#i am looking at the dogs and all the blood sweat and tears i put into their fur....

[owlcomics101]

task force 141 x fox hybrid!Reader head cannons

Warnings: bit of blood, mentions of animal abuse/hunting (I do NOT condone), SFW (I am a minor), wholesome fox cuddles, reader is an Arctic fox hybrid

Context/backstory:

Soap was the one that found you originally. You were caught in a snare. A nose tied around your neck attached to a pole in the ground. Panting and running around in circles aimlessly. Blood drew from your poor already raw and red neck from the tight nose digging into your neck fur. Soap couldn’t just leave you there. He couldn’t leave you to become just another victim to a Man’s trap. Cut to the task force getting ready to leave in the chopper when they see Soap entering with you curled up in his arms. Trembling as you buried yourself as deep as you could into his chest in hopes of hiding away from the cruel world.

Soap:

Soap sometimes spooks you despite him being your savior, he can get very loud from time to time and it often causes you to go run and hide. It always breaks his heart seeing you run away from him. He tries his best to lower and soften his voice for you, but sometimes he forgets. You often only come to him for affection in private because that is when he is the calmest to your liking. You prefer to lay and sit right by Soap’s legs in his bunk. Not because you don’t trust him but…he tends to shift around a lot in his sleep…Soap tends to get a lot of nightmares about you. When he found you in the snare. Your frail and sickly face and body. His nightmares would alway consist of someone chasing your down and skinning you as some sick trophy. Soap would wake up in a cold sweat, always checking to see if you were by his legs or in anyone’s bunk. He would scoop you up and give you kisses as tears filled his eyes thinking of what could’ve happened to you if he’d had never found you. A lot of times he cried himself to sleep thinking about it, but whenever he cried you were there to give him kisses and cuddles.

Ghost:

Ghost took the longest to warm up to you, and you took the longest to warm up to him. His mask always frightened you and it didn’t help that he was always towering over you just to add more intimidation. His mask reminded you of the masked hunters you’d always face in the bitter tundra and all those near death experiences always left you with a bitter snarl when Ghost was in the same room as you. Price would have Ghost start feeding you so you would at least feel comfortable with him being in the same room as you, which worked. You would still watch his every move in case he tried to pull something when he fed you. And you would always check the food to see if it was safe to eat before eating it. One time, when you were busy eating Ghost was watching you out of the corner of your eye. Ghost looked around to check if anyone was around before slowly walking over to you and crouching next to you while you ate. He watched you for an awhile before putting his head out to stroke your head, he hesitated for a moment though. Thinking of how you would react but he had already had his hand on your head. He gently stroke your head while you ate and scratched behind your ears. When you finished eating you hadn’t even realized ghost was there and touching you. You immediately pulled away, tilting your head to the side at him before quickly running out of the room.

Gaz:

Gaz loves taking you for walks! Every time you see him get up your ears immediately perk up thinking he was about to take you on a walk. You couldn’t help but go berserk when he mentions going ‘outside’ or ‘walkies’. Whenever Gaz took you on a walk, you would always walk in front of him. When he manages to get in front of you, you would always race him to be in front. Because in your mind you’re walking him. Not the other way around. Sometimes when you walk by other soldiers or even military dogs you’d always run behind Gaz or want him to pick you up so you’d be out of the dog’s reach. Gaz didn’t mind, you weren’t that much of a hassle to carry. In the colder months, his favorite thing is to watch you go dive head first into the snow. It makes him laugh every time. Though one time…you came back to him with a dead mouse. Plopped it in front of him for him to see your work. You were so proud of yourself. Gaz was….disgusted a bit but still thought it was sweet when you brought stuff to him. (He does throw it away because it stinks up the base)

Price:

Price was your favorite. You always waited for him to come back every mission. Your tail would wag like crazy when you see him downstairs from the window. When you heard him walking close to the door you’d start running around the barracks excitedly as your ‘zoomies’ kick in. Cuddle time is EVERYTIME! It doesn’t matter what Price is doing, you will butt your head into whatever he is doing and made it a point to sit in his lap while he worked. You would snarl or bark at him whenever he tried getting up. And you would not let him wake up early in the mornings. Price didn’t want you at first. Telling Soap you should be at a shelter or back in the wild. Soldiers can’t have pets. Let alone a fox hybrid like you! But he quickly grew a soft spot for you. He made sure you got the best food and spoiled you when he could. Whenever Gaz took you on your walks Price would interrogate Gaz when he was out with you for too long. Even by a second too long. He was the one to always remind Soap to quiet down. Especially when you were sleeping. He’d always give you kisses on the head and hold you whenever he could. Even during briefings or meetings you were always there in his arms or in his lap.

[hinamie]

for the blessings megumi zine ! like 2 years ago at this point,,, still vvv proud of this though ! super fun project super cool zine <3

[fortheb0ys]

BOTTOM JEFF SADECKI X TOP MALE READER

☆' I WANNA FINGER FUCK YOUR MOUTH, BABY '☆

Am I making braces hot? Yes. Yes, I am. I need Jeff x male reader and there's none therefore I am responsible for creating it.

WARNING: oral fixation, throat fucking with fingers, dry humping

FEM ALIGN + MINORS DNI

Jeff gives such 'I had braces for three years' vibes.

He has permanent retainers at the back of both his top and bottom teeth. At first, you didn't know they were there. But during a very heated makeout session, your tongue explores the inside of his mouth.

You pull back once you feel them, confused at the foreign feeling that touch you tongue. Jeff looks at you with the same expression.

He panics thinking he did something wrong. Without much thought you shove your fingers into Jeff's mouth. Much to his embarrassment, a moan slipped out. As deep blush spread across his face, as your fingers pry open his mouth. This was definitely not how Jeff thought your first intimate moments were going to be like.

Jeff felt the embrassment consume him as you searched in his mouth for what seemed like forever. Drool began to pool in the corners of his lips, slowly making it's way down his chin. His cock hardened in his jeans, tenting the tight blue fabric. He mentally cursed his cock for being so interested in your fingers.

God, do I have a oral...what's that word? Fix? Fixation! Yeah, that!

He brushed that thought aside for another time. Hopefully you'll have your fingers in his mouth more than once.

"The fuck's with the metal shit on your teeth?" You ask once you see the wire along the back.

From some reason Jeff's brain didn't put two and two together, now just realizing you felt his retainer.

"Oh, Jesus, f-fuck. Thought I-I did something wrong for a second there." Jeff nervously stammered out, wiping his sweating palms on his shirt. The urge to come in his pants subsidies as the sense embarrassment of enveloped him.

He wasn't sure if it was the embarrassment of his childhood braces or the fact he nearly came untouched during your first shared makeout session.

"I forgot to tell ya I had braces for a bit when I was a kid. Put some shit at the back after they took 'em out. Is...are they weird?"

Before he could get an answer from you, your fingers shove into his mouth once again. Thumbs gently force his mouth open.

Jeff felt the same pleasure as he did before as you pushed your thumbs deeper into his mouth. Tears rolled down his face as he gags on your fingers. He wasn't sure how far his gag reflex went, but right now you were testing his limits.

He was now definitely sure he had some sort of kink. Part if him wanted you to replace your fingers with your cock, fucking his mouth hard and fast as he rutted against your shoes like a dog. He probably would have asked for it if your fingers weren't so deep down his throat.

Jeff's hips bucked into the empty air, trying to get so friction. Seeing this, you put your thigh in between his and immediately Jeff went to town humping your leg.

"Wow, you really like this, huh? Just a fucking slut." You say with a devilish smirk. All Jeff could do was moan around your fingers, taking in all your teasing words

Jeff work himself faster, feeling his legs shaking. He wrapped his thin fingers around your muscler forearm trying to steady himself. He gripped tightly enough to bruise.

Your tongue joins the party, licking alongside your fingers. Jeff felt weird not being able to kiss back, lips still being stretched by your thumbs. It explored every inch of his mouth. Feeling the metal against your tongue was a rush. The retainer added something you couldn't explain.

Maybe you could compare it to like have a tongue piercing. Just having a foreign object felt different and extremely inciting. You licked till the tip of your tongue became raw and started bleeding. Jeff whimpered at the taste of your blood meetinghis tongue.

His breaths were cut short. He gasped for air. Usually that would scare him but right now it was pure pleasure. If you were the one to kill him, he'd be okay with it. His brain was clouded. Everything felt so good.

A choked moan slips out as he cums after one final thrust against your leg. A wet patch stains the front of his tan khaki pants and the leg of your blue jeans. Jeff tries to catch his breath, but had a hard time due to the fact your fingers were still in his mouth.

Still forcing his jaw open, you bring your face closer to Jeff. You spit directly into his mouth. His eyes shot open, realizing what you had done. His mind still dizzy, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with your spit mixed with blood in his mouth. You gently take his chin between your spit covered fingers and closed his mouth.

"Swallow, puppy. Your reward for taking my fingers so well."

Without a second thought, Jeff swallows your spit. He looked at you with his innocent eyes and said 'Thank you,' in a quiet whisper.

God, he didn't realize how kinky your first time together was going to be but he was definitely up for it again.

I'm also imaging you have just mind blowing sex. Your both laying in bed, completely exhausted. The poor thing is trying to keep his eyes open. You're just as tired that you're about to fall asleep with your now soften cock still in his ass. Just as you're about to fall asleep, Jeff gives you a tap on the side.

"Y/N? Y/N, get out of me. I gotta put in my retainer."

[oliviajdjarin]

Azriel Shadowsinger: Young God

Pairing: Azriel x fem!reader (afab; she/her)

Request: “Okay I’m annoying you with these now hehe sorry. But I have another idea/request. You know how in angst Azriel x reader oneshots it’s always the reader who’s in love with Azriel and he’s in a relationship? How about we switch that and make it so Azriel is in love with an unavailable reader?” @aroseinvelaris

Excerpt: “He looked up at you like a boy, a little boy, who had been pushed too far. And yet, at the same time, the Azriel who quickened your heart with only a glance was still there, giving his face and body the look of what you could only describe as a young, bleeding god. Covered in sweat and tears and blood, his hair soaked with the same alloy, he was a fallen angel, begging for mercy.

