#i do a lot of historical reading for my degree and every time something from the 1870s onward is mentioned or brought up i think of him

[anghraine]

My Rings of Power re-watch is continuing slowly now that I have more time (though not always more attention span for anything except games, thanks dissertation -> my mother nearly dying -> getting COVID). But one of the things I'm really enjoying about Galadriel in ROP is that it doesn't always frame her as the wisest and most insightful person in every interaction she has, and in fact it is clear that she's fucking up in very significant ways because of how hard and relentless she's become through her eons of suffering and her determination to exact a price for it. She is not well!

However, she is nevertheless right about some very important matters that most people don't want to see, and she's being condescended to by men of her people who are much younger, less experienced, and less correct than she is, and it's continually emphasized that she is the most individually powerful and competent Elf around regardless of any of this and that her fuck-ups, while disastrous, are cool and sexy of her also.

So many male action heroes are troubled men haunted by whatever their particular tragic pasts are, but these men are also super impressive and badass (often to a degree far beyond all probability) in a harsh, capable way founded on never giving up ever, so while they are permitted to make major errors, it's in a cool and sexy way that just makes them more appealing.

This isn't a condemnation of that; there's a place for that kind of action hero and I tend to enjoy them when it's not copaganda or something. But I like women, and I like women to benefit from a full package of tropes that are often watered down when female characters get any part of them at all, so I enjoy a female character in something that historically has been such a dudefest getting full unhinged brooding hypercompetent action hero treatment.

I even fully support the show prioritizing Galadriel getting the good wig. Her hair flowing dramatically in the wind is actually more important than someone like Celebrimbor getting dramatic impractical action hair (with love, he's an arts and crafts nerd hung up on his academia celebrity grandfather, nothing about this demands good hair).

But I also like it not only in general and not only for a female character, but also for Galadriel specifically. I was just re-reading the description of her in the Shibboleth of Fëanor, and (Teleporno aside) it tracks pretty well. The whole thing about young Galadriel's burning determination to pursue Fëanor to the ends of the earth and thwart him in whatever ways she could seems exactly the sort of thing ROP Galadriel would do, and while ROP is set much later, the Shibboleth suggests that Galadriel was still recognizably that person for long afterwards:

"Pride still moved her when, at the end of the Elder Days after the final overthrow of Morgoth, she refused the pardon of the Valar ... It was not until two long ages more had passed, when at last all that she had desired in her youth came to her hand, the Ring of Power and the dominion of Middle-earth of which she had dreamed, that her wisdom was full grown."

There's a lot of Galadriel material that Tolkien wrote and he continually overhauled, revised, discarded, and amended the Galadriel backstory to such an extent that her history is one of the most chaotic, tangled, and irreconcilable zones of Tolkien lore. I don't think anyone is obligated to prioritize Shibboleth Galadriel if they have a different preferred version. But I really love that version of Galadriel and it does make her seem like probably the best canon female character option of this era for Action Hero Disaster Area (In A Cool and Sexy Way).

[zzthekaiju]

Best of the Reptiles in Media - 01 - Godzilla (Monsterverse)

I figure that while I'm using this blog, I might as well post my ramblings on a subject dear to my heart: That being the representation of reptiles as characters in media. And not just villainous or vile ones like we're so used to. I'm talking about ones that inspire me. The ones that are legitimately compelling to me. And these posts are an excuse to espouse why.

Plus, it's just fun. You can thank the likes of @tyrantisterror and @bogleech for inspiring me to do these.

So who better to start with than with the lizard who's been an inspiration to me for almost my entire life. That being the one known as Gojira. AKA...Godzilla.

This is the one character in these posts who probably needs no introduction. Ever since his debut in 1954, the walking embodiment of the horrors of nuclear war, among other things, has been nothing less than an icon. This is the beast people think about when they hear "giant monster" or "kaiju". This is truly the King of the Monsters.

My introduction to Godzilla was a children's book called "Godzilla on Monster Island". It was a fun read full of neat monsters living together and teaming up to stop an evil plan. And it left me wanting more. I wanted more stories of these fantastic yet friendly beasts being friends and living together while having fun adventures. Little me was a bit disappointed to find that Godzilla spent more time fighting his fellow kaiju and trashing cities instead.

The truth, as I would find out, was that Godzilla is never just one thing. He is a fun defender of the Earth. He's the terrifying consequences of our tampering with both nature and science. And in recent memory, he's been a lot of other things. But most of the time, he's either hero or mankind's hubris on two legs. To me, he was a giant dinosaur that could fire thermonuclear breath, and that was all that mattered. It was after hearing about the historical significance of him that my respect doubled.

Back then, I would tell you that my favorite Godzilla from a design standpoint was the 2002 version. Personality wise, almost every Showa appearance post-1964.

But in 2014, everything changed. In came a Goji that seemed to have everything I could ask for. So, we're going to look at the one that resonates with me the most. The Monsterverse version.

That right there is perhaps one of the most awe-inspiring entrances I've ever seen in a cinema.

Before the release of Godzilla (2014), the franchise had entered something of a slump period. The last film was all the way back in 2004, and sadly, the kaiju genre was still something of a niche thing growing up. Here in America, you either liked superheroes or real-life celebrities as a kid. If you liked monsters, let alone giant monsters, you were one of the weird kids. That, or one of the kids who never lost their passion for dinosaurs. But those were rare.

Then Gareth Edwards unleashed this film, and while one could argue that Pacific Rim (2013) got the ball rolling, THIS ultimately resurrected the entire franchise of the Big G, and got him a degree of general respect from most film-goers (so long as you ignore the irritating internet drama regarding screen-time back then).

But let's get to the meat of this post. Why is this Godzilla so much better to me than the rest? A few things, really.

First off, there's Godzilla's role in the Monsterverse's narrative. For the most part, he is a guardian of the natural order, a means of bringing balance to imbalance. He is a metaphor for how nature is capable of righting itself, and how we either have to deal with it, or live with the consequences. In practice, Godzilla ends up going up against almost every monster, most of which are only a threat because we awakened them/created them. Yet despite this, he doesn't go out of his way to destroy us. He's not mindlessly destructive or particularly vengeful either. He knows we're a part of the world too. We just tend to grate a bit more on his nerves because of how much we screw up. If there's one thing this series isn't afraid to show, it's that...well, "the arrogance of man is thinking nature is within our control, and not the other way around."

Design-wise, this is one of the best Godzilla's around. He's bulky, has a killer stare, and there's something oddly endearing about how...well, meaty he is. He's like if my aforementioned previous favorite design, the 2002 one, put on both a lot of muscle and weight. It also ties into his fighting style, said to have been inspired particularly by bears. Even the sounds associated with him are amazing. From that hype-inducing charge of his thermonuclear breath to what might be the best rendition of the classic roar.

Then there is the body language. This Godzilla's usual gait is slow, almost plodding at times. He shows clear signs of exhaustion in some scenes. What he goes through is hard, and his job is even harder, but he still does it. It really helps sell his personality most of the time.

Part of why I like the Monsterverse so much is that, for the most part, the kaiju are treated as characters in their own right (that's not to say they weren't in previous iterations, far from it, but it's a bit more pronounced here than most of the post-Showa stuff). Sure, some films in this verse are better about it than others (more on that later...), but I like how you can glean what Godzilla is thinking of just by looking at his eyes. Of particular note is how they widen in "Godzilla: King of the Monsters" when Ghidorah gains the upper hand during the final battle, his absolute sneer of anger in the first movie when the male MUTO approaches him, or...this.

This scene. This one right here encapsulates so much of what I love about this iteration. Where Godzilla, dazed and thoroughly battered by both the fight with the MUTOS and having a building fall right on him, locks eyes with a tiny little soldier. You see a sense of tiredness, of pain, of acknowledgement, and maybe even a little wonder. This is not just some mindless beast fighting for its turf. It's a thinking being. And he's hurt. The most powerful creature on the planet isn't invincible, neither on the outside and definitely not on the inside.

And you know what? I've been there. There are times where I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world, that there are things too heavy to bear, and its suffocating. Godzilla constantly shows throughout the Monsterverse that his job as a living balancing act is wearing on him. He gets put through so. Much. Crap. From getting buildings dropped on him to being personally dropped from a distance above the clouds to watching his symbiotic partner/mate die, it's almost unfair how we're expected to not really sympathize with him as much as...I'll get to that later.

But he never gives up. Despite all the pain and fatigue, he gets back up, and he fights. And he fights. And he continues until the deed is done. Someone has to rise to the occasion, and it might as well be him. If not him, then who?

That is the biggest reason I resonate with this Godzilla. His awe-inspiring design is one thing, but he gave me the strength to persevere. I don't give up, because he never did. Never before had the Big G been such a hero to me. Such that in 2014 I found myself silently sobbing to myself when it seemed like he was dead near the end even though that was clearly not the case. It's hardly a surprise that I based my personal Godzilla AU on him, albeit with the more sympathetic traits dialed up. Stuff like this made G14 and KOTM some of my favorite kaiju flicks...

...which made it more than a little disappointing when Wingard took the helm and basically said "screw that, this is about the monke now!" Yeah, GvK is the weakest entry in the series for me for a reason. Godzilla's more redeeming qualities are buried under a narrative that clearly is not interested in giving him the time of day or even the benefit of a doubt. Both it and it's successor, GxK, are Kong movies through and through, and that means poor Big G is put out of focus.

I cannot tell you how much I HATE this idea that the only way a monster can be relatable is if it either looks almost just like us or is really cute. Yes, I understand the universal appeal, but they had such a good thing going for Godzilla! And they throw almost all of it away just so that they can make Kong look better by comparison.

Credit where it's due, these issues are slightly improved in GxK. It's not only firmly established that Godzilla is an overall benefit to the world for keeping the other Titans in check, but we get some interesting bits with him like how he instantly responds and prepares to answer the call of the Iwi and help them. It shows that despite his tenuous relationship with humans, there are ones he clearly gives a lot of thought to. And there's also how he makes the Roman Coliseum his own personal bed. Not only is it kind of hilariously adorable, but if you remember how in KOTM he had his own man-made temple, you get the impression that he has a bit of homesickness. That's the kind of thing I like to see! More of that and less "he's only ever angry and he only ever fights, character is for primates only".

Also, while the Evolved design has nice details, I WANT THAT GUT BACK! it just looks weird otherwise with that disproportionately skinny waist.

