#i also changed tenses for the flashback so i feel like that doesn't help

[bi-disastersoup]

WolGraha Week 2023 - Day 1: ~First Kiss~

If one were to ask the Warrior of Light when his first kiss was with his current partner, he would answer quickly and without hesitation.

"Ishgard," he replies, "a few weeks after we returned from Ultima Thule."

His partner, however, is not so quick to answer, and in fact looks to be dodging the attention of the other man.

"It was Ishgard," R'alma repeats, though he sounds like he is losing confidence in his answer.

"Amity, actually," G'raha corrects, so quietly he can barely be heard.

"No. No, it couldn't have been." R'alma is shaking his head now, and looking thoroughly confused. “I’d have remembered,” he adds in a small voice.

And G’raha only scratches awkwardly at his cheek as a small blush dusts his nose. “Well, ah…” he stutters after a moment. “After the talos was completed, the town was in rather high spirits, what with the final battle so close in reach. And besides the spirits flowing in the tavern, the atmosphere itself was rather intoxicating.”

“I wasn’t that drunk that night,” R’alma pouts, crossing his arms. “I remember the celebration vividly.”

“Yes, of course,” G’raha concedes. “But what you do not seem to remember is how late you remained awake. I made every effort to persuade you to get some rest, but you were near delirious with nerves and insomnia. And you…”

It comes back to him now – fuzzy, half-conscious memories of stumbling through the town at an hour that should have been dark. Falling into the shadowy robed figure. Being helped up by half-crystallized hands…

The anxiety that plagued her made it impossible to sleep, despite how tired she was. Not to mention the blinding Light. She had just got used to sleeping in the dark again back at the Crystarium. And so she stumbled aimlessly through the silent village, searching for gods knew what.

And then there he was, looming before her, casting a blissful shadow over her form. She lost her footing in her daze, the sudden appearance of him sending her into a stumble. Her body never hit the ground, for he caught her in his arms.

One crystal hand brushed against her horn as he righted her.

“R’alma!” he exclaimed, holding her steady by the shoulders. “You should not be about at this hour, you need your rest!”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she muttered, blinking at him blearily. “Too bright.”

There was a buzzing in her head that she knew could not have been from the festive gathering several hours before. She could feel it – droning, humming, sloshing around inside of her like a barely contained tide, constantly threatening to spill out.

She knew the odds were poor of her being able to take on any more of it.

But still, he asked more of her.

And she would do whatever he asked.

“There’s a good chance I don’t make it back tomorrow,” she drawled, stepping forward to lean into his touch. “And if that happens, I don’t want to leave anything unsaid.”

In the brief moment hanging between them, he breathed her name. And she couldn’t be sure, but she swore he left off her tribal mark. The buzzing in her ears was too loud, but it made her smile nonetheless.

And before another second could slip away, she pressed forward until her mouth was on his. It was soft and plush beneath her lips, tasting of whatever tea Dulia had given him to return his strength earlier. And the Light burned in her throat, pushing and rising and threatening to rush out and take him. But she bit down, pushing it back so it would not consume him like it had her.

He stood in silent shock for a moment, unsure how to respond. When she did not pull away, however, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed her to him, returning the kiss with a fervor. He seemed to her like a man lost to sea grasping at a lifeline, so desperately did he deepen it.

When at last they broke apart, her panting for breath and he clenching his jaw in restraint, her luminous eyes sought for his in the shadows of his cowl. “Forgive me, my Lord Exarch,” she gasped. “I fear I may be falling for the charms of your mysterious persona.”

“Alma…”

And there it was again. Her name – her given name alone – breathed into the space between them like a lover’s whisper. Heavy and dripping with a desperation she couldn’t begin to understand.

“But that was unfair of me,” she said reluctantly, pulling herself away. “After all, as I said, I may be walking to my death in the morning.”

“You will most certainly not… be walking to your death,” he murmured haltingly, collecting himself from the surprise of her assault. “Of that, I can… assure you with the utmost confidence.”

“Now please,” he added, as he turned her forcibly back toward the cabin in which she and her companions had been staying. “Please, you need your strength. Go and rest.”

And R’alma buries his face into his hands as the faded memory returns to him, groaning in mortified distress. “Oh gods, please tell me I didn’t actually… I thought that was a dream.”

With a small grin, G’raha moves to comfort him, gently stroking his drooping ears. “I am afraid not, love. So sure were you of your impending demise, I would deign to suggest that was a confession as well, were you not so agitated from exhaustion.”

“I was sick,” R’alma gripes, muffled still by his hands which have not left his flushed face. “Don’t ever let me talk when I’m sick. I clearly have no clue what I’m saying.”

And G’raha laughs as he presses a kiss to his partner’s head. “Try not to dwell on it, my star, ‘tis of no consequence. I myself was far too occupied with my own impending demise to be much bothered. And besides, we are here now, all things considered. And that is all that matters.”

R’alma grumbles, but he melts into the embrace all the same. And at any rate, the question has been answered.

Their first kiss was at Amity, on the eve of the attack on Mt. Gulg. Not in Ishgard.

[harmoonix]

♦️Rubina♦️

Short Astrology Observations

Gemini placements, especially Moon/Mercury and Mars, love to make eye contact with the people they find attractive, but I can tell their eye contacts last so long

An Aquarius Lilith can talk about a rebellious nature in your community/social group, your friends can tell that you're a fiery person

Aries Saturn/Saturn in the 1H can end up overthinking over tense situations that already happened, is a like a flashback coming in your life

When Mercury transits your 7H, you can find yourself talking randomly about your past relationships or even current ones

The eyes of a sun - lilith h12 native are GORGEOUS!! These natives are widely known for having strong personalities and charisma

Neptune in the 6H/8H/12H can be drained by people mentally or even you can find your energy 'being stolen' by others in spirituality we call these people 'energetic vampires' people who are known to steal energy/mood

Neptune/Pisces in the 2H can indeed spend their finances on things they find spiritual or ancient. Also, it is very important to value your personal traits

If someone has a mix of Sag + Aries in their chart! BE SURE that person can be harsh at times even without realizing that they're being harsh on others

If you're born with Aqua placements, it is a big indicator that you have a humanitarian and peaceful energy, you love to help people in your community

Mars in the 11H or in Aqua can engage in conflicts about their friends or even with them, there is always some sort of issues, though this placement is very useful for manifesting fast

If Saturn is finding himself in the enemies like Leo or Cancer/Aries it can be a big indicator that you're meant to change something in this life time

Lilith in the 10H/Capricorn can have a provocative, sometimes problematic image, the society can find you powerful

You can always count on people with Moons in the 9H/11H/Sag Moon/Aquarius Moon to be loyal to you!! They will be so devoted to you

Moon transit in the 12H can talk about dreaming about your past or certain events that happened in the past

♦️Is very easy to tell the degrees between the tropical and sidereal charts if you learn them, the sidereal degrees will always be within 6° more in the sidereal chart than tropical for example

Having a planet at 24° in the tropical chart will result in a planet with 0° in the sidereal chart (24+6=0° in astrology because we don't have the 30°)

If you have a planet at 21° in the tropical chart will result a planet with 27° in sidereal chart

(21° + 6° = 27°)

If you have a planet at 2° in the tropical chart, it will result in 8° degrees in the sidereal chart

(2° + 6° = 8°)

And so on 🤩👏 just calculate them!♦️

Taurus Placements especially Venus/Lilith/Moon love to get spoiled!! They love luxury but won't tell and instead they will want you to observe that

Pluto in the 10H/11H in a natives chart can make energy of the chart so influential if you have aspects to pluto it will play a big role in your life

Prominent and Dominant planets are not the same!!

Prominent: lots of aspects to one planet

Dominant: lot of planets in the same sign (someone with 4 planets in Cancer is a Moon dominant)

I don't know if you guys observed, but most ppl with cap placements in a way feel restricted to tell their feelings, and it can be because people may not pay attention to those

2H/3H in Scorpio/Aquarius/Gemini/Aries can make the native talk in a more dirty way, for example, telling a curse word in each one of their questions/sentences

Venus in Aqua/Venus at 11° 23° degrees can have a chance to meet their partners online! That doesn't mean accepting all the requests on Tinder!!

The moon sign in your moon persona chart will tell more about your soul! Is a very emotional journey discovering as well! Make a combo of your tropical moon sign and moon persona's moon sign

Having 5H planets in your SR (solar return) can indicate getting into romantic relationships, especially Mars/Venus

Mercury aspecting Pluto natives may love to speak possessive words out of their mouths like 'You're mine' and things like that

Pluto in the 7H/Lilith in the 7H can talk about a dating history involving toxic partners and attracting them

When Aquarius Venus/Mercury/Moon/Rising will find love, they will mostly look for natives with a good mindset and a stable communication skill.

People who tend to be people pleasers can indicate deep father issues, especially parental trauma watch out for the sun/Saturn sign and the sign over your 4H

Capricorn/Aries in your 3H can indicate being the oldest/first kid or sibling in your family

People who have Saturn - Mercury harsh aspects find it hard to concentrate, hard to be focusing on things. Those people who have a lot on their mind

I feel like people with a water moon can be romantic, only if their partner shows romantism as well. Otherwise, it can be hard to be with one-sided romantic person

Cancer/Moon in the 9H ppl can have parents or family members who work in educational institutions, schools, high-schools etc

People with 4H like Libra, Taurus, Leo, and Pisces could've been raised by a single parent only or divorced parents later in life

In some cases, Leo/Cancer/Gemini/Aquarius/Sagittarius Lilith can talk about being the black sheep of the family and also the family with a favorite child, so favorkids in the family

Scorpio/Capricorn/Taurus Venus would rather wait for that one person to arrive in their lives than waste times with relationships

The definition of a Libra is co - relationships, so people with Libra Placements will feel like they need to have someone with them or the feeling to depend on someone

~ Have a little fun. It's the only way we know ~

[seafoamreadings]

week of july 21st, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: your ruling planet mars breaks away from his much hyped and anticipated uranus conjunction last week just to trine pluto. it's scary planets but they're in a nice aspect; you win in power struggles as long as you act from justice. then he moves on to sextile the sun later in the week which can be a fantastic little energy boost if everything else has run you perhaps a bit ragged.

taurus: early in the week expect wires to be inconveniently crossed when it comes to communication or thinking. by the end of the week it's considerably better, although mercury is in the "shadow" of its retrograde (coming up), and behind the scenes you also get some kindly benefic boosts from venus and jupiter in the form of resources (or resourcefulness).

gemini: mercury oscillates between being difficult and being quite pleasant. but he is already in the pre-retrograde phase, which will affect you more than most. these are the last couple weeks before the proper retrograde season so be sure to tie up any loose ends you have going on.

