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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 3 years

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Idk how much you know about those with BPD and their partners but I wonder if you could do an analysis on how Paul might have been affected by it if John did in fact have bpd. I’ve been on forums and BPD partners always write about how they’re trauma bonded and how intoxicated they are by their BPD partners, how hard it is to let go and stuff

John, Paul & trauma bonding - an analysis:

“Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight…”

Oooh this is a really great ask!! But also, a really difficult one, because ive had to think about and research it quite a bit. Before diving into the question I just want to make 3 things clear:

1. Not all people with bpd are abusive - but it can be a result of the disorder, and John was abusive. It isn’t uncommon for those who have been abused (a likely cause of the disorders development) to sometimes go on to become the abusers: its a cycle. John, in my opinion, experienced some emotional/verbal abuse from Mimi - and this combined with Johns abandonment traumas, I think are the key causes for him *possibly* developing the disorder, and also the roots of his patterns of abuse within relationships.

2. We don’t know for certain if John had bpd - but I think you can make a fairly strong argument for the case that he did. But we’ll never know. But just to make my life easier, im going to discuss Johns psychology here as if he were actually diagnosed with bpd, because I don’t want to have to constantly be typing out “but obviously we dont know for certain that he had bpd this is just speculation ok—”

3. I am not a mental health professional, im just a 17 year old girl whose giving her opinion on all this. I do feel as though I know enough about bpd to at least have an opinion on this though - my brother has been diagnosed with bpd so I know what a relationship with someone with the disorder can look like. I have also independently researched the disorder quite extensively by means of various books, works and even just internet forums and discussions, because its something that really interests me. So whilst I feel like I can give an opinion on this, I think its still crucial that I clarify that I am not an actual mental health professional, just someone with an interest in psychology, and so there might be misconceptions throughout this - feel free to correct me on those, I won’t be offended.

Okay so now that thats all out of the way, onto the substance of the ask!

In my opinion, John’s bpd very much did invade his relationship with Paul, and the insecurity, angst, anger and overall instability that arose as a result of never being properly treated for the disorder, is the actual root cause for the the Lennon/McCartney breakup - and so when dissecting the relationship, and subsequent breakups and rebounds etc. I find it to be important and enlightening to analyse it through a borderline lens.

I think that there is some very real truth to the argument that John and Paul were trauma bonded, and ill talk about examples of this throughout their relationship later, but the first thing im going to suggest is that the way in which John treated Paul was arguably emotionally abusive. @thecoleopterawithana made a really interesting post relating to this, which I would recommend giving a read, but essentially, John would “test” Paul, to try and uncover if his love was genuinely unconditional, or if Paul was prepared to inevitably abandon and discard him: ultimately, Pauls love was unconditional.

And Pauls unconditional love, as well as his constant defences of John’s unsavoury behaviour might be evidence of trauma bonding.

Paul seemed to stay at a relative (physical, though also emotional) distance from John (and the others, but namely, John) during the mid-60s, by living in London whilst the rest moved into the suburbs. This is perhaps because Paul understood on some level that he couldn’t get too close with John, because that only tended to result in harm on both behalf’s. Space was mandatory for the relationship to work.

Paul seemed bound to John, however; it didn’t appear to matter how much John hurt him (and in my opinion, he hurt him a lot. I think his relationship with John genuinely took a toll on his confidence and self-security over the years) he seemed always prepared to be there for John, and to make amends. Part of this I think is because Paul is just a somewhat paternal person, by nature. It seems as though he seeks to “save” people, to some degree, but he also doesn’t like to get too wrapped up within their issues. So he’s always there for John, prepared to comfort and defend him - but he’s never fully there. He’ll never tell John everything he’s feeling, there has to be almost this barrier; almost like a parent/child relationship in my opinion: Paul has to maintain that idolatry status.

Im further inclined to believe that there was almost a parental relationship* between the two by this quote (x) : “I always find myself wanting to excuse John’s behaviour, just because I loved him. It’s like a child, sure he’s a naughty child, but don’t you call my child naughty. Even if it’s me he’s shitting on, don’t you call him naughty. That’s how I felt about this and I still do. I don’t have any grudge whatsoever against John. I think he was a sod to hurt me. I think he knew exactly what he was doing and because we had been so intimate he knew what would hurt me and he used it to great effect.”

(*I should clarify however that just because I compare them to a parent and child, doesn't mean I think their relationship reflected that exclusively. In my opinion, it was one so convoluted that it cant really be subjected to just one exclusive term such as "romantic" or "platonic" or "brotherly" etc. - there are aspects of all these attributes between John and Paul, but I wouldn't use any one word to define them)

Paul was certainly hurt by John, but what especially stands out to me is that Paul could acknowledge that the pain John so often caused him over the years, was purposeful, and yet he still chose to forgive him every time. He even sought to make amendments, despite Johns prevailing rejections and disparagements.

But after all these attempts in reestablishing a relationship, I think John still had an issue of assuming he was unloved - which was especially difficult to quell with those he cared for the most. As Paul said in ‘Dear Boy’ “I guess you never knew…that love was there. And maybe when you look to hard…you never do become aware. I guess you never did become aware”. John searched so thoroughly for love, so much so that he could never accept how apparent it was. These lyrics (if they are about John, which I think they almost certainly are) seem to suggest that Paul eventually grew tired of trying to make John see that he loved and cared for him. He’d tried and tried again to satisfy that insecurity within John, but he just never could.

