#i am NOT trying to become underweight again

[theygender]

As an afab nonbinary butch who's trying to gain muscle without losing weight the sexism in the exercise industry makes me fucking see red. Just found an exercise program that boasts being entirely based in science and has the sources to prove it with well-controlled, recent, and relevant clinical studies backing up all of their stuff and as someone who's pretty well-versed in scientific research and fed up with fad-based pseudoscientific bullshit in the health industry I was fucking ecstatic. They had a little quiz you could take to find out which program would suit your needs the best so I filled it out and when it asked me about my goals I selected "I have a low amount of body fat and want to build more muscle" and it took me to a program called Strong. Great! ...Except as I read into it I kept finding references to "burning stubborn fat" and other similar shit. Scrolled down to the FAQ and found a question where it explained that this program was different from their Build program bc Build is "better suited for those who are skinny and at a relatively low body fat" ...even though that's exactly the option I selected in the quiz. Turns out they have three options for males: one for people who want to lose weight without focusing too much on muscle mass, one for people who want to become leaner by focusing on both weight loss and muscle mass, and one for people who want to gain muscle mass without losing weight (Build). But for females, they've only got two options, and neither one of them are designed to help you gain muscle mass without losing weight. I would ask why tf it's ALWAYS assumed that women have to want to lose weight but I know it's fucking sexism

[growandrecover]

hey!! I’m in ed recovery but what do I do if I don’t think I’m “bad” enough to recover?? I don’t think I was ever clinically underweight so can I even identify with the ana (or, recovering ana) label? I feel like I can’t recover until I’m properly validated as sick. do u have any tips on how to combat this feeling? tysm, I love ur blog!

Hey! Thanks for the ask <3 I know exactly how you feel. Yes, being underweight is a symptom of anorexia (a *big* one, for whatever reason), but the way I think about it, if a fat person was anorexic, they may not "technically" qualify, but that doesn't make them any less anorexic. You don't need to be underweight to be an ana (although some of them may tell you otherwise, do not listen to them. So many anas are in a very unhealthy headspace where they tell people they need to be sicker, which is frankly not true.) If you feel like/know you are anorexic, you are sick enough to recover. Why? Because if you didn't feel that way, there would be nothing to recover from.

Let me say this to you really quick: You are valid in your disorder. You are sick enough. I'm sure you've heard this before, but people who aren't sick don't think the way we do in terms of needing to feel "sick enough" in order to heal. This is another way our disorders trap us in this endless cycle of harmful behaviors. We convince ourselves we're not sick enough, and we only get worse in the process, which doesn't do any good.

To help with those thoughts, you could write them down whenever one pops into your head. For me personally, when I see my thoughts written down, they become more real. So if I see "I'm not sick enough" written down in front of me, there's a high chance I'll go, "woah, why would I ever think that?". I know everyone is different, so you may need to try something else.

You could talk to someone if you're able to (if you can't get a therapist, try talking to someone who doesn't have an ed because their point of view is so different *only if you know they'll be supportive and won't just tell you to eat*). I say get a person without an ed because I remember telling my younger sibling about certain things having to do with my ed, and they'd always think it was so odd. To them, rules around food are ridiculous. Hearing them say "you want to look like them?" or "I'm eating the same thing, and I'm okay." is so reassuring because it seems so well intentioned and wholesome. They've always encouraged me to eat, especially the foods they know I love. Their point of view always puts my ed related problems into perspective because they have a healthy relationship with food.

If you don't want to do that, you could always just try affirming yourself. Any time your ed voice is really getting to you, you could try saying, "I am sick enough. This particular thing is bothering me so much because I'm sick. Xyz wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have an ed." If you don't believe that right now, that's okay. Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it.

And one last time, just for good measure: You are sick enough. If you weren't, you wouldn't be worried about it. You can do this, I know you can. You're strong, and you can beat this disorder.

I wish you nothing but success and happiness in recovery, love. Have a great day/night ♡ And feel free to reach out again if you need to talk!

[probablyjustamagpie]

a letter I’ll never send-

Hey [Redacted].

I wore out those black jeans today. They don’t fit over my hips anymore. I stopped weighing myself ages ago- but I’m a good twenty heavier than the last time I saw you. I cried, like, a lot over it. It’s a hard transition for some reason, but I’m happier than I’ve been in a long while, at least most of the time.

Y’know you were good to me in a lot of ways. You took an interest in my interests - you were the only partner I felt I could show my real gender too (I still remember you calling me your big strong man, calling me he when no one else would’ve dared, and that was euphoria there, the genuine joy of nblnb) - you cared about my pain, even. But at the end of the day it always came back to you. Your problems your interests your damage. I could never be big around you because you had to be bigger. If I was in pain you had to be the knight in shining armor - even when I didn’t need help. Even literally, you wanted to whittle me away like your anorexia had done to you, and for your information 120 wasn’t me being heavy, it was me being underweight and sick, even if I was “the heaviest girl you ever dated”. I wonder often what you would think of me now. I chopped my hair, pierced my nose and got four more in my ears - I picked up sailing again (I remember wanting to cry on the way to your house, knowing my friends were out there in the wind and waves), I even got a tattoo, to remind myself how far I’ve come. I gave up trying to be smaller in every way to fit someone else’s ideal. You taught me what to look out for - that’s one thing you were good for. Becoming an example of what to avoid. I pity you, nowadays, rather that idolize. You were - and I bet still are - a flawed, flawed person. You hurt me in ways nobody has ever hurt me before - you abused me, degraded me, sexualized my existence and tried to force me into place, below you, always below you. I could never have space for my own wishes, wants, desires. I resented you. I still do. I hate what you did to me, hate what you made of me, the way you carved away my innocence and made me both terrified and feral, rending peace from my soul and plunging me into a raging sea of fear. I’m still clawing my way out of the niche you created for me to live in. I know I am braver, stronger, and kinder than you will ever be. I am not perfect, but I am not the damaged goods you made of me.

Yeah, it’s hard. You haunt the hallways of my brain, whispering insults and trying to drown out my own voice in the hard moments. We had beautiful moments together, yknow? And maybe sometimes I miss it - but I don’t miss you. I miss the flea market, and the peace of nature walks, and lying in a hammock under the stars, but I don’t miss the ugly ball of shame and anxiety every time you dragged me into your room, the fear I felt when I entered your house and heard your awful mother begin to yell. The horror in my heart when your hands began to wander. Vividly I recall the darkness of your room that night I had the bad high. When you laid me on your bed and I felt like a child who needed to flee and you kissed me and I said no, and you sucked my neck as I pushed you off, bleary and uncoordinated as I tried to escape but couldn’t quite stay awake or aware and you suffocated me with kisses. The hands around my neck all those times you fucked me, hands over my mouth as my lungs screamed to say no. I didn’t have a choice. I’d seen your rages, the horrible fits you would throw, the tantrums I’d soothed many times over as you begged me not to leave, to love you, to do ask you asked of me. I was terrified. I covered the hickeys with concealer in your bathroom.

