#hyperfixating on a person ain't the one

[burger-goblin]

.

[abittersweetthing]

every time i start a new hyperfixation i realize i’ve forgotten how fucking annoying it is like i do not want to care this much about anything it’s fucking exhausting

[nyssasorbit]

.

[sameschmidtdiffname]

And now, for some shit ain't nobody asked for... *drumroll please...*

Fanboy Futturman Headcanons That Hardly Make Sense Unless You're Deranged

(because it's fun)

Tags: just rawdog it bruh, idk what this is. I got fucken murmed.

Notes: Special thanks to @luverstream for going insane with me. This list is based off of our oddly specific thread. Love you pookers <3

                        °☆>》¤●¤《<☆°

• 100% started writing fanfiction for 'Biotic Wars' because there was only two works in the whole fandom and they were both illiterate/ooc

• It started as a challenge because he likes writing as a hobby so he made a random account on Tumblr and wrote a one-shot from Tigers POV just for shits and giggles

• He didn't expect literally anyone to read it, maybe a couple notes

• Then around his lunch break the next day his phone won't. Stop. Dinging.

• Long story short, he ends up with an account with like. 1.1k followers

• Once he realizes he has a serious reader base, he takes his blog seriously

• He spends a weird amount of time perfectly curating his blogs aesthetic with mods and whatever extentions he can find

• Personally commissions other fans for his fanfic borders, proper gifs, etc. He has one fanfic actually illustrated for Kinktober and it stays at the top of the 'Biotic War' tags for months

• Speaking of Kinktober, literally will not make plans for October/late September because he knows he's gonna aim to post everyday

• Will stay up for days writing when he gets hyperfixated

• Hates posting short fics. If the number doesn't end with a .k he doesn't post it until it does

• Also has a bunch of Easter eggs from his favorite movies and such in his works as well

• Knows an insane amount of copywrite laws because he's had to deal with people illegally selling his works/uploading them on other platforms

• When he eventually gets a partner he initially lies and says he wanted to become a lawyer when he was a kid, thus why he knows so much

• That works for about 12 minutes before he finally breaks down and tells them the truth, then offers to show them his work because he's told literally no one in his personal life about it

• His partner eventually becomes his editor and co-author on certain works (mainly smut)

• Half the time when he's actively working on smut he's gotta stop midway to "test the accuracy" w/ said partner

• Writes OUTRAGEOUS smut that makes him unable to look in the mirror while he's writing it

• Deadass hides under his blankets in total darkness with tape over his computers camera because of the shame

• Has a collection of proofreaders/consultants because his first smut included cervix penetration and he got dragged by basically everyone on Tumblr for it

• Had a work get popular enough one time one of his friends sent it to him because they figured he'd get a kick out of it

• Which made him panic and stop writing for like a month to lay low

• Has a completely different Spotify account for writing because his mom uses his "normal" account even though he has a family plan (side note: they make little playlists for each other :))

• Has like 50 different playlists dedicated to his fics that's available for his readers to listen to

• The artists all range from Deftones to dodie depending on the work

• His top artist is Ayesha Erotica with 2000+ minutes spent on 'Yummy'

• (Also has an impossible amount of hours logged on said Spotify account)

• Has a whole panic attack when he leaves his phone in the 60s because he had a whole new chapter ready to publish in his 20 part hurt/no comfort/slowburn fic that was over 10.k words in his notes app

• Wolf finds his Ao3 account one time and becomes... concerningly obsessed with Futturmans work without realizing Futturman is the author

• It gets to the point Wolf will legit go on 30+ minute rants about the stories while Futturman is just hyperventilating in the corner because he doesn't know how long he can keep up the facade

• It gets worse when Wolf makes an account and starts actually commenting on the works

• However he ends up getting impressive tips from the rants and ends up incorporating his suggestions into his works

• Wolf never stops bragging about this

• His most popular work/series follows a female oc that originally started as a one-shot request for a oc x Wolf fic (which Wolf hates because he says it's OoC. Futturman does not agree nor care.) But ended up getting popular enough there's well over 20 parts

• At some point he, Wolf and Tiger get into a massive argument because he finds a bound copy of all of his works amongst their supplies and no one will confess who's it is and keep blaming each other

• (It's Tigers)

• When he gets to his final timeline he manages to get his all of his drafts back through Susan (who had a lot of questions, and was given no answers) and just publishes his work as an original series since Biotic Wars no longer exists

• "Orginial series" gets insanely popular and now he has like five burner accounts so he can read fanfiction of his own fanfiction

• Writes fanfiction for his own series purposely to fuck with the fanbase

• Usually will make it ooc but well written, but once in awhile comes up with a "headcanon" that will come true in his next book so he can watch the readers implode

• And last but not least

• He casts his other self in the final timeline as the male lead in the eventual movie adaptation. Because of course he would

(Bonus: in the OG timeline when Futturman ends up disappearing, his biggest series ends up never being finished, nor his blog updated. Leading to a weirdly thorough four hour video docuseries made by Wendigoon about the rise and disappearance of the mysterious author and how the 'Biotic Wars' fandom eventually finished the fic themselves and created their own spinoffs, leading the work to get more popular than 'Biotic Wars' ever was and like five different people falsely claiming they wrote it, only to be disproven within an insanely short amount of time. Yeah, kinda a full on My Immortal.)

                           >¤》○《¤<

Don't ask me what this was, I think I got possessed. Anyways, bon achoo sweet.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

[cyber-corp]

2023: The year of all time

This felt like the first year post-COVID where things really kicked into high gear for me personally. My new year's resolution was that I would go out and have fun for once.

And had fun I did.

I did some voicework reading for a story podcast, I went to a bunch of amazing concerts (nothing beats seeing Weird Al for my birthday!), and I sorted out a bunch of RL stuff and put a neat little bow on it. Thank goodness.

But fuck all that sappy shit: Here's a small collection of things I really enjoyed this year!

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: An excellent sequel to a seemingly unfollow-uppable first film. Takes everything from ITSV, and amps it up to twenty with a stunning visual style, a sonically fitting soundtrack, and a meta-commentary on the nature of Spider-Man's character and whether they really deserve all the tragedy thrown at them.

Aunty Donna's Coffee Cafe: The guys who made Pud did another show, this time with funding from the Australian Government! While stripped back in its setting, they continue to provide the same stupid bullshit that put me into laughing fits as they did with their Netflix show. Haven't they done well.

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off: I think when people heard about "An animated Scott Pilgrim show with the live-action cast and Edgar Wright producing", they did not expect "A proper dissection of Ramona Flowers' character and her motivations, as well as her own journey of forgiving the Evil Exes. Also lots of yaoi." Scott Pilgrim continues to dominate as the premier "guy learns not to be a shithead" franchise.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Live in Accor Stadium: The Peppers prove their pertained power as performers by playing the purest psalms in their prospectus from the past 35 years (eugh, what a mouthful). Flea came out, did a 30-second handstand, waved and said hello to the moon and then got up some people littering in the crowd. Their life is more than just a read-through.

Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want to Turn Into You: I had absolutely no clue who Caroline was before I listened to this album. I now realise that she might just be the person that pop needs right now. A soaring collection of songs destined to become classics down the line, like a greatest hits compilation that doesn't exist. We're all on Caroline's island, and we ain't leaving.

Bomb Rush Cyberfunk: I kept my eye on this game as it was developing, and it was absolutely worth it to see it come through in the end. Satisfying gameplay that requires you to learn how to combo to progress, an addicting artstyle inspired by Y2K, and the soundtrack. Holy fuck the soundtrack. I just can't get enuf.

Weird Al Yankovic - TUROTRSIIIVT: Man, what a title. Emu Phillips come out swinging with jokes I did not expect, and then Weird Al comes out aggressively swinging, with all the songs you don't know him for. He then did a polka melody of his parodies, did a ritual halfway through, and then ended the concert on a high note. Only the best from Strange Alfred.

Doctor Who 2023 Specials: That bastard David Tennant returning led me down the rabbit hole known as watching Doctor Who, and did it ever pay off more than these specials. A trans woman saves the day and the Doctor realises he's bi, black, and needs therapy. A magnificent close on a chapter of one of the greatest sci-fis ever, and a bright step into the future.

The Hyperfixation of the Year award goes to none other than

Homestuck, everyone's favourite webcomic! Everyone's.

And I think that's partly because I joined this website to begin with. I probably say this all the time, but leaving Reddit was probably the best decision I could have made at that time. As much as I reminisce, the communities I was in began to get a little stale. Same jokes, same shitposts, a different day. Tumblr in some strange way, is not that. It feels less like a big communal website and more like a collection of small towns spread across a large spot of land. Calm and village-like, you know?

So to all my mutuals, my followers, to the people that liked and reboggled my stinky posts, to all that offered mealworms and crickets in my askbox, thank you. "Gecko Boy" might just be a silly lil joke in the grand scheme of things, but it's a fun joke to play into.

Whatever comes next year, I know I've got the energy to keep going. Have a good 2024 everybody. <3

[cybertroniannugget]

Pangea and mt Vesuvius

Not what I originally intended to post here, as I'm writing some spice at the moment but THIS is what my mind was occupied with all freaking day... The whole desaster takes place somewhere in the first movie or between 1 and two. Some details are changed up Which I did on purpose. I know all the movies from start to finish because the hyperfixations are hyperfixating real hard right now.

This is just a random story of how I get idk let's say teleported into the bayverse movies and how I'd probably handle that.

While I sprinkled in a bit more confidence than I actually got, I think it's an accurate representation of what kind of person I am: always cracking jokes, overthinking EVERYTHING, random useless knowledge that turns out to be somewhat useful.

About this fic: sfw, implied romance with OP, trans ftm character, no reader just Alex, confused Autobots they still need to learn so much about earth and everything, I also don't know okay?

This is just me struggling while simping hard for Optimus.

But we still ain't know what fucked up big M's navigation system when he crashed. Infact, why are all of our navigation systems useless here?! ", Jazz adressed, arms crossed over his chassis. "We all be getting lost all the time.

