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wen-kexing-apologist · 6 months

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ngl i am waiting for you to write about physical touch and HANDS in last twilight *insert manifestation circle.gif here*

Not gonna lie, as much as I have been enjoying Last Twilight, I haven't felt all that inspired to write about it, but it has been making me feel all warm and fuzzy now that people are reaching out and asking for my thoughts. Turns out people actually seem to enjoy my horrendously long posts!

Alright, I will talk about physical touch and hands in Last Twilight, but before I get too far in to it, I just want to say, I love the use of physical touch in shows, but I will dare to claim the use of physical touch seems particularly important, and especially complicated in Last Twilight, compared to most of the other shows I've written about. Why?

Because Day is blind, and Mhok is his caretaker, and if you are remotely aware of disability, the autonomy of disabled people, the privacy of disabled people, the survival of disabled people are often disrupted by abled bodied people. I saw a post somewhere, sorry I can't find it, where someone mentioned the rates of abuse of disabled people by their caretakers and how that might weigh in to Day's reaction to touching a shirtless Mhok in Episode 2.

So.

With Day's blindness, grief, and intentional isolation, as well as his family's anxiety, how much control has Day really had over his own life in the last year? As @bengiyo said in Episode 1, "Day's brashness in the interview when he asks Mhok if he's hot sounds like a gay man knowing that he is about to be touched a lot by a stranger" [not a direct quote, apologies].

Episode 1

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

The first physical touch we get between Day and Mhok is when Mhok touches Day's chin, making a comment that essentially boils down to Day having a punchable face. You can see how shocked Day is to feel Mhok's thumb on him. But the motion is quick, light, and slightly flirty (though maybe I'm reading a bit in to that last one since I know this is a BL). While Day seems taken aback, he doesn't seem uncomfortable with the touch at all, moreso, to me at least, he seems surprised that Mhok *isn't* shying away from touching Day after Day so loudly and blatantly declared his queerness and hit on Mhok.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

The second physical touch we get is when Day leaves his car and winds up on the street with traffic whizzing past. Mhok pulls Day off the street when Day gets overwhelmed and Day goes crashing in to Mhok. I don't remember them staying pressed together for too long, but there is a moment where Mhok is embracing Day. Mhok's hands go to Day's hips while Day's hand rests on Mhok's chest near his collarbone. From my view, this is a decently intimate position for relative strangers, but they don't feel uncomfortable in it. Which is a great hint that Mhok and Day are going to become more to each other. Mhok does something here that I do think is important, which is to tell Day who is he, so Day knows he isn't being manhandled by a *complete* stranger. And though I suspect the biggest reason why Day ends up being driven home by Mhok is because Day wants to be away from Night, it cannot be denied that Day already has some modicum of trust in this random, crass man that burst in for an interview just the other day. Because, as we know, Mhok was really the only person who interacted with Day without falling victim to pity, inspiration porn, or infantilization.

The third physical touch I consider important is when Day's mother stops him from standing up. I've been reading @waitmyturtles PhD level thesis on Bad Buddy so filial piety and saving face is pretty present on my mind. I think it is important to acknowledge that Day does have some autonomy, but where he exercises it is very clear. He can leverage his blindness and his bad experiences with past caretakers to get what he wants out of his mother, and he can double, triple, quadruple the caretaker salary without consulting his mother. But when it comes to physical movement, he listens to his mother, but not to Night. Night tells him to stay in the car, and Day almost immediately leaves the car and goes in to the Society. Day gets out in the middle of traffic after a fight with Night, even after Night begs him to stay in the car. But that moment of challenge from Mhok where he tells Day to come get his ID himself, and Day starts to stand, everything stops dead in its tracks at the first light touch of his mother's hand on Day's chest. So, despite the moments of anger and rebellion we see from Day, he still listens to his mother.

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

And then Day moves to get his ID, and here is where I will mention a moment where there was not any touch. Which, probably could be an essay in and of itself, but I don't have the capacity at the moment, on this airplane, to comb through all the scenes and look for it. But here, this one feels important, because Day takes the ID from Mhok, but Mhok does not let go right away. Their fingers are so close, and in a lot of movies, the handing over of an item would usually involve some sort of moment where fingertips brush and a shockwave of electricity ripples through the future couple. But we don't get that here. The moment of connection, the moment that Day really knows he can trust Mhok, the moment Day decides he is going to hire Mhok has nothing to do with touch, and everything to do with sound. He hears Mhok read Chapter 21 of The Little Prince, a book that is desperately important to Day, and that is that. And I do think it is important that these little touches that we've had, and where we break from the romance tradition for touch are important. Because, I think it is totally fine for feelings to grow between Mhok and Day rather quickly, but I do not think it would have been wise to show Mhok having some sort of actual crush on Day from the beginning. If Mhok had some sort of romantic or sexually attractive feelings for Day before he started working there, that would, in my opinion, read as predatory in some sense. Especially looking ahead to Episode 2, when Mhok is shirtless in Day's room.

Because, the thing about physical touch in television is that a lot of different elements go in to selling it as romantic chemistry. One of the most important components is timing and close up. As a side note, I think timing is a huge factor in to why I did not enjoy Perth and Chimon together in Dangerous Romance (before I dropped it) because the camera just never lingered long enough on their faces or on their touches for me to believe they had feelings for each other. But, by Episode 3 of Last Twilight I can see the care and the chemistry between Mhok and Day. I can see the comfortability that Mhok and Day have from almost the very beginning of knowing each other, but I don't take much of their physical interactions to be sexually charged or romantic in Episode 1. Why would they be? These two don't know each other. By generally avoiding zooming in on just Day and Mhok's hands when they touch, by having Mhok grabbing Day's chin with his thumb quickly and lightly you aren't building to tension. Aof is merely demonstrating that physical touch between Day and Mhok is welcomed and Day is not going to be uncomfortable with having Mhok take care of him.

So we head in to Episode 2 with the understanding that there is some fundamental aspect of Mhok that Day is drawn to, and that Mhok and Day are going to get along.

Episode 2

Now, as much as I have loved the rapidly developing relationship between Mhok and Day, I do kind of wish we had had a full episode's worth of two angry, grieving people coming head to head. But, regardless, Aof handles the transition between casual touch and Something More with expert precision. Unsurprising, considering his oeuvre.

gif by @mooninaugust

So we get absolutely my favorite touch moment to date in Episode 2 with the absolutely terrible secret handshake between two blind people. I love how Mhok is witness to this moment of excitement and friendship between Day and Aon, and that we are too. Because it shows us where Mhok currently stands in Day's hierarchy of relationships. Mhok at the beginning of Episode 2 is still an acquaintance, some dude they hired because he cursed the family out and read The Little Prince during his interview process. The cut scene between Mhok saying Day might not want to see him, and Aon and Day hugging and doing their stupid loser handshake (I love them) shows Mhok and the audience that Day does have joy within him, and that Day is starting to build friendship and connection within his new (read: blind) community. We won't know until a little later in the episode how much Day has been cutting himself off from his old life, but for the time being Mhok knows his place in Day's life.

And Aon picks up on the fact that there is *something* even if it is not necessarily romantic there between Mhok and Day, again not by seeing anything physical between them because a) Mhok and Day did not touch in front of Aon and b) Aon would not have been able to see it anyway. But instead calls out the fact that Day has never talked about a single one of his caregivers before. We know now (and definitely should know already) that Mhok is different from other people Day has engaged with since he started going blind. We just haven't had time for their relationship to mature.

photo from @thatgirl4815

If I recall correctly, the first physical touch between Mhok and Day we get in Episode 2 is when Day accidentally touches Mhok's titty while searching for the eye drops. You can see Day recoil in shock a bit and he questions Mhok almost immediately as to why his shirt is off. Mhok is incredibly matter-of-fact in explaining that Day said he didn't like the smell of cigarettes, so he took his shirt off so as not to stink up Day's room (we can ignore the fact that he would still smell like cigs, but we ignore it For The Vine) and Day relaxes and makes some sort of annoyed comment. Again here, there is no romantic attraction in this rather intimate touch. I mean, this is Mhok's what? Second or third day? Mhok and Day barely know each other, Mhok is constantly fucking up the Whole Routine because he isn't communicating with Day about what Day's needs are, and here he is in his employer's room having his pec fondled. This is supposed to read as funny, and ultimately I think it does, but it doesn't read as romantic, and it definitely should not. What has Mhok done up to this point that would cause Day to have Genuine Romantic Feelings for him? Nothing.

photo from @moonchildridden

Again, the first hint that feelings may be approaching comes outside of the touch, with Mhok seeing how excited Day is to use those few precious seconds of better vision to watch his goldfish. And even moreso, it's not just the action that I think start the train rolling, but the conversation that Mhok has with Day where he asks if the goldfish is lonely. Mhok is able to con Day in to leaving his room by leveraging the health and safety of one of the few things Mhok has seen Day care about and connect with in the short time they've known each other. Day gets outside for the first time in god knows how long, to find that the jasmine is in bloom and to have a lovely conversation with Mhok about it. Mhok asks about Day's vision, how he sees, what he can see, and he tries to adapt to Day's necessary distance requirements. Day of course, has his head turned away and thus does not see Mhok coming in to Day's eyesight range, and bumps his nose against the top of Mhok's finger.

This little, accidental movement is one of my favorites of the episode, mostly because it opens up the conversation where Day asks what Mhok is doing and Mhok asks if Day wants to see his face. And this scene establishes exactly what I mean about timing as it relates to building sexual tension. Day ponders for a moment, the camera lingers on his face, the audience begins to feel like Day is caught off-guard, like maybe he does have some sort of crush on Mhok and he does want to see his face. Only for Day to break that tension right before it gets awkwardly long and tell Mhok he does not. This is closer to the shit that friends would pull. And thus we see that in a very quick period of time Mhok is becoming more important in Day's life as a waypoint. He is listening to Mhok, he has a slight bit of banter going with Mhok when they watch a movie, and even after Day fires Mhok (for the physical touches I will talk about next) Mhok's influence on Day's general day to day (haha) existence is clear in the fact that Day is sitting on the couch and trying to pick a movie entirely independently of anyone.

Things are starting to go smoothly, when Day's friends show up asking when he got back from America. Day panics at the unexpected arrival of friends who seem not to know about his condition, spills his popcorn, and falls to the floor, where he is desperately scrambling to get back on his feet and Get The Fuck Out. Mhok tries to help him up, but he's pretty quickly brushed off. This is the first time we see Day reject a touch from Mhok. Knowing what I know now about where we end up in Episode 3, I am realizing how important this entire scene (from Day tripping to Mhok getting fired) is for establishing a comparison point for change. Because the unwanted touch continues when Mhok breaks in to Day's room, also in a panic when Day is bathing.

gif by @btwinlines

We get such a juicy moment of Mhok and Day's trauma clashing with each other in a way that is unintentionally terrible all around. Day does not know about Mhok's backstory, Day does not know that by putting in his headphones and intentionally ignoring Mhok he is accidentally triggering Mhok regarding the death of his sister. Mhok knows that Day is upset, but only hears the room fall quiet, he does not know that Day is in the bathtub (read: naked) when he comes barging in. Again, to reference the post whoever it was made that talked about the rates of abuse/assault of disabled people by caregivers, this is a horrifically vunerable position that Day finds himself in. Mhok is far enough away from Day's range of vision for Day to see him immediately duck behind a wall to give Day privacy while he wraps himself in a towel. And before Day can really process what is happening, with both his emotions and Mhok's running high, Mhok is grabbing at Day's wrists to check them for cuts. A beautiful (and terrible) detail.

Personally, I do not think anyone's reaction to that situation is wrong, but it does give Day a second round of extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome touching from Mhok, when he's already escalated, and trying to process the fact that Mhok just barged in to his room while Day was naked and got a little peek. Here Day demonstrates that he does have autonomy, and that Mhok respects that autonomy with Day firing Mhok after two particularly awful physical interactions, and with Mhok not even saying a word in protest and just accepting his termination and leaving the house.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

Now. Mhok isn't completely going out fighting, and Mhok I think has really started to realize that he cares for Day (even if he doesn't necessarily have feelings at this point) because of how badly he was triggered by Day falling silent. Mhok is a thoughtful person and respects Day's boundaries by sending Porjai to the house instead of going himself. Much to Day's chagrin, because the second the doorbell rings, you can see this hopeful look that maybe Mhok is going to walk through that door. Porjai hands Day the present Mhok bought him, and Mhok does hold the slippers close, but he relies heavily on his hands to feel the slippers to figure out what they are and what they look like. He knows immediately that Mhok has been paying attention and trying to get to know Day immediately because the slippers solve the problem Day has had with hitting his feet on furniture corners, and the slippers look like goldfish, one of the few things Day has seemed to care about since knowing Mhok.

Beyond the fact that I think Day already felt bad about what happened the other day and regrets firing Mhok, this really does demonstrate to Day that people still care about him, want to get to know him, and understand that adaptation is a constant in Day's new reality. But Mhok takes it further, by committing to the motherfucking bit to understand Day better.

Aside: I fucking *love* Aof for how often his stories focus on the overlooked or disenfranchised people, and I think that while it is going to be a feat for Last Twilight to become my favorite Aof piece considering how important Moonlight Chicken is to me, the backstories of Mhok and Day and the way they inform character decisions is perhaps my favorite of all of the shows I've seen of Aof's. I *love* the conversation that Mhok and Aon have where Aon says Day is scared of being looked at and judged by people, and how Mhok is like "why?" because he has spent the last year a visible criminal, trying to get a job, and being constantly rejected for exactly the reason he thinks. Mhok has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to reintegrate himself in to society, while Day has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to remove himself from society as completely as he can. Even if I am not sure that he believes it wholly, I do think Mhok understands that he isn't an inherently bad person because he was locked up, but that he is a victim of circumstance, and yet even reformed from his truancy past, Mhok found it impossible to get a job because people stopped caring about him as a person the second they saw his ankle monitor. Thus, Mhok knows exactly what it is like to be written off, to be abandoned, to be forgotten and I think it is for precisely those reasons that Mhok decides to spend the time and effort to understand the world that Day is living in.

The ankle monitor has served as an embarrassment for Mhok in such a way that I truly do not think Mhok is concerned about seeming like a complete and utter fool. And even so, he starts to understand the fear that Day is living with existing as a blind person in public, because Mhok is extremely used to seeing what people think of him without them having to say anything, and now he has no idea.

gif by @btwinlines

Which I think is a good segue in to the next physical touch we get, which is Day feeling Mhok's face in the marketplace after he asks Porjai to take him there. Again, the distance of the camera, the timing of the movement does not come off as romantic, at least to me. But it does come off as comfortable. I think Day is fucking with Mhok a little bit when he touches his face, and we don't actually acknowledge or get any conversation around the way Day has just demonstrated what it feels like to be touched without warning.

And YET AGAIN Aof has their bond strength not through touch, but through conversation. Because they aren't falling for each other yet, they are still learning about one another. And so they have a conversation where Mhok apologies and Mhok explains what he was trying to do and Mhok identifies what it is that makes Day so afraid of being in public. And we end Episode 2 with Mhok being re-hired as Day's caregiver. But wait!

Remember the last touch we get in Episode 1 is not a touch at all, it's Day taking his ID back from Mhok. Well, the last touch we get in Episode 2 is not a touch at all, it's Day throwing his hands to the sky on the back of Mhok's motorcycle and letting the wind hit his face. It's Day sitting on the complete opposite side of a glass tank, and using his moment of improved vision to catch a glimpse of Mhok. They aren't touching, yet we end the episode with the understanding that Day and Mhok have strengthened their relationship and are on the fast road to friendship. Personally, I feel like it is extremely responsible of Aof to not treat touching a blind person or having a blind person touch you as inherently romantic, and to have the more stomach swoopy moments come from actions and observations entirely devoid of touch. But, I'm not blind so I don't know how much something like that might actually matter to blind people who are engaging with this story.

Episode 3

IT IS TIME FOR FEELINGS!

There are so many physical touches in this episode. The first we get is Mhok unwrapping a bandage on Day's foot, with Day looking extremely at peace with the action. The second we get is Mhok kind of poking at Day and then jokingly moving to pick Day up when he refuses to start cleaning his room. Day doesn't seem like a person generally fond of man-handling, but you can tell very easily that Mhok is just fucking with Day because Day fucked with Mhok. We are witnessing friendship! Which persists throughout the entire episode.

photo by @athousandbyeol

I like too that Mhok using the blindfold to better understand Day is not a one and done situation. Again there are a few friendly touch moments that do not at all read as romantic.Mhok steals Day’s sunglasses and is perfectly at peace with Day feeling up his face to try to see if the sunglasses Mhok is wearing are his; and when Mhok's hand envelopes Day's when they are trying to guess the shirts in Day's closet by feel alone. Day does not tense up, he doesn't suck in a breath, he doesn't really let that touch linger. He shakes it off quickly and is like "that's my hand". And again, as an aside (I hope this does not come across inappropriately but) I kinda like that Mhok is almost gamifying Day's blindness. What I mean by that is that Day and Mhok are engaging in friendly competition to see who can accurately guess the article of clothing. It seems like a great way to bring some joy and levity to helping Day get better at understanding his surroundings without the use of his vision.

