#i don't mean this post to cause panic or distress

[sleepanonymous]

This is a reminder to everyone in North America who is unable to get tickets for the pre-sale and general sale of Sleep Token’s Teeth of God tour. DO NOT buy resale tickets through third-party vendors like StubHub, Seat Geek, Vivid Seats, etc. Tickets for the Teeth of God tour are mobile-only and non-transferable. This means the seller will not be able to transfer the tickets you purchased from them. The only reliable way to purchase tickets to this tour is through Ticketmaster or your local venue’s ticketing system. Please protect yourself and do not get scammed. If you do not have tickets and need tickets, check out the list I’ve created below the cut. Once pre-sales/general sales are over, I’ll update this post with more links. For more context, check my post here.

Saturday, April 27 – Las Vegas, Nevada Sick New World Music Festival Purchase Tickets through Sick New World’s Website. Third-party sites and sellers can transfer mobile tickets.

Tuesday, April 30 – Phoenix, Arizona Arizona Financial Theatre 400 W Washington St, Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 379-2800 Purchase tickets resale through Ticketmaster.

Wednesday, May 1 – Albuquerque, New Mexico Revel Entertainment Center 4720 Alexander Blvd NE, Albuquerque, NM 87107 (505) 321-0406 Purchase tickets resale through Prekindle.

Friday, May 3 – Austin, Texas H-E-B Center 2100 Ave of the Stars, Cedar Park, TX 78613 (512) 600-5000 Purchase Tickets resale through Ticketmaster.

Saturday, May 4 – Dallas, Texas Toyota Music Factory 316 W Las Colinas Blvd., Irving, TX 75039 (469) 840-9730 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Monday, May 6 – Tampa, Florida Yuengling Center 12499 USF Bull Run Drive, Tampa, FL 33617 (813) 974-3111 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Tuesday, May 7 – Atlanta, Georgia Coca-Cola Roxy 800 Battery Ave SE #500, Atlanta, GA 30339 (470) 351-3866 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Wednesday, May 8 – Asheville, North Carolina ExploreAshville.com Arena 87 Haywood St, Asheville, NC 28801 (828) 259-5736 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Friday, May 10 – St. Louis, Missouri The Factory 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, MO 63005 (314) 423-8500 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Sunday, May 12 – Morrison, Colorado Red Rocks Amphitheatre 18300 W Alameda Pkwy, Morrison, CO 80465 (720) 865-2494 Purchase Tickets through AXS. Third-party sites and sellers can transfer mobile tickets.

Tuesday May 14 – Des Moines, Iowa Vibrant Music Hall 2938 Grand Prairie Pkwy, Waukee, IA 50263 (515) 895-4980 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Wednesday, May 15 & Thursday, May 16 – Chicago, Illinois Salt Shed 1357 N Elston Ave, Chicago, IL 60642 (708) 967-2168 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster. Third-party sites and sellers can transfer mobile tickets.

Saturday, May 18 – Columbus, Ohio Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival Purchase Tickets through Sonic Temple’s Website. Third-party sites and sellers can transfer mobile tickets.

Sunday, May 19 – Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Petersen Events Center 3719 Terrace St, Pittsburgh, PA 15261 (412) 648-3054 Purchase Tickets through AXS.

Monday, May 20 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania The Met 858 N Broad St, Philadelphia, PA 19130 (800) 653-8000 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Wednesday, May 22 – New York, New York Radio City Music Hall 1260 6th Ave, New York, NY 10020 (212) 465-6000 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster. Third-party sites and sellers can transfer mobile tickets.

Friday, May 24 – Boston, Massachusetts MGM Music Hall 2 Lansdowne St, Boston, MA 02215 (617) 488-7540 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Saturday, May 25 – Laval, Quebec Place Bell 1950 Rue Claude-Gagné, Laval, QC H7N 0E4, Canada (514) 492-1775 Purchase Tickets through Ticketmaster.

Monday, May 27 & Tuesday May 28– Toronto, Ontario Massey Hall 178 Victoria St, Toronto, ON M5B 1T7, Canada (416) 872-4255 Purchase Tickets through Massey Hall.

[reiderwriter]

Elevator Pitch

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

WC: 2k!!

Warnings: Smut, fingering, semi-public sex/ foreplay, praise kink-ish, some pet names completely ignored Spencer's germophobia to make this work 18+ MINORS DNI

Summary: Getting trapped in an elevator is never fun, but at least the attractive you're sharing the metal box of death with has an interesting idea about how you can pass the time.

A/N: This is just a really quick drabble for @imagining-in-the-margins Meet Cute challenge for this month!! I have an idea for another one that I'll post closer to Halloween too, so look forward to that alongside all the kinktober fics 👀

Check out my masterlist here!

You weren't planning on running late on your very first day on your new team, but here you were. You were scheduled to meet Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner in his office at 9 a.m. sharp, and here you were at 8:57, trapped inside an elevator. At least you weren't alone, but alone with a stranger, and one who seemed to be talkative in the worst way wasn't exactly ideal either. 

"Hey, don't panic. There are about 6 elevator-related deaths per year and about 100,000 injuries. I'm pretty confident about those statistics." He said, taking a sip of his coffee as he stood calmly by the door, pressing buttons and waiting for something to happen. 

"Oh god, I'm gonna die in here." You whimpered a little bit, falling to your knees and screwing your eyes shut. 

"No, I said we're not gonna die. Or its at least very unlikely." 

"And I'm supposed to trust you?" 

"Yes, I'm very good with numbers. Elevator accidents account for 0.00024% of all elevators in service in the US. There you don't have to panic anymore." Almost punctuating his words, the elevator gave a low groan and fell an inch lower, pushing him off balance and toppling to the floor right next to you. 

"That was just unfortunate timing." He said, his breath hitting your face. Your eyes opened again finally, and you noticed that due to his topple, he was way closer than before, face merely inches from your own. Whoever this overconfident stranger was, he was attractive. Distractingly so, as you didn't respond to his sentence the entire time he was there in front of you, words suddenly escaping you as you stared into his dark, wide eyes. 

"Mechanical issues are the cause of about 15.3% of elevator incidents. Since we're in Quantico, we can probably rule out foul play, which means that they'll probably have us back up and running in around 27 minutes." Opening his mouth ruined the fantasy for a minute, waking you up to the reality of your situation. 

"Did you work an elevator case or something, why do you know so much about this?" You regretted the question as soon as you asked it, as he launched into another speech. 

"I read the statistical reports published by the CPSC and the OSHA. It’s really interesting stuff actually, there are-”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way but I need you to shut up. I don’t think I can take any more statistics about my inevitable death by elevator. Can we do something else instead?”

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know. Can you… Can you hold my hand?” You felt yourself flush red the second the words left your mouth, and suddenly it was your turn to talk too much. “My mom used to do it when I was scared as a kid, and obviously you’re not my mom, and you don’t even know me, but I thought it could help comfort both of us. Human contact and touch is supposedly comforting in times of distress so I just thought…” He cut you off by silently grabbing your hand and settling into a seated position beside you and you sent a little prayer up to god to spare both your soul and your heart. 

Because Jesus Christ it was beating hard now.

“Oxytocin,” he said and you looked up at him with a questioning look. “Oxytocin is released when you come into contact with other people, it’s the reason newborn babies benefit from skin-to-skin contact and why humans enjoy petting domestic animals so much. And the whole sex to destress thing.” He nodded and looked away, but you could have sworn the oxygen was completely sucked out of the room when he mentioned sex. 

“Sex?” He turned to you as you said the word, as if processing the conversation you were in the middle of it. 

“Yeah, never heard of it?” You rolled your eyes and squeezed his hand in your own for a second, but his body was leaning closer into yours now, his entire attention on you, as if he expected you to answer the question. 

“Of course I have.” 

“And what do you think? Can it help you de-stress?” 

Your mouth moves before you can stop it. “Can we stop talking about this please, I’m already scared, I don’t need to be scared and horny.” You close your eyes and groan as his widen again, and suddenly you’re praying again, but this time you wouldn’t really mind if you became one of those six elevator malfunction deaths. 

“I don’t know, maybe it would help you. There are some studies that show that stress can have aphrodisiacal impacts in women, you know?” His voice was light, but your entire body stiffened as you looked into his eyes, trying to gauge what this stranger was offering. 

“So what, you’re suggesting I just get more and more turned on until I’m not worried about death?” 

“No, I’m suggesting I close the gap between us and distract you for a while.” You spared a glance down to his lips then, his tongue darting out to lick them and pulling you in closer. You nodded quickly, a small movement and he pushed his lips down into yours. 

He was soft at first, and you almost felt like pulling away and scalding yourself for engaging in risky behavior during a near-death experience. But just as you moved to pull away, his hand came up to your hair and you melted right back into him, the kiss deepening as you slanted your neck up to give up more of yourself to him. 

You barely feel his hands pulling you into his lap, but you’re suddenly there and so happy you are. Your free hand wanders up to his chest as he squeezes your connected digits again, sending your heart into a fit of palpitations. In a panic you pull away, groaning a little as you can feel his not stiff member poking between your legs. 

“Sorry, I don’t think we exchanged names. I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N..” 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” His lips fall down to your neck as he whispers the words into your skin, and you let your head fall back as his hands untangle from you and fall to your hips, encouraging your movements as you begin grinding over him.