"I think I know why"

Oh please, why did I speak up just now...

All optics and eyes were fixed on me as I said that, making me immediately regret opening my mouth in the first place but here we are now.

"What? Maybe your systems think you're on Pangea.", I said, taking in the same position as Jazz by crossing my arms over my chest.

Optimus leaned closer, one servo on the railing, blue optics studying me thoroughly as to look for any signs of lie in my attitude.

"Pangea? May you elaborate?"

Hearing this deep voice so full of interest made me feel things honestly.

"The supercontinent. Wait, Imma show you."

I take out my phone, careful not to reveal the background, because I couldn't find the time to change it yet.

"Here, this is earth today. You see everything, Europe, Asia, South and North America, Autralia, Greenland and all the islands in the oceans."

"And this is Pangea, it broke apart into the continents as we know them today about 200 million years ago. This is probably what Megatron had in mind. See? When you look at a map of earth today you might think, if you turn south America around and snug it up to north America, they fit like a puzzle. It's because they were together as part of the supercontinent. Or push it up to Africa, same thing. Just squish it all together"

"That human is incredibly well educated.", Ratchet chimed in.

"That human has a name and thank you."

"But why did that happen? It makes no sense.", Ironhide complained, lifting one servo as to show his frustration in what I just said.

"If I may...", I look at Lennox, awaiting some kind of approval to continue. He nods and so I proceed with my explanation.

"Well, I don't know how to explain it scientifically, but I'll try to make it understandable."

Optimus nods, listening carefully. How do these highly educated space robots not know about that? But who am I to judge, they aren't from here so I can't expect them to know everything about earth.

"I think it probably started because of something called mantle convection. That means the heat from earth's interior rises up to the hardened crust. That caused it to break open, creating a volcanic rift zone. The cracks went further, the tectonic plates drifted apart. The rifts filled with water over time and while the plates drifted farther away, the oceans were formed. Or something like that I don't know but today we've got 6 continents."

Always undermining everything I say, great job on trying to act confident...

"And Greenland, I don't discriminate.", I added as some people eyed me.

"But I don't know if Pangea is what your systems used as the base to calculate. There were other tectonic combinations even before that, but it's a wild guess I'd say. I am certain it was one of them."

As I was explaining, Optimus' gaze changed to a warmer tone and I could feel my pulse rise to my ears. He was just so beautiful, and seeing him for the first time in person made my heart flutter uncontrollably. I wish I could tell him how I feel,

But this is real. No scenarios, no daydreaming or fanfiction. It was as real as it could get. Damn it, I wanted to shift here, not get teleported or whatever caused me to end up here with all of them. I hope we can atleast become friends. No need to get my hopes up though.

"Alexander?"

The baritone voice of the Prime pulled me out of my thoughts about him.

"Hm?"

"What kind of heat were you talking about?"

"Oh that. Well, starting at earth's core, it's liquid magma. It's really hot, like 5.200 Celsius hot. 9.000 something Fahrenheit for the Americans here..."

This was met with laughter and I continued with my lesson or whatever you might wanna call it I don't care, I'm struggling here okay?

"The further you go up, the 'cooler' it gets.", I say, underlining the word cooler with my hands in a joking matter.

"They probably got fancy scientific names but don't ask me which. Anyways shit's really hot. And it's what shoots up from volcanoes.", I finish as I look into a round of confused optics and a few tilted helms.

"Volcanoes? When tectonic plates crush against each other, or built up pressure is released, no?"

They all look at eachother, chuckling coming from my fellow humans around me.

"Okay here, that's mt vesuvius, big ass volcano."

"Sometimes these mfs shoot lava from this hole up there, pretty fascinating and scary at the same time.. It looks like this.", I add as they look at the pictures, not knowing whether to be amazed or afraid.

"The glowing stuff you see here is the lava. When it's still underneath the crust it's called magma."

"Are there many on earth?"

"Yup, don't get too close."

Optimus' optics widen at that statement of mine

"Don't worry bossbot, not on this island. The closest from here is next to Madagascar, Africa. Unless you decide to swim a few rounds up there there's no need to get worried."

The Prime relaxes, shoulders dropping while optics still focused on me.

Why is he looking at me like that? I mean I ain't complaining but if he continues like that Imma internally combust.

"You explain everything so well Alexander."

"Please, call me Alex. Alexander seems so long."

The Prime nods understandingly. "Very well then, Alex."

Oh god make it stop. I love you so much Optimus please...!

"His heart rate just shot up exponentially.", Ratchet mentioned and it was right then and there that I wanted to vanish, dissappear, sink into the ground, never to be seen again.

"Haha yeah, chronic Tachycardia, no need to worry."

That was a lie. Yes, my pulse is through the roof right now, but I've got no heart disease.

As I was met with confusion from every bot except Ratchet I explained before any questions could be asked.

"It's a general term to describe an elevated heartrate. You know, the thing in a human's chest that pumps blood through our body."

"Blood?"

"Oh come on. Okay, well then I can explain that to you guys later. And answer any questions you have as it seems no one else here cares about your education on earth and it's inhabitants.", I say grumpily, looking at Lennox, who raised his hands in defeat.

"I can see us becoming friends Alex.", Jazz laughed.

"Looking forward to it!", I said, pointing fingerguns at the silver bot, which is met with more laughter.

"Okay, class is over, what are we gonna do now?", Ironhide asks into the round of bots and humans.

I just shrug, looking at Optimus, who was still looking at me. But when I looked at him, he quickly looked away to Ironhide.

Cutie~

"Alex seems to know so much, why not ask her?."

That statement of a bystanding soldier was met with a glare from Optimus.

"Alex is a he, you better make sure to remember that!"

They went to protest, but Optimus wouldn't let them. "Unless you wish to get what humans call fired."

Oh shit he's really mad...

"I will make sure of that if you continue your unreasonable behavior."

As he said that I could swear I saw the soldier shrink right then and there infront of my own two eyes.

He looks at everyone. "This counts for everyone here. You will respect Alex."

Oh god, he's standing up for me I can't please marry me Optimus, like right now!

"Okay, lessons aside.", Epps put a hand on my shoulder, smiling. "You were great by the way. I think we can use that for good."

He looked between everyone, a stern expression replacing the warm smile, hand leaving my shoulder. "As much as of a crucial hint this is, we can't know for sure what's exactly causing the malfunction. Better dig people."

True honestly, but HOW is anyone supposed to figure it out without cutting someone open? Megs maybe...?!

"Something's on your mind again, I can see that.", Bumblebee said with snippets over the radio.

"What, me?! It's nothing."

"Nothing?!", Jazz protested. "You just gave us the best clue we could ask for. I'm no Optimus Prime but I can say that I wanna hear ya out my man."

He looks up at Optimus, who was looking at me again after listening to his lieutenant.

"I must say, that you have given us great insight on your mental capabilities Alex."

He leans closer and it took everything of the mental capabilities he just mentioned to not kiss him right here right now.

"Well uh, it's just some kind of impulsive thought. You know, the ones you can't really control...",I said nervously, one hand behind my neck, avoiding everyone's gaze.

But he didn't budge, only blinking once while awaiting an answer.

"Okay, you're not budging I see. Fine."

Taking a deep breath and regretting every life choice I had made up until that point, I went on. "Look, I don't know anything about Cybertronian culture and how things are handled. Especially this right here. Us humans, we always wanna know what exactly caused certain events. For example death here. So we came up with analyzing the body of the dead by cutting them open and stuff, it's called autopsy. Maybe, just maybe we could find something. I know Megatron ain't dead but he's in some sort of... Stasis? Someone could check his navigation system and maybe find the cause for the disruption."

I lower my shoulders, trying to be as small as I possibly could infront of Optimus, who's gaze I couldn't quite interpret.

"On Cybertron, there is quite a similar practise."

"So you're saying it's worth a shot, Prime?", Ironhide asks, unsure of what to think of the situation. "But he's not dead, as Alexander pointed out correctly.", Ratchet added.

Optimus turned around to face his Autobots.

"This may be our only chance. We must take it. For the sake of both worlds. This war has been going on for so long, we cannot let this hold us down. And now it seems there is a way to find out why this is happening. We will fix it, together."

Now it was on Lennox to speak up again.

"So we gon' dissect Megatron? I'm all in honestly. That fucker did enough damage."

My eyes widen at that. "They're not gonna kill him!" Unsure of the righteousness of what I just said I looked at Optimus, who nodded.

"See? They're just gonna take out the navigation system and leave."

"Ooh, big M is gonna be SO mad when he finds out."

"He won't.", Optimus retorted with an absolute certainty in his voice.

"Alright then, it's settled. Prepare people and gather as much information as possible for this mission and await any orders from Big O!"

And with that final order of Lennox the soldiers scattered around, leaving immediately.

Okay great, I'm gonna go be useless again wohoo.

"Alex?"

I look toward the sound of the voice I already grew to cherish. "I know, I know. I ain't accompanying you. I'd die if I did, already know that."

The Prime nods.

"I am glad you understand."

I love you so much I wish I could tell you...

As he remained standing there I grew nervous, fidgeting with the strings of my hoodie.

"Is there something you need?"

"Wha- me? No! Just... go be a hero.

You know you're good at it."

I clear my throat, pretty sure Optimus could hear my pulse. "But remember to take a break sometimes. I always see you up and about."

Did I overstep? I knew it. Chance blown. Goodbye earth. No romance.

"I highly appreciate your concern Alex."

He's always saying my name help. Is he just being polite or what does this mean?!

"There is this human saying. What was it again? I grab it with my heart...?"

Please he's so cute I can't~

"I'll take it to heart was it probably. It means to honor someone's wishes as you see them important."

He tilts his helm in question. "The person or the wish?"

That is when I think all the 5 liters of blood inside my body went up to my face.

Keep calm, stay cool Alex. Don't embarrass yourself.

"It's up to the person saying that."

Whatever higher power there is, please help me!