I still get scared I’ll see you at the cardiologist. When I’m at our old school, visiting my friends, I worry I’ll see you - but I know you have nothing left there. Because you weren’t a good person. And people knew that. It’s no wonder you had no friends - you were a black hole of self righteousness and rage, and you pulled the light right out of the room.

It shouldn’t have taken that many no’s for you to stop, you know. That’s assault too. Cooney held me as I cried last time I was at the theater because the echo of fear lingered, haunting that stairwell when you dragged me away from my friends and my responsibilities because you wanted a quick fuck. I hated you. I hated how everyone saw me because no wasn’t an answer I could give.

And we had our beautiful moments. We had our fun. But I’d trade it in a heartbeat for someone who never treated me the way you did. There is more to life than sex. There is more to life than grades and self-flagellation. You’re not the center of the cosmos, you are not some genius send to earth by God, you were a broken boy who refused to heal and chose to take it out on others who never asked for it. I wasn’t a perfect partner - I wanted to hurt you, there in the end, I wanted you to feel every ounce of shame and pain and anxiety you caused me, so of course I told you I’d take another man over you if he showed any interest. It didn’t even have to be true. I just wanted you to feel a fraction of the hell you caused me. I wanted you to understand how terrible you made me feel, how totally you had ruined my life.

But you’ll get your dues in the end. You’ll cause your own downfall - I’m sure of it. Maybe someday, you’ll be in a dead end job you hate and have to write an article about me living the dream and discovering dinosaurs. And you’ll realize you’re only worth what you work for and what you’ve earned - not what you believe you deserve because the gods dealt you a shitty hand. The world does not owe you anything for the abuse. It owes me nothing for the pain I’ll never escape or the trauma I’ve gained. It’s not about owing at all. I put good out into the universe, and hope maybe someone else will have a better day for it, and that makes me feel full and satisfied . You put others down to build yourself up, and someday that’s how you’ll starve yourself of anything real and good and true in the world. But maybe you’d want that. As for me, I’ll grow fat and happy and wear out my jeans, and I’ll thrive on love and laughter and genuine connection; and maybe, you’ll get the body of your dreams. A skeleton: rotted, cold and alone, not even an ounce of fat left on your bones.

Good bye and good riddance, [Redacted]. May our paths never cross. Go to therapy, stay single. Eat more food - this time, with your mouth closed.

- Moonlight

[awesomefringey]

Am I being too skeptical or Louis is getting too thin since he started his tour? I mean he looks too slim now. Boney even. Had he always been this thin?

I think you’re being too skeptical. Louis is living his best life and he keeps telling us over and over again. So if Louis has lost a few pounds along the way it’s because of months of traveling, doing press, performing, a messed up sleeping schedule which will take a toll on anyone. Yet Louis appears to be very happy.

Louis is skinny by nature, and I believe he’s one to forget about eating when under huge stress, maybe compensating hunger with a cigarette here and there (been there done that), but he’s far from being underweight and looking unhealthy. The vibes are so different to back in 2014 and 2016, when I believe he was skinnier than usual.

By the end of 2014, I think Louis was going through a very stressful phase. Around the time Louis and Harry tried to fight the bullshit a lot (“not that important”, “don’t knock it til you try it”, asked about odd rumors, not mentioning Larry, out of breath coming on late to a live show because of a little bit of banter), Zayn looked scarily unhealthy, so there must have been hell going on BTS and then of course the ‘Apple rainbow logo incident’ which ended in the ominous tweet where Louis told the world once and for all he is ‘in fact straight’. He definitely looked very fragile, his cheeks were hollow, he was very pale (ok it was November but still, this is our Golden boy):

Louis’ cheekbones become extremely prominent when he’s losing weight. But here he looks mentally drained too.

Another example is the awful time around his mother’s death at the end of 2016:

Again, hollow cheeks and just in general very low energy understandably so.

Nowadays I don’t see him heading into any health issues at all and if he’s been losing weight it’s due to the “good stress” that he’s experiencing right now. He looks so happy, he’s glowing, he looks tired at times sure but overall well put together.

Not sure if I was able to take your worries away. But this is how I see it. 💜

[donniesexceptionalmind]

hi. a bit ago, when i first opened up, you mentioned that you and mikey were very shocked and upset. was the ask really that upsetting? most of the things i described have been normal for me for a very long time, and it’s weird to think that others find it a serious issue. is how i am treated, really that bad?

i think i’m starting to get that it isn’t the greatest, but is it bad? i feel i would describe it as uncomfortable, or inconvenient, but i guess i’m unsure, now that you’ve outlined how damaging it can be. am i really being hurt that badly when i am treated this way?

if you or any of your brothers ever wanted to write me directly, i think i’d be ok with that. i get not wanting to guess wrong though. i think if i was in your situation, i would be afraid of getting it wrong to.

since you’ve been giving out good advice so far, i’d like to ask if you have any advice regarding eating struggles? i can’t find the motivation to eat, a lot of the time. i’m trying to eat more, as i am kind of underweight right now, but it’s hard. when i think about having to stomach strong flavors, or feel the food bits, i end up panicking, and not eating anything at all.

i’m not sure how much accommodation i really have the right to ask for, but thank you for being encouraging anyway. i’m still very nervous about it, but i’ve decided to try stimming around my mother more, in an effort to desensitize her to it. i don’t think i would’ve been brave enough to try this without your help and encouragement, so once again, thank you. i don’t know how to emphasize the level of gratefulness i’m feeling right now, but hopefully you can tell that i really mean it.-G

Sighs.

These things have been normal for me for a long time too. That's why I got upset. It was not because of these things being weird, it was because...

Because...

Sighs again.

You reminded me of my own childhood. Of the little broken Donatello. But that shouldn't be discussed here. Ahem.

The way you are treated IS an issue. What you have told me has lead me to this conclusion: It has become such a big issue, that it has made its print on your mental health, your self-image & the way you look at things /g.

You are not happy the way your life is now (?).

If that isn't proof enough that is is an issue? /g /nm

Tips for struggles with eating:

Find your samefoods: foods that you like to eat, that are easy for you to eat & don't need much time to make - for me it's crackers & Mikey's pudding & pizza - when you feel like you can't eat anything, these are the ones you pursue. Nutrition is vital!

Reminders. Alarms. Anything, that tells you "Hey, eat!" - I have an issue with hydration & that's the only way to get myself at least partly hydrated

Don't pressure yourself to eat something you know you can't get down - avoidance is okay!

It doesn't matter if you eat just the same thing over & over (despite what someone says) (we're avoiding the variation issue here)

Have something to snack always in arm's reach

Favor many small portions a day instead of few big meals

I have struggled with a restrictive eating disorder, I KNOW how it feels to not be able to eat.

I hope you find your best solution.

