#i also think one of my special interests is like cringe or fandom culture in general

[linkisonfire]

my brain fighting for which special interests to like more right now is so crazyyyyyy hehe

[coyote-kiddo]

🐾 blog intro 🐾

☁️ about me ☁️

i go by Felix!! however i do not mind deer related nicknames (i.e. buck, fawn, etc.) or petnames if we're moots !

i am a trans man, and i use he/him, it/its, and xey/xem pronouns.

am an age regressor (4-7) due to anxiety, an age dreamer (2-5), and a pet dreamer (guard dog, fruit bat, cat & fox) to relax and cope with things.

i am a sfw ageredips user.

i am also alterhuman (deer therian, canine cladotherian, cathearted, shapeshifterkin).

i am autistic (self-dxed with research) & my special interest is zoology, though i tend to hyperfixate on specific animals.

i like to make moodboards, outfit boards & pick-and-choose games- i take requests, so don't be afraid to send one!!

i also like to draw art of my sona, who's basically just me as an afghan hound.

please do not dm me unless we're moots.

(i also wouldn't ask to be friends- i have severe struggles talking to people and maintaining friendships.)

please do not send me an ask/dm with just a "hi". i have no idea how to continue a conversation from that and will likely just ignore it.

🌱 request rules 🌱

🦇 fandom list 🦇

☁️ navigation ☁️

#fawn speaks ☁️: general/talking tag

#fawn babbles ☁️: posts i made while little/less serious talking posts

#fawn cries ☁️: vents

#fawn makes ☁️: moodboards/outfits/art/etc.

#fawn's ageredips ☁️: my personal dip posts

#reblogs ☁️: general rbs

#saving for later ☁️: what it says on the tin

#comfort ☁️: posts that are comforting to me (text imagines i like, stimboards etc.)

#fictional cgs ☁️: content of my fictional cgs

#photos ☁️: photos i took (usually of things like my stuffies, agere gear, etc.)

#things to do ☁️: crafts, activities, prompts and so on

#anxiety relief ☁️: for calming myself during anxiety/panic attacks

☁️ dni list ☁️

if your blog contains anything nsfw (including porn, kink, gore, and smut)

ageplayer/petplayer/cgl/abdl/variants (even if you consider yourself "sfw" or don't post about it)

pro-zoophile/pedophile

pro-para

pro-radqueer

religion- or politics-heavy blogs (nothing personal, it's just a trigger of mine)

if you consider agere/petre sexual, think it can be sexual, or if you sexualize it at all

anti-agere or anti-petre

anti-therian

exclus, hate or cringe culture

bigots

proship/comship/anti-anti/etc.

loli/shota supporters

coquette/nymphette/dollette/etc

dualcom

ageplay/cgl supporters

s!ssy/f*rcef*m blogs

pro-vna/pro-m!a/th!nspo

[valyrfia]

RE: this ask

Sorry about to go off on one, gender studies and online fan culture from an academic standpoint is a special interest of mine because being film and literature student wasn't annoying enough (participatory culture studies my beloved) 

From a general standpoint, I think the reason M/M ships in fiction have always been more popular is because male characters are historically more developed and complex. I think it’s only in recent years have their been an influx of popular F/F ships, with the added development of women on screen (e.g Clarke and Lexa, Kara and Lena, Regina and Emma, Nancy and Robin) - I think there is also a point to be made this has coincided with gender expression, genderqueerness and more general knowledge of being outside the typical gender spectrum. 

I can’t explicitly say that being in M/M fandom spaces encouraged my personal discovery of being transmasc but it certainly helped to have an avenue where I could project onto these “male” characters and see myself in them. I was so uncomfortable in my own body and what I didn’t know at the time as dysphoria, I can see why I didn’t go for F/F ships. 

There are of course a lot of “fandom elders” but young (early to late teens) afab people do make up a large bulk of it and I get why  it may be easier for them to fixate on M/M ships as a, sort of method of exploring their own sexuality and gender expression. F/F ships may hit too close to home and F/M ships are what they are trying to escape from so it leaves M/M ships to project onto. Which, unfortunately then can become warped by the persons own comphet and/or binary ideas about gender. 

A male character may have more stereotypically “feminine” traits (in terms of interests or emotional reactions) and I can see why people who also have those traits would project there own insecurities onto them, reinforcing the feminisation of the male character but not being comfortable enough in your own gender expression to genderbend the character or write them as trans. 

It’s the same reason I think mafia romance, dark romance etc etc is so popular with cishet women because they can read about a fantasy where instead of the very real every day misogyny and violence they face leading to abuse, assault and death, it brings “positives” ; protected, loved, a happy relationship. 

Which, side note. I think this has A Lot to do with y/n, self insert fics becoming “cringe”. Because, I think a lot of people just want to fuck/date a character and feel like they can’t write a self insert anymore, so just project massively onto one character, leading to a lot of these issues. I don’t think Tony Stark/Peter Parker would be as popular as it is if people just let young women write their self insert fic about being Tony Stark’s sugar baby and then we wouldn’t have the wildly mischaracterised version of Peter Parker that we do! 

But, all this being said. I’m talking about fiction. Dean Winchester isn’t actually affected if people online only talk about him in a stereotypically “female” way. 

RPF is a different kettle of fish (and I’m not going in RPF ethics that’s different - I have no issues with rpf creators/consumers to be clear, I am one) because a real person does become affected. Even if you are keeping your fan works and discussions to private spaces, it can leach over into how you speak about the actual person. That’s where it becomes so incredibly important to remember that your RPF version of celebrities are just as fictional as Dean Winchester is. 

sorry I used mr. supernatural as an example, 13 year old me is still alive and kicking in my head somewhere. 

I love to hear your perspective on it with a trans worldview (and academic credentials), and I do agree that that might be a big driver of some young people only wanting to engage with MLM fic and feeling uncomfortable with WLW fic. You've brought up so many great points so I'll try and address them all.

I can add the perspective of a lesbian who was closeted for the first two decades of my life, came out less than five years ago, and still struggles on and off with comphet now. MLM fics in my teens were a way to consume queer content and relationships without having to think about the implications of enjoying consuming WLW content, and I think that's true for a lot of young closeted teens so it's no surprise that some comphet/hetnorm/cisnorm stuff bleeds through there because it's a framework the authors haven't managed to detach themselves from yet.

But yeah, I agree the issue lies with people wanting characters to be self-inserts partially so that they can experience sex, sexuality, and romance without any of the hang ups of thinking about patriarchy. And I agree with your solution: make y/n fics cool again! The ability we have to hallucinate while we read is magic! You can put YOURSELF in as a character's love interest, how cool is that?

Ultimately, yeah. There's nothing wrong with RPF as long as it isn't actually affecting the person that the RPF is based off, but I've seen a lot of takes escaping containment so to say (ie. leaving this website) with takes about the actual racers so obviously picked up through RPF. The main culprits are Charles, Lando, Max in my experience.

[atiianeishaunted]

something i threw together before i go on vacation to give some incentive for people to get into this dumbass au thing i got goin on, the premise sounds insane but once you let go of any common sense its pretty chill over here . i swear !!!! ignore how i type liek a 13 year old on deviant art btw im cringe but free.....

some funfacts to make this ,. worth reading plus to give context:

this started because one of my ex best friends was REALLY into danganronpa and we were rp partners for a hot minute and liek . i ended up having a dream that kazuichi souda and keith kogane went to the mall together, told them about it n we were liek "hah thats funny" n then the danganronpa au was born even though i wasnt even into it at the time (became a major hyperfix and still is :'/)

the reapers canonically do fall within different age groups, all have unique deaths which play into their designs somewhat, uhh liek sheepdog got drowned and he has a lot of blue in his design, rein froze to death and also. is blue.,,,, a surprising amt of blue in these bitches ?.

sheepdog is a fan favorite and also alot of his fans turn out to be some flavor of freak and not in the funpilled way :( .. SIGH

when i mention fan favorites n fandom i mean on pixilart dot com i am .. heh a bit of a celebrity /j [i only have 5k] [ive been on there for liek 7 years atp

theres a whole prequel to the reaper project that follows an artifical god, and also theres technically 3 fake nations i made for this but like 1 of them is a pangea of the other two, also fake religions n cultures YIPPEEE

the reaper concept started with morse because i texted my friend red at liek 2am or smth n was liek "keith kogane corpse theory" and then i was liek "that sounds kind of epic" n now we are here ,,,,

one of my MAJOR dreams is to like see people with reaproj layouts, i make custom art for it n everything so if you end up getting into this request ur fav ill do it man

feel free to ask me questions or what have you, glad to answer, in fact begging for people to get into this i want friends !!!!!!!! and silly people in my phone!!!!!!! also this has been ongoing for liek 5+ years atp ,,,, unfortunately my special interest i fear but like s so epic i SWEARR, theres a lil smth for everyone, theres probably a reaper for your fandom, maybe, hence, the fandom tags, tried to tag every reaper's source media

^ do you see how many bitches there is in here!!!!!!!!! look at that!!