His eyes said to you make it stop. Please, make it end.

“Az,” you whispered, and he fell into your arms.

Your brain instantly tore you in half. You had never felt so overjoyed and crestfallen in the same moment.”

Warnings: illyrian!reader, jealous!azriel (so yummy), idiots in love, reader has sex with someone else, heavy swearing, kind of toxic reader and az, drinking, mating bond, punching bags, blood, kissing, and our lord of bloodshed and high lord make an appearance.

Word Count: 3.7k 

A/N: I have been sitting on this request forever, and I feel I am finally capable of doing it justice. I hope you enjoy @aroseinvelaris, thank you again for your request.

A/N 2: I’m a lot a little rusty with acotar vernacular and Azriel descriptions. so please be kind. This is also incredibly not canon.

SJM Masterlist 

If you would like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated :)

The last thing you wanted to do in the infamous, disreputable Windhaven War-Camp was drink, but with the presence of its current war lord, you were really fucking tempted to.

You could hear his remarks from a multiple tables away. 

 Training females, a waste of resources if you ask me.

What the fuck else does Rhysand expect of us? To put bitches in our camps? On our front lines?

Rhysand’s dogs wish they could prove what we do to with them after their training.

He was a cocksucking pig, and that was enough of an excuse for you to bring a cup of wine to your lips and practically guzzle it down.

“You hear him too?” said the Lord of Bloodshed to your right, or as you knew him, just Cass.

You nodded, taking another sip despite the sour grapes coating your tongue, and his leathers squeaked as he leaned forward on his chair. He was gripping his own glass like a sailor dangling over a hull.

“Mother help me,” he replied.

“Mother help us all,” you countered, and Cassian chuckled.

“And Rhysand most of all,” he replied, gesturing across the crowded dining area.

Rhys was elbows-deep in documents, going over how exactly Windhaven was functioning under his rule with the other war lords. You didn’t blame him. With Ironcrest continuing to defame him and grip onto their dissent, Rhysand couldn’t afford to lose anyone else.

He would never admit that, of course, but after over a century of spying for him, you had your ways of reading him; shoulders tight, back hunched, eyebrows creased, and chin resting on his palm. Yeah, he was a bit stressed out.

If only you could read another Illyrian in the room’s body language so well.

You and Cassian sat and drank for some time, grateful Rhys trusted you to be his backup but simultaneously regretting ever joining him in the first place, before the rest of your backup arrived.

You begged your heart not to quicken. The alcohol was already fucking with your head enough.

Azriel sat in the seat to your left, his distinct musk of cool air, leather, and shadows breezing by you as he did, and poured himself a glass of his own.

“Notice anything?” Cassian asked him as he poured, well aware that your heart was in fact quickening, but Az shook his head.

“Nothing out of the ordinary.”

You nodded as he sipped his drink, leaning back into his chair. His wings and chest widened, giving your peripheral vision the perfect angle of his leathers. Him and Cassian had gone all out - adorned with every dagger, cuirass, pauldron, and gauntlet you could think of, in addition to their shimmering siphons bouncing off every metallic object in the hall. You blended in with them as best as you could.

Except, of course, the fact that you were a female.

Az’s voice ripped you from your thoughts. “I would feel more confident if Y/N did my route over again after dinner is served. Would you be okay with that?” 

You nodded without looking at him, and were surrounded by silence once more.

The three of you continued to keep your eyes open, scanning the room for any sudden movements, suspicious glances, or unnecessary walks towards your High Lord. Your body besieged you to get up and get away from the male beside you. Escape the nervous energy he always seemed to coat you with made especially worse given the fact that you were surrounded and outnumbered by enemies, made your fight-flight-or-freeze response ache with strain.

The alcohol wasn’t helping the feeling at all. You needed something else. Right then and right there to make your heart pound and sweat pour from your pores.

With one glance to your right, you spotted your solution.

“Is that who I think it is?” Cassian asked, following your line of sight, and you grinned.

Ozia. A name perfect for his image in your mind.

Azriel followed your gaze as well, his spine straightening and his eyes squinting, and looked back to you with a look that could only be described as a mix of puzzled and panicked.

The male’s hazel eyes met yours across the hall, and in that moment, you knew exactly where your night was going to end.

The male was tall and chiseled, skin tanned and freckled, and his hair was brown and curly. It hung over his eyes slightly, etching his curved nose and pouted lips perfectly. He was quiet, reserved, but one of the few Ilyrian males you had ever found yourself able to trust. You had met him the last time you had visited Devlon, enforcing Rhysand’s rule of training before chores with an iron fist, and Ozia had backed you up completely. He explained that he had even started taking the females back to his home to teach them proper stretching and breathing techniques, and his support made your trip infinitely easier.

Maybe that was the reason you had ended up in his bed, or maybe it was because of his borderline piercing resemblance to the male on your left. Either way, Cassian had never teased you as relentlessly as he had the day he had found out - you still had no fucking idea how - and with the look in his eye as his gaze bounced between you, Ozia, and Az, he was not going to let this one go either.

Not a morsel of you cared. It was infinitely better than sitting in the want of a male you could never have.

You finished off your wine before standing up, scraping your wooded chair against the floor as you did. Azriel looked up at you and, likely having put the two pieces together, asked, “What about dinner?”

Your excitement to escape him caused you to overlook the venom in his tone.

“I’m not hungry,” you responded, and made your way towards the male you knew, and away from the one you wish you did.

                                                          ~*~

Azriel willed himself to remember a word of what Cassian had said to him from the moment you left to the moment he finally made his escape, but as he trekked up the creaky, circular stairs to his dust-ridden bedroom for the evening, he could not recall a single word.

Not after the look in your eyes as you looked at the male across the room, the grin tracing your teeth as you eyed him, and the way your hips moved as you walked to him. Not after Azriel could not eat more than a few bites of the chicken soup provided for them without becoming queasy at the thought of what that male - Ozia - was doing to you, what you were doing to him. Not after the blow to his heart after waiting for you to walk his route with him, as you had agreed to, and you never showing. 

And especially not now, as he prepared himself for the necessity of passing your room in order to get to his own.

With the alcohol muddling his mind and the exhaustion in his muscles from one of the longest days he had experienced in recent memory, he thought he could pass it by without a second thought. He was in the clear at the top of the steps, throat closing and head pounding, but as he made his way past your door, his hope dissolved like a sugar in tea.

He didn’t hear you, or him, or have any proof that you were together in your room in any way...

... except for the smell of it.

He had never hated anything more..

The smell of you - you - that he had gotten to know so well. Vanilla and green tea with just a hint of rose, a mixture true to who you were at your core, mixed with the smell of someone else. It was sex and sweat and spit and sheets and you so much of you and so much of him.

It was acrid, pungent, and so fucking heart shattering that he had to put his hand to his chest to ensure his heart was still beating.

He wanted to keel over in pain, rip his heart out of his chest, shatter every window in the cabin, and rip you away from him all in the same moment.

But he just kept on walking, ignoring the tether in his chest pulling him back to you more than anything else.

                                                       ~*~

If Azriel thought that night was long, he was not ready for the morning after.

At breakfast, you reeked of him, yet the smile on your face was what burned Azriel to a crisp. As the four of you traveled home, you and Cass snuck glances at each other like two females who knew something Azriel didn’t. When you finally reached the House of Wind, you immediately went up to bed, mumbling something about how you hadn’t managed to get much sleep anyway.

He hadn’t either.

As you headed upstairs, Azriel headed down, vibrating with an energy he could not describe. All he knew was that he wanted it off of him. He needed everything he was feeling inside of him off and away it was cutting him so deeply - 

“Hey,” came a voice, the arm attached to it finding its place on Azriel’s shoulder. He turned, startled to finally feel his body after living solely in his head, and was met with violet.

“What’s going on?” Rhys asked, and Azriel softened a bit from the look of concern in his eyes.

After centuries of having brothers - real brothers - he still wasn’t used to being loved.

“I’m fine,” Azriel replied, and Rhys raised his eyebrows. “Honestly, I am. Just overtired, and sick of Illyrians.”

As if on cue, Cassian walked through the house with a dagger in one hand and an even bigger bottle of liquor in the other, likely headed upstairs to bring said items up to his mate.

He turned to look at his observers as he made his way up, exclaiming proudly, “I picked the dagger out myself.”

Rhys and Az looked at each other after he reached the top, and Rhys chuckled, patting Azriel on the shoulder. “You and me both, brother.”

                                                     ~*~

 Azriel couldn’t remember how many punching bags he’d sent flying across the training room’s floor. He didn’t fucking care.

All he knew was that the feeling inside of him was not stopping.

He had done pushups until he collapsed, a plank until he dropped, crunches until he puked, and now he was punching the bags without any wrapping protecting the skin of his hands. He would take anything else - anything else - in place of this anguish. He could still smell it, couldn’t stop picturing it, and every time his brain seemed to release him from the torture of its vividity, it would snap back in almost instantly like a punch to his stomach.

He’d been hit many times, but nothing that felt like this. It was a feral, dirty, venomous beast inside of him tearing him apart with its nails and teeth. His arms were jelly, his hands were spilling clumps of blood, but it still wasn’t enough. The beast was relentless, beating Azriel no matter what he did.

His chest ached so badly. The thought of you kissing Ozia.

Punch.

Tasting him. 

Punch. 

Feeling him.

Punch.

Laughing with him.

Punch.

Smiling at him. Enough to crinkle your irises. While Azriel waited for you.

Punch.

And possibly even loving him.

A punch, a crack, and a scream echoed through the chamber, and Azriel smiled with victory as his body finally gave out on him.

                                                          ~*~

You woke covered in sweat, an unidentifiable scream echoing through your mind like a stone in an empty cave, and a searing pain etching its way down your right hand. Tears coated your eyes as you sat up, hissing as the throbbing made it down to your fingertips.

The scream continued to reverberate all the while.

“Fuck,” you whispered, your hand laying limp by your side. You felt stupid for crying. You had broken your hand before.

But your hand wasn’t broken.

