#i just want my day job to facilitate that which is why i was looking for office jobs

[fingertipsmp3]

Can’t tell if I actually genuinely think this job interview tomorrow is a bad idea, or I’m just trying to convince myself it is because I don’t want to do it

[fallingbyjuleecruise]

me and my mom having the same argument over and over which is her telling me that i should have a different job than the one i have and me responding w if any other job was willing to hire me i would be working there instead

[kay-elle-cee]

@jilytoberfest 31 Prompts: Day 24 || 843 Words || Read on Ao3 —

“The eclipse is going to be over if you don’t bloody move, Moony.”

“I’ll move in a minute, Peter, I just put my eye to the thing.”

“There’s a line behind us and James still has to go, hurry.”

Lily’s watching the squabble between the four men at the front of the line with amusement. There’s an urgency that overtakes people when an astrological event happens, and this solar eclipse is no different. The line behind the men is filled with several people, bouncing eagerly for their turn to look through the telescope at the Sinistra Observatory before the eclipse is complete. Looking across the heads of the crowd, she catches the eye of her coworker Alice and the two share an exasperated smile—they had known the crowds would come en masse today, and that always made for great people-watching.

The man at the telescope moves out of the way to stand by his tall friend—long black hair tucked behind his ear and looking at the line behind them with a smirk on his face.

“I knew I threw a fit about it, but getting here early was a smart move.”

The shortest of the group is now looking through the telescope, letting out a breath of awe that fills Lily with a kind of pride—a bit silly, really, seeing as how she wasn’t in control of the cosmos, just a facilitator for viewing it safely. When he finally makes to step away, the last of their group—tall with (she can’t help but notice) muscular forearms and a wild mop of black curls atop his head—steps to the side with them.

“Oh, did you not want to look?”

She doesn’t know why she’s addressed him, holding a hand out to stop the next group of viewers from moving up in line. His eyes meet hers with a bit of surprise.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

She frowns. “The next solar eclipse through this spot isn’t for another forty-seven years. Are you positive?”

His friends are doing a poor job at hiding their amusement, and maybe Lily feels a little bad at the way the man’s cheeks tinge pink but it’s a solar eclipse for Christ’s sake.

“Positive. It’s cool and all but I’m just…not very into space.”

Her hand drops and the slightly-irritated next group runs up to the telescope, all of Lily’s attention on the man. His friends take a few steps away, whispering amongst themselves as Lily’s eyes widen. “What do you mean you’re not very into space?”

“I’m just not, alright?” He casts a glance over at his friends, who seem to be enjoying the fiasco. “Are we ready?”

“Nah, mate,” the tallest one says. “We’re enjoying this.”

“But—there’s so much we don’t know about the universe…you can’t just not like it. What about space travel, or the makeup of planets or stars or the vastness of our galaxy? The fact that there’s trillions of galaxies other than our own? All the new images showing them to us in resolutions we couldn’t even dream of a decade ago?” She lets out a little chuckle of disbelief. “It’s just all so…vast. How can you not care?”

The man shifts uncomfortably, eyes flickering from her face to the line behind her as he drops his voice. “Well if you must know, that’s exactly why.”

“What?”

“There’s just…so much. So much we don’t know, so much we can’t even fathom. The amount of time it takes for light to travel or a picture to develop…it’s freaky, alright? And it just goes on forever? A beginning out of nothingness and then just…continual growth forever? Forever?” His cheeks continue to flush with his every word, Lily struck silent by the urgency in which his tirade picks up speed. “And how did the universe form in the first place? What space existed for space to appear? Nothingness? I literally cannot wrap my head around it. And we’re the only planet that sustains life? That we’ve ever seen? What the fuck?”

The man takes a breath and Lily blinks. “Wow.”

“Sorry,” he apologizes, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I just—once I get thinking on it, it kind of just—”

“Tumbles out?” she asks with a raise of her brow, a smile tugging at her lips. “I’m the same. Well, the same in the opposite, you know, opinion of things.”

“Maybe he just needs someone to properly explain things to him,” someone calls from the side, and when Lily looks, the sandy-haired man has his hand clamped over the tall one’s mouth, the shortest of the three trying to bury his snickering into the collar of his jacket.

“Oi!” Scared-of-Space yells in their direction, and Lily can see a new wave of blush travel up his neck.

“Don’t worry,” she whispers conspiratorially, “you’re not the first person I’ve met who’s afraid of space.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nods, a smile breaking out on her face. “You are the first one above the age of twelve, though.”

“Ouch.”

“I’m teasing.” Lily smiles, and he returns it with relief.

[scoopertrouper]

If you’re still taking Stancy prompts, Nancy wondering what Steve is up to while they keep their distance in s3 is always my jam. Love love love your Nancy and Steve.

my first prompt fill!

i have to be honest, i don’t know if this is really what you were looking for? like, i admit there’s altogether more jonathan than probably anyone wants to see. but alas, i banged this out in like four hours last night and this is where my brainworm took me. thanks for prompting!

also, if you want to get a more exact idea of the kind of headspace i was in writing this, you’ll just want to listen to tswift’s death by a thousand cuts on one long, endless loop.

2,200-ish words under the cut.

-*-*-*

the only thing we share [is this small town]

She sees him sometimes. 

Not on purpose. Definitely not on purpose, but Hawkins has a population smaller than the enrollments of some state colleges. It’s kind of inevitable that their paths will cross more than occasionally.

And it’s not that Nancy's avoiding him, exactly. It’s more that every time she gets a glance at him even in passing, it’s impossible not to recall the sad way he’d stared down at her the last time they’d really spoken to each other, resigned to an outcome she wasn’t even sure she herself had reconciled with yet.

It doesn’t make her feel good, and after the past year, she’s more than sick of seeking out reasons to feel bad. 

So she doesn’t avoid him, but she also doesn’t not hide behind aisles in Melvald’s when she sees him pass by. And if they happen to be walking along the same side of Main Street at the same time, it just so happens that she’ll remember several urgent reasons why she needs to cross the road right away.

But that’s not avoiding. It can’t be, because Nancy doesn’t avoid. She barrels, head on, right into even the most fraught situations, because at the end of the day she has nothing without her resolute confidence in the fact that she is right.

She is right, and nothing – not Department of Energy hacks, nor the assholes at the Hawkins Post who make a sport of changing up their sandwich orders and the way they take their coffee every other day (“See if you can solve this, Nancy Drew…”) – can shake that certainty.

(Except sometimes – sometimes/especially when she sees Steve – a creeping sense of wrong begins to slither its way in, wraps icy tendrils of doubt around her carefully guarded resolve and squeezes. Hard.

But before it can do too much damage, before it can cause the kinds of hairline fissures that turn into cracks that end in endless interdimensional bloodshed, she turns away. Takes Jonathan’s hand, and looks into his eyes, and remembers why they’re the only two people in the world who could possibly get each other. Even when she can’t understand why he hovers in uncomfortable silence while those dickheads laugh at her. Even when he doesn’t get why she just can’t stop pushing, because a job’s a job and maybe if she let up a little they wouldn’t laugh at her so much.

None of that matters, because she and Jonathan…they just make sense. The photographer and the journalist. Shared goals. Shared trauma. Right? Right. 

And so the ground steadies beneath her feet, and her breathing eases, and she sinks back into the safe surety of her belief.)

Most of the time, not-avoiding-Steve also facilitates not-thinking-about-Steve, which is easier now that he hasn’t been around town much lately. She’d heard via the grapevine – amid some derisive tittering that had irked her for reasons she preferred not to examine – that he’d gotten a job at the ice cream parlor at Starcourt, and that he wasn’t headed to college after the summer was over, because he didn’t get into a single school, can you believe it?