^ heres a further wip el oh el look theres morse and keith kogane normalpilled version, youve seen those two ! i think! sorry in advance if u were jus lookin for cool fanart n stumbled upon this but what is up, im lee,, i make cool art sometimes, known to haunt pinterest with a certain version of shep

anyway if u read all this ily hello! ur free to comment wtf or whatever, i encourage you to express whatever feelings of bafflement you may have, kissing u on the forehead

[greentrickster]

Canceling Internal Cringe Culture to Start Writing

Okay, I just got asked on AO3 about how to start writing in the face of cringe culture, especially the internalized sort, and I have a feeling this might be applicable to more than one person. So I’m gonna share what I told them with all of you as well! Here it goes:

Hmmm, this one's actually a little hard? Just because I've been writing for over twenty years now, and when I started, cringe culture just... high-key didn't exist. Neither did AO3. Tumblr was Right Out.

All that said... hmm... well first? Instead of using any sort of app or program, get a notebook - whatever floats your boat (I like to use ones with nice pictures on the front, but my sister uses those little pocket-sized ones) - and write in that instead. Even if you're not used to writing like that, give it a try anyway, because writing in a book makes it private, makes it personal, makes it just for you. And if it's just for you, then who cares if it's cringe? It's for you, no one else, and it's makes you happy, which is much more important! I like to use pens with green ink in my writing books. It sparks joy and adds an extra layer of good to the process. It may be slower, but it’s also an activity and movement that’s completely disconnected from all the nonsense on the internet, which can hopefully make it easier to ignore all that.

(If the page looks too big and blank and intimidating, I suggest adding stickers or a silly sketch or something. You can write around them, it’s fine.)

Just as important? Love what you're writing. This isn't 'content' or a product, this is a story or a poem or a memory. This is something you're writing down because you want to remember it. So love it. Indulge yourself, then indulge yourself more. Put everything you want to see into this, because you're also sitting in the audience, a very eager audience member and- hey, what do you know? The audience-member-who-is-you also just happens to be an up-and-coming new producer, everything they touch has been a hit so far, and they're taking an interest in your work. They think there could be something special there, that you, yes you, could be the next big thing. So be super sure to cater directly to this audience-member-who-is-also-you, it could lead places in the future.

Another thing that I find surprisingly helpful? The concept that there are no original ideas left in the world. A lot of creatives find this one super demoralizing or depressing, but I find it encouraging. Because it means, if I've had an idea, then someone else has had it, too. And that someone else probably wants to see it, even if they've made their own version of the idea. Heck, there could be a lot of someones! And they're cheering for you, so go for it!

And finally, the hardest part... you have to make a choice. Which do you care about more: listening to the part that cringes or writing? You can't care about both equally. You just can't. Writing is a lot of fun, but, like any creative form, it's also a lot of work. I didn't sit down and start writing at my current skill level, this is the result of two decades of practice, polishing, and honing my abilities. Looking back, the amount of work I put into all this is kind of staggering. But I didn't do it because 'I have to' or 'it's necessary.' I did it because I love writing, because I knew I could get better and I wanted to. And yeah, sometimes that involved doing stuff that was scary. There will always be aspects of it that are scary. I still get scared when I introduce certain new aspects to this fic, or enter new fandoms, or try something different. Writing can be hard and scary, that's just part of it. But the idea of not writing... that's so much worse.

You're starting in a really rough time for beginner creatives. Cringe culture, purity culture, cancel culture... all disgusting trends that need to end yesterday, if not sooner. It can be hard and scary to try because of all that. So step away from all that, take a chance somewhere private and safe that's just for you, and be brave. Choose to please yourself before anyone else. Love your stories, your characters, and the part of you that loves them, and take that first step. The best time to start a new project was probably yesterday, but the second best time to start one is always now. ;)

[productofaritual]

Tumblr doesn't let u pin multiple posts, so here's some posts I would pin too if I could :D (will grow over time)

Watch me go insane in real time

Crazy? I was crazy once

More about asks

More about me but in the form of a bad joke

Art (and not just art) resources

Intro? Intro. I've decided to actually engage with OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. Sometimes. Occasionally. To talk about my silly little thoughts and silly little writing.

Agender, any pronouns/terms (neutral preferred), Aroace

I'm working on an original book called "Bound By Name". It has its own tag and if you want to know about it, be sure to check out #Bound By Name (intro post about it here) (I don't post much about it but I am in the process of writing!)

Author/fanfic writer

Bilingual (English/Czech)

My ao3

Askbox always open! Speak to me! Also if you have fic prompts or ideas you think I'd like/want me to write, throw them in there too!

DMs always open but say what you want right in the first message because I might not answer or panic block

Spam liking/reblogging/commenting is A-OK. I love to see people enjoying my silly little posts

Moot = can interact anytime all the time as much as they like I literally can't say how much I appreciate all of them

I mainly write SBI and beeduo (yes, in 2024) and talk about random stuff

All of my fics are strictly about the characters! All of them! Every single one!

Way more WIPs than completed works

Expect me talking about discontinued works, unfinished works, or those on hiatus, but I'll only be posting the finished ones on ao3! That's why they're taking so long

I only write for the DSMP fandom but some of my other interests include: D&D, Detroit: Become Human, EPIC: The Musical, Project SEKAI, Genshin, Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, The Magnus Archives and maybe getting into the life series

CRINGE CULTURE IS FUCKING DEAD

DNI: Basic DNI, just don't be weirdchamp and we'll probably get along. I really don't think I mind anyone with basic human decency. If I dislike something you do I'll just block

Not siding with anyone on any cc drama ever. All I'll say is do your research and base your opinions on concrete proof and verified facts. I might have my own opinion, but I will not be voicing it.

Blinkies and tag sorting under cut!

Tag sorting (started 22.05.2024 so anything earlier isn't gonna have them. Also I just forget to add them sometimes)

#textpost.bzzt - generic post that I made. Includes asks because I don't get enough of them to justify making a separate tag

#rbees.bzzt - reblogs. Can you tell I'm proud of that pun?

#artbees.bzzt - specifically art reblogs. Can you tell I'm even more proud of that pun? (I tend to reblog art multiple times, only one will be tagged)

#fandom.bzzt - fandom related posts. Can be any fandom. Art reblogs won't have it, mainly because I'm lazy

#mootsies.bzzt - anything related to my mutuals

#personal.bzzt - stuff that might be a bit more personal/talking about my personal life. No I'm not doxxing myself, just talking about my pets or experiences or whatever

#writing.bzzt - anything writing related

#onceinafullmoonramble.bzzt - my once in a full moon rambles. They're longer than my usual posts and can be about literally anything

#horizonverse.bzzt - anything related to the fanfic series "Event Horizon" by Hellenite on ao3. Will not be tagged with fandom or fic tags most of the time because I don't wanna spam them. I didn't have any part in the creation of it, it's just my special interest

#genshin dsmp fusion - a random au I post about that features the DSMP as a new genshin region and the members as playable characters! It's not a fic and I don't plan on writing it into one, I'm just rambling about my ideas for it

(Made w https://blinkies.cafe, divider by cafekitsune)

[weirdlyeldritch]

Come one, come all! You'll have fun at my carnival stall!

Hiya! Welcome to my shitshow I'll be your host for this lovely place, but before we do that, it's best I introduce myself :P

ref for my lil guy :D (sona): [@7 (cat)

You can call me Eldritch or weird, I'm a minor (one in the lgbt community) whos I'm pretty sure has undiagnosed adhd and can't spell for shit (I have a love hate relationship with autocorrect) who is also an ✨️Artist✨️ who honestly needs/wants to draw more, my special interests/fandoms (in no particular order):

Smg4 <- main one :P

Doai (dreams of an insomniac)

The entire bendy franchise

Cuphead

Tadc (the amazing digital circus)

Splatoon as a whole

Murder drones

And more I'm forgetting lol (the list can and will be changed/added too)

I'll try my hardest to just talk about stuff I love/like than ranting about things I hate *cough cough* Garten of banban *cough cough*

I'm excited to be here and sure we'll all have a good time here :D

Au :O My floor breathes my air, poisoning me. (Currently getting revamped)

Apparently ppl also have a dni list here so I'll put mine here!

Proshipers and anti-shippers yall are way to extreme

Pedos, Creeps, Weirdos, ect.

Anyone apart of "cringe culture" thing that's just an excuse for bullying

Bigots

ppl who draw NSFW (nothing against them I'm just underage and don't wanna see that stuff)

MxM shippers (meggy x maryo)

Incest

Uhhh I can't think of anymore soo things might (hopefully not) be added later

[rosethornewrites]

Just saw something about how some generations can now say “this friend I’ve had on the internet for 20+ years” in terms of Internet 1.0.

I remember my parents being paranoid about who I was talking to on the internet, something I started doing around 1995-6 at school and a bit later at home, and it was like, dude…

First of all, anyone who starts in with a/s/l isn’t someone I talk to. If later in the conversation, yeah, maybe.