"You deem my wellbeing as important and so do I"

Phew, that was close...

"Can it be both?"

WHAT

"Eh, sure. There's always room for interpretation."

I guess...?

What has my life come to? They probably think I'm a know it all person. I gotta keep my damn mouth shut from now on.

"Very well then Alex, I look forward to working with you."

I only nod, trying not to get lost in those beautiful blue optics.

"I'm sure it's gonna be great Optimus!"

Unless I unsubscribe from life because a Deception squishes me...

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

A Very Long, Personal [but positive] Ramble about Neurodivgerency and Character Hyperfixation

[u can ignore this if you want this is just an ADHD ramble - this is a kinda 'mask off' talk about ADHD, autism and my personal history with it all. I also talk about the upsides and downsides - and the importance of Hobie to me personally - I just wanna normalize this stuff lol]

a.k.a The story of how I sent from obsessing over him to HIM in 10 years (what a glowup on my part ik)

(I know a lot of peeps on here can feel self-conscious about being neurodivergent and character connection or whatever you wanna call it and so do I! So I wanted to write it out or just ramble for my own sake)

I don't know if it's obvious or not, but I LOVE HOBIE BROWN. I'm going to be completely candid - I think about him maybe 85 percent of the day if not more, and that's in no way an exaggeration.

No matter what I'm doing, there's a least one tab open in my brain thinking about him. It may not be the focus, but it's there.

That's just how I operate. And I've been this way for a LONG time. In fact, Hobie isn't my first 'total focus' character in Marvel.

I gain VERY deep hyperfixations on Marvel Characters, many lasting years. And there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it's rad!

!!!! ATTENTION: This is a whimsical care-free zone. For Happy Funny Folk !!!!!!!!!

Loki - My introduction to hyperfixation with characters

I don't know if this is surprising or you'd be like 'yeah u seem like the type' but I use to LOVE Loki. For YEARS.

I'm AuDHD and when I was 13/14, a freshman in HS, he was my hyperfixation. Eerything I do for Hobie, I did for Loki. I even had a Loki blog for like 3/4 years.

This was back in 2012-2013, when Avengers had just came out, and the MCU wasn't - well, the MCU yet.

But even back then, the Loki fandom was HUGE. I have no idea who was also on Tumblr back then but it was gigantic. Because movies weren't coming out every 3 months, it went on for yearrrrsssss. Art, edits, fics, everything.

I was soooo into, I loved Loki. Like Hobie, I probably thought about Loki maybe 85-90% of the day.

And sure I was doing a lot of other stuff but in the back of my head there was always the oc x canon storyline running in my head, or replaying scenes from memory and analyzing, or wondering and speculating about his character.

I mask very minimally or not at all - so everyone in my school knew me for it. And at the time I didn't know I was neurodivergent, but that didn't stop me - I was genuinely proud of it.

I wore Loki shirts to school and brought the Avengers DVD the day it dropped (this was back before streaming in ye' old 2013). I knew the Avengers movie back to front.

I saw Thor: The Dark World the day it released and SOBBED openly in the theater when he 'died'. (I remember my mom leaning over and whispering 'Do you wanna leave?' cause I seemed that upset lol)

And everyday I use to wear a necklace like this -

(credit IJSY on Etsy)

But in black, until one day I had it in my pocket and I sat on it in class and broke it in two. And people around me deadass were like 'daammnn I know that shit hurt in ur soul' cause I LOVED Loki and people knew it. And I didn't care if they did.

And I was like that for years. Overtime the Loki fandom fizzled out, especially around Phase 2 when things like GOTG first came out.

But I had a Loki fixation like maybe up until the show came out. And even then I've seen the whole thing (I ain't even like it that much 4.5/10) and I'm gonna watch the second one (I'm a fool)

But any way like to this day I still remember the first time I saw Loki and how it made me feel and I can like picture it in my head and I consider it a pretty influencial albeit mundane moment in my life.

And it was a very specific feeling but it was like as soon as I saw Loki's first scene in Avengers, I was plugged into the screen.

Other Hyperfixations - Charles Xavier, Peter Parker

All of my hyperfixations are on men in marvel and they have always been. There's been others I've cycled through, usually based on the newest movie. I even went through a LENGTHY and very in depth K-pop era (don't get me started).

Charles Xavier was a favorite of mine (from X-Men First Class), and I LOVE MCU Peter Parker. I still do. But none hit like Loki did.

There was never THAT feeling, like the fantastical electric feeling.

And I had never felt that feeling again UNTIL I SAW HOBIE (i wanna cry)

My fixation with HOBIE BROWN HOBIE BROWN HOBIE BROWN (sorry I can't say his name only one time im too excited)

In the theatre my jaw genuinely dropped like I'm pretty sure I said 'OH NAH' to myself when i first saw him

Cause he was the prettiest character I've ever seen and I mean that

I didn't recognize what that feeling was until just now like YES, it's the same feeling. And I can't even describe it.

It's like every other character is normal but as soon as you lay eyes on this character for the first time it's like suddenly they're under your skin and curled up in your heart and you can FEEL them and the weight of them PHYSICALLY like not body wise but like astral personhood wise (do I sound unhinged)

And Hobie was just so pretty.

First of all - I didn't know he was black fgsbtgtuiuigs id never heard of spiderpunk

The wicks were what caught me off guard first. I know what wicks are, I've seen them before. But never animated.

And although Miles and Gwen and Pavi all look realistic - Hobie looked real to me. The high cheekbones and broad lips, the raised brow ridge and wide set eyes - he looked different from them, not just in art style but like - I DONT KNOW.

But that's how it is, you know what I mean. There was just something in my brain that was like 'he has meaning to me'. Like 'Idk who this man is, but whatever story he's writing, I'm reading it'.

That's what hyperfixation feels like.

And Hobie in specific held and holds so much more weight for me IN ADDITION.

I started falling out of my Loki phase around Thor: Ragnorok in 2017 - which is to say I was varying degrees of 'obsessed' with Loki for about 5 years.

Around that time, maybe starting in 2015, police brutality in NYC picked up. Me and my friends started getting more radicalized, going to protests, and identifying as communists, anarchists, or both.

One of my favorite things at the time was The Black Panther Party handbook I'd found at a second hand-book store. And for a while the Black Panther Party was a special interest of mine.

It made me really interested in the 70's, the civil rights movement, and the rise of punk that happened at the same time. Around this time, I made my first 'battle jacket' with a patch that said "Black Lives Matter, Bitch." and begged my parents for a pair of doc martens.

I didn't have Hobie back then, but I have him now. And he still resonates.

There was very much a time where I was that homeless, punk teen, angry at police, who wanted to be taken in by my favorite heros.

My admiration for Hobie comes from like - everything he is. Everything he stands for and represents. I don't need Hobie like I would've as a teen. But I know deep down the healing he could bring other people as a comfort character.

Or even in terms of a good political example, or great rep for alt black people. All of it.

That can't really be said for Loki. Or Charles Xavier (even if X-men is a race allegory), or even Peter Parker.

I grew up in NYC all my life, and I LOVE Spider-man, but I never felt Connected to Peter Parker as if we lived in the same city. I never felt something in common with Peter even if he was broke too.

Hobie's just different, y'know.

The Downsides

It's easy to feel really embarrassed by all this - and even now I'm feeling shy even describing how it feels.

Cringe culture gets in your head before you know it. I'm CONSTANTLY telling myself 'no, Hobie would understand that you're neurodivergent and this is you expressing yourself he wouldn't think youre cringe youre not cringe okay' As if my comfort character Hobie Brown thinking I'm cringe is like jksjfkjf the worst thing ever - i can't, i can't with myself.

I genuinely want to hug Hobie more than I want to huge most celebrities or influential real-life people.

I genuinely think hugging him would be more healing to my being than hugging the Pope or the Dhali Lama or something. I admire him and care about him but he's NOT REAL. It's PARASOCIAL And like duh, I know that - i'm grown as fuck.

Sometimes it can genuinely get you down that you care about this character-person and you can't be with them

It's like you miss them. But they're not real and you don't know them. And I know that sounds tragic or bizarre. But it's kinda just weird. It feels weird not in a sad way, but in a 'why brain?? why is this possible in my brain?? huh???' way.

Like...I know it's parasocial, but like it's not like a fan and a youtuber. He's not real, I'm not giving him money or hurting anyone. I know there's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's just WEIRD.

Like... I know my cat isn't a person and mentally I don't see them as a person and can't like analyze them like a full formed person even if I wanted to. But with Hobie - someone who is not a person - my brain can???? Like I've never met him but like... I can imagine a full conversation with him beginning to end in his place of residence I've also never seen before??????? SO WEIRD.

Also theres that thing of him running in the back of my head 85% of the time.

Even if I'm talking or cooking or something, I'm still daydreaming about him - I have ADHD. And during those times if i'm interrupted and someone give me a THIRD thing to do (besides thing 1 and thinking about Hobie) I get irritated. Because now I have less brain room for Hobie stuff.

The Upsides

Now reading all of this you might be like 'sib this sounds like nothing but a problem r u okay' but I PROMISE ITS REAL FUN SOMETIMES

And it's nothing to feel ashamed of!

Now the last part was just a list of downsides, but the upsides are more things I can do because of my hyperfixation on Hobie that makes me happy

Like I said, I daydream a LOT. Like a LOT.

Mainly with OCs You can probably tell how much I like OCs, and how much OCs - even others', mean to me. And usually, my OCs are the ones who I see the in-media universe through. I don't have to think about making an OC much, for me personally they come fully formed. Because of this, while I'm watching movies I begin to have involuntary daydreams of where I can add in an OC, or what they'd be doing. I typically only do this for Marvel though. Hardly DC or any other media other than maybe Batman. For Loki, it was a character named Asdisira Heimdaldottir who I shipped with him. And for Hobie it's Diane Pastors (Disco-Spider).

And although I am in completely control of what these daydreams are, they are vividly realistic, and can come on at different times.