“And you said we had twenty-seven minutes before we’re free, right?” 

“Whose the one talking too much now?” He bit into your neck sharply then, and you moaned out, battling the urge to let him take you there on the elevator floor. From it’s perch on your hip, his hand slips down and pops the button in your pants, pushing inside and finally touching you through your panties.

“That’s it, good girl, just keep grinding down on me.” Unconsciously, you press your hips into his hands, the pressure leaving you letting out a whistful sigh of relief. 

“God,… Should we be doing this here?” Your words were unsure, but your movements weren’t as you pushed yourself into him again and again, desperate to feel more of him as he rubbed circles into your clit, driving you closer and closer to your peak. 

“Let’s assume for now that the elevator malfunction has wiped out the CCTV,” he says, lips pressing against your skin as you lose yourself in his touch again. “We absolutely should be doing this.” 

His words fell straight to your core, and you felt yourself grow more aroused as you pondered being caught in such an intimate position with a stranger.

“You think you can cum right here, baby? Think you can give me one soon?” His words almost sent you over the edge, his smile widening as your hips twitched over his. 

“Fuck, yes, yes, please, don’t stop.” 

“Not so scared about this elevator anymore are you? Or did you want to spend your last moments coming undone in my hands?” With his words, you lost the ability to speak, simply moaning out your agreement to his every word. 

“I think I can hear someone talking through the walls, baby, you’re going to have to cum now for me, can you do that?” You nodded to him as he increased his pace on your words, and within seconds, you were letting it all out, head falling against his shoulder as you twitched through your orgasm. He pulled his hands out of your pants quickly and pressed a kiss to your lips, pulling you up to a standing position and making you look presentable as the doors to the elevator were finally pried open from the other side. 

“Hey, how are you guys holding up in there?” The call came from the maintenance staff, and you were sudden;y thankful that he’d finished you off when he did because as horny as you’d been, actually getting caught like that was something entirely different than the fantasy of it. 

You’re almost sorry that you have to leave when you do, suddenly absolutely involved in helping him “destress” the same way he’d helped you out. But he removes his hands from you and strikes up a conversation with the maintenance staff working to get your elevator level with the floor doors. You gravitate to the back of the stall, gripping the railing while your brain catches up to the circumstances. 

In no time, the elevator is back in working order, and you and your stranger are stepping foot on steady ground again, and saying your goodbyes.  

“Aaron Hotchner’s office is through those doors. Up the stairs to the left.” He smiles and nods at you before turning down the corridor and leaving you there by yourself. A glance at your clock tells you you’re too late to question his words, and how he even knew where you were going. You take off down the hall, ready to profusely apologize to your new boss and pledge to take the stairs for the rest of your days. 

When Hotch finally greets you, he has already heard about the elevator malfunction, and all is thankfully forgiven. You have to bite your tongue before asking if everyone on this floor is psychic. But you’re still late, and you have a case, so your introductions have to take place in the briefing room and you half-run, half-walk behind the older man as he makes his way down the hall. 

“Everyone we have a new team member today, please help her out for this first one and show her the ropes.” He introduces you by name, and you’re suddenly doing your best to memorize the names of a Prentiss, a Rossi, a Morgan, a JJ, and one Penelope Garcia. They seem to be waiting for someone else, but with the clock ticking, Penelope begins debriefing you on the next case.  

“Sorry I’m late,” a voice calls from the door, and you feel the hairs on your neck stand up in shock as everyone slowly turns to greet the newcomer. 

“What time do you call this?” Morgan laughs as the familiar man approaches, and a quick glance around tells you that the only seat left at the table, which had been so obviously reserved by the pile of paper files in contrast to everyone else's digital alternatives, was right next to you. 

“Spencer, we have a new team member, this is Y/N. She’ll be joining us on cases from today onwards.” Hotch quickly says, and you lock eyes with the man just as he falls into his seat. 

“I think we’re acquainted. Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Spencer Reid.” The room falls silent as he holds out his hand for you to shake, and you do your best to not show your shock and embarrassment on your face. You let your hand fall into his, the same one that you’d held earlier, the same one that had worked you up to the edge and then helped you pour over it, the same one that had pulled you together afterward. You said nothing after you’d finally pulled apart, waiting for him to make the next move once again. 

“I look forward to working with you.” 

[the80srewinders]

We were looking at r/fakedisordercringe and r/systemscringe (bad idea) and we found a lot of misinformation. We're going to correct the myths in this post, and this will be a team effort by a few other sysmates. They will be credited at the end of the post.

Trigger warnings for abuse, RAMCOA and denial apply.

This person is trying to invalidate RAMCOA. And they're using an inaccurate study to prove it.

We have, in fact, read this study. It seems largely stereotype driven instead of a true unbiased study because people with other, often traumagenic mental disorders (like cluster b personality disorders) often are open about the trauma they truly experienced if these disorders affect them to have attention seeking behavior. And this study failed to mention that. For the "having told persons other than close confidants" part, its often unsafe for people with DID, much less people who developed it from RAMCOA to be open about it in person to people they know. They feel safer venting or sharing their experience online because theres the optional anonymity you can choose and you're safe from anyone who abused you. Its not attention seeking- its seeking support.

I do agree with the telling of alleged abuse without accompanying shame, guilt or suffering" part to an extent. If you're talking about trauma you claim you remember and have no distress, that's a sign you're either faking or really detached from your memories. But most of the "alleged" abuse these people are talking about they don't remember because thats how childhood trauma and DID work. Many singlets with childhood trauma don't remember majority or any of it because the brain "forgets" different aspects of trauma. And DID is a posttraumatic dissociative disorder entirely based on amnesia of trauma to survive. So if the person is being open about abuse with no distress, it could also be because they don't remember it but know it happened because of clues. Can't feel distress of remembering something you don't remember.

While RAMCOA has strayed away from its original meaning, that's because of misuse (and we blame both the ISSTD and misinformed mental health "professionals" for that along with media presentations.) RAMCOA stands for ritual abuse, mind control and organized abuse. The hyped satanic panic and gory sacrifices are only a small part of the acronym. Mind control doesn't have to be done by a cult. Ever been brainwashed by anyone? Thats a form of mind control. Organized abuse is more common than the satanic, stereotyped ritual abuse. OEA is a simple and inclusive term, and can encompass all forms of RAMCOA but also isn't widely recognized or used yet. And as far as the "HC-DID" term, DID is already highly complex even in people who aren't OEA survivors- DID and OSDD-1 are considered complex dissociative disorders. The term is basically just a fancy way of saying "hey I'm polyfrag because of RAMCOA!" All you need to say is that you're polyfrag because of RAMCOA, you don't need a fancy label for everything.

And yes, introjects are common in neurodivergent systems. Lets go ahead and do autism as an example: being autistic causes distress from hypersensitivity, its a common and documented autistic trait to hyperfixate, people with autism deal with rejection and social anxiety because of how autism works, and people with autism are more likely to be abused. Being autistic is traumatizing itself and this is why neurodivergent systems have plenty of introjects. Especially fictives; people with autism often seek comfort in fiction. And if alters in DID only develop during or after trauma, then this whole theory is solid.

This person is truly uneducated in how abuse survivors brains work especially RAMCOA. These survivors don't label the organization, cult or not, out of fear; when they were programmed, the idea anyone they told - especially if they shared the organizations name- would be in danger or die, or the survivors themselves would be in danger or die was programmed in them. If they're talking about it for awareness, just sharing their lived experiences is all that's needed. Sharing the name of the organization paints a target on the backs of the survivors and their close family and friends. And not every cult is going to present itself in an obvious way especially if they involve RAMCOA. They're going to make it seem like some new religious or pagan movement instead of a traumatizing cult. And yes, they do remain hidden.

This is ableist. If this person is referring to DID/OSDD, that's permanent and even if all alters fuse the ability to split them off again is still there. DID/OSDD are not disorders that can be fixed. Its a permanent rewiring of the brain due to frequent and overwhelming trauma. This involves a missed neurodevelopmental stage (the ego states fusing into one cohesive sense of self before the age of 6-10) and a posttraumatic survival response. Basically, DID/OSDD can't be "fixed" because our brains missed that developmental stage and this is how our brains are permanently. The "you get therapy to fix what went wrong so you can be one whole person as you were meant to be" is ableist and outdated. Its based on the old view of DID/OSDD treatment back when it was called multiple personality disorder: work on the trauma then force the system to fuse into one identity against their will so they'll be "cured."

Don't believe anything you see on r/fakedisordercringe or r/systemscringe. These are the most ableist, hateful subreddits on there and these subreddits set our recovery back when we were in the vulnerable, most important stage of treatment- the diagnostic process and trauma processing. We wouldn't have near the denial or alters that developed from the distress of the host thinking they're faking and much more.

Sysmates who contributed to this post- Finley (host) Everly (gatekeeper) and Marcia (trauma holder)

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hey Jalebi. How are you? I discovered your blog last year while rewatching IPKKND. Your and Phati-Sari's blogs are my favorite. Both of your blogs were really helpful in clearing some of my confusions that I always had regarding the show.