But here’s the second bit: if they start talking anything sexual, I’m blocking them because I’m so disinterested and also kind of starting to wonder what that disinterest means (het -> bi -> lesbian -> demi? -> asexual -> Sapphic asexual -> what is gender? pipeline here). I’ve got better things to do than talk to some weirdo on the internet.

Third? Those things involve fanfiction in the early days of anime translation in the US before FFN existed, something so incredibly niche that no predator is going to get far enough to get me, because they will get bored af.

Basically, I was only in danger if I went looking for it, and I had no interest whatsoever.

So I have friends from the late 90s I keep up with, back from the days of personal message boards for web users and this one Yu Yu Hakusho fic repository I was active on that died when Geocities did but had amazing fanworks that likely only exist in the Archive or possibly on some old floppy discs I need to get old files from.

It really fascinates me, the differences between old internet and new, on a variety of levels.

One is the obvious, kind of the purity culture shit, sanitizing the internet “for the children” that happens now.

But also there’s an entire generation that will have had online friends nearly their entire lives because the internet has been accessible-ish their entire lives.

I was 14 when I was first introduced to the internet. At school only. We had a PC (rare back then) but it wasn’t internet-compatible, and it ran on MS-DOS and had Windows 3.1 as a loadable program, and Word Perfect as an entirely different loadable program.

I fell into fandom at about 16, and am still friends with several. I’m 40 now, and I’ve just kept gathering them. I don’t even know where I picked some of them up. Memory fails me.

Weirdly, some folks think it’s weird or even “cringe” that I still exist in fandom and have all these friends from forever ago, and I kind of want to ask them when they’ll leave it all behind and become some sort of adult with no hobbies because the capitalist machine demands no fun only work.

Even when I worked, I didn’t leave it behind. And I don’t have to or want to. Even when I wasn’t active in the fandom aspect of my internet existence, I was still online attending to other special interests, specifically engaging about political and social issues, and also being an activist.

I still do some of that, too, but I leaned too far into it, as in anything not productive in some way (helping organize, engaging intellectually, reading focused on achieving my reading goal for the year), I didn’t do.

Yeah, I tried to be an adult and leave my “childish” stuff behind entirely. And you know what? It sucked.

It was like the joy in anything was sucked out because it had to have a purpose. I had to focus on what adults were supposed to focus on (according to… society? corporations?) to the exclusion of all else.

And it messed me up in other ways.

So I’ve been trying to balance more, but the world’s on fire, I’ve become temporarily (?) disabled, and I’m trying to keep from sliding into a depression.

Don’t lock away or discard your childish things. It isn’t worth the price to your mental health. Literally no one worth your time is going to give a fuck if you have anime wallscrolls on your walls because you enjoy them.

But I’m so glad to have the internet friends I do, the ones I’ve gathered and still kept in touch with, or who grew apart and came back, or who will come back in the future. It just really hit me how much of my life they’ve been in.

Like, they know this whole other world and how we’ve grown with it, in a way my IRL friends never will. And vice versa. And I wouldn’t trade one for the other, ever.

High rambling. If you got this far, sorry.

[mindrole]

just wanted to say i like your attitude in general, fandoms can be really aggressive over "canon" so it's nice to see you take the attitude of "i don't care whether this is in character or whether "canon" contradicts it, this is fanwork and i think it's funny so that's all that matters". i also love your oc azuma, a fragment oc is a concept i've never seen done before but you love him so much and it's so nice to see. cringe culture is dead!! you should post more of him!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND MESSAGES NONNIE!!! i try my best to have fun with stuff and can be a bit individualistic in that way. i like to take a very laissez faire approach to my interpretation of characters because tbh ironically i feel that focusing on the details leads to flanderization. zooming out and seeing the big picture, probably still abstractly in character <-guy who flanderizes fictional characters like its his job saying some kind of nonsense to sound smart

also, azuma is not my oc ^^ hes a real character from the series! but he does not appear in person and is barely mentioned so its completely understandable he is obscure. im telling you his existence is practically debatable to the point where sometimes i wonder if im participating in some kind of mass hallucination, but he undoubtably exists. and i am an insane person. you are the normal one here.

i actually was not sure what you meant at first until i got the second message <-guy who struggles. but i will be answering in one message...!

im not sure how much spoilers you are ok with (probably fine since you scrolled down my blog but i want to be careful) but i can say as a baseline that azuma is one of those entities that are mentioned in the background of the story that don't matter. until they matter, like the mutsushikas or ditasword. azuma himself is an interesting case because of how deep the rabbit hole goes. like. its actually quite ridiculous how many pots he has his hands in. and no one even knows if azuma is two different characters or if he just changed names at some point (since fragmentation=not aging)

im just not good at ascertaining what is a spoiler and what isnt so just let me know how much i should lower the filter. but azuma really is special compared to the others fragments.

since azuma does not have a design i ironically try not to get attached to any mental image of him i may think of (because i hate being wrong) but i did edit a cap of bad anime sasami-san slightly as you possibly saw because i thought it was funny. i really needed a stand-in for the last chara in the photo redraw so i went fuck it, i'll use the barely edited design thats just sasami's brother (who holds a briefcase over his face at all times) but with a pink shrimp ahoge

yeah that's all we know about azuma's appearance aside from the obvious color combo. he has a shrimp ahoge. i think i might collapse

ill be reblogging posts ive made about azuma that are just my personal opinion so you can see what level of delusional and desperate im operating on

[shego1142]

Hmmm…. Can I make a post that’s probably going to upset people?

I’m not fakeclaiming (because I hate that so much)

But there are a lot of people who are using their autism diagnosis to bring down the autistic community and silence the voices of other autistic people

And you’d think we’d be fucking past that in the year 2022

But I keep seeing a lot of people saying things along the lines of

“If you like xyz then you’re a bad person! Even if you’re autistic and it’s your special interest! I’m autistic and when I have a problematic special interest I simply stop having that interest! UwU”

And then completely ignoring all the countless autistic people who explain that it doesn’t work that way for them.

I have “problematic” special interests that will not go away. They won’t stop, sometimes even if I am being harmed by them or by certain controversies surrounding them.

To stop having that special interest would stop me from being myself. Without my special interest and my ability to talk about and engage with said special interest, I am in both emotional and physical pain that drains me of my energy and general wellbeing.

Autism is a spectrum in that different aspects of it affect different people differently and whatever aspect special interests are, it affects me greatly.

And the same goes for thousands of other autistic peeps. 

For many many people, that means we can not “get rid of” a special interest. It’s there. Sometimes for a little while, sometimes for life.

That’s why I am so so so over “cringe culture.”

That’s why I’m unfollowing people who say “if you still like Harry Potter then you’re a bad person” or “read a better book”

There is not an interest an autistic person could have that would actually cause serious harm to others.

Interests are not actions you take. Interests are neutral, they can’t be inherently good or bad.

Autistic people who still like Harry Potter aren’t evil anti Semitic transphobic assholes, we’re fucking stuck with JKRoldemort breathing down our backs like some menacing monster.

We’re just as fucking pissed off, just as hurt, just as ostracised by her as everyone else (she’s super ableist too if everyone has just forgotten)

I’m trans. I have Jewish family members who also love HP like I do and many of them also have it as a special interest. I’m disabled both physically and neurodivergently.

I recognise that she is a shitty person and that her books aren’t always great. But it’s still a special interest of mine. I still love the fics and the fandom. I still love to watch the movies or reread my copies of the book.

And this isn’t just about HP, this is about literally any and every special interest ever.

Sure there are ways to reduce certain forms of harm that could potentially be done, you know, like pirating Disney shows, or not buying any officially licensed merch, etc.

All my books are bought from secondhand shops (in particularly one that supports my local library!) and when I have the $ to do so if I’m going to buy merch it will only ever be from individual small businesses ran by fans.

Like sure, watch where your money goes, yea that could be a good idea.

But honestly? Even that’s still exhausting and very fucking performative.

You’re not some holier than thou paragon of goodness just because you refused to read a book or a fic.

You’re not some amazing martyr because you’ve forced yourself to become smaller and are advocating for others to do the same.

Stop acting like you are.

And listen to people when we tell you we can’t do something or that it would cause us harm.

And if you’re sitting there, reading this and thinking “oh well my autism doesn’t affect me this way”

Then listen to me, because mine absolutely does affect me that way.

Either accept it and move on or block me and move on

but do not dare and try and tell me that I am not trying hard enough to be good enough to live up to the bullshit standards you’ve set for yourself.

I get that from neurotypical able body people enough as is and I am so sick of it.

I tried to make myself smaller, to tear myself down and hide my “upsetting” “problematic” “cringy” interests.

And I lost so much of myself in the process. I hurt myself because people on tumblr told me it was “what was right”

Fuck off.

I am not a bad person.

[bananzaarcade]

🕹Hello Hello!🕹

This is another @gigglemugphentermine alt and a @selfyshipzirkus new account!

..

