#i also don't want a job that requires me to do work outside of office hours bc i actually do want to be a professional artist

[fallingbyjuleecruise]

me and my mom having the same argument over and over which is her telling me that i should have a different job than the one i have and me responding w if any other job was willing to hire me i would be working there instead

[mikobeautifulheart]

JJK MEN Pretending to be your boyfriend/saving you from creeps. PART 3

INCLUDING: Nanami and Toji

TW: Creeps that touch you. but donn' worry they don't get that far. Also like cursing once.

reblogs welcomedddddd

~Nanami~

You and Nanami worked at the same company in the same department under the same boss. One day you were left at the office finishing up a few more documents.

Nanami stood up from his desk.

"I'm going to get some documents, do you need any?"

"Oh uh, no, thank you though." You said. You knew Nanami was a hard and efficient worker but his nature was serious. However it seemed that you had made some sort of...connection? It was like a friendship but not exactly. It wasn't romantic either but it was close.

You finished one of the documents you had to do before going to the printer to pick up the copy before walking over to your bosses office to leave it on his desk.

"Oh helllloooo" your boss said as soon as you waled through the door.

You thought he was acting strange until you spotted the empty bottle of whiskey on his desk.

"Here are the documents you wanted" you said before placing them on his desk.

"I wouldn't say wanted. Hey how would you like a bonus?" he asked you.

You knew what he was implying, but you wouldn't do that for a few extra dollars or with your boss, you wouldn't even consider having sex for money regardless.

"No thank you- i'll be taking my leave now." you said, turning to walk out the door.

But your boss was one step ahead and moved fast enough to close the door before you could escape.

"Please open the door" you sighed in frustration\

"Now don't be so hasty now you can leave just after you do a little task for me-"

"Don't touch me" you said as he grabbed your wrist pulling you toward his desk.

"NO" you screamed in desperation.

Suddenly the door burst open. There he was, Nanami, there in the door way walking toward you freeing your hand from your drunk boss.

"Don't ever touch my girlfriend again." He said looking at your boss sending him furious death glares.

"Are you okay" he asked you.

You nodded looking up at him in relief.

He walked you out of the office and helped you into his car.

"I'll be right back, I need to get my bag."

Lets just say nobody ever saw your boss again.

♧Toji♧ 

You just quit being a sorcerer to escape from the miserable world of curses and murder. But you couldn't live off doing nothing, so why not take up a few odd jobs in your profession. You hated killing, people and curses so you only took up specific jobs, mainly spying and getting intel for bounty hunters and other organisations. You didn't mind your job but you always carried a small gun with you because your job was still dangerous, just incase you needed to fend for your life.

Tonight one of your long time clients, Toji, requested a meeting to arrange your next job. The meeting was casual at a bar where you two sat at the end of the counter on stools casually talking about the mission and requirements. While you were talking a loud drunk guy was behind you babbling on about your body. It was disgusting but you figured when the meeting was over you'd just leave and it would end there.

Your phone on the counter buzzed and you looked down to see a wealthy clients name. Toji looked to.

"Eh its okay, go answer it" he said while the bar tender put another drink infront of him.

You nodded and walked outside quickly before picking up.

Near the end of your call you heard the bar door open behind you and close.

"Understood, I can get the job done in 2 days. Yes. Yes. I'll get back to you when the job is done."

When you hung up you felt an unwelcomed hand squeeze your butt. You jumped with a squeak before tuning around to see the drunk guy who was talking about you before.

"What do you think your doing?" You said hands on your hips in anger.

"Comon' babyyyyy you should come home with me-" he said clearly drunk but still sober enough to pull out a gun on you.

You put your hands up slightly then slowly moved them down.

"Can we just talk about this, put the gun down and we can figure something out" your left hand slid down your leg to reach for the gun you had.

"Or you could just come with me and nobody gets hurt..." the man said, he pointed the gun upward and sneezed sending one bullet flying through the air. He points the gun back at you before he closes one of his eyes to aim at you.

A gun shot rang through the air and you squeezed your eyes closed bracing for the pain but instead his body hit the ground.

"No need to get your hands dirty doll" Toji said putting his gun down looking at you.

"I think..." you said

"HEY THAT BITCH SHOT HIM" A man yelled outside the bar looking at the man on the ground bleeding out.

"OH YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS" He yelled pointing his finger at you.

"That bitch is my girlfriend and I shot that damn pervert you idiot." Toji said staring at the man.

"And if you touch her, I wont be so forgiving" he said while making a gun sign with his hands and pretending to aim at the mans head.

"Bang." He said mockingly while laughing.

"Come on lemme' drive you home" He said putting his arm around your shoulder walking you to his car.

THANKS FOR READING ♡

AUTHORS NOTE: I'm making the next part with Sukuna and Choso. That's probably all I will write for this series unless you guys have any one else you want me to write it for. have a nice whenever <3

[likedovesinthewindd]

Can i request headcandons of Miguel and miles(earth 42) with a shy nurse reader? I just love the dynamic of hero/vigilante who falls over his heels for his nurse or even being protective over them, but if u don't want to make this request i understand

i love this idea sm, hope this is what you had in mind!

Miguel O'Hara

✮ it had been lyla's idea initially. back when the spider society was fairly new and everyone was still finding their feet. she had suggested that the building require a medical center; a place where spider-people could go to to get patched up, instead of having to travel back to their universes to seek medical attention.

✮ he was very reluctant, didn't want any outsiders working at the society but after some convincing he agreed. the medical center was a great asset to the society, and it helped a lot of spider-people get help quickly and recuperate if needed. It hadn't been till Miguel himself needed patching up himself that he met you.

✮ you were quite shy, keeping any conversation brief and only doing your job, and once you were done patching him up, you gave him a small smile and went on with your day, helping whoever was next in line. against his better judgement and completely out of character, he had returned your gesture with a smile that mirrored your uncertainty and shyness.

✮ he didn't know what it was, but he found himself quite drawn to you. even though you were always so introverted around him, you would often times crack a joke or two when you were around your colleagues, or even with other spider-people you were comfortable around.

✮ sometimes when working in his office (is it his office even, what do you call that room?) he'd see what you were up to using the surveillance system that ran throughout the whole building.

✮ the more times he came to you when injured, the more you came out your shell once you realized he wasn't as mean as he looked (at least not with you). You started talking more with him, little bits of your personality slowly revealing itself as time went on.

✮ most mornings he'd make an appearance at the center to quote "make sure everything was running smoothly", but he really just needed a reason to see you, talk to you a little more.

✮ some nights when he was on patrol, he'd go to where you lived (he used poor lyla to get that information) to go and see if you were okay.

✮ God forbid anyone is even slightly mean to you when he's around to see it, because best believe he will be giving them shit about it.

✮ and when he's injured, he's never saying he's gonna go to the medical center or to the nurse, it always "I'm gonna go see (your name)" he doesn't even notice he's doing it until Jess is giving him a skeptical look about his choice of words.

✮ and he's also received a multitude of teasing from Lyla because he'd been so reluctant about the idea, and now if he wasn't in his office, he was with you.

"I'm off to the medical center, Lyla, please keep all unnecessary matters on hold 'till I'm back," Miguel said, and at once the AI appeared on his shoulder, a smile ever present on her small face. "Say hi to (your name) for me," she said with a smirk, before disappearing once again, not giving Miguel any time to argue.

Earth 42 Miles Morales:

he's aged up to 19/20 just for practicality.

✮ miles had went to visit his mother at the hospital she works at when he saw you. it was just in passing, you had almost bumped into him and apologized profusely before being on your way once again. he didn't recognize as one of his mom's colleagues, many who he has met.

✮ so he asked her who you were. "one of our newer nurses here, around your age too," she answered with a knowing smirk.

✮ he saw you again when he was making his way back home, just outside the hospital and seemingly on your lunch break. he approached you and the two of you quickly clicked. even through your shy demeanor, he didn't miss your stunning personality and sense of humor.

✮ you became pretty close, and his visits to the hospital increased. he'd always go to his mother first of course, but always as subtly as he could slip in a little "where's (your name)?"

"working, miles," rio would reply with a smile.

✮ it wasn't until he got a little scraped up during one of his prowler-activities. and when he arrived at your apartment in the dead of the night all scraped up, you were a little taken aback to say the least. you still helped him though, no question asked and from then on, every time he got hurt, he'd always come to you to help him out.

