#i also got the hands wrong but i blame the cold meds

[bunchabears]

happy valentines from 2009

[aevyndzn]

Vainglory

Chapter 2: Prison

Word Count: 1153 Fandom: Villains Series - V. E. Schwab Characters: Victor Vale, Eli Cardale/Eli Ever, mention of Angie Knight Warning/content: Angst, hurt no comfort, arguing, slightly graphic descriptions Summary: What was Victor like as a teenager? Before everything became ruined? Before he became the villain?

A/N: The moment I heard VE Schwab was even thinking about Victorious, I had to come back to Victor again, and this time I wanted to explore the deep twisted desires I had for Victor compared to how Eli thought of him. Maybe they were more alike than they thought :) also, I am obsessed with Victor so there's that, I will never be able to portray him perfectly but this is as close as I can get

“He lifted his glass. ‘To never dying.’ Eli lifted his. ‘To being remembered.’ Their glasses clinked as Eli added, ‘Forever.’” ― V.E. Schwab, Vicious

He made Eli look. 

Three bullet holes.

His parting gift for Victor: one hole in his shoulder, one above his heart, and one just below his ribs.

Pale skin gleamed in the flickering prison lights, the cold air biting into his flesh but he didn’t care. Victor wanted Eli to see the marks he had made, the ones he had permanently etched into his body. How he would forever carry Eli with him wherever he went, how he would never forget. It would've been romantic, sensual even if it wasn’t for this illusion of Eli roving his eyes over Victor’s chest, trailing down his ribs in a stiff detached way. As if he didn't care, didn't notice. But Victor wanted his attention, needed it. It was the one thing he lacked. 

It irked Victor, made him shift in his bed, glaring at Eli. “Look at what you did to me,” he growled.

“What? Are you blaming me for your own actions?” Eli scoffed. “I did what anybody would do, you killed my girlfriend, all in the name of being extraordinary because you were jealous. Jealous of me. You could've waited you know, I would've said yes, but you're far too reckless, have an ego too damn high, and pride so fucking big you can't even swallow it.”

Victor didn't even have to admit it, everything Eli said was true; everything he said, Victor already knew. He just wasn't in the business of admitting his mistakes, he never was. “And what if I wanted that? Eli, what if I wanted you? To have this secret to ourselves? Angie was just collateral damage in the grand scheme of things, I loved her too you know, but think of it. I tried so hard while you barely did, you got it the first try. I needed it, wanted it so bad. Am I wrong to not reach for the stars?” He swept a hand through his hair, pulling it back from getting into his eyes. “It wasn't on purpose, I didn't even know what was going on. And you know what, you could've helped me when I asked. But you just wanted to be special, didn't you? Putting it in my face. You knew how badly I wanted it but you just couldn't help but flaunt your powers. It's on you too.”

Eli released a deep sigh, he began pacing around the cell, his shoes scraping the cement floor. “And if I was just trying to protect you from yourself?” Eli gave him a wry smile, a saint reaching out in the darkness. “You can’t blame me for being fascinated with my healing. I wanted to help you too, but you were far too fragile after the overdose, I wanted you to have a chance of recovering before we tried again.”

“Don’t call me fucking fragile,” Victor hissed, pointing his finger at him. “That’s the problem, you always looked down on me. I was easy to beat wasn’t I? Skinny, sickly, and pale. You don’t even know half of it.”

“That is..?” Eli stopped mid-pace, turning to face Victor. He looked so earnest, so intent on finding the truth, it was just like watching him back at the university, a boy who loved learning. All of them, naive pre-med students finding their way in the world. Victor had the urge to punch him and see how he reacted, but anger was just what Eli wanted.

“Fuck off,” he spat, crossing his arms across his bare chest. “You saw what you did, you can go and fuck off now.”

“So eager to switch the conversation already?” Eli questioned, glee dancing in his eyes. Then his face softened, almost pitiful. Victor hated pity. “I could heal them for you. I’ll forgive you if you apologize. I’ll pretend nothing happened, and we could go on as friends, as students. I’ll even pay extra attention to you. That’s all you want right? You want me to think of you, breathe you, want you? Just like you had when we were still together before she came along and ruined it?”

Victor’s breath hitched. “Bullshit. We loved her.”

“No,” Eli chuckled. “I know what you want,” his finger tapped Victor’s forehead, “I’m in there after all. You can’t run, I’ll always be with you. Hovering over your shoulders, your angel or devil, whatever your mind conjures.”

Victor wanted to take his hand, to turn the dial up and hear Eli scream just so he wouldn’t speak his conscience into existence. He wanted Eli to close his mouth badly, for everything to turn back as it originally once was. When did it all go wrong?

“I'm your darkest nightmares, your deepest desires, your deadliest wishes.��� Eli smiled, one that held a dangerous hunger to it. He was toying with him, holding the leash, tightening the collar.

“What’s all that supposed to mean,” he said, agitated with his cryptic words.

Eli leaned towards him, causing Victor to flinch. His bare back pressed against the cold walls, the shock seeped into his skin, but he couldn’t find the ability to move. Not when Eli towered over him, close enough for him to see the true color of his eyes. It looked so dark in the dimness, so utterly empty, devoid of any emotions. This had been the Eli Victor had hoped to unveil. A monster wearing a man’s skin. Had he always been this broken? Broken enough that God would willingly give him a second chance to heal his scars but not the ones his father made? “Oh Victor, you don’t remember what we promised at the bar? You’ll never forget me, however hard you try. I’ll always be in the shadows, haunting every step you make. I’ll never die, and you’ll always remember.”

Victor’s hands gripped hard onto the blanket and mattress, until his knuckles were white, turning up the dial so he could feel the pain. To know what it was like to hurt again. “Forever huh?" His breath came out ragged like he was being chased.

The illusion of Eli smiled at him and lifted an invisible glass in the air as if he was paying tribute to something, like it was a fucking game to him. And maybe it was, maybe they were meant to stay trapped in this endless chess game. “To never dying.”

Victor averted his eyes, knowing how futile it was to argue with his last memory of Eli. How it was stained with blood; how they were bound by it like a grotesque image of a cannibalistic relationship, where one must be devoured even if it was a detriment to the other. How much they needed each other–wanted each other, and how much they wanted the other to die. 

…to being remembered.

[lucysweatslove]

I’m gonna be talking about weight, body image, disordered eating, health and medical anxiety, generally triggering things so I’m putting it under a read more. It’s really just a ramble and nothing worth reading- a brain dump for me more than anything else. For those who don’t want to read more but want to just know- I’m doing okay but life has had other plans and I may have something actually wrong health-wise which has been triggering for me.

So, way back in 2018 I gained like 30 lbs in 2 months (mid October to mid December). I was devastated. I had already gained 20-25 lbs or so during actual recovery from my disordered eating which I was doing on my own/without support, so I was really struggling. I was so ashamed of the weight gain and how I looked that I didn’t want to see my PCP (note: she was an NP, but that doesn’t impact what I think of her- I didn’t want to see her because of my own shame and thinking I should just be able to manage my weight on my own). So here I was sitting around 180-185 lbs and for the first time in my life actually obese, not sure how to cope. I was confused about how I could’ve gained that much so quickly- I didn’t buy Halloween candy that year, gained the weight before Christmas, and didn’t do thanksgiving festivities even. My eating habits hadn’t seemed to change, and there was no way I was suddenly that much less active. But still I blamed myself.

Not even a month later I started a new job and also decided I wanted to try to diet again because I hated my body’s new “fat” appearance. Except I was worried about calorie counting being triggering. I was newly married and planning our actual wedding, so while I wanted to be “shedding for the wedding” (VOMIT) I also didn’t want to go back to Hell aka rigid restrictive eating that would drive wedges in all of my relationships. I tried going back to the gym and eating a lot of chicken breast and veggies, thinking if I restricted TYPES of food I would be fine. LOL NOPE. I tried keto thinking it would be a way to not fixate on calories… this was unsustainable because I just didn’t have enough options and I LOVE LOVE LOVE fruit. Each attempt at whatever I did was met with initial weight loss and then extreme hunger, a big trip, some outing, my actual wedding, which would kick me out of that mindset and I’d gain it all back. At one point I thought it was my antidepressant (since it made it hard to care about anything), so I went off of that, had a bad reaction to another one, and then essentially didn’t have a medication for months. Including on my wedding.

By the end of 2019 I was essentially that same 180ish lbs, and I had decided I needed to “get my life back.” I got on a new antidepressant shortly after an illness, and I realized I was sitting on my hands waiting for somebody to give me permission to apply to med school. So I decided to face my insecurity regarding my “downward trend” (due to health reasons) in undergrad by… going to grad school. I applied in early 2020. I started to go back to the gym, count calories, I really thought it would be fine since I didn’t have fear foods anymore and felt “basically recovered.” Like, calories were the less extreme option because it gave room for me to eat all the foods I love.

And then I started getting back spasms, and the fevers started, and I started and graduated grad school, and then my husband needed new hips, and I got a new job, and littered in all of that were attempts to just mindfully eat more produce and love my body more. At one point in grad school, I admit to buying really low calorie dehydrated food packs to “make the most of my winter break” but it was absolutely MISERABLE to eat those and it got super cold and I just said nope, not going back. Throughout that time, I just thought that I was fat now, and that’s all anybody would see. I honestly doubted that my disordered eating was ever problematic MULTIPLE times because… I’m fat now? That’s literally it, that’s the whole reason I started to invalidate my own experience. School and work and health issues had really decreased my activity and focus on health and nutrition, I felt awful in my body physically, and I had no idea how to make any kind of actual healthy change because up until this point, and even at this point, I only knew “health and wellness” in two contexts: disease process and medicine, and dieting and exercise for “weight control.” Nobody I knew actually ate balanced diets if they weren’t actively trying to become or stay thin- it wasn’t “normal” or “natural.” Exercise? Same story except for actual athletes, but even those that I knew talked about weight control all the time.

Fast forward to 2022. I came into the new year feeling like I needed to make a change because of how I felt, but my husband and I were in counseling and I knew a major sticky point for us was my lack of going to med school. I think my desire to “make a change” was in large part about control because I didn’t feel like I had control over med school. I was CONVINCED in my mind that me being fat now made me a lesser candidate. I might get an interview, but I’d be judged on how fat I was and would instantly have a bias over me. I was tempted- truly- to drop to 800-900 calories a day with 2-3 hours of exercise and try to shed weight quickly. But I kept up searching for body positive and HAES content. I reminded myself of all I spoke on in my sports nutrition class- health has far less to do with our weight and size than our habits. At this point, I felt really good about body positivity. I made my focus on activities I love doing, getting good MICROnutrients (no deficiencies here), etc. This is when I “came back” to tumblr in early 2022.

I then started to feel the same way I did before- it was, once again, becoming a bit of an obsession, and my body was fatiguing. My heart quite literally felt off, and I was dizzy all the time. I thought maybe with everything, I was taking in too much potassium and a higher activity level. I gave my body time to rest and… I just stopped doing the things. Work got busy. I signed up to retake the MCATs. I got COVID.

Honestly at the end of Covid I was back to around 175lbs. I was feeling okay about that- it’s still “fat” but I was happy to be feeling healthier and I could FINALLY start studying. After my first COVID day where I had an episode of intense muscle pain where I could not move, I was totally fine with my weight. While I was starting to study, though, I noticed my blood pressure was low and I was still feeling kinda meh. I was hardly hungry, and my bathroom habits changed. I wasn’t too upset with this, since it meant I could study for longer at a time without getting distracted by bathroom trips, and I figured my high stress levels were playing a role by essentially halting that “rest and digest” I should’ve been in for way too long.

After I finished the test, my stress seemed to reduce, but my heath stuff didn’t. I had a week off work and decided I wanted to start hiking again, see waterfalls, etc. And so I did. While I loved it, I kept feeling really dizzy all the time. I focused on getting more salt in my diet and making sure I was eating some carbs before and after the trial. My appetite improved, but my GI tract still felt sluggish. Often, I would feel actually hungry, but I’d also feel like my stomach was way too full. My reflux was really bad at this time, and that also made my nasal issues worse. My sleep suffered a ton, and I would spent 11 hours in bed because it would take me 3 just to fall asleep. I also noticed my lower stomach had fresh new red stretch marks.

At this point now, now only can I barely breathe out my nose most of the time, but my nose is bleeding often (just slight, small bleeds- no dripping really). I’ve tried PPIs and H2 agonists to help with the reflux. Honestly, as gross as this sounds, the only thing that helps is actually going to the bathroom? But usually when I go, it doesn’t all feel “out.” I’ve taken two laxative doses in the past couple of months to get some longer lasting relief. I visited my sister for a week (got back a week ago), and while down there, I realized my shorts that I bought to fit me last summer felt tight in the tummy. I thought it must be constipation or something similar, or heat edema, but it still was not fun to feel that “fat.” Also, I realized my 34G bras were getting tight, even on the band size, so that was extra weird. Even my sports bras weren’t fitting right. Usually a band in a L is too loose but I put up with it to fit my breasts, but between July to now, the bands starting getting tighter. Which means gain.

I weighed myself this morning at 195.8 lbs. literally the heaviest I have ever been. Up 20 lbs in the 2 months post-COVID, and that’s with me hiking more AND I started physical therapy for my back. Husband was confused and said something seemed wrong- because that’s a lot of weight to gain and he hasn’t seen me eat THAT much. He encouraged me to talk to my doctor, but I’m still convinced all they will say is that CLEARLY I’m lying about my intake and tell me to track calories and try to lose weight.

I’m also going to a water park this weekend, so I tried on my bathing suits, and none fit in a way I’d be comfortable with. A couple bottoms fit, but I realized all my tops didn’t- none of them have cups big enough to cover up my nipples in a secure enough manner, so I’d be constantly worried about “wardrobe malfunctions.”

I’m having kind of a hard time with all of this, but I’m trying right now to make sure I have clothes that fit my current body first. My mantra rn is “I deserve clothes that fit my body right now.” So I bought a size up in the shorts I bought last summer- I hope that will work. I also ordered 6 new tops in bra sizes, instead of the normal S/M/L/XL sizes, because I need them to actually fit. I got 3 tops in 2 different sizes after measuring- 36 bands and, because I’m kind of worried about how that will fit since there aren’t the 3 rows of hooks and too tight is far more noticeable than too loose, 38 bands too, just in case. I’m just praying that one size will fit me, and then I’ll return the ones in the other size since they were expensive.

Other than the new clothes for the water park, I feel a bit at a loss. On one hand I physically feel somewhat unwell quite often, and I’ve ran through the lists of potential culprits from anything from something as benign as stress to something as serious as a Cushing’s syndrome (such as from an ACTH-releasing tumor). Part of me is also terrified I may have diabetes now, even though I’ve never had any signs of pre-diabetes before now, but I’m thinking possible PCOS which can lead to insulin resistance. The obvious answer is “talk to my PCP,” and in general my PCP now is great, but I have an appointment in October and really don’t want to have any “preventable” disease and I feel like I need to be “doing all the right things” prior to seeing her anyway. And I’m scared, too, that when she suggests things like dieting, I will just burst into tears because the idea of what that means is… I guess invalidating to me.

Here’s the reality: finding yourself obese after eating disorder recovery is tricky enough as is. If I bring up the fact that I have struggled with my relationship with food and exercise, people automatically assume that I binge eat and just DON’T exercise/have never had the “discipline” to make myself exercise even if I don’t like it. They treat me like a liar when I clarify. When I bring up the couple periods of rapid weight gain with people who know and understand my history, I’m still told that I probably just didn’t realize how much I ate because I wasn’t actively tracking my calories and weighing my food. I’m constantly told maybe I just don’t have the willpower or discipline other people have, and I need to cultivate that, but that’s not a problem- the problem is I will take that “willpower” or “discipline” to a level that leaves me and the people around me absolutely miserable.

When I was thinner- “healthy weight” with a BMI around 21- nobody said those things to me. My mom not included (as she will find some way to criticize my appearance), I was never told my heath problems were BECAUSE of my body, or that if I gained 5 lbs over a couple weeks it was because of my eating habits (“oh I’m sure it’s just water weight from extra salt”) and that I was CLEARLY lying about my intake. And I was never told I needed to go on a very low calorie diet and exercise more if I complained about constipation.

Idk I feel like I have to do so much more for people to even consider that something might be wrong with my health other than being fat, and often what I have to do is really psychologically damaging, and nobody wants to admit that.

[darkicedragon]

darkicedragon Also We have more desperate angelo uwu Wanting to change his condition, being TIRED of not feeling that he finally starts looking for a way to change his body to make it feel again Tho also, might he already be at enhanced state strength, bc he cant feel, so he just keeps ripping thru his muscles bc hes carrying too heavy things azure YESSSSSS >w> Wolfe gets to see what Angelo is doing to himself the lengths he goes to finally feel something >8O!!! TOUCH STARVED ANGELO Wolfe being there when one of Angelo's meds actually works darkicedragon Yaaàaaaaa azure and he feels so much and he's all dizzy and @A@ and Wolfe goes to help him stand bc 'what's wrong with u'

darkicedragon Angelo just going o-o (O)A(O) azure but because he hold him Angelo goes even more @A@!!! bc he can feel Wolfe's hand on his back, can feel his warmth darkicedragon He can suddenly feel himself breathing again His clothes is overwhelming him and he has to tear them off Except everything too much bc hes always touching SOMETHING azure also him being v weak bc of the drug just leaning in Wolfe's arms, bc ofc Wolfe is strong enuogh to just pick him up and Angelo v weakly saying, "Ah, now I remember. I hate how wool feels." "Don't blame me, boss. You only got wool and cashmere in your closet" darkicedragon Apollo and zeus just like <OnO> bc they know somethings different and angelo keeps making Hurt Sounds and they dont like that azure Wolfe having to walk through the doggos trying to jump and sniff and reach Angelo bc MUST HELP and Wolfe is just trying to put Angelo on the couch or the bed and get him a glass of water goddamn it darkicedragon 'Ah, shit. No, DOWN. your claws are a bit much rn' darkicedragon No tucking angelo in rn bc angel is just @^@ 'I can feel my heart...' 'I cant tell if thats a side effect or intended' azure Wolfe just holding him in his arms, bc 'what do I do with you now? I can't just put you on the floor. You can barely stand" darkicedragon 'Hey, you remember how to swallow, right?' azure "Just - give me a minute' darkicedragon 'If its coarse fibre thats the problem, then possibly the bath?' /doubt/ 'unless youve got heated baths in your fancy ass house, that shits going to be freezing to you' azure YESSS >8D Wolfe having to run Angelo a bath to ground him darkicedragon 'I do?' 'The fuck do you do with a fucking heated bath' 'Use it, clearly' azure and stay with him bc the dumbass might hyper focus on something and just drift underwater darkicedragon Gets too focused on the overall pressure and then goes blub blub blub Just like 'oh, my lungs are burning. How interesting' azure Wolfe gotta 🗞️ Angelo leaning against the tub and sighs bc the tiles are cold and it feels night against the hot bath darkicedragon Has to keep an arm around angelos shoulders to keep him above water bc 'why tf do you have such a deep bath??' 'For baths?' //SIGH azure Wolfe washing his haaairrr >8O!!! Angelo going =A= bc SO MUCH FEEL also taking Wolfe's hand and just pressing it against his cheek bc MUCH FEEL AND MUCH TOUCH STARVED 'Just... give me a moment.' darkicedragon And its not like angelo would have gotten hugs from his dad, so hes completely touch starved 8) azure >8D!!! ohohohhohohohohoho Angelo getting so tired bc of all he's feeling Wolfe gotta get him into the bed but can't leave bc Angelo is holding his hand darkicedragon 'good thing im still augmented, bc i think youd have broken my hand otherwise'

[choitaeyang]

P1Harmony taking care of you when you're sick

Keeho:

“Okay, this is fine, I know what to do.”

He’s not really sure what to do and internally panicking but still manages to take care of you quite well.

After he finishes lecturing you about how you need to take better care of yourself, he tries to remember what he usually needs when he gets sick.

Absolutely refuses to let you do anything, you’re only allowed to stay in your warm bundle of blankets and rest.

“Where are you going??” “Um, to the toilet?” “Oh... oh okay, you can go there.”

He feels like he can’t do anything to help and he hates that feeling.