I am an absolute sucker for couples in shows that have an established friendship beforehand. I don't mean friends to lovers necessarily, but too often in BLs I have noticed that romantic interests are only ever that and we don't get a lot of moments of stupidity, tomfoolery, and fun. So you better believe I was living my best life in the next physical touch scene when Day and Mhok are fighting with the dinosaur costumes on. And this is where the physical touches start to change, because we start without physical touch and end with it, where we have up until this point been ending every moment of connection and relationship progression ending without touch.

gif by @raypakorn

For the dinosaur fight, we get the non-romantic, entirely platonic assistive touch of Mhok helping (poorly) to guide Day to the driveway (this fucker was so ready to wrestle he forgot to tell Day to mind the stairs at first lmfao). The actual point of connection starts with Mhok intentionally trying to dive out of the way of Day’s touch. And once again Mhok Day’s blindness to elevate a game between them, by clapping and then diving out of the way to try to avoid Day’s movements. But that avoidance of physical interaction very quickly devolves in to a wrestling embrace, laughing, having fun, and then settling on the ground to chat until Day hears his mother’s car and they run back inside to hide the evidence of childish glee.

Day’s mother returns to find a very different Day from who she left, he’s out of his room, he’s eating in the dining room, he’s seeming much more confident in his ability to navigate around the house. And of course, she has to go and ruin the moment by pushing too quickly on a nerve about going back to school. Day wants to withdraw from school and he needs to go in person.

Now.

We have seen Day taking massive strides in his own healing process in the last few episodes because he is starting to ask for help when he needs it, and Mhok is getting better at caretaking because he is started to ask if Day wants help for certain tasks or if Day is going to do them himself, thus allowing Day to set his limitations. Knowing that Day is going in to school, he asks Mhok to help him fix up his hair, and we get the first of many more crush-level physical touches in the show.

gif by @jimmysea

I’m not Thai, so forgive me if this is wrong, but I am pretty sure that in Thai culture the head is considered sacred and having people touch your head carries a significance that I do not think Western audiences really understand (speaking as a Western viewer). If this is indeed true, then the scene where Mhok is fixing Day’s hair gets even more intense, even when there is a clear change in Mhok’s view of Day from friendly to starting to see something more. Mhok even makes a comment about how Day is a stunner (or something) when his hair is done, and when Mhok asks Day if he likes it and Day returns the question, there is a pause that is not at all dissimilar to the pause Day had after Mhok asked him if Day wanted to know what Mhok looked like.

But where the tension from Episode 2 when Mhok asks the question is broken in a way that makes it seem more like Day is just teasing, I don’t think Mhok’s deflection of “it’s alright” really returns the same level of dismissal. Because Mhok is starting to realize something about the way he is feeling for Day.

We get the inside of the Thai subway for the first time in maybe ever? As Mhok and Day make their way to Day’s college. And thus the not-a-date-kind-of-a-date adventure begins. Day is clinging on to Mhok’s arm as they navigate on to the subway car, at which point Mhok breaks off from Day to try to ask for a seat for Day. But Day grabs him and pulls him back, choosing instead of hold on to Mhok’s arm. Like I have been saying, Aof has been doing a really great job at differentiating the types of touches, and up until this point, the more intimate touches between Mhok and Day, such as when Day feels Mhok’s titty in his bedroom or Mhok’s face at the market, don’t read as romantic, because Day is taking in information to supplement his vision. Similarly, the moments where Day is holding on to Mhok for assistance in environmental navigation, such as when Mhok helps guide Day to his professor’s office or helps him down the stairs the physical touch is matter-of-fact on both ends.

photo by @athousandbyeol

But here, in the subway, we get the first instance of physical touch from an environmental navigation standpoint that reads more like a man who is developing a crush rather than Day just being guided…

…but that comes from Day, not from Mhok. Which I appreciate massively from the standpoint of ensuring that Mhok as the caretaker does not appear to be taking advantage of Day. In the subway, Day could have sat down, he didn’t need to stay standing, he didn’t need to continue holding on to Mhok. But he chooses to do that. He chooses to keep his arm linked tightly with Mhok’s, he chooses to get a little flirty with Mhok when he says as long as Mhok stays close to him, that’s all Day needs. And we get the close up of Mhok and Day’s hands when Mhok moves to tap Day’s hand gently, and the shot lingers. Because things are starting to change.

I said in a previous reblog last week when Episode 3 came out that Aof does this really interesting thing in his direction and cinematography when characters share intimate moments, in that he breaks from his standard visual format. The lighting often changes, the camera isn’t held as steady, the moments are zoomed in much closer than we are used to. We get it with Heart and Li Ming playing that spider game with their fingers the night that Li Ming sleeps over and we get it in the subway when Day stumbles slightly and swallows hard, embarrassed and avoiding eye contact while Mhok looks at Day kind of fondly.

gif by @taeminie

So we see the spark in the subway and then watch that spark begin to catch when they end up in the dressing room together. Day and Mhok both establish that they have never been in a dressing room with another person to cut the tension and nerves a bit. Afterall, this is the first time that we’ve seen where Mhok is getting up close and personal with Day’s partially nude body, when they are both calm, collected, and not amidst a panic attack about a potential medical emergency. No one is feeling violated, no one is feeling scared, no one is having their privacy forcibly removed from them. But that makes them all that more aware of how they are feeling, physically, when they are touching and being touched.

And we get a secondary Aof Camerawork Moment where the style of shot changes and we get that gorgeous zoom in on Mhok’s hands and Day’s chest when Mhok helps Day back in to his shirt. And isn’t it wonderful that the most sensual and intimate moment that we have seen from Mhok and Day so far is putting Day’s clothes back on?

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Check out @btwinlines’ post about this scene.

Day and Mhok continue their day, find the Last Twilight book, and are hanging about the market where Mhok leaves Day standing against a pole while he runs to grab a drink. As a result, we get a bombardment of physical touch, the most overwhelming to date because Day is getting just absolutely shunted around, bumping elbows and shoulders with the people at the market with no idea of where he is or where he is going. And this is where we really get an understanding of how terrible physical touch can be when you don’t have any bearing of your surroundings and can’t see where people are coming from or anticipate contact.

We got a scene in Episode 1 where we see how dangerous being blind has the potential to be, but Day isn’t being touched by anybody at that point until he is pulled off the street by Mhok. But this time while Day does have a moment where he is in more physical danger because he stumbles on to the street, he is relatively much more safe getting lost in the marketplace than when he ran out on to the street in Episode 1, cause the few cars that are present are moving slow and know to be looking out for pedestrians. Day is grabbed and directed by random strangers who are trying to help him and kind of just…drag him along until he is out of the street when he is visibly panicking and then just…left on the side of the road with an offhanded statement from strangers that he is “safe now” and they just…leave him alone and continue on their way. Even there, with a helpful touch, there is no safety or comfortability in Day’s posture, he is not calmed by hearing that he is safe. Which serves as a really great comparison point for how comfortable Day has pretty much always been with Mhok (minus the one moment of severe dysregulation after being surprised by his friends and then by Mhok when Day was buck ass naked).

Especially when compared to the relief that just rushes through Day’s body when he and Mhok are reunited and they embrace.

AND LIKE OKAY, CAN I GO ON A BRIEF TANGENT TO TALK ABOUT THE PINK SHIRT?

gif by @tomystars

You know how in a lot of romances you get that moment where you get the like, love at first sight thing? Time slows down, one half of the romantic pair picks the other half of the romantic pair out of the crowd? WE GET THAT HERE, WITH THE BLIND CHARACTER BEING THE ONE WHO PICKS THE FUTURE LOVE INTEREST OUT OF THE CROWD.

The pink shirt is brilliant, and I love how it both acts as an anchor point for Day who is able to calm down upon seeing it, and not panic or freak out when being grabbed and embraced by Mhok after having a decently traumatic experience with physical touch just minutes before while also reaffirming that Mhok is learning and internalizing the adaptations he needs to incorporate in to his own life to make Day’s daily life easier and more accessible. Mhok understands how Day’s vision functions, he remembers that Day has said he could see that shirt from Mars it’s so bright, and he provides an in for Day to maintain his autonomy by making it possible for Day to potentially see Mhok before Mhok sees Day.

ANYWAY

@athousandbyeol

The embrace they share when Day and Mhok are reunited is not charged, is not romantic, at least not to me. But what it does show is how much care Day and Mhok have for each other, how quickly their friendship is developing, and the safe spaces these two will find in the other. Day calms so quickly the second he and Mhok are touching, as soon as he has an anchor. And he won’t let go of Mhok either.

Aof and co have been playing well with dichotomies, here, a situation that pulls Day and Mhok physically apart ends up bringing them emotionally closer together. It is clear that Day does not blame Mhok for what happened, even if Mhok was gone much longer than anticipated, and that is affirmed by Day defending Mhok to his mother when she questions Mhok’s caretaking skills and holds his criminal record over his head.

And, let’s not forget, this is just writing about the physical touch, this post does not discuss whether or not the lack of touch is important. I wrote a decent chunk of this in the airport without wifi, so I could only talk about physical touch from memory, I didn't rewatch anything like I normally do, so apologies if I missed stuff.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight meta #last twilight analysis #jimmysea #mhokday #mhok x day #morkday #mork x day #physical touch in last twilight #sorry for the delay anon I know you sent this ask the other day #but fun fact it does take me an ungodly number of hours to write things so I hope you did not feel ignored #wka long post

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andillneverbethesame · 10 months

Text

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆.

❥ pairings: harry potter x gryffindor!fem!reader, harry potter x some random gryffindor girl

❥ summary: you're in love with harry even though he has a girlfriend. what you don't know is that he's in love with you too.

❥ warnings: no voldemort modern au, reader is kinda mean ngl but whateverr, harry's girlfriend cheating on him

❥ word count: 1,8k

❥ a/n: based off you belong with me by tay.

requested by @jamiebubs hope u like it, thank u for the request

"come on, you know that's not what i meant!" harry said deffensively.

you rolled your eyes at the scene. harry potter, a close friend of yours, was on the phone with his girlfriend who was upset, she kept going on about something that the boy said.

you understood it. harry was sometimes very sarcastic and, unfortunately, his lips sometimes also moved faster than his mind could think. you didn't mind it most of the time, though. you found it quite hilarious but his girlfriend didn't. she didn't get his humour like you did.

with a sigh and not in mood to listen to their argument anymore, you got more comfortable on the gryffindor common room sofa, put your earphones in and listened to that kind of music harry's girlfriend would laugh at. you could hear harry's loud voice through the music and you could only think, if we were together, he wouldn't have to shout at me.

you belong with me you belong with me you belong with

the next morning when you got into the great hall for breakfast, you almost felt like throwing up as you spotted harry with his girlfriend on his lap, eating each other's faces off. hermione and ron, who were sitting right opposite to them, didn't seem to mind. they were already used to it and just chose to ignore it.

with a fake smile on your lips, you sat down next to the ginger boy.

"good morning, ron, hermione," you greeted, ignoring the fact that your crush and his girlfriend were seconds away from ripping their clothes off. "so the lovebirds made up, huh?" you whispered to ron.

"as you can see," the boy murmured. he nor hermione liked the girl very much but they couldn't really say anything about it. if harry was happy, they didn't want to ruin it. "ready for the match?"

you nodded, glad the topic of the conversation changed. "i was born ready. what about you?"

"can't wait to wipe the smirks off slytherin's faces when harry catches the snitch."

you eyed the couple sitting opposite to you. "will he be able to focus with miss short skirt cheering for him?"

ron snorted beside you as hermione stretched her arm and slapped the back of your head.

you belong with me you belong with me you belong with

"the match starts . . . now!" madam hooch yelled out and everyone flew from the ground into the air. your task, as a chaser, was to score goals by throwing or kicking the quaffle into the hoops.

the weather was great that day so both the gryffindor and slytherin cheerleader teams could dance and cheer for their house. harry's girlfriend's voice was unmistakable as you could hearr she was cheering only for him. from the corner of your eye, you saw harry blowing her a kiss instead of focusing on doing what he was supposed to.

"potter," you yelled him, loud enough so he was able to hear you through all the cheering from the field. "focus on finding the snitch instead of flirting with your girlfriend, you twat!"

he nodded and started flying around, getting lost from your sight.

soon, the scores were 70 points for gryffindor and 40 for slytherin and you could only hope harry was going to catch the small golden ball soon. you hated to admit it but slytherin's seeker was the best the house's quidditch team had for years and there was a great chance gryffindor could lose this match.

but sooner than you expected, the roars of victory coming mostly from the gryffindors filled the air. you looked around and saw harry, a snitch in his hand with a bright smile on his lips. he looked so handsome you couldn't help but to admire him instead of thanking godric for your house's victory.

everyone flew to the ground and you immediately ran to harry as soon as you could.

"good job," you said, throwing your arms around him.

he embraced you right back. "you did a great job, too. the best chaser in the world you are."

you pulled away from him and smiled, your eyes briefly glancing down at his lips, wanting nothing more but just to kiss him.

before you could say anyting else, you were pushed out of the way by her, making you almost trip and fall on the ground.

you stepped back and watched as she got to smash her lips against his, her fingers tangled in his hair with his hands gripping her waist and ass.

with a huff, you turned around and took your things before making your way to the locker rooms.

you belong with me you belong with me you belong with

just a a day later, harry and his girlfriend were fighting again. you were just walking from your dorm to dinner when you spotted ron, hermione, ginny, dean and seamus sitting on the stairs

you chuckled. "what are you all doi-"

ginny made a "shh!" sound with her pointing finger on her mouth.

you sat down next to seamus and asked in a whisper, "what's going on?"

"it seems like miss little skirt snogged some hufflepuff guy on the party yesterday," said hermione, for the first time using the nickname you gave the girl.

your eyebrows furrowed. how could someone who got so lucky to date harry cheat on him?

"harry, darling, i'm sorry, i regret it so much. i was just so drunk and-"

"well, if you can't control yourself why you're drunk then maybe you shouldn't have drunk anything! that's how easy it is," you heard harry say. "i'm not in a mood to talk to you right now. goodbye."

"wait! we should talk this out," she almost begged.

"or we can skip that and say that we're done," harry suggested.

"thank godric," you said quietly and everyone nodded, agreeing.

"i just need one chance, harry! it was a moment of weakness."

"why should i give you a chance? so you could snog that guy again?" harry shouted. "i don't want to talk to you right now. actually, never. have a nice fucking life, (name)."

you all could hear the portrait opening and closing again.

"well," ron paused. "that was rough."

then, the silence was interrupted by loud sobbing noises, definitely coming from harry's now ex girlfriend.

you scoffed. "and why is she crying?"

you belong with me you belong with me you belong with

the next day, it was hogsmeade trip and you and harry went together as you hadn't got any date and harry, well. . . he hadn't got a girlfriend anymore.

the way to hogsmeade was uncomfortably quiet. any time you would say something, the boy would just hum, nod or shake his head in response, making you sigh as you decided it would be best not to say anything anymore.

and so, you two walked around the village in silence. harry seemed to be too lost in his thoughts to hear you talking to him.

"harry," you repeeated for what felt like a milionth time and shook his shoulder.

"oh, i'm sorry. what were you saying?"

"i asked if you want to go to honeydukes, buy as many sweets as we can and then eat until we feel like vomiting."

he shrugged. "yeah, sure. sounds great." usually, harry would be more enthusiastic at that idea as you did that every hogsmeade trip. it was your little tradition.

just a half an hour later, you two were sitting on a bench, eating the sweets.

"how are you, anyway?" you asked him and immediately cursed yourself in your head. what a stupid question. his girlfriend cheated on him you doubt anyone would be okay a day after finding out about it.

"i'm fine," he mumbled.

your shoulder collided with his. "come on, harry, i know you better than that."

he smiled. like geniunely smiled. he had that kind of smile that could light up that whole village.

"it's fine, you know? better to know what kind of person she is now than when it'd be too late."

you raised an eyebrow. did it mean that he already planned future with her?"

you belong with me you belong with me you belong with

after his break up with his girlfriend, you got to spend time with harry after months. not that you didn't when he and her were still together but his schedule was quite busy when he wasn't single as she was quite glued to his side for the entire day.

sometimes, harry would sneak into your dorm and wake you up. then, you two would sneak up in the middle of the night to the astronomy tower with snacks you stole from the kitchens and talk about everything. about your favourite songs, dreams. you would make each other laugh so much your bellies would hurt.

as the school year was slowly coming to its end, the prom was just around the corner and you hadn't had a day yet, part of you hoped harry would ask you but as the time passed, you were slowly losing hope. you two spend together so much time you didn't understand how come he hadn't asked you yet.

maybe is should ask him myself, you wondered in transfiguration class, not really listening to whatever professor mcgonagall was saying as hermione beside you was taking notes.

you looked to your right where harry was sitting with ron. you focused on the dark-haired boy and noticed he was moving his leg up and down as if he was nervous about something. he, just like you, probably didn't focus on the lesson nor taking notes.

you tore a piece of parchment and wrote are you okay? before passing it to harry.

not even fifteen seconds later, you had an answer.

yeah, just nervous.

you furrowed your eyebrows and scribbled, about what?

want to ask you something.

go ahead.

harry took his time passing the piece of parchement to you. he took a deep breath and about thousand times almost passed you the note before bringing it to himself again.

but then, the question was finally at your table.

want to go to the prom with me?