cancerians: the sun makes a few pretty dramatic aspects here at the end of cancer season. some are "good" and some are "hard" but all of it is just what you make of it. this is a precipice time, which may not be your favorite, being that you love security so much as you do. but if nothing ever changes, nothing ever happens. even you would get bored.

leo: it's no secret that leo (like all the fixed signs) loves their own season. this week, your ruling planet the sun comes home to your sign and kicks off the festivities. but this comes with an intense neptune trine as well as a tense pluto opposition. it's not all rainbows and sunshine, even with the sun so center-stage. but that doesn't mean the rainbows and sunshine disappear! enjoy them even if you have a few roadblocks this week.

virgo: mercury is making its way into your sign. even if you, like i do, take ceres to be your true ruler, mercury is probably exalted in your sign. there's no way around it, the upcoming retrograde hits you harder than most. cover your bases now so that life is easier throughout august.

libra: you are of course a paragon of balance and poise any time at all, but this week especially, while the rest of the world is still recovering from and integrating the recent hard transits, you are (or at least appear to others to be) practically unaffected. it makes you attractive to those who need help, and it's good to help them, but don't let anyone be a vampire to you. you first.

scorpio: any relationship weirdness is still in the process of settling. it may take some time. it's not meant to be traditional, easy, or simple. and you're such a creature of the depth that you wouldn't be satisfied or fulfilled if it was, anyway.

sagittarius: although things seem to be getting less serene every day, it many ways it suits you. it's not that you love tumult, it's just that complete serenity bores you. this is all part of your experience as an incarnate being. so enjoy the increased passionate fire vibes and be sure not to spend any time wallowing in self pity, even if that's what your friends want to do.

capricorn: pluto rests just outside your sign, a hair's breadth away. you are really accustomed to his influence after the last couple of decades. but that is a quite uncomfortable position, as he is heading back for your sign and agitated by malefic mars as well as the sun this week. you may have flashbacks from recent years, or you may feel aggravation around self worth or financially net worth or similar themes. it's temporary. breathe in, breathe out, do what is to be done next.

aquarius: yes, the mars-uranus conjunction is fading out. but mercury still makes a square with that taurean uranus. this can aggravate any 'situations' you have ongoing with live-in partners, family opinions of a relationship, and so on. you get to want what you want, and do what you want. but it may be good to consider (not bow to!) the feelings of others in this process.

pisces: it's a hazily magical period. others have to squint to see it or they only catch glimpses in their dreams maybe, but you know it's there. like you can see two or three layers of reality at once.

[finsterwalds]

Got my hands on the script of Anatomy of a Fall, and I couldn't help but compare it with some scenes from the movie because that's how deep I am rn :'D Anyway, here are some of my finds and things I personally enjoyed. I'm sure there are more things to dig out but these are what I wanted to share with the world. The order of my finds will be chronological, for the most part, but keep in mind that sometimes, some scenes were edited to show up later, or earlier than originally intended. Spoilers for the whole movie obviously so you've been warned!

Takes place when Vincent first visits Sandra to discuss Samuel's death. In the movie, Sandra stops Vincent and cuts him harshly, saying "STOP, I did not kill him". Vincent then says a line that I think is pretty iconic in the movie, a sarcastic : "That's not the point. Really". His line is much harsher than on the script, where he's a bit softer. "You don't need to tell me that" implies that he has some deep, loyal faith in Sandra, while "That's not the point" cuts any further discussion. He really doesn't wanna know if she actually did it. Comes from a wish to remain blind still, but with less innocence and a lot of denial. Oh, Vincent.

In the movie, his last line is way better imo, he says "No one's gonna believe that. I don't believe that." I like the emphasis on his opinion rather than the fleeting and impersonal "it's really hard to believe". Truly hits way harder and puts Vincent back in the position of a lawyer.

The rest will be under the cut because I think it's gonna be a wall of text I apologize guys...... This movie does things to my brain.

There's a scene that was cut where Vincent phones Nour while still at Sandra's, which I would have enjoyed a lot but I'll admit it's a bit filler-y. Doesn't add a lot and kinda cuts the serious tone of Sandra's confession, imo, as they discuss the judge's antics in a pretty comical manner. I just love Nour so I'm based......

Another, REALLY long scene that was cut where a medium comes into Sandra's house to feel Samuel's ghost and foreshadows Daniel poisoning Snoop with aspirin. I had a good laugh at that one, honestly. It feels pretty out of place with the tone of the movie, and the personality of the characters even... I can't picture Sandra calling a medium. I'm glad they removed it because the foreshadowing was unnecessary too. It's still interesting that they had planned it however.

This takes place after Vincent finds out about the tape. Interestingly, his whole line was cut after "before he died". In the movie, he never comments on Sandra's affairs/sexuality. He never really asks much about her life at all. He truly is blinded by his wish to shield himself from her inner demons, in order to maintain his undying loyalty towards her. To see what he wants of her...

Another scene that was completely cut (a flashback, I believe?) where Sandra makes Daniel pose for a german photographer to make some money, which Monica dislikes, and then they argue. I think it really frames her as too unsympathetic, so I'm also glad it was cut.

Okay, so now, here comes The Big Change. The scene where Vincent and Sandra drink together after the first trial was heavily altered, because its tone in the movie is pretty tense when compared with the lightheartedness of the script. In the script, they laugh and reminisce together about the past and even kiss at the end of the scene. In the movie, none of was I screenshot happens : instead of playing along with the 'firing Vincent' suggestion, the scene ends with Sandra scolding Vincent for judging her in his head. Vincent backs off and the scene ends. Another instance of him not pressing emotional depth to shield himself.

There are other scenes I liked (many that touch upon Sandra's books) but I'll stop there. Hope you'll enjoy that... I might draw some of these so stay tuned... This movie has absorbed my soul but it feels good to be alive, thank you Justine Triet.

[infernothechaosgod]

I wanted to make it into a comic at first but I had trouble imagining it in that form

So here! Take this angst idea outta my hands

Also heads up i kinda go into ptsd in this one so if that makes you uncomfortable Go away, drink some water, eat a meal, take care (also plant a tree)

Leo and usagi both often meet up on rooftops of the hidden city's buildings And talk, usualy it's just them having good time telling eachother stories they like, and leo sharing his "family secrets" from time to time (mikey got so many of his recipies rated out by leo)

But sometimes they had a worse day, sometimes both sometimes just one of them and the air then is tense the one acts diffrent and the other notices and tells em to spill it out

One night usagi and leo talk about how awful flashbacks and triggers are, about how youre absolutley helpless towards them and there EVERYWHERE

it feels pathetic to be so startled by just red light, something big being behind you or even the sound of metal, leo can't help but yell in fear sometimes when raph oh his beloved raph his protector his brother makes him remember the time he almost died by the hands of that monster just by standing behind him

They both have trouble with those, because there everywhere and sometimes talking about them is just so embaressing, you can't just go to hueso's and go "Hey can you change the color of this lamp or take it away? Yeah it reminds me of the time I almost died and i might have a panic attack because of a fucking light color"

They both also don't really know why they vent to eachother out of all people so much, or should I say they woudn't admin it to themselfs

Leo vents to usagi, because he doesn't feel that bad when he's worried. after all they see eachother like this alot, at some point they got used to it, but his family? The family he cares about more? He cannot let them worry that much. And he loves usagi but not as much as his family

Usagi vents to leo because honestly he has no one stick around for this long to him, he wants leo to stay with him and care for him but he doesn't expect it, he expects him to leave very soon and grow sick of him, and since he's gonna leave he might as well take some of his thoughts and pain away, afterall there has to be a reason no one else wants to even talk to him

[cleabellanov]

Budapest: we finally get to know what happened!

Well, not oficially, and certainly not in the near future. However, that doesn't stop fans (me) from having movie concepts (this post) for fun and entertainment (it's consuming my time and I fantasize about seeing it in the cinema). But moving on...

Black Widow III: Budapest

Oh and if you're feeling confused, this is preceeded by Black Widow II: Into the winter mist, also on this blog

The intro is similar to the one of the first Black Widow movie: images roll as if we were watching a documentary, not a Marvel movie. Everyone is dead silent. This is rated R, another sign it's going to be dark.

With her mind made up to end the Red Room once and for all, and given the only chance to do so by Clint Barton sparing her life, Natasha plans on blowing up the building Dreykov is in. This can happened only after his daughter, Antonia, steps in. Facing a great moral conflict, Clint doesn't accept at first. However, he understands Natasha will complete her job in Budapest with or without his help, so they end up working together.

The scenes used to show the explosion are the same ones we saw in Black Widow.

On a smoky rooftop, Natasha and Clint catch their breath, with the city sprawling below. They are bloodied and bruised, trying to find an escape. Soon, a Red Room assasin whose identity remains hidden catches up to them. They work together, showcasing their distinct combat styles and growing trust.

They have to hide in air ducts for almost one week, because that's how long it took for the Red Room to lose their trace. Natasha takes this as a great success. She believes Dreykov and his daughter to be dead, even though they aren't.

Finally, weakened and in need for rest, they arrive at a hidden safehouse. They discuss their options. Natasha suggests contacting a former Red Room contact, a woman named Yulia, who might know escape routes. This is a new character we've never seen before, but heard of several times in the previous movie. She is the same woman that helped her and Bucky Barnes remain together for so long, until the separation that occured with her last mission, and the only one that would count: Budapest. She knew there was no way back now. Nothing of this is said out loud to Clint.

Clint expresses reservations, fearing S.H.I.E.L.D. may not accept them after defying orders. He also reveals internal conflict about leaving his loyalty behind. In a moment of carelessness, he also mentions the code name Mockingbird, which Natasha recognises from her former missions. She doesn't know of the connection the woman has with Clint, though.

They ultimately decide to trust Yulia, recognizing their need for help.

Meeting her in a bustling Budapest café, they learn about a covert extraction point arranged by an unknown benefactor. Hesitantly, they agree, aware of the risks. The journey to the extraction point involves tense encounters with Red Room agents and Budapest's criminal underworld. We see a lot of flashbacks from both Clint's and Natasha's past.

Reaching the extraction point, the benefactor is revealed to be Nick Fury, who was observing them from the shadows. He offers Natasha a deal: join S.H.I.E.L.D. and use her skills against threats like the Red Room in exchange for protection and a new identity.

Her choice is disrupt by a Red Room attack. In the ensuing chaos, she confronts a former trainer, reveal ing the Red Room's true reach and sinister objectives. She is given one last choice to stay by their side, as she always had. The one speaking is no other than Melina. Natasha looks for Yelena in the other widows, but she isn't there.

"I never wanted to be your agent" she says to them, in English, altough she was adressed in Russian. "But I can become your worst mistake".

In a burst of action, the fight begins again. Yulia sacrifices herself, offerings the others a chance to escape.

Leaving Budapest on a S.H.I.E.L.D plane, changed by everything that happened, Natasha accept Fury's offer, haunted by ghosts of her past but determined to forge a new path.