[keisrandomvlog124]

a woman and her youth

I am 7, sitting in front of my pink and gold nightstand, mom is yelling at me to go back to sleep, I read a little bit and go to bed late. 

i am 8, sitting at my kitchen table. My mother just spent the evening yelling at me because the kids in my class are stealing my pens and colors. I don't enjoy school anymore. 

i am 9, spending my summer alone in my home cause i have no friends, i try to read but i fall asleep as soon as my hand touches the paper

I am 10, crying myself to sleep because the boys in my class started comparing my underdeveloped  body to a 17 year old and demanding it will never be good enough.

I am 10, being groped by my closest boy friends because “relax it's just a joke”. I develop insomnia.

I am 10, I get punished for beating up one of my friends cause he touched my ass. 

I am 10, my boy friends only talk about porn and how disgusting girls our age look because we don't have breasts nor ass just like the supermodels they see in the playboy online. I stopped reading.

I am 11, i get called a slut and a pussy because i'm not entertaining the males in my classroom, i start hating myself. 

I am 11, my classmates masturbate in class while

I am forced to sit next to them. I have no interest in school anymore. 

I am 11, I get body shamed once again, since my preeteen body will never be good enough. 

I am 11, I have my period, I am a woman now. but still not even a teenager.

I am 12, starting highschool alongside my friends. I try to read but i can't. 

I am 12, being berated by my teachers and classmates because I will never be good enough.

I am 12, lockdown starts, I become closer with my male friends thinking they have finally matured. I don't have a care in the world.

I am 12, I gain weight and hide my body in hopes that no one will notice, I start feeling bad about it.

I am 12, mom thinks i look like a slut because my old pants don't fit me as loose as they used to. I try reading but I can't. 

I am 12, hiding myself in baggy clothes and internet media to distract myself from the humiliating thoughts I have about myself. 

I am 13, I cut my hair short, like really short. Boys dont like me anymore. 

I am 13, drinking and smoking starts becoming a recurrent hobbie. I haven't read a book in months.

I am 13, my male friends start hating my appearance. I start hating myself again.

I am 13,  my classmates begin making fun of me again. I will never understand why. 

i am 13, i am quiet in class, i don't make noise, even when i go cry in the bathrooms. I start hurting myself. 

I am 13, ending my life stops being a recurrent thought in my mind until my friends begs me to do it. I don't want to go to school anymore. 

I am 13, my obese friend calls me a whale, a slut, an emo, a bitch and an ugly whore. I stop going out. 

I am 13, getting teared down while attempting to play videogames. I stop playing them. 

I am 13, I get cheated on. I start finding comfort in  being sad.

I am 14, my insomnia gets worse, I start getting picked on again. now by my female friends. I start noticing my unattractive features. 

I am 14, everyone makes sure I notice how big and dark my eyebags are. I know, I couldn't sleep for days.

I am 14, I lose interest in everything, I don't wanna go to class, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to eat.

I am 14, I start losing weight, I still don't feel good about myself. My teachers start noticing my insomnia. 

I am 14, i get called anorexic, i'm not even underweight. I still have the desire to eat less. 

I am 14, everyone still makes fun of my insecurities. i start wearing more makeup. 

I am 14, i stop trying to be a natural makeup girl. I can't leave the house without makeup.

I am 14. I start hating every ounce of my body. I am unable to feel comfortable.

I am 15, I start getting better, I accept everything. I still hate myself. 

I am 15, I convince everyone I'm better. I still have insomnia. 

I am 15, i keep hurting myself, i convince everyone i don't. 

I am 15, I start drinking more and more. My teacher begs me to read. I can't. 

I am 15, I keep getting skinnier and “prettier”. it will never be enough. 

I am 15, my eyebags and sick face are still the only matter of conversation with me. I have slept for hours. 

I am 15, my friend picks apart the defects of my face like she’s playing operation. 

I am 15, i have several suicide attempts. i don't think about it as much as i used to.

I am 15, i don't know anything anymore. i don't care. 

I am 10.

I am 11.

I am 12.

I am 13.

I am 14.

I am 15. 

I will never be good enough. 

I am a woman.

[herohikara-wol]

FFXIV Write 2k23 - Day 19

Weal - Emperor AU

“You have weekly medicus appointments. You’re not even over two hundred.” Emet-Selch had been haunting the palace, usually Hero’s office, specifically the comfy couch in the corner. He loved to lay on the plush red cushions and close his eyes as if napping the afternoon away. “What kind of medical condition could you possibly have at your age?”

“I’m underweight.” Hero tapped his quill as he read slowly through the proposal at his desk, Garlean wasn’t exactly his first language and his echo only worked on spoken word. Asahi had been teaching him Garlean since the week he was crowned and Hero was still struggling with anything more than a child’s grasp of the written language.

“Underweight?” Hero didn’t see Emet’s eyes snap open. He heard the man’s heavy coat move and the couch groan as the weight on it shifted about, but he was too busy trying to focus to look up. “Ah, I see. Your aether-”

“Yes, I know, I misuse it terribly. I skip meals and survive on magic. Sometimes I use it to skip sleep too but I’ve been so much more tired since becoming Emperor that I try to get at least four bells a night.”

“Four.” Emet-Selch’s nose wrinkled as he recalled his own son’s inability to care for himself, he’d force Erichtonios and Themis to take breaks, make them elaborate meals, and dote on them- but himself? It was like his son forgot he was a person with needs like any other. “How much did you sleep last night?”

Hero paused, noticing the crisp to the Ascian’s voice and trying to gauge what the best answer would be. “Hey, can you help me with something? I don’t know what this word means-”

“Answer the question, Hero.”

“Asahi is on vacation and I need someone to help me translate this proposal-”

“How. Many. Bells. Have. You. Slept. Hero.”

Hero’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he looked for literally anything interesting around the room to focus on and wound up searching the ceiling for cracks. “I didn’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t sleep last night. I couldn’t sleep so I snuck out my window and wandered around the greenhouse. None of my guards know I managed to escape because I spent the whole night seeing how many of them I could evade. I was restless, I wanted an adventure and that’s the closest I can get right now because everyone tries to keep me safe and protected and guarded and I hate it! I’m so bored! I’m not allowed to do anything or go anywhere because Varis is so worried someone will try to kill me and honestly? I’d prefer that! I’d rather fist-fight an assassin than die of boredom seeing the same six rooms and three hallways all the bloody time!”

Neither the Ascian or the Emperor had expected Hero to suddenly explode like that, it left both of them staring at each other. Watching the other as they processed Hero’s outburst. Finally Emet-Selch spoke, “I knew I’d be throwing you out of your element, I didn’t quite plan for you to go stir crazy from cabin fever.”

“Yeah well, at least part of your stupid fucking plan worked. I’m not wandering the world solving everyone’s problems and fighting gods for fun anymore now am I?”

“It backfired horribly, you actually took it seriously. I expected you to sell out the whole Empire to the Eorzean alliance, spark a war, go mad with power, or try to dissolve the entire thing leaving several nations worth of people destitute and floundering in a post-war society with no way to recover. You did absolutely none of those things and I’m still furious about it. How dare you be a genuinely decent person?”