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter fluff #harry potter angst

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heyidkyay · 2 months

Text

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors Note: TWENTY. I actually can't believe it. And back with another longer update! Lotssss going on here ngl, but hoping you enjoy it xx

Warnings: Talks of a withdrawal experience and a very very brief mention of suicidal thoughts (past tense)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Matty waited and waited for it to come out.

For someone to mention it. For the media to catch wind or for the story to blow. He waited and waited, but nothing.

Liar. Liar. Liar.

It was driving him mad.

The reminder echoed in the farthest parts of his mind almost constantly and clouded his every thought.

And to only make matters worse, Teddy had lied too.

And what the fuck kind of man did that make him, hey? What sort of deranged idiot made such promises to a kid? I won’t tell, he’d said. He’d sworn it.

He’d go back and scream at himself now, if he only could. But life didn’t fucking work that way, did it? And he had never been any good at the whole not fucking up part. He was selfish in that regard.

He could go ahead and blame this whole mess all on just wanting to soothe Teddy, to stop him from crying. Or the hope to simply leave what had happened behind them in a desperate attempt not to hurt her anymore than he already had.

But in the end, it all came down to his own narcissistic needs. It was what made the circle, wasn’t it?

“Matty?”

Matty’s head whipped so hard left that he winced at the slight pull he felt in his neck, turning away from where he’d been staring aimlessly into the mirror. Mouse was stood there, only an arms length away, wearing an apologetic smile on her face.

Matty wanted to reach out, to touch. To say that he was sorry. But he knew that she’d only chuckle at him in return, all fond and sweet, and then ask him why.

What have you got to be sorry for, Matty?

God, his heart hurt with it all. It hurt. It hurt.

Fuck did it hurt.

“Babe, you alright?”

He blinked, hard, and then, “Yeah, just, nervous you know?”

She chuckled at him. Exactly like he said she would. All fond and sweet. Lovely, like her.

“Nervous?” Squeaks repeated with one of those infamous smiles of hers, the kind that further stretched the scar going across the bridge of her nose and lit up her entire face.

Matty swallowed thickly at the sight but returned the smile all the same. It killed him, it really did, but he couldn’t say anything about it now. It had been days since it all happened and telling her of it would only hurt her more, he knew that. He knew it. And besides, no one had said a word. No one had mentioned it. So this was his secret to keep, and every relationship had those, didn’t they? His secret-

And Teddy’s.

At the thought, Matty had to struggle not to throw up what little lined his stomach.

Mouse stepped forward then, closing that distance between them to finger the collar of the polo he’d chosen only twenty minutes earlier, sorting out the kink he’d made in it when he’d tugged the thing on.

“Can you blame me?” He finally spoke, gazing down at her now, at the curve of her mouth and the freckles that dotted her right cheek. Can you blame me? He wanted to ask her again, only for an entirely different reason.

She just chuckled once more, the soft sound of it danced in the little space shared between them. “You’ve already met.”

He widened his eyes in very real alarm. “You bein’ serious?”

That laugh again.

“Honestly, Matty. I get why you’re nervous, but it's just Adi.” She patted the collar down flat, hand slipping away to rest on his chest so that she could peer up at him. His own hands went to her hips almost unconsciously and he took a deep breath.

“It’s Finn, too.”

Finn. That had been eating away at him as well, the whole fact that Squeaks had gone out of her way to set up this little meeting for them. So that he could finally meet the man who’d been her best mate since uni and who had basically helped her raise Teddy.

Typically- i.e. before rehab- he’d deal with a situation like this with a quick hit, a rub of the gums or just a line in the loo to get his head to work the way he wanted it to. So that he wouldn't have to deal with all the emotions that always seemed to want to fuck him over. But he couldn’t do that. Knew he wouldn’t. Didn’t stop the fucking itch though, did it.

“Yes, it’s Finn too.” Matty tuned back in at the sound of her somewhat amused voice, he found that she was pursuing her mouth at him to hide her growing grin. “But it’s just that, just Finn. You don’t have to stress. Honestly, the most you’ll get is a hard glare or a few pushy questions, but then he’ll be sound. Love you even.”

Love.

Matty’s mind lingered on the word for a moment, but she was smiling now, looking up at him with those eyes of hers. He lifted a hand to stroke along the edge of her cheek, trailing a thumb over a faint pink line that was covered up slightly by makeup, and wondered what she would say if he just told her now.

“I find that hard to believe,” He answered instead, watching the movement his hand made before his eyes flickered back to meet hers, “People either love me or hate me, you see.”

“Oh, is that so?” Squeaks laughed, the hand not resting on his chest moving to circle his wrist. “Bit egotistical of you to assume you mean that much to everyone you meet. I mean, I doubt the postman gives you a second thought, lovely.”

Matty reeled his head back a tad with that, pursing his lips at her words even though he loved it when she teased him like this. “You not heard any of my songs?”

He was gifted an airy snort in return and she then patted his chest before stepping away. Matty watched on as his hand slipped from her cheek.

“I have, which is why I’m not too surprised that you’ve worked yourself up about this so much.” He saw her smirk and then she tutted at him, “Always one for theatrics, Matthew.”

He lunged then in a playful attempt to grab at her, but she jumped away with a gleeful laugh and a second to spare, scurrying back into the living room before his fingers could capture the t-shirt she’d chosen to wear- a vintage band tee, one of his he reminded himself.

“We’re off soon,” She called out not a second later, leaving him standing there alone in the hallway once more, “So make sure you’re ready to leave, your highness!”

Matty huffed a small laugh and then took a deep breath. He could do this, if not for himself then for her.

–

As expected, Finn did give him a hard time.

The pair of them had wandered into the studio not long after Squeaks had dropped Teddy off at nursery, Matty waiting in the car this time around so as to not be seen, and found Adi already there with the mysterious Finn lounging on the settee, looking so at home.

He was a good looking guy, Matty had noticed that first. Rugged and built a bit like that of a rugby player. He had a beard as full as the hair on his head, a rival to Ross’s own, and was far from what Matty had been first expecting in truth.

When Squeaks had said that the guy was an artist, he’d automatically pictured some lanky fella, maybe with wired frames or a ponytail. But Finn was nothing of the sort, in fact he might’ve been the total opposite, and that made meeting him all the more unnerving. Because Matty hadn’t quite prepared for this.

Finn had a good few inches on him too, which was hard to miss and made it that much harder for Matty to not be as intimated as he wanted to be. A kick to that old ego of his Squeaks had mentioned earlier, but Matty could admit to feeling a bit out of his league amongst the guy, if only to himself.

The meeting had started off with the usual ‘you hurt her, I’ll hurt you’ warning, then trailed onto simple introduction and conversation starters. But Matty was well aware of these carefully arranged stares that never seemed to stray as time ticked on, which put him on edge and had him clenching down on his jaw hard enough to keep from biting at the bloke.

But the looks had ebbed slowly. Finn relaxed, bit by bit. And Matty? Matty tried his fucking hardest to make himself more than likeable. He attempted to mention Finn’s work and his own interest in art, which hadn’t gone down as well as he’d liked, he’d admit. So he’d quickly made do and switched tactics, asking him if he was interested in football at all, but of course the guy just had to be a sodding Sunderland supporter. As if Matty hadn’t already been pulling at teeth.

It was just after that though, that Finn took the opportunity to finally seek a change in pace, and Matty had honest to God been thankful for the sudden interest Finn took in him, the man leaning forward in his seat ever so slightly and looking as though he wanted to ask him a question.

And he did, only, it was one Matty hadn’t exactly been expecting so soon.

“So, you really clean then?”

Matty didn’t think he’d ever forget the way the entire room fell silent at that.

Finn’s voice was gruff, northern much like his own but more so. His words pooled out of his mouth so clumped together but low enough that his tone could be mistaken for soft, though only if you were stupid enough not to notice the harsh grunt behind them.

Matty blinked back at him, honestly not at all ashamed to admit that the question had caught him off guard. Though, maybe he should’ve been expecting it. It was a question he’d come to hear as often as ‘How’re you?’ since he’d gotten out of his first stint in rehab.

But still, now? In a space he’d come to feel a comfort in, around people he’d grown so close to? It made him feel like an imposter. Like he was just playing pretend here until everything in his life went tits up again.

“Finn, what the fuck?”

Pulling his gaze away, Matty turned to find Squeaks glaring at her mate, who was still sat on the settee, looking perfectly content with it all.

“You being serious?” She continued on, having paused her conversation with Adi entirely to level Finn with a stare that made even Matty nervous, “Where’d you get off on asking him that? Quite rightly, I don't think it’s any of your business.”

“Like fuck, it isn’t. He’s dating you, in’t he?” Finn immediately shot back at her and Matty watched on as Adi mirrored his exact movements, head rolling back over to where Finn met Mouse’s glare head on with one of his own. Only, his wasn’t fueled by anger, instead a stern sort of seriousness Matty had only ever really witnessed as a kid on his Grandad, who’d been a proud and stubborn man.

Mouse scoffed and shook her head at him, “Exactly, he’s dating me. Last time I checked, you weren’t included in that description.”

“I’m your mate, Mouse.” The man was quick to defend, looking hurt now. “It’s my job to look out for you, and I don’t care if that pisses you off. The shit I’ve heard about him ain't at all good and, in truth, I entertained all of it in the beginning, but I never actually once thought you’d end up fucking him.”

Another eerie silence wreaked havoc on the unsteady atmosphere.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

She was calm now, none of that revving rage spurring her voice on like it had done just moments earlier. Matty didn’t know how this would end, only that he’d never heard her speak like that in all the time she’d known him.

“What’s it meant to- what do you think it means! Exactly that.” Finn fired back at her, steeling his already hardened eyes, “You were getting back out there, flirting and texting. Just having a fuckin’ good time for once! And that was all nice and well, but now you tell me you’re actually with him? That you're making a go of it?” He barked out a sharp laugh, “What happens when he fucks everything up and uses again? You planning to be there for him when it all falls down around you? ‘Cause it’s only a matter of time, Mouse. Let me tell you.”

That hit. Hard.

Enough so that Matty surprised even himself at the suddenness of his voice, harsh but steady in the cautious quiet that had engulfed them all and splintering the growing rift between the two friends. “Where do you get off on saying that then?”

He met the other man’s eyes and noted the displeasure which swam in them.

“Nah, honestly ‘cause I’d really like to know. You have no idea what the fuck I’ve done, what I’ve been through, only what you’ve seen in the media. Yeah?” Matty barrelled on, pushing forward in his seat so that he could rest his forearms on the tops of his knees, actively trying not to show just how much the bloke’s assumptions had hindered him. “So go on then, tell me. Tell me what you’ve worked out about me in the past half hour that you’ve had to actually get to know me.”

Matty received a mirthless snuff in return, along with a slight shake of head, “Not much to add that I haven’t already said.”

Matty licked at his lower lip then because he knew if he didn’t take a second to think he’d lash out, fuck things up more than they already had been. After, he lifted his chin up at the other man in a slow nod.

“Right, yeah, because I haven’t just sat here making an arse out of myself, trying to find some common ground with you.” He gave a short humourless laugh that seemed to flood the studio, “But I'm gonna remind you of something, I’m only here for her, and her alone. So you can save all your jokes and your tragic fucking questions, alright? Because it’s one thing to actually want to know for her wellbeing, and even Teddy’s fucking safety. But to throw it in my face is another fucking thing, mate.”

Matty stood up at that, on shaky legs yes, but who did he have to fucking admit that to? Then patted down his pockets in search of a fucking smoke, shifting past the too large coffee table in the suddenly too small room to make his exit.

He took another small breath though, a much needed one in fact, when he passed by Squeaks, who was sat there looking so angry and lost and humiliated, and didn’t even have to force himself to give her a pained sort of smile as he did. He didn’t dare touch her though, not sure if she’d want it, but did say, “I’ll be outside.”

She swallowed thickly in turn, Matty saw the motion of it as her throat bobbed and she turned to look up into his eyes. He was quick to look away, hands itching for something to hit, to cling to.

The steel staircase was a welcome sight, even with their too many flights, but the kerbed sidestreet sat beyond it was one better. Matty all but gasped for breath the second he pushed through the heavy door, eager to relieve the ache crushing his lungs and burning a hole in his chest.

Childishly he kicked out some of that restrained aggression on the brick wall of the building a second later, revelling in the ringing pain which radiated up through his foot and to his leg, then did so again until he calmed enough to yank his pack from his jacket pocket and fall against it.

The fuck did the twat get off on saying shit like that to him? A stranger to boot. Fair enough, think it all you like, wouldn’t affect him then, he could honestly give less of a shit, but to his face? That was fucking brave. Tactless.

Matty scoffed at the whirlwind of thoughts his mind was made up of, teeth cutting into the tip of his tongue as he scraped the muscle along their ridged edge.

He couldn’t help but linger on Finn’s words though, wondering if that really was all that he was good for. A fun time, or a quick line. Some faceless person on a drunken one night stand, or the famous singer some fan was hoping to bag.

Matty had his phone in hand and his contact list pulled up before he could even realise it, the gesture second nature to him now. Something goes wrong? Call the closest dealer. That was the way it went, the way it had always gone.

But he couldn’t, not this time. He’d said he’d stick with it, he said he would. And there was still a chance. There was still a shitty piece of hope that had managed to lodge its way inside his chest telling him that Squeaks could still stick around, wasn’t there?

He laughed to himself at the mere idea of it. At how stupid he must’ve seemed, back there. To a man who’d probably never had to feel the mind numbing shakes of withdrawal or a paranoia that stretched a mile long. Who’d never been forced to deal with hallucinations that made you borderline suicidal, or an imminent need to peel the skin from off your bones.

Matty felt sick with it all. Hands trembling with the anger and anxiety he felt as he raised them up towards his face to light his fag.

He was fucking trying.

God, was he trying. And yet, people still asked for more than that.

Where the fuck did Finn get off on cornering him like some little kid anyway? On looking down on him like some junkie sprawled out on a slab step up on the high street?

It fucking angered him, filled him with this senseless rage and evident misery that everything would soon come crushing down around him.

Things were too good to be true.

He knew that fact like he knew his own face.

It was only after he’d managed to dwindle his fag right down to the very nub that Matty realised he’d been sat on the kerb, head hanging between his knees, whilst the rest of the world had seemingly carried on around him, none the wiser to him and his many issues. He only seemed to register it though when the familiar sound of the studio’s heavy door squeaked open, hinges piercing down the hushed sidestreet.

She joined him there on the pavement after a moment's hesitation, a moment he wouldn’t dare admit gnawed at his heart.

“I want to say sorry for Finn, but I know you wouldn’t care much for that.”

Matty wanted to laugh at her opening, at least he could say that she knew him that much.

She merely sighed though when he kept quiet and revelled in the way her elbow brushed against the side of his arm, lighting up each nerve that laid there. “He claims he’s being protective, but even I knew he was acting like a prick.”

Matty just hummed, already drawing another cigarette from his battered box. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth though when she thieved one for herself.

“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to say.” She admitted after allowing him to light its end, which was something he appreciated, seeing as how he was in the same fucking boat with that. “I just, I don’t know. I wish he’d have voiced his concerns a bit better, or at least to me before I went and arranged this whole shit show.”

Matty chewed on the inside of his cheek, weighing her words as he took another drag. He let the smoke fester and fill his mouth, coating his tongue before he finally hummed once more.

Though it seemed like she’d already gotten sick of that. “That all I’m gonna get then, just a hm?”

It was his turn to sigh then and a swirl of grey escaped with it.

“What do you want me to say, Mouse?”

She frowned, although he didn’t know exactly why, before pulling her attention down towards the gravel road. She shrugged the shoulder nearest to him and said, “That it didn’t bother you. That you know he’s just a prat who’s acting the big brother. That you don’t really believe a word he says is true.”

Matty turned to peer over at her then, cigarette hand resting on the knob of his knee, smouldering in the light breeze. “Then I’d be lying.”

But you’re already a liar, his head screamed.

What’s one, or two more?

He looked away from her at that, nose suddenly stinging as his eyes began to itch. Then quickly took another drag.

She shuffled closer, jeans scratching at the grit of the kerb beneath them, and he was only slightly surprised when she laid her head to rest on the curve of his arm. “Does it matter? What Finn thinks, or what anyone thinks?”

How could it not? He wanted to ask her.

“I don’t know, Squeaks.” He replied instead, noting how she smiled sadly before she raised her fag up to her mouth.

“I’m happy, Matty. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.” She revealed to him, a quiet whisper catching on the wind. Matty could hear the honesty in her words, the kind that thawed at the emotional wall he’d been building between himself and the rest of the world since he were a kid. “Are you?”

And that was the punch that sent it all falling.

Was he happy?

