#i am so fine and everything is going to be ok <- lying to myself

[randygrim]

Drew a spider lily in place of dolls heart

[basementxdweller]

thinking about that time i was asked "who molested you for you to turn out this way" on here. something something that action had consequences

[cuntwrap--supreme]

The fucking audacity of this man to tell me he's never cared about me, then ignore me when I say that it was unfair to lie to me when I've clearly been in love with him for years, only to come back almost 2 months later asking me how work is. I can't do this shit. I'm too stressed as is. Too few spoons for my own day to day.

[whyse7vn]

PRETTY -

[ot7 x reader]

YOONGI -

y/n: yoongi

ur so pretty

makes me clench my fist in range

toes curl in pleasure

back arch in need

my pretty boy

sosososososo petty

mmgrrhrhhhhhhhhhhhh

yoongi: ??

thanks????

y/n: wtf

don’t question mark my complements

yoongi: you could of called me pretty in a normal way

y/n: that was normal

yoongi: for you

meaning in reality that was weird as fuck

y/n: the children of today are so unappreciative it’s crazy

yoongi: i’m a grown man

y/n: ur like 5’2

you NEED to grow man

yoongi: ur not funny

and i’m not 5’2

y/n: you’re 5’2 in my mind forever and always

and i’m hilarious don’t lie like that again min yoongi

yoongi: don’t call me by my full name freak idk u like that

y/n: you are too short to be talking in my phone crazy like this what the hell

yoongi: what do you want

y/n: come kiss me on my hot mouth pretty boy

yoongi: could of said that in the first place

y/n: well i said it now

come hither boyfriend

yoongi: shut up

i’ll turn around rn

go back to the studio

y/n: you won’t

yoongi: whatever

y/n: love you pretty boy 🫦

JIMIN -

jimin: you are so pretty

y/n: you are so pretty

jimin: fuck you

y/n: kill yourself

always trying to be like me wtf

jimin: what is ur issue

this was supposed to be MY moment of vulnerability not urs

y/n: if it helps i was lying

jimin: so i’m not pretty

y/n: yeah

jimin: THAT was a lie

y/n: are you sure

jimin: yes

..

YES

y/n: okay ugly ☠️☠️

jimin: bye

y/n: ok but the way we said that at the same time baby that was so cute 😍😍😍😍

jimin: i know we are like goals 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

y/n: ur built like a goal

jimin: what does that even mean

y/n: ur wide

jimin: WIDE????

y/n: yeah cuz goals are wide

like the football ones

jimin: body shame me again and i’ll make a twitter thread

y/n: it’s actually called x now

jimin: you’re about to be my ex

y/n: the one that got away 😍

jimin: the one that was taken away

by the police

or like the fbi

or death

a really really bad disease like the plague or smth

any one of those options would do

i’m not picky

y/n: yeah cuz ur a pick ME

jimin: wide a pick me just say you hate me

y/n: you just told be to die

jimin: but i didn’t call you wide

or a pick me

i know the limit babe

y/n: i would argue telling me to die is worse than being called wide

wide could be a compliment

like omg namjoon is so wide 😍🤤😝

jimin: wtf????

could of used me in the example

y/n: no

that would be untrue

namjoon is good wide

ur bad wide

jimin: i think you’re just pushing unrealistic body standards on me

y/n: how is it unrealistic when namjoon is real

jimin: leave me alone

y/n: you called me pretty

jimin: you called me wide

y/n: wide and pretty

jimin: am i namjoon pretty

y/n: can’t you be happy with the pretty i gave you

jimin: i don’t want to be wide pretty

i want to be namjoon pretty

y/n: maybe i love you for your wide pretty

jimin: you love me 🤭??

y/n: a little 🤭

jimin: heh 😏

no i still don’t like being wide

y/n: wow ur so difficult

you are just pretty

no wide pretty

just pretty

jimin pretty

jimin: yeah and don’t ever forget it

y/n: kill yourself

jimin: i’m to pretty to die

JUNGKOOK -

y/n: BOYFRIEND WYA 🗣️‼️ BOYFRIEND WYA 🗣️‼️

jk: HIIIII

HI

HEY hi

i’m here hello

y/n: i’ll eat you alive kook i will

jk: i’ll taste great

will season myself 4u and everything

y/n: aren’t you the best >.<

jk: for you always

y/n: sighs

jeon jungkook you are so unbelievably pretty it devastates me

jk: pls don’t be devastated

y/n: so devastated

fell to my knees in the middle of the hybe building

pretty boy

jk: i’m about to fall to my knees too

don’t be upset baby

hate when ur upset

y/n: ur too pretty

no choice but to be upset

jk: i’m gonna start throwing up how do i fix this

tell me babe and i’ll do it

y/n: kiss me

jk: or should i kill myself

y/n: oh.

jk: lmk

cuz i will if you want

y/n: no a kiss will be fine kook

jk: are you sure?

y/n: do you want me to be sure?

jk: i want what you want

y/n: right

jk: right

also i think you are the prettiest to ever walk this earth ever and i love you so much and you make me want to pass out and die just like this 😃😀😱😨😰😯😧🫨😵‍💫😵

y/n: wow thank you kook

jk: also it’s really hot outside today so make sure you drink some water

y/n: yes sir 🫡

jk: don’t say things like that ur making me blush >.<

y/n: send proof

jk: you’ll laugh at me

y/n: i will

but i’ll probably twirl my hair and kick my feet too

ur just so pretty like that

jk: i am?

y/n: you are >.<

jk: are we flirting rn??

y/n: we just might be

jk: wow

life is great

y/n: the best

jk: creamed 😣

SEOKJIN -

y/n: baby u so pretty

jin: fact

y/n: don’t play hard to get when ur hard to want

jin: ??????????

HELLO??????

y/n: hi

jin: I WASN’T EVEN PLAYING HARD TO GET

y/n: stop shouting

jin: i just said fact meaning that what you said was indeed a fact

y/n: compliment me back

jin: you know i’m not good at this

y/n: well get good

jin: you are easy on the eyes

y/n: are you fucking 50 who says shit like that?

jin: don’t ever accuse me of being that age again i’m forever 24

y/n: yeah whatever next compliment go

jin: i’m not a dog to be ordered around like this yk?

y/n: GO

jin: the biggest compliment i can give you is being your boyfriend

since i’m so pretty hot sexy and handsome out of everyone i chose YOU to kiss on the lips meaning ur at most half of what i am

y/n: at most???

jin: but i’m already your boyfriend so i can’t compliment you anymore

y/n: make me ur wife then

jin: WOAHHHHHHHHH

babe i think namjoon is calling me rn lmao😭

you know it breaks my heart to cut the precious time we spend talking short but duty calls 💜

talk to you later my pretty petal

y/n: pretty petal?

jin: my queen

y/n: how about your wife 🤩

jin: ok gtg namjoon is getting really angry now babe

y/n: fuck you

bitch

jin: *pretty bitch

y/n: i thought namjoom needed you

jin: no ur right bye

NAMJOON -

y/n: joon you’re so pretty every time you look in my direction i feel as if i am going to implode and explode at the time time killing millions of women a children and ALL men expect you

namjoon: ur so descriptive baby thank you

y/n: ur so sexy

you can’t see rn

but i’m biting my lip at you

namjoon: thank you ❤️

but what are you doing up this late pretty

told you to sleep i’ll be there when you wake up

y/n: you think i’m pretty >.<

namjoon: as always the prettiest

but seriously go to bed my love it’s real late

y/n: you see joon i’m actually in the middle of grinding for that bag

that money never stops can i get an amen 🤑💰💸🗣️‼️

namjoon: amen baby but can’t you do that tomorrow

y/n: joon the money never stops

meaning the work never stops

meaning work4life money4life

my bag? LARGE

namjoon: maybe it’s time for a healthy work life balance?

y/n: ur pretty you wouldn’t get the technicality of it all

namjoon: but you’re pretty too so i guess we both don’t get it

y/n: we are different levels of pretty like ur pretty pretty so all you think about is being pretty ur boobs and iced americanos

namjoon: iced americanos?

y/n: see??

and i’m surface level pretty so i have time to think about getting to the bag

namjoon: don’t say that

you’re pretty pretty and more

y/n: that’s nice joon but i have a bag to grind for right now

namjoon: baby it’s almost 12

y/n: my bag

namjoon: your bed

get into it

y/n: GET IN TOOO ITTTTTTTTT

what do you know about that joonie??