The closing scenes show Maria Hill, adressing one intriguing question to Clint and Natasha.

"Have you ever heard about the Avengers initiative?"

[thesillydoll]

GOS2 SPOILERS

Theory #??? What, 4?

Well.

While crying over how beautiful Ineffable Bureaucracy was, I commented that Anna seemed very socially awkward, and Shelley seemed more forthcoming. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful to Anna or her Beelzebub, in fact I love it. I feel very identified. However, it also seemed strange to me. Why did it change so much?

I mean, we were supposed to have an explanation for Beelzebub's new face, but we only got "They needed a change" "This old thing?" and other comments.

I remember we all talked about how Beelzebub tried to smile in s1. They made strange gestures with them mouth, grimaces, which we collectively interpret as 'attempted smile'.

But now they can smile and make sheep eyes?

I mean, they're in love, that shit (love) does weird things to you. it changes you . . I guess. (See this from my more aromantic side.) But this is all very 'Female Makeover Trope'. . . If we were in some cis comedy. We are not ( i doubt Neil knows what straight means) and I feel that there is something beyond Beel's face/personality change.

They're still Lord Beelzebub and terrifies everyone. Their first meeting with Gabe after the nopocalypse is fluid, somewhat tense, but much more bearable than their previous conversation.

How do we go from our Beelzebub, who we love being socially awkward, to Beelzebub pulling a fly off his tongue? (Very attractive, sorry).

Shelley is amazing, very romantic. Gabe is the one who doesn't know how to feel. A different dynamic than what we would think of Anna with Jon. I can imagine Anna, doing something different. Straighter in the chair, always pending and alert. Looking up at Gabe with those amazing, cold blue eyes. Struggling to smile. Anna and Jon are the definition of Dark curls/ Watercolors eyes. (Gabe at Job's, he's very dark curls, and Beel, well, watercolor eyes) Also, Gabe smiles with all his teeth, as the song says, and the dynamic 'How to smile without looking like a serial killer, 101' would be very beautiful.

I understand. They'll say "Shelley wanted to do her thing". But the script is very precise about its intimacy. The flashbacks wouldn't be the same if Shelley didn't have those beautiful sheep eyes.

Also, Neil made canon a couple taken from fanfictions. 6 minutes was enough for us hahaha. I'm sure Neil had at least a general idea of how we handle Beel in the fics. He wanted to make his own story, but it doesn't seem consistent with the character of the first season.

(I repeat, we know little about Beel, but they're an exceptional demon in many ways compared to the dump they runs.)

My crazy theory, here we go, is that Beel was planning on running off with Gabe. They even seems to hint that they would give their position to Crowley, and they are desperate to find Gabriel. And Gabriel makes warnings regarding something that he should give to Aziraphale and that never materializes.

Beelzebub seems to have planned everything to run at the slightest opportunity. Even knowing about the 'extreme sanctions' for those who help Gabriel, (being erased from the Book of Life), they're run the risk.

Or they just changed their faces just bc. Who knows? Maybe, Neil. Probably, Neil.

It would be a shame not to fix these small "fails/spots" (I don't think Neil or Douglas make it) in the third.

Something must have disturbed Satan and God (or her voice) for them to come together. We know that after they fell in love, they had their own ideas about the Nopocalypse. Gabriel refused to destroy the Earth, mostly because it was their dollhouse.

I mean, they saw an angel endure the flames of Hell and a demon swim in holy water. I would have erased them from the Book of Life and continued with the war.

Maybe God intervened. We do not know. But it should have been talked about. Maybe that's why Gabe and Beel needed to get together. Perhaps the plan was to destroy Zira and Crowley. Or investigate at least.

What doesn't surprise me is Beel's taste in music. They have the best artists in Hell, surely they went through the Bach's torture at some time.

Those kinds of things seem congruent to me. What turns out that the script in general seems incoherent to me.

What do you think? I'm on my 4th cup of coffee and haven't slept in quite a while. I'm going crazy?

Either way, if you read my verbiage, I expect responses.

Kisses, Tor.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Kicho's Main Story Ch. 13 Part 2 Dramatic

These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support cybird by buying their stories. SPOILERS under the cut.

This is a rushed translation, so expect a lot of mistakes. I'll edit this later.

The next morning, still filled with happiness, I was again surrounded by tension.

Mai: "Ugh, my stomach hurts."

Ranmaru: "Lady Mai, are you okay?

Masamune: "What, did you pick up some food somewhere?"

Mai: "No, I didn't. Why would I even do that?"

Ieyasu: "Yeah. Why would she do that?"

Ieyasu nodded and glanced back.

There, between Nobunaga and Mitsuhide, was Kicho.

(I was so relieved that I completely forgot about the alliance.)

Earlier this morning, Nobunaga and Mitsuhide came into the tent just when I finished changing his bandages.

------------Flashback------------

Nobunaga: "All reports are in, and we have determined that this matter has been resolved. Therefore, this is the end of our agreement."

Mitsuhide: "Kicho. You'll come with us to Azuchi."

Kicho: "Yeah."

---------Flashback Ends---------

(Kicho betrayed the Oda forces before and was also the main culprit in the attack on Azuchi Castle.)

(It's okay that Motonari got away, but it doesn't mean this didn't happen.)

(I guess the punishment for rebellion in this era is death.)

Just thinking about it makes me want to run away with Kicho from this place right now.

(Wait, no. There's no guarantee that we can escape. And if we do, we'll be in more serious trouble.)

(More importantly, the other party is the Oda army, so we'd better have a discussion.)

Mai: "Alright!"

Ieyasu: "It's fine to feel motivated, but don't think of anything crazy."

Mai: "What?"

(Crap. Did he notice it in my voice?)

Masamune: "Mai. When we get back to the castle, I'll make you some delicious stew."

Masamune: "I'll make you something else you like, so think about what you want."

Ieyasu: "Then I'll have to come up with all kinds of reckless excuses with you."

Ieyasu: "I'll check your injuries and give you some medicine later."

Mai: "Guys..."

Ranmaru: "Uh-oh. Lady Mai, it looks like you have a lot to keep you busy before you leave."

Ranmaru: "Everyone in the Oda army is so nice to you."

Mai: "Yup."

(That's why I'm tempted to let them spoil me.)

(Even though I saw the castle without Tenshu with my own eyes, I can't help but hope that they would forgive Kicho.)

Mai: "Huh?"

(The tenshu is there.)

Arriving safely in Azuchi, I saw Azuchi Castle before it got destroyed.

Mitsunari and Keiji came to meet us, and they both laughed at my reaction.

Mitsunari: "Lady Mai, you seem surprised."

Mai: "Yes. Um, when did you fix it?"

Mitsunari: "After the attack, Lord Hideyoshi immediately started repairing the damage."

Mitsunari: "It's not yet finished, but from this angle, it looks just like it used to be."

Keiji: "How did you manage to get this far while keeping the rebellion at bay when there's so much chaos in Japan?"

Hideyoshi: "Well, we can't leave Lord Nobunaga's castle like that."

Mai: "Hideyoshi!"

Hideyoshi: "Welcome back, Mai. You did a good job."

Mai: "Yes. I'm back."

Hideyoshi gently smiled as he patted me on the head.

Masamune: "Hey, we should get going. If we stop here for too long, we'll fall behind."

Mai: "Oh, right."

(We're at the castle, which means it's time to go.)

Taking a deep breath, I went on into the castle.

Nobunaga: "We're all here."

Nobunaga looked at the assembled warlords and spoke up.

The atmosphere in the hall was quiet and tense, a far cry from the friendly atmosphere earlier.

Kicho, sitting in front of Nobunaga, was also not particularly resisting.

(I'm still nervous to talk in this room, but I can't just stay silent.)

Mai: "Excuse me, Nobunaga. May I?"

Nobunaga: "What is it?"

Mai: "Please permit a discussion regarding the punishment of Kicho's treason."

Mai: "Please!"

I put my hands on the tatami mat and bowed my head, but...

Nobunaga: "There's no need for that."

Nobunaga: "I've already spoken with this man about the rebellion."

(Oh no. So he's not gonna change his decision now?)

(At this rate, Kicho will...)

Nobunaga: "Continue to serve as director of the trading post."

Mai: "!?"

Kicho: "Understood."

Still surprised, he then bowed his head.

Nobunaga: "I'm not trying to be merciful. You're a useful man."

Nobunaga: "I'll surely achieve my goal, so do your best to make it happen."

Kicho: "Yes, sir."

(Thank God.)

Relieved, I let out a deep breath and put my hand on my chest.

Nobunaga: "But there will be no next time."

Nobunaga: "If I hear anything from Mai, I'll cut off your head immediately."

Mai: "What? Me?"

Nobunaga: "That's right. According to the reports, you were doing well at the trading post."

Nobunaga glanced at Mitsuhide and quickly returned his gaze to me.

Nobunaga: "Even though you're not in this castle, you're still my lucky charm."

Nobunaga: "Go to Sakai with Kicho."

Mai: "Okay! Thank you."

(I'm happy. I can be with Kicho from now on.)

Mitsunari: "Lady Mai, why are you thanking him?"

Ieyasu: "You don't need to know, so shut up."

Hideyoshi: "Wait. You'll have to explain it all to me later."

Masamune: "I think it might be quicker to ask her directly than Ieyasu."

Mai: "Eh?"

(Right. I haven't told anyone except Mitsuhide.)

Mai: "Actually, we're in a relationship."

Mitsunari: "So you two are in love!"

Hideyoshi: "I didn't hear anything about it. When did you two fall in love?"

Hideyoshi: "No, more importantly, Kicho, can you really take care of Mai?"

Kicho: "Of course. I will cherish and love her more than anything else."

Kicho: "She will always be my one and only from now on."

Mai: "..........."

My heart skipped a beat when he said this with a serious look in his eyes.

(What's with the air? It really tickles.)

Mai: "Anyway, thanks for recognizing us, everyone!"

Ieyasu: "Recognize, huh?"

Keiji: "Gotcha. I'll keep it in mind, don't worry!"

Ranmaru: "Well, now that Lord Kicho's fate has been decided and their relationship has been revealed, shall we get started?"

Mai: "Start? What's going on?"

Mitsunari: "We're having a feast since everything has been taken care of, and both you and Lord Kicho have returned."

Mai: "I see. Well, you have a lot of stuff to carry, so I'll help!"

(I think this may be the first time I've volunteered to participate.)

(I'm sure the feast with my loved ones will be fun.)

I quickly got up and followed Ranmaru and the others as they went to get ready.

Two months later...

Kicho: "Mai, are you ready?"

Mai: "I'm coming!"

I rushed out of the trading post, carrying a large bag, and Kicho, who was waiting for me, snatched the bag out of my hand.

Mai: “Sorry, thanks.”