He thought so, maybe more than he’d ever truly been.

So he told her that, voice thick as a wall of broken bricks settled around him. And although he kept on looking straight, he took her hand in his, “Yeah. I am.”

—

The days that followed ‘Finn’s Fucked Up Fuck-Up’- as I’d come to dub it as- were rocky, to say the very least.

Matty had pulled away from me slightly, claiming that he had studio time and album stuff to work on, whilst I was busy ignoring my best friend. Which was a rather hard task to do when you were so used to having a constant rapport with someone.

In truth, the whole thing was eating me up inside, but I knew it would turn around sooner or later. Things couldn’t get worse than they already had.

And I had to believe that.

“You seem down, ma chérie.”

I picked at the corner edge of the settee. It was one of those odd days, where everything appeared so quiet and you were left with nothing much that was worth doing.

Teddy was already at nursery, Matty had texted to say that he was with Jamie, and Adi had gone to see her Grandmother.

It had been a long while since I’d not had a day packed full of work, even my email box sat strangely empty. Which had left me on the sofa with fuck all to do until I had to go a pick up Teds again. But then I’d received a call from my mum.

“Non, not down. Just, things are a bit hectic at the moment.” I replied to her, smiling in the hopes that it would somehow ease all her worries, but that frown she wore held fast.

“Parle-moi, je t'en prie.” She sighed, shaking her head at me, or rather the situation, “How can I help when you won’t talk to me?”

My mouth wrinkled as I cast my eyes about the rest of the room. I didn’t want to talk about it with her, or at all in truth. But she had a way of forcing things out of me and I knew that she’d see the situation for what it was, so I ended up relaying the last few weeks of my life to her and waited impatiently to see how she’d react.

I received only a soft hum from her at first, her attention focused on something above the camera for a long moment before it trailed back on over to me. “I don’t know much of him, this Matty of yours, ma Souris. You know I only read my newspaper each morning and steer clear of the web.”

I smiled at that, the web, it reminded me of days back home and the route I’d had to walk to get a decent signal before she had finally agreed to fitting the wifi. She continued on though, none the wiser to the train my thoughts had wandered onto.

“He seemed to make you happy when I came to visit, and I witnessed how he was with Teddy. I knew then that he felt something for you, but you, you have always been so hard to read.” She tittered softly at that, smiling at me through a screen, and not for the first time did I wish that she wasn’t so far away. “It was in the kitchen though, that I realised you felt the same. Although, I don’t think you knew it.”

I rolled my eyes, the tiny beginnings of a smile playing on my lips. “We were friends.”

“Ah les amis!” She tutted, not daring to speak the English word as she waved my sorry attempt at a defence away, “You two were never just that, not really. I told you from the start, non? You were glowing, chérie. I knew it like the sun knows the sky, that he would be it for you.”

I swallowed heavily at the surety in her tone and then glanced away, fingers tightening around my phone.

“Souris, I adore Finn, you know that. But do not allow his words to mar what you feel. If this Matty feels the same way then he won’t let it either. Things will work out, one way or another. Tu verras.”

–

He looked good. That was the first thought that hit me when I rounded the corner only to instantly spot him.

He was stood, grinning softly over at George, who appeared to be spinning some kind of tale or other whilst the pair of them smoked outside of the studio they’d been hiding away in. It was an obsolete building, dull and grey, and had a low metal fencing just beyond the main entrance.

Matty wore his usual wash of denim, along with a shirt just a darker shade of blue beneath an old leather bomber. I smiled at the sight of him, and took a second to steel myself.

Even though it had only been a couple of days since I’d seen Matty last, I really had missed the insolent idiot.

“Oi aren’t you from that one band?”

Both Matty and George seemed to jump at the sound of my teasing lilt, heads shooting up over to find that it was just me standing there with a grin. I snorted at the looks on the pair of their faces, eyes as wide as dinner plates and jaws ajar.

“Christ, you scared the shit outta me.” Matty breathed, shaking his head at me even though he was now sporting the beginnings of a grin, I felt a weight slip off my shoulders at the sight of it. “What are you even doing here?”

Wanting to dampen my pleased little smile, I pulled my mouth up to one side as Matty roped me into a hug, glad that he actually seemed happy to see me.

I buried my face into his shoulder and felt him relax a fraction in my hold, it made me wonder if he’d been feeling a similar way.

It had been hard, not knowing what would come next for us after the whole Finn fiasco, but seeing Matty now only further proved to me that I really wanted things to work out between us. He made things brighter, made me want for myself for the first time in a long time.

“Jamie mentioned you were recording, so I asked what time you might be wrapping up.” I answered him with a small shrug, pulling away to smile over at George in hello but more than grateful for the arm that Matty kept wrapped around me. “That alright?”

I was ashamed to admit that it had been a very real fear, one which had almost made me turn around a couple of times on my over, but I was glad now that I hadn’t.

“‘Course it’s alright, you pillock. You’re always welcome here.”

I blinked in slight surprise, because it hadn’t been Matty that had chosen to reply to me, but George. “Oh.”

The drummer snorted, thoroughly amused, it seemed, by my monosyllabic response. Matty chuckled too, dipping his head down to brush his nose against my temple and press a slow kiss to my cheek. I almost held my breath, having missed having him so close.

“Missed you.” He murmured to me quietly, almost as though he’d just gone and read my mind, but then he was drawing away again. Not too far though, instead he moved to stand behind me and allowed his arms to hang over both my shoulders.

I smiled, contented, and he raised his lit cigarette to my lips in a silent offer. I took a small drag, feeling a flush rush to my face when I caught the way George stood smirking at the pair of us.

I lifted a hand up to encase one of Matty’s forearms, enjoying the way he pulled me in even closer so that I could lean against him, his chin coming to rest on the top of my head.

“How’s it been going then?” I asked and the two of them were quick to delve into an explanation on their newest song, jumping over one another’s sentences in their giddiness to finally tell someone else about what they’d been working on.

And just like that things seemed to slot back into place.

It wasn’t too long later that George said to Matty that he could go ahead and leave, letting us know that he’d be heading back inside to clean up the track they’d been playing with, and Matty hadn’t argued. Instead, he’d grinned down at me as he took hold of my hand, cheersing George before we said our goodbyes.

Together, we ended up in a little coffee shop a street or two away. Matty had wanted to surprise me with the order, so I had stood by the window and waited whilst he’d gone to pay. He handed me a cup full of something sweet once he’d returned, more sugar than anything else in truth, but I liked it all the same and sipped on it slowly whilst he’d led us back through the bustling streets towards a neighbouring park.

It was almost freeing to be out like this with him, seeing him smile and laugh whilst we simply walked with no real destination in mind. It was not an image most typically saw of Matty, that I knew. On stage he wore his front like armour, when there were cameras he was cocksure and arrogant, but then, in small moments with me, he appeared only settled.

“How’s Teddy?” Matty asked me soon enough. He looked over at me with this odd sort of expression, genuinely curious as well as concerned, and my heart melted a tad.

I returned the soft smile he gave, “Good. Missing this weirdo we’ve gotten used to hanging about, but he’s been happy.”

Matty rolled his eyes and nudged my shoulder with his own, swaying alongside me. He peered down at his almost empty coffee cup, tapping at its cardboard edge. “Has he said anything?”

I frowned over at him, “What, about you being gone?”

He peered back, eyes flickering left and right between my own before he ultimately nodded his head just the once.

Pursing my lips, I thought his question over. “He asked if we could call you a couple times, and if you were popping round. But other than that, he’s been fine with us just texting. Laughed himself blue in the face when he saw that picture you sent him yesterday.”

Matty snorted. “What, ‘cause I trod in dog shit?”

I hummed, then peered down at his feet, glad to see that he wasn't still wearing the boots he’d shown us the day previous. Matty rolled his eyes, catching on to what I’d been doing.

“And you?” He then asked, as the two of us strolled around a slow bend.

I glanced over at him, glad to see him already looking back, “I missed you.”

It was brave of me to say. I didn’t much like being vulnerable, but with him, he almost made it easy.

Matty smiled. This soft, sure thing. Then looped an arm around my shoulders to tug me in, I let myself hug his waist as I leant further into his side, grinning stupidly when he said, “Missed you too, Squeaks.”

…

Matty followed me home after our impromptu coffee date and we talked some more all the walk there, mostly just content to be in one another's company again. And when it was time to pick Teddy from nursery, he waited at the flat for us both. He had been on the sofa when I’d left, but I noticed that there was a savoury smell filling the air the minute I returned.

I glanced down at my son, who seemed to be none the wiser to it, still chattering on about the new toy his class had been given whilst he tugged off his coat.

“Shoes too, please.”

Teddy hummed at me, smiling away as he hurriedly kicked them off. “We watch tele ‘night?” He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for me to pull off my own boots and follow.

I chuckled and ran a hand through his windswept hair, remembering the conversation we’d had that same morning, “Promised, didn’t I?”

Teddy uhuhed and nodded up at me, before spinning around to probably make a beeline for the living room, as he tended to often do. Though he stopped short when he caught a glimpse of a certain curly headed someone who had taken up perch against the door frame there.

“Matty!” Teddy practically shouted before he ran full pelt towards the man who was swift enough to grab him by the arms and hoist him up.

Matty made a wounded sound when Teddy squeezed him into a tight hug, then chuckled to himself as he rubbed a hand down Teddy’s back, “Alright, monster?”

And with that a dam of questions flooded the flat as Teddy wanted to know about everything and anything he had missed in the short time they had spent apart.

I knew that alone should’ve worried me. As well as how clingy Teddy suddenly became as the night continued on, but when I saw the way the two of them interacted with one another, Teds always eager to have Matty in his presence and Matty forever looking fond, I couldn’t help but brush the thoughts away.

We spent the rest of our evening together, Matty had somehow managed to wrangle up a couple servings of a creamy pasta bake- one he appeared to have made, going off of the mountain of plates in my sink. Which had been as endearing as it was startling, leading me to question how he’d done it… His mum, apparently. Who had been surprised by his sudden call and the need to cook, as well as the reasoning behind it.

“She knows about me then?” I wondered, twirling with my fork whilst the three of us ate, the radio playing low.

Matty looked over at me, almost bashfully, and shrugged, “Sort of.”

I couldn’t help my laughter, “Sort of? What’s that meant to mean?”

“She knows I’m seeing someone,” He answered with a gentle smile and a roll of his eyes, “And that, I’m serious about it.” He spoke that next bit slowly, almost a little apprehensive, which only widened my growing grin.

I wiggled my brows teasingly, but stayed quiet as I wanted him to go on.

Matty merely chuckled as he shrugged again, “Yeah. She’s just excited for us, for me- which feels weird. Wants to meet you, too.”

I tried to hide my sudden nervousness, I’d never done the whole meet your boyfriend’s parents thing. “Why’s it feel weird?” I asked instead of lingering on it, ‘cross that bridge when you get to it’ and all that shit.

Matty glanced over to Teddy who appeared to be trying his best to see around the kitchen doorway and into the living room where the tele was still on. He gave a warm smile at the sight.

“Just not something I’ve experienced in a long time, I guess. I love her, I do, but she knows firsthand how deep I was in with everything. Felt like she’d given up on me at one point, to be honest. So, having her, I don’t know, say that she’s excited for me, makes it seem like she’s proud almost.”

I reached over the table to take his hand and squeezed, “She is.”

Matty let the topic go after that, tickling Teddy’s side to get his attention and remind him of his dinner, telling him we’d watch tele in a bit. Which was exactly what we did once we’d washed up and dried off, the three of us bundled up on the settee together whilst Hook played.

Matty talked my ear off about Spielberg as the opening titles ran, and then about how if he could have ever been in a film as a kid he’d have wanted to act alongside Robin Williams. Teddy listened, enraptured by his every word, and all the more excited to watch what Matty had deemed a classic.

I made popcorn halfway through when Teddy had needed the loo, Matty running in just after him and shouting out not to press play again until he was there.

By the end of it, Teddy was falling asleep on Matty’s shoulder whilst the man stared at the tv screen, watching quietly as Peter called out for Tink under the statue.

I was happy enough to just watch them though, smiling softly at the picture they painted, Teddy’s little hand holding onto Matty’s and Matty’s arm wrapped around Teds.

When the final credits rolled, Matty sniffed and peered down to find a dozing Teddy, the boy’s mouth open as he breathed out soft puffs of air.

“Here,” I went to say, sitting up to take him, but Matty was already moving, albeit carefully so as to not wake him, shaking his head at me.

“I’ve got him.”

My breath hitched at those three words, insignificant to anyone else, but everything to me.

Matty gave a soundless chuckle once he’d positioned Teddy in his arms, pressing a kiss to his curls before putting him to bed. I followed after them once I’d turned off the tele, shuffling quietly over the wooden floors, I paused though just before I got to Teddy’s door, surprised to hear voices coming from inside.

“You liked it then?”

I heard Teddy give a quiet hum in return, as well as the slight ruffle of bedsheets. “Was nice.”

“Just nice?” Matty chuckled lowly and I could picture him tucking Teddy in before taking a seat on the mattress beside him.

“I liked that he came home.” Teddy murmured and then it was Matty’s turn to hum.

“Me too, he got to see all of his family again.”

There was a quiet lull, before, “‘Cause they love him?”

I could hear the smile in Matty’s next words, “They do. Very much, I reckon. As much as your mum loves you.”

“I love her.”

A teary smile broke out on my face at that and my eyes stung with it, forever warmed by how sweet Teddy could be.

Then, “You love me, Matty?”

My next breath lodged itself in the back of my throat at Teddy’s simple question whilst Matty fell utterly silent.

It felt as though all the air had not just been sucked out the room, but the entire flat as I stood there by the door just listening.

But then there was the faintest sound and I knew that Matty had pressed a kiss to Teddy’s head, “‘Course I do. I love you a whole lot, monster.”

Teddy must have been fighting to stay awake then but eventually I heard him speak again, his voice muffled with sleep, “Love you too, Matty.”

I don’t know how long until I heard movement again, only that my heart pounded hard in my chest whilst the blood in my ears roared. I had known for a long time now how fond Matty was of Teddy, it was all too easy to recognise, but to hear him say that he loved him. That he loved my little boy. Was something I hadn’t really ever expected.

But that was just who Matty was, I thought, he loved. Wholeheartedly. And I supposed it had only been a matter of time before he let Teddy know.

I visibly startled when Matty appeared in the doorway, pulling the door quietly shut behind him. He blinked when he caught me there too, but I didn’t give him much time to question me, only sprang forward when the latch clicked to kiss him.

Matty returned it easily enough, fingers moving to thread through my hair, keeping up with my hasty pace before he managed to slow us down, kissing me deeper and deeper before pulling away with a soft and deliberate peck.

His breath came out in pants, fanning over my lips as he kept us close, pressing his forehead to mine. “What was that for?”

“Because I love you.”

I couldn’t believe I’d been the one to say it first, but how could I not? After all that I’d heard. And in truth, it had just come out.

“What?” He whispered, eyes unblinking as he waited for me to take the words back. I half expected him to pull away, to laugh it off, or just kiss me once more, but that was his only question.

I took his chin between my fingertips, gaze flickering down to his lips then back up into the heady brown that was so focused on me. “I love you.” I murmured again, heart beating loud enough that I feared he could hear it.

But Matty only pushed forward, nose catching on my own as he shook his head ever so softly. “You mean it.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I mean it.”

Then Matty was grinning, bright and unashamed, catching my breath all over again before he pushed forward to press his mouth against mine.

“I fucking love you.” He said, giddy as his hands cradled my face, chuckling away in disbelief. “God, do I.”

Then I was chuckling too, thumb brushing over his bottom lip as I stared up into his squinted eyes. “Stay?”

And Matty nodded, as though it was that easy, hands falling to my thighs. “Jump.” He told me, and so I did, letting him kiss me again in the dimly lit hallway that he’d just told me he loved me in.

He loved me.

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littlefangbanger · 1 year

Text

True Blood Vampires w/ a Human Mate

Pairing(s): Eric; Pam; Godric; x GN!Reader

CW: Vague mentions of sex, violence, etc... Come on, it's True Blood. Mentions of Luke (suicide bomber). Some fluff. Lots of rambling.

Notes: Only on season 4 right now, so I'm sure I'm missing some good characters. Didn't do Bill but if anybody wants a second version of this just ask. I'm open to requests so feel free to send me asks!

Eric Northman

This man only uses humans for three things: feeding, fucking and as a means to an end. If they didn't offer anything useful, they didn't interest him. That was, until you.

Ngl it took this man a long time to recognize his own feelings. It took Pam calling him out to realize he was starting to feel something almost human. Love?

You heard him say it, don't use words he doesn't understand.

Anyways, at first he thought he was just attracted to you due to your blood. He hadn't actually tasted it yet but it was tempting nonetheless.

You were with them at Godric's nest when the suicide bomber attacked. You were further away from Luke than Sookie and Eric, but you were still human.

Eric was the one who pulled the debris out of you and fed you his blood. That was the moment he started to come to terms with his own feelings. He wasn't going to lose you.