YUHHHHHHHHHHHH

namjoon: baby

y/n: sorry

namjoon: it’s okay

y/n: i’m really tired

namjoon: i know it’s okay

told you not to wait up

y/n: can’t fall asleep without my pretty boy :c

namjoon: i’ll be home soon

y/n: promise?

namjoon: promise

y/n: pbp

call that a pretty boy promise

namjoon: so creative 💞

sit tight pretty girl

HOSEOK-

y/n: hobi u so pretty

hobi: u too

y/n: ??jump

if ur gonna say it back

say it properly

bitch

hobi: busy babe

y/n: doing what

hobi: you would call me mean words if i told you

but maybe i want that

wink wink haha lol

y/n: are you being fr rn

hobi: is fr being me

y/n: hoseok

hobi: baby ☹️

y/n: i was trying to be cute

hobi: and you’re the cutest

y/n: shut up go away

we can’t have anything in this life

sighs

hobi: don’t sigh babe

y/n: don’t be a horny loser

hobi: what happened to me being pretty

y/n: i take it back

hobi: you can’t

y/n: i can

hobi: no

y/n: yes

hobi: :(

y/n: don’t frown at me trying to be cute when ur touching ur dick

you make me wanna throw up

hobi: what if i said i was thinking about you

y/n: so you were thinking about me and you couldn’t even compliment me back properly

CRAZY

hobi: it’s hard to type with one hand you know

y/n: gross stop talking

hobi: ok but is it not hot that just the thought of you gets me acting crazy

y/n: don’t blame me for your craziness what the hell

like you’re crazy because that’s just how you are

nothing to do with my influence

hobi: so why am i jerking off to the thought of you

seems like your influence to me

y/n: bye.

hobi: ok hand off dick i promise

let’s chit chat

you called me pretty right?

what did the queen of blasia say that one time??

the truth ain’t pretty but coming from your mouth something something something pretty 😘🥰😍

y/n: the queen of blasia????

hobi: yeah?

jhene aiko??

you fw her??

y/n: the queen of blasia

hobi: yeah

said that already

y/n: right

we are gonna talk about that another time

hobi: why

you don’t fw the queen of blasia?

y/n: stop talking

anyways

hobi: can i put my hand back on my dick orrrrr

y/n: no never mind

the queen of fucking blasia are you stupid hoseok??

hobi: i don’t want to talk about this anymore

i’m trying to see some ass

a titty perchance 🧐

ur face even

and call me pretty again it did things to me

y/n: jhene aiko

hobi: YES jhene aiko the queen of blasia with her son steve lacy the nations (blasias) sweetheart

y/n: wow

hobi: call me pretty

y/n: tell me about this blasia lore you have

hobi: NO

i’m hard no shinee

y/n: i think you’re unwell and gross

and probably high

hobi: ok but am i pretty

TAEHYUNG -

y/n: ur so pretty

tae: chat is this rizz ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

y/n: can we have one moment

please

tae: chat is this real ⁉️

y/n: kim taehyung

tae: chat am i cooked ⁉️

y/n: WHO ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING TO

RN

tae: chat i’m scared rn…. 😩😰

y/n: stop

tae: do you think i would make a good streamer

y/n: i’ll stream your execution

tae: real

would get so many views

good first steam

you think people would donate

y/n: no

tae: i’ll let you mod for me

y/n: i don’t like you

tae: because you love me

y/n: love is a strong word

tae: we share strong emotions

y/n: i’ll share a strong bullet with you

tae: try me

literally built my whole brand off being bulletproof

y/n: whatever

tae: when you called me pretty i moaned btw

[read 9:00pm]

real loud

[delivered]

had me like

😩💢😩💢😩

[delivered]

hello

[delivered]

oh

[delivered]

babe

[delivered]

ok sorry

[delivered]

chat clip that

[delivered]

—

kook and jin’s was ass forgive me i wrote them last my fault 😆

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @earth2ela @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @seokmyballs @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @meowgiz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @iammeandmeisiam @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks @futuristicenemychaos @featjunranghae @jksgirlfrl

[igotanidea]

Teachable student : J.T x fem!reader

Summary: The idea for the story was here.

Warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI!, insecurities, sex talk, mentions of trauma

special thanks go to @gone-batty-fics, @lightwing-s, @elimonia @geekynerdfinallyhada-name and @dolliezxo for giving me a piece of their mind on the matter :D

***

„I’m sorry” he whispered, being at the verge of tears. Jason and Y/N were tangled in between the sheets their naked bodies pressed closed together but the situation they found themselves in was far from intimate and blissful.

He was trying. He really was trying to control himself this time. To hold his own excitement back, to take care of her first, but he just couldn’t. He came early without taking her pleasure into any consideration. He simply couldn’t please her. And now, he was lying on his back, completely naked, embarrassed, ashamed, unable to even glance at his unsatisfied girlfriend, who, despite everything, put her head on his chest in a trusting, loving motion.

Jason literally felt like crying, but settled on staring at the ceiling, his body turning numb. This was not how it was supposed to go. Not this time.

“I’m sorry” he repeated, hiding his face in hands to cover that stupid reddened cheeks and teary eyes.

“Hey…..” she soothed him, tracing gentle patterns all over his chest, careful not to prickle the autopsy scar “It’s ok, Jaybrid. I’m ok. You’re ok. It’s all fine.”

“The hell it is!” He yelled and the sudden movement made his chest rise and Y/N jumped with it “It’s not” he said again sighing deeply, a bit calmer, but still sad “I’m.. I’m supposed to…..”

“You’re not supposed to anything, Jace” she propped herself on the elbow and cupped his cheek and he immediately leaned into her  touch “if I can make you feel this good, it’s a compliment for me, truly.” Her smile could literally light up the whole room, and Jason was sure he did not deserve her. Her love, her care, her attention “I love you, Jay. Besides, it’s not like it happened the first….”

“WHAT?!” Now he jolted up, eyeing her with the most hurt gaze imaginable.

“Fuck….” She hissed, cursing her stupid big mouth.

“You’ve never….? I’ve never…..? Like…. never?”  he stuttered “Holy fuck…..” Jason broke free of her touch and sat on the edge of the bed, his back to her, shoulders slouched.

“Jason…..” her voice broke a little as she tried to come closer to him. “Please….” Her warm hand landed on his shoulder from behind, massaging the tensed muscles here and he shuddered under that simple gesture.

“I’m a fuckup.” He mumbled, not turning around to face her. He just couldn’t.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuck! Of course I am!” he spun around, making her hand drop, eyeing her with a mix of fury, desperation and animal hunger. How was it even possible that he always wanted her, was always hard for her, yet never could make her come. HOW?! “Princess, I am a failure.”

“That is bullshit!”

“Really?” he smiled sadly “Bet it never happened to Grayson.”

“Jason.” she sighed “I don’t give a fuck about Dick. I don’t even give a fuck about orgasm, all right? I care about you.”

“And I let you down. Fuck, I’m used to hating myself on so many levels, but this? This is a whole new one. I don’t think I can ever recover from it.”

“You are being awfully dramatic now.”

“Am I?” he scoffed “Just because I want to make you feel good?”

“You do, Jason. I promise I do feel good with you. Sex is not the only thing….”

“But it’s important. How can I know you….. you’re not gonna leave me because I…. because I can’t…..”

“Stop it, Jace. I’m serious, stop it now. Just come here” she patted a spot next to her, motioning him to lay down “I know how hard it is for you, and I want you to know I’m glad you open up to me. I’m not leaving, all right? Not now, not ever. We can work through this. But don’t  close up on me. Don’t get lost in that head of yours. You hear me?” he muttered something incoherent, but it was enough. “Good. Now, just hold me like this” she snuggled closer to him and felt his arms wrap around her. “I gotta get to work soon.”

***

It’s been a hell of a strange day at work. Somewhere around nine she got a first text from Jason.

J: How are you feeling?

Y/N: Exhausted. It’s a hectic day. Too much to do.

J: That is not what I meant.

Y/N: Are we back on this whole sex thing again?

J: I told you. I can never get over it.

Y/N: And I told you it’s ok.

J: Y/n, baby, I am so sorry.

Y/N: Jason, seriously, stop it. 

J: I’m sorry…… I won’t bother you anymore.

Y/N: That’s not what I meant!

               Read

A couple hours later, all the workers in the office noticed a courier, walking through, carrying the biggest lilac bouquet anyone ever seen.

“Miss Y/N Y/L/N?” the guy asked and Y/n raised her shaking hand. What was happening.

“That’s one for you. Where should I put the rest?”

“The…. The rest?”

“Yes. I got a whole van filled with flowers for you.”

“But….  But…..”

“I would read the scribble if I were you.”

“Oh, yes, right!” her eyes went wide as she reached for the piece of paper hidden between the flowers.

I know it does not make me less guilty, but hopefully this will make you smile today.

“A secret admirer?” one of her work friends peeked behind Y/N shoulder and the girl quickly covered the sentence

“more like not-so-secret , self-conscious boyfriend.”

“ Oh, that is just so cute!” the other girl, inhaled the lilac “if you don’t want them I’ll take it. I have no idea what he did to try to make up for it in such way, but …..”

“that’s the whole point” Y/N sighed “he did absolutely nothing wrong.

***

Those little signs of affection and apologies followed Y/N for the whole day and she quickly realized that there was only one way to make Jason feel better. On the way from work she dropped by in a very specific shop and bought  a little thing for the evening. Hopefully this will do the trick.

Luckily, when she entered the apartment Jason was nowhere in sight so she had some time for a quick preparation.

***

This day was a shit, to say the least. Despite all her assurances and smiles and jokes, he felt like a scumbag. What kind of man does that to his girl. That, in this case, being leaving her high and dry. He tried everything to make up for it, but still felt the regret and shame burning inside. What was even worse, now that he learned he failed every time they had sex, trauma was heading his way with a speed of light. He was starting to get worried that getting intimate with Y/n would turn to be impossible with the knowledge he had.

For the last hour he was walking around the streets, kicking every stone on his way, throwing glances left and right, acting like a Red hood without a helmet, rather than like Jason Todd. But at some point, he had to go back to apartment. It was slowly getting dark, and he did not want Y/n to worry about him more than usual. She knew about his night work, but the ritual was to at least kiss her goodbye and promise to come back to her in one piece. He just couldn’t skip that. Not after everything.

The second he opened the door, he knew something was off. Maybe it was the darkness or silence or that weird smell, but his instincts made him shut up, instead of calling her name and walk silently into the bedroom.

He did not expect the view that came into his eyes.

Y/N was spread in the middle of the bed in some new red, lacy lingerie that covered barely anything, surrounded only by the scented candles, the light coming from them making her look like a sex goddess. Jason’s felt his mouth going bone dry and his pants getting tight.

“Jason…..” she moaned tentatively, making him shiver in lust “what took you so long?” fuck, she knew exactly what she was doing to him now, turning him hot and needy.

“I….. I….”

“Come to me.” She order and almost like hypnotized he approached the bed, sitting on the edge “Closer, you silly one. I need you.” she reached toward him and he hovered over her body, lips almost touching

“Baby….” He whimpered “I don’t…. I can’t …..”