“A decent person who can’t take decent care of himself.” Hero frowned and turned the quill between his fingers a few times before giving up and throwing it into a desk drawer. “I can’t focus on anything, I’m too- I don’t know how to describe it!”

“Wired. You’re wound up, you were never one for administration or paperwork.” He slipped again, mumbling under his breath as if the viera’s ears couldn’t pick up the fondness in his voice.

A million questions rushed through Hero’s mind: who was I to you, why do you speak like you know me, how familiar is my soul, who do you see when you look into my eyes? What actually came out of Hero’s mouth? “Yes, exactly. You get it.” Emet-Selch was fond of giving him information, but only when he wanted to. Prod too much and the Ascian would vanish to Twelve knows where and cause trouble for someone else. At least if he was nearby Hero knew he wasn’t hurting anybody.

“Mm, well first things first then. I’ll make a deal with you, if you agree to take a nap, I’ll find something fun for you to do.”

“Ah- no deal. I’m not letting you bully someone into summoning a primal just to give me an excuse to get out and go fight. I’ll find a way to entertain myself, thank you very much.”

“Pity. You may have defused Ala Mhigo for now, but Doma is still a powder keg that I could exploit to help you find an excuse to take a trip. Are you sure, Hero?”

“Positive. Behave Ascian, or I’ll amuse myself figuring out how to kill you instead.” 

Emet-Selch scoffed but instead of returning to lounge on the couch, he hovered over Hero’s shoulder. “At least allow me to read this for you, it’s only three pages and you’re barely half a paragraph in. I’d be insulted about being replaced by you if I hadn’t chosen you myself.”

“I suppose while Asahi’s away and Varis is doing his duties as High Legatus, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a different translator, as long as it keeps you out of trouble.” Hero chewed his bottom lip a bit and pulled the quill back out of the drawer.

“That is the one thing we have in common, Hero.” Emet snapped and replaced Hero’s chair with a soft comfortable bench the two could share. “I’m always causing trouble, all you can do is mitigate the effects.”

[gunther-the-poodle]

An introductory post!

Hello, my name is Rhiannon.

I have recently acquired a standard poodle I named Gunther. Gunther was born 8/11/21.

Gunther’s previous people got this dog from a questionable backyard breeder and weren’t really prepared for a poodle. After having him for a while they realized that not only did their current dogs hate him, but they weren’t able to provide for all of his needs. It became apparent that he would not be a good fit for that family. When a situation with one of the other dogs in the home became potentially dangerous I stepped in to take him.

I was (and am) a volunteer home for the German Shepherd Dog Rescue of Iowa (gsdri.org) and I work with animals. At the time I had a foster dog in my home that I had had for an extended period and I was open to another dog. I just didn’t realize it would be a poodle. Nor did I realize it would be a dog that I would potentially be keeping!

I have been open to adopting a ‘my dog’ for a while, but I’ve stuck with the fosters because I haven’t came across a dog that felt like mine yet. I work around dogs and volunteer with dogs and am getting into dog behavior classes, so I knew that eventually I would come across a dog that would end up mine. I had visions in my head for what I wanted in this potential dog, and was looking for a higher energy breed like a shepherd.

A poodle wasn’t really on my radar. BUT, I’ve decided to treat Gunther as a foster to adopt dog, we will see how this goes. We are working on our communication (SO different than the shepherds) and I am slowly learning how to adjust my expectations and wants for the dog I now have. This has been an abrupt change for both of us.

We’ve put a lot of work in in the last couple of months. He came to me the first week of June 2022. He was unaltered, not fully vaccinated, and had never been groomed. His second day with me he was at the clinic to get neutered and vaccinated. The woman who would become his groomer, Liz, took time out of her busy day to shave his face and feet while he was sleeping. We did his nails and plucked and cleaned his ears as he was waking up. The first few days as my dog were hard on this little guy! He was severely underweight, very scrawny, unsure of himself, and half blind because of the hair in his eyes before we shaved his face. His first actual groom happened and he did great! His hair was gross and came off in chunks of pelt, he had to be shaved to the skin. Things went much better than expected, but we had worked before hand on not being scared of grooming tools or that room. He now loves the groom room because that’s where he gets some high value treats, and love from the groomers.

It’s been about 3 months now. I’m still not sure about him. It has been a rough few months, partly because it’s been like two new starts. When he first got here, and again when his shepherd foster sister got adopted. He’s now an only dog for the first time in his life. It’s certainly easier for me, but was a transition for him.

We have had our first consultation with a trainer and will be starting a private class next week. Cherel will be training me, and hopefully Gunther will pick up some things. I really like her, and hopefully her confidence in Gunther will rub off on me!

I also know we are in for some future challenges. He has been diagnosed with entropion. That is a physical defect of the eyelid where it rolls in so the eyelashes rub on the eye. And he is showing signs of hip dysplasia. I am going to wait until he is at least 18 months old to fix the entropion as long as it doesn’t start to cause more serious issues, and we can take some X-rays of those hips at that time to figure out a game plan for that.

Because this situationship came about with a private family and not through a rescue I am putting my own money into this dog and am putting a lot more effort into him than I normally would a foster. I am trying to act like I am going to keep him. The option is always there to rehome, but I am trying to give him a fair shot. This guy has such a sweet personality I’m bound to get attached, right?

As a way to bond with this dog and hopefully connect with some poodley people and other dog community folks I have started an Instagram for him: @gunther_the_poodle. https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=14nus9ylbvw0g&utm_content=oqx2irk

This is another way for me to do that. I think maybe pictures and posts will help me connect with him. Or at least get some feelings out!

Pictures: 1.Before, this was actually a week or so before I took him in. He came to have play dates with Roxie, my foster shepherd. 2. First groom. Gross. 3. Yesterday. Sleeping off some mental stimulation after meeting a new person and working on learning a new word.

[tomyo]

Tonight's reflection is on how I tried to egg people on into caring about me. I was definitely raised to believe that asking for your needs was wrong and I bemoan 2014 so often because it has been the only point I felt like I was allowed the comfort I needed. It's hard to understand what made that change, was it getting older, changing friend groups, becoming less pretty (underweight), or did I really just fuck up that bad. Sometimes it feels like where I am now is the punishment for ever letting people take care of me in the first place. Maybe I just was less in control of my emotions. I want to be a healthier person, I try to be a healthier person but I hate the effect of people expecting you to be more self sufficient. I came out having my PD and I just hoped that people in my life would put in the effort to try and understand it on some level independently. It felt like a number of times others only saw it as a flavor of depression. I'm messed up, and out of control, and putting twice the work on the ones putting in the effort because of how many that didn't even really react when I told them. I've needed to be hospitalized for a while now and I always just skirt free of it because of some life event. Ive been fearful of my visit in Baltimore ending because otaprep was the only thing pulling me along this far. I've been trying to outrun the sadness after by creating new busywork but the thoughts are sinking back in and soon there will be no more cats to pet in the middle of the night. The driving past on the way down overwhelmed me with a devastation I hadn't been prepared for so knowing I'll have to drive past it again soon is looming over me. I feel my sadness and want someone to come comfort me but I feel like my emotions are still only met with annoyance.