The guilt was suffocating. She puts it out of her mind.

So it’s a blessing in disguise that Jonathan’s aversion to crowds and hypercommercialism means that Nancy hasn’t spent as much time at Starcourt as she’d planned to once she heard they were putting in a Gap. Because less time at Starcourt meant less time not-avoiding Steve (and less time – and money – spent stress shopping).

In fact, Nancy’s been lured into such a false sense of security that she never sees the stupid commercial coming.

It’s evening, and still boiling outside, and she and Jonathan are languishing on his beat-up couch after a long day spent toiling in the darkroom (him) and chasing down a specific kind of pastrami on rye with grain mustard available only from the sole deli in Hawkins, which just happens to be about as far across town as you can get on foot (her, of course).

Nancy is the kind of mentally exhausted that means that while she’s valiantly trying to pay attention to CBS Evening News (she likes to flip back and forth between all the major network shows), she’s actually staring off into space as Dan Rather covers a TWA flight hijacking that she knows she should care more about.

The jingle of the commercial doesn’t even penetrate the fog until Jonathan scoffs.

“Christ,” he mumbles. “They’re still playing this shit on TV?”

“Huh?” Nancy grunts before she can stop herself, rousing from her stupor. (It’s only now that she realizes she’s been doodling daisies where she usually takes careful notes on each story’s lead-in.)

“The Starcourt commercial,” Jonathan says, nudging her with his shoulder. “It’s been open for, like, a month. When’re they gonna give it a rest?” 

“Oh.” Nancy gets with the program, and laughs perfunctorily at the cheesy stock footage that’s eaten more airtime over the past six months than she’d ever thought city council would have the budget for. (Huh. Maybe there’s a story there.) “I kind of forgot about it.”

“Maybe…we could check it out soon,” Jonathan says, eyeing her almost cautiously. “See if it’s as awful as it looks.”

Nancy does a double-take before she can stop herself.

“You said it’d take a literal alien invasion to get you to set foot inside that mall.” And with the bizarro turn their lives have taken over the past year, she can’t be entirely certain he’d been joking.

Jonathan shifts, and scratches the back of his head.

“Well – they do have a bookstore,” he says, defensive. “And, like, I know this internship hasn’t been what you were hoping, so it might be nice to –” His jaw drops before he can finish the thought. “Holy shit, is that Steve Harrington?”

Nancy’s head whips around so fast she almost hears a crack. And yeah, that is Steve Harrington. In vivid technicolor, standing behind a cash register next to a vaguely familiar-looking redhead with a tousled bob – Nancy’s pretty sure she’s seen her around school before.

She recognizes the discomfort in his face all too well – it had stared across the table at her every time she’d tried to quiz him on SAT vocabulary words last summer. 

Only then, he hadn’t been wearing a hideous polyester sailor costume.

“That’s new,” Jonathan says, the ill-disguised laughter in his voice so uncharacteristic that Nancy’s head whips back around again. She’s going to need a chiropractor by the time this commercial ends. “I guess we definitely gotta check out Starcourt now.”

She rolls her eyes, and relaxes the fist she’d clenched around her pencil during the seven seconds – max – that Steve had been on screen. Jonathan doesn’t seem to have noticed her tension, and she’s grateful.

“What’s so interesting about watching Steve scoop overpriced ice cream?” she deflects skeptically, sinking further into the couch, wincing as she hits a spring. Now Jonathan’s the one who double-takes.

“Um. Nancy. It’s King Steve.” She doesn’t love the way he says that. “Dressed like a stand-in for The Village People. Slinging banana splits. What isn’t interesting about that?”

“It’s just a job,” Nancy retorts, face heating. “D’you think it’s funny that I run around buying lunch and pouring coffee for a bunch of dipshits who wouldn’t know a good above-the-fold if it hit them with a two-by-four?”

“Of course not, Jesus!” Jonathan sputters helplessly, shoulders hiking up to his ears. “I just meant – I didn’t – of course I don’t think that’s funny.” His mouth flattens. “I think it’s really shitty. You’re right, I shouldn’t make fun of anyone’s job. We don’t have to go to Starcourt. I just thought it’d be something we could do together.”

He looks deflated, and all at once, Nancy feels like shit. Jonathan was so serious all the time, and usually she liked when he let that go a little bit and dropped his guard. But she’s ruined it by getting defensive, and she doesn't even totally understand why.

“No, I’m sorry,” she backtracks, grabbing his hand and linking their fingers. It’s warm, as familiar as her own at this point. “It’s just…been a shit day. I overreacted.” She just has to work harder. Make them see how serious she is about this. Make them see how good she is at this.

All at once, she’s acutely ashamed of how lax and distracted she’s been, scrawling stupid pictures all over her notepad when she should be working. Improving her craft. Showing everyone that she belongs in that newsroom. Showing them that she’s right.

In return, Jonathan’s smile is strained, but it seems genuine enough. He squeezes her hand, with a strength that still surprises her sometimes.

“Things’ll get better. You’ll see. You’re brilliant. They’ll figure it out. Eventually.” He ducks his head, then looks up again, a little more relaxed. “Speaking of ice cream…I think Mom brought some Rocky Road home last night. Two spoons?”

Nancy nods, accepting the peace offering for what it is (even though she prefers strawberry).

“Yeah…that sounds good.” He leaves to clatter around in the kitchen, and she turns back to the TV, suppressing the urge to chew on the end of her pencil (what serious journalist walks around with bit-up erasers?).

Against her will, Steve’s face plays on a rewind loop in her mind’s eye.

Maybe it was just her imagination, but he’d looked miserable, and she was pretty sure it wasn’t stage fright (he used to preen whenever the yearbook photographers were in his general vicinity. It was equal parts endearing and annoying).

Had he really not gotten into any colleges? (None of her business.) His dad probably hadn’t taken that well. (Really none of her business.) 

She should’ve tried to help him more, after the whole…incident. He’d been insanely concussed, and that couldn’t have helped with the whole college essays and applications thing. He’d already been having a hard enough time with it all.

But what could she have done? The thing with Jonathan had been so new, and every time she chanced a look at Steve, he was already staring back, hurt scrawled plainly all over his face.

It would be better now, though, right? A lot of time has passed. She’s firmly settled into her new relationship, and Steve is – Steve knows how to rebound. He’s always been good at that, on the court and in life.

Maybe she should go visit him. Not – not to laugh at him, but just to see how he’s doing.

Would that girl be there? The coworker? She’s cute, in a “probably listens to too much Depeche Mode” kind of way. So not Steve’s type. (Nancy, why would that matter?) 

But they had been standing kind of close in the commercial. Maybe they’re friends?

Nancy snorts. Steve didn’t have female friends, except for maybe Carol, and that was mostly vis a vis that shit-for-brains Tommy. In fact, after he cut the two of them out, Steve didn’t seem to have many real friends. Or any. At all. He’d focused all his attentions on Nancy.

She swallows past the tightness in her throat. Anyway. This girl. Definitely – definitely not a friend. Maybe a friendly coworker. Or…

Nancy glares at the whites of her knuckles. None of her business. 

It really isn’t. After all, she has Jonathan, and Steve has, well…whoever he wants, really. That’s never been an issue for him, not even after he’d been officially “dethroned”. Girls still lined up at his locker for crumbs of his attention, right smack dab where Nancy used to wait for him in between classes. She assumes that in that regard, not much has changed besides the venue.

In fact, she can see it pretty clearly: Steve, raking a hand through his thick hair every time a pretty girl happens to make her way into Scoops Ahoy. Drumming deft fingers against the glass of the freezer. Handing out free scoops of ice cream like they’re not gonna eventually come out of his check.