✮ he'd still frequent the hospital, coming to keep you company on your breaks and when you clocked out, he'd walk you home, seeing as most of the time you worked till nighttime.

✮ he's always visiting you at home as well, taking you out when you had the day off or just staying at home with you when you were too tired to go out, keeping you company.

"Please sit still," you whispered as you wiped at the nasty gash just above his eyebrow. "That stuff stings," he said through gritted teeth, once again wincing with a small hiss when the alcohol touched the wound. "Then you shouldn't get hurt so much, tough guy," you said, smiling at the pout present on his face.

[bellasfortuna]

been playing a lot of That's Not My Neighbor and it got me brainrotting on the idea of what if you were a doorman for a military compound during a doppelganger outbreak, and the residents were the 141/co. so here's a blurb

TW: body horror, mentions of murder, explicit threats of bodily harm

The sound of the door locking shut with a loud clank resounded through the tight entry hallway. It felt like every sound always echoed if not thundered through the tiny office and small box sized hallway that was bracketed by the door leading outside the compound and the door leading into the compound, the reinforced steel and shatterproof glass felt as constricting as they did protective.

Laswell's warning to me when I accepted this job, passed the initial tests, the initial psych eval and physical tests, kept running through my mind: "The compound is a safe and secure environment, and the first level of protection hinges on your job. Do your job and do it well. The safety of everyone in the compound hangs in the balance if you don't."

Of course, the unspoken part, I also understood. This was a military compound, housing some of the world's most trained and deadly soldiers. People who were more than capable of, and in the past had, disposing of doppelgangers. When your life revolved around tactical warfare and covert operations and living and breathing danger, even the true capacity of unknown danger that the doppelgangers encompassed couldn't phase you. If I did fail, let one through, inside the first layer of secure walls, there were more failsafes, more deadly soldiers, who could handle it; but that didn't mean there wouldn't be casualties. And as the least trained and arguably least deadly (even in a world where I passed the minimum requirements to work on base, physicality and weapons training included), I would be the first casualty.

None of that was going through my head the first time I saw one of them, really saw one of them, in that tiny entryway, with the only barrier between us being the shatterproof glass and reinforced steel frame. It was easier, when the paperwork was clearly forged, the slam of the protective metal shutter and the blaring alarm, they didn't sound so horrifying, jarring, yes, but not horrifying. I could disconnect from the idea that something unspeakable, something I definitely didn't want to know about or the specifics of, was happening behind the metal shutter with the cleaning crew and the doppelgangers I was calling them for. It didn't feel real.

"Y' think yer safe, inside tha' tiny box, they don't care 'bout you, they prolly don't even know yer name, they wouldn't come if ye screamed while my claws sank into yer soft skin, ripped the screams right outta yer pretty throat, so open the door," it hissed, voice dripping with malice and barbed vitriol. It wore Mactavish's face, but it was all wrong, gone was the rugged handsomeness the Scot usually bore. Gone was the chiseled jaw and stormy blue eyes, in his place was something unnatural, something dangerous. Face slightly bloated and too bulky, it had too many eyes, wide and bloodshot and glaring icily at me through the window.

[crplpunkklavier]

thoughts on vongole, and kristoph as a dog owner

DISCLAIMER: i am not a professional in dog care nor training. i have had and trained a dog for many years now, but he is not a retriever. i've studied up on other breeds out of curiosity (and due diligence tbh). if anything i say here is factually wrong and you know more, feel free to reach out!

Kristoph: Ah, yes, she's surprisingly delicate, you know. Requires careful tending. But, she is my "best friend", as they say. Phoenix: "Best"...? Come on, now I'm starting to feel bad for you. Kristoph: Oh? Of course, she's known to bite if handled roughly. Phoenix: Y-Your rose bites? Kristoph: ...... I was speaking of the photo next to the rose. My retriever, Vongole. Cute, but feisty.

this is all we ever learn about vongole. am i going crazy about it? maybe. (also, after this line, phoenix thinks to himself, "every dog has its thorn..." as if that means literally anything. i love him so)

vongole is one of my favorite mysteries about kristoph. she is not at all relevant in aa4, and if she was only ever going to be in this tiny bit of flavor text (so easily missable too!) why put her in at all? was she going to play a bigger role in a later game that shu takumi never got to bless us with? i guess it's possible. that would lift vongole on the same level as those pesky black psyche locks. but either way, we have her here, and that means i get to overanalyze her :)

or more accurately, i get to overanalyze kristoph gavin on the basis that he has a dog who

is a retriever

is "surprisingly delicate"

requires careful tending

is his best friend, as they say

bites if handled roughly

hey. what the fuck does any of that mean, kris?

lets start with the breed. i've mentioned in a post before that many of us seem to have collectively decided that vongole is a golden retriever, which seems fitting, since those are famous blondes, just like the other gavins. however, "retriever" doesn't automatically mean golden retriever! there are a few other retriever breeds. you're probably familiar with labrador retrievers, for instance. i have a curly-coated retriever in my neighborhood who, you guessed it, has a charming curly coat, pitch black, and is a trained service dog!

we often see retrievers as service dogs, because they're pretty fit for the job. the name retriever comes from hunting though. while my own dog is more engaged in actually running ahead and killing prey himself (no i don't let him do that.), retrievers have been bred to go and, well, retrieve prey for the hunters. this of course means that you can also teach them to retrieve other stuff for you fairly easily. like meds, socks, blankets -- stuff a service dog would be helpful for.

apart from that, retrievers are also known to be good family dogs, because they're friendly, affectionate, loyal, and quick to trust. they're also very active, and pretty smart! there are minor differences between the various retriever breeds, but this much goes for all of them to some extent.

why in the world does kristoph have a dog?

i... just..... does he seem like a dog person to you?? i just.... i mean, he doesn't seem like a cat person to me either. or a plant person. maybe he doesn't seem like a person to me. i just really stumble over this sometimes, because it seems wild to me to think that kristoph gavin got himself a retriever just because he.... wanted a retriever?

the guy works what's pretty much an office job. his salary shouldn't be very high, as a defense attorney? but, well, he's implied to like high-profile cases, and he had the money to employ an assistant, so i don't think he's poor. he needs time and space for a retriever, though. vongole isn't a little shih tzu who's happy to just hang out on your lap all day. again, REALLY active. this is a dog who wants AT LEAST an hour of outside time a day. kristoph gavin doesn't even look like he's ever seen the sun. but ok.

one frankly hilarious route i've considered is that he wanted a dog for protection. klavier says he's been "living in fear" ever since zak gramarye disappeared on him, and then he panicked enough to straight up beat him to death the minute he saw him again seven years later. he's paranoid, he's spying on everyone involved. i think kristoph really was very scared. so maybe at some point he figured he'd get himself a dog that would protect him from assailants.

i say this is hilarious because..... a retriever is not the dog you want, man. like, yeah, she'll be loyal to you if she likes you. the problem is she is also really quick to like you, or the intruder in your house, or the guy coming to your office to kill you. if kris got a retriever because he wanted a guard dog, that was a fantastic bit of stupidity, and i personally love it for him.

another angle i like, one that makes him a little less stupid and a little more horrifying, is appearances.