This man will protect you from EVERYTHING, vampire or not. If it's a vampire of all things threatening your safety, in his area, well... bless their cold non-beating hearts.

Remember that episode where Lafayette is in the basement, and Eric lets out that inhuman growl while tearing that other man apart? Yeah, he does that.

He's not affectionate at first, especially not in public. If he does hold you it is because you managed to piss him off by talking to other vampires at Fangtasia. So he keeps you where he knows nobody will come after you: in his lap.

Man is probably touch starved. Please offer him a hug when you're alone. It'll be strange for him at first but he secretly loves it.

I think his primary love languages are mostly acts of service and quality time. He wants you to worship the ground he walks on, much like he does you.

Passionate kisses. Rough sex. It's rare for anything to be slow or gentle with him.

He is down for anything really. Just say the word.

Listen, he's not a gentleman. Not unless you explicitly ask for it. He's gonna be rough with almost everything. But he tries for you.

You can try to take control if you want... but just know you're not actually in control. He's just offering you an opportunity to feel like you are.

The moment you get a little too cocky, he'll remind you that he is the thousand year old vampire. He overpowers you easily.

He wants you to become a vampire, but doesn't say anything at first. He actually starts to value your humanity. It keeps him grounded.

That doesn't change the fact that you can't stay human forever. In your current state you are simply too fragile. It was too easy for you to be ripped away from him.

He won't turn you yet, though. He'll wait until you're ready, or until he has no choice.

Pamela Swynford de Beaufort

Eric is the only being that has managed to capture and keep Pam's attention. So your relationship was a slow burn made in hell.

At first she only saw you as another pathetic human that stuck their nose in vampire business too much. You were one of Sookie's dearest friends, and one that seemed to always be involved in her foolish antics.

Much like Sookie, you sympathize with vampires. You actually started to visit Fangtasia as a casual guest.

That's how you managed to capture Pam's attention. Your regular visits always seemed to spark something that resembled joy in her.

Your personality meshed well with hers. Pam is a smart-ass and even more cunning. Your dark humor and equally witty personality amused her.

Eventually you two developed a sort of... arrangement. You offered her your blood, and sex of course, and she offered you protection from the degenerates at Fangtasia.

She did find your blood quite tasty, so she agreed to this.

She claimed you. So nobody else could touch you. Eric didn't care as long as you didn't distract her from her duties.

After some months of seeing each other, Pam started to realize that she was becoming way too attached to you.

It was almost as if she was... in love? No, absolutely not.

She was harsh with you for some time, but eventually started to warm up.

Her primary love languages are acts of service and gift giving. Shower her with quality makeup, jewelry and other gifts. She loves being spoiled.

She'll do the same for you, so expect some rather pricey gifts.

When it comes to sex she prefers being dominant, but if you ask nicely she may let you take that role instead.

Will praise and degrade you at the same time. Just be a good pet for her, yeah?

I feel like she would want to turn you into a vampire asap. She doesn't like knowing that you could die from almost anything.

You don't mind, though. You quite like the idea of being a vampire.

Godric

Godric is one of the few vampires who holds some level of compassion towards humans. So, I feel like it wouldn't take as much for him to fall in love with one.

This compassion is, however, a result of being two thousand years old. He's had a lot of time to get around, but somehow I'm convinced he's never been in love like that.

Sure, he knows something like love for his progenies. But romantic? I just don't think that's something he thought about until recently. It would probably take him some time to recognize what he's feeling.

You met the night Sookie was held hostage by the Fellowship of the Sun. You had arrived with Eric to save him and Sookie.

Godric was intrigued by your compassion for vampires. You? A human, there to help save him? It was almost too good to be true, but then again some could say the same about his compassion towards humans.

You were with them at his house that night, celebrating his return. He had been watching you; how you mingled with the vampires as if they were human. You didn't give anybody permission to drink from you, much to Godric's pleasure.

When the suicide bomber attacked, he shielded you. The impact still hurt but you were free of any life-threatening injuries.

In return, you talked him out of meeting the true death. You stood with him on the top of that roof and convinced him that although things are hard, and he has a lot to atone for, there is still much to live for (even if he technically isn't alive).

He claimed you to protect you from other vampires after that. He knew how brutal and beast-like many vampire are. Most understood what it means to claim a human though, so if they knew you were Godric's they wouldn't touch you.

Deep talks. I feel like over time he'd open up about some of the things from his past that bothers him, and how his mental health is. You always listened and reassured him that he has changed for the better.

The only other vampire he would trust to be alone with you is Eric. Eric wouldn't dare touch what is Godric's and often finds himself looking after you when Godric is too busy with vampire stuff.

Quality time and words of affirmation would be his love languages. Please please please shower him with compliments and reassurance. He won't admit it in front of others but he loves it.

Honestly he's sweet all around. In all scenarios. He worships the ground you walk on and will treat you like royalty. That means in bed too.

He's constantly afraid of losing you. As much as he loves your humanity, he's painfully aware of how fragile you are in your current state.

In his two thousand years Godric has developed a great deal of patience and self-control, but the moment you are threatened by another vampire or otherwise non-human... he's not afraid to showcase what he's capable of.

He would never turn you unless you want him to. Even then, I feel like you would really need to convince him that you want that. Honestly you may have to wait until he is ready, because he is conflicted with the idea.

#true blood #true blood x reader #true blood fanfic #eric northman #eric northman x reader #eric northman fanfic #vampire #vampire x reader #vampire x human

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nahoney22 · 8 months

Note

Idk if im allowed to ask for another request for the 3000 celebration but your writing is just so good that I can't help myself. Feel free to ignore if you're getting too flooded with requests lol but would I be able to get "tease me until I can't take it anymore" and "I just want to be used by you tonight. Van I be your personal toy?" Smut with F!Reader and sub!crosshair. Keep up the amazing work

3000 Prompt List Celebration

Crosshair X F!Reader

word count: 1k

NSFW

prompts:

“Tease me until I can’t take it no more.”

“I just want to be used by you tonight, can I be your personal toy?”

warnings: NSFW, 18+ only. Explicit sexual content and language. Sub!crosshair, light dom!female reader. Established relationship, dry humping/grinding, blowjob, teasing, cum denial, praise, pet names, smut without plot (kinda). NSFW under the cut. Not proofread, a little rushed ngl.

Authors note: of course you can ask for another request! I’m just sorry it’s taken like 5 years and it’s not the best. 🩵 @thrawns-babygirl

“I just want to be used by you tonight, can I be your personal toy?”

You stared up at your lover, eyes a little wide and completely stunned at what he just asked. For the last day he had been acting… different. His demeanor had shifted over the past few hours, growing more tense than usual. You had noticed him struggling to articulate something, his words hovering on the tip of his tongue.

But as he looms over you, trained eyes piercingly sharp as they gaze down at you, the question just slipped past his lips. “You want me to use you?” You repeat, quite sure you had heard him correctly but there’s nothing wrong with double checking.

You sense his resolve, his shoulders squaring and eyes finding it hard to stay on yours so with a smirk, you place one hand to his shoulder and push him off you, maneuvering deftly so you were straddling him instead. “Answer me.” You demanded, a fiery desire coursing through you as it appeared Crosshair was yielding control of the situation.

“Yes.” He rasps with a gulp, his eyes a little wide as your confidence shines through straight away. Have you wanted to dominate him as much as he wanted to be submissive to you? He’s sat up, watching you as you begin to tease him with a subtle roll of your hips against his lap, heart hammering in his chest.

He doesn’t particularly know where this sudden desire came from but he wanted a change of pace - he wanted you to take control.

“Now this is an interesting turn of events, Crosshair,” you chime pleasantly, “and not something I’m not going to pass up.”

He remains tight-lipped as you pull your top over your head, tits bouncing free from its confines and you try hard not to blush to the sound of his quiet moan as a result. He almost fails being a sub in a split second, as he so very nearly latched his lips to your stiffening nipples but you were quick to deflect him.

Pressing your hands to his chest, pushing him back until his back hits the mattress you gave him an incredulous look. “Did I say you could kiss my breasts?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “No.”

“No, what?”

He pauses for a second, a deep exhale parting his lips as his cock twitches in his pants at your dominance and how you clearly wanted to be addressed differently. “No… ma’am.”

“Good boy.” You smirk, adding more pressure to his crotch that sends him crazy. You moan yourself a little, the feeling of the thickness of his cock in his pants against your pussy felt so good. In fact, it isn’t long until you are standing, pulling your pants off (too slow for crosshairs liking) until you take yet another seat on his lap and feeling the friction even more. “I can’t wait for you to be inside me, darling.”

Crosshair huffs in response but the lust in his eyes showed everything you needed to know. When you slide his pants off, you sit back and admire how his cock twitches just under your gaze. “Aw, do you need your cock touching?”

The stoic man’s hands clench the sheets beneath him, in torture how you were dragging this out but it is what he wanted after all. “Just,” he whines unable to finish his sentence as his cock already oozes just by the sight of you

“Just, what?”

“Tease me. Tease me until I can’t take it any more.”

His words surprise you once more but the sex crazed smile on your face had you shifting between his legs, fingers gently caressing over his bare thighs. “As you wish.”

Slowly, tortuously slowly, you placed your tongue flat against the inside of his thigh and moved up along his proudly standing erection.

The flat of your tongue slid along his cock as your lips slowly enveloped the head. Crosshairs long lashes fluttered, dark, lust filled eyes finding your gaze.

Your boyfriend whined as he felt his tip touch the back of your warm throat. You moaned at the taste of him, slurping and spitting on his cock just how you wanted to.

His hips start to jut, his heavy breaths becoming ragged as your name slips beautifully past his lips. You know him, you know when he’s about to hit his high and as soon as he gets to his peak, goes curling and moans strangled in his throat, you pull back.

“W-What? Why… babe?” He gasps at the lack of orgasm, by now he would be painting your pretty face with his cum but alas, your face remains clean and smug.

“You’re my toy, remember? You only get to finish when I’m done with you, silly.”

He is watching you with wide, blown eyes as you begin to crawl over the top of him, breasts sliding against his throbbing cock until you maneuver on top of him, your pussy just inches away from his head that was almost begging to be touched by your wet lips.

“You look so good; wanting and needy.”

“You’re fucking incredible.” He breathes, nothing but love on his face and you smirk as you sink onto his length, eliciting the most guttural groan he had ever released.

“Mmm, maker… so, s-so warm.” He rests up on his elbows, hips naturally thrusting up into you but as you tut at him and push against his lower abdomen to halt him.

“No moving.” You commanded and he let out the sweetest whimper of pleasure.

“Please, I need to fuck you so hard.” He sighs, pushing past the firm hold you had as he begged for his needs that you weren’t so willing to give just yet.

“No. Moving.” You repeat, forcing his hips back down as you begin to delicately grind your hips and down against him, his cock stretching you so well that a small curse passes your lips.

“You wanted to be teased, Crosshair,” you rasp, your index finger trailing up his chest that heaved under your touch, caressing up his neck until you grab his chin between your fingers, leaning over his lips, “so this is going to be a long evening for you.”

Masterlist

Tags @andyoufollowyourheart @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @oohyesplease @theroguesully @mustluvecho @ladykatakuri i @jambolska-grozdova @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @rain-on-kamino @either-madness-or-brilliance @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @chrissywakingup @kixs-husband @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @sleepycreativewriter @erellenora @zippingstars87 @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @tinyreadersmur @seriowan @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @raevulsix @imalovernotahater @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder @mysticalgalaxysalad @photogirl894 @fantasyproductions

#nahoney22 writes #crosshair x reader #tbb crosshair #bad batch crosshair x reader #crosshair x fem!reader #the bad batch #star wars #tbb #clone wars #crosshair bad batch

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mikodrawnnarratives · 10 months

Text

Long post!

I have been thinking

a little

not at all little

Actually I've thought a lot about

(more art ltr)

An Idea I've had for a while for a cryptid Y/n au

@naffeclipse

Came up with most of it when I saw some other ideas for cryptid y/n au

INGREDIENTS:

- Little kid

- cryptid that craves warmth (not hearts or organs, just any living being warmth gives energy) (don't know how they'd look)

(why they can't get a pet or smthn idk)

(WAIT)

Cryptid y/n at some point: pspspsps *whistles*

The werewolves: ...

(But fr they'd probably end up killing living beings and humans only so they could get the warmth of the blood. Imagine a cat with catnip and you got cryptid y/n)

when blood cools and dries:

cryptid y/n: :(

DIRECTIONS:

1) Bad meeting

2) Mix (Possession gone wrong)

BOOM

Results: Y/n. Much to their confusion

(old art I made when I first thought of the au)

PREPARATION TIME: ??????

They still have a heartbeat

Somehow

The demonic cryptid with a beating heart. A pretty weak heartbeat but a heartbeat.

And at least partial mind of a human. Their bodies are fused together but mostly look human enough on the outside. But their heart can't keep them going alone, this applies to either party. So they both have to continue cryptid life necessities. Since y/n fused at a young age, their body grew to adapt with the cryptid traits and years after they are stronger and more accustomed to it.

don't question it

Roommates in the same body and become similar to Cryptid Eclipse in terms of how they think and work together. They pretty much become the same person.

I imagine any injury would be very very frightening. I mean the heart's pretty weak from this unnatural fusion so generally they go after anything that can't deal too much damage to them

Many MANY years after becoming cryptid, y/n meets Sun and Moon who offer to help them out. I think they wouldn't suspect them too much since they originally believe they were covered in blood since they were hurt by a cryptid. Moon is more suspicious than Sun tho.

I think it'd be interesting if Sun and moon weren't separate animatronics (yet at least). Y/n grows to trust in them and really does care about them deeply. Especially since they are the best relationship they've had in a while. They aren't warm enough to sustain y/n, but it's closer than any other non living thing has gotten.

Cuddles are vry important here.

Y/n feels safe around them in a way they hadn't in a long time. And Sun and Moon would also care deeply about them just like Cryptid Eclipse and Cryptid hunter y/n. They have plenty of reasons to be concerned over y/n too! Like... why aren't they eating like a human should.

So when someone hurts their sweetie, no matter how scared y/n normally would be, they are def protective over their hunters. Their light. Their warmth.

Lore connection? Idk I came up with the idea b4 series finale and I think an episode prior to it

It'd be interesting if they were a follower of glitchtrap at some point

Most of this idea was baked before some lore clarifications, even then it's only half baked

...

Crossover?

agdxhxgdfdydg for FUNNYS!! (tho only naff can confirm or deny)

I think Hunter y/n, ngl, kinda would want to put Cyptid Y/n under a microscope and study them, and Eclipse is confusion (and bombastic side eye). Actually, both of them are confusion

Cryptid y/n is scared of both. Mostly of Eclipse, even falls over in fear the moment they detect them.

Run Y/n Run! And leave Eclipse VERY CONFUSED!!

Cryptid y/n @ seeing eclipse: WOAH! DAMN. I don't know what the hell you feeding him but he is TOO DAMN BIG

Vanessa: y'know what's worse than a cryptid?

Vanessa *takes away paper*: BOOM.

The whiteboard: "cryptid child"

Glitchtrap: a CHILD

Vanessa: NO

Anyway, just wanted to toss in what I've thought of for cryptid y/n

#my art #art dump #cryptid y/n au #demonic cryptid with a beating heart au #cryptid sightings #cryptid sightings spoilers #kind of #emphasis on 'kind of'#blood #tw blood #cw blood #sun x reader #moon x reader #cryptid hunter!dca #cryptid hunter!moon #cryptid hunter!sun #fanart #long post #MDN art tag

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asinbunn · 1 year

Note

Hii I love your whole shrine aesthetic and can I pray for Scara and Xingqui with a drunk flirty s/o :D

𝐃𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐅𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐭

Prep Note : I added Albedo because I got mixed up mid way as this request is a year ago, and I'm very fucking sorry 👯 I tried analyzing their mannerisms in speech through voicelines, the way they deliver their speech esp with Wanderer still having Scaramouch traits, the harshness has toned down to a (civil enough ig) certain level.

Everyone except Xingqiu has a short imagine because,,my brain short circuited = short texts

Characters : Xingqiu x Reader || Albedo x Reader || Wanderer/Scaramouche x Reader

Genre : Fluff // Crack // Lovey Dovey shæt // TEXT + IMAGINES/SCENARIOS

Warnings : Mentions of alcohol // Cringe pickup lines 🤡 // You will have a stroke deciphering the texts // Could still be OOC // Mentions of Ningguang, Beidou + Kaeya + Aether // Established relationships // Scara's became kinda deep ngl

Xingqiu

Not every msg is translated ! "HEYY BANGSIES, I MISS YOU 😔 HELLO" — "Are you busy" — "Whaat awesome 🥰🥰 I'm actually with Beidou and Ningguang" — "THEY'RE SO LOVELY 😭😭😭" — "UHM YEAH SHE CAN HOLD ALCOHOL REALLY REALLY WELL" — "you know what let's go to the library tmr together" — "don't worry, don't worry it's OK bbg" — "WDYM OH"

Albedo

Again not everything is translated ! "Yeaah baedo HEYY" — "anything for you my sweet baedo" — "hehe you know what, I think even without gravity on Teyvat"

As you lower down your phone, you could see Albedo coming into the tavern, your whole face lights up even more and Kaeya notices that, chuckling at you. Your expression melts in infatuation as the pale blonde approaches your table.