As you recently answered a question regarding Lavanya. I wanted to ask you a question about Lavanya's track. You don't have to answer if you have already answered it before. I couldn't find anything regarding this in the blog so I am asking. I recently re watched those episode where La n Arnav had their first break up and then he brought her back. I couldn't understand what Arnav was thinking bringing her back to his house. Cause from their previous argument it was obvious their relationship has changed. Even though when they started the relationship they were both on the same page. Now they both want different things from the relationship. Lavanya wouldn't have settled for anything less than marriage and Arnav wouldn't marry her. So they did the right thing by breaking up. But when he brought her back, I am sure it only raised La's hope and his family's too. La and his family thought that he must have changed his decision about marraige. But that wasn't the case. His and Lavanya's relationship was stuck in a loop, there was no going forward unless he wants to marry her. So why did he even brought her back when he clearly wasn't thinking about marraige? What was he planning to do exactly?

Btw I am glad to find someone who has same opinion as me about BD. I thought I was the only one who didn't enjoy the show. It's really sad though because I loved Barun n Ridhi in Asur and was really excited to watch them in a romantic show. But I felt they had more chemistry in Asur than this show. How did you find Kohrra?

Hello Anon!

Thank you for the love <3 <3 <3

Regarding Arnav and Lavanya; Arnav brought her back for two reasons - for Khushi and his family. The wonderful thing about IPK is that it's never direct, it's not going to spoon-feed you what every character is feeling so the audience gets a lot of room to interpret everything.

In my opinion, bringing back La showed Khushi that Arnav does have a heart

and his family was distressed without La. Apart from Nani - whose opinion Arnav doesn't really care about - everyone loves La and Arnav is actually content seeing his family at piece as now La and his family have become a unit.

Anjali comes up to Arnav and tells him one thing - "I'm so happy you did this Chote," and that means everything for Arnav - his Di's happiness.

But he is incredibly conflicted with Khushi's tears because he did what she wanted and she's still hurt, and yes - Arnav and La's relationship had irreparable damage and you can see from this point onwards Arnav has no commitment - nothing - towards La. Also this is the point where he actively begins to emotionally cheat on her.

He's more concerned about Khushi, his world starts revolving around her. La just doesn't exist. Up until this point La was an active person in his life. Even in their argument they're fighting like a couple and post the breakup everything disappears between Arnav and La.

They don't talk. They don't fight. They don't laugh... nothing.

And Lavanya panics, she knows everything has changed - she panics further when Khushi decides to leave because Khushi being here is a reminder that Lavanya is being 'groomed' to be a bahu - without Khushi, La needs to face the reality of being a part of this family without a buffer and actually being Mrs. Arnav Singh Raizada. Which is a cold, empty identity of being a man's wife who is invested in... nothing.

But still, love makes one choose the worst decisions and she decided to still come back because at least she's in Arnav's house. It's a sad decision.

For Arnav, marriage with Lavanya is a practical decision and it would've ultimately been that. Lavanya truly loves the family and vice versa (he's genuinely happy seeing both parties care for each other) and it puts Nani away from his back and Lavanya is someone who understands Arnav (even though he no longer understands himself).

So it's a perfect compromise (he doesn't realize how shitty he is as a partner until it's too late - he jolts into reality when during Satyanarayan Puja La was happy because he didn't yell at her and it's a slap on his face on wtf is he as a partner).

And yeah, Kohrra was fab! Just really some solid storytelling tbh.

Best,

Jalebi

[petrichorvoices]

Hello! Thank you so much for your message about Cotard's! That was literally what I needed! /pos /gen

But I think i also need some stuff about OCD and PTSD as well, especially which stereotypes to avoid ^^;

please don't use tone tags for us!! not upset, just a boundary

uhhh hm well. there are lots of types of OCD, not just the cleanliness or order ones that everyone knows about. our OCD mostly manifests as a morality thing, by which i mean that most of our obsessions center around whether or not we're a good person. as a result, the compulsions we get relate to like, environmentalism, activism, and similar. like, we HAVE to make sure that the lights are turned off if we're not using them, because otherwise we're wasting power and that makes us a horrible and irredeemable person, or if we tap our left thigh we also have to tap our right thigh because if we don't then it "proves" that we're a disgusting person who can't be trusted to be fair and unbiased about things, and thus we're not a good person

we've heard that someone's obsessions often center around something that they find absolutely horrible or irredeemable, and that they thus get intrusive thoughts about. like, someone with POCD gets intrusive thoughts about that because it's one of the worst things they can think about and so on. we don't have a source for that atm due to low spoons so don't take it as gospel

it'd be nice to see a character with OCD that has a type that isn't "just right" OCD or cleanliness OCD. while they're very common, they're far from the only ones. we didn't realize we have OCD for years because we didn't realize moral scrupulosity OCD or whatnot is a thing. either way depending on what type of OCD your character has, i'd recommend asking someone with that type specifically about what it's like

and i think most of us with OCD know that our obsessions are unreasonable, but it doesn't stop them from being distressing

i think a common misconception to avoid..... there's this post about someone who had a compulsion where she'd constantly check if the toaster or whatever was turned off, and sometimes she'd leave work to check it. so someone suggested she bring the toaster with her so she could check it was turned off all day, and bam, cured! well, not exactly. the thing is if you manage to "solve" one compulsion, you're just going to get another compulsion. ultimately the compulsions aren't what need to be treated, the obsessions and intrusive thoughts are. so i guess my point here is to focus less on the compulsions and more on the obsessions, the root cause

uhhh PTSD. it's....... tbh we've worked through most of our PTSD. we don't talk about it in therapy anymore and we're rarely triggered by things we used to break down over. that's not to say that our PTSD is cured, but that is to say that our current experience with PTSD is that of someone who's sought and gone through treatment for it

that's a thing people don't seem to acknowledge much. PTSD can get better. it takes years, and what the trauma was, when it happened, who it happened to, etc can all affect that, but PTSD can in fact get better

what else..... someone doesn't react to the same trigger the exact same way every time. someone could have a trigger that they normally don't notice, but one day they come across it when they're in a bad mood and they have a panic attack. PTSD is rarely if ever formulaic. something we noticed when we were in the thick of it was that it tended to be unpredictable. hell, sometimes we'd have a bad day and a trigger wouldn't do much to us, but then on a good day the same trigger would ruin us. it's kinda super fucky that way

a thing you can do in therapy for PTSD is to recontextualize and reclaim triggers. one of our biggest triggers used to be music by Keaton Henson. through therapy and personal work, we've managed to turn it back into comfort music. and this doesn't happen by avoiding it. it's kind of a, like. the only way out of PTSD is through it. you don't desensitize yourself to triggers by ignoring them and pretending they don't exist

i guess for stereotypes like. try to make your character more than just their PTSD. even with PTSD it can sometimes be hard to remember that you're more than your trauma but it's really important that characters with PTSD aren't reduced to solely that

sorry this is rambly & incoherent, we've been having one of those days, plus we're slightly tipsy. feel free to ask for clarification at some other point when we'll hopefully cohere better

[aquietnerd]

I heard you were abusive and a predator from someone in the bg3 community. Dont think its true but wanted to hear more.

Of course you did. I suppose there's still a callout post up about me.

First of all, I'm really grateful you didn't just blanket believe the accusations as some had, even coming to find my blog. That's a credit to your decency, anon. I'm just going to try and break these things up a bit.

Am I abusive and a predator? At least to my interpretations/understanding, no. I will definitely acknowledge that my actions have caused hurt and upset, but as I've said before; I'm not a malicious person, I don't want or go to 'prey' on people, and genuinely want to try and learn from my mistakes.

One claim I have heard about is an out of context roleplay where a child-serial killer was talking about how virgin ADULTS were sexy - because he's a creepy pervy asshole - means that I am a pedophile or enjoy/write/partake in pedophilic content. I have never, ever done this. Write very suspect characters, yes. With under age muses/muns? Never. Writing a dark child serial killer character does not automatically mean anything to do with pedophilia - and that was specifically in the rules of the blog that had been screenshotted out of context.

To the claims that I am a stalker - yes, I do tend to look at blogs who have either ended communications/friendships with me, and it's a bad habit of mine that I've been working on and improved on a lot over the last year or so. This does not come out of a place of abuse or preying on. It's also not a good thing to do, because it can scare or distress people with URL trackers; but it comes from my being scared that things like this will happen. Unnecessary smear campaigns when things could just end amicably.

Out of all of this, my 'worst' crimes is that in a moment of tired forgetfulness, I did not appropriately tag gun kink or violence/abuse kink topics and triggered someone's trauma - which I did apologize profusely about, went to tag everything appropriately, and was honest in my horrible mistake. I made a vent post about how I felt like an awful person for upsetting someone and not tagging as I should - but I didn't feel horrible for writing said gun/violence topics, because that is a fictional area of writing that I choose to explore.

I tend to vent my feelings online to distress, which is something I've determined I need to do a lot less, and find much more healthier outlets to, as my therapist calls them 'big autism emotions', because people on the spectrum tend to feel emotions a lot bigger or more overwhelming, which I tend to agree with and find that I've had this issue over my entire life. Rejection/abandonment scares me. People popping into my inbox with accusations or non-constructive criticism panics me. But this is by no means an excuse to let my emotions spill over the top to cause harm to anyone else.