“It was honesty, but it could hurt. And it wasn't really all that honest. He knew he could hurt. He could be wicked. But I'm always sensible. That's me. I would never say the things he said.” - again, this quote tells us that Paul recognised the pain and the abuse of which John inflicted upon him, and also recognised that it was not accidental.

These weren't slip-of-the-tongue remarks that John would make; when John would say he didn't like a song Paul wrote for example, it was an intimate insult. For sure, they were a band, and so criticising a song your bandmate has written certainly isn't abusive - and, if words are minced delicately, im sure most would hesitate to even call pure constructive criticism between bandmates "cruel". Simply, thats what you do if you're in a band, you have to communicate your likes and dislikes. But the difference is that there always seems to be a subtle but real cruelty to John with his "criticisms" - and im certain that "I don't like your song" is far from the worst thing John would have ever said to Paul. Especially in later years, when John would criticise his former partners work, there was always this hint of aggression and underlying motive to hurt, rather then just a pure "I want to help him improve his work" sentiment.

I think Paul could be prone to hurting John too, but I don't believe this was intentional for the most part. Im sure he must have said some nasty and fowl things during arguments, but I don't think Paul is the type to just make useless, un-motivated, cruel remarks, just out of his own insecurity. And I feel as though Paul could recognise that this insecurity was the chief cause compelling John to hurt others - thus why Paul is so prone to defending and forgiving him. He pitied him (as expressed in this Howard Stern interview).

And it also appears that he could never have accepted being entirely estranged from John; I cant imagine Paul ever cutting John out completely, I think he would always have been there for him, irregardless of the painful toll it could take on him. And I feel that he still sought Johns approval, even after acknowledging that it was not the be all and end all of judgements. Even if every critic on the planet praised his work, I think Paul would still be inclined to gain Johns approval, because it really meant something to him (x).

Therefore, it isn't surprising that Paul might question how real the love between him and John actually was. If John could switch from extremes of friendliness to antagonism, its no surprise that Paul struggles to comprehend that John did love him - and in whichever way you choose to interpret this love, it was still just that at its very core: love. But that this love was so often diverted in place of cruel comments coming from just scared and lonely man, naturally has made Paul ponder the question over the years.

A weaker piece of evidence, though one I still feel is worth mentioning, is that Pauls lyrics suggest to me a relationship that involved a lot of inconsistent expressions of love. Lyrics like: “Maybe im amazed at the way you love me all the time” and “Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight” feel especially evocative of this, particularly the lyric from ‘Maybe Im Amazed’. It seems almost passive aggressive to me, suggesting that Paul found Lindas consistent warmth and love incredulous, because he’d spent so many years experiencing Johns mood swings and black and white thought patterns. But as I admitted earlier, they aren’t particularly strong pieces of evidence, just something to think about really.

We have to question however, where John might have picked up these “trauma bonding” behavioural patterns from. Id argue, it relates strongly to John having scarcely felt like he was loved and appreciated in the truest sense growing up. Those that were warmer and more open with their love (Uncle George, Julia etc.), tragically left him, whether by choice or not. And those that stuck around (Aunt Mimi) seemed to have found real difficultly in expressing this same warmth.

I get the sense that John gathered this nature of criticising others, in place of expressing love, chiefly from his Aunt Mimi. Mimi was allegedly highly critical of John throughout his lifetime - according to Cynthia (x) she, “brought John up very strictly, with lots of rules and expectations. She was hard to please, easily disappointed, and she would make it known…Mimi obviously worshiped him, [but] John was clearly a disappointment to her.”

The words, “easily disappointed, and she would make it known” especially stand out to me, because they suggest that Mimi’s constant disappointments and degrading of John was not really driven by her want for him to do well in school, work etc. but more so that she just felt this narcissistic compulsion to disparage others. I don’t deny that Johns behaviour throughout his adolescence must have been hugely frustrating to her (skipping school, drinking, failing classes etc.), and with him growing up in the 1950s, im not expecting her to have reacted to these rebellions in the same manner that a parent might today (with a little more empathy due to advances in our understanding of psychology) - but I still have to wonder, what made John rebel in such a way? What was the drive? It seems as though he was well-equipped with all the resources he could have needed to do well in school, and yet there was no motivation, no pull for him to do so. To say that he was “just a teenager” or “just lazy” seems a little too simple for me; id argue that it was more so driven by his inability to satisfy Mimi as a child. I think Mimi’s constant meanderings and subtle criticisms drove out any inclination in John to do well in school, and instilled instead this tendency to rebel.

In my opinion, Mimi dissolved him of any self-confidence - and although she did provide John with a security that Julia seemingly could not, I think she was still constructing an insecure attachment pattern in John, through her passive aggression and criticism. It seems John could scarcely make her proud, because she just was not willing express a lot of warmth with him; and I think ultimately, these traits were reflected within John and his relationships with others, in later life. His ego remained so hurt and fractured by comments made consistently throughout his upbringing, that he subsequently felt this compulsion to hurt and disregard those around him in a similar vain.

As Cynthia once said, its almost as though John was both this hurt, lonely little boy, whilst simultaneously also being this tired and broken, middle-aged man. There were so many troubles wrapped up within him, that he felt the only way to satisfy this was to hurt others; but of course, that did not work.