Sup mini boppers! My name is chris,christie or murrissey and I'm just a 15 year old autistic and depressed attention deficit rat who is currently fixated on fanboy and chumchum,arcades and scene culture and I welcome you to the bananzaarcade!

This side account will be used for posting about my good amount of drawings of my ocs,oc/self insert x canon ships and fanarts of my fictional others,enjoy your stay!

...

F/o list(💌 if mainly focused atm)

Mettaton ex(UT)

Chris McLean(TD)

Boog Shlizetti(FBACC)💌

The Onceler(2012 Lorax)

2d(Gorillaz)

Rosemary(Delicious Party Precure!)

...

DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE A:

Bigots in general(Lgbtphobe,racist,etc)

Anti Xenos/Mogai

Cringe culture Suppoters(you guys are the reason I feel embarassed while posting about my interests:))

Terfs,Radfems,Transmeds

Fandom(Canon vs Fanmade),LGBT and Racism discourse accounts

NSFW,KINK(specially DDLG),and Age Regressors

Anti Oc/Self insert x Canon shippers and people who believe into the OC vs CC barrier

Fujo/Fudan/Himesharts

PROSHITS(BOTH PROSHIPPERS AND PROFICTION PEOPLE) AND (AC/NO)MAPS/PEARS

...

Dangaronpa fans/srs

R/totaldramafanon and it members/supporters

AnimationgamingGuest and her stupid brainwashed bootlickers(don't you guys realize that she's the reason why I no longer feel safe in the popee the performer fandom,she groomed me and 5 other people!:D)

For your information:

I tend to talk and gush ALLOT about my f/os so please,if you share one with me and you are uncomfy with me doing it so,I reccomend blocking me and avoiding me at all costs

If you violate my DNI or simply makes me uncomfy I'll simply block you,no warnings

I tend to take my hyperfixations and love towards my f/os specially my current ones very seriously so please,refrain from telling me that they're "just fictional" and similiar,it's only fine to tell me that when I feel jealous towards someone who is more famous for liking the same f/o as me and about that

I have immense jealousy issues so please,make sure to calm me down during that,I can literally snap at people or even start showing self destructive behaviours from harming myself or even others,I'm so sorry

I am very emotional so please do not try to upset me or make me have a panic attack,I may be emotional but I also might end up bottling it all and leave your servers/unfollow you,you still free to talk with me and so find a solution for the problem,but,if I end up blocking you once you upset me,this simply means I don't want to talk with you at all

I tend to use the classic emotions like :), :(,:P,>:(,XD etc, since I loved using them on my computer times on roblox so yeah,I'm NOT doing this for attention

I tend to type stuff in the end with !!!!!!,?????? And words where I replace the s with z,w,and x because I think it's fun

Currently the year my mindset is at is early 2000s-late 2010s so please do not harass me over it,I seek comfort in nostalgia and allot even tho I only Joined the internet around 2015 and officially became apart of it in 2018/2019,I may have arrived right when the fun stopped but I still remember allot of things by there even as a kiddo:P

I have a au where the characters I love and their friends(ex:gorillaz & fanboy and chumchum) are all scemo cats or even cat hybrids with other animals so yeah

I know there are scums who might harass people over their characters,au and etc,since I used to be one before,if I find your comments/reblogs or even about your existence you r getting blocked!!!!

..

Thank you for understanding!

[smokedanced]

@starfalled​​ said: what is the first book you remember reading yourself? ; do you have a guilty fav? ; what non-fiction books do you like if any? ; what are things you look for in a book? ; recommend and review a book.

book asks    /    ACCEPTING ↷

what is the first book you remember reading yourself? :: oh man. ooooh, i think it was one of those children’s books that had a short part of a story for every day of the year, with one month making up a whole story? of course i would read like everything all at once instead. i learned to read around age 5? i couldn’t say what the actual first book i read myself was but several of these kind come to mind from earlier childhood. wait, wait, also, actually may have been earlier: little golden books books! these were translated to finnish. i remember especially the color kittens (painter cats in finnish) and little mommy (please shut up, i wish it had been something else but i had like autistic level special interest in this one as a kid and i named my own dolls after it and everything, my copy was so well read it fell apart).

do you have a guilty fav? :: i don’t tend to believe in guilty faves - if i like something, why hide it? i feel like this is more asking for cringe faves than “problematic faves” but let me answer for both. one of my favourite haruki murakami books is kafka on the shore and it heavily plays on incest, both sibling and parent/child, and i also believe the main character is like 16 or 17 making it underage as well? like i’m actually mildly squicked by incest but i love this book nevertheless, i like murakami in general and he tends to use incest, underage and noncon themes (which makes it hilarious to me when fandom antis reblog murakami quotes from books heavy on themes they wanna censorship) even if they’re not the main point of the story. for cringe fave? hard pressed to name a specific title but i do love a good over the top dramatic middle grade/ya “chickflick” novel in general. think like, mean girls but as a novel.

what non-fiction books do you like if any? :: plenty! i read more fiction, but i actually love nonfiction as well. specifically books on bdsm and natural sciences. i have more books on quantum physics than any other specific genre for nonfiction. at least i have range! “bdsm and natural sciences”, lol. but yeah, i’d like to be a particle physicist someday and i collect books on quantum physics specifically.

what are things you look for in a book? :: answered!

recommend and review a book :: girls of paper and fire by natasha ngan. paraphrased from an old review: the author did a good thing - and actually put a trigger warning for sexual abuse and graphic violence in front of the novel. let's normalise trigger warnings in books! oh gods. when i pick up a high fantasy, i don't expect to end up listing is as one of my favourite books. with girls of paper and fire, i had the experience of "i'm still awake at five in the morning but i cannot possibly stop reading now". i was excited for this book, despite high fantasy not being my usual fave - a wlw! lots of people of colour! a culturally rich setting! lore! lei is. a lot. i love wren with all of my heart and i wish there would be a companion written from her point of view. lei... i like her. actually, the two complement each other very well, imho - and lei is only seventeen, so her faults are realistic for a teenager. i see the faults, but the beautiful parts make up for them, imho. there're some astonishing quotes, interesting worldbuilding, and a beautifully flawed wlw romance. i hope we'll see more of aoki and blue in the next book, too. mostly just protect wren at all cost. i love her so much.

[mars-colony]

Writing Tag

I was tagged, forever ago, by @tarberrymentats! Thank you so much Halk for the tag!

I’ll tag @anonymouscosmos, @theggning, @tanaleth, @purple-martin111, @allisondraste, @juniper-tree, and @aviatorfics, as well as anyone else that would like to do this! Also no pressure if you don’t want to.

1.  How many works do you have on AO3? Seven, with three different pairings, and two fandoms. Obligatory link to my AO3.

2.  What’s your total AO3 word count? 141,297 words

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos? Keep Close - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (214) Belief - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (151) Learning Curve - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (131) Morning Negotiations - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (70) WARM - John Hancock x F! Sole Survivor (61)

4. Do you respond to comments?  Why or why not? I try so hard to reply to every comment, but i get overwhelmed between updates and fail to do so. So shout out to the 17 unread comments in my inbox, I love every single one of you with my entire heart I just physically cannot get myself to respond I'm so so so so sorry.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? My fic has a LOT of angst in it, but I'm not really big on angsty endings? There isn't really a reason for the angst for me if we don't get through it into something lighter?

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Happy endings would require me to actually finish something. Also I'm a sap so it'll all probs end happily.

7. Do you write crossovers?  If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written? I am not a fan of crossovers.

*amendment to this* I once wrote a self insert high school au with like all my fave anime characters??? Cringe cultures dead right lol 😂

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? I don't think so?? Which is incredible as someone that started writing and sharing fic at the young and incredibly embarrassing age of 11.

9.  Do you write smut?  If so, what kind? I sure do, boy howdy. It is all incredibly emotional with plot and lots of praise and body worship. I'm a little vanilla but you know what. I do what I want. It's interesting to look at different characters and examine their dynamics in smutty situations. I think it appeals to me a lot as a demisexual person because sexual attraction is rare for me and very special and intimate?? I dunno, it's about the trust, for me. Also it's fun. I like making awkward smut also, because if you don't laugh and have a good time what's the fucking point??

10.  Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but hey that would be absolutely awesome.

12.  Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once upon a time on a fashion website we brutally misused, there was a death note fan fiction written by a gaggle of middle school (all the way until most of us were in college) girls, role playing as genius orphans that rivaled the word count of the Les Mis novel. The drama was impeccable, and I have that RP to blame for the majority of my progress as a writer. I would not be nearly as skilled as I am today without it, and all of those women still hold a HUGE place in my heart, I think of them like once a day at least.

13.  What’s your all-time favourite ship? To no one's surprise, it's Danse x Sole Survivor. Not just Dollie, but like any sole that treats him right.

14.  What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not sure? Probably my Outerworld's snippets? Who knows, we'll see.