Suggesting that they stick around until he’s off-shift so they can catch a movie or – or – something else.

The pencil snaps. Startled, she stares down at her hand, where the two jagged pieces haphazardly dangle, connected by little more than a few bare slivers of wood. What the fuck?

She’s got pretty much no time to figure out what the hell just happened, though, because Jonathan picks that moment to come back into the living room, a carton with two spoons balanced in his grip.

“Sorry that took a sec,” he apologizes, and  Nancy shoves the pencil’s remains in between the couch cushions before he can notice. “Will left eggs in the pan again, and I told him he’s gotta wash them out, like, right away or it’s a pain in the ass to scrub them off later –”

“It’s okay,” Nancy cuts in, unsettled by the stinging in her palm as he flops back down beside her. Despite the heat, he curls an arm around her shoulders. It’s light, and wiry, and she tells herself she prefers it that way.

“Dan’s kind of boring tonight,” Jonathan tuts, leaning back. “Wanna see what Tom’s up to?”

Nancy nods, curling into his side and scooping a spoonful of ice cream out of the container crammed between them. It’s creamy, and deliciously sweet on her tongue.

It’s just right.

(It has to be.)

[fannyyann]

Hey there, hope you're surviving the playoffs without being too stressed!

I basicially came to Mattdrai and hockey like a certain Maria to her child. I wanted rivals to lovers and got lost in the Mattdrai tag and then in hockey. I love the panthers. Love the team, a lot of the players. Love Matthew, or rather the persona he gives us in public as that's all we will ever get. So Canon! Matthew is amazing.

I struggle with fanon!Matthew rather often, he's portrayed way too often as a woobified cry baby with zero self esteem or skill and ugly on top (do people not have eyes??)

I really love fanon! Leon. Great guy. But I struggle so much to like Canon! Leon. Honestly I try to like the Oilers and him, try to root for him. I think his pissiness towards media is fun (like the stab against the canuck's baby goalie) but he genuinely seems like a bitter, and especially BORING guy. He doesn't seem like he has fun. (The dancing video was nice and helped a bit). (And it's not because he's German, I would know). He even looks good in a boring way. He's a skilled player but the stiff way he plays without bending the knees isn't hot. He slashes but doesn't fight, which again is mean but not hot or fun. Please help me find things to like about Canon! Leon! (It's not his dog, not a huge fan). What is there that I don't see? How did people jump from that to the way they portray him in fic?

Hope you don't mind the rambling, just ignore it if you do. Happy fifth panther's playoff day!

sorry i've been sitting on this forever! but the time to procrastinate irresponsibly on something else has arrived and i now have the motivation to give this a proper answer!

i feel you on the woobification of matthew. it neither compels me nor makes sense given everything we know about him.

as for leon, i think you may have fallen into a trap of not following enough leon fans? yes, leon can be a bitch, but that's what i love about him and matthew! that's what makes the ship so fun! they both love to talk their shit and taunt guys on the ice and it's fun to watch. i also tend to think a lot of hockey players skate mostly the same way (for instance evan rodrigues and matthew have very similar skating styles but you don't see most people talk about evan's form because he's marginally faster than matthew lol) so i don't really care if his skating is technically good if it gets the job done and facilitates what he is really good at. leon's an insane passer and phenomenal at shooting from impossible angles which is very hot!!!

and bitter is pretty much the last thing i would associate leon with. there are not a lot of people who could be put in connor's shadow and a) thrive the way he has and b) become such incredibly good friends with the guy people have set him up to resent from the very beginning.

and again, i think you may just be suffering from under exposure to leon, because i don't think he's boring at all. he's such a DWEEB!! he laughs at his own bad jokes, he's his teammates' number one hype man, he's really good with kids, and yeah, he is conventionally attractive—probably one of the most in the league by pretty much all western standards lmao—that he's really fun to look at

anyway, i was going to compile a handful of my favorite leon moments, but while going through ash's leon tag to round them up, i realized it's probably waaaaay more beneficial to just peruse that at your leisure to get a good idea of why he's so endearing :')

[luv-assangiebatch]

So it starts....

I started my PrecisionMed!AU fic...we'll see how long I can go. I am also still trying to think of a title...

Julian was an intriguing man with a complicated and somewhat dangerous past.  A computer hacking genius in his teens led into a life of activism and journalism throughout his twenties and thirties.  He seemed invincible and fearless as he took on large corporations and dared to challenge national government institutions.  The website he created from his determination and brilliance allowed anonymous sources to share inside information showcasing the sins of some of the most powerful and influential people in the world.

In his never-ending quest for transparency and truth, Julian one day found himself in the crosshairs of the United States after one of their own military officers sent him an entire database of US confidential information.  Aware he was constantly tracked by the CIA and other government spies, he maintained his courage and determination in the face of such adversity.  His small team of volunteers partnered with major mainstream media outlets to expose the deepest, darkest secrets of the US which would create shockwaves for years to come.

Always so stubbornly fearless, Julian ignored the danger that constantly followed him.  He felt exposing these scandalous secrets was the best way to ensure a proper work of checks and balances for all societies across the globe.  He was clever, creative, elusive, and mysterious.  He believed he could outsmart anyone, and as his website and organization grew into a conglomerate of volunteers with unique and special talents, they all helped to protect Julian at all costs.  However, a day finally came when his most trusted colleagues helped him evade capture and incarceration, and they knew it was not safe for him to continue on this path.

Ever so headstrong, Julian did not want to back down.  This organization was his vision, the culmination of his blood, sweat, and broken sanity for over half of his life.  However, as danger continued to close in, his advisors were finally able to convince him that he needed to disappear, at least for a while, and they would continue to maintain his mission.  Julian was the face of the organization, and a very unique one at that.  He was statuesque with an ethereal, tousled, platinum blonde mane whose locks ran down the length of his slender, chiseled face.  He had deep, dark zircon eyes that shined when the light hit them just right, once they peeked out from behind the strands of hair that tended to hang over the right side of his face.  A striking man indeed, who had his share of female fans who were drawn in by his beauty and conviction.  However, it was his unique beauty that put him in danger and why his colleagues urged him to disappear for a while to save not only the mission but possibly his life.

Julian was a stubborn and prideful man.  He was no stranger to donning a disguise every now and then to avoid detection, but he refused to change himself or his look for good.  Always clever and with the help of his trusted colleagues, his hacker abilities gave way to erasing him from existence in the digital world, which in this day and age was just as good as burning a body.

Julian ended up retreating to Basel, Switzerland which was a fairly low profile corner of the political world.  A great hiding place for a political refugee such as himself.  Donations from his organization helped to get him settled, but he knew he needed to cut as many ties as possible to protect himself and his mission.  Basel was known for having a prominent biotech presence and soon enough with his doctorate and expertise in computer programming, Julian was able to land a job at a tumor profiling company as their new VP of Therapeutic Bioinformatics. While this shift in home and career was facilitated to protect himself and his original mission, he never expected to become fully immersed in it and find a whole new life—nor did he anticipate meeting her.

[athomewiththecicadas]

Life as a Senior NCO for a Head of Household that can't Provide.

I am not a woman. She literally doesn't think like a male. So, my logic doesn't contort with everything I do, as to think about being a woman.

And that's a major difference.

But as far as a Senior NCO, I raise ranks. And part of that could even look like child rearing.

Now, if I held up a product that looked like vomit bile, then I could generically say that it was a Chinese product.

T-Mobile would get fined for advertising their mobile plans.

But, I'm not a woman. I as a Senior NCO know exactly what I am supposed to do.It isn't alienated from a Mandarin setting either. The same is true for every single NCO assigned to duty.