But, she is my "best friend", as they say.

this line really does something to my brain. kristoph gavin talks like a law text book at the best of times, so the somewhat awkward wording of it isn't really what's bothering me. it's the fact that he said it at all. it's that very last part. the "as they say." because, yeah, sure, people say that. yeah yeah, man's best friend, we've all seen it.

and it just... seems so very kristoph to latch onto a truism about human beings, to make himself look like one. look at him! he's got a suit, he's got a job. he's totally on speaking terms with his brother. when the bar association voted to disbar phoenix, he was the only one who voted against that (one more thing i'd love to make a big post about one day lol), he has regular dinner with his good friend phoenix wright, he has an assitant, he has a law office. he probably has a car, because it's LA. he has a savings account. that's not, like, canon, but he does. of course he also has a dog. he's just a regular human guy! he likes poetry and the arts. his best friend is a dog, and more than that, a breed which is known for its gentleness, and for how great they are with..... children :)

let's all sit back and let that chill go down our spine for a sec.

kristoph got a retriever to prove something. kristoph got a retriever for the same reason that he made friends with vera misham before he tried to kill her.

remember what his prison cell looks like? with the books, the arm chair, the violin? he keeps up appearances, even after his arrest. of course he'd put up a framed picture of his beloved dog. like any normal human person would.

but did he treat her well?

well...... well.

here's the thing.

i don't think kristoph gavin is an animal abuser. i don't think he treated her badly. but that's a sliding scale, with dogs, and with most pets, isn't it? if i'm never outright mean or violent to my dog, that's great, but if i never give him enrichment, if i never learn to read his body language, if i never give him what he fundamentally needs as a certain animal of a certain breed, i'm still not treating him well. i'm not treating him right, i'm just not overtly torturing him.

back to kristoph. in this vein, i often think about what we hear of his interactions with young vera. one thing that particularly sticks out to me is how drew misham says that kristoph was one of the very few people who ever made her smile.

kristoph clearly has a way with children, to an extent. he knows to get her that stamp -- he actually understands her childish fascination with magic a little too well and gets her a present that she likes so much it thwarts his whole plan. keep in mind that vera was 12 -- when kristoph's younger brother was 12, kristoph was 19 already, old enough to consciously learn things about the 12-year-old in his household. he knows kids, and he gets through to them.

but never fully, does he? klavier figured out something was off about the way his brother came to his office. and even vera, despite smiling at kristoph so earnestly, despite really loving that stamp, despite being only 12, even vera was so horrified by that little twitch of the devil's hand. there was always something uncanny about kristoph.

why am i bringing that up? i'm not saying everyone who's good with children will be good with dogs, or the other way around. but there is common ground. you're dealing with a living thing that's smaller than you, dependent on you, and you're building a relationship that'll take a lot of calmness, understanding, and reassurance. kids often can't express themselves in ways adults would immediately understand, and neither can dogs.

and i think kristoph got about as far with vongole as he did with vera. i think vongole liked him fine. again, retrievers are quick to like people. he was there, he fed her, he probably gave up trying not to let her up on the couch. sure she liked him. but did she listen to him?

before i ever had a dog, my mom used to tell me that she thought the concept of dog training (the german word is Hundeschule, so literally "dog school") was stupid, that she'd had a dog as a kid, and that dog didn't have to know any tricks, it wasn't a circus animal! well, my mom was also bad with every pet we've ever had, and with all three of her kids. so.

look, it's important that your dog listens to you. i'm just saying. no, it doesn't have to know "circus tricks," although depending on the breed, it might have fun learning them! and it definitely just. it needs the basics. your dog needs to understand what "no" means, and your dog should come when called -- i know we're all tired of alpha terminology and it's constantly used wrong, but, genuinely, your dog needs to know that you're the leader of the pack. your dog needs that, it's good for the dog. turns out i was also using it wrong! this reblog explains what i meant to say better than i could. my point was that you have got to give your dog something, some form of structure. for the dog's own cognitive development, for you to work as a union, and last but not least to make sure you don't bring harm to the outside world!

and, yeah, this is absolutely the part where i think kristoph failed. because no, i don't think he was ever violent with her or anything, but i also don't think he would ever have the patience it takes for solid dog training.

why else does he, unprompted, bring up that she is "surprisingly" delicate, and requires "careful" tending? kris, did you not know? why are you surprised by how delicate a literal living thing is? did you accidentally step on her paw and she acted like it's the end of the world? yeah, they do that. did you come home late from the office one night and there was a pile of poop on your overturned laundry basket? hmm. if only something could be done about that.

the "bite if handled roughly" part is the last one i wanna talk about, because that also gave me a lot of trouble.

i mean... dogs bite. they do! mine bites. especially puppies are happy to play-bite, often into hands, and it's important to get that under control while they're young. this also loops us all the way back around to vongole being a retriever. remember, they're bred to carry stuff in their mouths. it is in this dog's dna to use her mouth for stuff.

this means she might be bite-happy in a very specific way. i've actually read multiple times that retriever bites are "soft", because again, they're just supposed to retrieve game when hunting, not kill it themselves. it's already dead, and a dog actually biting into it would make it yucky for humans to eat. retrievers are good at moderating bite strength for that.

but.... it doesn't sound like that's what kristoph is talking about, is it? she's known to bite if handled roughly. that sounds like she really bites. and of course she does. if handled roughly. hey, what the fuck does that mean, handled roughly? who's handling her roughly?

again, this doesn't necessarily scream animal abuse. as @mlmschemes, out of professional experience, has brought up, there are certain things that need to be done during a vet visit that dogs don't always love, especially if they aren't used to it, like nail trims, to state the easiest one. you might have to hold a dog down for that. and if that dog is trained and socialized like ass, yeah, she'll bite if handled roughly.

but, hey, don't worry. she's just feisty. :) cute but feisty, he says.

just like every fucking dog owner i've ever met in the neighborhood who has a half-rabid untrained menace that would probably tear my face from my skull if not for its stupid retractable leash.

anyway.

kristoph wants to be a dog owner because it's a fun normal human thing to do and makes him look non-threatening, well-adjusted, and generally likeable. but he sucks at dog training. nobody has ever fully believed the guy--fucking, even apollo IMMEDIATELY deserts him in court. kristoph lives a superficial life and vongole probably has zero trouble becoming the best friend of whoever gets her next.

just to bring this already embarrassingly long post to a point and an end, here's some quick tips from me for portraying vongole, and by extension kristoph dealing with her:

retrievers are affectionate, so vongole is probably a cuddler

kristoph probably has fur fucking everywhere. he comes into the office with a briefcase thats just filled with lint rollers

vongole knows exactly zero commands. if you have food in your hand, she will sit down, because sometimes that gets her things, and she will try to use it at every possible opportunity

if sitting down doesn't work, she will become more and more annoying. if my dog felt like i wasn't giving him enough attention, he used to walk up to my desk and nudge my forearm with his nose so strongly that my grip on my computer mouse would slip and i would fuck up whatever i was working on.

kristoph loses patience with her. it'd be interesting to write, because he'd want to save face if it happens in public, too. he can't yell at his dog there, that'd look bad. i imagine a lot of insistent leash tugging, a lot of ill-advised grabbing/holding her (here's where he probably gets bitten too), and a lot of smiling and laughing and being like "ohh, haha, she's just so feisty today, what's going on ooo she's so nice normally haha"

i doubt he played much with her? she probably had toys, but for kristoph to interact with them a lot.... you can play fetch with retrievers pretty well, because, once again, they're retrievers. and that's a pretty classic "look at me i'm a normal dog owner" thing to do, so he probably has some like, tennis balls and stuff that he'd throw for her. but that's probably it.

if you write vongole changing owners to klavier and/or apollo, please please please let her do a full 180. if you're going by what i've theorized here vis à vis kristoph, that dog is DESPERATE to learn. dogs want jobs and she would be SOOO happy to be trained.

forget that thing about old dogs and new tricks. my dog is 8 years old and i'm currently teaching him a new command, for funsies. it's working and he loves it. you can write vongole becoming a model citizen at any age. i implore you to.

[sapphic-luminosity]

4.5 years

I’m so tired.

It’s really incredibly tiring living through the ongoing pandemic and feeling like the world around me does not care that it still exists and is dangerous as ever. 

It really does feel like few people care at this point. It’s very hard to be honest, but the threat is such that I can’t really just relax and pretend like it’s not there.

I do follow covid conscious people on social media and it helps to know that there’s many of us out there. And I’m glad to have a number of friends who have remained covid conscious, but like we really are few in number. A lot of friends and family members who used to be cautious have thrown caution to the wind, only maybe masking when, say, going on flights or maybe to crowded spaces if that. I still want to be friends and have relationships with these people but every time I meet with them I’m very aware that there’s increased risk in doing so. Meanwhile plenty of friends who stopped taking covid seriously have simply stopped really talking to me or including me in plans, even online friends. It’s disappointing. It’s isolating. It feels like I’m disposable to many people. But at least I do see some people repeatedly in person consistently wearing masks like I do. And that helps some.

Every couple waves I’ll see more people wearing masks such as the ongoing one. You know what, that’s welcome, I appreciate everyone who starts masking again after having stopped. But masking only during the heights ignores that the spread of the virus still goes on in between. So the next wave comes as people relax and transmission increases again. 