He’s also very distraught because he hates seeing you miserable and he can’t even kiss your or give you a hug.

God forbid you ask for a kiss or a hug.

He’d have the biggest crisis of his life because ew, he doesn’t want to catch your cold but he cannot say no to you.

Holds your hand until you fall asleep and kisses your forehead anyway, in hopes that it will help you get well sooner.

Theo:

“Wow, you look like shit.”

Shakes his head and tsks because he told you that you’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t dress warmer.

But did you listen to him? No. Of course you didn’t. You never do.

And now what? He has to take care of your sorry ass.

You better be super thankful to him once you get better and repay him for his efforts.

He’s only frustrated because he doesn’t like seeing you in such a bad state, it really hurts his heart.

He also blames himself a tiny bit because maybe he should have been firmer and not let you go out without a jacket.

If your condition is very bad, he will definitely tear up.

But wipes his tears right away and forces all of your meds and a bowl of soup and a mug of tea down your throat.

Gently enforces self-care.

Sings and talks to you so you won’t get bored, and because he knows that you like to fall asleep to the sound of his voice.

Jiung:

Forces you to take all the vitamins in the house before going to the drug store and buying some more, as well as some medicine.

The best person to have around when you’re sick.

Makes you chicken soup and chamomile tea and a healthy meal, depending on what you’re able to swallow.

He knows all the tricks and the traditional folk remedies for colds, runny noses and sore throats.

Half of them comes from his grandparents, half of them from various internet searches because obviously, he’s the one who takes care of his members too.

He doesn’t scold you, at least not until you get better, but he looks at you with that disappointed gaze and sighs, and that’s almost worse than a scolding.

He will never let you forget about this, he will bring it up all the time. “Remember when you got sick? You don’t want to repeat that, do you?”

He will literally not touch you.

May or may not comes into your room with a face mask on.

But he still fluffs your pillow up and pulls your blanket over you when it fell because you were tossing and turning too much.

He also collects and throws out your used tissues then wipes your face with warm water so you won’t feel so terrible in your skin and environment after you wake up.

Intak:

Continuously on the phone with his mom.

Asks what you feel and conveys everything through the phone because he sure as hell doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t want to accidentally poison you with the wrong medicine or smth.

This is just a lot of pressure on him, he really wants to take care of you, not make your condition worse somehow.

It’s like he never in his life had a cold, his brain just shuts down.

After feeding you the medicine and making you go to bed, you fall asleep.

He hovers around your bed awkwardly like a lost puppy, not knowing what to do.

He sits down on your desk chair and just... stares at you. Not in a creepy way, he’s just observing if you’re okay so he can jump up and run to your help at the slightest hint of discomfort.

You start to stir and he’s already by your side with a cup of water or tea because he knows your throat must have dried out while you were sleeping.

Refuses to go home even if there’s really nothing he can do for you anymore.

Doesn’t care at all if he’s gonna catch your cold or not, if it were up to him, he’d rather it was him being sick instead of you.

He hates seeing you like this so much.

If you don’t let him stay and cuddle you, he’s going to cry. He just needs to be there for you, with you.

Soul:

Clueless and lost but he definitely won’t overreact.

Half thinks that this is just a cold so you’ll get better after some rest.

But also, when he sees you suffer, his heart is just in pain.

He knows that you’ll be just fine in a couple of days but still, he wishes those days could pass a little faster.

Keeps looking stuff up on the internet to find something he can help you with.

Which was a bad idea because now he’s overreacting.

“This article says, you might be dying... you’re not dying, right?” “...” “Right?” “No, I’m not dying, it’s okay, I just need some rest.”

Thinks that getting sick together would be a good couple bonding activity and it’s up to you to convince him that no, it is not.

Stays a respectful distance away but doesn’t really want to leave you.

He just knows that colds suck and you must be super bored with all that sleeping and resting so he takes your tv over and binge watches something the both of you like on low volume.

That way you can sleep when you want to sleep and watch the show when you wake up.

And he can also bring you whatever you need, help you and take care of you while entertaining himself.

Insists on holding your hand all the time, and the better your condition is, the closer he moves to you.

Before you notice, those few sick days already passed and you're cuddling all healthily again.

Jongseob:

First of all, he gives you a scolding through the phone while already putting on his shoes and collecting things you might need.

His heart sinks when he sees you in your bed, weak and surrounded by tissues but then gathers himself together and starts nagging.

Gives you a thousand kind of vitamins, explaining what each of them is for and how it’s good for your body, you should always take them not only when you’re sick. If you take them regularly, you won’t get sick in the first place.

Interrogates you about your symptoms and only eases up when he’s sure that you only have a common cold.

When he sighs in relief, it hits him just how deeply he cares about you and how worried he is.

He then takes on a softer tone and attitude, making sure that you have everything you need and you’re as comfortable as possible.

Runs home for his laptop so he can work from your bedroom.

He practically makes your desk his own and he does his usual things while you sleep.

He regularly checks your fever and makes sure that you stay hydrated too.

He knows that he could just leave you alone, it’s not like you need 24 hours supervision but he kind of doesn’t want to leave.

Finally, he decides to just sleep on the couch and makes you a nice breakfast in the morning.

[saphirered]

Saph I hope you feel better! I really liked the VM Snow White you just posted, but could you also please do the same prompt but with M9 boys including Molly? If you’re not feeling up to it that’s fine too!

Thank you! The meds are beginning to do their job luckily. I'm glad you liked the last one. I blinked, my hand slipped and now it's here. Prepare for some angst. Hope you enjoy! 😘

(Caleb)

Caleb had always known his past would come to haunt him. He was prepared for it. Prepared to take the hit, take responsibility for everything and he’d face his past be that with or without the people he loves. Part of him, once he got used to having these fools around, having you around, wanted it to be on his own, to protect them and protect you. To not have any more lives lost in the grand scheme. The people he loves becoming collateral would be unacceptable. But you had become collateral in the grand scheme of things.

When it became clear to his enemies he was a bit more attached to you than the others, they took this weakness and exploited it. They pushed his buttons before, using you as a tool, verbal bait even, but he never fell for it. His reluctancy to act on his feelings, to keep them to himself instead, were the very thing he hoped would keep those loose ends from latching onto you. His love is a curse, the objects of his desire always to be torn away from him no matter how hard he tries to prevent it. He’s lost you to that same curse. Not lost. Almost lost.

You’ve been cursed, your conscious mind separated from your unconscious body. Simple healing spells wouldn’t do the trick here. This curse holds no roots in the divine. He’s spent days researching and that much he could confirm. This curse would take an arcane approach. Something he prides himself in to be his specialty. Lucky you. Lucky him. He had the others bring all books, ancient scrolls and other sources of knowledge brought to him, along with a wide variety of components once he’d made a significant dent in the research matter, assuring him this would have the greatest chances of success.

It’s not the soft canopy bed with the plush pillows from the fairytales you’re placed on. Instead you lay on a wooden table, inscribed with all sorts of arcane sigils. Nor do you look like some angelic peaceful being. Your brow is furrowed in discomfort, your hands balled into fists at your sides. Caleb moves a brush against areas of exposed skin, painting symbols to match with precision and care, afraid to even make a single mistake, triple checking every mark. He speaks the incantations while incorporating the components varying from precious gems crushed and whole, herbs and incense. And then he waits. He doesn’t expect the effects to be immediate, often with these magics it is not and he knows that but that doesn’t get rid of the impatience and fear.

“How I long to hear your voice again. I know this will work but that doesn’t ease away the sliver of doubt. What if… What if… That’s what I keep asking myself. I know it’s stupid.” Caleb wipes an hand over his brow as he pulls up a chair and sits at your side, elbows leaning on the table careful to avoid any sigils just in case.

“It also faced me with the harsh reality that I held off telling you how I feel. It looks so stupid now in hindsight because what good did it do anyone. In the end you still ended up paying for my mistakes. I was stupid to push you away, try to convince you your own feelings were unreciprocated. I know I didn’t have you fooled in the slightest but to know I could have loved you, it makes me feel like I am to blame for wasting that opportunity and possibly shortening our time together. The thought of losing you before having given you my love will forever be my greatest regret.”

Caleb watches the muscle of your hand unclench and relax. He hears a deep intake of breath and staring at your face he’s met with your smile, one filled with love as he helps you sit up. All is good once more.

(Fjord)

Fjord’s drenched to the bone, out of breath, anger running through him like he’s never experienced. Still he’s unsure if his anger is directed at the one responsible for your eternal slumber or at himself for making a ballsy move that didn’t pay off in the slightest and in fact backfired in a worse way he could have ever imagined. He played a game of chicken with Uk’otoa and lost. He’d have been fine by letting someone else pay the price for him. Why should he care about some stranger becoming victim to the leviathan? The one who paid the price, became the victim to his actions didn’t end up being a stranger. It had to be you of all people hadn’t it?

Uk’otoa must have been watching his dreams, even his waking actions if that were possible and have seen his infatuation with you. When the leviathan threatened Fjord in another briny dream of his mentioning your name he had called bullshit. The snake had never been able to reach out to anyone it didn’t already have some kind of grasp on. Little did he know Uk’otoa had just that. Just enough of a sliver through him, and the Cloven Crystal to get to you.

So there Fjord sits at your bedside. You’re just as drenched as he is, hair dripping, skin glowing in the candle light of the room reflected off the water particles. Your lips are tinted blue, a redness around your eyes, your skin is cold. The sleep you’re in is a state of perpetual drowning and Fjord knows what it feels like, to drown. He can only hope you’re spared that pain. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to forgive himself if you are tortured like so because of his actions. Clasping your hand between both of his he runs his fingers over your knuckles. He bows his head. It still feels so wrong to not have you respond to his touch. So wrong.

“I want you to know that I am to blame for your fate. I’m about to do a very stupid thing to make it right. I know you’d tell me not to but I can’t sit by and watch you suffer like this. I’ve tried everything. I’ve begged and bargained. I’ve shouted at the skies but I got no reply. Everything comes up empty and I see no other choice than to do this. It might sound stupid but I came to ask for your forgiveness.” Fjord pauses. Usually he would have gotten a reply. He would sell his soul for just having you tell him everything will be alright. It’s a good thing he’s about to sell it for so much more than that. It’s worth it. It’s worth having you alive and well.

“I won’t ask for forgiveness for what I’m about to do because I will never regret it. I ask only you may one day forgive me for what I might become. I need you to know I love you and did, will do all of this out of love. That’s why I hope you’ll never see me again after I give myself to Uk’otoa. I can’t bare to watch that affection in your eyes being replaced by hatred, but most of all disappointment. I hoped to be worthy of your love and I will always regret never having truly experienced it.” Fjord’s voice cracks slightly. He studies your face, as if to ingrain every detail into his memory, as if he thinks he might never see it again.

“I’m afraid. I’m so deadly afraid.” Fjord whimpers pressing a kiss to the back of your hand before he lets go. He checks his supplies, taking out the Cloven Crystal, glaring at the orb intensely cursing the thing to oblivion. Coughs pull him out of his staring match with the crystal. Your body moves, leaning over the edge of the bed vomiting up brine. Fjord drops the orb and his belongings running over to you and helping you gather your bearings until you’re no longer chocking on sea water.

“You better not do what I think you’re planning with that orb or so help me Storm Lord, I will drown you myself.” Fjord can’t do anything but laugh despite the very real threat on his life as you pull him into your embrace.

(Caduceus)

Caduceus isn’t bothered by death. Death is part of life as much as living is. It’s inevitable. Every soul will move on, leaving its vessel for the earth, the fire or the wild things to bring forth something new. What does very much bother him are perversions of death, those who try to cheat death, upset the natural balance, maim and manipulate that what is and should be. He hates it with a passion and seeks to rectify it, return the world to that balance when faced with it. That’s where you come in. You much like him have a respect and understanding of life and death similar to his own. Very few people understand that. Very few people do not fear the end when they see it coming. You’re one of those very few people.

You understand Caduceus on a different level, in his sentiment and mannerisms while others may think him strange. Not that he cares if people do, you’ve been his filter in the big shiny new world past the borders of his grove. You’ve been his safety net, his grounding force, his safe haven when the world seems against him and he thinks his senses might be wrong. The Wild Mother must have gently blown her winds to bring you together.

That’s why it seems so wrong you’re affected by this darkness having taken hold over your body, leaving you in a state of not entirely alive nor dead. Resurrection has been futile as much as draining your life and allowing you to move to the care of the Wild Mother herself. You’re trapped and that’s why Caduceus fears what would happen should you die. He’s seen what this perversion of life and death has done to his home, the forests surrounding it and the creatures living in it. He’ll do everything in his power to prevent that from happening to you.

Caduceus has put your body through the typical burial rites and rituals, preserving what he can by using wards and the divine blessings granted to him by his goddess, sending her prayers of your recovery but you appear to be even beyond her reach now. He moves a damp cloth across your arms and face, brushing aside your hair, humming to himself until he’s done, moving on to clean the room around you, getting rid of the dust, placing things back where they belong and replacing the decayed flowers with fresh ones. Caduceus gathers his tea, preparing a cup for himself as he watches you.

“Can you show me how they’re doing?” The wind grows cold. He knew that would be the answer but still he could hope maybe that answer could change.

“Are they in pain?” The wind grows warm but then cold again. You were, but not anymore. It seems that the new wards he’s put up are doing their job. That’s good.

“Is there a cure?” The gentle breeze disappears. She doesn’t know then. This goes even beyond the goddess herself but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Caduceus will keep hope, though it is dwindling fast, for your sake he’ll have hope. He’s always spoken to the dead before and while you’re not really dead, there’s a strange comfort to something that feels so final.

“Hey. I’d ask you how you’re doing but that’s not gonna work now, is it? Don’t worry. You’re going to be fine. I know you are. You’ve managed to keep me alive with the others for much longer than I’ve been taking care of you like this. I think we’re going to be fine. I know you’re here but I still miss you. Calliope makes for terrible company watching things unfurl between the others. She’s too much of a hopeless romantic. You forgot to tell me the recipe to that special brew of yours. I’ve been trying to recreate it but I haven’t been able to. I think what I’m trying to say is, I could really do with having my best friend back. That’d be nice.”

Caduceus sips his tea, face devoid of his usual dopy smile. A sudden breeze hits through the window, blowing it open. A few lighter weight and loose items go flying but the thud of a heavier one is clear to hear. Caduceus closes the window and feels something solid hit his boot. It’s a crystal from the ones surrounding the grove. He picks it up, feeling the warmth run through it. The breeze directs towards you and he feels himself walking over to your body. The crystal calls to you and when it touches you your body runs with energy, pulsing, like you’ve been forcibly pulled back to this world. You look around eyes wide breathing heavy.

“Hey.” Caduceus smiles. “I made tea.”

(Mollymauk)

Maybe pretending you and him were some high born assholes was a questionable decision. Taking on an invite directed at the said people you were impersonating even more so, and stealing, sorry, borrowing without asking, some things from their summer cottage to swim in luxuries, an out right terrible idea when these people happen to be very well connected.

So when these fancy folk came back to the cottage earlier than expected, the two of you had grabbed what you could before making your grand escape, chased by their private guards until you lost them. A safe distance away you set up camp. Time to inspect your findings before returning to the carnival. Your eye for valuables had always been much more keen than Molly’s and your appraisals usually spot on. It was only natural he would let you do your thing but he’d still help you.

Particularly proud of getting some ornate jewellery box Molly had pried it open and revealed the jackpot. But of course you couldn’t just sell recognisable jewellery as is and you couldn’t keep such a thing on you very long. So of course you went to work, prying the stones from their settings. A particular necklace was giving you trouble, not even your tools being able to pry it out, you even broke one so you left that one for last.

The two of you had argued, eventually setting on just smashing the stone with the pommel of Molly’s scimitar, the broken gem still providing plenty of pay and not being as recognisable in peaces. So you held the necklace across a stone while he smashed it. When it did a spark hit, next thing he knew you were on the ground, your hands burned where you held the precious metal. At first he thought you were simply knocked out but when you didn't wake up he grew worried. Splashing water in your face, shaking you, lifting your legs, nothing got you to wake up so instead he carried you and the jewellery back to the carnival. Two days and still you didn’t wake up. It became clear this bloody gem was cursed when dark veins started crawling up your skin as the days passed.

Since this was technically on him, Molly took care of you. He makes quite a doting nurse when he wants to be but never without an inappropriate comment or two. It was quite strange to not hear you laugh at or scold him for these comments. Nevertheless he’d fluff up the pillow beneath your head, provide you an extra blanket when the night was cold, tell you stories, or simply the events of the day, the people who came to the carnival, some things he lifted from people’s pockets and so on. Molly has to say he’s ashamed to admit he’d got frustrated with your unresponsiveness or rather the fact you still hadn’t woken up and there was nothing the others could do for you. A healer would still be a week or so out.

“You know, while I’ve really begun getting used to these little one-sided conversations and your lack of judgement at some of my more terrible decisions I really prefer sharing them with you in the moment. I’ve gotten caught by the guards twice now and without you, Gustav is getting a bit sick of bailing me out. I miss our little flirtations. I miss your sometimes wrong opinions, though you’d say they’re proven facts. I miss your company. I think our time apart has given me time to reflect how much you truly mean to me and how much I need you in my life.” Molly leans on his elbow as he studies your face unmoving. You look so peaceful and asleep but he’d much rather get lost in your eyes when you’re awake.

“I laughed at you when you told me the most valuable thing in the world anyone could ever give another is their heart but I think I know what that means now. I’ll offer you mine if you will have it. So please, come back and make sure my head doesn’t get up too high into the clouds or I might just float away.” Molly leans back looking at the ceiling of the tent with a sigh. He’s pulled out of his mind by a snicker.

“A dramatic confession of love to the unconscious target of your affections? And you call me cliche.” Molly looks at your face, eyes still closed but smug grin clear on your face. He pokes your side making you jump.

“You are insufferable.”

[jisungsmochi]

traitor - lee jeno

starting my SOUR series !! based on songs by olivia rodrigo, here is the first installment. 

player (?) jeno x female reader // friends to lovers but then goes all downhill from there

word count: 7.1k 

summary: “god i wish i had thought this through, before i went and fell inlove with you”

you were more than aware of jeno’s inability to keep it in his pants, but after a reckless one night stand, you finally understood what it was like to be on the receiving end. but when jeno slips back into his old habits, will you have the heart to move on? i mean how could you get over somebody you didn’t even date...

a/n: sorry for any mistakes as usual oop

tagging bestie: @skrtbabe <3

//

Brown guilty eyes, and

Little white lies, yeah

I played dumb, but I always knew

//

“god what did you do now?” you shook your head at the raven haired boy with a blank expression. he shrugged his shoulders, eyebrows perking up,

“i just decided we were better off as friends” ah yes, lee jeno’s code for ‘she was just a fling, i couldn’t care less’. you only nodded, how else were you supposed to respond? you weren’t exactly his closest friend, but he considered you enough of a friend due to your closeness to jaemin.

you knew that he was a player, finding some sort of entertainment, getting girls to fall for him. you couldn’t really blame them, he was strikingly handsome and had his way with words. the only reason he hadn’t tried anything on you yet was because you didn’t exactly “fit his type”. also, jaemin pleaded him not to, in order to avoid any awkward situations within your friendship. jeno was occasionally playful with you, but you viewed it more of a sister-brother type thing, rather than him trying to flirt.

jaemin has introduced you to jeno near the end of high school. the three of you attended plenty of parties together ( well as many as you could before college started ). your first semester of college consisted of intense study sessions with jaemin in the library, jeno occasionally tagging along. you were both sure he was failing his classes but he didn’t seem to care much. his main focus consisting of getting wasted at as many frat parties he could. 

finals were done and dusted so after your last exam, you got ready for some random frat party being held tonight. you were meeting up with jaemin prior,

“time to party or what?” you gleamed at your best friend, jumping onto his bed as he curled into a ball. you frowned at the sight,

“i’m not feeling so good, you should go without me! go with jeno” jaemin groaned, his stomach pains getting the best of him.

“oh damn, want me to keep you company tonight instead?” you sat next to him, forcing him to sit up with you.

“no no, i’m probably going to take some meds and then knock out for the rest of the night. just go with jeno, it won’t be so bad! i’ll tell him to take care of you” jaemin assured, making sure you were on board. you let out a soft sigh,

“it’s so awkward between jeno and i, right? does he even like me, as a friend?” you lay your head on jaemin’s shoulder, feeling him softly chuckle at your words.