However, my experience as a Senior spans several different genres. General Enlistment, Private Enterprise, and Birth Right.

It's easy to say you assign a singular duty of separating the men and women. But, those are seven different women, with seven different minds. And I don't think like any of them.

So let's trim down a few things.

1) Life Expectancy is still over 72 years

2) Genocide is illegal, because it's the same as fighting a hurricane. And you're just not going to get much over 200,000 before the entire world brings you to trial outside of court.

3) Roadkill is still a natural mechanism

4) If I said what everybody wants to believe, at minimum wage "it's just her," then it's a little difficult to point to which woman it is.

Well, that's half of the world's population you're pointing at.

And all of this brings me back to 2006, where "I'm simply pointing out that the money you are spending isn't that effective when it comes to maturing family facilitation."

And I have all of these young men who will volunteer, but as far as his entitlement goes, he really is at risk as time moves on, because I don't think she is offered the facilitation with spending that is going to make her qualify institutional standards.

And now, I'm stuck with employees that aren't subject to the spending they need, for a system that isn't going to produce the quality the economy expects.

And for that reason, I don't think the economy is going to do a very good job at conveying the "military values," the hard, unquestionable values we rely on, in any kind of form we expect it to, with the system we believe we are paying for.

And really what you are getting into is defining the reason why you were born. And having a reason to be born, is a much different ideology.

And now, you could expect performance to be inherently limited, if there isn't a deed to go with your birth certificate.

So when I say, "$14/hr, deed and birth certificate," these are different values then what we expect from general commerce.

Roadkill is a reasonable solution. But Chinese bile is to be expected somewhere.

Besides being a Paperboy, my first job was a Waiter. Even my experience as being a Waiter when Minimum Wage became Law, I know I'm gonna find it somewhere.

I'll go down there to the Coffee Shop and have a cup of Coffee with the Deputy, and listen to some of the stuff they're talking about. And you have to keep things in perspective.

In a few months when you start buying new smart phones for Christmas gifts, we'll find a way to relate with Christmas songs:

"Angels we have heard on high. Sweetly singing over the flame."

Which was generally preceded by:

"God rest ye merry gentlemen, give nothing to dismay. Remember Christ the Savior was born on Christmas Day."

And when they open their presents, just remember that I took my special time with all of these young men, to offer a fine.... quality.... gift.

And when you look her in the eyes, and give half the world's population such a quality gift, we'll remember, the other half of the world....

....was never as fortunate as her.

Sergeant Major Nathan Marksmith, North Wales Militia/ Joint Militia Detachment Brigade (Virginia Militia Association)

[princepestilence]

NYR: June in review.

Post-June horoscope: "Performance without rehearsal. Body without alterations. Head without premeditation. I know nothing of the role I play. I only know it’s mine. I can’t exchange it. I have to guess on the spot just what this play’s all about. Ill-prepared for the privilege of living, I can barely keep up with the pace that the action demands. I improvise, although I loathe improvisation. ... I’m standing on the set and I see how strong it is. The props are surprisingly precise. The machine rotating the stage has been around even longer. The farthest galaxies have been turned on. Oh no, there’s no question, this must be the premiere. And whatever I do will become forever what I’ve done.”

A little late to it this month. This year is disappearing very fast. I don't think any other year has gone quite so quickly? But I suppose a lot is happening all the time, so maybe that's part of it. For example:

Decorate room. I've put a lot of art up above my desk now, which I love so much. It's made it such a bright spot in my room when I wake up, or when I'm doing things (such as this right now) at my desk, and I look up and see all this that I love. There's still space for more, so I will keep adding to it. .

Thesis work. I've gotten a lot done, which feels good. Especially since I spent a week totally out of it from a cold. That was time down the drain, and very annoying, but I can still catch up and stay on track so it's fine. .

Go on a day trip. A fun little break in routine! I saw a handsome tree-kangaroo up close and the devils decided to be active while I was there, which was an unexpected delight. .

See family + friends. Always more to see, but it's nice to see the ones I can when we get the chance. .

Played Dread for the first time. The game unfortunately did not go great (the friend GMing it was inexperienced, didn't really read / understand the rules and mechanics, and I think is maybe too much into D&D in a way didn't mesh with the goals of Dread) -- but the whole time it reminded me how much I love GMing for the game and how badly I would like to do that again, so I'm going to do that as soon as I can once the dissertation is submitted. .

See some live music. The band played mum's funeral song as their finale, which in my heart I always knew they would. She would have loved it. .

Second work anniversary. Time goes on! It's been two years since I started at my "new" job, so now it is just my job, and I've found my feet with it and started making it fit me instead of the other way around. I am very very happy here.

In July, I will:

Complete the full final draft of my thesis. I'll be sending this draft to my supervisor on Sunday 21 July -- so pretty much two weeks from now. I still feel so far from where it needs to be, but I am electing to be energised by this anxiety instead of paralysed. I am also so so excited to be so close to really and truly finished. The video-games call to me. The time with my friends calls to me. The fiction manuscripts I want to write call to me. They are all calling to me and I am yelling back I know! I know! I'm trying, god, why don't you do this and see how long it takes you. But alas. I am to blame for all of it, all of the time. .

Facilitate the writers festival panel. Speaking of things that take up my time which I am to be blamed for: in a week, I'll be hosting a fun panel at a writing festival and talking to some authors about fairytales. No-one made me do this. I was asked to do it and I said yes, and so have effectively wiped a valuable day of thesis work off the calendar. On the bright side, I like to be paid to do things I already want to do. .

Doing right by my health. Sort of, anyway. I have a general check-up booked for later this month, and yesterday had my first meeting with someone to talk about grief and all that. More to do on this front, of course, but when isn't that true.

[katherine862]

Well, unfortunately, it is about time I stop yearning for optimism and get back to the bitter taste of determination. I am out of time and money, so I need to go look for a real job. Mind you, I am not giving up on the series, but it is abundantly clear that success is still a very long ways away for me. This has certainly been a learning experience, though. The price of properly making a book is certainly an inhibiting factor, and I honestly did not expect it to be as bad as it is. I will certainly think twice before gawking at a typo in the future, knowing how much it costs to get a full book properly edited. I am not saying that people are charging too much either, it just is a lot of work that takes a deal of time. Really makes me understand why publishers typically opt for just the first one thousand words and just let the rest stand. Being an engineer taught me that a second pair of eyes is important to any design, but being an indie taught me that I can't afford the luxury. Then there is the price of obscurity, which I question if I can ever afford to get out of. People expect quality books, so getting started without already being talented means you are on your own until you manage to dig yourself out of that hole. The price of advertisement is honestly terrifying, and, even then, it is just the price of being seen not the price of actually building a following. So far I am still very much in the red, and I doubt that will change any time soon. All of that really does put into perspective why publishers would be so market driven with what they advance. Between the cost of advertising and editing work, and book cover art if you don't do that yourself, it is no small investment to get a book out of obscurity and into people's hands. It makes sense to me why most of what see the light of day would either have an establish track record or be representative of some proven data set. Otherwise, you just end up like me, doing my best to make art, but hemorrhaging money along the way. We get what we pay for I suppose, I just worry that if no one can get started without being at the mercy of either a publisher or pure luck, than what will be left when all of the "old guard" leave? Who is finding and facilitating the "new guard" so they can grow and fill those vacancies? All of this also puts into perspective the nature of publishers and AI writing. If indies struggle and publishers want "old guard" level material from the "new guard," it only makes sense that they would just want to train AI to forever write like their profitable old guard, instead of taking the risk on bringing up the new guard. We very well might see a day, if we don't already, where art is only viable for the lucky who can gain an audience, and the commercial end of things turns into a system of necromancing AI writers forever regurgitating the styles of the old guard. But, that said, I am making Sentinel Stories for a purpose, not a profit. So, if I have to make it a second job, then that is just the path I will have to walk. In the meantime, I certainly don't expect to be pulling off any "fifty thousand word count books in a month" stunts like I did before. I always knew deep down that I never had the luck, skill, or community to make this viable on its own, but at least I tried and failed. Now all that is left is for me to do is to take a drink of the foul tasting determination and get back to work. The art in my head is not going to manifest itself, nor is it going to pay my bills, so I have my work cut out for me.

