, his other arm tightening around Alex’s waist.

He quickly let go, sitting up. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Alex said. “What’d you see?”

Michael shook his head. “I don’t know. But it… it was amazing.”

“Yeah?”

Michael nodded. A moment of silence. Then, Alex’s hand came gently around his head, and he was guided back onto Alex’s shoulder, their bodies pressed together at the sides.

“Alex…” Michael breathed as he felt Alex’s other hand in his hair, raking his curls back.

“I have a little more time,” Alex said quietly, as if embarrassed by his own words, but unable to stop. “I’ll keep singing.”

So he started again, and just as they had before, colors of gold, silver, blues and pinks and purple surrounded them, turning the world around them to something better than a rainbow, better than the stars, better than anything.

Michael hugged Alex’s waist as he listened, as he watched, and he realized, in an ironic sort of way, that the home he’d been working so hard to return to, the reason he’d been fixing that old spaceship for so long, had come to him now because of Alex.

[lexicals]

Liner notes for An Echo, An Answer

Okay let's give this a go I guess? I may add more to this if I remember things too lol

Fair warning this is an exceedingly long post. It has ~subheadings~ (ooh). These cover: 

Fun Facts

Notes about mira

Notes on actual writing/plot

Post-canon tidbits (to be supplemented by actual post-canon oneshot coming maybe not soon but definitely at some point probably)

Needless to say this contains some BIG OL’ SPOILERS. Please enjoy o:

Some general Fun Facts™:

When I posted the first few chapters of this fic, I didn't have a fucking clue where it was going. I didn't even know how kravitz died until I'd already posted like 10 chapters lmao. This was a stressful way to write and I am never doing that again

In terms of inspo, I remember there being a fic in which taako was a ghost and kravitz was a medium (if anyone knows what fic this is PLEASE tell me I cannot find it) and I think I subconsciously took inspiration from this. Also I’d already written a vampire au and I wanted more undead boyfriend shenanigans, I looove playing with the liminal aspects of kravitz being a dead-but-not-dead character

There was a goof version of this fic where kravitz wasn't from the 1900s at all and died in like. The early 2000s or something. He died having come back from/at a costume party, people assumed he was an actual ye olde victorian ghost, and he decided to just lean into it. Cue fake accent. This was scrapped mainly because I loved the ‘sleepy hollow’-esque man-out-of-time shenanigans way too much and also because I know very little about the early-2000s US but do you know what I do know a moderate amount about? 1900s england

I have not read the cask of amontillado and I did not know what it was until seeing the memes, which was after I wrote the basement body twist. I just wanted to have a cheesy secret basement behind a bookcase c'mon it's a murder mystery in an old spooky house let me have this

Anyone who's followed my content for a while probably knows that I'm a big trans kravitz stan, but I dithered over making him trans in this fic a Lot. This was mostly down to self-doubt abt a story ft. a trans man living as his preferred gender in that time period would be deemed "unrealistic" but in the end I said fuck it I want this & I think that was the correct move. Also I read a fair bit about absolute legend dr james barry & that made me a bit more confident about committing to the decision bc these people did exist & they deserve their rep

You may notice that all of the major OCs created for this fic are women. This was an accident but also I stand by it bc I think it helps to balance out the fact that so much of the ‘screentime’ is being dominated by the male leads (inc. angus, who probably has the 3rd most screentime after taako & krav). They’re also all just, absolutely indomitable people. I have a type when it comes to OCs. Speaking of:

Notes on mira:

Mira was very much a character created to serve a purpose, but she ended up becoming a lot more than that and I'm glad people warmed up to her while reading as much as I did while writing. She wasn't going to have anywhere near as much screen time initially as she did in the end but I just loved her & how her relationship with kravitz turned out so much that I ended up writing a bunch of snippets with the two of them just for me, which eventually turned into the fragment chapters because I wanted to share how gd cute they were. Also they ended up being pretty useful for plot too lol

She and flossy were actually kind of the same character to begin with, being kravitz's best friend who he lived with in a kind of lavender marriage with neither of them interested in the other but being happy enough being friends & pretending. I scrapped this pretty early for a lot of reasons but she was still the cause of his death in that version, whether or not she actively killed him. I think there was a gambling debts element at some point

Whatever iteration of the story, she was always going to be the cause of death. I ruled out actual murder pretty early on because I didn't want to tell a story about a gay, black trans man getting murdered in cold blood in his own home, which in a ghost story only really leaves manslaughter, and an accidental killing by a loved one was an idea that followed pretty hot on the heels of that decision - it's very sad, but there's no hatred behind it, so it's not too outright depressing for what is most likely an audience with a high population of marginalised people. That bittersweetness of tone - sad events, but almost always with loving intentions behind or around them - ended up being a real touchstone for the story as a whole

In terms of post-canon content for her, or I guess just stuff that wasn't mentioned in-fic lol, my idea of how her life played out is that she was a pretty solid pillar of her community for a very long time. She took what kravitz said about thinking about what she wanted to add to the world very much to heart, and her answer was for her to be to as many kids and vulnerable people as possible what kravitz was to her. Obviously in the end she poured a lot of herself into helping others out of guilt for having killed a man who she likely remembered a little rose-tinted, but the intent was always there before that too

I don't know how much this came across in the actual text but mira is mixed race (Black/white), though she is Black-coded in terms of how people see and respond to her (please tell me if I’m using these terms incorrectly). I downplayed a lot of the racial elements of this fic bc I don’t feel like it’s my place as a white writer to delve into those areas, but it is an element of her story that ties into anti-miscegenation laws and general societal attitudes and I didn’t just want to entirely gloss over those aspects, bc that wouldn’t be right of me either, so I can only hope the balance ended up working here, and for kravitz’s story too. I did a lot of the writing for mira’s story before even really thinking about this angle which is something I’ve learnt from now bc oh boy should I have thought about it sooner lmao........

Anyway. I love her. I’m very glad that other people love her too

In terms of story writing:

I used to watch A LOT of crime dramas when I was younger, and got so familiar with the structure of them that I used to predict who the killer was going to be about a quarter of the way into them almost every time. Most of the time the killer is someone introduced early on as someone fairly innocuous, but still notable, before the narrative doubles down on a red herring suspect who's proven innocent about 3/4 of the way through, paving the way for the real twist killer. You see where I took my base structure from here

So, mira is introduced early on as someone important to kravitz, who was involved in his life (& death) somehow, but in general she's more suggested to be a victim than a culprit - because of course she is, she’s a child and she loves him! I'm only just realising now that this is a "person of interest" style plot twist here. (Remember what I said about the crime dramas? Just so many of them.) But then in the end she suffered just as much as anyone else, so I guess you could say she's both a victim and a culprit, even by accident.......

Structurally I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. In my head (BECAUSE OH BOY I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THIS DOWN! Or at least not in a coherent way) the story was split into three mini arcs - the enemies section ending with the kitchen blowout, the friends section ending with the the bay window scene, and the lovers section which covers the rest of the fic. This ended up integrating really well with the main mysteries/pulls of the story - the first being the will-they-won't-they (they will, it’s fanfiction, but how?) of the romance element, and then once that's tapering off starting to dig more into the murder mystery element, which had been more of a subplot up until then, while the romance moves onto the back burner a little bit. The dual genre was an interesting challenge to try to balance and I think it turned out pretty well!

While I'm on this, setting up my breadcrumb trails for the plot twists was simultaneously very stressful and very rewarding. Trying to keep things obvious enough to be noted but subtle enough not to give the whole game away? Gave me so many headaches lmao. I actually thought for sure that some people would twig about the body in the cellar sooner than ch42, but then actually in ch42 way more people picked up on fisher's sniffing around than I expected. Clues are hard!! But at the same time seeing the handful of people who called mira as an adoptive daughter, or the fact that krav fell down the stairs, or the fact that mira's og parents were involved was very cool and it made me very happy to see people picking up the little stuff and putting it together

QUITE A FEW PEOPLE SAID NICE THINGS TO ME ABOUT HOW CLEVER THE PIANO TUNING ANGLE WAS. I CANNOT TAKE COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THIS. IT WAS A PLOT HOLE THAT I SUDDENLY REGISTERED OUT OF NOWHERE WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER & THEN ENDED UP WORKING IN SO I GUESS IT TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST & MADE ME LOOK VERY SMART BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Something else that a couple of people have noted & that I only realised in the process of writing was the fact that a lot of kravitz's ghostliness in this fic has the potential to be read as an allegory for chronic illness/disability. This was something I only caught onto myself while I was writing the scene on the porch at the end of ch42 when I was writing kravitz's dialogue and was like..... oh shit that's a thing huh. Bc he is, y'know, quite literally housebound and limited in what he can do in a lot of ways, which is part of the reason I really tried to hammer home in that chapter that even though the fic ends with him being 'cured' (because that ending was always the intention from day one before I ever thought about this reading), they would have been happy together regardless. Love is not conditional!