Kicho: “Are you nervous?”

Mai: “A little.”

(I never thought I’d have a chance to become a designer, even in this era.)

(I need to make today’s sales pitch a success to make my dream come true.)

After he and I returned to Sakai, I continued to work as his secretary.

I met again with a woman who had been to the party before, and she expressed an interest in the clothes I made after I told her about the outfit Kicho was wearing.

(I drew a lot of designs for today.)

(No, I had been doing what I could long before that.)

Kicho: “It’s gonna be okay. Your efforts will pay off.”

Kicho: “You fell and got broken before, but you didn't give up.”

Mai: "Kicho..."

???: "See you later!"

Mai: "-----!"

I looked up when I heard a cheerful voice coming from the upstairs window and saw two children leaning over, waving their little hands in our direction.

Kicho: "Don't put your head outside the window. It'd be dangerous if you fell."

Children: "Okay!"

Mai: "Those kids were here today, too."

Kicho: "Yeah. Fuku really is popular. Lately, they often come to visit her."

Mai: "Then, Fuku is going to learn a lot of words thanks to those two."

The twins we met in the village also came here from Azuchi with us after reuniting with their mother.

Apparently, one of Kicho's business associates was looking for a worker, so he hired her.

I was really happy they found a new place to live and to see them smiling as they happily told me about their life.

Boy: "Miss Mai, I'm rooting for you!"

Girl: "That weird kimono was so cute."

Mai: "Thank you, guys. I'll do my best!"

Waving back, I returned my gaze ahead, and Kicho offered his hand to me.

Kicho: "Let's go, Mai."

Mai: "Okay!"

By the time we returned to the trading post after the business meeting, the sky was already turning red.

Kicho: "That was a good impression. With that, I'm sure you'll be getting requests soon."

Mai: "I'd be happy if that's the case. I can't wait to make it already."

(They were happy with all the designs I brought.)

(As I thought, this is really my dream.)

My heart was still loudly pounding as I put my palms around my chest, wanting to remember everything about this feeling.

Kicho's subordinate: "Lord Kicho, Lady Mai, I've been waiting for you."

Kicho: "Is something wrong?"

Kicho's subordinate: "Someone sent letters to each of you."

(Ah!)

The letter I received had a glasses symbol on it.

(This is from Sasuke!)

(This is probably his response to the letter I asked Mitsuhide to send to him before I left for Sakai.)

"Mai, it's been a long time. Thanks for the letter."

"I was also affected by the change in history. I was worried about you, so I'm glad to know you're okay."

"I've got a lot going on here too, but it's gonna take me a while to write it down."

"I'll come to see you again so we can talk. I look forward to your continued support of the Sarutobi delivery service."

(I see. Sasuke is also safe.)

(I wonder what he means by a lot going on. Next time we meet, I'll ask about the people around him.)

Mai: "Mine was from a friend. Who did you get it from?"

Kicho: ".........."

He said nothing and turned the letter in his hand toward me.

(It's blank. There's not a single letter written on it.)

Surprised, I then flipped it over to see the sender's name.

Mai: "Shojumaru?"

Mai: "Wait. Motonari?"

???: "You sure remember it well."

Mai: "!?"

I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice and saw the very person who had sent the letter, Shojumaru, or rather, Motonari.

Kicho: "What do you want?"

Motonari: "Ha! What a shitty way to start an emotional reunion."

Motonari: "I heard that you came back to this trading post, so I came all the way here to see you."

Motonari: "Mr. Director. Let's continue to get along as business partners, shall we?"

Motonari took a few steps closer to us and squinted his blood-red eyes.

Motonari: "I'll be watching on the sidelines. If you have another way, prove it to me. If it didn't work, I would destroy it all."

(Perhaps Kicho's words gave him a lot to think about.)

Kicho: "I see. Do whatever you want."

Kicho: "But if you interfere with my path, I won't tolerate it."

Motonari: "As I thought, you haven't changed."

Motonari: "Now that it's settled, let me hit you one last time."

Kicho: "Ha?"

Suddenly, Motonari took out a club with countless spikes on it.

(Where did he get that thing!?)

Motonari: "I don't trust anyone from the start, and people like you really piss me off."

Mai: "Wait! Don't fight!"

???: "Kicho!"

Motonari & Kicho: "----!"

A small shadow flew in from the sky to protect Kicho from Motonari.

Mai: "Fuku!? What about the birdcage!?"

Kicho: "The twins probably left it open."

Mai: "This is a serious matter. Motonari, let's call it a truce for now!"

Motonari: "Ha?"

Fuku: "Osoto!"

Kicho: "Hey, don't get excited and fly off on your own."

Kicho: "We have no choice. Let's split up and catch Fuku."

Mai: "Okay. I'll go get the birdcage!"

Kicho: "I'm counting on you. I'll go after Fuku with Motonari."

Motonari: "Ha? Why me?"

Mai: "When you find Fuku, please raise that club in the air as you run."

Mai: "Then I'll go over there!"

Kicho: "Yeah, that's a good marker for sure. Okay, let's go."

Motonari: "I'll get back at you bastards later."

A moment later一

Mai: "I'm glad Fuku is safe."

Kicho: "True. It's all thanks to the club Motonari was holding."

Kicho: "Fuku liked it so much that she flew over it herself."

Mai: "Hehe, I'm glad we found a peaceful use for it."

Motonari sighed when he saw Fuku happy, handed me the club, and left.

As for Fuku, she was now sleeping in my room.

(It was another busy and fun day.)

Kicho: "You look happy, Mai."

Mai: “Oh. Am I smiling?”

Mai: “I’m happy because today was fun.”

Kicho: “I see. You’re that happy, huh?”

Smiling softly, he picked me up, carried me straight to his bed, and gently lowered me onto his lap.

Mai: “Um?”

Kicho: “You can stay in my room tonight instead of going back to your room.”

Mai: “Is it because of Fuku?”

Kicho: “No. I just wanted to hold you in my arms like this.”

(Ah...)

After saying that, he hugged me, making my heart pound.

Mai: “Oh, yeah. We’ve been busy since we got here that we haven’t spent much time together like this.”

Mai: “Though we were together at work.”

Kicho: “Yeah. That’s why I got this new bed.”

Kicho: “We can sleep together in this one.”

Mai: “That’s...!”

Kicho: “From now on, you can come to my room as you like.”

Kicho: “I have nothing more to hide from you.”

Mai: “Kicho...”

He brushed my cheek and lifted my chin. His lust-filled eyes were so close to mine that my heartbeat quickened.

Mai: “Nn...”

A sweet, numbing sensation ran through my body as he kissed me.

I wanted him so badly that my feelings almost overflowed with just one kiss.

Eventually, he slowly pulled away, and our gazes entwined again as he narrowed his eyes at me.

Kicho: “What would you do if the wormhole opened up again?”

Mai: “Huh?”

Kicho: “When I time-slipped, I learned how to observe it to return to the turbulent world.”

Kicho: “If the future has returned, the wormhole may reappear again.”

Kicho: “If you want, I一”

Mai: “No.”

I put my finger to his mouth and shook my head.

Mai: "I told you, remember? I said I want to be by your side forever."

Mai: "I've already decided my path, and I don't intend to change it now."

Mai: "I want to be here."

(I truly believe this is where I belong. I want to live with him.)

Kicho: "I see."

His hands around my waist gently undid my obi, letting my kimono fall from my shoulders, and our lust-filled eyes entwined as we greedily exposed each other's bare skin.

Mai: "Nn..."

My heart started beating faster as our warmth overlapped, and we felt each other's touch.

Kicho: "It looks like I was a bad listener."

Kicho: "I should have said I wanted you to be there for me no matter what."

Mai: "Kicho..."

Kicho: "I never wanted love, never had the desire for it, and never knew anything about it, but you gave me something that never existed, not even in shadow or form."

With these words, he entwined his left hand with my fingers.

Kicho: "I'll love you with everything I have, and we will live through together until the end of our lives."

Mai: "Yes."

It's not easy to live.

Each of us has different feelings, and while repeatedly feeling happiness and pain, we are all moving forward, trying our best to stay on the road ahead of us.

(But amidst that path, I want to face it, me, him, and something ahead of us that I don't know yet.)

So that I wouldn't miss anything important and so that I could love him wholeheartedly.

Kicho: "Mai, I love you."

Mai: "I love you too, Kicho."

I will live in this era with my loved ones and remain myself for the rest of my life.

Previous Part╏Masterlist╏Epilogue

[visitorjon456]

Murder Drones Ep. 7 Rant Review

Before I get started I just want to say that I respect Liam Vickers/Glitch and co for always trying to put their all into these indie animations shows and bringing them into the light for us all to watch in either awe, amazement or entertainment. But as much as I appreciate their efforts I can't say that the Murder Drones series is flawless nor the handling of certain episode storytelling is good. I'm going to start with the few things that I liked about the episode:

The Good

Mitchell keeping Yeva out of the Cathedral due to immediately noticing the Sentinels disappearances and figuring out somethings up.

J's brief graceful flying paired with Eternal Dream+Techno music as she leaves in the ship.

Typical walking away scene as explosions set off behind them.

The Nori+N vs. Cyn/Uzi fight was kind of cool but I feel like any actual serious/tense moments were wasted due to N not giving it his all in the fight and finally accepting that he has to brutally kill Uzi now.

Khan showing up with a replica of Uzi's railgun and being not nonplused about being lifted into the air or what's happening to the planet at large.

Now that's out of the way; moving on to the bad parts...

The Bad

I hope when episode 8 comes around that Glitch will have a new Murder Drones intro that will feature V along side N and Uzi because I don't know why they couldn't just add Uzi along the previous intros, besides the crew wanting to be silly/mischievous, before episode 7 dropped. I'm not exactly hanged up on it but I do hope it does get changed though.

I'm pretty much always going to die on this hill and say that ep. 7 should have been an almost or full on flashback episode that heavily features the Cabin Fever Test Subjects, particularly Alice, Yeva and Nori, and the Humans as well. The reason for this is because I'm a firm believer that even if you have a small group of main protags of a show/novel that doesn't mean that the spotlight should be fully on them 24/7 and not have any of that be given to side characters that can be just as interesting as the protagonists.

Most importantly of all I want to see how each character was using there Solver powers and how Nori was the most practiced when using it.

I don't like the fact that Nori is just Uzi 2.0 but older and seemingly a bit more mature than Uzi. I would rather headcanon her a egoist, self-assured, aggressive, lack of empathy, talented Solver Host that was sometimes given special privileges by the Humans and the one who deliberately caused the Core Collapse on Copper-9 and almost all of it done without being Solver-possessed.