[the-pm-edible]

See, it's just this:

I'm too cheap to spring for a real blog.

I'm autistic and ADHD. Self-diagnosed, of course because I was born in approximately The Middle Ages, and "Autism / ADHD / being trans" Was Not A Thing.

(I assure you: We did. It all existed then, too. Really. But Society basically shamed, beat, and/or killed us for it. So. Y'know, you adapt, mask your real self, or die )

My brain only really works when I have THC onboard. The world in general (as I perceive it) is flat, two-dimensional, and in black & white.

THC raises me up, like being pulled up out of Flatland and being able to look down on that cold grey reality. I can see the connections now between things. I start to understand the timelines of things. I start to understand things like foreshadowing and call-backs, and character arcs in the stuff i read or watch.

I make things more efficient on THC. Because I start to understand processes. "Oh. See, this would be better / easier / faster if you just did /this/" ... and lo and behold, it is.

I see what I'm doing wrong in my life and my marriage (if you want to call it that when 2 autistic people of vastly disparate views on Stuff types, amounts, and location and who don't communicate well decide each is the other's "eh, good enough") and get married so that Thing 1 can buy a house and property to facilitate Thing 2's impulsive decisions regarding exotic pets... but I digress)

Anyway, I see behaviors that I have. I hear from the shard whose Event caused that behavior. I start to see why that would be triggered by this current event. Again I'm making connections.

I know I have significant time blindness, which actually helps in a job like mine, but that also means I forget to eat, i forget to get up and move, i forget to hydrate.

The PM Edible is the thing that causes my disparate little Shards - of emotions, of memories, of feelings -- to get time out of lockdown.

This tumblr is their equivalent of Open Mic Night. Who ever wants to say anything, feel anything, pontificate on something, take your shot.

Some of them chase butterflies. Some sit and analyze things abd processes and connections.

Some of them, well, *one* of them longs for some sort of real world connection. Which is unavailable.

I talk to no one, regularly. I spend all day in my office with the door cracked open barely, headphones on as I mine data.

I go home from work, do dishes, eat something, and then go to bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat

So, no real-life people, and no online people either.

I guess this thing is just me screaming into a void, sending out another gold record trying to capture the experience of an insignificant life on earth, on the electronic equivalent of a Voyage probe.

[demoreelrewound]

Rebecca Stoné

Why act when nobody says you can act?

Canon traits: expressive, outside-the-box thinker, proactive, confident while still conscious of what others think, intensely loyal, protective, a violent streak kept in check, a staunch feminist with much to learn, embracing her feminine side

Canon backstory:

Rebecca is a 23 year old aspiring actress that worked many different jobs trying to decide her course in life, one of which was in adult film. Her childhood was one of parental emotional neglect and casual criticisms which led to her being vulnerable to sexual abuse by her uncle, something that she still bears psychological scars from underneath her positive exterior. Following her time at an acting college she directed and performed two solo plays - Hamlet and Titanic - which served to channel her bodily autonomy and feminist beliefs into art. She recently lost her pet cat to an accident involving a washing machine.

My ideas:

As mentioned in the tags of my childhood vs adulthood picrew, I venture that her family, alongside its other flaws, was one based on traditional ideas of just about everything - this is due to the presence of her grandmother, Margaret, in the Stone household. She was the one looking after Rebecca as a young child when her parents were working, instilling the same values she was taught as part of her role as matriarch (well, taking over from the now dead patriarch aka her late husband). As much as this was damaging, the strong women in Rebecca's family gave her something to work with.

As for said parents, Eric and Dawn, they are art/antique dealers that sometimes travelled abroad to facilitate auctions or value something. When they were home, they'd bring back beautiful gifts and clothes for her as apologies, as well as take her to the theatre on special occasions. Having a child was more of an expectation than an active choice, that and they wanted a more sedate child.

Their love of the vintage and outdated added to the generally old-world atmosphere of the house, with crockery and porcelain figurines all over the place that Rebecca played with. This environment when combined with her energetic, active personality made her the target of jokes at school. She was neither a full tomboy nor a girly girl nor super geeky - she didn't fit in much of anywhere outside the drama studio or after school clubs. Very awkward if and when anyone came over and had to stare at a bunch of taxidermies and dolls.

When it comes to her uncle and what he did, she was initially not aware of the wrongness of it all, but nevertheless felt intensely detached from her body. She became more withdrawn, easily irritated, skipping school - this was around the age of eleven to fourteen, so it impacted her grades and choice of boyfriends as well. At sixteen, she gave a boy two black eyes and a broken nose for trying to touch her and for harassing one of her friends - finally Eric and Dawn paid attention.

What she said in the caffeine high is vebatim what she said to them that evening, but no one believed her about Frank, especially not Margaret. They basically forgot the next day and enrolled her on anger management courses and extra lessons to hike up her grades, which she passed almost purely out of a need to escape.

Like Tacoma, college was a chance to grow into herself - she shifted from complete repulsion over touch to craving it, a continuous back and forth she struggles to predict even now. This was likely when she discovered her attraction to women as well as men.

Stoné was a typo Donnie made in the credits one time and it stuck as an inside joke ever since.

[responsivedeck]

Educative Tips for Government, Families, Teachers and Trainees

Arancoach.com

IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION

SCHOOLING! A word of which animates my facial area whenever I listen to it. According to Search engine, education is the steps involved in facilitating learning, or simply the acquisition from knowledge, skills, prices, beliefs and patterns. Well, to me, education and learning is the learning about completely new ideas, places as well as the world itself.

You will find a great difference relating to being literate in addition to being educated; the opportunity to read and be able to write is being literate despite the fact that being educated is planned to be able to reason, to utilise your ability to study and write to your great advantage.

Arancoach.com

We ask our self sometimes, why is learning important, education is in our day-to-day recreation, I strongly think that by the time that you are through with this post, you would be able to be aware of the importance of education.

To begin with, being educated tends to make a person happy. An informed person has minimum job insecurity, simply no inferiority complex like he/she would be able to look after his/her word at any place and anytime resulting from his well organized idea the world. Truly, schooling is not the key so that you can happiness, but it is going to be key to a lot of other suggestions which come together to earn you happy.

Moreover, being educated provides each will to keep wanting till you thrive. An uneducated man may have better mental and labour potential, but there will be the possible lack of understanding of multiple strategies to achieve their ambitions which is an barrier.

Being educated moreover leads to economic improvement of the nation. As soon as people of a region are EDUCATED rather than LITERATE, they would certainly carve ways to become self sufficient. Should the people in a the community are economically free, it will serve being stepping stone to be able to combined productivity leading to the economic progress of the nation in general. Countries like Paris, Canada, Japan, Israel and the United states had been ranked the 5 most educated international locations in the world because of the % of people who visited school up to a tertiary level even so the question is: tend to be they really qualified?

An educated person could keep up with evolution. You can actually only keep up with story if you are aware of all of them. When I say progress, I mean things like Whatsapp. Imagine what the earth would be like with no Whatsapp, Facebook, Nimbuzz, Skype, etc, ever since all these are made to shorten life.