Post-canon thoughts:

Taako and kravitz go into the house. Kravitz says oh my god what is that smell. Taako says he made blueberry pie earlier. Kravitz says okay we're putting bedroom fun times on hold I need that RIGHT NOW

Kravitz eats way too much too fast and spends the rest of the afternoon curled up on the sofa with a horrible stomach ache. He is not used to that much rich food. Taako is not impressed with this

He rolls his eyes and they watch a movie and talk instead and get to the bedroom fun times later

On the topic of food you Know krav ends up with a bit of a tummy from taako spoiling him. He looks & feels great and taako loves how comfy he is

Also on the topic of bodies I think krav does a lot of experimenting initially with what feels good now that he has a lot more freedom in presentation. He likes to mess with his hair a lot. Dresses and skirts are still a bad feel but a little makeup is fun sometimes. Kravitz living his best undeath 2k18 (I took so long to finish this fic it’s set 2 years ago now lmaoooo)

Kravitz lets taako drive him somewhere exactly Once before vowing NEVER AGAIN taako's driving privileges are REVOKED kravitz is going to get magnus to teach him to drive instead.

Taako says what the hell are you gonna do if you get pulled over you are a hundred and thirty and also dead you can't get a license. (He could get him a fake one, but he's not going to, because he's being petty about kravitz insulting his driving.) Kravitz says fine show me yours then. Taako says no but kravitz steals it anyway. A minute later he’s produced his own undoubtedly fake license out of nowhere complete with a fake DOB and a very nice picture

Taako says gasp kravitz that's ILLEGAL. Also you know you have to make this picture worse if you want it to be convincing right

Kravitz starts giving angus music lessons. Angus isn’t a natural by any means but he works hard and that gets him a long way

OH ACTUALLY I SHOULD PROBABLY SAY SMTH ABOUT THE REUNIONS HUH. GINNY THESE ARE FOR YOU:

Maybe it's weird to start with barry but the poor man has to have a sit down. He has so many questions. Kravitz what is the afterlife like it's fine you can tell him just give him a hint please and also can he maybe get like. A blood sample or something. No that's not weird it's for science what are you talking about taako bring him back

Kravitz is fully expecting lup to wreck his shit, and she acts like she's going to right up until she's close enough to give him a big ol hug instead. She says she missed him a lot & that he's much nicer to hug now that he's not a freezy boy, and kravitz goes ;_;

It's a very tight hug though. In some ways it is still a punishment

Also could he maybe hook her up with this death goddess of his? Lup would like to be immortal too, kravitz. Kravitz can you get a resume to your boss and could you write lup a reference while you're at it

Angus!! He’s so happy to have his other uncle back!! There’s a new caleb cleveland book he needs to read so they can talk about it!! All of this after a lot of crying and hugging.

I think at some point they do go over to visit mira’s descendants. Taako says hi remember me? I brought my boyfriend to visit! Unnamed great great grandchild #1 is like um he looks kind of familiar. Kravitz says well yes there is kind of a reason for that and it’s because I’m in that picture on the wall over there, hi I’m your great great grandfather nice to meet you

The family is a little weirded out by this at first but eventually they’re like. Well alright I guess do you want a coffee

Kravitz says yes please god do you know how many people keep offering me tea

He babysits for the youngest ones sometimes. The kids love him and the adults are happy to give him stories in exchange for his time, seeing as that’s all he asks for

Taako says ask them for money and contribute to this household kravitz. Kravitz says absolutely not they’re family and you’re already getting my youtube ad revenue

Yes kravitz has a youtube channel and is also very involved in the local music scene. He can’t do anything that would technically be classed as interfering with the flow of the living world but no-one said he can’t anonymously share some of his music here and there

Johann gets him a gig conducting for his orchestra every now and then. Kravitz is fucking ecstatic and finally gets to conduct some of his own pieces in front of an audience. Maybe they actually get to that biography johann mentioned at some point. Idk I haven’t thought about that part too much

Okay I wrote WAY more than I meant to here but I hope at least some of it was interesting and feel free to ask me questions if there are elements I’ve missed off of here that you want to hear more about! (Bearing in mind some of the answers may be “actual post canon content coming soon/later” lol.) As you can tell I have a lot of things to say about this fic & I’m always more than happy to hear that people are interested!! o:

[sovereign-tempest]

// Me: “Alright, cape is drying, let’s do some replies.” Brain: “Cool...” Me: ...... *does one* Brain: “HAHAHA HEADACHE TIME! Too bad the 6 medications they’ve given you aren’t doing anything huh?”

// Guess I’ll try and finish the other 5 tomorrow... It’s annoying because the threads are super interesting but I’m in agony most days and still waiting nearly 5 months onward to see a neurologist. So trying to think and concentrate on replies just fries my brain more. Hopefully the medication starts working soon aside on making me feel ill all the time ¬¬

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 99

[Date: 20/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 20/03, 07:15 AM GMT]

[CW for minor/background character death, transphobia mention]

[Read Fetch's recent asks for context]

Little-K1ng: “hey guys im home!! is fetch here yet?? how did everything go??

...haha are you guys even still awake :)”

Maxwell: “yeah

uh”

god/dreaming crying: “im awake”

Maxwell: “shit went down....again....”

Little-K1ng: “oh of course, hope it wasnt too bad

are you guys at least okay?”

Maxwell: “so...fetch isnt coming tonight...”

Little-K1ng: “...oh

uh!! well!!! just another day to make sure... make sure everythings right for him coming back”

Maxwell: “his headache got worse”

Little-K1ng: “oh no poor thing :(”

Maxwell: “and i think he got really bad sensory overload”

Little-K1ng: “oh no !!!!!

did you have him do his anxiety exercise?”

Maxwell: “so he hid in the bathroom when....knight starting talking through the blog to us”

Little-K1ng: “oh dear”

Maxwell: “he was upset that fetch kept "barking"

cause he was upset and in pain”

Little-K1ng: “huh... internal arguing? thats interesting

"upset and in pain" wonder how that happened knight”

Maxwell: “we all tried to help him but he just kept getting madder and madder until...

he got pissed at knight”

Little-K1ng: “did he yell at you?”

Maxwell: “and wanted to scare him somehow to get him to be quiet i guess”

Little-K1ng: “oh? thats weird”

Maxwell: “we thought maybe he'd say something but then someone knocked on the bathroom door apparentally”

Little-K1ng: “you're shaking, max, do you want a hug?”

Maxwell: “ah....maybe in a bit”

Little-K1ng: “im sure it was scary watching fetch get angry like that :(”

Maxwell: “he....he said the person opened the door and there wasnt anything on the blog from fetch or knight for a couple minutes”

Little-K1ng: “.....”

Maxwell: “till fetch answered an ask asking if they were alright....he said it was warm

he...said there was a lot of red”

Little-K1ng: “..........uh.... i...

....i ....... dont follow”

Maxwell: “lawerence is gone now”

Little-K1ng: “what.?

crown-”

Maxwell: “one of the gas station employees

it wasnt crown”

Little-K1ng: “it....

uh

i....

you...

??? im”

Maxwell: “fetch....he...ripped his throat out (gore warning)”

Little-K1ng: “..............................................................................................i....................

i dont........

............i dont know..................... what to say.. to that”

Maxwell: “he didnt realize what he was doing”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think he did”

Maxwell: “when he did he panicked and started crying

its why he didnt come home

he...thought I was scared of him...”

Little-K1ng: “thats...

fuck”

Maxwell: “i wasnt...but he didnt believe me”

Little-K1ng: “of course he wouldnt, max

do you know where he is now?”

Maxwell: “knight was still there and he was being kind of condescending”

Little-K1ng: “i have to go get him whether he likes it or not, he must be terrified”

Maxwell: “i dont know...im assuming he left the gas station but I dont know where”

Little-K1ng: “fuckkkk”

Maxwell: “last i heard from him

i...called him my brother....and he said he wanted to come back but knight wouldnt let him”

Little-K1ng: “oh max....

....thats........ thats really sweet”

Maxwell: “.....i wasnt lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think you were, max

i know he wants to come back. im gonna go get him first chance i see where he is

i wont hurt him, i wont force him, but knowing he wants to come home is the only confirmation i need

i just-..... fuck, dude........

he really.... fucking killed someone”

Maxwell: “yeah...I guess none of us really expected that to happen”

Little-K1ng: “just like that....”

