#i cant draw much lately :C

[kenchann]

some recent twst doodles

[mourninglamby]

you are older.

[xannerz]

roblox death noise

[lusalemaart]

[savannahsdeath]

call me silly but i cant stop thinking about hogwart au ellabs uhhh istg . i cant . also im pretty sure im the first one to make a hogwart au so please give ib if you want to make your own fic🤭 if im not the first one then sorry and please lmk who is !!

summary: you're roommates with your best friend and girlfriend, which don't seem to get along well.

﹒⪩⪨﹒

you and abby often wondered what's ellie doing in gryffindor, as the setting hat had doubts itself, wanting her to go to the slytherin for a split second.

"i mean, i'm happy she's with us." you quickly explained, realizing she might hear you through the bathroom door.

abby frowned, not looking away from her book. "oh, you are? and why, exactly?"

you laughed, leaning in to see what is she reading about, but she slammed the book shut with a loud bam! right in front your nose. "well, first of all, she's my girlfriend. self explanatory—"

"but... why?" she cut you off and sat up. "what do you see in her?" oh, you knew that one. it wasn't the first 'you deserve better' talk you had with abby. "wouldn't you rather to be with someone smarter, stronger and, i don't know, just... not a total loser?"

for a moment you sat there, so close to her your shoulders were touching, with your mouth parted and lips going dry. a moment passed as the door opened and ellie came out, sloppily wiping ruffling her wet hair with the towel. her gaze wandered between the two of you and she raised her eyebrow, but her obliviousness made her shrug the weird feeling off. "how much time do we have?" she asked, ignoring abby's presence, who just went back to reading her book.

"less than an hour." you annouced, getting up and taking the towel out of her hand, replacing it with a little bottle you picked up from your bedside shelf. "drink up."

"the fuck is that?" she twirled the unappetizing green liquid around the glass, noticing it's weirdly dense texture.

abby chuckled, winking at you as if to laugh at your low standards. "just listen to your girlfriend."

you smiled at the blonde girl before looking back at ellie. "it's going to rain, i don't want you getting sick."

"yeah, we don't want to hear you whining like a baby just because you catched a little cold." abby added, smirking as you gave her the stare. her comment passed by ellie's ears, not getting any reaction out of her.

she downed the potion in a few sips, wincing and letting you take the glass bottle out of her hands. she took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the taste. "i'd rather be sick." you giggled and rised on your tiptoes to reach her forehead, placing a loving kiss on it. she smiled for a second, before her face flashed with a grimace again. "wait— it's going to what?"

"it's going to rainnn" abby cooed, mercilessly but melodiously drawing out the vowels. you frowned, seeming to be the only one who doesn't see a reason to panic. yet, ellie was now pacing around the room, stopping to look outside the window. the clouds above the horizon were, in fact, dark blue, what predicted a downpour.

you came up to her, wrapping your hands around her tensed waist. "are you scared of some water?" you teasingly asked, nuzzling your head in the crook of her neck.

"that's not the point." she turned around, taking your hand and parting her lips. you just knew you'll probably spend the next minutes listening to the rules of quidditch, hopefully not enough to be late. "you see, when it rains, it's usually quite... foggy. pretty hard to see anything, yeah?"

"yeah, but..." you walked towards the bed, ellie following closely after. "slytherins won't see anything too, so it's fair, isn't it?"

she quickly shook her head and pursed her lips in a tight line, as if disappointed you don't get it. "someone gifted them special lenses. someone— i mean, anonymously, but everyone knows who it is. their captain's father." she stood in front of you as you sat down, fiercely gesticulating. "fucking bastards. they think money can solve everything... well, it kinda does but—"

"can you shut the f..." abby chimed in, deciding against cussing in the last moment. "...up. jesus, i'm just trying to study." she rolled her eyes as the attention was now on her.

"what are you even studying?" ellie walked closer to her, trying to see the book's cover through the blonde girl's pulled up knees, which she used to lean the volume on.

abby was quick to get defensive, closing the item as soon as she made sure the tab is on a right page. "none of your business."

"it doesn't look like one of our student's books at all..." ellie teased, tauntingly smiling as she got closer.

you sighed, taking a deep breath before speaking. "come on, els, we gotta go - get you ready and everything." you stood up and started rummaging through the drawers to think what should you take with you. ellie nodded and left your dorm, promising she'll wait for you before entering the quidditch's pitch.

"you really should go, it can be fun." you friendly nudged abby's shoulder, trying to keep your eyes away from the pages of her book, which seemed to attract your gaze and curiosity.

she looked up at you, visibly annoyed that she has to repeat it for the hundredth time. "that's not my thing."

that's not my thing.

yet, about fifteen minutes after the match started, you felt her warm presence next to you. she didn't say a word, probably too embarrased to admit she somehow got convinced to get her priorities wrong.

yet, you could hear her breath hitch when she saw your rivals score another point. no matter how hard the rain would hit her, soaking through her clothes, she'd calmly stand her ground and squint her eyes to see how bad the situation is.

yet, you eventually noticed she was holding her wand the whole time. and you noticed how her grip tightened as she mumbled a few words under her breath, inaudible because of the cheers. you couldn't believe it, but after a few minutes the clouds turned purely white and bright sun rays made people take off their coats. the same abby anderson, who always had to be the best student, not letting herself be distracted from studying just broke one of the school rules.

"you know you're going to have problems if anyone finds out?" you innocently looked up at her, gratefully smilling.

"then don't snitch on me." she shrugged, admiring the weather, which was her own creation.

yet, she made gryffindor win.

✧˖°

let me know if you want to see more!