Education will make one logical. A uneducated person would likely see evolution being an evil machinery. Consider, being educated doesn't necessarily mean you can't go through or write, it signifies you can't apply a person's literacy in your day-to-day life. I is talking to a woman around my area and this lady was telling us that online shops include the devil's machinery. Think, does this really mean this person simply cannot read or compose, of course not, this girl can read along with write but it only just means she is uneducated. I had to take period to let her recognize that online shops makes procuring easier for a chaotic person and also the additional benefits attached to this even though it has a disadvantages like rip-off, but only a uneducated person, actually, I don't entail an illiterate however , an uneducated man or woman who would be defrauded.

[roll-da-credits]

Hello! Could I please request Hawks with really outgoing and bubbly reader that really likes him, but also rejects every time because inside she feels unlovable and too damaged to actually be with someone, so she dodge the topic of dating even tho hawks clearly likes her too. She doesn't want to burden him with her childhood trauma, but ofc she doesn't know that he also has one and maybe he makes her talk somehow and there is confrontation?

Kindred Hawks // 1.8k words

Hawks has always been known for his rather flirtatious attitude, but when you're on the receiving end, it's kind of difficult to feel worthy of his attention.

Hi there! Of course you can, I'm so so so so so so sorry this took so long lmfao I didn't have the energy to do it for a while now, but I think I'm back to my feet and I hope you enjoy this! It's always a pleasure to write for the annoying birdman. P.s because you didn't mention what kind of childhood trauma I didn't mention it explicitly, but there are signs that it's connected to her parents. I just didn't say how

“How’s it going down there?”

“Nothing much to be honest, what do you expect, it's been pretty peaceful these days.”

You answered Hawks’ question from the comms. The patrol you were doing right now was one of many you’ve experienced together. Most of the time Hawks would watch the skies whilst you’d watch from rooftops, being on the ground would attract too much attention from either of your fans so this was a better way to watch out for villains.

It had started not too long ago, both your agencies decided to work together to facilitate a healthier relationship between heroes, it was just pure luck that you got paired up with the winged hero. Looking back you didn’t know if that meant you had good luck or bad luck, seeing as how you and he had hit it off almost immediately, becoming friends rather quickly.

“Well, it seems that there might not be any action today.”

You heard Hawks mutter, not from the comms but from beside you, as he had landed. You chuckled and sighed out loud, letting your body lean back to the rooftop. As much as you were happy that there wasn’t any crime going on, it can get a bit boring just watching people go about their daily lives.

“That’s a good thing though right? That means we’re doing our job correctly if no villains are coming out and attacking.” You exclaimed loudly, really proud of the way Japan was conducted these days.

Sure there was some trouble with the League but aside from that, minor crooks and petty thieves were close to nonexistent by now.

“That being said, why not you and me leave this place huh?” You rolled your eyes at this, knowing exactly where he was going, “Oh come on!! Don’t roll your eyes, let's just take a break for a while, an hour or two to eat lunch in that new cafe down the street.”

A sense of foreboding crept up to you, though you quickly shrugged it off before Hawks could be able to tell. You turned towards him with a smirk, fully intending to tease him.

“You asking me on a date Hawks?”

“If you so want it to be one.”

The two of you burst into loud laughter after staring at each other for a short while. You smiled to yourself enjoying the fun little flirtatious interactions with Hawks. It happened quite often, so often in fact that you didn’t think much of it anymore. At first, his flirtatious nature had shocked you and flustered you beyond comprehension, in which his response was to tease you even more.

But as more time go on, you’ve gotten used to him. Knowing truly that he doesn’t actually mean it, a bitter feeling settled in your stomach the more you thought about it. Of course, he didn’t really mean it that way. He was a hero that was always in the public light, a celebrity. He would need to make good relationships with all the people he met, including you.

Perhaps that was why he was insistent in taking you to lunch every so often when you both weren’t busy.

“Sorry, casanova but I’d like to not get fired from my job by leaving my post.”

You spoke before ending the conversation by switching channels in your comm to the people behind the scenes in your agency, cutting off whatever Hawks was about to say to you. The day was then spent as uneventful as it started. Nothing big really happened. There was one thief that tried to steal an old woman’s purse, but that was easily dealt with a few of Hawks’ feathers and your communication skills with the old woman.

As the moon rose higher and higher to the sky, it meant your partnership for the day with the Hero was coming to an end. You were situated for night patrol in a different part of the area. The agreement after all was for him and you to partner up with each other for day patrols. Now on the ground, you both were walking side-by-side on the street, loving the cold winds of November.

“How about dinner then? I mean, I finish early today, what about you sweet cheeks?” You scoffed at his pet name, it was both endearing and annoying.

“Sorry birdbrain, not interested.” You muttered.

Hawks was about to complain to you about how you were so accepting of other people’s invitations to go to lunch or dinner when it isn’t him when he noticed something off. When he looked towards you, he realized as the two of you were walking, your eyes were trained to a couple, both their hands holding a small child in the middle of them.

All three of them were laughing, the child was wrapped tightly in a warm scarf, both the father and the mother looked at each other with such love before going back to laugh at whatever the child had said. He noticed a sharp intake of air from you. As quickly as the mood changed it went back to normal.

“Well, Hawks, this is where we separate, it’s always a pleasure to work with you. Maybe we can catch a bite some other time.”

You always said that, always said that there would be another time or another chance where you’d say yes to his offer. Yet it never came. He quickly disregarded his thoughts when he saw you look at the small family, cracking a couple of jokes on how you would never go out with him and then bidding you farewell.

After that little incident, he watched you much closer than he’d like to admit. It wasn’t because he was being creepy, he just wanted to know why you seemed so quiet when you saw that family. His observations showed a small pattern, you seemed more apprehensive when you were around him.

More skittish, almost. He noticed how you’d bring up on the offer of dinner or lunch or simply just to hang out when it was any other person other than him. It brought a sort of heaviness in his heart. He didn’t know how to feel about it.

On one hand, you were nothing but genuine and lovely when you both were around each other, and yet why did you push him away every time he tries to start a relationship. The uncertainty on how you felt was what got you in this position right now.

“What are you talking about?” You nervously chuckled.

One of Hawks’ hands pinning you to a wall behind you, his face closer to yours than you would’ve liked, causing a furious heat to cover your face.

“I asked the question I want you to answer, I swear I won’t react terribly, and if after this you feel uncomfortable with me around I’ll get it seen that you’ll be partnered with someone else other than me tomorrow. Why will you not go out on a date with me?”

If your hearing didn’t betray you, the hero himself almost sounded pleading. Your mind raked itself of any kind of excuses it could come up with. Maybe you could say you had a boyfriend already, but that wouldn’t work as you’ve told him once before that you weren’t looking to date anyone. Maybe you could say you just didn’t want to date, but you had a feeling he would’ve known you were lying.

So, with a look to his bright eyes, you sighed, shrinking from his intense gaze.

“I-” you started, “I just don’t want to burden you, if that makes sense.” You looked away, almost ashamed of what you said.

You could tell Hawks faltered slightly, he stayed quiet for a moment before speaking out in a tone just above a whisper.

“Why?”

It was one word, just one word, plus the situation he placed you in that caused you to crash. Bubbling with frustration and anger. The emotions you’ve been trying to bury deep inside of you, the emotions of your attraction to him, finally blowing up.

“God damnit Hawks, it's because you deserve someone more!” You humorlessly chuckled loudly, “You deserve someone much more your league. Not someone literally followed by the shadows of her past, not someone like me.” You whispered that last part.

The silence that greeted you after saying all of that was deafening, You wondered how he was going to react. Was he going to let you go and pretend nothing happened? Was he going to laugh at you?

Turns out, you were wrong.