Maxwell: “he hasnt been in the best state of mind though

I know I haven't....”

Little-K1ng: “not to cool motive still murder at him but, running around drenched in blood as a hybrid in this type of neighborhood isnt. exactly a good look. and not too many folks are gonna take "i was upset" as an answer”

Maxwell: “yeah...i wish i knew where he was...”

Little-K1ng: “i should- i should wake up marcus-... does marcus know?”

Maxwell: “no though im surprised marcus didnt wake up when i started crying

i...cried a lot when he said he was scared to come home”

Little-K1ng: “oh max..... that hug is still on the table?”

Maxwell: “yes please”

Little-K1ng: “uwu;;”

Maxwell: “thanks mona...”

Little-K1ng: “anytime

!! and i mean that”

Maxwell: “i know you do, ha

now how to we wake the shithead....”

Little-K1ng: “ah, cold water

maybe sit on him

dip his hand in warm water prank?”

Maxwell: “jump on his stomach”

Little-K1ng: “something light hearted

and sibling-like ;)))”

Maxwell: “we could slap em”

Little-K1ng: “forgive me if im in like, way too good a mood. just coping with shock i guess”

Maxwell: “nah its fair...”

Little-K1ng: “hard to believe its real, ill try to contact his blog again

damn, that ask i sent without actually checking mustve been uh, Not The Vibe”

Maxwell: “....im gonna hit marcus with a pillow”

Little-K1ng: “yes please”

Maxwell: “not really he answered it saying he was sorry

WAKE UP BITCH!”

Marcus: “ow”

Maxwell: “we need to talk”

Marcus: “dude

what the fuuuck”

Maxwell: “important talk time

wake up”

Marcus: “Is fetch here?”

Maxwell: “so, fetch aint coming home tonight...”

Marcus: “What’s going on?”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus...

im.... home....”

Marcus: “.....hi

..whats going on?”

Maxwell: “he left the gas station after knight started trying to take control with as we know suffocates him and he got bad sensory overload and then he--”

Little-K1ng: “max, do you want to keep going?”

Marcus: “Why do I feel like I’m in trouble you both look....off”

Little-K1ng: “you dont have to”

Maxwell: “no no im good just one second please....”

Little-K1ng: “take a few breaths, its alright”

Marcus: “.........”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, ill hold you dont worry”

Maxwell: “Okay....fetch...killed one of the employees...Lawrence”

Marcus: “.....he...

...”

Little-K1ng: “im so sorry marcus...”

Maxwell: “he wasnt himself...he was talking through his blog to us as himself but knight was too....”

Little-K1ng: “ill give you a bit to process... the shock hasnt actually worn off for me yet..”

Marcus: “....fetch

...w..hy?”

Maxwell: “he kept switching back and forth between the too and lawrence came into the bathroom when he was pissed and fetch wanted to get knight to shut up...

so he tried to scare knight....not realizing hed gone too far...”

Marcus: “........”

Maxwell: “when he snapped out of it he had no memory of what hed just done and he was panicking and...crying....”

Marcus: “...I don’t... I don’t like this

Please tell me this is a joke”

Maxwell: “he said he didnt wanna come back home because he thought I was scared of him...”

Marcus: “Please pleasepleasepleaseplease”

Little-K1ng: “im checking his blog right now...... and uh.....

yeah no.. its not a joke

its a fucking horrorshow”

Marcus: “no no nonononononononono”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, do you want a hug also? or do you not want touched”

Marcus: “stop please stop stopstop”

Little-K1ng: “its a lot to take in...”

Maxwell: “i tried to get him to come home....i called him my brother....”

Little-K1ng: “im having so much trouble convincing myself its real”

Maxwell: “but...knight wouldnt let him”

Marcus: “no it’s not it’s not it’s not it didn’t happen nonononono”

Little-K1ng: “i havent even. caught up to the part where im supposed to be upset or angry. i just. i just want him home and safe and warm where i can see him i just..”

Maxwell: “he had control over the two of them...but fetch got control bacck and left but I dont know where im sorry”

Marcus: “it didn’t no nonono”

Little-K1ng: “i-..im going to sit down next to you marcus, but dont worry, i wont invade your space im just worried i might faint”

Marcus: “nothing happened everything’s okayokayokay it’s okay it’s fine everything’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “thats alright marcus, its okay. denial is okay for a while”

Maxwell: “putain

mona look”

Little-K1ng: “it helps it set in better as a gentle present

yeah?”

Maxwell: “flowers....”

Marcus: “everythings fine it’s fine it’s fine finefinefine”

Little-K1ng: “o-oh...

oh marcus.....”

Marcus: “its fine

everything’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “marcus... loosen the grip on your hair, okay? you're gonna pull too hard

you might yank some of the flowers-”

Marcus: “no nononono

Maxwell: “Ah putain putain putain!”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, please-

please give me your hands, if you can, i dont want you to hurt yourself,”

Marcus: “everything’s fine everything’s going to be okay it’s fine it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “exactly”

Maxwell: “marcus please”

Little-K1ng: “shhh sh sh sh just stop pulling your hair, just calm down, deep breaths”

Marcus: “its..it’s okay it’s fine

nothing happened it’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “marcus-

its okay to say nothing happened but... you have to come to terms with it at some point. i just want to know you're okay”

Marcus: “im fineimfine”

Little-K1ng: “you're fine, marcus

you're fine, i promise”

Marcus: “im..fine

...im fine”

Maxwell: “you aint”

Marcus: “..I’m.....im fine

I’m fine :)”

Maxwell: “youre not”

Marcus: “I’m ⎎⟟⋏⟒”

Maxwell: “NO”

Marcus: “-!

w-what?”

Little-K1ng: “WHAT

what

okay

let me not

let me not yell

okay

hhhhhh

marcus?

nnnnnoooooOO okay okay”

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “vwoop vwoop dont do that”

marcus...?: “...”

Maxwell: “No....”

marcus...?: “..I..”

Maxwell: “please no....”

Little-K1ng: “marcus...?”

marcus...?: “.....

..yeah?”

Little-K1ng: “are you...... is that like... "you"?

are you sure you're still marcus? i wont be mad

you tend to just kind of.... accept it”

marcus...?: “I’m...

...hm”

Little-K1ng: “you can think about it if you want

ill call you by whoever you are”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “your flowers are blooming and i dont know if that....... blurred the lines? or if "you" have bloomed”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know

I hate not knowing”

Maxwell: “that's okay...i didnt know for the longest time...

not like my family tried to help....”

marcus...?: “...what are they?”

Maxwell: “the flowers...?”

Little-K1ng: “they're pretty... they suit you.. at a glance, i think they're hyacinths? and... rhododendrons? huh”

Maxwell: “theyre Purple hyacinths and rhododendrons”

Little-K1ng: “yeah

do you want a mirror?”

marcus...?: “...heh

Fitting

...that’d be nice”

Little-K1ng: “here you go”

marcus...?: “....oh

Pretty”

Little-K1ng: “yeah! purple and gold is a good look”

marcus...?: “Red too”

Little-K1ng: “im........... sorry about the other night. i realized while i was at work today what i had actually said

i didnt mean it”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt mean to make you feel like viscount was less you than you are”

marcus...?: “......

...I don’t...want to be sad anymore

...I forgive you Mona

......sorry about this whole mess”

Little-K1ng: “that..... i dont deserve that, but ill take it

dont be...”

Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”

marcus...?: “It’s..kind of my fault that we’re here”

Maxwell: “its not man..”

marcus...?: “...it is

I was...

I wanted to stay”

Little-K1ng: “it wasnt your fault. i left the doors open, maxwell gave himself up, fetch uh. we'll skip that one”

marcus...?: “But I got scared when...page..took off his circlet”

Little-K1ng: “when we're all to blame theres enough to go around, dont hurt yourself carrying it all”

marcus...?: “I didn’t want to leave”

Maxwell: “you helped me get away and im thankful for that”

[Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”]

Little-K1ng: “i mean always”

marcus...?: “but you were so unhappy

And...and crown said that if you ever wanted to leave, you could

He said that

But....

But he didn’t want to let page max leave”

Little-K1ng: “he said you could leave? he might be banking on no one wanting to, which is..... surprisingly childish”

Maxwell: “thats why im confused why not just let me go...”

Little-K1ng: “almost adorable, frankly”

Maxwell: “im just a kid

well

not really”

marcus...?: “........he”

Maxwell: “im not a kid but im young”

marcus...?: “None of us

....

Before Max and fetch...

None of us...wanted to leave

We all went...for reasons

......