For me, it's while listening to music mostly. But anything can trigger it - from a good text post, to hearing a phrase. And these daydreams are extremely vivid. Most times, you can visibly see when I'm doing it. My eyes will glaze over or start moving as if I'm trying to remember something. Sometimes I may say 'random' phrases. I say lines from the scene I'm in outloud. (Like saying 'How could you!' in an offended tone to myself, if that's what the character in the daydream is saying). I also make facial expressions. I can do it on purpose, like hitting play on a movie and resuming where I left off. Usually, when I do this, I close my eyes. I much prefer to sit and do it without multitasking, but I often do it while doing something else.

These daydreams connect, and arcs/storylines can go on for months/years.

Usually these stories go on for months in IRL time, and span the whole history of the character. For Loki, I probably has Asdisira for 4 years at most. Which is still a LONG time. These arcs can take different pathways, and I may imagine a scene multiple times - in different ways, but usuall the timeline of the oc x canon stays overall the same. Sadly, I almost never write these down. I would pull my hair out and theres not enough time in the world for me to write Diane and Hobie's full narrative down in detail that does it justice. I wanna make a bullet list of their narrative but i dont wanna clog dashes

I can genuinely use them as a comfort character.

I don't need this much now, and nowhere as much as I needed it in high school, but having the ability to daydream vividly at will about a character you feel safe and happy with - it's dope. Sometimes it really helps. There were a lot of times I imagined Loki comforting me or showing me kindness or helping me calm down. And sometimes you can do it just for fun. Like, as a treat. Whenever. I'm imagining Diane and Hobie at a fish n' chip shop right now. It's drizzling outside and it smells like oil and Hobie douses his chips in wayyy to much vinegar. It's like I'm there. Like...I just do that. thats rad as hell. (and I don't know how to describe it if you can't do it but hopefully others know how it is but it's VIVID, like wayyyy more than any dream.)

Literally a walking fact book about them.

I'm smug AS FUCK. I use to love when dudes in high school challenged me about the MCU cause I wore a shirt. Like, oh buddy. Oh pal. Just you fucking wait. I know this character better than you know your own mother - try me hoe. I love reading characters like a book and rewatching scenes, breaking down motives, watching their movements, looking for patterns and drawing connections to real world history, cultures, or psychology. I LOVE watching behavior and personality in the movies, and making conclusions about where they'd come from, reasonably, for the character, and how it affects them outside the scope of the film.

And most of all - It's Free Joy we're almost at the end I promise

This is long as all hell and unlike my other posts there really isn't a neat little character study but uhhh I wanna end with this I guess -

The best part of it, is it's free joy. Literally.

My brain can do something a lot of others can't. I can feel a kind a comfort and understanding with a character, I can entertain myself and come up with amazing stories that have mean to me.

I can make wonderful worlds and all that without lifting a finger, and hangout with my favorite characters just by going

(literally how i be sitting there - professor x headass)

I hoping the fucking multiverse with my mind.

But there's nothing cringe about that. And there's nothing cringe about drawing Hobie for hours on end, by himself or with an oc. There's nothing cringe about thinking about them a lot, or wanting to buy or make a lot of merch.

We aren't hurting anyone. It's not like a celebrity or a youtuber. Nothing we're doing is taboo or anything we're literally just being happy. And squealing about a character we deeply love

Like..Golly if more mfers in this world were squealing like us once a week maybe they'd be happier, you know what I mean. People be walking around mad as hell at the world...like why don't you look at this picture of Hobie and calm down? That's what makes me calm down.

__________________________________________________

Anyway uh this is LONG and not connected much to ATSV but if you read down this low THANK YOU so deeply it means a lot. If you relate to this at all I'd love to hear.

And if you think I'm unhinged. Absolutely. But that has nothing to do with this and ain't nothing wrong about it, in the words of megan the stallion... 'ah'.

I leave you with this pic of Hobie goodbye :)

im using my magic autism powers to hold his hand :) now im giving him a hug im having fun

[bokettochild]

Do you have any writing tips for beginners?

Asolutally!

Don't make it good. Write, get the idea out. No one gives a darn about which words you use, just the feelings and pictures they get out of them. They remember what you tell the, not how you tell them it.

Follow your flow. If the character wants to do something, let them. This is how you keep them in character. If it goes against what you wanted/needed, then find a way to slowly redirect them back where you need them. Don't drag them there, make them think it was their idea.

If you get stuck, change something about what's happening. Change the weather, the narrator, the scene. Make a loud noise startle someone. Break up the silence with something to make the characters start responding again.

Plan what you want to happen if it's a long story, but don't expect to follow it precisely. Again, the characters have their own minds and may act differently than you expected. That said, make sure to hit your key points somehow, even if it takes a while and some work to make them hit them. this is how you tell an actual story, not just ramble.

For short stories, don't plan. Planning makes you feel like you've already written it. Just sit down and spill the vibes. Rambling is Very Good here.

Edit after at least 24 hours. It looks newer and you are more likely to notice the mistakes. Do two edits though, so you catch the ones you missed the first time.

Don't publish until 24 hours have passed. You'll experience less regret. If it's still good after the 24 hour test, then it's good, not just the euphoria of finishing a project.

Don't be afraid to double check word meanings, even if you've been using the words for forever. Sometimes having the definition makes all the difference when deciding if it's the right word to explain what you're hearing/seeing in your head.

Use. Paragraph. Breaks. New character speaking/acting = new paragraph. New subject matter being discussed = new paragraph. Don't worry if your paragraph is only a sentence. Or a few words. Or one word. Just make sure it's easy to tell who's doing what and when.

If it's fanfiction, don't worry too much about describing well known locations/items/people. Your readers know what these familiar places/items/characters look like, so describing might just bore them. If it's new stuff, or if you changed something about the person/object/location (e.g. damage, decoration, notable features that impact the plot or which the characters notice) then DO mention it, but otherwise, don't worry about describing the familiar too much. Unless you enjoy describing things and setting the scene! Then just have fun, but be conscious to not be a Tolkien and take forever to get past the descriptions and into the story; you might lose your audience that way!

Have fun! If you don't like writing it, don't write it. It ain't worth it.

Length doesn't matter. 500 words is good. 10,000 words is good. Any words is good. Just write. Don't look at the word count or page count (turn it off if you can).

Don't let anyone tell you what you should write, and let no one steal the joy of hyperfixating when you want to. Write for yourself first and foremost!

Hope this helps!

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #37

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[AO3] [wattpad]

*CW-Long term affects of medical denial & child abuse, living with PTSD *Kink & toys mentioned

((I keep forgetting to tell you guys: Lyly is pronounced "lee-lee." It's short for their middle name, Llyn/Lynn (<-genderfluid affected spelling)))

~POV Mori~ I woke up gasping. I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself so I could tell the difference between actual physical touch and the phantoms left over from my night terror. My body wouldn't stop shaking; I needed Lyly's help. When I got out of bed I froze. Not only did my bed not have curtains, this wasn't my room. No. This was my room. Sinbad picked it out for me in the guest tower. I was in Sindria; in a whole different dimension. All of the adrenaline supporting me left and I sank to the floor. I was still trembling but I wasn't scared anymore. The people who hurt me couldn't reach me here. I had that dream because after spending the past month hyperfixated on the present, I had been triggered into remembering one of the worst parts of my past, so now I was remembering the rest too. 'Sorry, Lyly.' The safety I had gained in this world was invaluable. I couldn't imagine going home willing. Based on how little light was getting through the curtains it was still the middle of the night. I was drained from my dream, and my hips were still aching but it took a while for my mind to calm back down. Tomorrow and the distractions that came from it couldn't come soon enough.

--- "Alright now, Mx. Prophet," the doctor gave me my diagnosis. Sinbad had him sent first thing in the morning, and his arrival woke me up. "You need to rest for a few days. I'll have painkillers sent over to help with your hip pain, fever, and migraine." With his job done, he saw himself out. 'I can't miss the Morning Assembly! ...But-!' I knew the doctor was right deep down. I was in no condition to do much of anything. I was fine resting when I didn't have obligations, but I had a job now. If I was back home I would have had to give Lyly my keys so I couldn't leave. Five years just wasn't enough to fully rewrite my base instincts. Although, from the new memories I was gaining, the me back home was doing a bit better. Those new memories were why I was healed and practiced enough to stop myself even if a doctor hadn't told me to... especially since I had a fever. As long as both me's kept whatever this connection was then maybe we would also keep the benefits from both sides. --- ~POV Sharrkon~ Mori was the only person that missed the morning Assembly. Yamuraiha had a growing smile throughout the meetings, and now that it ended she mumbled something to Pisti. Shar groaned; he knew where this was going. "Yup." Pisti giggled. "I heard from a reliable source," probably 1 of her boyfriends, "that Mori's not 'sick'. Her hips were injured and her body over worked last night." The King refused to look at the gossips. His silence spoke volumes compared to the past month of him adamantly defending that there was nothing special between him and 'his Beautiful Prophet.' "Oh ho~! It finally happened after I left!" Hina slapped Sharrkan on the back with a laugh. "Looks like the 2 of us have to pay up! But I guess you lost the most, huh?" "Oh, no! I ain't paying nothing! Nothing happened!!" Shar had a hurt ego to nurse and he would not let them step on it harder. "Mori got hurt dancing. Our King had nothing to do with it!" Sharrkon felt a shiver run down his spine that made him hold his tongue. Hina looked to the others for confirmation. "Is that true?" Drakon answered him. "It's true. However, it's also true that Sin carried Mori all the way to their room from the festival." "Oh~? That's proof enough for me." Drakon, Ja'far, Yam, and Pisti agreed with their own comments. The man in question still refused to comment, so Hinahoho addressed him directly. "You're really not going to say anything, Sin? After all of that time, telling us how you don't want to get married?" "Fine. Fine." King Sinbad finally turned to them with his arms crossed. "It's simple really. You know I'm not the type to reveal my hand until I'm certain." Sinbad was smiling, but Shar knew instinctually the King was the threat that told him to stop talking. The giant laughed. "Is that so?" "I know you're aware this is a first for me." Sharkkon's wallet cried with him. He had lost 2 out of 3 bets. It was only a matter of time before he lost the 3rd.