"Let's go home now darling, it's getting quite late" He reached out to hold your hand with a welcoming smile. You stood up fast, wobbly then waving the tall exhausted male a goodbye for the night whilst clinging onto your beloved Alchemist for standing support. You two start exiting the tavern after paying the bill, walking slowly toward your designated home.

At first, the air was creaking in the silent night, difficult to see the sight of stars but the positively pleasant glow of the moonlight just takes your breath away, you inhale the fresh air of Mondstadt lightly before interrupting the peaceful silence between you and your lover,

"uhgh..i'm burning, it's getting so much hotter, could be because of the hottie by my side ahheug.." Albedo smiles fondly, continuing to listen to you ramble nonsense before carrying on the conversation himself,

"You know dear, it actually takes a lot of heat to burn things" you don't pay much attention to what's he saying though still registering the words emitting from his soft voice, Albedo continues with a hum,

"I guess it doesn't take much for me to bring the heat to your cheeks"

As he finishes the sentence the alchemist let's out a raspy chuckle after seeing your eyes widen and ears start glowing red. You can't tell whether it's the alcohol that's causing your temperature to rise or the fact that Albedo is getting bolder by the minute. Mostly likely both, which proves his statement.

Despite having sobered up just slightly, you still stumbled up the stairs before you could take impact upon the concrete, reacting quickly, Albedo firmly caught your arms, and suddenly an idea came into his tinkering mind.

"My dear, could you stand still for a moment?"

You do as he says, patiently waiting for him as he takes off his long white hooded coat. He asks you to wrap it around your lower waist, using his coat to act as a towel. You follow his instructions without paying any mind to it or giving a second thought.

Although before you could thank him for catching you, he swiftly sweeps you off your feet resulting in you letting out a low startled gasp all while in the motion of being carried by your beloved pale-blondie in bridal style. To ensure your safety and comfort, he'll let you adjust to the position as well as the coat wrapped around your legs first before carrying on to returning home.

"Ah~ Albedoo you're so gentle and sweet to me" you softly state while giggling a little whilst laying your head by his firm shoulder and neck with your eyes resting closed. Albedo tilts his gaze towards your blissed expression and smiles tenderly as he brings you two back to your shared home.

Scaramouche/Wanderer

reader is more stable but unhinged texter here

You quickly stand up upon reading the last text he sent, letting out a little screech mid way through Aether’s sentence, startling him and resulting in him asking what’s wrong.

“My beloved is heree!” you excitedly exclaim while darting your attention to the front doors of the restaurant, the serene blue dressed male standing by idly waiting for you. You briskly walked over.

Your pace speeds up recklessly, you spread your arms as you reach closer to your beloved puppet boy, closing your eyes to brace yourself for the impact. Crashing into Scaramouche’s figure, he wraps his arms around your waist whilst yours slides up from his biceps to his thin porcelain neck. You suddenly burst into a fit of giggles, joyful to see him after spending many hours with your new friend, the renowned Traveller.

“Well, hey there you silly thing, had enough fun for tonight yet?” he asks as the corners of his lips perks into a smirk, eyebrow raised high. You snickered out a ramble of "Yes" in repetition, in which Scara's wide smirk melts into a fond little smile, just for his love.

As Aether approaches, you motion a wave for him to come closer, "Say hi guys, you two have met more than once! No need to be so awkward at this point.." You proudly state as if you didn't know their past predicament already.

Aether lets out a quiet "Hey" though still remaining eye contact with your loverboy, while Scaramouche only nods in acknowledgement. It's now 10:36pm, you start to doze off a little, resting your eyes all while leaning on your boyfriend's figure for support and muttering, mumbling incoherent jumbles of words into Scara's ear. Of course, they both take notice to your sleepy drunk state and Scaramouche decides to end it off for today,

"Thanks for entertaining them today Traveller, I'll be taking them back home, have a goodnight then." As he says those last few words, he gently shakes you, re-awaking your drifting mind. Making sure you're conscious, his gaze is only in your droopy eyes, he then whispers with one hand on your cheek, "We're going home now okay sleepyhead?" To that you give a nod of approval, rubbing the sleep off your eyes for a little while. You turn your head and attention towards Aether wishing him goodnight and bid him a goodbye as you and your beloved begin walking out.

Just a moment after walking out the doors you come to a stop, in which Scaramouche caught sight of in an instant. "What's wrong? Why did you stop?" he questioned in slight concern for you. You stare into his lovely indigo eyes, in your own little world, you blurted out in reply,

"Can you carry me on your back please" well that seemed very sudden to him but not all that surprising as it's getting late and it isn't easy staying conscious whilst being drunk. He blinks at your pretty little sleep-desiring eyes,

“...Seriously? you're just going to ask me that, out of the blue?” He could only sigh at your needs, although it’s not like he could ever say no to you in moments like these anyways. “I suppose I can make an exception for you, get on.” He lowers his body in a stance for you to hop on his back. You beamed brightly at his quick cooperation and advanced toward his lowered figure, hugging his hunched back and wrapping your arms from the top of his shoulders, down to his hardened chest. Once you're both comfortable and ready to get moving again, he lifts himself and your figure up straight with ease.

Scaramouche ponders for a moment as he starts walking, “So what were you guys talking about if you hung out for half the day?” You let out a muffled hiccup, then gave a peck on the side of his neck before raising your head from nuzzling his neck. “Aether and I were just trying to get to know each other a little better, they asked a bunch of questions like what I was interested in” You replied, words slurring, you took a second to process your sleepy state before continuing, “I- *hic* I said..I was interested in Scara obviouslyy~” you let out a hushed laugh and stirred. You try to shift yourself forward to sneak a peek at Scara’s face, wondering how he’s gonna react. His ears are dusted in red whilst his cheeks burn up within the cool breezy night.

"Do you always spout your feelings around whilst you’re drunk?” He says that as if he hates it but you both know that’s just the way he is, can’t forwardly accept and admit these things until sooner or later. You inhale sharply, “I am drunk but.. *hic* I love you” even if you are drunk, you don’t believe that your feelings would ever go astray like the way your mind does.

“I’ve heard many say that some humans are the most honest with such heartfelt emotions in times like these. I love you too but I am sober.” He smiles at you with absolute devoted affection, at the very moment you’re still not completely sober however you don’t miss the slight rising blush as he brings himself to say those tender words with nothing but utter sincerity. He’s been hurt, put into a shell of despair for many decades only until he learnt the truth of his world, was when he had the ability to free himself of such sorrows and self-pity. Trust is something he felt he would never be able to give out again, and so for you to present your vulnerability so freely to him makes him think twice. Perhaps he’ll take in all your love even if he will experience the pain from all those years ago once again, he would do so, to gain happiness in the moment with you without wanting to think of the possible consequences it may bring. He’ll endure it no matter what, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to him in a long time. Suddenly his deprecating thoughts are brushed away the instant you speak up again,

“Your smile is the prettiest type of smile I have ever seen..” it’s bewildering, just how much he wants to believe in everything you say. Even if it’s complete nonsense, he really is infatuated with you..

“This smile only exists when I’m with you.”

End Note : I'm living in constant fear of tumblr's word limit, I got carried away with Scaramouche's passage but it took me days to write it all out along with procrastination. I was also using a chat bot to gain ideas from Scara's slight identity shift and some replies were so 😰 MOST WERE HELPFUL THOUGH SO IT'S OKAY - asinbunn

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ranboothesillyartist · 4 months

Text

So uhm I created my first TADC au

StarBunny

Jax design:

I'm going to explain some things so no1 will get confused

A big part of the characters get hungry, can sleep, can get hurt n other things that a living being do. Moon, Sun n Caine are the only ones that don't get hungry

The Moon considers Jax her "son". I dunno how to explain this..

Caine, moon n sun are the only ones who can understand what's Jax saying

Text: red: gangle, orange: raghata, purple: kinger, pink: zooble, Caine: u'll know bc I'll show u n Jax... I don't want to give u spoilers

A very dark night Jax feel's bad n goes outside to crie, he always hide his bad feelings in front of the others.

He sits near the lake, the moon see him crying n asks:

Why are you crying darling?

Jax doesn't answer so the moon sits next to him

Do you feel bad from so many years that you're stuck here?

Jax nods

Well It's probably worse for others,you are being very mean to others...

...

I'm sorry darling but that's the truth... You need to stop that

...

I know that there's a good bunny inside you..!

She touches his face (invisible nose lol)

I think that I can change it!

Jax falls asleep

The next morning Jax wake up n feels a bit different, he can't talk, he starts panicking!

Calm down! I did this so you can possibly change! So you can't be mean

(Moon says)

Now Jax can only communicate w... jingles??? What is happening to this story creator???? (I don't fucking know..!)

*JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE????* (WHY??? COULDN'T U JUST CHANGE ME BUT NOT TAKING AWAY MY VOICE????)

... Well I wanted to try something different.!

* jingle jingle..* ( u're weird..)

Well now you're my little star!

*jingle* ( k lol I have to accept that)

You can go now, bye!

Now Jax go sneak peek the others but oh raghata saw him n oh gangle too!

Jax: *JINGLE* (OH FUC-)

Jax starts running trying to scape from raghata, gangle n now zooble, kinger.. ( Pomni is having another panic attack )

Jax comes across a dead end hallway, now he's cornered! SHIT- he thinks then he looks at the others w a horrified face

We will not hurt you!

Hey can we be friends?

Hey lil fella don't be afraid! I can't hurt you!

Jax feels... Loved? Happy?? I dunno it's a mix of feelings teehee:33

You look like a star! *Hugs Jax*

Well looks like there's a new friend here!

*Chuckles*

Well uhm Jax takes advantage of them thinking he's a new character n enjoy the moment but then Caine shows up n notice him

Caine: Wait! I don't remember having a new member! Let me see... Wait... THAT'S JAX???

WHAT?! HOW?? everyone screamed

Caine: Jax, who did this?

*Jingle jingle..* (the moon..)

Caine: What? The moon can do that?!

*Jingle jingle?* (as I see yes?)

Caine: I'll have a little conversation with her!

Everyone is surprised, they didn't know that was Jax

Oh! You changed! Pff!

But he still looks like a star.. a cute star..

AAAAAA

Uhm pfff well you look cute! *chuckles* (ngl..)

Jax feels a bit uncomfortable.. but he already did a lot of other bad things so he deserves it. Zooble makes fun of him n the others like to hug him bc he's very soft n so cute, they can't be mad at him he's just so cute!

N I'm done for now! that's the story, I want to people give me ideas of what to draw em doing, like.. Jax sleeping w the moon?? Dunno..

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darkstar225 · 1 year

Text

Twice’s 10th member has a solo debut

A/N: I actually got another ask on Tumblr, yaaaaay! :)

The request: Can you do something like the 10th member getting a solo and twice's reaction to her being all grown up? I imagine they'd be the type to be so motherly and shocked to see a different side of her.😂 but at the end of the day she's still their lil baby!

PS: Tysm for everyone that reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

It's been a long time since TWICE debuted and they couldn't be happier, after many requests their dear maknae got a chance to become a soloist. What they never expected was that she would be doing such a different concept from the one the group had.

As Y/N walked past the trainees, she finally understood how her unnies felt when they knew they'd perform alone. It was a mix of emotions she couldn't grasp how to deal with, after running along the corridors she finally found the waiting room where the staff and managers were all at.

Y/N: I'm sorry, I got lost *bowing*

Manager oppa: Hahahah, it's okay kid. Did you forget the way here?

Y/N: Yes... Jihyo unnie always guides me here and Sana unnie is always holding my hand so *shrugs*

Manager oppa: At least you got here safe and sound!

Y/N: Thank you for waiting and my apologies again. *bowing*

Meanwhile... her sisters were at the dorm preparing for the surprise they didn't tell their youngest. Even if they had a whole day of schedules they'd cancel it to support their maknae altogether. Also, they're incredibly curious about the title of the album, regardless of the days they spend begging for a sneak peek, Y/N stood her ground and denied showing anything till the day she'd be debuting, which is today!

Sana: I can't wait to see what our baby is gonna sing!!

Nayeon: She's amazing, look at this young pic of her. I can't believe she grew up so much!

Jihyo: She will always be our maknae, even when she's 60.

Jeongyeon: That's true, I can only imagine how much more endearing she can get!

Mina: Let's hurry, Manager oppa already send the signal (찌릿 찌릿 찌릿 찌릿)

Dahyun: It's not gonna be long till she gets on stage, we need to get there asap

Tzuyu: It's not her wedding unnies, we must leave now

Momo: Fineee, come on girls!

Chaeyoung: Finally!

Momo: I heard that -_-

Jihyo: Me too, Son Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung: Sorry unnie.

Jihyo: That's more like it...

After some -years- minutes, they're finally heading to the venue. The traffic was horrible but they got there on time (How? I guess we'll never know)

Sprinting through the halls they noticed their maknae a mile away, she was already on stage getting ready to record, not a single thought on her mind besides "You can do it, if the unnies did it, you can too" and because of that she failed to take note of her unnies eyeing her outfit and the concept of the stage (let's imagine she's the singer of Gotta Go by Chungha) and talking quietly with each other.

Mina: I mean- look at the aesthetic, it seems like she's gonna do something less cute than our songs.

Chaeyoung: Yeahhh, she's gonna rock the stage anyway ✨

Nayeon: There wasn't another option hon, she's our child.

At this moment, Y/N starts walking around the stage to check all aspects of the performance before she begins. Her members can see the change in her eyes and the confidence she carries. Her outfit is way more revealing than anything they've ever seen her use and the most surprising is how different she looks with makeup on, normally she goes for a natural look so spotting something like that makes them realize how grown up their maknae is, even if they refuse to believe it every single day. Sana: Wow, look! It's like a catwalk!

Momo: Ngl, she's looking hot.

Jihyo: HEY. I wanna oppose 'cause it's my kid we're talking about but yeah... I agree.

The youngest goes to her place and starts singing like there's no tomorrow, her members can only stare without saying a word, baffled doesn't even cover how they feel. When it gets to the chorus, her dance makes Momo think back to all the personal classes she gave the maknae when they were only a year after debuting. Jihyo starts to reflect on how much the girl has grown, from a child that followed her around to the woman that's on the stage belting and grooving to the rhythm of the song they could never see their kid doing. With tears in her eyes, Nayeon just seems to be perplexed by the changes between on-stage and off-stage Y/N, the innocent doe eyes she does when she wants some candy, the stumps when she gets frustrated about something she didn't get, the completely full of blush face she gets when her unnies annoy and fool around with her and everything else, disappeared, and TWICE didn't see it coming, they knew Y/N had already ended her teenage years however, seeing up close how adult, like she's by herself, is a shock.

Chaeyoung: Bro... Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Dahyun: Yeah bro, she doesn't even seem like our maknae.

Sana: Where did my baby go??

Mina: Our honey seems so professional up there, I can't even explain how proud I feel.

Jeongyeon: Who let her do that? JYP didn't give us a warning!

Jihyo: A warning would be good...

Chaeyoung: Hell yeah.

Nayeon: Language.

Dahyun: Did you actually say that? I'm the only one who heard it??

Tzuyu: I did too, made her more of a grandma than we thought.

Nayeon: WHAT?

Sana: Shhhh, we're trying to listen to our baby singing.

Momo: Yeah grandma, let us appreciate our maknae.

Nayeon: Fine. I'm gonna let it slide just for our maknae.

When Y/N did some waves they couldn't help but want to close their eyes and think "This is a child, our child" but at the end of the day they understood how they should never judge the youngest for her solo, she wasn't that kid that entered the group and made their hearts melt from how much of a child she was, playing with her dolls from time to time, wanting to go to the park with her sisters, dancing to stupid songs just because. She still made them swoon in a blink of an eye but she grew up and they had to recognize that they did help on providing to create an incredible human being, their Y/N, their inspiration to be better every day.

After her stage, Y/N brighten up immediately when she saw her unnies. Running like the kid they remember each second they breathe, and that's when they started thinking the same thing:

We love our dear maknae.

A/N: I apologise for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there's something wrong, ty for reading <3

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scarletwinterxx · 5 months

Text

for the hope of it all - haechan imagine

hello💛 it's been a long time since i wrote something this longggg, ngl it took me months to finish this. and i'm inlove. (with this story and hyuck🤭) happy holidays! it's been such a rollercoaster of a year, i'm glad to have been a part of your year as much as you are a part of mine🤍🥺 hope you like it!

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

No matter how many times Haechan denies it, his friends would think the exact opposite. In the words of his good friend Huang Renjun, the reason why Haechan never shuts up is because he’s so in love with himself he just loves the sound of his own voice.

Rightfully so, Haechan always reasons out. Why would he not love it when he consistently scores high 90’s whenever they have karaoke nights. One game he know he doesn’t have to cheat his way into winning.