...I don’t like being marcus”

Maxwell: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “...you dont have to be”

marcus...?: “......”

Little-K1ng: “you can be viscount and still stay here, i wont hurt you”

marcus...?: “..........”

Maxwell: “yeah”

marcus...?: “...what about...knight fetch”

Little-K1ng: “i... they need to figure out what actually makes them happy. for that, they're gonna need time to work that out if crown wants anything lasting. but either way, neither one is gonna hold it against you”

marcus...?: “......”

Maxwell: “yeah

i know i would prefer to stay as max because....

page reminds me of who I was before I was myself....who I truly was

when i was kid who didnt know anything”

Little-K1ng: “so... page makes you feel... helpless?

vulnerable?”

Maxwell: “yeah

hes who i was before

who i am to my family

accept my family sees me as a 'she' even if I've told them im not....”

Little-K1ng: “oh ew

have no fear max, you're you. no matter what they say

same goes to you”

Maxwell: “...i....

you know how im part rat?

but dont fully look like one?”

Little-K1ng: “yeah?

Maxwell: “like fetch kids loved the make fun of me for how i looked....my grandmother gave me a necklace when I was about 10 then helped hide those features....

made my ears more human like, pointy but easier to hide

and....got rid of the other stuff

im not supposed to wear it for more than 2 weeks but i've been wearing it ever since crown took me”

Little-K1ng: “oh no is that.... like.... unhealthy??

i dont usually have to do anything to h-.... well

yknow, like i wouldnt know”

Maxwell: “.....

i hadnt taken it off cause i got so used to wearing it

and uh....didnt know what you would do”

Little-K1ng: “....do you want to take it off?”

Maxwell: “kids used to pull on my ears and yell in em

honestly?”

Little-K1ng: “honestly”

Maxwell: “yeah....my ears have been hurting because in order to hide em it squishes em”

Little-K1ng: “do you........ want us to turn around first?”

marcus...?: “We don’t have to look if you don’t want us to”

Maxwell: “perhaps it takes a second to set in and it might be helpful if you do...”

Little-K1ng: “i can chat with marcus while it... wears off i guess?

wait, marcus uh? viscount?

whichever

uh”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know”

Little-K1ng: “ill wait for confirmation on that

but uh

are you...... feeling okay?

better, at least?

i can get you some water”

marcus...?: “...I’m..yeah

....I’m alright”

[The rest of the conversation is speculation about whether Mona truly is “the fourth” member, as well as what kind of personality her court version would have. There’s only one day left before Spring is supposed to arrive, and the court members return “home”, so there’s still a possibility that Fetch might return before then]

[heyjiminyounice]

Finding Out You’re Pregnant

Namjoon

When you arrive home from work, you were exhausted, your manager had you running all over the place today. Whilst making dinner, you were talking to Joon about going to view some bigger houses because yours was getting a bit cramped for the both of you. Mid conversation you begin to feel a bit lightheaded and soon enough the world began to spin much quicker and turn black.

“What do you mean you can’t tell me what’s wrong until she wakes up?”

“Mr Kim, it would be better to wait till Miss Y/L/N is awake before we discuss this.”

You wake up hearing Namjoon raise his voice a little at the doctor. You were also accompanied by a throbbing headache and both Namjoon and the doctor both staring at you.

“Congratulations Miss Y/L/N and Mr Kim. You’re pregnant.”

Your mouth drops open in shock. Before you are even able to form words, Joon speaks up.

“Well I guess we will definitely be going to view those houses then, huh?”

Seokjin

Recently the smell of Jin’s cooking had made you feel so ill. You could tell it hurt his feelings that you guys ate out every single night that week but you couldn’t help it. You soon found out that it wasn’t just Jin’s cooking, it was everyone’s. Anywhere you went where you could smell the food being cooked, it knocked you sick. After that week you had not only began to feel faint at the smell but also throw up.

Every one was starting to notice your problem, and Yoongi suggested that you might be pregnant. That same day, after work, you went to the pharmacy to buy pregnancy tests and brought them home.

There you and Seokjin sat, on the floor, leaning against the bathtub, staring at the two bold lines on the stick.

“Wow. Y/N, we’re going to be parents.” He whispered in to your hair.

Yoongi

Your day started off normally. You woke up, made breakfast, woke up Yoongi and ate breakfast together. Then he cleared the table up while you got in the shower.

You reached for your shampoo and realise it’s empty, so you it away and reach for the coconut one that you’ve been dying to try. As soon as you open the cap and the breathe in the smell, a wave of nausea washes over you. Your body lurches forward and you begin to throw up in the shower. The next thing you know, Yoongi is putting your hair in a pony tail and rubbing your back.

At first you both think it was something to do with the breakfast but after a few days of throwing up in the morning, Yoongi goes out and picks you up a few different pregnancy tests. You use them all, and they all tell you you’re pregnant.

“Fuck... well at least we’ll be cool parents.” Yoongi said will a huge grin on his face.

Hoseok

Your best friends had come to your house late at night telling you she thinks she might be pregnant but she didn’t want to do the test alone. You suggested you take a test with her so she didn’t feel uncomfortable, you happily did it because you were 100% sure you weren’t pregnant. It turns out, she wasn’t, but you were.

At first you began to feel sad that Hoseok’s career was reaching its peak time and you were about to bring it crashing down by telling him you’re pregnant. But then you remember the conversation you guys had earlier that month where he had said “Imagine if we had a baby. It would be so amazing being a parent.”

With that, you went and showed him and your best friend the pregnancy test and to no surprise, Hobi was jumping with joy.

Jimin

You and Jimin had recently bought a kitten and for some reason he wouldn’t leave you alone. He would go to Jimin but he would cling to you, to the point where he could climb in bed and wedge himself between you and Jimin.

After a few days, you googled it and a lot of people were saying that their cat did the same thing when they were pregnant.

You were pretty shocked at the answers because you hadn’t had any pregnancy symptoms. You and Jimin went to go and buy you a test. You came home and low and behold, you were in fact pregnant.

His reaction was - “Wait, how did the cat know?”

Taehyung

You and Tae had been trying to get pregnant for a while now. You had taken so many pregnancy tests that had come back negative that you had started to believe that something was wrong with you.

After a stressful day at work, you came home and began to stress clean, starting with the bathroom. You came across a couple of pregnancy tests that you must have misplaced and decided to try one for the hell of it.

After peeing on the stick, you left it on the side and carried on cleaning, forgetting all about it. A while later, you hear a gasp behind you. You turn to see Taehyung with the pregnancy test in his hand. You pull his arm towards you and look down at the test.

Positive.

Your eyes began to fill with tears and your cheeks hurt from grinning so hard.

“We are going to be parents!” yells Tae as he envelopes you in a hug.

Jungkook

Jungkook had received multiple messages off you telling him to come home ASAP. He ended up telling the boys that there was an emergency and practically sped home. When he arrived he found you in the bathroom frantically searching through all of the cupboards.

“Ah ha!” You yelled, pulling a blue stick from the back of a cupboard. You literally peed on it right in front of him and then sat it on the side of the bath. Jungkook was literally stood there just looking at you, eyes bulging out of his head at the fact you just pissed on a stick.

“Wha- Why did you just do that?” He stutters, pointing to the pregnancy test that was balancing on the side of the bath.

“It’s a pregnancy test. I’m three days late.” You stated. “Late for wha-“ “My period.” “Oh.”

You then began to explain to him the reason you called him home was that you both hadn’t realised that your period was late. Which was unusual because you both kept track, but your busy schedules had your mind all over the place. You had wanted to take a test but you wanted him to be there for the result.

After 3 minutes, you alarm went off. You grabbed hold of the test, and began to cry. You were happy, so you didn’t know why you were crying. “Hey hey hey. It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Together. Yeah?” JK cooed, pulling you in to a hug. Yes he was young but he was still over the moon to be having a little baby.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Taglist:

@heyitsgracex

@lachimolala-pjm

@clementaee

[fanders-sanctuary-au]

Dream's Orders

So this is my tiny for this Fanderside Au! I’m pleased to meet him, and if you wish to play with him, please feel free to ask me about doing a rp or co-story!

I hope you enjoy!!

Warnings- Mentions of abuse towards tiny’s, mentions of suffocation, mentions of starvation, mentions of plans to murder someone. Indication of past psychical and emotional abuse.

I believe that is everything, please tell me if I missed anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You understand what you’re to do?” The man speaks gruffly. He’s dressed in fine clothing, and looking down at a tiny standing before him. The tiny has silver grey hair that reaches his shoulders and pale blue eyes. He’s dressed in ill fitting doll clothing, standing a mere 4 inches high, bruises and scars of all kinds, both old and new, cover his body. He makes no indication that they hurt, he couldn’t afford to show that weakness.