But thankfully, our prayers might be answered:

With GxK's roaring success (ha!), it's more than likely that the next Monsterverse entry will finally give Godzilla an overdue character arc that doesn't begin and end with "destroy everyone and act big and scary and nothing else". Just please make sure that he doesn't have to die to get that. There are plenty of ways you can make us invest in the guy's story without having to kill him. I WANT to see more of that emotional vulnerability teased across the movies. I want to see him come to terms with how he's been going about his job. And more importantly...I want to see a more explicit Mothzilla scene. A nuzzle and everything. But that's just me.

Whatever the quality of his current status, nothing is taking away how much I love this version of Godzilla. He's taken me out of some very dark places, and for that, I say long live the king.

Also, he brought Mothzilla into the public sphere and every Mothzilla pic made since is the cutest thing ever, so I just love him even more.

[aipilosse]

Now I am really really curious and want to know more about your theory of C&C and M&M not being close anymore in Beleriand and why you don't buy their super duper close relationship. I noticed that as well as the fact that C&C are the feanorians often linked not just to Aredhel but to the three Arafinweans, especially Orodreth and Angrod who in the many versions are actually close to C&C which honestly is pretty interesting and such cool thing.

oooh yeah sure, I'll talk about this! This is more contrarian headcanon-not-contradicted-by-canon than anything I came to organically, but it's now become my preferred way of thinking about them.

Anyway, first, I will clarify that my theory is not Celegorm & Curufin and Maedhros & Maglor not being close in Beleriand; it is that they were NEVER close, even in Aman. We know from the story that Fëanor's sons were fiercely devoted to him, but it's never said that they were especially close with each other. And with a father who was likely demanding, played clear favorites, and had piles of charisma, I could easily see the brothers' relationships being marked by jealousy and simmering resentment, but not in an 'every brother for himself' way. It seems M&M have a strong relationship and C&C do too. Caranthir is the odd one out where it seems like none of his brothers are too attached, and honestly there's so little about Amras & Amrod but from what's there they form another obvious pair. But yeah, C&C definitely have a lot connections to the rest of the family! And it seems like those friendships were created before the Darkening and the Flight, and then renewed after Maedhros' rescue.

After Fëanor's death, Maedhros leads his brothers, but here I don't think that's because of any especial familial love or 'big brother Maedhros protective power uwu', and more because as Princes of the Noldor descended from Fëanor they are a *political* unit.

Sidebar: I think the 'family' part of the family politics of the House of Finwë is super overemphasized and the 'politics' part languishes. Like, Maedhros' brothers owe some sort of political allegiance to him (I'd say fealty... but I feel like someone with more historical knowledge will jump out of the woodwork and 'well ackshually' me) -- they are not a normal modern family!!

Now, I think the common fandom interpretation of suffocatingly close and devoted sons of Fëanor is a reasonable conclusion to reach from reading 'Of the Return of the Noldor' and I don't think my 'brothers at odds' theory is more canon; it's more that I don't think close and devoted take is the only reasonable conclusion. I have in fact seen people discard an obvious interpretation of events off hand because of the fact that all of the sons of Fëanor were soooo obviously devoted to each other, any time they didn't seek each other out there must be *something* preventing them from joining their brothers.

I really must disagree -- while C&C seem very close as do M&M, I think it's just as likely that when they're all together they're an acrimonious bitter mess, and that Maedhros staked out lands for them out east not just to keep the peace with Fingolfin & Finrod, but also to reduce fighting between his brothers. Also, them being an acrimonious bitter mess together does not mean they aren't charming, fun even, apart. Finrod is friends with all three pairs (sorry Caranthir); there's the other aforementioned C&C Arafinwean friendships and Aredhel friendship; Maedhros is friends with Fingolfin and Fingon. They even form alliances with non-elves apart, with Curufin befriending some dwarvish groups independently, and different brothers forming different mannish alliances. And I haven't even mentioned Amrod & Amras and the green elves. This all points to the brothers being reasonable, personable people when separated, capable of forming friendships and political alliances both, and perhaps to some degree hating each other's guts when together.

Food for thought! I welcome any and all enjoyers of my 'the sons of Fëanor would rather not be in a room together ever again' theory.

[letters-to-rosie]

I'm still reading Afropessimism so it's time for me to make my media studies degree do some exercise with my favorite boy

and someday I will write that proper Silco essay on why his politics make me sad lol but for now I will just say I stopped trusting that man when the word nation came out of his mouth

the whole idea of a nation state (as opposed to other governmental/social arrangements that precede it) is that the political entity of the state is something individuals who are citizens of the state are supposed to identify with. the nation state is supposed to represent them and protect them in some manner. typically, this is established by means of trampling on someone else who lives within state borders but doesn't (at the time of the state's formation) fit into the community of the state. (for more, there's this really good interview with Mahmood Mamdani where he articulates this and connects it to the current situation in Palestine)

for Mamdani, the idea of the nation state crystalizes with Spain's reconquista, which created an Iberian state that trampled over Jewish and Muslim people. from there, the idea that people's homelands might not take the form of states becomes foreclosed as the model of the nation state expands and subsumes every other political formation out there

and this (told y'all I was gonna put that degree to work) is what happens in the show. Silco, working on his nationalist project, envisions a future in which the people of his homeland have a political entity to represent them. but in the course of establishing it, he tramples over resistance to his very sketchy means of accomplishing this goal

what I want to think about more is how not to close out potential alternatives. I think the character who presents the best place to start with that from is Ekko (my boy). Ekko and the Firelights' political motives beyond 1) stop the expansion of shimmer 2) care for addicts and 3) beat up cops is left pretty unclear. I think the reason he sometimes get looked over is this lack of clarity, a lack of coherence, and that gives the feeling of not being able to judge him. while Silco's methods are bad, his narrative arc makes sense. his solution also makes sense. but is making sense the end-all-be-all of liberatory possibility? especially when one is up against violence that is senseless itself and in its gratuity?

here's where Afropessimism is so interesting to me. the theory is about anti-blackness and argues that humanity is able to define itself against blackness as a metaphorical ruler (I have some historical examples that are interesting, but then we'd be here all day; if you're really interested go dive into Matthew Perry and Japan). because this antagonism is pre-logical, it doesn't make sense. it challenges the very idea that suffering and redress for that suffering can be made sense of. the solution to it isn't in sight. but the challenge is to sit with that. it is to know that the answer doesn't have to be right in front of you for the fight to still be worth it.

a big part of why I don't vibe with the whole concept of nation states is that I've always been like "why am I supposed to identify with the country that enslaved a bunch of my ancestors? like what good does that do me?" and I frankly have decided that it does me no good to do that. as a descendant of enslaved people, I also have no nation to go back to and join. what do I wanna do instead? don't know. the longer and longer I live, the idea that I have to feels like an unfair imposition. I've read multiple commentaries that read the Firelights as anarchists. anarchists get asked that same question a lot.

what do we do with a form of redress that doesn't make narrative sense? what kind of restoration could be meaningfully taken out of the situation in the show? in a way, it's interesting, because the show has source material that's very public. we know, ultimately, no matter what questions characters like Ekko pose the idea of Zaun as a nation, that's what happens anyway. it's like a psychic wall of impossibility prevents anything else. it has to become a nation because in a world of nations there is no other choice. so I don't fault Silco for thinking it would be a good idea. I wish he had more of an imagination, though.

[beatingdrumspouringwine]

Words from the Gods 3 - Signs

I think signs are one of the most difficult things to navigate early on in one's relationship with the Gods. As someone who enjoys doing the occasional lurk over on Reddit, I feel like I see, at least once a day, someone on r/Hellenism saying something to the effects of "xyz happened today when I did/was doing zyx, do you think [insert God/Goddess's name here] is [insert emotion here] at me?" And I think there's a few problems with viewing signs in this way.

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand where they're coming from, especially if these people have come from a religion like Christianity, where signs are frequently seen as a bit more ominous, and searched for with a fair degree of intensity. But signs are a bit different here, both in terms of subtlety, but also in meaning.

For starters, the Gods are never trying to make our lives hard. This will probably be something I repeat a lot over this series, because it's entirely true, but also not something that I see said nearly enough! When it comes to receiving signs, generally a lack of understanding what the sign means can be connected to a lack of knowledge about the God/Goddess who might be sending you the sign. There is a combination of both "historical knowledge" and "personal knowledge" that goes into interpreting signs.

Historical knowledge simply applies to what is widely or historically known about a God/Goddess. For example, Hera is associated with peacocks because of Argos in mythology, or Poseidon is associated with horses and the sea from his own traditional attributes. It's one of those things where, if you have paid any attention to the God you are worshipping, you'll almost definitely understand what's going on, or at least who's saying what.

Meanwhile, personal knowledge applies to something which is directly communicated between you and the God that you are worshiping. For example, even though there isn't necessarily a historical connection between Dionysos and moths, He still sends me moth wings every now and then, specifically eye spots. This is because, after reading the article Riding the Phallus for Dionysos (would highly recommend if you're over 18), I found out that animals with eyespots were sacred to Dionysos, and after that, I found multiple perfectly intact moth wings, all of which had eye spots on them. So even though Dionysos has no traditional connection with moths, He still pops them in my life to remind me that He's around.

The other thing, besides knowledge, is context. This would be why the God in question is sending you a sign. Generally, you should have at least some form of general knowledge as to why They would be doing so. I've found that signs are usually just a divine way of saying "Hey worshiper of mine! I know you've been [feeling alone/asking Me for something/needing a push to do something/etc.], so here is some proof that I'm around!" Sometimes, obviously, the signs that are something like "giving you a push" are a bit vague, but it shouldn't be something so incredibly difficult to understand, you're getting stressed about it.

If signs seem to appear with no context, and no knowledge of either what aspect of the God (historical or personal) it applies to, I would do some research of your own, to start, and maybe throw out a few prayers to the Gods you're suspecting of sending you the sign. At the same time, though, I wouldn't be too concerned. Sometimes, strange things just happen in this world, as do some weird coincidences. I remember that once, earlier in my practice, my parents were coming to visit. I wasn't even worshiping Dionysos at that time, it was mainly Hermes and Hekate. I was praying to Them for a good, safe visit, and seemingly in response, there were dead frogs scattered all over the roads. This made my stress skyrocket, and I was internally panicking the whole visit. Nothing ended up happening, and in the following years, I started noticing that around that time of the year, there were always dead frogs on the road. I was living near a pond, and during the mating season, there would be more frogs, which would get drawn onto the roads, and there would just be... more dead frogs. It wasn't some kind of display that I had angered my Gods, or that something bad would happen. It was just a freaky nature thing that happened to coincide with my prayers.