[visionthefox]

ya know, I loovee seeying how people draw moon, how they view them, how diferent and similar he can be to many artist! I adore that sooo much!! yet I also cant help but feel a bit sad to the boyo.. I trully dont believe he is a bad guy!.. I totally see why the game made Moon is the harder one to beat, he is the tutorial as to show how one can beat the others robots, that the player can in fact do things around the plex! yet I believe he is a softie! a silly dude! someone that, just like Sun, is stricts on rules! but after getting infected, this "strict on rules" became a "scary strict" , the fact he is really focus on you, player, to sleep is because is WAY too late to be around! :C that raspy voice? while creepy when he is cheasing you, I also imagine is was a way he could sound eepy but funny! imagine him telling a story with a less raspy soft voice? his real voice! and because I believe in the idea that both worked in the teather, maybe Moonie played the "bad guy" kinda like roxanne is this "badass wolf" but is also a sweetheart! I see him being this dancer, who will play tag and those he gets must get comfy in bed-- I see him being so patient with the little ones, despite his looks (I imagine the red leds are part of his desing , as his plushie has a red eye, and not part of the virus) because just-- look at this!

mah boy is just silly silly! and a softie! thats is, that all I wanted to say, I know some ppl do see him as a softie too, but I dont find many fanart of softie moonie often.. (and I need to make more fan art like daaat) also I see him like roxy, while in main game she is mean to us, in ruin we see who she actually is! imagine the same on him! also I know in ruin he is more.. violent- but you wouldnt be if suddently you see a rulebreaker, and then your home catch fire, while you are forced to be this worst side of you? I see Moon growing more violent like monty, and roxy or chica! but being actually a softie like the rest! also I see Sun is infected too, that dude sounds desperate and too stress out to be normal..)

[marvelita85]

You were in rage you didn't want to believe it but it was true, Alicent and that C*nt Hightower has put Aegon in the throne

- we need to go and make them pay for this treason

- y/n our father wouldnt have want this, they have dragons too

- three we have more, besides only Vaghar and Sunfire i doubt Helaena would rise with her dragon to war, Caraxes and Darkshadow, Mealys

- and you will have to go against your brothers... only 2 dragons know about war and they have one of them

- he is an usurper and i dont have love for Aegon i never did

- Im not talking about Aegon sister... - you looked away knowing who she was refering too but no matter whst you felt about Aemond your mind and hesrt will always be with Rhaenyra

When Jacaerys and Lucerys offered themself to go send the mesage of the queen and their alligence you would fly too

-I'll go to Arryn, our mother was an Arryn they will be on our side, Lord Corlys Velaryon appeared and to your surpise declare to your sister full suport of the fleet and Drifmark was an ally

You saw your sister saying goodbye to her sons

- you take care of youselfs and Im not your mother so just come and hug me - Luke and Jace huged you and you close your eyes smiling - I'll see you when you come back... you flew part of the jorney with Jace, Vermax and Shadow together till you part ways

You werent there and it pained you but that pain soon become rage and you left Arryn when tou heard from your uncle that Like was dead and by the hand of tour brother who was too in stormend

He was flying with Vaghar when you appeared in the sky, he couldnt see you but he saw your dragon and even Vaghar was bigger Darkshadow was faster and deadlyyou turn knowing he would follow, you were ready to go and light king's landing up but you hesrd your sister when drsgon's go to war everything burn

- is it true? -you asked looking at him walking to you Vaghar was at a distance ftom Shadow and his footsteps heavy on the sand

- it was not on purpose... it was an accident...

- was it? - you hold your sword to his chest - tell me the truth Aemond... you killed Lucerys...

- it was Vaghar I coulnt make her respond to me... please sister you have to believe me...

- you coulnt control her...what were you doing in stormsend?

- to close a deal with Borros Baratheon...for my brother...

- so I imagine Lord Borros offered you one of his daughters?

- how would you know that...

- I just know... go and marry the whore of Stomsend, next time we see eachother again... we will be enemies and as you took my nephew's life for your eye, Im going to take yours

- you cant hurt me as much as I cant hurt you...

- you did hurt me, you never though about what would Luke's death mean to me to Rhaenyra's... in means war

- we can leave... to Essos... together...

- is too late for that Aemond... our desteny is already ser in motion... and I will probably die but I swear to you the Hightowers will desapear from this world and no memory of them will remain you make sure you tell your f*cking grandfather that he will be the first

- it didnt have to be this way... we could have been married and happy

- we could have, keep the blood pure as Targaryen do... but you are only half Targaryen and I cant marry my enemy - Aemond has an anguish look losing you was the last he would have wanted but for you Luke was the draw line you flew away from the beach leaving Aemond behind but your rage was somuch and flew over the plantations of kingslanding...

- dracarys... - you set them on fire and if they wanted a sign that you were saying the truth... now they knew

[mushiewrites]

Wake up brain is back in action Mushie!

So, I'll make it lee!George for you and lee!Dream for Llama

Sapnap telling Dream that George needs an exorcism after he says something extraordinarily mean. So he uses a pen to draw random symbols on George’s arms and forehead before shoving him onto his back so Dream can grab his arms. He then rather aggressively shakes George into the bed, yelling for the demon to get out of their friend. George makes a noise of surprise first before bursting into giggles at how silly the situation is. Sapnap claims the demon is laughing at them so he knuckles his ribs which gets him immediately screaming and thrashing like an exorcism No amount of pleading or bargaining convinced them to let him go, it's only when George begins to play along, shrieking out that he's been freed and the demon's gone now. They both back off and act relieved that it worked. Sapnap wipes away his tears and brings him up into a hug, George in a few seconds feels Dream behind him, sandwiching him in. The body heat comforting him. "You guys are idiots" is the last thing he says before falling asleep against Sapnap’s shoulder

omg sleepy.....do you just wake with ideas like this???? i wake up ideas too but not THIS detailed, holy cow. you are just....a genius in every way, sleepy 🥰

firstly, sap and dream are so extremely playful and george is just so wild that they would have so much fun in a scenario like this. because sap and dream would be holding him down, drawing random patterns everywhere they could reach (focusing on the extra tkly spots like his triceps and palms - he even feels his shirt lift and tks along his ribs that make him squeal). and george just has to lay there and.....take it. bc what is he gonna do, fight back? dream has both of his wrists held down to the bed!