So too long didn't read for anyone who wants to reblog this, peek at my blog and screenshot this; I'm not a predator. I'm not abusive. My actions have been harmful, I can attest to that, and some might even cause it toxic. I just made some terrible mistakes in the heat of an emotional state, and I've been off trying to learn better ways of emotional regulation, and being a better version of myself.

[rachelsfav-queer]

You don't need to post this, I just wish for you to read it with an open mind. You remind me a lot of myself when I was younger (an older teen), I have ADHD and Autism as well, and would react very similarly to how you have been. I would be explosive is someone made even a small negative comment to my special interest, which was also seen as "weird" by societies standards (I am not saying it is weird, but it is perceived that way by people who do not understand) and I was so combative, and caused a lot of issues for myself. I would disappear suddenly, leaving cryptic messages to my followers and causing panic, only to return once the emotions have passed. I have been in a very similar place to you, at least in social media aspects, and one of the best things I ever did for myself was take a short break. And worked on some coping strategies so when I did return to social media, where people were assholes, I wasn't so explosive and could more calmly navigate. People will ALWAYS be mean, especially toward things they don't understand, and we need to learn to control our own actions. You are still young, and when I was 20, someone gave me a similar message that I'm giving you and it really helped. Don't get me wrong, I still occasionally have meltdowns online, Autism does that, but its less frequent and assholes don't bother me nearly as much. Take care of you, be selfish and do what's best for you. Social media will always be here and it's not worth the distress it can cause us.

I understand what you’re saying anon. And I appreciate it, I really do.

This is how I used to be, I used to do everything I just did years ago, before I had all my current coping mechanisms. I used to do this to myself and to others.

But that’s not who I am anymore. I’ve grown and changed beyond the person I had become due to trauma. These past few days, they’re all because I was in a vulnerable headspace. I was deep in little space and had a bad drop from that headspace. That’s what caused me to go back to who I was before. If I’m being entirely honest, it’s cause I craved the pity. I just wanted to be seen as weak and have people tell me that they care. From random strangers online. That’s so unbelievably unhealthy when I have people in real life who can and will offer the exact comfort I needed. But I avoided that, didn’t say a word to anyone I knew irl and bottled everything up in hopes for an explosion.

Because then I would have the attention.

But again, that’s not who I am anymore. But, nobody has any reason to trust me after this. People who trusted me before, now hate me.

I’m just so tired.

[tetherless]

Heavy TW for talk of abuse, child abuse, CSA and brief mentions of RAMCOA (it didn't happen but I will be talking about the potential of it happening, specifically OA)

I didn't want to put it in the main post because I'd have had to go on a small tangent to do it, but re: my last post

I am pretty sure that that's why we have parts of ourselves that are constantly hypervigilant and expecting to be assaulted by men at any given moment. I think that it's probably why reading about things like RAMCOA triggers us so badly too - we have no experience with either of those things* to my knowledge, but some of them (assault at the hands of men, being abused by multiple adults or trafficked) are things we grew up aware of and afraid of because either they were happening to other people around us or we were being warned about them all the time, or we were in unsafe situations constantly where they COULD have happened and we felt in danger.

(*it is possible that we were assaulted by men and have no memory of it. It is also possible we were victims of OA, but not RA or MC, and I don't really want to talk as if it definitely DID happen when I really don't know. Personally I think the fact that we were surrounded by dangerous men who COULD have hurt us and made us feel like they MIGHT assault us at the age of like <5 is enough to cause these trauma reactions without us actually being victims of OA or whoever.)

The other day we had a very unpleasant experience where reading about RAMCOA made us dissociate, panic, and have fleeting images of being in a dark room with a man - but i have no way of telling if that was an actual memory or just a distressing mental image. I can't fully remember everything that went through my head at the time, only that I was suddenly terrified by the possibility that the abuse was worse than i'd thought, and it took a while for me to calm down enough to recognise that it's unlikely I would ever have been in a situation that would allow for that level of severe abuse (especially not RA or MC). But knowing that at the very least it's POSSIBLE there was OA involved really fucked with us for a bit.

(I think it's pretty natural for abuse survivors to read about certain extreme experiences and... "resonate" with them, for lack of a better word, but that doesn't mean what happened to us WAS that thing. You know?)

The only thing that really casts any doubt for me is that a few weeks ago we woke up one day distinctly feeling like... dogs that had escaped somewhere bad and were supposed to return. We felt that we werent meant to be living in the "real" world and that it was bad for us to be independent; that we had to go home to our master to be punished. And I know how that SOUNDS given the context of what I'm talking about lmao but there was nowhere to go back to; there was no one to contact, or who we felt we SHOULD contact. Just a nebulous concept of An Owner Or Superior. It was very strange and upsetting and you can probably see why the memory of that combined with the RAMCOA stuff made us briefly freak out with possibility.

I don't know what else to say about it really. Just that it was fucking strange.

[animeomegas]

Hi!!!, first, congratulations on 1000 followers!I wanted to ask you something, could you make a list of omegas that would have worse self esteem during pregnancy.if you can't don't worry, have a nice day and again congratulations.

(Hey, thank you so much for your congratulations!! Hmm, I’m sure I can make a little list~)

Warnings: Insecurities of all sorts, mentions of sex.

Insecure over appearance:

· Itachi – Itachi is worried about how skinny and sickly he is. He’s always been on the small side but pregnancy has stopped him being able to keep much food down, and so he just kept getting smaller and smaller. It’s a small insecurity at first, but he does find himself staring at his reflection and wondering if his mate finds him attractive. Itachi goes a long while without sex because of how sick he gets during pregnancy and after birth, and that feeds the insecurity that his alpha doesn’t find him attractive.

· Tamaki – He’s completely fine until he gets lost in a rabbit hole on some parenting and omega focused forums. He finds all these posts from other omegas about how their alphas don’t find them attractive anymore, and about how they’ve stopped having sex. Now, Tamaki is extremely sexually needy during his pregnancy, so he’s suddenly paralysed with fear. Has his alpha been forcing themselves this whole time? Have they just been doing it to please him without enjoying it themselves? He cries about it quite a bit until his alpha finds out and knocks a little bit of sense into him.

· Asmo – Asmo puts so much effort into his physical appearance. He’s very proud of it and he’s very reliant on his appearance to carry his self-esteem. So, a drastic change of any sort would be extremely distressing. He buys every cream and treatment imaginable to stop stretch marks, and acne etc. but things still change with his body. And because Asmo views his worth through looks, he assumes that his alpha does also. He tries to hide, to turn down sex, but of course, this alerts his alpha immediately to the fact that something is wrong. He never really gets over the insecurities while he’s still pregnant, but his alpha can minimise the effects with copious love and praise.

· Julian – He’s extremely insecure as it is, constantly questioning why his alpha finds him attractive at all but being pregnant adds enough layer on to the pre-existing insecurities. He always tries to reassure his alpha that they don’t have to touch him if they don’t want, that they should leave the room before he gets changed or when he’s bathing because they probably don’t want to see him like that. His insecurities run very deeply, just like Asmo’s, so they can’t be fixed, but they can be helped with lots of comfort and reassurance.

Insecure over abilities (e.g., being weak physically etc.):

· Sasuke – The fact that he can’t go on missions or train pisses him off. And as the months go by, he’s gaining weight and losing muscle definition and it freaks him out because he feels like he’s losing who he is which drops his self-esteem. Training has been a part of his life for as long as he can remember. Just design some softer workout routines for him with a mednin and remind him that he can still practice throwing kunai before he loses his goddamn mind.

· Bakugou – The physical condition of his body changing isn’t that big of a deal for him. He has a very small tummy, especially considering he’s pregnant with twins, and he knows he can bounce back after the birth because he’s super dedicated to his physical routine. What he’s not so confident about is the slipping control he has over his quirk. He has (had) an iron clad control, and the random explosions while pregnant are so embarrassing. Not to mention the disruption that his quirk causes in his nest. He has to replace so many cushions which makes his instincts go wild because significant changes to an omega’s nest while pregnant is distressing. If his friends tease him about the loss of control, he gets genuinely mad about because it’s something of a sore spot.

· Jumin – Jumin tries to keep his life while pregnant as close to his life before being pregnant as possible and in many ways, he nails it. He buys copies of his favourite suits and has them tailored every other week to fit his growing stomach. He buys non-alcoholic wine and drinks it with a grimace. He schedules lots of massages to keep the aches and pains away, so he feels normal. But there is one thing that isn’t so easy to keep normal: his emotions. Now, this fits into this category rather than the one below because Jumin gets insecure about how his emotional control impacts his ability to work. His emotions had never impacted his career before, but now he can’t help but tear up when he gets overstressed, he can’t work long hours without getting lonely and wanting to go home, he can’t take business trips because he doesn’t want to leave his nest for too long. It makes him feel a little like he’s lost himself because these things are things he’s been doing with ease for his entire life. He’s quite irritated by it and it damages his self esteem somewhat.