To draw a conclusion in all of this, I'll say the following: first and foremost, signs can be difficult to interpret, and I'll never fault someone for struggling with it. But at the same time, getting to know a God both personally, as well as historically, is always a good way to understand the signs easier. There is also, as always, the context in which you are experiencing the sign, and if there seems to be none of that, then try to find a natural explanation.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to come ask me about them: my inbox and my messages are always open! (I know my writing can be vague at times - whenever I write these, I am attempting to collect my ADHD thoughts into one coherent Thing lol)

[naranjapetrificada]

I have really, really loved seeing everyone talking about their favorite fics they've written but I wasn't expecting to be tagged tbh because I've posted so few. Thanks so much @scribophile for tagging me so I can play too!

I only have 3 one-shots and a stagnating WIP to my name but I do have favorites, so.

Cornerstone means a lot to me because it was the first time I'd felt moved to write fiction (fan or original) in over a decade. I have years (and two post-secondary degrees worth) of baggage around writing in the way that only 90s "gifted kids" who were actually just neurodivergent can, and being able to write fiction again after so much time and angst has been such a joy.

My favorite of the one-shots though is probably Ways of Wanting, which was literally just inspired by Ed's beautiful, beautiful neck and written in a flurry of thoughts and feelings about the sublimation of queer desire. What I love about it is that if Cornerstone was the roots a seemingly-dead tree defiantly bursting through concrete, then Ways is like the first green shoots of new growth to sprout from the tree's branches. It was fun to write but more than anything else it felt necessary, because I needed to see myself stretching beyond my limits and doing something new.

(I also really love the Birth of Venus image that popped into my head at the last second, and if that had been the only thing to come from having written the whole thing it would still feel worth it.)

Last of course is my historical-ish fantasy-ish WIP, From the Firmament, which I am going to finish, because there's nothing I hate more than breaking promises I've made to myself. Getting the chance to write something this self-indulgent has been so rewarding, especially because of how much it's reminded me that writing can be fun.

Now obviously, drafting chapter 3 has taken significantly more time than anticipated. Part of the problem is that Izzy, in typical fashion, elbowed his way into having a POV section that has been as unpleasant to write as the man himself is to be around (although I have to admit that some of the discomfort is creative growing pains).

But beyond Izzy, there are things about the storytelling process itself at this point that are dredging up a lot of my writing baggage in a way that writing the first two chapters didn't. For a few reasons Ed's POV always takes me the longest, and he's got the lion's share of this chapter's narration. And I definitely spent too long deciding which historical blurb should start the chapter, which kept me floundering for too long trying to build the chapter's basic skeleton. I'm also having to work through poet-brain perfectionism with some of the prose.

But I'm determined to finally learn these and other craft lessons I've been putting off for decades though, just as I'm determined to see this story through to the end.

(also I got laid off in June and sometimes feel guilty if I'm not spending every waking moment on job sites, which is a mistake but it makes writing fic harder than it needs to be. I'm working on it.)

I feel like this game has been going around long enough that almost everyone I would tag has already been tagged, but last time I checked I didn't see a post from @veeagainsttheday nor @tresdem? Both are incredibly skilled (and maybe more importantly, dedicated) writers who have made me cry repeatedly in the best ways possible, so even if they don't want to make their own posts you should still go read their gentlebeard work immediately.

[thepowerisyouth]

MONEY / FINANCE STRESS CONTENT WARNING, this next line is unfortunately quite stressful about money so this was an important warning for me to add:

This is also less for the random strangers on the internet who have no reason to trust my advice but more for the 10-15 people I know personally who trust my money advice based on prior experience and Ive sent them my blog link in the last month or two

US stock market is about to tank. On a global perspective its stupidly overpriced because markets like China are hitting 5 year lows (as in we've increased our stock market over 2x since "COVID lows", but their market is even lower than it was then.

Timing is hard but it is entirely possible yesterday was the peak of the market. Might also not tank for 6 months.

Market psychology is fucking weird tho so please absolutely dont 'short' anything, which is basically the same as 'buying puts'. Michael Burry nearly bankrupted all his friends, family, and random investors by insisting on 'shorting' things based on knowledge of impending crisis.

Just sell everything. I mean literally everything. Bond etfs might go up but youd have to have eyes glued to the charts to sell in time. Gold wont do, neither will bitcoin. Their negative correlation to stocks isnt really a thing anymore.

Get every etf, stock, whatever into cash in the brokerage account, then move it out of the banks/brokerage firms and into something physically in front of you because we are, in fact, in another 'historical period of bank runs' its just not quite at the peak yet.

Not trying to increase anxiety beyond nessecary-- its just that any, single bank can immediately freeze your money-- leaving it up to the Federal Government to pay you back-- and it might possibly be the case that youd have to rely on whats called a "bank bail in" to see your savings again.

Not a fun situation to be in, even if it wont happen to most people its just safe practice to do this during a "historical period of bank runs"

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This blog is basically my diary of my thoughts (suprise suprise). But Im an open book, privileged (but poor) little white boy with complex societal/generational abuse and very little home problems so lets fucking go theres a whole mormon cargo van to unpack

Definitely recommend tags Im terrible at them.

---

To those reading this, if you have ever met me in real-life or on the internet than you have taught me varying degrees of information which can be randomly retrieved by my brain at any time depending on current CPU performance. Thoughts of my loving husband have occupied my headspace probably 95% of my time since 14 so he has absolutely taught me at least 100x more than anyone else in the world.

When I say "I", oftentimes Im thinking about "me and my husband", or even sometimes "me and my friends/family", or even sometimes "me and society"--- but I am not always 100% aware of the current headspace environment and/or beliefs of the minds of those around me without feedback

---

There are currently over 8 billion individual varieties of the global human language spoken within the mind. Lets start translating them all. Misunderstood words become mean labels.

I fucking hate mean labels

"Math wiz" = racism and/or classism and/or gender shit. Fuck that shit

When a person is niched off into one part of an 8 billion population human society, it becomes impossible to not "live in a bubble". Bubbles change in size constantly even if not visibly observed. Bubbles can be different sizes depending on your current day-to-day thoughts of your own society. Bubbles must pop. Enlightenment implies life only gets better the more times ya pop and lock it

My path away from purely mathematics, logic, and scientific theory began when I met my husband, and for the first time in my life it became important to me not to be an asshole to everyone around me

Ive been told (only after I started dating my traumatized husband tho and helped him heal a lot) that I'm a natural communicator-- and all my life I found myself listening and learning to everything and everyone around me trying to understand both their and my own motivations-- then I like to garble them up and spit 'em out. My memory recall ability is wonky tho and fluctuates highly with nutrient intake-- I'll get into that later

I wish I could have a million years to read every blog on tumblr. I really do. Connecting & communating is extremely important for understanding one another but it takes time

I had an extremely unique childhood (who hasnt lol), enough so to isolate myself quite a lot through sheer dumb luck. My mom is also everyone's favorite school teacher so of course I was learning a lot from a young age. Luckily I glued myself to the first person who wanted to glue themselves to me equally & we grew exponentially closer to eternity

If its still not clear: my husband and I are bored and love chatting with people, but like most internet loving freaks my mouth don't work sometimes well but my fingies do. My ears got fluff a lot but I got eyes for LEDs like a hawk. Wish they werent LED tho

I also have a naturally short sleep cycle (i.e. extra time for this), and I really wont be offended or weirded out by someone reading through and liking 20+ or whatever of my posts at once randomly. Stories are supposed to be read in chunks, and I think of this blog as a story & also workspace for my thoughts that Id love to see which chapters everyone has read through. Also I love (and only respond positively to) positive feedback, yet also suggestions for ways to improve my "theorums". As in, good faith discussions are totally welcome on any post.

For my 50 year old parents reading my blog so lovingly in their limited evening time-- you can sort by tags to see what topics your familiar with, if you play around with the search function while on my page. Mom. Show dad how to do it

In the very, very bottom of my blog I dont even think I managed to tag shit properly-- but its the roughdraft workings of the philosophy, as well as my own logical framework for answering lifes questions. Its 2 months ago so I might not even be writing according to my own works down there anymore idk I change fast sometimes

Last thing for now here is that I was always criticized by teachers for not showing my work, and for not reviewing my tests before turning in, and I pushed back hard because nearly every time I went over and corrected a mistake-- I saw I most often got it right the first fucking time on a pure hunch. I act on impulse when I'm not meditating mostly for efficiency purposes because I believe I'm correct, but remain open to emotionally positive feedback so I can help remove all doubt.

-------

This might turn into my 'life story' post, as its already going there. Heres what I have so far in the way of my knowledge of my family before I was brought into existence, and my "earliest memories":

Family context:

I dont know jack shit. Nobody talks about it at all.

Here's my own observations Ive made using the framework and perceptive filters I was given--

My whole family is white Texans.

Ancestory is slaveowners of course, further back is a very likely direct parent-child descendent line from the most famous inbred british royalty of the 13th century i.e. King John, whose brother was the arab genociding Richard.

I would call my immediate family as upper poverty class. Its more like poverty with extra privileges cause mental health stigma was the only thing holding them back not other shit too.

As children we had a lot of very privileged opportunities because my parents made a lot of sacrifices to try and bring us back up the class ladder. Lets look into that generational trauma issue

My dads parents (born in the early 40s, dont know the year exactly. I think '43 or '44) were more upper middle class, pretty high income. Owned an insurance business that was very successful by the early 2000s at least. My grandpa is described to me as a "monster" and "violently abusive". I have a single memory of him screaming at me as a young child and I was cowering under a desk, so I really believe it. No other stories at all to provide context.

-- I gotta split this section off I realized I wrote the next thing about post-me context Ill need to move this part lower down later--

My grandpa got early onset dementia, my dad didnt notice in time, and my grandpa bankrupted his successful company and lost several million of dollars to "scammers and sexy ladies."

My dad found out around 2015-16 or so. He told me a little bit after telling me my grandparents were getting divorced. My dad managed to scrape together about $200,000 which is being sued for by the IRS actively.

(He split that money in two, and entrusted me tell him how to invest half in safe value stocks that I handpicked as well as a calculated risk allocation to bonds which we sold for 30% profit the second the market crashed. He gave the other half to a brokerage advisor. I never met the advisor but saw the results. Dont get me started on how the other dude did with that money-- we started this endeavor in January 2020.)