I don’t deny that there was plenty of affection between the two - especially after the Beatles got famous. John no longer needed Mimi in his life, but he kept in touch with her to a degree that suggests he really did appreciate her. In a lot of ways, the relationship between John and Mimi reminds me of me and my own mothers relationship. She’s never been a particularly warm person, certainly prone to criticism, and growing up she was not empathetic or understanding of aspects concerning mental health and personality. But there is still a lot of love between us (as I think there was between John and Mimi), and in some ways its good to have a pretty “old-school” person, who isn’t excessively caught up in psycho-analysis or introspection; its kind of grounding, y’know. And so, perhaps im just projecting, but thats partly why I feel like John came to really appreciate Mimi in later years. But despite Johns appreciation and respect for his Aunt, I think its still fair to acknowledge her short-comings as a parent, and discuss how these attributes might have shaped John in later life. I don't place the entire burden of blame for Johns mental health issues upon her, because there were multiple traumas he experienced throughout his lifetime. But I am still especially compelled to dissect his relationship with Mimi, and her treatment of him, even more so then I am with his relationship with Julia or Alf!

So overall, I do think that John and Paul were trauma bonded. John could be cruel to Paul, and though Paul might have pushed back on this abuse, showing some intolerance towards John, he was still always prepared to return to him, and appeared always to be seeking his approval. Even if John will never know the many ways Paul tried to show him he loves him, and tried to keep him from abandoning him, Paul will still always be led back to that ‘Long And Winding Road’.

#the long and winding POST #yeah this is really long guys #im not sure how to add those 'read more' things so sorry if this post is taking up your whole feed #mclennon #asks #sorry lol #bpd #john and bpd #anon #johns psyche #psychology #pauls psyche #aunt mimi #johns childhood #cynthia #analysis #cynthia powell #john and cyn #best posts

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pale-cheezit · 3 years

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Can you answer every 5th question from your 216-question ask post? Thanks!

Girl you're killin me lol. I'm bored though so thanks for giving me something to do!! I know I'm really late posting this but oh well. Thanks for the ask :)

5) Book/series I reread?

My favorite author is Tana French and I've reread her books a few times. I've reread the book "The Shack" by William P. Young a few times as well. I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting right now.

10) The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

Probably fuck. As in, "that's fucking great" or "this is fucking awesome" or something like that lol

15) Last song I listened to?

Some new Five Finger Death Punch song that was on the radio

20) Favorite video games?

Probably New Super Mario Bros

25) Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

Ooof... I can't think of any off the top of my head. I have some actors that I like that make me go "oh theyre in this movie, it might be good" but I don't think I ever really watch anything just because of a certain actor.

30) Eye color?

Blueish/greenish. Changes colors sometimes depending on what I'm wearing.

35) Am I excited about anything?

Not really.

40) What do I think about most?

I swing wildly between thinking about insignificant nonsense and everything I'm worried/anxious about (my very uncertain future and what to do with myself and mental health shit I'm going through) and I think about my loved ones a lot too!

45) Last film I watched?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame lol

50) How do I destress?

I'm pretty good at pushing things out of my mind when I want to or need to (a blessing and a curse) Also smoke weed. Idk, feels like I'm always stressed about something in the back of my mind.

55) Play any sports?

I don't anymore but I played volleyball for almost 10 years of my life. Good times. I miss those days.

60) Pet peeve?

People that put masks on their kids.

65) What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

Friskies world from the cat food commercial of course

70) Can I sing?

I think I can sing ok. I'm not amazing but also not horrible.

75) Where do I want to live?

Away from people and traffic!!! I hate how close together the houses are in the suburbs. But I don't want to be so far in the middle of nowhere that I have to drive hours to get groceries. Idk, maybe I wouldn't mind that after awhile, I'd probably get used to it. I just want my own land and to be able to walk out the back door and have my own personal shooting range on my property.

80) Can I drive?

Yeah. Can't drive stick though. I should learn.

85) Favorite genre of music?

Rock

90) Favorite sporty activity?

Uhhh like walking or hiking I guess. Baseball definitely.

95) How tall am I?

5'7"

100) Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

I have NO friends lol

105) Last person I texted?

My mom

110) Do I like selfies?

Eh sort of. If I'm feeling good about myself, I might take a few but that's rare for me these days. I like to take pictures of much more interesting things instead! Selfies are boring!

115) Favorite number?

8 I guess

120) Am I much of a daredevil?

Depends on the situation and the mood I'm in. I can be. We all got a little daredevil in us if we drink enough lol

125) The Beatles or Elvis?

Elvis

130) Favorite piece of advice?

Hmm....Anything Jordan Peterson says is usually great advice lol. But I guess simple things like be yourself, enjoy the small things in life, never miss a good chance to shut up, others can inspire and support you- but only you can save yourself, assume you know nothing, listen to your elders cause they know a thing or two about life (SOMETIMES)

135) Do I like gossip?

Eh not really. It depends. I know I'm guilty of it because that's all women be doin but you can definitely cross a line with that stuff and some people have issues with that and that shit can be annoying. it's definitely something I try not to do too much because I wouldn't want others to gossip about me behind my back

140) Do I believe people are capable of change?

I'd like to think so. I mean, I think its not ALWAYS the case. There's definitely people that wont or cant change but there's also plenty of people that are willing to put in the work and have changed themselves and their lives.

145) In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

Bitch nobody could play me or my family better than me or my family

150) What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

I honestly don't know. I thought of a few different things and realized none of them were really decisions I 100% made for myself /: I've had a life so far that's been filled with other people making decisions for me. Kind of one of my problems I gotta work on. I guess I would say choosing to finally leave the shitty relationship I was in but he kind of left me in the end so it wasn't completely my decision. There's probably a bunch of small decisions I've made in the past that turned out great for me that I'm just forgetting right now.