Insecure emotionally (e.g., unsure about being a good parent etc.):

· Tamaki –Tamaki also makes it onto this category. His insecurities are very specific, but he worries about being a bad role model socially for his pup. If his alpha is very socially adept, I’m not sure he would worry as much, because he knows that his pup can learn from their other parent, but if Tamaki’s alpha is also a little shy or prefers not being around people, then he gets really worried about it. Him being so shy and anxious has really impacted his life and he really doesn’t want it to impact his pup in the same way. He really worries that he’ll be a bad influence in that regard. (but the prospect of an extremely extroverted child is an equally terrifying concept in a different way haha.)

· Lucifer – He is very worried about being a good parent because all he can focus on is the past times when he wasn’t a good older brother. I mean, Satan hates him, and that’s as close to a father/child bond that Lucifer has, so surely that must mean he’s not cut out to be a father? He’s not good at emotions or reasonable punishments or showing affection or… well, point is he doesn’t think he has what it takes to be a good parent, when all he’s ever had is a shitty father himself, and all he’s ever been, is a shitty older brother that drove his family apart.

· Levi – Levi is insecure about most things that have to do with himself, so it’s not surprising that he gets very insecure about being a good parent which drops his self-esteem to an all time low. He can’t even watch any anime that focuses too much on parent/child relationships because he can’t help but compare himself every time, and he works himself up into a mini panic. It’s difficult to calm Levi’s insecurities but his partner can help him somewhat.

· Hawks – Keigo is very insecure about his abilities to protect his pup. His has this conspiracy theory that the hero commission will try to kidnap his child. They were furious when they found out he was pregnant during the peak of his career and they pushed him heavily towards abortion. Keigo leaked the pregnancy news to the public to force the commission’s hands, but he’s still so paranoid that they’ll stage a 'tragic accident' for his pup to force him back into hero work, or try and kidnap and raise his pup as they raised him. He doesn’t have any proof, per se, but he’s terrified that he can’t protect his pup so he really doesn’t like to leave his alpha’s presence. When he’s close to his due date, he’s too insecure with all his conspiracy theories clouding his mind to even let his alpha shower by themselves.

· V – Jihyun sort of convinces himself that he’s cursed when it comes to looking after people (Rika, Saeyoung, Saeran), so he’s very upset by the prospect that he’ll probably fail at raising his child too. He originally says that he wants to give the pup up for adoption to save them, but eventually you talk him around and start working through his problems. He just doesn’t thing he’ll be a good role model. The longer he waits to have children after the more traumatic events of his life, the less these issues crop up.

Miscellaneous:

· Aizawa – Shouta gets insecure when people pay too much attention to him being pregnant. He doesn’t like people giving up their seats for him on public transport, he doesn’t like his students and colleagues asking invasive questions, he doesn’t like those awful shop attendants that try to shoehorn him into buying baby supplies he doesn’t need. He wishes people would just treat him normally. (and he absolutely starts to activate his quirk every time someone tries to touch his tummy without asking first.) But yeah, all the eyes and attention makes him super uncomfortable and it makes him overanalyse everything he does which does impact his self esteem.

· Light – Light has a very specific insecurities while pregnant which revolve around the fear that he’s lowering himself by carrying a pup. All his life he’s had people tell him that because he’s an omega, he should give up on all his dreams and have pups and stay home instead. It really doesn’t sit well with him that he’s doing what all those awful people told him to do (at least it feels that way to him). He feels ashamed and he hates it. He avoids everything stereotypical while pregnant. He’ll kick you in the face if you try to rub his feet, he does everything in his power to avoid giving in to cravings, and he doesn’t make a nest. It all takes a serious toll on his health but it would take one hell of a stubborn alpha to get him to bend on any of that. It puts a strain on the relationship.

[ficsyoumayhavemissed]

Reduce, Recycle, … remove? — @reminiscingintherain

611 words / Zayn x Louis, Niall x Liam, Harry x Greg James

When someone’s nicking recycling out of the rubbish bins, who’s going to take them to task?

This fic is such a delightful nibblet of this author’s writing! Their characterization is always so wonderful and how they manage to do it in so few words is a miracle!

There’s always been a Rainbow hanging over your head — Larryissocute / @jaanwangji

2.086 words / Harry x Louis

Louis sighs tugging at a loose thread on the edge of the blanket, "I dunno, really. I feel numb sort of, but that's okay 'cause I don't really wanna feel anything. Not now at least."

Or, they talk a little and that's progress.

This fic succeeds in being very sweet and sad at the same time: the perfect type of hurt/comfort for everyone who can sympathize with the character’s situations. Kudos to the author for giving us a great addition to a series that handles Louis’ emotional breakdown and the effects it has both on him and Harry, who manages to be a supportive husband even through his own struggles. (Warnings: mentions of an emotional breakdown/emotional distress and implicit anxiety/panic attacks)

Can't Buy My Love, Can Buy Me Dinner — LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

9.615 words / Harry x Louis, Zayn x Liam

Is it ethical to accept a dinner date for the free food? And will you hate me when I go anyway?

Fact 1: Louis hates Harry Styles.

Fact 2: Louis is temporarily living off toast and spaghetti hoops.

Fact 3: ...Louis may be semi-accidentally dating his worst enemy.

This fic’s summary seems like such a fun and funny concept, and it is! But there’s so much more to the fic than that. There is humor, but also friendship, angst, and self-discovery that all blend into a wonderful fic that leaves you smiling in the end. (Warnings: recreational drug use, internalized homophobia)

Ironed out clouds — bunlou / @buniou (on Twitter)

4.095 words / Harry x Louis

Louis creates dreams. Harry creates nightmares. The two absolutely hate each other, until a little girl needs their help.

This fic has such an amazing premise and it really takes advantage of that. The universe it’s built in is incredibly interesting!

Chain of love — Blumeetsgreen

14.518 words / Harry x Louis

Louis jumps into Harry’s car breathless and tells him to keep driving.

This is such a beautifully written, melancholic fic. The author does a great job of making us feel Harry's feelings as well as writing a wonderful characterization of Louis' caring nature. (Warnings: depressive thoughts/depression.)

if honesty means telling you the truth (I'm still in love with you) — me_her_themoon / @bfjacketmybeloved

47.159 words / Harry x Louis

Harry is currently in some bar in London, sipping on some brand of whiskey, after Niall practically forced him out of the house because “it’s time for you to get some action, you lazy wanker.”

So, he finds himself here. Trapped between the bar and the back of some unknown person who he is not interested in in the slightest. He doesn’t even think he wants a relationship after his last one, but maybe a fling if the situation calls for it.

This fic was written by a new author; they said that it is based on the album Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan and it rings true because the reader is able to identify each song and feeling. This is a wonderful fic that will make you cry and laugh!

—-

As always, support the authors by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

If you can’t get enough of our recs in this post, make sure to check out our tags page and scroll through the categories to see if you find any more fics you like! — FYMHM xx

[willsimpforanyone]

I have a request and it's perfectly fine it makes you uncomfortable to write and you don't want to. But a teen!reader x the Avengers maybe she is from an abusive family and Tony snaps at her about something while the Avengers are around and she says "please don't hit me" and then the Avengers comfort her it can turn into a Peter Parker X reader if you want it to but it could be platonic and that'd be fine. Again if you don't want to write this I understand.❤👍🏾💜

wow, a heavy topic, but i can give this a go and try to do it justice.

obviously, trigger warning, mentions of abuse, panic attack description

It wasn’t Tony’s fault. He was just having a bad day, he probably didn’t sleep much. He didn’t mean it, I know he didn’t. It was probably me. 

It’s just, I woke up nervous. No real reason, I was just anxious about how the day was gonna go, my hands shaking slightly as I got dressed. My favourite hoodie was in the wash, so I had to wear a purple one that drew slightly too much attention for comfort.

The post-it note I’d stuck on my mirror was still there, reminding me to breathe, that today was gonna be fine; but the words looked fake, just ink on paper with no real meaning. My reflection didn’t look like me, it looked like the person I... used to be, before I was taken in by the Avengers. Nonetheless, I took a couple deep breaths before I left my room, trying to steady my hands and calm my heart. JARVIS took me by surprise, making me jump about a foot in the air. 

“Excuse me, are you quite alright?” His voice was calm and monotonous, and I relaxed slightly.

“Uh, yes, thank you JARVIS. Just a little... off, today,” I whispered, not quite managing normal volume today. He hummed, sounding like he didn’t quite believe me despite being an AI. “Really, I am. Just tired, I guess.” I was more trying to reassure myself than JARVIS, but it seemed enough for him to not say anything else, just open the door to my room to make it easier for me to leave. I smiled slightly, having a fondness for the AI.

The door looked somewhat like a mouth today, but I pushed that thought away as much as possible. Setting tiny goals was the method of coping today, and the first couple goals- get out of bed and get dressed- were complete. The next goal was to get breakfast.

The stairs were a bit of a challenge, with me being shaky this morning, but I got down them and was greeted with ‘good morning!’s and and smiles from Thor, who’d popped in last night, Natasha, who was only halfway through her coffee so her ‘good morning’ was slightly groggy, and Peter, who didn’t look like he’d slept at all. I gave them all a half-hearted smile, and made my way to the cupboard to get a bowl for cereal. 