"Oh god, shut up please" Renjun groans

"What, I'm right though. If only I work out a bit more, I'm sure I can beat Jaemin on arm wrestling. Give me until the end of the year"

"I'd give good money to see that" Jaemin mumbles

"You'll bet on me right?" Haechan asks Renjun

"That's stupid, here why don't we make a bet. I bet you can't keep your mouth shut for the rest of the night" Renjun proposes, he knows just how competitive Haechan can get.

"If I win?"

"I'll be your personal slave for a week"

"Make it a month" Haechan negotiates, waiting for Renjun to say yes.

"Deal" Renjun says, knowing his friend would last 5 minutes. "If I win, you'll be my personal errand boy" Haechan rolls his eyes, acting like he's zipping his lips and throwing the key away.

"Goodluck with that" Jaemin laughs, waiting to see who wins. He knows Renjun would, Renjun is never wrong.

"Who needs another drink?" Jaemin asks, ready to stand up but Haechan stops him. "Oh, you haven't lost yet but since you're offering. I'll get 1 more beer" Jaemin tells him

"Same here, make that 2 more"

Haechan salutes to his friends before walking away, keeping his lips shut tight. If there's something Haechan loved more than his voice, it would be proving Renjun wrong.

He grabs four more beer cans from the cooler, trying to hold all in his hands. When he turns around he accidentally bumps against someone or something, losing his grip on some of the cans.

"Oh shit, sorry. Wait I'll get that"

Before Haechan could say anything, the other person was already leaning down to get it.

"Here, sorry again" standing straight back up you hand Haechan the cans, only to see him just looking at you

"Uh you okay?" you ask, he just nods

"Okay, well I'm gonna go now. Sorry again" you mumble then excused yourself, walking towards the other room. Haechan wanted to punch himself, he wanted to say something he should've said something.

He don't even know you and yet he was ready to lose the stupid bet with Renjun even if it meant he'll be a personal slave.

"Dude, I just bumped in with the prettiest girl I swear I need to find her. God that was stupid, I looked stupid I just stood there. I didn't even ask for her name. What the fuck was wrong with me, now I'll never find her again. What if I never find her again?"

Renjun and Jaemin just share a confused look while Haechan rambles on

"What the fuck are you going on about?"

"The mystery girl! My mystery girl! I let her get away" Haechan groans, slumping down on his previous seat sulking like a little child who didn't get to buy his favorite candy.

"You know you just spoke right?" Jaemin asks

"Fuck that, I already missed my chance" Haechan grumbles

"I'm sure you'll find her again. Now open that beer for me" Renjun says,

"Why don't you open it?" Haechan sneers at his friend

"Well I won right, why would I do things I'm fully capable of doing when I have you?" Renjun teases Haechan, taking one of the cans to open it only for the can to burst out

"Oh fucks sake" Haechan shouts while his two friends doubles over with laughter, tonight is definitely not his night.

Ever since that night, Haechan has been on the look out for his mystery girl. Hoping fate is on his side and he'd bump into you again but it's been two weeks and not a single sign of you.

"Dude, I'm dying here. Can't you help a friend out?" Haechan exaggeratedly says as he takes the seat beside Jaemin

"And what can I help you with? Finding your mystery girl?"

"You know her?"

"No"

"You should be nicer to me, I literally woke up for this. I don't see Renjun doing this for you" Haechan glares at Jaemin

"Can you just order coffee, please. We need to finish this report by 11" Jaemin brushes him off, too busy typing away on his laptop

He copies Jaemin's order mockingly as he makes his way to the counter. Busy scrolling on his phone, he didn't pay that much attention around him.

When he got to the counter, he orders for him and Jaemin only to find that he forgot his card. Again.

"Shit I don't have my card, can you wait a moment my friend's over there"

"Sorry can't hold orders" the cashier says

"I literally go here everyday, he's right there. I don't have cash on me"

"I got it, here's a 50" someone says from behind him, sliding the money on the counter which the cashier takes with a smile

"Thanks, here's your change" the cashier says, handing the change to you. Only then Haechan looks back to see you.

"It's you" he mumbles

At first you weren't sure he was talking to you, so you didn't notice. But then you feel someone's gaze on you, he seemed familiar but you can't quite place where you met him before.

"Have we met before?" you ask him

"yes, yea I mean yes at the party. You helped me with the beer"

"Oh, that was you. Hi, guess I saved you again" you joke

"Yea, thanks I owe you. Twice. I'll pay you back though, give me a moment" he leaves while you order

"Hey, give me money" Haechan tells Jaemin, his friend shoots him a confused look "Quick! I'll pay you back, okay thanks" he takes the money quickly before jogging back to where you were waiting for your order

"Here you go, and next time I'll buy you coffee. For you know the first time you saved me" he smiles at you, hoping it would work

"Don't mention it" you answered with a smile. Someone calls from the counter, guessing it was yours because you went to take it. Remembering your name this time.

"Wait uhm can I have your number?" he's never been nervous to ask someone their number but right now he can feel his palms get a bit sweaty.

"Haechan right?" he nods at your question

"I have a feeling we'll see each other again, I'll give it to you then" you smile then walk away.

"Why not now? What if we don't see each other for a long time?"

"Then you'll have something to look forward to, see you around Haechan"

Leaving Haechan to watch after you mesmerized.

He already knows he'd wait all day or week or no matter how long just to meet you again. It's like you got him under some spell.

Haechan walks back to their table, holding his and Jaemin's coffee.

"Why are you smiling like that? You're scaring me"

"You can't ruin my day. This is like the best day ever. Give me the handouts I'll do it" he tells Jaemin, taking the laptop from him and getting to work.

"Why why why did you drag me here?" Haechan grumbles as Renjun practically drags him by his sleeves to the art wing.

"Because I need to talk to Chenle about something and you're driving me home. But knowing you, you'd probably forget and leave me, so I'm taking you with me"

Renjun lets go of his sleeve to get his phone, "Yah Zhong Chenle, I'm here. What do you mean? Okay and? Fine what's her name?"

Haechan wasn't listening to the conversation, making himself busy by reading some random flyers on the wall when suddenly he hears another voice speak

"Hi, sorry are you Renjun?"

Haechan knows that voice, immediately he turns his head and there you were speaking to his friend

"Y/N?" Renjun asks, "It's you" Haechan mumbles

"Yea, here's Chenle's stuff. He left earlier and forgot about it. Good thing I was still here" you explain with a smile, both you and Renjun still oblivious to the boy smiling stupidly on the sidelines.

When you sensed someone looking at you, you looked over to the side to see Haechan already looking at you

"Hi, you're Haechan right?"

You remember him. You actually remember his name and you really did meet again. Haechan internally panics.

"You two know each other?" Renjun asks, you just nod your head. "Yea, I kinda saved him twice" you joke

Renjun looked back to his friend before looking at you again, "He's being weird, I think it's time to go. Thanks again" Renjun waves bye at you.

You say goodbye and watch him walk away, expecting Haechan to follow but he stayed behind

"You okay?" you ask

"You said you'd give your number when we meet again" he blinks at you, "I did?" you chuckled. You do recall telling him that, not expecting him to remember it though.

"Yea"

The two of you stared at each other, he was just about to say something again when suddenly you smile at him and it's like the wind got knocked out of his lungs.

He takes his phone out only to see it dead, he looks up at you like a kicked puppy. You can't help but giggle. You take a pen from your back pocket then you took his hand. Writing on the back of his palm as gently as you could, "There. Call me if you need saving again" you joke, "I guess I'll see around" you add before saying bye and walked back inside the room.

"Yah Lee Haechan! What are you doing?" Renjun shouts at his friend, breaking him from his stupor

"That was her! Renjun that was her!" He runs excitedly towards his friend, looking at your number written at the back of his hand

"Who? What the hell are you talking about?"

"That's the girl I've been talking about. This is fate, we met a few times now. And look she gave me her number"

Renjun has known Haechan for a long time, he has seen his friend in different situations but never once has he seen Haechan act like this. Be this excited, not even when he beats Jaemin when they play games. Or that time he won over Renjun when they played monopoly.

"Oh god, if this is how you act when you're in love please spare me"

The next time he sees you is during the town fair. Some of the fraternities and clubs from university participated in the booths so a lot of students were roaming around.

He has sent you a few texts since the last time he saw you and he could never get past the introductory stage. It's obvious he's attracted to you, but to him that's not enough. Being attracted to someone can just mean you like them physically, he wants to know you. What you like, what you don't like. How you drink your coffee in the morning, what your favorite song is and all of that.

It's kind of silly to be this invested over a girl he met only a few times but there's just something about you that enchants him.

And just like that, it's like the universe heard his thoughts. There you were standing amongst the crowd, like that slowmo moment in movies when everyone else disappears and all he can focus on is you. Before he can stop himself, he's already walking towards you.

"Hey" someone said from behind you, making you turn around.

"Oh hi, I haven't seen you around campus and we finally meet here" you smile at him and Haechan swore your smile is brighter than all the lights in this carvinal fair combined.

"Yea, been busy. Are you alone or are you with your friends?" he notices

"Just me, I asked Chenle to come but he said he has basketball training. He's my blockmate and friend"

He wanted to be your friend to, he wanted to be more than that. He wanted to be just someone to you. He thoughts.

"Have you gone on any of the rides?" he asks, you shook your head

"Want to come with? I can join you" he offers

"You sure, didn't you come with your friends?" you ask back

"Nah, I mean I did but I already lost them so I guess I'm coming with you. If that's okay"

"Sure, kinda afraid of that ferris wheel though" you say, pointing at the tallest ride.

"Noted, we won't even come near it. How about we just walk around and check out the booths?"

That's how you spend the next few hours, playing games, trying out the food and just having unexpected fun with this guy.

When the sun was just about to set, you stood by the barriers to watch it. Loving how the colors of the sky change, you admire it like it's the first time you're seeing this happen.

While your attention was on the sunset, the boy beside you was very captivated by you. Haechan couldn't tear his eyes off you. He pulls his phone out to capture the moment,

"What was that?"

"Mhm?"

"Did you just take a picture of me?" you ask him

"Yea" Haechan answers carefully, scared that he might have overstepped your boundaries. "Sorry, I should've asked first but you looked pretty. I mean the moment looked pretty so I uh yea" rubbing the back of his neck as he tries or more like fail to explain

Instead of getting mad at him, you just laugh. Smiling at the boy beside you. "That's a fine, the sunset is beatiful" you mumble

"I meant you" he said, "Huh, that's a first"

"Nobody has ever taken a picture of you?"

You shake your head before speaking "Being called pretty, even though you took it back a second after saying it" you tease him

Looking straight ahead again, watching the sun disappear from the horizon. From your periphery you can tell he was still looking at you, "I didn't it say so I can fish out more compliments from you, I just thought about it so I said it. I'm being cynical again, don't mind me"

"You're beautiful, you know? And I'm saying that because that's what I can only think of right now" he tells you, his eyes never leaving the side of your face. He was committing every detail to his memory, this moment can be one of new core memories.

"Can I see the picture you took?" you ask, changing the subject

"I'll post it, you can check it there. Don't worry, you look cute there" he says as he put his camera away

"Hey Hyuck, thank you for today. I was getting stressed with school, this was like a breath of fresh air" you tell him, resting your cheek against your arm.

He follows your actions, eyes staying on yours

"Anytime, you can call me anytime. It's always good to watch the sunset after a long day, reminds us that even the long hard days end"

"Yea, I like the sunset"

"I can be your sunset, when you have a tough day just call me. I'll try to make it better" he tells you, voice sounding like your favorite tune.

"Okay" you mumble, a few moment passes just looking at his features being kissed by the last light of the day before it disappears.

Suddenly, you think endings aren't that bad after all. If this is how all your days end, if he's there to promise another tomorrow to you then maybe that one movie line was right. Sometimes endings are the best part.

After that, you and Haechan started to grow closer together. When you're not texting, you're on a call with him. You sometimes spend your vacant period and study in the library together.

You also notice how attentive the guy is towards you. You're not naive, there's definitely something there but for now you don't say anything. You don't want to assume, because what if you're the only one who thinks that way.

So you just let things happen, let fate run its course.

Props to Haechan because he is a very consistent guy.

"Hey Y/N, your boyfriend's here" Chenle says when he entered the studio, earning a very confused look from you

"Huh? Who?"

"Dude with brown hair, friends with Renjun"

You try to piece his description together, only to think of one person

"Haechan's here?" you ask, putting your brush down

"Yea outside, hey you're still wearing your apron!" he shouts after you but you were already out of the room

"And she tells me she doesn't like him like that" he says to himself with a chuckle.

Meanwhile you walk towards the entrance and sure enough Haechan is standing there. "What are you doing here?" you ask, catching his attention. Immediately he smile at you, striding across the hall to stand directly infront of you.

"It's raining, you hate going home in this weather so I just kinda took a chance if you're still here. Good thing I bumped into on of your classmate" he says, referring to Chenle

"Didn't your class end early?" you ask him

"Yea, I went back to my dorm then it started to rain. So I came back"

"You came back? For me?"

"You hate the rain" he says as if it was the only explanation he got when in reality he really wanted to see you today. The both of you have been very busy so apart from the few messages, you haven't gotten the chance to hang out. Reality is, Haechan couldn't wait another day to see you again.

"Did you bring an umbrella?" he asks you when you didn't speak, shaking your head to answer him

He chuckles before showing you the bright yellow umbrella he brought, "Good thing I came then"

"You didn't have to"

"I wanted to, we haven't hung out in a while. You probably buried yourself again with work, you need to rest" you were just about to say no but he takes your paint covered hand

"I can't wait to see your next masterpieces, I'm sure it's all precious to you and you want to finish it. But you're precious to me too, so I need to take care of you" he says, looking down at your hand in his. Smiling at how perfectly it fits right there.

You can ask a thousand question and he will always come back to you with an answer. Not once since you met him did he ever make you feel any sort of doubt.

"I'll just go grab my stuff" you tell him, giving his hand a squeeze before dropping it. Walking back to the studio to get your bag. Chenle was already gone, probably took the other way when he went. So you get your bag, took your apron off, turned off the lights before walking back to where Haechan was.

He spots you down the hall, taking your bag from you to sling it on his shoulder. "Ready to go?" he asks you

You nod, "Thank you, you saved my day once again"

"What did I tell you? I'll always be here to make your tough days better" he smile at you before throwing one arm around you to pull you closer, he opens the umbrella with his other hand making sure it covers you.

You did hate going anywhere in this weather. If you're home right now, you wouldn't mind it that much. Being out and about when it's raining stresses you out. You always feel anxious about commuting or driving or going anywhere when the weather is bad.

But right now while sharing this yellow umbrella with the boy you potentially like, you don't hate it as much so long as he's there to hold you and walk with you under the rain shower.

"It's your birthday soon, got any plans?" Haechan looks over at you, waiting and hoping for a favorable answer. One that would go well with his plans.

You shake your head, you weren't even aware "Didn't even know it's August already"

You didn't like making a big deal out if it, to you it's another normal day.

"So you're not going out?"

"Probably not, it's a weekday so I might have a class. I'll just go to the studio if I don't have any class that day. Why?"

"If you're not busy, do you want to have dinner? with me? do you want to go get dinner on your birthday with me?" he asks you, feeling nervous for no reason. He practiced this in his head many times but he can't say it straight now that he's saying it to you.

You giggle at his question, "Dinner? Sure"

"Really?"

"Yea, I don't have anything planned" you shrug

"Okay, cool. Uh how does 6pm sound? You can come by at my place" he tells you, he can feel the heat rushing to his cheeks. Hoping you don't notice it, you do.

"Okay"

Fast forward a couple of days later, it's your birthday. When you woke up you had one message, sent exactly at 12:01 am from one Lee Haechan.

"Happy birthday, I wanted to be the first one"

That alone was enough to make you smile for the day. You prepared for the day, did some school works until it was time to go over at Haechan's place.

Ringing his doorbell once, you waited for him. You hear a click then the door opens, Haechan welcomes you with a smile.

"Hey! You're here, happy birthday" he greets you, letting you in before closing the door behind you. You walk inside his place to see the table set up, looking back at him

"You cooked for me?" you ask him, trying to fight the smile making it's way on your lips but you fail

"Yea, it's your special day and I know you'd like this ten times better than going out. Plus I got you cake, wait did you want to go out?" he asks, worried he just ruined the night. It's your birthday, the first one you'll celebrate together so he wanted to make sure it was special.

You didn't say anything at first then you jogged to where he was standing, throwing your arms around his shoulders to engulf him with a hug

"I love it, thank you thank you" you tell him, Haechan can hear the smile in your voice and just like that his worries were washed away. He puts his arms around your waist to lift you up, hugging you tighter. He kisses your temple, "Happy birthday, I'm glad I got to meet you in this lifetime"

You pull away from where your head was buried to look at him in the eyes, "Me too, I hope all versions of me meet their version of you"

He smiles at you, setting you back down on your feet again.

"Let's enjoy this dinner then, how about a movie after?"

"Sounds like a lovely night" you beam at him

"Oh I got you something, it's not big don't worry. Just something you might need, I thought of you when I saw it"

You take the bag from him, opening it excitedly to see what's inside. A yellow thing catching your eye, when you take it out you see it's a big cute scrunchie. You did mention you needed a new one.