“Shh….” She put a finger on his mouth “I’ll teach you. I’ll show you everything you need to know, but first….” her fingers started playing with the hem of his jacket and t-shirt “take it off for me baby. You are seriously overdressed.”

Jason wasn’t even trying to hide his desperation when he discarded all his clothes except the boxers. Needing her, wanting her, craving her, ready to do everything  she would ask of him. His single purpose to please her, to love her right.

“what do you need me to do?” he whispered, his breath fanning over her face and she smiled mischievously.

“Kiss me.” She commanded and damn, he followed her lead, grabbing her waist, touching that smooth skin, playing with the string of her red underwear, causing her body to melt into him immediately. Her hands travelled to his back, one tangling in his hair, the other resting on his shoulder blade, pressing him closer. “Now, lower, baby.” He pushed his head towards her neck and collarbone whimpering in pleasure his soft lips caused her “Mhmmm, so good, Jace, you’re doing so good.”

“Am I?” he reached behind her back, searching for the zip of the bra but she just chuckled

‘Not there, baby.” Her fingers intertwined with his, guiding them forwards.

“Oh, you little tease….” He whined realizing her little game, exposing her breast and nibbling on the soft skin, causing shiver all over her body, her nipples pebbling instantly.

“Jason….” she arched her back to him “Please….”

“Tell me what you need, princess. I’ll do anything you want, I want to make you feel good, just tell me how.”

“Lower…..” once again she pushed his head towards her belly “mhmm, lower.”

“Here?” he brushed his index finger on her panty line.

“Take those off.” She whined “Now!”

“Whatever you command me, princess.”  He didn’t just take them off. He completely ripped them apart.

“HEY! Those were expensive.”

“I’ll buy a dozen new of those. Now tell me what to do next, and you better do it fast, cause I … I….” he stuttered, afraid he was going to fail her again, bad memories creeping in his mind.

“No.” she cupped his face, making him look at her “don’t think about it, focus on me.”

“Believe me, I do.”

“Good. Now let me take some action.” One of her hands travelled down his chest and stomach, reaching for the button of his jeans, slowly unzipping them and freeing his throbbing cock. “You’re so big and strong and all mine.” She raised her body a bit to connect their lips stroking him a couple times.

“Baby, please, I won’t hold it if….” He whined.

“You will, Jason. You will hold it, for me. I’m sure you can do it, baby. For me?”

“Yes. Yes, please, just let me inside.” He closed his eyes, focusing on not cumming too soon.

“I need you.” she spread her legs wider invitingly “come home to me. Come now.”

She was so wet it only took one swift motion for him to bottom out making them both moan at the feeling. No matter the result, Jason was so afraid of, being so close together always felt good, emotional and touching. Fuck, he wanted her so much. Wanted to make her feel good, but instead of moving just froze in place, completely paralyzed.

“Jay….” She whimpered under him, awaiting any action “Please, move.”

“I….”

“I’ll guide you.” she whispered, grabbing onto his shoulders and bucking her hips into him, slowly at first, just to make sure of the right angle, helping him out for a moment before he caught up on what and where she needed. “Yes, yes, mhm, that’s it. Just like that. AH!” her hips raised involuntarily when he hit her g-spot “That;s it, Jason! There you, baby” she clawed on his back, leaving red marks and that stinging pain only spur him on more.

“Does this feel good?” he groaned kissing her hungrily, emotions and sensations overflowing him “Am I making you feel good?”

“Ah, yes, yes! So good! Jace…..”

“Better than before?” some crazy instinct made him put his hand on her clit and started stimulating her there, feeling her body slowly give in to everything he was doing.

“Better than ever.”

“Are you close?” he picked up the pace, feeling his own orgasm coming, a bit of fear showing up in his head “please, tell me you are close.” His thrust became harsher, faster, deeper, hitting her most sensitive part every time, her answers limited to loud moans of his name and those sexy whimpers as she started moving with him.

“Oh.. Jace… I ….” She didn’t even get to finish when her orgasm hit her like a tidal wave with the force neither Jason nor her were expecting. Maybe it was the first time charm or maybe he was just that good and just discovered all his potential but Y/N was completely spend, clinging onto him, her hands and legs wrapping around his toned body, not ready to let him go yet.  Not until he rode her high with her. Not until she felt him coming inside her.  Which was not really long after.

“Jason….” she panted when they both came down “God, thank you.”

“No, thank you baby.’ He kissed her deeply, lovingly, hair plastered to his forehead, eyes glistening with happiness “did I really made you come? Was I good?”

“The best. It turns out you are a very teachable student.” She smiled

“I had the best teacher.”

“Oh, babe, I have a lot more to teach you.”

“Do you want to start those private lessons now?” he smirked and she could not find any reason why not.

[bookishdreamer28]

₊˚⊹ Only in his arms

Gojo x fem reader

Summary: You're in love with your best friend Satoru, and you've been thinking about to confess to him, but you're not sure if you're really ready to tell him. But something happens, that changed your plans entirely.

Genre: Fluff, very fluffy

Warning: This is very tooth rooting :3

Note: This my first attempt to write a fanfic (one shot) so if this one goes welll, I might write mooore! Hope you'll like it ^^

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

There are times like these, where I wish I could stay in this moment forever. And I'm talking about times, where me and Satoru are just, together. Every time I'm with him, I feel I'm the happiest I've ever been. I know it sounds very cheesy and all, but I'm head over heels for this man and I haven't had the courage to say anything. The only I've been dping since I realized I had feelings for him, was to keep them all to myself.

Right now, me and Satoru were heading to his house to watch a movie or something, after a long day of training. Since we left training, I've been thinking of ways to confess my feelings to him, but I can't utter. a. word. However, today I'll pick up the courage and tell him how I feel. I can't pretend anymore. I felt Toru's fingers intertwined with mine, and I felt like I was about to explode. I turned my head towards him and gave him a small smile. Toru smiled too and brought my hand close to his mouth and kissed it. And the butterflies in my stomach were back.

'What's up with you petal? I can tell there's something occupying your mind and you have this distant look on your face all the time. Is something bothering yo- OR IS IT SOMEONE? Tell me right now who bothered my girl and I'll go give them a piece of my mind right n-'

'Satoru everything's ok' I said giggling and brushed my shoulder with his. I rested my head on his shoulder and his arm was wrapped gently around my shoulders. The feeling of his arms around me was incomparable. I felt this way every time I was in his arms.

'Don't need to overreact Toru. I'm just thinking about training and the curses. That's all.' I started playing with his hair. His soft, white hair. Everything about him is perfect.

Satoru this whole time, was looking at me with narrowing eyes. His hands wrapped around my waist and started rubbing my sides, which is something that gave me goosebumps. 'Petal, whatever it is that concerns you, I want to know. Give all your burdens to me. I don't want you to look sad and troubled.' He said and connected his forehead with mine. And now, I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. He so precious HELP ME.

'I promise you that I'm fine. And, same goes for you. I'll always be there to fight whatever makes you have this-adorable must say-frown on your face. Now, let's save some honey for later, and head home kay boy?' Satoru's smiley face made me chuckle.

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

We were now chilling in Satoru's room, specifically on his bed, while talking about anything that came to our mind at that moment. I was lying down with him, my head on his chest and his fingers brushing my hair, and our fave songs playing in background. That was all I needed. But truth is, I wanted more. Wanted Us, to be more. I could feel Toru's stare on me, and I turned my head to look at him.

And once I did, I felt my heart beating fast. Again.

Our faces were so close, and I know this is not the first time we have come This close but...this felt different. The atmosphere was different. And the look he gave me, was different too.

'Toru...I want to tell you something.' My voice low, my lips just a breath away from his, his hands on my waist, fingers rubbing soft circles on my skin there. Oh man, this is too much. 'Yeah, petal?' His voice almost a whisper. He lowered his head and my heart started pumping even faster. Is it hot in here? Is he hot? Am I hot? I need to keep it together and finally confess to him or else I'll run out of this room and go to a galaxy far FAR AWAY.

I inhaled and felt myself relaxing. A little. 'Toru, I-'

'I love you.'

'.....what?'

'I love you. So much.'

' •.•'

'Uuuuh I've been in love with you for soooo long and every time we're together I feel like it's just you and me in this world, and I know this sounds very cheesy and all, but I can't keep these feelings to myself anymore or else I'll los-' before he could finish, I grabbed his face and kissed him. Yeah. Kissed him. Me and Toru. Kissing.

Satoru's eyes were so wide, they looked like they were about to pop out of his head, but then I felt him relaxing and whimpered once he brought my body closer to him. This kiss meant so much more than just it’s base. It held passion and grace like very few had held before. Toru'shands left my waist and slowly traveled over me. Exploring and teasing. Once his lips left mine, I couldn't help myself but want more. And I could tell Toru felt the same way. His pupils were dilated and his nostrils flared.

Our heavy breathing was the only sound in the room now. I couldn't even hear the music playing anymore. His hand went to my face and rubbed my cheek softly, while he brought his face close to mine for once again. 'Is this real? Is this actually happening?' He asked with a trembling voice. 'I should be the one asking this' I laughed and Toru smiled brightly when he heard the sound. 'I'm so in love with you too, my Toru' I whispered. He exhaled a shaking breath and hugged me close to bis body again and kissed my forehead. His warmth engulfed me instantly and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling. 'Oh, are you sleepy pretty baby?' Toru murmured and rubbed my head in soft movements. 'Hhmm a little. I feel so cozy and warm in your arms.' I sighed and felt Toru's chest moving when he chuckled. 'Yeaaah, I know I give the best hugs. And these are only for you princess.' He cooed and tapped my nose with his finger, his face wearing a proud smile.