155) Who is the most intelligent person I know?

I used to think my brother was because he was a genius child but then I grew up and realized there's a lot of different ways to be intelligent. I was gonna say Jordan Peterson but I dont actually know him lol. It's a hard question for me because I truly believe people are intelligent in so many different ways and Ive met many people that are smart in some ways but dumb in others. I guess my Dad would make the list if I had to pick someone.

160) What color mostly dominates my wardrobe?

BLUE

165) Do I believe in fate?

I think so. I think we can change our fate though too.

170) One of my favorite quotes?

"those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."- Ben Franklin

"unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality"- Emily Dickinson

I have a TON of favorite quotes, I could take up pages lol. Those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.

175) Do I dream?

Yes, every single time I sleep. Even when I take a nap. I'm always dreaming.

180) Do I like shopping?

It depends on my mood and what I'm shopping for. Sometimes I'm in the mood to shop and I have fun with it but other times I'm not feeling it at all. I don't like spending money, it makes me feel guilty.

185) If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

Probably being an excellent shot. As skilled as Annie Oakley- if that's even possible haha

190) If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

60s or 70s. Maybe the 20s.

195) Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

Fuck no. Definitely wouldnt be like some sci-fi movie. It'd be fucking terrifying.

200) Dragons or wizards?

Neither. Never been into either of those things. I also never got what the big deal about dragons is

205) Do I like my handwriting?

Yeah I suppose. Its very inconsistent. It goes from messy to neat to somewhere in between all in one page. Just like me lol

210) What is on my bucket list?

Travel. See the world. I dont have anything super specific but I definitely wish I could see all this world has to offer.

215) What is the weirdest talent I have?

I have no idea. I have no talent that I can think of. I'm sure there's gotta be something but I have no clue right now.

#me #asks #questions #about me

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wickedghastly · 3 years

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y’all that lemon trick and hex really hits when it needs to hit like holy fucking shit.

CHEERS BITCH MAY ALL YA HEXES HIT THE WAY THIS SHIT DID

i dont think ive publically talked about this but my neighbor’s upstairs are family to my landlord and for all the years ive lived here those bitches have hated me and my family and threatened to assault my mother (never did cuz theyre punk ass scary ass bitches) like theyre ALWAYS in some shit and some problems (thats why the street life and chasing fast money isnt worth it) always threatening people always screaming always literally MISERABLE MISERABLE people making everyone ese around them miserable

over the summer since i cant smoke in my house i got permission from the landlord to smoke on my backporch. these bitches, who dont know how to communicate like human beings instead of childish wild animals, ended up at some point throwing mop water on me and my partner from their porch upstairs onto me. even after the landlord telling them they needed to stop throwing their dirty mop water out onto our porch because they ruined our wooden table and i wanted to install my handmade haitian hammock to enjoy but was too scared too because itd get ruined by their filthy nasty ass water, they decided to throw mop water off their porch onto me DURING A PANDEMIC and when i cussed them out the stupid bitch was just laughing about it. Because she thought she could get away with it bc the landlord is her son.

girl when i tell you i took all that long pentup anger and rage and threw some shit at them. CUZ I WAS FUCKING TIRED. TIRED. its YEARS of their fucking bullshit and abuse. YEARS. Over NOTHING bc ever since I first moved there at 16 i ALWAYS tried being friendly and nice but they just HATED me for NO REASON. We could never move because the way our city has been gentrified we’d have to leave our city to the suburbs because of how unaffordable its become. depriving us of too many programs and opportunities we need to survive. so we put up with those bitches for years because we had no choice.

and that shit fucking HIT to the level I NEVER EXPECTED IT TO.

Within the first few days of me making that lemon the landlord went up there AND CUSSED THEM ALL THE FUCK OUT. Literally I stood next to my backdoor so I could vibe and listen and it was BEAUTIFUL. How the fuck is your own son telling you you behave like a 5 year old or an animal has better manners than you. That she’s fucking insane and needs to get fucking help. Y’ALL THEY WERE CRYING AND SCREAMING AT HIM LIKE “HOW DARE YOU SIDE WITH THEM AND NOT YOUR ACTUAL FAMILY”. A whole motherfucking BLOWOUT. It was hard to hear because of HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE YELLING AND JUST HOW MUCH ARGUING HAPPENED but I remember he left with a loud ass SLAM with all of them upstairs discussing how “You need to support family” whatever whatever “im going to talk to housing” etc.

After that, I didnt hear a PEEP from those people for a while. When I would see them, instead of their usual scowls and stares, they literally pretend I dont exist. LIKE THANK YOU. THATS ALL I WANTED. WHY COULDNT YOU JUST DO THAT FROM THE JUMP.