15. What are your writing strengths? I've been told I'm very good at dialogue, and can get people to feel specific emotions. These of course, are such amazing compliments, they mean the world to me. Dialogue is something I used to struggle with so I put a lot of time and effort into improving, and portraying emotion is just my general goal with writing of all kinds.

16.  What are you writing weaknesses? Probs my perfectionism. If you've been following me for an extended amount of time you're probably aware that I mention having rewritten things multiple times before publishing lol. That isn't an exaggeration in the slightest. I need to lighten up in this area tbh.

17.  What are your thoughts one writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I'm not really a good source for this one, as I can only speak one language. But it doesn't bother me either way really. Like, you could write it as "so and so said in Spanish" or actually put the Spanish in there. Doesn't bother me either way. I like it being included, and I don't mind reading subtitles in my visual media so meh.

18.  What was the first fandom you wrote for? Naruto, lol (I was XLadyxInuzukaxNinjaX on ye old quizilla)

19.  What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? If my favoritism isn't blatant already, it's definitely Keep Close. It's my longest, longest running, and most fleshed out fic. The characters are special to me, and I’m learning a lot about writing from it. It’s also kind of a character study and it’s just really enjoyable to write and I love it.

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[emberfrostlovesloki]

# 12 Comic Con

Gif credit; @prettyboyspence​

Prompt: Comic Con - Spencer and Garcia go to a convention in Pennsylvania so Spencer can see his favorite cosplayer [the reader]  again in person.

Couple: Spencer Reid/ Reader (female)

Category: Fluff

Content Warning: None

A/N: I wanted to write something completely fluffy, because I’ve only written angst for either the Reader or Spencer and I thought I should switch it up a little. This one shot is based on the reader being a cosplayer, but as long as you have a basic understanding of conventions this shouldn’t pose a problem. It’s not a super romantic fic, but it leans in that direction. I hope you enjoy! Like/ reblog please. 

List with all stories

Word Count: 6K

_y/n_ = your name 

_y/i_ = your initials 

_h/c_ = hair color

Spencer tried to make himself comfortable in the economy seat of the airplane he was currently on. With his long legs, unfortunately, the task was futile. After he gave up, the lanky man returned to his book. The genius FBI agent was not on the plane for a case, in fact he was on the plane for pleasure, or at least future pleasure. Reid was on his way to Pennsylvania to attend Steel City Comic Con. He had never attended the convention before, what was really drawing him to the state of virtue and independence was the cosplayer FrindlyFighter. 

Reid had stumbled across their account a few years ago. They cosplayed from Star Trek, Marvel, and many other fandoms that Spencer enjoyed. He had the opportunity of meeting FriendlyFighter at San Diego Comic Con in 2017. She was hosting a panel about the psychology of the Red Shirt from Star Trek. Although they hadn’t gotten all of the hard science right, Spencer was still enamored at someone being dedicated enough to do the research to pull off the panel. After the discussion was over he had approached the area where the host was chatting with some of the volunteers at the convention. She had noticed him and turned and walked up to him. “Hey, how are you enjoying the convention?” Spencer had stumbled over his words as he replied, “I’m good, I mean the convention has been great. I was really excited to see that you were hosting a panel this year.” The cosplayer smiled at his statement and asked, “So you’re interested in the psychological elements of Star Trek? It’s good to hear because every time I give one of these panel’s I’m not sure why there are so many people in the audience. You might say I’ve got impostor syndrome.” FriendlyFighter laughed at her self-deprecating humor and Spencer quickly replied, “I’m very interested in what you have to say. I actually use psychology a lot where I work, and I don’t think you’re an impostor. Upon hearing that one of her fans was more qualified in the field of psychology than her, she asked, “Where do you work?” She had not expected his response of, “I’m a profiler for the FBI, actually.” Her eyes grew wide at the information and she quickly said, “Wow, that must be a very difficult job. You’re a lot better at the science than I am. How did I do up there? Did I butcher all of the science?” The woman cringed at the idea, but she had asked and wanted to know if she was super off base in her assertions. Thankfully the man said, “You did really good. Not all of your claims are bullet proof, but generally you got it right.” The cosplayer relaxed and the knowledge and said, “Sorry I’m interrogating you over here, I haven’t even asked your name.” Spencer smiled and said, “My name is Spencer Reid, it’s nice to meet you.” She at him and said, “It’s nice to meet you Spencer.” The tall man stood for a second. He hadn’t realized that a short line of FriendlyFighter’s fans had formed behind him. The panelist looked back at him and said, “Would you like a picture.” At this statement Spencer smiled and fumbled for his phone. He positioned himself beside the cosplayer. She lifted her hand in the Vulcan salute and Reid snapped the photo. He said, “Thank you so much.” To which she replied, “Of course. Have a good rest of the con.”  

Spencer was brought back into the moment when the wheels of the plane touched the earth with a lurch. After he had grabbed his suitcase from the baggage terminal the agent flagged down a taxi and went straight to his hotel. The hotel was just across the road from the Monroeville convention center where the event was taking place. The hotel was already bustling with guests with large props and costume pieces on their luggage carts. The atmosphere was so different from his normal 24/7 work induced stress. After the lean man made it up to his room on the fourth floor he set his suitcase in the entrance way and he flopped down on the bed. He told himself that after a short nap he would go out on the town to find something to eat, but right now he was content to rest. While Reid was sleeping Garcia was sitting on a train, also headed to Pennsylvania. She was listening to one of her favorite trashy audio books and was thinking, ‘how the hell did Reid rope me into this mess.’ After all it had only been a week ago when she had asked him, “So do you have any plans for the weekend.” The boy genius had casually brought up that he was going to a convention. Garcia wasn’t really paying attention to his rambling conversation and she cut off his stream of conscious monologue by asking, “So who’s going to be at this convention, anyone special?” When she asked this Reid changed gears and started listing off names, saying, “Well I’m really excited to see a cosplayer named FriendlyFighter, she’s part of the opening ceremony and is holding a few panels, also Denis Lawson, Wil Wheaton, Catherine Tate.” The lanky agent continued listing the names. Garcia was about to start tuning out the man, but then he said the magic words, “and some guy named Duke Lancelot of Camelot.” When Spencer said this the technical analyst quickly swung around in her chair, mouth open in surprise. Upon seeing her expression Spencer asked, “Is everything okay?” Garcia closed her mouth and said, “Duke Lancelot of Camelot is one of the most famous players of World of Warcraft. He’s a legend, Reid.” Although Spencer had never heard of this legend he said, “Well you could come with me and meet him. Just get a two day pass or something.” Garcia was so enamored with the idea of meeting one of her video game heroes that she said, “I am absolutely coming with you Spencer.” The male agent hadn’t expected such a fast response and said, “Cool. I’ll catch up with you after work and we can figure out the details.” And that was how Penelope Garcia was convinced to go to a comic con in Pennsylvania. 

While Garcia was taking the slower, and safer method of getting up to the convention Spencer was just getting to the front of the registration line. A woman motioned for him to move forward to the window that she was sitting behind. When he got to the window the woman asked, “Do you have your pass pre-printed or do you need to pick it up, or are you going to buy a pass now?” As Spencer rummaged through his bag he said, “I have it pre-printed.” When Reid finally found the badge in his bag he pulled it out and held it up for the woman to see. The convention staff worker took a moment to look at the pass before she turned to the computer in front of her. She input his name and crossed it off the excel spreadsheet. After she finished this she said, “Have a nice convention Mr. Reid.” Spencer said thanks and walked toward the main hall. The opening ceremony of the con was going to start in fifteen minutes, and he wanted to be close to the front. When he had first met FriendlyFighter, or her other name on social media of _y/i_, she was a small cosplayer who had a small following. But after a few months she had grown in size, and started appearing at more and more conventions. Spencer couldn’t tell what had changed, after all she hadn’t changed her content too much. Spencer took a moment to consider that the cultural zeitgeist had changed around popular culture and conventions in general. It was true that attendance at conventions like  Blizzcon or Emerald City Comicon had been going up by twenty percent each year. As he was musing over these facts the lights in the ballroom dimmed and a loud male voice came over the hotel sound system. “Friends, fans and people of all sorts, welcome to Steel City Con 2019!” The crowd cheered as the man who was making the announcement came out from behind the red curtain and stood in the center of the stage. The master of ceremony said, “My name is Greg Hicks and I’ll be your master of ceremony for the weekend. But I know you’re not here for me, so let me introduce you to just a few of the very talented people you can meet this weekend.” At this statement the crowd went wild again. Reid had to cover his ears to stop a headache from forming. Greg continued by saying, “First of all we are happy to welcome, Megan Coffee!” Megan came out from the curtain dressed as a Pokemon Go character, she waved at the crowd and said into a microphone attached to her shirt, “Hi everybody! I hope you’re ready for a good weekend.” The woman walked to the other side of the stage. Greg announced a few more people, including Duke Lancelot of Camelot. Finally the MC said, “And last but certainly not least we are happy to announce the charming FriendlyFighter!” The crowd gave less cheers as the young cosplayer came out dressed as Catra from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Spencer clapped quietly and listened as she said, “Good evening fellow fans. I’m so happy to get to see, and meet you all this weekend.” The gathered crowd dispersed after the ceremony. Many of the younger participants would stay up all night to talk or work on last minute costumes, Reid on the other hand headed back to his room at the hotel. 