Personally I also dont believe that its possible to spend an entire fortune on scammers and strippers, so Id love to see his books and figure out what the hell went wrong with that asshole. I have a hunch I know something more than anyone else ("Enron", guys, we're talking about an insurance company in HOUSTON, in the 2000s) but I will never be sure without the books.

----

Back to other family--

I do not know a single thing about my grandma on my dads side. She raised me quite a lot, but yeah I literally have only heard her life described to me as "she was a housewife"

On my moms side, my Mimi (also born 1940s but slightly younger so I think 1946 or 1947) came from a divorced, upper middle class family. In 1964-65, She and her step mom both got knocked up the same year so she watched her divorced dad remarry to said step mom when she was 18-19 and getting a shotgun marriage herself, so you can imagine what that was like. The "biological" of the two moms was a very good mom and very queer from what I hear. She died when I was a baby, from lung cancer. Thats all I know. My mimi raised me quite a lot, nearly equally as much as my mom did

My mom's dad, my Papa, came from a rural farming family in East Texas. Dont know much else of anything, but he and his siblings were named "Billy, Bobby, and Betty". As in, they are what everyone likes to call "hicks"

--

Moving onto my direct parents now. I know a little more about them of course, but since we're getting closer in age to the present-- I think itll be easier to describe my understanding as common stereotypes. If its unclear what I mean definitely feel free to ask, but I'll probably say "I dont really know"

Not much else is relevant other than knowing that my moms family was the mormon one, but that as soon as my dad was love-bombed by the church he joined to. Mormons were also different in the 90s I'm told.

My dad struggled with being one of the "crazy schizos" of the 90s. As in, very traumatized, upset, and gaslit by the government and his parents. Must have done a damn good job dealing with it by the time he was in his late 20s and I popped out cause he was never a "bad dad" to me at all. Definitely yelled and was more angry at times, but less than any other friends parents Ive ever met, and from what I remember he came into my room at night and apologized to me literally every single time within like 5-10 minutes. I know pretty much nothing about him pre-me. He was a tradesman my whole life and specialized in remodeling kitchens & bathrooms (the 'dirty work of construction'). All his initial clientele were the rich people my grandma lived near and was friends with.

My mom would have been extremely queer-presenting and posting on tumblr if born in the year 2000, but was born in early 70s, and was a raegan teen in high-school in Texas during the satanic panic-- she presents completely cis, straight, but has body dysmorphia issues. Thats about you need to know about those issues I'm sure my tumblr folks can assume the rest and be perfectly correct. Cause thats about all I know too and I'm assuming the rest about my own mother

--- Earliest memories

I think a lot of people face doubt about their own earliest memories, maybe hearing the way I connect the images of these events in my head to my emotions I felt will help others do the same.

----

Two disclosers about me & my current healthcare discoveries before moving on

1) My only "major" childhood trauma is loneliness. I have a partner now (started dating early high school, nearing 10 years together now) who was just as lonely and we are glued to each others side constantly, and have made our life work great that way. So don't feel too bad reading this, I'm only able to write it down because Ive healed that trauma and can dig this stuff up with no issues to validate the emotions I felt even as a child

1) I believe I have a genetic trait that is only just getting discovered. There are something like 6 discovered mutations that hold this similar trait so far, and its just basically chronic insomia.

It being a genetic trait tracks with how my mom describes me as never settling into a normal sleep pattern at 6 months old, having absurd amounts of nightmares and death anxiety keeping me up at night as a child, and I still dont sleep at any given time. I average 2 hours less sleep than my husband, who averages 7-8 now that he isnt actively being abused at home.

Going to get sequenced but even if negative I'd probably just be a 7th mutation, as they only found the other 6 genes via case study.

The scientists whove discovered it call it "Familial Natural Short Sleeper", if you desire to look it up. They describe the trait like its the best possible thing in the world. Well... terminally chronic insomia is not the best thing in THIS world thats for sure.

---------

My "earliest memories"

These arent ranked by time accurately of course. Took enough effort digging through my brain to turn them up, not like Ive got a 2003 calendar stuffed in here as well.

I did do my best to sort by first memory but it also might be sorted by the order at which I recovered the memories as being one of my "earliest" when I was a child and asked such things

1. Pure emptiness. I can only describe it as dissociation. I can remember nothing about the environment around me, except feeling suddenly sucked out of it, seeing only darkness, feeling almost a ringing in my ears and the deepest dread possible. This same feeling followed me in life for a little while, but started to take more visual shape when I was an adolescent, until at some point I would see myself sitting in a chair alone in a room that is infinitely sized but that slowly gets darker the further out you go. I cant remember what exact "real-world" event caused this feeling to ever happen each time it did. I just can remember having it happen occasionally when I was awake and doing things. Definitely dissociation. (If you are willing to believe me further I think its just probably "lights out" and being scared of that)

1. Riding a mattress down the stairs. I kind of remember two images, one is the tunnel vision of going high speed down the stairs and the other would be from looking back up at the stairs when I was done going down. Totally fun, probably my first rollar coaster ride. I might remember my siblings laughing too but it wouldnt be because I can remember the actual laughing-- but I can remember feeling the joy of being in a group of people laughing. At the time, my parents were selling the house so thats why I also remember it being a completely empty carpeted room that we were riding down into

2. My brother smashing his head repeatedly into the refrigerator for 'fun' and someone saying "wow he has a hard head" or something along those lines. I was learning english I cant remember exactly what they said but that was definitely the meaning I took from their words. I think this memory is strong, because I was truly very curious as to why my brother was just running at full speed, head down, and headbutting a hard surface. The words someone said after that must have been one of my first 'answers'

3. Watching my siblings play in rare Houston snow. Not much remembering there actually. Probably just thought it was mezmorizing to watch as I just really remember a picture and feeling peace

4. Will add more later.

[mirjam-writes]

My research process for Be Still My Soul

I was asked about my research for Be Still My Soul (GO human au fanfic set in Finnish history. It has also its own blog @be-still-my-soul-fanfic for extra notes and background info), and I was so excited for a reason to babble about my process! Thank you for asking <3

The question was this:

Can I ask what your research process is? How long you’re willing to spend on it and then separating things you’ve discovered while interesting might not be right for the story you’re telling

The quick answer to "how long you're willing to spend on it" is always "way too much", truly ridiculous amounts! But I was also building on a foundation of existing knowledge. I have no degrees on history, but we learned the basics of all this at school. I also loved to listen my grandparents stories of the olden times as a kid; not necessarily about the war, but farming, customs and architecture. My proper interest in the civil war period began in 2018, during the 100th anniversary year. There were a lot of events, articles and news about the war, so I decided to read some of them, including old classics, and visit some museums. When I stumbled upon a reference I didn't understand, I read more, and that was a whole rabbit hole... But! When I started outlining Be Still, I was able to base it on a lot of knowledge I already had, and was able to add the big beats of the love story to the real historical timeline.

Then I started writing. I took a scene or a short period I had outlined and started to ask myself questions. What needs to be shown for the reader to understand the next big beat. What do the characters know, what do they see, what do they think. I always started my research from something related to the outline BUT it definitely got off track and severely out of hand so often! I found new details I could add to the story, and a whole bunch of details I hyperfixated in, researched for days---and used only maybe in one offhand paragraph.

I left so much out, because it was, at heart, a love story and not a history lesson. And some things made no sense to be explained in the story because they were every-day stuff for the characters! So, from the very early on I realised I needed an outlet for all that extra info in order to not clutter the story, and that's how the blog was born.

My biggest tools for research during writing were

online newspaper archives (to figure out what people actually knew and discussed at any current day I was writing about, because nowadays we of course know a lot more about the stuff that happened, than the people knew when it was actually happening. I also used newspapers to search for important information like if Vaseline was already available in 1918 Finland)

national archive's online photo archive (to get visuals of locations, clothes, houses and other things, to be able to describe them better)

Wikipedia (especially for looking for right words; I searched for a spesific thing from Finnish Wikipedia, then opened the English article to see the English word for it, and to figure out if the word is what I'm looking for. And then I went to Discord to ask around on writer's channels if the words I was about to pick were actually general knowledge for English speakers)

census data (I've also done genealogy research for my family, so I still have a subscription to some neat archives. These I used to search for names and professions, and to count amount of servants in big houses, etc)

library (I'm sure our local library thinks I'm doing some important historical research :D I read several books about other people's research, and also fiction. But I have kinda ruined the fiction for myself because I can now spot all the mistakes, and also, in one case, when the author described a scene in vivid detail, I could tell exactly which museum archive photo they had used as a reference!)

Whenever I found something I got curious about, all my other research (and writing!) stopped and I started googling more and more information, which sometimes did end up into the story, but more often did not! But I'm the sort of history geek that likes these rabbit holes, so I didn't mind much.

(Unless it felt like I got no new words into the story for weeks!)

[nico-in-collections]

An Introduction

I'm Nico (they/them).

I'm a young library and museum professional based in the United States.

I have a Bachelor of Arts in history and museum studies and a Master of Arts in library and information science.

I have a strong passion for both libraries and museums. I'm currently working a multitude of jobs within the field, including part-time at a library and part-time at a historical society museum. I would be more than happy to end up in either for my long-term career. Until then, I split my time between the two and I'll see where life takes me.

[My full journey can be read under the cut.]

I started this journey when I was in high school and I worked in my local, small town, county branch library as a shelver. The library wasn't big, nor was it busy, so I often didn't have anything to do but dust shelves. I loved every second of it.

While getting my BA I took museum courses and worked a series of bookstore jobs and took up an internship in my campus's art gallery. Getting a job in a library was near-impossible in the town I went to university in, but I couldn't allow myself to stray too far from the field.

Upon graduating I knew that I needed a master's degree if I wanted a chance to be a librarian in my home state. I completed it online, through the University of Wisconsin in Madison. While working on it, I scoured around for library jobs and completed an internship at a quite famous, yet unique museum. It has some interesting and strict privacy rules, so I'm a little unsure about how much I say about it. What I can say is that while I wasn't there long, I learned a lot. I did so many odd museum things and completed some really cool projects.

Finally I landed a part-time job at a library in a neighboring county doing circulation work in 2022. I still work this position and while I love it, I hope to eventually find something full-time.

To fill in my half empty schedule a little I started working as a substitute librarian in yet another county's library system.

Today, which spurred the creation of this blog, I started a position at a historical society in (you guessed it) yet another county. Which now brings me to a grand total of 3 different counties that I currently work in. My schedule is a mess and honestly, it kills me a little, but it's all experience in the field and I really do love all of my jobs.