Instead, both his hands wrapped around your back and pulled you close to his chest. His head nestled into your neck as both his wings cover the two of you from public view, though it was nighttime already.

“I’m glad,” the moment he felt you stiffen in shock he pulled you away and quickly tried to explain himself, “I mean, I thought, I had thought that you just didn’t like me but didn’t want to seem mean, that’s why you kept refusing me.”

It was refreshing to see the casanova hero chuckle nervously. Face as red as his wings, one hand scratching the back of his neck, the other inside his pockets as he tried to look anywhere but you.

“So you actually meant all of those times you asked me out?” Your question caused all the embarrassment to leave the winged hero, snapping him back to the reality that you were the one who showed a fragile part of yourself.

“Of course,” he spoke in such an earnest way that it made your heart clench painfully, “Of course I meant it, I meant every single compliment I’ve ever given you.”

A part of you still didn’t believe him, “Even after what I told you? You’d still have me as a date?”

“I won’t take it back now just because something happened in your past, we’re all haunted by some forms of our past, I don’t need to know what it is to know it’s probably a heavy burden. Let me help you ease that burden.”

His voice was smooth and calm as he neared you again, one gloved hand holding onto your chin tilting your face upwards to him.

“Let me be someone you trust enough to share that burden, I don’t mind it, we’re all who we are right now because of what happened in the past. I won’t say I’m glad you had to go through that, but whatever happened in the past brought the two of us together and for that, I’m eternally grateful.”

You didn’t know what to say. You opened your mouth to just say something, thank you, or anything. But nothing would come out. You just stared at him. It caused him to chuckle as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours.

“You’ll come to know that I have my fair share of burdens from the past, but I’m working to get past it myself. All that aside, now I give the question back to you,” he locked his eyes into yours, “Will you go out with me? Dinner in a couple hours?”

With his words, the apprehension, fear, and feeling of undeserving slowly left your shoulders. It made you feel light, he made you feel light.

“Sure.”

[ashesandhackles]

Deconstructing Harry: The boy we meet in Philosopher's Stone to the man in Deathly Hallows

I have often seen fans talk about how nebulous Harry is as a character, especially in the earlier books. They can't make sense of who he is as a character and other more colourful, more actualized personalities take over our attention from any traits Harry might display. Harry becomes more defined for a lot of people OOTP onwards where he displays traits that sometimes make him unbearable or unlikable.

Harry, as we are introduced in PS, has a very little sense of self. He is narratively self deprecating or plays down his presence or skills, not that he is aware he has any. He grew up without any presence of him displayed in the house - no photos, no idea about his parents or what they look like or what really happened to them and discouraged from asking questions. Harry as we meet him is neglected, rootless about his identity and longs for escape. For him, every day is a battle against Dudley, who bullies him or Vernon, thus setting a worldview that never truly goes away: him vs adults. But just because Harry doesn't attach traits or values to self, does not mean he does not have it.

It's an effective narrative tool though - for Harry to be our eyes of the world. Only in later re-readings can we get a grasp of the traits that become more pronounced as books go on. Also, it's not surprising that Harry develops a better sense of self when he is removed from an abusive home.

Let me begin with this:

1. Harry is a fighter

One of the things that struck me in later re-readings is that how much of a fighter Harry is, from the very beginning. He will not lie down and take abuse. The narrative presents it as no big deal, because Harry doesn't assign any importance to it - it's every day life for him.

-Verbal standing up-

See his reaction to Uncle Vernon and the letter fiasco. He stands up for himself, even if it falls on deaf ears. "I want my letter - as it is mine!". Later on, in the same book, a completely befuddled 11 year old Harry stands up to Snape too, but in a politer way: "I think Hermione knows the answer. Why don't you try her?". He gets less polite with Snape as books go on. Harry's humor is something he employs liberally with Dudley when standing up to him - "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick" and we see this trait manifest into the sass we all know and love.

- Fight or flight-

He is remarkably good at "fighting himself out of tight corners" as Snape put it. And although Snape attributes it to luck and more talented friends, he is onto something about Harry's ability to worm out of tight corners. He lives moment to moment in a dangerous situation - relying on his nerve, very fast reflexes and athleticism. He is also able to notice things in an environment that will get him out of a quick pinch. You see this clearly in Department of Mysteries in Book 5 where he comes up with the idea to smash shelves, the mad idea to escape on a dragon, the ministry escape where he manipulates Runcorn's image (as he noticed how people were reacting to him) to create chaos and get the Muggleborns and the trio out, Chamber of Secrets when he instinctively understood the diary is the source of power and stabbed it.

Where does the athleticism and ability to spot dangerous situation come from? This boy has spent a decade cheeking Dudley and running away from his gang, spotting when he needs to get out of the way as "long experience had told him to be out of Uncle Vernon's arms reach" or "ducking when Aunt Petunia aimed a frying pan at his head". The instinct to see a dangerous situation develops over the course of the books in his adventures - to the point Harry unconsciously brings out his wand in Tottenham road without thinking too much about it. He is almost always wary and less quick to lower his wand.

When hiding/ escaping is not an option, Harry is not above physical fighting - despite how small and skinny he is in Book 1. Both he and Dudley fight for a chance to listen at the door when letter first arrives for Harry. Dudley wins the fight. Later on, Harry jumps Uncle Vernon from behind and hangs on to his neck to get his letter. He even does the same thing to the troll in the same book. ( Then over the course of series, we see him beat up Sirius in Book 3, Malfoy in Book 5, strangle Mundungus in Book 6 - all of these are related to his fury over the dead, so different context. But still).

- Manipulation/ Cunning-

11 year old Harry even tries sneakily - waking up early to get his letter (unfortunately didn't work). The other sneaky methods he has employed throughout the series is - not telling Dursleys at end of PS that he is not allowed magic at home, threatens Dudley with it in COS, not telling them Sirius is innocent to play up the threat of a murderous godfather to keep them accountable, and also the smooth way he negotiates with Uncle Vernon for Hogsmeade letter. ("Well it will be hard work, pretending to aunt Marge that I go to St Whatsits" ,"Knocking the stuffing out of me won't make Aunt Marge forget what I could tell her"). He similarly displays his negotiation and playing to what he knows about people with Slughorn in Book 6, Pettigrew in Book 7.

The scene with Slughorn is disturbing, with Harry coercing a drunk Slughorn to give up his memory. You can argue that this is the influence of Felix Felicis, but I think the potion acted more as facilitation. The disturbing way Harry brings up his mother's murder to unnerve Slughorn is his own doing. ("Voldemort stepped over my father's body towards mum" "I forgot - you liked her, didn't you?"). Again, in a life threatening situation, Harry plays to Pettigrew's latent guilt: "You are going to kill me? After I saved your life? You owe me Wormtail!"

2. Relational justice over abstract justice

Harry's concept of justice is relational and based on his high empathy for the underdog. He notices power dynamic in a situation and empathises with the victim. This is in contrast to Hermione, who has more abstract, bigger picture view of justice. It's no wonder that Hermione is the one who is the most political of the three.

His high empathy for the underdog and needing to stand up for them is because he feels responsiblility that no one should go through what he went through. He stands up for Neville in PS and encourages him to stand up for himself. When he sees his father bullying Snape, it is not about an abstract "this is wrong behavior". Harry goes further: "Harry knew what it felt like to be taunted among a circle of onlookers" , Harry focuses on young Snape's mismatched clothes because he himself knows what it's like to wear clothes that are not yours or ones that make you look ridiculous. His empathy extends to Voldemort too - understanding why he may not want to go back to his orphanage and desire to be in Hogwarts, wondering why Merope wouldn't stay alive for her son, his fixation with Voldemort's maimed soul in King's Cross chapter and later asking Voldemort to feel remorse (" I have seen what you will become otherwise"). Even his reaction to Dobby in COS - "Can't anyone help you? Can't I?" when Dobby talks about his slavery. Hermione is usually seeing the bigger picture, Harry sees the individual.