You attempted to wiggle it around, flexing your fingers and widening your grip, and the pain slowly faded to a dull ache. You wiped your eyes as you pushed down onto the mattress with it, attempting to gauge how harsh the pain was engrained your bones.

The searing sensation returned.

“Fuck,” you whispered again, and scooted off the bed and onto your feet. The sun had begun to rise outside your window, illuminating you with gold as you walked into the hall and down to the kitchen. 

Your mind muddled with pain and sleep so harshly that you relied on your body to navigate for you, allowing it to think for you. You didn’t even know why you were going to the kitchen. You just needed to move the rest of your body to distract you from your hanging hand.

As you blinked the sleep out of your eyes, you realized that, instead of the kitchen, your body had begun to take you down further. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” you questioned, but still walked down, down, down.

Maybe your body was telling you that some training would do you good. Maybe your hand was just stiff and sore, and needed renewed blood flow. You had been skipping out on your morning routine due to your guard duty. Maybe your body was itching for it back.

You yawned, whispering, “Whatever.”

You began rolling your shoulders as your feet hit the ground, warming up your back and neck. You rubbed your eyes one last time with your left hand, allowing your still aching right one to remain hanging at your side, while simultaneously becoming overwhelmed with the scent of sweat, rubber, and blood. For a second, you smiled, content with the feeling of walking into a space you knew so well - that knew you so well. You were excited, your adrenal gland suddenly pumping you with adrenaline and dopamine.

You were home.

That euphoric pairing was suddenly doused with cortisol as you turned towards the punching bags, only to be met with nearly a dozen lying flat, and a mass of dark wings kneeling on the hard ground.

A mass of dark wings that you could recognize with only the sound of them.

“Azriel,” you whispered, watching as he breathed heavily, clutching his bleeding hand. He was surrounded by small sprays of crimson blood and clear sweat, painting the floor a muted color. His expression was...pained, haunted.

It was his right hand he was clutching.

“Azriel,” you said again, a bit louder that time, and picked up your stride. He hinted at no recognition.

Your own pained hand was long forgotten.

You reached him quickly, kneeling down beside him and touching his shoulders gently. You turned him to look at you, tempted to finally understand the exact feeling of his face slightly stubbled, but his head remained low.

“Azriel, what the fu -” you began, but were unable to form another syllable when his golden eyes connected with yours.

He looked up at you like a boy, a little boy, who had been pushed too far. And yet, at the same time, the Azriel who quickened your heart with only a glance was still there, giving his face and body the look of what you could only describe as a young, bleeding god. Covered in sweat and tears and blood, his hair soaked with the same alloy, he was a fallen angel, begging for mercy.

His eyes said to you make it stop. Please, make it end.

“Az,” you whispered, and he fell into your arms.

Your brain instantly tore you in half. You had never felt so overjoyed and crestfallen in the same moment.

His face was pressed against your collarbone as he began to weep, and his arms wrapped around your waist. He was timid at first, waiting for you to push him away, but you didn’t. Your body molded him to you, pressing him against you and holding him like glass. He was shaking, sweating, and bleeding all over you, enough that blood dripping from his mouth had begun to soak through your shirt. You closed your eyes and held him impossibly closer, and brought your still throbbing hand up to the back of his neck.

Every part of his body that you could feel was warm - too warm.

“Azriel,” you whispered, your voice suddenly cracking at the effort to speak, “what happened?”

He said nothing.

“Why are you down here, Azriel?” you asked, beginning to rub your fingers along the top of his spine. “Tell me why.”

He inhaled shakily, his hot breath mixing with the heat of his blood still staining you, and tried to speak. Nothing escaped besides another quiet sob.

This Spymaster, Illyrian warrior, the strongest there had ever been, was shattering in your arms.

“Please just tell me,” you whispered again. It was your own way of begging him to get up again, be the male who never cracked, never crumbled. He was a rock - he was always a rock - and seeing him like this was scaring the living shit out of you.

He had to have caught on, because after a few shaky breaths, he whispered quietly enough for only you to hear. “Because I can still smell him on you.”

Your eyes widened, and a copper taste coated your tongue.

“You...” you whimpered, “you smell him?”

Suddenly Azriel pushed himself off you and looked at you with something other than pain and hurt.

It was...you didn’t know what it was.

“Yes,” he replied, his bloodied, broken hand trembling, “that’s all I can fucking smell and see. I can’t stop it. No matter what I do, I can’t stop it.”

You recalled Rhysand’s words from the past, about Feyre.

When I would feel her on Tamlin, he said, it was all I could see. I couldn’t stop it.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Azriel continued, “my chest...it hurts.”

It was all in my chest, Rhysand had said, the pain was, at least, The rest was somewhere deeper, like it was engrained in me. The wrongness of it was inside of me.

“It’s inside of me, Y/N.” Azriel’s mouth was dripping blood now, adding to the mural he had painted on the floor, “I don’t...your hand?”

You looked down at your limp one, and back up at him.

“You...you felt it?” he asked, referring to the shattering of his own bones.

You nodded, tears streaming down your cheeks, but from something other than pain. Your voice was breathy and perfumed with triumph as you traced the pattern in both Az and Rhys’s words. “Yes.”

Azriel’s defeated eyes suddenly lit with curiosity. “How...how is that possi -” 

“The pain’s right here, isn’t it?” you interrupted him, putting your left hand on the area right beneath your breasts. “Right here?”

You moved your hand to the same area on his chest, and he nodded. 

“It burns, doesn’t it?”

“Everywhere,” he agreed.

You nodded. “It’s deep, like in your bones it feels -”

“- wrong.” He completed your sentence for you.

You smiled, big enough to wrinkle your irises, and kissed him.

He was bloody and hot, but you kissed him anyway, hard enough for drops of it to begin to drip down your lips as well.

You pulled away and took his injured hand in yours. “Why do you think I was with Ozia in the first place?”

Azriel’s voice was quiet and unsure. “I... I don’t know.”

“Because he was as close to you as I could get,” you said with a chuckle. “I thought, after a century, there was no hope. That the Cauldron destined you for someone else. I figured, if I couldn’t have you, I would drown the grief in someone who I could pretend was you.”

His eyes widened, and he licked his bloodied lips before asking, “Did it work?”

You chuckled back and kissed his cheek. “Not even close.”

With your lips still buzzing, he pulled you in for another kiss, and finally - finally - the cracks in your chest bloomed into a bond. It was soothing, spreading itself over all the wounds that remained open from a century of festering, and replaced them with a garden of roses. The feeling stretched itself around your body, wrapping you in a cocoon of solace. You had been carrying the ache of an untethered line in your body, and it had finally found its dock.

He kissed you softly, holding back enough to prove to you of his uncertainty, before you pulled away and mumbled, “I feel it too.”

He swallowed and smiled, enough to crinkle the skin around his eyes and accentuate his dimples. With his blood still dripping from both of your mouths, he said with full confidence, “You’re my mate.”

You wiped the blood from his chin and brushed back the strands of hair sticking to his forehead as you replied, “And you are mine.”

With eyes only filled with love, Azriel said, “So that’s why I wanted to tear his jaw off.”

You smiled and pressed your foreheads together, rubbing your thumb along his cheekbone. Your shattered hands were placed on top of each other on the ground.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you said to him. “I thought the pain I felt was merely jealousy, and I was with Ozia to escape from it. If I knew you were experiencing it too, or if I was honest from the beginning, you never would have gotten hurt.”

You leaned back to look him in the eye as you said, “I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I left you to do the route alone. I am sorry for all of it.”

He only smiled. “I had every opportunity to be honest too, and I didn’t take it. This isn’t your fault.’

You nodded, but he kissed you again. “This isn’t your fault.”

 You kissed him back, showing him you believed him through your tongue and teeth.

You had dreamed of this moment, internalized every spat of poetry Rhysand and Cassian had iterated about the feeling of it, but nothing could have prepared you to know the feeling of being honestly, rawfully, and purely loved.

 Taglist (if you’d like to be added please let me know!)

@leahkenobi  @notquitehero @lovelyladymayyy @seraphqueen @em---r @azaideen @katiebellf @llovelydove @tinasbookishlife @xxpeachyxo @evlyncelia @icarusave @forever-paramore28 @peachyxlynch @feyretopia @wingedmiken @moonslattes @hollyismentallyillhelp @esposadomd @redhighlady @bsenpai-blog @buttercake2234 @perssepeony @whor-3-crux @avengerswhre @mystic-sculpture @wolfyland7 @are-y0u-serious-blog @hilism @tooobsessedsstuff @simplysensual @hernameispa @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @i-am-fascinated @seraphimluxe @just-living5 @saphiraprince22 @azsazz​ @thatonespriteobsessedbitch​ @moisyinfluencerstrawberry @bigcreatorwombatdreamer​ 

[greenerteacups]

Hi! I am an ardent fan of your writing, and I hope to be as sorted and planned as you some day in my own writing journey.

My question is: you have a keen eye when it comes to planning character personality, dynamics, and such. I've also been wading through your ask replies, and your insights into how you write people and how you make them play off of each other is so wonderful to read. If it's not too personal a q, how did you learn how to write like this? Did you go to school for writing, does it come from years of observing people, do you have reading list recs for "how to write real people and real interactions"?

Thanks! This is a really flattering question. I'll try to answer it honestly, because I wish someone had been brutally honest about this with me when I was a young writer.

I didn't go to school for writing. I started doing it when I was about nine years old. It sucked very badly. I kept writing throughout high school, and it still mostly sucked, but some of it was occasionally interesting. ("Interesting" here does not mean "good," by the way.) I took a break in college, and then came back. I've been writing ever since. Sometimes, I feel good about it. A lot of the time, I don't!

I hate giving this advice, because I remember how it feels to get it, and it's the most uninspiring, boring-ass, dog shit advice you can get, but it's also the only advice that is 100% unequivocally true: you have to write, and specifically, you have to write things that suck.

I do not mean that you should make things that suck on purpose. I mean that you have to sit down and try your absolute hardest to make something good. You have to put in the hours, the elbow grease, the blood, sweat, and tears, and then you have to read it over and accept that it just totally sucks. There is no way around this, and you should be wary of people who tell you there is. There is no trick, no rule, no book you can buy or article you can read, that will make your writing not suck. The best someone else can do is tell you what good writing looks like, and chances are, you knew that anyway — after all, you love to read. You wouldn't be trying to do this if you didn't. And anyone who says they can teach you to write so good it doesn't suck at first is either lying to you, or they have forgotten how they learned to write in the first place.