“Yes sir” the tiny says, his voice is faint, hardly a whisper in the air but the man hears it all the same. The man nods and motions for the tiny to get in a box that’s sitting on it’s side near him. He does, limping as he climbs into the box. It’s sealed and dumped in the outgoing mail. Hopefully he’d arrive before he got too bad with lack of food and water, but if he failed there were more that could be sent in his place, they were raised for these kinds of jobs after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The package arrived in the regular mail, one side had been slightly crushed and the plain box was addressed to “Sanders Sanctuary” Thomas hummed as he gathered the box with the other mail, and headed inside.

“Bill, bill, invite to an interview..” He paused looking at who was invite him and wrinkled his nose. Nope, those people had a very bad reputation for spinning anything someone said into some sort of slander. That got ripped in half and tossed in the trash.

“Lets see.. magazine, and this?” He mused looking at the plain box. No return address, and just addressed to the sanctuary? Puzzled Thomas got out a letter opener and sliced open the tape holding the box shut. He opened it and very nearly dropped the box in shock when he saw what was inside.

“Larry!!” He yelped as he bolted for the medical wing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“…though the mail…” the words floated though his head. It was too much effort to actually open his eyes, and the voice wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t his sir speaking, or any of the trainers he knew. He felt weaker the normal and his head was spinning.

“cruel… could have died!” He really wished the voices would be quiet, but they didn’t seem to want to stop. Finally he managed to pry one eye open. The room that greeted him, made both his eyes snap open. He was NOT where he was supposed to be! This was not Sir’s cage! He then remembered what happened, he’d been given orders, and put in a box. Then mailed.. .it had taken.. what a week and a half? Two weeks? He wasn’t sure.. but the heat of the summer in the enclosed box had been almost unbearable, it had been suffocating. Of course it wouldn’t be the first time he’d been suffocated, no being smothered by a pillow and trapped in a plastic bag held tightly around his body was probably worse then the stale, sweltering air inside of the box. He had no idea when he’d finally blacked out from lack of water, food and the heat.

“Woah.. it’s alright..  ” a gentle voice spoke to him. Slowly the pale blue eyes turned and looked at the blurry figure.

“I’m glad you woke up, but don’t try to push yourself. You were pretty dehydrated, and you’re pretty malnourished.” The blurry person said. He nodded, nothing new on those fronts. Being underfed kept him quiet and not with enough energy to try and escape Sir, or fight back.. or well anything. The rest, well he had spent quite a long time taped inside a box in the mail with no food or water.

He was still trying to sort out what was going on though, he hadn’t expected to wake up.. in a hospital? And weirdly enough everything seemed to be his size. Had he been sent to the wrong address? Chapped lips parted as he shifted slightly

“.. where?” his voice was a rasp, worse then when he spoke to Sir, but the person, still blurry darn it, attending him spoke.

“Sanders Sanctuary, you were.. well…” they trailed off as if unsure if they should say how he arrived.

“Mailed.. to us.. ” he said. Again there was a nod, he knew this, he’d gotten his orders and climbed into the box obediently, thank goodness he was in the right place. Still he was very confused, Sir had never mentioned they had a hospital here.

“I’m sure your throat is dry as sand, lets get you something to drink!” Suddenly the blurry figure left his sight and came back, a cool hand lifted his head slightly and something was pressed to his lips. Then the fist brush of liquid graced his chapped lips and he drank willingly. The one supporting him told him to drink slowly and he did so. The liquid felt like heaven and the pounding headache was already starting to lessen a bit. But he was feeling exhausted, not unusual, he was always tired.. sore, hurt, nothing new. But it was odd to have someone gently lay him down and smooth soft covers over him. He noted absently he was no longer in the painful doll clothes, but something softer that fit far better then anything he’d ever had on in his life.

“You get some rest, we’ll talk more later alright?” the blurry person said. He nodded once more and his eyes shut, how strange to be allowed to rest so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the routine for at least four days. Finally though he was sitting up on his own, and able to talk normally. He found out he had on a pair of soft pants, and a t-shirt that opened in the center. He’d had a heart monitor on him, along with an IV, both things were tiny sized, and he was more puzzled then ever. He watched the others his size come and go, and sometimes saw humans come in, and move a part of the roof to gently set tiny people in, or to put supplies into the room. They never stayed long, he honestly was more confused then ever.

“Alright, I have been told you’re clear to leave the hospital!” a nurse tiny said. He nodded his head and would get up off of the bed.

“Now you go see Patton, He will guide you to your new room and help you get settled alright?” He nodded his head in agreement, and though he was still limping, he headed out of the hospital. It didn’t take long for him to locate Paton, or more accurately for Patton to locate him.

“Kiddo! They were able to let you out today!” he said cheerfully  having been heading to to the hospital to check and see if he’d been cleared. He nodded his head again.

“Yes, You must be Patton?” he asked. His voice was still whisper quiet, but Patton nodded beaming at him.

“Yep! nobody has told me yet, so what’s your name kiddo?” He asked curiously.

“Dream” He said simply in response.

“Dream huh? Well that’s a great name! Why don’t we get you settled in alright? Virgil will want to get some measurements on you, right now we just guessed at the clothing size you needed, and he’ll want to know what kind of style you like.. ” Patton rambled on as he led Dream down the walks and halls that were all borrower sized.

None of this made sense to Dream. This Sanctuary was supposedly tied to the Shadow man, and Sir wanted the owner and the Shadow Man dead. Dream had been told to expect torture or experimentation, but to get the job done. And it wasn’t like that would be any different then just going though his daily training. Torture, pain, suffering, conditioning, all of it done to him all the time so he was the perfect little assassin. He could hold up to torture and not crack, he could pretend he had no pain, and he didn’t really care about killing a human or tiny alike. His hands were not clean in the least in that sense. He’d gotten numb to the guilt that it caused him.

Outside of Sir, nobody believed a tiny could do something as complicated as being an assassin.  Still though, this place… was nothing like he had expected. They had been weirdly kind to him, and weirdly accepting of his refusal to speak about, well much of anything, and just… weird.. in general.

“Oh that’s Thomas!! Thomas!!” Patton called out, bringing Dream back from his thoughts.

“Here’s the one who.. this is Dream! He’s finally been released from the hospital! I’m taking him to his room now!” Patton said. Dream looked at the human. He didn’t seem… he simply looked overworked, tired, and perhaps a bit stressed, but the warm smile he sent Dream’s way confused him more.

“I’m so glad you’re recovering so fast Dream. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask alright?” he said. Dream nodded very slowly at the human. And again his expectations were being twisted, this man didn’t seem cruel, or like a mob boss, or any underground owner he’d ever met. Dream’s head was starting to spin from the confusion.

“Good, why not go get some rest. We’ll have dinner in a few hours if you’re up to meeting everyone.” Thomas added and headed down the hall. Dream’s pale blue eyes watched him. This was one of the people he was supposed to kill? That was supposedly someone in league with the Shadow Man? He didn’t look like he could hurt a mosquito. Dream looked back to Patton and frowned. Everything seemed.. complicated. But he wasn’t allowed to survive if he failed. He had been given orders from Sir. Kill them both, or die trying. Dream sighed a little bit, feeling some odd weight settling heavy in his chest.

“Everything alright kiddo?” Patton asked. Dream simply nodded a little, though Patton was sure that there was something turning behind those pale eyes.

“Alright, so here is your room, why don’t you get settled in for a bit, and I’ll see you later alright?” he offered. Dream nodded and then stepped in the room. He could use some down time, and some peace and quiet to shove these weird conflicting emotions to the side. He had a job to do, and he wouldn’t fail Sir.

Thomas Sanders, and the Shadow Man were to die. That was all there was too it. So why did he have an odd tight feeling in his chest at the thought?

Dream sat down on the edge of the bed in the room and looked at the floor.

“.. i .. have to .. right?” he muttered out loud to the empty room.

T: AAAAAAAh, So you have me HOOKED on this idea! What a cool idea, a borrower sent to infiltrate the sanctuary! And oof, I just wanna give poor Dream a hug. But I am so here for him getting his walls slowly chipped away and him finally realizing that everyone here is really good, and him wrestling between that and what he’s been ordered to do...super cool, thank you for writing this!

[intothestarkerverse]

Highway to Hell

The Best Laid Plans of Spider-Men

Summary:

To respect Endgame, I can tell you nothing but that this will take place post-Endgame and deal with my own cathartic way of working through it. For a more detailed and spoilery description, click to read the first chapter.