It’s hard feeling mostly housebound. I am a bit of a homebody, but not nearly to this degree. Not having an in person job outside of my home doesn’t help with that but also I’m not sure that I could bear to do one at this point. Being disabled already pre-covid and moving states literally weeks before the shelter in place orders came into effect (not lockdowns, we never had those in the US) meant that I did not have a job when the pandemic struck. I decided to wait it out for weeks months a year until the first vaccines got rolled out and thought about trying to apply again but then in the summer of 2021 Delta came. Then Omicron. And so on. Now we’re up to BA.2.86 and JN.1 as the variants of interest. It’s never stopped. There’s never been a break. The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'.

Working from home was a huge option early in the pandemic for many people outside industries that require people to work in person but gradually companies and organizations have rolled back this accessibility by requiring people return to office. And the economy sucks right now. Applying to jobs sucks even in the best of times with the current system, but now we have confirmed cases of job recruiters putting up phantom jobs, some admitting that 75% of the jobs they’ve posted being fake to make their company look like it’s in better shape or positions where the candidate has already been selected internally and they just want to make it look sorta fair. Not to mention all the scam listings. Job hunting sucks. It’s a lot of energy spent for very few returns and my disability/chronic illness means I just can’t channel endless amounts of energy without paying a far greater price in the future.

It’s not just work either. I haven’t seen a movie in theaters since the Harley Quinn and the Birds of Prey movie in February 2020. Maybe I’ll actually go see one soon, but it’s a real risk, even during a matinee when fewer people might be there, even masked in an N95. (And definitely a much bigger risk if I should want some popcorn or a drink.) I have been to one indoor event (MBMBaM live show) that required masks of everyone in late 2022. It was a risk but masking made it feel a little safer. Nothing like the risks today where so many people seem to have forgotten the danger that they knew in 2020 and 2021 and maybe 2022 and will look at you funny if you even wear a mask much less suggest they might wear one.

We’ve known about covid spreading as an aerosol but I’ve had people I know act like it’s safe to eat inside as long as you’re far away from people regardless of ventilation. Some even still believe the six feet away idea that has been thoroughly debunked. We’ve known about long covid post-viral syndromes since 2020 and that you can still get long covid after vaccines at least since 2021. Research has come out over the last few years about covid having rampant effects on your immune system, heart, brain, pretty much any organ in your body, but people still think of it as just a respiratory illness.

Our government has failed us profoundly. I never had much trust in the government, becoming politically conscious in the early Bush era in the wake of Islamophobia and endless wars against concepts which got widespread support from both dominant parties in the US. Coming out as queer in my early adulthood, I learned about the Reagan response to the HIV/AIDS epidemic (ignoring it for several years because ewwwww gay people!!) which filled in the blanks of knowledge from my childhood where the education was pretty much just scaremongering. It’s truly monstrous how Reagan ignored HIV and yet I’m not sure anyone has really done that much better since him.

I’ve never liked Biden nor do I pretend to. But even so, he campaigned on how thousands of covid deaths in 2020 were unacceptable under a US president when it was Trump in power. Yet under him we’ve seen likely over a million people die and the dismantling of protections that helped prevent covid’s spread or monitoring. We were pushed the idea that you simply had to get vaccinated and then it wouldn’t be a problem anymore. But that’s never been true. He declared that the pandemic was over in September 2022 and in the two years since then I’ve watched more friends who mask consistently get sick than those I knew who got sick from November 2019 to September 2022. (I’m pretty fortunate in that regard, I know many people had lots of friends and relatives get sick and die or become permanently disabled prior to September 2022.) 

Sure, the White House approved 4 more covid tests per household again in response to the current wave (after getting rid of that program months ago), but the tests are notoriously unreliable for a single test unless it gives you a positive and generally you need to use them over multiple days to make sure you don’t have false negatives. Not to mention that we have known about asymptomatic transmission of covid since 2020, but people just seem to have forgotten about that. Testing daily would do so much to help track the disease, especially if our leaders were to encourage everyone to do them. But there’s a serious lack of test availability. The government could give each of us a test per day and help stop a lot of transmission. Where are free masks? Where is the continued funding for vaccines? Where is funding for improved ventilation including air filtration systems for every classroom and other shared public space? Where are protections to make sure that employers have to keep people home and give them sick pay? Any public health response we had has pretty much fallen away into privatized, “you-do-you” individualism. (Anyone remember that “you-do-you” MTA sign from 2 years ago saying masks were optional so wear them however the fuck you want? “You-do-you” feel free to get someone’s immunocompromised grandma mortally ill on the subway.)

There’s only one mention of the pandemic on Harris’ campaign website’s Issues page at the moment, only in passing while talking about automotive industry jobs. The pandemic is in the past, this seems to say. There’s no need to mention it except to compare what she has done under Biden vs. what Trump did. Biden may have stepped down from running after getting covid for at least the third time and possibly suffering lasting health issues including possible covid-accelerated dementia from it but there’s no need to address that. Simply move on and forget. Maybe she can’t even admit that Biden fucked up royally in 2022, she just has to save face for the DNC. Or she’s trying to appeal to anti-vax anti-mask “Never Trump” Republicans who still won’t vote for her. I don’t pretend to understand what she’s thinking of during her campaign’s numerous missteps so far.

We don’t live in 2019 anymore but so many people seem trapped there. They think that we who are covid conscious are unwilling to move on and are trapped in 2020, but I find that often we’re more attuned to the actual situation going on. So many people seem to be unaware of the long term consequences of catching covid, especially multiple times. So many people passively question why everyone seems to be sick all the time or why there are so many more heart attacks and such happening in young people or why there seem to be more dangerous drivers on the road or why there are so many fewer workers these days but never stop to pursue the answer to the most clear solution. Occam’s Razor never had a chance.

The pandemic has changed us all on levels we probably won’t realize for years or decades, but I feel like many people who have moved back to 2019 are worse for it. Worse empathy for those who had any empathy at all beforehand. Worse science literacy, especially amongst medical professionals. (“You’re not going to get sick in a hospital!” “Why would we wear masks in the cancer ward!?”) Worse critical thinking. Worse memory. I know people deal with trauma in different ways but so many people just seem to be so avoidant that any tiny reminder of it makes them want it gone gone gone. Or they seem to just sigh and laugh internally at those of us taking it seriously. “You just have anxiety!” they might say, even when in my humble opinion nothing is more rational than our desire to not get sick. Not to mention all the harassment people have gotten for doing things like masking because using a simple medical device has turned into a moral panic in some spaces. (I know of some people who would mask don’t anymore because of social pressure or outright threats used against them.)

It’s hard to have hope for the future and yet I hang in there. Maybe someday I’ll be able to work in person again. Maybe someday I will be able to be on a plane again and travel outside of the US or go to visit friends in parts of the US I’ve never been to. Maybe someday I will be able to eat inside a restaurant again instead of getting takeout or (rarely) taking a risk by eating outside of one. Maybe someday I’ll be able to casually sip an iced latte in a coffee shop while reading to pass the time again. Maybe someday I will be able to go to concerts or conventions or crowded outdoor festivals or indoor parties or board game nights or even ride the bus without having to ask myself if it’s worth the risk and without having to wear a mask. But with the infection rates we’ve been seeing that feels far off and most people don’t seem to care about making that world a reality.

I hope that there will be some treatment to finally end covid-19 and its numerous lineages that continue to mutate and spread across the world like wildfire. I feel like that’s one of the only hopes. We had a chance to end covid in other ways but our government leaders and greed from corporations failed us. Yet even with that, I know that if a treatment using some kind of super effective antibodies or such is developed, it’ll probably still be kept from many people by corporate greed. But still I hope for the future even if that hope is dim.

Until then I’m largely housebound. And I will forever be changed by this pandemic, largely not for the better. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to trust people in general again. I’m not sure how I would cope if covid suddenly disappeared from the face of the planet, like with magic. Maybe I would just completely lose it. Maybe I’d bounce back completely in a few months. (Unlikely. I’m still disabled and chronically ill from pre-covid times. My life would still have big challenges.) But I’m pretty sure it won’t disappear suddenly.

And I’m so very tired.

[airplanned]

I had an idea.  And wrote it down.

So here’s Zelda trying to get Link fired.