So the trick is to sit there in the miserable doldrums of Suck, write a ton, and learn to like it. Because this is the phase of your path as an artist when you find what it is you love about writing, and it cannot be the chance to make "good writing." This will be the thing that bears you through and compels you to keep going when your writing is shit, i.e., the very thing that makes you a writer in the first place. So find that, and you've got a good start.

Some people know this, but assume that perseverance as a writer is about trying to get to the point where you don't suck anymore. This is not true, and it is an actively dangerous lie to tell young writers. You are not aiming to feel like your writing doesn't suck. You are aiming to write. You are aiming to have written. Everything else is dust and rust. And of course, you'll find things you like about your pieces, you'll find things you're proud of, you'll learn to love the things you've made. But that little itch of self-criticism, in the back of your brain — the one that cringes when you read a clunky line, or thinks of a better character beat right after it's far too late to change — that's never going away. That's the Writer part of you. Read Kafka, read Dickens, read Tolstoy, you will find diary entries where they lament how absolutely fucking atrocious their writing was, and how angry they are that they can't do better. A good writer hates their sentences because they can always imagine better ones. And the ability to imagine a better sentence is what's going to make you pick up the pen again tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Which is what I mean, and probably what all those other annoying, preachy advice-givers mean, when we say: a good writer is just someone who writes every day. It's that easy, and that hard.

[ego-meliorem-esse]

I feel like Francis and Arthur would do that thing with baby Matthew that people do where they put the dog in the middle and both call for it to see who it loves more haha. Except neither of them really care who Matthew loves, they just want to spite the other. Arthur wants to show off Matthews obedience to him and Francis wants to very smugly undermine that. Matthew gets a brief moment of thinking they both desperately want him. The illusion shatters very quickly.

wow mate you're almost more brutal in your interpretation of their relationship than me. Don't get me wrong, what I'm trying to interpret here is that as Matt for all intents and purposes was lonely and frankly miserable with his bio father, the frog. However I do not think François outright didn't care or love Matt. He, did but in his own distant and Empire-y way. What 'm trying to portray is that Matt didn't get love. He didn't feel it. He felt nothing coming from his papa. Whether or not François felt love for his firstborn and only son is irrelevant when it comes to Matt and his experiences. His experience is that where love should be, has always been a tabula rasa. I am a bit of a softie (unimaginable lol) and I am keen on making François feel love in a sense of "Yeah you're my son. I love you but you are a bit boring, and I have court stuff to do". And what I've mentioned is a few asks is that François is only realising his assholery when it's too late, and the boy has found a father to replace his biological one. In the modern era they may even reconnect slightly, they may even meet to get coffee, during a meeting break they might smoke outside the building together in silence, Matt even might stay over at his pops place during a summit week in Paris.

the ignition of remorse may even begin in the vast and smooth void of François' mind.

As for Arthur, he expects the boy to be useful. In 1763 and maybe a few years after that, he feels as if he has a mini François in the house. Until ofcourse he realises that he is angry at this boy sitting opposite of him despite the child having never even uttered a single word, not even made a disagreeable face at that. He softenes up to the boy eventualy. A decade later he starts to not see his enemys face every time he looks at this scared child. Canada indeed is expensive, and England is an Empire. Therefore, the colony WILL be useful. Has to be. Otherwise. That's his mindset, at least for a while. Granted that while lasts a long time but by the modern era Matt his his closest confidante, a friend, and a son. And by god, blood, sweat and tears have been shed for those titles by Matthew. He was needed when he entered those trenches clean, shaved and anxious, he was loved when he left the trenches covered in blood, a broken spirit, with half of his previous eyesight intact.

Not because he risked everything, but because he was willing to.

[ceruleancattail]

So... Who is ur fav in each respective dorm?

OMG THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS ALRIGHT OK!!! ANON I COULD HUG YOU RN-

Always super happy for any chance for me to ramble-

I’m going to assume you mean in a general platonic sense, because my answers for that differ from the characters I love in a romantic sense-

Spoiler warning!

Also, these are all totally my own feelings, and if you disagree with them, it’s completely alright!

Alright, my favourite characters per dorm and why:

________________________________

Heartsabyul dorm: Ace Trappola

Alright, let me be real. The first time he appeared in the game? I wanted to sock his face in. Like, my dude, I am literally just cleaning the floor. Why are you getting all up in my face for, jerkass?

Which already shows how well written his character was. I was ready to reach into the screen and throttle his neck. Now that? That’s a raw, visceral reaction to what essentially is a string of text and a jpg. I immediately liked him as a character.

I do love, love, love the way how’s he’s written as this dude with blustering confidence, a joker with an insane amount of cards up his sleeves… well, at least the Ace he wants to portray. In the story, he has his dorky little mess-ups and they make him a little realistic in my opinion.

Also him making fun of his friends? That’s very real of him, honestly. Although for all the jokes he cracks, he does care about the friendships he fosters in Night Raven College, as seen from the end of Scarabia’s chapter, where he actually comes running with Deuce to Yuu’s position. He also offers to catch Grim, albeit at the expense of your wallet.

There have been so many instances in the story where he’s shown concern for the people around him. He’s an asshole, but he’s also a guy you’ll trust to come for you when you’re at your lowest.

Of course, expect some snark from that silver tongue of his. But he’ll still be there for you.

He may be a jerk, but Ace also has an insanely strong sense of personal justice. He laughs and heckles others, all jokes and merriment… until something crosses the line.

In the Heartsabyul chapter, when Riddle throws the tart aside for no other reason but “abiding by the rules” ? Ace snaps back.

That might just have been his pride talking, but I believe that deep down, Ace knows what’s fair, even if the rules have to be bent for that regard. He’ll fight for what he believes in, as proven from the spoken spat he got into with Riddle.

I think that’s very admirable.

________________________________

Savanaclaw dorm: Jack Howl

I care about this guy. Very much.

Alright, where the hell do I begin? What drew me to Jack at first was his attitude. The gruff, no-nonsense attitude earned him brownie points in my books immediately. Considering my first encounter with the people of this world was, in order: a cat with flames as earwax, a man in a bird mask, and literal cards? This dog boy got my attention at once.

In the Savanaclaw dorm, I was pleasantly surprised when he was so… firm about not cheating. Jack stood strong, even when tempted by promises of an easy win. Staying firm on your choice, when an entire dorm is against you? Look, these are the people you see everyday. Your pack, if you’ll like to use that term.

That hard-headiness of Jack Howl is one of his best qualities. I love the way Jack trains like there’s no tomorrow. He knows that to gain what he wants, he has to put in some quantity of effort for it. And that’s exactly what he does. Hell, he even goes above and beyond.

He’s the literal example of blood, sweat, and tears, and I respect that about him.

But of course, no one’s perfect. I feel that one of his flaws would be an inability to be honest about his feelings towards people. The way he’s so round-about with his feelings, often coming up with very badly-thought-through excuses to help others out… it’s a flaw, but it’s still an endearing one.

I think he’s just a good boy. ‘Nuff said.

________________________________

Octavinelle dorm: Azul Ashengrotto

Surprise surprise! It’s Azul.

Maybe it’s not too much of a surprise, actually. Azul Ashengrotto, the man, the myth, the legend. He’s a guy who’s literally fought for everything he is now.

Being bullied for something you are sucks. It does alot of harm to a person’s self esteem, especially at a young age. When a person is in that sort of situation, it’s very easy to fall into a victimising mindset, and blame the bullies for everything.

Azul literally snapped and fought back. He changed himself, he spent hours on self-improvement. Clawing at everything he can reach, in order to never be viewed as that octopus hiding in a pot ever again. Now, I’m not saying that this is the best response to being bullied, but I still respect Azul for all the effort he puts in.

Also all those business smarts? There’s a reason why that guy is running the entire Octavinelle dorm. You need to have insane determination to be able to run a restaurant, keep track of a dorm, as well as stay on top of your schoolwork. Azul excels in almost every subject, and the notes he sold?

He had to analyse every school paper, the literal syllabus itself to come up with something as helpful as it was. Also, he had to print it and bind it. Mass produce this product.

The devil works hard, but Azul works harder.

I also admire his adaptability. During beanfest, he knows that his physical ability cannot match up some of the crazies in Night Raven College. So does he throw in the towel and give in?

NO! He literally engineers a freaking net to capture his prey. Azul becomes so much more dangerous in a corner, because he’ll do anything to tear his opponent right off their high horse.

I respect that. A lot.

________________________________

Scarabia dorm: Kalim Al Asim

Fuckkkkkk, you’re actually making me chose? Scarabia’s literally my favourite dorm. There’s just something about “people stuck in a narrative that they’re born into,” that’s so appealing to me.

However if I had to choose, I love Kalim.

The golden child, the one who was born with the entire silver culinary set shoved into his mouth. I think people really focus on his whole “sunshine boy” personality a lot. But you have to understand that that smile comes from a lot of denial.

One of his voice lines is literally just him denying his feelings, before asking about yours. Kalim knows he is privileged financially. He knows the envy people throw at him, the way they elevate him onto a pedestal. Try to sympathise with someone?

He’s probably told that people like him wouldn’t understand. He’s probably been told that he’s lucky, he won’t encounter problems in life due to his family.

He’s been told that he’s a fortunate person so many times, that it’s become a label slapped onto him, covering everything else Kalim actually is.

I want to see what’s under that smiling face of his. Kalim’s just such an interesting character to me.

________________________________

Pomefiore dorm: Vil Schoenheit

He’s the moment, he’s the icon, he’s everything-

Jokes, but seriously, though. Vil is such an insanely well-written character, that all I can describe him as is: awe-inspiring.

My respect for this man was solidified when he told Epel “are you seriously gendering movements?” Which really shows how much he does not give a shit about societal gender norms. Vil pursues beauty, no matter the shape or form. He doesn’t let society’s preconceived notions of what people should or should not do influence him in any regard.