Read on AO3

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Spoilery Summary ~~~  Consumed by guilt over Tony's death, Peter devises a very ill conceived plan to bring Tony back to life...but he isn't prepared for his plan to work, or for the repercussions that follow.

My fault.

My fault.

My fault.

The words echo. I can’t escape them. When I close my eyes. When I try to sleep. Everywhere I look. Everything I see. Everything I hear. Every color. Every taste. Every smell. Everything reminds me.

My fault.

My fault.

My fault.

He did it for me. That’s what they said afterwords. Did they think it would make me feel better? Probably. They don’t understand, but I don’t expect them to. So many things I never said out loud to anybody. Things I felt. Things I wanted to do. Wanted to say. I should have. Secrets don’t do me any good now. Even rejection is better than never knowing.

You always think you have more time.

I should have stayed on the bus.

But I would have still been snapped. I would have still died. And Tony would have still come home to find me gone and done the same thing he did before. The same stupid, brave, beautiful, terrible, wonderful, awful thing he did.

My heart hurts.

Everything hurts.

Until one day, it stopped hurting because I realized it wasn’t over. Didn’t have to be, anyway.

I woke up from an uneasy sleep filled with the same guilty thoughts…but with a plan. Admittedly, it’s a stupid plan. If Tony was here he would probably do everything he could possibly think of to keep me from doing it. But…he isn’t there. There is no one to stop me, and I’m not gonna stop myself. So…guess it’s now or never, right?

There’s this really old Greek myth about a poet whose wife dies. He goes to hell to get her back, basically. It doesn’t end that well for him…but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad plan. I’m not a poet. I’m a scientist. STEM and the arts. Very different. We tackle problems differently. I’m not going to fall for the things that Orpheus fell for…and I’m going to get Tony back.

As soon as I figure out how you make a deal with the devil…

~ ~ ~

“There’s no such thing as the devil, Peter.”

He’s frustrated with me. I can tell by the tone of his voice and the way Cloaky is fluttering. Doctor Strange is pacing in front of my chair in the Sanctum. The Sanctum was my first stop after breakfast. I’m skipping school. I shouldn’t be, but some things are more important than education.

The doctor didn’t like my plan. I mean, I didn’t really expect him to? I told you, I know it’s a terrible plan. But still, I thought he might understand why I’m doing this and help me anyway. Take pity on the kid who loses everything and everyone he loves. Really, I kind of want to hang onto May’s legs like a toddler because I’m so afraid she’ll go next. Then I really WOULD be alone.

He stops pacing and turns on me.

Boy does he look worried. He scrubs a hand over his goatee. He presses his fingers to his closed eye lids. He sighs and and mutters a curse he doesn’t think I heard. But I did. He’s going to tell me to see a therapist. They always do. As if soft science is the answer to my problems. No offense to Sam, even though he’s kind of a jerk and the only cool thing about him are those wings, but I don’t really think therapy is going to help me at all. Only thing that can help me has cloven feet and horns. Well, assuming the devil looks like Tim Curry in that really old movie Legend. I sure hope not, cause that thing gave me nightmares when I saw it.

Last year.

“Peter…” He squats down in front of the chair, hands braced on the arm rests at my left and right. Pinning me down. Making me listen to him. Maybe halfway resembling a hug?

C’mon, Doc, we’re not there yet.

I can feel something soft brush my fingers in my lap and I look down to see the scarlet cloth of Cloaky petting me reassuringly. Yeah, that’s not a good sign either. “I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you.” No shit Sherlock. Everybody’s lost somebody by the time they get to your age. But did your someone die saving the universe, and did he get himself into that position by trying to save you?

“I lost my sister when I was your age.”

That’s a no. I try really hard not to roll my eyes because that would be insensitive. I mean his sister did die, and that sucks, but hasn’t the doc ever heard of not comparing tragedies. Mine’s bigger anyway, dude.

“She was the person I cared about most in the world, and losing her was terrible. If someone had told me I could make a deal with the devil to get her back, I probably would have…but you can’t do that, Peter. No one can. Those are cautionary tales about making deals with people without understanding the terms. They’re not real. Heaven and hell are not real.”

“H..How do you know?” I hate how whiny my voice sounds. Strained like I’m holding back tears, and I’m totally not…because I can feel the wetness on my cheeks and I 100% know I’m already crying. So there. “Wizards aren’t supposed to be real either, but you’re real and you’re here. You have lots of magic books, right? So…so go look at them and find out what I have to do to get Tony back.”

“You can’t get him back, Peter.”

I stand up abruptly, knocking Doctor Strange backwards and away from me. Only Cloaky keeps him from falling to the floor. As it is, he’s kind of hovering in a weird seated position for a moment before Cloaky helps him to stand again. “You’re going to feel really dumb when I do, Doctor Strange. Really,really dumb.”

“Peter…”

I don’t care what he has to say. I really don’t. I don’t even care if he calls May. I know he doesn’t have her number, but he has Tony’s old number and Pepper definitely does…but I don’t care. I don’t care what any of them say or how stupid this idea may sound to any of them. I’m going to do it.

Trouble is…I don’t know who else to turn to.

Doctor Strange is the only wizard I know. Thor’s not really around. Not that I think he knows the devil either. Since he’s not REALLY a god. There are a few occult stores in Queens. I could go there, look at some books, buy some magic thinga-ma-jigs like they use in the movies, but…I don’t know. If things like that really work, you’d think there’d be a lot more deals with the devil going down, huh?

I end up walking. Hands in my pockets, head down, lost in thought. I need a plan B, but plan A wasn’t even really much of a plan so it’s not looking good.

I don’t know how long I’ve been walking. It’s pretty dark. There aren’t any people around. I think I walked most of the day? I don’t even recognize this part of the city, so that’s probably a bad sign. I’ve gotten really good at navigating the city since I started as Spider-Man, but I guess the city looks different from up there.

There’s a sound behind me, the rhythmic thud of footsteps.

Great.

Someone’s going to try to mug me.

I have web shooters on under my shirt. I can probably even activate that Ironspider suit before the guy gets any closer…but I doubt I even need a suit to stop a mugger.

And then it hits me.

I’ve never felt anything like it.

Spidey Sense always feels uncomfortable. Like static shock after you slid your socks on carpet or like the beginnings of a stress headache or like the burn of a sneeze before you sneeze all wrapped up into one. This time, it’s like all of those things have been multiplied by a hundred. I feel like my head is literally about to explode and everything in me is telling to run as fast and as far as I can away from those footsteps.

But I don’t.

I don’t because I’ve turned around to look in their direction and I’ve seen what’s coming.

Human sized. Not big. But still really fucking scary. Tim Curry in Legend. Bright red. Curved horns. Cloven hooves. His black eyes are staring straight at me and I’m frozen.

My last thought before he closes the last few yards that separate us is that Doctor Strange probably shouldn’t have quit his day job.

[vamprnce]

Mercy

In which the Boss gets sick and his hotheaded boyfriend has to play nurse

I’ve been extra rusty with writing but this fic idea has been in my head for awhile now haha also this is post game (some time after 4 or something)

ao3

It's a chilly day after a rainy night in Steelport. The penthouse apartment is mostly silent, only taps of paws and barks of dogs in the other room and the television playing in the background. Sitting in the kitchen, Chris is at the table, unfocused eyes staring down into the coffee cup. He doesn't really remember how long he's been sitting there, he's mostly half asleep at the table. The whole morning was already going south, waking up with a massive headache, fatigued and sluggish plus a really bad cough.

Cough syrup really hasn't help much -- neither has the coffee -- it's just making him more drowsy than before. Putting his head down on the table his body decided to shut off right there. He was a few minutes asleep until he felt wet licking on his leg. Opening one of his eyes to this sudden feeling he then heard a sharp bark from below. Sitting back up he saw the small bull terrier sitting obediently wagging her tail up at him.

Smiling he leant down picking up the dog and held her close in his arms. "Whatchu want, cutie?" he says in a raspy voice. The dog Queenie just barked and wagged her tail more in his arms as he cuddled her and kissed her snout. Petting her head a coughing fit came on, making the dog perk up in surprise. Chris coughed into his sleeve of his zip-up hoodie away from the dog.

Coughing settled down, he felt really exhausted and was about to crash any minute. Standing up out of the chair he held Queenie in one arm and grabbed the unattended coffee from before in his other hand. Walking into the living room towards the couches he set the dog down on the couch with the rest of the dogs. Petting her head again he finished the rest of the coffee and set the cup down on the table. "You guys be good okay? Don't make a mess because I ain't in the mood." Chris says to the dogs in the room.