*** "Link is in love with me," Zelda announced, looking her father straight in the eye in hopes he wouldn't detect her lie.

His large eyebrows lowered.  "Is he?"

"Yes."

He only grew more confused.  "How do you know?"

She had not been expecting this question, and briefly weighed lying about an over-wrote confession of love, but that seemed both a bit heavy-handed and also easily fact-checked.  

Instead, she folded her hands and lowered her eyes demurely. That would sell it.  "I can simply tell."

"Tell how? What does he do?"

"It's in the way he looks at me.  And the way he follows me."

All the confused wrinkles that had formed on her father's face flattened, and his voice took on an annoyed edge as he said, "That is his job.  But...you're well aware of that, since we spoke of it last week.  You were upset about it then."

She had prepared herself for this.  She would not crack.  She would not waffle.  Giving her most solemn nod, she said, "Now I have come to realize that his outstanding attention to detail and his excellent attentiveness do not arise from mere duty."

Her father sighed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest.  "And what is it you want to have done about this?"

She lifted her chin.  "Out of an abundance of caution towards propriety, and for the sake of his spotless reputation, I believe it would be in the best interest of all parities if he were transferred."

The king nodded.

And kept nodding.

And nodded some more.

Finally, he said, "I don't buy it."

She nearly broke then, nearly rolling her eyes and huffing.  But she was a picture of calm.  "Whatever do you mean?"  Okay, that was a bit much.

"Zelda, that young man is not in love with you."

Her neutral face cracked the slightest bit, but it was still in character.  "You haven't seen the way he watches me."

"I have.  He's not in love with you.  He's just doing his job, which you make extremely hard for him for no real reason."

Oh, she had reasons.  She grit her teeth and took a pointed breath in through her nose, which probably gave her way.  "What proof do you require?"

The king narrowed his eyes at her.  "What would you do if I told you that?  Make that young man fall in love with you so you can have him transferred?  That would be cruel, Zelda.  And besides," he picked up his pen, intending to go back to his work, and effectively dismissing her, "I'm afraid at this point that would be an uphill battle for you."

That should not have stung, because it was absolutely true, and she could see his point.  It would be an uphill battle convincing her father after her open and active hatred of him these past few weeks.

"What if I was in love with him?" she asked.

He looked up only to give her an unamused look.  

"The longer we remain so tightly bound in each other's company, and with him in love with me--which I can see why you don't believe that he is because he is so stoic in public--it's only a matter of time before he wins my affections."

She felt nauseated just thinking of it, but kept it from her face.

"Alright," he said, and turned back to his work. "Come back when that happens."

Outside her father’s office, Link peeled from his post by the door to wait for her and fell in step behind her, none the wiser that her mind was whirling with alterations to her plan.

[coff-in]

hello hello!! ヽ(^○^)ノcould i possibly req smut of ashley x the fem reader? maybe reader is trying to get ready for a job but ashley wants to spend more time with her and reader, of course, can't resist her best friend-girlfriend-confusing relationship!! (＞∀＜)

- 🕊

notes from coff-in: welcome back, 🕊 anon! i'm so happy to see you again, i hope you're doing well! this is written in second person just like my last answered request. i noticed that it's a little easier for me to write like this... idk why ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i also couldn't do my bullet points or proper format writing for this either, so i did my little ramblefic writing instead. apologies about that 🕊, my dear :/ i hope you enjoy this nonetheless!! (edit: i'm sorry this took long, i feel so bad whenever i don't answer an ask the day it comes to me... i tried my best though!!)

[fem] reader-insert, [afab] reader-insert, NSFW

hm... i wonder when this would take place. probably before the quarantine happened, yeah? they've graduated from high school a couple of months ago and [reader] got a simple job working as a general manager somewhere-- like a store or something. maybe an office job? something that requires [reader] to change into professional/work friendly attire. her and ashley found a cheap apartment to move into together (ashley constantly complained about her parents and, um, "suggested" to [reader] that they find a place to move out to)

its normal for ashley to stay at home. i think she could get a job but chooses not to, you know? [reader] isn't mind being the breadwinner, and i think gives ashley money to get her own stuff if she wants to. i saw a post somewhere (i think i reblogged it, abt how andrew is hornier than ashley) that ashley usually shows her love via words of affirmation and acts of service so she does most of the cleaning and laundry around the house n such.

two bedroom apartments are expensive though right? and andrew has a college dorm, so he doesn't need a room in their new apartment. ashley and [reader] could just share a room, like she and andy did. in fact, they could even share a bed! (they compromised on sharing a room since sharing a bed is... very intimate in [reader]'s head). this doesn't stop ashley from coming over to [reader]'s bed some nights because "me and andy did it when we were younger, so it's fine if we do it! we're friends right? it's alright."

and of course they also share a closet and get changed in the same space because they're both girls. whatever [reader] has is nothing that ashley hasn't seen before... and she's certainly not judging either :) they even wear each other's clothes sometimes since they're such best friends! (if [reader] has friends outside of ashley (or maybe coworkers, i guess) they always wonder whether she and ashley are dating or not because they're so close to each other)

this ultimately leads to... sex? i mean, is it really sex if it's with your best friend who you may or may not be attracted to? this is [reader] coping btw. sex doesn't happen often, i think. ashley initiated it first to keep [reader] at home. [reader] doesn't need to go to work today, one break wouldn't hurt her, right? ashley hugs [reader] while she's changing her shirt, coaxing her back to bed with her voice

she can just call in sick right? it's no big deal.

this is both of their first times, so it's very awkward at first. ashley takes the reins and acts as the domme in the situation. kissing [reader] and cupping her cheeks, smiling at her and UUUGH I LOVE HER!! idk if they'd have a strap or a dildo (maybe [reader] would have a dildo now that i think about it). ashley slowly stripping her down, reassuring her that she doesn't need to hide anything "you're so pretty! why would you need to hide away? i'm not going to judge you, and honestly it's nothing new to me ;)"

all the teasing and kissing has made it so that [reader] is all slick, making it so easy for ashley to slip her fingers inside of her. [reader] has to tell ashley to do one at a time slowly since as to not hurt her. while she fingers [reader], ashley whispers teases in her hair "see? isn't this so much better than going to work today? way better getting fingerbanged by your best friend that sitting in that fucking office all day, huh? you like it, too, i can tell. you're so loud and whiny. i bet nothing and no one else has made you feel this good before, huh? and nothing ever will."

ashley brings [reader]'s hands to her boobs while they scissor each other, telling [reader] to squeeze them and rub her nipples. omg... omg omg omg ashley would definitely force [reader] to keep eye contact with her whenever they have sex. she tells [reader] to keep her eyes on her or else she'll stop thrusting the dildo in and out of her. UUUGGGHH!!! LOVE HER LOVE HER!!!

let's go lesbians

----

coff-in

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #28

Batgirl (2000) #12 writer: Chuck Dixon pencils: Dale Eaglesham

Batgirl (2000) takes a break from the usual creative team for a tie in to the Batman Crossover of the month, Officer Down. We've seen Eaglesham draw Cass a few times now & he's always solid. Dixon wrote for Cass back in Robin 73, which wasn't the best showing for her. Better this time, if more reliant on narration blocks than I'd like. Kind of odd that this is a 'tie in' rather than part of the story proper. Like they didn't want people to feel they had to buy this issue? I'd say it was a slight against Cass, except it's not like she was kept out of the rest of the crossover, she's in like half the issues.

But the fact that this issue is partially segregated from the rest of the crossover is convenient for me anyway, as it gives me an excuse to just look at this issue on its own this week, while next week we can bundle together the rest of Cass's appearances in the cross over.

Off the top, I have to say I really like the art in this issue. Eaglesham's fast cementing his place as my second favorite Cass artist. And not just because I like the way he draws Cass as Batgirl, but just, I mean, look at this page here, with all the details and personality packed into the scene. Kudos also to Jason Wright, the colorist for this issue, for really capturing this warm cozy homely interior, almost nostalgia-sepia-toned, while everything outside is cold and wet and blue. A single page that really captures Cassandra's isolation. At this point in her story she's basically living as Batgirl 24/7. No alter ego, no normal life, no friends. Not even really any connections apart from her somewhat fraught relationship with Barbara and her extra fraught relationship with Bruce. To see Cass on the outside looking in at the sort of connections that seem so impossibly distant, especially after the run in with her father last issue, it really works.