He knows what he wants, and he’s willing to give anything for that goal. For all his insanely high standards and requirements, he holds himself to that same rigid standard he sets for the entire Pomefiore dorm.

Also the moment he plunged in just for Idia? A guy who literally kidnapped him? Who tried to attack them? And turning old in the process? Whoever said Vil was only about material beauty can step the hell up, I’m going to fist fight your ass!!!!

Also him crying about his older looks afterwards show how human Vil still is, even behind all the fame and the glory. Vil is still just a person, behind the screen.

10/10 presentation of character. I love him very much.

________________________________

Ignihyde Dorm: Idia Shroud

I want to dissect his brain and find out what exactly makes this guy tick. Like he’s just such a guy to me. He gets anxious talking to people, and just treats them as otherworldly beings he doesn’t understand.

The way he’s like: oh no the extrovert squad- Idia like me for real, for real. All jokes aside, what I really like about Idia is that he might just be one of the most level-headed guys in Night Raven College.

During the whole chapter 6 grab-your-favourite-overblot-boy, Idia understands what exactly is happening. He was with Azul, and Azul was ready to fight back/or at least offer some resistance. Idia takes the situation calmly, and tells Azul to surrender.

He may have a bit of a negative view on things, but he does consider every scenario, and picks the one that is the “best” scenario.

Jumping to his negative views on things, I feel that it’s because Idia really thinks of every possible way everyday situations could go. Maybe he thinks too much, but I can understand that. Thoughts tend to spiral, especially after some time.

Maybe it’s the guilt from causing the incident with Ortho.

Maybe it’s just Idia.

Who knows?

I want to find out. I’m putting this guy in a test tube and running experiments on him.

________________________________

Diasonmia dorm: Sebek Zigvolt

I have not played the lastest release of chapter 7. Will I play it? Yes. When? That’s a question better left unanswered.

HOWEVER! I have limited knowledge of my crocodile and an unbelievably big cocky head, so I’ll just write whatever I want. Based on? Vibes.

I really really love the conflict he has as a character. The way he seems to only address humans as their species, besides being one himself. How does he live with both sides of himself? How does Sebek come to terms with that? Like I feel that’s an interesting take on a guard of the fae. Someone who’s part of both worlds, but stays loyal to the fae side of him.

Also him being loud whenever he’s excited is such a neat little detail. Whenever he’s mad, he’s excited, he’s happy, Sebek just has to say it. He’s so painfully honest that it’s refreshing, especially in Night Raven College. Honesty is a virtue, and Sebek is oozing with it.

I really, really like his devotion to his family, even if that grudgingly means Silver. As much as Sebek gripes about him, you can see that he really does care about his sleepy brother. The way he blusters his speech contrasts immensely with the care he treats Silver with, and that’s so real for siblings my dude.

His loyalty to Malleus is stifling, but I do understand where Sebek’s coming from. For most of his life, he grew up in Briar Valley, right? A place where the Fae belong. For him to diss his own human side as intensely as he does, Sebek probably heard and internalised this viewpoint from a young age. How canon is this? I don’t know. I’m yapping.

Malleus is the prince of a fae. Royalty to the fae. Maybe that’s why Sebek cares and admires him so much. Because to him, that is perfection. Which smoothers Malleus quite a bit, because he’s literally being hurled into a throne by Sebek. Worshipped, even. There’s love there, yes, but could it be too much?

That level of devotional admiration Sebek gives Malleus is so interesting to see as well. I think Sebek needs to ease up on the whole “hero-worship” thing, but is he even capable of it?

I don’t know. I’ll like to find out though!

Sebek my dear sweet boy, let me pick your brain-

[delunesnumberonefan]

sketch time

you will sit down. you will look at my horrible little women. And You Will Appreciate Them

no this is NOT going under a cut you will see the blood sweat and tears i put into belialah's demon form and you will appreciate it, me, and saskia's off the charts world class monsterfucker status

we got saskia. we're familiar with saskia--or at least you should be. go look at the art by korppipoika and give them so many notes--this post will wait. and while you're out, look at the post about the matriarchs too. and if you're not up to date on saskia and belialah, here's another one for your list. i'll be here when you get back.

up to date? excited? horny? me too!!

so we got those two. in order for the images: saskia (recent), belialah (first draft, still happy with this and haven't been able to capture this vision since)

we got their dynamic:

saskia being a bitch and belialah being, despite everything, head over heels. still can't quite nail belialah's human face, but we're learning

...it took me a long time to nail down belialah's demon form. it went through a lot of drafts---many of which i am not sharing. this one is the oldest one i'm willing to share:

i believe this is draft 3? patch notes from earlier drafts: 4 fingers instead of three, took out "humanoid" eyes, added floaty halo bits. other than that, this is what it's mostly stayed true to. chase gave me an inspo and i remixed it and made it worse because i love body horror. so we have this! extra joint between the wrist and elbow, loads and loads of eyes, sharp teeth (yum!), wings, and a broken halo plus the big horn. love her. she has spider legs below her waist--she has "skirts" that are made from her skin that she usually wears (has?) over them.

made some eensy sketches for ideas:

i tinkered on size, proportion, posture, etc. it's vague, but not exact for either of them. i want a bigger height difference and this is for me first and foremost

i settled on this body type for saskia:

no nipples so she's not naked :) this is for anatomy reference, tumblr. ANATOMY. be so nice to me ;-;

ignore the stuff at the edges, this is part of a larger project idk if i'll finish where i look at all the matriarchs and their body types. saskia is the most...well, besides ethalind, the most hourglass shape. this is the most recent drawing of her i have besides the one at the very end, this is the one i would say is most canon. hence why it is included--the last one i have doesn't quite hit right for me. still working on consistency.

as i improved my art, i wanted to take another stab at belialah. which meant figuring out her lower half.

i did these ones reeaaally recently. i looked at so many things for inspo: crabs, spiders, human pelvises, centaur speculative biology, drider speculative biology, an introspective look at how much of a monsterfucker i am, etc. until i found something i was happy with. these are within the last few days. the lil sketches at the far bottom right of the first page are what i settled on. after that, i tinkered with how she looks with skirts vs no skirts---ignore the sword, it's no longer accurate to what it actually looks like, but that's endgame shit and no spoilers :)

i'm really happy with how she's turned out and i think she's kickass and awesome and i can't wait to beat her and saskia into the ground.

and then we have:

team gaslight gatekeep girlboss :)

i drew this last night!! really happy with how my art is coming along. i hesitated on whether to draw the skirts, because i think the spider legs are so fucking cool and i know logically the skirts are there but tbh its funner drawing the spider legs than the skirts :(

i want to make it very clear: belialah is submissive in the way a guard dog is submissive, to quote a post i once tagged as gilt and lost. belialah is loyal, devoted, willing to protect--but will wait for an order before acting

btw, to make something else clear: saskia? saw the demon form first. is more attracted to the demon form than the human form. is far more willing to smash with belialah in demon form. i love my weirdest little freak of a woman <3

ok that's all bye

[honey-fickle]

green text

in a dream last night

you sent me a text

in two parts

separated by two lines

i hadn't hurt you

except by moving on

both our hands were clean

and free to finally touch

i woke and wished it was real

i just want another mixtape

and then i'll drop it

i thought about you drunk

that video of you

calling my name over and over

like a foghorn (siren call)

i was 4 hours drive away

and i got up to lace my shoes

in the middle of the night

to run to you

oh dear lord please help me kill you

all you have become is a story

to stop before it reaches the presses

lest i follow the steam bursting clouds

above the factory where they hold you

and force myself into the machine

to wrench out the picture of you

that got stuck in the jam

that made the ink leak

all over my hands

and stain me with you like the

notebook you had

covered in my name

a conjuring

a blatant smoke signal

that filled my lungs

and consumed me for weeks

with an insatiable hunger

to go through your drawers

that compelled me to howl

yelp and scream and cry

to show you i was there for claiming

but you were too scared

to dig in your claws

because you weren't ready

to be a father like your father wasn't

but who at that age

is ready for that?

really all i needed from you was to be my first

to be your first

to belong to each other in that way and that way only

to look back when i get older

and have children with somebody else

and remember us still mostly clothed and clinging

and be thankful that was how i gave it

how i got it

i am still thankful

it was all beautiful

but it wasn't you

you were long gone by then

i dripped and it fell onto the fingertips of a stranger

i felt an urge to collect myself

bundle up the parts of my body i left strewn across her floor

and drag myself to your door

to kneel before you

palms up, in offering

my body, bone, blood, tears, sweat,

and the new thing i had just discovered

for you to devour

and regurgitate

as soon as you realised

you needed to see me in front of you

wait, maybe that's it.

maybe you couldn't take me apart

because you couldn't put me back together after

i would have given you a whole lifetime

to study my composition

i would have waited

if you had let me

twenty and a half years

if it meant

(at the end)

you could end my world

and build me a new one.

i could have been your dad, your dog, your punching bag

you only let me be your dictionary, your lamp, or on a good day a key

who will you lean on when your mother is gone?

because last we spoke

your only friend was a leech

and when you can no longer spare

blood for him to drink

who will be left

holding you up

to face it all?

[lifeline4me-blog]

Separating seems very odd to me. 21 years of marriage, 3 great boys. Two Chocolate Labs(2, and 1), oh don’t forget my mother in law who lives with us in our home same address y’all, for 12 long long longggggg years. Then one day what worked great yesterday willl never ever work good again. How did we get here. Now I know I’m not asking any questions that all or most separated or divorced men and women haven’t already said, but when it becomes ABOUT MY STORY, MY MARRIAGE…..MY DOWNFALL…..MY SEPARATION…..it all seems so stupid. So I put the work, blood, sweat and tears into you us our marriage, Our children, and then just like that, I open my eyes and I don’t see my love. The man that protects me, always my night in shining armor. No all I see standing in front of me is this horrible man this man that gave up on me, on our family. For what ? Was it worth it ? I guess it was or we wouldn’t be buying separate houses having our kids and dogs only 50 percent of their lives now. I can’t wrap my head around not seeing them everyday. so now I don’t have my home my husband my kids my dogs my yard my back deck that I love so so so much. Nope it’s all gone it’s no longer appropriate to call it our home or my home and it will never ever feel the same again. I am so in love with this man, how how is that even possible. How is it possible to hate someone so much that it physically has taken its toll on me. I weight 90 lbs and I’m scared y’all. Im scared that I will never find anyone to love me as much as I have loved him. I feel betrayed I got older looking I don’t really like going to bars anymore you still do I’m so content with standing in front of the bbq outside with my favorite music blasting and having all of our kids outside talking with their friends. That is licking to me. Yes I went out on date nights and they always ended the same way, me crying in bed because my husband won’t touch me.