I dislike the fact that Liam Vickers finds it funny and acceptable to portray Humans as this almost technologically backwards/advanced, idiotic, and bad decision making civilization in Murder Drones. To really illustrate my irritation with this matter; the complete beginning of episode 7: You can't tell me that all those scientists are literally trying to get Nori/Solver under control but not have any 3-4 Solver Test Subjects that are either in the Cathedral with them or just outside the doors, waiting.

And seriously, the Humans have all the Test Subjects wrapped up in chains and stuffed into lockers instead of in high-security rooms. Really, Liam.

I hate how Liam has made Uzi so unbearably emotionally dumb and vulnerable just so things can happen easier within the episode instead of working towards it properly. Like, it's understandable that Uzi starts to get upset and a bit defensive towards N and "Tessa" but she should know better then to keep using the Solver in her state but also to completely go off on her own through the tunnels. It doesn't help matters that N is also forced to be an idiot at times and didn't immediately run to Uzi's side in order to not be separate from each other due to the dangers of the tunnels.

I fucking hate you Liam. You are going to force J to job really hard against three minor characters. Don't even think about it. My heart goes out to you J.

Again the Nori+N vs. Cyn/Uzi fight was okay-ish but is heavily held back with the fact that N won't do what he needs to do and brutally put Uzi down for good.

Just like how I give my condolences to J for what's going to happen to her in the next episode, I also feel sorry for both Tessa and Doll as the former is possibly being worn as a still living skinsuit and the latter got her chest cavity torn out but also got her Core eaten. Of course given the merch leaks we will probably see Doll again in ep. 8.

Liam once again making characters emotionally stupid with Uzi footballing her mother into the fleshy hell pit and N doing fuck all about.

Literally seeing Uzi and N screaming and slowly coming towards each other to hug is the single most over the top thing in this episode and I hope both of them die for it.

Overall this episode is just a 4.8/10 honestly.

[emeritus-moon]

{ENGLISH} Young!Papa Nihil x Angel!Gn!Reader

Request : None

Gender : Neutral

Who : Papa Nihil | Papa Zero (Young)

N/A : {SPOIL Ghost - Chapter Eight} Can we talk about Papa Nihil? I think he's a lovely man... And despite his mistake that we can see in Chapter Eight - Kiss the Go-Goat, we can see that he regrets his actions and that he is ready to do anything to make up for it... Yes, I'm naive and I defend this little grandpa, but at the same time when he doesn't smile like a child fascinated and happy with anything, he gives a sad face that breaks my heart ! We see that he is filled with guilt and that he gives his all but in vain... (and honestly, I am convinced that if the Sister Empress were not there... Nihil would not have killed her sons... But that's my opinion, everyone has their own!) Also, I hesitate to do a part two where I include Sister Imperator.. Or I reserve another idea of ​​Papa Nihil x Reader with her. Because I'm imagining a little story with Nihil who doesn't want to hurt you but doesn't want to disappoint the Sister either. It's up to you to tell me!

- - - : Timeskip

~ ~ ~ : Flashback

- - -

Your name is Y/N. An Angel who never ages, whose physical appearance is stuck at an age between 20 and 30 years old.

Many months ago :

~~~

You have been sent by your God to try to correct the faults of a young man who is nicknamed Papa Nihil. Well, that's what the community of his religion calls him. You just called him Nihil. And it is still the case today.

However, your mission was a failure...                                    Why?

Because you fell in love with the man you had to change, or punish... And this feeling guided you a lot in questioning yourself, well especially questioning your work...

Your God had sent you to teach a lesson or give correction to Nihil, but how would punishing help to do good? If ultimately, the act is not a good thing.

What seemed logical to you, at that moment of reflection, was to accept the young man as he was, so you did it without hesitation.

You did and followed what seemed to you to be the best, the most stable, finally, what makes more sense for you.

Your opinion is, no religion is perfect, in the end, each of them has its positive points as well as its negative points... And if you accepted many other religions in addition to your own, why not this one? What is more or less?

The day of your "mission", at the start, you had been sent in disguise, you wore the same uniform, the same symbols. However, you didn't have the same makeup... You didn't even have any at all.

But Nihil welcomed you with open arms and you infiltrated very quickly among the other members of the abbey. Despite a few inconveniences and the rituals you weren't used to, you got used to it quickly. After all, it had to...

The few friends you made made you up and taught you how to do it every morning until you got used to it. They helped you feel at home, despite the work you had to do every day. And it wasn't so bad.

Since your arrival, Nihil was always around. That's what your new "colleagues" pointed out to you.

He wasn't suspicious, no... He seemed fascinated and happy.

Everyday, he used to be tense due to the endless work he had been carrying on his back for a long time. But since you arrived in the abbey, just your presence has brightened his day in this cold building.

~~~

Tonight, as you prepare to return to your quarters after washing up, Nihil calls you. And, turning back to him, you then see the fascination with your unmade-up face, as he saw you the first time, and his shy smile forming as he gently extends his hand towards you before to propose :

"- Can I take you for a ride, Y/N?

"- Papa Nihil, I'm not dressed properly for a cold night at the abbey!" you laugh.

Nihil, seeing that you are only in a long but light dressing gown, then grabbed his cape which he is carrying on his back and he helps you put it on your shoulders.

After a while, you accept his offer when you see his sweet gaze almost begging you. So you go out.

- - -

Nihil took you to the Abbey Gardens. Magnificent gardens filled with dark red or white roses, some flowers of different kinds of the same color or black. This garden, your peers would surely not appreciate it, but you do it.

The young man called Papa stopped on a bridge over a river in the terrace, which surprised you a bit and, honestly, worried you. But your worry disappears when you see him smile softly at you as he grabs your hands and kisses the knuckles of one of them.

A blush quickly spreads over your cheeks and you pray with all your heart that Nihil didn't notice.

The man looks at you straight in the eyes, and says in a hurry :

"- I'm not going to cut corners... I'm not hiding from you that I don't want to confess. So just- let me... Will you?"

After his words, you feel his lips rest against yours.

The kiss is sweet, Nihil can almost convey his stress from it, but you ignore that little detail and all you do is melt into the kiss.

Your act reassured Nihil and the man relaxes before interlacing his fingers with yours as you always hold hands.

The kiss got a little deeper, but neither of you made it rough, both of you wanting to take your time.

His lips taste like makeup, due to the makeup he still wears on his face, but the taste isn't strong or disturbing. And then, in your eyes, it's quite original, and Nihil is the only one wearing makeup that you know, apart from the sisters of the abbey, so that makes him, in a way, unique.

After a while, you separate, quietly catching your breath. A silence settled, but this one is not awkward.

You put your foreheads together and your eyes close.

But suddenly, one thing comes to mind : your different "camps"...

This worried you quickly and made you anxious right away, which surprised Nihil who tries somehow to calm you down with soft and reassuring words. And that's when you decide to tell him...

"- Nihil... We can't...

- Amore... Why...?

- I-I-I lied...

- Lied?

- I-I'm not a simple girl who wanted to convert to your religion! I'm not a sister like the others in the abbey... I-I-"

Your eyes met, Nihil's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but you don't see any anger in his eyes, you just see him trying to understand, but failing. So you explain everything to him briefly, but correctly.

"- I was sent by my God... Their goal was to reconvert you, you, to them. It was my job to attract you to us! Because supposedly... you are different, and for them , being different is wrong. But in the end, what's wrong with being different? I mean... We all are! I can't take this pressure anymore... I can't take you anymore. do that, I'd rather give up my mission than change you against your will! And because- because I love you like you are Daddy!"

A new silence had settled. Pressure followed, and it was too much for you.

You fall on your knees, Nihil's cape slipping off your shoulders. You felt the cold outside deepen and slap on your not much covered back, but you did nothing to protect yourself from the cold. All you do, right now, is hide your face behind your hands. You dare not look Nihil in the eyes anymore, feeling shame surround you with its unhealthy aura.

After several seconds that felt like an awful eternity, you felt the cape slowly come up over your shoulders.

Raising your head with hesitation, you met Nihil's face again. He then gave you a small smile. After this, you collapse again and fall into his arms, taking him by surprise.

This doesn't mean that he rejects you, no, on the contrary. Nihil sits properly on the floor and pulls you closer to him, hugging you gently, as if you could shatter into a thousand pieces in his arms.

You stay for several minutes, sitting on the cold and slightly damp deck until your crying stops.

After just a few gasping sounds, Nihil gently grabs your chin to lift your face towards him :

"- Looks like you've made a sin, Tesoro."

A smile once again tender, but at the same time sly, slips on his lips. A blush appears again on your face and this time, it does not go unnoticed by Papa Nihil.

The man laughs before leaning down and kissing your lips.

The kiss ends faster than the previous one and Nihil looks you straight in the eye, this time holding your face in his hands.

"- I will accept you as you are, as you did for me Y/N."

You did not have time to answer, that he once again shared his lips with yours. You then decide to stay on deck for a while, enjoying the silence and tranquility offered by the night.

You will surely have problems with your colleagues... But it doesn't matter if they reject you, since Nihil does not.

After all...

...you accept yourself as you are.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Hazardous Spirits. By Anbara Salam. Tin House, 2023.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: In 1920s Edinburgh, Scotland, Evelyn Hazard is a young, middle-class housewife living the life she’s always expected―until her husband Robert upends everything with a startling announcement: he can communicate with the dead.

As the couple is pulled into the spiritualist movement―an underground, occult society of ritual and magic that emerged following the mass deaths of the Spanish Flu and First World War―Evelyn’s carefully composed world begins to unravel. And when long-held secrets from her past threaten to come to the surface, presenting her with the prospect of losing all she holds dear, Evelyn finds herself unable to avoid the question: is the man she loves a fraud, a madman or―most frighteningly―is he telling the truth?

Cloaked in a moody, beguiling backdrop of twentieth-century Scotland, Anbara Salam’s Hazardous Spirits brings a sparkling sense of period detail and dry humor to the life of a young woman calibrating her place in a changing world, and her shifting relationship with a man she thought she knew.

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: none?

Overview: This book appeared on a list of anticipated historical fiction books for 2023, so I figured I'd give it a go. I really enjoyed the premise of this book and I wondered what spiritualism in the 1920s might look like (since a lot of my familiarity is with 19th century spiritualism). Overall, though, I found this book to be a bit bland. It has a lot of fascinating potential, but with a grating protagonist and a plot that doesn't so much develop as it does meander, I can only give it 2.5 stars.

Writing: Salam's prose is genrally pretty good on a sentence and paragraph level. It flows easily and clearly describes the actions of the scene, and there are some moments when I was completely taken with the atmosphere.

However, I do think some things could be improved. For one, Salam tends to overuse certain phrases, such as "chewing her finger/lip" or "her stomach gurgled" when Evelyn is uneasy. It gave me the impression that Evelyn had digestive issues. For two, some of the transitions between present and flashback are a little abrupt and confusing. It might have helped if Salam changed tenses or something to signal we were entering the past.