3. Pathological mistrust of adults

He is less likely of the trio to take an adult at their words or be assured by them when they say they are taking care of things. He has learnt, from a very young age, that he is always expected to take care of himself. And the times he does take things to adult, they consistently disappoint him - by patronising him or acting like he is a child, neither of which he has tolerance for or appreciates. This is why he takes to Sirius and Lupin, who exhibit neither of these communication patterns. In some ways, Mr Weasley too.

Umbridge's abuse of him for him is framed as a battle of wills between her and him, as if he is an equal. And he loses if he complains - "not giving her a satisfaction of knowing she got to me". Harry's worldview has always been - adult vs him.

His inability to trust adults even extends to the ability of adults he likes to look after themselves. While Sirius is understandably a wreck in OOTP, he has by and large followed Dumbledore's orders. This doesn't register with Harry (Ron points it out: "Sirius listens to Dumbledore even though he doesn't like what he hears") and Harry's fears about Sirius, excaberated by Sirius's tendency for recklessness, comes to play.

He even showed similar distrust in Lupin's judgement in taking a potion from Snape in POA ("Harry felt the urge to knock the goblet out of Lupin's hands" and tries to hint at Lupin that Snape will "do anything" for DADA job). And he shows this once again with the most magically powerful wizard he knows - Dumbledore. ("if I tell you to abandon me and save yourself, you must do so". Dumbledore has to insist on this before Harry nods reluctantly. It's also Dumbledore's wording, but this is a wizard Harry feels safe with almost entirely because of his power - and yet Harry cannot obey an order like this without reluctance). It's not about Harry's own ability to take care of them - he just innately cannot leave people to it.

4. Humor as a value and coping mechanism

Harry has an established coping mechanism by the time we are introduced to him - quip in the face of danger/ dark humor. There are repeated instances of Harry amusing himself with snarky comments in his head when things are really bad for him. Like in PS, when they are in the hut, Harry wonders if the roof will fall in and then thought that if it did fall in, he might be warmer. In the earlier books (before his growth), he seems to value Ron over Hermione simply because he is more "fun". Harry enjoys being around funny people like Ron, Weasley twins, later Ginny simply because there is some dark stuff happening with him and he needs "fun" people for semblance of normalcy, escape. In fact, this desire is so strong, he attaches it to his romantic relationships: Ginny is a "blissful oblivion" and times with her are "something out of someone else's life". His relationship with Cho failed because her coping mechanism is discussing her trauma and Harry's is escaping it.

-dealing with conflict with people he likes, small digression-

A part of his growing up in later books includes valuing Hermione as much he values Ron and we see it in display in HBP, where he is more willing to stand up for her to Ron (something he kind of did more quietly before in POA - "can't you give her a break?" ) and also get confrontational with her instead of using Ron as a buffer between them to fend off her more boisterous/ bossy tendencies. ("let him make up his mind" "skip the lecture" "don't nag" - Ron took the heat in earlier books. In HBP, Harry is more willing to be irritable with her in a day-to-day interaction - "I hope you enjoy yourself" he tells Hermione when she states her intention to investigate Half Blood Prince. Or when she tests the book - "Finished? Or do you want to see if it does backflips?" "Do you have rub it in Hermione, how do you think I feel now?" at the end of HBP. ) In OOTP, his best method to deal with her when she bothers him was lying, avoiding her nagging and if that doesn't work, explode and treat her to display of his temper. There is more to explore here, of course - even with regard to how he deals with Mrs Weasley in Book 4, 5 and the difference of him hugging her in Book 7.

5. Fascination with the dead/ a passive death wish

Harry feels remarkably little sense of betrayal knowing that he was set up to die by Dumbledore. His self sacrificing streak is rooted in his love, yes, but I also think Harry is a little bit too fascinated by death, not surprising considering most people he loved are dead. Him wanting the resurrection stone in DH, him obsessively spending time at Mirror of Erised (to the point he feels feverish and Ron thinking he looks strange) until Dumbledore stops him, him almost wanting to fail to learn a Patronus because he wants to hear his parents voice, the hearing of whispering voices in the Veil in OOTP which only Luna could hear apart from him, the scene at the grave where he almost wishes he was "lying under the snow" with his parents, the possession scene in the book of OOTP has him wishing to die so he can be with Sirius. You can almost argue the Harry has, in many moments, shown raw desire of death. In fact, him choosing to let go of the stone and not go looking for it is a big character decision for him.

I also want to address Harry's temper and how that develops over course of series, the implications of understanding the people he loved and put on pedestal are flawed - but I am afraid this post is already way too long. So I will leave that for some time later.

[focsle]

How did you go about discovering your past lives? Do you have any pointers for people who want to find out more about their own past lives?

I don't feel comfortable giving specific pointers on how to do it as I don't feel it's my place and wouldn't want to be responsible for being seen as a source for guidance on anyone doing any kind of soul work. But I'll say some things below the cut about how one can start to go about it!

If you don't know how to already, l'd say learn how to enter a meditative state and--most importantly--learn how to protect and ground yourself before, during, and after doing work in that state. And also how to emotionally/physically/psychically take care of yourself before and after said work. I'd say make sure you feel like you're personally in a good place before doing it, because it can have a strong impact. I use Christopher Penczak's techniques for all of this just because he was something of a household name growing up so I trust him. But research & read about it to find what works best for you and practice it (like just doing meditations and stuff) before jumping into past life business.

It's helpful to go into past lives with a specific thing you want to understand more about yourself and/or specific pieces of information you think relate to you rather than just looking for any past lives you may have had, since that can be too broad!

You can find a regression hypnotherapist to help you do this. Hypnosis feels functionally the same as meditation for me--you don't like...lose consciousness or bark like a dog or anything. In both states you're always in control of the situation and can always back out if you don't want to engage with something. Going to someone who did past life hypnosis was what I did first to establish a reference point for myself for the life I wanted to explore that I could come back to. The person I went to wasn't doing anything I couldn't do myself, but I found it helpful to have a facilitator who understood the work to ask me questions that could guide me through the information I was getting in a more targeted way. I think once you learn to protect & ground yourself, if you had a trusted friend who also understood the importance of those things they could probably also serve as a facilitator.

There are also some people who can just 'tell' someone about their past lives without hypnosis/meditation, but I personally don't trust it that much. No one can access you better than yourself, I think. No doubt there are individuals who have that skill, but I didn't want to waste time and money trying to find someone legitimate who works in that way in the hopes that they'd say something I connected with when I could just cut to the chase. After I did a session with a facilitator to learn about this specific life and had a baseline of information about him, I've been exploring the rest on my own. Which I also find helpful because I can spend more time on some things or delve more deeply into what may have felt too personal to do with a facilitator.

How someone receives information about past lives is also unique depending on how their personal intuition works. For me, it's the same way I experience dreams. The strongest vehicle for info for me is feelings--both emotional and the full spectrum of physical sensation. That's followed by intuition of situations, in that I don't ask 'what is my name' and have someone walk up to me and answer it. Instead it's like if you're at work, at any given moment you know what your name is, you know what you look like, you know what your job is and why you're there that day, you know the names of your coworkers and how you feel about them, you know if you're hungry or tired etc. It's info that's inherently there (though it's not always super clear every time). Third is visuals, but those are definitely not the strongest and mostly supplement the first two.

Good luck finding something that works & take care of yourself while doing it!

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this