[bitesu-bitesu-bitesu]

we had to put my dog to sleep. our vet, the trainer we worked with for years now, suggested it's the best thing we could do for him. I told her about my nightmares, my anxiety attacks prior to our walks, the fear making my eyes twitch, because I knew I couldn't keep everyone safe forever, the sharp pain in my chest when I thought about his condition. the joy and the happy tears in my eyes when he was alright. when he was safe. safe from all the pain he was going through even if just for hours, when we had calm moments and he could fall asleep, his head in my lap. the excited jumps, when we saw no one was in the park except for us. it was just us in the whole world. watching for intruders from the corner of my eye, looking out for any movement so that I could spare him the anxiety. I told her about how I wished for a world where we could be happy together. where we could go on walks without fear churning my stomach. without him needing to wear all the gear he had to. he bit a woman 1,5 years ago. he broke the muzzle to do so. he wanted to protect me. I wasn't in danger. none of us were in danger. the woman needed 3 separate surgeries. I payed the fines and hoped, crying my eyes out that he wouldn't be taken from me. that I could protect him from the world, and the world from him. that I could do better, be stronger. this was after he bit me. thrice. there's a spall patch in one of my tattoos missing. i bear a mark on one of my breasts and my inner thigh. I know he didn't mean it. he was just so frustrated, me being the one stopping him from letting it out. I didn't hurt that bad. the knowledge that he was in pain hurt worse. I know he didn't mean any of this. we collected him from an empty apartment 4 years ago on a fall evening. some monster of a human put him there, alone, afraid without food or water, collar cutting into his skin. he was then the size of his head when I last saw him. they dropped him off from a dog fighting ranch, because he wouldn't have been a good enough fighter. we didn't know this back then. we just saw a little creature with puffed up belly, lacking a proper name. we named him Brave. he was so brave for surviving. and here I am now, knowing now, that all the sweat, blood, and tears of mine couldn't save his life, his neural pathways wired to prey, wired to keep the one person safe from any danger, be it real or not. wired to kill. dramatic as it may sound, this was the final verdict. he was a big dog. huge teeth, muscles rippling regal under his skin. his soft fur brushing my face as he curled up with me on the floor. countless tears making him wet on the back, wrapping my entire body around him. he was beautiful. he was my beautiful dog. I was so proud of him. whether we made progress or not. and I'm forever grateful for our trainers for bearing with us, fighting for us until the last moment and after. for making it easier for him. we tried everything. years of training. medication. we moved to a quieter neighborhood hoping it would be better for him. and it was. I believe it was. it wasn't enough though. nothing could be enough. the trainer told me I'd feel better with time, that this was the right thing to do, that he couldn't have a safe, calm life, and I did everything that could be done and more. that she respected my resilience. and that my heart would feel lighter as time passed. I know she's right. I held him as he fell asleep. looking at me from the corner of his eye until he fell asleep. holding him, like I did before countless times. to make him feel safe. I loved him with my whole being and my heart broke for him again and again. it still does. nobody can hurt him now. he can never be unhappy again. no pain for him anymore.

let this be a cautionary tale. destroy all dog fighting rings. burn them down and salt the earth after.

[verawhisk]

my dear friend. i am so mentally exhausted and have shed literal tears tonight. i am so happy. i will catch up on everything you’ve posted for tonight in the morning, but what were ur thotz abt tonight <3

omg hi you dont have to do that! you’re too nice to me rosey. besides i turned into a little autistic creature last night lolol, sorry y’all had to witness that. but im so glad you saw that card! it was INSANE!! i was so prepared for it to be not that great because 2022 has kinda sucked in terms of fights yknow? just lots of dubious, weird moments with injuries and strange decisions within the organization and ofc its not the fighters’ faults but still i was so ready for this to be bad

luckily it was actually amazing all the way from the start of prelims to the end of the main event!! it was incredible!! they said it broke the record for first round finishes! i just cant believe the show they all put on… they have so much heart and courage, every single one of them

i was actually considering not buying the ppv this time because 280 was so bad LOL could you imagine if i didnt buy it? i would have missed possibly the best card this entire year

first of all i was so overcome with joy when dan got the win over puelles, i was damn near crying hahah. i mean a win over costco ryan hall is not SUPER impressive but who cares?? THAT’S MY BOY!! HE’S SO CUTE!! and i want him in perth dammit. give him his flowers dana. (fun fact: i started watching mma mainly because i watched the conor vs. urijah season of tuf and i thought ryan hall was so cool LMAO)

(this crusty ahh drawing from 2021…. yup i thought he was super cool and im kinda sad that he’s less active than other fighters but if i were offered a fight with ryan hall i’d probably turn it down too)

as for frankie vs. gutierrez my stomach dropped when he landed that knee bruh. what the hell was that? bro HAD to know that was frankie’s last fight and to do that to him in front of his family is just sick… i mean good on him for not sandbagging just for someone else’s career to go out on a nice note but did you have to finish him that brutally?? idk man maybe im just a casual but he deserves more than that

poirier vs. chandler… im not even exaggerating when i say that fight made me nearly puke and pass out bro. i got fucked up sweat glands so your girl can’t sweat but if she could she woulda been DRIPPING from head to toe last night LOL. guys i think the reason i went so crazy was because i actually mentally prepared myself for the fight to be bad, for real. that’s genuinely what i did. i went into the fight telling myself that there was a well and good possibility that michael might actually just wrassle him into a decision and i was all good with it because i was still gonna like them no matter what. but HOLY CRAP i need to remind myself to never doubt them ever again because that was AMAZING!!!! start to finish was just an absolute dog fight. they looked so exhausted and broken and blood was pouring everywhere and michael was tossing dustin like a bag of flour only for said bag of flour to start raining punches on him (a la justin gaethje lol) and it was fucking incredible and i cant believe it really happened. not to mention the alvarez-chandler-gaethje-poirier circle of violence is finally complete hahah omg it feels unreal. and i can't believe dustin finished ALL of them.. he's so classy and talented and handsome lul he's really the perfect fighter

but hol on i wanna mention michael cheating because i’m not gonna lie that really made me question him?? not that iron michael chandler cares about what some delusional mma fan in canada thinks about him LMAO but still he always carries himself like a professional athlete everywhere he goes and he seems to pride himself on his ability to stand out among the fighters who don’t have the speaking style or the business etiquette that he does, so when he went into the fight and started pounding on the back of his head and actually HOOKING HIS FINGERS on the inside of dustin’s mouth trying to make him show his neck, it made me scratch my head because why are you behaving like an olympic athlete in front of the press only to go in the cage and treat your opponent like an abused farm animal lmao?

though im ngl… the idea of this polite, charismatic, american psycho type dude entering the cage and turning on mean ape mode is actually fucking hilarious? and he’s kind of more interesting to me now?? so i guess it doesn’t really matter that my opinion of him went down a little hahah silly observation but there’s my two cents. i’m still super impressed by both of them and they both have my heart at the end of the day

during weili vs carla i was playing runescape. i’m so sorry. i was just tryna level up my fishing i really have no clue what happened other than that weili finished carla because she’s really awesome and she kicks ass and i feel really bad that i wasn't paying attention IM SORRY LMAO!! my social credit score is in massive danger rn

izzy vs pereira had me biting my nails into little shreds because i could feel exactly what they were feeling. alex is just one of those “one clean hit and you’re out” fighters but izzy is obviously still a master of striking so watching those exchanges was like watching two people balancing on a plank over shark-infested waters lolol it was crazy nerve wracking. however y’all know that i was rooting for alex so i am super duper happy and i can’t wait to see who challenges him next!! tbh i’d prefer anybody but khamzat because if he really does move up to middleweight and becomes alex’s first challenger he’s fucked lmao cries… please start training in dagestan alex thank u <3

thanks for asking me ahh it really means a lot to me that you actually care about what i think. :D let me know what you thought about it too!!

[dorefasolsido]

2.

1. What are you doing at this exact moment? (I want details, people!)

Details, okay. Sitting on the floor in the living room and doing a survey on my laptop while half listening to this true crime video my sister is watching. Occasionally checking my phone too.

2. The one song you will never get sick of? Additionally, any song recommendations?

I feel like there are sooo many songs I won’t get sick of. But I’ll go with Blood Sweat & Tears by BTS -- that song is just *chef’s kiss*. Alsooo, Jimin’s whole new album is fantastic, so that’s my recommendation.

3. Name everything you have ever wanted to be (occupations and random things, like animals!)

Oof, I’m pretty sure I won’t even be able to remember it all. But here goes nothing: writer, translator, chocolate factory owner, astronaut, archaeologist, Santa Claus, teacher, wizard in Harry Potter, actor, singer, artist, and ever since I got a cat, I’ve really wanted to switch places with it too.

4. What is the best fanfic you have ever read?

Ahahah so honestly, I only read really bad fanfics since I find them so funny. When I was younger I used to read some good ones too. But at this stage of my life, the more messy they are, the better. My absolute favourite of all time is My Immortal and well, it’s not good per se, but it’s a work of art.

5. Name every fandom you have ever been in! 

I’m a fan of many things but I used to avoid fandoms, so it’s only recently that I’ve actually got involved in a few. So I’d say just AoT fandom (a complete mess btw) and Army.

6. What is the saddest movie you have ever watched? Additionally, movie recommendations?

Any films where dogs die or watch their owners die, like, why. I think I cried my soul out watching Hachi and I’m not even much of a crier normally.

As for movie recs, Oldboy. Korean version though. Thank me or curse me later.