---- ~POV Mori~ The Great Bell rang out. The morning Assembly was definitely over. There were several things I had wanted to do today, and I couldn't do any of them since I had to rest. I needed to meet with Queen Artemina before she left Sindria. I had to solidify our connection as allies, but she was set to leave in a day. As I wrote a letter to send her, the waves shifted. This was the right choice for me, and the future I wanted. The letter would need time to dry before I could send it. I got up from my chair and stopped. I didn't want to lay down again yet no matter how much my body needed it. 'Damnit! How much more of my life am I going to spend sick??' I groaned into my hands. I was born with a weak raspatory system, so I get sick multiple times a year and often end up bedridden. "I am allowed to rest even though I can sit up and walk. Pushing will only make it worse." My mom eventually stopped acknowledging when I would get sick due to the expense which is why I struggle to let myself rest as an adult. I made a point of putting the truth into words to fight her conditioning. I climbed back in bed even though I knew that meant I would be stuck with just my thoughts until I fell back asleep. This was the perfect opportunity to process everything that had happened with Sinbad, but I couldn't think about it at all. Being triggered, recognizing these new memories, and that night terror just made me think about home more -well the place I came from. Even when I was in my room there I often couldn't help but think 'I want to go home' because even though it was comfortable and familiar, I couldn't feel safe. My last therapist told me that as long as I stayed in that house full of reminders there was only a slim chance of me recovering from my CPTSD. If only I could have afforded to move out.

In the new memories I got, our dad finally agreed to reorganize all of the living spaces, so that me and Lyly weren't getting as many flashbacks anymore. Hell, he even apologized for everything and started acting like a real dad some of the time. The me that stayed home was able to persevere until an opening for change finally came. 'If they got Isekai now I wonder if they would want to go home?' The thought had never occurred to this me -just like it never did back when I was in in-patient. Although I was still worried about Lyly like I was then. I rolled over to pull out a scroll from the bedside dressers. When I was on the ship I had worked on all sorts of scrolls and one was a memoir of my life back home. One of the first things I did was draw the people important to me before I'll inevitably forget their faces. I unrolled the scroll. Lyly's face stared up at me from the page. As difficult as that place was to live in all of my loved ones were there. In this world there was no one that knew me, and I wasn't sure if I could let my self get that close to anyone here -especially Sinbad. He already knew how deep some of the scars on my heart are. I didn't want him to think any less of me, or use my pain against me. And even more than that, I was scared that the safety I had here would shatter if I made a wrong step. 'I thought I was doing better.' This world had treated me so well that I fell into a false sense of security. Not being surrounded by reminders of my traumas made me feel like I was somehow cured and could restart from scratch. But that's not how healing works... Being away from triggers just made it easier to avoid having an attack. It's only after feeling safe that we let ourselves feel the emotions that are unsafe to feel in the moment. A few tears fell down my cheeks. I placed the scroll on the bedside table and rolled back towards the middle of the bed. Surely it was okay for me to cry in a situation like this. I allowed myself the luxury even though the tears didn't last long. When I was young I cried just as often from joy as sadness. The abuse I experienced made it unsafe to cry at all, so I learned to cry silently until I eventually stopped crying altogether. Being in this world made me feel like it was okay again. Letting myself actually feel these emotions was an important step in the healing process. Beating myself up for getting triggered and relapsing wouldn't help at all. I needed to forgive myself.

--- One day of rest should be enough, right? It's not like I still had a fever. I didn't want to stay in my room and make an even worse impression. My hips would hurt a little if I over worked them, but that would just act as a limiter. ((<<= This person is in denial))

I got dressed after breakfast, but as soon as I grabbed the doorknob I froze. "Yeah, no." I was not in the mood to see Sinbad in person yet, and I would have to if I left my room. As soon as I took Queen Sinbad's choker back off I felt a wave of relief. It had given me so much dopamine and serotonin when it was part of a fantasy, but now it was a reminder of my fears. How could I mark myself with it when I couldn't feel safe in my own desires? Wearing it felt like a lie. I definitely wouldn't be able to wear it for a while.

'Guess I haven't completely lost my sense of self-preservation.' Besides, I hadn't actually had time to do most of the things I like doing to relax since I got to this world. Going out in this state would be worse than not going out. Another day off as I recover from the stress had to be reasonable.

But what options did I have to relax?

Everyone else was busy with work at this time of day, so I could masturbate without having to worry about being interrupted. But my toybox didn't isekai with me; I only have my hands, and some ribbons for mild shibari. Sinbad said I could make requests, but there was no way in hell I was letting him find about this, let alone use his money for my sex toys. I'll figure out where to get some after payday. The night terror was still fresh in my memory anyway.

Video games, comics, and anime were obviously out of the question. Printing still isn't big enough for fiction to be popular to write -that's part of why Sinbad's Adventure story was such a huge success. I had 3 cats back home, but I can't exactly adopt a new pet while sick. I do sing a lot to relieve stress, but it would be embarrassing to be overheard without knowing. 'Note to self: get carpets to hang up to dampen the sound.' There were places I could go that would be harder to be heard but leaving wasn't an option until I was better. That only left me: writing and drawing.

'Working on Fate scrolls it is!'

The flow of ink was good for my brain. It did more than help calm me; it gave me more perspective but it couldn't give me true answers. 'I wish we could just go back to how things were before that night. How am I supposed to know when I will be ready to see Sinbad again?' He isn't any of the people that hurt me, so why can't I just like him without being afraid of betrayal?

Were Sinbad's actions manipulation, or earnest? Could I trust the safety I felt around him? It was definitely a combination of how he treated me, what I knew from reading his Fate, and how familiar I was with being around those types of manipulation. But there was something strange. When I looked for signs of his manipulation in how he dealt with me, or any expected fallout, nothing came from it. In fact, everything kept ending in my favor. The cycle I was expecting was coming from me, not Sinbad. The waves swirled as I finally let myself think about it.

What was he actually going to say when I cut him off? Even if it was what I thought, would I be able to believe him? Even if I didn't have relationship trauma I don't think I could trust him romantically after reading his Fate. He claimed he wasn't playing the flirting game, but that could have been manipulation. Was it my heart or pride that would be hurt more if he was lying? I couldn't tell yet.

I was lonely. Both in general, and in this world. There was no one that knew me here. And I was too scared to trust the person getting closest to my heart. Even though I didn't want to be seen like this, I didn't actually want to be alone; I just couldn't shake the fear of rejection or punishment I thought was inevitable. I left my windows open just in case. ---

~POV Sinbad~ The King sat on the edge of Mori's bed. He had been unable to visit the first time she was sick. Now that he understood his own feelings he couldn't stay away unless he was on the other side of the world. The only reason he didn't visit the first day was because he knew she needed space away from him. The waves had been trying to guide him here for a while though. Who was he to deny them? No one answered the door when he knocked or called out. The silence and waves worried him. The last report said her current fever was mild, but it could have spiked since then. Mori developed an extremely high fever on the ship several hours after everyone saw she was unwell. He entered without permission only to find his Beautiful Prophet was sleeping peacefully. He had gotten to see her; that would have to be enough. Mori turned her head in her sleep and her bangs fell onto her eye lashes. Sinbad leaned over to move her hair out of the way. He tried to keep his touch light to not wake her, but her eyes fluttered open. Unfocused eyes watched him. "Sin..?" The sound of their voice was a relief. It didn't sound strained at all, only weak from sleep.

"How are you feeling?" They weren't anywhere near as bad as last time. "~*yawn* Better now that I'm awake." "Oh? Did you have a bad dream?" They watched him as what he asked slowly processed in their newly conscious state. "Yeah, I did. Thank you for waking me." "Anytime." Sinbad returned their weak smile with his own. "I guess that's why it wasn't just my waves leading me here." He hesitated. "Mori, what do you think about moving into the Purple Leo Tower? It will be easier to care for you when you get sick. You'll be safer there. And your waves could reach me faster." The same fear from the other night started seeping into their expression. "I'm fine here." But he wasn't fine. "Besides, it will be harder when I have to move out of the Palace." For a moment he forgot how to breathe. "Why would you have to move out?" Why would she ever think she had to leave?? "Would you really be okay with me staying after my visions run out?" The King couldn't stop his hand from reaching to caress their cheek, but he was able to hold back from making contact. "Of course." Mori's brow creased farther and they glanced at his hand. "What about after I share all the knowledge I have from my world? I wasn't an engineer. I only know the basics." Sinbad's heart dropped. From the beginning Mori had been marketing herself as a resource, and he had only ever responded positively. Yet another way he'd messed up without even realizing it. "Of course, I'll still want you by my side." The more he was able to peer into Mori's heart the more worried he got. "You are a person, not a resource. You do know that, don't you?" Mori closed their eyes and leaned their head towards his hand; he took that as permission. Their cheek didn't feel feverish. They spoke flatly about their emotions like they did the night of the Announcement. "I know that logically, but I struggle with knowing how to act if I'm not helping someone." They brought a hand up to his. "I really do like helping people, but sometimes it feels like that's all I am. It's what I had to do to survive since I was little." Ah. He could understand that thought process. Sinbad had been a caregiver for his mother and village from a very young age, and went straight from that to king's candidate. There was very little time in his life when he wasn't working towards helping someone. Drinking, and philandering became his break from that -although he would hopefully be narrowing that last point to one person soon. "You seemed to do just fine at the festival." So fine that he couldn't deny his feelings anymore. "Huh? -Oh. Yeah. I guess I did." Her expression softened into a genuine smile. "It was probably going around the festival that got me sick though." It was mainly stress according to the doctors' report. Mori closed her eyes with a yawn. "I'll have to keep more distance between me and the citizens next time. I didn't realize I was so interesting." "You're incredibly interesting." They let out a quiet chuckle. "If you say so." Sinbad watched and felt as they turned their face into his palm, and sighed. Mori relaxed more into his hand with each breath as if his scent and touch were comforting. It bubbled up desires he knew he shouldn't act upon with a sick or unconscious person and yet he couldn't make himself leave either. He took a moment to ground himself but it did little good. He couldn't bring himself to leave until after Mori let go of his hand. To think another person would have this much power over him. "You really are amazing." There was absolutely no way he'd ever allow anyone else to see this side of them. Mori would be moved to the Purple Leo Tower in time, and would just have to learn through experience that he had no intentions of letting them go. ---

~POV Mori~ I woke up to the Great Bell the next morning. Sinbad being here was not a dream. I had just been too groggy to question the situation. What was the point of staying home, if he was going to visit me in person?