and they start telling him he's possessed and they need to give him an exorcism NOW before it's too late!!!! george is screaming and laughing and thrashing and it's just complete chaos as sapnap fights to throw his leg over george's waist to straddle him. but george is squirming so much dream has to hold his wrists in one hand for a second before leaning forward to place his hand on george's stomach. he has to push on it lightly so his body stays down on the bed long enough for sap to finally take his place on george's hips

when george gets cackling from how ridiculous this whole situation he is sapnap just gasps in fake offense, quickly rubbing his knuckles against george's ribcage. and george screams and howls and laughs and he's in hysterics because it tks SO FUCKING BAD and he cant handle it!!! he doesn't know what to do besides scream and thrash and kick. he can hear dream and sapnap, giggling and still shouting this back and forth to each other about how possessed he is and how they need to "rid george of the demons!"

eventually george can't take anymore. sapnap has been rubbing into his ribs and kneading into his sides and soon enough he feels sapnap's thumbs drilling into his hips. he shrieks and just goes "OKAY OKAHAHAY I'M C-CUHUHURED! I'M NOHOHOT P-POSSEHEHESSED ANYMOHOHORE!". finally sap and dream take pity on him and he feels sap wipe the tears off his cheeks. he hadn't even realized he was crying bc of how hard he was laughing, but it warmed his heart that sap paid enough attention to comfort him that way.

george would let himself be cuddled and squished and squeezed because fuck, he deserves it after that torture. and of course he calls them idiots before he falls asleep in the little cuddle pile ):

[moldwood]

i have 15 minutes before my work day starts, so why not have some reflections on 2023 for the lunar new year since my zodiac the dragon returns to me ☀️

PASSION

at the very end of the year, i did something i had always wanted to do and stepped down from work into a substitute position so i could focus on my art. it has been... slow, but i think it was the right move. whenever im not making something, i really cannot stand life. of course, i wont be able to stand it if i cant eat either, so well see how things turn out by the end of this year. i do think i need to get some art priorities in order, because im jumping around between a lot of projects which means theyre all getting done very slowly. i need to start focusing on one thing at a time, i think, but i really am enjoying the new stronger presence art has in my life.

MOOD

i really feel better than ever in regards to myself! most likely due to the aforementioned outpouring of passion into things ive wanted to do for YEARS. for the past few years, ive been a bit more aware of everything going on in my head than when i was a teen since i was still processing a lot of trauma, so ive been letting myself have a bit more slack on the rope in terms of "acting out of character" if that makes any sense. having a solid personality isnt something i really worry about since i know your sense of self is always shifting in every circumstance, but there were just some ways i never acted before that i let myself try on, find out its not for me, and then i end up feeling even more solid in who i am since i know what im not. i always knew i wasnt a giggly, happy-go-lucky person, but now i know that i can feel that way when i really really like someone. laios im talking about laios i have to be honest.

FRIENDSHIP

i think its my own personal failing that i overlook red flags from friends and try to make excuses for their behavior up until its too late and i have trouble not realizing that giving them an open space to be themself away from the world and support isnt enough to change that some are the type of people who are just looking for an excuse to think poorly of you anyway. i dont think im an overly kind person who will coddle someone being bad to me or a friend, but i definitely dont put my foot down enough. it happens in minor ways, but it happened in a major way again recently. if i had a dime for every time it turned into something severe, i would have two dimes. eight years apart and i let someone do the same thing, just minus suicide baiting me this time

tldr a friend of a friend sent that friend some stuff and it turns out that a friend who is no longer a friend turned into an islamophobe or at least started following islamophobic accounts and is very... delusional about the whole friendship + the kind of people we are + how we thought of him + really just wanted to think the worst of us and felt now he had a reason. we didnt read much more and felt no need to. its for the best that it's over, though, i think. he really was like that the whole friendship and didnt put any value on the things i/we did for him because it was never enough, which i knew the whole time but ignored because i thought if i did enough it would be enough, which leads me to:

i have been focusing more on loving my friends lately in the wake of that. i always have, though im not very vocal/chatty, so ive always shown it in my own way through giving drawings and gifts whenever im able. im never worried that i dont have a place in their lives, and im trying to worry less about the disconnect between how im thought of vs how i am. i think more what i am focusing on now is that i was always a very busy person, so while my friends were always very important to me, i want to do even more to show that since i want them to be sure of it. i dont have much time for any more projects, but i want to make sure they know i would do all i can for them outside of just drawing. i think this will help a bit with feeling more comfortable saying when i think something theyre doing isnt chill to me since the feeling would Hopefully go from me being bossy to me being just looking out for them being their best selves/not letting myself be misunderstood which just happens bc i dont talk very clearly not out of any lack of caring (there is a jumbled mess between my head and my mouth)

i also want to try to make new friends, or at least new acquaintances. theres a few people (mutuals 🥴) ive really wanted to talk to more, but i never know what to say. which makes sense, since i dont even talk with my friends all that much, usually only just whatever comes up in the current conversation in vc. autism damned. that boy cannot hold a conversation for his life. but maybe drawings are the way to go. my hands are all ive got IN SUMMARY

there are more thoughts and i dont have time to reread + word everything all nice because i have to work now. it is all a rambling train of thought mess. BUT tldr: life is really good right now and i feel more solid in the friendships im keeping and i am excited for my future art endeavors now that the last thing i was waiting for (the mixing palette!!!) came in. of course friendship is the longest section its the most important thing to me. anyway dreams for the year quickly ummmmm