“jeno just thinks you’re really sweet. like you have this innocence to you. he doesn’t wanna be a bad influence or anything, that’s all” you just nod, that was somewhat comforting to know. before you could respond, there was a knock on jaemin’s door. the one and only, lee jeno was standing there in all this glory.

“yeah y/n, i don’t wanna be a bad influence” he smirked as he entered the room. you felt slightly embarrassed he had eavesdropped on the conversation but jaemin decided to interject.

“take her to the party tonight, she needs to have some fun” jaemin shoved you towards jeno, causing you to bump into

his shoulder. he just smirked, nodding along to his friend’s wishes.

“come on, i’ll show you a good time” jeno practically dragged you out of the room. his grip on your wrist was quite firm, he didn’t let go until you both reached his car. jeno opened the passenger side door for you, gesturing for you to enter. jeno made his way to the driver’s side, a constant grin on his face.

“surprised to see you so dressed up” he started the car. you were taken back at first, but this was just part of your usual banter.

“so glad you noticed, i did this all for you” you grinned, feeling quite flushed in the face. jeno just let out a soft chuckle, finding your confidence amusing.

“you’re not drinking tonight?” you questioned, looking over to him.

“nah, kinda trying to cut out alcohol from my diet if i wanna have a healthy liver you know?” his eyes flicked towards you, watching as you started fixing your makeup using your phone camera.

“but don’t worry sweetheart, i’ll take good care of you so jaemin doesn’t beat my ass. don’t get too wasted or you might do something you regret” jeno warned but his words went in one ear and out the other. you knew he was going to ditch you midway through, probably off with another one of his hookups. you didn’t need a babysitter, you were perfectly capable to party on your own.

long story short, you got bored after a few drinks, now sitting on a swinging hammock on the porch of the house. as expected, jeno had left your side a while ago, off to greet his own friends. you were scrolling on your phone, thinking of texting jaemin about how he wasn’t missing out on much. but you were interrupted when jeno sat down next to you.

“bored already?” he snuggled a little too close to comfort, softly swinging the both of you in the hammock.

“you could say that” you shrugged, switching off your phone, giving him all your attention. he looked really handsome in this light, strands of his hair sticking in random places, a slight flush to his cheeks due to the cold.

“wanna get out of here then? i’ll take you home” he stood up, offering you his hand.

“wow you’re being such a gentleman tonight” you snickered, taking his hand in yours as you strolled to his car.

“i’ll always be a gentleman for you”

why did he keep saying these things?

the ride to your apartment wasn’t as awkward as you initially thought. jeno insisted you play some music, his fingers lingering near your knee, tapping ever so softly on the surface of your skin. you held your breath at the touch, he was just being a good friend...right?

as jeno pulled up to your apartment building, part of you didn’t want the night to end. he looked over at you with his glorious brown eyes and you were mesmerised. jeno noticed the way you were looking at him, feeling quite giddy with himself. he had always thought you were pretty, in a cute, dorky way. but tonight, you looked electrifying. he was in awe.

as you looked into his eyes, you felt yourself lean closer to him. jeno couldn’t hide his grin, leaning to meet you in the middle.

“may i kiss you?” you asked nervously, which only added to how adorable jeno found you. his hand met your cheek, softly stroking your skin before nodding,

“don’t even need to ask me, love” he quickly pressed his lips onto yours, giving you instant butterflies.

it finally hit you, holy shit, you were kissing lee jeno right now.

you allowed his tongue to enter your mouth, deepening the kiss. it felt like his lips were meant for yours, in a non-cliche way. he was so gentle, yet so passionate with you. he pulled away, leaving you feeling empty inside.

“how far do you wanna go tonight?” that question had you stunned. you weren’t the type for one night stands, but this was jeno. it was like second nature to him. you almost didn’t even have to think twice, you just needed his lips on yours again.

“all the way” you bit your lip anxiously, awaiting his response. jeno’s eyes widened, taken aback by your new found confidence.

“say less, but we should probably get into bed or something” he chuckled, giving you a warm feeling in your stomach. you could practically hear jaemin’s warnings going off like a siren in your head. but when jeno pulled you into your apartment, gently placing you on the bed, lips constantly attached to yours, you drowned out any other thoughts that were occupying your mind.

college was all about new experiences. so naturally, having a random hookup with an attractive guy would be on the list. just for once, you wanted to know what it was like to hookup with lee jeno, even if you were just another number to him.

//

the very next morning, your eyes fluttered open, taking a few moments to fully immerse yourself in the new day ahead. your gaze finally drags over to the sleepy boy next to you. you couldn’t help but admire his side profile, especially his plump lips.

“stop staring, you’re making me shy” he suddenly grumbled, pulling you closer to him, nuzzling his face in your chest. you immediately froze, of course he was awake.

“last night was fun” he mumbled into your skin, softly smirking to himself. you just sighed, he wasn’t wrong per se, you just weren’t sure what this meant for your friendship.

“y-yeah, it was” was all you managed to say, jeno felt there was something off, moving his head to face you. he pulled your chin to meet his face, placing a gently kiss to your lips.

“did you like it?” you knew he was just being cocky right now, but you couldn’t help but engage in his banter.

“nope, worst hookup of my life!” you exaggerated before burying your face into his chest. he shook his head playfully, stroking your hair as you wrapped your arms around his torso.

“what will happen once jaemin finds out?” jeno started to worry, the last thing he needed was jaemin beating his ass for hooking up with his best friend.

“he’ll be mad for like five seconds and probably scold you too” jeno raised his eyebrows, preparing himself for the confrontation.

“there isn’t much he can do about it though” he placed another gentle kiss to your forehead, continuing to stroke your hair.

“let’s do something today, just you and me. you can pick what we do” jeno suddenly offered, causing you to perk up and sit against the headboard.

“well i need to do some grocery shopping, and some chores around the place, it’s kinda messy if you haven’t noticed. but that’s gonna be so boring-“

“i’ll keep you company”

“come again?”

“i’ll help you go shopping and clean, it’s no biggie” jeno smiled softly at you, making your knees go weak. you hoped he wasn’t just been nice because you had slept together...

//

your trip to the grocery store was surprisingly fun. jeno pushed the cart as you mentally ticked off your list of items to buy. he would make small conversation, giving his opinion on which brands were better. he always made sure to walk very close to you, despite pushing the cart. it was like he never left your side the entire trip. and once you got back to your apartment, jeno offered to carry all the bags, making you flustered. he didn’t have to be so...nice?

“you can just leave the bags on the bench, i’ll unpack” you smiled at him, gently tapping his back. jeno nodded, quickly pulling you by the waist, your breath hitched as he placed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“i’ll make some brunch” he smiled softly, pulling away, starting to heat up a pan on the stove. you were still in shock by his display of affection. is this what he did with all his hookups?

you didn’t have the heart to tell jeno to go home, but he seemed to have understood that he had overstayed his welcome.

“i should probably get going, you know, to

shower and all” he had a smug look on his face that you couldn’t help but giggle at. you led him to the door, the sun having just set.

“i’ll see you around i guess” you tried to make this send off as normal as possible, but jeno had other plans.

“no goodbye kiss?”

“huh”

“ah i see, you’re just shy, see you around y/n” he pulled you in for a side hug, waving softly as he made his way out the door. this had to be a one time thing.

//

it had been over a week since you had last seen jeno. and naturally you filled jaemin in on all the events of that night. to say he was shocked as an understatement,

“i cant believe YOU slept with HIM. you’re gorgeous, the prettiest best friend ever, but really? jeno?” jaemin shook his head. you weren’t sure if he was disappointedly or just surprised.

“i-i know. it didn’t mean to play out that way. he’s just really charming. and he’s kind of a gentleman” you couldn’t help but feel some heat rise to your cheeks. jaemin picked up immediately, of course you were already smitten.

“i say this in the most loving way possible, don’t get too involved with him. yeah you guys hooked up, but he is not the relationship type. at all. i don’t want to see you hurt” jaemin pulled you to his side as you both sat with your backs against the headboard of your bed.

“yeah, i’ll be careful” you say out loud...‘or atleast i’ll try to be’ you thought to yourself. this was going to be harder than you anticipated.

seeing jeno around campus was bound to happen. you assumed he would just shoot you a wave or a head nod to greet you but you were wrong. he would offer to walk with you to your classes, even hold your bag for you. he’d even ask if you wanted to go off campus to have lunch. you didn’t exactly reject any of these offers, but you couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy. did he suddenly like you? or is he just trying to not make things awkward between you both? whatever it was, it wasn’t helping your growing crush on the dark haired heartthrob. you were in trouble.

//

one day, jeno had invited himself over to prepare for his upcoming economics quiz. you tried your best to help him study, but then you remembered...lee jeno doesn’t ‘study’, he winged almost every exam and barely passed. C’s get degrees (atleast that was his mindset).

“i’m tired, let’s pick this up again tomorrow” jeno yawned, pushing his textbook to the side as he sprawled his whole body onto your bedroom floor. you were seated on your bed, looking down at the hopeless boy.

“are you sure? we only have one more set of practice questions to go through” you pout, actually finding enjoyment helping him study. jeno shook his head profusely,

“no i’d rather hang out with you” he jumped onto your bed, landing right next to you, wrapping you in his arms.

“i mean, if that’s okay with you” you just nodded, feeling yourself relax in his embrace. jeno gently pulled you down so you were both laying down, facing eachother.

your eyes flickered over his features, his structured nose and jaw, his glimmering eyes and his soft lips. your fingers made their way to graze over his lips, causing him to pout.

“you’re so cute” he mumbled. you moved your hand to hide your face, feeling more flustered than ever.

“why are you getting all shy with me now? did you forget that we had sex? or was that just a really good dream?” he continued to tease, poking at your sides, causing you to let out a loud laugh. you immediately placed your hand over your mouth, feeling embarrassed by the sound that had just left it. jeno raised an eyebrow at you, slightly frowning.

“hey i like making you laugh, so i expect to hear it!”

“s-sorry, i really don’t know why i’m being like this. i-i just, it’s all catching me off guard you know?” you sighed, allowing jeno’s fingers to intertwine with yours.

“it’s alright, i find it endearing” he smiled as he started stroking your hair with his free hand.

“c-can you spend the night?” you suddenly asked, feeling his hand stop in your hair.

“i was hoping you’d ask me that” jeno ducked his head to press his lips against yours. you didn’t want to admit how much you had missed that feeling. but something about the way he kissed you, washed all your cares away. even if there wasn’t any romance behind it, it still felt electrifying.

this was how most nights were spent with jeno. some light studying, some making out, dinner, cuddling, and then more making out before you fell asleep. it was a constant cycle that you didn’t want to stop. he would always compliment you, whether it was your hair or your makeup or your outfit. practically anything he thought you should be praised for, he would compliment you. his words held greater meaning to you than they did to him. you could feel yourself getting flustered each time you received a compliment, while jeno seemed nonchalant. maybe that was just how he was.

one night, jeno decides to stay over, claiming that his heater was broken at his apartment and your bed was warm. but it was code for ‘let’s hook up and fall asleep in eachother’s arms again’. you laid beside him, wrapped tightly in your blanket as jeno pressed soft kisses on your forehead. you started tracing random figures on his chest as he quietly hummed random tunes to get you to sleep. but something was keeping you awake. jeno was hard to read, he never truly expressed his honest feelings towards people. maybe that was just his way of not having to cope with drama. but the constant push and pull between you two had caused many sleepless nights and constant doubt for you. confessing to jeno never crossed your mind prior, but it was the only thing occupying it right now. if you kept it to yourself any longer, you’d probably explode.

you had noticed that jeno’s attendance at frat parties had declined, opting to either hanging out with you or jaemin. he had already quit drinking, not finding much enjoyment anymore. he had also been trying to get above a C average in his classes. you’d say something switched in him, so could it be possible that he may like you too?

“what’s on your mind, pretty girl?” jeno suddenly snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you pull your fingers from his chest.

“nothing” you whispered flatly, but jeno was not convinced.

“come on, something is going on in that

pretty little head of yours, i can see it on your face” he smirked.

“what do you mean?”

“you have this cute frowning face whenever you’re over thinking” you suddenly changed your expression, pulling

yourself to side up as he remained still. you let out a deep sigh, knowing that your next words will change everything.

“i think i like you”

you felt jeno stiffen under the covers, his demeanour suddenly becoming cold. of course you had expected this type of reaction, but seeing it right infront of you, made you want to cry.

“y/n, i don’t think you mean that”

your breath hitched, your throat felt tight.

“i mean, i just- i think you’re amazing. of course i do. but i don’t do relationships. i don’t do feelings or love and that bullshit. atleast not right now, i don’t think i can handle it” each of his words felt like a stab through the heart. how did you misjudge this so badly?

“i fucked things up, didn’t i?” jeno looked you in the eyes sympathetically. of course he felt pity for you.

“no you didn’t. i’m still going to be around. i just can’t be the guy for you” why did you have to go and make things so complicated?

jeno senses you were still overthinking, he smoothed bits of hair from your face, gently tucking them behind your ear.

“don’t frown, pretty girl. i’m not going anywhere” he pulled you closer to him, making you lay down, face to face with him. you wanted to avoid looking into his eyes but he maintained the intense contact with you.

“i’m tired” was all you could think of saying. jeno just nodded,

“rest well” he pulled you into just chest, softly stroking your hair as you closed your eyes. you felt a singular tear stream down your face, landing on jeno’s forearm. he sighed, knowing he hurt you. but he was selfish, he just couldn’t let you go. he wouldn’t let you go.

//

You talked to her, maybe did even worse

I kept quiet so I could keep you

jeno hadn’t been around lately. it was probably for the best, you guessed he just didn’t want you to get attached.

you were walking to your final class of the day, passing by multiple students rushing off in different directions. you were careful not to bump into anything or anyone, but you had the worst luck, feeling yourself slam into a firm figure. your eyes focused on the boy infront of you.

“jeno” your eyes lit up unknowingly, as he greeted you with a smile.

“oh hey, careful there” he helped you remain stable, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“it’s been a while, i was thinking you could come over tonight and we cou-“

“there you are! been looking everywhere for you!” you watched as an unfamiliar girl came up to jeno, leaning into his side. her gaze waved over you, a slight scowl forming.

“y-yeah i’m just talking to a friend, uh this is karina” he introduces to you. what the hell was this? a new girl already?

“i’m y/n, jeno may have mentioned me before” you kindly smile, or atleast you tried your best to.

“oh he’s never mentioned your name, but nice to meet you” she looked over to the boy next to her, “jeno, can you walk me to my class? i’m still kinda lost” she frowned. jeno just nodded in compliance, leading her through the hallway as he sent you a small wave. so this was how it was gonna be.

//

“i mean, who the hell is she? how does she just waltz up in here and suddenly have jeno’s attention like that?” you frustratedly rant to jaemin, who was innocently eating his lunch as you approached him. he practically saw smoke coming out of your ears from how annoyed you were. he had never seen you like this before,

“hey, back track. explain properly” jaemin sighs, pulling you to sit down next to him as he continued eating. you finally got a hold of yourself, taking a few deep breaths,

“her name is karina or something, she’s suddenly hanging around jeno now. and he’s been avoiding me lately” jaemin’s eyes widened slightly, sirens going off in your mind.

“what do you know that i don’t?”

“it’s not my place to say” you scoff,

“not your place? since when have we kept secrets from eachother. i admitted to you that i’ve been having sex with jeno yet you can’t tell me this thing?” jaemin knew you were partially right, but he didn’t want to crush your spirit more than it already was.

“fine, karina was jeno’s first girlfriend. like first love type bullshit. he never really got over her, even when she moved away. i guess she’s back for good” your heart started to ache. gosh, this stupid infatuation with jeno was getting out of control.

“you think he still loves her?” jaemin looked at you with solemn eyes,

“i don’t know, he doesn’t really talk about her much. if anything, i sort of want him to choose you. i think you’re good for him, even if he doesn’t see it yet” you took this as jaemin just trying to cheer you up, you didn’t believe a single word he said. how well did you really know jeno? he had never mentioned karina to you before, nor that she was his first love. i mean, why would he? you were barely friends...right?

//

And ain't it funny how you ran to her


The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

Now it sure as hell don't look like it

jeno was at your apartment once again, his legs dangling over yours as you both typed on your laptops. your mind was trying it’s hardest to focus on your assignment that was due in less than five hours, but you were too distracted by jeno’s presence. it wasn’t unusual for him to hang out with you, but you felt slightly uncomfortable, knowing he had also been hanging out with karina more often. maybe you were just being paranoid, but how could you not be?

“quit staring and finish your work” jeno poked you playfully, shutting the lid of his laptop before moving to lay next to you. he leant against your shoulder, making your heart flutter.

“i-i am. why would i want to look at your gross face anyway?”

“stop denying it” he just snuggled closer to you. of course you couldn’t deny it. before you could respond, jeno’s phone started ringing. he quickly jumped out of your bed, hoping you hadn’t seen the caller ID. but you did. it was the one person you were hoping he had stopped talking to.

“sorry about that, it was uh just jaemin” jeno walked back into your room, acting as if nothing happened. you pierced your eyes at him, was he really going to lie straight to your face?

“i know it was karina. you don’t have to hide it from me” you shrug, pretending to type on your laptop.

“o-oh uh sorry. we’re just friends, you know. incase you were worried” was he being for real?

“why would i be worried? just because i confessed to you doesn’t mean you’re entitled to like me back. if you wanna see her then go see her, don’t use me liking you as an excuse” you felt pure frustration take over your body. you had never experienced this feeling before, even jeno was shocked.

“it’s not like that, i swear. i don’t want stuff between us to...end” jeno moved closer to you, placing his hand to your cheek, gently stroking the skin. there he goes again. these small gestures had you swooning, you just couldn’t help it.

you scrunched your nose at the contact, causing jeno to smile softly.

“so cute” he tapped your nose before engulfing you in his embrace. your assignment was long forgotten once he started kissing you. this was all too overwhelming emotionally, but physically, this felt just right.

//

just when things were beginning to feel normal again, jaemin had a few words for jeno.

“you can’t keep playing her, it’s time to come clean”

“give me time, y/n’s sensitive, i don’t wanna hurt her too bad” jaemin rolled his eyes.

“you’re being a real dick about this. if you have feelings for karina, end it with y/n now, or else i’ll tell her myself” jeno grabbed his arm, pleading him to hear him out.

“please don’t. promise me you won’t. i know it’s going to hurt her, but i want to do it on my own” jaemin wanted nothing more but to call you right now and have jeno confess over the phone. but he knew you deserved to hear it from jeno in person. all that the two boys could think about was how crushed you’d be after hearing the truth. but the truth will always come out one way or another.

//

y/n: hey jeno, i’m officially assignment free! come over and hang tonight :))

jeno: hey sorry, hella swamped with a group assignment at the moment. will make it up to you tomorrow!

you nodded to yourself after reading his message. you were proud of him for working so hard in his studies nowadays, it really seemed like he was improving. you opted to spend a night to yourself, switching on the television and eating an excessive amount of snacks from your kitchen cabinet. as usual, you were on instagram, wondering what others were up to now that most assignments were done and dusted. lee donghyuck had the most wild and sometimes, disturbing, instagram stories but you were always curious as to what he was up to. but this time you regretted it greatly. seeing a video of jeno making out with karina against the wall shattered you. you immediately locked your phone, switching the tv off completely. your body felt numb, why weren’t you reacting? why weren’t you crying? or even mad? how could you be mad...you weren’t even dating him. how pathetic of you to believe he would be loyal after practically rejecting you. you felt like a fool for falling for him. there was no way he could sweet talk his way out of this. the pain was too much for you to bare, resulting in you deciding to take a social media detox...well a detox from everyone really. you became more sheltered and isolated than ever. it was just too good to be true.

//

You betrayed me

And I know that you'll never feel sorry
For the way I hurt, yeah

You talked to her when we were together

Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

“y/n, honey, you need to come out and eat okay?” you regretted giving jaemin a spare key to your apartment. he would enter as he wished, cooking you a warm meal before sitting outside your bedroom door as he begged for you to come out. you hated making him worry like this but you physically couldn’t get yourself to leave your bed. the same bed you and jeno had slept in together many times. you swore you could still smell traces of his scent on the pillow sheets.