On the plus side, seeing Sinbad while I wasn't stuck in my trauma brain helped break the cycle of questions. Sinbad might be stubborn but through his whole life he is shown being someone fully willing to change his mind when given enough information. At this point in the story he is someone with conviction who says his truth directly -even if he often speaks in a manipulative way. So when he said he's chosen a new path, he meant it -even if I don't know what that means yet. And when he is shown seducing women, the idea of moving any of them into the Purple Leo Tower would never be considered, let alone offered -even in private. And yet he offered that to me.

Sinbad was changing and I'd never be able to accept how if I stayed cooped up in my room. To understand myself, and Sinbad I needed to spend more time around him. My rest was over. I didn't need to jump all the way in at once. I'd see him at the morning Assemblies, swap pleasantries, and part ways until the next day. 'Slow and steady.' --- ~POV Sinbad~ Was this how Hina and Drakon felt when they looked at their wives before they got together? Just seeing Mori enter the halls of the White Capricorn Tower made his heart swell. And hearing their voice? Well, he was starting to understand why Ja'far had been so upset with him since they returned from Balbadd. Even seeing Mori dressed androgynously didn't shake his feelings -though it was a bit jarring after how they dressed for the Announcement. It just cemented that what he felt wasn't simply based on how Mori presented. They were undeniably the most beautiful person in the world to him now.

After going through more options than necessary, the first thing the Dungeon Capturer managed to say to Mori was, "I'm happy to see you're feeling better."

"Yes. And thank you for visiting me while I was resting." Mori's smile made him feel at peace. Seeing them up close confirmed that they cut their bangs some. "But never enter my room without explicit permission again." Their sharper tone pierced him repeatedly with each sentence. "That includes the bird by the way. If my curtains are closed or I don't answer the door: don't enter my room."

He wore a smile to ease their anger. "Of course. It won't happen again."

Even as Mori accepted his response and left, the King couldn't get his heart to stop racing. Why did there have to be so many large risks of ruining his chances when he already knew she liked him from reading his Fate?

--- ~POV Mori~

As soon as the Assembly was over, I fled to the Black Libra Tower. 'He said he was happy I was better! AND he didn't say anything about about my change of gender expression!' Sinbad said all of two words directly to me and I started short circuiting. I remembered that he offered to move me to his tower -the one he sleeps in???- and immediately went on the defensive. I was not as ready as I thought!! I was going to need my favorite hyperfixation to survive the rollercoaster I was trapped on. And if it didn't exits yet, then I was going to reinvent it myself! It would be relatively easy to make a printing press since this fanfic was in English instead of whichever Arabic language was the region's canonical one, or Japanese like the series was originated in. Both require significantly more characters than English, and some kanji can be too intricate to make with this world's current level of technology. Speaking of which, this world had stamps and seals so this next level of printing shouldn't be too crazy of a change. I took some print making classes in high school and college, so I got to use a few different scale printing presses. I knew enough to draft prototypes. I excelled at typography in college too -so well that the department head signed off on me skipping a few courses so I could get to the high level stuff faster. The typography was digital, but I still learned enough to draft prototypes of stamps and such. ('A shame I couldn't afford higher than an Associates Degrees.) Since I was working on a table in the middle of one of the libraries, people came up to ask me about what I was doing. I gave a brief summary to the latest onlooker, before I pointed to the examples I was drafting. "I see." His voice was familiar but I was too focused to register it. The person moved around the table to read the part I had finished this morning. He made a few sounds of recognition as he read. "Won't spelling out each word every time be a hassle?" "Well, yeah. It's better to have most words premade. And full lines of text can be fused together to make reprinting more issues easier and faster." He pointed to a spot on the parchment. "Ah- that's what this part is then." My eyes were drawn to the glint of his rings. Every cell in my body remade itself as my brain finally acknowledged who was talking to me. "That is convenient." Sinbad's voice was unmistakable now that I was paying attention. I prayed to every God I knew of that my emotions didn't show in my actions or voice. "This might be a new technology here, but you won't have to completely reinvent the wheel thanks to my 'visions.'" I had to focus on my breathing to keep my heart rate down. I was able to keep the conversation moving, but I wasn't sure I would remember it well. I was more focused on not looking like an idiot. We had exchanged greetings at the morning assembly but this was the first time I was talking to him fully sober in days. His polite gestures and this conversation made my heart swell, but he wasn't flirting; he was just existing while being attractive. 'Why did I have to start thinking it could be mutual??? I can't even enjoy it like this!' If anything starts there's going to be an end.

--- ~POV Sinbad~ Sinbad didn't have a 'real' reason for visiting Mori in Black Libra Tower on their first day back, but, as King, there was no one who would question him. Although, Ja'far would come to get him if he's away from his responsibilities for too long. He arrived a bit after lunch to find Mori sitting at a table in the middle of the library where anyone could and did come talk to them. The proof being that they didn't beat an eye at his questions. In fact, it sounded like they had explained about this stamp system multiple times. Mori needed their own office in the tower. He'd make sure they got one asap. As interesting as this new technology was, Sinbad kept finding himself staring at his Beautiful Prophet more. It was hard enough to focus at his own desk -let alone when Mori was right in front of him. Sinbad had heard that acknowledging the feeling makes it stronger, but he wasn't expecting this. Mori tensed for a moment before scooting their chair away from him. He had been leaning closer to them without realizing, and they moved away. How was this the same person that fell asleep holding his hand the previous day? Were they just too tired back then to remember what was going on? Did they think it was a dream? He definitely shouldn't flirt with them while they were this uncomfortable to be around him. Would they even be willing to hold his arm while they walked together? He didn't think so. Sinbad took a moment to ground. Even if Mori had turned into a feral cat or wild rabbit around him, the way they watched him when they thought he wasn't looking was a sign that they wouldn't mind being tamed by him. They had enjoyed his company before; he just needed to remind them of that. The only question was if he could regain Mori's trust before he had to leave for the Kou Empire.

((OMGOSH I did not expect this to take this long. At least a month of that gap was from back-to-back illness too, so it took even longer. My digestive track turned off for 24 hours and took 48 to fully come back online. While I was in recovery I caught a really bad upper raspatory infection that gave me a 103F fever for a week. So of course my period hit me like a freight train a week later. Somehow I was ill the weeks around the holidays and not on them, but it was a still a super rough couple of weeks. I'm better now :D which is why I was able to have the energy to write.

I processed a lot of my emotions while working on these chapters. They're all things I already knew, but consolidating them like this helped me see more of the places they were affecting me, and cement in my head that it is okay to move forward. :D

This arc is 3 chapters long including this one. Since I do have the next 2 written already, I just need to refine them and make the art, so there shouldn't be as long as a break for the next chapter. Like this chapter, they will have scenes of Mori processing their emotions. I needed a lot of time to edit them down a ton since there's obviously things I don't intend to post on the internet, and I want the story to feel good to read chapter to chapter. I've already got the next arc started too. It's a lot of character confrontations that became discarded drafts of earlier arcs, but definitely need to happen now. Since I have those drafts as a basis, I hope to get that arc ready before I finish posting this one. I have another DeadEnd chapter to post, and a few one shots I almost have ready. I've been posting wips and art for for them on patreon, but I won't be posting them here until I have full chapters ready U-U))

[crowleys-scarf]

Day 5 of explaining my GO playlist

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

This was initially coincidence because I happened to start listening to this song a lot around the time GO2 came out and basically every song I listened to I connected back to my hyperfixation. Obviously Crowley has a very fast car, but the lyrics also encapsulate the desire to run away from their current situation. One person is hopeful about change while the other seems stuck in their ways. I imagine this song mostly from the perspective of Aziraphale because the singer is describing the person with the fast car, but also because of the line "I had a feeling that I belonged / I had a feeling I could be someone". Crowley is really the only person who supports Aziraphale and his interests instead of glossing over or belittling him.

Lyrics:

You got a fast car I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal Maybe together we can get somewhere Any place is better Starting from zero, got nothing to lose Maybe we'll make something Me, myself, I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car I got a plan to get us out of here I been working at the convenience store Managed to save just a little bit of money Won't have to drive too far Just 'cross the border and into the city You and I can both get jobs And finally see what it means to be living

See, my old man's got a problem He lives with the bottle, that's the way it is He says his body's too old for working His body's too young to look like his My mama went off and left him She wanted more from life than he could give I said, somebody's got to take care of him So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car Is it fast enough so we can fly away? We gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way

So I remember we were driving, driving in your car Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car We go cruising to entertain ourselves You still ain't got a job And I work in a market as a checkout girl I know things will get better You'll find work and I'll get promoted We'll move out of the shelter Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car I got a job that pays all our bills You stay out drinking late at the bar See more of your friends than you do of your kids I'd always hoped for better Thought maybe together you and me would find it I got no plans, I ain't going nowhere So take your fast car and keep on driving

So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car Is it fast enough so you can fly away? You gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way

[genericpuff]

Hello I realize this isn't necessarily the platform so completely understand if you ignore this! Wondering if you can provide a brief overview of what's going on with the popular WT creators? I get mixed information and you seem to have a lot of knowledge. (Snailords, Mongie, RS, Ephemerys, Uruchan. I heard about the Snailords dog and fan blasting stuff and Ephemerys possibly being inappropriate with minor fans. Really hoping Uru hasn't done anything.)