Also (and this might be a nitpicky thing), I was a little disappointed that the setting didn't play more of a role. This book is set in the 1920s and Salam makes a point of bringing up both the Great War and the Spanish Flu epidemic, but personally, I didn't feel like either calamity was a kind of spectre hanging over the characters and influencing how they reacted to things. It's a shame, since that period is ripe for nuanced discussions of death and grief.

Plot: The plot of this book follows Evelyn Hazard, a 1920s housewife whose life is turned upside down when her husband, Robert, declares that he can communicate with the dead. As Robert becomes more and more involved in the spiritualist movement, Evelyn becomes more and more uneasy, torn between her fear that Robert might be participating in a scam or worse... that he might be telling the truth.

On paper, this plot seems like a great opportunity for exploring the uneasiness that comes with uncertainty. On top of that, Evelyn has something of a family secret - something about her dead sister, Dolly - that threatens to destroy her life, and I'm always a sucker for a well-to-do family with a dark past.

However, a lot of the suspense was killed (at least for me) because Evelyn's uncertainty doesn't quite create narrative tension until the last 50 pages or so. Until then, this book feels like a character study, which would have been great except we aren't necessarily shown the stakes of Evelyn's character arc or made to want what she wants. Part of the hurdle might be because Salam doesn't provide much backstory or context to her characters; without that orientation, I felt I was given little reason to care about whether or not Robert could actually commune with spirits or whether or not Evelyn advanced in society. There aren't any scenes that show us why Evelyn personally cares so much about other people's opinions, and there wasn't a reason for me to care whether or not people thought less of her for Robert's spiritualism. Spiritualism is supposedly taboo amongst "respectable" families, but Evelyn makes a lot of rich friends who are super into seances and the like. There might have been some evolution in her opinion of her friends and her desire for respectability again, but even so, that mainly comes in the last 100 pages. As a result, a lot of Evelyn's concerns about appearances and respectability come across as shallow, and we don't really grapple with that shallowness until the very end.

With such a vague sense of direction, I couldn't quite decide if this book was supposed to be some kind of 1920s disillusionment novel or a historical fiction book about grief and appearances. While some ambiguity and overlap regarding genre, message, and tone is ok, I felt like I struggled to discern what this book was trying to do and what kind of story it wanted to tell. It definitely wasn't spooky, which is fine, but it also didn't feel like it was delving too deeply into the nuances of grief, social class, or spiritualism. Salam does try to insert a more coherent theme in the last 50 pages or so, but the plot up until that point felt so loose that it was hard to see each scene as building up to a moment of (narrative) crisis.

Characters: Evelyn, our protagonist, was a bit irritating in that she didn't seem to have any strong motivations or desires. While she seems concerned about appearances to some degree, her concerns came across as shallow and we don't quite have the time to grapple with that shallowness. She also seems constantly distracted and thinks some rather rude thoughts about people, and when she does have strong emotions or is flustered, she reads more like a naive girl than a grown woman. As a result, it was hard for me to get a handle on her and figure out exactly what her arc was about. Salam doesntry to fit a theme in towards the end, perhaps about Evelyn standing up for her own desires, but I didnt feel like the rest of the book did a good job of supporting a character arc.

Robert, Evelyn's husband, was clearly a man who was eager to help others while also desperately wanting to keep Evelyn happy. While I wasn't really clear on the status of Robert and Evie's relationship (they never really felt like a loving couple), I do think Robert was shown to be someone who would jump at any chance to please his wife. But even so, it was hard to see Robert as multi-faceted because his mien was so golden retriever-like. Even when he got kind of snippy towards the end of the book, I felt like the change was abrupt and Salam could have shown Robert's pursuit of fame and attention through a more gradual change in demeanor.

Kitty, Evelyn's younger sister, was perhaps the most well-written character in that she served a clear purpose. She was constantly brushing off Robert's spiritualism and reassuring Evelyn of its harmlessness, all while offering support during rough patches in the narrative. Kitty's scenes also did a good job showcasing the tension between (and within) middle class families, so I felt like her scenes could have been used a lot more purposefully to create doubt or unease in contrast to the spiritualism.

Vikram and the rich crowd were kind of fun in an eccentric, decadent story of way, but it was admittedly hard to keep track of them all. Some of these side characters were written better than others; the best was certainly Flossie, who was a skeptic and formed a complex relationship with Evelyn.

My biggest problem with a lot of the side characters, though, is that a lot of them seemed like they could have had compelling arcs, but most of them just kind of fizzled out once the plot about the missing boy took center stage. Some of these minor character threads felt unfinished, but maybe that was intentional. I don't know.

TL;DR: Hazardous Spirits has a lot of potential to be a deeply compelling book about spiritualism and appearances in the 1920s, but is ultimately held back by an unclear narrative direction and an irritating protagonist. While I can see some of the themes Salam was trying to explore, I personally didn't feel like everything came together in a satisfying way, and I wish more work had been put into building up a stronger narrative.

[practically-an-x-man]

2, 4, 6?

Thank you!!

A writer's ask meme has appeared!

2. What is a recurrent theme or fascination in your work?

Definitely the idea of a hero's journey permanently changing or affecting the hero, often in physical ways. Many of my characters end their stories with some kind of physical disability brought on by the traumas of their journeys - Ophelia's bad knee, Katherine's hand tremors, Robin's lingering TBI effects (e.g migraines, flashbacks and night terrors, occasional balance issues), Indigo's pacemaker, etc.. - and the closing of their story is often about learning to navigate these new challenges (and being supported by their loved ones as they do).

It's a combination of two things, I think. One, I feel like the hero's journey is worthless if it doesn't have a lasting impact on the hero, so my heroes usually have both mental and physical development by the time they've completed their journey. And two... I have genetic mutations and chronic joint problems myself, and they've been progressively getting worse over time. The idea of a character learning to cope with new disabilities, and more importantly being supported and loved unconditionally as they do, is something incredibly personal to me, and I can't help but work it into many of my stories.

4. What inspires you?

Oh, so many things. I don't even know that I have one specific inspiration for what I write, it's just this ongoing combination of themes I see in movies, books I read, songs I like, conversations with friends, or even just walking around or riding in the car and thinking about how I'd describe what I see. I don't think I've ever really run out of inspiration for things to write, at least not entirely. In fact, I have way more ideas than I'll ever be able to write, since I'm constantly getting inspiration but don't have the time to get all those ideas down on the page.

6. Favorite POV and tense to write in?

I always write in past tense - I tried to write in present tense for my first X-Men fic, but it just didn't flow and I ended up going back and changing the tenses after only half a chapter of that. Haven't gone back.

But when it comes to POV... I don't know that I have a favorite. I usually write in third person limited because it's the easiest one to get into and is generally the most palatable to readers, but perspectives like anything else are just a tool for the writer to use as needed. Rae's and Madison's perspectives are usually written in first person, because their inner thoughts and experiences are a big part of their story and the personal, intimate feel of first person POV worked better for that. Prometheus' stories are told in second-person, because they're meant to reflect the dreamers (i.e. the readers) and second-person POV conveys more of that reflection and empathy. And while third person is my "default" like I said above, it's also good for more complicated or detailed stories, since there's a bit more wiggle room for establishment and description as compared to first or second person.

[klondiketales]

(W.E) Ha, I meant the other way around, that Freckle is such a cowboy that he handles a horse (Rocky) so well, but I don't mind that, because I think that Rocky and Freckle switch roles in bed

As for leaving Lackadaisy, let's say this ... Freckle no longer feels that fuse when he picked up a gun, it completely disappeared, and the rage was replaced by fatigue, and also with flashbacks of how he shot himself, because of this, it became more difficult for him shoot, because of the memories, Freckle is just mentally exhausted after everything he's been through, so he doesn't want to work at Lackadaisy anymore, most of the time he feels tired, although what about Rocky, I thought he'd want to come back to work again in Lackadaisy, given his devotion to this place, and to Mitzi, but I think I was wrong about that, and also, it would have been better if, after the hospital, Rocky lived with Freckle and Nina for a while, where Freckle could take care of Rocky, and between  they developed a relationship, although I don’t know where Rocky will sleep, either in Freckle's bedroom, or in another place, hm, maybe even in Rocky’s former children’s room, or something like that, and if he has one, and finally, I think relationship between Ivy and Freckle will be tense, she definitely won’t immediately believe in this thing with alternative universes, but sooner or later she will believe in it, given the sharp contrast in characters between Rapist!Freckle and the Victim!Freckle, plus, it seems like Rocky really speaks sincerely, and feels comfortable with Victim!Freckle

Now about a topic we haven't discussed yet ... romantic and sexual relationship between Freckle and Rocky, about the kiss, you're right, it just happened spontaneously, and out of an act of passion/love/affection for each other, but what about the sexual stuff, no, everything happens slowly, mostly Rocky and Freckle are focused on romance rather than sexuality, so their actions are at least romantic in nature, they still have platonic touches, all because they are both tired of all sorts of sexual things, they want to relax because of this, and they want something sweet and romantic, they will have sex, but not soon, but over time they will do sexual things with each other, for example, cuddle, rub, and jerk off each other's penises, but for now they are not doing oral, and anal sex, they are still traumatized by it, but when they finally have sex, it will be very slow, and very deliberate, they will be very careful with each other (especially Freckle) so as not to bring up traumatic memories in each other, but when they finally do it ... they just lose themselves in each other

Honestly, I don't know who would be on top in this scenario, they each deserve to be on top after everything they've been through, but I imagine Rocky in this scenario as being on the bottom, but he's the one who sets the pace, I think he's  has the right to do so, after everything that happened to him, and Freckle just lets Rocky control the pace, and helps him with it, and also, I think their first time will be ... in the corn field, yes, I took the idea at Wickaby, they decided to do it in a different place to avoid the places where they had been raped before, plus, the cornfield is a fairly secluded place, so no one will hear their moans and cries of pleasure

Also, I’m interested in Nina’s reaction to the change in her “son” Freckle, she should have noticed it

I think they do, too. They can both be cowboys if they want.

I have to read about the greeks, so short response: I love all your ideas (especially the cornfield lmao. There’s a reason why I went with that in the wickaby fic. Not a very convenient location to rape someone) and you made me rethink the first time they have sex, which I now agree should be more slow and careful, rather than sudden and impulsive (which is how Rocky usually is with sex in my fics).

I don’t think Nina would notice. DOn’t get me wrong, I think she loves both her boys, but loving them and knowing them well enough to know when there’s something different about them aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Thanks for the asks! Sorry it took so long to get back to them ;w;

[lynderman]

𝙂𝙡𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙨𝙚 𝙊𝙛 𝙐𝙨 (Robin Arellano) Final Part

Pairing: Robin Arellano x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1,955

Date Published: 8/9/22

Tags: Angst, AU, Alternate Universe, Heartbreak, breakups, (past) fluff, eventual Vance Hopper X Reader, time-skips, flashbacks, confessions, fighting.