“please just go home, jae” you groaned.

“no, i’m your friend and i need to see that you’ve atleast showered and taken care of yourself” his words made you want to cry. he cared for you so much, but he wasn’t the one you wanted to hear these things from. for the first time in what felt like weeks, you stood up from your bed and shuffled towards the door. you turned the door knob slowly, gaining jaemin’s attention. he immediately stood up, eyes scanning over your state.

“oh honey” he pulled you into his chest, gently stroking your hair.

“has he said anything?” you manage to murmur, catching jaemin off guard.

“n-no. atleast not to me. i’m sorry”

“why the hell are you sorry? he should be sorry. he should be grovelling to me to forgive him. but now he’s off, with some other girl. like i never meant a damn thing to him” you scoffed, pushing past jaemin as he trailed behind you with the tray of your now, cold, meal. you sat down on your couch, wrapping yourself in a small blanket.

“do you think he liked her this whole time and just didn’t tell me?” jaemin’s eyes shifted from left to right, which he only did when he withheld information.

“y-you knew?” he slowly nodded, the guilt eating him up inside.

“i wanted to tell you, i promise. but he insisted that he would let you down in person” jaemin tried to explain. you couldn’t even be mad at him. it must have been so obvious that jeno was into karina the whole time. you were just another name to his list. nothing more.

“am i pathetic for still liking him?” jaemin let out a sigh, unsure of how to answer. but that reaction was a good enough indication that you were indeed pathetic, for wanting a guy that didn’t want you. lee jeno was a traitor.

//

another night was spent alone. you were simply catching up on your usual shows, using it as a distraction from the pouring rain. what you didn’t expect was a series of loud knocks on your front door. who the hell wanted to visit you in the early hours of the morning? you proceeded with caution, twisting the door knob, allowing the door to slowly swing open. your eyes met those of the boy who broke you. you wanted nothing more than to shut the door right in his face, but he stopped you before you could even move.

“i-we need to talk” he slurred his words. he seemed drunk, but you weren’t fully sure. you could have sworn he quit drinking months ago, but the sight infront of you was telling you otherwise. jeno suddenly slumped towards you, his weak figure now latching onto you. you quickly shut the door, dragging him to your couch.

“i cant believe you’ve been drinking again” you felt disappointed. he was doing so well.

“couldn’t help myself, life is shitty. i lost you, karina and i are fighting. jaemin is giving me the cold shoulder. oh and i failed my last assignment, guess i can’t even finish the year” you had never seen him so defeated like this, you started feeling pity for him.

“but that’s no reason for you to drink yourself to this state. i’m really disappointed in you. i know you can do better” you sighed before rushing to your kitchen, grabbing him a bottle of water. jeno took slow sips from the bottle, eyes avoiding yours. there was still one question lingering in your mind,

“why are you even at my apartment? don’t you have your own?” you didn’t want to come off as rude but jeno couldn’t deny he felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

“i-i don’t know. i just feel comfort whenever i’m here. y-you gave me comfort. and i messed it all up” you felt tears begin to swell in your own eyes. why was he saying these things now? the timing was terrible.

“you’re babbling nonsense. just go to sleep, i want you gone in the morning” you grab him an extra blanket and pillow, watching as he slowly started drifting to sleep. you weren’t sure if he really meant the things he was saying, but you’d rather keep it that way. you didn’t need any more reasons to hold onto jeno. this was just a one time thing, you weren’t completely heartless. this was the night you saw jeno at his worst, and if you were being honest, you couldn’t be with him like this. you now knew, that you deserved better than lee jeno.

as expected, he was gone by the time you woke up, leaving you a small note,

“thankyou for everything”

you quickly scrunched the piece of paper, tossing it into the bin. you felt slightly relieved, this was a sign that you were finally starting to get over him.

//

Now you bring her around just to shut me down

Show her off like she's a new trophy

And I know if you were true

There's no damn way that you

Could fall in love with somebody that quickly

“hey so there’s gonna be a bonfire tonight, wanna come with me?”

“i don’t know, jaemin. not really up for hanging in big crowds at the moment” jaemin frowned, wanting nothing more than to see his friend happy again.

”i’ll be next to you the entire night, if that gives you more ease” he pleaded with his big eyes, rubbing his shoulder against yours. you eventually gave in, wanting nothing more than for him to stop giving you those creepy eyes. maybe something good will come from the bonfire.

you spoke too soon, the moment jeno and karina showed up, it was like somebody was impaling you with a stake to the heart. you physically couldn’t move, eyes avoiding having to meet those of jeno’s. you felt someone’s eyes on you, but refused to look up from your feet which were buried in the sand. soon enough, you felt the gaze escape, along with the two people you wanted to avoid the most. jaemin awkwardly coughed,

“this is going to be harder than i thought” you sighed, causing jaemin to press his lips together in a tight line.

“i know, but it’s not the end of the world” he shrugged, pulling you closer to him as you both soaked up the heat from the fire. you hated how jeno was showing her off like his new trophy. he constantly had his arm around her, laughing with his friends loudly, pressing soft kisses to her forehead. it made you sick.

your mind drifted to the conversations where jeno insisted he was not the ‘relationship type’. you remembered how he avoided your confession, how he only wanted your company when he felt alone. how he always interrupted you with a kiss when you would ask about his feelings. it all felt like some sort of sick joke to you. if you knew jeno the way you thought you did, there was no way he could fall inlove so quickly.

but you knew that he was inlove, or atleast falling inlove, because he looked at her the way you used to look at him. you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself, you got played. plain and simple. lee jeno was never meant to be a permanent figure in your life, he was a lesson to be learnt. you had to let him go, no matter how much it hurt, you knew it would be for the best.

//

it was finally summer break, instant weight lifting from your shoulders as you handed in your final paper. although this year had its ups and downs, you were beyond proud of how you managed to stay on top of your school work, and shove any thoughts regarding jeno, from your mind. it had been radio silence from

his end, not having reached out to you in weeks, until some of your classmates invited you to some drinks at a local club. you couldn’t pass on a night to finally let loose, so you gleefully accepted their offer. it was also nice way of making new friends for the following year to come.

“hot damn, who the hell is that?” your newest friend, minjeong, swooned. you shifted your eyes to the figure in question. jeno stood there in all his glory, leather jacket hung loosely on his shoulders as he greeted your classmates one by one. he was slowly making his way to you and minjeong, you wanting nothing more than to rush to the bathroom. but he definitely would have seen you,

“long time no see” he grinned, taking a seat on the bar stool next to you. minjeong noticed that you were beginning to feel uncomfortable. she tapped your arm gently, asking with one simple gaze if you needed her with you. you shook your head in response, this was something you needed to sort out, once and for all.

“it has been a while” you sighed, turning to face the boy who tore you to pieces. jeno stiffened at your tone, part of his heart aching to hear you speak to him in such way.

“how have things been? i-i kinda miss hanging out together-“

“are you serious right now?” you practically scoffed, taking a large gulp from your drink. you needed some liquid courage for the speech you were about to give.

“who do you think you are to come up here and act like everything is all good between us? i know that jaemin has told you how hurt i was over you, gosh, it was probably one of the most painful heartbreaks i’ve ever experienced. can i even call it that? a heartbreak? i mean, we never dated so technically we never even broke up” jeno slowly gulped at your words, hoping no one else was eavesdropping on your conversation. but he allowed you continue,

“we hooked up, i confessed, and it all went to shit. once something new and shiny came by, i was old news. i really thought we were going to be something. how naive i was to even believe that someone like you could be with someone like me. i guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor, lee jeno. and i hope you never forget it” you could barely look at him, feeling hot tears fill your eyes. you clenched your fists as jeno cleared his throat before speaking.

“i-i’m sorry okay? i didn’t mean for things to go so far with us. i never want you to think that you aren’t important to me. at the time, you were one of the best things that had ever happened to me. but we just weren’t right for each other, i told you that from the start” you finally built the courage to face him, his gentle eyes meeting your pained ones.

“god i wish you had thought this through, before i went and fell in love with you” those words hit him like a truck. he knew he had messed up, there was no going back from the damage he had done. he broke someone that he truly cared about. he hurt one of his only friends. he could never forgive himself for that.

“y-you’re going to find someone. someone way better than me. someone who sees how beautiful you are, someone who will hold on for dear life because they’re scared of losing you. i’m sorry i couldn’t be that guy for you. i am so sorry” you could sense the sincerity in his voice, but there was only so much an apology could fix.

“may i ask, are you happy?” he already knew his answer, and he knew it would hurt you if he answered truthfully. but he was done with lies,

“yeah i am, are you?” you pondered for a moment,

“i will be” you firmly answered, feeling a small grin grow on your face. although this entire interaction was pure torture, you were glad you were able to air out your conscience to the one person who was filling it. you and jeno agreed to cut contact for the time being, wishing each other the best. of course you would think about him every now and then, but you were onto bigger and better things. lee jeno was just one chapter on your book of life. there was so much more out there for you, and you couldn’t wait to experience it.

[some-dr-writings]

SDR2 guys x intimidating looking but sweet S/O

Hajime Hinata:

·       You had been Hajime’s best friend for as long as he could remember. You were always so smart and the top in your class. Truthfully Hajime expected you to be invited to Hope’s Peak, but… you were always rambunctious. As smart as you were, you didn’t care for rules that existed outside ones of safety. You were labeled the school delinquent, getting into fights, breaking most rules for the sake of breaking them, doing whatever you could to get a reaction from others, all the while smiling and laughing away having the time of your life.

·       “Ah! Hajime! That’s amazing!” “Y/N!?” You scooped him into your arms, lifting off his feet, spinning around and around. “MY boy, going to HOPE’S PEAK ACADEMY! This is amazing!” Suddenly your spinning came to a stop, stomping a foot on the ground to do so. “Hajime. Hope’s Peak is far, so you’ll be moving right? If that’s the case, you better text me every day! Okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want too, but at least keep me informed of the big stuff like how your first day was or the school festival or at least the sports day! Or, OR! If you’d like, maybe I could move with you, somewhere close to the school and I’ll just get a job in the area so you could just talk to me in person! I would visit, but even by train it’s a two-day trip and I’d probably get board at some point and get kicked off, and there’s also studying for school or work or whatever I do.” A light pink dusted Hajime’s cheeks, feeling a bit flustered at how excited you were, still effortlessly him closely, high off the ground. He swore his heart began to race seeing your absolutely beaming smile which seemed to shine brighter than the sun to him.

·       When with his friends he’d speak of you often, not to the point of annoyance, just enough for them to know he clearly missed you. From how he described you, you seemed to be the sweetest, most wholesome person in existence despite being a bit rowdy. So when Kazuichi caught Hajime holding hands and appearing to be going on a date with a person covered in scars exposed by your unbuttoned shirt, haired dyed a bright blond, scary tattoos, spiked jacket and boots, even having a mask covering you face, nobody believed him till Hajime walked in on the conversation, saying that was you. After that they insisted on meeting you, wanting to know such a seemingly contrasting person existed, and when they did meet you, they gave Hajime their approval, even if he didn’t want or need it.

   Izuru Kamakura:

·       Many things Izuru found boring, but if he had to choose one thing he found more boring than anything else, it’d have to be the baseless rumors surrounding you, his partner, all because you had a scary face. It was so ridiculous he couldn’t even entertain the idea of you secretly being the heir of a yakuza gang or something so off the wall even he couldn’t recall. Whenever he heard such rumors as he walked down Hope’s Peak’s halls, he thought he may just fall asleep from how tiring it was, thinking about the mental gymnastics people had to go through to even come to such conclusions.

·       It was another day and again he heard of your imaginary exploits of having killed a man in cold blood for money or some such and instantly he just felt exhausted. He continued to walk till he stopped before a door and knocked. “Oh, hey Izu-baby. What brings you here?” “… I just found myself here.” You chuckled, simply opening the door, taking your boyfriend’s hand and leading him in.

·       You promptly plopped him into a seat, going off to get something, Izuru had the chance to examine the many brushes, hair products and hair accessories spread out on the counter. There were even several sticky notes on the edges of the large vanity mirror, neat writing noting some appointments you had. Seems like he had come in when you were cleaning between appointments. “I found a new brush and I think it should work well with your thick long hair.” You placed your a hand on one of the back rest corners of the chair, leaning a little over him, smiling as you held said brush before him. “Then test it.”

·       You giddily collected his hair, your touch occasionally grazing across his skin. Your hands though covered in cuts, slightly dyed from all your hair styling work, and probably tired from having worked for almost six hours straight according to the sticky notes, they still were ever so gentle, making sure to not get caught on or pull any knots. Then you began to brush, starting from the bottom and working your way up. “Izuru, you have a few split ends, and it’s been a while, mind if I give you a light trim while I have you here?” “You have an appointment in forty-three minuets.” “Hmm… Yeah, I can get this done in time.” Once you reached the top you gave his hair a few extra strokes from top to bottom, making sure you got everything. “Oh, I also found a new shampoo which can help your hair. It’s still so dull, but at this point it might be because of your diet since I can’t seem to find anything that can work for you. Have you been eating? Has the staff been testing you on talents again and not feeding you?” “No.” You were going to ponder for a moment, to try figuring out what your boyfriend’s problem could be when said boyfriend placed a hand on your cheek, lightly pulling you beside him. Closing his eyes, he leaned in and kissed you on the cheek. “You’re so exhausted you forgot we spoke of this very subject yesterday.” “Huh?” Your entire face flushed a bright red, still unused to Izuru’s sparce displays of affection. Then to your confusion he pulled you onto his lap. “I-Izu-baby?” “You are taking a nap.” For some reason in that moment of seeing you so flustered he recalled the rumors. The thought of you even harming a fly was laughable, you were the absolute sweetest, kindest, caring person he had ever met. Holding you close he simply leaned into you, thinking you could both use a nap together.

   Nagito Komaeda:

·       You made your own rumors. The ones about you secretly being an assassin, you started it. The one about how you once were an international thief, you did it. The one about you selling drugs, that one was actually an accident, you were just getting a friend their pain meds, but you spread about a few more stories like it not long after. Why purposefully spread rumors many would wonder… well… there were two reasons.

·       The first, you found most people annoying and simply didn’t want to deal with them, content with your small, very close friend group. It was the perfect way to get people to back off so you wouldn’t have to deal with them in their first place. You also found some fun in seeing people run from you from your presents alone, made you feel like some cartoon super villain which you found quite amusing.

·       The second reason… You had always told your boyfriend the first one, but to his confusion, you’d always avoid telling him the other reason. Nagito knew you’d had to have your reasons for not telling him, but… well you were his partner, of course he was going to worry a little even if it seemed you knew what you were doing.

·       But he could ignore it no longer when you took the blame for him. Nagito came up with a plan to blow up a building, forcing the exams to be delayed so his classmates could have more time to prepare for them… and you took for the blame for it, being expelled for a time, but not forever. You couldn’t even stay on your dorm on campus, winding up staying in some cheap hotel paid by the school.

·       “Why did you do it?” “Eh, Nagito?” “WHY! Why did you take the blame for me!? I was trying to get you more time so you could show off in glory, but now you’re stuck here. Why did you do it?” Nagito was always so calm and composed, likely from facing disaster after disaster caused by his bad luck, but he was actually troubled, he was upset, but not even at himself like he always did thinking himself trash, no, he was legitimately upset with you. “… Normally people greet their partner with a ‘hello’ or something.” The last thing you were expected to be greeted by your first morning exiled from school was your boyfriend in such a state. “I- No. Y/N, tell me, why?” “… I…” You couldn’t tear your eyes away from him, this new side you had never even thought existed, yet you also couldn’t bear to look at him either so instead you looked to his feet. “I don’t want to lie to you, but… I don’t want to tell you the truth either. But! What I can tell you, is that this is fine, I chose this, I wanted this. So, you don’t have to worry about me, this just means I have even more time to develop my talent.” You tried giving him a smile, but it just ended up strained seeing that didn’t placate him. W-why? He always saw everything ultimates did was amazing and respected even the worst of decisions, yet… he was mad, and sad, and so many other things you couldn’t pinpoint not being able to bring yourself to study his expression for long.

·       “No, this is not fine. What you did is not helping you. This is only a detriment. I-I-I, I just can’t understand! I can’t understand why. How did this turn out so wrong?” “… the other reason.” “Huh?” You spoke so quietly, it was but a whisper, Nagito had just barely caught it. “The other reason… It’s why I NEED a bad reputation, not just something I want for the fun of it.” You sighed, preparing for the inevitable Nagito calling himself trash and you trying to comfort him song and dance. “You’re such a volatile wild card. I never know what you’ll do next. Nagito, you literally tried to blow up a building with people inside, I know your luck probably would have saved them or something or you assumed the ultimates inside would save the day, but… that’s not healthy! You’ve been through so much and need help. I, I want to help you, but I just don’t know what to do. So… to me, the best I can do is try to protect you.” Even as his eyes widened, realizing what happened, you continued. “With a bad reputation, rumors of all sorts, both extreme and little, it can be expected that I can do anything without it being out of character. I can take on anyone’s bad actions and call it my own and all will believe it… Even if I can’t protect you from the insanity that is our life, the very least I can do is protect you from yourself, the consequences of your actions. I can’t get you to at last see yourself as decent, I can’t stop your luck from torturing you, this… this is all I can think of for what I could ever do for you… it’s the only kind of affection I can give without you saying or thinking you’re unworthy of it… though I guess I don’t even have that now, but… I don’t know, maybe this was-”

·       …

·       He hugged you. He didn’t know what to say. He took in everything you said, yet his mind was just blank. He had so much to say, yet he just could… All he could do was just nuzzle into you, one who was just so sweet and kind, and… he needed to better for you, Nagito at least new that for sure.

   Imposter:

·       Imposter wondered how they ever were lucky enough to find a partner like you. They never thought they’d find anyone who could get them to see themselves as a person even without the disguises, let alone a whole class at one point. Yes, they still disguised themselves, but when they were just with you they felt okay to not keep the make-up, wigs and costumes. They were just… whoever they were without being someone else. Their own identity was something they still struggled with but working on it with your helped.

·       Individuals who could stay true to themselves no matter what were people they respected highly, that was probably what got them to fall for you in the first place. No matter who avoided you, the children who cried from seeing your large, buff figure, no matter the sports nuts who insisted on you joining their team, you always were the shy Super High School Level Flower Shop Keep who loved exercising.

·       When they first met you, they were masquerading as Beyakuya Togami, not exactly the most sociable of personalities, so they thought they scared you away. When first meeting a person you didn’t speak much, instead you’d gift flowers and spoke through flower language. “Oh, well… there’s a lot you can say with flowers. I’ve just always liked them. I just like being outside, so I exercise a lot! But then I got toned, and already being on the bulkier side some people find me scary… Ah, but if I give the children flowers, they usually stop crying… unless a bee comes by, then they cry again.” Even though you were so soft spoken when you did speak, it was still rather intimidating. There was just so much power in it.

·       They rather enjoyed how you’d decorate them with your beloved plants, whether it be placing them behind their ear, in their hair, or in their breast pocket. They also adored each bouquet you gave. Very quickly their whole dorm room smelled of fast-food and a light floral perfume. They pressed and kept every last flower, preserving them all even the ones from when you first met.

·       You were so open and honest, even though you tried hiding it they knew when you had a crush on them- or well Beyakuya… They had no identity outside of whoever they were impersonating, but… the thought made their heart ache. So, when you came up to them with giant bouquet filled with tulips, purple roses, red roses, alstroemerias, and baby’s breath they could easily see even as you hid it behind your back, a bright blush on your cheeks, they knew what was happening, and rejected you before you could give them the flowers and confess. You hugged the bouquet close as they explained their situation, and even after, you still held out the flowers to them. “So, your identity is more complex than I knew, but all our time together still happened. And if you change identities, it’ll be like a change in color. Definitely different, even changing the meaning, but the base is still the same, you’ll still remember our time together even as someone else.” And since that moment, no matter what came, you never left them.

   Gundham Tanaka:

·       The moment Gundham met the Super High School Level Vet, Gundham fell head over heels for them. They were an intimidating, brutish, scarred from battles past, every last feature was terrifying, their features sharp, everything about them commanded the respect of all, even getting his Dark Devas to be weary of them at first sight.