[balkansuperstar]

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I want to start ⭐️ving myself. I love the idea of not eating anything and how good it must feel (I need a detox). I binge eat a lot whenever I feel bad, which is pretty much all the time these days.

My relationship with food isn't very good. I eat a lot of junk and eat out a lot. Whenever I go to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water, I somehow end up opening the fridge and having a little snack. Again and again and again, it becomes tiering. I feel like a pig! The way I constantly want to eat, I want it to stop! Sure, I love food, but as the saying goes, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

I am a guy. I'm 183 cm (6 feet) tall and weigh 60 kg (133 lbs). I've been told I'm underweight most of my life. I am constantly told I should eat more, and I did, because it made others feel good and happy while making me feel shit and absolutely miserable.

I want to stop eating because it's cute. Guys love it when you're skinny. They love the idea of saving you. Why not use this to my advantage?

Currently, I have been trying to eat my meals in smaller portions. Sadly, I can't skip dinner because my family eats together. It'd be suspicious if I did. I also haven't been eating breakfast. I've been chewing lots of gum and drinking as much water as possible. If I feel sick, I eat a couple of almonds or some popcorn. I heard they are both low in calories (correct me if I'm wrong) and quite filling.

If you have any tips, feel free to message me. I would love to receive some :)

[kopivie]

big ol' rant btc. tw for eating and food-related complications. mentions weight, numbers, clothing sizes, etc. possibly an eating disorder? though i don't see it as such.

tl;dr: i'm just... tired. that's all i can ever tell anybody these days because it's true, whether i want it to be or not. i'm so, so tired.

y'know, i often think that i'm doing okay in regards to eating, but then i have moments like i did two hours ago where my body forces itself to shut down because i am simply malnourished. it's not like i'm putting off eating intentionally, nor am i avoiding eating for extended periods of time (days specifically). it's just that my stomach is incredibly small and can be easily filled with one hot cup of coffee and a few bottles of water per day.

i do my best to eat high protein foods at least once a day so i don't shut myself off and actually go long stretches of time without food, especially since i work in such a busy space. but when my stomach is very sensitive and can't even expand much more beyond a few bites of half of a sandwich (i.e.: the bacon egg and cheese that was sacrificed in my attempt to eat this morning), i don't have much of a choice but to stay away from food since being over full can make anyone, not just myself, feel bad.

so basically, even though i had.. maybe four bites of one half of that sandwich at around 11:30 this morning, i still came home at around 5 pm today exhausted and freezing, and i had to force myself to nap under layers of blankets at 7 pm due to the sheer lack of energy in my system. i woke up at 9 pm, and now i'm trying to eat once again (baked ziti with lots of meat sauce because again, lots of protein). i'm getting super bummed though because i'm... not making much of a dent again. i can't finish all this, even if i sat here all night. i even woke up exhausted and still had the urge to sleep.

i was under the impression that i was fine because i recall eating four chicken wings yesterday as well as some ice cream, but as i realize that i cannot remember exactly what time i ate those things, the current state of my body starts to make more sense. all in all, i don't know what else to do. i think i'm on my tenth bite of ziti, but it's probably just going to get covered up and put in the fridge because i just... cannot eat. i want to, and trust me when i say i love food and the act of eating brings me joy, but i just... can't. not when my stomach is the size of a pea.

to add insult to injury, i'm getting worse at hiding the state of my body from others. in the past i was able to ignore my dizziness and fainting spells from my bosses and parents, but everyone is so observant at my job now. i actually have a little circle of mothers who ask me if i've eaten. i wear a company jacket or layer up, and if i so much as yawn or shiver around them, they glare at me and ask me if i've eaten/if they need to buy me lunch during our breaks even if they don't align. i refused some tiny waffles at the meeting earlier today and my coworker turned around and stared daggers into my face. i had to avoid eye contact and pretend to do something else for a long time.

...anyway.

i think i've eaten my fill of this ziti. whenever i eat these days, i become horribly sleepy. fortunately this only happens when i'm at home since i regulate how much i eat (and if i eat at all) when i'm at work on my breaks, but i'm disappointed in myself. i need to make food that i'm guaranteed to eat, but i never have the energy to do so. i'm always in bed doing nothing because i simply cannot exert any more energy outside of what i can muster for work. i don't know what to do, i'm disappointing and concerning the people around me, and the worst part is that i enjoy the results.

not the dizziness of course, but the fact that i am as thin as i have always wanted to be. i'm not underweight -- far from it, actually. i've never left the realm of ~120 lbs (54 kg), which is average for my height. the only time i did raise some red flags was when i was 115 lbs (~52 kg) last summer, and i was wearing my belts tightly despite dropping my pants sizes to a 4 from an 8. i'm comfortably at around a 6 or so now (i think), and i wear small sizes with ease (and baggy mediums if i'm careful).

(i say this, but i could be wrong about how i look to others. my coworkers have repeatedly taken note of the fact that i have lost weight, or that i'm super thin, or that i could fit the large children's sizes that we have in stock with varying degrees of jealousy.)

i'm not concerningly thin. i would know -- i've been that way before, even if my actual weight wasn't enough to warrant a psych ward visit. genetically, i'm doomed to be an american's worst nightmare, but i'm just... not. i did have a period of time when i took medication that caused me to gain weight, but i suddenly started pushing overweight territory, so i immediately backed off of it for my mental health. right now i feel i'm at a balance where i can be seen as healthy. it's just that i don't feel that way.

basically...

i regularly complain of being freezing in typically warm environments (accompanied by regular shivers and ice-cold hands)

when i say i'm tired, others mention that my eyes are barely open, i'm stumbling about/look unsteady on my feet, and my speech is slower than normal

i literally cannot move when i absolutely need to. like right now, i need to cover up my food and put it away but i just.. cannot move. i can't even bring myself to drink something. it's not executive dysfunction -- lord knows that i know what that feel like -- so i dunno what this is.

just... i dunno. i don't even eat ice cream or mac and cheese anymore because i feel like i can't enjoy it. and those are my favorite foods ever. i dunno, man.

[getsette]

Empty Thursdays: After Life Took From Me (August 16, 2018), Between Changes

look forward to filling you up

I have five days of absolutely no commitment and you already know it makes me happy. I am also now on house arrest because as Google diagnosed it, I have a peptic ulcer. So I’m writing.

I can’t remember when I last wrote here or anywhere, I have 4 pending writing projects since 2014 and I only went so far as sketching the next chapter for The Yellow Couch is Park’s, I decided Park is a male who wears a polka dotted tie in Mustard Yellow. I’m still confused whether the dots are black or white.

Nothing more.