I also love these panels of Cass navigating Gotham, moving around like a shadow, often in the background or in silhouette. Bits like that convey the spookiness of this Batgirl a lot more than other artists who give her an angry face or emphasize the stitching on her mask or the like.

Love that panel of her rubbing her chin, thinky face clearly visible through the mask. Batman's out, so Cass decides to start investigating on her own. It's nice to see her doing the detective part of the bat-person vigilante job, rather than just leaving that part to Barbara, and Dixon does a good job of walking the reader through her thought process.

He is relying on narration blocks a bit more than I'd like, but he keeps them short and terse. Cass can talk now, but English is still a second language, and that comes across pretty well, imo. I was very critical of Dixons last showing with Cass, but he's honestly doing a solid job with her here, and as much as I don't care for them in general, I think the thought bubbles are helping. Some writers just have a hard time wrapping their heads around a non-verbal character. I'd imagine even just a little bit of language makes thing a world easier.

That said, not to beat a dead horse here, but with Cass speaking a few words here and there like this, they could have believably gotten her to this point through her own effort by studying with Barbara, no psychics required. Just saying.

I guess it hadn't really been decided how much Cass's new speaking ability had translated to reading yet? It seems from these panels that she can read at least a little, at least enough to recognize names and dates as such, which is more than she can do later on. But clearly she's not comfortable or adept enough at reading to get much out of the police files beyond Catwoman maybe being involved, and you can feel her frustration here when she abandons the papers to finally just go ask Babs for help.

Good stuff.

Of course, Babs isn't home either.

Again, I really like the way Eaglesham draws Cass. I like it more each time he shows up in this retrospective. Love little head tilt in the first panel, love the cape in the second panel there, very dracula-esque. Love that we can kind of see her face through the mask, makes her feel like a person.

Oh, you poor random doofus goons.

There's an ok fight scene at one of Selina's safehouse, albeit against no-name mooks. The panels are well drawn, the fight's perfectly readable, but it still feels pretty arbitrary, like hitting a minimum action quota for the issue.

Regardless, Selina isn't there, and the issue ends with Cass abandoning her solo efforts to go find the others.

As an event tie in the overall issue feels... pretty unnecessary. Nothing is really discovered, the story isn't advanced at all, nothing much happens. Makes sense that it wasn't an official part of the crossover, though you're left kind of wondering what the point was at all.

Even so, I kind of like the issue regardless. Eaglesham does a spectacular job with the art all the way through, and Dixon seems to have a much firmer handle on the character this time around. We get some solid panels of Cass trying to do some detective work on her own, something we rarely see, and the excellent bit early on of her flittering around through the city like a shadow. That sense of isolation from the first page really permeates the entire issue even if if the plot never touches on it, with Cass seeking out the only two people she really knows only for both of them to be out.

So yeah, even if nothing that happens in the issue really matters much, even if it doesn't really tell a stand alone story per se, I still like this one a lot.

[thedisablednaturalist]

I’m disabled and am thinking about getting into an environmental science outdoorsy field. My joints get injured easily, I have a disease which makes being cold very painful, I’m often sick, and I get tired very quickly. May I ask, what are some of the things you’ve done as a disabled naturalist to continue doing what you want while still taking care of your health? I’m really frustrated that this would 100% be the field for me if it weren’t for my body :(

I wear knee braces and bring TWO walking sticks with me out in the field for support. I keep Tylenol and Dramamine as well as pain creme in my outdoor bag too. Before and after work I use my wheelchair so I save energy that's needed for fieldwork. During my commute I use my TENS machine to relax my muscles and get them ready for the strain (and to recover afterwards). I also always have my coworker with me incase of falls and he's really good about checking up on me. We take frequent breaks and I always make sure to have water and a snack (everyone should do that tbh). Also my fieldwork at most just involves a lot of hiking. Usually we are sitting by the stream filling out assessment forms or looking at bugs. For the cold (which also causes flare ups) I bring electric hand warmers and we use scuba gloves when we need to reach into cold streams.

Outside of work I also have a chiropractor, pain management doctor, and a neurologist who help me find solutions for my pain. Please be careful with chiropractic care as you want to get a licensed doctor, not someone who just has a certificate. Also check their reviews. I'm still in a lot of pain, but not nearly as much as before I pursued treatment.

However if it comes to a point that you can't do fieldwork don't worry, there's a ton of ways to do naturalist stuff indoors! Lots of nature/science organizations need people for data science, which may not seem that exciting but honestly I really enjoy looking through camera trap data. Having office work that involves excel or programming (or even making a PowerPoint) really helps on days I'm too physically exhausted to do fieldwork. There's also of course lab work where you do chemical analysis or look at stuff under microscopes! You would just need to make sure you can sit down in the lab (which most places won't have an issue with). You can also look into stuff like learning arcGIS, analyzing acoustic data, etc. You'd be amazed at all the opportunities that don't require hiking around.

One of my dream jobs is working at Nautilus and doing remote underwater research using an AUV (like in the videos on YouTube). That way I'd be able to sit and be comfortable while still being able to experience doing research and seeing things most people haven't.

If any of my followers have more advice feel free to respond!

[hansoheeglobal]

Part 2. The Moment When Han Sohee Just Exists

Q. When I watched "Sound Track" #1 released last year, I thought of this. ‘What would it be like to be the childhood friend of Han Sohee, a natural person?’ I think it would be fun to film it as a fake documentary.

I also like the fake documentary format. Usually, fake documentaries are often used in the horror genre.

Q. Like "The Office", you can make it into an interview format. By the way, do you have any childhood friends or middle and high school friends you keep in touch with?

There are a lot.

Q. How do they see Sohee who became a star? I think I'd be surprised every day.

just… Look at me like that. That's why we can still be friends. I have middle school friends and high school friends, but they are rather worried about me. They don't even brag about the fact that they know me, but they just sees me as Sohee of that time.

Q. Those relationships are really precious.

of course.

Q. I think the more such relationships there are, the stronger a person becomes. That's what I thought while reading Sohee's blog.

Me? I'm a total fragile, right? (laughs)

Q. ah… It's fragile. (laughs)

The reason I have friends like that is also because I treated them that way. They act without hesitation. Even when I go out drinking or having fun, I don’t hide anything. It's okay for people to recognize it. It's not like you're breaking the law to hang out with your friends. I'd appreciate it if you could recognize me. My friends also seem to feel proud when people recognize me.

Q. I saw a photo of Sohee drinking with her friends a while ago and was a little drunk, and I wondered what to say… I felt the honest warmth I felt in the inn room photos of Hwang Jeongmin, Cho Seungwoo, and Ji Jinhee.

Ah. (Laughs) That’s a little different. They are famous people.

Q. (Laughs) That’s… It's about honesty without embellishment, and it was in the title of a previous interview. Although it is a title written by a reporter, it is ‘Han Sohee, what is more important than beauty is honesty.’ Isn’t this a very important attitude in life?

Isn’t it more obvious than important? Conversely, ask the question, ‘Why can’t I be honest?’ and also ask the question, ‘Why do I have to ‘pretend’?’ I answered that there was absolutely no need for that.

Q. Another interview said that. "It’s a job that requires me to look in the mirror a lot, but I try not to look in the mirror." It also has a similar meaning.

That means this. We have a job that requires us to look in the mirror a lot, so we know what angles look good on our faces. When filming a drama or movie, it's easy to get into the habit of showing only what I want to show. When filming “My Name,” I started the habit of not looking in the mirror so I wouldn’t be bothered by the angle.

Q. There is something in line with the ‘honest attitude toward life’ we talked about earlier.

Yes. In the work, I have to become that character. The desire to show the pretty side of Han Sohee as a person becomes disingenuous in the work. In order to live the life of a character, an honest attitude in acting is to first erase it from memory without looking at where it is pretty and where it is not, and to exclude all elements outside the work. Of course, it doesn't have to continue like that. In a photo shoot like today, the purpose of the shoot is to show my most attractive side.