·       Caring for animals was a tricky job, it often involved getting scratches and bites, but you also needed to be patient and kind. You needed to be respected but also not appear hostile. A balance you embodied, looking fierce, yet you were so gentle and sensitive to others around you.

·       The pair of you always spent time looking after his many animals, tending to any injuries or illnesses they possibly could have gotten.

·       You also tended to Gundham Tanaka himself, much to his flustered, blushing protest. “I have no such injures of which you speak!” “Tanaka, you can’t even hold a pencil you hand is hurting so bad. Please let me at least look at it.” He kept refusing till some students came by asking if he were alright, fearing the scary looking person who kept looming around him all day. “Pathetic! Of such a low level you can’t even decern one’s true nature!” Then he stomped off till finally he found you. “My Emperor!” “Hey Tana-” “I seek thy aid, for only one of your caliber could even remotely stand a chance of resisting my poisoned skin, let alone tent to the curse that plagues this mortal form!” You just silently stared at him for a moment before you started fussing over him, clutching his jacket since you wanted to hug him. “What happened!? Did it get worse!? Tell me EVERYTHING about how you feel! Do you think it’s infected!? How does it hurt!? Does it sting or burn, or what!?” Gundham himself began to panic, unsure as to how to calm and put you at ease, never before seeing you worried to the point of tears forming in the corners of your eyes! However, you did quickly settle down, getting serious tending to his wound…

·       And even as you did so, you avoided touching him. If you needed to apply ointment, you’d use a q-tip, you’d do anything you could to not touch him… Even you tending to him sent his heart racing, showing vulnerability, he was used to giving the care, not the other way around. He felt vulnerable in a way, he showed you he was hurting, but you were so gentle with him, so aware of him, even stopping and giving him a moment to pause and collect himself.

·       Someone so attentive and understanding… He groaned, embarrassed at how giddy, and excited, and nervous even the mere thought of you made him.

   Kazuichi Soda:

·       He was terrified of you at first, even going so far as to actively avoid you. But then he met you. The moment he did so he was so confused as to how he found you scary? After actually taking to you, he found you, looks and all so adorable! He’d gush to anyone and everyone about how kind and amazing and sweet you were. He’d defend you to the death if a person even made the smallest negative comment about you, much to your complete embarrassment.

·       After becoming your boyfriend Kazuichi would always hang around you, cooing over everything that was you, shattering any intimidating precents you had with the man hugging your arm, speaking in such a sickeningly sweet tone with sparkling eyes.

·       Feeling like the world was against you, Kazuichi spent all his time with you to make up for it. No matter how many times you told him he didn’t have to he insisted on giving you all the affection you so rightly deserve!

·       When you weren’t embarrassed by the man’s antics you’d be just as affectionate in return. As he tinkered on whatever you’d hug him from behind, sighing, and nuzzling into the nape of his neck, tickling him, distracting him from his work. He’d giggle, giddy out of his mind at having someone so sweet and adorable love him almost as much as he loved you!

·       If Kazuichi caught even one person giving you a funny look, he’d just hug and snuggle you with a pout, glaring at others.

·       “Kazu, you don’t have to defend me from everyone. I know I’m not exactly the most approachable looking.” “What!? No! You are gorgeous! Adorable! Beautiful! Don’t self-deprecate yourself!” “I’m not, I just… I know you’re affectionate, but you don’t have to be so protective, I appreciate it, but you don’t have to do this every time. I just want you to enjoy yourself not feel like you have to be my knight in shining armor or something.” “Well, I can’t enjoy myself if others are being jerks!” Kazuichi would never admit it to you, but he felt guilty. He knew what it was like to be bullied, for others to make comments. He also felt guilty for judging you so much before meeting you. he was once scared with a person he instantly fell in love with after finally talking to them. He just wanted to make up for that, he wanted to say he was sorry… And feeling you hug him, thank him for being your knight, he was reminded all over why he loved such a sweet person so much, and he was determined to give you all the love he could to make up from being so cruel before.

   Teruteru Hanamura: part 1

·       Teru had a rather interesting relationship with the new delivery person. You weren’t mean, but your whole aura was rather intimidating with your cold demeanor and with how muscular you were. Yet of all people, you were warm and kind to him. You merrily chat about your day, or about anything. You’d get a laugh out of his flirting, even try and miserably fail at flirting back, something Teru found endlessly endearing. Whatever made Teru special he honestly didn’t care, just enjoying your company so much.

·       After your hard work, well hard for most but for you it was just seemingly light stretches, Teru would cook a hearty meal for you to keep you going for the rest of the day! It was his favorite thing to do before opening the restaurant, just that single quiet moment of enjoying a meal with you.

·       Teru could find something attractive about anyone, but with you… well you were certainly attractive, a stallion, a ten out of ten to him, but he found he so quickly grew feelings for you. True a person’s personality or voice could be sexy but there was something different about it with you. But whatever it was, didn’t matter to him, all he knew was that he just wanted to spend more time with you, and whatever you did together didn’t matter to him, as long as you were together.

·       You sighed, taking another bite. “Is something the matter?” “I’m just going to miss this.” “What?” You didn’t even glance his way, simply continuing to enjoy your meal. “Yeah, I gotta move soon. I’ve actually stayed here much longer than I should, but… I just couldn’t resist sticking around longer ‘cause of you… again.” “Ah, well… that’s too bad. It’s been rather fun having you around.” “It’ll be alright. I know you’ll be fine without me. Actually, I’d like to ask you to make a promise to forget me.” “Forget you!? How in tarn- AH I- Ahem- How could I do that!?” You simply smiled and laughed, just as you did before. You placed a hand on his cheek, gently caressing him with your thumb. “You’re the only person I can call a friend. I know you can keep this promise, that’s just the kind of person you are. Sure, you’re a bit raunchy, but you truly are kind and care for others. You could never let me feel guilty about leaving you behind.” Teru was silent for a moment, just taking in what you said. “When will you be leaving?” “Uh… I should say tomorrow, but I’m thinking a week.” A week? Teru could work with that!

·       “Please go on a date with me!” “… Huh?” In complete bafflement you just let Teruteru take your hands into his, a determined glint in his eyes. “If you’ll be leaving I want to make the most of the time we have left!” “…oh… uh… o-okay, we could do that.”

·       And so, the week was filled with date after date, going all out with no inhibitions doing anything you could think of from watching a movie to sky diving. Wherever you went Teru always had a packed meal on hand for the pair of you to enjoy. It was honestly the best week of either of your lives. And all too quickly it had already passed you by.

·       Standing on the bridge in the park you stood side by side watching the sun rise. “Well, that’s it, I better get going. I really enjoyed this, just as always. Thank you.” “Now hold on a moment, you can’t go just yet!” He held out a small plastic container to you. “You need a good meal for the road! Don’t know where you’re going, but wherever it is, it’d be a downright shame if I left you hungry along the way!” You simply stared at him for a moment before the softest, most earnest of smiles he had ever seen creased your lips. So tenderly you took the container. “… Some things never change I suppose… At least I know you can still keep that promise.” Then without so much as explaining your strange words, you disappeared as if you never even were there. It was sad for Teru, yet something in him knew he’d see you again, and that thought let him go back to his everyday life as if you never appeared, yet after that life just seemed more lively to him, just like those later years back in Hope’s Peak, though as to why that time seemed livelier he couldn’t quite remember.

  Nekomaru Nidai:

·       Being a rather intimidating looking guy with a heart of gold, Nekomaru took to understanding your situation quickly. Both of you being athletic and getting rather larger builds it just kinda naturally happened.

·       Being the exceedingly kind individual you were others often took advantage of that. Even if you knew it was bad you couldn’t bring yourself to not help others in need for even the smallest of things. This was not something Nekomaru could stand, but finding you standing out in the rain for two days straight was the last straw and the man insisted on training you! You were a bit nervous at first not wanting to take up so much of your best friend’s time, but with some reassurances Nekomaru managed to warm you up, both literally and metaphorically to the training.

·       At some point the training turned into days out, going hiking up mountains, or jogging on beaches, swimming in lakes and doing crossfit, sometimes going out for walks in the night, exploring the city looking for things to do, perhaps some karaoke, some slow dancing by moon light, and yeah you two just ended up dating without meaning too.

·       The pair of you always came up with excuses like the slow dancing was training in balance, no you totally did not want to dance because it was a beautiful night and you could hear ballroom music not far in the distance, no that was totally not it, that’d be dumb… or so you kept telling yourself in these moments so you would not confess to the man fearing he really did only see these outings as training and nothing else.

·       That was till you overheard Nekomaru chatting with his classmates, one of them asking how his ‘date’ with you went and he spoke of your beautiful hike up the mountains, not even batting an eye at their wording. Did… did he not notice, or just not care? Did this mean he liked you too? Or did you mishear? Quickly getting frustrated with this line of thinking you decided to just settle this!

·       “There you are-” “I have something to tell you!” The man silently stood there, just waiting. Okay, this was it, and you took a deep breath. “I… I REALLY LIKE YOU!” “I REALLY LIKE YOU TOO! YOU ARE A CHERISHED FRIEND OF MINE!” “NO, I MEAN- I-I-I LOVE YOU, I THINK!? I DON’T KNOW!” “I LOVE YOU TOO, A LOT IN FACT!” “N-NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU!” “OH YEAH!?” “YES! SO MUCH!”

·       Screaming your feelings for one another was a very common occurrence in the relationship. Even if one of you simply caught sight of the other off in the distance you’d yell ‘I love you’s, which more often than not scared or startled the people around you hearing such loud, booming voices out of nowhere.

·       Life with Nekomaru could be a bit much at times, but it was well worth it for such an amazing guy.

   Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu:

·       You were perfect for him.

·       You didn’t have any reputation really, but wherever you went people knew not to mess with you. Your mere presents not much but if one got close, they could feel this unsettling air about you making them go away. You, being the Super High School Level Street Fighter knew how to defend yourself from most attackers so Fuyuhiko didn’t have to worry about your safety like he’d have to with most others like the majority of his old classmates like Hajime.

·       You were also the most kind and sweet person he had met. Behind closed doors you’d always have you arms open for Fuyuhiko. You’d hold him close, just let him listen to your steady heartbeat and make him feel so safe and secure. His favorite thing was to just cuddle with you.

·       He also liked you being by his side, it served a dual purpose. One: if somehow when meeting some rival gang his reputation didn’t precede him, you were enough to intimidate them at a glance, despite his own baby face. The second and much more important to him, just being with you. True you were well equipped to handle yourself, but you were still human can had come back home to him plenty of times with new scars not from your usual fights, so by your side he and Peko could protect you.

·       He also liked how you were with his subordinates. You were strict, showing no signs of weakness, more than willing to put them in their place should it be needed, yet that didn’t stop you from being kind. You’d do research for days on end trying to find the perfect birthday gift them. You’d train their kids by hand in all ways of fighting, but not for attacking but self-defense, their parents were in a dangerous job so your ‘day job’ of being a children’s fighting instructor helped to place their minds at ease a little.

·       If he could he’d go on for hours singing your praises. You were perfect for him in every single way without a single doubt.

[rainpudding]

note; m will be in my next post, someone else already requested it >3

tw; depression,suicide and ed mentioned,alcohol dying and etc..

KAEYA | ANGST ALPHABET

catcall die kidnapped time

Kidnapped (you’re kidnapped)

Most people would say Kaeya would develop a strong alcohol addiction to forget that his lover went missing however I have to strongly disagree.

When Kaeya gets home and he can't find you anywhere he won't think much of it. Maybe you went to visit your family and forgot to tell him, or you're having a sleepover with a friend. On the outside, he seems calm as for the next three days he goes to work acting as nothing happened. But on the inside he is panicking, he gets his work done as soon as possible as he gets home just to sit down on a chair staring at the door. He Is waiting for the door to open and you to appear. He is sitting there for hours and hours.

After a week of you not appearing he blames himself for not reaching for help sooner as it may be too late to found you. He calls knight of favounius and citizens of mondstat goes in groups looking for you. Traveler makes missing posters trying to help at least a little bit.

Kaeya wants to forget you but he slowly loses interest in alcohol, it feels like it lost Its taste.

His public calm image is slowly breaking as his mind is filled with dark imaginations. He slowly forgets to eat meals or to keep himself hydrated.

Apart from Childe who gets obsessive filled with hope, Kaeya gets depressive knowing that there is no possibility you can be okay.

Jean first notices Kaeya's depression when she sees him standing in the middle of the hall. His eyepatch is missing his messy hair covering his eye. He wears only his white shirt as he is visibly confused.

The dehydration and sleep deprivation have a bad impact on him. Jean knows something is wrong and sends him home in order to take a break. Which does not help since Kaeya should have human interaction and get meds not be home.

Diluc gets worried as he makes meals for him carrying them to his house. The house is a mess as Kaeya is unable to clean which results in Dikuc quickly putting Kaeya's mess into the bin trying to clean up at least a little bit.

Kaeya, on the other hand, doesn't want to go to sleep but once he is asleep he doesn't want to wake up. He can't get out of his bed. Becoming more disoriented and slowly forgetting why he is sad in the first place.

He doesn't remember your face anymore, nor your name. He doesn't remember you at all.

And one morning when Diluc opens door to Kaeya's room holding breakfast to his surprise he finds Kaeya in his bed. Melatonin pills everywhere as he slowly realizes Kaeya overdosed himself.

But let's imagine you were found and you came home just before Kaeya got depressed.

You open the door with a crack quickly closing it as you finally feel safe. You were missing for almost three months yet since day one you were dreaming of the moment when you will be able to hug Kaeya again.

You look around finding your shared house slightly messy. The bin is filled with old food. The boxes on tables are also filled with untouched food. You wander around softly smiling at the pictures and decorations.

You pinch yourself just to be sure this is not one of the fantasies you always dreamed about. Opening one of the doors you walk in just to see Kaeya peacefully sleeping in pillows and blankets. His hair messy and his eyepatch still on.

You don't want to wake him up yet you're too excited to wait. You run to him as you hug him tightly. Sweet tears rolling down your cheeks as you sniffle Kaeya's scent.

Kaeya tries to push you away murmuring from his sleep before sleepily opening his eyes. They are dark as the ocean as the sparkles died down. His smirk wasn't decorating his face anymore. Instead, he sighed rubbing his eyes.

You would stroke his cheeks as you hold his chin softly. You're saying reassuring words while smiling with glossy eyes. He finally realizes that you're real. Grabbing your hands to squeeze them and peppering your face with many kisses.

And after a whole hour of hugging each other and you telling him about your kidnapper he decides to go to knights of favounius so they can throw your kidnapper into jail.

However, as he stands up you suddenly stop him as you look at his body. You can see how skinny he got, how his bones are seen, and how his skin is pale. Not to mention the blue hair on the pillow signalizing hair loss.

And you realize that he barely ate. That's why there were boxes with untouched food.

"Later, I'm hungry can we go for lunch first?" You smile brushing your thumb against Kaeya's hand as he nods.

- it would take some time for Kaeya to start taking care of himself again. But when you're with him he is willing to try.

- He will take a break to spend time with you as you cook together and clean the house later even going for a walk.

- eventually, give him few months and he will be healthy again.

Catcall (you’re catcalled and he’s with you)

Same as Diluc, Kaeya is well known and has a reputation. There is no way someone would catcall you on purpose. Yet let's imagine some drunk group catcalling you in front of your boyfriend.

This would go based on how bold they are.

1; if they will call you baby or any pet name maybe hinting something romantic. Kaeya will just chuckle as he is listening to them. He wouldn't get angry as he thinks it's funny how they try to flirt with you. "You should watch what you say, honorary citizens," he smiles as he is supporting his chin.

2; they would get more inappropriate or even try to touch you. This would make Kaeya slightly alerted. When they say something inappropriate he just slowly moves you next to you or into his lap. Or he has a hand around your waist. They will notice him and leave you alone. Yet if they continue even touching you he would be pissed. He doesn't want to make a scene yet he has to make a move. He stood up taking his sword pointing it at the drunk person's chest. He is glaring at that person as the person shivers apologizing. Kaeya's gaze is terrifying. But as soon as the person apologizes he hides his sword sitting next to you again.

The person will probably never come to the tavern again.

Time (you’re ill and only have a few months to live)

Kaeya started noticing that the last few days you didn't felt very well. And the symptoms you were experiencing were quite unique. Pale skin and black bags under the eyes because of insomnia. Hairloss and muscle pain. You not being hungry and constant vomiting. Scars and bruises randomly appearing on your skin.

His eyebrows were scrunched as he had a sad expression on his face. Yet every time you greeted him he quickly smiled and giggled pulling you into a hug and giving you lots of affection. You knew something wasn't right with you too, but you tough maybe it was an allergy or just some mental illness that could go away with few herbs.

Eventually, after the symptoms continuing Kaeya decided to visit Albedo. This resulted in you spending the whole weekend at Albedo's place. He took your blood and saliva, checking your bones and trying to massage the muscles. Taking detailed notes very carefully.

And when the tests were done and you got to know you're slowly dying as your organs are slowly collapsing, you couldn't do anything but blankly stare onto the wall. You felt hopeless. You knew you had few days to live before dying a painful death yet you weren't ready. All your dreams and goals were left in the dust.

Kaeya on the other hand couldn't believe it. He was following Albedo around asking him if It's true and how can he help you. He pinched himself several times, trying to get out of this nightmare. Kaeya grew desperate as he begged Albedo on his knees to make medication. Albedo would of course love to help but he didn't know how so he would dismiss Kaeya over and over.

Kaeya's wasn't mentally well. He would be obsessed with finding some medication. Contacting Baizhu from Lyuie. Spending all his money on different doctors and different people. He didn't even realize that at this time he should pay attention to you and go on dates with you. Instead, he was away in different nations looking for herbs and scientists.

Die (their reaction when you die/your reaction when they die)

And once Kaeya finally arrives home full of despair as he got few herbs but no medication he slowly walks around the room. But before he can hug you and reassure you and spend time with you he finds you on the floor. You were just taking few painkillers writing a diary entry as you collapsed eventually your organs giving in.

He would sit down in panic his eyes glossy as his breathing is slow. "Breathe, common please breathe, to the archons. Lord barbatos y/n breathe," he repeats himself over and over as tears roll down his cheeks. His hands shaking as he cheks your heartbeat.

Your body so cold and your eyes blank. Without a pinch of life. And that's when he breaks down.

Completely sobbing at your dead body. Brushing his hands over your skin as he peppers your face with kisses. "I'm sorry I didn't try harder, I'm useless, I'm a burden. I can't do anything right," he kisses you. But nothing.

You didn't wake up.

He kisses you again expecting you to wake up. In movies, they always wake up.

But this is not a movie.

This is a painful reality.

[aziraphalesangel]

I've been lucky, I know, with my experience in the mental health system. I got all my care through outpatient; none of my team work with me through a hospital based practice. and I think that makes a huge difference, but again, I was lucky. right place right time. and by then I'd worked in a mental health unit as part of the nursing staff long enough to know I never ever want to be admitted.

and I'm saying this as someone who's been both mentally ill and worked in mental health, that although I loved working at that unit, there are so many things on a systemic level that I really really hate about the inpatient system.

I have a friend. who, mentally, started going rapidly downhill at about the same time as me. similar presentation if I'm honest; severe depression, rapid weightloss and self harm. she lost more weight than me (and I mean A Lot), but she'd been maybe 20kg heavier at the start so she got compliments when I started getting concern. I hit her "goal weight" and I could see how bitter she was even as she held me up to stop me fainting. But she was so much louder about her pain than me, and people got worried. and here's the difference between her and me that mattered:

she told people she was purging, she told people she was restricting, she told people she was cutting. But most importantly? she told people not just that she was suicidal, but that she had already attempted more than once (she totalled 6 times that year that I know of. she's still alive, don't worry.)

Straight to emergency, scheduled under the mental health act. She was in that hospital for 3 months, then back in again a week after her first discharge.

Good, I thought. She'll be safe.

But here's the problem with the inpatient system - it relies incredibly heavily on pathologisation, medication and chemical restraint. It took me 2 years to get a formal diagnosis, but I still had my treatment plan, I still got help, and I have coping mechanisms that are both healthier and not dependent on "as needed" medication (take my antidepressants out of my cold dead hands though, don't get me wrong, I love medication. magic stuff. I'll get to my point).