"It's cute thank you, I need one when I do work at the studio. This is perfect. Thank you, Haechan. Really this whole night is perfect. I don't like celebrating this day but maybe it isn't too bad when I get to celebrate it like this"

"Then I can say mission accomplished, if you're happy then that's all that matters. It's your day today, I wanted to celebrate this day with you"

You smile at him, hugging him again. Immediately he hugs you back, resting his cheek on your head he hears you mumble

"Thank you"

It's past 10pm, yet again you were too busy finishing your work to even check the time. You remember telling Haechan you'll text him when you get home but you're still at the studio.

"You're still here?" someone asks, making you look behind you. Chenle standing by the doorway, "I thought I was the last one here" he adds

"Just need to finish this piece, I'm just cleaning up actually"

"Surprised to see you here, it's raining cats and dogs outside" just then you here the rumble of thunder outside

"Headphones" you tell him, "Well you better go now, traffic is bad. There was an accident in town. A few cars piled up" He tells you

"Oh that sounds bad, was anyone harmed?"

"Not sure, Jisung just texted me on his way home to find another route since it was still there when he passed by. I think it's near your place too"

"I should go now then, maybe I'll take a cab" you say, picking your bag from the floor and following Chenle down the hall

"Oh wait Haechan was asking for you, I thought you went home earlier so I said you're not here anymore" Chenle recalls seeing Haechan outside the building maybe an hour ago

"What do you mean Haechan was here?" already your mind was racing, a hundred bad scenarios playing

"He went out to find you, I don't know where he is- HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING IT'S POURING OUTSIDE!" Chenle shouts after you but you were already out of the building.

You weren't sure where you were running off to, but when you heard there was an accident near your place you got this bad feeling in your chest.

"Y/N? What are you doing there?" Renjun asks, rolling down the window the car, you spot Jaemin from the driver's side. They also had a late night at campus, not expecting to see you running outside at this hour of the night when Haechan left to pick you up earlier.

"Haechan? Where's Haechan? I need to see him" you utter, the rain beating down on you. The two guys share a worried look, Jaemin already searching for an umbrella inside the car while Renjun throws his jacket over him before running over to you to get inside the car

"Haechan" you say

"We don't know where he is, have you tried calling him?" Renjun asks, you nodded your head. You did try but he wasn't answering, now you don't even know where your phone is

"I'll call him" Jaemin says, taking his phone to quickly dial his friend's number. After a few tries still no answer

"Can you drive near my place, I heard something happened. What if-"

"Hey don't freak out, I'm sure he just forgot to charge his phone again" Renjun comforts you as Jaemin drives away.

Due to the heavy rain and accident, the traffic was bad. You couldn't wait another minute so for the second time tonight you ran through the rain

"Yah Y/N, where are you going?!" Renjun shouts as he watch you run through traffic

"I really hope Haechan's okay" he mumbles, looking over Jaemin who is calling Haechan again hoping the other would pick up.

Running as fast as you could, you finally reached the block before your apartment where the crash happened. You look around the busy street, police were still there but no sign of any medical personnel.

You look left and right, turning your head over and over again trying to see a familiar face.

Haechan was getting worried, it's late and raining hard. He should've charged his phone but he left his charger at home, now it's dead and useless. Wondering where you are at the moment, then he looks outside again to check if they're letting cars through.

Something catches his eye, someone running by. It was as quick as a second but he knows that yellow scrunchie, he can tell from a mile away.

Without a doubt, he gets out of the car to chase after the person. There he sees you standing in the middle of traffic looking terrified. Then he was screaming your name, he needed you to see him, he needed to be close to you this instant to ask you what's wrong.

You don't know if you were dreaming but you definitely heard him, looking around again you see someone standing a few cars back. You hear it again.

Then you were running. Leaping straight into his awaiting arms, throwing your own around him trapping him there like you were afraid he was going to float away.

"Hey, you okay? What were you doing running through the rain? You're gonna sick" Haechan tells you but you can't hear all his word, the sound of your own beating heart was louder.

"You're okay" you keep on repeating, when he felt you calm down a bit he broke away from your embrace but still kept you in his arms,

"What happened?"

It's like a switch has been flipped because the next second you were hitting him, "Ouch! what I do?!" Haechan asks

"You weren't answering your phone! I thought something bad happened to you! I couldn't find you, I thought-" then you were crying again, hoping he can't tell since it's still raining. Your tears mixing with the raindrops but Haechan knows.

Instead he just takes your face in his hands, cradling it ever so gently to comfort you.

"I'm okay, I'm right here see. I'm sorry, I'll call next time"

"You scared me" you mumbled

"Sorry" he tells you with a small smile, those three words were more than enough confirmation for him. He knows just how much you hate thunderstorms, your love and hate relationship with rain. And yet here you are, running through the worst weather because you were looking for him.

He hugs you again, "I'm here" he tells you

"Let's get you out of this rain, we're both gonna get sick" he says as he guides you back to his car. Once the two of you settle inside, Haechan turns the heat on and looks for something else to keep you from freezing.

"Wait, Renjun and Jaemin was right behind me. I need to text time but I don't know where my phone is" you say

"Well my phone is dead, I'll text them when we get back"

He was just about to say something else when someone knocks on his window, it was Renjun. "Did you see Y/N? She dashed away- Oh you're there. Well then, make sure you take a warm shower when you get home. Also next time, charge your phone please" he tells Haechan before waving goodbye to you.

Haechan lets out a chuckle before rolling his windows up, looking over at you again.

"You okay? Do you need anything?"

You shook your head, rubbing your hands together to generate some warmth. Now that you've finally calmed down, you can definitely feel the cold. Haechan ofcourse notices this, taking your hands in between his before putting it against his lips. Blowing gently on it to keep you warm.

"Next time, I promise I'll text you when I go out this late or when I leave somewhere so you don't go out running in the rain. You could've gotten hurt or worse"

"I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't even thinking. You weren't answering your phone and then I heard something happened here, my mind freaked out" you tell him, watching him continue his actions of rubbing the back of your hands and blowing on them

"You were really worried about me?"

You chuckled, "I forgot I was scared of thunder and rain. I don't think I would even mind if a lightning struck right infront of me" you tell him. And it was the truth. Your fears were outweighed by your worry for him. It didn't matter to you, all you needed was to see him.

"I'm glad you're okay" you whisper, Haechan smiles at you putting down your hands. He then cradles your face again, leaning over the console to get closer to you. Tilting your head down a bit to kiss you on the forehead.

When the two of you arrived to his dorm, he immediately got towels to help you dry off. He showed you the bathroom to change, giving his extra clothes.

While waiting for you, he changes also then goes back to the kitchen to prepare hot chocolate for the two of you.

"Thanks for lending me your clothes" you say from behind him, when he turns around it's like his heart leaped out of his chest.

It's not that big of a deal, but seeing you in his clothes does something to him. He's pretty sure he's blushing right now.

"Yea sure, uh I'm making hot choco" he stutters, if you noticed you don't comment on it and he silently thanks you for it.

The two of you sit on his couch, waiting for the rain to stop while sipping on your hot choco.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" you answer

"Why don't you like the rain?"

"Something happened, I got in a minor accident. I was driving home from school too, it was raining hard I couldn't even see the road. The car swerved off the road, thankfully I wasn't badly injured but it was very scary. I hated going out when it's raining ever since" you explain while Haechan listens attentively

"I'm glad you're okay" he mumbles

You chuckle, putting the mug down before pulling your legs up to hug them. "I was in high school, ever since I couldn't drive at night or when it's raining"

The two of you talked about everything, he wanted to know all about you and here you are letting him. You didn't even notice how the time passed.

"Hey the rain stopped" Haechan suddenly says

"Oh yea, I guess I should go. Oh wow is that the time" you see it on the wall clock since your phone is still nowhere to be found, probably left it in Jaemin's car earlier during your mini freak out.

"I can drive you home" Haechan offers

"It's late, I can take a cab or walk"

"Absolutely not, I'm driving you home. Come on" he pulls you up, holding you by the arm.

"Hey Haechan"

He stops, looking back at you. "Yea?"

"I'm glad you're okay" you tell him

He smiles at you, this time he pulls you to him. Hugging you.

It was unexpected. For a second he thought he did the wrong thing, but then he felt your arms go around him holding him tighter.

He kisses the top of your head, a silent assurance. He won't dare to say anything, soaking the moment.

When the two of you broke apart, he just smile at you before speaking again.

"Let's drive you home"

That was like the calm before the storm.

Haechan don't get it, was it something he said? Something he did?

It's been days and you're avoiding him. He sent numerous calls and texts. When he asked Chenle if you were coming you class, he did say you attended regularly.

What he didn't know was you were having a war with yourself.

You like Haechan. You like him so so much it scares you.

It scares you because what if this is all temporary. What if he's only doing it to be kind to you. What if he gets tired of you like all the boys you've liked before.

That's why for the past few days you couldn't face him. You don't know what to say to him, you don't understand your own feelings how can you even explain all of that to him.

Chenle knows all about your dilemma, after all he is one of your closest friend. Which is also why he's the first person Haechan looked for when he couldn't contact you,

"Just give her time, plus it's you. Give her a few days and she's talk to you again"

"What do you mean it's me?" he asks, confused

Chenle chuckles before answering, "I'm not about to pour out her feelings for her. You need to talk to her about that. All I know is ever since she met you, she's been happier" then he points at the latest piece you were making

"See that? She's been working on it for a while now, it's not an assignment. She said it just reminded her of one of her favorite days"

It was a painting of a sunset, looking so similar as the one the two of you saw before.

You weren't even there but that painting said a thousand words and confirmed everything to Haechan. All his doubts going away. He knew this was your way of talking to him.

This is how you confess to him. In your own way.

Haechan smiles as he stares at it.

He thinks he gave you enough time.

Meanwhile you were at home, half sulking half overthinking. This is the longest you went without talking to Haechan. It wasn't until you started to avoid him you realized just how big his presence is in your day to day life.

Hearing a knock on your door, you were hoping it was the boy you've been thinking about for days. But no.

The last person you expected to see on your doorstep: your ex-boyfriend, Lee Jeno.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"Why?" your face void of any emotion.

It's been a while since you last saw him or even talked to him, he still looked the same but not really. Like this wasn't the version of Jeno you once knew and loved.

"I just want to talk"

It took you a few seconds before you open the door, letting him in your apartment.

"I don't have anything to say to you, so make it quick" you tell him

"Well first, I'm sorry for that messy break up. You deserved more"

You cut him off, "I did, I do. I deserve more that being broken up over text message with a measly reason of you being tired. What exactly did you get tired of? Do tell, since you're already here"

"I felt like I was never going to be on the same page as you, you had everything planned out. You're so sure of yourself while I don't even know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I was afraid you're going to meet someone else out there and realize he's better than me"

"I told you I didn't care, that night I said I was ready to wait whatever it is you need to accomplish first. I was okay with learning everything with you. You're the one who closed that door. You're the one who walked away, you don't get to walk back and ask if we could do it again"

He looks at you with apologetic eyes. Once upon a time that would've made you crumble and say yes to whatever he bids. But just as you realize this isn't the Jeno from before, you're also not the person you used to be.

"If you told me that a year ago, I would've come running back to you. For days, weeks, months all I thought about was where did I go wrong. Many times I had to stop myself from saying I missed you until I realized I deserved more than that. It wasn't the wrong love at the wrong time, there's no such thing as that. I loved you at the right time, it was short but I was happy. But that was a memory ago, Jeno"

"So I really am too late" he shows a sad smile

"One day when you meet another girl and you tell her about your plans in the future, about making more memories, I hope that it's true. I hope you find her again" you smile at him.

Neither of you said much after that, he said his goodbye knowing that this time it really might be the last one. This time he knows you really finally let go. There was no one waiting for him.

When he walked out your door, you didn't feel sad in the way you just got your heart broken. You feel sad for the girl who cried so many nights, who asked if she was ever worth to love.

You cried for that version of you who was so ready to love and yet fate forbade her to.

Before it got too much, you decided to take a walk to clear your mind.

Your first thought was to call Haechan until you stopped yourself. It's unfair to unload this baggage on him. He doesn't deserve it. Even though he told you over and over again you can lean on you him you can never bring yourself to fully do so.

What you didn't know was Haechan already knew what was happening. A few days ago, Jeno approached him and asked him what was going between the two of you. It was weird since he wasn't that close with the guy.

It wasn't until Jaemin told him that you and Jeno used to date, it's like the puzzle pieces fell into place. You never directly told Haechan about him but he's sure Jeno is the reason and the guy behind all your stories.

He wanted to pay you a visit when he saw Jeno walking out of your building, getting in his car and driving away. Meanwhile Haechan stayed inside his car. Thinking and waiting for the moment until he saw you walking out with nothing in hand.

He already knew what was happening.

So many things running through his head at the moment. How he's so mad at Jeno for making you go through this again, how worried he is about you and how he just wanted to hug you while telling you everything was going to be okay.

But above all he was hoping you don't retreat back to your old self, he doesn't want you to feel like you need to suffer alone and let your emotions eat you from within.

Of course he can't let you walk alone this late at night, he quickly got out of his car. Following a few steps behind you to make sure you're safe.

He watch you enter the park and sit on one of the benches. For a while he just lets you be. He knows you needed a moment for yourself. You needed the quiet to clear your mind.

A minute turned into five, then turned into ten until thirty minutes have passed when he finally decided to approach you.

"I knew I'd find you here"

You don't move from where you were standing, still looking up the skies counting all the stars over and over again.

"You know if you want to get away, you can just ask me. I'll drive you anywhere, you had my worried" Haechan continues, still you didn't say a word to him

"I can go if you want, I just need to know you're okay" he adds

"Why are you here?" you finally speak, asking him

"I can't let you walk this late at night alone, I was looking for you all day too"

"Well you found me" you tell him

Haechan feels frustrated, he's not even mad anymore when you won't any of his calls or texts. Or when you suddenly disappeared without a word.

He had his fair share of arguements, his friends know he'll never back down until he can prove himself right. But with you he can't seem to fight back. And right now it feels like he's about to go into battle.

"You need to tell me how you feel, I'm trying to understand you but you won't let me. How long will you keep on running away from me?"

"Why are you tired? You think I'm hard to get to?" you ask, this time looking over at him.

He looks back at you, checking if you're okay. Apart from the obvious tiredness, he's glad to see you unharmed. Atleast that's one less thing he was to worry about.

You wait for him to say something, the two of you just looking at each other. Before he speaks, he shrugs his jacket off before throwing it over your shoulder. You know he's upset with you but he's still taking care of you.

He takes a deep breath before speaking, “Was that what all the boys before me said? that you’re hard to get? because they got you all wrong. You’re not hard to get, you’re easier to read than my favorite music sheet. I can tell just want you want to say before you say anything”

“Oh so now you’re an expert on me?” you stop him but he was quick to answer back, not yet ready to back down.

“Is that so bad? Is it such a bad thing to want to know you? I am trying to understand and know you. That says more than any of them. You’re not hard to get, you’re hard to earn and that's a thousand times better. You like ketchup beside your fries not on them, you hate summer because of the heat, you like your coffee cold even in the morning. You eat Nutella with a spoon but you don't like it on bread. If me talking my tongue off, following you until the soles of my shoes crumble, run until we run out of road I will not stop trying to earn you because that’s what you deserve. You deserve a man who will go the lengths and beyond for you. You’re not a girl anyone can get, you’re a girl only the worthy can earn”

Nobody has ever fought this hard for you, it's always you fighting for the person. For so long you felt like a lost cause, a mere stop along the way until Haechan came and made you feel like this was a trip worth going to. Like he didn't mind what the destination would be, all he wants is to be on this journey with you.

"And how long will you think that?" you whisper

Looking at you right now, Haechan can tell all fight just left you. And not in a bad way. Right now you're waving the white flag, surrendering your walls and maybe finally letting him in. So he takes this chance and leaped to give you what you needed to hear,

"Until you believe me, and even after that. Until all the flowers wither away, and they bloom again. I'll tell you over and over again until the day that when you think even for a second if you're worthy to love, you won't hear their voices but mine. You'll remember my words, me saying over and over again that you're worth to love, my love" he breaths out, with each word the distance between the two of you minimizing until the ends of his shoes touches yours.

"I'll tell you again and again, when you forget I'll look right into your eyes and tell you you're perfect enough" he whispers, resting his forehead against yours.

"Do I deserve this? Do I deserve you-" "Yes, yes you do"

Then he was kissing you, wiping every doubt every question away. Remembering how to fall in love, that warm feeling you only feel whenever he's around. When he smiles at you, when he greets you goodmorning and goodnight, when he holds your hand.

He kisses you like he's sealing a promise, right in this moment he didn't need anything else. It was perfect, nothing like he ever imagined because this is so much better.

When the two of you broke apart, he's smiling ear to ear

"I love you"

Like the first time you met, he just looks at you. This time with love in his eyes. Looking at you like you're the one who painted his skies, like you're the sun of his universe, like you're more than enough.

And to him, you are.

You are more than enough.

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