Description: (This AU Has no grabber what so ever. It's just with the characters. I'm also making them all 16-17 just because it seems better to me lol.)

You and Robin had been dating for quite a while. It all went downhill When he began to get into fights again. A bit later, you get with someone else. How will Robin handle seeing you with someone who isn't him?

Full Chapterlist

(taglist)

@jackie-xoxo

@jadearellano

@wowwontonsoup

@liissharks

@kennedy4262

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥

As you locked the car door you shivered slightly. You had been in such a rush that you didn't bring a jacket. The dock looked abandoned as usual, other than a small group of other teens on the other side skinny dipping. It wasn't unusual, you just hoped that whoever wanted to meet you here wasn't wanting to participate In that. You made your way down the old dock. At the end, there was an old wooden bench. Wiping the dust off of it, you took a seat and looked around the lake. There wasn't anyone right by you. You enjoyed the peace and quiet.

You soon heard the crunch of leaves behind you, followed by footsteps on the old wood. You turned to your right, expecting to see Vance. It wasn't Vance. It was Robin. He looked the same as usual. You did notice that he was wearing a different belt buckle. You were a bit confused to see that it was the one you got him months ago. "Can I sit here?" You mumbled a yes. It was quiet for a while. Not awkward, just tense. As if you both didn't want to talk. "So you left the note in my locker?" You asked. "Yeah. I did." You slumped a little. "Do you want someone else here?" He turned to face you. "No no. It's not that. I just thought that it was Vance who left it." He gave you a sad look.

"Did he forget it was your birthday?" You didn't want to say yes. "That little prick." His tone of voice changed as he began to tap his knee. "He doesn't deserve you." You looked at Robin with more confusion. "He treats you like absolute shit. He ditches you for other people, yells at you constantly, and is borderline abusive. You don't deserve to be treated like that at all." You just sat there. "That's the same thing he said about you." He stopped tapping his knee. "That night at the roller rink. After we left he kept telling me about how 'He doesn't want to see me hurt again' and how 'I deserve so much better." It was complete bullshit. I wanted to stay back and talk with you. But of course he had to start a fight. I contemplated not going with him and just staying with you but-" You stopped when you processed what you were saying. You just outted your feelings to Robin again. You were still with Vance and he was still with Paige. Why did he come here anyways?

Robin held out his hand, signaling for you to open yours. He then handed you the other half of the bandana from the roller rink. "I fixed it for you. I sewed the rips. That way you don't have to keep the other half in your pocket all day. Maybe you can sew it back together." You couldn't help but blush. How did he know you always kept it in your pocket? It never went In our out unless you were in your room. "Look (y/n)." Robin scooted closer to you, turning his body to face you fully.

"Before Vance interrupted at the rink, I was going to say I'm sorry." You couldn't look at him. You couldn't bring yourself to do it. He sighed before going into greater detail.

"I'm sorry that I broke up with you. Especially the way it went down. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I never wanted to break up with you. I never wanted to go back to Paige. Everything she said was a lie. I never went to go see her. My Abuela was really sick. Or to say all those things about you. None of them were true. I was just so angry at myself. I took it out on you for no reason either. I shouldn't have let it get to the point where you were crying. And I'm sorry I forgot out anniversary. That was a dick move of me. I know that made all of it worse. And I'm sorry that I got into so many fights. I thought it would make me look better. That winning all of them would show how strong and confident I was. I just wanted to impress you was all. And I realize now it wasn't the correct way to do it. I got a bit jealous over the fact that Vance was hanging out with you more. You just make me feel something I can't explain. I don't know how to put it into words. You make me nervous, but I also get really happy. I Get all fidgety and talkative. Every time I see you and you smile at me it makes me feel like I got hit in the face. But in a good way. You're really pretty too. It's really hard to look away from you sometimes. And I care about you so much. You mean more to me than anyone in this world. And I don't wanna hurt you. But I know I did hurt you. With everything I've said and done. I didn't want to lose you either. But I did that too. I don't want to lose you again. It was wrong of me to compare you to Paige. The only reason I got back with was because I was lonely. I don't feel anything for her. Every thing we did, every hug she gave me, anything. I pretended it was you. I tried so hard to get over you. But I can't. You've shown me more love and affection than anyone else ever has. And that's why I care about you a lot. I want to protect you. I want you to be be happy. Every time I saw you cry it made me want to cry. I just want you to feel the same about me. I just want you to lo-"

"Love you?"

Robin froze. He was now standing up and in some over exaggerated pose. He always moves when he talks so it wasn't a surprise. When you met his eyes you could tell he was trying his hardest to hold back tears. "Yes. I want you to love me. When you told me on the hill, it hit me like a brick. That you did love me. That you felt the same way I feel now. And I didn't notice that. And I fucked up and then you got with Vance. But he's also-" Robin stopped speaking when you pressed your lips to his. He stood there in shock. When you stepped back you looked at him again, you could see he was crying.

"I'm sorry too Robin. For saying everything I said. And comparing you to Vance. I shouldn't have said any of that either. I did the same thing. I just Imagined Vance was you the entire time. It didn't do anything. All those fights you got into? I had to walk away so I wouldn't beat the shit out of the other person for hitting you. Or so I didn't come up to make sure you weren't hurt too badly. But I do love you robin. Even after we broke up. I never moved on. I couldn't. I still can't. I stay up every night waiting for you to climb through my window still."

He walked over and pulled you into his arms. He stood there as he laid his head on top of yours. You stood there, savoring the moment. This is what you'd been waiting for. For months, you waited to feel this type of love. "I accept your apology." You say into his chest. You can feel him laugh. "I accept yours too." After what seemed like minuets the two of you untangled. "So, what are we now?" You couldn't help but laugh as Robin asked. "Back together. Well, I mean if you want to be. Of course if you-"

"I'd love to be, "Mi corazón." A large smile was plastered on your face with his answer. The two of you walked from the dock and back to the parking lot. As you did so, you heard someone calling your name. you turned to see Vance walking angrily towards you both. When he reached you he began shouting. "What the hell is this?! Why are you with him?" He screamed. "Why were you with Paige earlier?" Vance went silent. On cue, again. Paige walked up behind him, calling his name.

"Robbie, why are you with her?" She sneered. "Don't call me that. And because we're dating again." Her jaw dropped. "Vance, I'm breaking up with you." He looked over to you. "You can't-" "Yes. I can. And I did." You grabbed Robin's Hand and began to walk off. You paused for a moment before shouting back to Paige. "He has AIDS by the way! From all the other girls he's been with!" The two of you watched and cackled as they fought.

"So you didn't drive here?" Robin shook his head. "So you walked." He nodded. At least you had a car now. He complimented it when you two made It to the parking lot. He walked over to get in but stopped when he saw you standing there. "Do you mind-" "Just hand me the keys." You smiled as you handed him your car keys and got in the passengers side. On the car ride back to your house, you both had the windows rolled down and the radio blasting Pink Floyd.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You mom still wasn't home. So you decided to let Robin sneak in. It wasn't exactly sneaking in if he went through the open front door. The two of you sat at the dining table eating your cake for a while before you decided to go to your room. When he walked in he smiled proudly. "Glad to see nothing's changed." He walked over to your record collection and began to peek through. The two of you sat on the bed playing your guitar for a while. That turned into a talk about school drama. Then that turned into something about animals. "Before I forget..." Robin begins to dig in his pocket. He pulls out. a small bag. Inside is an obsidian necklace. It has a locket at the end. Inside is a photo of the two of you on your first date. You smile and kiss his cheek. "I love it."

"You still kept it?" You set your necklace down and looked over to see Robin holding your cow. "Oh-yeah."

"I'd kinda hug it everynight since you weren't here." You laid on your back and looked up to the ceiling. "Well now I am." You felt his arm wrap around your waist, and pull you into his chest. The two of you stayed like this as you felt yourself grow sleepier. You turned over to look at him as your eyes began to droop. "Goodnight Robin."

"Goodnight (Y/n)."

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You bolted up right in bed. You were struggling to breathe for a moment as you sweat heavily and tears were pouring down your face. You aggressively felt around the bed for another person as you struggled to see in the dark. You didn't stop until someone grabbed your hand. Robin slowly sat up next to you and turned the light on. "(Y/n)..what's wrong? Why are you-" He heard you sniffle before you hugged him tightly. "What'd you dream about?" You explained the dream in vivid detail. You couldn't hold back your sobs. When you finished Robin cupped his face in your hands. "That'll never happen. (Y/n) you know I care about you too much to do that." He reassured you for a while until you calmed down enough. When you laid back down he placed a kiss on your forehead. "I love you Mi corazón." You smiled as you closed your eyes. "I love you too Robin."

The sound of rain hitting your window was even more comforting than usual tonight.

𝘈 𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Fin.

[andthelightswavegoodbye]

Rei Kiriyama headcanon- he is autistic/autistic coded

I mean- cmon how is he NOT???

Has shogi as a special interest! He was SO excited when hinata asked to play with him. I think a lot of people get mixed up abt him liking shogi or not. I think he truly does like the game, however the trauma from his stepdad and step siblings, as well as the stress of shogi as a profession and the pleasing others with his shogi skills has caused his likeness to it to become distorted.

Quite awkward when it comes to social interaction, and can get really anxious around people he's not comfy with, or when there are lots of people. Also has trouble acting in a neurotypically acceptable way (for instance being very blunt).

Prefers to be alone much of the time

Remember that time when he was helping peel those chestnuts and Akari commented on how good he was at it, and he proceeded to reply with "I like doing repetitive tasks like this" (me too bestie)

Has a relatively blank facial expression except on rare occasions (flashback to all those shitty ass kids calling him robot)

Alexithymia moments happen quite often (has trouble understanding, expressing, and identifying ones own or others feelings). When teaching Hinata, he didn't realize how overwhelmed and confused she was until nikaidou pointed it out. He also has trouble figuring out why he felt/feels the way he does until its at an extremely strong state.

He didnt make a lot of eye contact as a kid, hell I feel like he still doesn't sgjfsgkfj

Doesn't deal well with changes in routine (lmao remember whenever nikaidou tried to unexpectedly spend the night, and Rei got pissed?).

Hypersensitive to certain things! Like he gets very overwhelmed with loud noises (science club def had sum of those moments, as well as nikkaido sometimes being too loud), physical contact makes him tense up a lot, and occasionally lights make him flinch (however that last one may just be shaft makin things aesthetic with his bedroom curtains).

Visually stims-he loves to look at water (shown when he mentions the nearby river a lot (he literally partially chose his apartment for that very reason), or when he was just chillin by the lake when he saw Souya that one time).