She got not just one, but 4 diagnoses in that first admission. Because you have to have a diagnosis in hospital right? that's how treatment works. you can't have antipsychotics without psychosis. her whole outpatient team is made up of the inpatient treating team, the hospital allied health and nurses and dieticians. Her care plan was and still is, very different to mine.

And now it's 2022, and I'm watching her collecting diagnoses like pokemon cards, and taking heavy meds like they're lollies, and still looking for more, because there's one last symptom that hasn't been managed.

I have a panic attack and I'm told to breathe. she has a panic attack and she gets told to take 20mg of diazepam. this is the fundamental difference between inpatient and outpatient mental health.

And now it's 2022, and she's so overmedicated but she still has depression, and anxiety, and anorexia nervosa, and so do I but shes on uppers and downers and she's still all over the place and on a night out she doubles her ADHD meds (I was so mad when she went on them. dexys might treate adhd but they also treated binge eating disorder. I will never forgive that psychiatrist for giving her eating disorder another tool to hurt her) and skips her benzos (she's fully dependent on them now. panic attacks and insomnia if she skips a dose) so that she can stay awake.

And I'm so angry, at the system, at her, though it's not her fault, that she's got all these drugs and no coping mechanisms. that when she disascociates she blames her "shitty brain" and not the cocktail of antipsychotics and benzodiazapines and antidepressants, which all have sedative effects that can be described as being in a disascociative state. I'm so angry that they failed her.

There are good people working in the system. I have been very, very lucky. But I hate what the inpatient mental health system does to people, not always, but often enough.

And I miss my friend.

[roberttchase]

Manner minded or double trouble? Both SO matty? Maybe Christie looking after him?

double trouble: [character] is sick and injured.

I will be writing the manner minded one separately :) I hope you enjoy this (somewhat more detailed than I'd originally planned) ficlet.

Send prompts to my inbox.

+ + +

If you were to ask Matt Casey if he thought he was lucky, for the most part he would answer with 'no'. Yes, he's lucky enough to have Sylvie Brett as a girlfriend, lucky to have gone to the fire academy, lucky to have been promoted to a lieutenant and then captain. But he also had an emotionally abusive father as a teenager, a murderer for a mother, his girlfriend of eight years was killed, his wife left him. For every good thing, it feels like there are three bad things in his life.

So he can't even really say it's a surprise when, while on scene helping squad rescue two victims in a car that's balancing precariously close to the frozen Chicago River, Matt loses his balance, slips from the hood of the car, and falls almost twelve feet onto the ice that then suddenly cracks underneath him, submerging him in below forty degree water. Nothing in his life is ever easy. Intense pain radiates from his chest, his body feels like it's on fire, and then nothing.

From there, the scene is absolute chaos. Sylvie and Violet are both off shift, spending the entire week in Joliet helping teach at a conference. The two paramedics that are on scene are instantly calling for backup, while both Severide and Tony frantically suit up in scuba gear for precaution. Boden's yelling orders, but the three other members of truck are all frozen, staring at the large hole in the ice, from which their Captain is currently very much not getting out of.

+ + +

"Christie, you really don't have to do this, Severi-"

"I know what Severide said, but I'd feel more comfortable if you stayed with me." Christie Casey frowns, looking at her younger brother. He's at least four shades paler than he should be, cheeks flushed and eyes dull. Stubble consumes the lower half of his face, and the firefighter looks exhausted. She can't say that she blames him, not with the hell that he's gone through the past thirty six hours.

She'd gotten the call from Stella Kidd yesterday, a kind but shaky voice telling her that Casey, Matt, had fallen into an icy river, and was at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center being treated for two broken ribs and mild hypothermia. Arriving half an hour later, she'd been taken into Matt's room, where they had him on enough pain medication he was basically incoherent. One of the doctors had explained to her that the next few hours were important for any person who'd almost drowned- inhalation of the river water had occurred, and aspiration pneumonia was a large possibility. For a naive moment, Christie was certain that Matt would be fine.

Matt's never that lucky.

It's how she finds herself now, half glaring at her brother, who's been given instructions to stay with someone for the next forty eight hours, while his body wars with itself. The red haired doctor had explained that unless the mans fever reaches over 102, or his breathing deteriorates, he's allowed to stay out of the hospital. Severide's offered to let him stay at the loft, to take next shift off and watch over his best friend, but she tells her brothers best friend no. She needs to be able to watch over her little brother, if his paramedic girlfriend can't.

She's already talked to Sylvie, had called her only an hour after getting the call herself. They'd come to the conclusion that as long as someone was there to watch Matt, she needed to finish up the week for the CFD and CEMS.

"You ready to leave? I'm bringing you back to my place. Violet's got the guest room all ready for you."

Matt blinks and then nods, shoulders curved in slightly, one arm wrapped around his side. He looks a little woozy, though that could be from the pain pills being pumped through his body. That, or the fever he's sporting. April wheels him to the front of the hospital while Christie grabs her car and pulls it up to the curb.

Half an hour later, Matt's being helped into the guest room, where, sure enough, the bed has fresh sheets and a few extra pillows have been added for the man who isn't supposed to lay flat on his back. She gets him under the covers, thankful he's cooperating, and by the time she's back with the meds in a little plastic cup, as well as a glass of water, Matt's asleep.

"Matt, hey, you have to wake up and take your medicine, then you can go back to sleep, okay?" She shakes him as gently as possible, not wanting to hurt his ribs any more than they already are. She must knock something loose though, because not a second later he starts coughing, low and harsh, and his eyes flutter open. Gasping for air, they wait for his chest to stop spasming. His arm is cradling his side and she feels terrible, wishing she could help.

"I just need you to take this medicine, then you can sleep again," she promises, holding the cup out for him. When he nods, the woman lets the small pills tumble onto his open palm, and soon he's swallowing them tiredly.

"C-Can you stay?" The words are quiet and hang in the air as she turns to leave. Pausing, Christie turns back and is struck by just how young Matt looks, laying there with fever flushed cheeks and sallow skin.

Moving slowly, the woman gets into the other side of the bed, carefully shifting to get comfortable.

"Just like old times huh?"

She knows he's referring to their childhood. Christie can't help but smirk a little at the memories.

"Are you talking about when you would come crying to me because you were afraid of the dark?" Her tone is teasing, and instinctively she lets her fingers find his hair, running them through it just like she did when they were young teens and their father had been yelling at them.

A laugh bubbles out of Matt's throat, but it quickly changes to coughing, and it takes a moment for Matt to calm down, sipping water before replying.

"I was actually talking about when I was eight and caught whatever that punk across the street had after he coughed on me. I remember I was out of school for a week, and you stayed with me as much as you could."

She remembers it well.

+ + +

Matt never gets sick, not when he was a baby, and not now. She's always been the one to come down with colds or strep throat, and Matt always manages to avoid germs. He had been sick once when he was a toddler, once, but other than that, she can't remember him ever even getting a runny nose. And then Michael Jeffries goes and coughs all over him on the bus when she's in fifth grade and he's in third, and Matt's record of not getting sick goes down the drain.

It had been on a Monday. That following Thursday afternoon, Christie's waiting for Matt to get on the bus when their bus driver tells her that her brother has apparently gone home early. The whole ride home, the eleven year old is upset, not for her brother, but at the fact she wasn't taken out early either. Why did Matt get to go home and play when she didn't? By the time she's walking into their small home, the blonde is stomping her feet and slamming the door behind her, ready to ask why her stupid brother gets such special treatment.

Instantly though, she realizes something is wrong. Mommy isn't downstairs like she normally is, but instead of being worried, the girl let sher anger build. Running up the stairs, her ponytail swaying behind her, Christie's ready to yell and throw a tantrum, but she freezes when she sees her mom sitting on Matt's small twin bed. She's holding their big blue bowl that she always gets out when Christie's stomach is sick, and Matt is throwing up, coughing and spluttering after, while she rubs his back. Cautiously, Christie walks into the doorway.

"Mommy...what wrong with Matt?"

Nancy and Matt look up, the older woman rubbing her sons back.

"Matt's just not feeling well honey, he'll be alright."

Christie frowns and looks at her brother, whose cheeks are a startling bright pink, his skin pale.

"He looks really sick..." Suddenly she's not mad at all anymore, instead she's worried, no, scared. Matt doesn't get sick. That's his superpower, just like hers is liking vegetables.

Before any more words are spoken, Matt coughs and lets out a strangled little whine. "M-Mommy..."

Christie turns her face away as Matt gets sick this time, not wanting to watch anyone throw up. Instead, she goes and busies herself with finding paper and her crayons. Sitting down on her bedroom floor, the eleven year old goes to town with making her brother a get well soon card, the only thing she knows she can do in this moment.

That night, while she and mommy eat downstairs, Christie can hear Matt crying with Daddy. The second she finishes her food and washes her plate off, the blonde runs upstairs, wanting to make sure the younger boy is okay. She stops in front of his room, but no one's there, the twin sized bed with dark green sheets is empty, even his beloved stuffed bear is gone. Walking further down the hall, she sees the two she's been looking for in her parents king sized bed.

Matt's laying against Daddy, Bear clutched in his hand, his ear against the boys lip. Daddy smiles at her and puts a finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet. Nodding, Christie tiptoes in and peers at them both, before climbing in putting a delicate hand on Matt's shoulder, hoping he'll be ok.

+ + +

Brought back to the present, Christie feels Matt's forehead and sighs. "just try and sleep okay? I'll be here if you need me, okay? I won't let anything bad happen to you Matt."

It's as if it's all he's been waiting to hear. It takes him all of two minutes to fall back asleep, head resting against his sisters shoulder. She supposes that this can be the start of all the years she'd missed taking care of him after she'd left for college. He deserves it.

[popi-the-fatui]

The Night Demon

Akutagawa (BSD) x GN! Reader

Warnings: past injuries, blood, a wee bit of angst. No beta we die like Oda. Akutagawa supremacy you all.

Authors Note: This is the first time I write for a show, and also the first time since highschool that I write something of this length in english (yes, it’s not my first language and it shows). Anyways, of course my first one-shot would be for the angry anemic gremlin as I love him very very much. Also, @theodora3022 you fuel my Akutagawa obssession so if this sucks I’m blaming you (jk... unless?)

The path of your recovery had not been an easy one, to no one’s surprise: taking a sucker-punch (worth the considerable sum of 1 million yen) to the head from an extravagant multi-millionaire really can take a toll on the body. Not that Akutagawa didn’t know that, given the fact that he also had faced the wrath of the Guild’s leader, but still he couldn’t help the one-hour-long reprimand he gave you once you finally woke up in a Port Mafia’s hospital bed after being out for almost a month.

Was his ​concerned angry scolding helping with your throbbing headache (that, by the way, was getting worse with every word he said)? Nope.

Would you jump in front of your boyfriend to block a glowing fist using your face just to see the adorable angry pout he made after finishing his speech all over again? Most definitely.

Now, it’s been two months since you left the hospital, and though half of your face is still purple and touch sensitive, you're in way better shape than before (not that you know how you looked like, but the face Akun made when you asked if he had any photos of your face while you were unconscious gave you the hint that it wasn’t a pretty picture and that you probably shouldn’t touch that topic again. There goes your morbid curiosity).

Of course, your boyfriend has been attached to the hip with you all through your recovery, partly because he is afraid that you’ll pull out some borderline suicidal thing like that again (Dazai-san would be proud, though), and partly because THE one time he left you alone to go on a mission he came back to your body collapsed on the floor. Apparently bending down to pick the remote is considered “sudden movement” when you have been punched in the face.

But you’re not complaining: Akun’s company is always quality company, and though he has a ​bizarre unique way of showing how much he cares and longs for you (Exhibit A: all of the pictures he has of you in his phone are actually group pictures he has cropped out so they only have you in them (except for that one picture you have with Dazai, but we don’t talk about that)), you know that this man ADORES you and would go to the ends of earth for you, even if that means sacrificing that magnificent and sublime time of the day when he gets to dote on you after dealing with whatever task the Port Mafia asked him to do, a.k.a. bedtime. Why? Because with you sleeping face up and passed out in painkillers, cuddles and pillow talk are the equivalent of hugging a dead amoeba, and though Ryunosuke Akutagawa is awkward, he is not THAT awkward.

But that night you hadn’t taken your painkillers, given the fact that you’d had a doctor’s check-up earlier that day, and you have been cleared from the meds to see how well you were doing without those happy little pills. And though the pain was tolerable, it was still there, so you went to sleep earlier than your usual hour (also, Akun was on a mission and the remote had fallen to the floor and you really didn’t want to scare him again but there was also a limit to how many murder documentaries you could watch without having the power to change the channel).

You woke up later in the early hours of the night to the feeling of pure dread that you have when you know someone is watching you.

Of course, you didn’t open your eyes: you didn’t want to face whatever entity you know was looming over your supposedly sleeping body. Or at least you tried not to open them until you felt a long, cold finger reaching the underside of your... nose?

You slowly opened your eyes, afraid that if you made any sudden movements you would disturb the eerie calm that surrounded the mannerisms of the creature (?), and once your pupils finally got used to the gloom of the room, you had to suppress your laugh, because right above you, supported by Rashoumon and holding a finger under your nose, was none other than your boyfriend.

“Akun?” you whispered.

“Yes, dove?” he said back just as low, still not breaking his composure.

“What, and I cannot stretch this enough, in the everloving hell are you doing?”

“I’m checking your vitals”

“Oh, cool. Wait, what?” you asked dumbfounded, finally breaking whatever trance you both were in.

“I was making sure you were still breathing, dove” Akun said as it was the most obvious thing in the world to check if your significant other was not dead in their sleep. And they say romance is dead.

“...”

“...”

“Akun?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Why were you making sure I was still breathing?”

He didn’t give you an answer. Instead, you could see his face darken (thank you, moonlight) while he turned his face to the side with a pout.

“Akun, look at me, please”

With a sigh, he turned his face to you, and the worry in his eyes broke your heart a little. “Does this have anything to do with my accident?” you asked him, voice laced with a sweetness fueled by his concern, because even though he will never say it outloud, you knew that not that deep inside he blamed himself for what had happened to you. “Love, you know that what happened was 100% my decision, right? And I would do it again and again and again if it means you leave the fight safe and sound”.

“But I can take it! I’ve had way worse! And I know that you’re not weak, please don’t take me wrong, but I know pain, I’ve been through that before! For God’s sake, my job is literally being the Port Mafia’s dog!” Akutagawa was getting agitated by the minute. “And I was the one who had to see and HEAR your face break. I was the one who had to carry your limp body out of the fight. I was the one who had to see your face covered in your own blood. I was the one who had to hear the doctors talk about how you were unresponsive to their tests” Akutagawa was not holding back now, and you were able to see the track his tears were leaving in his pale cheeks. “And I was the one who had to see your face so beaten up that, even though the doctors had already finished their jobs, it was unrecognizable” he ended with a choked sob and that’s when it hit you: why he wouldn’t show you any pictures of the time you were in the hospital, or why he had accidentally unleashed Rashoumon when he found you passed out in the floor, or why he had taken only a few missions ever since you left the hospital.

You were his favourite person, he had almost lost you and what’s even worse, he had to watch.

“Akun, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry” you managed to choke out through your sobs, tears of your own falling through your face. But he knew what you meant:

Sorry for worrying you like that. Sorry for scaring you. Sorry for almost leaving you alone.

“Promise me you’ll never pull something like that again. I can’t afford to lose you, dove. You don’t get to make me fall in love with you and then disappearing from my life just like that”

And if those words didn’t get to you, then his eyes sure did: even through the tears, you could see the desperation and fear in them that would get loose if something bad should happen to you, the person he loves the most. Your heart broke a little bit more.

“I promise” you could see how Akutagawa’s body relaxed at your statement. “But if there’s no stopping you from taking the blows for me, then you at least have to let me take care of you, and you also need to start taking better care of yourself, Akun. Don’t you think you have suffered enough, my love?” You added tenderly, using both hands to wipe out the remnants of his tears carefully.

“You know I can’t promise you that, and I can take it. I can be strong for both of us”

“Then at least try, for me. And are you calling me weak?” you teased, as the mood was much lighter than before after your promise.

“No, and I’ll think about it” You had to give it to the guy: he must really love you if he was willing to compromise with you over this.

“Why is it that I have to promise you something but you have to think about it?”

“I’m your superior”

“Are we not going to address the fact that you still have your finger in my nose even though the way I’m arguing with you right now should be enough proof that not only I’m breathing but alive?”

“...”

“...”

“Ok, I’ll try”

BONUS 1:

“Akun?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Why check up on me now? The accident was 3 months ago... Did something happen that made you worry?”

“...”

“This isn’t the first time you check on me while I’m sleeping”

“This isn’t the first time I check on you while you’re sleeping”

“You really need to work on your love language, my dear”

BONUS 2:

“Akun?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Did you know that at first I thought you were my sleep paralysis demon?”

“What?”

“What?”

“Shut up and go to sleep” he scolded you, hugging your arm so he would not accidentally hurt your face. Not the best cuddle replacement but at least it didn’t feel like a dead amoeba anymore.

[fieryhonesty]

The life of You

[AO3]

 “I’m sorry! My brain was everywhere this week I should have update this earlier! But certain Adeptus took all of my attention...”

Words: 3525

Not sure how long has passed but when you woke up you could feel a ticklish feeling on cheeks. Kaeya's head was hung down, snuggled close to you. His uncovered eye was closed shut, breathes were even and his arms were firmly wrapped around your waist. How can he sleep like this?

Before you could stop your hand it hesitantly reached towards the male's face. Gently brushing against his skin with your fingertips. It surprised you when he snuggled against your hand. Thinking he was asleep, how naive you are? This man is a light sleeper and good actor at once. He was probably awake even before your hand mindlessly shot up to his cheeks.

"I could get used to being woken up like this.~" Whispering while still having closed eye.

"How comes you are all flirty even after just waking up..." Remarking and retreating your hand. Hearing a disappointed sigh coming out of the male's lips

The rain has stopped, freeing yourself out of Kaeya's arms. Feeling how your clothes are still uncomfortably wet. Not as before but it was far from dry. He helped you to pack up things and then you headed back to the city. You two joked about how it would be funny if you would actually end up sick. You had proudly announced it’s impossible for you to get sick. It’s been a while after all. 

Well how it always goes. When one's boasting about something too much, it gets back to them. And of course you got sick. Feeling horribly and unable to get out of bed. You quickly ran out of stocked food and since your cooking skills are miserable... Well even if you could cook there's no way you would be able to stand up and make something.

Maybe it's time to bother neighbors if they could fetch you some food but even that seemed like too much work. Laying on the sofa, listening to your protesting belly. Perhaps if you fall asleep it will stop making noises. 

As much as sleeping with an empty stomach proved to be difficult. You managed to fall asleep, only to be woken up by knocking at the door. 'Archons, I can't- no I don't want to move...'

The knocking didn't stop and instead got more loud. It must be really urgent. Forcing yourself to get up, slowly reaching the front door. Using walls as support. Not even bothering to look through the peephole and open the door.

It took you several seconds to realize who you were looking at. Normally you would give him a smile but in your current state all you could manage was a silent groan. Expecting some earful remark but instead the scarlet haired man pushed the door open and slid inside. 

Noticing he carried bags, you could smell something yummy. Eyes going up to meet up with his crimson ones. What's that look of his? Is it worry? Considering how Diluc usually behaves, you would have expected he would be angry at you. Clearly remembering that one day when it was colder and he met you wearing just light clothes. He gave you a long lecture and made you go home to fetch something more warm. 

"H-Hey... what's with that look?" You coughed, nearly losing balance. Feeling a pair of firm hands supporting you. "M-My hero..." Murmuring before leaning against the tall man. You had long forgotten how it does feel to be sick. 

You had no strength to protest or say anything when he moved your hands around his neck, securing his grip on your thighs and carried you. If you were not so busy with feeling 'I'm dying' you would have probably paid more attention to butterflies in your stomach. This way you just blamed it on hunger than anything else. 

Diluc laid you back on the sofa, as gently as he could. If he was not sick worried about your well being he would probably scold you on the spot. When he heard from your landlord you fell ill he was not so worried at first. But giving it a second thought. He decided to pay a visit, now being glad he did so. Even more glad for being mindful and fetching some food and meds.