I was about to get the cereal from the line along the kitchen counter when Tony walked in. He looked awful, not even responding to the various hello’s we offered him. He took a mug from the cupboard and practically slammed it on the counter, and I flinched. I glanced around, no one seemed to have noticed except from Peter who gave me a questioning look. I ignored him and continued to pour cereal and then milk. I tried to focus on the sound of the cereal but when Tony brushed past me to get to the coffee, the hair on my body stood on end, and despite the hoodie it was if I could feel him without him touching me. 

That was unnerving. Tony is usually very aware of my personal space, he acknowledges that sometimes I don’t wanna be touched. If he wasn’t paying attention then something must be wrong. I hardly realised that he’d tugged open the fridge until he slammed it shut. I let out a tiny squeak, panic rising in my chest. I saw a hand in the corner of my eye- it was Peter’s, trying to get my attention. I smiled weakly at his concerned expression, and picked up my bowl to move it to the centre island. In my anxiety, I must have not noticed Tony coming my way, and my bowl collided with his chest. 

“Oh for FUCKS sake,” he yelled, looking at my breakfast all over his shirt. He was angry, he was angry at me, oh fuck I’ve made him mad, look at what you’ve done now you’re gonna have to leave he’s gonna throw you out you’ll have to go back to your parents you stupid fuckin-

Tony raised his hand, and I was overwhelmed with panic.

“Please don’t hit me...”

Everyone stopped.

They looked, wide eyed, at my cowering form. Tony was frozen, his hand still raised- to reach the tissues on the shelf by his head. My breathing was shallow and fast, and a ringing was starting in my ears. I only just registered being pulled out the room by someone and being sat down on the sofa. It was Natasha, having instantly sprung into action and taking me away from the distressing situation. 

Her hands were holding mine as she tried to steady them. She spoke more softly than I’d ever heard- “Hey, it’s okay, take your time,” her voice was steady, calm, comforting. “No one’s upset at you, just focus on my voice, okay? Can you squeeze my hands if you understand?”

I lightly squeezed her hands and she smiled. “That’s good, well done. Now I need you to do something for me, alright? Can you name five things you can see?”

My breathing was still fast but my eyes scanned the room. I was barely audible as I said “You. Rug. Table. Hoodie... Peter.” Natasha turned slightly to see Peter lingering in the doorway, a worried expression gracing his face. She nodded for him to come in and turned her attention back to me. 

“Now list four things you can feel.”

My lungs weren’t burning quite as much. “Your hands. My hoodie. The sofa. My hair.”

“Three things you can hear, you’re doing so well kroshka (little one).”

I could feel my heart slow down slightly. “Your voice. My voice. Peter’s feet scuffing the floor.” That last one made Nat laugh lightly and squeeze my hands again reassuringly. 

“Peter, come sit on the other end of the sofa. Now, two things you can smell.”

My hands were steadier and my inhales and exhales were more regular. “Your perfume, and that weird candle thing that Thor lit last night.”

“One last thing, tell me one thing you can taste.”

“That after-sleep mouth taste, y’know, when you haven’t brushed your teeth yet?”

Nat grinned “I know what you mean. Feeling better?”

I took a shuddering breath, but smiled. “Yeah I do. Thanks Nat.” She nodded, getting up and looking pointedly at Peter, gesturing to me. He nodded and turned to me.

“Can I hug you? You look like you need a hug,” he opened his arms out to me, and I shuffled up the sofa, ending up lying on his chest with his arms wrapped around me. “There, isn’t that better?” 

I giggled, nodding my head. Peter was silent for a while, before saying, “You know he didn’t mean to scare you, right?”

Sighing, I closed my eyes. “I know, it was probably my fault, I should have looked where I was going.” 

“No,” Peter looked down at me. “It was not your fault. He may not have meant it but he did scare you and he should have been paying more attention. I’m sorry, but anyone with eyes could see you weren’t having a good day, despite the hoodie you hide under.” He playfully tugged at the sleeve of the hoodie and I swatted at his hand. 

“Young one, how are you?” Thor’s voice was significantly quieter than usual as he walked over to the sofa. I smiled at him, and he seemed satisfied. Surveying the room, he spotted his weird candle thing and his eyes widened. “I have reason to believe that the gift I brought from Asgard has played some part in this situation. I should have realised that such a thing could affect mortals in a negative fashion. I shall remove it immediately.” 

I was about to protest when Peter whispered in my ear. “Just leave it, let him help.” I giggled and buried myself deeper into his chest as Thor carefully picked up the candle thing and held it at arms length.

“Never fear, I shall vanquish the cause of this,” he paraded it out the room as Peter and I laughed at his performance. 

There was a light cough at the door, and we sat up to see a guilty looking Tony standing at the door. “...can I come in?”

I took a deep breath and smiled at him. He carefully stepped into the room and sat down, balancing himself on the coffee table by the sofa. “I’m so sorry,” he started abruptly. “I know that doesn’t really make up for it. I shouldn’t have yelled, I know what... how you react to that kind of stuff. I’m not gonna make excuses, I take full responsibility for my actions.” His hands were in front of him, clasped tight, and I reached out and placed my hands on his. 

“It’s okay Tony, I know you’re probably stressed, you look like you haven’t slept in a week.” He smiled weakly. 

“I haven’t, really. But that’s still no excuse. I promise, I’ll work on going to sleep, I can’t bear the thought of me being the cause of a panic attack. I’m sorry, I didn’t think of what you would think with my hand, I just... I’m sorry.” He got up to leave. “There are pancakes in the kitchen, Nat thought you’d want them instead of the cereal.”

I smiled at him, and as he made his way to the door I stopped him.

“Hey, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Love you.”

“Love you too, kid.” Tony vanished from sight.

Peter stood up. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I need pancakes. You?” He held out his hand. 

I grinned, took his hand, and stood up beside him. “Absolutely. Let’s go.”

______________

not quite what you requested, but i tried to include some avengers? i really hope you liked it, i’m not sure angst is my strong point 😅thank you so much for requesting! <3

[fluffbyday-smutbynight]

Lights in the Darkness (THoB rewatch pt.2)

(from part 1 here):

Sherlock crashes hard with his fear; not the fear of queernes per se: the fear of not being able to handle sentiment, lust, attachment. He pretty soon catches up on the hound being an illusion, anyway: "it MUST be a drug!". And what does he do to test his theory? He devises an experiment... to be conveniently performed on John.

Let's talk about John

I barely mentioned John in the ASiB post because his reactions don't deviate much from the standard: denial, denial, denial (and yes, he's so adorable when he does it). In THoB, things get a bit more... interesting.

It's curious that, when they first go to the moors at night, John is the one not buying into the whole "hound" ruse; he keeps pretty level-headed about it - until he catches on Sherlock's distress:

JOHN: Well, he is in a pretty bad way. He’s manic, totally convinced there’s some mutant super-dog roaming the moors. And there isn’t, though, is there? ’Cause if people knew how to make a mutant super-dog, we’d know. They’d be for sale. I mean, that’s how it works. [...] JOHN: Maybe we should just look for whoever’s got a big dog. SHERLOCK: Henry’s right. JOHN: What? SHERLOCK (his voice shaking): I saw it too. JOHN (shocked): What? SHERLOCK: I saw it too, John. JOHN: Just ... just a minute. You saw what?

Again, this is John's denial at work, but from now on we'll see it questioned.

Should we go deeper? Yes, yes we should.

Lights in the darkness

There's a lot of references to the darkness/light contrast - not surprising, given the gothic theme - the simplest being of course Bluebell the glow in the dark rabbit (also a reference to the original ACD glowing hound).

1. At the Moors

John notices a light blinking and decodes it as spelling "UMQRA" in Morse code. Later he will find it was just the random flashing of a car's headlights at a dogging site.

Immediately after, Sherlock texts him the photo of therapist Louise Mortimer to send him interview her, and John comments to himself:

JOHN: Ooh, you’re a bad man.

See how he will later dismiss his botched side investigation:

SHERLOCK: Did you, er, get anywhere with that Morse code? JOHN: No. [...]

JOHN: Look, forget it. It’s ... I thought I was on to something. I wasn’t. SHERLOCK: Sure? JOHN: Yeah. SHERLOCK: How about Louise Mortimer? Did you get anywhere with her? JOHN: No.

They argue a bit, and Sherlock tries to make up for it:

SHERLOCK: You’ve never been the most luminous of people, but as a conductor of light you are unbeatable.

What's the purpose of this whole sequence? To show us that John is a doofus at following leads? (btw, knowing Morse code is pretty badass) ...I think not. Let's strip it to its barebones:

John sees "lights" but can't read them correctly

John does "work" (investigation) and finds... illegal sex acts

John promptly welcomes a diversion (in the form of a pretty woman)

John doesn't get anywhere, at all

...unless we're talking about Sherlock

That's because, if we look at John as a unit with Sherlock, he doesn't even have to follow the lights. He is Sherlock's light, and what does light do? It exposes the truth; again, the theme of exposure (coming clean, coming out) reoccurs.

2. At Baskerville

John is back at the lab looking for clues. I'll borrow the words of Ariane DeVere's transcript (bold mine):

... the device lights up and nine bright bulbs shine straight into his eyes. [...] Opening his eyes a little, he squints and tries to see into the room. All the other lights in the room appear to have come on as well and – with his own vision blanked out by the arc lights – there’s a wall of whiteness all around him. [...] John groans and covers his ears, completely overwhelmed by the bright light, lack of vision and the noise. Grimacing, he starts to make his way across the lab towards the lift, holding his hand up in front of his eyes as the after-image of the arc lights keeps blanking out his vision.