Going forward I plan to use this blog to engage with library and museum content and keep ongoing documentation of sorts about my own work in the field.

I'm so glad you're here and I hope you'll come along for the ride with me!

<3 Nico

[habunshu]

just read an interview sara hess did recently and she’s talks about aegon and him raping dyana and the way this entire thing reads is just so…..not to mention in the same interview she throws daemon under the bus and says he’s a bad father when the episode she wrote she chose to cut out the scenes with him comforting his daughters and chose to add in how he ignores rhaena

[saying this all having seen ep10 leaks, and saying this all with words from HBO that they plan to release a “pristine cut” from earlier today- whatever that means, so by the time this “cut” is released some mass-disliked moments may have been retconed or scenes added]

[mention of SA, R*pe in regards to Aegon’s writing]

[mention of traumatic childbirth and death from childbirth]

I have so many many thoughts about not only Sara Hess but the whole writing team. This is LONG, and thank u very much for sparking my thoughts with this ask!

HOTD has, fallen out a lot with me post episode 5/6, I remember thinking what a fantastic start it was off to when I watched episode 1, and the moment it’s established that the writers and directors are NOT collaborating between episodes, and each hold very different understandings of each character they portray- it’s become a quick recipe for disaster. Im not going to nitpick every part of the season, I’m well aware this show plans to overarch multiple seasons, but I am still going to discuss it from a standalone story due to how long each season takes to produce.

1. Complications from writing teams, and contrasting GRRM’s base material:

HOTD and F&B being separate narrative points and existing as different validity tales is something that is perfectly fine, I am used to discussing validity of secondary reports of historical content through my degree, and HOTD is a very good medium (as it is VISUAL instead of written) of attempting to show this tale from inside the House itself- what dissonance occurs is due to fondness over the staple violence and power hungry violence of these Westeros Nobles that creates interesting fantasy grandeur. A lot of people enjoy spectating these awful powerful people commit horrible acts in their own interests and family allegiances; Cersei, Daemon, Otto, and others are fascinating anti-heroes and antagonists due to their setting to allow for large-scale atrocities to physically vent their ambitions and goals.

The Dance of The Dragons (in the Books) is this horrific and tragic death for petty self importance, untreated family trauma and paranoid self-hardening that continues and grows with each generation of the Courts is bound to snap on-top of someone’s shoulders at some point, just around 80 years of RELATIVE “peace” under King Jaehaerys I and Viserys I (55+26 if i’m not mistaken). And such a King born of peace wanting to prolong it (Viserys I) is almost a perfect breeding ground for power hungry leeches to start grappling for the Throne (Otto).

So when the bricks start to crumble and we have expectations of drama and bloodshed, true to GRRM’s writings, it’s not a change in certain plot points that is objectively bad (some are better- Sara Hess respects Laena as a woman of 2 Valyrian Houses dying of her own wish instead of before she can on the staircase), it’s misconceptions of what purpose each character serves between writers that makes each episode clunky, snowballing into the season looking like a puzzle I slapped together from mis-matched pieces I found my desk draw.

Almost all characters if not between back to back episodes, from the beginning to the end of the season have moments that straight up do not make sense compared to who they are established as.

This reaches a more frustrating point when we see the overarching trend of almost all Female main characters be softened and be removed of their personal wants. (In the Books) Rhaenyra and Alicent are two amazing narrative foils; Entitlement vs Want, Power (Dragons) vs Intelligence. These are two women who have lost their childhood sense of female unity and joint suffering, with their in-book ages, Rhaenyra looses an older female figure and Alicent looses a companion and a major representation of her own lost girlhood.

When Alicent becomes just a high-strung pawn for her father, her son placed on the throne without her involvement or knowledge, still holding onto her girlhood she becomes a beautiful tragic figure and Olivia does he’s SO MUCH justice- but at the cost of her being this beautiful antagonist and individual.

When Rhaenyra becomes with unsure and overwhelmed girl-heir, becomes someone who only began to learn the knowledge a monarch requires at her late teens instead of being named heir before she was 10, she’s no longer a strong Targaryen that wants what she has been told her whole life is hers- but a bumbling princess who is asking for permission to wear her fathers crown.

Rhaenys, Baela and Rhaena are moved aside and the young daughters of Laena are given barely any content besides smiling politely. Helena I will say seems relatively untouched, we see a girl in her own solitude with a mother who gave birth way too young and doesn’t know how to be one. A true tragic figure after being sentenced to being a royal womb and looses her child over evening the scales-

[EP10 LEAK- RETCON OR CORRECTION ON OFFICIAL RELEASE UNKNOWN] If Aemond does end up a Kinslayer by technically, Vhagar attacking in retaliation with him being unable to control her after Lucerys in turn doesn’t control Arrax spitting fire first when fleeing to return to his mother. It does work in favour of Aemond being subjected to harsh consequences for either defending himself or completely against his wishes. But again we loose what is one of the most vicious combatants of the civil war, as well as the intent of Helena loosing her own child not matching up. “A Son for a Son”, but to even it out Helena’s child needs to die by accident in return. This also contrasts Aemond’s character of a bloodthirsty prince, he WANTS Lucerys dead, his own half-nephew took his eye, why does he care that the Baratheon wants blood outside of his home instead of infront of him. He’s the Kings Brother, Rider of Vhagar.

This change of intent to misunderstandings does create its own dynamic, but the lack of a cohesive plot and character purpose creates this mess that takes the Dance from:

“This family have become horrifyingly self-entitled and power-drunk due to their dragons, and will do whatever to fulfil their own wants, even killing the Dragons they owe their power to. There is a division between Kin and Family and Kin will be sacrificed if one can gain from it.”

To: “The Sheer Number of Aegons and lack of critical thinking has made so many deaths meaningless.”

The writers seem so scared of writing women with intent and purpose and power, Rhaenyra was a dragon rider at 7, 6 years before the youngest rider before her, we haven’t seen her on Syrax since Daemon steals an egg, we have powerful female Targaryens in-universe, Visenya is right there. Women in the show are mothers or soon to be married and mothers, Rhaenyra has no combat experience as a NAMED HEIR.

2. Sara Hess

She is uh, sure is something of a writer, knowing she’s responsible at least in part of EP6 and EP9 does make sense. She’s got a lot of not great comments and understandings of characters, that does do them a disservice.

The biggest offender (pun intended) is Aegon II, very surprising for a woman to romanticise such a horrific abuse of power and male identity that leads to (as Alicent implies this is not the first time he commits these acts on screen) the SA and worse of a handmaiden, and attempt to paint it as a misguided action of love. Aegon II as a character is a great way to show “A female heir could be perfect, Rhaenyra could be perfect; but will still be tossed aside in favour of a male heir that is abominable, horrible and a stain to his family’s legacy”

Is he given an unfair hand at the blatant favouritism of Viserys? yes. Is he forced into a position that he has no desire to be in until he is either:

1. In the books told that a formidable blood-spilling Rhaenyra will kill her opposition (his family and children) for the crown.

2. In the show dragged to his coronation, crying as he walks the Dragon pit, taking a position he KNOWS his father never once delegated to him.

Tom Glynn-Carney does a PHENOMENAL job with the material he is provided and tasked to act out. We can gain sympathy for him in both narrative chains without the romanticism of SA and r*pe, Tom SHOWS us a young man who turns to alcoholic tendencies due to the obvious fact his father only considers himself to be a father of one, and the fact that his mother has near infinite complex relationship with motherhood as a manipulated childbride and replacement wife that doesn’t even compare to the First Queen to her husband.

Aegon is heavily spoilt and misguided and starved of normal parents, and even as a horribly sexist man of power we can find nuance in him. Sara Hess does him a disservice by saying he “loved” Dyana, if you want to write him as a sympathy figure regarding his own love outwards, it is already there in his DISINTEREST in Helaena, the choice to not want to love is a better rebellion against all his representation of love that he’s grown up with.

“Do you (Mother) Love me?” is a tragic line, it drives sympathy in itself as her firstborn son knowing she is merely 16 years older than him, not even 40 at the time of his coronation. Why make this about him r*ping a woman instead of the complex relationship the family knows Alicent has about motherhood and the loss of her own life at age 16 when Otto decides to move her representative chess piece forward?

Sara Hess’ comments that went viral, although make sense in her distaste with various Scenes of Daemon (which are STILL abstractions from GRRM and his creation of Daemon) from EP10. I am surprised at her ability to unite those who are Team Black or Team Green, but even then her involvement has more downsides to this opportunity of story telling that positives.

A particular comment of hers that I didn’t appreciate in the slightest was her input on (Book) Rhaenyra growing fat after having 5 children and getting older.

Extremely weird to vilify a woman of luxurious life and 5 pregnancies in Medieval times gaining weight. Whilst yes there is valid criticism of male storytelling, why lump the weight of a woman in the same category as sexism of women in power. Rhaenyra’s body has nothing to do with her as a leader or historical figure.

3. Daemon at the hands of the writers (Sara’s portrayal in particular)

GRRM has stated that Daemon Targaryen is his favourite, and I completely understand it.

Who is he? A second-born pure-blood prince, a renowned knight, rider of the Bloodwyrm, a prime Targaryen, confident, ambitious, cunning and loyal to a fault on those he considers family.

Daemon is introduced as an agent of Chaos and polarising public opinion, but still commands respect and at least was worthy enough to be handed the titles of Master and stand on the Court (but not to be earned, he is born into an almost invincible position). We see him painted as ready to take the throne as eldest male Targaryen barring the King himself, and is set at this surface level “Rogue” who dotes on the younger Targaryen at court (intentions unknown).

Ep1-4 we see he aligns more at strength for the Targaryen Dynasty, not just himself. He is a narrative foil to Viserys in attitude and tolerance, yin and yang in a way. He states that he wants to keep the crown on his brothers head steady, he sees past Otto and relays the distaste of the Hightowers that is present in Dark Sister’s original wielder.

I think a lot of people misinterpret him as selfishly power hungry, that every action has to explicitly lead to him as King on the Throne, but why not kill Rhaenyra at any point, he’s a suspect regardless due to his reputation, but he is cunning, there’s no way he couldn’t have pulled it off when she was young with how many of Aemma’s surviving babies died young- Rhaenyra herself could easily have health complications.

He is raised on the idea of their Family being omnipotent, 3 siblings conquered Westeros, who says he cannot ally himself with a select few? He gains significant back room power the way Coryls wants as a Prince consort or Hand to Viserys/Rhaenyra.