✦ i want to learn how to use gouache. i have it! but i have to wait till i get a few projects out to get started. i think this will be very fun and very good for me because its been so long since ive played with a new medium ✦ i want to get better at small talk. how is the weather? do you like this type of weather? what type of weather do you like? what do you like to do when it is that type of weather? ✦ i want to visit prague to see if moving there would be good + feasible. my mom and half sister want to take a trip there, so i really hope that pans out and we can all go! ✦i want to work through my moral ocd about opening up a patreon/kofi and selling merch. people wouldnt subscribe if they didnt already have the money to. it doesnt matter if i make and sell 40 acrylic charms that are plastic and bad for the environment, taylor swift takes a private jet for a 20 minute car ride. ✦ i want to reach a higher fluency with arabic. its hard to find time to practice with my huge workload, so i think once i get better at time management with the projects, i can devote my mornings to a lesson a day and make better progress. ✦ lastly ig i want to try more new foods. i have been for the past several years, but i still am not the best at having good food consistently. im too busy right now to cook every day, so again i guess when i get better at time management between projects and life, i can devote some time in the week to meal prep + cooking good food. thank you laios dungeon meshi for reinforcing this. i already knew it but now theres a hot boy telling me it

2024 the year of more wahoooooo more taking more giving more drawing more cooking more dreaming more sun in the summer

[eruhatesu]

So sorry for the late replies on my asks :c

1) work is really eating my ass up recently ~ I cant draw as much too

2) idk why but my notifs isnt showing new asks I receive :<

[eirian]

yknow i was thinking about it and. my art style...

ive been kinda struggling with it lately. i had a portfolio review recently that basically told me i needed to use a completely different art style (which i wanted to do--i wanted to get rid of my stephen silver influence, or at least enough to where it wasnt blatantly obvious he was my biggest inspo. i wanted my own voice) if i wanted to get a job in the industry and work on a show.

however, now that im thinking of becoming an indie comic creator and self publishing comic books, im wondering...if that matters as much now? if i go the comic artist direction, will people care if my art looks similar to stephen's in a way?

what i mean is, for example, villain + school has a very danny phantom-esque type style. ive been taking a sort of hiatus from working on it bc i wanted to focus on another style right now, but i didnt know what to do about coming back to it--do i keep the style, or change it completely? what if i still really enjoy using that art style?

i want to draw in lots of different styles of course! thats not rly the issue. im just like..concerned about what style i put the most of my focus into anymore, yknow? the style ive been using lately? or do i use my old cartoony style again b/c i wouldnt be aiming for an industry job anymore?

its a bit confusing haha. i think deep down i know the answer but i cant say for certain. like, what i THINK is the answer is that if i really want to go into comics instead of studio character design then my art style is completely up to me and i dont have to conform to a studio standard anymore. but i cant say for certain yet

[hey-its-cweepy]

A/N: ... Okay so this was going to be a drawing, but on top of the fact that its night time rn- drawing + coloring all the panels is kinda a pain in the butt and my hand still sorta hurts (EVOLNATION OC WILL COME OUT TOMORROW I SWEAR- I JUST NEED TO DRAW THEM-)

IM NOT THE BEST AT WRITING SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF ANYTHING OOC-

Mellow belongs to @fumikomiyasaki! Also Im sorry if Im getting annoying with pinging and stuff... This is getting long-

--------------------------------

Momo ran through the halls after being scared over and over after getting a little lost during the halloween event. Tears ran down her face as she just finished scrambling out of the previous location, being scared from the costumed students.

Once she was far enough, she sat down on the ground with her knees to her chest as she quietly sobbed to herself.

"... Dallas was right, Im so pathetic..." She sniffled to herself "... I c-cant do this... M-Maybe I should just head back to the dorm a-and pretend I was s-sick or s-something..."

Mellow seems to have been passing by after fulfilling another task, about to return to his respective dorm before hearing her quiet cries as he steps in, concerned.

"M-Momo? A-Are you alright?... Did... Something happen?..."

Momo flinches a bit in surprise, quickly trying to wipe away her tears as she looks up at him, trying to not make it obvious she was crying but it was too late.

"M-Mellow! U-Um... I-Its nothing, I swear! I'm... I'm just a little t-tired b-but Im fine" Momo has always been a terrible liar...

Mellow seems to only grow more concerned as he hesitantly sits next to her, his cheeks having a small hint of blush to them.

"Momo, i-if something's wrong, p-please tell me... I w-want to help you..."

"I-I... I..." Momo sighed as she looked away from Mellow and down at the ground, about to start crying again "... Im just b-being a baby... Everyone's just d-dressed in costumes b-but... I dont kn-know its just-... So s-scary..." Momo curls up a bit more with a sniffle.

"H-Hey, you're n-not a "b-baby" for being s-scared... I can s-stay here with y-you for a bit to help you c-calm down if you w-want..."

Momo looks back up at him, a bit caught off guard by the offer "S-Stay here? B-But... But wh-what about your d-dorm?..."

"Im... Im sure they can h-handle a few m-minutes without me... B-Besides... I want to m-make sure you're alright.."

Momo still seems a little surprised by the response as she uncurls herself a bit. "Th... Th-Thank you... M-Mellow..."

She hesitantly scooted a bit closer to him, one of her fingers nervously reaching out to hold his hand, her face a bit red from both crying and the fact that she's touching his hand. Mellow's soft blush becomes more evident as he slowly yet gently holds one of her hands.

"D-Dont w-worry about it... I w-want you to b-be okay..."

Momo appreciated his company but seems very hesitant to do anything more than hand holding... Mellow doesn't really mind as he's also too nervous to advance any further than hand holding.

As time went on, Momo seemed to have mostly calmed down as she stands up despite being a little shaky.

"Th-Thank you, r-really... B-But... I... I th-think I... H-Have to go back..." Momo didnt really want to go back, but she knew she had to if she wanted to go back to her dorm.

"I-I'll... I'll go with y-you..." Mellow gently squeezed her hand as he stood up with her, Momo's face blushed more "... Th-Thank you s-so m-much Mellow... I-I... I r-really a-apreciate th-this..."

"You r-really dont n-need to thank me for th-this... L-Let's go... T-Together..."