Sherlock is enacting his experiment, crafting through suggestion a "hound" that terrifies John, which tries to hide by closing himself in a cage. Then, over the phone:

JOHN: It’s here. It’s in here with me. SHERLOCK: Where are you? JOHN: Get me out, Sherlock. You have got to get me out.

This sequence, if you recall it, is so shocking and powerful that you can feel John's fear. Light isn't a faint clue in the night anymore: light is blinding, disorienting, painful. If he is to Sherlock the conductor of a benevolent light, he also is still in the darkness himself.

This is all Sherlock's doing by the way, and notice that at this point he is already positive that there's no hound. He just has to prove how, he just has to prove it to John. See how John will rationalize it the next day:

JOHN: Listen: what happened to me in the lab? [...] JOHN: Hang on: you thought it was in the sugar. [...] (John turns his head away as he begins to realise the horrible truth.) JOHN: Oh God. It was you. You locked me in that bloody lab. SHERLOCK: I had to. It was an experiment.

Back to the lab, where a panic-stricken John lays it all out in just one line:

JOHN: Did ... did ... did you see it? You must have! SHERLOCK: It’s all right. It’s okay now. JOHN: NO IT’S NOT! IT’S NOT OKAY! I saw it. I was wrong!

There it is. John has finally seen something. John admits he was wrong. John's denial was wrong.

(to be continued in part 3)

____

[transcription source: Ariane DeVere]

[fqirycollective]

How AVPD impacts us as a system

This is one of the posts we have planned. We also have how BPD affects us, but I thought this one may seem more insightful because other systems have posted how BPD affects them. (/lh) Reminder, these are only our experiences with AVPD. Yours may differ and that's completely valid.

What is AVPD?

AVPD is Avoidant Personality Disorder, not to be confused with ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder). It is characterized by a low self esteem, avoidance of social situations, few close friends, and a high fear of rejection. To name a few symptoms, of course. It is a disorder developed through environmental things such as trauma and genetics. Ours developed from trauma, which is one way it directly links to our system.

How does it affect us?

How doesn't it affect us? (/lh /hj) Let's see.. What to go into first? I'm going to start with the low self esteem. The low self esteem impacts how the trait holders seem themselves. (I mention them because I personally don't have many symptoms, but others do.) With their lowered self esteem, they are more likely to have more breakdowns of how they see themselves. Sometimes, these breakdowns get to the point where a soother can't calm them down and we either split new alters that will be able to soothe them or that alter fully splits into completely new alters. This heavily impacts our headcount. This can also be aided by not having as many friends. Some of them feel as though having few friends mean no one cares about them.

On to the avoidance of social situations. This isn't just social anxiety. With social anxiety, you're anxiety is purely in social situations. We often panic around social settings, or when we're forced into social situations such as a call. This is hard to describe as being different from social anxiety, but it is. I guess it's because we avoid them at all costs, if possible. We'll often stress split if there's a big social event coming up. It causes so much stress that we've actually had alters fuse with symptom holders in attempts to make them less stressed. You can probably see why this impacts us as a system. (/lh)

And finally, the high fear of rejection. This is probably one of the worst symptoms for us. Not only do we have a high fear of rejection in person, but when we're safe too. This goes anywhere from acting almost as a robot around people to avoiding everything possible to avoid a rejection that likely isn't coming. This includes avoiding our emotions. We avoid phone calls, any and all conflict, being the centre of attention, and like I said, even our emotions. This is where AVPD differs from social anxiety for us. In social anxiety, you may avoid everything to help your anxiety, but if you're alone, you likely won't avoid your emotions. We bottle everything up to avoid messing with them. It's almost like a thought of "If they see me showing emotions, they'll reject me." I know I keep saying we on this when before I was talking about symptom holders, but it's a thing we all do. So, we bottle all of our emotions up until we can't anymore and all of the emotions hit us like a landslide. This causes severe distress and oftentimes causes alters to be needed who can handle those emotions. So again, you can probably see why this impacts us as a system.

[strawberrybabydog]

Hi again - I'm the nonpsychotic anon that asked about advice cause I recently realized I'm dealing with a DA. I just scrolled through your blog a bit and now I'm anxious... I swear, I'm not just a kinnie/kff and I'm not trying to speak over people who experience psychosis. I just... I thought I was just very very hyperfixated on [show I am not comfortable with naming rn] and didn't understand why seeing other peoples headcanons and stuff made me so upset and angry and send me into panic sometimes. and yeah, then I looked into the definitions of delusions (generally, not specifically DAs) - I can go more into detail if needed - and. it fits my experience 100% so... arrrgh, I'm sorry if I offended anyone... - 🐋 (in case I send another ask so you know who I am)

hi again friend! i guess i can only really speak for myself but i'm definitely not upset with you or offended or anything :0) you came to me looking for genuine advice and i hope i don't come off as aggressive or angry because i'm really not trying to be!

i have a few genuinely psychotic friends who use the term (but they use it in a different way which deviates from the definition and they have no associations with the community) and i dont really see a problem with it. i am highly critical of it, but i'm not anti-D/A nor do i really "hate" the people who use the term. the community and people who associate with it are just very well-known for spreading extremely anti-psychotic rhetoric or ideas - im assuming you read the posts i sent you, so you've seen what i mean!! :0)

i'd recommend looking a bit into delusions more, beyond definitions or a couple surface-level articles. they often don't fully cover describing the delusional experience or really even scratch the surface of what it can mean to be delusional, i'll grab you a couple articles:

bizarre delusions (full paper)

bizarre delusions (full paper)

bizarre delusions (article)

psychosis partial book

a lot of resources related to psychosis are very hard to find. it's mostly just so psychotic people themselves don't read into them and their psychosis gets worse - but here's some good ones from my collection! i'll also mention here that "D/As" are not a medically recognize delusion, the term was coined less than a year ago by a twitter user; it would simply be considered a bizarre/non-specified delusion which basically means "miscellaneous" lol

i'd also say it's still a pretty normal experience surrounding feeling extreme distress hearing about other folks' headcanons, etc. when i read articles about dogs or even wolves that feature incorrect information, it can make me very upset too; you're literally reading what other people think of you which isn't always positive or correct, and it's really upsetting not being able to change their mind or do something about it! even for regular humans who don't have alternative or alterhuman identities, it can be just as upsetting, so you're definitely not alone in feeling this way anon :0)

[zumpietoo]

Crotchi Can't Math....

Umm....dude....YOU spent the pandemic with your nu-BF/"this time I'll make Cole jelly for SURE!!!", Rodent and stalking Cole....IDK if you saw Lili ONCE. You only saw Moochie Maddie when you both tagged after Cole....which, turns out, he was gleefully showing Lili who would always win the break up (not her).

Additionally, while maybe, sorta, MM's split is close-ish to Lili's (if you squint, etc), neither of yours are remotely:

You and Melted split in September 2019 (and really, there were issues back during 2019 hiatus, it explains why you sexually assaulted Cole/didn't mention your actual BF, ONCE) at the latest....(and it was really obvious in October

Moochie Maddie and Walking Tat broke up in November/December 2019

SH hit pause in January 2020, but didn't actually break up until early March 2020....

AND the only "deep interaction" y'all had in this time was posing for pics at the VF Oscar Party....

When LA opened up again in May/June, you were endlessly stalking Cole

Past that, your "super BFFs" has been quaranteening and attending a party together. Otherwise, we never see you with Lili....and if you're referring to your inevitable split with Grayson (which clearly happened way earlier than you claimed....that puts shit 9 to 12 months after SH split, so nooooo....

The stress of having to do your job and live in a luxury apartment? Also, you've always claimed to have panic attacks, previously it was because wardrobe fittings so distressed your dumb ass.

Oh good lord, STFU, you endless, pathetic drama queen. You, again, didn't bother yourself to be anywhere NEAR your family for the bulk of the six month quaranteen and you're paid a shit ton of $$$ to do your job.

You had the opportunity to see your family at Xmas. I don't believe it happened.

So is this YOUR version of "prison"? Cause it remains completely obnoxious.

Until she blathers about being a pissy headcase, because she still thinks that makes her sound sensitive and suppperrrr deep.

"I see no reason to put any effort into anything. I flatly recite my lines, do a shitty job and collect my paycheck". The exact opposite of what she'd be taught in acting class, in fact.

Errrmmm......nope all D list projects, but since Crotchi is lazy/wants $$$/fame whore, this does work (and TBH, nothing wrong with that, but dude, you've previously interviewed you never went to class or bothered yourself past partying at NYU, anyway).

South Florida girls, meaning she's an attention whoring bimbo, too? Got it. And we certainly won't be seeing you do anything significant, post-Plaiderdale.....also, per Mr. 58 Seconds, season 4 was the show's midway mark?? Guess not! And guess you let slip something and we're right, a shortened season six and y'all are done

[mytwistedhome]

Pomefiore and Ignihyde when they find out you have Anorexia

Trigger warning to anyone who suffers with an eating disorder!!

I decided to write these headcanons because I've been having a really tough two weeks, and thinking of the twst boys makes me happy...