I want to take this day to write, at least about the new birth year I’m starting. I am now 23, my hair’s longer, and I’m a little bit underweight for my height. I had a quiet birth anniversary celebration and like quiet always does to me, I indulged in my mind. What a happy place it now is.

What a year it was, what years they were. I started this project (BTW, except for three posts, this project is so far a flop) from the gap year I fought for and through in 2017, I was only 21 then and I’m going to start from there.

The first quarter of 2017 was the start of the emptying I have been doing for more than a year now. After college, I was obssessed about starting anew. I cancelled every commitment -a national chairmanship, a job, relationships except of course, my pop rock playlist- everything because I know I was tired and the big life is staring right at me. I’m about to start with my new goals. It was a year of carefully choosing what to let go of and what to keep until I felt light. Further into the year, I was also carefully choosing what to start. Ready or not, I chose art and law school. I spent the rest of the year trying to keep up with these choices, learning the changes they demand from me.

I didn’t have a perfect commitment with law school. I got in it with only a purpose and my bareness. I was just being myself -free spirited and creative. And as an advocate for self love, I was shaken by the realization that being myself was definitely not the answer. What a shit, I did not prepare for this. Imagine the transition from coming up with a witty marketing pitch to memorizing a Supreme Court Ruling. It definitely felt like I did not belong. I was lost with absolutely no one with me. I thought about quitting a lot of times, I was even about to leave the city for good. Ergo, I drunk a lot.

I was such a mess.

Things only eased in when the universe finally put things in place. I got through my first year, I found a good place to stay and I’m slowly getting comfortable with the changes I’m going through. Since two months ago, I have cancelled fast food, smoking, binge drinking, and also any unhealthy relationships. I started a daily routine, I have yet to work on my timeline but at least I finish everything in my to do list. I also started working out again, although my diet keeps failing me, I’m working on it anyway. With all honesty, I feel happy about the little progress I’m making.

I thought to myself, I’m now 23 and I have a new year ahead of me. The only prayer is stability —to be at peace with the work I’m doing with myself and my goals.

Here’s my best take from 22: We wont always be thesame all the time. Life puts us in different places, places that will take parts of us and it doesn’t have to feel like being not enough. We lose ourselves, we change, we become more. 

Happy emptying everybody, look forward to filling you up.

[parentplus]

GETTING PICK EATERS TO EAT (At home and School)

It's the beginning of the week again and my pickey little eater has school. For me that means waking up early, making breakfast and packing his lunch box. There is only one problem with this, I'm not a morning person, waking up early isn't as appealing to me as it may be to other people. As much as I love my little guy and I would do anything for him I don't always look foreward to this, especially now that i'm carrying baby number 2. I am a single mother so I don't have a significant other to pick up the slack when i'm feeling to sick or tired and i'm having a difficult time rolling out of bed. Due to that fact, I have to get creative and find ways to make his special meals easier and quicker to make in the morning. In this article I am going cover some things i've found that have made my mornings a little bit easier and get my son to eat better.

My son is a very pickey eater and I don't care what shape, color or picture the food comes in he would rather starve than eat something substantial. Here's an example for everyone when it comes to that: I know hes a pickey eater and has texture issues but I didn't think that he would actually starve himself. He's 5 1/2 now but last year he was in preschool and I really thought he was eating at school and they thought he was eating here at home, we were both giving him food. After a while I noticed he was losing alot of weight, he wasn't gaining anything. He is naturally very tall and skinny and has always been somewhat underweight. It's hard to tell sometimes with kids who are naturally that skinny when it's just beginning to become a problem. I'm a very attentive mother but I do get busy and i'm not perfect, I thought it might be another growth spurt making him look extra skinny. One day he started telling me his tummy hurt and was constantly pushing on it so I took him to see his doctor. The doctor told me that he had lost alot of weight since the last time he saw him and gave me some techiques and such to help him with his weight gain and to help his stomach issues get better. I talked to the school and they said he wouldn't eat anything they gave him. Nobody told me that he was refusing to eat anything at all. This year is different though, I have learned from my mistake and created ways to get him to eat at home and at school.

First thing I did was get a copy of the schools breakfast and lunch menu so I know the days he's going to refuse everything and I could see when and what he was and wasn't eating. Next, I thought since he basically just picks at everything he eats that if he got both the school lunch and a packed lunch that he could just pick at both and he would be getting a meal and not even noticing it. I communicated with the school about it and have them give him both, that worked better than I thought it was going to. Sometimes parents just get lucky with some of the ways we improvise to try and keep our kids healthy and well cared for.

BENTO BOXES:

Putting together special meals every morning is kind of a task in itself but it doesn't have to be difficult or time consuming, so I put together bento boxes. I can put a variety of food in there so he has a larger choice of what he might eat (well, pick at I guess). You can make them ahead of time and freeze them if you want but I don't freeze mine, I make and put them together in the morning. Since I do it this way the cooking and packing of these meals has to be quick and easy, I dont want to spend 30 minutes or more cooking in the morning while at the same time getting my son ready for school and fighting morning sickness. I have an article coming out about bento boxes you can check out, on how to put them together and what I put in my sons. I also make sure he eats at least some breakfast here at home (even if it's only a few bites) before going to school so i can be sure he has at least a little bit of food in him, just in case he refuses school breakfast.

BRIBERY:

There is no shame in bribing a picky eater to eat, whatever works is whatever i'll be happy I tried... lol... If you know there is something that your kid will do almost anything for than by all means mama work your magick. When it comes to my son it works about 80% of the time. With some things he would rather give up everything he loves in life than to even take one bite of it. He acts as if i'm trying to poison him and death is surely to befall him if he even looks at it. I think he's an extreme case of picky little monster though and very dramatic at times but that just means I need to get more creative and improvise better.

MENU PLANNING:

Planning a menu for kids who refuse to eat anything new or substantial is extremely important. It doesn't have to be a chore though. Just because special conciderations have to be taken for some children doesn't mean it has to be difficult. At the beginning of each week I will post my picky eater menu (I coordinate it with the school menu) and please feel free to use it as needed. Remember everything can and most times has to be tailored to fit a childs specific needs. Communicating with your childs nutritionist or doctor is also never a bad idea. It's not an embarassing one either, you don't have to feel ashamed or like your failing as a parent just because you need a little extra help or advice. When I had to take my son to the doctor over his eating and weight issues I felt terrible and like I hurt and failed my baby by getting to busy and not noticing his special care needs earlier. I'm here to let you know that noone is perfect and even though a special care handbook would be nice for picky eaters every child is unique so there isn't one. Hopefully this is helpful and useful for you so you can avoid making the same mistakes I have. If you have made the same ones than you can see how I was able to recover from them. Trial and error was a big part of this, and I'm not in any way an expert on nutrition I just know what I can and can't get my little guy to eat.