'Can't argue with that but please, save your cockiness for the another day bae. I have plenty of it already.' I snickered and nuzzled my face in his neck. Toru laughed loudly and kissed me once more. Our palms were pressed together and Toru completed the hold, interlocking our fingers tightly, symbolising us as two halves of the same whole. Yes I'm a hopeless romantic. His lips touching sofly mine, was the last thing I felt before I drifted to sleep.

I have never felt this way before. So relaxed and peaceful. And I was feeling like this, only in his arms.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

That sounded way better in my head, but I think it's good for a first time writing something. Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy reading this one <33

all rights reserved. please do not copy, modify, repost, translate, or claim my content as yours.

[madi-writes-things]

Nobody Pt. 3

(C.Sturniolo X Reader)

Summary:

Chris and Y/N never seemed to get along, but sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places

Word Count: 547

TW: Cursing, SH (not in detail, but it is talked about), Hurt Comfort, Crying, Death (sibling), Grippy Sock Mention, Not Edited

A/N: mostly a filler chapter, but it’s important backstory stuff. I also forgot to add the pictures to chapter two 🫣

-Madi <3

“”“”“”“”“”

as I started to wake up, I noticed a newly familiar presence on top of me. I open my eyes to see Chris, eyes closed and hair messy, lying with his head just below my sternum. In a moment of weakness I start playing with his hair. He stirs for a moment, before opening his blue eyes to look up at me.

“Good morning” his voice was scratchy with sleep. My heart fluttered and my face flushed. I tried to play it off by distracting myself with his hair. “You enjoying yourself?” He asks, forcing me to look at him.

“I actually am.” I tug on his hair lightly, causing him to groan. We both averted our eyes after that. “You just have such pretty hair…”

he looked at me again, this time feeling more serious. “Are you okay?” In general? No. About the nick stuff? No. About the fact that my best friends hot brother is in my bed? Definitely.

“it’ll be fine, nick will just have to get over it…. Speaking of nick, we should probably come up with a cohesive story.” I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t think nick would care enough to grill us about our relationship. “He already accused me of letting you lie about us sleeping together to cover up a different lie… which is true, but he can’t know that.”

“ok… we’ve been talking/dating for three months. We haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet, but we both want to. The other night was the first time we ever slept together… it was great.” He winked at me after adding the last word. “You know practically everything about me and my family… is there anything that I should know about you? In case nick asks me.”

I stare at Chris, contemplating whether or not I should tell him anything.

fuck it.

“you were… myfirsttime” I rushed the last part in the hopes that he wouldn’t hear it. He looked at me confused for a second before nodding for me to continue. “I used to have a twin brother, he died when we were in seventh grade… I never had a good relationship with my parents after that, and that’s one of the reasons that I changed schools at the beginning of eighth grade.” He immediately sat upright, staring down at me with a look that I couldn’t quite decipher.

“is that why you started…” his words trailed off as he looked down at my legs. I immediately felt ten times more aware of the fact that I was in shorts.

“yeah, I really struggled with it for that first year or so… after my parents caught me in the act they sent me to a hospital over the summer.” I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone seem this interested in me, or the things that I’ve been through. “They decided to move after that… small towns, gossip… but then I met you guys, and Nick helped me out a lot.”

“I’m sorry” it was simple, I almost told him not to apologize because it wasn’t his fault, but I knew that wasn’t what he meant. “Do you want to go pick something up for breakfast?” I quickly nodded, getting up and grabbing some clothes to change into.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws

[bee-named-alex]

Ok so ep7 of iwtv s2. One of the notes i wrote down as i was watching was "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. nope. just nope. jesus fucking christ don't you dare do this" so you can imagine how i felt. Spoilers.

Ok ok. So I'm so fine rn you don't even know how fine I am. I didn't cry even though I expected to, I was more like empty, which might be even worse (read: better) lol

I'll start with a few quick thoughts, before I get into the bigger things. For the first like 10 minutes I couldn't stop thinking about how great Lestat (Sam) looks like im sorry. Him uncovering the homophobe's filth back at him? 10/10.

The actors are just so- perfect I have to say. Like we don't know what's true and I probably shouldn't believe anything just to be safe, but I found myself believing them everything. Also the whole time I wanted to hate the audience but they think it's just a play and if I, with all the other knowledge, find myself drawn to believe obvious lies, it's not really their fault that they do too.

Let's start with Lestat then. I was so glad to finally see the "real" (not really, even Sam said so) Lestat again

I haven't read the books (and even if i did i know that they change things) so idk how they made him testify because I just don't think he would. Maybe they tortured and forced him, "gave him a choice", maybe he was planning on saving them. Or maybe he just actually was out for vengeance i just don't know.

"You cannot script a hurricane" yeah you can't I loved that him going of script threw Santiago off so much, lmao (like he literally said "I'm about to violate the 5th law" aka kill Lestat I love that. Lestat is such a little shit.)

And when he went of script he told the truth (or as close to truth as we got during the trial i feel). Yes he also did break the laws. I like that he didn't let Santiago manipulate the audience to sympathize with him (don't get me wrong, it's not that he didn't want them to sympathize with him, he just wanted to manipulate them himself lol)

His and Louis' first eye contact (at around 11 minutes I believe) literally broke my heart.

When he talks about the loneliness I can't help but feel sorry for him.

I found it honestly hilarious when he was recounting their whole history backwards, like bitch please, it literally happened the other way arounf. Idk why it was just so funny how he was blatantly lying.

But then when they fully revisited the scenes from last season my jaw dropped.

So firstly Claudia's turning... I am so confused by it. Because it's obviously different from what we saw last time - and the scene itself is so moving. I mean Louis begging Lestat on his knees like he's some god and trying himself and failing and Lestat doing it for him even tho he knows it's a terrible idea. But the confusing part - in Dubai Louis rn says that Lestat's trial version is better than his and that he didn't want to believe it at the trial but now he knows it to be more true.

But like last season, so like 2 weeks ago, he told his own version?? Did he not realize until now, that he's talking about the trial, that he doesn't believe it? Did he lie on purpose but change his mind, is he lying now? Does Armand have to do something with it again? Tf is happening.

And then the fight. Again it's different but this time I remember that we didn't actually see this part of the fight so it could technically be true?? I don't really know rn how big of a part we didn't see last time. But maybe the truth about the fight is somewhere in the middle.

Amazing scene nonetheless, again, if I didn't know shit, I too would 100 % believe Lestat to be the victim. Up until the drop, that is extreme either way.

And Lestat going fully of script here, and his tears and his regret and his voice trembling and I'm sure that he means it. It wasn't a part of the performance. Sam Reid, the actor that he is, fuck.

It is just wo so great, like these new versions we get by Louis telling the story of Lestat showing him the story (which Louis already told us very differently) and on top of that anything could be misremembered. Or edited Armand. Unreliable narration at it's best.

Ok so Armand. "I could not prevent it" Fuck you. No sorry I might be a little harsh but yea no actually I'm not.

First the thing with Nicki and how he was "helped"... Armand got rid of him to have Lestat to himself and now he's doing the same with Claudia and Madeleine to have Louis.

Him having to watch is brutal and I believe his emotions but not his words. It was terrible to watch sure and painful and he didn't want it to happen... but he still sold them out?

He saves Louis. And it's amazing, the fear for his love in his face as he does it. He says it took all his strength and sure. But he could've saved them all. He can literally stop time. Ok maybe not but I for sure think he could've done it.

And rn in Dubai he's trying to convince himself or Louis or Daniel or maybe everyone that it wasn't his fault. But Daniel seems to not believe him (and calls his shit out a few times, good for him). And he's also making Lestat be more of a villain then he is I think (he would not do nothing when watching Claudia's death I'm sorry, that's his daughter.)

Claudia and Madeleine. My heart broke. They were doomed from the begginning. It didn't matter if they fought or not, it didn't matter their love or that they were right, it didn't matter that Madeleine was innocent and Claudia justified (maybe) in her crimes.

It didn't matter that Claudia was right -"We poisoned him, he's fine now. I can also cry and say I'm sorry"- because yes this was exactly true.

Claudia's final request (and Lestat giving it to her and then looking almost proud?? after she says it) and promise of death to all the people who doomed her and Madeleine.

And her rage. "It was never about me" and that's also true and yet she dies because of it. Tragic.

Madeleine's "My coven is Claudia" is just pure love and again it's what dooms her and again it's fucking tragic.

Watching the execution I couldn't breath really. Hurts still. And I don't believe Armand's version of the story though. Not that he tried but couldn't save them, not that Lestat didn't even try.

Louis, poor Louis. Living with guilt and sorrow isn't easy and he's living through it again now. And he can't even trust his own memories. I need him happy. He's not gonna be but I need him to be.

Also his live burial?? like fuck. That was vile. Like we know that he is fine now but still.

Previews. Santiago will die and if he doesn't I will kill him. Louis is a pyromaniac (yay), I'm ready for the whole coven to burn.

From the trailers we didn't yet see the bookshelves falling on Daniel so it has to be next episode. Also we didn't yet see the Loustat hug and I don't think it's what happens after the trial, especially not with Louis coming to kill Lestat, so that would mean it has to have happened later (Dubai maybe? I mean we do need Lestat's side of the story next season so we could get him now.)

[addisonstars]

"the many masks of regulus black"

written for day 25 of october for @jegulus-microfic with the prompt "mask"

608 words!

James came into the house and he knew something was wrong. Nothing was different about the house or anything; the lights were still on, a candle burning like normal, and he even saw soup stewing on the stove. That’s a little unsafe, thought James, but he didn’t think twice about it. So no, nothing was really wrong, but his…call it his spidey sense, told him something was wrong. 

He kicked off his shoes, checked the pot on the stove to make sure it wasn't going to burn down the house and headed into his bedroom, disrobing as he went. James, walking into the bedroom, noticed then what was wrong. 

It was Regulus, he was curled in a lump on the bed with the lights off, blinds shut and everything in the room just off. James stilled in the doorway wondering how to approach the situation. He could turn away and leave Regulus to stew in his feelings. Or if he should go over and comfort him and snuggle up with. 