Q. I think you read a lot of books too.

Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the question, ‘What are emotions?’ What I read recently is '애도 일기 (Journal de Deuil).’ This book is a compilation of the memories the author recorded with her mother over the course of a year, like a diary, after her mother passed away. When reading this book, you can clearly feel the author's emotions. She said that people do not break down in an instant just because they lose someone they love. I live my daily life. Then, she breaks down when she receives a letter from her friend who lives across the river, saying, ‘I saw your mother the day before she died, and she was wearing her gray clothes.’ That one sentence made her come to terms with her mother's death. As I read, I thought about ‘time to accept emotions.’ The time we are aware of depression or sadness can be frighteningly long. So, even if you go through something and are okay now, you may not be okay two or three years from now. So shouldn’t we always doubt our feelings?

Q. What you just said is so cool. Looking closely at one's own emotional state is an essential attitude for everyone, including actors.

that's right. You need to practice objectifying yourself often. Especially your feelings.

Q. I've heard of that before. For example, write down how many minutes it took for me to open my eyes and get out of bed this morning. When I'm depressed, the time gets longer.

It could be something like that. It could be something like how many times I made eye contact with people and smiled today. How was my day today, what did it feel like, what was the temperature, and how many things did I force myself to do today? Remembering these things is very helpful in living. When you're busy, you don't even realize that your mind is getting tired.

Q. I'm a little touched right now.

The human body is more scientific than you might think.

Q. That's right. When you're physically struggling, your mind is really struggling.

It's so hard.(laughs) I can't stay up all night.

Q. Why are reading and watching movies important for actors?

There is a saying that "Sadness is the saddest when you hold back sadness, and laughter is the funniest when you hold back laughter." But there are people who laugh when they are sad, and there are people who are sad when they laugh. Sadness is not all the same sadness, but joy is not all the same joy. We have to express delicate sorrows and subtle joys that are not expressed in words. Reading a lot of books and screens is similar to preparing paint to draw emotions. Of course, drawing with 10 paints is different from drawing with 100 paints. I really want to fill it up and prepare about 1,000. (laughs)

Q. You said you were exploring your emotions earlier. Do you have anxiety among them?

why? Reporter, are you anxious?

Q. Yes. I often get anxious.

I've been reading a very thick book called "The Book of Anxiety" for quite some time. There's something impressive about the book. Everyone feels anxiety except when they sleep for 24 hours. However, we may forget our anxiety by sleeping, exercising, or simply doing simple work. This anxiety is a very thin piece of paper. So we have to diligently clean up today's anxiety and tomorrow's anxiety so that this anxiety does not build up one by one. Every day so that it doesn't build up in my mind anymore.

Q. How do I clean it up?

Have you seen the documentary “Marina Abramovic: The Artist is Present” (2011)? If you look at it, you can see a scene where you don't do anything and just stay still. I think that training is the best training for humans to get rid of anxiety. Marina Abramovich brings 30 people to her house to eat almost nothing, close their eyes and train them still in the woods. That's what I do at home these days. Staying still. I don't think about anything and just stay still, whether it's 5 or 10 minutes. I'm vulnerable to anxiety like you. But you can't live your whole life vulnerable. I'm sure we can make the human brain work differently if we know how it works. That's why I'm studying. I'm trying to fix it so that I'm not vulnerable to anxiety.

Q. I was impressed again. The desire to study and fix things is so healthy and wonderful.

It took me a lot of attempts to get here. If you leave because you don't like what you don't like, nothing will change. In the end, a person must know how to stand alone.

Q. This is the last question. What kind of actor do you want to be.

An irreplaceable actor. an absolutely irreplaceable actor.

Note: rough trans so there might be a lot of error.

[qqueenofhades]

I remember that nonnie telling you how they haven’t got a single interview since they graduated a few months ago. I was in the same situation and on Thursday I got contacted and they were supposed to interview me on Monday (that same Monday they were supposed to tell me at what time and which location) but then like at noon they told me that I was hired, so I had to go on Tuesday (today). I went and it’s a 8am-6pm schedule, Monday to Saturday. I’m a civil engineer, but in those 10hrs we were in the sun, there’s no shade or seats. Around 3pm the water ran out and that was it, they didn’t bring more. Honestly I hated the job, I wouldn’t go back but I need the “experience” because without it my hopes of getting another job are practically nonexistent 🥹 I understand it’s a tough job, but there wasn’t even the minimum requirements, no breaks, the water ran out, the temperature was around 38-40 C (100-105 F), and the bathrooms were locked 🫠 and also they wanted me to use MY car for errands, as in go print this thing we forgot, go buy some gas cause we ran out. Maybe I sound whiny, but I didn’t like it 😣

WELP. Hun, I don't know where you are in the world and what the specific labor laws might be as a result, but no matter what, that sounds TURBO SUPER MONDO ILLEGAL to me. They didn't even interview you, they expect you to work 60-hour, 6-day weeks with no breaks, no water, no bathrooms, outside in boiling heat, making you pay out of your pocket/use your own car for company errands??? Once again, it all sounds SUPER ILLEGAL. Like, not just breaking basic best practices, but as in actively constituting an illegal work environment and laying grounds for a lawsuit, especially if God forbid someone was to keel over from heat exhaustion or something.

I can't tell you what to do, and if you think that you won't ever get another job if you don't go back, that's your choice. But yeah, I don't like the sound of that at all and hope that you'll take care of yourself, even if you're obviously badly in need of a job. I suggest looking into temp agencies i.e. for office work, as those are often in high demand and at least would allow you to work inside and in a more regular way. It might not be directly in your field, but it would be safer. So yeah, either way, I would prioritize getting out of there fucking ASAP, even if it means you have to end up in another temporary role in the meantime. Honestly, everywhere is in such flux, people are moving from jobs/leaving jobs/having to pick up part-time gigs/otherwise still in the full force of COVID-related disruption, that I seriously doubt this job alone will impact on your chances of getting a new one. If you quit in disgust after a week or whatever, you don't even have to put it on your CV or mention it again, so yeah. Be safe, k?

[missazura]

Do.... Do your family know that architects also stay an awful lot in front of the computer???? To do projects??? Like yeah we do go out to visit construction sites but golly gee I spent 12 hours in front of a computer just for a deadline

thats the irony and fault in their thinking.

they make me study for an office job and get upset when i work with what's essentially the same thing. studio, office- both require to sit in front of our computer doing the work and tons of problem solving. does that mean they want me to work outside the office? a job that's more labor intensive? not really. so damned if i do, damned if i don't. honestly they're being fucking ridiculous and miserable. they haven't even worked themselves since the 1970s.

[doing-something-unholy]

Bless me Father, for I have sinned...

You would think that I am coming with you to atone for my faults and find comfort, but the truth is that I am not. I am aware that what I am going to tell you next was wrong and is really offensive but I really just want to get it off my chest, without the need to be judged or have someone listen to what I have to tell you...

When I accepted the job in the archdiocese to help them with the pending trip to the Vatican for canonization, I did not expect the workload to be enormous: if we as lay employees go crazy with everything that the Church requires of the Office of the cause of the Saints, I don't even want to imagine how the clergy have to go through it!

Between the procedures before the government, helping the nuns with the transfer of relics and the extraordinary meetings with the vicars and rectors, I have left work until 4 am... one of those days was this tuesday, after leaving the Rector Galicia in her chambers after midnight.

You know that Rector Galicia has had a cold these days, so I took him to his chambers after moving the relics to the cathedral and promised him that I would keep the ropes in the cellar...

I swear to the most sacred that my intention was only to keep the strings in the closet that was at the bottom of the cellar shelves, but when I realized it, I heard laughter... Oh Father, my professionalism yelled at me that I had to get out of there, but my curiosity was stronger.

I have never considered myself a voyeuristic, but I must confess to you, Father, I don't know what I experienced in there...

Everything I saw there felt so divine and at the same time so profane, that I began to tremble. the noises and moans made me warm... As the moans, pleas and friction increased, everything inside me was experiencing burning, tingling, desire.

I know that we can sin in thought, word, deed and omission. But what kind of sin would it be to look? I didn't plan any of that: I don't even know how I ended up in that basement at that moment: I was able to enter before taking the Rector to his house, I was able to do it the next day after delivering the passports, I was able not to do it and go home... but I did not

I have no idea if what I experienced on tuesday was a sacrilege or a religious experience: the only thing I am sure of is that I want to repeat it, I need to repeat it and if the saints who experienced divine ecstasy decide to show me the majesty of their passion; I promise you devotion on my couch, an altar in my bedroom and a shelter under my roof... living outside your country in a place where good wine abounds has its advantages.