I'm not really gonna ignore your question but I will address it sort of? Because like... I'm gonna go off on a tangent here so bear with me, but I think a lot of people see my analysis / "callout" posts here and assume that's what this blog is for, but like? Not really? Like I certainly do that here at times when it's something that's really eating at me and I have to get out of my system, I love analyzing works I used to enjoy or otherwise have strong feelings about (ex. I never liked Big Ethel Energy but I'm miffed that it exists at all so I can't resist talking about it lmao) and I'm obviously VERY verbose about it, but I draw the line with actively seeking out stuff that's controversial or ripe for criticism just for the sake of creating 'content'. I'm one person who started this blog to mostly talk about LO, I'm not a monolith or solid source on everything to do with Webtoons and there are other people talking about these things in far more detail than I could :' )

With that said, I'm aware of the Snailords situation because of how often it's been brought up in the /r/webtoons sub (and I used to read their work years ago, before they were on Webtoons), and when it comes to RS and Mongie, I'm simply a former fan of their comics and I didn't realize the problems with them until their series jumped the shark and I had a chance to go "wait a second-" so I have that degree of "investment" that fans have have which spurs me on to talk about (and criticize) their work. It doesn't occur in a bubble.

I have NO idea what's up with Ephemerys and Uruchan, like I deadass don't know who those people are so your guess is as good as mine ╮(￣ω￣;)╭ (I googled them after reading this though, I know their series and have heard great things about Purple Hyacinth and a lot of "meh" stuff about UnOrdinary) So you won't catch me talking about them here unless I genuinely decide to give them a try LOL (and I've said my peace about reading stuff just for the sake of criticizing it, I ain't about that, I want to make room for things that bring me joy, too <3) That said, if you search for these creators via reddit and communities like it, you'll undoubtedly find the info you're looking for ! (when I googled Uruchan it seems like most of people's issues with them is that UnOrdinary has gone down the tubes in terms of quality, nothing really controversial about Uruchan specifically though from what I can tell).

EDIT: upon further clarification from OP, there isn't in fact anything worth noting, so we're clearing up for the record now!

Literally outside of my hyperfixation on LO and other Webtoon-specific topics that fall into my lap through the run of a day (like whatever I see going on in the /r/webtoons sub and other webcomic communities), I'm still like, a normal person who isn't aware of every single thing going on and so I'm not gonna ever be able to cover every controversy and piece of gossip out there. I wouldn't want that, either, balance is crucial.

I do think it's sorta sweet though that people enjoy my takes on LO and comics like it so much that they want to hear my opinions on other works, especially ones that they have opinions on and want to hear my take. But I'm still just one person. I don't read everything and I don't have an opinion about everything, I don't need to :' )

[blubushie]

Opinion on criptids? not including yeti, Yowie, bigfoot, or similar ape beings.

Aha! I'm talking about primates anyway.

Lucky you, cryptids are a former hyperfixation of mine. What else is a bored kid in the Outback supposed to do except obsessively read his book on cryptids and plot journeys to discover them?

Disclaimer: reason I'm not mentioning some obvious cryptids here (cough chupacabra cough) is because I'm not including cryptids that are likely misidentifications of other things (like how chupacabras are most likely coyotes and dogs with severe mange).

Listen, I've seen a yahoo. Maybe those yams went bad and I was just hallucinating. Maybe my childhood vivid visual hallucinations kicked back in for one evening. I don't know. All I'm saying is that I find it very interesting that practically every culture and continent on the planet has a story about large, hairy, ape-like beings that walk on two legs and have similar behaviours of reclusiveness, evasion of humans, piling things in their environment, knocking things like wood and stones, and chucking things at people who get too close. Also a lot of them supposedly pong quite a bit.

Almost like we had a distant ancestor that evolved and maybe spread around the globe some 300,000 years ago before humans even evolved...

Also Aboriginal Australians and Papuans have DNA from a, as of now, unknown human species. We have no idea what the fuck it is but it's presumed to be a situation similar to how European humans mated with Neanderthals (and eventually assimilated them into the human genome to the point of extinction). This coupled with so many mobs having stories about yahoos stealing away women in the night? I ain't saying nothing besides something's crook in Tallarook.

Anyway! If there's anything out there it's probably in the ocean. I'm keen to believe that maybe there's a freshwater plesiosaur somewhere in Loch Ness since plesiosaurs did travel from ocean to estuary to brackish water to freshwater and then out of the rivers back to the sea again. And with fully-freshwater plesiosaurs being likely, who's to say they didn't end up in the Loch? Well, science, since the Loch only formed by melting glaciers about 10,000 years ago and is completely landlocked, but fuck that we're talking cryptozoology! I think it's more than feasible that some juvenile plesiosaurs (much like crocodiles) survived the meteors and continued to reproduce... Just not in the Lock. I've been on the open ocean. I believe in sea monsters.

I'm fully convinced of the Blue Mountains panther because I've found the fucking tracks. No, dipstick I mentioned it to one time in person, big cat tracks look nothing like fucking dingo tracks.

Megalodons. Cliché, I know, but hear me out. A lot of people think that Megalodons pulled a colossal squid situation and went deep. I don't think so. See, Megalodons wouldn't have remained at a 15m size in the depths. There's too much pressure at deepwater, and the amount of food they'd need to maintain that level of mass without starving is much higher than the amount of food available at that depth. They'd need to feed so often that they'd defo be spotted because even colossal squid arise from the depths at night to feed, though they still remain pretty deep.

So deepwater? No. HOWEVER. However. A Greenland shark situation where Megalodon gradually evolved to maintain colder body temperatures and moved to the geographic poles to feed, remaining under the ice caps? More likely. Additionally the colder waters would mean that the Megalodon's metabolic rate would be incredibly slow to the point they'd only need to some up to the surface maybe once every six months to make a kill and then return, unpotted, to the darkness to digest. Now if only there were large, blubbery, calorie-rich prey items big enough to sustain a 15m apex predator's nutritional needs in frigid waters. Oh, if only the Megalodon had specifically evolved to hunt these large, blubbery, calorie-rich prey items... Hmm...

There's something in Lake Champlain. There's been recorded echolocations of an unknown animal. Do I think it's a plesiosaur? No. Do I think it's a freshwater dolphin or other caetacean? Yes.

The thylacine still exists somewhere in Tasmania.

Aliens.

Other miscellaneous ones I think are real are:

British big cats. Escaped/released exotics, especially after the 1976 Dangerous Wild Animals Act. There was even a puma caught alive in 1980 near Cannich in Scotland. She was named Felicity after her capture. You can read more about her and other (Scottish) big cats here.

Eastern cougars, Puma concolor couguar, haven't kicked the bucket yet.

Queensland tiger is either a surviving small population of mainland thylacines or a bloody Thylocaleo population that survived to the modern day. (They also might just be tree kangaroos though--far more likely.)

Min-Min Lights (I've seen them)

Zanzibar leopard. This was a leopard subspecies that lived on Unguja Island in Zanzibar, Tanzania. They went extinct in the mid-1990s after a bounty program enforced by the government and due to habitat loss. A living leopard was recorded on camera in 2018, but scientists keep whinging about how it's probably just a feral African leopard that was introduced to Zanzibar. I pity the hopeless.

Malagasy hippo. Supposedly gone extinct ~1,000 years ago, the last known sighting was 1976.

Aliens (again)

Humanity's greatest sin is thinking ourselves so wise that nothing remains a mystery to us.

[spotsupstuff]

whats your opinion on the games scugs?

(monk, arti, enot, etc.)

which ones are your favorite lore wise / gameplay wise?

i don't have much of opinions! as one could... probably tell from my excessive iterator posting and extreme lack of scug posting

lore wise i will forever stick with my ultimate fav scug, Hunter. being a pre-Downpour fan has conditioned me into thinkin of the vanilla scugs the most and i'm most attached to them as well. Hunter is my fav of the three because of how unique they are compared to the other two, the amount of special lore and explanations their campaign offers to us. also i fucking love NSH endlessly so those two are a combo to open up my heart. they are actually the reason why i ended up hyperfixating on RW the first time around!

Survivor at the end of the day is the most basic scug, no matter what people say that's just a factual truth with her bein the first lil bugger peeps usually try out, but i've had a lot of fun playing with her characterization and my absolutely favorite thing to do is pair her up with Pebbles. Survivor is Five Pebbles' Cat to me. from the olden days

still up to present

even with Arti around now these two get to me emotionally more still. my old ass is cursed </3

i don't have much to say about Monk except the fact that i'm still quietly laughing about how on THEIR campaign i got more pissed than anywhere fuckin else except Gourmand i think. like this peaceful little sunshine parading around in the world and then there's me behind the screen cursing up a fuckin Storm truly embracing my inner Bitch... i had fun with that..... either way, the fact that he can see traces of Survivor in the shelters is So Fucking and the possible parallels between vanilla scug sibs n Pebs n Moons are eating my brain alive whenever i dedicate a braincell to the slugcats

the Downpour scugs are more in the bg to me and also offer a sort of like... not exactly completely 100% continuation of the game, but one of the possible canonical paths the story could've taken n i ain't gon lie i often forget or ignore some Downpour facts because of my ass bein so stuck with the vanilla game

either way, Arti's maul ability is the best thing invented for this game, Gour is Neat and i really gotta go and explore OE better with Surv cuz that place is Very interesting from the lore stand point (also that map Pebs flashes when openin the gate is SUPER cool). Spearmaster is prolly my favorite of all the scugs cuz of their mechanics n the whole uncollapsed LTTM structure is a delicious world-building, along with the first hint towards the climate, the shit with Seven Red Son-of-a-bitches and the broadcasts at large. i'm affectionate for Spear. that lil fella can climb up with the vanilla scugs i shall allow it. Riv was... the most notable things to me about them was The Rot/Pebbles condition/his last words and then their crack cocaine eyes. love headcanoning UI made 'em like that with actual crackies. the ending with Moon didn't... really hit me for some reason- but still, i'd rank the coolness of their lore on the third place because of The Rot kush

now Saint... Saint is a though nut to crack to me because of Two ✌ reasons. 1. i still haven't fucking finished playing this asshole. 2. there is a lot of room for interpretations. which is a GOOD thing, i Like when that happens, but it makes talking about the lore of the rat harder. ultimately without any brainstorming, Saint's lore is a confusing outta-nowhere mess that is so extremely far from the original ideas and themes of the vanilla game that my head spins. at first i legit thought that the lore of the thing would break what vanilla has already laid out, but thankfully i'm a person who likes to shrug so i shrugged and let it be n started figuring out my own interpretation of it all which has been a lot of fun. what i have going on for Saint in my stuff i adore all SO so so much n ofc shout out to shkiki's interpretation for being one of the coolest i've seen too

n Sain't mechanics have. made me stupidly daring with death jumps i don't know what's happening but that tongue has made me basically jump off a ledge without any preparation before that Sky Islands/Chimney karma gate n i didn't even flinch about it cuz the.. tongue... i don't fucking know what happened to me there but it was bizarre n i like bizarre in this game so i'm givin that shit 4 pats out of 5 you-tried stars. i also got fucking BULLIED BY A SCAVENGER IN FRONT OF A SHELTER FOR TEN MINUTES THATS GETTING A 5 MINUTE FROWN OUT OF GODDAMMIT THIS GAME