I hope this can maybe bring comfort to someone else, or at least provide some bit of entertainment. My intention is not to cause harm or trigger anyone. That is the last thing I want.

Other dorms will be coming as well! I already started working on all of them, but I just haven’t finished them. They will most likely be posted the next time I have a bad day //

One more quick thing: I will be posting requests this week! I’ve already broken several promises that I made in regards to the time I’d post, and I feel horribly guilty. I’m sorry for the wait. I know I shouldn’t tell you to expect something on a certain day and then delay it for weeks. I should be honest about my efficiency, and I am sorry.

I'm also sorry for not responding to message (this applies to all my blogs...) I see them, but then forget about them, and then cower away because I feel like I'm already too late. I hope this little apology is enough to suffice... I'll apologize properly to every person when I find the courage. I know I shouldn't be doing this to people who've been kind to me just because I feel unwell. Please know that I am very sorry, and I'm trying to be more responsible and less careless to those around me.

💜

Vil Shoenheit

So that's why your skin is so dry and you have bags under your eyes

He scolds you at first. He believes that you’re starving to get a good figure, and he tries to inform you that doing so is unhealthy and that being malnourished actually makes a person quite ugly.

As if you haven’t already heard all this before

You try to tell him that you’re not doing this to look good. At least, not anymore. Sure, it started out as a way to lose weight, but it soon became an obsession much more meaningful than beauty or weight-loss.

He doesn’t understand. Why would you deliberately hurt yourself like that? Especially when you’re aware of all these negative outcomes?

Nevertheless, he is still very worried about you

He wouldn't normally concern himself with such a personal problem, but he would feel so guilty if he just stood back and watched you whither away

So, he does, indeed, go out of his way to try and help you

He finds a psychology book about eating disorders in the library, and he reads it in its entirety

He is... quite disturbed. He never imagined that you could be suffering so badly.

He's smart enough to realize that he, himself, can't do anything to make you better

He encourages you to seek professional help, and he even searches for phone numbers you can call and therapists/counselors close by of whom you can see

You are really touched by his efforts to find help, and you promise him that you will see one of the counselors he recommended

But... several weeks go by, and you haven't done anything

Vil grows furious. Don’t you want help!?

He takes your lack of seeking help rather personally... He went out of his way to provide with the things he felt that you really needed. Don’t you appreciate that? Don’t you care about yourself? What more do you want him to do?

You try to tell him that you don’t want him to do anything, that you’ll find help when you’re ready--

Vil isn’t buying that

What does “ready” mean, anyways? When you’re already in the grave?

He’s a bit harsh on you... He points out the patches of dry skin along your neck and chest, the way the hairs of your arms always stand on end from goosebumps, the metallic taste in your mouth...

Are you happy with those things? Do you really want to live this way?

You try and try to explain to him that it’s hard to get help and go back to eating normally

It spirals into an argument...

Vil is done with this. He did what he could and got you the resources you need to begin recovery. Once you decide to get help, he will be there for you. He will be there whenever you reach out for support, comfort, or care. But, until then, don’t talk to him about it. Don’t complain about your misery until you have sought proper help. It’s your fault at this point, isn’t it?

Rook Hunt

He had noticed that you were very quickly losing a lot of weight

He was concerned, but he never imagined that the problem could be something so serious

You're actually surprised with just how much he's concerned. You thought that if there was anyone to romanticize such a disease, it would be him

But he seems to know more than you thought about such disorders

He begs you to get professional help, and he is quite a bit more pushy and earnest than Vil is...

You try to explain to him that no doctor or therapist could ever help unless you were READY and WANTED to be helped

Well, he doesn't understand why you don't want help

He's pushing and pushing you... begging you to seek a professional

You get so frustrated that you turn and leave. He just doesn't understand!

And now Rook is even more distressed. How will he ever get through to you? How can he ever help you?

Now, every time he sees you, he looks at you with such sorrow

He sadly remarks upon how your beauty is fading... and how he fears that your life may be fading as well

Your heart aches to hear such sincere worry... Your chest feels tighter than it normally does as you crumble with guilt

You promise yourself you'll get better... Just so you won't have to see Rook with a horribly sad expression whenever he passes you

You start eating more in front of him to ease his worry, which does work a little bit

You add about 400 more calories to your usual intake--enough so that your "recovery" becomes visible through the way you bounce with energy

But you stay up late at night, running laps and doing situps to burn off some of that intake

And you keep losing weight

In fact, it's worse now because your body is aching from the unfamiliar intake and exercise...

Well, at least you look better

At least you have Rook fooled

Or so you think. It'll only be a matter of weeks before he catches onto your schemes and grows so distressed once again

He tries to sit you down and have a talk with you... He just really wants you to get help

Epel Felmier

Poor Epel finds out after he witnesses you collapsing in the middle of the hallway when no one else is around

He panics and rushes to your side, trying to see what is wrong and how he can help you

You blacked out for several seconds, which is why you collapsed, but even though you have your vision back, everything is still very cloudy and you are too weak to stand up

This makes Epel panic even more

You try to calm him down, despite your weakness

"it's okay, Epel...! Just get me something to eat. Please, I need something to eat. Hurry!"

He is a bit confused, but he does what you say, and he rushes off to find you some food

While he is gone, you try to stand, but to no avail. Your stomach aches with hunger and you are cold all over. Your body just feels so miserable

He rushes back to you with an apple and places his hands on your shoulders in concern as you quickly eat it down

That apple... It's the best thing you've ever tasted, but it's gone too quickly, and your mouth waters for more as the last bites slide down your throat

Although it was small, it still gives your body such a blissful burst of energy. All your senses are ignited now that you have finally eaten something after such a long fast, and your head is hurting far less

You stand up and smile at Epel, thanking him graciously before turning to leave

Uuuhhhhh.... What was that?

You suddenly collapse on the ground and then are all better after eating a simple apple?

No way is Epel going to let you go just like that. He holds you back, demanding an explanation, for it surely seems you know quite a bit about this bizarre thing that just happened

You try to tell him it's nothing, just a strange thing that happened this one time

Well, then, how did you know how to fix it by eating something?

You quickly lie and tell him you get dizzy sometimes and fall due to low blood sugar

Well, now your story is inconsistent

He presses you for the truth, growing rather angry

His harsh tone begins to scare you, and you tell him... You tell him that, sometimes, you go days without eating, and it of course causes you to grow so weary that you faint

You watch as all the frustration quickly rushes away from Epel's face, leaving his eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock

"That... That's really unhealthy..."

Oh, great. Not this speech again

But, it actually isn't a lecture about how this is such a "dangerous diet"

Instead, Epel pours out all his concern with a sad look upon his face

He knows that he can't do much, but he assures you that you can come to him if ever things become too tough to handle

You're touched by his offer, and you thank him for his understanding

But, now, everytime he's around, he watches you with care to see if you're doing alright and to make sure you don't fall over again

You hadn't expected him to worry this much...

If Epel ever thinks that things are getting out of hand, he will likely go behind your back to someone who can help for your sake

💙

Idia Shroud

He really wishes that he hadn't found out because now he can't stop worrying

This is the kind of thing that would just be easier to ignore and shut away from his mind

But how could he possibly ignore something as serious as this?

He keeps telling himself that this isn't supposed to be his issue

But... It is his issue, isn't it? If you ended up dying and he knew all along about your suffering yet did nothing to help, than that would mean that he aided in your death, right?

He's really starting to panic. He doesn't what you dead. Not at all

But... What is he supposed to do???

He calms himself down and tries to think

Perhaps if he built you a mechanical body that didn't need food this whole thing would seize to be a problem...

No, bad idea

Well, that will be his last resort if nothing else works...

He messages you and tries to plead with you to please just eat and take care of yourself...

You message back, explaining to him that it really isn't that simple

He decides to ask why you're doing this, and he tries to show through his words how much he really cares

You feel comfortable enough in telling him some of the reasons why you think you started, and why it's now so hard to stop and all you want is to continue with it...

Idia is happy that you were able to open up to him this much, but what is he really supposed to do with this information? He's no therapist...

Well, being vulnerable with you emotions and talking about the problem is at least one step in the right direction, isn't it?

Idia continues to try to be a source of comfort for you, while also encouraging you to seek proper help

Ortho Shroud

Oh, no... He can’t help you with this, can he?

Why can’t he help you? Why won’t you get better?

Surely nii-san programmed him with something that could help you...

Right...?

RIGHT!?

Why aren’t you better?

Why are you doing this to yourself!?

Ortho is a mess... so distressed. He can’t understand--he doesn’t have the capacity to understand such a disorder, and he is so frustrated that nothing he does is helping!

And he does everything

He exhausts himself trying to “fix your mind”

His eyes are wide, yellow irises shaking with misery

Knowing that you are willingly hurting yourself actually traumatizes him...

He can't wrap his head around such an awful mental illness. To him, it looks as though you're really trying to harm, hurt, and even kill yourself by your own accord

Something must be wrong with your brain, but he just doesn't know what!

The poor child is so upset. He's panicked and worried sick

And now you feel even worse

Sorry for ending on such a horrible note... I was originally going to have all the dorms, so Diasomnia would’ve come and saved the day, but I just didn’t finish them.