7. If you could direct your own TV show/movie, what would it be like?

I’d probably go for psychological horror with some really bizarre twist or so.

8. The cringiest account/fan account you’ve ever made? (oh god) 

I didn’t really have any, I think. There was a time I had this weird Google+ account where I followed anime pages and even became an admin of one, but I don’t think there was anything super cringy there.

...I hope.

9. What’s your aesthetic? Describe it to us.

I’m not really sure I even have an aesthetic, but I’m like a mixture of K-pop and rock/alternative/grunge scene with a little dash of Halloween (so, all in all, lots of black clothes).

10. One thing you’ve always wished you could do / be good at?

Dancing or painting.

11. Put a picture of your best (or your worst!) fanart/drawing ever!

I only do little chibi doodles here and there but they’re all pretty horrible lol

12. The best book you have ever read? Additionally, any book recommendations?

Oof, that’s a hard one. I guess one of my all-time favourites is The Trial by Kafka, but I have to mention Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata because I feel like that book both fully understands me and also changed my entire outlook on life. It’s really short too, so everyone can and should read it!

13. Most exotic food you’ve ever had?

Idk, I don’t think I’ve eaten anything too exotic. I guess octopus is kind exotic in these parts, so I’ll go with that.

14. Post a picture of the weirdest/funniest text conversation you’ve ever had!

I don’t really save pictures of my convos with friends and I won’t go looking for anything now.

15. Random fun fact about you!

Last summer at 4 am in the morning, I decided to just chop off my bangs, so I grabbed regular kitchen scissors and did it, no planning, no idea what I’m doing, no nothing. Surprisingly, they turned out okay -- not the best, but acceptable. I shudder to think what could’ve been now that I actually watched some tutorials and know how I'm supposed to do it.

16. What do you think of me?

You’re a real engima.

17. Do you have any fake names? Pseudonyms? Idk, stage names, street names? If not, what would it be?

Nah, and I don’t know what name I would give myself anyway.

18. What is your idea of a perfect life?

Just having the financial freedom to travel the world whenever I want and health to support such adventures for as long as possible. 

19. Finish the sentence: “Oh, to be a _____”

Cat.

20. Is there a stranger you would like to meet again?

A sweet old woman I met on the bus once who was telling me about her health problems. She was so grateful because I adjusted something on her phone, and I really hope she’s doing better now.

21. Post a picture of you/someone you know doing something weird. Do it, you won’t. Coward. (Obviously the pic doesn’t have to have a face in it)

Nah, I’m definitely a coward

22. Is there a place you feel homesick for even though you’ve never been there? 

So, I wouldn’t really call that homesick, but I desperately want to visit Japan. And sometimes when I watch stuff related to Japan and see the nature and the streets and all, I just go like ;-; take me there already

23. Basic, but what’s your sign?

Leo

24. What sign do you act like? What sign do you wish you were?

Idk for sure, but I always think I act more like my rising sign, Aquarius. And I don’t know which sign I’d like to be, it doesn’t really make a difference to me

25. What is one unusual thing you do?

I’m in the process of making 1000 origami cranes because a legend says you can make a wish once you’re done. I don’t actually know what I’d wish for, but by the time I’m done, I’m sure I’ll figure it out

[purplesurveys]

1586

How are you doing today? Pretty swell. I’m on leave Monday to Wednesday without knowing Thursday is a holiday, so I’m feeling great that I only have to work Friday ;) Not having the usual feeling of doom I get on Sunday evenings is apparently enough.

What is the last song you listened to in a car? All Day by RM and Tablo. I’ve been streaming Indigo nonstop since it came out; it’s almost ridiculous how well-made the album is from start to finish. Not always do you come across a body of art that strongly translates as a labor of love - and not just love in the case of Indigo but of blood, sweat, and tears as well.

Do you like prefer apple cider warm or cold? I don’t even drink that. When did you last feel misunderstood? Haven’t felt that way in a while.

Have you ever visited The Louvre or would you like to? I’d love to but I’ve seen how crowded it can get so tbh I’d be just as fine and content going to less-populated museums.

Have you ever accidentally locked yourself out of your place of residence? Well, not by accident. But there were a handful of afternoons in grade school where I was dropped off by the bus but there had been nobody to open the door (the helper was out). It was whatever and I just hung by the carport.

Do you remember your favorite songs as a kid? Had to have been Disney soundtracks and such. I wasn’t into music until I was around 10, when I started getting into Beyoncé.

Do you currently feel calm? I am mostly calm yeah, but my stomach is being a bitch and is keeping me from feeling at my 100%. Probably from the amount of coffee I had today + the massive six-course meal I practically wolfed down at lunch.

When did you last lace up a pair of shoes? Last Friday when I wore Chucks to work.

What's your go to comfort meal? Spicy tuna salad and sushi.

Do you enjoy cloud watching? I’m not so much an observer of clouds. I prefer stars.

Do you currently have any candles lit? Nope.

If applicable, what's your favorite sports team? I don’t like watching sports.

How many cardigans do you own? I used to have this cute black one but I have no idea where it went. I last wore it December of last year then it just kinda...disappeared lol which is frustrating.

How much is too much for clothes? (I am mad at myself over purchasing a $30 cardigan lol) I actually don’t mind shelling out for clothes sometimes since you’re paying for quality. That said, the only time I’d actually react is if I see the price of some designer brands for, say, a white t-shirt that I could buy the exact same look of at some department store.

How soon do you normally decorate for holidays? The only thing we put up is a Christmas tree and we do that either late October or early November.

Are there any important things happening this week? Nah, I’m leaving work behind this week and am feeling like a free fucking woman. Only agenda on my book is to catch up on going to museums, which I’m going to start on tomorrow.

Do you know anyone who is terrified of dogs? Yes, I know a handful of people who are.

What scent was the last soap you used? Just the plain/basic smell of soap. How old were you when you made your first big purchase? I was 23 when I bought my current phone. I will put up the disclaimer that my dad’s credit card was initially used to make the transaction haha but I pay him every two weeks, so it’s technically under my expense still.

What last made you angry? Just a bunch of drivers and pedestrians being stupid during our drive up to Antipolo earlier.

What's a color you think is underrated? Idk if there’s any I would call that.

What are you usually doing when midnight comes around and you can't sleep? Watch YouTube videos or play In the Seom until my eyelids start feeling heavy.

What is your favorite way to eat rice? (white, steamed, fried, brown, sweetened...) Steamed and white.  What color is the top you're wearing? Red with white print.

When did you last laugh so hard you cried? Lmfao, last night. My dad had been retelling a HILARIOUS story to my sister (which he had already shared with me that morning), and since I knew how the story was gonna go I ended up in stitches while he was talking, which made him laugh too. Then we’d both try to calm down, he’d start talking again, I’d laugh again, he’d laugh too, and that entire bit just happened like five more times until I had tears running down my eyes. Poor sister literally never got to hear the end of the story because at the end of it all the entire dining table was just laughing too.

What's your favorite horror movie? The Shining.

What's your favorite and least favorite fast food restaurant? Favorite would be McDonald’s, Jollibee, and KFC. Least fave is Burger King...I don’t hate their food but the menu is just a little boring. It’s my least favorite only in the way that it’d never really be my first choice.

How many pictures can you see in the room you're in? No pictures here in the dining room.

When did you last sign your signature? Last Tuesday.

What cover do you think is better than the original song? Paramore’s cover of Drake’s Passionfruit.

Are you currently listening to music? Yeah dude. Indigo.

What do your favorite pair of pajamas look like? It has a purple checkers pattern; and instead of pajama pants, the bottoms are shorts. The top is free-size so it looks a bit big – but cozy – on me.

What is something you've been working on? Being a better and a more patient leader. And improving on task delegation. Still focused on work after all this time, seriously? Hahaha.

What's something that excites you about the future? Growing and learning through the experiences I’ll inevitably be gaining. I don’t wanna mount big expectations on my shoulders, so for me making the most of what I have and where I am is enough for now.

How often do you drink smoothies? Never.

What's a TV show you have gotten into recently? I started watching The Golden Girls last night and the first couple of episodes were hilarious.

Have you ever had to have a tooth cut out? Uhhh not cut out but pulled out, yeah. I’ve had that happen twice.

When did you last rush for something? Last Friday when I, to nobody’s surprise, waited for the last possible minute to get up before work.

How many blankets do you own? Three.

Have you drank enough water today? Sure.

Do you prefer apple pie or pecan pie? Not much of a pie person but if I had those two choices right in front me I’d head towards the pecan one in a heartbeat. What color takes up most of your wardrobe? Black.

What makes you feel alive? Accomplishing something, making people smile, being around my friends, getting strength from Bangtan.

Who is your last missed call from? Can’t remember. I usually pick up my calls now though since they could always be related to work and I don’t want anyone ending up complaining about me.

Do you have any unusual pet peeves? Picky eaters.

What is a food you think is nasty that most people enjoy? Grapes.

Would you rather never be sick again or be rich? Be rich.

[jgtespino]

8/30/2022

The writing was on the wall. I knew the writing was on the wall, three months ago. But I didn’t stop trying anyway, and I feel like you and I gave it everything we had. It probably made it worse for both of us in the long run, but I’m not ashamed of it at all. I’m not ashamed that we tried to make “us” work.

It’s weird, living with someone for two months and then thinking that the two of you are inseparable only to realize that, when you two don’t live with each other anymore you aren’t healthy and you go through the same vicious cycle of fighting every few days. The two of us knew that it was going to shit but we still gave our blood, sweat, and tears into the relationship.

I don’t regret anything, we made the happiest memories of our lives with each other earlier this year. You and your dad flew across the country to visit me for a weekend, and then a few days later you were driving to the airport to pick me up so I could stay at your house. I learned more about myself than I ever have before, and felt happier than I thought possible. Looking back on it now makes it feel like a dream, this unattainable place filled with only happiness and joy where we weren’t fighting. Where we could look each other in the eye, tell each other we loved each other, and then go on about our days. It’s a far cry from what we had become in the last three months. The start of our relationship when we were happy and loving each other was easy is the complete opposite of what we turned into.