Momo and Mellow continued to hold hands as they made their way around the school, with Mellow comforting Momo anytime a student scared her (intentionally or not)

[bougiebutchbitch]

Hi the one from ao3 raod trip story again. Forgive me for the late other ask I have been walking around the house in my fire boots.

I'm glad you are keeping my first ask close to you! And no worries about the well wishes, i just want to make sure you are fine and not over working yourself.

You draw them with such beautiful eyelashs, mainly kid kakashi!.

And I do understand how it can be quiet a toll and how much hard work it is. I used to draw alot of art when I was in school, it took up alot of time. I am now just posting random writings online but that also takes a long time.

Now the main reason i am in my fire boots. When team 7 is placed on that C mission I see Kakashi is walking around on his tippytoes, almost like someone shoved a stick up his ass.

So i've been trying and struggling to see if he just cant bend his ankles or what ever. I have come to the consuiotion that I need answers cause my feet now hurt from trying. But there is many possiblties on why he walks how he walks.

Idk maybe Gai got to him the day before

you are so so so lovely!! Thank you. I gotta know which C mission this is though??? I wanna see the tippytoe man! I hope you find the energy to keep creating <3

[mean-hare]

august and september parts of my eddiary, as shitty as always but I need to put these notes somewhere so let it be here

part 4

august, 1 i had a lot of energy and almost no appetite. i cleaned my room, rearranged toys, watched movies, and even talked with danny. unusually good day

august, 2 i cant find my fav cheap and tasty 0kcal cola-like soda. now i should spend my money on more expensive cola to drown my inner self in it

august, 3 actually i spend money my mom give me. i have no job and maybe never will have. i am too nervous, too mad, too inacurate and too depressed for it. all days long i only draw shit, watch movies and go to market to spend money on junk foodd to harm my body or to throw up and on drinks to replace food with them. sometimes i buy toys or stickers but most of time theyre way too expencive

august, 4 i watched stupid comedy film with lot of stereotypic cliches and draw danny in various clothes and poses. i dont think ill show him, it looks like he dont want to talk with me again. our friendship may lookunhealthy but the only guy who blame and harm me there is me myself

august, 5 i woke up after 1hour long sleep, i used to sleep in late morning hours but today i couldnt. me and my mom arrived by the bus to the beregszasz town. its pretty close to the hungarian border and many people there talk in hungarian. i love it i dont really remember what i ate but not too much i think. i was feeden by emotions of homelike language. and also i wanted an energy drink all the time and finally got it

august, 6 days in town were and will be full of eating like a human being i think. i try to feel myself alright and try tasty meals in cafe. i love cafes. palacsintas, waffles, icecream, milkshakes, pizza. i walk with fluffy doggy bagpack, i have notebook and water in it. this child just need to have fun

august, 7 my mom realised how much energy drinx i drink per day and she doesnt like it

august, 8 i walked alone aimlessly down the hot towns streets with a can in my hand. streets was empty most of time. just one grumpy man called me an animal while walked in opposite direction. i donk know what he meant by that. and some granny said to me "its so hot, eh". i draw ppls attention to myself involuntary, as always

august, 9 wow much zero coke i drank here! there was a market with the cheapest cola cans i ever saw in past 3 years

august, 10 i just hope that many hours of intense sweating and headbanging to breakcore in headphones while sitting in hurrying bus back to a city burns a lot of calories but i cant stop it anyways

august, 11 still not enough sleep, overwhelmed by all the information i wanted to consume (pointless but interesting) few minutes ago, gnawed by a loneliness online and offline, all this shit led me to (obviously!) very stupid binge

august, 12 lived this day not better nor worse, just average boring

august, 13 hey you. they created a big pack of chips for a big merry company, not for lonely asshole with eating problems like you

august, 14 corpsey greenish moon gazing thru the night haze, pale as pus, menacing like in dying

august, 15 i walked down to the market to buy cheap icecream and cheap cola. bazaar near it was closed due to evening hours and there were no people on the ways between the iron and concrete walls. somehow liminal

august, 16 things went not perfect but better that could be. i decided to spend last money on energy drink instead of bag of cornflakes

august, 17 i started my day with nausea because of sound of fucking drills (my mysophonic panic), found and ate some pain killers, burned my mouth with spicy junk dinner and pointlessly fooled around my room till morning affected by another bunch of cola and energy drink

august, 18 i bought a pink plastic horse. brutal metalhead in toyshop looks hilarious. brutal metalhead who buys pink horsey looks very hilarious. i saw this toy almost year ago and i couldnt forget here sinse then. that mare looks special. most toys has neutral faces or slight calm smile on them. but that sassy gal had really bitchy moody face with grinned teeth. and finally i got her and feel no regrets. at least i knew what i want.

august, 19 i was at first time in little village house my dad bought for himself. it was simple boring house with almost no furniture beyond the kitchen and i think it never will be interesting because my dad loves stupid boring monochroom minimalistic design with wooden details. parents, sister and their friend went to a backyard to roast sausages. i dont eat meat so all the time i read library book or played with lil green car toy i found in this house

august, 20 you know who am i? i am a person who dont look like one who has an ed. i am a boy who look like a girl. am i? i trust the liars and suspect when people tell me the truth. im looking like cool adult with interesting life but im still that ugly child who feels itself the worst way posiible everyday.

august, 21 im into gabber music sometimes and i think it would be fun to learn hakken dance. i also want to dance tectonic, c walk, lezginka and csardas. but i dont know how to and dont think i can do in. i like dancing sometimes. but my body often feels to heavy and clumsy to move

august, 22 i failed. but at least i tried. but how i failed!