When he walked through the sliding glass doors Garcia was standing at guest services getting the key to her room. The tall agent used his stealth skills to walk right behind Garcia and tapped her shoulder and said, “Hi.” at the same time. The computer genius was so startled that she jumped up, screamed, spun around and hit Spencer in the stomach. The tall agent coughed and grabbed onto his abdomen and wheezed out, “Geez Penelope, I thought you were excited to hangout with me this weekend.” When Garcia realized who it was she said, “Oh my God Spence I’m so sorry.” She wrapped him in a hug and whispered in his ear, “Never sneak up on me again.” Spencer smiled at the pseudo threat and said, “I’ll take that into consideration.” Reid waited for Garcia to get her key and walked her up to her room. The blonde agents room was three doors down from his. After Garcia was settled in her room Spencer said, “I think I’m going to go to my room and do some reading.” When she heard this, the computer analyst said, “Would you wait a minute. There’s a 24 hour gaming room and I’ve heard the servers are really good. I’m going to go over there and play for a few hours. Would you walk me over?” Spencer was already feeling tired, but knew that it was 22% safer for a woman to walk at night with a man, rather than walking alone. So he replied, “Sure thing.” Garcia took off her blazer and put on a more comfortable sweatshirt over the bright pink shirt she wore. Of course Spencer had turned toward the door to not look at Penelope change, even though it was just a piece of outer clothing. As the pair returned to the convention center Garcia was catching Reid up on the interesting passengers on her train ride up to the con. Once inside the main lobby of the building Penelope took in the size of the convention. There were groups of people lounging around at the tables and couches, some in cosplay and some in regular clothes, or the people in their pajamas. Garcia thought, ‘Now those people have the right idea. But if I was in front of Reid in my P.J.’s I’d probably scar him for life.” As her eyes danced around the room they landed on a Catra cosplayer. When she saw her she grabbed Spencer's arm and said, “Oh my God. I have to get a picture with that woman.” Spencer followed the direction of her finger and he saw that it was _y/i_. The male agent could see that the guest attendant was talking to two other cosplayers and said, “That's FriendlyFighter, the person I came here to see. She looks a little busy right now.” Garcia looked up to Spencer and was shocked to see that his cheeks were flushed. With this detail in mind the analyst said, “Come on Reid, you know that guest attendants at cons usually wear a different costume each day. Maybe two costumes a day. This might be my only chance to get a picture with her.” Reid sighed and gave in saying, “Alright.” 

The pair of FBI agents approached the group of cosplayers. As the agents approached the She-Ra group, they looked up at the pair. Garcia stepped forward and said, “You all look so amazing! Could I get a picture with your group?” FriendlyFighter smiled and said, “Sure thing.” The group got up and stood beside Penelope. Garcia waited a second and completely forgot that she needed to have a device to take the picture on. She fished around in her pocket and pulled out her phone, saying, “Wow I can be totally brain dead when I’m around talented people.” She found her phone and extended it out to Spencer saying, “Spence can you take the picture please?” Reid took the phone and said, “Of course.” As he swiped to open the camera, Penelope took her place again, and smiled broadly. FriendlyFighter put her arm around Garcia’s shoulder and gave the peace sign, while the Bow cosplayer held his prop bow and arrow, and Glimmer took her classic power stance. Reid held up his hand and signaled three, two, one, while saying, “Three, two one.” The lanky man took a few pictures and then stepped forward to hand Penelope her phone. As the blond woman checked her photos FriendlyFighter smiled at Reid. Once Garcia was satisfied with the quality of her pictures she said, “Thank you all so much. Your costumes are really amazing!” The whole group chorused, “You’re welcome!” and the two agents continued down the hall toward the gaming room. 

As they were walking away FriendlyFighter was thinking about the tall man and wondered, ‘have I met him somewhere before.’ She wasn’t sure, but she wanted to find out, so she said to the other members of her group, “I’m going to find something out. I’ll find you in a few minutes.” The cosplayer walked after the pair moved further into the convention building. The cosplayer quickly caught up with Reid and Garcia. When the agents saw her they stopped walking and Penelope said, “Is something wrong?” FriendlyFighter blushed and said, “Um, this is kind of awkward, but have I met you before?” She pointed to Spencer and the agent opened and closed his mouth for a second. He was surprised that she would remember him at all. He considered, ‘Maybe she’s just mistaking me for someone else.’ After a moment of silence the cosplayer said, “I don’t mean to hold you up from something. I know it’s a weird question.” Spencer snapped out of his head as Garcia sharply elbowed him and the male agent replied, “I met you at SDCC in 2017. You gave a panel on the psychology of the Red Shirt in Star Trek. It was really cool.” The cosplayer nodded as she thought back to the convention so long ago. She muttered, “Yeah,” and then more loudly, but still with some hesitation, asked, “You were into psychology weren’t you. You said I didn’t completely fuck up the science?” Spencer smiled and quickly replied, “Yup, that’s me.” FriendlyFighter’s eyes lit up and she said, “Wow, that’s super cool. Sorry I don’t mean to keep you both standing here. Where are you walking, do you mind if I come with?” Spencer looked to Garcia and she smiled and said, “Where'd love for you to walk with us.” The trio continued on their journey to the game room and FriendlyFighter said, “My name is _y/n_, I’ve unfortunately forgotten yours.” The cosplayer extended her hand to Spencer, and he took it and said, “I’s Spencer Reid. Nice to meet you again _y/n_.’ _Y/n_ then looked to Garcia and extended her hand. Garcia shook it enthusiastically and said, “I’m Penelope Garcia.” “It’s nice to meet you Penelope, “ _y/n_ replied. The cosplayer turned back to Spencer and said, “I know this is already weird, but I’m giving a panel on Saturday on Trauma and Grief in the Star Wars squeals and I know that you’re really good at analyzing character traits. Would you be willing to look over my notes and make some corrections? You can totally say no, I get that it’s a big request. It’s just that I haven’t given a big panel over character psychology in a while. And now that I’m more popular I’d like to have my facts as accurate as possible.” The group had arrived at room #115 where the gaming was taking place and they all stopped. Spencer thought about the possibility for helping out one of his favorite creators and said, “I’d be happy to.” The two nerds smiled and Garcia looked at them and rolled her eyes and said, “I hate to break up this moment, but I’m just going to say goodnight to this dork.” _Y/n_ snapped out of her trance at smiling at Spencer and the male agent did the same. Spencer turned to Garcia and said, “Well, have fun in there. If you plan on coming back to the hotel later tonight, or some other ungodly hour just call me.” After _y/n_ had said goodbye to Penelope, her cosplay group found her and she was whisked away to a rave on the third floor. But not before she got Spencer’s email and said, “I’ll send you the document with my notes for Saturday.” 

The next morning Spencer woke up to find an email from _y/n_ with a seven page document of well planned notes. At the top of the first page was a thesis statement that Spencer wanted to study right away, but decided to wait until he could procure some coffee. Twenty minutes later the agent was at a coffee shop, a five minute walk away from the hotel with this computer open, coffee in hand, ready to make notes on the document. Garcia had not called him last night and he assumed that she had stayed up all night and was currently sleeping off the late night gaming. After an hour Spencer had gotten his caffeine fix and added some notes to _y/n’s_ panel discussion. Spencer considered email that he had made some changes, but was cut off when he realized that a panel he wanted to see was starting in twenty minutes. He quickly closed his laptop and made a mental note to email _y/n_ by the evening. 