We would go grocery shopping, I would make you adobo, you would make me molten lava cake, and then we would spend time with your dog taking her to the park and teaching her tricks. Some days we would wake up early and get a $1 McGriddle, and I’m always going to remember when we got to McDonald’s too late and the breakfast menu had changed already. I was sad, but you were more sad than I was and insisted that we go back tomorrow so I could get one.

I was always waiting there for you when you came back from work to give you a hug and I would always pretend to help you get dressed for work when in reality I was just sitting there admiring you and wondering what I ever did to deserve someone like you. Someone who was willing to stick their neck out and let me stay at their house so I had a bed to sleep on. That time is long gone, and the memories we have of each other in the last three months are almost only negative. It feels like all of the happiness in our relationship was restricted to before we started fighting. Once we started fighting, we never stopped; and so stopped the happy memories.

The truth is that I’m happier now than I have been since we stopped “living” with each other. I’m happier on my own, I’m even a little glad we broke up. I’m not glad we lost what we had and that we aren’t in a relationship anymore, but I feel relieved and like it is easier to live life. Should I feel guilty? That for the first time in forever, I’m putting myself first and all I care about right now is finding things to make me happy. And I feel like there’s this weight that’s been lifted off my shoulders and that I am okay with accepting this reality that we weren’t the healthiest for each other anymore and both of us were just too cowardly to end it even if we knew the truth.

Healing isn’t a linear process, and I would still love to try again in the future when I get my shit together if the opportunity presents itself. But for the first time in so long I’m not hung up over my ex focusing on only getting better for them. I am sad about who I am and not happy with anything and I want to actually find something so that I become happy for myself.

[spunkpunx]

I Don’t Share - Kai Anderson

Plot: Reader is the only person who Kai Anderson ever really listened to.

Word count: 1899

Warnings: SMUT, Manipulative reader, Smoking, Blood, Aggressive Sex, Mocking, It’s AHS Cult so it’s gonna be dark, Misogyny

I walked down the steps, into the basement. The place he dwelled. The dark web was a strange place, full of internet trolls, but something about Kai Anderson was different. Something in his words garnered attention, and now, it was time to find out.

“Hello?” I called out confidently. At this point in my life, nothing scared me, not even death, but my survival was important. After all, what could I achieve from beyond the grave? To be without fear is to be dangerous.

“Who are you?” a voice called out from the sofa. The man sat there was not the man I expected to see, and I was pleasantly surprised.

“Kai Anderson?” I queried, and he nodded. I had expected someone much less attractive, but Kai’s dark eyes, handsome face and fit body were all things that played into my hands. His eyes bore into me as I walked into the room and sat opposite him. he wore sweatpants, and his shoulder length hair was dyed blue.

“Answer my question, bitch,” he snapped at me, but I just looked at him disapprovingly, taking a cigarette from my pocket and lighting it. He glared at my lack of response, but I made sure to take my time before I replied.

“When a dog bites it’s master, they take it into the yard and put a bullet in its head,” I calmly spoke, resisting a smile at the taken aback expression on his face. The surprise soon turned into rage, and he stood up and grabbed me by the collar of my t-shirt, making me jump.

“I don’t even know you! No bitch will be the master of me!” Kai yelled, and I met his eyes with a level gaze. I gave him a look, a look of indifference, and he released me from his grasp. He stood above me.

“Sit down Kai, I’m not speaking to you until you sit.”

“Fuck off.”

I met his eye with a steely glare, and reluctantly, he took a seat the other side of the coffee table.

“Now, I’m (y/n) (l/n), and I came to see you because I need you,” I began to explain. Kai raised an eyebrow. “There’s something about you Kai, that shocks people, that commands attention, but you’re wasting it away sat sweating in this shitty basement.”

He leant foreword in his seat, starting to listen more attentively. It was almost too easy.

“Now I have a proposal, because I need you to realise your potential,” I continued, and he was captivated.

•

The cult had been running for just over a month. Of course, no one had identified it as what it was yet, but it was coming together as intended. When I first met Kai, I wanted to rile him up and let him lose to wreak havoc on the world, to scare people into action, but after speaking to him, I realised an intelligence more than I had initially thought. It was a waste not to push him forward into something on a national level. Of course, he had been harder to break than I first thought, but eventually I had had him wrapped around my finger using the only weapon women had against men, the weapon that sat between my legs.

Within the ring I took the position of Kai’s right hand and lover, his assistant, and it was widely assumed that I was abused and too love struck by our “Divine Ruler” to realise. As much as they admired him, they feared him. In reality, I was in control. Everything Kai had become was because of me.

I knew I had control at the first “pinky ritual”. As soon as our fingers made contact he dived into the first questions, but by that point I’d already won. He was angry, emotional, irrational. I’d got under his skin. It didn’t take long for me to turn the questioning round onto him, and soon he was spilling his guts to me. Everything about his parents, his brother and sister, every fear, hate, love and regret in his life he gave to me. We had sex and with that he’d given me all of his power.

Despite the impression that the rest of the cult held, Kai was ready to lick the shit off of my shoe if I asked. Of course, that didn’t mean I had absolute control. His ideas were his own, I just gave him a push in the right direction. After the killing of Bob Thompson and his gimp, I had pulled Kai’s mask off and kissed him, hard, to show my appreciation. He pulled our bodies closer together and when he brushed his finger across my lip I could taste the blood on it. From that point on, there was no better sight for me than a bloodied Kai Anderson.

•

“I don’t share Kai,” I stated, coldly, as he walked down into the basement. I had been sat on the sofa, waiting for him to return.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me,” I spat. “You’ve been upstairs fucking Mrs. Lavender,” I pointed out, referring to Meadow.

“There’s a reason,” he defended himself simply. “She needed to think I loved her so she’ll be willing to die for me. It’s exactly what you asked.”

“I don’t think you understand,” I replied slowly, opening my legs to reveal no underwear on beneath my skirt, and I noticed Kai’s next words catch in his throat. “You belong to me. To this.” I gestured my womanhood. He knelt in front of me on the floor, tracing his hands along my thighs, temptation in his eyes.

“No, I don’t,” Kai spat. I snapped my thighs shut and he pulled his hands away sharply. “I am the Divine Ruler,” he announced, standing to lean over me, taking my throat in his hand and squeezing slightly. I looked him back in his dark eyes coolly, daring him to do what he was threatening to do. Kai didn’t have the strength in him to kill me.

“I made you what you are.” I felt his grip tighten. “You’re nothing without me,” I croaked, my voice hoarse as he cut off my breath. His grip tightened more, and for a moment I almost considered he might go through with it. I saw a tear run down his face and then he let go. He dropped his head, tears running down his face, and I opened my arms to him. He dropped down to the sofa, next to me, falling into my embrace. He buried his head into my shoulder and sobbed, while I stroked his hair, shushing him.

“I’m sorry,” he almost whimpered. I pushed him down of the sofa, back on his knees in front of me, opening my legs. He sighed in appreciation, his eyes darkening with lust. As he reached his hand towards my leg I smacked it away.

“No, you have to beg,” I instructed. He looked up to meet my eye. There’s nothing more dangerous than a humiliated man, he had once said, but here he was, willing to get down on his knees in front of me and beg for my attention.

“Please, forgive me, (y/n). Let me touch you,” he pleaded pathetically. I leant forward and took his jaw in my hand, guiding his lips up to meet my own. He desperately leaned into the kiss, sitting up on his knees to pull us closer. His hand ran along my thigh and brushed across my heat, and when I didn’t pull away he rubbed the rough pad of his thumb against my clit before pushing a finger inside of me. I let myself moan against his kiss. He added another finger and curled them inside of me, swallowing my noises up with his lips. I pulled away from the kiss, panting.

“I want you to show me how much you hate me Kai,” I told him, and he removed his fingers from me, confused. I continued, pulling my shirt over my head leaving me in my bra. “Oh, I know you do. The way I make you feel confused, the way I treat you. I let you know how much of a piece of shit you are and you let me tell you that. What kind of man are you? You hate the way I make your prick harder than anyone else could,” I tease, reaching to grab his erect cock through his trousers. I pull my knees back, showing my full pussy out in front of him and that’s all he takes to snap. He stands up and pushes me down on the couch, kneeling himself between my knees before pulling his shirt over his head. It’s hard not to admire his muscular body. It’s no wonder he could get people to believe he was their god, he looked exactly like one. He unzipped his jeans and pulled them down, freeing his cock from his boxers and stroking it while looking at me.

“You’re right,” he told me harshly, grabbing my jaw and resting his thumb in my mouth so I kept it open. “I do fucking hate you.” With that he leant forward towards me and spat directly into my mouth. His harsh words were making me drip with lust. Without any warning he plunged his cock into my warmth, grunting and dropping his hands to my grip onto my waist and the flesh of my stomach. He pounded into me relentlessly, letting out small moans of pleasure. I panted, and when he hit a spot inside of me I let out a breathy moan. I felt a sting across my face, realising that he’d slapped me. He moved a hand to my thigh, pressing it back toward my chest. He growled as he hit my cervix, his hands heavy and his grip tight. Kai grabbed my throat and leant over my body to give the most bruising kiss, and as he pushed my legs back, his cock hit even deeper in me. I even whimpered as he mercilessly pounded into me, harder and harder. His kiss travelled, down my neck, and I felt him take the skin between his teeth, leaving bite marks. I took his head in my hands, fingers tangled in his hair, and I connected our mouths once more, tongues and teeth colliding. He let out another desperate moan. Even when he hated me I still controlled him. The room was filled with the sound of wet kisses and skin slapping. I felt the pleasure build and reached down to rub myself, reaching a shuddering climax and clenching around Kai. He let out a groan and swore, pounding into me faster, his thrusts sloppy. He pulled my bra down and grabbed onto my tits, desperately panting and he brought himself closer to finish. I could do nothing but moan and tremble as his thrusting overstimulated me. His breathy moans brought me to finish a second time, a wave of pleasure hitting me and making me shake again. Kai groaned, pushing himself balls deep inside me and spilling hot cum. He collapsed down on top of me and I let him rest his head on my chest, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing the top of his head.

“I do think I could love you, Kai,” I murmured against his hair, and I had no reason to say it, but I truly meant it.