Y’all but it gets even better. THEY FUCKING MOVED. HE LITERALLY KICKED THEM THE FUCK OUT, HIS OWN FAMILY. I THOUGHT I had heard him saying to them during the blowout that they needed to leave but I wasnt sure!!! BUT HE DID HE KICKED THEIR ASSES OUT!!!!!! I realized it when a new man was living upstairs, I dont see either of their cars anymore, I never hear them in the early morning, their stuff isnt downstairs, they got rid of a giant workout machine (that my cousin snatched up), their name isnt on the mailbox anymore...............THEYRE FUCKING OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT WASNT EVEN MY INTENTION!! I just wanted them to feel all the paina nd misery they had inflicted on my family over these years and BITCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Yo i didnt even think it was gonna hit like that!!!!! At all!!!!!! I expected maybe for them to always be fighting with each other and aggravating each other but THE FACT THAT THEY LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i let that shit fester until it got fucking worms and bugs all over it outside until i got rid of it at the crossroads and Im convinced that was the ~*secret ingredient*~ that really had it hit harder than I intended to but LMFAOOOOOoooooooOOoooooo

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD WHEN NOT ONLY DID YOU NOT EXPECT IT TO ACTUALLY HIT (its been like over a year since i last did some baneful shit) YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT AND THEEEEEENNNN.......AAAAAAAHHHHHHH

#personal experiences*#curse work

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theycallmegothboy · 3 years

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1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? -spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess 3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size? -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear? -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao 49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car? -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18. 54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job? -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles? -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods? -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce? -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed? -wouldnt you like to know? ;)) 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw? -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw? -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you? -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment 81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor? -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules. 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier 85. what shirt are you wearing? -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high? -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk? -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate? -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter? -fall. fuck you 96. day or night? -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month? -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

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embroideried · 4 years

Text

i am done making memes for a grade in a college course so i will now answer these questions sent by the lovely @mistwood

i think most ppl would think to tag have been already so Answer Them...... but i will also tag @uglyfruit if u want :)

1. are you named after anyone? - my first name was my great grandmother’s and my middle name is a combination of my mom and her sister’s middle names (ann) and her other sister’s middle name (leigh) (leighann :p)! not sure why my grandma decided to give two of her daughters the same middle name. also unsure as to why i still havent contacted the registrar at my college to explain that my middle name is not Lieghann

2. when was the last time you cried? - i was on the phone w one of my friends that i met on kpop twt like 7 yrs ago and she mentioned how quickly after the rest of shinee comes back frm the military that taemin has to enlist and i started crying JKSDGSHLFGJF

3. do you have kids? - no :p

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? - much less than i used to bc im not as huge of a dick but like. if we are friends and ik u will know i am kidding Especially if we are in person and u can see my face. yes i do

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? - i never know how to answer this question omg. um. like. mouth

6. what’s your eye color? - green :)

7. scary movie or happy ending? - happy of course i love happiness but i am a Horror Fan still

8. any special talents? - i can bend my left elbow in the opposite direction its supposed to go and cant even feel it <3

9. where were you born? - suburb of st louis :p and i still live there when im not at school

10. what are your hobbies? - i write and draw and roll around on my exercise ball and watch tv and play cat game on the iPhone

11. do you have any pets? - my sister has a dog thats almost 2 yrs old but he pissed in my lap on purpose last time i saw him so im not claiming him as family anymore

12. what sports do you play / have you played? - i played soccer when i was 6 or 7 and went to one game where i stood off to the side w my best oldest friend who was on the other team and we talked thru the whole thing which is still one of the funniest things ive ever done in my life. also i did tap and ballet for a couple years before that

13. how tall are you? - 5′4ish [baby emoji]

14. favorite subject in school? - english -______________- unfortunately it continues. also linguistics is the best but u dont formally do that in k12

15. dream job? - none <3 but i would like to work on fictional writing/script writing be that w my own work or editing other ppls stuff bc i am obsessed w authentic dialogue >:) almost anything that makes a regular ass person talk like a poet out of character bc the author wants 2 flex as a Writer i pop a blood vessel

#long post

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chimcharstar · 5 years

Note

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young.

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows?

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof.

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo!

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube?

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE

#rambling #WOW #bug

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shakingsphere · 5 years

Text

um i need a distraction so heres a question thing that yall are supposed to send to me but i just answered all of them if ur interested

Alisons: Sexuality?

straight i think

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/her cis

Amaryllis: Birthday?

january 30th!

Anemone: Favorite flower?

idk what they’re called but these vine type flowers on the side of my porch!

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

atla

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

depends on the context, definitely nothing where they could take advantage of me

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

i hate quotes i can never remember any lmao

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

.... diet coke

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

maybe? he didnt love me back

Baneberries: Favorite song?

vienna by billy joel

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my parents are nice and supportive but overbearing and judgmental. my dad has a tendency to talk when its not his place and my mom is very jewish. my sister doesnt like me very much and is kind of rude. one of my brothers is really nice and the other is awful

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I dont

Begonia: Favorite color?

green

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

red panda

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

a cat

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

an animator

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

i love kids theyre so cute

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

heights bc theyre scary, and unachieving because i dont want to waste my life

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i used to play with ants a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

like if i was conscious it was my last day? i dont even know

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single :/

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

central asia and iran

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when im with my friends and we’re just hanging out

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

no ma’am i am a child of god

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

my ear lobes and i want to get my doubles done

California Poppy: Height?

5′3. it be like that

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!! omg

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

a college sweatshirt and pj pants with penguins on them

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

when i was little....

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

my friend hannah

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

i haven’t...

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

um lobster?

Columbine: Are you tired?

yeah lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

college and moving out of state!!

Coneflower: Dream job?

something where i can use my degree lmao

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

i think im an introvert but i also might just have anxiety

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

maybe?

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i would take a bullet for most of my loved ones

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

yes. a tie-dyed teddy bear named tie-dye. he is my husband.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

nothing that people who arent me should remember, but i think our experiences shape us so

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

im not dead idk

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

um id probably be upset i care about my parents approval way to much

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

my friend hannah again lol

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

public speaking!!