The answer seemed obvious, as ninety-nine percent of the time James knew what Reg needed, but that one percent was constantly looming over James. Had they been married for a little over two years now and had they known each other for over a decade? Yes. But they were learning new things about each other every day. 

James went over to Reg and gently rubbed his back, waking him from his slumber. Regulus rolled over and groaned, stretching his arms out rubbing his eyes. He must have been asleep for a little bit. 

“Hey love,” James whispered softly, so as not to disturb Regulus. 

Regulus blinked, trying to find James in the dark of the room. “James.” 

“Yeah baby, I’m home.” 

“Mmm,” he rolled back over to the wall, back once again facing James. He sounded happy to see James, but it looked like he didn't want to be with James. James knew then that Regulus was in some sort of funk today. 

It happens to everyone, and definitely happens to Regulus. Not because of anything specific, but he knew that Walburga and Orion had an effect on his depression. And on days like these, Regulus gets into a funk, and James tends to be one of the only people who can pull him out. Sirius as well. 

James undressed and climbed into bed with Regulus. Regulus scooted even closer to the wall, avoiding James even more. 

“Reggie,” James started. He didn't want to be imposing on Regulus, but someone can’t drown if you don’t let them go in the water. 

“I’m fine babe, just tired.” He was breathing steadily which was good, a nice reassurance to James. “Hey, can you go check the soup, I forgot I had it-”

“Reg.” James said a bit more sternly. He hated being like this, but he knew that Regulus was close to the deep end. “Drop the mask, don’t lie to me.” 

Regulus rolled over and he buried his face into James' shoulder, taking slow breaths. “I am tired though.” 

“And?” James prompted. 

His voice sounded a bit muffled shoved into James' shirt. “I’ll tell you in a bit. Ok?” James frowned. It’s not what he wanted to hear, but he guesses that it’s better than radio silence. “I promise I’m not lying, I will tell you, but I just…need, I dunno-” he paused, “you? Quiet? A little bit more time to think about what’s inside my head?” He said softly, timidly.

James frown turned upside down. “Ok, Reggie dear, I’ll be here.” He kisses Regulus’ forehead and once he heard his heartbeat slow down, James shut his eyes too. 

...am i proud of myself for this line: "someone can’t drown if you don’t let them go in the water" yes, yes, i am :,,)

-a.s.

[daniyanii]

YANDERE KILLMONGER:

‘Slow Death’- Episode 1

I was hiding from Erik in my apartment. I never told him where I lived so I figured I’d be safe at home.

My phone was literally pinging so much the dings weren’t even able to fully ring out before another one cut it off. Finally picking it up, I realized it was hot to the touch.

+1 (473) 372-3639: Y/n please, just talk to me

+1 (473) 372-3639: I know you felt what i felt last night, you don’t have to deny it. I swear I want you

+1 (473) 372-3639: Why the fuck didn’t you go to the bar??

+1 (473) 372-3639: I fucking swear Y/n if you dont pick up your phone, I will find you and it wont be pretty.

Great, now he was threatening me. I had seen Erik half naked last night and I knew that whatever I could do to him, he could do back to me 10x harder. There were too many scars on him for him to be affected by my weak attacks

So, I picked up on his next call. Anything to stop him from looking for me further.

“Baby??” His frantic voice rung out before I could say anything

“Hello?” I mustered the courage to talk back

“Thank god you’re ok. Baby why did you leave me?? you scared the shit outta me.”

“I-I had work…”

“Baby, stop lying to me. I know you don’t gotta work till tuesday, today’s saturday.”

“H-How did you know that?” I was now super worried because if he knew that then he definitely knew more.

“I know everything about you love. You cant hide it from me, I’m the one for you.”

“Erik please, I’m not looking for a relationship at all right now. And I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear last night.”

A moment of silence flew and then you heard Erik’s deeply disturbed chuckles.

“You don’t get that choice anymore baby, you just don’t understand the love I have for you. I licked it so it’s mine, and i’m coming to get what’s mine.”

“Erik you’re not understanding. I dont wanna be with anyone right now. Im sorry if you thought I wasn’t serious about that but I need time to heal from my last relationship still.”

That was a lie I am 110% over my ex. I wouldn’t go back to him even if every other man on this earth spontaneously combusted. But I am still uncomfortable with relationships and the level of vulnerability people have to display in a relationship.

“Heal? What the fuck did that nigga do to the point you gotta heal? I swear just tell me who he is baby and I’ll get him out the the way… forever.” he sounded much too serious

“Look Erik, I really had a great time but last night was the end of whatever we had. I…I think you took it the wrong way so let me be very clear. I do not want to be with you or anyone. I really just want to get to know myself more and im sorry if it’s hard for you to detach from someone you’ve had sex with but I need you to do it. I’m just not the girl you’re looking for right now and i’m really sorry for making you think I was.”

“You done?” Erik responded boredly, like what you were saying was just an unnecessary manual.

“Um…yeah?” I was skeptical about answering because honestly I didn’t know how he would react

“Well then, I guess it’s time to make myself very clear. We are together, and people that are together don’t leave. You don’t wanna be with me right now, and that’s fine. But we are dating. Shit at this point we might as well be married. Because I love you, not only that but I’m in love with you. I think about you all day, and when I sleep I literally fucking dream about you. I needed you, so I got you.”

There was an extremely long silence after that.

‘If I were still that young and romantic teenage girl the words themselves would’ve made me swoon. But i’m not dumb and young anymore, I know men are dangerous and see women and people like me as trophies to just sit on a shelf to collect dust, only pulling them out when they want to.

But apparently I am still dumb. Why did I even do this to myself or him? He’s clearly insane and something I did just set him completely off.’

I had no words to say. Not only has anyone ever said anything remotely similar like that to me but even if they had I would still have no clue what to say. The only thing I could think was:

‘Should I hang up?’

“I know you fuckin heard me. I love you, and there’s nothing you can do or I can do to make me stop. Now please, stop being difficult and just open the door baby.” He started aggressively but ended with a soft serenading tone

“Wha-.” You couldn’t even finish before you heard it

It being the sound of a knock at the door.

[berylcups]

(♥️) All of You- Trans!Ghiaccio X Reader (wip mini preview)

Notes: I got some inspo from one of my favorite bands, take a listen if you want. It’s a really lovey dovey song 💖 I want to see if people think I’m going in the right direction with this fic by giving a small preview. I hope you like it so far-I’m putting my whole heart into it so I’m a little nervous 🥲 enjoy the small snack! 💜 Beryl

CW: coming out anxiety, body insecurities, past toxic relationships mentions, very very very slight yandere tendencies from reader??? Nothing toxic just extremely dedicated

“I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking frustrated. I want so much more than just kissing and making out but I keep basically edging myself because I’m too afraid of what they’ll think once they know who I really am.” He ranted as he paced across the room. “ and god —I know this bothers them because when I stop them they look so dejected! But they smile and say it’s okay and everything is fine when I KNOW they are fucking lying!”

“Ghiaccio calm down and take a deep breath. I know it pisses you off when I say that but I really mean it.” Melone said, trying to calm his partner down. “You know very well you are your authentic self. Always have, always been. You need to come out only when YOU are ready. If Y/N can’t be bothered to wait for you and want intimacy that bad, then they weren’t meant for you. But Y/N is the most patient person I've met and I think they will wait as long as it takes for you.”

“…Yeah I know. I’m just worried about…you know…my anatomy.” He sighed, combing his hand through his curls.

“Only someone heartless would be concerned about something like that.” Melone growled, thinking about the painful past. He could only sleep well at night knowing that they were used as surrogates for his stand.

“Y/N practically idolizes you. I don’t think they would reject a single part of you. I truly believe that.”

_____________________________________________

“Well we both officially have been together for 7 months now and…we haven’t… you know. I’m not trying to pressure him or anything so please don’t take that the wrong way! I will always wait for him! But…am I not attractive to him? Is that why?” You asked nervously.

“Oh no absolutely not. He’s VERY attracted to you amore. He…well… we grew up together so I can read him like a book but the problem he’s having is—he has some insecurities.”

“Insecurities? About what? Did I do or say something wrong? I would never meant to make him feel that way!” You panicked. “ I love him so much I’d fucking kill for him—I’d even kill myself for HIM. I would do ANYTHING for this man!”

“Woah—calm down Y/N amore. I know you do. But don’t do anything rash now. You didn’t do anything wrong at all. It has nothing to do with anything you did… But try to take yourself out of the picture here… You are the first successful relationship he’s had in his life. Anytime he fully opened up to his past partners it..ended up nasty and his heart broken. He’s afraid of the past repeating itself.” Melone gently rubbed your back as he explained.

“Ok. It’s not about me. I was being a little selfish and impatient now that you put everything in perspective… Poor Ghia. He deserves an apology. I never knew he was so insecure.” You clasped your hands together in your lap thinking hard about your past behavior.

[hypersonic04]

Part Five

this is kind of messy so i apologise in advance.

word count: 2,003

'is ross coming in today?'

I send the text message to George as I sit in my car, already parked outside of the recording studio. Regardless of his reply, I'm still going to end up going in, but at least I'll be mentally prepared for the day ahead of me.

'yeah'

My heart sinks at his reply. We haven't really spoken since everything happened with Ross, and I'd be lying if I said it hadn't knocked my confidence. Maybe I am just another random person sat in their writing room, I think to myself as I breathe deeply in the drivers seat, checking my hair in the rear view mirror and finally forcing myself out.

I can hear Looking For Somebody (To Love) before I even walk into the room. They finished it off yesterday, the first completed song on the album.

When I finally enter the room, they're all sat intently listening to it, boyish grins on their faces as they take it in. My jaw drops as I listen to it, meeting with Matty's gaze and laughing lightly.