august, 23 parents leaved this city before ukrainian independence day because they thought that russia will throw much more bombs here and my mom was afraid. i stay because i dont want to go with them and better spend time here with movies and tumblr than in their boring little village with them for 2 days long. so i chilled all day along with few liters of caff drinx and little annoying kitten

august, 24 it was another chilling day alone. i bought some drinx again (but one l less than yesterday bc i a little nauseous of already consumed caffeine), i even find a little purple cheap pony toy and bought it. today was really more air alarms than other days but as i know nobody was killed (i may be wrong, i dont watch news)

august, 25 this normal late night i was ready to drowse with john frusciante songs in cold laptop light but suddenly i saw some movement on my bed. i saw one tiny TIC. i dont afraid insects but the tics. they are the main reason why i almost never walk in the forest. today i even didnt go anywhere but this little shit somehow appeared here. i took a piece of paper, kill and throw into a sink. im shocked

august, 26 i had one little job of redacting one little text. (i cant even call it freelance job, it was more like accident job) anyway i got some little money and spent it all on a toy. beautiful blue plastic toy dog. and unique rare (in this country) energy drink in beautiful 500ml can. im so glad, i smiled like an idiot all day. so cute doggyyyyy…. but now i have no money and no food

august, 27 my mom was concerned that i eat nothing but the junkfood. well i dont find other food tasty and dont want to choke on awfull tasting meal. parents went to the bazaar while i sleep (before 3 pm) and bought the boring fruits and disgusting vegs. now kitchen stinks because of beefroot

august, 28 i buyed pepsi black, cheap blue erergy drink bottle and some little wafers. when i went back some 12yo(i guess) teens laughed at me because i had an "emo" pin. i am probably the only emo in this city, its kinda sad

august, 29 my dear friend danny despise and rejects me. im going to starve myself to death

august, 30 i will never be ready for the cruel words from the last person i love. i cant stay sane after that.

august, 31 i watched the famous film "pianist". theres a melody the main character plays, chopins nocturn do diez minor or something like that. i cried because danny loves this melody. just because of that. stared with teary eyes at the screen, then tears went dry, i forgot about everything and watched that movie. and at the end he played that nocturn again. and i cried again, i couldnt stop, i cried till the end of the movie, cried after the end, cried painfully endlessly and was disgusted by my reaction. i watched a beautiful and sad film about loss and real suffering completely tearless but cried like an idiot just because of that damned melody just because my cruel friend loves it.

part 5

september, 1 sadness, yearning and envy driving me bad, my thin body will be a product of pain and limbo

september, 2 my dad is sick and stay at this house. i dont leave my room mostly. i dont want to be in same room with him. not that he is so bad, most of ppl considers him as good man. he just exhaust me without knowing it, we like a different species that cant live together without problems

september, 3 autumn is always fast in this city and september started with cold weather as always. i took a long walk. i love long walks when its cold and dusky, i just need money to buy something at the middle and end of my way. it makes me confident. i walked near the park that everybody call "a forest", i walked near abandoned shacks that once were paychecks, i swinged on wet swings and i felt better than yesterday (tbh i cant remember how i felt yesterday). i found a market near the "forest" there were many foreign items. i bought few cans of drinks and realised that only one had calories. i also boulgt a clipper. i dont smoke, i just love flame and that clipper was cool, black, with skull and "love dead" written under it. thats so relevant and relitable shit for me, even that funny mistake is symbolical

september, 4 i cant concentrate on reading, on every thing, everything is blurry, my head isnt working right, my stomach is hurting all day

september, 5 successfully restricted. i found the place where hobos live. theres some concrete blocks near the school and small church. i bought few drinx and sat on blocks to chill and drink one of them (one with watermelon taste) and then i hear harsh voise underneath these blocks: "fucking teens! get the fuck out from here!!"

september, 6 i saw so perfect boy working in the market. how thin he was and how delicate. i bought few cool zero cal drinks: barr soda with icecrem taste, cola, foreign cherry lemonade. i saw him once, he is cashier there, his name is volodimir and thats all i know about him. he reminds me lead singer of emo band marakesh, he doesnt looks alt at all but he is thin like an anorexic emoboy. i like him not judt because of it, he isnt just another thinspo stranger. i think about him constantly. i feelin like i love him and its stupid, very stupid. i dont know him and i dont think id talk with him someday, i am too bad for people, unatractive. and i dont talk. i am silent always.

september, 7 i only drank some dairy and took random quizes on idrlabs. almost all of them told me that i have mental problem

september, 8 i went to the market with my dad. it was wery strange, liminal experience. there were not many items and almost no people around. it was 9:30 pm. of course i binged (first time this week) but it was not the worst of my binges, and i throwed up some of it. perhabs it was tiring. my back hurts now.

september, 9 ate the rest of snacks and cokes and feelin really shit

september, 10 every day is so same, timewasting, tumblr and movies, day after day and times goes by so senseless, and what should i do, what else can i do? you are lucky if you have friends, if you have someone to spend some time with.

september, 11 its something like an instinct of bear. i bought sweet and greasy food but ate only bag of chips and 4 cookies. soon i felt asleep in unusual early hours, 10 pm or something like that, just lied under blanket in sweater and socks and jeans, i didnt take my clothes off. im feeling cold everyday and sleepy

september, 12 i drank low cal milk and black tea. then i ate jogurt with plums. and again milk. 900 kcals i started this dusky day with movies, not really good ones. then i just browsing aimlessly. talked with my friend danny. thought that he maybe loves me despite some of some of his earlier very mean messages, today he was kind. i send him pic of hobo who lays on concrete under the blanket and hugs his dog and wrote "we?". he answered "we". i said ":3". he also said ":3 i want to sleep more

september, 13 i wanted to eat nothing today but then i wanted to eat something and its bad. only good thing is my mom learned how to make low fat fries

september, 14 i woke up and ate homemade cookies and i even dont know their kcal values then i fall asleep. then i woke up and only drank tea and watched boring movie. im ill, i cant think

september, 15 good things: i restricted i found funny gypsy song about weed danny said something fummy to me (i forget what) i watched "the boys" bad things: i feel shit every minute my memory is getting worse and i forget everything (i forget)

september, 16 im sick. im cold. im coughing. im always irritated. every fuckin day i wake up in sweat, eat too much, feel like a shit and almost dead

september, 17 warm homemaid plain food, milk with honey, hot tea. common things. i probably loosing many calories when coughing that hard. it feels like someones heavy boots strongly kicking my ribcage

september, 18 spicy chips was the only food i didnt regret after consuming it. surprisingly it made my sore throat less sore for some time and made the pain weaker. but other food was ugly mistake, used again to fill that permanently rotting void, all in vain

september, 19 today after piglike eating i understood that every time i try to eat vegan it ends up with massive gross binge. maybe veganism is not an option for person who hate every vegan food option but few fruits that cant make body full

september, 20 mmy belly scrached by all the claws of mine, painted in shiny dark color. i will never be normal or alright, i kmiw it well.