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

math

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

um i met my future roommate, i lost a bit of weight, and i got some cute shorts

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

stressful!

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

join my college’s honors program and study in russia

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

im not doing this one too tired

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

xanax

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

i try to tell ppl they are important to me

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

im funny i think

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

i wake up at 9:30 its 70 degrees Fahrenheit and i get lunch with some friends and then we hang out for the day

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

im so bad about this all i do is watch youtube and study, but i love to draw and im going to start reading more

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

pretty sure its french for clear or bright (depending on the context). my mom just liked it

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

im from a suburb of kck. its a nice and safe place to grow up but i wouldnt choose to live here

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

nice, but its in the basement so the view is really bad i hate that

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

no nope no

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she is very smart and hardworking but very judgmental and a bit inconsiderate. she loves me very much tho

Onions: Tell about your dad.

he is short and angry. he tends to interrupt me a lot. he is supportive of everything i do. he is stingy about money tho

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my mother’s mom died before i was born, and my i was never close with her father. he died when i was 8. my other grandma has bad dementia and isn’t sure who i am anymore. shes presbyterian but she would send my sister and i dreidels and such for hanukkah. im told i look a lot like her. my grandfather has been very grumpy for as long as ive known him.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

my 13th. i had an anxiety attack and had to go home early.

Peony: What was your first job?

i was a hostess at a seafood restaurant.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

i give myself time to process it and then just move forward i guess

Pink: Where is home?

where your sense of belonging is ig idk

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

i would have made better grades and quit band in middle school haha

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i want to be happy with 2 kids and a husband and live below my means but still be comfortable

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

nihil was a philosopher.

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

fuck idk my dog

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

background noise when your sitting outside

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

for everything to work out!!!

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

very very hard

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

the internet

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hours but i overslept

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

i have to

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

i dont have a job rn and thats bad

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my jeans from uo

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

cool librarian or 90s mom

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

160,000 dollars :)

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

the cost of college!!!!

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

oof like 2. i read Dune, and Slaughterhouse Five

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

college! finishing up my first semester

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yeah :(

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

ive been late to ap french almost every day this semester #c’estlavie

#personal

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taylornock · 5 years

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moments + feelings.

life is weird. its fucking weird!

there are so many things that happen in your life for a reason. so. damn. many. and the people, the people in your life. i am a firm believer and lover of the power of people to change you - i can not even begin to explain the impact that different people have had on my life as i have grown. good or bad, big or small, simple or major big picture, the people i am surrounded by are constantly shaping the person that i am.

i am so incredibly blessed with the life i have, and although there are days i curse the heavens for whatever is thrown at me or my loved ones, i am so unbelievably grateful. when i look at the people i love and whose name pops up on my phone throughout the day it leaves me speechless.

its so hard to recognize and appreciate that all these people care about me and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings and interests. connections are so special, and i value them more than anything.

i don’t care what anyone tells you, money means nothing. in the grand scheme of things if i have $15 to my name but have the best people to spend that $15 on, everything makes sense. this is how it’s supposed to be.

i could write for hours on the impact of random people on my life. the impact of my parents. the impact of the family in cleveland and all over the world who have raised me. the impact of my friends who have taught me more about maturity, growth, and who i am myself than i could even begin to think of on my own.

its a wednesday night in july around 10:13 pm and im writing this because i don’t know why? i am feeling extra #tender tonight and want to start writing out feelings like this so i can remember them.

this year, i have had some of the best “feelings”; those type of feelings i know i should write down immediately.

i remember the feeling of looking at my roommate, my best friend, the sister i never had, as we woke up on a sunday morning and realized that we were both going to receive bids from the sororities we wanted; that after a 2 week period of self conscious judging and overanalyzing we found places that we could call home inside the school we had already made ours. i love you, E. i remember the feeling of watching my favorite band light up a stage in columbus with beautiful graphics of malibu skies, and leaning my head on the shoulder of one of my best friends who loves music in her soul just as much as me, feeling so connected and happy at one of the greatest nights ive ever had. i love you, C. i remember the feeling of the first stupid drive around the suburbs in my best friend’s white subaru, just like it was summer 2018 again and we were just graduating high school sobbing about leaving each other for schools 74 miles away from each other. i love you,E. i remember the feeling of venting to my best friend about anxiety and how much of a struggle is to tell everyone you are okay and let your parents know that maybe it isn’t just you and you need someone to tell you that you are gonna be okay. i remember talking to each other and realizing that just taking a pill for the serotonin in our bodies that doesn’t quite add up doesnt make us science experiments; it makes us just as human and struggling as the rest of the whole god damn planet. i love you, J.

at school, i remember the feeling of telling one of my best friends that i didnt know if i was okay and i thought i was going crazy. i remember her telling me to never apologize and to stop fucking saying sorry. saying sorry for what? being sad? i remember her feeding my tissues as i laid in her bed and telling me she would take me to as many appointments that i needed to tell me that i was gonna be okay. i love you, R.

i remember the feeling of leaving behind my dorm, that number 7 2 7, that i had called my own home and the first sign of independence id had for the past year. i loved that little tiny box and every soul that flew in and out of it so much, my heart still hurts. i remember walking across the hall to say goodbye to the sister i had developed over the past semester, and hugging her into my chest as we both sobbed refusing to believe that all the fun was over. i love you, J.

its so hard for me to accept change, and when things are different, i hate facing the truth of the matter in that life goes on keeping steady moving no matter how fucking hard you try and stop it.