Something was telling him it will come handy. Little did he know his friend is irresponsible enough to not have any kinds of meds at home at all.

Not even painkillers?! One thing was sure, he will have to have a word with you later. For now he will just try to get you to feel better. Moving a spoon with syrup towards your mouth, ‘say: aah'. It felt like taking care of a kid more than an adult. 

He didn’t need to check your forehead to know about the fever. Giving you a cold cloth over it. Hearing your little whine about it being too cold. When he was about to turn away your hand gripped on his coat.

"Diluc... I'm hungry..." 

"Just wait a bit." He said, gently releasing from the grip. 

Moving to the kitchen, looking around a bit and searching for needed stuff. Being aware of how you can barely cook, burning even the easiest things. He put his coat away, rolling up sleeves and getting rid of his gloves. 

First he chopped veggies then sliced meat into tiny pieces. Being mindful you might have a sore throat and not being able to gulp too well. It's been a while since he cooked, however that meant nothing as he was quickly creating yummy magic in the pot. Stirring it every now and then.

The kitchen was quickly filled with the pleasant smell of chicken soup. Meanwhile he was waiting for it to be done. He made a lot of tea and some small snack. He planned to drop by later again to check on you and probably bring more food. By looking at you, he knew you would be laying down for a couple of days.

By the time when the soup was done he already made you drink a cup of tea and eat a part of an orange and banana. Your eyes were sparkling when he brought two bowls and placed one right in front of you on the coffee table. He was glad to see you have appetite, that's a good thing.

Giving it a try, despite your taste buds being sleepy. You could feel the intense chicken flavor complimented with a gentle and sweet carrot aftertaste. Eating was probably the most happiest moment of the whole day. It was good, and made you feel warm and full. 

When you were done with the bowl, pleading eyes looking at the chef who was just half way through his own portion. He noticed your gaze, looking at the bowl. You didn't need to say it out loud for him to get the message. 

As you were going through your second bowl he noticed your face is getting more color into it. Feeling a bit relieved but keeping his stoic expression. For some reason he was doubting his cooking abilities. He knew you wouldn’t say anything as you were hungry and all but still. That little uneasiness was there, trying to get under his skin.

Once you were done with food, having a happy and full belly. Leaning back on the sofa, feeling a bit better. Not sure if it's because of the meds he gave you or because of the food. Probably both. You let out a satisfied sigh.

"You are truly my hero, Diluc." Whispering as you patted your belly. "I didn't know you could cook."

"What's wrong about it? I might have maids but I can cook just fine, only if I had more time for it." He retorted before disappearing into the kitchen and bringing a small platter with cut fruits and more tea.

You were touched. Was he doing all of this just for you? Really?! You didn't know how much he could be caring. Yes he always seemed to be concerned whenever you showed up with some scratch or something. But this was a whole different level of caring. 

Your heart skipped a beat when he reached to your forehead. 

"You are still burning."

"Uh, huh?" 

Not sure if you were burning because of being sick or because of his sudden touch. Averting your eyes and laying down. Feeling a bit confused why your body was reacting the way it was.

"Here." Giving you fresh cloth over your forehead. 

"T-Thanks..."

Diluc hummed in response before retreating to the kitchen to fetch his clothing. He still has to take care of a few things. Before he left you called out to him.

"I will drop by later on in case you are worried I'd let you starve." Clarifying as he was adjusting his gloves.

"That's not it... I wanted to say thank you. I appreciate what you did, really." 

He did not think of it that much. For him it was just a simple worry about somebody who's close to him. He'd be rather if you could spend your sickness at his manor as there is always somebody who could check on you. However in your state it’s better to stay where you are.

"Oh, Diluc! I guess you could take my spare keys... in case I faint so you can find me, heh." 

It was a good sign as your humor was coming back a little. Although he would have preferred not to find you unconscious or something else. Still taking your spare keys felt a little too personal, glancing at you.

"Are you sure about it?"

"Ah, c'mon. If you were somebody else I'd reconsider it but I trust you. Besides, I was thinking of giving you spare keys before. It's not a big deal."

Letting out a sigh. He still does not feel right about it but coming to the conclusion it will be better if you just stay in bed. Also in case you will be sleeping he could just quickly leave food here and disappear again. 

"Alright then. Where are they?" 

"They are in- uh. Kitchen, first drawer. I hid them under cutlery."

Strange place where to hide spare keys but part of him was glad it had been the kitchen and not your bedroom. Not sure if he would have dared to venture in there. As much as you two know each other he has some boundaries and privacy respecting. 

After he secured the keys he took his leave. Leaving you alone. You wanted to sleep but at the same time your brain was replaying last hour. It was somehow hard to believe somebody came to rescue. He literally came here just to cook and give you meds. And did not ask for anything in return. 

This was the first time when somebody did it for you. It was a new thing to you. And the warm feeling inside, what is it? You were used to your assistant being worried, bringing some tea. But in fact you never were sick that much to end up in bed. Unable to get up or take care of yourself. It was usually just some minor cold which faded after two or three days of resting.

Diluc was dropping by for the next few days, sometimes staying for a while to exchange a few words, sometimes he just left food in the kitchen and left. It was mostly because of his schedule. 

You felt a bit bad for him for making time specially for your needs. When you tried to bring it up and tell him it's fine, that you feel much better now. He gave you a lecture about how it would be more than irresponsible to roam in streets while being ill.

Also adding remarks on how stupid idea it was to hang out with Kaeya. When he first heard what was the cause of you falling ill he wanted to go after the said man. But you grabbed his hand, convincing him it was not Kaeya's fault. Like how was he supposed to know it will be raining? Which Diluc retorted with 'You could have hid somewhere before getting wet.' 

You wanted to try and explain it more in detail but he didn’t care. Anything related to Kaeya was always making him at least annoyed. He refused to talk about him. Diluc let out a defeated sigh. He was tired to reason with you about it. Leaving it at remark "the knights are irresponsible as always, including their Captain..."

You deadpanned.

"Here we go again." 

"What. You can't deny it."

Rather not answering that and just cuddling into your fuzzy blanket. Feeling much better than before. Fevers were gone and you could move around the apartment without feeling like you will die at any second.

He got quite used to just opening the door and entering like it was something he did for years. His first uneasiness tied to intruding his friend's place was gone. Perhaps he should have stayed more cautious for a bit as one day he came in and couldn't find you.

He ran into you as you just got out of shower. Probably both of you had a heart attack, he quickly turned away and murmured an apology. You also felt guilty, you could have got dressed in the bathroom, not to walk around just in a towel. Answering him with a little apology and asking if he could wait for you in the living room.

As you felt good enough to take a shower, you didn’t expect Diluc would come at this hour! Usually he dropped by around lunch or before dinner. There was no need for him to come twice a day.

Your fridge was filled with home made dishes tweaked to you likings. You really didn't know why he cared so much, why he troubled himself to cook for you. Maybe you should take some cooking classes once you are fit again. Just for the sake of not making your friends worried in future.

Now when you were dry and in fresh clothes, feeling more like a human. You could face Diluc who was just staring at the coffee table. Coughing to get his attention, exchanging embarrassed looks. And just like that you promised to each other to not talk about it. 

Being glad it was just him who saw you. You were sure if it was somebody else he wouldn't let you be and tease about it for several days.

"So, what's new? Also fancy to have some tea or you gonna swoosh away?"

"If I were to swoosh, I wouldn't be here now. I have time. Also I brought you some fresh grapes, you need vitamins." 

Giggling at the way he repeated the swoosh. Waltzing into the kitchen and putting the kettle on the stove. Finding it funny how the stove lately was used much more and it was only because of your friend cooking on it. You rarely used it, mostly to boil water or heat up some quick made food you bought at the market. 

Checking the fridge and seeing a quite bountiful amount of grapes. When he said some you expected like one twig not three. 

"Um, Diluc? Those grapes are from your... won't you miss them?"

You shouted at him while your head was still partially stuck in the fridge, plucking a few pieces. 

"Do you really think this little will affect the wine production? Besides those wouldn't be used for wine."

You peeked into the living room mouth filled with several grapes.

"So you gave me some bad ones I see."

"No, it's not like that. You know we grow separate grapes for selling."

"I know. I'm joking, thanks by the way." Returning back to the kitchen as the water was boiling already.

A bit later you brought two cups of steaming tea and somehow managed to balance a plate with grapes on one of the cups. Diluc raised an eyebrow at you.

"You wouldn't die from going there again, you know." 

"Ah yes, the Diluc I know is back. How about you compliment my uh... waitress skills instead of being sarcastic, hmm?"

Moving the plate closer if he wants but he just shakes his head. He brought it for you after all. Observing how you were happily stuffing your face with the fruit.

"You asked about the news. Your new sword is finished."

"A new sword? Since when I- DILUC?!" You had issues not to spit in surprise. Grapes on Diluc’s face was the last thing you wanted to see.

"What? The sooner it's done the sooner you can use it to keep yourself safe."

How can he say it so casually. Like it’s nothing?! You were staring at Diluc in horror. 'Please tell me you didn't pay for it too...' You already felt bad and paying for a sword was not a joke. Weapons are expensive, especially the sturdier ones.

"S-So... how much do I owe?"

"A promise you will look after yourself." 

"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! IT'S EXPENSIVE!"

Diluc smugged at you. That damn smug was somehow fitting to him but that’s not the point. He paid for your sword?!

"Well how about this. Consider it as a gift. I still didn't give you anything to welcome you back despite you being here for a while now."

"But you don't have to give me anything! You already did enough with letting me sleep under your roof for a while and now you have been nursing me." 

You couldn't resist the urge to massage your temples. "You better forget about my birthday and Christmas existence, you hear me."

Why was everyone giving you welcome back gifts?! The mugs you drink tea from are from Lisa. The bathrobe which was currently in the laundry basket was from Jean. Then there's Kaeya and his sleepover. Well the Darknight Hero was topping all of these in terms of price. 

You were pondering over if this was his way to flex over a certain cryo user. Rather not asking him that out loud and changing topic.

"How's business? Last time you said you were rushing to a meeting or something like that."

"Not really meeting. Somebody was hosting a celebration and wanted a few barrels." 

"Barrels..." You repeat mindlessly while Diluc drinks from his mug. 

Your eyes lingered at his face for too long. He is really handsome, no wonder the girl from florists has hearts in her eyes whenever he passes by. His face is perfectly decorated with the loose hair which couldn't fit into his pony tail as they were too short. 

"Why don't you tie up your hair higher more often?"

It escaped your lips before you could stop yourself. Realizing what you had said out loud. Inner panic was taking over you. Just why did you say that?! If you could you would jump behind the sofa and hide away from his surprised gaze. This feeling is mortifying.  

"You think I should?" He asked with tilted head to the side.

"Um, forget about it. It was just a slip of tongue. Uh.. Any other news?"

You have to quickly change the subject. Diluc's gaze was killing you, you could swear your cheeks were slowly turning into the same color as his hair. In panic you pulled the blanket next to you over yourself. Diluc was just winking as he was confused with what his friend was doing. Clearing his throat.

"There's nothing much new. Well other than Aether will leave in a few days."

Peeking out of your cover. "Huh? Where to?"

"Liyue. There will be soon a rite of descension am I right?" 

You hummed in response. 

"I wonder. Where could his sister be? Also do you think once he finds her he will visit us before leaving to their world?" More than a question it was a slight worry. You weren’t sure about the boy’s plans, nor wanted to feel him like he is obliged to do something. He came here to search for his sister anyway.

Diluc sips from his cup again. "Probably."

"Mhhh, I suppose I could tag along. I'm sure he'd welcome a guide." Pondering over it for a while until you noticed Diluc’s gaze.

"What? I'm feeling fine. Thanks to your care. Besides, I have a feeling Mrs. Yue would like me to attend. Last year was so hectic and previous ones I was too busy. I mean... I'm a little eager to see it. So far I have only seen it once and it was just part way..."

Diluc couldn't say anything about it as he knew about the policy between you and the assistant. From what he heard people in Liyue tend to follow traditions and you look well. Probably you will be ready for the travel. 

"I see. I guess I should give you back the keys."

"Keep them- in case of emergency. Or~ in case I adopt some adorable street cat and I will need you to feed it in my absence."

Grunting in disapproval. As if he didn't have enough keys already…

Previous ✨ Next 

[echotrinityme]

Regretful Chapter 4: Crushes and A Good Time

Rupert was still holding Henry while he carried him back to his tents, other soldiers saw them with confused looks but Rupert glared at them making them turned their attention somewhere else. Henry didn't look at anyone and still kept hiding his head into Rupert's neck.

Rupert got to his tent and went inside, he sat down on his bed and he checked on Henry. He still wouldn't look at him, in fact, he hadn't said a word since his breakdown. Henry's right hand was still bleeding and Rupert got the med kit next to him to fix his wounded hand.

After he was done dressing up Henry's right hand with bandages, he lift up Henry's chin and he noticed his eyes red and glossy from his sobbing earlier.

"What's wrong, Henry?" asked Rupert, gently and softly.

Henry didn't spoke but he got out his earpiece and placed into Rupert's ear, Rupert was confused and about to say something until Henry played a transmission. His eyes widened when he heard Charles' voice and he felt Henry trembled a bit.

Charles was saying to Henry that he's ok and he will find another pod, but the sound of his tone made Rupert realized that Charles knew he was not gonna make it. He also said one of his favorite quotes, "This has to be the grea-" until it cut off. Rupert was breathing heavily and he hugged Henry tighter.

"That's what happened..." spoke Henry, his voice cracking.

"Who send it?"

"I don't know. I just got it when I went back to my apartment."

Henry was staring to cry again but Rupert shushed him. "Hey don't cry. I'm here." he reassured him softly.  

"But it hurts so much and it's my fault he died."

Rupert got angry at that statement and he stared at Henry who was trembling and wanted to cry, he buried his face into Rupert's chest once again but Rupert is not having it.

"Listen, Henry." said Rupert, firmly. "It's not your fault that Charles is dead, it's the Toppats' fault."

Henry lifted up his head and glanced at Rupert, he had tears streaming down on his cheeks. He wanted to argue but sighed sadly, he wiped his tears and got up from Rupert's lap. Rupert wanted to protest cause he liked having him on his lap which he gave himself a mental slap in the face.

"Then why do I feel that way." questioned Henry, angrily. His eyes stung from the excessive crying and his head pounded.

Rupert stood up and he faced Henry, he went up to him and brushed his tears away with his thumb.

"Have your therapist told you about Survivor's Guilt?" questioned Rupert.

"Yes." replied Henry.

"I know it feels like it's your fault but it's not. You felt powerless to help Charles and wanted to make sure he was okay, he stopped a Toppat from getting to you. You guys stopped the Toppat Orbital station and his sacrifice was not in vain."

Rupert explained all those stuff to Henry, sincerely. Rupert was right when it's not Henry's fault that Charles is dead, he sacrificed himself to protect him and stopped the Toppat clan. Henry bowed his head down and rubbed his arm with his uninjured hand awkwardly.

"I guess you're right." said Henry. "I'm so sorry for my breakdown in the training room."

"I have never seen anyone destroyed those dummies like that before." chuckled Rupert, slightly but turned his tone serious. "But you could have hurt yourself."

"I know...I was so angry." said Henry, sadly. He was staring at his bandage hand and glanced up at Rupert.

"Yeah...it was my idea. I made Calvin shot your hand to drop your gun." admitted Rupert, sheepishly. "We were afraid that you were gonna hurt yourself."

"I would have but I'm glad someone stopped before I could."

"Are ya okay?"

"Yeah...just in pain, both emotionally and physically."

"I can't blame ya."

They both laughed but it didn't reach their eyes, they stopped and awkwardly stood there. Henry sighed and he started to head out the tent but a hand grabbed his arm, he was pulled against Rupert's chest.

They both immediately turned red and Rupert asked himself why he did that. Henry on the other hand, felt a warm feeling in his chest. Their hearts were beating rabidly as if they both ran a mile, time stopped for them and before Rupert can apologized to Henry, Victoria came in.

She saw them and raised an eyebrow but dropped it when Henry pulled away from Rupert, she also took note of the sad look that Rupert had on his face.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked, her lips twitching. She was trying not to laugh at them but failing.

"Uh...no? No!" replied Rupert, anxiously. He turned to Henry, who was nervous and wasn't looking at him.

"Uh huh...The General wants you and Henry in his tent."

"Ok, we'll be right there."

She went to wait outside, leaving the boys alone once again. They both glanced at each other and quickly turned away from each other, they headed outside and followed Victoria to the General's tent. They all went inside the tent and the General looked displeased.

Henry explained what caused his breakdown earlier, he brought his earpiece and played back the transmission. Galeforce and Victoria were sad about the whole transmission and it looked like Galeforce wanted to cry, they now understand why Henry reacted like that.

Galeforce warned Henry not to do it again and send him off his way, Henry waved goodbye to everyone. Rupert wanted to talk to him some but left quickly, he sighed as he left the tent soon after. Victoria followed him and she stood next to him and she smirked at him, Rupert stared at her quizzically.

"What?" he asked.

"So...what's up with you and Henry?" questioned Victoria, slyly.

"I have no idea, what yer talking about." replied Rupert, feeling a pit of dread in his stomach.

"Don't play dumb, I know you're hiding something."

"I am not!"

"Then why are you acting defensive about it?"

Rupert froze at that question, why is he acting defensive? He pulled his hat down to cover his face, he felt hot and wanted to die. Victoria saw he was acting strangely and his face was scarlet, she got an idea in her head.

"Do you have a crush on Henry?" asked Victoria.

Rupert turned even redder and he clutched his fists tightly.

"None of yer business!" he exclaimed. He went back to his tent in huff while ignoring Victoria laughing her head off.

A week went by after that incident and Henry seems to be doing good, he's been hanging out with Rupert and he's also starting hanging out with the Bukowski twins. He still get nightmares and his right hand still hurts but healing, he still sees the therapist about his trauma. However, Henry was feeling...weird for Rupert.

It's not a bad weird...just weird, it's like he likes to spend time with Rupert. Does Henry has a crush on Rupert? Rupert has been there for him since Charles' death, he's been helpful and listening to him about his problems. Henry also felt warmth when Rupert comforts him, spending some nights with him, making jokes with him, and sometimes helping him with sparring.

Henry's POV  

I hummed as I walked to meet with Rupert and the others, for some reason I felt happy to spend time with Rupert. I haven't felt happiness since Charles' death, ever since his death, I had felt nothing but depression.

I also felt anger...but not anymore, I think.

I thought I was doing fine before until I snapped when I heard the last thing Charles had said to me...I had never felt so much rage and pain before and it scared me.

if it weren't for Rupert, I would still be miserable. He has been so kind to me lately which I was glad and kinda confused. There was this one time he spend the night with me and we were watching a movie.

It was some random movie, it's not important. He was eating popcorn and I was trying to stay awake but I dozed off, I heard the TV turned off and some shuffling. He was laying down and me on top of him, we fell asleep on the couch.

I never felt so much safe before...do I have a crush on Rupert?

No One's POV

Henry arrived at the meeting spot where Rupert, Calvin, Konrad, and Victoria were already there. They were all gathered around a campfire, it was a perfect night to hang out. Rupert saw him and waved at him, Henry smiled and walked over to him. Rupert patted the empty seat on the long he's sitting and Henry sat next to him.

The rest of the night, they all spend talking and laughing. Rupert and Henry gotten closer, practically being squished together. They didn't noticed but the others did, it was starting cold and everyone was wearing jackets but Henry.

Henry was shivering and Rupert took of his jacket to put it around him making him blush, Henry leaned to him and sighed contently. Rupert's face was warm and wrapped an arm around him.

It was a good night for Henry and Rupert.

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

Being Human - Chapter 19

<= Chapter 18

Summary : The group goes back to Subcon... And discovers a terrible sight. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826561/chapters/71797488

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HELLO GUYS, NEW CHAPTER, WOOHOOOO

I'm so so so sorry for the delay. I've had quite the writer block, and uh my mental health wasn't so great either (it still isn't but my meds are working better)... Now I'm feeling better, and I finally managed to finish that chapter I've been stuck on for a while. I hope you'll like it !