"This is insane." I smile. "This is so good."

"I know, right?" George laughs, spinning around in a chair to face me. I nod in reply.

I avoid Ross in every way, shape and form throughout the day. Where I've tried to be pleasant in the past, I've assumed his tactic of pretending he doesn't exist and ignoring every word that comes out of his mouth. If he can be rude, then so can I.

"The guitar sounds good." He says from the other side of the room as I play it back, the guitar that I'd recorded.

"George, could you put a reverb on it?" I look to him next to me, and it's as if George clocks what I'm doing as we make eye contact.

"Uh, yeah, sure." He replies, the corners of his mouth turning upwards as I shoot him a curt smile, focusing back on the dashboard.

"Thanks."

He cannot stand it. I hear him huff loudly and leave the room for a second, coming back in and sitting down heavily with an exaggerated sigh.

Thankfully, the day passes quickly and before we know it, it's pitch black outside.

"We're going to the pub, you coming?" Matty says as he pulls on his coat. I contemplate it for a second, squinting a little.

"Yeah, I'll come."

Again, that ridiculously loud sigh rings out through the studio and I find myself rolling my eyes, almost hoping that he saw me. Standing up, I grab my bag and head towards the door, as does Matty, leaving Ross in there alone.

"Everything ok?" Matty frowns at me a little as we leave together and I purse my lips.

"Absolutely fine." I nod. "Is he coming?" I tilt my head behind us to the studio.

"Yeah, he is." He gives me an odd look and I turn away, walking towards my car a little quicker.

Sure enough, when I arrive, Ross is already sat at a table with Adam, multiple pints in front of him.

"All of these for you two?" I grin as I sit next to him, pretending that I don't hear him uncomfortably clear his throat.

"No, surprisingly." Adam laughs. "Ross got everyone a drink."

"Oh, thank you." I look down at the drinks and take one, taking a sip and avoided Ross' eye contact.

The others arrive and I'm thankful for the flowing conversation and slowly thawing atmosphere between Ross and I. The more I drink, the more I have to try and put up the cold, standoffish front I've managed to keep all day, constantly reminding myself of his conversation with George the other day.

"I'm going out for a smoke." Matty says.

"I'll join you." George stands up from his chair, following him out of the doors.

The silence that immediately resumes between Ross and I is tense. Adam had left an hour earlier, having to get home to his son, leaving the two of us. Awkwardly, I rub my hands down the denim on my thighs, looking anywhere except him. It's difficult when he's sat in such close proximity, his shoulders broad and legs positioned widely.

"Are you alright?" His deep voice breaks the silence and I immediately look at him, a frown on his face. Not the kind I'm familiar with, the kind I usually receive, but one that's... concerned?

"I'm fine." I shoot back arguably too quickly, looking down at my nails.

He doesn't say anything else, finishing his pint and heading to the bar to get another. When he returns, he places another pint of beer on the table for himself, and a cider for me.

"You didn't have to-"

"It's fine." He cuts me off and I swallow heavily, meeting his dark eyes. "Think of it as a peace offering."

"A peace offering?" I laugh, and he does so as well.

He tilts his head to the side, as if justifying his choice of words. "Yeah, of sorts."

"For what?"

"I don't know, just... being an arse, I guess." He has another drink, and it's only when he puts his glass back on the table that I notice the amount of empty ones lined up behind it.

"I mean, thank you." I purse my lips. "I'm sorry, too."

"What are you sorry for?" He laughs sarcastically, and the rare sound makes my stomach drop.

"For today." I blush a little at my act, my attempt to be as cold as he usually is to me. He doesn't reply, just looks at me intently as I take a rather large gulp of cider. I note how unattractive I must look - mouthful of drink, hair that desperately needs washing pulled up into a bun, an old college hoodie thrown on. I look away immediately, embarrassed. "Are you drunk, Ross?" I giggle as I notice the red around his eyes.

"Not really." He replies with a small smile. "Are you?"

"Not really."

Matty and George come back and I notice the look they give each other, hopeful, almost, at our seemingly civil conversation.

"What're you two talking about?" Matty teases.

"Iris thinks I'm drunk." Ross says as I swear there's humour in his voice.

"I did not say that, I just-"

"Ross, are you drunk?"

The alcohol that swirls around the four of us makes us giggle like teenagers, far too loud and laughing far too much at jokes that aren't that funny.

"Tell Iris about the one from that time in Japan." George laughs.

"Oh my god, wait until you hear this one." Ross nudges me and laughs lowly, and it flicks a switch inside me. I remember the night when we went out and how his hand had felt on my back, how he'd had a drink then.

We laugh and giggle at each other's drunken stories until it's far too late.

"We should probably go home, it's empty." George says as he finished the last of his beer.

"Yeah, you're right, actually." Matty replies as he stands up, already heading towards the door. "Fuck, it's pissing it down." He laughs loudly.

"Are you being serious?" I call as I jog to catch up with him.

He was right - the rain bounces off of the pavement as I stare out of the window.

"We'll just have to brave it." Ross says as he comes to stand next to me, leaning forward as he looks out of the window. I swallow heavily as he stands so close next to me and I have to fight the urge to lean into him or hold his arm as I did the night at the bar.

The four of us head out into the rain, Matty and George a little further in front as Ross and I walk side by side.

"What?" I say as I catch him pursing his lips, holding in a laugh as he steals a glance at me.

"Nothing." He holds his hands up in defence and I laugh, the alcohol coursing through my body making me completely forget about my earlier facade.

"Is it my hair?" I playfully gasp as he laughs, shaking his head. "I know, it's ridiculous. It just goes curly when it gets wet, like Annie." He laughs at me and I can't even try to suppress the feeling in my chest.

"It doesn't look ridiculous at all." He smiles down at me.

Matty's voice breaks me out of the oasis I feel I've slipped into in that second.

"Fuck this, me and George are getting a taxi home!" He shouts over the rain.

"Okay!" I call back, pushing a wet strand of hair away from my face. "I'm just going to walk, I only live round the corner!"

"I'll walk you back." Ross says, his offer surprising me. I don't reply, afraid that declining his offer might ruin the progress we've made tonight.

As Matty and George turn down a street to wait for their cab under a bus shelter, we head straight on.

"What was wrong earlier?" He says to me as we walk down the path in silence, the rain less-so now, street lamps illuminating the dark pavement in harsh, cool bursts of light. It flatters his face, a few strands of wet hair escaping and hanging down the front of his face.

"Nothing." I shake my head and cross my arms across my chest.

We return to silence for a few minutes.

"I heard what you said to George."

He looks down at me, gulping almost. "I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"Clearly." I laugh sarcastically.

The sole of my shoe slips off of the curb as we walk round the corner, my drunken state only adding to my clumsiness. He catches me arm, just like the night at the bar, but this time, he doesn't let go.

"I'm sorry." he says suddenly, blinking hard in the rain. "I'm sorry for what I said."

"It's okay, Ross." I look up at him and then glance at his lips, slightly parted as he inhales, his chest rising. "I-"

"I don't know why I'm doing this."

"Doing what?" I shake my head in confusion. His hand slips down my arm to link with my fingers and my head feels dizzy.

"This, Iris. I don't know why I keep pretending that I'm okay with you."

"Ross, what are you talking about?" I hold onto his hand tightly like I might wake up from a dream if I let go.

"Like I'm fine. I can't sleep, Iris. I can't, and, I don't know why." He steps closer to me and I breathe quickly, the only thing clear in my vision being his lips. "I don't know how to control how I feel and I hate it, I hate how you make me feel."

"You hate me?" I look up at him, his eyes deep and serious. He tucks some hair behind my ear as we stand in the rain, still heavy, and I feel like I'm in some kind of parallel universe. He can't control how he feels? He can't sleep? Is this what all of this is?

"I hate that the songs you write are better than anything I ever could, I hate how I can't not look at you when you're in a room."

I lean further, alcohol clouding my mind, holding onto his shoulders tightly. He closes the gap between us, his lips firm as they press perfectly against mine. I stop breathing for a second, his tongue slipping across my bottom lip and intertwining with mine. I don't want it to ever end - it's like something has been broken, like the tension was this all along. This kiss.

Pulling away, he presses his forehead to mine gently.

"Ross, I..." I whisper.

"I'm sorry." He breathes out again and I shake my head. "No, you do't understand." He steps back for a second, letting go of my hand. My heart sinks immediately. "I can't."

[aroace-poly-show]

its probably not a song that hw would cover sound wise perhaps but. inochi ni kirawarete iru's lyrics. (specifically thinking ruinene here)

"i couldn't care a bit if i died, but i'd be pretty sad if the people around me did / i suppose it’s some kind of ego; that goes “because I just wouldn’t like it” and "i couldn't care a bit if i died, But I’m wanted alive by the people around me"

"Are these wounds really ok to be expressed with words like “I’m lonely”

"If we’re going to end up sad and if that’s fine, then you gotta laugh alone forever"

"I don’t need dreams or even a tomorrow, If you’ll have lived on then that’s all I need. Yeah… That’s actually what I want to sing about."

"Killing, struggling, laughing, shouldering it all, living, living, living, living-- just live."

idk just something about the vibe of. our self worth is at rock bottom but i care about you so let's just keep living and living and living on

AWAWAWAWAWA YEAH YEAH ITS SO. ITS SO HW RUINENE….sobs…

i’m gonna take this opportunity to give some of my thoughts on the song judas by abuse and hw. i can make any song about the character. /ref

well. it’s more of a rui song in general ( staring at the chorus lyrics) but i’m on that hw brainrot and thought too hard about it and now it’s permanently connected to hw in my head. hear me out.

“MARCH! Someone called you a "walking" creature. MARCH! Someone called you a "lamenting" creature” rui. hw rui as well of course. but yeah. feel like its self explanatory.