Before Reid knew it the day was almost over. Whenever he was at a convention time seemed to slip away from him. He was currently sitting with Garcia, who had woken up at 2:00 P.M., in a panel hosted by Duke Lancelot of Camelot. The older man was giving tips on the best shortcuts to getting a high ranking in World of Warcraft. The panel had started at 8:30 P.M. and had been going on for about ten minutes and people were slowly trickling in. After another ten minutes there was only room to stand and sit at the back of the room. The door opened one more time and Penelope turned and saw _y/n_ walk in and take a seat at the back of the room. She was wearing her Mr. Spock cosplay. She apparently knew a few people already seated and she was quietly talking to them. Garcia looked over to Reid, who was zoning out of the discussion. She elbowed him again and leaned over and whispered. “Hey Spence, you’re favorite cosplayer is here. At least she has good taste.” Spencer looked confused and Garcia jerked her head in _y/n’s_ direction. Spencer turned to see _y/n_. At the same time he did this FriendlyFighter looked up and saw him looking at her. The cosplayer raised her hand slightly and waved at the agents. After the panel was over the duo walked out of the room. _Y/n_ was leaning against the wall and when she saw them she walked toward the pair. She smiled at both of them and said, “Hey, are you having a good time so far?” Garcia quickly replied, “Absolutely. I’ve been so excited for this panel, and it was worth coming up here for it.” _Y/n_ smiled and said, “The Duke is a pretty cool dude. Have you had a good time?” Spencer smiled back and said, “Yes, it’s been very fun. I actually have a few notes for you. I can email them back to you, but it might be easier to explain them if I could do it in person?” _Y/n_ nodded and said, “I think that would be useful. I need to do some last minute costume alterations and ironing, could you possibly come over to my room in an hour? I’ve got a photo shoot in ten minutes, but I’ll be free after then.” Spencer’s cheeks flushed and said he stuttered out, “Uh, yeah of course.” The man was panicking and added on, “Can Penelope come too?” _Y/n_ looked disappointed for a microsecond and then replied, “Sure thing. I’m at the hotel across the street. Room #301. See you two in an hour. Sorry I’ve gotta run, I look forward to it.” With that the cosplayer dashed down the hallway. Once she was out of earshot Garcia grabbed onto his shoulder and almost screamed, “Why would you invite me to the room with you! Reid this was a great chance for you to meet someone new. Someone who seems to be into you, shares the same interests as you.” Spencer was blushing now and said, “Well I realized that and panicked. Sorry I don’t want to make it weird.” Penelope shrugged her shoulders, understanding that Spencer’s social skills were not the greatest. She replied, “Hey I get it Spence. I’ll come with you for a little bit, but I’m going to have to dip after a while. The Duke is going to be playing World of Warcraft live and I’m not missing that for anything. 

An hour later the agents walked up to room #301. Spencer knocked on the door and heard the response, “One second.” After five seconds the door swung open and _y/n_ stood in a long sleeved shirt and shorts. Her _h/c_ hair was pulled back with a headband. She stepped beside the door and said, “Please come in and make yourselves comfortable.” Once Spencer and Reid were in the room she closed the door and pulled out the chair from the desk for one of her guests to sit in. She continued saying, “Feel free to sit on the bed, I don’t mind.” At the offer Penelope made a beeline for the bed and sat down falling back and sighing deeply. At seeing this _y/n_ laughed and said, “I feel you Penelope. I love a con, but it’s killer on the feet.” Garcia laughed and replied, “Talk about it, I must have walked ten miles alone today.” While this conversation had been happening Spencer took a seat at the desk and pulled out his computer. He looked over to _y/n_and said, “If you give me a second I can pull up my notes, if that’s cool with you.” _Y/n_ nodded and said, ``That sounds awesome.” As Spencer booted up his computer the cosplayer walked back to the iron draped in a black robe. She picked up the steaming device and looked down pressing the seams of the fabric to create a crisp seam. Garcia was looking around the room and her eye’s caught sight of the three light sabers in the room and had to ask, “Um, _y/n_, I’ve always wanted to get a light saber. Could I test your’s out? I promise I’ll be gentle.” The cosplayer laughed again and looked up to Penelope saying, “Well they're not all mine. It was my job to be the pack horse for my group in terms of the light sabers. The trisaber is mine and you are absolutely free to try it out. Press the top button to turn on the light and the bottom button for sound effects.’ Garcia giddily got up and cautiously held the replica of Kylo Ren’s trisaber. She pressed both buttons. She swung it around carefully. Spencer turned to look at his friend being a child , and then turned to _y/n_ saying, “I’ve got my comments pulled up, if your ready.” _Y/n_ turned from Garcia’s enthusiasm to Spencer's down to earth manner. She turned off the iron and was about to sit down on the ground, but before she could Spencer stood and said, “Please take the chair.” The cosplayer smiled and said, “Thanks.” Penelope quieted down and returned to the bed. She silently watched Reid interact with the other woman. It was so rare to see him with someone else that was not the team. It made Penelope's heart glad. 

The two nerds were on paragraph three and _y/n_ was saying, “So do you think that my analogy between Ben and Rey and Romeo and Juliet is too cliche?” Spencer replied, “No not at all. But I do think that you need to specifically pin down how their relationship is considered in the genre of star crossed lovers.” _Y/n_ got up from her seat and reached into a suitcase and pulled out her copy of Romeo and Juliet. As she opened the first page she said, “I need to find a scene that will give supporting evidence to the claim.” Before the girl could even turn to the second page Reid had said, “Act 3 scene one page 6.” Before Reid could quote it to her, the cosplayer said, “Get thee to a nunnery, go. Farewell. Or, if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool, for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go, and quickly too. Farewell.” Reid nodded and the woman in shorts said, “That’s perfect, It would totally parallel when Ben and Rey see each other through their dyad bond in The Last Jedi.” Reid agreed with the assertion. Before the pair could spring into the next paragraph Penelope got up from the bed and said, “Alright team. It sounds like you’ve done some good work, but from what I hear from Spencer you have at least another hour of work to do; and I have a panel to get too. So I’m going to boogie out of here and leave you to work.” Spencer and _y/n_ turned, almost forgetting that Garcia was in the room. Spencer took his arm off the back of _y/n’s_ chair and stood up straight. _Y/n_ got out of the chair and held out her arms and said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m a hugger.” Penelope leaned into the woman's arms and said, “I hope you know you’re really cool.” _Y/n_ smiled at the complement and opened the door for Garcia, after the blond agent assured Spencer that she did not need to be walked over to the convention center. Once Penelope had left _y/n_ looked to Spencer and said, “You’re girlfriend, partner, wife, is really cool.” The cosplayer didn’t know Reid’s relationship to the other agent, and she didn’t want to assume anything. She looked up to Spencer who’s cheek’s were redder than before. He said, “Penelope’s just a friend from work. We’re not together.” Now it was _y/n’s_ turn to blush and she cleared her throat before saying, “Oh, um, sorry for assuming. I just thought..” Spencer released a breath and then replied, “So you want to get back to work?” At the last page of notes the panelist put her hands over her eyes and said, “Could I take a quick break. Looking at a screen for so long makes my head hurt.” Spencer replied, “Of course.” The young woman stood up and moved over to the bed and lay back on it, like Garcia had done an hour earlier. Spencer, who thought that being alone in a room with _y/n_ would be very uncomfortable, was finding the sound of her breathing very comforting. The man looked around the room and stared wistfully at the light saber Garcia had banished earlier. _Y/n_ noticed the direction of his glance and said, “You can try it out too if you want.” Spencer got up and inspected the light saber. After examining it closely for a minute the man said, “This is so accurate to the real prop. Did you make it yourself?” The girl on the bed smiled and replied, “I’d give most of the credit to my grandfather. I’m not very good with electronics.” After Reid had swung the object around for a few minutes he set it down. The man looked to the computer and the last page of the document. The cosplayer looked at the screen and blinked a few times before hesitantly asking, “Would you mind if you brought the computer over to the bed, and we finished it here.” The women moved over the bed to make room for Spencer. The blush was back on Reid’s face as the man grabbed the computer and sat down on the bed. It only took five minutes to finish the last page and Reid wasn’t sure how, or what to do next. Thankfully _y/n_ sat up and said, “Thank’s Spencer. I’m sure this job doesn’t seem very important, but my joy comes from talking to people as characters that I like, and I want to make the most of my fans happy as possible. My other job is a dead end, and at least here I can live a little. I owe you for this one.” Reid smiled and said, “I think you make a lot of people happy with this work. You make me happy.” The last sentence came out unintentionally but it made _y/n_ happy to hear. She got up and plugged the iron back in and looked back at Spencer on the bed and said, “You can hang here as long as you want. Just be prepared for me to curse at my inept ability to sew.” Reid ended up staying another thirty minutes helping the woman hold onto loose fabric that couldn’t be reigned in by the iron. When he left her room she had said goodnight, and he was shocked that there was no hint of awkwardness around them. It was a new sensation for him. She had even asked him and Penelope to come backstage before she went to her panel, she offered to get him the best seats in the room if he wanted. 

The next day arrived and Spencer accompanied Garcia to her photo op with the Duke and they both watched one of the cosplay competitions that _y/n_ was judging. The award had gone to a younger cosplayer that had accurately recreated a costume from Hamilton. In the next hour Spencer and Garcia were standing at the lobby of the hotel when FriendlyFighter approached them in her Kylo Ren costume, sans mask. She smiled when she saw them and said, “I’m happy you want to come backstage. It’s pretty boring, but something that not every con goer gets to see.” The group crossed the street and the panelist checked her guests backstage. When behind the curtain she pointed to two chairs in front of the room that were marked as ‘reserved.’ When it was ten minutes to the panel _y/n_ turned to Spencer and said, “How would you like me to credit you for your contributions to the panel?” The male agent replied, “You can just say that a friend looked it over.” Reid said this to both conceal his identity, and because he was just happy to help a friend out. The cosplayer was struggling to put her helmet on, plus hold her notes and light saber when Spencer offered to put the helmet on for her. _Y/n_ handed the agent the helmet and Spencer placed it over her head. Just as the FBI duo was about to walk to their reserved seats Penelope’s phone went off. The agent picked up and her appearance suddenly looked very seriously. The other two nerds looked her way when she said, “Yes Sir. We’ll catch a flight right away. Yes of course, I’ll tell Reid.” When Penelope hung up Spencer looked over to her and asked, “New case?” Garcia nodded and said, “In rural Ohio. We need to go right away.” Spencer nodded and turned to _y/n_ who was looking concerned for both of her new friends. Reid said, “I’m sorry, we have to go for work. It was really fun meeting you. Have a great rest of your convention.” Before Reid could walk away the cosplayer grabbed a pen from a nearby table and took Spencer’s arm, scribbling her number on his arm. After doing so she said in a muffled voice, “Text me, stay safe out there.” She then turned and took a couple of deep breaths to calm her nerves. As Spencer and Garcia ran out of the backstage area they could both hear the Imperial March playing over the ballroom speakers, The panel was beginning. 