PREPERATION IS KEY:

In order to get your child to eat at school the preperation has to start at home. Trying to send your kid to school with something new probably isn't going to work. You have to introduce it at home first and make sure they will at least eat some of it if they get hungry. You can again take a look at the school menu and introduce some of those items more frequently so that eventually if they aquire a taste for it you may not have to pack a lunch on those days. I coordinate my lunches with the schools because some of the stuff they serve I know he will at least pick at. Like hamburgers and french fries, he will eat the fries but not the hamburger (he's not real big on any meat that isn't chicken). In that case I buy the chicken patties that he likes and add that to his lunch box on those days. There are a couple days during the week that I get a break from packing a whole entire lunch for him because every wednesday they have pizza day and who doesn't like pizza. My saving grace on that one though is they serve either pepperoni or cheese pizza. My son will only eat cheese pizza, like I said, hes not big on meat.

CUT OUT SNACKS:

I had a difficult time with this at first and couldn't do it so I basically just switched up the kind of snacks, amount and changed what time of day I gave them to him. I give him things like a cereal bar sometimes, but not to close to mealtime as this is very filling for him. More along the lines of if I know dinner will probably be a little later than he usually eats. Depending on how late dinner might be you could always just give your kid part of one to hold them over just a little longer and put the rest in a sandwich bag for later or to add to their lunch box. I also give him cereal bars in the morning sometimes because I know he will eat those and sometimes thats all the energy I have You could also do this if you woke up late, they are a good meal replacement and have alot of nutrition in them. I also do things like slices of apples, grapes or a banana for snacks. If your kid isn't big on fruits, like mine isn't, I found out that if they are hungry enough for a snack then they will at least take a bite or two. This was difficult for me as well because denying my son (who already doesn't like to eat) any food or snack made me feel like a terrible mom and like I was starving him during the only time he decided he was hungry.

EASY AND QUICK MORNING MEALS:

At the beginning of this I mentioned that I am not a morning person, well i'm not. My child is an extremely picky eater and the meals I have to make in the morning consist of breakfast and school lunch. I also hate clean up so what I make requires very little to almost no clean up as well. When I do it this way school mornings don't have to start as early and I can still get everything done quickly. Buying things like instant rice for his lunch and hard boiling eggs the night before or even a few nights ahead helps me out alot. Instant rice takes a total of a few minutes to boil water then about 5 minutes to make, so it's super fast and there is virtually no clean up. When it comes to breakfast I buy pancake mix, hashbrown patties and stuff like that. If your kid has no problem with eating sausage they also have precoooked links, those and the patties can be cooked in the microwave and I use a small egg pan to make a pancake for him because the frozen ones taste funny to us. Buying those frozen pancakes works to and will speed the morning process, I make my own because my son just doesn't really like those. This is also a small amount of clean up, it really only consists of the bowl, pan, plate and silverware. You also have the option to premake your own pancakes or waffles and freeze those if you'd like, it's much cheaper than buying the premade frozen ones, even less clean up and probably taste better than them to. Mornings don't have to be a big rush and even if you're not a morning person they can still be enjoyable and a good way to start out your day. Another plus on this is you get to spend that morning enjoying it with your kids. No rushing, fighting or yelling, just having a morning breakfast together and enjoying each others company. Sounds to good to be true but I believe it's very possible and extremely benificial to the parent child relationship.

With all of that being said I do have a weekly picky eater menu coming out, bento box ideas and creative ways I help my son eat healthier. He's an overactive child so he will probably always be tall and skinny but at least doing things like this he's a healthy, tall, skinny, overactive child... If your able to contact one, a licensed nutritionist can be very helpful also. They have excellent techniques and little tricks they can provide you and your family with. Nutrition is very importand but with children it can become harder than it has to be. Children have their own personalities, likes and dislikes just like adult do (I personally can't stand fish) but unfortunately they don't understand that it's important to get the right nutrients into your body so you can grow up big and strong. If you enjoyed this or it was helpful in any way remember to like, share and follow for more.

[lingchung]

Pushing Through Fitness Plateau

I'm not the most athletic person. But over the last twenty years, I've slowly become a fit person by consistently putting in the work.

My body has generally responded to all sorts of workouts: running, circuit-style resistance training, hypertrophy training, etc. Through my 20s and 30s, I maintained a fairly lean physique that fluctuated between 18% to 21% body fat. My set weight never changed since high school.

During Covid, I ramped up my training. For 2.5 years, I ran 100km a month, coupled with regular resistance training. I was working out 7 days a week and I have never worked out more in my life. At the same time, I started tracking my meals and restricting calories.

More = better?

Nope. I sent my body into complete stress.

My weight dropped for the first 6 months and I became underweight. I experienced hair loss, amenorrhoea, sleep disruptions and ghrelin imbalance.

I was under-eating and stressing my body with too much activity.

Once I realized that, I let myself eat, but the floodgate opened - I simply couldn't stop - my appetite ballooned.

Not only did I gain back the weight that I've lost, I gained 10 more lbs on top of the set weight I've maintained for 20 years.

It took my appetite 2 years to get back to normal. I've also reduced my activity. But I still can't shake the weight that I've gained. My body fat % went up from 18% to 23% (Dexa), so I know the weight I've gained is not muscles.

In July, I shook up my fitness routine. The old one wasn't serving me:

No more running 100km a month. Instead, I try to do one long run on the weekend only

Incorporating Zone 5 running after my Zone 2 run. Zone 2 training for mitochondria, Zone 5 for VO2 max.

Walking 15 to 20k steps a day in place of running, the idea is to maintain movement but at lower intensity.

Heavy strength training. I've started to lift heavy 3 times a week. I'm deadlifting and squatting my body weight in low reps. I intend to train between strength and hypertrophy in phases. I'm hoping to see strength gains and ramp up my resting metabolic rate.

Incorporating deload weeks. Every 3 to 4 weeks, I give my body a break where I only do low intensity activities like yoga, pilates, or mobility exercises.

I still spend most of my free time working out.

I was looking at my steps trend last night. I went from averaging 10k a day, to 18k a day, to 24k a day, to now 26k a day in August.

This is telling of my personality: I tend to over-do anything I set my heart on. Sure I'm no longer running as much, but I am walking even longer distances now.

This week my body is telling me, I'm over training again.

I just want to remind myself that I've seen overtraining backfire on me before, don't fall into the trap again.