“Good morning, it's no problem if you cry, shout Or laugh. Look, your facial expression in this photo looks funny” hear me out i have a very specific visual in my head featuring hw ruinene for this like cause like they. they have this wall between them. but they still tease each other just like this like everything’s the same like they aren’t keeping themselves closed off from the other and. augh. do you see my vision.

“I want to change, I want to change myself! Please, change my life!” hw. they all. they all have Something about them that they so desperately want to change. they want things to be different. so fucking bad. they all take that opportunity to try again and to change in main story. yknow. am i making sense.

“MARCH! Someone called you a "deciding" creature MARCH! You are a "killing" creature” rui again. at its core this is a rui song to me <3

"I don't need it, it doesn't feel good" hw excluding tsukasa lying like they don’t still love shows with all their heart

“My need for attention is unbearable” i still need to get around to do his post but TSUKASA. TSUKASA. need i say more.

“I admit, that I will never change, You can only change, what can be changed” mmmmmmmmm. rui rui rui rui and his belief and acceptance that he’ll always be that weirdo kid who’s never trusted but also emu and her feelings about her childishness and aughhhhhhh

“That's why, our feelings/Make the world more beautiful?” throws up and dies. hwcore fucking line.

“MARCH! Someone called you a "walking" creature. MARCH! Someone called you a "lamenting" creature. MARCH! Someone called you a "deciding" creature. March on, you continue to live.” RUI AGAIN BUT THAT LAST FUCKKNG LINE. march on you continue to live. hw entirely. hello. is anyone out there. are you hearing me.

[soullikethesea]

Negative

Currently I feel a bit ashamed and disabled. I'm definitely in a burnout-type of state. Actively tired/brain foggy, feeling weird and having body aches.

Finally someone came to give the window a temporary update so that it can be opened. I don't feel happy about this??? It just feels foreign and scary. And the whole process has been so so triggering.

I got apologies three times this week, from the people involved.

And somehow that just makes it hurt more. I fucking predicted this situation and I tried everything in my power to get it fixed and it still took more than 6 months. It reminds me so much of being with my father.

He never apologized to me, of course. Or, well, one time when he was two hours late to come get me and I broke my collar bone. He still says that it was his fault. And yet his guilt and apologies do not make me feel better either. I may be broken.

The landlord stuff just makes me want to cry. It also reminds me of when I got bullied in school and I felt increasingly broken. I am missing a key-component of being human: the ability to protect myself, to show my teeth. Sometimes it feels like I don't have claws, I don't have teeth like other people do.

So even today, I befriended the handyman that neglected me. It's survival 101, isn't it? Befriend your enemy, make them care about you. If you cannot fight, befriend.

Fuck that shit. Fuck the migraine I got, fuck the changes I seem to take so hard, like the new supervisor at work. And even the window now being openable feels so Wrong. I may be autistic after all, or just traumatized, or just weird. Who even knows at this point... I wish I could talk to T, but I also don't, because I have no energy left to explain myself and guide other people towards being helpful.

I also had a low-key job interview thing going, where they forgot to call me - TWICE. I literally got stood up twice. And yes, they apologized as well. It just... it feels bad. I don't know if I'm responding in the right ways so that there is less of a chance of it happening again.

My colleague also left a ton of work to me, without asking me if I'd be OK with it. It's probably not on purpose, but that's another meh thing.

Well, I'll be fine. It seems like all of this is this level of overwhelming just because I did too many things last weekend! And that's another thing I feel pissed about. I wish I could be like a normal person and I could do things without becoming *this* exhausted. I keep comparing myself to some autistic friends I have and they are able to do so much more and it feels a little unfair sometimes. That's what makes me feel so disabled. I hate that I'm stuck within myself. I'll make the most of it, but I can't escape needing to accommodate myself and skipping out on a lot of normal/fun experiences.

Quite a few people have been asking me why I'm not doing a PhD and well, there it is. I'd need so many accommodations that it really isn't realistic. I'm not cut-out for that workload.

So here I am, listening to ASMR for some hours lying under a blanket on my carpet. Lucky that I can do something like that. Worrying a bit about how I'm going to cope without exercizing, since I found out that I injured myself last week. Ironically, I injured myself while doing PT exercises..!

When I forced myself to go into work again last night, it was like a switch flipped and I was completely fine. I liked how it felt, that I could be functional in that moment, but it does also sound a bit like dissociation...

[celestiall0tus]

Paradise - Chapter 23 - Interference

Beginning || Previous || Next

            Bridgette moved through the apartment as she cleaned. She paused from time to time to glance at Marinette curled up on the couch asleep. She’d sigh before she continued with cleaning. It had been a month since their first battle. A month since Marinette was trapped under debris, unable to free herself. She could only imagine what it was like for Marinette to relive such an experience. She didn’t need to think too hard as she could see it in Marinette.

            Bridgette glanced at Marinette again before she retreated into the kitchen. Marinette had been jumpier than usual. Always watching, always on the lookout. She had tried to keep Marinette out of harm’s way, but she often expended too much of herself. She dreaded each night for the pain that would come. She feared the feeling of her body on fire as if she would burn alive, the ferocious aches that stretched her thin, all to the metallic taste of blood that filled her mouth for hours. She didn’t want to experience it, but she had to stomach it for Marinette’s sake.

            “You look sick. Are you ok?” Zoe asked.

            Bridgette jumped as she looked down at Zoe. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

            “You’re lying.”

            “Yes, yes I am.”

            “Then tell me what’s wrong.”

            Bridgette sighed. “I’m not ready to head out tonight. I feel… not well.”

            “Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much of yourself protecting Marinette.”

            “I have to. She isn’t strong enough on her own, even with Tikki. If I can see it, so can you. We’re all like superhumans when transformed, but she’s like a normal person. She still needs the protection.”

            “Yeah, but you’re not alone. You know that, right?”

            “I… I know.”

            “But.”

            “But I have trouble accepting it. For a long time, it was just us. All her friends had abandoned her. Well, save for Alya, Mylene, and Ondine. It was just me who was there for her. It was just me to protect her. I know there are others, but I can’t let go. I can’t trust them to protect her.”

            “Look, I admire your conviction, but you’re going to crash and burn. Look at yourself. You’re burning up fast. You need to rest. I think you should sit tonight out.”

            “What? No. Absolutely not. I need to be there for her. I need to be there for all of you. You need my illusions.”

            “We also need you alive. You can’t be there for anyone if you’re dead.”

            Bridgette flinched. “I… alright. Tonight only. Keep the cat in line.”

            Zoe groaned. “Do I have to interact with that fleabag? I listen to you fight with that bastard all the time. I really don’t want to deal with him myself.”

            “Well, maybe you’ll be lucky.”

            “Since when is luck on our side when dealing with the cat?” Zoe muttered.

            Bridgette chuckled. “It hasn’t. Any luck is thanks to Hope, and why we need to keep her safe.”

            “Right. I’ll do what I can. And I’ll make sure the others know as well.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Of course. You’re my family now. I don’t want to lose any of you.”

            Bridgette’s eyes widened, then she smiled. She patted Zoe’s head. “We’re glad to have you here, Zoe.”

            Zoe’s eyes lit up before she quickly looked down. “Your grip is weak. You need to rest now.”

            “Alright. Take care tonight. And whatever comes of tonight, make sure Marinette returns home, safe and sound.”

            “You got it. I’ll protect her with everything I have. That I promise you.”

~~

            Widow kept close to Hope through the night. She carried out her duty of cutting down the angel replicas, but she never dared to stray far despite her senses that screamed at her. She grumbled at the sensations to turn away from Hope, to betray Bridgette, and throw herself into the fight utterly and completely. They gnawed at her through the battle, but she refused to let them win no matter how tempting they were.

            Widow fought on against the urges and the waves of angels. An unsettling chill ran up her spine accompanied by the sensation to ignore it. She fought against the desire to ignore it and searched the area. She looked around as her stomach twisted and knotted, her heartbeat rapidly, and terror consumed her. It was all paired with the irresistible longing to turn back and return to the fight.

            Widow shook her head and pressed on. The chill pressed on and consumed her entire body as she weaved in and out of alleyways. She followed the growing feelings of fear and anger that combatted the urge of betrayal. Her pace quickened when she heard the click of heels against cement. She gave chase until she saw a trio, a guy and two girls. The guy and tallest girl looked like demons while the smaller girl looked like a vampire. Thrown over the guy’s shoulder was Hope as she soundlessly screamed for help.

            Widow sprinted after the trio. The urge to betray screamed as she denied it. She would prove her kwami wrong. She would not betray her new family. She kept her eyes on Hope as the guy stopped and turned to face her.

            “Sin! What are you doing?” the demon girl screamed.

            Sin raised his hand as Widow lunged. She pierced his hand as compulsion overcame her. She gritted her teeth and twisted her dagger into his hand as she fought a losing battle to her urges, now stronger than before. Her vision blurred as the urges took over before her vision went black.

            Hope watched as Widow’s eyes blacked over. Widow removed her dagger from Sin’s hand and walked away. Hope attempted to escape while Sin was distracted, but the moment she moved, he held her down.

            “I don’t know where you think you’re going. We went to a lot of trouble to find you again. You owe us a lot, Marinette,” Sin hissed.

            Hope’s heart dropped. She panicked and fought to free herself but couldn’t compete with another holder’s strength. She reached for her yo-yo, but it was snatched by Sin. He tossed it over to Wrath, the demon girl.

            “You owe us a lot, Marinette. It’s time you paid for abandoning us. Isn’t that right, Dread?” Wrath cooed.

            Dread chackled. “That’s right! Look at you, all peachy and pretty. That accident story was a lie after all.”

            Hope scowled as she pointed to each of the scars she could.

            “Please. We know you change appearances with these kwamis. You likely have those to keep up your little lie, bitch,” Wrath growled.