Ready to go back to sleep he walked upstairs to his and now Johnny's room and collapsed on the bed. Johnny wasn't around and he kinda forgot what he said he was doing, his foggy mind couldn't remember anything. He would call him but that's too much effort on his part. He eventually drifted off the sleep curled up in all the blankets, he'll call Johnny when he wakes up.

~~~

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, looking around at the apartment he didn't see anyone. It was virtually silent. Raising one eyebrow in confusion Johnny walked in the place looking around for Chris as he usually is up at this time. Walking towards the couches he see's most of the dogs running around playing or napping. Johnny's familiar with Chris' habits and about this time he'll be on the couch watching TV for awhile. The only thing that's on the couch is a small white and black dog sound asleep. He smiled looking at her until the coffee cup caught his eye. Looking at it he notices it's Chris' right away, it was empty but he still didn't see him around anywhere.

"Yo, Chris?" Johnny called out loudly to get his response from wherever he may be. Not getting one back he frowned. He decided to check upstairs next. Walking up the stairs to their bedroom he got to the room saw a purple lump in the bed. "Chris?" Johnny calls again but not as loud as before. He walks to the bed and sits next to the sleeping body under the covers. Looking at him right away he could tell he didn't look good, hair a mess, eyes looked tired and slicked with sweat.

"Hey Chris, you dead? You didn't answer when I called you earlier." Johnny says, patting his face lightly to wake him up. Chris groaned with the sudden touch, he didn't answer him right away other than a cough. All he wanted was to sleep. Johnny smirked looking down at him. "Yo, you sick or somethin'?" He said in an amused tone, he never seen the Boss sick before, it was a rare sight to see. "I'm just tired, leave me alone." Chris mumbled, his voice sounded more strained and hoarse trying to talk.

Johnny laid down next to him propping his head up. "You look pretty sick to me, you're coughing and sweating all over." Johnny says touching Chris' cheek which was flushed and hot. Annoyed being woken up he slowly sat up. "Look I'm not sick, I'm perfectly fine." Chris smiled weakly at Johnny trying to fake it until he started to have a coughing fit again.

Slouched over he coughed into his blanket he's wrapped into. Caught by surprise Johnny sat back up too next to him, rubbing his back trying to soothe him. "Chris you're sick, okay? Stop tryin' to fake it." Johnny says.

Chris leaned his body into his chest feeling very tired again. He laid his head on his shoulder as Johnny held him in his arms. "Mm, I don't feel good." Chris mumbled again, finally admitting it. "Yeah I know." Johnny said quietly. He rubbed his arm still holding him, Chris was more sitting in his lap now still leaning on him. "Can you take care of me, babe? You can be my nurse if you want." Chris smiled a little and laughed, it sounded a bit harsh with a sore throat.

Johnny clicked his tongue. "Shut up." He says playfully and laughs. It seems even being badly sick doesn't kill his humor. "How'd you even get sick anyways?" Johnny asks as he slowly laid both of them back down on the bed. "Here lay down." he whispers. Chris snuggled against him feeling cold and tried to capture his body heat. Laying his head on his chest he coughed softly. "I was out on one of the roof tops and I got caught in the rain last night. I guess I stayed out too long, I didn't feel shitty until I woke up this morning though." Chris groaned.

"You really got sick because of the rain? Damn, I didn't think the Boss of the Saints would get taken down by some water." Johnny joked and chuckled. "You're a damn asshole, y'know that?" Chris smirked a little and hit his chest weakly. "I don't think I ever seen you get sick before. Unless you're immune with your badassness, huh?" He looked up at Johnny still smiling. "Yes, actually, that is the case." Johnny smugly said. "Oh, ain't we lucky." Chris replied sarcastically.

Laying his head down back and wrapping his arm around his chest, Chris started to fall back asleep. He was still shaking and sweating, Johnny noticed this and rubbed his arm that laid on his chest. "You cold? Because you're sweating a lot." Johnny asked while feeling his forehead. "Christ you're burning, you probably got a fever." Johnny careful lifted him off himself and got up off the bed to go grab something. Startled from the movement, he woke up again. "Babe, where are you going?" Chris whined, not wanting him to leave just yet. "Just stay there I'll be right back." With that Johnny left the bedroom to the bathroom.

Chris wrapped himself more in his blanket to regain the warmth Johnny previously provided and laid there waiting for him come back. Johnny walked back in the room with items in hand. He walked up to the bedside Chris was laying on and tossed a cold wet cloth on his face. Flinching in surprise he fixed and rested it on his forehead, Johnny chuckled. "Thanks, babe." Chris smiles brightly up at him. Johnny sat back down beside him. "No problem, here take this." Johnny says handing him a small plastic thermometer. "I don't need your ass getting badly ill on me."

Chris laughs, he always found it sweet when he worried about him. It made his heart swell. "Okay, but come lay with me again. You're my human body pillow and I need you." Chris says before putting the thermometer in his mouth. Johnny laid down putting his arm around him as Chris lays his head on his chest again. "Wanna watch a movie or something?" Johnny asks. Before he can answer the thermometer beeped. Taking it out he looked at the tiny screen. "103.5°F, ah of course. Not a surprise I have a fever, fucking rain." Chris said annoyed, handing the thermometer back to Johnny as he places it down on the end table. "And yeah let's watch movie, I think there's some action one's on if you don't mind."

"Yeah that's cool. I'll order some food too, you hungry?" Johnny asks. "Fuck yes, I'm starving. Can you order pizza and wings?" Chris asks grabbing the remote and flipped through channels to find a good movie playing. "I'm on it." Is all Johnny says before calling up a local pizza place. Finally finding an interesting enough movie Chris sits up to take off his hoodie after starting to feel overheated with it on. "It's so fucking hot in here." Chris complains. Even wearing a tank top and shorts he was still dripping with sweat.

Ending the call he look back over at Chris who was slouching again. "You feeling alright?" Johnny asks while put his arm around his waist. "It's just really hot, I can't stand it." Chris said annoyed and frowned rubbing his hands on his face. Johnny kissed his forehead and felt it was still burning. He genuinely felt bad seeing him ill like this. He rubbed his back as he gave him a hug. Chris pulled back and his face was still very flushed and sweaty. Johnny smiled at him and wiped his face with the previous wet cloth. "I know the food is still coming but you really should get some rest, don't want you pushing yourself to hard and collasp."

"Yeah, I know, I'll get some sleep in a bit. Thanks for taking care of me today." Chris kissed him on the lips softly and smiled. Johnny kissed him back and held him close. He felt the other man giggle during the kiss and felt confused. "What?" Johnny asked pulling back. "If I keep kissing you like this I bet I'm gonna get you sick." Chris replied with a laugh. "I'm not worried." Johnny said kissing him again. "Hm, maybe you can get sick and we can just suffer together." Chris laughed again with a grin. "Lemme get you sick Johnny, it's only fair!"

Johnny held on his waist tightly and pulled him down with him on the bed. "Your ass needs to go the fuck to sleep." Johnny laughed holding him. Chris was laughing so hard he started coughing again. "God, your trying to fuckin' kill me babe." He chokes out. Johnny kissed him as he pushed himself up. "I'm going to go grab the pizza, I'll be right back." Johnny said as he left him again and walked out the room. Settling himself and getting comfortable in bed he waited for Johnny to come back. It only took a few minutes but he already felt himself drifting off to sleep.

Coming back in the room hands full of boxes of food he saw the man already sleeping. Gently putting down the food on the bed and smiled at him. Before climbing back in bed he decided to grab some water and medicine for him to take. Going into the bathroom again he grabbed what he needed and jumped back in bed. "Yo, take these." Johnny whispered as he was still resting and handed him the water and medicine. Shifting a bit he opened his heavy eyelids and slowly took the items from him.

He washed down the meds with water and it felt like he was roasting under the desert sun he was so thirsty. He didn't really realised how dehydrated he felt, he basically chugged the whole thing in a minute. "You still hungry I got the pizza. If not I'll save you a piece for later." Johnny said. Chris smiled, it felt so good how much he was by his side and taking care of his pathetic sick ass.

"Thanks, but I'm not that hungry right now. I'm just really exhausted." Chris sighed as he rest his head on his shoulder. Johnny smirked and put his arm around him and held him close. He dragged the pizza box over to his side and started eating a piece. In seconds he watched the other man finally pass out on him and snored peacefully.

He subconsciously rubbed his arm as he slept and rested his head on his while he ate and watched whatever the movie he decided earlier. They laid together like that the rest of the day, content, peaceful and warm in each other's arms.

[ellisstark]

I want you

~genre~ warning, fluff, family, wedding/engagement

~summary~ you and your best friend, chan have been friends since birth. like you guys literally do everything together, but everything changes when you guys enter your second year of highschool. Chan becomes a baddie and you are welcomed into the “smart” group. until one night half way through your junior year, your whole world changed.

~reader x chan~

~word count~ 1983

~gif creds~ @abcdskz

~warning~ alcohol and drug influence