september, 21 i am eaten by sorrow. i am gnawed by grief. why dont you understand me, dont you mind. why dont you listening to me?

september, 22 i wasnt in my room all day from 11 am til 9 pm. it started with a sound of drill and i leave the house bc i cant stand yhe sound of drill. it was there all that time so i couldnt back. i bought cheap bottle of blue energy drink in local market and went to auchan. it located at the very city edge. i walked familiar path thru the field when suddenly there appears the huge fuck. the fucking giant bog spot. it took me half of hour to find my way through. but i did it and i came to the market with boots full of mud and singing the cotton head joe i needed to waste more time so i walked many shops with toys, books, decor art supplies and other. then i spent some money for diet cheap cream soda, energy drinks, some little sweets, black nail polish and spicy chips. i sat at the 1 floor, ate chips and read book from library about pianist with heterohromia. then i walked down the trace down the one of the longest streets in this city. my backpack was heavy because of few litres of drinks, books and notebooks and ome other unknown items. i walked near the bus station where were many people and fat mongrels wanted to sniff me. then i walked in unknown part of the road, lost behind plattenbauen. there were bricks and trees and weird wet trees (today every plant was wet) and cat. i saw one very ugly and attractive buildind, i cant explain why it makes me like that. it looked like theres livevery marginalized and wrathful people and it looked like it slightly burned some time ago. i am obsessed with this one now. i walked those unknown beutiful decaying post soviet streets sometimes stopped to take photos and drink and the sky became darker and more gray. the sky became dark evening. and it started to rain, the downpur. i still walked that longest streets but i turned to its more popular and lighted part and waited for the bus at the buss stop. i was a little tired by the weight of my bag, i could walk some more but i didnt really liked the idea to wear wet clothes when 5 km far from my room. so i returned by the bus. when i walked last few metres to my house i quickly became wet and rain was pouring the rest of the day and all night long

september, 23 another boredom shopping and boredom eating, nothing new. my legs still hurt after yesterday i talked with one guy online about my yesterday walk and i searched that fucked building in google maps and found it. i also tried to find some information about it or at least photos but found nothing but the ad about selling room and private massage salon that may be no longer exist. i started feel paranoic feeling that theres something hiddden there. i thought that someones hides it, maybe to cover places that may be considered by strangers as repulsing, ugly, revolting, to show only fine, good or at least ok=ish places of the city. some may show some good buildungs in bad state with "the dark side of the city" and "scary and dangerous places in lviv" but it will still be something pop and plain and known. i feel that many dont know and dont find and some are hide.i feel that theres something tremedous in That building, something that should be found and shown, something that hidden by someones. i still feel that. well, i can be right or it can be just my paranoia or delusion.

september, 24 too many liquid calories.but also activities to burn it. i was in the countryside today where my grandfather live. i was climbing trees, picking fav sour apples, stinged by nettle, gathering wallnuts, shivering at cold autumn evening. some new bruises on my knees, it feels like a childhood

september, 25 i talk with danny, my last friend. i know that he is not really good friend but i have no one by my side. he is the only person who makes me feel loved even if in rare. sometimes he kind. sometimes he tries to understand what im sayin, sometimes he tries to be a good friend. i still love him. anyway i am much worse friend than him

september, 26 very gross binge on healthy food 1

september, 27 very gross binge on healthy food 2. fuck the healthy food

september, 28 i saw my almost naked body in the mirror at night when went to the bathroom. i was shocked by how ugly i am. i dont want to see it again. now i dont take my clothes, i sleep in jeans and sweater. i didnt wash myself for few weeks because seeing this body naked is really awfull and i cant stand it. i know its gross but i dont even contact with people so who cares. i hide my body from myself under clothes, i avoid looking in the mirrors and reflections. i dont want to see this body, i dont wwant myself.

september, 29 i dont remember what i ate thru tis day, but not too much i think. kitten ronald felt from the window. my mom ran down and pick he up. he is scared and meows painfully sometimes cus he broke his leg. he will be taken to the vet.

september, 30 average day. average restriction, average food intake bc theres so much normal food. average time killing. i dont feel good, nor bad. i dont feel…i dont care about anything, just nothin

[mrmeatys]

idk if i can rly thrust myself back into fantrolls rn not bc i wouldnt be able to but bc everytime i do it takes up a LOT of my time and thinking and now just isnt the best time for that HOWEVER!!! im trying to get back in touch with my art and molly is a good muse for it so i will try to molly post here teehee,,,, mite use her blog again who knows! 

but my personal art that i feel is what i truly want to do has a lot to do with fantasy or horror themes, romantic eroticism and like softcore type stuff based on intimacy and love which is a big new step for me i dont typically go for pieces including this or practice much for it so i want to start, and most importantly id reckon transness and trans bodies including myself i like to draw myself it makes me feel more at home in my body when i do. molly will work great and ill get into drawing more of my fantasy ocs too if im lucky.. 

anyways im still pretty active on my mail @kittyelfs and u can find me there easier but i miss u guys and i miss the community so even tho i cant be super fantrolly right now i hope that ,maybe some of u would understand or relate to what i look for in my art and maybe we can talk about it or just ocs... im working on my social skills a lot more lately and finally have irl friends so ive been spending my time getting to know them and stuff but im open to more online too c:

[wrestlezon]

liveblog containment zone for aew dynamite 6/29/22

i was too busy being in a bad mood to remember blood and guts was today so im 5 minutes late but let me tell you: my crops have been watered and my skin is flourishing within 2 minutes of starting it. there are good things in life...