all of these feelings are in my mind and make up every inch of my being - i am feeling especially overwhelmed in this moment with all these times that ive had.

the inner demons in me are telling me that writing this is stupid and i need to stop having epiphanies when im alone - but for the first time in a long time im telling myself to shut up. being alone makes me sad and think extra hard but right now i am going to cherish the feeling of my hot laptop on my legs and the sound of the fan running in my room as i write this in the silence of my house. i am going to miss this moment more than i can understand in years from now, when things are so so much different and never as simple as they are now.

i hate how much time i take for granted and i hate how much i complain about the things that dont even matter. i love everyone and everything in my life so much, even the days and things i HATE have made me the person i am. i love people, i love music i love quotes i love things i love places . i love living and i love writing. i love writing about this moment and all the moments to come - im going to make this page a journal of moments. follow along with me for alllllll the feelings of life baby. imma do me and i want everyone to feel it with me. lets connect

xoxoxox

gossiP GIRL

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brightlytae · 5 years

Note

3, 4, 7, 10, 12, 16, 19, 23, 26, 27, 31, 34, 37, 38, 40, 44, 48, 52, 56, 59, 60, 61, 64, 67, 69, 73, 77, 78, 83, 85, 88, 94, 97, 99!!

3) eye colour: Green

4) Do you like your name? Why? I do like my name! I feel like it suits me... like idk why but its nice and short and where I live, it’s rare so i feel kinda unique ahah

7) Hair colour: Blonde

10) Answered here!

12) What size bed do you have? double

16) Favourite make up brands: Mac, morphe, anastasia beverly hills, revolution, Nyx,

19) shoe size? uk size 6!

23) Answered here!

26) Pillow number: 4!

27) Do you have a job? lol nope

31) answered here!

34) Favourite actress?

37) Read A lot? Fave Book? I do read a lot... or i used to before uni work took over my life. The Princess Bride.

38) Money or Brains? brains 100% intelligence is so attractive to me

40) How many times have you been to the hospital? far too many to count. Fun Fact! I’ve seen almost every single specialist department at the hospital! Also! most of the blood nurses recognise me so i get to skip the lines!

44) Biggest fear? gosh i have so many...

48) Role Model? Lin Manuel Miranda and Shonda Rhimes

52) Dream Car? VW trekker 181

56) Rural areas or suburbs? i would normally say rural area but honestly im starting to think suburbs??

59) Do you smile for pictures? Always because i dont know how to pose any other way

60) How many pictures do you have on your phone? 1,359

61) Have you ever peed in the woods? I have not. I don’t even think ive ever been in the woods long enough to ever have to thankfully

64) Dipping sauce? bbq or perinaise (its a uk thing, look it up!)

67) Hobbies? at the minute all of my spare time is devoted to art, writing or music

69) Instrument? I used to play piano

73) Do you want to get married? The thought would be nice but like im also not really sure...

77) Do you miss anyone right now? A few people...

78) Sleep with door open or closed? closed!

83) Regular or golden oreos? ive never had a golden oreo so gotta go with reg

85) What shirt are you wearing? Im actually wearing a mens department oversized striped jumper that is very cute and very comfortable

88) Do you like it when people play with your hair? No, not really at all tbh!

94) Answered Here!

97) chocolate type? Milk chocolate

99) Zodiac Sign? Cancer

Thank you!! 💕💕

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shinee-smile · 6 years

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Get to know me tag~~

Tagged by @ripburntgucci ~~ hellooooo, thank you <3

Rules: Answer 30 questions (got mine from a random generator) and then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better ~~

Do you spell the color as grey or gray? gray

What is your favorite cultural activity? christmas dinner i believe

Do you take any pills or medication daily? no (thanks chavez)

Have you ever suffered a fracture? in my collarbone when i was two!

Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? shoot straight; I like people being honest even if it hurts, its the best thing that someone could do.

Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? The Notebook!

What flavor of tea do you enjoy? Chamomile

What is a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? when i think about something that hasn’t be on my mind years or a lot of time ago and some days later someone mentions me or experience soemnthing related to that without me telling them anything about it before.

What scares you about aging? oh ive never thought abut it...but i think that to forget things and loss people i care

What is the first amusement park you’ve been to? Bimbolandia, an amusement park that is really not amazing hahaha

One thing you know now that you wish you had known as a kid? Be a volunteer! (animal protectionist or ambientalist activities)

What has been the hardest thing for you to face or learn? adulthood

What is your favorite color? yellow

Are you a morning person or a night owl? morning personnnn

What about religion has changed for you as you’ve aged? dont be an extremist, have faith and keep it, that will help you and will be enough.

What is something that scares you that you would never ever try? skydiving and bungee jumping

What piece of art did you see that you’ve never forgotten? masterpieces made by Carlos Cruz Diez

Would you rather live in a rural area or the suburbs? suburbs

How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? i dont doodle

Would you rather live in ancient Greece or ancient Rome? ancient Greece

Would you rather be able to play 10 different instruments beautifully or speak 10 different languages fluently? speak 10 different languages

What do you consider unforgivable? willful murder

Is there any item you collect? dogs stuff like books, albums, photos :)

Do you know how to pump your own gas? no

Would you rather walk funny or talk funny? talk funny

Who is your favorite celebrity? Michael Jackson

Do you remember your dreams? mostly the bad ones

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? 19 LOL

What is one of the worse things that could happen to you? to lose everything: my mom, dad, dogs, friends, my studies, my house

What is something most people don’t know about you? That i have a really open taste in music. Most people say: oh i really didnt believe that you listen rock. Or ‘’i didnt knew you liked kpop’’ even: ‘’You really like merengue and salsa??’’ That and the fact that I was a cosplayer LMAO

Tagging: @joshergha @on-ho @ohshinee @ohsoshinee @sapphicshawol @ultrakdramamama @oldneww @ohmyminh0 @jjongosaurus @mintytaemin @minjunqie @shineemoon @shineelovclub @sobrightandshinee @eliboliloli do it if you want ~~

#know me #thank you for the tag!