[lost-technology]

Tristamp and Year in Review

I saw someone else speaking of their discovery of Trigun: Stampede and how it helped them through the year and only glossed over it. However, this anime was important to me this year. Trigger warnings: Death, grief, mourning, suicidal ideation and the fact that this was a generally shitty year. Personal stuff. Heartwarming "warning": Healing, reconciliation and a touch of nostalgia.

Where I was when I started the year: Laughing at Congress' inability to elect a House speaker (I follow American politics), working a shitty fast food job and looking forward, with some trepidation, to the Trigun reboot that my partner's adult nephew (also best friend) told me about, being an old school Trigun fan who had Trigun as almost her whole life back in the 2000s. I have a bookshelf full of manga, some even in Japanese even though I'm an English-only reader. I have a manga-book signed by Nightow, this is my level of dedication, even though I had fallen out of the fandom for a long time (my hyperfixations turning toward certain videogames - Zelda most prominently and my getting hard into She-Ra and the Princesses of Power for some reason. Spop was an obsession because I was a fan of the original when I was a kid (yes, Virginia, old people are in fandom). I got into the new series, mostly because I really loved Entrapta (mad scientist trope!) and was into a certain side of the fandom I now largely regret being in. I wound up having a falling out with a lot of people because a misunderstanding that lead to an accusation of plagiarism that culminated in me displaying actual symptoms of the mental illness that my "friend group" lied and said they were compassionate towards,* me being fairly harassing toward certain people and picking fights, (certain paranoid false accusations had me PISSED), people treating me like an emotional predator who was somehow "out to get them" instead of suffering a spiral. Someone screenshotting and putting up some suicidal ideation I'd posted on my blog that I'd deleted specifically in order to tell people in the fandom who weren't even in the drama that I was "faking it" and to not talk to me / exile me from the fandom. And that drove me over the edge - that thing. When I got back from the hospital, I was determined to remain in the fandom - making a new blog, doing my art and fics whether the gatekeepers wanted me in their precious fandom or not. (*Something I have learned in my long life is that no one is truly compassionate to the bipolar - not even other bipolar people. When we're a mess, we're a mess. Trust me, not even paid psychs are always prepared). This happened like, 2 years ago, but I'm still bitter. So, that's where I was, plugging away, embittered in an old fandom that I wasn't quite quitting because I needed to show myself, if no one else, that I was still standing. Looking forward to Trigun reboot and worried it would suck. Looking very forward to the new Zelda game, wondering if I could afford it when it came out. Watched the first Trigun: Stampede with my fiance / partner. He declared "It ain't Trigun" because he didn't like the new art style and some of it really had a different feel than the '98 anime. I was all "I don't really like how the SEEDS stuff is just right out front there rather than an unfolding mystery, but this animation is SLICK and I want to see where this is going!" 1/2

[ambriel-angstwitch]

Unknown/Nth is Ridiculously Merthur Coded

At least in my hyperfixated mind. So I actually was thinking about this concept before Speak Now TV released and it was pushed to the side so now here it is.

You know the distance never made a difference to me I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any see. Ignored the vastness between all that can be seen And all that we believe

Merlin would have done anything for Arthur. He put himself in pain and hard situations to protect Arthur. He wanted to believe that one day Arthur would create the prophesied Albion and return of Albion despite how different that was from the current situation.

So I thought you were like an angel to me. Funny how true colours shine in darkness and in secrecy. If there were scarlet flags, they washed down in the mind of me

This speaks both to the way their relationship was kept in secrecy and how they adored each other. But it’s also reminiscent of the secrets that Merlin kept and how Arthur was so blind to them. Merlin wasn’t the best at keeping his magic secret despite using them usually in the shadows. He’s even admitted to it but Arthur never noticed it if he did he choose to ignore it because it would only cause him pain. If Merlin had magic he’s been betraying him since the beginning. He’d “need” to kill the one person he trusted most.

Where a blinding light shone on you every night. And either side of my sleep Where you were held frozen like an angel to me

The moment with Merlin in Ealdor is forever frozen in Arthur’s mind. The light eliminated Merlin’s features

It ain't the being alone. It ain't the empty home, baby You know I'm good on my own Sha la la, baby. You know, it's more the being unknown So much of the living, love, is the being unknown

Merlin understands more than anyone that being unknown is painful. But now years in the future all of his friends are gone. He used to be ok with being alone and having an empty but now that he’s experienced the full castle with the knights and Arthur it’s so much harder to be completely unknown. The unknown is the worst of it. But in a way he’s been unknown most of his life even Arthur didn’t really know him

You called me angel for the first time My heart leapt from me You smile now, I can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth And what's left of it, I listen to it tick Every tedious beat going unknown as any angel to me

Ok these lyrics I don’t really have a connection to Merthur for other than Arthur feeling betrayed when the magic is revealed but I just really love the imagery of the betrayal being the loved one devouring and destroying the heart that once beat for them.

Do you know, I could break beneath the weight. Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you

Everything they do they do for each other. They’ve both done so much just to keep each other safe, some of which they regret.

That I'd walk so far just to take. The injury of finally knowing you

Arthur finally gets to see everything that Merlin’s been hiding. It hurts that Merlin never trusted him and that Merlin isn’t exactly what he thought but it’s an injury Arthur worked towards and it’s worth it to understand the man he loves. (Or alternatively canon wise Arthur literally was injured when he finally knew Merlin)

You know, it's more the being unknown And there are some people, love, who are better unknown

And to end it on an angsty note. Merlin feels it’s better for people to have never known him. Because all of the people who have ever known about him have died.

[xsteveharringtonsmistress86x]

Hey, sorry it took me a minute to get back to you. The “pale” skin and “running finger through readers hair” are definitely bothersome. Also when they describe the reader’s skin as “creamy”. I know they can mean it as being “smooth” but I’d rather they write “smooth” or “soft” without using a term who’s color is a particular shade of white. Blushing is a HUGE one that’s a red flag for me to know that fics are not inclusive; “reader turned red” or “reader turned a deep shade of pink”. White knuckling is another one that bothers me too. There’s so many other ways to describe gripping something tight that doesn’t involve skin changing colors. Pink nipples is another one. Using white girls in the gif or the moodboard is definitely not inclusive. But MY biggest pet peeve is RELATIVE!Reader fics. Majority of the shows/movies that I hyperfixate on has a majority white cast so when these writers write a sibling!reader fic for one of those characters that immediately excludes SO many potential readers. I get it, you write what you know, and I know that white is the default. I just expect SOME type of effort or I’d rather for them to just tag it as White!Reader so us POC!Readers will know the fic ain’t for us. They’re just scared to do so. 🤷🏽‍♀️// I'm sorry. As much as I agree with most that you said I don't get the last part "the fic ain't for us". I personally read fics of many colors (yes, I'm white). It doesn't really bothers me if discription of the y/n is dark skin or blue eyes which both I don't have. So I don't understand 'this isn't fic for me'. I only pass when I don't like a story or if in my opinion is badly written and I have a hard time. Yes there are many white y/n oriented fics but they for everyone. I don't fit in most those physical discriptions but that don't stop me from enjoying. I fell like the big problem here beside what you said is also the fact that y/n isn't real and it ain't you and it your problem reader is that you try to fit in it. If you try to look for the one that fully describe you you wouldn't find plenty. Like there will be a fic with brunet, brown eyes, skinny. And how many of you fit in that huh. That's also a big problem. Use your imagination people! I understand you point of view when you look for a very specific fics. I don't have problem with either. I enjoy them all the same cause I mostly skip or overlook those description part unless it has a meaning for the story if I so disier to have a ME IN THERE moment. I'm seeing fics as the story's of someone. I never in my life actually read Y/N as my actual name and I'm sure many of you don't do it either. It's like reading a book. You not really a star in it no matter your physical appearance.

Ok, so here’s the thing. POCs, especially Black POCs, have ALWAYS had to adapt to white media. Whether it’s in TV, Movies, books, etc, we’ve always been forced to adapt or assimilate. Then when we ask to be included in this said media, we are either ignored or tokenized. Or if we actually get the main feature, it’s always a negative backlash (Don’t get me started on Halle as Ariel). We’re SICK and TIRED of it all. You reading 1 to 2 stories not centered around whiteness, does not equal the years upon years upon decades upon centuries of not being included—of being PURPOSELY exclude and made a mockery of. And the fact that you decided to come here to try to compare your apples to MY oranges, speaks absolute VOLUMES. Instead of inserting your WHITE opinion, how about you shut up and actually listen to what POCs are trying to tell you.