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments, they bring such joy to me, you have no idea. Thank you so much. I know I take some time replying to them, but I do read them as soon as I receive them. They really mean a lot to me.

Anyway... Happy reading, I hope you'll like this chapter ! I tried putting more descriptions, hopefully this improved my writing style !

The “Oh The Humanity” AU belongs to @doodledrawsthings​​ !

Happy reading !

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Chapter 19 - “Send me back there!”  

Snatcher didn’t want to believe it. It was the materialization of his nightmares, of all he had started to fear the very instant he was back in his old body- This couldn’t be happening, no, not this way!

And yet, here it was, right in front of his eyes. The moment he saw that white stain slowly progressing through his territory, his heart had stopped beating, the air got stuck in his throat… And it was like a bucket of icy water had been thrown on his now trembling shoulders. He was not ready for any of this to happen.

This was the worst-case scenario.

Suddenly, memories of what had become of Subcon after he managed to flee the manor came back to him, blinding him from how intense they were. Visions of frozen corpses, dwellers stuck into ice forever and killed for a second time, all souls drained away from a village that was once so full of life, a wave of cold and death transforming Subcon Village and Subcon Forest into forgotten places, devastated places.

And now, his minions and other dwellers were in danger again, at the mercy of what was left of a crazy Queen- one he hadn’t had the courage to kill when he could have done so. Fear had always paralyzed him, the thought of facing Her again, after all these years, after everything that had happened, after everything he had been forced to go through… He couldn’t, he just couldn’t imagine that!

But despite this… Snatcher still had a kingdom to save- his kingdom and all of its undead inhabitants. And so, without hesitation but still with a deadly pale face, the man turned to the little girls, an expression of panic clearly visible on his features:

-“Send me back there!” he yelled at them, urging them to help him to save Subcon. Without thinking much either, the kids nodded with determination and dashed into different directions, most likely to bring weapons and such with them. The bow-wearing child ran to the machine room while the hatted brat ran to her bedroom. The young man glanced back at Moonjumper next to him, whose eyes were still fixed on the white stains representative of Vanessa’s intrusion in Subcon.

-“Hey!” he called out to his counterpart -this wasn’t the time to be stuck in thoughts!-, quickly catching the other’s attention. Soon, two very panicked eyes settled on him, and Snatcher couldn’t really blame him.

He was rather terrified, himself.

-“Can you fight?” he asked the one who had stolen his corpse, despite already knowing the answer. He had witnessed the corpse’s powers and how devastating they could be- Moonjumper had even destroyed some part of his forest at some point! But still… He had to make sure. Against a strong and unpredictable opponent such as Vanessa, they couldn’t allow themselves to take any risks… And anyone ready to fight her was more than welcome.

Unsurprisingly, the corpse paled even more than what he already was, his eyes widening in terror and his mouth gaping as he struggled to find an answer. But then again… The young man was scared to death too. Ha.

Not the time for puns.

-“I…” Moonjumper gulped down saliva he didn’t even need, looking away : “Yes,” he answered, his tone trembling and hesitant : “Yes, I… I can.”

-“Will you?” wondered Snatcher with a lower tone, directly addressing how scared the corpse seemed to be at the idea of facing Vanessa. He… Was giving him a choice, sort of. He knew the time was not for choices, but… He knew what it was like to be pushed into fighting when one wasn’t ready for it. It was exactly what his counterpart had done when it came to relearning how to summon his fire.

And Snatcher didn’t want to do that himself.

Moonjumper seemed to catch this and guilt crossed his features, frowning as he looked away once more. Eventually, not saying another word… Moonjumper nodded. Fear was still very much visible on his face and from his body language… But he seemed more determined than before, as if Snatcher’s questions had made him realize something.

-“This is my home too,” said the other, gravely: “I’ll do what it takes to protect it. You can count on me.”

The young man nodded, a wave of relief hitting him. The thought of facing Vanessa was not an easy one… But knowing he wouldn’t be alone made the whole thing less… Unbearable, somehow. At least, they had more chances than if he had gone there alone.

Just as he finished this train of thoughts, the little girls came back running, both carrying things with them. The hatted brat was the first one to reach them, holding her own blue umbrella and the other’s pink umbrella… As well as a baseball bat, which she handed to him.

-“You’ll need this,” she told him. He was about to refuse… But he interrupted himself: she was right. His powers were too weak to be used in a fight. Sure, he could summon little flames, but this was hardly anything compared to the Queen’s blizzard. No, if they wanted to have a chance to fight her… They’d have to use their brains and physical weapons. While magic wasn’t completely out of the line thanks to Moonjumper… He knew what Vanessa was capable of, and didn’t want to take any risks. And so… He took the baseball bat, holding it in front of him. It was… Rather heavy, but in a way… That only reminded him of his old sword training. Sure, it had been quite a long time since then, but… Perhaps it would be similar.

At the same moment, the bow-wearing kid stopped to them, holding in her arms… The Time Piece? What did she want to do with it ?

The little girl seemed to catch the question in his expression and lifted the powerful hourglass as she spoke:

-“We didn’t have the time to modify it,” she explained, her expression serious: “but it might be useful to us if we ever get in trouble. Hat and I will use it in that case.”

Snatcher nodded and once more asked the brats to teleport them down there. And, in the click of a button… It was done. Of course, the previous Prince felt terrible from the teleportation, his stomach threatening to make him throw up… But he didn’t have the time to worry about that. When he was finally able to look around him, what he saw turned his blood to ice.

The group had appeared in the swamp area… But it barely looked like it anymore. The swamp had been completely frozen, hands coming out of the surface, turned into immobile ice statues. The trees had lost all of their purple hues, looking white from the snow and ice that had now covered everything. It was hard to tell the difference between the ground and the frozen swamp, but for the members of the group, this wasn’t impossible. They knew the forest quite well, after all, especially Snatcher. Still, the sight that was in front of them was terrifying. It was snowing, a lot of flakes falling and making it hard to see what was far away. Furthermore, it was cold, very cold… And the three humans couldn’t help but shiver from how low the temperature was.

But it wasn’t like they had had the time to prepare for such a situation.

-“Where are the subconites? What about the dwellers?” asked the bow-wearing kid, horrified by what she was seeing. Snatcher couldn’t blame her: he was, too.

-“Hiding, or…” Or frozen to death. Again. He didn’t finish his sentence, and no one insisted. The rest was just painfully obvious.

The man tightened his grip on the baseball bat. His old self would have never even thought of hurting Vanessa in any way, especially physical- but things had changed. A kingdom had been lost. People had been killed. Children had been murdered.

Things were much, much more different now.

-“Let’s go,” he murmured darkly, his voice barely audible through the wind and snow… But it seemed enough, and the group started to walk, careful of where they put their feet. Who knew what could be hiding below the snow…

-“Should we split ?” asked the hatted brat, glancing at her contractual BFF: “We don’t know where she is, or what she’s planning to do…”

The former spirit wanted to tell her this was a bad idea, considering the strengths and powers of their enemy… But he couldn’t find any good alternative. He knew she was right, the Forest was big enough for her to be anywhere. It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack… Considering their lack of time, they needed to be quick to find her and neutralize her, in whatever way they could, temporarily… Or permanently.

-“Fine,” he agreed reluctantly: “We’ll have more chances on finding her that way.”

-“Are you sure?” asked Moonjumper, visibly against that idea: “We know what she’s capable of. If we split up, we need a way to alert the other group if something goes wrong.”

The corpse had a point, and the group thought for a moment. But soon enough, the face of the bow-wearing child lightened up, as if she just had a revelation. She lifted her umbrella as she opened her mouth, decided to explain her idea:

-“What if we used our projectile badges?” she offered, pulling a badge out of the pocket of her jacket, before replacing one of those already in place on her weapon: “If something happens, we can give the other group a signal. That way, we’ll know if one group found her, or needs help.”

The entire team nodded, and Snatcher was rather surprised: this… Was a very good idea, actually. But…

-“So that means you won’t be together, then,” pointed out Moonjumper before he was able to, gesturing at the two: “That… Reassures me, in a way,” he admitted, looking away: “I don’t like the idea of you two going out alone and risking to fight her. She’s stronger than she looks.”

It was easy to see that his contractual friend wasn’t happy with his words, but she held her tongue. She was probably remembering their trip to the manor, and how scared they had been. Here again, he couldn’t blame them. Vanessa was terrifying after all.

-“Yeah,” she eventually sighed, though it was easy to say she was trying her best not to show arrogance or imprudence. The situation was too serious for that. However, she thought for a moment, before glancing back to the previous Prince:

-“Bow should go with you,” she suddenly told him, lost in thoughts.

-“Why?” he retorted, a bit lost. To be completely honest, he had expected her to go with him, considering there had always been some kind of rival complicity between them. So, it was safe to say he was a little surprised by her suggestion.

-“Bow has the Time Piece with her,” she replied, gesturing to her friend, who soon elaborated on that point:

-“It’s the best defense we have,” she explained, lifting the Hourglass as she spoke: “If something happens to one of us, I can rewind time and change the course of events.”

Snatcher had no problem figuring out what the two children had really meant, and he narrowed his eyes in response. Now that he was a human, unable to use his magic except for summoning a small flame, he was pretty much harmless against Vanessa, even with a baseball bat. This was their nice way of saying “you can’t fight so this will help you to stay alive”, and this honestly infuriated him. He was not useless, he was not weak!

… But as much as he wanted to argue, Subcon was still very much in danger, and they already lost so much time deciding of their plan. There was no time for bickering when half of the Forest had already been frozen, from what they had been able to see so far. Maybe more, now.

-“Okay, fine,” he grunted, before gesturing to where his home was. There was a possibility Vanessa was looking for him there, so this would most likely be the first strategic place to invest : “We’ll check my tree first, then the Subcon ruins. As for you, check the Subcon Well and the village. If you see anyone, tell them to hide until we get rid of that… Infestation,” he spat.

-“Very well,” answered Moonjumper, nodding with determination. The hatted brat imitated him, and wished them luck. The duo then got to work, leaving them to go search for any clue leading them to Vanessa. It was hard to find her in all this snow, in this blizzard… And it was so cold, it was hard to focus.

The bow-wearing kid was the one to pull him out of his thoughts, patting him on the side. The contact immediately brought him back to reality.

-“Let’s go,” she offered, decided to find their enemy despite the unnatural icy cold of the Forest. Snatcher merely nodded in response and the two of them left to explore the places they had in mind. It was, however… Much harder than they had first thought, and especially what Snatcher had had in mind. First, he had had to come to the fact that a large part of his kingdom had been affected by now. The snow was deep, showing it had been snowing a lot for a while now. The places were desert. His home had been entirely covered in snow, the furniture barely noticeable under the thick layer of flakes. No matter how much they looked around them, they couldn’t discern any suspicious silhouette in their surroundings, and they couldn’t hear anything either. All they could perceive was the sound of their own footsteps in the snow, which was crackling under their shoes. Snatcher’s feet were wet, his sneakers not adapted to this type of weather at all. The little girl accompanying him seemed to be fine in that regard, though she was holding the Time Piece against her, probably because she was cold. Well, he was too.

-“You seeing anything?” he asked her, narrowing his eyes as he tried to see what was in front of them, the falling snow making it hard to detect anything at all.

-“No,” she admitted, her teeth chattering as she held the magical Hourglass closer: “I don’t think we’ll find her here.”

The former ghost frowned, but nodded nonetheless. He had been so sure they would find her there… After all, if she wanted to find him, wouldn’t it make sense to check his home first ? Then again, the place was already covered in snow which, when he thought about it… Showed that she had already been there before. And now, there was no sign of the Ice Queen there. Plus… Did she really know who he became after his death? Why his corpse had disappeared from the cellar? Did she put two and two and figured out the other ghost haunting the forest was the Prince she had murdered? She was so unstable… It was hard to figure out what she was thinking.

The new team moved in direction of the Subcon ruins. Just like his home, the landscape had been more than affected by Vanessa’s passage. The buildings were all covered in snow, now deeper than ever. Maybe she had been there before, but it wasn’t the case anymore. The place was deserted. Sure, Subcon Forest had become quite the deserted place after Vanessa’s outburst, but this was a whole new level. There weren’t any spiders, any subconites, any dwellers… Any lifeform, whether alive or undead, had left this place.

They were the only ones near the Ruins, he was sure of it. A sneeze forced his mind back to reality, his body contorting as he expulsed the air out of his lungs. Ugh… It was getting very, very cold, and Snatcher couldn’t feel his feet or his fingers anymore. His body hurt, like a burn, but in a whole, new different way.

Something that only reminded him of terrible memories.

He glanced to the kid next to him, who had stepped away to search around the Ruins. Her face was getting… A bit blue, and she was definitely trembling. Now Snatcher was not an expert in human health or their abilities in surviving in extreme conditions, but he had seen enough as a ghost to know it was bad. And as a human… Well, he had had the opportunity to find out through real experiences.

-“Kiddo ?” he called out to her, only to find out his voice was rasp from the cold. His throat hurt, the icy air burning his throat and his lungs. They needed to find Vanessa, and quick… Otherwise, they’d turn into ice cubes before getting the chance to fight her. And, more seriously, they needed to find her while they were still able to move and fight. Otherwise… Well, being too cold to move would just make the fight even more unbalanced than it already was.

The bow-wearing child lifted her head at his call, having found nothing of interest either. She came back to him, some ice hanging from her nose. Heck, they really needed to find something, anything!

-“You okay?” he asked, without any hint of sarcasm or mockery this time. The situation was too serious for that.

-“Yeah,” she answered, probably lying: “You?” she asked back, worry clearly visible on her face.

-“I’m fine,” he lied too, though it was not really out of worry for her, but more about preserving what was left of his pride. He was not weak, he could do this, no, he had to!

-“I wonder if they found something…” added the little girl, rubbing her hands together as she looked around them, hoping to find a sign. But nothing came: “Where should we look, now?” she asked expectantly, though he could see that she was definitely tensed. Who knew how long they’d be able to stay and continue their search with such low temperatures…

Snatcher still took the time to think about her question. If he ever chose the wrong place again, then… Then they might be too cold to be able to fight, should they find her after that. They could look around the bridge, but this wouldn’t make much sense. Why would Vanessa go back ? No, she couldn’t possibly be there, and she apparently wasn’t where the other two we-

However, before he was able to finish that train of thought… A loud sound echoed around them, making the ground shake a little. Snatcher’s heart missed a bit for a second, and he looked around him, panicked. Was it Her? Was she there, ready to attack them? What else could it- His thoughts fell silent as he noticed the little girl pointing at the sky. Careful, slowly, his eyes followed her arm, then her hand, then her pointing finger… Until he noticed a large white beam illuminating the whole Forest like a new Sun, before slowly disappearing as if it had never been there in the first place.

Silence fell between the two as they had to process this terrible realization.

The hatted brat and Moonjumper had used the signal, they were in trouble, they needed help… But this wasn’t all it meant, no… Far from it.

This also meant they had found Vanessa.

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Oh boy, another cliffhanger :)c I sure wonder what's going to happen... Thank you so much for your patience and your support, it means a lot to me. "Being Human" now has more views than "Reliving An Old Nightmare", and it's really an accomplishment for me, as it means I'm getting better at writing stories. Thank you for helping me improve, really.

See you guys on the next chapter ! Stay safe everyone !

=> Chapter 20

[i-make-questionable-choices]

I’m Proud of You

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Mild angst, mild whump, allusions to depression, slight trigger warning.

Word Count: 1062

Summary: The worst of monsters will eat away at your mind.

A/N: As you can probably tell, I’m both projecting some recent emotions into this work and, am not used to writing fluff. Also, please leave a like or reblog; or both!

Silent killers were rare in your life. Monsters were not so gifted in the art of subtlety after all, especially not to the trained ear. But this monster, this one was different. It took its time, with no life of its own, it could wait forever, it would wait forever. No two books told of it the same way; some claimed it was like a parasite, feeding off its, victims and draining their energy yet keeping it alive to prolong its own life. Others told of killer, almost like a dijnn, planting falsities in its victims heads so that the victim took no notice of it while it drained them of life.

Others still claimed they were demons; possessing their host and only showing itself at the most dire of times.

No matter what way the books explained it, it did not help; neither Sam nor Dean cold get a solid idea of this monster, and, more importantly, the way to kill it.

It was evening, and Sam Winchester had been in the library for hours, not an uncommon sight in the bunker. It was more rare, however for his older brother to join him. Dean Winchester was always on the go and didn’t get the same information from books as Sam, he was more the hands on type. It came as no surprise then that Dean was returning to continue research only after having another look at the victim.

He was sullen as he entered the library, eyes darkened and pained and shoulder slumped in defeat.

Sam glanced up, face illuminated by his laptop. “How’s she doing?”

“No better, no worse.”

Sam nodded as Dean plunked down in the chair across from him, pulling his own laptop towards him.

The Men of Letters had very few books on this kind of monster, so the brothers were forced to rely on the internet.

As the minutes ticked by, Dean was starting to feel more and more hopeless. Every page he clicked was a dead end; filled with information that they knew, or techniques they had tried, or complete bullshit.

Not even Cas or Jack had been able to help you, for this was a monster neither could fight.

Dean was starting to feel like he couldn’t fight it either.

-

You didn’t say a word when he walked in. The blankets he had tucked over and around you remained as they had been when he had left. Still you stared at your hand.

“Hey sweetheart, how’re you doing?”

You were silent for a moment, then hummed.

“M’fine.”

Dean didn’t protest, he knew you weren’t, but it was pointless to argue, it would only make you feel worse. Slowly, carefully, he approached the bed. In one hand he had your meds, the other, a glass of water.

He set them down and slid a gentle hand under your head lifting it to pull the pillows upwards. He brought forth his other and gently coaxed her into a sitting position.

Once the pills were in your mouth, he brought the water to your lips, tipping it until you pulled away, swallowing.

The glass clicked against the nightstand.

Smooth hand over your head and laid a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“Good job sweetheart,” he kept his voice soft and positive, using one hand to lift you again and push the pillows back into a suitable position. “I’m gonna go take a quick shower, okay? I won’t be long” You said nothing, simply blinking your eyes shut and letting out another hum.

-

Steam fogged billowed around him, fogging up the mirrors and lights.

He had forgotten to turn the fan on.

He didn’t really care. Sam had always berated him for that, saying that the moisture would ruin the paint and walls.

It seemed almost laughable that he would notice it now, but as your condition got worse and worse, it seemed every little thing done improperly or that was wrong stuck out like a sore thumb. 
 As the hot water trickled down his face, he barely noticed he was crying.

-

When he returned, your eyes were shut, face relaxed. He tossed his clothes in the hamper, taking off his ‘dead-guy’ robe. Carefully, gently, he eased into bed, settling down beside you he wrapped an arm over you, reaching it under the pillow to where he hid his gun. The other wormed its way under your neck to cradle you closer.

Slightly roused, you cuddled back into his warmth and he, in return, leaned into you, both of you so desperately seeking the comfort of each other. You felt guilty that your depression was affecting him so deeply, yet he continued to assure you that he was fine.

Dean, on the other hand, was cursing himself for not noticing your symptoms sooner, regardless of whether you blamed him or not. He was supposed to take care of you.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology had Deans head shooting up as he leaned back to look at you.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, what the hell are you talking about?”

Twisting your head you found the glint of his eyes in the darkened room.

“I-I know you’re affected by me, I know it, and I’m sorry that I’m bringing you down,” you could feel tears welling up in your eyes. “You’re working so hard, and y-your not- your not taking care of yourself…”

“Sweetheart…” Deans arms wrapped tighter around you and he held you close to him for several moments.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? I’m proud of you, I’m so damn proud of you. You’re fighting so hard. You don’t have to worry about me, okay, when you feel better, I’ll feel better too, okay?”

You said nothing, taking in a breath to protest, then dismissing it, simply nodding into his chest instead.

“Good girl.”

He smoothed a hand over your hair, not in the least tased by the greasiness that coated his fingers as the two of you settled back down. The room was still as the minutes ticked away, both of you tired, yet neither one ready to sleep.

Then, softly, so softly that even in the silence Dean barely heard it, you whispered something. You didn’t turn to him, simply murmured the words, yet he cuddled you closer, pressing a kiss on your cheekbone.

“I love you too, Sweetheart.”

-

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