He is cruel and violent and awful and egotistical, but he holds the better part of himself for those he deems worthy. This is what makes him a compelling character, unwavering support to those he chooses. With debatable intent with Laena across book and TV stories, he is not neglectful of those he cares of. The active choice to cut scenes of him being a father, any sense of comfort, to imply he favours the daughter that has a dragon already, is nothing short of character assassination and extremely biased.

Daemon is far from a faithful, christian husband, don’t get me wrong, he ends up cheating on Rhaenyra and has fucked so many women in his life I don’t know how he hasn’t got like 34 STDs. But there seems to be an in-universe grey area on Targaryen polyamory and lovers, (Rhaenyra and Laena in book at a little, 👀) his political loyalty and service to Rhaenyra’s crown is never once faltered, he dies for her to get rid of Aemond and Vhagar (the only reason the Greens didn’t instantly die). His is this beautifully volatile and unpredictable character, but compassionate to a fault, and willing to do anything to restore Targaryen Power.

Sara Hess’ writing is far from unbiased, and deviates heavily from who GRRM wrote with such fondness, not completely unfounded, he does groom his niece and kiss her the infront of his the kids he had with his dead wife the day of her funeral. But why paint him as this deadbeat dad when he of him and his brother does not subject his wife to unnecessary pain when she will die regardless, he who does not differentiate between children of different mothers. Viserys is a chronic first-wife bias, he doesn’t care that his second son is partially blinded and instead does not revoke when Rhaenyra asks for what is essentially torture to gain insight on why Aemond called her Bastard Sons, Bastards. Why doesn’t Sara call him out on saying he only has one child, why doesn’t she say she doesn’t understand why people like Viserys at Paddy’s portrayal?

She’s incorrect in us liking him as (not my words) “daddy” because he killed Rhea Royce and groomed his niece, people with brains are aware of his faults. We like BOTH of these brothers who were overzealous in the use of brothels are young bachelor princes. We like them because of the effort Matt and Paddy put in DESPITE the writing they are shown with.

The most concrete moment of bad directing of daemon shows in his interactions with Viserys.

Matt understands Daemon at peak when he IMPROVISES Daemon stepping up as the brother protecting his weak king from Otto and himself when he picks up the crown, and supports Viserys on his way to the Throne, he could have easily left him to stumble and make a fool of himself. He wouldn’t though.

[EP10 SPOILERS] Seeing Daemon get violent with Rhaenyra, after he grabs 3 dragon eggs for her, after he marries her in secret, after he kills Vaemond for her. Is so out of character, not in his general sense, but out of character in WHO he directs this violence at. The physical scene cuts make it seem like they cut out any reconciliation, as well as the rough choking -> mocking -> going back to normal.

It gets even MORE OOC when it gets to Rhaenyra’s troubling childbirth of Visenya.

Daemon, a man who lost his mother through childbirth of his younger brother Aegon who then died in the crib.

Daemon who did not have a mother for long at all.

Daemon, who watched Viserys and Aemma loose child after child until she dies.

Daemon who watched Laena struggle and end up commanding Vhagar to kill her as an act of Mercy.

Daemon who watched his daughters not have a mother for long at all.

Daemon who watched and saw Rhaenyra not have her mother for long.

Daemon who does not stay with her during the pregnancy, Daemon who they decided to keep separate from Rhaenyra as she struggles to give birth.

It is such an out of character moment that it along with the choking scene ruins him as a man, as every episode has established.

Again he is not perfect, withholds public affection even in high-strung moments due to being cautious in court. Has killed (or at least plotted) his first wife, the whole Gold cloak scene, the grooming.

But, He if this is not changed in the “pristine” cut, it does ruin all that GRRM has established.

It speaks a lot when improvisation on the Actors speak better on the characters than the writers themselves. It speaks a lot when an improvised scene touches people more than what the writers explicitly add.

[margridarnauds]

Sleepover ask time! I give you permission to rant about shit on main

That's an ungodly amount of power to give me, let's go.

This is going to be unpopular with some people, and I totally get why, but...every once in a while on this site, there's a lot of furor raised over "You CAN'T call the Aeneid/The Divine Comedy/Arthuriana fanfic, you don't UNDERSTAND, they're MEDITATIONS on fate/divine will/mortality, they're DEEP." Many outraged posts made, blood spilled, lives lost on Tumblr as the most unlikeable people that you know on both sides write bad faith thinkpieces that wildly miss the point. And...I get it. I do. I emphasize that I get it. These texts are, overwhelmingly, being manufactured in a time before copyright protections, as we know them, existed. (Though Cervantes, in the 17th century, provided an early example of an author...very firmly asserting his own exclusive ownership of the characters.) These works, rather than being fanfiction in and of themselves, are part of a cultural tradition of transformative borrowing and exchange that fanfiction is ALSO a part of.

...but that being said. Lads. Lighten up.

People who actually work with stuff day in, day out don't care as much as randos on Tumblr, or self proclaimed English Majors™ who couldn't hack grad school and have decided that, in retribution, they're going to subject us to complaining about YA, fanfic, pick your poison here (mandatory "Education =/= intelligence or critical thinking skills, especially given the RIDICULOUS cost of a degree in the States, but if you're going to promote yourself as an English Major™, and play into that hierarchical system, I reserve the right to call you on it and pull rank.) I've sat at tables filled with medievalists who will gleefully call Arthuriana fanfic (we also had a lovely discussion on MPreg, Omegaverse, and protecting curious senior scholars from the former two when they go on their regular sojourns across the internet.) I've read articles from respected medievalists that will adopt a transformative approach towards reading texts, arguing that they are, essentially, fanfiction. (Matthieu Boyd's paper on Mesca Ulaid, for the interested.) I've talked to tenured Ivy League professors who will compare respected medieval literary traditions to fanfic. (Three, actually.) As a soon to be published Arthurian scholar myself, *I* don't care, and I'd like to think that, at this point, I've earned my laurels enough to have an opinion.

Like, I just think we have to consider what our goal is here -- is it to educate people on the way that pre-modern literary cultures worked, or is it to make ourselves feel superior? Is it because we want to clarify that our own situation re: copyright is the exception rather than the norm historically, or is it because we feel somehow threatened by the comparison between something that we hold to be significant to something that we hold insignificant, especially since the latter is something that is something that can be written by anyone as opposed to a specific literary elite that overwhelmingly consisted of men? When we're here, in our capacity as ambassadors for our fields, are we doing more harm than good by trying to puff ourselves up? Are we actually ENCOURAGING people to engage with this stuff, or are we making them think that we're all Like That?

When I was younger, 17-18, I was terrified of interacting with people who did this sort of thing specifically because there was one person on here, back in the day, who was SUCH a prickly asshole that I was scared. And if I hadn't, I wouldn't have entered grad school for this, I never would've gotten my MA, I wouldn't have gotten into my PhD program. God knows how many other people might have had similar experiences. That matters more to me than whether Arthuriana technically counts as fic.

...also this is the funny meme website. The reason why a lot of people aren't giving the most nuanced takes on medieval literary networks is specifically because, besides being laypeople...this is the funny meme website. None of us are making any of this into a conference paper, it isn't going on our CVs, so I'm not going to focus on getting all the nuances down right because. This is the funny meme website. I go here. To make funny memes. And to escape my program. And if you have enough time and energy to get angry, wonderful, fight the good fight, but, ala the Cervantes example above, you might find yourself tilting at windmills that you've mainly created.

[adamsvanrhijn]

do you have any advice for writing period dialogue? i always think your fics sound so much like the characters and idk how to do it. i'm fine with the prose part, but as soon as a character opens their mouth i feel like they sound like they've got a smart phone and a twitter account.

well thank you first of all!! i'm not sure how helpful i can be but i will say what works for me :'-)

i would say i think the thing to focus on first is not if you're creating dialogue that is true to the period, but that is true to the character

that is more important to me than linguistic historical accuracy, which is generally not actually attainable but can be fun to try for, and it is the starting point for diving into "hey how did they use this word or phrase or sentence structure in the 1920s (or whenever)" - does it sound like that guy? if yes, but you're not sure it sounds right to That Guy's era, proceed to etymology online or whatever and fuck around until you get something you like

getting acquainted with your character's voice comes from reading/watching and rereading/rewatching your source material. I also have spreadsheets for my shows with all of the dialogue so that i can easily go find something and double check if something feels right or doesn't feel right which is maybe autism behavior

but while the source material imo should always be Home, it can only get you so far - when you aim to replicate how a character speaks, it is helpful to understand how they Don't speak, which you get from exposure to other writing and developing an understanding of the language in question if not language in general

my linguistics background is helpful because i have a mental framework for parts and structure of language, so i can recognize things in a character's speech patterns, which makes me more aware of them, and i know What i am trying to replicate and the linguistic environment i expect it to be in, rather than just trying to get at it without actually knowing what it is. this also then helps me extrapolate to things the character never said but that i want them to say in my fanfiction.

example. there are like three minimum variants of english in play in any given episode of downton abbey. but there is no downton abbey character who exhibits every single feature associated with, say, northern [england] english, because that is a very broad group of language variants, and it is conspicuous to me when i see fanfic where a character is using language that is typical of northern english but Not of the character. so having that understanding of the building blocks of language helps me avoid, like, what i see as almost a shortcut of trying to get character voice correct but that can actually put you further from where you want to be

that said. obviously not everyone can get a linguistics degree lol so i don't think that's helpful. though i would encourage anyone who wants to find new ways to match up today language with past language to do a little bit of looking into functional grammar. but i think the general advice is to pay attention to how your characters talk and think about how/when they say what they do and where that might change in canon.

and of course, this is a really methodical approach because i am a very methodical writer, and it is an approach i have developed over many years of writing, and not everyone jives with that and the best method for you might be different - but i do think this is how i think about it !!

oh i also spend a LOT of time with a thesaurus... i try to make sure i'm considering words i don't tend to use because they might be more true to the character than the one my mind goes to for the meaning

and to add on to that, sometimes characters use words that mean things to mean something a word generally does not mean, or more commonly will use a variant of a common phrase that is not my preference and so i try to accept this with an open heart and not change it to what my brain wants it to be. see thomas "could care less" barrow. i usually instinctively write it the other way and then have to go back and change it!!

[robotonthemoon]

Beginning of Learning

I've been meaning to write this for a while. As I have previously mentioned here, I am told that market socialism would be a pretty good fit for me. Learning has been a journey that has taken me from some pretty deeply modern republican and libertarian views. I just wanted to share a bit of that journey. I'll put a break here because this will be long.