you never once doubted your relationship with Chan. not once. your parents have known each other since college, so obviously you and chan were meant to become friends. it was destiny. that is until one night everything in your world collapsed.

~Beginning of the school year~

“what do you think chan?”

“what do you mean y/n?”

“ i mean what do you think about us being juniors. it feels like yesterday we were just entering elementary school together” you said as the memory began to fill your head

“yeah i guess. i dont know y/n you and i are two very different people. entering junior year is just like every other year. like always im waiting for this day to end.”

“okay mr. grumpy pants. the day hasn’t even started so how can you say that. just because you feel that way doesn’t mean you have to express it”

“whatever, you better get to class the bell’s about to ring” he said annoyed

“shit you’re right. wait... don’t you have a class first period too?”

“nah, i have study hall. see ya” chan said turning on his heel walking toward the library.

you sprinted to your first class which took you forever to find, but luckily the bell rang seconds after you entered the classroom, and your teacher wasn’t here yet either. today was looking good so far.

you already had a project in your science class with the one person you didn’t want to be partnered with, Seo Changbin, the scariest fucking kid in school. surprisingly, you, chan and changbin used to be friends, that is until changbin decided he was better than you two because he found a new group and left you guys in the dust to fend for yourselves.

so you decided to see if changbin wanted to come hang out wiht you and chan to work on the project after school. he agreed. you drove both of them to the closest coffee shop and got to work. little did you know, after that encounter  that chan and changbin had, the two of them started to become closer.

as chan and changbin became best buddies, it felt like chan was leaving you behind, so you decided to stop by his house over winter break. 

you walked up to the front door and knocked. luckily you new his parents were out of town so he was the only one who would be capable of opening the door.

after a few minutes you became a little worried, so you grabbed your phone from your pocket and called him.

“y/n?” he said with his raspy morning voice, signaling to you you had just woken him up

“hey sleepy head, can you come downstairs and open the door?”

“huh, what? wait are you---”

“thanks bye!” you said quickly hanging up the phone. you continued to wait outside for another 5-10 minutes until he finally opened the door.

“it’s about damn time, it’s hella cold” you said stomping inside

“good to see you too. what do you want y/n?”

“well instead of beating around the bush like i always do in these situations, im going to get straight to the point, why are you getting closer with changbin? you reject me everytime i want to hang you. i thought you didn’t like changbin after what happened in elementary school”

“uhhh... i don’t like him, but it’s hard to explain. now is just not a good time, okay y/n? can you please leave now?”

“when will it be a “good time” chan? huh? should i come over again tomorrow? next week? next month? you tell me”

“how about never”

then it hit you, you knew something was up you just have to throw him off guard enough to get past him and up to his room. so many things were running through your head that you just needed to get upstairs asap.

“never!?!? what the hell chan, why won’t you tell me? i dont care what you do just as long as you aren’t pushing yourself too hard” that wasn’t true, you care about this kind of stuff, but only when it’s chan who’s doing it.

“what are you keeping from me christopher!” you yell as you run up the stairs to his room.

“wait, y/n don’t go--” his sentence was cut off by the sound of your hand coming in contact with his face. you were able to quickly open the door when you reached the top only to find empty beer bottles and joints laying around his room.

you immediately ran out of the room, past chan, and out the front door again.

you couldn’t stop yourself from crying as you ran home. you didn’t know what was going to happen, but you had to stop it somehow. in this current moment you were too overwhelmed to even think about how you were going to stop him. little did you know that chan was also worried, but he was mostly worried about you. he realized what he had done, but wasn’t sure if he should try and see you again or give you sometime to process, he chose the later.

it had been 3 days since you stormed out of chan’s house. winter break was almost over, and you had no idea how you were going to be able to look him in the eye.

you pick up your phone only to see that you have 5 missed calls from chan himself, so you click call back and wait for him to pick up.

“y/n!!! you finally picked up” he said sounding a bit drunk

“hey buddy are you okay?”

“can you come pick me up from my friends house? changbin left already and i dont really know anyone else here.”

“yeah sure send me the address and ill be there soon”

“thank you so much y/n! see ya”

you were already almost out the door when he hung up. something inside you knew that he was going to say he needed a ride. you were too busy thinking about the fact that he’s drunk to worry about anything else.

when you got to the house you saw chan sitting outside and sprinted from the car to him. he was already asleep against the wall of the house.

“hey koala, time to get up. let me take you home okay?”

before you knew what was going on chan’s arms had slid around your waist pulling you closer to him.

“y/n, please don’t leave me” he said as tears started to form in his eyes.

you reciprocated his hug 

“i promise i will never leave you”

you got him up and on his feet with his arm on your shoulders helping him walk to the passenger side of the car sliding him into the seat and buckling him in. you quickly walked to the other side and drove back to his house.

you made sure he was safely upstairs before you left to go back home yourself.

“wait y/n” he said grabbing your hand

“will you help me change out of these clothes?”

“sure buddy”

you were able to then help him slip into a pair of sweats he had and a t-shirt. he then slid into bed and you covered him with his sheets. just as you were about to leave a hand shot out from behind you grabbing your wrist.

“y/n, will you stay with me for a bit?”

you nodded and walked back over to the bed and kneeled next to it

“no, i mean will you lay with me for a bit, like we used to” he said. you could see the slight blush creep up his neck to his ears.

“okay” you slid next to him and he moved over to make room for you covering you with the sheets.

next thing you knew you had fallen asleep for about an hour, waking up to the feeling of chans lips on top of yours. your eyes widened as he moved away.

“y/n, sleep with me”

you didn’t know how to respond, you knew he was drunk, but not this drunk. 

“ we are in highschool chan, we can’t do this.”

“y/n, look at me” he said putting a hand against the side of your face to push it towards his.

“i love you y/n, i always have and always will. i have never once thought of you as my friend. i’ve only wanted you to be mine completely.”

in that moment your heart jumped, and before you knew it the night was gone. you woke up to a sleeping chan. realizing that you were still at his house you panicked and texted your parents telling them you stayed at chan’s to keep an eye on him since he was feeling “a little under the weather”. you got up and decided to go make breakfast.

you looked over at the stairs and watched a sleepy chan waddle down the stairs causing you smile. 

“morning sleepy head. how do you feel?” you asked handing him a plate of eggs and bacon

“i feel great, just a bit of a headache is all.” he said taking a seat at the island bar.

after breakfast you decided it was time for you to go, but you told chan that you would be back to check on him later, and you did just that.

now that break was over, you knew you wouldn’t have to completely worry about chan since he would be too busy with homework. you drove him to school everyday and everything felt like it was back to normal, but after a month or so you realized something was wrong, but you weren’t sure of what, that is until you got home.

“shit...” you muttered to yourself and ran back out the door to the nearest convenience store. you ran to the hygiene section and grabbed what you needed, paid for it and went back home. you darted through the front door and ran to the bathroom. 

positive

“i’m pregnant?” you said as the memories of what happened over break flashed threw your head. you quickly picked up the phone, unable to press chan’s contact because your hands were shaking so much.

“y/n? are you okay?” he asked on the other side of the line

“meet me at the park by your house in 10 minutes” you said as clearly as possible, so he wouldn’t be as worried as he was right now. you hung up and went back out to your car and sped to the park.

you could see chan running from the other direction obviously worried about you.

“y/n are you okay? what’s wrorng? did something happen?” he said grabbing your shoulders.

“do you remember what happened over winter break?”

“uhh a little bit, but honestly it’s a little hazy, why what happened?”

“chan... i’m pregnant”

his heart dropped

“are...are you sure? how do you know?” he asked obviously shaken, but trying to keep his cool.

you handed him the pregnancy test

“shit y/n, whose is it?”

“it’s yours chan. you’re the only person i’ve slept with ever.”

his eyes widened. he never thought that this would happen, let alone the fact that he never wanted it to happen.

“shit, well i guess this means that i can do what i’ve always wanted to do” he said getting down on one knee.

“y/n... will you marry me? i’m not sure this is the right time, but seeing as we are about to start a family, i think this is very appropriate.”

you heart jumped, and a smile crept on your face.

“yes”

chan jumped to his feet and pulled you into a bear hug

“oh shit i knew i was forgetting something”

“what?” you asked

“haha, well i... um... forgot the ring”