🛐 ((nonny here: between the audio you posted here and the LOOOOOONG story inside the basement, they provoked something in me and I had no choice but to come to confess... You know what they say: race, sex or language doesn't matter, we ALL get love moans))

That sounds quite intense, to be driven to call something a religious experience but also torn between that and calling it sacrilege.

Divine ecstacy is so rarely given out by God, you're right to come to me with the task of finding out for sure. Religious ecstasy could come from oneself, the Devil, or God, we must look inward to see what draws our minds to such otherwise-sinful activities.

I would gladly help you repeat what you saw, gladly accept your devotion and make an altar of your bedroom.

[builder051]

I'll take #5 for the asks. Thanks!

5 times you did the right thing

1--This is kind of one thing but also two things at the same time: going to grad school and subsequently not staying long enough to finish a degree--That lets employers, etc. know that I have the academic skills to be accepted to an exclusive program, yet I entered the career (not just job, but career) market young and with a hugely competitive corporation. I can't work at that level anymore due to chronic illness, but having my undergrad degree, grad education experience, and career experience give a solid background in how the adult world works when it comes to having... how to put this...like, understanding the cycle of planning-structuring -materializing-error checking-using product, all whilst communicating with others. A lot of stuff (directing a film, performing an audit, launching a new product, etc), require the same steps/skillset.

2--This is really hard to put into a box in general, and the label of "good choice," or even "choice" at all, while it's probably the best way to define it, almost seems inapplicable. I believe I have relayed some of this before, but, in an absolute nutshell, (this was, like, 2018?) I found myself needing mental health services, and I needed intervention immediately. The clinic I was using for physical health had a mental health NP, but I couldn't see her soon enough, so I just went to a random clinic on my insurance's list of preferred providers. There had been kind of a miscommunication, and I wanted to call my regular GP to make sure she knew what was going on with the psych person I'd gone to, and I really wanted to leave an answering machine message, but OMG they had an answering SERVICE where a human being who had no idea who I was or what I was trying to do answered the phone. That was... not ok. Huge panic attack. I don't want to be triggery or really think about it too much, but it was... probably the worst. ever. But then @xxx-cat-xxx magically appeared on my phone, texting me in real time! I started texting back right away, and I was able to tell her that I was in a terrible state, and with her help and encouragement, I was able to get to bed safely and wake up in the morning. That was...maybe a month or so before I got close with DD? I'm very glad I stuck around to get to experience that.

3--Getting a hamster. Sif, bless her soul, was with me for 2 years and 8 months. I did register her and get her ESA card, but that was mostly because I needed her to fly in-cabin with me. We went to DD's on 31 January 2019 (when it was 0 degrees F, and actually warmer in Antarctica than in Chicago). I'm not sure if it's a me thing, but I do have reason to believe it's a more generalized sensitive, caring people thing, but knowing there's a tiny friend relying on me for food and treats and water and toys gives me at least one thing to live for. I had Livinia for a long time, and training her from wild, neglected-pet behavior to the sweetest social, come-when-called, and even lick -no-bite for tiny kisses... it made me feel so good to share time and love with her. My Mary Hamster, now, is a more independent girl, but she also goes through her clingy-cuddle times when she wants close body heat and nose nuzzles.

4-There was this one time in college (I was living with my parents and being a commuter student); I was sitting on a bench outside the classroom, waiting for the previous class to leave so our class could go in and get settled. My friend S came and sat next to me and showed me this random military ID card he'd found on the floor. My dad, retired officer turned flight school instructor, worked on the military base, so I offered to take it from S and give it to my dad, who could then turn it in to the sensitive material "lost and found" on base. S was like, yeah, sure. He didn't want to have troubles if someone thought he stole it or something. So I gave the ID to my dad when I got home, and, the next time I saw him after that, he said he'd turned it in. I now also have experience working on a military base (as a civilian contractor), and I've sat through some extensive trainings about PII and data sanitization and this, that, and the other. So, in the eyes of the stupid PII checklist, I may have apprehended a terrorist. What I probably did was make some college kid hanging onto their parents' insurance receive a really embarrassing phone call from security forces. But no buildings were blown up in the process.

5-Ok, so, let me just remind you that these 5 things are random and unranked. I might be leaving a lot of stuff out, but this is what I'm feeling right how.

Writing Battle of Troy. I completely played by NaNo rules--nothing pre-written, and every word of the first draft penned (typed) between 01 and 30 November 2018. I actually ran 02 Nov-29 Nov. The novel runs something like 74k words. I wrote a solid bit of Novemetober as well, bringing my total for the month to just over 90k. During that time, I was.... Not well. I had a status migraine (and neither I nor my medical team at that time knew what that was), was experiencing the effects of what's unfortunately a common set of circumstances felt in the older teens and young 20s of individuals with BiPolar disorder and Schizophrenia.

I pretty much never went home. I would just tote my laptop all over the place and go into one of the four or five coffeehouses I knew of, open my draft, and just keep going at it. I was having some stomach issues as well, so a diet of coffee, a winter hat pulled down to my eyebrows, and full investment in Troy's world... It made that stretch of 4 weeks not so bad.

Maybe I should've been hospitalized. Maybe I should've been under observation by...doctors? Police? Parents?

But, I chose book-writing, and nothing caught on fire.

[notyourparentstherapist]

Second Enrty

I think I wanna spend some time processing my place in the world. Both as a therapist and as someone with lived experience. My approach to therapy is inherently relational. Meaning I tend to match what ever my client needs at the time. Do we need reflective processing, gentle challenging, skills to manage symptoms and thoughts, insight and awareness about systems of oppression, education on the effects of experiences on the brain and nervous system?

I am someone who just is not stoic in my sessions. I can't do it. I am not a traditional psychoanalyst type. Wile I think all theories and approaches have something to offer I am not someone who buys into the concept that I need to be affectively neutral.

I work mostly with folx with trauma and who are queer/LGBTQIA+. I work mostly with the ages of young adults/adults. The relationships is the most important part of treatment seeing as most of the therapy centers on healing relational wounds. I feel like I can't do that if I am not authentic to myself.

Which also makes things difficult.

What does that even mean for someone like me. I am not sure to what degree my dissociation goes. All I know is the therapist part huge. I think its maybe two parts? Because work/therapy can be different and require different things. I never want to come off as a know it all or by any means more educated. I try to stay focused on empowering my clients to engage with themselves and their systems to better understand their experiences so they can make informed choices about how they want to live their lives. However that is going to look so different all the time. Plus different parts relate differently. My therapist self is different than the part of me that handles clinical conversations such as compliance, insurance, and diagnostic trainings. (I think that part really wants to get their PhD/PsyD some day). So what does it mean for me to be a real therapist when I don't ever feel real.

I sometimes wounder if my dissociation helps me do my job better. When I walk into the door of my home office or clinic office it feels like the outside world, my personal life, dissolves. The only thing that matters is the work I am doing with my clients and the clinical documentation that follows. Which makes me good at what I do, I think? One of us is always worried about being too self centered or too braggy. However, I am not "out" at work. I think some of my coworkers have put together that I have lived trauma experience. But I don't really talk about my personal life outside of superficial dynamics like my pets, my relationship, and the ongoing events. I don't go deep though I am learning to trust that coworkers can be friends too. I have a long history of keeping things separate. Work is work, we are not friends with people at work. People outside of work know I am a therapist but I don't talk about my clients or the work I do other than flavor subtext like the fact that I do holistic trauma work.

I am scared to discuss it at work. Will I get fired for being a clinician with issues? Will someone report me to the board and will I loose my license?

I am always struggled with loosing sense of the boundary, that is why I have always sought out people and places that give me clear and concise boundaries and expectations. Things simply become unbreakable rules. And if I never break them I get to fly under the radar. I guess that's a safety thing.

Anyways. I find myself staring at my master's degree and bachelors along with all the letters, art, and thank you cards my clients have given me over the years. I just do not know how to make sense of the fact that I some how got here. I did the schooling, the trainings, the exams, and now I do this work. I LOVE this work. But sometimes I can't shake the feelings that those thank you cards are for and about someone I don't know. That cannot possibly be me or what they think of me? It feels so foreign and dream like when my client's thank me.

anyways,

thanks for listening.