I am going to be completely honest here: the rise of Trump and his cult of personality has been a major force in driving me away from the party. I cannot stand the man and have never voted for him, even when he was unopposed in the 2020 primary. I just can't fathom how people can hitch their wagon to a guy who has been bankrupt that many times and couldn't sell alcohol, red meat, and gambling to Americans; as though he were some kind of business genius.

But this isn't about him. My journey started before his rise. And it didn't come from leftists telling me "hey, you should believe XYZ" even if I have since learned a lot from left leaning folks. No, my education really started from examining historical figures from the republican party.

"Labor is prior to and independent of capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration."

Sounds like something a modern union organiser would say, doesn't it? And yet that was President Abraham Lincoln in his First Annual Address (December 3rd, 1861). Now Abe does go on to state that capital is deserving of its own protections, but he started with and emphasised the greater value and importance of labour.

"It is better for the Government to help a poor man to make a living for his family than to help a rich man make more profit for his company."

And this is from President Theodore Roosevelt (brace for it because I will be mentioning him again). These sentiments really helped push me away from notions of corporate superiority. I fully endorse labour rights and unions now, and can certainly understand where the argument for workers owning the means of production would come from.

Not much of a segue here, but I wanted to mention that if it weren't for health problems (and to a degree concerns about being outed as queer back in the late 90s and early 2000s) I would have considered military service. Probably the Coast Guard. I have a lot of respect for the good work the coasties do, especially the rescue services. Repelling out of a helicopter in the middle of a storm to pull someone out of the ocean is just... heroic.

That said, while I think we need to take better care of our service people, my attitude toward the role of capitalism in respects to the military were very much changed when I read President Dwight Eisenhower's Chance for Peace speech (April 16th, 1953).

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement. We pay for a single fighter with a half-million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. . . . This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."

This famous section in particular really struck me. He warns us about the military industrial complex. How our priority cannot be military might at the cost of the citizenry. Then I considered this in light of the Bush/Cheney administration findings (at the time, the current value may be different) that the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program (SNAP, aka foodstamps) created something like $1.63 in economic stimulus for every dollar spent. A 63% gain on investment is excellent, in addition to helping people! Frankly, I feel like that means we'd do well to just eliminate means testing and give benefits to anyone who asks for it. Reduces bureaucratic overhead and waste while providing more economic benefits. Win win. And on the argument of taxes being put to this purpose:

"Taxes are what we pay for civilized society" Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (supreme court justice, republican)

My father is a bit of a hippie. He raised me with a lot of talk about saving the environment. Some of that sank in, but I must admit to having periods in my life where I thought along the lines of "screw it, just pave everything". Not anymore. I am strongly in support of environmental protections and restrictions on industry to protect nature. Here's where Teddy Roosevelt comes back in.

“We have become great because of the lavish use of our resources. But the time has come to inquire seriously what will happen when our forests are gone, when the coal, the iron, the oil, and the gas are exhausted, when the soils have still further impoverished and washed into the streams, polluting the rivers, denuding the fields and obstructing navigation.”

Now, Teddy was saying this is the very early 1900s, more than a century ago. I wish we had listened more aptly.

“Defenders of the short-sighted men who in their greed and selfishness will, if permitted, rob our country of half its charm by their reckless extermination of all useful and beautiful wild things sometimes seek to champion them by saying the ‘the game belongs to the people.’ So it does; and not merely to the people now alive, but to the unborn people. The ‘greatest good for the greatest number’ applies to the number within the womb of time, compared to which those now alive form but an insignificant fraction. Our duty to the whole, including the unborn generations, bids us restrain an unprincipled present-day minority from wasting the heritage of these unborn generations. The movement for the conservation of wild life and the larger movement for the conservation of all our natural resources are essentially democratic in spirit, purpose, and method.”

How could I not be moved by this? There are many other quotes by Roosevelt that I could share on the subject of conservation, and I encourage people to look into them, but I will refrain from posting them here because I've already gone on at length.

"This country will not permanently be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a reasonably good place for all of us to live in."

One more good Teddy Roosevelt quote to end this with. I hope I have succeeded at least a bit in explaining what started me on the road I'm on now. I'm still learning, and I'm sure I have a ways to go still. I will state, because this is the internet and I know the arguments that could come from this, that I am not claiming these men were perfect. In fact I am quite certain they did plenty of terrible things. I acknowledge that. But that doesn't mean I can't also respect the good they did.

I still consider myself something of a conservative, but my understanding of what that means has changed greatly. Perhaps I am completely mistaken, and I am far more a leftist than I recognise. I believe in slow but steady economic growth and long term outlooks. In building a solid economic base by prioritising workers. In caring for people, rather than judging and discarding those who cannot work. In protecting the environment (the EPA was even started by Nixon) rather than ruining it for next quarter's financial gain.

Not the modern neoliberalism, anti-regulation, profit first thinking that pervades the current right wing. I wonder if Ike is spinning in his grave to see the sort of fascy candidates the party puts forth nowadays, given he commanded forces against their ilk in WW2.

If you have read this far, I thank you for your patience. I know this may draw some people's ire. If you are on the right and feel the need to shout at me, I ask that you learn and consider more of our past. And if you are on the left, I ask you to remember that an imperfect ally is not the same as an enemy.

Have a wonderful day, genuinely. Thank you for your time.

[whump-ghoul]

Whump Month #3 ‘Infirmary’

Day 3 of @cirrus-ghoulette's whump month!

Summary: After a small crisis, Marlowe visits the infirmary in hopes of sneaking away with some bandages. However, he wasn’t expecting a certain ghoul to be there. 

Using this day to finish off a chapter of an unposted fic starring my Bishop OC Marlowe!

Tags: Aether/Marlowe / Angst / Original Male Character / Hurt/Comfort

Content Warnings: Depictions of Self Harm / Depression / Burns / Blood - PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS

For me, this is just a cathartic way of dealing with stuff. 

WC: 1399

The night shift at the infirmary was no fun, that’s what Aether had decided within his first few months of being summoned.

Now, years later, he still despised the long, arduous shift of little meaning or action. Sometimes there’d be the odd drunk sibling arriving after a stunt gone wrong, or to recover from their overindulgence, and even more rarely: a fever that required immediate intervention. 

It had been months since the last event, and since taking over this shift from another sibling who was otherwise ‘incapacitated’, Aether had already gotten through every task his routine allowed. He’d arrive, check any patients left from the day (none), check the supplies (apparently things were going missing), check the order lists, tidy whatever mess was left about and then return to his desk for hours of reading. He was nearly as well-read as Cirrus at this point.

To a degree, he wondered just why he was posted at the infirmary. Though it was likely someone to do with the clergy bothering to learn little of their essences and hobbies. Again, Mountain would have been better suited; he was responsible for a lot of the tinctures and balms and herbal remedies lining the medicine shelves of the small infirmary… though Aether figured it had something to do with the giant's lack of bedside manners and tall build. According to a drugged up Sister of Sin, Aether was far more palatable to wake up to. The memory crinkled his eyes from a smile as he tried to focus on his book; a historical fiction novel he’d ordered from one of those online second-hand stores. Every month or two, himself, Cirrus and Mountain scrolled through endless pages until they found something new to read, as there was only so much entertainment on offer at the Abbey grounds. 

Yet something set him on edge, and had his mind wandering.

Marlowe. 

The exhausted Bishop who smelt of blood, spirits and pain - the man that wore the weight of the world on his shoulder-

-came stumbling through the door, stopping like a deer in the headlights as soon as he saw Aether’s eyes on him. 

His heart rate was dangerously high, his breathing labored and every movement had him wincing in pain. Aether paused behind the check-in-desk-turned-nurse-station.

“Marlowe.” He said blatantly, knowing he had to play this very gently if he didn’t want the man to flee like a spooked cat.

“Uh- hi- hello.” He slurred, caught between eyeing the door and the cabinet where the bandages were kept. He was dressed in plaid pyjama pants, a hoodie and socks. His hands were jammed into the front pocket: the metallic scent of blood wafted from one dark sleeve. He gulped. 

“What can I help you with?” Aether offered, brows pinched in worry. He seemed out of it; a sweat breaking out on his forehead. His papal makeup, not yet removed, had been smudged with what Aether hoped weren’t tears.

“I- I- need- I need- shit.” He ducked his head, obscured by the large hood as he stammered and shifted on his feet. Aether quietly got up and moved towards one of the old beds. 

“Hey, it’s alright. Can you come and sit down? You look like you’re gonna pass out.” 

“M’ no, no It’s s’fine.” He slurred, shaking his head as he stepped against the wall, he nearly lost his footing on the way. At this, the ghoul strode towards him, stopping a short distance away. 

“It’s fine. Sorry, I’m-“ Aether just had enough time to catch him as he listed forward, face ashen. He brought Marlowe to his broad chest, he was awake, but unaware and compliant. The quintessence ghoul couldn’t help but smell the alcohol on his breath. 

“Just breathe through it, Marlowe. C’mere, I’ve got you.” Aether prompted, smoothing his hand down the bishop's bony spine. 

“Come and sit down?” He asked, adding the next with a grin: “It’ll be comfier than passing out on the floor.” 

After a moment of consideration; where he looked to and from the door a few times, Marlowe shrugged off Aether's hand, and shuffled over on socked feet, just about able to remain upright as he perched on the edge of the bed. He was not about to allow himself the luxury of laying down as his heart was still racing; his right leg shaking up and down as he barely suppressed his panic. Wordlessly, Aether pulled a chair over to sit in front of him. 

“I smell blood, Marlowe.” Aether pushed gently, holding a hand out. “Can I see?” 

“It- I can do it myself - I just need some bandages - please.” 

Tears were dripping down his face. He shook as though in the throes of shock, and Aether was concerned he actually was. 

“You know I can’t do that.” Aether pressed gently, placing a stilling hand on the bishop's bouncing knee, though his whole body continued to tremble. 

“Please.” Marlowe’s voice was barely above a whisper; a hint of alcohol on his breath. 

“Hey.” The ghoul responded in an equally-as-small voice. He didn’t continue until Marlowe made fleeting eye contact with him. The poor man was exhausted. 

“You looked after my pack, right?” He said. “Sunny told me you offered to finish their job because they were feeling unwell. You also took a beating for us when those siblings got too harsh with their words. You made Swiss feel better when he was struggling to practice… hell you even passed out after summoning Infernal Essences for the abbey ghouls. You work yourself to the bone; we hardly see you eat or even relax. I’ve only heard pieces of what you went through but you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to seek out self destruction, I promise. 