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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surveys 062.

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? It’s at 55%

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Yeppppppppppp

Who did you last talk to and what did you say? i sent a comma to kile. I can’t communicate to him anymore but it’s kind of my way of saying I’m here presently and available to read your messages. it probably annoys him and I should stop.

What's your favourite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes. many times.

How far do you live from New York City? uhhhhh google says 12.5 hours. not too bad.

How often do you talk to your parents? mom usually every day. dad maybe 2x a year

What was the weather like in your town today? lets google. it was 92 today

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? talk to me goose, comin’ in hot, that’s ridiculous, sup homie

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? ehgghghg

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, many times.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? serendipity

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? I would say John

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but every couple days.

What accent do you have? midwestern.

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It varies. usually a tree scent of some sort

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? hmm. babysitting an infant for like 2 hours 3x a week and making like 260 bucks a week.

How about the worst? nannying for a family where the dad was constantly trying to hit on me.

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, pretty curly.

What is your ultimate goal in life? To continuously find beauty in every day

Have you ever visited someone in prison? nope

What months were you and your siblings born in? july, august, august, january

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? ahahhahahaha ummm a few of them. i am often in a “forgot your password?” situation

What are your three favourite vegetables? broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? its SEVERELY decreased since not being on my phone with kile. looking at my phone usually brings me sadness, because i seldom have any word from him. so I just leave it alone.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? idk.. 5-6 months ago

Who is your favourite comedian? I am not really sure, I dont follow many comedians

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? havent worn any yet

What did you have for dinner last night? steak

What was the last concert you went to? I want to say relient k

Are you an ugly crier? not really no

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? I’m on vacation so the scent is like a lavendarish scent which is not my style at all.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? kind of. -.- not by choice.

Who do you live with? mom & gram

What letter does your street name begin with? numbers

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely I do.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few weeks ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? blue

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? i havent got a clue. I never go on FB

Do you have any injuries at the moment? yes. one of which is my shoulder and its reallyyyyyyy bugging me

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? the eye dr i used to go to was both opthamologist and optometrist so yes

Do you own any animal print clothes? oh probably.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? im tall. I would, maybe it’d be less off-putting to others

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? gosh, like a week ago.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? just the same ones ive watched for years

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? uhhh, no I can’t say I have.

Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? somewhat.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? my infamous cookies

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? ill be real honest, I am so slow to fall for someone that it takes some time for me.

What did you have for breakfast today? toast (gf) and eggs

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Sweet

Do you like chick-flicks? heck’n yea

Have you ever taken an acting class? no. not interested

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? yesterday

How often do you use Youtube? seldom.

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? i dont really do that.

Are you ignoring anyone right now? yeah :( </3

How do you usually style your hair? It’s always up in a messy bun. especially with the heat. but I might chop it off this fall idk.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. i wonder if kile will ever get his

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? more times than I could count.

When was the last time you used a stove? tonight with a GF zucchini pizza

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? mushrooms

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m laying on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? --

What was the last pill or tablet you took? probably headache meds or tummy meds on the day of my flight

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? like 1.4 miles

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? uhhh maybe a sibling

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? I WISH

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? im trying not to, but im not successful yet

The age old question: dogs or cats? STOP ASKING ME TO MAKE A DECISION ON THIS

When was the last time you saw your best friend? ugh. i don’t think ill ever see him. He sent me a picture today, it was really nice to see his face.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? nope.

Are you tired right now? eh, not terribly.

Do you like spring rolls? I do.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? street

How many purses or handbags do you own? like 5

Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? no. some of them I never ever developed relationships with because their parents hated my dad.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yeah gahhhh i hate that

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? uhhh yesterday I think

What's your favourite type of curry? None.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? not often

Have you ever had casual sex? Noooooooo. not my thing

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? clothes

What's the last letter of your middle name? h

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope. I hardly answer for numbers I know

How long is your hair? middle of my back

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? Millie. I didn’t have anything to do with that, I was a baby.

Do you drink diet or regular soda? diet. I don’t like the taste of regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to go.

Do you worry about your own health? I try not to.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? family.

Can you smell anything right now? Not at the moment, no

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 18 or 19

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? ooo boy, its been a minute. I need new shoes, and I also need to get rid of old shoes.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? not at all. maybe I need to revisit them.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yep yep

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? colder always.

How tall are your highest heels? I have like 4″ heels but I shouldn’t be wearing them anymore

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? omfg i want frosting so bad. any flavor

When did you wake up today? I fell asleep around 430am and then woke up around 545 my time.

Do you change your appearance often? I mean, hair color yeah.

What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green

How many people do you work with? --

What was the last thing you ate? piece of chocolate.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? either this or sleeping

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? people have definitely made comments about my weight before. just leave me aloneeeeeeeeee.

---- i wish i really was the most important thing on the planet to you. :( maybe then you’d have picked me? </3

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