[its-inevitable-lupe]

Looking at old pictures and things. You really have been trash to me these three years. I have always spoken good of you in the relationship because yes I know. Flaws we all have so I won’t point yours in it. But when death and drugs and the treatment you have horribly done to me these three years. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I think yeah I deserve it. Sometimes I’m lost and feel like why me…. Why does this girl treat me this way when I’m not the same person. I can’t speak bad of her old self but her present self now I can. It’s absolutely disappointing… so I guess your friend might influence more. You were amazing to me and my heart will miss that version of you and i morn her always and forever. I will never forgive you because texts and running away like a coward is where I draw the line. My mistake was thinking maybe she would change but nah. She’s just a woman acting like a child. I hope you grow up and figure yourself out. Sometimes I get confuse with love even more but then with time I notice what love really is not suppose to be. I been blinded by the word love that’s why I never say it and that’s why I don’t do. Because people in the name of love have countless times abuse it and all have turn it against me like I’m the person that is a monster. I have always felt misunderstood and have been told many things. I felt pushed aside. Belittle and trash my persona. I have been told people like this side of me.. like this dark and ugh side that I can’t explain or my sadness or whatever they fantasize of me. And I’m sick of it and how I feel like an object. I have done and changed my ways not only for many people but myself. I been ARGUING LESS !!!!!!! I don’t find it trilling as I use to. I don’t feel anything. I don’t get off on sadness. I’m not sadistic. I try to control my alcohol problem this month. I stop smoking. I stop doing drugs. And I did in 2021 cause dude I was losing my mind on that one night free I had. My face my whole energy was so dead… and now i feel ALIVE. I go to the gym to help ME. I eat better! I gain 15-20 maybe pounds since 2020.. like that’s a lot but I was so underweight. My depression is less. My anxiety is a lot less. I control my Nerves SO MUCH. I did that! I don’t do things that trigger me. I dont Cut myself. And I know I did sometime in the three years but that was once and never again. I’m not passive. I try to speak up. I try to communicate to people. I grown up. I Had to. I would hate if I was still this way and people were let down because of me. I don’t tolerate things at all. Im solid with myself. I overcame so much and still am and that’s what makes me strong and me. I don’t let my past define me. I don’t just say words but I mean them and I do them and I act in it all. Im not fake. Im real and honest and i will always be genuine and authentic. I did my things, I messed around, I been trash and hurt a lot a lot a lot of people. just as people have done to me. But I learn and I try to change the future and if things are good they are good. I try to fix whoever has a thing with me and hope for the best and if not, I let that go. I don’t hold onto things that are presently bad. I do me. I like me. And I will love me soon. But I am loving who I am becoming. Im happy this change these three years really marked me. It snapped my whole being and that old v.. I use to know was my push & without her I wouldn’t have been here. That one left a scar on me and on my skin. But the present one please never come close to me when you have sick intentions and so cruel. I hope karma and life wakes you up. I’m sorry life was never easy for you. I hope your heart and mind find peace. But like me.. there is always change and I’m sure you will do it. But other than that. I’m doing good for me. I hope I love to the places I desires I hope everything goes smoothly.I hope I really reach my goals. I should make that book I always spoken about because 22 marked me for life. The 5 “v”Roman journey really hit hard. I look back and Im proud of how much I grown. I’m happy I finally PICK MYSELF

[satinofsundays]

Perfect meal plan for a quick weight loss

Not sustainable, but ok for 3-5 weeks.

I have been highly busy with weight loss and I just made the perfect meal plan for a single day, which is sooo good I can easily eat it for the entire week.    Well at least when it comes to taste and that yummy feel. I have still to calculate the fats, protein and carbs!

I am posting it here for future pleasure because I am so glad when I scroll through my posts and find meals that I remembered that I loved (I only post meals that are so good wish I could bathe in them). Usually I have forgotten the meals when I find them because I try new meals and so on, so I am very excited to see them again.

First! I have spent a good five years tweaking the way that I eat. If you are a daily pizza person and loves bearnaise +++ It will be like going cold turkey to eat like this. Changing your eating habits takes time! In a few days I have spent one year on Bright Line Eating, but I still have had so many meals with sugar and flour during the year. But now, one year after, I eat less sugar and flour. And I can more easily go a month without having any, and without wanting some. So... Patience.

The plan:

The kcal is calculated from what I use and ofc not a global count.

Breakfast | Banana peanut butter rice cakes. Better than candy! 2 oz homemade peanut butter ( I used “Peanøtter” from Eldorado with a little oil) Remember that future me? Homemade tasted soooooo goooood! 1 oz rice cakes ( I used “First Price Riskaker med salt”) 2,5 oz banana Half this amount if I am not working out or being active this day. 538 kcal / 269 kcal 

Lunch | Overnight oats and chia pudding Don’t be greedy on the fruit. Every Youtube video with That girl, that woman, what I eat in a day and so on all use so little fruit. The pudding gets yucky yuck.  1 oz oats 0,5 oz chia 6 oz milk 3 drops vanilla extract 6 oz fruit (I like best to have just banana) a pinch of cinnamon 367 kcal Make the pudding the night before (make a batch with 2-3 portions/days forward in one container) and add the fruit when I am having some. 

Shay Mitchells Protein shake OMG. Some days this shake is the only thing that get’s me to the gym. Not kidding! It tastes like a milkshake, and I want milkshake. Btw. I can do the same shake without the protein powder as well. 

33 g Protein Powder (I use the Belgian chocolate from Protein.no. So good!) 60 g Banana 20 g Peanut butter (Regular or homemade) 10 g Spinach 300 g Milk (I use skimmed milk) Cut this if I am not working out or being active this day. 397 kcal / 0 kcal

Dinner | Hummus and couscous Just like that. 2 oz couscous 2 oz hummus Add some onion if you want, maybe some garlic. 568 kcal

The hummus recipe: https://www.matprat.no/oppskrifter/gjester/hummus/ 

I will share the English version soon.

This all adds up to about 1200 kcal if you are working out or not. 1200 is a low calorie diet that is recommended by a Norwegian doctor for people to get a power start on their weight loss. It is important to recognize that he is recommending this amount of calories for only 5 weeks. And on these 5 weeks people can drop 10 kilos/22 pounds, but this obviously depends on how heavy they are from the start. He is talking about people with morbid obesity. If I am lighter, I might not loose as much.

The doctors diet consist of meals I can’t eat because they have some sugar and flour in them, so I am making my own plan.

And since this is a public platform, I would like to share that I am 170 cm tall and I weigh 86 kilos. So I am NOT loosing weight towards underweight, but normal weight. I just got out of morbid obesity, which is when I weigh 87 kilos.

And a little tip! When I was in my normal weight, I was always chasing how to be thinner. I believe that my obsession on becoming thinner is what made me heavier. You have to relax about your weight, and keep a healthy relationship towards it, because it is then easier to forget about it and to not mess things up for yourself. You should not weigh yourself every day, but rather once a month if you have the same obsessions as me. If you do that you have plenty of time to tweak your weight if it gets out of balance. 

I used to check up on my weight everyday, but when I was happy and satisfied with my life, I had not learned this and just never checked up on it. I gained 24 kilos in just 6 months! Thinking back, I should have checked it every 1th of the month and made adjustments earlier on. It took me only 6 months to gain the weight and now it has taken me 6 years to loose 12 of them. And I was INSANE when it came to my weight. Everyday obsession. How could this happen, right? But with this experience I can tell you it is so much harder to actually be heavy and loose the weight, than it is to be thin and try to be thinner. So for heavens sake, get a healthy relationship with your weight before it blows up in your face.

March 10th - 2023