You look out for my pack, so let me look out for you.” 

Aether held his hand out again: “I promise it’s okay.” 

A minute later, Marlowe held his arm out, and the ghoul internally rejoiced. Aether took the skinny appendage in his large hand and carefully pulled away the leather glove Marlowe insisted on wearing. He then pushed the sleeve of his hoodie up. What he saw gave him pause. 

Deep, poorly-healed burn scars covered his arm from the back of his hand, all the way to his upper arm. Pink and pale mottled flesh pulled across muscles and tendons; sections of pale skin broken and separated like dried mud in summer. Along the scar were further cuts. One freely bled beneath a wad of tissue taped to it; cut too deep as other small ones, haphazard in their placement, beaded blood to the surface. White scars lined the mottled flesh, running from the wrist to beyond the bunched sleeve. 

Marlowe didn’t say anything, his drooping eyes cast to a point beyond Aether as he struggled to stay awake. 

Silently, Aether got to work. First pulling a pair of vinyl gloves on, and preparing the bandages he’d need. He carefully peeled away the makeshift plaster from Marlowes skin, noting the disturbing lack of pain registration. He worked as quickly as possible, yet kept his touch gentle. He apologized when Marlowe hissed at the antiseptic wipe and the accompanying butterfly bandages, but offered praise as he passed rolls of bandages over his arm. 

“There.” He hummed, taping down the last of the wraps. His touch lingered, offering a light pulse of quintessence energy to promote healing, yet this only exhausted the Bishop further. 

Throughout the ordeal, his shoulders shook and his chest heaved with the effort of keeping his tears to a minimum. Aether looked at him with sad eyes; reaching up to cup his stubbly chin in his calloused hand. It was a silent plea for Marlowe to open up, but the bishop had desires of further clandestinity. 

“How long?” Aether asked. Marlowe shook his head. Too long, then. 

“No one was supposed to see.” Marlowe rasped, in a voice so petulant and timid. He dipped his head to one side, embarrassed. The quintessence ghoul took that as his queue to pull up the hood and roll down his sleeve, for the first time he was at a loss at what to do.  

“Just… please don’t tell anyone.” He sniffed, and despite his better judgment, Aether knew he had to make a promise. 

“I won’t.” He said sincerely, brushing his thumb across the bishop's cheek. “I promise.”

[menalez]

Same woman who thought lesbian separatist is a dumb term. I didn't explain myself correctly: for me (and idk if it's correct) the most basic a form of separatism is just not partnering romantically with men. Lesbians already do that by virtue of being themselves. So they fulfill the most important term, being separatist by definition. Being woman centered is also the most basic form of radical feminism in itself. But after reading u I'm wondering if my definitions are not the ones accepted by the community. Like on a scale of separatism, the lowest one is not being romantically involved with men since it's the most important, time and energy consuming part of life with men as a woman, so all lesbians are by definition separatist for me. Is that not correct?

honestly, maybe the reason so many women on here conflate separatist with lesbian is because many do think of separatism as something as simple as just not dating men. but by definition, this is not all that separatism is. not every lesbian is a separatist, because there are many lesbians who cohabitate with men, employ men, surroud themselves with men, etc.

here is how marilyn frye, a radical feminist, defined separatism:

separation of various sorts or modes from men and from institutions, relationships, roles and activities that are male-defined, male-dominated, and operating for the benefit of males and the maintenance of male privilege – this separation being initiated or maintained, at will, by women.

to put it differently, to be a separatist is to be female-centric to another degree. not simply not dating men, which is an aspect of it, but also not centering men, not cohabitating with men, not hiring men, not surrounding yourself with men, not benefiting men, and more. a lesbian is only fulfilling one aspect by virtue of her sexuality, which is not dating men.

female separatism and lesbian separatism are overlapping, yet different ideologies. lesbian separatists can refer to two different groups: lesbians that are separatists and lesbians that advocate for lesbian separatism.

lesbian separatism basically is not only advocating for separatism from males, it is also advocating for separatism from heterosexuals. instead of simply being female-centric, lesbian separatists are also lesbian-centric.

that said, when you look into lesbian separatism, you'll see a lot of it revolves around political lesbianism, at least historically. so, i guess we could say there's multiple versions of lesbian separatism.

[aestheticvoyage2023]

Day 83: Friday March 24, 2023 - “Detours and Scenic Routes”

A few hours after finishing a totally unnecessary, peaceful and enjoyable out and back to Coeur D’Alene, for the simple fact of connecting some scribbles on a map and running new track under Idaho sunset, I was back in the drivers seat, in the cold, snow, and ice (I literally fell on my ass in the parking lot to start the day, before having to scrape my windows of the ice and snow that had fallen over night) of a 5am 2 lane highway to start working my way back to Boise. Only thing I have to do today, is “go home” - and I relished the idea that the way would be unwritten - all new scenes and stories, towns and roads, to find.

Hit Lewiston, Idaho about the time it started to get light, and the tempreature rose to 32 degrees as I crossed the Snake River.  Settled into a podcast, enjoyed the view of the snow covered pines on both sides of the road, losing track of the miles when I came up on a police car blocking the highway.  He explained I was being detoured, said something about following Cottonwood Creek, and how the highway would be closed for a couple of hours due to an accident.  I would find out later that about a half hour before there had been a fatal accident.  I turned around and started working on a 3 hour adventure of my own to find my way through bad service, no map or knowledge of the roads, and a rental car that lacked the proper equipment and clearance to take on what I was going to throw at it getting through Nez Perce territory.

Wasn’t quite the shenanigans that Lewis & Clark would’ve had coming through here, and I was inspired to find that I had unknowingly dropped my self onto their trail as I drove along the Clearwater River and Idaho 12 through towns like Peck and Orofino, looking to figure out my way back to the 95 and down to Boise.  My navigation kept wanting to route me up and over old stage coach dirt roads that showed promise early, but found snow and ice covered only a few miles up.  At one point I slowly backed my rental backwards for 3 miles down the winding road, figuring that was safer than attempting to turn it around.  One thing I learned in Bellingham, snow and ice, grades and ditches dont all mix well.   And the last thing I needed was to get myself stranded out here with no service where literally no one, including myself, knows where I am, and Luke isn’t in this time zone to come rescue me.  Itd be a story, Id really rather not have to tell.

Eventually I got routed up onto the right road that got me up out of the river canyon and onto the prairie above Stites.   I followed the long dirt paths of open field, open sky, for several miles, just enjoying the view and the opportunity to soak in this landscape I would have otherwise missed without the detour.  The clouds started to break and I got a little bit of blue sky.  I turned up the radio, put the window down to that 38 degree breeze and texted Audrie that I had finally made it out of the woods.   I came out over White Bird Canyon, and was met with such an eye popping view of the rolling hills that I had to stop the car and take a picture.  Its part of the Nez Perce National Historic Park, and a marker identified the battle that took place here between the US Army and Chief Joseph’s Indians. The Indians won and I was happy for that.  As I often do when I find these places on the road, I’ll stop and learn and read what I can.  Looking it up, and making a mental note of why the land here is significant. Felt sad that not far up the road we were celebrating the arrival of the White man in Lewis & Clark and how the Nez Perce had helped them; I can not imagine they’d approve of how it evolved to June 1877.  

From there I would send periodic updates as I meandered (literally) my way through little small towns that slowed the parade down to 25 mph every 20-30 minutes; Grangeville, New Meadows, McCall, Cascade, Donnelly. Putting down some new track through places that seemed to have 15 feet of snow on their roofs.  It will be a long wet spring here, eventually.   From Smith’s Ferry to Horseshoe Bend I wound through constant curves of one lane single file traffic, and places advertising for river rafting on the Payette River and other adventures.  This is the backcountry playground of Boisians, for sure.  Beautiful country and I felt blessed, despite the traffic, to take it in and see it for myself.  Someday I’ll run into someone from Banks Idaho, and I’ll know exactly what I’ll tell about the day I first drove through here.   And eventually the highway would go from 2 to 4 lanes, then 6 before dropping me back down suddenly right into Boise where I would turn in my steed and start the air travel portion of my trek home where nothing would be near as memorable or noteworthy as my excursion through the snowy hills of Idaho.  Id stop for a few minutes and retrace my route, literally figuring out where the hell Id been, updating my scribble map after some good hard earned beautiful miles in God’s country.

Song: Tyler Childers - Shake The Frost

Quote: 

There's this flash I get often, a fever dream or a vision of sorts Most times late at night And I haven't found out why, but I know exactly why I'm on this road and I hear gravel underneath me, and I feel it too And I don't know where I am, but I know exactly where I am It's dark, It's really dark And the car is warm, but somehow I can feel how cold the night is I don't know where the road leads, but I know exactly where it ends You see, I keep driving And all I see for the longest while is my headlights, for an eternity it seems And everything is desolate and empty and nothing and hopeless I'm lost, but I know where I'm going I'm safe, I'm warm, I'm driving And I see this small light A dim one, growing brighter and bigger and closer and stronger And the closer I get, the more I see I make out a house with light strewn across it, a porch, and cars Some frosted windshields that haven't been touched for hours I hear a song, and it's faint, I can't make out the name but I know every word I feel my feet first And it's cold, and they're crunching, and it's the sound of driveways And the wind takes my breath with it And then I walk up to this door, and I knock even though I feel like I don't have to And I don't know where I am, but I know exactly where I am And this crack of light widens on this porch underneath me as this door opens And this brown haired girl with the brightest smile I don't know who she is, but I know her so well And behind her, the warmest home I'd ever seen It's orange and comfortable, there's fire and it's bulb lit She says "Where have you been? I've been waiting for you all night, we've missed you" She says to the kindest smirk I'd seen in so long Then she tapers off the sentence with the, with peaceful sound that a lady makes She grabs me on the forearms, pulls softly into the dining room And there's people, and they're happy, and they're content for one I don't know who they are, but I know exactly who they are And we're all standing, and I'm laughing at a joke I'll never hear again I don't know where I am, but I know exactly where I am And then she tucks her head between my collar as a friend Between my collar and my jaw, and there's no weight at all And I don't know where I am, but there's no weight at all It's laughter and grins and no tomorrow to win And I don't know where I am, but I know exactly where I am I don't know where I am, but I know exactly where I am

~Zach Bryan, This Road I Know