Experiences depression and anxiety (common in people with autism)

Now obviously some of these traits can be pointed at just being introverted, or trauma responses as well. We also don't see him ever physically stim (although we do know his biological father rocked back and forth, and I feel like they wouldn't mention that for funsies. Like it's gotta come back right?), but I think theres enough evidence out there that shows he isn't exactly neurotypical.

Anyways I'd love to hear ya'lls thoughts!!

[tangent101]

Max Caulfield and Post-Storm PTSD

One thing I find interesting (and have done so myself) is speculating on how broken Max will be in a Post-Storm (either Sacrifice Chloe or Sacrifice Arcadia Bay) setting. While some people (usually those who killed Chloe) like to say "she'd bounce back!" the predominant view is that we have a shattered Max after this who needs a lot of therapy. So I thought I'd unpack this and look at why I look at this this way.

At this point I should add there is potential triggers here. I'll be examining my own PTSD and elements of Max's state of mind that may in fact result in her being in declining mental health in the wake of the events of Life is Strange.

First, let's consider what PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is, and what causes it. And for this I'm going to start by sharing my own trauma. Because I have PTSD. I gained this after I saw a vehicle go out of control and hit two people and run over two others. The final person was trapped under the vehicle and they had to push the van at an angle to pull him out, do CPR, and... he was dead. Even if EMTs had been right there, he'd not have survived.

I suffer flashbacks thinking of this, though it's gotten better. I will flinch, visualize what happened, and feel nausea. I get tense over this and... well, it's not a happy experience to put it mildly. And I have what is likely a milder case of PTSD. I also developed it despite being in an environment that put me at a lower risk of developing it. And yes, I had minor twinges of PTSD writing this up. Two years ago I probably would have had an actual visualization and anxiety break. So you can get better with therapy and help.

But what specifically is PTSD? According to the website for the National Institute of Mental Health, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) develops in some people who experience shocking or dangerous events, with people who have PTSD feeling stressed or frightened even when they are not in danger. PTSD can occur within 3 months of traumatic events or even have you be fine and then crop up *years* later. And symptoms include flashbacks where you relive the trauma, bad dreams, and frightening thoughts which can disrupt a person's everyday routine.

People with PTSD are easily startled, can feel "on edge," have angry outburst, and have difficulty sleeping. They could go through avoidance of staying away from reminders of the experience and avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the event. Further, cognitive and mood symptoms include problems remembering key features of the event, self-negativity, distorted guilt or blame feelings, and loss of interest in enjoyable activities.

Okay, so how can you avoid PTSD? And how could Max avoid this? Well, factors promoting recovery after trauma include seeking support from friends and family, finding a support group, learning to feel good about your own actions in the face of danger, positive coping strategies, and learning to act and respond effectively even when feeling fear.

And this is the kicker. This is why Max is likely screwed as a result of the events of Life is Strange, especially in a Sacrifice Chloe setting. Because Max blames herself and her time travel for the Storm and all the weird shit that happened. She may very well believe that if she uses time travel for any reason, it will result in the Storm and a lot more people dying. And this will get in the way of being in a healthy environment to avoid PTSD.

First, consider friends and family. Max can't tell them what happened because she has absolutely no proof of what she went through. She can't prove her time travel because if she does then she dooms wherever she is and a lot of people die. (It doesn't matter if this is the case or not, she assumes it is true.) So Max is not going to confide in Warren or Dana or Victoria or anyone. She can't. And she's quite likely going to isolate herself because we have already seen at the start of the game, Max is a bit of a loner who doesn't have many friends.

In fact, her two "friends" are Warren (who she feels threatened by due to his attraction to her, as seen by his inclusion in her Nightmare sequence including learning he doctored photos of her to include himself in the picture, his peeping activities on the second day, and the honestly-creepy "Go Ape" thing), and Kate. Kate is going through her own shit and Max remembers Kate killing herself. Is Max going to unload her own issues on someone going through a lot of shit as well or is she going to swallow her problems so not to trouble her friend? And Warren is someone she feels nervous around and who has engaged in some activities that set up warning flags in her psyche. Further, when she told Warren the truth, he promptly blames her time travel on fucking everything up. In short, she trusted Warren and Warren said "you caused all this destruction." (Even if Max initially blames herself, he reinforces that point of view before Max jumps through the photo to save Chloe.)

Nor can I see her telling her parents. Again, she has no proof. Her parents are overprotective already. If she starts going off on this fanciful tale, are they going to believe her? Or are they going to assume their daughter is cracking and force her into therapy and possibly hospitalize her "for her own good" (and thus she ends up medicated and miserable, having lost her autonomy and agency)? It doesn't matter if they wouldn't as Max will worry this could happen. It is better to never say a thing. So Max internalizes everything. And we already see evidence that Max has done this sort of thing in the past. Max keeps her secrets close to her heart. She never told her parents of the time travel even when she could have had proof. So why tell them after Chloe died?

I have been overcoming my PTSD by revisiting it and working through it. Part of this was guided by therapy. Max would not be in a position to talk about this. And how could she? After all, she didn't find Rachel Amber's body (and we have no proof her body is uncovered in a Sacrifice Chloe setting). She didn't see the Storm. She didn't see most of the incidents. The closest that happened was being in the bathroom when Chloe was shot. And her story of what happened would change from the week that beta-Max was in charge and when Max Prime returned to the timeline. So even if she was talking to a school counselor? She'd quickly learn that her story changed and probably shut up and stop seeing them so not to give away her story.

Remember: Max cannot admit to the time travel because doing so means either killing hundreds of people due to the Storm or being locked away for being crazy because she has no proof.

Next, we have feeling good about her actions. For five days Max had hammered into her skull her actions have consequences. More, those consequences are predominantly bad. Far too often Max has to Rewind to fix things from her actions. If she can't Rewind? That means by acting, she's going to fuck things up. In fact, the fundamental aspect of Sacrifice Chloe states that her action to save Chloe caused all of this destruction. Max is going to second-guess herself constantly.

I mean, if she sees Kate on the roof again at a later point (because women who are the victims of crimes are often blamed by society for the crimes inflicted against them as seen time and time again with how we blame victims of sexual harassment and rape for the crimes committed against them, so of course her church and mother and aunt will continue to blame Kate for what she went through), will Max dare to act? If she does, then she might cause another Storm. She might cause damage. If Kate is on that rooftop again, maybe she was supposed to die. Who does Max think she is by trying to stop Destiny?

So yeah. Max is not going to feel good about her actions. She is going to second-guess herself. She already had that tendency at the start of the game, and Sacrifice Chloe hammers down the truth that action is bad. Better to do nothing and not interact.

We end up with Avoidance. Well, what is the biggest Avoidance? Photography. Max already has a murderer who kidnapped her associated with photography. She remembers being in the Dark Room, being powerless in the face of the man who murdered her Chloe. (Just like she murdered her Chloe. She might not have pulled the trigger, but she caused Chloe's death.) She will see Chloe's death and Rachel's death and her own suffering each time she looks at a camera and remembers Mark Jefferson. More, she knows if she focuses on a photograph she could end up traveling through time and causing the Storm. So she can't even enjoy pictures anymore because they are a threat.

That's not to say that the Sacrifice Chloe setting is all dark and dire. She does have music. She loves music. So if she puts aside the camera she might pick up her guitar and embrace music. (Hannah Telle, Max's VA, once speculated that Max would enter a career in music, probably due partly to her own musical inclinations.) So while she might give up her greatest loves, she might eventually embrace a future in music. I doubt she'd ever play in public but... that might be an outlet for a hurting soul.

Now, I've gone on at length about how dire things are for Max in a Sacrifice Chloe setting, but what about Sacrifice Arcadia Bay? Well, things end up a bit more positive in this setting because she can actually talk about going through some of these things. For instance, Max dug up a body with Chloe. She saw Chloe almost shot by Nathan in the bathroom. She saw Kate attempt suicide (whether or not she stopped it is immaterial to the suicide attempt). She learned that a trusted teacher and mentor was in fact a predator who was kidnapping young women, saw pictures of these crimes, and thus "suffers flashbacks visualizing herself in this setting." She can go to therapy and talk about many things she cannot in a Sacrifice Chloe setting and in doing so she can start to work through elements that could result in PTSD developing.

She can also talk to Chloe about what happened. Chloe knows about the time travel. She knows about almost dying (and Max witnessing Chloe's death multiple times). This gives Max a needed outlet for overcoming her own fears and concerns. But more importantly is this: Chloe is likely to tell Max to face down her fears. Chloe is the person who always pushed Max to try new things. And I honestly cannot see that changing as a result of what they went through.

Max also will learn to feel good about her actions. I mean, she chose Chloe over Arcadia Bay. This is the ultimate action, and while she may feel remorse for those deaths and that destruction... she also knows she saved Chloe and Chloe is by her side. She knows that her actions led to the capture and arrest of Mark Jefferson and saving Victoria Chase's life. Hell, it led to David Madsen (and probably a couple Arcadia Bay police officers) surviving the Storm because they were in the Dark Room at the time of the Storm. Her actions have consequences... and those consequences need not be dire. They can be beneficial.

So the Max of Sacrifice Arcadia Bay has a support group, she has access to therapy and can talk about some of the things she went through, she has someone she loves who believes her, she knows that her actions have benefit, she has someone who urges her to move forward. This isn't to say she won't have PTSD... but she is in a far better environment to overcome this to the point that in Life is Strange 2, we learn (in the Save Chloe timeline) that Max is submitting to galleries and that Chloe is still with her. So she's taking pictures and is in a good place in her life.

Now, what about Chloe? After all, Chloe went through some truly horrific shit herself. Chloe was almost shot by Nathan, she almost got hit by a train, she was threatened by Frank, she dug up the body of a girl she truly cared for, dozens of yards from where she was hanging out regularly, she saw a huge-ass Tornado wipe out her home town and kill her mother... yeah, Chloe's been through some horrific stuff, about as horrific as Max. More, she is in an unhealthy position at the time of the game.

But much of what benefits Max in the Save Chloe timeline also benefits Chloe. She can talk to a therapist. She has Max by her side. She has Max by her side and Max out-and-out chose her over hundreds of people. Joyce chose David over her, and for four years Chloe was in an unsafe environment. Rachel was... Rachel, and she was cheating on Chloe anyway. But Max... Max comes back, she saves her life several times, she helps Chloe time and time again, and at the end she chose Chloe over Arcadia Bay. That is big. That is bigger than big, it is... for once, Chloe was told "you are important." I mean, I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking of how big this is. Chloe has realized just how much Max loves her.

So... Chloe might develop PTSD. She is at risk of it. I think her triggers might similar to Max's - both girls probably will freak over thunderstorms for a while, and both may develop an aversion toward guns... at first I thought they'd differ but really, they'd align fairly well. About the only trigger issue Max would have Chloe doesn't has to do with photography (which is why Chloe is the person who'd help Max overcome any such issues).