            Hope furrowed her brows as her jaw dropped. She huffed and snapped her fingers. Her yo-yo opened and a pink light shot out. Wrath, Dread, and Sin jumped back as the light shot up and vanished.

            “What did you do?” Wrath demanded.

            Hope stuck out her tongue and flipped off Wrath. Wrath snarled, summoned her weapon, and prepared to strike when Sin stopped her.

            “Easy, Wrath. Let the snack call for help. It’ll just mean more fun for us later.”

            Hope snarled and slammed her fist into Sin’s back.

            “Oh, could you do that again? So gentle, so weak. Almost like a little massage,” Sin taunted.

            Hope threw her hands up in defeat, then went limp.

            Dragnet watched the scene unfold from the rooftop. She considered her options before she left Hope with Sin and headed back to the rendezvous point the teen heroes had set up for the night. She stopped nearby as she peered down at the calm. Unease clawed at her not seeing them all running around like most nights. She inhaled and jumped down.

            “My, where’s all the ruckus? I’m not used to seeing everything so calm,” Dragnet remarked.

            “Who are you?” Huntress asked.

            “I’m-,” Dragnet started.

            “That’s Dragnet. She’s one of us,” Aspik commented.

            “She is?” Luna asked.

            “I am. And I bring news that your ladybug has been captured by a group of delinquent holders.”

            “What?” Huntress, Luna, and Odette yelled.

            “Why didn’t you save her?” Aspik asked.

            “Opportunity. On many fronts,” Dragnet answered.

            “Opportunity? What opportunity? To have Void tear us all to pieces?” Huntress snarled.

            “You’ll be lucky if that’s the only consequence. See, your enemy has been looking into this trio to destroy them. To prevent the ‘demonic forces’ from growing. I believe they can be of assistance to us.”

            “Are you insane? You want to recruit the people that just kidnapped Hope?”

            “Yes, for I know the benefits.”

            “Then do tell, because I’m not going to entertain the notion of welcoming them in after they pull something like this.”

            Luna and Odette nodded in agreement.

            “That is fair. Well, why don’t we keep this simple. They are ‘bad’ concepts that match along with deception, destruction, and betrayal. Making them perfect to join this lovely charade you all indulge your enemies with. They also possess concepts that would negate and cancel out your enemy and your powers. Namely the dog of love and the tiger of valor. You get them on your side, you gain an advantage against your enemy. Lastly, and this is more of a personal thing, but their little goat man is the man Aspik has been looking for.”

            “He is?” Aspik asked.

            Dragnet nodded.

            “How do you know all this?” Huntress asked.

            “Because it’s my job to watch and learn. So, that’s what I’ve been doing this past month. Watching our enemy, just as they have my counterpart watching you all.”

            “What? How?” Luna asked.

            Dragnet grinned. “Why, my dears, both me and my counter have ways to blend in and disappear in plain sight. Even right now.”

            Everyone looked around in confusion while Dragnet looked straight ahead. Circe stiffened under Dragnet’s gaze before she ran away. Dragnet chuckled and turned away.

            “Well, no time like the present, heroes. Will you join me in saving your last hope and gain some potential recruits, or would you rather stay here with your thumbs up your asses waiting for Void to tear you asunder?”

            Huntress snarled. “Fine. Let’s go. Hope is counting on us.”

~~

            Circe ran towards Notre Dame Cathedral when she found one of Echidna’s angels. It noticed and flew down to her.

            “What have you to report?” the angel asked.

            “The villains are going after the goat, rooster, and bat to recruit them now.”

            The angel stiffened. “Understood. Will you lead Agape and Ambrosia to the location?”

            “You can count on me!”

            Circe ran and met up with Ambrosia and Agape before they headed out. Cat Noir watched them from the rooftop of Notre Dame. He tilted his head but ignored them and headed for the Agreste manor. He made it halfway when he saw a little blonde-haired girl in the deserted streets. He groaned, leapt down, and scooped her up.

            “Hey! What the hell is the meaning of this, fleabag?” Zoe yelled.

            “You voice, why is it familiar?”

            Zoe glared up at Cat Noir. “Are you really that stupid, fleabag? Oh, wait, I already know you are!”

            Cat Noir flinched, not at Zoe’s words, but the invisible claws that tore through him. He tried to shake off the sensation, but it persisted.

            “Look, kid, I don’t know or care to understand what is going on. I’m just going to take you home. Got it?”

            “Well, don’t. Put me back onto the ground so I can walk my happy ass home and think about what I did.”

            “It’s too dangerous. There are monsters roaming around at this hour. They’ll likely find and kill you.”

            “You think I don’t know? I haven’t spent the past fucking month fighting with you and Void to not be aware of that fact!”

            “Wait, you’re Widow?”

            “Oh, shocker, right? This little kid has been helping your sorry ass destroy those fucking angels. Who would have guessed? At least I was better at it than you.”

            “Wait, was?”

            “That’s right. I ditched that damn kwami in a dumpster a few blocks ago. Because of her, I betrayed the only people I can give a damn about. Not again. Now, put me down!”

            Cat Noir snarled and moved to put Zoe down, but his body fought against him. He gritted his teeth as he tried to move it, but it refused to relent.

            “Oh, come on! What is going on?” Cat Noir yelled.

            “Put. Me. Down!” Zoe hissed.

            Cat Noir scoffed and jumped down into an alleyway. He de-transformed and faced Plagg.

            “What the hell is going on?” Felix demanded.

            “Change of plans. Give my ring to tiny tyke,” Plagg ordered.

            “What? What do you mean give it to her? Felix asked.

            “Who the fuck are you calling a tyke, bitch?” Zoe demanded.

            “You, tiny tyke. And I sense a creature of destruction. Someone I’d rather have than a self-destructive bitch like yourself,” Plagg hissed.

            Felix bristled. “You know, what? Fine! I didn’t want any part of this except for Adrien, but fuck this. I’m done. Plagg, I renounce you.”

            Felix tore off the cat ring and threw it into a dumpster. He adjusted his coat as he stormed off towards home. He hunched over and grumbled when a chill slipped up his spine. He froze as a pair of hands gripped onto him. He glanced over and saw a woman with sleek black hair, frightening pale skin, and dark, cold eyes.

            “Betrayal cuts deep into the wounds that never healed. But which betrayal was it that cut the deepest? The betrayal of someone you’d hope would help, or rather a betrayal of yourself?”

            Felix sucked in a breath.

            “Ah, there it is. You betray yourself without fail or end. Determined to be more than what your father has made you, but you always fall back into those patterns. You fall back into being just like dear daddy, don’t you?”

            Felix scoffed and kept walking. “I don’t need this. I don’t need another kwami creature whispering in my ear.”

            “Not when I can give you want you’ve always denied yourself. To cast off the irons around your wrists you’ve grown too complacent with.”

            Felix stopped. “I don’t… I don’t want that. I need to be-.”

            The woman materialized in front of Felix. Her dark eyes aglow paired with a sadistic grin. “You’re doing it now. You betray even yourself. It’s quite… intoxicating.”

            Felix grimaced and stepped back, but the woman leaned in and cupped his face.

            “You’re the type of creature I long for, mortal. Betrayal is all you know, but not to others, but to yourself. With me, we can turn that outward. Sever those ties, break those irons, and set you free. Your life your own for once in your life. I know it’s what you want, but you’ll never admit it.”

            “Look, I… I appreciate whatever it is your doing, but I can’t.”

            Silkii laughed. “Can’t, or won’t? They are very different things, mortal.”

            Felix didn’t answer.

            “So, what say you, mortal? Do you accept what I can offer you? Or do you live the rest of your life living in your father’s shadow, letting everyone make your decisions for you, living out all his and your mother’s mistakes?”

            Felix took a sharp breath. “I… I don’t want to, but I have to.”

            Silkii grabbed Felix’s hand and placed her anklet in it. “Not if you don’t want to. It just takes four little words: Silkii, sever the thread.”

            Felix considered, then put the anklet on. He stepped into an alley and took a deep breath. “I hope you don’t disappoint. Silkii, sever the thread.”

Patreon || Discord || Ko-Fi

[heartoflesh]

He doesn't care.

He doesn't care that my heart could break without him. He says he wants me to be happy. That he cares about me and wants me to be happy. Doesn't he know that he is what I want. He can make me happy. It can be so simple. He says he wants what's best for me. But if he truly felt that, if he wasn't lying, he wouldn't brush it off. He wouldn't make it sound like I could be with someone else. That I could be without him. That I would even want to. Or that I could be happy alone when I've already had a taste of him and everything he had so lovingly and eagerly given to me before the world split in two and separated us a further distance than just Ontario and Florida. There are days that I'm so angry. But I try not to be. There are days where I am so sad. But I try not to be. I am always grieving. I want so much to be the happy person that I was before. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't want any of this. I avoided everything having to do with it. I was so careful. But I was given it. I was given it and in the beginning, it was so good. And then it was taken back. Ripped away from me. Life, joking with me. And now I'm just supposed to be happy. But I find myself crying at 1:41 PM, in my mother's office at work. To myself. Hysterically. Silently. By myself. Just the way he made me feel. And it feels like God isn't listening to my prayers. As much as I cry out to Him for help. To ease this pain. To make me forget. To pull me out of this mud and mire that I didn't ask for. But nothing is happening. It feels like nothing is happening and it was so fine before. I was so fine. And now I am broken, wondering when I will finally heal and forget about all this. When will I have traversed enough time to put enough distance between me and these emotions that tear through my muscle and bone. I have never known so much anguish. I have never known this much grief.

Yet I feel so much urgency. Like if I continue to feel this, if I continue to stay in these feelings, I'm elongating this process God has me going through. I'm postponing the blessings. But I don't know how to heal any faster. I don't know how to be ok.

— Excerpt from a book I'll never write, William