It wasn’t until the con going agents were in the jet with the rest of the team that Penelope asked Spencer the question that had been on her mind for an hour. The team had made an emergency landing to pick up Spencer and Garcia from the Pennsylvania airstrip. Garcia snapped back to the present and asked, “Are you going to text her?” Spencer’s eyes snapped to hers. He bit his lip and said, “We’re going to find a serial killer that targets people _y/n’s_ age. How can I text her when my job is to find monsters lurking among us?” Penelope looked sad and replied, “And what are you going to do when we get him Spence? Who are you going to go home to and relax with, because I sure as hell know you’re not relaxing in your apartment when you come home after cases like these.” Penelope left the question open as she stood up and sat next to J.J. After another ten minutes Spencer pulled out his personal phone typed in _y/n’s_  number. The ink from her writing still faintly showing on his arm. He texted, “Hey, it’s Spencer Reid. Sorry I had to run earlier today. I hope that I can see you again soon under less stressful circumstances for both of us.” After Reid hit send he relaxed back into his chair. It wasn’t until after the panel, that had been a roaring success that _y/n_ saw the text from Spencer. The cosplayer pulled off her right glove so she could text back, “Sounds good. Stay safe and let me know when it’s convenient to plan a get together. I’m giving a panel on The Lord of The Rings and I need my resident expert to give me notes while I plan my speech.”C

_________________________________________

Shakespeare, William, and Anne Collins. Romeo and Juliet. Pearson Education Limited, 2017.

[chemicalarospec]

Genuinely Don’t Say Anything Interesting Here But I Like Talking So Thus I’m Posting This

okay I did like nothing productive today but have a ramble on youtube fanbases, specifically the new gen of mcyt. This was two posts and then I made it one so sorry when I repeat myself. I did edit it tho lol. But that means I also inserted more, so this is just all over the place now. 

me from the future: oh god. all over the place. wait wtf this is so long. I don’t even have much to say I just like writing the same sentence three different ways and refusing to cut any of them. I’m sorry; I don’t know how to edit; this is informal AF. (can I use three semicolons? at least one of those is wrong anyways lol.)

edit: I’m so sorry I forgot about having a “read more” last night laksjdflksjad. Also idk if I even agree with myself lmao.

it’s so funny how mcyt is like The Thing now. It’s not cool to like it anymore lol, cuz everybody does. (This is a me thing. I like being special lol. I also self-define “cool” so you should not take it to heart when I say it’s not cool.)

I mean, just thinking about the Dream SMP as something I *do* want to get into, it doesn’t feel like “our thing” -- it’s has the feel of a HUGE fandom. Seriously, I’m in the phandom, which ngl has been dead since 2018, and the fanbase for the SMP has a much different, bigger feel. Idk what i’m getting at, it feels imposing? looking at the Dream SMP fandom seems similar in scope and slightly in atmosphere to pre-2019 phandom, at least to me, and it’s actually making me grateful that I joined now and not all that time ago.

Also I brought up the “our thing” bit because of the mcr post that goes “funny how MCR seems like our little secret and the biggest thing in the world at the same time” and I kinda thought that was just how all fandoms worked? idk I was going to assert that the truth is different but I thought some more and now I’m not sure.

but yeah I like the “our little secret” feel and somehow the phandom has (re)gained that while technoblade (and the new gen of mcyt as a whole) is loosing it.

I mean, I’ve been watching Technoblade since the bedwars winstreak. He had less than a millions subs but most people I brought him up to actually did know who he was. He was big but he wasn’t *famous* -- we all knew about him and we all cared. Like the only person who knew who he was and didn’t care had a little brother(s?) that loved him (wait why is this all in past tense this is all still true). (Yes AFC this has become a callout post for you mocking techno lol.) (If you’re still reading my miNeCRaFT yOuTuBeR fAnBaSe MEta. cringe culture is dead tho; I don’t have to say it like that.) 

Anyways, I didn’t follow Technoblade’s Dream SMP streams and now I feel like I’d just be tagging along if I did get into it. (also didn’t watch SMP Earth lol.) This is because I’m a gate-keeping jerk. Or hate missing out. One of those two things. 

(awkward transition where I don’t know how to make my tangent meaningful and have to make it back to the original train of thought I violently interrupted)

As a long time Techno fan, I’m really proud of the growth he’s experiencing, but a little sad too as the community is being -- well, I don’t want to say “infiltrated,” as I don’t want to shade anyone who was simply late to the party -- perhaps diluted? overwhelmed? yeah, overwhelmed by newer fans, and becoming “unmanageable” in a sense; it feels like we’ve lost a bit of our sense of community with the influx of new fans -- no shade to any new fans! This is just the way fandoms work. When the crowd is larger, it becomes harder recognize each member as a person, even if everything else is the same. (”The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic.”) (look this is how my brain works deal with it)

I just really like this small community feel, and it’s a bit daunting looking at the smp fandom. 

Also the growth Dream experienced this year is genuinely ludicrous. I mean, the wide appeal of shipping is part of it, not going to beat around that bush, but there’s just so much and I wanna read an essay from a long-time fan who saw it on why he’s got so much growth. 

I really hate to shame fans and stuff, but part of it, at least for me, is that most of these new fans probably aren’t “minecrafters” like we were. I doubt the majority of them grew up on Stampy, DanTDM, and whatever the other ones I didn’t watch were. I mean, some of this is because Child. For them, the distinction is really pre-quarantine post-quarantine i guess? Really, whether they played Minecraft or not. Again, I know it’s bad to shame fans, but apparently I’m just a terrible person and I feel like it’s more shallow or disingenuous to get into MCYT when it’s popular without already being into Minecraft. 

WAIT that’s it -- Minecraft community, as a whole, is special. It’s a LARGE umbrella of fandoms in general, but that’s the thing: they’re all more communities than fandoms -- from the casual builders to the pro parkour players to those who watched the og youtubers to those who followed the Great Potato War, there was Minecraft Culture. 

And the expanded fandom that’s sprung up around the Dream SMP and possibly Dream in general (???) is more of fandom. It feels like a fandom. People treat it like a fandom, they talk about it in fandom spaces, it is fandom, a modern fandom. Not a quaint “little” Minecraft community. 

I’m not going to say it’s because of the shipping, but... I have no data but at least I can say that it certainly creates an appeal for Fandom People as opposed to Minecraft People. And then also it’s just a fandom thing so it makes the space more fandom. 

Also I realized this is all based upon a feeling, so where did the feeling come from? I was reading in-fandom texts a lot today, and I think the storyline actually might have something to do with it. Also maybe the “talking behind their backs”? I can’t be bothered to remember what I’m comparing to what at this point but that’s definitely done in a lot of other spaces I’m in, so idk.

OH FRICK I’ve mostly been *in* the fandom spaces for real things lmao. (Read: I’m 100% making up everything at this point.) 

(awkward transition because I inserted the last two paragraphs later on)

And really, I played minecraft today for the first time in months. But it’s still with me, you know? The memories of being introduced to it, growing up with it. Going to the Nether with my cousins, my uncle’s giant survival mode cathedral. Mojang being bought by Microsoft and everybody hating it. (... me, my brother, my two friends, essentially... how did we even know??)

[I had part about the minecraft.net writers here but it was completely unrelated so it became it’s own post. I should do that more.]

(With every sentence the target audience of this post gets smaller.)

What was I saying? I’ll just wrap up. 

TL;DR: Dream SMP fandom feels like a fandom and not a Minecraft community and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I’ve realized I prefer a community feel, which makes me grateful I joined the phandom now. Also I shouldn’t be allowed to post things past 9:00pm. 

Oh my god I’m so sorry to all my mutrals. My tired loquacious reflex has kicked in. This is essentially a dan and phil stan blog, and though I know a few of you know what I’m going on about, I’m so sorry to the rest of you. 

Well, at least *I* think I’m a fascinating person with interesting things to say hahahahha. 

This is like a diary post. Should I post this? Yeah, other people should share my thoughts lol. OH NO: Late-night Tumblr fandom ramble posts are the new social-justice tirade/generally useless blog-like Goodreads reviews. At least it’s what Tumblr’s made for :P.