THEY!!!!!!! GOT JANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING I WANTED i was SO sad at the ppv you WOULD NOT BELIEVE who on earth is-- thats not brandon culter oh my god LMAO your OUTFITS OH!!!!!!!!! CHUCK IS HERE TOO!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING I WANT!!!!!! dan lambert ousting my boys from ringside??? i hate you, dan lambert. i hate you so much you are my mortal enemy second only to tony "there will not be a trent vs yuta match" khan though i do prefer lambert doing this kind of heel activity instead of bigot style heel activity jane... lambert holding orange juice... dont tease the indie orange cassidy days at me you monsters. my heart cant take it ethan page is looking extremely. bronzed right now. someone left him in the oven a bit too long orange looks so small being carried in his arms. im just making normal observations here was that a hurricarama or a total faceplant. ouch "finish this guy! he looks like hes 12 years old!!" yeah ive heard that one before OHHH ORANGE JUICE REAL the setup was kinda forced but i'll take it oh the best friends came back!! :)c yaaaaaay

nature is healing

oh im almost caught up to live now since i got to skip the commercials

christian cage time. whats he gonna say OMG WHAT THE. evil luchasaurus??? OH NO!!! HES GOING TO KILL SERPENTICO!!!!!!! LMFAO luchasaurus is so evil now!!!!!!!!! NOOO SERPENTICO!!!!!!

gunn club and max caster vs danhausen and ??? i wonder who danhausen got. i hope its the best friends LMAO NEVERMIND FTR IS GOOD TOO HAHAHHAHA remind me to put a screencap of bowen's anguished face in here later oops i got distracted during this match. im going to restream this show later so i'll backfill it

omg bowens... the gunn bros and the acclaimed are fighting DISOWNED BY FATHER... OHHHHH

jade cargill! to be honest im kinda soured on this whole deal w/ the baddies cuz like. i think itd be cool if sonny kiss was with them. :( sorry. ive been reading tweets (i shouldnt be)

oh man this main event is gonna be hella long huh excalibur, with a straight face: the only reasonable thing to do, of course. is to lock everyone in a steel cage oh my god the JAS and their red mesh shirts? ugh!! lmao are they-- are they really commercial breaking us right in the middle of this eddie and pnp!! :)c yuta and claudio! moxley is such a cool guy. he will always get his solo entrance from the back taz: right there is chris jericho who prides himself in his men ok whoa did eddie fistbump claudio. professional of him. i guess he had time to calm down since the ppv sammy and his funny little rope hops oh maybe eddie was cool with claudio because he offered to go up first and deal with the 2v1. LMAO lol claudio cracking his knuckles. got his work cut out for him sammy and garcia huggin it out. ok i think if you can draw claudio, miro, and trent standing next to each other and have them all look like themselves instead of each other then you will have proven your strength and ability as an artist. they are all bald and have the same kind of beard. yuta time!!! is yuta's special signature move chain-suplexes. its a good signature moxley time! :)c omg claudio just rising into frame like a zombie first blood! garcia gettin forkstabbed look at all this blackpool combat club coordination. theyre doing so well... >_> i hope uh... this doesn't change... when eddie and his gang enter lmao parker trying to run. hes scurrying are jericho and eddie gonna be the last two to enter...? every time i see ortiz i forget that he got balded. moxley breaking out the tacks-- OH ITS GLASS blood and guts! blood and guts! matt menard enters! i guess jericho eddie really ARE gonna be the last two to enter... NOT THE SKEWERS!!!!!!!!! AHHH MOXLEY TURNING THIS INTO A DEATHMATCH yuta and garcia having a slapfight while moxley is being choked by a barbed wire bat lmfao i love the cuts to eddie. theyre great EDDIE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO JUST SWIPING PEOPLE AWAY WITH HIS KENDO STICK UYEAHHAAHHA SET HIM ON FIRE dude with the amount of cuts and blood wounds right now, rubbing alcohol would SUCK to get poured on you. even without the fire jake hager getting tabled that. is so many tacks oh my god i was distracted by the ring being deconstructed-- how did that dude get outside did yuta get slammed onto tacks oh no!!! jericho used rubbing alcohol attack on moxley!! oh no!!! tacks!!!!!!!! okay i knew moxley reached up to bite jericho there on the ropes but that just looked like a russian taunt EDDIE... LMFAO JERICHO WANDERING INTO THE OTHER RING HE IS STANDING ON THE GIANT CARTOON RED X ON THE GROUND omg tay conti killed the ref to steal the key ruby soho on the scene!! (lmao taz called her riott--) jericho climbing. why dude i would never be able to climb up on a steel cage. its so high. thats so scary!

EDDIE man what is going to happen here. chekov's peeled ring lays beneath omg what a toss. of course sammy would do it eddie crawling towards jericho... is.... ummmmmmmmmmmmmm lol. slap exchange... walls of jericho.... CLAUDIO... HMMM... !!! WOW OH FUCK OFFF NOOOOOO WHAHTHUGAGHUGHUHHG THE SWING ON TOP OF THE CAGE??? noooOOOOOOooOOO MATT MENARD DOING MOVES ON TOP OF THE CAGE? NO oh my goodness... eddie and claudio submitting dudes on top of the cage side by side? thats cute Ohhh... menard tapped out... eddie didnt get his victory eddie is so disappointed lol moxley is prolly gonna be like "whats the big deal. u won" NO MOXLEY ITS NOT ENOUGH

oh i love this. eddie gets his win but it is wholly (personally) unsatisfying. he raised claudio's hand... i definitely got my eagle eyes on this. im looking directly at the both of them. if they so much as sideeye each other i will be on it